#fucking four years into this stupid pandemic and i only get covid for the first time NOW

[oflgtfol]

ermsies i took another covid test just like six minutes ago and it came back positive within two minutes and it hasnt changed since then. Ermmm

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hey, I'm going to uni this year but am stuck choosing Edinburgh (Literature) between Warwick (Creative Writing and Literature) but I don't know which one to pick. Edinburgh has a better lead on the world tables along with a fancy reputation in contrast to Warwick. Do I choose Edinburgh over something that has been burning for years (aka writing about stupid characters) or ya know...something more prestigious? It's really difficult because I don't trust the Creative Writing courses having the ability to give a good experience since they differ so widely and there really is no telling of how it goes.

And on top of that, a lot of my characters are HELLA QUEER and my conservative ass parents are going to be ashamed when they see me writing cute ass guys get along with each other. (Also what do your parents think about Lonan and Harrison in this context???)

So is it social security over passion?

I really am so lost, it's been months and my brain cannot think. I just think that if I have that degree, than it would give me the validation of being a decent writer. BUT like - I've always enjoyed essay writing? This is so bipolar😭

But the main question is, do you think your time in uni was worth the shot of just breathing author air and not giving a fuck about what other people think? (Sos if that sounds harsh, it's the artists attitude of being the wild cards of society).

(I'm in London btw, if you're wondering).

(Also, I LOVE YOUR WRITING LIKE PLEASE I WANT TO EAT IT!!!)

Hiii! Happy you're eating my writing HEHEHE! Okay lots to talk about here, but to answer your main question:

Do you think your time in uni was worth the shot of just breathing author air and not giving a fuck about what other people think?

Okay so, for me... My experience with my degree is complicated but I wouldn't necessarily say the experience was worth it in the ways I thought it would be. To be very fair, my education was VEYR interrupted by COVID (all of second year online, third year had a hybrid mix with some online classes and some on campus, fourth year is the only "normal" year I had besides first, which was interrupted toward the end by the pandemic--I started school in fall 2019). I want to say that because my experience is very much defined by that--I'm sure the culture of uni has changed since 2020, it just didn't change personally for me (i.e., I don't do social gatherings still, so I didn't invite friends over, go out with people, etc, just went to class then went home for 3rd and 4th year, which made socializing hard, more than usual LOL, for me--I'm sure folks who are doing those things had a different experience in my program).

Something you said is super intriguing to me: "I just think that if I have that degree, than it would give me the validation of being a decent writer."

If I can say something for relatively certain, a degree isn't going to give you the validation of whether you're a good writer or not (and I wouldn't recommend people go into a CW degree with that hope in mind--tbh, studying CW isn't "practical" and without a strong financial plan, etc, I would feel veryyyyy reckless/irresponsible on my platform to just go "ahhh yes! study creative writing!!")

If I can be honest, I was a good writer going into my program and I'm a better one coming out--but that isn't majorly because of the degree, to be upfront (I don't want people to think "ohhh rachel studied CW and she's such a good writer now, and she must be a good writer because she studied writing, and therefore I'm going to study writing to be a good writer"--I reaaaallllyyy want to be transparent with my audience about this because I know it's a privilege to study CW and I don't want to give people the wrong idea). I'm a better writer because it's been four years and I wrote 3.5 books in that time, ~20 short stories, ~20 poems, etc. Of course, some of that was for the degree but MOST was not (except for the poems). Hundreds of thousands of words.

How much you get out of a CW program depends on sooo many things like how the program actually functions (if you're not sure--I would ABSOLUTELY try to get that info from either an open house or some alumni if you can get in contact, I wouldn't go into a CW program at all without an idea of how the program runs--but that's just my advice!). Can also depend on your cohort for that year, whether there's a pandemic (looool), the profs, who's on sabbatical, who just got hired, etc, etc, etc. So I don't have concrete advice for whether you should study literature or CW, or if you feel you're in a position where you can choose passion over social security (that could be something to think about with an adult in your life!).

I also think it's important to know where YOU are in your writing journey. If I could go back in time and talk to seventeen year old Rachel, I'd probably advise her to go down a different path, to be honest. It's not that I found my degree completely hopeless, not at all, I met some AMAZING educators and writers who taught me SO MUCH (I worked with a writer I'd looked up to for years!!! like what!!! made some great writer buds, and would NOT be a poet without this degree), and I have great memories! But I also know myself now looking back, and I struggled in the early half of my degree to feel "settled" because I was in a different place than was typical for writing students.

I'm nervous to talk about this because I don't want it to seem egotistical, etc, but I'd developed a writing & editing process/style before I got to school, which isn't really typical for my program. I started writing and publishing extreeeemely young, and have been told by faculty that they don't really... see students like this in undergrad. When I entered my program, I was faarrrrr from a fantastic writer, and I was still "settling" into my style, but I'd found one (wrote a majority of Moth Work before my degree, for example).

My degree helped me with many things and I'm so grateful to have had a chance to study CW at the post-secondary level, but I also would've been fine without it (and I'm saying this NOT to dig at my program or school, not at allllll, but because I have an audience of young people who I *know* may be considering studying CW because I did it, and I want to be honest in saying that you can absolutely be a great writer without studying CW at all--and coming in a bit too defined might not make the experience the *most* useful, but that is just my experience ofc).

ALSO EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to know: I had a four year scholarship that paid for all of my tuition that I earned by stressing SO HARD in high school (my high school GPA was literally 99% which is actually so concerning to me now because the amount of stress I was under??? But I did it because I knew I needed that scholarship to study CW--the min. for this particular one at the time was a 96%, and I was anxious about not making that, hence the average). That scholarship was 26k in total, spread out at $6500CAD/year (which was the price of my tuition).

I had to work extremely hard in first, second, and third year to keep a particular GPA which was I think about an 83% to keep it--to be fair, I was so anxious about losing it that I went wayyyy above that which made me :) so stressed :) but I did keep up that scholarship, so I'm graduating without debt for tuition. I'd also won an external scholarship and bursary that paid for about 30% of my first year housing, and the rest was covered by my parents who'd had savings for my education.

I didn't work a typical job during my undergrad (in third year I did some diversity/equity/inclusion volunteer work that paid at a min. wage part-time rate for about a year though), and was extreeeemely lucky to have my parents' financial support for housing and food.

It is *sooooo* important to have a plan about finances if you're going to study CW, because this isn't going to be a field where you can look for a *particular* job after you graduate (and I know even that's complicated in other fields too, not to generalize!).

I hope this was helpful! Also not to scare you!!!! But I get some high school students asking me this question and I just really want you to have all the info about what my experience was like, because I know this is an impractical degree (I'm leaving with sooo many practical skills that fall nicely into the industry I want to work in, but still, I'm aware that not everyone can do this--so I want to be honest!).

Also to answer the last bit about queer characters:

And on top of that, a lot of my characters are HELLA QUEER and my conservative ass parents are going to be ashamed when they see me writing cute ass guys get along with each other. (Also what do your parents think about Lonan and Harrison in this context???)

My parents don't know much about my writing, haha (my mom reads my published short fiction/poems & my dad reads whatever I send him from LinkTree, but they don't read my personal projects because I would PERISH--they are very aware of the characters though, but not specific things). They sometimes ask me if Lonan and Harrison are dating (but I ask myself that question too lol--they've known about them since maybe 2018, so it's been a while!). They're LGBTQ+ affirming & always have been!

Anyway, I hope this was useful! Message me if you'd like more details, but it's critical to me that people are also aware that the experience CAN be multi-faceted.

[missmentelle]

Why Smart People Believe Stupid Things

If you’ve been paying attention for the last couple of years, you might have noticed that the world has a bit of a misinformation problem. 

The problem isn’t just with the recent election conspiracies, either. The last couple of years has brought us the rise (and occasionally fall) of misinformation-based movements like:

Sandy Hook conspiracies

Gamergate

Pizzagate

The MRA/incel/MGTOW movements

anti-vaxxers

flat-earthers

the birther movement

the Illuminati 

climate change denial

Spygate

Holocaust denial 

COVID-19 denial 

5G panic 

QAnon 

But why do people believe this stuff?

It would be easy - too easy - to say that people fall for this stuff because they’re stupid. We all want to believe that smart people like us are immune from being taken in by deranged conspiracies. But it’s just not that simple. People from all walks of life are going down these rabbit holes - people with degrees and professional careers and rich lives have fallen for these theories, leaving their loved ones baffled. Decades-long relationships have splintered this year, as the number of people flocking to these conspiracies out of nowhere reaches a fever pitch. 

So why do smart people start believing some incredibly stupid things? It’s because:

Our brains are built to identify patterns. 

Our brains fucking love puzzles and patterns. This is a well-known phenomenon called apophenia, and at one point, it was probably helpful for our survival - the prehistoric human who noticed patterns in things like animal migration, plant life cycles and the movement of the stars was probably a lot more likely to survive than the human who couldn’t figure out how to use natural clues to navigate or find food. 

The problem, though, is that we can’t really turn this off. Even when we’re presented with completely random data, we’ll see patterns. We see patterns in everything, even when there’s no pattern there. This is why people see Jesus in a burnt piece of toast or get superstitious about hockey playoffs or insist on always playing at a certain slot machine - our brains look for patterns in the constant barrage of random information in our daily lives, and insist that those patterns are really there, even when they’re completely imagined. 

A lot of conspiracy theories have their roots in people making connections between things that aren’t really connected. The belief that “vaccines cause autism” was bolstered by the fact that the first recognizable symptoms of autism happen to appear at roughly the same time that children receive one of their rounds of childhood immunizations - the two things are completely unconnected, but our brains have a hard time letting go of the pattern they see there. Likewise, many people were quick to latch on to the fact that early maps of COVID infections were extremely similar to maps of 5G coverage -  the fact that there’s a reasonable explanation for this (major cities are more likely to have both high COVID cases AND 5G networks) doesn’t change the fact that our brains just really, really want to see a connection there. 

Our brains love proportionality. 

Specifically, our brains like effects to be directly proportional to their causes - in other words, we like it when big events have big causes, and small causes only lead to small events. It’s uncomfortable for us when the reverse is true. And so anytime we feel like a “big” event (celebrity death, global pandemic, your precious child is diagnosed with autism) has a small or unsatisfying cause (car accident, pandemics just sort of happen every few decades, people just get autism sometimes), we sometimes feel the need to start looking around for the bigger, more sinister, “true” cause of that event. 

Consider, for instance, the attempted assassination of Pope John Paul II. In 1981, Pope John Paul II was shot four times by a Turkish member of a known Italian paramilitary secret society who’d recently escaped from prison - on the surface, it seems like the sort of thing conspiracy theorists salivate over, seeing how it was an actual multinational conspiracy. But they never had much interest in the assassination attempt. Why? Because the Pope didn’t die. He recovered from his injuries and went right back to Pope-ing. The event didn’t have a serious outcome, and so people are content with the idea that one extremist carried it out. The death of Princess Diana, however, has been fertile ground for conspiracy theories; even though a woman dying in a car accident is less weird than a man being shot four times by a paid political assassin, her death has attracted more conspiracy theories because it had a bigger outcome. A princess dying in a car accident doesn’t feel big enough. It’s unsatisfying. We want such a monumentous moment in history to have a bigger, more interesting cause. 

These theories prey on pre-existing fear and anger. 

Are you a terrified new parent who wants the best for their child and feels anxious about having them injected with a substance you don’t totally understand? Congrats, you’re a prime target for the anti-vaccine movement. Are you a young white male who doesn’t like seeing more and more games aimed at women and minorities, and is worried that “your” gaming culture is being stolen from you? You might have been very interested in something called Gamergate. Are you a right-wing white person who worries that “your” country and way of life is being stolen by immigrants, non-Christians and coastal liberals? You’re going to love the “all left-wingers are Satantic pedo baby-eaters” messaging of QAnon. 

Misinformation and conspiracy theories are often aimed strategically at the anxieties and fears that people are already experiencing. No one likes being told that their fears are insane or irrational; it’s not hard to see why people gravitate towards communities that say “yes, you were right all along, and everyone who told you that you were nuts to be worried about this is just a dumb sheep. We believe you, and we have evidence that you were right along, right here.” Fear is a powerful motivator, and you can make people believe and do some pretty extreme things if you just keep telling them “yes, that thing you’re afraid of is true, but also it’s way worse than you could have ever imagined.”

Real information is often complicated, hard to understand, and inherently unsatisfying. 

The information that comes from the scientific community is often very frustrating for a layperson; we want science to have hard-and-fast answers, but it doesn’t. The closest you get to a straight answer is often “it depends” or “we don’t know, but we think X might be likely”. Understanding the results of a scientific study with any confidence requires knowing about sampling practices, error types, effect sizes, confidence intervals and publishing biases. Even asking a simple question like “is X bad for my child” will usually get you a complicated, uncertain answer - in most cases, it really just depends. Not understanding complex topics makes people afraid - it makes it hard to trust that they’re being given the right information, and that they’re making the right choices. 

Conspiracy theories and misinformation, on the other hand, are often simple, and they are certain. Vaccines bad. Natural things good. 5G bad. Organic food good. The reason girls won’t date you isn’t a complex combination of your social skills, hygiene, appearance, projected values, personal circumstances, degree of extroversion, luck and life phase - girls won’t date you because feminism is bad, and if we got rid of feminism you’d have a girlfriend. The reason Donald Trump was an unpopular president wasn’t a complex combination of his public bigotry, lack of decorum, lack of qualifications, open incompetence, nepotism, corruption, loss of soft power, refusal to uphold the basic responsibilities of his position or his constant lying - they hated him because he was fighting a secret sex cult and they’re all in it. 

Instead of making you feel stupid because you’re overwhelmed with complex information, expert opinions and uncertain advice, conspiracy theories make you feel smart - smarter, in fact, than everyone who doesn’t believe in them. And that’s a powerful thing for people living in a credential-heavy world. 

Many conspiracy theories are unfalsifiable. 

It is very difficult to prove a negative. If I tell you, for instance, that there’s no such thing as a purple swan, it would be very difficult for me to actually prove that to you - I could spend the rest of my life photographing swans and looking for swans and talking to people who know a lot about swans, and yet the slim possibility would still exist that there was a purple swan out there somewhere that I just hadn’t found yet. That’s why, in most circumstances, the burden of proof lies with the person making the extraordinary claim - if you tell me that purple swans exist, we should continue to assume that they don’t until you actually produce a purple swan. 

Conspiracy theories, however, are built so that it’s nearly impossible to “prove” them wrong. Is there any proof that the world’s top-ranking politicians and celebrities are all in a giant child sex trafficking cult? No. But can you prove that they aren’t in a child sex-trafficking cult? No, not really. Even if I, again, spent the rest of my life investigating celebrities and following celebrities and talking to people who know celebrities, I still couldn’t definitely prove that this cult doesn’t exist - there’s always a chance that the specific celebrities I’ve investigated just aren’t in the cult (but other ones are!) or that they’re hiding evidence of the cult even better than we think. Lack of evidence for a conspiracy theory is always treated as more evidence for the theory - we can’t find anything because this goes even higher up than we think! They’re even more sophisticated at hiding this than we thought! People deeply entrenched in these theories don’t even realize that they are stuck in a circular loop where everything seems to prove their theory right - they just see a mountain of “evidence” for their side. 

Our brains are very attached to information that we “learned” by ourselves.

Learning accurate information is not a particularly interactive or exciting experience. An expert or reliable source just presents the information to you in its entirety, you read or watch the information, and that’s the end of it. You can look for more information or look for clarification of something, but it’s a one-way street - the information is just laid out for you, you take what you need, end of story. 

Conspiracy theories, on the other hand, almost never show their hand all at once. They drop little breadcrumbs of information that slowly lead you where they want you to go. This is why conspiracy theorists are forever telling you to “do your research” - they know that if they tell you everything at once, you won’t believe them. Instead, they want you to indoctrinate yourself slowly over time, by taking the little hints they give you and running off to find or invent evidence that matches that clue. If I tell you that celebrities often wear symbols that identify them as part of a cult and that you should “do your research” about it, you can absolutely find evidence that substantiates my claim - there are literally millions of photos of celebrities out there, and anyone who looks hard enough is guaranteed to find common shapes, poses and themes that might just mean something (they don’t - eyes and triangles are incredibly common design elements, and if I took enough pictures of you, I could also “prove” that you also clearly display symbols that signal you’re in the cult). 

The fact that you “found” the evidence on your own, however, makes it more meaningful to you. We trust ourselves, and we trust that the patterns we uncover by ourselves are true. It doesn’t feel like you’re being fed misinformation - it feels like you’ve discovered an important truth that “they” didn’t want you to find, and you’ll hang onto that for dear life. 

Older people have not learned to be media-literate in a digital world. 

Fifty years ago, not just anyone could access popular media. All of this stuff had a huge barrier to entry - if you wanted to be on TV or be in the papers or have a radio show, you had to be a professional affiliated with a major media brand. Consumers didn’t have easy access to niche communities or alternative information - your sources of information were basically your local paper, the nightly news, and your morning radio show, and they all more or less agreed on the same set of facts. For decades, if it looked official and it appeared in print, you could probably trust that it was true. 

Of course, we live in a very different world today - today, any asshole can accumulate an audience of millions, even if they have no credentials and nothing they say is actually true (like “The Food Babe”, a blogger with no credentials in medicine, nutrition, health sciences, biology or chemistry who peddles health misinformation to the 3 million people who visit her blog every month). It’s very tough for older people (and some younger people) to get their heads around the fact that it’s very easy to create an “official-looking” news source, and that they can’t necessarily trust everything they find on the internet. When you combine that with a tendency toward “clickbait headlines” that often misrepresent the information in the article, you have a generation struggling to determine who they can trust in a media landscape that doesn’t at all resemble the media landscape they once knew. 

These beliefs become a part of someone’s identity. 

A person doesn’t tell you that they believe in anti-vaxx information - they tell you that they ARE an anti-vaxxer. Likewise, people will tell you that they ARE a flat-earther, a birther, or a Gamergater. By design, these beliefs are not meant to be something you have a casual relationship with, like your opinion of pizza toppings or how much you trust local weather forecasts - they are meant to form a core part of your identity. 

And once something becomes a core part of your identity, trying to make you stop believing it becomes almost impossible. Once we’ve formed an initial impression of something, facts just don’t change our minds. If you identify as an antivaxxer and I present evidence that disproves your beliefs, in your mind, I’m not correcting inaccurate information - I am launching a very personal attack against a core part of who you are. In fact, the more evidence I present, the more you will burrow down into your antivaxx beliefs, more confident than ever that you are right. Admitting that you are wrong about something that is important to you is painful, and your brain would prefer to simply deflect conflicting information rather than subject you to that pain.

We can see this at work with something called the confirmation bias. Simply put, once we believe something, our brains hold on to all evidence that that belief is true, and ignore evidence that it’s false. If I show you 100 articles that disprove your pet theory and 3 articles that confirm it, you’ll cling to those 3 articles and forget about the rest. Even if I show you nothing but articles that disprove your theory, you’ll likely go through them and pick out any ambiguous or conflicting information as evidence for “your side”, even if the conclusion of the article shows that you are wrong - our brains simply care about feeling right more than they care about what is actually true.  

There is a strong community aspect to these theories. 

There is no one quite as supportive or as understanding as a conspiracy theorist - provided, of course, that you believe in the same conspiracy theories that they do. People who start looking into these conspiracy theories are told that they aren’t crazy, and that their fears are totally valid. They’re told that the people in their lives who doubted them were just brainwashed sheep, but that they’ve finally found a community of people who get where they’re coming from. Whenever they report back to the group with the “evidence” they’ve found or the new elaborations on the conspiracy theory that they’ve been thinking of (“what if it’s even worse than we thought??”), they are given praise for their valuable contributions. These conspiracy groups often become important parts of people’s social networks - they can spend hours every day talking with like-minded people from these communities and sharing their ideas. 

Of course, the flipside of this is that anyone who starts to doubt or move away from the conspiracy immediately loses that community and social support. People who have broken away from antivaxx and QAnon often say that the hardest part of leaving was losing the community and friendships they’d built - not necessarily giving up on the theory itself. Many people are rejected by their real-life friends and family once they start to get entrenched in conspiracy theories; the friendships they build online in the course of researching these theories often become the only social supports they have left, and losing those supports means having no one to turn to at all. This is by design - the threat of losing your community has kept people trapped in abusive religious sects and cults for as long as those things have existed. 

[ericspinkhair]

quarantine longings

pairing: best friend!kevin x fem!reader

word count: 3.2k

synopsis: you and your best friend have sex because quarantine made you horny

warnings: best friends to lovers, takes place during the pandemic, spoiler of 356 days (but not the end, just generally the plot), no use of condoms but only the pill, creampie, sexual fantasies, fingering, hand-job, sex, slight angst at the end if you squint

a/n: I would literally die for kevin, I love him so much. I'll be writing a multiple parts series about him after I'm done writing scenarios for every member first.

requests are open!

masterlist + requests

you slammed your foot hard against the wall and cursed in pain. you hopped on one foot to your bed, holding your other leg in agony and tasted blood as you bit your lip to keep the volume of your suffering groans in check. someone knocked on the door.

'are you okay?' your roommate asked concerned.

'no, leave me alone, kevin,' you croaked out. you wanted to suffer by yourself.

there was an awkward silence and then you heard him sigh. soon after, the door next to your room closed shut.

why were you so frustrated, one might ask? well, the pandemic was kicking your butt and you just couldn't take it anymore. when the news of the virus had first spread, no one thought it would become this serious. but suddenly everyone was walking around with masks and spent most of their time staying at home.

after graduating high school, you and kevin had decided to move in together for college because both of you were broke and couldn't afford to live alone. you had been best friends since middle school and had been convinced that it was a smart idea at the time.

and everything went smoothly for the first one and a half years. however, after not seeing anyone else since the start of the pandemic over a year ago, it became increasingly difficult to share an apartment, but not in the way one might assume. you were neither sick of each other nor did you fight a lot. to tell the truth, it was quite the opposite.

earlier, before you had kicked the wall in anger, the two of you had painted together. kevin was majoring in art and, since you didn't have anything better to do, you joined him while he did projects for his classes. you might have been majoring in journalism but you had always liked drawing and painting, even though you weren't particularly skilled. you were a naturally clumsy person, always tripping over air and dropping things. today you were hecticly moving around your hands while telling him about a stupid video you had seen and you accidently let go of the brush in your hand. it hit the side of kevin's face, leaving a wide splodge of red paint on his right cheek.

to get back at you, he jerked his paint brush and splattered some green color on your white shirt. you saw this as a challenge and soon both of you were both drenched in the colors of the rainbow, laughing hysterically on the floor, not caring that you were spreading the paint on the poor carpet.

you turned your heads to look at each other and you felt absolutely in peace. you loved this man and couldn't be more glad that it was him and not anyone else you were stuck with inside of this apartment.

he stood up to take off his stained shirt and your smile quickly faded off your face. your lips slightly parted and you couldn't help but stare at his now exposed biceps and abs.

your mouth watered and you felt heat pooling between your legs as you took your time to study his architecture. thoughts about how badly you wanted him to thrust into you while his strong arms held you up invaded your mind. you tried to shake them off but it was impossible.

occasions like this were slowly becoming a common occurrence for you.

having mostly stayed inside for over a year, also meant that you didn't have sex for that long. it's not like you were the horniest person on the planet but you still had needs that were being neglected. with kevin being home all the time you didn't even dare to masturbate, scared that he would be able to hear you through the frustratingly thin walls. you must have gone insane with all the lust building up inside you and that's why you suddenly craved to have sex with your best friend. this whole thing was destroying everything. it was hard to act normal when he was making you this nervous and heated but you tried to pretend that everything was fine anyway for the sake of your friendship.

that was the reason why you were angry and had hurt yourself. you hated the way you felt about your best friend and you hated the pandemic for not giving you an outlet to escape so you could recollect yourself.

what you weren't aware of was that kevin was no stranger to the exact same frustration.

he would need more than his ten fingers and ten toes to be able to count the amount of times he had to run to the bathroom to hide his boner because he had done so much as look at you bend over or stretch. he didn't want to make you uncomfortable but it was a challenge to try and calm down his hormones.

whenever he jacked off, images of you flashed through his mind; your sweet curves and pink lips drove him insane.

last week, you two were cooking together and you had asked him to get the salt. he stood behind you to reach for it on the highest shelf. he was forced to press his crotch against your butt cheeks and his dick hardened against his will. he quickly handed you the salt, excused himself and ran off before you could figure out what had happened.

he might not have known the cause of your sudden outburst but he sympathized with your fury because he had a lot of pent up anger towards covid as well.

he lay in his bed and tried to focus on the book he was reading but he couldn't tune out the groans coming from the room next to his. he cursed.

'stop it!' he was panicking as he saw a familiar tent forming in his pants. your sounds triggered some weird perverted part of his brain that sent signals right to his genitals. his dick was hardening and he saw no other solution to his problem than to give in to his subconscious desires.

he pulled down his pants just far enough so that his cock had enough room to spring out. it only needed a few strokes before it stood tall and angry. kevin pressed his head into his pillow and moved his hand fast. he wanted to get over with it quickly. he emptied his cum on his stomach while imagining your greedy little mouth being stuffed by his cock. he lay there panting as yet another round of shame flushed over him.

'get yourself together,' he whispered, mentally slapping himself.

***

'do you want to order japanese or italian?' you asked kevin. today was friday which meant it was time for your weekly tradition of ordering take out and watching a movie.

'definitely italian. we've already had japanese for the past four days. I need something else for a change,' kevin complained and shuddered at the thought of having to eat sushi again. the japanese restaurant prepared absolutely delicious food but he just couldn't stand it anymore.

you laughed at his pained facial expression. 'fine, italian it is.'

within twenty minutes the doorbell rang and after about half a minute kevin came back with two huge boxes.

he opened them on the small table situated in front of your couch and the smell of freshly cooked pasta seasoned with basil made your stomach growl.

kevin wanted to dig in already but you stopped him. you had to choose a movie first.

'let's watch tall girl. I saw everyone hate on it on tiktok,' you suggested.

'I think we should watch 365 days, that was all over my for you page as well,' kevin argued. you hadn't heard of it so you weren't sure whether it would be the right movie for you. the rule was that it had to be as bad as possible.

'according to what I have heard, it's apparently even worse than 50 shades of grey,' kevin added which piqued your interest. the both of you had watched 50 shades about two months ago and you were honestly shocked by how awful it actually was. you couldn't understand why everyone had been so obsessed with it when it was first released. if 356 days was really worse, then you'd hit the jackpot. you clapped your hands.

'fine, you win. I swear if the movie isn't as horrible as you say it is then you owe me something!' he intertwined his pinky with yours to promise.

watching horrible movies was way better than watching good ones. making fun of bad storylines, stupid characters or horrible editing was one of your favorite past times.

'I guess I'll have to add are you lost, baby girl to the top 10 worst lines ever spoken. who thought ah yes this is sexy, let's have him repeat it over and over again', you complained, shoving some pasta into your mouth.

'so he's like I won't do anything without your permission while he is literally groping her boobs against her will, like make it make sense, massimo', added kevin, ruffling his hair in frustration. he almost completely forgot about the food.

'so let me get this straight: he drugged her, kidnapped her, tied her up, hung up a painting of her just because he saw her face when his dad was shot?'

'totally relatable.' both of you giggled.

you were enjoying complaining about the plot. it was horrible.

there were plenty of erotic scenes but they were honestly so funny and kinda gross that you could bare it without really being affected by them. kevin, on the other hand, had placed a pillow over his hard-on to hide the embarrassing fact that these terrible, smutty scenes had turned him on.

and then the infamous boat scene came.

massimo and laura had a huge fight, she fell of the boat, he saved her and now she was suddenly so in love with him that she begs him to fuck her. which he does.

you felt your panties become increasingly wet as the couple had steaming hot sex.

'this is embarrassing but I'm so horny,' you admitted but in a way that should have suggested that you meant it as a joke. something about this statement stirred something in kevin.

'well, what can I say?' he replied and lifted the pillow. your pupils widened at the sight of your best friend's bulge.

his eyes darkened and he looked at you with lust clearly written on his face. you reciprocated his stare with the same intensity. you tried to focus on his dark brown orbs instead of his boner but the image you had just seen was present in your mind.

his gaze shifted to your lips and, before you knew it, kevin climbed above you and pressed your back flat onto the couch.

your lips locked and you immediately buried your hands in his hair to pull him closer. you moved in sync, his lips fitting perfectly onto yours. you bucked your hips up against his crotch and earned a moan from kevin. he opened his eyes in shock as realization hit him. he quickly pulled away and jumped off the coach.

'I'm so sorry, y/n. I shouldn't have just done that. I don't know what came over me,' he apologized profusely, staring at his feet. did he really think that you didn't want this?

'give me your hand,' you told him and held out your hand.

'why?' he raised his eyebrows in confusion. you rolled your eyes.

'just do it.'

you took his hand and led it to your crotch.

'what are you- oh my god.' your juices had completely soaked through your panties and your sweatpants. 'you are so wet.'

'for you,' you added. 'there's no need to apologize. I'm literally begging you to continue.'

you didn't have to say that twice before he pulled you closer to him by your hips and engaged you in another desperate kiss. his hands were groping your butt while you let yours slide under his hoodie. you felt his naked skin and toned abs, as you rubbed his stomach. you lowered your hands and bravely palmed his boner through his clothes.

'y/n,' he hissed out against your lips. you hooked your thumbs in the elastic of his pants and underwear, and pushed the material down to his thighs. he struggled to get them off.

you stroked his hard dick as he slipped his hand into your panties to massage your pussy at the same time.

he slipped one finger inside and began working it in and out. you finally were getting the relief you had been desperately craving for for so long. kevin was skilled and your walls were trying to swallow his slim finger. you were quickly coming close to your orgasm after having abstained for more than a year. you pulled his hand out.

'I bet you can make me come even better with your dick,' you challenged kevin.

'you bet I will.' he was confident.

'let me just look for a condom.' he was already turning away to go search in his room but you held him back by the arm.

'forget about it. I'm on the pill and I want you raw. I want you to come inside me and not spill into a stupid condom.'

the idea of this sounded very tempting to kevin. he picked you up and threw you back onto the couch, drawing your hips closer to him so he could pull off all the pieces of clothing that were hindering him from accessing your pussy.

he propped up his arms next to your sides and spread your thighs apart. strings of arousal were hanging from your folds and he saw your hole desperately clench around nothing. his dick hurt from how much he wanted to finally be inside of you. he wanted to find out how close he had been able to imagine how you would feel around him.

your hole took him in easily, welcoming him happily by embracing it tightly. kevin swore he could've cum right here and there.

he went slow at first to give you a chance to adjust but you were already fully ready, rocking your hips forward to meet his thrusts.

he crashed your mouths together and you kissed him like he was oxygen and you were short of air. you smiled and your eyes rolled back, satisfied with how things had played out today and the prospects of coming looked fairly promising.

desperate for release, kevin picked up the pace, his eyes closed while fucking into you like a horny animal. he couldn't help himself and all the 'faster's and 'harder's spilling from your mouth only encouraged him to drive himself deeper into you.

you wrapped your legs around his torso in an attempt to regain the control you were losing.

'fuck fuck fuck,' you cursed, feeling your muscles starting to contract. kevin brushed away some hair that was stuck to your sweaty forehead.

'it's fine, I'm coming too,' he announced and it took only a few more thrusts before a body shaking orgasm flushed over you, making you see only white. this drove kevin over the edge too and he spilled inside you, filling you up with his hot cum. he continued to slowly ease his dick in and out of you, fucking his semen right back into you until you had ridden out both of your orgasms. he let himself fall onto the couch right next to you, panting hard.

'I very much needed this,' you sighed in content.

'same, I wasn't sure whether I could hold out any longer without having a proper orgasm.' he watched his cum drip out of you.

'we should've thought of this sooner,' you said. 'this was a great idea.'

kevin hummed in agreement.

***

so now you and kevin were having sex on a regular basis, your high score being five times in a day. it felt good to finally live out your sexuality and not having to restrict yourself. sure, you guys did it more than necessary but it was a great way to pass time and it felt fucking amazing.

today you had done it in the shower after waking up, then on the kitchen counter and you had just finished having sex in his bed.

he was spooning you from behind, his cock still placed inside of you. he nuzzled his nose into your neck.

'stop, that tickles,' you chuckled.

'sorry.'

after a while of comfortable silence you heard him let out a big sigh.

'what's wrong?' you asked as he pulled out of you. you turned around to be able to look at him.

'I don't think I can do it like this anymore,' he confessed.

'what do you mean?' you asked. 'are you talking about us having sex?'

he nodded. your heart dropped and you started feeling dizzy. you tried to search for answers in his eyes but he avoided looking at you.

'w-why?' you stuttered, trying to hold back the tears that were welling up in your eyes.

'it was amazing at first,' he started and finally raised his head to meet your gaze, 'and I went into it without much thought. I went crazy during quarantine and began fantasizing about having sex with you. then it became reality but now I understand that was probably wrong of me. I've always thought of myself as a gentleman, yet I slept with you without much thought. you see, my issue is this…'

suspense hung in the air and you were impatiently waiting for him to get to the point.

'I like you.'

you quietly gasped in surprise. you had been expecting him to say you were bad at sex and that he regretted everything but not this.

'I shouldn't be sleeping with you unless you were my girlfriend,' he finished off his ramble. you felt immensely relieved.

'do you want me to?' you asked him.

'want you to what?' kevin was confused. he had been a hundred percent sure you'd immediately jump out of the bed in disgust when he confessed.

'be your girlfriend. after all, I like you too, you moron.' you realized that you had known this for a while. you might have even been crushing on your best friend since way before the pandemic struck but it was kind of hard to track your feelings. still, you were sure you liked him too. now that he had admitted his feelings, you were able to admit yours not only to him but to yourself as well.

'wow, I didn't expect this,' kevin confessed surprised. you laughed.

'yeah, we should've realized this sooner.' he pulled you closer and kissed you. it was different than the other times. his lips moved softly against yours, in contrast to all of your rough and passionate kisses you had exchanged these past few weeks. he conveyed his emotions through the kiss.

'you're ready again?' you groaned as you felt kevin's dick harden against your upper thigh. he chuckled.

'sorry, you just turn me on so much.'

so then you did it for the fourth time. that day, you set a new record of having sex six times. you might have been happy now but still just as horny.

[thiserichann]

cookies and cream - lee jeno

reader x jeno

genre: smut, strangers to fuck buddies, humor if you squint hard enough

word count: 4k-ish

warnings: recklessness (she met with a stranger online, don’t do it kids) excessive lying, 18+ scenes that includes: oral (f receiving) face riding, soft dom!jeno?

This is merely a work of fiction and is not meant to hurt the image of Jeno and NCT. Again, don’t be as reckless as OP. This was just a fantasy of mine that I’ve been dying to get out of my system.

Holy fuck.

That's the only word that you've managed to utter when you decided to check your messages that morning.

You got bored in the middle of the class and decided to sneak a peek on your phone to pass the time. The class is recorded anyways so you can always just go back to the parts of the lessons that you've missed.

But holy fuck.

You never expected to see THAT so early in the morning.

"Miss Y/N?"

You snapped back to reality and stopped malfunctioning for a second when somebody called your name. Everyone including your professor remained quiet and all eyes are on you.

"Oh. Sir what’s the question again?"

You answered nervously as you tried to review your notes and backtrack on what he is discussing a few moments ago.

"I see that you're distracted in the middle of my class again. Mind sharing what you're occupied with?"

"Uhm. I was watching KPOP fancams, sir."

"Fancams won't get you into law school, Miss Y/N. Phones off please."

You tucked your phone back to your pocket and never picked it up again since. The professor started blabbering again but no information is being retained on your head. It stayed that way at your other classes.

You wished you were looking at some KPOP fancams earlier. You’ve watched fancams at class before and got away with it unscathed.

Oh no. It was a goddamn dick pic.

A good one, too.

It was from a guy that you met in a kink site a few days ago. You created the account out of boredom and expected nothing to come out from it. It’s all the flirting and sexting without all the unnecessary commitment

It only took you a few minutes to set up an account. For some privacy, you made a random birthdate and a random nickname, because like hell would you share your real information to these people. You also picked a racy picture of a lady that looked a bit like you and passed it off as your own.

Within minutes, your inbox is flooded with messages. Most of them, however, are from men who are old enough to be your father.

Well, you were bored, so you entertained everyone and then went on back to your boring, vanilla life. A few political history and theory books later, you went back to see which ones messaged you on the site.

And that's where you've met him.

The most gorgeous piece of meat alive.

He seems like a nice guy. He introduced himself as LJ and your age aren’t that far off from each other. LJ is the only one who actually engaged in conversation besides "want to fuck?" or "are you horny?"

As soon as you started messaging back and forth, you scrolled on his profile to see what he looks like. The only thing is, his profile looked a whole lot like those high fashion male underwear photoshoots.

It was an array topless pictures (presumably his, you just can’t be bothered to check if it is actually his). It featured his sculpted abs and biceps, cropped up all the way to his full lips. Despite not seeing his whole face, you knew very well that he’s a hunk. To say you were intrigued is an understatement.

Since then, you've been talking back and forth through Snapchat (your secret one because you're not stupid) and sent him actual pictures of yourself, completely omitting the face. You took one from your bed, your bathtub, and probably every part of your house that you felt is sexy enough to be included on the pics.

You can't tell him if it's him or the repressed sexual urges finally manifesting itself after more than a year of not getting laid, but every text to and from him made your heart race. It was something that you looked forward to every hour everyday.

Hours went by that you totally forgot leaving him on read. You climbed up to your bed to rest your back to the headboard and opened your unread messages.

You: Hey svlr. School stuff.

  He opened the chat and started typing right away.

  LJ: Oh good. I thought I did something wrong to upset you.

You: Not at all. I loved the pic by the way. It literally knocked my socks off.

LJ: Just the socks?

You: You can take the rest of it off yourself ;)

You scoffed. The flirty banter has always been there ever since you started talking but nothing really came out of it.

LJ: If only I could :(

You: I know. Covid’s a bitch.

You set your phone aside for a second to go to the bathroom. On your way, you picked up some snacks at the fridge and sat back down to your bed, only to find your phone blowing up.

LJ: If you're down maybe we could meet

LJ: It's totally fine if you don't want to

LJ: I just made it weird, didn't I?

LJ: I'm so sorry I brought it up in the first place

LJ: I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable

LJ: Hello?

LJ: I'm really sorry

You: Chill. I'm right here

You: I just went to the bathroom

LJ: Oh

You: I'd be lying if I said I don't want to meet you as well

You: Well... I wouldn't write off the idea

You: But with the Covid

LJ: Thoughts?

You: I don't think it's a great idea

The screen says Seen right at the bottom but it took him a couple more minutes before finally replying.

LJ: I understand

LJ: But in case you change your mind, I'll leave the time and place up to you

LJ: I’ll take care of the rest

LJ: Deal?

You: I'll sleep on it.

You: Speaking of sleep, I gotta go. Morning class.

LJ: Okay. I guess this is good night then

You didn't, in fact, talk to him the day after.

You'd be lying if you said that you didn't want to see him and his abs in real life. But as someone who overthinks a lot, you just can't shake off the risk.

You: Good night. Talk to you tomorrow.

What if he's not really the guy in the pics? Or he’s psycho in real life? What if he's infected the virus?

You sighed.

Why must some global pandemic ruin your sex life?

You waited until the end of the day before you finally replied to LJ. The last thing that he texted was a brief good morning from earlier in the day and nothing else. He’s actually a pretty sweet guy, totally not worth ghosting, and you actually liked talking to him as a friend that you can share your sentiments with.

With your guilt finally eating you up, you took a break from your assigned readings and sat back at your bed to rest for the day. Your fingers hovered over the keyboard for a minute, thinking of something to say to him. It took you a few tries before finally hitting the send button.

You: So, I thought about it

LJ: And?

You: I need to know I can trust you

LJ: Okay. How?

You: I don’t know. Send me a proof that you’re real. Get tested?

You: Is that fine with you?

Within a split second, he sent his reply.

He actually did it.

You couldn’t believe it but he actually did it.

LJ: Consider it done.

He got tested for physical, including the virus test, and passed with flying colors. He even sent you a vid of him inside a medical clinic.

He just sent the uncensored results this morning where you can clearly see his real name.

Lee Jeno.

LJ.

Seems legit.

Well, the uncreative nickname shouldn’t matter now because the results meant only one thing.

You’re gonna have to push through with your promise.

You got ready around noon that day. You can’t remember the last time that you actually got ready to meet someone that’s not a delivery guy or a relative passing on something to your family.

As someone who overthinks a lot, you actually got everything covered. You picked a place near a restaurant to eat. The police station is just a few blocks away just in case something happens, and right in front of a library…

“Where’re are you off to?”

You raised your backpack to show to your mother.

“I’m off to the library. I needed to get these renewed. Maybe pick up a novel or two.”

She looks at you from head to toe, eyeing that incredibly loose hoodie, faded denim jeans, some worn out sneakers that looked like it’s supposed to be thrown away years ago and a medical mask that covers about ¾ of your bare face. It’s just your usual attire whenever you go out for errands.

She just nodded and went back to watching her favorite soap opera.

“It’s nice that you’re out of your room for once. Take some cookies from the kitchen so you’ll have something to eat in case you get hungry.”

… as an alibi to get away from your strict parents.

As soon as you left the door and made sure that you’re out of sight, you found the nearest public toilet and grabbed a whole other outfit from your backpack. The hoodie is replaced by a white, ruffled see-through blouse and you ditched the jeans for a tight skirt that’s at least four inches above your knees. You tousled your hair a little bit and put on some powder and tiny hint of lipstick before putting your facemask back on again.

It’s been a while since you’ve done an elaborate scheme like this. Your skills got a little bit rusty, but they always work.

Sometimes you wonder if you’re really meant to be lawyer or a criminal instead.

You stepped out of the toilet and blended right back into society.

Now all you have to do is find wherever the hell LJ is.

Jeno sat anxiously as he waited for you right inside the café. He’s on his fourth cup of coffee but it didn’t do anything to calm his nerves down (geez I wonder why).

You: I’m almost at the café.

He’s been staring at his phone the whole time. Once he received your message, which is a pic of you in the bathroom after the outfit change, he almost choked on his drink.

This message sent him on a panic as he turned his camera on to see how he looked. He did some minor adjustments to his hair and he wiped off his eyeglasses clean with the sleeves of his hoodie (which did nothing for him by the way) and then casually sat down and played it off cool like he hasn’t been waiting for you for over an hour.

On your perspective, you walked inside the café and looked around for LJ. Fortunately, there was only guy inside the café, twiddling with his phone on his hands and as he kept on peeking through the glass windows as if he’s looking for someone.

From afar, he actually looked really cute. His appearance, a shy, nerdy dude with glasses, looked way off from the fuckboy image that you expected him to have in reference to the messages that you’ve been getting from him.

It’s always the quiet ones that are kinky. You should know, you are one.

You walked over to his table and tapped his shoulders to get his attention.

He froze for a moment before he finally managed to turn around and face you.

“You’re actually here.”

“I know. I’m just as surprised as you are.”

tap tap tap tap

The room is so quiet that the only thing you can hear is the sound of your heels tapping against the tiled floor. You can say that that is one of your observable annoying habits tapping your foot on the floor when you're a nervous wreck.

Sighing in retaliation, you removed your hoodie, fanning yourself as you tried to relax and get comfy on the hotel couch (which should be comfortable enough since you paid a shit ton of money on that room), switching the TV on to get your mind off of things. The lackluster array of shitty sitcoms didn’t distract you at all, but it instead reminded you of the reasons why you’re in that room in the first place.

Having nothing to do to pass the time, you paced back and forth in the room, finally sitting down once you realized that it looks way worse than you just tapping your foot. You folded your arms right across your chest, looking at the watch from time to time but the hands of the clock seem to be moving slower the more you stare at it.

Quarantine started almost a year ago and it's been very hard for you. Sexually. It's been almost a year since you've been touched by a man and you’re more than ready to jump on anyone’s dick at any this point,

Too bad that that dick is taking his sweet time in the bathroom.

tap tap tap tap

Your foot found its rhythm once again, only this time, you’re not nervous anymore. Your patience is wearing thin.

As if summoned by the constant tapping, the guy comes out of the bathroom, just casually drying himself while wearing nothing but the towel dangerously hanging on his waist and a boyish smile on his lips.

No biggie.

"Hey."

Suddenly, you’re not tapping anymore.

Head empty, just thoughts of a hot guy patting down a towel all over his toned body.

“I hope I didn’t make you wait for too long.”

He spoke, tossing aside the towel on his hands on the sofa, finally giving you a full view of him and all his glory.

You must admit, you’re skeptical at first. The guy that’s been sending you faceless thirst traps just days ago, telling you how he’d fuck you senseless looked a lot different from the guy who entered the hotel room just a moment ago.

He came in wearing those black oversized hoodies that did a great job in hiding his best features. His hair was a bit long for your taste, covering half of his face while the face mask hid the other.

But this man right here in front you, he’s Adonis.

You unconsciously bit your lower lip, earning a chuckle from the guy.

“I’m guessing that you’d like to start now?”

You nodded, the tension and awkwardness rendering you unable to speak.

He smiles as he takes the remote from you, turning off the television because the main show is about to start.

You started to tense up again, eyes wide as you realized that he’s now right beside you, wrapping his arms around you as soon as he sat down. He leans over, soft lips coming into contact with your exposed neck and shoulders, landing small pecks all over.

You sat there breathless as he slowly ran his fingers to the side of your thighs, tracing circles at it while giving small, reassuring kisses on your neck and shoulders. It’s as if he’s asking you for your consent, waiting for you to open up to him before he makes a move.

He got his answer when you turned around to face him, running your fingers into his cheeks before cupping his face, your lips finally touching his. He moved in the same pace as earlier, slow and calculating. You got a bit impatient once again, biting his lower lips gently to let him know that he can do more.

He grabbed you by the waist and successfully placed you on top of him. The kiss got even more sloppy as you ran your hands through nape, then into his soft locks. His hands travelled once again, finger running through legs again, stopping as soon as he reached the hem of your skirt, flipping it up to reveal the thin lace material that barely covered your core. You took that as initiative to remove the towel on his waist and grinded against his growing member, the friction and heat enough to earn a groan out of him.

He held your waist once again, firmly this time, halting your movement completely.

You broke away from the kiss, staring him in the eyes to read his face.

“Something wrong?”

“Hold tight.”

You were about to ask about what hold tight mean, but your arms cling unto him involuntarily as he lifts the both of you out of the sofa.

Jeno laid you gently in the bed, making sure not to break eye contact as he does so. He looked like he's about to eat you alive, which is enough to send flush to your cheeks.

“I would’ve loved to bend you over that sofa, but I think it’s just proper that our first time will be on the bed.”

"God. You're beautiful."

He then ran his fingers towards the thin fabric of your blouse, feeling every part of your torso like he's memorizing every detail of it. His hands then travelled in your chest, squeezing the swell of your breasts on each hand, fingers shaking as he does so. It felt like an artist admiring his delicate work of art.

He situated himself between your legs, taking a moment to admire you first before doing anything else.

He started to run his hand on your cleavage and stopped on the uppermost button of your blouse, taking his time to remove all of them and placing a kisses at the exposed skin. After all of the buttons are taken care of, you lifted your body up and slid off the fabric. Your black lacy bra finally made its appearance. You took the liberty of taking that off too, as slow and as you possibly can.

 Jeno just stared at your body in awe, breathing heavily as his eyes scanned your naked glory.

 "Gorgeous."

He said under this breath before leaning down to claim your lips once again. You're turned on by how much attention he's giving your body now. You're usually loud in bed but his gestures are making you bashful. You've never felt this beautiful before.

You can feel his hands trembling as it travels all over your body, his kisses getting even more needy. There was moans of satisfaction every time he would lick your lips. Jeno was kissing you like you were oxygen and he needed to breath.

His hands travelled south, running across your thigh and your now aching core. You're about to remove your skirt and underwear but he stopped your hands midway.

"Keep it."

He took your hands away from your skirt and placed them just above your head.

"Just sit there and relax baby. Let me treat you."

You did just like he told you and gave him full control of your body.

"Good girl."

His lips brushed your ears, whispering sweet nothings about how beautiful you are under him. His kisses then went down to your neck, using his tongue and teeth, marking everything he can get his mouth on with his saliva. Meanwhile, his hands finally touched you down there, massaging your still clothed wetness.

His middle and index finger felt your slit, moving it in swift motion in search for your clit.

"Oh my god. That's it."

You gasped as his fingers finally hit the right spot, tossing your head back as his fingers made circles at your bundle or nerves.

You opened your legs more, leaning on your arms on your back, head tossed back and eyes closed as you feel your impending orgasm.

He dipped his hand inside your underwear and collected some of your essence with his fingers. The mental picture of him licking his fingers deliciously is enough to get you off for weeks.

It didn't take long before he took your panties off and his ducked his head down. He opened your legs once again and licked one long stripe on your core, making sure to taste all of you. You sat there and watch as he hungrily takes all of you in his mouth, acting like your pussy is a full course meal and he's been starving for years.

Within moments, you've become a moaning, toe curled mess. You ran your fingers to his blonde hair, guiding him on how to move his tongue and fingers on you. At one point, he bit some of your sensitive skin, making you scream a string of curses under your breath.

"Stop stop stop."

You grab a fistful of his hair and he paused from what he was doing. You pushed him gently away from you, leaving him staring at you confusedly. The confusion didn't last long when you flipped your current position, you're now on top.

"Can I ride your face?"

At this point, you're bold and horny enough to use your words and ask him. He just nodded, sliding himself from underneath you and went back to eating you like a champ. You grabbed his hands and placed them across your chest, squeezing your breasts to send him a message. He was quick to pick up and followed suit, pinching your nipples right in between fingers while your ride his face to orgasm.

"Shit. I'm coming..."

  You writhed from above him as you come undone. Your body felt cold all over. Your eyes are ringing, feeling dizzy as you almost passed out while you bucked your hips a few more times to milk your release.

You didn’t have time to recover when you heard your phone ringing from outside. Your legs felt a little shaky and you almost tumbled and hit your head in the wall if Jeno didn’t help you get up. You  sat down on the floor, butt-ass naked as you frantically searched for your phone from under all of your stuff before you finally pressed the answer button.

“Yes mom?”

“Where have you been? Your father’s been looking for you at the library. He’s picking you up on your way home.”

You buried your head on the couch to shake off the buzzing feeling on your head. You placed a pillow on your body while you searched for your discarded clothes all over the hotel room.

“Oh yeah. I went to the café and got something to eat. Tell Dad I’ll meet him outside the library.”

“Okay sweetie. Can you pick up some groceries on your way back? I’ll text you the list.”

“Yeah mom. Bye.”

You breathe a sigh of relief as you started putting on the outfit that you wore when you left home.

“Where are you going?”

Jeno reluctantly got dressed as well, his shy demeanor came back as soon as he wore his glasses and fixed his hair.

“I got to go, Jeno. I’m sorry that I’m leaving in such a bad time…”

You went over to him and placed a sweet kiss on his lips.

“I promise to make it up to you next time, okay? I’d love to meet you again.”

You grabbed a paper bag from your backpack and handed it to him, waving as you bolted out the door.

After fixing his things, he sat down for a moment and took a quick peek inside the package that you left him.

It was a ziplock bag of full of cookies and a whole other treat.

You left him your two-piece lace lingerie.

To be continued.

[keyofjetwolf]

Bonus Question Answers! (non-anime heat 1)

I asked a silly question! You gave me incredible answers. SO VERY MANY INCREDIBLE ANSWERS. Now, I present my favourites!

Another that was so so so hard to narrow down. I did have to make special mention, though, at the sheer volume of you who (correctly) pointed out Haruka and Michiru either spending their quarantine fucking, or frustrated at being unable to fuck. Thank you, heroes.

If your answer is listed below, you’ve earned an entry in a random draw to win a GIFTENING liveblog OF YOUR CHOICE

—

Q:  The Senshi are all quarantining together! Describe what a wonderful/terrible/wonderrible idea this is. (YOU CANNOT BE TOO DETAILED)

~~~

*  First things first: if the Senshi are all quarantining *together*, then they must be old enough to be not living with their parents (or lack thereof). Furthermore, they must be living in a place big enough to accommodate all of them. Now, the Outers already have a huge fuck-off house, so if we're cheating and saying ALL the Senshi, not just the Inners, then we can say that Usagi and the girls moved in with Haruka and the girls after high school. Usagi and Makoto and Minako have almost certainly snubbed college; Ami and Rei not only attending, but Ami is aiming to get her Master's, so both of them have to take online courses. Setsuna is teaching them. Haruka and Michiru graduated from college *ages* ago. Hotaru also has to take online courses, but for high school since she'd be about that age at this point. Chibs is not here because she's smarter than to travel back in time to when there was a GLOBAL PANDEMIC. Now then! Usagi is moping because she can't see Mamoru or Chibi-Usa, so she reads manga and watches TV to distract herself. As per her usual she mostly shoves her nose into what everyone else is doing, then gets distracted by a passing butterfly and chases it until she finds something new to stick her nose into. She's honestly taking the quarantine the hardest, even though she's living in a house with all her closest friends. The delivery guy knows her by name and by her super-cute hand-sewn (by Makoto) pink-and-white bunny mask. Makoto has sewn everyone custom masks, actually, which brings us to... Makoto naturally is doing the cooking and cleaning and laundry, and while she does love doing these things, she's now doing them for NINE PEOPLE, and Usagi has never learned to fold a sock in her life, and Ami folds socks but is crazy busy with her coursework, and Minako/Rei/Michiru/Haruka can't be bothered for one reason or another, and Makoto is about to explode because everybody assumes she'll do everything and do it smiling and normally they wouldn't be WRONG but COME THE FUCK ON YOU GUYS. She is in a constant state of being two steps away from an explosion. The only saving grace is Setsuna, who does actually help out in between teaching online courses, and who patiently listens to Makoto vent, because she understands that if Makoto melts down, so will the rest of the household. Makoto has a pink-and-green rose mask; Setsuna has a wine red mask with black stitching. Ami has vanished into her room. STUDY, STUDY, STUDY, STUDY. She is literally taking four courses at once because with a global pandemic, a) what else is there to do with one's life b) the rest of the household is utter chaos c) MUST DEVELOP VACCINE. She has actually be helping researchers online with this under an anonymous name. She *wants* to go out and volunteer, but understands that the best thing she can do is quarantine properly. She is constantly lecturing everyone about Best Quarantine Practices, to the point that the others mostly tune her out now. This is only piling onto her constant stress. Hotaru visits her occasionally with tea and textbooks so they can study and destress together. It's good for both of them, especially since Hotaru, with her health issues, is the most at risk of all of them. Hotaru's also used to isolation, so she's a surprisingly stabilizing presence for everybody. Ami and Hotaru both have standard hospital red-lined white masks along with their custom masks (Ami's is light blue with dolphin clasps on the side; Hotaru's is designed based on that optical illusion that's either a lamp or two people facing each other), because you need one for when the other is in the wash. Minako has become a Twitch game streamer and beauty YouTuber and is updating both CONSTANTLY, with YT guest star appearances by Michiru (who is always effortlessly and flawlessly beautiful) and Rei (who is using Minako to promote her own YouTube channel). Minako tried to get Usagi to be the camerawoman for her YT show but Usagi wanted to be the star too much, so now Minako as strong-armed Haruka into doing it. Haruka is bored out of her mind because she can't go out on drives, so she helps Minako out without complaint. Sometimes she even guest-stars on Minako's Twitch streams, depending on the game. Getting to film beautiful girls making themselves even hotter? Sure, she's into that. Minako's mask is glittery gold with red ribbons for cords; Rei's mask is black with flame decals on the sides; Haruka's is a solid black, tight and sporty; Michiru's is seemingly plain white, "coincidentally" complementing Haruka's, but is made of fine linen and silk. Rei meanwhile doesn't actually know what her channel is about and didn't give two shits about YouTube until Minako started doing it, but Minako is actually raking in a stupid amount of cash from doing this, so Rei figured, how hard could it be?? Right now she's somewhere in between doing her own beauty channel, doing paranormal investigations, cooking channel (she proudly presents instant meals as time- and money-saving masterpieces without an ounce of self-awareness. Haruka has had to hold Makoto back from suplexing her more than once), and a video review column where she tries things out and gives her opinions on them. She's *absolutely furious* that her channel is not as popular as Minako's. She's also strongarmed Haruka into being her camerawoman. Michiru allows this because watching Minako and Rei fight over their respective channels is the most amusement she's had all year. Ami asks Rei when she finds the time to study. Rei ignores her.  -- @ayu-ohseki  [I said spare no detail, AND YOU DID NOT. Thoughtful, considered, and a fun read start to finish, amazing.]

~~~

*  It is the best. Minako has a captive audience, Makoto has everyone to cook for, Rei has taken charge of how to Do Everything, Ami can hole up with her books and tutor Usagi, Usagi has all the time to play games and read comics. It is the worst. Minako has a captive audience and they want new stories faster than she can make them. Makoto has everyone to cook for and they eat so much all the time. Rei has taken charge of how to Do Everything but no one will listen. Ami can hole up with her books but that doesn't mean its quiet enough to read, and she can tutor Usagi but that doesn't mean Usagi is even making a small attempt at listening like in the group study sessions. Usagi has all the time to play video games and read comics, but no one will let her, especially Rei. -- @cakeandpi  [Loved the Dickensian Best of Times/Worst of Times structure, precisely the level of epic this clusterfuck needs.]

~~~

*  In the best of situations, it is difficult to find housing for nine people on short notice, and these are not the best of situations. Given that she had, from at least the age of four, been bound to the moon by a curse of blood, it should not have come as any grand opportunity to Michiru that the opportunity to recuse herself from larger society life would be immediately and aggressively offset by Haruka's invitation for the Senshi to come quarantine at the Kaioh beach cottage. 

One might assume that perhaps Usagi's parents, or Ami's mother, or Rei's grandfather, might have objected to their children being out of their sight in such a time, but that is to discount the general narrative inconvenience that seemed to pursue Michiru to the last. "Babe, there's like 6 bedrooms in the place," Haruka has said, quite missing the point entirely that Michiru had made it her goal to make use of everyone one of them. And so, here she was, where one might be sipping a glass of champagne on the veranda overlooking the sea, lover at her side, instead she was listening to the endless sniping between Rei and Usagi as they pattered about the house, there was no lover next to her, but only Ami with her endless piles of conspicuously books that Michiru felt quite certain had been selected for the view their covers provided others, Mako sending away the cook for what were noted to be COVID concerns but Michiru felt were more the concern of her longing for the spacious kitchen. Her mind preserved her enough not to speak of Minako, nor of the fact that the one she would have beside her was currently playing Mario Kart with such. Hotaru and Pluto were there, also. Michiru took another deep drink of the wine. With the volume she was consuming, she would have to switch to boxed wine. At this rate, she may qualify as hand santizer herself, which nearly stayed her hand. Usagi wailed loudly at Rei. Michiru took another drink. No Matter, she thought, for I will not die before my appointed time. The Moon will certainly see to that.  -- @docholligay  [You absolutely catered this to me and you know it, you whore. Hilarious AND beautifully written, I detest you.]

~~~

*  Usagi is thrilled to have all of her favorite people in one place. Mako will cook! Ami will read to them! Mina will write and Rei will direct plays for them all to perform! Haruka will make sure they stay fit! Michiru will teach them etiquette! Hotaru and Setsuna will also be there! Her favorite cats will be there to purr and offer guidance without actual knowledge and nagging! Yay! After a week, Usagi is still relentlessly happy. To be otherwise would be to admit that her friends are not perfect, perfectly suited for each other, and perfectly happy. She hasn't seen Haruka and Michiru at all in days; they commandeered the back bedroom with it's own bathroom and the others only know they're still in there by the noises *ahem*, by the food delivery people who keep coming to the door, and the empty food containers that appear in the hallway. Mina and Rei are not speaking to each other after the Hair Clip Incident. Ami is still diligently serving as a go-between, but Mako refused and will not give either of them any of her cooking, so Rei keeps making Hello Curry and leaving the kitchen a disaster, while Mina somehow keeps convincing Haruka and Michiru's uber eats drivers to give her stuff. There is only one litter box for the two cats, and that is not enough. And Artemis keeps leaving the seat up on the toilet. No one knows how, or why, but he does. Hotaru and Setsuna are also there. Worst (best?) of all, Usagi doesn't miss Mamoru at all, and hasn't actually noticed his absence. He's been missing for three days. -- @incorrecttact  [I ADORE the little touch of Usagi having to aggressively fake it because even she is struggling THIS CANNOT BE ALLOWED. You made me bark laugh at the end. Glorious.]

~~~

*  Rei's Journal: It's day 8 under lockdown and I have somehow managed to retain my sanity. It has not been easy. By day 4 Minako and Makoto were at each other's throats because Minako tried to clip her toenails in the kitchen, due to Ami holing herself up in the bathroom. Makoto threatened to make Minako eat a toenail burrito, and by God I think Minako actually would eat it just to show Mako up. It has been a struggle to keep Usagi from eating all the food, and I fear she is contemplating the idea of eating Luna and/or Artemis. Ami is retreating further and further into her shell. She has solved every math problem in every math book she had at her disposal, and is now showing withdrawal symptoms. The walls of her room are covered in math equations. I am doing as best I can; my rations of "Here!" Quarantine snacks have been balanced to last me for at least the next week, but after that point I am not sure what happens. As a shrine maiden, I'm used to long periods of silence in my meditation. It's been difficult keeping my focus with Usagi and the others slowly losing their minds, but I am a survivor if nothing else. If I could survive D-Point, I can survive this... Wait I didn't survive D-Point FUCK.  -- @judedeluca  [Rei’s journal, yes, thank you for catering to me directly, I appreciate your service and killer ending.]

~~~

*  Everyone's locked into separate rooms by day 2, or make-shift rooms with blankets taped to the ceiling. By day 3, there's lines on the floor. Ami makes a timetable for when everyone can go to shared spaces like the kitchen or bathroom. Usagi is distressed that all of her friends can't get along, even as she has an existential crisis about not wanting to be around them herself. Rei is suddenly the mom friend, when Mako realizes that trying to help everyone leads to her stress-baking leads to her taking too much time in the kitchen leads to everyone more pissed off. Minako is alternately drunk off her ass and egging everyone on, or making notes for pressure cooker situations to add to training. Haruka gets more sullen than anyone's seen her, Michiru loses some of her polish as her nerves finally fray by the end of the week, and is cussing people out by day 9. Setsuna immediately regrets her decision not to hunker down at the time gate. Hotaru's glad to be included but so anxious she starts collecting the house's lamps in her area. Ami has to make a timetable for using those as well, so Hotaru doesn't call death to them all. Somehow, they survive. When things let up, they all promise not to speak of it again, at least not directly, and then immediately all take at least 3 days to be by themselves in their own spaces. -- @katrani  [Usagi’s existential crisis, yessss. Hotaru stress-hoarding lamps though, everything I never knew I wanted.]

~~~

*  Ordered in Michru's least loss to greatest, or conversely, Usagi's greatest loss to least: 1) they stay at Michiru's mansion. It's huge. It's spacious. Michiru disappears within minutes and isn't seen again until 14 days later. Pluto finds her easily enough for tea, Rei does so out of dogged determination, and Haruka doesn't have to try. Usagi does, but she gets lost easily and there are so many snacks everywhere, she gets distracted. what's that? A room filled with tvs? another with comics? Mako worries about her getting cavities and uses the greatest kitchen ever to cook things up. She almost never leaves there. Ami poisons the pool every time she leaves as part of the great Hatemace. Chibs and Hotaru get a chance to be kids and actually play. If the starlights are there, Seiya and Haruka have a dramatic face off. Mina makes sure to leave graffiti everywhere. Despite her best efforts, she can't find Michiru's weakness. Artemis and Luna take a vacation. 2) They stay at Usagi's, Minako's, or Ami's. They do not stay at Rei's because Grandpa is old and Rei has put the fear of god in anyone who dares come to the temple. The houses/apartments are small and cramped with just the five inners. With everyone else? Chaos. Artemis and Luna are glad they aren't affected and escape. Chibs conveniently stays in the covid-free future/"look, I already have teh vaccine! I don't have to stay here with you". Hotaru contemplates reincarnating again. Mako enjoys time with Usagi's mom, cooking together (no, she isn't crying, you're crying). Minako takes extremely long showers to piss Michiru off. Michiru is not sure how she got forced into this, she feels the hand of god in play and curses the writer internally. Pluto unravels the mystery of super!spy!Usagi's Dad but no one will ever know the answer to that. Ami escapes online and plays sims where they all have their own rooms, with Jet's help. Rei turns on the stove and pretends its the great fire to meditate. Haruka likes this long sleepover! She's never got to do one before! Usagi agrees and they plan horror movies and games and fast food. If the starlights are there, Seiya plans an even greater slumber party. Usagi helps both because more parties are always better. 3) They stay at Mako's two-room apartment. Chibs doesn't even step into the past, she's heard the horror stories from her aunts. Hotaru begins the sequence for the end of the world. Word of god or no word of god, Michiru refuses to go. When the narrative railroads her into it, she claims the balcony for herself, furnishes it, and locks the door so no one else can come. Pluto stays in the void, unreachable by all. Mako has never seen her apartment so filled and noisy and she's both elated and afraid for her plants. Her plants are terrified and tremble the entire time. Rei lives in the oven. Minako claims the bathroom--a toll is required for anyone else to enter. Ami puts all her brainpower to finding a cure to escape this hellhole. The bedroom is a nonstop competitive slumber party, and  Minako, Haruka, and Seiya have a song off. A toll is still required to enter the bathroom. Usagi breaks onto the balcony once to hug Michiru.  -- @kumeko  [I love the different branches, ALL THE SHENANIGANS]

~~~

*  (Putting Inners in college so Ami isn’t on call as a doctor) The good news is that the Outers’ ridiculously spacious mansion is, in fact, ridiculously spacious enough to accomodate eleven people (I’m certain Mamoru was not in your intentions, but it was agreed that Mamoru is a good quarantine podmate who will follow all necessary rules, and also Usagi would be insufferable if he’s not there and Mako points out that he lives alone and the social isolation would be killer) and three cats. Haruka’s happy to have Minako around all the time, and Pluto and Hotaru are thrilled to have Chibs. (Rei asked why Pluto and Chibiusa can’t just go back to their own times. Pluto gives a lengthy explanation about past and future virology that may or may not be total bullshit. No one really knows with her.) Ami is continuing her studies, as she does, and has a consistent schedule involving Study Hours and Socializing Hours. She does, however, make sure to swim in the Outers Mansion Pool every day at the same time Michiru customarily does. Neither of them says anything about this. Their rivalry continues. Michiru knows every nook, cranny, and secret passage there, and can easily avoid anyone who’s gotten stir-crazy should she so choose. Mako has taken command of the kitchen, and cannot be talked out of doing all the cooking. The food is delicious, nutritious, and is basically Quarantine Baking Times Twelve. Her skills are appreciated by all. Mamoru is likewise well-behaved, and mostly spends his time being quietly useful, spending time with Usagi, and listening to classical music with Michiru without otherwise interacting with her, making him the one man whose presence she will tolerate. The cats are well-behaved. They are the ones who are quarantining well. Minako, of course, is dying of boredom by the month and a half mark, and proceeds to take up a wide variety of hobbies, only to move on when they turn out way less fun than the video suggested. She annoys the others to show her how to bake tarts, or paint, or whatever it is Pluto does all day. Eventually she does find something she enjoys enough to stick with - wirework. While her preference is for jewelry, she does work with larger scale stuff just enough to present Mamoru with her masterpiece - Chicken Sculpture 2.0. (He seethes.) Rei, meanwhile, has also taken up new and exciting hobbies, but she will determinedly stick with each one until she has reached an arbitrary goal of Accomplishment. Even when she hates them, as is the case with birdwatching, Zumba, Mako’s attempts to refine her sense of taste, and trying to follow professional wrestling. She does take to cross-stitching once she discovers it’s basically stabbing something until it’s art. Felting, too. Between that and cleaning she’s a delight when she and Minako are not grating against each other. Which is frequently, with them both taking up all these new hobbies. (When assigning rooms, Michiru thought ahead. Rei’s and Usagi’s are next to each other, at the end of the hall. They bicker as much as ever but everyone else can get distance when really needed.) Usagi is happy to be somewhere with all her dearest friends, all the time! She is VERY BAD at waiting patiently until everyone else’s Productive Hours are over, be they online classes and homework or painting or quietly stealing Mamoru’s abstract mosquito coil shirt and throwing it through the Gate of Time and into a void where it will never again darken their sight. (Pluto isn’t a monster, and replaces it with a similar but less incomprehensible white T-shirt with a pattern. Mamoru assumes this was Minako’s doing.) Artemis assigns himself as resident Blonde Disaster Watcher, while Chibiusa - currently visiting as a roughly 14-year-old, matching Hotaru - smugly points out that she’s handling quarantine just fine. This prompts a round of furious research by the rest of the house as to whether or not cats can drink alcohol. Haruka’s practically run down a path around the Sprawling Kaioh Estate on which the mansion sits. How can she angst gaily without a mission? Sure obviously staying home and keeping safe is the most important thing and she will do her part, but that’s not nearly dramatic enough to hate herself for if she decides she’s quarantining inadequately! Michiru decides the best thing for this is to take her, Usagi, and Minako and sit them all down with empty scrapbooks. Usagi and Haruka emerge after the pandemic with eighteen volumes of Important Friendship Scrapbooks. There’s an adorable doodle of them high-fiving on the title page of each one. They designed it themselves. Despite this all, quarantine does actually pass without any of them killing each other, though Haruka and Michiru do strongly consider sending the others to Hikawa Shrine instead. Grandpa Hino can manage all this energy. No one except Chibiusa thinks to ask how Hotaru’s doing. They forgot to check her room.  -- Regalli  [I know legit sadness in my Senshi Heart that I cannot see Haruka and Usagi’s scrapbooks with my own eyeballs. Loved this whole thing, but fucking Hotaru at the end hahahah]

~~~

*  It's all a matter of perspective. Mako and Ami will keep themselves consistently busy with cooking/baking, plant caregiving, reading, eating sandwiches, etc. Mako will eventually cave, after like, day 6 and there are 3 dozen scones, they lost count of cookies, and they've got frozen meals for weeks. Rei keeps telling her to stop cooking because she stumbled into Mako's apartment with armfuls of Here! Curry! and convenience store meals. Usagi is sooooo boooooored all the time and that's a dangerous combo with Minako being soooooo booooooored all the time. The Rube-Goldberg machines, the destruction, the pranks. More about Rei sadly as I know you don't particularly care for her at all whatsoever: she is a rollercoaster. Every day is too different but it's also always the same. Usagi is eating too much of her food but nobody else is eating enough. It won't go bad this way, but Usagi STOP I GOT THAT KIND OF CHIPS FOR ME. She finds some peace with Michiru who herself trying to keep a grasp on her ~*ara*~ ness but won't admit that by day four has been wanting out. "The girls are sweet" she convinces herself as she listens to another screaming match between Usagi and Rei while Minako snapchats everything. Haruka lost it by the second day, she can't stand not doing anything and not being in motion. At first this was channeled into doing small workouts that Mako sometimes participated in from a distance, but those have stopped. How long have you been laying on her floor today, Haruka? You gonna get up and have something to eat today Haruka? Hotaru and Chibs keep themselves busy with games and movies (Chibs and Usagi fight over the TV), Setsuna plays sometimes but is just happy to watch and enjoy these moments of peace. Chib's pride is on the line because she is getting bored by day 5 but she will not be sooooooo booooooored like Usagi. Mamoru begins to bring them all takeout by day 10 and slips Michiru a bottle of wine when she comes down, she is grateful, the label brings a tear to her eye, he knows good wine. Luna and Artemis are there. They sure are cats, and they can come and go if they want. They are envied. At some point they are all laying in the living room together. They don't know how long, someone's playlist is playing in the background. They don't care. It's the longest anyone has gone without talking. It's the one of the few times they've truly felt connected with one another as a team. Minako then asks, "If I ate myself, would I become twice as big or cease to exist?" It was nice while it lasted.  -- @thatonemoonie  [Every detail is divine, but oh my god Minako’s question at the end, THANK YOU.]

~~~

*  Michiru does not have enough wine and the Moon will pay for what she has endured. -- the Lord of the Sea  [Summing it up in the perfect single sentence, brilliant.]

~~~

*  It's Usagi's idea, really. Quarantine procedures are announced and she can't help but imagine what it will be like for all her friends. Minako, stuck with family she doesn't get along with. Ami's mom under even more stress as an essential worker, probably avoiding her daughter to keep her safe from the virus. Makoto, completely alone! Rei, probably regressing from not seeing other people! This cannot stand. Usagi has visions of Mako making gigantic family style meals and keeping things scrupulously clean. Ami contentedly petting Luna and Artemis and keeping them all up to date on how things are progressing. Minako livening the mood by driving Rei insane. And all is right in Usagi's world. It IS like that... sometimes. Being stuck together 24/7 has its ups and downs, and there has never been a situation as prolonged as this one. There are tense moments, and fights over silly things like toilet paper and Usagi running up the phone bill by calling Mamoru so often. It's cramped. Ami tries to keep them up on their distance learning, and checks temperatures daily. They try some disastrous DIYS and recipes when supplies get low. Usagi and Rei have an emotional moment when one night, she tries to secretly use Moon Healing Escalation on the city. In the end, they come through stronger than ever, like always. Just with a lot more appreciation for distance and personal space.  -- @yunyin  [All incredible, but you absolutely fucking GOT ME with Rei catching Usagi trying to heal the city, DELICIOUS ANGST]

---

I’ll be drawing for the bonus liveblog around the start of THE GIFTENING 2020 (currently looking to be Monday, 11 January 2021). Each bonus question is another chance to earn an entry! I CAN ABSOLUTELY AND SHAMELESSLY BE BOUGHT.

[medea10]

Medea’s Worst Year of All-Time Anime/Game Superlative

Nobody saw this year coming…except for maybe Barbara Walters! Who could have predicted that this year would bless us with Australia burning, the entire west coast of the U.S. set on fire, stupid people setting fires because they wanted to reveal a baby’s gender, murder hornets, Ruth Bader Ginsburg dying, an almost war with Iran, serial killer mascots arrested, policemen killing unarmed black folks for having a counterfit $20, policemen killing unarmed black folks for breaking up a fight, policemen killing black folks for holding sandwiches, policemen killing unarmed black folks for fucking sleeping, a wide variety of “Karens” coming out of the woodworks, the end of Bojack, the end of Steven Universe, the end of Empire, and a pandemic so huge it’s killed the economy, canceled fun, and given the U.S. president the dumb-fuck idea of injecting bleach to kill the virus!?

SERIOUSLY, WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED ALL OF THIS WAS GOING TO FALL IN OUR LAPS LIKE HOT COFFEE ON THE CROTCH?!

At least there was anime this year.

…

At least there was SOME anime this year.

…

Biden won the election and Vickeblanca came out with Black Catcher this year.

Hey internet, it’s Medea here to give you her trashy opinion on this years anime and games that she’s watched or played. Because for some reason, my loser-ass loves to do out-dated as fuck memes! I shouldn’t complain, this shit brings a lot of attention to my page every year when I do this. Yes, 2020 was a complete dumpster fire so large that Domestic Girlfriend is crying foul. Many of us had to go on lockdown and ended up binge-watching the entire 957+ episodes of One Piece. I did no such thing. I am one of those “essential workers” so I didn’t hunker down for 9 months straight. But when I was home, I was watching anime. Actually, I would have done that even without the pandemic. I’m an introvert and find the human race to be deplorable.

You all know how this goes. I go over the best this year had to offer me. I had to search really hard to find the good in this year, especially in the anime world. Many things had to be put on hiatus or were delayed to a later date. Just a reminder, I don’t discriminate in what year the anime or game came out. If something came out in the happier times of 2007, that anime or game counts! Let’s get at it!

First Fandom of 2020: Interspecies Reviewers

Did anyone expect a fan-favorite of 2020 was going to be a hentai? Did anyone have on their batshit 2020 bingo card that a hentai was going to grab everybody’s attention? At the beginning of the year, my mind was set on the Railgun sequel and Eizoken. It wasn’t until licensors, streaming sites, and TV stations in Japan dropped this series that I started to pay attention. And got immediately hooked! It’s about three men going to different brothels and reviewing their time with the ladies. And these ladies are of different species! So with every bang comes possible enlightenment, new kinks, or a night of having your dick sucked off more than humanly possible. This anime blew away all of my skepticism and first impressions right out the window. Maybe it’s because I’m a degenerate and am often curious about sexual content, but this was a guilty pleasure of mine this year.

Favorite Main Character of 2020: Moroha from Yashahime

I know the majority of this story is going to revolve around Towa and Setsuna, but can we please focus a little more energy on the spunky, quarter-demon girl?! I know they’re pitting Moroha as the comic relief, but I’m hopeful that she’s going to surprise us one day. We fans of InuYasha would spend the past decade and some change wondering what InuYasha and Kagome’s daughter would be like. This year, we got our answer with Moroha. She’s got this wild side to her, probably due to the fact that she’s spent her entire life on her own. And while she’s silly at times, she can get down to business in a pinch. She has her father’s sense of smell. She has a sword. She’s able to shoot sacred arrows much like her mother. And to top it all off, she has this special rouge that if she puts it on, she’s able to unleash that ¼ demon power inside her and become Beniyasha! Yeah, I know the power only lasts a minute, she’s only 14, give her a break! I will gladly go through another week scratching my head at the confusion this story gives me if I get to see one more second of Moroha and her crazy antics or her bad-ass slaying.

Favorite Villain of 2020: The Devil Believers from Black Clover

This was one hell of a year for Black Clover. It would have been an easy choice to pick the devil and possible super devil that appeared during the elf fight. But I’d like to give a nod to the filler arc villains. And you can’t blame this group for wanting the power of the devil. They’re literally the bottom-rung of the Clover Kingdom and ones with little to no power or mana. So I can agree with why they would want the power of the devil. For one thing, they’d have more power. And for another thing, they’d be able to exact revenge on those who have wronged them. On some occasions I agree with exacting revenge and when it comes to the nobles and some characters in Black Clover, some folks do deserve death. I mean, have you met the king of the Clover Kingdom? Plus, this town and many other poorer towns get looked over by the kingdom. Peasant uprise! Anyways, I thought these people were really crafty in their crimes. I mean, they were able to knock Asta out on his ass with specially made poisons. I was actually hooked to this story of Black Clover (despite it being a filler arc). I know we’ll never see them again as they have been exiled, but it did have me semi-rooting for them.

Favorite Video Game Character of 2020: Honey from Pokemon – Sword & Shield (Expansion Pass)

Sorry Raymond from Animal Crossing!

Honey is the saucy wife of Mustard…I did not expect that to come out the way it did, but here we are! She has one hell of a team you can fight once a day. She looks out for her husband, the dojo, and the students of the dojo like they were her own children by providing food, drinks, and others. However that does come at a price as you do have to give up a sizable chunk of your watts that you collect in raid dens. I’m sure a bunch of MILF chasers were more than happy enough to give her all their hard-earned watts just so they can have their one-on-one moment on the beach with Honey.

What won me over was when that one guy from a rival dojo bad-mouthed her husband’s dojo and she…I think she kicked this guy’s ass herself. I don’t think she used any of her pokemon. Game Freak won’t show it, but we all know she kicked this guy’s ass to a point where he’s begging for mercy.

Honey, for the win!

Favorite Game of 2020: Animal Crossing New Horizons

This game was just Zen for me. I know the release of this game came with some controversy like Gamestop saying it’s an essential business and will remain open for people to get their copies of the game. Hell, I was one of those assholes in line waiting to get a copy on March 20th. Did I predict that a pandemic was going to rage out of control when I got a prepay copy of this for Christmas 2019? NO! I only predict political things, not deadly pandemics! The good news, we social distanced, didn’t catch the covid and got the game.

Anyways, this game has been a non-stop calming and fun ride. I can even forgive their botch-up of Bunny Day. They even have events for holidays I never thought they would ever touch. I mean, does anybody know when Museum Day is? Probably not until Animal Crossing had an event for it! I’ve been able to let my freak-flag fly with designing my island. And this goes way beyond New Leaf for the 3DS. I can make a sign post with the words “Fuck Trump” on it and post it in my yard. I can dig up trees and plant them elsewhere. I can poop in a toilet. I can craft furniture and put my own design on it. My furniture can have Tracey Sketchit’s beautiful mug on it. I can sit on Tracey Sketchit’s face. I am a sick fuck and I don’t care. I can give Raymond and Bob maid outfits. Magical time in my game! My hopes for next year…I don’t know, get the Festivale furniture, get Papi and Olivia to join my island, maybe visit Danny Trejo’s island, who knows, sky’s da limit!

Favorite Het Couple of 2020: Nasa and Tsukasa Yuzaki from Tonikawa

This is one of the most unorthodox marriages I’ve ever seen. But in this 90 Day Fiance world we’re living in, I shouldn’t pass judgement on these two getting married in episode one and not knowing much about each other. Nasa meets Tsukasa as he was about to be plowed by a truck. Tsukasa saves his life. Nasa says she’s beautiful. Tsukasa says she’ll be his girlfriend if they get married. He agrees. She disappears. Four years later, Tsukasa appears in front of Nasa’s front door with a marriage registration form. Congratulations buddy, you’ve got yourself a waifu! In some way, this felt like watching Yamato and Takeo from My Love Story. I was fascinated with them progressing through their relationship. The only difference is that Yamato and Takeo took the old-fashioned route. This couple did everything ass-backwards in terms of having a relationship. But I couldn’t take my eyes off Nasa and Tsukasa’s relationship during each episode. I find them cute.

Favorite Yuri Couple of 2020: Karin Asaka x Emma Verde from Love Live Nijigasaki High School Idol Club

AAAAAAAAAH! I’M IN IDOL HELL AGAIN! Yeah, no kidding! I came this close to putting Miu x Nicole from that abomination 22/7. But thank God for Love Live! There’s no telling if any of the girls from the Love Live franchise are confirmed to be lesbians. But fuck it, all of them attend all-girl schools, no males exist anywhere, and Sunshine gave us Kanan x Mari! Yeah, you know Kanan and Mari is canon as fuck, don’t at me. So naturally, I found more third-years to ship in the new Love Live series. Now I know I should have put up Ai x Rina or Ayumu x Yuu. Especially the latter due to recent events! But Emma x Karin is my OTP.

Now Emma is an exchange student from Switzerland and in coming to Nijigasaki, she first meets Karin and they became instant friends. When Emma said she wants to become an idol, Karin helped her quite a bit. Even though Karin had no interest in being an idol as her modeling career is starting up, Karin would occasionally help Emma out. And surprise, surprise, Karin ends up fascinated with the idol world and Emma helps her come to the light to be herself there. Okay, I’m totally reading this in some fragmented way, but I’m currently playing Love Live School Idol Festival All Stars and the app game has a lot more stuff involving stuff the anime has yet to talk about. Confirmed or not, Karin x Emma for the win!

Favorite Yaoi Couple of 2020: Eiji Okumura x Ash Lynx from Banana Fish

It took me a while to get here, but I finally made it to 2018’s overlooked gem. Forgive me for not being fully caught up, but from what I’m watching at the moment, I’m sticking to my guns and supporting the hell out of this. I mean, I could have mentioned The Titan’s Bride here…but fuck no, I ain’t goin’ down that mess! Ash has gone through a lot, I mean a helluva lot in his past. His cute boy looks have made him a target on the streets of New York, with mafia dons, and with prison inmates. But dude can kill if you mess with him. Then you have Eiji, who is just a literal example of a “pure cinnamon roll (until episode 8)”. These two are as opposite as you can possibly get. Ash is from New York and Eiji is from Japan. Ash likes hot dogs with everything on it. Eiji likes grilled fish and natto. Ash spent the majority of his life killing on the streets. Eiji was a track superstar. You get my meaning. But when we got these two together it’s quite adorable. Ash is really able to change when he’s around Eiji. Ash isn’t some heartless killer on the street about to kill a thug with prosthetic fingers. When he’s with Eiji, he’s a joker that can easily get scared of pumpkins. And even in later episodes, you got these two acting like a husband and wife.

Fandom That You Didn’t Expect to Get Into: Les Miserables – A Girl Named Cosette

Let me explain a little something. Les Mis! I have never seen the play, watched the movie, or read the novel prior to picking up this anime. Not a single one of those! And that’s a bit of a head-scratcher when you realize I was a bit of a musical theater nut in my teenage years. But one thing I do like is when Japan does an anime based on plays or historical events (like Romeo x Juliet or Rose of Versailles). The second I popped in Les Miserables the anime, I wanted to binge watch the whole 52 episode series. It is by no means a perfect adaptation of the Victor Hugo novel. Several key players end up surviving all the way up to the end of the story! But because this was my very first viewing of anything Les Mis, I took to the story of Cosette and was eager to see what was going to happen next in her tale. Unlike the movies and play, Cosette was the main focus of the story besides Jean Valjean and Javert. And thanks to watching the unfortunate stories of Cosette, Jean Valjean, the Thenadiers, Javert, Marius, and the rest, I thought it was time to watch the OTHER adaptations to Les Mis.

…

Russell Crowe sucks.

Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni

Higurashi or When They Cry is one of my favorite fandoms of all time! So naturally when we heard that it was making a comeback, I was excited. It was also very odd that Higurashi was given this sequel or reboot. Ahem! There’s another franchise that needs a face-lift. Umineko still deserves a better treatment. Plus, now that this series was out of the faulty hands of Studio Deen, Higurashi will get the special care it deserves. Believe it or not, it wasn’t just the anime that made a comeback for me, but the manga as well. Since 2009, I’ve read several volumes (out of order) and would every now and then come back to read the story. Back to the anime, this reboot or sequel…you know what, I’m gonna call it a “rebooqual”! This rebooqual sucked me back to the town of Hinamizawa and all the murders. Every week, I find myself comparing the current episode to one from the 2006 version. But then the fourth episode of each arc seems to catch me off guard.

Where are they going with this story and these twist endings to our favorite arcs? I did not expect Rena to turn a simple attempted murder into the end of School Days! I didn’t expect Rika to die in the most disgusting fashion they could think of. Could someone kill Teppei fucking Hojo? I will pay ¥5000 for someone to do that job. So yeah, because I know how much of this plays out and who does what, I’m usually watching and reading while making wise-ass remarks. But I still have fun with it.

Fandom That Inspired the Most Crack: Konosuba

In a year where I caught up with the popular Isekais like Shield Hero and Re:Zero, I found the wacky misadventures of Kazuma Satou to be amusing as all get-out. From the first 5 minutes, I found myself laughing at Kazuma’s misfortune. Seriously, how the fuck do you mistake a tractor for a car, have a heart attack, piss yourself, and fucking die in the first couple minutes to the series? You can only get away with this shit in gag animes! But it’s not just Kazuma’s dumbass, there’s a mage who only does explosions, but loses all her energy after one blow-up. Then there’s a busty, blonde who gets turned on by getting hurt and can’t strike anything with her sword. Anime’s biggest masochist or Cheryl Tunt incarnate, I haven’t decided which one to believe! Then you have this loud, crazy goddess chick named Aqua. She’s also useless about 86% of the time! Watching their unfortunate missions is all the crack that I need to get through this year. Seriously, Darkness is just all kinds of fucked up, but we love her.

Last Fandom of 2020: Yashahime

That’s right, the InuYasha sequel gets top spot here! Even though week after week I find myself asking more questions than when the episode started, I’m still hooked. If you’re like me, you watched and fell in love with the series InuYasha. So if they’re doing a sequel, you’re expecting to see all of your favorite characters from the prequel like InuYasha, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, Sesshomaru, Koga, Rin, and the rest. Actually, no! Quite the opposite! We’ve got Sesshomaru’s daughters, but no Sesshomaru. Rin is sleeping in a tree we think! We’ve got InuYasha and Kagome’s daughter, but they’re M.I.A. None of the girls even know a thing about their birth parents.

Now are these new characters a catch like the ones from the previous series? Some are! The three main girls, yes! Especially Moroha! I’ve already praised her name earlier in the superlative. Towa and Setsuna do take on some personality traits from their parents. Setsuna is definitely serious like Sesshomaru and Towa sometimes has a carefree yet loyal aura to her like Rin. I know I’m always skeptical when a series gives us a sequel featuring the offspring of the main characters. Especially when you’ve got some lame examples like Boruto and Eureka Seven AO (I might retract my diss on Boruto later)! As each week gives us a new episode, we’re unraveling new clues into a lot of things involving our old favorite characters, as well as the new ones. So I have high hopes for Yashahime for the time being!

[canvas-the-florist]

Quarantined Together

Ship: Dukexiety

Warnings: Dismemberment mention, lots of talk about coronavirus, swearing, food mentions, Remus-Esque jokes made by someone who can’t write Remus,

Summary: Remus and Virgil deal with social distancing while being very tired of COVID-19.

Word Count: 1.4K

-

Remus walked home from his job, he was a grocer and newly considered an ‘essential worker’ due to recent developments of the coronavirus. He was tired and overworked. Remus didn’t really have a way with words but customers seemed too preoccupied with their own shit to notice him at the current moment. A small victory and one of the only things that could be considered a positive to social distancing. In short, Remus King was tired of all the bullshit he had been dealing with and this day wasn’t a particularly good one.

First, he was forced to work a job he couldn’t afford to quit during a global pandemic, and random strangers would yell at him when the store ran out of stuff. Like, it wasn’t his fault all the cleaning supplies are gone! He’s not magic. Second, his twin brother is stuck four states away because of their parents who hated both of them. And third, Remus got kicked out of college dorms last week and he just moved into his boyfriend’s apartment. Sure, it’s nice to see Virgil every day but it’s kind of bittersweet when it’s not a choice the two had to make. It’s turned from a good decision to do one day to necessary to keep Remus off the streets. He was tired. Tired of a lot of things.

Remus opened the door to see Virgil watching Netflix on his phone even though he was on the couch across the TV. He sighed loudly but made sure to wash his hands immediately before collapsing on top of his boyfriend. Virgil made a noncommittal grunt to acknowledge Remus’s existence before paying full attention to whatever the hell he was watching.

“Thanks for the love, Virgil,” Remus stated sarcastically as he sat on the opposite side of the couch and tangled his legs with Virgil’s. “I feel like a worm being picked off a sidewalk by a snotty toddler.”

Virgil looked up and saw the bags under Remus’s eyes, which seemed to be competing with his eyeshadow. His eyebrows furrowed with concern. Remus didn’t make as bad a metaphor as he normally would… Not even a single curse word. He was off his game. “Rem... Bad day?”

Remus nodded and fell on top of Virgil. “Just play with my hair until the sleep deprivation takes me.”

So he did. Virgil liked keeping busy to fight his anxiety and Remus’s love language happened to be physical touch. It kind of worked out. Remus didn’t like talking about his bad days and would go to cuddles and hair braiding for comfort. Truth be told, outside all his sex jokes, he just kind of wanted to be held… All the time. Virgil eventually carried Remus into their bed and they just lied there. Virgil used to tell stories of all the crazy shit he had done that day but it stopped after he stopped going outside.

Virgil had asthma and as a result, was a high-risk person for the virus. A high-risk person and an essential worker in one apartment was kind of scary, to say the least, but they made it work. Remus took care of his hygiene and avoided touching people as much as he could. But they were both tired. Tired of all the shit that was happening. Social distancing was important and Remus knew that… He got that he was stupid and reckless and he should take this seriously. But when he wasn’t laughing at COVID-19 he risked crying about it.

Remus cuddled into Virgil, hiding his face in his chest. He mumbled into Virgil’s shirt that couldn’t be deciphered.

“What’s that?” Virgil asked with a raised eyebrow.

His boyfriend looked up at him with a grumpy look on his face. Virgil gave a soft smile while Remus groaned. “Stop it. I’m mad… Mad at the government. They are making me mad. I want to dismember them like a doll redesigner…” He furrowed his eyebrows. Something seemed off with his choice of words. “Doll recreator? Doll… Like those people who take ugly dolls and change them into a different doll.”

Virgil tucked Remus’s hair back out of his face to gain his attention sneakily. “I’m sure you can find another metaphor to say that you want anarchy.”

“Sure I can, but I feel like you would prefer to hear about dismembering dolls than babies,” Remus said, seeing Virgil’s nose wrinkle. He sat up more on Virgil’s legs. “See I was right, now if I only knew the fucking word that would be epic… Whatever, I’ll move on eventually. I’m mad at the government like… Like everyone is mad at Jeff Bezos. Everyone agrees he sucks but he’s too rich to do anything about it.” Remus fell back on Virgil. “I just wish we were safer. From a lot of things but right now, I want you to be safe from that stupid plague.”

“I will be safe,” Virgil stopped, considering his own anxieties. He had no guarantee that he would be safe and he was fucking terrified of Remus and his friends getting hurt. But banding together and taking everything in slowly was better than being too scared to breathe. “Actually no, I don’t know if I will be safe. But I do know that you’re trying your goddamn best to keep me safe. And I trust you. I trust that you’re going to keep me safe, even if the world’s a mess.”

“I trust you too,” Remus whispered. “You’re keeping me sane and forcing me to make healthy choices I probably wouldn’t have made if I was living alone. I trust that you’re going to live and we’re both going to be okay.”

That was the end of their talking. Virgil kept cradling Remus until he eventually fell asleep. That’s when he decided to carry him to their bed. He didn’t have much to do anymore. The highlight of his days is usually when Remus comes home and even then Remus is so drained he almost always passes out soon after. Virgil eventually got out of bed to make their dinner. He would wake up Remus later. Right now he needed a mental break from everything that was happening. Virgil breathed in and made a small serving of spaghetti. He wasn’t much of a cook but knew enough to avoid eating microwavable soup for every meal.

Virgil looked back at the bedroom door and sighed. He wished that he could make Remus happier. This whole situation was shitty and he felt bad that he couldn’t help pay rent anymore. His job had been closed for a long time. Which was good, even if it didn’t feel like it. Still shitty that he didn’t know if he’d come out of this with a job. Resisting the urge to cry, Virgil decided to wake up Remus.

“Hey, Remus?” Virgil got a ‘what the fuck?’ back followed by a loud thump. Virgil quickly opened the door to see that Remus had fallen out the bed. He rolled his eyes and went to help him up by extending his arm. “Wow, I didn’t know that knocking on doors scared you so much.”

Remus took his hand and shakily stood up. “I didn’t know you were such a bitch.” He gave a pointed look and Virgil held his hands up in surrender with a laugh, clearly not that sorry. “So what are we having for dinner, Virge, a plate of dicks?”

“A plate of spaghetti, actually. And you better hurry up or I might just accidentally lose your portion.”

“You say that as if I won’t just steal your food.”

Either way, the two were handling quarantine the best that they could. Hand in hand with horrible jokes sliding off their lips. What a bunch of dorks. Remus called the food shitty but Virgil knew he appreciated the food. Remus could cook under no circumstances and he had been banned from basically all kitchens after setting fire to the microwave twice last year. At least at Virgil’s place, Remus could eat more than takeout food. The day ended with them on the couch binging their twelfth show together.

They were both tired, restless, and scared, but at least they were tired, restless, and scared without being alone.

Taglist: @roseyturtles @g4ym3rg0rl @cautionary-lie @kriere @cascoal

[patheticwithanem]

2020 in Retrospect

Hey friend,

I know it’s late, but I HAVE TO DO THIS. I kind of promised myself I’m writing about the year that was. I’m not exactly sure why; maybe it’s to put things in perspective going in to 2021? And today’s my fourth year anniversary with my employer, so I guess it’s perfect timing? (More on that later)

So I was going through my notes (I have this habit of writing down what happens on a daily basis - be it activities, emotions, drama, name it) and one thing’s for sure. 2020 SUCKED. It did. But I’m committing to this no matter what!

First things first: lots of profanities along the way. Well actually, I was about halfway writing the letter when fucking Tumblr decided to refresh and delete what I’ve been writing for about one fucking hour now. So I have to fucking do it all over again. If this is the Lord telling me to stop being sentimental about 2020, fret not my Lord! I’m one stubborn son of a bitch, so I’m carrying on.

Here’s how the rest of the year unfolded. 2020. Let’s go.

JANUARY. Reunions?

January 1. Had a get-together with a few relatives in Malabon. It was fun! I used to be so allergic to family reunions but I guess age creeping in changes you? You value people even more now? This was also the last time we’re able to spend some time with my uncle from Singapore. He brought his family to spend the holidays here. He’s a sweetheart and a great father who’s missed.

January 9. I attended a college dormmate’s wedding. I remember contemplating whether to go or not only to realize I’m actually lucky to be even invited given the fact that I chose to be distant for them for a long while. I also told myself that not showing up is so far from what I’m trying to be. Although I wasn’t there for the whole thing, I’m glad I did come. I was able to bond with my roommates once again whom I treated like brothers ten years ago and that was nice. A not-so-close dormmate even introduced me to his boyfriend and that’s huuuuge. The bride was beautiful too, and I’m glad she’s in the best place right now after all she’s been through. She’s a strong one, that girl.

January 11. Got invited to a birthday pool party of a colleague at work. I have to say I’m actually quite surprised I was invited to this. She’s always had my back though and always kind of looked after me, so I had to go. It was fun but I didn’t get drunk AT ALL. 

January 12. AND THIS IS WHERE SHIT STARTED HAPPENING. The Taal Volcano erupted. It was awful especially for everyone living near the area because everything was covered with ash. It was also a day before my brother’s birthday and we thought the ashfall would be worse the next day so we decided to celebrate earlier. 

January 19. Went to a fiesta. Did not expect to survive that at all. It was a different kind of neighborhood, but the people were nice. 

January 25. Went to a public market with co-workers to buy clothes, eat chicken wings for dinner and then our regular fix of karaoke. Good times. 

Anything else? I was able to book a birthday trip to Yogyakarta, which I eventually canceled because of youknowwhat. Tragic.

February. Blindside!

February 7. Blindside’s a bitch. Yes, that’s what I had written on my notes. I legitimately felt blindsided. So story: I have a friend who I found out was pregnant (let’s call her Ms. Preggy, sorry) and me and her bestfriend (let’s call him Work Son because he was my work son in a lot of ways) decided to hold an intervention for her. The four of us including a friend I’m going to call The-Now-Bestie (kind of a spoiler) whom I had a misunderstanding and was not in speaking terms with will be coming to Work Son’s place. Essentially, the goal was to make Ms. Preggy open up about her pregnancy and her issues with the douchebag father; make her feel that she has us and she doesn’t need to be alone in this. I think it went well, in that regard. However, the whole thing was awkward in epic proportions. It’s as if me and The-Now-Bestie didn’t want to acknowledge each other’s existence, and when we didn’t have a choice, we were sarcastic to each other. I also really felt like an outsider among the four that time; like I wasn’t supposed to be there and wasn’t really contributing to anything. It was a really lonely feeling. I decided to distance myself to them after that.

February 13. WINNERS AT WAR PREMIERE! Words can’t even express how excited I was to see some of my heroes again on screen! Parvati with that “phoenix rising from the ashes” confessional? Damn, girl! Still a fucking legend! It was also nostalgic Yul working his godfather magic once again. I’ve always seen him as a top-tier winner and someone I looked up to for what he represented to the Asian community and the history of Survivor. It was also nice seeing Kim, Tyson, Tony, Sophie, Natalie and Sandra. But I must say I kind of missed Todd. He was my favorite winner and was a great storyteller, a great strategist and a great character with an amazing comeback story. He would’ve been perfect for a season with this caliber of players. And as much as I hate Jeff Probst for shoving him down our throats, I wanted to see Cochran play with these winners! Caramoan’s my first season (a late superfan, yes) and he’s the very reason I got so hooked with the show. I used to think it’s a game where people like me never win. So to see someone like Cochran who’s awkward in every sense of the word (and owning it) win Survivor, it is very inspiring. I like speaking in metaphors and it’s funny how much metaphorical Survivor can be to how I see life now. I see Cochran and if he can win in Survivor, I feel like I can win in life, as silly as that sounds. Cochran sucked his first season, but he then went on to play this dominant game his second try while still managing to be the adorkable underdog that he is. I love that story. Man, I get so worked up when I talk about Survivor! I wish I had that same passion with anything else.

February 19. Mom slipped and had to be rushed to the nearest ER. Good thing there were no fractures and she was fine. I guess we can thank the fats for that? LOL

February 21 ‘til 23. WEEKEND STAYCATION! I needed this! Drinking at the hotel taproom with a live band? YES! Indian for lunch and surf-and-turf buffet for dinner? YES YES YES! That lamb chops, MY LORD. Thank you.

February 29. Leap Day. I started journaling again. 

March. FUCKING COVID.

March 16. The Start of the Lockdown we all come to love now (punk, sarcasm). 

March 17. Politics is so taboo to discuss especially over dinner. But then BAM. I had a major fight with my dad (and by major, I mean MAJOR in a get-out-of-the-house-in-the-middle-of-the-pandemic kind of major). It was basically about a comment he made that’s so misogynistic (towards the Vice President) that I just knew I can’t just let go. It was sooo bad I got all pissed, and when I’m pissed, I can get scary. Maybe it’s the voice or the eyes or both, but the fight got really heated on the verge of getting physical. Which now that I think about it is stupid just because of fucking different political views. Well, I can never get behind the President and they’re huge fans of him and I’ve come to terms with that but it’s just... bleh. I’m not even gonna try to rationalize it because I can’t. It’s just.. disgusting. Oh fucking well. 

April. Wander-fucking-lust.

April 1. I started a 30-day Financial Detox which basically meant no unnecessary expenses. No online shopping, no paying for leisure. None. It was April Fools, but I was dead-set on saving! (Spoiler alert: I failed.)

April 6. Meltdown. I just really couldn’t hold it in anymore.

April 11. Dad’s birthday. After not talking for over a month (which is no easy feat in a tiny condominium unit), we acknowledged each other’s presence. By April 15, it’s like nothing happened anymore. He even gave me a home haircut (which for a beginner, is pretty good). On other news, I started watching The Politician on Netflix and t’was the day I started obsessing on Ben Platt and his music. 

April 16. A year ago, I was enjoying sidewalk pho and almost making friends at Cu Chi Tunnels and the Saigon Skydeck of the Bitexco Financial Tower in Ho Chi Minh. Damn, covid.

April 18. That crazy border-crossing from Saigon to Phnom Penh a year ago. That was fulfilling. Damn, covid.

April 19. A year ago, I was experiencing sunrise at Angkor Wat. Wander-fucking-lust UGH. 

April 30. That Town Hall shoutout from our company’s President because of reaching my quota from last month. That really felt good. As much as I hate to admit it, I like being validated from time to time. It definitely meant a lot especially coming from her who took a chance on me. I was patting my back.

MAY. Endure. Let Go. 

May 14. KING TONY WON. Very well-deserved win. A disappointment of a season if you ask me, but props to the king for dominating an all-winners season. Respect for that. Also Natalie and Michele played great games as well and they should be very proud of themselves. I feel like a proud father to these winners HAHAHA!

May 16. Was pleasantly surprised with Dead to Me. That car scene between Jen and Judy on that ninth episode from the second season? Damn. That’s one of the few moments I teared up because of a TV show. That was powerful. All that tension building up and then that sudden release? I really felt that.

May 26. Why do I always feel all this fucking rage inside of me? I try to think of any triggers but I can’t seem to find one that’s actually reasonable. It’s like the isolation getting the best of me. I initially thought quarantine’s going to be a cakewalk for an introvert like myself, but it wasn’t the case. I feel like I’m losing my shit because I was stripped off of the usual things I have access to whenever I feel uneasy and anxious and angry like this. Endure, let go, I know. But it’s so much easier said than done, right?

JUNE. Breathe.

June 12. So the plan to sell the condo and find a new place is real. We went to this great place in Valenzuela and it was a great house and all but I felt weird. Maybe I was having trouble letting go? Maybe it’s just me being averse to change yet again?

June 15. Slept 6am for that How To Get Away With Murder series finale. That speech. VIOLA. Chills all over my body. 

June 18. New phone was delivered. That was fast.

June 27. First time visiting the village we moved to. We were checking a different house this time and was already picturing us living there. Still felt weird, but maybe less.

Looking at it now, I realize almost nothing happened in this stretch of months. Pathetic.

JULY. Change (that’s not necessarily good lol)

July 3. The Anti-Terrorism Bill signed. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT. 

July 10. Doomsday. The ABS-CBN renewal disapproved. FUCK THE CIRCUS THAT IS THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT. Also, that first house we checked was bought this day. First heartbreak.

July 22. Decided to donate to one of my elementary teachers to help finance school supplies for his students in the province. That felt good. 

July 24. folklore’s goooood. This is the Taylor Swift sound that I love. (I had to write that down because that was a 2020 highlight to be honest)

AUGUST. Getting older. Again.

August 2. Donated to another cause: to help a really close friend’s mom (who’s a school principal) on financing their students’ lesson modules (they needed more paper so the donation was going to be used to buy more paper). That felt good.

August 3. Started obsessing on Dear Evan Hansen. I mean come on. HOW COME I ONLY KNEW OF THIS NOW?!?! The story, the acting, the soundtrack... it felt like I asked the Lord for a musical for me and he gave this on a silver platter. 

August 9. Lasagna, baked sushi, lechon belly, pansit, cake. Weird combination, I know, but that’s me!

August 11. Discovered the Slowly app. Changed my life since then! I’m not even exaggerating. I guess it has to do with feeling extremely lonely amid the pandemic and getting this platform where you can talk to literally anyone while still keeping your anonymity. And it strips you off of instant gratification you’re so used to because you actually have to wait for your letters to be sent and to arrive. A great exercise for patience if you ask me! And since you have to wait, you make your letters longer and more worthwhile. It’s a platform free of judgment which relies heavily on building actual mental and emotional connections. It’s a gift, truly. NOT EXAGGERATING; YES I’M THAT LONELY.

August 23. The house search continued. This time, the South!

August 24. It was my first time watching a Korean drama and I gotta say I get the hype now. Korea makes great stories and they take their time when telling these stories. The story centering about mental health was definitely what got me to try watching It’s Okay to Not Be Okay, but the show’s so much more than that. That was a great watch.

SEPTEMBER. Finally some light?

September 1. Second year anniversary. I still really miss her.

September 5. My cat’s 5th birthday! Of course we had to celebrate for her with baked macaroni and burnt cheesecake. 

September 11. Lost uncle. He gave a good fight. 

September 19. SENSE8. It’s a show that doesn’t need any explaining. It’s the BEST. I love this cast SO MUCH. I remember thinking if I ever get a tattoo (which is unlikely), I’ll maybe have the title of that Sense8 series finale inked on me. AMOR VINCIT OMNIA. Love conquers all. 

September 27. After a series of unfortunate events, we were led to this house on the same village we keep going back to, and the moment we saw it, we were sold. This is going to be our house. And it happened.

OCTOBER. Surprises?

October 6. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t.

October 12. Booked a trip for next year because I’M HOPEFUL AS FUCK.

October 21. Had the best conversation I had in a long time. 

October 22. Hooked up with someone I probably shouldn’t. 

October 28. Organized a digital event for work. I’m still on the fence whether I’m proud of it or not. It was my first event, and I’ve wanted to do that for a long time. While I enjoyed all the preparation that came with it, from making that tactical marketing plan to coordinating with the organizers and my team, I felt like it was bland. There were lapses here and there and I know that we all tried the best we could, but maybe I just pictured it a little better in my mind? It wasn’t a flawless event and maybe I wanted it to be flawless. But it was fun. I never would’ve imagined me hosting an event, but I did. 

NOVEMBER. Decisions.

November 14. So news came and we’re finally moving. The buyer of the condo got approved and it was only a matter of weeks to settle documents and payment and we’re good to go. I had mixed feelings about it. It took me back to that time we started looking for houses. I wasn’t exactly ready to let go of the place I grew with for the past five years. And I wasn’t also ready to let go of the convenience, and the relationships I only have started building with friends I found along the way. But at that moment I knew I had to be happy because they were happy. My family was happy. I knew I have to be happy.

November 21. Started all the packing. Packing meant decluttering and reminiscing, so letting go of more things which was overwhelming at first, but inevitable. 

November 23. I had something checked in the hospital, and something happened and it wasn’t supposed to go that way but it did and it was so fucking bizarre lol

November 28. HAPPY MOVING DAY. It’s that day of the year. Stress was off the charts because of the time constraint and frankly, the lack of preparedness. Good thing a few people helped us with the rest of the packing. It was an impossible task for me and my sister alone so we were glad we got all the help we needed. I did most of the heavy lifting, so I had bruises all over my body for weeks, but after all was said and done, it felt surreal. Felt like everything coming full circle. That first night in the new home? I’ll never forget that. That was special.

December. The end of an era.

December 2. I went back to the condo to stay for a few more days. Get to feel the place one last time. Also lost a huge deal at work to a competitor. I usually really get depressed with these losses, but for some reason I felt indifferent about it. I guess it was my mind telling me I’ve mentally checked out of work already? That maybe it is really time to move on to something that’ll make me care about what I do again? Make me feel again?

December 4. Met someone (who we can call the Professor) I’ve been talking to for a while now. We’ve had some really great conversations leading to this night; talks at 3AM that’s kind of liberating? I was upfront about the moving and that I only have a few days left in the place which is probably why it happened. Professor was also upfront about leaving the country in a few months for an opportunity to work and do research in Japan for five fucking years. It was awkward at first; but we eventually warmed up to each other and spent the night together. 

December 5. Things escalated pretty quickly. The Professor gave me a shower (that was weird but I was feeling it and I thought it was sweet and sexy?). We cuddled until we slept and there was breakfast prepared when I woke up. I don’t usually get to experience this kind of stuff so I really appreciated that. I was feeling it. I thought I can get used to this! I left the place and was invited back again so I stayed over for another night. We’ve had a few more interesting conversations. I was not expecting some of the things we discussed especially the talk about long-distance relationships. The Professor asked me what I think about it and I was honest; I’m not against it but it’s not something I’ll take a chance on if I wasn’t sure about it. Mantra’s always been connection first before commitment. I’m not the “take a leap of faith” kind-of guy; I needed to be sure. Or at the very least be really mentally and emotionally connected with the person. I thought that made perfect sense. I still do.

December 6. So it was finally goodbye. Me and my sister went to the nearest church to donate a few clothes and shoes and to attend a mass. Bid farewell to the Professor too and promised each other to keep in touch. I also had an awkward encounter with my sister’s “friend” who she sneaked in the condo for God knows what for. Pretty sure they did the nasty.

December 13. We went to our old house (the one I spent my younger years in) to get a few stuff for the new house. I only really wanted to get my old bicycle because I want to be biking regularly for the next year. I want to take that fitness journey seriously! So I got the bike and I got to spend some time with some childhood friends. Good stuff.

December 15. A teammate resigned at work. The funny thing is he did it after getting that 13th month bonus HAHAHA! I can’t blame him though after learning about the salary he gets when he’s performing three functions in the team. That’s insane. But it really made me wonder: am I still in this for the long haul? Or do I move on too?

December 17. So I had my work desk and wardrobe delivered. Felt so nice buying things for my room! 

December 19. We got a new dog! Another French Bulldog. He’s pretty sweet. Someone’s not happy! (MY MOM)

December 22. And then this happened. We were supposed to meet after my dentist appointment (which I only used as an excuse to meet and I thought that was obvious) but the Professor never showed up. I waited for FIVE FREAKIN HOURS. I had like clothes with me because we agreed I sleepover but FUCK. Good thing a friend kept me company, but that was horrible. I thought YOU NEVER DO THAT TO ANYONE. I deserve better.

December 24. We had our house blessed. It was all super spontaneous; we invited a few friends and relatives over and had an intimate gathering. Mom got emotional (AGAIN).

December 27. So Ms. Preggy (from February - oooh that rhymed) had her son baptized. Since she lives a little father from the city, we decided to have a little staycation with some friends there too. The-Now-Bestie and Work Son was there, and we had beer and homecooked food and a slew of great conversations to cap off the year. 

Also December 27. I knew I needed to get something off my chest. And I just had to say it. 

“You’re so unfair. You shouldn’t have done that. Gave me false hopes. Gave me a “3-day trial period” only to disappear without any warning. Made promises you never intended to keep. You could’ve just told me you’re not interested anymore and I would’ve been fine with that but instead, you ghosted me. For the past few weeks since that weekend, it never seemed like you wanted to get to know me better. Or even just keep the communication going. It’s been one-sided and I wonder: has it always been this way? Maybe I’m remembering things differently. I told you I like you and I meant that. I’m still wrapping around my head why and how it happened to be honest. Maybe it’s that weekend? Maybe it’s the conversations leading up to when we first met? I don’t know. But things changed after that and I should ask you for an explanation but it’s really not the point. The point is I thought we can work something out and you hurt me. You may feel like you’re running out of time because of Japan but it’s no excuse to do that to anyone, really. You seem so sure about what you want so I hope you get whatever that is. Merry Christmas. Thanks for the memories.”

That was intense.

December 28. The Professor responded. “I apologize... I am getting attached... I had to “ponder on its implications to me in the long run”... I decided to slow down... It hurts... “That weekend that we met felt like I knew you before”... I am afraid... “You have no idea how hard it is to leave everything behind every 4-5 fucking years not because I wanted it but because I have to”... I still hope to continue whatever we have... “I will always remember you. Please don’t forget about me.”... YADA YADA YADA. 

I know. You know me. I try to empathize as much as possible. But I mean, come on. These are things I already know. It’s not what I needed to hear.

December 31. I needed to say something one last time. There’s already a lot of uncertainties in the world with COVID and life and everything else. I knew I needed answers; I want the binary. I want the black or white for this one. I’m not taking the gray with me next year. So I asked the following questions:

“What do you want from me? Do you want to be friends? Or we stick with occasional catching up on Viber every once in a while (because that’s what it sounds like to me)?”

“What do you want to get from your last two months here? What are you looking for? Just make the most “fun’? Or look for something that will stick?”

“Have you told me anything you really didn’t mean?”

“That one time we talked about long-distance, were you asking me?”

Fast forward to now: I never got the answer I needed. I guess this is one of those rare occasions where no answer is the answer. And after a few weeks of contemplating about it, I am leaving it behind in 2020. 

I’m actually at peace with that.

So there you have it. The suck-fest that is 2020. The first month of the new year wasn’t so bad. I feel this great energy. This year’s going to be different. I did tell you that this letter’s perfect timing. That’s because I’ve resigned and I’m moving on. A friend told me a while ago that he’s proud of me for finally taking action. The 2018 version of myself wouldn’t have done what I did and he was happy for me. I wanted a clean slate and I took it. That I was finally taking ownership of my life. 

I was elated. My friend usually spoils me with compliments and encouragement and my ever reliable negative self-image tend to disagree with him but for the first time in a very long time, it felt right. I’m not usually excited for New Years, but I guess I am?

I say bring it on, 2021.

Until then,

Patheticwithanem

[glamrayvision]

A WIP oneshot

This was intended as horror but immediately turned into crack, what can I say?

I will post the whole thing when I'm done, along with some art.

Warning for cursing and menton of covid.

Summary: A young adult Miraculous Ladybug fanartist gets a suprise when her drawing of Chat Blanc comes to life! But as a student of Zoom university in the middle of 2020, nothing scares her anymore. So she thought.....

FANART

'Hmmm' I think to myself.

14 year old me would be proud. College girl me is absolutely disappointed in the way I drew his hands (ya know, the blob with sad excuses of tentacles) , but hey. The only artists who can draw hands probably have divine powers anyway. However, the other eye looks pretty rad.

Chat Blanc is the first thing I drew in this sketchbook. I got it for a quarter at a thrift store. Yes I'm bragging. Everything I own cost me less than $10, and that is a peak accomplishment, even more so than drawing two cat eyes correctly on an angry human face. But I digress.

Am I too old for this fandom? If you say yes I dare you to pry it from my cold dead hands.

I put away my art supplies, neatly for once in my life, and scrub the oil pastel and charcoal residue from my fingers. Chat Blanc looks at me, sprawled across the kitchen table, aiming his cataclysm at me.

"Meow!" I drop finger guns at him, laughing at myself.

My phone buzzes. It's my student portal. "Glad to see I'm still failing calculus " I say with all intended sarcasm. "Perks of Zoom university!"

I set my alarm clock for my 8 AM class and plop on my pillow.

My insomnia haunts me

And I am out like a light!

------

"Fuck you!"

It does nothing, its screams only get louder.

And louder.

And louder.

After fumbling for the off button on my alarm clock for ten minutes I decide to just rip the plug from the socket. It's not a problem anymore!!!

Another ten minutes to get me out of bed.

Then I crawl to the kitchen, with nothing but a tank top and underwear. Thank God I live alone off campus.

I grab a yogurt from the refrigerator. It takes another five minutes to realize that my sketchbook from last night is completely empty.

Another two to notice the cat boy on the ceiling light fixture.

Another five seconds to drop my yogurt and scream.

"What the- what the fuck!!!"

"Hi there! "He says with a goofy, toothy grin.

What does a completely rational person do in this situation?

No, she doesn't call the police or anything.

She gets dressed and logs onto her Zoom meeting.

Because if public school taught me anything, its that being late is more anxiety inducing than your supervillain fanart coming to life and invading your house.

As I go to my desk to turn on my computer, Chat Blanc sits behind me.

"Ain't you got shit to do?" I say with the fury of a zombie teenager. I log into the meeting.

"Not really " he shruggs. "What class is this?"

"Engineering "

Uh oh. He has an idea. "Can we turn on the camera?"

"Why?"

"I'm lonely " Chat whines.

It's way too early in the morning for this shit. "Look, we can go to the grocery store and get ice cream later. But now I have to go to class and pretend to be awake enough to care"

"Fine" For some reason he crawls on the couch and sits like an actual cat, ready to pounce. "You're no fun. I'm probably gonna accidentally destroy this world too, ya know. " Chat begins yo sniffle. "I miss Ladybug!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Fuck it I'm never gonna focus like this. Besides, I'm the reason he's here. And I don't want to bear any resemblance to his father. I put down by pen and grab some tissues. "It's ok, kitty. You'll see her again. I'm sure of it"

"You're not" he growled. "Everything from my world is... gone "

"I won't pretend to understand, but-"

"No you don't understand! " he pushes me off. The Akuma is controlling him now, I'm sure. As much as Adrien keeps trying to fight back, he must be exhausted, poor thing!

Chat Blanc stands up, his feet grounded in attack and a cataclysm glowing at his fingertips.

"Cataclysm this stupid pandemic, will ya? " I grumble as I dodge the blast, letting my wall take it instead. My land lord is gonna be a frickn disaster once he sees this. Oh well.

The dust settles as my worst nightmare comes to life!

My Zoom camera and and microphone have somehow turned on!!!

My tears begin to fall as he corners me with another cataclysm ready. A supervillain I can handle. Online video social interaction is a horror movie. Now everyone can see me crying like the 2 year old I am. Great.

"Shhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttt!!!!!!" I make a dash for my computer. Chat leaps in front of me. I screech to a halt.

"Where's Ladybug!!!!"

"In Paris in an alternate timeline, you dumbass cat! Why don't you chill so I can help you!!!" I sob.

My class stares in complete horrified silence.

I grab a broom.

"LET "

Smack!

"ME"

Smack!

"SHOWER"

Smack!

"YOU"

Smack!

"WITH"

Smack!

"LOVE!!!!"

"Never!" He snaps the broom in half.

In desperation I grab my car keys on the counter. There's a lazer light attached. "Please God let this work! "

I turn it on and point it twards the hole in the wall.

His ear perks up and he attacks the red dot! Yes!

As he discracts himself I apologize to my class for "my insane cat" and turn off the video and sound.

I release the button on the lazer pointer.

Sinister blue eyes point twards me. I wonder if I should call animal control. His claws are sharp, all fours digging into the wooden floor.

He smirks at me.

Pounce!

His arms wrap around me tightly when he lands "A friend! A friend! I miss having friends!"

I hug him back. Despite what just went down, I still want to help this kid. Chat is baby!

[laele25]

Republicans are willfully stupid

And now that I have your attention, let me explain.  Here are some the asinine ‘wow, you’re really dumb enough to believe that, huh, hoss?’ excuses I have seen tossed around by Republicans trying to justify voting for Trump and his enablers. 1 “But Democrats want to kill babies.”  Okay, straight up, if you believe that, you’re a moron who deserved to be mocked into silence.  The only people who have been ‘killing babies’ is the US government who has thrown them in cages for the last four years and bombed the Middle East for the last 20.  Fuck off with your faux morality pearl clutching, I ain’t even renting it.   You just want to tell other people what to do with their bodies so you can justify your racism and have a false sense of morality.  Until you care about the children separated from their families, the children dying during our drone raids. or the child homeless and starving or stuck in abusive homes, you do not ‘think of the children’.   You are pro-forced birth and any CPS worker worth their salt can give you a lesson on why forcing people to have and keep children they do not want is incredibly cruel, especially to said child. 2.  “Higher wages will make things  more expensive!”  Hoover would have LOVED to have your bootchoking idiots around when the stock market crashed in ‘29.  Since you only care about anecdotal evidence instead of data, well, lucky for you, I live in a city with a $15 an hour minimum wage.  Before the country had to shut down (by the by Washington was rated the best place to ride out the pandemic because we have a sane governor and social safety nets) , there were help wanted signs in nearly every business.  Why?  Because people don’t have to have three jobs to make ends meet.  Yeah, housing is obscene, but that is because of an unregulated housing market, just like the rest of the country.   A Big Mac is still only six bucks here.  Five years after $15 an hour. And before anyone runs in with ‘But what about the people who are being paid less than $15 an hour and aren’t in ‘low wage jobs’?’  Because that’s another, ‘Wow, you really are deepthroating that boot hard, aren’t you?’  When the minimum wage goes up, ALL WAGES GO UP.  Why?  Because businesses have to pay more to get good workers.  It’s your ‘free market’ at work. And finally, the most classist argument of all ‘But those are just part-time jobs for teenagers.’  Now besides the fact all of the data says you’re fucking wrong and FDR flat out said he started the minimum wage as a living wage because any American who works full time shouldn’t be destitute, I’m gonna go again with appealing to your self-centeredness because you are all you care about. So what you’re saying is you only want fast food, retail sales, janitorial services, housekeeping, medical assistants, and secretarial work from 5pm to 10pm and weekends when those teenagers who you believe should do all that work are not in school.  On top of their on average four hours of homework a night.   Right... 3. “TAXES, OMG!”  First of all, you are not the only ones who pay taxes.  In fact, and here I go with data you won’t like, big blue liberal cities pay more taxes than you and take less tax money.  Why?  Because people have better wages, so there’s less destitute people living on food stamps.  Imagine that. Also, the taxes you already pay are going to pay for new weapons of war that will go over budget, arrive late or are never delivered, or will be obsolete or never work anyway.  Another big chunk goes to corporate subsidies, so that big corporations can pay their stakeholders even more and buy back their own stock to artificially inflate the value of the stock so they get even richer.  While paying little or no taxes at all. So, yeah, taxing people over 400k matters shit all unless you make over 400k a year and if you do, you should be paying more taxes.   You cannot avoid death or taxes.  But make sure the money is being spent on things that help you, idiot. 4. “SOCIALISM!” Insert gif of Bernie Sanders yelling boo here.  Because that’s how ridiculous y’all are.  Medicare and Social Security are socialism.  Pensions?  Socialism.   Stop using that word, you have no fucking idea what it means.   5. “Trump is doing the best he can with covid.”  You are not wrong.  This is as good as the incompetent, idiotic, senile, narcissistic, sociopathic, self-serving asshole can do.  Which means he is absolutely unfit for the job.  If you believe otherwise, you’re either as stupid as he is or don’t pay attention to anything but Fox News. And you’re probably also a tiny dicked racist who hates ‘immigrants’ even though we’re a country of immigrants.  It takes a special kind of willful, hateful ignorance to not see what’s happening.  And if you do and think that it won’t affect you, well, congrats, now you are the same as the Germans who looked the other way when the Nazis ran on anti-Semitism.   Now, if anyone has anymore stupid Republican gaslighting you want me to debunk, let me know.  Because i am fucking done.   ETA: Centerists, you’re worse than the Trumpters, because you want us to be happy with them taking away some people’s rights and leaving some people out in the cold just to mollify the sociopaths on the right.  Shame on you especially. 

[the-steve-stevenson-experience]

Dress For Where You're Going, Not For Where You've Been

Day 5:

I have my morning routine down. I used to think I didn't like routine. I equated routines with ruts. But, man I love a routine. I fall in to them pretty quickly. They give me some stability. I find value in doing the same thing for certain things every time. Other things, like driving to and from a place every day, i like to mix that up to chase away the monotony. I find my routine, it just comes naturally, I never force it. I might say, I need to add this or that, but it always works itself out and coalesces into my routine.

I've been drinking this Belizean coffee, Caye Coffee, since I got here. I like it. It's local, well roasted locally. I'm not sure if it's grown here somewhere. There is one coffee, called Gallon Jug, that is grown here, however. That is not the brand I have been drinking. I bought a small bag of the ground coffee to make at the condo, and that's what I have been drinking in the mornings. I also bought a bag of Belize Gourmet Coffee's whole bean coffee, that was grown in Guatemala, which is really just up the street, and a bag of Gallon Jug's whole bean. It will be interesting to see what it all tastes like.

I couldn't remember if we were going to look at condos today or tomorrow. I hit Natasha up, and she said we were doing that tomorrow. So I planned on taking the water taxi to Caye Caulker for the day. I got down to the boat at 1pm, and planned on staying on Caye Caulker until 6:15 when the last boat returning was coming back. Caulker is a little different than Ambergris. It's way smaller, way less people, quieter, way less golf carts, and less busy. Not that Ambergris, and San Pedro especially are "busy." But, San Pedro has more going on than Caye Caulker Village does. I walked a lot. My feet hurt from all the walking I've been doing, and I have a blister on my right foot, which is something that happens when I walk too much in flops that have seen better days, or don't fit right.

(I've been trying to find some new ones, but the size 12s they have here seem too small, and no one seems to have anything bigger)

I got off the boat and wanted to find a place to eat. I didn't want to go to the very first place I saw, so I went past the joint that was right there at the boat dock, and went south a ways. I found a place called Island Magic. They had a really cool seating set up. The table were suspended by ropes, like swings, and some of the seats were too. They had these upstairs tables that reminded me of a tree house. All in all the place was super cool in the atmosphere department. The menu was smaller than I would have liked, but Covid and it being an island, and lobster and avocados being out of season, and the server said they didn't have shrimp either made it that much smaller. I had chicken kebobs that were very good, and they had sinks by the restrooms that had seashells as spouts.

(I don't know if they intended them to look like vaginas or what, but the sure do look like vaginas)

I found this place that has hammocks out under some coconut trees. I need to be a customer to use them, so I go in. They have coffee drinks, and smoothie drinks, and coffee smoothie drinks. But they only take cash. And, I left my cash back at the condo. I didn't want to have to worry about it if I decided to go swimming. I can't grasp why I thought that was going to be a thing, now, but at the time that was my thinking. So, they sent me to an ATM. With some vague directions and just my credit card, because I lost my debit card the other day, I set out to fund a peanut butter coffee smoothie thing and a fucking hammock so I could just hang out somewhere and stay off my blistered foot.

(I already called my bank and stopped my card. The new one should be waiting for me when I get back, or at least soon after. I don't use it as much ass I used to, so it isn't a big deal to not have it, except when I need cash)

I decided to go the opposite direction the barista sent me. Mainly because I'm pretty sure my credit card isn't set up to get money out of an ATM. I seem to remember having an unsatisfying experience trying to do that once. Something about not knowing my P. I. N.

(Here's a bonus: how many people know what A. T. M. and P. I. N. stand for? Well, I'll tell ya. Automated Teller Machine, and Personal Identification Number. So, if you say ATM machine or PIN number, you are being redundant. You are really saying, Automated Teller Machine machine, and Personal Identification Number number. Same goes for a V. I. N. or Vehicle Identification Number, number)

I walk down to what's known as The Split. It is a place where Caye Caulker is divided in two. They used to connect, but apparently, according to legend, a famed 1961 hurricane, Hurricane Hattie hit the island and caused The Split. I find it odd that everything I've found on the subject so far says that people are unsure if that's what caused it of not. How are they not sure?

It's pretty neat in any event. I walked there, and walked around the end and then back up toward the hammocks and the peanut butter thing, only on the other side of the island. It was an interesting walk. Felt a lot more rural than San Pedro. After stopping at a couple of places I finally found the ATM. It was in a bank, and sure as shit, my credit card would not open the door to the little room where the machine was. And, the doors to the bank were locked. They were closed I guess. So, no hammock for birthday boy Stevie D!

I walked back up to the beach to find somewhere to just chill for the next three hours. I ended up back at that place I didn't eat at because it was the first place I saw. They had swing seats that looked out over the beach, such as it is. And, some chairs out on the beach. So, I ordered a virgin pina colada and laid down in the one lounger they had. I decided to get another drink, and maybe move up under the shady patio. This time I sat on one of the swing seats and drank another VPC and a soda water. It was about this time that I realized that I didn't have to wait another hour and a half for the 6:15 boat. I could take the earlier 5:15 boat back to San Pedro. I don't know why I was thinking I had to stay until 6:15.

These four women rolled up and sat at one of the picnic tables out front. They looked like they had been having a good time. They were drinking, not stupid drunk or anything. It became more apparent that some were drunker than others when one of them started freaking out because they only had three minutes to get to the boat to go back to, presumably Belize City. I thought it was funny because the boat pier was literally a 30 second walk from where we were. They could have thrown their mojito glass and hit it from there. This dude that works at this bar told them that the boat wasn't even there yet. As in fact you could look over and see that it wasn't. So they calmed down. I decided I was going to go back on the 5:15 boat. But, at 5:15 it wasn't there yet either.

Finally a boat shows up. The women get up and walk over to the pier. I swear I'm not the mask police, but I feel that if I have to wear one, so do you, and only one of them put theirs on, and they strolled right over to the boat. I finished my drinks and walked over there too. They seemed a little stressed. I'm not sure what was going on, but at least one of them was pretty worried that they were not going to get to where they wanted to go. I asked if this boat was going to San Pedro, and it was, so I gather that they were not going there. I left them and their unmasked faces there. To be fair, no one was saying shit to them about wearing a mask. I think people the world over are pretty much over this whole pandemic thing.

(If there is some spike in Covid cases in Belize, it's because of drunk Americans. Pretty sure)

I get on the boat, they don't. I go sit up top. I am sitting with the muthafuckin' Captain and shit! It was different riding up there. A much better view. More wind tho. I get back, go to the condo, relax a bit, then head out for my birthday dinner. I went to this joint I've walked by tons called Elvie's. I ordered the street corn, and the Mayan Chicken, and a slice of key lime pie. It was awesome. I loved the Mayan spices and the coconut rice. I walked home and sat on the balcony and pondered another year on this planet.

[dogda]

End-of-the-year book asks: #12

12. Any books that disappointed you?

ooh, yeah, definitely. in the last few years i’ve been trying to get over my need to finish a book no matter how much i may dislike it it, because what if it gets better? (sometimes it just doesn’t). but sometimes i make myself finish them anyway. not counting DNFs because i think that’s a separate question:

- aimless love - billy collins i made a post about this (very briefly) but billy collins just doesn’t do it for me. i got really tired of how many poems there were about the act of writing poems, or how often he inserted himself in things that didn’t need him to be there, and the “i’m so clever” tongue-in-cheek tone of almost everything. i genuinely liked maybe 5 or 6 poems in the whole book.

- black cats and evil eyes - chloe rhodes this was a loose collection of superstitions and folkloric traditions, and it was fine as a sort of starting point, but it was poorly organized and felt pretty shallow. i did learn a few things though.

- severance - ling ma maybe if i hadn’t been morbid enough to read a zombie novel during a pandemic, i would have enjoyed it more. i understand why the protagonist’s voice was so bland and unemotional, but it didn’t exactly make it thrilling. i did like the shen fever concept, since it was pretty different from other zombie plagues i’ve seen, but again, read it during a pandemic. i wanted to like it for what it was trying to do but i was kind of skimming by the end.

- most likely - sarah watson i read this for a book club at work that never happened because of covid, and i made myself finish it anyway because, i don’t know, some stupid sense of duty? i was already on furlough, what did it matter? anyway, the basic concept of this novel is kind of interesting, where one of four girls becomes the first female president but you don’t know which one at first. but the concept fell apart on a closer look because of how they framed it, and there was also an extremely uncomfortable subplot with a teenager pretending to be someone else and, more importantly, older to get close to a city councilor’s assistant (to the point of going on dates), which would have been very fun in an adult novel, but which was just statutory waiting to happen in this case. (luckily the guy fucking bolted as soon as he found out)

- an easy death - charlaine harris one of the only books i’ve ever left a goodreads review on, and only because i wanted to rep Wake of Vultures (because i will take every opportunity to do so): “A very exciting premise with very boring, inconsistent execution. If you want a gritty, funny, heartfelt historical fantasy western, skip this one and read Wake of Vultures by Lila Bowen instead.”

- malamander - thomas taylor also read this one for work. overall not bad, a strange little kids’ mystery, but with some elements that struck me as purposefully weird in a way that didn’t feel very natural. i had been expecting (hoping for) it to be creepy based on the cover and some of the marketing materials, and it very much wasn’t.

[swiftlymoniquesblog]

Winchester Quarantine Days- Dean x Reader

A/N: So, giving the fact that I am in self-quarantine, I have been reading a lot of fanfiction (obviously). One that I came across was “Stupid Beer Virus” written by @19mrs-rogers18​ (check it out!) and it inspired me to use the coronavirus as a prompt. Thanks love!

Summary: COVID-19 is taking its toll around the globe and you want to be completely prepared, no matter the cost to you. Yet, someone in the Bunker is not taking it well.

Warnings: Fluff, bits of angst, annoyance of the virus

Word Count: 1408

Masterlist | Prompt List| Feedback is WELCOME

-Monique

One thing you never thought you’d ever see in your lifetime is a mass-panic but the year 2020 had a different idea. Everyone wanted the start of the 2020s to be similar to the Roaring 1920s but this was not what anyone expected. A virus that started off sounding like the flu, grew to be one of the worst pandemics that will surely go down in world history. Thousands of people from six continents were being affected by this virus and a good amount were dying from it. Each morning when you woke up, another new spike in the “curve,” as they called it, would bring the total number higher and higher. You knew it wasn’t good to fill your head with the negative thoughts and facts of the virus, but you needed to know to be prepared.

“Hey Sammy, what are you looking at?” Dean asked, walking around the table from behind him to grab a cup of coffee.

“Just information about this virus.” He says, turning his attention back to the laptop screen in front of him.

“Dude, is that a good idea? I mean, nothing about this virus is good. Why are you reading so much about it?” Dean asks, sitting his coffee cup on the table as he sat behind the table in front of it.

“Well I think it’s interesting and if it gets bad enough, we’re going to have to quarantine. I want to know how to prepare in case we need to do so.” Sam explained.

“As long as you don’t obsess about it,” Dean said, grabbing his coffee and leaving him to his research. You shook your head, not believing this was as bad as the media was making it out to be.

As the weeks went on, the virus only grew more dangerous, and Kansas had issued a shelter-in-place order. It was time to quarantine and you knew the boys were not going to be happy. It meant, no leaving the Bunker, no hunting, no saving the world until the order was lifted. There was no way of fighting it at this point so you all did what was needed to be done. However, you weren’t aware of this fact at first.

“Hey Y/N, we need to talk to you,” Sam said, with Dean, Jack and Castiel coming into your room.

“What’s going on?” You asked, a bit concerned, seeing four concerned faces looking back at you.

“Looks like we’re going to have to quarantine, kiddo,” Dean said, coming to sit next to you on your bed.

“What? Are you sure?” You ask, suddenly standing.

“Yeah, we’re sure. As of midnight tonight, Lebanon is going under a shelter-in-place order. So, we need to make sure we’re stocked up on everything.” Sam explained but you refused to believe him.

“Wha-what are you saying? We, we can’t hunt? We can’t save the world, fight monsters? What are we supposed to do? Just sit around?” Your question.

“Hey, that might be fun. Now, you can feel more comfortable with Jack and Castiel; this could be a good thing.” Dean tried to console you but you just pushed his hand off your shoulder.

“But the rest of our lives will be canceled. That’s fucking great.” You storm out of the room, trying to wrap your mind around what was happening.

“Should someone stay behind and make sure she’s okay?” Castiel asked.

“I will. She’s my best friend; she’ll listen to me.” Dean spoke up, offering himself up as a solace to you.

“Okay, so Jack, Cas, and I will go ahead to the store and grab all the supplies we’ll need to last us for a week or two. And then if we need to, we’ll venture out slowly and grab more essential resources.” Sam said, grabbing keys to one of the cars the Bunker housed.

“Will you be okay, Dean? Will Y/N be okay?” Jack said, concern etching his childlike features again.

“Sure, we will, kid. Y/N is just as stubborn as I am and doesn’t do too well with change, but she’ll come around.” Dean said, nodding to the Nephilim as he joined the others on their journey to the grocery store.

After a few minutes, Dean decided to go check on you. You had snuck your way outside, right behind where the door leads down to the Bunker.

“You know you’re not supposed to be out here, right?” Dean said, making his presence known.

“I don’t care. If I get this stupid virus, I get it.” You say, not looking to the eldest Winchester.

“Well, that’s not a good attitude to have.”

“I don’t care what you think, Dean.” You lie, knowing his opinion of you was number one.

“Oh come on, sweetheart, I know that’s not true. I know you secretly think of me naked.” He said, winking at you.

Shit, where did he hear that? That was a quote from one of your favorite movies; 10 Things I Hate About You. A total chick flick he would say, but he must’ve been listening.

“In your dreams, Winchester.” You roll your eyes.

“Now that’s not the line, Y/N.” He teases.

“So, you do listen to my chick-flick movies, don’t you?” You counter, giving him a knowing look.

“Hey, that one had Heath Ledger in it. That guy was the Joker; he’s cool.” Dean said, making you roll your eyes but you tried to hide your blush at the fact that he knew one of your favorite movies.

“Look, I get it, this thing sucks, big time, but hey, now we can spend a little more time together,” Dean said, wiggling his eyebrows.

“You’re nauseating.”

“You love me.” He said, following you back into the Bunker.

You kept your distance from him but it was harder than you thought. He’d follow you around the Bunker because he didn’t have anything better to do. That is, until Sam, Castiel, and Jack came back.

“Hey, we could use some help out here!” Sam called to you and Dean, as you two dropped everything and raced to the garage to help bring the groceries.

Once everything was put away, you all agreed on ordering a pizza and watching a movie. For the fun of it, or to ‘set the mood’ as Dean called it, lit the fireplace. Still trying to keep your distance from Dean, you grabbed a blanket and covered yourself with its fluffiness. Without saying anything, Dean had sat next to you, grabbing a part of your blanket to cover himself. You gave him a warning look, to which he just shrugged and gave a look of innocence.

As the movie progressed and the pizza continued to disappear, you were minding your own business when you felt something on your hand. You looked over to Dean to see he kept his eyes on the screen before you but you felt his hand slip into yours. Trying not to focus on the feeling of his thumb running over your hand, you kept your eyes forward. He soon began rubbing your arm, bringing you close to his side, squeezing your hip. Glancing over to him, he slowly brought his gaze to meet yours and you both had the same idea.

Jumping up, you dashed to his room, where you were met with his lips smashing against yours. He pinned you against the wall, to ensure you wouldn’t go anywhere, not that you wanted to leave at this point. His kiss was intoxicating, something you had imagined for quite some time. He was soft, starting slow but soon began to pick up the pace. Lifting you so you were the same height as he was, his strong arms held your legs close to his torso. You were surprised when you felt his teeth on your bottom lip, tugging gently, practically begging you to let him in. Once you did, the kiss only escalated, and soon enough, you found yourself lying under him on his bed, still keeping your lips together. Your head began to pound, indicting that you needed air, and he took the hint. When he pulled back to look down at you, he held the biggest smile you had ever seen.

“God, I’ve been wanting to do that for so long.” He said, kissing your lips again.

“Maybe this quarantine thing won’t be so bad after all.” You said, smirking up at him, to which he laughed and said, “that’s my girl.”

@19mrs-rogers18​ @fandom-princess-forevermore​ @tloveswriting​ @forever-trapped-in-my-dreams​ @simpleboox​ @marvelfansworld​ @grace15ella​ @akshi8278​

[aalt-ctrl-del]

one of the big takeaways from what people are saying “Well, how can you hold Biden accountable. You don’t do anything but talk.”

We can hold Biden accountable. Because we’re not reliant on Biden to get things done, just like we’re not reliant on trump to get things done.

Don’t get me wrong, trump is a massive tumor that is malignant and holding up the process of getting shit done. But regardless who people chose to follow to hold the highest office for the next four years, we will be working. The virus won’t go away, so it is the responsibility of the sane, educated, intelligent faction to insure that measures are taken to reduce the spread of infection, until it dies out naturally in the human population. And a vaccine will be a huge hurtle towards this goal, but we need a viable vaccine going to the people in dangerous fields such as healthcare workers, our teachers, the elderly care homes, etc; if we are to guarantee protection while cases surge out of control under the trump influence, that our most vulnerable are first and foremost protected from probable infection. 

WE DON’T NEED TO PROTECT THE MALL SANTAS.

How are we holding Biden accountable? We elect the officials close to home, to guarantee they are keeping the higher office in check. Then you work with your community, you make a bunch of noise, you do research on what you need to do, and insure that people are united towards the means to an end of what your select and crucial goals would be. The political and judicial office is a long, tiresome dredge with channels you are forced to leap and bound through in order to reach milestones to that goal, but it is there.

In short you need t be a contributing member of your community, not just as a worker, but as a candidate and voice to the needs of your community. You go to meetings (virtual in our current time), communicate with YOUR elected senators and congress people, and you communicate. You write letters or you email letters.

You ask questions, you discuss, you show that you and your group are paying attention and observing their career with interest. Because those people you chose to out into office, they serve you. It is a delicate ecosystem, a balancing act - you earn the profits as a worker, and the senators and judges, and other political figures of your state, they decide what rights and laws you must abide by. 

Or how to approach a crisis.

So you have these people discouraging voters, or trying to point fingers with the whole “You can’t hold Biden accountable! Boo-hoo! YOU have no power here, and YOU never will. So why bother?”

How about uno reverse card, and we’ll say THEY have no power. THEY won’t hold Biden accountable for upholding his promises. Hell, these people can’t hold their own representatives accountable - y’know, the ones that suppressed their votes, and robbed them of their rights, and refuse to provide the minimal wage for services rendered. They have no one, no community aside from close friends, and family, and they won’t do the work. THEY expect the rest of us to do the work for them. And that is so lazy, just like trump. Lazy and worthless, and they want to pass that on to the rest of us.

You have to vote to start a chain reaction. That’s the start. You choose the people running for office, closest to your home, because they have direct control of your area - of the regulations and laws, and HOW TO DEAL WITH A CRISIS.

The people in my community recognized the lunacy of trump when he first hit office, and went out of their way to put Democrat leaders in place. And in the wave of an uncontrolled pandemic, it has greatly benefitted our people. Unemployment has been extended to those working reduced hours or those that are currently not working, we have mask mandates in order, and we have restaurants open. There are things done that I do not agree with, but my job currently is make sure that my family is protected.

Also, I understand the need for restaurants to be open during a time of scarce resources. That’s the whole balance of an economics, to prevent shortages from stores selling perishable items and disperse the population to keep people moving. To prevent too many people from gathering in one area, and reduce the spread of infection.

Our Congress people keep us updated with information, give away masks and encourage social distancing. Restrictions are present, but they are not stifling. Tests for covid are available, and people come from out of state to get them as well - which is annoying, but testing people regardless where they are located is forefront the necessity. My community has essentially adopted the practices and changes that Biden would put into affect, if he is given office. These policies work, but trump had no hand in it because that current canker is intent on destroying people quickly. My community was not reliant on the president, to get shit done, because truth be the leader in chief (or failure in this case) is not the most impactful character. trump is only a factor, because all these other republican states have this erection for this mass of corrupt stupid, and it’s affecting my state as well because people flood out of the hot spots into where I am at.

This is the point I am trying to make. You hold your leaders accountable, by being connected with your community. By being involved with a group that will have a sway over the choices these individuals deliver. Asking questions, makes people think. Observing the reactions politicians have to those questions, makes people judge the character they hold, who they are, and how they perform. The only difference between the political figures we choose, is the capacity to research and present information, to argue a case. It is what the elected congress people in my community do. And if they are super fucking poor at research, and delivery of comprehensive results, then WHY THE FUCK WOULD WE PUT UP WITH THEM?

Telling people not to vote or arguing that no one can hold Biden accountable, is so piss poor method of dispiriting people. They disempower you. They don’t think you’re worth it, they discourage you from thinking and working. Stay home. Why bother.

Because those people who say you don’t matter, they don’t want you to work your hardest. They don’t want you to research or do better. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER. But it won’t be given to you. You have to go out there and vote, and then have a plan of attack following that vote. Who you want in office a month from now, 6 months from now.

Because the virus won’t end come November 5. And we are going to need new methods of survival, if we are to reach December 31. Your community is the one you live in, they are the people you interact with, they are the ones who by scale of population, deciding whether or not to follow laws and regulations put into place. And they are the ones who will decide who the next leader of your community will be, and that is the most important following this election. Because those politicians, the ones closest to home, they will decide how to address this evolving crisis. And they will either decide if they want to fawn over trumps pasty-small hands, or if they should listen to the doctors and scientists regarding safe measures for reopening businesses.

[kristiemewisstan]

RED TAYLOR’S VERSION THREAD:

Oh I’m so excited to hear mature Taylor sing these songs

THE GUITAR RIFF AFTER TWIN FIRE SIGNS AND FOUR BLUE EYES JUST DID SOMETHING TO ME…ugh beautiful

aren’t we all just lost Maserati owners going down dead end streets that can’t solve crosswords cause there are not any right answers BURNING RED

THINK YOU SHOULD THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW I I I I I I I I I LIKE IT

All I can think about when I hear this song is that stupid fucking goat…NOW IM LYING ON THE COLD HARD GROUND *GOAT SCREECHING*…the way I used to think it was “when the stratosphere, comes creeping in” instead of “saddest fear” haunts me

let’s be real. i listened to the 10 minutes version of all too well first thing. It’s brilliant Taylor killed it and I love the production changes that we’re made on the songs cause they are brill

They way I was so excited for my 22 birthday and we went into lockdown less than a month before it so I got to listen to 22 alone in my room and couldn’t keep anyone next to me…… oh my god my 22nd year was all spent during covid god damn pandemic had to go and ruin what I thought was going to be the best year of my life lmao

this was my exes ringtone for like 5 years so if they called I would just listen to the song and be sad about not answering instead of answering

this was my other exes ringtone LMAO THE TOXICITY THAT IS THE RELATIONSHIP DESCRIBED IN THIS SONG taylor your indie records are 1000% cooler so pop off queen

I FULLY EXPECTED THIS TO BE MAD MORE POP-Y BUT IT JUST SOUNDS MORE COUNTRY… IVE BEEN LOVING YOU FOR QUITE SOMETIME this song gets so much unneeded hate cause it’s a bop and if you can’t realize that you don’t have ears

On to what is probably my favorite song off red and y’all can attack me for it later… THIS IS THE LAST TIME IM ASKING YOU THIS…there is some dissonance added in the production and it’s GIVING eerie vibes

TOOK OFF FASTER THAT A GREEN LIGHT GO… the best in this song is unmatched on the album it just makes me want to bounce

the forbidden love/secret relationship vibes of it all… this song always gave me “song fic” vibes because it’s the direct kinda angst I love also the banjo is GLORIOUS

NEW TO TOWN WITH A MADE UP NAME I feel like this song was the first time I ever heard taylor say anything against fame and then a few years later we get reputation which is *chefskiss*

you good to go? THEY KEPT IT… this song gives me so much nostalgia cause it was like one of the only songs my friends wanted to listen to for WEEKS… LEAD THERE TO NIGHT ED GOING HIGH!!!

surprisingly after my last listen to og red this was the song stuck in my head after… oooooo the small production changes are already SERVING

this was my ex girlfriends ringtone for a long time and it still depresses me to listen to but ITS SUCH A GOOD SONG… I THINK ITS STRANGE THAT YOU THINK IM FUNNY CAUSE HE NEVER DID

This songs deserved to not be a bonus track on the og album… It’s so good!!! THE WAY SHE REFERENCED THIS SONG IN THE 10 MINUTE VERSION OF ALL TOO WELL! FUCK YOU JAKE GYLLENHAAL!!! the cellos ruin me

THIS IS WHERE THE FEELING SINKS IN I DONT WANNA MISS YOU LIKE THIS… this song is another true masterpiece that should have been a full album song

WHAT IN THE PRODUCTION CHANGES… okay girl heat home go off I guess

Overall:

I fucking loved it and will always love it thank you for your time.