#edit: wait i wonder if it would count as painting. life is so complex

[bmpmp3]

artfight aka the month where i agonize for hours about whether or not my colouring style counts as “rough colour” or “clean colour“

[ohdearhiddles]

TITLE: Angel of Death

CHAPTER: 2/? 

CH. SUMMARY: You tell Loki that you are a monster, and Loki tells you that he is one, too.

WORD COUNT: 3652 (Link to Ch. 1 )

AUTHOR NOTES/WARNINGS: mentions of death; So, I'm definitely going to edit this chapter eventually.  Also I think I lied, this is definitely going to be a bit longer than 3 chapters. The more I think about the story, the more I want to add to it, so who knows how many chapters there will be. I hope you like it x (AO3 LINK)

Your feet felt impossibly heavy as you walked back to your apartment. The sun had just dipped over the horizon, painting the sky a magnificent orange, purple, and blue as it bid the day farewell. The streets were bustling at their usual speed, people weaving through one another like needles embroidering a ritualistic path in order to create something beautiful. These people, their lives were beautiful. You found yourself envious for the first time in a while, wishing that you could walk the streets as you used to. The unspoken wish to be free from whatever curse had befallen you was on the tip of your tongue.

You wanted to scream.

You wanted to cease to exist but exist all the same.

There was a point in time when you had believed that curses were things of fairytales and that if they were to exist in the real world, it certainly wouldn't happen to you. For your entire life, you felt as though you had lived in a way that would've made even the gods proud. You did right by others, and in return, the world did right by you. Yet here you were, paying for a crime you didn't commit and running into the law when you had meant no harm. Things like that made you wonder if gods really existed.

As you neared the apartment complex, your heart began to hammer in your chest. You were struck with the sudden realization that you had missed the "date" that Loki had planned for the two of you that evening; although, maybe it was for the better. Now the handsome gentleman would be able to see that he was better off in another woman’s presence rather than yours, and you would no longer need to worry about your lips ever touching him. No matter how many times you ran that thought through your mind, the weight on your shoulders didn’t go away. It was as if the world not only bestowed a curse on you, but now they handed you a rare specimen of a suitor that was barely out of your reach. 

The world was cruel and the gods made fun of your every move.

You held your head up high, letting your mind wander to more pressing matters like how you were going to explain the lethal situation that all the men from that file had found themselves in.  Would you spend the rest of your life constantly looking over your shoulder? Will they condemn you for your crimes? Or worse, would they take you away to live as a lab rat for the rest of your life?

From the corner of your eye, you saw your reflection on the glass window of a local shop. You stopped to stare at it, wondering if your reflection felt as bad as the both of you looked. The makeup you had put on had worn off from the countless times you had rubbed your hands over your face in distress since leaving the station. Glancing at the reflection of your hands, you pulled them up, analyzing your palms and then flipping them over to analyze the backs of them as well. 

Were these the hands of the monster you had become?

Shaking your head, you turned back to the sidewalk. These thoughts were something you had thought many times over the past few years, and you had done what you could to keep them at bay. You had finally reached your building when you stopped in your tracks.

Sitting on the stairs, a bouquet of flowers at his feet, was Loki. His elbows rested on his thighs as he stared off into the distance. You were shocked to say the least. Not only had he witnessed you get into a police car, but he had sat down and waited for your return. The thought of him watching the sun set all on his own made you feel a tad guilty. He was a man that seemed to deserve more than a potential future convict as a date, and he definitely deserved more than a date that ditches him for an interrogation room.

His eyes met yours, a piercing gaze that you had matched many times before. Loki picked the flowers up from the stairs, standing to greet you. A sheepish grin appeared on your face at the sight of him. This was in no way romantic. In fact, a man that sits and waits for a date to come back from the police station is most likely insane, but who were you to care?

Loki held out the bouquet, his jaw clenching as he waited for you to take it. Your heart felt heavy at the unhappy expression on his face and you couldn’t help but let your eyes drift down to your feet in embarrassment. 

“How long have you been sitting here?” You asked, eyes still trained on your shoes.

“Long enough,” he spoke, his voice still so confident despite his date for the night being driven away by law enforcement seconds before he arrived to pick her up. You felt his eyes following your every movement as you began to walk towards the entrance of the complex. It felt intimidating how he was looking at you; it reminded you of when you had first encountered him. His presence itself was intimidating, but when his eyes met yours, you always felt so small, so incomparable.

Loki followed your lead, walking only a couple steps behind as you began the ascent to your home. He was quiet and so were you, but this silence was different than usual. Sure, the two of you didn’t always talk when you met. Sometimes you just sat in the presence of one another, enjoying the feeling of not being alone in the universe - a soft, peaceful silence. This silence, however, was sharp like the finest blade forged by the heavens. It was filled with the strength of every secret hidden between the two of you, strong enough to bring down giants and break through mountains. It was an invisible blade, threatening you to break down the walls you had built or else it would do the job for you.

It wasn’t until the door shut behind Loki that he spoke again, “Care to explain?”

His tone wasn’t as intimidating as it was before. Perhaps he read your body language and understood that you weren’t in a good state of mind after such an encounter, or perhaps he had just gotten over his anger and realized that you didn’t willingly ditch him. Either way, you were happy that he didn’t seem too angered by your sudden disappearance.

“It’s a long story,” you responded, walking over to your sofa to sit down. Once again, Loki followed.

“I have quite a lot of time.”

At his statement, you looked up. His green eyes pierced through yours, trying to decipher the thoughts running through them. Loki sat down next to you, turned slightly to face your distraught self, as he cleared his throat, “The woman I was meant to accompany this evening seemed to have had some unexpected business to take care of.”

You smiled at his words, knowing that the man before you was only trying to make you smile. He was quite good at it; in fact, you had smiled more in his presence than you had smiled in the past 6 years, and for that, you were both thankful and terrified. Loki’s presence terrified you. At the beginning of the night, you had told yourself that this would be the last time you met with him. Now, as you tried to tell yourself the same thing, it was met with downright rejection. 

Loki had willingly stayed, waiting for you to return to receive an explanation. So, he was quite possibly insane, but part of you wondered if his kind of insanity would mix well with your own. Since you were a woman that killed others with whatever venomous talent you possessed, maybe insanity was what you needed in your life. But when has insanity ever been the cure for anything?

Sighing, you shook your head, “I don’t think you want to hear it, Loki. It’s not exactly a good first impression.”

“So, it’s a secret?” A grin replaced the more concerned look he had only a minute or so before. The grin was gorgeous. Of course,  everything  about this man was gorgeous, and for a split second you thought:  If he really is insane, then insanity has never looked so good.

It was true. He was by no means an earthly kind of attractive. His long black hair, sharp jawline, and lean figure along with the English accent made him seem otherworldly.

“A secret better left unsaid,” you responded, nodding.

“Oh, but what’s the fun in that?” Loki taunted. His tone seemed more playful, as if the barrier you had placed between the two of you was more of a fun obstacle course than a warning sign that said ‘No Trespassing.’ Part of you wanted to urge him to break down the walls while the more logical side told you not to trust a man that had fun poking at secrets. You were always the type to ignore logic, though.

As Loki continued to grin childishly, you turned to face him completely. You gazed into his emerald colored eyes, hoping to find security and a place in which you could safely put your trust. There was no such place in Loki’s eyes; there was something much better. You couldn’t quite put it into words or coherent thought what you saw in his eyes when they met yours this time. It was as if light and dark had met and formed a fine line in which the two of you could walk upon, a grey area where all right and wrong needn’t exist. If there was a paradise for those who had fallen so far from the grace of god and man alike, Loki knew where it was. His eyes held the promise of acceptance, a promise he, too, seemed to yearn for.

When you looked away, there was no further decision making needed. If he was meant to turn his head the other way when you fully opened your heart to him, then that was what you would have to accept. But just like the day when he first sat next to you, there was something in him that made Loki seem sad, vulnerable, and even relatable. Although he looked as if he had just walked down from a pedestal made of jade and gold, he also seemed as though he had walked through hell and back. 

If there was one individual to grace this planet that would not run away, it would be him.

“Can I trust you?” You asked him, testing the waters.

Loki paused, seemingly contemplating your words. His eyebrows furrowed and his grin vanished, and you wondered if he was already thinking about backing out. Now, if you had been able to read minds, you’d know that it was quite the opposite. Inside Loki, a terrible war raged on. 

Trust. A small yet powerful word that could start or end the most destructive of battles. Could you trust him? Was there anyone in all the nine realms that was truly trustworthy?

His jaw was clenched as he stared at you, and you wondered what was going through his mind. The silence between you continued for what felt like a century before he spoke up.

“Yes,” he finally answered, nothing more and nothing less. Nodding, you sat up straighter, attempting to get a hold of your nerves. This was it - the moment of truth. 

So, you began, “I’m not sure how to explain, but I’m not normal.”

Loki didn’t react. He just sat there, his eyes trained on your hands that were attempting to break free from the skin covering them. The silence only urged you on.

“I didn’t know I wasn’t considered normal until I was about 21,” you continued. “It started when I was 16 and people around me started dying. I didn’t understand why, but it was a pretty big topic back then. My high school boyfriend passed away from a car accident, but we found out later he had died before impact, which was why he had crashed in the first place.”

“The next year, when I was 17, my dad passed away. The doctor said it was probably his heart, but-” The words were caught in your throat. If you said it now, you would have to fully admit that you had killed your own father. However, even you knew that there was no going back anymore. By now, you had already revealed that the deaths most likely had something to do with you, and that alone was enough to incriminate you if Loki chose to hand you over to the police. 

The feeling of a cold hand enveloping your own caused you to flinch. From the corner of your eye, you watched Loki’s eyes widen at your surprise pulling his hand back almost immediately. “It was me.”

“What was?” He asked, eyes trained on the palms of his hands.

“My father, his death, it was my fault.” You admitted, the feelings of guilt rushing through you like an unforgiving wind. Loki’s eyes snapped up to look at you, his expression serious now as he spoke, “It was not your fault.”

“No,” you countered, “It was. My father, my ex boyfriend, the men I saw throughout college, it was all me. It wasn’t until I watched the news one day that I even realized that the city saw their deaths as a string of murders. It all clicked. The deaths, the unanswered phone calls, and the rumors that people needed to stay away from me - it all made sense. I wasn't just a bad omen, I was killing people. By the time I was 21, I had killed 11 men and I was being called the city’s Angel of Death - a cold-hearted murderer.”

“Did you kill those men?” Loki asked, his voice unwavering. It was almost as if death did not phase him in the slightest, and for a brief second you were thankful that he was not scared of you or what you had said.

“Did you not hear me?” You retorted, standing from your spot on the sofa. “They call me the Angel of Death.”

Loki stood as well, his expression hardening at your words. He loomed over you, his presence once again becoming much more intimidating than you would have liked. “I heard you, but perhaps you aren’t listening. I’m asking a rather important question.”

He took a step closer before speaking once more. “Did you, Y/N, kill those men?”

Your eyes began to water, tears of pain and guilt flooding your body and soul. There was no turning back; this was you, revealed. This was vulnerability. This was trust.

“No,” you said, tears beginning to fall. “I didn’t mean to.”

The tears kept falling as Loki took the final step to close the distance between you two. His arms wrapped around your waist, his chin resting on the top of your head as he calmed you with the gesture. Normally, this type of action made you feel suffocated; however, coming from him, it was like a warm blanket of security had just tightened its grasp on you. The words Loki whispered next set fire to your rabid thoughts, “I believe you.”

You pulled away in that instant, eyes turning cold, “Believe me?”

“Yes, I believe that you did not mean to kill those men.”

“But I killed them. Intentionally or not, their blood is on my hands and the police will come for me,” you cried, realization dawning on you. This was no time to be comforted by the hands of a ner stranger. In this moment, you were a key suspect in a string of crimes that would lead to your family disowning you, your friends hating you, and every good deed you had done to be erased from the face of this earth. You were dangerously close to being another killer on the long list of individuals to curse at the night sky about.

“You said it yourself - you did not kill those men.” Loki reassured, his determination matching yours. His hands were at his sides, clenching and unclenching with every other word he said.

“I did,” you whispered as a reply. The unspoken horror had never been repeated so many times in one night, and you had never heard yourself say the words aloud until now. Every life you ended, every death you had caused hammered down on you, weighing on you like rain water in a cloud. You were darkening, threatening to burst with a downpour of storms until you flooded all that your shadow touched. Your thoughts began to consume you, eyes going dark as Loki stood before your stiff body. His words floated in your mind: I believe you.

“I’m a monster,” you stated as if it were fact.

“You are not,” Loki countered your remark, fighting back. “I have seen many monsters, and you are not one of them.”

“You’ve seen monsters?” You asked, eyebrows raising in a mocking way. Part of you was genuinely curious while the other part of you wanted to scream at him for trusting you even in the slightest. “I just told you that the blood of 11 men is on my hands, and you, you say I’m not a monster?”

Loki didn’t respond at first. He stood quietly, eyes staring off into the distance, and for a moment you thought that you had won the argument. That is, until he spoke again, “If you were to know the things I have done, you would think much kinder of yourself.”

Curiosity. What a peculiar trait curiosity is. The trait of being curious seemed to break through even the toughest armors and most foolproof disguises. It was a fluid trait that demanded its rightful place as being the most dominant feeling an individual could possess. So, despite the current situation and the weight of the world resting on your shoulders, a small childlike piece of you wanted to know what the raven-haired man meant. What horrors had he seen? What had he done?

“What does that mean?” You questioned, watching for his reaction.

Loki continued to stare off as if there were demons wandering your halls and he had the duty of looking for them. Little did you know that the demons were not so far off that they had to be sought after. No, the demons were right there in the eyes of the man you had somehow grown attached to in the past few weeks. 

“It simply means that you are not the only person in this room that has done the unspeakable,” he responded, voice strained as if he had struggled tremendously to even say the words. You froze, unable to process what he meant by what he had said. If Loki was also a murderer, that means he would have done so with the full intention of killing someone. Unless he was like you, cursed by fate to send those you love to an early grave. 

Somehow, you wished it was the latter.

“And what does  that mean?” You repeated, growing more wary of the fact that you didn’t know much about this man at all. Long talks in a public park is quite different than allowing a man into your home, and this was beginning to seem like a bad idea. 

“You are not a monster no more than I am an innocent.”

“So, you’re saying that you’ve killed people.”

Those emerald eyes met yours once again, fear radiating from his gaze as he realized that he, too, can no longer take back what he has said. The confidence and intimidating aura that once covered his entirety now seemed something of the past. The walls were coming down, and both of you had exposed yourselves, more vulnerable than either of you were comfortable being.

“I am saying that I have done things I am not proud of, but I am working on fixing that,” Loki said.

“What did you do?” You questioned, finding it only fair that he share his secrets since you had shared yours. However, if you had been in your right mind, you would know that the world does not work that way. One secret does not equal another being told. Some secrets are too big, revealing much more than one hidden detail. This you would have seen in the mixed expression on Loki’s face as you had asked.

He seemed to take in a large breath before speaking, “I have done many things, but I believe you will be familiar with the memory of a god trying to take over your city.”

Neither of you spoke for a moment as the words floated through the air with no destination. 

“I’m an idiot,” you said, breaking the silence. The words Loki had spoken were rattling around in your mind like dice during an astounding game of Yahtzee. “Loki.”

He raised an eyebrow at you, waiting for you to continue to speak.

“You’re the god. You’re not just named after the Norse God of Mischief; you  are him. You attacked this city, you-” You stopped speaking as you came to a full understanding of what he had meant when he said he had done things he was not proud of. People had died; so many lives were lost because of him. Looking up, you met his cautious gaze, eyes filled with worry as he stood in front of you with his metaphorical armor laid at his feet. All the cards had been played, and there was no turning back for either of you.

“Do you still believe you are the only monster here?”

(Chapter 3)

[skekheck]

30 Days of the Dark Crystal Challenge

Decided to do poultry-blocks Dark Crystal challenge because it looks like a lot of fun to do. However I’m cheating and I wrote all of this within a couple of days. Warning: fairly large post with pictures and fan ramblings. 

EDIT: I FORGOT TO INCLUDE DAY 16 WHOOP. It’s in there now. 

Day 1. Your favorite skeksis

Idiot, feral, wildman who stole my heart. How? Why? Who knows. *chef kisses* Beautiful stinky bastard.

Day 2: Your favorite gelfling

Bless her and her skeksis cosplay. What a queen.

Day 3: A character that you love that everyone seems to hate.

The tides are changing for her it seems. I think people are appreciating her more, but she still faces her fair share of controversies. Not that I don’t think it warrants discussion nor am I excusing her actions. But she’s way more complex than what a lot of people are making her out to be.

Day 4: A character that you hate that everyone seems to love. 

Hate is a strong word as I don’t hate him, but I don’t really care for Amri. He feels like a bootleg Deet mixed with a little bit of Kylan and Gurjin. Wasted potential and honestly shouldn’t have been the POV for Tides of the Dark Crystal. Seems I’m alone in this opinion, though. Maybe the book warrants rereading?

Day 5: Movie or TV Show? Why?

TV Show by miles! I think the series accomplishes way more than the movie does, like establishing lore,  better written characters, and a more engaging story. I actually cared about the gelfling and it really fleshed out the skeksis in an interesting way outside of “oh they do evil things because they’re evil!”. Doesn’t mean it does everything right, but I’ll get into that later.  

Day 6: Something you wish that happened in the series but didn’t.

Just a few things. I miss the gelfling intermingling with the mystics, particularly urVa. I love everything that happens with urGoh and skekGra, but some of the bonding moments Naia had with urVa are precious and I wish we had more of that. I also wished the gelfling got the message out to the other clans like they did in the book where Kylan dreametched their message onto the Santuary Tree’s blossoms and scattered them all throughout Thra. I also wished Tavra and Onica were an established couple, but maybe it’s not too late for that.

Day 7: Favorite gelfling clan

The Sifa! It was the Dousan at first, but the more I learned about the Sifa the more I grew to love the clan. If I were a gelfling I would probably be a sifa myself LOL. 

Day 8: You opinion on Aughra

She’s a fun and fascinating character! Aughra puts a unique spin on the whole beautiful, wise earth goddess trope by making her ugly, old, and cranky. She’s also a character with her own flaws, even having a mini arc about neglecting to take care of her planet and doing whatever she can to make amends. Not to mention she’s wildly entertaining. Much love for Aughra!

Day 9: Skeksis or Gelfling?

Both!

Day 10: Your opinion on podlings?

They’re just funky little potato people who just want to have fun, dance, and drink all day and I respect them for that. They’re great. Also Hup exists and he’s just an amazing character so there’s that.

Day 11: Your The Dark Crystal unpopular opinion

I think it’s okay to sympathize with the skeksis as long as one is not excusing their actions. I see a lot of people say you shouldn’t because they’re evil and they commit atrocities. Which, yes, it’s true, but I think both can co-exist. I mean, skekTek’s whole cycle of abuse is written very sympathetically yet the show doesn’t coddle him. It shows the ugliness of his character and what happens when someone isn’t capable of cutting off from said cycle. Also the writers consider the skeksis as tragic characters due to their broken nature so I don’t think it’s wrong to be a little sympathetic. But once again with great emphasis, sympathy is fine as long as their actions are judged. They are awful bastards and no amount of sympathy will change that. 

Day 12: Something you dislike about the series

I think the stuff I don’t like about the show is a result of its pacing and cluttered cast. There are so many stories going on and while I liked how they handled it for the most part, you can also see how the show rushes to get through all of them. A lot of important moments where a character should reflect or something that should simmer more is pushed aside for the next thing. Maybe if the show was given more episodes and time to breath it would have been better off. 

Day 13: Most disappointing thing about the series

SkekMal and urVa didn’t have enough screen time and we were honestly ROBBED. 

Day 14: Your OTP

Speaking of which... . Its a crack ship, but I’m all about that allegory for self love (and I just want these two to be alive). Day 15: Favorite quote

Listed plenty of my favorite quotes before, but I’ll pick this one:

“ Life is my paint. Death is my canvas”

Day 16: Rate the skeksis from least favorite to favorite OR rate the gelfling from lest favorite to favorite [or both!]

And if you want my gelfling hot takes, here’s this list (just backwards in context to this post)

Day 17: Opinion on Raunip?

Raunip is a fantastic character. I loved him in Creation Myths and I can’t wait to see what role he’d play in the resistance. And I absolutely love the parallels between him and the urskeks it’s great. 

Day 18: A character that is most similar to you.

I too am a dark-dwelling gremlin who constantly forgets where I put things and crack a few dark jokes at my expense. 

Day 19: Which character do you strongly dislike, why?

This is entirely based on the books, but I find Mera to be awful.  I think it’s because she’s so fake and condescending? When Naia arrived in Sami Thicket, she was acting nice and polite but when the Drenchen asked her why the skeksis never visited Sog Mera responded  “It’s only worth counting what’s valuable”. She continuously disrespects her by calling her pet names even when Naia became maudra. It doesn’t come off as cute, it’s gross. I don’t recall Mera ever apologizing for any of the shit she did to Naia... or Kylan for that matter. She was a pretty neglectful step-mother to him. She doesn’t have an excuse being busy with Maudra stuff because Laesid was a kickass mom to her kids. So in conclusion, fuck this bitch.

Day 20: What do you like so much about the Dark Crystal?

The better question what’s not to love about the Dark Crystal? It has amazing creature design, an expansive world that feels real and alien from our own, having complex and interesting characters as well as villains, the fact that it relies heavily on practical effects a.k.a puppetry... . There’s nothing like it and that’s what makes it so wonderful and unique. It needs to be appreciated more. 

Day 21: Favorite music piece from the soundtrack?

Can’t beat that opening theme. 

Day 22: Your opinion on the sequel comics [Power/Beneath the Dark Crystal]

They have cool concepts and ideas, but they’re not written well. Power is just the movie if it was put into a blender and shredded and ignoring a large portion of established lore for the sake of plot. And Beneath is just a generic fantasy story with the Dark Crystal logo slapped on it. 

Day 23: Which character from the YA novels/comics do you wish we would see more of?

There are plenty of characters that are a given to appear in the series at some point (skekSa, skekLi, urSan, etc). And of course I want to see them, but I really hope Periss shows up (and his brother too). He is one of my favorite characters from the book series and we could use some more Dousan rep!

Day 24: Your opinion on the Age of Resistance comic?

I have yet to read the comics. I’m waiting on them to be part of a collection so I don’t have to buy all of the volumes at once (I prefer owning physical copies). I’ve heard good things about them, especially the story with Hup and the current Mayrin arc. I’m excited to get my hands on them. 

Day 25: The best moment/scene in the series?

There are a lot of great moments, but Rian and Ordon’s fight with skekMal is still my favorite in the entire series. The "Speak For the Dead” scene is a close second.

Day 26: The death of a character that hurt you the most?

He did not deserve this. Fuck you, skekMal. 

Day 27: Your favorite episode from the series?

It’s got to be 4. Not just because a number of my favorite characters debut in this episode, but it’s an important one for the plot. Stakes are being raised, we’re seeing set ups to major story elements and character arcs, and events that impact the rest of the series. It also has a handful of my favorite character moments and interactions. 

Day 28: Your favorite non-skeksis and non-gelfling character? Why?

I’ve come to realize the reasons why I love urVa are the same as why I love skekMal (incredibly appropriate I might say). There’s enough information about him that we get a good understanding on who he is as a character, but still mysterious enough that there’s interest in wanting to know more. Much like his skeksis, he’s unique from the other mystics and thus giving him unique experiences that are fun to speculate. However, the YA novels are responsible for my current fondness of him. 

Day 29: Do you like the urru and skeksis apart or like them as urSkeks together?

A main theme of the Dark Crystal is unity and balance. The main conflict of the franchise are the skeksis, the broken fragments of their urskek self who, according to the writers, “...[have] a dire need for the qualities they lack”. Their only salvation is to become urskeks again and unfortunately many of the pairs never achieve this.  They’re basically a giant allegory for the self and self-love. While we don’t really know what they were like when they were an urskek (aside from SilSol perhaps), we can get some understanding when we look at their pairs and see what traits they share. Speculation is also fun! So as much as I love the skeksis and mystics as individuals, I prefer them to be whole again.

Day 30: What are your wishes for a possible season 2?

A whole bunch of things. I want to see them explore more about the mystics and their lifestyle, having Raunip play a big part in the plot, seeing more of skekSa’s fall from grace from her perspective, the beginning of the Garthim Wars, and more. 

[talysalankil]

10, 20, 5, and 16!

10: How would you describe your WIP's narrative style? (1st person, 3rd person, multiple POVs, single POV, alternating chapters, etc.)

Third person, single point of view (Adam’s). Since this is planned as a four-part series, I am thinking about having multiple points of view in the sequels, as the plot develops from a more personal problem to a more global problem. Problem is: I’m still unsure who should be these other PoVs, and I don’t want to detract from Adam’s story. Of course I’ll see when I get there.

20: Post a brief excerpt.

Define “brief”. I’m just gonna post that scene I referenced a while back where they get naked. Because I can. (Also I’m sorry but Scrivener’s format doesn’t paste super well in tumblr so it’s line breaks and not paragraph breaks; I don’t feel like fixing it)

Adam pushed himself to his feet, took out clothes for the both of them from his bag. Everything they had was meant for Adam; he doubted that they would fit Cell perfectly, but it would have to do.He stripped down to his underwear first, then paused, flushing with embarrassment. He knew they could not afford to bother about modesty, and it felt pointless to even care after being around each other in wet underwear at the beach, but there was still a part of him that felt an invisible line. Back home, he had imagined undressing for a boy in an intimate setting—but the context in his fantasies was keenly different to the situation at hand.Cell caught on. He cleared his throat, cheeks growing red. "I'll just—turn around," he offered.Muttering an inaudible thanks, Adam slipped out of his soaked briefs and worked the spell over his own body. It was complex and precise, a web of fire and water Chemiamancy that turned water to steam, built over a backbone of Biomancy to follow his body's shape. Adam worked more slowly than he was used to—or liked to. It took him a good minute to finally put the spell in place, and feel his skin drying off. The process left him feeling slightly cold, too, but that feeling was easily countered by the flush that crept up his whole body.He got dressed in a hurry. "I'm done," he simply said for Cell's sake, and immediately worked to hanging his clothes on another branch. He could try to make them dry faster as well, but the spell he knew was designed for a person, and he doubted the Biomancy would hold on an inanimate object. Better to let it dry naturally overnight; he could still try in the morning if necessary.When he turned around, Cell was staring at him, disbelief painted over his face. "I—I know it's magics, I don't know why I'm surprised—"Adam shrugged, chuckling. "At least this is something small. The first time I saw magics in action, I caused a tiny earthquake and pushed back a guy trying to steal from me."Cell cast him a mildly worried look. "You're sure this is safe, right?""Certain." Then, as Cell pulled his pants down, Adam realized he had forgotten a certain detail. "I—am going to need to see you, though." He had never learned to use spells based entirely on what his magical senses told him, and he doubted this was the time for experimentation, awkward as it felt.Cell paused halfway between hanging his pants, blushing a little deeper. "That's okay; I'll just—turn around again."The silence felt heavy as Cell turned around and peeled off his underwear. In spite of their situation, it was hard for Adam not to stare at Cell's exposed body, the lines of his muscled back tensing up.He cleared his throat, briefly looking away to gather his focus, and cast his spell again, struggling to maintain his focus. He got it working faster this time, and as soon as he had, he whirled around. "You should be good to go," he said.In his search for a distraction, his eyes landed on fallen branches on the ground, between the trees. They looked dry; Adam picked them up one by one, deliberately slowly, trying to stop himself from thinking about Cell's body.

5: Search for the word "knife" in your WIP. If you find it, paste the line and explain the context.

There are three instances of “knife” in the current version (which is only at 40k words, mind you), but I picked the last one.

Before Adam could follow the movement, the Hunter's hand grabbed his shoulder, and Adam felt the point of a knife pressed against his throat.

Here’s the thing: I have divided the book into three loosely-defined “arcs”. It’s not the Hollywood three-act structure or anything, mind you (even though that’s totally what inspired it), but I use it as a guideline for pacing.

So the end of the first act has been, in every version of the book (and keep in mind this is like version 4, not counting more minor edits), marked with my boys getting attacked. In the first couple versions, this led to Adam outing himself as a magician; later on, I moved that reveal sooner because 1) it wasn’t giving Cell enough credit that he wouldn’t figure it out [I’ve actually moved it even earlier in the current version] and 2) I didn’t really like what it said about Cell. See, the point of this attack was to create a bit of a downer mood, and in the first two versions, that came from Cell’s reaction to that outing. And, well, the point was more about betrayal than him being bigoted (which is a thing in the world at large) but it still kind of came across that way. Hence moving the reveal sooner.

Now, I still wanted that attack to happen, and in the third version, it was…a random mugger attack, and Adam killing their attackers sort of by accident (as in, using magic without measuring his strength because he’s too scared for his and Cell’s life to consider it). This was mostly a relic from the earlier version (where it was literal highway bandits attacking them on the road, but moved to a city setting), and it was…kind of bad? Let’s go with that.

This version involves, as implied in the quote, Witch Hunters. Who are…an antagonistic faction, and the main one for that part of the book. It makes for better cohesion (plot starts with them, and the first arc ends with them), it makes for a more believable threat. Oh, and also the scene allows Cell to take a more active part. Both boys get a kill, Cell by accident (trying to knock someone out) and Adam…same deal as the previous version. It feels nicer this way, because the mood that follows the scene is more complex than just “you killed these random people” which still carried a bit of the bigotry from earlier version, since Cell was completely innocent in those and Adam used magics to kill people. Here…it’s more complicated.

16: What would your characters be for Halloween?

That’s…kind of random. Let’s see…

I’d imagine Adam as a mad scientist. Because…well, he’s a scientist. And he’d probably make light of it. He might even make an “I’m a mad scientist! In fact, I am furious!” [insert rant about the state of scientific literacy or education or something]

Cell would be a superhero. Probably Captain America for book 1 Cell, and…like, Superman or even a male Wonder Woman for endgame Cell. He could also be Prince Charming, probably to embarrass Adam.

I kind of want to say Cora (Adam’s sister, I imagine I’ve mentioned her before but) would also be…one of those three superheroes (or variations, I guess, like Supergirl/Lana Lang Superwoman). I mean she and Cell are best friends for a reason. …And now I’m imagining them both wearing a wonder woman costume without knowing about each other’s costumes. They’d probably laugh about it.Alternatively, still in the superheroes, she could be Jessica Cruz Green Lantern, since that might fit her endgame character even better. Or Eowyn. Why not.

Matthias (my dear husbando) is too cool for costumes. Or at least he thinks so. If forced, he’d probably make a costume or someone he knows and wants to make fun of. I’m not saying Cell but totally Cell.

Lucrezia (his BFF) would pull off some handmade cosplay/historically accurate outfit with incredible attention to detail, and then everyone would go “wait, you can DO that?” and then she’d still dazzle them each year because she keeps getting better even though no one sees her making costumes the rest of the year and how.

[diamondsaregold]

Zig x MC - A Playlist

Background Info: In the spirit of slowly returning to sharing things with the world, I thought I’d post the playlist that I’ve spent approximately one month procrastinating on diligently working on. 

Started as a 30 song playlist, and cut down to 8 tracks. All the highs and lows of our entire The Freshman Book 3 relationship with Zig, with lots of angst and introspection. Some songs pertain to Zig x MC; others to each individual character.

Photos taken from Pexels, and edited by me in Photoshop. Hope you enjoy listening! 💕 Click on each song title for the link. I highly recommend listening to each song while looking at the visuals, lyrics, and analysis. 😉

1) “Heart Out” The 1975   An upbeat, atmospheric alt rock anthem to teenage love, personal issues, and monotony.

And once we started having friends round You created a television of your mouth ----- You got something to say Why don’t you speak it aloud, instead of living in your head? It’s always the same Why don’t you take your heart out, instead of living in your head? ----- It’s just you and I tonight Why don’t you figure your heart out?

We are reeling from suitemate drama and uncertainty when we stumble upon the enigmatic barista at the Hartfeld coffee shop. He shoots us knowing smirks, flirtatious remarks, and oh, it is working. The curve of his half smile, the curl of his deep hair, the heat of his toffee-warm skin washes over us. Risk is nothing when there’s endless possibilities in his gaze.

The start of the quarter is the perfect time to step away from the televisions (or books) inside our minds and take risks, to ground ourselves in new realities. Zig is something new, and very real.

2) “Smoke Filled Room” Mako A tropical, uplifting EDM track about the unstoppable girl who walks into chaos with her chin held high.

Isn’t it a little late? Shouldn’t you fly away? ----- Take a step around the room And every head keeps turning too Little dove, you fight ‘em back Show ‘em you’re so much more than that ----- Walk into a smoke filled room. Oh no one could keep their eyes off you. Have a little drink or two Oh how could you be that girl I knew?

Soaring vocals brim with adrenaline, courage, and tenderness. That night, we head out into a strange world of dusky romances and dangerous people. Yet somehow, we always prove our past selves wrong.

Fragile. We walk into the Gutter Kitten’s crowded show only to be met with icy stares (and ice queens). We stand our ground, telling off the rude band members and turning up the charm to an 11 with our coffeeshop cutie. We fight ‘em all back.

Magnetic. In our “little black dress” at Madison’s birthday party, Zig is transfixed. He craves complexity, the satisfaction of stripping apart a problem layer by layer. Our fire, our loyalty, our three dimensionality captivates this lover of permutations, logic. In the smoky magic of our late night bar escapade, he takes us apart. Slowly. Tenderly.

3) “Livewire” Oh Wonder A poignant, sparse piano and beat-driven ballad, contemplating two individuals who have become intertwined.

Counting my losses as I let them go. Heavy the water as I sink below. ----- I’ve been pretending all my shots are blown. Cover my heart up, never let it show. I’m shaking it off to find a higher low. ----- So hold me when I fall away from the lines. When I’m losing it all, when I’m wasting the light. And hold me when I put my heart in your hands. ----- Oh, won’t you be my livewire? Make me feel like I’m set on fire.

Covering up hearts, igniting fires, and letting walls down: how fitting that the themes here tie in with those of the other songs. As the relentless yearning to explore one another in dimly lit rooms and memorize each other’s complexities simmers down, our relationship spins into something deeper.

Grazing touches and gentle murmurs become even more fleeting, soft. When we hold each other tightly, slight frame on top of strong, sturdy, in the backseat of his old car, we realize that somehow within the span of weeks, we’ve become inseparable. 

His confessions topple our own walls. As the night goes on, we mold ourselves into each other. Our dependence on one another is intoxicating.

4) “Breaking the Habit” Linkin Park A hypnotic, downtempo rock song that depicts the gritty reality of addiction, dangerous habits, and resentment.

Memories consume Like opening the wound I’m picking me apart again ----- Clutching my cure I tightly lock the door I try to catch my breath again ----- I’ll paint it on the walls Cause I’m the one at fault ----- I don’t know what’s worth fighting for So, I’m breaking the habit tonight

Things begin to spin out of control. One moment, he’s brittle, too quick to snap, to accuse others of false play, to push them away. In a split second, he’s soft again, murmuring gentle reassurances and apologies. We cannot understand his volatility. Fresh from the burn of an unfair, one-sided fight, we crack under the pressure. Everything gushes out.

The last thing we see is his back, taut with hard-earned, unwanted strength, tense with years of the strain of helplessness as his loved ones are damaged permanently. He has been cornered for so much of his life that running is a luxury. For him, the anger gnaws and carves away at his insides. All his adrenaline, his sadness, his quick temper feeds the addictive kick. He knows no existence without it. For us, everything dries up. What hurts more, his leaving, or the ease, the relief, with which he leaves? We sink into the deep, because we don’t know if he’ll be coming back. If he even wants to.

What we don’t know if that he’s the one tearing himself apart again.

5) “Nothing” The Script A stricken, pop rock ballad lamenting a damaged relationship and one man’s anguish.

Oh, sometimes love’s intoxicating. Oh, you’re coming down, your hands are shaking. When you realize there’s no one waiting. ----- Cause I’m shouting your name all over town. I’m swearing if I go there now. I could change her mind turn it all around. ----- So I, dialed her number and confessed to her I’m still in love, but all I heard Was nothing. ----- I wanted words, but all I heard was nothing.

We did not get the chance to see Zig’s perspective after MC leaves for California. For me, this song fills in the blank spaces. I wonder what emotions must have been running through his mind. Resentment? Regret? I imagine him playing the fight over and over again, and beating himself up for lashing out.

We know that whatever he felt, it was strong enough to compel him to dial MC’s number--and, to be completely crushed when she ignored his call. It was the final straw: the confirmation that MC did not care about him. Her silence hurt infinitely more than a punch in the face. And so, the walls go up. He hunkers himself down behind defensiveness once again.

But to finally find someone who loved him for who he was, and to lose her in an instant, stings. He knows that things could have gone differently.

6) “Poison” luhx. A stirring, indie and electronica track about apprehension, toxic relationships and choices, and the road to self-forgiveness.

I’ve been on either side of letting someone down and I don’t know which one is worse ----- Your toxin takes its time to settle in When you said how much my skin reminded of home Time seemed to numb my sins ----- I laid down all my walls so you could lay here next to me I know now... ----- Too much of anything is poison And it’s laced upon your lips But the cure is in the venom, so I keep on coming back My soul is stained with your poison

Admittedly, this toxic relationship is a bit too dark for our reunion. Yet, there is something promising about the song’s raw honesty.  It speaks of newfound wisdom, awareness, all qualities that make for a future of healing. “Poison” then captures Zig’s relationship with his past, his demons, and his journey to self acceptance.

Anger was Zig’s poison. It gave him what justification he needed to hate the world that dealt him this hand, to fight back against bullies, to have tasted and now expect rejection, and to avoid disappointment by putting up barriers around all of his relationships. In time, his numbness to his own aspirations became part of him.

Too much anger, however, and everything crashed. Inside, all he wanted was to be free. To believe in himself and his dreams once again. When he first met us in the coffee shop, he caught a glimpse of that brimming courage he once had, many years ago.

He fears that he is broken beyond repair. Perhaps this anger is now laced within his veins, toxic vines twisting around his heart, skin stained with bitter rejection.

There is beauty in his fear and newfound awareness. We are hopeful.

7) “Love Somebody” Ta-Ku ft. Wafia An evocative, soulful indie-edm ballad and duet whose lyrics speak of a relationship on the mend.

Darling understand, my faith wavers when I can’t see the end And I know you truly believe that our love will keep us from the edge ----- I know we’ll never get it right We only ever seem to fight Anyone else would walk away When you love somebody then you stay

The end-of-the-quarter dance dazzles with the promise of new beginnings. To our joy, Zig is about to embark on his college journey! And, amid blushing and stammering confessions, he’ll do so with us--his favorite girl--by his side.

Under the blossoms of the fairy light-strung cherry trees, we twirl about on the dance floor, hearts light and gazes warm. He can’t stop staring at us, but this time, he knows that we’re his. And he, ours.

The future can come with all that it brings. As his hands make their home on our waist, we are content to press our face into his broad shoulder and just breathe. His hope is sweet as the air.

8) “Arrest Me” Shy Girls ft. Tei Shi A sultry, electronica ode to the battle for dominance and waves of pleasure.

You got me tripping on my walk like I’m a novice. Something about you on the top, if I’m honest Running in circles around me, cuz you know I love it ----- I’m gonna let you tie me up tonight And you can read my rights, if that’s alright I’ll loosen up your ropes and let you bite I wanna feel your touch ----- Arrest me

Surrendering and asserting have never tasted so perfectly together. Zig makes us crave something deeper, and we can’t control the hitch of our breath when he crumbles under our touch. How is it that we render him speechless anywhere we end up? There is heat everywhere. His gaze smolders, sends one quake after another shuddering through our pinned frame. 

After, we lay together, nestled together among the bedsheets, his arm still draped over us. His hands feel rough, but his caresses gentle. As much as we love the storm, we relish the calm. The steady rising of his chest, his soft snore, almost childlike, as we drift away.

Whenever I make playlists for characters or stories, I always try to base the songs off of the feeling, rather than the actual lyrics. “Smoke Filled Room” and “Poison” felt the most ‘Zig’ to me; “Heart Out”  the least. Regardless, I hope you liked my rambling musics and sound bites! Now back to my exam preparation... 😭

[kelsusit]

Workstation

Solution Keys

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Even with fairly modest assemblies, Solidworks requirements a really good single-thread efficiency, and the rendering is CPU-primarily based and that rendering is a single of the few rendering programs that is CPU-scalar and can benefit from each CPU core offered. The Intel Xeon processor E5-4600 item family members gives the overall performance and energy efficiency rewards of the record-breaking Intel Xeon processor E5 loved ones to let greater density designs than available with preceding 4-socket systems. Our conventional wood desks function conservative styles and classic finishes. We have nothing at all but nice things to say about our experiences with these two programs and their behavior on this machine. Another advantage to a Xeon build, is that Xeon’s support ECC memory, something I would want for any program with massive amounts of memory in it (64GB+ particularly).

– A PAW ought to be used for administrators that update, patch, and troubleshoot enterprise servers and apps operating Windows server, Linux, and other operating systems. Now we talk about server management like Server Support solutions. This implies that AutoCAD can not take full advantage of a multi-core CPU as such, opting for much more cores may imply you invest more cash without having achieving any important increase in efficiency. Whether it be budget or space constraints, often we have to forgo an added-large desk. At 1 time when our firm was really busy, I purchased Dell Precision Workstations. You may possibly only use a single version of the Windows software program at a time. Overall performance, reliability from mobile to the datacenter – your job made easier with HP Z Workstations.

We generate stunning workspaces that uplift the wellbeing & functionality of men and women and organization. The graphics card is there for visual show of the model when you roll, pan or zoom. Workstations are specially made computer systems utilized primarily for processor intensive higher-end scientific or technical applications. An HP Workstations Specialist has the knowledge to help you select the right hardware and he has the relationship with Independent Software program Vendors to offer a complete resolution for your particular environment. Adjustable monitor arms allow straightforward height adjustment for workstations with several customers. Made with monitor stands, keyboard trays and CPU holders, our selection of laptop desks aids you find a answer that is tailored to meet your requirements.

Although accessing the difficult disk, a disk operation failed even following retries. The FORCE parameter have to be set to Accurate in order to clean a disk that contains a data volume. Final year it housed roughly 30 Graphics workstations with GPU cards for individual and group projects. InterPro’s range of higher performance workstations and render options are all hand crafted and designed to surpass your requirements. A debit entry will improve the guest’s outstanding balance even though a credit entry will decrease the outstanding balance. In the finish, if you are deciding on which skilled workstations to buy, the HP Z-Series are outstanding and will stand the test of continually-updating technology. The exact same applies for gaming, in case you had the price range for a $1,050 processor alternatively of, say, 3 Playstation 4s Most test internet sites agree that you’d be far better off spending that money on a far better graphics card setup than on the CPU, which minimally impacts gaming overall performance.

Dell XPS X8700-3130BLK Desktop comes with the Intel Core i7-4790 Processor, 16 GB RAM, and 2 TB Hard drive You can get it on Amazon for $999.00. The GIGABYTE one hundred series motherboard utilizes a newer kind of USB driver, which means you will get an error when trying to set up Windows 7. From the sleek Quartz range to the grand Silverwood design and style, Amart Furniture’s property workplace packages are obtainable in a variety of styles and sizes. This is 1 of the most effective graphics cards for professional use. With Peak Single Precision Performance of 7 TFLOPs you can get an idea about the card’s incredible power. Generate a stylish property office that operates as hard as you do. Our residence workplace furniture combines functionality and style creating an inspiring perform environment.

Processor Intel Broadwell-E terdiri dari 4 chip yaitu Intel Core i7 6950X (ten core), Intel Core i7 6900K (eight core), Intel Core i7 6850K (six core) dan Intel Core i7 6800K (six core). Noctua’s DX line of coolers have turn out to be a popular selection in high functionality quiet cooling options for Intel Xeon CPUs. According to most analysts that comply with the workstation market place, HP is a leader for workstations. There is a lot of value in the HP xw6600 Workstation, particularly with a dual-Xeon configuration, and it simply rates a best score of “five” in technical stars. Choose from corner computer desks and laptop stands to pc workstations that combine elegant hues with hugely functional styles for a distinct transitional feel. On the day of the incident the workers started setting tower sections with the help of a crane service company.

Requires DisplayPort 1.2a compliant monitors that support DisplayPort Adaptive-Sync and an AMD FirePro W5100, W7100, W8100 or W9100 graphics card with the AMD FreeSync technologies-enabled 14.502 driver or later. Therefore, your choice of memory need to be primarily based once again on the complexity of your CAD models and also consideration for future expansion, specifically if you see your self rising the size of your assemblies in the future. An invalid operation was attempted on an active network connection. A easy, flexible and all-encompassing remedy that combines hardware, software, lifecycle services and financing into a single single, predictable value per seat per month. NV10’s T&L engine also allowed Nvidia to enter the CAD market for the very first time, with the Quadro line that utilizes the identical silicon chips as the GeForce cards, but has distinct driver support and certifications tailored to the distinctive specifications of CAD applications.

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