#did i remember the 4th anniversary? no

[momentomori24]

Ahhh, the September 5th. The day after the 5 year anniversary of the Sans being in Smash reveal. *blows kiss at my 12 year old self* Happy anniversary of a very happy memory to you too, you little unhinged maniac. This is all for you.

[leaderwon]

come back i still need you

paring : nonidol!jungwon x reader

warnings : character death, ANGST left and right, mentions of being depressed

word count : 1.5k

luna's diary : kinda shed a tear writing this

IT HAD BEEN, 3 weeks and 6 days, since you left him.

He was stuck in the endless loop of the 4th stage of grief. Depression, and was left wondering if he'll ever move forward to the next stage and accept your death.

Oh how cruel the world was. Taking away his lover and the plans for the future you guys had carefully planned.

You guys were walking on the street on the day it happened. Giggles filling the both of your bodies as a silver band of ring with a small diamond shined on your ring finger. He had just proposed to you, with promises of giving you everything he had to offer, of staying by your side until his last breath, to grow up even more and have little yous running around. Maybe you could get a dog and a cat and live in a beautiful home.

And then it happened.

He still remembers the way you shoved him to the side as a car came speeding towards you. Your yells still ringing in his ears from the past 3 weeks.

He remembers slowly walking to you trying to take in what just happened. In the corner of his eye he could see the once silver, shiny ring now covered in blood. Your blood. It was everywhere. He felt sick to his stomach. He cradled your face as he broke into sobs. "No no this can't be happening baby wake up" He called out for you as his sobs turned into a breakdown. He saw the light in your eyes slowly disappear. He saw the love of his life leave him, even though you were right there.

2 days later, it was your funeral. As everyone showed him sympathy and gave him hugs. He was still in denial. The first stage of grief. He couldn't even count the amount of times he heard "let me know if you need anything, Jungwon". He needed you back in his arms, but none of the people could give him that. There's no way you could have just left, right? What about the promises? The home? The dog and the cat? mini yous?

Few days later, he slowly slipped into the second stage of grief. Anger. He was mad at no one but himself. He should have been the one to die, not an angel like you. The car should have hit him. Not you. Or maybe he was mad at you too? why would you sacrifice yourself and leave him alone?

Then came in the third stage of grief. Bargain. He prayed and prayed that this would be a long painful nightmare. No way the world could have been so cruel on him. He was just 20 wanting to see life with you by his side, there's no way his fate was written like this.

After realising that this wasn't a dream, and you really were gone, entered the 4th stage of grief. Depression. He was an empty void as he laid on his bed all day leaving all his friends worried. He only got up to eat, which was very rare by the way. Leaving the texts his friends sent him on delivered, he read the last conversation you had with him. Where he mentioned the date and that he had a surprise for you and your excited text messages as a small smile crept on his lips. How he wished he never took you out.

Come back. He still needs you.

It was a new day as the sun shone through Jungwon's curtains. Today, was your one month anniversary, of you getting engaged and also since you left. Today was the worst of all days. It had been a month? no way. "i wish i could turn back time and change everything" he mumbled.

"Time" he jolted up as he remembered something you said about turning back time. Hope rushed through his eyes as he swiftly got out of his bad and rushed to take a shower and get ready. He could not believe he did not think of this sooner. Getting dressed, he rushed out of his home. Coming back taking the ring you once wore in his hands and heading to his car.

"I'm going to get you back, my love"

20 minutes later he reached your apartment. He did not have the courage to step into your apartment after your death. Opening the door he smelled your familiar scent for the first time in a month. Not wanting to waste time, he got in and rummaged through your belongings. "Where is it, god damn".

Finally spotting the shiny wooden box. He picked it up seeing a necklace with a tiny clock in it. Wearing it, he saw as it started to glow.

"How may I help you today?" a voice spoke out as he looked at a beautiful woman in front of him.

"Who must you be? you're not one of them" The voice continued referring to your blood line. "I'm Yang Jungwon, I lost my lover in a car accident, exactly a month ago from now"

"You wish to bring her back?" The voice questioned him. "Yes I need to please. She mentioned about this pendent to me a while back. You need to help me" He replied begging. "Jungwon, I'd suggest you move on. You'll lose yourself if anything goes downhill, and there are less number of chances of it going good and it going bad." The female figure said showing sympathy. "Please, miss. I don't have anything to lose anymore, she was my everything" He said breaking down into a sob.

Sighing, she touched the pendent on his colar. "What time do you want to go to?" she asked giving in. "Exactly a month ago" He said as the necklace started to glow again. "Goodluck, Jungwon" she said.

He was going to make sure you were alive. But at what cost?

In a blink of an eye, he was back. On the street, with you. "I honestly didn't expect you to do it today" Your voice said. Oh how he missed your voice, to see your face in front of him again and to hold his hand. He suddenly remembered why he was here as he became hyper-aware of his surroundings. He knew the car would be coming your way any second. Before he could think of changing your position, it was too late. The car was already coming towards you at an increasing pace. There was no way he could save the both of you.

So he did what he initially came back for.

He saved you.

Shoving your body to the side, he felt the car hit him as he lost consciousness. The last thing he saw was you standing and looking at him in utter shock. Atleast you were safe and alive.

"Jungwon? baby hey, wake up" you cradled his face and broke down into sobs, the same way he did, in another time line. You left a peck on his forehead as you left him there rushing to your apartment.

I'm not going to lose you Jungwon. Not like this.

You rummaged through your belongings, the same way he did. Wearing the pendent, you wished to go back 20 minutes from your present.

You were back with him, on the same street, holding his hand as you listened to him talk to you. You knew the time was near as you walked faster looking for a turn that could divert you form the path in which it was about to happen. Before you could find something, you heard the car's tire screech behind you. There was no way you could save the both of you.

So you did what you initially came for.

You saved him.

You shoved him to the side as the car came in contact with your body. The last thing you saw, was him. Atleast he was safe and alive.

He slowly walked to you trying to take in what just happened. In the corner of his eye he could see the once silver, shiny ring now covered in blood. Your blood. It was everywhere. He felt sick to his stomach. He cradled your face as he broke into sobs. "No no this can't be happening baby wake up" He called out for you as his sobs turned into a breakdown. He saw the light in your eyes slowly disappear. He saw the love of his life leave him, even though you were right there.

It was a new day as the sun shone through Jungwon's curtains. Today, was your one month anniversary, of you getting engaged and also since you left. Today was the worst of all days. It had been a month? no way. "i wish i could turn back time and change everything" he mumbled.

Fast forward to him wishing of going back to a month prior to save you. He managed to save you, but lost his life. Not being able to manage with the grief of him gone, you tried to save him. You managed to do so, but you lost yours in exchange. And this continued.

The woman was right afterall when she warned the two you.

Trying to save eachother, the both of you were stuck and lost yourselves in an endless time loop.

@leaderwon 2024. Do not copy, translate,alter or plagarize in any platform.

[hkruu]

Can you write a cold and distant yandere CEO with everyone but a total puppy to the reader?

“NOTICE ME.” — hkr

\\ yan ceo , loser behavior behind doors lmfao , implied favoritism , stalking , mention of murder and violence , slightly sadistic (?) , not my usual style of writing but I tried !! //

Keith was loosing his mind, do these worms that work under him not understand English? He swears that anyone could drop dead and he wouldn't care except for that worker (you) that he always seemed to favor out of anyone.

Of course everyone that worked on the company was aware.

"Seriously, how do you even gain the favor of boss? I swear he's a tough ice." One of of your co-workers had asked, you could only shrug in response. You of all people didn't know why Keith favored you among the best, I mean just why? There was Kayla who was employe of the month, Seth who was his assistance so what could you offer?

Keith who somehow gets jealous of everything and anything, you try to interact with the newbies? Huh, when did they become so busy with a lot of paper works? It's only their first day . . . If you want answers you might wanna turn to Seth.

Keith who really likes seeing you working hard, it reminds him the times where he watched you study hard for your degree during September 3 at 3:17 am — you're asking why he knows that? Well he's Keith, a normal guy trying to make business.

When Keith is alone, you might mistake him from another guy. Behind the doors of his office room, you're greeted with the warmth of his affection and a soft tone going “Good day".

Keith acts like a total puppy around you and he doesn't care, if you want to change your schedule it's already done in a swift! Want to be an air-conditioned room? Already done and dusted. You murmur wanting to be employee of the month? Oh would you look at that, you're employee of the month!

Of course, he'd always find a way where it's always related to him. He did want his name engraved into your head. . . .

Keith's love language is definitely act of service and gift giving. It's one of his strong suits since it came so naturally over him, he'd always remind you that he only shows this side to you because you are special to his eyes. Of course, some employee who overhead it will be the one who's flustered instead.

You two don't have a label in your point of view, but in Keith's? He practically thinks it's your 4th anniversary! He just loves you so much, why can't you just accept his love and let him trap you in his safe space? You won't have to work, do chores and even lift a finger. Keith would happily do anything you wanted, your needs mattered more than his.

Keith is the type to let the situation defuse by itself but when dealing with someone getting in his way to finally make you his — he's not above to resorting to violence. Even if Keith soft to you, he will never hesitate to resort to bad behavior just to make you stay by his side, like an actual loyal partner.

Murder wasn't a second choice, it was always the first choice. It didn't matter if it was a simple misunderstanding or a little trouble, there was no harm in ending lives when it came to you. Keith doesn't find blood dirty, he finds it fascinating. Blood keeps your heart pumping, blood runs through your veins at this very moment, it's something he likes feeling, touching.

That CEO is no psychopath, he calls it affection. Can't you see all the efforts he did just so that you could be in a higher position? Did you not acknowledge everything he did to you during highschool? During middle school? College? Do you not remember Keith? It was a shame, but this time he would make sure that you'd remember him for the rest of your life.

Even if you run away, quit your job, live in another country. Keith will always follow in any shape or form, he'll engrave the memories you spent together in your stupid brain, he'll carve his name into your skin and watch it bleed with your blood.

Keith is a normal guy. He's distant and cold, he keeps everything to himself, and he certainly doesn't like sharing.

\\ sorry if it's short ><!! I thought I was free the whole day but uhhh my schedule said no and sent me to a writing frenzy irl again!!//

\\ grrr request now cus I AM SKIBIDI //

\\ tysm for requesting anon, I hope I didn't go ooc 😞 (I did) //

[dark-frosted-heart]

Choose Your True Love - Azel Radwan (part 3/4)

This is the from the 4th anniversary event

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. 

The living god, who usually didn’t hold an ounce of interest in me, brazenly followed me into my room.

Was going to my room necessary for his “nightly stroll”—

I thought back to how he had captured the attention of everyone in court and held my head.

(I’m sure he’s been seen entering my room…there’s going to be weird rumors spreading tomorrow)

Emma: Prince Azel…

Azel: I like how the view of the moon from this guest room.

Emma: …It’s bigger and more beautiful when you look at it outside.

Azel: It’s my preference.

Emma: If that’s the case, then I think I’ll go somewhere else.

(Before someone gets the wrong idea…)

When I turned to leave, he grabbed my hand.

Emma: …What?

Azel: I’m simply grabbing your hand.

Emma: It can’t be just that. Is there a reason why I can’t leave my room?

Azel: No, where you go doesn’t matter to me.

Emma: Then please let me go.

Azel: You’re pretty bold to give a god commands.

Emma: …It’s not a command, but a request.

Azel: I don’t feel like listening.

(Moody!)

Mysterious eyes stared down at me grumpily—or maybe he was sulking.

It was a strange feeling, like they were cursing at me, saying “it’s your fault,” even though I haven’t done anything.

(Maybe I’m just imagining things…)

Emma: Prince Azel, if there’s something you want to say, then please say it.

Azel: I got nothing to say.

Emma: People who have nothing to say don’t hold me back like this.

Azel: I’m not holding you back. Don’t make me repeat myself.

Emma: You’re being unreasonable?!

Azel: Are you complaining?

Emma: Very much so!

Azel: …You… I can’t be here?

(W-why…does he look so offended)

A frown gradually formed on that handsome face sculpted by the gods.

He obviously wanted to say something, but was hesitant to do so.

Emma: …It’s not that you’re not allowed in here, I just don’t know what’s going on in your head.

I stared into his starry eyes, trying to read his mind.

I almost got lost in his inhumanly beautiful eyes, but the longer I stared, the more the stars looked like sparks.

Azel: …Heartless.

Emma: Excuse me?

Azel: If for you, nothing’s happened yet, then… I’ll throw everything that’s happened for me.

Emma: …Um…?

Azel: How can you be so carefree when you’ve cursed a god?

Emma: I haven’t cursed anyone?!

Azel: Nope, you’ve cursed me. Or else I wouldn’t have followed you here. …Why can’t I let you go?

(...? Did he say something…)

Emma: This has to be some sort of misunderstanding.

Azel: I wish it was, damn it.

(...Huh?)

The more we spoke, the closer that mysterious starry sky got.

My heart started beating faster, as if in response to heat radiating from the shimmering stars.

(What is this atmosphere)

(Uneasy…thick and sweet…)

It was either an alarm going off, or something more.

When I pulled my hand away, he pulled back, bringing us even closer than before.

Azel: It’s all your fault.

The huge moon, the view from the room, all of it was filled by the beautiful visage of the god before me.

When people find themselves in some kind of unexpected situation, they freeze up instead of running away. Even when they feel like they can’t breathe or think they're in danger, their feet are glued to the floor.

(If this keeps going…)

We were so close that I unconsciously stopped breathing, and I was too nervous to even blink. Our lips were almost touching—though the moment I thought that, Prince Azel moved and buried his face in my shoulder.

Azel: ……Damn it.

Emma: I… I just remembered something urgent. Excuse me!

When I came back to my senses, an unfamiliar emotion suddenly erupted, so I shook off Prince Azel’s hand and ran out of the room.

--

Emma: (What…what was that just now?!)

(I thought he was acting strange, but there’s no way the Prince Azel I know would do something like that)

(...Calm down. Just calm down)

(...)

(No, it’s impossible. I can’t calm down!)

I sprinted down the hallway to cool off my burning face.

But the moment I rounded a corner, I found my path blocked my palace maids.

Maid: Lady Emma, you’re here. We were about  to come get you. Come now, let’s go.

Emma: Huh…?

After dealing with the complex Prince Azel, I was caught by maids who looked oddly cheery. 

They snatched my left and right hands, dragging me away against my will.

Emma: Wait! What do you want from me?!

Maid: We thought we would help cleanse you, of course.

Emma: Cleanse…?

Maid: Please do not worry. We’ve all once served in the harem. This sort of thing is our specialty.

--

(What do they mean “this sort of thing”?!)

(...No, I have a guess, but I don’t want to acknowledge it!)

The maids of Tanzanite castle politely tossed me into the bath.

I declined their offer to help me bathe, but I wanted to throw all my thoughts away in this spacious bath.

(The worst is that there’s already a misunderstanding)

(Maids waited outside with scented oils, and all my clothes were taken away…)

(...What do I do? I want to cry. But first, I need to clear up this misunderstanding)

(Anyway! This is all Prince Azel’s fault)

(This new form of harassment is overdoing it…But that’s just harassment—)

I sank into the bubbling water when I heard footsteps echo in the bathhouse.

???: Haaaa…Now I remembered that I didn’t stop this.

(?!)

Azel: You okay?

Emma: Wha…

Azel: If you are, then that’s good. If you weren’t drugged, then—

Emma: AHHHHHHHHH!

Azel: ?!

[argumentl]

Fan-translation

Phy.25 Kaoru Interview (April 2024)

(Interview by Hasegawa Yukinobu)

ーAlong with the new single 'The Devil In Me', you have also recorded self-covers of your songs 'Cage' and 'Yokan'. Had you already decided to do this at the time you were making your previous release '19990120'?

Yes, we had. The idea behind the last release was originally in part due to our 25th anniversary, but we also thought it would be a good chance to reconnent with those people who had been fans of Dir en grey in the old days, but who had since drifted away. But we couldn't just re-release the old songs and then be like, 'Ok, thats it'.

ーYou have to get those returned fans to listen to your new music too, right?

So, we made 19990120 and planned to release a new song straight after, but as for what to include for the coupling tracks on the new song, we decided self-covers of Cage and Yokan would be good.

ーYou re-recorded the 3 songs from your debut release for 19990120, but following this, you went for your 4th and 5th singles. By the way, I personally found it very emotional that the band chose to re-record Yokan.

Did you?

ーI think you know this, but I've loved Yokan since way back....You know that, right?

Uh, no. I didn't know that (lol)

ーDo you remember that whiteboard there used to be backstage at Studio Coast, you would use it to decide the setlist? There were magnets with song names taped onto them, and you would use them for deciding that day's setlist. I once even tried making some magnets for Yokan and Akuro no oka, and sticking them on the whiteboard myself. Thats how much I love those songs (lol)

Oh, yeah, I remember that. (lol)

ーAnyway, regardless of that, looking back at these songs from the time of your debut, I really felt the Dir en grey of 1998. How did you approach your next moves in terms of sound back then?

Back then? Well, for the first three songs, they needed to have a big impact. Then following this, the singles Cage and Yokan had the restraint of being tied to a major label. We had to figure out how to make melodious but also interesting songs.

ーMaking songs with a major label?

Thats how it always goes, right? And record companies want follow up singles to have just as much punch as the debut single. So thats the kind of situation we were in making Cage and Yokan. But within ourselves we were also making them with the album in mind.

ーNot as stand alone singles?

This was our first full album as a band, so I wanted to include a lot of songs. With 5 singles included they had to be songs that would fit well with the other songs on the album. I remember having this in mind while making Cage and Yokan.

ーA lot of visual kei came out in the second half of the 90s, but in 1999, with your first album Gauze, I really got the sense that the members didn't want to fit into that typical band mold.

At the time, we were just so driven we didn't mind being seen as unorthodox. To put it in an extreme way, it was kinda like, 'As long as we make an impact, who cares about the music!'.

ーDynamite Tommy's band 'Color' had a similar outlook. They would say in interviews, 'We are an unorthodox band!'. Maybe you were influenced by him? (lol)

No, I don't think that has anything to do with it (lol). But at the time, there were not a lot of bands with flashy visuals. I mean, there were in the following generations, but in our generation visual kei was mostly bands wearing fancy suits. With us, there was a part of us that just wanted to be different, I think thats reflected in the songs too. Whether it was the single, or the label, whatever...we just wanted to do something out of the ordinary (lol). Also, we knew that our producer at the time Yoshiki, would make it sound good for us in the end.

ー Were you aiming to get to the top by being out of the ordinary?

No, not really. I wasn't thinking about the songs selling to such an extent while I was making them. Of course, I still thought this band would sell records, but part of me also thought 'How weird for this kind of band to be big'. So instead of aiming for the top, I just aimed to make interesting work. But of course, being with a major label at the time, we would have requests come in regarding the lyrics and the music. And the more I hear this kind of thing, the more I just want to go in the complete opposite direction. These were the circumstances in which we created Gauze. So at the time, I thought to myself 'After this I'm never gonna make another album like Gauze'. (lol)

ーYou wanted to be more free to make it in your own way?

Well, actually its like this every time, but whatever I make, even if I put my all into it, I always look back with some regret wishing I had done parts of it slightly differently. So after Gauze, I did think that I always want to surpass my previous work each time. Nowadays, its less about surpassing, but more about finding something different to try.

ーTo surpass=to deny your former selves, so the band underwent some changes, didn't it? I think the turning point came in about 2005 when the band began overseas activities.

Yeah, we went overseas and I think thats when we realised the importance of just being ourselves. Foreign bands stand on stage unashamed of who they are and what they do. There is a purity to it. So for us to chase our goals, I realised it wasn't just about surpassing ourselves, but also being more defiantly ourselves.

ーWere you not as self-confident before that?

Before that there was a lot that we simply didn't understand. From making music, to playing lives, finding ourselves was like fumbling through fog, grasping at things bit by bit. Eventually I realised this was our way of trying to reach our goals. So even just standing on stage, I would still feel a bit unsteady in myself. But going over there and playing lives, I felt more grounded. I realised its ok to just stand there, even completely stripped bare, and just to be yourself.

ー That realisation, yeah.

It was the right time to realise it. Maybe thats why we discovered how to show what was truly within us at that time. Our heavy sound wasn't just a result of lowering the tuning or using a heavy amp.

ーYeah.

I can't really explain it well, but its not about searching for something that is missing, the important thing is using what you have inside you. Whatever comes out from inside the 5 of us is good enough. For example, if you look at Shinya drumming, he doesn't seem like he has a heavy sound in him, but its HIS sound, so its ok. I don't want to change or manipulate it, the band sounds the way it does because of that. Rather than wanting something more, we should be a band that uses each member's sound just as it is.

ーIts great to acknowledge each member like that.

That's all we can do.

ーThats how a band should be, but bands are also groups of people with strong egos. There are also times when too much self assertion leads to failure.

Well, we have had times like that, in the 25 plus years we have been together. But I feel like we are where we are now because of that. You could say that we are similar now to how we were at the time of our debut....because we didn't know how to make music then, but we were just being ourselves. So its kind of interesting for us to re-do these old songs now.

ーWhen you look at these songs which you made 25 years ago, did you feel like they were interesting songs?

I feel like I tried hard to make something interesting. I just had an idea of what I wanted. But the gap between that and the reality was huge, so I constantly felt bad about it. I was remembering this during the recording.

ーDid you feel nostalgia for your young self?

Well, I still worry about things like I did then. I still get stumped when something feels a bit off when writing songs, but now I prioritise discovering what I have in me.

ー 'What you have in you'.....could it be...'The Devil In Me'!? (lol)

Hahaha

ーAs for the new single, what kind of image did you have for it?

Well, I discussed it with the members, but even before that, I had a vision of what would be good for our next move. But if it turned out exactly as I had envisioned, it would be less fun. So the members' opinions are really important.

ーIts a song unlike any you've done before. Its less about developmets or structure, but it really establishes each member's presence. Does this song represent the band's style going forward?

Yeah, its a different style than we've previously had, but I think its ok to keep it simple. Its a chemical reaction between the members. That's what the band depends on. Its not about who does what, its what do these 5 members each make you feel. Even a song which I'm not playing in is ok, if you feel that I am.

ーThats impossible (lol)

No, its not (lol)

ー But I feel like this is the territory you have arrived in after 25 years.

I think thats the type of thing that will make the band more interesting. How can I say it, we don't even have to make it weird, it just has to sound like us. We have over 100 songs now, right? Before we would try to cram stuff into a song to make it sound like us, but now we don't have to intentionally do that. In other words, its something thats easy to convey. Something that you can feel the presence of the 5 of us when you hear it. This will feel different depening on each listener, but thats how we are doing it now. And its the same for our new song too.

[vioartemis]

I love her so much...

(Jenna Ortega x fem! reader)

Summary: After she comes home late in the night, Jenna and you have a fight Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 2 [au] Request is here :)) Warnings: angst (English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if there are mistakes or if something doesn't make sense TvT)

You had been Jenna's girlfriend for almost two years, but lately, your relationship wasn't at its best. Rather at its worse actually. She had been ignoring you lately, and it was starting to be difficult to deal with.

You were alone at your shared appartement, in tears, when the doorbell rang. You got up shakily and made your way to the door, opening it for the girl behind it.

"Hey..." she said

"Hey..." you replied

You stepped to the side so she could enter, but quickly broke down in her arms.

"I don't know what to do Emma... I can't... I can't do this anymore..."

The girl held you close and rubbed your back, before leading you to the couch where you could both sit.

"I know, I understand... Maybe..." she bit her lip

"What...?"

"If you wait for her to come home you could talk, get things straight..."

"I don't even know if she will come home tonight..."

"It's okay, I'm sure she will... I'll stay with you until then if you want..."

"Yes please..."

Time passed by, and quickly it was 2am.

As you were still crying in Emma's arms, you heard the door of your appartement open, followed by footsteps. Jenna was home. Finally.

She entered the room, putting her keys back in her bag, and froze and she saw you.

"Where the fuck where you?" you asked

"Are you cheating on me?"

You couldn't believe your ears. Did she really asked that?

"I should probably go..." Emma said, getting up

"No, stay" you tell her, before turning to your girlfriend "You're seriously asking me if I am cheating on you?"

To everyone's surprise, you let out a laugh.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me. You've been ignoring me for weeks, and I am the one who's cheating? You get up so early and come back so late I don't even see you anymore! And when you don't you spend all your time with Percy! "

"I'm sick of your jealousy Y/n! I told you there's nothing between Percy and I-"

"I know!" you cut her off "But you spend all your time with him! It's like I don't exist anymore! Do you even care about me? About us?"

"Of course I do!"

"Okay then. What day is it?"

"What? I don't know the... the 4th of July?"

"And?"

"And what?"

"What. Day. Is. It?" you repeated, throat tight

She stayed silent. You could tell she was thinking hard. Which hurt you even more.

"I- I don't know, Y/n."

You chuckled, whipping the tears in your eyes with shaky hands. You wanted to believe she would remember. You wanted to believe you were important to her. She just crushed all your hopes.

"It's our anniversary, Jenna. Was our anniversary, considering that it's 2am now. You really do care a lot, huh?"

You watched as realization hit her. Maybe she did care a little after all.

"So you spent our anniversary with Emma?"

Or not.

"Don't try to turn the situation around. I spent all day waiting for you. I had everything planned. I thought we would finally be able to be together and talk about us." you felt your anger rising "I called you 27 times. 27 fucking times Jenna. You never picked up, not once. I texted you too. Still no answer. So yes, I called Emma. It was already past midnight. I called her once, and guess what? She answered and came, even at that time."

You had to take a deep breath to prevent tears from rolling down your cheeks.

"Y/n I'm sorry I was-"

"With Percy? Figured that out."

"No it's not-"

"Jesus, Jenna! Stop trying to find excuses! Stop pretending that you care about us! You didn't even remember it was our anniversary!"

"Of course I care I- there's just... a lot going on right now... But I love you Y/n..."

You couldn't help another chuckle to escape your throat.

"No, you don't love me! You ignore my calls, my texts, you don't kiss me anymore, you don't talk to me anymore, you don't even look at me anymore! How can you say you love me when you do all that...?"

"I do! I- I love you I-"

"If you really loved me you would've picked up. Read my texts. Answered me in any way. But you didn't, Jenna. You left me alone on the day of our anniversary, crying all the tears in my body when I understood you wouldn't come."

"But I didn't know! If I knew you were crying I would've-"

"Of course you didn't know. How would you know, considering you barely say hello to me these days? And what would you have done? Taking me in your arms, telling me everything would be okay, even though we both know it's not true?"

"N-no I- I would've... I would've..."

She too had tears in her eyes now. She was hurt, and it only made things worst for you. But you had to. You couldn't continue living like this.

"It's too late, Jenna. I- I can't..."

"What...?"

"I can't keep up doing this." you took another deep breath, fist clenched hard "It's over, Jenna."

It hurt you to do this, but she didn't leave you any other choice. This relationship had become toxic, and for your own good, you had to end it.

"What...?" she repeated "N-no Y/n wait..."

You took a little box out of your pocket and threw it at her. She caught it, confused.

"Here, your anniversary gift."

You then walked past her, to the door.

"What are you doing...?" the brunette asked, her voice trembling

"I'm leaving." you had to make an insane effort not to cry "I'll be back tomorrow to pack my things."

You didn't wait for an answer and got out of the appartement, Emma following you.

Deep down, you hoped she would burst out of the flat and follow you, try to hold you back, do anything that could prove she still loved you. But she didn't.

You arrived on the sidewalk without anyone to stop you. That did it for you.

You broke down again, in the middle of the street, letting all the tears flood down your cheeks, all the sadness, the pain, out. Your heart was in million pieces.

And again, Emma took you in her arms, patting your back gently.

Jenna didn't move from her previous position, in the middle of your living room. She was devastated, tears rolling down her cheeks. She never meant to push you away. She felt like she had ruined everything. And it was the truth. She did.

She wanted to run after you, tell you she was sorry, tell you she would try to be better, to be more here, anything that could make you come back. But her legs weren't working. No matter how hard she tried to move, she couldn't.

Her own incapacity to do anything only made her cry more. With a cry, she finally managed to move and stumbled to the window.

And what she saw really broke her.

You, in Emma's arms, again. You were crying, again, because of her.

She loved you, she really did. But all she did was hurting you lately. She didn't deserve you. You didn't deserve to be with someone like her.

Maybe it was better if she didn't try to hold you back...

You wanted to run back to her, hold her tight, kiss her, tell her you didn't mean it, tell her you loved her... But you couldn't. It was simply not good for you.

Your cries only intensified at the thought.

"Y/n..."

"I love her so much..." you cried out, voice hoarse from crying

"I know... I know..."

[Next part] || [Next part [au]]

[room13]

Celebration

Tangerine x F!Reader

Warnings: +18 smut, dirty talk, fluff

Tangerine came back home from a job the previous night, and the minute he and Lemon got off the airport and into his brother’s car the only place Tan could ever think of going to was your flat, and so he did. Lemon left him at your building’s front door and at that moment Tangerine felt like he could finally breathe again. The first thing he did once he entered your flat in the early hours of the morning was to go straight to the bathroom for a much-needed shower. Even though in his tired state he could simply just lie in bed and call it a night, he knew how much you hated when people laid in bed with street clothes or unshowered, so without thinking twice he entered your bathroom and took the warmest shower his body could handle. The last thing he remembered before sleep took over him was going to your bed - in all of his naked glory - and cuddling you tightly in his arms.

After a stressful 12-hour shift at work, the only thing you wanted the most was to get home and sleep. Fuck your 4th anniversary, fuck celebrations, and fuck everybody! Your new boss was a complete asshole and was getting incredibly difficult to find the motivation to get up every morning and face a job that used to be your biggest dream - which undoubtedly now was nothing but a nightmare.

“Fucking asshole! Can’t tell the difference between a needle and a toothpick, and now he wants to tell me how I’m supposed to do my job? Yeah, right. When you’re able to do your fucking job properly then you come talk to me, you little fucker” You murmured to yourself as you turned around to lock the front door.

The sweet scent of the roses was still absent to you as well as the imposing figure of the British man who now stood behind your frame with a dishcloth tossed over his shoulder.

“I can take care of him for you, poppet. It would only take me a bullet”

The thick accent made you jump in fright, and with your hand pressed against your chest, you slowly turned around to face your handsome boyfriend “Jesus Christ, Tan. Don’t sneak up on me like that! You almost gave me a heart attack”

“I’m sorry, love” He chuckled and pulled you in for a tight hug. Tangerine’s lips engulfed yours in a deep, loving kiss and soon enough you giggled at the feeling of his mustache tickling your upper lip.

“Do you want me to shoot him in the parking lot?” Tan asked with a quirked eyebrow.

“Oh my god, no” You laughed before swatting his chest playfully when he asked “A beat down then? I can send him to the ICU so you can go there and turn off the machines” He smiled wickedly when your eyes widened in shock.

“Tan!” You reprimanded as he shrugged “What? It’s a good option!”

“Okay, that’s enough” You held back a faint chuckle as you pecked his lips “I appreciate the thought, even though it’s wicked and murderous. You k-“ You stopped mid-sentence once you caught a glimpse of the scenario behind your boyfriend.

The candlelit room and dozens of roses spread throughout the entire house was not something you’ve ever thought Tangerine would do. He doesn’t consider himself a ‘romantic man’ and made that very clear from the beginning of your relationship, but every time that man did something for you, you never failed to be amazed by how much of a hopeless romantic he is.

“Oh baby, this is beautiful! You did all of this for me? Tan, you’re so sweet” You caressed his cheek and laid a soft kiss on his exposed chest.

“Well, ya know, I was waiting for you to come home then I got a bit bored and did this” He waved his hands around the perfectly decorated living room “It’s nothing, really” Tangerine shrugged “It’s not a celebration or anything like that”

“So you’re telling me you didn’t do this because it’s our anniversary?” You squint your eyes playfully before pulling him closer to you by the waistband of his gray joggers.

“Is that today? Oh, who would’ve thought? I guess it’s just a mad coincidence, innit?” Tangerine shrugged again as his fingers began to massage the sore muscles of your neck.

“So you just bought dozens of roses for no reason?” You moaned softly at the perfect pressure he was applying to your tensed muscles.

“They were on sale” Tan teased with a playful smirk “I love when you moan for me” His growl was low and possessive against your lips and his hands instantly left your neck to take two handfuls of your ass.

“Yeah? Like this?” You moaned again, while Tan’s teeth tugged on your plumped bottom lip. His hands began to roam through your body, taking handfuls of your curves and exploring the body he has missed so much the last couple of weeks “Exactly like that, poppet. Fuck, you make me so hard for you”.

Your hands wandered down Tangerine’s body, feeling his chiseled torso beneath your fingertips. His hands traveled up your sides until they stopped at the back of your head, gripping two handfuls of hair, tugging at the scalp, and making you moan against his full lips.

“Fuck me, Tan. Make me your obedient little whore” Your whisper came out soft and sweet, lowly professing your lust as if it was a dark secret.

Tangerine’s growl earned a small giggle from you, that was easily replaced with a surprised gasp once your back hit the concrete wall behind you.

“Oh poppet, poppet” He tsked his tongue in disapproval “That naughty mouth of yours is going to put you in big trouble, little girl” Tangerine’s hand began to roam through your curves, pushing your uniform pants down your thighs and tapping your leg for you to kick the fabric away from your feet.

Your lips innocently smiled at him but your eyes held that teasing gleam that made Tangerine’s cock stir in his pants. “I was only asking for something simple” You begin, thumbs hooking on the waistband of your black cotton panties and dragging them down your thighs.

“And what are you asking for, love?” Tangerine smirked, eager to hear the dirty words spilling out of your mouth.

The pads of your middle and ring finger settled on your clit, drawing lazy circles on the bundle of nerves. Your free hand pulled Tangerine towards you until he was close enough for you to palm his hard cock through the sweatpants.

“I want this inside me, fucking me hard and deep enough for me to feel you here” You quickly touched your lower belly before closing your fist around Tangerine’s erection through the fabric, the firm pressure of your grip making him groan loudly “Fuck, poppet. That fucking mouth”

“Just think about it, Tan” You teased with a grin, “Think of how good your cock is going to feel slipping into something tight and warm”

Tangerine growls, quickly pushing his sweats down his muscular thighs and gripping his uncut length to rub it against your wet folds.

“I don’t want to think about it, love. I want to feel it” Tangerine pushed you up against the wall, firmly holding you against the concrete and tapping your thighs for you to lock them around his waist. He aimed his tip against your entrance, slowly teasing until he thrust into you with one swift motion.

“Oh fuck, yes. Jesus, you’re so fucking wet” Tangerine grunted against your lips, already settling a long and deep rhythm to his rapid thrusts. He made sure to let you feel his every inch coming in and out of you.

“Such a tight cunt, poppet” He nibbled on your bottom lip, “I love fucking you”

“Yeah?”

“Fuck yes! I’m fucking addicted to it” Tangerine’s thumb began to circle your clit, instantly making you melt against the wall.

“Look how good that cunt takes me. Takes the whole fucking thing. So warm, wet, and tight for me” He grunted, momentarily speeding the rhythm of his thrusts.

“I have a surprise for you” You giggled before moaning “Put your hand further back” You instructed and so Tangerine did.

His hand left your bundle of nerves to travel back towards your ass. Tangerine’s fingers slipped inside your spread ass cheeks and he growled upon feeling the tangerine shaped cool metal.

“Oh poppet, I’m gonna fucking ruin you tonight”

[pedal-writes]

Homesick (3)

A/N: Omg late happy seventeenth anniversary to transformers 2007 guys (and happy 4th of July ig…)!!! I unironically love that movie so much and I can’t believe I’m almost as old as it lolz also writing the dialogue from the whole police station scene was SO unserious 😭

Oh yeah, I might start using some dialogue from the 2007 novelization, just to add some spice. So if a few of the scenes from the movie look or sound different, y’all know why :3

Warnings: implied nudity?? Idk it’s not nsfw, also singular use of Y/N. This is the only time in the entire story Y/N will ever be used I swear!!

(Im rewriting this chat!!! It’s lowk trash so like don’t read it… ☹️)

The next morning, you woke up with a horrible headache and a mildly annoyed attitude. You mentally cursed at yourself from being careless the night before and you needed to take a shower.

You got undressed and stepped into the tub, the hot water spraying onto your skin. You reminisced about the events of the night before, staring at a spot on the wall as you got lost in thought.

Maybe it was some creepy guy trying to pretend to be a cop… or worse, a creepy cop. The thought irked you a bit, and you dipped your head under the running water, attempting to distract yourself.

About 30 minutes passed. You exit the bathroom and rush into your room to change. Gripping the towel around your body, you crouch down to see what you have in your suitcase. You pick out something casual, a t-shirt and pair of jeans, just in case you want to head out again today. As you changed into your clothes, you picked your towel up and ruffled it through your hair to dry it off quickly. The muffled sound of your parents talking could be heard through your door and you open it to see worried expressions on their faces.

Apparently, Sam had been arrested for getting caught in some junkyard and was kept overnight at the police station. You were kind of baffled by this, how did Sam of all kids get himself arrested? He was just going to a lake party after all.

Before your dad was about to turn to leave, you quickly hollered you wanted to come with from the top of the stairs and quickly went back to your room to brush your hair so you didn’t look like a mess. You slid a pair of sandals on and threw the brush on your bed, rushing to the stairs. You said goodbye to your mom and followed your dad out the front door.

“So, why’d you want to come with? You’re not gonna make fun of your brother are you…?” Ron said, opening the drivers side door.

“What? No, of course not. It’s just weird to hear that Sammy managed to get involved with the cops, and he’s usually a pretty good kid.” You opened the passengers side door and sat down, Ron starting the car and pulling out of the driveway. “As his older sister, I just want to know why he’s, y’know, in this situation.”

Ron nodded understandably. “You’re a good sister, looking out for your brother and all. I just hope he isn’t in too much trouble.”

As you guys eventually got to the station, a small pit grew in your stomach and you began to feel a bit nervous. You remember an image of the police car following you, what if it really was a cop that chose to target you? And he sees you in the station today?

The door of the station rung as your dad pushed it open, you following close behind. You looked from each side of the station multiple times but no one seemed to pay you any mind or recognize you in anyway. That calmed your nerves a bit, and you let out a breath you didn’t even knew you took.

The next little while was you and Ron having to listen to one of the cops interrogate Sam, who looked really exhausted, as he kept explaining the events that transpired the night before.

“Look, I can’t be any clearer than how crystal clear I am being. It just stood up.” Sam explained, his voice being as genuine as it can sound.

“It just stood up.” The deputy repeated. “Wow, thats really neat.” It’s obvious the deputy didn’t believe him, you could barely believe what you were hearing either.

“Okay, chiefie.” The deputy gives Sam a plastic cup and a tissue. “Time to fill her up. And no drippy-drippy.” Sam takes it, a mildly nervous expression on his face.

“What are you rolling? Whippets? Goofballs? A little wowie sauce with the boys?” The deputy asked condescendingly.

“No, I’m not on any drugs.”

“What’s these?” The deputy catches the bottle of pills one of the cops beside him threw in his direction. He rattles the bottle, “Found it in your pocket. ‘Mojo’, is that what the kids are doing now? Little bit of Mojo?”

“Those are my dogs pain pills…” Sam points out, looking to the side in embarrassment.

“You know, a chihuahua. A little…” Ron says, attempting to explain it with his hands.

You let out a tired sigh. “Alright, I’m out.” You tap your dads arm and glance at both him and Sam. “I’ll just wait for you guys in the car.” The door of the police station chimed once again as you pulled the door open, making your way back to the car and sitting in the back seat. You closed the door and rested your head on the seats headrest, looking out the window lazily.

You thought about what Sam said, about how he saw his car “stand up” and became some kind of robot. It’s crazy talk, there’s no actual way there’s a giant robot lurking around an unknown city in Nevada of all places. Also it’s a giant robot. To your knowledge, they don’t exactly exist.

You hear two car doors open and see your dad and your brother sitting in the driver and passenger seats. They were having a conversation as they entered the car, and you turned your attention away from the window to their direction.

“Dad, y’know how Great-Great-Gramps pretty much flew over the cuckoo’s nest? Think that kind of, difficulty, could’ve been passed down to me? Like—some kind of mutant Witwicky gene?” Sam asked, looking at his father with a somewhat desperate and anxious look.

Ron smiled as he checked for oncoming traffic, and pulled away from the curb. “I don’t see it, Sam. Besides, my father was perfectly fine. And so am I.” He reached his hand over and ruffled Sam’s hair playfully. “Except on the days when your mother asks me to do certain kinds of work around the house.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle, and leaned forward in your seat, looking at Sam as he attempts to fix his hair. “What- do you think you have some hereditary mental illness that was conveniently passed down to you? Because of whatever you saw last night?”

Sam turned his head towards you, a less than amused expression on his face. “Well, we did learn in biology that certain abnormal genes can skip a generation or two. Maybe that’s happened in my case.”

“As long as it doesn’t affect your grades or your SAT score,” Ron added. “Or doing your chores. Too many kids these days seem to have inherited the chore skipping gene.”

Ron turned the car towards a coffee shop, parking in an empty spot beside it. “How about we all get something to eat? I’m willing to bet your abnormal gene doesn’t prohibit the consumption of chocolate shakes.”

Sam nodded excitedly, and you agreed along with him. You haven’t eaten breakfast yet and you really could go for a cup of coffee right about now.

“Okay.” Sam smiled tiredly. “Better make mine a double though.”

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.

A few hours had passed since you and your dad picked Sam up from the police station and you decided to watch a few movies you downloaded onto your computer. You were thankful none of them gave you a virus, considering how sketchy a few of the sites were. You decided to watch a true masterpiece, Jurassic park 3. Sam has made fun of you before for liking this movie, but it’s really a guilty pleasure.

As the first act of the movie started, you heard your brother yell from downstairs. You quickly paused the movie and walked to your door, urgently walking out and down the hallway towards the stairs. “Hey, Sam, are you alright? I heard you yelling.”

Sam ran up to you from the kitchen and grabbed your arms, shaking you slightly, “My freaking car is going to kill me! I-I’m getting out of here-“ He ran past you and towards the garage quickly.

“Wha- Sam what the hell are you talking about? And where are you going?” You followed behind him, seeing him grab your mom’s bike.

He got onto the bike and turned his head towards you. “Listen, tell mom and dad I love them very, very much. I have to go-“

“Wait Sam-!” Before you had a chance to finish, he pedaled out of the garage and down the sidewalk. You were going to attempt to run after him before seeing his yellow camero quickly drive after him.

“What the fuck.” You whispered under your breath, a dumbfounded expression on your face. There’s no way Sam was actually being serious. It was a stupid decision, really, but you decided to follow him.

You rushed towards your car and got into it, starting it quickly. The thing that baffles you the most about this situation is the fact that the car had no driver in it. You could’ve been seeing things, but the windows weren’t even tinted, so you couldn’t have been.

Despite not believing him at all at first, you now have a feeling that Sam was telling the truth about what he saw last night. You knew he was in danger so you wanted to go after him, you are his older sister after all. You pulled out of the driveway and made your way down the street Sam and his yellow camero went, feeling that familiar pit in your stomach start to form again. What am I even doing?

A few hours had passed with literally no luck of finding your brother. You had driven over to his best friends miles’ house and he told you how he was talking crazy and was gonna come over, but never actually did. You then looked around some more local spots where he usually goes and of course, nothing. You had also called him like 100 times but ended up with no answer. The thought of going into the city crossed your mind but it was way too big, Sam could be anywhere! An irritated sigh escaped your lips as you pressed your head against the top of the steering wheel tiredly, this really was a stupid idea.

I need to get home, it’s almost curfew, mom and dad are probably worried about me. You thought, grabbing your phone out of your pocket. I’ll tell them about Sam when I get there.

You called your mom and surprisingly, the phone rang and then went to voicemail. You looked at your phone with a puzzled expression, she almost always immediately picks up the phone. You tried to call a few more times and again, no answer.

A small frown spread across your face and you decided to head home, hopefully your mom just forgot her phone somewhere or something. You pulled out of the spot you were in and made your way back home.

Thankfully you weren’t too far away and you managed to get to the house in under 10 minutes or so. You pulled into the driveway and exited your car. To your surprise, you saw the lawn and the fountain utterly destroyed. You quickly headed inside and shouted for your parents, no answer. You looked around the house and everything looked ransacked like multiple people came through here looking for something. You felt your heartbeat start to pick up and your breathing began to get shaky.

You exited out the front door and paced on the lawn, attempting to think of what could’ve possibly happened to Sam or your parents and what you could even do about it. Tears stung the corners of your eyes and you placed your hand over your mouth, attempting not to break down. Why is this even happening to me?

The sound of machine-like whirring and large footsteps could be heard behind you and you slowly turned around, eyes widening at what you saw. Large, and what looks like robots, slowly came out from behind the house, staring at you with caution. One of them stepped closer and it’s pointed large canons at you in an offensive manner, smoke blowing out of his nose almost like a bull.

“Stand down, Ironhide. She’s obviously frightened.” The largest one said, blocking him from stepping any further. He gave Ironhide a scolding look, like what a parent would to a child, and the bot put his canons away slowly.

He turned around once again towards you, slowly bending down to get on your level. His blue eyes almost blinded you as they scanned across you with a mild curiosity. “Are you Y/N Witwicky? Sibling to Samuel James Witwicky?” The robot’s voice asked, his voice surprisingly deep and smooth to your ears.

You swallowed, you had almost completely forgotten about your family and could only think about the fact that this large mechanical creature knew your name.

“Yes that’s… that’s me.”

“My name is Optimus Prime, I’m afraid I cannot tell you much right now. The people that took your family also took something very important to us, and we can’t waste another second as they get away with it.” Optimus stood up once again, his staggering height almost making you a bit lightheaded.

“I’d like to come with you, I don’t want anything bad to happen to my family. Please.” You pleaded. You had zero clue what these things were or what they were after but you wanted to do everything in your power to help your family, even if it means getting involved with potentially dangerous people.

Optimus hesitated, he didn’t want a seemingly innocent human woman to get wrapped up in this mess. But he admired your dedication and care to your family, it almost reminded him of himself. The bot finally nodded, “Very well.”

Him and the other robots transformed from the looks of it, the metal parts of their body slowly forming into different vehicles. Optimus flipped open the passengers side door and waved it slightly to encourage you to get in.

You quickly made your way over to him, carefully climbing into the large semi-truck and closing the door behind you. You gasped as the seatbelt quickly whipped over your body. The radio of the truck turned on and Optimus’ voice crackled, “Autobots, Roll out!” As all of the vehicles drove down the street.

[inkandtension]

OF INK AND CHARCOAL.

Artist! Hyunjin x Writer! Reader

Theme: sad, drifting away from each other, hope towards end

You sat by the window, your laptop open, fingers tapping idly against the keyboard. Outside, the sky was bleeding into sunset—the colors fierce and bold, blending like they couldn't decide whether to end the day or prolong the inevitable.

It made you think of the words in Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar:

"I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery—air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, 'This is what it is to be happy.' But happiness, too, can feel like suffocation."

You often found yourself writing through that lens. Capturing moments that stood still, forever on the brink of something profound. But today, your mind was blank, heart weighed down by an inexplicable heaviness. It was like you had too many words, too many emotions, and no way to release them.

“I don’t want a box of fancy chocolates, I want you, sitting next to me”

The words were those that you said, yesterday was your 4th year anniversary, and he wasn’t home.

Or rather a house, because it refused to be your home, not anymore.

He thought you were overthinking, He said many anniversaries like this would come, that you both could spend them in amazing ways when things weren’t so busy. But that’s when it hit you—he actually believed you’d be together for a long time. That there were countless tomorrows waiting for the two of you.

He didn’t understand.

It wasn’t about the day. It was about him. About how he was drifting further away from you with every passing second, and he didn’t even realize it. People change; so did he.

He used to be your best friend, your confidant, the one who understood every silence, every glance. He could finish your thoughts before you even had to speak them. Now, the silence between you is heavy, tense, and unbearable. You’ve started to feel like strangers who share the same space but live in entirely different worlds. You’re still here, still trying, but him? He’s somewhere else.

You feel like strangers, when you meet a stranger, you smile, not out of undying love, out of compulsion.

He thinks it’s about the missed anniversary. But it’s not. It’s about all the moments that have passed with him not truly seeing you. You’re right there in front of him, but it’s like he’s looking past you, through you, at something else—something you can’t reach.

The problem is, he doesn’t notice. He doesn’t see how his distance is tearing you apart. How your conversations have become shallow, how the meaningful exchanges you used to have are now just brief, distracted words before he retreats into his world. You wonder if he even remembers what it used to be like, back when the two of you would sit in silence, and it would still feel full, still feel like everything was right in the world.

Now, the silence feels empty, a void between you that grows wider each day.

He spends more time with his art, disappearing into it. And maybe, that’s where he’s been hiding all along. You think of how he once told you that art was about capturing a moment, freezing it in time so it could live forever. But you don’t want to live in frozen moments. You want him here, now, fully present. You want him to realize that the distance between you isn’t something that can be brushed aside with promises of a future. It’s something that needs to be addressed now.

He’s always that you tend to dwell too much on feelings, on little things that don’t matter. But this isn’t little. This is everything.

You miss the way he used to look at you, the way his presence alone could make you feel whole. Now, even when he’s there, it’s like he’s somewhere else. You see it in the way his eyes glaze over when you talk, how his focus always seems to drift. You’ve started to wonder if he even cares anymore, if he even realizes that his absence—though physical—has become emotional too.

The truth is, you don’t care about fancy chocolates or grand gestures. You never did. You just want him. You want the man who used to make you feel like the only person in the room, the man who used to understand you without needing to ask. You don’t need extravagant gifts. You need his time, his attention, his love—the way it used to be.

But he doesn’t see that. He thinks there’s always time. That you can make it up later. But what he doesn’t realize is that every day he pulls away, a little more of you pulls back too. The cracks in your relationship are growing, and the longer they’re ignored, the harder they’ll be to repair. He thinks you’re just upset because of the anniversary. But this has been building for months, maybe even longer. And now, it feels like you’re both on the verge of breaking.

You wish you could find the right words to make him understand, to make him see what’s happening between you. But every time you try, you stop yourself. Because deep down, you know that he’s not ready to hear it. Or worse, he doesn’t want to.

People change. You’ve changed too, but you’ve grown in ways that are trying to hold onto him, while he’s slipping away into someone you barely recognize. And the hardest part is knowing that he thinks everything is fine. That you have time. That you’ll figure it out later.

But you don’t want to live in the future. You want the present. You want him next to you, really next to you, not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, in every way that matters.

Because you’re tired of waiting. You’re tired of hoping that things will get better on their own, that the distance between you will magically close. You know now that it won’t—not unless something changes. Not unless he changes.

Hyunjin must have noticed the stillness, as he quietly approached.

He stood behind you, his fingers brushing against your shoulder, warm and grounding. you tilted your head back to meet his gaze, but his eyes were somewhere else—far off in a world you couldn't reach.

"Writer's block?" he asked softly, his voice like the brush of a fine-tipped pen over canvas.

You shrugged, looking out at the twilight, thinking of how words could so easily fail when you needed them most.

It wasn't that, and the fact that he failed to recognise that was proof, that he indeed is drifting.

"Something like that."

He knelt beside you, his head resting against your knee.

Hyunjin had never needed words in the way you did. His language came in strokes, colors, textures—the way paint blended into something more than itself, how the space between two figures could tell a thousand stories without saying a word.

He pulled out a sketchbook, his charcoal pencil already dancing over the page. He didn’t need to speak; his art was the dialogue. The curves and edges of the lines formed into abstract shapes, slowly coming into focus.

You watched as he sketched two figures—"us" he said. But something was different.

"You’ve drawn us before," you said, your voice softer now. "Why does this feel different?"

Hyunjin paused, looking at the sketch. "It’s not about us. It’s about the distance between us."

you stared at the unfinished drawing, your breath catching in your throat. "Distance?"

His hand traced the space between the two figures he’d drawn. "We’re close, but not touching. Like we’re in different worlds... I don’t know how to explain it with words, but sometimes, I feel like we’re speaking different languages."

So he did feel it.

It made you think of Picasso, how his blue period captured his own internal isolation—despair hidden in soft hues, sadness under every stroke.

Hyunjin smiled, though his eyes remained serious. "I think silence is a language all on its own. Just like your pauses when you write, they say just as much as the words."

The silence stretched between you both then, a moment so textured with meaning that words would have felt intrusive. You turned away from the window and faced him, the intensity of his gaze making you feel as though you were a character in one of his pieces—forever captured on canvas, never truly understood.

"Do you ever feel like we’re stuck in our own worlds?" you asked, voice barely above a whisper. "You, with your art. Me, with my writing. Sometimes I wonder if we’re talking past each other."

He frowned, his fingers pausing over the sketchbook. "Sometimes, yes. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I think we’re just... translating differently."

You suddenly remembered a quote from

Murakami's Norwegian Wood:

"What happens when people open their hearts?" I asked. "They get better," she said.

You wanted to believe that. That even in the silence between you both, even in the spaces, that you were opening your hearts in the only ways you knew how.

"I write because I want to make sense of things," You said quietly. "But you—" You hesitated, unsure if you were getting it right. "You create to express what can’t be made sense of, don’t you?"

He smiled, his eyes softening. "Exactly."

For Hyunjin, art was never about answers. It was about capturing moments that words could never fully express. He often spoke of how Van Gogh’s Starry Night wasn’t about the sky or the stars—it was about feeling the vastness of everything and knowing you were a part of it, yet so far away from touching it all.

He slid the sketchbook toward you, and you stared at the drawing again. The figures—"us"—still remained apart. But this time, you noticed something you hadn’t before. The way his hand had darkened the space between 'us', as if to suggest that the distance wasn’t empty, but full of unsaid things.

"This is how I feel when you’re lost in your stories," Hyunjin said. "Like you’re right next to me, but your mind is miles away. I don’t know if you’re with me or somewhere else."

you ran my fingers over the page, over the shadowed space. "Maybe that’s just how we’re meant to be. Maybe that space is what gives us room to grow."

He watched me for a moment, his lips parting as if to say something, but then he paused. Instead, he reached for his paintbrush, dipped it in blue, and ran it over the page. The blue spilled between the figures, a vibrant, living thing, connecting us in a way the lines alone couldn’t.

"It’s not about closing the distance," he murmured. "It’s about filling it with something meaningful."

You sat with that for a moment, letting it sink in. How you had both been trying to make sense of the space between yourselves in your own ways—you with your words, him with his art. But maybe Hyunjin was right. Maybe the space wasn’t something to fear or fill, but to cherish. A space where your worlds could coexist without fully merging.

"Virginia Woolf once wrote," You began, " ‘I am rooted, but I flow.’ I think that’s us. We’re both rooted in who we are—me as a writer, you as an artist—but we flow through each other’s worlds. We don’t need to be the same to be together."

He reached across the table then, his fingers brushing yours, and for the first time in what felt like forever, the silence between you both wasn’t heavy. It was light. Full.

Hyunjin smiled, his eyes softening as he closed the sketchbook. "We don’t need words or paintings for everything. Sometimes, just being here is enough."

[loupy-mongoose]

Remember when I said I wanted to draw this?

I did.

That same day.

Today is their anniversary.

There's not really anything special about this date in regards to them, or anything else in my life. But it accidentally ended up being the perfect date.

I decided their anniversary date back in February. I was thinking that it would be cute if they got married in Japan's cherry blossom season. I looked up when that is, and saw that it's typically Late March-Mid April.

My brain: "Okay, April. That sounds like a romantic wedding month. What day, though? Is there any significant April date in my life? No? How about the 3rd? Eeeehhhh, no, 4th! Hey, that makes it 4/4! How fun!"

And then it hit me.

4/4.

Pokewolf44 was my username when I started their story, Shadowed Soul.

There's nothing special about that number. I just thought four was fun to write, so it became my favorite number, and the number I chose for my online handle. But now it's come full circle, lol!

[moibakadesu]

Okay, here we go, my interpretations and rambles about the 4th anniversary art. I know everybody is doing that right now and a lot of my thoughts might be the same as a lot of other people's, but the brainworms are active.

Let's start that it is brilliant that they went with a funeral theme for the 4th anni and to top it off they released it on the 4th of April. As a lot of you might know, 4 stands for death in Japanese (and various other asian countries), as it is pronounced the same.

My initial prediction for the art was, that it would be the funeral of the prisoners themselves and that we would see them lying on the frame of flowers (chrysanthemum, white lilies and white roses, all traditional funeral flowers). But as it turns out, we have the prisoners attending the funeral of their victims, so to speak.

So of course we have everybody in classic funeral attire, and sadly that doesn’t make for a lot of variety for the guys, sans the shoes, some buttons and different seams and pockets, but they all look splendid in it (and it stops Fuuta from combining it with some ridiculous fashion choices), so I can vibe with it.

For the girls we have of course a bit more to look at in terms of different clothes, the ones who are still visiting school in their respective uniforms, although in dark tones to fit in the whole composition, and Mappi with a simple dress as well as Kotoko with a chic blazer and trousers combo.

The wardens take the role of the priest who would attend a traditional Japanese funeral, how very fitting. Everybody is very pretty. I do still prefer akka’s art, but kee did a very good job capturing everybody as well.

Now the really interesting part is of course how everybody is holding their bouquets. I think the general consensus is that they stands for the victims, or in a wider sense the emotional stance that each prisoner has in regards to their murder. Let’s go in order from left to right.

Mikoto: Very prim and proper. I am in the camp that thinks that Mikoto committed the murder, not John, but also that he genuinely doesn’t remember anymore (due to stress-induced amnesia etc.). So it makes a lot of sense that he holds it in the most neutral and normal way possible. He doesn’t know the victim, he doesn’t have any particular feelings regarding it that he can remember.

Kazui: Holding it very lightly, but not as careless as if you would have to fear it falling to the ground. Maybe symbolic for the lack of emotional commitment in his marriage, due to being homosexual? Somewhat fitting to the lyrics of Cat, “let’s keep it simple”, keep it casual, these feelings are not real and very fleeting.

Shidou: Oh, he is interesting. He is holding the flowers exactly like you would a young baby, proper head and body support with both his hands and arm, while being very gentle with it. Further evidence that his murder ended up being one of his sons. As I assume ending up braindead after an accident and Shidou having to give the okay to use him as an organ donor.

Fuuta: My angry little ginger. And his anger shines through, what are you gripping your flowers so tightly for, little man? He is holding it almost like a weapon, very much the hero of justice with his sword ready to strike. I find it interesting that he is the only prisoner not smiling. I thought maybe because he is the one who is the most terrified about what his actions have led to? He was deeply riddled by remorse from the beginning after all, as much as he didn't want to admit that.

Haruka: Oh Haruka, what are you doing? His is … interesting. My theory is still that the murder he is actually is in Milgram for is a suicide, and the way he is holding the flowers does a good job in supporting that thought. He is holding the bouquet upside down, with not much apparent care for its state, some petals falling on the floor, and more importantly, on himself. I think this might represent how he has little to none self-worth and care for himself. Another thing I did see a japanese fan on Twt talk about was the meaning of an upside down bouquet. Apparently there is a superstition about holding flowers upside down, so that they … absorb water faster. This is both a good way to show Haruka’s innocence about the world as he would possibly believe such a thing as well as … very grim, as I think he drowned himself.

Yuno: Similar to Shidou she is holding her flowers a lot like you would an infant, and … well, that speaks for itself I would say. There is no ill feeling or disrespect towards the unborn life, is what just not meant to be with her.

Muu: Holding her bouquet behind her back, just like she does not want the fact that it might in fact have been her fault behind her victim act. Could also go very well with how she most likely did hide the box cutter out of sight until she struck.

Mahiru: She is holding her flowers very gently, delicately, with a lot of love, of course, it’s Mappi after all. Maybe almost a bit too close to her, if she is not careful she could crush or squish them easily. As it is in line with how destructive her relationship ended up being.

Amane: Oh Amane, the disrespect, haha. Carelessly discarded behind her. Sinners are worthless and need to be punished, right? Nothing wrong with quite literally stepping over dead bodies. The little girl is quite savage, I have to give her that much.

Kotoko: She is a bit hard for me to read. Her grip on the bouquet is concealed, does she maybe not want to admit how tightly she is holding on to it as a parallel how she does not want to admit to her sadistic tendencies, because it is after all always for justice, nothing else. Hmmm.

[bettyshoweduptotheparty]

Happy 4th December - No, we are not there yet

Sorry in advance, this is a bit of rant, which is not something I usually post. But it's a wet Monday morning and I've had a really frustrating weekend, and today, on this anniversary of maybe the biggest piece of gaylor lore, the pictures and headlines I'm seeing just tipped me over the edge into a rant.

So, on this 4th December 2023 it is 9 years to the day that the world woke up to grainy pictures and videos of Taylor Swift, the world's most famous popstar and America's ultimate good girl, allegedly kissing a woman at a 1975 concert. And the tabloids and social media went crazy over it. And not in a good way. I remember the way I felt, so very nauseated about reading words like 'lesbian affair', 'shocking' and 'fling', not just on Taylor and Karlie's behalf, but the way it made me feel about myself, too. I was brutally reminded that 'lesbian' in 2014 was still seen as a dirty word and society's default was to see sapphic relationships as something scandalous and a fall from grace, rather than something beautiful. To this day I look at this photo and can't help but feel awed by the love and intimacy that their body language exudes, but the world didn't see it that way, they were just obsessing over whether they kissed or not and how to spin that into a dirty story.

That was almost a decade ago. So, have we made progress? Is it all fixed and every queer person (especially artists and celebrities) can live authentically and freely? Well, no, of course not, as was possibly proven again this weekend by Billie Eilish, who confirmed that she is gay (more or less unplanned) in an interview. Nobody should be surprised as she was never subtle about her queerness, yet it cost her over 100,000 social media followers in just 24 hours after explicitly coming out. Being gay, especially for women, is only acceptable when mainstream society don't have to see it. Don't talk about it and God forbid, don't kiss in public. Never mind that straight people do it all the time. The very same tabloid paper that printed kissgate pictures with the word 'shocking' next to them, put Taylor on the cover two years later and described her romance with Tom Hiddleston as 'exciting' and 'sexy'. And on the very morning I see the tweet about Billie, I find this message in my inbox:

Why indeed...? And I was of course expecting Taylor to show up at another football game, but to see her looking somber in a Carol-esque red fur coat, while her partner and all her friends are having a lovely time in LA... it just makes me angry today. Yes, maybe we've made progress in same ways, but we are still so far from where we need to be for everyone to be able to come out without repercussion. In a better world, Taylor would have been in a gorgeous dress next to her wife, rather than sitting next to the girl who would have bullied us in High School.

(And btw, not only was Rebel Wilson blackmailed into coming out by the Sydney Morning Herold, she has lost thousands of followers and has pretty much focused on film making rather than acting since coming out. Maybe this was always her plan, but also, maybe not. Interesting, that film making is also seemingly becoming Taylor's second career leg...)

So, anon who sent me the question above, take this as my answer. Why is the most famous popstar in the world not out in 2023? Most likely because it would cost her so much of what she's worked hard for over the last 17 years. Not withstanding that the answer may also be 🛴 and what he did in 2019 that prevented her from coming out then, the world is just not a very good place for a celebrity to be anything other than straight, white and cisgender. And after 10 years of activism in LGBTQ+ organisations, today I feel a bit deflated by that. But with every single person who feels brave enough to shout their truth from the rooftops, we break down the walls a little more each time. 🌈

[shuttershocky]

What I like about Reed Alter is that it's a unit turning into a medic for once.

Sure she can do a LOT of flashy DPS unit things in the right stage where you can set off a phone-destroying chain reaction blast, but I really like how the reason she's a medic now is because she's figured out how to control her Very Destructive, Highly Explosive arts into a healing tool. It's a little scary because it looks like she's about to roast you alive, but it actually works and she's determined to heal things! Even if she has to make an explosion go off in your face to heal you.

It gives me a little more faith in the idea of using Alters (a concept I inherently don't like) as a way to portray character growth, rather than as a simple method to make unpopular support characters into flashy DPS units.

I remember when rumors that the 4th Anniversary would be Rhine Lab were circulating, I said if HG really wanted to make an Alter, it should be Silence becoming an Abjurer because she's not just learned to heal, but to protect what she loves even before harm comes to them, and some comments I saw were like "This is actually cool but that's exactly why we're getting DPS Saria Alter instead"

But we actually did get Silence. As an Abjurer even. And Free too! We know that they know they can make Alters more narratively interesting than just a cheap "oh they have a broken version now" gimmick like with Ch'en Alter.

[dark-frosted-heart]

Choose Your True Love - Keith Howell (part 1/4)

This is the from the 4th anniversary event

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. 

The twittering of birds stirred me from my slumber.

(Mmm…I ended up falling asleep)

(Huh, but I was waiting for Keith in his room, so how did I wind up in his secret room…)

When I sat up and rubbed my sleepy eyes, I felt something hit my hand.

It was Prince Keith’s diary, with its neat script unfinished.

(It’s an old diary. Was I reading this before I fell asleep…)

I stared up as I tried to remember—the sight that greeted me had me jump to my feet.

(No way…Half of Prince Keith’s diaries are missing…What in the…)

The shelves looked so empty, but I couldn’t find the missing diaries anywhere.

While I tried to wrap my head around what happened, I heard the door open.

Alter!Keith: …

Emma: Prince Keith! The diaries—

Alter!Keith: …

(Huh…?)

I suddenly felt a painful tug on my arm and found myself pinned against a bookshelf.

He held my wrists above my head and glared down at me with cold eyes. 

It’s the first time anyone's been this hostile toward me.

Alter!Keith: Who’re you? Why’re you here?

Emma: Huh, who…I’m Emma.

Alter!Keith: Emma? Sorry, but I don’t remember anyone with that name.

(It doesn’t sound like he’s joking. Does he really not know me…?)

(...Calm down. Panicking won’t change things)

I was trembling in confusion and fear, but I took some breaths to calm myself down.

~~ Flashback ~~

(It’s an old diary. Was I reading this before I fell asleep…)

(No way…Half of Prince Keith’s diaries are missing…What in the…)

~~ Flashback end ~~

(If the diaries never existed in the first place rather than just suddenly disappearing front he bookshelves…then Prince Keith’s reaction is “justifiable”)

(Am I…in the past?)

Emma: …

A large hand touched my neck and a chill went down my spine at the feeling of my life being in his hands.

Alter!Keith: You thinking about something? You’re underestimating me just ‘cause you’re dealing with a failure. Some damn noble told me I shouldn’t be nice to trespassers just ‘cause they’re female.

The grip around my neck tightened slightly.

(I don’t know if he’ll believe me. But at this rate, he won’t be just threatening me)

The wicked Prince Keith in front of me was way more like a beast than the one I knew.

Emma: …I have no idea why I’m here.

But one thing I know is that I’m not from this time, rather, I’m from the future.

Alter!Keith: Haha, your skills at deception suck so bad that it almost sounds true. You got proof?

Emma: …I know who “you” are. You’re a Prince Keith with an alternate personality…I know why you were born.

Alter!Keith: …

Emma: Please, believe me.

His golden eyes wavered, as if doubting reality.

As he opened his mouth to speak, a knock sounded on the door in the other room.

Liam: ……Excuse me?

It was Liam, Prince Keith’s butler.

He stared at me in surprise and raised a brow.

Liam: Prince Keith…What is the meaning of this?

This pressure he’s exuding…He must think that wicked Prince Keith snuck a woman in.

Prince Keith gave an irritatingly wicked smile.

Alter!Keith: Found her in the study. Our guest says she’s from the future.

Liam: ……Huh?

(He furrowed his brows…That’s a valid reaction)

(But even I’m surprised)

Emma: You believe me, Prince Keith?

Alter!Keith: It’s not that. But “my” existence is also improbable. So someone coming from the future isn’t impossible either. You said your name’s Emma? Tell me the reason why I was born.

Emma: Well…

(Though it’s something that happened to the nice Prince Keith, it’s still a painful past for the wicked Prince Keith)

I stuttered as I recalled the pained look on Prince Keith’s face when he told me.

Alter!Keith: …You actually know. Liam, you believe it a little more now, don’t you?

Emma: Did you just ask him to verify?

Alter!Keith: I said I didn’t believe you. 

Liam: The reason is as absurd as ever. …However, I don’t believe you’re lying. Besides, you’re the first to not freak out about Prince Keith acting differently from usual. But even I…didn’t believe you in the beginning.

(Liam and Prince Keith have known each other since they were children)

(Maybe it took him a moment to come to terms with reality because he was too confused)

Those furrowed brows and look of regret broke my heart.

Alter!Keith: We can throw her into a cell and torture her if she acts suspicious. You don’t look like you’re good at running away.

Emma: I won’t. Rather, I won’t leave your side no matter what. Because I personally don’t want to.

Alter!Keith: Oh? You care a lot about this failure. A guy without any merit.

Emma: What, yes he does. He has a lot.

Alter!Keith: Fine, he has a lot. Pardon me.

(...He just brushed me off)

(At least I can stick around as long as I don’t act suspicious…That’s a relief)

Suddenly, what happened in the study came to mind.

(Now that I think about it, I wonder what Prince Keith was going to say)

Alter!Keith: …So, did you bring it Liam?

Liam: Yes. Please be careful with it.

Alter!Keith: It’d be better to spread them out. That way, they can wreck each other and resolve this immediately.

He snickered, took the documents, and looked over them.

He was smiling, but his eyes were surprisingly cold.

Alter!Keith: Reliable as ever. Good boy. For now, I’ll go pay the guys here a visit. Prepare a carriage.

Liam: On it.

After bowing, Liam left the room.

My eyes drifted to the documents and some of the names on it caught my attention.

(If I recall correctly, they’re all nobles that support the king’s brother)

I remember coming across them while I was reading books to prepare myself for my official duties.

Emma: Um, what exactly are these documents?

Alter!Keith: …Wanna come along?

[the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf]

Birthday Kissies - James Wilson x peds!reader

description - a spanner is thrown into the works of the special birthday James has been planning for y/n for months. A spanner which happens to be a fever of 109.

word count - 1.9k

requested - yes

authors note - I'm literally living my dreams through these fanfictions! I know its not ambiguous but a lot of the little specifics I mention are stuff I'd love for someone to do on my birthday that I used so I could come up with a good visual. Please do let me know if I can make my writings more accessible to people in anyway!

Masterlist

Wilson giddily skipped through the hospital. He’d been on the edge of his seat all day. Tomorrow was the most important day in his calendar. January 4th, his loves birthday.

The hospital was still adorned in Christmas decorations, but this didn’t faze him. In his mind, December 25th was inferior in comparison to the magnificence of her birthday. He remembered the first birthday they’d shared together which happened to be his.

She’d woken him up with homemade pancakes, but they weren’t as delicious as the many kisses shed pecked onto his face. He didn’t hear anything she’d said as he looked on at the beauty who was practically straddling him wearing a plastic tiara and placing a birthday crown on his own head. But that may have also been caused by the party horn she’d woken him up with. Despite her being a doctor, she hadn’t thought through the ramifications of a party horn placed directly against someone’s ear. She’d happily thrown at him all his presents which had been carefully wrapped and decorated with ribbons and bows. All the gifts had a specific theme of blue and white with ‘doctor’ inspired wrapping paper. It was clearly meant for a child but her giddy face when she proudly showed them off won him over. His favourite gift had been an original film poster of ‘Dead Poets Society’.

“I remember you saying how much that film meant to you. I also already bought a frame for it so we can hang it up in your office tomorrow. If you want to.” She exclaimed whilst bouncing on the bed.

“Birthdays are important.” She’d said as they lay intertwined with their matching crowns, scoffing down the pancakes. “On that day, I can show the most important people in my life how much I love them.” She grabbed his cheeks and squished them together.

“Did your birthdays look half as good as this when you were a kid.” She faltered.

“Not really. No one should ever feel like that on their special day, so I try to make sure no one ever does.”

He’d collected the last card from her patients. The first thing he’d thought of as a gift for her was to ask all the children under her care to make something for her special day. There were a lot of cards, all decorated with glitter and ribbons. He’d specifically told Sadie she could make y/n a birthday crown. Sadie had been here for three years on and off and had a special relationship with y/n. It was only fitting she should get the honour of making the crown. It seemed to Wilson that as soon as you mentioned the name y/n y/l/n, children, parents, and doctors would come flooding, offering their help in any capacity. Every patients room he had gone into he was given two things: a handmade card from the kids and a beautifully wrapped present from the parents. Wilson smiled at this; no other doctor was as loved as she was, not even himself.

He was making his way back to his office, his elaborate plan was coming together. He sat down at his desk and went over the checklist he’d made for her surprise. 5 bouquets of pink roses, 3 bouquets of yellow tulips, chocolates, and macaroons from a patisserie in Paris they had visited on their anniversary, and about 100 pink and white balloons he was going to fill their apartment with. He’d already gone out shopping early this morning to get the ingredients to make her favourite meal and dessert. The icing on the cake, as it were, was the three layered chocolate cake decorated in white chocolate frosting, adorned with chocolate dipped strawberries. He’d had it ordered especially months ago and it was arriving tomorrow morning. After making sure everything was ordered and in place he relaxed into his chair. Closing his laptop, he picked up the shopping bag at his feet. He pulled out the stuffed pink bear he’d made for her, adorned in its little doctors outfit. Looking at it now, he felt silly. Surely, she’d be wanting jewellery or something like that. He’d thought it was cute at the time but now he felt embarrassed at his choice of gift.

The door to his office was ripped open. This caused Wilson to scramble to hide the bear back in the bag. House limped in.

“Please tell me you have actually bought y/n/n a present. You are not going to ruin her special day.”

“No, I have not.”

“I will give you the money, will you please jus—”

“I think you have more important things to worry about. Room 203.”

-x-x-x-x-x-

The two stood on the precipice of the room and watched the sniffling, whimpering, and writhing frame of y/n. She sloshed about on the bed, kicking away her blankets like a petulant child.

“Ah the true test of true love, a bad case of the flu. Enjoy lover boy.” House patted Wilson on the back and made to leave.

“Wait, what are you doing?”

“Getting as far away as possible. She can insult me enough when she’s in perfect health, I don’t want to see how severe it gets with a temperature of 109.” House quickly sprinted down the corridor as fast as his cane could take him. Wilson rolled his eyes at his friends fear of his utter sweetheart. This wasn’t his first rodeo with a sick y/n. All she wanted was love and attention. He was always happy to help.

The patient noticed the tall frame of her boyfriend in the door. She turned over towards him, bunching up her blankets into her body.

“Jamsey. I’m sick.”

“I know, darling.” He made his way over, giggling at the innocent tone of her voice. She squished herself further into the bed to make room for him to join her. “But we’re gonna get you better okay.” He placed his arm around her, and she cuddled into his side.

“But what about my patients.”

“Hey, none of that now. My main priority is you.” He smiled softly at how her eyes couldn’t even stay open till the end of the sentence. Her body was fighting so hard to stay awake, but it needed to stop. Even without the flu she’d been overworking herself recently. Her body needed the rest.

“I’m just sad you’re going to be feeling like this on your birthday.” Her eyes still hadn’t opened but her body had involuntarily snuggled into his side more, making their embrace tighter.

“As long as you’re with me, it’ll be perfect.” She slurred as sleep overtook her. “You are going to stay right?” her last thought before she was dragged further into her snooze.

He planted a gentle kiss on the crown of her head. “I’m not going anywhere.”

-x-x-x-x-x-

*the next morning*

Wilson knocked on room 203. Y/n was now sat up and tucking into the tea and toast she’d been given for breakfast. Despite how much her eyes lit up when they landed on James, her face still looked sunken.

“Good morning baby, how are you feeling?”

“A bit better.” She’d softly uttered as he made his way over to her. She attempted to straighten out her messy hair and wipe away the sleep from her eyes. She fixed her gown, not wanting him to see her as any less than perfect. But the joke was on her as he already saw her as the most beautiful girl in the world.

“I felt so guilty in our bed, leaving you here alone.” He had begged her to let him stay the night with her, even setting up a faux bed in the form of four hospital chairs and a pillow. But she had ordered him to go home and sleep in a proper bed, threatening him with no sex for a month. It was bad enough he would have had a bad back from the chairs, but he had already worked a 10 hour shift that day, she knew he deserved a good night’s sleep.

“Well, you’re here now, and I’m so happy.” She softly kissed his cheek with her arms wrapped around his neck. He turned in her arms, aiming for her lips but she stopped him with her hand.

“Nooooo, I’m sick.” He shrugged away her hand and leant in.

“We’ll be sick together then.” Their lips locked. They each tried to suck out the others soul and their tongues clashed for dominance with y/n eventually relenting. The 12 hours between when James had left last night and now had been excruciating for the pair.

They eventually came apart for air. “I nearly forgot.”

He left her room and returned with a trolley filled with delicately wrapped pink gifts, each one adorned with a massive white ribbon. The trolley was also covered with pink and white balloons tied to each handle. She squealed at this display, practically jumping up and down on the bed, having to be calmed down by James who soothed her cheers with a kiss to the cheek.

“Happy birthday, baby.”

“This is amazing, James. Thank you!” she grabbed the sides of his face to bring him down into a passionate kiss, whilst continuing to utter how much she loves him.

He sat with her on her bed as she thumbed through all the cards from her patients. Each one received a sunny smile and some even elicited a few tears. She proudly wore the crown from Sadie which she compared to something off of a fashion show. All 29 of the gifts were eagerly ripped open. In between each one, she scolded him for buying her too much, but this juxtaposed how furiously she tore into each new gift. He had to remind her that a lot were from colleagues and parents, which warmed her heart.

They reached the end, and she was surrounded by wrapping paper and ribbon.

“There is one more.” He pulled out the bear, hidden at the bottom of the trolley. He began fidgeting with it in his lap, suddenly feeling small in the face of all the previous gifts. “It’s silly but I thought it was cute and I thought you might like it and--”

“YOU GOT ME A TEDDY BEAR!” she threw her arms around him at breakneck pace. When she pulled back, she carefully took the bear from his arms and squeezed it into her chest. She turned it around and giggled at the doctors outfit it was dressed in. “I love it so much! It’s just like the one on your shelf!”

He shuffled so he was sat behind her and took her into his arms. They both gazed down lovingly at the bear. “She’s gonna be our baby. I’ll be her mummy and you can be her daddy and she’s gonna come to work with mummy every day.” She clasped the bear against her chest once again. Wilson sighed at the mess around her hospital room. He began to collect a few fallen pieces of wrapping paper preparing to throw them away. His eyes glanced towards the closed door and saw a pink envelope partially stuck under the door. He picked it up and saw ‘Mrs Wilson’ scribbled across the front. He smiled knowing the one person who called y/n that.

“One more. From House.” He handed her over the envelope. She opened it up and audibly gasped.

“What is it?”

“HE GOT US A SKIING TRIP!” James’ ears were covered in seconds to prevent his ears from being permanently damaged, once again. As she went on and on about the trip which had all been paid for by House, he joined her on the bed and gradually encouraged her to lie down with him, knowing how much her body needed the rest. He gathered her up in his arms and let her tire herself out so she could then slump into his arms and drift off to sleep.

[sirenjose]

Theory regarding Kevin's 4th Letter

TLDR:

Orpheus sent Kevin to drug contaminated racecourse

Kevin drugged in basement (like Alice) before able to leave

Both Kevin and Jose have strange headaches that go away soon before they're to leave

Kevin & Jose in Emma's 2nd game?

Alice went to the racecourse. Orpheus has her dig up the box/gem herself (while they not around). Soon after, she hallucinates Mary as Frederick, and shortly thereafter is knocked out (after something flies into her face).

Kevin exits his game after drinking a drug. Orpheus later tasks him with “repairing the racecourse”. Once he’s finished, Orpheus holds a banquet for him, during which Kevin talks about his past. Orpheus presses him regarding whether Kevin remembers Angelina is alive or not. Following this, Kevin discusses having had frequent headaches, but they’ve gone away. He suspects the wine. Despite his headaches having gone away, he says “everything I said grew increasingly blurry in my mind”. In any case, he states he’s leaving “once I wake up in the morning”.

The backstory for Kreiburg Racecourse explains that, on the opening day of Lily’s father’s “expensive new horse racing series”, Cyanus, the “White Steed of Death”, “went berserk and caused a trampling incident” (and potentially scaring other horses as a result). In Ashes of Memory part 1 it describes it as a “fatal stampede”. Before this, it was said Mary Kreiburg would pin a cornflower on Cyanus and the rider as a “victory blessing”.

Both Alice and Kevin go to the racecourse. If there were drugs somewhere at the racecourse, such as in the ground or in the cornflowers (or on/in the box potentially), to make Alice hallucinate, potentially set up purposefully by Orpheus, it’s possible Orpheus did the same thing to Kevin. No, Kevin doesn’t hallucinate, but we do see he’s having issues remembering. Maybe Orpheus just switched out the drugs he was using from Siren Song for Alice to Hydra or Mnemosyne for Kevin.

(I wonder then if Orpheus purposefully sent Kevin to the racecourse, knowing what would happen and/or to affect Kevin even more with the drugs over a longer period of time. I wonder if he sent anyone else that escaped their game to do this before they could leave to do the same to them.)

While comparing Alice and Kevin, Kevin says he plans to leave in the morning, but there’s no proof that this is exactly what happened.

Alice was knocked out twice (likely both times by Orpheus), and after the 2nd time she was sent to the secret basement and given Hydra. It’s possible something similar happened to Kevin. Potentially either he was knocked out before he could leave or was taken while he was out (potentially drugged to ensure he stayed asleep, likely with the Orpheus coma drug) and sent to the basement at the point. Once there, Orpheus could either give him Mnemosyne to forget what’s happened during the game and/or Hydra to reconstruct his memory to make him think Angelina is alive.

We already know Orpheus is quite interested in messing with Kevin’s memories to make him think she’s alive, to the point Kevin says Orpheus “ignored my unhappy silence and pried, trying to force an answer out of me. Shattered glasses, overturned silverware, shaking figures... It wasn't until I expressed my desire to leave that he realized how rude he'd been. After repeated apologies, he returned to his polite self, then nodded with satisfaction and went on listening to the story”. Considering that sort of reaction, it would be easy to believe Orpheus isn’t ready to let go of Kevin yet, and thus would be interested in reusing him in his experiments.

Now I want to go back to Kevin mentioning his headaches. Right after this he says “everything I said grew increasingly blurry in my mind”. Oracle from the 2nd anniversary did have some side effects beyond the main one (namely dizziness, and the manor owner said he wanted to work on eliminating those side effects). And even though it’s not part of the main story, the Eternal Beauty and Delphi drugs from Truth & Inference that are described in the Zinaida anniversary event seem to clearly be meant to parallel or at least relate to Orpheus’ drugs from the main story, and these 2 drugs were described to have side effects (this time hallucinations and drowsiness). So I think it’s likely Orpheus drugs also had side effects, some of which could include “headaches”, while another drug could cure the headaches but at the same time cause his memories to blur.

Actually, the Oracle drug would fit here. If the food at the banquet Orpheus provided had Oracle, while Kevin ate it, there’d be no effects, but once he stopped taking Oracle, he would forget everything that happened while he had been taking Oracle. Only issue is Netease seems to have replaced Oracle with the 4 drugs we know of from the Time of Reunion drug list (Orpheus, Mnemosyne, Siren Song, and Hydra). But who knows. Maybe one of them does something similar (or they could work in Oracle somehow). Anyways.

Speaking of Kevin’s headaches, I happened to notice that Jose actually describes something similar happening to him. In Jose’s 4th letter, he talks about waking up with “another splitting headache”, which implies he’s had more than one headache. His headache though seems to have been “alleviated” once he found the umbrella.

In the letter it states “’You can take everything you find there.’ At least this time, the voice in my head isn't just full of lies”. It’s possible Orpheus was the one to tell Jose this. Jose then says he plans to leave soon.

It’s curious both Jose and Kevin complain of headaches, both after they leave the game, but then the headache goes away soon after they complete their tasks (Kevin fixing the racecourse, Jose finding the umbrella) and soon before they are to leave. Not to mention Orpheus seems to have likely been involved with both.

Kevin we know Orpheus is interested in to make him think Angelina is alive.

Jose we know is someone Orpheus “treasured the opportunity to use”, to the point he considered suspending the experiment when Jose’s mental state seemed to deteriorate too much, and calls Jose a “’gift’ from a friend who passed away”.

Orpheus was the one to throw Kevin the banquet before Kevin leaves, and Jose Orpheus may have told Jose to go to the room he found the umbrella in and that he could take whatever he found.

Either potentially could’ve been drugged before they could actually leave, so Orpheus could ensure he could reuse them in his experiments.

Kevin potentially could’ve been exposed to drugs while at the racecourse, as well as potentially in the food Orpheus gave him during the banquet. Jose could’ve also been subjected to drugs, potentially in the breakfast he ate before leaving, or potentially somewhere in the room he found the umbrella in (what if the umbrella itself had been sabotaged or contaminated with drugs?)

Considering the umbrella is still at the manor when Alice is there, we know something happened to Jose. And if something happened to him when he thought he was able and ready to leave, something similar could’ve happened to Kevin.

If anything, there is Emma’s 2nd game. After she escapes from Arms Factory, we know she was put with another group of people. These “new friends” had “warned me in secret to keep a record of everything, just in case my memories would start to deceive me. They said their memories were like children’s jigsaw puzzles, and there were gaps and parts that did not fit”. This comment tells us that the others Emma is with have had their memories tampered with. They have forgotten some things, meaning Mnemosyne is likely to blame, while other parts “did not fit”, implying Hydra is likely the cause.

We know both Kevin and Jose have memory issues. Kevin is the most obvious, though Jose we know has seemingly forgotten parts of his game, considering he doesn’t seem to remember what happened to the others in his game (Edgar and Vera at least). There’s also how he describes seeing the umbrella “for the very first time” in the greenhouse, even though we know the umbrella was at Lakeside during his game.

At least for this latter issue, it is possible that Jose went to the ship where the umbrella was at and didn’t actually see the umbrella while he was there. Wu Chang’s 3rd letter states Jose noticed an “abnormal watermark”, but never specifically says he saw the umbrella. We know Patricia describes Jose as a “psychic medium” so it’s possible Jose at that point forgot everything, but it’s hard to say.

In any case, the point is it’s possible Kevin and Jose could’ve been some of Emma’s “new friends” in her new game/group. That then just leaves what happened to them and Emma afterwards, by the end of that game.

(This is honestly less of a complete theory and more I just started writing this because I noticed some curious similarities I couldn’t let go of while rereading stuff, even though I didn’t quite know what everything may mean yet due to a lack of info at this time)

(Though it’s possible something else happened to Jose.

It’s possible he disappeared similar to those in game 6 considering Jose’s 4th letter being wet and the parallels/implications from the Christmas event and his skin)

(It’s also possible whatever happened to him during the game happened again considering the heavy rain/storm and how this affects the umbrella/magnetic fields, and we know from Wu Chang’s 3rd letter this did affect Jose, and it ties to his Bobolink skin)

(So for all we know Jose just disappeared, just without the umbrella. Or maybe he is with Kevin in Emma’s 2nd game. For now all I can do is suggest possibilities. Hopefully we get more answers soon)