#don't try to tell me it's impossible for them to have at least 10 minutes of s5 already filmed

[schemmentis]

La Cosa Nostra - Pt. 18

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14 / Part 15 / Part 16 / Part 17

Cowritten w/ @janeyseymour

Summary: The aftermath...

WC: 2.9k

Within minutes, there are first responders barreling into the house. Luca watches as they load all four of the Schemmentis into the ambulances. They pull out with their sirens blazing. If any of the four are still alive, Luca can’t say he thinks they’ll be alive much longer. He shot all of them point blank with no sort of struggle or fight- a clean shot. There’s almost no way of any sort of survival. This secret was going to die with him.

“Sir, what were you doing here?” one of the officers asks as she squats down to attempt to console the young man.

“I was just coming to visit my aunts and their daughters before they went off to school!” he cries out. They don’t know he’s lying- and his tears are real ones. He can’t believe he just did that. “I- I don’t know who would want to hurt them! Esp-“ he gasps for breath as he grapples with true fact that he hurt those two sweet girls who always run up to him for ‘Unca Luca hugs’ whenever they see him for Sunday family dinners. “Especially Cat and Rosie!”

They manage to coax the rest of the story out of him, and because he’s so clearly devastated, they don’t even suspect him as the one who took down the Schemmenti family.

But Luca knows the truth. As he climbs into his car and away from the scene, he calls Tommy. He wipes away his tears and sniffles away any emotions that are inside of his body. Almost like a switch, Luca flips back into the cold, stone hearted man that the mafia family knows.

“It’s done. Don’t ever tell me to do anything like that again,” he hisses into the phone. “Never again.”

You blink, or try to. Your eyes are heavy and there's a garish white light that makes you close your eyes once more. There's a dull, constant beep to your left. You want to say to whoever to shut it off but you can't bring your mouth to open. The best you get is a pitiful, quiet, groan.

“If you're still in there, Y/N, I suggest waking up a bit faster.” A voice drawls at your right. 

You blink again. This time your eyes open a bit more, enough to see more than just the damned fluorescent light. You at least get a ceiling tile or two before your eyes shut again. The beeping is pissing you off more than the voice had. Though you don't really know why just a voice made you tense. Or why tensing hurt so much. 

With an effort, and a series of blinks against the light of the room, you finally open your eyes completely. Your eyes roll to the left. A monitor is the source of the incessant beeps. It takes your mind a long moment to recognize that it's your pulse the beeps signify. Maybe you don't want that beeping turned off.

Your eyes slowly roll back to the ceiling, and the blinding light. They slide until you're looking to your right. Agent Danik sits in a chair, watching you with an expression you can't decipher. Or maybe you do want the beeping turned off. 

You try to ask what happened but you struggle harder with trying to speak. If getting your eyes open was difficult, speaking feels impossible right now.

Agent Danik leans forward in her chair. Elbows on knees. “You were shot.” She explains, almost softly, without you asking. “You were in critical condition for a while, don't push yourself too much.”

Your brow furrows. Shot? The last thing you remember was your eyes peeking open in the dark of your bedroom. Both your twins climbing into your bed. One of them actually climbed over you to get to Melissa. You can't remember which one. You couldn't possibly have been shot. Your home was safe. 

The memory hits you like a tidal wave. You try to quickly sit up but your body refuses to let you. Instead the pain jolts through your whole body. The beeping increases drastically at the side of your head in time with the racing of your heart. 

Danik is out of her seat, her hands gently on your shoulders to keep you from powering through the pain to get up. As if you could. Adrenaline might get you a ways but the amount of pain pulsing through you is still excruciating even with the pounding of blood through your veins.

“They're alright!” Danik says quickly, looking in your eyes that have been shifting wildly in your panic. She tries to get you to focus on her, to breathe. “Listen to me. Melissa, Cat, and Rosie are still alive, alright? They're alive. You need to breathe and calm down. Stop trying to get up, you're just going to make yourself worse.”

You sink back into the hospital mattress, doing your best to steady you're breathing. When Danik pulls her hands away from your shoulders, you grasp one as quickly as you can. Your eyes focused now, you look at the agent. You try to convey your questions in the look alone. Alive is good but how are they?

“They're still fighting.” Danik answers. In rare form she grips your hand back in a squeeze. You don't know when you found enough connection with the federal agent for there to be sympathy and compassion. Maybe getting shot does that. “You're the first one to wake up so it's hard to know where they're at. But they're alive, okay? They're alive. Considering the situation; that's a miracle itself.”

Your heart rate slows just slightly. They’re alive- but if you’re the first one…

“Congratulations though,” Danik tells you softly. “The four of you are legally dead… and out of the mafia and mob situation.”

You peel your eyes open again to look at her.

“Shaw is in Melissa’s room, and the girls are in the pediatric ICU with two other federal agents. I demanded that if and when they wake up, I am informed immediately so we can start the process of moving the four of you out of the city as quickly as possible.”

You manage to get two words out. “Mel’s room.”

Danik knows exactly what you want, and what you want is to be in the same room as your wife. She nods, eyes as soft as you’ve ever seen them. They wheel your bed and all of the equipment into her room. Shaw is sitting dutifully by Melissa’s side.  You’re close enough to the redhead that you can just barely reach your hand over and take hers in your own. And then you finally let your eyes close again, and you fall back to sleep.

Danik and Shaw glance to each other silently as they watch your heart rate monitors start to sync.

“I’ll give the two of them one thing… they sure do love each other,” Shaw mumbles. “And those girls.”

“I know we’ve been after them for quite some time, but… I hope they make it out of this okay,” Danik confides in her partner softly.

“Agent Danik getting soft,” Shaw teases and bumps the woman’s shoulder.

“And if you let anyone know, you’ll be the next one ending up in ICU care.”

They sit with the two of you in wait until either you have to be wheeled back to your room, Melissa wakes up, or one of the girls does. Neither of them wants to admit that death is still a very real possibility for all four of you though.

Melissa, it turns out, is the next to wake. Hers is a much less chaotic scene than yours. Perhaps aided by the fact that when she opens her eyes it's to see you in the bed next to hers with your hand lightly gripping her own. When she turns her head just enough to see the agents sat in chairs against the wall it takes a few blinks before her voice works. 

Shaw is nearly half out of his chair, uselessly asleep since his partner is still in the room with him. Not exactly required to be watching for any movement or sign of waking from Melissa under that circumstance. Danik sits next to him, tapping away on her phone. Melissa sees you in the tense set of the female agent's shoulders, the way she doesn't doubt the woman is tapping away at work emails. It reminds her how you were always head in your work, with the salon or otherwise. She sometimes had to remind you you were sitting at the dinner table and could relax; stop thinking about work altogether.

“The girls.” Melissa finally gets her voice to work. 

Danik glances up from her phone. “They're fighting. We don't know more yet.” She relays.

“The second it is safe to travel; I want us on the way out of Philly. The four of us.” Melissa demands. “I don't even care where.”

Danik offers a rare smile. “Trust me, Melissa. We want that even more than you do.”

“And Danik?” Your wife calls when the woman looks back down to her phone. She waits until the agent looks back up to her. “Youse better find whoever the hell did this.”

“Yes, Ma'am.” Danik teases lightly because they already have every intention of doing just that.

“‘M serious. I know a guy,” she hisses.

“Still as feisty as ever,” Danik chuckles quietly. “Even after being shot point blank in the chest.”

Melissa’s eyes widen.

“I have to say, your large chest size may have saved your life,” the agent tells her. “Shot in the chest, and both your girls and your wife were guarded with blankets and pillows.”

“The- the girls were shot?” Her breath catches in her throat.

The agents face falls. “Shit. Uh, yeah. They’re not out of the woods quite yet.”

Melissa’s heart rate picks up, and the monitor picks up on that. It’s getting faster and faster, and Danik rests a gentle hand on her shoulders in hopes of calming her like she did you.

“Take a breath,” Danik orders. “Can’t have you going into cardiac arrest now- not after you fought this hard.”

Melissa’s eyes drift to yours. She squeezes your hand softly.

“And… you don’t know any guys no more,” the head states. “You’re legally dead, and so is the rest of your family. No contact with anyone from this life- at least not until La Cosa Nostra falls and all of those who are out to get you are gone one way or another.”

“No one? Not even-“

“Not even your own mother.”

“What if something happens to her?”

“You can’t risk it,” Danik tells her seriously. “You were quite literally on death’s doorstep once. Are you really going to tempt fate again?”

As your wife goes to answer, Danik’s phone rings to life. Shaw jolts awake and falls to the floor at the loud sound.

“Danik.”

“The girls… the one is awake. The other, they fear she isn’t going to make it.”

“I'm on the way.” Danik rushes out, quickly hanging up. “Stay here” She says as she steps over Shaw. “If I see one of the two of them somehow walking around I'm going to blame you, Shaw.” She adds on her way out the door. 

The male agent picks himself up off the floor, claiming his chair once more. He clears his throat at Melissa looking at him with a raised eyebrow. “Please don't make me actually fight you to stay in bed.” He finally murmurs.

Melissa laughs despite it being hoarse and weak. “Only ‘cause I feel exactly like you'd imagine from being shot in the chest.” She relents. “You ever been? Shot?”

Shaw nods. “It hurts like a bitch, huh?”

“You could say that again.” Melissa sighs, protected from the knowledge of the twins’ conditions for the moment. Her eyes close again with the decision not to press her luck and try getting up. That and your hand in her own. 

“Hey, Shaw.” Melissa says after a long moment, without opening her eyes.

“Yes?”

“Ask her out already, hey? You stare at her like you're a puppy, y’know.” 

Danik hurries to the pediatric wing of the hospital. Not that she can do anything medically but this is her case, after all. With the two women fairing relatively well, at least for the moment, she figures it might be best to put her attention to their daughters for now.

She checks with the medical staff, verifying what she'd been told before. Then, she slips into another hospital room. She expects to be hearing a commotion of some sort. The begging for parents. But it’s quiet aside from the beeping of the monitors.

“Go sit with Shaw for a bit.” She tells the agent in the room before she pulls a chair up to the bedside. The little girl in the bed is definitely awake. Though an oxygen mask is fitted over her face. Little cheeks are wet with tears though she isn't crying anymore.

“Hey,” she greets softly. “You're Rosie aren't you?” she waits until she sees a little head nod. “I know it's got to be scary waking up somewhere you don't know all alone. And I'm sure you're hurting.” 

Another little nod, very quick this time, forces Danik to pause. She reaches to press the call button, in case the agent in before her hadn't to alert the medical team Rosie is awake. She won't let the little girl suffer any longer than she has to.

“I'm a police officer.” Danik says, simplifying her job for Rosie. “You know what that is, right?” Another small, more timid nod. Danik hesitates. Based on the way their lives were up until about yesterday, she isn't sure what the former Schemmentis taught their kids about law enforcement. 

“Did your moms teach you that police officers help keep you safe?” Another nod has Danik breathing a little easier. “Good. Because you are safe and so are your moms and your sister. I know it's scary but you're safe. I promise.”

Rosie chokes out a sob. “I want Cat.”

Danik mulls over in her head how she should handle this situation. “Cat is in another room, and she’s getting the care that she needs.” The woman only hopes that’s true. “Cat is fighting, just like you are.” She strokes a few stray tears away from her face.

The little girl just nods. Before Danik can say anything else, doctors come flooding into the room. The entire time that they tend to the little girl, Danik holds her hand. She gently runs her thumb over the little girl’s knuckles in hopes of soothing her even slightly.

Rosie is given pain medication, and she slips off to sleep mere minutes later. That leaves Danik to find her way into Cat’s room.

It’s much more solemn. The only sound in the room is the slow, yet steady, beep of the monitor that shows that Cat’s heart is still beating. But it’s slowing… only at forty beats per minute now- an alarmingly slow rate for a child her age.

Danik glances over to the agent who is stationed at the older twin’s bedside. The agent just gives her a slight shake of the head, and Danik can tell it’s wearing on this agent. The worst part of the job is having to watch a child pass… and it’s seeming that that’s where Cat’s fate is heading.

The head of this case shoos the agent out of the room before settling into the chair next to Cat’s bedside. She takes the little girl’s hand in her own, much like she had her sister. And then… for the first time in a long time, she bows her head and she prays. She prays for this little girl’s recovery. Cat shouldn't have to pay the price for what her mothers were involved in. Cat should have a long and prosperous life ahead of her- days frolicking through parks and giggling on the swings, days of cuddling with her mothers and feeling all of the love in the world. Cat should be given a second chance to live an innocent life.

It doesn’t quite register to the federal agent, but she’s crying as she prays. Tears slowly trickle down her face, and she doesn’t quite notice them until there’s a wet patch on her dark blue pants. After another long moment, the agent wipes her face with the hand not grasping Cat's smaller one. She stays with her head bent until she feels a bit more in control. She leans enough to kiss a little forehead. 

“That's from your moms and your sister.” Danik whispers, gently brushing back wisps of stray hairs. “They're fighting for you, like you are from them. You're safe now, Cat. Nothing like this will ever happen again. You just have to get better and then you and your family are going somewhere safe. Together.”

The agent stays at Cat’s bedside for a long time, unwilling to leave her alone. She doesn't know that she’ll pull through but she hopes she will. To see all those days she is entitled to. Especially now that there isn't a significant danger intrinsically tied to her family's lives.

[f4iry-bell]

COMPARISON | 2

pairing: jameson hawthorne x gf!reader

summary: reader gets jealous when her bf jameson is distant and a bit close with the hawthorne heiress.

warning: angsty

tagging: @clarissaweasley-10 (let me know if you want to be in jameson taglist)

a/n: gray's version

word count: 896

masterlist

It was always Jameson and you ever since you two were kids, it has always been Jameson and you. Maybe it was because how alike you were and yet so different, you two were just perfect for eachother, even though it took Jameson years to build up the courage to confess his feelings for you, you always felt his love, it was impossible to not feel it. He showed it in every way he possibly could, gifts, words, midnight rendezvous, intimacy, touch. But lately, you felt the distance. You understand why because his grandfather died and he's grieving, Jameson grieves in his own way, he doesn't like talking about it, he does it quietly without letting anyone know. You understood that gave him his space even though you wished that he would just come to you.

But your anxiety only rose when the new Hawthorne Heiress moved in and things were getting worse. Jameson barely texted you or called you, you tried to go to Hawthorne House but the security didn't let you, you tried calling him which went straight to voicemail. Weeks after everything you see the news that says your boyfriend was photographed with the new heiress driving fast. It was your thing, yours and Jameson’s. It hurts you, you trusted Jameson, he would never cheat on you. But what if he caught feelings for her? 

You looked at her pictures, she's pretty. Quite similar to you actually, so she is his type exactly. You tried not to think negatively and thought of all the moments you shared with Jameson but it only made it worse because what if it all goes to nothing?

He hasn't called, texted. you can't see him. He was grieving, he had needed space, away from everyone, including you but except her? The hurt turned into anger.

You were done being treated like this, he never treated you this way. And you hate it. You texted him to meet you but of course you got no response from him. You texted Nash, his older brother, to tell the security guards to let you in. 

Once you were inside Hawthorne House you went straight to Jameson’s wing but couldn't find him you texted Nash again asking where he is, Nash said try the library.

To your luck you found him in the first library, not alone. 

“Y/n.” He called your name when he noticed you, the two of them were sitting away from each other but yet you can't think of the worst.

“We need to talk.” You demanded.

“Not now.” He said.

“It'll only take a few minutes.” Your anger only grew more when you heard Avery speak.

“It's fine, go talk.” She said, She's probably a nice girl, nicer than you maybe.

“Y/n, we're busy.”  Jameson said.

“Okay. I'll do the talking, I will only take a minute. I want to break up. No, we are done. I'll let you go back to whatever it is.” You were quick to tune around and storm off but Jameson caught up with you quicker. He kept calling your name but you didn't stop which made him grab your arm gently a turn you towards him.

“What the hell was that?” He asked.

“I thought you were busy.” You didn't answer his question.

“Don't play with me now.”

“I'm not. And yes, I am serious. We're over, yeah go back to your new girlfriend.” You said and tried to wiggle your arm out of his gentle yet firm grip.

“What is this? You think…? Seriously? You really think that low about me?” He sounded hurt.

“I know you won't cheat. But nothing can stop you from having feelings or losing feelings.” You told him.

“Are you delusional? Why would I even!” 

“I don't know, Jameson! Maybe because you haven't spoken to me for weeks and didn't answer my calls or texts, I thought you wanted space but of course you had to find you driving at night with her! If you have lost feelings, at least have the courage to tell me and break it off. So don't call me delusional!” You yelled.

“Y/n, no. You got it all wrong, it is not like that. Me and Avery, we are nothing like that.”

“Don't lie to me, I won't blame you, she's pretty and everything. You got bored of me and now you need someone new. I understand, I guess. Now please let my arm go.” You sniffed.

“Babe, no. I am so sorry for not answering your texts or calls. It was because” he sighed. “My grandfather is a sick man and he gave us one last sick game and the game revolves around Avery.”

“What?”

He explained everything.

“You could have told me.” You said.

“I didn't want you to get involved in this, it has gotten so serious.”

“Okay.”

“And you have no reason to be jealous of Avery. We both just want to solve this puzzle, okay?” His hand holding your arm ran up to your face, thumb caressing your cheeks.

“I wasn't jealous.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes.”

He chuckled. “Whatever you say, babe. Are we still over?”

“If you keep making fun of me, then yes.”

“I'll try not to. I still don't want you to get involved in this but if you really want to then you can help us with the game.”

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

I've seen referenced several times a paraphrased quote attributed both to DBB and to Jen Corbett of Bad Batch that the show's creators ultimately decided to kill off Tech because they couldn't make season 3 work otherwise.

Hmm.

I rarely read interviews from creators about a storyline because I prefer to let the story tell itself and let the interpretations come as they will based on what the narrative itself presents. But in this case I looked up the quotes/interview simply because I had to know how in the blazes they came to the conclusion that a storyline HAD to involve Tech (or any Bad Batch member, for that matter) dying.

I have... thoughts. Lots of thoughts. RESPECTFUL thoughts, because I truly do think the writers/directors of this show are absolutely BRILLIANT (which is partly why I had such a difficult time during season 3 and it has taken quite a bit of reflection to come to terms with it... But I needed to come to terms with it because I love it so much I want to enjoy all of it in the future!) But fair warning: if you prefer not to read a post if the post's author isn't 100% in agreement with the show's creative choices, then this might not be the post for you.

Reference: https://www.starwars.com/news/brad-rau-jennifer-corbett-the-bad-batch-season-3-interview

Quote #1: “When we first started this show, we had hoped that we could get three seasons to tell this story," executive producer and head writer Jennifer Corbett tells StarWars.com. "We kicked Season 1 off with Order 66 and the team trying to figure out where they fit in the galaxy. We knew Season 2 was going to be a little bit darker, because we knew that the team was going to lose in some way. As the season progressed, it became clear that the way for them to lose is to essentially have the team be fractured. That's what happens when we lose Tech, and then also with Omega being taken by the Empire.”

I find the choice of words here - particularly "fracture" and "lose" - to be interesting. This is the quote that made me realize my original (starting in season 1) hopes for where the themes of the show would conclude had apparently never been in line with what the show was aiming for. The show's definition of the team "fracturing" and "los[ing] in some way" apparently had to include death and only came in the season 2 finale; whereas I considered the team to be "fractured" within the first 10 minutes of the pilot episode - as soon as Order 66 came through and Crosshair was susceptible to the inhibitor chip, the team was broken. And they weren't ever truly whole in the first place, given that Order 66 occurs before they meet Omega. For me, the team lost big time as soon as the show started.

So, while I went through the entire show (yes, I kept hoping Tech would come back in season 3) hoping the themes of family and never leaving family behind would conclude in at least one instance of this little clone family being whole and truly united again - considering the fact that they were broken since "Aftermath" - I realize now this hope was nigh impossible to fulfill given that the show didn't consider the team fractured upon Crosshair's departure and therefore felt the need to not only break it apart further, but break it permanently.

Quote #2: “There were a lot of conversations that went into that [killing off Tech], and we even tried to talk ourselves out of it many times, because he's such an important character to the show, to all of us and the crew, and we know he is important to the fans,” Corbett says. “But what we're showing in Season 2 is that the galaxy has changed and the Empire is now very powerful in the early years. So we were trying to be logical in the sense that, the Batch keeps putting themselves in these positions and, ultimately, there has to be a time when they do lose."

I can respect this decision, though (as I stated above), the entire show pretty much involves the Bad Batch losing in one way or another and personally I don't care for the idea that the only real way a team can lose (read: "stakes") is if death is involved. But that's just me, and I can get over this personal hang up.

Quote #3: Throughout, they’ll feel the loss of their brother. “It affected a lot of the logistics,” Brad Rau, executive producer, says. “The very mathematical logistics of how we normally would have the team operate was massively different without Tech there. But emotionally, the most important part, the way that the loss of Tech affected Omega, Hunter, Wrecker, Echo, and Crosshair, even throughout the whole season was, I wouldn't say heavier than we expected, but was definitely very heavy.”

I'm gonna be blunt: when first watching season 3, I felt the emotional impact of the loss of Tech for most of the squad was sorely lacking, and this is the main reason why I kept hoping right up through the epilogue that Tech would somehow show up.

Every. Single. Allusion. To. Tech in season 3 hit like a ton of bricks right to the gut. @eriexplosion described it extremely well (paraphrasing) as picking at a wound and not letting it fully heal. After some reflection following the series finale, I came to the conclusion that this might be because the Tech mentions were meant to show how the Batch - Crosshair in particular - were still feeling about the loss, and (in hindsight) it seemed that Crosshair felt deep guilt and pain over Tech's death all the way through season 3. (Heck, I now see Crosshair having a moment to honor Mayday early on but never truly honoring Tech as yet another indication that, while Crosshair felt grief over Mayday, he must have felt even deeper grief compounded with guilt and remorse over Tech that led to him essentially avoiding the subject.) So I guess it turns out my conclusion fits the original intention of the creators.

Thing is, since we don't ever see any actual catharsis or healing for any of the Bad Batch members (Omega is the closest we get to it, and even that's a stretch), this aspect of the show does NOT land well for me - really, many times during season 3 it came across that the only real impact Tech's absence had on the team as a whole was that Hunter had to deal with datapads and decryption was harder. (There have been fan comments that if Tech had been around in season 3, the entire storyline would have been wrapped up in two episodes (and I actually rather agree with this) - but this headcanon/focus still only emphasizes Tech's role/function on the team, not his impact as a brother.)

Again, upon reflection I am quite willing to give the narrative the benefit of the doubt and say the excruciating emotional pain inflicted with every Tech mention was intended to show the impact of the loss on his family; but it was SO difficult to watch season 3 when this wasn't made clear from the get-go. And given that (based on reddit discussions I've seen) half the audience seemed to think the Bad Batch had long since moved on because "stoic soldiers/they have other priorities" while the other half thought the Bad Batch hadn't moved on and were avoiding the subject, I truly do think this ended up being a murky point - and it shouldn't have been.

This is where we get to the hill I will die on and my ONLY major criticism of the show: if Tech "had" to die and stay dead, there should have, at bare minimum, been a scene - even if it came at the end of the finale - where Tech's entire family finally had a chance to meaningfully acknowledge and honor Tech, even if it was brief such as Crosshair had with Mayday. If there had been any moment before the finale for any of Tech's brothers to honor and/or memorialize him, the contrast between that cathartic moment versus how the topic had been treated before/by his other siblings would have been more than adequate to cement early on the idea that the squad was still feeling the loss of Tech as an individual and a brother, thereby clarifying the show's intentions. And a moment for Tech's ENTIRE family (and friends) to honor him, even if it came at the end of the finale, would have closed out the dangling plot thread of Crosshair still feeling guilt and grief over Tech.

Anyway, while this interview didn't much change my own conclusions of how season 3 played out and what could have been done better, I am glad I read it since it provided at least a modicum of clarity as to what the show's intentions actually were - even if those intentions didn't always clearly come through in the narrative.

[mariusperkins]

my favourite new-to-me movies of 2023

a few years ago my resolution was to stop just only rewatching Ocean's Eleven over and over and actually watch some of the thousand-ish movies that I say I'm going to watch and then don't, which, honestly, has been Very fun and something I highly recommend! It also means that I watch a lot of movies that aren't actually "new" (which, honestly, I also recommend).

Picking a top 20 was really hard this year (I would do top 10 but that was impossible), I watched so many movies I absolutely LOVED, and so I narrowed them down to the below using the only criteria that I think really matters when it comes to lists like this which is 1. How insane did I feel about the movie at the time, and 2. Do I still feel insane about it when I think about it now.

This list got long so to save your dash I have put it under the cut:

20. Fire of Love (2022): a documentary about the lives of two volcanologists who ultimately died together in a volcanic eruption. It's told in such a beautiful, moving way, and I've been telling everyone I know to watch it, so of course it had to make this list

19. Lady For a Day (1933): a group of loosely-socially-connected people work together to convince a wealthy man that an old impoverished apple seller is a member of high society so her daughter (who also believes her slightly-estranged mother is high society) can marry into real high society. It was literally the first movie I watched in 2023 and I truly can't think of a better way to start off a year than with a movie that is about helping other people for the sake of Just Helping Them, because we should care about other people, because what else are we on this earth for if not to help and care about other people. Also, this is one of those 1930s movies that seems wildly progressive in it's treatment of women (nobody shames Annie for having a daughter out of wedlock or anything that goes along with that, everyone wants her to be happy, and healthy, and to help her get the thing that she wants above all else: for her daughter to be happy and safe).

18. The Talk of The Town (1942): one of the many "Cary Grant's most bisexual movies" but boy howdy is it!! Cary Grant, a communist sympathiser and unionist, has to hide out at Jean Arthur's farmhouse to escape the law after being accused of a crime he didn't commit but wouldn't you know it, Jean Arthur's just rented out her farmhouse to Ronald Coleman, a judge who prides himself on his neutrality who's about to be nominated to the supreme court! Jean Arthur, thinking fast, says Cary Grant is her gardener for the farmhouse and also sets about trying to prove to Ronald Coleman that Cary Grant is innocent, Cary Grant sets about trying to radicalise Ronald Coleman before he can get to the supreme court. Ronald Coleman spends a significant amount of time playing chess with Cary Grant while the two of them speak softly to each other. Just wonderful stuff, and Jean Arthur is so beautiful that I genuinely tried to find out what her skincare regime was.

17. Beyond The Infinite Two Minutes (2020): a short (just over an hour) Japanese scifi film where a man discovers that the tv in the cafe downstairs from him and the tv in his apartment are connected, with the tv in the cafe showing two minutes into the future (of whatever is in front of the tv in his apartment). It does some really fun stuff with this time-travel adjacent concept, especially in the final "fight" sequence! It's a little hard to find (I think I might have watched it on vimeo?), but absolutely worth it.

16. White Zombie (1932): sometimes called the "first zombie movie", it's so different from what we now think of as a "zombie movie" that it feels fresh (or, at least, it did to me). A young bride is "killed" by an evil count and brought back as a zombie forced to obey his will. I found the short scene towards the end of the movie where her husband and True Love almost breaks the hold on her mind and there's a close up of her expression as it changes from wide-eyed blankness to almost a smile before she slips back under Bela Lugosi's spell to be genuinely affecting. Also, there's a scene right at the start where Bela Lugosi's eyes are superimposed over a scene that I found genuinely frightening, I was as jumpscared by those eyes as a person watching in 1932 probably was, which is always a fun feeling.

15. A New Leaf (1971): Walter Matthau, an aging, asexual bachelor is informed that he is on the brink of complete poverty and decides to find a orphaned heiress to marry (and then murder) to keep himself in his preferred lifestyle. After several unsuccessful endeavors he meets Elaine May (who also wrote and directed the movie), a weathly and extremely absent-minded botanist. Instead of killing her, he trips his way through improving both her life and himself. I was enthralled by this movie, I just want to rotate every part of it in my mind forever.

14. It's a Wonderful Knife (2023): the most recent of all the movies on this list in terms of both release date and me having watched it, this slasher retelling of 'it's a wonderful life' has it all: a Scary Slasher opening featuring a killer with a gimmick ("The Angel"), the classic bit where she wishes she'd never been born and stumbles through realising Oh No I'm In The Universe Where I've Never Been Born, the universe saving True Love of lesbians, Justin Long being a little weirdo, the bit where she runs down the street wishing everyone and everything a merry christmas. All the in-text callouts by the characters that what's happening is "just like" it's a wonderful life snowballed into a (to me) touching romantic moment ("you were my Clarence"). It all just Worked!! The perfect holiday watch.

13. Bones (2001): I love a horror movie that I've never heard of and the early 2000s is a great time period for this. 1970s Snoop Dogg (with beautiful 1970s hair!) is murdered, and his ghost comes back to get revenge on those who killed him. Features some great gross-out horror scares (the nightclub scene, especially, made me jump out of my seat and pace around). Also, a very cool, scary-looking poster!

12. Eyes Without A Face (1960): A doctor attempts to use his plastic surgery skills to "replace" his daughter's face, which has been mangled in a car accident (that he caused). I hope whoever designed the mask the daughter wears, which is a plain white 'death mask' style with only the eyes cut out, got some kind of award because it's visually striking in every scene (especially when combined with her mod/60s coat). This movie is full of the gestures towards a broader life that his daughter would have had, or the life she did have that is just enough to both paint a vivid picture and make you feel so curious that the movie would be enthralling even without the serial murder/body horror aspect. Has one of the greatest "good for HER" endings to a movie I've ever seen, which I would implore you not to spoil for yourself if you want to watch this. The version up on internet archive does have english subtitles (thank you internet archive!!).

11. Grosse Point Blank (1997): A disconnected and disaffected hit man attends his high school reunion, confronting his past (the mother that barely recognises him, the girlfriend he abandoned on prom night, the friend that never heard from him after he left town) and his present (the other hit men attempting to kill him). I feel cringe somehow for putting this on my list, I feel cringe admitting that I did feel a big Swell of emotion as John Cusack makes eye contact with a baby as the lyrics to Queen/Bowie's 'Under Pressure' swells in the background (why don't we give ourselves one more chance), I even feel a little cringe for liking something that seems like it should only appeal to Gen X's. But what is this list for if not for films that game me cringe levels of emotions?

10. Waxworks (1988): Much like the early 2000s, the 1980s are also a great decade for 'horror movies you've never heard of'. The plot summary doesn't do much to give it away: 'a group of teens go to a wax museum and get killed off one by one'. "Well, that's just house of wax", you think to yourself, "I know what to expect from this movie". It isn't, and you don't. Please don't look up scenes ahead of time, please do watch this movie!

9. Knightriders (1981): I'm a very loud member of the Movies Should Be Shorter club but this movie is over two hours and I wish it had gone on forever. Every time you think 'well that's the end of the movie' another movie arc starts, and I couldn't have been happier. It follows the "knights" (motorbike stuntmen) in an 80s renaissance fair as they travel from town to town, argue about modernising, and put on shows. Feels like you're really vibing with them under the 1980s sun. Also features a cameo of Stephen King, who eats a sandwich in a truly disgusting way.

8. House (1977): a group of teen girls go to the house of one of the girl's aunts. It's a very haunted house. The best way I can think to describe it is that it's like watching the description of a nightmare you had as a child, almost too over the top and ridiculous to be scary in an explainable way but it is still scary. I'll think about the piano sequence until the day I die.

7. They Might Be Giants (1971): A man who, after the death of his wife and his subsequent mental breakdown, believe himself to be Sherlock Holmes. His brother, who's attempting to get him committed to collect his inheritance, introduces him to a woman named Dr Watson. They run around around town as the man who believes himself to be Sherlock Holmes attempts to solve the mystery that he believes Moriarty is orchestrating, solving real problems for various people around town almost by accident. A extremely hopeful and upbeat movie with the saddest last 60 seconds to a movie I've ever seen, a very, very bittersweet love story.

6. The Palm Beach Story (1942): Claudette Colbert is deeply in love with her big rectangle of a husband Joel McCrea, but wants to divorce him because she believes that providing for her is holding him back (and he won't let her accept money from random men who want to give her money for being beautiful - a realistic thing to happen if you are Claudette Colbert imo). He's desperate to stay married to her so when she runs off to Palm Beach for a quickie 1940s divorce he follows her, but on the way she meets mega rich Rudy Vallee who falls instantly in love with her. As a complete 180 to the previous movie, this is a fun movie with the most rediculous final 60 seconds. I truly believe that your enjoyment of the movie hinges on those final moments - I, of course, loved it.

5. The Abominable Dr Phibes (1971): the king of horror Vincent Price stars as the mysterious Dr Phibes, who's out to kill a very specific set of people in various very specific ways, assisted by his beautiful and incredibly dressed assistant Vulnavia while the police unsuccessfully try to figure out what he's doing and stop him. I truly loved this movie, the mystery just silly enough, the kills just over the top enough, the elaborate sets not really trying to not look like sets and better off for it!! The sequel, in which Dr Phibes and Vulnavia travel to Egypt to resurrect Dr Phibes' wife, is also quite good!

4. Brief Encounters (1945): A man and woman, both happily (or at least contentedly) married to other people, meet and fall into a whirlwind-style love before the real world crashes back into them. Soul-obliteratingly sad, but in the way that love can be, sometimes.

3. Shocker (1989): A college student starts having visions of a serial murderer in which the murderer can see him, helps to catch the murderer... And then the movie really starts. This was going to be lower down until I realised that it's become such a reference point for me since I watched it. I wish Wes Craven would make a sequel about the protagonist's girlfriend, who, by the end of the movie, is a ghost who shares his body.

2. Wild Thing (1987): Tarzan, but if Tarzan was in 1980s New York instead of the jungle. I had such a fun time with this movie! Excellent use of 'wild thing' (the song) needle drop, which happens in conjunction with a Spiderman-style man-on-the-street interview section. To me, this one is an undiscovered gem.

1. Tampopo (1985): a woman, who isn't good at making ramen but owns a ramen shop, asks a truck driver and his friend to help her improve her cooking. He agrees, and they begin a winding journey, encountering and befriending various people to help her along the way. Tampopo is also a movie that's interested in exploring the different relationships people can have to food and the different roles it plays in society, so it's full of little tiny scenes staring all kinds of wonderful weirdos like this scene, which is one of my favourite scenes in all of cinema, of a little old woman causing chaos in a small supermarket late at night. Also, if you watch this movie: get ramen first, because otherwise you'll have to pause the movie to go and get food.

Honourable Mentions: You've Heard Of This Edition

Best movie about The Movies: Asteroid City (2023)

Best action scene that made me claw at the person next to me: Mission Impossible (Dead Reckoning Part One (2023)

Award for 'movie famous for being good that is good': RoboCop (1987)

Award for 'movie referenced as a punchline that actually has Things To Say about the treatment of houseless people to the point that I now feel like those punchlines do the movie and incredible disservice': C.H.U.D (1984)

Best rediculous stunts/scene chewing from Jake Gyllenhaal: Ambulance (2022)

Best 4th movie in a film series that was still incredible and also made me cry: John Wick Chapter 4 (2023)

Award for special effects/goo (for when you see the clones sloughing out of the pods): Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

Best use of Bill Pullman as a romantic lead: While You Were Sleeping (1995)

Award for 'predator movie that is actually enjoyable to watch': Prey (2022)

Best use of cocaine as a plot device: Cocaine Bear (2023)

Honourable Mentions: Maybe You Haven't Heard Of This Edition

Best movie that is just really a series of weird little sketches: Better Off Dead (1985)

Best movie about a married couple that are horny for each other: Undercover Blues (1993)

Best use of Willem Dafoe as an ally to the protagonist: Daybreakers (2009)

Best use of a one location (and primarily one set): Welcome Back Mr McDonald (1997)

Best use of the little lock of hair that falls out of the gelled-back hairdo in a 1930s male lead: Love Is News (1937)

Best use of enemies-to-lovers: Legal Eagles (1986)

Best use of Bob Hope: Nothing but the Truth (1941)

Award for 'most people cheating on each other with everyone else' in a single movie: Dinner at Eight (1933)

Best movie involving a woman who died and then possesses another woman to get revenge on the man who killed her: Supernatural (1933)

Best use of weird masks and scary basements: Popcorn (1991)

Award for 'most 1980s tropes in a 1930s movie': The Old Dark House (1932)

Best underutilised setting for a horror movie: Intruder (1989)

Best movie that you truly can't believe got made and released: Roar (1981)

Best performance of an actor pretending to be a robot: Deadly Friend (1986)

Best 1930s 'extremely wealthy old man and poor fast talking woman best friendship' in a movie: Easy Living (1937)

Best early 2000s thriller you haven't heard of/best Emily Blunt performance: Wind Chill (2007)

Best use of 1940s tropes and jokes in a hallmark movie: A Biltmore Christmas (2023)

Best use of best friends in a noir movie: The Gun for Hire (1942)

Best netflix movie that netflix inexplicably didn't bother promoting: They Cloned Tyrone (2023)

Best Dylan O'Brien performance: The Outfit (2022)

Best slimy little weasel performance: Cure For Wellness (2016)

Best use of time travel to a Very specific but not well-known historical event: Timeline (2003)

Award for most specific accident in a horror movie that required a transplant: Mad Love (1935)

[otter-pup]

I count. It's at least least 10 minutes of you laying before the final five eggs in your womb refused to be laid. The pressing against the entrance to your cervix refuses to go any further, refuses to budge. Despite your best attempts to try and get it out, it's impossible. The eggs simply don't want to be laid.

When we both realize this, I get to making sure the eggs are taken care of. Once that's done, I make sure you're alright. Getting you water, some water, and whispering praises to you. "You did so well, pup," I whisper as I rub your much smaller but still swelled stomach. "Once we get home, we'll get those eggs put of you. You did such a good job today, puppy."

Though, as I rub your stomach, I let magic slip out. It's impossible to tell since the magic affects the eggs directly; they'll steadily start to grow on the way home.

After a bit of back and forth between us, I get you to concede to sitting in the back of the car. It took convincing, with me mostly reasoning you'd need it to lay down and stay comfortable on the way home. And it's not like I was lying.

Soon enough, we're on the highway headed home. Unfortunately, it's packed full of traffic. But we both had a feeling it would be, considering you had asked to do this on the day many people had off work.

As I grumble to myself as we get stuck behind another car, you can swear that you feel the eggs growing in your womb. But surely they couldn't be? It has to just be a figment of your imagination because of finally being able to lay all the eggs, right?

🐺

the stream of eggs suddenly stopping is so disorienting, my eyes refocus and i gather myself enough fo look down and confirm what I can feel—my belly hasn’t completely shrunk back down, there’s still eggs in my womb that haven’t been laid. i struggle, trying to push them out, but they won’t budge.

you stop me seconds before i was gonna stop myself, and take a bucket from the back seat youd brought with you specifically for this purpose, to put the eggs in once they were laid, if we weren’t home first. it’s almost too small to fit them all.

i happily drink the water you hand to me, melting against your hands as you rub my belly and praise me for how good I did. im not worried about the last few eggs, even if it’s weird they didn’t come out with the rest—it’s your magic, after all, i know you’ll have a way to get them out.

i don’t want to sit in the back, further away from you, but you are right that it’d be more comfortable. eventually, i agree, and settle down, covering my still-nude lower half with a blanket.

the roads are just as busy as the plaza, and I do my best to get myself comfortable enough to handle the rest of the ride home. but as I shift, I notice something—my belly seems a little bigger again?

i shake my head. its probably just because i expected to lay all of the eggs, so the little pouch left behind seems bigger than expected. there weren’t any more eggs popping into my womb, I’d gotten used to that feeling, and there was no way the ones that were there had gotten any bigger.

i try to subtly rub my bump without you noticing to ease the feeling, and the shifting of the eggs inside me makes me doubt that second part for a minute. but it’s nothing, im sure.

[valkresdarkside]

Hi yeah abt the prev blog, I made a short one and didn't bother rechecking the grammar lol

I'm insane when it comes to this helo istg

Warning: NSFW!!

Blade woke up with pain spreading across his body. His head felt like it was being split open, and he could do nothing but groaning and hissing.

Blinking his eyes, he tried to process his surroundings—trees, trees, and more trees—oh, and one of his rotor blades, snapped and lying on the ground, meters from his current position. Did he crash? Maybe he did, but he couldn't remember how and when.

Then he tried to process any sounds he could hear through the dizziness. Birds, the wind blowing through the trees, and his control panel...

Shit, he was running out of fuel. Judging by his current condition, maybe he was leaking somewhere? He wasn't sure.

He closed his eyes again, trying to activate his radio. Nothing. There was a few buzzing sounds, but they quickly turned into silence after a few seconds.

Is this how I die? Blade thought. Maybe he could finally see Nick in the afterlife. He'd tell the MD helo about what happened after the incident, how hard he trained to make up for his uselessness back then, about his teams, his trainees...

Nick would probably tease him about his current grumpiness, though.

As he finally made peace with the thought of dying, he heard sounds of rotor blades in a distance.

He quickly activated his all-frequency radio, sending SOS with morse code...

And he could saw the shadow of a helicopter hovering above him.

"Chrysler! What happened to you?" the unfamiliar helo gasped in shock. "Don't worry, I'll get you out of here. May I have your name, sir?"

"Blade Ranger," Blade managed to cough out his own name.

"Okay, Blade. I'm Cougar, a Fire Hawk helicopter. I'm have some basic SAR equipments with me, so we'll make a quick emergency patch up for you before I lift you out of here. Sounds good?"

Blade made some "hmm" noises in agreement.

Cougar quickly worked on him, weird mechanical limbs appeared from his compartment. He quickly patched up and welded the leaking parts, sealing them.

"Okay, that'd keep you from leaking until we get to the closest repair station." Cougar huffed, feeling a bit proud of his handiwork. "Now about your fuel level... There's a problem. Your gas tank inlet is too damaged and blocked and I don't have any auxiliary fuel with me. Think you can last for another twenty minutes?"

Sighing, Blade did his best to talk. "The warning sign has been activated around twelve minutes before your arrival, so I don't think I can last for another 10."

"Shit, the closest gas station is at least 15 minutes from here," Cougar cursed before thinking hard.

"Hey, Blade?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you be fine if we do it in a more... unethical way?"

Raising an eyebrow, Blade gave him a questioning look before realization hit him. "Oh."

"It's fine if you don't want to. I'll find a way to get you refueled anyway."

"Do it."

Cougar blinked before asking the other firefighter a questioning look. "Are you sure?"

"I have a team to look out for, and pretty sure they'll throw everything into chaos if I'm not around." Yeah, the Smokejumpers are impossible to be left by themselves. He wasn't going to put the weight of commanding them onto Windlifter. The Skycrane would be too kind to keep them in check.

"If you say so." Cougar coughed awkwardly. "From where should I insert it?"

"Preferably not my throat. It's already hurting enough."

"Okay. The rear, then."

Cougar rolled around to face Blade's rear. The AgustaWestland was already laying on his side, so he could get an easy access to his valve cover.

He started kissing and licking the outer frame. His body was bigger than the AW, so he's going to make sure the interface would go as painless as possible.

And that means he'd need to get the red helo wet in less than ten minutes.

Blade made humming noises as he opened his cover, revealing his valve. Cougar quickly lapped on the slit, running his tongue along the soft metallic outer side before inserting his tongue.

Gasping, Blade closed his eyes to the sensation. It felt weird to be touched by a stranger, but damn, this helo knows his stuff. Cougar could easily find his weak spots with his tongue, hitting them whilst filling his insides with his thick tongue.

The pleasure easily numbed his pain, and he stopped caring about his throat, groaning loud as he felt an orgasm getting closer.

Right when Cougar felt Blade's inner walls tightening, he stopped.

"Blade, I might need to remind you that we're supposed to save your fuel. So I need you hold yourself back from cumming, got it? Or you can tell me if you've hit your limits, and I'll slow down."

"Understood. My apologies." Blade said, gasping for air.

Cougar nodded before continued working on Blade's now-wet valve. For the next two minutes, the air was filled by Blade's growls and groans, along with Cougar's licking and slurping. They stopped once Blade felt another orgasm coming, and Cougar deemed his valve wet enough to take his spike.

Cougar carefully rolled his front landing gear onto Blade, positioning his spike.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Blade unintentionally screamed/growled as he was penetrated from behind, all the numbed pain returning as he felt Cougar's bigger spike in his valve.

Cougar paused at his scream. "Blade, I would've loved to give you time to adjust, but we're racing against time here. I need you to endure it. Can you do that for me?"

Blade hissed before groaning, "Yes, don't worry about me."

Nodding, Cougar started moving his body slowly. Blade gritted his teeth, trying to relax his walls to reduce the pain. Above him, Cougar hummed. The AgustaWestland was surprisingly tight, even with the size differences. Maybe he was a virgin? Nah, not likely. He wouldn't have let a stranger penetrate him otherwise. Him not having sex in extremely long time would be a better explanation. Whatever it was, he's not in any place to question it.

Cougar picked up his pace, combining long, deep penetration with quick-paced thrusts. He needed to get the damaged helo his fuel quickly. This interface wasn't supposed to be something they enjoyed, it's supposed to be quick, even if it means not being enjoyable or painless.

Blade quickly adapted himself to the pain, since he had suffered worse in his firefighting accidents. He's now grunting and hissing in pleasure, feeling the bigger helo's spike spreading his insides, reaching the deepest spots. It took him his all to not cum, even with the overwhelming sensation running throughout his body.

His logic and instincts clashed. One side of him tried to kept himself thinking properly, keeping his body in check, while the other side is at the edge of succumbing to the pleasure of being fucked by such a huge spike after more than thirty years of abandonment, since Nick's death.

Cougar started feeling his orgasm getting closer, and the bad news was, so was Blade's. He could feel the red helo's walls clamping around him, pulsating and started leaking small amount of liquid.

"Blade... Keep your fuel... Inside you... Got it?" Cougar growled between moans as he started pounding into Blade mercilessly, racing against time and Blade's incoming orgasm.

"Easy for you...to say!" Blade snapped before groaning as his insides were torn open, sensitive nodes screaming, leaving him fighting back the urge to stop thinking and just cum all over the invader spike.

After a few minutes, Cougar finally pushed his member deep into Blade, releasing a huge amount of fuel, locking their frames together so none of it would get leaked out. Thankfully, most of the fuel instantly went into Blade's tank with how deep the penetration was.

Blade sighed in relief as the warning lights are gone. "Thank you for your assistance, Cougar," he managed to say while panting and gasping for air.

Cougar carefully climbed his front landing gear off Blade's body, closed the red helo's panels, and helped Blade getting onto his own landing gears.

"Sorry if I was too rough. We didn't exactly have time to lose," he apologized. He shook himself to clear his mind before hovering above Blade, releasing several cables that wrapped themselves around Blade's body.

"I don't think you should be flying while carrying another aircraft minutes after an intercourse, Cougar."

Cougar scoffed at that statement. "If a good orgasm is all it takes to stop me from flying, I wouldn't have joined the firefighters."

Smirking, Blade agreed to his statement.

[vampireclub7]

Can you please share your experience into stanning Enhypen? You seem to hold them in high regard. The only group you stan is BTS so that tells me you have high standards or at least similar taste to me, but Enhypen doesn't have rappers which you said yourself. So what makes you like them better than other 4th gen groups that do have rappers? What was your descent into the rabbit hole like if you don't mind me asking.

***

This ask is going to take too long to answer properly, so I'll try to give the abridged version here.

I fell in love with Enhypen the minute I heard their debut song: Given-Taken. The very first thing you hear is a harp and it's so pretty.

I liked them right then, they made an impression, a real one. It reminded me of how I felt watching BTS perform their debut stage 10 years ago. It reminded me of that feeling, but in a different hue. I kept up with Enhypen since then and have progressively liked them more.

But the moment I realized I liked them a whole lot, was after watching this video:

It was here I learned Jungwon's favourite album right now is the OST for Disney's Aladdin. It's here I learned Jay loves to play Layla by Eric Clapton on his guitar, Layla is one of my favourite songs of all time. It's here I learned Sunghoon's role model is BTS. Naturally, all three guys became my bias.

The next moment I recall that stuck with me, was revisiting Drunk Dazed randomly last year. When I first heard Drunk-Dazed I didn't really care for the song. Enhypen does 'noise music' well, but it's still noise music and I wasn't in the mood for it at that point in my life. I knew the song was good, but set it aside when I first heard it. But time passed, and sometime last year I decided to listen to it on a whim. I wanted to hear it again, see it with choreography, so I played the Studio Choom and by the end of it I was spamming my GC, sending that video to all my friends afterwards.

The entire video is insane.

Enhypen are the best performers. Period. I sometimes see k-pop stans comment on whether they sing live and inevitably turn it into discourse, but as usual that discourse is rubbish. They sing live but with heavy backtrack because their choreographies are literally insane. That's not an exaggeration. There is no group active today that does as much floor work as Enhypen. Think about it. If you ever watch an Enhypen performance, count how many times they're on the floor: lying down flat, sitting, crouching to the floor, bending, kneeling - count how many times they're on the floor in a position where it's physically near impossible to sing. And then remember this is their regular choreo for their songs, a choreo they'll have to perform every time, and then remember that Enhypen is known for their dance breaks. That is, dance routines that are incremental to everything they've just done.

It's mental.

They make the best music, are ridiculously talented, have the best visuals, and have got the best vibes for days. It wasn't a conscious decision on my part to like them, I just saw what I saw, heard what I heard, and my brain did the next logical thing which was to start supporting them.

Like I said, I'm active in the Engene fandom so that means there's overlap on my twitter with my ARMY moots. At first, a few of them were ticked off to see me retweet Enhypen tweets. When they told me it bothered them that I was supporting Enhypen while stanning BTS, I sent them a video of Enhypen one year after debut. I sent them this video.

They shut up.

One of the three people who initially had a problem with me now ults Enhypen. Lool. Even I'm not at that point yet.

Anyway, the music is what seals the deal for me. They just make objectively better music by my tastes, which already sets them above the pack. They have a handful of songs with rap verses (eg Blockbuster OT7 version) which they do remarkably well so I hope we get more rap/chant verses in future songs. But even without the rap their music is god-tier. Then you remember they have the best dance-line in 4th gen. And they are adorable dorks on top of it...

It's easy to love them. They don't have it easier than other HYBE groups when it comes to the unwarranted hate unfortunately, and that's why even though I don't technically stan them, or at least ult them, I still support them whenever I feel like it and have the means.

Enhypen is a solid group and I wish only more health and success for them.

[merge-conflict]

thread-safe: cicada killer

Finally finished my narration of the second chapter of thread-safe, included below. It's about 10 minutes long- it did not feel that way when I was making it. There are some quiet weird background audio bits like a popping and an annoying high pitched hum and I don't know how to remove those, sorry. Did my best, even recording in my closet but my apartment is full of signals.

Synopsis: Goro has brought V back to Arasaka after she ran away, to meet her engram which has been turned into an AI and charged with being Big Brother at Arasaka tower in NC.

Transcript is below the cut. You can also read the second chapter on AO3 here.

cicada killer transcript:

There are so many things I need to talk to you about, but I’d be a fool to think I’m not under observation. I guess you know that. Is that why you never said anything to me before? Is that why you never said anything to anyone?

It’s how I would do it. I get it. I wouldn’t have left if I’d known. You know that, right? I would never have left. I guess I answered my own question, didn’t I? If you wanted me to stay all you had to do was say something– and you could have. They can’t watch you all the time. That’s what you’re for, after all.

But did you know? Did you suspect?

I need you to know. I want to think you do, but you think you know a man and you don’t know him at all. I should have known, but I didn’t want to. If you hate me for that, I understand. God only knows, I’ll understand. Did you think I wouldn’t?

My first visitor– is that you? But of course not. As if I could be so lucky.

This man is dead to me. But you and I and everyone else know that the dead can be relentless. These days the dead don’t just have unfinished business, they have unfinished careers. Ah– he doesn’t know what’s so funny.

I’d tell him myself, but I can’t. They can rip out every ounce of chrome with a logic chip on it, and leave me with no left hand and some beat up vocal cords and call that the bleeding edge of medicine. I should write them some promotional material. At least they replaced my eyes. I was blind, but now–

“V–“ says the dead man, always so formal. I actually warrant a bow. Is that his guilty conscience? “It is time we talked.”

I’m not interested in a conversation with him, but you know how he is when he’s angry. Impossible to shake off. Even harder with one hand and a body that feels like it’s been patched together with glue and rubber bands. In the case that you aren’t watching, I want you to picture this ending with a little more dignity, and without me sitting down on this cot out of breath and tagged with some button speaker like a juvenile delinquent.

“Takemura.” So you are watching. So you’re here. “What is it you would like to discuss?”

That stumps him. I think he’s a little surprised by it, but shouldn’t he know better? Maybe I’m a little surprised, too. It was what he said to me, before he packed me up like cargo: I can’t help you both. Well to be honest, my dear, it doesn’t sound like he’s helped you much either.

“You are angry with me.” Soft words. Should we feel sorry for his wounded heart? “But I do not understand why you will not speak to me. Why you would tell Hanako-sama that you did not want me to know you even existed.”

“Weren’t you happier not knowing?” you ask. How can you ask that?

“It does not matter if I am happy,” he says.

“No,” you agree. “Is that all?”

It’s not all– I can see it in his hands. He’s upset, and angry, and he wants to scream at me almost as much as he wants to speak to you. I think he’d be annoyed to learn that’s what it’s like with Johnny, too. I don’t think he understands any of this, but he’s trying, I’ll give him that.

“I cannot ask your forgiveness,” he says finally. Always so diligent about laying himself down onto the chopping block, meek and willing as a lamb to accept another black mark on his soul. Even now, when he’s seen what the afterlife is like for useful tools. “I do not deserve it. If you do not wish to see me, I will not bother you again. But if you–“ Hesitation, there. What is the polite way to address a disembodied soul? “If you need my assistance, I will be here.”

“Since Hanako-sama refused to send you away, I know that’s true,” you say. Oh, I don’t think he enjoyed hearing that. “As for the rest– let me have a look at you.”

You want a look at him? Very well. Only for you. Let me get to my feet.

The dead man is not small, of course– I think he is very close to average in size, as these things go, and perfectly capable of killing me in a dozen different ways even if he’s a head shorter. But I’d nearly forgotten how sleek he is, how light on his feet he is despite the weight of all that chrome. He’s been hovering so close I think he forgot I was even here, but he’s remembering now. Last time we stood like this he had his fingers inside me, and now that we’re looking at each other face to face I can tell you he’s thinking that too.

More than a dozen different ways to kill me, and yet our dead man doesn’t resist having his hair grabbed, or the indignity of having his head wrenched back– you did want a good look, didn’t you? He’ll suffer it all, this one. What else is there to see? Two eyes, a nose, his frowning mouth. They’ve already done some reconstructive work. I doubt they’ll let him keep the scars under those bandages. One is distinguished. A few more starts to look like negligence. Vulnerability.

He was so furious when I saw him last. He had the right to be, I know that. But I will never forgive him for not telling me the moment I walked through that door. Do you understand?

“Ask me anything,” he says now. “And if it is in my power I will give it to you.”

Too late for that. Did he tell you how it went? Did any of them tell you how it went? Ah, I see he knows what I’m thinking, but do you?

“That’s very generous,” you say. You don’t know. You can’t see.

Here, I’ll show you. Watch him closely. See that in his eyes when I touch his jaw? Guilt. Desire. When I kiss him, he proves he is not made of stone. Stone doesn’t feel self-loathing. Can a dead man feel hunger? I don’t feel anything.

“Takemura,” you say. Polite. Furious. “What happened?”

He has an answer for you but doesn’t know how to give it. I’m sure he hasn’t forgotten that we’re being watched, either. What happened, my dear, is that he was angry with me. We were angry with each other. But he waited until after we’d fucked to tell me about you.

“We had… an argument,” he says. He’s looking at me again, and not you. “I did not control my temper.”

“But you did your duty,” you say. “And now you come here and tell me you will do anything within your power. Do you remember telling me that you had nothing to offer?”

He says, “Yes.”

My dear. I don’t mean to brag about being in possession of our first form, but the heart they gave me is still tender, and there is only so long I can tower over someone, even for you. This is not defeat. Do you understand? I’m only tired.

“You expect me to be grateful,” you tell him. “For hunting down a piece of me and bringing it back in your mouth. So much for your gentle touch.”

You almost understand, but as much as I’d like to see him kicked it should be for the right reasons. Here now, his limp, obliging hand to my throat, do you see? For that only, I asked and he gave.

“What good are you to me?” you say, unheeding. Stubborn. “What good are you to me if you hurt the only part of me you can reach?”

“Do you wish me to leave?” he asks. He’s not hurting me now. He doesn’t want to touch me now.

“I don’t know the answer to that question,” you say.

Is this a kindness? It feels like a knife. I want to hurt him but if you ask me I’d probably do it all again; I don’t know any other way. And if I told him to go? What would be left? You could march the corpse of Arthur Fitzgerald Jenkins through that door and I’d take him to keep my claws sharp. Anything but another white, empty room.

It’s a cruelty to bind him again, especially to me. Especially to us, but especially to me, who can touch him like this– balling his shirt in my fist like a child about to cry. You and I know what it’s like to be pulled in different directions. And it’s weakness. I don’t know how you did this alone. I don’t know.

I don’t know.

“I understand,” he says.

You say, “That may not be within your power.”

I don’t know how he responds to that. I’m tired of looking at him. I wish I could talk to you properly, and I wish I could talk to you alone, and I don’t know if that will ever happen. I don’t know if you feel what I feel but I hope you don’t.

Still. Still, I like weight of his hand on the back of my neck. His lips pressed against my hair– it’s daring. Maybe the quickest way to get him sent away is to ask him to stay.

“I wanted you to be happy,” you say. “I wanted you both to be happy.”

[strawberrytypewriter]

[Perfect Crime .1]

Pairing: established gn!reader x Seonghwa, reader x Minho, reader x ???

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, implied cheating, uhhh Seonghwa's a lil dumb, cursing, perhaps mature things later

ㅡ

Your life is not perfect.

Nobody's is, and you know that – but all in all, you think it might come close to perfect at this moment in time. At least, that's what you tell everyone.

After all, you have a decent job to help you through school, loving friends, a loving, perfect boyfriend – the only issue being that he attends an entirely different college than you.

But that's okay, you've made it work so far. Weekends, if he isn't busy, are spent with him, on dates or in his apartment. That's becoming increasingly rare as of late with his friends becoming frequent occupants, but he tells you it's because he tries his best to keep it clean but doesn't want you to see whatever chaos they manage to leave behind.

Friends that he loves, you can hear it in his voice when he talks about them – friends that you have yet to meet. 

("They're a lot," he tells you, "just be prepared when you meet them.")

But for the most part, your time with him is restricted to phone calls and facetime. You'll take it – anything for him.

Like now – the phone rings once, twice, three times as you wander aimlessly from the kitchen of your own apartment to the living room. It rings a fourth, clicks with a familiar "hello", and the bright bloom of happiness dims as it continues, "this is Park Seonghwa, please leave a message at the beep".

You don't leave a message, instead hanging up and checking the time with a frown. Perhaps you'd been early? 6:02, the clock reads, mocking you.

Maybe he has his phone on dnd – you're often guilty of that when you're busy studying or in class. So you pull up his contact, typing a message.

[Hey babe, are we still doing our usual call? Let me know! Love you!]

Clicking your phone, you drop onto the couch with a sigh and reach for the remote. You'd make plans with friends if Seonghwa would let you know he's busy or not feeling up to it – but without a definitive answer, you feel guilty for entertaining ideas of anything else.

So you sink into watching tv, halfway through a fourth episode of The Glory before you realize your phone is ringing, caller ID making your heart leap.

Seonghwa.

"Hey," you greet breathlessly, "sorry, I didn't see my phone ringing."

"It's okay," he answers, tone warm and soft, "I just got your text."

You pull your phone away to read the time. 10:34, it reads, and you fight the urge to frown as you bring it back to your ear. "It's okay," you say, hopeful, "we can still talk."

There's a pause. "Actually," Seonghwa says, and your heart sinks. "I don't think I can do it tonight."

"Oh," you say, and it's impossible to keep the disappointment and touch of annoyance from your tone. "But Seonghwa, we haven't talked all week–" 

"I know," he cuts in. "And I'm sorry, I've just been busy. Really busy."

"Yeah!" Comes the sudden crow of another voice, bright and stifling laughter, "busy–" 

Whoever it is goes silent, presumably muffled. There's another beat of silence. "Sorry, I'm studying with Wooyoung and San." 

"Oh." It feels kind of funny, that your vocabulary with him seems to be reduced to that a lot as of late. Oh. It's a knot that forms in your stomach, alive with doubts and worries and fears, a writhing viper's nest that makes breathing hard. "Uh – a-actually, I'm – I'm busy too. I'm going to go, okay?"

"[Name]," Seonghwa intones, a warning and a plea in one. 

"Really." You swallow. "I'm going to go, okay? I love you. Talk to you later?"

"Talk to you later," is his answer, and then the phone clicks. You listen to the dial tone, curled on the couch, tv show forgotten under the hot blur of tears that cloud your vision as you try not to dwell on the true gut punch of the last few minutes.

Seonghwa didn't say love you back.

He loves you. 

He swears that he does, that you're all he could ever want in a partner – he just wishes you weren't so clingy.

Uni is hard enough to juggle along with a job and apartment – and then there's you. You live in the next city over, attending a different school – and he thought it'd be okay. You could make this work.

But you want to spend time with him on the weekends, insist on calls at the end of each week to tell each other about everything that's happened – and truth be told, it's a little stifling. 

Seonghwa feels bad about lying, at least long enough for guilt to linger in his stomach after he's hung up. You'd sounded like you were going to cry, and he hates that.

But he needs space. 

"Dude," San intones when he expresses as much, frowning as his brow furrows, "you have space. [Name] doesn't live with you, or go to school with us." 

Wooyoung, who'd earlier been all too happy to interrupt his phone call, lets his smile fade. "Wait. Did you just lie to–"

"I didn't lie," Seonghwa protests, but the roiling in his stomach says otherwise. He had lied to you, told you that he didn't have time for you. "I'll see them this weekend, it's not a big deal."

They share a look. 

"I dunno," Wooyoung says. "If I were dating you and you started pulling this kind of shit on me, I'd dump you." 

San shrugs when Seonghwa looks at him. "I'm with Wooyoung. You didn't even say 'i love you' back."

"Do I have to?" Seonghwa begins collecting his books off the table. "[Name] knows I love them."

San gives him an unreadable look. "Do they?"

The question haunts Seonghwa, long after San and Wooyoung leave his apartment, after he's retired to his bed. 

Of course you know he loves you. He's never given you reason to doubt it, has he? He rolls onto his side, facing the extra pillow – your pillow when you've stayed over. That'd been a lot right before school started, so much so the sweet, soft smell of your shampoo seemed to seep into the very fiber of the pillow. 

He reaches, bringing the fabric to his nose. All he smells is laundry detergent. 

His eyes drift. His bedroom is neat, long shadows cast by the soft light of his lego display, to his closet – where months ago, he'd had several of your things hung. 

He can't remember the last time you left anything here. His stomach churns, chest tight as he rolls over, away from the other pillow.

 It's love, he tells himself, not guilt that drives him to pick up his phone, to text you. You're asleep – at least he thinks you should be. 

[You know I love you, right?]

The question weighs heavy for you both, neither sure of the answer. 

[galaxythreads]

Hi, this is probably a strange ask, but even tho I know I haven't really commented on your fics, I remember reading them and being really impressed with how well you capture each character's distinct personality (particularly with the Loki and Avengers fics). So I guess my question is, how do you motivate yourself to write stories? I have so many fic ideas (and original stories) that just linger in my head all the time, but I find it difficult to motivate myself to write it out. Do you have the same problem? Is there anything you do to overcome the issue?

nah, you're good. i've gotten waaaay weirder asks before.

Motivation is a really hard thing. I think that any writer you ask in any form will admit to having motivation struggles at some point or another.

As I wrote my original novel last year, one of the things I discovered about motivation is that...it's different than what we typically think about it as. There were days I woke up and I really wanted to work on my novel, there were others where I could barely scrape a few sentences out of myself.

The thing about me personally and how I deal with this issue is I don't rely just on motivation. I have a schedule. On average, I try to get at least 500 words a day (at a bare minimum), which is about 1 page. often times, it's more than that (like 4-7). The more you write consistently, the easier it will be able to find motivation because you know what you're doing. Writing is just the tool to get there. Writing is a skill and the skill needs to be practiced more than once every couple of months if you want to see yourself make any progress.

I try to write a chapter in something once a week. For a long time that was in fics, which is why I've been able to make 150+ (counting my old account) fics, 80+ over 4k. Right now the majority of that energy is going into my original series. But the thing is, in order to write the chapter, I know I'm not going to be motivated every single day, but it's a habit now. Routine. I don't always want to write, but my day doesn't feel complete without it. I work on a chapter. That's what I do.

my advice for overcoming the motivation barrier is this: set aside time to write every single day. Ten minutes, thirty, etc and stick to that for two weeks. If you only manage to write two pages, that's two pages you didn't have before. If you don't want to write weekends, don't. Motivation will not get you a complete fic. Routine will.

And the most IMPORTANT thing about this is that those are absolutely allowed to be garbage pages. Write 10 pages of garbage. That's you in the future's problem, right now you in the present only has to focus on making sure the words get down.

But what will help you enjoy writing the fic is having something you're working for. That scene you want to write, the specific line you want to write, you need to have goals and things you want to explore in the fic as you work on it so that way you feel like you're reaching milestones. Milestones like:

chapter 1 - clint and Loki argue over the book, clint falls asleep and loki wakes him up because he can tell he's scared

chapter 5 - clint and Loki talk to Chitauri

Chapter 9 - they find Thor

stuff YOU WANT TO WRITE. Motivation is what you want to write, it's why you feel excited to write. Motivation is not some sacred untouchable thing. It's literally excitement. And that's why you can't rely on it every single day to get you a fic/story. Because you will not feel excited for every single part of the fic/story. That's literally impossible. Sometimes writing is boring or painful or just. bleh. it doesn't mean it will read that way, but you feel that way.

But that part you are excited for -- that makes writing it worth it in the end. You reach those goals and those milestones and the motivation makes it worth it.

So I would recommend trying to write every day as best as you can, and then set up some milestones for yourself, vague/not vague. If you can have an idea of what's coming in the next chapter, you're usually going to be more motivated to work on it because you are excited for the next chapter.

Hopefully, this helps a little, please let me know if you want clarification/expansion on anything!

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖      

Chapter 26 - Old Messages, pt. 2.

--------------Congo's point of view--------------------

I had promised myself there would be no more between me and Andy, but already the next day, I knew it was impossible to keep. I wanted him more than ever, and breakfast was almost impossible to get through. Marius was sweet, lovingly sitting on my lap, trying to feed me breakfast pancakes, while I was trying to pretend to read the morning news paper. I was mainly trying to avoid eye contact with him. I had never cheated on a partner before. And the burning feeling in My stomach was awful to bare. I had tried reading a few lines of the paper, but I kept getting interrupted by visions of Andy and I kissing in the forest last night. It was impossible to concentrate in anything. It was impossible denying I wanted more. The whole day I was wandering around aimlessly, I couldn't get Andy out of my head, and being with Marius made my guilt grow every minute. So late afternoon I decided to drive 2 km to a small mountain town, located behind my dads house. Not even the fresh air could clear my head, even though I tried my best. The evening seemed to run at snail speed, so I decided to call it a night already around 9. It was early for me, and Marius did question it a bit. I couldn't sleep however, thoughts of Andy and how this situation could possibly turn in my favor, were racing my mind. I had loved him 10 years. 10 whole years. Since the very first night I met him. And now he had finally fallen for me. But being engaged to a vampire, was a deadly cocktail, at least for the one standing in the way. I knew I needed to get as far away as possible, but he was my Andy. It's safe to say I hoped and begged it was him on the line, when suddenly my phone lit up in the dark bedroom later that night.

Andy: I miss you. A lot. I wish I could wrap your arms around me, and fall asleep like that. Safe. I sit here looking at the pics of you and Marius… all I can focus on is you… Your lips Your beard How I wanna run my fingers through your hair Your chest Your upper arms I love you I just wanna see you again. I know I need to shut up and move on. I don't wanna hurt you. I know I said everything yesterday… but I just keep running it on repeat. I just wish there were some way we could be together… and no one getting hurt. I just really need you! Close. Always. You keep me calm. You always made me feel safe. You were always so nice to me…. took so good care of me. I miss you so fucking much!! Miss your smell…. I love you.

Congo: I love you too.

Andy: You have no idea what those words mean to me.

Congo: I know what it means to hear them from you.

Andy: <3 I'm so in love with you!

Congo: I'm so in love with you too.

Andy: What are you doing now?

Congo: In bed.

Andy: Were you sleeping? Did I wake you up?

Congo: No, I couldn't sleep.

Andy: Oh… why not?

Congo: Thinking of you.

Andy: Good or bad?

Congo: Both, I guess.

Andy: What was the good?

Congo: YOU.

Andy: (He sent a smiley with stars in it's eyes) And then what's the bad?

Congo: That I can't have you.

Andy: I know! (Smiley crying on the floor)

Congo: What are you doing? Just sitting around in your room?

Andy: Yeah… can't sleep. I'm too restless… horny… confused…

Congo: I guess I feel sort of the same. Plus, it's too hot to sleep.

Andy: Take some clothes off.

Congo: I'm already naked.

Andy: :3 DAMN (followed by a row of blushy and pervy smileys)

Congo: You are crazy.

Andy: You love that about me.

Congo: Yes.

Andy: You make me hard!

Congo: By telling you I'm naked?

Andy: Yes!!! Of course!! You are fucking hot!!! GOD! That bulgy chest of yours!!!!!!!

Congo: What more?

Andy: Your big warm arms.

Congo: Anything else?

Andy: Your kind eyes… Your sexy beard Your strong upper arms Your v of muscles above your jeans line! Your firm ass Your muscly thighs GOD! I fucking want you so much!!!!

Congo: I want you too.

Andy: How much?

Congo: So much that I'm touching myself.

Andy: (Crying smiley, followed by a smiley leaning against a wall) First one was a finger spass… sorry…

Congo: What does the second one mean?

Andy: I wish I was outside your bedroom door!

Congo: Me too!

Andy: I want to feel your naked body against mine… making love to you all night and morning.

Congo: Mmm yeah… I would love that. Feeling my hands all over your perfect body. Tasting your skin. Feeling myself grow inside you.

Andy: Fuck!!! I wanna taste you too… and feel you so badly!!!!! You're so strong and warm. I can't get enough of your warmth! I wish I could push myself inside you, and just live in there…just merge with you… Are you still touching yourself?

Congo: Yes.

Andy: DAMN! I wish I could crawl under your blanker and give you a blowjob. I really wanna swallow you, taste your cum again. Mmmmmm! Tell me how you touch yourself…

Congo: I am slowly stroking my dick, and pulling lightly in my balls. Thinking of you. Wanting your hands and mouth on me.

Andy: Fuck yeah!!!!!!!!!! Wait… what are we doing? I;m so hot now I'm almost burning up!! And I'm touching myself I'm so hard it almost hurts!

Congo: The sweat is running off me. I want you so bad I think I'm gonna scream out your name soon!

Andy: FUCK!!! We need to cool down!

Congo: I know. How about we take a shower? Together. I mean, as together we can. I'll go jump in my shower, you go jump in yours… We jerk off with the thoughts of each other, and when we are done, we meet up here again? You can go to your bed as well, and we can keep talking till we get tired enough to sleep, or simply keep going till we fall asleep?

Andy: Yes! I'm in! I really need to cum! But as I'm quite challanged on that some days, I really need help… this might do :3 just the thought of you makes my insides buzz and my heart pound!

Congo: I know! I feel the same way about you. I'll meet you here in 10-15 minutes. I love you.

Andy: I love you too. (20 minutes later) I'm back!

Congo: Me too.

Andy: :) you make me smile and get butterflies in my stomach.

Congo: :) you too.

Andy: Really??? :D

Congo: Yes.

Andy: I'm melting!

Congo: :)

Andy: Did you cum?

Congo: Yes :) you?

Andy: Yes! Could almost not stand on my legs, that's how good it was!

Congo: Perfect!

Andy: Yes! :3 I kept thinking of your face :3

Congo: Only my face?

Andy: More or less. Only one time I thought of you sucking me. The rest of the time, I just pictured your smile… well, your profile pic here mostly…

Congo: You make me so happy.

Andy: Why? :)

Congo: Because now there's no longer a single shred of doubt in me. I know you are in fact in love with me too. That it's not just lust and a crush. I mean. You didn't just focus one me naked or fucking you. It was my face. Me as a person.

Andy: I told you! :)

Congo: I know, but it sounds too good to be true. Well, it is, since we can't be together. It stings in my heart every time I think of it.

Andy: :/ I don't want you to get hurt, or get bad health because of this. If its easier I'll stop writing these things to you, and we will somehow rewind time till before I told you… at least imagine that part…

Congo: No. Please. Even if it makes things a million times harder, I need to know you love me too. You did the right thing. We will find a way to control this, cause we have to. But for the rest of this night, let us just go to bed, and pretend to cuddle, how does that sound? No bad vibes before sleeping :) Let's keep it light.

Andy: Sounds nice. I would say perfect, but perfect would be you laying next to me, in reality…

Congo: I know sweety. Let's crawl to bed at least this way.

Andy: Alright, I just need to finish eating my bread…

Congo: You're eating? (Back then Andy had a lot of trouble eating. He had gotten of alcohol after around 10 years as an alcoholic, and his stomach wasn't used to solid food. On top of that he had a lot of anxiety around food, so it was a rare thing to see him eat more than a bit of fruit salad or a small bowl of cereal with milk or yoghurt)

Andy: Yes, a big piece of bread with butter and raisins :)

Congo: That makes me happy <3 thank you.

Andy: You don't have to thank me :) I don't wanna die any longer, remember? (he also used to be very suicidal)

Congo: Yes :) but that's also almost too good to believe.

Andy: :) just give me 2 minutes to get done…

Congo: Sure take your time.

Andy: (A few minutes later) I'm done, but I have raisins all over my mouth, I'm gonna go brush my teeth… Congo…how heavy does Marius sleep?

Congo: Pretty heavy, why?

Andy: Uhm, I'm in my own bedroom, so A surely wont hear me. Maybe if you think it wont wake up Marius, I could call you, and we could whisper a bit to each other? Or just be on the line, so we can just feel each other near? Or is that stupid?

Congo: No, it's not stupid. I would very much like that :)

Andy: :D I'll be right back!

Congo: Yes.

Andy: (Another few minutes later) Can I call now?

Congo: Yes :)

Andy: :D

We talked for about 45 minutes that night, till I no longer got an answer. I could hear him breathe deeply, and it was comforting knowing he was safe asleep. I kept pressing my phone againts my ear, as if I was trying to get him closer to me. I fell asleep much later with a smile on my lips, but a heavy heart knowing it was all wrong, and we had to stop.

[sugarfaecult]

Romance: Untold Track by Track Review

In an unfortunate turn of events, I only have opinions when I'm disappointed. So rather than sit here stewing in unhappiness I am going to post my thoughts here where no one is likely to see them.

My first thought about this album is that there is a big disconnect between some of these photo sets and the actual sound. I was really looking forward to this album, based on the photos. But in the end, overall I don't like it so if this has somehow managed to be gazed upon by other human eyes and you think this is the greatest thing you've heard this year, rather than raise your blood pressure go ahead and scroll away now.

track 1 - Moonstruck - actually not a narrated intro this time but a proper song!! they kept trying to tell us it's "like Chaconne". it's very cool but doesn't hold a candle to Chaconne, and could stand to be a little longer. I like this one, 9/10

track 2 - XO - sounds like someone discovered the flange effect on his amplifier and thought it'd be cool if the song sounded like it was underwater. The over-filtered vocals don't add anything to the song and also make it impossible to sing?? the chorus?? live?? a neither here nor there love song that doesn't have the tempo to be exciting or the emotional weight to make me like it. I'll give it a bone for being catchy 3/10

3 - Your Eyes Only - continuing on with the retro synths. Again neither here nor there, has a nice melody but is too short to make an impression. 4/10

4 - Hundred Broken Hearts - another retro mid tempo song that's completely interchangeable with the last one but actually reaches past the 3 minute mark. The only heart broken here is mine. 5/10

5 - Brought The Heat Back - finally an upbeat dance song. Strong bass beat, some really interesting things going on in the vocal melodies. I'd play this at a retro theme dance party. 8/10

6 - Paranormal - the intro sounds like we're going to lead up into a rock song and I thought, heck yeah we're bringing the pop punk back! but then it didn't do that and I was too disappointed by the missed opportunity to really enjoy the rest. 5/10

7 - Royalty - it's a song. I guess it's the kind of thing people like in the summer. Also interchangeable with track 3 and 4. 5/10

8 - Highway 1009 - I have to really think about this because it's the one they actually wrote. A ballad, which I expected from baby's first song. At least it's on guitar and not the piano. I don't have any detractions, but it's not my thing. Extra points for the effort. 7/10

[snugglebuddyhan]

My personal workout/dieting tips:

1. It's okay to have a weight loss goal, but never set a deadline. All it's going to do is put you down if you're not where you expected to be as you're approaching it

2. Allow yourself to eat the foods you crave. The more you criminalize the food you eat the higher the chance of you hating yourself or punishing yourself if you cave in, which can manifest in two different ways. One, you will end up starving yourself for a few days, bc you feel it's what you deserve or two, you're going to binge eat the guilt, which will later turn into you giving up, bc you feel there's no going back after what you just did. If you want that piece of candy or bag of chips just eat it. Punishing yourself for "giving in" will do you more harm than good. Treat yourself

3. Everything you eat doesn't need to be "diet" food. Just eat in moderation. I don't have vegetables, fruit and chicken everyday and I'm doing just fine. And carbs? I eat them all and I'm still loosing weight. I stopped counting carbs ages ago, bc it made me literally want to die. Same with calories. I had the apps. I kept track of everything I ate and calculated my calorie intake on a regular basis and it was exhausting. I'd have to carefully plan every meal, bc if I didn't by time dinner time came I'd only be able to eat a meal worth 150 calories even though my stomach would be eating itself whole. I was letting an app dictate my right to eat. It was a depressing way to live

4. Stop watching tiktok and youtube influencers. Stop letting these people tell you what to do and what not to do. They make dieting and working out extremely miserable and undesirable. They make it seem like eating anything other than their recommended meals (which are often times expensive or unrealistic) or doing anything other than the workout routines they do isn't going to accomplish anything. You don't need these people. I eat what I please and I came up with my own workout routine. Once I stopped letting influencers get in my head I genuinely started to enjoy my lifestyle change

5. You don't have to workout everyday. I try for at least 3 days out of the week. The more you push yourself when you don't feel like it the higher the chance of you giving up. Do what you can when you can

6. Your workout also doesn't need to be vigorous. My workout lasts around 40 minutes and most of it is done with a yoga mat, a weight bench and a medicine ball. It's enough for me to break a sweat. I'm not training for the olympics, so I'm not going to stress and exhaust my body like I am

7. Patience is key. Stop examining your body in the mirror everyday and getting discouraged. What you want isn't going to happen overnight

8. STOP watching skinny fit people who post videos for weight loss, because 9/10 the exercises they do are nearly impossible if you're overweight. I remember my mom watching some videos on YouTube and she couldn't do a single one of them, bc the people in the videos all forgot one key element in their workout routines; our stomachs. These people have been skinny all their life. They don't know what it's like to be in our bodies, so they have no idea how to properly coach us. If I want tips or inspiration I watch other plus size people or people who were once plus sized. It's more helpful and realistic

9. It's okay to take long breaks. Sometimes, I don't workout for a few weeks at a time. I used to stress over gaining the weight back, but I never do. My body looks the exact same as it did before

[erscogadatabase]

14: A Very Belated Very Erscoga Christmas the Second

Date: 1-10-2020 IDST, 3-5-2018 EST

(Nalitie is setting up some ribbons on the wall in the Termata Opera House's main entrance, in the Erscoga Dimensional School District's colors that are also the current Erscoga National Colors. A nice table of snack foods sits on the eastern wall. Christine is in the improvised kitchen, frosting this year's cake alone, while Steven, Dave, and Willy Wonka take care of Lisa, Leonarda, and the Tobiases. A tree that looks noticeably fuller and of better quality sits in the center of the back wall, with a few presents already placed underneath it. Star lights are hung around the perimeter of the room. A chandelier sparkles in the center of the room as Dukermin finally arrives.)

Dukermin: Wow that tree looks great! Almost too great *is suspicious of the actually nice tree*

Nalitie: *from her ladder* That's because I didn't get it from Homeless Henry's friend this year. Now that Mettaton is out of your head, he offered to pay us back for keeping his SOUL safe by providing money for decorations. *checks clock* Oh shoot, guests will be arriving any minute...

(A few people are already flooding in as SAM makes her grand entrance, or at least as she potentially makes an impactful entry, I don't know, integrating interdimensional folks into documents is a mess.)

Sam: *casually entering through the front door* Sup.

Nalitie: *climbing off her ladder* Woah you came in like a normal human. Thanks for not breaking the ceiling.

Dukermin: *is offering to take peoples coats but isn't putting them anywhere and now just has like 50 coats* We're not used to such normalcy.

Nalitie: Civility is always a pleasant surprise.

Sam: *shrugs* Yeah. I'm not a bursting through the ceiling kind of person.

Dukermin: Hey remind me to show you my dog later. He could be anywhere between 2 inches and 100 feet tall at any given moment so I can't bring him to parties.

Sam: That's... too big.

Nalitie: He also likes to run through electric fences. First thing he did once he became a real character outside of VR, I believe, I dunno, that document was like 5 years ago.

Dukermin: He's really good at breaking my rules and that's why I love him.

(A few more assorted guests arrive--the folks from Aeuton are here, as well as a few scattered Dunkelians like Ominglai, Stobia, and Neirmkedu, plus Sage from Lux. Also the GCL folks made it. It's mostly people from Termata, now that you're looking.)

Dukermin: I wonder where all the pluton- oh nevermind.

Nalitie: *cautiously looking into a parallel reality/document* We should probably just leave all discussion on Pluto til later. Wouldn't want to disrupt Erscoga canon by trying to deal with the problem in two ways at once.

Sam: *completely ignoring everything and focused on the snacks*

Dukermin: *stands on a chair* Hello guests! Merry Holidays/Happy Situations!

Sam: JUST GO WITH MERRY CANDLENIGHTS!

Nalitie: But that's not an Official Government Holiday. Come to think of it, does Erscoga even have any nationally-recognized holidays?

Dukermin: Yes, my dog's birthday and We Survived 9/17 are the only ones on there last I checked.

Nalitie: Oh, right. Do you keep those on parchment or a sock? I can't remember which is more official these days.

Dukermin: oh the sock of course.

Nalitie: Ah. *sees someone coming in through the door* *goes to direct them to the tree, where presents are being placed*

Dukermin: Oh right i have to put my presents under the tree *tosses about 30 small presents all of the same size under tree*

Nalitie: Oh you remembered this year. You know what else I remembered?

Dukermin: Do tell!

Nalitie: *points to makeshift kitchen's entrance/exit, where Christine is carrying out several plates of stacked cupcakes* Cupcake jenga!

Sam: Cupcake... jenga?

Dukermin: Hooray! *to Sam* It's just Jenga but its a stack of cupcakes and impossible to win

Sam: *mumbling* Those poor cupcakes...

Dukermin: Oh and any cupcakes you manage to pull out you can place on your head!

Nalitie: It's a very complex game. Maybe we should start up a tournament some day, when everyone's had a lot of time to practice. Remind me to make it an official school sport.

Dukermin: Ah yes

Nalitie: *realizing it's rather quiet and, dare she say, peaceful at this party* *is unsettled because Erscoga is constantly chaotic and everything is going too well*

Dukermin: *reading her mind* okay it's time to crank this party up a bit! *turns on "come on Eileen" but the song is backwards* *starts randomly stacking chairs to make a tall tower*

Nalitie: *goes to check on Christine's cake, since she doesn't have help from Mettaton this year*

Sam: *watches Dukermin's chaos while eating*

Ask Erik! Tobias: *excited now* *goes to cheer at Dukermin and not do anything other than that and drawing on the chair legs with their crayons*

Erscoga Tobias: *crawling around on the floor because he's significantly younger*

Willy Wonka and Steven: *awkwardly ballroom dancing with each other around armfuls of baby*

Dukermin: Oh! I have presents for everyone! *goes to retrieve presents*

Nalitie: *comes back out of the kitchen* Oh are we doing presents now? Are we doing this the same way as last year? Or, uh.... However long ago that was?

Dukermin: hmmm wait what did we do first last year? I know we fought ninjas at some point during one of the parties.

Nalitie: Not that part, I meant where everyone gives out the presents they brought to the intended recipients.

Dukermin: oh yeah that makes sense. *Starts handing out presents to everyone*

Nalitie: *same, except she only has a few because a lot of her friends are from Pluto* *gives a medium-sized box to Dukermin and a mysterious-looking bag to Sam*

Alex: *has attended this year and hands Dukermin and Nalitie matching boxes, looking guilty that he didn't know the war was over and that Sam was also here* *makes a mental note to create another prototype when he gets home*

Hope: *has knit every single person in the room like a scarf or something*

Sam: *just gives presents to Dukermin and Nalitie because she doesn't know everyone else enough*

(Everyone who has received a gift from dukermin has gotten just an American 20 dollar bill but it can't actually be used anywhere because it has been bejeweled with the recipient's face on it

Christine: *wheels out a gigantic cake with all the party's attendees' faces on it, which is her gift to everyone*

Nalitie: *urges Dukermin and Sam to open their gifts from her*

Sam: *does that*

(Nalitie has given Sam a couple of things from around Erscoga: a bone from Papyrus, a singular crystal from a chandelier in the first Menards that was placed on Lux, a grain of corn from Bensel, a vial of the atmosphere of Dunkel (somehow), a scrap of yarn from Aeuton, one of Flowey's petals, a bag of virtual coffee from Coloria, a crayon from her house, and a single pair of buttercup earrings. She says it's an offer of goodwill to make peace after Sam's crushing defeat in the War of Ask Erik! and Erscoga.)

Sam: I uh... wouldn't say I lost but alright.

Dukermin: *opens Nalitie's gift*

(Nalitie has given Dukermin a new bag of cheese, a piece of new sheet music, and a black cape with space-patterned fabric inside.)

Dukermin: Yes cheese! Oh these are really cool *looks at sheet music and attempts to play it on a kazoo borrowed from Candle Grandma and puts on cape*

Alex: *approaches the group* Hey, have you opened mine yet? I think you'll like them. *to Sam* Sorry I didn't make one for you right away. No official news went out that the war was over, so I didn't know you'd be here. How's life in Ask Erik!?

Sam: *shrugs* Uhhhh... it's been... uninteresting. Dormant. But peaceful.

Alex: I'm guessing part of it was helped by us leaving... I think we took all the chaos with us. Anyway, it's nice to see you again.

Sam: *leaning towards Nalitie* Who is he?

Nalitie: .... Alex, from Aeuton? He helped Shay and Vella with the whole... Mog Chothra thing? I think he's like 340 years old? *slowly tearing open wrapping paper*

Sam: OH. Oh. Yeah.

Nalitie: *opens her gift and takes out a carefully-knit gauntlet thing* ??? *turns to Dukermin* You get this too?

Dukermin: *opens present* Yep.

Alex: *already has one on* Ever since Shay dropped his lunchbox portal into the ocean, I've been working with Hope and Green Circle Labs to come up with an even more portable transportation system. It's based off the one on my ship; every location in the multiverse has its own 5 or 6 note melody, and if you play that and hit this button *points* you'll be transported there. We're still working on transcribing the frequencies for each dimension to create a song, but... There should be some presets on that thing. Oh, and you'll bring anything you're holding along with you.

Dukermin: Wow cool! *finds a tune for Disneyland and teleports away briefly* *comes back with a new hat and a shirt* This is rad!

Nalitie: Nice! That'll definitely shorten up the process of going to, like, steal places from Fiction.

Dukermin: *looks at sheet music Nalitie got her* Hey Nalitie, what is this song? Did you write it?

Nalitie: No. I found it at GCL, and I thought it looked cool.

(There's actually two versions of the piece in the little packet Nalitie gave you--an SSA version and a full SATB version. The piece is titled "In Noctem," and looks slightly older. The way its written suggests that it's from a dimension not too unlike your own, since the notation is readable.)

Dukermin: * holds up SSA version* Hey Sam and Nalitie, wanna try it out? I call 2nd Soprano

Nalitie: *shrig* I'll take the top part? We can do our Typical Trio Arrangement ™. Except sight reading is hard and we don't have a piano, so hopefully we actually do this justice...

Sam: Uhhhhhhhhh, let's see if I can still sight read...

Dukermin: *plays first notes on kazoo*

Nalitie: *whispers* If it's any help, the alto part is rather simple. *was not paying attention to her starting note, except everyone is in unison so she assumes its ok*

*the gang attempts to sing the piece*

Nalitie: *did not warm up first and didn't realize that her part's actually kind of high* *struggles a bit*

Dukermin: *has been singing alto for a hot while and forgot what not low stuff felt like*

Sam: *feels the same way if anything goes higher*

(Amidst the rather pathetic sight-singing attempt, a rather depressing, kind of mysterious song tries to emerge. It's certainly not a Christmas song.)

Dukermin: Hey who turned off Come on Eileen!?

Sam: Me. It was creepy.

Dukermin: Unforgivable. Wait but you didnt turn anything else on?

Sam: *shrugs*

Nalitie: *looking back and forth between Dukermin's sheet music, the gauntlet on her arm, and the rather lackluster party* We should go on an Unexpected Adventure ™.

Dukermin: You read my mind! .*hits the button on the gauntlet*

Nalitie: *still trying to play the first few notes of the melody on her gauntlet* *grabs Sam's arm* *presses the button* *is gone also*

*wheee*

(As the main cast makes Banana Man noises, they tumble out into a rather dark stone corridor. It's surprisingly humid down here, and the walls are lined with torches and candles. Some people startle and move out of the way, looking at the trio suspiciously and running towards the nearest adult because they are children.)

Dukermin: Greetings and Salutations friends! I am... Jim Brown and we come in peace!

(Some of the nearby kids eye you warily. Suddenly the adults are there and there are like 11 things pointed at you and people are screaming stuff that sounds vaguely like Latin, as the few things that you happen to not even be holding anymore fly out of your hands.)

Dukermin: rude. *puts hands up* *does not want to be shot/attackedd*

Nalitie: Oh dang, this was not the Unexpected Adventure I was expecting. *also raises hands *whispers to Dukermin and Sam* what do we do??? What's our cover story? Who is Jim Brown????

Dukermin: I guess Jim Brown is me now idk.

Sam: We could always run.

(You are currently surrounded by a crowd of students wearing what looks like school uniforms, as well as a handful of adults who are targeting you with wands. One of them asks you what your business is being there and how exactly you got there in the first place.)

Dukermin: *loudly* You have all just been witness to my greatest magic trick to date! You have just seen The Great Jimini Brownini make herself and her two assistants appear out of thin air! We are not here to harm you only to amaze and astound!! *flourishes fancy new cape*

Sam: We literally just appeared here, I don't know what's going on.

Unnamed Adult Person Because The Author Has Not Developed Her Compendium of Character Voices for This Franchise Yet: Is this a game to you? How did you get past our defenses? No one should be able to just... appear here.

Sam: Yeah, I really don't know.

Nalitie: *nervously* Uhhh and now The Great Jimini Brownini's assistant will make Jimini Brownini and the other assistant and herself disappear again!! *frantically inputting a random melody into her gauntlet* *grabs Sam and Dukermin*

Dukermin: *as she is disappearing* Wingardium Leviosa!

Sam: *facepalms*

Guy Who is in fact part of this franchise but who will remain mute for the rest of this document: *tries to grab them as they disappear and manages to grab Nalitie's arm* *is transported away as well*

(The dimension you end up in is chaotic. Submarines are floating in the sky above Mars, and in the distance you can see some guy singing and jumping into a volcano. There's a dead guy on the ground at your feet, and unicorns are shooting lasers somewhere to your left. There's more Latin chanting coming from a disembodied chorus all around you.)

Dukermin: Oh my gosh I want to /live/ here.

Nalitie: Somehow we ended up somewhere even weirder than Erscoga...

Guy who tagged along: *panicking and confused, but trying to hide it under a thick layer of looking apathetic*

Sam: *also confused* What the heck.

Dukermin: There is no way nature did this, someone had to have authored this and whoever they are, I want them to be my kinda mom.

Chorus: Vanitati! Latinae! Canentis! Hootus Dei!

Dukermin: Somehow, this seems very familiar...

Guy: *is hearing the chanting and expecting attacks to be coming at him, but nothing is happening*

Nalitie: I... What do we even do here? Do we do anything???

Dukermin: All I know is I want me one of them unicorns.

Guy: *incredulous look at Dukermin* *isn't going to be mute after all* They appear to be overcome by Dark Magic.

Dukermin: Oh hey sorry I didn't see you there I'm... uh... yeah i'm Dukermin. You're probably gonna be with us for a while. What do you know about Dark Magic?

Guy: *suspiciously silent* *narrows eyes at Dukermin and has gone back to being mulish*

Sam: Maybe we shouldn't touch the unicorns.

Dukermin: Aww man. Maybe once we fix the dark magic. *Looks at guy* Hey I told you my name, would you be alright with sharing yours? Cuz otherwise we're just gonna name you something like Bud.

Sam: Or Doctor Mushrooms.

Dukermin: That's so long, at that point we should just call him a Fungi. *nearing on copyright infringement probably but it's okay*

Sam: If only he was a Firbolg.

Dukermin: Maybe he is, I can't see him through that thick layer of apathy. AnYWAy.

Guy: That's not... *reconsiders* I don't plan on staying with you insolent fools for long anyway. Besides, with your supposed interest in Dark Magic, how can I guarantee that you aren't a servant of the Dark Lord, hm?

Sam: How do we not know that you are, huh?? What's your name, punk?

Guy: *sneers* I believe you dubbed me "Bud," did you not?

Sam: Actual name, before I go after you with my sword. And we didn't officially dub you that yet.

Dukermin: Yeah there are a lot of options to weigh. And We are not servants of any dark lord, we pretty much just do whatever we want y'know. And I never said we were /interested/, just interested in your knowledge about it, /sir/.

(As Guy/Bud/Doctor Mushrooms/Fungi/punk opens his mouth to respond, the chorus fades out and an ear-splitting shriek fills the air. Morse code pounds into your head as a transmission is given over the entire planet, garbled by static. Yes this is how the album ends. I think. The Author only listened to it once.)

Dukermin: Whyyy! *runs around to escape pounding*

Nalitie: *covering her ears, but finding no relief* owww.

Sam: *screaming*

Guy: *Also hearing the transmission, but not nearly to the excruciating effect as everyone else*

Dukermin: Sam you understand every language, do you know morse code?

Sam: YEAH.

Transmission: "ACTIVATE ZARGOTHRAX CLONE ALPHA 1"

Sam: *repeats it to the others*

Dukermin: Zargothrax... I know that name. This might be trouble.

Nalitie: Yeah...

Guy: *raises an eyebrow at Dukermin* Who is Zargothrax?

Dukermin: He's like the enemy in at least three albums, he will be the enemy in up to 21 future albums.

Nalitie: Yeah, he's like.... This really evil wizard guy? Who got frozen in ice in the first album, but then was freed and tried to take over the galaxy, but failed and was sucked through a wormhole into this dimension, which he did take over, except the hero--Angus McFife the 13th--defeated him here again and... *to Dukermin and Sam* hey, where is Angus McFife? Have you guys seen a guy in like green armor wielding a hammer?

Sam: *nods slowly and also shrugs*

Dukermin: 80% sure we saw him jump into a volcano when we got here. I might be wrong tho. He keeps coming back somehow.

Nalitie: ... huh. This dimension is so weird. I'm glad we don't live here. Reminds me too much of Ask Erik!, if I'm being honest, what with all of the cross-dimensional travel and resurrection....

Dukermin: hm. If that really was Angus McFife we saw diving to his death, then this dimension might be doomed, but there are still supposed to be about 17 more albums...

Nalitie: Yeah hm. But Zargothrax is also dead *points at the dead Zargothrax* so maybe this dimension isn't doomed for a while. Maybe we shouldn't be here when it happens tho.

Sam: *butting in* THE MESSAGE LITERALLY SAID A CLONE OF THAT DUDE. A. CLONE.

Dukermin: Oofta. *scans the horizon looking for any chance that we can save this world*

Nalitie: Yeah, but do we wanna mess with canon before it's created? Maybe Angus McFife will also come back. He jumped into the volcano because he got stabbed with the Knife of Evil, which made that guy evil and really powerful *points at Ser Proletius*.

Dukermin: I hate to just leave something so beautiful yet self-destructive.

Sam: Yeah but if we don't leave it's gonna destroy us soooooooooooo... *making arm gestures to get out of here*

Nalitie: *checking out gauntlet, trying to remember the sequence to get them back into Erscoga* *enters something, but isn't sure if it's right* Maybe we should skedaddle? *holds out other arm for other people to grab*

Dukermin: *skedeedle skedoodle*

Guy: *begrudgingly grabs Nalitie's arm as she presses the button to leave, assuming Sam is holding on and coming with them*

Sam: *very much grabs arm*

(You're on a roof. It's raining, and also it's the morning. On one side, the roof drops off towards the ground; on the other, you can see windows that don't look like they'll actually open. It looks kind of familiar... You think you're on Earth again. It's certainly not Erscoga.)

Dukermin: *leans over edge of roof and peers into window*

(Down on the ground, you see a big field, and in the window it looks like some sort of a classroom. There's big black tables lining the walls with a section of desks in the front. No one is in there right now.)

Dukermin: Ah its school.

Sam: Gross.

Nalitie: *looking in window over Dukermin's shoulders* Looks different than usual, though. Look in this room. *points to other window*

(This classroom is set up a tad differently. You can see the door, and on the adjacent wall, there's the teacher's desk. A man who looks eerily like your travelling companion sits there frowning and grading papers. Desks are set up on either side of him, down an aisle, and a smartboard is on the wall opposite him.)

Dukermin: *looks from Guy ™ and teacher person* Hm.

Guy: ???

Dukermin: Hey look at this teacher person.

GUy: *looks in window* *frowns* *turns to Dukermin* What kind of trickery is this?

Dukermin: See that's what I was wondering but I wasn't so rude about it, punk.

Guy: *scowls at Dukermin, then goes to explore the other windows*

Teacher Guy: *puts away his last paper as students come in the door*

Students: *sitting down*

Random Kid: *sees Dukermin and Nalitie and everyone peering in the windows* Ummm Mr. Napce? There's people...

Dukermin: *waves* *taps on window, and does that "got my eyes on you" gesture at the teacher*

Sam: *another facepalm*

Mr. Napce: *gets up from his desk and goes over to the window, opening the little panes at the bottom so they can talk through the screen*

Guy: *away at the other window, out of sight*

Mr. Napce: What exactly are you three doing on the roof in the rain on a school day?

Dukermin: I can do what I want, I'm a grown adult ™ .

Mr. Napce: You are trespassing on school grounds. Give me a reason not to call the police on you.

Sam: *big shrug*

Dukermin: Um, because, um. We are, um. Not trespassing.

Nalitie: *panics under the pressure and runs off the roof, using the lack of power cap to not die*

Dukermin: We're here with your twin brother.

Mr. Napce: *narrows eyes* I don't have a twin brother.

Dukermin: Maybe he's just a brother, don't know his age or your age for that matter, or maybe it was all just a big coincidence haha ha don't call the cops.

(The man in front of you appears to be a young man; he can't be much older than 30. His dark hair is a little shorter than Guy's hair, cut around his chin, and he looks at you with dark eyes and a piercing stare. He's dressed on the more formal end of the teacher wardrobe spectrum, but his clothes are in much lighter shades than Guy's all-black attire. Also he's not wearing robes like your compatriot.)

Dukermin: Hey where are we exactly? Like is this Earth?

Mr. Napce: ??? Yes, it is...

Dukermin: Cool, that's totally normal, Earth is where I am everyday. I never leave the Earth homeland. I should probably go...

Mr. Napce: *no less suspicious; in fact, he's even more suspicious than before* *gestures to one of his students to call 911*

Dukermin: Byeee *jumps to top of roof and looks for Guy* *Calls to him* Hey man, I found an alternate version of yourself! Isn't that cool?

Guy: *already has seen Mr. Napce* *just stares* *trying to open the window of the empty classroom*

Dukermin: *helps him* *summons a spear to pry it open if it doesn't budge*

Window: *opens at the bottom like Mr. Napce's; there's not enough room to get in the window, also there's screens in the way*

Dukermin: *pulls out a little baby bomb* *looks at Guy* How bad do you want to get in that classroom?

Guy: *staring at the bomb, unsure of what it is* ???

Dukermin: Why do you wanna get in there? Cuz I can definitely get you in there.

Guy: Well, since it seems that our only means of travel has ejected herself off of this roof, it is imperative that we find another way out. *sneers* Unless, of course, you wish to follow in your friend's self-destructive footsteps?

Dukermin: I'm not much of a follower, but that doesn't mean my actions aren't self-destructive. *blows up window* *jumps into classroom* *grabs Sam and throws her through the window*

Sam: *screams*

Guy: *carefully climbs through window hole*

(The classroom is dark, save for the light coming in through the windows and also the hole you just made. The walls are lined with cabinets, labelled with their contents. The door is closed and locked. A bulletin board covered in students' artwork sits on the wall behind the teacher's desk. A small figurine of a flying piece of food sits on the teacher's desk.)

Guy: *rifling through the cabinets, taking vials and various chemicals and pocketing them with vague interest*

Dukermin: Hey that's illegal *spots a cool small periodic table and snatches it*

Guy: *raises an eyebrow at Dukermin as he puts a test tube in his pocket*

Dukermin: It was just an objective comment. We should keep moving before the cops show up *leaves the classroom*

Guy: Mm. *follows her out*

Dukermin: *heads down the main stairwell* *before heading down checks the corner by the vent for writing*

(There's a couple of names scrawled there in pencil, but they don't look familiar at all. You hear a voice over the speaker system announcing a school lockdown, and doors begin to shut all down the hall you just came from.)

Dukermin: Ack. *looks for the quickest way outside*

Guy: *is just following Dukermin; has no idea where they are*

Dukermin: *leaves through the doors near the cafeteria*

Guy: *follows*

Dukermin: *grabs cell phone and tries to call Nalitie*

Nalitie: *is right on the other side of the parking lot, phone ringing rather loudly* Oh hey, there you guys are!

Sam: *has been following Dukermin the whole time*

Nalitie: Awesome, we should leave before we get arrested on this Earth too. *taps a hopefully correct Erscoga sequence into her gauntlet* *holds out arm for everyone to grab onto*

Guy: *grabs onto Nalitie* *is fully confused, but happy with his new supply of glassware and chemicals to study*

Dukermin: *right before they ... blast off i guess* *to Guy* you know, you seem reallllly familiar, it's just on the brink of my brain...

Sam: *nods in agreement* Yeah. Snape.

Dukermin: *simultaneously shouts* Alan Rickman oh wait snape yeah that's your name.

Snape: ?!?! How did--

(Nalitie hits the button on her gauntlet, grinning. As you're pulled through time and space, you feel as though something is a little bit... off. You hear an alarming beeping noise and a voice loudly proclaiming "LOW BATTERY" as you're pulled into a world where everything is just flashing strobe lights and hushed conversations around your nonexistent ears.)

Sam: *was about to respond, before she just goes quiet* Huh... Well.

(You have a vaguely distorted musical noise, in a simple 4/4 beat, as the light continue to flash. You feel like you're being electrocuted, when you're pulled into a vaguely fuzzy scene. You're all standing in a small, dark room with a computer sitting in the middle of it, as the beat drones on in the back of your minds.)

Sam: I was uh... gonna say that there's only a select few of people that call Voldemort the Dark Lord soooooooo, pretty obvious once you started grabbing those chemicals, dude.

Dukermin: Burn, bro.

Snape: *still has no idea how you even know of him, considering you appeared randomly inside Hogwarts dressed rather oddly and probably covered in frosting, straight from the Christmas masquerade*

Dukermin: Anyway, we'll take care of that later, anyone else feel like they somehow survived the electric chair and had their lives thrown backwards before ultimately ending up in this weird little room?

Sam: Yep.

Nalitie: Yeah, except for the part where this is strange--wow my head hurts--this is part of my vent hole, but before I expanded it.

Dukermin: Wait, if this is your vent hole... Then where are we in the grand scheme of things?

Nalitie: I--man that noise is annoying, can anyone else hear that?--this is my vent hole, but before I even got to Ask Erik!. Back in my technical home dimension, which was destroyed a long time ago.

(The noise is pulsing with growing intensity and gradually picking up tempo.)

Dukermin: Nalitie... what's happening? *goes to the computer to see if she can shut it off*

Sam: *generally freaking out and not knowing what to do*

(The computer is open to the Treegrass Institutes homepage, but it looks different--more sincere. The owners of the hospital are smiling in the staff picture, and everyone's names seem changed. The bottom of the page lists Kristin Tretter, Cassidy Brockett, and Tahlia Wallace as the main contributors to the site. The world is flashing to white at varying intervals again.)

Dukermin: *searches for an off switch or a power cord*

(It's just a normal computer. Made by Skylight Technology Corp, 2009.)

Dukermin: *pulls the cord free*

(The computer shuts off, but the pulse of the world only grows in intensity; soon everything is white again, white and dark red. You hear more voices, you hear singing, and soon you hear birds.)

Sam: *still silently freaking out from the Treegrass stuff*

Dukermin: Nalitie your vent hole is wack. Are there any exits?

Nalitie: I'm honestly not sure how much of this is my vent hole. My "vent hole" back then was just a little crawlspace in my basement.

(The pulsing stops suddenly, and you hear a soft piano melody in the background. Your vision is filled with the outdoors in the late afternoon; you're standing on a little hill and the sun shines down on you. In the distance, you can see two children, but their faces are covered with the mask of a Lost SOUL. Snape stiffens next to you, almost imperceptibly.)

Sam: HEY CAN WE LEAVE I WANNA LEAVE LEAVING WOULD BE AMAAAAAAAZING.

Dukermin: *hands Sam a lollipop and pats her head* *heads toward the children*

(The children don't seem to respond to your presence. Nalitie is attempting to input a melody on her gauntlet, but it seems to be dead. The pulsing is back, growing to a deafening din. Sounds like a guitar string.)

Sam: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

(The world flashes again, and now you're in Disney World. Mickey Mouse is talking to nearby children, his pockets full of bombs. A bright orange van sits on the edge of the scene.)

Dukermin: *approaches Mickey* Hey! I thought you weren't working today?

(Mickey Mouse seems confused. A chorus of reversed voices is chanting something in the background. Another Nalitie stands by the van, flanked by Christine and Alphys.)

Dukermin: *looks between the two Nalities* *turns to the real one* yo we gotta get out of here.

Nalitie: I'm trying *uselessly tapping at her gauntlet, holding it up to the flashing sky, hoping there's some latent electricity in whatever is going on*

Dukermin: What kind of batteries does it take. There's gotta be a dollar store around here somewhere, although it /is/ Orlando so...

Nalitie: Something tells me we're not exactly in a full reality. *checking underside of gauntlet for the battery slot*

(The chorus grows louder, and the world flashes. You feel like you're being electrocuted again, and you appear in another hazy scene. You're in a little house, and a red-haired girl and a sullen, brooding man are sitting on the couch, seemingly talking to no one. A 10-year old boy bounds around the room. Another version of Sam is here, or at least you think it's her. Like the children from a few scenes ago, her head is blurred out.)

Sam: *gets a little bit excited*

Dukermin: You know this place?

Nalitie: Holy cow, it's--man, this song is getting on my nerves, this would be so much more enjoyable if we weren't being electrocuted--it's this place... This is Log_Lady's house, if I'm not mistaken. *frantically looking for batteries*

Sam: Yeah! Or, was. Canonically it's now Erik and Raoul's house.

Nalitie: Confusing. *realizes* ugh wait dukermin don't you have one of these too? Maybe you could get us out of here--any place is better than this.

Dukermin: *looks at arm where gauntlet still is* Oh yeah duh! *looks for code to Bensel* *inputs code*

Nalitie: *grabs onto Dukermin*

Snape: *same, through the blinding headache and awful feeling of being electrocuted*

Dukermin: Everyone ready? *presses button beep beep off we go*

(Soon, everyone was in the rolling corn fields of Bensel. It's pitch black outside. As you land in the foliage, you hear a nearby door creak open. Someone was surprised by your arrival.)

Sam: *peeks out of the foliage*

Old McDonald: *pointing his shotgun out the door, looking around for movement* What're you hooligans doing in my corn again? I know yer out there!!! *shoots off a warning shot somewhere above the top of the corn*

Sam: *runs for it*

Dukermin: Ah sorry sir we didn't mean to disturb your corn! We were just leaving!

Old McDonald: *hears her voice, but doesn't see her (since she's still in the corn somewhere)* *shoots somewhere to Dukermin's left*

Dukermin: Ack! *rolls away further into the cornfield*

Nalitie: *digging in her pockets for her nanofiber yarn armor from the last Christmas party* *idea* *pulls out her phone and calls Christine* *will be busy for a few lines of dialogue*

Snape: *got separated from the group when they landed and is lurking somewhere farther away in the corn*

Sam: *eventually runs into Snape* *grabs onto him* MARCO!

Snape: *is startled and defensive, pulling out his wand and aiming it at her on impulse, before realizing it's her*

Nalitie: *from wherever she is, covering her phone with one hand to spare Christine's precious hearing* POLO!

(Old McDonald shoots off another shot into the corn.)

Sam: *heads in that direction, looking for Dukermin too*

Dukermin: *rolls into Sam and screeches* oh it's just you!

Snape: *hisses at her to be quiet as Old McDonald shoots off another shell, beginning to wade into the cornfield*

Sam: *grabs onto Dukermin, continuing to head in the direction of Nalitie*

Nalitie: *finishes her call with Christine and hangs up*

Old McDonald: I know yer in there! Show yourselves!! *loading another shell into his gun*

Sam: MARCO!!

Nalitie: POLO! *ducks as Old McDonald shoots in her general direction*

Sam: *soon reaches Nalitie* *whispering* Can we get out of here now?

Dukermin: *whispering also* Where to? I made the decision last time and it didn't turn out great...

Nalitie: Let's just get out of this corn and into safer pastures. Help is on its way, because there's no way I'm using these gauntlets again until Alex gets all the bugs worked out.

Dukermin: fair. *crouches down and heads out of the corn*

Nalitie and Snape: *following Dukermin*

Sam: *also following*

(As they leave the corn, somewhere in the direction Isole's much safer farm land, or perhaps 7even's small demesne, you hear sleigh bells jingling in the air.)

Christine: *waves from Santa's sleigh in the air*

Dukermin: *waves back* It's a holiday miracle

Santa: *lands sleigh* Ho ho ho! Hello again!

Christine: I was wondering where you went! *to Nalitie* You promised to help with the Tobiases during the second half of the party! You had us worried sick!

Nalitie: *guilty*

Dukermin's giant dog: *is flying the sleigh somehow who knows*

(Suddenly, from out of the corn behind you, Old McDonald appears! He brandishes his gun at you. Christine screams. Snape whirls around defensively. Nalitie considers jumping off the nonexistent roof again.)

Sam: *pulls out sword*

Santa: Now hold on there, kids! *stands between everyone* Old McDonald! If you don't want to end up on the naughty list, you won't shoot these people! You wouldn't want to get coal in your stocking, would you?

Old McDonald: *glares and grumbles* *drops gun* *mumbles* no.

Dukermin: sorry we were in your corn, it was an accident. It was a whole malfunctioning portal gauntlet thing and eh.

Nalitie: yeah. We'll get out of your hair :) *climbs into sleigh with Christine*

Dukermin: *follows, pets Dog ™ *

Sam: *sadly puts sword away*

Snape: *begrudgingly gets into sleigh as well*

Old McDonald: *leaves*

Nalitie: We should probably head back to the masquerade, just to make sure everything gets cleaned up, at least.

Dukermin: definitely, also we never opened Sam's presents!

Nalitie: Oh dang!! I totally forgot, what with the constantly being on the move and feeling either vaguely threatened or vaguely on fire.

Sam: Oh uhhhhh, they're um. Yeah.

(And so they all headed back to the Termata Opera House to end the Christmas Masquerade. Inside the building, the last few stragglers--Alex, Steven, Willy Wonka, and all four of Nalitie and Christine's children--just kind of sitting around inside the venue, finishing off some last pieces of cake. The presents from Sam are still on the floor wherever Nalitie and Dukermin were last standing.)

Dukermin: *wishes merry whatevers to everyone left and opens present*

Nalitie: *also opening hers while also returning her gauntlet to Alex, explaining the situation that just happened, but thanking him for it regardless*

{insert presents that Sam can't think of}

Nalitie: Wow, awesome! *wears her amorphous blob as a hat*

Dukermin: Wow thank you it's my favorite thing!

Nalitie: This has been another successful Christmas Party, I think, and this time you didn't end up with Mettaton in your head! We just have this guy *points at Snape* Speaking of, *turns to him* I guess you're just kind of a permanent fixture in Erscoga now. I have no idea which dimension we got you from and we sure as heck aren't gonna be going back there using those gauntlets any time soon. Welcome to Erscoga. Make yourself at home. Hopefully your absence doesn't ruin your home dimension too badly...

Snape: *vaguely concerned and confused, but doesn't comment. It's been a long day.*

Merry Belated Holidays/Candlenights/Festivus/Whatever!

~•*•~

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[timeoverload]

I woke up this morning full of existential dread and was really depressed. I was contemplating asking the health nurse/HR to take leave for my mental health. I've never done that for mental health reasons before but I'm just so overwhelmed right now and I have been struggling for a long time. I had a really bad panic attack and had to lock myself in the bathroom at work for like 10 minutes to hide it. I am just so tired.

I also have only been eating once or twice a day for like 2 months because my stomach is constantly in knots and I'm always anxious. I know I need to eat more and I try to force myself. I don't know why it's so hard for me. It's nearly impossible to eat when I'm in this state but I am way too thin right now and it's really bad. I burn more calories than I can consume. I have been unhealthy for so long and sometimes I wonder how I'm even alive. I have been trying to drink supplement shakes to try to make it through the day and snack when I'm able to. My soda addiction is also out of control but I need the caffeine to keep moving. I hate it. I told myself that I need to tough it out a little bit longer. I have been so emotional and angry and my moods have been all over the place and I started experiencing intrusive thoughts for the first time in a while. I probably need to increase the dosage of my medication again or try something else. I have been more anti-social than usual and I've been avoiding everyone as much as possible because I have truly felt insane.

I also have felt shunned by some of my family lately and they know how depressed I've been so it really doesn't help. I keep to myself now mostly and I try to be quiet. I thought things were starting to get better but I was wrong. My sister has been running away from me again and I don't know what I did. We are 15 years apart so I guess that could be part of it. My brother acts the same way but there are only 8 years between us but he's too cool to talk to me or something. I know he has been going through a lot too. I haven't been getting invited to do anything with them. They went to my aunt's for her birthday but I guess they didn't want me there. Last night my dad grilled burgers for his girlfriend and everyone else but didn't say anything to me. I don't expect him to cook for me all the time or anything but sometimes it would help and I am afraid to ask him. I kind of feel left out. I know I'm an adult and should be able to take care of myself. He knows I have struggled with food since I was a kid and I still remember him getting so mad at me for being picky and him fighting with my mom about it. I feel like he hasn't enjoyed cooking for me since then. I'm not as picky now as I used to be and I almost always eat everything he makes me when he actually does offer me something. He still does do a lot for me so I can't complain too much. I guess I just wish he and I had a better relationship so I would feel comfortable talking to him about stuff like that. We get along most of the time but we have never been that close. We definitely don't agree on some things. Sometimes I wish my mom was around too because at least she made sure I was fed. Her cooking wasn't even that good a lot of the time but I miss it anyway. I wish I could call her and have an actual conversation instead of hearing her tell me that I'm evil and then rambling on about shit that doesn't even make sense. I don't even know where she is right now and my dad had to block her on all of our phones because she was harassing us. It's so hard because I used to be able to go to her for advice when I was a kid but I can't do that now. I'm also afraid of ending up like her because I feel like I'm headed that direction mentally. I really need to see a psychiatrist in the near future.

I'm not sure what happened but I'm feeling stable at the moment but I don't know if it will last. I guess I took a shower and picked up a little bit when I got home so I suppose that could have helped. My back hasn't hurt too much today at least. Salazaar also came to sit with me so that was nice. I need to try to eat something but literally nothing sounds good and I'm frustrated about it. I will figure it out eventually like I always do. I'm also kicking myself for not taking my birthday off this year but it's not like I have anything going on so it doesn't matter. I guess it's probably better for me to go to work and try to be social than sit at home by myself in the dark all day.

I am going to try my best to pull myself together tonight because I desperately want the rest of my week to be better than today was. I feel like I have been saying that a lot. I'm also going to attempt to cut down on my caffeine consumption too because it's just exacerbating my current issues. I'm trying to focus on making healthier choices even though it's really hard. I don't want to end up in the hospital. I'm going to eat as much as I can and try to relax. I'm planning on meditating for a while before I go to bed too because sometimes that helps. I don't like feeling like this and I don't want to do it anymore. I am reminding myself that I do have people that care about me and I'm not totally alone right now. I will get through this and everything is going to be fine.

[the-firebird69]

We are almost complete on Saturn we have just a few more fields to harvest and we will continue. So gigantic planet there's a huge amount of everything on it and we needed something and we took it pretty much going to be impossible to see if it's there or not unless they land, and they'll fight each other pretty fiercely over it like they are now over Toys r Us and those people are nuts everybody at lunch was bothering him too to go faster and to compete and to do it higher you made ones like 10 ft tall and the limit was 8 ft and he had to take some out and rewrap it and he did it I said how are you getting it up there should I throw them up there it's the way they go they start laughing and said we probably should slow down on this and they all kept pushing him. Who's back as he's leaving any bubbles I don't want to work there anyways can you figure it out you have been working to sleep I can leave your s*** and it's f****** nasty am I I'm deserve billions and billions of dollars a minute and I know it all day everyday all the time and if you don't know it you're stupid as a piece of s*** at least I'm crapping their pants and then they said this we don't really want to work in here it's a s*** hole. They treat him bad and they separated them out they just kept on doing it real fast and fairly well and it wouldn't slow down and it looks awful looked into anything a couple got fired then he left and said you shouldn't have me in a job like this ever you're f****** nuts who said we're trying to pay you what the f****** trying to pay me don't try anything don't try to get out of bed should have you assassinated for saying that dumb f****** line. He said he says it's so hard that nobody can do anything just it's your own plan who cares you get f***** by your own plans and lose and die because simply don't care enough anyway so who cares you mistreating and you don't do it right and you don't get anything I guess it's the same thing so I have to compensate myself and it was very important for us to hear that six Southern sitting there not doing the job and the parking everybody including our son I'm sorry responsibility to straighten it out because they're not going to even if they're losing and the plan is going away and we found it happening she's trying to compensating years ago he said it's like Toys r Us it would start doing it it was a very important lesson and his knee about it and started telling us and we started working and now it's straightened out and we're getting stronger and stronger and you're going to be weak and Saturn it's going along first schedule shortly will be out and the landscape will be back to normal for the most part and the mountains are intact and they're going to be shocked

Thor Freya

We do a good job and you people are doing a terrible job you can't even keep him in one place you can't stop yapping at him even when he's doing nothing and you can't stop having him do the stupid stuff for you that you shouldn't and you think that he's doing it for free cuz you're absolutely insane and he has to work for us or he doesn't get anything and he knows it too because you're so stupid and your system doesn't work hell anymore

Hera

We're using this as motivation because it's true this guy next door is a nightmare he's a piece of crap and his son is a piece of s*** and we don't have time to deal with it no we have to they've been screwing things up for a long time and yeah they're the cast and crew of that Toys r Us idiocy and the dead people are them too and we know who killed them and respect it I'm sorry he was doing trying to ride the idiots into him and a whole bunch of idiots do that and it's stupid we have records of who it was and really his stalking you Mike benedetto and he still is with his computer you just dumb

Mac daddy yeah it was sanctioned too