#edward: effervescent

[queertwilight]

as someone who has moved to a smaller city (30K people in total) for grad school, i would like to say twilight is wrong. the smaller the population the more people know you. i went to a cafe twice and they already know my order. 1000% everyone in forks knows the cullens are vampires and are just too entertained by how bad they are at acting normal to break it to them

[gaypirate420]

This is how I think Renesmee looks like, and I don't mean it as a eewww stinky demon doll baby.

I think she would look like a literal doll, porcelain skin but with the little blush and rosy lips, unusual eye color, healthy hair and precious curls. And the way Rosalie (yes, Rosalie not Bella) dresses her wouldn't help with her blending in with a normal human child.

I think most people go for the horrible looking puppet on Twilight that they kinda forget how she's supposed to look like.

And yes, I got my interpretation from the Illustrated guide.

I don't care about Renesmee enough to hate her, she's a little creepy and I love that honestly, you go demon baby! terrorize everyone around you, girl!

[lookitsaworm]

Twilight but, when Edward rips his shirt off in his 'skin of a killer' moment, he doesn't sparkle but instead reveals a massive chest tattoo of a snail with 'effervescent' in cursive underneath.

[failmarriage-of-the-day]

The failmarriage of the day is Edward Cullen and Bella Swan from Twilight!

[eleayzar]

you know, you really gotta hand it to smeyer for writing a 'happy ending' that literally has every character worse off than before edward met bella

[rr-ibbons]

*throws twizzler @ u*

[monstrousdesirestudy]

✨ Edward Cullen this one goes out to you baby ✨

[charliespolicecruiser]

my boyfriend and I were discussing the url @bellasdumptruckass (hi bestie) and he was incredulous as to whether or not Bella really has such an ass. I think Bella has an. average? ass because virginboi Edward is too chaste for a true dumptruck. boyfriend believes Edward would be into any ass as long as it's Bella's. I don't believe Stephenie specified so uh

[nasty-bog-boy]

might fuck around and write a stand up show about twilight

[batfacednuissance]

Edward Cullen is so fucking STUPID angjwhs like I know most of it can be excused away as writing inconsistency/plot reasons/Mormon nonsense/whatever but GOD this man is so dumb

-his plan for leaving Bella human and avoiding the volturi is so nonsensical and full of holes. When Bella points out that the Volturi can find him he’s like “haha I can take care of myself 😄” bitch Jane flattened your ass on the ground with a single look yesterday who do you think you’re kidding

-“the volturi don’t measure time like we do. They probably won’t check to see if you’re human till you’re 30” and then they come like 6 months later (even before the whole Rigatoni visit Alice saw of vision of them coming to check)

-can’t put two and two together that the woman that’s been coming after Bella for the past year or so and the sloppily made vampire army are the same threat

-during the “we can’t have sex cause I might accidentally kill you” talk he won’t consider letting Bella be on top and letting her do the work so they could safely have sex or else just eating her out. And no, being a 100 year old virgin is NOT an excuse he has watched through the minds of Rosalie and Emmett fucking enough times to know how things work and you just KNOW Emmett has spent entire days going down on Rosalie with no break

on a side note does anyone have a fanfic of emmet and jasper giving him the offscreen sex talk I NEED it

-half of his inner dialogue in midnight sun when he’s interacting with Bella is “Surely Bella MUST know this *thing about his feelings he has never verbalized to her* but just in case I will *do the worst thing possible to try and make it clear to her*

-is INCENSED and insulted Billy black DARES to be scared of him and is worried he might kill Bella when him killing Bella is quite literally all he thinks about and worries about and almost kills Bella an hour later when he kisses her

-does not tell Bella they are going on a hike for their first date so she would wear proper footwear

I could go on but I digress. This man has so many thoughts running through his vampire brain and not one of them is smart, nobody let him make plans

[didthekingdieyet]

WILL YOU DIE ALREADY! PLEASE!! LIKE SURELY IT IS NOT THAT HARD?

BRO LITERALLY LIKE HOW HARD CAN IT BE.

someone needs to sue silvester him and push him down SEVERAL flights of stairs

[queertwilight]

ok y’all but I just realized something:

Bella grew up struggling to make sure they had money for bills and food. She was excited to have a used truck. She saved money in a sock under her mattress. She did not grow up rich. And here are the Cullens - these outrageously rich people and you’re telling me she lets it slide that they do things without thinking of the consequences? No one who grows up struggling can look at the rich and not feel angry at the privilege they have. You’re telling me because she meets a cute guy she is fine with the fact his family throws away groceries and buys them monthly to “keep up appearances”? That she’d say fuck it and not be pissed by them having multiple expensive cars and properties? That they don’t have to worry about getting into a college because they could bribe there way into it? Suddenly she’s one of 1% and she doesn’t care about her old life? That’s some really shitty character development.

[gaypirate420]

So little fun fact.

In the Latin American translation of Twilight. Newborns are called "Neofitos" which in Spanish means "Person who's been recently converted or accepted into a religion."

And I'm obsessed with that.

[wittyno]

Recommending this for all my twilight girlies (gn)

[killuwaluacey]

saw a bunch of swifties trying to prove their girl was a poet but all the lyrics they used were reminiscent of the Edward Cullen snail post

[thecatinthepurplepants]

I was looking for a way to get a label off of a jar when I was reminded of him...