#its always more interesting to see how a character reacts to genuine kindness than aggression.

[archivist-the-knight]

love looking at the "who would win in a fight" memes and going "they'd all be friends and have tea NEXT"

[rpbetter]

PTSD or C-PTSD?

Hopefully, you’re not one of the muns out there who has slapped a “PTSD” label on your muse(s) for drama only. You are, instead, treating this topic with respect and the realism that comes with that, not only having it accurately impact your muse when it’s convenient and “fun” for you. Well, that respect and realism includes actually knowing and applying the correct diagnosis and symptoms as well.

In your defense, if you have misdiagnosed your muse, common terminology in media and even among trauma sufferers is often just the blanket-statement of PTSD. Also, as the abbreviations imply, they do have things in common. 

To help, I’m going to break down their differences and similarities, then provide some research links including personal accounts to help you get started.

PTSD

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder most often comes from a single traumatic event.

What can be a traumatic event can differ widely, and reasonably so; we’re not all the same person, processing events and emotions the same way, or with the same formative life experiences. What might cause PTSD to develop in one person might be processed by another as a frightening or painful incident, but not one that has left them with PTSD. The symptoms, individual, and incident have to all be taken into account.

That being said, some examples would include:

having a severe accident

being mugged or in a store that is robbed

physical or sexual assault

being involved in a shooting, in any way

death of a loved one

an unexpected explosion or sudden, natural event like a mudslide or tornado

a severe natural or man-made disaster (building collapse, mass flooding)

events outside of oneself like witnessing a violent assault, murder, deadly car accidents, terminal illness or injury

Again, it is important to remember that individuals react in individual ways, and as such, their symptoms can express with some variation. Don’t just mimic the same presentations you’ve seen in media, research a variety of real experiences.

However they manifest, key symptoms of PTSD include:

Re experiencing the event by way of nightmares, flashbacks, and repetitive, intrusive, and intensely upsetting images, thoughts, and sensations. This is the most common symptom of PTSD, in which the person involuntarily and vividly relives the trauma.

Avoidance and emotional numbing, going to extremes to avoid not just potential triggers, but also finding any way possible to push memories of the event out of their minds. When the latter occurs and is extreme, the person is trying to feel nothing at all, seeking a path to emotional numbness. That can include substance use and abuse, self-harming, and other harmful behaviors.

Feeling on edge (”Hyperarousal”) is the ultimate inability to relax, constantly looking for threats, perceiving threats that are not to be found, and being easily startled. Some of the common issues with being locked into this state include difficulty sleeping or even insomnia, severe irritability and irrational seeming aggression, angry or aggressive outbursts, and finding concentration difficult to impossible.

Some other things that might develop with PTSD are:

Other mental health concerns like anxiety, depression, and/or phobias

as said above, harmful behaviors like self-harming and substance abuse

physical symptoms like headaches, stomach and digestive upsets, dizziness, and generalized pain

Like all disorders, PTSD is complex. I, again, implore you to research not only information put out by psychiatric professionals but also the experiences of real people.

C-PTSD

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder occurs when a person experiences repeated, consistent trauma, especially at an early age.

That doesn’t mean that adults cannot and do not develop C-PTSD, they do, and for a variety of reasons; adult sufferers have the same points of origin in the diagnosis as children do. Additionally, it may take years for someone to seek help, feel their symptoms are severe enough to need to, or be able to extricate themselves from the situation in order to receive help of any kind. They may be an adult by the time this happens.

The important thing to remember about C-PTSD is that it isn’t a single traumatic incident, and you are more likely to have this form of PTSD if the trauma occurred early in life, it was inflicted by someone close to you, and/or was inflicted by someone you still see on a regular basis.

Some good examples to give you the idea include:

ongoing domestic violence

child abuse and/or neglect

being raised by a parent with a severe disorder like Narcissistic Personality Disorder

repeatedly witnessing violence or abuse

torture

kidnapping

being a part of a cult

being a victim of human trafficking or slavery

It isn’t “complex” because it is always across the board “more severe.” This isn’t simply “even worse PTSD,” and shouldn’t be treated like that. Its source is more complex, the development and embedded varieties of its impact are, and the ongoing treatment is.

Particularly when C-PTSD occurs in childhood, there are lasting effects on a person’s development. They have developed in an environment that constantly has them highly stressed both physically and psychologically, and in which they learn many ways of coping, lessening or negating harm, and so on, that leave them less than optimally functional and integrated in life outside the situation.

While the person has the symptoms of PTSD, they will additionally exhibit:

difficulty developing and/or maintaining relationships of any sort

intense, consistent feelings of worthlessness, shame, and guilt

problems managing and even understanding their own emotions

suicidal thoughts

dissociation

increased risk-taking behaviors

Those who have had their actual development rerouted to deal with the situations that generate C-PTSD have a higher incidence of physical symptoms, suicide, self-harm, substance abuse, and are at higher risk of repeat victimization.

They might go for some time without realizing that their daily experiences are neither the norm nor something sustainable, or how atypical their traumatic experiences were compared to those around them. It can sometimes take a serious life-event (suicide attempt, drug rehab, losing too many jobs, homelessness, or finding themselves in a genuine, loving relationship) for them to fully recognize something is wrong, and even then, their feelings of worthlessness, ingrained lack of self-confidence, and belief that they don’t deserve any better can prevent them from seeking help outside of themselves.

They may also believe that something is just “wrong” with them, that they are innately messed up, or that they have a different mental illness. And the unwillingness to open up to people, relieve events, etc. can additionally leave them unwilling to seek or continue care when they believe they have a different, underlying problem. Again, choosing to deal with this themselves through self-isolating, self-medicating, and seeking only relationships and jobs that will work within the framework of the disorder as it effects them.

Additionally, many sufferers of both C-PTSD and PTSD experience the same sense of societal shaming surrounding mental illness. They may struggle with denial, and refuse to seek assistance due to the stigma and all it entails.

Shared aspects of PTSD and C-PTSD

They’re both, obviously, severe, life-altering trauma experiences and resultant disorders. They both easily make the sufferer feel like the trauma and disorder is impossible or undesirable for others to deal with, that they are not worthy of being in close relationships, among many other similarities in experience living with either disorder regardless of widely varying traumas.

They share psychological and physical impacts, and there is a lot of overlap.

The core symptoms of PTSD are shared with C-PTSD:

relieving the trauma(s)

avoiding and emotional numbing

hyperarousal

The shared physical symptoms can include:

headaches

nausea, stomach ache, and digestive upsets

difficulty sleeping and insomnia

sweating, clamminess

chest pain and difficulty breathing

manifestations of low-grade to severe pain

dizziness

Shared behaviors can include:

difficulty concentrating to outright dissociating

self-harm

substance abuse

being hyper-vigilant, easily startled

may seem to be over-reactive to/in situations that others are perceiving as normal or not that big of a deal due to lower perception of personal emotions and lower emotional regulation

including explosive anger or defensiveness

development of anxiety and depression disorders, the symptoms thereof

Again, both PTSD and C-PTSD are serious disorders caused by trauma, and they both need to be treated with respect and accuracy when written into a character - be that an OC or a canon character. It is unfortunate, but these symptoms and the realities of life with either disorder are often portrayed badly in wider media, and the RPC often imitates what it sees.

PTSD and C-PTSD, like the incidents of trauma that created them (rape, child abuse, domestic violence, miscarriage, etc.), are not a plot-point, other point of interest, or a character trait, let alone a “character flaw.” They’re not something you only bring up for attention, to get your muse out of a bad spot, or to add dramatics when you’re bored in a thread. Neither are they something you need to attach to your muse simply to give them A Label. These are, I cannot stress this enough, serious topics, and they deserve to be treated that way.

You can do that by defining which variety of PTSD your muse may actually have, then adding research of both the disorder and how it impacts a variety of real people. Making your muse more realistic and being dedicated to sticking with it.

Below are some links to get you started on research! Please note, the real stories, as well as some information, may be graphic or triggering. Read responsibly.

C-PTSD

Out of the Storm - Personal Stories of C-PTSD 

-Contains real stories from those with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Their experiences have a huge range; bullying, childhood neglect and abuse, and sexual abuse and assault.

 I Have Post-Traumatic Stress and Didn’t Know It - and You Might, Too

-Personal story of living, unknowingly, with C-PTSD. An especially great read for writers who have muses who hold a lot of responsibility in their daily lives, who may not realize their experiences are C-PTSD related, etc. Contains discussion of parental emotional abuse, mental illness and childhood trauma, and rape.

What is C-PTSD?

-Excellent resource for detailed breakdowns of C-PTSD giving without a clinical, impersonal tone. The definitions of the disorder itself, symptoms and how it manifests and impacts daily life, and much more. A highly recommended source, and one with further resources on-site.

 11 “Habits” of People Living with C-PTSD

-Short breakdown of C-PTSD, followed by snippets of specific experiences in the words of those living with the disorder, a relatively short article.

PTSD

Rebecca’s Story: Living with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

-Personal story of a woman living with PTSD from, in short, being stalked by a co-worker. It’s an excellent article, particularly for how mental illnesses sufferers are treated and portrayed, and how that adds another layer of difficulty to their lives. Obviously, this may be triggering to those who have been stalked, and includes mentions of graphic threats.

My experience of PTSD

-A personal story of medical trauma resulting in PTSD. Many of the PTSD stories you’ll find are from women and involve sexual trauma or harassment, in trying to find a variety of stories, I’ve found this one. By this point, you should be noticing many similarities in these stories, regardless of specific trauma.

Leaving the Battlefield: Soldier Shares Story of PTSD

-So many muses experience PTSD through battle-related incidents, and those depictions are not always accurate in media. This is a personal story about one soldier’s experiences. His perception of PTSD, denial, and shame at having the disorder is something that echoes throughout the previous accounts. So do the similarities of daily struggles to maintain to regular life. Before anyone wants to get Tumblr Nasty about it: there isn’t any “war propaganda” present in this story, the location of it is irrelevant to what you’re supposed to be learning here. It’s literally this man’s experience, don’t.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder 

-Breakdown of symptoms and causes from Mayo Clinic, so obviously, this is more clinical-minded. Particularly useful for its lists of things like “symptoms of negative changes in thinking and mood” and increased risk-factor for other disorders.

I hope this helps you to assess and write more accurately your muses with C-PTSD or PTSD, and to consider these things more fully when having your muse experience a traumatic event in your plots.

-------

Please, remember when you are reading these accounts, and anywhere you might encounter PTSD sufferers; these are REAL PEOPLE. Treat them and their stories with respect. You’ll note that, unlike other posts on this blog, I didn’t advise you to approach the source. Many trauma sufferers won’t be comfortable sharing their experiences for the sake of your creative hobby. You may, at your respectful discretion, discuss this with close friends you know to be impacted by PTSD, just keep in mind that respect, discretion, and only bringing the topic up when they are comfortable with it, with specific questions, is necessary here. These are not fictional characters! Do not write someone’s real experiences into your character, thread, etc. verbatim, that’s...fucked up. Thanks in advance for being responsible, respectful adults, from a real life PTSD sufferer. -Vespertine

[infernalrevenge]

HCs abt an S/O of Lady D's who's struggling to get her daughters' approval? It's rarely addressed in fanfics, but y'all.. becoming a stepparent is a hard and frustrating journey, especially when mama and kids have such tight bonds. Makes small wins feel so rewarding, tho! What are your thoughts on that? How would D react, how would she help? (or make it harder, in true possessive Mother Hen™ fashion..) Which flybaby would warm up to S/O first? How would S/O try to win each of them over, etc..?

Oooh this is a really cool thought! Not that I have a lot of experience with stepparents but yeah, changes and adjustments in family dynamics like that can't be easy. I think I'm gonna have some fun with this.

When the Dimitrescu sisters found out you were the human dating their mother, at first they were mostly indifferent. Not like it's their business as to who Alcina gets it on with anyway (and they could also be thinking you would quickly turn to lunch if you fuck up badly enough, in which case they would gladly join her in the feast.)

They might quip with you sometimes, but for the most part, you're left alone.

But when they realized you were here to stay and might become a parental figure in their life... oh boy.

You're telling them they have to answer to you now? A mere mortal? On what grounds? Just because you have sex with their mom? They think the fuck not.

Hell, they're individually old enough to be your parent, so truly... what the fuck?

(Part of that fear of you joining the family may come from thinking that Alcina now has someone else to preoccupy herself with, so there's less time for them. Perhaps even less love for them. They can't have that. That can't happen.)

As for your partner's reaction? She's kind of torn. On one hand, she understands how her daughters feel about having a new family member suddenly join the dynamic -- someone they barely know relative to each other. You could have been around for a few years, but they've been all together for more than half a century, and they're doing just fine.

On the other, she wants to see you all getting along. She loves you and wants you to be a part of her life, and of course she also loves her daughters with all her heart.

She's not really sure what to do, so she kind of... ends up not doing anything.

But she is curious as to what you'll do about the situation though, since the sisters would hardly make it a secret that your presence is an annoyance at best, completely unwanted and unwelcome at worst.

Bela, surprisingly, might be the hardest to win over. You would think that, as the eldest, she should be the one to lead by example and be the mature one. Plus, she's always looking for her mother's approval, so approving of you may get her on her good side (and yours.)

But she's very opposed to change, especially one that affects her life this much when it's not her choice.

She lets Cassandra and Daniela get away with pulling harmless pranks on you to get under your skin, or make Alcina mad at you. She pretends to not have a direct hand in them and would passive-aggressively remark on whatever they did.

Oh, your clothes were misplaced and looking for new ones made you late to a date with the Lady? "None of them were very nice anyway. This is doing you a favor."

You found dog poop under your bed and now you reek? "I don't smell that much of a difference."

Getting doused in sticky honey and molasses somehow? "At least Mother has a reason to think you're sweet now."

They would never do anything to hurt you, not unless they want to incur their mother's wrath or sadness, just... little things (hopefully enough to get you to leave.)

But luckily, if you're a patient and persistent person, they (ever so) slowly warm up to you in different ways.

The most important thing to remember is that they're different people despite having a lot of things in common, so your manner of approaching them will have to vary for each sister.

Daniela might be the easiest to win over, such a sociable little fly. She might try to be standoffish at first, but if you bring up a book series that she enjoys reading as a topic for conversation, she can and will keep you there for hours talking about the characters, dissecting certain themes, and explaining her theories of the inner machinations of the plot.

If you actually start reading it upon her recommendation, she becomes ecstatic. Finally, someone other than her sisters she can explain these theories to! And someone who can actually relate and add on to them!

Eventually, she'll come to realize that having you around won't mean the end of their family. It just means they're getting more out of it -- a new member to love, and one who loves them.

Cassandra might be a little territorial about her current interests, so you'll have to take on a different approach.

Maybe try introducing her to something that peripherally matches what she likes now. She seems to really like hunting and torture to take her aggression out on, so uh... maybe try martial arts?

It would be more fun if it was something the both of you were new at, so you could bond over attempting to do things together. Nothing says "I want to get to know my stepdaughter better" like letting her throw you to the mat and laugh in excitement when she gets the technique right.

She is still very stubborn though, so she may take a while to fully convince. Even when it seems like you're on her good side, there's a tiny bit of denial. But she'll come around, no matter how reluctant.

Finally, as for Bela, she just needs to see that, though most of her family now genuinely likes you, that it doesn't have to change a thing about how they feel about her either. They're not going to abandon her or anything that drastic just because someone new has entered their lives.

Seeing her sisters approve of you can be jarring, no matter how long or gradual the process may have been. Like, weren't they switching out your shampoos and putting snakes in your closet last year? Why is everyone buddy buddy now? (Why are they leaving her behind?)

She'll start to act bitter toward everyone, feeling like she's been betrayed and shut herself away. She doesn't even want to see her own mother anymore.

But eventually, you have to talk to Alcina to do something too -- she could see you were making an effort, but she's not making it clear to her daughters what exactly was happening. She should be the first to approach Bela regarding the subject, along with her sisters.

You may need some time alone with her as well to drive the point home too. Having more people in the family doesn't mean less love, but in fact it means more, because now you're there to care for her too.

And she has to admit that seeing her mother care for you, having her sisters like you, it didn't really feel like they were any different towards her. They were more insistent in getting her to spend time with you, sure, but other than that... things were mostly the same.

The acceptance may be begrudging at first, but when she actually gets used to this new norm, she'll come around.

If you want to bond with her, you can teach her something. She likes learning new things, and she'll start to warm up to you more if she has reason to keep going to you to get this new information.

It can be anything -- music, arts, sports, cooking, you name it. Even introducing her to new technology will help get on her good side. You'd be surprised at how quickly she gets into it that you start to wonder why it was so hard to get her to like you in the first place.

Also, just talk to her. As a person, as your new daughter, whatever. Just acknowledge her and be honest. She appreciates the little things.

All in all, it's going to be tough. The journey will have its ups and downs, and not everything is going to be smooth sailing. Communication is key, though, as with any sort of relationship. Let the girls know you care for them just as much as you love and care for their mother. In a way, that's all they really want.

But they're not calling you "mom/dad/parental unit". First name basis with a stepparent (affectionate) all the way.

[cinnamonest]

I feel like I’ve found my kin, I fell in love with Kakashi when I was like 8 LOL. Can I request some general yandere Zoro headcanons btw? I loved/still love him too 😶

Yes you may ahhh!!!! I love Zoro so much. I love writing for fandoms like this bc shounen anime are... Well, shounen, they're aimed at dudes, so they tend to not have as large of a female audience so there's not a lot of content out there. I love Luffy and there's like zero girl-targeted content for him. I swear I've spent so much time looking for wholesome, decent LuNa (my otp im sorry i just hhhh) doujins that aren't super male-oriented, and there's like... 2. For a 900+ episode anime. 2.

I also love the concept of a yandere in a situation where they CAN'T kidnap you, they're limited by their circumstances, so they have to kind of adjust or go insane. It's an interesting dynamic because it eliminates the norm for yanderes.

I think I mentioned this but I'm not 100% caught up with one piece (I mean, who is?), so I'm just keeping it simplistic and going with kinda basic Zoro and nothing with specific character developments or any spoilers other than his backstory

Yandere Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)

Tws: all the usuals -- yandere, noncon, kidnapping

He meets you while he's lost. I'm sorry I just. Zoro gets lost in the middle of some place they're docked, and you're just such a sweetheart, you see this guy clearly not knowing where he's going, and offer to help him. He's kind of taken aback by your softness and sweetness.

He's not easily made aware of his own feelings. He's a rough and tough sort of guy, and he has dedicated himself to swordsmanship so much that he's neglected to focus on himself and his interpersonal relationships, and he's not really self aware at all of his own feelings, very out of touch with his emotions.

Obviously, even if he tries to shove it down, Kuina weighs heavily on his mind in relation to you. He's another man that has known loss and it's dealt its damage on his psyche. He can't lose another person who's dear to him again.

This results in him becoming insanely protective, one of the most protective yans out there. He's easily one led into paranoia delusions regarding your safety. However, he's an honest and reasonable guy and can be level-headed when confronted. If someone (not yourself, as he thinks you're naive, but maybe another girl like Nami or Robin) tells him he's being overprotective and exaggerating about your safety, he may actually have a moment of self-realization and admit to it. He's capable of being reasonable enough to see it once it's pointed out to him. However... this doesn't stop him. He tries, really, he genuinely tells himself that he needs to stop. But his instincts just kind of take over. It's an impulse, to stop you from doing even the most slightly dangerous things.

Once you join the Straw Hat Crew, he just kinda... clings. It's a silent presence, but he's always there, constantly seems to show up wherever you are. Unfortunately, you can't really... get away from him per se. You're kinda limited to one ship, at least as long as you're out on the sea. Your only option for respite is going to your room or bathing, otherwise, he's gonna follow you, even if he's not saying anything and (very badly) trying to feign indifference, pretending you just happen to be going the same way all the time. He doesn't really know what to say, he's not good with these things, and often he's acting without really thinking too much about it. He won't usually strike up a conversation, he just... is there. Watches. May awkwardly ask a question or make a passing comment.

One scenario I imagine is you jokingly picking up one of his swords and wielding it around giggling and he just flips out, takes it from you and yells at you not to do that, are you an idiot? Do you want to trip and fall and have that impale you? Do you realize how easy it would be for you to slice your arm open by accident? It's startling to both you and anyone watching -- even for someone who gets yell-y as easily as him, it seems like an overreaction. He'll apologize but insist it's a safety thing, really.

And he really tries to hide his more... aggressive nature, because he thinks it will drive you away -- he's a blunt, tough guy with a short-fused temper, and he thinks that's definitely not something women like very much. He tries not to yell at you, not get mad so easy, keep his calm better around you, and might even be nicer to others so that you don't think he's mean. And for the most part, he can manage that. Except when it comes to a very specific, very problematic blonde crew member. His little conflicts with Sanji get worse, to even a point that he's snapping at him so frequently that even Sanji himself is a bit bewildered and caught off guard by it. The others notice they fight a lot more often... and Zoro always seems to instigate it, picking quarrels over the littlest things. In reality, he's afraid of the other's... sleazy nature. He can't have you falling for that bastard. He even starts to get jittery when you're in the presence of Franky, Usopp, hell even Luffy of all people. It's noticeable, and everyone kinda worries for him.

He kicks himself for it as soon as he does it, but he finds himself insulting you nonetheless. It's a terrible habit. He gets so awkward and flustered that it's second nature for him to say something snarky or even rude when you talk to him, and he immediately is just mentally screaming at himself for doing so. This will get a bit better with time, though, if you two talk more often.

Now, even if you can fight, you're never gonna really get the opportunity. In battle, he's clinging to you and protecting you at every moment, even if it costs the others some unnecessary wounds. It's highly uncharacteristic of him, and they notice. He won't leave your side, insisting that you're a weak fighter and that he has to take care of you. You just don't get it, you overestimate yourself, you underestimate your enemies, you're a girl. What, Nami and Robin? Well, they've been at this much longer than you, and they had rough upbringings. You're different. You're soft... fragile. You just can't see it. You're lucky he's here to protect your dumbass.

Due to your setup, well, he can't really kidnap you per se. He undoubtedly would if you two were somewhere else, in another life or another setting, but that's not really an option, and even as a yandere, he would never go so far as to kill or abandon his crew. So, he's stuck with just... slowly, slowly mentally deteriorating.

Now, he's not capable of kidnapping, he's not smart enough to really manipulate you into anything (although he WILL tell you that some of the other guys are out to use you), so, he's left to be the guard dog he inevitably becomes to you. If you avoid him, he'll just follow you. If you don't talk to him, that's ok. If you confront him, he'll just insist he has no idea what you're talking about, and you'll start to feel like maybe you're just paranoid. The others... don't really know what to do, to be honest. I can see Nami/Robin potentially confronting him, but in the end, they can't force him to change his behaviors, and they can't afford to lose him. This results in, gradually, everyone slowly kind of accepting your dynamic onboard. They feel bad for you, really, but... in the end, Zoro's just more valuable to the crew. Sorry. They're not gonna get rid of him, but they don't want to get rid of you either.

If you leave? It may just be one of the very very few things that could ever cause him to leave the Strawhats. It would tear him up, really, it goes against his dreams, his pride, his loyalty, but in the end... his loyalty is first and foremost to you. He'll follow you if you leave. It's a bad move on your part, because this gets rid of the only thing standing between you and kidnapping. Which, at that point, surely will happen. Like his other behaviors, he'll feel bad, he'll try and stop himself, tell himself it's wrong, but you'll end up bound in some dark basement nonetheless. He's one to take a very simple approach. Find you alone, sling you up and over his shoulder and carry you off before anyone can come.

Rejection doesn't faze him. No matter what, he'll remain by your side. Even if you never love him in return. It's just his nature, he's a guardian through and through.

In the end, he'll be right there by your side, scaring off any competitors, clinging to you like glue, ever in your presence like a shadow, forever. Whether you want him to or not. He's just an inescapable force, an unmovable object, and you're wasting your time trying to change your fate.

Now, he's very flustered with anything sexual. Highly embarrassed, lots of shame, and doesn't talk much about it. It just kind of happens. He doesn't talk much during, mostly grunts and the occasional fuck when you clamp down, occasionally asking you if you're ok, if it hurts, if it feels good. It's one of the only very soft sides of him. In the end, he really, truly loves you, and doesn't want to hurt you, he wants you to feel good and just love him. It's a very different side to him, one no one else has ever really seen, it's the most vulnerable he himself has ever been with another person.

He feels shame for it, but initially he'll definitely be one to steal your things, sit outside of your room at night, listening to you through the wall, try and get glimpses of you bathing or dressing. He really, really feels guilty, and he's one that will, once you're comfortably restrained and never going anywhere, just sit down and list out every nasty little thing he's ever done regarding you, just to get it off his chest. He understands if you react badly, and he'll apologize, which is a bit ironic considering how much worse kidnapping you is.

He'll apologize for that, too. He's actually one to do so a lot. He's normally a proud guy, but with this? He knows it's wrong, he knows it's fucked up. He knows he can't stop. And he'll be sorry to the moon and back. Just never sorry enough to stop.

He's actually a pretty vanilla guy. Hand-holding missionary type. And, despite being so embarrassed over it all, oddly romantic about it. It's one of the only things he's ever soft and gentle about, it's almost unbelievable to you that he's capable of being so gentle and slow with anything. But he'll kiss your forehead, really take his time with it all, make you cum on his fingers before ever actually fucking you. Hold your hand, look into your eyes. It would be honestly incredibly sweet if it weren't... you know, taking place in some dark sealed off room after dragging you there against your will.

If he's particularly mad, he can get rougher, but he'll apologize after. It's a lot of harsh grabbing, biting, it leaves bruises that he'll rub over softly, whispering an apology, even if a little part of him likes the way it looks on you.

[roll-da-credits]

hiiii, can you please do like bnha boys reacting to their s/o being a indie kid

HC; BNHA Boys (specifically students) Reacting To Their S/o Being An Indie Kid

Characters:

Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki, Todoroki Shoto, Kirishima Eijiro, Denki Kaminari, Tokoyami Fumikage, Tenya Iida, Hitoshi Shinso

A/n: Btw I’m really sorry for being late to this ask ahahaha, I didn’t realize I got a request. Also you didn’t specify scenarios or headcanons so I’m going to write headcanons. The students I didn’t write for are students I don’t feel comfortable writing for, only because I don’t know their personalities very much. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. 

Midoriya Izuku

Deku being very curious about everything would probably ask a lot of questions about your aesthetic, especially the music he likes.

Would 100% try listening to your music playlist, some he might not like too much but he would never outright insult you for it. The ones he likes though are on constant repeat on his playlist.

I think he wouldn’t really pay mind to how you dressed unless it was a really eye catching outfit. But if it wasn’t he’d probably just be super amazed at how confident you are at wearing something different.

Basically he’d be the type of person who’d be amazed to see your aesthetic and love you even more just because of you being bold.

Depending on how ‘out there’ your outfits are he’d be a little bit nervous at the start of your relationship considering how you’d look really fashionable in his eyes.

God I can already imagine him going to your room and asking random questions about all the decor you put around

Bakugou Katsuki

He’d be the type who wouldn’t really care, not in a mean way, but more in a he doesn’t care as long as you’re still you. 

I see Bakugou as this type of guy that doesn’t really pay mind to how someone looks, he just cares about how well they fight or their overall personality.

So, if he falls in love with you, he’d definitely not care about what you want to dress like or what you listen to. In his mind its your life, he doesn’t see any reason to dictate it.

The only time he’d speak out about your aesthetic is if someone outright insults you or questions you too much about it. He’d definitely explode and try to beat the shit out of whoever said it.

With a little bit of coaxing he would listen to some of your music.

At first he’d pretend he doesn’t like it or just pretend like its normal to him.

But then one day you catch him listening to one of your playlists whilst he’s working out, leading to a blushy Bakugou embarrassed at being caught.

Todoroki Shoto

Boi would be confused as hell when he first sees your room, playlist, or what you dress like outside of the uniform.

His family probably taught him about what’s acceptable in public or not, that resulting in him not being very fashion forward and not knowing a lot of fashion genres.

So, when he first sees you in the mall or outside of school, he’s just stunned. He’d be confused and stare at you until you snap him out of it.

I think even before you both got into a relationship he’d ask a lot of odd questions. Ranging from why do you listen to a band if they’re not even together anymore, to something out of the blue like is there a deeper meaning to how you dress or listen to.

Just be patient with his questions, even if it gets a bit personal at the start, he’s just trying to understand you better and that’s his way of showing he actually cares about you.

Like Deku, he’d definitely ask to listen to your songs. Shoto would like a majority of your songs and would listen to them when you guys are apart because it reminds him of you

Kirishima Eijiro

Personal. Hype. Man

He would MOST DEFINITELY hype you up every time you and him would go on dates and you’d wear something in your aesthetic. It doesn’t matter if you’ve wore it before he’d make you into a stammering mess from all his sincere comments.

He would love your room, your room has a completely different aesthetic than his room so he’d love to go to yours when he wants to relax a bit.

Kirishima loves using your music as background noise, whether its when he’s training in his own room or cuddling you to sleep on your bed at night. He’d love it.

A bit like Bakugou, he’d be passive aggressive to whoever tries to insult your style or aesthetic. He’d dispel any kind of insults with more compliments, making the person trying to insult you just confused. 

Imagine, “Your s/o dresses weird.” “They’re so unique right, I love it too.”

The only things you’d hear from this man is sincere ass compliments.

Denki Kaminari

Denki has similar music taste to yours and because of that he gets really excited whenever the both of you listen to your playlist. 

He acts this way with how you dress and you room.

Like Deku, he’s easily amazed whenever you dress up, he admires both youzr bravery and is lowkey jealous at your fashion sense.

Whenever you and Denki are vibing in each other’s room both of you would randomly play music from both your playlists and exchange songs.

Overall, I see him as the person you can relate to the most out of all the BNHA boys in the class because you both have very aesthetics, and added with the fact that he’s always open to try new things, he’d let you style him if you wanted to whenever you guys go on dates.

Tokoyami Fumikage

Tokoyami (tied with Denki tbh) would be the most open to approach you the moment he finds out about you being Indie.

Being someone with a different and unique aesthetic, he wants to get to know more  about your style and wants to listen to your music often as well.

Because of you two being in different but rather connected aesthetics, he would show you some of his songs as well and sometimes you'd find one song that you actually already listen to and both of you would would bond over that band or singer together.

You know those TikTok's where they'd video random incredibly stylish people in the street, I can guarantee both of you would be in one of those videos if you were on dates.

The outfits you both would come up with are just chef's kiss.

Imagine a indie kid x goth bf, now that's a power couple.

Tenya Iida

Contrary to popular belief, this uptight class rep would never try and dictate what you wear.

Just like Bakugou he's a firm believer of if you're not doing anything bad he doesn't see a reason to dictate you.

He would however put in his thoughts and question why you wear such different styles than the norm in Japan.

Iida would apologize immediately if he had offended you but if you take your time and explained that you felt the happiest looking like that he would accept it and support you.

I see him as someone who'd be interested in your music but probably only have a few that he really really likes.

When it comes to your room decor or overall accessories I think he wouldn't care too much, probably compliments on your spunk every now and then.

Hitoshi Shinso

Pls why is this man so confusing to write

Shinso's going to be a little bit short lmao.

Anyways, Shinso would be more interested in your music taste than your style or the way you present yourself.

He would constantly ask for music recommendations and he'd put almost every one of them in his playlist, not only because they reminded him of you, but because he genuinely likes the music you suggest.

He'd show you off to a bunch of people just because he feels extra lucky to get with someone as beautiful and unique as you are.

Obviously indie styles are not common in UA so whenever someone talks behind your back about how weird you looked or tried to insult you in front of your face. You can rest assure that Shinso would ridicule them twice as hard with his quirk.

Afterwards he would give you compliments and positive reinforcements about how you shouldn't care about them.

[mariaiscrafting]

ahhhh ty ty ty <3

ok, so I think that what makes Dream act this way (iykyk) is how dreamwastaken became so big so quickly. and by quick I mean fucking lightning speed.

he didn't have enough time to learn enough about cc etiquette, especially in these three aspects: influence, boundaries and fanbase/stans/whatever you call it. I'll try to explain it:

• Influence: Does he know the influence he has? Like, when he hears that he is the myct with the largest fanbase, does he really process that? I remember he talked about not being able to control all of his fanbase and there's bad apples everywhere -- which is true, and that only like 1% of his fanbase breaks his boundaries (that include sending hate for him, harassing, doxing, etc. yk, basic twitter culture lol) but, honey, with your big ass fanbase, 1% is still a lot of people. As a content creator you *have* to be aware of that.

let's take the hbomb situation. First off, as a streamer, it's you that set the mood of the stream. Even if he was only messing around with his pals, even if they did say to do not send hate to hbomb, dt dunking on him created a toxic environment, which caused his fans being toxic towards hbomb and you know what happens next. Hell, when this happened, I was watching Tapl and he was watching them and he was crying laughing over them screaming bc they were just. so loud and so aggressive that it was kinda ??? Sirs, this is literally a Minecraft Stream lmaooo

my point is, that was not the road that dreamwastaken, 21M fans, should've taken. he don't condone his fans actions but he knows his fans are diehard and will always be on his side, he should be more careful before stating negative opinions, especially if its towards another person.

• Boundaries and Fanbase: He posted a list of his boundaries a while ago, idk if you know or seen it (btw please george copy your bestie for the love of god <3) but I'm not talking about those boundaries, I'm talking about the basic boundaries between cc and viewer. boundaries that, in my opinion, should exist between cc and viewer. I get that Dream is an open person, an oversharing type of open person if I may add, but I think he should take a step back regardless. When I heard that he was taking a time from twitter, I genuinely got so glad, not because he couldn't start any drama then, but because it would do so so good for his mental health. I'm not even that fond of him, it's just that for me, any cc taking a break or outright leaving twitter is a win for me. I know how RSD is hard to deal and honestly letting shit out it's better but dream you have dt you have bbh so please don't make things worse online 😭 I know how good can be to feel validation from millions of people but. it's not a good idea, especially in the state that his fanbase is on rn (this topic is kinda sensitive to talk abt for me bc people be outright ableist and hide it as criticism like. say that shit's not helping his reputation and whatever without acting like he's fucking. manipulating his fanbase for being affected by his rsd💀 or, on the other hand, don't say that hes just being adhd🤪 when he's just being an asshole like damn that's a Him thing bro lol)

(omg it's so big I'm so sorry and theres a part two I'm so sorry tumblr user messed-up-gal ToT) - morango 1/2

pt. 2:

Dream is the proof that the people who loves you can be your downfall. istg. Have you noticed that every drama that Dream enters, people usually get more mad abt how his fanbase reacts (85% they'll react in a bad way) than Dream himself? it's not always, but its definitely more likely. I'm not saying Dream is saint, he Is petty and his ego does him dirty and made him choke multiple times before,, But! i dont think hes a bad guy. he's literally just a dude. ok, he's a 21yr old white gamer man that has a trumpie past (maybe?? idk. I think hes cured now ig lol) so he's bound to do some shitty things but he still tries to get better and hopefully he'll mature. 21 is old enough but it's still so young, yk? I kind of lost my mind during the end and my eyes are literally begging to be closed so tl;dr: Its gonna be hard for him to become a better cc bc his fans don't let him be criticized (by infantilizing his adhd symptoms or the mob mentality as soon as someone says anything abt him), the honest criticism get lost between lies from antis that don't know shit, he still has a lot of growing up to do and overall he became famous too fast and he needs to learn things even faster bc as soon as there's not a single one dream hater on sight they'll turn their back and attack him instead lmao I hate twitter i definitely have more to say but I'm tired and my memory is shit. just-- hate dream if you want, love dream if you want, nobody is obligated to have an opinion but I wanted to express mine. have a lovely day! -morango 2/2

Aight, there's a lot to unpack here, so Imma try to only go into the points I have something to add to (here's what I talk about in each paragraph, if you want to jump to a specific point):

Speed of Dream's rise to fame

The "bad apples" in the Dream fanbase

Post-MCC HBomb stream

Not condoning versus actually condemning his fans

Manipulation & RSD

Criticism of Dream, his fanbase, and his brand

The “just a dude” argument, flipped

First, I agree that one of the many factors that has resulted in the current image Dream has set up for himself, the way his fanbase functions, the ways people hate on him, and the way the Dream brand functions, is the speed of his rise to fame. It's unique, and there are probably a hundred social/psychological angles that could be used to examine the exact effects of that speed upon all of these facets of the Dream Name; did rapid fame beget the rapid rise of unrighteous hatred, did those waves of hatred then instigate the rise of a surprisingly overdefensive fanbase, did that rapid fame get to his head and/or result in an inability to appropriately handle all the after-effects of rapid fame, etc.? That point you bring up, about how the speed of his rise to fame requires him to learn even more quickly, is so interesting to me. I think that maybe Dream expected to get pretty famous pretty quickly, hence the preparedness in regards to some mechanics of influencer fame- merchandise, business-building, networking, knowing how to manage his fanbase to best benefit him. But I don't think he expected to get this famous this quickly. This is all speculation of course, as are this entire post and your ask, but I think that he just couldn't anticipate having to learn how to handle enmasse controversy, waves of antis, or every Youtuber speculating/knowing about him; and yeah, that results in him having to learn all of these things very quickly, lest he allow his whole brand and fandom to fall apart.

Second, I disagree with the frequent argument that Dream's fanbase is only marginally toxic. Personally, I think that the circumstances of Dream's fame, his personality and management of his fanbase, and his brand of content have resulted in the very specific kind of stan that Dream stans are. I don't think this is simply a case of "all fandoms have a small percentage of assholes who take it too far;" rather, the nature of the community itself breeds the kind of mentality of "an asshole who takes it too far." I only even know this because I was a Dream fan (kinda a stan, I'm ngl). At one time, I watched every single Dreamwastaken & Dream Team video multiple times; I listened to the Manhunts on repeat, as though they were podcasts; I followed mostly smiletwt and dttwt accounts on mcyttwt; I had upwards of 10 tabs for AO3 DNF fics open on my phone at a time; I watched DNF and Dream Team Being A Family-esque compilations on repeat; I watched every George and Sapnap alt stream I possibly could; I went out of my way to defend Dream against Redditors and Twitter antis regarding the cheating scandal. For the latter half of 2020, and a couple months of 2021, I lived and breathed this part of the fandom; so when I say that Dream stans are a whole other breed than any other kind of mcyttwt stan, I say that because I used to be like that, too. I usually use parasocial very loosely or ironically, but Dream stans are genuinely one of the most parasocial fanbases I have ever seen or been a part of. The level of investment Dream stans have in this man's life, the lengths they will go to to defend him, the amount of psychonalysis and digging they do on his life and character, the amount of emotion he can evoke in them- it's taken to another level, man. This isn't just characteristic of a fraction of his fanbase; this is what the fanbase is like as a whole.

Third, I partially disagree with your take on the HBomb thing, but not in the way one might think? I actually empathize with the way they reacted much more than I thought I would, simply because I suspect I have RSD (also suspect I have ADHD, have for several months now) and I can see myself getting insanely frustrated because of something like that. Like yeah, it was "just a MC stream" or "just an MC game," but that's kinda disregarding the fact that something that might seem like "just a [insert inconsequential thing]" to a rational mind might have a major emotional consequence/take a major emotional toll on someone with RSD, or really anyone who gets easily impatient/angry about video games (Sapnap reminds me of many of my friends, in that way). The issues I, personally, had with the way they handled the HBomb situation is that these are simply explanations and reasons for my empathy; they are not excuses. I have no excuse when I get irrationally angry about something inconsequential in my own life, for a couple of reasons. One, because I am an adult and I need to learn how to handle my reactions and manage my own anger. Two, because as someone with many mental problems, it is my responsibility to learn coping mechanisms to ensure my own emotional stability and livelihood; this includes learning whatever I need to handle RSD- whether that be isolating myself from others when I know I will become violently/passionately angry about something, creating and sustaining a support system that can get me through bouts of extreme emotion, finding healthy emotional outlets for my negative emotions that won't harm myself or others, or a combination thereof. I don't think what they said about HBomb post-MCC was an irreversibly horrible thing, or anything. I think there were errors committed by two men who should be fully capable of foreseeing and preventing those errors, but I don't unconditionally hate Dream or Sapnap for the post-MCC stream or comments. I just wish they had made amends quickly, publicly, and sufficiently, because the greatest consequences from the whole thing weren't even from those two criticizing HBomb themselves; they were from the waves of backlash because of their immense influence on the MCYT fandom, which could've been prevented, if they had acted maturedly and responsibly after the stream.

Fourth, you’re right, that he doesn’t seem to condone his fans’ behavior. I detest the frequent anti argument that one of the reasons Dream should be criticized is because he explicitly uses his fanbase to attack others, or something of the sort. Personally, I think he created his fanbase in a very specific way and interacts with them in such a way so as to benefit him as much as possible, yes, but he never actually tells his fanbase to go and yell at or harrass anyone. Still, there is a significant difference between not condoning something and condemning something. It might seem unfair, and it might be annoying of me to say this, but I truly think that someone with this large a fanbase, especially one as overzealous as Dream’s, needs to be condemned every single time it goes on some kind of rampage/harrassment campaign. Either that, or Dream needs to make a definitive, permanent statement against any kind of harrassment of others on his behalf. I know he’ll occassionally make the odd tweet or serious stream addressing something his fanbase did, but one of the many reasons his fanbase keeps doing the same damn thing is because he’s so lukewarm and spotty about this condemnation. A fanbase like his needs to be given explicit guidance and boundaries for the numerous things they do in his defense- harrassing/doxing antis, harrassing people who criticize him who aren’t antis (respectful criticism, other CCs, other MCYT stans, etc.), harrassing the people he critcizes (i.e., HBomb), speculating about his personal life (his relationship with his gf, his mental health/ADHD, his romantic life, his childhood, etc.), and speculating about his relationships with his friends and colleagues.  My personal ideology is that, if you have significant influence over someone or a group of people, you are at least somewhat responsible for the things those people do or don’t do, if it at all relates back to you. I’m so fucking tired of the argument that CCs aren’t responsible for what their fans do. Obviously they aren’t responsible for every single one of their fans, and obviously they can’t fully control their fans at the end of the day. But I think there are certain things that reach such a level of extremity that does make those CCs responsible. This can be measured by either scale or intensity; that is to say, if a CC’s fanbase does things on an extremely large scale, or one person from/a fraction of the fanbase does something really extreme, then the CC is made all the more responsible. Another CC I’ve always had trouble discussing with other people on this subject is Pewdiepie, in particular, about the extremists in his fanbase. Because the things a small handful of his fans have done in reference to him and/or in his name were so fucking extreme, I thought Pewdiepie had to take at least some responsibilty. Along a similar vein, because the things Dream’s general fanbase does are so widespread and on such a massive scale, Dream has to take at least some responsibility.

Fifth, okay. Hmmm. I want to tackle this point you made about the ableism he faces in some criticism of him carefully and with empathy, but not coddling. One, I do think a lot of the criticism he receives for the ways he handles criticism (post-cheating Tweets, reactions to John Swan, post-MCC HBomb stream, etc.), disregard his RSD and can be oftentimes ableist. I’ve actually encountered people irl who criticize this aspect of Dream’s character, and have had to explain to them their disregard for how ADHD/RSD affect neurodivergent people’s reactions to criticism. But - and this is a big, and very controversial but - I think mentally ill/disordered people can 100% leverage their mental illness/disorders for the sake of manipulation. This is actually something I’ve learned from a psychiatrist, regarding the ways people I know and I handle our anxiety and depression. This manipulation can be unwitting or intentional, but it is entirely possible, and the possibility shouldn’t be entirely dismissed as ableist. Living with a mental illness or disorder that others know about/that you are very public about puts you in an interesting position to receive frequent sympathy, empathy, and/or pity. I’m not saying that empathy for Dream having ADHD/RSD is entirely unjustified; on the contrary, I have frequently expressed how I can relate to his ADHD symptoms and have defended him for expressing those symptoms, both on mcytblr and in real life. I am saying that Dream fans tend to use his ADHD as a kind of shield for a lot of criticism levied against him, including the supposition that he could be manipulating his fanbase to defend him because of his public expressions of RSD. So yes, my theory is that Dream knows how to levy every aspect of his life for his personal gain and for the growth of his brand, and that includes his ADHD. I think he has courage for his openess about his ADHD, I think his openness has contributed to the rise in awareness of mental health and empathy for neurodivergent people within Gen Z, and I think at least some of his expressions of RSD publicly/online weren’t intentionally made public. All that being said, I also think he has to know just how much his fanbase cares about defending him for his ADHD, and I think he has to know that some of the things he does related to his neurodivergence endear him to his audience, in a coddling, baby-ing, mildly ableist sorta way.  Maybe this is all incredibly presumptuous of me. Of course, I can never know the real intentions behind any Dream video, Tweet, or stream. Maybe I’m just projecting, because I can see myself doing just this, if I had the maturity I had circa 2018-2019. Idfk know, man.

Sixth, I actually agree with you here, people probably do get more mad at his fanbase than him. Dream puts out content pretty seldomly, considering the frequency of content output for other Youtubers/streamers in his field/at his brand size. And yet, he has received masses of criticism. Considering that the things Dream himself does/says do not entirely correlate with the amount of criticism he receives, I think it’s a logical assumption that a lot of that criticism actually goes back to the size of his presence online, rather than the man himself. That is to say, because of the massive community he’s amassed, the exponential growth of his fanbase, their presence on every single social media site and in virtually every single Internet space/fandom, and the size of his metaphysical presence in his fields, Dream is much bigger than the man himself, so the criticism he receives will, at least in part, be a direct or indirect result of all these other aspects of the Dream brand.  Something I don’t think many Dream fans/stans, or even most MCYT fans in general, understand, is that Dream isn’t just “one guy” in the eyes of the Internet- at least, not anymore. He hasn’t been for nearly a year. Like Pewdiepie, Mr. Beast, and other CCs who have amassed similar levels of fame and wealth via Internet content creation, Dream is a brand now, and most people will treat him as such. He isn’t just some uwu soft boy playing Minecraft anymore. He is on a whole other level from any other MCYT in his friend circle or colleague interaction bubble. His words will never again live in a vaccum or private bubble, his friend circle will never again be under anything less than intense scrutiny, his past actions will never again be simple mistakes or silly errors, his words will never again be casual tweets or streams for laughs among a couple thousand followers. Dream’s name represents something much bigger than just the one man. As such, all aspects of his brand, including his fanbase, will tie back to him and, ultimately, to any general criticism of him.

I’m not saying I like any of this, and I actually think the evolution of influencers from people to a marketable brand with similar mechanisms, responsibilities, and liabilities as a corporation is some kind of late capitalism nightmare fuel; I’m just stating my own observations and theories as to why so much anti-Dream criticism seems to be directed at his fanbase, rather than him.

Seventh, he’s just a guy, you’re right, but I think a lot of the antis on Tumblr understand this more than you know. As I’ve seen it, the sentiment among much of the “DSMP stans DNI” crowd seems to be that of “Dream/other MCYTs are such ‘bad’ people, so why do their fans stick to these mediocre, racist men, when there are so many better people to watch/better content to consume?” We know this argument is flawed for many of the obvious reasons - the conflation of all MCYTs’ actions regardless of individual identity, the equating of a CC’s fanbase’s morality to that of the CC they enjoy watching, the exxageration of any error MCYT CCs have committed as bigotry/racism, the fundamental misunderstanding and misinformation that led antis to believe this exxageration of the facts, etc. But I want to focus on the general, underlying sentiment of, “why not watch someone better, when your creator is problematic?” Sometimes, I ask this of Dream stans. Yes, being mildly ignorant, getting involved in the scandals Dream has, and being a right-leaning/libertarian centrist in the recent past all seem like harmless things, all things considered. One could say Dream isn’t nearly as bad as many antis who are misinformed seem to believe, and that there are much worse CCs Dream stans could be watching and creating fan content for. But I think what Tumblr antis wonder is, aren’t there also much better MCYTs/CCs people could be watching and stanning? Because he’s just some guy, right? Is his content truly so exceptional or is he really so exceptional a person, that people have to stick by him, despite the things that spike up regarding his current or past actions? I think that’s what made me finally decide to stop watching Dream. I realized he was just Some Guy. The Dream Team was a comforting dynamic to indulge in, DNF was a cute ship to read and speculate about, and Manhunts were fun videos to watch; however, once the Reddit posts came out and I read them in-depth, the cost-benefit analysis tipped over to the “not worth it” side for me. I realized Dream’s content, while fun and comforting, was not entirely unique, and wasn’t worth sticking around for, given what I then knew about his past political leanings. If he is just Some Guy, then there are a hundred more like him out there. There a hundred more ships, a hundred more found family dynamics, a hundred more entertaining and skilled Minecraft players. So while I agree with you on the point of people being allowed to love him regardless because he is just a guy, at the end of the day, I think that, if we are to believe that sentiment or use that argument in such a manner, we should also understand the flip side- that, if he is just some guy, why is it worth sticking around? To that I say, maybe because people just enjoy the simple things they enjoy.

Anyways, I wholly agree with your tl;dr. Thanks for that insanely long ask, this was a fun thing to keep me occupied while I’ve been at work, facilitating Zoom sessions this whole morning.

[autumnblogs]

Day 13: Double Mobius Reacharound

https://homestuck.com/story/2073

Of all the characters in Homestuck, Sollux’s self-hatred is probably the most exaggerated, exacerbated no doubt by his role in the death of his girlfriend and his psychic brain. I like him, he’s an alright guy, and I wish I had more to say about him to be honest. I guess if there was one thing I was going to say about him, I think I said it already - Sollux serves as a mirror image of Dave, and Sollux’s decision to bow out early probably foreshadows the way that Dave will eventually decide that fighting is not for him.

More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/2082

How does Paradox Space know which angel to use? This is a bit of an odd moment. Maybe I’m missing the refrance, but I’ve never quite understood why Terezi reacts this way, with all of the additional periods. Sollux seems quizzical, but Terezi doesn’t react.

Also, this is the first in a serious of lines I’m going to be examining in relation to Aradia. Keep that on the back of your thinkpan.

https://homestuck.com/story/2085

Sollux and Aradia have a very sweet, tragic little relationship, and even though it doesn’t last into the longterm, I’ve always enjoyed these two together.

https://homestuck.com/story/2101

Whether retroactively, or intentionally, the sensual scantily clad fairies in Tavros’ room are a lot more noticeable on re-reads. Tavros has a pretty unassuming demeanor, and I’m not here to trash him pointlessly, but I think that Tavros has some pretty troubling patterns of behavior that can go unexamined because of the fact that he’s a victim. More on that as we go.

https://homestuck.com/story/2112

Far from a passing fancy, Tavros’ interest in animals does seem to be genuine. I wonder if he had a little farm with a bunch of these critters. We never get to see much of his other Fiduspawn if he has any.

https://homestuck.com/story/2114

Karkat and Tavros both do this, which I think is interesting because of the fact that they have opposite relationships with sleep and dreaming - Tavros spends most of his time in game asleep and dreaming of Prospit, Karkat has horrible insomnia.

https://homestuck.com/story/2122

Our very first conversation with Vriska has her tune in pretty much entirely to bully Tavros. The interesting thing is, while Vriska’s treatment of Tavros is pretty objectively bad, the way that she harasses him is actually pretty closely in line with the way that other trolls treat their friends, mutual aggression and nastiness. Vriska’s aggression isn’t addressed at someone who’s responding in kind though - Tavros is gentle where other trolls are vicious, deferential where other trolls are assertive. It’s this contrast that makes the shamefulness of Vriska’s behavior obvious to pretty much everyone but her.

https://homestuck.com/story/2123

Gamzee and Tavros are a ship tease that didn’t really end up going anywhere, but one of the things I think is interesting is the way Gamzee’s language goes from extremely lackadaisical and chill to kind of energetically violent around Tavros. Most of the time, Gamzee’s pretty laidback, but there’s a lot of language relating to murder in Gamzee’s enthusiasm here.

https://homestuck.com/story/2127

While Terezi’s Dragon doesn’t really have much of a choice in terms of its relative absence from her life, the sparse communication between the two and emotional distance is, I think, a parallel with Rose.

https://homestuck.com/story/2128

Because of the fact that we don’t get as much of a look into the Trolls’ home lives, it’s less easy to narrow down what their “finer” anxieties are, but it’s clear that they follow the same pattern of having their sleeping selves wake up as a result of internal synthesis of some kind - confronting their subconscious anxieties, and consciously accepting a part of their reality that they’ve been deliberately shutting out.

There’s probably a number of things that were instrumental to waking up for Terezi, not the least of which is accepting that Vriska is not the friend that Terezi thought she was - waking up to the fact that she was being used by an abuser in a co-dependent relationship. Coming to terms with her blindness could represent growth into a healthier sense of self, one where she finds validation internally and in healthy friend and family relationships. All that being said, her relationship with Vriska is still her most important relationship, and realizing that a problem exists is only the first step in solving it.

https://homestuck.com/story/2134

Time to stop being cagey about it, I guess. I have long viewed Aradia’s story as being one that is about surviving depression, which I say as a depression survivor. I relate heavily to the language that Homestuck uses to describe Aradia’s lack of passion and lack of enjoyment of things that she used to enjoy - especially the way that she lashes out destructively to try and alleviate her boredom and frustration.

https://homestuck.com/story/2137

On an unrelated note, Aradia has the Crosbytop. I believe I’m starting to remember how it got into her hands.

https://homestuck.com/story/2139

I’ve always thought that it’s interesting that Kanaya’s language directly mirrors Karkat’s from when he was harassing Jade, but their sentiment is almost precisely the opposite. She borrows another Karkatism almost immediately. So pretty much from the word go, we’re clued into the fact that Kanaya and Karkat have some relationship with each other that goes beyond the purely familiar, in the same way that Dave and John’s tendency to mirror each other’s language helps us to understand their friendship.

For a girl who doesn’t feel too many emotions, Aradia can be pretty sassy.

https://homestuck.com/story/2144

I have a friend who’s a bit of a Vriska kinnie (and feel like I’m pretty Vriska-esque myself), and one of the things that we both do that I’m seeing in Vriska here is fill dead air with chatter. I could be reading into it a little, but I think it should be a clue that Vriska is an intensely anxious kind of character.

https://homestuck.com/story/2145

In a parallel to Sollux’s introduction, we can’t immediately be Vriska. We couldn’t be Sollux because he was too busy stewing in his own self-criticism. There’s a push and pull going on between Vriska’s narcissism and her over-the-top self-deprecation.

https://homestuck.com/story/2150

I might be pulling this out of my ass, but I feel like there’s a case to be made for Aradia and Vriska actually being pretty strong parallels to each other - the only two trolls to get the tiger, faciliitators of destiny, devil-may-care grave-robbers. I don’t actually have a fully formed thought to really draw the two together, but I feel like there’s really something there. The way that Aradia puts Sollux to sleep here in order to ensure that the Right Disasters befall him is parallel to the way that Vriska puts people to sleep at clever points to make sure that Jack is created, and so on and so forth.

Maybe in the same way that Sollux serves as a parallel to Dave and helps us to understand what the right decision is for Dave, Aradia parallels Vriska and helps us to understand that roughly the same things are good for the two of them. Much later, (Vriska) basically chooses the same path of staying out of harm’s way and trying to enjoy the rest of her relatively eternal existence.

https://homestuck.com/story/2161

As soon as Karkat talks about Kanaya with anyone else, he further reinforces there is a friendship between the two of them.

Another quick note, as long as we’re here, I’ve kind of been putting this off, but I suppose with the one and only use of “autistic” as an insult in the comic, it’s finally time for me to bring this up:

Homestuck has a pretty problematic relationship with victims of abuse and people suffering from mental and physical disabilities. While on the one hand like, almost all of Homestuck’s main characters are disabled and abuse sufferers in some way or another, there are a lot of ways in which it’s not so charitable to them.

Some of it is stuff like this - early Homestuck uses the word retarded a lot as an insult, and has this single instance of autistic - all in all, that kind of language is problematic but in and of itself, not too egregious - Homestuck is a product of its time in that respect.

Stuff that I take issue with is more subtle - mostly stuff surrounding Jake and Tavros. I’ll have more to say on it later, but I wanted to find a good natural time to bring it up, and now seemed like a fine time.

https://homestuck.com/story/2162

Nepeta and Equius give us some information that helps grow our understanding of troll culture. We’ve already had some conversation about whose blood is better than whose from Sollux, but Equius starts to help us understand that some trolls take blood color extremely seriously.

These kids may not replicate the social anxieties of earthlings 1:1 but they still have plenty of things to be anxious about. The more I read Hiveswap the more I become convinced that most of these characters were never people we were meant to become terribly invested in - a lot of the function of the trolls, from a narrative perspective, is to give us parallels to the human main characters and insight into their lives, as well as to give us exposition on just how Sburb works exactly. And then most of them are pretty promptly killed off or put on a bus once their purpose is served (or in order to serve their purpose!)

Back to the subject of the social anxieties that the trolls have to deal with, Alternia is all about hierarchy baby.

https://homestuck.com/story/2173

Vriska may be a born cheater, but I’ve always sort of gotten the impression, based on the killer nature of FLARPING which is alluded to plenty in other situations, that if she’s cheating here, it may be the kind of cheating that is encouraged.

Between that and the way that Tavros and Aradia were discussing the “True Spirit of Flarping,” I can’t help but remember a description of the way propaganda works from some time ago. Propaganda doesn’t usually follow the story arc we are accustomed to, where we start with a character or characters who do not yet possess the tools or abilities they need to succeed, grow to overcome their weakness, and then overcome the problem that they couldn’t before.

Propaganda, instead, introduces us to characters who are already strong, facing enemies who are weak, or problems who are easy. They are strong because they are the heroes! Their enemies are weak. And the function of it is to intimidate the enemies of the person putting out the propaganda, and to rile up aggressive sentiment in those who are on the side of the propagandist.

We’ve already talked about how, in Homestuck “roleplaying” in both its more figurative and literal uses, is a way in which characters act out society’s expectations for them. In that way, I can’t help but view FLARPING as something of a propaganda tool itself, and one that’s pretty integral to Vriska’s way of thinking throughout the comic.

You’re either someone who is strong, or someone who is weak, and if you’re strong, you’re one of the victors, if you’re weak, you’re one of the losers, and you deserve whatever the victors decide what to do with you.

What I guess I’m building up to here is that there are real world societies that Troll Culture seems like an exaggerated parody of - particularly the more militaristic aspects of the Romans, and the Spartans. I’m going to wait for another time to write down all my thoughts about them, because this is turning into a bit of an essay, but suffice to say, it’s probably going to coincide with the one about Patriarchy whenever I get around to it.

https://homestuck.com/story/2175

There’s an interesting thing going on here between the way that Tavros is drawn (nearly identical to his imagine spot about flying around on Prospit), and the way that his erratic behavior isn’t actually all that different from the way characters normally do absurd and dangerous things here.

I’m by no means excusing what Vriska is doing here, but I think that between the fact that Tavros already wants to fly anyway, and the fact that again, characters do this kind of self-destructive thing in Homestuck all the time anyway, although to less of an exaggerated degree, Andrew is drawing a parallel between the narrative prompts from the Exiles, Vriska’s manipulations, and the intrusive thoughts that we already have on our own anyway.

Vriska manipulates Tavros the way that Doc Scratch manipulates her, although considerably clumsier, by getting him to do what he already wants to anyway.

https://homestuck.com/story/2177

That’s really all there is to say on the matter.

It’s like poetry, they rhyme.

In the same way that Bro manipulates Dave by imposing an idea of what it means to be a man on him - someone who can be beaten within an inch of his life, or beat someone else to within an inch of his life without batting an eye - Vriska tries to manipulate Tavros throughout his arc, and this kind of so-called “tough love” is just the start of it.

There’s a lot of supplementary material that delves deeper into Vriska’s rationale for her mistreatment of Tavros, but she makes it clear herself as we go through the comic that she at least justifies her mistreatment of Tavros by telling herself that the purpose of it is to toughen him up (so he can be one of the strong people, a winner who gets the girl.)

https://homestuck.com/story/2178

As he often is about what’s going on with other people when he’s distracted from thinking about himself by his own agitation, Karkat is probably right about Vriska - girls like her are a dime a dozen in the upper classes, and that’s the point. The point of troll society is to produce people like Vriska amongst the highbloods.

https://homestuck.com/story/2195

Let’s dig into Vriska’s self-stylization as an apocalypse buff for a second because it’s not something I think gets talked about a lot.

Apocalypticism is, in my estimation, kind of a form of generational narcissism. There are doomsayers in every generation, who claim that this is it - this new catastrophe, this new social situation, is the most important thing in the world to ever happen. The end is here. All of world history culminates in this.

I don’t mean to downplay the actual existential threats of our generation of course; climate change, late capitalism, that sort of thing. But I think Vriska’s Apocalypse Buffery fits pretty well into her need to be the most important person in Paradox Space all the time.

On another note, Luck in Homestuck is very closely related with a few concepts like Agency in Homestuck through the Aspect of Light. Terezi will later assert that luck doesn’t matter at all. What’s up with that?

Maybe Luck and Karma are two sides of the same coin (ha!) Both of them are pieces in the puzzle of Theodicy, that is to say, the metaphysics question of why there is bad in the world.

Someone like Vriska (at the beginning of her arc) would say that it’s happenstance - bad things and good things can happen to bad and good people, there’s no greater meaning behind it. Vriska has a hard time taking responsibility for her own actions - her locus of control is external, for the most part.

Terezi on the other hand mostly attributes everything to a person’s actions, hence the need to punish bad people, and reward good ones. Terezi would say that good things happen to good people, and bad things happen to bad people. Her locus of control is internal.

Maybe the answer is both motherfuckin’ things.

https://homestuck.com/story/2202

Just as Vriska’s introduction is through a conversation with her victim, so Doc Scratch’s introduction is through a conversation with his victim. Or at least, his most immediate victim.

It’s like poetry, they rhyme.

https://homestuck.com/story/2204

Kanaya pretty well sums up here what I was getting at when talking about Terezi and Vriska’s different locuses of control.

There’s no real good or bad luck here. Good luck for someone is bad luck for someone else, often enough. What “good luck” means to Vriska is that events go down the way that she personally wants them to.

And so, by seizing control and power in situations where she is helpless, the Thief of Light ensures that she always has all the luck.

Kanaya might not be right, by the way, not 100%. I’m not a stoic. You can’t just magically wish away suffering by deciding that actually, you’re 0k with it, anymore than Aradia can. Like I said, the truth probably lies somewhere between Luck and Karma.

https://homestuck.com/story/2207

While the terrifying violent monitor and the emotionally abusive manipulator are bifurcated, Vriska has a lot of the same emotional responses to her guardians as Dave does to his singular guardian - notice the similar, self-soothing language that Vriska’s narrative employs compared to the way that Dave self-sooths when trying to convince himself that the way Bro treats him is just fine and normal.

https://homestuck.com/story/2211

Equius to me is a super interesting character, because on the one hand, he’s a joke character Andrew uses to antagonize the audience by being gross but Andrew also uses him to say the quiet part loud - Homestuck is already, to begin with, a pretty lewd webcomic full of horny characters whose emotional hangups and destructive relationships with societal norms sabotage their chances at happiness. That’s all Equius is. His entire function from start to finish, aside from a source of ribald humor, is to draw attention to the fact that everyone in this comic is looking for comfort in someone else’s body, comfort from the way that unrealistic societal expectations and their attempts to live up to them don’t match up to what’s inside of their heart. Equius is a parody of Homestuck inside of Homestuck. Absurdly overpowered, ridiculously horny, all twisted up inside.

https://homestuck.com/story/2220

The language here that Equius uses - degenerate - is evocative of the sorts of right-wing authoritarian hate mongers that Equius’ ideology stands in for. Equius, of course, has doubts about said ideology, which he starts to express through transgressive relationships pretty much as soon as we meet him, like the one with Aradia. The fact that he can’t make sense of the warring ideas inside of him almost literally kills him.

https://homestuck.com/story/2221

Except that what kills him literally is a shitty clown.

I think what’s going on here is interesting, because if you want to read Equius as like, Homestuck in a nutshell, Equius’ ideological hangups are co-morbid with his sexual hangups, and resolving one set would probably go a long way toward resolving the other set. Equius is, for lack of a better term, a deviant. The sorts of things that excite him (here, viscerally) don’t match up with his idea of how troll society is supposed to be.

Equius and Gamzee are confronting each other with a different vision for what Troll Society is supposed to be like.

https://homestuck.com/story/2222

In stark contrast to the shallow and insincere hostility of Trolls who are actually friends with each other, Vriska and Equius maintain a veneer of social grace as they mutually plan to backstab each other.

https://homestuck.com/story/2237

Vriska is pretty clearly projecting here, but she’s also 100% right. I guess when you know somebody, you know them. Or it could be happenstance.

Her view of redemption is also transactional. “I will make things the way they were before, and things can go back to being the way that they were,” she seems to say. It’s a very legalistic view of it, and while it might have a place in a justice system, even the extremely legalistic Terezi can tell that that wouldn’t actually fix anything. Maybe the physical and emotional damage could be repaired in theory, but if the actors in the situation don’t change themselves in fundamental ways, this is all just going to recur in the future.

Forgiveness isn’t something an abuser can earn - nobody has the right to claim that they have restored a relationship that they destroyed in the first place by demonstrating token repentance.

https://homestuck.com/story/2238

If Andrew already had in mind that Equius should in some way be a part of the gestalt of souls that is Lord English, he’s foreshadowing it early here by comparing Equius’ voyeuristic habits to Scratch’s.

https://homestuck.com/story/2244

I’ll lay my cards on the table and say I think that Doc Scratch can present the facts 100% and still be dishonest. I’m a compatibilist - I think that Free Will and Accountability are compatible with the idea of a deterministic universe. Doc Scratch doesn’t have to talk anyone into anything, but the material conditions that led everyone to the decisions that they chose to make were orchestrated by Lord English. Scratch may not be making any decisions here that effect the outcomes, sure, but the game was rigged in his favor from the start.

Again, I’m not excusing Vriska’s actions here. But for the same reason that we wouldn’t blame Tavros for jumping off of a cliff just because trying to fly is something he already wanted to do to begin with, I think it’s clear to anyone with eyes that Doc Scratch is at least partially responsible for creating this little monster.

Vriska’s complicated. Let’s move on so this whole post doesn’t turn into more Vriskourse. That’s the last thing anyone needs.

https://homestuck.com/story/2258

You know you’re going to anyway.

I guess what intrigues me so much about this section is the gradation between manipulation and coercion.

https://homestuck.com/story/2263

Vriska might be a born cheater, but Doc Scratch is a sore loser.

She’s pretty easy to root for when she’s against him.

https://homestuck.com/story/2269

Man, Act 5 Act 1 is just absolutely lousy with conversation about choice and luck.

https://homestuck.com/story/2276

Part of what creates ambiguity in terms of how much Vriska’s choices are her nature versus the conditions that shaped it is on display here in her conversation with Aradia.

Vriska doesn’t really know how to interact with people positively, like, at all. Nobody’s ever taught her. She doesn’t know what it means to be a friend to someone. She doesn’t know what it means to help someone. She doesn’t know how to be loved or forgiven.

Is this like the scorpion and the frog? Or does she have free will? (I’ll give you a hint, it’s the second one.)

https://homestuck.com/story/2280

This whole sequence is just a delight. The trolls are really just such disaster people, and if I can be excused, it’s easy to put more emotional distance between myself and say, Equius, than it is between myself and Vriska and Terezi. Like I said, Equius says the quiet part out loud, so there’s really nothing much to analyze there.

Aradia’s inability to control the ribbits is part of a general mood of a lack of control that she has as a character. Vriska’s lack of control causes her to rage at the heavens and lash out at the people around her. Aradia is just 0k with it, and neither is a healthy coping strategy. The result is that the two of them break a lot of shit.

https://homestuck.com/story/2305

For the first time in his life, Karkat is not alone.

https://homestuck.com/story/2319

I could really be mistaken here, but the way this whole sequence is presented here really feels, on an archival reread, to be telling me, “You do not need to care about these characters.” Certainly they serve a function in the story, but with the exception of a few of them (literally only a third of them), they serve as tools in an authorial toolbox to help flesh out the setting - not so unlike the Carapacians actually, but with a lot more personality.

https://homestuck.com/story/2323

Kanaya is threefold one of the few of her kind, making her extra special. While she is closest with Rose, she’s a clear parallel to Jade, who if memory serves, suffered frequent accustations of being a Mary Sue early on. Kanaya’s level of specialness (in terms of combined rare factors) outcompetes even Jade’s. Probably a part of the playfully antagonistic style of Homestuck in general.

https://homestuck.com/story/2338

It slipped my mind earlier that the honey on Sollux’s hands was being directly juxtaposed with Dave’s blood on his own hands, and here Kanaya’s.  All three of them are, to some extent or another, contemplating their mortality. As Kanaya said just a few panels ago though, death is confusing without the finality. Just another way that Homestuck plays with the nomenclature of endings and beginnings and intermissions and brings into question the usefulness of those categories.

https://homestuck.com/story/2343

I have always enjoyed the dynamic that Kanaya and Eridan share with each other, and I wish there were more conversations of her just dunking on him.

Also of note in this little conversation is the way that Kanaya and John mirror each other’s language. This is an example though where they could not possibly be mirroring it the way that Dave and John might be when they’re talking about Bec, or the way that she and Karkat might be. They have, it seems, the same penchant for mischief.

https://homestuck.com/story/2345

Like her counterparts from Universe B, Kanaya’s preoccupation with relationships and personal contact is made manifest through her Squiddle Lunchtop.

https://homestuck.com/story/2350

Both of the main Pages in Homestuck are characters whose primary usefulness is seen through their ability to make friends and broker alliances. I suspect that being a Page in Sburb is to some extent a bit like being an ADC in League of Legends.

The ADC or Attack Damage Carry, if you’re not familiar with the nomenclature, is a character who starts the game weak, and remains vulnerable throughout such that the whole team has to play babysitter. If you think that sounds unappealing to play, you’d be right - it can be pretty hard to find someone willing to play ADC, especially with the popularity of high-risk high-reward Asassins (not so unlike a thief!) who are their direct counter.

In spite of their relative vlunerability, the ADC has absolutely dominated the meta of League of Legends for the past ten years for the simple reason that there is absolutely no substitute when it comes to controlling objectives.

Maybe Pages are a little bit like that. Frustrating to be one, frustrating to have one around, but extremely rewarding to invest in. It’s too bad nobody can be arsed to give them the emotional support they need to flourish. Too bad they have such... intractible character flaws.

https://homestuck.com/story/2356

Kanaya’s inability to stop mothering people sabotages her chance at winning Vriska’s affection - no doubt because Vriska has misread the situation as Kanaya being her romantic rival for Tavros’s attention. For the better, I guess, since Rosemary is my shit.

Trolls sure are weird.

https://homestuck.com/story/2369

Vriska has already figured out the point of Sburb, and perhaps the ultimate riddle, although she clearly hasn’t figured out the ramifications of it yet.

In any case, it should be clear how she has interpreted Sburb’s directive - authenticate your own existence through reproduction.

Being a winner, having self-worth, being able to justify your own existence means being strong enough, smart enough, pretty enough to shape the rest of existence in your own image.

She’s missing a critical detail, and its absence means she has it completely backwards.

https://homestuck.com/story/2370

We already know what is on the other side of the portal. Vriska is making herself out to be the final boss.

The final boss and the treasure are the same thing, in her mind.

The struggle is the objective.

The fighting is the point.

https://homestuck.com/story/2374

Just wanted to take a second to say that this whole sequence is so unnerving and horrible that I was sure she was going to murder, violate, and/or eat him, not necessarily in that order, the first time I read through this.

The sad reality is, this is the fucked up courtship ritual of a girl who has no idea how to be intimate with other people.

https://homestuck.com/story/2391

And that’s where we’ll pause for the night, having finished nearly 300 pages as promised.

Hope I wasn’t getting too lazy there at the end.

I’m enjoying my weekend.

Hope that yinz enjoy yours once it rolls around.

For now, Alive and Not Sober, Cam signing off.

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Your posts are always interesting, this could sound weird but, what do you think about the sexual orientations in 19 days? I know it is shonen ai but in this kind of comic is usually characters are just in love with someone but no anyone else. But with zhanyi it has being shown at least that Zhan had problems thinking about it, what do you think about tianshan's as well? I am not into Lgbt knowledge, so i'm lost about it

Good afternoon, dear anon-san!

I’m sorry it took me a couple of days to get to your question. Thank you for your patience!

I’ve talked about my takes on the sexual orientations a couple of times by now:

Why didn’t HT want MGS to like him more and more?

Homophobia in 19 Days

Could HT be bisexual?

Could ZZX be quoiromantic?

Was ZZX a heterosexual prior to JY’s confession?

Zhanyi and emotional manipulation?

Was MGS HT’s first kiss?

My Tianshan “timeline”

I suggest you check out those previous answers to get a better sense of where I’m coming from. I’m probably going to repeat some of the things in this answer but not as comprehensively.

Also, before I get further into this, I realize this is a rather controversial topic in the fandom. However, I want people reading this to know that I am most certainly not against discussing how readers interpret the characters from this perspective. I know some people just genuinely don’t care one way or another - which is perfectly fine - but to me, it sometimes feels like “who cares” is used to shut people up. I don’t see why the aspect of sexual orientations can’t be discussed just like any other part of the story. Especially since I feel like it’s one of the major themes of 19 Days. And sexual orientations in fiction can be important peaks of representation and connection to many readers, so I do understand why people might want to talk about them.

In all fairness, though, I also understand why people might be annoyed by this discussion. Other’s interpretations can feel forceful to us, especially if they greatly differ from ours. Or it might irritate us if we feel like people are focusing on trivial things. I get it. I’m sometimes “guilty” of those feelings, too - I’m not trying to make it sound like I’m somehow above that. However, I don’t think the solution should be to make others feel shitty but rather to try and give room for all kinds of points of view.

Anyway. End of my usual rant when it comes to these things. (^_^ ‘‘)

“what do you think about the sexual orientations in 19 days?”

When it comes to sexual orientations in 19 Days, I feel like the most accurate answer I can give is “I don’t know”. I don’t think it’s possible to tell one way or another for sure, and anyone’s interpretation is as good as mine. The things I’ve said in previous answers - and what I will continue to say in this one, too - are merely based on the vibes I’ve personally gotten. I am not trying to make it sound like I have some kind of solid, concrete “evidence”. I want everyone to keep all of that in mind when reading this.

He Tian and Mo Guan Shan

I’m going to be fairly brief with HT because I’ve already talked about him in this sense a few times. In short, I tend to read HT as a budding bisexual. Partly because of the vibes I’ve gotten and partly because of my own bias as a bisexual. It’s a pet interpretation of sorts that I like to toy with.

There aren’t any solid extracts of the comic for me to base this on, either. Merely little details that had caught my eye and made me wonder (ch. 160, 190, 226. 307):

If someone says that none of those panels make HT a bisexual, I would wholeheartedly agree. But to me, as a reader, those little details muddy the waters. Reading magazines with half-naked women in suggestive poses on the cover doesn’t make anyone straight, bi, or anything, but it seems HT doesn’t at least mind that kind of content - perhaps he’s even interested in it since he’s supposedly spent money on them. Of course, it’s too hasty to judge a book by its cover so to speak but I’ve always been interested in that detail.

However, what has made me think HT might be bisexual more than that is the whole “I don’t want you to like me more and more” thing. I have somewhat mixed feelings about the note but regardless of that, HT felt the need to lie to MGS. Again, there could be many reasons for it - but I think one possible reason could be that he was conflicted. Initially, HT didn’t get interested in MGS for romantic reasons, but somewhere along the way his feelings shifted and developed. Was HT confused about his own feelings and that’s why he lied to MGS? Was it his first time discovering such feelings for another guy? Again, it’s impossible to tell for sure but I don’t see why that couldn’t be a possible way to interpret it.

In addition to all of that, we don’t really know enough about HT’s past relationships to tell one way or another. He’s only 15, so I doubt he’s had much experience whether it’s with girls or guys. How being a part of his family has affected him as a person is also something that should be taken into consideration when wondering about HT’s potential romantic past.

I haven’t really talked about how I see MGS’s orientation before. I think that MGS’s character was set out as straight, but it’s always been more like a like “default setting” rather than what he might actually be. I would say he sees himself as a heterosexual but I think that’s more about him just going with what’s considered “normal” without bothering to give it much thought (ch. 222):

That little conversation has always reminded me of the movie 40 Year Old Virgin. Like, if Buzzcut had asked MGS “what kind of boobs do you like?” and MGS had been like “yes” or “as long as she has them”. He doesn’t really seem to have preferences or a type when it comes to girls, and I think one reason for that is because he’s never really been that concerned about the matter. If someone asks, he’s into girls but that kind of conversation is over rather quickly with him.

One reason for MGS’s seeming indifference is probably how he’s been rejected by his peers, ultimately leading him to isolate himself and push others away by becoming even harder to approach. Girls wouldn’t be interested in someone like him, so why should he waste time thinking about them? I might be projecting too much but it seems to be like he’s basically rejecting that part of being a teenager. It’s easier to ignore it until you’ve become indifferent than feeling like you’re missing out on something. 

In addition to that, it seems MGS is easily irritated and disgusted by the idea of another guy making a pass at him and aggressively guards both his body and image in that sense (ch. 160, 170, 249, 250, 285):

I’m sure a lot of that has to do with his history of being involved in gangs and being a delinquent. To survive in that world you need to exhibit rather aggressive and masculine behavior. In other words, to be the top dog. In those circles, being gay is easily associated with being the bottom as in submissive and easily overpowered. So, in addition to MGS not being keen on talking about girls and romance, he’s also had to keep up a certain image.

Do I think HT has discovered MGS’s “true” sexuality? I wouldn’t really put it like that. I would rather say HT’s persistent influence has “unlocked” the world of love and affection for MGS. He can experience that part of life with HT instead of rejecting it. I suppose the million-dollar question is does that make MGS straight or homosexual. And to be honest, I don’t have an answer. Personally, I read him more as a heterosexual than homosexual. I can’t really him being in a relationship with other guys than HT.

Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi

I’ve also talked about these two quite a lot, so I don’t know how much I have left to say. Generally speaking, I think JY is someone who might actually identify as a homosexual in the future. It doesn’t look like he’s ever been interested in girls. More importantly, though, it seems that as he’s fallen in love with ZZX he’s also discovered himself in a broader sense (ch. 143, 158, 164, 187):

I think the theme of coming of age when it comes to sexuality is the strongest in JY’s character. ZZX might be the only guy he has a crush on, but JY seems to be thinking about being in love with a guy also as something that might defy him. He feels confused about being different and scared of how others could react to him being in a relationship with ZZX despite how open he also is about his feelings. He might happily want to hold hands with ZZX or kiss him in public but he’s not always that confident. JY is surprisingly good at hiding behind a happy-go-lucky smile and carry the hurt and insecurity caused by prejudice in his heart. Those deeper feelings occasionally burst out when his guard lowers.

Again, this is just an overall vibe I’ve gotten from JY’s character. But I’ve always felt like he’s processing the whole thing of being in love with someone of the same sex on a deeper level than the others. I feel like his feelings for ZZX are connected to his identity more explicitly and him coming to discover himself sexually in the same way that real-life people would.

Compared to the three other boys, I think ZZX has always been a solid straight to me. I think before JY’s confession he identified as a heterosexual. He just was the kind of teenage boy who found girls and crushes too troublesome and annoying (ch. 51, 52, 102):

I doubt the idea of being in a relationship with another guy had really popped into his mind as an option. JY’s confession and feelings for him as a guy came as a big shock to him. Their first kiss seemed to tumble everything down in ZZX’s head and force him to figure everything - JY, himself, and his relationship with JY - from the beginning (ch. 151, 152, 165):

I believe a lot of it was rebuilt the same way but there were definitely changes and also room for future changes. A lot of the feelings ZZX already had for JY - protectiveness, affection, deep sense of bond - could also be applied to a romantic relationship. I believe they’re also the building blocks that ZZX as a character would want to cherish in his romantic relationship. All ZZX needed to do was to shift his point of view a little when it came to JY and see how he felt about it.

As big of a mental turmoil as I’m sure ZZX went through, I think it’s safe for us to assume what his resolve was. I might be too generous with my interpretation but this moment made Zhanyi canon in my head (ch. 209):

ZZX didn’t exactly return JY’s feelings in the same sense but he accepted them. He might not be ready to give all the things JY wants yet but he made a promise that JY will have a future with him. JY won’t have to feel insecure because ZZX will always be beside him. He just needs more time, and JY has to be patient.

But I suppose that once again the question of ZZX’s current orientation remains. And I don’t have a solid answer this time, either. I still read him mostly as a heterosexual, though. Just like MGS, I can’t really see ZZX in a relationship with another guy besides JY. However, I think that ZZX is also the type of character who puts more emphasis on the bond of the relationship rather than his partner’s gender. But...still, I imagine it would be quite a hump for him to discover that he could have feelings for guys in general, too.

“in this kind of comic is usually characters are just in love with someone but no anyone else”

This is very true and also partly why saying anything one way or another is quite difficult. In the story, the characters are in love with one other person, but you can’t make assumptions or conclusions based on just that. Just because you’re in a same-sex relationship doesn’t mean you’re a homosexual. Whenever I wonder about the orientations in 19 Days, I try to keep this in mind but I also feel like the vagueness allows readers to make multiple interpretations. I get certain vibes that point me in certain directions but I completely understand if others end up with other kinds of readings.

However, this kind of “he’s only gay for him” is also something I’ve seen BL been criticized for. It makes it look like men being attracted to other men isn’t a real thing but rather something that happens under special circumstances. Personally, I don’t have a major problem with that - it is what it is, I suppose - but I can see why that would bother people in BL. Do I wish some characters (for example, JY) would come out as LGBT at some point in the story (if you don’t think he already has)? Sure, I’d be interested in seeing that. And I think it would be a natural development for his character. Do I think that’s going to happen? I’m somehow doubtful, not at least in so many words. But that doesn’t really mean the comic can’t tell a story about discovering oneself, as we’ve already come to see.

Thank you for your question, dear anon-san!

[littlemisssquiggles]

Hello! Long time no see! I read your Cinder the Red Queen theory, and it's really cool! Cinder is one of my favorite characters (even if I don't watch RWBY anymore) and it would be really awesome to see Cinder play a really big role, besides "revenge on Ruby". Although, I am personally more of a Cinder Redemption Arc fan. So, hypothetically, if Cinder were to get one such redemption arc, how do you think it would play out?

Hiya Yellow! Yeah it has been a while. Sorry I took so long to get back to you. Slowly working through my backlog of posts inside my inbox. Anyways, how have you been fam? And in the literal immortal words of one Oscar Pine, wait…WHAT! When did you stop watching RWBY? ! D8

What happened? If you don’t mind me asking, how come you’re not watching anymore? Is it because you just fell out of love with the series as a whole after being disappointed with its current direction or did all the discourse surrounding the show (and by extension RT as well) drive you to stop?

Sad to hear you’re no longer in the FNDM man. But on a different note, allow me to say thank you! Knowing that you’re a Cinder fan, I’m happy to hear that you liked my Red Queen headcanon for her. Much appreciated.

And yes, I do remember you being an advocate for Cinder’s redemption as well. In response to writing a Cinder redemption arc, I’m gonna be frank. 

Given the way the canon has portrayed Cinder’s character, both in previous seasons and currently, redemption is still the last thing I can envision for your favourite Fall Maiden m’dude. I’ve never seen Cinder getting redeemed as a possibility since to me, the show hasn’t shown enough evidence of her being empathetic to anyone else other than herself to make me believe there’s a chance for her to change for the greater good.

The only way I can picture Cinder going is either she is given the Adam Taurus treatment---unceremoniously killed off despite the series keeping her relevant to the story for so long or…Cinder survives long enough to rise up and see herself becoming the all-powerful entity she desires to be---ultimately walking out of Salem’s shadow to overthrow her and replace her as the Red Queen and succeeding within a short time what Salem has failed to do for centuries---thrusting Remnant into utter anarchy in the form of a second Great  War sparked by one of the kingdoms (possibly Mistral) declaring war against the remaining three kingdoms hoping to conquer them all after learning that the great Atlas Kingdom has fallen along with the former Mantle.

One kingdom to rule them all and this was all done through Cinder puppeteering her pawns in the Mistral Council through her newly awakened abilities after finally succumbing to the Geist Grimm and becoming something more than human--- a Grimm with a soul and a conscience. A Grimm-human hybrid or Grimmoire as I’d like to say.

Instead of being redeemed, I more favour the idea Cinder becoming a bigger threat to Remnant than Salem who I peg would be defeated, purified of her darkness (courtesy of Ruby’s silver eyes) and stripped of any magic that she had, courtesy of Cinder betraying her.

Cinder’s whole “…Without you, I am nothing” statement from the trailer is just giving me huge red flags for her to eventually realize that she can probably do better than Salem without her holding her back. The student does eventually become the master, right? So why not expect Cinder to replace Salem as the main big antagonist of RWBY with her reign being the true threat of Remnant in a time of war?

I really, really like the idea of the main conflict of RWBY not being the war with Salem but the rise of Cinder Fall and the second Great War of Remnant. I think such a plotline would be cool especially looking back on the fact that Oz had told General Ironwood that he prayed that his students---the children whose futures and development were entrusted to him---would never have to face the pains and strife of war like his predecessor: King Phadrig of Vale, once did long ago.

It would actually be very compelling to watch our heroes attempting to survive a dire time when the world was divided with two of its founding kingdoms in shambles while one tried to conquer them all (Mistral) and another daring to defend them all (Vacuo). The first Great War lasted ten years. Imagine if…it were the same for the second with time fast-forwarding to another period ten years later when all of our young heroes were now grown adults. No longer naïve children enamoured by the huntsmen lifestyle but seasoned warriors doing what they could to help the people in a dark world where war raged, humanity pleaded for their salivation and the Grimm feasted.

That could’ve been nice. But…I’m getting ahead of myself here. I’m not sure if anything like that will actually happen in the show. Still it’s good to share the idea around.

Going back to Cinder, like I said---right now I can’t see a redemption arc for Cinder.

As I said, the core reason why I’ve never been for Cinder being a redeemable character is due to the fact that up until this point, the series has done very little to establish her having any positive qualities. Cinder has sadly been selfish through and through making it very clear multiple occasions that she’s only out for herself. For me to have pictured Cinder to be a redeemable character, the series would’ve need to introduce a sort of “buffer character”---for lack of a better term. Basically when I say a buffer character, I mean in terms of a character who could’ve acted as a sort of foil to Cinder---seeing through her power-hungry nature and faults and thus revealing to the audience a much more relatable, sympathetic and emotionally vulnerable side to her through her relationship with said buffer.

The best example of this type of dynamic for me in an animated media is the relationship between Prince Zuko and his Uncle Iroh from Avatar the Last Airbender. In that series, Iroh was Zuko’s buffer character---the one person who saw through Zuko’s acts of aggression and appealed to the side of him that was just a insecure young man lacking any real support in his life and wanting nothing more than to do his best to appease an abusive father just so that he can feel a sense of belonging in the world.

It was through his bond with his uncle that I, as a viewer, was able to believe in Zuko’s redemption arc since it was only with Iroh did we see a more open side to Zuko---the side that reminded us that outside of his status as Prince of the Fire Nation leading the charge to capture the Avatar---outside of that, Zuko was only a boy in need of guidance. Guidance that Iroh attempted to provide him on multiple occasions.

Going back to Cinder, this is what I would have needed to make her redeemable. Give her a character who is the only one to see her more vulnerable side. Using what we know about the series, I’d say Emerald Sustrai could’ve easily been Cinder’s buffer. In the show, RWBY already established Cinder as a sort of motherly/sister figure based on Emerald’s perception of her.

Through Emerald, the show could’ve used her close ties with Cinder to show a side to her that we often don’t see. A side that actually cares for Emerald or at least better fools Emerald (and by extension us as the audience) into thinking that she cares. Ironically enough, the show could’ve had Cinder mirror Salem in this regard.

The reason why I’m more of an advocate for Salem’s redemption over Cinder is because UNLIKE Cinder, the show has given me moments of Salem being genuinely kind and caring to others. We saw this with the way she loved Ozma and would’ve done anything to get him back before her self-interest and hatred toward the Brother Gods consumed her.

We saw this in the Lost Fable and to some degree, even though she is another pawn to her, I’d like to think that the way Salem treats Cinder is akin to a mother. My issue with Salem isn’t that she is incapable of caring about others, it’s that no matter what, she will never put them before herself. It will always be her first and others second. At least that’s what I interpreted and it for this reason while her curse will remain.

However at least the show has shown examples of Salem showing compassion towards other. This is something I have yet to see from Cinder Fall. To me, Cinder is lacking that side of her.

Salem is selfish but as strange as this for me to say, I don’t think she’s entirely heartless. It’s kind of complicated when it comes to Salem but this just adds onto why I find her character fascinating. This is what makes the difference for me between her and Cinder and separates the two.

Salem is selfish but is capable of empathy and a surprising amount of mercy in unexpected moments (like in the way she treats Cinder for example. Salem could’ve easily offed Cinder for her failures like how she ended Lionheart but instead she left her be. And judging from the V8 trailer, even as Cinder came grovelling back to her, Salem still seemed to mostly react to Cinder’s return with an air of a strict parent who isn’t angry at their child but more disappointed. And oddly enough she did the same thing with Tyrian back in V4)

Cinder, on the other hand, shares in Salem’s self-centred nature but lacks any kind of compassion. Cinder is heartless.

Sorry Yellow, picturing a redemption arc for Cinder Fall is tough for me, even hypothetically speaking. I mean, if the show had done something with Cinder akin to Zuko---having her gain the power and status she’s always wanted only to have it result in her losing the only good relationship she had in Emerald thus leading to her falling from grace again after realizing her mistakes---then I could see it.

Or…perhaps the show could’ve pulled an Azula type of redemption for Cinder. Have her gain the power she desired at the cost of her own humanity and she loses herself in the process, becoming a monster and realizing her mistakes too late. And in the end, despite everything she’s been through and in spite of all that she put her through, the only person to appear before Cinder in her time of death after falling from her mistakes is Emerald.

I like the irony of Emerald cradling a dying Cinder Fall, choosing even then not to hate her and remain with her until her last dying breathe as her way of finally paying her back for saving her from her former life of poverty; giving her a new sense purpose in life outside of being a street rat.

That could’ve worked, at least me. But again, this is only if the show had further developed Emerald and Cinder’s bond. I genuinely wished the show had explored more of Cinder’s ties to Emerald. This is why I wanted Emerald to be Cinder’s accomplice for Atlas instead of Neopolitan. We could’ve watched Emerald’s character grow further through her separating herself from Salem’s legion and devoting herself entirely to Cinder. We could’ve watched Cinder even entice Emerald with the prospect of her ruling beside Cinder in the new world she would’ve aided her to build for Salem.

At the end of the day, as Emerald implied back in V5, she doesn’t care that much for Salem. The only person of interest to Emerald Sustrai is Cinder so this makes me curious to see what their reunion would be like for V8. I highly doubt Salem just ups and left Emerald, Mercury and Hazel back in the Dark Domain. Unless they were sent off to Vacuo to retrieve the Sword of Destruction, they’re bound to be there with Salem inside of Grimm Monstro so I’m looking forward to seeing the look on Emerald’s face when she realizes to her dismay that in her absence, she had been replaced with Neo.

It would be interesting watching how Emerald deals with this development in addition to seeing where her story goes from here now that her beloved Cinder Fall is back with her but not really with HER, y’know what I’m saying? Perhaps this could lead to Emerald going out of her way to get back onto Cinder’s good side mirroring Cinder attempting to return to Salem’s.

“…Without you, I am NOTHING!” “…I don’t care about Salem but I owe Cinder for EVERYTHING!”

It’ll be a game of watching apprentices regain the faith of their masters as Emerald is Cinder’s apprentice while Cinder is Salem’s. This should be a fun development to observe for next season

…Sorry if I haven’t exactly answered your question Yellow. Truth be told, I don’t have much ideas for how Cinder could be redeemed. However I do stand by my points about Emerald being used to show a different side to Cinder. It’s a shame this wasn’t done much in the canon. But who knows? Maybe something might be done to change that for V8.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2020)

[yanderedbh-moved]

How I Would Classify the Characters as Yanderes

Before I begin this post would not be possible without a very interesting and in-depth post by @thisisallthehattersfault which you can find here! The post basically breaks down the yandere archetype into little subsections which I used as classifications here. Really, I can’t recommend this post enough, so please check out that (and maybe give the account a little love while you’re at it!)

Delusional

Kamski, Delusional

A bit of a creative choice here, but considering how the delusional yandere would expect their love to actually return their affections or at least to come around to answering the feelings. This sounds eerily similar to the way one with an inflated sense of self-worth would feel entitled to others' love and affection.

Even though Kamski genuinely feels that there's no one else in your life who would fall who you would fall for instead of him, that doesn't mean he won't keep you on a tight leash. So don't plan on ever trying to leave his home or staying in contact with others.

It's difficult for Elijah to process the idea that other people are important enough to you to risk and escape attempt to see them again. Though in his mind, Elijah would attribute that irrational decision on the large change in your life rather than because you actually like another more than him.

Despite all his entitlement, though, you must know Elijah would do anything for you and would sacrifice so much to keep you happy. His fault is in his own failure to properly articulate this love, not in the lack thereof.

Ralph, Delusional

It's pretty understandable to put Ralph here, considering he's easily the most detached and unhinged character in the game itself. This fundamental disconnect with reality a tragic result of his own trauma on account of the torture he endured at the hands of humans that fateful night. The way his mind was so entirely rattled by the whole affair completely broke his mind and as a result, his actions forever.

The tragic way Ralph broke leaves him unable to really understand the world around him, to put it bluntly. When Ralph falls for you, he's so utterly in love with you he can't imagine why you wouldn't love him back. After all, you knew he'd already been through so much there's just no way someone as wonderful and lovely as you would ever try to break his heart like this.

Because of this brazen assuredness of your love, Ralph won't be afraid to openly act very cuddly and physically close to with you. Again because of the way his mind was broken so long ago, Ralph is permanently living in his own world and will do his best to provide and care for you as a husband should.

If you were to try and leave him or runaway Ralph wouldn't understand your choice, and it's certain he would be very angry about all this he wouldn't necessarily be angry at you. He wouldn't understand and, more so than anything, would feel more confused than betrayed here.

Semi-Delusional

North, Semi-Delusional

North's feelings of attraction regarding you are unexplainable and completely counter her personal creed to make all humans pay for the cruelty she endured at their hands. Though, deep within her heart of hearts, North knows there's no way she could ever bring herself to believe she hates you.

Despite being a pessimist in most aspects of her life, North can't help but feel a kind of love and warmth around you she's never known from another before. And due to this and experience with love, North can't help but go entirely overboard.

Unfortunately for her, just as the highs of her love for you are, so it goes for the lows. The fear of others getting in her way and the insecurity of losing you to another partner is also all of them were strong. Resulting and her unable to hold back when dealing with any possible rivals.

It's only once North comes down from these intense emotional outbursts that she realizes it's not wise to fall so hard for someone. Though these moments of clarity seldom last before being replaced with another intense wave of emotion.

Chloe, Semi-Delusional

She's far more grounded in reality than Ralph is. But Chloe is actually somewhat similar to Ralph on account of how unlikely it is she would feel guilty for keeping you in such a forceful and restrictive relationship.

Make no mistake. Chloe is not stupid; in fact, Chloe is somewhat unique in her own right because I'm like many characters; she is intelligent in a people-based sense. She can read people well has good intuition Etc.

A Small difference maybe but would result in her using her sharp and always attentive intuition to sense your personal boundaries and would never be so physically pushy as Ralph would.

She wants you to be comfortable around her at all times, primarily focused on getting you to genuinely love her back despite the situation and will be far less unpredictable around you as Ralph would.

Selective

Markus, Selective

So for Markus, it's challenging for him to fully understand the way he feels about you for so many reasons. Markus knows he loves you unconditionally more so than he's ever loved before he grapples heavily with the fact it's unlikely and maybe impossible for you to feel the same way. Still, Markus is ready to use his passion to determine choices.

It's difficult for him to deal with the frustrations of loving someone so much and of knowing they're the world to you only for you to not reciprocate his affections. Unfortunately for you, if you're not careful, Markus might physically take these frustrations out on you, given the opportunity.

Markus might also smother you in a way and cling to you like a life preserver. As the one thing, he knows he can keep all to himself in a world that erupts and changes every day around him. Out of all the yanderes, Markus would be one of the worst to try and escape from as he would clean the hardest and physically fight back with a passion.

The only thing which would be more dangerous than trying to escape would be trying to confide in another that you fear Marcus to be a corrupt leader. Or to try and convince a third party to try and team up with you to eliminate Markus. Then you won't be the only one to feel Markus' wrath, and the latter may be made of a public example.

Josh, Selective

It's challenging to place Josh as someone very clouded by idealism or entirely realistic because of that Josh fits comfortably in the middle. (Which is ironic considering he's supposed to represent total pacifist options, but still.)

Josh is likely someone who if he senses, there's even a chance you're beginning to show signs of coming around to returning his affections it would really trigger his inner idealist. He wouldn't help but double down on his controlling behavior and would become all the more smothering now that he believes that there is genuine love in your heart.

Overall it's safer to say Josh all around is more grounded and less intense as a yandere. Even though it's tough for him to deal with the overall intensity of his feelings, he wouldn't physically hurt you for not returning his affections.

Additionally, if you do find yourself able to overlook his darker impulses and actions and genuinely work to return his feelings, Josh might just become one of the easiest yanderes to reform into a wholesome normal relationship.

Semi-Lucid

Connor: Semi Lucid

While it makes so little sense to him to ever fully embrace and love someone who leaves and feeling so unsure and unable to process things effectively. Connor can't deny the love and warmth he feels around you and comparing that to the cold reality of the rest of his life? This leaves him the weaker.

It's hard for Connor to wholly lean into these feelings of love though considering the probability of you actually returning his feelings. Much less to the same extent as him. Because of this, he desperately fears of being discovered.

Though he's afraid of you discovering the dark reality of his true intentions, that doesn't mean he would hesitate to eliminate any possible rivals behind your back.

It's not something Connor would want to do. Still, he is likely also the kind of yandere who would hurt or physically incapacitate you if it meant keeping you close. Even though he knows this won't make you like him anymore.

Hank, Semi-Lucid

The chief word to characterize this yandere type is Escapist. Considering how long now Hank's lived such a dim and joyless life, it makes too much sense he would do anything to hold onto this joy. Even if that means acting against his best interest.

It also adds up Hank, the person who's lived in such a dark place for so long now would be much less averse to crossing boundaries of what most would consider acceptable and a regular loving relationship. Now that he really feels he has something to lose, its all more important that he keeps you.

Just because Hank knows he wouldn't hesitate to get his hands dirty if it meant keeping you protected, it's not to say he's proud of this, and he is much more aware of how you'd react if you found out.

Likely Hank would use any moments of aggressive protectiveness between the two of you as just a part of his usual rough exterior. Furthermore, he wouldn't really act softer or more loving towards you unless it was only the two of you alone and would react largely the same in groups in efforts to keep a low profile or to prevent others from getting suspicious

Daniel, Semi-Lucid

Even though he's not the most out of his mind is in love with you at first. It mostly resulted on account of a particularly harsh rejection, which would cause Daniel to lose his mind and do something regrettable.

Moreover, Daniel would absolutely be more prone to insecurity or jealousy regarding your relationship with others. This is going to remain the same whether you tell him you love him back or not. It's something so deeply ingrained in his persona he's long since lost the ability to control this.

The kind of person to very quickly catch himself nearly losing his mind falling in love with someone he's only recently met. It's almost animalistic of him to pounce on this person before they potentially leave him or are taken by another. Heavily relies on you to help him to maintain his self-control and leave him feeling assured, so he isn't provoked to do something rash. Daniel isn't afraid to show you how dangerous he is and what he's capable of, even if this runs the risk of frightening you.

Lucid

Nines, Lucid

Genuinely has the most transparent grasp on reality when compared to his fellow yanderes. Not that interesting but, consider this means Nines is likely aware you don't actually love him back, and acting in such a hostile manner isn't helping.

It sounds rather paradoxical. Why would someone act in a way they know won't actually bring them and their loved any closer together? Perhaps Nines only gets so lethal to ensure no one gets close to you is because he sees himself as your guardian angel. This is tough love keeping other people away from you.

Despite how much Nines believes he's in the right here, he still would likely try to hide his actions from you. At least acknowledging that if you find a reason to fear him, you might report his behavior or distance yourself in some other way. Given his spot was track record, though, it wouldn't be difficult for 9 to brush off suspicions as false.

All things considered though, even Ninesmight slip up every now and then and finds his cool exterior slipping as he fails to maintain control of a situation if something were to really trigger his jealousy or give him a reason to cause harm.

Selfish

Zlatko, Selfish

Unlike most other yanderes who would identify love or infatuation as a real key to the relationship, Zlatko is more the type to want to keep you forever by his side and locked away within his abode because of a feeling of interest.

Not at all dissimilar to the way a scientist would fix it compulsively over their test subject or a painter over their muse, Zlatko finds a sick and almost perverse inspiration to you. The kind of fascination which makes him want to test on you to keep everything about you to himself.

He may not identify the connection between two of you as that of love, but it's wrong to say he feels no kind of fondness for you whatsoever. It's just that he has a questionable way of showing it. And the most important thing which has Zlatko pegged as a selfish type is his inability to care for your needs.

The idea of letting you go free or ever return to normal life is virtually impossible for him to imagine. Without you forever in his possession, Zlatko couldn't imagine living in such an unsatisfying home.

Gavin, Selfish

To be entirely honest, it's tough to imagine a sadistic kind of yandere anywhere but here in the ranking. When it comes to Gavin, the type of sadist who derives such a primal satisfaction in your misery. Nowhere but here is fitting.

One of the only people who likely wouldn't be deterred in the slightest that you don't actually like him back. Why should he care? It's not like you have any kind of power in the relationship anyway. So long as you know who belong to, that was all the affirmation he needed. While he's not exactly a control freak or anything like that, Gavin undeniably wants from you in a relationship is the feeling that you are powerless to save yourself while under his control.

Almost like he wants other people to try and get involved. That way, he'll have an excuse to entirely lose it on another person, of course, he wouldn't feel any remorse for this and on account of his cruel nature. 

Selfless

Kara, selfless

Yep, that's right guys, you never would have guessed! But the Android programmed to act as a motherly figure to those she serves is the most likely of the yanderes to hyper fixate your well-being.

Overprotective to a fault, Kara really would do whatever she could to keep you happy and safe while in her care. So much so that you might not even know she holds any feelings of romantic affection towards you at all. Really thinking her love ends with your physical well-being.

The tip-off that causes you to think there might be more on her mind than just keeping you safe is Kara's distrust whenever you choose to spend time with other people over her. You do your best to explain to her that there's no reason to be suspicious, but still, something's not right with her.

But Kara does know it's probably for your best if she allows you to keep in contact with other people. However, the one thing that she won't allow is for you to think any of these people are more important than her or could ever replace her.

Luther, Selfless

This reflects a rather tragic aspect of who Luther is as a person deep down, rather than the choices he would make as a yandere in all honesty. Mostly because Luther has only known selfless unforgiving relationships with those around him, rather than ones of mutual love.

He no doubt would dream about one day, as far away as that might be, finding a beautiful idyllic relationship with you. But it feels almost too good to be true. There would be a part of Luther nearly too afraid to even dream of this, the rejection would simply hurt too much. Leaving him with almost unimaginable pain.

In the meantime, though, Luther would be more than happy to share a relationship with you, which is more discreet, but still, just as emotional. It would be a little difficult for someone as inexperienced as Luther to express his affections naturally. But this would likely manifest in him doing his best to be as gentle around you as possible, and giving you no plausible reason to fear him.

It would be much more difficult for him to remain so sweet and softspoken around any of your friends and family you wish to keep in your life though. So that maybe something you want to keep in mind here.

(Hi editing max here! I literally finished writing and editing this only to realize AFTER the fact I forgot to add Simon to this list, so consider this just a first draft, and when I go through with a second edit I’ll add him in as well. Thank you for reading, please follow this account I was unfairly terminated at 1.1k and now I’m starting back from scratch. :,))

[tasteslikepepsicola]

Somebody Else (Sodapop Curtis x Reader Part 2)

Part One - please read first!

Y/N confronts the boys about what each of their relationships with her mean to them. A party at Buck’s is sure to cause drama when Y/N shows up with one of them, and the other proceeds to get drunk out of their mind, becoming Y/N’s responsibility.

Word Count: 4800+

Warnings: drinking, slight angst (not really)

Authors Note: Hey guys! Hope you all enjoyed part one, and heres part 2! I hope to have part 3 up within a week. I am not sure how much longer this story will continue, but I do not believe it will extend over 5 parts. Please like, share, and follow! Your support means the world <3 

As Y/N approached the D.X, her heart thumped. She could see Sodapop working on a car inside the garage. However, Steve wasn’t in sight. She watched the movie star handsome boy wipe a bit of sweat from his brow, and pause to take a sip of water.  As she came closer, he finally noticed her walking towards him.

“Hey, Pepsi-Cola” Y/N hummed sweetly. 

“Oh, hey, Y/N” He went back to working on the car, trying to look like he was concentrated on it, but Y/N could tell by the way he stared blankly at it, pretending to fidget with it, that he was just trying to seem uninterested in what she had to say.

“I’ve barely seen you the past three days,” she said.

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

“I tried calling... but um Darry and Ponyboy answered each time I called, you never seemed available. I even stopped by today hoping to see you, but um- your brothers told me you were at work so I-” she was abruptly cut off.

“Guess I figured you were too busy fooling around with Steve to want to see me.” He shrugs nonchalantly, but his words sting.

“Soda, it’s not like that, you and I both know that.” She takes a step closer to him, trying to reach out for his face, to rub off a smudge of dirt he got while working on the car. But he pulls away sharply.

“Really? Do I? Do I know that it’s not like that? Cause neither of you told me you cared for each other like, like- that until you got caught.” His anger fades and his voice breaks by the end of his sentence. His tone softens, “were you even going to tell me?”

“Soda, that was the only time Steve and I did something like that, I- I don’t even know why we did it. We didn’t even kiss. We just got caught up in the moment.” Y/N realizes how desperate she sounds for him to believe her, but she doesn’t care. “Please believe me…” her voice trails off.

Sodapop stands above the hood of the car he was working on, anger prevalent in the way his muscles are flexed from gripping the edge of the car so tightly. 

The desperation begins to leave her voice as Y/N becomes more frustrated, and it is replaced with indifference.

“I get that it was shitty to see your friends act so out of character, but it was one time, and there’s no reason for you to be reacting the way you are.” At those words, Sodapop breaks.

He slams the hood of the car shut aggressively, Y/N jumps back. The Sodapop she knew never acted like this. He runs his hands through his hair, tugging at it, he looks like he wants to punch something. He sighs, calming himself down. Finally, he makes eye contact with her with a softened expression.

“You’re right, okay? If you want to date Steve, that's fine. I don’t care. At all. Make out with him all you want.” He flails his arms around, exaggerating every gesture, like he often does when he's upset. “Just don’t do that shit in front of me, or in my house.”

“No, you don’t get to ignore me for three days because of one stupid decision and then pretend you’re okay with it because its easier than dealing with the truth.”

He laughs sarcastically. “Oh so now there’s some whole big hidden meaning behind why I’m upset that my two best friends betrayed me?”

Y/N stands there silent for a minute. Could she be wrong? Did she misinterpret what Darry and Pony had said? No, Soda has to be jealous, that's the only explanation. But what if she's wrong? What if she only believed it so easily because she wanted it to be true?

Softly, she asks, “isn’t there?”

He looks away from her, and down at the ground. “No, there isn’t.” He replies.

Y/N could feel her heart drop in that moment. She hadn’t even realized how much she had wanted it to be true, how much she wanted Sodapop to care about her the way she always cared about him. 

“Fine.” is all she says as she walks away from him, and through the doors of the D.X. Regardless of the hurt she may be feeling, she still owed someone else an explanation.

Above her head, the small chime of a bell rang, alerting the cashier of her presence. Another young teenage greaser stands at the cash register, mindlessly flipping through a magazine that looked to be about cars. He’s tall, with slicked back, thick black hair. He almost looked like Steve, but tanner and with chocolate eyes different from Steve's signature green. 

Y/N walks right up to the boy, as he chomps on a piece of gum obnoxiously, eyeing her up and down. 

“What's cookin’ good lookin’?”

Ugh, he did not seriously just use the cheesiest pick up line I’ve ever heard. Y/N sighed, rolled her eyes, and crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly a little self conscious.

“Is Steve here?” she asked, fed up.

The greaser boy smirked at her. “So you’re Y/N?” he let out a low whistle. “You’re even prettier than I imagined. And trust me, he was talking about you a lot, so I thought I had a good idea. Anyways how did a girl like you end up with someone li-” he was interrupted by a flustered Steve running out of the stock room. 

“Y/N!” he forces a smile. “I see you’ve met my friend Jess,” he slaps Jess on the back, a little too hard to be considered friendly. 

Jess turns to look at Steve, casually, then points back at Y/N, “Your girlfriend is here.” He says smugly.

Steve and Y/N both immediately rush to explain, speaking at the same time.

“Woah woah woah buddy you are way off base. We are not dating. Nope”

“She is not my girlfriend, okay? We’re just friends.”

Jess lets out a small laugh, ignoring their claims, and heading back to the cash register. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say. But um, if you’re not dating then, does that mean you might wanna catch a movie sometime Y/N.” He nods in her direction, flashing a smile.

Steve defensively puts an arm around Y/N. “Yeah, nope. That’s not happening on my watch.” He replies.

“Relax Steve-o, I’m just messin with ya.” Jess winks at Y/N, causing Steve to glare back at him. 

Quickly, Steve checks his watch, then smiles. “I’ve still got fifteen minutes left of my break. Y/N, take a walk with me?” he offers.

“Sure,” she accepts.

Jess returns to flipping through the pages of his magazine, as Steve and Y/N walk out of the convenience store, past the garage, and down the road they had walked so many times before. It almost felt like old times, Y/N reminisced about a time when she, Steve, and Sodapop would all walk to the D.X and she would sit at a short distance watching them fixing up cars. Y/N would never admit she actually found it kind of boring, but she appreciated any time she could spend with her friends, since their schedules were already so packed. She also knew the days she would watch them at work they were always happier, having a little more distraction and just slightly more fun. And, if she was being truly honest, she had always loved the way Sodapop looked when he was really into something he was doing, it was one of the only times she ever saw him have a passion. He was a dropout, there weren’t many options for a guy like him. And he needed to provide for his family, he didn’t have time to pursue his interests. But cars, well they seemed to genuinely bring him excitement and joy. And for that, Y/N was so grateful.

“So,” Steve starts, unsure of what to say next. “I guess we should talk about what, um, ya know, happened that night with the gang.”

Y/N nods, knowing he didn’t know how to continue. Instead of watching him struggle to find the words, she prompted him, “Well, what did it feel like to you? Was it just fooling around, or did it mean something?” Y/N asks, unsure of which answer she would rather hear.

“Honestly, I could stand here and lie to you and say I didn’t feel anything, but I just can’t anymore. I- I didn’t know I felt the way I did about you. But then you were just, there, in my arms. And your skin is so soft, and your hair smells like flowers, and um-” he pauses, blushing. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I care about you. But also, if you don’t feel that way about me, we can just pretend this never happened. It’s not like I’m in love with you or anything but-”

“Steve?” she cuts him off, smiling up at him.

“Hmm?” he hums.

Suddenly, something comes over Y/N, she doesn’t owe anyone anything. Sodapop has made it clear how she feels about her, and she might have a real chance at happiness with Steve.

“Can I just, um try something?” she says, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Uh, sure.” he replies, unsure.

Y/N tries to steady her breathing, before wrapping her arms around Steve’s neck, standing on her tiptoes to reach him, and leaning in to kiss him. He meets her halfway, and before either of them fully understand what they’re doing, the two of them are kissing. Y/N feels warm, and safe, and comforted, like Dally pulling her into his lap with a blanket, or Darry holding her while she cries because she had another horrible fight with her family. It’s like how Ponyboy always listens to her no matter how frivolous her topic of conversations seem. It’s like how Two-Bit never fails to put a smile on her face. It’s how Johnny always gives up his jacket when she says she's cold. It’s almost like the butterflies she feels in her stomach when Sodapop says her name.

When they finally pull away, they are both smiling at each other. 

“Wow,” is all Steve says.

“Yeah,” is all Y/N can add.

“Alright, I know this is all new and I don’t wanna scare you off, or think I’m trying to be exclusive all at once but um- do you wanna come to this party with me Friday? It’s at Bucks which I know isn’t your usual scene, but most of the gang will be there and, I don’t know, I’d love to have you there with me.”

Y/N kisses him on the cheek swiftly, “I’ll be there.”

“I’ll pick you up at eight?” he beams.

“It’s a date.” she replies.

*****

Friday came sooner than Y/N could have ever expected. A thousand nervous thoughts ran through her head. But truthfully, what did she have to be afraid of? It was still Steve, and she was still Y/N. They would always be best friends above all. 

All her attempts to reassure herself were equally matched with the nagging thought, would Sodapop be there? But no, she was just being paranoid. She knew as well as everyone that Soda was not the partier type. He never touched a drop of alcohol, he always talked about getting drunk off life instead. Y/N finally managed to push her thoughts away from Sodapop so she could focus on getting ready for the night.

She settled on a simple white flowy sundress that fell just above her knees. She let her hair do its natural beach wave type-of-thing, and used a few bobby pins to make it look a little more intricate. She kept her makeup light and natural, as always, with just a bit more mascara and a lip gloss with a peachy tint.

Once she was done, she looked in the mirror and was reminded of how good it felt to dress up a little from time to time. She had always been relatively girly, and although she certainly doesn’t wear flannels and boots everyday, she still had to stick to some form of the greaser look. But tonight, it looked like she could party with the Soc’s any night. Y/N loved the look, hated the actual concept of a Soc party. Although she doesn’t go out much, when she does, she would much rather be with her own people.

Y/N checked the clock across her room, and noticed it was now 7:58 p.m, meaning Steve would be here any minute. She has just enough time to apply a dash of her signature perfume, before there's a knock at the door. Luckily enough for both her and Steve, her parents weren’t home, so they didn’t have to face any interrogation about where they’re going and when they’ll be back.

When she opened the door, she could have sworn she saw Steve’s eyes bulge out of his head.

“Y/N, you look...incredible.” He barely manages to get the words out.

She giggles, cheeks heating. “Thank you, so do you.”

The two of them stand there staring at each other for a moment.

“Uh, Steve? Shouldn’t we be going now?” Y/N inquires.

A second passes before he seems to return to reality. “Oh yeah, of course. Sorry, it’s just- you look really beautiful.”

Y/N smiles at the ground for a second, before replying. “Okay, smooth guy. Let’s get going now.” She loops her arm through his as he escorted her to the car.

*****

When they enter the house, the smell of alcohol and cigarettes fills the air. Loud music is playing, it seems a couple card games are already going on, and the night is just starting.

The couple immediately sees Dallas and Two-Bit and makes their way across the room to them. 

“Guys! You made it!” Two-Bit exclaims.

“And...together?” Dally questions.

“Well, I mean, we’re here together, but we’re not together.” Y/N tries to explain.

“Ahh, and how does Romeo feel about Mercutio stealing his Juliet?” Dallas quips.

Y/N is stunned for a second, “Wow, since when does Dallas Winston reference Shakespeare?” she asks.

“Since I heard Ponyboy use that exact same phrase an hour ago and he had to explain to me what it meant. I’d figure you’d get it Y/N.” He laughs.

“Oh, trust me, Romeo and Juliet is my favorite Shakespearean tragedy, but I still don’t get what you’re meaning to relate it to.” Y/N added.

Steve let out a nervous laugh, before placing his hand in the small of Y/N’s back. “How about you and I go grab a drink, Y/N?” Steve suggests while leading them off. “Catch up with you later guys!” He shouts, already halfway across the room.

For another hour or two, Y/N tried to let loose, she had a couple drinks and danced with Steve. She was having a great time, no doubt. But she still couldn’t push Dally’s words out of her mind. He was quoting Pony? About Steve and Y/N… The whole situation was messy and she was trying to piece it together as she sat at an empty table watching Steve play a game of pool from a short distance.

And all of a sudden, from across the room, none other than the handsome greaser who she had been trying to push from her mind all night walks through the door. Sodapop Curtis is at one of Bucks crazy parties. But why? And then it clicks all at once. Ponyboy must have been trying to say that, well, if Y/N is Juliet, Steve is Mercutio, that means...Soda is supposed to be Romeo? But in some messed up version where Juliet is at a party with Mercutio, and kissing him, and making out with him during movies with Romeo just feet away. 

Y/N felt light headed, trying to process where she was and what she was doing. Sodapop told her there was no hidden meaning behind his passive aggressiveness. He assured her he was just mad because he was shocked, because it could break up their friendships. He practically told her he wasn’t jealous. He couldn’t be Romeo, he couldn’t feel that way about Y/N. Ponyboy must have been severely misinformed.

Before he can catch her staring, Y/N pulls her gaze away from Soda, instead opting to grab onto Steves hand, and leading him onto the dance floor once again. She can feel his eyes on them as they dance, his burning gaze that he had no right to be plaguing her with. Maybe it was the liquid courage, but Y/N thought to herself, fine, if he wants to stare, might as well give him something to stare at.

Just then, she pulls Steve close to her again, crashing her lips on his, while they continue to sway to the music. When they finally come up for air again, Sodapop is nowhere in sight. 

“What was that for?” Steve grins.

“You just look so darn cute when you dance,” she replies, pecking him on the cheek. 

Another hour or so passes by, and the party is in full swing. But Y/N has yet to see Sodapop since he first walked in.

“You know, I’m gonna go grab another drink, you want anything?” She asks Steve.

“I’m alright, thanks though.” he replies.

She swiftly saunters off, pushing through the crowds of people, scanning their faces for an all too familiar one.

After a few minutes of wandering, and almost completing a whole lap around the party, Y/N is about to give up. Remembering she was supposed to come back with a fresh drink in hand, she makes her way into the kitchen. Of course, in the comical mess that was Y/N’s life, a very intoxicated Sodapop was standing next to Jess as he handed out drinks. Y/N cautiously approached the pair.

“Y/N! Steve actually managed to convince you to come?” Jess joked.

She let out an uneasy laugh, “yeah, I guess he did.”

Sodapop completely avoids Y/N’s eyeline, huffing at the mention of Steve.

“So what can I get you?” Jess asks. 

“Just another…” Y/N pauses, lifting up her drink to inspect it. “Whatever this is?” she replies unsure, giggling a little.

“Coming right up, beautiful!” he replies, before ducking deeper into the kitchen to retrieve the drink, leaving Y/N and Soda alone together, for the first time in days.

The silence is practically unbearable, so Y/N decides to be the first to end it. She takes a seat at the table next to Sodapop. Around them, people dance, sing, kiss, scream, and fight. But not here. Here, at this remote island Y/N finds herself stuck on, it’s just her and Sodapop, not knowing what to say.

“Hey,” she begins with.

He rolls his eyes over to meet hers, over exaggerated annoyance apparent on his face. “Hello, Y/N.” he states. 

“How have you been?” she questions.

“Grand.” he says sharply, crossing his arms over his chest.

Y/N puffs out her cheeks, lost for words. She’s about to go find Jess and head back to Steve, and she even stands up to leave before she feels Sodapop reaching for her.

“Wait...don’t leave.” he slurs out. 

She sighs, but ultimately sits back down.

“I’m sorry I’ve been like this, the past few daysss.” he extends the last word, sounding barely awake. 

Y/N says nothing, waiting for an explanation. 

He realizes she isn’t just brushing him off and he continues. “I- I just don’t like-” he pauses, tilts his head back, and scrunches his eyes shut for half a second before quickly continuing. “I don’t like seeing you and Steve together. All in my-” he gestures his hands around his head. “all in my face.” he finishes.

Y/N bites her lip, not knowing what to say next. He eagerly awaits her response.

“I know, Pepsi-Cola, and I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you earlier.” she apologizes.

He lets out a sharp laugh. “That's ironic isn’t it?” he stares down at the table, seemingly not focused on anything.

Y/N feels her brows knit together like they do when she’s confused.

“What do you mean?” she asks.

Suddenly, Sodapop looks stone cold sober. “It just didn’t matter to him at all did it?” he says.

Now, Y/N is more confused than she was before they started talking. She wasn’t even sure how that could be possible.

“What didn’t?” she pushes for an answer.

“I’ve been in love with you since the seventh grade, and he still took you from me, like it- like my feelings, our friendship- like it meant nothing.”

Y/N’s heart sinks. Her head whirls. Her breathing halts. The world stops spinning, just for that moment. That moment where Sodapop said he loved Y/N. Loved...loves? She tried to replay what his exact words were, but her brain couldn’t produce a coherent thought.

“You’re drunk, Sodapop.” is all she can say.

“In fact I am, Y/N.” he replies.

Just then, Jess reappears, a drink in hand. He places it in front of Y/N proudly.

“Thanks, but I actually don’t think I’m gonna need it. I really think I should bring Soda home.” Y/N places her hand over Sodapop’s forehead, who looks like hes about to be sick. 

“What do you mean? The party’s just starting! It’s barely past midnight- and I haven’t even gotten to show off my impeccable dance moves to you yet.” he jokes.

Y/N keeps a hand against Sodapop’s cheek. He wraps his arms around her waist, as she is now standing while he remains seated. She messes up his hair a little, affectionately. 

“While that is quite tempting, this dumby here is kinda my best friend. And he’s pretty much the biggest light weight you’ll ever meet.” She says, helping Soda rise to his feet. He slings his arm around her for balance. “So with that being said, if you could do me a favor? Tell Steve something came up and that um- I had a great time. And to call me when he gets home so I know he got back safe.” She smiles at Jess, about to leave before turning around and adding, “And if you wouldn’t mention that I left with Soda?” she says barely above a whisper.

“Your secret is safe with me.” He winks at Y/N, before heading back to serve more drinks.

When they had finally made their way out of the party, they began the short walk across town, to the Curtis house. 

*****

Wow, that walk takes a lot longer when you’re dragging your drunk buddy behind you the whole time. Y/N notes. Darry and Ponyboy are both fast asleep by now, so quietly she sneaks Sodapop into the kitchen. 

She manages to get him to sit at the counter without breaking anything in their path. She quickly grabs a glass from the cabinet, fills it with water, and leaves the room for a moment, before returning with a couple aspirin in hand.

“Take these.” She hands them to Sodapop, watching as he swallows them to make sure he does. “And drink all of this.” She taps the glass.

He smiles at her, amused.

She can’t help but feel her face slightly light up at his sudden cheerfulness. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asks.

“Cause you love me,” he hums.

Y/N’s heart races, but she attempts to remain composed.

“Of course I do, you’re my best friend.” she reasons.

“No, not like that Y/N. Never like that. Okay? We’re more than that. I love you. You see?” His motions still indicate he’s intoxicated, but not quite as heavily as he previously was. 

Y/N pours herself a glass of water, too, and stands across the kitchen from him, leaning against the counter. 

“You don’t know what you’re saying, Sodapop.” Y/N mentions.

He smiles obliviously, before shouting as loud as he can, “I love you Y/F/N! I am in love with you!” She immediately rushes over to him. Clasping a hand over his mouth. 

“Oh my god Sodapop, what are you thinking? Are you trying to get us killed? In about two seconds Darry is gonna run in here and he’s going to see that you are drunk and then-”

Sodapop grabs Y/N, pulling her into his lap. Y/N removes her hand from his mouth, in shock by his blatant neediness. 

“Why don’t you just kiss me already, Y/N?” he whispers to her. At this point, her heart is racing so fast, that Y/N is sure he can hear it beat. And as much as she wants to, she can’t do this.

“No Soda, come on, not like this. We’re better than this. If we’re gonna do this, our first kiss will not be in your kitchen at one A.M when we are both drunk.” She kisses his temple lightly, before standing up and offering him her hand. He takes it half-heartedly as she leads him to bed.

“So you’re saying you’ve thought about it then? And want it to be special?” he inquires.

Y/N rolls her eyes and giggles. “I didn’t say that Pepsi-Cola.”

“Well I’ve thought about it. A lot. More than I should possibly.” When he says this, Y/N swears she’s died and gone to heaven. Or that she must be dreaming. 

Finally, they reach Ponyboy and Sodapop’s shared bedroom. Pony is sound asleep, somehow, despite Sodapop’s previous screaming. 

“Okay,  smooth guy, let's get you to bed.” It isn’t until the words leave her mouth that she recalls how she used the exact same nickname earlier in the night, to her date, Steve. A wave of guilt comes crashing over her. She tries to brush it off, and focus on the task at hand.

Sodapop struggles to take off his shirt, so Y/N helps him, while he manages to take off his belt and jeans. Standing there in just his underwear, Y/N tosses him a shirt she grabbed from his dresser. He quickly puts it on.

“Turn around, I need to get dressed too.” she states. Sodapop obliges, quickly turning around. And then there is silence as Y/N reaches behind her to try to unzip her own dress. Even in his drunken haze, with his back turned to her, Sodapop knows she's struggling.

“Uh- do you need help?” he asks innocently.

She sighs, “Actually, yes.” Y/N replies.

Finally, Sodapop stands behind her as she holds her hair up and away from the zipper. He is extremely cautious as he unzips the tight dress, and it falls off her body, and to the floor softly. For that brief moment, there was a shared intimacy between them- the tension was so much. It was almost like, Y/N could have just turned around and kissed him. Well, she could have. But it wasn’t right. Not yet. They had waited years for their time, it certainly wasn’t right now.

Sodapop’s cheeks turned a bright red, flushed, and he quickly turned around to hide this from Y/N. She threw on one of his oversized shirts, and noted that it smelled so much like him and found comfort in that. She taps him on the shoulder, “you can turn around now.” she adds.

“Oh,” they face each other once more.

“Let's get you to bed Pepsi-Cola.”

And then, shes at his bed side. Guiding him under the covers, leaving a glass of water on his nightstand. And wanting nothing more than to stay there with him, possibly forever.

She kisses him on the cheek, “goodnight, Sodapop.”

“Why do you always sleep on the couch, there’s enough room for two people in the bed.” he yawns through his question.

“There's already two people in the bed silly,” she glances at Ponyboy, who remains sleeping.

“I guess that's a valid point…” he mumbles. “Have I mentioned that I love you?” he responds.

“A couple times.” She kisses him on the nose. “Now goodnight, for real, Pepsi-”

“Do you love me Y/N?” he asks with pleading eyes.

Maybe it was because she just wanted to go to bed, or maybe it was the alcohol, or even because deep down she knew it was the truth, but Y/N responds, “Of course I do, Sodapop, I always have, I always will.”

“Always?” he asks.

“Always.” she repeats, before closing his door, and heading to the couch for an inevitable restless night's sleep.

[gretagerwigcollection]

One Scene, 42 Takes and 2 Hours in a Bathroom Stall

By Greta Gerwig 

May 9, 2013

Scene 63. INT. BATHROOM. NIGHT.

Frances and Sophie inside a stall together.

FRANCES: I was lying. I don’t love Patch.

SOPHIE: I do love him.

FRANCES: Since when? When did this happen?

SOPHIE: It’s been happening.

FRANCES: That’s [expletive] [expletive]. Sophie, COME ON!

SOPHIE: No, you’re [expletive]. And you’re making me feel really bad right now.

FRANCES: I want to love him if you love him, but you don’t love him.

SOPHIE: I DO.

FRANCES: (tearing up) Sophie! I [expletive] held your head when you cried. I bought special milk for you. I know where you hide your pills. Do not treat me like a three-hour-brunch friend.

SOPHIE: I’m not talking to you while you’re like this.

She turns away. Frances hits the wall close to Sophie’s head. It’s violent and kind of scary.

In the film “Frances Ha,” Scene 63 is 28 seconds long. We did 42 takes in total, two hours of shooting in a bathroom with no breaks or pauses other than for direction and blocking. In 50 days of shooting, we averaged around 35 takes per scene. Most independent films shoot in 25 days with, at most, 10 takes per scene.

A take, in this case, refers to the entirety of the above printed text, acted from beginning to end. Meaning that Mickey Sumner, playing Sophie, and I, playing Frances, said those words and performed those actions 42 times in a row. The scene had to play “in one,” a take in its entirety, with no edits. The take is the scene. Noah Baumbach, the director and my co-writer, was going to have to pick only one of those 42 takes for the final film.

To write this essay, I went back to the editing room and watched all 42 takes. I also read the script supervisor’s notes, which include Noah’s opinions of each performance. Using the footage, the notes and my memory of the day of shooting, I created the following take journal.

Take 1 (2:04 p.m.): The first one. Not great, but not bad. The first go-round always has an adrenaline to it that is thrilling and unwieldy. There is a pride in simply getting through it, saying everything pretty well correctly and not melting into the ground with embarrassment for all the acting that we are doing.

Take 2 (2:08 p.m.): Because the first take went fairly well, I immediately become cocky and start overplaying it. I’m acting toodrunk. It’s whiny and high-pitched, and for some reason I’m leaning over the sink in a way that makes me look like a hunchback.

Take 3 (2:13 p.m.): Now I swing too far in the other direction and pitch my voice a lot lower. It sounds fake, as if I’m trying to sound important. Frances’ rhythms are more fleet and funny. I touch Mickey too much, it’s too aggressive. She flinches, and she’s right to, because what I’m doing is weird.

Take 4 (2:16 p.m.): I know I’m doing the scene badly, but I can’t figure out how to do it well. Usually by Take 4 something has settled, but not this time. I do a weird line reading just to change it up. That surprises me midperformance, and then I mess up my next line — I say “three-hour-lunch friend” instead of “three-hour-brunch friend.” I apologize immediately after Noah calls, “Cut!” Little words count.

Take 5 (2:20 p.m.): Still hunched over. Less angry, more sad. I’m probably just sad for myself, which is a terrible trap for an actor to fall into. I can tell that Noah is not thrilled with what we’re getting. He hasn’t said anything yet — no “Good take” or “Mark that one” to let me know that I’m on the right track.

Take 6 (2:22 p.m.): Slow. REALLY slow. I try to straighten up! Well done! The crazy-anger is all gone, which is good, but it doesn’t have any energy. By the end of the scene, I’m back to hunching.

Take 7 (2:24 p.m.): For some reason I totally lose my lines. I trip over my tongue. I get very angry with myself and slam the wall next to Mickey’s head too hard at the end of the scene. She lets out a gasp ­ — I’m frightening her.

Take 8 (2:27 p.m.): Because I am playing the scene angrier, Mickey is fighting back harder. A very strong “I DO” from her. I hit the wall quite violently. Mickey starts crying.

Take 9 (2:30 p.m.): I am upsetting Mickey too much — it’s hard for her (or for anyone in that position) to come down from so much emotion and reset and do the scene again. Now she looks upset throughout the entire scene, not just at the end. Sophie is stronger than this, more justifiably angry with Frances than frightened by her. I’m not doing my job as a scene partner.

Take 10 (2:32 p.m.): We start, but then I immediately stop the scene. “Sorry, sorry for this,” I say. I hate breaking a take. But I have a question. Writing a script does not necessarily mean you understand it as an actor. Noah and I talk about Frances’ sincerity. Me: “When I say, ‘Since when,’ am I serious about that?” Noah: “Yes, but it’s not like you really want to know.” Me: “Right, right, let’s go again.”

Take 11 (2:36 p.m.): Calmer energy. Too calm. It’s death for the scene. It’s clearer though, less drunk. At the end, I get a “Want to run it again right away?” from Noah. Nothing else, just “Run it again.” This angers me. I want praise. We do another one right away while the camera is rolling. It’s better, less forced. He was right.

Take 12 (2:38 p.m.): Now I’m underacting deliberately. But it feels more specific. I’m building it from the inside out, trying to wait for it instead of flinging myself in one direction or another.

Take 13 (2:41 p.m.): I start and stop. It’s a dud.

Take 14 (2:44 p.m.): It’s beginning to take shape. The rhythm is kicking in. Mickey is a rock, hitting it perfectly every single time. Acting against someone who has the showier moment is always difficult, but she’s nailing it.

Take 15 (2:47 p.m.): I’m still leaning over — why am I doing that? I laugh through the scene, which seems like an interesting choice, but as soon as the take is over, Noah says, “I think that you’re fed up with her already, so don’t laugh.” I nod and say, “O.K., right, it’s not funny.” I am taking in his direction now. Acting is not simply performing but being in a state of pliable awareness, like hot metal — all possibility and softness in something that is inherently strong.

Take 16 (2:50 p.m.): This is the first take for which there are any script notes. It reads simply, “Good.” This means that after the take, Noah leaned over to the script supervisor and said, “That was a good one.” First genuinely good take, and we’re almost an hour into it.

Take 17 (2:52 p.m.): Another “Good” in the script notes. We’re on a roll! When a scene starts working, it feels as if every choice you make is the right one. It’s getting into a zone where each take can be wildly different, but it all feels true. Frances is the right mix of drunk, angry and self-righteous, while Sophie is simultaneously over Frances’ antics and infuriated by them.

Take 18 (2:55 p.m.): The notes read, “Blocking changed.” Thank God! After 18 takes, I finally stop leaning over in a death hunch. We’ve changed my action so that I’m turning off the water and drying off my hands as we start. The scene is instantly better.

Take 19 (2:58 p.m.): The acting is good, but there are weird sounds of doors opening somewhere in the club outside, which messes up the audio.

Take 20 (3:02 p.m.): I’m making a meal out of drying my hands with the paper towel. I am drying them too vigorously, enjoying having a prop far too much. It has become a crutch.

Take 21 (3:05 p.m.): I’m not paying enough attention to Mickey, which is a bad choice. The only way to make a scene work is with the other actor, and the minute I start thinking about myself more than them, I am sunk.

Take 22 (3:09 p.m.): Another “Good” in the script notes. My performance is finally clean and focused, and Mickey is great as always.

Take 23 (3:12 p.m.): Because I’m washing my hands every single time at the top of the scene, my fingers have started to pucker. But it’s a good action, so I keep washing.

Take 24 (3:15 p.m.): I overarticulate some of the words. I emphasize the “me” too much in the way I say “Don’t treat me like a three-hour-brunch friend.” It makes it sound as if there is someone we’ve just been interacting with who is the three-hour-brunch friend.

Take 25 (3:17 p.m.): The take is pretty good, but as soon as Noah calls, “Cut,” Mickey says, “I was waiting for it, sorry.” Meaning she braced for my wall hit before I did it. It is difficult to keep the surprise of the moment alive.

Take 26 (3:20 p.m.): It’s a good one, but when it ends, I don’t hear anything positive. I react and say with a slightly hard voice, “Was that a good one?” Noah says, “Let’s try another.” I close my eyes and try to focus on the next one.

Take 27 (3:21 p.m.): Script notes read, “Good.” Victory! I didn’t get derailed by my wanting and not getting praise.

Take 28 (3:24 p.m.): Another good one for Mickey and me, but the hit at the end is kind of strange. It doesn’t quite land right, making the moment seem awkward and airless.

Take 29 (3:26 p.m.): It all works. The characters are there, not the actors struggling. After we finish it, Mickey cries, which is not quite the scripted reaction, but it she resets easily.

Take 30 (3:29 p.m.): I start the scene and then stop myself. Noah says, “That was good, though, a good beginning.” I am angry at myself. I start over. I totally flub the lines but stumble through it. Sometimes when I do a great take or have a great moment, I scare myself back into mediocrity. As if it’s too frightening to actually find something that works, because I lose myself inside the moment and my conscious mind wants to pull me back into something more familiar but more banal. I see this happen to other actors all the time, too. Fully swimming in a character and a scene can be terrifying.

Take 31 (3:31 p.m.): Script notes read, “Good.” I’ve calmed down, I’m not as freaked out. Back into being in control but also out of control enough to make it interesting.

Take 32. (3:34 p.m.): We start, and it’s going fairly well, but the camera “rolls out,” and they have to change the memory card.

Take 33 (3:37 p.m.): Another “Good.” It is good: I’m there for Mickey, and she’s there for me.

Take 34 (3:40 p.m.): Inverted a word here. I say, “I bought you special milk,” instead of “I bought special milk for you.” It is a small thing, but it messed with the pace of the line.

Take 35 (3:42 p.m.): This take is pretty good, but I’m getting tired, I can tell.

Take 36 (3:45 p.m.): Mickey says, “I do,” really strong and angrily. She is a workhorse, indefatigable. It feels as if we might have gotten the scene already. We unconsciously start to wind down.

Take 37 (3:47 p.m.): Noah stops us in the middle of the take; I don’t know why exactly. We do it again. Because this happens a lot, a stop and a start over, the take count doesn’t reflect how many times we actually do it. Often we do it more times than recorded.

Take 38 (3:49 p.m.): There is a way-too-long pause in the middle. I apologize right away at the end of the take. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry everyone.” I am suddenly reminded of our crew. The cinematographer, the focus puller and the sound woman who have all been cramped in this bathroom with us. Actors are allowed to screw up much more than anyone else on a set.

Take 39 (3:53 p.m.): Script notes read, “Good.” The trajectory of filming a scene: at the beginning, it’s all emotion; in the middle, it’s all ideas; then for a brief moment between the middle and the end, it’s quite good; but at the very end, the actors get annoyed, because we believe that we’ve already delivered, and why are we still doing this?

Take 40 (3:55 p.m.): Script notes: “Very good.” Despite ourselves it has become better. I look to Noah like, Are we done? He says, “Let’s try another.” I sigh. I want it to be over.

Take 41 (3:57 p.m.): After the end of this take, Noah says, “Good, I think we’ve got it.” Me: “Really?” Noah: “Yes.” Me: “I mean, are you sure?” Noah: “Yes.” Me: “Mickey, do you want to . . . maybe let’s just do one more?” Mickey nods. Noah: “O.K., one more time.” Even though a second earlier, all I wanted was to be free of this scene, now I cannot let it go. I have to try one more time.

Take 42 (4:01 p.m.): Script notes read, “Best take.” Always good to end on a high note. Noah: “That was great.” I look nervous still. Me: “Do you really think we have it?”

In the final cut of the film, Noah used Take 29.

A version of this article appears in print on May 12, 2013, on Page 54 of the Sunday Magazine with the headline: ‘I Know I’m Doing the Scene Badly, But I Can’t Figure Out How to Do It Well’.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Summer 2018 Anime Overview: Planet With

What a strange, unexpected little gem this show is.

Planet With follows an amnesiac young boy named Soya Kuroi who lives with strange roommates- an upbeat but mysterious girl named Ginko and giant cat monster ...thing. One day, a strange alien spaceship arrives where Soya lives and a squad of superheroes valiantly battle to protect the town from this threat. Ginko shows up and tells Soya he needs to jump in this giant cat robot and fight. No, not fight the invading aliens. He has to fight the superheroes.

Planet With starts out being jam-packed with plot and unabashedly weird and stays that way. The show moves at an absolutely breakneck pace. It stuffs 50 episodes worth of robot anime into twelve, and contains like three different climactic battles. There’s even a time skip. But the weird thing is...it works. Planet With is downright inspirational in its storytelling efficiency. It packs in so many characters and SO much happens, yet somehow it manages to use its time wisely enough that I ended up caring about pretty much all of its many characters and their development felt natural rather than forced. And despite the intensity and volume of events, the plot remained coherent and entertaining. 

There were a couple parts that did feel rushed, and since it was so much at once I feel like I need to rewatch to fully grasp the series, but most of all, I’m impressed by the way this show somehow distilled The Full Wacky Space Battle Anime Experience (tm) into a short time frame. And the animation is good! It is bold and action packed and works well for the show. 

And the quickness of how Planet With handled things made it downright refreshing (and hilarious) at times. I’ll give an example: Soya’s civilian friend (and obvious love interest), Nozomi, catches on extremely quickly to the fact he’s doing robot battles, basically guesses his entire backstory based off his weird behavior and just as quickly starts questioning him about it. Soya’s reaction to this is to freak out and run away- at which point Nozomi football tackles him and basically yells “NO ITS OKAY YOU CAN TRUST ME!” and he quickly gives in, explains his weird situation to her, and is like “uh. so. not sure if that sounds at all believable but. you asked.”

Not only is the honest communication nice to see, not only does it genuinely sell that Nozomi s the smart cookie the narrative has set her up to be, but its charming as hell and feels so natural to who these characters are. The fact Soya’s first reaction to being exposed is to just stammer and BOLT DOWN THE STREET reminds you that, yes, this is a teenager, and Nozomi’s refusal to let him get away and how she throws all dignity out the window to make her point is just....it gives me so much affection for them both. They’re kids and they’re ridiculous and I love them. Having Nozomi let in the loop so quickly is refreshing, it makes their relationship feel genuinely trusting and equal, there’s just a lot going on in just that one scene that I love.

Let’s talk about character a little more, because Planet With has a very vibrant cast. Soya comes off as a typical hotheaded shonen protagonist, and well, he is, but as you learn more about him and the situation he’s facing, you realize he’s trying his best to cope with some huge stuff. He has a good arc and matures a lot. What especially struck me is this moment where Soya realizes he has no reason to fight anymore, he’s just a kid who’s not involved, he shouldn’t be asked to do this, and though he’s been channeling his grief into fighting, he just can’t anymore, he’s tired and overwhelmed and sad. It’s nice to see the show touching on how unfair it is to ask a child to fight, and actually having the other characters react to this with understanding rather than trying to force him to continue is....really nice to see.

Each character has their own fears and insecurity to grapple with,which is especially apparent in the scenes where the spaceship messes with their minds and gives them the dream world they desire- a couple of those scenes are genuinely heartbreaking and striking.

Even the antagonists are given layers and its shown why they think what they’re doing is right. The show centers thematically on how to suppress and respond to violence and it explores various sides of that debate. Can humanity be trusted with power? Is extreme pacifism or extreme force the way to deal with problems? What is the value of revenge? Is freedom or safety more important? Can we forgive and move past horrible wrongs? You may not end up agreeing with the show’s conclusion on all this, but the fact it confronts these questions so directly and really gives them some thought is nice. You can see WHY this is a conflict, and where both sides are coming from.

The show also has a pretty good-sized and solid cast of female characters and doesn’t treat them like garbage! it actually gives a lot of them solid arcs where they develop and go through all kinds of different emotions, always a plus! 

Ginko may give a slight impression of being a airhead catgirlmaid cliche at first, but she soon shows herself to have wisdom and depth- her role in the narrative was one of the most pleasant surprises. She was way more involved in the fight than I thought she’d be and the found family she formed with Soya is one of the sweetest things about the show. 

Nozomi’s character development is largely tied up in her relationship to Soya, so I kinda wish she had stuff going on besides being his supporter, but I do adore how she was treated with respect by the narrative, bought in on things as a civilian, and how brave and smart and loyal she is. She’s inspiring to Soya with her kindness and inspiring in general. And their relationship is genuinely sweet.

There’s an entire mini-arc focusing on the bond between two of the superhero girls- Miu and Harumi- and it is very dramatic and very gay and very about ladies inspiring and connecting with and saving each other, y’know, all the stuff i’m here for. We also had Benika, a badass lady is a suit (always gets a thumbs up from me) who had her own arc, and a woman who was on the semi-antagonist side. The women are all treated as competent and capable in combat. 

The show is relatively mild on fanservice for a shonen-mech show and doesn’t get too gross or over-the top- probably the most noticeable scene is a conversation in a hot-tub, and even that doesn’t have ridiculous camera angles or anything. Mostly anything fanservice-y is goofy and tongue in cheek, rather than humiliating or non-consensual. The show actually has the honor of containing the only anime boob joke that’s actually made me laugh in recent memory (the over-the-top narration was on point). (There is one questionable element to warn for, namely an adult{?) woman briefly disguises herself as a high schooler and acts pretty flirtatiously with minors- thankfully it doesn’t go too far, but its something to watch out for.)

Planet With’s sense of humor and fun is just great in general. It deals with some serious and emotional topics, but never loses that whimsical, weird edge. It was clear from the beginning, when the super-threatening alien spaceship was some weird happy bear thing marked “peas”, that the show had a wonderfully bizarre and goofy atmosphere and it never loses that. Soya being endlessly foiled in his quest to eat some meat, the bizarre anthropomorphic animals, our heroes aggressively meowing as a battle cry- the show is so unapologetic in its weirdness and not afraid to embrace all the wonderful, colorful silliness inherent in its genre. 

Basically, if you like giant-robot shows or action shows or even weird cat and dog monsters, I really recommend this show. Its a fast-paced wild ride full of fun characters and colorful storytelling. It’s occasionally cheesy, often bizarre, a little dizzying and sometimes genuinely emotional- but it’s always an experience and I had a good time watching it.

[theory-talestelltalesss]

Seducers Ch. 4 [M]

Y/N is a siren who preys on sailors using her sweet songs. The catch is a curse is put amongst her species that if a man escapes her songs, she will die. Sailors usually lust for a woman’s touch arising from the long travels on sea, so it wasn’t hard for her. However, a smart young sailor named Kim Taehyung and his crew escapes an attack targeted on their ship. She follows them to no end, resisting her doomed fate, but finds herself in a complicated situation once she reaches the ship.

Pairing: Taehyung x reader

Characters: Sirens, rest of BTS

Genre: fantasy, fluff, smut, angst

Warnings: alcohol use, violence, blood talk, lots of dirty smut lolol (when I wrote this I didn’t mean for this to sound so girls vs. boys but it turned out that way, so I’m sorry if you get offended by this. It’s just the nature of the story and the historical myth that its based off of. I have no bad intentions whatsoever).

Chapters: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | - (Fic In Progress)

Chapter 4 (Not edited! Y/N’s unexpected visitor, fluff, Jungkook goes fucking crazy, fluff, We on a quest boysss, Y/N’s powers).

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Siren.” An impatient voice low and raspy calls for you.

Your heart races like a horse as you look at Taehyung topless on your bed with drips of blood down his back. It also catches your attention that the end of your bed are spotted with dribbles of his blood.

“W-Wait a minute! I’m uhhh...combing my hair!” Taehyung mouths a genuine ‘what the fuck?’ in your direction and you gesture for him to hide quickly.

“Combing your hair?”

“Y-yeah! It’s a...a private activity we sirens do!” you lie.

“....the fuck?” the voice mumbles to himself.

Taehyung grabs his shirt while mouthing a dozen ‘fuck’s’ in succession as he quietly crawls under your bed and scoops his boots with him. You try to comb out your long hair to the best of your ability and cover the spots of blood with your blanket before calling him in. The door opens slightly and you see Yoongi’s eyes peek through.

“Yoongi??” you exclaim in undeniable shock. He would be the last person you would think would visit you, other than Taehyung. Taehyung being your prey and Yoongi being your most hostile aggressor.

Yet here you all are. 

All in your room. 

Even though one is not aware of the other’s presence.

“Are you shackled, siren?” he says as he looks at you behind the door.

“Yes,” you lift them up slightly for him to see. “Why are you here?”

He glares at you for a few seconds, and then cautiously reviews the area. You break into sweat hoping that his eyes wouldn’t land on something under the bed. You discreetly try to drape over more of the blanket down the bed to hide Taehyung, who’s probably still mouthing a dozen ‘fuck’s’ to himself like a prayer he never wanted to chant again since monastery school. 

Thankfully, Yoongi finally comes in and sits on a chair by the door, never leaving his eyes from you. His movements are slow and prudent, not an ounce of trust in them for you.

“I didn’t get to have a conversation with you about today,” Yoongi says as he puts his ankle on his other knee. He looks at you with a stoic expression but his eyes still throw a million daggers your way.

“What is there to talk about?”

“Why did you save Jimin? You could’ve just left him to die. You would have one less man to worry about and we were jerks to you. So...why’d you do it?” his eyes intense and demanding.

“I-I don’t know,” you muttered quietly, because you honestly didn’t. As soon as he asked that question, you could see his point. You could’ve taken advantage of the situation and asked for something in return. But the moment you saw Jin’s eyes in horror and his friends’ faces in distress, it seemed like the most natural thing for you to do. You didn’t think about questioning it nor did you have the time. Your body acted by itself as if it was some sort of set algorithm. You don’t know, and that’s really the truth.

“You don’t know? Did you make a deal with them or something?” he asks, clearly doubting your altruistic good deed. The only bargain you signed up for was between you and Taehyung and he doesn’t know even know it exists. Jungkook letting you roam around the ship without shackles on was just a consolation price. You saved him because...you just did.

“No-I just...I just did it.” 

Silence falls upon the room and you and Yoongi look at each other without a word. You should’ve predicted this since you sensed from the beginning that he’s an angry quiet character. You notice once again that his menacing eyes have the capability to channel the most dangerous threat even though his other delicate features say otherwise. He’s like a poisonous flower-- pretty on the outside, dangerous in the inside. Just like you.

“This doesn’t change anything between us, siren. I still think you’re evil,” he stands up and tosses you a small jar that you instantly react to catch. You hold it up but can’t seem to make out what is in it just by the single candlelight in your room.

“What is it?” 

“Jimin’s blood.” 

His pocket in his hands as he answers you with a deadpan expression. “My clothes drenched in his blood when I was holding him. Since I was gonna throw it out anyway, thought I’d just throw it your way.”

You feel your heart tingle. Is Yoongi, the most aggressive sailor you’ve met since day one, showing you an act of kindness? You’re speechless and you try to prevent your lips from forming a pout by how much it moved you. He must have squeezed out the blood from his clothes after the incident. He may have even squeezed out the blood from Jimin’s clothes as well. However, it seems like he doesn’t want this to be considered as a token of gratitude, but just something he did because the blood was going to waste anyways. Regardless, it still moved you.

“T-Thanks...Yoongi,” you say quietly.

“Don’t,” he hisses. “I don’t know if it’s still good or whatever but if it’s not, just drain it down the toilet.” He opens the door to leave but he pauses in his tracks to leave one more statement behind.

“Oh and by the way, your hair is still awfully messy for someone who supposedly combed it out.” He shuts the door behind him and you panic at his last statement.

Is that his way of saying he heard Taehyung and I? 

“Do you think he heard us?!” you exclaim as you hear Taehyung crawl out from under the bed.

“No...no, he wouldn’t have come in,” Taehyung says as he kneels down on the floorboards still topless. However, you notice that your piercings on his back have stopped bleeding. “But...what the fuck was that?” he asks as he looks at you, and then the jar. Apparently, he’s as surprised as you at Yoongi’s actions.

“I have no idea. I was hoping you had an answer,” throwing back the question at him since he knows Yoongi more than you.

A smile slowly grows on Taehyung’s face and he laughs audibly as he climbs on your bed facing you. “Been friends with him for so long and yet I’m still surprised he does shit like this.” You look at him confused by his words.

“He does this?”

“Yeah! He would make you think he hates you or he just plain doesn’t care, but deep inside, he cares like the rest of us, sometimes even more. That’s why people always misunderstand him.”

Interesting. So not a poisonous flower. More like a snail, hard and cold on the outside, but squishy and soft in the inside. 

“Yeah...I felt that.”

“You felt he’s misunderstood?”

“Yeah, since the first day I saw him. I’m not trained to feel his type but I still had the feeling,” referring to the time at the party when your friend Layla, who was meant to attract him, was all over him. You knew he was a misunderstood character, but certainly not in this kind of way. Being kind itself.

“Is it still good?” Taehyung asks nodding at the jar.

“No...but it’s still a nice gesture nonetheless. We sirens only drink fresh blood.”

“I see. Well, don’t worry.” He takes the jar in your hands and put it by your bedside table. He then blows the candlelight and lays by your side with his head on his hand. “You have me anyways,” he smiles coyly at you.

You feel your heart tingle more than when Yoongi tossed you the jar, but as hard as you thought, you can’t find a word for that feeling. For some reason, you feel that those words meant more than him referring to himself as your personal blood bank.

“Isn’t it kinda sick that I’m hunting for you to feed you just to feed on you?” you laugh at the weird thought.

“Ha! I didn’t know sirens had a sense of humor too,” he giggles.

He then covers both of you with the blanket and pulls you down to lay next to him. Next thing you know, his beautiful face is right in front of you with eyes closed and with a light smile. He looks so serene with the moonlight behind him but his bizarre human behavior distracts you from letting things be.

“Are you sleeping here?” you ask. You’ve never had anyone sleep with you before, whether on a rock or a bed. The concept alone is foreign to sirens, always having a designated rock or area to sleep on, therefore, you can’t help but question it.

“What? I’m not some sl- Ohhh,” he chuckles loudly as he caresses your cheek and looks into your eyes. “You see, Y/N, decent human beings sleep on the same bed when they do something intimate.”

“Is that human--No...No. No! Even so! You should sleep in your own room! People will catch us together!” you push his bare shoulders away from you but you feel his hand encircle your wrist softly. His cheery expression slowly falls down to a very somber one. 

“Y/N...your spell is wearing off...” 

You then realize that his moment in heaven is over and his moment in hell will begin, although, it won’t be as severe as last time since you sang a weak song. However, he still will feel a lingering moment of sadness, and you see exactly that in his eyes. You start to feel his heart getting broken to a million pieces and it also dumps heavily on your chest. 

“I just...really need to be with someone tonight...I feel...really lonely right now Y/N,” he whispers sadly to you.

He stares at you silently with glassy melancholy eyes, pleading for you to let him stay. His expression moves you to slowly withdraw your hand away from his shoulder and let him wrap his arms around you, keeping you close to his body. You feel him intertwine his legs with yours and you can’t help but think how warm it is to lay in a human’s arms, touching his skin with yours.

Since you typically sleep on hard surfaces, the bed is not comfortable to you whatsoever. However, now that Taehyung has you in his arms, his toned musculature and hard chest silences you into relaxation. You find that sleeping on a bed is not so bad after all.

In the midst of you taking in the comfort of your newly found sleeping ritual, a question pops in your head about human sleeping habits. 

“Taehyung? Do humans always sleep together?” 

“No...just with the ones they like...” he whispers as he slowly falls asleep.

You think it was a weird behavior of humans because even though you like your friends, you never slept with them. But you leave it at that since the coziness of your position also pulled you down into sweet unconsciousness.

“FuuuuuuuuUUUUCCKKKK,” you hear a voice run to your door and the sound spills over when it swung open. In a daze, you raise your head to see who it is and you see Jungkook with his mouth open.

“Oh shi-” you turn your head but you see yourself alone on the bed.

Where is he?

“Did I shackle you?” Jungkook sighs as he leans against the doorframe, relieved that you’re where you’re supposed to be.

“No, you were drunk,” you answer as you look at him with your heart pounding against your chest. You feel your face become hot by the fact that this scene would’ve ended up differently if Taehyung didn’t wake up early.

“Ugh you stupid fucking careless competitive ass motherfucker,” he mutters to himself as he hits his forehead with his palm continuously. Honestly, you think Taehyung and you are more careless than he is.

“There he is!” Taehyung exclaims as you see him walk towards Jungkook from behind. “I could’ve fucking died last night you drunk,” Taehyung chuckles as he pats his shoulder.

“Hyung I jus-”

“Ah save it. Good thing Y/N here is not as rabid as we thought,” he says as he looks at you on the bed. He then slips in a quick wink in your direction and for some reason, your face gets hotter than it already is.

Since when did he get up?

You suddenly notice that Taehyung looks different even though he looks the same. There’s a glow that’s radiating off of him and you weirdly find yourself observe what he’s wearing. He usually wears a low-cut long sleeve shirt, a sword belt with the sword itself, a pair of pants, and black boots. You could care less about human attire since you rip them off your prey anyways, and you yourself usually don’t wear any clothes. However, that morning, he looks fresh and...sexier?

He then tosses Jungkook the keys and the boy gets startled to catch it.

“Come on then, have breakfast. Namjoon’s got orders. We got a long day ahead of us.” He walks away as he messes up his hair and Jungkook comes over to you to unshackle your wrists while punishing himself with his words. Both of you climb down the bed and you head for the door.

“Jungkook, don’t worry about it. Taehyung-” you pause mortified as you turn to look back at him. He’s frozen in place with his eyes wide on the jar of blood by your bedside table.

“Is that...blood?” 

Out of nowhere, Jungkook draws a sword to your throat. He alternates his eyes between you and the jar of blood as his breathing heaves. He then examines the room and he slowly lifts your blanket, indicating to you that he spotted something. There, he uncovers the small dribbles of blood at the end of the bed from Taehyung’s back. He tightens his grip on the sword as he flares his nostrils at you.

“WHOSE FUCKING BLOOD IS THAT?!” he yells at the top of his lungs as you put your hands in the air. 

“Jungkook, it’s no-not what you th-think,” you gulp down and raise your chin as you try to speak calmly. You take steps backward until you hit the wall behind your back.

“TELL ME.” Jungkook’s eyes are critically murderous and if eyes could kill, you would be on the ground dead before he could even take a stab. You’re frightened at how the laughing boy from last night transformed into a deadly man before your eyes. He’s like a bull ready to charge when they see red and that red is you.

“It’s Jimin’s but it’s-,” 

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?! DID YOU HURT HIM?!” 

Jungkook then grabs the jar in his hand, “YOU’RE NOT FUCKING DRINKING THIS.” He smashes the jar on the floor with great force. Infinite bits of broken glass fly out and land themselves on the splashed out blood on the floor. Strokes of deep red mark the furniture left and right, as well as your feet and ankles.

You hear another voice and sets of steps run towards your room.

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Jungkook calm down. What’s going on?” Jin comes in with his hands in a defending position towards Jungkook. Hoseok stands by the doorway with his mouth covered by his hand as he observes the morbid floor.

“She hurt Jimin hyung!” he yells as he jabs the sword an inch at you with each word that he puffed out. Your whole body starts to shake with the gesture and you’re not sure if your legs can hold you up any longer. Jungkook is dangerously above his threshold and no words would be able to reason with him.

“No, I di-di- I didn’t. Yoongi ga-gave it to me,” you manage to puff out as you hold your breath and your voice quivers as you speak.

“What?”

“He ga-ave me Ji-jimin’s blood,”

“Why the fuck would he do that?!”

“I-I I do-on’t know Jungkook, but-”

“YOU DON’T KNOW?! YOU FUCKING LIAR!”

All of a sudden, you hear a clink of metal against metal and you feel a whipping force in front of you. Before you know it, Taehyung is in front of you with his sword directed at Jungkook’s throat, while his is directed at Taehyung’s throat.

“Jungkook. Calm. Down,” he says dragging out his words.

“SHE HURT JIMIN HYUNG!”

“No she didn’t. I was with her last night.”

“I fucking can’t remember anything from last night! If Jimin’s hurt, it’s my fault! I won’t believe anything until I see Jimin hyung unscathed!”

Taehyung looks at Jin and Hoseok at the doorframe. He nods his head up without saying a word and the two boys run quickly to find Jimin. You feel Taehyung’s hand push you to the side as both of you slowly take steps in a circle and Jungkook follows you both with his sword.

“Sing when I tell you to,” Taehyung whispers to you without breaking his eye contact with Jungkook. Your eyes widen in surprise by his controversial request but you feel like you have to have faith in Taehyung at this moment.

“Jungkook, I understand you’re scared it would be your fault if Jimin hyung got hurt. But I’m the one who shackled her last night.”

“Why are you protecting her, hyung? She wants to kill you too!”

“No-No I don’t!” you defend behind Taehyung’s shoulder as you try to slowly keep your steps in coordination with his.

“She’s right. If she did, she would’ve done it last night when you were drunk and no one was around.”

“Then why the fuck would Yoongi give her Jimin’s blood huh? It fucking doesn’t MAKE SENSE!”

“I really don’t know Jungkook! Yo-Yoongi probably did it as a thank you to me because I saved Jimin. Please Jungkook believe me!” 

A lump in your throat gets stuck as you feel tears trying to push out from your eyes by the heightened and strained atmosphere of the room. You can’t believe that the two best friends who were laughing and drinking together last night, now have their swords at each other’s throats. You’re scared by the intense look in their eyes and that in one second, it may not only be Jimin’s blood that will be scattered all over your room.

“That doesn’t sound like Yoongi hyung at all.”

“I know Jungkook. But you know Yoongi, he has his...kind moments.”

“Why the fuck would he be kind to her?! HE HATES HER THE MOST!”

With that statement, you couldn’t hold your tears any longer by the harshness of Jungkook’s words. Streams of tears trail your face as you look over to him by Taehyung’s shoulder. However, per Taehyung’s request, you try to concentrate on finding the fastest spell in your head that would work on him. You remember that songs of victory and determination would work on Jungkook but time is of the essence. To make it worse, your hair is dry so you’re not able to pluck it to make music. There’s only one way you think that would stop him.

“Jungkook! Even if everyone hates her, you see that she’s kind! She’s not a monster!”

“How do you know it’s not a fucking deception, hyung?! HUH?! She might’ve tricked me into letting my guard down so she can hunt the rest of you!”

“Your fucking fear is fucking getting the best of you! She hunts your fucking food, not your fucking friends, and she saved Jimin for God’s sake! She could’ve fucking sucked his blood in that tub but she didn’t Jungkook! She didn’t!”

Hoseok’s rapid footsteps echo the room and you all turn to him with the slightest movement. He shakes his head, gesturing that they can’t find Jimin. “There must be some explanation why he’s not here. God damn it you two! Lower your swords!”

“What about Yoongi hyung?!” Jungkook yells.

“No...we didn’t find him either,” he says cautiously.

Jungkook’s eyes glint at you and he launches himself at a flash as he shouts in wrath. Taehyung quickly swipes his sword out of the way, just an inch from his face, and Jungkook twirls before coming in contact with Taehyung’s sword again. You run to a corner of the room, pushing yourself against the wall to avoid getting hurt. Your heart rattles when you see Jungkook’s eyes move in your direction to attack you but Taehyung clinks his sword with Jungkook’s again to distract him. The boys push their swords against each other with all their strength as they brutally glare each other down. At a stalemate, Taehyung shouts out.

“Now Y/N!”

You look at Jungkook and you try to send an apology with your eyes as best as you could. You then cover your ears and you shriek at the top of your lungs, vibrating the room with a reverberating sound for a few seconds until you observe his eyes roll back behind his head and his knees become weak, making him collapse on the floor.

“Holy shit,” Hoseok runs to Jungkook patting his cheeks. “Jungkook? Jungkook?”

Tears start to fall down your face and you feel your legs tremble until they’re not able to support you any longer. As you droop down the wall, an inevitable feeling of guilt and regret engulfs you. Your head starts to throb furiously at the action you just did to Jungkook and it feels like you just set your relationship with the rest of the crew aback a thousand waves. You fear that they won’t ever trust you now.

“What did you do?” Hoseok turns to you with a serious expression.

“He just fainted,” you manage to say in between gasps as you weep.

Taehyung put his sword back in his holder and crouches down at Jungkook.

“I’m sorry Kook,” he brushes his hair aside and caresses his forehead.

You then hear more hasty footsteps reach your door and you see Jin and Namjoon by the doorway, mouth wide open at the resulting scene that lay before their eyes.

“What the fuck happened here?!” Namjoon panics as he observes Jungkook collapsed by his sword, Hoseok and Taehyung hovering over him, blood and millions of broken glass all over the floor, and a crying siren at the corner.

“Jungkook went crazy because he thought Y/N hurt Jimin. He was just scared it would’ve been his fault if he got hurt. He wouldn’t believe anything until he sees Jimin hyung,” Taehyung says as he caresses Jungkook’s face.

“Taehyung, you fucking know I sent out Jimin and Yoongi to check out the island we’re about to go down to! They’re fucking seeing where we can dock the ship safely!”

“I know hyung,” Taehyung says. “That’s why I told Y/N to sing...or whatever that was...or else I don’t know what would’ve happened. He just fainted.”

“Oh my god...” Namjoon brushes his hair back and holds his head frustrated. “Hoseok, Jin hyung, can you put Jungkook in his bed please? This is NOT how I want to start our expedition today.”

A deep sense of conflict overwhelms you. Two opposite images of humans compete for your judgement as you sob with your head in between your knees. You just witnessed the violence and destructive behavior that humans are capable of and it frightened you to your core. Perhaps Crystal and the Seducers were right. It horrifies you out of your wits when you imagine that this kind of scene is what fatally ended your friends. 

“Hey...are you ok?” Suddenly, you hear Taehyung’s soft whisper so close in front of you. “I’m sorry. Don’t think bad of Jungkook ok? He was just scared.”

You feel a hand rub your back as you hear Jin’s and Hoseok’s movements lift Jungkook out of your room.

“She didn’t do anything, hyung. Yoongi gave her the blood. Ask him when he comes back.” Taehyung retorts to Namjoon even though he hasn’t accused you of anything.

“All right, all right. I believe you.” Namjoon says.

“Pretty, can you show me your face?” You feel a hand on your head and you lift your face up drenched in tears. He takes a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe your face but you swat his hand away.

“Don’t touch me.”

Taehyung looks taken aback by your action accompanied with your stern and grim expression. Humans are disgusting.

He then shifts his eyes from your face to your feet. He sees that your feet are covered in blood and pieces of the glass rubble pierce through the bottom.

“Y/N...”

“I can heal myself.”

“Put your arm around my neck,” he says, ignoring your statement. Taehyung doesn’t know what possessed you to answer him like that but he won’t have it. When you did nothing, he takes your arm and put it over his shoulders as he swoops his other arm under your knees. He lifts you up as he says, “Even if you can heal, I don’t want you to take another step.”

As Taehyung carries you out of the room, you pass by Namjoon as he averts his eyes between you and Taehyung. His expression seems skeptical and suspicious of his behavior.

Taehyung sits you on top of the kitchen table as he scrummages for tools to take out the glass shards from your feet. Drips of blood still hung unto them, both Jimin’s blood and yours. He sets the materials by you and sits on the seat in front of you.

“Y/N...don’t let it get to you. Jungkook was just scared. He’s really not like that,” he says as he lays your heels on a towel on his lap.

“It’s going to hurt,” he warns before he plucks out the biggest glass shard and you gasp at the pain. “Sorry.”

He then starts plucking the rest of the shards as carefully as he can and your body tenses up from the pain as you hold your leg. 

“So what was that shriek? It didn’t sound human,” he asks, concentrating on a rubble.

He waits for a reply but you say nothing until he notices.

“Y/N, are you mad?” he stops what he’s doing and looks at you as you continue to do nothing.

“Y/N, are you scared of me?” he asks as he tries to caress your cheek but you turn to your left to deny his touch. You see his expression fall disappointed with a sad smile before he goes back to doing what he’s doing.

“That’s ok. I understand...humans do foolish things when they’re scared. What Jungkook did was out of care for Jimin hyung.” He plucks out another shard and you start bleeding profusely as you tear up at the pain. 

“Sometimes human love just manifest in weird ways.” 

He takes the bottle of rum, bites the cork from the opening, and pour it over your feet. Your leg twitches from the pain before Taehyung presses some of your wounds with the towel to stop bleeding. 

Taehyung continues to take out the glass rubble from your feet one by one in silence. If you didn’t want to talk then he won’t make you. He understands that you’re probably still in shock by Jungkook’s sudden change of behavior. However, as the silence grows, you start to feel guilty ignoring Taehyung as he’s doing something nice for you. You start to consider that he might not be like the other humans. Even though you’re still on edge, you find it in you to speak to him.

“That wasn’t my human voice,” you said stoically.

“I’m sorry?” he says and looks at you.

“The shriek. It wasn’t my human voice.”

“Interesting...so sirens have a siren voice?” he smiles as he clearly thinks he won you over now that you’re talking.

“Yeah. We use it underwater to talk to each other.”

“That’s cool...and very convenient. How come it only made Jungkook faint and not Hoseok and I?”

“Because it’s more concentrated. Water muffles sound and siren voices concentrate them so it doesn’t dissipate everywhere in water. It sounds awful when it’s not used underwater...and I concentrated the sound to Jungkook’s ears only.”

“Whatever voice you use, I still like it,” he says as he wraps your feet in cloth.

“Hey Taehyung! I need you to go down and help dock the ship,” Namjoon suddenly interrupts.

“Yeah I’m done, hyung!” he calls out as he finishes wrapping your feet “We’re here Y/N,” he says before leaving you to run to the deck.

"I thought we weren’t going to reach your destination until 11 more days?” You ask Namjoon who’s beside you as both of you look at the horizon of the forest of the island before you. You see the other boys below at the shore, tugging on ropes and hammering stumps of wood to tie it around them. The island seems deserted, contrary to the image of a town in your mind that Jungkook and Taehyung talked about when they were drinking.

“Yep, this is part of the plan. We’re gonna spend just a couple of days here before we reach home. We’re on a quest,” 

“A quest?”

“Y/N...did anybody ever tell you why we’re on a ship in the first place?”

With Namjoon’s question, you realize your ignorance. All you really cared about was how to stay alive in a ship with seven humans but never really asked where the ship came from or where it’s going.

“No...” you say meekly.

He chuckles before he answers, “You see Y/N, our hometown is getting sick...”

“Getting sick?”

“There’s something going on...a type of disease or something. We don’t know how to cure it, and that’s why we’re here. This ship and its crew were appointed by your highness to find the rare flower that may treat the people with the disease.”

Your-Your highness?

He then takes out a small book from his pocket scribbled with gorgeous writing that surrounds a drawing of the flower.

“Orphiya,” he says as he points at the big flower with a beautiful bright purple color and delicate yellow freckles at its center. 

“It’s pretty,” you said.

“Namjoon it’s docked!” you hear Jimin yell from below.

“Great job guys!” Namjoon yells back. “Let’s go, Y/N.”

You stand at a part of the shore that washes your feet with the ocean water, but not enough to make your tail reappear. All the boys look at you as you take off the bloody cloth that Taehyung wrapped around your feet. 

Jungkook, after awakening from his passed out state, is now also in front of you. However, he avoids your gaze every time he feels your eyes on him.

“It should only take a second,” you tell them as they await for you before going into the woods. You close your eyes and you try to channel your energy towards your feet to heal them. However, as hard as you tried, you still feel the stinging pain and you don’t understand why. You open your eyes and observe the palms of your feet. 

“T-They’re not closing up,” you whisper to yourself in shock.

“Is there something wrong?” Hoseok asks.

“M-My wounds! They’re not closing up!” You look at your feet with wide eyes. “How can this be?!”

“I thought you could heal yourself?” Jin asks with a tone of concern.

“Yeah! I can! I’ve done it a million times! I don’t know why it’s not working now!” You panic as you try to find an explanation why you’re not able to heal yourself anymore. 

Shit. Shit. What is happening?

You suddenly feel your head become dizzy and your knees buckle under your weight. Before you know it, Taehyung catches you before you plummet into the water and you see his blurry face in panic. 

“Y/N! Y/N!” Taehyung yells.

“I’m too far from the holy place, Taehyung.”

“Holy place?! Your home?!”

“The fountain...” you breathe out as you slip into unconsciousness.

I just want to say thank you all for supporting this fic! I tried to finish it as fast as I can for you guys <3 Hope this keeps you on edge lol

[evakuality]

It’s Even’s turn!

So, after promising myself I would for the longest time, here I am finally with a meta all about Even.  I had a lot of down time recently to (hand!) write about a lot of stuff, and obviously Even was one character I feel a need to talk about.  He’s one of the two characters I feel most connected to on this show and it’s criminal that I haven’t really talked about him much yet.  Let’s take a look at Even, shall we?  Let me tell you, this is one of the kindest, most gentle characters you’ll ever meet on TV.  So let’s start there.

Even is a character who could have become brittle and hardened.  The experiences of his life are the sort that could have made him bitter.  Let’s recap: he has an incurable mental illness that he can’t control and which inevitably recurs, causing him a lot of distress after it’s taken its toll because he believes he’ll hurt people because of it.  He fears losing control, which is why he resents it when people try to control him and why he loves the idea of being a director and able to be in control, complete control, of something.  He has also been in a relationship for a long time.  That’s not generally considered to be a bad thing, of course, but in this instance it’s become cloying, something that keeps him in a place he finds restless and closed in.  That it also makes him feel protected in some ways, safe and secure, is irrelevant because even that supposed positive is so restrictive to him that he chafes against it.  And then of course, we have all the stuff at Bakka.  We can’t know for sure if that was his first episode, the one that led to his diagnosis, or if there had been some before.  Regardless, it was catastrophic for him: it was big, it was public, it cost him his friends and his dignity and it almost cost him his life.  He was either so ashamed of what he’d done that he didn’t want to go back to the same school, or he was not able to go back for some reason.  So this all meant that he had to piece himself back together and then repeat his last year of school in a new place among new people.

For someone like Even, someone who likes being in control, so much of this stuff would be horrifying.  It could easily have created a resentful, closed off, angry person but it didn’t.  It created a loving, kind, generous person who tries to make everyone around him feel better.  We see something of how Even could have ended up at the Halloween pre-game where Sonja gets at him about his drinking and he snaps at her.  That’s the resentful, angry person he could have been all the time.  So it’s not like he doesn’t have the capacity for that anger and resentment.  That means he’s choosing not to be that way.  (Incidentally, Sonja’s reaction to his aggression there is a little weird to me; why does she get so upset?  Is it because this is such an ongoing thing?  I know she thinks she’s doing the right thing, but she’s got to understand how that would feel to him, surely?  Any insights from others would be most appreciated).  We also see how little Even values himself.  He doesn’t understand why Isak would be with him.  During a good phase of his life, in s4 when he’s graduated, he’s living with Isak and he seems happy and stable, Even believes he’s a burden.  It’s hard to know exactly where he gets this idea as we have no clue about his past really.  Plausibly, it could be because people have either said or implied that he was a burden and/or the cause of their pain (throw away comments and well-meaning conversations can have a devastating effect, after all, even if no-one deliberately tried to make him feel bad).  Or, the other possibility is that Even is sensitive enough to other people that he noticed the effect his episode had on them (notably Sonja and the balloon boys, particularly Yousef but also probably his parents), and now lives in fear that he is, or will be, just as bad for Isak.  We certainly see how quickly Even can read a situation and respond to it when he returns the hat Isak left at his house, so the idea that Even can read the people around him and accurately see that his episode has had a negative effect on them isn’t unlikely.  It’s actually heartbreaking that a character who is loving and giving thinks this way about himself, however.  It tells us a lot about how all those things in his life affected him, and it’s incredibly sad just how deeply they have cut into his own self-perception.  

There are other facets to Even too, of course.  He’s unashamed of a lot of things about who he is, which is interesting considering how much else he is ashamed of.  He likes cheesy pop music and isn’t scared to show it (Gabrielle and dancing in the kitchen, for example), he’s impulsive and energetic (Taking all the paper towels just to get Isak to react, breaking into the house with the pool to recreate one of his, presumably, favorite movie moments), he’s willing to make a fool of himself (dressing as God in a way that’s not particularly flattering), he’ll talk dicks etc with people he’s just met (with Isak at kosegruppa and after the neon party pregame), he’ll make up stupid stories just to entertain people and/or get a reaction (that first dick story and the aluminium leg after the neon party).  It’s hard to know how much of this is Even being Even and how much is awkward flirting because we see all of this through Isak’s eyes and Even has an interest there from the start, but either way this tells us a lot about him.  There are a lot of parts of Even that a more self-conscious person wouldn’t be so comfortable showing.  In short, he’s a giant dork who will ignore his own fears and insecurities to make other people happy.  It’s actually testament to how much Even liked Isak from the start that he tried to hide a lot of this side of him behind a cool, mysterious facade.  Some of that would have just been Isak’s point of view, of course, because Isak definitely sees Even as the cool, sexy outsider at the start, but there’s no way Even was so ‘casually’ cool in Isak’s presence so many times without there being some effort behind it.  The moment in the school yard is, as pointed out by many gifsets, the epitome of ‘do you know how hard I worked to make accidental eye contact?’

One thing that’s often glossed over in fanfiction (and I’m certainly guilty of this myself) is that Even is a teller of tall tales.  The two most obvious examples are the ‘if you touched a dick you had to suck it’ and ‘Sonja has a fake leg’ stories.  Now, we have no way of knowing whether this is just part of ‘take desperate to a new level’ in trying to win Isak over, or whether Even’s always like this.  But either way, it again tells us a lot about him.  He’s playful, he likes to make people laugh (or Isak anyway), and he’s willing to push it to the limit and not give up until the other person gets that he’s joking.  When you think about it, this is a lovely trait.  Often people will give in, relent and tell the person they’re joking with that they’re joking before it dawns on them.  They make it easy for the other person which can sometimes make them feel condescended to.  Whereas when Even allows the person to figure it out themselves he has such a joyous response to it, he’s so happy to be found out, that they (or Isak anyway) can feel happy too.  There’s a sense of ‘you’re an asshole’ in Isak’s responses, but also of ‘but I found you out’ and so he feels successful.  The infectious joy Even has as part of this is important because it shows he’s not doing this to be malicious.  He’s genuinely just wanting to have a laugh, and there’s no intention to laugh at someone (or, well … at Isak because he’s really the only one we see Even do this with).  

This expands out to other things as well.  Think about that moment during their first real conversation, on the windowsill when Even’s amused at Isak pretending to know who Nas is.  He could have made Isak feel really badly in that moment, but he doesn’t.  He laughs, yes, but it’s more with Isak than at him and he lightens it by saying they’ll listen later.  This is a person who likes to tease and laugh but will do it in a way which draws people (or … well, Isak anyway) closer rather than distancing them.  This is all in keeping with Even being a gentle, kind soul who likes people being in control of their own lives.  Just as he isn’t into being controlled himself, he also doesn’t want to control others as we see with his storytelling thing.

The other thing to remember is that Even is a very brave character.  That may seem to be a bit contradictory when we remember that he’s also super avoidant, but hear me out.  We see him running from things that upset or worry him over and over again.  He ignores Sonja’s calls and texts when he’s with Isak after their first kiss, he avoids Isak after the ‘mentally ill people’ line rather than telling him, he drops his Bakka friends and tries to avoid talking to them right up til s4 in the karaoke bar, he doesn’t want to engage with Isak around knowing Sana and his relationship with Mikael, and we don’t know if he left Bakka to avoid seeing those people again but it’s plausible considering how many other things he avoids.  This all suggests someone who’s a bit cowardly, who doesn’t want to face up to the issues in his life.  Now, apart from the Sonja one, those all revolve around not wanting to face his past because it scares him and he’s so worried it will cost him his future.  But this is where the bravery comes in.  He’s had bad experiences around his sexuality in the past; his friends reacted strongly to his attempt to kiss Mikael and his episode either happened concurrent to that or immediately afterwards.  And yet, Even still approaches Isak and sees if they can work together as a couple.  Even knows Isak has issues with mentally ill people, he knows he could be devastatingly hurt if Isak finds out he’s bipolar, and yet he still comes back that night when isak texts him.  He puts himself out there, willing to risk his own happiness, dignity and heart for the possibility that isak might feel the same way about him.  He failed out of Bakka in his third year, probably from missing too much school, and yet he’s brave enough to pick himself up and start over at a new school.  That’s not easy; neither thing is.  To repeat a year after feeling like a failure on top of everything else he’s dealt with, and to do it in a new place with new people. It’s a testament to how strong he really is.

Even has a sad backstory; he feels very much like he’s not worth people bothering with him, and yet all his actions and his personality (his exuberance, his gentleness, his kindness, his bravery etc) all make him a person who the whole group respects.  We know this from his clip, and from the Nipple Twist video, where they all support him and tell him how great he is.  Which, honestly, is something Even should always hear, because he deserves it.  He deserves to be happy, he deserves to have someone love him unconditionally and he deserves to be seen as useful and needed by his partner and by his friends.  He gets all those things by the end of the show and that’s a lovely thing for a character who gives so much to others but can’t see it.

[uomo-accattivante]

The troupe — a roving band of actors, musicians and directors who produce a variety of plays and entertainment — is centuries old. So why has this generation of stage, television and cinematic impresarios found new resonance in this old form of communalism?

IN “HAMLET,” WHEN the hero wants to put on a play to “catch the conscience of the king,” he engages the services of a band of itinerant actors, a motley troupe of entertainment professionals instructed by the Danish prince to “hold, as ’twere, the mirror up to nature.”

As the Renaissance scholar Siobhan Keenan notes in her 2002 study, “Travelling Players in Shakespeare’s England,” the author of “Hamlet” based that fictitious company on something “he had lived for real.” Troupes of mimes and acrobats, musicians and mummers were ubiquitous in early modern Europe. Their performances were both religious and profane, encompassing everything from passion plays to puppet shows to commedia dell’arte sketches. They cobbled together material from various sources — Shakespeare’s own compositional method — and tailored their performances to local tastes and prejudices. Tradespeople as well as artists, the troupes operated according to a flexible organizational chart. In their working relationships they were companions more than colleagues, forging quasi-familial ties (including love affairs, of course) as they wound from town to town. The whole village would come to the show, and the community onstage, with its exaggerated conflicts and beguiling harmonies, served as a mirror for the audience, binding its members, at least for an evening or two, in common troubles and delights. A few young people might run off with the troupe, further blurring the boundary between the players and their public.

For centuries, these troupes defined popular culture in much of the world. They show up now and then in modern paintings, novels and films: in Seurat’s “Circus Sideshow” and Picasso’s “Family of Saltimbanques”; in novels such as Emily St. John Mandel’s “Station Eleven” and Barry Unsworth’s “Morality Play”; in Theo Angelopoulos’s “Travelling Players” and Fellini’s “La Strada.”

Those works evoke nostalgia for the rough magic of a bygone way of life, one that slipped away silently and suddenly, like the circus setting off for the next town at daybreak. Over time, the troupe aesthetic fell victim to the usual forces of modernity. Art, even when it depended on collective labor, became increasingly individualized in Europe after the Middle Ages, and the consumption of art followed the same fate. Culture now travels, for the most part, electronically — reaching the public through the invisible corporate workings of television networks, streaming services and movie studios. Live theater, where it still flourishes, is concentrated in commercial or philanthropically supported institutions. The scrolling credits and the fine print in the playbill record a strict division of labor. Though there is, technically, a “company,” it’s often an ad hoc confection brokered by agents, producers and other offstage dealmakers. The artists are individuals, and so are the members of the audience. The romantic idea of performing artists as a vagabond tribe, commingling with the rest of us and then moving on, has been dissolved in the medium of modern celebrity. And the corresponding ideal of the public — gathering to share in a common treasury of imagination — has withered as tastes have fragmented.

BUT THE HUNGER for that older way of doing things persists. Movie studios and television networks are soulless, monstrous entities, ravenous heads of a corporate hydra. A Broadway theater is an empty shell. There is not much we see that commands our loyalty, or inspires our solidarity. The unsatisfied, atavistic part of ourselves that harbors a dim memory of those wondrous nights in the village square experiences a special frisson, a jolt of recognition and excitement, when we witness the work of players who seem loyal to one another.

This is why we react with a special kind of excitement when we encounter what looks like the work of a genuine troupe in the crowded, highly mediated, aggressively monetized postmodern landscape where we scavenge for beauty, fun and enlightenment. What connects certain television shows, movies and stage productions to ancient folkways is a particular blend of novelty and familiarity. You see the same faces again and again in new disguises. The afternoon’s clown is the evening’s tragic hero; yesterday’s princess is tomorrow’s wicked stepmother.

To be more specific: The young actor Evan Peters, who creeped you out as a sweet-faced, homicidal teenager in the first season of “American Horror Story” on FX, returns in subsequent seasons as a falsely accused murderer, a reanimated fraternity brother, Charles Manson, Andy Warhol and Jesus. This is not an exhaustive list. In the same series — the flagship production of what we might call the Ryan Murphy Troupe — Jessica Lange has been a sinister nun, a witch and a maniacal, musical mistress of ceremonies.

To take another example: Ben Stiller, a fixture of several distinct, overlapping quasi-troupes (including his own), shows up in “Greenberg,” Noah Baumbach’s 2010 romantic comedy, as the misanthropic, underachieving brother of a successful Los Angeles hotelier. He cycles back into the Baumbach universe in 2015’s “While We’re Young,” playing the somewhat less misanthropic, not as spectacularly underachieving son-in-law of a prominent documentary filmmaker. And then, a couple of years later in “The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected),” he’s the successful sibling, a financial adviser based in L.A., struggling to keep his misanthropy in check and dealing with the narcissism of his father, played by Dustin Hoffman. (Hoffman was accused late last year by several women of sexual misconduct or assault. He has apologized to one of the women and has denied other allegations through his lawyer.)

If you are a habitual visitor to Baumbach’s galaxy, you are accustomed to seeing some of the same faces in altered guises. Florence Marr, played by Greta Gerwig in “Greenberg,” is not the same person as Frances Hamilton, Gerwig’s character in “Frances Ha” (2013) or Brooke in “Mistress America” (2015). But these young women stand in relation to each other like conjugations of the quintessential millennial verb “to adult.” They are melodies played on different instruments in the same family: clarinet, oboe, bassoon.

After “Greenberg,” Baumbach and Gerwig began writing together (they also now live together). “Frances Ha�� and “Mistress America” are the fruits of that partnership, a fusion of complementary, but also distinctive, styles and sensibilities. “It’s like we’re standing on the beach picking up the same kind of rocks,” Gerwig says of their collaboration. (Gerwig’s solo voice as a writer and director burst forth in “Lady Bird,” one of the defining movies of last year.)

“Part of what’s great about working with the same people is that it’s an ongoing conversation that you’re having from movie to movie,” says Baumbach, whose troupe of repeat collaborators includes crew as well as cast. “How can we continue this thing we’ve been developing? And then there’s also the thing of explaining yourself to new people, which is good too. So you want some healthy dose of both.”

Baumbach’s characters are defined by their idiosyncrasies and imperfections, by their snowballing failures of communication, planning and insight. Bringing them to life demands precisely those things in heroic measure, and an enormous amount of work: endless rewriting, numerous takes, an editing process that begins while the script is still being written.

Ryan Murphy, by contrast, likes to surprise his actors, to spring ideas, situations and scenes on them in medias res — midseason and even mid-episode. “It’s always a little hair-raising,” says Jessica Lange. “With ‘American Horror Story’ we often wouldn’t get the first pages of the episode until the day we started shooting. I think anybody who’s worked with Ryan, especially on ‘American Horror Story’ — I mean, it is kind of by the skin of your teeth.”

“He can get sort of uninterested in a story he’s telling,” Sarah Paulson said, “and then decide to take it in an entirely new way that does interest him. So you can be going along, playing a particular thing and then all of a sudden you find out, oh, you really did kill your sister, and you ate her for dinner, and you didn’t realize that because you’d been playing the whole time that you really loved your sister. But it actually adds a beautiful nuance to your work.” The result is an ever-expanding, theoretically limitless multiverse of stories, and a thorough reinvention of the possibilities of serial television. “American Horror Story” derives its coherence not from a stable set of characters and situations but from the opposite. The through line is stated in the title — horror, a property that can be found in serial killers, witches, nuns, Charles Manson and our country’s current political climate. More concretely, it flows through the faces and voices of actors like Peters, Lange and Paulson, who discover, from one chapter to the next, the thrilling and spooky dimensions of their own talent. “It’s an incredible gift that you get to work for four to five months on something very, very intensely,” Paulson says, “just like you would on a film or a play, and then it’s over.”

A TROUPE, YOU will have noticed, is not necessarily a democratic phenomenon. Someone has to be the boss, providing both vision and connective tissue for the work of fellow artists. The current golden age of television has seen the rise of showrunners like Murphy as objects of critical scrutiny and fan obsessions, much in the way that movie directors were elevated to the status of artists during the postwar blossoming of film culture. Previously they had been seen as guns for hire in an anonymous industrial system.

Theater is an older art form, with a more complicated distribution of creative authority. Supremacy is habitually granted to the writer, who is sometimes also the star, and therefore a physical presence on the scene, but who more often is dead long before the curtain goes up. The popular image of what happens backstage involves a flurry of activity involving directors and dramaturgs, producers and impresarios scrambling to boost morale, prevent disaster and keep the bills paid.

Oskar Eustis is all of those things and also something else. The artistic director of the Public Theater since 2005, he leads in the tradition of two great New York showmen: George C. Wolfe, who directed “Angels in America” (1993) on Broadway and “The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks” (2017) for HBO, and Joseph Papp, the Public’s founder, who grew free outdoor performances of Shakespeare into a mighty civic institution. Under Eustis’s aegis, the Public, now housed in the former Astor Library in Lower Manhattan, has incubated such future Broadway hits as “Fun Home” (2015), “Hamilton” (2015) and “Latin History for Morons” (2017). It has been a home base and R&D facility for the Pulitzer Prize-winning playwrights Lynn Nottage and Suzan-Lori Parks. Season after season, it’s a whirring carousel of diverse, ambitious and politically urgent theater.

Eustis’s vision of the Public is of a kind of city within the city, a community open to new arrivals who settle in and stay for a long time. He likes to keep up with old friends and partners and to fold new talent into the mix. His relationships with playwrights like Tony Kushner and Nottage go back decades, predating his arrival at the Public. In the time he’s been there he has gathered in artists like Lin-Manuel Miranda, Oscar Isaac, John Leguizamo, the composer Jeanine Tesori and the playwright and actress Lisa Kron (co-creators of “Fun Home”).

These artists and others collaborate in a process that is intensive and exhaustive, a kind of rolling workshop that can continue for years. Theater, Eustis told me, “has to go through every phase of human experience, from the writer alone in their room chewing on their pencil to the conversations with the director or dramaturg as the piece is written, to the reading aloud with actors once a draft exists. So step by step until finally you have something that literally hundreds of people have been involved in putting together that’s being performed for hundreds of thousands. There is almost no example of a great work of theater that doesn’t involve many great collaborations.”

And that process has a meaning that extends beyond the theater itself. “This is such a transactional, atomized world,” Eustis said at the end of our conversation, “where everything gets a dollar value put on it. Everything is ‘I’ll give you this if you give me that’ and ‘What have you done …’ And to try and really build a counter to that, to say there’s actually a better way of people relating to each other, and while we can’t completely remake the world in our image, we can try to remake the theater in our image, and by doing that hold, as ’twere, a mirror up to nature.”

What we see on the stage and on the large and small screens are reflections of human social interaction. Every play, every film, every television show, is about a group of people — a family, a workplace, a neighborhood, a nation. The purpose of those art forms is to show us to ourselves, in glory and disgrace and at every point on the spectrum in between. The ethic of the troupe provides another, less obviously visible but no less powerful mirror. What we witness in the collective pretending is the result of individuals working together at a common task, in circumstances that, however grueling and disharmonious in the moment, are also utopian. This looks like the opposite of alienated labor, not just because it seems like fun — it’s not called “playing” for nothing — but because it transcends both the narrow individualism and the impersonal corporatism that defines so much of our working lives. The enchantment that we experience, craning forward in the audience, is not just with what we’re seeing, but with what we intuit about how it was made. Look: This is what we can do. This is who we might become.