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zankivich · 4 years

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The Corona Diaries: An Arrangement Blurb

a/n: you asked. I listened. I’m not sure where the inspiration came for this tbh. It definitely didn’t come from shawn because....Sheesh. I kinda thing this could be fun to keep doing, at lest for now. So if you have any prompts or ideas for things you’d like to see from our two faves please do let me know. K bye.

*y/n’s point of view*

Marriage life suits you. Mostly because Shawn is understanding and kind, and because you make it a point to have sex twice aday as long as work doesn’t keep you separated. So you coast easily by treating each other with kindness and adoration, and never having an argument deeper than, “who left the bathroom light on?” and “it’s your turn to do laundry!”. Part of it actually is the nature of your jobs. Before Shawn could ever start to annoy you he’s in the studio for three months making a record, so every moment you get with him feels infinitely important, a moment you wouldn’t dare ruin with some stupid argument. And with you taking on the massive detailing of actually trying to build a label up, there’s plenty of time apart to make the time together special.

After the honeymoon, you began looking for houses together. There were a lot of needs it needed to check. Location. Kitchen for you. A place for Shawn to build a studio. It was the first time in your life where looking for a home meant looking for land, not necessarily listings on a website. You were building a home with this man, building a life for the two of you...and possibly even a family further on down the road.

When the coranavirus hit, Shawn was at home coincidentally. It was who you was in Australia visiting an artist on tour. You’ll never forget the two am, your time, facetime call from him. He was rosie cheeked with his favorite headband on, shirtless except for shorts and socks. He was cute. Not cute enough to be waking your ass up though.

“Shawn? If the world is not ending there is no reason for you to wake me up.” You mumbled adjusting to the light of your screen.

“Baby the world is ending! This corona shit is getting bad. And the government is totally in on it and they’re trying to kill us off in masses.”

You rolled your eyes and rolled over onto your back to peer at your lovely, if not crazy, husband.

“I told you to stay off tumblr. Those conspiracy theories always keep you up at night, babes.”

“So when it’s Regan and the Aids and crack epidemic it's a fact, but this is a conspiracy theory?”

“Nothing could have prepared me for my husband becoming more woke than I am.” You sighed. “What is it that you want me to do?”

“I want you to come home. Please? I think they’re gonna start pulling shit anyway. The NBA just canceled march madness, I wouldn’t be surprised if the tours are next. Please come home.”

You smiled softly at him. “You worried about me?”

“‘Course I am.” He whined. “You’re my wife, remember? Please come home, babe.”

His doe eyes, and the fact that he seemed to feel so strongly about it, made you feel like it was worth it to take him seriously. Shawn was definitely the more go-with-the-flow of the two of you. If he was taking it seriously, then maybe at the bare minimum you could cut him some slack.

“I will think on it while I sleep. We can talk about it tomorrow okay? I promise.”

He sighed, a crease in his eyebrows firm enough to cause a little worry even in your gut.

“Okay. Just...call me when you get up. I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Tomorrow only brought more headaches. It turned out that your husband wasn’t just a conspiracy theorist, but shit was really hitting the fan. The second you woke up you had to hop into a meeting with the entire team. The tour needed to be postponed. You had to get everyone home. There were over two dozen venues to speak to. A statement had to go out to the fans. Flights to figure out for hundreds of people. It was really a nightmare. And then on top of that your husband was just a bit losing his shit. By the time you got off your work phone, and to your personal phone--a reality that the ridiculousness of was not lost on you--you have sixteen missed calls, and tons of facetime requests and a lot of texts with various sad faced emojis asking if you were dead.

Long story short you got home to him and he was there waiting with open arms and an open dutch oven that had your favorite soup waiting to be eaten. The love of your life.

*Day 6 of Quarantine*

“Sweetheart?! Where’d you go?”

“In the kitchen!”

“Hey...why do you have clothes on?”

You turned around from the fridge to find that your husband was naked as the day he was born. You’d been making love for most of the day. And the soul was willing but the flesh was weak. Damn.

“I need to get away from you and that thing. Plus I wanted ice cream.” You whined.

He raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean ‘that thing’. What did I do?”

“ME. And very well might I add. My vagina is killing me.”

“Wait you’re hurt?” He mumbled immediately stepping forward.

Your husband was just the softest fucker alike. God you loved him.

“Little bit. Obviously I wasn’t asking you to stop. I just need a little break. Forget about your abs for five minutes and come eat icecream with me.”

He reached for your hips smiling softly at you as he ran his calloused fingers along your skin.

“Should I go put some pants on? I don’t think you want my dick on the furniture.”

You peered down at him in all his gorgeous glory. Your vagina practically peaked its head out in interest. Whore.

“Maybe we take dessert to the bedroom.”

“I though you were sore.” He snickered.

You rolled your eyes and ignored him in favor of heading for the bedroom.

“Grab some spoons and maybe I’ll let you eat it off of me!”

The sounds of the silverware drawer clanging open and his feet smacking against the floor was enough for you.

*Day 15 of Quarantine*

“What do you wanna do?”

“I don’t know. What do you wanna do?”

“Well...babe, I’ve picked the last three days. Maybe you could come up with something.”

You were lying in bed side by side staring up at the ceiling. Neither of you knew what time it was. You hadn’t worn anything but sweats in days. Speaking of days, you didn’t know what day it actually was. Stir-crazy didn’t even describe the mood you were in.

You turned your head to peer at him, your eyes slightly twitching in annoyance.

“But you like coming up with things to do. Every time I recommend something we always end up doing what you want to do.”

His eyebrows squinted and he leaned up onto his shoulder to peer down at you.

“Hey, that’s not true. I love doing what you wanna do. Why would you say that to me?”

You shrugged. “It’s true.”

“It is not. Stop it.”

“It’s not that big of a deal, Shawn. So, you’re the creative one of the marriage. It’s not that terrible.”

“‘Not a big deal’? You’re telling me I don’t give a shit about the things that you wanna do. What kind of dickhead doesn’t care about his wife’s interests? I specifically asked you to come up with something because I wanna do what you wanna do.”

You rolled your eyes up at the ceiling. Shawn was managing something that he very rarely did despite everything at his identity. He was pissing you off.

“Hey,” He murmured softly, nudging you. “You’re getting upset. Talk to me.”

“I don’t want to. Can we just drop it?”

“I don’t want to drop it, I want you to open up to me. Please?”

“Well that’s exactly what the fuck I just said isn’t?!” You snapped.

You sat up in bed and rushed to sit up and create distance. There’s a thing about Black women. Maybe it was present in other women too, but hell all you knew was your black ass and your black ass experience and in all your years you had seen momma, auntie, and various grandmothers a plenty do the exact same shit. It’s like there’s a ledge. A ledge where one can teeter and totter all day long, but the second you step over that ledge? You just sort of...lose your shit in a way only a Black woman can.

“Now I just got done explaining to you that when I say what I want to do, we end up doing what you wanna do, did I not?! And thennnnn you fuck around and completely ignore me telling you that I did not want to talk anymore about it, simply because it wasn’t what you wanted. Now I’m pissed off! Now I’m fucking over it.”

You reached for your pants, which he had so happily taken off earlier and got yourself in a state worthy enough of leaving the room while Shawn did everything in his power to make you stay.

“Don’t leave! Can’t we just talk about this? I’m sorry okay, I--I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No, you wanted to know what I want to do? I want to spend the next couple of hours not looking at you.”

You've been practicing slamming doors since you were a child. And had gotten your ass beat many a times for it. The way the door frame rattles when you slam it this time is an ode to the child in you that wanted to express anger freely. Ugh. Dumbass.

*three hours later*

“What is it that you’re arguing about again?” Ti asked.

The hardest part of quarantine was truly not having access to your best friend. This meant that facetime and phone calls were a must to keep you sane. And in a moment when Shawn of all people was driving you up a wall, she was truly the only person worth speaking to.

You were sitting outside in the backyard, the sun slowing going down in the background. You’d sat outside reading a book long enough for your anger to slightly dissipate. The second Tiana’s facetime came through, it awakened within you the way only a woman could understand.

You rolled your eyes up at the sky. “I already explained it to you. I hate when you make me repeat shit until I see my own lack of logic.”

She snorted. “Cause you know I’m always right.”

“Yea, whatever. He’s a dumbass and I’m right, end of story.”

“Of course. I totally agree with you girl…”

“I mean it’s true! We--we always do what he wants...I like doing what he wants cause it’s always shit I like too. Like we’ll walk down to the beach with his guitar and I get to sit in the sand and listen to him play. I don’t have to get my hair wet and he serenades me and plays whatever I ask him to. That’s my favorite thing Ti...Ugh! Why is he so stupid!”

“The love you have for that man will never cease to amaze me.” tiana sighed. “Why don’t you just go make up with him?”

“Why do I have to go?! He’s the one who tried to make me talk before I was ready. He should respect my boundaries dammit.”

“Yea. You’re absolutely right, he should. You should tell him that. Calmly. And rationally. In sickness and health and holy matrimony. Remember?”

“. . . I don’t like you anymore, you know that?”

“Bitch get off my line and go make up with your man. I’m finna start charging you for this shit.”

You flipped her off in the camera and she cackled and hung on you. Wench.

You made your way to the one place you went when you weren’t sure about something, or you were frustrated at all in the world. The kitchen.

Shawn was still nowhere to be seen and the weight of Ti’s words hadn’t quite settled in yet, at least not consciously. Perhaps your subconscious knew something you didn’t because your hands immediately went to pulling out bread flour, butter, and yeast to make your famous sticky buns, which just happened to be Shawn’s favorite.

*meanwhile upstairs*

*Shawn’s point of view*

He’d been playing guitar for hours. His heart was a little sad, his ego a little wounded, and there was still a bit of anger that felt irrational and rational at the same time. He kept thinking she would appear, on tip toes with her fingers drowning in her favorite sweater and the full rounded flesh of her thighs out for the world to see because who needs pants? But as the sun went down, and his mood sour’d, he had to switch his tactic. Should he apologize? He’d tried that already. And it had resulted in her going the fuck off on him. Should he just get on his knees and beg for forgiveness? Tell her how fragile he was, and how much it hurt to think he hadn’t been listening to her? They had never really fought before, not since committing to one another. He was a bit at a loss.

It’s not until he smells the cinnamon that he perks up a little bit. Cinnamon means one thing and one thing only. His wife was somewhere stress baking. He put the guitar down and toed his way towards the kitchen in search of her.

She was humming to herself as she sprinkled sanding sugar on her newest creation. She was so pretty to him. Like stunning type pretty. He was afraid of alerting her to his presence just in case she took the pleasure of staring away from him. She still made him nervous even now. How the hell did she manage to still make him nervous?

“I can feel you ya know.” She murmured softly.

He bit his lip and made his way slowly to the island which separated him from her side of the kitchen.

“What do you mean, ‘feel’ me?”

She turned around and there was suddenly a plate with two sticky buns on them. He smiled at the treat but also at the fact that she was speaking to him again. Had he mentioned that she was pretty?

“I just know when you’re around. My body knows when you’re around...It gets happy for some reason.” She snorted softly. “My heart rate slows, I breathe a little easier. That kinda shit. Sticky bun?”

“Thank you.” He said and tited his head so that he could make eye contact with her.

For a moment they eat in silence, enjoying the amazingness that was her food, and also because somehow they still got shy around each other sometimes. But he knew that there was an elephant in the room, and that if he had any hope of going to bed wrapped around his wife than they needed to talk and fast.

“Look I...I’m really sorry if I made you upset earlier. I shouldn’t have pushed and prodded at you like that. Obviously we’re both going a little crazy cooped inside the house all day, and we’re probably gonna start to get on each other’s nerves. It’s inevitable. But, I never in a million years want you to think that I wouldn’t do whatever you wanted. Some of my favorite days of our life together are watching movies while you detangle and braid your hair or when we’re in the kitchen, getting to watch you make stuff. I guess it just made me feel insecure as your husband that it sounded like I was hogging all our time together.” He mumbled. “I don’t wanna be a shitty husband to you. I love you so much ya know?”

She bit her lip and played with her food. The feelings talk was a bit harder for her sometimes, something he respected, but sometimes had to push her away from. The only way to really do that was to be open and honest, to show her that he cared about whatever was going on in that beautiful, intelligent head of hers.

“I know...I know how much you love me, and I know we never fight because we always talk first and work things out. And usually I would’ve done that! I think--I think I’m just getting a little stir crazy. I’m used to going going going and always having something to do. When I said you always pick what we do, I didn’t even mean it as an insult. I meant that you have a way of knowing what I want without ever having to ask. Like the day you decided to do a scary movie marathon? It was your idea, and I didn’t think of it but...it was perfect. I just got frustrated that you weren’t understanding me and then that you weren’t listening to me.” She whined, face scrunching up in frustration. “I just wanted you to hear it and it felt like you weren’t hearing me. Usually no one understands me better.”

He nodded vehemently, leaning into her space until his forehead nestled against her. She laid her hand upon his arm and ran her fingers through his arm hair. They each hummed a little, releasing the breath of a heavy day

“I don’t want anyone to. I want to know you as intimately as I can.” He whispered.

She smiled. “You do, babes. It’s why I love you so much.”

“I love you too. I’m sorry. I’ll do my best to listen better okay?”

“Thank you. And I’ll do my best to say what’s on my mind before I go slamming doors.”

He snorted softly. “You’ve got a hell of an arm though, aye?”

“Mhm. That’ll teach you not to fuck with me boy.”

“Would never, my darling.”

***

Permanent taglist

@simpledomain @liliane106 @thecurlsofgod @kamahriii @sinplisticshawn @lifeoftheparty74 @xeuphorically-moonstruck @euphoric05 @daijanicole @bruhh-whateven @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @decewill @goldiean @bitchacho25 @bruhh-whateven @justbeingoceana @loveylangdon @iloveshawnieboi @justbeingoceana @september-lace @valedictorian65 @disaster-rose @dimestorebieber22 @MixerMani @qcoachcartier @kamahriii @sinplisticshawn @lifeoftheparty74 @justbeingoceana

Arrangement Taglist:

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@claredolphinbear24 @peterbrokenparker @blackharry @shawnwyr @speakingofmari @moniehp @softmendesss @ydolansss @chonmnds @MixerMani @kitykatnumber @lanallaa @palhacomendes @mendesficsxbombay @moniehp @alessiaase

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flying-elliska · 5 years

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Ok I caught up with wtfock s3 because well, it felt weird to leave unfinished (except a few clips i just didn’t want to watch, like the attack one). here’s what worked and didn’t for me (i’m pretty critical so don’t read if that sort of thing upsets you or you’re not in the mood) because i still think having this story remade so often is an unprecendented storytelling experiment worth thinking about even when it doesn’t entirely work (and i think argumented criticism is good, but if you post hate about the actors/fans etc you really suck tbh) :

- to start with positives : like many said, the acting was pretty damn good. overall wtfock has a really solid cast. the willems have succeeded in creating an onscreen queer intimacy that feels very believable, no holds barred and no awkwardness, and they have to be commended for that. there’s a lot of chemistry and tension at first between them, which then turns into something very soft and sweet and puppy-love-like. it was nice seeing Robbe evolve and the sweet bean energy that emanates from how the actor plays him is very very powerful. i also loved the warmth of the flatshare, and as a Dutchie I just adored the Sinterklaas bits, it was so funny and i loved the found family vibes. warmth is just something they do really well, esp with the last clips, perfume shopping, playing board games, the party at the end. They use the Christmassy vibes really well. the cinematography has its moments too, contrasts between warm and cold, the episode at the beach is gorgeous, the sequence in the tunnel, the light on their faces when they are in that classroom surrounded by drawings. wtfock as a whole is also good at creating some very lovable secondary characters, be it Milan, Yasmina, Noor, or especially king Senne. So, I do understand that there are things to love about this remake, which is probably why my disappointment feels so strong. I really wanted to care about these characters in their journey.

- on to the controversial : i don’t necessarily fault them for wanting to show a more prononced aspect of homophobia. i think the debate about this often lacks nuance. on one hand, this is the sixth remake, and homophobia is something that is still often prevalent, and having one remake show that out of six is not in itself a problem. on the other, yes, happy fluffy stories are important, but sometimes people who have gone through stuff like this also need to see their experiences represented. the power of skam is that it shows difficult experiences BUT ALSO a happy ending. that can be very healing, i think, compared to other stories which focus only on the drama. the trouble is, i don’t think they dealt with it very well, or put any effort into processing the consequences of these harrowing things. and if you don’t, it feels cheap.

- on to my main gripe : the writing. previsible, i know. but to me, essential. and this is not about them ‘changing things’ - i like when remakes change stuff, when they do it well. the thing is, i have been burned too many times before. and when i sense that the writing is being wack, it makes it automatically much harder for me to invest emotionally in the characters. and simply put there were signs early on that made me distrust the writers. for starters, the first two episodes gave me a feeling that they didn’t have their priorities in order. the POV-immersion and depth is one of the most powerful aspects of skam, and it was lost. too many early clips felt out of Robbe’s perspective, and when it was him it was about Noor ; a few clips to show his discomfort were on point, but there were too many of them, and there were repetitive, losing time on what isn’t really an essential part of Robbe’s journey. and while they were spending time on clips that felt like misery flavored filler, they decided several times to condense original clips focused on Isak and Even, together ; like their first meeting and then their first hangout, or later in the series OHN and the minute by minute talk. and i think their story suffered from that. i think because they don’t have a real discussion early on, the buildup of their relationship feels mostly based on physical attraction. and while it certainly is a thing that happens, it just isn’t my fave love story thing. i missed the sweet pining from afar and tension that makes later drama believable. it felt like they brought the drama comparatively too fast without enough character work to make it worthwhile. Also there is just too much time spent on Zoenne drama, and their breakup seems like it foreshadows the dreaded s4 love triangle, which, yikes. the focus is all over the place, the rythm felt incoherent.

- what’s more, they decided to introduce pretty grave elements of plot, like Robbe using slurs against Sander, the homophobic attack, the suicidal urges on both their sides, Sander kissing Britt while he was still saying I love you to Robbe in the morning, without either proper build up or resolution. It made it all feel cheap, jarring, and unearned, especially when they didn’t put trigger warnings or made jokes about it on insta or waited forever to give news about the characters being ok. it felt like drama for the sake of drama, and definitely not written with a vulnerable audience of queer teens in mind. and at the same time, when it came to the ‘big scenes’ of their relationship, like the first kiss or the universes talk or sander’s episode, it felt more or less lifted from OG without a lot of effort made to adapt it to them. i actually quit live watching/blogging after the first kiss scene, because of how similar it was, and how uninspired it felt, and lukewarm. it felt like a lack of imagination. when it came to OHN, the scene in itself was lovely, but the weird time gap, random timing and people seemingly doing nothing after a suicidal Sander disappeared, sort of broke it for me. In the OG the combo of buildup, longing, realisation, fear, release works so well in a sequence, and splitting it over time really diluted it, to me. Similarly the quickly thrown out ‘life is now’ at the ending felt sort of out of nowhere, while in OG it was such a lovely bookend, him apologizing to Eva and reflecting on his growth. The symbolism, which ties everything so beautifully together in themes of rebirth, salvation, baptism, union, faith, deciding your own narrative in OG, here feels inconsistent. There is an attempt I see, something about wasteland vs. warmth/family, but it’s often absent of main clips. It’s nowhere near as coherent as it could be.

- all of this builds up to the main problem for me, of the season. which is, i didn’t really get into Robbe and Sander’s relationship. Or their individual arcs for that matter. When it comes to Robbe, I guess he just isn’t my type of character. I feel like he is missing the fire of an Isak. A lot of the time he just felt too passive, like he let other characters make his decisions. I was waiting for him to stand up for himself more than he did. And there are too many scenes of another character doing his coming out for him. And then Sander ; I have to say I don’t understand all the love his character gets. Maybe because that’s because he sort of gives me Dutch fuckboi vibes...but there were several times he just came accross as a flat out asshole. I found him intriguing in his intro clip, chaotic and charming, but that never really went where i expected it to. i didn’t get his passion, what drew him to art. the symbolism around his character - basically Bowie, and drawing Robbe, and Chernobyl (which is a bit tasteless imho, turning a tragedy like that into a cutesy romantic thing), feels ...disjointed, and shallow to me. Like I never really got into it. And maybe some people did and noticed deeper links but to me, I got stuck at the surface. I saw a lot of interesting theories with what was going on with him but in the end they just copied OG. And I’m sad to say, but he ended up feeling like a manic pixie dream boy cliché to me, and i just didn’t understand what drew them to each other so strongly. Yes, Robbe is caring and Sander is in need of care, but that feels like a very reductive reproduction of OG. Beyond that...i don’t know. Certain complexities of the OG i loved just...were sanded away, like Isak being ignorant about MI and learning compassion. This just...didn’t feel like it had the same depth, and often felt like soapy teenage drama, leaning too hard and too lazily on the actors’ chemistry. i like my romances wordy and solidly enmeshed in character development, and this was not it. It never felt like they had a real conversation about things, esp after the drama.

- i think this is the first remake that made me actually angry for reasons not related to problematic cast shit, and so i’m trying to analyze that emotion. for me it comes down to too much drama, too heavy handed. Too much of the boy squad being shitty to Robbe, too much Noor, too much filler clips without any deeper meaning, too much things distracting from getting to know the main characters and going into their issues in depth. They changed stuff, but didn’t have the guts to actually follow through. They broke the mold but only in ways that ended up feeling shallow and unconsequential. Like I would have loved seeing Robbe go to therapy ! see his mom ! Zoe and Robbe go to the police together ! Sander have a complicated home situation ! or doing a Bowie related art installation to express his feelings of alienation ! seeing more of the underground graffiti scene ! or just...something, idk. And them also removing the faith-related themes also felt disappointing. and the ohn clip taking place in the place where sander draws feels very....basic to me, even if it was pretty. very ‘oh he’s an artist, here is his safe place’....hm, okay. I didn’t like that they made Britt into such a villain, I didn’t like how the boy squad showed no care for Robbe whatsoever for weeks until the plot said it was time for them to be redeemed in a way that felt too jarring, and I didn’t like that they made Moyo so horrible but redeemed him so easily. I actually thought they would show that it’s okay to separate yourself from friends who are that bigoted, because it just shows they are not willing to care for people. And him suddenly saying those sweet and mature things felt too out of characters and a ahah ‘gotcha’ rather than depth . I didn’t like that Robbe, too, was made so virulent by his internalized homophobia but got over it so quickly. I think what disappointed me most, in the end, was that I kept picking up potential and the show kept doing absolutely nothing with it, or confirming my fears, and it made me feel stupid and out of tune with whatever they were doing. And it’s, to me, symptomatic in modern storytelling of a trend to privilege shocks and twists over inner coherence and build up. And it makes for...Very underwhelming stuff, in the end.

- all in all, i think this remake illustrates why s3 of OG is not as easy to remake as it sounds. it’s very intricate machinery, with a pitch perfect rhythm (and an extremely passionate nitpicky fanbase lmao). and if you don’t get all the parts of why it’s so great, you’re going to lose a lot of it. (and all the remakes ended losing up stuff in translation ; more or less compensated by inventivity and charm of their own.) so many mainstream press articles praise the real time/social media format and the ‘real talk about teen issues’ which, yeah, is part of the success, but doesn’t explain the devotion on its own. there’s the way the story uses real time to build up a storytelling rythm that feels organic and makes sense as if it was part of the lives of the viewer. There’s foreshadowing and aftershocks. Wtfock often feels like they wrote the clip numbers on darts and randomly threw them at a week planner. If an episode of a regular series ends on a cliffhanger, we can be thrilled and frustrated and put it aside for next week. but if you end an episode with a character shown to be suicidal, or you don’t show them being okay after a beating, for hours or days, that’s the emotion you leave your viewers with, because skam is a continuous experience. and remakes who pile on drama moments without respite (looking at you too skamfr s4) don’t get how tiring and disengaging this can be, in this format. skam worked so well because of how benevolent it was, on the whole. and also, cheeky, with that ‘don’t take it too seriously’ deflating humor. grumpy isak in ‘hate me now’ mode getting bumped into. this lightness and comedy often feels missing here. also my god the social media is absolutely terrible. plus...there is too much filler. honestly, them having more time, on the whole...ended up being a bad thing. Plus Wtfock feels like it has so much more unadressed plot points, like...why did Sander change his mind exactly and kiss Britt again ? How did Robbe’s mom react ? Who did the attack ? What is happening w Senne now ? etc. And it feels like they just missed the fact that OG, however subtly, did adress those things.

- now, don’t get me wrong, i’m happy it’s popular in Belgium. On the whole it’s still a beautiful story of love and acceptance. and that people found something in it that spoke to them. but as a remake, it’s probably one of the most disappointing yet, to me. and i sort of...don’t get the hype. and i don’t want to be too ‘oh cute boys kissing’ cynical about it. but i think this illustrates why in the end, this is also very subjective. there are probably things i missed because i didn’t feel the need to examine it in depth or do the extra emotional work that comes with being a devoted fan of something. and some of their choices made me angry, and i’m not forgiving when it comes to these things. i still wish them success for s4 and whatever else, but i don’t think i will watch live, at least unless it gets really rave reviews about their treatment of Yasmina’s season. i mean they got s2 right, who knows?

#wtfock #also i'm willing to discuss this reasonably but any sort of hate will be deleted on sight lol #i thought a lot about posting this or not but then i was like well this is my blog and i have a lot of emotions about this #so i needed to process

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shorkshork · 4 years

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This is from @/femmme and it’s for anons to ask blogs but you know what? I like oversharing

1. What’s your sexual orientation? I am ace/aro

2. What are you obsessed with right now? Sharks! and honestly any other animal

3. Ever done any drugs? do antidepressants and mood stabilizers count

4. What piercings do you want? I want maybe a few more ear piercings? right now I have six.

5. How many people have you kissed? 0

6. Describe your dream home. Cabin in the woods. small, cozy.

7. Who are you jealous of? Everyone.

8. What’s your favorite show to binge? I don’t like tv shows!!! I like movies and my favorite movie to repeat right now is Venom!

9. Do you watch porn? haha absolutely

10. Do you have a secret sideblog? this IS my secret sideblog

11. If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go? the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam, the Schonnbrunn palm palace in Austria, or the Garfield conservatory in Chicago.

12. What’s one of your fantasies? Sitting in a cozy cabin in the woods, drinking hot cocoa, my dog by my feet as we sit in front of the fireplace. I’m content, there is peace, I don’t mind being alive.

13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced? Probably not! I have sensory issues and the only area the I can handle getting pierced are my ears and dermal piercings on my back!

14. How would you spend a million dollars? I would be a philanthropist. Start a company and only employ homeless/disabled people who aren’t able to get a job. Hire them only with the stipulation that they allow me to help them find therapies and ways to get their life on track and help them be at peace with their traumas.

15. Are you in a relationship? HAH no

16. Do you follow porn blogs? HAH yes

17. Are you angry with anyone right now? HAH I don’t think so #Ihavenoemotionalintelligence

18. What tattoos do you want? idk!

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to? Absolutely, I would change it to Leo

20. What is something you’re obsessed with? Sharks, Tigers, Snakes, Octopus.

21. Describe your best friend. I don’t think I have one - I’m far too annoying for anyone to let me have that type of residence in their life.

22. Tag someone you think is hot. NO

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists? Hozier, NCT 127, AJR, ummm Lauv, Hailee Steinfeld

24. What are three places you want to travel? Amsterdam, Austria, and Ireland.

25. Describe your perfect Friday night. I have the energy to write or read, I’ve already gone on a long walk with my dog, I come home and shower and then put on a face mask and watch a movie while occasionally pausing to write.

26. What’s your favorite season? Winter

27. What’s your pet peeve? PEOPLE!!!! MEANDERING!!!! IN!!! THE!! GROCERY!!! STORE!!!! WALK WITH PURPOSE

28. Who is the funniest person you know? Me

29. What’s the most overrated movie? Highschool Musical, The Princess Bride, there’s probably more tbh but I’m tired and stupid

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message. NO

31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better? I like paper books. I have an entire authors collection of like 12 books and a Giant bookshelf where I collect paperbacks.

32. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick? oh boy. Howls moving castle.

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like? minimalist.

34. What’s your coffee order? Right now? From Dutch Bro’s, a medium vanilla matcha latte, blended please with no whipped cream.

35. Do you have a crush on anyone? HAH no

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? HAH no I don’t even have an ex

37. Have any tattoos? no

38. Do you drink? water? yes

39. Are you a virgin? HAH yes

40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals? HAH platonic crush?

41. How many followers do you have? bitch if I know

42. Describe the hottest person you know. BUT EVERYONES HOT HOW DO I-

43. What’s your guilty pleasure? petting animals

44. Do you read erotica? HAH yes

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on? I have never been on a date I am far too ugly and shy

46. How many people do you follow? 73

47. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick? none of them. However, I would like to be friends with Hozier

48. Describe your ideal partner. no.

49. Who do you text the most? probably my mom.

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather? COLD, RAINY, SNOWY, OVERCAST

#I like oversharing #yay!

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lolacouldnotcareless · 4 years

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Tagged by this sweet @isthisatlantis, thank you dear 🧡🎶

Rule: you can only repeat one artist and only one time, so we can all kind of spread new music to the people we tag. Try to listen to at least one of the songs people rec here.

1) one song you loved the first time you listened to and never got tired of?

warmth - bastille (orchestral version)

2) one song you cry every time you listen or makes you emotional?

love of my life - queen. it’s ridiculous. i still get teary, and there’s still, you know, something blocked in my throat when i sing it for goddamn’s sake. i’m not even in love (to my knowledge, which doesn’t say much), never have felt as strongly romantically speaking for someone else. and here i am, tears streaming down my face, feeling as if i had been broken in so many tiny pieces. that’s why i’d like to slow-dance in the arms of my partner (who hasn’t made theirself known to me yET) (what do you mean i have to be social pls don’t) on that song. (yes i’m single and all i want is to be held and to hold someone in my arms and just be at peace with each other. damn i feel pitiful. you know i half regret writing this bc it’s so close to my heart but if i erased everything now i’d feel strangely dishonnest so can we ignore this and go to the next song thanks)

3) one song that always makes you happy/smile?

hope world - j-hope. i tried but i literally couldn’t think rn of any other song that, despite the smile, didn’t make me go ouch at the same time, as in this example: 曲尽陈情 / qu jin chen qing - xiao zhan.

4) one song that you would dedicate to your best friend and/or your family?

maisie peters - take care of yourself (acoustic version).

5) one song with a production (the sounds, the beat, the mood) you love?

the night before - hooverphonic

6) one song with perfect, amazing, outstanding lyrics?

l’assasymphonie - mozart l’opéra rock. listen. i’m not a fan of how french generally sounds when sung. but. those lyrics. not only they’re actually well-written, they actually sound good. i once spent a whole evening/night analysing the structure and sounds of the lyrics as one does, just to understand why it sounded so good to my ears. and there are so many songs that i love the lyrics from, that i think they are outstanding in their meaning and construction, but few things can top a french song with well-written, well-structured lyrics that are a real pleasure to listen to. (bts absolutely can but i need them elsewhere) well all of that to say that it’s nice to have good lyrics but they need to sound beautiful too lol. i’m sorry for rambling so much on that matter. it’s just the literature student who has two classes dealing with poetry this semester jumping out. if you need a translation hmu lol

7) one song that you would recommend to anyone?

lullaby for a cat - epik high (unedited version)

8) one song you don’t understand why you like so much but you do anyway?

fire - wang yibo. i don’t understand. still the first song i listen to while house cleaning or some shit. still singing it at the top of my lungs. still don’t understand why i like it so much, he has better songs. still.

9) one song that you think people in general wouldn’t like but you do?

marieke - jacques brel (the version entirely in dutch). once upon a time i knew it all by heart. now i’m afraid that my very small graps of dutch language has desintegrated itself because i literally haven’t used it for the last 6 years.

10) one song people normally like and you don’t like or hate?

señorita - camila cabello & shawn mendes. tbh idk if people really liked this song but i used to hear it everywhere and absolutely hated it. i don’t like anything about it. it’s visceral. can’t explain.

11) one song you would call a masterpiece?

spring day - bts. this song has everything. it’s been years and still. it still makes me emotional, i can still feel the longing, the lyrics are nothing but perfection, it’s one of the songs i sometimes sing the melody to myself without noticing when i’m simply happy. i cry, i smile. it’s so calming in a way, like a balm on a injury, on a scar. and i love the melody so much.

12) one song you recently (last 30 days max) discovered and really liked it?

迎刃 toward the blade - zhou shen. absolutely love his voice.

13) one song you listen to to get pumped like you wanna tear down the fucking government or something?

thnks fr th mmrs - fall out boy.

i tag: @sarebellion, @ivy-lavender, @theadventuresofadreamer, @rasgullaa, @ephemeralsolitude, @nurnocheinkeks, @jiminielatte, @everythiiingoes, @shadowhunterboysya, @tardis--dreams, @vtae-hyungs, @imspartawssem, @lenaferever

#tag games #dude that's fucking hard #love you and thank you tho <3 #one day i'll stop giving details and developing answers that no one cares about bUT it's not today ;p #i've tagged some of you that i don't tag usually but hey we can all use a bit of distraction; no?#if you don't want to don't do it <3 #hey btw it would be so nice and kind of you to give me some songs you like in your mother tongue #i'm curious but i don't know where to start #as you can guess i'm not particularly difficult and i'm willing to give a chance to any genre so don't let that block you #me: *trying to think about happy songs*#my brain: this bitch empty yEET #literally took me two hours to find a happy song wtf i need to sleep and drink some water and to have some kind of structure

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aletaevers · 5 years

Text

( cisfemale ) haven’t seen ALETA 'PIXIE' EVERS around in a while. the FREYA MAVOR lookalike has been known to be (+) DRIVEN & (+) RESILIENT, but SHE can also be (-) VAIN & (-) UNRELENTING. The 22 year old is a JUNIOR majoring in NURSING. I believe they’re living in TERRA FIRMA, but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( james. 20. EST. she/they. )

i’m......so excited......................like i LOVE aleta and im so iskdjfg !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pleathe give this a like if u’d like to plot w/ her !!! esp if u have a hendrix bb as they’d know her more ... obv

TW: child abuse, alcoholism, death, violence, grief. just some really tragic shit, man. self loathing.

a e s t h e t i c s

french-pane windows and ivy-coated bricks, silk pajama sets and champagne bubbles, wind through hair and constant, constant running; red cards and penalties, explosive words and hair-tugging, tear-soaked pillows and red eyes in empty bathrooms, the smell of roses and death, loose curls and sharp scissors, fairy tales and their endings -- how bittersweet, nails against desks, against backs, nails down a chalkboard, nails breaking skin. thrown fists and bruised knuckles, late night cereal-runs, getting lost in the woods, sleeping in fields. choking down insults, forced smiles, a wish for comfort.

general information !!

full name: aleta marit evers

nickname(s): pixie, tbd

b.o.d. - june 17th, grand ol’ gemini

label(s): the vixen, the amaranth, the hellcat, etc. etc.

height: 5′8″ tbh

hometown: giethoorn, netherlands

sexuality: bi as hell

stats

biography !!

all aleta has ever wanted was to be happy. to just, for once--be content.

born to anton evers, a well-known neurosurgeon and eleanor evers (nee du pont), a talented actress appearing on several tv shows in her youth -- privilege is, essentially, her middle name

her parents met on the set of a hospital show, anton a consultant and eleanor a ‘patient’; it was the kind of love that was volatile and loud and known -- dangerous, in the end, maybe.

this was only possible because eleanor had always dreamed of being a star, instead of inheriting her families’ horse racing business; which thus resulted in her traveling across an entire ocean to pursue her dreams where there wasn’t already a name made for her.

lil fun facts about the evers: anton’s older brother is a partner with their father at evers & evers, and his younger brother is koninklijke marechaussee.

life was normal in the beginning; eleanor had her firstborn, rhys -- a son, which made anton happy. then, her second born, aleta -- a daughter, which made anton less happy. a few years after aleta came laurel, another daughter. and that was that.

it was supposed to be the three of them.

anton evers, in all his glory -- was nothing more than a no-good cheater with a bad temper and a lack of empathy. which, of course, led to his numerous affairs with one of his nurses. which -- in turn, led to the birth of one ramona evers, only to be discovered six years later.

pre-ramona: when the kids got too much for eleanor, she’d let them fall into the hands of the nannies. plural, as there were many; not all willing to deal with three spoiled devils from the deepest pits of hell. she loved her children, but god, was she not built for motherhood. eleanor spent her days drinking wine and champagne, excessively, while the nannies chased after mud-coated children and faced their tantrums head-first.

their house was old and ~vintage~ and more like a mansion than anything else, a backyard leading into woods--countless woods. this is where aleta spent most of her time, when she got sick of rhys pulling her pigtails and him refusing to play knights and princes with her.

after a severe accident, ramona was suddenly left motherless and thus: custody went to anton. it came to a shock to the entire family, but eleanor the most -- she’d gone six years unknowing of the fact that her husband had another child.

it was like watching their mother turn into a completely different person overnight -- while never cruel to her own children, eleanor was relentless towards ramona. whether it were insults or nails dug into arms; more often than not a martini glass in her hand.

aleta had always loved her mother -- even with nannies looking after her more often than not. in her eyes, her mother and father had a marriage that fairy tales were based off of. anton worked often, but everyday he’d bring home flowers for eleanor; their home was essentially a garden; vases and vases of roses.

if her mother hated ramona then aleta hated ramona. rhys had begun closing up and laurel, out of fear than anything else, stayed clear of the soap opera that was now their life.

these were aleta’s nightmare child gone extreme years. unapologetically violent towards any other student who dared step in her way, she took what she wanted and was a typical bully throughout her school years. she was essentially just. a really angry brat. with dyslexia, which also made school Hard which in turn made her Hate School.

more often than not, she was alone at home. more often than not, she was in the woods. they were her only source of peace. it was in the woods that she met vos. whether that was his real name, she didn’t know. she didn’t care. he’d gotten his foot stuck in a rabbit hole, and she’d gotten it out. and from that point, they were friends. it was like a fairy tale, which aleta had always been big on. she went by duif, going along with his shenanigans.

together they played knights and princes (aleta, always the knight. always. vos, the prince. always.) practically everyday until sundown, where they’d part ways.

throughout this all, eleanor had been getting worse. her alcoholism had taken an extreme turn for the worst.

when aleta was 12, she found her mother dead. she doesn’t remember much, just red wine mimicking blood and pearls strewn across the room, shattered glass and her own screaming sobs.

the day after the funeral, they moved.

aleta was, essentially, alone in the world after that. rhys had gone off with the bad sort of crowd and had no time for his mourning sister; he was grieving in his own way. laurel had befriended their neighbor, eva, and aleta had immediately taken a dislike towards her. she thought she looked like a rat. aleta told eva that much. and ramona was...off doing ramona things, avoiding her family by any means necessary.

time sort of...flew, after that. aleta channeled her anger through sports--and as she got older, into parties and general reckless activity involving alcohol and whatnot. grief still hung heavy in her throat, but she put on a mask of cynical coldness and became known as the resident bitch. it fit her. she didn’t care.

her moods calmed a bit as she entered university, but not by much tbh.

uuhhh hmmm. met tiago through her brother, and only pursued him because she had overheard ramona gushing to either laurel or eva or whomever the fuck about her little ~faraway crush~. so, like, obviously aleta fucked him? and somehow! they wound up dating! she’s very much in love with him, which terrifies her because she’s very scared of loving someone.

also...........uh......................may have gotten ramona expelled out of sheer pettiness. more on that later. :~)

personality !!

frank, rude, and spiteful -- at least she’s honest. even if her comments are riddled in backhanded compliments and eye-rolling.

she’s not the....easiest person to befriend. has a habit of really only paying much attention to people she finds interesting; if you bore her then you’re out! thanks for playing!

despite how off-putting she can be, she’s pretty well-known. whether its because of her viciousness on the field in the many, many sports she has played for hendrix, or her presence at parties, or ‘cos she made your cousin or best friend or whomever cry in the bathroom, or y’know. her famous, dead mom.

doesn’t...seem to have a problem with her reputation? likes being seen as this tough, untouchable person.

is soft with very very few people, like, maybe three at the max? and she’s not even soft towards her siblings so difjgkh. one of these people is obv tiago.

she’s endlessly loyal, even if she does flirt with other people to make her bf jealous ?? like, she’d never actually cheat. not after what her father did to her mother. does it excuse her actions ?? fuck no. she’s still a bad person

hates her dad so yay !! daddy issues. p sure papa evers is part of a secret society but, y’know. just dad things.

she’s....very emotional. very prone to sudden spouts of just, anger. it doesn’t take a lot to piss her off, and she’s not a particularly friendly whirlpool.

cries a lot tbh. usually before she sleeps, or in the shower, or in one of the campus bathrooms. doesn’t let people see her cry but like...it’s also not surprising to catch her fixing her eyeliner in the bathroom after an episode.

she’s just in general p moody ?? petty ?? will talk shit to you in dutch, even if u fucking speak it. she doesn’t care. would probably spread a rumor about u just for funsies.

she’s gr8 at parties, usually ‘cos shes too crossed to be actively mean.

like, okay, i’ve made her out to be pretty Horrible but hbjnfdmgh she isn’t going to look at your character and just. start beating them down with words n fists and shit, y’know ?? she might be thinking it, but she’s not That impulsive

is apathetic at best towards most people otherwise, like, idk -- if she doesn’t have a reason, even if its a very small reason, she won’t bother with you.

this VIDEO right fucking here. GOD. that’s an aleta vibe. it’s probably not something she’d say but just. the tone ?? awful. it gave me flashbacks to middle school when i watched that video.

has a sketchbook which is essentially anatomy notes and like, lil doodles n shit of fantasy scenery n shit

kinda...escapes into her mind sometimes ?? is still in love w the concept of fairy tales and perfect love and just. happiness. like she’s kind of obsessed with it ?? with the perfect image ?? which, hence, leads to her illustrating it. hence why she’s just so. in love. hence why she sabotages everything for herself too ‘cos ! she just sort of hates herself and knows nothing will ever be magical and perfect and shit.

so like, big secret fantasy nerd. probably has tried to sing with birds once when nobody was looking. she cant even sing. she shower sings and like maybe the bathroom acoustics make her sound not horrible but ?? she’s mediocre at best. it’s tragic, really.

there’s sm more, like, she’s just got a lot of feelings and contradicting personality points and she’s udfjighk she’s annoying. that’s what she is. aleta is CANCELED

ok ok ok but GOD is she good at sports ?? like genuinely just. she does like, track, hockey, lacrosse, tennis prolly idk, maybe other shit. and like granted she gets angry n then gets penalized for almost beating a girl down but isjkdfg she’s good at sports

got the nickname ‘pixie’ on the field ‘cos shes fast and also has bitten a few people and is just very aggressive

EDIT: i forgot to mention that she !! stopped relying on her father for money (this does not include....stealing from him, which she most definitely does!!) and she’s kinda paying for things w/ savings and like...soon, she’ll get a job, i promise uhdfijfkg

wanted connections !!

like...two close friends. pleathe, for her sanity.

uuuuuHHH god, just enemies of all sorts. ex-friends or never-friends or exes before tiago. people she’s talked shit about, or spread shit about

maybe she fucking poured her alcohol on ur muses’ head during a party

GOD i don’t know she drops people so much !!

other....friends, y’know, that she isn’t ~close~ to, but she gets along with fairly well

people she flirts with to make her bf jealous !! because she’s awful !!

temptations...b/c commitment is difficult for her b/c of y’know. her parents. not an actual affair but just...y’know. checking each other out, flirtatious banter, the whole ‘no i can’t ive got a boyfriend’ and shit like that.

teammates !!

dead parents club.

somebody who caught her crying in the bathroom hfdjgkh whether theyre concerned for some fucking reason or r straight up like ‘lmao...u deserve it’

ummm give me rhys ?? and laurel ?? or people who know them

rhys is a drug dealer so like.............she prolly knows a few ppl who get their drugs from him

friends of ramona’s before she uh . . . disappeared / got expelled

good influences who r like ‘stop being such a fucking dick aleta get ur shit together’

cousins !! she prolly has a ton

maybe......an online friend ?? who shes known for a while ??

bad influences who r like >:3 yes stay angry. stay bad. here, break this fucking window with this bat. yes, good.

literally i will take anything sjkfdg

people she’s tormented ??? has bullied ?? has embarrassed ???

#water:intro #child abuse tw #alcoholism tw #death tw #grief tw #violence tw

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astralgloss · 6 years

Note

im a curious meanie so 1-134 muhahaha you get to relive the hell i just went through

etab i haTE U

1: Name

my name is marit lol but please just keep it mar

2: Age

i am 17 but i’ll b 18 in 2 months!!!!

3: 3 Fears

the dark, complete and utter loneliness, and clowns

4: 3 things I love

books, forest fruit tea, the sound of rain

5: 4 turns on

a nice smile that reaches the eyes, a nice smell, having a dog ngl, a soft touch

6: 4 turns off

extreme arrogance, insisting to pay for my meal if i want to pay bc its “what a man should do”, forcing lifestyles on me, not caring about my interests

7: My best friend

she does have tumblr but idk it but hey demi if u ever see this ur the bomb.com

8: Sexual orientation

im bi fam

9: My best first date

my bf and i went to amsterdam to go shopping and he followed me everywhere (even the bookshop even though he hates books) and idk i just love him it was a nice day

10: How tall am I

im 1,65m or 5′4″ but i can and will kick ur ass

11: What do I miss

nothing really??

12: What time was I born

ok so i asked my mom and she said i was born on a tuesday at exactly 12pm but i bet she’s lying

13: Favorite color

yellow!! im basic!!

14: Do I have a crush

well i sure hope so @ boyfriend

15: Favorite quote

to the stars who listen, and the dreams that are answered

16: Favorite place

my bf’s house tbh, specifically his bed

17: Favorite food

pizza, specifically the hot chicken one from ny pizza

18: Do I use sarcasm

nah fam (ofc i do im a little shit)

19: What am I listening to right now

god is a woman by ariana grande

20: First thing I notice in new person

how they look at other people when those people don’t notice it

21: Shoe size

38/39 idk the other size lol sorry

22: Eye color

its blue but it changes with my mood (oh my god im so sorry im kidding please don’t hate me)

23: Hair color

im a blondie

24: Favorite style of clothing

sth casual but also a bit towards the punkish style, but i also rlly love looking tiny and soft and cute lol

25: Ever done a prank call?

ok so there’s this hotline for kids who have troubles with their parents and families but it was a shit hotline tbh so once i called it up with my friends pretending i was crying and the man on the phone asked me what was wrong so i told him that all my friends had fire type pokemon and i only had grass type pokemon and they kept beating me and i didnt know what to do and then man was so confused it was funny af

27: Meaning behind my URL

idk man i wanted a name that could b easy to remember and i was inspired by ridgeport tbh

28: Favorite movie

the perks of being a wallflower

29: Favorite song

Fav song atm is anything from p!atd's newest album and my fav song of all time is probably train of consequences by megadeth

30: Favorite band

megadeth lol

31: How I feel right now

pretty good but also annoyed bc i have to go to work in half an hour :(

32: Someone I love

my bf

33: My current relationship status

if u guys havent noticed by now im taken

34: My relationship with my parents

p ok

35: Favorite holiday

halloween/christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

I have my ears pierced and thats it lol

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

i rlly want a few bookish related tattoos, like a tiny raven, a little lightning bolt, and the city of velaris and then i also rlly want a sleeve tbh but imma be a teacher and idk if i can :/ about piercings: i rlly want a helix or tragus and maybe get second holes in my hearlobes

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

ok so ive been on tumblr for about 5 years and initially it was bc i was Depressed™ and then about a year ago i found out about simblr and i was hooked

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

tbh i dont even talk to him anymore i dont rlly care about him in any way

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

yes bih

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

hes my bf so yea lol

42: When did I last hold hands?

wednesday

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

about 45 minutes bc im lazy and i keep getting distracted

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

nope

45: Where am I right now?

in bed lol

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

either my bf or my best friend

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

depends on where i am

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

mom

49: Am I excited for anything?

tbh moving out but thats gonna take a few more years

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

*insert bf here*

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

every time im at work lol

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

wednesday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

lol bye

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

nope

55: What is something I disliked about today?

the fact that i have to work a day shift instead of an evening shift

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

my internet friends tbh it’d be cool to meet all the people from my bookish discord or from @booptherat‘s discord

57: What do I think about most?

what book i should read next

58: What’s my strangest talent?

i can finish a book in about 4 hours

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

not rlly? i hate the whole asmr thing tho ew

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind lol

61: What was the last lie I told?

i dont remember tbh

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

neither lol

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

look im not saying that believing that we’re the only living species in the entire universe is narcissistic, but it is. also dont fuck with ghosts

64: Do I believe in magic?

hell yes

65: Do I believe in luck?

hell yes

66: What’s the weather like right now?

idk probably cloudy and windy

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

fahrenheit 451 by ray bradbury

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

nah not rlly

69: Do I have any nicknames?

i guess mar?

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

when i was 2 i fell from sth and slammed the corner of my eye onto the corner of a table and i couldve been blind but thank god im not

71: Do I spend money or save it?

both

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?

yup

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

post it notes

74: Favorite animal?

doggg

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

reading lol

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

idk man

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

i gotta feeling by the black eyed peas lol

78: How can you win my heart?

give me a samoyed and a 1000 books

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

“a boss ass bitch”

80: What is my favorite word?

fuck?

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

@cubersims @imvikai @ridgeport @cowplant-pizza @bloomlet @tiptoptab

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

spend fiddies, pet kitties, hold tiddies

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

not that i know of lol

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

the power to choose whatever power i want at any moment

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

“do you like working here?”

86: What is my current desktop picture?

its an august background from @emmastudies

87: Had sex?

yes

88: Bought condoms?

89: Gotten pregnant?

90: Failed a class?

yes

91: Kissed a boy?

yup, i’ve been kissing my bf for about 2,5 years now lol

92: Kissed a girl?

yup, i’m living the bisexual dream lol

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

yes

94: Had job?

yes, im working at a movie theater right now!!

95: Left the house without my wallet?

tbh all the time now that i can pay with my phone

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

yea i used to but that was when i was 12 and i’d like to say that i’ve grown a lot in the past 5 years

97: Had sex in public?

nope

98: Played on a sports team?

yes

99: Smoked weed?

nope, even though i live like 20 minutes away from amsterdam lol

100: Did drugs?

nope

101: Smoked cigarettes?

nope

102: Drank alcohol?

yupppp, i love me some raspberry cider

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

nope

104: Been overweight?

nope

105: Been underweight?

nope

106: Been to a wedding?

yup

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

lol all the time tbh

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

yup

109: Been outside my home country?

yup, however never outside of europe tho

110: Gotten my heart broken?

a few times

111: Been to a professional sports game?

yess, i saw the dutch female volleyball team once!

112: Broken a bone?

nope

113: Cut myself?

yes

114: Been to prom?

we dont do prom in the netherlands lol

115: Been in airplane?

yes

116: Fly by helicopter?

nope

117: What concerts have I been to?

k3 (only dutchies and belgians remember this), one direction, megadeth, and ed sheeran

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yupp

119: Learned another language?

i mean im from the netherlands and im fluent in english thanks to myself

120: Wore make up?

yuppp

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

yes

122: Had oral sex?

lol yes

123: Dyed my hair?

nope

124: Voted in a presidential election?

not old enough to vote :(

125: Rode in an ambulance?

nope

126: Had a surgery?

nope

127: Met someone famous?

nope

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

nope

129: Peed outside?

a few times lol

130: Been fishing?

nope

131: Helped with charity?

yep

132: Been rejected by a crush?

a few times

133: Broken a mirror?

lol yes

134: What do I want for birthday?

some books, money, cake, more books, makeup

#this was A LOT #im done now #no more questions #about me #asks #tiptoptab

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thesummerfox · 7 years

Text

Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 whoever the fuck you want

I was tagged by the fabulous @goddamnitkastle and @laura--howlett , thank you both so much! I’m tagging @wolveria, @emanationman, @thewonderginger, @sonicskullsalt, @carry-the-sky, @wasleichtes, @secondary2mary , @kteague , and @theycallmeeverlasting with absolutely no pressure to do this cos it’s a lot of stuff but if you’re bored like me.. go give it your best shot?

Setting this under a read more cos I doubt anyone wants my babbling on their dash..

The Last …

1. drink: apple juice

2. phone call: I think I called mom to let her know what time I’d be coming home

3. text message: one from work asking if I remembered a password cos the entire IT dept is out on holiday and they couldn’t access a laptop lol

4. song you listened to: Na Na Na by Pentatonix

5. time you cried: ugly cry has been a while but casual cry was a few days ago

Have you ever ...

6. dated someone twice: I’m not sure how they mean this question but I’ve never casually dated, I’ve always been friends with people first and ‘dating’ felt a lot like hanging out (except with more kissing lol) so I dunno?

7. kissed someone and regretted it: nope. I love kissing people and I do way too little of that so my only regret is not kissing more people haha!

8. been cheated on: not to my knowledge.

9. lost someone special: Yes, either because they died or because they left my life.

10. been depressed: oh yes. My last major episode’s been a while, but I get downer moods like no tomorrow after I come off one of my high-as-a-kite moods so that’s a lot of fun. *eyerolls* Always have to be careful in fall/winter cos I’m more susceptible to a depressive bender in those months.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: I’ve never even gotten drunk lol -- tipsy is the most I can manage because I’m a controlfreak like whoa

Favorite Colors…

12. Sky blue

13. Dark purple

14. Sunshine yellow/bright pink (hah I can’t choose!)

In The Last Year Have You…

15. made new friends: yesss

16. fallen out of love: nope. Been a while since I’ve been in it, if I’ve ever been at all.

17. laughed until you cried: that’s the best kind, so absolutely! I am the type to just start laughing hysterically or crack a few jokes that are funny to nobody but me so you can imagine that I’m not a stranger to just laughing so hard that I start crying

18. found out someone was talking about you: yeah, in both good and bad ways

19. met someone who changed you: always -- in big and small ways

20. found out who your friends are: thankfully, yes.

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: yes

General

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: it’s a 50/50 cos I hate using FB for anything other than games and I have added people I only know from online interactions before cos they’re awesome and I wanna see what’s up in their lives

23. do you have any pets: not anymore =(

24. do you want to change your name: nah, I’m good with my name. My name and I are best friends right around now lol

25. what did you do for your last birthday: uhh I don’t recall what I did on the day itself but I know that I went to see the movie Jackie not too long after my birthday and called it my birthday outing so that’s that

26. what time did you wake up: 5am because my brain hates me

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: getting ready for bed

28. name something you can’t wait for: new Game of Thrones season

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: she’s literally in the next room so like 10 seconds ago lol -- I still live at home

31. what are you listening to right now: chirping birds in the backyard

32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah

33. something that is getting on your nerves: the godawful holiday schedule that public transport’s got going on right now holy shit I’m so pissed

34. most visited website: Tumblr

35. hair color: it’s red right now but my natural colour is brown

36. long or short hair: I’m growing it back out to long

37. do you have a crush on someone: when do I not seriously

38. what do you like about yourself: I'm pretty intelligent and creative but I gotta tell ya that the thing I like most about myself is the devil-may-care Aquarius attitude to fashion/make-up that winds up with me mixing patterns and colours and going full-tilt cray with blue lipstick

39. piercings: I just have a hole in each ear so I can wear earrings but then forget about that a lot so I’m stabbing my own ears every so often just to keep them from closing up

40. blood type: I have no idea

41. nickname: no real nickname going on at the moment

42. relationship status: single and too picky to mingle lol

43. zodiac: Aquarius

44. pronouns: She/her.

45. favorite tv show: BANSHEE (I’m sorry I’m all-capsing the fuck outta this but this show is insane in the best way and I want y’all to start watching it if you haven’t already okay good thank me later for your traumas)

46. tattoos: I haven’t got one but I keep thinking about getting one but I’m a chickenshit with a low pain tolerance so eh

47. right or left handed: right-handed

48. surgery: I had some work on my teeth done like ages ago but I’ve never been in hospital for anything

49. piercing: aside from my earring holes, absolutely nada

50. sport: I took ballet back when I was tiny but lately the most I do is occasional yoga

51. vacation: I’m not going anywhere this year that I know of but I like doing citytrips and a lot of sightseeing stuff

52. pair of trainers: Skechers are awesome for my feet so I’ve got a fair few of those -- I tend to walk around in trainers a lot cos I’m always on the go and cannot walk long distances in crap shoes

More General

53. eating: I’m a superpicky eater but I like my fruit and veg, haha (and the last thing I ate was bread and strawberry jam)

54. drinking: I live off fruit juice and water

55. i’m about to: stare at my screen some more cos I have a writer’s block looming over my long fic

56. waiting for: my holidays to start omg

57. want: to buy a car and move out of the house but in this current economy that’s like saying “I need a ticket to the miracle express”

58. get married: someday, maybe? I’m not seeing anyone and you really do need more than one person for that adventure

59. career: I have one? but it’s like a career born out of necessity that doesn’t totally suck to do on a daily basis and the career I want (I just wanna write let me write) is not constructive as a way to pay the bills

60. hugs or kisses: BOTH. I hug people more than I kiss ‘em but I’m all for both

61. lips or eyes: eyes are the window of the soul yo

62. shorter or taller: I’m relatively tall so my inner circle of people consists of both shorter (mostly girls) and taller (Dutch folks tend to be skyscrapers)

63. older or younger: I’m friends with people much older and quite a bit younger than me -- I really don’t care about that. all my relationships have been with guys who were a bit older tho

64. nice arms or nice stomach: ARMSSS I have a thing with nice hands/arms you don’t even know

65. hook up or relationship: relationship, never done random hook-ups

66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant (I blame my Cap stellium omg)

67. kissed a stranger: noooo but I totally would not gonna lie

68. drank hard liquor: hahahahahaha oh no

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: nah, I may forget where I put them but I never lost them

70. turned someone down: yeah I’ve had to do that, it’s not fun but if I’m really not feelin’ it I’m not gonna pretend otherwise -- I really fucking hate it when people don’t take a polite “no” for an answer though

71. sex on the first date: depends on how long I’ve actually known someone? if they’re a total stranger, then nope, but if we were friends before dating I just might

72. broken someone’s heart: yes, probably, but I didn’t stick around to watch them fall apart cos I was that done with the relationship and he really really really had it comin’ so I hope I shattered it tbh

73. had your heart broken: yeah but I bounced back all right from that so my guess is that I haven’t crashed and burned the way some folks do over heartbreak

74. been arrested: nah

75. cried when someone died: I have done both the ugly sobbing that just makes everything stream out in a cascade of tears and snot (yeah lol tmi) and the dry-eyed thing that eventually ended in a breakdown months later so uhhuh

76. fallen for a friend: always. not in that I always fall in love with my friends, lol, but in that I have to be friends with someone if I’m really gonna fall for them that way imo

Do You Believe In …

77. yourself: hell to the yes I do

78. miracles: I think the universe provides for us and sometimes blindsides us in a way that makes us think miracles are real

79. love at first sight: I’ve had it happen and it’s not fun so I wanna stop believing in that okay thanks

80. santa claus: I used to, like I seriously hallucinated reindeer noises at one point

81. kiss on the first date: yes please

82. angels: yes

Other

83. current best friends’ names: they know who they are

84. eye color: green

85. favorite movie: Wonder Woman! (to absolutely nobody’s surprise? hah)

#about me #personal

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fluffandlove · 8 years

Note

Jojooooo♡♡♡♡♡♡ 1 ~ 6 for Airbrushed Perfectionn?:3 (and 13 if thats uhh toepasbaar. brainfart)

Hiiiiii ~ ♥♥♥♥♥ TOEPASBAAR LOL. Google says applicable so let’s go with that hue stupid derp Dutch

Hoho [casually putting the link for the fic here]

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?Tbh, I��m always inspired to write Reigisa and I really, really wanted to write another AU fic for them and since I don’t write from Rei’s perspective very often, I thought I’d take this opp to do both. I’ve always liked the idea of Nagisa being a model cause he’d be an effing natural at it and Rei would loooove be to be an artist cause EVERYTHING WILL BE UTSUKUSHIIIII2: What scene did you first put down?The beginning LOL I’m boring because I always write my stories in chronological order. Unless they’re chaptered 3: What’s your favorite line of narration?Oh god don’t ask me that cause I hate everything xDDD I guess this line:

Great. Now Reicouldn’t stop thinking about hugging him.

Because it’s so extremely fluffy, let me have my moment okay4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?gOD. Can I have this one

“You forgot to apply make-up on his chest and abdomen, you idiot.”

“I did.”

5: What part was hardest to write?It’salwaystheticklescenes. ALWAYS. I legit have to mentally prepare myself for them, which takes me about half an hour, and then I start writing aaaand it’s always so difficult to keep it flowing and to try and make it not boring. I’ve read a couple of fics in which they’re just awkward and boring and I’m soooo scared they’ll turn out like that xD

Lol, midlife crisis //dies 6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?… That it’s fucking long and it’s an AU which I don’t do very often13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I always listen to soundtracks/instrumentals and lately I’ve been a huge fan of Thomas Bergersen’s music *-* One song I had on repeat was A Place in Heaven. A few others were probably Gift of Life, Ocean Princess and Merchant Prince Goddd, these always get me in the mood to write and sometimes I’ll be able to write an entire novel in just one sitting

If I’m not listening to his music, I’m listening to the Sekaiichi Hatsukoi OST woops bye

❤ Thank you Ginny Trash Binnnyyy~ ❤

#otomiya-tickles #answered #<3333 #this turned out long owah #*wOAH lol

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okaminerd · 7 years

Text

Tagged by @addicted-2-toons

Rules: answer the 20 questions you’ve been tagged with, then tag 20 others/followers you’d like to get to know better!

Name: I kinda hate my real name tbh, but I like to be called Red

Nicknames: Red, nerd, Narmar

Zodiac sign: Libra

Height: 5′ even. And I will always be that way. Already stopped growing.

Orientation: Aro/ace

Ethnicity: I have a lot there. French, dutch, probably some aboriginal, native american, possibly irish, and a whole lot of other stuff, probably. That’s mom’s side of the family. And then on dad’s side I’m mostly scottish, and it shows.

Favorite fruit: Peaches are really nice.

Favorite season: Autumn. I love the wind, and the colors, and the fact that it isn’t painfully hot or so cold that it hurts to breath.

Favorite book series: Kind of uncertain? There are a lot of good ones. The Familiars is a really good one though, and Septimus Heap as well.

Favorite flower: Daffodils! Pretty, painfully full of pollen, and hard to kill!

Favorite scent: ??? I dunno. At all. I can't wear perfue cuz I'm allergic to it, and I don't bathe very often.

Favorite color: That weird one that’s between lavender and sky blue? Like a pastelly blue/purple thing.

Coffee, tea or cocoa: Tea. Specifically vanilla, honey, and chamomile.

Average sleep hours: Varies greatly. From 5 to 14 hours. 14 is really rare though.

Cat or dog person: It depends on my mood? Sometimes I just want to run, and it’s better when I have a happy, furry, running buddy. But my cat is so sweet and cute and wonderful.

Favorite fictional characters: Janna, Tom, Star, Marco, (SVTFOE) Ronaldo, Sadie, Amethyst, Pearl, Peridot, Lapis, Connie, Steven, Rhodonite, (SU) Sylvia and Wander, (WoY) Fionna and Cake, (Adventure Time) Courage and Muriel,(Courage the cowardly dog) the entire Pines family, Pacifica, Fiddleford, (Gravity Falls) and Luna Loud (Loud House)

Number of blankets you sleep with: I have like, 10, but I normally only sleep with two on top of me. There was once I slept under all of them in the middle of summer, and was still cold when I woke up? I dunno how that happened.

Dream Trip: A big convention, cosplaying as Padparadscha. I think I'm short enough to pull it off.

Blogs: Just this one.

Followers: 11.

I dunno who to tag? I’ll figure it out later.

#I'm such a nerd #Nerds are the best people #Me

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dandillionphield · 7 years

Text

(2)//tw internalized hatered/fear/i don'tknow towards mental disorders & general miserableness, self harm mentions, etc

930pm4417 @ some creepy park in an unsafe neighborhood sup again sorry for whats about to come this is my coping method ---------------------------- so 5(+). mental disorders. illnesses. high sensitivity (i count it as a disorder bc that's how i experience it), add or adhd idfk hey maybe both who the fuck knows, depression (and maybe that mild bipolar thing), generalized anxiety (and probably some more types tbh), and bpd. borderline personality disorder. mood disorder(s), anxiety disorder(s), attention disorder(s), high sensitivity and a personality disorder. basically, my brain is cancer. or at least that's what that means to me. which is why i'm like this now. i went home today from school. because my anxiety about it was on fucking overdrive. i couldn't think about anything other than my head being fucked up, and me being fucked up, just, everything. i'm yet to get defensive, like i said, currently have no friends who could point anything out. i'm yet to angrily yell "no, fuck off, i'm normal, i don't have this bullshit" to someone, which, i mean, it looks like i'm physically sick. which i also become, because of my head being a stone. that's my body's response to anxiety, shutting my body down. so now my stomach stopped working properly. oh well, whats new. well as i can't say it i just make people stalk my tumblr now, so hey to my real life people reading this. i don't know if i'll be able to speak to you normally, because my head right now: "they know. they know. they know how fucked up you are, nice. great. good fucking job. now your best friend (hey slutty when you read this ik this is your struggle as well this doesnt reflect how i feel about you just myself please understand) will be mad at you, none of the others will want to have anything to with you, you can never talk to them again or face them bc they know and i know you're too fucking pathetic to cut them out, you're too pathetic to let them go and you're too pathetic to actually avoid them bc you're a dependent piece of shit who can't even listen to themselves. the fuck are you doing here and why haven't you made new cuts yet." and guess what now y'all know about that too. well so, for those who don't know me as well as my close friend (sorry for calling you my best you have other best friends i'm sorry): so i'm non binary transgender, my sexual orientation is.. a mess, my depression took over again since my fp left me (favorite person just go in the fo tag on tumblr), my personality is broken and my head generally is cancer. so. i'm sure i impressed you and you're very eager to continue this friendship. when i questioned being ace (like i said that's a mess) i hated it. i h a t e d it bc i just want to be normal, in 1 fucking way. 1. i've been bullied through grade 1 till grade 6 (gr3-gr8 dutch years) and i always got shit for standing out, so just being fucking normal in 1 way is all i fucking want, to not be a fuck up in 1 fucking way is all i ask for within myself and guess what?????? then school threatens your "home" situation so you're forced to go to psychologists (granted, gender therapists, but it's all the same when you've had my experiences with those fucking people) and so you stress about that, bc you're being pushed without having a choice and you know, you know, your brain is sick, you know you at least have depression, anxiety and high sensitivity, you know they'll ask about your mental situation, and then you find out you literally have a personality disorder. like i have every symptom except for the impulsivity basically. i wanted to ask, can you guess how that feels, but you cant. you might think you can, when your worst fear comes true, you think you can relate but even if your self respect (the little bit you finally built up) got crushed in 2 seconds, your head turned as heavy as a rock and your body became lifeless, you werent able to speak to anybody, including your mom because speaking cost energy you simply didnt have and all you wanted to do was just sulk in your bed until you're a pile of dust, but you can't. you still have no idea what i feel like. whatever you try to tell me i'm not gonna believe it. when other people have mental illnesses it's totally ok, but i can't have them. i have to be normal. in 1 fucking way. and now, this just means, my entire personality is literally sick. and no i can't embrace that. i can't. i can't do anything. i'm sorry for this, i don't know, i don't know. these are brain dumps because i can't tell anyone directly. i just wanna remove my soul from this body so i can like, be a guardian to my fp who left. that or sulk in my bed for forever. either one. (can anybody text my fp to just confront her with what she's done by the way she has no idea that the suicide attempt counter is on 7 bc of her) yeah. that i guess.

#personal #tw #log

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