#empires smp incorrect quotes

[firekit21]

Empires SMP Incorrect Quotes

Sausage: If you spell skeletons backwards, it still spells skeletons.

Lizzie, deadpan: Wow, I can't wait for Halloween to see some snoteleks.

Pearl: I have a problem.

fWhip: If it's harder than 2+2, I can't help.

Shelby, about Joey: Katherine, they're an asshole! They have purposely stabbed you on more than one occasion!

Katherine: Some of those stabbings were accidental!

Shelby:

Joey: Okay, well, I know for a fact the third time was accidental.

Jimmy: Ha! Don't you know the trappers trap can trap the trapper?

Jimmy: I must be losing it, I'm quoting fWhip.

fWhip: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Oli without them noticing?

Gem: Hey, Oli, I bet you 5 bucks that you can't swallow this penny.

Oli: *takes and swallows tracker* Pay up, loser.

fWhip: …

Joey: LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS!

False: And here we have a capitalist.

Shelby: Did you just-

Pix: Let us all take a moment to appreciate that all of human history, human language, and the universe itself aligned to make this joke possible.

Lizzie: *speaking Mermish*

Joel: I know, I know.

Pix: You speak Mermish?

Joel: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Lizzie speaks.

Scott: We’re having a moment, aren’t we?

Joel: If by 'a moment' you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.

Pearl: Yum, thanks!

Kidnapper: *puts more tape over their mouth* I said stop eating it.

Joel: Do you think different paints have different tastes?

Jimmy: They do.

Katherine, visibly concerned: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?

Pix: What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

Joel: If you say "addict-ionary" I swear I will cut you.

Pix: I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer is much better.

Joel: …

Katherine: Last night I found out Shelby is a sleep talker.

Oli: Oh, really?

Katherine: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

Sausage: Do dragons fart fire?

Gem: I don't know.

Sausage: I thought you went to college.

Joel: I am strong! I beat Jimmy at arm wrestling!

Lizzie: Anyone can beat Jimmy at arm wrestling!

Jimmy: hEy-

Shelby: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for 30 minutes can’t?

[siriannatan]

fWhip, negotiating with Jimmy: We have Scott. Give us ten thousand dollars and they will be returned to you unharmed Scott: Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I’m only worth ten thousand dollars? fWhip: Scott: MAKE IT ONE MILLION– fWhip: SCOTT STOP

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

Pixlriffs: Hitler was a mass-murdering fuckhead, as many important historians have said.

[postureofashrimp]

Goblin child: *Staring*

Shelby: …

Shelby: …Wanna beer?

Tortious: HE’S A BABY

Shelby: I DON’T KNOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT

[omori-in-my-bloodstream]

Joel, watching the news: Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!

Lizzie: *walks in covered with ink* Well, maybe the squid was being a dick.

[sparkpelt111]

Gem: So, how was game night?

Pix:[war flashbacks to various people fighting, everything on fire, with sirens in the distance]

False(walking by): Only three helicopters were called this time

Gem: Well, I guess that's an improvement.

Pix: Sure. You know what, next time you host Monopoly night.

Gem(panicking): Oh, uh, my bees are calling me. Bye!

[feralportalmaster]

Joel: If you make a comment about my strength, I might throw you off the edge of Stratos

Fwhip: I- you couldn’t

[skeptical-frog]

Scott: I went through an entire character arc during quarantine

Scott: I became more evil if you’re curious

Shelby: We're still in quarantine, don't worry, there's time for a redemption arc still!

Scott: I’m going to get worse on purpose

[aventuraeva]

Sausage: I'm hungry.

Gem:We can make cookies!

fWhip : Will there be explosions?

Gem: FWHIIIIIIPP!

[incorrect-esmp-quotes]

Random cat: Meow.

Lizzie: You sly bastard, I never would’ve thought of that.

Scott: I’m sorry, but can she actually speak cat or is she just messing with us?

Joel: Knowing Lizzie… It may very well be both.

[ep2nd]

Incorrect quotes, Empires superhero AU edition. From @pacificwaternymph, go check it out on Ao3 too!

--

Xornoth: I have an idea

Sausage: Does it involve fire?

Xornoth: No

Joey: Does it involve burning something down?

Xornoth: No

Scott: Let's hear it

Xornoth: ARSON

Scott: NO.

--

Lizzie, who is temporarily blind: I'm not trusting my well being in the hands of Fwhip!

Katherine: It's either them or Scott

Lizzie: ...

Lizzie: So what are you doing today, Fwhip?

Scott: Hey!

--

Sausage: In my defense-

Sausage: *punches Fwhip*

Pearl: What was that for?!

Sausage: A good defense is a good offense

Gem: That's not how it works

--

Jimmy: This is a safety pin.

*cuts off end*

Joel: It is now a danger pin.

--

Shubble: Operation no more distractions is a go!

*not even 10 seconds later*

Shubble: Oh, look! A butterfly!

~

Jimmy: Ladies, gentlemen, I want to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld!

Scott: A llama?

Jimmy: No.

Scott: A baby llama?

Jimmy: No!

Scott: A baby llama with a little hat on?

Jimmy: NO!

~

Pearl: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths.

Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you.

~

Random Guy: *kicks Jimmy*

Jimmy: *starts crying*

Lizzy: *glares*

Random Guy: Awww what is this lil itsy baby child gonna do-

Lizzy: Your IP address is 157.134.166.42

Random Guy: Wha-

~

Sausage: Pearl, did you know you're my favorite sibling?

Pearl: *narrows eyes* Sausage what did you do no-

Gem: PEARL, SAUSAGE ATE ALL OF MY COOKIES.

~

Katherine: When Gem gets back, we're cleaning the building

The rest of the Alliance: *Looks at each other*

*5 hours later*

Katherine: Where's Gem?

Jimmy: Not back that's for sure

--

Jimmy: Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Scott: *sighs* That’s true…

Scott: But two negatives make a positive!!!

--

Pix, referring to Lizzy and Jimmy: Those guys are dorks.

Katherine: Yes, but they’re my dorks.

--

Pix: You know, people treat me like a god.

Shubble: How?

Pix: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

[firekit21]

Sausage: Sometimes I talk to myself for no reason.

Sausage: Me too!

Pearl, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.

Sausage: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.

Joey: If it pleases the court I would like to say that my opponent is TALKING SHIT!

Shelby: …

Oli: And what do I get out of this?

Gem: I'll give you a dollar.

Oli: What do you think I am? A chump? I would never do it for a dollar!

Gem: How about two dollars?

Oli: You got yourself a deal.

Shelby, after the fifth jumpscare: Why are you like this??

Xornoth: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

Xornoth: I feel like doing something stupid.

Joey: I’m stupid, do me.

[siriannatan]

More incorrect quotes

Felt a sudden urge to generate some more funny quotes. It's mostly ScfWhip and I think it applies to any server or series :}

Scott: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back. fWhip: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.

Scott: Violence isn't the answer. fWhip: You’re right. Scott: sighs in relief fWhip: Violence is the question. Scott: What? fWhip, bolting away: And the answer is yes. Scott, running after them: NO-

Scott: So what’s for dinner? fWhip, staring at the food they just burnt: Regret.

Scott: Welcome, fellow idiots fWhip: Hello, Scott Scott: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot fWhip: You underestimate me

Scott: I turned out perfectly fine! fWhip: Scott, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast Scott: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!!!

Scott, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box. fWhip: But – that’s just a trash can. Scott: It sure is!

Scott: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died- fWhip: Twelve, actually. Scott: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that? fWhip: Yours! Scott: That's right: no one's.

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

Shelby: It's impossible to say "bubbles" in an angry voice. Jimmy: Interesting... [later] Sausage: Why has Jimmy been on the roof yelling my dog's name for two hours?

[misted-buttercup-enjoyer]

Lizzie: Dinner's ready. Come down and eat. Bring down your lady friend. Jimmy: ? It's my friend Scott. He's a boy. Lizzie: Gay. Mom thought it was a chick. Jimmy: Well, he has long hair. Lizzie: Gay. Both of you come eat.

[whatmcytsaid]

Scott: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.

Sausage: You and me!!!

Scott, tearing up: Okay.