#don’t attack my character you fucking dick I’m not your child nor am I a child

[rvllybllply2014]

Rant ahead

Gotta love having a mental breakdown in front of your alcoholic abuser. Don’t ya? By the way the whole mental breakdown happened because he attacked my character yet again.The worst part is explaining why I’m shaking and crying and having the mental breakdown and him just saying that I’m on some sneaky shit and how I’m just trying to start some shit and seeking attention.Then me refusing to take the money because never mind my stomach hurts now and I won’t be able to eat and still being told that I’m an idiot who fucked myself out of food. Like I’m on my period running on a couple of hours of sleep because I have to take him to and from work and take care of his dog, on top of being sick for the past week plus. Not one thanks for all you (me) do for me (him). Like I don’t need the fucking lecture on how my food money was coming from his mom, like I’m some fucking child and how I don’t get extra shit with someone else’s money. I told him I was just looking at the price and hadn’t even ordered what I wanted let alone the extra shit, plus I brought some change from the house to cover the extra shit. But then got told that I was lying about the money I brought in change about 90 cents because there should be about $4 in change even after explaining that it was just for the extra thing. Like I went grocery shopping for her about a week ago and she had some extra stuff added to her list while I was shopping for her and said that I could add something from list to her card if I wanted to, but guess what I didn’t. I was raised to get the cheapest thing from a menu if someone else is paying, and I always do plus with the abuser I always offer to take something of mine off the orders if he thinks it too much money. Idk why that set me off but it did, I sacrifice a lot of things for him but I still get lectured about how I am stupid and don’t play with peoples money like that. And how I’m on sneaky shit because I literally showed him what I wanted to order and he insisted that he call it in when I won’t get points towards free things. You know what maybe I am an idiot for going over there to let him get a beer, but I’ve reached the end of my rope and I was just trying to be nice. My life just really fucking sucks, and dealing with him makes it worse and from August-Mothers Day weekend it’s a really sucky sucky traumatic time for me. Anyway my stomachs growling but it’s also in knots and it’s only 7:00 pm here so it’s too early for bed so it’s another fun night for me.

[madamtrashbat]

A couple of thoughts

We doin' okay, Cats family? We're good? Good. I have one last thing to add.

This is kinda about pro- and anti-shippers, but it's really more about fandom culture in general and just my experiences. You can read it, if you want, or not.

Up to you.

I've been doin' this for a while. A good fifteen years at least, closer probably to sixteen. I've been doing things in fandom for longer than some of my mutuals have been alive.

(Oh Jesus)

And there's something I gotta tell you guys, both as a person who has been doing fandom-y stuff for years and for someone who literally has college degrees in English Literature and Creative Writing.

Being an anti is not normal.

And I know that comes across as harsh and mean and it sounds unreasonable but I'd like to explain what I mean by that.

I can trace back being an anti to two main sources: Voltron and Star Wars. I was never into Voltron or really even around anyone who was but I remember the screaming and fighting over the ships, and I remember the hellish crusade that began when people dared to ship Rey and Kylo Ren together. It was nasty, guys. It was absolutely insane that suddenly people were doing this over fictional ships, that people were being sent actual abuse and hatred because someone wanted the broody shitlord man and the unwashed desert scrounger to smooch. Like... imagine that in real time.

I was not, nor have I ever been, a Reylo shipper, but you know what I did, when that ship began, and I didn't like it? I ignored it and went about my day. Because that's how I was taught. Nothing in the fiction world was worth fighting over. It was not worth getting into arguments over. What was the point?

Then the antis got bolder, started branching out, and when people like me started standing up and saying, "Hey, stop being a dick to people!" someone hired the world's best PR machine and suddenly people who were not antis were pedophiles and abusive and incestuous.

How's that for some whiplash.

This anti movement of berating, bullying, harming, and threatening has been their MO, and it's dangerous. And now, they all buy their own bullshit. They actually think people like me are all out here twisting our mustaches like Snidely Whiplash and diddling kids. Without a shred of irony, they believe this.

Proship only labeled itself that as a response to the antiship, and antiship, make no mistake, named itself first. It was not anti-pedophile. It was not anti-incest. It was not anti-abuse.

It was all about disliking fictional ships that other people enjoyed, and thus attacking people over it.

And it's pointless. It's driven a child to suicide. It has gotten people fired. It has ruined careers, livelihoods, friendships. For nothing. For a boogeyman that doesn't exist.

Sex experts across the board all agree that what gives us our jollies is not at all what we want in real life. There's some wild statistic like 70% of women have had a sexual fantasy about rape at least once in their lives. About rape! That act that most AFAB people have a deep ingrained fear of! And we've used it to get off! Because sexual fantasy isn't that deep. Our brains are idiots. And since time immemorial, we as humans have written just the most fucked up shit.

It's even in the Bible. Humans have been nasty forever. And it doesn't mean shit.

It's in the TV shows. It's in our movies. It's in our books. It's in our music, our podcasts, everything. Being an anti is not the way of humanity at all. Ever. Except for like... maybe the puritans but they sucked so who cares about them.

Antis believe a lie. They believe a lie and they hurt people for it. I am not in any way, shape, or form exaggerating when I say I am fearful for those who regularly interact with me, because I am worried that one day the art they make or the "clout" they carry isn't going to be enough to save them from their friendship with me and antis will tear them to shreds. Because that is how they behave. They may not think they're bullies, and they may think they're in the right, but I want you to look up the Youtube RPF kid who killed themselves over anti harassment. Look at that horrible ask I just got. This is how they behave.

And that is what proshippers stand against. It's a stance against bullying, harassment, threats. That is it. There are plenty of proshippers out in the world that would never, ever think of writing anything involving someone underage, or between relatives, or involving anything gruesome. Because that's not what it's about.

Antis are new in the world of fandom, and they are the absolute root of toxicity. I do not exaggerate. They waste the time of agencies actually trying to eradicate CSAM by sending them art someone drew of a teenage character that isn't real. They've driven people to suicide. They've outright admitted to not caring about actual humans as much as they care about fictional ships. They have shown time and time again that they are not above abuse, vitriol, and bullying. There are blogs that post stories from ex-antis who say they were afraid to say anything different than their anti friends for fear of righteous backlash.

I repeat: I am legitimately afraid that my friends are going to get dogpiled and harassed because they dare to be my friend. That fear is not baseless. And it's all because of the way antis act.

I am liberal with the block button. I try to maintain boundaries because I don't want to see any of that shit as much as they don't want to see any of mine (though only a very scant few actually block me back, which is a joke in and of itself). But it still slips through. And I hate it, every time I see it.

Because this is not the way we're supposed to be. We are not supposed to be at odds with each other. We are supposed to share and have fun and be joyful about some people in lycra.

But because some people wanted to put on the pilgrim hat and play Morality Council to someone who's been doing this for years, I gotta tiptoe around people that think I'm actually out in the world diddling children. Do you know how fucked up that is. Do you know how that feels? To not only have someone make that judgment without any evidence, but to tell it to other people who don't know me either?

When someone finally snaps and starts biting back, it's not out of nowhere. And antis never, ever see themselves as doing something wrong. But they are. They are wrong.

Can I let you in on a little secret?

Seriously, just between you and me, come here.

If you think it's wrong to bully someone because of fiction, then you're proship. That is the long and short of it. No more or less. I hate to break it to you, but that is the only definition, and anyone who says it's something else is lying to you for their own gain.

And sure, there are lots of people who try to hide behind the proship label as they do shitty things. But antis do the same. Humans being assholes and trying to blame it on something else is not new.

The fact that people have come to me and told me that the antis have made them feel uncomfortable, that they're afraid if they do something they might view as negative they might receive hate, that people are actually AFRAID of people in this fandom, is not okay.

There was a fandom I was involved in where one of the prominent people actively hated me and I was never afraid of what she would do. I am afraid of the antis in this fandom, though. Because they have teeth and they like to use them.

Fandom isn't supposed to be like this. Nobody should be screaming at teenagers for talking to adults in fandom, infantilizing them like they're not a whole autonomous human. Nobody should be telling someone to kill themselves because they ship Tuggerstrap. Nobody should be afraid of the other people in their fandom.

Antis, if any of them even read this (I doubt it, but just in case), I want you to look around. The people who are neutral are not afraid of what the proshippers will say to them. They are afraid of you. You and your ilk are the ones causing the damage, and you are the outliers in the entire world of fiction. You're a loud minority that thinks it knows better when it knows absolutely nothing.

Ruminate on that.

My blog is still a safe space from bullying, abuse, and nastiness. If someone is being mean to you, you will always find a friend here. And if you can't say the same, then what's wrong with you?

Be excellent to each other. Stop making people afraid.

And sit down and ask yourself what it is you really want when you make vague posts about people and tell people vicious, awful things. What are you hoping to gain.

[bittervitter]

ang0mang0′s “copycat” claims

I didn’t want to have to make another post about this, but since people on sonicfan799 / thatAnge / @ang0mang0′s Tumblr profile are getting riled up about this ridiculous drama that should have died ages ago, I figured I’d defend myself. Some people who are trying to support me have been saying incorrect things too, so I also wanted to clear that up. This crap has been going on for months, everyone is sick of it by now. Instead of being brief like I did for other social medias, I’ll be as detailed as possible this time.

[1] “she’s copying/imitating/heavily referencing from my art style!!!”

Like people have said a million times, no I’m not. And nor is anyone else. Just because someone draws the Sonic characters in a similar style to you does not automatically mean they took, copied or “stole” those ideas from you. You don’t own the concept of buff, fluffy bodies or chubby muzzles. COINCIDENCE, as much as you hopelessly deny it, is very much a possible thing- even in crazy situations such as this. There are several other artists who have similar art styles by mere coincidence. IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE. As examples, these Instagram artists have similar styles: @ azulytoons and @ indigonite0 / @ magenta_mel and @ zer0finix / @ himemikal and @ natirix. NONE of these artists are “stealing” or referencing from each other- they just have similar art styles, and that is perfectly okay! They draw completely different things with completely different mindsets. The world does not revolve around you, ang0. Not everyone knows who you are, so some people who use the same traits that we do don’t even know we exist.

Also, to anyone unaware, an art STYLE is not merely how one chooses to portray a character. An art STYLE is also what brushes you use, how you sketch, how you line, how you colour, how you shade, how you choose to portray certain objects or ideas- basically your entire fucking understanding of how something’s supposed to look and how you LIKE it to look. It’s not just “chubby faces, poofy curly hair, buff bodies”. It’s everything in a piece AND that.

[2] “she’s tracing my art/ redrawing my ideas!”

Literally no. People have constantly asked you to provide evidence and you refused to. All you did was scream “but it’s so obvious, just look at it!” or “are you dumb? use your eyes!” and several other insults. If you want to prove a point or make someone see something, GIVE. EVIDENCE. The only person who actually provided “proof” was pin_kpeach, your ever so loyal whiteknight, but her “proof” only backfired and proved that the both of you are extremely delusional. In the drawings of ours that she layered over each other, next to NONE of the lines lined up. It looked like a clustered mess of scrap, and the reason for that is because IT WASN’T TRACED. In the one or two drawings where ONE. SINGLE. PIECE. actually lined up was entirely zoomed in to make it seem as though the whole thing was traced. No, honey, that’s not how you provide proof. That’s how you pull a muscle by reaching so desperately to lie about me. The rest of the drawings in those pictures didn’t line up at all, and one- or I believe both- needed to be titled to line them up in the first place. You could say that some people trace things and resize or rotate them, but if I were as dumb as you persist to say, then I wouldn’t have done something like that. Either way, one aspect of a drawing lining up is a common thing for people who have similar styles because- well, I just said it. THEY HAVE SIMILAR STYLES. If they draw something the same way, well fucking duh, it’ll match someone else’s drawing almost exactly sometimes.

[3] “she’s too petty and too much of a liar to credit me! saying the art isn’t hers will hurt her oversized ego!”

Ahaha no. The only one here with an inflated ego is you, ang0. You call me the egotistical one yet you act as though your life is falling apart just because someone else draws like you on the internet. Stop acting like a special snowflake, you are not the only one on this planet with an art style of that nature. I don’t credit you because crediting you makes no damn sense. Why should I credit someone who’s had absolutely no impact on my work whatsoever? What in the hell did you do for my drawings that makes you deserve so much credit? Did you sketch it? No. Did you line it? Nope. Did you colour or shade it? Not a chance. Just because I came up with a design for the characters that happens to look like yours does not mean I owe you jack shit. You cannot. own. a style. Get over it.

[4] “she worsened my depression and is the reason I can’t draw anymore! I have no motivation when there’s some idiot copycat stealing all my art!”

I don’t want to sound like that kind of person, but you worsened your own depression. You painted this false picture in your head and continue to hang onto that belief like your life depends on it. I haven’t done ANYthing to you. You came to ME with these stupid claims back when my art looked LESS like yours, before I even knew who you were. You’re making yourself feel horrible because you, for some paranormal reason, refuse to believe that you’re not the only one with that kind of style. This is why people call you childish, you’re like a whiny baby that can’t accept another child having a toy similar to yours. I can’t even decide whether I should say “grow up” because you’re older than me- not to mention you’re an ADULT.

[5]”she constantly sends her whiteknights to attack me, harass me and send me threatening messages!”

I’ve said several times to my followers NOT to harass you or your followers or anyone against me in this mess at all. I do not send anyone after you. People say things to you out of their own free will and with their own words. I can’t magically know when this happens, why they decide to and I especially can’t control anyone. I’m sorry that my friend Koro sent you all those DMs and horrible messages wishing a lot of very bad things onto you and your family- I asked her several times before and after not to do that, but I didn’t have a clue she did it until after the fact. Either way, don’t go around assuming that I put people up to this or I intentionally ask people to do these things to you. Why in the hell would I do that? What good does that do? All I wanted to do was talk things out but at this point, you don’t even take me seriously, so I can’t even try anymore. The few times we did talk you refuse to see my point of view and just see me as a liar. What the hell am I supposed to do then?

[6]”all vio does is lie, she’s so fake all the time, lying for her petty ego”

I’m not even sure how to respond to this but I thought I might as well bring it up. No matter what I do or say, ang0 sees me as nothing but some retarded liar that can’t help but lie their way around everything, even though I’ve been nothing but genuine all this time. It’s why I can’t even communicate with her anymore, because “shut up, stop lying you copycat” is all I get in response basically.

[7] her insane hypocrisy

Ange and pin_kpeach have said numerous times that I’m rude or insult her, and there have been times where I’ve been mean out of anger, but I know for a fact I apologized for it in DMs. Ange apologized too. I don’t remember ever insulting her after that, but ang0 doesn’t ever stop ridiculing and insulting me with almost every comment she makes on the drama. If she really was sorry, she wouldn’t have done it again, but I guess she said “fuck it” and just continued anyway. Pin_kpeach likes to say I’M the hypocrite for saying Ange is harassing me yet being rude to her a couple times, yet they do they exact same thing, but even worse?? I try my best to be as civil as possible, but ang0 and pink don’t waste a second calling me and my supporters all sorts of colourful names just because they don’t agree with her claims. In fact, here’s a list of every single thing ang0’s ever called me:

retarded, retard, stupid, idiot, dumb, low IQ, mentally ill, crazy, talentless, skill-less, copycat, art thief, (dumb) cow, fuckhole, asshole, bitch, wanna-be artist, unreasonable, clown, fake, liar, hypocrite, delusional, dick, stalker, bittershitter, dumbass, immature

There’s probably more than that, but that’s as much as I can remember. Not hard to forget when she repeats them almost all the time.

[8] gatekeeping ideas

Ange and pink act as if two people drawing a character in the same outfit automatically equals “du bist kopying mein style!!”. I can’t even begin to imagine the mental gymnastics you need to do in order to believe a thought process like that is logical. She thinks that anyone who draws Amy in a dress with a white under-skirt or white ruffles underneath is nothing but a copied idea from her. She thinks that me drawing Amy in a green tank top, blue backwards cap and blue sports shorts is copying her drawing of Amy in a green unidentifiable top (you could only see her back, she didn’t seem to have straps) and blue sports shorts with a slightly different design is automatically copied from her. The poses, shading, angle and idea behind the drawing were COMPLETELY different- but nonono, “this is stolen because the outfit is the same!” They also use the excuse of the whole chubby faces, curly hair, blah blah blah- see point [1] as to why that’s BS.

[9] her perception of my followers/supporters

Aside from Koro, I don’t know if anyone has seriously threatened or harassed her. Her followers comment on my posts, my followers only comment when she brings up the drama or whines about it. She insults my supporters when they don’t agree with her and act like they’re a bunch of immature brats who are wrong while she’s the high and mighty mature one seeing through non-existent lies. I’m used to her making fun of me, but I’m sick and tired of her insulting people who have nothing to do with the drama just because they don’t agree with her. Like, seriously? You call everyone immature and stupid yet you’re the one insulting people non-stop just because they realize how ridiculous and childish you’re acting. That’s why “childish” has become a popular adjective for you, ang0. BECAUSE YOU’RE BEING CHILDISH. CONSTANTLY. You get pissy, insult others and put people down but whine and cry the next minute because you constantly like to play the victim. Speaking of which...

[10] the victim card

I have absolutely no idea what ang0 goes through in real life, but there is no excuse for how she’s behaved during this drama AT ALL. Ange constantly defames her own artwork, calling it shit, calling it every bad name in the book, but doesn’t hesitate for a minute to gatekeep her style as if it was the best thing in the world. She says it’s because she “worked her ass off” and doesn’t want people just stealing her hard work. Okay, but you do realize that other people put just as much work into their own art, no matter if it looks like yours or not, right? She demands that people change their style to stop looking like hers, acting as if that can be done in a matter of minutes, because people having similar styles makes her uncomfortable. Well, surprise motherfucker- welcome to the internet. No one is original and everyone is original at the same time. People are bound to come up with similar ideas and you’re just going to have to deal with it. But despite the similarities, people are still original in their own right. If you believe that people can change a style so easily, why not just change your OWN style? Because you worked your ass off? Well, THEY WORKED THEIR ASS OFF TOO. So don’t act like you’re the only one who’s put effort into their craft. Art is hard, and that applies to EVERYONE- even professionals.

You blame me and other “copycats” for all your problems, blaming us for worsening your depression, ruining your passion for art- when you’re the only one who does this to yourself. Yes, there have been genuine art thieves in your life, and people who have stolen your art- but what I’m talking about are the people like me who DON’T steal your art or are merely inspired by you. People who say “you should be happy they’re inspired!” aren’t saying “you should be happy they’re copying!”. They’re saying that you should be glad that your work is so inspiring that people create their own unique ideas based off your own. Inspiration doesn’t require credit unless they’re purposefully taking a massive part of the original. But being inspired by a hair style or even a pose isn’t stealing. It’s inspiration, that’s it. I’m not inspired by you at all, but I can at least appreciate your art- even if you think I’m just being fake.

[11] ang0mang0′s history and why this shit doesn’t even make sense

Ange has said publicly and to me in detail about how she’s been accused of the same “art style theft” in the past. From what I’ve gathered or heard, people used to accuse her of copying a popular artist called myly14 who’s Sonic art is pretty much everywhere. Whether it be in edits, MVs or whatever else.  Looking at her old art when she went under the name sonicfan799, her art does look similar to myly’s, but ang0 insisted that she didn’t copy myly and didn’t even know who she was. She legit said “it’s not my fault my art looks like someone else’s”, so basically- it was coincidence. She said she changed her art style because she “isn’t an asshole and didn’t want to make the other artist uncomfortable”, even though art style theft isn’t a thing and no one needs to be forced out of a style just because someone else already draws that way. I have no idea what myly’s stance on that situation was, but the fact that it happened just proves how stupid her current claims are.

Ange says that her style is “too complex” to be coincidentally similar to someone else’s, even though the fact that it’s happened 30 times (according to her) just proves that no, ang0, no it fucking isn’t. Your style isn’t complicated at all. Detailed sure, but no style is too complicated to be similar to another’s. Being complex doesn’t make something any less likely to be identical to another complex style.If you didn’t copy myly14 in the past, what right do you have to accuse me of the same damn thing? If I really am copying you, then you have to admit to copying myly, because you can’t just lie about your past and then shit on me for doing the same thing. So it’s either you stop this nonsense or you drag this drama down with you to your grave and admit you copied myly14.

Another thing, myly14 didn’t even have a “simple” style. The fact that her art was almost instantly recognizable and popular meant that she had a signature style that stood out. Yes, she used a lot of the original Sonic style’s anatomy, but her stylization of said anatomy, her shading and the way she composed her pieces gave her a signature style. The most stylized thing I could see was how she drew muzzles, and guess who drew muzzles in a similar way as well? You did. People saw how your way of drawing faces and some parts of the body and thought it looked liked myly’s. The similarities in your anatomy, and not your shading or colouring, was what made people think you copied her. That exact same thing is happening between me and you. My shading, colouring and composition is entirely different from yours, but some parts of the anatomy are similar.

If you really didn’t copy myly14, you have absolutely no. fucking. excuse. to accuse me of the EXACT. SAME. SHIT. that happened to you.

You never needed or deserved to be pressured out of your old style just because people thought it looked similar to someone else’s, and that’s why I refuse to change my style now. Because it isn’t. fucking. fair. To ANYONE.

[12] how I feel (this is copied over from my DeviantART)

At this point I've grown used to what she has to say, but it still hurts. She thinks that I'm some kind of cartoon villain maniacally laughing behind a computer screen every time I post something because she's so deep into her belief that I really copy everything she draws and that nothing I've never posted has any true effort put into it. She genuinely believes she owns all my art and that I devote my entire gallery into recreating her image or some crazy shit like that. It sounds really dumb, but from what I've read from her poorly constructed comments and rants, that's basically what she believes.

She thinks I don't care at all about how all this affects her or anyone at all, but I do. It doesn't just hurt me in the sense that she makes me feel awful with all her insults, but I just feel so bad for her. I feel guilty in the sense that I couldn't do anything at all to help her, not that "shes prolly feeling guilty and made that april fools joke to let out some guilt!!". (If you don’t know, on April Fools Day, I changed my Instagram bio to say “clown” and call myself “the ultimate copycat” as a joke.) That was a really stupid reaction from her by the way... who the hell comes up with that? Now that she's going away for a month, I feel even worse because all I wanted to do was try to make her come to her senses and end this mess. I thought I could talk some sense into her- that didn't work. Her delusions are so strong, she's like a brick wall. I thought I could ignore the drama- that didn't work. She "clowns" and talks about it so annoyingly often. Not to mention people do things on their own to stir shit up. I thought I could support her regardless and maybe try making her feel better about her art- that didn't work. She thinks I'm fake and that everything I say is a lie. Because of me, she probably doesn't believe other people too- and that makes me feel even more terrible.

No matter what I do, I'm automatically the villain and she's the tortured, helpless artist that everyone is against because "everyone is dumb, supporting a copycat" and she's just "used to it, because she's dealt with so much shit already!". It's so ridiculous. If she would just try to actually better herself or the situation, she wouldn't feel so horrible all the time. Like... for god's sake, she relied on a video game to make her happy- that's not healthy, and just like I suspected, it didn't fucking work.

more of how I feel

Because of ang0, I just feel like garbage. My self esteem and confidence in my art was already low. Thanks to her, I don’t feel original (or as original) anymore- and I’m afraid to show many of my new or old ideas because she or her whiteknight pin_kpeach may spring out and say “copycat! stolen! you’re not original!” and a plethora of other insults. I can barely sketch or draw Sonic content without panicking and feeling worthless because all I have is her words and her opinions stuck in my head. She blames me for her demotivation and shit like that when she’s done the same thing to me. She thinks I don’t care about her or her art, when I do, but when I say that, she calls me fake. In reality, ang0 couldn’t give a damn about me and I’m pretty sure she’d be happy if I were dead. She has said before that she doesn’t care if I killed myself soo... there’s that. Anyway lemme not drag my feelings out too long, I just thought I’d say it to anyone willing to listen since her immediate response would’ve been “fake, liar” etc, etc. I really don’t want anyone to feel bad for me or anything like that, I just want people to listen and understand. That’s all.

a final note

I’m really thankful- like, REALLY thankful- for everyone who’s been on my side throughout this. I don’t like picking sides, and I’d hate to make people do so, but there doesn’t seem to be any in between to this at all. It’s either you believe I’m copying her or you don’t.  Most people don’t- thank goodness for that- but some do. And there’s nothing I can do about it. At this point, whatever man.

Please please PLEASE do not harass ang0. Don’t threaten her, don’t insult her, don’t do anything rash or fucking illegal. It’s all fair game if you want to POLITELY SPEAK to her, or try to start a discussion, but please don’t do anything stupid. And especially don’t do things in my name. If you want to debate with me or her, do research first- don’t just jump to conclusions or make assumptions.If you want nothing to do with this drama, then simply don’t say anything- just be aware of what’s going on, that’s all I ask. So nobody gets the wrong idea on either side.

Sorry for this being so long, I think I’m done for now.

Thank you if you read the whole thing.

[9.4.2020]

[angel-wings-and-broken-things]

A rant about Vanya Hargreeves

(Note: this is decidedly anti-Vanya. If that bothers you, I suggest you click off right now, you have been warned. That said, I'm always up for some friendly debate if you see anything that I’ve said is incorrect, but please don’t respond with bullshit comments like “Luther made her” as it’s an embarrassing display of the pure immaturity that comes from Vanya stans.)

So I’ve been putting off this rant for a long time, mainly because I’ve been busy with school and other stuff. Also, I’ve been getting my kicks ranting to my sister about the pure idiocy that is Vanya Hargreeves and Vanya stans. However, my sister now says that she is done listening to my hour-long rage-fueled rants. Let me tell you that I cried, because a staple in my morning routine has become eating my toast and spilling tea with my younger sister. However, when presented with the facts, for example, that she has never watched the show and has no opinions on the character nor on the cataclysmic stupidity of the fandom for idolizing this psychopathic monster, I realized that perhaps it was the proper time for me to make this, and pray that I can move on to a life of happiness after expelling my hatred of these unintelligent people and arguments.

Also, I’m extremely high on caffeine and procrastinating my essays. So please bear with me as I take you on the journey of my three AM coffee induced rants. I understand that there is a very slim chance that I will change anybody's mind about Vanya, as many people choose to be ignorant about the problematic and hypocritical behavior of their favorite character. Society is relentless in its enablement of the truly moronic behaviors, and nothing has made me lose more faith in the world than the actual arguments I have seen from the half-witted, mindless Vanya stans. I’m not saying that everyone who stans Vanya is an idiot, but if someone else were to say it I would not disagree. Unfortunately, that is simply the conclusion that all evidence leads to. This introduction has gotten away from me a bit, so without further ado, here is every single bullshit argument that I have seen Vanya stans argue debunked.

Vanya’s Childhood.                        

First of all, I would like to point out that I have the utmost sympathy for all of the Hargreeves children for having to grow up with an abusive father. At no point in this rant will I disvalue Vanya’s trauma. As much as I truly hate her character, invalidating traumatic experiences and PTSD is a fucking dick move that I will leave to other parts of the fandom (*cough* anti-Luthers *cough*).

Now that that’s out of the way, let me dig deep into her psychopathic tendencies and unflinching lack of remorse for her actions that clearly has been present since adolescence. First, let us address her powers. I see people everywhere saying that having her powers bound was abusive and horrible, that Allison could have rumored her to have control instead, that she didn’t mean to do any of the things she did, etc. However, please consider that Reginald didn’t have a choice. Or rather I should say that his choices were limited and he made the best possible one given the circumstances. I’m not condoning his actions at all, I will be the first to denounce his actions and character. However, we need to consider all of the facts; not only did she physically attack him, but she also murdered several innocent people because she didn’t like oatmeal. This was to the point that Reginald designed Grace for the sole purpose of having someone who could control Vanya. Vanya was clearly displaying apathetic tendencies towards murder at a young age and cares nothing for the people she killed as long as she got what she wanted. She murdered people over oatmeal, and people stay defending her?

I was shocked when I saw this scene and realized that people were still stanning Vanya, because do you know what this points to people? A pattern. Vanya is a power-hungry maniac. This is shown many times in the show. She knows that she’s the most powerful person in the room and she shamelessly abuses that privilege. When she is a child and she realizes that she’s more powerful then Reginald can handle, what does she do? She explodes the glasses and hurts him with her powers. When she is fed a type of food that she doesn’t like and knows she can use her powers to get whatever she wants, what does she do? She murders her nannies for the sole purpose of getting her way. When she is an adult and realizes that she doesn’t have to listen to Allison, what does she do? Slits her throat and attempts to literally murder her, then runs away. When she doesn’t want to be held captive she destroys their house. When her siblings try to stop her from hurting people she burns the world to the ground. Do you see the pattern?

Furthermore, let us discuss The Umbrella Academy. Also known as Vanya once again showing her true colors as a spoiled brat. We see in both her autobiography and in the flashback scene where she destroyed the house that she felt excluded. Listen, I am a sibling, I have felt excluded before and I’m sure that my sisters have as well. But somehow none of us have burned our house to the ground. I know, you’re probably sitting at your keyboard shaking your head in awe at out restraint. I get that people sympathize with her loneliness throughout childhood, and I can see why. But honestly, I didn’t see anything too terrible in the flashback scene. What? Diego was pissed at her for barging into his room and Allison didn’t want Vanya to see her macking on Luther? Call me crazy but that just seems like siblings being siblings (aside from the making out with your other siblings part, that’s weird). Yes, the one about her being left out from the family portrait was kind of rough, but no reason to attempt to murder your whole family, kill your mom and father figure, and destroy your house. 

She clearly has a being left out complex that began in adolescence and carried through adulthood. It’s okay when you’re a kid and you’re whining that Jimmy and Tommy won’t let you play tag with them, but it crosses a line when you act that way as a grown ass woman. Her book was also crossing a gigantic, fat red line that says in all caps YOU’RE TAKING THIS TOO FAR. What, Ben didn’t want to share his toys so in return you write a passive-aggressive novel about how much your siblings suck and left you out of their super secret club? Let’s say that Klaus also published a book talking about all of his traumatic experiences, and at the center of it was perfect Vanya who was normal and never experienced a single hardship. Different story, right? We don’t seem to talk about the fact that being in the Umbrella Academy seemed to suck. Klaus was forced into a mausoleum and made to live his worst nightmare, Ben was made to kill people using his powers, Luther was transformed into an ape-man without his consent and exiled to the moon, Five ended up stranded in the apocalypse for 45 years, and that's just when was shown on the screen. I’m positive that there were tons of other horrible things that the academy experienced, so where does Vanya get off pretending that she invented tragedy all because her precious feewings were hurt? 

Locking Vanya Up 

Listen. Listen. I said that I wasn’t going to invalidate Vanya’s trauma, and I plan to stick to that. Luther locking Vanya in that cage was fucked up. He shouldn’t have done that. However, in order to properly make my case we need to analyze everything, so allow me to play devil’s advocate for a moment. Vanya slit Allison’s throat. In what universe is that even a little bit acceptable? Not only was Allison her sister, but she was just trying to help. She says repeatedly that she loves Vanya, that she wants to help her, that she’s trying to rescue her from her abusive boyfriend, and once again we see Vanya turn to violence when she doesn’t get her way. I see tons of people saying that Allison had it coming because she rumored Vanya into thinking she was ordinary, but consider this: you’re an asshole. Allison was a child, she didn’t realize that what she was doing was wrong. She even admitted it to Vanya and said that she was confused/just remembered it. Guilty people don't admit their sins. Allison was confused and hurt, and Vanya tried to kill her. 

Additionally, let’s refer to Leonard. Vanya killed him. Now, I’m not particularly broken up over his death, the bastard sort of had it coming.  However, this is yet another example of Vanya overreacting with violence when she’s upset. Her murdering Leonard wasn’t self-defense, as he wasn’t attacking her, nor had he ever physically hurt her. While I’m aware that emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse, and that Vanya was definitely in an emotionally abusive relationship with Leonard, it was still murder. There is no way that it would have held up in court, and I get that people can get trapped in abusive relationships, but if you want to leave a toxic relationship, the answer is not murder. It is never okay to kill someone unless it is in direct defense of your life. or someone else’s. Vanya killed Leonard and showed absolutely no remorse. In fact, the only time she ever showed any sort of guilt over what she did was to Allison, and she got over that in about 30 minutes.

I have gotten a bit off track, so going back to Luther locking Vanya up, he shouldn’t have done it. That much is clear, you should never subject someone to their worst fear. I could go on about Luther and his motivations, but I’ll save that for another rant. All I’m trying to say is that he had a good motive, it's still not okay but I feel that the entire fandom already holds Luther accountable for that, whereas no one holds Vanya accountable for her actions. Additionally, consider the other timeline. In the time where Five came from, Luther didn’t lock Vanya up. Why would he? We can see from Five’s flashback to finding his family dead that Allison’s throat wasn’t slit, therefore because Five was the one who pointed them in the direction of Harold Jenkins, and he wasn’t in the original timeline, there is only one conclusion to draw based on the evidence. In the original timeline, no one went after Vanya. Therefore, Leonard was able to convince her to go destroy Hargreeves mansion, and sometime in the process, Luther ripped his eye out. This is supported by Five saying that while he has assumed that the mansion fell with the apocalypse, it has actually happened before that. Vanya then, after murdering all of her siblings, went on to destroy the world, Leonard, and herself in the process. This shows that Luther was actually somewhat justified in his actions, Vanya has already proven that she is capable of killing and has no qualms about doing so. She has killed billions of people in multiple timelines, and Vanya stans still want to act like none of it was her fault? Okay.

The Guy In The Car

This is a pretty specific sub-category, but I felt like I had to bring it up because it is so fucking incredible the things that Vanya stans are willing to look past. Vanya literally murdered someone because he honked at her. Even if you can justify everything else she did, how can you justify that? Is road rage seriously worth killing over? People are so quick to say “YAS badass Vanya! A QWEEN!” but was Luther a badass when he grabbed Klaus by his fucking neck? No, so why is Vanya a badass when she nearly kills her sister and actually murders innocent people?  The fact of the matter is, Vanya shows a continuous pattern of killing without remorse. She has not only killed many nannies, Leonard, her siblings (in the alternate timeline) and the whole fucking world (twice), but she murdered the man in the car for absolutely nothing. He could have had a family, he could have had children, but did Vanya think of that? Probably not, because she’s a psychopath.

Stop and take a good long look at any of these gifs and try to tell me she wasn’t in control. Try and tell me she isn’t a murderer.

The Apocalypse

Finally. The part of this rant that I’ve been the most excited to get to. This is where I get the most idiotic comments about Vanya. I may have to write a whole other section addressing the most stupid comments I have gotten. But nonetheless, everyone seems to be unanimously in agreement that it wasn’t Vanya’s fault, and this is where I run into some issues. Vanya isn’t a child, she’s a grown ass woman. Correct me if I’m wrong, but when you’re almost 30 years old, its time to take responsibility for your actions. Some of y’all’s mamas didn’t raise you right and it shows. When I was a kid, it didn’t matter if my little sister told me to steal the candy bar, I still stole the candy bar. It was my fault, I got punished. No one held a gun to Vanya’s head and forced her to burn the world to the ground. If you rewatch the final scene, it’s pretty clear that she’s in control of her actions. The only times I saw her lose control was when she was defending Leonard from the muggers and when she was ranting about her siblings. During the apocalypse? All I saw was pure vindictive pleasure. She was pissed off, so she would have everyone die. 

I would like to point out, because I haven't seen anyone else talking about this, that Vanya was straight up ready to kill Luther, Klaus, Five, and Diego. At the end, when they all were trying to stop her (from destroying the world) she had them suspended in air and was clearly hurting them. You could see them in pain, their lives were literally draining away. It was pretty clear that they would have died if Allison hadn’t stopped her. And through it all, she didn’t care. She didn’t care that they would die, she didn’t care that the world would burn. The bottom line is that Vanya Hargreeves is a psychotic murderer, and the fandom needs to stop treating her like a goddess.

In conclusion

To summarize, Vanya displays the characteristics of a spoiled toddler. All she does is lash out when she doesn’t get her way and destroy the world and other people. She has killed countless people, and the fact that people keep saying it wasn’t her fault is such a classic example of the world’s stupidity. If you say that she wasn’t responsible, or that Luther made her do it, then congratulations, you are just as mature as Vanya is and that is not a compliment. No one can make you do anything. You always have choices, Vanya chose to destroy the world and that is something that she needs to be held accountable for. 

I can kind of understand the appeal to Vanya, I suppose. She could come across relatable because of her lonely childhood. Or maybe shes just amassed such a large following because people love Ellen Page (which I get). But the fact remains that I have heard so many idiotic Vanya supporters preaching her psycho gospel and completely ignoring every shitty thing she’s done. So next time I reply to someone’s moronic, unintelligent, not thought through comment, and they try and start beef with me, I’ll just link this rant. I’ve gotten tired of repeating myself. So hey, if you said something to me on twitter about how Vanya isn’t responsible for all the people she killed in cold blood, and I commented with this link, then congrats! You are such a moronic mouthpiece that I felt the need to spend hours writing this essay detailing every single reason as to why your opinion is invalid. Save us both some time here and just stop talking. Either that or turn on your notifications and fight me irl, I won’t hesitate to cleanse the bloodline of your stupidity. Sucks to suck man, don’t let the door hit you on the way to hell. 

If you finished this, congratulations. Grammarly tells me that this takes an average of 12 minutes to read so thank you for sticking with me throughout this 2,500-word monster of a rant. You’re a real one. And if you still stan Vanya, then no worries. Believe it or not, I’m not against stanning Vanya. The problem is that most Vanya stans love her on the grounds of believing that she’s innocent, and the fact of the matter is that she’s not. It’s okay to like whoever you want to like, but acknowledge that your fave is problematic instead of being an idiot and naively trying to convince me of her innocence. The facts are on my side here, people. You’re not going to win this argument. 

[throwingideasatthewall]

The Clone Wars    Senate Murders

          (Season 2 Episode 15)

Ack      ....  So     are     we    going     to    address     the     guy      that    got     killed?      . .      Oh      This   is a new one       . . .         Oh       No       . . .        The        Bab        ies        -      Will       Only    Pro     Long

  Oh good

 [I was worried      I was going to have to pull out  The old   “Amidala kills children,”      Thing,]

   Any way,      That’s            Good        I like        babies not getting         hurt,         [Cute things in      general]    

      Oof           That’s           Not-

     [pretty sure       that’s the            point]

       Whelp

Well I have teased       Amidala pretty       unmercifully,      Regarding       That        Episode,        I do    still give her       a bit of slack          (Age    appropriate)       Because she still    has a chance to        un-feck the situation      [In the       story]

 Least we know    it      isn’t her getting   poison      ed this time,

 Oh,   never     mind,

That actually    did   apparently   help     (slightly)     (in the   unaccountable)        (Slightly           less       toxicity          in         air)

     Smooth

      Hold             Up           Wait,          Wasn’t              Ready           (Sus             Pect-           Ing-       Animation           That       smooth,

      I          think that was      Sa-        tine          -            Good         ref      (erence)          Picking       up        right       where       he      left        off  

   C-3PO

   Nice

  Whelp

-Windows        -

   Okay,        Minor        Issue?

  ?

  Oh it’s a whole bunch of them

   That’s nice-

      Senator            Stonk

“what will the public think   if I don’t want to make child soldiers,?”

     -Boomer

    (Probably)

   “But he wants to know    how very sorry he is,”

    Haha

      That   is the correct tone

  “Sorry-”

   Sorry doesn’t get you anything

   It’s an attempt to control the     narr-     ative

And    nothing else

 (If you screw up just      fix the problem     don’t keep dragging the tox,”

   Votes

  That’s nice

This is a very non-toxic         healthy tea

  (I know he’s kind of assuming authority          here

    But they   seem to be pretty close friends-

   Who are covered under the friend-      ship rules

“ A.k.a. not doing it to a random stranger who doesn’t like it,”

 Good rule

Oh God      It’s        

THAT

fucker..  

   ?

With the line about   convincing     other people of good?

I-

 Nope-

Note; this isn’t an official X

 It’s just a show my venomous   hatred of this guy..

And the episode he   Spawned    from

 Which was the first one to     earn a strike from me...

For normalizing    abuse...

With that in mind I give this episode the benefit of the     doubt...

  Even with that     concerning opening line

  So I will acknowledge I am slightly doubtful

 [not quite   putting on the   SWAT gear,    maybe just     a bat]

With that-     in mind- let’s continue...

... .

Mistakes       ...     

Em-     That at least counts as   one tox

Bring up the previous   things you did wrong     does not fix it

It’s guilt tripping

And an attempt to get the other party to validate   your toxicity

Dude’s      Towing..

Just after a joke   about how sorry doesn’t do anything

I hope the writers can see the irony in that

(Utilize          It)

  Peace         -         Dick

  Ah

   Hey-

[Repeat generations/friends can be friends with older     members,      just      Weird,]         -        Any       ,Way-

  Aight

  Ni’     gh    t’

 Ah- did they skip over to it or they   going?

“exciting isn’t quite the word   I would use,”

Toxic,     authority assuming,     enabling,

Authority assume     is not ok  regardless of what generation you   are

[Dude’s going to be a Traitor,        Isn’t he?

  They focused on him

  Might be actually a good bit of tension    if he didn’t      (Former   Separatist)

Terri-fying

Yeah surrounded by a bunch of toxic boomers   who will   feel free.    To be as doubting       distrustful.    negative     and overall unhelpful

As you allow

And they feel like pushing the   boundary...

Mind

Or-     gana

Dick move

It’s her     personal opinion       -      and it ain’t   tox?

People can have   dislikes

Not like she called you an   Overinvolved boomer       —        or held you to any   accountability       (Yet)          ...    

 Who order-

[This is getting really     tox

and I don’t trust the   writers           ✖️ Just   putting      it     over        there         in       case      I need it           .....

 Hm

 You

 ..  [Grooming        isn’t cool

 Self deprecation       isn’t either]

  Aight

  Hm

 Also there’s a process you need to go to to speak?

Money doesn’t   matter -

Killing    -      and     hatred      but       the   pacifistic        bitch        vilified

*Spoken   in  complement

She kicked     ASS   last episode

*sorry   for the vulgarity       I’m excited      . .       Also,    so is this     Padme’s episode.

 Cause        Neat.

 Good

 But are votes   casted by     clapping?

(I’m not sure)

 Okay

  Whelp

That’s     either a bad guy       or damn good red   herring

I’m intrigued

Also, whatever happened to     Clovis?

Like,      he still a        senator?

He get   kicked?

Uhm

Dude,

 False   appreciation

Also yeah     what was with that dude       earlier?

[Uncle what’s his name apologize to him for Padme’s comment despite Uncle what’s his name being the one who made it, implying dude took a serious issue with it,]

Also,   Oo, is this working of the previous quote about the line between friends and foes being blurred.

              [I like                  consistency]

So it has to be one of those guys,

The ones in the   room with her,

I’m putting a guess on   Senator-

 The one uncle       what’s- his-name         apologized to

      That guy

[Or it could be that guy that]

No actually he’s probably   abstain        ed for that reason

Sorry      I’m getting ahead          -     But it does say     “Murder,”

   And        I      am    curious        .     Really   going   over       -         Also    why   is that guy   bowing?

[Tran-slation?]

Right        .        obvious     villain       .

 Also   light bullshit..

There’s no-   way guy could’ve made it over there

The thing is still in session

We saw him less than a    minute ago

 And she just came in directly

[He’d be         halfway down the hallway]

For likely scope

Yeah, this dude is totally a     Red     Herring       -        He’s    way    too    over     the     top       ...    I’m putting my bets      On that human Senator          Guy           .       CHILD SOLDIERS      ARE BAD!       [sorry I just   felt the need to say that,]

  Okay,    Uncle-what’s his name-

Other person

 That guy-

  Drink      -ing!

  Nice

  Vi-ctory

   Oh, this looks like a problem

    Child groomers          In-       corporate-

    Off

Second Red herring!

(It’s that guy   and I’m sticking with        it)

  Private

  Yeah,  like how did he even get into the room without a key card?

  I know Amidala’s a senator and      by that,               A public      servant,         But you figure if they’re bringing out the    alcohol, they’d shut the door

   -Declare      off hours

  -For the celeb     ration-

 Separatist      Con        Spiracy-

   She has a     point-

   You did a     hundred percent enable his behavior

    (No argument            there)

      Pro- separatist

Ah, uncle back stabber there would contradict you

   Not sure if you’re the same species

But,       you do know about his bullshit,

Don’t assume accountability       free snarking             Territory           (They’re all enablers so I’m not even going to bother with the math,      About who screwed up more,          All the   elders   here are held to the same standard,       About,

 Uncle Backstabber a little more

   *Since I know what he did,

Account

From the most bastard,       of the group,

Who’s the next Red herring?

It’s that dude     I swear      Soon

Yeah child soldiering is a bitch

As is enabling

But she has no idea what’s going to happen     being the past.

Dick,    whelp,

Poor       Frita       (I think)

He’s going       he’s going to get roped into this too     isn’t he?

      “ We you must be doing something right,”

Nah,  enabling abusers  never a good idea

   But then again there’s no rules for dealing with trauma individuals because they aren’t supposed to be any

   How long that takes and what it entails

   Is down to who ever is        asserting accountability     (Excluding      the actual accountability, cutting      Them off)

That’s unnegotiable

(And it can’t involve   death)

Too.     harsh-

No you haven’t-

Well, yeah

But that’s     accessory at best     ... Ono you’ve done a wonderful job

No he hasn’t

Don’t coddle   the abuser

 He’s screwed up pretty consistently

 Pretty sure       it’s more than five

And was leading to let the future get     hecked         ...

 Very       Likely

He wasn’t hurt

The other lady   spent a lot more time defending

She should get the ‘don’t listen to them’

If anything just    ‘reflect the bitch’          (Neutral)          Aight    

     Too          Late!

      Can someone stop      playing the sad music?

      This isn’t sad

     And you can’t make me       sympathize for the abuser

   (I- don’t trust this     writer)

    That Dude sus

    Aight

  Faker-

He’s dying you        dumb ass

(Having a      heart attack       probably

  All the stress            of denial)

   Whelp

Call!

 Please

 Whelp

 -Oh wait      bitch is dead?

Uhm.

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD  the WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!    

 (I know that seems really harsh-            But dude- deserved it

And I never have to deal with that character        anymore!

So,

 Al-      right       the      funeral;

 Um,

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD  the WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!

 (I’m sorry I really hated that      character-)

* In reality      the loss of life is a very serious thing and      I don’t mean to make light of it

 But no one is required      to feel sad about their abusers-         Nor toxic individuals        Nor anyone else        Yes the loss of life is a     serious thing           But it should not             And could not         control a person’s life

I’ve always played accountability    over death          Or death   penalty           ...

“...was is a flawed man,”

  He tried to sell someone into   slavery...

  The fact that Amidala was an adult           and could get out of the situation           Doesn’t forgive        how terrible that situation was.

    Un-healthy           And        Wrong

   “Own    mistakes”

 And he tried to guilt trip everyone       into giving him validation

    Specifically           Amidala

      Every        occasion

    [Also      flawed          Some          one        breaking            the           code           once             or           twice,           (Under            five)            Is        flawed,

       This         dude          tox,  

       He should’ve been sentenced     to      accountability along time ago

    For trying to make the world      a generally terrible place for someone

    Multiple times-

  That’s not okay

   [and he clearly         didn’t learn his lesson]

    [Note; whether a person “learned their lesson” or not,            Is irrelevant

   [They already    knew the rules before]

But he never compromised his principles-

    HaHAha,

    What?

That’s because   dude didn’t have any principles

He broke them long before,

Also why the frick does Master Yoda care?

Dude    was          a      politic,

 The     Fuck,

He engaging this propaganda?

Why?

Why does he care about any of this.

Why does   ANY     one

[Satine, alright, hermen got murdered and she might be looking for evidence on who-done-it   That’s fair

?

Oh says it’s an everyone event

That makes sense

Guessing the Jedi are required   to come or else the branded as that asshole

Fair

 Eyes

Aight

What-      ever-

   ?

Why the guard?

Like cultural customs

Aren’t honor guards          for veterans      (And possibly extremely         high positions,      Like         Chancellor?

As technical commander of the army?

Like,      Explain?

That guy-

 Sus

 Very       Sus-

   Pas-         sed

    I’d say      to find his killer

     But yeah I can’t really   blame anyone for not    caring that much     about that dude

   Specifically      Amidala

(Though     accountability law..

   D

   Frita is honestly my favorite        character

   I don’t know       why.

     Possibly his relation to the           chancellor and how      he still a good natured guy,

     Aight

     Yeah     he was a dick,

Hope those aren’t memories     [also        totally the        Kamooin               B-            Right?

                    [Like                         I’m totally still after                          Dude, ]

But she’s   the only one that     touched the bottle]

That we saw?

Dude did suggest it

      Still        heavily          sussing              him                .          No           Face               .              Also       is that his wife?

     (Don’t think it was         ever established)

     I-

    Mentor

     ?

   How old is this person?

I’m gonna assume     adult

 So.

He toxically asserted   authority over me.

Or wrong choice of words and they meant like     “best friend”

 Cause that’s kind of     tox,

Me?

  - -

  This is     getting       Hella          tox

    You’re       a      person

    Yeah you might miss him   and that’s totally fine

     But-

You’re still a person completely able to   self determine.

   ‘ take his place,’

   Oh no

   Oh no

   Shit

   Just what she needs         overinvolvement 

   Right

   Not        threatening at all    

    Oh         Red           .         We        never       see      them      enter            .         Right            .            Well this turned from a private party     to a    Conference

   I thought he was just calling    to offer condolences.

   Questions.

Oh,    Did you not tell the loud ones what happened to their loved one?

  (Like normally I’m all for no one should      witness anyone else’s death          Or that news be public

   But this is assumed authority.         And that stuff is pretty normal

     Regardless       of how terrible.       Senator Fa

This guy seems like a drip

[Guessing that’s the reason why       Amidala is going to end up taking charge,]

Because      the Chancellor     hired a sham detector    Whelp

   Dick way to put it

  True, the protocol for murder          isn’t cutting and clear

   Dragging random people into it, isn’t

   You see it          you’re        immediately accountable,

      (Only by view of the body,          Not by word of mouth)

Because this kind of approach is super          in-effective,

  Whelp        Great

  Also there were thousands of       senators in that building that could screw up the thing

Only five

(I’ll give the        murder        mystery            It’s             Dues,           And           let it          continue,             But       (im-probabilit-           ies is not a good thing)

        Might              Want                    To                  Avoid

(Also     if that’s the     qualification;       I’m sussing         Amidala,          Dude      was                 a           dick           to          her)

    THOUGH              I’M STILL-         SUSS      -ING           DUDE       IN           Blue?     dude with the    beard

   That      one.

   Build-ing    <—-    He          Sus

   Him

—-

 Ha!

Here

Hey   that was almost emotion,      Nice

(also, dang how frequent are   murders?

Him

<—-

  He          Sus

   He didn’t take a seat         like everyone else

   [Also, it was purple    Dude wearing purple     that’s who I’m talking about]

Also are you going to introduce him as the     detective ?

‘cause you’re kind of   screwing with these people

Not   telling them what’s going on

Answering in vague Snark

Him.    ...

For no reason

Considering he was an uncountable toxic frick who allowed it lots of people to get hurt-

  I’m       mad,

 A ight

Right..

 And

Okay, He’s got a point

Immediate accountability     is the case murder     for good reason

Surprised they didn’t start       this right after the     murder

When it happened

Dude- [i’m not going to criticize       the spatial awareness]

Him

<—-

 Right         there

  Murder

A good point since     they really haven’t explained anything?

   Okay,         Right

Or anyone     stealthy

  Though yeah I guess    politicians

  [just don’t like the        generalization]

   Someone good        With he rbs..

  Okay.

  Neat.

  Insult.

Poor.   Frita

  He didn’t deserve     this,

(Well yeah he’s an enabler,)

But       He’s the least toxic..

[Also poor Frita,       Always       getting sucked into these mysteries

   He’s the shaggy        of this damn group

   [Likes food          and hanging out with people,          Gets dragged into      bullshit,

 Rip

Insulting     the whole damn room             .....            This character is                 obnoxious

            But in a fun way

             The narr              -atives-            clearly having fun

Ono        yeah       he   was    an   open   dick

  [Seriously they’re treating him    like-]

  ?

 No it couldn’t possibly be because he was an       ex separatist,

Open book         Case,

Con-troversial

 Politicians      arguing over basic human decency

   And common sense

    ‘Do we really.. Ok        that’s enough politic jokes

   The movie started it         so I had to finish it.

  Now on with.

      Dude drunk

     Dick

  “ I’m        totally-”

 Um, this is     delicious corruption

How long until     Amidala figures what’s going on?

  Whelp

He just     left?

   He really is a       quack

    Did you find him         on       fakedetectives.com?

     Palpatine?

    Crud

    Okay,

    That guy,

    Target

   Good

  Aight

Also it’s that guy     Authority ass-     umer sus,

  No       No,

Good plan

Ono

  Good      plan

  Evil.

  Aight

    .

  Good

In-vestigation

   Yes-       Good

    Let’s           Do           It           ...

    It’s that guy

    Him

He     -a dick

Also not to claim authority over   him

Not, not to be     cu-     rious-    -

No-pe

Authority   figures     don’t 

 He was an ass

Also yeah just     put   all the possible suspects in the room      -         That       Guy

Uhm

Ty-pho

Agana!

  That       fricker

   Onu          looked         at him         before         his death                 -             He came back last       to the party-

       He was the first             to suggest opening the drinks             -              Also the thing with the detective       and him just trying to get over as quickly as possible

        He sus,  

Aight,   

Right,       -       Don’t - get stabbed

Um-

Aight

Wha-

 Ha, such a red         herring-

 Okay-

Oh, Red herring        Co-nference

  Didn’t notice the     snake lady          (Kamoin)     Empty     Chair       -        Also     they know each other?

  Good,        evil for them,

  Fair

 Aight

Also yeah the         boomers here didn’t do it       -         More     likely someone from the Present     Gen.. . 

Theory

That      Guy..

Guy’s like damn

Like just give her your time and your place and       your alibi.

Whelp,       Aight

So I’m pretty sure if I had paid attention to the     bottles,        That wouldn’t have   matched up       ...

Yeah he was a separatist

              DAMN

    Like I saw the hand on the dock            But I thought it was an assassin        or team up

                But  

                 DAMN

                               I feel                                   verified

              Until it played music                       victory music                         Over the arrest                       of a distressed                        and less toxic                            person

*While   painting      the      toxic     person           as a        saint

                  Which I cannot                          condone

         As such;

                  it earns my most                             regretful                              strike;

Official;

   For attempting to     excuse a toxic       person’s          actions

* I want to emphasize that this is not ok, a person does not get off for un- accountable actions, simply by apologizing, never mind the fact          - that it is an attempt    to guilt-trip       Invalidate          And      Gas-    light               The       Recipient,       But also should not apply to someone that has repeatedly attempt to Gaslight, guilt trip and sell a person into slavery;         (Crossing more than five accounts)

[never mind the selectivi       ty of what it is applied        “Ano” getting away         With slavery, be        -cause he        Was “So-      rry,” gun        held to      (-near)        his       Back      While      Lolo       doesn’t     just   mummer      sorry)

         That once you commit harm              against another person.. it can                not be taken back, the victim       owes you no sympathy, no    right to their emotions, and        certainly, no un      accountability-       Forgive      Ness-      From what you have done.

   You must live with what you have        commit

   Regard        Less

[lilietsblog]

my mirai nikki liveblog notes from last night

yandere is a gross and creepy fandom trope beloved by gross and creepy fandom dudes but I really like Mirai Nikki and personally Gasai Yuno, and I hope she finds some stability in her mind orrr she could kill either herself or Yukki to get the other to be the god of time and space and I'm honestly not sure which of those would be a healthier decision or more fascinating to watch. but i dont want this ending bc of the cop )= (my taste in anime is impeccable)

I like how Yukki is still majorly creeped out by Yuno, even if making out with her is no longer even a Big Thing for him

WHY DID THIS THING JUST HAPPEN THIS IS LIKE THE WORST POSSIBLE SCENARIO HONESTLY WHAT THE FUCK I like the girl just snapping photos of everything I aspire to be this chill

Yuno if you fuck up Yukki's friendships because you are jealous I'm going to be very cross with you that's exactly what you're going to do isn't it I mean you've been 100% right about Tsubasa and you've been actually very charismatic with Yukki's mom but I can just feel the trainwreck coming

huh, they all end up just hanging out together, that's surprisingly nice I'm glad things other than blood and carnage are allowed to happen in this anime it won't last long will it

shine shine shine wow Yuno maybe chill

Mao and Hinata, I swear I'm going to remember this

HINATA PLEASE OH PLEASE DON'T GET MURDERED BY A SERIAL KILLER WHAT THE FUCK ANIME WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME THESE THOUGHTS DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE HAVE ME BE RIGHT ABOUT THE FORESHADOWING

okay what followed was teeth snapping not blood from a bitten throat so maybe she won't die after all thank god

NO HINATA WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO GET EATEN ON PURPOSE YOU ARE THE PUREST CREATURE IN THIS ENTIRE ANIME PLEASE DONT DIE

guys you are discussing it with them walking right behind you how well have you thought this through I guess they were further behind?

I SURE HOPE RUNNING CHANGED THE FUTURE AND SHE IS STILL ALIVE

Akise is another Diary owner isn't he

I feel Yukki on his Definite Overload With Everything

I sure hope those are not Akise's dogs that Akise deliberately set on them to engineer this situation

hm well at least this is not personally Akise, doesn't mean he's not affiliated with this guy at the very least they seem to share hair color

I love Mary tho

hmmm this might actually not be the guy with the flesh eating dogs, these look different okay I'm holding off on further speculation right now and giving it a tentative 50/50, as well as to Akise turning out to have been behind the attack

okay what the FUCK that looks like Hinata

fuuuck i am SO tempted to like Akise but that would also come with a sore wish to have him Join The Team and I hoped that for Tsubasa too >_> my heart can't take it

...that feeling when Yuno is being the Voice of Reason

aaand it's gone

shit I hope Yukki figures out what to do about this shit situation because I'm out of ideas HEY NICE PUTTING THAT DIARY TO WORK I SURE AS SHIT HOPE THERE WON'T BE AS MANY DEAD BODIES AS WITH THE SIXTH THO TO BE FAIR THEY WERENT NAMED CHARACTERS I HOPE THESE KIDS' PLOT PURPOSE IS NOT TO DIE POINTLESSLY HINATA WAS ENOUGH OF A SACRIFICE WHICH I WAS RIGHT ABOUT BTW DEPRESSINGLY ENOUGH STILL DIDN'T EXPECT THIS THO this anime just kind of keeps escalating in ways I fail to expect time after time

please Yukki don't tell them about your diary there's nothing about that that's not a bad idea don't drag them into this aaand of course that's what you're doing and once again, Yuno is me

aaand there's Mao isn't there fuck not the one I was expecting at least thank you Akase for it not being you

okay Hinata is alive that's fair enough except she won't be for long will she why must you take away Pure things from me anime why ugggghhhh

a Breeder's diary??? oh right dogs whew

oh my god Akise too????? okay this is kind of hilarious now I hope they go for a reverse of the temple thing and he actually gets to join the squad I guess the girls were doomed because of Yuno anyway but he has a chance

so I think Deus rigged this whole game specifically for Yukki his random observations diary made the future diary a very interesting idea and a very powerful tool but then Deus threw a bunch of various... interesting characters into it, and I imagine physical proximity (or ability and willingness to get around fast) and, ah, interestingness of character were the main criteria, and he went for ANY kind of diary at all, which made most of theirs much less potent

another thing I'm thinking is I've been noticing the small child holding hands with ?parents? in the end credits for a while, and it looks like Hinata, and she might be an important character

maybe this anime just burned through a few expendable characters at the beginning to set up the situation and create the athmosphere, and the main plot is going to be about a bunch of high schoolers after all, because that's just how anime rolls - high schoolers would be the major characters out of the whole bunch of diary owners

so maybe they're not all dying next episode is what i'm trying to say

Murmur is amazing btw

hum so Akise got his diary late? or does he not have one after all oh my god I love Akise so much already his expression here like 'i can't believe i'm going along with this' and yet he's going along with this like sure ok

aaand SUDDEN DORK MODE oh no I have a new favorite character please don't turn out to secretly be a mass murderer that's all I ask ;~; hum might he not actually have a diary after all dammit these are supposed to be post credit scenes not revealing plot twists I'm just confusing myself at this point aren't I

lol oh my god they thought Akise was a diary owner but he's just a guy who's good at investigation isn't he

or is he??? godfuckingdammit I need to stop doing this to myself theorizing is a bad habit that I get way too into I don't like bumpy rides of plot twists I like being able to follow what the fuck is going on )=

yeah he does not have a diary nor any idea what's going on does he lol I called it seconds before Yuno caught on it's kind of interesting how it seems her job is to be the genre savvy one, whose usefulness is however kind of fucked up by her brain cockroaches

Yuno??????? why are you doing this HE IS TRYING TO WIN BACK YUKKI'S DIARY WHY WHY WHY HE IS ON YOUR SIDE DOn'T FUCK UP HIS GAME

I guess she caught on that he was bluffing but??? ??? ???

and Akise's just going nuts and laughing because what else is left to do honestly

Akise why are you so fucking likable how dare you I'm actually angry at this development HAVE A FLAW DAMN YOU I CANNOT RELAX BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT I CANNOT TRUST WHAT I AM SEEING THIS FUCKING ANIME

oh man I thought they were lesbians when Mao first brought up that she's taken, but this is V Cute

oh my fucking god Akise have you MISSED Yuno's thing in your investigation or are you doing this ON PURPOSE

wait what just happened was that yandere on yandere combat or what

Mao what the fuck were you doing

Yuno you are an ASSHOLE I hope everyone other than Yukki keeps just ignoring everything you say and do

I love this one normal guy who's kind of a dick and just reacts normally to things and his contrast to Akise whom I love

honestly Yukki I agree I think I DON'T WANT TO is the only argument Yuno can be receptive to

oooor that only makes things worse huh Yuno honey please settle down believe in Yukki a little more than that

oh hey good solution even if it's just getting yourself deeper in I guess in a BLOOD DEATH situation it's kind of the best available option

"You don't want me to hate you, do you?" A+ game Yukki hit her where it hurts aka explain basic facts of human relationships >_>

aaand yep he's freaking out because he doesn't even like her that way and he's getting deeper and deeper in )=

oh my god Hinata's dad do you realize you've GIVEN HER YOUR DIARY YOU DUMB FUCK ALL ANYONE PRESENT NEEDS TO DO TO KILL YOU IS BREAK IT

uuunless that was a lie huh can't deny that possibility

lol Akise also has voice of reason tendencies <3

hum okay dammit I liked the cop a lot then again Akise is like him+ as far as having an Awesome detective character goes and Yukki has a Squad his age now I'm surprised by how well this went actually

another episode and I'm going to sleep (yes i'm aware these are Cursed Words but what if I'm lucky)

Yuno? Uh, are you okay?...

see the thing is I really can't find a way to apply to this anime the standards of 'healthy relationship with a mentally ill person' because PEOPLE ARE DYING AND EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE LET'S PUT THAT OFF UNTIL THE FUCKING GAME IS OVER like Yukki can't just ditch Yuno because she keeps fucking saving his life??? and Yuno can't just resolve to Not Murder because that keeps fucking saving both of their lives??? they can't do what would have been the Reasonable Thing To Do under normal circumstances because these SURE AS FUCK AREN'T NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES

oh please girl are you sure anyone's MAKING you do anything

wait what the fuck is going on here oh it's Murmur fucking around isn't it yep there it is

hum

okay I'm not sure what's happening like, what? seriously? what the fuck

okay so that's what happened huh that still leaves a lot of holes but okay

uh Akise why what makes you think this is a good idea I mean I've noticed you don't exactly have conventional emotional responses to fucked up stuff either but like seriously

oh Yukki you're starting to become more OK with murder that's just the world you live in huh

awww he cares about her when they are one on one as much as he cares about EVERYONE which he does because he is wonderful and I love him it's just in mixed company that Yuno's stalkerish shit gets lower priority to everyone else's normal shit and Yukki is 100% right in that

aha I'd been wondering whose last name I forgot

ahhh so that's what he was doing that makes more sense than him being a shipper on deck -_- just throwing Yukki under the bus for the sake of investigation that's p much normal... by this anime's standards...

also holy damn Yuno you can work when you try hum self-induced amnesia or something? that's almost a sensible coping mechanism I'm glad the anime is actually paying attention to that

augh what the fuck Kurusu why do you gotta hum and there's that other detective uuugh this anime has way too much going on I guess it IS 11 pm and I HAD decided to go to sleep after this

[ecotone99]

[OT] Going on a whim.

So here i am. Sad. Depressed. Poor. Unhappy. There are a lot of ways to describe my feelings. However they all have the same root issue. I'm doing nothing to change them. Now i'm describing old issues with new terms to compare my issues to others and really confusing myself thinking my problems are much worse than they really are, and i go down this spiral why? And the day I asked myself that question “why?” is the day things started to change. No it wasn't immediate, but everytime i asked myself why i was feeling or doing something i was not pleased with, It was a reminder of hatred of the life I was living. We humans have a unique ability to rationalize our thoughts however only if we actually think to do it. And there lies problem number one. We choose to ignore our dissatisfaction because that was “easier” than thinking and doing things differently. We are victims of our own minds, addicted to routine and scared to veer off course even though nothing we are doing is making our problems go away or get any better, and the fear we have only gets masked by the fact nothing will change and everything will be okay because we survived today. Sound like you?

So what do we do? We change. And yes it is that simple. Of Course there are some exceptions to the rule, and this is in no way meant to tackle your diagnosed depression or any form of medical issue, please listen to the advice of your doctor.

If you want to be better nothing should stop you from achieving that, especially you. Yes there are problems that don't have solutions, but if youre reading this, youre reading to better yourself. Not to pick apart the small details that you're going to try to rationalize and make yourself think this is all a load of bullshit. If you're telling yourself you can't solve a problem you gave up too soon. There doesn't need to be a perfect solution written in stone, nor does the solution even need to exist yet, if it doesn't exist, create it. Am i starting to sound like a dad now? Fun fact. I am, however i have seen this thought process work. Not just with myself. But with my family and amongst the few living in this society who found their sweet spot. I have seen solutions to problems create themselves out of sheer will of wanting them to work. Have you ever considered the reason you can't google your problems and find simple fixes is because everyone googling that same question and writing on forums...also hasn't gone above and beyond to find the solution? You give up and wait to let others solve your problems another fun fact, you're going to be waiting awhile. And when that magical fix all that describes all your problems and claims to have the perfect solution know what else is attached to that? A price tag. see, The people who are creating solutions to problems are not doing it for nothing. They wanted to change, they changed. And they found a way to make money in the process. So in no way am i talking down on that mentality because it's great! Props to all those people who figured out that we don't need to have a path paved… to pave a path. You just need to want it, and you need to keep telling yourself that every day. Every. Day.

So what gives me the credentials to tell you all this? Nothing. What education do I have on the subject? Well years of failure but besides that, not much. What skills do I possess on the subject? Pretty much nothing except common sense. So Why listen to me? Im not making you, i don't even know if you made it this far in the read. Think of this read as “my plan” cause lets be honest here, i am writing this to better myself, because over all the years of telling myself i don't have any writing capabilities i said fuck that, now here i am writing whatever you want to call this.

This read will consist of everything I hate about the way our society lives. From the suing companies out of sheer stupidity to shitting on people for trying to do a good thing regardless of the negative or positive publicity that comes with it and people taking simple jokes as personal attacks.

People are too opinionated and thanks to social media everyone for some reason needs to care. I haven't quite figured this part out yet. Why do so many people care about dick and jane? What are they doing that's so important that it affects your emotions and causes people to act like assholes in disagreement. Now i'm not talking about anything political or in the terms of a way a country should run, you should always care about this stuff because it is your home. Make it your home, but choose the things to care about based off education, not emotion when it comes to this stuff emotion leads you to making the wrong choice which will entice disagreements which in turn has people attacking your character because you based your facts on emotion, not education, now you're backpedaling trying to make sense of what you originally thought and then that harsh reality hits.

What would happen if instead of looking at peoples positives in a negative light… you just stopped caring about it all together because let's face it, the energy you're wasting fuming at a problem that has nothing to do with you… even if its a subject you are extremely passionate about… is what your thinking and wanting to do … rational? Or is the emotion you feel the exact reaction the writer/commenter/speaker wanted to draw out? Families are a different struggle, what if i disagree with my Spouse? Child? Sibling? Parents? If I just stop caring they will just get up and leave. You're not wrong my friend, you certainly need to choose your battles, maybe a better approach to family related issues is seeing it from their perspective, agreeing with them and moving on even when you don't truthfully see it in their eyes. if it's merely a hypothetical your life will be easier to agree and move on, but also seek the education in their opinion, because frankly the “crazy” ideas often bear the most fruit and two minds can usually polish a crazy idea and turn it into a practical one. If it's something they are extremely passionate about you should be supportive, not an asshole. This is a category i struggle with myself but who am i to tell my family what they think is stupid? They probably think me writing this is stupid and that's 100% fine, i know i am bad at this, and a role model to no one, but what am i going to do about it? I'm going to start caring when it's hard to care i will subconsciously remind myself to care in situations like this, again its that unique ability humans have to think about their own thoughts, so what negative implications will i have from caring more about my family? None if you don't look for them however if you search you will find, stop wasting energy looking for problems. Here's the grey area we operate in, we don't need to care about the small stuff. What family wants is support, not criticism, they are going to get criticism everywhere else, they don't need that shit at home too. If it's not detrimental to life, find balance and move on. people try to draw out emotion all the time, it's very profitable to do so. But what you choose to have emotions about is completely your choice. Don't let people influence your emotion. This read is not meant to influence your emotion, i'm merely telling you it's possible to not be an asshole when you disagree with someone, and that you're capable of doing what dick and jane do, if you stop caring so much about them. And care about what they are achieving. And put the same effort of your dissatisfaction into obtaining what they have. Did they say something that stuck a nerve? Why? Why does it affect you so much? It doesn't. They want you to think it involves you but it doesn't, never has, never will, end of story. Stop beating yourself up about the thoughts of another just because they don't align with your own theory, instead seek to understand their perspective, and if you don't see it yourself that's fine too, but keep it to yourself, that's how you avoid conflict based on emotion. There is no point in arguing with someone about something they are passionate about, you won't win, and that will lead to anger and saying irrational stuff not even pertaining to the subject. Has this ever happened to you? It sure does with me. All the time.

Here stems problem number 2. Why do i always need to feel “right” when there is nothing wrong about being wrong. Being wrong is great, it allows you to learn and not make the same mistakes again. But sometimes when people hear no, they get offended. Why? Why get offended because someone disagrees with you. You in fact may be right, however changing the other person's mind is going to take more than a quick back and forth argument, is that really worth the time and effort? And what do you gain? One person who sides with you? Or maybe even a larger group of people. But what does that gain you. Does everyone agreeing with you give you more than just an ego? Be honest with yourself and ask. If i change Jane’s mind what do i gain...other than someone agreeing with me. So what am i doing about this problem for myself? I'm constantly reminding myself that only i can see the direction i want to go, the path i want to follow, and the things i want to do or see. I don't need anyone to agree with my principles. They are not public principles which require the community to vote where im allowed to travel, or what i'm allowed to wear say or do. They are mine. So if i had any advice here, its let your principles be yours, they don't need to be a public dick measuring contest, you don't need approval from society. Stop thinking you do.

Were growing up in a society of inclusion which i also think is great. However the way inclusion is exercised in reality makes me scratch my head. Rewarding people for simply showing up builds egos at such a young age, they are miserable later on. Always wanting stuff given to them and not actually willing to put in the effort. How do i know? Im of that generation, and i was that dickhead prior to discovering who i wanted to be. However i must say it's driving business. Never before have you had the ability to spend $25 hard earned dollars on a $10 meal, simply due to laziness or lack of time. New companies are solving issues that are created because of our lifestyles and they are the ones making all the money, while we look at our massive piles of debt that grow because everything you see is an ad for something that wants your money.

So who am i and why am i saying all this? Let's say my name is Rhonin Oaks, i'm a youngin on paper, but my life experiences make up my resume. Currently i reside on the east coast of canada, in a small annoying town of about 10k. I have a young daughter and an amazing spouse, they are why i am writing this. I am bettering myself for them. Nobody else. Nobody else matters to me. I grew up in the same town i currently reside, but i've lived in many different provinces with plans to be mobile again soon, not to run from problems but to stop living in fear of change. Currently i'm working in the financial sector, but i've worked in telecommunications, call centers, fast food, labour, oil industry and retail. So besides healthcare, i think i've worked for every type of industry the general public loves to hate. Every morning i wake up and read the news while im taking my morning shit, just to always be reminded of how people actually felt about the industries i just so happen to work in. and it didn't happen just once, i worked for a bank...cbc marketplace video goes viral about how banks were operating, also i may add everything in that news segment was true at the time, however i cannot speak on that currently. Then it was telecommunications and the evil rise of their thousands of employees reaching out to cbc marketplace and that goes viral too. I actually thought this gray cloud was following me. So how does that play on my mental health? It sucks. Having crippling anxiety every morning not knowing what customer was going to reem into you because they are upset about something. Or you made a mistake and feel like you're going to be a news story yourself. I honestly felt that this cloud of bullshit was following me, and soon. I was going to be the target. Ridiculous right? Well i didn't think so for many years. It caused me so many health issues...and for what? I’ve gained nothing. Nothing except the experiences i'm writing to you today. But i did come to one conclusion, when people can't solve their problems, they play bully to someone who can. Reaching out to media about the affairs of a business doing business, just because you don't like your $2000.00 overage fees for something that was completely in their control to avoid. They reach out to the media to see if the pressure comes down hard enough on the company that they bend and do a refund. How is that fair to anyone at all? Own your mistakes people. Im owning mine to a degree that i will have this published somewhere as a constant reminder of what i once was and what i will become, and you know what they say… once on the internet always on the internet. I'm not running anymore. I'm not suppressing these negative feelings im working to get rid of them forever and ever. Do i consider myself successful? Currently no, i haven't achieved my level of what i consider success. However, i'm on the right path.It was not streamlined nor written in a book. I've read dozens of self help books, and i've taken something from each and every one of them. I mean i'm here writing my own in a way. I had to take all the pieces of the puzzle and put myself together. There is no one shoe fits all solution to life i used to think that was called marijuana, i was wrong, more on that later. So what do i define as my own success? Success to me isn't how much money i make, the car i drive, where i live or anything materialistic. It's how i feel when i wake up. Success is waking up and already knowing what my day will consist of, sure there will be surprises but i will be prepared to handle them. Success to me is being prepared enough to for every day life to the point it no longer affects my mental health which turns into anger and aggression towards my loved ones. My loved ones mean more to my success than anything else. I'm a provider, being able to provide for my family is my success. And this is why i say i have not achieved the level of success that i want to. How am i getting there? Well i'm glad you asked. Once i discovered that providing for my family was something i would stop at no end to achieve i opened the book of problems that would all need to be solved.

This is where the fun begins, once i had my vision of success in my head it was time to get it on paper. I had to dissect my flaws. But rhonin what if i can't see my flaws? If you can't see your personal flaws, look at the problematic parts of your life, what do you stress about and why are you stressing over it, search for your flaws there. Let me give you a personal example, i want to provide for my family so we don't need to worry what tomorrow will bring, i know i make enough money to do so however i'm still not hitting my goals. Now it's time to dig out the bank and credit card statements, where is my money going? I made $48k before tax in the year of 2018, my total expenses for living came to just under $30k so where is that other $18k? What do i have to show for it? But to make matters worse. Not only did that $18k disappear, i added an additional 6k of credit card debt. So i made $48k, spent $54k, so here lies flaw one that i have discovered in myself. I suck with money and its causing financial stress on my family which is not allowing me to feel successful (ironic i work for a banking institution and i suck with my own money) So rhonin, where did your money go? Well, McDonalds and Tim Hortons got a nice chunk. My drug dealer got the other chunk. When i looked back i discovered i was spending $1000 a month on take out and just as much on marijuana. So what now? Clearly i have a problem that is going to take more than just knowing about it to fix. How am i fixing it? Pain is the answer. Because everything comes with some degree of pain. My pain comes from eating foods i dislike because they are what i can afford. My pain is coming from the withdrawal of not smoking, not being able to sleep, and when i do, waking up like i just got out of the shower and have to change my bed sheets every night, let me tell ya, i have nothing but respect for anyone going through this pain.

Pain is the trade off for success, how much pain are you willing to absorb to accomplish your goals? this is where most people fail, they don't realize there are compromises to be made when you want to achieve something, that or they feel like they are strong enough to complete their task but only to the point that it gets hard, then they give up and lose interest. But this can also be a good thing and people put themselves down all the time because this repeated philosophy of not succeeding at something makes you a failure, but just because you lose interest in something and don't complete it doesn't make you a failure, it opens you up to new opportunities, clearly if you lose interest, you weren't that passionate to begin with and your success in that field would be limited to the pain you're willing to take to get there, why settle for a plan that's going to bottleneck your success. Pursuing something to feel successful is a great first step, just understand the first idea you get, may not work. You may get to idea 100 before something sticks. With social media pushing all these fun and exciting things in your face, it skews people's ability to find what truly makes them happy, they see what makes other people happy and they generalize that happiness thinking it will make them happy to. This is how successful marketing works and that's why you should never pay attention to it. I haven't used social media in terms of facebook, instagram, snapchat or whatever else floats your boat in many years. Do you really know 400 people or more? Do you actually care about 400+ people? If you don't and are just being nosey into the lives. Why do you care about their life if you aren't close to them? Are you comparing dicks? Delete their stress from your life. You don't need people to compare yourself too. Compare yourself to your previous self that is what you should be doing to feel happy. Dont be better than dick and jane, be better than you!

Currently i am in the process of quitting smoking marijuana as i mentioned earlier, it's hard. It sucks. But im doing it. Why? Because the person i am now is not the same person my spouse fell in love with. I changed, and not for the better. I was a frequent smoker for the last three years, however i did not smoke anything when i met my spouse and she fell in love with my character, years of smoking and living in a rut, smoking more to compensate for bigger problems in our lives, i became a shitty person. To my family. And to myself. I just so luckily managed to also get a rare illness THC induced pancreatitis is my life now, and no, there isn't a lot of research to go off of for this illness. However it only flares up when i am smoking. Pancreatitis in just its regular form is a pain in the ass so having a version that flares up when i'm doing something i enjoyed was just a slap in the face, and in case you weren't aware, pancreatitis unless taken care of very well not just temporarily but permanently will become cancerous, being my dumb ass self tho, i didn't care, i continued to smoke for another year before im taking the initiative to quit. I tortured my body and potentially reduced my life span because i was too stupid to open my eyes and do something about my problems. No more. No i don't think marijuana is bad for everyone it's gotten me through a lot of hard times but when i look back, i would have made it though those problems anyways and i realized this only recently.

I was one lazy son of a bitch, dishes might have gotten done once a month. Laundry hamper overflowing floors unswept and garbage that smells like shitty baby diapers and rotten food, and the fruit flies, holy shit the fruit flies. I couldn't even make a meal without getting bugs in it. What the hell am i doing? Why would i want my child to grow up in this mess. What example am i setting for her? A terrible one. My daughter is amazing, she's always smiling and she's slept through the night since 4 weeks old. I can't really say i had the “tired dad” look all the time, because i slept great. She was amazing, she was the daughter i needed because she was the daughter i was able to take care of. I truly feel for the parents who were up every 2 hours or more with their child. I didn't have these struggles but i know if i did, my daughter may not even be in my possession. So what am i doing? I cleaned up my act. Im doing chores daily (work in progress) but i'm getting there. I'm quitting smoking. Im being there for my family when they need me and all these steps towards a better life is making me happier in the progress and when i finally can say i have this shit under control. I will feel successful.

Having a game plan is very important because you don't want to tackle every issue at once, for instance when im quitting smoking, other chores will piss me off and make me think i need to smoke. Seems counterproductive eh? Have stages, but make your stages known to the people you're close too. Once they see what you're willing to do, but want to do it smart and not all at once with a higher rate of success. You will get support, if you dont are they really worth keeping around? Family or not, choose those to be in your life that propel you forward. Not hold you back.

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[platatoandsoquoquediscovern-blog]

Soquoque discovers:

My thoughts while watching Eclipse: in up to 80 sentences

1.      I am watching Twilight, right? Oh, there’s the vampires… or at least the shadow of one

2.      Do they all normally play with their food like this?

3.      Ok, there is no way she bit his hand, absolutely not. I’m calling bullshit

4.      Wow, Edward has really long side burns

5.      Whoa whoa whoa, 2 minutes into the movie and there’s already a marriage proposal? Pace yourself guys, this movie is like 5 hours long

6.      Hello there Charlie, fancy seeing you here again

7.      Why is everyone in this movie trying to make deals or negotiate with everyone else? You guys ever heard of holding your ground?

8.      Edward Cullen: vampire, sparkler, high jumper, mechanic

9.      Wait, Bella still has friends? How? She’s like the worst friend ever, why are they all still there.

10.  The Cullen’s really need to work on their poker faces. Or else people might start getting suspicious of the weird, pale, impossibly good-looking family

11.  Edward continues to lie to Bella even though WE ALL KNOW how that turned out literally any other time before this

12.  Bella is only concerned about the fact that she isn’t a vampire yet; Bella, there are people dying asshole, who gives a shit if the Voltari see that you’re still human.

13.  Lol, Edward is a terrible actor. I wouldn’t quit your day job

14.  Ah I freaking love Charlie man

15.  Hold up, they’re already in Florida? We didn’t even get a plane scene? Oh come on Twilight, you have time for Bella staring off into the sunset but not this?

16.  EVERYONE in this movie knows that there is something seriously weird about Bella’s relationship with Edward except for Bella.

17.  She really is incredibly pale isn’t she

18.  This scene man. All the Cullen’s and the wolves and Victoria still manages to get away? That’s some bullshit

19.  Yes she will Jasper, yes she will.

20.  Stupid wolf attacks Emmet instead of, you know, the vampire they were ALL CHASING!

21.  Of course she wouldn’t Edward, Bella doesn’t listen to anyone, hence Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn Part 1 and 2.

22.  Love that Jacob intro music yo

23.  WHY WOULD YOU STILL LIE AT A MOMENT LIKE THIS! Edward, you fool- the jig is up my man.

24.  Jacob is confused by Bella’s hostility towards him… Jacob must have not have been present during the events of New Moon

25.  Wait, did she just skip school? How is this chick even graduating? I swear I only saw her attend class like twice in all three movies.

26.  AAAAHHHH original Leah…and I don’t care

27.  Btw, who are all these shirtless dudes? Jacobs pack? Since when? I mean I get that it couldn’t just be Jacob, but these random dudes are hella random and thus I do not care nor am I at all invested in their lives. Soooo moving on.

28.  Imprint foreshadowing… although nothing would have prepared us for the actual imprinting.

29.  Would we have known if you had imprinted Jacob? Would we really? How exactly, since these Twilight fuckers only seem to tell us really important information after the fact

30.  Is this angry Jacob? Is this really all he’s got? Am I the only one underwhelmed here?

31.  “Bella, they’re not even alive” lol, true Jake, so very true

32.  AAAAHHH wannabe creepy Edward is hella creepy

33.  Call me sadistic but wouldn’t it make more sense for Riley to have killed Charlie right now? I mean they want to hurt Bella, right? Wouldn’t killing her father do that? Or at the very least kidnapping him?  Look, I love the guy and all but this weird Riley watching Charlie sleep and leaving him completely unharmed doesn’t make any sense

34.  Ah the Cullen house. Bella and Edward need to negotiate with Carlisle to keep this house because it is beautiful

35.  “Now let’s all just sit around in a nice little circle and discuss what Edward smelt in Bella’s room, shall we?” – The Cullen’s, probably

36.  …Uhm Jacob, she has Jacob. I mean, you don’t have to be a mind reader to figure that out Edward

37.  Lol, that Switzerland line is probably one of the worst lines in this movie

38.  Quick question: why exactly is Bella so special again? I mean you all are basically ready to die for her, so I would just like to know why exactly

39.  I hope he doesn’t own any shirts Edward, have you seen Taylor Lautner’s abs? Don’t deprive the audience of that

40.  Also, lol are they seriously having a dick measuring contest right now, in the middle of the street? Interesting.

41.  And now for the history section of the movie- anyone mind if I go grab some water really quickly? No? Okay cool, thanks.

42.  Oh shit, I missed some stuff. Uhm… new-borns? Armies? Alliteration? I’m intrigued

43.  How can you idiots think it’s the Voltari? Isn’t this a bit low profile for the creepy vampire government?

44.  Oh I see, it was to drag this movie on wasn’t it? And now we have yet another Edward and Bella whisper-talking scene. Awesome.

45.  Blah blah, you can’t be a vampire Bella, blah blah

46.  Where are we right now, we can’t still be in forks right?

47.  Yeah Jacob, YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH BELLA, WE KNOW. WE HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN. JEEZ, WOULD YOU JUST TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT AGAIN.

48.  Yeah, she’s not. She’s rushing into it for completely different reasons asshole.

49.  Bam! Punch to your stupid face. Take that wolf boy

50.  I fucking love this scene man- not the Jacob and Edward pissing match, but Charlie’s breaking up of the fight.

51.  “I kissed Bella, and she broke her hand…punching my face-total misunderstanding.” -ICONIC

52.  And now we get Rosaline? Rosalee? Nikki Reed’s character’s backstory, yay. Btw, she was the badass- killing your ex-fiancé while draped in a beautiful wedding dress? Fucking priceless

53.  Great, now Bella is shipwrecked- wait? Oh shit, wrong movie. My bad (I’m also simultaneously watching Snow White and the Huntsman, for some reason)

54.  Ugh, we get it, being a vampire sucks- when do we get to the ‘Eclipse’ part of the movie?

55.  Also, this movie sure does make a big hoopla around the fact that turning into a vampire will basically ruin Bella’s life and is a totally bad call and then immediately goes on to disregard all of that in the next two movies. So, I guess what I’m saying is, all of this is just one big enormous waste of time.

56.  Full disclosure: I left for about 10 minutes…ah man, I missed the training session? Fuck.

57.  But while we’re on the topic, wtf was the point of that anyway? I get that the wolves needed to know about how to defeat the new-borns and all, but couldn’t Jasper have sent them an email? Or a memo? A tweet?

58.  Yay, now we get Jasper’s backstory; are Emmet’s, Alice’s, Carlisle and Esme’s going to be in the next movie? No? Then wtf is the point of all of this!

59.  Petition for a twilight spin-off where we see how all the other vampire couples in this movie met, because I am willing to bet good money that those are a hell of a lot more interesting than Bella and Edward’s story.

60.  Lol, Bella figures out that Victoria is behind everything because she needed to do something, right?

61.  STOP BEING A CHILD BELLA, THEY’RE ALL TRYING TO SAVE YOUR FUCKING LIFE!

62.  I really do love Jasper

63.  He said RUN Jacob, not walk at a glacial pace.

64.  And then this jackass just straight up stops. Are you people not on the clock? Army of new-borns approaching to kill everyone? Anybody?

65.  Ok, one more time I promise- I love Charlie!

66.  She was literally just about to come inside the house Edward, calm down dude

67.  Ok, I get that the Cullen’s live in the woods, and don’t have any visitors and stuff but wouldn’t it be like a logical precaution to have actual beds in the house? Just in case? I can’t be the only one who thinks this is a good idea.

68.  …Uhm, okay now we’re in the mountains. Cool (lol, no pun intended)

69.  They really should have planned better for this trip, just saying.

70.  Worst. Sleep-acting. Ever

71.  You know, a part of me wishes that Bella did actually chose Jacob and then the next movie is just a moping Edward trying to deal with his heartbreak and then he meets Klaus Mikaelson and the two of them plot to kill Jacob and take over Forks. Doesn’t that sound like an epic movie?

72.  why, Why, WHY ON EARTH DOES SHE ASK JACOB TO KISS HER? THIS MAKES NO SENSE, STOP TRYING TO FORCE THIS RELATIONSHIP ON US YOU BASTARDS!

73.  Most. Understanding. Fiancé. Ever (also, Bella is a dick to her fiancé)

74.  “it’s starting” fucking finally

75.  These new-borns may be strong, but they can’t fight for shit

76.  Who is this little girl, and why am I supposed to care?

77.  Oh shit, Victoria. Also, AAAAHHHH new actress playing Victoria is as uninteresting as her predecessor

78.  “You’re dead” No Riley, you’re dead. nice seeing you though

79.  Ding dong the (red-headed changed actress) witch is dead

80.  Fucking bullshit surprise new-born is bullshit. Also, DID YOU LEARN NOTHING FROM THE TRAINING SESSION JACOB

81.   ‘Hang in there”? Hang in there? For the love of all things good and pure, please SHUT UP Bella. We really don’t need your utterly useless advice right now.

82.  Out of place Voltari are completely, and totally unexciting

83.  AAAAHH sweaty Taylor Lautner… he’s still pretty though- oblivious and unbearably naïve, but still pretty

84.  Jacob, sweetie, please just stop. You’re embarrassing yourself.

85.  They really do love that field, don’t they?