#does that mean music sucks bc i can't understand anything

[strangeswift]

Mike is Graham.

MIKE IS NOT GRAHAM ok listen.

(for anyone clueless this in in reference to a byler but i'm a cheerleader au)

i Understand why you would think mike is graham. but let me tell you why that is wrong. putting a readmore bc i went off

ok first my arguments for will as graham. first of all you people always wanna make mike the edgy one bc finn is cool and he has long hair but listen up. will byers is the one who is into punk music and while they both hold anticonformist ideals will is the one who puts his money where his mouth is while mike is out here "trying to be as normal as possible" (finn's words) by getting a girlfriend, not wanting to play dnd anymore in s3, etc. meanwhile when he asks will if he thought they were never gonna get girlfriends and just play dnd for the rest of their lives, HE SAID YES. okay that is Bold as Hell and very much a graham move. he is still emotionally vulnerable and he still does art, two things that caused people to see him as gay in the past and yet he continues to do them bc that's Who He Is. graham is more masc presenting which would cause her to be seen as gay and at the beginning she is Unapologetically gay, which is way more will than mike. (i could keep going but i won't)

ok now here is why mike is megan. at the beginning of the movie she doesn't know she's a lesbian, she just surrounds herself with girls, and hangs up posters of girls (hello buff dragon poster + the superman obsession), and has a boyfriend she makes out with but doesn't enjoy it (hello mi1even). in My Opinion will realizes that he's gay before mike does (i know we all have different opinions on When he realized). plus i just strongly prefer mike being the one having a Big Gay Realization in fics. AND megan literally rescues graham HELLO PALADIN CODED MUCH SHE LITERALLY SNEAKS INTO THE GRADUATION AND RESCUES HER HELLOOOOOOOOO JUST LIKE MIKE IS ALWAYS OUT TO RESCUE WILL i am not calling will a damsel in distress by any means bc graham certainly isn't. in different ways they save each other. but the heroics are down to megan. WHICH. IS. MIKE.

now here's how the girls family lives would translate. so megan has parents that are avid church goers and they act as if they care So much for megan, but when push comes to shove they abandon her. that said, they're not as outwardly disgusted by her being gay as graham's parents are. graham's dad uses the f slur and is definitely the most lonnie coded of all the parents. but you might be asking "what about graham's mom. joyce would never go along with that" WELL GUESS WHAT GRAHAM'S MOM ISN'T IN THE MOVIE ONLY HER STEP-MOM. so in this universe something happened idk joyce lost custody or . died or something. (don't get mad at me she can't be megan's parents either they also suck. better to have her out of the picture altogether). ok back to megan's parents. so in the movie her dad cares way more about her than her mom does, her mom is just kinda there. so. switch it flip it and reverse it and that's ted and karen. ted is the disinterested father who only offers occasional unhelpful outbursts (i mean come on sitting there silently during the gay intervention then interrupting the dad's gentle speech by yelling "honey we think you're a lesbian" is so ted coded.) while Karen is more playing the role of megan's dad, who is supportive and doting and very "you can tell us anything" Except again, when it comes down to it, they abandon their child. (personally i don't think canon karen would kick mike out for being gay i do think she would Not be thrilled about it initially, but ofc any au needs allowances to be made)

ok that is all for now.

[mikelogan]

Is it bad that like—if she doubles down on all this and tries to justify it I’ll quit listening to her music; of course I will.

But I don’t want to have to do that. I’ve been listening to her since elementary school, and up until this point she’s been the only artist I grew up with who hadn’t done/condoned anything horrible. (I’m still shocked by what Demi confessed to a few years back and the way that was played off.)

I want Taylor to dump him and address this because it’d be the right thing to do. But it’s also because I just want one artist I liked growing up to not be terrible.

to put it plainly, this fucking sucks. i don't want to stop listening to her music either. i relate to a lot of it and i also grew up listening to her. i think im especially disappointed by all this bc of her seeming so dedicated to speaking out against injustice and it makes all of her "activism" seem performative. ive seen a lot of different posts floating around since this has all come to light, but the one that resonates with me the most is that she can't not know about all the shit he's said and done. she's obviously active online -- she knows about people thinking she hates evermore and the whole "mother is mothering" stuff, etc -- and while i think it's plausible that she's sent some of these things by members of her team, i find it so hard to believe that she's just totally unaware of all m*tty's bullshit. i literally never listened to the 1975 until i just saw them on snl maybe a few weeks ago and i liked a couple of the songs, but i remember hearing things over the years (I used to be suuuuper active in bandom #rip) about him just. not being a good person. i don't think i knew specifics, but it's why all of this coming out about him doesn't particularly surprise me, though it does disgust/horrify me. like i get her needing a rebound bc like. after 6 years with someone, that has to hurt?? and we have literally no idea what even happened between her and joe bc they were so private to begin with. so i understand that she's hurting and probably not in the best mental place, and while she's entitled to do what (and who) she wants, that doesn't mean im gonna just. sit by and not say anything about it? and this is so incredibly unlike 2016 when people were cancelling her left and right just bc theyd been foaming at the mouth for excuses to do so. im not even advocating to cancel her (still holding out hope that she addresses this somehow), but i am in favor of holding her accountable. i also understand the whole "separate the art from the artist" thing to an extent. who immediately comes to mind on that topic though is jk r*wling, who turned out to be essentially rhe biggest disappointment of my life. her views and beliefs have stained what she created, to the point where i don't even want to associate myself with hp despite having grown up with it and having it be a big part of my life. Im not to that point with Taylor's music (though I will say this has made me a lot less excited for my show next month), but I COMPLETELY understand what you're saying. Like why is it so much to ask for artists/celebrities in general to not be terrible people? Like even if she's not the one saying the things he's said, she's still with him and has said nothing about any of his statements. As a white person, I know that I'll never fully understand what it's like to be part of a victim of racism and that I cannot speak to what that's like. I have privilege in that regard. I have the ability to shrug my shoulders and say "That's not my problem" and move on. But I don't want to. I want to hold taylor accountable for all she's said and done to make us think she loves and supports her fans. But this has to feel so alienating for members of the groups m*tty's said shit about. We love Taylor and a lot of us look up to her and we want her to be happy. But this ain't it, not by a longshot.

[gayseyjones]

Top 5 vocaloids by character and then top 5 by voice

kissing you on the mouth for this ask

character

5. meiko I'm obsessed w "awful drunk aunt who tries her best but she's just a walking disaster of a woman" like that pic someone drew of her comforting rin by wiping tears out of her eyes but accidentally burning her face bc she was cutting spicy peppers. also this gif

4. kaito. that's my sopping wet cat. I think he's the most pathetic excuse of a man youve ever met but like meiko he also tries his best he's mikus well meaning older brother hes the victim of 90% of the kagamine's pranks he screams like a girl etc and I want him carnally.

3. VFLOWERRRRRRR they're a nby lesbian so deeply in my heart I know this for a fact they're autistic they kind of suck at singing but it's okay I love them. I can't stand the meme squad interpretation of their character (I can't stand meme squad in general get that devil shit out of my face) I don't think they're unnecessarily rude or hate everyone or anything like that I think they can be a little mean but it's usually moreso just being 1. blunt 2. sick of everyone's shit (usually kaito) they love their friends very much even if they can't show it the best and they're dating yukari godbless ♥️

2. I hc miku una & yukari as siblings and specifically for una I think she's like. awful. bc she's the youngest and 9 years old she's a total bastard to miku however it's mostly bc she really does look up to her and aspires to be like her but also she steals mikus hair dye for herself and makes a mess of her makeup and uses her speakers to blast her awful pop music and regularly tackles miku just completely full body slams her

1. the queen herself miku oh my god. she's literally that post like "I'm god's favorite princess I'm the virgin mary I'll never die" I think she's actually insane. her middle child complex was so strong she ended up becoming the number one idol in the whole world and I'm proud of her ♥️ despite this she is still very insecure and unsure of herself and regularly clings onto rin sobbing "MY 9 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN SING BETTER THAN ME" (see: cillia's una cover of shake it) she's also so disabled. good lird

okay vocals wise

5. len :) he's on the easier side to tune and I really love his voice, it has decent range though he definitely works best in lower tones and his appends are all very nice. he's my best friend and when it comes to specific producers dasu tunes him incredibly

4. vflower BUT. Only in vocametal. they have such a strong powerful kind of messy voice and yet it's used for like. trashy pop and lighthearted songs like utsup is the only one that understands their voice. especially metal screaming GOD DAMNNNNN IT SOUNDS SO GOOD ON THEM

3. miss miku herself once again her voice is very very dynamic and though she's on the harder side to tune, once you get the hang of it it sounds incredible. her range is great like the difference between like. toa's tuning and rishiep's tuning for example is incredible. no one does it like my girl

2. GUMIIIII GOOD LIRD giga & kira especially tune her so fucking well it helps that she has an insane amount of voice banks and appends but genuinely her voice has so much weight to it and it can literally be used for ANYTHING without drawbacks it's incredible. I haven't used her myself but I've heard she's easy to tune so that's a bonus

1. una. holy shit. she only has 2 voicebanks (not including voiceroid) but jesus FUCKING christ her voice is insane. AND SHES SURPRISINGLY EASY TO TUNE?? genuinely if anyone is ever considering using vocaloid I can't recommend una enough she's so easy to tune if you're a beginner and her range is INCREDIBLE. where would we be without her

[moonlightperseus]

It's completely fine dw about it. I haven't been a person so I took a while too I completely understand.

I find something I like and I stick to it lmao

I also have a friend going down the nursing path and she encourages me fully and is so excited and I love her and also she constantly tells me how every single nurse that knew she was going into nursing told her not to. So. Hopefully that works for you, the change could certainly be good. And it's good you have a backup if you need it. And you can ramble about your personal life I don't mind dw.

That's fine I get that!! Personally I would never read green lantern comics because ew green lantern but that's obviously a personal opinion. I get that. And that's fair!! I haven't read anything really with Donna Troy either aside from some parts in a Wonderwoman comic I never finished.

Hand sanitizer and I aren't as close as we could be due to the Multiple times I've sanitised my hands so I didn't have to fully wash them (I knew I only needed to wash them for mentally ill reasons) and then I proceed to actually just make dust appear all over my hands

I think something really sad happens (I promise that's not a spoiler I genuinely have no clue if it's even those books or even what it is) and that intrigues me because I love pain. But the used book is a large hurdle. I'm glad you're enjoying it!! I've only ever heard good things. And yes! I have seen, multiple times, unfortunately that's ✨American only✨ but thank you

Admittedly I haven't read anymore but that's the whole not a person thing it's not a comment on the comics. And that's fair!! I'm very excited for Kate!!

No that's fair I agree I power through so many comics just for Dinah

It should be grape juice honestly I think that would be more fun

Understandable. They need to love each other all the time constantly no matter what.

I wouldn't spoil it anyway but I can't remember. It's cool that you're having new bonus ideas it's always interesting to see what people think!!

Recently at my work we got a full renovation so we had construction workers in and there was this one guy I called Music Man Jake and he had Tons of batman tattoos (it might've just been 2 I don't remember) but I said "so you like batman?" And he said "yeah, y'know why? Because he can beat superman which means he's the best" and I was like no I don't think that's what that means I think they can both be beaten and said "yeah by who?" And I told him that I'm pretty sure there's like canon instances where Wonderwoman beat both of them and he told me that that was fake and I was lying.

It IS a strange one yeah that's for sure

well i have unfortunately since received incredibly different and more drastic work change news but i have new plans i place to some extent, but ultimately my goal to make it through the holidays (very busy time for my job) has remained. and 2024 will be. very different for me but i’ll get there when i get there. honestly it’s not entirely a bad thing for me personally but it does objectively suck. but putting off thinking about the full extent of all that bc like i said. gotta get thru december. but yeah that’s a little life update for ya.

you’re valid! honestly i probably wouldn’t read green lantern comics if i didn’t have friends who love them just bc they never really. called to me before? but one thing i love is trying media beloved to my friends. and with comics especially it’s been a lot of reading things that are recommended to me because there’s way too much for me to choose on my own.

like i said i met donna in the titans tv series (another questionable comic adaptation that i unfortunately am so attached to 😔) however figuring out what to read for her does feel incredibly confusing bc she’s not like. a big dc player ig? idk we’ll see what i end up doing i have one donna troy special run open on a tab on my phone to try.

SO valid re:hand sanitizer. it’s def more of a temp fix for me when i don’t have access to properly wash my hands until i can actually wash them. which yeah maybe not the best but like. it’s manageable for me which is all that really matters.

i have finished the first raven cycle book and kinda started the second and something really sad happening definitely would fit the vibe so far, i wouldn’t say anything incredibly sad has really happened yet but there’s def the looming constant of something that’s supposed to happen at some point bc of psychic visions and all that. i started on the second book but haven’t really had a chance to read much of it however i’m heading back to my parents tomorrow so i’m gonna listen to more on the drive. i think my only complaint of the series is there’s so much concentrated Teenage Boy (and Teenage Rich Boy too) and it can be a little annoying at times bc like. the two rich boys. they have money. go to therapy. consider alternatives. think things through a little more. but even they are growing on me (one more slow than the other but it’s happening) but really it’s been fun to read so far!

:/// aw it being american only sucks i’m sorry.

again you are so valid (i say that a lot i know ahsjjdsj) re: not being a person & also not having read any more bombshells. life can be a whole lot and boy can it be hard living in it sometimes so i completely understand. and the good thing is bombshells isn’t going anywhere so there’s no rush!

okay ive now finished injustice year 5 & ground zero! i didnt make any notes this time bc i kinda was just powering thru year 5 and then i binged all of ground zero in one sitting. ground zero i just read the other night and was more enjoyable being told through harley's pov however god putting up with joker was very hard im glad harley finally was able to tell him no and also beat the shit out of him. her harley horde was so cute and i loved that for her. also seeing the alternate universe justice league (or as i called them, the REAL justice league) seeing MY diana again <333 and CLARK !! god i missed that ah shucks goofball. and i really loved the ending of harley and ivy going off to the alternate earth to help that version of harley overcome her attachment to the joker <3333 ALSO HARLEY IVY ARE ROMANTIC!!! LOVED THAT!!

in my head i’m picturing that music man jake’s birth name is like. robert or something but music man jake had a better ring so that’s what he is referred to by.

i can’t remember what it’s from (i think it might be the justice league animated show??) but there’s definitely somewhere a bit where bruce is talking about his contingency plans if any of the core JL went rogue and he had these boxes full of said contingencies but he literally like made a point of showing that diana’s box is empty because she has no weakness. and that’s remained permanently burned into my brain ever since. i absolutely believe she is stronger than superman. in some/most(?) continuities she’s literally a demigoddess. clark’s just lucky bc earth’s sun is built different 😭. but yeah she did in fact very much kick clark’s ass in injustice and was only beaten in the fight bc sinestro attacked her from behind once she already had superman on his knees. so yeah. she can definitely beat superman. that’s my no 1 takeaway from injustice year four. (and then REAL diana being able to kick injustice diana’s ass tells me that real diana CAN ALSO kick superman’s ass should the need come) but yeah. i do really love wonder woman akshakbddjs

i have to say i’m a little hesitant to start injustice 2 just bc i *liked* how year five ended and i don’t want it to be undone BUT i wanna see HER (dinah) so i will read it. i’m just debating trying year zero first, any thoughts on if i should wait to do year zero until after injustice 2 or am i fine to read it now?

hope you’re doing at least somewhat well all things considered!!

[cherryobx]

list b, if you’re comfortable answering them x also these are a lot so take all the time you need! I just want to know we much we I can about you hihi 💜

1. What do you crave in a psychological sense? Intimacy, passion, purpose, belonging, social interaction, etc.?

2. What kind of emotions do the stars evoke for you, if any? The ocean, the sky, the moon?

3. Are you pretending to be something you're not?

7. Would you cannibalise a dead body in a life-or-death scenario? Does your answer change depending on whether they're a loved one or not?

8. In reverse, would you give permission for someone to eat you if they would die otherwise?

9. Do you know a lot about politics? Do you think it's important to be educated on them?

12. What's your most controversial opinion? Would you state it publicly? What's the most controversial opinion that you would publicly support, if it's different?

13. Do you have trust issues?

15. Is there a song, book, movie, or other piece of media that has drastically altered your life? What was it, are there multiple?

19. In general, is there any historical event you desperately want to witness?

20. Do you think about your past or future more?

22. Do you want children? Why or why not?

24. Does your name suit you? Do you think you "look" like your name?

25. A classic - would you rather know the date of your death or the way you die? Would you rather know when you die or when your closest loved one dies?

26. Is marriage an important institution for you? Do you want to get married? Why or why not?

28. What has influenced your taste in music?

29. How do you want your body to be treated after your death?

44. What's your pettiest "dealbreaker" in a relationship or friendship?

50. What qualities do you find charming?

56. What (or who) do you daydream about? *wink wink* sjk

62. What topic(s) have you drastically changed your opinion on?

64. Do you feel like you know yourself very well?

66. If you are queer, did you struggle to accept your sexuality? Would you change it if you could?

67. What did you need to hear as a child?

68. What's the best advice you've ever been given?

72. Who did you last say "I love you" to? Who last said it to you?

74. Do you believe in karma? Do you think someone can "deserve" bad things?

75. What is your favourite fairytale?

80. What scars do you have, if any?

81. What's the worst crime you think you're capable of committing?

84. What do you think is waiting for you after death, if anything? Does the idea of dying upset you? Why? Can you imagine nothingness?

94. Who is the first person you tell good news to? Is is the same for bad news?

1. there's a lack of each and every one of these but rn i really need a hug and i have no one to turn to so that sucks, so i really just need close friends or smth idk

2. stars remind me of my childhood mostly bc i live in the countryside and the stars shine very brightly here and i used to look at the stars and search for different constellations, i also had those glow in the dark stars in my childhood bedroom and i just recently put some above my bed so that's very nostalgic for me. the ocean scares me tbh but at the same time every body of water does.

3. so sad to admit but every day, i feel the need to fit in with my current friends bc they don't like the same stuff as i do but i also don't want to be alone so i can't just ditch them, there are very few people who understand me and like me for who i really am and it's so freaking hard to find the right people to be with

7. probably yes but id have to be at the brink of starvation/passing out, it would take me a very long time to even consider doing it. i would not eat a loved one tho, id rather die

8. yes, if it means they survive

9. no and yes

12. i don't think i really have any or at least i can't come up with any rn haha

13. yes.

15. probably the pjo movies tbh, when i saw them for the first time i was obsessed, i obsessively watched both of them every day for like 2 weeks straight, and i still love them (that could be my controversial opinion haha), i like to think that they started my fangirl era

19. not a specific event but attending an 18th century ball would be cool

20. rn, past

22. yes bc they're cute and bc i want to grow them into actually decent people

24. hmm maybe, sometimes when i introduce myself i get insecure that i don't match my name or smth and then they think of me weird

25. if i had to pick one then probably how and when a loved one dies

26. i want to get married but if it doesn't happen then im not sad either

28. my dad has influenced it the most i think

29. cremated and then buried next to my loved ones/cremated and turned into a little diamond(s) for my loved one(s)

44. when they vape (it's fine occasionally but if they have to do it every second of the day then absolutely not)

50. when they actually like me

56. mostly about fictional characters, sometimes you ;)

62. i used to be a bit homophobic but now im bi so... but i think it was bc of my family's views and being told from a young age that it's wrong, sometimes i still struggle with internalised homophobia

64. nope, i know nothing about myself

66. i used to but it wasn't really hard for me to accept bc i realized very slowly over the years and one day i was just like fuck it and put a lable on it. but i wouldn't change it, i love being bi <3

67. i love you

68. nothing matters in the long run so do whatever you want, ur just a tiny little dot on this planet

72. you <3 (for both)

74. yes absolutely

75. hmm probably snow white

80. fun fact all my scars are on my face, i have one on my chin (from when i fell on concrete), eyebrow (most of the time u can't even see it,unknown reason) and cheek (this one looks really cool, it's a perfect circle and i got it when i had chicken pox as a kid)

81. maybe hitting someone ?!?! idk honestly

84. i like to belive that people are reborn as new people bc i can't imagine just nothingness and not being able to do and think anything ever again, and yes it upsets me

94. probably my family or you

[berrymeter]

ppl who don't like fob will always make it about how patrick sings gibberish... like we know... we've heard him

[misterbitches]

i had the misfortune of finally watching/getting through what happened in whatever episode where he gets raped so im gonna talk about it and tag it cos that's what a bitch fuckin feels like, got it? i do what i want aint no limit bad ass bitch aint never been timid. woopsie realized i got the nicknames confused oh well lmao

it's just logistically and plot wise like there's literal plot holes in this and i'm taking the production and set-up into account along with the actual content and development. im an ARTIST OKAY im jk i mean i am and i am pretentious and terrible but look. i didnt get that degree and im not in a house worth of debt for nothing ok. it's called writing on tumblr about my grievances of shows that dont matter and do not respect me as a fat black american woman either so it is my fault yet here i am.

anyway it was worse than i imagined and their talk after (with chengren) was even worse. that's what i mean about making the lines their own (the actors) bc teng teng sounded like a straight up motherfucking moron and im like

bECAUSE IT'S HIM EVEN THO IM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DID U JUST SAY U STUPID BITCH? but then it's like awwww and they also care about his wellbeing obviously??? but no? but it's like ok still teng teng said it even if it's stupid because he is a character and charles puts that forth. the people that fail the most to do that are xing si's family but that's not the actors fault because it's the literal material. you're like wait what but you just said...?

so i know they have no script editors i guess i think i find this season ACTUALLY fascinating because of just how egregious it is. i also went back and watched history: obsessed which i thought i liked because of their chemistry even though god the production....but i tried rewatching it and i was like wow this is worse than i remembered and the production issues were even worse because some of the music was SO LOUD AND BAD HOLY FUCK and their whole rship isssssss a sight to behold lmao

so man i guess it really is the power of anson/charles. which is good cos we love to see it...sort of but also a lot.

i honestly....because i've been able to pay attn more to the aftermath of the rape going back and putting it into more context and focusing (just barely lmao) is hm even worse. the inconsistencies are insane. it's not even just about the act but the writers have zero idea where they are going because they have no interest in exploring it. but the way in which it happens is like fascinating. yong jie literally thinks he owns xing si and it doesn't matter if he was kissing him or not or asked for a kiss on the lips (which dude what the fuck? i'll get to that) because he was plied with "extremely strong drinks" and his mom knew about it....which girl congrats you're an accomplice to the rape of your son by your other son?

but first of all...the kissing thing. in what fucking world would he (xing si) want that unless he thought he (yong jie) was someone else. i can't say their attraction is evident because we are being lead by this team to think so; they create this false sense of sensuality already so to me that signifies that they never intended for them to have a bond as brothers. it just feels cheap and fucking lazy (which it is.) even if he did, which doesn't make sense considering the context THEY CONSTRUCTED, it wouldn't matter because he was so fucking drunk which.... at that point nothing is fun, you feel sick, who wants sex like that? does he not have whiskey dick? did they have a condom? was it not painful for him considering? even if this was something to easily get over like was the dick good? it couldn't have been. and then, on top of that, there's the fact that you can change your mind or whatever but also that people do get aroused in these situations bc it is human nature (that's if they can literally get aroused which if the drinks were allegedly sooooo strong that nigga would be out so....again like even practically here it doesnt add up. have these people ever been drunk? if not, write what you know girl. cos sometimes it's like i think some of u r trying to be cool when u dont have 2 b lmao)

so yong jie coming on to him previously may be seen as like push-and-pull but here's the thing. right after it happens (the rape and it's rape so call it that you'll be okay) xing si gets up and goes home and is terrified and upset. he acts like what we have seen or even felt after a violation. he's scared, clutching his bag, it's like...you know...decently coming off as truly distressing (the actor isn't bad at all and i like that he's dark. i just massively hate this for him but hey at least he can show some chops.) like honestly man that fucking sucks and hurts to see. if we've been there we feel it. or part of it is realizing belatedly what happened. a lot of times that drop in your stomach is the worst.

but somehow for some reason, to which i cannot understand, the three of them begin to talk as if xing si pressured him? which maybe i missed something and that is possible—dont feel like going back to look—but that also made no sense. like what kind of false memory is this? why would he think he wasn't willing? and if he thought yong jie wasn't and that he pressured him how does he remember like...anything about the sex?!?!??!? besides waking up and being with him. like i guess he felt yong jie's MASSIVE DONG imprint but ??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!!!

god then the logic of the top/bottom thing is like i said i wasnt going to get into it but it's actually really funny. this whole thing was hilarious. honestly because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS. he could have totally raped him in that way but how did you get to this CONCLUSION FROM THAT??????? BY YOUR LOGIC THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS? IF HE IS THE BOTTOM AND PENETRATION IS THE ONLY FORM OF TRUE CONSUMMATION AND RAPE BECAUSE APPARENTLY, BASED ON ANATOMY, IF YOU HAVE A DICK IN UR BUTT UR A GIRL THEN HOW. DOES. THIS. MAKE. SENSE. AND THEN

AND THEN

AND THEN

AND THEN

this whole stupid conversation happens so we get to the conclusion that xing si violated him ok cool but that means that something is wrong. that is the CONCLUSION WE CAME TO A SECOND AGO?

also the other rapist is a villain and muren isn't in love with him so, once again, you're breaking the rules of your own world about acceptability which is why most of this is absolutely mind bogggglinG that iit's fuckign comical. like i actually when i can stomach it start laughing or my jaw is slack because it's so insulting as a viewer because there is like 0 logical followthrough.

because whatshisface barges in, kisses him in front of his friends without permission, then says whether you were willing or not which is hm. at that point how u gonna change that around but let's not bother with logic here. i am simply here to point out how this makes no sense according to the rules they set up even outside of the basic rule of life which is hm dont rape people maybe.

so now we know xing si was raped, they believe he was raped, he himself believes he was raped, and whatshisface literally says he doesn't care even if he was willing (he wasn't) so he admits to rape. i don't believe in the police and i hate them (BL industry needs the cops but dont get me down that road) but no one...thought to go?

because according to history 4 logic nothing matters so im sure if he went to the police you could handwave the homophobia since there's no actual context for anything besides their whimsy. but they dont want to do that because they aren't interested in an arc of growth; redemption isn't possible unless he is removed from the family but again no work on thinking this through or thinking about the victim's feelings. because gay sex? who fucking knows. supposedly progressive taiwanese writers of gay shit (like how supposedly progressive the world is. as in it is not and this behavior is the norm and bl perpetuates that) can't think of transformative justice?

and then they gave bad advice so we wont acknowledge that because teng teng doing anything wrong/stupid is frequent but hurts me and also that storyline is not real so i pretend they are not there outside of this post

so all of this is just straihgt up clownery now because it's fucking absurd like logically, practically, human-wise. the kissing thing is inconsequential but it was such a lazy cheap way out lmao cos they really wanted it to seem consensual but that's not how it works. on top of that their attraction makes no sense because whatshisface is just there. he is just there. he's nothing and no one so the sentiments are even more empty and on top of that he doesnt listen to a single request fucking obviously because the basis of their relationship is fucking rape so fucking listening and respecting his partner is not on his list of fucking priorities. he's literally so fucking annoying even without being a rapist it's like someone please beat his ass.

and then after all of that you want us to feel bad? with your horrible writing, poorly misplaced music, stupid costumes (those fucking SHOES THEY ARE HIDEOUS, AND MOST OF THIER CLOTHES DO NOT FIT IT'S LIKE WHY), questionable fucking editing. we're supposed to wnat them together? this sounds literally fucking crazy but bear with me lmao even with the rape they could at least have SOMETHING i mean like i cant believe im fucking saaying this. but like in addicted heroin which is fuckin tragic and awful at least there's a MODICUM of interest but honestly that show s a fucknig drag. idk they lookd good together? here we have 0. nothing. and it doesnt motivate. watching obsessed again i can see why i liked it in the beginning bc they have good chemistry but the acting and production adn like everything about it plus the rape-y vibes it's just too much. you need to pick one thing so if you're going to be a shit writer at least supplement it with something. this thing is nothing.

and even more nonsensical and what boggles my mind frankly out of all this is the mother's involvement and the father's final response. there are NO consequences? theyre all happy?

ok so lets go through this:

1. 2 boys grow up 2gether, one of the boys is fucking psycho, the mother knows but does nothing??????????????

2. one of the sons moves out so his father doesn't get a hint that's he's fucking gay. ok fine. he has 2 best friends, a job, an apt. he is fine.

3. aforementioned brother is obsessed with him for SOME REASON besides being crazy?

3.5 no one has done anything during him growing up to help him not be crazy?

4. mom says to husband who is their father also just in case we forget "im afraid he will lose his humanity"

4.5 again, do nothing. 0. just like oh man hes crazy. guess that's just our son ;)

4. who cares. plies him with alcohol purposefully to rape him. not even dubious (even though dubious is fucked and not okay or is just not. fucking real. these shows are contextless when they want to be or even movies or whatever so it's like largely not up to the task to understand complexity in human rships and then oversimplifies it constantly because that's what we do IRL. but people have fucking feelings you know and we realize when things don't feel good or right to us either very quickly after or having to process it. and once you're eyes are opened you may feel as something was fucking ripped away from you. for the modc couple this would be a very logical conclusion for the high schooler the thirty year old dated but again logic or feelings are up to their whimsy. no one cares bc everything can be counted as dubious so honestly it's a fucking stupid fucking topic like again why are we litigating what is and isnt consent when you could just like idk. read cues? consent? wait? not be a freak? like we all know what is proper human shit so even if we are watching this uncritically which u cant bc it's glaring and stupid it's just even more dumb) so it was honestly a rape plot like he literally planned it soooooooooo??!?!

5. aftermath of rape the victim is like literally fucking bereft and confused. and a rape victim. like that's what they are insinuating and what also he is to be clear.

6. boy tells him "idc if i raped u i luv u lmao"

7. mom ENCOURAGED THE BOY to get him drunk because her other son was too nice? she encouraged her adult son to rape her adult step-son (but her real son because she repeatedly says you are my son and the dad does too THEY GREW UP TOGETHER WHEN THE KID WAS IN AN IMPRESSIONABLE STATE) so THIS ALSO MAKES EVEN LESS MOTHERFUCKING SENSE

8. everyone finds out about his rape and he isnt mortified he's just concerned about himself being gay to his dad?????? except it's not really about his gayness bc now it's about his sudden love for his rapist brother? which? hm ok. understandable the dad is like wow i do not think i like this

9. dad knows all of it is fucked up, everyone does, knows the mother fucked up, knows he fucked up. doesnt like it because he is normal. so we know this is terrible? ok great so—

10. father says "i can't accept this...but i'm willing to give you my blessing" ok see here's the thing. when you write you have to think about the things you are putting on the page and what you have written previously. this quite literally made no sense how the fuck are you going to not accept them but give them your blessing? does this crew know what the fuck words are? i'm assuming they went to some sort of school to obtain jobs here bc there cannot be natural talent or experience. maybe most of them are rich. fuck i do not know but this also makes no sense. just the literal logic of it it's like fucking insane the whiplash.

10.5 apparently this father is also shitty. everyone here sucks and they are basically begging me to think xing si is a fucking idiot so i dont even want to look at him if he is an object he doesnt matter so now i want to kick him. thanks a lot you made the victim get absolutely fucking nothing

they KEEP PUSHING the brother thing it is so insane and it's liek GUYS WE GET IT WE UNDERSTAND THEYRE "RELATED" BUT NOT RELATED SO IT'S OK HE WAS "RAPED" BUT NOT RAPED but you're GOING BACK ON YOUR OWN RULES!!!!!!!!!! WE GET THAT THEY ARE BROTHERS!!! WE'RE OVER IT NOW BUT WHAT IS THIS WHEN WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED SOMETHING? I AM CONFUSION? they flip flop between my son, my brother my actual brother, and cannot fucking distinguish between love for your father and love for your romantic partner? so to me what i see is that the father wants to fuck the son. that's the conclusion i am garnering now considering nothing matters and his love for his "brother" is the same as his love for his dad lmao. they couldnt even do that in a way that made sense. like damn anybody can get anything. these ppl who are doing this have to be fucking rich and/or have connections.

also this guy sounds literally like a textbook abuser like he says constantly "im the best choice" is a rapist is awful holds capital (oh hees "saving" smh ur trapping her!!!!! RETIRE!!!!) also wears terrible shoes so i am like ur alllllllllLLLLL FUCKING CRAZY ur all literally crazy and then they are trying to set rules and boundaries in their fucking house like WHY ARE THEY LIVING TOGETHER EVEN? even tho oh my god they know he raped him and for some reason they are both allowing to live in the house but they dont want them to have sex??!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! i get that this is their house but this is like at this point these ppl are writing anything and now whatshisface is acting like a 2 yr old again and we are supposed to find this cute? like it makes 0 sense why do u fucking care u literally encouraged ur son to rape him so they cant have consensual sex under your nose now and have to wait four years? this is coming from the son who couldnt wait until someone was sober enough to realize hes fucking psychotic and should be killed also the fact that they act like being 20 means u have no fucking brain like this kid is in med school supposedly how do we know like hes a liar and an idiot so. also wait do they mean undergrad? how are you in med school at 20? is he a genius? girl i dont care lmao i guess i missed that but it's not like it matters so whatever

even if we ignore the stupidity of the literal acts, the grossness of the content, the absolute inability to write coherently or even remotely in a way where we would even want to see them together which is like....u set it up at the beginning so he punches "the love his life's best friend" also holy fuck im sorry remember when he punches muren because xing si got too drunk. so i'm guessing whatshisface is that good of a bartender that he makes super strong drinks and gets xing si drunk but his alcohol is magical therefore it doesn't make him sick. his alcohol is the type that gets you drunk but somehow doesnt get to your liver even though that's how we get drunk but dont ask guys he's only in med school and a bartender so i think he knows best (seriously have the main writers had a day of fun in their lives? have they ever been drunk? are they toddlers? drunk babies could probably do better tho.) i get that he was also jealous but if this kid is SOOOOOO genius (he understands social cues lmao he has the cpacity to project onto his victim so im like miss me with the not understanding shit. go to a fucking therapist like seriously did no one care abt this kid? his mother thinks he's like almost a goddamn murderer. how is she not dead? how are they all not dead? how do any of them know how to drive with this type of brain?) then he would understand that they are very clearly friends since he watched them part in a very platonic way and since he apparently knows what love is cos he thinks....he can....make someone fall in love with him bc he loves them? again, i wouldnt know hes 20 and taiwanese and im 29 and black from AMERICA so im WESTERN* so you know. different life experiences i guess XD

even if we do mental gymnastics to get it to a place where they "had sex" and he didnt rape him there's 0 ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ties to the literal story they wrote and the rules they set up. i'm going ot assume they dont know wtf theyre doing and i know for a fact we all care more about their dumb show than they do but it's actually startling how piss poor this is it's like idek what to compare it to. the continuity is awful awful awful they needed a script supervisor majorly and they are making bank and are going to make fucking bank fof this shit. and itll just continue like that until IRL material changes and that's facilitated by these very same groups they choose to profit off of and exploit by propelling it into the mainstream and litigating homosexuality through capitalism. and i'm being specific with homosexuality. i dont want a GL market like at all and i know why we wouldnt have it either and that has everything to do with the nature of BL, capitalism, coercion, and the fanbase being young girls and women. i don't think in this day and age we can safely say all the fans are straight; i'm sure a majority but many women or people on the gender spectrum and sexuality spectrum also consume it. frankly, it's possible the women who write it could be or something too. i dont rly believe any1 is str8 lmao but im just saying it's not out of the realm of possibility. but it isnt about that at all. that's why we wont see "good" female characters (like well written) often that's why we won't see trans women or kathoeys or fat people or black asians in it. a lot of it is is a choice we participate in whatever. but holy fuck dude u could at least respect the audience's fucking intelligence. i'm talking about everything i think that is encapsulated in the project but it's even more jarring and worse because it's so insanely inconsistent and poorly done. like how we jump from one conclusion to another is wild to me. even their first "night together" and he wakes up im like girl....u no ur ass felt it. this nigga broke into his house and was like "im gonna have u" like it's getting weird

just make xing si suffer offscreen not us the stupidity is staggering, mind blowing, hilarious.

how wong kar wai, a straight man from HK (or at least married to a woman), or barry jenkins, a striahgt black man, write/do stories well about people they wouldnt knw about their experiences directly is....well thinking like using their brains and like knowing all types of people? the man who co-wrote moonlight is a hOMOSEXUAL, leslie cheung was fucking gay or queer (and he committed suicide and that's important also RIP homie) both are hailed as queer cinema like WKW wanted to do something else and invested time into it, changed the way he played around with structure, moved away from his crime oriented stuff. he THOUGHT about it and this film is about their reality. it's a harsh film, idk how i feel about it (but my fav movies of his are the crime ones or the messy ones where it's clear he didnt write a script lmao fallen angels is one of my fav movies its' abt assassins kinda) but i know it means something. and he didnt like what HK had previously wasnt enough. it is not the only cinema that should be shown since it's such a stark reality and depressing but it is a real depiction so we can have all sorts of stuff. no this isnt WKW level or moonlight level but i know for a fact these people think they are doing something because artists always do i say this as one and someone who is equally as useless. you're making a statement.

i also hate the westerner component of peoples analyses. first of all dont do cultural relativism. we can critique and respect. but second of all how are we going to keep saying "dont put western ideals on this" when that is what is happening anyway because that's part and parcel for soft power and capitalism. how about taiwan's history with the KMT? what about the regimes young people fought about? aided by US imperialism which permeates through society and affects material conditions, views, democracy, identity and that goes into culture and media. hm? what about that? is that reality too fucking western for people? that we are doing the same thing again now? is that okay to talk about or is that only on your time?

then there's the argument that this is just entertainment. yea no shit but the thing is if we r gonna talk about marginalized groups and watch bc of marginalized groups and then be expected to identify then i dont see why i cant put this in context. even if it wasnt fucking serious we'd still judge it. but it's so pompous and again like i wouldnt say EYE think it's art but it is "art" in the literal sense and no self respecting artist would ever go "man this means nothing." of course im not sure if they do respect themselves so hey but u cant just go oh man it's entertainment when it literally rests on the fact that HOMOS are MARGINALIZED. it literally rests on the fact that WOMEN ARE OBJECTS. you either want progress or you dont. i dont understand being so demanding but not beign specific in the demands and not trying to use your brain. if you dont want to use your brain don't. but if you are looking , engaging, and keep making these arguments or telling ppl it doesnt matter whilst complaining about how much others care is hypocritical at best, willfully obtuse at worst. both bad. :)

(also all this + another thing; it is insulting to have this like wedding happen based off of this stupid relationship when people fought so hard and had to push it. now they can use the material conditions to their advantage but it's so ridiculous. also because there is difficulty still in getting married in taiwan i'm honestly like....the boldness of the writers...)

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Hey, I'm doing good too. Just normal amounts of stressful stuff right now. Just moved to a country I've never been to before but can't complain, things are not as hard as the last time I did this so. Thanks for asking! Yeah, I saw you posting about some pretty scary health issues before, I'm glad you came out of that alive and hope you're healthier now!

The nerve some people have! Haha I know I would be pissed if people were questioning my intelligence like that especially after a couple of drinks in haha. Though I do like taunting people when I play group games, I'll be like "don't need to try that hard guys, you're gonna lose anyway" just to mess with them or just call people sore losers if they accuse me of cheating haha (they're probably right on the accusations tho). People get real mad sometimes it's kinda funny. 😂

Omg literally laughed out loud reading this! Hahaha, how did you manage to fall over a road sign then end up in a ditch? lol omg hope you didn't get hurt too bad 😂 I was trying to downplay my drunken escapades but since you shared yours I should tell you my worst one:

I was at this summer street party at night and got drunk on something made out of tropical herbs and cachaça (which is about 48% alcohol), drank 3 and a half bottles of that like it was apple juice, made friends with a bunch of strangers in a bathroom queue (who tried to talk to me weeks later but I had no idea who they were), had to be held by my best friend while I peed (mostly missing the toilet), fell in the middle of the street and scraped my knee, threatened this boy who was helping me walk and told him not to try anything funny or I would beat him up, then dragged my friends to the beach and left them shortly after to go make out with my ex, came back with lipstick all over my mouth and chin and when my friends asked what I was doing I said I was just talking to my ex and they were like NO YOU WERE NOT, hahaha then I kissed all my girl friends on a dare and we danced under the full moon, then I told my best friend I had to puke so she took me to the ocean but I changed my mind and happened to step on a dead turtle on the way back and started crying bc of it, but last month my best friend told me it was a rock I had stepped on (I believed it was a dead turtle for 7 years!). Had the worst hangover of my life the next day. ✌️✨

Ah I'm happy you liked it! I've never listened to Six musical before but it sounds fun! I can see why you like it haha made me want to dance around my apartment 💃. And hey if liking musicals is your thing then it's great, I'm sure Hozier will understand if he's not your top artist of the year. 😋 Here's my "damie" Pinterest board if you or anyone else wants to check it out, totally recommend making one if you're a visual person like me!

https://pin.it/UcHVlkq

Oh I could talk about Dani and Jamie forever I think. I love the beast in the jungle speech too and it's so painful to watch, VP delivered that beautifully, but I have to admit I'm always a crying mess from episode 1 when older Jamie starts reciting that song about being sad while waiting for her lover to return, this show is fucking cruel I hate it and love it at the same time hahaha. Omg your mom 😂 but I mean it's truly an honor to be compared to someone like Dani, no? She's really great even if she needs a little help haha (don't we all).

Aaah you're amazing! Thank you so much, I'll read this pirate AU soon!

I used to draw a lot, really loved doing it when I was a kid as I said before, and all throughout adulthood too but I haven't done that in almost a year now bc I've got a bit of a case of burnout I guess, it just takes a lot of effort to do it when it shouldn't be like that at all. I used to do fanart too, for other fandoms. Even made one for Dani x Jamie but ended up not liking how it turned out haha. I've got a lot of respect for writers and fanfic writers also! Yall can make words make sense in really interesting and beautiful ways, build worlds so enthralling I can see them vividly in my head. Writing is such an incredibly fascinating skill to have! And I guess the most important thing is that we enjoy doing these things right? Even if we think we're not particularly good at it.

Anyway, have a lovely weekend! 👋✨

Good I'm glad you're doing great but sorry you're dealing with stressful stuff!! Hope living in a new country goes well for you I'm so jealous that you've lived in different countries I'd love to live somewhere else even if just for s few years!! Awwh thank you so much I definitely came out of it alive and am feeling so much better now thank you I mean I do some pretty ditzy things so when people say it to me it's pretty deserved sometimes, I'm secretly smart and people just don't expect it so I never mind too much haha I might have to start saying the things that you do and just taunting them over it I mean, I usually do win even when they make me answer different questions so I will definitely have to start saying things like that to them Haha I love that you're just like "yeah they're probably right in their accusations" I agree seeing how mad some people get over games and stuff is funny (it's me I'm people I hate loosing games depending on what it is and I am very competitive) So it was very dark and all we had for light was my roommates flashlight on her phone but while we were walking home a friend of ours that lived else where kept texting her to make sure we were still safe (my phone as dead at this point) so while she was texting him her flashlight was facing down and someone had moved this road sign to the footpath and it was on that sits on the floor so while I couldn't see it I walked into it and fell over it but while I feel I grabbed hold of it and flipped with it and fell in a ditch with it on top of me... I was fine and was just laid laughing while my friend looked down at me and in the most northern accent ever just said "get up you dickhead." and helped me off of the floor and then asked if I was okay... and I was so it was all good!! Haha 😂 I love this drunken story that sounds like one hell of a night and is a roller coaster from start to finish!! I'm sorry you thought you had stood on a dead turtle for 7 years though, someone really should've told you that it was just a rock!! But that sounds like my kind of night!! I love nights like that... stories that will last a life time... the only down side is the hangover... luckily I have only ever had one hang over in my life and it wasn't the morning after the road sign fiasco... I felt surprisingly good the morning after that haha 😂 It's such a good musical it's about Henry VIII wives and I just love everything to do with his wives and that musical is so much fun and actually gives a little insight to the lives the six Tudor queens had away from Henry and with him because at school we're mainly just taught about him which sucks!! I loved the Hozier song and am definitely gonna have to listen to more of his stuff!! I love musicals so much I mainly listen to musical soundtracks at the minute- usually, Legally Blonde and Six on repeat haha 😂 Ooo thank you I will definitely check out this Pinterest board thanks for sending it to me!! I could talk about them forever too... since watching Bly Manor my niece has been asking me so many questions about it and I am more than happy to talk to her about it haha!! The beast in the jungle speech just breaks my heart every time I relate to it so much and VP just delivers it so beautifully!! Oh yeah now I know at the beginning that it's older Jamie I am just a wreck the whole show is just so beautiful and heart breaking at the same time I LOVE IT!! Even though it makes me sob- I keep putting myself through it!! I mean, yeah I was happy that she said it Dani is great but it was the way she said it... my mum can be something else sometimes... she said she thought Dani was like me the first time she does the accent when she says "I've fallen quite in love with London" because I just randomly do accents a lot too but it was the way she was like "She needs help... but I like her she reminds me of you" I was just like... "Should I go get help?" I still don't know the answer to my question about if I need help or not but I mean I probably do need it You're welcome I really hope you like it!! It's a

great fic I love it!! Yeah I get that if stuff starts taking too much effort and burns you out you're not gonna wanna keep doing it so it's understandable that you stopped!! I think fan art is great and I really would love to be able to do it myself but I just don't have the skill it takes!! Awwh it's a shame you didn't like the Dani x Jamie one you did I would've loved to have seen it!! Honestly there are so many talented writers out there and when I read their fics I am just in awe of the worlds they have built and the stories they have created we are so blessed in this fandom to have so many amazing writers and so many amazing fics out there Oh yeah definitely its important to enjoy what you do!! I know I love writing and love writing fics for Dani and Jamie so I think I'll be doing it for a while even if I'm not great at it haha Awwh thank you very much I hope you have a great weekend too!! ☺️

[taetaespeaches]

(1) WELL, I haven't watch the press conference just saw a little because i was waiting for subtitles but i was just you know.. drooling staring at them, and when kookie was on -my mom loves him- but she says "oh my god this boy, look at him! such a mischievous face, look!!! he's the only one wearing gray when they're all in black!", she always says he looks like he just done some mischief and i can't say that is not true, he does have a naughty face.

(2) And taehyung is her ACTUAL BOY, like everytime he breathes she's like "MYYY CHIILDDDD, SO BEAUTIFULLLLL!!!!!" so yeah, that's a thing, again -can't blame the woman. Me on the other hand I cannot believe how much i love them, how proud(???) i feel, idk. what kind of superheroes are they? i mean it- seriously, just this year i met them, I've been getting to know them by their videos; BY THEIR MUSIC, and this year was awful,

(3) i honestly don't know what would have happened with me if it weren't for those guys, they make me feel like I'm ok, does that makes sense? Shit happens, stuff happens, some days everything sucks and i'm annoyed 90%, but just looking at a picture I smile, a 4 second video of them doing something dumb and I'm at peace, listen one song and I'm dancing even if i have a headache or whatever I can take a moment and it helps a whole lot, you know?

(4) This new album is a hug, I can feel it, did I listened to it while I was laying in my couch with a stupid smile on my face? yeS, I did that, and I'll do it again tonight, and maybe tomorrow too so... once upon a time on a boring sunday i was clicking youtube and i said "let's watch these bts dudes" and there was no turning back, I'm happy like this

(5) I love you liv, your writting was something that also helped me through some rough times, still does. I want for you to take care of yourself, i need you happy and healthy and thriving, doing dance videos and doing anything you want. ♥

(6) ok, this is a lot, tumblr may trick me, I'll save it for now in case some number gets lost ♥

Oh gosh :( all of this made me so so happy!! My mom is super whipped for Kookie and Hobi so I feel you on the comments from your mom hahaha. Every time they’re on screen she goes “There’s one of my boys!!” and when they’re both on screen, oh lord lmao. I love that your mom is calling Kookie out for being mischievous bc mood lol. And ugh Taehyung. The way I would marry that man today, right this second. Please Tae :( 

Honestly, idk how bts does what they do but they make me so fucking happy, I completely understand what you’re saying. At the end of a shitty day, you know you can always just go watch/listen to some bangtan and feel better. They’re amazing. SORCERY!!! Lol. I’m so so glad you fell down the rabbit hole that is bts just like the rest of us. I remember looking at the dna mv and being like “well... fuck... this is my life now” hahaha 

This album really is a hug and I hope they all feel our massive amounts of love and gratitude for them and this album. 

I love you too, Lyd!! I’m so glad you found my blog somehow, I absolutely adore having you here!!! And you take care of yourself too, please! I want you happy and healthy and thriving as well <3 thank you for sending this, I love hearing your thoughts and just generally losing your shit in my asks hahaha it makes me happy :)) 

[angelblumes]

God for real, I have no idea what to say to anything to anybody talking abt my mental health like honestly I do try to be the most honest with my therapist because I dont really talk to any1 else irl abt it but you think I know words for how I feel? no. I do feel like a goldfish. I forget everything I've ever felt when I walk into the building. Thanx 4 the good luck tho 😊❤ I also had a little moment rsd when I asked my dad something and he didn't take it seriously so I did cry, salads are really the worst thing to accidentally forget abt/ something bad happen to it😢 😐 😑 I dont even care if you talk abt hannibal, its fine! I understand! I feel like I complain abt bugs almost everytime, but 😑 I got paranoid because a flying big ass beetle was on the ceiling of my porch? And i was 👀 so I wasn't paying attention when another 1 got all up in my face. I stg it made me mad cuz wth why are bugs like that? I had some watermelon w/ brown sugar and white sugar 😌 also some taco bell 4 dinner. I did write inside of my little diary tho 😁 also im sure ur therapist didn't want to kill u 🤣 We are the same person 💗 I also therapize myself , but its just me being emotional/mentally ill and then me trying to talk myself into being logical abt it. Sometimes I feel like I dont be mentally ill and different and im normal, but once I'm around other ppl im like oh ! yea I got problems and everyone can clearly see that and 😬 I still gotta work on it. Not to say I look bad or anything, I just can't put on a normal ppl mask you know? OK good night this was also very long and rambly and all over but✌❤

UR THE BEST EVER. have i said that? its so true. the salad didnt even go bad!!!! i will eat the rest of it today hopefully! and dw i hate bugs like i totally get it😭😭 umm.. i dreamt abt captain america and the winter soldier HELP. we were like besties... idk the only thing i really remember is that they were both hilarious like the whole dream is just me laughing then stopping and then laughing again. there was other stuff but i forgot it obv. i watched a hannibal amv and the song was "take me to church" haha but it showed scenes from the last eps and i forgot i havent seen most of the last season.... like i dont think u mind but spoilers!!^__^ abigail dies and i stopped watching for like 6 months bc of that. i had to rewatch the ep too bc i didnt know exactly where i left off. which is good cuz i did miss a few important minutes at the end but i did break down and sob again. they took hannibal off netflix too so i had to watch it on effing HULU. i despise hulu. the ads are ridiculous im already paying y'all just give me the show! i brought that up bc umm... i cant believe i just QUIT season 3? its so good like i skipped around eps bc i rlly already know what happens but i will watch it all the ads r just impossible. anyway my friend just SCOLDED? ME? for eating a banana too slow????? my rsd barely like bothers me w her bc i just get pissed off like she does this stuff sometimes and it always is ridiculous. "we dont want to get gnats" by me taking a few minutes to eat a god damn banana?😐urgh. i had an awful panic attack bc my allergies are so bad i cant rlly breathe thru my nose right. n i was brushing my teeth and trying to breathe thru my mouth. n i couldn't. i have asthma btw so i was lile oh god this is some extreme asthma attack and im going to die. i did not die. i hate panic attacks like i nvr know its happening in the moment and it makes it worse. n normal ppl masks... SO RELATABLE! anyway um i dont feel like counting all whatever i said so i'll say one thing more. i brought up the hannibal here bc not bc of THAT amv but the one to hoodoo by muse😭 muse is.. big right? i really feel like i live under a rock and i've never been outside. i don't know how i'm supposed to know this stuff. anyway oh em gee. its soooo good. the video. i mean the song is too. i hate amvs where they're like good but the music sucks. even if its good music if it just doesn't vibe then it sucks. anyway idk it totally wrecked me after like seeing abigail die AGAIN and then will saying "i forgive you" and then hannibal walking away and then will n hannibal kill whatshisface together. i might just try to pirate hannibal only bc of hulu's 1-2 minute long adds every 10 minutes. i dont have that kind of patience. i'm always long and rambly do not worry❤️💗