#done and i think my parents will be weird abt it. which is crazy to be concerned abt that lol but deep down i am still scared of conflict

[nomaishuttle]

like pirating is so normal 2 me i forget there r ppl who r like antipiracy which btw is stupid. obviously

[zemnarihah]

i literally NEED to get my nostrils pierced but like i have this thing where i want all my piercings to be symmetrical so im like well i cant get them one at a time but also i know its a pretty painful piercing and it hurts more to get two at once and also the healing could be hard bc i sleep on my side so one side will always be getting bumped but it will bug me literally so much if i only have one side done augh

[noahtally-famous]

something i noticed about dave in canon is that like. part of the reason he gets attached to sky seems to be not only Because she helped him through what seemed like a panic attack but also. it doesn't seem like anyone's done that for him before?

"usually i freak out way more" this has happened before? and worse?

"sky has a surprisingly calming effect on me" <- words of a guy who does not know what it's like to have someone help you calm down

IDK. maybe im wrong but something about this was a little crazy

oh no, anon, you're def right. and it's not just a little crazy, it's VERY crazy lmaoo like no shade on the fandom bc I get it, dave isn't a well-liked character and for valid reasons, but ppl tend to forget or gloss over the questionable things he says that connects to just how shitty his childhood/current life was

but tbh td has a history of popping questionable backstory tidbits; with trent's whole thing, heather getting electrocuted by her own parents, cody's everything, mike, alejandro, duncan, courtney, the list goes on tbh, nearly everyone's got their hand in the shitty backstory jar to some degree ngl, so it kinda makes sense in a way that the fandom glosses over dave bc, like, tdpi isn't as well-watched AND it's become sort of the norm for a contestant to have a shitty backstory or part of one

but like, you're so right, anon, it's WILD, and lemme just discuss that for a sec (bc any opportunity to inspect dave under a microscope, I will never pass up)

(tw for mentions of panic attacks)

dave insinuating that he's had worse panic attacks before and that sky managed to stop him before things got too bad (which is smth not many ppl are able to do to him) def emphasizes my idea of dave's backstory that...obv it was not the best. that with the idealization of "being normal" it could be that his family just...either never got the time to or doesn't feel inclined to help him through his attacks or that he doesn't feel comfortable enough around them to allow them to do so. in schools, I feel like he's the same way--he doesn't strike me as the type to have a lot of friends, and ppl would prob tend to see him as the "weird germaphobe" which doesn't help matters at all.

and even if ppl have tried to help him before, based on his words abt sky and the implications that his attacks get worse, the 'help' from others in his past seems to have not been done sincerely, more so it was just to stop him and get it over with. there was a lack of distinct care for his well-being or just him as a person, rather just a clinical outlook to stop the panic attack. that's what I'm getting from that bit

like it brings the fact that he's had to deal with these panic attacks on his own and with only his own "calming effect" to rely on bc no one else has done it for him (and we all know how great his "calming effect" was given how badly his character deteriorated mentally). so it could be that he was so used to relying on himself, handling his attacks by himself, regardless of how bad or good that self-effect might be on his mental health, that the first person to give him that same--if not better--kind of calming effect, he latched on instantly thinking that since no one else was truly willing to be there for him in the past and present, sky helping him must be bc she cares. it's such a warped mentality that I feel, looking at it psychologically, could have stemmed from prior attachment issues and lack of proper family functioning and friendships

it's disheartening bc in the confessional right after, he looks so stunned and in awe that sky had actually calmed him down. clearly it's not smth he's used to from other ppl, so when it did happen, he reacted overly extreme and that's where things started to spiral

(going off on a tangent here, I also feel like that correlates to my own hc of dave having a distant family. he doesn't fully understand what it's like to be attached to someone, it's not smth he's used to. it's always been himself. so when sky came along, he couldn't function right, and obv I'm not blaming anyone (even though that should be a given considering I love both sky and dave as characters, but y'know, just putting that out there), it's just interesting to pick apart a character's seemingly trivial actions and words and think abt the potential underlying implications behind them)

it's why I love characters like these over the too good ones bc everything is just straightforward with those kinds, it's all laid out on the table, unless you personally make hcs to change it. don't get me wrong, I love characters from both categories, it's just that for characters like dave, it's smth totally different, there's so much going on under the surface, and personally, that's what I find interesting (maybe it's the psych minor in me rearing its head whoops 😭)

anyway, you gave me an excuse to dissect dave mentally, and I legit love dissecting characters actions/words and trying to figure their mentalities out, so tysm for this ask, anon!! (sorry for the long answer, I can get rlly into it when need be 😅)

[haunted-kitty]

hi systems of tumblr i need Help. i am a questioning system and i have been for a long while now and idfk what to do or think anymore

i cannot talk to any sort of therapist / psychologist about this, so please give me any assistance you can even if its just "this sounds like ____" / "this relate to this and i have ___" / ANYTHING please

warning i dump some of my trauma here but i also put red text that just gives a summary without heavy desc so you can skip the description if you dont want to be triggered or upset.

tw child abuse, mentions of death / injury

basic info about me that may or may not relate

- i am a minor with cptsd & autism

- i have a Lot of repetitive trauma. like i dont wanna traumadump it all rn but a Lot.

- i am disabled

- all my older relatives are all shitty people which i cannot ask for help with this. all my younger relatatives would not be able to help. there is no one who i trust enough to help me with this So hiiii anon tumblr blog here i am

-i have not wanted to live for as long as i can remember [and i can remember very far back].

- i had a lot of periods in my childhood where i go Blank for a while, like, memory wise. i would "wake up" somewhere else the middle of an action and have no idea what was going on or why i was there. or felt out of control of my body, i dont know if this has lessened or if i have just grown used to the feeling if that makes sense

- i am psychotic. i have been since i was little and i know how to deal with it now and do not have any Serious delusions or hallucinations anymore

-ive been questioning whether or not im a system for a Long while now but i never get far with it because i literally cannot figure myself out.

- i do not feel i have a real personality

- i dissociated a Lot in childhood and even now.

- i feel like shit went Wrong when i was meant to develop into a normal person and i am now fundamentally fucked

- i have done a Lot of research of osdd/did [and disorders in general] on and off for some years and have never found a conclusion for myself Help me

trauma dump about my experience with possible alter - scroll to red text if you are triggered by: religious trauma, suicide mention / suicidal thoughts

when i was a child [this is abt when i was around 8] i was heavily in denial about the fact that i wanted to die.

i knew my parents [abusive] would react Badly and also i was religious and raised to believe i would burn in hell for it so i just Refused to admit that i hated living.

one day i saw it on the news with my parents [it was some headline like "suicide rates rising" or sum idfk sorry] and my mother said "who would be crazy enough to try and kill themselves" and she wanted an answer back so i said "haha yeah..." and i heard a voice behind me [like Right in my ear behind me] say "you would" [as in you would be crazy enough]

this was not an auditory hallucination. i did not have voice hallucinations at the age and it was extremely different to anything i have ever experienced.

and i was fucking terrified cause as previously mentioned i was raised religious and thought this was a demon trying to tempt me into sin and holy fuck there was a creepy girl whispering my deepest darkest most sinful of secrets in my ears

the voice whispered more into my ear about my inner workings and thoughts and stuff i was in denial of

i have no clue if this makes sense but when i heard its voice i saw like a Flash of info about it. like when you suddenly remember something and the whole memory just Vwoops into your brain? some physical traits and some personality traits, along with the fact that this thing Knows me deeply and knows everything about me?

i looked behind me and asked my mother if she said anything and she said no and gave me a weird look.

i never mentioned anything to anyone because i was convinced they would hurt me if i did.

i felt its presence in the back of my mind [it didnt speak often but even when silent i could feel its presence like the way you know when someones staring at you].

i kept refusing it and saying i did not want it and ignoring it everytime possible and eventually i felt it fade [not the right word but idk wtf to say. it went In or it just disapeared or something]. i felt kind of at a loss when it happened cause i didnt know what to do.

i considered the idea that it was trying to help me but even if it was i had no clue what it was.

TLDR: 8ish yrs old. i was in denial about my mental issues. i heard a voice in my ear very clearly wording out my mental issues in a way i could not. freaked the fuck out and ignored it even though i felt its presence for like a month and eventually i stopped feeling it there. no clue what that was

i told a system blog this experience once and they suggested that i look into bpd & aspd and that they dont know what to say as theyd never heard of something like that happening so young before

since then i have been never heard the voice behind me or any other solid voice. i dont know if it was an alter who went dormant or just some weird dream or hallucination or what.

i ignored it for all my childhood because i was scared. at some point a few years ago [covid times] i felt something similar again, not a voice but Something and i felt the immense need to try and figure it out. i did a Lot of work and all i could figure out was that voice probably Was trying to help me in some way. i was heavily in denial about most of my trauma and mental illness until like a few years ago because my family basically cult brainwashed me Haha.

also also i have had a lot of times where i have not felt Myself but have also still been there. its hard to word but i was still There watching myself do things and if i Really wanted i could try and stop my body from moving but like.... I didnt feel like i was Alone in my brain if that makes sense??? bru idk its that Feeling that someone else is there thing again.

trauma dump warning if you are triggered by: phys abuse [by father] mention, desc of me fearing my abuser would kill me scroll to red text

a time like this that stands out a lot is when i was younger [9+ -14] and my dad had just hit me and yelled at me and he pushed me down and i nearly hit my head on the stone kitchen counter but i just missed it and i was struck with this horrible fear because what would have happened if i did hit my head? i would probably be seriously injured. ive hurt myself on there before and it wasnt even that bad then but i still needed to go to the hospital. would i have died if i hit my head then? is he going to kill me now? and i was filled with so much fear i couldnt move and i had no idea how i would get out of this. i was literally backed into a corner. i completely spaced out.

i felt myself kinda Snap back in my mind for a second like idk how to phrase it but my mind Changed and all of a sudden i had a clear plan like Streamlined to my head and all emotion and desires other than SURVIVE were pushed out And like i felt So out of it and disorientated and ouguhhhhh felt weird bru idk how to word this shit was Odd and moving my body felt weird.

i saw myself run upstairs and check for injuries and try to clean up nd fix body but i did not feel like i was moving ??? like i was Out Of It and my body was just taking care of itself and i was just There like what is happening. OH I SORT OF HEARD A VOICE AGAIN HERE BUT IT WAS MORE LIKE. sudden dominant thought than voice in my ear voice. it was just telling me what to do and questioning if i had bandaids in my room.

TLDR: a time that stands out is when i was younger [9>14], i was being abused and nearly had a serious injury which i slimly avoided and was frozen with fear and spaced out. i suddenly felt myself snap back into place, disorientated and completely Weird, and felt thoughts [a plan to get out] that were not mine. i did not feel fully in control of my body and like i was being fed another persons thoughts as i saw my body tried to help itself. i felt like another persons thoughts were dominating over mine and all in all Strange.

anyway i kinda got back into myself after i was mostly taken care of but i was still Not Fully There if that makes sense??? like i still wasnt responding or thinking or talking or moving ANYTHING like what i usually do and i was aware of this and i was really confused about it and what was going on

sorry if this is worded wrong i wrote most of this late at night and again im autistic and get misinterpreted a lot and also my memory is kinda fucked up

anyways if anyone could could shed any light on this in literally anyway you could i would be super grateful.

ALSO if you think this is some form of osdd/did/plural thing Please tell me how to speak to the people in my head cause idk its weird like this i would like to know what is happening in there and not feel like im suddenly being possessed or like im insane

[thrndlngs]

hey rose! (can i call you that?? sorry if that's not your preference) i may or may not have caught a case of crazy phat mad feelings for a boy and i was wondering if you had any cute headcanons about some of the MHA boys pining for a pretty fem reader?? i can't imagine this guy liking me back but i figure hey, if nobody got me ik pretty superhero boys got me AMEN lmbo no pressure on this request. hope you're doing well and things are okay in your world!! thanks love you!! first anon OUT 😌✌️✨💖

omg ya that’s totally cool!! i actually like that!!!! but omg, pls! i’m sure it’ll work out if not... hopefully these headcanons will help u out!!! LOVE U FIRST ANON!!!!!!!!

IZUKU MIDORIYA, 

will definitely stare at the back of your head during class and imagine 700 different scenarios that could ‘possibly’ happen if the two of you ever have a conversation that doesn’t involve school.

keeps note of your quirks and tries to give you pointers on how to use ur quirk via crumpled paper airplanes in the courtyard or slipped into ur locker.

will always, always, always keep an eye out for you to make sure you’re okay - if he sees you crying he’s gonna embarrass himself and be like, “you think that’s bad? kachan almost blew me to bits.” and now the both of you are crying.

daydreams about u.

whenever the class is training at the USJ or anywhere really, he’s bouncing. like. literally bouncing on his heels in case something goes wrong, he wants to be able to intervene. not because he thinks you’re not capable of fending for urself but it’s because he literally can not bare the thought of u getting hurt.

he definitely draws ur names with a heart and arrow through it!!!!!!!

really admires u and tries to be really nonchalant about how fond he’s become of u so when the two of you do have a conversation it’s just like... gibberish. you know when he goes on those little rants and the words cloud around him and everyone is like??? midoriya wtf. yeah like that.

BAKUGOU KATSUKI,

explosive boy definitely doesn’t know he likes you until he goes to recovery girl and recovery girl has to explain him the ‘weird’ feeling in his stomach, the rise of temperature in his face and the quickening of his pulse is literally because he has a crush. on you.

and boy does this raging blonde flip his shit. him?? have a crush??? when he’s trying to be number one hero??? a distraction??? not in this lobby.

easier said than done.

tries to avoid you at all costs. like even moves his seat permanently so he doesn’t have to breathe the same air as you.

no because during a training the two of you are teamed up and this man literally holds his breath like he’s five because he doesn’t want to inhale your ‘germs’. but he grows up a bit and realizes that you’re actually pretty strong and can handle your own. heavy emphasis on the pretty. 

so not only is he pinning for you but now he sees you as competition. so the initial plan to avoid you goes out of the window because he wants to one up you.

bakugou’s face is tomato red everytime the two of you spar and you think it’s because he’s mad but jokes on u.

takes a HOT minute but he’ll suffer in silence and just y’know open the door and wait five minutes for you to walk through it and then complain after. 

sees you in the hallway and flicks you in the forehead and reminds you that he’s going to be number one. but later beats himself up because wtf? why didn’t he say something else.

will go out of his way to fix your fighting stances and then have a coughing fit. so he’s going to push through his feelings but it’s really obvious to everyone else that he isn’t being lowkey, yknow?

IIDA TENYA,

my favorite class rep. he’s going to be so obvious about it. like. he’s an open book.

will offer to help you study. makes sure your chair is pulled out every morning so you don’t have to do it.

will also let you board the bus first.

will also tense up whenever you look at him. holds an emergency class meeting (excluding you) to figure out how to handle this ‘situation’ and everyone is like... dude

he takes kirishima’s ‘show her you’re a manly man’ to serious and tries to show off. with his grades, quirk and his class rep status which you know isn’t working so he’s back to square one. 

as bad as it sounds he makes a copy of all of his notes and color codes them based off of his you know ‘coding’ system and has it handy in case you don’t come to class one day or fall behind.

everyone knows but you. everyone also thinks that you would’ve found out by now since iida holds you on your own pedestal but! LOLKDSAJ

DENKI KAMINARI,

okay so.... this man... is so drama. he’s a clutz and obvious but he isn’t going to be direct. whether it’s because he’s scared of being rejected or because he’s not confident enough like bakugou and todoroki is unknown but anywayz

leans on the locker and tries to woo you with some words and falls. literally falls over. it’s okay though (in his eyes) because you immediately get eye level with him and try to check on him. it’s a win in his eyes.

is totally okay with the nickname ‘calamari’ but only likes it when you call him that. he tries to tell everyone that it’s a ‘you and him’ thing and gets teased abt it.

tries to include you in every conversation possible. he wants you to feel included in everything.

thinks ur like a walking goddess and that u should be treated as such.

he gets a little to excited around you so whenever the two of you touch he gives off some electricity and immediately goes on a thirty minute rant on how sorry he is.

makes you... a fucking... mixtape... with scribbled out hearts on the cover.

also... sends you songs to listen to but it’ll be like some random edm song and ur like”oh wow... love that...” and he’s like “ok cross that out she doesn’t like EDM.” and is DETERMINED to find out your favorite genre so the two of you have something to bond over.

changes your ringtone on his phone to the pokemon theme song because and i quote, “she’s the ash to my pikachu.”

isn’t so lowkey about his crush but??? everyone thinks he’s like?? just being himself?? so??? 

EIJIRO KIRISHIMA,

 bro. this man... THIS LOVELY SHARK BOY. 

is literally textbook definition of GENTLEMAN.

will not act on his feelings until YOU act on them because he’s scared he’ll overstep so he’s going to be like..... suffering in silence. but he doesn’t mind!!!!!!

holds the door 4 u. :)

checks on u 24/7.

stares at you in class and drools. 

walks with you like everywhere. literally. like to class, to the dorms, back to ur parents, to the mall. everywhere.

this is totally a best friend to lovers trope.

whenever he’s got doubt he will turn to u immediately because he trusts u and ur guidance. 

will even ask if u could spar with him (so you can a, spend time with him but b, because he wants u to be able to be the best version of urself u can be). 

whenever something goes south he will put his hand out in front of u. always. and you’ll wrap your fingers around his bicep and he will melt.

i think he knows he’s like... fucked because you explain to him that although his ‘hardening’ quirk makes his skin... rough, he’s still pretty soft. and smells nice.

man... that gets him THROUGH THE DAYS.

TODOROKI SHOTO,

another clueless boy. 

is very confused at first but after some hours of research he’s like oh. 

and then shit hits the fan.

like kirishima, really values your input and actually goes to you for advice for two reasons: one because you’re sensible and honest but it’s more for the simple reason that he’s trying to see what you like and don’t like.

you start to notice some changes in his behavior. not drastic ones but enough to raise an eyebrow.

is more vocal in his conversations with you.

tries his best to improve his body language (ie: will face you with undivided attention and arms unfolded to look more receptive) 

just stares at you in general to see what your reactions to things are.

like, in the hallway when ur talking to mina and the lowerclassmen says something stupid and the two of you scowl? well, guess what? now he doesn’t like that guy either and will give him a piece of his mind.

has your coffee order memorized so when ur staying up all night studying u have the energy to do so.

will sneak a protein bar and a water bottle in ur locker the day after those binge studying sessions to ensure that you’re you know okay.

[jar-of-ectoplasm]

my walten files theory bc i've gone bananas

for my first real walten files post: here's my theory abt what happened to the walten family and why it happened, lots of not canon stuff but no major plot changes (who's dead is still dead, blah blah blah)

MAJOR content warning and HUGE spoilers

cw: child murder, homicide, passion-fueled killings, drugging, replacing medications, physical assault, alcoholism, this gets kinda fucking crazy sorry not sorry but my brain works weird

okay okay SO, this theory starts off when Jack and Felix were in college. I headcanon that Jack and Felix were dorm-mates that both majored in business so they had a lot of common ground and became really, really close friends

Felix is gay as fuck and had a huge crush on Jack, but he never did anything about it because he knew Jack was interested in the art student that studied at the same library they did (which is Rosemary)

Eventually Jack and Rosemary got together, which resulted in them getting married, having children, and Felix becoming very bitter towards Rosie. He pretended to like her so Jack would be happy, and he eventually got married to Linda and started drinking heavier to try and move on from Jack

Obviously, that marriage didn't work out. Linda had put the pieces together and left Felix because she knew he never really loved her (this could also explain why Felix doesn't have any kids but Jack had 3)

At this point Felix didn't know what else to do. How was he supposed to just stay happy when he knew Jack would never feel the same about him?

He had planned to kill Edd and Molly the next night after a heavy drinking session. Felix preemptively put a shovel in the trunk of his car so he could bury the bodies (there's no way in hell that little fruit cup dug those graves by hand)

After the deed was done, Felix had driven back home ignoring all the calls Jack and Rosemary sent his way. It took a few days for it to happen, but eventually Jack had enough and decided to go to Felix's home to question him

Jack was reasonably fucking livid with Felix and had gotten physical with him, which prompted Felix to panic and throw drain cleaner into Jack's face

Felix was then left with an unconscious Jack, who had passed out from the pain rooted in his eyes and throat. Felix took his body to the K-9 storage unit to hide it since at the time he was one of the only people with a key

About a week passed before Rosemary showed up at Bon's Burgers to look for her husband. Felix knew that he couldn't just tell her the truth, she'd get he police involved. Felix had lured her backstage after hours and killed her, stuffing her body into the Sha animatronic

Sophie was the only member of the Walten family to still be "okay" (i mean, both her parents and siblings are missing now, so she isn't all up there). She had struggled with anxiety and paranoia a lot, and with that having been heightened by the events her medication had run low very quickly

Sophie still saw Felix as a trusted adult, so after calling him to refill her medication she had no reason to be suspicious of the pill bottle he had delivered to her. Felix had replaced her anxiety medications with drugs that caused extreme memory loss, forcing her to forget nearly everything that had happened.

After all that, Sophie is now under the care of her girlfriend Jenny and Jenny's family

Jack is still alive, though he's blind and his voice has been reduced to nearly nothing due to the chemical burns he had gotten from when Felix splashed drain cleaner on him. Jack knows nothing about Rosemary or Sophie, still thinking they're both perfectly fine. Jack is always listening for Felix, but the prolonged silence of the storage unit and the trauma inducing events of before caused his mental state to deteriorate considerably. All the murders that had taken place in the K-9 storage unit were caused by Jack; now blind, mute, and subject to auditory hallucinations. Jack is convinced he's dead and in hell, having to experience killing his best friend over and over again, not knowing he's been killing completely innocent people

Felix completely lost it. After having torn apart Jack's family, his mind just couldn't take it anymore. All the animatronics killing people likes Rosemary, Brian or Ashley were just Felix implementing his surroundings into his nightmares, which started to blend into reality

pretty much every supernatural type thing in twf is felix just going brazy cuz he literally killed like 3 people and ruined the other 2 beyond repair lol

[billyspotato]

also one where race comforts u about something (anything rlly) and j makes u feel better even if hes weird abt emotions.

A/N: Hope you like it.

Sad - Rafe Cameron

Words: 1.607 words

Type: Fluff

Warnings: English is not my first language, so sorry if I misspell anything. Kinda depressed reader. (GenderNeutral!Reader) 

A/N: Gif’s not mine :)

You’ve been really stressed about school lately. All of your teachers, except for one, for no reason at all decided to schedule all of your tests in a space of two weeks. And unlike other people, you don’t work that well under pressure, or at least not extreme pressure. Which means that school is all that you’ve been thinking about lately.

Because of school, you couldn’t really hang out with your boyfriend, Rafe. But he understands, even after dropping out of college.

Now today, you’re way more upset and demotivated, and that’s because you just got the results of your first test, and let’s just say it didn’t even go that well.

You texted Rafe onde you received the email with the results and he took a while to answer, not really knowing what to say.

Once he texted back, he just asked if you wanted him to come over. You, not even hesitating, said yes.

It didn’t even take 10 minutes for Rafe to ring your doorbell, and you, while hugging your fluffy blanket, walked out of your bedroom while looking at the floor.

Once you pulled your door open, your eyes land on Rafe’s, making him lose his smile, and frown at the sight, probably from your swollen eyes. He took a step closer to you and open your door wide so he can come in completely.

While your eyes stay on Rafe, he steps closer and closer to you making your mental barrier (to not have a mental break down right in front of someone), slowly crumble. Your chin starts to slightly shake as your lips turn into a pout, making Rafe close the front door without taking his eyes out of you.

His hands cup your face, cooling down your warm cheeks, and a sob escapes your closed mouth making a tear slowly roll down your eye and land on his skin.

You move your face out of his hands and collide into his chest, wrapping your arms around his torso and letting your blanket fall into the floor. You sob into Rafe’s black polo shirt and his hands slowly lay your shoulders before giving them a small squeeze.

The only thing that can be heard through your parents’ house is your sobs echoing through the white walls of the hallway that held various expensive pieces of art.

“I don’t know what I did wrong” You whisper into his shirt before letting out another sob.

His hand moves lower to your back and the other one over to the back of your head, holding you but not giving you an answer.

Rafe lets you cry into his chest as his hands moved slowly, as his way to show you comfort and that he’s there for you, but his face held a serious expression, a thoughtful one, even.

Rafe doesn’t know what to do. Before dating you, he never had to look for comfort in anyone or, even, comfort someone. The first time he broke down in front of you, you knew exactly what to do. You hugged him close to your chest and told him many times that things will get better and you won’t leave him if they don’t. He was in shock when you did it but welcomed your soft and sweet touch as he did what you told him to, let it all out.

Now, he doesn’t know what to do. People say actions speak louder than words, but he feels like hugging you is a very cheap action. It probably doesn’t even feel as comforting as when you did it to him.

Your voice plays in his mind as he gets too deep in thought: ‘You’re overthinking’ and he forces his way out of that trance.

“Let’s go to your room” He whispers into the top of your head.

You nod into his chest and quickly grab your blanket from the floor when pulling away. Once you two start walking, you grab Rafe’s hand and lay your head on his arm as he practically led you to your room.

Your eyes catch the sight of your bed and you let him go before walking and laying down on it.

Your urge to cry is way smaller than it was before but all you could think about was still that stupid test and its result.

Rafe lays down next to you and you quickly move closer to him.

“Do you want to watch any shows… Or maybe a movie?” Rafe asks in a whisper as you lay your head on his shoulder.

You shrug, completely silent, making him almost tense up. Did he just fuck up? Was he not supposed to ask that? What if you think that he doesn’t care about you being sad?

He stops his body from tensing up to prevent you from sensing it and turns on your TV. He quickly clicks on Netflix and searches for your favorite animated/Disney movie. And once he finds it, he quickly plays it as his way to show you that he cares, once more.

As the song of the entrance starts, your eyes lift from Rafe’s polo shirt to the screen, making a small smile appear on your lips. Rafe, since he can’t see your expression from his position, just continues to fill his mind with questions.

But that, thankfully, only lasted until he stopped hearing your sniffles.

He relaxes and lets out the breath he didn’t even know he was holding and lays his hand over your head, playing it your hair, but careful not to hurt you.

As one of the first songs starts, he feels you hitting your finger lightly over his chest at the rhythm, making his lips curve slightly. He then turns his head and plants a kiss on your forehead, making you take your eyes off the screen and look over at him.

Your eyes are still swollen but your expression is now softer, and you even had a small smile. He pecks your lips quickly and when he pulls away, you close your eyes and snuggle into his neck.

(…)

After the movie/your distraction ended, making your dark and deep thoughts come back, your heart sped up once more and your eyes slightly watered at the idea of all your tests coming back with the same negative grade.

Rafe cuddled you until you fell asleep and he knew that it wouldn’t take long for you to wake up once more. So, he quickly got up and grabbed his phone, unlocking it and dialing his sisters’ number.

“What do you want?” Sarah asks with an annoyed tone.

“I need your help,” He says while stepping out of the bedroom.

“What did you do now?”

“Nothing. It’s Y/N” He answers while running his fingers through his hair.

Rafe quickly explained everything to his least favorite sister and she sighed once he was done.

“Okay, Uhm…” Sarah starts, “I’ll send you a text of what might help Y/N, but- Don’t be mad if it doesn’t work, it just works on me and some girls. It might not work on Y/N”

“Okay, be quick” He answers before ending the call.

While Rafe waited for his sister’s text, he looked back inside your bedroom to take a look at your sleeping form. His phone soon vibrates, and he looks over to find the list over text from Sarah.

Rafe quickly runs down the hallway and grabs a spare key of the house before running out.

(…)

You sit up on the bed as your eyes open and don’t see your boyfriend. You quickly check the time, fearing that it was already pretty late, and you left him awake for hours until his boredom, but it’s only been half an hour.

The front door opens, and you frown while looking at the open door of your bedroom. Have your parents come back early?

Rafe quickly comes into view as he steps back in the bedroom and for an unknown reason, he is holding two grocery bags.

“You’re awake” He comments, making you smile slightly.

“I am, where were you?”

“Sarah send me a list of things that can help you feel better” He starts while walking over to the bed with the two bags, “She didn’t specify any kind of chocolate or chips or even pizza, so…” He says before turning the bags upside down, “I bought most of them, or- Well, some that I think you would like”

Various types of snacks fall onto your bed and you open your mouth in shock. He had bought various types of chocolate, chips, cookies and even cake.

“Rafe…” You say in a soft tone while looking up from your bed to him, “Are you crazy?”

Rafe looks down at the number of snacks and starts to think.

Your heart quickly squeezes at the sight of him overthinking and you sit up on your knees, cupping his face to make him look over to you.

“Is it too much?” He asks in a whisper.

“A little,” You say with a smile, “But it’s perfect”

Rafe’s expression becomes softer and you pull him to you so you can kiss him. You peck his lips various times before giving him an actual kiss, making him smile into your lips.

“Thank you for everything today. I love you” You whisper to him with a serious expression while rubbing your thumbs over his cheeks.

“I love you more,” He says before kissing you again, wrapping his arms around your hips.

You pull away to look over at your bed again, “I’ll need help with this, though”

“That won’t be hard at all”

- - - - -

This is probably one of the fluffiest things I’ve ever written, ngl...

- - - - - -

🌸✨Sorry, but I’m not writing in this account anymore. Go check out my new one @twinklelilstarkey✨🌸

[tfw-no-tennis]

animorphssss.....2!

ok one L abt reading the series on my ereader is that the flipbook illustrations arent there ;_; those were my favvvvv

anyways I love animorphs still

I feel like I'll end up repeating myself a lot during these little liveblogs lmao but mannnn it’s so good. its so hardcore. like I know that that’s the whole Thing but I still get shocked by some of the stuff that happens 

like a big theme in the series centers around the morality of killing your enemies - and it’s so all over the place bc in book 6 you have jake boiling a bunch of yeerks alive, which is kinda gnarly if you think abt it, but the alternative would be to leave them there and let them infest people soo...? and that’s basically the point, that there are never any easy choices in war 

also I went on the animorphs wiki to look at trivia bc I love doing that and I cant BELIEVE (some of) the books were reissued in 2011 and they changed/removed some of the references to be more ‘modern’ omfg....talk about erasing 90s culture smh 

likeeee I was born in 97 so I didn't exactly grow up in the 90s and therefore some of the references go over my head but its so charming and fun to have them there! and it makes sense given that the books are SET in the 90s

I don't remember ever being confused by any of the references as a kid (tho for sure a lot of them went over my head), but then again I read the books in like 2008 sooo

also some of the stuff that they change - like changing ‘recorded w/a vcr’ to ‘recorded w/the TV’ or ‘floppy disc’ to ‘flash drive’ may make more sense to modern audiences, but doesn't make sense in the context of the story still being set in the 90s

tho it is funny that the books use the phrase ‘hook up’ to mean ‘meet up’ a lot bc that is a phrase that definitely has a different meaning nowadays

alsooooo as it turns out I'm p sure I only read a couple of the spinoffs - the hork-bajir chronicles and the ellimist chronicles (which was confusing lmao), bc my library didn’t have the others :( 2007/2008 woes....

but now I get to read the spinoffs woooooooo so I read the first megamorphs and the andalite chronicles 

I'm reading them in the chronological order (I think?) which is good bc part of the problem was that I read the ellimist book at a completely weird time and it confused me more lmao

megamorphs 1 basically felt like a regular animorphs book except longer, but the plot didn't feel like it needed all that extra page space tbh? even so it was an entertaining adventure

and rachel having amnesia was great, amnesia is one of my fav tropes lmao. and it was a lot of fun here, though a bit underutilized 

another favorite trope of mine is time travel, so I'm gonna have a really fun time here w/that

as for the andalite chronicles, I really enjoyed that one. I thought it was a well done story about the horrors of war (which is a theme animorphs does excellently), kind of similar to the overarching story of the whole series, but fit into one book without feeling rushed

the way the story starts out with elfangor wanting to be a hero, not understanding what that entails, to the end where he IS going to be a hero, and he knows now that this is a burden rather than a reward 

the horror elements are also really strong, with the taxxon morph being horrifying of course

and mannnn I loved that we got to see more of the taxxons as a species, and see that not all taxxons submitted to the yeerks - which breaks the previous theme of ‘all the taxxons are evil just because’ 

this book also establishes that the taxxons gave themselves over to the yeerks due to their constant hunger being unbearable, so it isn’t just that they’re evil for fun 

animorphs does such an excellent job showing that each ‘side’ of a war will have good and bad (or at least sympathetic and unsympathetic) people 

also loren was awesome, what a cool character. though I didn't realize she was literally like 13 until the very end of the book, holy shit. that's crazy. i thought she was 16 at the youngest....geez. her throwing a rock at visser 3 is even more iconic knowing she's a middle schooler at the time

and chapman was here! I'm assuming this must be the same chapman as the assistant principal controller... I thought it was a little strange to put chapman in that role, bc in this book he was a huge asshole basically the entire time, but in the previous (’future’) book it was revealed that he became a controller willingly only to spare his daughter, which is pretty far from this book where he’s actively trying to sell humanity out to the yeerks...people change I guess? (also he got his memory erased so I guess there's that)

alloran was a really interesting character. horrors of war again - we hear from his old buddy that he used to be a fun, witty guy, but war changed him into somebody who would do horrible things 

and him becoming a controller was horrifying, obviously, but I like that alloran wasn't portrayed as some perfect, holy guy in order to make it all the more tragic when he got infested. its already fucked up enough as it is, and making him flawed was a lot more meaningful 

and him wanting to flush all the yeerks out into space....oooooof the (later) parallels hurt 

plus the fact that elfangor refusing to commit genocide against the helpless yeerks (even though they’re the enemy) directly contributing to alloran becoming a controller.....oof. I love that it shows that even making the morally correct decisions during war can lead to awful things happening, but not in a way that endorses evil actions - the story isn’t saying that elfangor should have killed the yeerks, it’s saying that there are no good choices in war 

arbron being trapped as a taxxon was fucked up. but also really intriguing, especially how he found purpose and led a free taxxon uprising. I don't remember if we hear from him/the free taxxons again but I hope so

also the plot twist of tobias being elfangors SON...bruh. I do remember that despite not having read this book so it must come up in the main story later but my memory of that is vauge so I’m excited to see how that plays out. it’s always gonna be hilarious to me that ax is technically tobias’s uncle 

and then the ellimist drops in and wacks up the time stream even more. classic. I love the crazy time travel stuff in animorphs

omfg and the bits where elfangor is a human tech guy and talked about his friends bill and steve LMAOOOOO

also the scene where elfangor drives the yellow mustang while blasting '(I cant get no) satisfaction’ by the rolling stones was one of the most iconic things I've ever read

basically I loved all the angles of war fucking people up. from loren’s dad, to alloran, to elfangor himself learning about the true horrors of war...v well done imo

ok back to the main series - so my pick for the most fucked up scene SO FAR (in my own personal opinion) - the scene where they're in the jungle and rachel passes out in bear morph and a bunch of rainforest ants start EATING HER ALIVE and like crawling into her ears and mouth and HGGGGGG that was genuinely so fucking disturbing

its a good thing that the time travel made it so rachel couldn't remember that bc that was fuuuuucked

another contender is a scene we don't actually see - erek having his capacity for violence instated and then slaughtering a ton of human and hork-bajir controllers 

like damn, you know its fucked up when its too fucked up for ANIMORPHS to even ‘show.’ this is a series that doesn't pull punches but evidentially that would've been Too Much to actually portray (understandably). also i feel like seeing the aftermath/everyone’s reactions had more of an impact than describing erek killing a bunch of people would have

also I forgot that marco Literally Fucking Dies during that scene and that's why he doesn't get to see the slaughter. wow

and then in the very next book JAKE dies too. jesus

oh it was also so sad and fucked up when marco’s dad told him that he and his wife used to fight sometimes, but then all of a sudden they stopped fighting, and their relationship was basically entirely peaceful and perfect - and this is how marco knows exactly when his mom was made into a controller, bc of course a yeerk wouldn't care enough to get into petty arguments like that....ooooof

Okay and book 15 really got me...that was fucking heavy man. Geeeez. Everything w/Marco and his mom is so fucked uppppp

Like he literally has to deal with so much awful traumatizing shit. The scene where he pretends to be a controller and is face to face w/visser one and THAT HIS MOM but he can’t even do anything, and he just sees the evil in her eyes and thinks about how there’s no way she had been controlled by a yeerk that long before bc he’s never seen her look like that...that was so fucking sad.

Plus Marcos mom now thinking that Marco is a controller...aughh...and then later Marco knows he can’t even think-speak to her bc he’ll just talk about everything he’s wanted to talk about to his mom this whole time... ;_;

And the parts where Marcos humor slips and the utter rage he feels towards the situation comes through...man

Plus everything about him being understandably afraid of sharks after being nearly torn in half by one back during their first dolphin adventure

Augh oh and jake telling Marco that everyone can tell something is up bc Marco isn’t joking around and talking about how insane their plan is like usual, so Marco fakes it sand does all that even tho he’s terrified and conflicted...aughhhh

Ok and the last scene where Marco is thinking about a future where he and his parents can talk plainly about how awful and traumatizing everything is, and then eventually they’ll feel okay enough to joke about it, bc Marcos mom is the one who taught him to look at the funny side of life...Oh The Pain

There were a lot of great fucked up individual lines in this book too. I’m just so sad about these poor middle schoolers jfc

Also I do distinctly remember the scene where they collapse the shark tank at Ocean World or w/e, it was weird af reading it bc I remembered none of the rest of the book but got weird deja vu reading that scene and remembering having read it like 13+ years ago

if it’s not clear by now I have a pretty terrible memory for media which is honestly good bc then I can reread things and it’s like new

Also jake...man...I said it previously but I was kinda eh about jake when I first read these bc he’s kinda the ‘basic’ character, but now I find his story much more interesting

His conflict over being leader is really good. KAA does a fantastic job capturing the pressure he’s under bc he was chosen by his friends to be the leader, so he REALLY can’t back out, and he doesn’t necessarily feel up to it, but feels he has no choice in the matter...

And constantly having to make really difficult decisions that could get his friends killed...geez. It’s so much pressure. And he talks about wanting to go back to being a normal kid when this is all over, and it kinda strikes me as him being in denial - like, there’s no way things can ever be ‘normal’ again, but that’s his way of coping.

Especially with Tom and all that. That conflict is so compelling...jake having to play all these different roles - as leader, as a son/student, as a regular brother to Tom - he’s constantly having to act a certain way and rarely gets to be Himself

It’s actually kinda relatable in a way - that feeling of being In Charge, but in a somewhat abstract and informal way, so you feel like regular old you, but you have to carefully regulate how you act bc the people around you expect a certain standard of behavior from you...

And all the morally grey situations they’re put in are fucked up, but especially for jake who has the final say on what they do, even when knowing it could lead to his friends being killed or made into controllers

Like in the book with the cannibal yeerk guy - there’s basically no good choices there. Jake lets the cannibal live, and (at first) implies that it’s for the best that he’s cannibalizing other yeerks and therefore helping get rid of some yeerks - except that he kills their hosts too

but the alternative would be to directly kill another human being who isn't actively fighting/resisting you, which is a fucked up thing for a middle schooler to have to do 

And the conflict between jake and Cassie is really excellent bc jake has to make these awful decisions, and Cassie is the type of person who can’t stand that sort of thing, so it gets left up to jake a lot, but then she’s upset with jake for doing something awful, even while knowing that there were no better options

like, her asking jake to kill the cannibal guy for her was really fucked up, but also entirely understandable for cassie as a character to ask. it was an emotionally charged situation, and cassie is an emotional person. she’s also somebody who like to Act, to do concrete good, and getting rid of an Evil Bad Guy in front of her would be a definite action

But Cassie is a great source of morality to the group - most of them are pretty jaded, but Cassie is able to hope in a way none of the rest are. It creates a really compelling dynamic between jake and Cassie that I kinda dismissed when I was like 10 or w/e

Also the scene where jake as a fly gets crushed and starts dying? Seriously fucked. And then after when he’s nearly breaking down in the airport and Cassie comforts him...that was a really good scene. Cassie is so good  

And the continuity is so excellent - I love how in book 17, Cassie (and jake to an extent) doesn’t really weigh in on the moral debate abt the oatmeal bc she’s still shaken up by asking jake to murder a guy for her, and then (presumably) going ahead and lighting his house on fire when jake doesn’t kill him

And augh jake and Marco have such a good and interesting dynamic - the entire group kinda pushes each other into their respective ‘roles’ in the group, but for a few books that’s really true for jake and marco

I don't remember what book it was but at some point marco (I think) mentions that jake understands what marco is dealing with w/his mom being a controller bc of tom, but that they don’t talk about it bc they ‘don't talk about stuff like that’ or something and I'm just like noooo talk to each other :( 

but at this point jake feels like he can’t really express doubt and fear and stuff like that bc he’s the Leader and they look to him to be strong (which is ironically very similar to how rachel feels), and marco feels like he can’t be serious bc he’s the funny guy. 

Basically I love all the different dynamics in the group. How Cassie and Rachel are such opposites but are best friends and get along well, while Marco and Cassie are more directly opposed - as jake says, Marco is ruthless, and Cassie definitely isn’t. Rachel and Marco are also pretty different which is interesting, bc they have a lot in common, and actually agree on a lot (even if they disagree out loud) but their commonalities combined with their circumstances make them react very differently to the same situations

I also love seeing the differences between characters from each other’s POV - like, p much all the characters think that Rachel is completely fearless, but when the book is from her POV, we get to see that that isn’t true at all - she feels plenty of fear, but she recognizes that her role in the group is to be the fearless one, so she pushes aside her fear to fit into that role (which inadvertently pushes her more and more into that ‘fearless warrior’ box - something that happens to all the characters more and more as the story goes on, like jake as ‘the leader’ and Marco as ‘the jokester’).

Also I loooove the grey morality of literally everything. Like the book where ax discovers an andalite traitor - not a controller, just an andalite who betrayed them to the yeerks. This leads to the deaths of like a hundred other andalites, and that whole scene you really just feel for ax, bc he feels so awful about everyone else dying while he escapes, yet he’s also so grateful to be alive, which he in turn feels bad about...

And ax’s conflict about being torn between his home w/his fellow andalites and his new home on earth w/his friends is great

And oh man I fucking love book 19. Any of the books where it goes more into the yeerks and their side of things are so good, just like the book where jake was made into a controller.

And book 19, where we meet a sympathetic yeerk, comes right after 18, where we meet an andalite traitor - again, I love how we clearly see that no one side is completely good or completely bad

So yeah book 19 fucking slapped. That shit was so compelling. I love how Cassie made a bunch of foolish decisions based on naïve hope, but it worked out!! Things aren’t always bleak and awful!

Except there were plenty bleak and awful parts of this book. It had a great balance of moods tbh, even though a lot of the situations were extremely contrived lmao. I love the stuff that aftran says, which is basically what I was thinking when I started my reread - being a yeerk fucking sucks, you’re literally a blind slug but also completely and fully sentient, on the same level as humans and andalites - and as afran pointed out this book, the yeerks are born as parasites, just as humans are born as predators - why is it okay for the humans to kill countless animals to eat, but not for the yeerks to enslave races to act as hosts? Well, the situation isn’t totally comparable, which Cassie and Marco both point out when aftran makes that comparison - the yeerks are enslaving sentient species, and cows and chickens are not the same as the humans and hork-bajir (though the story understandably doesn’t fall too deeply into the ‘who deserves what right/animal sentience’ rabbit hole).

And I like that aftran points out that the yeerks basically have 2 options currently - stay helpless and blind in a yeerk pool, or enslave a host. It’s interesting to hear that a lot of yeerks don’t like doing this but see it as the only options, as opposed to complete sensory deprivation. It makes me wonder if there are yeerks who are so staunchly against it that they elect to stay as pool-bound slugs forever

Also maybe it’s the shounen anime fan in me but I don’t even care that much that Cassie’s entire plan was completely off the rails and hinged on only the slightest chance of success - with failure being much more likely and completely catastrophic, with the animorphs and their loved ones all being wiped out, vs success being unlikely and also achieving...a moral victory? Peace between two enemy combatants in a huge war? nothing all that concrete...anyways it was a bunch of good-faith horrible decisions on Cassie’s part, but I don’t even care? I love stories where hope and love save the day against all odds, especially when they’re wielded like weapons by a character and make everything end nicely

This is especially true here bc animorphs is generally a series that leans very far away from that type of thing, so when it does happen, it feels like a victory. Plus the David trilogy is next so we kinda need a happy ending while we can

also bc I compared animorphs to hxh last time, I now have to compare it to the other series I've (partially) liveblogged, transformers mtmte.

this is gonna be more abstract and brief but basically. mtmte is all about after the war, and everyone has so much trauma and everything just sucks, so they all go on a space cruise and work on themselves. basically.

but the series does a lot of exploration of how war fucks people up - same as animorphs, tho animorphs spans the beginning of the war (for the main characters at least) until the end, whereas mtmte starts when the war ends.

but the point is. both series do an excellent job showcasing the wide range of reactions people have to being put in unthinkable situations during wartime. all the major characters in mtmte go through arcs where they heal/change from the war, some more subtle than others

basically the animorphs needs to go on a wacky space cruise adventure with a bunch of other fucked up people and figure their shit out, mtmte style

ok this is wicked long already so I’m gonna end it here. also I feel like I should start the next liveblog w/the david triology bc I’m for sure gonna have a lot to say abt that

[dog-forest-spirit]

It's implied that Kagome took life too seriously before she met Inuyasha, like how she's crazy about her tests, doesn't believe what her grandpa told her as she always tries to be rational, she didn't do much with her life except study before Inuyasha came. When Inuyasha came into her life, she dares to speak her mind, think about more things than her studies, the way Kagome speaks to Inuyasha, she wouldn't talk like that to anyone unless she trusted him. I think it was to parody that Japanese parents want their kids to be too independent too, so she's a little too into it. But it's her first time seeing Kagome speaking up like that in forever.

Maybe when Kagome was a kid, 5 or so, she was like Yuki in Wolf Children. Free, curious, clever, etc. So one day a kid falls and scrapes her knee and starts screaming. Kagome starts collecting herbs and pushes them against the wound and says they'll stop it from stinging. But an adult pushes her away, saying the child needs proper treatment, but when Mrs Higurashi looks at the herbs in an encyclopedia, she realizes that Kagome was right. So she tries encouraging her to keep her gift, but the trauma made her want to be "normal".

And when she grew up, maybe having a boring office job like Aggretsuko, with no goals of her own, maybe marrying Hojo but having a childless marriage where both just work and aren't really happy. Maybe her parents were planning to travel the world when the kids moved out, and now Inuyasha can give Kagome that. So since Kagome is so often away, she never truly knows the dangers she's in, but she gets to travel and enjoy life with the one she loves, doing what she loves. And if that means Kagome is happy, her mother is happy too.

Idt she took life too seriously given the circumstances she’s more of a product of her environment getting into high school and uni is HUGE in japan so most students were like that idk how it was in the 90s but the pressure of going to school and getting a good job is insane idt she anticipated staying in the past long term which is why she didn’t drop out and wanting an education isn’t being too hard on yourself imo it’s what she wanted to do I worked two jobs and went to school to make enough money to see exo in SK before they went on hiatus it was crazy and hard af but it was smth I really wanted I think her determination to get into school while dealing with naraku was one of her better traits and an indication of how smart she really was 😭 and the grandpa thing I took it more as “I’m young and this is stupid” kind of a rebellious thing not like loudly but just “it’s grandpa telling his stories again” she probably got tired of his hard sales and never saw proof (until she went to the past) so he lost his credibity tied with youthful immaturity that you know more than the next person or have everything figured out so maybe that could be her being more based in reason but not objectively but her definition of objective I found her to be an average likable 15 year old (pretty had “friends” was smart well off support system hottest guy in school wanted her etc.) probably so the “chosen one” cliche wasn’t as cliche she just happened to share a soul with kikyo (now the well being outside of her house... convenience)

The speaking her mind thing idk how she really was beforehand since we didn’t see much I always assumed she was always very outspoken she didn’t take Inuyasha’s sht at first which is why they butted heads a lot (then she caught feelings and...she still stood her ground but not as often as I would have liked but manga inukag and anime inukag function on different levels inuyasha wasn’t cheating on kagome like he was in the anime if I remember correctly)

If I’m wrong I’m sorry ! 😭 it’s 5am I just got off from work but this is the only time I’ll have to answer stuff since I have work again then I have to prepare for an interview then work some more (plus I’m having an allergic reaction so I’m just 😭😭😭 not available) if this is in defense of my kagome’s mom hates her thing idt she hates her hates her but I feel the unknown would scare her and the lack of concern is very weird and felt too much of a convenience like in anime the mc’s parents are either dead or overseas so the story doesn’t have to deal with concerned/scared parents maybe my parents are overprotective but if they don’t know what to expect they’re freaking out—oksy not freaking out but uncomfortable they make it seem when you have a child their your 24/7 when I went to SK my parents confessed they were going to talk me out of going b/c they thought I was going to get victimized (I was 22 I was gonna go anyways but still) in uni they said I couldn’t study aboard alone b/c of me getting victimized my mom told me she was afraid and worried abt me when I went away to uni even though I had friends and wasn’t alone so I’m probably projecting a bit here Ik inuyasha had her and kagome knew inuyasha had her but her mom at first didn’t know inuyasha had her she just believed inuyasha despite just meeting him which is crazy as hell to me I’m not saying she needed to strongly object but showing some inkling that she was worried abt her well being and not just being “oop well anyways let’s finish dinner” it could be read her mom trusted kagome which is good but she’s also 15 teenagers aren’t the most rational people also when kagome came back the first time the first thing she did was cry to her grandpa about how she was scared I hope she did the same with her mom or grandpa told her mom so your daughter being terrified abt what happened then being forced back the same day (inuyasha interrupted dinner and tried to pull her away) and your only response is to play with his ears is...Ik it was done in comedy but it also shows a disregard for her daughters safety I feel most ppl would take offense if someone broke into your house then took your daughter away to place that scared tf out of her

I’m sure this came off as me picking your argument apart but your interpretation is still valid! I’m not always right! Feel free to disagree!! This is just my thoughts and reaction to it!!

[tsurangaconundrum]

HI BESTIE!! i havent read like anything on ur blog yet so im responding to nothing sorry i was just frustrated with the fact that u actually have to write dialogue for a good story. disgusted and upset. i fell out of a tree this weekend! and i went, well, not really went, more like drove near an abandoned mental hospital where horrible atrocities were no doubt commited against the patients. my parents say they remember when it was still active, wild. anyway there were cats and vultures living there that part was pretty sick. im surprised they never filmed a n episode of supernatural there. also found some awesome bugs, a lot of beautiful native species too!!! life is crazy and now i have to go back to having responsibilities again. wack. apperenly i should start looking at colleges. why can i not show off by climbing up big trees and then falling on my face at the really easy last part for a living. (i literally said "I'm not gonna fall" like two seconds before falling. it was like a cartoon. but the only thing hurt was my pride tho. and my back. and my ribs. and)

OH i actually forgot the best part. yknow mothman right???? we WENT THERE the mothman town!!!!!!!!!! also apperently thats where some of my family lives, which idk if ive said before but that basically means im cousins with mothman. not to brag.

(ngl tho i was thinking of that 'all cryptid experiences are just the angels fucking around.' the whole time. twas humorous.)

what did u do this weekend??????????? is it getting cold for yall yet? i hate cold. bring back my cold blooded friends :(

dba youre doin it ALL. exploring the world. im glad you survived falling from a tree and seeing a place that could have hosted spn. also VULTURES???? COOL!!! best of luck doing college apps that shit sucks ass. my recommendation is to play up every little thing you've done. like just act like *insert random one off event* was very important. i lied a lot on mine but thats probably bad advice. thats so exciting abt mothman town youre living it up! as for me, this weekend i hung out w zoe @/exitwound and wrote a paper. it IS getting cold for me. i live in the pnw now and its so weird its like literally in the 50s and 60s. wtf. i saw a raccoon the other day just on the dumpster by my dorms and went bananas. i was so excited. also saw several deer. i love it. wishing you the best of luck on those college apps, u r gonna need them lmao.

[janisfm]

(   medalion rahimi  &  golshifteh  farahani   )   bopping  along  to what you know  by  two door cinema club  is  janis  najafi  ,  the  twenty-two year  old  cis female  thrown  back  to  their  premed  days  with  some  of  her  memories  .  voted  most  likely  to  break  a  limb  during  yoga  ,  janis  was  known  for  being  laborious  &  loquacious  ,  go  figures  you'd  always  find  them  cleansing her chakras  ,  but  grew  up  to  be  altruistic  &  quixotic  .

hello !!!  my name is barb , i’m 21 , and use she / they pronouns !  this is baby numero uno , janis. i wrote her up specifically for this group so i’m still figuring her out but yeah , i’m v excited to write and plot with y’all !  hmu if you wanna plot on here or on d/scord  @ crazy frog died of the swine flu#6238 !!!

stats

name: janis najafi 

birthday / zodiac: february 2nd , 1987. aquarius. 

age: twenty-two / thirty-two

gender: cis female ( she / her )

sexuality: bisexual

hometown: she was born in santa ana , california and continued living there until she was thirteen when she moved to northampton , massachusetts where she continued to live up until college. 

occupation: ob-gyn 

positive traits: scintillating , benevolent , loyal 

negative traits: verbose , finicky , impetuous

past

janis najafi was born to a community who loved and supported her before she was even born. seriously , she was born on a commune sjfdjgdf. full of hippies , just like her parents who named her janis after joplin , of course. 

there , she was taught and lived a very different lifestyle than most. she was taught anti-capitalistic values , free love , and political activism. she grew up with a vegetarian diet within an eco-friendly system where everyone worked to keep the community afloat. 

around the time she was thirteen , the commune died down until only her family and another were left. seeing no reason to keep it alive , the commune officially disbanded and the najafi family moved to massachusetts to be closer to her father’s side of the family. it was a HUGE culture shock for janis , going from a small community of hippies to the capitalistic world she was taught against. it definitely made her the odd one out at school , but she was able to navigate her way through life while keeping her morals and values intact. 

she never expected to get into rvu , her dream school , but it happened. her parents wanted her to stay behind and help run the small family bookshop , but janis had bigger plans. she wanted to be a midwife , and rvu offered her the classes she needed and the california sunshine she missed. 

college

so , plans changed. she still wanted to do something that required medical training but halfway through her second year , she switched to premed to become an ob-gyn. why ?  i don’t know , but she did. however , to get herself through the financial mess that is school , she did work as a doula for most of her college career. 

lots of people labeled her “ weird “ , but i don’t think she ever got the memo. she was definitely one of the free spirits on campus and was NOT afraid to show it.

very friendly to everyone , no matter which way they viewed her. lots of her professors thought she had done one too many psychedelic mushrooms which she did , but that was just how she was. would talk to anyone who would listen or , well , anyone who was standing near her. 

y’all knew she was around when the smell of incense was lingering.

had a rave girl phase but we don’t talk abt it 👀

present

she still worked as a doula as she searched for jobs. it took about a year , but she was hired to work in a big practice in one of the most expensive areas in town.

it was fine for the first few months , but she was noticing how exclusive it was to only people with money. it was always people with expensive purses and designed clothes coming in to the practice , their prices abnormally high. it annoyed janis to no end , so she quit.

she opened up her own practice ( with the help of a business major pal wc ???  ) and became her own boss in a small yet comfortable ob-gyn office. although her office is in a somewhat pricey area , she works with anyone with a vagina no matter their financial situation. is a hard darn believer that healthcare should be accessed by anyone and everyone , so she works hard to make her prices fair.

got married whaaat ???  she married the loml , nathaniel donovan. they adopted their first kid after many failed attempts in getting pregnant but as they were going through the adoption process , janis found out she was pregnant with twins so...crazy how that worked !

still very much in tune with her hippie lifestyle.

better fashion sense , thankfully. 

personality 

inspo taken from michelle burroughs ( dazed and confused ) , ilana wexler ( broad city )

is a very happy-go-lucky kind of person. always the optimistic , no matter the circumstance. 

will talk anyone’s ear off if you let her. whether its about something important or about nothing in particular , the bih talks too much !!!

unrealistic expectations when it comes to things that involve her. work , being a mom / wife , whatever it may be , she tries to achieve goals set for herself and scolds herself CONSTANTLY when she can’t reach them.

v emotional djndjgndfg. says i love you  to everyone and i love that  to everything that catches her eye. 

casual tm

has relaxed tremendously since college. not very in your face as she used to be

connections

i’m super relaxed with connections. as long as they’re cute or hurt my soul , i’m all for them !

[bubblegvms]

      ♡ . *   [   madelyn cline, cis female, she/her   ] ⁠— * oh, here comes DELILAH ABBOTT  !  the twenty-two year old libra is often referred to as the luminary. people say they have a tendency to be sententious and opinionated, but from what i’ve seen, they can be vivacious and devoted too. when they walk by, you’ll probably hear give you my lovin by mazzy star playing out of their headphones, but they’re also associated with chewing bubblegum after lunch, signing love letters with a kiss, & collecting music boxes. i hear they’re a waitress and studying women’s studies & want to become a social worker when they’re older, but who knows what will become of ‘em  !

        hey, everyone  !!  my name is diana, i am twenty years old, use she/her pronouns and reside in the est timezone  !!  some fun facts ( not really ) abt me: i’m a libra sun with a virgo moon and aquarius rising, i have 3 cats, i love film and jane austen :) i am suuuuper excited to be part of this group, ily all already and all ur muses are amazing <3 hehe i’ll be coming to u all for plots now asap :’) but anyway, without further ado, u can read abt my muse delilah under the cut  !!!

♡ . *    𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔    !

full name : delilah lane abbott

nickname(s) : lila ( she goes by this ), dee ( by family and close friends )

age : twenty-two

zodiac : libra sun, taurus moon, pisces rising ( click )

sexuality : bisexual

alignment : neutral good

pinterest : click

♡ . *    𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅    !    ( alcoholism & substance abuse tw )

delilah was born on a crisp autumn night, october 15th, 1970, to be exact. she was born in a tiny apartment in the middle of a college party. delilah’s birth mom was extremely young ( high school age ) when she got pregnant, and wasn’t sure who the father was. she came from a wealthy family, but ran away when she realized she was pregnant

her  birth  mother  also  struggled  with  alcoholism  and  substance  abuse.  those  close  to  her  did  their  best  to  make  sure  she  wasn’t  using  any  of  these  substances  during  her  pregnancy,  but  she  snuck  a  few  drinks  and  pills  here  and  there  whenever  she  got  the  chance

after giving birth to delilah, things only got worse. she continued drinking and using drugs more than ever before, often times neglecting her baby. she attempted to raise her baby with her boyfriend, who was much older than her, but he ultimately was no help and only there for a good time. delilah lived with her birth mom the first three ( almost four ) years of her life

finally, her birth mom’s parents tracked her down and discovered she had a child. once they saw the conditions she was living in, they told her she needed to put delilah up for adoption before the state took her away. so that is exactly what she did, and has been in and out of rehab ever since

delilah was adopted around a year later. at this point, she was nearly 5. she was extremely happy and felt so grateful to be adopted. while in the foster care system, she had met a lot of older kids who had been there for years

delilah’s family was so loving and welcoming, she truly could not have asked for more. 3 years later, they adopted jude and delilah became a big sister  !!!  she is extremely protective over her sister, she would literally do anything for her :’) and their parents clearly loved kids, since their basement also became the hangout spot for everyone

( donna and i are still plotting out the details about their family, but it’s only them and their mom now o: )

lila had to grow up pretty fast, so she always much more responsible and mature for her age. still, despite everything, she always maintained an optimistic outlook on life. she loves life and the people in hers so much, she just has so much love to spread  !!!!

delilah developed a passion for feminism at a young age, thanks to her mother. she would literally print out feminist readings and pass them out at lunch in high school. she’d also give speeches about feminism at school. some people disliked her for it, saying she was too opinionated and stuff, but it never stopped her. she also pretty much always knew she wanted to be a social worker

♡ . *    𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚    !

delilah always sees the best in people. although she acknowledges that everyone has flaws, she’s the type of person who doesn’t like to give up on anyone. she will support you even through your darkest times, and try to help you see the light

she is so protective of her friends and family, like will truly do anything to see them safe and happy. she just wants to remind everyone that they are loved and supported

she LOVES people soooooo much  !!!  she is extremely extroverted, literally a social butterfly who tries to befriend literally everyone ajskdhkdh

delilah dislikes conflict, so she is often playing peacemaker, whether in her home life or with her friend group. she wants everyone to get along, but be able to talk to their differences to come to some sort of common ground. however, sometimes this means shes sticking her nose in other people’s business

she is obsessed with love  !!!!  like this girl literally falls in love 5 times a day with a stranger on the bus, the coolest celebrity on tv, the girl that sits next to he in class, etc. i think she is definitely a relationship person, because she’s a nurturer and wants to be there for people. however, i think sometimes she gets caught up in the fairy tale of it all. like she wants to be in love so bad, sometimes she rushes into things or idealizes the situation in her head, so things might not exactly work out

delilah isn’t very open with her emotions. she mostly keeps them to herself, because she doesn’t want anyone to have to worry about her or anything. she tries to deal with everything herself mostly

she sees the beauty in everything, which is like partially because she’s a huge optimist. she also cannot resist pretty things. she once bought a pink guitar from a thrift store because she thought it was pretty, even though she has no idea how to play. however, she wants to learn, especially because she loves to sing ( this bitch is literally always humming )

is almost always the designated driver. she doesn’t really drink or smoke too often, and when she does, it’s during social situations. but she wants her friends to have all the fun they want and know they have someone they can count on to get them home safely. but btw she is an extreme lightweight LMFAO

some other little headcanons / tidbits about her

♡ . *    𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅  𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔    !

adventure buddy - someone who goes on little adventures with her and is always down to experience and try new things  !!!

ride or die / best friend - the person she is closest to ( aside from jude ). literally her platonic soulmate, the person who understands her the most, the person she understands the most

unlikely friends - they’re so different, you’d never expect them to be good friends. but for some reason, it just works. they click  !!  maybe they’re always introducing each other to new things, like showing each other their interests and stuff

ex-fling / gf / bf - maybe they ended on weird terms, maybe they ended on good terms, maybe they still have lingering feelings or sexual tension, etc. we can plot however  !!

unrequited crush - maybe delilah has a crush on ur muse. she is constantly falling for people so it wouldn’t be unlikely  !!  OR ur muse could have a crush on her and she’s oblivious to it

requited crush - they both like each other, but maybe they’re both too scared to make a move, or maybe they’re ready to like try going out, we can plot however  !!

friends w benefits - someone she is currently seeing / sleeping with. could be no strings attached, or there could b some feelings there. maybe they don’t want to make it anything serious, or maybe they’re ready to take it to the next level. maybe one person is ready to go further, and the other isn’t

enemies w benefits - ok not actually enemies, since they’re all friends and delilah doesnt rly hate anyone ( only racist, sexist, homophobic, etc kinds of ppl ). but maybe they don’t exactly see eye to eye, so imagine the tension  !!!  they started out not getting along that well, but ended up hooking up. maybe it was a one time thing, or maybe they can’t stop going back to each other. maybe they’re keeping it a secret from everyone else

will they, won’t they -  there’s feelings between them, but they haven’t made the plunge to pursue whatever they have. longing, yearning, lingering glances PLS  !!!  they have chemistry, but maybe the timing has always been off  ??

flirtationship - they flirt constantly, but nothing serious has come out of it and maybe never will. maybe they have good chemistry, but have never tried to explore it further, or don’t want to ruin their friendship. or maybe they flirt and think it’s a joke, but really it’s like a haha jk....unless  ?  type situation AKSJJKSD

ex-close friends - someone she used to consider a best friend, but they had a falling out for whatever reason. maybe they want to re-kindle their friendship but don’t know how, or they’re just accepting of the distance between them

take care / taken care of - ok so delilah doesnt drink or smoke a lot, but when she does, she is an extreme lightweight. maybe ur muse looks after her when she’s under the influence  ?  also  !!!  someone she looks after a lot. like she tries to take care of all her friends, but maybe she especially wants to take care of ur muse and has a soft spot for them  !!!

confidant - someone who confides in her or someone she confides in, or they confide in each other  !!!  they trust each other, and maybe they talk more in private. delilah isn’t very open about stuff, but she confides in ur muse maybe

bad influence - delilah hasn’t done a lot of bad or crazy things in her life, so i’d luvvvvv for a bad influence plot  !!  someone who gets her to do things she never would do otherwise. someone who can show her a fun time  !!

good influence - someone she can be a good influence on, someone she brings out the best in, maybe someone she rly cares about and wants to look after to make sure they’re ok  !!

diner days - she’s a waitress, maybe ur muse always shows up during her shifts to keep her company and get free milkshakes  !!  someone who helps her pass the time while she’s working

these are all the plot ideas i can think of for now, but i’ll be making a plots page later on and add more stuff  !

finally, that is all !! i’m so sorry about how long this is, i ramble so much sometimes !!! but anyway, if u like this post i’ll hit u up on discord ( if u don’t i’ll still message u <3 ). if u prefer tumblr im’s for plotting tho, just let me know <3 i’m sooo excited to rp with u all aaahhh i can’t wait  !!!!

my discord:  blackpink is coming <333333#5522

[dulharpa]

this is for hayley! @whistlingwillows a dear friend <3333

it’s meant to be a birthday present haha. i just want to shower you in love;;; so thought maybe i could go through as many of your fics and comment on them :^)))

(TO EVERYONE ELSE: please go to @whistlingwillows blog and read her fics!!! they are SO FCKIN GOOD AND AMAZING AND UGH HER MIND (it’s a lot of mcu and her bucky and steve fics are a*. i DEFINITELY RECOMMEND))

i wish you a VERY happy birthday and i hope we stay friends for many more years <3333333333 

i’m going through your masterlist heehee ;)))

ah first off, nice theme! i never could rlly see it before because i’m always on mobile heehee. also sorry for not reviewing them before??? i don’t usually read fics on tumblr as you’ve probably guessed;;

anyways, IM GON REVIEW THE SHIT OUT OF THESE >:DDDD

far from home -  bucky x stark sister!reader

firstly, i like how youre introducing the reader from buckys pov, like you can sort of already gather what shes like from them

‘Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.’

IM CRYING ALREADY. the imagery in here is GLORIOUS. your tone here is so fitting! oo and the alliteration here is perfecto

ooooooo!! the backstory coming in  👀👀

‘despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.// Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.’

yIKES! lol this is very character study like! nICE. it hurts tho, my poor children, i love you both 

oo ‘starlight eyes’ that is a very nice way of describing them

‘“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.//“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.’

ooo singapore uwu and london? (coincidence? haha jkjk) and the hints abt reader and buckys background are so good?? but so annoying??? like i just wanna KNOW yknow?? 

‘The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.’ 

your imagery is so vivid?? im actually in awe??? i am so regretful i havent kept reading your fics. like i know they are amazing, i just keep putting them off??? idk man. hopefully this makes up for it (gd tho, im still not done with commenting on one fic. this is what im doing with my motivation teehee ;)

‘ He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering ‘

mood during this quarantine lol

‘“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”Shit.‘

 OUCH LMAO THATS C O L D, O GOT +100 PHYSIC DAMAGE FROM JUST READING THAT

ooo robin as a nickname noice. very much gives me batman vibes lol

oh! and the way of doing the ‘flashback’ is neat! very original. it both tells us what happened AND buckys reaction to it again. he can re-analyse himself and reader. very cool

‘If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!” Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.’

👀👀 yikes that ultimatum. :// not good bucky. tbf theyre both trying to hurt each other but Yikes

eyy!!! readers pov!! finally! and the switch after we find out the outsiders pov? brilliant

oh no :(( more angst

‘When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”’ they BOTH need therapists;;;;

very good fic!!! :DD they rlly do hate each other! i definitely like how you went back and forth with the timeline! it gave me a v strong idea on what yn was like even before we rlly got introduced. i am now very curious on where reader is? i love your characterisations! 

i will read the 10k+ fics but heck the last one took me ages lolol (i will comment in the future tho!! i promise <3 ) (that took me over an hour jjhghgdjh)

slipping away- amnesiac modern bucky x reader

omg,,, AMNESIA! >:DDDDDD

‘ Put your fucking seatbelt on’

oh no, istg theyre going to have a car crash arent they (’ doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.’ NO PLEASE PUT IT ON U DUMBASS)

ok,,,,, at LEAST he put it on before he got hit, thank heck. but still. youre so cruel to your poor characters lmaoo

oh gosh

‘You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.///Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns’

this hurts damn, it is so vivid?? i can really feel it 

i am so glad you got into writing yk?? so glad

NO PLS, TELL HIM. TELL HIM :((( ‘shes nice once you get to know her?? shes known nat for years now!! years!!

oh god ‘he looks younger without the burden of your time together’ this is so angsty omg

‘Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”

this is so soft i stg im crying in the club

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTT , you left it off like that!!! thats so cruel!!!! i can’t!!! how dare you!!!! :””””””((( im typing this with tears in my eyes ill have u know!!

anyway!!! very good fic!! you could honestly make that into a longfic very easily lol. i felt too many emotions :(( 

i was just about to say where is the fluff!! where is it!! when i saw the next one and yay :))) pls i cant have more angsty stuff rn

.

cookies and rings and things bucky and reader

‘how much do you love me?’ ‘count the snowflakes, multiply by a million’

did you have to start the fic off with such a SOFT line? its so soft! so TENDER 

‘He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.’  jesus, the soft moments filled with love are the greatest <3

you can write fluff so well, whyd you have to pain me with all that angst ;””””) (1/10 hurt, 9/10 comfort is the way to go lolol) (jkjk ill read the angsty ones too when i have the spoons) (gonna reread that hydra steve one and ik thatll fuck me UP)

‘ Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are. ‘

you literally brought me to tears reading this softness, you have truly found my weakness

‘ She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst ‘

he already likes her so much! i can’t believe this is affecting me so much :’)

‘Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky’

this is so soft??? sam loves reader bc reader loves bucky sm. pls my hear <3333

you do fluff SO WELL DAMN 

‘F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission. ‘

yike bringing back that reminder oof

but thats so soft??? (i am def overusing soft but,,,,, i love it and the vibe) she sent him cookies! god i can feel the love  

‘She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it—and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.’

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 my hEART

you show how much they love each other in so many ways??? i am dying

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.//”“What?”//Oh.Shit.

oh my god! i am literally tearing up!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!

oh shit o am literally crying

your fluff got me crying harder than your angst i hope youre happy

I really hope you enjoy reading this?? i keep forgetting to like text you but i wanted to do something for your birthday. especially in quarantine when everythings gone crazy. one year i swear ill do something REALLY good for you. not making promises bc i hate if i dont. but ill like, learn how to podfic because you D E S E R V E  I T 

ive spent like three hours doing this lolol 

thank you so much for everything hayley!

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever snuck out of your house? Nope. Have you ever snuck someone into your house? No. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? No. How many people have you kissed? Three. What’s the craziest thing you’ve done on a dare? Nothing. That reminds of this movie I just finished watched; though, called, “Nerve.”  Have you ever cussed someone out? Nah.

What’s the most trouble you’ve ever gotten in with your parents? When I lied about taking my medicine months when I was like 11 or 12. I had been hiding the pills behind my bed and in a storage bin thingy in my room. The medicine was important for me to take, but I hated taking it. Anyway, they were of course upset and disappointed. I had to earn their trust back, so they had to watch me take my medicine for awhile. I also had my computer privileges taken away for like a month, which really sucked. Have you ever cheated on someone? No. Have you ever pretended to be someone’s friend? No. Have you ever had a friend-with-benefits? Yes. 10/10 do not recommend.  Have you ever spread a nasty rumor about someone? No. Do you make fun of random people? I mean, I comment on the stupidity of some people when I hear crazy/stupid stories on the news or about certain people on TV shows like Dr. Phil or Judge Judy. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Yes. :/ Have you ever been physically abused? No. What’s something you really regret saying to someone? A lot of things. Is there something really bad that you’ve done, that only YOU know about? Not something really bad that I can think of... Do you have a lot of secrets? Not really. Does it take a lot to make you feel guilty? No. Have you ever broken a really important promise? I don’t know. I don’t make a lot of promises. Have you ever gone out with a best friend’s ex? No. Have you ever made out with someone who was just a friend? Yes. Have you ever cheated on a test? No. Have you ever told someone’s deep, dark secret? * I dont think so? Not to anyone it would have mattered to, anyway? Like, sometimes I’ll talk to my dad abt memories from the past and some of that stuff might have been personal or private at the time, but I mean…its my dad. Who’s he gonna tell? He’d jst be some random dad talking abt his kids ex-best-friend’s secrets? Weird, ahah <<< Yeah, things like that. Do you ever lie to make yourself sound better? HA. Clearly not if you read my surveys. Have you ever made up a false rumor to get back at someone? No. Have you ever gotten in a fist fight? Nope. Have you ever done something bad JUST because you knew you shouldn’t? Hmm. Have you ever purposely hurt yourself? Yes. Have you ever mooned/flashed someone? Noo. Have you ever caused someone major embarrasment? Just myself. Have you ever pushed someone into a pool? No. Have you ever got in a fight with someone and never made up? Yes. Have you ever copied someone else’s homework? I was the one people often came to to try and do that.  Have you ever skipped school to do something more fun? * Ive “skipped” to go on vacations and things like that <<< Yep. Have you ever skipped school to get out of a test? No. That wouldn’t have worked, I would have just had to make it up later. Have you ever kissed someone the same day you met them? No. What’s under your bed? Nothing. What’s on that way top shelf or in the very far back of your closet? Some medical supplies. Do you have a super-secret hiding place and what’s in it? Nope. Do you feel guilty about something right now, if yes what? A lot of things. What is the most embarassing thing in your room right now? I don’t consider anything in here embarrassing. Have you done something recently you hope no one finds out about? Not recently. What is your last thought before you fall asleep? Everything and anything. Have you ever you shop lifted? Only when I was a kid and thought the candy in the big candy bins were free to take. Whoops.

[themockingcrows]

Whisper Just For Me Ch. 15: Reunion

This chapter is SFW! This chapter is also available mirrored on my AO3.

Just having someone back in your presence doesn't always mean they're really there, especially when that someone is a ghost. How much of Dave is with you, and how much of him was affected by your time apart? Is it really a reunion when only one person is aware of the reuniting?

    Your dreams were empty. You were holding out hope that Dave would visit you, would talk with you, would get rid of the lingering worry that clung to your mind like a sticky veil of spiderwebs. Instead you got repeats of different scenarios you've had in the past, strange distortions of shadow and light, a strange sequence of trying to buy a set of pants from a food stall only to find they didn't have your size, and your father trying to pass off one of his finest hats to you after it had been coated in peanut butter, blending the symbolic niceties of adulthood and achievement with a death threat. If you believed in omens it probably would have meant a lot. Good thing you don't believe in it without a gut feeling and the only feelings it gave you were confusion and a stomach ache.

    You woke with your hand instinctively curled around the pendant as if trying to keep it warm, despite the material being plenty warm in your hand already, a reminder of who dwelled within it. Good, he was making some reactions now aside from just a loose sensation of presence.

    “...Dave?” you said quietly, a sleepy murmur. “Dave, can you hear me in there?”

    Silence.

    “...Dave, I'm so sorry for what happened. If I was even remotely aware anything like that was going to happen I'd have done everything different somehow. I'm just glad we got there in time.”

    More silence, but the warmth in your hand didn't diminish. Dave was definitely still in there. Maybe he was sleeping in too.

    Your phone let out a few familiar tones to signal you had messages coming in, rapid fire texts that had you wondering just how many people were texting you at once till you could get at it and turn the screen on with a press of the button along the side. ...Huh. Okay, five texts in a row from a number you were sleepy enough to not recognize as Rose's for a moment.. No, six, your phone chimed again in your palm to try making you scroll down. Okay, maybe you wouldn't have recognized it was from Rose's number right away anyway, this was definitely not her normal way of texting.

    TT: hey when you get this cn u like txt me back asap

    TT: *can

    TT: its roxy rose said i should hit u up again to like

    TT: check in and shit about what happened

    TT: srry for treating u like u two were gonna rob me blind but 2 be fair u were acting creepy

    TT: is that ghost thing okay btw or is that not a gr8 thing to ask

    Another few chimes as you were trying to formulate how to even reply, which left you marveling at the speed with which she could text. Was he okay? He still wasn't talking or glowing or.. much of anything beyond keeping the pendant warm. He wouldn't do that if he was sick right? ...Wait, do ghosts even get sick? What was the right word for this. Exhaustion? Strained? It couldn't last forever, he'd be back to normal soon surely.

    TT: srry not ghost thing i guess i mean dave

    TT: rose filled me in a bit but it still dsnt make much sense

    TT: guess it makes more sense than me goin crzy tho

    TT: *crazy lol

    Yeah, no shit. Even this deep in everything there were times you worried you were just actually crazy and none of this unbelievable mess was real at all. Rubbing sleep from your eyes, you pushed yourself to sit upright in bed, put on your glasses, and started to slowly type out a reply with your pointer finger.

    EB: hey, yeah, i'm here. sorry, i just woke up.

    TT: o shit my bad lol

    EB: no, it's no problem. thanks for getting in contact though. and sorry for uh.

    EB: you know.

    EB: barging into your apartment and alerting you to the whole concept of ghosts i guess?

    TT: like i said dont worry abt it

    TT: im just glad everythins back to normal in here

    TT: I hadnt realized just how weird the place felt till now

    TT: muties finally able to chillax again

    EB: i'm still kind of amazed you believed us at all, but if you'd been feeling things for a while then i guess that would all just kind of line up, huh.

    TT: just another day in the bullshit mines

    TT: rose talks about stuff like this a lot but i kinda never rlly believed her

    TT: hindsight 2020 foot does not taste gr8

    You grinned at your phone and let the screen go dim once more before stuffing it into the pocket of some sweatpants you then wrangled on. Might as well not delay the inevitable and just get up. It took a few more tries than usual to get up, fatigue weighing heavy in your bones, but get up you eventually did to shuffle to the kitchen. A banana wound up in your other pocket, keeping your hands free for motoring around to thump down on the sofa. Jade perked up soon as you went down, shuffling her legs to get your weight off her feet and poking a head full of sleep wild hair out from underneath the throw.

    “...S'it morning..?”

    “Yeah. Or later, I didn't look at the time,” you admit, pulling your phone out of your pocket to peek as the banana was yanked out in a dual wielding motion. You bit the standing end of the banana and tipped it sideways till the peel cracked, making it easier to open one handed. Wisely, you waited till you had a bit mouth full of fruit to try talking more. “Closer to noon it look like. Oh, and Roxy wrote.”

    “How'd she get your number?” Jade asked. She crawled to the floor to get at her purse, rummaging around for a brush to start taming the mass down enough to apply some strategically placed hair ties.

    “Oh, no, she was writing from Rose's phone. I guess they met up today in one way or another? She said everything feels better at her place so.. I guess that at least shows Dave didn't dislodge somehow or anything.”

    “Has he.. y'know. Said anything?”

    You frowned and took another bite of banana, then another till it was gone, delaying as if the extra few seconds stalled would somehow give Dave enough incentive to interact again. No such luck.

    “No. Nothing.. Oh! But the pendant's warm! He's definitely in there, just..”

    Just what. Just tired? Just ghost broken? Did ghosts get sick? You sank down further in the sofa and let your leg slide further along the floor with a heavy sigh. This sucked. This really, really sucked.

    “...I wish I knew enough about what was happening to fix it.”

    “We could always ask Rose if you want. She seems to have good ideas on this stuff, maybe she'd understand what was happening,” said Jade, opening up a compact mirror to check and see if the low segmented pigtails were a good look that day. Verdict was a resounding yes from the way she snapped it shut with a happy grin and dropped the supplies back into the bag. “Or we can just wait and see what he does next on his own.”

    “You make me sound like a helicopter parent when you put things like that, Jade.”

    “Helicopter boyfriend.”

    “Helicopter whatever! Same thing!”

    “I mean-”

    “You know that's not what I meant,” you frowned. “I just want to do what's best by him. I'm kind of responsible for him now, and I already fucked that up in a big way. Getting him back's like a second chance, but I can't do the second chance right from the very beginning if something's wrong.”

    “Then call Rose,” shrugged Jade as she got up from the floor and sauntered off to pilfer breakfast from your fridge.

    “Yeah but what if that just makes it worse somehow, what if we're supposed to wait for something to happen!”

    “John either call her, let me call her, or shut up and relax! Holy shit, it's not the world ending, it's either getting more potential information from a verified source of accurate information, or making our own estimations based on study and other information sources. It's as if you've never heard of a reasonable hypothesis before,” she grumbled, then disappeared around the corner.

    You frowned the way she went.

    “You could've at least taken my banana peel with you!”

    “Fuck your banana peel, you've got a leg and two arms that aren't broken!”

    You immediately stuck your tongue out in her direction, already knowing she couldn't see it, but hoping she could feel your rankle even through the wall. Heaving another sigh, reveling in the dramatic for a moment, you turn your attention to your phone once more. It hadn't pinged again to signal an incoming flurry from Roxy, so you assumed it'd be safe to call Rose now. Jade was right. She'd probably know what to do.

    The phone rang several times before you heard the familiar voice on the other line and smiled.

    “Hello?”

    “Rose?”

    “Obviously.”

    “Yeah. So. ..Uh.” Come on, spit it out, what if this was time sensitive or something? “Dave's home now... I think. But he's not talking or anything. No dream visits, no lights, no interacting with anything. The most he's done is warm the pendant up,” you start to explain. “I'm worried he's. I don't know. Sick? Exhausted? What happens now, how can I help fix him? I finally got him home but I can't even talk to him.”

    Everything had started as a trickle before finishing in a rush of stress balled up into English and launched out of your mouth like cannon fire. You held your breath, listening closely for a response.

    “Well.”

    ….Well that wasn't what you were hoping for. It takes effort to remain quiet and wait instead of pointing that out and being sarcastic. Stress sarcasm didn't tend to do the best things.

    “I think he likely just needs rest. Roxy already caught me up to everything that happened prior to and just after him leaving. It's possible he just expended way too much energy while apart from you and needs to rest now. Perhaps even sap energy from his surroundings.”

    You frowned and furrowed your brow in thought. It had felt harder to get out of bed today, but was that Dave already sapping from you, or was it just the reality of getting around on crutches for too long at a stretch?

    “Is there anything I can do to help though? I mean. I guess if he's going to be doing that draining thing while this tired, is there anything I can do to make it easier for him to do it?”

    You heard Rose sigh and the creak of whatever seat she was in.

    “Hm. Well, not exactly anything you can DO. Not strictly speaking at least. You can make yourself more open to him, perhaps. Leave yourself like an open door, let him get at you easier. Keep him in range obviously. Make sure you eat and sleep often enough, perhaps rest up and take things a little easier. Be the reserve battery.”

    You wet your lips and nodded, though obviously Rose couldn't see you. You hoped she'd get the feeling you nodded anyway.

    “Is there any way I'll be able to tell when he's back to normal?”

    “When he's back to scattering papers and bothering you, most likely,” Rose said, the soft sound of a chuckle flavoring her words. “But I think he'll make himself known when he's able to. The way you've talked about him makes it seem like he's probably just as excited to talk to you as you are to talk to him.”

    It was a comforting though. Another few nods you hoped Rose was able to detect happened as you tried to collect the rest of your thoughts.

    “When should I try telling him about the things Jade and I learned? About.. y'know, about his everything. His history and stuff.”

    Rose was quiet for a moment. You could almost picture her biting her lip, pale teeth on black lipstick that somehow never seemed to smudge or get spotty.

    “I'd recommend keeping your mouth shut about much of that until he's for certain stronger. It's hard to gauge his specific reaction, but the last thing you'd want to have happen is for the information to make him decide to go and then be unable to leave due to not having enough power.”

    “So.. I just need to be a good battery and wait for him, and then get to the nitty gritty when he's all recovered and back to obnoxiously normal.”

    “That's the gist of it, yes. Keep him close and in contact. Think of it as spoon feeding someone overtaken by illness while they recover.”

    “I'm already recovering, I think I can handle a bit more of the resting. Hah, might make Jade happy to finally get off my feet and just take it easy for a while longer.”

    She chuckled. “No doubt. I'd be interested to hear about your progress as things continue, actually. Will you be tracking things as you were before? That data is extremely useful to have on hand, it gives good insight on whether things that feel like they should work are actually beneficial. Who knows who might else wind up in a similar situation someday with a spirit and need to tend it before it can properly move on?”

    “You make it sound like opening a ghost infirmary or rehabilitation place is an option, Rose.”

    Another soft sound from the other end of the phone and far too long of a pause spanned silence till you laughed, awkward. “Rose. I was kidding.”

    “Yes. Kidding. Still an intriguing idea. I wonder if spiritual rehabilitation could work in the case of negative spirits as we-”

    “Rose, I'm gonna have to let you go for now,” you interrupted. “I'm sorry. I'll call back later on with updates, okay?”

    “Have Jade call me later, if you could?”

    “About Dave?”

    “No, to make dinner plans. I think her phone may be drained, it just goes straight to voice mail.”

    That wasn't like her. Maybe she turned it off instead of it dying. Either way, you nod and make a sound of confirmation just in case Rose wasn't psychic enough to understand just how earnestly you'd been nodding this entire time you'd been conversing.

    “Sure thing. Thanks again, Rose. And uh.. Rose?”

    “Yes?”

    “...Could you tell Roxy to send me a bill for what all she'd need to get her laptop running again? I feel like it'd probably be better if I paid or helped pay for a good chunk of that. Even if it was an accident, just. ..Yeah.”

    It was kind of the least you could do, considering someone innocent got caught in some pretty serious crossfire. Things could have easily given way to a fire, taken out the entire apartment building or gotten others killed.

    “I'm sure she'll appreciate it. Between that and her phone, I think her run of bad luck took a bit more out of her than she'd be willing to admit. I'll just pass her your email address and she'll forward something.” A soft chuckle. “If she doesn't, then I'll figure it out and send the information your way instead.”

    “Perfect. Thank you again, Rose.”

    You hung up as Jade was coming back in with a bowl of cereal loaded to the brim, sipping milk from the edge where it precariously sat just waiting to spill all over the floor. She cast a green eyed glance your way to be sure she wouldn't squash anything before sitting down beside you on the sofa to crunch away. Apparently the back and forth sassing hadn't left any lingering bad tastes in her mouth towards you, at least judging by how close and comfortable she sat.

    There was no mystery involved if Jade Harley was angry with you. You were very, very well aware.

    “Rose said to treat myself like a good little battery and just wait on him to make the most of it. Give her updates.. and she wants you to call for dinner plans? Your phone's apparently off.”

    Jade swallowed sideways and nearly choked on her cereal.

    “What? Fuck. I forgot I did that. Right, don't worry about it, I'll call her soon as I finish this. ...But that's it, huh?”

    “Apparently so. Take it easy, eat and sleep plenty, keep him close. I wonder if talking to him helps even if he can't respond yet. Would he be able to hear?”

    “If he's awake he'll hear. Maybe he's just not strong enough to respond and he's actually wide awake worrying? Talking is a good idea.”

    “Great, more excuses to talk to myself in public, exactly what I want.”

    “Truly, you lead a charmed life,” she said with a grandiose gesture of her spoon before popping more cereal into her face. The mood seemed reset now that your obligations were complete. You had solved the mystery of how Dave died, of his origins. You'd gotten Dave back, though you weren't quite able to celebrate freely yet. You were going to repair damage done and set some debts right before they could become an issue. You had ideas on how to help fix things in a lot of ways.

    All you needed was patience.

    ...Fuck does patience suck sometimes.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    You'd spent nearly two weeks being the best battery you were able to be. You ate plenty of decent food, took naps whenever you could, and otherwise gave yourself as much physical rest as you were able to on the sofa when not busy. The entire time you were also murmuring to yourself, talking softly towards the pendant you couldn't help but keep touching, narrating your life and your thoughts to a sleeping spirit that you were guarding. The stone remained comfortingly warm as a hand you could hold in your time alone, and a few times you swore you could feel a soft pulse of a presence coming from it. There had been no speaking however. No dreams being visited.

    The paranoid part of your brain was worried enough that it started to offer up all kinds of awful scenarios that were possibly coming true, despite having clear evidence to the contrary that anything was going wrong. Dave was quiet, but he was there. You knew he was there. ...You just wished he'd react more than a pulse or warmth.

    Dave granted your wish one night. While you worked on your laptop in bed, fucking around on a forum in one window, talking with friends in another, and doing a little research into some new devices for spirit communication that were making the rounds in the online sources, you failed to notice the slender trail of red light leaving the pendant. You also failed to notice the red ball form, only realizing something was up when the corner of your eye caught the red haze starting to take a different shape.

    “Wh-. Dave?!”

    Fumbling with your laptop, you sat bolt upright in bed and glanced down to the pendant before back towards the apparition that was struggling to form something specific. Humanoid was a good start, but it seemed like he was struggling a bit to settle on a specific shape for very long, unable to make up his mind.

    “It's okay, you can stay an orb if you want! There's no rush!” you hurry to say, though he doesn't appear to acknowledge you. The red light strains and struggles, forming Dave's face before flickering and distorting grotesquely enough that you're taken aback. He keeps coming back to his own face, but between flashes of it are things you don't recognize. Monstrous half formed things, faces that belong to people you've never met, and even several times faces you recognized. You could have sworn you saw Jade in there a few times, and Roxy. You saw your own face once or twice before it ripped itself apart to bone and reformed as malleable as clay in the vapor.

    “...Dave?” you whisper. It's the face of Dave's brother that glances at you sharp as broken glass, mouth set in a thin line as his outer edges twitched and spasmed, only to once more break apart at the seams. He looked like he was melting, and it took effort not to panic. Something was definitely wrong, it was obvious to see, but WHAT was wrong. What specifically was wrong? What could even be done about it? You wet your lips and tried to think clearly as you could.

    Be open. Be a good battery. Dave had gone through a lot of strain before coming home, maybe this reforming problem was linked to that? It had to take a lot of power to form a specific shape as opposed to just forming out of habit. You were trying to think of any reasonable explanation you could, despite the taste of bile rising in the back of your throat.

    “Dave,” you try again, keeping his attention this time. Maybe just act like business as usual? “I missed you so much. I'm sorry this happened, but.. you're here now! You're home! And I'm recovering, and everything can go back to normal now.”

    A frown lit on Dave's ever changing face, but he seemed to be starting to decide on the features you were by now familiar with. His eyes were the things that stayed in place the most, barely there hints of lashes pale on a fairly normal shaped face. At least it wasn't splitting apart at the seams anymore.. His mouth still looked too big, too sharp, too inhuman, but it was progress. You gestured with your arms wide as if expecting a hug at any time to come your way, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, you'd get it to happen if you wished enough.

    “I know things haven't been easy. And.. I understand if you're mad. Or scared. Or-”

    Something was wrong. Words died on your lips as, finally, Dave's features went into the right order and appeared to hold steady yet the look in his eyes didn't change in the slightest. He looked at you as if looking through you, taking in the room as a whole as if he'd never seen it before in his life. If he was strong enough to form, why wasn't he talking to you at all? Or reaching for you?

    “...Dave,” you try again, moving so your legs were over the edge of your mattress and one hand was reaching for your crutches. “Dave. Say something. Anything. Or.. uh. Knock something over. I'm listening close as I can for you, I promise, but I'm not hearing anything. Am I just not trying hard enough or are you just not talking for some reason?”

    The spirit was glancing at his hands now, wispy trails of paleness caught in reddish mist that faded in and out of view between fully formed mass and smoke. Even with a fully open link, it still took a lot of energy to do that. You weren't surprised to hear the fan of your laptop suddenly kick into high gear behind you, cooling the inner workings down as it drew more power than usual from the wall. He didn't seem interested in talking, or in doing much at all. Compared to the spirit you were used to, how Dave was acting now just gave you the creeps. He hovered gently off the ground, face grim and expressionless as a doomed man, resolute and lost. A thousand yard stare at nothing at all.

    This was Dave, but it was the least Dave-like Dave you thought you'd ever seen. And considering how much you'd learned about him so recently and all the time you'd spent together so far, you considered yourself a pretty damn good gauge of Dave-ness. An unaccounted for lack of Dave-ness with no guidance on what had caused it. Could you soft reset ghosts? Turn it off and on again till the appearance stuck right.

    No, wait, that was a stupid idea. Focus, John. You shook your head hard to clear the thought from your head to focus on the other thoughts instead, the ones that felt instinctively like they might help. After all, you'd shared a body before, two minds in one form. You'd had his voice in your head, in your ear, in your heart. Maybe he just needed that..? Needed a touch, a push, a rekindling to remember properly after the traumatic time apart like someone might take their shoes off and flop on a sofa to make a place feel like home again after a return from a too long vacation. You picked up a single crutch and forced yourself upright to your feet, leaning your weight to keep balanced before taking a lumbering step forward, one hand out beseechingly.

    “Dave. Come here for a second.”

    He stared at you, through you again, then went back to looking at his hands as if they were foreign objects. Maybe they were. The thought chilled your blood, but you lumbered forward another careful step, nearly touching him. It would be okay. It'd be fine. You could do this.

    Dave flinched when your hand went through him as if he'd not realized just how close you were. ...Wait, had he felt that? The contact had been chilly, vaguely electric, but welcome. Familiar. Just needed to keep contact up for it to be warm, right?

    “Come on.. Here. Remember when we were at the aquarium?” you asked, pausing to grin at him. “Would yoooou... want to try that again? No cars this time. It was kind of fun in hindsight. Scary but interesting to back seat in my own body?”

    Were you offering casual possession to an Not-Very-Dave-Like Dave? Yes. Yes you were. It felt important, the closest thing to a hug you could manage when all you craved was contact with someone who couldn't do the literal contact thing very well. Dave stared vacantly, but didn't seem like he was going to dart away anywhere, or at least attempt to given the limitations of the place he was still tethered to. A thought of taming timid woodland creatures crossed your mind as you held your hand out in offer, patient, quiet, smiling.

    “Come on. Come closer. I've really missed you, I can see you, you can see me. I can't hear you and I'm dying for a chat.”

    More staring. ...Okay, you weren't a very patient man in hindsight, but the attempt was still happening.

    “Dave. Come here,” you said again.

    More staring.

    Well. Now or never. Acting quickly, you moved your crutch forward and lunged for the spirit in his red haze as if you were trying to bear hug him, forcing yourself to think as openly as you could. Welcoming as an open door, trying to recreate anything you could from the aquarium as you went right through him and lurched uncoordinatedly straight into your dresser drawers. Another hard wobble as you rebounded too hard in a panic of over-correcting and started to go backwards, passing through Dave a second time directly before starting to head for the floor.

    Though you hadn't been able to see it, the first pass through Dave's body had had a definite effect, a small spark of reaction, memory, something familiar. He'd watched your graceless fumble as well as your rebound without really reacting much beyond observation, too busy trying to organize his own slowly waking thoughts to go further.

    ...Was he home? Where was this? He'd been somewhere else, right? This felt different, it looked different, there was no pink everywhere, no cat.. It felt familiar. Looked familiar. So did the person falling.

    Falling?

    Fuck, falling.

    You were wide eyed and nearly to the floor when the hand extended your direction, and without a second thought you reached up to grab it. Foolish really, trying to grab the hand of a ghost. There was nothing there to really grab, nothing to hold on to or to use to stop the inevitable crash to the ground, but what could you say? When falling the urge to grab a hand was instinctive. Your hand felt like it was numb with cold before it suddenly surged hot, heat racing up your arm and down your spine, making your head swim. You were aware you were changing position and of the world changing place around you, but kept bracing for the impact on the back of your head.

    It never came.

    You felt pressure on your elbows, forearms, and good knee instead. The brunt of the impact was taken in your healthy limbs, injured leg awkwardly elevated and hovering an inch or two above the ground before slowly lowering down.

    ...Wow. That was pretty cool! You'd never even thought of turning like that, it was kind of like a stunt man's moves or something out of a movie. Most importantly, however, you hadn't bashed the back of your head in like a total idiot who'd tried to hug a ghost! Just needed to get up then.

    …

    Just. Needed to get up.

    …

    Preferably with the moving and the getting up actions actually happening instead of just waiting. You tried again, but failed to move out of the weight bearing stance that had successfully broken your fall. Nothing felt heavy or really out of place. More like it felt like your joints were a glimpse of what life was like as the Tin Man after being left out in the rain too long, immobilized. You could feel your glasses starting to slide off your nose towards the ground but couldn't catch and readjust them. They slowly slipped bit by bit off your face before thumping to the ground, leaving your vision blurry and soft.

    ...John?

    “Dave?”

    Well, at least talking was happening. You were grateful your mouth could move, but the talking wasn't very soothing in the face of suddenly being an immobilized statue on the floor.

    “Dave, did. ..Wait, Dave, you're talking now! Where are you at, I can hear you really clearly now!” you realized, voice raising in pitch a bit as the excitement built. Shit, it'd been way too long since you last heard his voice, you hadn't really realized how great it would be to hear him again.

    JOHN

    “Yes, I can hear you! Dave, come down where I can see you, I can't move, I can't see shit at all.”

    ...Wait.

    “...Dave are you why I can't move. Where are you at. I can't see shit,” you repeated, “let me see where you are.”

    John John John John John John John

    “Dave, I'm happy to hear you too but like. Seriously, did you do this?” Had to be. In hindsight there was no way you'd be able to do a cool mid-movement flip like that to avoid damaging yourself in a fall. You were not nearly that coordinated. You felt warmth blossom in your chest and down your spine again, down either leg. You could wiggle your toes for a moment before the statue effect was in place once more.

    JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN HOME JOHN HOME SAFE JOHN HOME

    “Dave. Dave. Let me stand up! I'm gonna get a cramp! Do whatever you were doing a second ago, I could kinda move for a moment there! You can talk and yell at me all you want but just. Can we go to the bed again? I don't want my leg to hurt.”

    The excited thrumming focused in your chest like a steady bouncing, or like one of those wacky weasel toys that wiggled the ferret on the motorized ball in random directions. You could still hear his voice as if it were getting further and further away before realizing the warmth was focusing centrally before trying to expand outward to each limb at the same time. This was very different from the experience at the aquarium but.. it wasn't bad by any stretch of the imagination. It was kind of comforting actually, especially once you started to realize where things were and could hone in on where Dave was. It had forced you to stop acting automatically and to instead focus inwards at an acute angle that got rid of the borders around your body and the world around you.

    Once again, your body housed two hearts for even a brief moment and you couldn't quite explain just how complete it actually made you feel compared to normal. Not too full but comfortable. Safer. ...Were you missing something, to feel this way? Or was it just a sign of you having a better capacity to work with others?

    Or was it just Dave?

    The warmth ran all the way to your fingertips, coursing through your veins and muscles till you could feel your arms wobble and then go limp. You face planted solidly against your glasses, mashing your nose into the frames hard enough that for a second you were scared you'd break them, pushing back up onto your hands with a sharp gasp. Okay. There was the movement again, but the warmth wasn't dissipating. You could still feel it in your chest, bouncing from side to side and up and down, spinning in circles as your own name was chanted in your ears excitedly.

    JOHN John John JOHN home safe homehomehomesafejohn JOHN SAFE HOME JOHN JOHN JOHNJOHNJOHN!

    You pushed upright to sit flat on your ass and picked up your glasses, taking a moment to rub them clean with the bottom edge of your shirt before putting them back into place. The room returned to crisp, clear outlines and familiar shapes. The pendant was all but burning at your neck, and you realized your lips were curled into a smile that was broad enough it made your cheeks hurt. You were.. happy. Absolutely happy. Whatever had happened between you and Dave, it had fixed the problem before it truly could get started and restored the world to its rightful state of reunion. This was what you'd missed last night when your worry hung in your mind as tangible as spoiled milk.

    “I missed you, Dave,” you whispered, and hugged yourself as tightly as you could. The warmth stopped bouncing around to hold perfectly still for a moment before surging into both of your arms. You realized you couldn't move them again, both hands locked firmly to your upper arms before they began to make rubbing motions, not quite numb but not quite usable. You may have hugged yourself, but you didn't exactly expect 'yourself' to hug you back.

    “Could you feel that too, Dave? Is that why you're doing this?”

    This was unexplored territory, and held plenty of implications you were sure, but in the moment you didn't give a fuck. That fulfilled sensation, the warmth, the foreign feeling of your own hands on your arms that steadily trailed up towards your throat and then your own face as if they were the hands of another? All of it was new and all of it was just memories for the making and taking. You were getting to hug Dave in a flesh and blood way, even if it were only for the moment, and nothing could ever take that away from you. Nobody could claim it was impossible.

    ... John..

    Were you. ..Were you crying? You weren't crying, were you? You were. You could feel hot trails on your face that cooled quickly, and the warmth in your chest was soon joined by a clenching that released in a huffed sob. It was relief, you told yourself. The full relief of everything being okay and returning to normal, of nothing being wrong finally, of questions being answered and of that all but overwhelming sensation of not being alone anymore in your own skin.

    Your right hand lifted to rub your nose as you snorted in an ungainly way to clear your nose. Your left hand, outside of your control, carefully rubbed some of the water from your eyes with its fingertips.

    ...Don't cry...

    “Don't tell me what to do,” you snuffed. “I'll cry if I feel like it, do you have any idea how scared I was that you were gone forever? And then I get you back and you-! And. And you acted like you weren't really there even when you were in front of me and now everything's just. Everything's okay! Everything's okay now!”

    ...Still crying...

    “Shut up and let me have this,” you mumbled. Though the one hand stayed near your face, the arm you were able to move went to hug tight around your rib cage again, trying to hold everything together in case it somehow fell apart or flew away to the breeze. “Let me have this.. Let me have you,” you murmured.

    The tension in your chest lifted and the warmth returned to your limbs, trying to spread to all four at once before it ricocheted around your rib cage again and went straight to your head. You didn't mind the dizziness or the slight ring in your ears, so long as you got to hug it out just a little bit longer.

    “Stay with me like this. Even just a while longer, Dave. ..Please.”

    The warmth stayed, solid and still as stone. You had a feeling it wouldn't be going anywhere any time soon and were grateful. You'd tell the good news to everyone else soon enough. For the time being, though, this happiness was all yours.

[roxannc]

❝ Girls like her were born in a storm. They have lightning in their souls. Thunder in their hearts. And chaos in their bones. ❞ AISHA DEE? No, that’s actually ROXANNE WEASLEY. A SIXTH YEAR student, this RAVENCLAW student is sided with MCGONAGALL’S ARMY. SHE identifies as CIS-WOMAN and is a HALFBLOOD who is known to be DRAMATIC, HAUGHTY, and TEMPERAMENTAL but also PASSIONATE, SOCIABLE, and OPENMINDED.

LINKS: stats, pinboard, character tag. CHARACTER PARALLELS: donna pinciotti (that 70s show), amy pond (doctor who), amy santiago (brooklyn 99), dan wilds (aftg) HELLO just a quick note from me mar, some of this is for sure up for change, mostly regarding the wotters and family in general!! besides that, here we finally Go

history

roxanne voice: i was born in an iconic family because it was my destiny to be iconic! but --- in all honesty --- she is right. roxanne is born to george & angelina one hot summer morning, waking up the whole damn hospital with her crying and huge lungs. she has a brother --- fred, who’s officially her half brother, but that’s not something that makes him anything less than her brother. and then there’s heaps of cousins, almost too many of them, and uncles and aunts and other people to call family, and from day one, it’s all good.

roxanne was a chaotic kid, growing up. a cheerful and energetic and exciting one, but a chaotic one. dirty walls and destruction followed her wherever she went. a bit of a hurricane of a girl, even then. roxanne discovered her love for quidditch at a young age, too, and how couldn’t she? it was in her blood and all around her and there was something bloody magical about flying.

a love for people and laughter and loving people was also discovered. roxanne grew up in a warm environment and had plenty of reasons to love the people she loved, even if she needed none. there was, of course, tragedy in her blood too, an awareness that there’s horrible things in this world --- an awareness that she buried as soon as she was able to.

upon arrival at hogwarts, the hat took a while to decide between gryffindor and ravenclaw but went with the latter, in the end. was roxanne disappointed? a bit, maybe. she would have liked to be sorted into the same house as her parents and brother and a lot of her family but the hat had made some solid points and heck, she wouldnt be roxanne if she looked at ravenclaw as a challenge.

was eventually sorted in ravenclaw because her mind, in the end, is her motivator. she might be a very physically active and present person, but she thinks. a lot. about everything. ( with an exception for moments where she acts on impulse. ) roxanne is a very bright individual, to be honest --- she’s able to be booksmart and she likes learning. she likes challenging herself. above all, she just has a Very open mind and is always looking to broaden it.

is a whirlwind. roxanne joined and dropped clubs like no other, switched favourite subject every month, delved into odd sections of the library to become an expert on rare subjects ... it was a lot. her grades suffered under it, too --- roxanne might be a loyal person, but she’s damn flighty. there were, of course, passions that she stuck with. quidditch, of course, but also justice. roxanne, as a queer woman of colour, has always felt very passionately for human rights issues and knows shit about it too. always down for a debate over lunch. getting on the quidditch team was one of the best days of her damn life. getting the quidditch badge later on was an even better day. roxanne loves the sport so much, wants to go pro once she’s graduated, is crazy competitive. she’s a gay jock. another cliché character by mar learned eventually how to focus and keep her grades up, but she does have trouble motivating herself for things that dont interest her. she’s just not an academic. she likes learning, loves it actually --- but hates the way she has to do it at school. hates it. she’s still working hard to get good grades, of course, because she gets that that’s part of life but she just really... wishes it wasnt. [ death, murder tw  so life was going pretty good and then her uncle was murdered and everything went to shit like that. and--- here’s roxanne’s question: how in the living hell do you deal with that? she doesn’t know, that’s for sure. she knows that she’s angry. that she’s absolutely livid and not sure what to do with the grief in her chest because damn it, that’s not her thing, not at all. she’s sickened with worry. she mostly is enraged at the world and that this is happening and that people can be like this. end of tw ]

so joining the DA was something roxanne didn’t even think about. she just did it. her studies, once again, have taken a backseat while she pushes all her energy into the DA and the team, as that functions as something ... as close as therapeutic as she can get, i suppose. leading her team, searching that snitch, hoping to win, win, win --- all things that in the grand scheme of things dont matter but do make it easier to deal.

roxanne ... she’s a lot. she’s a fucking lot. she’s a mess. 

personality & rambling

roxanne does NOTHING half heartedly; she either commits fully or doesn’t do something at all. she doesn’t do half-assing, doesn’t believe in it — this got her in a fair amount of trouble at hogwarts (handing in 10/10 homework or ,,, not doing it or barely doing it) and she knows it’s a bad attitude to have, deep down. not that she’s admitted that to herself yet, though. things have been put in perspective now, though. it’s clear that there’s no room for just doing what she wants to do and what she feels like, so she’s ... improving ( and yet completely abandoning her studies lmao )

when roxanne is passionate about something, she goes on about it for a long time. loves ranting about topics that drive her, is very vocal of her views and thoughts and hardly shuts up about it. can be condescending, at times; roxanne believes she’s always right, has little humility to her — she often doesn’t try to put herself in other people’s shoes, thinks that anyone who disagrees is simply wrong. it’s a thinking pattern she’s trying to shake, but alas; it’s easier said than done.

this is also a way for her to cope with her insecurities, tbh; she puts others down in her head so she can lift herself up. unhealthy!!! yikes! it’s something she’s pretty unaware of.

i mean, roxanne is, deep down, very fucking insecure. she has this surname that’s got a bit of fame to it and she has such high ideals for everyone around her including herself. especially for herself. her confidence is not completely feigned, i think part of it is definitely real, but part of it is definitely a mask

roxanne LOVES music. she’s into everything that either is a jam, old classic rock or has a damn good message. she’s v passionate abt it. her spotify? gold. she’s also a good singer! this video is literally roxanne im sorry aisha dee move over! honestly if she had mroe time she would try and get into music bc she would love that but yeno quidditch is the name of the game (someone show her hsm and show her that u can do both)

she’s so competitive someone please stop her from fighting everyone over quidditch

uh she’s just very... much. she’s outgoing and loud and dramatic and her emotions are like! all over the place! and change very easily! she thinks she’s a lot herself too tbh she’s constantly exhausted from herself which i think is valid and relatable on a personal lvl for me. 

possible plots

friendos roxanne loves ppl and loving ppl so let’s go and have some FRIENDS up in this building. couldve met through family things, in the library, on the pitch, in dueling club, in any other club that roxanne was in for a short amount of time, etc etc etc. roxanne is fairly easy to place at hogwarts bc she’s everywhere

quidditch competition just give me all the plots if you have a fellow quidditch pal because roxanne is ready to fight to the death for that cup!!

dumbledore’s army bros people that roxanne got to know better through the da would be v interesting because it’s a ??? weird base for a friendship or dynamic ( i mean, a tough one. like ... we’re buds because we’re fighting for a cause whihc we shouldnt even be fighting for bc the world shouldnt be like this )

idk roxanne is literally so all over the place, if your character is at hogwarts im sure we can plot something??? enemies, shenanigan pals, exes, study buddies, etc etc etc