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#dom!heechul
moriwood · 11 months
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Stealing the Spotlight — k.sn + p.js
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btm!kim sunoo x top!park jongseong x top!male reader smut 1.6k words
You were always the star of the most exclusive gentlemen’s club in the city, with influential figures lining up each night to have a private show with you. But then Sunoo came, stealing the spotlight and pushing you back to the background. After finding out that he has stolen your favorite client, you decide to remind the rookie who’s on top.
includes: a threesome, mc calling jay sir, sunoo spitroast, jay being threatened by your dom daddy behavior
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It’s exactly midnight and the club is in full swing. Half-naked bartenders are roaming around with ornate trays of drinks and savories, flaunting their bodies along the imported wines they carry. Drawing from your cigarette, you exhale unhurriedly, scanning the crowd for the big shots — politicians, businessmen, and celebrities — ready for the picking. But your favorite client is nowhere to be found.
“Gonna go out there stinking like those stogie hogs?” the matron of the club, Heechul, suddenly shows up, snatching your cigarette and stubbing it out on the ground. He checks you up and down, a sour expression on his face. “You don’t look like you’re ready to entertain anyone right now, my dear.”
“Blame the rookie,” you scoff, patting around your red satin button-up. You were still smoking hot, you knew that, but it no longer felt enough ever since Sunoo was hired. Men used to look forward to your special performances, but now they flock to the club whenever Sunoo is starring. “Have you seen Jay yet?” you ask Heechul.
“The mayor? Blame the rookie,” Heechul mocks, “he’s already booked Sunoo for the night.” He pats your shoulder, leaving you as he rushes to fix another dancer’s creased collar.
The color on your face reddens like your satin ensemble. “That fucking bitch,” you mutter, misplaced emotions boiling. The mayor's been your best client since your first night, and Sunoo’s finally got a taste of him as well. Someone’s got to put him back to where he belongs, you think, stomping towards the club’s executive suite, the only room the mayor has ever used.
The suite is enchantingly lit as you enter, a faint light above Sunoo accentuating his curves as he danced erotically to a disheveled Jay, who was sprawled out on a black velvet sofa. Jay immediately notices you, smirking as he sits right back up to take a sip of his liquor.
“I don’t think I called for you,” he slurs, “but I won’t turn down a pleasant surprise.” 
Sunoo swiftly turns around, the sudden motion causing his loose dress shirt to slip off his shoulder. His pale skin unfairly contradicts his impure occupation. “Looks like you’re getting a 2-in-1 tonight,” he teases, sauntering to you with a devious glint in his eyes.
“Loosen up,” Sunoo whispers, gently placing his hand on your chest to unbutton your shirt. “You know these men hate it when you act all so dominant.”
“And some of them hate it when you pretend to be so subservient,” you retort, pulling his hair back to suck on his collarbone, praying it stains his unblemished skin. Sunoo mewls in response. “They want you to bite first before they tame you," you add, licking over the blossoming bruise.
"Try to tame me then,” he smugly responds, palming your growing bulge as he pulls you for a kiss. He mindlessly undoes both of your belts as you deepen the kiss, your hand finding its way again to tug his hair. 
From behind Sunoo you hear rustling, finding Jay to have already stripped his pants off, manhood glistening at full mast. He was still wearing his suit though, black with intricate dark red scrollwork; he looked so spent without having started anything yet. Your eyes meet his and he only smiles, breathing heavily as he languidly rubs himself.
With your pants gone and your hard leaking cock throbbing against your underwear, Sunoo kneels, teeth dragging the garter down and springing you free. He spends no time waiting, a hand on the base and his plump lips teasingly sucking on the tip.
“Fuck, you smell so good,” you hear him mumble. “Can you fit it all?” you tease, holding onto his head. He shakes his head. Whatever insult you had at the tip of your tongue is cut short when you felt Sunoo’s sharp tongue swipe across the slit of your cock, making you shiver from the spike of pleasure. He takes a breath, a string of spit following his tongue. He tries taking you in deeper, anchoring his hands to your hips, and you push his head closer, his nose practically laid flat to your pubic hair. But then he chokes, coughing as he retreats. 
“God, you’re too fucking huge,” he bitterly grumbles, looking at you as if wishing you could shrink your dick down just for him. You laugh to yourself, Sunoo was feeling humiliated. But both of you knew had he kept this up, you would’ve climaxed an hour too early.
“That’s enough, the mayor might be feeling lonely,” you grit, picking him up easily and carrying him to the sofa. Sunoo resists, some grunts asking you what the fuck you were trying to do, but he got no reply. Instead, you drop him beside Jay, who in his drunken state, still managed to get the message. Jay puts Sunoo on all fours like a ragdoll and leans on the arm of the sofa, his cock already resting its tip on Sunoo’s mouth. Sunoo obliges, ever the slut he is, eagerly sucking it as if he wasn’t struggling on yours just minutes ago.
“Grown tired of me, Sir?” you nonchalantly ask Jay as you kneel behind Sunoo, lathering your hand with lube, provided by the club of course, then circling your fingers around Sunoo’s ass. Another conflicting image presents itself to you: Sunoo with his seemingly tight and clean hole, almost of an untouched maiden’s.
Jay begins to thrust into Sunoo at a consistent pace, recalling your question. “Just trying a different flavor,” he manages to respond in between groans. You roll your eyes at his response, forgoing a snarky remark as you lube up Sunoo’s hole with your fingers — two, then three. You glance at Jay, and you curse, thinking no corrupt politician should look as hot as he does. He finally takes off his coat, tossing it aside like the rest of your clothes strewn around the suite. “Remind me later that my wallet’s there,” he laughs, “or neither of you are going home with tips tonight.” 
You just nod, grabbing a condom from a table and ripping it with your teeth. Sunoo deserves a good fucking. If he can’t handle you then he shouldn’t be paraded around as the club’s best. That’s your title, not his.
You put your hands on Sunoo’s hips, thrusting all the way in the moment you wore the condom, earning a scream from him and a concerned glare from Jay. “Calm down,” he warns you, wiping down the drool that has come out of Sunoo. Ignoring his warning, you cackle, “Don’t you like it sloppy, Sir?”
Slowly pulling all the way out, you roughly thrust in again, setting the pace for how you want to fuck Sunoo. He didn’t need the coddling, you realize, judging from how Jay was almost cooing with how he cradled Sunoo’s head as he sloppily sucked him.
“Sun, you’re so tight,” you groan, steadily picking up as he envelops you in his warmth. “Do you feel me, huh?” you ask, slapping his ass. Sunoo doesn’t respond, only arching his back as he desperately pushes his ass back to your cock. “Use your words,” you instruct him, slapping him again. It was evident that Sunoo is being overwhelmed from the sensation, his erect cock dripping with so much precum. He stops sucking Jay, both hands gripping on Jay’s thighs to keep him in place.
“Yes, yes!” he lets out, repeating it again and again with other incoherent utterances. “Harder, please,” he begs, “make me cum,” voice becoming hoarse by the second. You oblige, embracing him as you start jerking him off. You nib on his earlobe, whispering sweet threats. “You like being fucked like this, don’t you?” you moan, “you like being fucked ‘til you faint.” 
“Who knew you could be so dominant?” Jay clenches his jaw in some masculine envy, jerking himself to the sight of you pushing Sunoo to his limits. You were being rougher to Sunoo than the mayor ever was to you. You’re fucking the rookie to put him into position, and you’re fucking him to prove a point to the client who didn’t call for you tonight. “Fuck, I’m cumming,” he grunts, “come back here, you slut. I’m the customer here.” 
Jay pulls Sunoo’s head back, revealing a sobbing mess, sweaty hair almost covering his eyes and a mouth so open for Jay’s seed. He cums with a loud groan, splattering all over Sunoo’s face, some landing on his hair. Remembering his job, Sunoo weakly strokes Jay’s cock as you continue with your unrelenting speed, tongue collecting the mayor’s dribbling cum. “Good boy,” Jay whispers, “good boy.”
“‘M ‘bout to cum too,” Sunoo whimpers, trying to stop you from jerking him off so fast. Jay notices this, holding onto Sunoo’s arms. “I can’t,” he cries, “I’m gonna—” 
Sunoo climaxes, ropes of white painting your hand and the couch. The sound is obscene as you jerk him to total completion, sticky and wet. You bite your lips, unable to handle Sunoo clenching onto your cock so badly. You pull yourself out, haphazardly throwing away the condom as you cum all over Sunoo’s back.
You lean back, interpreting the scene in front of you. Your companions have passed out, Jay with an arm over his head and Sunoo splayed over the couch. You clean yourself off, tasting Sunoo’s cum for the first time. So sweet, too sweet. The poor guy probably has no vices. You look around the room for your clothes, panicking about what the matron will do to you for this stunt you pulled. Then you notice the bulging leather wallet laid next to Jay’s suit. Oh.
Looks like you’re still ahead of Sunoo in the tipping game, you muse, approaching the wallet with a perverse grimace.
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author's note: took me quite a while, needed to fuck before writing the fucking I’M KIDDING I’M JOKING I DIDN’T DO THAT
— moriwood.
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hyunsvngs · 21 days
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do u reckon at least some skz members has come across mxm fanfiction??? (i defo feel like at least one of them have) cause ik other idols have for example san from ateez and some other idol (i forgot his name) but like,,, i think abt this occasionally because the same guy that i forgot his name was upset because he kept on being the bottom a lot more than being a top in fanfics😭 LIKE do think han ever feels that way,,,??? i just wanna know howd they react in heavy detail!!!!
also to add onto that (sorry for yapping sm) like imagine it’s completely wrong as well like han is just a really dommy man theres so many whatifs and i need to know for my own sanity lmfao
the other idols that come to mind are yunho and jaejoong from tvxq/jyj! yunho was very happy to find out he always tops in fics LFMJSSNDN and heechul from super junior wrote his own fanfiction abt donghae & eunhyuk too!!!! he’s cooked 🙏
it leads me to believe they all KNOW guys. i said this before but fanfiction has always been a massive part of culture and i’d be gobsmacked if the boys hadn’t read any lol. also DO NOT apologise for yapping i yap 24/7 and i also think what if we’re completely wrong. what if changbin is a hard dom or smth ITS TERRIFYING
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muselin · 2 years
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Can i ask for a hyung line (leeteuk, heechul and yesung) x female reader foursome for kinktober? 😊 I feel like heechul would be kind of dominant and at the same time relaxed, for leeteuk i see him being a soft dom too and yesung will make everything about pleasing her? 👉🏻👈🏻
-suju anon
Hi suju anon! I'm so sorry it's taken so long to respond to your request! In the end I'm not doing Kinktober this year but I AM working on this piece because I still really support the idea of giving older groups some love during this busy writing time. Your request is now in my WIPs
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kpoppwriter · 6 years
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Heechul Fantasy
Anonymous said to kpoppwriter:
I often fantasise about trying to dominate Heechul to try and tease him, only for him to turn tables on me and be the biggest tease to ever tease.
Sorry it took so long.
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You had been toying with Heechul all day and now you were at Sungmin’s house for dinner. Your hand was palming Heechul through his pants as he tried to keep conversation with Shindong. You could tell by the way he was leaning forward and slightly rocking into your palm that he was close. You began to rub harder and faster on him and watched his face as he let his mouth drop open slightly. You lived watching him try and hold it together. You felt his pants grow a little wet as he stared at Shindong spaced out.
“Ahhhh, why would you start a conversation then look at me like you don’t care what I’m saying!” Shindong snapped. “Fine I’ll find someone to look at me the way Y/N is looking at you!” he said as he scanned the table to meet eyes with anyone. Everyone avoided eye contact and Yesung even left the table. You giggled at the silence as did Sungmin’s wife when you heard Heechul gulp. He looked desperate for your touch as his jaw began to shake and his eyes had a gloss of innocence over them.
“Sorry I couldn’t focus Shindong, I think I’m coming down with something so I might as well leave with Y/N now.” Heechul said as he got up and grabbed his coat off his chair.
You got up too and examined him. He was starting to sweat and was avoiding you eye contact ad he nervously checked his coat to make sure it covered the stain on his pants. You both dismissed yourselves and slipped out of the gathering.
On the car ride home, nothing was said as you watched Heechul fidget in his seat, trying not to touch himself as you had instructed earlier that day.
You pulled into the driveway as his whining intensified. You could tell he was very needy and you couldn’t wait to get inside. Heechul was quick to jump out and try to unlock the doors with his keys, fumbling with them. You came up and unlocked the door as he rushed up to your room. You took your coat off and shoes as a loud bump echoed through the air. You walked upstairs and peered into the bedroom only to see an empty room. You walked in and looked over to the closet to see if he was hiding like a shy little boy.
You stepped closer as you suddenly heard the door close behind you. There was Heechul waiting for you. Startled you turned around and looked him in the face as he smirked. Walking over he adjusted his hands behind his back, you held your hands out as to warn him to stay back. All day you had the upper hand and you knew you were about to pay for it, but damn it, Heechul was revengeful. You backed uo until you hit the bed as he stepped closer and closer. Finally you fell on it when you thighs hit it, ready to get back up you were caught by Heechul pinning you down.
“All mines.” he said in a low voice as you heard a clicking noise. He had put the handcuffs on you while keeping you distracted with his eyes alone. “So pretty, and it’s all mines.” He started up again as he kissed down you neck and to your center. You started to move a bit as he felt so good using his mouth on you. “Heechul,” you said in a moaned out whisper. He stood up and looked at you.
“Be quiet, it’s gonna be a long night, and I don’t need your throat giving up yet.” He said as he unbuckled his pants, you were about to get tenfold of everything you did.
- Admin Morning Star
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submissivekpop · 4 years
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ok but cockwarming w super junior 🤩🥵
The ones who find it really relaxing (like, for real): Leeteuk, Yesung
The one who can't stand still no matter how hard he tries: Donghae
The ones who try to tease you but end up begging you to let them fuck you after two minutes: Eunhyuk, Heechul, Ryeowook
The ones who just don't get the point - and complain about it: Siwon, Kyuhyun
The one who doesn't get the point, but does it anyways because you asked him to and he can't say no to you: Shindong
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sujusoo · 4 years
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As a Dom/As a Sub - Heechul Scenario
2nd installment of the series requested by muselin! 
I feel like Heechul is another member who could be a switch, but I would expected him to be a sub. I don’t think I could see him as always being a dom. I think him being a dom would definitely play into his selfish side. 83line are needy bitches tbh.
Also, reminder that everything in here is consensual, and it’s not like they *never* have vanilla sex, it’s just kinda boring to write about. (like, Heechul would never call you a slut if you didn’t want to be called a slut, yanno?) *also also, these are just my guesses/thoughts*
As a Dom
If he was a dom, he would be one of the most controlling doms. He's the only one who can be bratty, so don't even try it. Heechul's got a big humiliation kink, and gets so turned on from calling you his slut and making you cry while you cum. Heechul also is a big fan of orgasm denial. He’d be eating you out, pushing you slow close to the edge, and then just pull away. He’d also love to fuck your throat, and would do that before you got any pleasure. If you didn’t do it good enough, he wouldn’t let you cum. 
Heechul’s fingernails dug into your thighs as you moaned out, nearing your orgasm. He abruptly stopped eating you, pulling up to face you. “Did you really think a whore like you would get to come so easily?” His hand would grab your chin and pull your face close to him. “Maybe you should have sucked my cock better, slut. Open your mouth for me, let’s try this again.”
As a Sub
If you thought Leeteuk was needy, wait until you see Heechul. He wants to be pleased and he wants to be pampered. He wouldn’t care if you ride him or if you fuck him, as long as you’re making him feel good. He’d be one to beg you to fuck him, and then taunt you when you’d aren’t doing it hard enough. Heechul would do his best to push your buttons, wanting to make you snap and fuck him senseless.  If you do that, though, you better have some good aftercare. If you’re strong enough, carry him to the bathroom. If not, make sure you’ve filled it with his favorite bubble bath.
 “Is that really the best you can do?” Heechul said, turning to look back at you as you fucked into him. “I know you can do better than that,” he said, grunting a little as you pulled his hair. 
“I’ll fuck you harder, but you don’t get to come until I say,” you said lowly, sliding a cock ring on him. Heechul tried his best to hide his moan, so ready for you to let loose. 
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passionatelyfanfic · 3 years
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BTS As Subs
Honestly, I do not see any of the guys been full-on subs, they are either doms, switches, or prefer no labels, but for our pleasure let us imagine that perhaps we are lucky enough to make them our subs 😜🤤
Jin/ Seokjin
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Not the easiest to convince but if he sees that you have enough confidence to dominate him, then he'll be into it. He might not admit it but he kind of likes you tying him up and adorning his beautiful body with kisses and licks. Jin is meant to be adored, although he is our WWH, I think he needs to be reminded just how perfect he is and by being the one in charge you kind of get to shower him with all the affection he needs. I think he would probably go crazy once you reach his lower half and use your mouth on him. Seeing you this way would only make him fall deeper in love with you, wanting nothing more than to show you how much he loves you when he is in control again.
Suga/ Agust D/ Yoongi
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I feel there are two parts to Yoongi, one that does not do anything unless he wants to, the other part is, if he loves you enough, he'll do just about anything you ask, although he'll complain or put up a little fight before fully accepting it (in other words he wanted to do it, he just wanted to be a brat about it or have you beg). I think he has a thing for a woman with a strong personality, so seeing you express this in bed as well, will leave him in admiration for you. He probably won't want to do much when he is the sub, he'll groan at everything you want, but then again who doesn't like the sound of his frustrated little moans and groans (think of the mmm sounds he makes when he raps, the little in pain moaning he made on a show when the rest of BTS was smacking his wrists, Heechul had to tell him he sounded too sexual and this one I heard recently, search 'Min Yoongi moaning or playing' on Youtube, very short clip where he is wearing black, YOU will not be disappointed😩🌊- this man's voice never fails me honestly).
Jhope/ Hoseok
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He seeks to dominate in bed the way he does on stage, even if not intentional, it is just a role he usually takes, taming him would not be hard though, he is a sweetheart, all you have to do is ask. He will probably forget his place, will probably stare at you as if he wanted to rail you right into the bed, but all you would have to do is remind him who was in charge. He will let you do just about anything to him with zero complaints, he enjoys seeing you in this manner. Seeing his woman been the star of the show, the boss, the one making all the rules and scolding him if he doesn't do as he is told turns him on like nothing else can. The both of you just living for and loving moments like this.
RM/ Namjoon
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Yes, our Daddy. Taking this into account, a daddy wants to ensure that he gives his baby girl the best possible care and not to be rude but fucking there is. In this case, him been a sub is not that much different, it kind of means the same thing, in a way. You telling him what you want and doing what you like to him only fulfills his wish- him being able to make you feel really good. You using his body just the way you like will get him pretty turned on, especially when you are on top moaning his name. He will be a brat about it though, touching you when he is not supposed to or saying something dirty just to get a reaction out of you; this will be something he enjoys, seeing you a little frustrated trying to dominate him, he cannot help it, he is a dom by nature after all.
Jimin
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This baby boy seeks being wanted and desired by you, if that means he needs to be the sub during sex then he is very much open to it. Another one like Jin, he needs to be reminded just how perfect he is to you, so do not be afraid to spoil him and treat him. You can do just about anything to him and ask for just about anything, denying his orgasms and edging him will probably be the only thing that makes him a little angry, but he'll control himself and do as you say since he wants to hear you praise him once you are done. Just be warned though, once the roles are reversed, he will edge you to the point that you end up in tears, begging him to let you orgasm.
V/ Taehyung
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Easy to convince when you want to be the dom during sex, he'll even be the one to suggest it on some occasions. To him sex is all about enjoyment and trying new things, he would want to be tied up, have sex toys used on him, ride him, choke him, bite on his neck, sit on his face, be rough with him, make him kneel before you as you stand and he eats you out. He wants to be used by YOU and do anything for you just as when the roles are reversed you do all this for him. Being a sub doesn't make him feel any less dominant or less masculine if I can put it that way, he knows sex is something to be fully enjoyed and explored, being a sub is just another way of him taking advantage of those benefits and expressing himself sexually.
Jungkook
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I think he would like been a sub more than he would ever like to admit. He wants to be scolded therefore I think he will be a bratty sub, told what to do, and be called nicknames, for instance, Baby Boy, Prince? I do think he has a mommy kink and likes to be taken care of as well. He will probably get pretty whiney for you. I think these are the reasons he takes such pleasure in annoying the older members every chance he gets, as well as the interest he shows in older women. I think just knowing that you are able to dominate him even though he is a lot more physically stronger than you is a big turn-on for him. I think you as a dom also allows him to learn more about your body and what you like.
@stealth-liberal I hope it is okay x
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kpopimaginings · 3 years
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Update
Hey! I wanted to update you on what I’m doing while my requests are closed.
I have just finished the Baekhyun Bambi request (it’s going to be a reaction video with s/o rather than them on the stream, hope thats ok) It will be posted once my beta confirms there’s no dumb mistakes and it makes sense.
The Leeteuk/Heechul threesome smut is in the works and I am enjoying it!
I also have a Kai smut/fluff, a Sub!San and fluffly KJK written that will be posted at some point. (Feel free to message me about them, if any of them seems particuarly popular I might post it sooner ;) )
I am also working on a JayB smut and a Dom!Seonghwa, and I have plans for KJK smut, KJK dating headcanons, Sub!Jimin and Mark Tuan smut.
Providing my brain doesn’t get distracted again and come up with even more plans, I will reopen requests once this list is a little shorter so that I don’t get burnt out trying to do too much.
Love you all!
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sugar-petals · 4 years
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taemin,heechul,yoongi. these are my top three when it comes to cross dressing. PS: that awkward moment when they're more attractive and beautiful than you are whether they're dressed in feminine or masculine style 😭😭😭
as someone who likes pretty boys… at one point, u gotta give up and define your own goblin category. let em shine. if you’re going up against lee taemin, it’s better to protect ur dom esteem and just let him do his thing 🤓
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I’d love to have a threesome with Siwon and Heechul of Super Junior (both are doms)
I actually haven’t  seen this combo before and I find it interesting. This is also the last confession
Heechul watched you as you sat on the edge of the bed, Siwon sitting behind you and un-doing your blouse. You were nearly frozen, not expecting to be in this situation at all. “Don’t look so scared, we won’t hurt you.” Heechul said, leaning down to your level. Siwon chuckled before moving his lips to your neck. You couldn’t help but melt into his touch before feeling Heechul’s hands move over your thighs. 
“All you have to do is listen to us. We’ll take care of you.” Siwon said and moved your hair out of the way. Heechul moved forward, finally capturing your lips for a messy kiss. Your own hands finding purchase in his long hair. Siwon, feeling slightly left out made quick work of putting his hands where you needed them most. 
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muselin · 3 years
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finally I see someone +25 y.o talking about slightly younger ppl. i'm on my early 30s and always feel ashamed of myself when i think someone younger is attractive. how much of an age gap is ok for you? also, i'm a switch and i don't have daddy/mommy kinks, but if there's someone who can make me call him daddy is top of bigbang. i stan suju, leeteuk n hyukjae give me the chills, but none of them give me dom vibes enough. i'd mostly like to tie them down and make them whine bc of overstimulation.
To give you a reference, I'm the same age as Taemin.
I know what you mean lol, I had the biggest mental block when 4th gen kpop ramped up, i couldn't get over the hurdle in my head of the age gap. I have different "thresholds" for different things. I used to think it was weird to write smut for idols who were so much younger than me but i got over it. Look at all the smut I've written for TXT lol. I have a 9-year gap with their maknae line.
But it's okay, you know why? Cause Heechul dated Momo, and he is 13 years older than her. Shim Mina's husband on the other hand is 17 years younger than her. IU dated Kang Jiha who is 11 years older than her. The actress Han Hyejin married footballer Ki Sungyeong who is 8 years younger than her. Not to mention that in Korea it's definitely a THING for a guy to date a noona.
Age truly is just a number my friend. Especially if we're talking about good old straight up sex and not marriage.
TMI for my own age gaps:
1. Had sex with - 10 years older than me
2. Dated casually - 4 years older than me
3. Serious relationship - 3 years older than me
4. Made out with - idk, probably 3 years younger or more? We didn't get to know each other much lol
5. Felt attracted to IRL - probably 10 years younger than me? I see cute university freshmen all the time. Sue me.
T.O.P. definitely gives daddy vibes, I agree! And as much as I love SuJu, I agree that there don't seem to be any straight up dom vibes in there. My bias is Hyukjae btw, love him so much 💙
SuJu definitely have a bit of a Great Gatsby, forever-young kind of vibe. Personally I can't see them as daddies and I can't really see myself domming them either, I view them mostly as equals.
Now, Shinhwa definitely give me daddy vibes, absolutely. Minwoo, Dongwan and Eric especially.
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kpoppwriter · 4 years
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Hey! Happy Birthday! Hope you managed to have a good time, given the circumstances haha! I'm not sure if I requested this before or not, but I would love to see how you think Super Junior are as doms and subs! As smutty as you want to make it!
A/N: thank you for the birthday message!
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Leeteuk ~
♡ as a dom - he’s playful and loves to tease a bit but he’s also sweet and gives you exactly what you want
♡ as a sub - he’s actually good and is obedient. Not full baby boy but close
Heechul ~
♡ as a dom - he’s the biggest tease and will edge you for hours if you let him 
♡ as a sub - he’s the definition of a brat, always pushes your buttons 
Yesung ~
♡ as a dom - can be rough if he’s in the mood but is usually soft
♡ as a sub - getting real close to baby boy levels, can be playful but is obedient
Shindong ~
♡ as a dom - soft dom, isn’t usually rough
♡ as a sub - I can’t see him as a sub but he’d probably be a super chill sub
Eunhyuk ~
♡ as a dom - hard dom but can get soft when wants to, pretty kinky
♡ as a sub - he always tried to fight for dominance at first but submits quickly
Donghae ~
♡ as a dom - the softest dom, so kind and so sweet,  always gives you what you want
♡ as a sub - the best boy, the definition of a good baby boy, the best sub
Siwon ~
♡ as a dom - stern and firm but never too rough, wouldn’t call him hard or soft 
♡ as a sub - very rarely subs but always has a fight for dominance before submitting 
Kyuhyun ~ 
♡ as a dom - super soft dom, never rough or firm
♡ as a sub - he’s also a good baby boy, he’s just so soft and sweet
Henry ~ 
♡ as a dom - he’s a tease but he always gives into you 
♡ as a sub - he teeters on brat but ends up being good in the end
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shytiff · 4 years
Text
Jan 2021 Wins
ive “journaled” for 6 months now. it started as small ___ wins because when you feel rly empty, even doing the bare minimum feels like a win. written down some of the wins. i think until now i’d like to keep the “win” part. a win against my shadow sometimes. a win in life. some things to be grateful for. a win for remembering it later in the future. i know some days im just basically doing nothing.  there are a lot of wars not won by me. but im still tryna ✨manifest✨
1 - woke up. watched bts’ 2021 seasons greetings. read trap city. afternoon nap. pupuy’s mbah passed away. i got DOMS in my body even though i did the barest of exercise yesterday (frail, i know). shower, matcha latte.
2 - the x banner atikah and i sent for racil post thesis defense has arrived lmaoo. mom made delicious (and sweet) fried banana. did some studying (more than usual, bcs the bar is on the floor)
3 - ate muesli, 3 risols. Kopsus coklat at flavola. Stayed there from 12-ish to 17:30 lmaooo. weekly bahas soal w/ fi. Rapat nemo
4 - first day of collab module. Barely cicil ukmppd. My mood is normal-ish but i hardly have the will to study. Dinner is fried fish with mentai sauce, potato wedges, and saladdd by mom
5 - collab module, qa presentation for rsui reps. finished reviewing tryout 2 solid. did padi pretest (got 66,5). ate chicken porridge, a bit of muesli and vsoy, tan ek tjoan bread, matcha latte, fish and chicken and potato wedges and salad, fried banana. i ate well today lol.
6 - slept during collab webinar, went to clara’s place to study osce and attended padi together. i ate well at clara’s placeee lol. ate nastar, kusuka, white kwetiaw with soup (?), and lele goreng. went back home @ 9 pm. i feel refreshed. even though we’ve half studied half mukbang all day. human interaction rly does heal me. i need human interaction more than i think. at night i dreamed about going to bali, to waterparks, seeing sea creatures, watching a movie displayed on a concert-like stage and screen at the front row. 
7 - woke up at 07:55, finished my part for collab group work. felt a bit tired today. the rest of fam went to DM, and when they were on the way back i HURRIED my way out, not even taking a shower lmaoo. got pistachio matcha latte at starbucks dm. now im more skilled in searching the best spot in a cafe to distance myself from people lmao. the matcha latte is served with some sort of pistachio cream and sprinkled with nuts on top. its like when sbux had taro matcha latte and it had purple cream on top. the pistachio taste is quite strong. reviewed TO 1 padi, sent proposals for nemo sponsorship.
8 - did syndrome try out and padi 2 web try out. studied for osce and padi @ clara’s place. wanted to order pizza since clara bought me food before, but she insisted in ordering lmaoo. so dinner is pizza hut
9 - woke up at 11.00 lmao. havent had breakfast. lunch is muesli with the brand new delishhh chocolate granola and cimory banana milk. did one shot try out, got 71. had a google meet with Prof Agus (that ethics book ghostwriting job from a year ago is not finished until now huaaa) that went from 20.00ish and finished at 22.30,,,,, reviewed syndrome try out along the way. havent made my collab self reflection hhhh. i also need to study for osce. also havent edited article for bukang solid. and there goes my saturday nooo
10 - i swear i keep waking up late lmao. Flavola w atikah, racheel later came with wawa. Kopsus coklat and ukmppd class w dr yudo. After class i just talked at flavola (and ended not studying osce at all for sunday). Went to racheel's to pray and talk some more. Hurriedly went back for booty call with fi, watched konser dies natalis first. Tryout and sum study with fi and clar that went from 20:30 to 00:10. Powered by left over kopsus and 2 snackit pia. Rip my sleeping schedule
11 - woke up at 10:30 ish, the lack of meal and horrible sleep pattern (for my standard) produced stuffy nose during the day and a bit of headache that went away for a bit after i ate. Late bfast is muesli, drank protein, ate tan ek tjoan, plus 2 brownies in the evening. Tht coaching w dr niken. Did self reflection for collab. Had dinner without rice, as usual. Ukmppd class w dr ayu. Finished reflection at 21:30 lmao (deadline is 23:55). Tryna sleep and my nose is still itchy and i sneeze a more often. i hope it goes away 2mrw
12 - DV coaching, scele tryout, took a nap before padi cause my head kind of hurts. Les padi while drinking matcha with vsoy less sugar and no added sugar. I can withstand the horrible sugarless cy matcha taste bcs theres a taste of soy. Didnt do anything else. Havent studied osce on my own until now. Astagfirullah
13 - my head still kind of aches. Its goes away when im eating. im eating so well during the weekdays that i gained 2kgs lmao. lazed around the first half of the day. padi. finally tried saint matcha and damnn its an amazing upgrade from Cy matcha. the green color is super different yall. Cy’s green looks sick and tired compared to saint matcha. the taste? immaculate (although coco deli is more fragrant). caffeine? hits. awake and feel normal? yes. messaged an ao3 author and got replied and turns out she’s making a sequel for my fav fic of hers. yay
14 - osce practice w ara ren ness. bedah and anak osce coaching. had 3 of mom’s cinnamon rolls and matcha latte for the afternoon. cicil osce DV. edited some pld articles. did nothing else basically
15 - wasted my day, didnt have the courage to study osce (i feel like i procrastinate on it bcs it feels overwhelming to me), TO FKUI 2, hurriedly reviewed to 1 before, les padi. i feel like this is the least focused im being in a les. maybe its the too few matcha powder.
16 - woke up at 9 am. breakfast is muesli. reviewed to 2 fkui w apa salahku (finished at 12 pm, there goes half of my saturday). tried fried chicken master. its good and tender but i still prefer moon chicken. 
17 - breakfast is muesli, banana and 2 martabak tahu. snack is keripik pisang aduuu wenak (and picking bits of meat cooked by mom). went to devi’s place w/ racheel silvi. brought RJ to be wrapped. we watched okay madam and its super fun, hilarious and full of twists anddd a bit of cutesy romance. just the right balance to enjoy and let the stress out. late lunch is moon chicken yay!! went home after maghrib, did to padi 6 w/ fi and matcha latte. talked about a senior’s wedding and eating healthier til 22:30
18 - To fkui 3, wasted my afternoon playing my phone, finally mustered some will to study after ashar. My progress is rly slow today. Watched hilarious jessi interview with eric, heechul. Im telling u, i thought tiktok is the funniest internet content but i was wronggg. Seeing heechul flustered is hilarious. Tried to study again at night but only learned 1 disease hiks
19 - had no idea what i did before dzuhur lmao. went to racheel’s to surprise atikah. actually napped at her place lmaoo why do i feel so sleepy. gifted rj to atikah. we ate fried chicken master and pempek on a small green table and talked. its like korean movie lmao. we talked while im simultaneously listening to padi lol.
20 - woke up at 8, chicken porridge + muesli and low sugar vsoy for breakfast. arrived at clara’s @10am. to fkui 4. reviewed it. reviewed general physical exam. finished up to padi 7. tried bombo donut. studied osce. i felt sooo dumb in osce (and clara is already super smart). superrr motivated to learn after going back home (arrived at 7) but i ended up opening youtube and drinking protein lmaooo and its suddenly 9 pm
21 - matcha latte at starbucks dm. Studied osce. Obgyn coaching w the super kind dr ilham. Les padi. Read angel buddy and played with my phone til 12 pm
22 - to fkui. padi as usual. had low motivation, so i did the tryout that day close to the actual course.
23 - left home at 06:30 to study together in capitol. had breakfast in mcd first. thank god i ate rice + chicken and breakfast wrap cuzzzz. studied osce together w ara, ical, kelvyn, dio and kak ilonka til about 2 pm. WALKED to bk bcs my parents are there. apparently simply driving to capitol is too much for them. immediately ate muesli at 4 pm cause i didnt eat anything in capitol. did nothing else after that. did not pray maghrib together lmao somehow mom had mercy on me and let me sleep som more. mom bought sate padang but i didnt eat it. i cried in bed because as yoongi said, “this is the real you and this is the real me”. did not shower/wash my face at night bcs i felt like shit lmao rip my face (its a week before bukang photoshoot)
24 - i feel tired, lazy, and just wanted some sleep. like all that’s in me is drained. ate muesli with strawberry milk. tried fitmee beef. its better than i thought. because the noodle is chewy you spend more time to chew. also ate fried chicken and daun singkong. usually i cant wait to go to flavola but even at 12 pm i just feel like laying down. finally mustered the will to shower and go out. its raining a bit on the way. colddd. 
25 - to fkui 6, osce briefing, covid lecture (that was actually for ppds), padi
26 - spaghetti for brekkie, coaching neuro and ophthalmology, cicil osce
27 - cicil osce, the second to the last padi omg. the fastest padi ever
28 - obgyn osce practice at kak ilonka’s place (that nice kosan at forkabi) with ara, ren ness, kelvyn, dio with mannequins from og dept, tried meokja salemba that serves bulgogi rice. quite good. after arriving at home, studied neuro together with menno til about 20:45 an and i just dont have the energy lmaooo so i gave up and slept
29 - today is bukang photoshoot at bintaro. put base make up on the way. even put glue on my eyebrow. got eyebrow, eyeshadow and blush done by renata. took lots of photos. nebeng om coro afterwards to bxc to meet mom. we ate at genki sushi (renata ara kris mendel oca regan geordie eka). i missss road trips hua. did tryout fkui on the way back home. after shower and prayer proceeded to review TO with apa salahku. Last padi (havent done the questions beforehand so i sprinted it out while on the actual course). Muhasabah osce with kak widia afterwards lmao. Studied osce with clara
30 - studied osce with ara ren ness @ merra. I ate eatlah, moms muffin, kemplang, tango. I ate so welll. Its a productive sesh, neuro and infectious disease. At home i studied osce w clara til abt 22:15 ish. I feel like i miss my me time lmao its been 3 days. I can still go on w clara but i dont wanna get myself sick
31 - simul osce in the morning. Osce study with clara almira. Cicil osce alone. Played my phone at 10 pm even though i still have mental clarity post matcha latte -___-
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sujusoo · 4 years
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Sujusoo Suju Masterlist
*if it doesn’t have a link yet, it’s an upcoming request!*
Imagines
Yesung
Hot Cup of Love - Yesung + male reader fall in love in a cafe
No Need to KRY About It - Yesung gets jealous of you + Kyu/Wook
Siwon
A Rainy Evening - Siwon + you have a picnic in the rain
Diamonds and Lace - Siwon + female reader smut
MOA Day - Siwon + you have a shopping date
Lost & Found - Siwon is lost + you help him (and fall in love)
A Gentle Touch - SIwon + female reader smut
Ryeowook
A Dream for You and Me - Ryeowook + you are expecting, but he doesn’t know
A Dream for You and Me pt.2
Scenarios
Going on their Youtube Channel - Leeteuk
As Doms/As Subs - Leeteuk Heechul
Reactions
Confessing their Love
Idol Crush on the Same Show
S/O Refusing Sex Due to Weight Gain
As Single Dads
Drabbles/Blurbs
Yesung
Relax - Yesung + male!reader has a migraine
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elf-bot · 4 years
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SMUT ALPHABET - Heechul
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Leeteuk // Heechul // Yesung // Shindong // Eunhyuk // Donghae // Siwon // Ryeowook // Kyuhyun
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A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)
Unlike other members, Heechul might not be very sweet, but he surely cares about you and how you feel. Heechul will ask how it was, if you were in pain or if you even need something. He has his own way to care about you deeply and this side will always show up during sex and aftercare.
B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
He loves your thighs and ass. Heechul will take any opportunity to grab softly your ass when you’re at home. On him he likes his face and his hair, so when his hair is long you can pull it and tug it during sex.
C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)
He loves to cum on your mouth if you let him. Will also cum inside you and watch it drip it out.
D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Heechul likes to try a lot of new things, so he enjoys sex toys. Might take a while for Heechul to show this to you to make sure you’re comfortable or would like to try toys or new kinks. When he talks to you about it, it’s no longer a secret but if you decline he will respect your decision.
E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)
So. Experienced. Out of all the members he is the one who has more experience with lovers and this has come to show him different sides and ways to enjoy sex. He is very confident with most of the things he is doing and if you’re not that experienced or if you’re shy about the subject, Heechul will try his best to make you comfortable with it so he can get used to your rythm.
F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)
Dom!Heechul loves to have you on your hands and knees and sub!Heechul loves you riding him.
G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)
If he is totally in the mood for sex and horny as hell he will be serious. It’s rare for him to make jokes or goof around.
H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)
Very well groomed.
I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)
He is serious for sex so he will be very intimate if you’re an official couple. If you’re just sleeping together for fun he will focus on sex and only sex.
J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)
He does it often when he’s alone or away from you.
K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
Toys obviously, hair pulling, role play and rough sex.
L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)
The bedroom is intimate so that would be fine, but any other place in the house will also make it spicy. Even in semi public places will work if both of you are okay and eager to do it.
M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)
You being playful and teasing him will turn him on. When you bite your lip it also a huge turn on.
N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Again Heechul is open to a lot of things but if you decline he will not do it.
O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)
He prefers giving to receiving. He knows how to work his tongue and his fingers to make you cum and whimper for hours. For receiving he will be very dominant if you let him.
P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)
Mostly fast and rough.
Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)
He loves quickies often when you’re working and will please you after with actual sex.
R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)
As stated before, Heechul loves to take risks and try new stuff if his partner has agreed to it.
S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)
Two rounds, but he’s full of teasing so expect a lot of teasing. Even if he’s done he can continue pleasuring you.
T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
He owns toys and will use them on himself, his partner has to agree to use them together.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
He teases a lot before and during sex. Foreplay is one of his favorite parts.
V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)
Heechul is a very vocal person, he is very loud. Sometimes he will just groan or moan with a husky voice to hear your moans instead.
W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)
He enjoys power play. Also is willing to share with any of his members if all parts are okay with it.
X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)
Average size.
Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
He loves sex so four to five times a week.
Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Heechul takes a little time to fall asleep. If it’s after a long round he will fall asleep almost immediately. He will just make sure you’re okay first.
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Text
I’m With You
Son Taeyeon was torn between her anger and her heartache. He never showed it all to her. Never admitted that his pain ran deep to this extent. Taeyeon admitted that it might seem insensitive, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t feeling angry. Maybe a better girlfriend would only feel sympathy and concern. Maybe she should feel only sympathy and concern. Maybe that was the right thing to do, but Taeyeon couldn’t help how she felt. 
Pairing: Park Jungsoo (Leeteuk)/Son Taeyeon
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Warnings: A little bit of teasing, slight dom/sub undertones, pregnancy risk kink (kind of?), spanking, the tiniest bit of degradation, and emotional intimacy kink (is that even a thing?)
_____
eonni: a term used by a female to refer to another female, older than her, that she is close to
oppa: a term used by a female to refer to a male, older than her, that she is close to
kimbap: a Korean dish made from cooked rice and other ingredients that are rolled in kim—dried sheets of nori seaweed—and served in bite-sized slices
danpatbbang: Korean red-bean-paste bun
samanco: a Korean frozen treat consisting of vanilla ice cream and a thin layer of sweet red bean paste, wrapped inside a fish-shaped wafer shell
Son Taeyeon was torn between her anger and her heartache.  
He never showed it all to her. Never admitted that his pain ran deep to this extent. Taeyeon admitted that it might seem insensitive, but she'd be lying if she said she wasn't feeling angry. Maybe a better girlfriend would only feel sympathy and concern. Maybe she should feel only sympathy and concern. Maybe that was the right thing to do, but Taeyeon couldn’t help how she felt.
After Soojin-eonni had left, she’d busied herself watching the latest episode of Super TV as it aired; it was only right, after all, as both a fan of Super Junior and Leeteuk-oppa’s girlfriend, there was no way she was going to miss it. She’d enjoyed every episode, but this current one in particular she had found particularly interesting (and amusing). Seeing Heechul-oppa and Leeteuk-oppa being so awkward while alone together was definitely a worthwhile entertainment, especially because she had experienced firsthand how different their personalities were. Taeyeon knew they both loved each other, but their styles in themselves were so opposite that it was a little hard to be in the same room as them without the other members.
It was all good fun until Leeteuk-oppa had gone into Dr. Doo Eunmi’s office for his one-on-one consultation session. Heechul-oppa’s had been funny – a given, really, considering his natural personality – and Taeyeon had leaned forward on her couch in anticipation, expecting another good laugh from her boyfriend. Leeteuk-oppa was funny too, she knew better than anyone else. His humor never failed to delight her. And most of the time, she thought fondly, he doesn’t even try.
Leeteuk-oppa had bowed to the doctor, smiling all the way and flashing that dimple that she loved so much. He’d taken a seat in front of her, where Heechul-oppa had previously been sitting, hands folded politely over his lap. Taeyeon could tell, despite his courtesy, that he felt nervous. Furrowing her eyebrows, she wondered why. Her boyfriend had been on plenty of broadcasts; she had never seen him this tense. Did he not like how personal the moment was?
Her brief concern was mitigated by Heechul-oppa on the screen, now listening in to the session as Leeteuk-oppa had been listening into his. He’d commented that the entire situation seemed like marriage counseling for them, a couple married for fourteen years, and Taeyeon had laughed, because he wasn’t wrong. Heechul-oppa and Leeteuk-oppa really did seem like a married couple sometimes.
She watched as the scene cut back to Leeteuk-oppa and his session. Leeteuk-oppa was telling the doctor that truthfully, he didn’t really feel the need to go as far as counseling, and Taeyeon agreed. Awkward as things might be between Leeteuk-oppa and Heechul-oppa, she knew how much they treasured each other. The counseling was just good fun and something interesting and intimate for the viewers.
The screen them switched back to Leeteuk-oppa’s later interview, talking about how he was once told that an entertainer needed to always be cheerful and happy, no matter how hard they felt that their life was, because that was the role of an entertainer. To entertain people. And now, Leeteuk-oppa said, now that he was in a situation that forced him to act more like the human being, Park Jungsoo, not the idol and celebrity Leeteuk, he had felt out of his element, uncomfortable and unsure.
His words had struck a chord all too clear with Taeyeon, frankly, chasing away her earlier mirth. She understood exactly what Teukkie-oppa meant. As an idol too, debuting in 2006, just a few months into fourteen years old, Taeyeon knew just too well how judgmental the media could be, how hard to please and how vicious when given the slightest opportunity. Public figures were criticized mercilessly for even the smallest, most trivial slip in demeanor, and the result was a façade that they always wore in front of cameras. They always took care to smile, always took care to act cheery and bright and charming, because they were absolutely ripped apart if they didn’t. Wearing that kind of mask for so long . . . it had a way of changing people until they weren’t quite sure who they were supposed to be anymore. Taeyeon was no exception. She loved her job and would always feel nothing but gratitude and love for the fans that had enabled her to be where she was, and she wouldn’t trade it for anything, but the negative aspects of the showbiz had impacted her heavily. She knew that her boyfriend was the same. She was sure that all idols had struggled with the feeling, that loss of identity.
Feeling more serious at the turn of thoughts, she continued watching as Leeteuk-oppa explained that as soon as Heechul-oppa had entered the office, he’d begun wondering how he could pass by the counseling session and show less of himself. Although his attitude was calm, Taeyeon couldn’t help feeling sad at his words. It was almost like some part of Leeteuk-oppa was afraid to reveal who he really was.
Her gaze was fixed intently on the screen as her boyfriend began to speak again. “These days, I’ve been tired because . . .” He trailed off, his expression almost nostalgic. “I just . . .”
Taeyeon felt her heart drop a little. He looked almost uncertain to her, could he be fishing for words?
But . . . why? She’d hardly ever seen her boyfriend rendered speechless, especially in television. He was a natural entertainer, humorous and charming and witty. It might be a little difficult to voice some of his troubles, but the tenuous, shaky air about him gave Taeyeon the horrible impression that it was so much more than just that. He looked like if he were a vase, he would be fracturing right at the moment from some heavy, unseen weight.
She’d never seen him like this, except when concerning his family, and she was sure he wouldn’t even begin talking about that here.
The thoughtful and mirthless smile seemed to transform her boyfriend’s entire visage, like it was ripping away the mask the Leeteuk and revealing Park Jungsoo for everyone to see. He bent over, hiding his face from the camera and the doctor, with a desperate and almost incoherent, “A moment, please”. He was trying hard to keep his tone light, but the distress in his voice was too painfully obvious, and Taeyeon’s heart fell to somewhere beneath the soles of her feet. What had gotten him so emotional so quickly? Especially someone like Leeteuk-oppa, who tended to hide his truly serious sentiments, and was actually good at it?
Leeteuk-oppa sat up, his gaze fixed on the ceiling and avoiding the doctor’s eyes. Taeyeon would have guessed that he was feeling embarrassed if not for the fact that she was so utterly confused at his sudden and steady rush of sadness. For just a second, he looked like he was fighting to control himself, to keep his composure.
“For several reasons . . .” Leeteuk-oppa tried again, but again he trailed off, and suddenly, he was dabbing at his eyes, and Taeyeon realized he was really, truly, crying.
She watched the rest of the episode in a dazed stupor, unable to get over the fact that Leeteuk-oppa had been going through such a hard time. She was his girlfriend of four years, his close friend of seven years. And he’d never said a word about her to this. He’d never admitted to her that he was struggling so much, that he felt that as the leader of Super Junior, he couldn’t complain, couldn’t show weakness, had to pretend to be strong even when he wasn’t. And because of that, he was alone and stressed, with absolutely nothing and no one to lean on for comfort.
And Taeyeon hadn’t known. Anything. At all.
Teukkie-oppa had definitely showed strong emotion with her before. The problem wasn’t that he shut her out completely, because he didn’t. He was very open with his thoughts and feelings when he thought the situation was appropriate, as it was with her – his girlfriend.
Or so Taeyeon thought, but now . . . she wasn’t sure. Such a significant issue, something that was bothering him so much for so long, and he hadn’t told her about it. In fact, when she’d asked him recently, just a week ago, if he ever felt stressed, admitting that she did several times, he had laughed it off. “You know me, Taeyeon,” he’d said with a laugh – a goddamned laugh. “I’m a workaholic, work is the best thing I can do for myself.”
Except on Super TV, he’d said that work was becoming hard for him. He’d lied to her.
He hadn’t trusted her enough to confide in her.
Feeling her ire rise at the realization, Taeyeon stood. Unlike most other people, her anger wasn’t usually fiery and destructive and flaring. It was cold, gradual, and almost stony, and she felt it stirring now in the pit of her stomach; that hard, stern, grim feeling slowly making itself known, lodging itself somewhere inside her.
Just as well. She and Teukkie-oppa had planned to meet at his house today and spend a few weeks there together. They liked to switch, sometimes staying in his house and sometimes in hers, and very rarely did they live apart. Taeyeon had only been staying at her apartment for two days to clean it before dust started to accumulate; she was headed back to her boyfriend’s house tonight, for who knew how long.
Convenient.
And she was not going to let Jungsoo-oppa get away with not being honest with her, even if she had to wring an explanation from him.
Taeyeon wondered for a second if her reaction was too much, too angry. Shouldn’t her instinct be to comfort her boyfriend in his distress, not scold him?
Then she realized that she wanted to embrace him and tell him that she would always be here for him just as much as she wanted to berate him for his lying to her. The fact somehow heightened her irritation. She should be angry, she decided. She had the right to be. She’d never held anything back from Leeteuk-oppa, and she had thought he did the same for her, but it looked like she was the only one between them.
If he felt that he couldn’t confide everything to her . . . Taeyeon paused at the thought. It would hurt, she realized. She would be upset, and it would hurt. But she knew she would have accepted it, eventually. People changed, after all, and she knew too well that opening up to others was difficult, even when they were your friends.
No. That wasn’t what was the problem.
What really angered her was the fact that he wasn’t forthcoming with her, when she’d always been forthcoming with him.
If he really feels that he can’t be open with me, all he had to do was tell me, she seethed. It’s so easy. He shouldn’t have just . . . lied.
Her phone vibrated on the stand next to her, startling Taeyeon out of her unpleasant thoughts. She pressed the power button and her lock screen flared to life in front of her. It was a picture that had been taken in 2009, when Taeyeon and her groupmates had first had the pleasure of meeting the Super Junior members. Her group and the active members of SuJu had all taken a commemorative photograph together, and Taeyeon, a professional fangirl, had made it her lock screen.
Said photograph usually made her smile, but at the moment, she couldn’t help it when her eyes briefly settled on SuJu’s angelic leader, smiling up at her from the screen. Her brows plunged with annoyance, and she tore her gaze away to focus instead on the text message notification.
It was from Jungsoo-oppa.
‘Taeyeon, do you think you could come over a little bit earlier?’
Under normal circumstances, Taeyeon would have beamed. As close as they were, Jungsoo-oppa still made her heart flutter at times. It was something about him, from his caring nature to his gentle demeanor to his very kind, very loving heart, that she found incredibly attractive and unique to only him.
But at the moment, she was more than a little bit pissed off, and the only facial expression she could summon was a wry twist of her lips that was something between a grim smile and an outright grimace.
Going over to his house a little earlier doesn’t seem so bad, she thought. It gives me more time to talk this out with this bastard.
Grabbing a piece of bread to eat before leaving, and sinking her teeth into it, leaving it dangling in the air with only her mouth to hold it in place, Taeyeon texted back.
‘That’s fine Oppa. I’m done packing, I’ll be there in thirty minutes’
To chew your ass out.
The reply was immediate; clearly, her boyfriend was holding the phone like she was, staring at the screen and waiting for a response.
‘Thanks Taeyeon. You’re always so good to me. I love you, see you soon’
I love you.
Taeyeon cursed when she felt her heart pounding as she processed the message. I love you. It was a text – just a text – but she could practically hear Jungsoo-oppa’s voice whispering to her. She could see, clear as day, the way he’d flash at her that angelic smile and the skin of his cheek would pucker, revealing that adorable dimple. The way he’d brush their noses together and look at her with those awestricken eyes, like he couldn’t believe she was actually there. The way he liked to pull her flush against him as they snuggled together, molding their bodies into one, his arms wrapped around her waist and his fingers tracing soft, loving circles over the skin of her palm. All those cliché stories about fireworks exploding in one’s stomach, the stories that had made Taeyeon scoff before she met Jungsoo-oppa, were true after all. If you had the right person, those fireworks went off all the time.
She’d parted on good terms with all her past significant others, but none of them held a candle to her current boyfriend. She loved him more than she’d ever loved anyone, and that was why the situation made her so angry.
Nevertheless, she texted back:
‘I love you too <3’
She couldn’t deny that she did. Even the fact that she was angry at him was only because she loved him. Dammit.
With those unpleasant thoughts in mind, she finished shoving a few sweaters and jeans into her suitcase and made sure that everything was in order, double checking the faucets, the plugs, and the lights. Once she was sure that nothing would go up in flames during her absence, Taeyeon grabbed her suitcase and left the house.
The bus ride over to the area of the Han River, next to which Jungsoo-oppa’s apartment was located, was filled with tension. At least, that was what Taeyeon felt. She couldn’t stop thinking of ways she would approach the topic; she didn’t want to appear to aggressive. She understood that Jungsoo-oppa was busy, and as pleasant as he might be on television, she knew he could be ill-tempered like any other human being. But every time she imagined trying to bring up the issue calmly, she always ended up losing her temper.
Taeyeon sighed, giving up and staring blankly out the window as the cars passed by. I’ll just go with the flow, I suppose. She had always had a fair bit of spontaneity to her, and in her experience, it didn’t go away even when it came to her relationships. She couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I guess the outcome of my talk with Oppa will answer that.
~
She rang the doorbell, and the door was open in less than five seconds. She did have a spare key that he’d given her, as he had a spare key she’d given him, but she usually just liked the feeling of her boyfriend opening his door to let her into his living space, and although she was still seething, Taeyeon’s habits died hard, it seemed.
Seeing Jungsoo-oppa’s face peering out from inside his apartment, Taeyeon couldn’t decide if it abated or fed her anger. Maybe both, and that wasn’t even logically possible.
Her first instinct was to hug him, and when his words to the doctor – “I think I just felt so lonely” – flashed through her mind again, that desire doubled. It was so strong that as she stepped into the apartment and took off her shoes, she could practically feel some invisible, magnetic pull tugging insistently at her, and it was dragging her toward her boyfriend. She all but teetered on her toes from the effort it took not to throw herself into his arms.
Luckily, the scampering of paws stole her attention from Jungsoo-oppa, and Taeyeon squatted to scoop Shimkoong into her arms, cooing as the small dog licked her all over her face, occasionally expressing her excitement in loud, sharp barks. Taeyeon had to laugh as she pressed a kiss to the dog’s nose, fondness rushing over her and momentarily sweeping away her dissatisfaction at the man standing at her shoulder. She pointedly ignored him.
Teukkie-oppa really didn’t seem to mind; the security that came with being in a long-term relationship, past the point of needless worrying about the other person’s every action. He just gave her that angelic smile and pressed a kiss to her cheek before taking her suitcase. “Go on and get comfortable, Taeyeon-ah,” he said. “I’ll unpack your stuff. I already know where you like your things to go anyway.” Another smile, and he was off, lugging her suitcase behind him.
Damn him, Taeyeon thought. It was simultaneously easier and harder to keep up her ire at her boyfriend with his sweet yet careless display of affection. As Leeteuk-oppa walked away down the hall, her suitcase in his hands, Taeyeon felt her heart clench tightly with both affection and resentment.
She loved him so much, she really did. She loved how casually considerate he was, like unpacking everything for her while she relaxed, kicked her feet back, and slacked off was no big deal. Like it was only a natural thing to do. And his lips against her cheek felt so natural, so right. He’d done it hundreds of times before in their four years of dating, and how he always succeeded at thrilling her so much with just a peck on the cheek eluded Taeyeon’s knowledge still.
On the other hand, she was angry. How was it that he had been acting so nonchalant for so long? Super TV aired after it was filmed, which meant Teukkie-oppa had been acting like he was fine around her for at least weeks, and, much more likely from his breakdown, years. How could he be so relaxed and informal while being untruthful with her?
Suddenly, she was more than pissed. Well, she had been more than pissed since watching the broadcast, but now she was furious. Letting Shimkoong down so the dog could scamper off, Taeyeon marched down the hall to Teukkie-oppa’s bedroom, where they slept together while staying at his house. He had already unzipped the suitcase and was starting to organize her clothes. As Taeyeon burst in, Teukkie-oppa was gingerly folding a sweater that she had shoved in as last resort.
Upon her sudden appearance, he looked up, tutting playfully. “Taeyeon, I keep telling you that you have to fold your clothes properly so they don’t get wrinkles.” He gestured to the sweater he had finished folding and placed on his lap, neat and tidy. “See, this is already getting. . .”
It must have been that moment that he fully comprehended that she was actually glaring at him. Concern pooled in his eyes like water into a bowl, pure and clear, and Taeyeon might have teared up feeling the depth of his worry for her if she weren’t absolutely ready to explode at him.
“Are you okay?” Teukkie-oppa asked, standing up and approaching her, folded sweater still in his hands. His face was so full of unadulterated worry . . . and, she noticed, was looking slightly blurry, as if someone had covered her eyes with a thin, transparent film.
Oh.
Taeyeon realized she really was tearing up a little, which shocked her because they weren’t tears of affection at her boyfriend’s sweetness, they were tears of frustration. She wasn’t the type of person to cry when she got angry, never had been, but she had heard somewhere that tears could be the body’s reaction to too much of something. In Taeyeon’s current case, she suspected it was too much fury. She felt like she had too many things to say, and even a million mouths wouldn’t be enough to say all of it. Words jumped from her throat to her tongue to back down her throat, this way and that until she wasn’t even sure what she was trying to tell him anymore. “You should have told me if you weren’t going to open up to me in the first place.” “Was that some sort of show for the broadcast?” “Do you really feel that lonely? You can’t talk to me? You had to go as far as to lie about it?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Fuck. Of all things, that? It was vague, it was confusing, it was stupid. But it was too late to take it back.
Her boyfriend stared at her, having lessened the distance between them to about a half a meter. He was much taller than her, the crown of her head just reaching the bottom of his nose, Taeyeon noted randomly, and not for the first time. She really wished her brain could lay off with reporting to her the most irrelevant of intel at the most ridiculous of times.
“What do you mean? Taeyeon, you look distressed,” Teukkie-oppa noted, studying her face and the tears in her eyes with mild alarm. “Did something happen?”
She was glaring at him, and although it seemed like he didn’t notice, Taeyeon knew at this point that he just wasn’t acknowledging it, focusing instead on the cause of her distress. On his worrying for her distress. Just another way that Jungsoo-oppa was so kind, so considerate, so loving. He was a natural sweetheart, had always been.
He was almost perfect, really. Taeyeon hated it. Hated him.
“You know exactly what I mean,” she said coldly, ignoring his other question. “You were having a hard time. You were going through so much and didn’t say a word to me.”
She meant to stop it there, but once she began, it was as if a dam had broken. Her words were spilling out, and Taeyeon didn’t have the kind of frame of mind to stop them anymore. She felt betrayed. Four years of dating, sure, but more importantly, eight years of friendship. When Taeyeon considered someone a truly close friend, there was really nothing she would hide from them, because she loved and trusted her friends enough to confide her personal matters.
The sometimes-unfortunate side of that was, she expected the same in return. And when that trust was betrayed, like her boyfriend had betrayed it, her ire was swift to come and hard to abate.
“I’m your girlfriend, but more importantly, I’m your friend. I’ve been your friend for years now. I’m supposed to be here for you, just like you’re always here for me. How am I going to do that when you aren’t truthful when we’re together?” Her voice was relatively quiet, as it almost always was when she talked to other people, but her tone reminded herself of jagged, broken glass. She didn’t think it had fully dawned on her just how hurt she felt until she was in front of him and verbalizing, giving him a piece of her mind. Entirely caught up in her anger, Taeyeon couldn’t even be bothered to gauge her boyfriend’s reaction; she was too busy going off.
“You didn’t tell me how stressed and lonely even work was making you feel. I seem to recall you telling me just last week that it was the best thing you could do for yourself.” She stopped to take a breath, and suddenly, she felt bone-tired. Why? Just . . . why did he have to do that? “Why did you lie?” she asked, her voice softer but no less frustrated.
It was obvious that Jungsoo-oppa knew exactly what she was talking about from the way that his gaze fell to the ground. His chest rose and fell slowly as he drew in a deep breath, the way he did when he was either calming himself down or preparing himself for an argument. Although he wasn’t looking at her, Taeyeon got the feeling that he was struggling with something, and it cooled her resentment. Her temperature dropped slightly and she no longer felt the overpowering urge to shout at him, but she was still angry.
But when Jungsoo-oppa gave his reply, looking up to meet her accusing gaze with an unreadable, almost hard expression in his eyes, her outrage sparked to life again.
“I didn’t want you to know.”
“Obviously,” she hissed. What kind of response was that? “But what I want to know is why not? No, it’s more like –why couldn’t you just tell me that you wouldn’t open up to me fully? I would have understood, oppa.”
“I’m sorry.” He didn’t sound sorry at all. His voice was cold, and he stood stone-still in front of her, still holding her folded sweater in front of him. “But there was no need for you to hear about my problems. You’re only twenty-five, Taeyeon.”
She stared at him. That was what this was all about? Sure, their kind of relationship wasn’t exactly common, a ten-year age gap existing between the two of them, but she had asked and Jungsoo-oppa had assured her that he wouldn’t treat her like a child because of it. All of the Super Junior members, whom Taeyeon was acquainted to or even close with, were in their thirties, but she had never felt intimidated for being younger, nor did she feel like the age gap made them difficult to understand or relate to. They always said it was because she was just as much an adult, enough to be comfortable with them, though Taeyeon was of the opinion that they were all just human. Age was just a number, and someone being ten years older than you didn’t make them some alien species.
She had many friends that were a fair bit older than her, and no one treated her like a helpless child because of it. And now Jungsoo-oppa was contradicting everything he’d told her before – that he was grateful for her maturity because he honestly got tired of acting like a mother to all the other members sometimes, that he was so lucky to have met a woman like her who could listen to and understand his troubles – and now he was saying he hadn’t told her because she was “only twenty-five”?
“Bullshit,” Taeyeon said softly. “You’re telling me that you kept this from me because you think I’m too young to deal with it? After all your big words about how thankful you are that you can confide everything to me?” She raised her hand, gripping the material of the sleeve of his loose gray sweater in her fingers, squeezing hard in an attempt to contain her surging fury at the ridiculousness of his logic. “Do you really think I’m going to take that?”
Leeteuk-oppa moved so fast that her eyes couldn’t follow him. One minute, she was clutching the sleeve of his sweater, and the next minute, he’d yanked his arm away, leaving her fingers curled around nothing but empty air. It took Taeyeon a second to realize he was glaring at her, resentment burning in his eyes.
“I just – I’m just tired. I’m just tired, Taeyeon. I’m exhausted of all this stress, all this faking of my confidence, all this bullshit. I don’t need you involved in my problems.” He raked a hand viciously through his dyed brown hair, his volume increasing by the second. “Is that so hard for you to understand and leave me alone? Is it too much to ask that you stop sticking your nose in my business and give me some goddamned privacy? Fuck!” He threw her sweater across the room in one furious motion and shoved past her, storming out of the room and slamming the door behind him with a resounding bang. Then the sound of his footsteps storming down the hall echoed through the apartment.
He’s probably irritating all the neighbors, Taeyeon thought faintly as she stared at the wall, so shocked that she didn’t even feel surprised, if that was possible. She just felt numb, Leeteuk-oppa’s sudden outburst completely rendering her immobile and unsure of how to react. He’d never just . . . exploded like that before.
He’d never said that he wanted her to “stop sticking her nose in his business”.
Did he really . . . did her concern for him really annoy him that much?
Almost absentmindedly, Taeyeon shook her head, trying to clear the muddle of disbelief that was fogging her brain, but regardless of what she did, she couldn’t erase his voice from her mind.
“Is it too much to ask that you stop sticking your nose in my business and give me some goddamned privacy?”
She took a deep breath and pulled herself out of her trance, looking around blankly to see her sweater in a crumpled heap on the ground. She knelt to pick it up, brushed the wrinkles out of it, and re-folded it, as Leeteuk-oppa had done so gingerly just minutes before.
(There was a dreadful pang in her stomach. She ignored it.)
Still not quite sure what to make of the whole situation, Taeyeon knelt by her unzipped suitcase and started to pull the rest of the clothes out, throwing them carelessly into her boyfriend’s closet. It wasn’t until she was more than halfway through that she realized that Leeteuk-oppa had really exploded at her. It was far from the first time she had seen him angry or upset, but it was the first time he’d lost his temper so utterly, going as far as shouting and throwing things and storming out of rooms.
And it was the first time he’d said something so hurtful to her.
“Is it too much to ask that you stop sticking your nose in my business and give me some goddamned privacy?”
Fine.
Fine. She took a deep breath. Fine. If he really wanted to be like that, if he really wanted to be angry at her for being concerned about him, then two could play the game.
~
Things were painfully awkward from then on. Taeyeon stayed cooped up in Leeteuk-oppa’s room, sitting on his chair and jotting down more lyrics for the song she was working on. She never left it, since thankfully there was an adjoining bathroom, but outside, she could hear her boyfriend. It sounded like he was making something, presumably for dinner, and occasionally, he seemed to be cooing at Shimkoong. Despite it all, Taeyeon caught herself about to smile. Leeteuk-oppa was always the cutest when it came to his dog; he had so much tenderness to offer. He always had.
She pressed her lips harshly together to keep them from curling upwards, focusing once again on her lyrics. She had scribbled down another two verses when her stomach growled.
Glancing at her phone, Taeyeon saw that it was nearly six o’clock; around the time that she usually ate. Leeteuk-oppa had promised to prepare something big for dinner tonight, since they hadn’t seen each other in about two weeks, too busy with their respective schedules, but she really didn’t think that was relevant anymore. From the sounds of his cooking, it didn’t seem like he was making a big meal, anyway.
Ignoring the iron mallet banging about in her gut at the thought of the discord between them, Taeyeon decided she would have to eat out for today. She grabbed her purse, which she had set on Leeteuk-oppa’s bed earlier, made sure her wallet was inside, and opened the room door.
Her boyfriend didn’t look up at she walked by him, heading for the front door, and she refused to look at him too. They ignored each other, both too prideful to let it show that their argument was hurting them, although they both knew it was true.
Forgoing any mode of transportation and deciding to just walk to the convenience store near Leeteuk-oppa’s house, where they often went together to buy food, Taeyeon breathed the cool, crisp air of the night into her lungs, wishing she didn’t have to wear the face mask to conceal her identity.
The walk was therapeutic and gave her the chance to clear her head, which she made full use of. Taeyeon couldn’t deny that she was still pissed by how Jungsoo-oppa had snapped, by what he’d said. He rarely lost his temper like that, and it had never been directed at her. Especially not something so scathing, so cruel.
“Is it too much to ask that you stop sticking your nose in my business and give me some goddamned privacy?”
Was that it? That was what angered him so much? He was tired of her apparently being nosy? He wanted her to mind her own business? A lump clogged Taeyeon’s throat at the thought.
They were friends, weren’t they? They were in a romantic relationship, weren’t they? So how could he expect her to just not worry about his problems?
She remembered the several times over the years that she had confided her worries to him; worries about her upcoming works, worries about her group’s future, worries about her friends, confessions about her depression and what fueled it. He’d been so caring, so sweet, so comforting, listening diligent to everything she had to say and offering solace and advice. All those times, had he only been pretending to be concerned? Could he not really care less after all? Had her openness really been irritating to him, all that time? When she was telling him her vulnerabilities, her insecurities, had he only been annoyed?
The thought was not a pleasant one, and not one that Taeyeon cared to contemplate much longer. She violently thrust it from her mind, leaving to crash to the ground and shatter to bits that scattered all over the pavement, rolling into the sewer, being grinded under the heels of others. He couldn’t have just been annoyed with her for all those years. No. No. It was an idea that was too heartbreaking and too utterly insulting for her to stomach.
She opened the door of the convenience store, feeling bone-tired and forty years older than her actual age. Thankfully, no one looked her way or noticed who she was.
Wondering if she should stock up in case the argument with her boyfriend dragged out, Taeyeon grabbed a shopping basket from the stack at the front of the store. She made her way up and down the aisles, picking up two packs of kimbap, a box of danpatbbang, a pack of dumplings, and two packs of samanco, her favorite type of ice cream. Regardless of how angry he was, she knew Jungsoo-oppa wouldn’t go as far as kicking her out. That would be admitting that their disagreement had affected him, and he always had too much pride to do that. And Taeyeon wouldn’t be seeing herself out either. That meant the same thing, and she, too, intended to save face.
Paying for her items and leaving the store with the shopping bag in hand, Taeyeon found herself wondering, against her will, how long their argument would drag on. Frankly, Teuk-oppa was not often the person to instigate making up after a fight. More often than not, it was Taeyeon who had to approach him.
Should she do that this time? She loved him; she wasn’t sure she could ever stop loving him, having come so far. It bothered her so much, in all honesty, when they were in the middle of a disagreement so serious. She hadn’t wanted to argue. She just wanted to talk it out with him and reach some sort of consensus. Maybe she could do that? Maybe they could try?
“Is it too much to ask that you stop sticking your nose in my business and give me some goddamned privacy?”
Taeyeon stiffened. All at once, her concerns came flooding back to her, impossible to breach and impossible to disregard. Did Jungsoo-oppa really wish she wouldn’t confide in him so much? Did he really see her concern as that much of a nuisance? Did he really see her as that much of a nuisance?
She stopped, staring in front of her at the apartment complex that was soaring into the sky. Suddenly, it seemed so hostile, so unwelcoming. Why would she go back there? She would only be returning to the man she loved, the man who apparently saw what she had perceived as the emotional intimacy of their relationship as nothing but an irritation. She’d wanted to protect her pride, pretend like everything was fine and that she wasn’t affected at all by their argument, but the thought of staying in the same place with Jungsoo-oppa right now seemed too unbearable. She couldn’t stomach it. The ice cream would melt, but she couldn’t care less.
Her decision made, Taeyeon spun on her heel and hurried away.
~
She didn’t come back into the apartment until it was 11:34 P.M., having eaten one pack of kimbap on the park bench, taken a walk around said park, going to the library, and writing more lyrics until the building closed, then walking around the park some more, stalling. Assuming Jungsoo-oppa was asleep and by extension, that she was taking the couch, Taeyeon reached his door and unlocked it with her spare key, trying to be quiet. The grocery bag dangled from her arm.
Opening the door and peering inside, she saw, with surprise, that the lights were still on. Jungsoo-oppa, in his never-ending meticulousness, always made sure to turn off all lights before going to sleep, which could only mean that he wasn’t in bed yet. But wasn’t he tired from all his schedules? Although she was still angry at him, and now, more than that, unsure about such an important aspect of their relationship, Taeyeon still felt a flash of concern. Leeteuk-oppa needed rest. He had a precious few days off and she wasn’t going to let him squander them.
Slipping inside and closing and locking the door behind her, Taeyeon peeked around the apartment. Everything was silent – even Shimkoong must be sleeping. Had Leeteuk-oppa fallen asleep accidentally, perhaps? Gingerly placing the groceries on the counter, she crept down the hall to his room and cracked the door open.
The space was somewhat dim, with only the lamp on Leeteuk-oppa’s desk casting substantial light across the room. Still, it was more than enough for Taeyeon to make out her boyfriend sitting on the bed, looking forlorn. His head was bowed, making his gaze fall probably somewhere on the floor between his knees, and his hands were slumped listlessly on his thighs. He was still wearing the sweater, T-shirt, and jeans that he had been in when she left the apartment.
Was he dozing off? If he fell asleep like that, he would most certainly be having neck pains tomorrow morning.
“Oppa?” Taeyeon called softly.
He raised his head and glanced at her. As their eyes met, he was on his feet in an instant, but he didn’t look angry. He looked relieved. “Taeyeon.” His voice rasped, like he hadn’t used it in a long time.
Taeyeon slid carefully in through the small gap she had made and closed the door softly behind her. They needed to talk. She needed to clarify what he’d really meant. If he truly saw her concern as annoying, then she . . . she wasn’t sure what she would do. Accept it? End their relationship? How could she stay with him knowing that he found hearing her concerns irritating and pointless? But how could she just end it? She loved him so, so much, and the thought of cutting things between them . . . it hurt more than she’d like to admit. It hurt too much.
But she didn’t want to be someone who clung pathetically to a man who didn’t love her as much as she did him. She deserved better than that.
Taeyeon approached her boyfriend until they were roughly half a meter apart. Jungsoo-oppa said nothing – he just stared at her. Was that really relief in his eyes; was the light tricking her, or her own wishful thinking?
“Oppa,” she said, “We need to talk.”
The flash of panic in his gaze was too vivid, too stark, to crisp and clear, to be a trick of the light, Taeyeon thought. That was all she had time to think before Jungsoo-oppa hugged her. The only word to describe his movements was desperate. His arms were desperate as they pulled her into his embrace, his fingers were desperate as they clutched at her back, and his entire demeanor screamed desperation as he buried his face in the crook of her neck.
Taeyeon didn’t move, too shocked at the sudden change. It was Jungsoo-oppa who spoke first.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. No, it almost sounded like a whimper, also, filled with desperation. “I’m sorry. I love you. I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Unsure of what to do, Taeyeon raised her arms and wrapped them around him, rubbing his back in soothing strokes. Rarely was Jungsoo-oppa this clingy, this fervent, but when he was, he required attention and love. And as upset as she still was at him, she was more than willing to give it.
“It’s okay,” she murmured. “I’m here, oppa. It’s alright.”
They stayed like that for a few minutes before her boyfriend slowly released her. Taeyeon attempted a sympathetic smile and took his hand in her own, sitting on the mattress and tugging gently so Jungsoo-oppa followed suit.
“I don’t know what came over me,” Jungsoo-oppa whispered as he sat. “I was just . . . today was exhausting, and I . . . I lost my temper.” He looked at her, meeting her eyes, and she could see the genuine apology in his gaze. He looked fragile, tremulous. Almost scared. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout. I didn’t . . . I didn’t mean any of it.”
It dawned on Taeyeon just then what all this meant, why her boyfriend had been clinging to her like his heart would stop if he let up for even a second: she had been gone for too long. He probably thought that she had ditched him in her anger, and that he’d really screwed up. That he’d really, truly upset her this time, maybe irrevocably. There was a pang in her chest, and suddenly, her anger could wait.
“It’s okay,” she assured him, taking his face in her hands, running her thumbs under his eyes. He was so handsome. He looked so afraid, so sorry. Her heart constricted.
“It’s okay,” Taeyeon repeated, again and again until some of the shame in Jungsoo-oppa’s eyes had abated. Only then did she drop her hands from his face, but she didn’t let them completely leave him. Instead, she clasped his hands in her own, trying to reassure him as she repeated, “We need to talk.”
Jungsoo-oppa swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “You’re right,” he said. “You’re right, Taeyeon. I mean . . . you were right to be angry. I . . .” He looked down at their joined hands and idly traced small, sweet circles over the skin of her palm with his thumb. “I’ve been lying to you. About work.” He looked back up at her, clearly hesitant.
“. . . I don’t even know when it began, but one day I realized . . . I was just tired. I thought I loved my job so much, and I do, but I was tired. Once I realized that, everything . . . it was all harder. I didn’t want to let anyone know, because I didn’t want anyone to worry. I’m the leader; I can’t make the other members share my burdens just because I can’t bear them. They already have plenty of their own.”
“And me?” Taeyeon asked softly. “Why didn’t you say anything to me?” She wasn’t angry anymore, but she wanted to hear his reasons.
Jungsoo-oppa lowered his head again, as if in shame. His voice was small when he finally said, “I didn’t want you to think I was weak.” He glanced at her, and she saw that his eyes were teary. “I thought if I said anything to you, you would think that I was being stupid – that I couldn’t even handle my own career. That I was laughable. It’s a job I chose, and I shouldn’t be feeling like this. It is stupid, I know, but . . . I was so lonely, and I wanted to tell you, but I just – ” His voice broke, and he let out a sob that yanked Taeyeon’s heartstrings painfully. Seeing him like this . . . she could feel tears gathering in her own eyes, too.
“Sorry,” Jungsoo-oppa whispered, wiping his eyes quickly. “I’m sorry, Taeyeon. You didn’t need to see this. I shouldn’t – ”
“Listen,” Taeyeon ordered, and though she didn’t sound at all authoritative because she was on the verge of tears too, she was going to give him a piece of her mind.
“You’re ridiculous. Do you really think you’re weak just because you feel stressed and overwhelmed like any other human being?” She wiped furiously at her eyes, but it was no use; she really was beginning to cry. “Do you really think it makes you laughable to have vulnerabilities and open up about them? I’m here for you. I’m with you, oppa – I’ll always be with you. Don’t you dare think otherwise.”
The tears were streaming down her cheeks now, but she could see and hear that Jungsoo-oppa was crying, too. With nothing left to say, Taeyeon opened her arms, and he sank into her embrace, his face buried in her neck and his head tucked under her chin. Taeyeon could feel his body shaking with the force of his sobs – or was that her? Or both of them?
“I love you,” she whispered. “That won’t ever change, especially not because of this.”
He didn’t reply, but he didn’t need to; the way he relaxed in her arms, unraveling and letting himself be at his most vulnerable in front of her, was more than enough response for her to know that he understood.
~
They lay cuddled in the bed facing each other, Taeyeon’s face pressed snugly against Jungsoo-oppa’s chest. His arms were wrapped securely around her waist, and one of her hands was in his hair, idly toying with the dark brown locks. God, she thought as he rubbed her back in a soothing fashion, I love you.
“I love you,” Jungsoo-oppa murmured. She felt his lips press against the crown of her head. Suddenly craving his lips against hers – they hadn’t actually kissed the entire time she’d gotten to his apartment – Taeyeon tilted her chin upward and pressed her lips to his.
She meant it to be just a sweet, chaste kiss, to reassure herself and reassure him that everything was fine now, that everything was good now, but Jungsoo-oppa cupped a hand against the nape of her neck, brushing away strands of her hair, and deepened the kiss, turning it from just a press of lips to a slotting of his mouth against hers. He was almost insistent as his teeth closed gently around her lower lip, and suddenly, Taeyeon felt heat pool in her stomach. Involuntarily, she let out a breathy gasp.
She felt his tongue slide across the seam of her lips, his request obvious. Her temperature rising by the second and her veins thrumming in excitement, Taeyeon had no reason to refuse, and every reason to accept. She parted her lips to give him entry and felt the hot, wet muscle of his tongue sweep the inside of her mouth. No crevice was left untouched, and Taeyeon moaned, fisting her hands in Jungsoo-oppa’s shirt.
He broke the kiss but remained so close that their noses were practically touching. Taeyeon could feel his breath fanning against her face, and she pressed her thighs lightly together in an effort to quench the rising heat between them. “Oppa,” she whispered, her mind fogging over with desire.
The word seemed to set something off inside of him. With a soft, throaty moan, Jungsoo-oppa maneuvered himself onto his back, and his arms wrapped around her waist meant that in doing so, he pulled Taeyeon up on top of him. She found her hands pressed against his chest, her legs open on either side of his waist, and her core . . . it had made contact with that through their clothes, that organ that was still soft but that she could feel beginning to harden. Taeyeon couldn’t help herself – she let out a full moan this time.
Looking down, she saw that Jungsoo-oppa’s eyes were half-lidded, pupils blown wide. “Taeyeon.” His voice sounded half-murmur, half-groan, and Taeyeon’s eyes involuntarily widened as he bucked slightly against her.
Wanting more, she leaned down and captured his lips. They parted almost instantaneously, like he had been waiting for this moment, and his hands snaked upward to land on her waist before the soft tug on fabric let Taeyeon know that he had fisted his fingers in the hem of her sweater. She broke their kiss to look him in the eyes, and his stare was questioning. May I?
Wordlessly, Taeyeon lifted her arms above her head, and getting the hint, Jungsoo-oppa sat up so that they were both upright, although her legs were still wrapped around his waist. He pulled her sweater up and over, exposing the simple white tank-top that she was wearing underneath.
Not intending to be the only one in a state of undress, Taeyeon pulled at his sweater too, and Jungsoo-oppa repeated her motions to help her slide it off of him as well. As she gingerly peeled the fabric from his body, an idea sprang to life in Taeyeon’s mind, and she had to suppress an anticipating smile. She dropped the sweater, wrapped her fingers around the hem of his shirt, and pulled upward, watching with rapture as each inch of skin was exposed to her eyes. Almost in a trance, she ran her fingers over the smooth flesh of his stomach. Against her, she could feel Jungsoo-oppa shiver.
That area between her thighs was all but throbbing now, but with her legs wrapped around Jungsoo-oppa’s waist, Taeyeon couldn’t press them together to relieve the sensation. Instead, she found herself grinding her clothed core against Jungsoo-oppa’s covered cock, gasping. As she rolled her hips gently into him, Jungsoo-oppa’s eyelids pressed together, his lips parting slightly. A groan escaped him, and Taeyeon could feel him hardening further. The knowledge that she was the one eliciting this reaction from him made her bite her lip in an attempt to control herself.
Feebly clinging to the remnants of her composure, Taeyeon couldn’t contain the demanding nature of her body language as she pulled at Jungsoo-oppa’s shirt, her desires obvious. He submitted without resistance, and she could feel his eyes burning into her as she removed the article of clothing.
Feeling almost pinned under Taeyeon’s intent stare, Leeteuk swallowed. Her gaze was hungry as it raked over his body, like she wanted to take all of him into herself and keep him there forever. Hazily, he thought that that wouldn’t be so bad, not at all. That if she wanted him to, he would willingly give himself to her without a moment’s hesitation.
Taeyeon met his gaze only briefly, taking note of his wide eyes, his lust-blown pupils, before her focus shifted lower; over his defined chest to the muscles rippling in his arms to his flat, packed stomach. Unconsciously, her tongue darted out, dragging over her bottom lip as she briefly let her eyes feast.
Tossing Jungsoo-oppa’s shirt somewhere off to the side, she placed her hands on his chest and gently pushed him down so he was laying on his back, his head on the pillow. Jungsoo-oppa followed her non-verbal commands, but she could feel his fingers tightening around her waist. His gaze still drank her in like she was his last drop of water in the midst of a desert, but she could see curiosity there too now.
Taeyeon lovingly, slowly, pulled Jungsoo-oppa’s hands from around her hips and lay them on the mattress. Never breaking eye contact with him, she crept down his body until her face hovered above the waistband of his jeans.
Realization flared. Jungsoo’s lips parted as another whimper escaped – Taeyeon’s intentions were obvious, and they had blood rushing to his cock just thinking about them. He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to ignore the sensation of his hardening, trying to resist the urge to buck his hips and plead for her to hurry.
His body jerked as something too warm and too broad to be fingers closed over the zipper of his jeans. Cracking his eyelids open, he was met with a sight that had his head snapping back against the pillow and a desperate moan falling from his lips: Taeyeon, staring up at him salaciously, her full lips taking the zipper into her mouth and pulling it down. He closed his eyes for the thousandth time, but he couldn’t rid his mind of that dirty image, already fully ingrained into his memory.
The tent in his pants was unmistakable and rising. Taeyeon smirked, wrapping her fingers around the waistband of his pants. Probably realizing what she was trying to do, Jungsoo-oppa stirred and raised himself to his elbows. “Let me,” he said, considerate as usual, but his voice was thick and his gaze was clouded over with lust.
Taeyeon stopped him gently. “No, oppa.” Her voice was firm. “Tonight is all for you.”
Jungsoo could practically feel the endorphins secreted into his bloodstream and pumping through his system at her words. She loved him – she loved him, she wanted to satisfy him, she wanted to make him feel good, and no drug could be more addicting than that knowledge. He groaned, falling back onto the mattress. “Don’t just say things like that, Taeyeon.”
Her only response was a hum before she pulled, tugging his jeans down. Jungsoo dragged in a breath as he felt the waistband of his pants brush over his cock, but he managed not to make any more sound. Trying desperately to remain still and quiet, he fisted his hands in the bedsheet as Taeyeon tugged his jeans down over his thighs, then his knees, then his feet. There was a soft rustle of fabric as she dropped the article of clothing onto the ground in front of the bed. He heard her inhale slowly and looked up at her to find her staring at the mortifyingly obvious tent pressing up against the skin-tight fabric of his boxers. (And he was certain that there was a wet spot from his pre-cum.) A part of him expected her to tease, but she didn’t say anything. Somehow, that made him more on edge.
And it felt euphoric.
Jungsoo shuddered lightly as he felt Taeyeon’s fingers around the fabric of his underwear, peeling it off. He sighed with relief at the release of pressure as his cock was freed from the constraints of the material.
Taeyeon stared down at her boyfriend, drinking in the sight of him in all his glory. He looked ethereal and inhuman; his head thrown back in the pillow, his long neck arching beautifully, to his muscled shoulders, long and strong arms, his rippling abdominals, and his toned legs. But what most drew her eye at the moment was the deep V of his hips tapering down to his cock, the tip glistening with gathering wetness.
He was well on his way to being fully hard, she noted appreciatively.
Jungsoo-oppa had stored pent-up tension inside him for several days on end by now, and it was Taeyeon’s intention to make sure he was fully relieved of it by the end of their activities. Locking her eyes on his face, she wrapped her fingers around the base of his cock. The organ was warm and instantly hardened further at her touch. His lips parted in a silent groan, his eyes squeezed shut as he basked in the sensation of her hand on him. And when she swiped her thumb over the head, his hips bucked. “Taeyeon.” His voice was breathless, almost strangled, and all but moaning.
“You can’t get so excited yet, oppa.” Taeyeon was practically purring, like a satisfied cat that had gotten exactly what she wanted – which, Jungsoo thought, gritting his teeth – she probably had. Gazing up at her through strained eyes, it wasn’t until that moment that it dawned on him that he was completely naked, on full display for her gaze, and she was still clothed, still in a tank top, a bra, jeans, and underwear. Jungsoo growled, low and soft. He wanted to rip her clothes off and drink in the sight of her body like she was with him, hold her down and push his cock inside her, slowly and sensually so she felt every –
She moved back up and stole his attention again, flattening her hands gingerly on his chest, supporting most of her weight on her legs placed on either side of his waist. Even through her clothes, Jungsoo could feel heat radiating from her core, searing and impossible to ignore. Desperate, his cock pulsing, he rolled his hips upward in an attempt to make contact, but she let out a disapproving tsk-tsk and moved away, removing her right leg from its perch and putting it next to her left so that she was no longer straddling him.
“Oppa.” Her voice was chiding, casual and innocent, like she wasn’t in the middle of teasing him to the brink of his sanity. A guttural moan escaped Jungsoo as she chastised, “If you won’t control yourself, I’ll stop.” She stroked his head softly, long, slender fingers sifting through his hair. The soothing sensation of petting on his scalp was a sharp contrast to the throbbing in his cock, and Jungsoo was sure that if she didn’t relieve him soon, he’d be in pain from being so hard.
“I won’t indulge a spoiled brat,” Taeyeon continued. “Understand?” Almost idly, she traced an index finger down the length of his cock and, powerless to resist, Jungsoo hissed out in agreement. He didn’t think he could speak for the arousal overflowing in his stomach, between his legs, engulfing his entire body, but Taeyeon wasn’t satisfied. Her finger came to rest on the very head of his cock, directly on the slit. “Pardon?”
The groan that fell from his lips sounded desperate, even to himself. “Yes.”
“Good boy.” The words had Jungsoo’s toes curling, his fingers gripping at the bedsheets, almost in agony. Fuck. It wasn’t often that he was submissive in bed, but somehow Taeyeon had caught on quickly just how it made him feel when he was. She shifted on the mattress, and Jungsoo heard the rustle of fabric again. He peered through his lashes to see Taeyeon pulling off her jeans and panties, both at the same time. His gaze fell to her center, hidden in shadow.
Her lower half now naked, Taeyeon placed her right leg back into its previous position on the side of his waist so she was again hovering over him. Even without touching, Jungsoo could tell that she was absolutely soaked.
The touch of her damp folds against the tip of his cock almost felt like an electric shock, as sensitive as she had made him. Jungsoo gasped, his hands instinctively gripping Taeyeon’s waist, but she wasn’t finished. She dragged herself backward a few centimeters, resulting in the top half of the head of his cock tracing the slit of her core, her juices gathering on his tip. A whimper tumbled past Jungsoo’s lips.
“Are you liking that?” Taeyeon’s voice was low, sultry, and fucking addictive, and Jungsoo couldn’t do anything in reply except tighten his grip on her hips, frantic and needy.
“Do you want more?”
“Yes,” he groaned. “Yes.” He was so hard, so desperate, that he was sure he would lose his mind if she didn’t lower herself onto him. Barely managing to focus on her face, Jungsoo found it all too easy to resort to begging when her sweet core was so close, so warm and so inviting. “Please, Taeyeon. More. I need . . . I need it . . .”
“Need more what? I can’t give you anything if I don’t understand what you mean, oppa.”
How could she keep her voice so casual while she was all but flashing her entrance in front of him? Jungsoo tried to reply, to say something, but somehow, the need to have her had become so great that he couldn’t find a way to express it in words.
At his silence, Taeyeon sighed disappointedly and pulled his hands from her waist. Jungsoo’s eyes popped open in shock at her sudden coldness; she couldn’t be –
She is, he realized when she began to shift away from him, reaching for her jeans and panties in a crumpled heap of fabric at the corner of the bed.
“No,” he gasped. “No, wait. Wait a minute.”
He really did sound needy, frantic, pitiful. The knowledge that he had even reached this state of desperation – it might sound strange, but tonight, it aroused Jungsoo even more.
So he gripped her hips before she could move off of him. Taeyeon’s eyes, which had been directed toward her clothes, returned to him, but she didn’t look surprised at all. It was obvious that she knew he would hold on to her, do anything to keep her from stopping. And really, Jungsoo didn’t care. He was past the point of worrying about keeping his pride intact.
“Let me fuck you,” he moaned desperately. Her gaze was unreadable as she looked down at him, and the coldness in her eyes juxtaposed with the blazing heat of her body, it somehow egged him on. “Oh, God, please, just let me fuck you. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t – ”
She lowered herself onto him, guiding his cock into her depths, and Jungsoo threw his head back into the pillow as he felt her warm, wet walls settling around the throbbing organ, taking him in like a second layer of skin. She felt so good, so tight and inviting and soft, and he was half afraid that he would come even before she started moving.
Taeyeon rolled her hips, and Jungsoo dug his nails into the delicate flesh under his hands, all sense of his dignity lost and no longer mattering. Groans fell from his lips as she fucked herself on his cock, her insides molding deliciously around him, hot, slick, silky soft. She felt so good. Too good.
A moan from Taeyeon had Jungsoo peering up at her, wanting to catch a glimpse of her in the midst of her pleasure – wanting to see the ecstasy that he was giving to her. The sight his eyes fell upon was lovely, ethereal. Taeyeon’s face was flushed, her long, dark hair spilling around her cheeks and down her pale neck and shoulders. Her full lips were parted in a blissful gasp, her eyes closed as if drowning herself in sensation. A strap of her white tank top had fallen down her shoulder, revealing just the tiniest hint of her bra to his eyes.
Practically on instinct, Jungsoo slipped his hands under the flimsy material of her tank top, his fingers creeping over the warm, smooth flesh of her stomach. She was damp with sweat, he realized; they were both damp with sweat, and the thought egged him on. Reaching her chest, Jungsoo hooked his fingers over the material of her bra and pulled it down, watching as her breasts plumped forward against the thin fabric of her shirt.
Without hesitation, he took her breasts in his hands and kneaded them, swiping his thumbs over her rapidly hardening nipples. He just had time to think that the gasp Taeyeon let out at that was like music to his ears before his attention was stolen by the slight twist of her hips. His vision seemed to go out of focus as he moaned at the sudden and intense burst of pleasure.
Unable to control himself any longer despite his earlier resolution to remain still, Jungsoo bucked his hips upward, meeting Taeyeon’s motions halfway. She was already so wet, and he slid out of and thrust back into her easily, the end of his cock pressed against something velvety deep inside her. The result was a burst of satisfaction that had white flaring behind his eyelids. Above him, Taeyeon moaned, and with some degree of smugness, Jungsoo could feel her beginning to tremble against him. Her movements were becoming less calculated and more frantic, aimed at chasing after her completion rather than keeping him in line, and the thought that it was him that was slowly cracking her composure, it sent electric bolts through his veins.
Jungsoo pounded into her harder, hands coming back up to cup her breasts. His fingers circled, touched, and flicked her nipples through the fabric of her shirt, and every whine, every gasp, every sound that his motions elicited from her spurred him onward.
Through his foggy haze of arousal, looking up at Taeyeon as she rode him, her head thrown back and her thighs flexing around him and her mouth gasping for air, it struck Jungsoo again just how sublime she looked. She was ethereal – easily the most beautiful creature that he had ever laid eyes on, and she was willingly giving herself to him, willingly taking him into her folds.
Groaning, his cock swelling, Jungsoo thrust his hips upward, aiming for that spot again while his right hand left Taeyeon’s breast and descended between her legs to thumb her soaked clit.
She leaned, or more aptly, fell, forward towards him so their noses were nearly touching, and Jungsoo could feel her tightening around him as her climax grew ever closer. Encouraged by her raw, primal reaction and wanting fiercely to see her find her end, he maneuvered his hand so he could roll her swollen nub between his thumb and forefinger gently.
Taeyeon all but devoured his lips with her own, her nails digging into the skin of his shoulders as she shook and moaned through their kiss. Jungsoo noticed the tensing of her muscles, the trembling of her body, the intensity of her cries of pleasure, and knew what was coming a second before it happened.
But fuck, did it feel good anyway when it did. Her walls contracted around him almost violently, milking him for all he was worth, and Jungsoo had to break their kiss for the rapturous surge that told him that his orgasm was just barely hovering out of his reach. As Taeyeon rode out her climax, he continued to thrust frantically into her, his entire being focused on reaching that high point that would bring him soaring to heaven, filling her –
Taeyeon reconnected their lips softly, stroking his sweat-damp hair from his face with deft, delicate fingers. Her voice was gentle, but somehow through the roaring in his ears, Jungsoo heard her with perfect clarity as she whispered those three words.
“Come for me.”
Helpless to do anything but obey, Jungsoo felt his entire body shuddering beneath her warm, reassuring weight as he found his completion, spilling inside Taeyeon’s searing heat. The cry of bliss that ripped through the night air was desperate and satisfied and pleading all at once, and it wasn’t until he began to come down from his high, trembling and clinging to Taeyeon for dear life, that Jungsoo realized it was his own wail of pleasure that had permeated his hearing.
They remained still for a moment as they caught their breath, their panting loud and clear against the renewed peace of the late hour. Her breathing still heavy, Taeyeon shifted off of Jungsoo-oppa. She sighed a little at the loss of him inside her, but overall, her body was tingling with the pleasant aftershocks of orgasm, the area between her thighs was wet and warm with both their essence, and she felt more than satisfied.
Glancing down at her boyfriend, she couldn’t help but smile; his eyes had fluttered closed, traces of the blissed-out expression from his orgasm still noticeable on his angelic visage. Burrowing next to him and pulling the blanket over their naked bodies, Taeyeon propped herself onto her elbows and ran her index finger idly over the seam of his lips, still swollen from their earlier kiss. At her touch, Jungsoo-oppa opened his eyes, his expression soft.
“I love you.” He still sounded the slightest bit breathless, but nothing could possibly have been more sincere, she was sure. She felt affection swell in her chest as he turned on his side towards her and pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. Taeyeon hummed, appreciating the sensation of his soft lips against her skin. “I love you too.” I mean it. She didn’t know how she could express the complete honesty of her words – she didn’t know what she could do to make him understand just how much he meant to her. ‘I love you’ was such a common phrase, and before Jungsoo-oppa, it had never been one that elicited any sort of appropriately moving feelings in her. With him, though, she understood just how special ‘I love you’ could be – and yet, it still didn’t feel like enough to let him know the depth of her feelings toward him.
Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, Taeyeon saw that it was nearly 12:30 in the morning. There was no time to replace the sheets, but she could at least try to prevent them from getting too dirty. Squishing Jungsoo-oppa’s face gently between her hands, she kissed the tip of his nose, more for her own pleasure than as any display of affection. It just satisfied her to be able to do these little things with him. “I’m going to take a shower. You can come if you want, to save time.”
He smiled sheepishly and swiped a hand across his forehead, still glistening with sweat from their bedroom activities. “Now that you mention it, that would be prudent,” he admitted, reaching up and brushing a strand of her hair away from her eyes.
Taeyeon slid out of the bed, her eyes on Jungsoo-oppa’s closet into which she had carelessly thrown her clothes earlier. A T-shirt and shorts should be good enough to change into for bed, she thought as her two feet touched down on the floor, wincing a little bit to feel some of the essence that Jungsoo-oppa had emptied inside her earlier sliding down her naked thighs. They’d have to do some cleaning tomorrow, she was sure.
“Taeyeon.”
That was Jungsoo-oppa. She stopped and glanced back at him to see that he had sat up in the bed and was looking at her. But he wasn’t meeting her eyes. He wasn’t even looking over her body, clothed only in a flimsy tank top and nothing else, with that glazed look of wonder that she often saw on his face. No, he was staring straight at the place between her legs, where his seed was dripping from inside her, and his dark brown eyes looked almost black. She couldn’t tell if it was lust or just a trick of the light, but then he suddenly stood in all his unclothed glory, grabbing her forearm insistently, although nowhere enough to hurt.
The change in demeanor, from tender and almost awed to assertive and firm, would have had Taeyeon reeling in surprise when they first began to engage in the more physical aspects of a romantic relationship, but by now, she was used to it.
No, it was more than that; if she was going to reveal a secret guilty pleasure, it made her temperature spike sharply, seeing the sudden and overwhelming hunger in Jungsoo-oppa’s eyes as he pulled her back onto the bed with him. Heat stirred in her core again.
It was belied by his polite demeanor and his easy humor in public eye, but truthfully, Jungsoo-oppa was quite the freak.
He maneuvered them so that he was sitting on the bed and she was straddling him. Taeyeon could feel his cock, pressed lightly against her thigh and stomach, starting to harden once more as he unabashedly stared between her legs. She was caught between surprise at how blatant he was being and a strange sense of bashfulness under his intense gaze.
He leaned forward, his forehead settling into the crook between her neck and shoulder, his breath fanning against her collarbone. The guttural moan that fell from his lips and the further hardening of his organ had Taeyeon snaking her hands around his neck and whimpering lightly. She had only orgasmed minutes ago, but her core was already pulsing with desire again.
“God,” Jungsoo-oppa all but snarled, his tongue darting out to lap at the delicate skin at the base of her throat before sinking his teeth in, enough to make her jolt deliciously but not enough to draw any blood. “You look so beautiful with my cum dripping out of you.”
The tender compliment at the beginning of his sentence didn’t match the crude words at the end, but she found that it was part of his appeal at the moment, and the loving, almost reverent manner of his thumb pressing gently around her left nipple through the material of her shirt, had Taeyeon gasping. She wanted him inside her. Again. Whimpering, she rolled her hips against his and was rewarded with a hiss from her boyfriend as the tip of his cock made the barest contact with her folds.
Jungsoo-oppa pulled his face away from her neck, looking at her with searing eyes. Taeyeon gasped in shock at his zeal as he practically tore off her tank top and bra before she had time to react, his gaze devouring the sight of her. She noticed his tongue swiping across his bottom lip as he studied her naked body, and the desire that pulsed through her veins at the sight had her digging her fingers into his skin. She bucked against Jungsoo-oppa, trying to relieve the pulsing between her legs, but his hand coming down harshly on her rear end stopped her short. Stinging pain swelled against her skin, throbbing and hot, but it only added to her lust. She whimpered, wanting nothing more than to soothe her desperation, but his warning was more than clear. Don’t.
So she obeyed, no matter how much her body was screaming at her to do otherwise.
That didn’t stop her from pleading, though. “Oppa,” Taeyeon whined. “Please.”
“Please what?” Jungsoo-oppa’s voice was nothing if not casual, but Taeyeon realized what he was going for anyway. Her eyes widened.
“I can’t give you anything if I don’t understand what you mean, baby,” Jungsoo-oppa purred, repeating her earlier phrase when she was teasing him, word for word. And if she was being honest, Taeyeon loved it. She loved being on top of him, riding his cock, teasing him and making him moan desperately, but she also loved it when he was assertive like this, turning her behavior back onto her and reducing her to the moaning mess.
Her insides throbbed, begging her to do something, anything, but Taeyeon didn’t dare move her hips for the possibility of what Jungsoo-oppa might do next if she disobeyed his order. Instead, she merely fought to keep herself still as he trailed his fingers almost thoughtfully along her inner thigh, closer and closer to her core. His thumb against her clit had her gasping and burying her face in the crook of his neck.
“Oh God,” she whispered. “Oh God, oppa, please.” She was repeating the word ‘please’ like a mantra, but that was the only word that could accurately convey how she felt at the moment. Please. Please.
Jungsoo-oppa stroked her hair softly, a tender look in his eyes. “On your hands and knees, baby.”
Wordlessly, already knowing how this game worked, Taeyeon practically scrambled to obey, climbing off of her boyfriend’s lap and settling on all fours on the mattress. All sense of shame was gone, completely engulfed by her need to feel him inside her. Her heart was pounding along with the insistent throbbing at her core, impossible to ignore, and her mind was thrumming with the possibilities as she felt the mattress shift with Jungsoo-oppa’s movement. He was innovative and experimental; he always had so many great ideas, so many ways to work her up. Would he –
Her mind went blank as he nudged her legs wider apart to settle between them and she felt the very tip of his cock against her soaked folds. She twitched, wanting nothing more than for him to press forward into her, wanting nothing more than to shift backwards into him so he was inside her, but she didn’t dare. Behind, Jungsoo-oppa groaned, hands coming around to grip her waist tightly. She could feel the heat of his body against the back of her thighs.
“Fuck,” he whispered. “You’re absolutely soaked already. Do you want me inside you that badly?”
Taeyeon couldn’t respond. Too swept up in the sensations raging through her body, the endorphins pumping through her blood, she dug her fingers into the bedsheet as Jungsoo-oppa traced a finger up her slit, just barely brushing against her swollen, throbbing nub. She whimpered, her wetness amplifying the intensity of the momentary pleasure that laced through her body like an electric shock. “Oppa,” she whined. “I need you.”
He chuckled, but the sound was hoarse and throaty with desire, and Taeyeon was reminded that he was probably as desperate to be inside her as she was to have him inside her and just controlling himself for the sake of their show.
It was all a delicious game, one she loved to play.
“You have me,” Jungsoo-oppa said, his voice husky as he lovingly tracing a warm hand over her spine. “Now and forever. I’ll never leave your side.”
His feigning ignorance was maddening enough, but somehow, the fact that his words were so sweet and caring in this situation made Taeyeon even more desperate. She moaned, wriggling her hips in an attempt to ease the aching desire between her legs. It didn’t work. “Not like that,” she hissed, the sharpness of her voice rising with her frustration. “Inside me. I need you inside me, now.”
Of course he wasn’t going to give her anything with her demanding outburst, but Taeyeon couldn’t help herself in that moment. She didn’t care, couldn’t care how he reacted just then, her rationale completely overcome by a haze of need, lust, and hormones. Now that she had exploded once and released some tension, though, Taeyeon felt the barest hint of delicious trepidation creep into her. Jungsoo-oppa wouldn’t let that burst go without conseque –
His force of his thrust jerked her body forward, and Taeyeon shrieked in both surprise and pleasure, completely and utterly caught off guard by the move. She couldn’t stop to evaluate it, though, not when Jungsoo-oppa’s hips pulled back and snapped forward again, driving him into her. His cock into her dripping channel. With a high-pitched cry, she fell onto her elbows, raising her rear end higher into the air to grant him a better angle. His pace swiftly increased until he was pounding absolutely ruthlessly, slamming in and out of her and rocking her body with each movement.
“Like this? Is this what you wanted, baby?” Jungsoo-oppa cooed between his harsh thrusts. “To be bent over and fucked until you can’t speak?” A particularly forceful snap of his hips had Taeyeon moaning, her toes curling as she buried her face in her hands in an attempt to smother the cries being ripped from her. Behind, Jungsoo-oppa groaned as he pulled out and buried his cock inside her again in one swift, practiced movement. His tip pressed against that spot deep inside her, and Taeyeon saw stars. She cried out, barely aware of what was happening around her, the world narrowing entirely down to no one but herself and Jungsoo-oppa, his cock thrusting rhythmically in and out of her. The pleasure was a force as unstoppable as gravity, ripping through her body and completely dashing any logic.
The sensation of a hand in her hair, gently sifting through strands of her hair and stroking her scalp, made Taeyeon start. It was a pleasing feeling, no doubt, but a kind of pleasing that was so completely different from the kind that his hips and his cock were eliciting. The contrast was so stark and sharp that it confused her, forcing her brain to focus on both kinds at the same time. It was a combination that was overwhelming and just toeing the line of being too much.
“You look so needy and desperate for my cock,” Jungsoo-oppa breathed, his voice rough and guttural, throaty with pleasure and with the physical exertion of their current activity. “Such a little slut.”
Taeyeon moaned. That was all she could do, moan, as his length pumped in and out of her, filling, stretching, driving her to the edge of insanity. The sound of skin slapping against skin only faintly registered in her mind as she whimpered into the mattress, still not over her shock at the force with which Jungsoo-oppa was thrusting into her. She dimly, faintly thought that for someone who’d looked so tired and wan not even an hour ago, he was absolutely vigorous. Then even that notion was gone, replaced by white nothingness as he reached forward and under and swiped his index finger harshly over her right nipple in perfect time with a particularly well-placed snap of his hips.
Taeyeon heard herself shriek.
“You scream like you want the whole world to know what we’re up to,” Jungsoo-oppa commented breathily, in between heavy panting. His fingers traced up and down her sides as he thrusted sharply, sending currents of satisfaction through her veins. “Is that what you want? For everyone to know how well I fuck you?”
The question was likely rhetorical, but Taeyeon shook her head anyway – as much as she could through the cloud of pleasure fogging her brain. Some days the answer might have been yes, but today she wanted the privacy, the intimacy, of having Jungsoo-oppa all to herself. That didn’t entail other people knowing about their bedroom activities, no matter how much she believed (and was secretly proud) that he was the most thorough, most satisfying lover she had ever had.
“No?” Jungsoo-oppa questioned, and then his hand came down hard on her rear, as sharp as an electric shock. Taeyeon sunk her teeth into the skin of her hand, fisted on the mattress, as stinging pain laced over her flesh, swelling and throbbing deliciously and complementing Jungsoo-oppa’s thrusts beautifully.
“Then what do you want, baby?” he purred.
Suddenly, right then and there, bent over on the bed and being mercilessly pounded into the sheets, Taeyeon saw an entire future, and entire lifetime, stretch out before her eyes. Walking out in public together, being able to appear on TV shows without denying and laughing off any rumors about them. Two rings. A banquet hall, a groom suit, a wedding dress. Jungsoo-oppa standing in front of her, taking her hands, kissing her. A shared home with a beautiful view of the sunrise and sunset. Waking up every day to the sight of Jungsoo-oppa, asleep next to her. Two children, a girl with Jungsoo-oppa’s eyes and her nose, and a boy with her mouth and Jungsoo-oppa’s sleekly angular features.
“You,” Taeyeon gasped. “I want you.”
His hips stuttered. All movement stilled, and she whined in protest at the absence of his heaviness within her, but Jungsoo-oppa didn’t seem to notice. “Say that again,” he whispered.
“I want you.”
A raw moan fell from his lips, hot and frantic, needy and desperate. Pressing a kiss to her shoulder, he hooked an arm around her waist, turning her over onto her back and pushing her onto the bed. His gaze was a tangled, heated mix of lust and wonder, like he was seeing her underneath him again for the first time.
Suddenly overwhelmed with a powerful, consuming wave of affection, Taeyeon looped her arms around his neck and pulled him down into an insistent kiss. He more than returned her ardor, lips against lips, tongue against tongue, and as they kissed, he gently pushed her legs apart, positioned himself between them and thrusting into her once more; deep and rough, forceful and demanding. Taeyeon threw back her head, moaning aloud, and Jungsoo-oppa focused on her neck and jawline, kissing, nipping, and sucking, his hips still rolling diligently the entire time.
“Oppa,” she groaned, squeezing her eyes shut as tears filled them from the depth with which he penetrated her. Her body was rocking, swept up in the force with which he made love to her, and it was all she could do to wrap her legs around him, pushing him deeper inside, angling him perfectly so that each deep, rough thrust connected to that spot inside her that had her crying into the night.
“Look at me, baby,” Jungsoo-oppa demanded, his fingers sweeping across her forehead, gently brushing stray locks of her hair behind her ears. Doing as she was told, Taeyeon fought against instinct and forced her eyes open. The sight that greeted her was incredibly attractive. His eyes were half-lidded in bliss yet seeing only her, strands of hair damp with sweat plastered around his forehead, his lips parted in a silent moan. His gaze never left hers, even as his right hand maneuvered gingerly between their bodies and his fingers pressed, rolled, and fondled her clit. The pad of his thumb ran over the throbbing nub gently.
Her release crashed over her in mind-shattering waves, and, powerless to resist, Taeyeon clung to Jungsoo-oppa for dear life, burying her face in the crook of his neck to muffle her cry. Despite the overload of sensation arcing through her nerves like electricity, she heard his desperate groan as her walls clenched around him, his hips still rocking against hers as he chased his own high. Wanting to help, she waited, whimpering and gasping, for her orgasm to subside, before purposely tightening her inner muscles and squeezing down on his twitching cock.
And that was all it took. Crying out into the night, Jungsoo-oppa came explosively inside her, his face twisting with the intensity of his pleasure. Taeyeon couldn’t help marveling at what a beautiful sight it was. Rolling her hips to encourage him, she stroked his scalp, cooing into his ear as he came and reveling in the way that he shuddered at her touch.
His seed filled her, coating her insides and making her tremble, and as crude as such a thing might sound, in that moment, it was beautiful.
He collapsed on top of her, the previously taut muscles in his body going lax, and for a few seconds the only sound that could be heard was their panting as they caught their breath. Then Jungsoo-oppa moved, pressing his lips to the side of her neck in a gesture of affection. With a smile, Taeyeon playfully nipped his earlobe in response. She unwrapped her legs from around his waist, letting them rest limply on the bed, sapped of all her energy.
Jungsoo-oppa rolled off her and onto the mattress at her side, close enough for their shoulders to be pressed against each other’s. For her part, Taeyeon remained immobile for a minute, taking a second to be grateful for the fact that their earlier argument hadn’t ended badly – it’s ending was quite wonderful, actually, if the warm stickiness between her thighs and the satisfying tingling in her body were any indication.
Smiling at the thought, she sat up and pulled the blankets crumpled at the corner of the bed over both of them before settling down into the mattress, facing Jungsoo-oppa. It was only as she stilled, having found a comfortable position, that she saw that he was gazing at her. His expression was almost awed.
“Why the stare?” she asked, curious to know why he was looking at her so reverently. It wasn’t a stare that he hadn’t directed at her before, but, she realized, it was her first time asking him directly.
Jungsoo-oppa started as if brought out of a trance. He blinked once, then twice, before his eyes focused on her. A soft smile lit up his face, making him look twice as angelic. “It’s just,” he said, wrapping an arm around the small of her back and pulling her close so that their bodies slotted together, “sometimes I have trouble processing it.”
“Processing what?”
“That you’re . . . you. That you’re here with me.”
Feeling her heart squirm, Taeyeon cupped his face in her hand, running her thumbs across the soft skin under his right eye. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” she assured him.
“Really?” His voice was small, uncertain, hopeful. It made her want to cry, but she wasn’t going to ruin this moment.
“Really.” Taeyeon scooted closer so their noses were nearly touching. “I’ve never been surer of anything.”
She went to pull her hand away, but Jungsoo-oppa caught it in his much larger one. Squeezing slightly, he brought the hand to his mouth and began to press gentle, open-mouthed kisses to her fingers. Taeyeon watched him, her chest feeling tight and painful, but somehow, it wasn’t at all in a bad way. It was more like her love for him was overflowing, too much and too potent to be trapped inside just one body.
Really, she had never loved anyone as much as she loved him.
Jungsoo-oppa finished peppering her hand with kisses, but instead of releasing her, he intertwined their fingers and clutching fiercely as if he never intended to let go.
“I love you,” he said. It was quiet, almost a murmur, but the fervor behind those words could have lit up the entire world. “It’s such a commonly used phrase, but I do. I love you.” He kissed her on the lips, chaste and sweet and tender. “And I’m sorry. I’ll be better. I’ll be a better man to you, Taeyeon. I promise.”
“Don’t try to be perfect,” Taeyeon murmured, leaning into him and closing her eyes in contentment. “We’re both human; we’ll have disagreements. But let’s not let those disagreements damage us. Okay?”
For a moment there was silence except for the sound of their soft breaths. Curious, Taeyeon couldn’t wait more than a few seconds before opening her eyes, wondering why he wasn’t responding. When she saw why, the earlier wetness that had been drying from around her eyelashes began to dampen again.
Tears were trickling silently down Jungsoo-oppa’s face, trailing over his nose, his mouth, his cheekbones. He was staring at her like she was the only thing that had ever existed in the universe – the only thing that would ever exist in the universe. “Okay,” he repeated, his voice whispery and broken.  
Forcing herself to smile, Taeyeon leaned in and kissed him softly again. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her against him, and it reminded her a little bit of a child in need of comfort.
Taeyeon blinked back her tears. If that was the case, she would be more than happy to be there to give him that comfort, forever. Burying her head underneath his chin, she closed her eyes, and for one of the few times in her life, her mind wasn’t racing. It was emptied, completely stagnant, and completely content. For some time, a time she didn’t bother trying to keep track of, the two of them just lay there silently, basking in the comfort of each other.
At last Taeyeon stirred, gently loosening Jungsoo-oppa’s arms and sitting up. “Alright,” she said with a smile, “I need to shower. And I think you definitely want to join me.”
Jungsoo-oppa sat as well, swiping a hand through his ruffled hair. He looked better; his eyes were brighter, the lines of tension had completely vanished from his face, and his posture and body language were relaxed and satisfied. Good, Taeyeon thought fondly. He more than deserved some rest.
He smiled tenderly at her, flashing that famous dimple, and as usual, her heart melted.
“You’re right.”
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