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Y/n: petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday
Dream: Wednesay
Y/n: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible
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Y/n: Dream, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!
Dream: Well of course I have.
Dream: Have you ever tried going mad without power?
Dream: It's boring.
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Y/n: Today is a day of running through hurdles.
Ranboo: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?
Y/n: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.
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Y/n: Ranboo... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Ranboo: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Y/n:
Y/n: I wrote sanitize, Ranboo
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Y/n: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail
Sapnap: No it’s my fault, I shouldn’t’ve used my one phone call to prank call the police
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Y/n: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming
Sapnap: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak
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George: Welcome, fellow idiots
Y/n: Hello, George
George: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot
Y/n: You underestimate me
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George: *Gets down on one knee*
Y/n: Oh my god, it’s finally happening.
George: *Falls over*
Y/n: The poison is kicking in.
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Tommy: Change is inedible.
Y/n: Don't you mean inevitable?
Tommy, spitting out coins: No, I did not.
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Tommy: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Y/n's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get them out...
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Tubbo: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?
Y/n: Oh, I’m always running
Y/n: The question is from what
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Tubbo: I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.
Y/n: It’s not a joke.
Y/n: *sniffles*
Y/n: I’m a legit snack.
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Foolish: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao
Y/n: What did you do op?
Foolish: A MISTAKE
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Y/n: Foolish...
Foolish: Oh no, 'Foolish' in b-flat.
Foolish: You're disappointed.
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Technoblade: WHAT’S YOUR TYPE
Y/n: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially
Technoblade, desperately, as Y/n bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Y/n: Oh! B positive.
Technoblade: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Y/n:
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Technoblade, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Y/n: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!
Technoblade, with the tone of someone who is used to Y/n: Outstanding.
Technoblade: This is what I’m talking about people.
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Technoblade: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.
Y/n: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.
Technoblade: Absolutely not.
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i accidentally hit post on this too early so if you saw this b4 it was finished- no you didn't
ANYWAYS enjoy, because the last one got over 300 likes so
AU where SBI are villains, and Kristin is the villain wrangler making sure all the kids who get counseling in her office get a chance to meet who ever they want, even if they’re wanted dead by the hero commission.
Cue meet-cute(?) between Kristin and Phil, where she spends weeks tracking down the infamous “ Crowfather, killer of heroes and hater of the system” because some little kid wanted see him, and she stands tall and totally not terrified (/s) on a rooftop waiting for him.
And Phil is faced with this woman who spent hours and hours researching his routines not to arrest him but to let a little kid meet him, and he just falls for her.
So they exchange numbers, and everytime from there on out when Kristin has a kid who wants to meet The Blade or Orpheus or Nemesis she just casually shoots THE TOP VILLAIN a message, internally screaming, while Phil is kicking his feet on the air like a stereotypical teenager everytime his phone dings with a personalized ringtone.
Hero!Dream: I have finally confronted you, doer of evil! Today, our fight will be legend-
Crowfather!Phil: wait pause mate- OMG ITS HER 🥰🥰
Hero!Dream: wait wha-
Technoblade: I’ll take it from here
And so begins her getting really casual about the fact she personally texts the top villain.
I’m imagining some side stuff where she meets Tommy, a sidekick in desperate need of help (which she’s happy to provide), and a few others who’s relationship evolves with her over time.
Kirstin when first meeting the Blade: hooooooly smokes this guy is Dangerous, but if the kid wants to meet him… I’ll be prepared
Techno: uhhhhhh (struggling to interact with the receptionist, holds kids and swings them around gently like planes, lets them win fake fights)
Kristin: ok wait he’s like seven shaking puppies built like a brick house
She and Phil talk more and more as the arrangement continues, about everything and eventually life, and things shift from there. The first time that a villain tries hurting one of the kids also shifts their relationship…. especially since Kristin handles it as efficiently as she does.
There’s more, but in this AU I imagine Kristin to have a super dangerous power of her own (unregistered because teehee) that motivated her to work with troubled youth in need of help and kids working with a limited lifespan. I want her to be OP but just friendly and downplaying her ability since she was never in a situation to use it to the full extant.
Also there’d obviously be a CrimeBoys plot and adoption of Tommy into the family (bye bye Dream) which leads to her getting invited over to like. Family dinners and stuff, where the interactions are all completely cute and normal but undercut by her perspective reminding her of crimes they’ve all committed. Like-
“Phil, who had the most beautiful eyes but hands stained with the blood of approximately 3,791 people, passed her the salad with a bright smile. His son(?) continued the story of how he met a new friend. Kristin wasn’t sure if the story was in or out of masks, and she was scared to ask at this point.”
I especially want her to and Phil to reflect the two main approaches to changing the world, where you could either completely destroy the system in place (villains, anarchy) and forcefully restart, or you could tackle an issue at its lowest (if the world is full of corrupt people, change the people from a young age)
sapnap, throwing their head into y/n's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!
y/n, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are
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tommy: Are you ready to commit?
y/n: Like, a crime, suicide, or a relationship?
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y/n: Do you want to know your gay name?
ranboo: My... my gay name?
y/n: Yeah, it's your first name-
ranboo: Haha. Very funny y/n-
y/n: *gets down on one knee* And my last name.
ranboo: Oh- oh my god.
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dream: Can you cut me some slack, y/n? I’m sort of in love.
y/n: I’m sorry, but that’s really not my problem.
dream: I’m in love with you.
y/n: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.
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tubbo: We might have gotten into a bar room brawl back in the city.
ranboo: Well, that was entirely predictable.
tubbo: One of them punched a gang member.
ranboo: tommy?
tubbo: y/n, actually.
ranboo: Oh, that was going to be my second guess