#did he believe kaidan was a good candidate?

[swaps55]

When Sam sent in Kaidan's recommendation to N-school, did he know Kaidan would turn it down?

Oooh, this is a REALLY good question.

I'm going to say he didn't, and Kaidan turning it down came as a surprise to him. Should he have known? Probably. But as intuitive and observant as Sam is, I think in this case, the N program is so integral to him, that he couldn't step outside himself enough to understand why Kaidan wouldn't want it.

From the beginning, the allure of Kaidan Alenko has been that he's hard for Sam to figure out. Sam likes puzzles, and Kaidan is one he never quite solves. People don't often surprise Sam. Every time Kaidan does surprise him, he becomes even more interesting.

So turning down the N program recommendation would have set Sam on his heels a little. He would have taken time to over analyze why, sit with it, and have a little moment of clarity over the ways he'd misunderstood Kaidan's experiences, or just not given enough consideration them. I very deliberately gave Kaidan and Sam very different experiences with developing and learning biotics. Their perspectives are VERY different, and Kaidan's reasons for not wanting to be an N would have helped Sam broaden his own understanding of how un-universal his own experience was. For all the things he knows about Kaidan and BAaT and Vyrnnus, this would have driven home a little harder the ways in which they shaped him.

Sam also would have marveled a little at the ways Kaidan is so relentlessly himself, and rigidly follows his own code.

Truthfully, that was probably a small but important moment in Sam's long, slow fall. The relief he would have felt, however, at Kaidan staying put on the 'Yang and remaining with the squad is something he would have carefully tucked away somewhere he didn't have to think about very hard.

Other people are puzzles, after all. Less fun when the puzzle is yourself. :)

[thelostgirl21]

For those of you still arguing that Kaidan does not outrank Shepard as an Alliance Officer during the Citadel Coup...

...he does.

Actually, being a Staff Commander in ME2, Kaidan Alenko was already outranking Shepard when they met on Horizon.

First, it is important to understand that, while inspired by it, the Human Systems Alliance does not use the exact same ranking system as the U.S. Navy / Marines. [Edit: I've fixed some (hopefully, most!) of the "he/him/himself" pronouns I'd missed the first time around... And that was... like... 90% of the time I was referring to Shepard. *Facepalms* Sorry about that! I'm so used to writing for M!Shep, that I instinctively say "he/him/himself" when referring to them (and my brain does the weird French thing of including the feminine into the masculine while proofreading, apparently!). If you still spot a non gender-neutral pronoun in there, please feel free to let me know.]

Therefore, according to the System’s Alliance’s own ranking system (that can be found in the game’s codex entries; I’ve also added that information at the bottom of this post, with in-game examples) the rank of Major (and, in ME2, Staff Commander) is above that of a Lieutenant Commander (Shepard’s own Alliance military rank) within the Alliance.

It is the rank of an Alliance Captain (Navy), not that of an Alliance [Lieutenant] Commander (Navy & Marines), that is considered as being the equivalent of that of an Alliance Major (Marines).

Meaning that, by the beginning of ME3, Major Alenko has now risen through the ranks to the point where he holds a similar level of responsibility within the Systems Alliance as Captain Anderson used to hold in ME1. At the very beginning of ME1, Captain Anderson was a Navy Captain, and the Commanding Officer (C.O.) of the SSV Normandy.

Lieutenant Commander Shepard was his Executive Officer (X.O.).

And Staff Lieutenant Alenko was head of the ship's Marine detail*

By the beginning of ME3, Major Alenko is now a Marine Major, and the Commanding Officer (C.O.) of the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company, a covert operations unit of the Systems Alliance.

*Note: I just discovered yesterday what “Marine detail” means, and I just have to say Kaidan’s position on the Normandy is ridiculously cool! 

Basically, it’s Kaidan’s job to determine which personnel position, assignment, or duty station each Marine should have on the Normandy.  While basing his decisions on the person’s professional milestones, taking into consideration the Marine’s personal aspirations and stated preferences, considering their marital status / family lives and responsibilities outside of the military, evaluating whether they have the proper qualifications for the job or require further training, looking at performance reviews...

They are described as the Marine’s “advocate”, trying to make sure that not only are they the “best Marine” for what their actual job requires, but that it’s the job that will bring said Marine the greater level of work satisfaction / align with their needs and personal ambitions.

So basically, after Jenkins was KIA at the beginning of ME1, it was Kaidan’s job to find a suitable replacement to take over his duties on the ship.

So, after Shepard wakes up in the medbay, and expresses that they’re glad that Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams was still on the Normandy, because she’s a good soldier that deserves it, and Captain Anderson answers them: “Lieutenant Alenko agrees with you.  THAT’S WHY I added her to our crew.”

He literally means “After seeing her in action, Lieutenant Alenko reviewed her file, checked her qualifications, past performance reviews, family status, her documented professional aspirations and stated preferences, numerous past (denied) applications for a transfer to a shipboard posting, and based on his very own assessment of Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, determined that she was the single best Marine in the System’s Alliance for the open position we now had on the ship.”

I’d always assumed that Kaidan had more or less informally gone “Gunnery Chief Williams was really impressive down there!  Maybe we could use her!”

And Captain Anderson had essentially gone: “Sure!  Why not?  We’ve got an open position.  Let’s keep her!”

But I’d all but forgotten that, with Nihlus dead, there was absolutely no Spectre on board that ship at that point in the story, and they were thus likely bound by the System’s Alliance rules and protocols when it came to handing out assignments to fill the vacant positions available on the Normandy.

It’s therefore highly likely that whoever was in charge of the ship’s Marine detail (in this case, Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko), would have had access to a list of applications of suitable candidates that had expressed an interest in serving on that ship.

And that, whenever there was a position vacancy, or a need to add a new position on the Normandy, then the head of the ship’s detail would have the responsibility of taking a good look at those candidatures, and selecting the very best suited Marine for the job.

As a Spectre, Commander Shepard might have had the level of authority required to spontaneously go: “they followed me home, I’m keeping them!”

But Captain Anderson most certainly did not. And, while he was the Normandy’s C.O. (meaning that he’d likely have the final say on whether or not Ashley got the position)...

Well, the person  officially in charge of finding someone to fill the position left vacant after Jenkin’s passing - after having carefully reviewed Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams candidature against those of other potentially qualified System’s Alliance soldiers - was literally Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko.

And one would assume that the reason why Kaidan got his own position as head of the ship’s Marine detail, would be because he’d be considered as being very proficient at determining whether or not a given soldier is going to be the right fit for their job, and the best asset for their team.

So, when Captain Anderson tells Shepard that the reason he added her to the crew was because Lieutenant Alenko believed she was a good soldier that deserved a position on the Alliance’s most advanced starship, that was because it was Kaidan’s job to make such decisions.

He had to choose which Marine in the System’s Alliance would take over Jenkin’s duties, and he chose Ash.  Kaidan’s the reason Ashley was assigned to Captain Anderson (and later, Commander Shepard)’s ship.  He’s the one that made it happen and allowed her to advance in her career.

Should Commander Shepard have tried to do the same (i.e. be the one to request Gunnery Chief Williams assignation to the Normandy, in a context where Ashley wouldn’t already have been added to the team while they were out cold); then Captain Anderson’s most likely answer would have needed to be: “I’ll let Lieutenant Alenko know about your commendation, but he’s not done reviewing candidatures and making his choice among them yet.“

I don’t understand how anyone can call Kaidan “boring”. He's such a layered, fascinating character...

As he once told Shepard:

“I’m an enigma. I’ve got skills.”

Yes, yes you do... and, over 10 years later, I’m still discovering some skill-sets that you have that I’d never even suspected before!

And boy, am I pissed we'll never get to know about your run in with the vorcha mafia, five thousand credits, and a bottle of whiskey!

Still, no wonder Anderson was so adamant on Major Alenko being the one offered the Command of the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company.

Besides his very own unique history as a L2 and ability to relate to those kids, he apparently has an eye for military talents, and he likely trusted him to be a very good judge of character when it came to assessing whether those young biotics would be a good addition to the Company, and able to handle working with the rest of a team while on high risk missions without needlessly further endangering their teammates.

However, as a Spectre, when operating under Council authority, both Commander Shepard and Major Alenko are no longer bound by the Alliance military’s chain of command.

And it seems that most players do not realize it, but when Captain Anderson stepped down as the SSV Normandy’s C.O., Shepard did not receive a promotion within the Alliance military in terms of overall rank; but exclusively one regarding their position in regards to their assignment.

They went from being the ship’s Executive Officer (X.O.) to the ship’s Commanding Officer (C.O.), but they still remained an Alliance Lieutenant Commander, regardless of the position they held on the SSV Normandy itself.

I’m thus guessing that Shepard dying so shortly after the Battle of the Citadel, had prevented them from being promoted to the rank of Staff Commander (or even Captain / Major).

And then, in all of the investigations surrounding their claims of having been dead for 2 years, brought back to life through Cerberus technology, the time they spend working with them to hunt down the Collectors, Shepard destroying a batarian system (Arrival), the time they spent in detention between ME2 and ME3 after having been stripped of their rank, etc.  Well, I’m guessing the Systems Alliance never thought to offer them a promotion, either.

At the beginning of ME3, the Normandy SR-2 has been recovered by the Alliance, and is intended to be used by Admiral Anderson (who would have become the SR-2′s Commanding Officer).

With Earth and the Alliance Headquarters under Reapers attack, Admiral Anderson chooses to reinstate Commander Shepard’s rank as a Lieutenant Commander within the Systems Alliance instead, and puts them in charge of his ship (thus, stepping down, once more, as the Normandy’s C.O. in favor of Commander Shepard).

Therefore yes, Commander Shepard is not as highly ranked an Alliance Officer as Major Kaidan Alenko is. However, they were given an assignment as the Commanding Officer of the Normandy SR-2 by Admiral Anderson.

Meaning that, after the Citadel Coup, when Commander Shepard offers Major Alenko a position among the Normandy SR-2′s crew, accepting that position means agreeing to recognize, and respect, Shepard’s authority as the ship’s C.O. as well.

Regardless of Kaidan technically becoming the highest ranking Systems Alliance Officer on board the Normandy SR-2, the position as the Normandy’s C.O. was given to Commander Shepard by Admiral Anderson.

So, if Major Alenko has a problem working under the authority of a lesser ranked officer as part of a Lieutenant Commander’s crew, then it is his responsibility to either refuse the offer and request another assignment (something that Kaidan can do in the game, actually - he can be the one to turn down Shepard’s offer), or take it up with Admiral Anderson, to try to request a change in leardership.

What I also find particularly interesting, with how those scenes play out, is that in both versions where Kaidan doesn’t join the Normandy’s crew, he shakes Shepard’s hand, but does not salute them.

Otherwise, after the handshake, when Shepard tells him “Welcome aboard, Major”, Kaidan straightens up and tells them “Aye aye, sir / ma’am” with a military salute, therefore acknowledging Shepard’s position as his new C.O.

Essentially, Major Kaidan Alenko is not bound by rank to obey Commander Shepard’s orders or accept to serve on their ship...

It is only once he CHOOSES to join the Normandy’s crew and take that offered position that there is this obligation for him to respect that Commander Shepard is the acting C.O. of the Normandy, and that they report directly to Admirals Anderson and Hackett.

As a Spectre, they report directly to the Citadel Council.

And so does Kaidan.  I’m guessing that, should he ever wish to leave the Normandy, he’s got the required authority to do so, and would simply need to ask Admiral Anderson or Admiral Hackett for a new assignment.

He may discuss his decision with Commander Shepard first, out of respect.  But I doubt that Commander Shepard could try to force him to stay and continue to work under the Command of a lesser ranked Alliance officer if he wished to leave the ship.

The only known people that could deny his request for a transfer within the Alliance would be either Anderson or Hackett.

And, as a Spectre, he could very well go “yeah, screw this!  I’m out!”

So yeah, his being willing to take orders from Commander Shepard, and join the Normandy as a member of his crew regardless of him being a higher ranked officer in the Systems Alliance, only highlight the amount of trust and respect he has in Commander Shepard’s abilities and leadership.

Knowing Kaidan, he likely values Commander Shepard as his C.O. based on the man’s actual military, leadership, combat qualifications and training, rather than rank.  Not to mention his ability to recognize their more personal, human qualities, how much they care for their crew, and Kaidan’s own willingness to help them share the burden that’s been put on their shoulders.

I think that, in order to gain Kaidan’s respect and have him gladly follow you, you need to use the power you’ve been given by whatever position or status you hold for the benefit of those serving under you, and/or those under your responsibility, rather than try to dominate and overpower others with it.

Kaidan won’t hesitate to call Udina “a bastard” for what he perceives as him “selling them out”, express dissent when a superior officer is out of line, question the motives of those in charge, and often flirt with insubordination.

He’s one of the most NEUTRAL good characters of the series - letting his integrity dictate his actions first and foremost, rather than being strictly and rigidly bound by ranks, rules, or protocols.

His main source of worry, when it comes to Shepard potentially cutting corners, appears to be the price that THEY may have to pay in the aftermath.

He seems more concerned about the Council or the Alliance openly using Shepard as a scapegoat if things go south, and/or disavowing their actions and leaving them without support, rather than over Shepard themselves breaking the law in such a way that they would make innocent people suffer.

I've always seen him as trying to make Shepard understand that they won't let them go down alone with the ship, figuratively (and perhaps event literally speaking... He sure tried in ME2 until Shepard reminded him that the rest of the crew were also in need of his assistance and counting on them to keep them safe) and share the responsibility of the decisions Shepard makes as long as he also supports them.

And yeah, Kaidan did put his own happiness first when it came to breaking the rules of fraternization.

He even says that the galaxy will just keep going and the only thing that will never happen again is them. And that they are what's most important in that moment.

If it wasn't for how very lucidly attached to the Alliance he is (he sees the flaws, but still considers that the Alliance does more good than harm overall, and is proud of being an Alliance soldier / officer), I'd almost have been tempted to put him into chaotic good territory.

He's dedicated to "doing what's right" (the principle of goodness itself) and acting with integrity, but not so much to "honoring human / citadel laws" or even moral codes per say.

His moral code is very much about remaining true to your own ideals and who you are in a way that promotes the greater good, and allows you to be at peace with your actions. And he's seen constantly questioning his perspective of good and wrong in the world, and adapting what acting with integrity truly means to him (for example, when he was trying to come to terms with the fact that Cerberus scientists could also be good people).

So, I very much consider him someone that is more Neutral (chaotic leaning) good, than Neutral (lawful leaning) good.

Rules and institutions need to make sense and serve a useful purpose to him, and avoid getting in the way of him doing what he believes to be right according to his own personal moral compass that no one dictates him but himself. Otherwise, screw the rules!

It may also be good to remember that Spectres have absolutely no command structure.  To prove themselves to the Council, they have to demonstrate both exceptional abilities and self-reliance.  If they thought that Major Kaidan Alenko would be the type to defer to Commander Shepard’s judgment based on seniority and rank alone, I’m guessing the Council never would have agreed to grant him Spectre status in the first place.

Yeah, Councillor Udina was the one that submitted his candidature, but he couldn’t have actually granted him Spectre status without the Asari, Turian, and Salarian Councillors’ approval.

Meaning that they all saw something in his service history that made them go “Yeah, this is a guy that can totally go rogue, disrespect orders, and do whatever must be done for the sake of the greater good of the galactic community if need be.”

People that see him as some sort of “whiny, Alliance lapdog” seem to forget that  we are talking about a 17-year-old kid that continuously got in trouble with Vyrnnus for talking back (to the point where he started punishing the other kids to get to him), found a way to hack communications on the station to secretly contact his parents on Earth, after having been explicitly forbidden to do so, and angrily stood up to Vyrnnus after Vyrnnus crossed a line while bullying more vulnerable than himself.

Commander Vyrnnus taught Kaidan that some would-be leaders only cared about holding power over others, and were not worthy of being respected nor followed.

Major Alenko simply is not someone that can easily be intimidated into obeying orders, and/or be impressed by power or rank.  What will make him “fall in line”, is the belief that the one giving the orders is the very best suited person for the job.

So, when it all come down to it, I’m pretty convinced that he could care less about Shepard “only being a Lieutenant Commander”.

He cares about Shepard doing the right thing, and about being able to trust their leadership and intents more than anything.

And, while Kaidan Alenko may have all the required qualifications and abilities to handle his own command, too...

...this is not what makes him the happiest.

He’s a soldier.  He likes getting his hands dirty.  He likes being right in the center of the action, and making a tangible difference.

My own partner, whose personality often reminds me of Kaidan (or, actually, Kaidan’s personality often reminds me of him!), has been offered countless of times the job of a team supervisor or coordinator in his work as a computer programmer (systems architect).

Sure, it would come with a salary increase and some advantages...

And sure, he’s a rather assertive guy, with a talent for seeing the greater picture, quickly noticing people’s own individual strengths and resources in a team, finding ways to take full advantage of said strengths and resources while organizing the work to complement every skill-sets they have, and thinking about creative solutions to a problem that others might be missing...

But what he loves most about his work is the coding itself.

He’ll gladly offer his input (actually, nothing you do or say will stop him from voicing his opinions, suggestions, and solutions to an issue...  especially if he thinks you’re being inefficient in the way you’re approaching it, and/or overlooking some variables), but the thought of actually being in charge of the whole working team all the frakking time, and having to manage complaints, conflicts, etc. - when his time would better be used in front of the computer, figuring out why something isn’t working properly - is enough to drive him insane.

He has everything it takes to be a good, efficient, more than qualified supervisor and coordinator...

...except the interest and motivation.

The things that make him happiest at the work he does, lie within the programming itself.

Similarly, I very much perceive Kaidan Alenko as being someone that has every required qualifications, skills, and abilities to be in Command of his own ship or his own squad...

...but typically prefers being a soldier, getting out there in the field and doing his work without having to handle what everyone else has to be doing on top of it.

He made an exception for Admiral Anderson by indulging him, and eventually agreeing to assume Command of the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company.  And, from the way he speaks about his students, it seems that the nature of his job, and his ability to connect with what they are going through and nurture their potential as soldiers, fellow “freaks”, and human beings, ended up making that command worthwhile and an overall positive and stimulating experience for him.

This is one of the many reasons why I lament the lack of interaction between Kaidan and Jack.  They are both powerful biotics that were abused in the hopes of getting results and making their powers stronger.  They both share a deep seated hatred of Cerberus.  And they both ended up becoming teachers and mentors to younger generations of human biotics.

Beyond the potential for humor and entertainment, I think it would have been interesting to see how they might have related to each other, talked about their students, shared a few tips, etc.

But otherwise, Kaidan seems to be happiest while doing his own thing (ex: being sent to investigate certain situations for the Alliance / Council), or serving on a ship while using his skills to offer his support to his Commander, rather than being the one in charge of everybody else.

Given how he tends to be more task than ego oriented, I therefore really don’t think that he has any issues following the leadership of a Lieutenant Commander regardless of his own rank.

As long as he can trust Shepard to be a good leader and get things done, he’ll gladly let them assume command.

But during the attack on the Citadel, Commander Shepard is not Major Alenko’s C.O., as Admiral Anderson never officially assigned him to the Normandy, and after they left Earth in a hurry and headed for Mars to retrieve data, he ended up in the hospital.

If we want to argue that Major Kaidan Alenko was showing any kind of disrespect towards Commander Shepard by refusing to stand down in front of a superior officer during the Citadel coup (an argument that’s occasionally been brought up by those that highly disapprove of the confrontation)...

Well, I hate to break this to you, but per Systems Alliance military protocol, Shepard should have been the one to salute Kaidan, not the other way around.

But it simply doesn’t matter either way.

Because that confrontation was not an “Alliance Lieutenant Commander vs Alliance Major” issue.

This was very much “Spectre vs Spectre” issue.

You simply had two highly trained, experienced, and dangerous Spectre operatives that were interacting on absolutely equal footing, outside of the Alliance’s chain of command.

And they both had the exact same objective: Protect the council from Cerberus.

In the end, it all boils down to trust.  And to whether or not Commander Shepard has the required empathy to understand that Kaidan Alenko has every right to be human, to have doubts, to question people’s motives - regardless of how much he loves them - and to be scared to make mistakes based on his personal feelings towards them.

Kaidan (and Ashley) have the most realistic, healthy, and human reactions that one could possibly have to someone being brought back from the dead by a terrorist organization.

On Mars, he wasn’t trying to attack or hurt Shepard.

What he clearly told them was “I’m confused, I’m scared, I do want to trust you, but I don’t know how.  I’ve seen some of the abject horrors of what Cerberus is capable of doing, and the thought that they might have been using you, or are still planning to use you, against the rest of the Galaxy terrifies me.  I need to know it’s really you - that you haven’t been cloned, brainwashed, or they didn’t plant a chip in your head or something -  and I’m at a loss at where to even start.”

(I’m thinking that should they have discovered that Shepard had been altered in some way and/or was being manipulated by Cerberus, but was still in there somewhere, then Kaidan would have wanted to do anything he could to help free them from Cerberus’ grasp, too.)

And he has every right to feel that way, to be afraid, to be concerned, and to express it.

Actually no one owes any of their friends their “blind trust”.

If someone I strongly care about is doing something stupid or I disagree with, I fully reserve the right to oppose their actions and let them know I’m not on board with it.

I can trust that they are a good person and believe in them.  But I can also occasionally distrust their judgment and whether the decisions they are making are the right ones.

So by openly verbalizing his fears and doubts, what Kaidan is actually doing is letting Shepard in.  He’s reaching out for that connection they share, not shutting them down.

He’s almost desperate to try to explain to them how he feels, so they can open the dialogue and start figuring these things out together, rather than remaining alone in their little corner while allowing those fears and doubts to fester and take root.

If Shepard is able to understand that.  If they can reach back towards Kaidan, show interest in getting to know each other again, rebuild trust, and work through those issues, then as I’ve already demonstrated a little while ago, getting Kaidan to stand down is so ridiculously easy it’s almost laughable.

If they do cut themselves off from Kaidan following Mars, and never reach back towards him, then they are allowing all those doubts and fears to keep on growing...  thus leading to tragedy during the coup.

But yeah, anyone reasonably expecting Kaidan to just step aside the moment those doors opened (when he was fully expecting to see Cerberus operatives come out of the elevator shaft) - especially based on supposed “higher ranked offircer superiority” - is having utterly unrealistic expectations regarding Major Alenko’s personality and behavior.

Either they were too quick to dismiss him as whiny and boring, and thus kept him out out of every mission, skipped conversations, and/or quickly rushed through them without really listening and seeking to understand the character...

They are unable to perceive videogame characters as well-rounded people, but are rather exclusively seeking to immerse themselves in some fantasy world where every single person they encounter either automatically adores them or fears their superior power and influence; and those characters are something that should solely exist for their own entertainment (unlike reality, where they can more easily recognize that each of their friends have personal aspirations, opinions, thoughts, careers and dreams that exist entirely outside of themselves; and they never would realistically expect one of said friends to “drop everything” they are doing on the fly in order to blindly follow them into a private jet that’s being borrowed from a well-known right-wing terrorists organization instead).

Or, they literally have a God complex.

----------

Systems Alliance: Military Ranks (Mass Effect)

The Alliance uses a modified version of the ranking system that has been used for hundreds of years. Soldiers are classified into rank-and-file enlisted personal, experienced non-commissioned officers (NCOs), and specially trained officers.

The divide between naval personnel and ground forces (“marines”) is small. Ground units are a specialized branch of the fleet, just as fighter squadrons are. This unity of command is imposed by the futility of fighting without control of orbit; without the navy, any army is pointless. The marines, as a matter of pride, maintain some of their traditional rank titles; for example, marines have Privates and Corporals instead of Servicemen.

In ascending order of responsibility, the ranks of the Alliance are:

ENLISTED

Serviceman 3rd Class/Private 2nd Class

Serviceman 2nd Class/Private 1st Class

Serviceman 1st Class/Corporal

NCOs

Service Chief

Gunnery Chief [ex: Gunnery Chief Williams (ME1)]

Operations Chief [ex: Operations Chief Williams (ME2)]

OFFICERS

2nd Lieutenant

1st Lieutenant

Staff Lieutenant [ex: Lieutenant Alenko (ME1)]

Lieutenant Commander [ex: Commander Shepard (ME1, ME2, ME3),  Commander Williams (ME3)]

Staff Commander [ex: Commander Alenko (ME2)]

Captain/Major [ex: Major Alenko (ME3); Captain Anderson (ME1)]

Rear Admiral/General [ex: Admiral Hackett (ME1)]

Admiral [ex: Admiral Hacket (ME2), Admiral Anderson (ME3)]

Fleet Admiral [ex: Admiral Hackett (ME3)]

[theoriginalladya]

WIP meme, News? Please? thank youuu!

Hoooo boy!  Okay, so recently, as I was fiddling around with the first post-war fic for Caleb, I decided to try an experiment.  As you know, Caleb comes from a character I have over in my Werewolf: The Apocalypse RPG game that I play.  I needed a character, I liked the name and the idea, and so I decided to pull him over to Mass Effect because it’s highly unlikely I’ll ever actually get to play him over there.  Best fit for him in bringing him over is Earthborn, and so Caleb Shepard was born.

Well, Caleb has a past, one he isn’t even aware of.  He can only remember as far back as to when he was 6 years old and walked out of the River Shannon, soaking wet.  He literally runs into the man (Ned) who becomes his adoptive father within a block or two of that.  

After the Reaper war, Caleb is asked to return to Shannon after fifteen years of staying away to help out his old friends.  He, Kaidan, and Coats go and get caught up in something a bit more than they bargain for.  During those adventures, they come across some unexpected information which Caleb hands over to three people he trusts (Aine, Saoirse, and Athair) to try to sort out while he finishes dealing with the ‘problem’.  

This snippet is shortly after the ‘problem’ has been dealt with and involves the information they found which is nothing at all what Caleb expects...  (apologies for crap formatting - it doesn’t like the setup I used in MS Word! lol)

Project Location:  Limerick, Ireland

Project Objective: secondary exposure to eezo for controlled biotic enhancement; potential use for Cerberus agents and forces

Project Status:

·         (30/11/2157) – confirmed.  All candidates for Project Féinics successfully retrieved, returned to project base in Limerick.  Inform Illusive Man that Project is officially underway.

·         Note (21/12/2157) – lost first candidate (Healy); adverse reaction to serum.

·         Note (6/3/2158) – lost second candidate (Walsh) to (brain bleed – find medical term).

·         Note (17/7/2158) – lost third candidate (O’Grady); previously undetected allergic reaction to eezo.

·         Note (30/4/2159) – lost fourth candidate (Daly); internal bleeding after testing.  Of the original five candidates, only one survives (O’Connell).  Excellent health.  Stubborn as they come.  No signs of biotic physiology, but unexpected side effect: test suggest even greater potential for physical enhancement than previously thought.  Altering original goal, per TIM, adjust parameters and will proceed with project.

·         Note (8/4/2160) – Subject Féinics escaped.  In pursuit – a child that young cannot get far before he is caught. Security detail sent after him with specific instructions to kill rather than let him be taken.

·         Note (10/4/2160) – Subject Féinics spotted across the river in Shannon.  Detail recaptured, but broke away during return. Attempting recapture.

·         Note (11/4/2160) – have been advised Subject Féinics lost over the Limerick-Shannon bridge during retrieval.  No sign of body once under water.  Conclusion: drowned.  Personal note: As treacherous as river is, body likely given to sea by now.  What a waste.

·         Note (12/4/2160) – Advised Illusive Man is shutting down Project Féinics until such time another good set of candidates becomes available.

Subject Féinics candidates:

o   Liam O’Grady, Limerick, 5 years

o   Patrick Daly, Galway, 8 years

o   Aidan Healy, Tralee, 13 years

o   Oscar Walsh, Killarney, 2 years

o   Caleb O’Connell, Lislarkin, 3 years

“O’Connell?”  It escapes his lips as a whisper, barely given voice, but he doesn’t look up.  The datapad shakes lightly in his hands until Kaidan reaches across, takes it from him, sets it flat on the table and wraps a hand around his.  He says nothing, but it’s enough to get Caleb’s attention and he looks up at his partner.  Inhaling deeply, he finally shifts over to Athair.  “Are you saying…you think this is…me?”

“You mentioned some of your memories have come back,” Athair, says quietly.  “What do you remember?”

Caleb sits back in his seat, but does not let go of Kaidan’s hand.  If anything, his grasp tightens around his, anchoring him.  Using his free hand, he rubs his eyes, then slides his hand over his face.  For so many years, all he’s remembered has been since walking out of the Shannon…

Closed rooms.  Physical pain.  Loss, not understanding why.  Straps, tables, faces behind masks, screams… and then fire in his veins…

When he chokes, gasping for air, Caleb returns immediately to the present.  Sharp sounds, pierce the last holds of the memories.  As he blinks, focus returning, Kaidan is before him snapping the fingers of his free hand.  “Shepard!”

Another moment or two and Caleb nods.  “I’m… thanks,” he rasps, offering what he hopes is a smile of reassurance to Kaidan.  Turning back to Athair, he whispers, “This… this can’t be me!”

Athair reaches out and covers Caleb’s hand, patting gently. “I wasn’t certain at first, but do you remember the one thing you insisted when you were six and we met?”

Fighting for breath, he cannot pull his gaze away, and nods. “My name is Caleb…”

Athair nods solemnly.  “I would not have reached out if I did not believe it myself, Caleb. Aine and Saoirse agreed.”

“Reached out?”  Pulling his gaze away, Caleb’s head snaps around until he can see the woman sitting at the other table, the one he’d seen Athair at when he came down earlier.  “Her?”

Again, Athair nods.  “She arrived this morning.  We have spent several hours speaking.  Lad,” he insists, squeezing Caleb’s hand once more, “she is afraid as well.  After so many years of trying to find peace.  All I ask, all she asks, is to speak with you.  Nothing more. Let her tell you her story and you decide for yourself.  The choice, as always, will be yours to make.”

“I –”  He glances over to Kaidan, overwhelmed, uncertain.  

“Is there harm in speaking to her?”  Kaidan’s voice is quiet but calming.  Reassuring.

It is a full minute before Caleb swallows past the lump in his throat and mutters, “Probably not.”  It has to be easier than fighting the Reapers, right?  

Inhaling deeply, he pulls his hands free and covers his face.  “Aye,” he agrees after another couple of minutes giving it due consideration.  “I’ll speak with her.”

Rising to his feet, Athair nods.  “I will let her know.  Join us when you are ready.”  As he walks by, he squeezes Caleb’s right shoulder gently.  “Give it a chance son, that’s all any of us want.”

Caleb is somewhat stunned to realize, “Aye, as do I.”

[crqstalite]

Scintilla.

(n.) a tiny, brilliant flash or spark; a small thing; a barely visible trace.

for MER 2020. day 1, first impressions. set in 2184 [pre-ME2]

-

The first time Joker meets Citlali Shepard-Velasquez is during one of the lowest points in his life. When he can barely focus on what's going on around him, and everything feels like its lost its meaning. He hasn't flown anything, much less the Normandy for what feels like forever, hasn't seen the old crew in just over a year. Liara was gone, disappeared off the map. Garrus wasn't going to be found, not after he stopped trying to rejoin C-Sec. Tali went back home to the Flotilla, and so did Wrex, to Tuchanka. Hell, even Kaidan didn't stick around, and instead went off into the Alliance for something or the other. The last time he saw all of them together was at Shepard's memorial service.

Not a word was said to him. He's not sure whether to be grateful with the lack of attention or concerned about the silence on his hand in Shepard's death.

Alchera still manages to haunt him in the early morning hours, dragging himself out of bed with aching bones just to end up back in it a few hours later. Probably had a lot more self-destructive thoughts than was healthy, but what else was new? He's anxious to get back into space, anxious to finally get off this blasted station that's way too white and yellow for him to be comfortable i. If he was given a mission to help Shepard again, in anyway that he could, maybe the ache in his chest would ease. He could get behind anything Shepard did, anything Shepard was willing to fight for. And if that was Cerberus, then so be it.

Maybe when (not if -- Miranda was very confident in the Lazarus Project's completion, and he knew better than to piss off someone from Cerberus when he couldn't even get a headstart) she woke up, he'd feel better.

"As for your new allegiances among us, we've found a capable pilot for when Commander Shepard wakes," He can hear Miranda clicking down the hall in those godforsaken heels, but a new pair of shoes following after her. Not heels, but not military boots either. He turns from his work station, deciding to pull himself up into a standing position in case Miranda has brought someone of some high rank in Cerberus with her. They don't tend to get a lot of new recruits (or at least, since he's been there), and he has chosen to remain rather reclusive since he arrived proper in their service, "Though your service record is rather...limited, I and the Illusive Man believe you'll work well together."

A co-pilot then? He didn't even have one of those on the SR-1. Someone else took the helm at night so he could get a little shut eye and whatnot, and y'know not drive them into a relay headfirst because of the lack of sleep, but he'd never actually had someone else in the seat next to him except for the lieutenant on occasion. That makes him a little nervous, and a little annoyed Miranda didn't say a word about this assignment to him either. He was Jeff Moreau, graduated top of his class and he sure as hell didn't need a co-pilot. Hell he had a service record to back it up, unlike whoever she'd brought on. Navigating the battle of the Citadel was just one of them, Therum and Virmire being others. The person with her is quiet, and doesn't respond as they grow closer to his glorified cubicle. Logging reports on colonies he made supply drops to, that could wait. He needed to know who his new babysitter was, and how soon he could convince them to lay off and find some other job on the new ship the Illusive Man had promised him.

He takes a pause when the two round the corner, but he doesn't focus on Lawson at first. The woman with her is far from what he was expecting. Maybe someone who was uptight, someone like Shepard with her hair pulled up far from her face and with some monotone voice like every AI he'd ever met. Someone who'd probably tell him not to do half the shit he did, and would probably report him for every little thing he said. Would probably get amusement from seeing him suffer until the new ship they had yet to reveal to him was stolen out from underneath him for all the glorified writeups he'd receive from someone like that.

That's not the reading he gets from her in the slightest. Hands on her hips, with a similar hat to his own mashed over her curly chestnut brown hair that tumbles out from underneath the brim of the cap. The Cerberus uniform isn't ill-fitting on her either, if he's being honest she's only a few years younger than he is, and those startling aquamarine eyes stare back at him. Tired, annoyed maybe. A scar runs through her cheek, freckles decorating around it and bags underneath her eyes. Short, but far from stout. Her lips pucker out, colored with a maroon lipstick as she surely takes him in the same way he does her.

She's pretty.

And she looks just like Shepard, save for the eyes and uptight attitude.

Oh shit.

"Mr. Moreau, we've found your co-pilot," Miranda clears her throat, pushing her hair over her shoulder, "Miss Citlali Velasquez, candidate for Flight Lieutenant of the SSV Iwo Jima before the crash of the SR-1 over Alchera."

Velasquez? As in the same Velasquez surname as Shepard-Velasquez?

Just his luck, and only now was he remembering that talk in the mess right before Virmire with everyone talking about their families. A few names stuck out to him now, someone named Sarah from Ashley's family and some from Wrex's, but now he's beginning to remember the younger pilot with the Shepard name. Checks out, yet only referred to as Lali. Had been considered for a posting such as his before his joyride in 2183.

Does she recognize him?

He's fucked if she does.

"Mr. Jeffrey Moreau, Flight Lieutenant and pilot," It's a clipped introduction, and he nearly mentions his status on the SR-1 himself before he takes a pause and it dawns on him that Miranda did it for a reason, leaving out his service record. He glances at her, and that omnipresent smirk is on her face. Maybe she knows that surely Shepard's younger sister (he thinks that's who he's looking at) would blame him for the SR-1's crash. That, would be bad for business, and this new partnership. He's at least conscious enough to make that decision, and it might save him some ill-fated fatality later. It feels like electricity is running through the air, though for now he's blaming that on the biotic standing next to him instead of his own nerves betraying him.

Begrudgingly, she holds out her hand to shake his. He takes it. She's warm, with a firm grip that says she undoubtedly means business. He doesn't know whether to tell her that any tighter, and she might shatter a few of his fingers, but he hides his gratefulness when she lets go, "Hope you're up to raising a little hell with me, Mr. Moreau."

"Sounds good," He answers. There's a twinkle in her eyes, popping out against her tawny brown skin that says he might be in okay hands, "Don't know what we're flying yet, but Shepard's in good hands with you and me."

"She sure as hell will be, with me at the helm this time around," Her expression darkens, "My sister died trying to save some damn pilot on the Normandy. Hope they're happy, wherever the hell they are. Damn glad she's even a little alive. Can't think of the name of her pilot right now, but you wouldn't be against a manhunt, yeah?"

Joker tries not to make it obvious he's about to start sweating bullets if she goes on like this. So she was aware of who he was, just hadn't made the connection between said pilot and the one that was standing in front of her presently. He wonders how long that'd last, and how many surgeries he'd need to logically run from her, "Right, of course not."

"Play nice, the both of you. I'll have assignments for you in the morning, 07:00. We'll see just how well the Illusive Man did with the recommendation," Miranda responds, knowing she's effectively done here playing the bridge between the pilots, "Citlali, your bunk is upstairs, across the hall from the women's washroom. Someone will get you set up with an omni-tool and station. Jeff--" She narrows her eyes at him, "I still haven't received your report from the last colony your delivered to. The Collectors aren't exactly a joke, and we didn't bring you here to freeload."

"I'll send it, was just about to do that when you got here," He holds up his hands in defense, and the woman raises an eyebrow in disbelief, "Promise."

Once the operative has left, she slips her hands from off her hips, pulling her hat off and running a hand through it before replacing it, tousling her tawny brown curls over her shoulders. Similar to his own habits, even if it was unconscious. She doesn't say anything for a moment, squinting at his form as he leans against the wall for more support. He was never one to stay standing for long, "Kinda look like you're about to chew me out for something. Sorry?"

"You probably outrank me anyway, Moreau. Haven't done anything to piss me off yet," For some reason, he wants to see her smile beyond just that little smirk she and his 'supervisor' have going on. There's a space between her two front teeth that he can see just underneath her lips, and through his somewhat unfocused haze, he can see she has twin moons sparkling from her earlobes, "It's what Lawson said, never enlisted but I was considered for some positions a while back. I like to fly fast and play loose with regs." She sighs longingly, "So upset I got looked over for the position on the Normandy. She was one hell of a ship."

"Uh, yeah. She was." He answers uneasily, considering whether or not she takes the hint to leave, "Damn best thing I'd ever flown."

And also immediately regrets what he alludes to twenty seconds after it's left his mouth.

She furrows her brow, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall next to him. No luck on that front then, "Sounds like you're speaking from experience, lieutenant," She chuckles sadly, "To be the lucky bastard who both flew it and got his commanding officer killed. Double edged sword if you ask me."

Well, no one said they had to be friends. But it still stings when she says it. It wasn't as if he was over Alchera just yet. He doubts he ever will be.

He misses Shepard. They weren't the best of friends, but she still left a hole where she used to be. They were all tied together by Shepard, and now that she was gone, he lost the friends he made because of her. No one from the old crew blames him for her death, even if his last conversations with Kaidan about going to Cerberus for her were very clipped and cold, he wants to blame that on the fact he did try to recruit an Alliance officer to a terrorist organization, and not that he'd gotten who he loosely assumes is his girlfriend killed because of his stubborn streak.

"I am," He answers, she narrows her eyes in response. He swallows down his pride and shrugs, "Most people call me Joker."

She pushes herself back off the wall, and he prepares himself for the onslaught he's sure to receive as the look of shock and anger flash across her face in realization. He'd rather not have to sleep with one eye open at night wondering if she'd found out his real identity in the end and have to watch for a knife in his back. At least now he can certainly say his life is not set in stone.

"Does Miranda know?" Is all she asks, her expression entirely blank and not betraying a single emotion to him, "Did she know when you got here?"

"Yeah. Probably whole reason they gave me the position as Shepard's pilot again." He says, watching as another report comes in on his omni-tool. He tries to give her a sarcastic smile, "Not like I'm entirely over it either. Don't worry, I won't get you killed too."

She pauses, her mouth slightly parted with a thought just on the tip of her tongue as he turns back around, sliding back into his seat. Relief washes over his body, the burning in his joints receding accordingly. Damn, did he miss Chakwas, "You can go now, you know. Doubt you'd want to stick around with me for too long."

"You --" She falters, before he feels his chair turn around without a hand on it. She's gently glowing blue and white, though it fades a minute later as she comes closer, "My sister died, yeah. But...she spoke like you were the second coming of the Mars relay. Means she died saving the best damn pilot in the Alliance. Ko-Shepard would never just give up her life for anyone."

She shakes her head, pinching the bridge of her nose, "Can't believe Miranda paired me with the last person to see my sister alive," She mutters, the killed just barely avoided by the tone of her voice and substituted with saw, before lifting her head to face him again, "Not going to lie, I'm not exactly happy to work with you, whether she's alive or in a coma or what. I'm sure I don't have to spell it out for you."

"Yeah, I get that. I'm not happy working with me either." He says sarcastically, giving her a look that says 'for the love of Sovereign please leave', "Didn't Miranda need you for something though?"

"Yeah," She says noncommitally as she looks at him up and down in a way that screams Shepard at him, "I'll see you at seven tomorrow then, Joker."

He doesn't waste another minute watching her go, before she turns around the corner and disappears. So his new co-pilot didn't want to kill him, not yet at least. And she was a biotic. Sounded great, definitely was extending his lifespan for decades.

He groans at the empty document in front of him, before pulling up the UI and subsequently the personnel report Miranda had badgered him to read for weeks. So not a babysitter. Possibly a cause of death. Her groans inwardly, her words and now the document confirming her relation to Shepard. Her track record checks out, though he raises an eyebrow at her year long stay at Jump Zero as a child (remembering off handed comments about the station from Lieutenant Alenko), a few years at Grissom Academy. Trained to be a pilot while there, and like Miranda had said, was a candidate for Iwo Jima in 2182. Young. Twenty four years old to his twenty nine.

Something says he and their new ship are going to be in, at best, okay hands.

[red-wardens]

So if you don't mind me asking, can you tell me more about your Shepards please? I'd love to know more about them! Thank you very much =)

((hello new friend I would die for you. Thank you so much for asking, I’d love to talk about them! I wish I had screenshots but I played back in 2011-2012 and I don’t have my xbox-360 anymore sadly..))

———-

My Shepards 

Universe 1: Nicole Shepard

Aesthetic Board

Class: Soldier (Proficient in all weapon types but specializes in Sniper Rifles). Fighting Style: Utilizes all ammo types but especially fond of incendiary and disruptive. Prefers to kill enemies from a distance with sniper shots (she, Garrus, Thane, and Legion keep track who can get the most headshots) but is very skilled with an assault riffle when they close in. Main Combo: Adrenaline Rush + Incendiary Ammo + Concussive Shot

Background: Earthborn. She and her family grew up very poor in the Philippines, she developed thick skin and deft hands, eventually falling into a gang of mostly underage delinquent. One day when she’s 14 she tries to pickpocket the wrong man- David Anderson knocks her flat on her ass. Instead of turning her over to security though, he takes pity on her, takes her out for a walk. She’s suspicious at first but comes to warm up to him after he buys her food; she tells him her family can’t afford to send her to school. He offers to sponsor her if she joins the local pre-military highschool and she jumps at the chance. Spends the next few years trying to catch up to her peers in reading and socializing and basic training. When she turns 18 she enlists in the Alliance and Anderson is there, expecting her. They’ve been close like a father-daughter ever since. 

Service History: Sole Survivor on Akuze. Develops PTSD afterwards and is prone to anxiety and panic attacks, especially when driving in open terrain (has not killed any thresher maws in the Mako, always drives away). Takes medication regularly. 

Personality: About 75% Paragon and 25% Renegade. For the most part she’s real made a turn-around from her street rat life: she’s outspoken, altruistic, good-humored, and a loyal friend. Anderson believes in her so she wants to do right by him. She’s impulsive at times (takes more than a few Renegade trigger options) but she means well, has a soft spot for troubled kids. She’s an ambivert, really needing her alone time when she needs it, but enjoys meeting new people and doing a wide variety of activities with her crewmates (shooting practice with Thane, meditating with Samara, gossiping with Kasumi, etc). Doesn’t have much respect for the law so being a SPECTR suits her. A bit of a nerd, she read every single codex entry. 

Main Parties: Garrus and Tali (ME). Garrus and [other party members except Miranda rotated evenly] (ME2). Garrus and Tali (ME3). Romance: Garrus Vakarian (not her first Turian, but she loves him more than anything. They retire somewhere nice and warm after the war because I say so and they deserve it.)

Personal Headcanons: She has a baby face and looks younger than she is. She stole a pyjak from Tuchanka after Grunt’s loyalty mission and kept it as a pet for a few weeks- but the crew made her put it back because it kept getting into their food stores. Collected all the ship models and bought the automatic feeder because she couldn’t keep her fish alive. Bought Grunt an “I love my mom” shirt (he wears it). And..(because I personally love him), she had a short but intense affair with Nihlus Kryik starting nearly a year before the start of ME1. They met while both on shore leave and he was surprised later to see she was the candidate he was going to train. They didn’t have any labels for what they were, but they were very close and she spends the majority of ME1 grieving him; hunting down and killing Saren was personal for her. 

Universe 2: Annie Shepard

Aesthetic Board

Class: Soldier (Proficient in all weapon types but specializes in Shotguns and Melee). Fighting Style: Utilizes all ammo types but mainly uses cryo ammo. Rushes in hard and fast taking out enemies before they have much chance to fight back (has legit ran towards charging krogan). Main Combo: Fortification + Cryo Ammo + Frag Grenade or Melee Hit (Omni-Blade)

Background: Spacer. She was practically bred and raised to be a perfect little soldier. Her parents separated when she was 10 and she lived on a space station with her father who was a strict, hard-to-please drill-sergeant type. He worked her relentlessly, especially in hand-to-hand combat. Was home-schooled and not allowed to date or have friends. She was sent to the Alliance at age 18 and ranked at or near the top of her class or squad in everywhere she was assigned. 

Service History: “Ruthless” Butcher of Torfan, not much else to be said. She’s fearless, she gets the job done, she doesn’t care about casualties.

Personality: 95% Renegade, 5% Paragon (kept the Renegade scars). Growing up the way she did made her apathetic and solitary, tending to not get along with those who approach her due to her stoicism and cold sarcasm whenever she does talk. There’s very few whose company she actually enjoys, among the few: Wrex, Thane, and Javik. She’s cynical, taciturn, and not one to mince words. Not a great person but an exceptional soldier and Commander. 

Main Parties: Wrex and Kaidan (ME). Thane and Jack (ME2). Kaidan and Javik (ME3). Romance: Thane Krios.

Personal Headcanons: She’s on the shorter side for a soldier (only 5′4). She likes wearing hoodies and wrapping her hands before sparring (kicks James’butt at least weekly and never hold back). Annie’s never been romantically attracted to anyone before Thane, and develops an almost codependent attachment to him and his company. He brings her peace and can actually get her to smile when they’re alone. She’s never quite the same after his death, and was not happy to have survived the war. Less than two years later, she is confined to a psych hospital on Earth where Kolyat would often visit. She and him go off the grid and become vigilantes after he breaks her out. 

[juleshawke]

Self-Rec Challenge

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favourite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers.

I was tagged by @bioticsandheadshots. Thank you for thinking of me and I’m tagging @vorchagirl @ellebeedarling @threewhiskeylunch @humblydefiant @tlcinbflo - sorry if you’ve already been tagged and only if you want too.

1. Surviving Hell On Earth (OCs and David Anderson) - WIP

Summary: Sergeant Matt Stokes was part of Vega's team responsible for Shepard but when the Reapers arrived only Vega and Shepard made it off Earth. All Stokes has to do now is survive but he's once more given a task he never expected and he'll be damned if he doesn't give it his all.

Why I Love It: This fic gave me a chance to introduce original characters and show what’s happening on Earth while Shepard is off on the Normandy. It’s a gritty, dirty and human look at how those left behind cope with the war. I like to think it’s some of my best work and allowed me to spread my wings while still writing for a fandom I love.

2. Careful What You Wish For (Shega) - WIP

Summary: He'd worshipped her from afar, always wanted the chance to say hello, maybe to serve under her. Then his mission had gone horribly wrong and he blamed her, resented her for it. Or did he. James Vega finds himself in a position he never expected and has to come to terms with his own pain and doubt.

Why I Love It: I started this at a time when few others were writing Shega but there was so much potential. I love how James has grown over the course of this fic, how he has come to be the perfect candidate for the N7 invitation he gets in game. I think he and Andora Shepard are perfect together and I like to think this is how a romance would have played out.

3. Out of Destruction (Shoker)

Summary: Second chances. He'd never believed in them but now he had one. Was he brave enough to use it? Could he be good enough? Would she feel the same? A Shoker story.

Why I Love It: The idea of Joker and Shepard felt right to me and I like to think I’ve done their relationship justice. I love the two of them together and I really enjoyed writing this when there weren’t many Shoker fics around. Plus Joker, just spending time in his head was awesome and drove me insane.

4. Only For You (Shenko)

Summary: Kaidan had a secret, one he never thought he'd use again but the look in Shepard's eyes and the need in him made him want to.  Just for her.

Why I Love It: My headcanon for Kaidan is that after BAaT he went off the rails for a while and did what he had to do to survive. I love that I surprised a lot of readers with this fic and made people smile.

5. With A Little Help (Shenko)

Summary: They have been kept apart by space, time and even death but their feelings for each other haven't changed.  Set between ME2 and into ME3 and the coming together of Shepard and Alenko with a little help from unexpected sources.

Why I Love It: This was the first long fic I wrote after being away from writing for some time (it’s probably in need of a rewrite) but I fell in love with Shenko and didn’t get enough in game. I wanted more depth to their story and I think I succeeded with this one. I started this before ME3 came out and it might be showing it’s age but I am still proud of it.

This was harder than I expected because several of the fics I love had to be left out.