#donna Berzatto ghost

[unladyboss]

No ACCIDENT

It's no accident that this shot looks so ghostly

[currymanganese]

Anyone compared Nat asking Donna if she was okay, to Syd asking Carmy if he was okay, and Donna and Carmy's contrasting responses yet?

Nat asking Donna if she was okay preceded her complete unravelling at the dinner table in Fishes, despite her insistence that she was okay....However, when Syd asked Carmy if he was okay in the finale, he answered no, before proceeding to have a meltdown when she could not be there to reassure him, because she had to step away to handle service....

*Nat asks Donna if she's okay*

Donna: 😡🤬🤬🤬🤬👹 🏡+🚗 = 🏚

*Syd asks Carmy if he's okay*

Carmy: No! 😡

*Syd goes to pick up his slack*

Carmy: 🤢 Marcus get me the fuck outta here! Syd! Marcus, get me Syd! Get Syd! 🤬 Get fucking Syd, get fucking Syd! 😱

[thebearer]

Carm really doesn’t want to screw up his and reader’s first Christmas together

"Hey, Carm, I was looking at the books, and did you know you have to- What the fuck is that?" Sugar stopped, skidding to a halt looking at the infamous teal bag on Carmen's desk.

"Hey, uh... It's Christmas comin' up, and-and I'm tryin' to rewrap this for-"

"Jesus, Carm." Sugar scoffed, shaking her head. "That's... Are you proposing?"

"What? No. No, no, I-I'm not- Why does it look? You think she'll think I'm-"

"-Yeah, Carmen. You've been together maybe five months? And you bust out Tiffany on Christmas? Yeah, I think she might think it's a ring." Sugar rolled her eyes.

"Fuck," Carmen threaded his hand through his hair. "No, I-I just wanted to get somethin' nice, ya know? Somethin' good for our first Christmas..." He muttered, face flushing in embarrassment. It was still new to him- this. You. Telling people about you. Being with you. Not keeping things so private and protective, scared to have his family or anyone know about this side of him and ruin it.

Sugar's face softened. "What'd you get her anyways?" She hummed, looking at the neatly tied box.

Carmen tapped his finger on the box, a ghost of a smile on his lips. "I got her a necklace with, uh, with little round thing, ya know? And I-I got a 'C' engraved on it."

"A 'C'?" Sugar raised her brows in amusement.

"Yeah, it was, fuck, it was Richie's idea. Somethin' about Taylor Swift and a song. He said she'd like it. Do you-Do you think she will? Or should I- I should probably get somethin' else too, fuck."

"Carmen," Sugar said softly, biting back a laugh. "I think she'll love that."

"Yeah?" Carmen hesitated, rolling his lip around while he looked from the box back at her.

"Yeah. It's a really nice gift." Sugar snorted lightly. "I would be happy to get it, and I'm not even a huge Taylor Swift fan."

Carmen nodded, looking down at the box. He hoped you'd love it. Hoped you wear it.

"Are you bringing her to Christmas?" Sugar asked lightly. "Think she's ready for that?"

"Fuck no." Carmen shook his head. "No, I-I don't think I'm ready for that." Sugar laughed in agreement. "I haven't... I haven't even told Ma."

Sugar nodded slowly. "Yeah, I... I get it." She offered. "I could tell her if you-"

"-No, Sugar." Carmen said firmly, running a hand down his face. "Just... Just let me get through this first one without all that bullshit. I just... it's the first one and I don't..." Carmen didn't say it but Sugar heard him.

She knew Carmen wanted to shield you from Donna, from the chaos that was his family. He wanted to keep you around. Sugar's heart swelled at the thought. The thought of her baby brother having someone permanent.

Carmen did bring you to her New Years Eve party. A small get together (well, as small as a Berzatto one could be) with no Donna. Just the cousins, friends, and others celebrating and ringing in the New Year. She was happy to see the necklace on your neck, the engraving shimmering in the low light of the room.

[blckbarbiedoll]

Ghost Of You (M.B.)-Chapter 1

Just Trust Me, You'll Be Fine

2005-Chicago, Illinois

The warm spring air was kissing Angie's brown skin. Under different circumstances, she would've taken the time to soak it in. 

"Don't even think about coming back until you've reapplied!" Her father yelled from the front porch. He slammed the door and quickly locked it.

"Shit." Her mind raced trying to think of what to do next. Tears were staining her shirt as they fell from her face. As she put her bags in the trunk, she pulled out her phone and called the one person who could help.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Nat."

"Hey. Are you crying?"

"No." She sniffled. "Yeah."

"What's wrong?"

"Do you think your mom would mind if I stayed with you guys for a few days?"

"Probably not. Why?"

"My dad kicked me out."

"Holy shit. Like for real?"

"He took my fucking key, so yeah."

"Oh my god, Ange. Of course you can come over. I'll talk to Mom."

"Thank you, Nat. Seriously. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Be homeless, probably."

Even in the situation she was in, Nat still made her laugh.

"I'll see you soon."

🤍

'Knock knock'

"Oh, Angelina!" Donna exclaimed as she opened the door.

"Hi, Donna. I hope this is okay."

"More than okay! You're family!" She pulled Angie into a tight embrace and kissed her cheeks.

"Thank you. I won't be here long."

"You can stay as long as you want, honey."

"I really appreciate it."

"Of course. Sugar just stepped out to get some snacks for you two. Do you need help with your bags?"

"I think I'm okay-"

"Michael!" She yelled into the house. "Get down here!"

"That's really okay. I can handle it."

"It's no trouble for him. Seriously."

The dark haired man came down the stairs and gave her a soft smirk. "Hey, Ange." He placed a cigarette between his lips and took a long drag.

"Hey." She smiled.

Mikey Berzatto was the kind of man who got whatever he wanted. He was confident, funny, and handsome as hell. Which is why Angie had such a hard time focusing whenever he was in the same room as her. Throughout the course of her friendship with Natalie, Angie had a crush on her brother for most of it. And he wasn't like the typical older brother. He was nice to her. She would even go as far as to call him her friend. The problem wasn't even that he was her best friend's brother. It was that she was twenty and he was twenty-five.

"Michael, be a dear and help Angie with her bags."

He nodded and put the cigarette out. "Bags? You staying?" He followed her to her car.

"Uh, yeah. My dad sort of...kicked me out."

"Shit. You okay?"

"I guess." She opened the trunk and grabbed the lighter bags. "Aren't you gonna ask what I did?"

"You want me to ask?"

"I dropped out of college."

"What? Why?"

"Because, I don't wanna be a fucking lawyer."

"Well, what do you wanna do?"

She followed him up the stairs to Nat's room. They both set the bags down on the floor and sat on the bed. "Can I be honest?"

"Of course."

"I have no idea what I wanna do."

"That's okay. You're still young."

She rolled her eyes and leaned back on her elbows. "I'm not that young." Ever since she turned eighteen two years ago, Angie had been trying and failing to convince Mikey she wasn't a little kid anymore.

"Fine. You're not that young. But, you're still young. You've got time to decide."

"Shouldn't you be working?"

"I had to take care of some bills. Richie's running the place for me."

"Uh oh."

"Tell me about it."

They heard footsteps approaching the room. The blonde walked through the doorway and grinned. She dropped the bag of snacks on the bed and leaned down to hug her friend.

"Death grip much?" Angie laughed.

"Sorry." She sat next to them on the bed. "I'm just so glad you're here. I'm not happy that you got kicked out, obviously."

"I know. I'd rather be here than home anyway."

"I gotta get back to some paperwork." Mikey headed towards the door. "But I'll catch you later, Ange."

"Bye."

He winked before walking out and closing the door behind him.

"I'm gonna barf." Nat groaned.

"Why?"

"You and Mikey. It's so sweet that it makes me sick."

"What?"

"The girl falling for her best friend's brother. It's a classic."

"Well, that's definitely not what's happening."

"Yeah it is."

"On my side maybe. He still thinks I'm a kid."

"Can you blame him? He's old."

"He is not."

"If you two get married, you'll be changing his diapers."

"Can you not?"

"Fine. But seriously, you guys would be so cute."

"Don't get your hopes up. It's never gonna happen."

"Hey." She rested her hand on hers. "How about we have a movie night?"

"Can I pick?"

"As long as it's The Notebook."

"Duh."

[whenmemorydies]

My meta/commentary shortcuts*

*putting all of this in one spot so its easier for me to find shit. feel free to like/reblog if this is helpful for you too. posts are in reverse chronological order by tv show/film.

The Bear (TV) - writings

You love taking care of people: Fine Dining in the Time of Late Stage Capitalism

How the fine dining industry helped create season 3 Chef Carmy and how it’s on its way out.

Carmen, Natalie, and the Berzattos

A closer look, through the lens of intergenerational trauma, at the Berzattos and their impact on Carmy in season 3.

The Claw, The Scrunchie and The Prayer Card: Part 2 (Timing)

A deduction as to why we see the hair claw in 3x01 and not in 3x09 with the scrunchie and prayer card in Carmy's apartment.

Breakdown of a racist microaggression in Ice Chips 3x08

Analysis of one of the more uncomfortable moments during Natalie's labour. Includes @vacationship's reblog with excellent meta re: Donna's POV.

See this? Carmy trying that shit with Tina

In which Carmy reverts from ally to a regret.

Reply to @mitocamdria on Sublimation and Shame

Theorising on sources of Carmy's shame.

The Claw, The Scrunchie and The Prayer Card

Carmy's mementos as breadcrumbs back to his loves.

This needs to get good or go away.

Trauma-informed analysis of 1x07 The Review in light of seasons 1-3 of The Bear.

The things you learn...

Where Sydney learns some things about her spouse platonic business partner while dining with him.

Reply to @vacationship on Christopher Storer's cameo(s)

Storer makes an appearance in 3x06 Napkins but has he shown up at other times as well?

The legerdemain of racism: demands for season 4 of The Bear

Can The Bear rise to the challenge put forward by Toni Morrison?

Mikey's ghost and Claire as a reverse-engineered haunt

Reblog thread discussing the concept of "the haunt" in season 3 and how it likely relates to Claire - with @vacationship, @thoughtfulchaos773, @espumado, @kdbleu

Claire Dunlap = Clear [as] Mud

Reblog thread discussing the meaning behind Claire's name - with @currymanganese, @vacationship, @moodyeucalyptus, @ago0112

Richie and the viewer

Querying some 4th wall breaking by Tiff and Richie. With analysis in reblog by @currymanganese of Richie as Chris Storer's author avatar in the show.

Alone

Analysis of the use and editing of "Together" by Nine Inch Nails in 3x01 Tomorrow to convey elements of Carmy's trauma response.

Ancestors and The Bear

Analysis of culinary ancestry and legacy as they relate to Carm and Syd.

3x01 Tomorrow

Brief look at how the first episode of season 3 has been crafted through the lens of a traumatic episode. Also a remembering of my Ammamma.

Liveblog of my first watch of Season 3

Or don’t binge season 3 whilst in a feverish fugue state.

Lessons from a mentor: every second counts

Analysis of the parallels between Chef Terry and Sydney and what "every second counts" means to various characters in The Bear.

90s alternative rock, masculinity and The Bear

Analysis of the use of 90s alternative rock, including grunge, in The Bear's soundtrack, and its use to further the show's take up of masculinity.

3x06 Napkins

Predictions for the sixth episode of season 3. CW: discussion of suicide and suicidal ideation as it relates to Mikey; also contains discussion of the 'Napkins' scene in 1x08 Braciole and how its 2nd out of my top 3 tender scenes in The Bear.

2x06 Fishes (Copenhagen/Pantry scene)

Analysis of the Copenhagen/Pantry scene in 2x06 Fishes between Carmy and Mikey/ 3rd out of my top 3 tender scenes in The Bear.

Quit? And where you gonna go Ritchie?

Short analysis of Richie and Tina's relationship.

Reply to @sydcarmyfan on the story between Syd and Carm's clothes.

I mend clothes in my spare time and so does Syd.

2x09 Bolognese and Richie’s apology to Nat

Short analysis of Richie and Nat's relationship, based on a personal theory that Richie and Nat previously dated.

Reply to @hwere on if Syd was a white character

I wouldn't be watching the show, lmao.

Reply to @mod-doodles on what will happen when Syd finally lets her guard down with Carmen

Lucky ass man is not now nor will he ever be ready lol

Reply to @yannaryartside on gaslighting showrunners (lol)

The maths is mathing and all signs point to Sydcarmy endgame

Sydney is Carmen's best friend

Analysis of 2x03 Sundae and when Carm tells us that Syd is his best friend.

1x03 Brigade alley scene as a balm

A balm for the anxiety I felt when Season 3's episode list was released LOL.

Reply to @thoughtfulchaos773 on 1x03 Brigade alley scene

Thoughts on why the alley scene in 1x03 Brigade is my favourite Sydcarmy scene in The Bear (thus far).

Preliminary thoughts on The Bear, race, power and privilege

Analysis of The Bear and its approach to the white gaze (hint: idgaf about it), power and privilege.

The Bear (TV) - image-based meta/snark

Blood ties and lineage

Charting the creative journey of an ingredient and a dish through Carmy and Syd's culinary ancestry.

Offerings

Love is a language and language is nothing if not pattern recognition. A look at Carmy's patterns.

Warm/Cold Light

Just gifs to make an unsubtle point (re: Sydcarmy & Clairmy)

Lunch or Dinner

Lyric/GIF set to Lunch or Dinner by Sunshine Anderson

Wet T-shirt Contest (Bridgerton vs The Bear edition)

Some of us get lakes in a garden, some of us get the Fak-ed toilet.

You're the most excellent CDC at the most ex...cel...le....

A journey to the end of Sydney's hero worship.

Coming Back

Lyric/GIF set to Coming Back by James Blake feat. SZA

Head Tilt (The Bear vs Bridgerton edition)

Sydney, don't do anything Anthony wouldn't do!

Syd and Carm making eye contact

Thats it.

Under the Bridge (TV)

Reply to @cairhienin on Under the Bridge and the actual murder of Reena Virk

Discussion of Reena Virk's murder and the absence of race in analysis of the case, then and now.

Monkey Man (Film)

Violence and Love in Monkey Man

Analysis of Monkey Man in the context of state violence and resistance. CW for mention of rape, murder and forced displacement.

Immediate reaction to Monkey Man

My immediate thoughts after watching Monkey Man in cinema.

[altschmerzes]

Hello! I would love to know more about 'The Ghosts are On the Porch' (Ted Lasso) and 'The Wild Dogs are Hungry' (The Bear)

which put together sound like the stanza of a poem :D

SO 'the ghosts are on the porch' is the name i gave to the zipties nightmare fic! aka my bad things happen bingo fill for 'zipties' which i described briefly here. some further information now includes that a prominent feature of this fic is jamie being like. why would i tell anyone what happened here there's no point. nothing even happened. my wrists are a little fucked up and i've got a few bruises but i'm otherwise unharmed. i've been hurt worse falling during a match. cue him needing it outlined very clearly that like. you were like. kidnapped actually. that was incredibly fucked up and of course you aren't okay. ft. this summary of his attitude in this fic from a discord message:

buddy bikes to training because he can't stand to get in the car and has a panic attack when he tries. he wears long sleeves to hide the damage and ignores it until someone sees and the cat's out of the bag. and then we get to explain to jamie that bad things that happen to him ARE bad actually and he's not being a whiny baby.

'the wild dogs are hungry' is, in short, about natalie and richie planning michael's funeral.

i think a lot about how it had to have been the two of them. how there is no way donna was... in a state to be involved in that and carmy was in new york and didn't come and like. who else could it have been. it had to be them. and the like... strange bedfellows effect of 'you're the only person i have to do this with' and how that would've been for both of them to like. only really have each other to lean on in that process, because their relationship was rocky prior to richie's transformative forks experience lmao.

there's a specific scene i have in mind where like. donna is at natalie's house, where she and richie have been working on getting things together, and things sort of. go badly. and she gets... the way she is. and it's too much to handle and donna makes natalie cry, to which richie actually kicks donna out of the house which is. it's a lot. it's a lot for richie to like... do that. in the moment. because this is his best friend's ma, his very recently dead best friend's ma, and someone he owes more than he will ever be able to repay, and kicking her out in this situation feels like anathema to everything in him but also. she cannot be doing this to nat right now. and the scales of Which Berzatto Needs Me The Most Right Now tips in natalie's favour and he steps in to handle it.

and it's obviously a lot for natalie too which is like... this is one of the worst days of her life, easily, and she's got this person she does not like in her house standing up and protecting her from her mom and helping her plan her brother's funeral and like. at this point it's very she doesn't like richie but she loves him, y'know. he's family. and she needs him. they need each other. sometimes all you got is This Specific Person and so you stick together and you do what you need to do because you lost someone you loved and everything fucking sucks and you want to scream and your husband didn't grow up in your fucked up nightmare of a family and you love him but he doesn't get this shit and he's trying to help but you kind of can't stand talking to him about this right now but you can't do it alone either. so here's this asshole. this asshole you grew up with. you lost your brother. he lost your brother too.

[boo8008]

Three Months - Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Fem!Reader Chapter 01: Quadriller

Prologue | Chapter 01: Quadriller | Chapter 02: Mince

Series Summery: Its been one year since The Bear's soft open, and with everything running smoothly, Carmen's lost in his thoughts, until the final table of the night is seated.

Warnings: angst | fluff | ghosting mention | mentions of suicide | language | mental health | pining | unrequited love????? | substances (alc & weed) | overdose | yelling | grief | descriptions of panic attacks | eventual smut | new writer trying to write good

Chapter Summery: Carmen arrives in New York, happy to get away from the disaster of one Berzatto Family Christmas. You and carmen however both seem to be too nervous to talk to each other…for now. 

Quadriller (v.) to make criss-cross lines on the surface of food, as part of food presentation

Word Count: 2,821

My Notes bb: I’m sorry its so late tonight but I kept going down rabbit holes on information about actual food journalism and I also noticed I have a habit of explaining a lot and putting in random details that I think are important or cool but again this is my first Fanfiction I'm actually sharing so feedback is welcome. I will tell you now that nothing much happens this chapter save for reader and Carmy being introduced, but I do have a plan on that front its just again I'm overthinking stuff lol. Anyways I hope you all enjoy!

2019 (January) 

Carmen:

It was peaceful in the kitchen as Donna cooked over the stove, flipping pancakes and frying bacon as she smoked. Carmen, Natalie, and Mikey were sitting at the table as they all joked and talked about something or another. Donna placed the food on the table and they all dug in, each getting a small stack of pancakes and some bacon. Carmen was looking up at Mikey as he poured the syrup, laughing at whatever he was saying. 

As he looked down he was confused, written in syrup, “Fuck You Carmen” was on top of the pancakes. 

Carmen looked up feeling panicked, only to see the fork stuck atop the plate of cannoli. He looked around to see the far end of the table flipped over and a car that had crashed through the front room. Mikey was yelling at his mom and a horn was blaring, not loud enough to cover the infinite sounds of a million timers going off behind him, along with a smoke alarm. When he turned around to make them stop all he saw was black billowing smoke coming from the kitchen. 

Carmen jumped back to reality as the stewardess lightly shook him. Almost as soon as the plane lifted off the tarmac at Chicago O’Hare International Airport he was out like a light. He spent every second sense Christmas Eve beyond stressed and anxious. He was thankful Michelle and Stevie had agreed to let him come stay with them in New York after the new year. 

He hoped they hadn't changed their mind as he crossed into the baggage claim area, only to be greeted by Michelle and Stevie, who was holding a sign saying “BEAR-zatto” with a poorly done drawing of what Carmen thinks is a bear. He chuckled at the gaudy neon pink and glittery sign, happy they went so far as to let him come, let alone pick him up and make a sign.

“Oh there he is, Carmen!” Michelle called, waving him over after finally seeing him. “We were starting to think you bailed on us. How are you? How was your flight? Everything go okay?” She asked, now hugging him before pulling back to look at his face.

“Good, yea, fine, the flight was-the flight was good I slept through most of it,” Carmen said, still hazy with sleep as he rubbed the side of his face. 

“Glad to hear it! Beats our flight back. It felt like it was just crying babies and turbulence; couldn't sleep once,” Stevie chimed in, pulling Carm into an awkward side hug thanks to the just-barely-too-big-to-be-comfortable sign and Carmen’s duffle bag and backpack. An affirmative ‘hm’ was all Carmen could manage, unsure how to respond. Lucky for him, Michelle loves to talk and knew how to keep the conversation going.

“So which of these bags is yours?” she asked as the carousel began spinning and (somewhat violently) ejecting bags. “And how do you like your sign? Stevie’s friend made it; she's kinda like his family's Richie but a bit more-”

“Normal?” Stevie finished. 

“Exactly, yea, she thinks of that type of shit a lot,” Michelle continued. “She thought it would be a cute thing I guess, said something about how helpful it would be to find us sense we’d stick out and more welcoming than that one.” She gestured in the direction Carmy came from, where he passed a sign with standard corporate text that read ‘WELCOME TO NEW YORK’ and a flat drawing of the city. 

Carm was only half listening as Michelle raved on about how the girl did cutesy homemade things all the time and began to ponder why with Stevie, the two knowing the chatter didn’t really interest Carmy as more than background noise. He was on the lookout for his bag which held his prized knifes and chefs whites, just about everything else fit in his beat up duffle and backpack. He would have preferred to keep them with him at all times in an airport just to know they didn't get ruined or damaged in anyway during their transport. But he could also understand why the TSA would say to not bring knifes on a crowded, compact tube that floats in the sky. As soon as he spotted the black metallic cased bag carmen stepped and forward and grabbed it, checking the lock on the side as he stood next to his cousin. 

“Jesus Carmen what do you have in there, fucking launch codes?” Michelle asked, seeing the overprotective suitcase. 

“My knifes,” was all Carmen mumbled in response hoping it would do. Michelle just shook her head while Stevie nodded, both in disbelief at how weird he was about his tools.

“Anyways, as I was saying,” Michelle began, turning to lead the trio out to their car. “She's nice, and she's making us dinner tonight so don't be a dick. She's not a chef but god damn does she make a good baked chicken parm.”

You: 

Waking up already today felt nervous. You only had work and dinner with Stevie and Michelle and whoever-the-fuck that you couldn’t remember the name of right now but the thought of work was mixing with it. Having to meet new people was one thing that you saw as dreadful and anxiety inducing; who else could you need to talk to outside of work besides Stevie and Michelle? And having to schedule and deal with interviews with busy high end chefs was another thing. A thing where the problem mostly came when you tried to get things explained in simpler terms than the hoity-toity French or Italian words they chose. Sure you knew what quadriller was but not everyone knew what it meant. 

You could understand where they were coming from though in some cases. Mainly the Michelin star worthy ones who put so much pressure on themselves and the chefs under them to deliver perfection for an expensive dish made with the best ingredients. From what you could tell they mainly did it for the people that truly and deeply loved and enjoyed food and would save up to eat at such high end restaurants. It all led to them feeling drained at the end of the day, when the last thing they wanted to do was to explain something they knew so well they’d forgotten it was a name for something. 

Luckily today all you had to do was schedule and write a few more paragraphs on your Top Food Trends of 2018 article for your editor to see. You were still working on it and it needed a better name but that wasn't a priority right now, it was mainly getting the bulk of it done and written in words that were more than bullet points and shortened words. And you got off early enough that you had time to run home and hop through the shower before headed to the grocery store on your way to Stevie and Michelle’s. It was the first meal for the new year of your bi-weekly dinners and you knew they probably didn't have much to cook with sense getting back from their Chicago Christmas Trip. Normally Michelle would have stories about someone named Donna doing something crazy and while it was a little funny, when you gave it a seconds thought it made you sad for her family and her that she ended up the way she did. It was something you gotten drunk and emotional talking about with her and she could see your point but that's as much as you could remember of that conversation, besides asking her what the fuck seven fishes had to do with Christmas. 

You picked up all the ingredients you would need for chicken parmesan, garlic bread and a tub of gelato, Michelle always had some wine that would go perfectly with whatever pasta so you didn't worry about that. Hopefully the sign you made had gotten Michelle’s cousin’s attention and gotten them out of the airport in a timely manner before traffic hit so you could get a start on dinner as soon as you got there. They had given you a key a year ago so you could get in and start on dinner on days when they were running late, which was often, but you didn't mind as long as you got your fill on non-work related human interaction for the next two weeks. 

As you brought in your load of groceries, you saw you were right as far as the low-stocked kitchen. You connected to their bluetooth speakers and started a podcast you'd been meaning to catch up on and got to work. You'd comment on some parts to yourself and got lost in thought on the topic they were discussing and in no time you were putting almost everything in the oven, the bread could wait until 8 minuets before so it was al ready at the same time and the gelato was already in the freezer. 

It all seemed perfectly timed as your podcast ended and you were about to start another episode as you heard the front door open.

“God it smells so good!” you could hear Michelle call from the front door. You heard Stevie talking to someone and the sound of suitcase wheels and baggage moving through the front door. Michelle rounded the corner still in her coat and pulled you into a hug. “How are you? How was your week?”

“Fine, not a lot happening in the office so…” you trailed off as you hugged her back. “Got off early enough to shower before I got here.” She pulled back, finally taking off her coat as she headed towards the wine cabinet and Stevie rounded the corner with a beat up duffle bag slung over his shoulder and the neon pink sign you made. 

“Hey,” he greeted happily, followed by your name and as best a wave he could manage with a heavy duffle bag on him. “Let me put these down in the guest room and we’ll come actually say hi.” He jet pass the kitchen eager to get the bag off his shoulder and get his coat off and was quickly followed by the third person you still couldn't remember the name of. Cameron? Cory? Conner? Either way he gave you a vague nod of acknowledgement as he rushed pass you seemingly faster than Stevie. He had on a thick wool coat and a baseball cap, but besides that you didn't get a good look at him.

“So should we do the chianti or the pinot noir?” Michelle asked using her mocking tone on the fancy words, bringing your attention back to her as she held up the two bottles. 

“Chianti,” you chose. “I like the label more, its prettier.”

“That's one way to choose wine.” she said. She came back over to your side and pulled out the bottle opener as you grabbed the glasses. “Also I'm apologizing now if Carmen’s an asshole about dinner but it runs in the family.”

“Its cool, can’t be worse than Stephen…or you.”

“Oh fuck off,” she said with a smile, pouring the wine. “Who was he again?”

“The guy who wanted to be a ‘chef’ and narrated the whole time I made dinner and couldn't tell me what was wrong with the food besides ‘you just didn't do it right’,” you mocked his dumb voice as you remembered the date. “I mean I know I’m no Gordon Ramsey but I know what I’m doing in general.”

“Right that guy, Jesus your taste in people sucks,” she smiled as she slid the glass to you. 

“Yea yea,” you said, taking a sip of your wine as you looked at the timer on the oven and went to put the bread in the oven. “I’d rather have actual input from someone than that shit though.”

“What shit?” Stevie asked walking back into the kitchen, finally relieved of the duffle.

“Vague shit,” Michelle said, vaguely. 

“The best kind of shit,” Stevie pulled you into a hug as he finally said a proper hello to you. He turned some to the guy who entered earlier, Carmen you now knew. “This is Carmen, he's a chef, the one I was telling you about with the Noma and stuff.”

“Right, yea, hi,” you greeted, introducing yourself even though Stevie just did it for you, you'd cringe about it later. This is why you don't like meeting new people.

“Hi, your-your the journalist right?” Carmen stuck his hand out to shake yours, and now that he was right in front of you you got a good look at him. Crystalline blue eyes and dirty blonde hair that was all mess and curls, he looked tired and anxious. Even his clothing said so; a long sleeve white shirt pushed up to his elbows and jeans both of which seemed rumpled from the flight. You did take note of his tattoos, a snail on his forearm, and a Pyrex measuring cup with the world on the other, you saw on the hand shaking yours the SOU on his fingers.

“Yea food and stuff,” you said, bringing your attention back to his face. All around he was handsome but you could sense the same nerves you had on him. It was a relief when Stevie came back from putting his coat away asking how your Christmas was, saving you both from an awkward conversation. 

“Not bad,” you responded. “My parents went to Arkansas for family or whatever and said their sending me some stuff and I got to buy myself a nice dress and no one bothered me over the holiday, an all round a success in my book.”

Just then the oven went off, and you took up Carmen's mumbled offer to get the heavier pan with the chicken and pasta while you grabbed the bread and plates, deciding to come back for the utensils and cheese. Michelle took charge of hers and Carmen's glasses sitting them across from each other as Stevie took his own and the bottle. You had to admit, it felt nice with everyone helping. You came back to the table before realizing you left you own glass, and that you would be sitting next to Carmen and would definitely need it to talk to the stranger. 

Finally returning and looking to the table before sitting down you did one last check that everything was there; napkins, plates, forks all checked. The other three were already digging in as Michelle whispered something to carmen that sounded a lot like ‘don't be a dick’. You took one last second and turned on a relaxing playlist for the meal on a low volume and sat down.

“So,” you started. “How was your guys’s Christmas?”

“Shitty.”

“Awful.” 

Stevie just frowned and shook his head in response as the other two responded in unison.

“That bad, huh?” you asked, finally serving yourself. Michelle avoided by chugging her wine and Carmen did the same by stuffing his mouth. 

“I think its better if we don't talk about it,” Stevie said breaking the silence.

The rest of the meal passed well enough though and everyone seemed to like the gelato with the meal. Carmen didn't talk much, too stuck in his own head thinking about how he had to start looking for a job ASAP. What didn't help were the thoughts of how pretty you looked when he walked in, and especially now that he was closer seated next to you. Your hair and dress styled perfectly with some better suited shoes for the slippery winter weather outside. He quickly talked himself out of pursuing anything with you though, having the small bit of sense to not bring you into his fucked up personal life full of anxiety and stress and pepto. He didn't even know what to say to you now. How would he know what to say on a date? He knew you knew something about food but wasn't sure what exactly it was you knew. What if it was just something to pay the bills and you didn't actually like being a journalist on food? There were too many unknowns for him to be comfortable with anything other than small agreements and answers that were as short as possible whenever he was asked something, and he noticed you doing the same thing. 

You did your best to not be awkward with Carmen but you both had a wall put up to keep the newcomer out. If it weren't for Stevie and Michelle talking about their plane rides and new years eve stories your pretty sure it would be silent between the two of you. They tried to get you both involved but it was clear enough that wasn't going to happen… not tonight at least.

[thebearer]

just thinking about carmy x shy reader who used to have the biggest crush on him when they went to school!! and carmy thought she liked mikey !

oh my god i can totally see him and now i can only think of two ghosts by harry styles ahhhh. little fluff blurb ahead for the soul <3

they go to prom together, their senior year just as friends. carmy bc donna is making him, and you... bc carmy asked you out lol. mikey set the whole thing up, he knew how much you likes carm. you were always coming over and following carmen around like a lost puppy. mikey felt bad for you, sorta, felt bad that you were so hopelessly in love with his oblivious younger brother.

carmen moved to new york and you stayed in chicago, only to reconnect years later at none other than mikey's funeral. carmen looked bad, sad and distant, but there was a glimmer of his old self when he talked to you. familiar. good.

it was a challenge, pushing yourself into the life of carmen berzatto again. two old friends catching up over coffee, first. then going to a ghost tour, because mikey used to swear it was the most entertaining shit (swore he'd see uncle jimmy on there eventually too lol). you'd help him at the beef when he'd call, helplessly needing assistance fixing some odd appliance. he'd make you greasy italian sandwiches and you'd spilt them sitting at the sticky booths, reminiscing.

it wasn't until weeks later, when things started to take a turn for the best. when carmen realized that "oh shit she's like into me into me???" he'd kissed you that night, in your apartment living room. it was rushed and a little sloppy. he'd blushed so hard after that, stammering and nervous in the low light of the room. you'd only grinned, pulling him back in.

"i- fuck- i didn't want to-to come across like that. i just... i'm sorry. i don't know why i... it felt- i don't know, i'm sorry." carmen is a stuttering mess, feeling his heart rate rise and like he might throw up at any given second.

"why are you sorry? i liked it, carmy, c'mon." you just give him a sideways, lopsided grin.

"what? are you- are you fuckin' with me right now? don't... you liked it?"

"of course i liked it. sophomore me is shitting herself right now."

"in a good way?"

you laugh, nodding. "in a very good way. c'mon, bear, don't fuck with me right now." you glare at him playfully. "you don't have to act like you didn't know i was in love with you."

"what?" carmen's eyes bulging tells you otherwise. "you-you... no, you didn't like me. you liked mikey."

"mikey?" you repeat. "carmen... i liked mikey because, i mean he was mikey, everyone liked mikey. but i had a crush on you."

carmen wasn't sure what to say, heart pounding hard in his throat, strangling the words. "really?"

you nodded, grinning gently. "i mean, you were too obsessed with claire bear to notice-"

"-oh, c'mon. don't do that." carmen cringed shaking his head.

"you did!" you laughed, jabbing his chest lightly. "you'd always talk to her in math and sketch all those pictures." you tried not to sound as hurt as your fifteen year old self had been. how you'd cried into your pillow when you found them. how you tried to make yourself look just like claire, act like her too so maybe carmen might notice you.

carmen blushed, looking down at his shoes. "well, i, uh... if it makes you feel any better. i-i was drawin' you too, ya know." he couldn't look at you, blushing positively boyishly at the admission.

it was silly. so silly and so sweet and it shouldn't have made you feel the way you did, but it did. you kissed him, two hands on the side of his cheeks, tumbling back on the sofa with him. a long, overdue kiss.

the next day, carmen asked you to come by the beef, telling you there was something that got dropped off for you while trying to figure out bills.

you opened the envelope to find a faded, crumpled piece of notebook paper, the light etchings of you on it with the algebra homework from mr. weir's junior year class.

[blckbarbiedoll]

Ghost Of You (M.B.)-Chapter 2

You Can Let It Go

2005-Chicago, Illinois

Angie had been staying with the Berzatto's for a few weeks now. She had fallen into a routine. Every morning, she would apply for jobs and go to interviews, and in the evening, she'd help with chores and making dinner. And still, no call backs. It seemed like Donna was praying that she wouldn't find a job so that she could stay longer. 

"Can I pick the movie?" Carmy asked from the floor.

"No." His sister replied, sitting on the couch.

Angie brought the bowl of popcorn to the living room and sat next to Nat. Mikey was flipping through an endless stack of DVDs.

"What about Spider-Man?"

"Yes!" Carmy exclaimed.

Mikey slid it in the DVD player and came up next to her on the couch. His thigh softly rubbed against hers, his denim jeans pressing against her cotton sweatpants. She glanced up at him and met his eyes, which made her quickly look back to the screen. 

An hour went by and he was still touching her. Every time they would both reach for popcorn, her heart threatened to leap out of her chest. 

"I'm gonna get more popcorn." 

"Want me to pause?" Mikey asked.

"No, it's fine." She grabbed the bowl and stood up, hurrying to the kitchen. 

🤍

The glow of the moon crept through the curtain and into the guest room where Angie was staying. She had spent over an hour tossing and turning with no luck of sleep. 

She pushed the covers off and headed towards the door and down the stairs. To her surprise, the kitchen light was already on.

"Oh. Hey."

"Hey." Mikey grinned. "Can't sleep?"

"No. You?" She sat on the counter across from him.

"Same. I should probably try. I gotta be at The Beef in a few hours."

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that."

He grabbed two glasses and filled them in the sink. "What about it?" He slid one over to her.

"When my dad kicked me out, he took most of my savings. Unless I'm gonna live here forever, I need a job."

"My mom would love that. But you're right. You need a job."

"Exactly. And I'm not the world's greatest chef or anything, but I can learn to make Italian beef. I've eaten enough of it."

"Ange-"

"Or I could wipe tables, or wash dishes. I'll clean the fucking toilet, I don't care. I just need a job, Mikey."

"As much as I would love to see you clean that toilet, I can't let you work there."

"What? Why not?"

"Ange, that place...it sucks the life outta you."

"Then why are you there?"

"'Cause I'm already fucked up."

"And I'm not?"

"No. You radiate fucking sunshine and glitter."

They both chuckled at his comment.

"Seriously, Mikey. I'm not a little kid anymore. I can handle myself."

"I know."

"Then let me work there."

He huffed and crossed his arms. "You're not gonna get paid a whole lot."

"Seriously?" She jumped off the counter and smiled.

"Yeah, the pay is shit."

"Oh my god, thank you, Mikey!" She wrapped her arms around his neck.

He held her waist and chucked. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

She pulled back and looked up at him. "And my dad said I couldn't get a job."

"He doesn't know what he's talking about."

"Yeah. Fuck him."

"What about your mom?"

Silence filled the room. Her smiles faded slightly as she sucked in harsh breath. "I never told you?"

"No. You don't have to."

"She died."

"I'm sorry, Ange."

"It's okay. It was a long time ago."

"Was she sick?"

"Uh, not physically." She looked at the ground, avoiding eye contact. "Suicide. She was really depressed and no one understood her."

"That must've been hard losing her so young."

"I guess. I was a toddler. I don't remember her."

He hugged her again, rubbing his hands up and down her back. "If you ever wanna talk about it, I'm here for you."

"I'm okay. Seriously. Thank you, though."

"Of course."

"I should head to bed." She pulled back. "I have work in the morning." She forced a grin. "Goodnight."

"Night."

[blckbarbiedoll]

Cast and Playlist for Act One: Ghost of You-Mikey Berzatto x Black!OC x (eventual) Richie Jerimovich

Cast:

Angelina "Angie" Howard/Berzatto

Michael "Mikey" Berzatto

Natalie "Sugar" Berzatto

Richard "Richie" Jerimovich

Sophia "Soph" Berzatto

Side Characters: Jeremy Allen-White as Carmy Berzatto Matty Matheson as Neil Fak Liza Colón-Zayas as Tina Marrero Oliver Platt as Uncle Jimmy  Jamie Lee Curtis as Donna Berzatto

Playlist:

Ghost Of You (5 Seconds of Summer)

Matilda (Harry Styles)

Right Where You Left Me (Taylor Swift)

End of Beginning (Djo)

Rocket Man (Elton John)

Last Goodbye (Jeff Buckley)

Renegade (Big Red Machine, Taylor Swift)

Angels Like You (Miley Cyrus)

This Town (Niall Horan)

Nobody Gets Me (SZA)

Shades Of Cool (Lana Del Rey)

Love On The Brain (Rhianna)

Why Didn't You Stop Me? (Mitski)