been tryna ponder why ive been particularly moody the past several months.
i realize ive lost so much autonomy 😭 as a hyper independent person this is a very uncomfortable contradiction
im just always high strung bc im codependent and neither of us actually have the tools to appropriately function in the codependence
sometimes i swear im watching another person perform from inside my body, somehow choosing better for myself is still subconsciously choosing another person’s xyz over my own comfort, like idk who is making all these decisions but it dont feel like Me
i am really smart as shit. i am afraid of myself. everything ive been telling myself, ive been validated by an old white lady who is my new therapist. i wish my older black woman therapist told me this months ago. but everything happens for a reason. ive had clarity for so long. i know myself better than i gave myself credit for. im so wishy washy, because i dont trust myself. or im a people pleaser. definitely both. but damn, i even told myself one day at a time for now, and thats what im doing.
i had braids in and completely forgot how bright my hair is. my hairs been pink for 1.5 years now and i thought i was tired of it but i dont think i am 😊🫶🏾🫧