#empathy in teaching

[thisisgraeme]

💛 Aroha in Action 💛 More than love. More than kindness. Aroha in adult education is about creating spaces where care, compassion, and belonging are woven into every moment. Our latest blog explores what it means to teach with aroha — and why it matters now more than ever.

[bombshellsandbluebells]

honestly though. the insane brainwashing Helena must have grown up with to fully view a whole PART of herself as just. a slave. to know that version of her was so unhappy she tried to kill herself and still view her as an enemy. no one's doing self-hating like Helena and Helly R

[crimson-and-clover-1717]

‘I didn’t mean to upset you…’

The first time I heard Stede say this to Ed, before I’d even understood the nature of their relationship, it sounded such an intimate thing to say.

They’ve only just met. Stede’s shown Ed an alleged illustration of himself as Blackbeard, and Ed’s reacted with disappointment and some annoyance. Not at Stede, he makes that very clear, but at his perceived depiction.

Now Stede could’ve said, ‘Sorry, mate, didn’t think,’ or ‘Oh, I’ll just put it away then.’ But Stede takes direct responsibility for the picture and the upset it caused. It’s such a moment of empathy. He then listens as to why Ed is upset by it.

And Stede’s tone. It’s not fear. It’s not ‘I’ve upset Blackbeard and he might hurt me,’; it’s ‘I’ve hurt Ed and I need to apologise.’

The fact Ed can show his upset as well. He’s cultivated a brand, and it’s taken root. But he doesn’t say to Stede, ‘Yeah, that’s me, so watch out!’ He immediately undermines the whole performance and facade, ‘That isn’t me, and it hurts that people - that you, man I have just met, but who has piqued my interest greatly - thinks that. Because it’s that Stede might think this is him that is bothering Ed most even if he might not fully realise yet.

And has anyone, ever, said a line like that to Ed his whole life: ‘I didn’t mean to upset you’… ? And meant it as Stede does? It’s entirely genuine. It recognises that Ed is a person. When was the last time that happened?

Just the immediacy of the intimacy and connection…

Please don’t think of me that way!

I’m sorry I’ve hurt you by even suggesting it, but I never saw you like that anyway.

[amplifyme]

[drjackrabbit]

okay but the way that mckay really is the strongest mentor of the bunch

[freya-ulfsdottir]

[reshirfuse]

every time i see a post talking about how "if your beliefs don't revolve around empathy then I don't trust you" and tbh it gets on my nerves every time.

Posts that say "if you don't get joy out of seeing others happy then you are a terrible miserable person" and stuff make me so angry, like you could have made a good point about the goodness of human experience but instead it had to be weirdly ableist and exclude people with certain personality disorders, autism, etc, and basically saying that if you don't magically feel a certain way about something then you're not a good person to be around. Weirdly dehumanizing tbh.

[zomboyhood]

i hate that people compare the three different stories in dbh bc each of them represent something so important in terms of the overall journey that EVERY android is going through

[shutupineedtothink]

I’m still s h o o k that people do not see exactly what’s going on with Moiraine throughout s2 and people are dragging her and dismissing her without an ounce of empathy for what she’s been through, so I’m bringing the full character analysis for y’all (and my own sanity). So this is a big ol in defense of Moiraine (and Lan) rant, so if that’s not your thing, scroll down now. Here we go.

I just… The AUDACITY some people have to look at Moiraine and be angry and pissed off at how she acts in S2. To not feel any sympathy and empathy for her and the monumental weight she’s under every goddamn day. There’s a reason we start with that bath scene in 2x01 – it shows you everything. How she’s just going through the motions. How she only lets herself cry when she’s alone in the water. How she literally curls into the fetal position and looks reproachfully devastated over her knees as she hugs them to her chest in a futile attempt at comfort. Not to mention the direct comparison/callback with the bath scene in 1x01, where she has both her power and Lan still, and now she’s lost her connection to both of them.

How is it not painfully obvious that every interaction she has after that bath scene is infused with a trauma response? Let’s tally up the devastation she’s been through. At the end of S1, she was 1. banished from the sisterhood of the white tower (they literally turned their backs on her), 2. was separated AGAIN from the love of her life fully expecting to never see her again, 3. was cut off from the other love of her life (that would be Lan, for the record) which is all the worse bc it’s her own fault for masking the bond, 4. was fully made to believe she’s been stilled from the one power aka an integral part of her being, AND 5. she’s “failed” her mission at the eye of the world – the one goal she’s had for the last 20 years, her life’s purpose – because instead of locking away the dark one she’s directly caused Rand to set Ishamael free.

You don’t think it's justified to be a little pissed off and standoffish after all of that? You don’t think the weight of that guilt, grief, pain, and loss is a reasonable cause to be distant, cold, harsh, having a little bit of a death wish? That’s TRAUMA, baby! She is absolutely wrecked, and it’s coming out in the worst way in her interactions with others (especially Lan because we’ve seen how they should be), but it’s absolutely not because she actively wants to hurt the people around her. In fact after almost every moment she lashes out at someone, we see an equally sad/grief-stricken/devastated moment from her and THAT’S the real emotion hiding underneath the anger. This woman needs therapy and understanding and patience, and does not deserve to be judged at the worst time of her life.

Ok fine, you say, but Lan IS patient and understanding with her! And she’s still an asshole to him! You’re right, Lan is absolutely trying his best and doing just about everything he can to be there for her in 2x01/2x02 (with a little help from Verin and Tomas). But 1. It’s STILL not about him, Moiraine is not obligated to respond in a certain way to her grief and pain that makes him feel better, and 2. This is Moiraine goddamn Damodred and even her trauma response is also a front to protect him, to push him away from her and what is now certainly a suicide mission to fight the dark without her powers.

This is SOOO important to really get Moiraine’s character — y’all gotta understand this: Moiraine truly loves only TWO people on the whole fucking planet: Siuan and Lan. They are also the only people who truly love her, unconditionally, with all of her flaws and imperfections. Please please ingrain that into your brain, especially for Lan, in this context. (Siuan is a whole other conversation I won’t get into at the moment.) Moiraine loves Lan, he loves her, deeply. That’s the foundation of everything they go through with each other in this season, despite what’s happening on the surface.

Once you accept that as fundamental truth, everything makes a whole lot more sense. She is a dick to him to push him away. Literally tells him he failed her to put the final nail in the coffin of driving him away, which is his worst nightmare. On the surface it seems egotistic at best, plain cruel at worst. But look underneath. Moiraine always has reasons 2, 3, 6 layers deep for everything she does.

With everyone else she’s mean to this season, namely her sister and her nephew, it’s born out of distrust (and the aforementioned trauma response). She can’t afford to trust anyone because anyone could be a dark friend. (And if they’re not a dark friend, then they become a liability and endangered.) Anything she lets slip could be used to hurt/control Rand and push them all one step closer to eternal darkness. Oh and when we see Barthanes’ true nature that turns out to be fucking justified, by the way. But I digress.

Right so why is she an asshole to Lan then? Because she doesn’t trust him? I don’t believe that for a second. These two have been on the same page, literally sharing the same headspace, for the last 20 years – she knows he’s the best person she’s ever met, the least likely to ever turn to the dark, ever. It’s an actual impossibility. So it’s not that she doesn’t trust him. She literally marvels at how courageous he must be to fight the dark with only a sword.

The true reason is: she does trust him, she does love him, and she KNOWS him. She knows that he will never leave her like this, in her darkest hour. He is both honor-bound to her (which he takes very seriously) and deeply cares for her. The problem is that now his life is in serious danger by staying with her. But there is no calmly explaining to him that he should return to the white tower for his own good and bond to another aes sedai who can actually channel, who can actually hold up her end of the partnership and protect him and heal him in return for his loyalty and sacrifice. Or better yet, find Nynaeve, who is not only ridiculously powerful and has probably the best chance of protecting him out of anyone, but who also loves him.

If Moiraine loves him and wants him safe, the ONLY option she has to protect him, the one good thing left in her life even if their bond is masked, is to drive him away. To make it so that he’ll stay far away from her of his own free will, and never come after her and her suicide mission to defeat the dark. Because she has already lost everything, she has no control over her fate anymore (if she ever had any to begin with), but the ONE thing she can still try to do is keep him safe. And hopefully, maybe he’ll be happy, one day. Her reasoning is directly confirmed for us in the last thing she says to him in 2x02 before she leaves: “Light protect you, al’Lan Mandragoran.” That was her goal all along, to protect him.

That’s the true reason she’s Like That to him. It’s all out of her love for him, and a desperate desire not to drag him down with her when she’s sure she’s destined to die on this mission. Is her strategy misguided? On the one hand yes, because she does need people to help her and she needs to trust someone, as he points out. On the other hand, she’s absolutely fucking right because look what happened with the Fade fight at the end of 2x01. Both her and Lan would have died without Verin and Tomas, and it would have been because she couldn’t channel. He is factually, logically, physically better off without her as long as she’s “stilled.”

This is why it makes sense how Lan eventually responds the way he does. He initially sees right through what she’s trying to do, he literally says he won’t let her push him away. He knows her too, better than anyone, including Siuan at this point. But he isn’t expecting her to go as far as she does, and it shakes him to his core. She tells him he failed her, has his worst fears confirmed, and then hears the words “we were never equals” and hears that she thinks she’s better than him, when she means the exact opposite. Tomas tells him to really listen but he can’t, in that moment.

But then he gets some distance, and some perspective thanks to Ihvon and Maksim, and he remembers: he loves her. He believes in her and he knows her and he knows what she’s doing to push him away (although maybe not why, when it comes to protecting him, because he doesn’t see himself as someone who needs protecting). Even better, he realizes that her situation is actually not what she thinks, that she’s shielded not stilled, and he can do something about that.

I LOVE Lan in 2x07 because he’s got Moiraine’s number now, and he will not be swayed by any further attempts (rather weak attempts at this point) to lash out at him. He just takes all the shit she throws at him, and calmly asks her what he needs to know and tells her what she needs to hear (“hopefully everything we’ve lost” and “that’s what I thought” and “you need to trust someone, Moiraine”), and is truthful with her even if she is still putting on this act with him in her fear and grief. He isn’t having any of it, he sees straight through it to the fear and pain underneath. And he literally DECIDES they are going to be okay, and then he fucking. Follows. Through.

He is not a doormat to her rage, he is not her servant, he’s not going back to her with his tail between his legs. He SHOWS UP for her in her darkest hour, when NO ONE, not even Siuan, can see what’s going on with her. That’s a true friend, a true hero, and absolute king behavior.

In conclusion, Moiraine’s behavior in s2, while not cute, is totally justified given the trauma, circumstances and everything she’s dealing with (jfc the lack of sleep alone) and makes sense in light of her ultimate goal to protect the world, which includes protecting Lan. And Lan’s response, once he figures out what to do, is the absolute correct way to handle the situation and is not weakness at all but strength in the highest order.

I’m so glad we got the payoff of all that with their conversation in 2x08 and reconnecting the bond. It was so beautiful, so earned, and reminded us of the level they’re on with each other — which is a soul connection way beyond what any of us can imagine.

[imogenkol]

— WIP MUSIC MONDAY

I was tagged by @neonshrike and @lilywatt thank you beloveds! 💕

There is a light, I feel it in me

But only, it seems, when the dark surrounds me

There is a dream and it sleeps in me

Keeps me awake in the night

Crying, "Set me free"

And I wake every night

Crying, "Set me free"

post breakup breakdown Imogen seeks advice from a “friend”

“You still love her,” Cal gently stated. Not as a question, nor guess.

Imogen grinded her teeth as she stared into the fire, hating that she did not have to say the words for him to know the depth of her longing — hating that someone else besides Bix saw her for her truth. But that is why she came to him in the first place, wasn’t it?

After a prolonged moment of tense hesitation, Imogen forced herself to nod and responded to him with unguarded honesty for the very first time in all the years they have known and loathed each other. “I do not believe I will ever stop. I suppose that is what frightens me above all else. Enduring a lifetime of loving her… without her.”

tag list (ask to be added or removed!): @socially-awkward-skeleton @inafieldofdaisies @voidika @florbelles @adelaidedrubman @simonxriley @tommyarashikage @buggknife @aceghosts @carlosoliveiraa @risingsh0t @unholymilf @thedeadthree @cassietrn @jackiesarch @d-esmond @loriane-elmuerto @shellibisshe @katsigian @captastra @simplegenius042 @theelderhazelnut @g0dspeeed @strangefable @kanos @cptcassian @nokstella @euryalex @auricfog @confidentandgood

[tiktaaliker]

my biggest personal malevolent headcanon that i care about so much is that arthur lester has low or no empathy

[crimson-and-clover-1717]

Weaponised empathy: to understand another’s feelings and triggers, and use that knowledge against them.

Izzy knows all about weaponised empathy. That if he throws a tantrum and threatens to leave, Ed will do whatever to stop it. This might be the first time we see it as viewers, but it’s not the first time it’s happened. Ed’s resigned ‘I should deal with this’ shows no element of surprise. He’s done this little dance with Izzy many times.

Izzy doesn’t explicitly know - and neither does Ed - that when Izzy behaves in this manner, he is pressing on psychological bruising linked with Ed’s father; picking at a seam that runs through Ed like a fault-line. Izzy just knows it works.

Izzy taps into Ed’s guilt when in fact Ed is the one wronged. Ed tells Izzy he was right to call him names; tells him he can be captain of the ship; tells him he’ll kill Stede Bonnet, interpreted as a vow Ed cannot change his mind on (‘He promised me’, 106).

Last time Ed fought back against an abusive father-figure, Ed killed him; and then Ed looked within and decided whatever it was that allowed him to do that was monstrous. Ed cannot look that ‘monster’ in the eye again, and so Izzy is able to repeat the fatherly-abuse pattern because Ed has put a blindfold on introspection indefinitely.

Feeling pity or sorrow for a person who deserves it, and wanting to help in some way is not weaponised empathy despite ideas circulating currently in the world.

What Izzy is doing is. He is able to read and feel something within Ed which is broken, using it against him as a form of manipulation. It’s sociopathic to feel someone’s pain and use it for your own advancement.*

How differently Stede acts when he realises Ed’s brokenness…

*I wrote this earlier this week in response to current political rhetoric and had it sitting in my drafts. I think it comments in other ways now also. I want to reiterate: feeling empathy towards someone who tells you they are genuinely hurting, and you wanting to do something to help, is not causing the collapse of the Western world. It is what sustains us. Those that choose to manipulate natural empathy against a person for their own gain are the ones weaponising. But I would rather give my empathy to 99 who need it, and allow the one who doesn’t deserve it to take some too, than not give at all. Be smart, protect your hearts and wallets where you can, but never stop saying ‘I’m your friend’. Never stop channelling your inner Stede.

[frootbyethefoot]

slightly relevant after this episode, but do you guys think about how whit seemingly spent hours with charles after he discovered terurko's body, even though he didn't know what to do or how to help him?

and how even though there was an active crime scene a few rooms down, the most important thing to him in that moment was making sure someone was there for charles and he wasn't going through this by himself? even though whit admits he wasn't sure how to help? and how positive of an impact this had on charles?

[whileyoureinschoolidothisallday]

Actually, I think it's culturally interesting that in 2016 when the current president was first elected, Undertale was poppin off for the first time, with themes like how we always have a choice to be good, to be kind. That your experiences get significantly duller when you choose hatred and violence. Showing mercy leads to much better rewards.

And now that he's back, with the lesson clearly unlearned, we get a remake of OFF. Undertale's much darker ancestor, with a much harsher take on the same lesson of morality. That by utilizing expectations and manipulating their perceptions of the narrative, a homicidal monster can easily convince the audience that they are the good guy and genocide is necessary--positive even--and by the time most realize what's being done, it's too late. The damage is done. There is nothing left to save.

You are forced to struggle with the image of your ruthlessness until the last action you have no choice but to take is helping him kill an innocent, defenseless toddler. You can do nothing but press the button until it is dead. He can do nothing without you. The blood is on both your hands.

"Hence nothing remains

except

for our

regrets"

[xxplastic-cubexx]

What bothers me about it is it's like... rogue is the Woman, so she's pure and good and nice and emotional and cares about others, but magneto is the Man and he's cold and harsh and mean and not capable of feeling empathy until now. Which is just...... not true. Magneto has clearly felt empathy before. It's like the writer made rogue his manic pixie dream girl.

The climax of the issue was when rogue stopped magneto from killing zaladane. It feels so hollow because we already know magneto kills zaladane after this all takes place, in the original uncanny issues. So like... okay, what's the point? What was the point of all of this? (To sell covers of rogue in a tattered bikini. Duh.)

I'm so glad this dumb shit is over.

ok i think THATS what was bothering me to an extent.. like Admittedly i cant speak too much on rogue's characterization since I Dont Know Her Like That but with mags some parts of my bones are itching......

at least it all over.... lets all hold hands and frolic in the fields...

[courtingwonder]

"Correction does much, but encouragement does more."

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (German poet and playwright, 1749-1832)