#drunktext

[fkwmtzyy]

bun ny

[eric-sadahire]

All it takes is two glasses of wine for me to start replying to people's stories as if they were personally sent to me.

[isdalinarhot]

Dalinar’s sex appeal aside, he’s also silly! He’s my silly goofy man! He’s always doing things that are so lame and so not cool. But because I want to know him biblically to me all these moments are literally the most hilarious thing ever. He and I should be married and be joint highprinces and we can both have “unintentionally funny due to being so fucking autistic” swag

[lipstickontheglass1985]

oh well well well if it isnt the consequences of my own actions 👍

[fatal-furry-mark-of-the-tigers]

Broke: Shonen gay boi discourse

Also broke but kinda funny to me right now: People seeing Touhou levels of Bro:ToeHoes ratios and thinking, "Yeah, they're probably banging my self-insert off screen" when it's pretty clear the series is basically a lighter anime version of a women's prison, and they WILL get some cigs and pussy along the way.

[littlemisshyperfixation]

Yoongi Fic Recommendations Part 2

a - angst f - fluff s - smut

part 1

Series

Miss Dial (s) by @versigny ⊹₊⋆ [11:31] You: okay so i’m texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting yoongi and telling him how badly i want his cock tonight. Arent you proud?

[11:32] unknown number: this is yoongi, hi 

Please Be Naked (a f s) (ft. namjoon) by @floralseokjin ⊹₊⋆ Recently heartbroken, it feels like you’ll never be able to get over it. But a chance encounter with a guy you haven’t seen in months changes everything…  

One Shots

want a taste? (f s) by @suga-kookiemonster ⊹₊⋆ pretzel pro. most skillful tongue in the food court world. allegedly. that’s what yoongi keeps telling you, anyway. of course, you’re reasonably skeptical of his claims—but if there’s one thing that motivates the notoriously-lethargic man, it’s proving skeptics wrong.

take care of you (f s) by @kookslastbutton ⊹₊⋆ To keep your fiance from burning out you suggest a weekend getaway to Gapyeong, a charming town about an hour outside Seoul. You've specifically asked him to leave his work equipment at home but like a deep rooted habit, he still brings it with him. You're left with no choice but to find a way to get his attention back.

You Broke Me (f) by @7ndipity ⊹₊⋆ Just clingy, fluffy Yoongi after Reader comes home after a month-long trip

Shy (s) by @7ndipity ⊹₊⋆ You’re desperately craving your boyfriend's attention, but are too shy to ask for it outright. Luckily, Yoongi knows what you want anyway.

Sweet Spot (s f) by @cultleaderyoongi ⊹₊⋆ Three months into dating, Yoongi ponders what the perfect scenario for a love confession would be. There's no manual stating when and where and how is appropriate. It's only convenient when his body reacts faster than his brain, doing the job for him.

Eargasm (s) by @lavishedinjimin ⊹₊⋆ The idea of having your first ever orgasm by talking to a hot, random stranger through your phone scares the living hell out of you, but maybe it won’t be as bad as you think.

F*ck Christmas (a f s) by @sailoryooons ⊹₊⋆ Making hating Christmas your entire personality was never the plan. Then again, it seems bad things only ever happen around Christmas - like discovering your fiancé cheating on you, forcing you to move back to your sleepy hometown. But Min Yoongi happens to love Christmas, and if there is one thing your very stubborn childhood crush is going to do, it’s try to reignite your Christmas spirit. Even if he has to force-feed it to you with gingerbread cookies and too-sweet eggnog.

Workaholic (s) by @hobiwonder ⊹₊⋆ Yoongi needs to relax and Hoseok has many tricks up his sleeve to make him. None of them Yoongi thought included hiring a hooker to pay him a visit one stormy night. You were only trying to escape a crazed man chasing you down on a stormy night. Never was your intention to end up in an attractive man’s house. Definitely not one who thought you were a hooker. 

Backtrack (s) (ft. jimin) by @mapofthesea ⊹₊⋆ There’s no telling just how long you'd been stuck in the windowless studio, and you’re just about ready to walk out and forfeit your paycheck for the week, until your bosses strike up an interesting bargain.

the pink pill (s) by @dollfaceksj ⊹₊⋆ In each of these universes, you find yourself consuming what is known as the pink pill. This pill is essentially a drug that enhances your libido to the max and you’ll quite literally never experience arousal like you do when you’ve taken this pill. Thankfully, in each universe, there’s a man that’s ready to help you explore and reach your peak of sexual euphoria.

all night (s) (ft. namjoon) by @axigailxo ⊹₊⋆ in which listening to music during a smoke sesh with your best friends namjoon and yoongi in the studio turns into much more

damn the charcuterie board. (s) (ft. jimin) by @bratkook

[incorrect-bhaalspawn-quotes]

Tav: Okay so I’m texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting Halsin and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. Aren’t you proud?

Halsin: …This is Halsin, hi.

[crackishincorrecthp]

*Draco drunktexting Harry* Draco: You're the hottest and most amazing boyfriend I've ever had Harry: I'm your husband, tho Draco: Really?! Draco: Merlin, that's fucking awesome!

[indigosfindings]

my friend drunktexted me to say "im so glad to be friends with you" 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[wife]

it always annoys me when someone's drunktexting and ppl are like "oh theyre typing badly On Purpose and being drunk doesnt make u type badly" like ?? idk ??? in my experience when im drunk i can fuck up typing really bad Especially on my phone. and Yeah i do See that ive fucked up typing so bad and i Could backspace it and try to type slower and fix all the words. i do consider that even in my drunken state. but drunk me does not do that bc they find it so funny to post things that are absolutely incomprehensible sludge so i just send nonsense messages that mean nothing

[mordred-custody-battle-royale]

Idk if suggested yet but the BBC version of King Arthur would be funny

I'm sleepy and want to avoid tumblr drunktexting hours, but elaborate for tomorrow morning. I'm not familiar, but that does sound funny in a similar way to something like Fairly OddParents Merlin (about as much of an asshole as the Fate one without the cool deeper parts or catfishing vtuber pranks)

[litteraturhistorikeren]

Havde en dejlig bachelorfejring med mine venner i går, vi tog i byen, jeg blev så fuld, at jeg begyndte st drunktexte- og ringe, og jeg tabte min telefon så mange gange, at det er et under, den ikke blev slået i tusind stykker. I dag rådner jeg lidt, lå i sengen til kl 15. Orker ikke at have tømmermændsangst, er blevet for gammel til at overtænke, om jeg gjorde noget pinligt, da jeg var fuld. Sket er sket

[bybarn]

123 manifesterer at du bliver fuld og drunktexter mig

[dramatic-dolphin]

my sister drunktexting me is always the funniest thing in the world, everyone should experience this

[jerseyclown]

dsorry for drunktexting you in a bad way about bilvy last night i dont remember doing it but im unsurprised

dont ever apsplpgize for living your truth i said all those things sober so i dont ehven have an excuse. Whens the weddidng between us

[mammoneythegreat]

One of my friends is drunktexting and it makes me go “eyyyy shes drunk texting me ehe” but at the same time go “ew drunk people >:0”