#dont fucking tell me i for real got covid

[oflgtfol]

ermsies i took another covid test just like six minutes ago and it came back positive within two minutes and it hasnt changed since then. Ermmm

[wabblebees]

.

[trendfag]

in hindsight i do see how saying thats a lie instead of something like thats not true or just being like no i bought it contributed to the pressure cooker of the situation but i still get mad when i think about this

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA For Snitching On My Brother?

tl;dr at the end, the submissions a bit long. sorry if this sounds like stupid teen drama, but i needed outside opinions. (tw for mentions of attempted suicide)

so for a bit of context here, me (14nb) and my brother (14m) both have Parental RestrictionsTM on our phones. In my opinion they are way more severe than they need to be. i am not allowed to have any social media at all, my mother barely tolerates discord. I cannot text anyone who is not my direct sibling or parent from 9pm at night to noon the next day and i cant use any "nonessential" apps during that time frame too. my brother has the same restrictions on his phone, but he has safari removed because my mother said he was playing "random internet games". however, he has found ways around this and ways around the app restrictions. i know how he does it. i really dont have any intention of telling our mother, its none of my business and i honestly dont care that much.

I recently moved to a new school. My brother and i were homeschooled prior to this during covid. And it was fine. We went to a homeschool co-op twice a week. A year ago we were both enrolled in Local Community College as dual enrollment students. A semester into that i was Not Vibing Well and ended up having a breakdown and getting a therapist. I would talk to her directly about this but i havent been able to see her in weeks due to scheduling conflicts. The workload seemed too much to me, there was no longer a distinction between School and Home. i felt like i was constantly on the clock, and i barely saw my friends. In addition to other factors at my co-op, I got very lonely. At that time the limits on my phone were 9pm-3pm (it was later edited to 9am to noon) . I cant remember exactly what happened, but i asked my mother to at least change the communication limits so that i could talk to my friends during the day. She said no, stating that I Do Not Need to Communicate With Friends During The School Day. i do not have a real “school day” i am at home basically 5/7 days of the week. And normal kids see their friends every day at school. The argument got dropped then.

Fast forward half a year, i felt increasingly lonely, out of place, bothersome, etc, at my co-op and have decided to try going to Local Public Highschool. This meant leaving my best friend (14f)  whom i love dearly (for the purposes of this post i will call her Z). Z is one of my favorite people in the whole world, we got platonically married, I lovingly refer to her as “my wife”, and i would genuinely die for her. She got a phone over the summer which means we have a better way to communicate, replacing discord as the primary communication system. Also at that time one of my best online friends fucked up their discord account somehow and the whole online group moved to text. there's about four of them? J, Other J, B, and L (ages vary from 12-16). I believe only B is directly relevant to this story but the others are worth mentioning. Additional context (tw for mentions of suicide from now on), all of those four are varyingly suicidal. B has attempted before, at least twice I believe. out of the group i am probably the most mentally stable.

School starts! I am already feeling a bit lonely due to leaving Z but we stay positive. I wake up for school at like 530 and check my phone at like 6:45. Woohoo a message from B! It was sent at 4 am. This is concerning. There is a glitch that i can use in order to view texts for between half a second and four seconds, it depends, and i use it. B’s message reads “Bye”. theres no fucking reason that they would be texting me goodbye at 4am in the morning unless they were going to kill themselves. I cannot properly view or respond to that text until noon, so eight hours. I wait to know if my friend is ok for eight hours, and at noon i check my phone again. In that time i’ve received messages from the groupchat. J, Other J, and L all received “bye” texts from B at around the same time period. After a few messages, we know B is ok, i dmed them privately and they responded both in ims and the gc. So they are ok. But i had to wait for eight hours to know that. Later that day i asked my mom if she had considered my proposal (i asked her a day or two before if she would at least turn off communication limits because it is also rather embarrassing to be honest to have to tell other people that oh i cant respond to your message right now, sorry my mom has limits on my phone :D. In addition i get anxious when i send a message that im nervous abt and it doesnt get responded to for hours so i hate leaving messages for longer than two hours). Once again, she said no. it goes against her Views As A Parent for me to have “unrestricted access” to my phone. She offered to add only Z to the list of people i can contact during the limits. This is better than nothing but Z texts more in the groupchat than she does in private messages so it wouldn’t work that well. We argued, it didnt work out, i got pissed off and we both went to bed. i very strongly feel that for like my mental health i need to be able to communicate with my friends better than i can at the moment. And i dont want to wake up to a message from a friend, have it be the last one they ever send, and not be able to respond for hours. 

Heres where the part where i could be an asshole comes in. (so sorry that that was really long i didnt know what parts would be needed as context and what were not so i just typed everything i think might be relevant). This isnt something that i am very strongly considering, as i truly dont want to fuck up my relationship with my brother and i love him a lot. I just want opinions on whether it would like be going too far i guess. I am considering offering a trade. I tell my mother how my brother has found ways around his limits, and she turns off the communication limits on my phone. WIBTA if i did that?

TL;DR: would i be the asshole if i snitched on how my brother got around some restrictions in exchange for me being able to communicate with my friends?

What are these acronyms?

[wistfulrat]

・❥・lesbian wangxian reccs ・❥・

ao3topships poll gate made me realize there are hundreds nay thousands of u who dont know abt lesbian wangxian ?? that’s so sad can i proselytize u real quick

mimilamp cinematic universe (the ppl’s mcu) sorry for starting this list with a whole author catalog. as if it's my fault!! these gave me covid. no listen mimilamp fics have feverish lesbian angst levels of hot horny despair that could paralyze a large forest animal. and on a sentence level it's just stunning. messy dykes fumbling toward love confessions while making emotionally insane choices and the sex scenes fuckn bang ??? god is real

good, good - 13.5k E Wei Ying has two broken wrists and now she needs Lan Zhan to help her do stuff (jerk off)

here’s a story - 46k E Wei Ying reluctantly joins her recently-dumped best friend, Lan Zhan, on a couples' holiday retreat. Snow! Drinks! Truth or dare! There's a s-s-s-single bed! You'll never guess what happens next.

out of your system - 20k E “Maybe you should get me out of your system,” Wei Ying blurts. “Maybe that’ll help.” // Wei Ying finds out her best friend Lan Zhan is in love with her and offers a really super solution.

exposure therapy - 14k E Wei Ying clambered up from the floor, put the joint on the corner of the night stand, announced, “Exposure therapy,” and got into Lan Zhan’s bed. // Lan Zhan doesn't like to be touched, Wei Ying likes to touch.

know no one else - 20k E Lan Zhan moves out, Wei Ying's boyfriend moves in. Six months later, Lan Zhan visits, they go to a party, and Wei Ying has something to tell her.

74243 this author should be studied in a lab bc these 2 fics ruined my life. a pulitzer prize short fic with immaculate tone followed by the fuck nastiest shit you will ever read. "wei ying swipes right" still a top 3 bar of all time re: fic summaries. like people died.

chef’s kiss - 6.5k E Wei Ying said, “You know, in some ways I’m kind of depressed. I took your biggest dick on my first try. Now I don’t have anything to build up to.” “There are bigger ones available,” Lan Zhan said lazily. “I can pay for express shipping.” // (Lan Zhan works the late shift.)

pull out game weak - 22.7k E Wei Ying swipes right.

plonk this is the only fic in many ways. dyke nmj's mustache academy award winning breakout role. possessive hot dyke lwj. the sentence "don't knot her you freak." have u ever seen a group chat get rabies in real time. the slut rot breached containment. it was a public health crisis. it brought back horny cinema. cultural reset.

good friends - 11.5k E “I could invite her over for when the game’s done,” Nie Mingjue offers. Lan Zhan hums, considering it. They do that sometimes. Take omegas down together.

occultings will i ever get tired of -wwx thinks she's straight and wants to practice being gay with sadsack lwj who is like sure im in love with u and this will cause me psychic damage but mayhaps that's the cost of being homiesexual--? no i dont get tired of the classics it's called taste

give me one good honest kiss - 25k E The text keeps flashing over and over in Lan Zhan's head like the bulb lights on a marquee. They’d been talking about homework directly before that, swapping notes on music theory in the baroque period. Then, like a fork of lightning out of a clear blue sky: wanna practice kissing? 😚 // Wei Ying suggests an arrangement. Lan Zhan, in love, deals.

saltyfeathers ok so like sure it's ill advised to get your cartilage pierced at claire's but if you wanted the experience of participating in deranged hysteric behavior that kinda bangs in a badgood way? well then.

the mall that has it all - 8k E She introduced herself in the food court, breathless after sprinting across it in Lan Zhan’s direction and vaulting over a table only to crash into the seat across from her, ask, “Can I have a sip?”, spring forward with both elbows on the table to wrap her burgundy lips around Lan Zhan’s smoothie straw, wrinkle her nose, and say, “What is that, kale? Not really my thing, as like, a mall goth. Oh!” A pleased, chaotic exhale. “My name’s Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan said, after taking a moment to fully process the last forty-five seconds, “What?” or; mall goth au

[supermaks]

i'm dying for the part 2 of the essential max verstappen races i've watched all the first 10 (teenage crime era) and now i need the rest!!

✨💘 part 1 💘✨💎🧨🌠part 3🗽🎯

Brazil, 2019 In part 1 I said Max always stunted in the US, but like both Americas have a crush on him. People like to yap about his 'luck' and how 'lucky' he is. Max bends luck to his favor with a crowbar if he has to and this race proves that. also shout out to Hannah she’s BEEN the best CS in F1 fr 🌻

Austria, 2019 yes honey, that Austria, 2019. First Honda powered win for red bull and it came on the back of a cracked out prancing horse. Lestappen had angry sex in front of 200000 orange shirts and we just let them

70th year anniversary GP, 2020 Set the scene: for 2020 mercedes has put thee most competent driver of all time behind the wheel of a Boeing 707. They say it's a car but its an airplane ok. So every race is basically like 2 hour long british orgasm ASMR. This one tho, this should've been the beans and toast equivalent to Beyoncé at the superbowl. This should've been their Homecoming. They got 2 races in the calendar for the 1st time, it's F1's birthday, Lewis is driving a commercial airplane, it's happening during peak covid because their prime minister is insane, period. They had it all. Except, it was kinda warm out. And Max Verstappen noticed. Whole british empire vs one man's inability to not be the moment. Guess who won

Emilia Romagna, 2021 emilianos first victory of his maiden title year , and a race I remember watching and thinking. oh okay. so it’s time. With Max, even as a baby fan of both him and Lewis, I was always kinda like, waiting for the dog fight. And finally, lil bro has the car. Everything else was already in place. If u do watch my dumb list in order, which I recommend u do, u can actually c him get ready for 2021 over the years. His starts, and especially this one, become flawless, he has somehow learned how to manage his tires and dominate races in lesser machinery ((we dont talk about it enough. max has won races every single season he's driven in f1. every rbr car he's ever had, he got it home. that's a shooting star fr. thats a once in a lifetime.)) , he's patient, and still uncompromising, still unflinching. He's ready. We were not tho lmfaooo

Zandvoort, 2021 baby boys first home gp win. a lovely lil watch to feel warm and fuzzy inside and also just like watch him be the best driver on the grid at home

Russia, 2021 p20 to p2. Max in the rain, u already know wtf is going ONNN. A race for the GP girlies. SOOO so dope to watch a driver and an engineer orchestrate a comeback of that level in real time. A true privilege and I mean it wholeheartedly. I think GP and Max are soulmates like professionally. Also literally the funniest thing in the world when they're pulling into their lil positions after the race and my fav old man Lewis does a double take like that better not be who I think it is 😭

USA, 2021 listennn. it's 2021. I can't mention Max without mentioning Lewis. They took each other to realms of racing that F1 didnt even remember existed. When I tell u these bitches were 40 seconds ahead of everybody else. 40 seconds. In 2021. But yuh, the blond one set a purple sector with like 100 lap old tires to defend that win. 2021 was just very kind to the Circuit. Sexy sexy race

Jeddah, 2021 well if he's just some guy why does his pussy pop so severely. 😐 No F1 driver will ever serve cunt the way Max served cunt in Jeddah. Driver of the day for no reason other than pure fucking headassery. They said u can't move the culture by losing and that white man said hold on. That quali lap almost put a child in me. I am so sorry

((lil bonus from Zandvoort, 2022 like shut up imagine doing this to lewis hamiltondfmsnfksdlkjf))

Japan, 2022 2nd title win. And fittingly so, he would've lapped the whole field if the race had been completed in its full distance. 1 second faster than everybody else, still improving at the end. But its his recovery at the start that I wanna highlight here. On a wet track, awful conditions, mf sent it outside of t1 around sharl, not because he had to, not because his championship was on the line, but because he could. He went for it, no hesitation. Nobody else would go for a move like that. First, because they wouldnt be able to do it. Its an overtake that requires a control of the car that is left to the Hamiltons and Verstappens of this world. U put a wheel wrong and you’re done. Second, it just wasnt worth it. Rb was a rocket anyway, he would've gotten the lead back eventually. But that is not who Max is. Max refused to give up the lead for even a second. It has nothing to do with having a dominant car, its about racing. Max will always, always go racing. And I love him for it.

ty for reading 💝 I hope that u can return to these races again and again and find joy in watching our fav public enemy number one do his thing. He’s very good at it

[haloburns]

yknow. i dont talk abt being disabled a lot on here past making jokes but like

i was gointhrough emails on my uni account and deleting a lot of things, and watching my condition raipdly get worse in spring of 2021 through those was surrel. like i remember most of it because of constant recounting to the doctor's (the amount of doctor's messages too is wild), but it's also so weird for me to read an email to my Chinese lang prof telling her I couldn't participate in class that day because brain fog was so bad even after sleeping all fucking day.

like, in my mind, i went from a normal able bodied person to pretty severely disabled over the course of two years. i told my other disabled friends i hurt all the time and theyre like "well how long has this been going on" and i was like "oh two years, but im thinking maybe more. but i dont have chronic pain, it just Happens To Me" and this was BEFORE i had a chronic fatigue crash that cemented CFS in my body as a real and present thing. now i have to contend with it every day, along with the complications its brings.

now, i've been dealing with chronic pain for. an inordinate amount of years now. i've been disabled MUCH longer than i've been aware. the further back i think, the more i realize i've hurt and i either didnt realize that wasnt normal or i told people and they brushed me off.

my knees hyperextend. they have my whole life. (i had to go back and find picture evidence of this because my mom didnt remember) this causes a lot of pain on my feet, and has at least since middle school. i didnt like playing outside bc it hurt and was exhausting, but everyone assumed it was bc i was a bookworm and fat. i remember sitting next to the older family friend i was at the zoo with because both of our feet hurt from walking. i was 10. she was 60.

and i just wonder... how much did my doctor not notice??? i went through precocious puberty and she was never concerned. i started puberty at 7, and got my first period at 9. i havent grown since age 11. my tits are massive for my height bc THEY didnt stop growing until i was 21. she never mentioned my knees bending back, but she did mention my back/posture being a little weird (not weird enough to FIX apparently. ps i have a small unnatural curve of my spine, not sure if its scoliosis or not). my mom constantly feels guilty bc no one noticed, but tbf i never brought it up. i never thought i was hyperflexible/double jointed but it turns out i AM which means i was just a dumbass adhd kid who assumed everyone was like that.

and like. my joints are causing more and more problems. i started having more problems after my surgery as a result of the stress on my body, who knows what's gonna happen now that ive had covid??

i hyperextended my middle finger in my sleep and now it hurts to use. my right hip hyperextends and possibly subluxes on the regular and i cant fix it. my shoulders are WAY more mobile than they used to be, and i can force my left shoulder out of its socket to some degree while laying on it. the tips of my fingers bend super far down and my thumb apparently "looks like rubber" bc of how far i can bend/wiggle it.

idk, i had a point but i lost it. being disabled is weird and surreal for me, and most days i dont mind bc it makes me the funniest person in any room, but some days it REALLY fucking sucks

[gayday]

Alright, there's a trolley about to run over 3 people tied to the tracks but you can switch a lever to make the trolley move to a different track where there is one person tied. Tell me how you and your OCs would answer this and why

Me personally? theoretically id switch it, but cuz yknow i donttt do well under pressure and the best i could do is panic :3 realistically I'd likely just freeze & do nothig id be like HOW DO I WOPRK A TRAIN LEVER THING WHAT IF I BREAK IT mods help hep DDDD: dont get tied to train tracks near me you will be dying

oc time!

Trevor: I'd switch it? Duh (in head: how heavy is a trainn lever omg how much time do i have whgat is the situation who r these ppl who tied them there what am i douing there what if i get blamed for tying them up and arrested?? why are they tied unevenly to the tracks like why not put them all on one track... what kind of hypothetical hell have i been placed in.)

Alistair: Fuck it, I'm not moving it, not my problem. (in his head hes going like ':((( but i dont want 2 hurt anyone' cuz hes basically incapable of being sincere out loud lol)

Kenny: XD id kill them all >:3c mwahahahaha

David: (Goes on long long autistic monologue about the trolley problem and ethics in general, never addresses the question and forgets what he was talking about by the end)

Jasper: (Tries to make a case but just ends up a stammering mess and panics cuz he doesn't wanna be wrong, says sorry like 50 times)

Teo: Are you like a cop or what? Go away, weirdo.

Ashley: Ahhh so scary I don't wanna be groceryies!!! (she is thinking of this kind of trolley)

Lena: SCAREY, WOULD NOT GO NEAR IT, SORRY UR DYING !!! (has a phobia of large machinery)

Zhen: Of course I'd switch it, I'm a monster not a monster. (lying, he thinks it would be kinda fun and cool to watch the 3 people get run over)

Yasha: *Heard the word trolley and got so hard he got nauseous* I think I hauve covid

Felix: Switch it, I don't really have that guilt anymore I've seen way too many people die, but obviously less people dying is good (Lie, he would go home and cry no matter what he chose)

Ethan: Can I jump in front of the trolley too? I don't think I'd stop it but thats a cool way to die.

Ori: But... but... not... real? No trolley... no understand and... no want kill...

Killian: (visibly high) ...what?

Destery: I think I'd just turn the lever back and forth as fast as I could, and like whatever happens happens

Kye: ... yea I don't think I can do anything about this situation (Has 0 working arms)

Dalton: I uh... how would I know... which way is the right one... (Is blind)

[loubouskz]

hi guys, I'm sorry that I went M.I.A again. I was preparing for my trip to TX. me and my friends went to go see stray kids on March 26th(the postponed concert). it was my first kpop concert I've ever been too! it was amazing, and all the stays i talked were so sweet. they ran out of lightsticks :(( BUT!! I got a hoodie!

the kids did an amazing job!

under the read more/keep reading, just explain with each member what I loved and what songs I enjoyed the most.

lino did amazing! his stage presence is scary good! i could watch him dance for hours. at last song, he did the dance from twice's new song out of nowhere. the lino and jisung moments were so cute. and every part of FAM was probably my fav! and lino did very well on his speech! in lesser words: IM SO PROUD OF HIM! one thing I did noticed was that when lino was singing his lil solo part when it's 4 of the members on stage. he was being very careful with his voice, like he was ab to lose it. so I hope lino is taking it as easy/resting as much as he can.

seungmin was absolutely hilarious, just him and his personality. and his jokes(mainly towards chan, "covid can what?"...."covid can f off."). AMAZING AND TALENTED VOCALIST! JESUS, HE HIT EVERY NOTE PREFECTLY!😭 he looked like a prince istg!

jisung is just how much I imagined him to be in person🤣  HE SANG HIS SONG: I GOT IT! I DONT THINK I SCREAMED SO LOUD BEFORE! and changbin also did a part of it. he has a great mix of being silly and professional on stage. he did a wonderful job!

changbin....I was memorized by each time he came on screen or when i panned my phone arcoss the stage. voice and stage presence! changbin's fan enteractions, every chance he got he was with stays. and changbin holding up chan arm when chan asked if they were any parents there was so funny.

hyunjin. this man always goes all in. i felt like i was in a trance watching him preform. his lil dancy dance during FAM. again, he did an amazing job. similar to jisung, he has a great mix of being professional and engaging/having fun with stays. like you can tell he loves doing this.

i.n 👏🏽👏🏽 vocals on point. his dancing, imo was phenomenal(besides lino)!! I loved seeing him preform and just the look in his eyes when he would look up in the crowd was just 🥺 I LOVE HIM. I think he became one of my bias wreckers😅

seeing felix in person felt like a fever dream. his presence is just beautiful. during all in, at the last chours, he was too busy having fun with stays to realize he had to go back with the rest of the kids and finish the song with the dance. but he was so fun to watch! what you see in the videos- how he acts and dancing and rap/sing, he always at 1000%.

now...mr. bang chan, the loml😩 jkjk, unless👀. I couldn't believe he was actually real. my friend started laughing at me bc I was just in complete awe. same with felix, how he acts during channies room and all the videos of him singing, dancing, anything is how he is in person. I could listen and watch him for hours(kinda already do that with channies room🤣) he is really just a light. SEEING HIS SMILE IN PERSON JUST 😭😭😭

my fav songs they preformed at the concert(ALL OF THEM BUT):

1. waitin for us- I cried during it bc when the concert was first postponed and I saw seeing all the tiktoks of them singing it, that song became special to me. I waited so long for the new date; not even knowing if it was coming. so actually hearing them sing it made me bawl.

2. charmer- I think we all know why I(and other stays) enjoy watching the choreo to charmer. the slap to the air was FUCKING PERSONAL LIKE WTF🤣

3. all in- I didn't know they were doing it, I only glanced at the setlist bc I wanted to be surprised. but to hear the song that got me into the kids IN PERSON...was an out of this world experience

[martyrbat]

you guys have no fucking idea how pissed i am rn :)

i have autoimmunity disorder ontop of being asthmatic and high risk anytime i get sick. i got covid back in ?? june i believe? and literally got turnt away from the hospital despite having two seizures and unable to breathe because im poor :) im still recovering from it !! i dont go out ! i rarely go into a store for my only socializing and interacting and only when i HAVE to. even then i wear two masks and wash every single thing, package included, because i can't take that risk – i will literally die !

my stepfather said covid is a scam for all these years, would literally physically assualt ANYONE in my household if they said it was real. wouldnt wear a mask, wouldnt take any safety precautions, would do nothing but say his god will protect him. when i caught it he blamed it on me not praying hard enough and that i need to ask god to forgive me because he cant. literally took his sister telling a grown ass, 6'5 400 pound trucker that hey. naybe dont hit your child while theyre literally unable to breathe. she snuck me medicine and HER inhalers because again. poor lmao.

then my mother caught it because i was still forced to do all the chores and work while wearing my masks and gloves the entire time. had to take care of her, who wasnt effected as bad, while my resting heart rate would jump from low 20s to 180s.

NOW hes sick and is threatening me because i refuse to step foot in his household or near him because??? i dont want to risk catching it again? especially as its in the freezing temperatures and my lungs are already weak? im still feeling long term effectives – from my breathing every! single! day! to my seizures coming back when i went a little over half my teenage years without one.

tw s/a mention & joke but do u know how much of a failure of a father u gotta be where the one that literally touched me is still a better one than u,,, like cmon man ur not even trying 😭😭 /lh

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for being upset at my mom?

🎵🎵 (to find it)

I know it's not a real big deal, but it's starting to get upsetting. English is not my first language and im on mobile sl sorry about that.

Okay, so my(20f) mother (F mid40s) suffer from long covid. Her symptoms consist of chronic fatigue, short breath, join pain and brain fog. (I still live home because im a college student, and finding an appartment in this market is hell)

We've been really supportive of her :

I drive most of the time, and my sister(16f) has her apprentice driver license, so she drives for mom when im at school; when we go to the mall and she need to take a break to breath, i always offer to go get her a wheelchair, or going to get the car, she sleeps a lot in the day so we don't make noise, i bought her loops earplug for sleeping, etc.

We're are used to it and my dad (mid40s too) work 12 hours a day to compensate for the money we're losing with mom on sickleave (where we live we have job insurance and etc): he starts at 5:30am to 6pm, and i usually only see him in the evening, so the only time we really are together as a family is during the evening meal.

There is where i could be the a-hole:

Since mom got long covid, it takes more time for her to respons us, and her memory isnt as good as it was (shes well known in her workplace, she a well respected manager who takes great care of her employees). It's just, almost every night, when me or my sister or even my dad are telling a something that happened in our day, she always cut us to say something, like :don't forget to put this in that, or just to say something she did that day over our own story, or asking me to bring her water in the middle of my sister's sentences (which she could have waited for after she was done).

So we, someone different each time, always tell her "X was speaking, you just cut them, and you do this often, please let them finish" and, well, when it happens everytime i am (or my sister) is trying to say something, it get upsetting. And she always uses the same reasons: "we're a family and we're cohabiting, sometime we talk over you but still listen to you" (no she doesn’t, i have to tell her a million times the same fucking thing and she always forget) or "you know my mind is a little slow right now, i'll forget if i don't say it" or she gets upset because we're annoyed by it.

But god forbid if you cut her! She'll raise her tone, and still doesn't get why we're upset.

Like, i get it, she got long covid and it's a bitch to deal with the way your cognitive capabilities slow down with the fatigue, but we've been extremely helpful (and im still gonna be, because she's my mother) and her allowing herself to lack respect towards us doesn't excuse her because she's ill. At least this is how i see it?

At this point i dont really know if i can feel upset? Like, she's my mom, and she's ill (and it's really depressing seeing her this put down by the symptoms i don't wish it to anyone) but im just so tired to have to restart the same sentence four or five time because she keep interrupting me

So, aita?

What are these acronyms?

[nitazenes]

Why do you call all of your exes abusive or rapist? This isn't the first time this happened, you always say you are abused or something similar. In the past I seen you trash your exes very awfully online while they did not do the same. It seems all very drama filled and playing the victim

Mkay lemme break this down.

My first real relationship was from ages 15-21, a key pivotal point in my life. I grew up with that person. I wasn't innocent in that relationship. I was angry and I yelled a lot, and I would throw things (never at someone) I have learned to manage my anger and I learned that the behaviors my partner portrayed was abusive. Especially the time she tried to get frisky with me after i had been drugged (not by her) but I still couldnt give consent and she's turned around and lied like 4 years after our break up she accused ME of being a rapist.

After her I met a lovely girl and we broke up because Covid speed ran our relationship into the ground. I will always love her, even if we're not longer together, she touched my life in important ways but I have nothing bad to say about her.

I spent about two years in complete isolation and then I met Ripley. Ripley never showed me love throughout our entire relationship and is now accusing me of sending anon hate and etc. At the same time I started dating someone called Leah. What proceeded was 6 months of absolute mental torture with constant threats to our relationship, or getting mad at Siouxsie for having a hobby and telling her to do something else bc it was taking up too much of our time

Leah then proceeded to one day ask for phone sex, basically this situation went down where that alter declined, Leah got offended and literally admitted it but he decided well, his purpose is love and sex (not true but he's a programmed part) so he relented and said "it's okay im willing to do it" and then Leah rejected him.

In the end it was because she was screaming at us on the phone, Siouxsie did what she had to and told her not to talk to us that way.

I consider that whole situation with that alter as sexual harassment, as do other people. Leah then had the audacity to post that conversation on her blog but rly it just made her look bad but that was a severe privacy breach of a sexual conversation that should not be posted to the public.

During the worst of Leah's abuse, Ripley abandoned me and turned tail and ran away while i was being controlled and abused.

Somewhere in there, there was Ethan who tried to be sexual with one of my littles so theres that too

I unfortunately have a track record of attracting the type of people who hurt me or use me.

Also i know who sent this ask and if you dont get the fuck out of here i'll get law enforcement involved.

But yeah no shit I will bash the fuck out of people who mistreat us.

[pinkadork]

Im fine

Its not like ive been setting myself up what feels like forever to both really and also i guess not at all always be in the cycle im in. The predestined fuck up ig my moms a fuck up

Im a fuck up

I cant stay a job apparently

I’m too scared of every if and but when it comes to trying it to be creative and do things like i used too, nowadays i feel like its tainted because im not even finna be doing it because i like it anymore, but instead just proving i didn’t give up, when i did

I was tired, emotionally drained, put in a position i nor anyone really asked for but guess whose grandparents this belonged to

Im not a fucking mistake or a right person wrong time

I am a nigga thats has been struggling and it was before you sure but everyone in the fuck ass house kept trauma bonding new and old covid didnt fucking help.

How the fuck are we fucking but aint no protection or immediate showers available

How am i toxic for not wanting what felt like more like a: fuck my poor ass boy friends and dementia ridden grandparents( and while its not anyones job to guide me if we in a relationship and you feel some way say some shit some how ) the weirdest ( but unfortunately not worst) living situation ive been in, the deepest most confusing, loving yet infuriating, real yet faux ass relationship ive had with anyone.

Like even now I physically am sick to my stomach about the idea or notion of again my ex, someone who has dumped me like at least twice since July and lowkey high key didnt even count it it was like a secret trial i failed because ofc im not sure of you actually love me mr. I tell the world you beat me but sure we can play minecraft

Fucking the part the gets me the most about this is i know you know how i feel and its just

I feel set up

Like genuinely not just the relationship shit

And im not gonna act like i dont play my role in shit and attribute a lot to the shit that get me and others where we are but jfc im tired

I’m not the brightest bulb but im not a fucking dumbass

And i did more than read the room, i saw the patterns, felt the vibe shifts, and tried so fucking hard.

Its sad whatever im pathetic but i think i knew without saying it (and even saying this it doesnt mean all the people out with then bc some are still here and we cool but fucking) My ex was the realest mf i had in my circle, and which is probably why its hard being like man aint no fucking way we went out like that. Im not for the see you in a few years shit, im not for the go fuck around like i aint give my heart, i was (am) a dumb nigga that went to to college before dropping out after missing all my classes so i could be attached virtually at the hip to them

Its not their fault and for years i didnt feel that at all.

But the second i saw that they felt like they wasted so much on me and this that whatever man my blood got to boiling on some seafood type shi

Its like

You can do evil

They can do evil

And be vindicated and justified in ya own right because in ya head this is just karma and you standing up for ya self and

Then its like i do evil snd immediately fold because i aint mean shi

Nigga got slammed by me 2 or three times

And everytime it was some bs

I let you convince i was being an ass for feeling threatened because " weight and height and muscle” but fucking niggas never care about perspectives

Yeah we are arguing

Yeah im loud, which is infuriating because my usual everyday speaking voice whether it because i subconsciously (now very actively) am aware of how loud i can be, is actually very quiet and i tend to have to repeat myself and even did to my ex because yeah

Fuck im so high man

Its been awhile since i ran out of actual medicine

Like i feel like ive said its been like two weeks for like a month now.

Now i gotta go through new everything, finding insurance, therapy, reassessments, medication changes, so much has happened and yet nothing has, i got fired today, i think, i mean i definitely got the text “Your assignment is finished do not return anymore” but this is the first temp agency really that ive been at , its just like

Like that?

Its kinda how sudden i end up either in or out of someones life, ex, family, friends

Sometimes i feel like ive been so many different me’s and am constantly “coming of age” (metaphorically speaking or in case thats ominous still, like i feel like i do in fact get older but do to circumstance, bad choices, and a lot of fuckening, i very much am learning alot of basic shit i shouldve known, or yes i am just now learning how to not be like donny on the wildthornberrys

I truly was happy and want to die everytime i think about how unhappy i made them

Make them

The wont miss me when i die because im alive and they surely dont is the thing i come back to whether wrong or not it is

Sometimes i cry about things i dont know are true bit definitely feel on my gut or for those in the loop my LN

You can keep my heart in dont want it anymore

I know realistically im bugging and i just feel bad and i need meds and yadayada yada

Im gonna be blunt with ya chief, im blowing my fucking brains out gn

[oddmerit]

here's an ask for you, i always find it a nice confirmation that real humans i dont know are reading my posts - even if it's a bit scary also. hope you're having a nice day!!

awwwwh thank you anon :') ive been having a real shit week[^1] so i appreciate your random act of kindness <3

[^1]: tldr for people who dont follow me elsewhere, dad got covid (again) after promising me around xmas he would continue masking in public -> mom got food poisoning unrelated to covid as far as we can tell -> i caught covid from my dad bc i fucked up and didnt mask around him before he tested positive and then he admitted he doesnt mask in most places anymore

[indigo474]

81223

I had a fun time with Marci. We did not make it to the club- we went for a walk and our night of dancing did not happen and i am OK with that. I like Marci and feel safe around her- which is weird because we are so very different. She's lived so much more life than me and its nice to have someone who gives good advice and support.. she has her opinions- strong ones. I think she feels safe with me too.. its a nice friendship and i get Mom vibes from her- today at breakfast we started talking about covid.. I know her political stance- she has never once asked mine and for that i am glad. she has a jacked up shoulder and i suggested it was from the covid shot- she insists its from actual covid. i dont see how. it would make more sense to believe her shoulder problem was from having an experimental liquid injected into her arm than from her having a virus but what do i know? so she keeps saying how many shots did we get.. WE- her and I- how many shots did WE get. I havent had any- and i could have said so, but people get weird and i really feel the only reason i didnt get any shots was because i dont watch tv and i had no fucking idea what was going on in the world during covid- i honestly think had Mads and i been watching tv we would have gotten the shots.. i didnt want to defend my ignorance- of course now, im glad to not have gotten the shot and im glad Mads didnt get the shot.. anyway i took a guess and said 4 shots- i was correct. she says when i turn 50 i have to get a bunch of shots.. i will get a flu shot before i turn 60. maybe at 60 i'll start getting shots. we had a nice time- sitting by the pool and going out to eat and the spa-- the spa was wonderful and i really should start get massages. so wonderful. i liked the facial but did not think it was worth $200. i got the magic milk facial.

i'm going to give up drinking alcohol. i think i should. i really do not like the way it makes me feel- i dont "really" drink- but i do and i think its time to say good bye to it.. and i feel a certain way about this. i'm not sure why. Maybe because it's a social thing- not hat i am social.. but on the few times i am invited out it is usually for a drink. people get weird when they hear someone doesnt drink- i dont even know why i feel like i need to not drink. something is telling me to give it up for good. it's weird and yeah.. i guess i don't drink.

I saw James this week. my back was bothering me again on wednesday when i saw him.. i got my period on thursday.. by friday morning i was having a full blown period. to the point i had to buy tampons. so maybe that was the cause of my back issues. he worked me real hard on upper body on tuesday but went easy wed for lower body.. he changed everything up. totally different routine.. i have no idea what he has me doing. front loaded squats.. i have no idea what anything else is called.. hopefully i'll get to do a full lower body routine this week.. dead lifts.. i think that is what i had to skip because of my back. he says i'll get use to it. i was telling him how i want to start hitting the gym in the morning before work but i am unable to get myself out of bed. i'm up.. i just cant get out of bed. he suggested i maybe start by maybe going for a walk.he asked me if i liked donuts.. i love donuts.. he told me to treat myself to a donut IF i go for a walk in the morning. i told him i could actually walk to dunking donuts.. i'm going to try.. although i'm not sure how starting my day with a donut is going to make me feel. a donut just might be what i need to get me out of bed in the am.

[h1ghtechl0wlife]

i know it's like a depressing month straight from mothers day to fathers day where i just try to tune everything out but it really sucks having to treat my dad like hes dead when i never rly saw our relationship spiraling out like it did...failed to predict his anger issues+delusions turning on me since they never had before. we had a real us against the world thing...had that w my mom too, when i was younger. seems that's not healthy lol. hes had a lot of concussions and turned on literally everyone after having bad covid, maybe he had a tbi or smth since theres some research abt that, maybe it was inevitable since hes a pro at shoving people away then acting like no one loves him. accused me to my face of never telling him i loved him, never called to check on him. he spent a lot of his life a heavy drug user and alcoholic so i dunno. in the end trying to puzzle it out is pointless bc i have to cope regardless of the answer. we always got along really good. i just still dont get it. he feels like a victim to my capriciousness and meanwhile im the one w no fucking parents here so