#disclaimer - i know a lot of my mutuals feel this way about tom and my disagreement with those takes is not meant as a personal attack

[iamanartichoke]

I completely agree with your post about Tom. People’s entitlement over their favourite celebrities goes to far. And tbh I really hate when fans act like they know for sure how he feels and what he’s thinking based on very ambiguous “evidence”. This is usually done so people can align Tom’s views with their own which requires most of the time someone else to be villanised. What I mean is that fans have no actual proof that the writers, producers and director of Loki are bad people and that Tom is unhappy with the directions the show took. There is usually nothing to be inferred about who these people are beyond their merits as professionals. But fans present their assumptions as facts anyway and that has evolved into actual harassment of the production team. All the while piggybacking on this idea that Tom thinks exactly what like them. And I am saying this as someone who hated TR and thinks Loki was deliberately made weaker/less important so Thor could shine more. And someone who hates pretty much all of Mike Waldron’s previous work on Rick and Morty. But is still feels very presumptuous to act like these people deliberate compromised the their own work because they hate Loki and his fans. And that they are filled with every prejudice know to man. And it’s also very demeaning to victimise Tom in the process. Of course some of the people involved suck but most of the time these assumptions have no basis whatsoever. And there is also an over-identification going on between some fans and Tom which isn’t healthy for anybody.

Sorry it took me several days to get to this, anon. It took me a minute to get my thoughts in order. But in a nutshell, yeah, I agree with a lot of the things you pointed out here - especially with fans acting like they know for a fact what he's thinking or feeling.

Under the cut for length and a bit of wank and disagreement w/ the "Marvel hates Loki" discourse so please skip if you don't want to see it.

A lot of the Loki series wank is rooted in whether or not Tom actually likes the series and significantly contributed to it, or if he's just saying what he has to say for publicity and his ideas and contributions were largely ignored. None of us will ever know for sure, bc none of us are Tom and none of us were directly involved in the series, so it's moot speculation, really. But it seems to basically come down to people trying to reconcile their feelings about the show with their feelings about Tom.

I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with believing that Tom's hands were tied to an extent and/or he just says things that he has to for promotion, but I also don't think that it should be treated as fact and then used as, like, ammunition against other people working on the show. I personally have not seen anyone I know or am friendly with taking their complaints to the level of harassment of actual people irl (that seems to be more of a twitter thing, as far as I can tell, and imo comes from an entirely different place than just hating the show [I think there's an inherent meanness in people whose instincts are to harass and bully bc they want to actively make others feel like shit]) but I do see it posted as fact, time and time again, that the showrunners had a personal vendetta against Loki and were intent on making the series as bad as possible, and that Tom was helpless to do anything about it.

Which I get, in a way, bc I personally believe that the Russos had, if not a vendetta, an active dislike of Loki and a vested interest in getting him "out of the way" in a manner that would make him look pathetic in IW - but, I certainly can't say that's the case for sure, and I also think it's a little different bc Tom's contractual obligations for his film appearances were likely very different than what he (and/or his people) negotiated for the show.

That's neither here nor there but my point is, I can understand where the theories come from but I just don't think that's the case here, and seeing it so often makes me feel kinda uncomfortable (for a lot of reasons but also) bc, imo, it undermines Tom's autonomy for fans to act as if he's little more than a puppet on a string, just saying whatever he has to say to please the powers that be. Like, yes, there are legally binding contracts that probably limit how candid he can be, and we all know that he sugarcoats things and never says anything bad about anyone, which can make him seem like a bit of an "unreliable narrator" when he gushes about the show -

- but, he's also a big name celeb (I mean, the studio has always banked on his name being attached to the project bc he's the one who would draw in the most viewers). He's got clout (is that the right word?) to back him up - they wanted him, specifically, to play Loki in this series. Without Tom, there's no show. So why would they want to alienate him, silence him, or dismiss him when he comes to the table and says "here are my ideas"?

My point is, it's unfair and, yes, demeaning to act as if Tom is this voiceless, powerless victim who has no choice but to act in a series he hated that was purposefully trying to destroy his character, and then to turn around and mindlessly sing its praises while promoting it.

I think that the truth is somewhere in the middle - Tom's creative control was likely limited bc he wasn't the director and wasn't the showrunner or head writer, and no one person is ever completely in control when it comes to the end result that we, the audience, end up seeing on the screen anyway. He may not have been entirely happy with every writing or directing choice that was made. But it's also very unlikely that he had no say at all or that any input he had was dismissed (or 95% of it, as it were); again, the series is banking on his name being the draw and he has the advantage of being an authority on Loki while also being intelligent and eloquent enough to convey his perspective on the character. I think that the real issue is that Tom's current perspective and/or interpretation of Loki no longer aligns with his interpretation of OG Loki from 2011-13. Which is, admittedly, a very hard pill to swallow.

Anyway, this may have veered off in another direction and idek if you wanted this answered or to have a conversation or maybe you were just venting - but, here we are.

To make it less about Loki specifically and more about Tom in general, though, yeah, ultimately I just wish his fans wouldn't feel so entitled toward him and his opinions, or his career choices, or his love life, or his clothes. I was browsing one of the Tom ask blogs (or maybe it was a Zawe one, I don't remember now) the other day and I find it really creepy, for lack of a better word, at how invested people are in Tom's, like, day-to-day whereabouts. Someone saw him at a restaurant in NYC - I wonder if he's still there today? Where's he staying? Is he there as a tourist or for work reasons? Who could he be meeting with in New York? A producer? Another play? Will he host SNL? Is Zawe still with him or did she go back to London? etc etc like, it really goes back to my original point in my original post which is, basically, who caaaaaaaares, why are you investing so much of your day trying to figure out what Tom is doing with his?

Now I'm just venting, but yeah ... shit's weird.

[honeypiehotchner]

My Deep Blue Love (Tom Hiddleston x Fem!Reader) -- Soulmate AU one shot

This was 100% born out of boredom and loneliness and those damn Soulmate AU POV Tiktoks that I have seen practically 24/7 for the past WEEK on my fyp

(I’m not sure if I’ll do a part 2, rn I have no plans for it)

quick note on the technicality of this one: you lose all ability to see colors when you turn 12 and you don’t regain the ability until you meet your soulmate. but! you have to meet them in person and it has to be a mutual eye contact. pictures/videos of them don’t work, and if you just saw the back of their head or something in person, that doesn’t work either. it’s all about the shared eye contact babeyyy

small disclaimer: Brie Larson is mentioned in here and she has a wife, but that is very much only in this fic, and as far as i know Brie doesn’t have a wife irl lol (i also don’t know if she’s spoken about her sexuality at all so what i’m saying is take it with a grain of salt ok)

Summary: Everyone around you is meeting their soulmate, but you still see in black and white. You’re ready to give up, and basically have, when you lock eyes with your soulmate.

Warnings: None! Just a bit of angst, lots of fluff toward the end 

You knock on your mom’s bedroom door at 4:58am. She’s already awake, sitting up in bed, ushering you over.

With tears in your eyes, you crawl onto her bed, snuggling close to her chest.

“I don’t want to lose my colors,” you whimper.

“I know, baby,” she whispers, kissing the top of your head. “It’s okay.”

You were born 12 years ago on this day at 5:08am, so in a few short minutes, when you officially turn 12 years old, all color will drain from your life.

Or the colors could stay, but that’s only if you’ve somehow already met your soulmate. And that’s rare, nearly impossible.

You squeeze your eyes shut at 5:07 and you don’t open them again until 5:10.

The colors are gone.

+++

twenty years later

You sigh heavily as you receive yet another wedding invite. You are invited to witness the official beginning of Olivia and Jeffrey’s lives together as husband and wife, soulmates for all of time.

The glitter sticks to your fingertips, tiny black dots against your skin. Your friend told you it’s gold. You barely remember what that looks like.

Lately it seems like everyone has been meeting their soulmate. Just yesterday, you were having coffee with a friend when she looked up at the girl sitting behind you, and boom.

“It’s like the world just exploded,” she had said. Colors were everywhere. She immediately left you to go talk to the girl.

You don’t blame her for that. If you had met your soulmate, you probably would’ve done the same thing. But you can’t say for sure because you don’t know.

You wouldn’t be so cynical of it all if your boyfriend of five years didn’t meet his soulmate while the two of you were out at dinner. You wish you could say that he was faking it. But it was clear from his face (and the girl’s) that he wasn’t kidding. It was real. He had met his soulmate, and it wasn’t you.

It’s never you.

You’ve had guys cut off dates before they even start, all because they didn’t see colors when they laid their eyes on you. They refuse to even be friends with you.

All anyone is doing anymore is searching for a soulmate and it’s exhausting when none of them are yours. When all of your friends see color now. When everyone assures you that it’ll happen soon. What does soon even mean?

You grab your ice cream from the freezer and fall onto the couch, flicking to whatever channel has late night shows that aren’t complete garbage.

As usual, you find yourself watching a talk show, and tonight Tom Hiddleston is one of the guests.

You’re sort of familiar with him from a few movies, but other than that, you hardly know anything about him.

“So, Tom, we’ve all been wondering what’s going on with you and Brie Larson?”

“Brie?” Tom asks, clearly shocked to hear this question. “We’re just good friends, that’s all.”

“Oh, she doesn’t make you see any colors?”

“Ah, no, actually, she does not,” Tom chuckles, but doesn’t sound sad at all, surprisingly. “Her wife does that for her, not me, I’m afraid.”

“Oh really?” The host brushes past the mention of Brie’s wife and keeps the focus on Tom, of course. “So is that true, you still don’t see color?”

Your ears perk up at the mention of someone else not seeing in color. It’s rare for anyone to talk about this on television. Most celebrities don’t talk about whether or not they’ve found their soulmate, but more often than not, those that have are quite loud about it.

“Yes, that’s true,” Tom answers. “I still see the world in a lovely black and white.”

You snort, harshly jabbing your spoon into your ice cream. Lovely. Yeah, right.

“Do you really think it’s nice? Do you not miss the colors?” The host asks.

“No, no, I do. I do,” Tom admits. “But I like to think I’ll see them when the time is right.”

You groan, going to Google to look up his age. And when you see he’s 40, you groan even louder. He’s older than you and he still hasn’t met his soulmate. That’s just depressing. How can he sound so optimistic?

“Alright, well, if there’s one thing you wish you could tell your soulmate, what would it be? Maybe they’re watching right now, you never know.”

Tom smiles wide. “Maybe, maybe, um… Oh, so many things,” Tom exhales deeply. “I guess I could be cliché and say I can’t wait to meet them and wait for me, but I think I want to say… I think I want to say I understand. It is frustrating, still seeing in black and white, but our paths will cross soon, I’m sure of it. Until then, my eyes are blue.”

Blue. Blue.

You roll your eyes. You don’t even remember what the color looks like.

+++

seven months later

“I am not going to a movie premiere. You’re insane!”

“Please!” Your friend, Catherine, cries. “You’ll love it, I swear.”

You glare at her over your coffee. “That just makes it sound like you have a trick up your sleeve.”

“I don’t,” she says. “I just want you to take advantage of this and come with us! When will you ever have the chance to go to a movie premiere again?”

She has a point. Dammit. “Touché. How did you get tickets, anyway? Please tell me you didn’t spend thousands for this.” You wouldn’t put it past her, even though you tell her not to every time before she does something like this.

“God, no, Joe surprised me with them earlier. He said he went to school with the lead.”

“Oh. Cool. Who?”

“Tom Hiddleston, I think. Have you heard of him? He’s British, but that’s about all I know. Joe just said they ran into each other the other day and reconnected.”

You stop halfway through a sip of coffee, careful to not choke on it. Slowly, you nod. “Yeah. I...I’ve seen him in a couple things.”

“Apparently, he hasn’t met his soulmate either…” Catherine trails away, raising her eyebrows at you.

You roll your eyes. “I heard,” you set your cup down. “He’s probably met them by now though since he blasted it on television like that.”

“Or he’s still searching and you’re still being too cynical.”

“You’re probably right,” you chuckle.

“Sooo, you’ll come?”

You sigh heavily. “As long as you help me pick something to wear.”

+++

“I’m regretting letting you talk me into this already,” you mutter when you nearly trip in your heels.

“Oh, hush,” Catherine swats your arm. “It’s an excuse to get dressed up and look hot for no reason. Take it.”

“Fine.”

Catherine’s soulmate, Joe, was whisked away almost as soon as the three of you stepped inside the venue by some director (you think), but he promised to return in a few minutes. Catherine told him not to worry. She’s used to him being dragged away for conversation. You can see from her face that she’s more proud of him than anything, and not at all annoyed.

Currently, you and Catherine are standing near the small bar, waiting for them to announce that it’s time to take your seats. You desperately want a drink, but part of you knows it would be a bad idea.

One glass of wine can’t hurt, though. Maybe it’ll take your mind off the pain in your feet.

You peel away from Catherine when you see Joe coming back, and you flag the bartender down quickly.

After ordering a glass of white wine, you wait patiently, wishing you had chosen a dress with sleeves. It’s fucking cold in here.

“Darling, you’re shivering, are you alright?”

Your head turns toward the smooth voice, face set and mind trying to decipher whether or not it was a sincere or creepy comment when the world quite literally explodes.

There, standing beside you, concern written all over his face, is Tom Hiddleston. Only now the concern has washed away into awe when your eyes lock with his.

“Oh my god,” he whispers, stumbling even though he’s standing in place.

“Blue,” you murmur. “Your eyes are blue.” Without even thinking or asking, your hand lifts to cup his cheek, and then you pull back, “Shit, sorry—”

But he grabs your wrist gently, placing your palm on his cheek. “It’s alright.” His thumb strokes the back of your hand. “I have been looking everywhere for you.”

“I thought you didn’t exist,” you whisper in reply. But here he is. His eyes are blue, his lips are pink, he has tiny brown freckles all over his rosy cheeks. You look back to his eyes, narrowing your own. “You liar. Your eyes have green in them, too.”

“Do they really?” Tom chuckles. “I never would’ve known.”

“That’s why you have me,” you tease, and you don’t know where any of this is coming from, yet it doesn’t feel like you’re pretending. It feels like you’re finally yourself.

His other hand tangles with yours as he nods. “That’s why I have you, indeed.”

At this time, the lights in the theatre begin lightly flashing, signaling that it’s time for everyone to begin making their way to their seats.

But neither you or Tom move one inch.

The only issue is people are beginning to stare.

You notice it first, so you slowly pull your hand from his cheek. This movement shocks him back to reality, too, and he blinks a few times, yet he doesn’t let go of your hand.

“I, um, I have to make a speech,” he says. “But then I can come back to you. Will you save me a seat?”

“Don’t you have to sit up front?”

He nods. “I do, but—”

“Then I’ll come with you.” You aren’t sure if it’s the fact that he hasn’t let go of your hand yet, or if it’s because you’ve been waiting so long that now you don’t want him to be further than an arms length away from you, but you mean what you say.

“Are you sure?” He asks, but you both need to make a decision quickly because you can see someone waving from the wings, most likely trying to get Tom’s attention.

“I’m sure.”

He doesn’t question it, in fact, he grins, and brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles. “Let’s go, then.”

[constantlyunlightening]

Peeping

Kinktober Day 3: Voyeurism w/ Kirishima

Other kinks/Trigger warnings: masturbation/mutual masturbation 

Third day strong! (Still loads more to go but writing is hard, ya’ll). Also, if you happen to have suggestions/prompts for fluffier stuff, lemme know. I’m probably going to do Chisaki for tomorrow and if that’s what happens, we’ll need some sweeter stuff to wash it down with afterwords :) This one is pretty sweet compared to my other 2 so far though!

Disclaimers: Read/interact only if you’re 18+. Characters are all 20+ 

Kirishima was home! A buzz of excitement jolted through you as you had to stop yourself from squealing as you saw his boots in the doorway. 

His hero work always kept him so busy, especially either the last week or two. You've hardly even seen him. He hasn't been getting home until well after it was time for you to sleep, but today, he was home before you? 

He had messaged during a break earlier in the week that he was going to be getting some time to rest soon but you hadn't realized he meant today! A smile was gracing your features before you could stop it and you were quick to rush through the house to find him. It was with reluctance that you went through the hallways quietly in case he had taken to having a nap - you could only imagine he was exhausted. You didn't want to be the reason he woke up, but you were positively buzzing.

After taking a peek into the living room and the kitchen, just to be sure he wasn't lounging around somewhere, you made your way up towards the bedroom and that's when you heard a feral little grunting sound that stopped you in your tracks. 

It was soft, but you didn't have to sit here and analyze to know what sort of noise it was. You had heard it so many times; right up against the shell of your ear. You've heard the low rumble fanning over your skin before as his face tucked away against your body. You're baby Eijiro was in there and he was working on getting off. Was he….

The bedroom door was cracked open just enough to have temptation grab you and suck you in. You tiptoed your way to the door and, against your better morals, peered inside to have your breath taken away with the scene before you. It had been much too long since you last touched your boyfriend, because seeming him lounged on the bed with his cock out and in his hand instantly got you needy.

You must have been dating an actual Greek God - he sure was built like one in any case. He hadn't bothered to take off his hero uniform with the exception of his belt - you assumed he had tossed it off to the floor somewhere but you were a bit too transfixed to make that confirmation yourself. His hero uniform put all those toned muscles in his arm and chest on display and, while they were incredibly fun to ogle on television, it was much more fun to see in person. Especially now with the way his body had a thin sheen of sweat clinging to him. 

His legs were hung off the edge of the bed, spread wide and putting the shaft in his hand on open display. You always noticed how big Kirishima hands were but his dick was even bigger. Even as he clenched and stroked his hand over himself, you could make out the color and thickness of it, you could spot glimpses of that dark vein running along the underside. You busied yourself with taking in every inch of his form, taking pause at the tensing of the arm he used to prop himself back and up on the bed, the heavy rise and fall of his chest as he worked himself up, the clench in his jaw and the baring of fangs as a stroke his particularly well. 

Your hero had you in a spell. The mere sight of him not only made your thighs clench and squirm, but it also took away the logical part of your thoughts that would have told you that maybe you shouldn't be secretly watching him - no matter how good the clench of his strong hand looked around his cock. Maybe he would get angry with you, but it wasn't like you hadn't seen all of these parts of him before. Besides he's had you touch yourself in front of him a couple time before, so maybe it was his turn to show himself off. Although maybe you should announce yourself and then watch. Or maybe you should waltz over and ride on him for your own relief as well as his. You were starting to drip. 

Another growl of pleasure from your red head had you legs anchored into place. You would be on that dick some point tonight if you had your way but for now, you wanted to watch. Kirshima always declared it was some form of manliness by focusing on your pleasure over his - he always made you cum first and he loved making you cum a lot. But this time, you were getting to watch him enjoy himself, touch himself for his own sake. You were getting to see him get off on his own terms. May as well let your hero focus on himself for round one, right? 

You weren't above touching yourself in the meantime though.

Your own hand had snuck down past your waist band and into the fabric of your panties, letting your fingers trace along the slit of your folds as quietly as you could manage. You hadn't wanted to get caught anyway, but even less so with your hands down your pants like this. You just had to be quiet. You could do that, right? Besides, it'd be easy enough to match your motions with his, hide your ragged pants under the guise of his own grunts and smacking skin.

You fanned over your sweet spot a couple times, but quickly decided to switch lower. Your body was clenching around air - may as well give it something to attend to. As you noticed Kirishima switch to a slower stroke, you timed your motion with his own, slipping two fingers into your waiting sex as his hand rode down the length of his.

Biting on the inside of your cheek was the only way to stop your sound. Gotta keep quiet. But even the thought of his hard cock riding into you was enough to send a wave of pleasure straight through your core. His quirk was hardening, but he didn't need it to get himself up and leave a dent. You practically felt like you had imprints left inside you with the way he would drive into your body - he shaped you out perfectly for himself… You missed that feeling. You missed having him written into your body, missed having the marks of sharp bites hidden on your skin, missed being enveloped in his smell and in his arms. He didn't indicate any signs of spotting you, but as if he could read your mind, he was suddenly picking up the pace and you moved in tandem. Each pump of your own fingers, you pretended it was him inside you instead and your back arched with the fantasy. 

Pleasure wrapped your vision and you had to force your legs to keep from shaking as you picked up with each increase in tempo Kirishima gave. Your biting into your cheek got a bit tougher to. He was getting close and you could tell from the way he was straining to keep his voice down. He had a habit of suppressing his own groans and grunts when he was close to orgasm. When you had pouted after a session and asked him why, he claimed it was because he didn't want anything to muffle the sound of your orgasm. He wanted to hear every single sound from the loudest, neediest scream, to the softest, blissful sigh. It wouldn't be very manly of him to steal the spotlight from star of his show, right? And apparently, that habit carried over to his solo sessions, because now as his hips rocked up into his hand - muscles tensing- his voice was strained, jaw clenched as he tried to suppress his sounds. You weren't used to withholding your own noises, but you were trying real hard now as you worked yourself up, wanting to cum with him. For an added little boost, your free hand snaked up your shirt and found its way to your chest, tugging at the closest peek it could as your sight lost focus of anything else other than the motion over his cock. So fucking close.

You were so ready to see stars, so transfixed in your own bliss. Then you heard Eijiro's voice speak up again and it almost made you wanna cum on the spot - he said your name. It wasn't exactly surprising, you were his girlfriend after all. But something about him still touching himself to thoughts of you even when he was alone? The fact that it was your name on his lips when he was at the cusp of orgasm? Damn.

You were ready for that last push- that last shove to push you over your peak. 

But then his hand stopped.

His hand stopped and you wanted to cry. Was he edging himself? Or what was he…

Suddenly you heard you name again - strained from a stolen orgasm but this didn't sound like it was said from the sheer ecstasy, this sounded like it was being directed. Directed at you.

With the hand at his cock at a full freeze and your heart leaping into your chest, your eyes nervously darted upwards and you were met with two crimson eyes staring directly at you from the bed. A shark tooth grin aimed your way.

"Pretty shady of you to be a peeping tom like that, babe," his voice came out playful but the edge in it from his little edging stunt had your body absolutely jolting. You came to attention in your shock, but you didn't miss the way his eyes seemed to follow your hand as you pulled it out of your pants - now deliciously wet. "But it'd be even worse of me to keep the best part to myself when I know you're over there waiting for me - c'mere."

Definitely not mad. Oh, no. He sounded eager in fact, and despite the heat flooding to your face at being caught, his call had you beckoned to him like a moth to a flame. How were you to resist?

The next moment, your bodily shakily carried you to stand between his legs and he wasted no time dragging you in by the swell of your hips. "Besides, I've been holding myself back this whole time until I could get to you again. I got a lot of love to give. Come get your fill."

[demivampirew]

Keep Calm and go to London chapter 18

The story is about Henry, not Geralt (only using this gif because it fits perfectly for this chapter)

Synopsis: This is the story of (y/n), a successful actress,  musician, musical producer and songwriter. After battling depression and  breaking up a long relationship, she seeks for a change of air,  escaping LA for a while going to visit some friends in London and there  she meets Henry. -Disclaimer: some chapters are mostly smut.

Previous Chapters:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5 (smut)

Chapter 6

Chapter 7 (smut)

Chapter 8 (smut/roleplay)

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12 (smut)

Chapter 13

Chapter 14 (smut)

Chapter 15

Chapter 16 (smut/ s&m) Chapter 17

Triggers:   Smut (I know, too much smut chapters 😁 😂 🤣 , but this chapter needed to have smut, you’ll see why 😜 ); mention of rape, sex trafficking and panic attacks (while talking about a movie; only mention those words, not describing anything them in any way)

Tag list:  Here’s the incredible people who showed me support (thank  you    so  much for that) and people who asked me to tag them too  ☺️   (I    think  I will write a few chapters of this story, if you want me to  tag     you, tell me ☺️   ) @cavillanche @mary-ann84 @henry-owns-these-tatas @yespolkadotkitty @dancingwendigo   constip8merm8     penwieldingdreamer iloveyouyen  littlefreya  wondersofdreaming    alyxkbrl solariumss  sweetybuzz25 @thethirstyarchive @agniavateira   @honeyloverogers @hell1129-blog   @lunedelorient​  @michelle-1185​  

During quarantine, Henry spend lots of time cooking delicious meals, bread and desserts for the two of you. He pretended not to be good, but low key you knew that he wanted compliments because his food was freaking fantastic and you were sure he knew that already. He was in the kitchen preparing cookies for you an afternoon snack. Meanwhile, you entertained him dancing around, there were some real dance moves there, but mostly silly things that you did intend to make him laugh. Lizzo's "Juice", Nicky Minaj's "Anaconda", Rihanna's "Bitch better have my money", Bruno Mars's "24K Magic" were some of the songs you choose to perform for him. You closed your little show with N*Sync's "Bye bye bye" which make him laughed so hard that Kal barked at him. He mentioned that in his youth he made a movie with Joey Fatone and you were green with envy because you used to be a N*Sync fangirl when you were little. - What was he like? - you asked - Oh, he's great! Cool guy. If I ever cross paths with him again, I'll invite him to hang out so you can meet him too. - he replied - Oh yeah, baby. That'd be a childhood dream come true. - Have you ever meet one of your idols? - he questioned curiously - Hmm... yeah, I met Slash, he's now a friend of mine. He gave me guitar lessons. - You learned to play the guitar with Slash from Guns n' Roses? - he repeated your words as a question due to the surprise revelation - No. I was already pretty good. He gave me lessons on how to improve my guitar solos. It was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I've learnt so much with him and improved drastically my habilities. - you explained - I've also met Duff and he is cool too. I met Nikolaj Coster-Waldau from Game of Thrones, he's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. I met my now friend Annie (Hathaway), which you must already know because we worked together in my first acting role and she is a mentor, she truly helped me a lot to become a good actress. - you paused, thinking and after a few moments continued.- I've met Robert De Niro, he played my dad in the movie that you didn't see - previously you have had a conversation in which he confessed to having seen three on the four movies that you made in your short but successful career as an actress. You advised him not to watch the movie, because you played a woman caught in sex trafficking and there were a lot of rape scenes and you thought he may be affected to see you like that, even you had panic attacks after filming that movie and never watched again after the premiere. You couldn't even see Cillian Murphy anymore, another co-star in that movie, because he was the villain and there was a much graphic scene in which his character raped yours. "Only the twisted mind of Darren Aronofsky could come with a story dark as that one," you told Henry laughing because you liked the director, he was a good man, but with a weird taste for disaster and dark psychology-.  You talked about meeting people that you admire and he mentioned Russell Crowe, Tom Cruise and Guy Ritchie, among others. As you predicted, the cookies were delicious. Your boyfriend was, definitely, the perfect man. Not only he was the sweetest, you two never fought, but he was also an amazing lover - he even made out a rule that you that to tell him if you didn't have an orgasm (or wanted more) so he could take care of that because those moments were made so both of you could have a great time and not just him. And, on top of all of that, he cooked for you amazing dishes and desserts. He was the definition of perfection. - Someday you're going to get tired of cooking for me and that'd be my doom. - you pointed out as you ate the tasteful cookies. - Not at all. I'll never get tired of cooking for the woman I love. - he assured you smiling. You chocked with the cooking you were eating and recover a few seconds later and starred at his face with an expression of full shock in yours. - What did you say? - you demanded him to repeat his words - What? I've said that I love cooking for the woman I love.- he repeated without understanding what was wrong with his words. - "The woman you love"? Do you love me? -you asked astonished - Absolutely.- he admitted with a smile on his face- I've been in love with you practically since the time I asked you to be my girlfriend, I just thought that you were going to think I was crazy and was too soon for saying the L word. - I felt the same way. I wanted you to be the first to say it. -you confessed him. - So, we are in love with eachother.- he confirmed with happiness written on his face; the kind of happiness that a child would experience on Christmas day if he/she received exactly what was expecting. You stood up from the table and run into his arms, as he embraced you for your first kiss after knowing that you were in love. Hours later, Henry was back again in the kitchen. This time he was planning to prepare dinner for him since you told him the cookies made you feel full and you didn't want to eat anything else for the day. He was preparing everything that he needed, when you showed up in the kitchen wearing nothing but translucid bran with pastel green colour and white flowers on it. The bra was delicate and made your breasts look amazing. You also wear a white thong and white stockings and stiletto heels pumps. You left Henry speechless. You got closer to him, put your arms around his neck a started to kiss him. You could feel his hands sliding through your back reaching your ass and grabbing it. That made you laughed and he joined you. You looked at his eyes and suggested him to take things to bed. You indicated that you couldn't wait anymore to properly celebrate the fact that you loved each other. He picked you up, holding you by your thighs and walked to the bedroom. He left you on the bed as he turned to close the door and took his clothes off. He got on the bed and then slowly slid your thong and then throw it away. Grabbing you by your thighs, he began to pleasure you with his mouth. He loved to stroke your clit with his tongue, grabbing it and sucking it as well. He could do that for long periods. You were used to him putting his fingers inside your underwear and make you cum over and over. He'd do that at least three or four times per week -without counting that you had sex every single night and some mornings as well. He always wanted to take you and satisfy his desires but also wanted to make you happy. He couldn't get enough of you, and the feeling was mutual. You could feel him tasting you, after several orgasms, you were dripping wet. He climbed on top of you and kissed you, grabbing your lips with his. He grabbed a condom from the nightstand and after putting it on, he put his member inside of you, making you burned inside. It felt so good. He would go from slow movements to really fast pound. He had both of his hands on the mattress and your's were on his neck. He would separate his mouth from yours from time to time only to be able to kiss your neck and breasts. He knew how much you needed the touch of his sweet lips on yours; to feel his tongue dancing inside your mouth. You put your arms on his back and dug your fingers on his back, followed by your nails scratching his back. That made him insane. He had shaved two days before that moment, but his beard started to grow again. He also left he moustache to grow. It was still on its early stages, but still made you tingle and it felt so amazing, especially when he was with his head between your legs. He made you stood up from the bed and then grabbed you by your thighs once more, as you entwined your arms around his neck and he started to thrust you. Your body was on flames. The fact that he was strong enough to fuck you while holding you amazed you. For moments, you would free one of your hands just to stroke his arm, as his muscles tense. He sat on the edge of the bed and continued to pound you, buried himself inside of you deeper and deeper each time. You pushed his back against the mattress, kissed him with burning passion and then started to ride him, placing your hands on his majestic hairy chest. Then, you enlaced your hands with his while you continue to move up and down his cock. He pulled your hands into his lips, kissing both of them, one at the time. You put your chest against his and whispered on his ear "You're mine, baby. You're mine and I'm yours", he looked into your eyes. Just as he thought he couldn't want you more, you told him everything he wanted to hear, that you were his. He remembered at that moment that if he wasn't for your ex, he'd been the only man you have been with. That thought made him feel both jealous and lucky at the same time. Another man had you before him, but he intended to be the only man you'll be with for the rest of his life. You were his. He wasn't the kind of man that would treat you as an object, as something that could belong to him, but you were his woman, he loved you and would make sure that you'll want him forever over anybody else because he could not stand the idea of losing you. You were his angel and he would love you and protect you and hopefully make you as happy as you made him. Life with you was a paradise. You woke up due to the need to drink some water. You had your head pressed against Henry's chest. You had sex until the sunrise. You felt so tired after that amazing night. You checked your phone to see the time and to your surprise, it was midday. You got up and decided to prepare lunch for the two of you. You starred at him for a moment before leaving the bedroom. Seeing him sleep so peaceful felt like a warm hug. You were so lucky. He was amazing and he loved you as much as you loved him.

[mercuryonparklane]

An attempt at objectivity on the topic of Tayliz/a summary: Part 2

(Kind of...)

I’ve been busy with irl stuff the last week, so I haven’t been posting much lately. I finally have a day where I have nothing else to do and I’ve been considering making a post about where I currently stand on Tayliz/Gaylor in general for a while, so I thought now would be a good time to do that.

Disclaimer: I don’t know any of these people personally and this is all my own interpretation of publicly available information. I apologize for the length of this post...

I’ve been a Taylor fan since 2006 and a Gaylor since at least early 2009 when I was posting fanfics on LiveJournal (I stopped writing rpf a long time ago, btw). I’ve been in and out of the Gaylor fandom since then. I’ve created and deleted multiple blogs/accounts in the past 12+ years. I was mostly active between 2009 and 2015, but I did a lot of lurking during that time and only engaged when I felt I had something to contribute. 2015/2016 was a crazy time and I was going through some of my own stuff, so I stopped following Gaylor as closely for a while. I listened to reputation and Lover, I read the Gaylor theories, made a couple comments, and moved along. When folklore was released it drew me back in.

I created this blog in September 2020, before I even had an inkling that Liz might be more than just another name that has been thrown into the potential exes list, along with Claire C. and Kellie (I don’t believe either of those two had anything beyond friendship with Taylor). I had never looked into it too much because it seemed like there was not as much information as there was for the main 3 (Emily, Dianna, and Karlie). Now, after researching Tayliz for 5 months, I believe there is at least as much, if not more, to go on as there is for the main 3.

As for Taymily, I believe that, at the very least, Taylor had a massive crush on Emily. I don’t like to get too in-depth about that because there is a very suspect age gap. I’m not saying that those things don’t happen, but I will reiterate my statement from an earlier post that I am not comfortable essentially accusing someone of committing a crime when all that can be deciphered is that Taylor seemed to really care about her. I do think there are multiple songs about Emily.

I also believe that Taylor did date Dianna and possibly had some kind of relationship with Karlie. I think both of these possible relationships are long over at this point. Taylor may have been looking back on those relationships (along with others) in her last few albums. 

I still personally think it is possible that Taylor is a lesbian, but there are reasons to think she might be bi and I understand why people think that she is. I don’t really talk about the guys Taylor may have dated, but I will say that, to me, all of the boyfriends she had after high school seem like beards. I could be wrong, of course. There are way too many signs that she is queer for me to not think that she is at least bi.

There have always been sapphic themes in Taylor’s music, even in early songs like “Me And Britney” and “Angelina”. Her entire discography is littered with sapphic themes. In recent years, she has seemed to hint at being some form of queer in other ways as well. This has all been examined by others, so I won’t get into that in this post.

Anyway, on to Tayliz…

There is some compelling “circumstantial evidence” suggesting that there may have been something beyond friendship between Tayliz (a lot of this was covered in my first post and all of the information has been mentioned at some point on my blog):

They met multiple times between December 2006 and February 2009, when Liz first performed with Taylor, but it is hard to tell how well they knew each other at that time. Based on the information available, I actually think they might have even been close, or at least friendly, before Liz was hired, but I could be wrong.

The “official” story is that Liz met Taylor at a meet and greet in December 2006 and again in July 2007. She asked if she could sing for Taylor and Taylor gave her advice, including suggesting that she enter a talent contest and that she should move to Nashville. Some accounts say that Liz sang for Taylor in her dressing room, but I have never found a source for this part of the story.

Taylor wrote the following sentence about Liz in her blog on February 5, 2008, after performing on the competition show that Liz was a contestant on: “It sounds strange, but there was always something different about her that stuck out in my mind”. That is super suspect to me...

Taylor was the only musician to perform on the show, btw (although they did have the touring cast of HSM on the next week). Taylor allegedly said, during the interview portion of her appearance, that she knew Liz and that Liz had gone to “all” of her shows and meet and greets… whatever that means.

According to Liz, she moved to Nashville in June 2008 and sometime within the next 6 months she received a call to audition as a backup singer, but did not know for which artist she was auditioning. I feel like it would be an incredible coincidence that Taylor suggested she move to Nashville two years earlier, they met multiple times after that, and randomly Liz got a call to audition for Taylor without knowing it was for her within 6 months of moving there. I don’t know, maybe I’m being too skeptical, but it seems almost more of a reach to say that Taylor didn’t somehow have a hand in her getting that audition.

Liz already seemed very comfortable around Taylor in that picture with George Strait taken on the day of her first show with the band in February 2009.

At the one-off shows after Liz joined the band, there was a little skit between Taylor, Liz, and Grant during YBWM, where Grant played the love interest and Liz played the “Cheer Captain”. There was even a talking bit. During the Australia one-off shows, there was a talking bit before F&A where Taylor introduced Liz and they had a little conversation that ended similarly to the one Taylor has with the interviewer during the Fearless Tour. After this, they rarely interacted on stage. 

Taylor seemed to allow Liz’s input during the auditions for the Fearless Tour dancers, two months after she joined the band, and Taylor ended up hiring two of her friends.

Liz went with Taylor to visit Abigail at her university in Kansas two months after joining the band.

Taylor took Liz with her to see Britney Spears’ Circus Tour show in Chicago right after the Kansas trip.

Taylor said in an interview for Oprah’s website, released in May 2009, that Australia and Lawrence, KS were her two favorite places to visit, which just so happen to be two of the places she had recently been with Liz.

The fact that they shared a hotel room in London a few months after Liz joined the band. Caitlin, who had been in the band for a while at that point, and her mom were both there for that trip. Maybe Taylor was just happy to be able to hang out with another woman around her age. It seems strange, but it could be a completely platonic situation.

Taylor and the band, including Liz, recorded a cover of “American Girl” by Tom Petty (one of Liz’s favorite artists) in front of the Rose Garden in Portland, Oregon in May 2009. The secret message for “Sparks Fly” is “Portland, Oregon” and she mentions the Rose Garden in “The Lucky One”.

Taylor mentions going to dinner with Liz, seemingly just the two of them, in her vlog from May 29, 2009, which was around Liz’s birthday (May 27).

The amount of Liz content in the vlogs. Plus, the choice to put the line “I like where you sleep, when you sleep next to me” right before showing Liz sleeping on a couch (this was the trip where they shared a hotel room, which does make that fact more suspect, imo) and including the song “She (For Liz)” in another vlog, in which she dedicates a whole section to Liz’s habit of falling asleep “All. The. Time.”

In fact, in both of those vlogs, which were posted a year apart from each other (May 2009 and April 2010), Taylor wears a black dot shirt, in clips that include only her and Liz, that is similar to the one she wore in the IKYWT mv. 

Honestly, just go watch the video she made for Emily and then watch the vlogs after Liz joined the band… I just get a similar vibe in the clips she chose to include of both women.

They went to a Paramore concert together the weekend before Taylor hosted SNL in November 2009. At the concert, they were filmed by other attendees dancing next to each other on the balcony. One of the songs they were filmed dancing to is “That’s What You Get” and Taylor asked Hayley to perform that song with her (and the band, including Liz) at one of the Nashville shows on the SN Tour in 2011. In November 2019, Liz released her own song called “That’s What You Get” that sounds like it could be the opposite side of the relationship much of Red is about (and a couple other Taylor songs from other albums).

In Taylor’s Glamour interview published on 10/5/2010, she mentions that she designed the two guest rooms at her Nashville condo with Caitlin and Liz in mind. 

After tweeting about attending the Katy P. concert in Dublin with Taylor (and Grant and Caitlin) someone asked Liz what her favorite KP song was and she responded “Thinking Of You”. This is suspect because at the time Liz did have a bf, but she may have just liked the song and didn’t necessarily relate to it personally.

There are tweets from people who are either not really well-known or aren’t in the industry at all that mention Taylor and Liz hanging out outside of touring. They are mentioned together in quite a few tweets actually. They seemed to have a good number of mutual friends during that time (spring/summer 2009-fall 2012). After Liz left the band, Taylor stopped hanging out with most of those people, while Liz continues to maintain some of those friendships to this day. This could be explained by the fact that Taylor began spending less time in Nashville.

One such friend is the photographer who Taylor hired for Red. She is actually a longtime friend of Liz. Supposedly she took some photos of Liz that Taylor saw and Taylor hired her after that. There are some pictures from Taylor’s Red photoshoot that are similar to Liz’s photos.

There are rumors that Liz was fired, but the “official” story is that she left to pursue her own music.

Liz did not wish Taylor a happy birthday on twitter in 2012, which she had done in previous years. She did not tweet @ or mention Taylor for almost a year. Taylor didn’t respond to any of her tweets or mention her until October 2014.

Some of the songs Liz released in late 2012/early 2013 have similar lyrics/themes to Taylor’s music and may be about Taylor.

The lyric video for Liz’s song STFU&HM includes polaroid pictures with the song’s lyrics written on them and neon signs, which is basically the 1989 aesthetic. The actual mv has some potential parallels to the IKYWT mv. (side note: Liz specified in an interview that the kind of “sour candy” she is singing about in the song is Watermelon Sour Patch, which Taylor mentioned in the June 2008 issue of Teen Vogue was something that she “couldn’t live without”)

The love interest wears a key necklace in the STFU&HM mv and Taylor wears one in the IKYWT mv.

The bridge of IKYWT is very similar to lyrics from a song by Patty Griffin called “Nobody’s Crying”. Liz once said that Patty is her favorite singer (this was when she was still in Taylor’s band) and has mentioned her and that particular song multiple times over the years. Side note: Taylor mentioned last year that another one of Patty’s songs was the inspiration for “betty”.

Liz played the other woman in the mv for TSOU and in the photoshoot for SN. At the end of the mv for her song “H8U”, Liz interrupts her love interest’s wedding and kisses his tall, blonde, curly haired bride.

This one could be a crazy coincidence, but Liz recorded the backing vocals on a song called “Dear John” that was written by the backup dancer who came out to Taylor during the Fearless Tour. Btw, by no means am I saying DJ is about Liz because that would make zero sense.

Liz’s birthday is on one of the board games in the “Lover” mv that reference “Cruel Summer”. Most people think CS is about Karlie and that makes sense, but it also seems to reference “Love Story”, which was potentially written sometime around when Taylor performed on the show Liz was a contestant on. I don’t know if LS is about Liz and I am not trying to claim that, but it is interesting. Even if it’s not, they performed that song together a lot and Liz helped out with the onstage costume change during that song. CS could be about her experiences with both Liz and Karlie. Or it could just be about Karlie and the date in the “Lover” mv has nothing to do with Liz’s birthday.

In “the 1” and “dorothea”, Taylor potentially references Liz’s song “Never Know” and by reference, I mean that she essentially uses the exact same lyrics: “I guess you never know, you never know” = “I guess you never know, never know” and “I guess I’ll never know” = literally just the same line. Not to mention in “dorothea” Taylor also sings “Do you ever stop and think about me?” and in NK Liz sings “I wonder if you think about me” right before the line “I guess I’ll never know”. I am not saying that either of those songs are about Liz, but it is interesting, especially since Liz tweeted about “the 1”, which was the thing that really sent me on my deep dive into Tayliz.

The “cardigan” looks like the cardigan she wears in the first vlog she included Liz in. It could be nothing, but it is interesting because I have a theory that Liz is the first woman she had a “relationship” with and that “cardigan” is about Liz, Dianna, Karlie, and possibly some other women she might have dated/been with.

These are just some of the highlights and are more focused on the facts as opposed to some of my more tinfoil hat, fun, crack theory stuff or just some of the things that are loosely related to Liz or might involve a little (or a lot of) reaching to connect them to her.

Everything I have mentioned could just be a series of strange coincidences, even though there appears to be quite a few of them. Whether anything ever happened between them or it was just one of those intense, romantic friendships that some women tend to have, I don’t really know. Based on what I have seen, I tend to think there was something going on there beyond friendship, but possibly it was never anything official.

Liz seemed to have a boyfriend most of the time that Tayliz were working together/hanging out, which is one of the main things that makes me question my own theory. Of course, it is always possible that she had something with Taylor, while she also had a boyfriend. There are many reasons for that (poly, closeted, etc.), so that does not exclude the idea that she may have actually been involved with two people at one time and one of those people could have been Taylor.

If they were together in some capacity, while Liz also had a boyfriend, it could explain the messy relationship that Taylor seemed to write about during that time. I think it is possible that Emily was just a crush and Liz was her first actual experience with another woman where the feelings were reciprocated to some degree. OR they could have just been really good friends and I am utterly, completely wrong. 

Maybe Taylor is just a straight girl, who doesn’t realize that she’s been sending signals that she is queer for years. Whenever that thought crosses my mind, I think about all of the things she has said and done that imply she may not be straight and I just can’t help thinking that it is intentional. I don’t think she is queerbaiting or unintentionally signaling that she might be queer. I think she is queer and has dropped multiple hints to suggest that over the years.

Anyway… Liz has a bf right now and seems to be in a good place, so let’s let her be, please. I hope we get some more new music from her soon.

As far as researching Tayliz goes, I’ll probably keep looking into it when I have time, but at this point I think I have seen pretty much all there is to see (of the content available online currently). I’ll be waiting for the songs from Taylor’s “vault” to drop to see if there are any potential connections there (at least in the “vault” songs for Fearless, Speak Now, and Red).

In conclusion (TL;DR)...

My personal opinion is that there is enough “circumstantial evidence” to include Liz on the list of Taylor potential exes. For me the Gaylor timeline looks something like this:

(Fair Warning: this is all total speculation based on song lyrics and other information that is publicly available)

Summer 2006-December 2007: Taylor develops a crush on Emily. Emily possibly finds out somehow and it doesn’t go over well (OR it does). She is fired from the band AND maybe she is paid off to pursue other interests…

2008/2009- Spring (Summer? Fall?) 2012: Taylor has an on/off relationship with Liz, while Liz also dates men. The relationship may have even started developing as early as the first time they supposedly met back in December 2006, but Taylor definitely was feeling something by the time she posted that blog in February 2008. It’s complicated and non-exclusive. Maybe Taylor wanted more of a commitment and maybe there were promises made that things could/would change, but they never did. By the time she started hanging out with Dianna she was ready to move on. So, she ended things in March/April… but still met up with Liz a couple times after (possibly as friends). 

Taylor may have also dated Julianne H. at some point in 2008/2009.

Spring 2012-Fall 2013 (?): Taylor has an on/off relationship with Dianna that may have ended, in part, due to interference from Taylor’s team. Maybe it is the one relationship with a woman that could have actually developed into something more concrete, but maybe that also scared Taylor a bit.

Winter 2013/Early 2014-Fall 2016: Taylor has an on/off relationship with Karlie, while Karlie is also involved with Josh (hence my comment about how CS could be about her experiences with both Liz and Karlie because they may have been similar circumstances, where sometimes they were single and other times they had a serious bf). 

Fall 2016-Present: There are at least a couple potential girlfriends within this timeframe. I lean towards Tily being a thing from at least fall 2016-Summer 2019. I am open to Zaylor and I do find it interesting, but I’m not as sold on that one. I personally do not think Taylor is with Joe nor do I think that Joe is WB.

The straight explanation could be that Taylor gets into really, intensely close friendships with other women and eventually they grow apart and move on with their lives. 

The funny thing is that I remember Taylor once saying something about how after a breakup, she completely cuts that person off. That fits with her relationships (whatever the nature) with Liz, Dianna, and Karlie. With each of these women, Taylor shared a friend group with them, but Taylor seemed most interested in them. She has had a few friendly/cordial interactions with them, but she seems to have completely separated her life from them after their “friendships” ended. In fact, she moved to entirely different cities on opposite sides of the country (and in one case a different country, with a whole ocean in between) after she stopped hanging out with them.

That’s where I stand and it’s not really much different from where I was back in October when I posted my first summary on Tayliz. 

Although, I do have more information now than I did then that leads me to think something was going on. 70% of the time I am convinced they had a relationship beyond friendship and 30% of the time I think they were only ever friends. 99.9% of the time I think I am a clown.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I am inclined to believe that Tayliz is more likely to have had some sort of relationship than Taymily and is slightly less likely to have happened than Swiftgron and Kaylor. Other Gaylors might think they were only coworkers or friends. I’m not out to convince anyone. I am just presenting the information I have found and I don’t mind a friendly discussion/debate if anyone wants to talk about it.

[petersasteria]

Can’t Go Back - Haz Osterfield

DISCLAIMER:  *This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.*

Summary: Harrison is getting married to a different girl and Tom isn’t happy about it.

Pairing: Haz x Reader

Requested? Nah my dudes

* * * *

This day has been a great day for Harrison. His audition went well and his date with his girlfriend for a year, Betty, was a success. As if this day couldn’t get any better, tonight is boys’ night at Tom’s flat.

Harrison bought some alcohol and he has a big smile on his face on the way to Tom’s. People around him were starting to think that he’s actually crazy, but Harrison didn’t care. All he cared about was the feeling he’s going through right now.

He arrives at Tom place and just walks in happily. Tom playfully rolls his eyes and says, “You do know that knocking is a thing, right?” Tom takes the alcohol from him and puts a few of them in the fridge. Tom hands the rest to Harry for him to give to Sam and Tuwaine.

Harry got a beer for himself and asks, “So Haz, what’s up with you? Like, why are you smiling?”

“Okay, I can’t take it anymore.” Harrison says calmly. “Guys, I have an announcement to make.”

“Ugh, what is it this time?” Tuwaine asks, pretending to be uninterested.

“I’m engaged!!!” Harrison cheers. “I proposed to Betty today and she said yes! We’re getting married!!”

Everyone congratulates him and Tom just stays silent. It was then that he knew he needed to do something.

“Mate?” Harrison says. “Are you alright? You’ve been silent.”

Tom smiles at him and says, “Yeah, I’m alright. Congrats on your engagement! I’m a bit sad that you’re leaving me on the single life.”

“Oh, fuck off.” Harrison laughs, causing Tom to laugh too. “Let’s celebrate!!”

THE NEXT DAY

Tom’s P.O.V

I pace back and forth in my living room, still thinking about Harrison’s announcement and oh my fucking god I can’t believe he actually proposed to Betty and I can’t believe that son of a bitch is actually getting married.

“What’s your deal, man?” Harry asks, from where he’s sitting on the couch. “I wanted to watch something decent on tv, but I can’t because you’re blocking the view. Besides, you seem stressed. What’s up?”

I sigh and sit next to him, “It’s about Harrison’s engagement with Betty.”

“I FUCKING KNEW IT!!” Harry exclaims. “What’s up with that?”

“It’s just- I don’t see Harrison marrying Betty. I don’t like her for him. She’s so annoying! She’s too clingy and she whines a lot.” I rant.

“Yeah, I’m not a fan of hers either. But Haz is happy with her and he somehow doesn’t see the things we see.” Harry explains.

“Yeah, because in his eyes, she’s little miss perfect!” I huff.

“Well, too bad you can’t do anything.” Harry shrugs, leaning back on the couch.

“Unless...”

“Oh, god. Unless what, Thomas?” Harry groans. I look at him with a grin, “Unless I bring Y/N in this.”

“Tom, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Harry sighs. “Their break up was messy.”

“Yeah, but I know that Haz is still so hung up on her.” I explain.

“Ugh, whatever. I still think it’s not a good idea.” Harry sighs, unlocking his phone and opens Instagram.

“Why?” I ask, taking his phone away from him.

“Because it’s a recipe for disaster! It would ruin everything and there’d be no wedding.” Harry answers, taking his phone back from me.

“EXACTLY!! There’d be no wedding, because Y/N will come and save Haz! I’m just looking out for him. Besides, Haz and Y/N deserve each other.” I say, crossing my arms.

Harry just looks at me and says, “You’re fucking mental.”

“You have no idea.” I snicker, thinking of how I’ll reach out to Y/N.

* * * *

-not proofread-

Big thanks to my friend @myblueleatherbag for helping me with this!!

Tagging my mutuals: @sweetdespairbarnes @fanficparker @lcvelyparkers @tommysparker

[lycorogue]

LycoRogue’s Love Stories

It’s that time of year again where I shamelessly give a shout out to my own love stories that I have written for Miraculous Ladybug, Fruits Basket,  and “Hey, Arnold!” 

Check below the break for the full list. Alternatively, you can find my stories here on Tumblr under #LycoRogue Fanfic. I also have the same handle (LycoRogue) over on AO3, FFN, and DA.

Miraculous Ladybug Fandom

Peeping Tomcat Summary: Something called to Adrien, and before he knew it, he was addicted to sitting outside Marinette's window as Chat Noir; just watching her. His voyeuristic habit needs to stop, but things have gotten far too complicated now that he realizes he's growing a crush on her. Rating: General Audiences Romance Level: Standard Love Square leading into Pining Adrien and Reverse Crush Word Count: 84,242; multi-chapter *Not posted to Tumblr* [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

Build Your Own Luck Summary: Everyone knows about the lucky charm bracelet that Marinette gave to Adrien, but where did Marinette get it in the first place? Why did Marinette have such faith in it? Perhaps Adrien got a bit more than luck when he accepted the bracelet. Perhaps he also got a taste of familial love. Rating: General Audiences Romance Level: Familial Love Word Count: 2581; one-shot [Tumblr]   [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

Prescription for Love Summary: This was not the weekend away Kagami was expecting, but then again, what was written on Marinette's letter wasn't what Adrien as expecting either. As Kagami tries to understand Adrien's confusion, and find time to try to woo him from Marinette, Adrien is busy trying to understand Marinette's train-side send-off, and finding a pharmacy **Contains “Backwarder” spoilers**. Rating: General Audiences Romance Level: Adrien confused about his romantic feelings for anyone while spending a weekend with Kagami and trying to fulfill Marinette’s request. (Takes place within the episode “Backwarder”) Word Count: 19,735; multi-chapter *Not posted to Tumblr* [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

Kisses Summary: Luka fears that he went too far with Marinette. She, on the other hand, doesn’t know how to tell him she wanted him to continue. Rating: General Audiences Romance Level: A chaste, super PG make-out session with Lukanette Word Count: 753; one-shot [Tumblr exclusive vignette]

I Was Thinking of You Summary: Girls' Day derails when Marinette realizes the male lead of a romance movie reminds her of someone other than Adrien. Rating: General Audiences Romance Level: Lukanette mutual pining as Marinette also wrestles with her feelings for Adrien Word Count: 3565; one-shot [Tumblr]   [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

I Don’t Care Summary: Gabriel Agreste's life was safe, stable, predictable, and boring. That is, until he literally ran into a strange woman at a club; a club he didn't even want to go to. He felt instantly that this Emiile woman would forever change his life. He didn't realize how true that feeling was. **Mildly Gabriel-Apologetic story as it takes place pre-series** Rating: Teen and up Romance Level: Gabriel falling in love with Emilie Word Count: 5406; multi-chapter; incomplete *1st chapter was originally a Tumblr Exclusive; 2nd chapter not posted to Tumblr* [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

Marinette’s Song Summary: Whenever Luka creates music it affects people. He can't handle having to hide his music anymore, and so he goes to the Tom & Sabine Charms and Potions shop for some help. Can Marinette's witchcraft allow Luka to finally share his music with the world? *Disclaimer: First attempt at an AU story* Rating: General Audiences Romance Level: Pining Luka and Marinette falling for him too; AU where Adrien isn’t around Word Count: 10,786; multi-chapter [Tumblr]   [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

Love Square Fluff Week 2020 Summary: My first attempt at doing Fluff Week for this fandom. I tried to loosely tie the different writing prompts together as a coherent story. Post-Season 3 spoilers included as the Love Square slowly collapses in on itself. Rating: General Audiences Romance Level: Standard Love Square (each side has at least one chapter dedicated to it), with the Love Square slowly collapsing into these two morons finally getting together Word Count: 18,247; multi-chapter; incomplete (I’m trying to work on those last two prompts still) [Tumblr]   [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

Fruits Basket Fandom

Love Taps Summary: Kyo's little head bonks carry more meaning and more love than anyone could ever truly know. Anyone besides maybe Tohru, who reflects on an entire lifetime of receiving the loving raps on the noggin. *Disclaimer: Post-Manga and Fruits Basket Another spoilers* Rating: General Audiences Romance Level: Married Kyoru as they raise their family Word Count: 2957; one-shot [Tumblr]   [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

Unsent Letter Summary: In Kyo’s bedroom waste basket there is a crinkled up ball of paper: a letter he wrote to Tohru, but could never find the courage to hand to her. Rating: General Audiences Romance Level: Angst as Kyo reflects on his love for Tohru Word Count: 476; one-shot drabble *Apparently I forgot to post to Tumblr* [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

Hearts Together Summary: A collection of Kyo and Tohru shorts to celebrate Kyoru Week 2019 over on Tumblr. They'll range from sweet friendship to budding romance to full-on post-manga love. Rating: General Audiences Romance Level: Kyoru mutual pining all the way through marriage and a family Word Count: 11,100; multi-chapter [Tumblr (only a sample)]   [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

Is She Your Mama Too? Summary: The curse has been broken. Tohru and Kyo have moved away, and Yuki will be leaving soon too. As life around him changes so drastically, Momiji decides it's time to get back the life he was owed. He only hopes it wouldn't bring any pain this time. *Post-Manga spoilers* Rating: General Audiences Romance Level: Familial love Word Count: 5058; one-shot *Apparently I forgot to post to Tumblr* [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

“Hey, Arnold!” Fandom

The Master of Breaking and Entering Summary: Helga, Gerald, and Arnold must break in to La Sombra's fortress to try to find Arnold's parents. How will Arnold react when Helga takes control of the situation? Rating: General Audiences Romance Level: My vision of what The Shortaki Kiss would be prior to the release of The Jungle Movie Word Count: 3203; one-shot *Not posted to Tumblr* [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

I Caught You a Star Summary: Something special goes down up on Wells Ridge during an early morning meteor shower. Something that Arnold has meticulously planned for quite some time. Now, can his best laid plans work out for him? Rating: Teen and up Romance Level: Shortaki proposal story originally written for 2011's Valentine's Day. Word Count: 7847; 2-chapters *Not posted to Tumblr* [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

I Thought You Liked Redheads Summary: Everyone is dying their hair lately, and getting a lot of attention for it. Should Helga cave and dye her hair too? Will that get the attention she craves from Arnold? Rating: Teen and up Romance Level: Shortaki teenage dating Word Count: 3621; one-shot *Not posted to Tumblr* [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

For Whom the Bells Toll Summary: We all saw what Arnold and Helga thought about being paired up by Rhonda's Origami Marriage Predictor. But what about Sheena and Eugene? Rating: General Audiences Romance Level: Companion story for the episode “Marriage”, but following Sheena and Eugene as they each picture what being married would be like Word Count: 10,964 ; one-shot (split into 4 chapters on AO3) *Not posted to Tumblr* [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

The Adventures of Brainy Summary: Why is it that Brainy never gets the girl? Well, he's planning on changing that, even if it's just in his own daydream. Rating: General Audiences Romance Level: Brainy picturing himself as a hero of a 1930s serial melodrama with Helga as the Damsel; originally written for Hey Arnold Valentine's Day contest back in 2013 Word Count: 4962 ; one-shot *Not posted to Tumblr* [AO3]   [FFN]   [DA]

Other Fandoms

Sparks for the Moment Fandom: Seven Kingdoms Trilogy/Graceling Trilogy Summary: As Queen Bitterblue kissed Saf, he realized he had one more chance. Possibly one last chance to be with his Sparks. With the snow storm raging outside, no one would disturb them within that drawbridge tower anyway. *Spoilers for the story Bitterblue* Rating: Explicit (straight up smut) Romance Level: Saf & Bitterblue smut with bittersweet romance Word Count: 3442 ; one-shot [AO3 Exclusive]

[mcuamerica]

Always On My Mind (i)

“Maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely, lonely times and I guess I never told you I'm so happy that you're mine” - Willie Nelson

Summary: History between two performers can be complicated when they have to be lovers in a new movie that could take both their careers to another level.

Pairings: Actor!Tom x Actress!Reader; Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Warnings: ANGST, mentions of anxiety/stress; italics are thoughts (disclaimer: I do not own Tom or any of the people mentioned in this fanfic; I am just using his name/face for this fanfic and characteristics. This is not how Tom acts and I do not know him, so, therefore, I do not know if he would do any of this. Any characters that resemble people irl is completely coincidental.)

A/N: This is part of @pparkerwrites writing challenge. Prompt is in bold.

Words: 2335

(gif credit here)

“Ten minutes ‘till start,” The voice boomed throughout the building as you walked into the small studio space with your assistant. You glanced around and turned to them. “I can’t believe I actually landed this movie, Archer.” You said and shook your head. “I thought I just got lucky with the film with Chris, but this, this is insane.” You said and looked around the studio.

“Yeah, but you still don’t know who your co-star is. They didn’t make you do a screen test with him or anything.” They said as they flipped through a few pages of your schedule for the movie. “You should probably head over to the conference room, right? You’re reading through the script before starting rehearsals.” They told you and handed you the script they had been carrying for you. You insisted that you could carry it yourself, but Archer told you that they could handle it. 

You took the script from their hands and flipped through the pages. “I’m sure whoever they cast as the male lead is going to be great in the role.” You said. You always liked supporting each actor/actress you worked with, even if you didn’t know them. You had faith in the casting team, director, and producers that they did a good job. And it helped that you got the female lead in this movie, so you didn’t have anyone to be jealous of, at least that’s what you thought.

“This is such an amazing script, the character’s relationsh-” You started to explain why you loved the script so much, but a familiar British voice took over your thoughts.

“Oh, come on Haz, just because I don’t know who the co-star is doesn’t mean she’s going to be bad. She’s gonna be great.” The 23-year-old spoke out.

Your thoughts immediately stopped as you heard his voice. Sure, you’ve heard it on your phone and on the TV, but it was different hearing it in person. You hadn’t heard it in person in four years. It sounded the same as when you heard him speak for the first time, enduring and inviting.

“(Y/N)? Are you alright?” Archer asked and waved their hand in front of your face. You nodded your head slowly, biting your lip. “I’m gonna go grab you some water, I’ll be back before you go into the room.” They said and walked off to fill up your bottle.

You took in a deep breath, turning around to where the voice was coming from to be met with the man you knew was attached to it. “Tom?” You called out slowly, letting your script hang at your side so you could give him your attention.

He looked from Harrison, eyes slightly widened as he heard your voice, sweet voice with a nervous quiver, just as it was the day at the coffee shop. “(Y/N)?” He asked in a similar tone to yours. “H-Hey, what are you doing here?” He asked. The last time he had seen you was when you came over to get your stuff the day he left for Atlanta. Both of you weren’t too happy that day, which you (at least Tom) should’ve been considering he was going to film a Marvel movie as Spider-Man. He got out of the funk once he started rehearsing, but it still hurt when the filming was done and he got a break. That break reminded him that he didn’t have you to go back to and tell about filming, the experience. He thought he moved on, but seeing and hearing your voice brought up all of the emotions he used to have.

“Uh... I was about to ask you the same thing.” You said and laughed softly, just like he remembered. “I’m... I’m the female lead for this movie, Delilah.” You explained yourself, trying to see how he reacted. He had grown since you had last seen him. He was a lot more muscular and confident in what he was wearing, not to mention his hair was styled. Though, his messy eyebrow and his eyes were two things that you noticed didn’t change at all. It made focusing on what he was saying harder.

“Oh, that’s great!” He said as a smile came to his lips. He looked at you with nervous eyes as soon as he realized what that meant. He was going to have to play your love interest. “I-I um.. I’m the male lead, Sebastian,” He copied your words.

“That’s- That’s great.” You stuttered and smiled. You were happy to see him again, it was a long time. Tom and you didn’t communicate very much after the breakup, it was too hard to let the other go. And this was one of the reasons why you two broke up. You were too scared of falling into Tom’s shadow as his girlfriend. You didn’t want to be known as Tom Holland’s girlfriend. You wanted to be known as yourself, wanted to be an established actress because of your talent, not your significant other. Now being cast in a role that had you co-star next to Tom, this brought back all of that stress you felt when he got the Spider-Man role. Not to mention that any girl he was seen with was linked to him as a girlfriend, even if both Tom and the girl deny the relationship.

“Two minutes! Leads please gather into the conference room so we can begin the read-through.” One of the producers announced. You smiled at Tom, excusing yourself to go over to Archer.

“Archer, you remember that ex I told you about?” You asked quietly, taking the water from their hand as you both walked towards the room. Archer nodded and furrowed their eyebrows. “He’s the male lead.” You told them and stopped outside the door, trying to calm yourself down.

“(Y/N), you’re an actress. And it’s not like you left off on a terrible note with him. You both broke up with each other, it was mutual. You’ve told me that. You can do this, it’s an amazing movie and you would regret it if you dropped the role because of him.” Archer grounded you.

You squeezed your eyes shut and sighed, nodding softly. “You’re right.” You said and looked at them. “This is why you’re my assistant.” You said and hugged them before walking into the conference room. You looked for your name and sat down next to Tom, giving him an awkward smile.

As you read through the script you couldn’t help but think back to when Tom and you had done this for both of your various auditions. You would sit on your bed at your apartment, going through each line and giving each other notes to improve the tone of voice or passion of word. If either one of you didn’t believe the other you would repeat the line until you believed the other.

As for Tom, he kept glancing at you when other actors were reading long paragraphs since he didn’t need to pay too much attention. You hadn’t changed a lot in four years, but he could see what was different. Your hair had gotten a bit darker, not quite the same color he remembered. To him, you had gotten more beautiful. Your eyes and smile were still the same. The way you read your lines with slight anticipation but also surprise didn’t change either. It was something that you always struggled with, knowing what the next line was going to be and having to act like you didn’t. He could tell that you had improved, which made it evident (among other things) that you were in the right part for this movie.

The director told everyone to take a five-minute break so you turned around to talk to your assistant to see how you were doing. “(Y/N)?” You heard Tom say softly once your conversation with Archer had ended. You turned towards him with a slight raise in your eyebrow, signaling him to continue speaking.

“You uh... sound really good, have gotten better with time.” He said, wanting to mention how much better you’ve gotten in just reading the lines. He couldn’t wait to see how much you improved in acting.

“Oh, thanks. You’re not so bad yourself.” You teased and smiled, looking back at your script to go over a few lines you screwed up. “I think it’s gonna be a good movie.” You told him and leaned back in your chair, looking back over to him. His hair had fallen in front of his face and it took everything you had not to reach up and fix it for him, something you used to do a lot especially since he didn’t style his hair very often. You watched as the piece of hair shook when he nodded his head.

“Yeah, and Jon is an amazing director... and actor, but I love all of his films. So we’ve got a good director.” He said, the corners of his mouth tilting into a smile.

“Hey, Tom, (Y/N), I’ve got a little assignment for you to do over the course of the next weeks of rehearsing and filming,” Jon said and leaned his hands against the table. “So we’ve put you both up in the hotel a few streets down, and your rooms are right next to each other.” He said while Tom and you glanced at each other, both getting the feeling of where this was going. “I’m thinking it would be a good idea if you two spent time together outside of the studio, just to enhance the relationship of your characters,” Jon explained and smiled at the two of you. “Sound good?” He asked.

Both Tom and you nodded in response, giving him a ‘yeah’ before he walked away. “Well, I could come over with Chinese?” Tom said once Jon left. “We could watch Friends or New Girl,” He suggested and was about to continue when you laughed softly, shaking your head.

“You haven’t changed one bit.” You said, looking at him when he furrowed his eyebrows. “Oh, it’s not a bad thing. It’s good. You’re just...” you’re still as cute as ever “Never mind.” You said as you got flustered.

“Come on, tell me.” He said, wanting to know what was going on in your head. He used to be able to finish your sentences for you, but you’ve spent so much time apart he couldn’t do that anymore.

“You still like New Girl.” You said, not really lying but knowing it wasn’t what you actually wanted to say.

“Come on, I could never not like New Girl.” He teased and crossed his arms, wanting to continue the conversation but the producer spoke up to tell everyone what was the next thing on the schedule.

***

Once you had gotten into sweatpants and a hoodie you settled on the couch in your hotel room, waiting for Tom to knock on the door. Soon, you had put on New Girl and almost as if on queue, there was a knock at your door. You got up and opened up the door, smiling softly. “Hey,” You said and stepped aside so he could come in.

“I got your favorite,” He said and set the take out bag on the coffee table while you went to grab plates. “At least, I think it’s your favorite.” He said and you nodded when he said what it was.

“I guess you haven’t changed a bit at all either.” He said and you laughed, shaking your head. “I see you put on New Girl, I appreciate it.” He said.

You nodded and hummed. “Yeah, of course. You got dinner, I got the TV.” You said and set the plates and forks down on the table next to the food. “I know, no chopsticks, but this is the best I can do.” You said, your face lighting up when Tom pulled out chopsticks from the bag. “Oh, you’re the best.” You said and sat down on the couch. You grabbed the food and chopsticks, crossing your legs before you started the TV show.

“(Y/N), do you think we should talk about... us?” He asked, looking at you with a slight amount of hurt in his eyes. “Just... We’re going to have to be acting as love interests, and with our history...” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

“It’s going to be hard.” You finished for him, taking a moment before talking again, “Well... We’re both adults, right? And we’re good actors.” You said, resting your plate in your lap. “How about we make a deal?” You asked, biting the inside of your lip as you tried to think of one. Tom nodded, waiting for you to go on. “We uh... We leave all our romantic feelings on set and at rehearsals.” You suggested.

Tom wanted to ask what if he had romantic feelings before you two even started rehearsals. He had seen posts on your private Instagram over the years and always wanted to reach out to at least talk to you again. After you left the house and he went to Atlanta, his feelings for you never fizzled. Those feelings towards you were like honey, still sweet and never expiring.

You didn’t like the deal that much either, it was going to be incredibly hard. Seeing him and hearing his voice, watching him as he put so much emotion into the words today, it made you realize why you loved him in the first place. Pushing your feelings down couldn’t be good for your already existing stress and anxiety, but it was something you had learned for acting. Leave all emotions you gain from a character, whether it be stress, anxiety, love, hate, anger, any of it, leave it on the set. You’re just going to hurt yourself if you hold onto those feelings, they would just drag you down.

“Okay, deal, leave all emotions on set.” Tom agreed, the two of your shaking hands that were meant to stay together.

[thesagedahlia]

🧿Zendaya🧿

I'm going to start by saying I consider Zendaya my biracial sister (she's about 11 days younger than me) & I honestly feel like I can relate to her on so many levels. I never really was invested in much of her personal life, but I enjoy her work & she plays roles I can identify with. But energetically, I get she's kind of a hermit (which again, I relate to) & doesn't really be out there like that. I knew she dated Tom Holland but I was unaware of the duration of the relationship nor of their slept. It was also brought to my attention that she seemed to be getting close to her Euphoria costar, Jacob Elordi. I will say that she has much inner strength & wisdom for someone her age (again, another relation), & she is very in tune spiritually. She has amazing intuition, also comes off very stable or focused on stability. Her situation with Jacob took me aback & it was interesting to see her close with some other that Tom (though I will say, Jacob has some sketchiness to him; to those who are familiar with tarot, the devil card came our constantly for him). From what I picked up on Zendaya, she seems like an unproblematic character in a problematic movie we call human existence, but I digress.

**DISCLAIMER**

I am not declaring, nor am I insinuating, that anything I say in my predictions are true accounts of any of the parties involved. This reading is for entertainment purposes only, & should be only taken as such. All in good fun, folks 🤷🏾‍♀️🧿

🔮Energy Surrounding Zendaya🔮

I feel like in regards to the choices & ideas that have yet to be explored, Zendaya is beginning to explore certain life choices that will bring her a happier, healthier life with more opportunities to grow as a person. She's focused a lot on her success & she is putting people & situations behind that don't serve her growth. As far as love, she is less interested in flings & is wanting solidarity & maturity. She also wants a foundation & to cut out any recklessness or carelessness about the things she wants for herself & in her relationships. I think romance has left a bad taste in her mouth & she would rather focus on her own self reflection, & she is becoming stronger despite her losses. She decided she was going in a different direction than what her relationships were taking her. She has her idea of what stability means to her in all aspects in her life, & she's being committed to her newfound ideology. She's putting an end to situations that left her confused, & a lot of the confusion was caused by manipulation. She has anxiety stemming from what she's dealt with in the past, & the fear of it repeating itself. She's in search of her own happiness, & even if she's burdened through it, she is in walking this path alone. She may be going through a period where she's even seeing people she's known for some time for who they truly are, & she's starting to see that people around her don't have her best interest at heart; & this seems like people who are around her socially.

🔮What happened between Zendaya & Tom Holland🔮

I'm seeing that there was an unwillingness to commit fully, & Zendaya's energy & passion for the relationship beginning to die down. They had a stable relationship, but I feel they were each going in different directions & wanting different things. The relationship was going through a rough patch for some time before they ended things, & it started to become burdensome. It ended up coming down to a decision to make the transition to being friends. I feel Zendaya was becoming more cold to the relationship, & she may have been unwilling to let up on wanting a change in the relationship (or life in general). She felt like things weren't going anywhere.

🔮Zendaya's feelings toward Tom Holland🔮

She is acknowledging that their work has brought them closer together as friends, but I feel like she wasn't trying to mix business with pleasure, though the both are coming across as having mutual interest in one another. She feels like it's harder to work together as a couple. She had an emotional & sexual connection with him & it stemmed from their mutual connection; they acted upon their passions & their feelings for one another. She had her convictions about dating someone she worked with, & she already was in tune, intuitively, of the relationship itself & how it will not be what she's looking for in love. Despite this, she took the chance anyway because she cared about him. It was an equal give & take relationship, but Zendaya felt bogged down by the loyalty she felt toward Tom. She felt it best if they quietly remained friends.

🔮What is going on between Zendaya & Jacob Elordi🔮

Zendaya isn't much invested in anything serious with Jacob, & I feel she has her set boundaries so she isn't going to put too much of herself out there. She is, however, having a time being single & she considers Jacob a good friend. Right now, it's just a lighthearted friendship & opportunity, where they see where things may go. I'm picking up that he could be keeping something hidden from her (possibly a desire?) & it is coming across as being a friend to her first & being patient, but Zendaya doesn't seem like she would fall for the 'okey doke' & will nip that in the bud. She's having fun, but she's not settling in this relationship. Zendaya seems to strictly be interested in a friendship with Jacob, & Jacob may have some underlying intentions on where he wants ths relationship to go.

🔮Zendaya's feelings toward Jacob Elordi🔮

She is planning to be platonic about where she plans on taking the relationship. She's kind of introverted when it comes to Jacob, & she is even being observant & proactive to getting a general study of him as a person to be cautious of or not. She also doesn't seem to be much in contact with him behind the scenes; she's very much of a hermit in general, in which she is more in favor of her solitude. She may only want to stay friends above all else. She may also feel she relates differently from him romantically. She's feeling like she may be better off focusing on herself, as she kind of peeps some sort of game he's trying to play (she'd play up until she feels like she's about to get manipulated on some way). As far as she's concerned, she has control over the situation & will not settle for a person of ill intention to be around her or in her energy. I don't see any feelings of her being tempted, or giving flighty feelings, in fact she may not have feelings for Jacob at all.

🔮What is to come for Zendaya in the near future🔮

I see Zendaya dealing with mess & toxicity within her social circle, partnerships, &/or alliances. She may be coming into realization about those who are around her & are realizing that they may be bringing low vibrational energy & blockages to her own abundance. As of right now, all of her focus is on her own self love & stability. She's practicing self evaluation & self reflection, as well as using her own discernment & intuition to stand her ground against anyone who is deceptive or calculating. She has her boundaries established, & she isn't planning to compromise herself for anyone else. I'm picking up on a friend that may try to take a connection forward, but they are someone who has passion (or lust) behind his intention; this is a connection that Zendaya is taking more lightly. She is going to be pushing forward out of any burdens she may face, to reach a more stable place in her life. She's trying to release some stresses that can be stemming from friends or family (or she could be dealing with some conditioning due to family cycles or traditional cycles; karmic cycles). She is spending her time mostly I'm self reflection & self love & is finding her own truth to fall back on.

🔮BONUS QUESTION🔮

1️⃣Tom Holland's feelings toward Zendaya?

I feel like Tom has a certain admiration for Zendaya, & he feels like she is a woman who knows what she wants, & he has respect & compassion for her. I do have a feeling that he doesn't feel someone around her has good intentions; someone she's been publicly around. I feel like he would like to reach out to her more, but there is an energy of holding back from doing so. Even though he believes they are still friends & they have a mutual respect for one another, he feels imprisoned by the fact that he still feels a way about her. He acknowledges that there are challenges that he may have with the fact that she could be in a relationship with someone else, but I feel like he's not wanting to be immature about it, so he'd rather keep his distance. He's trying to release the dissatisfaction & hurt that he feels, because he only cares about Zendaya's happiness, while simultaneously respecting his own boundaries. I think it's hard for him to be friends with her because there may have been love there for him (Zendaya's energy was way more neutral than Tom's; his feelings in the relationship may have been deeper?). He feels like no matter what kind of mess she goes through with another person, they would always cherish each other as friends.

2️⃣Jacob Elordi's feelings toward Zendaya

Jacob is coming across as someone who has ulterior motives, & he is wanting to maintain their friendship, but he has a goal in mind, but he is acknowledging that she is strong in her convictions. He does want Zendaya to be more open with him, even though he has no intention on bringing stability to her. She's not even focused on him, he feels. He feels that even in a work environment, she doesn't want to become distracted on anything that isn't about contributing to her stability. He feels like she sets boundaries with him, which makes him feel left out in the cold with her. He's unsure I'd he is even wanting to put up a front because he knows that it isn't going to be as easy as he thought it would be. She keeps to herself a lot. He does, however, feels like he has clarity to strategic means to getting closer to her, & they seem to be to his own benefit.

3️⃣What are Jacob Elordi's intentions with Zendaya 👀?

He feels she is in need of a friend & that she may be going through her own personal issues that are a hindrance on her being open with him, & he is willing to be that person that is there for her. But I gotta be honest, his intentions on his reasons for getting close to her are a little questionable. He wants to transform the relationship between them, but he can't seem to get around her boundaries that easily, & he's playing by the rules long enough until he can take a leap. I don't know if he had recently gotten out of previous relationship, but it partially feels rebound-ish. I see Jacob as wanting to take things with Zendaya further, but I see him being blocked; I feel like Zendaya is ten steps ahead of him.

[darisu-chan]

Marco’s Feelings (Or How He Lied to Himself Almost the Whole Show): An Analysis, Part 1

Alright

So I said I was going to write an analysis after Marco’s confession back in Here to Help and what it means about his feelings for Star throughout SvtFoE. Now, I’m sure some people have said this before, others might have refuted this already, but I’m going to start by saying I knew Marco had feelings for Star back in Blood Moon Ball. I wasn’t really in this fandom back then, so I didn’t make any posts about it. I honestly thought it was obvious, but season 3 and 4 showed me that a lot of people take things at face value, so naturally when Marco confessed, well, some things I’ll be analyzing in this post, a lot were confused, others misunderstood. I’m here to clarify some things.

So, let’s go! 

(Long post ahead)

Disclaimer: although this is my opinion, I’m basing it on the subtext of the show and not on what I just want to believe. I know I’m a starco shipper, but, honestly, the plot made me like them and not the other way around. I’ve shipped Star and Marco with other people, although, ultimately, I do prefer them with each other because of what I’m about to explain in a bit. So take that in mind.

Anyway, let’s start with what Marco actually said, and then I’ll be analyzing it part by part:

“Marco. You told me you love me.”

“Ah... Okay...” marco.exe stopped working

“Maybe it was just a fragment of your subconscious mind, but─”

“No. It’s not a fragment of anything. That’s... the whole Marco. Y’know, the whole Blood Moon Curse? That ordeal? Well, it’s bologna. I’ve felt like this since the beginning. I mean... I’m not a little boy... I know that you just don’t fall in love at first sight! The way I feel... it’s just gotten more intense since we first met. And it was intense at the start and I know it’s in the way.”

“In the way? Marco, why does it have to be bad?”

“It is bad if you don’t want it.”

“Okay, can we kiss?”

“Uh... please”

“Marco, I want you to love me because I love you.”

Okay, the part everyone misunderstood is the following: “I’ve felt like this since the beginning.” 

How could this be if Marco had a huge crush on Jackie-Lynn Thomas and even wanted to be Mr. Lynn Thomas?! There’s no way he fell in love at first sight with Star! They’re just trying to push Starco! Marco didn’t even like Star!

And, yeah, but that’s not what Marco exactly said. Most people ignored what he said next and, honestly, that’s the part which is more relevant: “ I mean... I’m not a little boy... I know that you just don’t fall in love at first sight! The way I feel... it’s just gotten more intense since we first met.” 

Marco knows it was not love at first sight, precisely, but more of an intense feeling. And, yes, as we know, Marco did not like Star the moment they met:

He was scared of her magic and what it could do, because let’s face it, Star had no control over it at the start 

He was also pretty much annoyed at her

He didn’t want to show her around school or live with her, and he didn’t even like the laser puppies!

So what changed?

If you remember on Star Comes to Earth Ludo attacks her at the end, right in front of the Stop & Slurp. Star attempts to fight him, she’s even raising her wand, when Marco steps between her and one of Ludo’s minions and attacks him with his awesome karate moves. Star is very impressed with his abilities and together they defeat Ludo and his minions:

@isaackuo​ has said before that Marco bonds with others through shared fighting, and the first time we saw it was with Star.

Think about it, when you’re fighting someone with another person, you need to trust that other person completely, trust that they’re going to cover your back, as you’re going to cover theirs. It also involves teamwork and learning to understand body language. Never mind the fact that there’s obviousy an adrenaline rush, which helps with the intensity of the feeling. In the fight, both Star and Marco are in sync and, most of all, they are having fun.

On the aftermath of the fight, Ludo leaves and they are alone. Marco says that “It was amazing! You were amazing!” excitedly. Then Star is sad cause she believes that after all of that Marco won’t want to live with her, but he says that he doesn’t want her to go, that he wants her to stay with his family. Then Star, who is a very affectionate girl, hugs him for the first time.

This is the actual start that Marco is talking about. This is when he felt that intense feeling. It’s not the moment when they first met, it’s the moment when they became friends. Or the moment when they truly met each other. Starco is heavily linked with the idea that true love is born from a great friendship, which is why this is the moment Marco first felt it. 

It’s not love. I want to clarify that. Because love comes from turly knowing someone, flaws and all, and still trusting them, accepting them, wanting to be with them, and caring for them. This wasn’t love then. But it was the spark.

It’s hard to explain, but I’m going to do my best to do it. Sometimes, you meet people and you don’t click right away. In fact, it can take years for a friendship to blossom between you and this other person, let alone a relationship. It can also happen you meet someone and you don’t think anything about them at all. If they become important to you, it’s through a serious of secondary meetings when you get to know them. Other times, you are attracted to someone right away physically, and you intend to be more than friends (this is what happened with Tomstar when they dated for the first time). Finally, there are times when you don’t know what it is, but there’s a feeling that a person is going to be important to you. Maybe it’s not love, maybe it’s not even physical attraction, it’s just this intense feeling that this person is important to you. What will happen next? Who knows. But you want to be by their side, getting to know each other better. Because you feel it in your very soul that you won’t be the same person you were after meeting them.

I’ve been through all of the above situations with the guys I’ve dated/liked/fallen in love with. I’m an adult, I’ve lived through a lot romantically, and I can say that, although I’ve appreciated every single instance of falling in love, especially since it’s so rare as an adult, the one that marked me the most is that moment when I first met the guy who would later become my first love. I knew even then that he was going to be important to me. And he was. More important than I could’ve ever imagined. Easily the guy who has changed me the most. And it’s this feeling the one I’ve been craving ever since. That spark, that intensity, is like nothing you’ll ever feel. It’s not rooted in attraction or lust, it’s more about your very being saying “Hey, looks like I find you.”

This is what happened to Marco.

It’s not that he necessarily felt attracted to Star in the same way he was to Jackie, but there was this intense feeling that only got even more intense as time went on, as they bonded by living together, going to school together, and going on adventures together. And Star probably felt it too. Why do I say this? By Party with a Pony, Star already thinks of Marco as her best friend, and the sentiment is mutual. From then on, as they become closer and closer, so do Marco’s feelings.

So why didn’t he say anything? And why did he still have a crush on Jackie?

First of all, Marco had crushed on Jackie since he was in preschool, maybe even younger, as we can see in Freeze Day. Being 14 and all, it was unlikely for Marco to suddenly accept the idea that he liked anyone other than Jackie. But here’s the thing, Marco liked the idea of Jackie, he didn’t actually know her,  as he himself admits in Sleepover. We can’t say, as of season 1, that he was in love with her. It’s easier to keep crushing on someone you don’t know because there’s nothing to lose. Marco could keep on just liking Jackie without any commitment or rejection.

Marco is deathly afraid of rejection. We have seen it numerous times. At the start of the series, Marco had low self-esteem and tried to be someone he wasn’t. He didn’t want to be known as the Safe Kid. He didn’t want to be known as this nerdy guy who never takes risks. He wanted to be a Misunderstood Bad Boy, which translates to being a daring guy who takes every risk, and that the girls as cool as Jackie fall head over heels for. That’s what Marco thought would get him the girl and take all of his problems away.

And who’s even cooler than Jackie?

Oh, I don’t know, maybe the magical princess from another dimension?

And Marco knows this, as he said in Cheer Up, Star

He also is very much aware of the fact that Star likes bad boys. She has a crush on Oskar, Mr. Skips-classes-to-play-the-keyboard and Guy with a Record. And Marco also knows all about Star’s ex demon boyfriend, Tom, as it’s made clear to us in Blood Moon Ball. These type of guys are cool, mysterious, dangerous and, yeah, hot. Guys so far removed from who Marco thought he was that he didn’t stand a single chance. Star did like the Misunderstood Bad Boy bit Marco tried to play. Because, back then Star was a rebel princess. She didn’t want to become queen and have responsibilities. She wanted to go on whacky adventures and live her life with zero attachments and commitments. Oskar, and even Tom before all his development, fell under this category. Marco didn’t. He never has. He’s always responsible and always worried about the future and the consequences of his actions. It’s not that he doesn’t let loose, but he knows when to and how to. Star didn’t back then, and she wanted a guy who was as rebellious as she was. If indeed, Marco had tried anything during the first season, he would’ve been ultimately rejected for these reasons... and he was, but I’ll talk about that later.

I’m not going to talk about every single interaction between Marco and Star, but just know that from the moment they fought together, they became closer and closer enough that Blood Moon Ball made a difference.

Honestly, when that episode aired I was surprised they had put in the minds of the audience the idea of romantic Starco. I had already known they would probably end up together, mainly because their crushes were untanaible and the kind you get before you actually mature and can fall in love for real. I just thought they would wait until the second season to explore that side of their relationship. But, nope, Daron Nefcy said “to heck with it” and boom! We had this episode. So, to dive into this, I could start with Tom and Star, but we’re not analyzing them. We’re analyzing Marco. So, to begin with, we’re made aware of the fact that Marco knew all about Star’s ex-boyfriend before Tom even made an appearance. I’m guessing that at some point they got around talking about their love lives, as teens will do, and Star vented about Tom. It hadn’t been that long since they broke up, or at least I got that idea from Lake House Fever. 

Anyway, when Marco first met Tom, he saw him and Star together in the parking lot, and he immediately attacked and put himself between them, in a protective manner. 

Then, when he finds out Tom wants to take Star to the Blood Moon Ball, he doesn’t want her to go with who he assumes to be a predator. And, throughout the episode, Marco does not want Star to go. I assumed before a certain scene when watching this episode for the first time, that he was just being protective of his friend. Friends don’t let friends go out with their exes, especially when they have hurt them. It’s not explicitly said, and I believe it also has to do with the way they turned Tom from abusive to an actually misunderstood guy with anger issues, but I always thought he had hurt Star a great deal by the way she refused to see him. However, Star liked bad boys, and was rebellious to a fault, so when Marco told her “hey, maybe this isn’t a good idea”, of course she wanted to go. And she went even if Marco didn’t want her to go. Up until this point, I wholeheartedly believed Marco was just a worried friend, he even says that he will have his own Blood Moon Ball in Star’s bedroom with blackjack and h**kers and then freaking Alphonse the Worthy says:

“Blood Moon tonight... The moon of lovers...”

That’s when Marco stands up and has the idea to go to the ball to save Star.

Now, again, that could have been misunderstood as the actions of a worried friend fearing their friend was about to go back to their ex. And yes, to an extent that is true of Marco. But listen closely to Alphonse’s lines, and you’ll notice there is an emphasis on the word lovers. It wasn’t put there as a mistake. That, paired up with Marco’s immediate reaction, leads me to think he was also acting as a guy about to lose the girl he likes. He was jealous of Tom. Of the fact he got to spend time with Star at the ball, but knowing that it was meant to be an incredibly romantic event, as the word lovers suggest, was the last straw. He didn’t go to stop the Blood Moon from happening, Marco didn’t even know that it’d bind the souls of two lucky souls together. He went there to get Star.

Although the beginning of the dance was incredibly romantic, I believe that Marco’s actions of wanting to get Star out of there speak more than the dance itself. Even after the dancing and escaping Tom, Marco believes he did the right thing and even goes as far as to say “I hate to say it but I warned you about Tom.” All of his actions don’t really speak of just a worried friend. A worried friend would have tried to stop her, but, ultimately, let her do what she wanted. Marco didn’t do that. He reacted to the word lovers and flipped. It wasn’t a coincidence. But what cements this argument the most is that, when Star explains why she’s mad at him, she says the following:

“I know you’re trying to look out for me, but you have to let me figure things out on my own. I don’t need a hero. I need a friend.”

A hero is the person who saves a damsel in distress and, normally, gets with her in the end. Star didn’t want to be saved. But, knowingly or unknowingly, she also shut down any possibility of romance between her and Marco. Because what she needed back then was for Marco to be her friend and nothing more. And Marco has a dawning realization during this scene, you can see it on his face:

So that’s what Marco chooses to be, Star’s friend:

However, the episode ends with the note of “but maybe they could be more” with the final scenes, not only showing that the Blood Moon has, indeed, bonded them together, but that their relationship is what is important:

I never, not even for one second, thought it was suppossed to be a curse. Just a traditional soul mates take on a pairing, as it’s been done before. In fact, by the way it barely even appeared in seasons 2 and 3, I don’t think it was that much of a curse, but they had to make it a curse and retcon it so that Starco seemed more legit to the audience, because they probably knew the fandom had begun calling it a curse, and the more they dragged out Tomstar, the more Starco seemed to be invalidated by the fans. I could go on and on about CotBM but I’ve done my ranting before. But this explains why I was not even surprised when Star said:

“What if it was never the Blood Moon?”

Because of course it was never the Blood Moon. The two of them already had feelings for each other. Star’s feelings for Marco are more hidden in the first season, and are mostly found on her diary entry “My thoughts on Marco.” But now we know that Marco started feeling something for Star back when they fought together with Ludo on the first episode, and that Marco went after her on BMB because the feeling got more intense and he was jealous. The Blood Moon chose them because they had feelings for each other, and not to force them to fall in love. They already liked each other, it was a matter of time before they actually fell in love. That’s why Marco says the whole ordeal is bologna, because it is. It had no real influence on his feelings for Star, because it didn’t start them. We can argue they intensified them, but that’s confusing because there were only like two instances in which we can say “yeah, definitely his actions were being intensified” and those were on Booth Buddies when he and Star kissed, and CotBM, at the beginning when he’s crying to Eclipsa about how adorable Star is. I also don’t believe he went back to Mewni solely because of the curse, but I’ll talk about that later.

This also explains why when they broke the curse with the severing stone, their feelings didn’t stop, because I’m going to argue there is no one memory of the moment they fell in love. Marco, and most likely Star too, developed an intense feeling after fighting Ludo and during that hug, but Marco says that, though he felt something from the start, it just got intense from then on. In another post after CotBM I said that, in reality, there’s never a moment that makes you fall in love with someone. It’s the little moments you share together that make you fall in love with someone. The Blood Moon Ball wasn’t the moment they fell in love, it was just one of the many instances in which their feelings started growing for each other. I’m going to go ahead and say that the decisive moment for both of them was Storm the Castle. That episode was the game changer not only plot-wise but in their relationship. Their hug at the end was the longest that season, and it’s one of their most important ones.

Resuming the events of BMB, after Star told him she needed a friend, Marco did an amazing job repressing his feelings and just being the best friend he could be. We weren’t shown Marco feeling anything romantic for the rest of that season, and even the first half of season 2. He acted like a friend to Star and he fooled not only the audience, but he also fooled himself. And it’s not like the two didn’t share very important moments together, they did!, but they could be interpreted as purely platonic. And you’d be alright with that assessment. Marco continued crushing on Jackie and Star on Oskar. The status quo wasn’t broken. 

Of course this couldn’t last forever, which is something we’ll be tackling on the next part of this analysis.

I hope you have enjoyed this read so far. As it is getting extremely long, let us stop here right before season 2, and I’ll be continuing in another post. If you have any questions and comments, feel free to ask, my inbox is always opened. 

If you disagree with anything I’ve said or you have something to add during the first season, also feel free to tell. 

I will not, however, accept any curse words and hate in general. I am not claiming you all should like Starco or like the ending for that matter. I am just trying to explain the fact that his feelings did not come out of nowhere. The writing in this show has not always been the best, but the writers are professionals, so let us give them the fact that a lot of the show was foreshadowed in season 1, including Starco.

Anyway, this is it from now. 

I’ll see you guys again in Part 2.

[iamanartichoke]

I am posting this mostly to get it off my chest, and I'll probably regret it, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I think the biggest problem I have with Fandom Wank(tm) in regards to positivity or negativity, is what bothers me has literally nothing to do with whether one's positivity/negativity will turn out to be right.

last night I followed a couple of posts and went down a rabbit hole of "series negativity" bashers' posts, bc apparently I hate myself and do not wish to be in a good mental space right now, and the common thread I noticed is that those who are overwhelmingly positive and take issue with criticism seem to be doing so bc they see their own versions of Loki being portrayed on-screen, either as how they've interpreted him as a character in generral or as how they've written him in fics. And not only are they fiercely protective of those versions but they also get validation from the confirmation that their Loki is The Right Loki(tm). Criticism takes the on-screen portrayal (and, subsequently, their own personal versions of The Right Loki(tm)) and says, uh, I can't actually see Loki doing this? I think this is ooc? I think Loki as portrayed here is not consistent with previous portrayals? -

- and suddenly you've got this rabid backlash on your hands where it becomes 'omg stop being toxic,' 'your headcanon is not canon' (look in the mirror), 'this is tom's loki so it's accurate,' 'i see no difference whatsoever in characterization y'all're just deluded and have invented a loki that never existed' (tf????), etc.

And I can't help but conclude that the backlash against criticism/negativity has nothing to do with the criticism itself; it's more to do with the undermining of someone else's validation in how they view this character.

This is purely speculation. There's some mental gymnastics here, admittedly. I could be way off base and I realize that I risk my post being shared and misconstrued and mocked by even posting it publicly. But the only reason I'm writing this - and thus getting it off my chest after my spiral down the rabbit hole - is bc from my point of view, I didn't feel like my experience in enjoying this tv show was being threatened until the discourse backlash over the negativity started spilling onto my dash. Not the negativity itself; the actual discourse. (And, look, there's a lot of negativity that's been posted that I don't agree with whatsoever, and there's other negativity that I may agree with but don't agree that it's an issue, or - my point is, this isn't bc I don't have conflict with the actual arguments themselves.)

Full disclosure: for the first three weeks, I was more positive than not regarding the show. (I think I still am.) I posted about what I liked but I also posted about what I felt was ooc and about the elements I liked less. A lot of my mutuals are not thrilled (to say the least) with the show, so there was already a ton of negativity on my dash and I personally went through a few minor meltdowns on whether or not I was on the right page with my enjoyment when so many others (whose opinions I trust and whose versions of Loki [that I've read] in fic ring true to me) were not sharing that enjoyment.

I did/have been talking it out with friends who feel similarly and I've more or less come to terms with being in the middle. And in the meantime, when I felt like the negativity was not something I wanted to be cognizant of, I skipped those posts entirely. Doing these things allowed me to come to terms with where I was standing regarding my overall feelings on the series, and overall enjoyment with my fandom experience.

And then, mostly after episode 3 (which seems to be the most divisive so far), discourse started popping up on my dash more and more. I'm defining discourse, in this context, as 'wank regarding whether or not Loki is actually ooc, wank over people who enjoy the show not wanting to see the negativity, wanky posts asking people who are critical to reserve judgement until the show has finished airing (but praise is fine)' -

- and suddenly, I feel much more self-conscious about posting my takes. Suddenly I feel much more anxiety about hitting the "post" button when said post is more critical than not. Suddenly I am worried about who, exactly and actually, is reading my posts? Who is going to decide to paraphrase my takes and include them in a 'guess what they're complaining about NOW' post? Who is going to decide to pass around a post I've made only to mock it, as has happened to some of my friends already?

Over the past three days, I have gotten 30+ new followers, and instead of feeling good about it - hey, some of these may be porn bots but still, people are interested in my blog?! - I feel just increasing anxiety about it bc, I mean, I don't know who anyone is or what they're here for.

I do not feel secure in the current fandom environment, is what I'm saying, and the reason I do not feel secure is not because of the negativity; it's because of the wank coming from the people who post about the negativity and mock the negativity and call other fans deluded stans who have a shitty grasp on characterization, story telling, and Loki in general. It's Ragnarok bullshit all over again, only worse.

And this circles me back to my original point, which is that the anxiety and the wank/discourse and whatever else really has nothing to do with the on-screen portrayal of Loki.

For me, personally? It took me awhile to realize it, admittedly, but I did realize that I do not care if what I perceive as ooc actually isn't. I do not care if the final product of Loki - once the entire series has aired - is a different Loki than what I've written and perceived as "my" Loki all this time. It's not going to make me feel like less of a fan or less valid; it's just going to make me feel like I have a perception of Loki that may differ in some ways with "canon Loki" but is still similar enough that I will continue to enjoy engaging with him and writing meta about him and writing fic about him and sharing those things with people who view Loki similarly. Likewise, I am not going to feel less valid as a writer and a critical thinker; it doesn't make me feel like I have anything to prove.

So if the root of the wank is coming down to the negativity making you feel less valid or less vindicated bc "your" Loki matches the show but is being called ooc by a lot of other fans, like, maybe take a step back and consider not taking it personally? Maybe really think about why the fact that negativity exists bothers you so much? Bc I mean, at the end of the day, it's not like Tom Hiddleston himself is going to descend from the clouds with a choir of angels singing and acknowledge any one of us as The One True Fan Who Has The Best Interpretation Ever of Loki. So what actual difference does it make if (we agree or disagree that) he's ooc or not?

Ultimately I'm just saying, there is definitely wank that is ruining the fandom atmosphere and the show in general, and it's not coming from those who are posting their negativity and criticism of the source material.

*Disclaimer that this is how I am perceiving and interpreting things today and possibly in general, but I'm not necessarily saying that my perception is factual to what is actually happening. I don't know what is happening. This is the guess that I've come up with in order to reconcile the fandom discomfort I feel, discomfort which is ruining the show for me, and where it's all coming from.

** Second disclaimer that I have unfollowed those who were participating in the wank, if I was following them in the first place, to the point that it made me uncomfortable, and obviously this post doesn't apply to everyone bc there is a certain amount of just being tired of it that I understand, so if we're mutuals, this doesn't apply to you regardless of where you stand on the wank.

*** Third disclaimer that said fandom environment is what makes me feel like I have to add disclaimers on every fucking thing I say, partly bc people read what they want to read and partly bc I have very debilitating anxiety regarding being misunderstood.

[type2diabetestreatments-blog]

Losing Faith in a Cure

New Post has been published on http://type2diabetestreatment.net/diabetes-mellitus/losing-faith-in-a-cure/

Losing Faith in a Cure

Editor's Note: Allison Blass, my new assistant editor, was moved by what she heard and saw at the JDRF Research Summit last weekend and what she read thereafter. But maybe not in the way you'd think...

I remember when I stopped believing that I would see a cure for diabetes.

It was a spring afternoon when I was in college. I was sitting on the back deck of this coffee shop I frequented. It was a covered deck, you see, and so you could enjoy the somewhat warm weather of an Oregon spring day without risking being in the wrong place at the wrong time when a raincloud passed over campus. I could sit there for hours, drink coffee, chat with my friends, pretend to study. It was on one of these days that I was sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair, glued to the pages of James Hirsch's Cheating Destiny. I actually don't have a copy of the book with me (it's safely tucked away in storage), but what I do remember is reading about his discussions with researchers and how he learned just how complicated diabetes is, and just how much researchers felt they didn't understand. Tears began streaming down my face. In those moments, the cure shifted from a tangible dream to a distant hope.

Losing faith in something you've believed for so long is traumatic. There is utter shock. Complete disbelief. You argue that it couldn't possibly be true and you present a laundry list of perfectly logical reasons why this cannot be so. The people delivering this horrid news are people you are supposed to trust, and they have taken something precious away from you. There is some anger at being fooled for so long, and then a resignation, and a hollowness. A void you're unsure how to fill. What is my motivation?

Earlier this week, I read the diaTribe's interview with Jeffrey Brewer, the president and CEO of the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, an organization that I have raised several thousand dollars for over the last 17 years. I had also attended a JDRF Research Summit over the weekend, where the most exciting breakthroughs, it seemed, were coming from the artificial pancreas. A tool. Another tool. At first, I merely skimmed Jeffrey's interview with Kelly Close and Co. I didn't really give much thought to it.

Then I saw this thread on Tom Karlya's Facebook wall. Isn't Facebook where the most interesting debates are happening these days? I knew Tom worked for a competing organization, the Diabetes Research Institute, and so I was curious to see what he had to say, but he said nothing. He merely opened up the conversation. Many parents were angry with this article. Many of them were upset that JDRF was moving away from the "cure" and that they were going to be more focused on adults and technologies for living with diabetes. No more priority on the cure? You might as well have told them that JDRF was disbanding and that all the remaining money was being funneled into scholarships for clown college.

At first, I was confused. I didn't understand how people could be so upset with JDRF's decision. Well, that's not entirely true. I know a lot of people who don't like the things JDRF does, and sometimes I get it and other times I think they're making a big deal out of nothing. But these people seemed to have at least some respect for JDRF. So why the sudden change? Mostly it because Mr. Brewer said this:

"The first very big transition is we're moving away from the over reliance on the cure as the central part of our message and funding."

Of course, he quickly followed up with: "This does not mean JDRF is any less committed in its focus to find a cure, but we have some work to do in order to get there. And in the meantime, there are many people who will live with diabetes for a relatively long period of time. We have a responsibility and an opportunity to help them live better, healthier, longer, and less stressful lives. And so one of the big changes that we're undergoing is focusing on improving the lives of people living with diabetes on a day-to-day basis."

Several parents on forums that I've read have said that JDRF's mission was always for a "cure." And they're right. That is always what they said. But you want to know something? Things change! In the decades since JDRF was founded and that mission statement was created, we have learned more and more about how diabetes works. One thing we have also discovered is just how much we don't know. We've learned just how damn complicated and unwieldy this disease can be. When information is learned, goals are modified. New strategies and tactics are implemented. The cure has not been erased from ambitions, but there have been additions made. Some people might think that the cure is getting farther and farther out of grasp. The truth is that it has always been far from our reach. The problem was that we had no idea how far. We didn't even have the map! Now we're starting to plod along and get our bearings. So yes, the cure is very far away because now we know just how far we have to go.

One father told me that if a cure is found, then all the money spent on new technology will have been completely wasted. He might be right. If I had a crystal ball, I could know for sure which direction to go. But I don't. None of us knows when a cure is coming. None of us knows what future lies in front of us. No researcher should ever promise a deadline, because they have been wrong time and again. I don't know if you should exclusively fund raise for JDRF. Or if you should only fund raise for DRI or Faustman or Joslin or whomever. I don't know who has the answer. Personally, I try to give as much money as I can to as many organizations as I can. If you don't like the idea of giving your money to an organization that isn't fully dedicated to finding a cure, that's fine. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But I will add that not everyone has the same confidence as you. You can count yourself among the lucky.

What I do know is that I want to play with my children someday without having to be the one to stop and get a juice box. What I want is for my fiancé to not worry about whether or not I will wake up in the morning. What I want is for my eyes to stay clear and my heart to beat strong and my legs to carry me to the far reaches of the world. Some may say that technology is "good enough" now, but do you really want to stay exactly as we are today? Are you really satisfied with the accuracy of your glucose meter, of your continuous glucose monitor? Are you really satisfied with the functionality of your insulin pump? Are you really OK with spiking after breakfast? Are you really fine with wondering if your body will wake you up when your BG is too low or if you will sleep through your CGM alarm? Wouldn't it be nice if there were just a few more improvements to our lives?

I know that all this technology will, at the end of the day, benefit Big Pharma. And I get that they may be seen as "evil" because they make money off of us being sick. But I don't really see another way around it. I wish I knew why JDRF has to give money to Pharma in order to get them to do things for us patients, but apparently that's how it works. Maybe someone can leave a comment and explain it. What I do know is that Big Pharma, so far, has saved my life. Yes, they make a profit off it and yes, the whole price thing and insurance thing and healthcare reform thing suck (but that's another story) and yes, they are a little slow on the uptake when it comes to changes they need to make to their products (I'm looking at you, Minimed). But they are the ones who make what we need to stay alive. Without them, we're sunk. And no, I don't believe they are trying to keep a cure from us, because seriously...? A cure is not coming for free. Someone will be making a pretty penny off whatever they come up with.

Listen, I get it. You're a parent. Your No. 1 concern is to end the suffering of your child. If I were a mother of a child with diabetes, I would probably feel the exact same way. It is heartbreaking to watch a child having to prick their finger or wear an insulin pump that's as big as their head. Nevertheless, not all of us have the same faith as you. Some of us just can't believe that a cure is around the corner. We try. Trust me, we try. There are moments of anger and frustration and I just want to scream and throw my glucose meter against the wall so hard that it shatters. Sometimes I dream about the day that I won't have diabetes anymore, when the only reason I go onto Twitter is to talk about the latest Hollywood blockbuster or find out what's happening in the world. I dream about not rolling over onto my insulin pump when I'm doing crunches at the gym. I pray that my children will never, ever have to save me.

But I just don't think that day will come in my lifetime. And to the people who agree with me, the people who say, "I don't know if I believe anymore either," then at least we know someone understands. I want a cure so badly it hurts, but I also know that I may never see it. The weight of diabetes, the weight of doing this on my own, everyday, forever, is almost more than I can bear sometimes. I don't want to do this anymore. I need help. I don't know what that help will look like. But if that's in the automation of an artificial pancreas or a pill that I take everyday to jumpstart my beta cells or something else entirely, then I fully support it.

I want a cure and a better life today. The two do not have to be mutually exclusive.

Disclaimer: Content created by the Diabetes Mine team. For more details click here.

Disclaimer

This content is created for Diabetes Mine, a consumer health blog focused on the diabetes community. The content is not medically reviewed and doesn't adhere to Healthline's editorial guidelines. For more information about Healthline's partnership with Diabetes Mine, please click here.

Type 2 Diabetes Treatment Type 2 Diabetes Diet Diabetes Destroyer Reviews Original Article

[petersasteria]

Can’t Go Back (2) - H. Osterfield

DISCLAIMER:  *This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.*

Summary: Harrison is getting married to a different girl and Tom isn’t happy about it.

Pairing: Haz x Reader

Requested? Nah my dudes

Italicized words are flashbacks

Masterlist / 1 / 2

* * * *

Tom finds himself walking around the halls of the busy hospital in hopes to find the only person he wants to see, Y/N. He doesn’t care about the weird glances people have been giving him. All he wants to do is find her.

“She could be in one of the rooms, you fucking div.” Tom tells himself, shaking his head in frustration. He turns to a corner and bumps into someone causing them to drop their clipboard.

Tom immediately picks it up and says, “I’m so sor-” He looks up and he couldn’t believe his eyes. Y/N is standing right in front of him.

‘Wow’, he thinks.

Y/N is standing in front of him looking beautiful as ever. He hasn’t seen her for such a long time. After she and Harrison broke up, she cut all contact with them. It hurt everyone, but it hurt Tom the most, because they’ve known each other before all of Tom’s fame skyrocketed.

“Hey, stranger.” Y/N says softly with a small smile on her face. “Didn’t think I’d see you here.”

‘Hey, stranger’ is and always will be Tom and Y/N’s thing. It all started when they were 12 years old.

Y/N and her family just moved in the neighborhood. Y/N’s the youngest in the family. Two of her older siblings are at university, her father owns a law firm, and her mother is a businesswoman. It’s safe to say that Y/N comes from a very wealthy family.

One day when Y/N was playing on their backyard when a ball comes flying over the fence. The ball knocks over a plant, interrupting little Y/N’s painting session.

“Dammit!” a boy’s voice says. Y/N turns to where the voice came from and sees a boy about her age looking over at her backyard.

“Hey, stranger!” the boy shouts. “Would you mind getting that ball for me, please?”

“You knocked over my plant!” Y/N frowns. “Clean it up and I’ll give you back your ball.”

“What if I don’t want to?” the boy smirks.

“Then you won’t get your ball back.” Y/N crosses her arms with a sly smile on her face. The boy sighs and finally agrees. He climbs over the fence, leaving Y/N shocked. She’s never met anyone who could climb over a fence like that.

The boy walks over to where the plant is and picks up the broken pieces of the pot that used to hold the plant. The plant that used to be in the pot is now scattered on the grass.

“Well don’t just stand there, stranger. Get something that could hold your plant, because the pot is broken.” the boy says, playfully rolling his eyes.

“Oh, right!” Y/N says before running inside her house to find something to put the plant in. She comes back after a few seconds with a small paper bag in her hand. She hands it to the boy, whose name she didn’t know yet. To be fair, he didn’t know her either.

“Really? A paper bag?” the boy scoffs.

“Yeah. It used to hold one donut from Krispy Kreme.” she says honestly. The boy shakes his head and puts the plant inside it.

“There, I fixed the mess. Now,” the boy stands up and looks at her, “may I PLEASE have my ball back?”

“Yes, you may.” Y/N went to where the ball was, picked it up, walked back to the boy, and handed it to him.

The boy thanked her before throwing the ball back over the fence and climbing over it.

Y/N didn’t see the boy again until she went to school. Turns out, they have the same classes and soon became best friends. They finally learned each other’s names and they’ve been best friends ever since.

“I missed you, stranger.” Tom smiles, pulling his best friend into a hug. Y/N returned the hug and they stayed like that for a minute. They pulled away at the same time and Tom asks, “Are you free right now?”

Y/N smiles and nods, “You’re just on time, actually. I’m on break.”

*

“So, how’s everyone?” Y/N asks, taking a bite of her food.

“Harry’s doing well in photography and he’s always with me, dad has a new book, mum is out of town with Paddy, Sam is still the same, and Tessa is well.” Tom answers.

Y/N nods and asks, “How about Haz? How is he?”

“He’s, uh, he’s getting married.” Tom bites his lip.

“Oh. Really? That’s good! Good for him.” Y/N smiles. “Why do you look so against it, though?”

“I don’t like her for him, okay?? It’s why I came to see you. Maybe you could stop the wedding, so you and Haz can get back together! It’ll be the perfect plan! He’s going to realize that he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with Betty as soon as he sees you! Then, he’ll call off the wedding and...” Tom rambles excitedly.

“Tom,” Y/N interrupts, but Tom just rambles.

“You guys will be together again! That’ll be exciting!”

“Tom.”

“Then everyone can hang out again without feeling awkward and stuff and-”

“TOM, I’M ENGAGED TOO.” Y/N says loud enough for Tom to hear and loud enough for him to stop rambling.

“W-What? Are you messing with me right now?” Tom quietly says.

“I wish I were, but I’m not. See?” Y/N shows him her engagement ring that must’ve cost a lot.

“Oh. I didn’t know you had someone new.” Tom says, feeling very embarrassed, but he hid that embarrassment, of course.

He hid it very well.

“Lucky for you, you won’t stop the wedding.”

“What? You literally just said that you want me to be there to stop the wedding and-”

“I was kidding, Y/N.” Tom chuckles, pretending to play it off as a joke he made up.

“Oh,” Y/N laughs, “for a second there I thought it was real.”

‘Oh, but it was.’ Tom thinks.

“Then, why are you here for?” Y/N asks.

“I’m actually here to ask you to be my plus one at Haz’s wedding. I don’t want to be a third wheel y’know and I want my plus one to be someone I’m close with.” Tom says as he makes up a cover story on the spot.

“E-mail me the details and I’ll get back to you on that. But I do want to be your plus one. I think it’ll be fun!” Y/N smiles, checking her watch. “Looks like I need to go.”

Y/N pulls out a few pounds from her wallet and puts it on the table. “Since you came all the way here just to ask me to be your plus one, the least I could do is pay for our lunch.” 

Before Tom could protest, Y/N asks for the bill and pays for the food as soon as she got it.

“Keep the change.” Y/N tells the waiter. She looks at Tom and says, “I have to go. Tell the guys I said ‘hi’, okay? I can’t wait to see them!” Y/N gets up to leave, “I changed my number. Here’s my calling card.”

She gives him her calling card, “Text me.” Without another word, she leaves the restaurant.

“I’m so fucked.” Tom says to himself, before leaving the restaurant.

* * * *

-not proofread-

this has been overdue bc school works are a pain in the ass

big thanks to @myblueleatherbag for helping me with this mini series!

Tagging my mutuals: @sweetdespairbarnes @fanficparker @lcvelyparkers @tommysparker