#esp bc of how I've been feeling recently

[sunshinycc]

I hope March is treating you kindly ☁️ hydrate whenever you can & keep doing your best, it’s good enough & I’m proud of you

Aww hey thank you!!!! That's very sweet 🥰 I hope March treats you well too!

[larryrickard]

i had a dream that i made little cards that say "THEY!" on them that i handed out to people at work who got my pronouns wrong, immediately after they got it wrong. and in smaller text (or on the back) it said "i don't want an apology, i want you to do better" or "don't say you're sorry, DO BETTER" and ..... i kind of want to do it. maybe i'll get some moo cards made lmao

various scenarios included:

me slamming it down on a desk in front of them.

instead i had stickers, would slowly peel one off while they watched, and stick it on it on them.

handing out a quarter sheet piece of paper based on the 'i caught being good' tags we'd get in kindergarten which said 'i got caught misgendering hallie/my coworker'. it would have their name and date on it and a giant 🙁 face. i had them as a pad of paper and would hold up a finger to say 'wait a second', dramatically pull it out of my back pocket, take my pen out of another pocket, slowly fill it out in front of them, and hand it to them while staring them in the eyes.

getting a whiteboard for the outer side of my cubicle wall that said '[days] since i was misgendred' (with a bonus by saying 'last offender: [name]'

i also dreamt that i got into trouble for it because i was making people feel bad and was 'creating a hostile work environment'. i was just like.... okay and how do you think i feel? and my boss shut up real fuckin quick. dunno if that would be the case irl but if that does happen i can only dream.

[rubberbandballqueen]

also, the kids found a nest with a dead bird on the ground today, and they started yelling abt it n drawing all the other kids over, so i had to actually switch into the Authority Figure Voice(tm) with them so that they wouldn’t like. literally desecrate its body by kicking it around for funsies

[astrxealis]

god so a little story. one of my best friends uhh we chat in discord often! have our own lil bff server ^_^ and we have mudae bot LMFAO and ... okay as a little “friend bonding time” she looked up all those in my wishlist (also artemis’s!) and bhgadhjg i just. think it’s funny that out of all of them she finds grimnir and fandaniel pretty

[lettersiarrange]

Since I just checked my ask box for the first time in a hot minute:

Just a note that tumblr doesn't tell me when I have new asks or messages and I rarely check my notifications. Helpful corrections of misinformation/any messages in good faith are appreciated (though it's possible I won't see them until weeks later, sorry), but if something I reblog angers you enough you feel the need to get hostile in my askbox on anon, I reccomend the unfollow button.

I'm also not comfortable posting asks asking for any sort of donations/directing people to your blog for donation purposes, sorry :// I just don't have time to vet asks like that

[e-6000]

•

[johannestevans]

i've been listening to a lot more fat liberationist stuff recently and like...

so obvs i already had some backing in a lot of the basic theory, stuff like institutional anti-fatness in medicine, fashion, travel, etc, but like

so as a really thin guy who's always found it impossible to gain weight, its been unbelievably emotionally and mentally liberating to hear people talking really casually about the disability that's associated with thinness

so like being really thin, you lack additional joint and bone support - if you fall, you have less padding and less STRUCTURE to protect your bones from breaks and fractures, right?

obvs theres plenty of fat people that do have issues with bones and joints, im not saying thsres not, its just that normally i feel like im the lone person saying "being this thin is bad for me and is part of various health problems i also have"

and idk its just like. my whole life i was such a sickly child lmao

like i couldnt stand for long periods except "long period" would often be like. any period. i didnt understand how my peers were just standing for so long and just weathering that, bc to me it wasnt possible at all - i breathed badly, my joints were fucked etc

and looking back and realising as i get more disabled like the extent to which i was similarly disabled in my youth, and how i lacked the language to verbalise or sometimes even recognise my own pain and struggle

but also like

the treatment of me as so evil and lazy because i wasn't exercising, or because like. a PE teacher would pick me out as an example because i was so thin, and then be furious that i wasn't remotely physically fit, and that i was disabled

i remember multiple times esp from cis female teachers just. frothing rage at my diet and the things i ate, or when i wrinkled my nose at talk about diets, bc i was so thin so i had to be doing The Right Things, and if i was that thin and doing bad things i had to be punished

and its bc a lot of these ppl thought of fatness and being fat as a punishment, a target for abuse that people deserved, and bc i was a young disabled trans guy like. i deserved punishment for my laziness and nonconformity, and it became a lot about my weight

like expressing that i wanted to gain weight, that i was cold all the time, that i had no energy etc, that eating was hard but that i enjoyed food, all of that was met with such fuckin aggression and really sharp policing, esp from PE teachers and esp from women

and obvs all that is to do with the way that diet culture particularly targets women and those perceived as women, and the desire to engage in lateral violence to police others into complying with gender roles etc as they were upholding them

but idk like. fat liberationist politics is imo inherently tied up with disability liberation, because of the way that "health" is weaponised as a symbol of being good or deserving, and how fatness and disability are both used as targets and symbols of evil and punishment

MOST OF ALL for fat & disabled people

but for nondisabled fat people disability is often threatened as punishment - if you don't become less fat, you'll (deserve to) become disabled

and for disabled thin people, if you don't act less disabled, you'll (deserve to) become fat

and its not a punishment to be fat or disabled or sick. its just how some people are. its not BAD to be this way - and what makes things hard for us is not something inherent to the badness of our bodies, but instead the lack of kindness and accommodation anybody is willing to extend to them

[emporiannee]

a xianxia au idea

buncha ideas n explanations under the cut

okay so it all started with this post i saw recently about the concept of yin eyes. it was kinda hard to look into. even if i use the chinese name, most results refer to them as yin/yang eyes and talk about them from a more modern context i think? so i'm just using it more as loose inpiration and will be referring to them as yin eyes for ease.

In this au, they'd be something one is born with and grants someone the ability to see ghosts and deities and see the presence of magic. Because it's more common for ghosts to be seen near people than deities, the general population considers the eyes to be cursed. However, they're seen more neutrally as a tool to people who are familiar with cultivation bc of it's ability to see through magic or identify ghosts in hiding.

Izuna

born with yin eyes. they're not hereditary like the sharingan tho. I think the uchiha in this au would be a clan known for having many great generals, heroes, ascended immortals, etc in their history and madara and izuna are expected to follow in those footsteps. I think it'd be fun to play around with how important auspiciousness/divination can be in xianxia and maybe madara was believed to be blessed since birth but izuna gets more mixed reactions, esp with his eyes.

izuna escapes from that environment by leaving for his cultivation but really he just doesn't want to be there and has complicated feelings about ascending in the first place.

his base robes should probably be a little ostentatious and gilded. His traveling robes and hat are more homely but gold embroidery and accessories are still visible and basically anyone can still tell he's some young lord from a rich family lol

Tobirama

his design was hard. I just ended up changing his hair bc his canon hairstyle was too uncanny when i tried to imagine him in a xianxia setting....

he's the second prince from the east sea palace. So he's a dragon. I think the water association and the treasury mentioned in Journey to the West suit tobirama well while the east being associated with the wood element suits hashirama/the senju well.

he goes out into the world to learn more about the humans and dresses himelf as a taoist with simpler robes and horsetail whisk.

i thought this might be funny bc according to cursory research, taoists monks would use the whisk to shoo away evil thoughts or the temptation to return to secular life. Tobirama would do this to people who annoyed him.

This is also purely self-indulgent and bc i've been reading tgcf but i think he should be able to transform not just from dragon -> somewhat draconic state -> human but also between genders for disguises. There is very little difference tho.

i have some ideas for madara too and i think hikaku n mito would fit well into this au as diviners/astrologists or smth. will prob stew on it for a while ^^

[raggedytiger]

how do you draw so.. raggedy ann..

aargh such high praise!! this ones especially for you!

for real thank you so much :D a few people have said this, esp since i've drawn ragatha. and to be honest i am pleased as punch. i've been watching that 1977 movie on repeat it's so beautiful.

if you wanted an actual answer, i don't know if i'm bright enough to be able to explain it, but i think its mainly a mix of medium and the way i draw fabric!

the raggedy ann & andy movie is traditional hand-drawn animation, ann herself being primarily animated by the one and only Tissa David. most of my character art is scanned in from pencil on paper and edited for higher contrast. this might be why, since that gives it a slightly sketchier finish, which raggedy ann definitely has (in comparison to like, recent ghibli movies).

as for fabric, i really like drawing fabric. it's so fun to make ragatha as soft and stitched and pillowy-looking as possible, especially compared to a kind of rubbery, stretchy-toy pomni. in my head, ragatha hugs pretty much replicate the feeling of being cosed up in bed.

earlier today me and a friend were at college on a bear-hunt online for this spread, which he found, and which is so fun and informative:

note the unironed dress, baggy shoulders, and hands like mittens a size too big! literally adorable.

i want to get my hands on the book that this came from because hoo boy there are some beautiful drawings from it i've seen dotted around niche animation blogs and forums.

anyway thank u so so much and if you were looking for an attempt at answering your question then i hope u have it ^_^ if not then anyone can feel free to ask/recommend/show me stuff about illustration & animation bc it is my study and i love to talk about it! if anyone wants the few other development pages of the raggedy ann & andy movie that i've managed to scoop together then do ask!! (& if anyone has links to more then u know what to do o_<)

[choccy-milky]

Hi Darling! First of all.. OMG I REALLYYY REALLYYYY LOVE YOUR FIC ♥️♥️♥️! I've been a silent reader for too long and this is the first time I came to the surface to thank you for this amazing fic and art that you've made.

I also have gathered my courage to ask you this. But headcanonically (if that's even a word but wtv 😭) in your fic world. Did Sebastian ever court or interested in someone before Clora? I had a wild thought that he was into someone and had courted them but wouldn't last long because he had to take care of Anne and this lass he courted was tired of his rambling about Anne this and Anne that. Sebastian decided that they should end things because not appreciating Anne means not appreciating him.

And when he dated Clora. He met her again. She desperately wants him back and apologises (She does have another intention though). He declines because he's already ill with her and is now crazy in love with our darling Clora. He chooses not to tell Clora about this. But I wonder what happened if Clora knows tho.

ANYWAY! THANK YOU FOR READING MY LONG ASS WILD THOUGHTS BUT I AM AN ANGST GIRL IN THIS ANGST LIFE. 😭😭😭💙💙💙

AW THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME💖💖IM GLAD TO HEAR IT💖💖 AND OK its funny you bring this up bc i actually planned for sebastian to have a bit of an internal monologue in my most recent chap about the girls he's had a crush on (before clora--omg... B.C), but i ended up cutting it out because it was part of a deleted scene. but no seb has never actually dated/courted anyone before clora, tho he defs did have crushes....but if he WAS with another girl before clora....🤔🤔hmm🤔🤔 i guess it would depend when in their relationship clora found out? if it was at the beginning when clora was still really shy/nervous/self conscious, it would obviously make her even moreso, and she would have compared herself and wondered if she was good enough and if she was doing things right. and i feel like that early in the relationship, if that other girl DID come back and try and get with seb, clora might actually be worried they'd get together again, esp if she ever saw them talking (kinda like the lawley situation, but in reverse BAHA) if it was NOW though and clora just suddenly found out....LMAOO oh boy. she'd obvs be like why did u never tell me, and itd go something like this: seb: "it was brief enough that i didn't see any point in mentioning it--we hadn't even snogged." clora: "well, it just so happens that i was with a boy before you, too. but we hadn't snogged either, so by your logic, i guess you don't care." seb: ".........." seb: "........alright, point proven." (and then seb would be all worried and confirm that she hadnt actually been with anyone before him/that she was just messing with him, and shed be like LMAO YES IT WAS JUST FOR ARGUMANTS SAKE OBVS) anyway clora might be sad for a bit but she'd get over it pretty quick, since she knows seb is so devoted to her/hed make it a point to be a huge simp for her to show her he has no leftover feelings for anyone else LOL (like how he was after the relic incident & during her period) honestly its just hard to make clora jealous in the first place, bc seb is such a mega simp for her LMFAO. and aS HE SHOULD BE!!!👇🧎‍♂️

[chelemlem]

scouring your blog for more characterisation on lando/oscar dynamic.... the not correcting mispronunciations blew my mind wide open. do you have any other wise takes

hello anon :3 pretty sure i've mentioned all of this in some capacity b4 and much has been covered in depth by greater scholars than myself but here are some 814 charactization quirks i'm fond of ↓

oscar resignedly accepting his own attraction to lando but choosing not to act on it because well..... it is what it is. in his mind being 4 tenths off his teammate is a more immediately pressing matter than lando fake moaning from an icebath 2 feet away [clenched fists]

lando subtly looking out for oscar, especially march-may of last year because he distinctly remembers his own rookie season (see: the "it's a lot, isn't it" exchange in the melbourne unboxed, giving oscar endless opportunities to redeem himself in challenges etc). i think part of it was him not knowing how much of oscar's quietness was a factor of the explosive feeder series to f1 jump and how much is his actual personality but wanting him to feel comfortable either way. also just lando being endlessly curious about this guy who is just a guy... because oscar is lowkey a lot funnier (to lando) than the general public's flat/boring diagnosis gives him credit for

a sort of blase level of comfort and wordless communication (see: virgin radio with zak brown) and also in general communicating via just. noises (the yes/no challenge is an esp egregious example of this like why are u bleating at each other. nvm) to borrow an oscar term here: they're low-frequency! bc while lando has a tendency to match the energy of whoever he's with (vs oscar who's pretty much always the same lol) imo at their core 814 are both different flavours of introverts so when they're together it's just kinda. chill

oscar being deeply tolerant of all of lando's idiosyncrasies and even assimilating to his rhythm... eating the same pre-race meal as lando/changing his answer's to match lando's in the who's most likely to vid/listening to lando's music through their shared wall/"are you ready oscar piastri" "i'm ready lando norris"... insanity

a measurable give and take because as indulgent as oscar can be he will rib lando and give him if not a hard time certainly A Time. basically oscar having a spine... but also bending to lando's whims... it's a fine balance

rating each other as drivers...... sure oscar is a well-socialized young man who can (occasionally) pretend net competence has a lot of moving parts and lando genuinely likes a lot of people he doesn't rate (real) but when it boils down to it the fact that they both think v highly of the others' skill as drivers (oscar constantly calling lando one of the quickest guys on the grid, lando saying his recent run of form is in part due to oscar being good enough in his own right to push him, "i mean, he already is") adds a whole new layer of intrigue. bc even when they get along there's that undercurrent of caution/what's he gonna do next/etc and who kneowsss how this aspect of their relationahip is going to evolve over the next three (3!!!) years together as teammates but i for one can't wait to watch :')

they barely (if ever) touch. compelling 2 Me

[seudonimoutforska]

Sorry I'm going to be posting about the Hbomberguy vid and James Somerton for a bit. I've been subscribed to James for 4~ years now and watched most of his vids except for the most recent ones. So I'm uhhhh a little gutted.

I did def start feeling Very Weird about his off script productions and comments against others in the community, esp to his cowriter Nick bc I think I remember at least Some aphobic rhetoric around the Ace videos. I really figured a lot of that misogyny (and now revealed transphobia) was just toxic mlm culture, and since it was a small part of Some videos I overlooked it bc I thought he would be a net good in telling queer history.

Whoo hoo that was so wrong! Like holy fucking shit! I regret every fucking view I gave him and I'm never going to get those hours of my life back!! Like I would even re-watch when he re-uploaded things bc I knew YouTube punishes those videos algorithmically and I wanted to see his success! But instead he stole from trans writers, AIDS victims, and fellow queer YouTubers. And fucking quoting fundie Christians and giving Disney credit for something they didn't even Do. Obviously he doesn't care about the community at fucking all and just wanted the money.

Now wondering how much of the sob story about his mother and Telos Pictures was fake: if it's just a shell company to gather money from his followers what could the repercussions be? This has seriously hurt my trust in YouTubers as a whole unfortunately.

[amethystfairy1]

hiya it’s been a hot minute since I sent an ask but I want you to know that I’ve been reading all your stuff for months now, refreshing multiple times a day bc I can’t get enough and I adore everything you write <3<3<3 I think your more recent writing with the darker themes is well done, it adds the perfect amount of angst and stakes to the story, more than vague threats of getting hurt, esp in the under city, but it’s not too much at the same time. Also your newest TT treebark is probs my favorite fic thus far, and treebark isn’t even my favorite ship lmao. It’s so arghhh yesss with Rens acting but Martyn can’t tell nooooo 😭 I REALLY want to know what Ren was thinking that whole time negotiating with the bandits, esp when he finally looked at Martyn bc he could probably hear his cries the whole time and UGH it breaks my heart in a good way. AND MARTYN ACCEPTING THAT REN WOULD DO THIS, AND FORGIVING HIM????? The angst, the FEELS. Stunning. A masterpiece. I start my days checking to see if you’ve posted I’m so obsessed XD. Might have to draw the scene… anyhow. I see you get a lot of requests to write certain ships now bc all the stories r so captivating we just HAVE to know more. But. I hope you don’t feel pressured or stressed about it, make sure to prioritize your own wants first. The quality is worth the wait <3 that said, I’m going insane over Martyn. oH also!!! Ren grabbing the wolf pendant!!!!!! He knows how much it means to Martyn my HEART they’re so AAAaAAaAaaaaA!! And he waited until he was between Martyn and the bandits to attack! To protect him! 🥺🥺🥺 the little details are so sweet I’m dying to know rens thoughts. He probably has the rage of a thousand suns in him after seeing Martyn tied up, hurt, crying, bc they would DARE lay a finger on the only one who protected him, who was nice to him. Just. Tomorrow can’t come fast enough. I’m def gonna draw this. Also side note love the new pfp

Hello!!!! Good to see you!!!!

I'm so glad you're still reading and enjoying my works!

Also very happy to hear you're enjoying the darker themes that have been coming up recently in both TTSBC and TT! You're exactly right, that's exactly the sort of thing I was trying to nail...oh yeah ANGST with Treebark right now!

I mean. If you feel inspired. I would LOVE if you drew this scene. Because like, I have that art you did of Ren asleep on Martyn's shoulder as the cover image to my Treebark fanfic doc 🥹

Thank youuuu I appreciate the thought about not feeling pressured or stressed, I promise I'm not! I know everyone is just excited for their favorite/most compelling storyline to continue! And like I've said elsewhere, I plan to stick to my mantra...when I try to write something I'm not in the mood to write, I burn out and don't feel like writing at all. That's what happened to me the last time I stopped writing, and I didn't post at all for nearly a year. I HATED THAT. So TTSBC and TT is the perfect situation for me! Lots of ships, lots of characters, lots of dynamics, and between the two I can write BASICALLY anything I feel like at any point in time! So yeah! I'll write what I feel like writing in the moment, because that's always when I come up with my best stuff!

THE WOLFS PENDANT YUP GOOD CATCH. Ren's a good guy, he pays attention to that sort of thing 💖

I'm glad you like my new pfp!!! I love it! It's by my same friend who drew my old pfp, but THIS one is of an original character of mine everyone who reads TTSBC is very familiar with and people very scared of, but I assure you, any resemblance to characters previously mentioned is purely coincidental, hypotheticals should be, should be, should be dismissed, and there is no need to be concerned. 😉

Thank you for coming by again!!!

[aquatark]

Can I ask your opinion on Endless Ocean Luminous?

Thanks for the ask anon! :D

I've been trying to get my thoughts on this game together into something that makes sense for a while now, but no better time than the present!

tldr: I seem to like it more than most people! I think this game is alright though it's still very flawed, and I'm still enjoying myself with it, but it seems very clearly rushed and it shows. I'm still very happy that the series has a third entry at all, and am looking forward to the future of the series after this game!

...okay, now I'm gonna aimlessly ramble for wayyy too long lmao (spoilers under the cut if you haven't played)

So, to get a few of my biggest gripes out of the way:

Having completed it... the plot is god awful (esp the ending, iykyk). I think I would have preferred having none at all, but Daniel is cool

The English voice of Sera isn't ideal, though this is an issue other languages (like Japanese, French) don't seem to have

The setting, character development, and lore is much more shallow, uninteresting, and poorly-explored through gameplay than any other diving game Arika has made, which is saying a lot bc EO1's plot was invented pretty close to release, and is known for also not being great

The game doesn't run as smoothly as I'd like. maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I remember a time when devs didn't feel like they could release their game if it crashes as often online as this game does

Some of this game's creature textures are far less polished than they ought to be for a Switch game. Surprisingly, most of the ones ported from Arika's defunct mobile fishing game are fine! It's stuff like the megamouth shark and bigfin reef squid that really stand out to me as sub-par

I'm not as bothered about this as some ppl seem to be, but I would have liked a little more customization freedom, ala EO2's suit cuts

Many creature descriptions are copied verbatim from EO2, which I really dislike. wasted a perfect opportunity to highlight different aspects of creatures, not rehash the same tired and basic facts

Though I love the concept of dynamic time of day underwater, it's executed very poorly imo. Could have done with some more fine-tuning (something that could be said abt... a lot of this game lol)

All of this however only detracts a little from my enjoyment of the game overall.

The fact that something like the story can be shipped in the final product with a dev team that shares many many people with the original EO games (seriously, compare the staff lists on the wiki, I genuinely teared up seeing so many familiar faces again)... suggests to me that this game was subjected to crazy time constraints, though I don't have any concrete proof. Nintendo has been known recently to be anti-crunch with some of its biggest IPs, so maybe an Arika problem? Regardless, this game shouldn't have released in the condition it's in, and definitely should not be the price it is.

I really don't like being too negative though, so I won't be! After all, and this may be controversial coming from an EO blog... but the various flaws of Arika's previous diving games made this not be the biggest surprise to me. I mean, I 100%ed EO1, including collecting every salvage and getting all gear/hairstyles! Do you have any idea how hellish that is? I eat slop for breakfast!!

I've still been playing a lot of this game with my dear friend MDB (us pictured below), and there are a lot of things I like about it!

I will, for example, drool all over this game's sound design till the day my son "dies" in a tragic submarine accident. Ayako Saso (main talent behind Everblue 1/2, EO1/2, and Luminous' original compositions and sound in general) knocked it out of the park as usual, with the menu sfx feeling really Everblue reminiscent in a way I adore, and the music easily being some of the best in the series. I know many fans are disappointed by there being no vocal tracks, but honestly? While I like the fact EO1 and 2 had them, they simply wouldn't have fit in this game. So I'm chill about it.

I think the random generation and focus on multiplayer are fun and fresh for the series! I have EO1 and 2 when I want polished singleplayer gameplay, and this game when I feel like something else. EO1 and 2's multiplayer objectively sucked, so it's a really interesting angle to take. The gameplay loop is entertaining enough for me - I like salvaging, scanning creatures, collecting tags, and hunting orbs, both in solo and shared dives. The framework is solid, but could use a little more meat.

The fact they were finally able to realize the "Ancient Sea" concept that had been thrown around during development since EO1 is lovely. Despite having been a dinosaur kid, I'm not really knowledgeable on any of the species depicted in-game, so their designs don't bother me... I'm just a sucker for human ruins overrun by prehistoric life!

Though there are some categories of sea creature that I'm a little sad not to see anymore, like seadragons, sea slugs, and many marine mammals... I don't mind this game's different roster. I like the creature variety, because imo, it would have been a little boring and predictable to have the roster just be every creature that was previously in EO, plus some new ones. This system avoids the kind of problem Pokémon games are currently having, where they have so many critters that they can't possibly put them all in one game, but fans are upset not to have the entire dex ported, y'know? It's like playing EO for the first time again!

I've seen several people theorize that the series was "intentionally sabotaged with a bad new game, so that they have an excuse not to make any more EO games", and... I mean... all I'll say about that is that there's no use killing something that's already dead lol. There'd been no games for over a decade, and very little demand for one - why would a game company looking to make money put so much effort and money into marketing, development, pre-order bonuses, and My Nintendo rewards in order to create hype for a game that's bad on purpose... when they could have kept the series dead for free? Nintendo clearly believe the concept of diving games has legs (or fins ig), with a staff team who love the ocean and dive irl, and are trying new things to see if it sticks better than the previous four games they've made, which collectively sold worse than Luminous did.

It may not all be great, or even good, but experimentation and trying unconventional things is what made EO such a special series in the first place baybee! We just remember the parts of it we liked, and forget the really dumb stuff. The EO team has never been perfect, and I can see their smudgy fingerprints all over this game... I mean, these are the same devs who didn't notice a crash so bad it had their game recalled, and repeatedly yoinked copyrighted material without permission to use in their games... but that's a long post for another day lol.

Soooo yeah! Those are some of my thoughts! Feel free to express your own thoughts on the game here - I'd be curious what other people think, and I'd be more than happy to answer more asks on specific elements of the game, or just getting me talkin' about this game, or any other game in the series for that matter! Any EO questions at all, ask away~!

Thanks for reading, hehe! >( ')

[johannestevans]

It's really fucked up extricating yourself from abusive dynamics when several ppl like. End up feeling safer with the abuser and the abusive dynamics in play than leaving that whole power structure and experiencing something new and unfamiliar

Idk some of it is the thing of. Well he abuses other people but he'd never do that to ME, i understand him and no one else is being fair to him

But some of it is just. Finding the abusive dynamics less challenging than the alternative would be

Idk it's sort of sickening thinking about how i basically experienced like. A tighter and tighter ring being drawn around me about what was acceptable for me to do or say or feel, and how when i asked for ways to like. Fix it

And then did as i was told

t was never enough - because that's the point? The point is it's never enough. The point is you always have to be grovelling and on the back foot, and they always have to be in control, bc their need to hurt and dominate others is from being like. Insecure and scared

And idk. A convo I've had a lot recently has been like "he feels shame afterwards" "okay, so what is he doing w that shame?"

And the answer from a lot of people was to soothe the shame bc it feels bad

But its like. Well you should feel shame for abusing others actually

You should feel shame for speeding in your car, putting the passengers and other motorists at risk of an accident. You should feel shame for ostracising others and making them homeless. You should feel shame for slamming doors and screaming in people's faces. That shit is odious.

And idk a lot of what im feeling recently is like. Anxiety about ways in which the DARVO tactics have been pulled on me, that I'm the abuser for saying things like "being treated like this is hurtful", even though ppl "set boundaries" against me saying things like that

esp knowing that everyone still within that abuser's circle is not only unsafe and one of them is gonna be next for the psychological abuse stuff, but also that someone could very easily be seriously hurt or killed by that behaviour

Idk I feel better for like. Blocking all of them and their friends on socials, but it's just shitty when its like. Several ppl involved who are engaging in the same abusive behaviour when you thought they cared about me, but they care more about that abuser than me.

[kimikaami]

I don’t go to fire emblem so I don’t know much but I read the snippet of your writing you replied to the post about strong queerplatonic relationships with and I thought it was lovely!!

Anyways as per the post asking you about your writing, what would you be most excited to talk about/share about your choices in your most recent piece?

—lea lesbianfakir

Ok 1) sorry it took me so long to answer, I have to be in a certain headspace for asks, esp when I know the answer is gonna be long and 2) sorry most of this probably won't make sense to you, personally 😭 this is a really interesting ask so ty for sending it but a lot of it goes into the Deep Lore

Also my feelings on the last thing I wrote are kind of meh so I'm gonna talk about a lot of some other recent things I've written instead

into the light

This headcanon was literally the reason I wrote the whole fic. For so long, Ive written both Byleth and Seteth as aspec, but I got to thinking about how fanon's idea of nabatean society is still rather human and modern despite their alien-ness, and wanted to do something Different. Seteth actually being rather allo by nabatean standards and ace by human ones is an idea that I love, and I think fits really well with canon. Like. Why are there not half-nabatean characters?? Surely their society wasn't that insulated. Surely humanity wouldn't have killed half humans off so thoroughly.

Here's some bonus conversational bits between Seteth and his daughter and Byleth and her mom that I'm fond of. For Flayn, it's because I relish any opportunity to write her as the adult that she is. For Byleth, it's because it's a conversation I've had with my own mom many times.

Adducent (fic is nsfw, but snippets aren't)

This one just means a lot to me. It was a really cathartic premise to write and I think the second chapter is pretty good. I wish more people read it because I think it's one of my best.

Smut fic is weird bc sometimes its so intensely personal that I really want people to connect with it. But you can't force people to read sexual content that contains stuff that they aren't into, but it's also not usually about the kink, it's about the emotions and self discovery. So it's this constant war in my mind between "please read this and See Me" and "I have to be rational and understand that you can't force that on anyone."

Anyway. Moving on.

Uncharted Waters

I will die on the hill that Flayn would not be purely excited to see her dad get with her teacher. I think, at best, she would be excited at the idea of it at first, but once she actually witnesses them Together a lot of uncomplicated, unprocessed feelings would surface.

I also feel like people tend to forget that she's like. A real adult. She fought in a war. Just because she hasn't had a lot of the modern life experiences that her peers have, doesn't mean she isn't one.

As the Sun Slowly Rises

I just like the banter in this one.

I've about hit the image limit, so I'm gonna reblog with the overtly nsfw ones. Thanks for giving me and excuse to ramble!! I'd been thinking about making a post like this for a while.