#detritus the troll

[dedicatedfollower467]

God I will never be over Cuddy and Detritus's friendship. I will never be over the clockwork thinking helmet. I will never be over Cuddy getting over centuries of prejudice long enough to learn how Detritus thinks and why he struggles so much and then go and create a solution for him.

[monstrous-tournament]

Ankh-Morpork City Watch Tournament!

Detritus is the longest-serving troll member of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch. Before getting this job, Detritus had been a splatter (like a bouncer, but with more force) at the Broken/Mended Drum. During the Moving Pictures Craze, he got involved with Ruby, who wanted him to better himself; thus his change of careers. He is very well-versed in patiently questioning suspects, training new recruits, and Being Tactful. He wears adapted battle elephant armor and carries a 2000-lb-draw siege crossbow (the Piecemaker) as a hand weapon.

Buggy is a gnome, and currently the first and only member of the Airborne Section. Being small enough to fit on the back of a bird has made him an excellent field agent. He flies various birds for various tasks, a sparrow hawk for traffic duties, for example. Buggy is a natural for the Watch. He likes being allowed to hit people legally. He also enjoys flying; everything looks small when he's on aerial surveillance.

[pratchettquotes]

"I never shook hands with no king before," said Detritus. "No dwarf, either, come to that."

"You shook hands with me once," said Cheery.

"Watchmen don't count," said Detritus firmly. "Watchmen is watchmen."

Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

[stellarmeals]

Discworld Inktober day 25 - Constable Detritus

The ENTIRE lore of trolls in Discworld is so fascinating. The communities they exist in, the hierarchy behind their names, how their brains work in different temperatures. Detritus tries his best to make sure the younger trolls don’t end up going down a dangerous path and tries to find them a place in society where they can thrive and prosper.

He also carries around a gigantic crossbow that can tear an entire wall down.

[dimity-lawn]

[4lph4kidz]

dirk strider is a great character because there is something very fundamentally wrong with him but he has morals thanks to wikipedia articles abt stoicism or quite possibly because of my little pony friendship is magic

[aeshnacyanea2000]

Aagragaah. It mean lit’rally der time when you see dem little pebbles and you jus’ know dere’s gonna be a great big landslide on toppa you and it already too late to run.

-- Terry Pratchett - Jingo

[discworldquotes]

Detritus’s intelligence wasn’t too bad for a troll, falling somewhere between a cuttlefish and a line-dancer, but you could rely on him not to let it slow him down.

Terry Pratchett, Jingo

[lavenderfables]

Detritus is both a himbo and a dilf.

[firstofficerrose]

I am getting Flowers For Algernon feelings for every single troll in Discworld, right about now. Detritus getting very smart when Cuddy is freezing to death because room temperature is warm enough that he and every other troll are operating in a state of near heat stroke all the time and their brains are literally disabled by it? Oh no.

Discworld is a magic sort of place, right? There must be a way to get good troll accessibility, right? Magic ice helmets of some kind? Please?

[pratchat]

#Pratchat61 - What Terry Wrote

The first thing Terry wrote, he wrote...no, wait, skip a bit. The 34th thing Terry wrote, he wrote Tak, dwarfs, trolls, Commander Vimes and the Watch, and a board game... Join Liz, Ben and guest @mattrodentweets as they discuss THUD! #Pratchat61

Designer and educator Matt Roden delves deep under Ankh-Morpork with Liz and Ben as they unravel the mystery of the penultimate City Watch book, 2005’s Thud!. As the anniversary of the Battle of Koom Valley approaches, the dwarfs and trolls of Ankh-Morpork find their ancient enmity stirred up – not least by Hamcrusher, a conservative leader of the “Deep Down” dwarfs, who has preached hatred…

[nightfoot]

One of my favourite bits in Thud! is when Detritus shouts at Vimes about how he treats trolls.

“What you doin,’ Mister Vimes? Why you go on askin’ questions? Wi’ the dwarfs you have pussy feet, must not upset ’em, oh no, but what you do if dey was trolls, eh? Kick down der door, no problem! Mr. Shine bring you Brick, give you good advice, an’ you talk like he bein’ a bad troll! I’m hearin’ now where Captain Carrot, he tellin’ the dwarfs he the Two Brothers. You fink that make me happy? We know dat lyin’ ol’ dwarf lie, yes! We groan at it lyin,’ yes! You want to see Mr. Shine, you show humble, you show respec,’ yes!” [...] “Should I take anything, Sergeant?” The troll thought about this. “No,” he said, “but maybe dere’s some finkin’ you could leave behind.”

It feels like it's not just Detritus pointing out that Vimes doesn't respect trolls, but also Pterry acknowledging that he hasn't shown much respect to trolls, either. Dwarf culture has been extensively built up, we've dived into the lives and perspectives of werewolves and vampires and feegles and golems and anthropomorphic personifications, but despite being present in the series from the very beginning, there's no troll book.

A few pages later, I once again feel like Mr. Shine is talking to the reader as well when he tells Vimes how little he really knows about trolls.

“You really know very little about us, Mister Vimes. You see us down on the plains, shambling around, talkin’ like dis. You don’t know about the history chant, or the Long Dance, or stone music. You see the hunched troll dragging his club."

This little bit fills me with so much longing for a troll book he never wrote! I want to know about the history chant! I want to see the Long Dance and read about stone music!

We're told frequently that the trolls in Ankh-Morpork are operating at a slower processing speed but that they thrive in the icy mountains, and I'm so sad that we never got a book set in a troll cultural centre.

[tossawary]

One of my favorite Discworld books is actually one of the more obscure ones, "Moving Pictures", which is about the invention of films and the movie business in this fantasy world that has dwarves and trolls and wizards and so on. It has its rough patches like every early Discworld book, but Ginger's speech about people who were born in the wrong time or wrong place for their dreams really gets to me in a good way, and I love all of the references to classic films and commentary on fame and creativity. It also has classic characters like Gaspode the Talking Dog and C.M.O.T. Dibbler, and it introduces Detritus's romance with another troll named Ruby.

Perhaps most importantly to me is that this book introduces Ponder Stibbons, who is a wizard, and who goes on in later books to be one of the most important members of the Unseen University (he holds like twelve different positions), in that he's one of the few people who can competently manage a project and so ends up managing nearly everything. (Bear with me, it's been a while since I read any Discworld and my memory is a little rough.) In "Moving Pictures", Ponder is the classmate (roommate?) of a fellow named Victor Tugelbend, who is one of the main characters.

Victor begins the book as a career student, in that a wealthy relative left him a great deal of money exclusively for school; so as long as he STAYS in school, all of his living expenses are paid for. If Victor graduates, that's the end of the money. If Victor drops out, that's the end of the money. But if Victor manages to hit a specific mark range in the 80s every year, then he gets to stay on for another year and try again, and so Victor is perhaps the most dedicated and knowledgeable wizardry student in the university's history, because you have to know what the right answer is in order to intentionally get a certain number of the questions wrong, so that you can continue to coast along on your college fund.

Ponder's graduation is (accidentally) Victor's fault, because Victor runs away to get into the movie business. (I won't spoil what happens, but it's VERY funny.) Now, I like to imagine after the events of the book, after Ponder holds a faculty position in the university, Victor comes BACK to the university occasionally as a disgustingly well-paid external consultant, which drives Ponder UP THE FUCKING WALL. Like, people are so stingy all of the time but SOMEHOW the university budget has room to bring your offensively handsome dropout roommate back just to say, "Hmm, yes, that looks bad. Have you tried turning it off and on again?" I'd throw a fit, honestly. (As soon as Ponder has enough seniority, he probably puts his foot down to stop this if Victor isn't actually useful. Maybe he is, idk, but maybe not for THAT consulting fee.)

I also like to imagine that Victor Tugelbend and Theda "Ginger" Withel are still together, maybe even still acting (badly? mediocre-ly? decently?) together, in some dingy little theatre (Ginger is the director and runs their acting troupe like a tyrant) where the front seats are regularly filled with middle-aged folks who still sigh over the memories of moving pictures. (Moving pictures are now, presumably, VERY illegal in Ankh Morpork.) Victor and Ginger have only because even more attractive as they've gotten older, which is EVEN MORE OFFENSIVE to poor Ponder because his former movie star former roommate is married to another gorgeous former movie star?! I'd throw another fit.

Anyway, I think Ponder deserves to have an affair with a pair of aging former movie stars. I like to imagine this purely because I think it's funny. He seems kind of busy for marriage, so joining someone else's marriage part-time might be good for him. It probably makes most of the rest of the Unseen University faculty breathlessly envious and that really does it for him.

And I think that this affair would OF COURSE be covered by every newspaper and tabloid in the city, including The Times, and William de Worde and Sacharissa Cripslock don't fully understand why their entertainment reporter is so breathlessly excited about people who were famous over a decade ago? (Supermarket tabloids love to tell me about alleged affairs of people who were famous 20+ years ago.) The article on Victor Maraschino and Delores De Syn's failing marriage* is their bestselling newspaper in months and William puts his head down on his desk in despair. (He's fine. This happens on a weekly at least basis. He just needs a minute.)

*Victor and Ginger are very happy with this situation, actually. They're going to take Ponder to dinner to go on a double date with Ruby and Detritus soon. Victor and Ponder are going to get distracted arguing about some of the Inadvisably Applied Magic research projects, but that's fine, because Ginger wants to talk to Ruby about this one-troll-woman-show concept. (Detritus will proudly hand out tickets at the Watch station and accidentally intimidate all of his coworkers into accepting the invitation.)

[pratchettquotes]

"Vy are ve stoppink?" said Otto.

"That's Sergeant Detritus on the gate," said William.

"Ah. A troll. Very stupid," opined Otto.

"But hard to fool. I'm afraid I shall have to try the truth."

"Vy vill that vork?"

"He's a policeman. The truth usually confuses them. They don't often hear it."

Terry Pratchett, The Truth

[dimity-lawn]

[zagreuses-art]

The fine Rank and File (or at least the rank) of the Ankh Morpork city watch! I've been figuring out my designs for them, and I wanted to put them in a lineup to see how they look beside one another. makes you realize how ridiculous the height difference between some of them is

[ID: three digital drawings of the Watch members, against a police lineup background with height marks and an ankh morpork city watch watermark and logo. The featured members are in order of height: Detritus, Dorfl, Carrot, Angua. then Reg Shoe, Visit, Colon, and Vimes. finally, Nobby, Cheery, Buggy Swires and Wee Mad Arthur. they are all wearing variations on the watch uniform of brass colored armor, chainmaille, leather boots or sandals, and a skirt of studded leather straps. end ID]

more detailed description of the designs under the cut

First drawing: standing at over 8 feet is Dorfl. He is a grey-green troll with a very muscled top heavy build, patches of moss on his skin, and angular features. He is wearing oversized armor with pauldrons, one with sergeant's stripes painted on it, and scale mail underneath. the Piece Maker (a siege weapon crossbow) is strapped to his back. second, standing at 7 foot 4 inches is Dorfl, a reddish Golem made out of patchwork clay, with a overall gingerbread man look, and glowing red eyes. he is only wearing a breastplate, and he has his sergeant's stripes painted on his arm. Third at 6 foot 6 inches is Carrot. He is a redheaded white human, with a sturdy build, round face, and a cheerful smile. he has a captains pip pin in the collar of his shirt and his armor is visibly shinier than all the other's. fourth at 6 foot 2 inches is Angua. she is a white human with lots of very light blonde hair and slightly pointed ears. Her armor has straps at the shoulder rather than being one piece, and she is wearing her badge on a collar. (end of first drawing)

Second drawing: first, standing at 6 ish feet is Reg Shoe. He is a green zombie with a hunched posture and several missing chunks and lines of stitching visible, most noticeably the right half of his mouth has no lips, exposing his teeth. he wearing a tattered and patched flow-y white shirt under his armor, which is also the strap style, and there is a red ribbon in his long-ish dirty blonde hair. second at 5 foot 9 inches is constable Visit. He is a brown skinned human, with slicked back 80's business guy hair and a slightly strained smile. He is wearing a very crisp white shirt under his armor as well as khaki pants and a Omnian turtle necklace. he is clutching a bundle of pamphlets. Third at 5 foot 6 inches is Colon. He is a white human with a heavy-set build, a mustache, and a large bald spot. his armor has sculpted muscles in it and he is wearing sandals. Fourth at barely 5 foot 4 inches is Vimes. He is a white human with messy greying brown hair, and a five o-clock shadow, he looks a bit like house era Hugh Laurie. along with his armor he is wearing a red cloak and a sword. (end of second drawing)

Third Drawing: First, standing at 4 foot nothing, is Nobby Nobbs. he is a white-ish human with vitiligo spots, several suspiciously red or green patches of skin, and very scruffy black hair and a five o-clock shadow. he is smoking a cigarette and has several dog ends behind his ear. he has managed to tarnish his armor. second, at 3 foot 4 inches is Cheery. She is a white dwarf with a stocky build, blonde hair and a blond, braided beard. she has some burns on her arms, ears, and forehead, and is missing her eyebrows. she has a full lentgh leather skirt rather than pants. third, at 7 inches is Buggy Swires. he is a brown skinned Gnome, with grey hair and pointed ears. he is not wearing armor, but instead a rain cloak. next to him is his pigeon, which carries his badge and is a foot tall. Finally, at 4 inches, is Wee Mad Arthur. he is a blue nac mac feegle with red hair. he is in a watch uniform with a kilt, and is carrying his badge like a shield on his back, unlike the others he has a dynamic aggressive stance, rather than standing straight up. (end of third picture)

background of all drawings: a lineup height marker background, with the initials AM (ankh) CW and the city seal in the top right corner. the city seal is two hippos on a shield, with a tower between them. they are in shades of copper or bronze, as is the overall color palate of the drawings. (end of ID)