#dont worry Cay-Cay we still love you

[justanotherfanfolks]

Couple months ago I had Beanfest on the mind and remembered a little thing that happened early in the first Beanfest and it inspired me to draw:

Cater, how could you? The worst thing Cater has ever done is snub Deuce out of a Beans Camo, that other jacket should have been his!

Never forget what they took from us.

Oh and I also made Starsending Cater because I can.

[rqs902]

.

a lin ran feature :’) i respect hes self-aware about his need to be more than cute to succeed. lin ran has always given me a vibe that hes very serious and tough on himself. he looks soft but has high demands and seems very determined to get what he wants.

im not worried about li hao bc hes surrounded by a bunch of kids who can teach him how to dance LOL not just lin ran but like jin fan and tianci too

what is this pole and could they not move it LOL

lol so jin fan and tianci did a flippy trick and we just gonna pretend like it didnt happen lol okay 

ugh so jin fan kinda got to do more dancing than other stages but i was still hoping itd be more!!! but man lin ran is really killing with his stage presence here

leave it to ycw to speak loudly and vocally about his friends being injured so people recognize their suffering

LOL lin ran’s sassy “im not stupid!!” but yea the third stage was really rough for him, so im glad he was able to recover 

LOL lin ran again casually threatening the production team to be like “please edit this stage well” “please don’t cut our segment short” LOL 

lol yea im not surprised at this point that li hao won even tho it shouldve been lin ran. youku is def making these rankings up. lol gjm did you even look at lin ran’s facial expressions???? lol making up excuses for youku wat

lin mo praising lin ran and giving him encouragement like a true bro bc he knows how hard lin ran worked for this stage. i wonder if he designed the stage rigging

AY I RESPECT OSCAR. hes a good kid and someone whos willing to speak his mind to address problems, thats awesome. they need someone to do that. he’s direct with the problems but also directly follows by complimenting them and saying how great they could be if they pulled through LOL hes still a kid so hes trying not to offend them but i respect his courage, warmth and dependability. 

LOL XUE EN DESTROYED FRANKLIN HAHAHAHAHAHHA and he goes all cutesy after like he has no idea the power he holds LOL but im glad they showed some footage of xue en also teaching the other kids dance. cto skills whooo 

ycw still bringing up shiwei? hes either very caught up in his feelings still (which is probably not a good thing at this point) or hes just a really dedicated friend... or youku is just purposefully using shiwei’s elimination for dramatic effect. 

im surprised they didnt highlight cxh more bc youku seems to like him, and conversely they gave xzx a ton of time for his stage and let xzx win. 

XUE EN IS SO HANDSOME 

okay i just needed to get that out of my system

but also im kinda glad syh is in this group bc hes the only one who i will not laugh at when singing this song. ycw and oscar talking about drinks and whiskey??? yall are babies?? also this song does NOT match this dance well at all. i see why they didnt like it when they previewed it LOL also i see now why i saw an edit on twitter of this dance over “retreat” from qcyn bc that song actually FIT the tie pulling move.. versus this im just like ??? seems so out of place?? 

also their voices all sound weird :\ maybe its just too high of a register for ycw and cxh? or maybe theyre just not very good at singing....? lol 

giving xue en the only multi colored tie? THEY KNEW. 

im just happy that the party group was able to make their stage so well that other kids were regretting not choosing them bc ycw was really struggling to get people to join him...

LOL CSP BEING SILLY TO ZHAN YU THIS IS THE FRIENDSHIP I NEED

LOL XZX AND LIN MO are adorable together 

im glad that they spent time to say zhaohao has improved, i feel like hes gotten zero recognition so far. i feel like ycw winning is the only win i am willing to believe so far. (couldve been xue en too tho) 

A FEATURE ON XIKAN’S FRIENDSHIP WITH LUO ZHENG omggggggggggggggg luo zheng the sweetest ge, leaving all the good things for xikan whatt ugh but luo zheng is like literally going actor route so sad that he still wants to be on stage but has no opportunities. im grateful theyre still so close that xikan starts crying just thinking about him 

xikan being involved in the stage design and costuming and all makes me think of lin ran but also makes me think of cai xukun. cxk always gets so involved in every little detail to seek perfection

interesting that they focused it all on zry and lxk........ but at least highlighted xikan’s fun side

lol they purposefully cut in fan yu screaming zry’s name and ycw yelling cyc.... 

but also tbh xikan’s voice was not very strong during his high note and i know hes giving 110% into his dancing so im guessing he doesnt have much air left at that point but i was kinda disappointed it couldve been better. BUT he still did a good job. i thought the part where they ripped off his jacket couldve been more impactful? but it felt like it was just randomly in the middle of the rap break and he doesnt sing again until much later so it was like why did you change clothes there? 

tbh this song isnt that exciting? so im surprised that they wanted it that badly? 

i saw spoilers that fan yu was gonna be there and its adorable and i love their friendship but lol zuo ye being like i shouldve asked all my gege’s to come.... lol aka they know its kinda unfair for fan yu to be winning votes for zry

im grateful all the trainees are supportive of xikan and they purposefully showed a bunch of popular kids cheering for xikan

gosh that injury on his nose, you know hes put too much energy and is too invested into his dance part when he rips his own face like that :\ 

i saw spoilers that renyu would win and someone did the math that it makes zero sense for their group’s score to be that low, but i didnt expect their score to be THAT low.... goodness wtf thats definitely rigged, i see why people were mad. 

renyu winning is either entirely rigged bc youku wants him to debut or people are really just voting for him bc fan yu was there and that’s not fair either. i love renyu (and his friendship with fan yu) but there’s no way renyu actually won that many votes on a stage where he didnt really show his vocals that much and he messed up his dancing and he was surrounded by kids who danced much better and wouldve made him look not great. this makes zero sense. and the fact that ycw is the only winner that made sense is probably bc youku was like well we cant make it too obvious that its all a joke. but really, its all a joke. 

yes i love that renyu worked hard and stayed up all night but can we talk about how xikan does that for every stage? and renyu’s just now started to do so. renyu just came into this competition less prepared, so his improvement is easier to see. 

i still think if youku wants to debut renyu, theyll kick out lin ran from top 7, but can we talk about how lin ran put in all the effort to design and perfect his stage? how he teaches others to dance and pushes his group mates to shine as a leader and how he has truly one of the most memorable and formidable stage presences on this whole show? people say the debuting group will need renyu’s voice but how can you really say that renyu fits and is prepared and deserves to debut more than lin ran? 

renyu is adorable and talented but let’s be real, as a vocalist, hes not like you zhangjing, hes not like zhao lei, hes not like zhao pinlin, hes not proven that he really fits to be a main vocal in a boy band. youku cannot force us into believing that he can fit that role without any evidence to prove his worth. its like theyre trying to jam someone into that role and its like renyu’s their closest bet, but even tho he still doesnt quite fit, theyre just gonna shove him in anyway. this is what happens when you only give attention to people who are dancers and dont give actual attention to people who are actually boy band main vocal material.... /COUGH ZHAN YU or even cui shaopeng?? 

how can you possibly believe that renyu got 173 but their average was 134? none of xikan’s groups numbers make sense: 

how did shengen suddenly drop so much? youku has been touting him this whole time into the top 10. shouldnt more of xikan’s fans voted for xuyu? bc he literally begged during the last elim for xuyu to make it this far. xuyu wasnt even dead last in the elim ranking but here he gets last place by like 15 votes??? when everyone else’s vote difference is like half of that at max? 

you expect me to believe lin ran only got 127 after he literally descended from the ceiling as an angel? that doesnt attract attention? how are both zuo ye and hu wenxuan so low? wenxuan was literally center and had bright pink hair, and in a song style that suited him, you cant tell me he didnt shine on this stage. xikan tied with xzx???? beneath a kou cong and su xunlun tie??? no way 

theres one week left and youku’s getting desperate to make it look like whatever they’re going to make happen will be a natural result, that this competition is up in the air and no one is safe, but it just seems very questionable to me. 

sooo does this mean there arent gonna be elims before the finals or what, we just dont see them announce who gets to perform? im assuming not all 32 kids will take part? and theres not gonna be a mentor collab stage? it wouldve been cool to see han yu and cheng xiao with the kids. there were 3 stages between the first and second elimination but no third elim and no mentor stage? its a mad rush to the end, honestly. 

oh well, we still love these CHILDREN 

ps: if youve been following my rants, i honestly feel like i have had a really positive impression of zheng renyu from the start and i really do like him. he makes really good songs and his voice is very nice and his friendships are pure and his attitude is commendable. 凄美地 and 當帷幕落下 and 後來的我們 are some of my favorite favorite songs to listen to from this entire show, like probably 3 of my top 5, and a good deal of that is because of renyu and his voice. but im just trying to be realistic and renyu is not in my ideal debuting boy band. 

[cryinggameff]

Seventy-Three

Randi

It felt like we were in limbo for the last week. Cayden and I weren’t fighting, I was back home, and we were together, but it was different. It was like a dark cloud was looming over our heads, threatening. I still was not sure if I could stay with Cayden no matter what, even if the results said the boy was his, and he knew that. So I was confused, and he was on edge. We both tried to distract ourselves, me by buying stuff for the baby and him by working on his new businesses.

I was on my laptop looking at cribs when Cayden got home that night. I looked up when I heard the door and a few moments later he walked into ththe living room where I was sitting.

“Why you still up?” He asked. It was almost 2 in the morning.

“Baby was moving too much, I couldn’t sleep” I said, closing my laptop. He paused. I could tell something was up just by his voice. That’s when I noticed he held an envelope in his hand. My heart stopped for a moment. I looked from the envelope to him. “Is that it?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said, “must have come this morning.”

“Have....have you opened it?”

“No,” he said, looking at it for a long time. I tapped the spot next to me and he sat down. “I don’t know if I can.” I nodded, understanding. Eventually my anxiety was just too much and I put my hand out.

“I’ll do it,” I said. He gave it to me and I quickly tore it open before I lost my nerve. I unfolded the letter and started reading. After a bunch of confusing graphs and tables was the written results.

I didn’t realize I had stopped breathing until i let out a relieved breath.

“He’s not yours,” I told him. Cayden let out a sigh of relief and pulled me into him. It was like a weight had been lifted.

“Fuck, I feel like a nigga on jerry Springer,” he mumbled, in disbelief. I let out a shaky laugh, my heart still recovering. “I’m sorry I put you through all this shit Ran. I should have known my past would catch up with me eventually.”

“I know you are Cay...and I’m sorry I made you worry that I’d leave you. I know I promised not to hold your past against you, and I went against that,” I looked down at my hands, too ashamed to look him in the eye.

“I’m not mad at you,” he lifted my chin. We looked at each other for a while in silence. Looking into his eyes something crossed my mind. I put my hand to his cheek.

“I know your face like the back of my hand, how can that boy look like you?” I tilted my head. Cayden picked up the letter, reading for himself. His brows came together in confusion.

“This says that the samples were similar, not father and son, but we’re related somehow,” he said. I was so lost, but Cayden was already on his feet.

“What?”

“No, it can’t be,” he said, shaking his head. I grabbed his arm.

“What Cayden?”

“There’s only one way that;s possible. Think bout it,” he said, clenching his jaw. It took me a minute but eventually I said,

“Trey.” Cayden nodded.

“He must have cheated on Jenny, with Keisha, and he knew I was hooking up with her too” he sounded upset, or hurt. “Nah Trey wouldn’t do that to Keisha or to me,” he sat back down. I bit my lip and touched his shoulder.

“I’m sorry you had to find out like this. I know he was your older brother, but he was human, he made a mistake,” I tried to console him. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel to have the image of someone you looked up to tarnished, especially when they were gone. I could tell he was angry, but there was no one to yell at.

“I wonder if Jenny knew,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face. “I need to tell her,” he said. I shook my head quickly.

“I don’t know about that Cayden. You two already fought, and this will hurt her. That was her husband Cay.”

“He has a whole kid that she didn’t know about, what happens if she sees him. Yo, imagine if she had been at Ty’s party!” He shot up again.

“You have a point,” I signed, “if i saw it as soon as I set eyes on the kid, so will she.”

“This is some fucked up shit,” he grumbled. I tried to get him to sit again, pulling him down. I guided his head into my lap, running his hair.

“I know. But you know what?” I said softly.

“What?” He asked, his eyes closed.

“You have a piece of Trey now, a way to stay connected to him,” I pointed out. He never answered, and I assumed he was thinking about it. We eventually fell asleep on that couch.

Cayden

Jenny brought back so many memories, she may as well have been my sister. When I saw her I just wanted to smile or laugh, because all the memories were tied to Trey and bad things we used to do.

“You’re  lucky I even came,” she said, folding her arms. That was fair, i thought.

“I know,” I nodded. “I acted like an ass. I just never prepared for that, you moving on from Trey.” Last time we had seen each other was the part where she brought her boyfriend and i didn’t take it very well and lost it on both her and Randi.

“I’ll never completely move on from him, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life sad. I can’t, and you shouldn’t either,” her face softened a little.

“You right, and I know you’re not trying to replace him, I didn’t mean that. I guess I’ve just been clinging onto him so hard because I’m scared I’ll  start to forget, and I’ll feel guilty to move on. Like sometimes I’ll forget when I’m with Randi, or thinking about the baby, and I’m so happy that I forget for a bit, then i feel so guilty. Is that weird?” I locked my jaw.

“No, but that’s not something to be guilty about. I realized, after all these years, that Trey wouldn’t want us to stay sad forever. You’re allowed to be happy. It’s good to Forget sometimes, even if for just a few minutes, that he’s gone, for your own mental health,” she reached for my hand. I gave her a small smile and she smiled back. This made what I had to tell her harder.

“Look Jenny, the reason why I called you. I need to tell you something. Its about Trey,” I said. She was confused.

“Ok? What about him?” She looked scared, like it may be something she didn’t want to know, which this was.

“I don’t know how to say it, so I’m just gonna put it out there,” I said. She nodded. “Ok. Trey cheated, while you guys were together....with Keisha. The girl I was with at the time, don’t know if you remember her but...” I trailed off. I expected her to cry, or scream, something. But she looked apologetic.

“I know sweetie,” she said.

“Wait? You knew about it?” I was even more confused.

“I found out about it and confronted him. But we worked through it, and I eventually forgave him. I didn’t want to hurt you, so I asked him and Keisha not to tell you, he was going to confess. Then he died and I didn’t want to ruin the image you had of your brother, so I kept it to myself,” she said, squeezing my hand. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I never knew. You guys always looked so happy and, well perfect.”

“We went through a lot, but god, we loved each other, the dangerous kind of love. Nothing could have broke us up,” she said.

“I understand that,” I mumbled, knowing that was me and Randi.

“But how did you find out?” She asked. Well shit, this part would for sure shock her.

“Keisha has a son, and I thought he was mine. Turns out we are related, but not as father and son. He’s Trey’s,” I finished. She dropped my hand and her mouth fell open.

“A-are you sure?” She stuttered. I nodded. She looked like she wanted to cry. “I want to see him,” she said urgently. I made a face.

“Um is that a good idea? That’s just gonna hurt you more, and I don’t want you and Keisha to have problems,” I shook my head. It sounded crazy to me.

“That was the man I loved, with everything in me. So I’m telling you Cayden, if Trey has a kid out there, I need to see him,” she said, looking me dead on. I sighed.

“Ok. I’ll give you her number,” i said.

I’m not sure what Jenny expected, but I also understood. I was curious about the kid too. Would he remind me of Trey? Talk the same, or laugh the same as him?

When I got home I thought Randi would be there but she wasn’t so I called her.

“Where are you?” I asked.

“The salon, we have a big bridal group today remember?” She sounded like she was moving around, and there was a lot of noise in the back.

“Are you even supposed to be working anymore? The doctor told your ass to chill ,remember.” I was irritated because she always ignored shit that the doctor told her. She was sick most of the pregnancy and the doctor had told her she could have the baby early if she didn’t take it easy especially towards the end.

“I’m sitting. And the baby isn’t coming for a few weeks still, I just wanna get things in order before I leave,” she said. “How was it with Jenny?”

"Well apparently she knew about Trey cheating," i shrugged to myself, "the kid was a surprise though."

"I can imagine. So what did she say?"

"She talking about she wants to meet him, she gonna talk to Keisha,which is gonna be interesting, i know Keisha," i opened the fridge door looking for something to eat. There was leftovers from last night and i pulled them out to make myself a plate.

"This is like a soap opera, but like a sad one" she said.

"Legit. So when you coming home?" i asked.

"I'll leave soon. I didn't know you'd be home so early," she said, "But i really gotta go babe," someone was calling her in the background.

"Aight, catch you later."

I went to watch a game i had recorded while i ate my food.

Randi got home about 2 hours later, and damn she was looking good. Her makeup was all done and so was her hair.

"Who you looking good for?" i asked when she came down the hallway from the entrance. She laughed. She was even wearing red lipstick which she knew was a weakness for me.

"I wanted to look good for work today that's all," she said, "plus, who gonna be checking for me?" she gestured to her bump.

"Oh dont play that, i seen dudes looking at you when we go out, and i know that nigga you work with be eyeballing you all the time," i reminded her. She rolled her eyes.

"Our reno guy? You still on that?" She asked. I had almost fought the dude when he was eyeing her in my own house. I threw her a dirty look for playing dumb and she giggled. "You so bitter you can't even compliment your own wife?"

"I said you looked nice," i said still mean mugging her.

"No, you asked who i was looking good for, thats different," she stopped in front of me, arms crossed. That just made her boobs pop out of her dress more. She sat down in my lap and i wrapped one arm around her waist and put the other on her stomach. Things felt normal again, us just sitting here, and i was so thankful that things worked out the way they did, that she was still here. She was having my first kid and things were right again.

"You look aight" i said, looking up from her belly to her face. She threw me a mean mug this time.

"Why are you home early anyways? Don't you have things to do at the warehouse? You weren't there yesterday, you didn't go today, that never happens.”

"Sean is pretty much handling everything now, all i'm doing is closing my old deals and collecting what's mine. So i really ain't gotta be there," i told her. I had settled the deal with Sean a while ago to buy me out and take over the business.

"Really?" she couldn't believe it. I chuckled at her shock.

"I told you, i'm out. I promised you the future you wanted and i meant it" i shrugged. She threw her arms around my neck and hugged me suddenly. I was surprised but wrapped my arms tight around her.

"Thank you," she whispered by my ear. I kissed her head.

"Speaking of the future, what's up with the house? Do you not want to move anymore?” I asked, confused. She moved her face out of my neck. She had been so excited about it before but now when id bring up moving, since the baby was about to come, she was real silent. She bit her lip and shook her head. “What happened?”

“I tried packing, and I couldn’t. I don't know, we have so many memories here, it’s home. I mean yeah, it doesn’t have the countertops I want, and you got shot in our kitchen which is a bummer ” she paused and we both laughed. “But I can’t see myself bringing the baby home anywhere else but here.”

“Then we stay here,” I kissed her forehead, “and get new countertops.”

“I also may have started on the nursery while I was stress shopping so now we have to stay," she said quickly.

"Is that why we've been getting all those deliveries?" i asked. She leaned in and kissed me instead of answering.

[yanjuniverse]

Why Not You? | Cai Xukun Imagine

[Summary: Cai Xukun goes out for a high school party & you discover just how truthful of a drunk he is.]

Cai Xukun - star basketball player. has already been scouted for three different colleges and has a full ride to all of them if he agrees to play for them.

he’s really popular in school

like maybe a little too popular

but he doesn’t really like being popular, tbh.

because he feels like a lot of people only wanna be his friend because of it

and the only true friends he has is you and ziyi

ziyi is also co-captain of the basketball team and him and xukun are undefeatable

ziyi is also a more popular kid but he likes you because you’re really chill and you both have the same kind of taste in music

but they like to party and you don’t

when they do, you always stay up until one of them tell you they’re home safe

they also might need a designated driver sometimes

but usually they call someone else because they know you hate the smell of alcohol

one night though, your phone is ringing & you see ziyi’s face flashing across the screen

“listen, i know you hate us right now but can you please come? xukun is a little too wasted right now and he keeps asking for you.”

you groan, “fine. send the address. i’ll be there as soon as i can.”

when you show up, xukun is really wasted

and it worries you because he’s more of a casual drinker

and ziyi has sobered up a bit at the sight of his friend, who’s sitting on the sidewalk singing out loud to some song at the top of his lungs

“im sorry,” ziyi frowns as he throws xukun into the back of the car.

you simply shake your head and hand him some water bottles, making him smile as he slides into the passenger’s seat

“Y/N? Y/N i loveeeee you,” Xukun beams from where he’s laying in the back

you simply ignore him as you pull up in front of ziyi’s house

“you want me to take him?” he asks.

you shake your head, “no. he’ll be better off at my place. if your dad gets one whiff of that alcohol on that kid, it’s game over for the both of you.”

“you know, you really are cool, Y/N,” ziyi smiles.

you shrug, “my parents really like xukun,” you say while peering at him through the rearview. his eyes are shut but his head is still bobbing along to the music. “they don’t mind his state. they always wish i could be more social like him but,” you shrug again. “whatever.”

“just stay the way you are. some people actually really like how introverted you can be.”

you blush, “yeah? name one.”

ziyi just laughs. “see you on monday.”

you drive home and haul xukun up the stairs

he’s staring at you the entire time

and now he’s laying on your bed, watching you with heavy lidded eyes

“here,” you say, handing him the water from your dresser. “drink this so i dont have to hear about how much your head hurts tomorrow.”

he tilts his head up and lets you feed him the water, his eyes never leaving yours

“why do you keep doing that?” you groan. “stop looking at me like you’re looking at fried chicken.”

“i can’t help it,” he whines, throwing his head back on the pillow

“why did you even drink so much?” you roll your eyes. “now my room is going to stink.”

“you hurt my feelings today.” he says it so casually that you can barely hear the sadness in his tone - as if this has happened too many times before.

“what are you talking about?”

“i saw you talking to linong,” he sighs. “he’s a good match for you, though. smart, handsome, warm hearted. he’s all the things i could never be for you.”

you roll your eyes and brush back Xukun’s hair, “what are you even going on about?”

“that if anyone should date you, it should be him. even though i don’t want it to be him, it should be. he’s what you deserve,” he replies. xukun rolls over and turns his back to you.

“linong is my project partner you doorknob.”

his head perks up and he turns to look at you, body swaying a bit as he sits up. his face is suddenly inches from yours as he says, “so i still have a chance?”

“kunkun, you’re drunk,” you whisper.

“i’m not drunk, i’m in love with you,” he cheers.

his eyes are so glossy and he smells so much like alcohol that your throat burns

“xukun,” you whisper. “don’t tell me you got almost black out drunk because you were jealous.”

he hums, “you make me feels stupid.”

“go to sleep,” you tell him. “you’re drunk.”

he pouts, laying down. “stay with me?” you’re hesitant but lay down nonetheless, making him sigh and wrap his arm around you. “you’re always there for me, you know?” he burries his head into you neck and inhales deeply. “i’ve been trying to work up the courage to say i love you for a while but seeing you with linong-“

“you’re drunk, xukun.”

“but i’m a truthful drunk,” he whines.

“just go to sleep, okay?” you frown.

you can’t see it but he’s frowning a little too hard as he falls asleep.

when he wakes up though, he’s confused and disoriented and his head hurts a little bit

“good morning,” you say, just entering the room. he shoots up at the sight of you, panic striken. “chill out,” you scoff. “my parents know you’re here and i already texted your mom and told her we caught a late movie.”

he groans, covering his face from the sunlight. “why does my head hurt so bad?”

“probably because you decided to party a little too hard last night?” you raise an eyebrow. you walk over with some medicine and some toast. “eat up or go back to sleep. i don’t care,” you frown.

xukun slowly eats, his eyes following you as you sit at the desk to do your homework.

it’s when he hears your phone ring and the name “nongnong” leave your mouth that all the feelings from last night come back

now xukun has been trying to deny his feelings for you for a while. afterall, you were his best friend and he wasn’t the type to just ruin a relationship this strong just because he has some stupid feelings. but when he saw you talking to linong after school the other day, he felt a sting in his heart. the last conversation he had with you ended with him leaving you at the school and telling you to tell linong to take you home. (ziyi ended up taking you home that day after ranting about how much of a jerk xukun is)

he doesn’t know what comes over him but he’s suddenly climbing over the bed and toward you

“yeah, i’ll do all of the even numbered questions and you-“

“linong?”

“what are you doing?!” you scold, looking at xukun, who has taken your phone away and is now talking

“it’s xukun. can you call back later? no, everything is fine. i just really need to do this or else i might never have the guts to ever again. okay. okay. bye byeeee.”

“what are you doing?!” you ask again as he shoves your phone in his pocket.

“we have to talk,” he sighs, sitting on the bed.

“cai xukun, after all the trouble you’ve put me through this weekend, the last thing i wanna do is talk to you.”

“i meant what i said,” he blurts out.

“what-“

“i’ve liked you ever since the third grade and i don’t know when it happened but i ended up falling in love with you - hard. and if you don’t love me back like that then we can just go back to being friends and -“

“why are you telling me this now?” you whisper.

he shrugs, “i just...because linong is so much better. he’s smart and humble and is president of our class while i’m just some basketball playing airhead who can’t even get the girl.”

“you could have any girl you wanted. why me?”

he shakes his head and smiles, “why not you?”

“you promise this isn’t some sort of sick and twisted game where i end up the butt of the joke?” you eye him suspiciously

“maybe this will convince you it’s real.”

and that’s when it happens

your best friend ever since you were little is kissing you

needless to say, it was real

as a couple you guys did a lot of couple outfits

you wearing his jersey on game days

lots and lots of cute stuff sksksksk

ok the end sorry i suck at endings

(a/n: i’m going to stop it here just because im really bad at endings. i have like 8 drafts that i cant post just because i suck at endings. i might delete this too sooooooooooooo. i also didn’t proof read it because i just wanna get this cringey post over with so if you see a mistake, let me know!)

MASTER LIST

[fenharelxenansal]

ooc;;

so i went back into my discord history to dig up some meta i wrote a while back about briala. alice, nixe, mo, merc, and cay have all already read this, but i feel like a lot of it is really important to my characterization and i want it on my blog. maybe someday i’ll format it to read in a less disjointed, chat-style way, but for now -- have 1600+ words about briala’s backstory, i guess?

cw: lots of emotional abuse and gaslighting, lots of character death

im having a mood abt the tactics celene might have used to keep briala on her side when they were fighting and aaugh

bc i think a lot about the scene at the beginning of TME where bria is getting sexually harassed by a palace guard and the fact that nobody in that scene, briala included, acts like its anything particularly abnormal. that worries me

i mean. celene killed her damn parents. i dont think encouraging a guard to harass briala from time to time to make herself look like a saint in comparison is beyond her

and i have this mental image of briala being hurt in some way, nothing serious, a bruise here or there from someone other than celene, deliberately caused to send her running back to the empress who will make it all better

to give briala someone to hate instead of celene

to give celene the opportunity to 'make it up' to her

because i dont believe for a second that celene, grand player of the Game that she is, wouldn't stoop that low

she would do anything in her power to keep briala

because she is too dangerous, she knows too much

my headcanon is that when celene tried to send her away to live with the Dalish, it wasn't for her own protection

it was to keep her from ever realizing the truth of what happened the night her parents died, because it could destabilize celene's grip on power

and when Briala came back, well, she had to come up with another plan. and she cared for Briala enough that she didn't want to just kill her. so she made her into an intensely loyal asset

so i think any time Briala started to turn on her, started to want to leave her service even a little, she would do something to make herself look like the good guy again

the thing i always think about

Briala was supposed to be killed that night along with her parents

it wasn't 'all the servants except briala' it was 'all the servants'. the fact that she survived was pure luck, and the fact that celene didn't just have her killed after that point was because. well. Celene was a 16 year old lesbian about to ascend the throne of one of the most powerful countries in Thedas. One might imagine her a bit lonely.

im pretty sure she knew sending briala away was sending her to likely bandits or death by starvation

but she didn't have to feel so personally responsible for that

its easy to kill a palace full of servants whose names you dont know

theyre just numbers on a piece of parchment saying how many bodies you have to clean up

briala made herself real to celene and that makes her harder to kill

because she could have just killed her right then herself

but celene never had the stomach for killing people herself. she just gives the orders.

and so when faced with that situation, with her personal handmaiden traumatized, crying, covered in her parents' blood saying 'they're all dead', the smart thing to do would have been to kill her. but celene didn't do that. she just sent her away to near-certain death instead.

Briala is incredibly dangerous to Celene

especially post-TME, post realization of exactly how Celene orchestrated her rise to power

she is the only one who knows that Celene's claim on the throne is truly illegitimate, no matter how much Gaspard tries to argue it

not only did she have her own palace servants murdered

she had the emperor assassinated

which i think everyone misses?

she had him assassinated and then staged the murder of her palace servants to paint herself as an innocent victim who just happened to not be there that night

thats why all the palace servants were killed

so that suspicion would not fall on her for Florian's murder

the point was to make it look like the same assassins who went after her uncle were also going after her

when in reality she was the one calling the shots all along

i did briefly toy with writing a verse where Briala never met Felassan, where she made it to the Dalish safe at 14 years old and tried to become one of them

but the fact is that the moment he sent her back to Celene was a defining moment for her, something that fundamentally changed her, and she wouldn't have been anywhere near the same person without that

it told her, right there and right then, subtextually and insidiously, that the cause was the most important thing, more than her safety - because she knew it was dangerous being anywhere near the Empress-to-be, she wasn't stupid. she didn't even really know what the cause was at that point; he never told her what he got out of their meetings. so the cause to her became helping elves. and then that really quickly became warped to helping celene because she convinced her that it was the best way to serve the cause.

"what would have been different if she'd decided what she wanted to fight for on her own?"

she would have been a lot less.....not less dedicated, but less 'dedicated to the detriment of her own wellbeing'

if she had decided herself not to go to the Dalish, to stay by Celene's side to enact change, rather than just following the orders of other people, her story would be very different

concept: briala actually processing her trauma??? what???

bc you know the moment she got back to the palace with Celene after meeting Fel for the first time she threw herself headfirst into the Game

she focused all of her energy on intelligence-gathering and supporting Celene in her bid to become Empress

She never gave herself a single moment to grieve

and it isn't an uncommon story in Thedas, an elf watching someone or multiple someones they love cut down by humans

imagine if u will: briala, trying to have a funeral, not just for her parents, but for all of them

thats the thing i really feel the need to

idk

it wasn't just her parents

briala grew up in the palace. her parents were both palace servants.

she knew every single one of those servants. they were her friends and her family. and at the end of it she was left standing covered in blood in front of celene. celene was all she had left.

she didn't have any friends at the beginning of TME. she was friendly with the cook, but that was it.

celene took a generally happy, driven, and incredibly smart 14-year old elven girl and took away everyone she had ever known except herself. she made herself briala's world.

that's the real reason i hate that you can reunite them. its not that i don't believe they could be reunited - its that they can. because briala doesn't have anyone else. she has celene and felassan. that's it.

when you only have one person, its easy to make excuses for them and justify the things theyve done. its easy to believe them when they apologize and promise to do better.

thats why i want briala to have friends and lovers and people

i want to have a verse where she has grown so far beyond that point that she would laugh if Celene asked her to return to the palace

i want her to stop loving Celene but she isn't there yet

in my current writing, at least

she is still vulnerable to her in every verse where Celene is still alive

i just imagine her like

talking quietly about her childhood best friend among the servants

we don't get to see much of Briala's childhood

we get the moment of her mother telling her she mustn't try to hide her ears and that she must be proud of being an elf. that's really it.

but we do know that there were other children of servants who were considered for Celene's handmaiden aside Briala

i like to think she was friends with these other children. that she wasn't always lonely from the start

but of course that leads down the road of those friends being slaughtered as well so its a tradeoff

and then there's the question of whether when Celene kissed her when she was sending her away, if that was her first kiss, if she ever even had the chance to love someone else

i think a lot about how Briala spent 20 years learning how to love exactly 1 person the way she wanted to be loved

just imagining her trying to have a romantic relationship with someone else with that framework still in place is painful. it wouldn't work no matter how much she wanted it to because she'd be treating them like celene. she has no other model for how a relationship can work

she bypasses that somewhat with Lana, but its still there, thinking that the best thing to do is the thing that Keeps Lana Safe

she wouldn't recognize abuse if she got into another bad relationship

and she doesn't know how a relationship works where she isn't centering the other person's needs over her own

she gave up everything she ever wanted or aspired to for Celene

one time i got a prompt from a lyric starter list i made

'you can still be what you want to'

and briala just. broke for a moment.

'no. i can't. i never could - none of us ever could. thats why we fight.'

she doesn't have interests or hobbies or friends or a life

celene was her life and now she's filled that void with her cause

[cryinggameff]

Sixty Eight

Randi

Cayden was gone for work all week, and I was struggling being without him. He called several times a day to check in or just talk but it wasn’t the same. Being away from him was almost physically painful right now. It’s like the baby actually knew he was gone and made me feel this pull towards him.

The only thing keeping me going was that he had promised to take me away once he got back. He had been saying for several weeks that he was gonna bring me to Jamaica because I was all he could think about while He was there last. Until then I was just focusing on work and hanging with my friends. My mom was staying at the house currently because Cay called her behind my back and told her I needed her help while he was gone.

“Have some breakfast,” she said, pushing the plate to me.

“I’m not ready to eat yet, I’ll just have some juice.”

“You need some real calories, hows the baby supposed to grow?” She said. I looked down at my small bump, taking in what she said.

“Maybe just a little bit,” I mumbled, sitting at a chair. She made me a plate with way too much excitement and brought it to me. I started nibbling away and she watched my eat. It was just like Cayden was here.

“So when’s your next appointment?” She asked.

“When Cayden gets back. It was supposed to be a bit ago because I’m over three months but I kept putting it off,” I moved aside the eggs that were looking very off putting for some reason.

“Are you gonna find out the gender?”

“I don’t know yet. I kind of want it to be a surprise,” I shrugged. She shook her head.

“Then how am I supposed to start shopping!?” She looked at me like I was crazy. I laughed.

“You can by it when he gets here,” I offered.

“So you think it’s a boy?” She said. My brows came together.

“I have no idea.”

“You said he,” she smiled. I blushed. It was just a habit, honestly I didn’t really think about it that much. I was just focused on getting the baby out safe and sound and surviving the pregnancy myself. A boy would be cute though, and a lot of fun for Cay. But so would a little girl, and I could really see Cay spoiling her.

“Maybe I’ll find out,” I said. I looked at my watch. “I have to go to my appointment now. You can go home mom, I’ll be fine here,” I got up from the chair.

“Go ahead. I’ll clean up. Are you sure honey?”

“I’m sure. I’ll call you if I need anything. I’m not gonna be here until later tonight anyways,” I pointed out.

“Okay then. I’ll head out soon, I’ll have my cell, I can be here in 5 minutes,” she smiled.

“Okay. Bye mom, I love you,” I grabbed my things and prepared to leave before she could make me late.

When I got to Dr. Williams office, the secretary was on the phone and typing away on her computer she looked so flustered. I wondered why it was so busy. I had to sit and wait until she got off the phone.

"So sorry to keep you waiting dear. All appointments for today are cancelled. Mrs. Williams went into labour this morning," she said.

"Oh! Wow, how exciting," i said, imagining the day i would be in that position.

"Yeah, she was getting ancy, she was a week over due already. How far along are you?"She looked at my bump with a smile.

"4 months. I still got a while to go," i ran my hand over my small bump.

"It will go quickly from here, dont worry," she said. That sounded comforting and frightening.

"Im sure it will," i said simply.

"She left a message for you by the way," she said, turning to her computer. I wasn't surprised, Dr. Williams was a family friend by this point and she would feel bad about cancelling one of our appointments. "She says she emailed you the hospital shes at with visiting hours and that you're welcome to come see the baby."

"I hadn't checked my email," i said, pulling out my phone. I checked my mail and sure enough there was an email from her. "Thank you for letting me know. Ill give her a call. Thank you," i said.

"No problem hun. Did you want to see someone else?" she asked. "Dr. Hillinger is in today."

"No thats fine. Thanks though. Have a good day," I said, grabbing my phone off the counter. I left the office and went back to my car. I debated whether or not to go back home but decided i might as well go to the salon. I didn't really wanna be home alone anyways.

Cole

Ty was staying with me for the last few days and we had been having a good time, i loved having him around. Honestly, i got really lonely being here on my own. I didnt have him, i didn't have Randi or any of my other friends. I didn't wanna tell him that though. That day we were going to go watch a basketball game, id gotten the tickets a while ago because i knew it was a game he wanted to see.

"Yo, lets go man," i yelled at him from the door of my apartment. He was fixing his hair in the mirror in the bathroom. For a dude who was supposed to be all tough and shit he cared a lot about his appearance, especially his waves. He finally came out and i opened the door to leave.

We had to wait to get into the arena because the line was crazy.

"I told you we should have left earlier," i said.

"Chill, we'll get in soon," he said squeezing my hand which was in his.

"Man whatever," i mumbled, looking around at all the people. That's when i saw the people beside us, an older couple. They were looking at us like we had horns growing from our head or something. I scoffed and Trey turned to look at what i was staring at. This wasn't my first run in with openly homophobic people, hell i'd had things thrown at me by strangers before. But i doubted Trey had experienced this before and i wasn't sure what he would do or feel. I would have understood  if he dropped my hand or back away, but he pulled me closer to him and said,

"Can we help you?" to the man and lady. They looked shocked and both of them went as red as tomatoes before turning away. I smirked and looked at Trey. It was a confidence booster seeing him stick up for us like that, that he didn't deny me when it would have been easier.

"What?" he asked when i continued to look a him.

"Nothing," i said, but the truth was in that moment i realised i was dead ass in love with Trey, like i could really see myself spending the rest of my life with the nigga, and that terrified me. I let go of his hand and put my hands in my pockets. He looked a bit confused but didn't say anything.

The game was good and all and we had a fun watching but the day just went left after that incident. I knew it was me, i was acting off and he noticed. We barely talked on the way back to my apartment. When we got there he just packed his things because he was leaving that night.

"Well, i guess imma head out then, i gotta get home," he said, closing the duffle bag that was on the bed.

"I'll walk you to your car," i said, getting up from the bed.

At his car we paused and awkwardly kissed, then he got inside and that was that. I knew i shouldn't have left it like that but i was feeling overwhelmed, id never felt like this before, honestly never thought i would. The scariest part was i didn't know if Ty loved me back. I decided to go for a run instead of staying in my place so i could clear my head.

Ty

I had just gotten back in to town when my phone rang. I picked it up because it was likely work.

"Yo," i said.

"ey, its me," Cayden said.

"Was good my nigga? How that deal going?" I pulled up at the light and put my phone on speaker.

"Niggas aint have my money yet, im giving them one more day, after that i'm bout to bounce," he was moving stuff around in the back.

"Why you even give them another day?" I chuckled. "You getting soft my nigga,"

"Man, it aint even like that. I know dude."

"Aight, bet. What you need?" I asked, wondering why he was calling me.

"Go see Randi for me," he said. I should have guessed.

"Aight, but you know theres already niggas there watching your place right?"

"It aint that, i need someone to check if she need anything. That reminds me, pull up with food. Ice cream, saltine crackers, that's what she be craving," he said. Damn, i thought, this pregnancy thing sounded like a trip. Cayden was happy as hell though, and i was happy for him. I was pretty excited to be an uncle too.

"Man she be having you be her servant and shit huh?"

"You have no idea," he mumbled.

"Lucky i like your wife, i'll go."

"Good looking out," he said. "And yo, don't be having no smart mouth, she be all emotional and stuff cause of the baby."

"Ill be good," i promised with a smirk.

"Cool. I gotta go, catch you later."

"Bet," i said, then hung up. Well there went my plans to go home and crash.

It was around 9pm when i got all the stuff and pulled up to the house. I rang the doorbell and waited for a minute. She opened the door after a minute.

"Ty?" she said, surprised.

"Hey nugget," i smiled, walking in past her. She closed the door and followed as i walked to the kitchen. "Are you home alone? What happened to your friends?"

"I sent them home," she said with a shrug. "I was getting annoyed of having people fussing over me."

"Thats fair," i said, putting the bag from the store down. "Well your nigga sent me, made me get you shit too."

She opened the bag and pulled out the ice cream, crackers and some other stuff id gotten. She smiled which then quickly faded.

"What?" i said.

"Nothing," she said, all teary eyed and lip quivering. Well fuck. I stood there confused and not sure what to do. Maybe eating will help, i thought. So i went to the drawer and got a spoon. I handed it to her hesitantly. She opened the ice cream and started to eat it. She continued to cry while eating it. Wow Cayden had been right, but i aint even say nothing.

"I saw Cole today," I blurted. That was one thing i knew made her happy. That was her nigga. "He asked about you."

"How is he?" She asked around some ice cream.

"He's good," i nodded, "we went to a basketball game."

"Thats cute."

"It was until he started acting weird," i mumbled. She wiped her tears and sat down on the stool.

"What happened?" she asked. I barely even knew.

"Well i told some people off in line that were looking at us, then he got all quiet. But i don't know why he'd be mad that i stuck up for us," i shrugged.

"Did you ask him?" she said, passing me a spoon. I dug my spoon in and started eating too.

"Nah. I was lowkey mad that he was being pissy after i drove all the way there to see the nigga. He be confusing me. Dating girls was easier," i sucked my teeth. Randi laughed. I grinned, it was way better to see her laughing than crying.

"If its hard that means its the real thing. Just let him know you love him and move on," she suggested. My brows came together.

"We don't really be doing all that," i said simply.

"You clearly love him Ty. Why can't you say that?" She asked. I shrugged.

"Men," she rolled her eyes.

We ate more food for a while until it got really late.

"You should go to bed, doesn't the baby need sleep or something?" i asked seriously. She died laughing.

"I am tired though, ill probably go up," she looked at her phone for the time. "You can stay if you want."

"Thanks but i gotta head home, i gotta go do something later tonight," i said, getting up and stretching. She walked me over towards the door. "Hit me up if you need anything."

"I will," she said, leaning up to kiss me on the cheek. "Be careful tonight," she said, giving me a mom look. I nodded and stepped out. I got int my car and finally went to my house.

Randi

The next morning i woke up early to go to the florist. I wanted a nice bouquet because i was going to see Dr. Williams for a little bit in the hospital. My mom was coming along because they were friends, i was glad to have the company.

"Those are really nice," i said to a bouquet she was holding.

"I think so to. Lets get a toy or something for the baby," she suggested. I walked over the where there were cards and stuffed animals. There was a really cute giraffe staring at me, and i picked it up. It had these huge eyes and was so soft.

"You used to have a giraffe, one of your first toys, that thing was so dirty but you loved it," My mom said from behind me. I smiled. I could imagine me as a baby playing with this little guy.

"I like this one," i said.

"Ok, we can do the flowers and that," she said. I shook my head.

"Its not for her," I said. "Im getting it for myself."

"Ok," she said confused, but picked up another toy. "ill go pay."

I smiled and went to go pay for the giraffe. This was the first thing id ever buy for my baby, i hoped he or she would like it.

"Thank you for coming by Randi," Dr. Williams smiled big. She was holding a little pink bundle in her arms.

"Of course. Im so happy for you. She's beautiful," i said.

"You'll be holding your own soon. Want to practice?" She asked, moving the bundle towards me. I was nervous for some reason. Not like i hadn't held babies before, but id never held one while i was several months pregnant myself. I hesitated but she practically shoved the baby into my arms. I held the baby in my arms and looked down at her, heart racing. To my surprise she was alert, eyes fixed on me. God, those eyes. Id never seen such pure love, and innocence, trusting anyone and everyone. For a second i saw a little version of my own eyes looking up at me and my breath caught in my chest. But i blinked and it was gone.

When i got back home i went up to my room to lay down. Cayden face timed me shortly after and he asked me what id done all day. I told him id gone shopping and saw Dr. Williams.

"I got something today, for the baby," i said, blushing. He smirked.

"Lets see it," he said. I lifted up the giraffe to the screen.

"His name is George," i said. He chuckled and i giggled.

"I love it," he said. I paused for a moment.

"She let me hold her baby today," i said, looking down at the toy. "She was beautiful Cayden."

"I bet she was," he said.

"Yeah, but for a second...i didnt see her...I saw our baby," i whispered. I was surprised he even heard me. He cheesed and i laughed a little. I probably sounded insane.

"What did he or she look like?" he asked.

"It was a boy," i said, pausing to think back to the moment "really small, but fat cheeks, curly hair like yours," i smiled, getting a little emotional. It was joy though, not sadness. "your mouth, but the eyes, where like looking at myself."

"Damn, he sound like a good looking nigga," Cay said. I nodded.

"He was," i murmured, running a hand over my belly. "I cant wait to meet him."

"I know, me too," he said.

We talked a little bit more then said i love you and goodbye. I wished he was here to hug me right now, but he wasn't, so i got into bed with the little giraffe and put it on his side of the bed.

"There," i smirked. I turned the light off and went to sleep.