#doom guy if he actually hurt the other person he'd probably help them up and see if they're okay. and while he might not admit it

[archivist-the-knight]

love looking at the "who would win in a fight" memes and going "they'd all be friends and have tea NEXT"

[bykalopsia]

ryuki eps 42-50 notes & final impressions

(note that i probably am not getting around to any of the supplementary content any time soon bc 1) there are so many 2) i'm iffy on alternate endings in the first place 3) the ones that aren't that are crossovers so i'm not watching them until i get there [which won't be for months even if i keep the pace i've been going at & 4) i'm a little burnt out on ryuki and am excited to start faiz])

the way sano just hops around while his final vent goes off and all the antelopes(?) charge is so cute

sano overall is just great. love it when a guy has no principles whatsoever.

love ren, kitaoka, and asakura taking the serendipitous occurrence of them all meeting in room 401 after tojo and the professor had moved out to sit down and go "we hate you you're stupid go kill yourself give us 5,000 dollars" to shinji. he is very stupid though god bless him

one thing i find very funny is that despite asakura being asakura he's actually pretty courteous about the game. like he very well could be (and probably would fare better if he was?) attacking people outside of the mirror world but he just shows up and acts off-putting and strange until they transform. (like he actually reads sano's business card even though he interrupted his tojo-ran-away temper tantrum?) i guess this is why he's shiro's little attack dog he's just really about being a Proper Rider.

also i'm really bad at looking at significant injuries so when tojo jumped into like that water runoff ditch (?) and it looked like something happened to his arm i got so nauseous lol. i don't think he actually got hurt bc it doesn't seem he's injured in his following scenes but still ;;;;;;;

also tojo is so Interesting to me!!!!!!!!!! (this is the millionth time i've said this) i wish i knew where in the metamorphosis he was at so i could possibly make connections. the strength of his heroic ideal and how he's carving parts of his life out (literally, by killing people lol) in order to fit in that very twisted definition yet still failing (both because it is something that is forced on his part And for the unlucky fact that other riders are just stronger than him)

ep 44 don't fucking talk to me. literally the second tojo went "you're the first person to be nice to me since the professor" my fucking stomach dropped (tbh i should have known since sano brought tojo to his apartment in the first place but w/e) that he'd fucking kill him but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

pain and fucking suffering why are all my favorites DOOMED it's literally a curse.

idk if i were tojo i'd start beating asakura with hammers that's just me though (maybe everyone's just courteous about only fighting in the mirror world bc it's a kids show.... hmm much to think about)

"i have to be the one who killed sano" please fucking hit me with a truck it'd be less painful. tojo there is something so wrong with you you are literally the best <3

also after kitaoka told him there was no way he could ever be a hero he did like a 1:1 gills scream motion which is really funny bc they don't share a suit actor

ren clocking shinji with the "has your indecision ever helped a single person" GET HIS ASS!!!!!!! but also STOP IT!!!!! bc while i really don't see a point where pacifism is successfully getting anyone out of anywhere rn (atp in ep 46 at least) it makes me feel so bad about tezuka i'm going to hurl

the way tojo died was lame though L. thematically necessary but lame. (i'm just bitter bc i wanted him to also start hallucinating sano i'm sorry my goggles are on... also i just wanted him to spiral more the car bomb was a great step i wanted it to keep happening.... i get that asakura gets to stay around bc he's shiro's little meow meow but who says we couldn't have had two maniacs until the end [logical reasoning does. who said that])

i've realized in my notes/lb i haven't talked about kitaoka's illness a bunch (because thinking about it makes me So Miserable) but seriously if they had stayed in the scene after ren tells kitaoka he's disqualified it would have been my breaking point for Ryuki Crying (i'm surprised i've lasted this long but tbh ryuki to me inspires an intense hollowness in one's gut that leaves you sitting kind of hunched over staring slack-jawed at your screen like you just got punched rather than like bawling my eyes out) but no we have to immediately cut to asakura fighting the weird blue artificial monsters i don't necessarily understand the significance of? i get that there's generally some obligation for there to be monster fighting in each episode but most of the time i feel like it's such a time waster......

^this is maybe my largest criticism of ryuki? that there's So Much that it very often doesn't sit with itself bc it doesn't have the time to. and i LOVE to sit with a scene so it's just unfortunate. give me time to think!!!

episode 49 should i kms yes/no?

shiro and yui. it's so over. it's so over. it's so over. the way his voice changed as he begged her not to disappear it's so over.

before Everything Started happening i said and i quote "it'd be slay if they let ren win lmao" to make myself laugh bc i had just been released from the Doomed Siblings Pain and Horror Vortex. and then the police started preparing to assassinate asakura and i went pause. and then kitaoka is still slowly dying (i literally can't talk about it pleaseeeeeee just let it happen so this can stop torturing me PLEASEEEEEE) AND THEN SHINJI DIED. SO.

i don't even want to think about anything anymore. i need to excise this show from my brain so i can be normal i can't do this

okay. i fucking bawled all throughout the back half of 50. YOU GOT MEEEEE YOU FINALLY BROKE ME!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS

i literally can't talk about it bc if i start crying again i think i'm literally going to puke i was heaving

um. anyways. good show. i need to go lay down. maybe forever?

[cha-melodius]

Napollya writer AU or writer critiques AU

Mmm, rival authors AU sounds like an awesome idea. OR, going off the writer critique option, one of them is an author, and one of them is a literary critic. Napoleon is a best-selling author on a hot streak, his books are both popular and (usually) critical darlings. There's this one critic, though, who's the bane of Napoleon's existence: Illya Kuryakin. He always rips Napoleon's latest books apart, calling them shallow, lacking substance, and poorly-written. Napoleon tells himself that Illya's just one asshole, it doesn't matter, but it still burns him. What does this guy have against him? Why is he so determined to eviscerate his books? At one point during an interview he's asked about it, and, even though he knows he shouldn't take the bait, he calls Illya a talentless bottom-feeder who can't write and has to take out his inadequacy on real writers.

This, predictably, does not go over well. Now they have a true feud, which comes to a head when Napoleon releases his next book. See, this book is a bit of a departure for him. It's more personal, drawing on his own past, and is quickly heralded as his greatest work. Illya is, surprisingly, silent. Napoleon keeps waiting on his review and it never comes. He doesn't know what to make of it, but it's driving him crazy. Illya reviews other books, so he's still active, but he ignores Napoleon.

(Yeah, this grew a whole plot. More below the cut.)

Ok, here's where the twist comes in. Illya obviously knows what Napoleon looks like, but Napoleon has no clue what Illya looks like. One day he's at a coffee shop and sees a stunningly attractive man reading his book, so what does he do? He flirts. Of course, said attractive man is Illya, who is so flabbergasted by being approached that he completely, like, blue screens. You see, he actually loves Napoleon's latest novel. He's read it a bunch of times already. The copy he's currently reading is beat to hell and full of little flags even though it hasn't been out for that long. But he's got this really public feud with Napoleon that it feels like he can't back down from, not to mention that writing about what he feels about this book feels way too personal, which is why he hasn't done a review of it. And now here's the man himself, clearly flirting with him, and it's a bit too much to handle.

Illya manages to get out of this first interaction, but Napoleon keeps coming back to the coffee shop. Logically Illya should just... not go, but it's his favorite shop, and he doesn't want to let Napoleon chase him away. He tries to be stand-offish, but Napoleon is pretty persistent, and despite himself, Illya is charmed. Obviously he can't tell Napoleon who he really is, because he has little doubt about how that would turn out. They talk about Napoleon's books, and Illya doesn't shy away from saying he didn't care for the earlier ones, but talking to Napoleon actually makes him go back and reread them with a new outlook. And he hates to realize it, but he does enjoy them. It probably doesn't help that he's definitely falling in love with Napoleon. He can't, though, Napoleon hates him, if he knew who Illya really was he'd be disgusted. Not to mention how Illya's been lying to him this whole time about who he is (by omission... he hasn't ever flat out lied to Napoleon, he's just been evasive when asked what he does for a living), and Illya knows this is doomed but he's going to enjoy it while it lasts.

Clearly this is gonna end in lots of angst when it all blows up. Napoleon is so hurt and he lashes out, and it's really rough (identity porn reveals always are...). Illya pretty much accepts it because he feels so guilty about the whole thing, and they part. But Napoleon misses him so much, and he can't square the man he fell in love with, who he knows, with the critic who has a vendetta against him. They're both miserable, but then, one day, Illya finally publishes an honest review of Napoleon's latest book. Napoleon initially can't bring himself read it, but eventually Gaby (his editor and best friend) makes him. And it's probably the most beautiful words anyone has ever written about his work, and Napoleon breaks down. He realizes it was all real, that Illya loves him too. He seeks out Illya and they get back together, and they're so in loooooove. 😭

WELL, this turned out to be detailed lmao. Thanks for the prompt, anon, it was fun to dream up this AU!

[ahsana]

Rehab ~ Dean Winchester

Chapter 1 - The Party

Summary: Gwendolyn Anderson is in her early twenties. For most people that age, they're in college or just starting to find their way. For her, she lost the person closest to her in the universe and she has to find a way to pick up the pieces because everything as she knows it as about to change. After a few events that are less than coincidental, the only thing that seems to make sense anymore is a man with green eyes and a twelve step program.

Pairing: AU!Gabriel Novak x OC!Gwen, AU!Dean Winchester x OC!Gwen & possible other variations. Stay tuned to find out ;)

Word Count: 2038

Chapter Warning: Just like every other chapter in this book so far, there will be detailed drug use, mentions of drugs, paraphernalia, mentions of death and other very sensitive topics. If this could trigger you or set you off in any way possible, I urge you not to read it. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, please reach out and get help. You are not alone. Always keep fighting.

Even when things were okay, I still never feared death. I've been on the edge many times; never quite falling off, but never quite holding on either.

A lot of people say overdosing was their rock bottom. It wasn't for me. Heroin is a strong word, and sometimes it even shocks me when I say it. Weird, right?

In health class as a teenager, I saw the pictures of drug addicted people and made a pact with myself in my head that I'd never become one of those people and here I am. I guess I should explain how I got here, though.

« FLASHBACK »

Why did I snort that line? My nose burns, my brain hurts, and my whole body feels like it's buzzing. I'm not exactly sure where the cocaine came from or why exactly I did it but I know that I have to get out of here and fast.

Parties aren't usually my scene, but I figured since it was my last day as a teenager I might as well indulge. My surroundings aren't familiar, just some college frat party that I knew of because I attend school here, but other than that I really have no idea where I am or how I got here.

I'm searching for the exit, pushing past sweaty bodies and other young adults who reek of alcohol and marijuana. I gave up hope halfway through the search because it feels almost as if though it's impossible, so when my eyes land on the staircase in front of me I sigh gratefully.

The door at the end of the hallway is propped open slightly; a large rock wedged between so it couldn't close. The loud music was causing my ears to ring so I walked as quickly as I could and became elated when I realized the door at the end of the hallway leading to outside, giving me a chance to get some fresh air.

I push the door open and realize it's heavier than I first assumed, so I try and let it close behind me gently so it doesn't knock rock out of place. I inhale deeply and look around, only to be met with the fact that I'm on the roof somehow.

"Wow," I mutter, and make my way towards the edge of the building; my shoes making the gravel of the rooftop crunch along the way. I peered over the ledge, and for a second considered flying.

Worse case scenario, I land flat on the pavement, ultimately dying in the process or I make it to the rooftop across the way. I step onto the ledge, squat and then sit; dangling my legs over the side of the building.

My heart is pounding a hundred miles a minute, and all of a sudden tears start streaming down my face.

"I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend," I gasp out of shock because I didn't realize that I wasn't alone up here—and also because a random man is singing to me. I turn my head to face the mystery man and am pleasantly surprised. "You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in," He continues, and I recognize the song and join in with him.

“And if you do not want to see me again, I would understaaaand. I would understaaand," We both sing in unison, and the stranger lets out a fit of giggles which makes me laugh in return.

"So Miss, how are you on this lovely night?" He questions.

"You aren't even going to ask me my name?" I inquire with a grin.

"Nope, don't need to." I nod in response, pretending to understand why.

“I'm doing well, by the way." I add.

"That's amazing.. or.. would be, if you were telling the truth." I cock my brow up, and he quickly adds, "I mean you wouldn't be sitting on the ledge for nothing, right?"

I shake my head in disagreement. "That's where you've got it wrong, sir."

"Sir? Do I really look that old?" He jokes.

"No, but I'm not sure what to call you since we don't need to know each other's names." The stranger sits beside me and lets his legs dangle over the building as well. I take a closer look at his features that are illuminated by the street lights below and I am captivated.

The ridge of his nose, the length of his lashes and his eyes—Wow, his eyes. It's dark, but I can tell that they're brown with a swirl of honey and it reminds me of a Hershey's bar.

"So, did you find what you were looking for?" He asks, and I shake my head no for the second time. "Well then what are you doing?" I shrug. "You're not very talkative, are you?" He asks, seeming genuinely curious.

"I am, but I'm not sure what to say. I'm at a party, drunk and high off coke, sitting with a stranger on the edge of the roof; trying to come up with something I could tell you but I'm at a loss for words here." The man gives me a goofy grin in return.

"Well. We'll probably never see each other again, so why don't you tell me your biggest secret?" I laugh out loud.

"Sir, I've known you for mere minutes and you want me to do something like that? Strange." I mumble in awe.

"I'm not from around here, so I couldn't possibly hold it against you in any way."

"Why did you come here then?" I ask.

"Free booze."

"Interesting. Here—I'll make you a deal. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours." I whisper cheekily to him and he nods his head, agreeing.

"Sure. Okay. Let's start," he thinks for a moment, "My guilty pleasure is Lazy Town, the kids show."

"Ha! That's an awful secret, shame on you!" I reply but laughing while doing so.

"Fine, fine. Um, when I was seventeen I slept with my best mate's girlfriend. He still doesn't know." He whispers guiltily.

"Wow, that's pretty deep. Are they still together?" He nods.

"Been together for eight years, married for three—with two kids."

I chuckle, "How do you know you aren't the baby daddy?"

"Timeline doesn't add up—trust me, I did the calculations as soon as she told everyone she was pregnant the summer after we graduated high school," He trailed off but then turned his head towards me, "Your turn."

I gulp, and try and think of something.

"Um... Well, I might as well go all out then. My parents are both government officials. Amelia and Doug Anderson?" I throw the names out to see if he recognizes them.

"Holy shit," He marvels. "You're Gwendolyn Anderson. I should have recognized you as soon as I seen you! You and your parents are all over TV." I sigh.

"Yeah. But call me Gwen, I hate it when people call me Gwendolyn. Anyways—That's not exactly my secret." I look towards him and he motions for me to continue.

"I don't know why I'm telling you this but.. here we go. My entire life, I've felt like the weight of the world has been on my shoulders. Ever since I was a kid my parents have been pushing me to be the best in every category there has been or ever will be. My senior year of high school was the worst, obviously because of the impending doom of getting into the best college and working on getting scholarship offers; meanwhile keeping all A's, playing volleyball and volunteering."

I continued, glancing back now and then to see if he was still paying attention and he was alert the entire time. "It got to the point where.. I needed some extra help. Adderall was basically my scapegoat and how I functioned for the entire year. My parents were so busy being wrapped up in their own lives and pushing me to my limit that they never discovered I lost myself along the way. Now I'm in college, and I'm still trying to find my way back to a happy medium. But when I looked down at the ground, I realized that for some reason it doesn't even matter anymore."

"And what do you mean by that?"

"Have you ever gotten to the point where you feel like you're just numb? Everything is grey scale and there's no color at all? I'm just going through the motions. There's no highs or lows; only this weird middle ground. I thought coming to this party tonight and getting trashed would make me feel better but it didn't change anything." He nods, knowingly. I can tell he understands. He rests his left hand on top of my right one and somehow it felt like my body couldn't get any hotter.

I should be scared, uncomfortable even. I just met this guy and don't even know his name but I'm letting him touch me like we've been friends all our lives. A sudden thought makes me speak up.

"You know, it's not really fair that you get to know my name and I don't know yours." He chuckles.

“It's Gabriel." I smile because it's very fitting. He looks like a Gabriel.

"That's a beautiful name."

He laughs, "Beautiful? More like average. Your name is beautiful."

"I wholeheartedly disagree. I have a grandma name, at least yours fits your age no matter how old you are." He smiles. We sit in silence, his hand still resting on top of mine and I take another look down at the ground.

"How long do you think it would take to reach the ground?" I ask as if he'd actually know the answer.

"For a suicidal person? Too long. For a person just looking for some answers, too fast."

“How do you know which is which?" Gabriel lets out a grunt and laughs.

"Well, do you want to die?" He asks, raising his voice but continues smiling; which is oddly contagious.

"I don't think I'd ever do anything to speed up the process, so ultimately no. Probably not."

"I guess there's an answer then." Gabriel replies.

"An answer?"

"Yeah, the one of many you're looking for. I won't have them all, though."

"B-But I thought you were an all-knowing wizard!" I gasp out sarcastically.

"No, no. But... I maybe might have one.. just for now,"

I raise my eyebrow again and ask, "What might that be?" Gabriel reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny baggie with pills inside of it.

"You might like these," he whispers gently.

"Ah, man. I don't know--"

“I'm sure drugs weren't the first thing you thought of, but maybe they'll help you forget until tomorrow." I sigh and stick my hand out apprehensively.

"What are they?" I question.

"Percocet. Strongest prescription." I nod, remember hearing some of my peers talking about it previously this week. I swallow two of them without a second thought.

« FLASHBACK OVER »

I look down at the person who brought me into this mess, and his face is quickly turning a light shade of blue.

"Gabe, God, You fucking idiot! I told you not to do that much!" I shout and dial 911 as quickly as possible.

The next thing I know, I'm sitting on the front porch steps of his apartment as they're carrying him away on a stretcher. My best friend is dead, and I can officially say I'm terrified.

[icharchivist]

The only past Lavi's been able to really react to is Lenalee's so that's really the only evidence to form our ideas from on how he'd react. Kanda's past probably won't ever be really revealed to him. At least not on screen maybe. Him hearing about Allen's is interesting because there's still a lot we don't know about Allen. Lavi's also the observer so it's a little strange if he never learns anything in greater detail about Allen. Allen is not only the main character but he's the bookman's-

2 main priority. In Bookman's own words, Allen is the history the bookman must record. So yeah, again it'd be a little strange if Lenalee was the only significant character Lavi got a front row seat to record the most of (past and important moments like her crystal Innocence). Either way I could definitely see Lavi once again wondering how the heck Allen was capable of surviving so much suffering and still being as kind as he is.

Yeah exactly and the thing too is that Lenalee’s past was revealed to him both while he was in front of her abuser, AND while knowing he couldn’t do anything to said abuser because it was also his supperior. So there’s also a tight line there bc Lavi got very very cold and defiant toward Lveille and refused to leave Lenalee alone with him, and you could see it affected him, but he couldn’t exactly let show most of his anger and frustration, not to mention they didn’t exactly have the time to dweel on it with the attack going on and Lenalee brushing it off to run toward the innocence.

So even there it is tricky to me bc we’re missing pieces of how Lavi would react, from the absence of “obligations to not make waves” and absence of “people to lash out onto” (like he could lash onto Tyki for exemple).

I doubt Kanda’s past will ever be revealed too him yeah, it’s not like those two are in the best terms and Kanda had made clear that what happened between Alma and him are between them only when it comes to details, and Allen just... can’t avoid how much he had come to learn already.

Like I said previously i’m almost certain that Lavi would help more explore Past!Allen so those would be the mysteries that are plot important that he would come to learn. 

He does have a begining of understanding some of Allen’s past due to the Cross’s conversation he was forced to witness but it wasn’t nearly as detailled nor explicit (since in the end it was more about the betrayal of Allen’s father figure than about the abuse he had endured before him), and yet we already had a very cold Lavi watching the scene.

So... I don’t know because the way to bring up the topic with Lavi would be very very... weird. I don’t think Allen would genuinely think of Lavi first in a “would be a great listener’ category, even while knowing his Bookman’s duty and it would need some massive reasons for Allen to open up about it to him.  Unless Lavi learns about it in a completely different ways or if the post-torture will influence their dynamic a lot. Even if Lavi would be willing to reccord more of Allen’s past, both as a Bookman, and as a friend (whenever he’s ready to admit this is one of his concerns or not).

Lavi already.... figured a lot of Allen’s unsaid darkness, and had been baffled by the way Allen is trying this hard to never give up and the way he keeps smiling. those are qualities Lavi admires, and that’s the point of the Dazzling Light scene (i could ramble about it for hours bc while Lavi’s monologue itself is touching the whole scene that provoked it is one of my favorite scene of the manga due to how Allen’s philosophy shows up). Because Lavi cannot forget the darkness he had seen Allen overcome, whenever those that were hinted at like how personal he took Krory’s suicide attempt when he walked him through it, or the most tangible facts like the way Tyki tormanted Allen before killing him and how Allen reacted to it both during Tyki’s attack and when Allen came back. 

And he sees beauty in the way Allen does overcome it, he sees it as a shining light, but he is pessimist enough to worry about what darkness had made them appear. and I believe that the fear of losing Allen to the Light is also a sort of “his kindness will be his doom but it is too important to look away”. And for Lavi I think Allen shines so bright because he cannot forget those darkness. It’s not like Lavi can forget anything. (except stuff linked to his innocence apparently but i’m not going to roast him on the public place today. For now.)

Lavi is already beyond baffled by the kindness Allen can show. From the dots he could connect. Allen had already exceeded any expectations Lavi could ever get.

So knowing how further those darkness extends... I am genuinely curious of how Lavi would react. If he values already that light as unmeasurable coming from the few darkness he nows about, what about all the rest? 

It could also be a lesson for Lavi. Lavi had hated humanity for the wars with “purpose” he had seen all those years, but Allen had seen the worst of human’s cruelty and had deliberately decided to be kind, even if it took him some specific events to get there. But Lavi had already learnt a lesson about how just saying “human sucks” to not be emotionally invested in people he would care about is just stupid and neglecting how much this kindness can change people. But taking his “humanity sucks” on the stance of “those humans had been particularly terrible and against all odds Allen went against all of it” would be a whole other lesson alltogether. 

I also think it would have Lavi put in perspective why Allen called onto Mana. The problem was after all that Lavi recently had a friend,a  finder, turn into an Akuma, and he projected hard on Allen. Except that Dug is someone who should have known better, knowing how the Akuma were done, while Allen was just a child calling for his adoptive father. And Lavi at least had a shock seeing the Akuma’s souls making him put a lot of everything in question  and he doesn’t seem to project anymore, but i don’t think, aside from the Cross conversation, that Lavi had to really proceed how much therefore this tiny Allen was so desperate to call onto Mana. Knowing how much Mana was a real ray of light in this nightmare would probably have him reconsider that as well.

But all of those reconsideration are Second Thoughts. Are things when Lavi will have processed the information. Just like the Light scene comes from him processing all that had happened this far. But what about a Raw Emotional Lavi learning the information? The guy who showed coldness and defiance toward Lveille, the guy who broke furnitures unable to express his grief, the man who lashed onto a Noah and requested to take him alone in a fight because of how furious he was of how this person hurt Allen. 

I think that’s why also i’m more curious about Lavi because I can expect Lenalee or Kanda to be true to their first feelings a lot. Even if the feeling is negative they take steps forward from their first feelings and it evolves naturally. But Lavi never had to take that first step unless forced to and his reactions had been a major mess and god knows if he even actually proceed those info willingly at this point.

Idk i’m just rambling, as always with Lavi, but that’s what makes me all the more curious about how he would take in Allen’s backstory. I really wish i could know.