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trilliastra · 3 years

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[*drops a sterek fic after two years and runs away to hide*]

It’s all Cora’s fault and Derek will remain of the opinion that his life only went downhill the moment his little sister was born.

It starts with Sara, his sister’s friend, whose boyfriend turned out to be a jerk and would not let her inside his apartment to collect her things unless she took him back. And Cora volunteered Derek to help.

Derek didn’t really mind it at first, Sara only needed a guy to look strong (which he is), angry (which he was) and able to carry her stuff from place a to place b (which he did). But some weeks later Sara met a friend with an equally stupid boyfriend and said friend had another friend and then Laura heard about it and it suddenly became a thing.

Georgia, Nelly, Carmen, Lola.

Isaac.

“I could help, you know?” Derek had said after the fifth time he noticed the blossoming purple bruises on the back of Isaac’s neck, his scrapped knuckles. “If you need to get rid of your –” he lowered his voice, “boyfriend.”

Isaac had looked at him, wide eyed, before he confessed he isn’t gay and the problem was actually his dad. “Oh,” Derek had said, thinking for a moment before adding, “I could help with that, too.”

Turns out Derek’s intimidation skills were lacking when compared to his own father’s.

“You’re doing a really nice thing, Derek.” Isaac says one night, helping him with his hand. Asshole boyfriend of the night thought he could bag a few punches before letting Phill grab his laptop back. Derek was faster, and stronger.

Isaac moved in with him and Boyd two weeks after his dad was sentenced. He didn’t want to, at first, was still incredibly shy and scared of everything, including Derek, but he opened up to Boyd pretty quickly. Despite his built (and the fact he can bench press three times his own weight), Boyd is the softest person Derek has ever met.

“Sure.” Derek sighs.

“But?” He asks and Derek sighs again, looks away when Boyd walks into the room.

“I had a date.” Derek confesses and Boyd whistles in sympathy.

“How many times has it been, again?”

“Three.” Derek winces when Isaac presses the antiseptic over the cut. “I’m – I really like him.”

“You could just tell him.” Isaac says. “He’s a cool guy, I guess.” He shrugs, smiling. “Sometimes he’s an asshole. But not in a bad way.”

Derek huffs out a laugh. “Yeah.”

Stiles is an asshole, he likes teasing Derek when they are discussing ethics in the workplace and every way capitalism is stepping over immigrants, they banter and they quote books back and forth and while some people (his sisters) roll their eyes when Derek brings up some history fact, Stiles nods along, brings up another history fact that Derek didn’t know (or sometimes pretends not to know, just to hear Stiles talking about it), hands moving around as he explains his point or badmouths a historic figure that owned so much money ‘their great-great-grandkids are still swimming in the gold they stole from the natives’.

Derek is in love.

“What did you tell him this time?” Boyd asks, munching on his chips. He shakes the bag in front of them and while Derek takes a couple, Isaac shakes his head, still not used to being allowed good things.

Some memories are hard to forget.

“That my mom had stopped by to visit.” Derek says. He hates lying, he is not even good at it. The first time he tried to tell Stiles he looked like a wet cat after he got caught up in the rain, white shirt sticking to his chest, Derek’s cheeks had gotten so red, Stiles asked him if he was okay.

“Dude.” Isaac says, shaking his head in disappointment as he finishes bandaging Derek’s hand.

“I know.” Derek gives back, collapsing on his bed with a groan.

This is all Cora’s fault.

Okay. Stiles texts back when Derek has to postpone their date again. Derek can feel the disappointment through the message, mirroring his own feelings.

How about tomorrow night? Derek tries, stares at his phone for minutes until he realizes Stiles probably won’t text him back.

“Please.” Maria says, holding her cat with a bright smile as they talk in front of a coffee shop. She is trying to convince him to accept a coffee and Derek is trying to convince her he doesn’t need it. “How can I thank you?”

Derek sighs. “I didn’t do anything.” And it is true, her boyfriend wasn’t working when they arrived at the coffee shop and when they opened the door of the apartment upstairs, it was empty save for the cat that Maria is currently hugging.

“You were there for me.” She smiles, tucking her hair behind her ear and Derek already knows what’s coming.

It’s not the first time, probably won’t be the last. He has been invited for ‘thank you’ coffees, dinners, sex. It never felt right, though. Not with the guys, and especially not with the girls.

Sorry. He always says. Some of them are attractive, he supposes, but he was, and still is, very much gay.

“I’m—” he starts, but Maria’s eyes widen and when Derek turns around, a guy is stalking towards them, eyebrows furrowed in anger.

“You bitch!” He shouts, startling most of the costumers inside and the shop and the people walking around the street. “What are you doing?”

“Taking my cat back!” She yells back and Derek steps closer, eyeing the guy’s fists as he starts to shake with anger.

The guy notices his move and turns his glare to him. “And who the fuck are you?”

Before Derek can answer, Maria chimes in. “My boyfriend.”

“What the fuck?” It takes Derek a second to realize the words didn’t come from him, but from someone in the crowd, one of the onlookers that gathered around them to watch the scene unfold.

Two seconds after that, Derek realizes the person talking was Stiles.

That explains a lot. It’s the last message Stiles sends him before blocking his number.

Derek tries to call, talk to him after class, but his friends keep him away, Lydia going as far as brandishing a can of pepper spray in front of him, eyes shining with an unspoken threat.

“You should follow him to his dorm.” Isaac offers, weakly.

“Creeps do that.” Derek says. “I don’t want to be more of an asshole than I already am.”

“You’re not an asshole.” Isaac says, clasping his shoulder in sympathy. “I could – talk to him? If you want?” The offer makes Derek smile, touched. Isaac is still extremely shy in front of strangers, but just the fact that he considered doing it for him is enough.

“It’s fine.” Derek says. It isn’t fine, and they both know it, but he will pull through. Eventually. “It wasn’t meant to be.”

It’s harder that Derek anticipated, seeing Stiles during classes and not being able to talk to him, to tease him when Mrs. Schilder glares at him for using a pun that makes the entire room burst out laughing from second-hand embarrassment.

He is beautiful, Derek thinks at least ten times a day, and smart and kind and funny and Derek could see them being together for a long time, falling deeper in love as the time passes.

He should be used to not having good things. He grew up as a middle child, as a gay teenager in a small town where some boys were so far deep in the closet, they couldn’t find their way out, he should be used to not keeping the things he likes.

So why does it hurt so much?

“Derek—”

“No.”

“She needs—”

“Call someone else.”

“You are really going to leave her—”

Derek slams his book shut, kicks his chair back as he stands up. Cora’s eyes widen when someone tells him to be quiet and Derek simply ignores them. “I need to study for a test. Call someone else.”

Helping someone should feel good, it should make him happy, not feel like a burden. He is more than an angry guy with a strong body. He doesn’t even like confrontation. He started working out to burn his energy, to let out some of this anger that he’s been constantly carrying inside and he kept working out because he enjoyed it and now – now even that is ruined.

“Why are you being so selfish?” She asks and Derek knows, deep inside, that she doesn’t mean it like that, that she’s just as angry as him, humiliated by the fact he’s calling her out in the middle of the library. Still, that doesn’t matter now. Now, Derek is angry and sad and done.

“Fuck you.” He says and walks away.

His initial plan was to make it to his apartment, bury himself under the covers and not leave his room until his mother comes to give him an earful. Because she will, undoubtedly, when Cora tells her about it.

But Derek doesn’t make it to his apartment, he doesn’t even make it outside the library, simply makes a u-turn and heads for the dark zone, a space under the stairs leading to the storeroom where couples usually go to make out. There, he collapses on the ground, taking deep breaths, and buries his face in his hands.

This has been a long time coming, he thinks. He’s been on the edge for a while. This entire experience has made him remember how awful it was to pretend to be someone he wasn’t, to be only liked for his body or for his ability to pass the answers to the test without the teacher seeing him.

Some memories are hard to forget.

“Are you okay?” Derek flinches, surprised to hear Stiles’ voice. “Oh,” Stiles whispers, noticing Derek’s red eyes, the tears streaming down his face, “bad day, huh?”

“She was not my girlfriend.” Derek blurts out, head a mess of emotions: fear, anger, loneliness, regret.

“Dude,” Stiles frowns, confused, “I know Cora is your sister.”

“No.” Derek shakes his head, frantic. “The other day, at the coffee shop. I was helping her with her ex-boyfriend, I do that sometimes. He— he was an asshole and she needed help getting her cat back and I look strong and I know how to –”

“Woah, woah, slow down.” Stiles raises his hands, alarmed, and Derek realizes his own hands are shaking and he can’t breathe. “In and out,” Stiles whispers, “can I—can I touch you?”

Derek shakes his head, focusing on his breath. Panic attack, he remembers, suffocating. No touching. “Okay,” Stiles agrees, easily, “should I keep talking?” Derek shakes his head again, keeps his eyes on his hands. Talking is too much, listening is too much, breathing is too much. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No.” Derek manages to gasp. He doesn’t want to be alone.

Stiles nods, leans against the wall next to Derek and starts fiddling with his shoelaces, twirling them around wordlessly. Derek doesn’t know how much time it passes, but he keeps watching Stiles’ fingers moving distractedly, patiently waiting for him. With him.

“I’m sorry.” Derek manages to say, eventually.

Stiles sighs. “I know.” He closes his own eyes before turning to Derek. “You don’t have to explain.”

“I—” Derek swallows heavily, “have to.” He answers, before shaking his head. No, that doesn’t sound right, “no, I—I want to.”

They leave the library together, Stiles standing up first and offering his hand to help Derek up. Stiles doesn’t let go as they walk towards Derek’s apartment, squeezes his hand from time to time as Derek tells him about everything.

“You could have told me.” Stiles notes.

“I don’t know why I didn’t.” Derek confesses. “I guess I didn’t want you to see me as that guy too. Beefy Derek.” He laughs, humorless. “That’s the nickname my sister came up with a few months ago.”

Stiles groans, stops walking, forcing Derek to stop as well. “You are so much more than that.” He assures, touching Derek’s face softly though his eyes shine with certainty. “I love your brain, your cute jokes, the fact that you get my stupid history facts because you like history just as much as I do, and especially the way you care so much. College, people, the world.” He pulls him in for a quick, assertive kiss, and Derek immediately feels so light he could fly. But he won’t, because Stiles is keeping him grounded by the softest touch, the smallest smile.

“Cute jokes?” He manages to ask, arching an eyebrow. When Stiles laughs, he smiles.

“They are.” He insists.

“Okay.” Derek accepts the words easily, because everything seems easy when it comes to Stiles. “If I ask you out on a new date,” he says, “will Lydia pepper spray me?”

“I will stop her.” Stiles reassures, squeezing his hand again. “But before,” he adds and Derek feels his stomach turning with anticipation, “you have to know that I kind of hate your sister right now.”

“Oh.” Derek says. “Okay, I can—I can see that.”

“I’m sorry.” Stiles says, though he doesn’t sound sorry at all.

“Me too.” Derek agrees.

When Derek tells him about Cora’s apology and the earful his sister got from their mom, Stiles excuses himself to go laugh in the bathroom while Derek shrugs and goes back to eating his share of the pizza.

By the time they get married, Stiles and Cora have become best friends. Derek hates it (he doesn’t).

#sterek #eternalsterek #teen wolf #my fic #HELLO GUESS WHO'S BACK WITH A STEREK FIC #IT ME #surprised? me too

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hadtochangemyurlquick · 3 years

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can u write more leachel please

no but i can fuck ur bitch

Leah’s first public reading was not packed. Of course, the seven of them all filed into front row seats and of course her parents, grandparents, Ian, and most of her teachers were scattered throughout the audience. Even Emily, her friend from middle school who she hadn’t really talked to since she went to private school, showed up. It was a sweet gesture but beyond the people who knew Leah personally, only around fifty or so were actual fans. It was fine and Leah did an amazing talk and afterwards Rachel slapped her hand against her thigh, wishing she could actually clap.

Leah’s tenth public reading was standing room only.

The National book festival was held once a year in DC and while there were two panels Leah was put on, they also asked her to do her own talk because she had a new book coming out. It’d been called by the New York Times book review “the most anticipated book of the year!” And Rachel had only been allowed to read the first draft of the first chapter, which was slightly killing her. But her girlfriend had a process, even if that process was to solely talk to Nora about it. Nora and sometimes Toni.

When Leah walked onto the slightly raised platform the entire room erupted into applause. It was a standing ovation and Leah looked beautiful and also incredibly embarrassed. Her eyes found Rachel’s immediately and they were so fucking intense, Rachel just wanted her to keep looking at her forever. Forever and a half.

“Wow,” Leah began when she reached her microphone. “I haven’t even said anything yet.” There was laughter, more cheers, gradually people sat down. “Thank you all for coming, I know there’s some pretty amazing panels going on right now. There’s still time to go to Roxanne Gay’s talk, it’s a few rooms down.”

More laughter, more cheers, a “We love you Leah Rilke!”

Rachel shook her head, smiling. Leah could pretend all she wanted, but Rachel saw what was happening. The entire world was slowly coming to life under her touch. The English language was being shaped to fit Leah Rilke.

Every think piece, ever op-ed, every review, mentioned the words Leah Rilke somewhere in there. Every teenage girl was talking about her like they’d talk about the Bible. TV studios and movie execs sat in rooms and discussed about how they could capture her writing style. Publishing houses wanted to find their very own Leah Rilke. Tattoo artists were adding to their pre drawn collections symbols from her books.

It was happening slowly, a little at a time, but time happened all at once. And history textbooks were being printed in Texas for the year 2032 that had an entire chapter about Leah Rilke.

The world was changing, and for the next half-century it’d be one where Leah Rilke was alive. And after, it’d be one where everyone was looking for the next Leah Rilke, however futile.

Leah didn’t see it, but Rachel could. And Nora. They talked about it sometimes, when a Dolly Parton song came on or Tolkien happened to come up in conversation.

“I’m not really afraid of public speaking,” Leah continued. “But can you all look somewhere else for a minute? I just need a break, I feel like you all are staring.”

There was more laughter and Rachel felt her phone buzz. Her eyebrow furrowed and she ignored it, instead focusing on the woman wearing her engagement ring.

It’d taken her a minute to propose, insecurities thriving with Leah off giving talks or going to conventions like this one. In a big empty house it wasn’t hard to feel less than, especially with one hand.

It’d been Dot who talked sense into her. Dot surprisingly sensible when she herself had eloped with Fatin, annulled it, and eloped again.

“Okay,” Dot said. “Maybe she’s too good for you. So what? She doesn’t know that.”

“Exactly,” Rachel said. “That’s my fucking point. She’s gonna find someone better and realize that I’m just… me.”

“Yeah,” Dot nodded.

Rachel glared at her. “You aren’t making me feel better.”

“I’m not Fatin, or Shelby, or Martha.”

“I know that,” Rachel said.

“It sounds like you wanna marry her,” Dot said. “So fuckin’ marry her. Then she won’t be able to fuck off with someone else.”

“But I want her to be happy,” Rachel said.

“So fuckin’ make her happy,” Dot said. “I don’t get what the fuckin’ problem is.”

So she proposed. Leah said yes immediately, not even a moment of hesitation, and they were planning a small wedding with a rabbi they both knew and a Huppa but not a Ketubah. Some sort of halfway for the both of them.

Rachel’s phone buzzed again and she turned it off, slipping it in her backpack to focus on Leah.

“This is probably the hardest book I’ve ever written. Not because its deeply personal or anything, just because I had to do so much research for it,” Leah said. “I even had to dedicate it to my sister in law because she spent hours with me looking at flight patterns and chess strategies. Do you guys know how many different kind of tulips there are? I can’t say I don’t understand the dutch a little better now.”

Nora squeezed her wrist and she looked over at her. Shelby caught her eye from beside Nora and passed her a phone, the notes app open.

Jeffs here.

Rachel frowned. Jeff Greene? The book review guy? Or maybe Jeffery Wilson, the Sony guy. Didn’t they have a neighbor named Jeff who liked to complain about their noise level to the police?

“Jeff?” She mouthed back.

Shelby was stone faced when she nodded and something sunk in Rachel’s gut.

Fuck. Jeff.

Leah was still talking but Rachel couldn’t hear her.

Where?

Shelby took the phone back.

The back.

Rachel clenched her jaw and Nora squeezed her wrist again, eyes wide.

Has Leah seen him?

Shelby shook her head and Rachel let out a breath of relief.

She got to her feet, and cast a quick smile back at Leah who’s brow furrowed at her. She kept talking though, stumbling a little on her speech. Behind her, Fatin, Martha, and Shelby followed.

Jeff wasn’t hard to spot. He was the washed-up has been, with the fraying hair and dark circles under his eyes.

“You need to leave,” Rachel spat.

“I’m just here to apologize,” Jeff said. “I don’t even—”

“You’re leaving,” Shelby cut off. “Now. Or I’ll call security.”

“Take this outside,” Someone hissed and Fatin dragged him out, shoving him roughly through the open door. Several more people waiting outside slipped inside, entirely grateful.

“Listen, I know I fucked up, I want to apologize,” Jeff said.

“She was a child,” Fatin said. “You’re a fucking predator.”

Jeff paled.

“Wait,” Martha said. “Are you here to apologize for dumping her, or for raping her?”

“I didn’t—”

Maybe it was Shelby that threw the first punch, or maybe Rachel. Maybe they both came at him at once. But Martha didn’t hold Rachel back like she normally would’ve, and Fatin snapped at some people to put their phones away.

Leah said it was ironic later, that Fatin was telling people to put their phones away, while Martha urged on a fight.

But it wasn’t a fight, it was a beat down.

Shelby had taken Toni to enough kickboxing lessons over the years to know how to throw a punch, and Rachel had been picturing this moment with Jeff for too long.

No one intervened once Martha pushed a couple people away explaining he was a pedophile who prayed on teenage girls. One person said, “Isn’t that Jeff Galanis?”

And Martha said: “Yes.”

Jeff Galanis hasn’t published a book in five years at that point, he wouldn’t publish one again. Leah wasn’t happy Rachel broke her only hand, and Toni started going to kickboxing lessons alone.

“It was stupid,” Leah told her, when she met her outside after they’d all been thrown out. “I don’t give a shit about him anymore. I just wanted you there.”

“I know,” Rachel said. “But it wasn’t stupid to me. I wanted you to know you wouldn’t have to see him again.”

“Rach,” Leah sighed. “You remember how when we were driving here a Smith’s song came on?” Rachel nodded. “I realized then I literally couldn’t remember his last name.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Leah said. “We’re getting married in a few months, my new book is coming out, your starting your new job. We’ll probably be aunts as soon as Toni and Shelby finish those foster parent classes. Jeff is like—probably the least important person in the universe right now.”

“Sorry I missed the talk,” Rachel said.

Leah kissed her, soft and easy like they’d never once been.

“It’s okay,” she promised. “There’ll be others.”

There were.

#gus writes #leachel fanfic #leachel #leah rilke #toni shalifoe #some post canon hcs for you my love #the wilds fanfic #the wilds #gus answers

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transsexualhamlet · 4 years

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asmr i psychoanalyze hide for fun

a lot of these are just stupid headcanons but a lot are also how i feel that’s just the way he is so

I know no one will read this it’s so very long but hello he’s my comfort character

(the words are under the cut bc THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS)

thoughts: It’s funny because most of the characters that I really love are just fucking idiots. So stupid. No thoughts head empty. And like at first glance you’d think the same with Hide, he’s got the look of a real dumbass, but he’s actually a really smart person? He just kind of, hides it. He did say he was like allergic to books once (it’s the adhd, king) but that doesn’t change the fact that he emotionally is actually a very intelligent person. It’s something he’s humble about because I don’t believe he really identifies with the intellectual crowd or sees himself as particularly above average, he just finds it easy to understand things. And he doesn’t ever use it for his own advantage even when it would be totally fine to do so, he pretty much always uses it to help other people and I think he believes if he used his strengths to help himself it would be, like, selfish. Which is a problem of his.

gemder n brand of gay: A lot of people in yonder Fandom like to see kaneki as bi and hide as gay but nah fam you’re off. Honestly I do not care about his Date With Rize in the slightest, that man is a homosexual. Hide is the bi one. (it’s not like this is a requirement or anything lmao i am just Saying also i’m bi and i’m projecting) I can also say with confidence that date with Rize was the only date Kaneki’s ever been on and he was definitely lying to himself. (i just, don’t know how you could look at Haise specifically and for one second think he has ever seen a boob) Hide’s the one who’s probably dated people before and he actually knows what’s attractive, he probably just doesn’t discuss that a lot with Kaneki since the bitch is Closeted and hide knows this. It’s funny because Hide canonically has two dads. Like I think that kind of explains him tbh. Bitch has good parents??? He’s the only one but we love him for it. U know Kaneki spent more of his life at Hide’s house than his own.

And as to gender, like obviously hide’s a guy, but i think he’s one of the few cisgenders who could like... tell you why. He’s well versed in those kinds of issues and has just thought about it a lot I guess? He’s comfortable in his skin and with a conventionally masculine appearance but he could tell you what Boy TM means other than yo macho man dude bro guy

personality type- ENFP-T: I took the fucking test for him and it was like... so easy. Took me ten minutes.

basically what this means is it just calls him out as a fucken loud ass sunshine boy who has very many emotion and cares way too much about his friend

love how this part of the description describes kaneki and hide perfectly

biggest strength: he’s so good at helping people?? Like I can honestly say if some random person started rambling about their relationship issues to him I’d give him 10 minutes before he had a perfect solution, he had the person crying and being comforted in just the right way. He’s the perfect medium of confident and caring and he’s not just a fucking ray of sunshine on accident, he’s like, mob psycho 100 style actively working to be nice and compassionate. He’s very aware of how his actions affect people and he always knows just the right thing to say, what to do, when to just let things go or when to say them. And Hide will forgive, literally anything, even if someone does something really shitty to him he’ll realize it’s the product of like, unresolved mental issues or something and seek to fix it instead of cutting the person off. It’s... really good for everyone around him. But well,,, not great for him, see below.

biggest weakness: bitch does nOT leave room for himself. Although he is generally a confident person and isn’t very insecure, he knows he’s giving too much of himself and simply ‘pretend i do not see it but in reality i do’. He’s never put himself first and feels more worthy when he makes someone else happy, and it’s really not that visible but it can take a pretty big toll on him. He’ll feel anger and frustration for his problems but eventually he will end up blaming himself for anything that goes wrong and will just resolve to Try Harder. (which, mood) He does problem solve well and he tries to come up with the best solutions to issues but the fact is he just does not prioritize his own happiness within those solutions. He gives too much and it’s fucking killing him.

what he likes most about himself: Although he does have issues obviously, I don’t see Hide as someone who has particularly low esteem of himself. I think he pretty much thinks he has himself figured out and therefore other people’s problems come first. He generally does, think fondly of himself, because most of the time he can fix people’s problems so he’s yknow, a good person. I think he likes his ability to enjoy life and live in the moment, and he likes his connections and friendships with other people. He values emotional connection and he likes that he can easily create and enjoy good vibes. He loves being the one who everyone just... goes to for a good time.

favorite things: I think I heard somewhere that he enjoys dumb american bands without really understanding what they’re saying which seems very on brand for him, but I’m gonna perscribe him some other stuff too. Obviously he likes bright colors and comic books, and places where he can have fun with other people. He generally likes college, even though it’s like, school, and unlike kaneki he actually had a good childhood and he enjoys the places he spent time and formed good memories, he has Nostalgia TM (see unbelievable by owl city hmmm he vibes to that he was born in 1996 or something right i can’t google things) he also just really likes to just, fix other people’s problems but we’ve covered that.

what he’s doing right and what he’s doing wrong: Hide is doing his best. He’s no less flawed than any of the other characters in tokyo ghoul, it’s just that his strategies tend to involve 100% less murder. Ok no, let me rephrase that, Hide is flawed, but i meant like emotionally, he’s not a war criminal like everyone else. He may seem at first glance like, just, perfect? Sorry for being a simp lmao but I feel like from the outside he’s just got it all together right? He knows what he’s doing and he’s super nice and helpful and smart and humble and just doesn’t have any visible flaws? He... tends to hide any evidence that he would ever be struggling. And that’s not very sexy of him. He feels it would be a burden on others to show pain or ever say he can’t take something on (if someone asked him to do something he’d do it even if he was already mentally at capacity etc) and that’s something he needs to work on. The good thing is that if they got to a point where after Kaneki’s Character Development they got to just... like, be happy and not be separated and everything Kaneki would be good for him because he compliments that. Hide helps him because he needs a lot of like, mental counseling lmao but now that Kaneki’s gone through a lot of that his eyes have been opened more to the fact that Hide hides his problems from Kaneki so if they could just bE HAPPY this is an issue that could be resolved

insecurities: I think Hide kind of believes he’s not allowed to be sad. Cause it’s like, not his job. He’s the source of happiness for everyone else, supposed to have everything together so he can fix everyone else’s problems. he’s not allowed to be in pain or feel bad for himself even though he knows “Boys Can Cry” it’s like, yes boys can cry, not me tho haha lmao it’s not about his masculinity it’s just he’s like “yeah but kaneki’s had it worse” so like if he finds himself in a bad place, he feels inadequate and like... fundametally broken. and it’s. Like. I felt that but also like king that’s not how it works

goal in life: I think he wouldn’t really be able to answer that question. What the truth would be is that he probably wants to do something grand and important that helps a lot of people and kind of changes the world. But he might not really think of it that way, since he’s usually focused more on smaller more isolated issues and he has no idea what he wants to do as a career. He admires activists and people who put themselves at risk but it probably makes him feel inferior that someone else is Doing Something About This Big Problem and he’s just sitting there riding around on his bisexual bike and being in college. (I’d like to say he’s probably changed majors at least a few times,,, that man was like “oh yeah lmao i’m gonna be a comic book artist” but someone said something about how he’s a good therapist and he’s like “brb kinshift i am now a psychology major” lmao.) (hello i am projecting but i’m right) He sees a tumblr post about some issue somewhere and he hyperfixates on it for days until he sees another post about something worse it’s an issue. But I think what he ended up doing was what he wanted to, even if he never recieved any recognition for it the internal sense that he was doing something Right TM in the eyes of history would probably make him cry

how he was raised: I can’t really say much to this because there’s barely any canon on this and the canon that does exist I have completely ignored other than the fact that he has two dads. Bro tbh? He didn’t need any tragic emo backstory I think he had a great childhood. Honestly he’s probably a rich kid. Not super rich but he’s not struggling man. Not gonna lie to you I think the only reason he went to Kamii was because he wanted to be at the same college as Kaneki who probably got a scholarship. Hide, didn’t. (it’s not like he’s not intelligent but I don’t really think that his grades are his biggest priority, the only time he ever pays attention in class is to give kaneki the answers when he’s gone)

What irks me about the random lore drop in the last chapter about him having a CCG dad that died or whatever- it kind of ruins the whole point for me. Personally I choose to believe he had nothing whatsoever to do with ghouls or the ccg before all that happened to Kaneki. He probably had correct opinions on them, but only like, in theory, it’s like straight people that are like “yeah ofc gay ppl valid” but they’ve never really had any personal experience with any. So when he gets involved in that- the fact is that the only reason he was... was bc of kaneki. It was never more complicated than that to me. YKNOW, SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST, NICE, OK?

And I think for me that the fact that he could actively choose to be nice and be aware of all these problems when he’s practically got every advantage in life is a lot more important. He didn’t have to be poor or have a dead parent or have a shitty childhood for him to be really genuinely good. I don’t think he’s ever been bullied or anything, but he can still be aware that it sucks to be bullied. I think he was just... raised right. I think his dads are probably pretty fucking baller for him to be such a bro. They taught him the right shit.

General philosophy: Hide is one of the only people in the series for whom the dynamics of right and wrong are not hard to understand. He’s never been required to pick up a weapon or actually truly fight in the CCG, he’s never been really mean to anyone. Of course I can say he’s probably decked a few ppl that made fun of Kaneki in middle school, but haven’t we all. The thing is that though he’s never suffered at the hands of others, everything that’s hurt him he’s gone in fully consenting to it- he can still understand and forgive what everyone else has done. Like bro he’s the literal only one around who’s not like a literal war criminal, but he’s not going to think he’s better because of it, because he understands that if he had been in their circumstances he couldn’t say how he would have turned out.

That’s why I think it’s so important that he never really had a bad childhood- he’s not better than them for turning out without any blood on his hands, because he was never required to. And he knows that and he goes through every day with all these people who have and is conscious of it. He can’t ever say he’s incapable of hurting other people, because he would have said that about Kaneki before all of it happened. So he’s quite politically correct compared to Kaneki and the others but he doesn’t see things that way.

relationship bullshit: i mean bro i know this is a serious post about like psychological and emotional things but i felt the need to discuss whY does everyone write hide as a bottom I mean like sure he’d bottom if his partner was a top but this is simply not the case with kaneki look at him. Hide. Service top. I rest my case. The man’s the biggest switch ever but when he’s a top he’s a nice top. I think Kaneki needs that to be perfectly honest. He really likes to take care of people. Also kind of off topic but his love language is quality time he just wants to play video games wit da homies and he might fall in love a bit

I find it genuinely funny how much i cannot get away from the tentacle porn on the god forsaken archive of our own just looking at the tags i already know it’s so out of character haitoheoihesdsdsa and don’t get me started on the vore

how kaneki sees him vs how he actually is: One of the biggest problems in kaneki and hide’s relationship is how in the beginning, Kaneki didn’t really understand at all that Hide could be hiding anything from him. Kaneki’s not good at picking up clues like that in general, but the fact that he was hiding so much himself didn’t help at all. Hide gives off the vibe of someone who has no inhibitions and shows every side of himself without hesitation, and Kaneki really does idolize that. He didn’t realize that Hide could possibly be suffering or imperfect compared to his vision. He sees Hide as practically an angel, and that’s exactly how Hide wants Kaneki to see him, because he doesn’t want to burden Kaneki with his own problems since he believes they’re not as important and they would make Kaneki sad. Kaneki knew Hide wasn’t as oblivious as he seemed, but he didn’t really understand what that meant until too late. The good thing about Kaneki’s character development though is that it then helps Kaneki understand that Hide was suffering because of him and he didn’t want Hide to hide it anymore (lmao). If they’d only executed that point well that could have been really good but well that’s what fanfic is for

how he sees kaneki vs how kaneki actually is: This one’s a lot more difficult, because well. Hide’s very good at knowing exactly how people are in their hearts, compared to Kaneki. But there are definitely some things that he’s not super up on. He wasn’t around for a lot of Kaneki’s development, so most of the time I think he still believes Kaneki doesn’t want to see his pain, which is, simply incorrect, Kaneki would obviously not be happy to hear it but it would tear him up inside to realize he’s been oblivious to it the whole time. He’s grown a lot more mature since he spent most of his time with Hide, and I really think Hide could benefit from being able to open up to Kaneki the way he is now. And well. I think his biggest misconception has to be that Kaneki enjoyed women lmao

the most him thing i’ve ever done: listening to a happy upbeat song and visibly bopping while also uncontrollably sobbing

miscellaneous headcanons:

-he’s a morning person lmao. Motherfucker gets up at 6 AM and Kaneki is like PL EA SE NO

-what he finds attractive is like. twinks and girls with hair in colors that don’t exist and ppl who don’t know what gender is

-He likes Imagine Dragons lmao you can see by the next point

-his coping mechanisms are mostly music and other people tbh he’s like “oh i am having emotions? disgusting” *goes to a party*

-he plays dnd and he mains a warlock i don’t make the rules

-he doesn’t look like someone who would do that shit but he probably knows how to use tarot cards

-idk how but that motherfucker is so neurodivergent i can smell the hyperempathy on him look at that man he has so much adhd

-he’s fully aware that his fashion sense is terrible and continues to wear more and more ridiculous clothes to piss kaneki off

-this man has tungle dot fuck. Look at him. His url is probably something along the lines of my ao3 username lmao

-he can see the forbidden shrimp colors smh

-this bitch likes mob psycho 100 and the promised neverland, kaneki keeps telling him to watch death note and he’s just like n o hhsdfhhfdshdfshdfs he probably kins tpn emma

-he doesn’t know how to drive lmao he bikes everywhere and he lives in tokyo

-i am once again thinking about how he was in a play with kaneki and kaneki was the main character and he was the spicy side character that’s not a headcanon just. that

songs that are, him:

-Stand By You (Rachel Platten)

-Luck (American Authors)

-Love (Imagine Dragons)

-If I Lose Myself (One Republic)

-Stardust (New Politics)

-Secrets (also one republic)

-Flaws (Bastille)

-100 Bad Days (AJR)

-I Lived (another one republic lmao)

-Battle Scars (Paradise Fears)

-Rise Up (Imagine Dragons)

yeah he definitely listens to this shit lmao

#tokyo ghoul #hideyoshi nagachika #hidekane #kanehide #jesus christ i am hyperfixated #rowan's hyperfixation essays

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quillsandtypos · 4 years

Text

Smiling in the Background

Summary: Reggie discusses his parents divorce with sunset curve for the first time. The reader opens up to Reggie about their own experience.

Warnings: comfort angst and talk about divorce

Words: 2.4k

Pairings: none but could be interpreted as reggie x reader

...........................................

Reggie knew his place in the group. He was the funny but lovable dumbass. If you needed a laugh you came to him. He was used to being overlooked and underappreciated. But he knew that his friends didn’t feel that way about him, they were always there for him when he needed it, not that he did; but it was still nice to know that they had his back.

But as the boys, and Reggie, grew older things shifted out of place. At their core they still had similar morals and principles to their personalities, but the trauma that they had developed would become a part of them as well.

Alex was first to endure that kind of trauma; when his parents didn’t react well to him coming out, he was devastated. The guys of course had already known about him being gay for years. They comforted him when he came to band practice the next day crying because of his parents' words. The boys promised him that he always had a family with them, a family that accepted him.

Luke was the second. At first the band didn’t know exactly what happened. Luke wasn’t very good at hiding his emotions, and they knew his relationship with his parents wasn’t the greatest at the time, but they didn’t know exactly what happened until they accidentally walked in on him playing one day, completely in tears. Luke told them what had happened and the song that he was writing to cope. By the next week the three had gotten together to write the instrumental to the song. They surprised Luke with it, and it was enough to make him smile, even if it was only for a second.

It took Reggie a long while to even admit to himself what was happening in his world. Something like this couldn’t be happening to him. He was supposed to be the funny guy of the group. How could he be the safe and comforting grounds for everyone else to walk upon when he couldn’t walk upon the grounds himself? He didn’t tell the group for quite awhile, he didn’t want to bother them with his own problems; he knew Luke and Alex were dealing with their own shit.

But he didn’t need to tell him, they knew something was up, long before he did. Words were only spoken about it once. It was a beautiful summer day and they were practicing in the studio. The group was cracking jokes and smiling. Reggie was smiling too, but it was obvious to those that knew him well that it was fake.

“Reg?” spoke Alex.

He forced a smile, “Yeah?”

Alex looked worried, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, totally!” Reggie lied.

Alex gave him a knowing look and Reggie knew he couldn’t lie to one of his best friends.

He glanced down to avoid eye contact. “It’s kinda a long story,” he murmured.

Alex took a spot next to him on the couch. “I’ve got time, if you want to tell it,” he assured him.

By that point the other two had caught on to the more serious atmosphere, and had turned around to watch.

“Reg you know we’re here for you man, right?” Luke asked, as he gripped Reggie’s shoulder rather tightly.

“Yeah, yeah I know. I just don’t wanna bother you guys, you’re dealing with your own stuff anyways, you probably don’t need my stuff anyways right?” Reggie joked. He forced himself to laugh and smile but no one in the room bought it for a second. They all had somber faces and looked at him through worried eyes.

“Reggie, you are never a bother to us,” Alex reassured him.

Luke nodded.

“Yeah what he said,” Bobby agreed.

Reggie took a look at all of his friends' faces and decided that he would tell them. He told them about how it started off with arguing at night, but it was quiet enough that he could ignore it. Then it turned to comments during the day that they thought he wouldn’t notice, which he did. Then it was screaming so loud in the middle of the night that he could hear it upstairs even with a pillow over his head. He told them everything, and they listened to all of it. Occasionally nodding to let him know that they were still listening. When he was done talking his breath was shaky and there were still tears rolling down his cheeks.

Bobby offered him a tissue box that he gladly took.

After a few moments of silence and them watching him, he felt the need to break it.

“I’m still the funny guy though, so don’t any of you think you can take my place,” he playfully threatened. The group broke into small grins but they quickly faded.

“The funny guy can still be sad. Being funny doesn’t mean the absence of being human,” Alex consoled him.

“Besides, you’re so much more than the funny guy. You’re an amazing friend, a great bassist, and you’re one of the nicest people I know,” Luke continued. Other than when he was talking about his parents, Reggie didn’t think he had ever seen Luke look so serious.

“And you make a mean sandwich,” Bobby added. Alex lightly smacked his leg.

“Ow! I was just trying to make him smile,” Bobby defended himself.

Reggie genuinely laughed at that.

“Thanks guys,” Reggie said, as he looked at all of them.

From that point on it was a said but unsaid thing. Reggie never really talked about it, but the guys knew when the fighting had gotten especially bad that night. They always offered a listening ear but never pushed him. But when Reggie died, he didn’t know what would happen to his parents. He never brought it up, with Caleb and everything it seemed like an unimportant matter.

But when Julie introduced you to the band, that seemed like an important matter to him. Another alive human being could see them, even if they weren’t playing. You came to know all of them fairly well, but you clicked the most with Reggie. He’d sometimes come visit you at school, just to say hello only to poof back out a couple moments later. He’d just sit in your room as you did homework, occasionally interrupting your homework to ask you a question or two about the world nowadays; not that you minded, you enjoyed talking to him.

Today was one of those days, it had been a week or so since Caleb’s stamps had been removed, and you were grateful to even be having a conversation with him.

Reggie already knew you had divorced parents, you had mentioned it off handedly the second week he knew you. Everyone else seemed to brush passed it, but he continued to watch you for a moment, noticing the way you couldn’t make eye contact with him; the same thing he had done, all those years ago.

But it wasn’t until this moment that it was brought up again. You had said something about needing to pack to go to your mom’s house when he remembered.

“Oh right, you have divorced parents too,” he reminded himself.

You realized what he just said. “Wait, you’re parents are divorced?”

Then you realized what you had just said. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that,” you apologized.

“No it’s okay, truthfully I don’t really know,” he admitted.

You had a curious look on your face, but you said nothing, since it wasn’t any of your business.

He paused for a minute before continuing. “My parents always fought and they seemed to be having a lot of issues right before I died, but when we went to where my house used to be, my house wasn’t there anymore. I don’t know if they ever ended up getting a divorce or not, I just kinda assumed they had,” he explained.

You thought of something but hesitated slightly.

“What?” he asked.

You bit your lip. “Well do you want to know?”

You definitely had peaked his interest. “How could we know?”

“Well I mean it’s 2021, I’m sure we could find them on the internet or in a phone book somehow,” you nervously suggested.

“Sure, but can you do me a favor?” he asked.

“Yeah, of course,” you responded softly.

“Can you find it and just tell me? I don’t think I can take the searching around,” he admitted. He looked so fragile in that moment, like at any second he could break. You immediately agreed. You looked through google using his last name, sifting through anything you could find.

After about ten minutes of searching you managed to find some court proceedings with his last name on it.

“Was this their names?” you questioned as you showed him the names on the paper.

“Yeah,” Reggie responded.

You scrolled through the rest of the papers. You anxiously looked up at his depressed face. “Your parents got the divorce finalized five months after your death,” you concluded.

Reggie sighed, “I guess I was the thing keeping together.” He emphasized the was in his sentence.

You looked him in the eye with a sort of passion that could only be recreated by someone who had gone through similar pain. “Reggie, you can’t blame yourself like that. Divorces are between the parents, it has nothing to do with you.”

“And yet somehow it feels like we're the ones who get hurt the most doesn’t it?” he asked, as he turned to you.

You felt your eyes start to water, “Yeah, something like that,” you agreed.

“Why is it that way?” you wondered aloud.

He turned his body to face you.

“I just mean, why do parents act like we’re unaffected by it and that we don’t get any decisions on what happens to us in the matter, but we’re the ones who have to deal with choices they made,” you ranted.

“You wanna talk about what happened to you?” Reggie offered.

You took one look into his eyes, and you knew you couldn’t stop the flood gates from opening.

A few tears leaked out of your eyes. “It was several years ago, I should just be used to it,” you complained.

“Just because it happened in the past doesn’t mean the pain is in the past.” He looked a little impressed with himself with what he just said.

You smiled slightly at his face. “Yeah, I suppose your right.” You wiped off the tear running down your cheek.

He looked at you to continue.

“But there isn’t much to explain, I have one parent who is a bitch and the other isn’t bad,” you explained. You shakily laughed.

“You don’t have to tell me anything, but I doubt that’s all of it,” Reggie spoke softly. You were vulnerable, and you hated vulnerability. But you knew that Reggie would keep this side of you a secret for as long as you needed him to, that’s what friends are for. And you also knew that he understood your situation better than anyone, he was in the same boat himself.

So you decided to tell him the whole story.

“When I was around thirteen I started noticing things were off, I wasn’t sure of what yet, but there were these little moments where I knew that the fight was getting worse,” you started.

“There were some moments where the events didn’t make sense. I wasn’t entirely sure what was happening. There was a barrier coming into play and I didn’t know where it was, but I knew it was there,” you explained.

“I was young, but I knew that my childhood was coming to an end. As a kid you put your parents up on these pedestals, and then divorce hits, and things get uncovered and you realize no one is as high up as you believe them to be. Not that their marriage was ever completely stable anyways, but somethings become natural, no matter how bad they are for you.” Reggie looked at you with watery eyes, he really did get exactly what you went through.

“But as I got older they got worse, but when they told me they were getting a divorce it didn’t really surprise me. I knew they had been fighting for years, and it didn’t come as a shock to most people in my family, so I guess I wasn’t the only one who noticed.”

Reggie held a sad smile on his face for an instant, “They usually tend to know before the parents do.”

“Well they definitely did in my case, and to make matters worse they battled it out in court. Which meant that I had to battle it out in court,” you paused to collect your thoughts and wipe your nose.

“Well I didn’t actually go to the court but I had to fight my own parents to get equal time with the both of them,” you admitted.

“Y/n I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” Reggie consoled you.

You squeezed your eyes shut to get the final tears to come out.

“It’s okay, it was a long time ago, and I probably didn’t have it as bad as some people,” you reasoned.

He placed his hand on your knee. “A wise person once told me that even though someone’s suffering is worse, it doesn’t erase your own,” Reggie offered.

“That’s really smart, who said that?” you asked.

Reggie thought for a moment before breaking into a large grin. “No idea, but I think they had the right idea though.”

You laughed at that, though he wasn’t wrong, it was a good idea.

You placed your hand on his knee. “Thank you Reggie.”

He patted your leg, “Anytime y/n, anytime.”

“And you know I’m always here for you right?” you promised.

He looked like you had said the most obvious thing of all time. “Yeah, I can poof to you at any time.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m serious, Reg.”

His face grew serious again in acknowledgement. “Yes, I know.”

“So if you ever wanna go find your parents house, you know where to find me,” you offered.

“I will make sure to remember that.”

“Good, then I will see you tomorrow,” you told him, as you got up.

“Not if I see you first!” he yelled out at you.

“You’re a dork!” you yelled back, though you couldn’t deny the smile on your face that replaced the sad one from earlier.

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crimsonandcloverwrites · 3 years

Text

bhah ch7 can’t stop won’t stop

lmao Dani being like ‘we should wait to discuss kids til after we’re married’ yes doesn’t seem like a giant thing u should make sure u agree on before u make a major commitment at all

Dani is so in love with Jamie sdjkhdfkjg driving to her house on instinct and just like...gazing at her in her old t-shirt and sweats like you’ve finally seen the light girl just kiss her already

god I can’t believe I have 2 more chapters of them as adults just being the absolute perfect match for each other to get through before they finally kiss in ch 11 (i’m maninfesting it no one say anything) I am literally going to scream. Dani will like... feel a little off and it’s all “i need to go to Jamie’s house and also tell Jamie everything and she will make me tea and let me be myself without all the expectations and I will feel better” I AM VERY HAPPY SHE CAN BE THAT FOR YOU BUT ALSO CAN YOU SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE MS CLAYTON (actually I think she kind of does but she must extract herself from her real life first I guess)

oh no the new chapter is almost here I still have so much to read

forget ‘there was only one bed’ this is now a ‘there was only one tent’ stan blog only

thirsty Dani truly is the funniest I am so sorry ur suffering is so entertaining. Dani: literally whacks her finger with a mallet bc horny for Jamie. Me: uncontrollable chortling

the idea of Dani wrangling 8 year olds that are probably just about as tall as her is too funny. tiny legend

aww the lil background Hannah and Owen moments. cute

Dani in a big ol’ straw hat pls that’s so cute

this Jackie and Jamie situation..... GIVE US THE DEETS

hmmmmnnnnnngggg Jamie just straight down on her knees in front of Dani to tie her shoe lace I will absolutely let u have this gay panic Dani u don’t deserve to be made fun of right now

Jamie “I have a story” absolutely NOT

Viola, emerging from the lake in this no ghosts childhood friends story: surprise bitch

these two drunk idiots are literally teenagers dsjkhdfkgjh just get in ur tent

Dani, drunk in a tiny tent w the love of her life: hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me

when we finally get a Jamie on her knees redemption moment-

Dani, drunk in a tiny tent w the love of her life currently taking her clothing off: oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck (y’all really wanted to torture her this chapt huh?)

“dawn was a saffron colored suggestion peeking through a pinhole gap in the tent’s zipper” god that’s a pretty sentence can i pls borrow some talent

Jamie and Dani w kids is sooooo cute they have such a nice balance between them

just thinking about if teenage Jamie desperately in love w her bestie could see things now Dani being all into her w all her lingering looks etc how the fuckin turn tables

“Dani kept a firm grip on her sanity” lol

oh my god they’re both drenched in the tent w the soft lamplight and only their own bodyheat to keep warm whatever will they do

oh wait they also have the heat of their burning attraction to each other they’ll be toasty as anything

hhhhngggg abs

that’s like 4 mentions of Jamie on her knees aklhfdkjgkdjh enough

lads is it gay to imagine running ur fingertips over the scar on your friends back before pressing ur lips to it or...?

Jamie taking the time to teach Dani car things aww

lol not the smutty book

eddie honking at her gets so under my skin like my dude... my guy... stop

Dani thinking so hard about rain damp Jamie and how much she wanted to jump her while she’s in the car w her boyf and MIL. girl

imagine if we had to sit through a dani and eddie wedding before she finally managed to call this off how cursed

ayoooo Carson’s show I cannot wait. omg we get it this chapter too gbless this really is the Dani suffering hours

Jamie just so casually like.... not even flirting w Dani it’s all just kinda observations but every other thing she says makes Dani stop breathing skdhfdkfjh this is so good

Dani has like... a lack of object permanence but with Jamie feelings ok

pleeease the Dani Carson road trip that’s so cute I can just imagine what fun they would have had

uuughhh i wanna go to a sweaty bar n listen to loud music again

also would like a Jamie to press their hand to my lower back n make me lose my mind in a sweaty bar to loud music

this lil jamie dani carson trio is my faaaave

“Girls must be all over you.” and Jamie choking on her drink dsfkjsdhkf oh Dani u beautiful naive angel. god that’s so funny

Robin instantly going for Jamie... same bro

Carson’s lil found family band pls my heart is so full

Carson calling them his sisters n Jamie freezing up bby when are u going to accept these people care abt u and love u like family

Robin is so brazenly just like ‘ur hot’. a voice of the people i love her

Dani being lowkey jealous as IF Ms Taylor has eyes for anyone else babe

Carson knoooowwwwws. When do we get the Carson O’Mara biopic please I want his takes on everything I know they’re excellent

oh my god Jamie knowing Dani’s fave kind of pizza pls I love that so much (I can’t remember if it’s been mentioned in the past few chapters but I remember her being mad that Eddie didn’t in CH1? i love this lil detail) (also I literally just ate vegge pizza I feel so immersed in this experience)

dfkgjhdfkjgh Jamie licking her finger and Dani completely combusting this is so entertaining

fuck n then it gets all soft and about how they’ve been in love their whole lives this is emotional whiplash

Jamie constantly in protector mode but in this really quiet comforting way is so sweet I love her so much

god I just feel so bad for Dani that this kind of insane electricity she has with Jamie has probably never been a thing in her relationship w Ed bby u deserve someone that makes u feel like this

awww Carsons bf

Dani’s soul leaving her body when she sees them kissing oh no

Jamie giving Dani her jacket pleeease I am dying here... the romance of it all

and shariing cigarettes and intense looks these two really are somethin else

lmao even Robin is picking up on their vibes you two could level a building with the amount of tension between u

Dani’s moment of Realisation abt Carson n Jamie just being like... well yeah

lmao Dani subtly trying to figure out if Jamie is gettin’ it sdkgdfhkjgh

when these do two finally get together both of them are gonna be like... taken out by all of this. Dani has only ever known Eddie who just does not get her (and the fact that she is a lesbian so she’s never had real feelings for him in that way) and it seems like Jamie has only ever had surface level relationships with people who never really got her either (while also being in love w her best friend who she never thought would love her back). there’s no way this is wont eventually make at least one person cry a bunch (probably me) with how right all of it is

god Dani is so horny for Jamie sdflkdfjgkfdj preemptive RIP for Ms Taylor when Dani finally does get to live out all these daydreams on her I just know someones gonna end up pulling somethin

Does Dani like.... get that she will never love Edmund that way like is she fully aware of the fact she loves him but she’s not in love with him and all these feelings for Jamie aren’t just because it’s Jamie but because she’s not straight??? have we gone on that journey yet

aw Ed waited up for her

the book the book the book

dsfkdhfgkj oh Dani

“Jamie on her knees, looking up at her” listen-

girl u are so fucked

SIX. SIX MENTIONS OF JAMIE ON HER KNEES pls

THE DREAM

who could this possibly be about hmmmm Dani

christ

THE MEASURES SHE TAKES TO DEAL WITH THE DREAM lordt

“baffled but excited” i think is how I almost always picture eddie lol

dang get it girl take control

aw dani u poor confused little duck. i just wanna give her a hug

Dani dressed as Dorothy is awfuly cute

heh Jamie as a wolf i love her fursona

lmao toto

of course Jamie is well aquainted with the bleachers. cheeky. oh no not the art room. Dani dying inside and then imagining herself there with Jamie girl has got it baaaad u poor lil repressed gayby

Dani is... so thirsty... goddamn

lmao Jamie blatantly checking her out are u trying to kill her she already wants to rip ur clothes off

“To the third floor art room?” dfksdhfgkjdfhgjdhf imagine if this was it they just banged it out in the art room right now n got things sorted

god they go from horny to soft so quick i love the ways they care about each other

Jamie saying the scarecrow costume is fitting for Eddie PLEASE

ooh the infamous hickey

What Dani deseves: snuggles. What Dani recieves: struggles

the MEMES. god bless the memes

this was an excellent companion for my Wednesday hopefully I can churn through the rest of em before we are blessed w ch11 amen

#bhah

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liron-ao3 · 3 years

Text

Good things take time

AU Malec oneshot

Magnus flips down on the couch, startling Alec, who is lying on it, fully absorbed in a book. "I hate faculty meetings," he groans. "Boring people, hideous discussions, and the worst coffee in the whole wide world."

Alec chuckles. "So, what's new?"

Magnus breathes out heavily. "Camille got the promotion."

Alec throws his book on the coffee table and sits up. "No! That's not fair. You worked so hard for it. That bitch doesn't deserve it."

Magnus smiles at the display of his best friend's righteous anger. "No, she does. It was neck and neck. There are enough men in the higher ranks. It's good that they chose an equally qualified woman."

"Those men are all old and white. A young Asian-American would have been a great choice, too."

Magnus sends a smile his way. "Why, thank you, Alexander. I'll be fine. One of those old, white men will retire or die eventually. My time will come."

Alec squeezes his shoulder. "Still, I'm sorry, Mags."

Magnus leans into the touch and closes his eyes. How he wished he could just sink into Alec's strong arms and cry out his frustration on his chest. He knows Alec would give him that. But he won't allow himself this moment of weakness. It would mess with his head and heart for days to come, as always.

He's been in love with Alec since they met in the French literature club on campus nearly a decade ago. He was his first male crush, supportive when he came out as bi, even throughout his marriage with Camille, and especially when everything went up in flames.

They moved in together when Magnus thought of selling his flat because he couldn't afford it on his own after he threw Camille out when he found her in bed with another man. But even though the start was rough, the last two years were the best of his life.

Alec is smart, funny, the calm in every single one of Magnus' storms, a shoulder to lean onto, beautiful beyond words, and unfortunately totally asexual and aromantic. The realisation had been a bummer, but Magnus still feels blessed that he can have him as a platonic friend. That's better than not having him at all.

They settled into each other's life with ease, and if Magnus weren't such a coward—his words, not mine—he would have put a queerplatonic relationship on the table months ago. But he is, so he enjoys looking at Alec, spends time with the man he loves in ways none of his exes were ever willing or able to.

"Maybe you should dance it out of your system," Alec muses. "You haven't been clubbing for months now. When was the last time you got laid?"

Magnus rolls his eyes. As if he wanted a roll in the hay with anybody but the man who asked this ridiculous question. "I'm done with one-offs," he says simply, "and I think I'm too old for clubbing."

"Oh, I live with a grandpa now. Good to know," Alec quips, and Magnus feels better already.

"With you, I would snuggle under a heating blanket, drink herbal tea, and play crossword puzzles with delight," he says, the playful retort hitting way too close to home for his own liking. Magnus hopes that Alec doesn't catch on to the slight quivering of his voice.

But Alec’s eyes just grow soft, as does his whole face. "Me, too," he all but whispers with a blush dusting his cheeks. They stare at each other for a long moment, the space between them suddenly heavy and blazing with unspoken truths.

Alec pulls his gaze away first and gets up from the couch, fleeing to the kitchen. "We still have some leftover spaghetti. You want some?" he calls over, voice strained and clipped.

Magnus doesn't answer, still sitting on the sofa, thoughts piling up to a hardly comprehensible and understandable mess. Did Alec mean it? Did he mean it the way Magnus wants him to mean it?

The clattering of dishes pulls him out of his stupor and he bolts off the couch and rushes to the kitchen. He finds Alec in front of the sink, staring at the dishwater slowly filling it.

"Alexander?"

Alec's shoulders slump in defeat, and he closes the taps. This time, Magnus doesn't hesitate to grant himself the closeness that he craves. It's Alec who so clearly needs it, after all. He pushes himself into an embrace and sighs when Alec's head lands on his shoulder.

Soothingly, he runs a hand up and down his back. "Whatever it is, I promise you, it'll be alright," Magnus says.

"It's stupid."

Magnus shakes his head. "It's you, so that's impossible, darling."

Alec chuckle-sobs and pushes his nose against Magnus' neck. "What is the real reason why you aren't going out anymore?" he asks, and Magnus can feel both their heartbeats pick up speed. He wets his lips and closes his eyes, pulls Alec closer in what might be their last embrace.

"Because I'm in love with you. I can't help it. I tried. I know it's not what you want, that you don't feel desire or romantic love. But I do, and I can't change that I want you. But this doesn't mean that anything has to change between us, okay? I've loved you before. You're too important to me."

He loosens his hold on the other man, but Alec tightens his own. "I love you, too."

Magnus' heart misses a beat or two. But then he reins in the sparkle of hope. "I know, Alexander. Our friendship means the world to me, too."

Alec pulls back at that. "No, you don't understand. I love you. As in 'Do you want to be my boyfriend?' I never felt like this before. I still don't want sex, but I want to do all the other shit couples have. The kissing and the cuddling, growing old together. I get it if this isn't enough or too much for you. I'm still figuring this out myself. I—"

Magnus cuts off the sentence with his mouth as he crashes their lips into a fiery kiss that leaves both of them breathless.

"Sorry," he says as he brushes his lipgloss off Alec's lips afterwards. "I wanted to do this for years."

Alec chuckles and presses a chaste kiss to Magnus' cheek. "Me only for a few months. But yeah, I liked it."

Magnus' face lights up in a beaming smile. "So, you're demi-romantic?"

Alec blinks at him. "You know that term?"

"You think I don't educate myself when my best friend and the man who—and I quote my stepfather—'turned me gay' comes out as ace and aro?"

Alec grins like a Cheshire cat. "So we're even." Magnus cocks an eyebrow. "I made you realise that you're bi, and you made me realise that I'm not fully aro." Alec chuckles.

Magnus looks fondly at his boyfriend. "I'm not really hungry. Would you like to do some 'couple shit'?"

Alec laughs tears. "Yes. Yes, I really do."

#malec fic #malec fanfic #malec fanfiction #malec fandom #friends to lovers #first kiss #demi-romantic alec lightwood #bisexual magnus bane #asexual alec lightwood

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dutifullybitchypeach · 4 years

Text

ACOSF FINAL THOUGHTS. 3/5

It was good. But it could have been EPIC. I think I got caught up in the hype and should have remained blissfully ignorant. Loved Nestas journey and her finding happiness. WELL DESERVED.

However lots of loose threads, ignored angst, rushed ending, pregnancy plot overshaowed a lot - 2 chapters wasted!

It was Nestas book with Cassians POV to balance. It was interesting to read how skewed, almost backwards it was the way Nesta saw things. Like the IC behaviour/comments at times to her was counter acted then with Cassians interpretation. Really showed her low her self esteem was.

I know it's Nesta letting go and being happy with herself and I believe SJM wrote it this way to be deliberately CLEAR that the IC are NOT perfect and are 100% capable of being total pricks. BUT that they are not held accountable for their actions the same way Nesta is, was frustrating. Cold hard facts: Nesta never murdered/stole/lied/tortured/assaulted anyone. She was a bum and a drunk who spewed hurtful shite. An angry bitch. However the only thing she ever wilfully killed was the King of Hyburn at the NC's request. The level of disgust from Amren/Rhys/Mor directed at Nesta in the beginning was uncomfortable to read and didn't sit well with me.

I'll have to read it again but I was not satisfied . Nestas character arc started half way through ACOWAR. She stepped up when they needed her to.

Feyre agreeing despite her experience in Spring was a step backwards for me. Then again it's exactly what Nesta needed. Cruel to be kind. And Feyre had Nestas back repeatedly throughout the narrative.

Loved Nestas story all of it, training, friendships, self love, etc etc. Gwyn and Emerie ❤ All epic. And she's well...more interesting! Detail on Cassian killing all those monsters, scene in the big, wow so good.

Feysand overkill or perhaps Rhys overkill. Sorry SJM but you need to pull back.

Nessian happened the way I thought it would. That Cassian isn't perfect is normal. His heart is Nestas, it's pretty clear. Smut scenes, I've read better sorry !!! Intensity was not the same as previous books. More sexy and less crude for me. Missed Cassians swagger but I guess we are in his head, and he's a big cuddly insecure bear. With a big d**k.

More thoughts (in my humble opinion).

Feysand pregnancy DRAMA. Unnecessary. Keep it, just don't let it happen the way it did. I've already said I thought the sacrifice should have been for Gywn/Emerie and there is a simple tie in IMO (see previous posts). Or perhaps Cassian actually stabbing himself rather than hurting Nesta with the Queen. But I get SJM and 'losing' her power, that much power just undermines the remaining plot for next few books. Nesta could just blast them all to hell. And she stole it in anger and has let it go with love. Growth! She is clearly still hella powerful. We don't know the half of it.

For me the above was the most irritating. The ending squeezed in. And I like Feysand. But Nesta healing with Feyre needn't have been so convoluted. Or drastic. More private, perhaps a real angsty, tense conversation and confession. They didn't discuss anything.

The last few chapters too much went on...important moments; first females to win The Rite, sidelined. Accepting the mating bond, sidelined. WTF is Nestas power now, sidelined. Queen dead, sidelined. An ILLYRANIAN FEMALE KICKING ASS sidelined. I mean Christ that was Cassians goal! And nothing. NOTHING. Not even a handshake.

Rhys. It was plain uncomfortable. But someone mentioned SJM deliberately wrote Rhys that way for this book and that's true. In the Feyre POV she mentions "two mates" the reasonable one and the asshole so that, I think, is telling. He's def more HL and pulls rank in this book with everyone.

Rhys clearly witnesses Nestas trauma from her nightmare but there is no recognition with Nesta. Not a peep. Yet he clearly feels massive regret. Is that for our benefit, the readers? That at least we know. Don't hate on Rhys. (I like Rhys btw)

I'd have liked a full circle scene where they are back in THAT sitting room admiring baby Nyx and Nesta just says a few things. Cooly and calmly. She's happy they intervened, but for all their wisdom and years of living it left a lot to be desired. Nothing too crazy, just a few delivered lines, Nesta style.

Felt Nesta lost a little of her fire. But maybe you see it more from the others POV. Though they always provoked her and it was a defence mechanism. And she was a bitch at times. With others outside the IC it's clear she is not like that. Make what you will of that.

I know SJM doesn't like to over detail things but a moment with Feyre/Nyx/Nesta alone would have been nice.

The sisters never meeting Gwyn or Emerie. A scene like that would have been powerful.

Amren is as Mor rightly said is a "cranky old bastard". And "Welcome back to the Night Court Nesta Archeron" screamed, now that you've scrubbed up love come on home. I don't know. Amren was clearly done with Nesta she was the one that stood by her the most and got sick shit of her. All Amren can command is respect now and Nesta really wanted hers, possibly the most.

Can I make a point about people harping on about slut shaming. Amren made one catty observation, that Nesta would ride almost anything. No other character mentioned it. Not one. And Nesta enjoyed her bed partners, she refers to some of it (threesome!). There was zero shame. And SJM hates slut shaming. So stop. It's not a thing.

I'm nitpicking but there was a lot of hurt just left off. Perhaps that was the point. SJM was like, fuck it, Nesta doesn't want to feel that anger or resentment anymore she wants to live and be happy. She's found inner peace with herself and those that matter most. Me wanting justification for how they treated her at timea is not the point!!! Lol.

The painting, that stood out for me in ACOFAS. It hurt to read it. Maybe Feyre had nothing to paint of Nesta. They didn't talk. Share thoughts. I think Feyre asking Nesta herself to show her memories of The Rite so she could paint it would have had more impact. But it read very plainly like now you've earned your spot here...or I like you now or something. She was deliberately not there, perhaps until she wanted to be. Or finally accepted and embraced life with the IC. It was an unnecessary detail that just fueled the Feysand halo (again I like Feysand).

Nesta made those weapons therefore they are hers. Amren is power hungry. Rhys seems happy to hand them over. High King drama, I can see it. It could happen.

It's clear that Nesta didn't want to leave the NC, therefore she had to fall in. People have a problem with 'who's boss' but we've only ever had court dynamics from Rhys/Feyre POV. And they are the top dogs in the NC. We are going to have to get used of seeing Feysand make decisions from the outside. It's THEIR court. And to be fair, Feyre always had Nestas back.

And yes I believe you always have a choice with Rhys. I know some scoff at that.

Rhys kneeling to Nesta further proves our gal is a Queen. Feyre is the only one he's ever bowed to. SJM gave us that moment for Nesta and we will have to be content despite he's questionable aggressive behaviour. He clearly has issues with family given his past.

Enjoyed seeing a bit of Elaine. Finally. And Nesta delivered some home truths! Elaine needs to find some backbone. Really looking forward to her story. Go mad SJM!

Feysand POV should have been the fallout of Rhys keeping baby drama from Feyre. Now THAT I would want to hear. And perhaps Feyre saying to Nesta I'm "secretly glad you told me".

Eris I always found super interesting. It's clear to me he knows Mor is gay. Him helping her would have meant she was trapped in the AC. 'Rejecting her' allowed Rhys and Co to save her and to have freedom. She screwed him by keeping it secret. His arc will be with Lucien I think.

Az and Elaine not for me. Sorry. I'd like Lucien to find some happiness. I've spoken of this before see other posts. Az tortures people for a living, he has serious issues.

I've already spoken about Mor....remember her lol. Where is she! Ha! Actions speak louder than words with Mor. Winnow please my mate is being a dick, teach me to dance, dress shopping. But I guess she's Feyres friend, Nesta has hers. Nesta feeling ashamed as to how she treated Mor, will be interesting to see how Mor feels about that oul time when I was such a hypocrite, lol, what I really meant was....

There are 2 more books and a novella so who knows. Nessian ain't over.

Going to look forward to the fanfiction!

Thanks SJM.

#acosf spoilers #nesta archeron #nessian #a court of silver flames #elriel #feysand #sarah j maas #sjm #lucien vanserra #elucien #azriel

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simsadventures · 5 years

Text

Only Mine: Chapter 4: The Encounter Part I

Summary: You try to forget all about the night and the dinner you had with Bucky, but some people just won’t let you.

Warnings: mentions of violence, mentions of rape (trying not to be too explicit), angst, mobster AU

Word Count: 2244

A/N: Remember, you wanted it @sebbbystaaan and @kneel-begyourpardon. Don’t stone me for this little cliffhanger. Part II of The Encounter will come out tomorrow. Let me know what you thought xx

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist

< Previous Chapter

The next couple of days were a blur for Bucky. He couldn’t figure out how anyone would be so cold towards him, especially a woman. He tried to think back to the night the two of you spent together, that maybe he did something wrong, or that he maybe not performed the way he usually does. But he shook this thought off, remembering how your thighs quivered and how your whole body shook. This couldn’t be the reason then.

All the women always loved when he acted like an alpha around them, so he didn’t understand what your problem was with things like him ordering food for you. A weird thought appeared in front of his eyes. Maybe you really weren’t anything like the women he was used to, and that he genuinely had no idea how to treat a woman, but he dismissed this as well. Pff, he was Bucky Barnes, every woman would fall to their knees to just spend a night with him.

He was standing in his room, staring out the window at his backyard. He could see three gardeners trying to create something beautiful of the mess the grass and trees were at the moment, and he loved to see them work. It brought peace to his weary mind. But somebody disturbed the peace by knocking on his door.

“Yeah,” he rumbled but didn’t make any effort of looking who it was. He had the nagging feeling that it was either Steve, or Sam, or both, and he didn’t need to see their faces. He could get all the emotions just from their voices, especially when the three of them were together, his right hands always told him everything just like they felt it.

“Staring into the distance, thinking of your one try love, mate?” Sam asked, humour laced in his voice. He could hear Steve snicker behind him and Bucky just rolled his eyes at their childish behaviour.

“You wanted something particular, or did you come in to tease me?” Bucky growled, his eyes now closed, with his fingers massaging the root of his nose. They’ve been there for a few seconds, and they were already giving him a headache.

“Teasing? You think this is teasing? Teasing would be if we came back to the scene at the restaurant. Man! The way she sassed you and how you stay quiet, that was hilarious! We were a little worried that you bit your tongue. This, this would be teasing, old pal.” Steve was smirking at Bucky, who was now intently staring at the two of them, wishing they would turn into dust.

“Haha, so funny! You done, assholes? I do have better things to do than to listen to the two of you.”

“Like? Staring out the window like you’re the cover of a sad-boy’s album?” This time, Sam and Steve actually high-fived, and all Bucky could do was to sigh. He might have been the boss outside the room, but here, in his personal quarter, they were just three old friends, teasing the hell out of each other. Bucky just hated that it was now his turn to be in the burning seat.

“Give me a break, ok? I just never met a woman like her, that’s all. But she made it very clear that she wasn’t interested and I’m not gonna hunt her down. I’ve got better things to do than to think about some sassy-big-mouthed girl. Any word on Pierce?”

Both of the men in front of Bucky shook their heads. “Nope, nothing. Apparently, he is still very much on the West Coast, and if he likes his own life, he’s gonna stay there. Don’t worry about him, we’re gonna make sure he stays where he should. Speaking of shoulds,” Sam said, and looked at Steve, importantly.

“Right, we should get on the streets today. There are some bastards roaming the city, raping young women. We should make a purge and show them what happens to guys like them. I spoke to the Commissioner of the NYPD, and he said that their forces could help us, we just gotta call them. He told me, that they almost had the guys, but that they weren’t scared of the cops one bit, and the Commissioner thinks they would be scared of us. He also gave us full permission to do whatever we think is necessary. He just wants them out of the city.”

Bucky nodded and clenched his jaw. He hated men like that. He might have been a jerk, but all his women went with him willingly, or, at least, he wouldn’t push himself on them sexually. He also hated the fact that some asshole thought it was a good idea to start that shit in his city.

“Call the Commissioner, and tell him that the patrols that would see anything suspicious should call us directly and that we’ll handle it. Let’s hope it’ll be enough, and that it will be over with quickly. Do we know anything about them?”

Sam was thinking for a while, as was Steve. When they felt like they thought of everything that could be important, they switched between the two of them and told it all to Bucky.

“There are two of them, apparently taking turns at the girls.”

“They sometimes take two girls, one for each. Most of the time, they, however, take one girl, and when they’re done with her, they look for another one, so they have at least two girls a night.”

“Which tells us they must be on the younger side of the spectrum, having the stamina for two rounds, pretty quickly after each other.”

“They use condoms, so the hype is not in breeding the women, but maybe over-powering them? They apparently don’t have a type, their victims vary from the colour of their skin to their height.”

“But, we do know that their favourite part of New York is Brooklyn, only one of the 10 rapes they managed to do happened outside of Brooklyn, so we should be stationed somewhere around there.”

Bucky listened intently, making mental notes and preparing a plan for the night, or several nights ahead of them. For a second, his mind wandered towards you, if you were fine, and if you would be fine, but he quickly dismissed the thought and concentrated on the task at hand. They had an eventful night ahead of them.

—-

Getting Bucky out of your head was easier than you thought. Mostly because you were buried in your work, deadlines licking your heels and you knew you’d catch absolute hell if you didn’t finish in time.

What also helped was that you couldn’t meet him anywhere. Because the two of you lived such different lives, you were almost a hundred per cent sure there wasn’t a possibility of the two of you randomly meeting again. Once was enough and you didn’t need him threatening you go on another date with him. You inwardly rolled your eyes at yourself, reminding you that it wasn’t a date and that you definitely didn’t want it to be one.

Bucky was a mobster, and you definitely didn’t have his icy eyes in front of you when you were falling asleep. Not. At. All. But, to tell the truth, that was the only time you actually thought of him, otherwise being pretty busy.

Natasha loved every detail of that night, and you thought she would soon start writing down quotes from the date. She was obsessed with someone putting Bucky in his place, even more so that it was her best friend who did that, and she had first-hand details of the encounter.

You were sitting at the publishing house, with 5 other people, all of you catching up with your work. Among others, a new secretary of the editorial director. She looked like a sweet girl, even if you thought she was a little too dolled-up for pretty much an all-nighter at a publishing house, with a bunch of uninterested people. Your director was gay, so there was no chance she would be able to get to him, and other than that, it was you, Kate, and Bruce, who was currently single, but too shy to even look Tania’s way.

You and Kate were discussing the best approach to one of the Young Adult books you were currently trying to edit so that it could be sold in the shortest amount of time. You felt a light tap on your shoulder, and when you turned, you could see Tania sitting on your desk. You cringed inwardly, really hating when people invaded your personal space but tried to remain calm and collected. It was still a long night ahead of you.

“I thought I knew you from somewhere, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. You were out on Friday night, weren’t you?” She asked sweetly, but the smile on her face didn’t reach her eyes.

You smiled politely and nodded. Not that it was any of her business anyway. “Well if you saw me, then I must have been out, right?” You started to turn back to Kate, who was obviously trying not to laugh but failing miserably. Tania’s hand stopped you.

“So you’re the girl of the month, then? Huh, would never guess his demands got so low but good for you. The best month of your life awaits you until he decides that you’re old news and kicks you out like a stray dog.”

There was so much venom in her voice that you were surprised she didn’t poison you spitting at you.

“Sounds like you have the first-hand experience with that, sweetheart!” You smiled oh-so-sweetly at her, and she was now sending daggers through her eyes. “Look, Tania, I don’t know what you think you saw, but it was just one dinner, and I’m definitely the girl of no month. I bet Bucky is a great guy for the month, but I’m seriously not interested. So you can stop keeping me away from my job, and maybe start doing yours and bring us all coffee?”

You were a bitch, and you knew it, but you just couldn’t help yourself. You hated when people were nosey and would ask you unnecessary questions about your personal life. It was called personal for a reason.

She scoffed, but got up from your table (not before she “accidentally” pushed some of the papers from the table on the floor) and asked everyone around if anyone else wanted some hot beverage. Everyone hummed in agreement, but never stopped with their works.

Kate showed you thumbs up excitedly but otherwise dropped the case, knowing you two could gossip about what just happened after the deadlines were closed and your asses weren’t catching on fire.

It was around 2 AM that you could finally send out all the files you were supposed to, and despite your exhaustion, you couldn’t help but feel happy and relieved. Tania went home around 11 PM telling you all that she wasn’t cut out for such things, and that she better go home to be fresh and pretty the next morning. You collectively rolled your eyes at her but left it without a comment, feeling like she wouldn’t get the sarcastic comments that were on the tip of your tongue.

You said your goodbyes with Kate, and both walked in different directions. You would typically put in your headphones and zone out, but you were aware that it was quite late, and that even if New York acted as the safe city because of Bucky and his crew, you heard about few rapes around Brooklyn and you didn’t want to take a chance.

So you casually walked down the pavement, thinking about how you didn’t want to get up the next morning, knowing it would be a massive pain in the ass. Your mind also wandered towards your breakfast, trying to imagine the contents of your fridge to think of what you were gonna make the next morning.

As you were deciding between scrambled eggs and pancakes, somebody behind you whistled. You paid no mind to it, thinking that it definitely wasn’t at you. But when the whistling came from much closer behind you, followed by a low “pussycat”. You could hear a chuckle, which sounded like coming from a different man, and a cold sweat burst on your forehead, while a shiver ran down your spine.

You quickened your pace, hearing that they did the same, and you suddenly felt the rush of adrenaline in your blood. You didn’t want to die, or be used like that, and tried to think of anything that would get you out of the situation. You got to run. You knew you wouldn’t be able to fight them, especially if there were two of them, but you weren’t willing to take a look and lose time with it. But even without turning, you could hear them getting closer every second, and when you could feel a hand on your shoulder, harshly grabbing you, you did the only thing that was left. You let out a loud shriek, which was quickly muffled by a hand over your mouth. Your eyes watered instantly, you were trashing in the attacker’s arms, trying to get free, but he wouldn’t budge. You never thought you would end up here, and with this thought, your mind grew hazy, and your body went limp.

/ Next Chapter >

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mor-beck-more-problems · 4 years

Text

Texas Hold ‘Em || Solo

TIMING: Recent

LOCATION: Houston, Texas

SUMMARY: Morgan strikes a bargain to seal the deal on her revenge, but it’s going to cost more than she reckoned on.

The exorcist pulled up to the hotel at two in the morning, left her Ford pickup with the sleepy eyed valet worker, and moseyed into the lobby, grave ash and dust trailing onto the marble tile in her wake. Morgan watched her from the safety of her chair in the lobby, pressing against the armrests to straighten her back and look taller. She wanted this to be quick and simple. Deirdre was asleep and they had a plane to catch in the next six hours. There was only so much time before White Crest wrapped its claws around them and she needed this last thing to be easy, because nothing else that happened when they got home would be.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice,” she said, greeting the exorcist by way of gesturing her to sit in the chair opposite. “There’s complimentary chocolate chip cookies, if you’ve got the munchies,” she said, trying her best to smile.

“Not interested,” the exorcist drawled. “This place gives me the creeps.”

“Oh. Noted.”

They sat in silence, looking at each other. Morgan wasn’t sure if Rebecca and Jasmine had given her the wrong idea about exorcists, or if this one woman, dug up down a daisy chain of referrals starting with Cassie and stretching halfway across the country, simply elected to dress in iron tipped cowboy boots and leather vests out of personal preference. The exorcist was at least as old as Rebecca, with sunburnt wrinkles around her eyes and a brittleness that worked its way from her dusty fingers to her lank blonde hair. Morgan, for her part, had borrowed some of Deirdre’s makeup and jewelry in an effort to look more commanding and assured. She didn’t want to broadcast the extent of her desperation. How much she was willing to pay. How far she had already come. Morgan was sure she’d talked to every exorcist with a listed number this side of the Mississippi for help, but all of them considered themselves under-experienced, underequipped, or simply unwilling to do what Morgan asked. She had trucked on, because to accept that there was no one within reach was to accept that Constance had won, and Morgan couldn’t do that without feeling a piece of her soul go up in flames and char. She hid her fear behind a smile and a self deprecating laugh, but she’d run out of backup plans.

“Jose told me you’ve got your hands on some sensitive material,” the exorcist said. “I’ll be straight with you: I want that text in addition to my fee. Not a copy, the original.”

Morgan stiffened. “Why?”

“Does it matter? No original, no exorcism.”

Morgan’s jaw clenched. Only now did she notice the hollowness in the exorcist’s look, the hard lines that reminded Morgan of every cruel face she had met. Under other circumstances, she might have told the exorcist their meeting was finished. This wasn’t the kind of person she wanted to owe anything toward or trusted with a ritual this powerful. But under other circumstances, she wouldn’t need this in the first place. And this was hardly the first person of questionable intentions she’d worked with. When the family had been hanging over her, there was no such thing. There was only getting free or staying under Constance’s feet. The same was true now: stay hunted and haunted and beaten, or take matters into her own hands. It was just her pride, the way Remmy had turned away from her in the backyard and the way Jasmine called her a hypocrite for believing in kindness as if that was synonymous with accepting a position as a child’s torture toy for the rest of her existence. Or, better still, sending her off with a pat on the back and a ‘have fun in the afterlife.’ A peaceful sleep, something Morgan was never going to know any more than a life spent without that cruel, miserable girl’s shadow over her. She hesitated because she was tired of being misunderstood. Of people talking to her like she was the monster. She didn’t want to give them an inch to feel like they were right. But the character of energy was all in its use. One woman’s monster was another’s salvation. And Morgan didn’t have time to be choosy if she wanted to keep the body count to a minimum.

“Fine,” she said at last. “After you’ve done your job, successfully, it’s yours.”

“And I’ll need more than the fee we discussed for materials and labor. You want this done the right way, you can’t go half-assing the ingredients. And with the kind of harm you’re looking to unleash--”

“I have the materials gathered. I did all the labor myself. If there’s really such a thing as bestowing intentions on an object when you’re a zombie, the items you’ll need will be chock full of how much I need this little bitch to suffer for what she did to me and my family.”

The exorcist laughed dryly. “That’s not possible.”

Morgan produced a screenshot on her tablet of the pages she’d torn from that crusty old professor’s book, carefully preserved in clear sleeves, and dotted with sticky notes translating the text and documenting her ‘shopping list.’ The exorcist gave the pictures a once over, her face inscrutable.

“Well?” Morgan said. She had broken laws for this. Worse than that, she had broken pieces of herself her friends had held up and broken their ties to her along with it.

“Well I’ll be,” the exorcist said. “I’ve always wanted to do one of these. And the linguistics, marrying the latin to the french, the craftsmanship of the text-- this bitch is going to feel like she’s being raked apart from the inside out.”

“Good,” Morgan said shortly. “Can you get to Maine on your own or do I need to cover that too?”

“I’ve got some business up north to take care of. I’ll make my own way. But what do you mean when you say you did all the labor, already?”

“I wasn’t aware that was an ambiguous statement.”

“Well, given your timetable isn’t for a few weeks yet, I’d be surprised if you had the source gathered already, or else you are a very different kind of woman than what I’ve taken you for.”

“The source? Aren’t you the source? The source of energy? The caster in this scenario?”

The exorcist snorted, hiding her face in her sleeve while she gathered her composure.

“I don’t--I’d appreciate some clarity. If there’s been a misunderstanding--” She would do anything to fix it. She needed this done.

“I don’t think I’d be much help in the exorcism if you had me hogtied and bleeding over a pit,” the exorcist said, laughing harder. “The source of the pain. Now, in the revolution in gay pair-ee, some of these folks would get together and do a little blood letting themselves, and when you’ve got a circle of six or more, that’s fine. But from what my grandpa said, most of the time they had a live one on deck, someone they could make suffer twice over. The source is pain and blood, Ms. Beck. You don’t have to cut a man open in the circle, I don’t need to be a witness to anything that might give me trouble, but this isn’t some butcher’s blood pissbaby shit. You need to make someone bleed like you’d make her bleed. That’s how we open the channel, that’s how we drag your ghost out of this plane kicking and screaming. Are you telling me you’re gonna cover that too?”

Morgan was silent for several moments, her hands pulling at the upholstery on her chair so hard the threads snapped. She wasn’t a monster. She wasn’t like Constance. She kept her messes contained. She didn’t take things out on people who had done nothing wrong if she could help it. She didn’t make people carry her shit for terrible reasons. And maybe she’d been a coward in life, but she had a lot fewer fucks to give now that she was dead. And yet… and yet… Morgan bowed her head and breathed deep. “If that’s what it takes, then yes.”

#texas hold em #wr solo #wr chatzy #wickedswriting

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bre95611 · 5 years

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Yellow Fever and Last Call: Subtextual Bisexuality as an Art Form

HI so Last Call had me sobbing with all the blatant subtext we were given, and I just needed to come scream about it. I will be referencing this post of mine quite a bit.

I’m going to be looking specifically at call backs to Yellow Fever, and honestly, even without the callbacks, this episode in my mind completely canonically confirmed Dean is a bisexual man. But Yellow Fever holds a very special place in my heart, and I just have to scream some more about these two damn episodes that are hands down my favorite of the entire damn series.

In Yellow Fever, Dean gets ghost sickness and hilarity ensues. But if we look at the subtext for it, we learn a whole lot about Dean’s closeted bisexuality. A lot can be inferred in that episode, and almost all of it has to do with the fact that Dean didn’t want to acknowledge his bisexuality and his less traditionally masculine side. As the sickness progress, he essentially becomes scared to death because of his attraction to men, something that is subtextually present in the narratives of the other men that died as well (They played for the Gamecocks and the Corn Jerkers, Frank O’Brien’s wedding ring was found in that lumber mill that looks like a prime cruising ground, the Sheriff keeps saying “they know, they know” when he starts to truly lose it i.e. they know they’re all gay, it goes on and on you guys). So let’s look at some specific moments.

1. Dean and the Deputy

-When Sam and Dean first arrive at the Sheriff’s Station, There is a cute, awkward little smile between Dean and Deputy Linus. Presh. This is just at the beginnings of Dean’s ghost sickness. But later, when Dean is full blown drunk because he can’t function with his fear of everything, this happens:

Dean does it, hits on a guy cause he’s drunk and has nothing to lose, and by god that baby face Deputy flirts back and Dean is FLUSTERED. Just look!

In Last Call, Dean pretty immediately runs into Sheriff Dillon who, bless his little heart, can’t stop smiling at Dean. He pokes fun at Agent “Dukes”, tries to show off talking about how he could have been the next Denzel. And then the Sheriff tells Dean that “he’s got the look” and should give Hollywood a shot.

And you know what is different here? Dean just rolls with it. You can see on his face that he understands this Sheriff is hitting on him, and that is not the look of a man uncomfortable with being hit on by men, this just looks like someone uninterested. Talk about growth!

2. The ghost of John Winchester

- So John comes up a LOT in the mini meta I wrote for Yellow Fever, and I’m just gonna take it a little further here. When Dean’s hallucinations first start, it is when he is looking at the book, and he reads a ton of stuff that essentially just pokes at his fragile masculinity. And Dean’s early inability to really show emotions, ask for help, or anything that could be seen as more feminine was all thanks to John Winchester, who raised Dean to think he was never good enough, and that he was only worth anything when he was being a good hunter. It shows that a huge factor for a closeted Dean is that his dad was abusive, especially in regards to Dean’s softer side. So the fact that Leo asks after his father, talks about how he always liked him, and Dean talks about how John liked Leo? Oh yeah. They were definitely doing it right under John’s nose.

So once again we have John’s link to Dean’s sexuality being shown, and once again, in 2 different ways. In Yellow Fever, negative and toxic, and now in Last Call, they toast John’s memory and make heart eyes at each other while talking about the time John caught them drunk together during some hunt. Bet ya $5 John didn’t catch them just drinking.

3. The Cat

-Oh man. So earlier in Yellow Fever, when they’re interviewing the dude with a ton of snakes, we see Dean losing his absolute shit when that giant python crawls all over him. And as I think we are all aware of, its representative of a dick. Duh. One that is less obvious the later into the episode we get though, is the cat. What’s another word for cat, friends? That also happens to be a euphemism for female genitalia? You guessed it. So when Dean freaks out about that cat jumping out of the locker, its a visualization of Dean’s fear of only being with women for the rest of his life.

And of all the crazy and funny shit that happened during Dean’s ghost sickness, Dean chose to tell his subtextual male early 20s lover about being afraid of the pussy.

God, this damn episode. Oof. These 3 specific call backs, 4 if you count that throw away reference to the blooper of Jensen lip syncing Eye of the Tiger, put this episode fresh in our minds, and we as an audience really need to ask ourselves why Yellow Fever was chosen as the episode so heavily referenced, and this is why. Dean is a bisexual man, and every second of Last Call smacked us in the face with it. I could do a break down of every bisexual subtextual moment, but I would just be citing the entire damn thing. But Yellow Fever’s purpose in this episode is to show us some growth in regards to Dean’s OWN FEELINGS in regards to his sexuality. Yellow Fever paints it as dangerous for him to come out, all the queer coded men were dying of ghost sickness, he was afraid of anything and everything remotely phallic, and his dad’s influence over Dean’s formative years was ever present through the fear of that toxic and fragile masculinity.

But in Last Call, we see Dean mostly indifferent to the Sheriff blatantly hitting on him, and again with all of Lorna’s flirting, only having eyes for his BFF with the dark hair and blue eyes. We see him embracing a less masculine trait by performing with Leo, and that ass smack?? And the super deep “You son of a bitch” with that smile??? Just kill me. And the discussions of John being focused almost exclusively NOT on John? Showing Dean beginning to move on and heal as he distances himself from his father’s toxic parenting? Allowing him to more fully be himself? Allowing him to enjoy things other than what John would approve of?

Dean Winchester, over the last several seasons has been slowly but surely growing into a man that is comfortable with his sexuality, a man that is capable of talking about his feelings, and is growing to see that it doesn’t matter whatever toxic bullshit he had been raised to believe about “What It Means to Be a Man”. From the Summer of Love with Crowley, to meeting Cesar and Jesse, to now, finally, during his post divorce “find yourself” trip, he runs into his ex-hunting hookup and sees better for himself. He sees a life he enjoys, and I think he is finally starting to realize just who it is he really wants to be up there on stage singing a duet with him.

@verobatto-angelxhunter @agusvedder @casthewise @theirprofoundbond

All gifs are from @canonspngifs

#Dean Winchester is Bi #Season 15 Positive Spec #Season 15 meta #Dean Winchester #Leo Webb #Lee Webb #Yellow Fever #Last Call #spn 4x06 #spn 15x07 #my meta

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jq37 · 5 years

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The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 14

Brennan Says It’s My Turn With The Daddy Issues

So we’re in hell--literally, not emotionally (at least for the moment). We being Fig, Riz, Gilear, the Hangman, and the blood-imp valet that Fig created last week who is ostensibly named Wretchrot but also picks up the nickname Baby this episode because of shenanigans. Wretchrot brings them all to where they’ll be staying, says a bunch of wild stuff in his weird Rita Repulsa voice, and drinks Fig’s blood which is what he is made of. Riz is bullied by the Hangman and misses the other half of his Nerd Squad.

Anyway, Wretchrot takes the group on a little tour of Gorthalax’s stuff starting with the library which includes books that steal souls and also legal texts (redundant). Fig looks for a book on devil dating advice while Riz looks for something on the Hellish legal system On a 17, Fig finds a Manual for Succubi and Incubi about extracting souls via the penis. More helpfully, on a 16, Riz finds out that coups are baked into the ruling system of hell and killing someone to ascend to the throne is pretty par for the course.

Next up is the hall of treasures where there are suits of armor themed to the 7 deadly sins including kinky, gimp, Lust armor they briefly consider equipping either Gilear or Kristen with (Ally breaks at that). There are also these Venitian style masks through which the people who failed to kill Gorthalax to take his place are forced to watch him do his thing.

They pass through a hall of mirrors which they realize is a kind of security system as it shows things as they really are. Wretchrot appears in the mirror as a drop of Fig’s blood. The Hangman appears as a huge puppy!!!! (OK, a hellhound but all canines are puppies). Riz holds up the photo of Kalina to the mirror and, in the mirror, can’t see her in the photo. However, he does she her in the mirror itself. She waves at him and then appears “in person”. Fig doesn’t know this is going on and asks Riz if he’s emotionally OK with the fact that they just whip out the photo of his dead dad on the regular. Riz says it’s fine but he quickly becomes less fine when Kalina asks if he'd like to see his dad. He starts to answer her out loud but she tells him that, by talking out loud, he’s tipped off Fig potentially so he should lose her and then meet her alone. The Hangman guards everyone while Riz and Fig split up, to find stuff to test in front of the mirror. Well, that’s the stated plan anyway.

Back in Arborly, Adaine is getting to check an item off of her Teen Girl Life Experiences checklist: Spilling Tea About Your Friend’s New GF. She gleefully does the whole, “I can’t tell you but I’ll tell you if you guess right,” routine before outright confirming that while crustacean shenanigans were happening in the house Fig and Ayda were sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Everyone in the group goes feral over the news, especially the Gay Squad. She vaguely recalls that Ayda also told her some information about a rune or something but everyone agrees that she retained the most important information.

They decide to call Aguefort about their coins and the rune (Kristen wisely having all the infected people leave the room). Aguefort tells them that the coins that they have comprise Kalvaxus’s hoard but not his original hoard as it has been spent and invested and put into the economy. Classic Ship of Theseus problem (ie: If you have a ship and you start replacing damaged parts of it, by the time you've replaced all the parts, is it even the same ship?). He also reminds them that spending the gold as quickly as possible is a good idea to avoid the dragon madness curse which is on all dragon gold (a weak but very hard to break curse). That prompts Adaine to describe the rune she discovered to him and he tells her basically the same stuff Ayda did last episode. She wonders if dragon madness could be the larger, static curse under which the trojan horse curse (the spellbook) is hiding. Gorgug wants to give all of the gold away and Fabian is not about that life at all.

Back in hell (literally and emotionally now) Riz prepares to meet Kalina. With a 25 Investigation, he finds a sliver of mirror that he can bring with him to keep from being tricked. He’s also mindful of being paralyzed while he’s with Kalina at the edge of a hell cliff so he anchors himself with a rope tied around his waist. Kalina is her usual aloof, darkly charming self when they speak and Riz is pretty flustered, asking if she was his dad’s familiar (no). Kalina says that Riz didn’t really know his dad and the question he isn’t asking but should be is how did his dad meet her in the first place.

She takes him to a little secret passageway which she says goes to a liminal place where he can see between the levels. She gives him the help action to get a good look (which makes Murph extremely nervous) but he only gets an 11 which means all that he sees is a cold, white light coming from the opening. He tries to use his mirror to look inside but on a 13 dex save, his footing is shaky and some rocks fall down the side of the cliff (he’s fine). Kalina says that he’s gonna have to man up and walk down the tunnel if he wants to see what’s going on. She fully reveals that she’s incorporeal and can’t actually touch him to mess with him if that helps at all.

Riz is clearly struggling with the choice but he ultimately decides that he can’t pass up this chance and that he can trust Fig to rescue him if things go south. He leaves her a note and then steps through. Within the tunnel, he can feel things watching him and hear a chittering that’s weirdly somehow coming from him. In front of him is a smoky room lit by a cone of light--think interrogation room in an old detective show. In a chair, covered in blood and shit and tattered clothes is Pok Gukgak, gagged and chained. Riz reaches for him but, as he tries to step forward, he reaches the end of his rope. Someone unseen splashes Pok with water and tells him to “confess” and “tell us what you know.” Riz pulls out his gun--his dad’s gun--to shoot out the light. As he does, a thought comes unbidden: You know what the kind thing to do with that gun would be. That shakes Riz so he lowers the gun and starts to untie himself. He’s stopped by Kalina (speaking in his mind) who tells him that if he steps in the light, he’ll be on another level of hell in the Iron City of Dis for real. Not just looking in. Riz pulls out his mirror shard and confirms that it really is his dad in there being tortured. He leaves the tunnel.

Kalina says that she knows Riz is all hopped up on doing his quest and stopping the Nightmare King but if he just stops, if they all stop, none of his friends will have to die and, bonus, maybe there will be a little rescue mission for his dad in it for him. Riz wants to know if Pok knew what her true nature was and he seems to think he cheated on his mom with her (“I know what happened between you two. I can do the math.” Which seems logistically improbable but OK). She reminds him that Pok was a spy which means it’s naive to think that every thing he did was good and taunts him about his clue hound nature before vanishing.

Riz meets up back with Gilear and Fig and he spills about everything. Gilear wants Riz to have lunch and drink some water before he does anything rash. Fig says that they don’t need Kalina to rescue Pok. They know crazy-person Bill Seacaster who’s also in hell. She lights a beacon to help him find them (if you remember, the Hangman has been attempting to contact him for Fabian). One thing I didn’t mention before is that Fig brought up the idea of temporarily installing herself as the ruler of Gorthalax's section of hell so she’d be a powerful enough devil (or devil-adjacent entity) to get them into Sylvere. Wretchrot said it was probably a no-go since she’s half mortal but, now, on a 29 Riz re-reads his legal book and realizes that Fig wouldn’t actually have to kill Gorthalax to take his place, she just needs to defeat him, which she technically has by putting him in a gem and they put that together almost before Brennan is done narrating. They have a new plan.

The other Bad Kids are discussing what Arianwyn is up to and Gorgug suggests that maybe she’s not actually working with Kalina. Maybe she’s playing along but actually has ulterior motives. Kristen looks at Arianwyn’s notes and on a 24 “Empath Roll” (Brennan converts this Ally-ism to an Insight check) sees that at a certain point, Arianwyn started making leaps in her research that were too lucky and suggest someone was helping her--possibly the entity she was researching. Adaine thinks about calling her mom using Sending or her new Sinod of Spire spell but Ayda calls Adaine and asks if she can come over. Of course she can. She comes with her recently summoned tropical fish familiar in a bubble of water--it has the very Albus Severus name of “Garthy and Adaine the Fish” which Adaine is thrilled about but also suggests shortening to GAF (and also considering reconstituting it into a cuddlier form--though the image of her dumping Boggy into GAF’s bubble is super adorable). Meanwhile, Kristen is thrilled to welcome her to “the family” because being gay is the same as visiting an Olive Garden (this is a shirt now because Ally said it which is too much power to give to Ally). Ayda kinda sucks some of the fun out of teasing her about her relationship with Fig by being extremely forthright about it but Kristen and Adaine brighten at the thought that Fig will be a lot more fun to tease.

But, back to business. Ayda has not slept because she’s been working on getting to Fig. The whole group is like, “Bitch, are you OK?” and give her an ice cream sandwich which is proper Good Friend Protocol if you have them on hand I think. Ayda is super worried about Fig and is just about ready to unmake everything standing between them (Normal lesbian move according to Kristen). They talk her down for the moment in favor of sending Fig a message: Fig you sneaky bitch. Ayda’s here. She wants to invade hell. You good? PS: OOOOOOOOOOOH. PPS: Ask Kalvaxus about dragon madness. Fig completely misses the fact that they know what’s going on with Ayda (you’d think they’d be more in sync which each others’ texting shorthand) and sends back a message saying she hopes they have fun with her but, “not too much fun,” and also that she, “is king” with no further explanation. Wild.

Ayda, who is still super keyed up to get Fig, thinks she can figure out the Planeshift spell but she needs more time to work on the spell which she could get...if they steal her dad’s time stopping pocketwatch. Considering they watched Aguefort grab the sun out of the sky the other day, they’re not super down to have a possibly adverse encounter with the man but they hear her out. While they do that, Gorgug takes his now working phone and just straight up calls the guy, explaining the situation (including Ayda’s involvement) and asking to borrow the watch. Aguefort is a little taken aback by the fact that Ayda would want any kind of contact with him at all because about 300 years back, she told him to never contact her again and that she would leave notes to her future self detailing why, which is why he hasn’t really been in her life. He lets him borrow the watch for a week (after which time it will return to him) and asks him to tell Ayda what they talked about, leaving the door open for a possible future relationship between them. When Gorgug returns with the watch and the news, Ayda breaks a little and reveals she didn’t even know she was that old. Presumably because her notes start about 150 years ago with an apology that her past self wanted a fresh start and destroyed the last several batches of notes. She hates herself for doing that and Kristen gently tries to get her to cool it with the negative self talk. Then, they hit the button on the watch and they have a week to work.

The Wizards work on Planeshift. Fabian and Kristen go to the shrine and Kristen--mirroring her vision from episode 1--sits down to draw the unknown goddess from the mural. Her Spirit Guardians emerge and start to kinda deride her for the sincerity of her action. She in turn decides that she’s done with this wishy-washy “above it all” attitude and dismisses her Spirit Guardians for good (making her, as far as I can tell, the only cleric in Solace with a 100% turnover rate on her Spirit Guardians). She finishes the picture and it feels somehow significant, to her and to Tracker too (who can look at it without wolf-raging out). Gorgug uses the time to “get smarter” which bumps his score from an 8 to a 9 (which has no mechanical implications). Ayda is also working on a side project but she’s keeping it a secret from Adaine.

In hell, the tribunal is called back in session. Fig comes in ready to claim her hell passport and the throne along with it. On a big ol’ 30 persuasion check--and because the law is on her side--Vrath is reluctantly convinced to confer upon Fig the title of arch-devil (via a full lip kiss which is some Poison Ivy bs) The new title comes with an upside pentagram mark on her forehead, full fire immunity (very convenient considering her new constantly on fire gf), and resistance to poison. However, Vraz is about to force the Hangman to stay in hell due to a legal technicality when who walks in but BILL FORKING SEACASTER, who invokes the law of the blade and immediately starts stabbing their way out of there and hustles the group to his ship (Goldenhoard’s reshaped corpse) which was indirectly named by Fig we learned after the thing that would annoy him the most--The Goldenrod.

Bill gives Fig (who is feeling iffy about her archdevil decision) a pep talk before fully signing up for the rescue mission of the dad of his son’s BFF. We also learn that Alastair Ash is interning on Bill’s ship! He’s pretty happy to see Fig and Riz but if he sees Fabian he’s fully gonna kill him. Right around now, the Bad Kids not in hell remember they can talk to the group via the Hangman and check in since the week of stopped time is up. The Hangman is like, “YOU NEED TO COME HELP US RIGHT AWAY!” They (everyone but the HangVan) Planeshift onto the deck of the Goldenrod which is being targeted by monsters and devils commanded by Vraz. Alastair makes good on his threat and starts trying to shank Fabian immediately (which Bill is hilariously blase about). Ayda opens up a portal to the sea and tries to flood Hell from the top down but Fig stops her, saying that they need to get to the second level to save Pok which seems like it will be quite a task with all the monsters Vraz is throwing at them. Luckily, Bill has money for days (and that money is somehow worth something in hell) and has a whole fleet to back them up for our big Hell Pirate Battle next episode!

Detention

Gorgug for Bad Gossip Etiquette

Look, obviously Kalina was the worst person in this episode. Like, duh. But, also, it feels like cheating to punish the Vader of the series for doing something bad. Like, yeah! That’s what she’s supposed to be doing!

So, instead, today’s dubious honor goes to Gorgug for the much less damning but more relatable sin of making his girlfriend aware of tea but not spilling it. Say it all or say nothing!

Honor Roll

Gorgug for Being More Insightful Than His 8 9 Int Would Suggest

Back to back double awards.

Wisdom is not the same as Intelligence and I actually have no idea what Gorgug’s Wisdom score is on paper but he showed a lot of in this episode.

I think he’s been the first person to suggest that whatever’s going on with Arianwyn might not be as cut and dry as it seems and then, of course, he decided to, instead of trying to Ocean’s 11 Aguefort to just slip out and have a quick heart to heart with him. One that affects him surprisingly deeply. And him bringing up his own experiences with no knowing who his birth dad was was just the chef’s kiss on top of it all.

I don’t think Brennan actually intended them to Oceans 11 Aguefort because that would be crazy, but Gorgug is the one who stepped up to solve the problem for the group with a little compassion and I think that more than earns him the spot.

Random Thoughts

Trailer for Season 5 is dropping Thursday so get hyped!

“Are you looking for the Teen Zone of the bottomless pit?”

“The fief of this dom.”

“You’re a little nerd. Tell the cool girl what you know.”

“If I had new parts, where would they go?”

I love Fabian’s confident assertion that Ayda would “love shrimp river”.

Line of the night goes to Ragh for, “Frankly, bringing up the rune in this context is homophobic.” And Adaine’s followup of, “I apologize. As an ally, I’m always learning,” was also great.

I love that the girls instantly understand Fig’s earlier hot tub comment with the new context but the boys are still clueless.

Watching Emily and Murph have their own little side adventure was so great. They are so fun together and they were clearly having a blast.

I wonder if Gorthalax can tell than Fig just got his title. Either via the title itself or his patron status.

Fig bringing up Riz’s dad to be like, “Are you OK?” caught me so off guard and it seems like it caught Riz off guard too. I hadn’t really thought about it but the fact that Fig had is just another example of her being extremely bighearted and doing a bad job of hiding it.

Emily’s impotent “rage” as all the party members loudly gossiped about her and Ayda and she couldn’t do anything about it because she wasn’t in the scene was *golden*.

Kalina leaves Riz so he can watch his dad but, if you think about it, that’s all placebo because she couldn’t do anything to him whether she’s appearing to him or not and she can watch through his eyes regardless anyway so it’s just like, “Do you want me to be visibly watching you or invisibly watching you?”

Does Kalina have, like, a range? Like, if she can literally just see out of the eyes of people that she’s infected, that limits her to a certain cone of vision and range of movement. But it seems like she can appear to a person and move independently around them to some degree, see things they can’t, point things out, and move away from them. How far away? How independent can she be? What are the logistics here?

Also, on the topic of logistics, it seems extremely hard to know someone for as long as Pok knew Kalina and not realize they’re non-corporeal. Like, even if you’re not a touchy person, eventually you’re gonna bump into them (or, in this case, not bump into them).

Man, the dice really hated Murph this week and, honestly, good. His scenes, imo, work so much better if he doesn’t get to Ally his way out of them with a Nat 20. Him being toyed with by Kalina and unsure and lost is the more interesting version of this sequence of events.

I feel like he made some big swings and misses this ep though. Like, asking if she was Pok’s familiar? Why would that have been a thing? I’m surprised he didn’t ask if he was the goddess’s familiar--though I guess they might not want to let on how much they know but bringing up the concept that she’s anyone’s familliar I think is kinda of giving the game away.

“I have a hard time making conversation with my friends, let alone you” Riiiiiiiiiiz.

Kalina brought up Kristen to Riz specifically, which I find interesting. (She also said that Kristen used to worship Sol which isn’t strictly true, she worshiped Helio, but same family and that was likely just a slip of the tongue from Brennan. Just wanted to point it out).

Who does Kalina even work for? Like, it seems like she’s working with the Nightmare King but if she’s the mystery goddess’s familiar like we all think then that’s weird because it doesn’t seem like the NK and mystery goddess are together. Like, a part of me is just dumping everyone antagonistic to the Bad Kids into the same “Bad” bucket in my head but there’s no way all of these people have totally aligned goals.

“Dragon madness 69”

It’s brought up again in this episode that some of Arianwyn’s research was requisitioned by Pok earlier which I want to ascribe significance to but I’m not in a theorizing headspace right now so I’ll just point it out for anyone who does want to play Gukgak.

I’ve been kinda wondering about the logistics of Aguefort and Ayda and how old that dude is but I totally forgot Chronoancy was a factor which I guess indirectly answers any and all questions about that. It also adds some dimension to his character that time travel is a thing that kinda makes you feel unmoored from time, which I think goes some way (though not all of the way) in explaining why he’s so feral. And, speaking of Aguefort insanity, he was also at the party Zelda was at last episode in the form of an owl as the beer pong mascot. Which Gorgug has Thoughts about.

I really really want Adaine to talk to her mom in the Synod of Spires. Have you guys realized that, for as much of a driving force Arianwyn’s been this season, she’s had almost no dialogue? She has talked I think 3 times total in all of FH: During Adaine’s intro, Apologizing to her when Aelwen was arrested, and the Message Adaine found from her last episode. That’s it. We know almost nothing about her. What is her deal? Also, Siobhan just always kills during all of her one-on-one scenes and I’m biased.

Love the return of the Bad Kids being unable to make a phone call and stealing the phone from each other to tag in with their own nonsense.

Wild that Gorgug was able to get through to Aguefort since he has a history of pissing that dude off by saying the wrong (well, “wrong”) thing.

Shoutout to Gilear for being the Designated Dad of the Hell Trip and making sure the kids were eating and stuff. That was a very endearing moment.

Also, while we’re on the topic of Gilear, he also cleared up that Sandra-Lynn never seriously propositioned him in an irresponsible, “Let me give you a Magic STD” kinda way which was something I’d been thinking about so I’m glad he said something (though the kids kinda aren’t even though I think we’re way past the point of TMI here).

“Hiss at her litigator.”

Riz, who Fig is Looking to be the Voice of Reason re: Her Arch-Devil Upgrade: This is super rad.

I’m very curious about whether Brennan fully planned for Fig to decide to take Gorthalax’s place because, on the one hand, my brain didn’t go there at all but, on the other, getting Emily Axford to install someone--possibly herself--into a position of power is like getting Siobhan Thompson to steal a book I feel.

Fig Upon Being Told That Ayda Told Everyone About Them: Fuck.

I feel like Kristen is gonna wish she had her big moment of emotional catharsis AFTER this big hell pirate fight and not before when she can’t summon her Spirit Guardians.

Man, we haven’t gotten a big, enthusiastic, “Papa!” from Fabian in a while have we?

No crits in either direction this episode which is wild considering Fig got a THIRTY at one point.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fantasy high live #fantasy high spoilers #dimension 20 spoilers

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inknose · 4 years

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mdzs read diary part IV, the end

It’s inspiring how much self care wwx is gonna finally get now that his husband will go along with whatever he does, so he’s gotta look out for lwj’s well being if not his own. that is emphatically the STUFF

dragging my hands down I face as I read this, after all these chapters of getting up close and personal with ghouls bleeding from every orifice, slaying ancient beasts, rebelling against the entire cultivation world, the two of them are absolutely paralyzed by middle school crush sleepover math

chicken

he actually drew kissy doodles .... he....

IDK I THINK I JUST DOCUMENTED THIS PART CUZ I WAS STILL SCREAMING you cant expect me to have very useful things to say at this point

this is torture you are both so mushy you are so GONE

This part really stood out to me, it’s an attitude I feel like wwx implies with his inner narration a few times but most clearly says here: he’s not one for allowing himself to exaggerate how bad his circumstances are/could be even a little bit - he’s already lived through some extreme low points and found a way to keep going, so he never makes sweeping statements about what he couldn’t live without (Inner JingYi: you’re supposed to say you’d be lost without him here!!!) Instead he seems to accept as a given that being alive doesn’t guarantee him any pleasantness or joy at all, and as a result his feelings toward being in TRUE LOVE are surprisingly pragmatic, but also colored with such gratitude. There are a lot of things in the novel that struck me, like this, as being just a little to the left of familiar tropes/sentiments, and were more touching for it. Whether it be the influence of culture difference as opposed to what I’m used to reading in most western romance stories, or MXTX’s unique outlook, or a combination of both, it was really refreshing and made me pause over it. Not “I can’t imagine living without you” but “I could be living without you, but instead I get to be with you and I think that’s the best thing that could happen.”

ADJFDKFJ THE UST BEING SO STRONG THAT EVEN THE VILLAIN COMMENTS ON IT IN THE MIDDLE OF EXECUTING HIS EVIL PLANS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT WILL NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. hes like god damn! here I thought I had problems

it was at this moment that I realized we were doing this Now... I’m still recovering. What a scene. I am so glad I saw the most incredible fanart soon afterwards, bc the fact that someone has already drawn a perfect comic of this part means I don’t have to

I love you so much, you are so annoying, you are perfect... I like how he’s been experiencing openly requited love for all of ten minutes but he’s already figured out how to weaponize it to piss people off

doing!!! his!!! job!!!!!

ahh... it’s a really good story. JGY is a great character. One of the most interesting differences for me between drama watching vs. novel reading experience is that without an actor to bat his vulnerable doe eyes at you and smile faintly with his cute dimples, the book does not go much out of its way to try to lull the reader into a false sense of security around him or *endear* him to you the way the show does. But just by seeing events through wei wuxian’s POV, its still enough to evoke pity or understanding towards him. The overall impression is a bit more detached though, there’s less emphasis on the spectacle of how he could manipulate everyone closest to him and more of a general feeling of resigned tragedy that everyones the worst on this bitch of an earth.

I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND!!!!

I clearly paused to take note of less and less parts at the end & the extras due to: a) too excited to reach the end b) too spicy to photograph and c) too sleepy cuz I kept reading in the middle of the night. but I absolutely took the time for Bro We Are Teens appreciation corner:

I’d absolutely read 40 more extra chapters of their monster-of-the-week field trip antics.

god... poor Jin Ling now basically has to deal with divorced parents that talk shit about each other to him whenever he is saying with one of them. except they are both his uncles. just a disasterhood of all uncles from start to finish. AUUUGH wei wuxian and jiang cheng have fucked me up completely, I dream of them reconciling but I also REFUSE to believe it would ever be easy. let me know if theres a fanfic that absolutely tortures you for decades before they hug

HAHAHA oh no this man ain’t making it to immortality thats for damn sure. HE’S JUST GONNA TRY AS HARD AS HE CAN HIS WHOLE LIFE NOT TO LOOK AT HIM BUT THEYRE *MARRIED* SDLKFJSF ohhhh it’s too funny, like... the mundane domestic family drama IN the fantastical swords and sorcery setting is what really ratchets up these things from amusing to fucking hilarious I think

aaaa the end... final random thoughts? No not final, I would like to please keep discussing at length and exhaustively, all the time please - CQL has gotta be one of the best TV adaptations I’ve seen. ANY adaptation of anything would be lucky to be so good!! reading the novel has just made me appreciate it even more.

- I don’t think I can do justice to what I find most fascinating about comparing the two versions briefly, to do that I need to get drunk and ramble at my friends for hours but... the condensed version is something like this. Really all the significant differences between the two versions (besides the ones which can be attributed to censorship and therefore aren’t worth discussing) are a side effect of the structure of how the story is told - there’s barely anything changed arbitrarily. Aside from having a cold opening, the drama sticks to a very linear version of the story, and I think for a TV show or film, that’s probably the best way to do it. We see everything, we get shocked and tricked and betrayed and surprised along with the characters, we feel the biggest impact at the climactic scenes having experienced all the build-up. The novel on the other hand is not only much more non-linear in WHEN we learn bits and pieces of information, but that information is also obfuscated under wei wuxian’s multiple layers of Unreliable Narratoritis, which are as follows: 1) difficulty remembering things because of personality/avoiding painful memories/actual memory loss, 2) No Homo Goggles still on, and 3) a wry sense of humor that makes the reader unsure of how much they can trust his attitude toward things, especially near the beginning. The experience of reading is a puzzle the reader has to mentally piece together through all of the above listed camouflage, and the puzzle itself is a three-sided mystery: One - How Bad of a guy was Wei WuXian really, and how exactly did all the bad stuff in his life go down; Two - wangxian epic pride & prejudice gambits; Three - political murder mystery. (I love stories like this btw... though I fully admit I’m glad I watched first this time bc it might have taken me a long time to tackle otherwise.) Because of this, where the drama wants to pull you in and submerge you in all the most potent emotional parts, the novel in direct contrast deliberately side-steps around these things and asks that you hurt yourself by filling in the blanks. In fact the more intense emotions and painful memories involved, whether it be his relationship with jiang yanli, his DEATH, the darkest days of war times etc, the more the novel evasively withholds details. I actually really like both styles of storytelling but each one is obviously way better suited to its medium. ANYWAY.... THATS BASICALLY WHERE MY BRAINS AT WHILE IM READING GAY SWORD WIZARD BOOKS

- The extras are so saturated with domestic married bliss that it’s a good thing I stopped taking pictures because I’d just take a picture of every page. this is too much for me to take... I did jump the gun a few times and read a few fanfics while I was still mid-read of the book (I tried to hold out but alas I am mortal) and at one point after finishing I was like “wow what fic was it in where lwj says something cute and wwx kisses him in public but they’re in the corner of the restaurant so no one really sees... OH NO WAIT that was actually in there.” and ... and that’s the LEAST OF IT... *stares into the distance* theyre married wow

- I ofc couldn’t help but see a few vague blogs beforehand so honestly I was braced for something like, wildly ooc for the sake of porn to happen in the extras... I definitely appreciate how the incense burner porn interludes could be uhhh a lot for many people and not my personal cup of tea in terms of smut however [here follows the words of a poisonous frog who has dwelt her whole life in the rainforests of BL] the concept is also surprisingly SWEET SDFLKJF like wwx sees lan wangji’s darkest mixed-up violent teenage fantasies and he’s just like aww babe you had a crush on me!! just... good for them

- I swear I’m not gonna rehash every cute married thing they do but wei wuxian grading papers in the tub........................rEALLY GOT ME

- I want to Draw - ok thats enough if I keep going I’ll just write “wei wuxian grading papers in the tub” seven more times probably

#mdzs readthru #this obviously has many spoilers

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jeontaeh · 3 years

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〚TWENTY TWO〛

It's that feeling. The feeling you only get in nightmares, when you're falling and falling and falling and can't see the end- everything around you is pitch black, and endless void of nothing until you do fall. And every part of you breaks into pieces until you are nothing but meaningless particles scrambling around in hopes to reunite. That's how Jungkook's heart felt.

At the very moment when Taehyung slammed the door shut, Jungkook felt the crack reach from the base of his heart right to very tip, reaching upwards and suffocating his lungs and neck and tightening his ribcage until he couldn't breathe.

So all he did was turn around, feel this emptiness caving into him that he hadn't felt for a long time, and walked trying not to let the prickling tears in his eyes fall out. He reached his room and opened the door, and sucked in a sharp breath when he saw Jimin with Jin and Namjoon in their room.

"Hey Kook! We're just practising maths, don't mind us." Jin smiled, and Jungkook gave him a tight lipped smile.

Jimin looked at him wearily and got up to walk over to him. "Hey.. everything good?" Jimin whispered, ensuring the other two boys didn't hear him.

Jungkook turned his head to look at his desk, cleaning it up mindlessly. "Y-yeah- it's fine." "What did he say?"

"Nothing. It just- it- it's over between us." Jungkook said, words sour on his tongue.

"What?!" Jimin let out, and Jin and Namjoon rose their heads.

"What happened?" Namjoon asked, and Jimin waved his hand at them.

"Nothing! We're discussing this new movie that came out-" Jimin stammered, and then turned his head to face Jungkook. "What do you mean it's over?"

"I mean-" Jungkook started a little harshly, placing the last pen into place. "-that it's over between us. It never even started, so I honestly don't care."

"You sure?" Jimin asked, and Jungkook chuckled, giving him a bright smile.

"Of course, Park. I'm fine! Now, let me practice some maths with you guys." Jungkook said, walking over to Jin and Namjoon, to which Jimin just sighed.

Because he knew. He knew Jungkook wasn't fine. He knew, because Jungkook smiled for the rest of the day. Laughed and talked more than usual. Seemed way too fine.

He knew, because later Jungkook went to sleep. And at 2 am, Jimin awake to the sound of soft crying. Jimin rose his head, and saw Jungkook turned the other way, shoulders quivering as he had his blanket scrunched tightly in his hold.

He was crying, soft gasps of breath leaving his lips. Jimin stood up and walked over to his single bed, sitting down beside him. "Jungkookie..."

"I-I'm fine." Jungkook squeaked out, and Jimin placed his hand on Jungkook's shoulder.

"I know you're not fine. Don't lie to yourself," Jimin said softly, and Jungkook stilled for a few seconds, clearly restricting.

Jimin let out a big sigh and then climbed onto the bed, laying down beside him and throwing his arm over his waist. "You're not fine. And- and that's okay. Just let it out, Kookie."

Jungkook began sobbing, not being able to control the loud cries that began leaving his lips, cheeks tear soaked and eyes blurry as he turned around, crying into Jimin's chest. "H-he was w-with a- a girl, Jimin. He- he doesn't c-care about me- he n-never did," Jungkook bubbled out, and Jimin pet his hair in gentle strokes, calming him.

"A-all this time. He l-looked at me so fondly, treated m-me with so much care, kissed me a-all the time a-a-and was so loving. H-how could all of t-that just- just go away? A-am I just s-stupid? Was h-he faking it the whole time j-just to get me to s-sleep with him? All of t-that- all of that was bullshit." Jungkook let out in the end, shuddering out a breath.

"You're not stupid. V's clearly lying to himself and full of self denial, so he's taking the frustration out by being an asshole. It sucks, and I'm really sorry. He's an asshole." Jimin said.

"He is." Jungkook whispered, his tears since having calmed down.

There was a bit of silence, and then; "Do you wanna cry a bit more?"

"Yes please." Jungkook squeaked, and Jimin chuckled, and then tightened his grip around them, while Jungkook lay his head on his chest, drifting into deep sleep.

///

A week passed.

Worst fucking week ever.

Jungkook was with his friends in the cafeteria, and awkward silence placed across those on the table. Jungkook clicked his spoon against his bowl quietly, not daring to move his eyes up in the slightest.

"So." Jin said, and Jungkook looked up hesitantly. "Is anyone going to mention the elephant in the room?"

"Okay, I know I gained a pound or two but it's only because football practice is over because of how it is outside-"

"What? No- shut up Hoseok. I mean... that." Jin said, pointing his eyes to the table beside them. Jungkook sighed softly, averting his eyes back down, because he knew what was happening on the table beside them.

Taehyung was sitting with the football guys. With some girl on his lap. Jennie, Jungkook thinks. They were making out furiously. "It's just V being V." Namjoon said, and Jimin snickered.

"Yeah- um- not really. Haven't you noticed in the past week he's been more of a dick than usual? Like... I don't know. I told him ages ago that I was into this girl from my Physics class- and yesterday I saw him making out with her." Jimin mumbled, and Jungkook looked at him with worry.

"Been there dude. I told him I was going to try asking Jennie out for a date... and here he is." Yoongi mumbled, and then rolled his eyes.

Jungkook gulped. They weren't wrong. For the past week, Taehyung had been wild.

Every time Jungkook saw him in the hallways or in a classroom or in lunch or anywhere, he was with a girl. Making out with her, flirting with her, heck- even doing more. It was kind of gross.

He'd sprawl across chairs in his dominant demeanor, bandana on his head with hair looking more silver than usual, darkened eyes, followed by snapping at anyone who nearly looked away. He was back to square 1. "V!" A loud voice snapped, and all the boys looked to the side and saw Eka, looking furious. "Are you fucking kidding me??"

"Relax, babe." V said, and then went back to kissing Jennie, who pushed Taehyung off and got off his lap.

"Ew, you're with her? Bye." Jennie mumbled, and then walked away, rolling her eyes.

"You fucking asshole. You slept with me last night and didn't even have the decency to text me back?" Eka snapped, and the boys on their table started snickering, while Jungkook's shoulders tensed.

"Fight fight fight-" Jin started chanting, and Namjoon smacked his shoulder.

They all watched with widened eyes as Taehyung grabbed Eka by her hips and began kissing her hard, and she just gave in and began kissing him.

"What even-" Hoseok mumbled, and Jungkook tsked and looked away. A younger freshman tried moving past Taehyung and Eka, and accidentally brushed his bag against Taehyung. "Look where you're going, queer." Taehyung growled, and the boy shook visibly and nodded hurriedly, running away, looking petrified.

Jungkook snapped his head up, looking at Taehyung in disbelief. Taehyung didn't care, just smirked up at Eka, who laughed awfully loud.

"Ew." Jimin said, and then looked at Jungkook. "Let's get out of here."

Jungkook nodded, feeling a weird gap in his chest. Taehyung got up with Eka and dragged her out of the cafeteria. Jungkook and Jimin got up as well and started walking out, but as Jungkook did- he bumped into someone. Or rather, Taehyung. Jungkook bumped into Taehyung.

Taehyung, who was in the middle of kissing Eka, turned his head in anger, and before looking properly- "Watch it, f-" Taehyung started, but then froze in the midst of his word when he saw Jungkook.

Jungkook, looking at him with his big doey eyes, confused and looking a little scared.

"S-sorry." Jungkook squeaked, and Taehyung looked at him for a few seconds. The first time they'd made eye contact since then.

"It's-" Taehyung started, and then let Eka go, seeing Jungkook take a step away from him. "-It's fine." Taehyung mumbled lowly, and Jungkook looked at him for a split second, but then Jimin grabbed his arm and pulled him away.

"I thought you two were best friends," Eka snickered, and Taehyung turned his attention back to Eka.

He didn't respond, just went back to kissing her, though his mind felt cluttered with other things.

///

"Asshole, bitch, dick, homophobic, big-forehead-having, dickweasel!" Jungkook snapped.

"You seem angry." Jimin pointed out.

"I am! We have Chemistry now, I hate Chemistry! I don't care about fucking chemical energetics!" Jungkook snapped, and Jimin chuckled.

"Girl, me too."

"Dude, ever since I came out, you've been really gay." Jungkook said, and Jimin laughed.

They entered the Chemistry class and saw a few people scattered here and there, as the bell hadn't rung yet. Jungkook saw Jennie sitting in the back with her friends.

"-pus she said something about having slept with him last night?? I literally hooked up with him yesterday, before dinner! He's such a fucking asshole." Jennie scoffed.

"Total fuckboy. Avoid him, Jennie." One of Jennie's friends said, and Jimin elbowed Jungkook.

"Seem to have the same problem as you, don't they?" Jimin laughed, going over to his seat to sit down.

Jungkook laughed, but didn't find it too funny. God, he was insignificant. Taehyung had done this to numerous girls!! He'd fucked them and then rushed out before things got tough! He did it with one guy and ran out when things got too ~gay for him! Dine and dash.

Jungkook sat down on his assigned seat, and then saw books put down beside him. "You look glum," Jungkook heard, and then looked to the side and saw Yugyeom.

"Oh- h-hi. Yeah, I guess I am." Jungkook mumbled, and Yugyeom sat down beside him.

"If if makes you feel any better, Jackson ate 3 tacos in one and a half minutes and then burped in my face." Yugyeom said, and Jungkook burst out giggling.

"Oh god- I don't even want to know." Jungkook said, and Yugyeom smiled.

"Say, did you get the chem homework? Because I didn't get the last question-" Yugyeom started, and then Jungkook gasped, eyes growing all big.

"Oh no! I totally forgot there was homework!! Nooo~" Jungkook squealed in distress, and then scurried to take out his notebook and textbook, pen fumbling in his hand.

Jungkook took out his book and messily wrote 'homewrok' on the top, and then began writing down pure bullshit from the textbook, but then felt a hand place on top of his. "Woah, relax." Yugyeom whispered, and Jungkook saw his close proximity and felt himself hesitate. "Copy it off me. I don't mind,"

"R-really? Aw- thank you." Jungkook smiled, and Yugyeom grinned and then showed him his notebook.

Jungkook wrote down the first question and the answer to it, and heard Yugyeom make some comment about how his q's look like hockey sticks, and Jungkook began giggling.

Abruptly, another pile of books smacked onto the desk Yugyeom was sitting on. Yugyeom got startled, looking up in confusion, and Jungkook did too. When he did, he wish he hadn't.

Taehyung. Looking annoyed. "Get up."

"Um-" Yugyeom started, but Taehyung clearly didn't have the time to take in his shit.

"This is my seat, newbie. Move." Taehyung snapped, and Yugyeom gulped. "I-I'll just move after the- the bell rings. I was helping J-Jungkook with homework-"

"I said move or I'll make you," Taehyung growled lowly, and Yugyeom stood up instantly, grabbing his books in a hurry, to which Jungkook groaned. Yugyeom got up and went to his seat, sitting down quickly.

Jungkook looked at his empty notebook with the half done homework, and then looked at Taehyung, who sat down beside him. Jungkook's eyebrows furrowed. Asshat.

Jungkook looked down, gripping his pen tightly, and ooooh- how he detested him. Hate was a strong word, but Jungkook needed a stronger one. He felt his grip around his pen growing tighter. Jungkook DESPISED Taehyung. If he could somehow have mice crawl over Taehyung's body and infest him with the plague, Jungkook would. He hates him SO much. He hates him with every bone in his body, he-

"Do you have a pen?" Taehyung's deep voice broke his snap, and Jungkook looked up to see Taehyung looked at him intensely, with his menacing stare that he'd only give him before piping him down. Fuck, Jungkook thought. "Y-yeah," Jungkook squeaked out stupidly, and then grabbed his pencil case and looked in it.

He grabbed a pen and handed it to Taehyung.

"This is a highlighter."

"S-sorry-" Jungkook let out softly, grabbed the pen from him. When he did, he felt their hands touch, and fuck, now Jungkook was blushing. Great. Just great.

Jungkook put the highlighter back in his pencil case and then sighed to himself. Stop. Blushing. For god's sake, Jungkook. Get a grip. You should hate him, not blush when he speaks-

"Jeon...pen?" Taehyung said, and Jungkook blushed deeply.

"Yeah- s-sorry-" Jungkook stammered, and then took a pen and gave it to Taehyung, who looked at Jungkook with a weird look on his face which Jungkook didn't want to examine. He didn't want to see the underlying meaning.

"Thanks." Taehyung mumbled, and Jungkook swore he saw a bit of a smile on Taehyung's face.

Jungkook looked at his pencil case and then realised he gave Taehyung the only pen he had. He bit his lip, and then heard the bell ring, signalling the beginning of class. Jungkook looked around, and saw Yugyeom rummaging through his pencil case.

"Gyeomie," Jungkook called out rather loudly, and saw through his peripheral vision that Taehyung snapped his head at Jungkook. "Can I get a pen?"

"Sure, Kookie." Yugyeom mimicked with a grin, and Jungkook giggled. Yugyeom tossed a pen at Jungkook, who grabbed it and then waved at him cutely.

Jungkook saw Taehyung's hand gripping the pen Jungkook lent him tightly, vein popping in his hands. Jungkook looked at Taehyung, and saw how his eyes darkened, how he was looking away in anger.

Jungkook felt something inside him gleam. A vicious sort of idea. It made him smirk a little.

Jealousy had always been the ugliest emotion.

https://jeontaeh.tumblr.com/post/647264142404763648/twenty-three

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seven-oomen · 4 years

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Happy Halloween, Ben! I hope you are continuing to feel better! Do you expect any trick-or-treaters tonight? (Is that a thing in the Netherlands?) I hope you find lots of good candy at the grocery store! I myself have two bags of dark chocolate Kit Kats to hand out to all the kids I foresee coming by (*wink wink*) Your pumpkin is adorable, by the way. I wanted to do some cool faces with mine, but my friends that normally host a Halloween party decided to just hold their Costume and Pumpkin Decorating Contests online, and the theme was “2020”. I thought “well, I’ll just get two pumpkins, and use one for the contest and one for whatever." Then one of them started molding, which seemed very on brand for this year, so I just went with it, and ended up with meme pumpkins. I included a color pic, so you can see just how gross the one got. Fun fact: the top of it is held on by being skewered with a dowel rod and set in place along the rim. In case you were curious (you probably weren’t, but oh well), trying to scoop out a moldy pumpkin is indeed deeply gross. Imagine a physical manifestation of the sensation most people seem to feel when you say the word "moist”. Just…so gross and squishy… *shudders in remembrance*

My costume attempt turned out okay given that I managed to pull it together entirely out of things I already had. In case you don’t recognize the symbol, I was one of the more recent comic versions of Black Canary (this one at least had proper shorts). Let me tell you, trying to free hand draw that goddamn bird outline with no printer or projector was an adventure. I had to do it backwards, essentially, too, because I realized that pencil marks are extremely difficult to erase off of craft foam.

And I just wanted to show off that I’m the kind of classy bitch who drinks wine out of a can (also, it’s an awesome can.) To be fair, it was actually surprisingly decent (I say, as though I know shit about wine). I sent a picture to a friend, and she started teasing me, and I said “it’s a rainbow can, how was I supposed to pass it up?”, and she was like “you know what, fair, I would have done the same thing." I also got some kind of sparkling red wine to drink tonight for proper spooky effect. The cashier commented on it being good as I was checking out, so here’s hoping.

I know what you mean about endless plot ideas, too. I started a couple of smaller pieces to work on when my longer WIP gets overwhelming, got on a roll, and have almost finished one. I got super excited when I finally got to a few of the lines that were among the first I thought of for it months ago, then realized "fuck, now I have to write the smut, don’t I?" So, hopefully the wine will offer some inspiration there, too. XD

By the way, I totally wasn’t kidding about the Chris Evans/Henry Cavill rom com idea. I totally went and found it in my FB messages and screen-shot it so that I can now inflict share it. Buckle up, here we go: So, Chris’s character’s great-aunt (played by Angela Landsbury) talks him into coming to stay with her along the English coast after his divorce, and help her run her mystery book shop. Only, less than a week in, she runs off to go on vacation with her boy toy (Christopher Walken). By this point, he’s already ended up in an unexpected rivalry with the co-owner of the comic shop next door (Henry), who’s been trying to get the great-aunt to sell him part of the bookstore’s storage space to build a table-top gaming area. The woman (Natalie Dormer) who runs the little bakery/tea shop attached to the other side of the bookstore has a running bet with the other co-owner of the comic shop (John Boyega) on how long it will take for the two men to realize just what type of tension there actually is between them. Chris could wear hipster glasses, and skinny jeans, and cozy sweaters/cardigans, that he could remove at strategic moments to reveal the ridiculousness that is his arms and chest. Henry could wear tight jeans and fitted nerdy t-shirts and SET THE CURLS FREE GODDAMMIT. And of course at least one encounter would have to happen at a dog park, because both their RL dogs are absolutely adorable and deserve a moment in the spotlight. Please, Netflix, I’m begging you. Make it happen. (If you curious, this particular moment of inspiration struck during a discussion over "if Evans is America’s Ass, is Cavill Britain’s?" My friends are also classy like me. XD )

Well, on that note, I’m gonna shut up for a while, and go wash the color out of my hair, because I think it’s been on at least half an hour longer than it should be, technically. Enjoy your sugary findings, and I hope they and your coffee give plenty of energy for writing your various projects! :D I hope you continue to feel better, and that things keep looking up! Take care! *Properly socially distanced and seasonally spoopy hugs to you both!*

Okay 1: omg I need that gay wine. (Rainbow wine, whatever.) That is amazing, I love it. And I totally get why you needed that. I don’t have any wine for myself tonight. But I have some Budweiser (Or well “Bud” as it is called here), cans of coke and Jack Daniels, so I should be good.

And I think your jacket turned out pretty well! Looks awesome. (Though I get what you mean about craftfoam. It is a bitch to work with when you only have pencils and no stencils.)

Halloween isn’t much of a thing here I’m afraid, aside from some witches who celebrate samhain and the uprising of general pop culture there aren’t many people who really celebrate Halloween like in the US. So no, I don’t expect any trick or treaters tonight (also because COVID has us on a 8 pm curfew).

I think the Netherlands celebrates Saint Martin far more which Wikipedia explains pretty well as: Saint Martin's day, also known as the Funeral of Saint Martin, Martinstag or Martinmas, as well as Old Halloween and Old Hallowmas Eve is the Funeral day of Saint Martin of Tours (else Martin le Miséricordieux) and is celebrated on 11 November each year.

The day is celebrated on the evening of 11 November (the day Saint Martin was buried) in the Netherlands, where he is known as Sint-Maarten. As soon it gets dark, children up to the age of 11 or 12 (primary school age) go door to door with hand-crafted lanterns made of hollowed-out sugar beet or, more recently, paper, singing songs such as "Sinte Sinte Maarten", to receive candy or fruit in return. In the past, poor people would visit farms on the 11th of November to get food for the winter. In the 1600s, the city of Amsterdam held boat races on the lake IJ. 400 to 500 light craft, both rowing boats and sailboats, took part with a vast crowd on the banks.

But other than that we don’t really have a holiday where children go door to door to ask for candy.

It’s getting more popular now in recent years to do so on Halloween, as well as Halloween parties, but it’s not very widespread.

Yeah I was really excited to write some fanfic for Love and Monsters and then today I started doubting that. And now I’m leaning towards writing more Petopher fic where Chris gets turned?

I blame @for-the-love-of-wolves for that one because I read their fic and now I’m like: that’s a good idea. I want to write that too. And now I can’t shake it.

I should really finish things but urgh... part of me just wants to write more teen wolf fanfic.

I’m really curious about your wip though, I hope that when you’re ready to share it, I get to read it too. ^^

Honestly, Netflix needs to make this idea happen. I insists. I wonder if my friend who works their customer service can pitch ideas but I don’t have much hope for that. Would be pretty awesome though to see this come alive because it’s GOOD! Holy moly I want that to happen now XD. Brittain’s ass is it, UK Vs US ass fight!

Wait is that too gay?

Ah who cares XD

I’m still snivelling with a cold but it’s only stuff coming out of my nose, for the most part, I’m doing pretty good and can focus somewhat on things again. And no real pain aside from the general ones.

So I’m gonna wish you Happy Halloween, have a good night and lots of socially distanced hugs from me and Mo.

#ben says stuff #my convos with anon #B #halloween #submission

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