#does anyone know where your supposed to put the more break on your posts?

[theshadytree123]

So here’s a little something I wrote for Halloween. Yes, I know it’s literally Thanksgiving right now, but I’m currently very sick and very bored, so have fun, I suppose.

It’s a set of diary entries written by Valerie Landrey, the owner of an apothecary shop band the mentor figure of one of my main characters, Ankis Brice, who is known as Ante Akari in the story (1. Yes, she’s named after that weird doctor lady from I’m the Grim Reaper. I think she was the main character or something? I don’t know, its been like 2 years since I read that webtoon and I remember nothing except I think liked it and it was kind of sad.

2. You may notice that I use she/her pronouns in my little spiel at the top here for Ankis, but Valerie uses he/him pronouns for Ante in the story. That is because Ankis is trans and this story is written before she transitioned, and yes, it did feel vaguely like a social faux pas the entire time I wrote this story as I repeatedly used the wrong pronouns for this character. Feel free to scream at me in the comments about it or something)

Am I happy about how this story came to out? Not particularly. Especially the ending. It doesn’t really make sense if you don’t know the rest of the story, and how things go in the Arc Ankis shows up in. (Spoiler alerts: she’s now a zombie who’s also a traveling healer and in this “will they won’t they” relationship with this ex-priest lady who’s also a main character. Things got complicated real quick.) But I’ve been looking at this thing for like a month now and I’m completely blind to how it actually looks, so I letting the whole world see it as I lay in my bed watching my party get absolutely demolished by that stupid Fire Lady in Dragonheir and think about writing a silly short story set in a super school for my characters.

Six Drops of Oil, Pressed from the Ragata Flower

Threeday, 3rd of Middle Winter, Year 211 ATS

I lost another bet with Ariadne today, so I have to actually do one of my Arkarus Resolutions. Starting a diary seemed like the least annoying, so here we are. I really should stop making bets with her. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think she’s a Seer. If you are reading this while I’m still alive, kindly stop. Especially you Gallas! I know where your rock collection is. Don’t test me. If I’m not alive, then feel free to keep going. What do I care? I’m dead!

I guess I should introduce myself. I’m Valerie Landrey. I grew up in the slum district of Sekan, and now I run an apothecary here tailored to my neighbors who likely don’t have the money for the “luxury” of medicine. Whether or not my brews actually work well is… complicated. I don’t exactly have the best materials to work with, but I try my best and they usually turn out okay. It’s not like my customers complain. They know beggars can’t be choosers.

Sixday, 26th of Old Autumn, Year 216 ATS

So… I may have done something stupid… I took home a child. Look, Ariadne already screamed herself hoarse when she saw him. Why would you take home another mouth to feed, there’s a bunch of street children out there, what’s another one, blah, blah, blah. It felt weird to just leave him there though, you know? He was a scrappy little thing, and the obvious malnourishment didn’t help much. He’s a smart kid though, even tried this whole distraction technique before pickpocketing me. Not that it worked, mind you, but he’s got spunk. It'll be good to have someone to continue the shop after I’m six feet under, anyway. What’s the worst that could happen?

Fiveday, 15th of New Summer, Year 220 ATS

Taking in Ante that day four years ago was the best decision I ever made. That kid’s a genius. You wouldn’t believe the stuff he’s making! My brews had never worked that well. It’s too bad that we couldn’t publicly give him credit for all the work he’s doing, but Deitri discrimination is at an all time high lately. I’m worried about who can be the salesperson for the shop after I’m gone. This place is crucial to the lives of everyone in the slums district. Elves live for a long time, but I’m gonna kick the bucket eventually. For now though, things are good. We’ve even got a few rich customers lately that we could overcharge, so we’re rolling in cash!

Twoday, 2nd of Old Winter, Year 221 ATS

The Count of Borslaot is dead. To be honest, good riddance to bad rubbish. That guy was a nasty piece of work. I heard that he was poisoned, though. It’s just a rumor but I wouldn’t be surprised if it's true. It’s not like he had a shortage of enemies to choose from.

On less nice news, today someone spotted Ante walking around in the shop and called him a demon-spawn. Ante said that it didn't bother him, but I could tell he was angry. Honestly, the discrimination against Deitri is just getting worse. I’m worried that Ante’s going to get shanked or poisoned one day when I’m not looking just because of who he is.

Sixday, 26th of New Spring, Year 222 ATS

Another noble died today. That’s three in as many weeks. Their family had hired me to see if I could tell the cause of death, and Good Calcine. I’m surprised no one threw up while we were there. I’m surprised I didn’t throw up. There was blood everywhere. Dripping out of the body’s eyes, it’s nose, it’s mouth, you name it, there was blood coming out. The bedsheets were practically soaked with crimson. The body had bloody scratch marks all over their throat made from their own fingernails, and their larynx was completely busted, likely from screaming. I’m surprised no one heard them screeching in agony while they died. I could tell the cause of death was a poison, but not what kind. I asked Ante, and he couldn’t figure it out either. There was no trace of any other evidence left behind either. Whoever did this was good. Scarily good.

Twoday, 2nd of Middle Spring, Year 222 ATS

The Poisoner has struck again, and this time, it was a commoner. It wasn’t anyone I knew personally, but Gallas did. He said it was one of his coworkers. They weren’t particularly close - in fact, they practically hated each other, but it still hurt. At first, the killings almost felt like retribution, like the killer was punishing the nobles for their corruption, but this is quickly getting out of hand. Ariadne and Gallas stopped by to chat for a little bit after the shop closed today. Ariadne still doesn’t particularly like Ante, but they’ve learned to be at least cordial with each other. Gallas, on the other hand, loves him. They’ve been on several expeditions outside the city over the years, picking flowers and herbs for the shop. It's clear that he has absolutely no idea what he’s doing when he goes with him, but it's still nice to see him try.

Nineday, 9th of Middle Autumn, Year 222 ATS

People are starting to drop like flies. Half of the major noble families have been wiped out. The city is in shambles. So many power vacuums have opened up, that at this point it's just pandemonium. Ante has been holing up in the back lab for the entire tenday, experimenting with something. I think he’s trying to find a way to cure whatever the Poisoner is using. I’ve barely seen him at all, even for meals. I hope he’s been eating and sleeping enough.

The Darkening is going to begin next month, but I haven’t seen anyone prepare at all. They’re too busy running around freaking out about this Poisoner. You’d think that Calcine, the Burning Sun going out for two days would be more concerning, but I suppose after 222 years of dealing with it every year, I guess it’s not all that exciting anymore. I wonder if anyone would ever find a way to stop the Darkening from spreading. I doubt it. How do you stop something if you don’t even know the cause?

Sevenday, 17 of Middle Winter, Year 222 ATS

There’s been a new victim. It was Ariadne. Yesterday, I woke up to the sound of the front door opening. I had looked to see who it was, and I saw Gallas struggling to close and lock the door, hands trembling. He was still dressed in his night clothes despite the cold temperature. I immediately ran up to him asking, “Good Calcine! Gallas, why are you here? Where’s Ariadne?”

He turned around, his body shaking like a leaf, and from that angle, I could see all of the dried blood caked on his hands and clothing. He collapsed into my arms, muttering, “It’s my fault, it’s my fault, it’s all my fault.”

He organized a funeral for her today, being her next of kin. We all grew up as street kids, so it’s not the first friend I’ve lost, but I thought we were past that part of our lives. The part where we live in fear of what’s to come everyday. I suppose it never truly ends.

Threeday, 33rd of New Winter, Year 222 ATS

They found the Poisoner. They let him have some final words before the executioner cut his head off. I can still hear them echoing in my head. I’ve inscribed them here, for you to see.

“When I was a small child, my parents were shoemakers. Simple folk, but kind. But someone just couldn’t let them be. Someone had just had to punish them for the crime of birthing a demonspawn. So they fixed it. They snuck in one day, chopped their heads off, and paraded them in front of me, their little cursed demon child. Everyone knew who did it, they all knew who killed them. But no one did anything. Too afraid, perhaps. Or maybe they agreed with him. Who knows? That person soon became the Count of Borslaot. And we all know what happened to him. Six drops of oil, pressed from the Ragata flower. That’s all it took to kill my first victim. And the next. And the next. I want you all to remember how fragile your lives are. Maybe then, it’ll serve as a good enough warning for you all the next time you try to feign ignorance.”

Everyone is celebrating Finid outside. It’s always been a frantic holiday. People trying to get all of their affairs in order before the Darkening. I think I’ll be staying inside this time. I’d like to find all of Ante’s things so I can put them into the grave they dug for him. Or maybe I’ll just burn them. I haven’t decided yet.

The Second Day of the Darkening, Year 222 ATS

It’s fitting, how I’m going to die just before the new year begins. I can hear them searching for me in the house. Whether it's the nobles coming to tie off loose ends, or someone new, I know they are coming for me, and I know they will find me. They really were quite clever, doing this during the Darkening. Plenty of people die during it anyway. No one will think foul play is involved. I wonder if I’ll see Ante when I die. He better hope not. I have a few words for him after what he did to Ariadne.

[createserenity]

Reunions and the sound of glass

I don't often analyse scenes in Good Omens, I much prefer talking about their character dynamics, like I do here (and I have several other posts in the works along similar themes) but there’s a scene in episode 4 that I really want to talk about because it has both relationship stuff and a mystery – specifically the sound of breaking glass (that's not really glass breaking as such).

So let's talk about the scene when Aziraphale arrives back from Edinburgh. How adorable is Aziraphale’s face when he sees Crowley? They’ve literally been apart for a day and he’s so flippin’ delighted to see him. He’s missed him. He had fun investigating, but it wasn’t nearly so much fun without Crowley there. Now he’s back, he’s so very happy about it and he can’t wait to see Crowley. See how excited his face is? And he’s literally leaning forward to peer around the door columns as he approaches the shop.

Then Crowley appears and Aziraphale beams, he literally lights up with so much joy the moment he sees him and hears his voice. There’s even this split second when he sees Crowley where he opens his arms like he really wants to embrace him.

Then he gets a face full of plants and my goodness the look of absolute dejection is heartbreaking. I just want to shake Crowley for being so ridiculous here. Just show your angel some love, you silly demon!

Also I think the disappointment is partly why Aziraphale tells such a silly lie about the journey being uneventful. Crowley has just smacked him in the face literally and figuratively. Literally with a bunch of plants and figuratively with the message, “I’m not really that bothered whether you’re here or not.” Unsurprisingly Aziraphale doesn’t feel like sharing anything with someone who has just done that.

Now let’s take a detour here and talk about the weird sound we hear as they go towards the car. That’s not a pure breaking glass sound as such (like you’d get from a smashed window), it’s the sound of the pub doing its recycling. It’s the noise you get when someone takes out the internal glass bottle bin and empties it into the outside glass recycling bin. It’s why Crowley doesn’t react and Aziraphale simply looks around and then turns back looking unconcerned. They’ll hear that noise all the time, it’s not the noise of something bad happening.

So why is that sound used here? I have no idea. Presumably it’s not just ambiance, although since it’s a noise that could serve that purpose it could very well be that it’s a red herring. It also happens at an odd moment. One thing breaking glass signals is the breaking of trust. Aziraphale has just told a lie, but by the time we hear the noise Crowley is several seconds into his description of ‘Jim’ singing and sleeping. It seems too far removed to be to do with Aziraphale’s lie specifically. So that leaves us with three possibilities – we should ignore the noise because it’s only ambiance, it’s to do with something other than lies, or Crowley is lying about what he and Jim have been up to. I have no idea why this last one might be or what might have happened. Anyone want to speculate? To be honest he doesn’t look or sound like he’s lying to me and Crowley actually lies very very rarely, especially not to Aziraphale (when he does it tends to be by omission rather than a direct lie) so I’m inclined to think the sound is supposed to clue us into something else. But what? And if so why not actual glass breaking, why the weird recycling sound?

Anyway back to Aziraphale and Crowley’s interaction. Crowley manages to piss Aziraphale off even more by being all lovey-dovey towards his car.  After checking out Crowley’s arse (!) as he bends over to put the plants in the car Aziraphale then seems to become anxious as they talk about whether he has anymore clues, even glancing over his shoulder nervously as he talks. Why? No idea. Maybe he just knows that he didn’t really find out all that much on his trip and is worried Crowley is expecting more of him?

What’s quite sweet is that he only completely regains his balance and perkiness after Crowley shuts the car door and Aziraphale is able to step up close to him again. There’s no real need for him to step forward, they’re already at conversation distance, but Aziraphale feels most comfortable when he’s right up in Crowley’s space. Also Crowley admits to his own failure and doesn’t seem inclined to say anything about Aziraphale’s lack of information, so that probably helps too. Symbollically speaking a barrier between them (the car door) has been removed.

Anyway the scene ends with them heading back to the bookshop and I really hope Aziraphale finally gets that hug he wants. I mean, I know he doesn’t, but I feel so bad for him in this scene and it would be nice for the poor lovestruck angel if he did.

[gnwookieee]

hi!!! i really like your blog, it’s so cute and you seem so sweet 🙁 would you maybe consider doing bf yujin headcanons? (only if you want to ofc!!!) i hope you’re having a good week ♡♡

: boyfriend yujin !

📁🖇️ : hi!!! i got two requests for bf!yujin so i was very excited to post this. thank you anons for your kind words, i rlly appreciate you! i hope this fits what you were hoping! hugs, rose 🫶🏻

📁🖇️ : there is a long a/n at the end of the post about why i do write for yujin and why i accept requests for him 🫶🏻

genre : fluff

pairing: bf!yujin x gn!reader (similar age)

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yujin had the most obvious crush on you but he had no idea what to do about it. he has never asked anyone on a date before, even though other people around his age had already started to be in relationships. because of being a trainee and now preparing for debut, it wasn’t the same for him

you have to show some interest in him for him to even consider confessing his feelings. make conversation with him, laugh at his jokes or compliment him. needs to feel like he has a chance and won’t make a fool of himself. you may even beat him to it and you confess that you like him first

bf!yujin asks his members for advice a lot when it comes to relationship advice. date ideas, first date appropriate behaviour, what to wear, meeting parents etc. he asks their advice and opinions on all of it because he is so scared of messing anything up

tends to ask jiwoong the most because to yujin he just seems like he knows what he is talking about the best. bonus that jiwoong doesn’t seem to tease him about his lack of knowledge like gyuvin and ricky do

could be a little awkward at first, a little stiff and only makes small talk. quickly he realises there is no need to feel uncomfortable. you both like each other. more relaxed and starts initiating physical touch, becomes sillier and his personality starts to show

bf!yujin becomes almost addicted to spending time with you, the new-ness of a first relationship leaves him always feels excited. plans to meet you every day off he gets which admittedly isn’t a lot but still

even not on days off he is constantly texting you every chance he gets, in the short breaks between group activities and rehearsals. has been scolded by his members a few times for being on his phone to you when he is supposed to be going over a new dance. they start to ban his phone from the studio

small obsession with talking about you every chance he gets. “y/n doesn’t like that flavour” “that is y/n’s favourite” “y/n mentioned…”. the members feel like they know before they even meet you because of how much yujin talks about you

you 100% have to initiate your first kiss, bf!yujin gets so flustered at trying to remember everything jiwoong advised him to do: where to put his hands and to make sure to ask your consent before. when your face is close to his, he kinda just freezes. let’s you softly peck his lips. he relaxes after that and probably asks if he can kiss you after

gets sooo pouty if you have to study when he has free time, tries to get you to leave your homework to go outside with him. tempts you with ice cream, movie tickets, that book that he knows you have been wanting to buy. but he sucks it up if studying is really important, he will go out and buy snacks for the both of you and make it a study date. for moral support he does some of the homework his company assign him

not a huge hug lover normally but you are the exception. his hands always gravitate to wrap around you as he rests his head on the top of your head or your shoulder. hugging anyone outside of his family feels super intimate for him, but he finds your hugs relaxing

very playful with his affection, you two kind of act like two best friends who are just a little bit more affectionate. you two go to arcades but his aim is still to beat you, it doesn’t matter that you two are dating. ruffles your hair and teases you a little just to annoy you but makes up for it by kissing you

📁🖇️ : a/n

hope everyone is doing okay!

just wanted to write a little bit letting everyone be aware of why i write for yujin bc i know a lot of blogs don’t for very good reasons.

first of all i would like to highlight that i have only recently turned 18 years old, therefore while i wouldn’t date someone yujin’s age, i am not too much older than him.

for works relating to yujin, they are written for younger readers who are appropriate for yujin’s age. works are made age appropriate, there is nothing more than small kisses described in his works and both his and the reader’s inexperience of relationships are mentioned. there is only fluff and wholesomeness here folks! im in no way encouraging the sexualisation of yujin as he is a minor and his age should be respected, this is the same for the other underage members of zb1. i have younger friends who are yujin’s age and I write his works with them in mind and what is appropriate for that age group.

sorry for my long note but i didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, tysm ! <3

[lttleghost]

El Camino makes me want to Chew My Arm Off

(I know I’ve made several posts about this movie and my problems with it but I just have to put all of my thoughts down or I’m going to explode)

so, Breaking Bad's sequel movie, El Camino… I’ve tried to like it so long, I’ve seen it 5 or 6 times, and the first few times I saw it I was firmly in denial and thought I enjoyed it even if I had a couple of arguments with it… but I’ve hit this tipping point where I just can't pretend anymore, and I just… hate this movie. and it seems like I shouldn't, right? being a Jesse lover I should be happy that he gets a hopeful, if slightly bittersweet, ending, right? because he does get a somewhat happy ending… right?

except… does he? like even when I was trying to force myself to like El Camino, I was a bit upset by the ending; it seems to be asking a lot of me to believe that Jesse is really getting a particularly hopeful “new beginning” when he’s still alone and without support and now can’t even ever confide in anyone without majorly risking revealing his identity and getting arrested. I also always felt that after the first half of the movie Jesse’s PTSD was kinda… downplayed? and I just have this feeling that might’ve been done with the purpose of making Jesse’s “hopeful” ending a lil more believable considering the circumstances, but I admit that particular aspect might just be in my head.

so that’s not great obviously, or at least it pokes a bit of a hole in the tone of El Camino’s ending for Jesse, but what really tipped me over the edge was realizing what the story communicates in presenting it’s ending as more hopeful and bittersweet instead of just kinda depressing. it communicates that what Jesse needs to do to have a happier life is just make the right choices from now on. BECAUSE YA KNOW, THIS DRUG ADDICTS PROBLEM WAS HE JUST WASN’T MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICES!!!!

and I want to believe that this wasn’t intentional, I know the writers at least sympathize with Jesse, but there are scenes within El Camino that just make it really really hard for me to believe that on some level that isn’t what you’re supposed to take away from it, primarily this one -

and this scene which follows it a short time afterwards -

I think that we’re supposed to agree with what’s being said by the disappearer guy and Jesse in these scenes, that Jesse is in fact at least somewhat responsible for where he ended up. It’s hard for me to imagine that they’re scenes where you’re expected to say “oh fuck OFF!!” and “sweetheart I understand why you think that but no, they fucked up” at the screen respectively. 

now, it’s very in character for Jesse to say what he did to his parents. children who are neglected tend to blame themselves for their own hardships - and I bet Jesse also just wants to lessen the guilt that his parents might feel in general if he can cause he’s a sweet person… but I don’t understand why it was necessary to have the disappearer guy say what he said. he could have said any number of things besides “you made your own luck” to Jesse in response to Jesse not quite having enough money for an identity change, including something simple like the cost of his services is the cost of his services, no exceptions.

and since Vince Gilligan does seem to believe that there is possibly a perfect way to pull off the ending where Jesse did end up in jail even if he couldn’t write it himself I’m even more sure that he’s got a fundamental misunderstanding of the responsibility Jesse has in his actions and what might actually be useful for solving the problems Jesse does have. like yeah, Jesse’s gonna feel guilty whether or not his actions were in his reasonable control because he’s a person who cares about others getting hurt, but I’m sorry, is repentance the actual solution to that? really?

cause, tell me this; how is it useful in any way to continue to “hold Jesse accountable” for his actions by the end of Breaking Bad, isn’t the purpose of doing that to prevent someone from doing the same harmful things again? what is the point of this in Jesse’s case? the only genuinely shitty thing that was his full responsibility and was something that he had a reasonable choice to not do was his attempt to sell drugs to the rehab group, but GUESS WHAT!? Jesse snapped himself out of that idea without much of the way of people telling him it was bad to do. I think this is a lesson learned! and I keep using the term “reasonable choice” for a reason, and it’s because sometimes someone has a choice to do something sure, but it’s unreasonable to expect that every single person will make the “right” choice, like most of the worst things that Jesse does are because he is backed into a corner and/or being manipulated by Walt! oh and Jesse being a drug dealer in the first place? a) selling drugs to people who are seeking them out isn’t actually this massive act of harm long as you’re honest about what you’re selling, people will always use drugs and need to get them from somewhere, also alcohol is more toxic and kills more people than meth does, and b) so while Walt had the choice between selling meth and… accepting help from other people who think that they owe him anyway, Jesse had the choice between selling meth and poorly paying jobs, one of which we see offered is ACTUALLY humiliating, not just “ooh I have to accept help sometimes”, and actually he’d have to do this all while lacking support or help from anyone except maybe his friends who are still very involved in the drug trade because his parents are shitty fucking people who weren’t prepared or willing to have a child that wasn’t “normal”. and it's not like this makes anything that he did good or that he didn't do anything wrong I'm not suggesting that he's a perfect person, but I don't think that what he did is uniquely bad in any way.

and even if I’m wrong and the movie is actually trying to get across that Jesse didn’t USE to have choices but NOW he does I think… the ending still wraps it up badly and it still communicates a bad message. like why are we led to believe that Jesse is going to make different choices from now on? not only does he still have no outside support or resources, but he has LESS options in regards to acquiring those things than he had at the beginning of Breaking Bad and a FUCKTON of new PTSD on top of that. like I think it’s unlikely that Jesse is going to get back into the criminal world but instead of me thinking that because his life circumstances have actually improved in the ways that they should’ve it’s because he’s been through so much horrible trauma in the past that he’ll “know better”. Jesse received trauma that we’re sorta meant to interpret as him learning from, punishment that he learned from, so that now anything genuinely miserable coming up in his life will simply seem better than what he’s already been through, again rather than actually having resources to make his rough patches in life better. El Camino still puts all of the pressure onto Jesse alone to have a better life. and I think that ultimately leaves us with an ending that is bleaker than it wants to admit

I don’t know how I could write El Camino to have the happy ending for Jesse that I both want and think he deserves, at least I’ve not been able to come up with anything that feels believable enough, so sadly I think that the best way to fix it is by changing the tone of the ending so that it does feel bleaker. maybe add in a little more focus on Jesse’s PTSD and that he doesn’t really know how to deal with it later in the movie as well, but still keep in everything that show’s Jesse’s kindness, like him feeding the spider Todd was keeping and the scene with the beetle that always brings the Undertale quote “despite everything it’s still you” to mind. if nothing else I’d hope that it’d make people think about how nothing about Jesse’s life circumstances have changed in a way that actually will allow him to thrive, and feel upset about it because he continues to persist in being a caring person in a world that never wanted him to be.

[onyourhyuck]

Sorry Heart, | 이 해찬 (M)

prologue- “I’m sorry.” + “I ruined us over I know, but now i’ll do the fixing.”

tw- ANGST ANGST ANGST, fluff (ish) romance. exes to strangers to lovers? haechan’s very heart broken 🥲. Jealous hyuck. Yeojun mention. Kiss scene <3

Notes- If y’all never listened to sorry heart by nct dream then you’re missing out. This song makes me ugly cry.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

haechan never felt so haunted by a memory until you finally combusted at his selfish behaviour, everything you did reminds him of things he sees everyday. the same old love songs don’t feel the same way. he can’t sleep at night, because out of nowhere his nostrils would’ve been smelling your sweet chocolate scent and perfume. the same hobbies he had, vanished just like you did, the moment you walked out on him his heart shredded into miniature pieces.

He reminds the way you screamed on top of your lungs making him so flustered, the way your frustration and built up emotions made him realise how much of a fool he was. Your tears were enough to make him notice that you’ve been hurting. He was hurting you all along, without noticing too.

“I can’t take this anymore Donghyuck. If this is how we will end up, i don’t think I can survive. You’re— killing me.”

Hyuck reminds exactly how those words came out. You were holding all the power in your voice to speak them out, to not hesitate. But what you were most struggling to say was five words. He knew the moment your swollen crying eyes look into doe-eyes.

“I’m breaking up with you.”

You suppose the philosophical quote you heard all the time, became true in your life; to love something truly you need to lose it. Haechan never understood it. Until you walked out of his life on your own.

You looked so happy without him. You smile, something you lost when you were with him at the end of your relationship. Haechan remembers that he would be the one making you smile all the time, but how did it all go wrong? When did it all go sour? Where did the sweetness romance and cherries leave to? He just couldn’t believe that he mistreated you. He got angry at everything you’ve done. Haechan swears he didn’t mean to hurt you. To neglect you.

However he isn’t hurting because of himself. He’s more likely to be angry with himself over the fact that he’s lost the love of his life, not due to someone else, but because of him. He was his own enemy. What really is hurting him from inside and out, breaking every will of him to live on— was you.

Losing you was like he lost a part of himself. As if you were the biggest spiritual awakening within him to realise how much of an asshole he was to you. He hates that he was late, late to realising that you were right all along.

You clearly don’t want him in your life anymore. He knows it with the way he would see you enjoying your life. On your social media, posting fun night outs with friends. Meeting new people, enjoying life to the fullest. He hates how he’s the only one drowning in sadness and regret, while he could still have you in his arms.

So why did he late night around 3.00 am stand in front of your apartment, in a simple white shirt and black shorts that he wears to bed with slippers on, knocking at your door as he was soaking wet from the unbelievable storm outside. Despite you most likely to shut the door on him, he ran to your apartment building…

The moment the door swung open, he felt his eyes lift themselves wanting to see your face. Disappointment hit him, but what made him quiver with menacing emotions was jealousy.

“Who are you?” The guy asks watching haechan from head to toe as he was putting on the last shoe. Haechan looking the guy straight in the eyes, at one point the stranger felt like he was interrupting a staring contest.

Hyuck responded with a dead blunt tone, the one that would make anyone shiver as if he was disliking this guy just from laying eyes on him. “I’m looking for Y/n.”

“But it seems like she has company. I’ll go.” Haechan tells turning around to leave, maybe this was a mistake he thought. But then your voice reaches as you made your way to the front door.

“Yeojun who is it?” You conceal with a happy smile. The tall boy moved out of the way revealing haechan. The moment their eyes met something sparks, all the negative emotions coming back to life. You felt your throat thicken, finding it hard to swallow to speak.

Haechan stands silent like a grave. The way you were looking at him, which he can’t blame you, he just knew the minute you stare at him your smile withers away, like the seasons changing. He was frozen in the spot, wanting to move and run away, but the way his legs immediately harden like he was glued on cement curses his life.

“Haechan…” You whisper under your short breath. Yeojun’s mouth widens as he heard you say the boy’s identity, he quickly moves out of the apartment. “Ahh- I suddenly have to leave! Y/n— our Michael Jackson karaoke has to wait for next time.”

You watch Yeojun leave without letting you speak, which left you and Haechan all alone. You’re standing in front of the wide open door as he was shivering, standing like a cold soggy burrito with his white see through shirt wrapping on him tight.

Your eyes went to his wet honey brown skin and hair going flat. You gulp, the way you still find him attractive curses your mind over your heart. Your heartbroken heart.

“I- sorry. This was a mistake. I was…” he pauses finding the right words, though he doesn’t want to openly tell you he misses you when he just saw a guy leaving your apartment. As much as he was jealous and upset that you seemingly found someone so quickly, he still has to respect your decision..

“Was..?” You repeat softly watching the boy who was struggling. Struggling to breathe in your presence even.

I was missing you. He repeats in his head, afraid to speak these four simple words that weren’t so simple to communicate.

There would be emptiness surrounding you with a quiet boy, the boy you once loved, perhaps, still love. But you weren’t even sure what you want, what you feel, what you think of the man in front of you. Haechan didn’t realise it, that all this pressure pushing him was his final downfall, until you point it out.

“Haechan you’re crying.” Y/n softly whispers as you wrap the boy in your arms, pulling your bodies together in a tight embrace that felt home. you felt like home. His one and only safe place still even though you broke up with him for a very good reason. The boy gurgles on his cries, heavily sobbing. Nose scrunching, eyes raining tears as his lips quiver apart with each strain in the voice.

He was rambling on and on about how sorry he was, the amount of sorry’s you heard coming out of him left you stunned. The way he hand his freezing cold hands wrapping on the back of your soft white and beige sweater, gripping it as if his life depends on it. As if he knew you would leave him again after this, so he savours the last time he will ever enjoy your hug.

Not a minute in you pull the boy in the apartment that he was always so welcome into, but somehow this time it was different. It felt like a stranger’s home now. You wrap a warm dry towel on the boy who stays quiet for a few minutes.

He didn’t say much, in fact he wasn’t sure what to say in this situation. Neither did you honestly, you didn’t know what to say.

You glance at the boy’s face noticing that his hair was still wet. You bring the smaller towel in your hands, slowly moving closer to haechan on the couch you’re both sitting at.

“Here let me dry your hair. You’ll get sick if you don’t dry it quickly.” you mumble as he didn’t say anything but let you, reach over his hair and ruffle it around for a few moments. He sniffles, with his red nose and swollen eyes.

“I’m sorry.” He suddenly said properly, without anything interrupting within him. “I am sorry we ended up this way.”

You bite your bottom lip hearing his words. You weren’t sure why it hurts to hear these now, but if it was last week when you broke up with him you would’ve been happy to hear that. That he was sorry. But now you felt the opposite. You didn’t want him to feel guilty or blame himself. As much as it was his fault it wasn’t worth making him feel that way, especially when you’re still not over him.

“It’s okay.” You softly reply and he turns to you as he holds your wrists that were so busy drying his wet hair. He brings them down and holds it tight like a warm hold. You were stuck in his eyes, softly gulping. “Don’t tell me it’s okay. This is far from okay, because I lost you.”

He would spit.

“This isn’t okay y/n, not for me. This feels like hell. I hate seeing you smile without me. I wish for you to be happy with me. I know how much you suffered because of me and I don’t blame you for leaving for yourself. But please, I came here not to make you tell me this situation is okay when it is not.”

You stand quiet where you are sitting as he was holding your hands in his palms, your eyes couldn’t shift away and your lips forgot how to move. He faces you with so much emotion that it was impossible to count how many he was feeling and portraying.

“I ruined us over I know, but now i’ll do the fixing. Please, Y/n. Let me fix us. I don’t even care if you have a boyfriend anymore because I’m not giving up on you.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend..” you trail half confused as you’d watch him suddenly break out of the seriousness. His lips part in the same confusion, turning around the apartment as he points at the entrance door. “Then…who was..”

“Oh…Yeojun— Hyuck that’s a friend from work.” You deadpan and watch the boy shy away from his overall imagination that simply fucked him over by making him thing thinks that were quite the opposite.

“O..oh” he lets out. Somehow he felt relieved and glad but at what cost?

You watch the boy as you softly smile pulling him closer which causes the boy to look flustered for a minute. You lean pulling him into a warm embrace once again. Your face buried itself in his shoulders that smelled exactly like polluted rain and his husk strong honey smell that made you melt.

He was breathing heavily as he hugs you back pulling you tight. The boy felt so welcomed in your body as if it was one with his own human proportions. You just fit right in his arms.

“I don’t want to give you up.” You mutter to him, pulling away to face him. The boy’s eyebrows raise as his eyelashes flutter in happiness. “Really..?” He quietly babbles.

The way haechan felt stimulated with the way he hears you say that you don’t want to give up as much as he does, brings ultimate joy to him. He couldn’t ever give you up. The boy felt like the happiest person in this world. You were his happiness.

“Yeah.” You reply back smiling shyly. “So please Hyuck, fix us. I want us to be happy together.”

The way he leans in to peck your lips at first to make clarification that you weren’t just saying it. The boy pulls away to slowly ask with his eyes if this was okay, in your ideal response you flash your lips straight into his, kissing him deeply. The way your affection and longest longing for each other travels in the kiss made you and haechan bloom like a dead flower back into life.

All those feelings were reborn in the most wonderful way. Haechan finally made a way with your sorry heart, by admitting to his prideful ways and selfish doings when you left. You were the ultimate catalyst for the good change to come. With negative always comes a positive.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

@onyourhyuck please refer from translating copyrighting and plagiarising my work thank youu<3 Reblog this fic and follow me for more to stay updated it helps a girl out <3

[cornleypolytechnicgoeswrong]

ik this is a big ask but could you explain the stuff on the iceberg [https://www.tumblr.com/cornleypolytechnicgoeswrong/687078174822137858/my-proposal-for-a-mischief-iceberg-theres-so] because i'm very new to this fandom and i have no idea what most of it is referring to or any way of finding out.

Hi! Yes of course I'd love to explain this post!!!

It's a very long post so I'll put the full explanation under this cut. I've tried to provide the clips where possible and actually had a really great time going back through my blog to find all these fandom memes haha! Lmk if there's anything else you want explaining + welcome to the fandom!!! :))

Thank you to everyone who's videos/posts/compilations I've included in this post!!! And if anyone has any more context or clips they'd like to add please add them :))

1-

Winston - a dog that is supposed to be in their play Murder at Haversham Manor (The Play That Goes Wrong) but they lose the dog and run around the audience asking if anyone has seen him .

Bunk beds - In Peter Pan goes wrong there is a triple bunk bed that collapses into the actors (bbc recording of it)

Max + Sandra - one of the biggest ships in the fandom which is actually canon. They get together in Peter Pan goes wrong and their relationship develops across the 'goes wrong extended universe' (BBC ppgw video)

Snap snap guy - Dave Hearn originated the role of Max who plays the crocodile in ppgw. He said that people would recognise him in public and call him the 'snap snap guy'

2-

[Corpses corpsing] - In one of their mischief movie night in improvised films, actors that were playing dead bodies started laughing at Harry Kershaw attempting to make something that rhymed with 'amygdala' and saying 'you have the feeling like the tightening of a sphincter' which was posted by mischief on their socials with the caption 'corpses corpsing'

Doors - mischief shows always have plenty of door gags where doors won't open, break, actors get stuck in them etc etc another source

Old neighbour Joe - a character in '90 degrees' an episode of the goes wrong show where half of the set is built sideways so they see 'old neighbour joe' falling past the window outside their house

Tattoos - a fandom hunt to try and work out what Dave and Shields' tattoos are of one two three

Doctor frog - in 'harpers locket' (TGWS) max has a piece of paper on which he's written his idea for a play about 'doctor frog'

BaEeEr? - confusion between Dennis and Vanessa about whether Vanessa is asking for a 'beer' or a 'bear' (90 degrees - tgws)

3-

Delta Von Tassel - a character suggested for a mischief movie night in movie who was a character with no name that spoke in rhyming couplets which became Harry Kershaw playing 'delta Von Tassel' and struggling to rhyme DVT compilation

Bryony + Laura kiss - 2 people kissed during a performance of mischief movie night in after forgetting they're not allowed to due to COVID restrictions

Shields and Dave 54 below - shields and Dave hosted '54 celebrates the muppets' and caused a little bit of mischief one two

DOCTOR josh Elliott? - running joke during mischief movie night runs over one of the actors being a doctor and fandom confusion about what this actually meant one two three

Max/Trevor - another popular ship in the fandom between Max and Trevor (the stage manager/techie)

Jonathan Vs Harry Kershaw - rivalry between Jonathan sayer who played 'oscar' in most mischief movie nights and Harry Kershaw who frequently caused chaos in mischief movie nights rivalry compilation

MIND MINd Mind Mind - 'magic goes wrong' features a character called the mind mangler who does 'magic tricks' and has powers of the mind (mind mind) but the repetition effect after he says 'mind' starts to not work properly

4-

Enjoying the armoire? - one member of mischief plays an armoire in one mmni but they soon discover none of them know what an armoire actually is one two

Put your trousers in the cabinét - Harry Kershaw plays a 'salacious filing cabinet' and sings a song where he rhymes 'say' with 'cabinet' which completely breaks Dave Hearn

Chris leask's rump - Chris leask (plays Trevor in tgws) lies on a table with his arse out as the other actors prepare to 'carve the rump' one two

Execute dick - at the end of their Shakespeare gws episode they wanted to have Robert say 'execute dick' but had to change it to 'execute Chris' because of the Bbc (timestamp- 16.39)

Sandra/max/Trevor - max has two hands meme merging 2 popular gws ships

Henry shields scarf - shields just wears a specific scarf a lot

5-

Nancy and Dave fistbump - Nancy revealed her and Dave Hearn try to sneak a fist bump into lots of the goes wrong show episodes

Trevor/BBC guy - a ship that evolved out of the scenes in BBC Peter Pan goes wrong between cornleys techie (Trevor) and the BBC stage manager

Henry Shields + hot air balloons - Henry shields was trying to get his hot air ballooning licence before COVID

Catching the hat - a miraculous hat toss and catch during a mischief movie night in hat catch compilation

Harry Kershaw thrusting - Harry Kershaw thrusted so hard in a mmni that he fell over

Chris + Robert in the Amazon rainforest - as part of some advertising they created a video that means canonically Chris and Robert accidentally went to the Amazon rainforest

Cpds family run the BBC - big discussion about the reasoning behind why the BBC let cornley back even after the chaos they caused in the past condensed post of the discussion and a bit extra

6-

Papel enforcer - a character created in mmni to catch 'a rogue nun' that was honestly baffling and confused even some cast members (looking at you Henry Lewis) papel enforcer compilation (the very first section of that video)

Koala/human love story - mmni where Bryony Corrigan plays a human spy and Henry shields plays her pet koala. They fall in love.

Shark monologue - Henry Lewis was playing Oscar in a mmni in which there is a shark monologue

Niall's fan catch - niall has a fan thrown to him in a mmni which he catches with one hand and it's very impressive

Teletubbies - at the end of the Bbc Peter Pan goes wrong, their set of a ship breaks off the main set and goes through various BBC studios. Along the way it picks up some teletubbies

Where be my man penis - Annie plays a king in their Shakespeare play (tgws) and has her clothes ripped off her by accident and looks down at her crotch and trying to maintain Shakespearian language says 'where be my man penis? Tis vanishèd' (timestamp 1.48)

Merry Fodliman's green fruit pastilles - groan ups cast performed at the royal variety performance in 2019 George Haynes did an Instagram takeover in which he and Nancy zamit gave fun celebrity stories but changed the celebrities names so you wouldn't know who they were talking about (but it was pretty obvious who they were talking about. Merry Fodliman for example was Kerry godliman a comedian)

7-

Chris bean's speculum - Chris gets very weird about how Vanessa hands him a speculum during an improvved piece in the festival episode of tgws prompting discussions about why he cared so much the clip (timestamp 1.29)

Hello, Steve/it's ben - harry Kershaw as delta Von Tassel tried to rhyme something with another characters name but ended up using the wrong name

Very bad kiss, many dead hamsters - a quote from Groan Ups (a criminally underrated mischief show) after some characters have kissed at a school reuinion and accidentally killed/lost the school's pet hamster groan ups summary here and this post shows a decent view of the hamster situation though it's a joke that continues through most of the second act

Dennis/Vanessa/Sandra/max/Trevor/BBC guy - the max has 2 hands meme taken to the extreme combining many popular ships

70s family photo - all of cornley dressed like they were in the 70s as a gag in an episode of the goes wrong show

8-

Mary had a little lamb (sexy) - a song from a mmni that is honestly just extremely disturbing but difficult to look away from

Jonathan on a dog lead - it's pretty much what it says. Jonathan was in a mmni instead of playing Oscar and he played a dog that crawled around on a lead and made everyone uncomfy

Harry Kershaw's YouTube channel - does what it says on the tin again. He has a very funny video posted.

I have painted myself green - shields painted himself green for a bit on twitter

Hope this was helpful in your mischief journey!!! There's so many more things I wish I could include on that iceberg haha

[cinnamonest]

Do you remember this one post from a while ago where you talked about some of the boy's bad habits? Like Kaeya's constant fidgeting. Would you mind covering some of the ones you haven't, like Zhongli? I want to know how badly he'd drive me up the wall.

Ahh yes this post!

Indeed, I've come up with a few more >:)

---

Tighnari is obsessive about orderliness and neatness. He's incredibly strict, especially with his workspace, which becomes a pain if you ever work with him. You didn’t put the jars back on the shelf in alphabetical order, you barbarian?? And you didn’t even make sure the labels are facing perfectly forward, lined up with each other exactly where the edges of the labels meet?? What kind of uncultured swine would just set them the way you did? Unacceptable.

Things HAVE to be organized the way he wants them organized. This ends up extending beyond just his workspace, but his home as well. If you leave things in disarray, he’ll come over to you huffing in frustration, pull you up to your feet and drag you over to the mess (or “mess” by his standards) that you made. I give you a place to sleep, the least you can do is show some respect for my living space. If you're eating something and get up to go get something else, and leave it unattended for more than a few minutes, it will be thrown away by the time you get back. What are you so irritated for? If you leave it there, clearly you were done.

Additionally, you cannot get away with anything if he’s in a very wide vicinity. You often forget and act the way you would with anyone else – you’ll be halfway up the stairs when you’re storming away all angry, and try to mutter something under your breath, but a voice calls out to you.

I heard that.

You’ll wait for him to leave the hut you two stay in and go outside before fiddling with something you’re not supposed to be doing, accidentally bump something or drop something small, just ever so slight of a thump, and a head comes poking through the door.

What was that?

You’ll be trying to mess with something on your restraints or a locked compartment, accidentally cut yourself on the glass or metal, and inhale just the quietest of sharp breaths, but footsteps come over from the other room anyway.

What did you do this time?

On and on it goes. To be honest, you end up developing a bit of an anxiety and paranoia about it.

---

Zhongli has this... subtle condescension.

Infantilization is not just a bedroom thing. It carries into everyday life, and like, not at all in a hot way, quite an annoying way actually. He acts like you’re a dumb child or something, that knows nothing about how the real world works, who can’t do anything on your own. You once received a parcel and tried to use a knife to break the line of tape, but it was swiftly taken out of your hand. Now now, you shouldn’t be handling things like that. Every day at around 9 pm or so, if you’re still up, he’ll start insisting you go on to bed. You shouldn’t be up too late, it’s not good for your health. Doesn’t let you do much of anything for yourself. You’ll burn or cut yourself trying to make food, you’ll get lost if you go to this or that place by yourself, you can’t handle a conversation with these very important people, so let him do the talking, okay? It’s not only the acts themselves, but also the tone of voice he talks to you with that likewise sounds like he’s trying to talk to a kid.

And you know how sometimes elderly people will feel the need to one-up you on everything you say, trivialize your problems with a "back in my day it was so much worse" sort of thing? Yeah he does that. You can’t complain about anything. Oh, you think it’s too cold in here now? Well, there was a time he lived in the mountains and skies, often below freezing for days on end! That sort of thing. He always sort of smiles and chuckles in this amused sort of way, like you’re a kid or animal doing something silly, and frankly, it drives you up the wall.

---

Kazuha’s is actually a bit surprisingly petulant – he can’t stand it when you’re spending too much time not paying attention to him, and he feels the need to be talking to you all the time. When he’s on his own, sure, he can spend long periods of time in silence, but something about your presence makes him feel like he just has to be talking.

This becomes an issue when you're trying to, say, read a book. He can't just sit there in silence. He has to make some question or comment. Whatcha looking at? What’s it about? Do you like reading? Have you read a lot of books? And then when he can’t think of more questions about that, he’ll be quiet for just a few minutes before starting up again about something else. It’s very obvious that he’s hoping to just get you to put down what you’re doing and talk to him instead, as he just sits there, doing nothing himself but talking to you. Books are nice and all but you know what would be better? Doing something else that involves interacting with him!

Unfortunately he also tends to get his feelings hurt a little easily, so if you snap at him, he'll finally go quiet... except now he's sad. So then he sits there, hanging his head, being very sure he's directly in your line of sight with the sad puppy face. Until you inevitably sigh, say you're sorry and weren't trying to be mean. Only then does he perk back up.

---

Alhaitham unironically manspreads. He takes up so much space when he sits, legs sprawled out, arms spread across the back of the seat if it’s a couch or multiple seats next to each other. It’s not intentional, he doesn’t realize how it might inconvenience others, but still quite obnoxious. You have to end up pointing out that you’re practically pushed to the very edge of the seat because his leg takes up half the space in front of your spot. Yes he does it in public spaces too and yes it irritates people, he’s just oblivious.

This is actually the case in general, he’s oblivious. For such an intelligent young man, he often gets lost in thought or hyperfocused on something in front of him, and his sense of awareness of everything around him diminishes in turn. For example, he’s the type of guy to be standing in a line, but looking down at something he’s reading in his hand, not notice the line has moved and there’s now a big space between him and the person in front of him, and needs the person behind him to give him a tap on the shoulder and point for him to realize he hasn’t been paying attention.

Also, he will finish off a container of food and then put the empty container back on the shelf. Absolute bastard.

---

Thoma’s is less annoying to you and more to other people, but it’s still embarrassing for you because his habit is about you. He’s that guy that decides that everyone he comes into contact with deserves to get the full 20-minute, detailed, powerpoint presentation style speech about you.

And this here is the picture from that time you went to the beach, and here’s the flowers from that time that you visited another nation that he pressed and saved for you, and ensures they know your height, birthday, favorite things, blood type… so on and so on.

He’s also very cuddly. Which is sweet and all, but it can become an issue when, similarly to the other habit, you’re trying to accomplish something. You can’t move around too much when he has his arms squeezing you. But, similarly to Kazuha, he can get his feelings hurt a bit easily, so you can’t bring yourself to really get upset about it, or he’ll sulk and make you feel bad.

In fact, he has a bad tendency about that in general – sometimes you think it’s more subconscious than intentional, but he knows how to put on a perfect sad, quiet act and make you feel terribly guilty about anything.

[tiktokitssinoclock]

The Valorant Gals- Falling Asleep (p.I) Scenarios

Hey everyone! I've been blown away by the support and all the requests I'm getting- thank you so much for taking so kindly to my work! Rest assured if I haven't posted your request yet, it is definitely getting worked on in my drafts. For now, I hope you'll enjoy my first post about the lady agents! I've been sitting on this one for a few days now, very happy I'm finally satisfied with it!

Minors and ageless blogs, DNI // You will be blocked

Viper

Viper was ordinarily opposed to anyone being in her lab. Stepping so much as a toe over the threshold that separated the hallway from her workspace was the ultimate sin in her eyes, something Phoenix had to learn the hard way. Unfortunately today, she hardly had a choice in the matter.

Thanks to a computing error, all of the orbs she pre-loaded with poison were painfully defective. After running a last-minute quality check under a fume hood, she realized she misread the amount of acidic component she was supposed to use- think adding 0.1mL instead of 1.0mL. Given the amount of work that now needed to be done and the fact that she was due to leave for a mission early the next morning, she had little choice in the matter. She needed an extra pair of hands, and the person she'd least grudgingly allow helping was you.

"How much longer does that have?" She called out from her bench, reassembling the second to last orb.

"Two more hours," you replied through a stifled yawn, your head resting heavily on the table as you blearily watched the centrifuge.

She nodded to herself.

"Almost there, then."

"Woohoo," you said, lazily spinning a finger in the air.

She turned around in her chair to look at you, your back to her as you began to drift off. Despite it being almost two in the morning, she was still surprised by the... bottomless respect you held for her space. You put on the lab coat she gave you without question, your hair already pulled back and your safety goggles on without her asking. You were so careful with her equipment, too, only touching things when given permission and confidently letting her know when you didn't feel comfortable completing a task. She felt like she didn't have to keep an eagle eye on you the entire time you were there, which was honestly a breath of fresh air.

"Y/N..." she paused, trying to find the right words.

"You... you weren't insufferable and actually helped make this entire process quicker. I appreciate it."

When you didn't immediately respond, she got up from her chair and walked over to you. You were already asleep, your breath fogging the surface of the metal table with every exhale. She hesitated before carefully pulling the glasses off your face, folding them neatly at your side. The only reason was because you would break them if you started moving, she reasoned with herself, fighting the urge to tuck an escaped strand of hair behind your ear.

She let you crash in her lab as she finished the last orb by herself, tossing the emergency fire blanket over you when she thought you looked cold.

Jett

You slowly intertwined your fingers in Jett's as the two of you observed the one-on-one soccer match between Phoenix and Raze, the pair chaotically trying to claim control of the ball as they raced across the field. Ignoring the blush threatening to splash across her cheeks at the platonic act, she looked down from her spot on the blanket to face you.

"Aw, feeling clingy?" She teased.

"No," you murmured from where you lay, your forearm resting limply over your eyes to block out the sun.

"I'm feeling tired."

"Why? 'Cause Raze kicked your ass?"

"Perhaps. I wouldn't say she kicked my ass though."

"The grass stains on your shirt tell me otherwise."

You grinned slightly at her quip and didn't respond, earning a chuckle from the white-haired agent. A sudden yell reclaimed Jett's attention, her head turning back towards the field. She saw Raze successfully holding Phoenix in a headlock, teasingly knuckling his head as he protested loudly.

"What? Come on, there's no way that counts!"

"Why not, fire boy? You used a flash on me not even five minutes go!"

"That's... that's different," he spluttered, desperately trying to free himself.

"Using a blast pack is just as legal of a move. Right Jett?"

She called out the last part a bit louder, making sure Jett could hear. Jett smirked to herself.

"Of course! If you're gonna play soccer with house rules, you gotta honor them for everyone, Jamie!"

"No I don't! Especially not for someone who doesn’t even call football football."

"Hey she's the one calling it soccer, not me!"

He cleared his throat before putting on his best American accent and repeating Raze's words, his voice higher pitched in an attempt to match her.

"She's the one calling it soccer, not me! Make sure your backup knows what they're talking about next time."

"You little shit-"

Jett laughed, giving your hand a squeeze to make sure you heard. When you didn't squeeze back, she did a double-take. With your arm still slung over your head, you had fallen fast asleep. She figured it was going to happen sooner or later- you and Raze went at it pretty hard when it was still your turn to challenge her throne- so she wasn't sure why she still felt like she was caught off guard.

Maybe it was the warmth of your hand in hers. Or the unexpected softness of your skin against hers. Or the way your lips were gently parted open, looking so inviting and practically begging her to lean over and just-

She immediately shook her head, tearing her gaze away and instead locking her focus on the ensuing wrestling match between Raze and Phoenix.

"Friends don't think things like that," she murmured to herself. Even still, her thumb continued to trace circles across your scarred knuckles.

Sage

Sage wasn't ever caught off guard when she found her regulars seated in the headquarter's sick bay. There was Raze who always came in with jammed or broken fingers, Killjoy who more often than not would operate her soldering tool in dangerously low lighting, Astra who almost always took a good hit or two when working with her stars in the field- the list went on.

What she wasn't expecting, however, was to get Brimstone's call that you urgently needed her attention and would be waiting for her. She rushed into the room as soon as the automatic doors slid open, the familiar scents of sterilized floors and blood flooding her nostrils as her feet carried her to the only drawn privacy curtain. When she pushed it back to reveal its inhabitants, she felt her brain hit pause and momentarily found herself speechless.

With Brimstone supporting practically all of your body weight, you were slumped precariously by the edge of the bed. You were unconscious in his hold, his hand pressed tightly against the bullet wound on your side. Sage could tell by the stagnant dark stain on along your ribs and your pale complexion that you had been this way for quite a while.

"-managed to slow the bleeding, but I'm no healer and don't know my way around proper stitches," Brimstone said, snapping Sage back to reality.

She gestured for him to move his hand and examined the damage for herself, quickly popping her head over your shoulder to check for an exit wound. After a bit of gentle prodding that elicited a few pained noises from you, Sage sighed in relief.

"Good. The bullet made its way out, so let's not waste any more time."

She summoned an orb and flicked her wrist in your direction, closely monitoring your wound afterwards. She let out a sigh of relief as it pulsed a soft blue and slowly closed up, helping Brimstone arrange you so you were laying as properly on the bed. He headed out not long after to let the others know you would be okay, leaving Sage to tend to you alone.

Although you were no longer in danger, the color starting to come back to your cheeks, she still found herself glued to a chair beside you. She hummed lullabies softly under her breath, gently combing out the knots in your hair with her fingers.

Neon Translations: Beshie- Friend

Neon has never been much of a baker. Muffins would come out raw in the center, cake batter would be unbelievably runny no matter how much flour she added, and brownies amounted to nothing more than unedible hunks of cocoa powder.

Despite all this, though, you refused to give up and tried to bake something with her at least once a week. The rest of the agents had quickly caught onto your resilience and knew to steer clear of the kitchen on Thursday nights, something Neon was secretly relieved about. This time, however, she'd almost wished she had an audience.

The cookie batter you'd coached her through making resulted in actual dough; Neon may have added a bit too much butter and it was ultimately stickier than expected, but it was still perfectly acceptable. After the dough was scooped and left in the fridge to firm up, you let her know you'd be resting your eyes for just a few moments. Thirty minutes later when Neon had popped the first try in the oven, though, she decided to join you at the table where you were still taking your 'short' nap.

Your arms were crossed beneath you, your chin neatly perched on top of your wrists as you snoozed quietly. Neon found herself mirroring your movements, staring you down with her warm brown eyes and a fond smile. When you weren't running around like a chicken with its head cut off, she could better appreciate how... pretty you were. She connected the odd freckle here and there with her gaze, jumping from your cheek to your forehead to your cheek again until they were all accounted for. She adored the way you scrunched up your nose, too, watching your eyelids squeeze tightly together before they suddenly opened.

Knowing there was no way to talk herself out of her current position, Neon played into it and pressed her face closer to yours in a teasing manner.

"Good morning, beshie."

None the wiser about what she was doing, you decided to just go along with her. You moved even closer until your noses were just touching. She could feel your breath on her lips as you shot her a bleary smile.

"Good morning. I think I was out longer than intended... sorry."

If you noticed the reddening of her cheeks or the sudden spark of blue in her irises, you didn't mention it as you pulled away to sit up and stretch out your arms with a yawn. You made your way over to the oven, clearly suspicious over the lack of smoke, and the sleepiness dropped from you like a wet blanket. You excitedly cheered about how the cookies were rising and doing just fine, all the while Neon found herself rooted to the table.

One move and I could've closed the gap, she thought as you rushed over to give her a hug from behind.

Fade

Fade still couldn't wrap her head around it. The rest of the agents were frightened of her, her first meeting with them obviously having done some damage. She seemed to suck the atmosphere out of every busy room she walked into it, the tension palpable as all eyes were glued to her until she either left or they fumbled together an excuse to take off. Her assigned teammates for the day would always grudgingly work with her throughout their training exercises, leaving her alone whenever the opportunity presented itself. Worst of all perhaps was their nights off. She often found herself lingering in the hallway leading to the common room, watching the other agents play video games or watch movies from afar. Although she was rather antisocial, it still put a weird weight on her shoulders knowing she couldn’t even sit among them without ruining it for everyone else.

You, however, were the odd exception. You made a point to try to eat breakfast with her every morning, often waiting in the kitchen for her with a plate of scrambled eggs and a smile. When you two were on the same team for the day, you were practically fused at the hip. You shared the same booth in the shooting range, went together to cover the same area for spike exercises, and did yoga in the common area to wind down.

And now here you were. Willingly pressed beside her from thigh to shoulder in your most sacred space in the entire protocol- the book nook you'd set up in your room. Fade let her long-since abandoned novel flop to her stomach with a sigh, her head further sinking into one of the many pillows behind her.

" Listen, I appreciate all you've done to make me feel welcome," she started, her gaze focusing on the softly pulsing lights LED lights you'd strung around the area.

"I truly do. But if this is being done with the sole intention of making me feel... I don't know, more liked? No matter who put you up to it, you don't have to keep it up."

Her jaw clenched slightly.

"I make a lot of the other agents uncomfortable. It doesn't make me upset or angry to admit that- it's simple fact. I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable, too."

After several moments of continued silence, she could feel her stomach tying itself into knots. She finally worked up the courage to look at you, expecting your friendly expression to have dropped and been replaced by the terror you'd always secretly felt. Instead, though, she found you to be fast asleep. Your head was resting on her shoulder, your cheek smushed against her jacket as you breathed softly beside her.

There weren't worry lines creasing your brow. You weren't cowering away from her as far as possible. You were just there, as peaceful as could be while drool starting to trail down the corner of your mouth. Fade looked at you a little while longer before finally coming back to her senses, plucking up her book once more and trying to read in earnest. She found it challenging now not because her conscience was heavy, but because the corners of her eyes were stinging and it was getting harder to see.

[eijiroukiriot]

why do you see bkg as trans?

i've had this ask sitting in my drafts since like august BECAUSE i knew if i did the question justice it was gonna get VERY long and pretty personal - if i'm gonna talk about it then i gotta talk about it in all earnest. and you've given me the floor to talk about it. so!!

at first i had these typed out as two separate points but i think they go a lot more hand-in-hand than that, so to start - when i think about my own gender and why i can't bring myself to identify fully with womanhood a lot of it is because there's something that feels so free about masculinity. mostly just like because of womanhood on a societal level a lot of my experience as a girl forever has been "you need to think about how your existence makes other people feel. you really need to present yourself in a way that's pleasant for other people. the way you look, the way you talk, the way you conduct yourself - people are entitled to having a say in all that. and if any of that isn't living up to the way it's supposed to be, then that's a fault of yours." here's a vent post i made when i was 17:

which is mostly really superficial examples of the suffocating expectation of girlhood but it's also so blatantly about bkg. in the moment my thought process was more like "i'm so deeply unsatisfied with so many parts of being a girl, it sounds like there'd be so many less people to answer to if i were a boy" but it's funny reading back on it bc it's like "dude are you just talking about bkg". but then who's a better example of choosing to stomp through life exactly as loud and rude as he wants to be without answering to anyone than bakugou katsuki!! honest about his thoughts in any case!! free to speak as bluntly and rudely as he wants!! never putting up with shit that makes him feel unlike himself!! walks with big wide steps and wears stupid baggy clothes and doesn't care what people have to say about it and doesn't feel worse if they do disagree. grins crazy blasting himself through the air. fights with big windup swings and shouts all the while. huge huge presence and so unafraid to assert it. named himself great・explosion・murder・god dynamight. i think i project a big sense of defiance onto bkg's character because everything he is just feels so defiant to me. there's just a lot that i admire about boyhood and bkg feels like the embodiment of it to me

and then you've got bkg himself, who like- isn't even fulfilling the "doesn't feel worse about himself if he is genuinely not the greatest or kindest" part of it!! bkg's character is so centered around figuring out who he is and like navigating through the mortifying ordeal of existing and not actually liking the person you are and trying to figure out where to go from there- he really thinks he has so much to prove...both in the sense that he DOES want to project this big image and also that he really can't cut himself a break. and then he freaks out when he's not becoming the person he wants to be and picks a fight with deku over it and totally breaks down and picks himself back up and forces himself to seriously rewire the entire view of himself and others that he's had his entire life - he's 16 - and goes to all this teeth-clenching effort to be a better person and has highs and lows and wears himself raw and then comes back to life. well the quality of the later part of his arc is very debatable. but his character is so about just figuring out who he is and kind of failing at it a lot of the time. and then eventually figuring it out and getting confident and stable in it. he makes friends who rib on him because they know he's got a good heart under it all, and moreover he lets them. he gets good at shouting something back and carrying on. you see the amount of conscious thinking it takes him to take some of those steps - rethinking his relationship with deku, the god am i really fucking doing this scoff before he gives kirishima back the money - but a lot of it is just steady growth. growing up. genuinely getting more comfortable and more okay with himself over time. but there's also all these little failures along the way because he's just a kid figuring it out, and also genuinely this anger towards the world for not understanding it when he does assert himself (sports festival....where deku also specifically notes that he knows he's not as confident as he wants to be!)

i haven't really closely reread bnha in a sec so a lot of this is probably a lot of projecting (i know it's undeniably influenced by the picture of bkg i have in my head) and i probably also didn't really clarify anything, because in the end everything bakugou is feels very trans to me. "the image you have of bkg katsuki in your head can actually be so personal" etc. digging into my archives i found this post from years back where i described basically the same stuff about bkg being a teen figuring himself out and saying "so yeah he's trans" without being able to hit it more on the head. kirishima is my favorite most special boy of all time, and i love him in so many ways, but bkg is my cringefail stinky teen boy in w the unshatterable determination to actually go MAKE himself the person he wants to be, no matter how many missteps he makes on the way there. it brings me a lot of comfort to imagine him being a self-made man as a part of the because gender is so confusing and questioning can be so intense. i'm 23 and i'm typing all this about an anime boy so i hope it's evident what a soul-bearingly honest answer this is bc otherwise oh haha embarrassing. but yeah i love that kid. i hope every little victory and day where his voice sounds good to him and glance of his top scars in the mirror feels like one of the high points on the journey

[abandonedaccount1234]

MY THOUGHTS ON EPISODE 7X08

First off: RIP RICO PRIEM. There needs to be better safety precautions and LAWS put into place, not just contract negotiations, to ensure the safety of all cast and especially crew. No one should have to die to see our favorite show get made. We can week a few weeks/months between episodes if that is what it will take. Our little weewoo show is not more important than people getting home safe.

-honestly, tell him how it is Amir. Bobby affected more lives than just the 148 he took. As much as I love his growth and how he’s healed, the trauma extends past his victims into generational trauma that will probably be felt for several generations.

-it’s so emotionally jarring sometimes to see fun loving bobby who’s worked hard to piece his life back together. and then also remember, he’s the cause of 148 lives being taken. like....how does the man have a job? he would not experience the same treatment of the freedom he’s been allowed post apartment fire if he was a man of color.

-i love how the characters are flawed and not perfect people.

-MAY GRANT where you been my baby

-Athena/Bobby goals 🥰

-so bobby comes from a long line of abusive alcoholics and has been a people pleasing emotional therapist for most of his life, good to know. good. to. know.

-i haven’t personally been too fond of the whole amir’s gonna burn the building down because it kind of plays into stereotypes of black men being violent and unable to work through their emotions in a healthy way.

-i do think race aside, it’s a possibility but after tonight’s episode, it’s not something i wanna be dead set on or right about because fighting fire with fire is not good for anyone involved, no matter how much gut wrenching pain they’ve caused you.

-i mean the cartel is a storyline they haven’t touched on before. i wonder what’s next? bridge collapse? plague outbreak? eddie being demisexual?

-side note: that guy’s flowing long hair is actually so pretty

-his mother should have stepped in more

“you can keep your amends, i didn’t ask for it. it doesn’t mean a damn thing to me.”-oh damn damn DAMN they got me crying on bridgerton day AGAIN

-oh please don’t tell me bobby learned how to cook out of trauma of almost burning his house down because he had to take on the role of his mother after she left his alcoholic father

-Bobby Nash? Nah. Bobby BURNT.

-Get up Amir! Don’t die! You’ve come too far! (in the wise words of my father: a black man can’t ever catch a break, can he?)

-is he actually a ranch worker? don’t trust a man with a truck you don’t know kids. DONT DRINK THE WATER. ITS GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT.

-of course the guy with the car WAS HIS GRANDSON

-did i not just tell you to not take candy from a strange man you just men in the middle of nowhere?

-BOBBY NASH DOES HIS OWN STUNTS

-ommercial break mantra to calm myself: athena will always find you, don’t worry. do what you gotta do to survive guys.

-back to bobby/amir: i think it’s important for bobby to meet someone who can’t forgive him for what he’s done, who no matter how much he’s grown, will never be able to see him apart from the trauma and pain he inflicted. it’s more realistic.

-Who Can It Be Now? Song by Men at Work

-Bobby’s dad dies in an alcoholic accident after he verbally assaulted him for being a kid who was left on his own to figure things out is INSANE TIM MINEAR SHIT.

-i don’t think he’s alive anymore bro...

-is bobby can drop to his knees and pray or something?

-welp he dropped to his knees

-poor little bobby

-NOT HIM BLEEDING ALL OVER THE SCRAPBOOK WHAT IN THE WORSE THAN EVAN BUCKLEY TRAUMA IS THIS SHIT WTF THAT’S UNCALLED FOR NO WONDER HE BECAME AN ALCOHOLIC JESUS CHRIST

-stay alive by matt alder

-I hope Amir sticks around. I like him. He keeps things emotionally interesting. I needed a good cry.

-commercial break thoughts: where tf is charlie now? i didn’t realize how much older he was supposed to be

-BIG PROPS to the makeup team

-i like this new girl, hope we see her again. her hair is flawless.

-acting pro peter krause

-“i live my life just trying not to make anything worse”

-michael jamal warner. incredible work tonight my man.

-what in the offbrand huge hulk loke tommy/buck/eddie are those firefighter dudes

-DONT DO IT LITTLE BOBBY YOU ARE A CHILD WHY DID THEY LEAVE HIM ALONE

-I WAS RIGHT THEY TRY TO BURN BOBBY’S HOUSE DOWN WTF I WAS RIGHT I BET ITS THE DAMN CARTEL

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

Aaaand at last the long awaited chapter 7 that I've been hoarding from yall for a lil while! There's just a little buildup here, so not terribly essential, but I think it was important to write anyway. This sets up the next chapter, so be aware of that...

And as always, I must invite my esteemed guests @itsberrydreemurstuff, @bibooby, @laegume and @andyssilly to the lil slumber party. (If anyone else wants to be tagged just lemme know and I'll put ya in the next one!)

Anyways, on with the show!

Word Count: 3075

The tension from this morning melts away pretty quickly once the kids show up. You’re dragged into a tea party, sipping air from a plastic cup with your knees tucked into your chest to fit you while you gossip to the children about Mr. Teddy Bear’s newest escapade in an overly-posh accent.

That feeling from earlier creeps up on you again, the phantom constrictions in your chest tightening, and you hardly have time to mask your sharp inhale and wince when a hard shock runs up your spine, warning you of what’s to come. The kids seem worried for a moment, but you cover up your reaction with a dramatic tale, urging them to ‘banish’ you to your station to save them from the wretched demon possessing your immune system. It’s not really that type of illness, not the sort they can catch, but you’ve always had a bit of a flair for the dramatic, and your performance does the trick.

You regret not bringing your medicine today, but Sun had warned you not to, and he was effectively the boss. It wasn’t so bad anyway- just a bit of soreness, nothing terribly noteworthy. Worst case scenario, you could take a pill from the Daycare’s little pharmacy cabinet and make it through the day. And maybe call your brother as a last resort, but you refused to bother him unless it was an emergency. For now, you’ll just wait it out. 

Snacktime is announced, and you wheel out the food, standing to the side as your stomach decides to make its hunger known. Did you have breakfast before you left? You don’t know. You didn’t think to pack a lunch (you never do) and your clock-out time wasn’t soon enough for you to placate your hunger. You stare at the contents on the table and remind yourself that it’s not for you, it’s for the kids, and Sun is right there. You return to your work station and attempt to read your book, but the words can’t seem to stay in your head.

By the time the lights go out, the pounding has sharpened, and you’re hardly able to move your legs without some ache in your bones. It’d probably be best if you left the daycare to check yourself over, which you neglect to tell Moon before he even gets his chance to do his little routine. His faceplate tilts to the side with a little click, and you’re out the door before he thinks to say anything. 

—---------------------------------

Moon blinked. That’s…new. They never take a break during naptime. 

The only reply he got from his brother was a subdued hum of agreement. 

—------------------------------

Your slightly unbalanced speed-walking comes to a halt a good 20 paces from the Daycare as you realize you have no idea where you’re going. You’ve never really been through the Pizzaplex aside from heading to your post or to Parts & Service, so you only knew two or three routes in this maze. Well, and the DJ’s arcade, but you only know the directions there from the entrance, not the Daycare. 

Maybe you could find your way from Parts & Service? Last time you’d been, the STAFF bots led the way…

Scratch that. You knew one route.

Lovely. You can’t say that you’re particularly thrilled to do more walking in your state, but you suppose there’s no time like the present to get further adjusted to your workplace. There was a restaurant around here somewhere, right? Even if their only dish was pizza that tasted like cardboard topped with soggy oatmeal, food was food, and it was better than nothing. If you could only figure out how to get there.

The irony of the fact that you have to go find the Map bot and ask it for directions is not lost on you. 

Oh, how the tables have turned.

Luckily, you don’t have to look far. It just so happens that one is conveniently stationed around a corner at some random attraction. You approach it awkwardly and tap it on the shoulder, offering a small, unsure smile. “Hey, I was wondering if you, uh…if you could spare me a map?”

You swear the stoic face of the bot in front of you practically lights up, and you can feel the beaming smile it gives you in spite of its static expression as it shoves a map into your hand with the vigorous and insistent mantra of “Take a map! Please take a map!”

You struggle to suppress the little laugh that bubbles out of you upon seeing its excitement, and you comply with its wishes, shooting it a much more relaxed smile and thanking it before it wheels away to the next set of customers. 

You examine the map eagerly thrust upon you. Apparently there are several dining areas, one for every floor. You don’t have much time to explore, though, so you choose the closest one to you: the FazPad.

After twenty minutes of running around in search of the elusive location, you’re finally able to find and order something from the somewhat overpriced menu with the help of the employee discount. Ordering a Moondrop curry seems fitting considering your position, though you pray Moon doesn’t somehow find out about it. You poke at the bright blue dish that you’re pretty sure is supposed to be edible. It isn’t half as bad as you expected, surprisingly. Shame you couldn’t say the same for its namesake.

Speaking of the lunar menace, you have maybe half an hour before naptime is over, and you refuse to be late. You’d seen them when you were tardy, and it was not pretty. Your mini check up would go pretty quickly, as you were confident it wasn’t anything problematic. 

Another ten minutes is spent trying to find a bathroom (you do not want to go back to use the one in the Daycare while Moon’s still out unless absolutely necessary). You lock yourself in a small stall and lean against the door to look yourself over, fingers gently pressing into your legs and lower back with hesitance. You cringe slightly, lips thinning into a line. You hate when this happens, but it should pass eventually. With any luck, you’d be able to go to work and avoid the worst of it. You’d just have to be a little more mindful of your limits.

This probably wouldn’t end up like last time.

Satisfied with your conclusion, you make your way back to the Daycare. Naptime was still in session and you were anticipating a trick upon your return.

—----------------------

You wake up in a cold sweat, heart racing as you gasp for air, shooting up from the mattress and breathing heavily, your eyes dart around your room, relaxing when you spot the familiar dark silhouettes of your belongings. There’s just enough moonlight from the window for you to make out details. Your hand flies to your chest almost instinctively, as if to verify that your heart’s still pumping, you’re still alive, still here. 

You’re awake now.

Once your initial panic dies down, you become acutely aware of three things. 

The first is that it is very hot, almost unbearably so. Sweat clings to your form as perspiration runs down your forehead. You can hear the AC vents pushing out air, but it doesn’t help cool the burning in your core that spreads through you.

The second thing you notice is that the shirt your hand is clutching tightly is your work uniform. You must’ve blacked out after coming home from work. As usual, you don’t remember that.

The third thing is the feeling of bile rising in your throat, and it swiftly surpasses the first two observations. You stagger to the kitchen sink on numb legs and lean heavily against the kitchen counter, retching violently. You’re still shaking by the time you can manage to lift your head out, forcing yourself to hack and spit the rest out to flush out the remaining fluids choking your throat. You hazard a glance at the sink before washing away the blue chunks. Figures. You’re never having Fazbear’s trademarked trash again.

You navigate back to your room to brush your teeth and rid the foul taste of vomit from your mouth, cranking up the AC on the way to bed. You toss the thin cover aside and adorn your pajamas, waiting for sleep to claim you and take you from this awful feeling. Something nags you in the back of your mind, warning you that it’s only about to get worse before you’re dragged under, in and out of consciousness as the night progresses.

Your alarm blares some time later and you fumble to turn it off. Little shit doesn’t know you’ve been up for the past hour. You bite back a groan. While your stomach had thankfully settled overnight, everything else has hit you full force. 

It’s official. You’re Sick.

Or at least, that’s what the shit feeling leads you to believe.

You make a weak attempt to sit up…only to immediately crash back down again. An involuntary cry of alarm rips from you at that sharp pain that lances through your spine. It’s so much worse than yesterday. You shake your head and force back tears. It usually doesn’t get this bad. It usually just stops at your lower back. 

Still, you have a job to do, and you’re not letting a little thing like this stop you.

Your things are shoved into your bag, work clothes thrown on. You hesitate but decide to bring the pills anyway. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep talking, but Sun yelling at you is nothing compared to this.

You’re out of the apartment before you even remember you forgot to pack a lunch yet again. 

—---------------------------

The attendants can't help but notice that something seems…off…about you.

On the surface level, nothing has changed. You still walk into the room and greet them, still write your reports and go along with Sun’s demands and Moon’s antics. But there are little things that tip them off, like the small limp in your step or the naps you’ve begun taking more often when the lights go out. 

Moon notices your bag has lost some weight. The usual thought and care packed into it is absent. Extra clothes and books are left behind, with only your phone and laptop inside. You’d also taken to bringing those pills. He’d given up on lecturing you about it when all he got was an affirmative that was immediately broken the next day. The lunar AI assured him they were harmless, but it was still off-putting.

Your emails, they noticed, had also become more succinct and to the point. Not that it was a bad thing: you tended to ramble in great detail, even in the simple notes. Lately, though, they found that it was missing something. 

Take your recent Maintenance update, for example. You’d apparently noticed the issues with their joints and filed a request for Parts & Service. You always notified them a day or two in advance prior to an appointment. This time, however, they did not receive your normally well-written email. It remained polite, of course, but it was clipped, curt.

Unexpected.

And it wasn’t just your work suffering, either. Your usual excitement when playing with the children was absent. You were tenser, got tired more easily, frequently taking breaks and hanging back to catch your breath.

No, the change wasn’t too great, but it was there, and it was starting to get a bit out of hand. You’d pretty much been glued to your desk for the last two days. And while you weren’t really required to do much else besides your updates, it still felt…wrong.

It didn’t matter, though, they reasoned. If you weren’t feeling good, you’d take a couple days off and they’d be done with it. They’d have enough leverage in addition to your recent slacking to get rid of you.

They…did still want to get rid of you, Sun reminded himself. You had flaws, flaws that could not exist in their perfect system, flaws that had to be eradicated to maintain order.

It was better for everyone that way.

______________________________________

You rub your eyes, slowly scanning your ID at the clock-in station and fighting back the dark edges in the corner of your vision. You hadn’t been sleeping well as of late, and it was starting to take a toll on you. You didn’t dare to call in sick, however, remembering all too well your coworkers’ reactions when you’d returned from you unexpected time off.

Granted, that was a special case, but they didn’t know that.

It’s not like you knew what had been going on at the time, anyway.

You stroll into the Daycare as usual, bag slung on your shoulder and a slightly less enthusiastic greeting on your lips. Your routine is interrupted when without warning, a dizziness crashes into you and leaves you with spots in your vision. They do not clear this time when you try to force them away. The room spins, and your knees buckle under you, causing you to lurch forward. You brace yourself against the wall and hiss at the sudden burning ache of your muscles. 

As quickly as it came, the feeling withdraws, pulling back fast enough that the dizziness multiplies instead of lessening. Once the room soon stills, you pull yourself back to your feet, sitting down at your desk and getting to work like nothing happened.

Just as well that no one saw.

You’re in the midst of writing another report when your phone goes off. You take a glance around to make sure that Sun isn’t watching and open them. There are three messages waiting for you. One from your brother asking how you’ve been, one mysterious letter from Fazbear, and one from…

Ah.

You skim the last one and dismiss it. The first two are received with greater excitement, something you haven’t felt in a little while. You respond to your brother with your trademarked ‘I’m doing just great let’s talk about something else now’ and read Management’s reply.

Hello, Fazbear Employee, 

We have received your request for funding for greater literary material. After careful consideration, we have decided to approve your proposal. You are required to send a list of materials you wish to purchase. Please remember that any liabilities and/or repercussions faced as a result of this project will result in immediate termination of your contract.

Thank you and have a Faz-errific day!'

Your exhaustion and illness is momentarily forgotten as you squeal and bounce in your seat excitedly. Oh, you already had a dozen titles running through your head that you were certain the kids would love. You’d already compiled a short list a few pages long in your notebook, you’d have to copy it and send it over as soon as possible-

Aaaaand there was that ever so familiar voice piping up in front of you and instantly dashing all your hopes and dreams. “Oh? What’s got you oh-so chipper this morning?”

You swallow down that instinctual feeling of being doused in ice water and manage to maintain your smile. “Management approved my request for buying more books!”

“I’d been under the impression you’d been doing so already..” he remarked dryly.

You ignore his comment, showing him the email and forgetting who you’re ranting to your boss in your excitement about this new opportunity. He takes the device and reads the email himself before responding in an odd voice. “Management didn’t send us an update about this…”

“I just found out myself,” you shrug, not noticing the subtle glare shot at you. “I already had a few titles in mind, but I’d be more than happy to get your opinions on them. The kids are gonna be so excited to get some new stories for naptime, and I’m sure we could-“

“There’s nothing wrong with what we have now for naptime,” he cuts you off, a second, darker undertone layering his voice briefly. His eyes flash red for a split second. 

You blink and hastily amend yourself. “Right, sorry, I just meant that it’ll be nice to have some more variety, that’s all. We could probably find some stuff for you guys, too, if you wanted. I’m sure Moon’s gotten tired of children’s books by now.”

The attendant says nothing for a while, remaining eerily still, and you turn around to see if he’s still there. There have  been some times where they’ve slipped away without you noticing. How they did so was unknown to you considering the many bells hanging from their frame. “Sun?”

The lights cut off abruptly, and the raspier voice returns, drawling sardonically with a hint of mockery. “Awww, you would do that for meee?” He clasps his hands together and flutters his ‘eyelids’ in a show of sarcasm.

“Hi Moon,” you greet him without missing a beat, shutting your laptop and rummaging through your bag for that notebook of yours. You normally brought it, but maybe you’d forgotten it again. You seemed to be doing that a lot lately…

A blue arm shoots out and grabs yours, promoting you to look up at your assailant’s glowering gaze.

“We don’t need your handouts, certainly not from the likes of you,” he hisses, squeezing your wrist tighter for emphasis. 

You manage a nod, swallowing the lump in your throat and lightly tugging at your arm to signal your desire for release. “R-right, of course, sorry, I just thought-“

“We aren’t interested in the thoughts of a mere worker.” His grip does not yield, the silicone masked metal hand like a shackle. You briefly recall Monty’s harsh bruises (time) before. You don’t want another limb to stop functioning right now. That would really suck.

He leans in to speak, privately relishing in the way you try to lean back with an inkling of fear. He grins sharply. “Y-“

A knock at the door startles the two door of you, earning a growl from Moon and a shuddery exhale of relief from you.

He sends you one last loathsome look before the lights flicker on and Sun attends to the new arrival. You release another sigh, rubbing your now sore wrist. Another ache added to the list.

And with that, a new day has officially begun.

As optimistic as you’d like to be, you’re pretty sure you know exactly where it’s going from here.

———————

Aaaaaaaand that’s a wrap! Sorry for the long wait everyone, hope it was worthwhile and I’ll see you all in the next one!

[macabremoons]

Writeblr Positivity Tag

@hallwriteblr did a post of this tag, and I knew I had to try it out! Doing what they did and putting the blank format underneath the cut!

Gently tagging: @squarebracket-trick, @leisoree, @serenanymph, @immortaladrien, @thesoftestofpetals, and anyone else who wants to join!!!

1. What motivates you to write?

The plot threads I have later down the line in my wips and my characters. Both of these points are really the same. I am excited about the things I have planned because they highlight the characters, and I am excited because my characters for the things I have planned.

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

I have to pick just one????? Oh lord.

Undead things aren't supposed to grieve other undead things, and yet so many vampires were now without fathers, mothers, brothers, and sisters.

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

@mouseinthegreenhouse's Maximilian. They have to put up with my simping sm HIOEWHOIW. It's hard to describe Max in a way that does not boil down his character. He just has this presence that you feel in every page, this captivation. A slow, measured way of speaking where he knows no one would dare interrupt him. Love him to bits.

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

I haven't really gotten to the editing phase with any of my OG works, so I guess I have to say drafting?

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Character. I try my best to write characters that are analysis worthy. That have a deeper meaning in their existence and that have a lot to say about the world. Of course not all of my characters are as well thought out as others, but when I do put my all into it there is so many intricacies that go into them.

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

THE PEOPLE. I LOVE YOU GUYSS. I love seeing your works and hearing your feedback and the tags and the asks. And the mutuals. The mutuals. Getting to know other writers and getting to talk about writing more deeply with them is so much fun.

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I use WPS Offcie for my more serious projects. It's like Word, but free, and also not owned by Microsoft. This helps me not write in the middle of the night on Daycycle and work on it healthily. It is the bane and boon of my existence.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

Why must you continually make me choose a favorite child? I like how I tackled the elements on daycycle, I suppose. The fact that every element has it's own ideology behind it gives me a lot of freedom with what I can do with it. It also helps me say a bunch of stuff with it! And I enjoy making none of the elements good or evil but keeply neutral with their own psychological behavioral patterns.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

People are going to tell you to just keep going and you're going to think that it's impossible. I'm sorry to tell you that it's hard, but it's possible. I believe in you and your ability to write through this.

Unless you are going through writing burnout TAKE A BREAK. TAKE A BREAK. TAKE A BREAK. "But what if--" NO. BREAK. NOW.

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

@squarebracket-trick for her amazing writing. I really feel like I could have a discussion about any form of writing with her and she'd have something to say. @sugar-phoenix, @lyra-brie, and @leisoree for listening to my rambles and sharing their gorgeous juicy ideas to me. @wipsbymor for RJ. What I have to say more? Sigh, also for her continued support and kindness. @hallwriteblr, yes tagging you again, for being such a kind person in this community and for writing that sage one shot. @serenanymph for being one of my first mutuals and a talented writer to boot. And to everyone who is my mutual! I love you all!!

1. What motivates you to write?

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

4. What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

10. Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

[gildedlife]

repost and rate your muse's traits out of 10 in each category !

★  ⸻   COMPASSION: steadily increases from a 6/10—he's never entirely without compassion, even if at his worst he seems able to "switch it off." he's not always in a position of total command, either, which makes him complicit in the lack of compassion of others, even if he visibly disapproves. he can fight dirty in a way that makes him seem prejudiced and unsympathetic, but this is only in moments of great fear or upset, and he isn't as convincing as he thinks he is (think: "i'm going to use the worst term i can conjure to describe you, and not only will my voice break when i say it, i'll reel back in self-disgust afterwards").

★  ⸻   BITTERNESS: 4/10, though he acts so melodramatically in the early days as to suggest something deeper. it's when that persona falls away and he seems more at ease with himself that the real issues come out, and then they're based in a history so far off from where he is that he's more resigned and shameful than he is bitter. post-canon is when it starts to sink in that career-wise, at least, there is something to be bitter about.

★  ⸻   HAPPINESS: 5/10. his scale is a little bit backwards for this. he's false-happy until there isn't room for it anymore, and then he's real-happy when things are miserable because he's no longer putting on a show. there's a storm-before-the-calm moment at the dead center of his narrative, where he's holding so tight to what he thinks is the truth (regarding who he is and how he has to conduct himself in order to be at peace) that he is, spoiler, punched for it. and, spoiler, he gets as close as a person can to asking outright to be punched for it. at his happiest-looking, he is generally at his most unhappy. at his unhappiest-looking, he is generally at his most happy.

★  ⸻   POLITENESS: 8/10, decreasing. among society he earns top marks. stranded on a ship in the arctic circle, certain things start to slip, though never in their entirety. he can be a little boyish with his language when he's trying to process something, but this is in comparison to a former captain who had to lock himself in his cabin and fume if anyone alluded to a woman having ever been nude. high bar.

★  ⸻   MORALITY: with regard to the lives for which he is directly responsible, a high 6/10, inching up toward 7. from our perspective, and from the perspective he doesn't gain within the story, it's more like a 3/10. the whole of what they're doing is wrong, which we are supposed to know but they aren't. his morals are decent as far as they extend, which is deliberately restricted by his plot. he only begins to reconcile himself to the cruelty and foolishness of the cause in post-canon (i.e., here, with me).

★  ⸻   CHIVALRY: 9/10. he's very courteous and fine at a party, but he's also chivalrous in the sense of a knight, in that he's brave and heroic and as just as he can be. he doesn't see himself this way, though.

★  ⸻   PRIDE: oh boy. what he projects is consistently high, sometimes even an insufferable 10/10. what he feels is infrequently higher than 4/10. he sees himself as a fraud. even the things he does that make him look good, he believes he is doing because they make him look good. "it's all vanity." actually—if you aren't bothered about being spoiled on some his character arc, more specifically in relation to francis—this clip sums it up very well.

★  ⸻   HONESTY: with the exception of his whole existence, which he thinks is a lie, yeah, a solid 7/10. when the captain says, "and remember! god lies in all realms," before sending you to almost-certain death, james is the one off to the side saying, more comfortingly, "[the surgeons] are just below." his lies haunt him so he tells them sparingly (he will also omit truths that primarily negatively affect him; they don’t count as much).

★  ⸻   BRAVERY: 9/10, by the end. not that it's low to start, he's just had time to practice recounting stories that make him sound exciting, whether embellished or not. he brutally challenges the legitimacy of his own valor as if he doesn't have the scars to show for it.

★  ⸻   RECKLESSNESS: 8/10. jumps unprotected into freezing water to save drowning men (pre-canon), hauls ludicrously heavy sledges without telling anyone he has open wounds, twice prepares and fires rockets with the use of only one arm and no men to help him, maybe goes a little overboard with a morale-boosting party, and fights captain crozier on his own ship about his hottest-button issues.

★  ⸻   AMBITION: 10/10. he was on the sea by 12 and hasn't stopped building his way up since.

★  ⸻   LOYALTY: 8/10? he pushes crozier hard and sometimes disrespectfully, but he never actually goes against him. he isn't even disloyal to sir john, who is. questionable.

★  ⸻   LOVE: 9/10. it’s implied through his dialogue that he doesn’t love his men more than god loves them—and presumably would be slower to forgive some—but no loveless man could give himself away as he would. for someone who criticizes themselves for their vanity, he’s very willing to be utilized and forgotten; disappeared in a pretty literal way.

★  ⸻   SENSE OF FAMILY: from a 3/10 (pre-canon and much of canon) to a 10/10 (by the end and following). he doesn’t have a firm definition of “family” until he’s said aloud what he thinks it is, or should have been, and then it’s quickly up from there. he starts to see it in the people around him as opposed to focusing on the absence of it in the people behind him.

★  ⸻   ATTRACTIVENESS: 7/10. he’s the “handsomest man in the navy,” both according to canon and real opinions in history. does this say much? not really. he does have a sort of gravitational pull, however, when he turns on the charm, to which only captain crozier seems truly impervious. he is good-looking, well-groomed, and well-spoken, but again benefits from existing where none of that matters. but yes, okay, he’s generally nice to look at. it annoys some people.

★  ⸻   AGILITY: 10/10 to a 2/10. he is the “best walker in the service” and lives up to it. he then pays the price by eight points off his agility score. his hips, spine, and feet are never quite up to snuff again, and his left side in particular—leg, lung, eye, arm—never heals beyond semi-functional.

★  ⸻   SEX DRIVE: 6/10 because he’s trained himself so. he’d like to be active, but he’s too in the spotlight as a captain and would be hanged if caught out.

tagged by: the loveliest @inrovina and @inflame, who messaged me privately to say i might like filling this out, which is equally touching. tagging: @midcenturies, @guttersniper, @soothfog (any character or blog you like!), @wantsusdead, and anyone else who hasn't been tagged. ♥️

[tamelee]

Hi 💕

I recently read a post where they said that Kishi intentionally constantly extols Sasuke's appearance, breaking patterns and so on. That's not the point. The same post says that Naruto is disgusting and not handsome at all, that was the reason why I deleted this post out of sight, well, that is, have you seen Naruto? He's the most beautiful man on earth, that's just my opinion, but that's the point that beauty is a relative thing, right? I do not dispute that Sasuke is handsome, but for me personally Naruto is more attractive both externally and internally, and this author declares with such firm confidence that Sasuke is the most beautiful of all, and Naruto is disgusting, it just knocked me out of the rut.

It would be interesting to know your opinion, do you think Naruto is handsome in appearance? Thank you in advance for the answer.

I hope you are doing well 💕

Hi Nonee 💕

Naruto being “disgusting” or measuring his visual appearance and then deciding if he is attractive or not are entirely different things. The latter, sure, is subjective. It is true that in the Manga, Sasuke is seen as beautiful and handsome, those words are used by other characters, his fangirls, I think Temari takes note of it- even Orochimaru, hence it being one of the reasons the creep wants his body.

Everyone seems to agree except Naruto who is annoyed by it and therefore in denial :’).. why? Well also because Kishimoto made it a point to make Naruto voice it out to Sakura of all characters after constantly comparing him to the “sort of but not really” Sasuke look-a-like Sai. Pfft. Naruto and certainly until 12/13y, unlike Sasuke, is supposed to be messy. His room isn’t necessarily clean let’s just say, his food not of great quality or spoiled and his manners- or what some deem to be “normal” anyway, aren’t always usual. He can be loud and ‘in your face’, and uses a sorta “notice me”-type of speaking that can drive people away. And let’s be honest, I did not see him wash his hands after that diarrhea-fest in Chaper 3… hehe. But that’s normal in these circumstances right? He grew up without proper guidance or caretakers, left alone to take care of himself and quite honestly??! He did amazing imo. When Sakura grumbles about Kakashi being late and she had to rush and so didn’t have time to blowdry her hair that morning, Naruto agrees with the criticism against Kakashi and says he also had to rush, therefore didn’t have time to brush his teeth or wash his face (I think it was that). Sakura scolds him about being gross and Naruto sorta ruffles his unruly mop of hair because he knows. It’s not like he lacks the knowledge at that age or doesn’t care which tbh, says a lot about Naruto then. We see him wear pj’s at night and eat at a table. He puts away his headgear on a cabinet for easy access and it’s not on the floor somewhere. The guy has priorities, always had. When Naruto said he had to pee, even before he does anything, Sakura bitches again telling him to not do it in front of her, a lady, but thinks to herself it would be okay if it was Sasuke because her “inner Sakura”-face said very well what she meant there -_-“ implying that Naruto is the one who is disgusting and not her for desiring to see Sasuke’s… tools. I’m currently re-reading the Manga for my own research and I can’t really think of a moment that truly says “Naruto is disgusting”, he is messy, yes, but I think that is genuinely a part of him that can be appealing and makes logical sense considering his childhood. Just as it makes more than sense that there are spiderwebs and all forming in Sasuke’s home after the death of his family. Entirely different reasons, but it makes sense, yes?

But then also, what do you think training does to these kids? Or anyone for that matter. Running around in nature all day, picking up and throwing Ninja tools which whomever touched before you, left and right, coming into contact with enemies perhaps in close physical contact, blood, sweat- not one of them stays clean. Neither does Sasuke whom also willingly joins a throwing up contest with Naruto during the LoW-arc. At the end of the day, they’re all ‘disgusting’ if you really think about it. And I say that lovingly.

Now Naruto is genuinely the cutest as a kid. Don’t trust anyone who says otherwise. Especially when he makes the -.- face, he’s so confused sometimes omg 🥹 and later as a teenager, I do think Naruto is handsome. Absolutely. Kishimoto was so extra during those waterfall training sessions too lol. Doing the most. The eyeliner, sage-mode visuals… my gosh!! Kyuubi Chakra ears with ripped chain mail clothes and blood and dirt smeared all over him mwhahahaha, remember that panel of him holding his arm? Naruto is fine as hell too. Isn’t that how Karin stans over Sasuke as he loses clothes during battle all the time as well? Even voicing it out as if it wasn’t clear enough…

Hope you’re doing well ^^ have a nice day 🌷💕

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Great Hunt! Chapter 30: Daes Dae'mar

Putting on that fancy jacket sure was a mistake, huh? Everyone knows you're up to something now. Oh you can say you're just an innocent lamb, but that's just what a scheming noble would say. Consider this post an invitation. Accept it, and I'll give you all my Wheel of Time spoilers. Decline and... I won't really be able to do anything because I have no way of knowing when someone sees this and moves on. I didn't think this through. But I guess you won't be spoiled for the whole series, so if that's your goal, that's nice.

Another rising sun chapter because we're in Cairhien. I hope these icons start getting a little more obscure soon.

The Illuminators were on everyone’s tongues in the city, even now, days after the night when they had lofted only one nightflower into the sky, and that early. A dozen different versions of the scandal were being told, discounting minor variations, but none close to the truth.

Note how distorted these tales are in comparison to the Seanchan because of how much is being deliberately kept in secrecy.

It was an effort for Rand not to sigh again. “Hurin, I’m sorry. I should not have shouted at you.”

This whole conversation is of course a microcosm of Rand's upcoming dealings with humanity as a whole and a rehearsal for when Rand gets really shitty to Hurin much, much later.

“He hasn’t done that before. Loial, do you think he was listening at the door before he knocked?”

As Loial says, Rand is starting to understand how the game is played. That said, Cuale probably was just freaking out over the senders of the invitations more than eavesdropping.

“Whatever they make of it, at least it’s the same for everybody. I am not for anyone in Cairhien, and I am not against anyone.”

You can't blame the kid for trying I suppose. But this is just the Pattern trying to teach Rand that he doesn't get to sit in holding patterns and have everything work out. He's got to move forward and act.

With most Houses, it wouldn’t matter. Even when they’re plotting against each other to the knife, they act like they aren’t, out where everybody can see. But not these two.

Again, Rand doesn't get to just wait it out. He has to make a decision.

“I won’t break the seals. That way, they will know I have not answered either one yet. As long as they are waiting to see which way I jump, maybe I can earn a few more days. Ingtar has to come soon. He has to.”

Of course, Rand really doesn't want to learn any lessons at all, so he's still kicking and screaming.

After a moment, he pulled the two invitations from his pocket and studied the seals, then stuck them back.

This chapter uses the word "seal" so much that I'm trying to find a way to tie it into the actual seals but so far I've got nothing. Rand does hang onto the unbroken seals he finds, but his hesitance in breaking those is a lot more about not being ready for the final boss fight yet than refusal to play and he doesn't really showboat with them for obvious reasons.

He avoided thinking of the way he might, just might, deal with ten Trollocs. It had not worked when he tried to help Loial, after all.

At least his denial here is based on practicality instead of just pigheadedness.

Rand thought a man, dressed in what had once been good Shienaran clothes, ducked back into the crowd at the sight of him, but he could not be sure.

Almost certainly that's exactly what Rand saw, and the news that he and Loial are so far away from the Horn spread quickly.

“It is my pleasure to do what I may,” the man said with his false smile.

The question here is, is he outright lying of his own accord because that's what he always does or is he being specifically instructed from above not to cooperate?

Moiraine, he thought bitterly. She’s still causing me trouble. Almost immediately, though, if reluctantly, he admitted that she could hardly be blamed for this. There had always been some reason to pretend to be what he was not. First keeping Hurin’s spirits up, and then trying to impress Selene. After Selene, there had not seemed to be any way out of it.

Points to Rand for having the self-awareness to admit that all Moiraine did was give him the rope to hang himself with. All things considered, many would just be angry with her and move on with their lives from there.

Thom’s nephew had lasted almost three years by channeling only when he thought he had to. If Owyn had managed to limit how often he channeled, it must be possible to not channel at all, no matter how seductive saidin was.

Well sure Rand, but you've literally just established that you have a hard time not using every available tool at your disposal so plot-convenient ultra-heroin is probably not a drug you can just take a little hit of at parties, you know?

The closer they came, the more certain it was, until they rounded the last stone-terraced corner and there was The Defender of the Dragonwall, smoke pouring out of its upper windows and flames breaking through the roof.

If Tuon were here, she'd likely explain to Rand that a military-themed inn bursting into flame was a Seanchan omen foretelling the fall of its city to the depicted enemy within the year.

She's not here, thank the Light, but that's probably what she'd say and she'd be right.

The common room hardly seemed as if the building were on fire. The double line of men stretched up the stairs, passing their buckets, and others scrambled to carry out what furniture was left, but there was no more smoke down here than if something had been burning the kitchen.

The Cairhieniens are probably pretty big on fire safety after the last invasion anyway. Without industrial pipes and hydrants to supply water for you, city fires can be downright apocalyptic.

“You cannot carry Hurin and the chest both, Rand.” The Ogier shrugged. “Besides, I won’t leave my books to burn.”

The books are obviously Loial's number one priority here but he has the decency to feel a bit guilty about that.

The banner was still in there. The banner of the Dragon. Let it burn, he thought, and an answering thought came as if he had heard Moiraine say it. Your life may depend on it. She’s still trying to use me. Your life may depend on it. Aes Sedai never lie.

Yeah this boy can't even leave behind the thing that would get him killed anywhere in the known world for possessing it. No way he's not going to be shooting up ultra-heroin every chance he gets even if his life didn't turn into an epic fantasy.

The onlookers stared at him, with his face blackened and his coat covered with smut, but he staggered to where Loial had propped Hurin against the wall of a house across the street.

I'd be staring too, who walks around with a coat covered in por-

"A small flake of soot or other dirt".

Oh. Do you know this may be literally the only time I've ever seen this word used in its non-sexy context?

Rand felt a shiver run through him. “It’s too late,” he told them. “You came too late.” And he sat down in the street and began to laugh.

It's cool Rand, nobody is going to think your acting like a crazy person is suspicious behavior AT ALL.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Its 10 p.m. Do You Know Where Your Terrasen Heir Is?

Celaena Sardothian has succeeded; she won the assassins' competition and is now working as the King's Champion. Well. On face value, she is, anyway. Dorian is beginning to understand that being heir to his father's throne is going to require him finding and using his backbone, and Chaol...is having like six different morality and loyalty crises and is smart enough to put puzzle peices together but not secure enough in himself to make good choices. Basically, our three POV characters in this book are starting to lose the comfort of their facades and positions and are going to have to figure out where they stand in a world of shifting geopolitics and magic that was supposed to have disappeared ten years ago. Let's talk Crown of Midnight.

This is you SPOILER WARNING. Below the break there will be SPOILERS. Be warned.

So there were things I absolutely adored about this book, and a couple of things I fully yelled down the internet to friends about because WTAF??? And I continue to be absolutely floored that SJM moved FROM the Throne of Glass Series TO A Court of Thorns and Roses, because TOG shows competence and an understanding of how to effectively meld character and geopolitics to move the plot along and ACOTAR...has the specialist Bat Boy ever. But this post isn't to slam ACOTAR, it's to hype Crown of Midnight.

Possibly my favorite early reveal in this book is that Celaena has been staging the deaths of everyone the King sends her to kill before getting them out of Adarlan and pulling appropriate-ish heads and other body parts from charnel houses to "prove" her kills. The amount I adore "Professional Assassin Refuses to Kill on Demand" is high, and Celaena taking what should be her blood money for murdering people on demand but is actually her reward to herself for not killing people and going ham on pretty clothes, shoes, books, and jewelry is just A+. The layers there are just incredible. Celaena is positively reinforcing her hella risky but morally right choice with stuff that makes her happy. But from the King's perspective or anyone who doesn't know she's not killing willy nilly, it just reinforces the murder Barbie aesthetic; she looks hella competent at the murder but sufficiently airheaded in other areas and nobody suspects her of being smart enough to be pulling a subterfuge. I adore this, and I also adore that Celaena can be, as Jake Peralta says, two things. She's allowed to be HELLA scary competent in the assassin business but she can also like pretty dresses and sparkly shoes. Murder Barbies are wonderful, is what I'm saying.

This gets a little complicated when Celaena tries to bring the sister of her heart and the man she loves into her little personal rebellion against the King's Champion role. Chaol is absolutely horrified because by the time she tells him, he's head over heels in love and his nightmare is the King ordering him to kill Celaena. Nehemia interprets this as Celaena being rebellion-curious, which for a seriously good-sized chunk of this book she is vehemently not. Nehemia calls her selfish and a coward, and this really does a number on their friendship, especially after rumors that the lost heir of Terrasen, Aelin Galathynius, is making waves and setting up a rebellion.

On top of ALL THAT is Celaena's next target: Archer Finn. She knows Archer from back in her days as Adarlan's Assassin, and from minute goddamn one, this man is more trouble than he's worth. He is WHINY, he wants his MONEY, he wants more TIME...Honestly by the second time he's bitching and moaning about the conditions under which Celaena is willing to smuggle him out rather than straight up murder him, I was ROOTING for her to kill him. Once it turns out he was actually tied up with the rebels and was responsible for Chaol's kidnapping and Nehemia's death (put a pin in that, we're going to come back to it), I was extremely ready for her to stick a knife in his squishy spots.

Chaol also managed to slide down my list of favorite characters this book, because the man is HOPELESSLY tangled in duty, suspicion, love, and a total inability to recognize that some things cannot be rationalized away into being ok. He's been falling for Celaena since book 1, but it seriously does not take long after they finally do sleep together for their relative positions as Captain of the Royal Guard and King's Champions (officially) and lapsed heir of Anielle and missing heir of Terrasen (unofficially) absolutely fuck up their entire relationship. The fall is helped along by Archer kidnapping Chaol to orchestrate Nehemia's death, but then Chaol goes full-on Captain on Celaena afterwards and has been keeping secrets from her in the meantime, so the trust they had is well and truly shattered. Although that doesn't actually stop Celaena from handing Chaol the information he needs to put it together that she is Aelin Galathynius, so apparently she still trusts him that far.

Between the interpersonal stuff, Celaena is still working on figuring out wyrdmarks and the tomb below the palace. She gets bare minimum help from Elena and Mort (everyone's favorite magic doorknocker with an attitude problem), but eventually she does sort them out enough to be able to open portals and work spells, with absolutely terrifying results. It also reveals to both Dorian and Chaol that Celaena is at least part fae, but she cannot take her fae form in Adarlan thanks to the King's use of wyrdkeys to muffle all magic except his own...and Dorian's.

Poor Dorian has just the worst time in this book. He finds out he has hella powerful, extremely uncontrolled magic, and spends the whole rest of the book panicking because nobody can teach him how to either control or hide it, and he is convinced (rightly so) that his father will murder him if it becomes known that he has magic. Luckily, Celaena is on his side there, and murders Baba Yellowlegs (*deep sigh* put a pin in this one too, we'll come back to it) to prevent the secret from being sold to the highest bidder.

Overall, the messiness of the interpersonal relationships in this book is absolutely delightful. People make mistakes, mistakes have consequences, and emotions are messy and complex in ways that affect both the characters and the geopolitical plot aspects of the book. It was also just REALLY fun to read through and watch everything go to hell in a handbasket in a way that felt motivated and deeply connected to the worldbuilding.

That said, this book was not flawless, and there were two key things that I really had problems with: Baba Yellowlegs and Nehemia's death. Baba Yellowlegs is objectively the first instance in the Maas-verse of what becomes a habit for this author that drives me up the goddamn wall. I have no issue with allusion to the mythology of our world in fantasy novels. And Baba Yellowlegs, in defense of this allusion, is built into the worldbuilding of TOG far more effectively than the Seraphim and Myrmidons of ACOTAR. But there seems to be a pattern of Slavic mythology being used only for evil characters that I don't love, especially when Slavic mythology tends to be significantly deeply nuanced and multifaceted. I do not love that all of that nuance and complexity and the sense of ambiguity in general is collapsed in favor of "evil witch in the woods with bigass yellow chicken legs." And this is pretty consistent in the Maas-verse, so while I might have been willing to let this slide on its own, it's representative of a pattern I'm not a fan of in SJM books in general. Also...THE LEGS WERE ON THE COTTAGE. Something about "Baba Yellowlegs" was just viscerally irritating to me and I hate it.

The other issue I took with this book is that it full-on fridged the single female POC character. And frankly it's not even subtle. Nehemia full-on asks Elena about it, and makes the decision to die specifically to galvanize Celaena into action. I genuinely hate that Nehemia self-fridges here. Fridging is, as Red from OSP says, "such a Fuck You to a character." Like, I was here for the Celaena and Nehemia start a rebellion show, but noooooooooooo, apparently that was less interesting than Celaena adding ANOTHER dead friend to her heart. This also full-on killed the racial diversity in the book, so we're back to an all-white cast, and that just adds a bad taste to an already bad trope. That said, I'm objectively less mad about this than I was at the fridging in Battle Ground, even if it does take the ONE female friendship that I was so enjoying and wreck it.

Oh, and I can't forget to mention Fleetfoot, the goodest girl ever. I absolutely adore that Celaena has a pupper, and Fleetfoot just adds a lovely human element to Celaena. There didn't have to be a dog, but I adore that there is one. And not gonna lie, I had basically the same reaction to Chaol leaping through the bigass demon portal that I did when my sister yote herself off our deck to stop our dog from trying to make friends with a moose: A combination of "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU THINKING????" and "Obviously we save the dog, it's family".

So overall, I am thoroughly enjoying the Throne of Glass series, and I shall be continuing my SJM reads.