#dissacociation mention

[reverentwormpriest]

today I learned that watching evangelion might impact you much more than the average joe if you have self worth issues long running issues with loneliness and dissasociation all in that order 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[dont-look-me-in-the-eye]

Me @ my brain: so what did we do this year?

my brain: sorry, you get one (1) proper memory per year. Oh look, it’s us having a panic attack!

Me: wait what if i wanna know what hap-

my brain: oh! Well, any other memories can either be accessed via- *incomprehensible mumbling*

me: sorry what was that?

my brain: well someone else can tell you what happened. I mean. You’ll remember on a conscious level what happened. You just, won’t have that memory,,

me: wh-

my brain: ~dissociation, baby~

[indistinct-office]

tw // uh nsfw mentions and suicide and general mental illness stuff idk

-

i love fukuzawa sm but idk if id rather him mentor me or fuck me

i think i should die to be honest im sad dude ill cry i wonder if i have a dissasociativive disorder like. depersonalisation seems concerningly familiar well like it makes sense of course derealisation and deperasalisation

idk how to spell but they make so much sense. on the other hand one must consider that i am evil and pathetic and dont deserve an explanation for my feelings nope im jsut bad and should die. but apart from that

im tired man. im very tired i want to cry. i also. cant seem to move



so idk if i have dpdr or im just tired or have executive dysfunction everythings very confusing im trying

why

and is it unreality or is it me philosophising or

whats going on i know no one else knows i dont i feel like i have never been a person i feel like a mirror more than anything i dont know and feelings are so complicated i want to cry and i dont understand whats going on and im so sick of myself but i cant seem to stop and everything i say feels like a lie and i cant remember anything i feel like im fading also how is it almost 11pm

i feel like i dont have any agency and

like if someone has moved the content of this image way to far off the edge

and i dont know if the whole "i dont feel like a person" thing is dpdr or succh strognly engrained self loathing or a combination of both or me making excuses for being lazy or i dont know and it always has always felt like there are too many people in my head. whcih sounds yk. not great. and it isnt but then what if ive convinced myself that i have dpdr/whatever because i just want a label and something solid or i dont know but no i think i do and who is i anyway who am i referring to ive been through this so many times before and nothing changes nothing has every changed and nothing will help

and i know it sounds like im having a panic attack because i am but this is how it feels all the time

oh

i used to joke to myself that my brain was either so full of thoughts it hurts or completely empty and full of fog but that might be dpdr

like, anxiety/trauma or dissacociative

oh no

but idk i havent really had an trauma what if im making this up just because i want my friend to know whats wrong with me and me to get better and have a nice little storyline and get better

it feels like whenever im lucid im in pain

ha. well. thats a thing now i guess

im so tired of this. but its all good its fine. i cant even self harm properly

what if the reason im so anxious all the time is because im scared of why im doing something

it feels like im comingn to some big resolution but what if im just convincing myself of that so i can feel good but everything will stay the same? there are dried tears on my laptop and they look like stains of cum

oh no i think i might be dpdr. like. when /that/ happened. i distracted msyelf and felt "usual" and then i was reminded of it and it hurted so much

oh no oh fuck what

well. theres that i guess

yeah no im pretty sure i have uh depersonalisation/derealisation disorder. it makes a lot of sense. at last the puzzle of the self is completed and im better and everything is fine /s

no wonder i relate to will wood and jreg so much.

there is now the issue of

a) who the fuck am i

b) what the fuck do i do now

uh i need help i think ( yeah no shit )

it really does feel like there are hundreds of people living up in my brain

im scared about what i should do next.

i have to go to london tomorrow

no wonder i find it so hard to explain my thinking process and emotions. of course. it makes sense now

im posting this so theres some external record of what happened today. but this is basically a diary entry so yknow.

[akanme]

signs as minecraft quotes

Candy Corn: “You’re mean. You’re so mean. News just in, mathmeticians saw you and asked if you were the mean of, uh, get fucked.”

Virgin: “Of course I love mushrooms - I’m LQBT!”

Sandy Taurus: “Aren’t carrots supposed to make you see in the dark? Or am I just in a hole again”

Taurus: “Ah, horsies. The enemy of man.”

Gemini: “Why are we trying to fight the wither again? We spawned it. It’s our child.”

Lego: “Here’s the tagline: no genders, just mushrooms. Welcome to the cult.”

Atlantis: “Hee-hee-hoo-hoo-haha. I sound like a clown baby”

Library: “Farming reminds me of the grandparents I never met. No, I will not elaborate.”

Pieces: “Do not sexualise my Hobbit hole.”

Cancer: “Shit. Not the monobrowsers. Buy something or get out.”

Scorpion: “So I did some mining off camera-”

[uskidzaresad]

I literally have just been rapid switching from oren to ruth all day and when argo tries to front ruth pushes harder and once pam fronted but then things got s t r e s s f u l so then oren and verko coconed and thats hell I don’t know what name to go by and i have anger issues in those two and their both protectors and then andromeda tried to front (persecutor). ive had it, im kicking them all out. -addison (whos just fronted for the first time today, whos ALSO the host)

[lynkolnevans]

TW: Mentioned poisoning/drug abuse and a concussion, with brief description of ongoing symptoms, typical violence/death accompanying an Undertale Genocide route. More detail in tags. Ask to tag.

"Sorry I'm late, dudes. Traffic was a pain in the ass. A real hell-hole."

Two small figures panting from exertion glance to the entrance of the Judgement hall where I stand looking just as haggard as they are. Both of their eyes widen in surprise, clearly not expecting me to be up and walking. Still, despite my sudden appearance, neither fully look away from the other, keeping everyone in their line of sight. I tighten my grip on the Burnt Pan.

"I should have taken the road death traveled by… Gottem."

A slight wince from Sans and his empty eye sockets tell me it probably wasn't an appropriate time to be telling jokes.

I guess I wasted my concussion and drug hazed walk thinking of cool one liners. Maybe I should have thought up a more coherent plan? Nah. A half mad, half kinda-makes-sense one should suffice. Chara/Frisk/the Player(?) is still breathing heavily, their empty smile stretching as their face contorts in a slew of emotions. Wait, never mind. My sight is still swimming from the drugs. Or is it the concussion? Whatever. Time to stall for time, don't want the murderer to notice my little feat of Determination.

"Phew, tough crowd, eh? Whatevs. Yo, Sans! It's team up time! Tag me in and we'll beat up this piece of shit together. You'll be DPS and I'll be," I grab exactly four gold coins from my pocket and throw them in the air. They clink on the ground, some rattling and spinning before going still. Three heads and one tails... cool, "the Tank."

"wha-"

"Sorry, no time to explain." I say letting myself get pulled into the encounter, my soul more corporeal and cracked since my last bout with the genocidal child. I walk toward Sans, my back facing him. Time to see if he'll let me join or just kill me straight up. Worse comes to worst, Sans takes my soul and beats the shit outta the Genocider. Either way, the kid can't progress. As long as my drug induced hallucinations and the kid's ramblings are correct about the effect of my soul on this timeline, that is. Great, what a vote of confidence.

"Just try not to hit me too much, friendly fire is definitely turned on." I say, turning towards the child gripping their knife.

The brother killer went first, taking a lazy slash at Sans glaring at me the whole time. I quickly intercept their knife with the pan, the loud screeching of metal might as well be a blade stabbing my ears. Luckily, this gives Sans enough time to start an attack. I can feel his magic growing, crawling down my back.

"Can't stop getting in my way, huh? You just keep asking for death." The kid's voice is still marred by disuse and strain, a rough crackle like they were under a bad cold. Must be really pissed off if they want to talk. Good.

"You know me." I dodge to the right, avoiding the outlines highlighting Sans' future attack path. A faint purple string guides me to a safer position. Glad that's still working okay.

"I'm a real blaster-d."

The light of Sans' Gaster Blasters fills the Judgement Hall. 

And the red soul cracks.

—

Deja Vu.

"Sorry I'm late, dudes. Traffic was a pain in the ass. A real hell-hole."

Two small figures panting from exertion glance to the entrance of the Judgement hall where I stand looking just as haggard as they are. Both of their eyes widen in surprise, clearly not expecting me to be up and walking. Still, despite my sudden appearance, neither fully look away from the other, keeping everyone in their line of sight. I tighten my grip on the Burnt Pan.

"I should have taken the road death traveled by… Gottem."

A slight wince from Sans tells me-

"What did you do?!" The Genocider yells at me, breaking my train of thought. Staring down at the kid, their expression flickers between anger and fear. Oh cool, I guess it worked.

"Oh, you know. Just worked up some determination and did a little timeline maintenance. No biggie."

"You did WHA-" White bones spear through a dust covered child as soon as their attention waves and turn their back on the skeleton. Ew, kid kebab with a side of trauma. 

And the red soul cracks.

—

Deja Vu.

"Sorry I'm late, dudes. Traffic was a pain in the a-" A small child wielding a Very Real and Deadly knife dashed towards me, clearly surprising Sans. And, I guess, me too.

"WHAT DID YOU FUCKING DO?!"

"Woah, watch the language, kiddo." 

Oh cool, I guess it worked. I grab exactly four gold coins from my pocket and throw them in the air towards Sans. Semi-blocking, semi-dodging the Genocider's attacks, I sprint towards the scattered coins, spooking Sans a bit as he turns towards us with his hand raised. Nice, no immediate Charley kebab. Let's see, one head and three tails…cool.

"Yo, Sans! It's team up time! You're DPS and I'll draw aggro."

Sans barely has time to think as he rejoins the battle, hopefully he can figure out that he only has to worry about skewering one human, and not both of us.

The Genocider's swings are erratic, their face scrunching in murderous fury, a weird look on a kid that looks like they're still in elementary school. Despite their current lack of finesse, I still have all my focus on dodging, blocking, and running. Concussion plus a recovering overdose (caused by said Genocider, still fucking pissed about that, by the way) does not make a fun debuff. They slash at me again. Ugh, what a cheating ass, not caring about the integrity of turn-based video games.

I sidestep, avoiding the outlines highlighting Sans' future attack path. A faint purple string guides me to a safer position. Glad that's still working okay. A wall of bones erupts between me and the kid, the latter crashing headfirst into a wall of white magic. Ouch, that's gotta hurt. 

More bones appear. Ew, kid kebab with a side of trauma. 

And the red soul cracks.

—

Deja Vu

“Sorry I'm late, du-”

“What did you do.” 

Oh cool, I guess it worked. The kid's voice is still marred by disuse and strain, a rough crackle like they were under a bad cold. Despite their eerily calm manner, the Genocider’s eyes burn with fury. I barely contain the urge to dodge/block/run/parry an imagined attack. Guess they got tired of killing me, huh? Sure took them long enough though…at least I think it’s been a while. It’s definitely been enough times to ingrain an echo of fleefleeflee into my Soul. Man, it’d be nice to remember LOADs and RESETs like the kid does. All I’ve got is the same bargain bin deja vu everyone else does.

Welp, all I can do is Persevere.

[nettlewildfairy]

I don’t know how to talk about grief. I don’t know how to bring it up casually or let people know that it’s something in dealing with.

And people don’t know how to react. People see it as some sort of strange sadness which they don’t know or understand but they feel guilty for not feeling it on your behalf if you bring up grief. Often even if they’ve experienced it before themselves.

Today is the 5th anniversary of my best friends death. I’ve spent most of the day dissacociating wildly and I’ve mentioned it to people who would notice I was not acting like myself but I feel weird bringing it up and I can see that folks feel weird trying to respond.

[ao3feed-esperboys]

Im Going to Do It

im going to do it by dawsonsnight

and nobody can stop me

Words: 1165, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: モブサイコ100 | Mob Psycho 100

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: Gen

Characters: Suzuki Shou

Additional Tags: Touichirou Suzuki-Mentioned, Shou's mom- Mentioned, Minor OC-Mentioned, Ritsu Kageyama-Mentioned, ventfic, hardcore ventfic, Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Thoughts, Reptitition, Undiagnosed Mental Health Issues, Self Loathing, Heavily Implied Child Abuse, Depersonalization, Dissacociation, written from a 3rd person view but its like a first person view, Maybe OOC, Post-Canon, Denial of mental health issues, wrote this in an awful place, im sorry shou, implied self harm, purposefully shit grammar and phonics

Read Here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/19458256

[moon-found-prophets]

YIKESYIKESYIKESYIKES