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#especially after the loss of a recent couple (i took them to my office)
shirtshawaiian · 1 year
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love wins
#now ive decided theyve got a forbidden romance . but just this once they can enjoy a moment together. immortalized by picture#alright i guess i have lore with my bedroom now. ahem#right now: that pigman is my boyfriend pigman. and that gnome is his boyfriend#thats the giant gnome the biggest of his group. so they all look up to him for leadership#especially after the loss of a recent couple (i took them to my office)#(theyre having a wonderful time there currently i left my beanie behind on one. sorry ot him)#so this gnome this big guy new and fresh to the room is like. lost#but my pigmans got him. (i am fine with this of course)#in fact im the wingman . my pigman boyfriend and his boyfriend the gnome#unfortunately they are Separated as the gnome must live life upon my windowsill and the pigman in my bed..............................#maybe i'll take more pictures of them together they make me very happy#its not inherently any wars or anything its just... separated by distance. and the giant gnome feels as though his little gnome pals#might not like his relationship with the pigman#simply due to lack of gnome and plush relationships in my room#the only thing close to that is my furby and my sucklet who are on an on-and-off relationship immortalized by some instagram posts#there is lego mothman and lego steve's skeleton too i guess but theyre both legos. they wouldnt understand. also theyre in a bit of a rough#patch in their relationship since mothman crashed the car after hooking up with steve in a bar. you know what i mean?#maybe i should clean my room. add environmental storytelling. hmmm
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smoothbydangelo · 5 months
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injury reserve, drive it like it's stolen (2017)
i can't place where i first heard injury reserve. i remember that i found them through their self-titled album in the summer of 2019. knowing 14 y/o me, my guess is i heard of them through a fantano review. at that point in summer 2019 i was obsessed with clipping. they were the first experimental hip hop group i listened to and their sound blew my mind (shoutout my best friend cam, he showed me clipping. in eighth grade). i wanted to find more music like clipping. so when i first listened to injury reserve (the album) i was stoked. they had something about them that made me an instant fan. i still come back to that album every so often and fall back in love with it.
injury reserve dominated my summer 2019 and followed me into my freshman year of high school. i started delving into their back catalogue that year and loved floss, live from the dentist office, and drive it like it's stolen, though their self-titled remained my favorite. floss and live from the dentist office became staples in my rotation that year.
when i heard about groggs's passing in 2020 my heart was broken. over the past year they had quickly became one of my favorite active groups and to find out that someone as young and full of life as groggs was no longer with us hit me pretty hard. i stopped listening to their music until late 2020 because it just became too sad.
when they announced by the time i get to phoenix i didn't know how to feel. part of me was so happy to hear new music from a group who's entire discography had excited me. another part of me was unsure of if i would even want to hear new music and be reminded of grogg's passing. i listened to "superman that" and realized i wasn't going to be able to make it through this new album. even as i'm writing this, i haven't heard any other songs from it. i don't know if i ever will.
injury reserve has been on my mind a lot recently because i met this guy in college who loves music. his name is anthony. he's a nice dude. knows way more about music than i probably ever will. a week or so ago we had a conversation about injury reserve which took me down this exact memory lane. through that chat i realized that i hadn't heard drive it like it's stolen in forever. i listened to it a couple times when i first got into them in 2019, but i couldn't remember a single song off of it except "see you sweat," which i didn't remember being too fond of.
i listened to the album in full this morning while i was writing an essay. i got sidetracked pretty quickly because this album is incredible. it doesn't compare to my memory of it at all. i think the minimalist production made this album seem bland to me when i was expecting something as explosive as their self-titled when i first heard it. parker's production never fails to catch my ears. i'm listening to "boom (x3)" right now and the piano sample is gorgeous and perfectly juxtaposed to the bombastic drums and verses.
if i had to use one word to describe this album it would be "understated." the choruses are simple and far from eye-catching. more than any of their other albums, drive it like you stole it really just feels like two guys rapping. parker's production is great but it takes a backseat to ritchie's and groggs's verses.
nothing highlights this better than "north pole." this song is a million things. it's really sad. it's mature. it might be my favorite song on the album. it's probably the best beat on the album. ritchie's verse makes me cry. especially the last three lines where he talks about his loved ones who have passed watching over him write and perform his songs.
after "north pole" comes "colors," which also might be my favorite song on the album. now it's groggs's verse that makes me cry. especially when he says that life isn't supposed to be perfect, it's supposed to be lived. jesus man what a loss. i just know that guy had so much more to say.
this album places more focus on lyricism than any other project from injury reserve. i think that's really brave. parts of this album make me feel like i'm at an open mic hearing someone read their poetry to a room of a dozen people. i think part of that feeling can be attributed to its brevity. it's only seven songs at 20 minutes.
i don't think this is a perfect album. "see you sweat" still isn't one of my favorite injury reserve songs. it kinda feels out of place on this record. it's not awful or anything, just kinda feels like a floss leftover.
overall though, i think drive it like it's stolen is incredible. these guys have something to say on this album. i hope that putting so much of their pain into their music was cathartic for them. maybe this is wishful thinking but i found an underlying optimism in this album, like ritchie and groggs knew that their past fuck-ups didn't define them. that pain is temporary. that progress isn't linear and "perfect" is unattainable.
i hope that parker and ritchie are doing well. i know that they started something called "bye storm" recently but i haven't looked into it. i think i might though. rediscovering injury reserve has made me think about a lot. i wasn't in the right headspace to listen to by the time i get to phoenix when they released it. but a lot has changed since then. i'm doing a lot better. i live three hours away from where i grew up. i have a different area code and new friends and hobbies. maybe i should check by the time i get to phoenix out. i'll think about it.
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amberjazmyn · 5 months
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kian egan one-shot
𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - you stayed ("whenever you're ready baby girl" alt ending)
𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - happy ending, girl dad x kian, terminal illness, crying, flashbacks
𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - whilst kian and jodi egan's eldest little girl always seemed to draw the short straw in her life, what if she actually survived and beat her cancer? what if she actually never died after the newcastle shows of the farewell tour? what if she made it to her tenth birthday and every other birthday after that? what if her short straws began to grow back healthy again in the same way she had? what if she got to see her dad's band reunite seven years later?
𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - since writing the original version of this for kian, i decided to write an alternate ending where willow egan doesn't die because i still can't believe i wrote about child loss and she actually survives and sees through what was thought to be the rest of the end of westlife in 2012 and then their reunion in 2019 as a teenager, even though in the original, i have the timeline as this being written during the reunion and as willow being younger than koa but i've decided to change it lol so, sorry! no song will be used in this but flashbacks from the original one-shot will be in italics, present in normal font and like the original, it'll be written in lowercase. 
masterlist
- - -
willow egan was eight-years-old when she was diagnosed with cancer. she already wasn't considerd a "normal kid" because of who were parents, kian egan and jodi albert are. however, the moment the young girl and her parents heard the news of the heartbreaking diagnosis, they knew exactly how the press and other kids willow's age would react. to the other kids and everyone else, not only did willow's parents and their fame make the girl weird but her new cancer diagnosis made her even weirder and as though she was an exhibit in a museum.
when willow was nine-years-old when her dad and his bandmates were starting their farewell tour before splitting up, there was a moment. during the first of five shows in newcastle, united kingdom, that everyone, including willow herself, thought she wasn't going to make it through the entire day and wake up the next morning. but, she did wake up the next morning. she opened her eyes the next morning and cried out for her daddy who was on stage. in a rage of emotions, georgina bryne, who is the wife of kian's bandmate nicky byrne, rang kian in a frenzy of her own emotions.
thinking the worst, kian was mere seconds away from dropping everything at newcastle's metro arena. that was until he heard the very voice he had thought, imagined, he would never hear again. he then stopped for a moment and took that as his chance to just breathe. his little girl was alive and she was okay.
willow's pov | flashback to cancer diagnosis
i could tell my parents felt like the walls in the doctor's office was closing in on them. they, like me, never imagined to be getting this news. after all, it was just supposed to be just another regular hospital trip for me, eight-year-old willow egan.
whilst i wasn't in the office with my parents, whilst my doctor, dr phelps, told them, i could still hear them. especially when it's realised that the hospital is never as soundproof as one thinks, "...mr egan? kian, did you hear what i just told you?" dr phelps questioned my dad, who until now had never really called him by his first name as dad responded after blinking a couple of times
"no, sorry, what did you say? could you please repeat that?" it was obvious that dad was still so far away from dr phelps' office mentally, doing his best to not tune out a second time since it was important news that dr phelps was telling my parents
"i was saying that, with willow's recent diagnosis of terminal cancer, she can still try chemotherapy and maybe a little bit of radiotherapy but we are not certain that it'll work in the way it usually would if we had seen it earlier..."
ahh, yes, i could see the wheels in my dad's head start to turn as he realised what the conversation was about. his eldest and only daughter, me, had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and were having a conversation about the roads of treatment for me. and just how successful they could be for a small eight-year-old who had many ailments before this new one. as i watched from the waiting room, i could tell that dad could feel a cry building in his throat, mum also feeling it as well, holding his hand tightly as i knew they both wished they were anywhere but in dr phelps' office at this moment. 
i watched as dad continued the conversation, "...ah, umm, so, theoretically speaking, if our daughter...willow, was to undergo a round or couple of chemotherapy and maybe radiotherapy, how long would you say we'd have her with us, realistically?" dad gulped as i watched the way he fiddled with the scrunched up tissue in his palm as he squeezed mum's hand with his other hand  
dr phelps paused before he continued, "now, mr egan, i really couldn't tell you because this is so new and so late in finding the cancer in willow's system that we truly have no idea how long it could potentially prolong her life but, once the chemo and radiotherapy do start, then we can start estimating things like that..." dr phelps responded as i could tell that dad felt his heart shatter
mum feeling like she was holding all of his heart and hers together. dad's face almost crumbling as he then turned away from the dr when he caught a glimpse of me. which i quickly turned my head to make it seem as though i was in conversation with my uncles nicky and shane, who had lovingly put their hands up to take care of me whilst uncle mark put his hand up to take care of my baby brother, koa.
hesitating to turn his head back around, he quickly did so before continuing on, making me turn to look back at my parents and dr phelps, "...she doesn't deserve this..." hearing my dad so heartbroken and his voice so croaky from his tears was not something i'd ever heard before as he brought his tissue up to cover his face, mum comforting him whilst dr phelps sighed solemnly 
"...no, she doesn't kian, no one her age does. she's so young but, unfortunately, these things happen and it's absolutely cruel but i promise, we'll do everything we can to make sure your little girl has the best chance of surviving and beating her cancer since she was so strong during all of her other surgeries and ailments," dr phelps was confident in the idea that once again, i was going to survive another diagnosis
but heartbreakingly, i could tell mum and dad thought otherwise and it seemed as though, in my eyes, i too thought the same thing as my parents.
as mum, dad and dr phelps continued to chat, i silently slipped my hands into both of uncle nicky and uncle shane's hands since i was sat in the middle of them. i was absolutely terrified and it didn't take a genius for uncle nicky and uncle shane to figure it out either and the looks we shared with each other weren't as helpful as we hoped they'd be. 
present time
as i remebered the day i was diagnosed, i remembered that i didn't cry like i had imagined myself i would have. because if you know my family well, most especially my dad as well as my uncle shane, we're literally the definition of crybabies. like, to the point where it's been mentioned in interviews before that my dad is so emotional that he cries at the opening of a hat and that uncle shane is very similar that is also a crier. so the fact i didn't cry after my cancer diagnosis is something i'm just realising years later at nearly nineteen years old and that's insane to me. completely insane because at eighteen, nearly nineteen, i'm still the crybaby that i was until my cancer diagnosis.
right now, i was hanging out with my younger brother koa. he was only a literal baby when i was going through the cancer and it's something that he genuinely does not remember well. i have been told though that there are times that he does have vague memories and it makes him really upset and panicky. but what makes him upset and panicky is because he can't remember everything about it, only small little pieces of it. since then, we've added two more egan's to the pack and they are two little boys, zekey and cobi. zekey in 2014 and cobi the most recent in 2018. but, going back to hanging out with koa, we were literally just getting ready to head out for a surf since i could drive and had my own car now. and, because of that, i could drive us down since both mum and dad were at work, nan (dad's mum) taking care of the other two boys for the day. everything was completely fine and happy as koa and i got ready separately (obviously) but, as i was taking a bit longer, koa had knocked on my door to check in on me. i was no longer fine and happy. as i slipped on my bikini and reached up to grab my wetsuit, i had caught a glimpse of all my scars and my porthole where i would get my chemo put in. it was really the first time i had seen it since i had been named in remission and by every technicality, cancer-free. and i hadn't realised how traumatising and ugly the scars and porthole actually was until this moment. the moment which i actually took a moment to stop and look at it after actively avoiding my glance from it for so many years.
and i cried.
i cried my eyes out nearly nine whole years after my initial diagnosis. 
i hadn't cried this much or this hard i don't think since i had told aunty georgina, uncle nicky's wife, that i thought i was going to die during the first show in newcastle of westlife's farewell tour. and obviously, hearing koa knock on my door meant that he had heard me break down into tears. and usually, similar to dad and mum, but especialy dad, i'd usually try to hide it in front of my brothers, especially koa. but, this time, i just couldn't. not because i couldn't control my tears but because i needed to stop hiding my emotions from my younger brothers.
after his knock, i heard his voice and it made me smile, "...you okay willow?" he asked as i tearfully giggled, wiping my hand underneath my nose
"you can come in if that's what you're asking koa, my door's unlocked," i tearfully chuckled as i turned away slightly from the door and looked back at myself in my full-length mirror
i then heard my door slightly creek open as koa walked in. he then noticed me in the mirror and his face fell as he saw my tear-stained face. immediately, he rushed over and pulled me in for a hug as he quickly noticed what it was that i was staring at in my reflection. my porthole and other scars being the first thing that started koa's memories of me having cancer whilst he was a baby.
and then, the next thing he said was the utmost sweetest thing in the world and made me cry even more, "don't let those scars upset you anymore, willow. because they're the reason why i can hug my older sister every day! you may think it's ugly but, i don't. i see them as the reason why you're still alive and got to watch me grow up and got to meet zekey and cobi! if it's making you so upset to look at it in your bikini, which i think you great in by the way willow, we don't have to go surfing today if it's making you feel a bit icky to do so. we could just instead go for a walk along the beach and go surfing over the weekend with mum, dad and the boys?" koa sincerely asked as he didn't let me go out of his hug as i smiled, shocked at how this little kid, my little brother was so emotionally intelligent
pulling back out of the hug, tears still streaming down my cheeks but for happier reasons this time, i nodded my head, "that sounds perfect koa, thank you, little man! you are such a sweetheart and i love you so much, buddy. of course, we can go for a walk on the beach and then go surfing with the family over the weekend. i'll just throw some clothes over the top of my bikini and then we can hit the road, that sound okay koa?" i asked after thanking my brother as he nodded his head, swiftly leaving my room without another question as i then threw on a pair of linen pants and a halter crochet top before grabbing my phone
meeting koa downstairs as he handed me a pair of flip flops, my car keys and handbag, we said farewell to our nan and our two younger brothers. we then got into my car and we drove down to the beach at strandhill.
flashback | willow's pov
it was the first of five consecutive shows at the metro arena in newcastle for westlife's farewell tour when i thought i'd not wake up the next day. it was during the day that aunty georgina was looking after me when i genuinely thought my life support machine and my body was going to go awol and that i wasn't going to wake up the next morning. i was aboslutely terrified to close my eyes, worried that if i did, i wouldn't wake up tomorrow. suddenly remembering all the other times i was tired and knowing that i'd wake up the next morning. however, more recently, falling asleep and just closing my eyes has been scary for me.
shaking with worry, i reached over to grab aunty georgina's hand which she immediately grabbed, "what's wrong, love?" she asked without hesitation as i tried to calm down as best as i could
"i...i'm so scared to fall asleep, g. what...what if i don't wake up tomorrow morning?" i whispered fearfully as georgina softened as she held my hand, squeezing it tightly
"oh, darling. don't be scared, i'll stay here, awake with you all night and make sure nothing bad happens to you throughout the night. you are safe sweetpea, aunty georgina's got you!" she whispered as i nodded my head but still didn't want to close my eyes
however, with some more encouragement from aunty georgina and her singing my favourite westlife album, we managed to get me to close my eyes and fall asleep. just hoping, praying, that i was going to be able to open my eyes the next morning.
and i did. i opened my eyes the next morning.
and i cried out for my dad, enough though i knew he wasn't here in ireland.  
and in a flurry of her own emotions, aunty georgina rushed to grab her phone and ring him.
and i just knew he was ready to drop everything, thinking the worst. ready to leave newcastle's metro arena when he heard the one voice i think he also thought, imagined, he wouldn't hear again.
i was still alive.
present time | 2022 
finally, after what felt like forever, and the hell that was the coronavirus pandemic and constant lockdowns, concerts were finally safe enough again to do at full capacity. so, here the entire westife family were at the aviva stadium in dublin and it was an emotional moment, that's for sure. and it wasn't just because we were finally able to have tours and concerts again. but because i was eighteen, an age that no one thought i'd be able to reach because of the cancer that i was now in complete remission from. and, it was also actually the anniversary of my first diagnosis back when i was eight years old and i was now eighteen. so, i just knew that at some point in the show, most likely before or during "you raise me up" that dad was going to talk about it. and then get very emotional over it which would then get me emotional over it all over again.
 and, who would've though, i was correct? however, i did not think it would have my dad inviting me up on stage before "you raise me up" but, in all honesty, i didn't care. i grew up with the westlife fans so i wasn't uncomfortable on the stage so, i went along with it.
smiling, i walked on stage and over to my dad, standing in the middle of him and uncle nico. getting smooshed into a westlife sandwich has honestly always been my favourite thing about having my dad as one of the members. even at the age of eighteen, i still enjoyed all the hugs the same way i did when i was a little kid.
dad then grabbed my hand, grabbing the attention of the entire audience. still giving me a shock at how easily he and my westlife uncles could control the audience. he then introduced his speech before the next song.
"...hey dublin, how are we feeling tonight, alright?!" dad shouted, the same introduction for every single one of his speeches at a westlife concert, making me giggle as the crowd cheered at his question
giving me a smile, he then continues with his second introduction in his speech, which was me, "so, as everyone possibly already knows, this is my eldest child and my only daughter, willow, who is eighteen years old..." he trails off as shock ripples through the crowd which makes us all laugh
and that included me too. because, i truly also sometimes forget that i am eighteen.
"...i know, it's crazy to say i have an eighteen-year-old too so, don't worry, it's just as shocking for me as it is for you guys! but umm, that's not the reason why i invited her on stage. the reason why i invited willow on the stage with us tonight is that, on this very day when she was eight years old, we were told that willow had cancer..." he trailed off as i smiled softly and squeezed his hand tighter as he smiled back, uncle nicky, uncle shane and uncle mark moving closer by as well
taking a deep breath, dad continued, "...and for a while, we didn't think willow would make it through the very beginning, the first show of our five shows in newcastle during our farewell tour back in 2012 after she had turned nine. because, during this time, it seemed as though willow's chemo was not effective anymore. it was during this first show in newcastle of the farewell tour that she thought she wasn't going to wake up the next morning. i remember because like i already mentioned, we were doing the first of five shows in newcastle for our farewell tour in the metro arena and i got a phone call from georgina, nicky's wife. and immediately, i thought she'd be on the other line in absolute hysterics telling me that willow had died but, she hadn't. she had rung me up because willow had woken up and had cried out for me. hearing my daughter's voice that day, just as i was ready to drop everything and leave newcastle for my daughter. to then hear that she was okay and that she was still alive was all i needed to know that she was getting better. and that maybe, just maybe, she'd recover and be okay again..." dad once again trailed off as it started to get way too emotional as i smiled, feeling slightly embarrassed as the crowd stayed in utter silence
which is probably why i felt a little bit uncomfortable at the same time. since, they are usually never, the westlife fans, this quiet when my dad and uncles are on stage.
"...so, for this next song, if we're throwing out some dedications which we always do. even if we don't necessarily say them, i want to dedicate this next song to willow and the rest of our children. this is "you raise me up" please sing it if you know it, dublin!" dad finished introducing and he only had a couple tears streaming down his cheeks as we had a group hug before the song started
i stayed on stage during the whole performance of "you raise me up" and it felt magical looking at all the flashlights shining brightly. they swayed from side-to-side from my vantage point on the stage. having the privilege to even be alive and be in complete remission from my cancer.
then, during the instrumental part of the song, dad raised his microphone to this mouth and spoke up again. revealing some news that we had only just found out this very morning to the point that, i don't even think he had told uncle shane, uncle nicky and uncle mark.
dad smiled brightly as he got everyone's attention as he announced the news, "...this morning, we found out the best news in regards to willow and her cancer. we got told his morning that she is finally in complete remission and has been said that she is cancer-free!" he smiled tearfully as i turned around to see how uncle shane, uncle nicky and uncle mark reacted and it made me teary-eyed
giving me the answer that this was the first time they had been told as well. uncle nicky, uncle shane and uncle mark then rushed over and pulled us in for a group hug in which i started to cry. in pure joy that i was healthy again, my cancer is finally gone and i didn't have to be constantly in the hospital anymore.
the band then finished the rest of the song, singing it directly towards me. we then all rushed off so they could do their quick change before their encore.
~
the show had finally finished and as we relaxed and enjoyed each other's company, i got a notification saying that dad had posted to his instagram. and i just knew instantly what it was he had posted about. he had been saying all day that he had wanted to also make an instagram post, announcing that i was officially in complete remission and cancer-free. so, he did.
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kianegan when willow was eight-years-old, she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, the uncertainty of her survival. however, all these years later and i have an eighteen-year-old, nearly nineteen, who i got to see reach all of her special milestones. like her tenth birthday, her high school graduation, her eighteenth and soon her nineteenth. she also got to see all of her brother's birthdays, all of their births and will be healthy enough to watch them grow up even more and watch them reach their special milestones. my daughter stayed and it is the biggest joy to say that willow is now in complete remission and cancer-free! i love you so much, willow storm egan. and if i had to watch you go through cancer all over again, i would do it. because it reminded me of truly how special and irreplaceable you are. you were me and mummy's first baby and our first daughter. you know we would do everything and anything to make sure you were your happiest, your healthiest and your best. and i truly do believe that this next season in your life, with you cancer-free and no longer in hospitals constantly, you'll be truly successful in every single thing you wish to do with your life! you are such a strong girl and even though you always say it was me, mum and koa as the reasons why you stayed, i truly believe that it was you that made yourself stay. and that it was you that gave you the strength to push through. dad loves you willow, thank you for staying 🤍
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willowegan i love you so much, daddy! i am truly so grateful to be cancer-free! and don't thank me for staying, of course i'd stay 🤍
kianegan willowegan i love you more baby girl and i know you're grateful and so am i 🤍
jodialbert these photos of our little girl! i cannot believe she's nearly nineteen 🤍
kianegan jodialbert i know right? it makes me feel so old, like, we nearly have a nineteen-year-old! 
markusmoments i swear to god, we need to stop telling each other things for the first time on stages! last time that happened, i told you all that layla was a girl! but, in all seriousness, it brings me so much happiness that willow is cancer-free! 
kianegan markusmoments lol, we really do! and it brings me so much happiness as well, getting that phone call from dr phelps was like a dream come true! 
rokeating wow, willow is finally cancer-free! i'm in tears, i cannot believe it! such good news to be heard after all the negativity in the news lately 🤍
kianegan rokeating i know! and trust me, i was crying my eyes out writing this and i still struggle to believe it and i'm glad to be the bearer of happy news after all the negative news 🤍
caileano best news ever, kian! hearing that willow's cancer-free was truly the highlight of the entire evening! 
kianegan caileano i agree! i had moments where i just wanted to scream it out way earlier in the show but i knew i couldn't! 
georginaahernbyrne this is great news kian and jodi! i'm so glad that willow is finally cancer-free! it seems as though that time from eight years old to eighteen/nineteen has been a whirlwind but also somewhat of a fever dream! 
kianegan georginaahernbyrne i know! so am i, it's been a long, windy road but, i'm glad we've finally reached the end of it! 
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willowegan life since being cancer-free 🤍
~
being a survivor of childhood cancer, amongst other things throughout my life, i knew i wanted to stay and stay alive the moment i was told i had the "big c". since entering complete remission and getting labelled cancer-free, i've graduated high school, i've travelled back and forth between the uk and ireland. i've turned eighteen, i've gone on nights out with my parents and westlife uncles and aunties. i've gone to concerts with my cousins and i've surfed. i've been able to live my life in ways that i hadn't been able to do in years and i didn't have to worry about the scars, i didn't have to worry about being tired, i didn't have to worry about the fear of simply closing my eyes and if they'd open the next morning. i've been able to take care of and hang out with my three brothers, koa, zekey and cobi, i've seen them grow up, from when koa was a baby when i was first diagnosed to when zekey and cobi came along later on when i was recovering, to their handsome selves now. when i was battling cancer, i couldn't do the things i can do now. i couldn't surf, i couldn't drink (i mean, that was because i was underage the majority of the time), i couldn't go into physical school and had to do it all online when i wasn't violently ill, i couldn't travel back and forth between the uk and ireland. i couldn't have an extravagant ninth or tenth for that matter, and i couldn't go to concerts with my westlife cousins. when i had cancer, i was constantly riddled with the fear and anxiety of not being able to live another day because of how tired, sore and exhausted i was. having to see but also hear your parents, most especially your dad, cry and not being able to help them other than offer a hand or a soft smile for comfort was agonising. the number of times i watched my dad cry as he sat in the same hospital chair over and over again just to make sure i was still breathing through the night is no longer countable since he had done it so many times. the number of times i had to watch my uncles and aunties cry as they also sat and watched to make sure i was still alive throughout the day is immeasurable. thankfully, i didn't have to see my brothers or cousins cry a lot, especially because kian was a baby at the beginning and zekey and cobi weren't around then. neither was gia. but, at the same token, it makes me feel sick to think about the times when zekey, cobi and gia were around that they did cry during my cancer battle and i wasn't there to tell them that everything was going to be okay. but now, whenever they do cry or they are upset, i can be there for them straight away. and it was all because i stayed alive and i didn't let myself have my family go through the agony of having to live without me. because i couldn't do that to them, no way.
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kianegan i love you, more than words can describe willow! you strong, brave girl! 
willowegan kianegan i love you most daddy! and i'm only strong because of you and mum
shanefilanofficial crying my eyes out reading this! 
willowegan shanefilanofficial i cried writing this, believe it or not! 
nickybyrneinsta hearing your dad announce on stage that you're finally cancer-free after completing complete remission is the best news to hear! 
willowegan nickybyrneinsta i genuinely had no idea that he hadn't told you guys yet! so seeing how you three all reacted made me cry! 
gillianfilansligo i'm still screaming over the news that you're finally cancer-free! 
willowegan gillianfilansligo so am i aunty gillian! it's the best feeling ever! 
stormykeating i am so beyond relieved that you are cancer-free, sweet willow! i remember when i first met you when you were just a little baby and now you're a glowing eighteen-year-old 
willowegan stormykeating aw, thank you stormy! i am relieved too and thank you again! 
nicolefilan i'm literally bawling my eyes out! i'm so glad you're cancer-free willow! 
willowegan nicolefilan so am i! i cannot believe it sometimes! 
- - - 
this was so much fun to write and i am so glad i got to give it a happy ending when the original was so depressing and yes, i know i fucked up the timeline when i originally wrote it on wattpad but, i don't care cause what if this is the one i'm calling canon and the original is the alternate ending? nah jokes, i didn't realise i fucked up the timeline until about halfway through and decided to stick with the changed timeline until i fixed it over here on tumblr! 
ok ily bye xx
wc; 5280
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lemonjoonah · 4 years
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Level of Restraint (M)
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Pairings: Jimin x Reader, Namjoon x Reader, Taehyung x Reader Word Count: 13K  Rating: M  Genre: Thriller, smut, office AU, BDSM AU  Warnings(contains spoilers): This story contains very dark themes and may not be suited to all readers, protected sex (vag+anal), threesome, double penetration, bondage (including partial suspension), dom/sub roles (reader is a sub), praise kink, mild degration, sensory deprivation, spanking, fingering, cum feeding, mild breathplay, sex toys, exhibitionism, voyeurism, discussion of safe word, Namjoon is a professional dom/sex worker, referenced discrimination of sex workers and those who participate in BDSM, public outing of sexual practices, inappropriate workplace relationships, referenced death of minor character, yandere character, misidentified sexual partner, manipulation, bribery, blackmail, implied stalking, violence.
Summary: As a co-founder of a consulting firm you can’t afford to be caught in a scandal. So flirting with your secretary, Jimin, would be out of the question. Giving your client’s son, Taehyung, a reference for a sexual partner would be reprehensible. And having regular paid BDSM sessions with your dominant, Namjoon? That would be a career ending disgrace. It’s too bad the only restraints in life you approve of are the cuffs that bind you to the bed, because there are those hiding in the dark waiting to take advantage. 
A/N: A huge thank you to everyone who supported me while writing this story. It was hard not to question the level of darkness this tale descends to. In the end your assurances and aid are the only reason this fic made it to fruition. Upon reading you might notice several thematic references to the ‘Fall of the House of Usher,’ by Edgar Allan Poe  and the Greek myth of Tantalus. They are two of my favourite tales, and together they greatly represent the darkened desires depicted in this oneshot.
...
8:55 am KNJ: Good girl.
Your heart races upon receiving the response you’ve been waiting for all morning. The sender had requested proof that you were wearing his last minute gift, and you were happy to oblige with the lewd photo. Finally seeing his simple praise for your efforts makes you grin from ear to ear, as you enter the front door to your workplace’s building. The message will be enough to get you through the day, high on the thought of his praise while his present is wrapped tightly around your ribs. Though the garment may be confining, you’ll endure anything to receive those two simple words.
Reluctantly glancing up from your phone you look ahead to see the elevator closing.
“Hold the door!” You call out, making a run for it. Mercifully the gap between the doors widens allowing you to climb in before it begins the long haul up. Glancing over to your savoir, you find your secretary standing at the panel. “Thanks Jimin.”
“No problem,” he responds with a warm smile. “What floor do you need?” Joking as he pushes the button labelled 14. 
You playfully shove his arm while trying to catch your breath. Had he left you down on the first floor there's no telling how long it would be before the elevator returned. The building in which you work has been down to one lift for a couple days, with no promise of when the other will be fixed. It’s not a surprise really, ever since you moved into this complex three years ago you’ve been plagued with breakdowns and shotty utilities. Considering how opulent  the tower is, with it’s gilded elevators and halls adorned in finery you expected better, but people often overlook flaws when they have something pleasant to stare at. Allowing the management to slack on some of the failings of the structure. 
“Do you think you could send maintenance another message?” You ask your hand clutching your waist to comfort the stitch in your side, no doubt a result of the corset concealed beneath your clothes. 
“Consider it done.” Jimin replies, pulling out his phone. “Are you okay Miss?” He asks, your heavy breathing failing to go unnoticed judging from the concern in his voice.
“Fine.” You quickly change the subject, not wanting to linger on your current state. “What’s on my schedule for today?”
“You have a consultation with Mr. Kim of HOC Industries in an hour-” 
“Really?” You cut in, confused about the sudden change. “But I just saw him a few weeks ago. Why is he coming in?”
“He didn’t say, I just got a message last night from him stating he required an appointment immediately.”
“That’s not a good sign...” You groan, wondering what information had dropped to spur a need for such an urgent response. 
“Afterwards you have an early lunch with journalist Min. Followed by a one o’clock appointment with Jeon Jungkook to go over the new web layout. And the rest of office hours are slated as admin.” 
You cringe over the prospect of bookkeeping. Your accountant’s involvement in a recent accident, placed him on an extended leave of absence. Since you are the only other member of your small staff qualified to balance the books, this leaves you burdened with his duties. “Remind me later to make a posting for a temp position.”
“Noted,” Jimin remarks as he continues to scroll through his phone. “Oh and don’t forget, you also have your monthly massage appointment with Kim Namjoon tonight.”
You smile at the thought, you would never forget a booking with him, especially since he’s the reason for your current state of breathlessness. You’ve been counting down the days until you get to see him, with only a few hours left you can barely contain yourself. To everyone who asks he’s a masseur, but the services he provides are far more aggressively intimate than a standard massage. You force a small cough to cover the involuntary moan starting to escape. 
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.” It’s not a complete lie, with the stress from work there have been a lot of restless nights recently, your appointment tonight should help to relieve a bit of that tension. There’s a loud groan as the elevator comes to a stop at your floor. You look up to the top of the lift and over to Jimin with worry, both of you stepping off with haste once the doors open.
Your entire office space consists of only a few rooms. You and Hoseok had started this company only a few years ago, focusing on corporate consultations regarding public image and approval. All things considered you’re doing rather well. With your negotiation tactics, Hoseok's philanthropy efforts, and Yoongi on retainer as your media source, you’ve been able to take on several giant corporations.    
As you walk down the hall you find the temperature starting to rise, and upon stepping into your’s and Jimin’s shared office, you’re hit with a wave of heat. You whisper your curses as you check the thermostat which has been jacked to its highest setting and refuses to shift back down. 
Giving up on the system you turn to the windows, but even those are a struggle after being neglected for so long. You call out to Jimin for assistance, waiting no more than a second before he is by your side. But even with his help you only manage to open them to the grand extent of a sliver before you’re forced to give in. At least with your office door open there’s now a small draft pervading the space.
“I guess I’ll send maintenance another message,” Jimin chuckles.
“You don’t think he’s trying to push us out do you?” You inquire about the building owner, and one of your own clients. You don’t usually make such bold claims, but with Jimin’s ties to the dubious man, it’s hard not to ask.
“I wouldn’t put it past him. Though I think this is more likely due to his lack of regard for the workmanship going into his properties.”
You nod overlooking the now stuffy room which holds both your desks. It serves its purpose with a sufficient amount of daylight from the large windows, and a partial wall giving you each a bit of privacy. You’d rather not have to leave this building and the status that comes with it, but there seems to be no end with these faulty appliances. “So much for being the height of sophistication.”
While you settle into your workspace you’re already dying from the heat, a sweater and camisole overtop your corset was not the best choice for today, but you didn’t want to risk anyone noticing the garment beneath. As you shuffling through your newsite tabs Jimin readies the coffee maker, returning to you with the first dose of your daily caffeine needs. 
“You’re a saint.”
Jimin smiles brightly at your compliment, living for the praise as always. “Do you want some ice on the side?” He laughs as you tug on your sweater to stop it from sticking to your skin.
“Only if I can rub it all over.” You sigh jokingly as you take a sip of the hot beverage.
“I’d be happy to assist.” His smirk and piercing gaze look to be downright serious, his flirtation hitting a new high today.    
“Sorry Jimin, I already have a massage appointment later. I think Namjoon would be very upset if you took his job from him.”
“That’s too bad.” He mutters, his lip still curled into a smile before stepping away from your desk. “Let me know if you change your mind. I’d be more than willing to compensate him for his loss.” Jimin has never been shy about his attraction to you, a desire which you most certainly reciprocate, but your own company policies keep the both of you tied to flirtatious word play. With Jimin winning more often than not when it comes to provocative sentiments.
He hangs around on your side of the room, straightening the chairs and stray flies, while you continue your search for whatever prompted the need for your haste meeting. At last you find it, on the featured articles of a prominent celeb news site, with the headline reading, ‘The Dark Desires of the Kim Family Heir.’
Much to your chagrin the issue isn’t regarding your client, but his son. As much as you try to stay out of personal family matters, sometimes they are unavoidable, and this looks to be one of those cases.
‘Kim Taehyung has long been considered one of the most eligible bachelors. He has it all, money, power, and a spot on every top ten most attractive list, but those who have been with him more intimately say he craves something more...’ 
Your mouth falls open in horror as one of Taehyung's former partners exposes their most intimate moments with him. ‘The Gucci suits and custom cologne are just an expensive mask for the darkness beneath. He would ask to be tied, bound to the bed and struck. He wanted pain and pleasure...’ The further you read the more your chest tightens. You’d rather not jump to conclusions, but you wouldn’t be surprised if it’s true. A fact which must make it all the more painful for Taehyung. You can only imagine what he must be going through, to have such private details exposed and exploited. He’s currently living your worst nightmare, a societal judgement over one's deepest desires. For professional reasons it would probably be best to stay out of this private matter, but you can’t in good consciousness let him suffer alone.
“That bad?” Jimin asks.
“Yeah...” You cover your mouth to hide your shuddering breath, blinking away the tears that threaten to spill on Taehyung's behalf.
Jimin shuffles in behind your desk with you. By lowering himself to read off your screen, his face falls next to yours. His hands come to rest on your shoulders as he leans in to eye the article in question. You should shoo him away, but you can’t help but be curious of his response to those who engage in such practices. As his eyes scan the page his grip on you tightens, his breathing erratic just like yours, with a whispered “‘Fuck,” escaping his lips. 
“Are we interrupting something?” A voice calls out from your open door. 
Your head snaps over in shock to find your next appointment waiting for you, with his son in tow. You jump up pushing Jimin back so you can greet your guests properly. “Mr. Kim! No not at all,  please come in. This must be-”
“Taehyung...” The younger man mutters as he walks in, slumping down in one of the chairs in front of your desk. His sunglasses are still in place, the smell of spirits wafts over you along with the spicy scent of what must be his referenced cologne. He’s a sight to behold, a person of his caliber could make a fortune off his looks alone; he wouldn’t even need a drop of his father's fortune. But of course, that would have been before this public outing of his bedroom tendencies. Now he’s more likely to be seen as a pariah rather than an asset.
Directing the elder to the seat next to him, you take your own once again as Jimin retreats to his desk. You don’t even have the chance to exchange pleasantries before Mr. Kim launches into the purpose of their visit. “I assume you saw the article about my son?”
“I did, but-”
“And? What can we do about it? How can we spin it? Our stocks have already taken a hit.”
“Your son just had a serious breach in personal privacy...” You pause hoping that he’ll have some semblance of a realization that he is not the victim here, instead he simply waits for you to continue. Attempt to hold in your dismay, you give him the only answer you can, “Sue for defamation if you’d like, but whether they are printing fact or fiction the damage is done. The press is still focusing on your family due to your early misdealings in your company. I would argue that if you turn the view of operations around then there is a very good chance that the media will start to back off personal affairs.”
“You can’t expect me to twiddle my thumbs and wait. My shareholders are currently questioning his ability to lead, they might seek to replace him.”
“Good.” Taehyung mutters. “If those prudes have a problem with me, I’d rather not have to work with them.”
You bite your lip to conceal a snort of laughter.  Mr. Kim fails to notice but his son seems to have caught your slip, taking off his glasses, he pierces you with a strong gaze.
Kim senior starts up again looking for sympathy and a way out, “Do you know how many of his flings I’ve had to pay off in the past-”
“Maybe you should just stick to your own business.” Taehyung eyes his father darkly.
“They made it my business when they started squealing to the press about what kind of man you are.”
You try to rein the situation in, this battle between father and son having no place in your office. “Mr. Kim! I would actually like to speak to your son for a moment. We can see if there’s a possible remedy for this... exposure.” You stand up, calling over the wall for your secretary "Jimin? Would you mind taking Mr. Kim to see Hoseok?” You turn back to your elder client, practically pushing him out the door into your secretaries’s care. “Jung Hoseok has been continuing his work on your company's philanthropic efforts. I’m sure he would love to show you what he has done with your portfolio.”
“Do you need me to come right back Miss?” Jimin asks with a pleading stare, his eyes flicker over to the young man still slumped in his seat.
“No I think we’ll be okay for a bit.” You mutter to him quietly as Mr. Kim proceeds down the hall. “Just keep him away for a few minutes.”
Once they're both gone you sit back down across from Taehyung with a sigh.
“So are your going to talk some sense into me?” He drawls with disdain.
“Fuck no,” you scoff, rummaging through your drawer. “Can I get you anything coffee, water... advil?”  You finally pull out the bottle of pain relievers and offer one to him as you take one yourself, your head ready to explode in frustration over his father. 
He tilts his head looking somewhat surprised, “So why did you send him away then?”
“I thought you could use a break. I’ve worked with many people like your father, they all want things done their way, and you’ll never be able to tell them otherwise. He’ll never admit to his faults, and the fact that he’s the real reason the media is all over you. So as long as you don’t tattle on me, we both can make it through this meeting with him thinking that he’s won.”
“Deal,” Taehyung agrees while he chuckles at your ploy. 
“Are you sure you don’t want anything?” You offer once again.
“Actually I’ll take some advil.”
“I thought you might.” You poor him glass from the cooler and offer up the pill. When his sleeve pulls back to reach for the cup you can’t help but notice the glaring red evidence of a rope abrasion on his wrist. While he throws back the pain killer, you take another sip of your coffee rolling the bitterness over your tongue before breaching the difficult subject. “It can’t be easy to have the press prying into every aspect of your private life.”
“It’s not so much that they pry, but...” Taehyung hesitates, his brow furrows as his fingers run through his hair tugging on the strands between his fingers.  “People know that they can go to them with a story and make money off any relations I have with them. And the press will gladly pay top dollar for what they have to offer.”
“The story is not a complete fabrication then?” You already know it’s not judging from his father's response and the marks on his arm, you just need to hear him say it. 
“No, it’s mostly true.” He admits, watching your reaction.
“Then it would seem that your desires might be thought unconventional by many of your past partners?”
Taehyung nods, taking another sip of his water. 
“From one unconventional individual to another,” you pause waiting for your own admission to sink in. To your delight Taehyung immediately perks up listening attentively as you continue. “There are more discreet ways to fill those needs.”
“Are you offering?” He asks, raising a brown along with the corner of his lips.
“No, I doubt that I would be very good at meeting your cravings, since we both hunger the same type of... attention.” You smile back at him, rejoicing in your mutual secret. “But I do have a friend who will take very good care of you. I’m going to give you a name and phone number, it’s up to you if you want to contact them, but I can assure you any conversations or actions between you and them will be kept strictly confidential. It’s not cheap,” you explain, but doubt that’ll be a problem for him. “But I assure you it’s safe and private.”
Taehyung can barely get the information from you fast enough once you jot it down. His hands, reaching for the sheet, accidentally knock over your coffee instead, sending the drink in your direction and staining your sweater. “I’m so sorry, here let me help you.” Taehyung jumps up and runs and grabs napkins from the coffee station. 
“It’s fine really.” You assure him, making an attempt to stop him as he starts to blot the saturated material. 
Unfortunately it’s at this moment that Jimin walks in to see your precarious state. He stands there for a moment in silence before explaining the reason for his return. “Mr. Kim said he needs to leave soon, Miss. He wanted to see if you two were... finished.” There’s glare set in his eyes for Taehyung's forwardness.
“Yeah, be right there, just one second.” You turn back to Taehyung, exchanging the damp napkin in his hand for the paper you had just written on. “Think about it, I hope you’ll give him a call. I don’t give out his information unless I think it will be of help to someone.”
“Kim Namjoon,” Taehyung mutters quietly while reading the slip. “If I were to go see him, would I find you there too?” He looks back up at you, biting his lip after posing his query.
“Likely not, he keeps his sessions very private, but you can always discuss your...” You glance over to Jimin who is still waiting, and well within earshot. “Preferences with him.”
“Then I’ll consider it, thank you.”
After seeing Mr. Kim and his son off, you're left to deal with the stain on your sweater, with only fifteen minutes before you have to leave for your lunch appointment. “Jimin could you call Yoongi and let him know I’m running a little late? I need to stop by my apartment on the way.”
“No need, I’ve got an extra shirt here.” He pulls out one of his own from his desk. “ I know it’s a men’s fit, but I think we can make it work.” 
“Why do you keep that here?” You laugh. He only looks at you and the stain with a raised brow, no words needed to prove his point. “Never mind, stupid question, but I can’t take your shirt Jimin.”
“I insist, go put it on.” He forces it into your hands as you double check your watch, your time constraints leaving you with little choice. 
Stepping behind the dividing wall, you strip down to your camisole, breathing a sigh of relief that the beverage hadn’t seeped into the fabric of the corset. Quickly throwing his button up over top and tucking it in, you check to ensure your intimate garment is still hidden relatively beneath the shirt before coming back out for his opinion “Does it look okay?”
Jimin nods, but when he reaches out to touch the shirt you recoil, fearing that he will discover what you wear beneath. He chuckles and persists, “I’m just fixing your collar.” He moves in closer standing just a couple inches away. Pinching the two seams of the fabric together, he considers the change. “I think it would look better like this.” You nod, keeping silent as he follows through. Pulling the fabric tight around your throat, your breathing is forced to pause for a moment as he fastens the top button. “Better?” He asks, while his hands linger around your neck.
“Much.” You whisper, as his fingers drift up to hold your chin, with the tip of his thumb dragging along the edge of your bottom lip. You stand there confused as to why your flirtatious game has taken such a physical turn. Although his actions are prohibited and should be censured, you can’t fully condemn them, deciding instead to remove yourself, rather than reprimand him. “I-I should go. I don’t want to be late meeting Yoongi.”  
...
It was a productive lunch to say the least, but that was by no means thanks to you. Your focus was distinctly elsewhere. While you toyed with your bottom lip, thinking of how Jimin had touched it just moments before, Yoongi gave you everything you needed to secure several new clients. Even now as you return, disembarking the elevator on to your floor, you still can’t concentrate on the day ahead.
On the walk back to your office Hoseok catches you, quickly pulling you into his own and closing the door behind. “You need to do something about Jimin.” 
“Wh-what do you mean?” You ask, nervous that he had seen you two together before you left for your meeting.
“Your client earlier, Mr. Kim, he said that he caught you two acting rather close, making suggestions that you two are involved in a sexual relationship. Usually I would disregard a comment like his but-” 
“It’s not true, you know I wouldn’t!” As much as you might want to act on Jimin’s advances you’ve never crossed that line. You know it must have been bad for Hoseok to bring it up, for him to take this serious tone is evidence of his deep concern. 
“I know that, but this isn’t the first time someone has thought you two might be a little too intimate. Some of the staff have also considered the notion. And I can see why, the way he looks at you, talks to you...” Hoseok trails off as his eyes linger on your apparel in confusion. “You weren’t wearing that earlier were you?” 
“No, I had some coffee spill on me earlier. Jimin was nice enough to loan me his.”
Hoseok tilts his head as he raises his brow as if this validates his concerns.
“He was just being helpful!” You offer, but Hoseok doesn’t look to be swayed, and he’s right, this is a workplace not a morning after situation. “Fine, I see your point. So what do you suggest?”
“Redistribute him, send him my way if you have to, god knows that I could use the extra hand. You could even play it off as a promotion, just get him out of your office.” Your heart drops at the thought, not wanting to give him up. Hoseok seeing this takes a softer tone. “Listen I can see that you like him too. I’m sure it feels good to have his attention, but you need to get this out of your system. You have to put a stop to it. We can’t afford a scandal and you know it.” 
With the assurance that you’ll think on the issue, and giving Hoseok your solution by tomorrow, you return to your office. But the problem is far from easy, though you did not lie about your physical relationship to Hoseok, you have been keeping something from him. From all of them. Jimin will never accept a promotion if it takes him away from you. He’s never worked here for the money, he doesn’t need to when his father owns half of the city, this building included. 
...
-3 years ago-
“Mr. Lee, thank you so much for agreeing to meet with me.” You pull out the chair to sit across from him. The massive mahogany desk of his placing a rather large distance between the two of you. 
“Yes well, my building manager said you were very persistent.” There’s a small roll in his eyes as he looks from you down to the computer in front of him. 
“I wanted to discuss one of your properties, an office space in the Madeline Suites.”
He takes a swift glance at your modest appearance with narrowing eyes. “Forgive me, but I believe that location might be out of your price range.” 
“Monetarily yes,” You agree. “But we offer services which might be helpful to you.”
“I do not deal in favours. I can see that this meeting was a waste of time, you may go.” He waves the back of his hand to shoo you out, while his secretary grabs the door from the outside.
“I am not asking for a favour, but offering you my services. I’m the co-founder of a corporate image consulting firm. And come this time tomorrow, I believe you’ll be looking for someone within our realm of dealings.”
“And what makes you say that?” Lee asks, his words laced with cynicism. 
You lay out the first page of the article which Yoongi had sent you, stretching it across the wooden surface to place it in Mr. Lee’s view. ‘Real Estate Developer Lee Gungsang Faced Prior Allegations of Unlawful Evictions and Price Hiking.’ “This is slated for tomorrow morning’s front page.” 
Mr. Lee is quick to send his secretary off, the door shutting once again. “How do you know about this? These cases were settled before they made it anywhere near the courts.”
“I have my sources.” 
“Then stop this! I will pay whomever needs to be paid to prevent this from leaching out. You want the office space, it's yours.” He’s voice is desperate, you have him on the hook, the question now is, how long will he let you drag him for?
“That’s very generous of you, but nothing will stop this from going out tomorrow. My offer is simply to help you get ahead of it and lessen the damage.” You explain, revelling in the fact that money can’t hide everything.
“And how do you propose to do that?”
You pull out a contract for your serves. “I will need you to sign off on my services first. A small fee plus a far more reasonable price for a three year lease of the offices on the 14th floor of the Madeline Suites”
“Without knowing your plan, I think not.”
You give him a bright smile before mimicking his earlier statement. “I do not deal in favours Mr. Lee.”
He grumbles while taking the pen, eyeing you with a dark gaze as he signs on the dotted line.
With the ink still drying you hand over another small document. “Here are a few of my suggestions. Twenty percent of the commercial residences that you have just vacated will be handed over to non-profits for a drastically reduced monthly lease. I’ll even let you pick which you want to support.” 
He looks up at you mortified. “This is excessive.”
“No this is necessary. I’ve seen corporations do far more than this when they are not dealing with a scandal. Your accountants will agree with me that this is the best move, it can be seen as a donation and therefore tax deductible. For the evicted  private residences, I was thinking of partnering with a refugee resettlement program but we can discuss that more in depth later.” 
You carefully tuck away your contract in Lee’s file before dragging another concern to the forefront. “I do have one more request, before I leave today.”
“What more could you possibly want?” He scoffs.
You lean in to deliver your short but important demand. “A heads up.”
“I don’t know what you mean...”
“I mean if there are any other past dealings or actions which might impact your company I need to be aware of them.” There’s always more hidden in the dark, you have one of those secrets on hand now. You need to see if he’s willing to be upfront with you on every dealing of his past, otherwise you might be forced to dig him out from another grave a couple weeks from now. 
“There’s nothing else.” 
“Nothing?” You ask again as you pull out your phone ready to bring forward more evidence. 
“No.”
“So the knowledge of you having and hiding an illegitimate son... you don’t think that’s important? The existence of the only child of the Lee empire, isn’t newsworthy?”
“How did you-” The terror in his face looks to be even greater than the prior accusation. 
“You attempted to evict all of the residents who stayed in your residential apartment for over 10 years if they refused to agree with a massive lease hike. Park Jimin was the only one who wasn’t touched. He has no record of a job, living off what must be money given to him by his parents, so I looked into them. His father wasn’t listed but his late mother, Park Haesoon, used to work for your company, and 22 years ago she signed a NDA issued by your lawyer.” 
You open to Jimin’s public instagram page turning it around for his father to see. “He may take mostly after his mother, but I can still see a few clues to your family resemblance.”
“When does this one drop?” Lee asks in dismay.
“It’s not going to, at least, not from me or my source. We try not to deal in personal life consulting, but I am going to give you some advice in this matter. Get ahead of it.”
“My wife won’t hear of it.” Mr. Lee mutters through clenched teeth, it’s easy to see that this conversation has him very much on edge.
You nod seeing the crux of his dilemma. “I looked into the approximate date of his conception, you were newly married at the time, were you not?”
“Yes. She knows, but her family does not, they have a large political presence and we cannot afford to lose all support from them. Trust me, the boy is not worth the risk.”
“He’s your child!” You berate the CEO, your anger getting the better of you as you think of the emotional toll on Jimin. Not only did he lose his mother but his father won't even publicly acknowledge him. 
“I won’t be swayed on this matter. If you have nothing else to say you may leave.” Mr. Lee rises from his desk and once again gestures towards the door. “I’ll have keys to your new office space delivered to you tomorrow along with the lease. But I should warn you, if there is even a whisper of his name in public in conjunction with mine, I can assure you, your so-called firm won’t last another week.”
...
Less than a month later you and Hoseok have moved your entire enterprise to the new office space. You’re holding an open house for several different staff positions, when the most unlikely of applicants walks in your door, Park Jimin. 
He hands you a piece of paper which you can only guess is his resume, because your eyes fail to leave his face, your mouth unable to form words in your state of shock. Closing the door behind him, he gives you a nervous smile. “Judging from your expression, I take it you know who I am?”
You manage a single nod, still confused as to why he’s here, now, with you. It’s lucky you’re conducting the interviews alone, otherwise it would be difficult to explain your shock to Hoseok without exposing Jimin’s lineage. 
“I’ve been wanting to meet with you,” Jimin confesses, adding sheepishly, “My father told me of your meeting. He said you took a bit of an interest in me, even found my social media accounts.” 
“Oh, oh no.” You finally manage to sputter out, far more anxious with the younger man than his father. You never intended to meet Jimin, let alone have him find out you dug into some very personal aspects of his past and present. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t intend to invade your privacy. I was only trying to figure out what was going on. And when I learned the truth, I wanted him to own up to his mistake of hiding you.”
Jimin chuckles lightly, sitting down in front of you, “I didn’t come here looking for an apology Miss, I know why you did it. I merely wanted to meet one of the few people to ever successfully scare the shit out of my father.” 
The wide beaming smile accompanying his statement spurs a laugh from you, while also allowing you to relax in his presence. “Sometimes you have to intimidate these people to get them to do the right thing. But I’m sorry I wasn’t able to convince him to go public regarding everything.”
“That’s not your fault. In the end it was just nice to hear that there's someone who thinks I deserve better.” Jimin adds, with a look of sorrow leaching into his smile.
“Of course you do, but I must ask, why come here now?” You take a moment to confirm that it is in fact his resume that he’s handed you. ”I can’t imagine that you need a job.” He’s appearance alone is enough to tell you he’s buried in wealth, though his father has not given him the family name, it looks as if Jimin has gained some of the assets.  
“Actually that’s exactly what I was looking for.”
“Your father didn’t pressure you to come here to keep an eye on me did he?” You ask with scepticism. Keeping watch over possible threats wouldn’t be a completely off brand for those of his status. And with you knowing some of his deepest secrets you could likely be considered one of the biggest risks.
“No.” Jimin chuckles, briefly raising his hands in surrender. “I promise I’m here of my own volition. Money isn’t my biggest concern, I’ve been hoping to build connections. I want to use my time wisely and work with someone who is worthy of my focus, and that just so happens to be you.” He finishes with a suggestive smirk, making you wonder if you’ve won his affection too. 
“And what does your focus get me?” You ask, trying to weigh the benefits versus the risk. You doubt that Mr. Lee will respond kindly to you hiring his son, but if he continues to deny his son’s  existence then what right does he have to disagree? 
“Anything you require. I was interested in the posting for your secretary, but any position beneath you would suit me nicely.” 
...
There’s no way you’ll be able to convince Jimin to willingly change roles and work for Hoseok instead. But you can’t deny that your co-founder’s points are valid. 
Jimin greets you warmly as you enter your office. “Did you have a nice lunch?” 
“Yeah, it was good.” You respond, forcing out a smile.
“Really? Because you look upset.” 
You curse Jimin’s ability to read you at a time like this. “I promise, lunch was fine. Yoongi gave me some substantial leads.” You sigh sliding back in your seat. With your values shaken and morals questioned by Hoseok, you are deeply in need of someone to brace yourself on. Wanting to step out of the realm of responsibility and control even if it’s just for a moment, you make a request to Jimin. “Would you go fetch Jungkook for our meeting?”
“I can just call him in.” He makes the case looking reluctant to leave your side.
“Please Jimin just go get him. I need a few minutes for a personal call.”
Jimin looks at you crestfallen before finally leaving. It’s not often you keep things from him, he can scope you out too well for that. But Kim Namjoon’s actual role in your life is the one secret you feel is the most imperative to hide from him.
You pull out your cell, not wanting to use his number on your work phone. After two rings he picks up. “Couldn’t wait a few more hours to hear my voice baby girl?”
You're too embarrassed to admit he’s right, settling on another excuse for your call. “N-no I just wanted to let you know that I’ve sent someone your way... sir.”
“Don’t lie to me I can hear the need in your voice.” He chuckles lightly as he taunts you. “Your reference already reached out to me. I’m excited to play with him, is he just as handsome as he sounds?”
“More so.”
Namjoon hums on the line in gratification. “My babygirl, giving me another pet to play with.” 
You blush from the praise. Taehyung makes the sixth person you’ve suggested following the charity ball you met Namjoon at a couple years ago. Where he, much like you, was secretly scoping out potential clients. Every one of those patrons you’ve given him since then has been his pet, but you, you’re his babygirl. 
“I was wondering...” Namjoon’s carries on, in a tone far more hesitant than usual. “Tonight would you be willing to try something a little unconventional? Would you like to share him?”
“W-would that be okay?” He’s never suggested adding another to your sessions before, but you can’t deny you’re intrigued by the prospect.
“He mentioned an interest in you, and after discussing his needs I feel that I require someone other than myself to pin his desires on. You’ll be the carrot while I’ll be the stick. Do you think you could do that for me?”  Namjoon proposes in a low purr dragging every heated thought and possibility to the forefront of your mind.  
“Yes sir.” Your response is instant, with little thought required. Helping Namjoon with Taehyung? You’d be a fool to turn down the opportunity. There’s a small knock on your office door with the return of Jimin and Jungkook trailing behind him. You start to panic while still on the phone with Namjoon. “I’ll see you later then?”
Namjoon can of course detect the change in your tone, but instead of letting you off the hook he pulls you further. “Did someone walk in on you babygirl? I take it they don’t know about this side of you?”
“No they don’t.”
“No sir.” He calls out your lack of decorum, an error which you know you’ll pay for later. “Such a shame they’re missing out. What do you think they would say if they knew of my plans for you tonight? How I intend to hang you like forbidden fruit above another man. Do you think they would approve?” 
Your eyes widen as Namjoon continues and Jungkook takes the seat in front of you with Jimin standing behind him. You clear your throat and hold up your finger to them, gesturing for another minute. Turning away to hide your face as you continue to try and end the call. But hanging up on one’s dom is never advisable, condemning you to listen for as long as he wishes to torment. 
“I bet you would like them watch, wouldn’t you?” Namjoon asks, egging on your sinful thoughts, transferring them from Taehyung over to your co-workers.
You shift your thighs trying to dispel the building need as you consider the notation of them watching. Imagining Jungkook’s wide eyes taking in the sight, likely with a hand on his cock, he’s an innocent man with strong desires. You’ve known others like him before, they act with naivete but when confronted with an opportunity for more, they don’t hesitate to gorge on what is presented to them.
And Jimin, would he accept your darker needs? You wish he would, desperately wanting him to play along, to help mould you into submission. Your head now filled with thoughts of kneeling before him taking him in your mouth while he christens you a good girl. If only you could be sure that he wouldn’t react like most people, like those who condemned Taehyung. Your eyes flutter back over to your secretary who is looking at you with deep suspicion. You desperately need to end the call or risk giving yourself away. “I should probably-”
“Am I embarrassing you baby girl?” Namjoon teases with an amused laugh. “Does that mean I’m right?”
“Yes...”
“Yes sir.” Namjoon reminds you once again. “I’ll release you for now, but I better see you here at seven o’clock sharp. Is that understood?”
You breathe a sigh of relief at the release.  “Yes sir.” After finally hanging up, you offer up an apology. “Sorry about that.”
“Who was it?” Jimin inquires with a soft tone, but  a quick lick to his lips shows his intentions to be far from innocent. His clenched fists and hovering nature further pointing towards jealousy.
“No one important.” You smile through the lie, careful in your attempt to comfort him. It’s pointless to keep acting in this way, but you still can’t bear the thought of disheartening his feelings or pushing him away. 
...
After your meeting with Jungkook, you're left with a stack of paperwork and your ever persistent lack of concentration as you try to figure out what can be done with Jimin. Should you just tell him the issue, would it help or would it make the situation worse? If he knows how he is perceived then will the affection stop, and if it does, will you struggle with that loss?
“Can I walk you to your car Miss?” Jimin asks with his jacket in hand. You check the time, reading just after five. So lost in thought you had accomplished almost nothing in the last few hours of the day.
“I think I might just stay here until I have to leave for my appointment, I still have a bit more work to do.” You explain rubbing your hands over your face as you pull yourself from your daze.
“Do you want me to stay too then?” 
“No, I couldn’t ask that of you. But before you go I’d like to discuss something” You gesture to the seat across from you which he takes with hesitation. You’re usually not so formal and he can clearly spot the difference. You open your mouth and pause trying to find the right words as his eyes shine in your direction. The evening sun pouring into the room bathing his skin in with golden light makes it so much harder to stick to the issue at hand. You eventually resort to staring at the irrelevant papers on your desk as you open with your concern. 
“I’m worried that our actions towards each other imply that our relationship is not strictly professional.” You blurt it out quickly, hating every word that crosses your lips.
“Have I been making you uncomfortable Miss?” Jimin’s expression falls along with his question, the heartbreak ringing out clear in his voice. 
“No, no. It’s just, I’m concerned about how others see our interactions.”
“Oh, so someone said something to you then?” 
“Hoseok mentioned that a few people think we appear to be a bit more than boss and secretary.” You know it cowardly to bring Hoseok into this, but the information is second hand. You can’t be sure what others have said exactly.
“Well you do know more about me than most.” Jimin laughs lightly. 
“That’s not what they are implying. They think we are engaged in a sexual relationship.”
“And...” He draws the word out as if the implication is nothing, implying there should be a better reason for your concerns. 
“We aren’t Jimin!”
“Well, there's only one way to fix that.” He stands up leaning towards you over your desk. “You can’t say you haven’t thought about it. We could keep it a secret if you’d like, no one has to know.”
You doubt Jimin could keep a relationship between the two of you hidden, with the way he dotes on you already, you’re one passionate night away from finding three dozen roses on your desk. “Someone would find out, and the fall out-”
“Fuck the fall out,” Jimin states with resolve, reaching out his fingers tucking back a strand of your hair before curling beneath your chin. “I’m tired of this charade. Hoseok only said something because he’s jealous. He’s jealous that you want me as much as I want you.”
“Jimin,” You whisper. “Even if that was the case, that still doesn’t make it right.” You pull back from his touch. “You should go. Think about what I said, because if we can’t maintain at least some level of restraint and professionalism... then you might be better off working for someone else in the office.”
“So you’d rather keep your social image than be happy with me?” Jimin accuses, the usual warmth having completely vanished from his face.
“It’s not like that. My standing is my life, it’s my career, any blemish would destroy everything I have.” You attempt to express the fear inside you, the weight that bears on you every day. You already have so many secrets and liabilities, but one as close and extensive as a relationship with him might finally crush you and everything you’ve built. “I like you, I really do, but I can’t take the risk. You have to understand, I’m not like you. I don’t have a secret trust fund to fall back on.”  
Jimin looks as though you’ve stabbed him, pulling away he heads to the exit. “I’m sorry I’m not worth the risk. You know, I thought you were better than that, but it would seem you’re just like everyone else.” 
The door slamming between you echoes through the office as you sag in your chair. Never in all your years have you ever sunk so low. By taking him on you wanted to ensure Jimin’s happiness, to show him his value despite the lack of acknowledgement  from his father, but now it seems you’ve fallen into the same role as those who have hurt him before.
  ...
You type your code into Namjoon’s door, stepping into his hall quickly and shutting the door behind you. It’s just before seven and usually you find him in his living room already waiting, but today it’s empty. Not wanting to disturb him, you take a seat on the couch and wait patiently for him to join you. 
You feel ready to fold in on yourself as you continue to dwell on your argument with Jimin. If you laid out boundaries earlier you likely wouldn’t be where you are now. Hating yourself over his confession, and your inability to accept it. 
There’s movement from the bedroom door as Namjoon’s partner Seokjin comes out to greet you. You look up in bewilderment as he takes your hand, pulling you off the couch. “Namjoon has already started with the other client, so he sent me to fetch you.” 
You nod understanding Namjoon’s divergence from the norm, it wouldn’t be safe practice for him to leave Taehyung alone in a precarious position. Now looking to the door with curiosity, you’re excited by what lustful visions will greet you on the other side. But when Seokjin presents something to you it’s clear that you won’t get to see those sights.
“You’ve been asked to wear this.” He holds out a wide silken strip, one that Namjoon has used as a blindfold in the past. You allow Seokjin to cover your eyes, with a touch far more gentle than you know Namjoon’s to be. You don’t want kindness, craving instead to be broken in by the man in the other room, especially after the damage you’ve done today. The loss of your vision will have to be punishment enough for the time being. 
“Does he want me to undress too?” You ask, touching the silk over your eyes, you're completely blind and already longing for the next step. 
“No he wishes to save that pleasure for himself.”
You smirk thinking he might, you’ve been wearing his gift all day it’s only right that he gets to see it first.  
There’s a knock and a click of the door before Seokjin takes you in hand again, leading you in. The air is warmer and heavier than that of the living room, making it impossible to draw a fresh breath. 
Seokjin pushes down on your shoulder, a wordless order to kneel. The plush carpet meeting your knees as you lower yourself, if only you could reach out to get a better sense of what’s in front of you, but form dictates that you keep your hands on your lap. 
The bedroom door closes, signalling Seokjin's departure. Sending one last wave of clean air before you're smothered once again. Locked away for the night with your master and his new pet. There’s a small creek from the mattress and the familiar rattle of restraints against the bedpost. You can just barely make out the tone of Namjoon’s low whisper as he speaks to the current tenant of the bed. 
Footsteps land to your left, muffled by the wall to wall but still sending vibrations through the floor.  As Namjoon approaches, your heart pounds wondering what his first move against you will be. He takes his sweet time letting the anticipation build as your chest continues to heave in its attempts to take in the thick air. You keep your posture, maintaining your stance with the knowledge that he will inspect you. Head lowered, hands on thighs, perched on your toes as your knees dig into the ground. Your legs soon start to tremble as your feet strain to bear the weight.
Namjoon settles right in front of you, the slow draw of his breath reaches your ears, while the heat of his exhale hits your face. A hand trails up the outside of your thigh stilling the tremor in your legs with a forceful grip. You freeze wondering if your jitters will cost you, you can’t let him find fault not if you want him to reward you with his presence. 
But as he takes your chin tightly between his index and his thumb, you know you're in the clear. He tilts your head up as you breathe a sigh of relief. “Such a good girl, setting the perfect example.” His fingers slide down petting the column of your throat with a firm touch. “I was so happy to receive your picture this morning, did you wear the gift all day as ordered?”
“Yes sir.” You pant back, eager for him to see for himself. 
“It wasn’t too hard for you then, to go so long in such a confined state?”
“No sir.”
“Good girl,” He purrs in your ear as he starts unfastening your shirt. He hesitates on the buttons for a moment. “Babygirl, would you care to tell me why you're wearing a men’s shirt?”
You swallow not wanting to admit that it’s the fault of the man currently lying in his bed. You plan to take the fall, wanting Namjoon’s undivided attention even if it’s in the form of a punishment. “I spilled something on mine sir.”  
“So clumsy.” He has the shirt completely off now revealing the corset for him and likely Taehyung to see. Namjoon helps you to stand, unzipping your skirt he pushes it to the floor. You feel so helpless without your sight but Namjoon doesn’t seem to mind assisting. He uses the soft fabric of the shirt to dab at the sweat beading on your skin. “Who, may I ask, clothed you in theirs? Such an expensive label, he must think highly of you.”
You shift in place, made uncomfortable by your inability to answer. Knowing if you say his name thoughts of him will be summoned to your mind. You don’t deserve to think of him at such a time, not after you led him on and left him dry.
“You don’t wish to tell me?” The feel of Namjoon’s breath leaves you, the sounds of his feet  indicating he’s moved to the right of you. Heading to a space you know to be occupied by a table and closet full of his tools. There’s a scrap of metal and what sounds like the jingle of buckles. 
“No sir.”
“And why is that?” Fingers trail up your arm as Namjoon signals his return to your side. 
“Because I’m not allowed to have him sir.”
“A noble response.” Namjoon reasons while he wraps the leather strap of a familiar collar around your neck. “But I still plan to get that name from you before we’re done.” He buckles it swiftly checking the tightness with two fingers. You thought him finished but he progresses to cuff your wrists in leather too, tethering them together in front of you. 
He leans in again with a hushed request, “Still know your safe word?” You nod repeating is back to him before he leads you on towards the bed. 
Namjoon stands behind you as he presents you to his new pet. When you gave Taehyung Namjoon’s number you hadn’t been expecting this but you can’t deny enjoying the prospect. But you find the silence and lack of reaction from him unnerving. “I asked him not to make a sound,” Namjoon explains, “And he’s abiding by my rules so well it’s he?” 
Namjoon takes your hands helping you to feel the current state in which Taehyung is interned. A Leather cuff just like yours binds one of his wrists with a short chain leading to bedpost. You imagine that his other limbs are restricted to the other corners of the bed, for Namjoon has bound you in the same state before. 
“Can he see?” You ask Namjoon wondering if he has been left blind too, or if he’s eyes are watching you now.
“Can he see you? He can babygirl, in fact, he hasn’t looked away once, and why would he?” Namjoon sits you down on the large bed to join Taehyung before pulling down the matching underwear to your corset. “They’re so wet, have you been soaking these all day?” 
You nod in response. A delighted Namjoon makes an offer to Taehyung. “Would you like a taste pet? A reward for being so good.” Namjoon revels in his situation with a chuckle, the man beneath you must have nodded. “Then open up.” You know what a taste means for Namjoon, those panties of yours are most certainly shoved into Taehyung's mouth. He lets out a groan of satisfaction at the welcome intrusion.
Namjoon’s hands find your waist dragging you up further on to the bed with your knees now resting on the mattress. “You’re going to straddle him for me babygirl.” He shifts you over pulling up one of your legs to settle them on either side of the man beneath you. Your knees bent with your calves coming to rest against his bare hips. Without his billowy clothes he is far more slight than you expected, but his skin feels firm and toned. 
You slowly move to lower yourself knowing what you will come down on top of as you sit, but Namjoon seems to have other plans in mind. He takes your bound wrist, lifting them above your head and latching the cuffs to a chain in the rafters of the canopy bed. Once fixed in place he tests your limitations, a quick tug to show you even with your arms fully extended you are only able to lower yourself to half a kneel. You groan in frustration with the realization you can’t move any closer to the cock that rests below you. It’s just as he promised, hung like forbidden fruit above another man. Your dominant’s flare for the poetic never failing to surprise you.
“Problem babygirl?” Namjoon cooes in your ear. “Do you have something you want to say?”
“No sir.”
“Good, because if I recall you still need to be punished for your lack of formality on the phone earlier today.” 
Your stomach drops as you realize he’s going to discipline you right now, in full view of Taehyung. The heat rises to your face at the thought of being demeaned in front of another. Namjoon’s hand cups your bare ass, readying it for the assault. “You failed to call me sir twice, three for each lapse should do it.”
While the first strike eases you in, those that follow are not so gentle. The ring of his index biting your flesh with each impact. The third strike is so strong you pivot forward on your knees, your back arching as you bare forward still confined to the corset and chains. The weight of your body pulls painfully on your shoulders for a brief second, but Namjoon is there to catch you. Stopping you before you can slip and more, and propping you back in place before continuing. 
One hand lays firmly on your stomach to prevent the shift from happening again, while the other rubs the curve of your ass mapping where he should strike next. You can feel the warmth in your skin as the blood rises to the surface in reaction to his beating. Your nerves are caught in the struggle between pain and pleasure, even as the sixth and final blow lands. 
“Good girl.” Namjoon whispers his touch disappearing, as you ease down against your restraints. You hang completely by your wrists while your legs quake from the shock. Every nerve in your body feels as though it’s been left on fire with nothing to quench the flames. Leaving you to hang there for what seems like eternity.
“Sir?” You whisper in the dark as the heat continues to build inside you. Wondering where he has gone your body reacts, begging for the return of his attention with a dripping cunt. And with Taehyung below that can only mean the steady drip of your arousal is left to fall on him.
“Babygirl you’re making such a mess.” Namjoon confirms along with a groan from the man beneath you. “But he appears to be leaking too. Do you want some?” You nod eager for a taste. 
Namjoon obliges, grabbing your throat in one hand, he presses a damp finger to your lips for you to take. Your mouth latches over the offered digit, allowing the bitter fluid to sweep over your tongue. You're forced to let it sit there unable to swallow as the grip on your throat tightens, with the strap of the collar digging into your skin. Your mouth fills with saliva prompting you to close it despite your desperate need for air. 
“Does he taste good?” Namjoon wickedly possesses knowing you can barely even nod. It’s when you start to tremble that he finally releases your airway. 
You swallow quickly before letting your mouth hang open in a pant. With your lungs still restricted by the corset your breathing comes in short shuddering waves. “Yes sir, so good.”
“I think he likes having you drench him, shall we give him more?”
“Please.” You beg but Namjoon suddenly delivers a staggering blow to your backside, indicating your misstep. You’re left gasping from the sudden impact, swinging in the restraints as you try to recoil. “Please sir.” Your plea comes again this time with the proper decorum.  
There’s a crinkle of what sounds like a condom wrapper as Namjoon readies himself behind you. His fingers damp with lubrication find your back entrance, your tight hole giving way to a single finger. “You’ve been training for me like I asked?”
“Yes sir.” You almost come at the thought of it along with pleasure with the swirling digit. You’ve dabbled in anal before testing out a few toys, but a few weeks ago he sent you a plug with a tapered t-shaped end, giving you strict orders to wear it to work the following day. Unfortunately that was the date you had scheduled a meeting with your whole team. You were a flustered mess as you fought through your presentation, Jimin’s presence by your side making it so much more difficult to maintain control of your arousal . But the full day of public and torturous stimulation was worth it, for the reward that night was a call from Namjoon. His orders led you through every action of self pleasure.  Telling you when and where to touch before finally directing you to come. You’ve used the item several times on your own since, knowing your practice would help you in this moment. You wanted to make Namjoon proud and take him with little resistance. That desire now intensified with having Taehyung as an audience.
“Then you're ready to take me in front of him?” 
You nod gripping chains of the restraints as Namjoon eases into you. “Just relax.” His hands glide down your shoulders and back, coming to rest splayed across your hips, the tips of his finger root under the corset and dig into your stomach. Your grip eases as you lean back into him. “That’s it.” He mutters quietly as you stretch to accommodate him. “Good girl.”
After taking a few inches Namjoon pushes down on the front of your corset bowing the metal latches back to so they release, with a few clicks and swift presses the garment is off allowing you to breathe deeper than you have all day. 
“God you should see him babygirl, he’s so ruined by the sight of you. You have him panting for you.” You wish you could curse Namjoon for his choice to blindfold you and silence Taehyung, you would take any punishment that came of it, but all you can muster is a gasp while he continues to fill you more. “I wonder how he’ll react,” One of Namjoon’s hands leaves your hips coming to rest with something soft against your aching clit. “When he sees you come.” With a click the object vibrates, throwing you back completely onto Namjoons cock from the shock.
You catch Namjoon’s lustful groan between your cries. He starts to thrust inside of you one hand gripping your chest while the other holds the vibrate down in place despite your bucking hips. It doesn’t take long for you to completely fold. As the heat inside you finally reaches its peak you shatter, your head falling back on Namjoon’s shoulder as you convulse and moan. With nothing for your cunt to clench your legs grip the trussed man between them. He too lets out a sinful groan as the fluids from your fold continue to drip down your legs meet his adjoining skin. 
Namjoon turns the device off and slips out, the bed shifts as he moves in front of you. When his hand cups your face you lean into his touch. “You okay?”
You nod hoping he’ll be lenient with your lack of speech. You hear him whisper as he checks in with Taehyung too. “I’m going to take these now.” Namjoon must finally be freeing him from the waded underwear of yours.
Namjoon’s hands find you again, playing with the arousal dripping down your legs as he drags his fingers up to the source. A finger grazes your folds slipping between without penetrating. You pull desperately against your restraints hoping that it might find its way inside.  
“So are you going to tell me who you’re not allowed to have?” Namjoon asks again. “Or do I have to let you hang here all night?” 
“My secretary...” You give in with a  whisper, hoping that Taehyung won’t hear.
“And what’s his name? Say it and I’ll give you what you want.” 
The deal is too good for you to resist, you last only a couple more seconds before finally giving in. Crying out, “Jimin,” as two of Namjoon’s fingers breach you. Your sopping slit squelching as he curls his fingers. 
“There it is.” Namjoon sighs, his other hand brushing your cheek. “Is he the reason you’re so worked up tonight babygirl?”
“Y-yes sir.” You stutter as his fingers continue. He gives you another minute of bliss before removing his digits. 
“You’re going to do something for me, okay?” Namjoon asks. You nod as he continues to hold your face. “That man between your legs, you are going to fuck him and imagine Jimin as you do so, is that clear?” 
“Yes sir.”
“Is that okay with you pet?” He asks the other occupant, who still remains silent with his answers. The sound of another condom wrapper, comes as your confirmation.  Taehyung lets out an unexpected high pitched whine, likely due to the pressure that comes with the latex being rubbed down his shaft. You’re already so invested in the lie that he’s even starting to sound like Jimin. 
Namjoon is once again behind you. You can hear the rattle of the length of chain that holds you up and as he sinks back into you, his cock slipping in far easier this time, your body gladly welcomes the fullness of his intrusion.  He then lowers you inch by inch, with little strength left in your legs you are relying only on the restraints and Namjoon to hold you up. After gaining a bit more freedom you can feel the tip of a cock brushing up against you. Namjoon’s arm comes to rest on your thigh as he lines the erection up for you to take it inside. It’s a slow descent, as you stretch to accommodate both of them. Your thankful Namjoon’s mercy for easing you down gradually. 
When you bottom out Namjoon pulls the chain down from the rafters he releases the length from your cuffs, but rather than discarding it he attaches it to your collar, tugging on it as if it’s a leash. Though your hands are still bound together you have the freedom to rest them on the man laying down in front of you. You take pleasure in dragging the tips of your fingers across his skin, feeling his abs flex and his cock twitch inside you as you do so. 
Namjoon starts to thrust, keeping a close hold on your collar. While he pushes you are sent up and down on what you desperately want to be Jimin’s thick cock. After a few thrusts you are shoved forward entirely by Namjoon, colliding with the man beneath you. Your chest is pushed into his, as your bound hands are pinned between the two of you. While your head is left to rest on his shoulder, the tip of your nose is able to graze his neck. As you breathe in your mind continues to play tricks, the smell coming off him mimics that of the cologne your secretary wears, rather than the scent of Taehyung. 
Namjoon must have unbound his legs as they bend up to cradle your own from behind his hips bucking into yours, with both men taking you at a steady pace.
You move in closer to his neck, with a lick you taste the salt of his skin showing  your intentions. Biting down on the spot, you suck in deeply as your teeth dig in even harder. The carnal groans you receive from him sending shivers to your spine. There’s the sound of a soft slap, Namjoon didn’t hit you, but the man beneath you returns to his ordered silence.
Namjoon thrusts even harder, pushing you into his chest repeatedly. The thought of being fucked into Jimin’s embrace is too much to bear. Your cunt clenches as you continue envisioning your secretary, and how you're grinding your clit against his pelvis. 
You cry out over the swelling girths inside you, knowing their both likely to come soon. Clenching down one last time you dissolve in the pleasure and contentment. Namjoon finishes first remaining inside while his pet comes too. He leaves you there laying upon your imagined Jimin, in your daze  you can barely move let alone focus on reality. With a wave of exhaustion you start to slip from consciousness, but not before one last praise reaches your ears. Your delirium grants you the satisfaction of hearing the voice of Jimin whisper, “Good girl.”
...
You can’t remember the last time you slept so well. You woke early to find Namjoon had taken care of you in the night, he released your wrist cuffs, and removed your blindfold, after you had passed out from the physical exertion. The only restraint to remain was your collar which he asked you to wear today. Taehyung was sadly already gone, but you can’t deny it was nice to have Namjoon to yourself before you left. 
Now as you head off to work, showered and freshly dressed, with a turtleneck hiding your gift, you check your phone for the first time. Finding a string of apologetic messages sent from Jimin in the early hours of the morning. You reply apologizing too and asking to revisit the subject as soon as you get into work. Thankfully he agrees, the smiling emoji he ends his text on sends a wave of relief through you.
You step in the front entrance of your building ready to handle and objectively listen to Jimin’s thoughts and concerns. While you wait for the elevator your phone vibrates listing a call from an unknown number. “Hello?”
“Hey it’s Taehyung. Hope you don’t mind, I stole your personal number from my father.”
“Taehyung...” Heat starts to rise in your face at the thought of last night. The elevator arrives and you quickly step in. “No, not at all, to what do I owe the honour of this call.”
“No need to be so formal,” He giggles at you.
“Sorry, habit,” You respond. “What can I do for you?” 
“I wanted to thank you for yesterday...” Taehyung starts off. 
But his words are soon interrupted by someone shouting, “Hold the door.” You comply, pushing the button to keep them open, while trying to keep your focus on your conversation with Taehyung.
“...It’s not often that I meet someone who I can be so open with. I called the man you recommended and I’ve scheduled my first session with him tomorrow.”  
You freeze, unable to fully comprehend what he’s saying, surely he misspoke. It can’t be his first session. “W-what do you mean your first session is tomorrow? You were there-” The collar hidden beneath your turtleneck feels as though it’s tightening around your throat. “Last night, I saw you-” The line goes dead as the elevator closes and starts to ascend. It was Taehyung in the bed with you and Namjoon last night. You saw... nothing you saw nothing because of the blindfolded that you were asked to wear.
“Everything okay?” You jump at the sound of the other voice, forgetting that some else had gotten into the elevator. Looking up you find Jimin there beaming at you, his head tilted from his query.
“Namjoon,” You flutter with your phone, too panicked to even greet your secretary properly. “I need to call Namjoon.” But the line won’t connect, not with you in the elevator. “Fuck...” You try again your patience not willing to wait the minute it’ll take to disembark on your floor.  
You are almost there when the elevator shudders and stops. The sudden halt sends you off balance, but Jimin’s there to grab hold of you before you can fall. You thank him before stepping back and putting a bit of distance between the two of you again.
Jimin turns his attention to the panel, pushing the call button, he waits for someone to answer, but the call remains silent. 
While he continues in his attempt to make contact, every scene of the night before floods back to your memory as you try to piece everything together. It was Taehyung, it had to be. He must just be playing a stupid joke. He was surely going to shout ‘gotcha’ before the phone disconnected, but you won’t know for certain until someone can get you off this blasted lift. You sink to the floor and Jimin follows, unable to reach anyone on the outside. 
Despite your best efforts to rationalize what happened, your panicked breaths fail to slow, Spots start appearing in your vision as the elevator sways around you. Your breakfast threatens to make another appearance on the polished marble floor. 
“It’ll be fine. Someone will notice soon.” Jimin attempts to comfort you but even that won’t quash the fear raging inside you.
“It’s not just that...” You whisper. “Something happened last night. I need to call Namjoon, I need to figure out...” Who was actually in that bed with you. Your confusion and panic break free sending you into a fit of tears as you hug your knees to your chest.
“Hush, it’s okay.” Jimin readjusts, moving in front of you and taking your hands in his. He leans towards you as he whispers in your ear. “Don’t cry babygirl.”
Your eyes snap to look at Jimin in alarm. Your prior worries are nothing compared to the terror which takes hold now. “H-how do you know that name?” Your stuttered words barely make their way past your lips.
“I think you know the answer to that question.” He pulls at the collar of his shirt allowing you to spot a large red mark on his neck, right where you had bitten the man you once thought to be Taehyung. “I wanted to wait a bit longer, I wanted more moments like we had last night but it would seem that someone had to go and ruin it.” You pull back but Jimin’s hands shift to take hold of your wrists, mimicking the manacles that embraced you the night before. “Are you not happy babygirl? You got your wish. And I... I got what I’ve always wanted.”
“This is so wrong Jimin! You knew I thought you were someone else! You knew that I wouldn’t have done that last night if I knew the truth.” 
“Even though I was the one you really wanted babygirl?”
“Stop calling me that! Just because of what happened last night does not make me yours. You lied to Namjoon. You said that I sent you. You told him you were Taehyung!”
Jimin gives a wicked laugh in response to your accusations. “Oh, but you are mine. Namjoon is the one who’s been keeping things from you. He’s been in my employ far longer than yours.” He coos as his fingers tighten their grip on you. “I was the reason you were introduced to him, and I was the one who bestowed you with that name shortly after.”
“No, that’s not possible, Namjoon and I, we met at a charity event.”
“Hosted by my father. Where I told him to make himself known to you, to entice you to become one of his pets. I may have acted the sub last night but I am the one who holds Namjoon’s reins, I always have.”
“No he would never do that! He’s considerate and-”
“Had so much to gain by dominating you on my behalf. Money, power, and an assurance of safety, he would’ve been a fool to turn my offer down. Especially since you were so willing to play along with him. I dare say he enjoyed his time with you, but I was the one who permitted him to touch you. I was there to listen, to read, and to direct every conversation. Those gifts he told you to wear to the office, they were all from me.” He lets go of one of your wrists to pull down the neck of your shirt. Revealing the leather band strapped around your neck. “Today it’s the collar, yesterday it was the corset, and a few weeks ago...” Jimin smirks as he recalls the memory to your mind. “You barely made it through that meeting thanks to my gift.”
  It’s impossible to swallow the admissions coming from him, but regardless of what may be true or false, you won’t stand for any of it. “You’ve had your fun, but this ends now.” You reach up attempting to remove the collar but Jimin pushes you to the floor pinning your arms above you as he straddles you. The elevator wavers from the struggle, teetering as you lay captive beneath him. 
“I don’t think you understand the situation you’ve placed yourself in. I hold in my possession your darkest secrets. One’s that will ruin you if they make their way out. Your illegal activity with a sex worker, your inappropriate sexual conduct with your secretary. Not to mention the names and dubious activities of every client you’ve recommended to Namjoon’s services.”  
“Why... why are you doing this?” 
“Because you found me. I worked so hard to exploit my father from the outside, getting everything I wanted without the threat of public exposure. I couldn’t let you ruin it all. When we first met I considered you a threat, but then I saw how easy and enjoyable it was to mould to my will. The more intimate you become with someone the more power you give them over you. Simply being your secretary isn’t enough, not if I want you in a more pliable state.” Jimin hushed whisper mixes with a haunting giggle as his lips come to your ear. “I plan to bend you to fit every one of my needs.”
“You’re psychotic!” You lash out trying to throw him off but he stems your revolt by planting himself further down on to you, sitting on your chest as the elevator sways.
“Psychotic? No, I am simply a man who found his passion amidst his revenge. I know what I desire, and vengeance has taught me how best to take it. So if you want to keep yourself and everything else around you from falling, I suggest you play along like a good girl. Or I promise you, my punishments won’t be as kind as what you’ve experienced before.”
“What is it that you want?” You ask, already fearing his answer. He has you trapped in a gilded cage with him, where one misstep will send you plummeting to meet your end. Nothing that comes accompanied by such threats can be palatable.
“At work? To keep the status quo, I’ll remain your secretary, only so I can keep a better hold on you.” 
“Hoseok won’t agree to that. He already thinks I should ditch you. I should have listened to him.” 
“Then you will make him agree or he might have an accident, much like your accountant did. He too thought we were too close, even threatened to say something. Don’t worry I saved us from him, just as I’ll save us from Hoseok if you can’t convince him to back off. Do you think you can get him to agree now?”
You give a solemn nod, with Hoseok on the line you have no choice.
“After hours, we’ll drop the middleman.” Jimin lowers himself further on to you, laying down on top, his weight flattening you to the floor. With his head coming to rest on your restrained arm as he whispers further plans. “Every night you’ll come to me instead, and every morning you’ll have a new gift to wear. When we step off this elevator you’ll act as if nothing is wrong. You will go about business as usual, is that clear babygirl?”
You stifle a sob staring directly up and away from his eyes, not daring to give him the satisfaction of your fear. With little else to cling to, all you can do is agree for the time being, as much as it pains you, you choke out your compliance. “Yes...” 
“Yes what?” Jimin purrs, his lips faintly touching your ear. “Address me properly, or I will find ways to discipline you right here on this lift.” His fingers tighten and nails bite into your skin.
“Yes sir,” you whine as a plea for him to stop. 
Jimin mercifully lessens his hold on your wrists, hitting you instead with a smirk and befouled praise. “Good girl. I knew you’d finally see that I’m worth the risk.”
...
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time- a. hotchner
SUMMARY: you get kidnapped lol
WARNINGS: kidnapping (duh), some injuries but everyone lives, aaron being m a d, and reader being a freaking baddie
WORDS: too many 6604
A/N: sorry that it’s been a hot minute since i posted, im lazy
Aaron glanced up as the workday finally drew to a close, watching you wave goodbye to the team and stroll towards the unit chief’s office, just in time to see JJ as she ascended the steps on her way to the room as well. You started to wave, but JJ murmured something you couldn’t make out and you stopped. Aaron’s blood ran cold, and he mentally cursed himself for being naive enough to believe that things would work out for once. He turned to look at Emily and Morgan through the blinds, who’d been talking near Emily’s desk, and saw their eyes trained on you and JJ. Emily swore under her breath, then headed to the conference room with Spencer and Derek not far behind.
+++++
Aaron sat down next to you in the conference room, meeting your eyes and giving you a halfhearted smile. You returned the gesture and went back to scanning the grisly photos before you. He zoned out as JJ spoke, giving the rundown on each of the girls that had been abducted, then murdered mere hours later. The murders seemed somewhat random, with the exception that the victims were all girls in their upper 20’s. In fact, they were all 29, just like you were.
Something clicked in your mind, but you didn’t want to jump to conclusions. You could feel Aaron’s steely gaze on you, and you wondered briefly if he could tell what you were thinking. You were lost in your thoughts, to the point where you didn’t hear Aaron’s deep “Wheels up in 30.” After everyone had left the conference room, Aaron turned back to see you still staring at the photos, searching for something you couldn’t quite name among the blood spatters and empty faces. He walked over to you and gently tapped your shoulder, causing your head to whip up to face him. Realization washed over your eyes, and you mumbled an apology.
Aaron shook his head in response, saying “I’m sorry. I was hoping we’d actually get to go out tonight.” You sighed, then replied.
“Who knows? Maybe the unsub will be caught by the time we get there and we can go get dinner or something.” You laughed as you said it, but your laughter was tinged with a resigned sadness Aaron despised, wishing he could take you somewhere you’d never be forced to feel this way again. Aaron watched you for a few seconds longer, as your face darkened and you grabbed your files and left the room, heading to his office, where both of your go-bags were. He wanted to tell you so much, but wasn’t sure how to start. He wanted to tell you that he’d been planning to propose this evening, that he wanted to be with you forever. But he couldn’t.
+++++
Aaron noticed you lost in your thoughts again on the plane ride while the rest of the team went over the case. The sheer amount of bodies was enough to give someone pause. In addition, the unsub took a girl each Thursday, but never kept them for more than a few hours. Why?
The plane ride felt fairly short. You were hit with a wave of nostalgia as the plane touched down in New York, where you’d gone to college years earlier, and worked before you were transferred to the Behavioral Analysis Unit and moved to Quantico. As you walked into the FBI field office with the rest of the BAU, you couldn’t stop your mind from remembering the last time you’d been in the building, when working a terrorism case alongside Agent Joyner four years earlier.
She’d been killed immediately by a bomb in your SUV, and metal had been lodged in your left leg, cutting the femoral artery and nearly causing you to bleed out. If not for your Aaron, you would’ve died there, on the cold pavement. When Aaron came to visit you while you recovered from surgery, you managed to slur out that you loved him. At the time, he blamed it on the drugs you were on, until he showed up at your hospital room again a few hours later, to drive you home. You’d suffered hearing loss as well, and coupled with your leg injury, you couldn’t go in the field or on the plane for a while. As he helped you up and handed you the crutches you’d be relying on for nearly a year, you met his eyes and said confidently, “I meant what I said earlier.”
He’d paused for a second, before his lips spread into a rare smile, and he said, “I love you too.” You’d always known the relationship wouldn’t be easy, considering his recent divorce and your unconventional jobs, but you were fine with it. Being with Aaron was good enough.
Present-day Aaron subtly placed a hand on the small of your back, a sign of encouragement he’d adopted over the years. You glanced up at him and nodded, silently letting him know you were okay. He dropped his hand, and held it out to the new director of the New York field office: Agent Milenka, an enthusiastic but imposing woman you’d met at the Academy when you were younger. You caught Morgan glaring at her for a second, reminding you that Morgan almost got that job. Still, you knew that Morgan loved you all too much to leave the BAU for a job directing the New York field office. The team was his rock, the weight that tethered him to reality when he was at his lowest. Aaron introduced Milenka to the rest of your team, until she cut him off when he got to you.
“I know her,” she declared loudly, “I was her firearms trainer at the Academy, but she had to show me up and be better with a gun than I am.” Spite dripped from her words, but the mischievous smile on her face told you she wasn’t really upset. Aaron nodded slightly, caught off-guard by her remark, then interjected to ask where his team could set up.
Agent Milenka led all of you to an empty conference room, with the case files already arranged neatly and a blank evidence board at the front of the room. She turned on her heel and stared firmly at the team. If you hadn’t known her for years, you’d assume she was going to attempt to assert control over the case, but instead she said, “My agents have come to see this office as a family, and probably won’t take too well to the fact that I’ve called you in. If any of them give you hell, tell me, and I’ll make the devil look like a cuddly teddy bear.” She pivoted on her heel to leave, then turned back around. “Agent L/N, my office.”
+++++
You were shocked, to be honest. This woman could bring grown men to their knees, and now she sat in front of you, spinning in a swivel chair, teasing you over your obvious infatuation with Aaron Hotchner.
“Really, Milenka, I gotta get back to the team,” you sighed, rubbing your temples.
“Fine”, she grunted, making a shooing motion with her hand. “But here’s what I meant to tell you. I’m guessing you and your team want to know why it took this many bodies for me to call you in. I mean, I’d be wondering that, too. The bodies were all dumped two days ago, even though they’d all been dead for various amounts of time, so I’m guessing the unsub wanted to make sure I had to call you guys. Keep that in mind. He knows how this works.” The humor and mischief was gone from the agent’s voice, and in that moment you knew how she’d risen through the ranks of the FBI so quickly. Something about her made you want to do everything you could to solve the case as quickly as possible. She wasn’t someone you could let down.
You grimaced, then nodded, unable to say anything, and left her office, getting coffee from the espresso machine for you and your teammates as you walked back to the conference room. As you passed around the cups, Aaron watched you expectantly, obviously waiting for you to relay whatever information Agent Milenka had told you, and so you did. The reactions among the team members were the same, set jaws and darkening eyes. You didn’t know where to start with the case, until you remembered the idea you’d gotten back in D.C. You leapt from the black desk chair you’d just sat down in and practically ran to the evidence board, grabbing a red dry-erase marker and organizing the victim’s pictures from the first to the last to be abducted. You circled the eyes on some of the pictures, the hair on others, the widow’s peaks on some, and other various defining features.
“He’s working up to someone specific,” Spencer muttered as you worked. You whipped around, pointing a finger at him and downing the last of your coffee.
“Yes! Okay, so, look at this: The first and last girl are wildly different, but when you look at the chronological order of the victims, each one gains another characteristic that the next one didn’t have, like he’s working up to getting one specific girl, and kept killing those that looked increasingly similar to his real target!” You blurted the words, and watched as your teammates looked on in a mix of awe and horror, at both the board and a piece of paper Spencer had messily written on. Aaron, who was usually so emotionless, looked especially horrified, and scared. You shot Spencer a questioning look, and he held up the paper he’d shown the rest of the team. He’d taken the first letter of each woman’s name, and when lined up, they spelled out a message.
Your name.
+++++
“You’re off the case.” Aaron said, crossing his arms over his chest as you paced around the empty office he’d practically dragged you to.
“What? If some psycho is after me, I want to be the one to catch him!” You spoke firmly, almost yelling but not quite.
“If some psycho is after you,” Aaron started, sounding much calmer than you had, “I want you to be safe. Sending you out to hunt him down isn’t keeping you safe.”
You scoffed, then yelled, “As long as he’s out there, I’m not safe! If you let me help, we’ll find him faster. I can’t- no, I won’t- just sit here doing nothing while this man kills women just because he’s got some sort of vendetta against me!”
Aaron’s resolve broke down. You could tell from the way his back slumped and he pulled you into his chest. You wrapped your arms around him, basking in the feeling of calm it brought. Your anger dissipated when he held you like that, and he knew it.
He murmured, “I can’t lose you,” into your ear, and your heart broke from the way his voice cracked from fear and sadness. Aaron pulled away far too soon, and gave you a look that you knew meant to stay put, and pulled out his phone to call Penelope Garcia.
A few moments later, Spencer walked in, hands in his pockets. He looked unsure of himself, and you couldn’t figure out why until he said, “Hotch wants me to drive you to the hotel.”
You stared at him silently for a second, then mumbled curses under your breath and stormed out of the room to find your bag. Spencer put an arm out to stop you, then said, “He said he’d bring it for you tonight.”
You glared at him for a moment, before averting your gaze to the suddenly interesting polished linoleum beneath you. “I’m sorry. This isn’t your fault. I shouldn’t be mad at you.”
Spencer gave you a small smile, and replied, “It’s okay. You’re stressed. We all are. Hotch just wants you to be safe.”
You nodded, and he led you from the building to the shiny, black SUV parked outside. Aaron jogged out of the building towards you, and grabbed the handle of the vehicle before you could. You met his eyes, and he murmured, “I know you’re mad at me, but I need you to stay in the hotel room, okay? Lock the door, and I’ll be there tonight with your go-bag.” You nodded, and he paused a second before saying, “I love you.”
Your pride got the best of you, and you simply muttered, “I know.”
+++++
You’d been sure that the SUV’s tires were full when you’d arrived in New York, but the flat passenger tire begged to differ. Spencer pulled into a nearby gas station to fill up the tire, something you were fairly sure he’d never done before. You couldn’t help but laugh when he called Morgan to ask what to do, who responded that it would be easier for him to come fill up the tire himself. You mouthed that you had to go to the bathroom, and Spencer nodded as Morgan’s laughter came through the phone. You stifled laughter as you walked into the gas station, grimacing at the smell of sweat and cheap hot dogs.
+++++
Aaron wasn’t sure if he’d ever been so mad. No, mad wasn’t the word. Was there a word that could encapsulate the unadulterated fury coursing through his veins? He paced the conference room like a caged lion, practically screaming at Spencer and Derek through the phone.
“What the hell happened?”
Spencer was crying, he could tell that much from the muffled sobs, and Aaron couldn’t help but think that he might never see you again. He slammed the phone onto the table with nearly enough force to break it, and looked up to see Emily, Rossi, and JJ already halfway out the conference room, before he’d told them what happened. The four of them slid into the two remaining SUVs. Aaron screeched out of the parking lot, gripping the wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. Rossi kept shooting him worried glances he pretended not to notice.
“We’ll find her,” Rossi said, “But you need to stay calm for us to do it.”
Aaron nodded. He didn’t trust his voice to work right now. If he tried to speak, he knew he’d probably cry. He pulled into the gas station just before Emily and JJ, and a voice in his head reminded him that this might be the last place you’d ever see. Rossi hopped out of the car, giving Aaron a sympathetic look as he did so.
+++++
The team had been at the gas station for almost three hours, interviewing customers, collecting evidence, and talking to workers. Multiple people reported seeing a woman similar to who Aaron described enter the bathroom, but no one saw her leave.There was a window in the girl’s bathroom that had been broken from the inside, with blood on both the window and the glass. The forensics team ran the blood, and it was all from the same person.
Aaron didn’t need to hear the results to know whose blood it was. Spencer tried to help, informing him that she hadn’t bled out because women had approximately 4.5 pints of blood and that was at most half a pint, but Aaron cut him off. He couldn’t hear it, couldn’t listen to everyone talking about his girlfriend, the love of his life, as though she was already dead. He knew the odds, knew that she was almost certainly going to be dead within the first 72 hours, considering how the unsub had killed the other women.
He was going to find you alive. He knew it.
Because he wasn’t sure what he’d do if he didn’t.
+++++
Everything was fuzzy and painful and oh my god what is that stuff coming out of your side and out of your hand and holy crap you can’t move you’re tied up what are you tied to what’s going on and-
“You’re even prettier than I remember.” The voice sounded familiar, but the only thing your brain could fully focus on at the moment was the excruciating pain. You felt a hand on your side, and then a searing pain that was somehow worse than the pain you’d already been feeling.
“You got a piece of glass in your side. I’m getting it out.”
You felt pressure on the spot, and forced your head to move so you could see what was going on.
He was wrapping your waist in some sort of bandage to staunch the bleeding. You forced yourself to look around the musty room you were in. You were seated in a chair, with your arms tied to the back of the chair by a coarse brown rope and a metal chain and heavy shackle attached to your left ankle. Your eyes followed the chain, to where it connected to a silver hook jutting from the wooden floor, which was coated in a layer of dirt.
Dirt.
You must be in a barn, or shed, or something. You definitely weren’t in New York City anymore.
You vaguely remembered what had happened in the gas station bathroom. There’d been a man waiting in the first stall, who jumped on you, shoving your head against the mirror hard enough to crack your skull. You figured that you’d blacked out, and he’d jumped the window with you in tow.
Then another memory washes over you like a tsunami, flooding you with regret.
Aaron said he loved you, and you didn’t say it back. Now, you might never get to tell him that you love him again.
+++++
Aaron removed himself from the case, leaving Rossi in charge. He knew he’d only slow everyone else down with the torrent of emotions dancing inside his skull. So now, he’s resorted to sitting in your hotel room alone, wishing he hadn’t told you to go to the hotel. He’d been crying for the first time in years.
Aaron had no clue what to do, and it gives him newfound respect for the families of abducted victims that he speaks to. He pulled the sparkling diamond ring he planned on giving you tonight out of his bag, staring at it and imagining it on your ring finger. It doesn’t make him happier, instead it just turns the steady stream of tears into a storm.
+++++
Morgan, Rossi, JJ, and Emily, seated at the silver table in the conference room, were going over every last piece of evidence they have, while Spencer made a map of the abduction sites as Agent Milenka told him the addresses. They already established that the victims were high-risk due to their above-average athleticism, and each victim was taken from a high-risk location. Spencer looked for any sense of a pattern in abduction sites, but couldn’t find one. Eventually, he sat down next to Morgan and Emily, defeated.
“So all we know is that he’s obsessed with Y/N, and that he wasn’t remorseful about the murders of the other women.” Derek sighed, leaning back in his chair.
“Well, if he was able to subdue her, he most likely had the element of surprise. So, he probably isn’t physically strong, and needed that advantage to knock her out.” Rossi added, and Derek nodded.
Spencer looked up from the crime scene photos. “There’s no ligature marks.”
Derek nodded. “Yeah, we went over that. So?”
“Why knock the women out and transport them if you’re just going to kill them immediately instead of holding them somewhere? Why not just kill them wherever they already are?”
Emily’s mouth fell open. “Practice. So that when he had Y/N, he knew exactly what was going to happen. But he didn’t want to ruin the rest of the fantasy by taking someone else where he’s planned to keep Y/N. He wants that to be special.”
“So we know he’s going to be holding her somewhere secluded, then,” Milenka chimed in.
After a few moments of silence, the phone rang in the center of the table, and the team members all stared at it for a few moments before Derek turned to the computer next to him, where Garcia was currently on a video call with the team.
“Can you trace this call, babygirl?”
Garcia nodded. “I don’t have a trap and trace set up yet, but I can get one, honey. Just gimme one second.”
Derek’s hand hovered over the button on the receiver to answer the call, and when Garcia affirmed that she was ready, Derek pressed the button. Instantly, a somewhat timid male voice filled the room.
“Where’s Agent Hotchner? I want to speak to him, not any of you.”
The team shared a perplexed look, and Emily asked, “How do you know who is here and who isn’t?”
“The window’s open.”
JJ ran to the window, then turned. “He’s there,” she said, pointing to a man directly underneath where the conference window was with a phone to his ear.
The rest of the team sprinted down the stairs and out of the field office, with JJ not far behind. By the time they got to where the man had been, he was long gone. No one near the area said they’d seen him, either.
Derek turned and punched the wall out of rage, while Emily cursed loudly. The rapid darkening of the sky didn’t help with trying to catch an unsub, either.
Dejectedly, the team returned to the conference room, where Garcia excitedly said, “Your man forgot to hang up for a few minutes! I don’t know entirely where he went, but I know the direction he was headed!”
“Where, Garcia?” Spencer asked, desperate for a lead.
“Straight west.”
Spencer looked to Emily, who said, “Let’s go.”
+++++
The team knew the unsub needed somewhere secluded to keep you, but couldn’t figure out where. He’d been on foot when they’d seen him, so it had to be somewhat close. Or maybe he’d had a car in a parking lot somewhere? There were too many variables. They needed Hotch.
+++++
“Drink.”
The man held a cup to your lips, but you kept them closed tight. After trying to force you for a while, he gave up. Sighing, the man ran a hand through your hair, forcing your head upright. For a serial killer, he was surprisingly gentle.
“You need your strength,” the man murmured, but you looked away when he picked up the cup again. He set it down, shaking his head, then pulled a knife out of the back pocket of his blue jeans. You knew better than to scream. It was likely that he craved your pain, so allowing him that satisfaction would coax him to continue. He walked behind you, to where you wouldn’t see him. You closed your eyes, praying for a quick death, praying Aaron would find you, praying you could see your team one last time.
But you didn’t need to.
The man cut through the rope binding your wrists, then left the room. He was rarely in the room with you, and you wondered what he was doing outside of it. For the first time, however, he came back within a few minutes of leaving. You could theoretically move if you wanted to now that the rope was gone considering how long the chain attached to your leg was, but you were weak and hurting. The last thing you saw before your vision went black yet again was the man standing above you with a syringe.
+++++
Aaron was with the rest of the team, visiting each abduction site for something, anything to help the profile, when the unsub called him.
“This is Hotchner.”
“I have her, Agent Hotchner, and I treat her better than you ever could. You think what she needs is a big strong man to control her,” he mocked, “But you don’t truly love her. No one could, except me.” Although the man’s words were confident, he sputtered out the words like an old truck engine. It sounded like he was reading a script, as though he’d had to plan out what he was going to say beforehand. As soon as the unsub finished speaking, the tell-tale click of the phone hanging up sounded.
Emily, who’d been walking next to him, stopped, pulling out her phone to contact Penelope.
“Can you get the rest of the team on the line? I think Morgan and Reid are at the Central Park crime scene, and JJ and Rossi are probably still by Times Square.”
Emily could practically hear Penelope’s smile as she responded, “Can do, gorgeous.”
A few keyboard clicks later, Penelope stated, “You’ve got me, Morgan, Rossi, Reid,and JJ.”
Emily took a shaky breath before saying, “We think Y/N knew the unsub.”
“What do you mean, knew?” Reid’s voice sounded.
“He claimed that he loves her more than Aaron ever could. He thinks he knows her better than us, so he probably knew her when she used to live in New York.”
“She went to college here, didn’t she?” JJ responded.
Penelope chimed in, exclaiming, “She went to John Jay College of Criminal Justice. Graduated top of her class.”
Morgan cleared his throat, then added: “Maybe the unsub didn’t know her, but thought he did. He could’ve been stalking her when she lived here, then kept tabs on her when she transferred to the BAU years ago.”
“He probably found out about Y/N’s relationship with Aaron recently, and that’s his stressor.” Rossi added.
Emily stared into the distance. There was something off about this. The theory made sense, but at the same time, it felt, well, wrong.
Agent Milenka, who’d been surveying the crime scene Emily and Aaron were at, sauntered over.
“I know who did this.”
Aaron met her firm gaze, confused and intrigued.
“Who?”
“There was this guy she met at John Jay, didn’t talk much, but he ended up applying to the FBI just because she did. He made it in a few months after her and got a job as a forensic analyst at our field office here. They worked together pretty often, and he was never too strange, but you got the feeling there was something off. He started acting weird after Y/N’s transfer to the BAU. I ordered another psych eval for him a few months ago, and he failed. I fired him, and I haven’t seen him since.”
Aaron and Emily shared a look, both hopeful and sad.
“What’s his name?”
“Ian Foster.”
Aaron nodded, murmuring a quick thank you, then turned back to Emily.
“Call Garcia. We need all the information we can find on Ian Foster.”
+++++
Your head hurt. You were somewhere different now; the dirty brown floor had been replaced with plush white carpet, and the chair you’d gotten used to was gone. Your left leg was still shackled, but this time it was attached to a shiny metal spike in the center of the room. You surveyed your surroundings, noting the vast difference between your current location and your past one. The chain attached to your ankle was long, probably meant to give you full access to the room you were in but keep you from leaving. The walls were white and spotless, along with the queen-sized bed behind you and the dresser and vanity along the far wall. You knew you must look out of place compared to the neatness of your surroundings, with your frizzy, dirty hair and torn, wrinkled, and stained clothes. You realized that you’d never checked your holster for your gun, and in doing so, found it empty.
Great.
Sun shone through the window on your right, and birds chirped happily, as if mocking you. They were telling you that they’re free, while you’re locked in this stupid white room.
Your captor walked in soon after you woke up, and you knew he must be watching you through a camera hidden somewhere.
“Drink.”
Your eyes searched his face, trying to understand who he was, now that you had enough light to see.
“Foster?” You managed to croak out through your parched throat.
Ian nodded, then grabbed your face with one calloused hand, forcing you to open your mouth so he could pour water in, which you promptly spat into his eyes. Instead of causing him to stumble, all it did was make him laugh.
“I see you’re still as fiery as ever.”
You clamped your mouth shut, pursing your lips and staring him in the eyes until he left. After he was gone, you tried to move your arms as much as possible. Your limbs felt heavy, like you were attached to weights, but moving was somewhat possible, a little bit at a time.
For now, that would be enough. You just had to pray that Aaron could find you.
+++++
Ian Foster’s paper trail was a series of dead ends, but Penelope Garcia, being the lovely omnipotent being she is, was able to find two properties owned by his dead uncle in upstate New York that he was likely using to hold you.
Aaron couldn’t describe the relief that wrapped itself around him, like a soft blanket, when Garcia chirped that she’d found where he was. He’d refused to allow himself to think that you might be dead, and the knowledge that now he had your location was sweeter than any candy could ever be.
He wiped a tear from his eye that threatened to fall, and cleared his throat, nodding at Emily and Agent Milenka, wordlessly signaling her to join him as he ran towards the SUV they’d been using. Emily followed, calling JJ and Rossi to give them the address as she ran. The first property, an old farmhouse, was about 40  minutes away from their current location, while the second one, a pretty two-story house, was about three hours away. Hotch, Emily, and Milenka, being farthest from both locations, were driving to the house, while the rest of the team would check out the farmhouse first then meet them there.
+++++
There was this feeling, blossoming in your chest, comforting you, whispering that Aaron was on his way. You’d learned over the years that your instincts rarely lied to you, and you hoped to whatever God there was or wasn't, that this wasn’t one of the times they misled you.
So you knew what you had to do.
You acted nice every time Ian came to visit, roughly every half hour.
Then, after five visits, you drank the water he offered willingly. Gently, Ian helped you up off the ground, a gesture that would’ve been comforting had he not been a serial killer. He moved his hands until they were lightly situated on your waist, and gazed into your eyes with the crazed fanaticism of a deranged man. He leaned in for a kiss, and the second he closed his eyes, you drove your right knee directly into his crotch.
Serves him right for being dumb enough not to fully restrain you. While he doubled over in pain, stepping back, you set up for a roundhouse kick that you placed to the back of his knee, knocking him onto the ground in an ungraceful heap. While he was on the ground, you punched him in the throat with enough force to knock the wind out of him, leaving him gasping for air on the ground like a fish out of water. Sending another kick to his temple for good measure, rendering him unconscious, you searched his pockets for anything that could remove the shackle from your leg. Eventually, you settled for a wire cutter that you used to cut off the attaching chain, but your clumsiness left an angry gash in your leg in the process. Limping from exhaustion, you ran from the room as fast as you could with the pain in your side from the glass that had been lodged there and the blood from the cut in your skull dripping down your face and neck. Your head felt fuzzy and faint, and you knew you were likely to pass out from blood loss any second. You repeated Aaron’s name in your head like a mantra, telling yourself that you needed to get back to him first, then you could pass out from pain. Every part of your body ached, screaming at you to give up as you stumbled down the creaky carpeted stairs, leaving a trail of blood in your wake.
As you neared the foyer, you heard the engine of a car, along with footsteps. The door flew open, with Aaron directly behind it, followed by Morgan, Emily, Spencer, Rossu, and a few agents from the New York office. Aaron’s eyes scanned the room before settling on you, bloodied and bruised, and he ran to you, gathering you in his arms while you whimpered like a child. He whispered things in your ear that you couldn’t make out as you let the blackness at the edge of your vision take over.
+++++
Lights. Murmuring voices. Were you still in that house?
You opened your eyes to see two people, one man and one woman, leaving the room you were in. There was a pressure on your hand that scared you, and slowly, you turned your head to see the source of the sensation, and you were greeted with what was quite possibly the best view you’d ever laid eyes on: Aaron Hotchner asleep at your side, desperately clutching your hand.
“Aaron?” You murmured. He was a light sleeper, so you knew the sound would most likely wake him up. When it didn’t, you squeezed his hand while murmuring his hand again. His head jerked up, and his tired eyes met yours.
“Y/N.” His voice was filled with so much anxiety, grief, and regret that your heart shattered, as he reached up to ever-so-gently caress your face, then kissed you softly.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.” His words took the broken pieces of your heart and smashed them again with a hammer, until you were sobbing against Aaron’s chest. He held you, and let you cry, becoming painfully aware of his inability to help in times like this. His specialty was catching criminals, not helping people through the trauma, and he entertained the thought of asking JJ to talk to you for a fleeting moment, before deciding that he couldn’t let you out of his sight for the time being.
After a few minutes, you sniffed and lifted your head to wipe away your tears, but Aaron did it before you could. You stared down at your side for a moment, watching the blood that seeped through the bandage every time you took a breath, while you gathered enough courage to speak without your voice wavering.
“I’m sorry. You told me you loved me, and I didn’t say it back, and that could’ve been the last-”
Aaron cut you off with a kiss, murmuring against your lips, “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
You sat in silence with him for a while, leaning your head against his shoulder as he stroked your hair. Eventually, Aaron broke the silence.
“I saw what you did to Ian.”
You choked out a laugh despite the pain that ripped through you while doing so. “Yeah, I left him in pretty bad shape, didn’t I?”
Aaron nodded, smiling. “I’m proud of you. Most people wouldn't be able to escape a serial killer.”
“Well, I’m not most people, Hotchner.”
“That’s for sure.”
+++++
The rest of the team left for D.C. the next morning, but Aaron stayed to drive you home once you were discharged from the hospital. First, however, he dropped you off at the FBI field office to talk with Agent Milenka while he called Jessica to ask if she’d mind watching Jack for a few more days, explaining what happened to you. She practically viewed you as a sister, and after recovering from the initial horror, was happy to agree.
“Hey, Y/N! You’re alive!” Agent MIlenka called brightly as you limped into her office, bumping your crutched on the doorframe.
You chuckled. “Sadly, I am. Aaron told me it was you who figured out Foster had taken me. How’d you know?”
Milenka shrugged. “I may not be a profiler, but I sure as hell can tell when someone’s not right. The guy went almost crazy when you left New York. It just made sense.”
“But if that was his stressor, he would’ve started murdering earlier.”
“We thought at first that finding out about you and Agent Hotchner might’ve been the stressor, but it was impossible to tell when he’d found out, so we switched gears. I fired Ian a few months ago because he’d just been getting worse and worse, and eventually was a liability on cases. The last straw was him failing his psych evaluation. Maybe he felt that losing his FBI job meant he lost his last chance to be with you if he’d been hoping to transfer to your unit someday.”
You nodded slowly. “That’s around the time the kidnappings started, isn’t it?”
Milenka nodded. The two of you stood in her office in comfortable silence for a bit, until she stood up from her desk, crossing the distance between you and engulfing you in a nervous hug. She pulled away fairly quickly, most likely out of fear of hurting you, and awkwardly patted you twice on the shoulder. “Take care, Agent.”
“You too, Milenka.”
You turned to go, but stopped when you heard Milenka call, “One more thing.”
“Yeah?”
“Hotchner’s a good guy. Don’t let that one get away.”
You merely offered her a smile, then strode out of her office as elegantly as one can with a limp.
+++++
The ride home was nice, full of easy discussion, laughter, and a few guilty looks that Aaron snuck at your stitched-up side, wishing he’d listened to you.
You made a joke he didn’t hear, and leaned over in your seat so you could wave a hand in front of his face, calling his name in a sing-song voice.
“Aaron, you good?”
Aaron shook his head slightly, rubbed his eyes, then turned towards you. “Yes?”
“Is something wrong?”
“No, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
You hummed in affirmation, then turned towards the window. The rest of the drive was spent in comfortable silence, until you arrived at Aaron’s house. You spent practically all of your time there. Honestly, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d stepped foot into your apartment. Aaron helped you into the house and to your shared bed, where you passed out immediately. You vaguely heard a soft whisper of “sleep well” before you were out cold.
Aaron watched you for what felt like hours, feeling pent-up stress and anger roll off of him in waves as he silently stroked your hair, grateful beyond words that you’d lived. You murmured something in your sleep that sounded suspiciously like “I love you,” before rolling over to curl against his chest, nuzzling your head against the crook of his neck. And for the first time in days, he allowed himself a smile. Aaron basked in the rare feeling of relaxation, thinking about how nice it would be to bottle up this feeling and keep it forever, until sleep finally pulled him into its soft clutches. And for once, with you safely nestled into him, he slept easily. He still hadn’t proposed, but that was okay. Now that you were safe, you two had all the time in the world.
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thran-duils · 3 years
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Lost in Zero Gravity (P.21)
Title: Lost In Zero Gravity (Part Twenty One) Summary:  Fem!Reader x Mob Boss!Tony Stark x Mob Boss!Steve Rogers.  Reader is a call girl who runs high end parties. She catches the attention of Tony Stark who invites her back to his room with his friend. She might have performed too well because she becomes their new favorite play toy and they don’t like to share. Words: 3,051 Warnings (for the fic in entirety): Smut, prostitution, infidelity, angst, domestic violence, stalking, possessive behavior, drug use
Part Twenty || Part Twenty Two || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost
“What the hell happened?” Rhodey demanded after a few moments of awkward silence after Steve had stormed out.
Happy had closed the door after Steve, also looking at Tony now with expectation for an answer.
“Nothing,” Tony said aggressively, pushing the reactor and the suit began retracting.
“Nothing? You don’t get to cause that uproar here in the facility and then not give any of us an answer—” Rhodey started to argue.
“Who’s in charge here?” Tony interrupted him shortly.
Rhodey shook his head, “Tony, that’s not fair. And you know it.”
“Life isn’t fair,” Tony quipped, walking over to his desk to snatch up his phone. He began texting quickly.
“If something is going on between you two, the rest of the team deserves to know! Especially since you’re pulling the ‘who is in charge’ card. That’s the two of you!” Rhodey said. “You manage a lot of people and factions are not what the operation needs to function properly.” He stepped closer and continued, “It’s her isn’t it? Heard pregnancy test and that’s not hard to deduce why both of you would be concerned about that.”
Tony was scrolling through his phone, not answering Rhodey.
Irked, Rhodey pressed, “I don’t know why the two of you thought sharing was going to work out. You are both hardheaded, sons of—”
“Rhodey, if you’re going to continue nagging at me like an old lady, please just leave. I’m busy,” Tony interjected again, distracted still.
“No! You need to be open!” Rhodey shouted, finally fully catching Tony’s attention. Happy rose his brows in surprise at his boldness. “You two just almost plummeted each other.”
Tony ground his teeth, staring Rhodey down. Exhaling sharply, he finally said, “Fine. Yes. You’re right. Her. And you know, everything was going fine before Steve started having his martial problems. And he started playing fast and loose with Y/N’s safety. He brought her on a mission a couple of days ago – with Bucky and Sam, mind you, so they’re also on my shit list – using her as a pawn and she had no idea what was going on. He left her on a boat with Qian and Perez. Got her caught it the middle of the crossfire, so that was a fun clean up job for me.” That was shock to Rhodey and Happy, both of them caught off guard. “So, yeah, I’m a little fucking piqued, you could say. He’s spiraling because of things at home.” He paused for a beat before sighing, “And he was fucking with her birth control. So, hey, I might be a dad. Again. Even if I didn’t want that.”
Tony all but collapsed into his chair behind his desk, tossing his phone down on the desk. “I don’t know if I should move her. I told him to stay away, and he lured me away and snuck in there and took her. He has a key.”
Rhodey was silent for the first time in the conversation but Happy offered, “It might be for the best.” Tony turned his attention to him and Happy continued, “If you are really worried about it. Removing temptation… sometimes that is the best medicine.”
<><><>
“Let’s go,” Steve said shortly, coming into the locker room. He threw open his locker and reached inside for the freshly washed uniform.
“What the hell happened?” Sam demanded, seeing how disheveled Steve was. He was fresh out of the shower after having done an intense work out.
“Nothing. I’m gonna get suited up and start working. Are you going to join?”
“What do you mean ‘nothing’? Your chin is cut up and—”
Steve barked, shutting Sam up, “I said nothing happened, Sam!” He tossed his suit on the bench behind him and began working at the buttons on his three piece to get undressed.
Sam stood up, gripping at the towel around his waist, staring Steve down. He glared as Steve tossed his suit jacket onto the bench and ripped his tie off. Steve noticed his glare and his hands began to falter under the intensity until they slowly fell. His dress shirt was unbuttoned, and his belt undone.
Evenly, Sam asked, “What happened? What is going on?”
Steve sighed heavily, his hands coming to his hips, head hanging. He was quiet for a few moments, breathing deeply. His voice was quiet when he admitted, “Tony and I got into it. Badly. Right in his office. I… he pissed me off and I just saw red. He hit where he shouldn’t have and he did it on purpose to get a rise out of me. And I fell for it. Like a fucking idiot.” He rubbed at his face. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Take a step back.”
“It’s not as easy as that, Sam!”
“I mean from work. Take some time. You don’t need to throw yourself into this just to escape whatever is happening. Take a step back from work and focus on the shit in your personal life.”
Steve chewed on his lip before saying quietly, “You’re right.” He nodded this time and repeated, “You’re right. I… I need…”
Sam cut in, picking up his slack. “You need to do what’s best for you and your wife. That’s what’s important.”
Steve nodded again. Sam was not privy to his relationship with Y/N. All he knew was she was a prostitute that Steve visited sometimes. But he was right on one thing; he did want his relationship better with his wife. And right now, that was something that was going to be easier to control than his relationship with Y/N.
<><><>
Sitting at the table, eating lunch, you heard voices outside the hall coming closer and you put your fork down. The front door opened, and Tony walked in, followed by a handful of men. Luna booked it from her cat tower down the hallway towards the bedroom at the crowd. You stared at them confused as Tony was giving them directions about what to pack together. You spotted a few bringing in copious amounts of broken down moving boxes, carrying packing tape.
“Bedroom things first. That’s the most important. She needs somewhere to sleep obviously. The bed is easily broken down. The tools for it… I think are in the top drawer of the nightstand on the far side of the bed by the window. I made sure it would be nearby,” Tony was telling a few of them. He had failed to look or notice you at the table, sitting there bewildered. “I saw the cat run down there, so close the door when you go in. She’ll probably run into the closet if she’s under the bed. I just want her corralled and out of the way of everyone else. Do not – and I repeat, do NOT – let her out! We’ll get her into the cat carrier after everything is packed up. And you all are in charge of making sure that bed is ready to go at the new condo.”
New condo?
He turned towards a few more of them and said, “Start breaking down the living room.” To the last couple, he said, “The bathroom. Be sure to properly label everything.”
Tony finally laid eyes on you and walked over to the kitchen table, pulling out his cell phone. “How are you doing, love?”
“How am I… what is happening?” you inquired.
“You’re moving,” Tony informed you, texting.
The men were already setting to work, and you moved your gaze around the apartment in disbelief. Who were these guys and what in the actual fuck was going on?
“Why?” you asked confused.
“Because. I found somewhere better priced.”
“Where?”
“Carnegie Hill.”
That was his neighborhood. He had told you that before, to your immense surprise, giving away his home location. But he had – as you suspected – started trusting you more in recent months. Why was he moving you closer to his family? And especially in that neighborhood? Cheaper? You were hard pressed to believe that bald-faced lie.
“You found something cheaper there than this?” you asked him, completely disbelieving.
“Yep,” Tony told you curtly, still not looking up from his phone. “A nice condo. Nice dropped living room and dining room. Iron work looks great.” You were staring at him intensely as he clicked away on his phone. He felt the burn of your stare and looked up. “What?”
Exasperated you threw your hands out, “What… Tony! I’m just sitting here eating lunch and all these people are in here now and just packing up my stuff! And you’re telling me I’m moving!”
Tony exhaled sharply, tossing his phone onto the table as he pulled out a chair beside you and sat down. Leaning in close he said, “You’re moving closer to me. It’s easier.”
“Easier?”
“Better,” he offered.
“Why? So I can run into your wife into one of the coffee shops and she can maul my face there?”
Tony’s expression was hard, and you really could not give a shit less. You had already told him how you felt about being in close proximity with her.
“First off, Alessia does not go get her own coffee. She sends people for that, Or she has the maid make it for her in her French press. Hell would freeze over the day she was asked to stand in a line and agree to it,” Tony started out, his tone tight. “And secondly, only I will have a key to the place.”
Reality set in on what he was doing. He was leaving Steve out. Did Steve even know this was going on? The memory of Tony last night telling you that he loved you outright flashed through your mind. He had been furious when he had learned what Steve had done to you. A wedge had been driven between them at your expense.
“So, yes, easier. And better,” Tony clipped, leaning away from you again, keeping his gaze fixated on you for a few more moments before tearing it away. He picked up his phone again and unlocked it. “Finish your lunch. You don’t have to lift a finger for this. They’ve got it covered. All we gotta do is get Luna into a carrier. And that’ll be easy, right?”
You were at a loss for words. What if Steve came looking for you? How angry was he going to be when he realized that you were no longer here? And would he think it was you that had asked Tony to move you? You had so many questions.
Tony picked up your fork and held it out to you. “Eat, love. Just relax. I’ve got it covered.”
Timidly, you reached out and took the fork from him, and he visibly relaxed of the tension in his body. You stuck your fork into your rice and took a bite, watching the men working warily.
<><><>
Steve kissed up Cecile’s abdomen, his trail leading between her breasts and up to her lips. She smiled against his lips as he entered her slowly. They rocked together in tandem, coming down together. Steve held her close and whispered in her ear, “Let’s take a few days. You and me. Maine?”
“Seclusion is always nice,” Cecile told him, pecking him on the nose, causing Steve to smile.
“Right on the sea?” Steve questioned, holding her close, cognizant of her swollen abdomen.
Cecile traced his face and said, “You know what I like.”
“That I do,” Steve returned softly. He kissed her deep and relished in feeling like they were truly close again.
<><><>
You had just gotten out of the shower to wash the chlorine off of you. One of the perks of the new condo was the pool. You enjoyed doing laps and the hot tub afterward. Sitting in a robe, you picked up the remote and turned on the TV. Choosing a show, you unwrapped the popsicle you had taken out of the fridge.
The familiar sound of the key in the door echoed and you did not bother to move, knowing the only one who would be coming in was Tony. You had been here for a week and had finished rearranging all of your things in the new layout a couple days ago. Thankfully, Luna had adjusted and loved the window beds on the large windows, giving her access to watch out over the street.
He was dressed down – unusual for him. And he looked nervous, and you were on edge immediately just as you had been when he had looked that way sitting in the living room when you had come home from the gym.
“What?” you asked him reluctantly.
He said nothing. He held a bag out to you, and you stared at him for a moment before you opened it, peaking in.
Your stomach dropped, seeing another pregnancy test.
“Why are you making me do this? For real this time?” you asked him seriously.
He licked his lips and sat down stiffly on the opposite end of the couch. He was refusing to look at you, his elbows resting on his thighs, hands clasped. “I… you need to do it.”
“Why?” you pressed.
“Because. You… you might be pregnant.”
Shaking your head, you told him, “I already took a test. Less than two weeks ago!”
“Have you missed a period?”
“I rarely bleed,” you countered.
“That makes it even more important that you take the test then.”
“Why are you so concerned about this?”
Tony exhaled sharply, hanging his head. He was silent for a few moments, the suspension in the room thick. His voice was brittle, “You weren’t protected. For over a month. December and January, respectfully, between the two.”
You gaped at him. Stammering, you asked, “W-what are you talking about?”
He looked resistant to speak but he shook his head, “Steve.”
“Steve, what?” you asked dangerously.
“He told me at the beginning of January that he had been fucking around with your birth control. Giving you placebos.”
You felt like you had been kicked. Your fingers grasped tighter onto the paper back, it crinkling in your hand. The silence in the room was deafening; Tony refusing to look at you made it even worse.
If what he was saying was true, Steve had betrayed you beyond belief. You had thought his actions at the docks were the lowest he could go but apparently, he was determined to prove you wrong. And for what? To lock you down further?
“Why?” you rasped.
Tony shrugged, “I don’t know. Really. He… he’s having problems. At home, with his wife, I mean.”
“And? Getting me pregnant was going to solve that?”
“No,” Tony gave a dry laugh, shaking his head. “No, it wouldn’t have solved it. He’s… he’s not thinking straight. That has been made noticeably clear.”
“You knew?” you asked quietly. And he finally looked at you, shame etched into his features. “When you asked me to take the first test?”
His answer hit you like a ton of bricks. “Yeah, I did.”
“And you didn’t say anything?” you asked breathlessly.
“You… you were negative. And I was just going to let it rest and move on. No purpose of drawing up drama when it didn’t need to be drawn up.”
“I trusted you,” you half gasped, getting up from the couch.
Tony followed your movement, half stumbling around the opposite side of the couch to chase after you as you clutched the bag close to your chest. He quickly dove into excuses, “I mean it when I said I thought it should stay buried. As long as it was okay. To save you from that stress. And I thought Steve could get his head on straight. But then he went and proved me fucking wrong. So wrong. And that’s why I moved you. He doesn’t know where you are. I’m not going to let him around you. Not until he can prove he has himself set straight again. And if that never happens, then you don’t have to see him again!”
He sounded so desperate for you to forgive him, thank him for what he was doing.
Swallowing sharply, you put up a wall. Coldly, you told him, “I have to go do this.” You tapped the bag. “You know… something I didn’t want to have to do. Ever. But here I am forced again by controlling men to do shit against my will.”
Tony looked wounded by that, and you ignored it, turning on your heel, storming down the hallway. You gritted your teeth. You were going to do your damndest to not cry.
<><><>
It had been over ten minutes since Y/N had locked the bathroom door before he finally heard something.
Tony was leaning on the wall outside and he heard her stifle a sob. His eyes closed, exhaling deeply. He pushed away from the wall and his hand came to the door handle of the door, but he hesitated. His hand fell from the handle, deciding to give her space, and he walked away back towards the living room, his hand coming up to rub at his face, distressed.
Yes, it was going to be easier having her close by pregnant to watch over, he thought to himself.
Regardless of if it was his or not.
<><><>
Daryl or Eric were not in the lobby, causing Steve to frown. Were they upstairs? He got into the elevator, a bad feeling swirling in his gut.
He exited the elevator, holding the envelope to Y/N’s favorite local boutique close to him. He meant to just slide it underneath the door to avoid pissing Tony off even further but to still connect to her. Extend an olive branch and slowly apologize, getting himself back to her good graces.
He stopped though, seeing Terrence or Wylan were not there at the hallway’s end. Worry was beginning to seep in deep at the fact both sets of men were not where they were supposed to be.
Picking up his pace, Steve moved to her apartment door and his heart hammered seeing the keylock on her door instead of a deadbolt. That meant she had moved, and the apartment was empty.
His jaw set, fury burning its way through him.
Tony, that son of a bitch.
~~~
Forever tags: @coconutqueen21 @undecidedsworld
Fic tags: @icant-hangout-imdrumming @oceaniamaddness @multifandom-superlover @imsonick @holl2712 @here4thefanfics @agustdowney @fanofalltheficsx @buttercandy16 @last-saturday-night
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purpletaecup · 3 years
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10 ☾ he said that’s how he still remembers me
warnings: explicit language (cursing), mentions of miscarriage, mentions of infidelity (not rlly but on thin ice)
notes: you guys... this is a long one and it’s kind of fast paced, but we are finally getting some answers and the drama really begins! next chapter will be emotional, that’s all I know. I’m sorry for putting you through all this angst!! also, I wanted to bring some attention to the crisis in the Philippines right now with all of the dangerous typhoons. A lot of people need donations and rescuing, so HERE is a link to a twitter thread of donation drives! Please make sure to check it out, share and help spread awareness!
as always, come talk to me in my ask box! and if you want to be added to the taglist, please send an ask, or reply to this post or the masterlist!
not edited!! sorry if there are any mistakes lmfao i usually am sleep deprived when i write so yeah, there are probably some errors.
word count: 5,614
The days following Jungkook’s visit were dull, if anything. You’ve received texts from Yoongi saying that he couldn’t come visit until that weekend because he had to finish wrapping things up in advance at the company so that he could spend some time with you. You had argued over the phone like teenagers when you insisted that he didn’t need to do that and you could take care of yourself until Jin came back. Of course, that led to him ranting about what the doctor said about monitoring you and your symptoms for concussion and to get him to just shut up about the medical stuff (it made your brain hurt more than it did usually), you reluctantly agreed to his ‘visits’, as you’d rather call them.
[nov. 20, 2020]
It was Friday now and you still haven’t gotten any glimpse of actual memories back, although you have been having these strange dreams that you couldn’t really remember when you woke up. You could only describe the feeling it gave you as ‘sinking’, like you were drowning and you couldn’t escape. As much as possible, you tried not to think about these feelings, and focused more on trying to get to know the version of you who lived in this amazing apartment.
The past couple of days that you spent at this apartment put you in awe. It really was the apartment of your dreams, from the color of the furniture down to the little plants stuck in the corner of that tiny shelf in the kitchen. It was beautiful and so you. The only problem was that you couldn’t find anything to help with your current situation. You scoured every nook and cranny and couldn’t find anything dated after your wedding reception. No pictures, no post-its, notes or anything past that date. What you had found in your apartment, you already knew of (aside from the wedding photos). Past photoshoots, high school photos, a notebook full of movie ticket stubs. There was absolutely nothing in this apartment that gave you a clue to the life you lived during the four year gap in your memory.
You even tried to get into your twitter and instagram from when you were nineteen but you couldn’t log in. Wrong password every single time. When you tried to change your password for social media, the email you used had a different password too. You couldn’t figure out what you could have changed your password to. Every password combination you could think of, you tried, but none worked, so you decided to just skip that and maybe go over it later on. Or make a new one. That could work, too.
You couldn’t even look at your twitter account because for some reason, it was private and that seemed strange for someone with almost 130,000 followers. You could see your instagram account from your browser, but it wouldn’t let you see the pictures and posts in full size with the captions and comments, so you were really stuck.
A quick internet search of your name yielded things you already knew. Former model, current writer (that fact was still surprising to you). Old news articles of dating scandals that weren’t true, except for the one with Yoongi. More news articles about your divorce with no further information than what Yoongi had told you already.
It’s as if any clue about your life during your memory loss is unaccounted for. It seemed like at this point, you could only rely on other people telling you about your life and pray to whatever higher power there was to give you your memories back.
This futile search was beginning to make your stomach churn. You almost couldn’t suppress the bile rising up in your throat. Hopefully Jin would return soon. Maybe he could put all of the pieces back together for you.
Jungkook sat in on the uncomfortable leather couch in Yoongi’s office as he waited for the man to finish up whatever he was typing. He looked through his instagram feed and saw one of your posts from July. For a while, he was confused as to why this picture from July would end up on his feed, but he remembered the new instagram algorithm. Curious, he clicked on your profile and looked through it slowly. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually paid attention to your posts.
“I forgot to ask but what did you and Yn do at her apartment? She said you stayed over for a couple of hours.” Yoongi asked though his eyes never strayed from his paperwork.
Jungkook looked up at him and pondered on what to say.
“Hm, yeah. I got roped into staying. She asked a bunch of questions and we looked through her apartment and her photo albums. Her apartment’s cute, by the way. Way different from what your house looked like.” He comments.
“Really?”
“Yeah. It was bright. Lots of green. Nothing I’ve ever seen in the house you guys shared.”
“How was she when you picked her up? She told me a couple of things but I haven’t seen her yet so I can’t know if what she’s telling is the truth or not.”
It was quiet for a moment, with only the sound of turning pages filling the room, as Jungkook wondered what to say to this. He didn’t really know when to start with you, especially with how different you were acting.
“Well, she’s fine. The personality is definitely different. She seems a lot more outgoing, and she had a lot of questions but she didn’t push. I think she wants to try and figure things out on her own.” Jungkook replies as he continued to slowly look through your previous instagram posts.
“She’s been like that. She hates being a burden and gets really defensive about it sometimes.” Yoongi comments.
Jungkook pauses at your most recent post. He checks the date. September 22.
“When did you guys divorce again?” He asked.
At this, Yoongi looked up.
“The divorce was finalized on September 29, I think.” He answered, but looked questioningly at Jungkook as if to ask why.
“Did you know she was going to therapy?” Jungkook asked again.
Hearing this, Yoongi stood up abruptly and hurried over to where Jungkook was sitting.
“What? Where did you see that?” Yoongi asked as he looked over Jungkook’s shoulder.
Jungkook showed him the post. Yoongi took the phone from him and examined the post carefully.
It was a picture of clouds with text on it. Is this the life we really want? The caption read “as per the advice of my therapist, i’m just here to pop in and say that I’ll be going on a hiatus for a little bit”.
“What the fuck? I didn’t know this!” Yoongi yelled, evidently angry.
Jungkook looked at him confused. They were together for four years, how could he not know that you were at least going to therapy?
The same question was running through Yoongi’s head. He took a seat next to Jungkook to process this new information.
“Hyung, can I ask you a couple of questions?” Jungkook requested.
Yoongi could only nod.
“What was Yn like when you were together? Why did you marry her?” Those were the first questions that came out of Jungkook’s mouth.
He was truly, genuinely curious. Though he’s heard some things that Yoongi had said about you, he never knew the full story.
“We married each other because we loved each other. Wasn’t that obvious?” Yoongi retorted.
Jungkook pursed his lips at this. “Well that's what you tell everybody and yeah we get it, but considering the fact that I’ve barely seen you two together more than two handful of times in the past two years, I had to ask.”
“That’s because we were both busy, but that didn’t mean we didn’t spend time together. Of course you never saw it because you weren’t there and I’m not one to actively talk about my love life. Yn and I both liked our privacy.”
“Okay, then what was she like when you were together?”
Yoongi was quiet for a while. There were a lot of things he could say about you when you were together. He just didn’t know how to articulate it to Jungkook.
“When we were together… she was charismatic, beautiful and intelligent. Something about the way she communicated made you feel like you could forget about all of your worries and live life to its extent with her. She constantly dragged me out to picnics and made me forget about the business and my career. She made me feel young again. And she had so much love and care for people around her. For a long time, I felt like I would never be deserving of her. She was kind of like a sunflower. Or sunshine, you know what I mean?” Yoongi poured out.
Jungkook nodded. He realized that this was the time to try to figure out what happened to you in your marriage. From his conversation with you at your apartment, to the description of you that Yoongi had just given, he surmised that the version of you that he knew was someone different and he could only wonder if Yoongi saw it too.
“Did you ever feel like she changed? In the time you guys were together?” He probed.
Yoongi thought about it for a while.
“Yeah, I think so. I always found it strange that she decided to quit modelling.  When I met her, she said it was all she ever wanted. I never asked because it seemed like a sensitive topic to her, but I supported her regardless. Writing seemed so out of nowhere for her. I don’t know where it came from. Then she stopped wanting to go to business dinners and events with me and after that we just drifted. And in between that, you introduced me to Yura.”
When Yoongi mentioned Yura, Jungkook winced. He had thought about it some nights ago, but he realized that he might have had a hand in your divorce by introducing Yura to Yoongi. Though he knows Yoongi would have never physically cheated on you, he could see how Yoongi and Yura gravitated towards each other. Jungkook had to admit that Yura was a sweet girl. She was beautiful, and when she smiled it was like sunshine.
Yoongi interrupted his train of thought. “Yura is kind of a complicated subject to our marriage. I would never, ever cheat on someone I loved. And I loved Yn, so much. When you introduced Yura to me, I was happy to meet a new friend and that’s all I saw, but the more you made me hang out with you guys, the more I started to see something in her that I stopped seeing in Yn. I never meant to have any sort of romantic feelings for Yura, but it happened and I feel so fucking shitty for doing that to Yn when I’m the one who promised her a lifetime together.”
Jungkook straightened his posture as Yoongi’s confession.
“Wait, what do you mean by that?” He asked.
“By what?” Yoongi looked at him confused.
“What happened to Yn that pushed you to Yura?”
At this, Yoongi scratched his head.
“I wouldn’t say that it pushed me to Yura, but remember when I said Yn and I started getting distant? As time went on, I felt like she changed and I didn’t know who she was. She used to be so bubbly and happy and always wanting to go look at flowers, but towards the end of our marriage, she stayed holed up in our room no matter how much I asked her to spend time with me. Yura, she was happy to spend time with me. She made me feel like I could forget about everything just by talking to me.”
“Yura made you feel like how Yn used to make you feel?” Jungkook cut him off.
“Well… I guess so.”
Jungkook thought about this for a while but narrowed his eyes at his hyung.
“Hyung, answer this truthfully; do you love Yura?”
The tips of Yoongi’s ears turned red after hearing this.
“Love? I don’t know. I like her? I like the way she makes me feel. She’s beautiful and smart and she makes me happy.”
“Hyung, I don’t know if you realize this, but the way you described Yura is exactly the same way you described Yn.”
“What do you mean?”
“It sounds like you started liking Yura because she reminded you of Yn when you met her. So, do you really, truly like Yura? Or do you just like her because she reminds you of what you don’t have anymore?”
Yoongi lowered his head.
“I-I don’t know. I never thought of it like that.”
Jungkook put his hand on Yoongi’s back to comfort him. Obviously, the man was confused.
“I don’t know if this helps, but I just wanted to let you know that whenever I saw Yn, during those dinners or events, she never gave off the vibe that you described her to be. To me, she was quiet, reserved and never bothered trying to get to know us, your friends, or your business. That’s what she came off as. When you told us that you loved each other and that you eloped, I thought you were joking. When I saw her, she just seemed like the typical trophy wife. Just for show. I never liked her and wondered what you saw in her all the fucking time, but now after hearing this, and after being with her for a couple of hours, it’s obvious that something happened that fucked her up and then fucked your marriage up.” Jungkook ranted.
“I think you might need to reevaluate the relationship you had with Yn so we could help her recover from this whole amnesia thing and hopefully figure out what happened. Something definitely happened, but since I don’t know your marriage like you do, I don't know what it is. I feel guilty now after realizing that I might have had a hand in whatever the fuck she was going through. And maybe figure out what you’re going to do about Yura. Can you keep dating her when your feelings for her are based off of your feelings for your ex-wife, who is currently pregnant with your wife and doesn’t know about it?” He continued.
Yoongi took a deep breath, taking all of this conversation in.
“Yeah, you’re right. I’m almost done with the shit here at the company. When I go home, I’ll sort everything out and talk to Yn and Yura tomorrow. I don’t think I can keep seeing Yura with the current situation. I have to tell Yn about the pregnancy as soon as possible, but I’m scared because the doctor told me to monitor for residual symptoms for her concussion. I don’t even know where to begin with the situation.”
“It’s okay, hyung. I’m here for you. You have to tell her about the pregnancy before she finds out herself. In the meantime, I’ll help you out when you can’t take care of her. I already feel shitty enough for how I acted with her when you two were married. I feel like I had the wrong impression this whole time.” Jungkook offered.
Yoongi remembered the moment earlier when Jungkook confessed that he never liked you and that baffled him because he thought that you two, of all people, would get along well together. More often than not, he would feel jealous of Jungkook, who had your admiration when you first started dating. He remembered you always asking him to introduce you to Jungkook and it took a year for him to budge and actually make it happen.
“I’m sure you’ll get along now. I always thought you did get along. Did you know she liked you before?” Yoongi asked.
Jungkook shook his head. “I didn’t know until the other day when you had me take her home. It probably would have helped if you told me she knew who I was before you introduced us after you got together. She never acted like she was a fan of my music and admittedly, I was a dick to her.”
Yoongi glared at him. It was a first for him to hear about how Jungkook treated his ex-wife.
“Well, you should feel shitty because she really liked you and your music. For a while, I thought she liked you more than me. If I had known you were an asshole to her, I probably would have ripped you a new one. Hearing you admit you treated her like shit makes me feel like shit because I never knew and just assumed you guys were good with each other. You didn’t do or say anything bad to her, right? You’re not that type of person.”
Jungkook could only pretend to smile at Yoongi as he asked this.
He shook his head and lied. “No, never.”
Lying through his teeth to his best friend about how he treated you made his heart fall to his stomach. Well, Yoongi didn’t have to know because it was in the past. You couldn’t remember any of the mean things he’d said to you, so now was the perfect time to make a new, much better impression of himself to you. He decided days ago that he would be better, because deep down, he knew that you didn’t deserve to be treated like how he treated you.
[nov. 21, 2020]
Yoongi had taken the day off after his somewhat enlightening conversation with Jungkook last night. He decided that he needed to go see you and spend some time with you today, but before that, he needed to settle things with Yura.
They decided to meet up at his apartment for maximum privacy, just in case anything happened. He wanted to account for the worst case scenario of Yura probably getting angry and throwing things around, but he doesn’t think she’s the type of person to do dramatic things like that.
Turns out, she’s not. When he reluctantly tells her that he can’t continue on with what they had because of residual feelings for you, in addition to the fact that there were complications in that relationship that he can’t speak about carelessly, she had reacted calmly and amicably. Though Yoongi hadn’t expected her to throw a tantrum, he was expecting some kind of anger, but all he got was a sad look passing on her face followed by comforting words.
He apologized profusely for having dragged her around when he still had apparent feelings for his ex-wife and not figuring out his feelings for her, or lack thereof, sooner. She reassured him that it was okay and she’ll be fine.
“I’ll be fine Yoongi. I liked you, but it’s pretty obvious that you used me as some kind of rebound or replacement for your ex-wife, and I was okay with it. Truthfully, I was waiting for you to just come clean and break it off with me. I hope you and Yn figure things out this time, and I hope you can talk to her. Communication is important.” She reminds him before she leaves, but not before letting him know that she would always be there for him as a friend.
He had texted her after she left, and after a couple of minutes to himself, that he was thankful for her being so nice about the situation and all in all, he didn’t regret whatever short-lived affection they had for each other.
Yoongi still couldn’t believe how smoothly everything with Yura went. He hoped that the rest of the day would be the same.
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You woke up to a message from Jungkook asking if you were free, so you had to tidy up the apartment and yourself because you didn’t want to look messy in front of someone you had idolized for a long time.
Luckily enough, you didn’t have to cook since Jungkook offered to bring food. You thank your lucky stars for that because for some reason, you’ve been feeling incredibly sluggish and nauseous. It was probably some symptoms of the concussion you suffered. You remembered your doctor saying something about that the last time you were at the hospital.
About 20 minutes later, you heard your doorbell ring so practically skip to the door, excited to see Jungkook and steal the food that he brought.
You opened the door to see Jungkook standing there with a big back of food in his hands. He was wearing all black, with a leather jacket that looked a tad too big on him.
“You look warm.” You comment.
He rolled his eyes. “Are you gonna invite me in or not? I even brought you food.”
You laugh a little and move to the side to give him room to step inside the apartment.
“So, what have you been doing?” He asks as he makes his way to your dining room to put the food down.
You make your way to the kitchen to get some plates for the both of you.
“Nothing. I’ve been trying to look for some stuff but I don’t know where to start so I just gave up until you or Yoongi could come help.” You reply as you move to the dining room to set the plates down.
Jungkook takes the food out and puts some on the plates. Kimbap, like you asked, and some seaweed soup.
“How have you been feeling? Okay?” He questioned.
You nodded, though hesitantly.
“Eh, I’ve been feeling kind of tired. I think I might be sick because I keep wanting to vomit. Is that my wintermelon tea, by the way?” You pointed to the drink in his hand.
Jungkook poked the straw through the lid and handed it to you.
“Sick? Did you take any medicine? Are you feeling better now?”
You took a sip of your tea and sighed, missing the sweet taste of the drink. It felt nostalgic.
“Mhm, took some earlier and I'm feeling much better thanks to the food you brought!” You smiled.
Jungkook rolled his eyes jokingly once again. “You’re welcome, by the way.”
He didn’t think about your illness any further. It was probably a cold and nothing else.
For about 20 minutes, the two of you ate and spoke about little things, mostly about Jungkook and his career. It helped you get to know him a little bit better since he’s the only person besides Yoongi who could help you in your situation until Jin comes back.
After you finished eating, you told him that you needed his help going through your room in case there was anything that could jog your memory.
“I would ask Yoongi but he’s been busy lately.”
“So I’m just your last resort?”
“You’re literally the only other person in my contact list besides Yoongi and Jin.”
“Right, anyways, lead the way!” He exclaimed.
You laughed as you led him to the room at the end of the hallway.
“Sorry if it’s a little messy, I didn’t have that much time to clean up before you got here!” You explained.
Jungkook shook his head, telling you it didn’t really matter since it was gonna be a mess anyways while you two went through your things.
When Jungkook walked into your room, he was once again hit with the feeling that he had no fucking clue who you were in the past years he’d known you. If he could describe your room in one word, it would be enchanting. White walls, white sheets adorn with a baby blue blanket, wooden floors, giant plants and a mirror much bigger than himself. Your desk was filled with different kinds of pens, different notebooks that look to have been trifled through, and an unnatural amount of books and crystals.
From the looks of the rest of your house, he probably shouldn’t be surprised at your bedroom, but it’s still a bit difficult for him to wrap his mind around the fact that you were this type of person. Bright, intelligent, and incredibly neat.
He walked up to your desk and picked up the different notebooks laid out messily on the table. When he opened each of them, he noticed that they were mostly blank, with the exception of a few doodles. There were some things he’d recognized as lyrics from songs he knew, but nothing truly relevant to the memories you lost.
You stood next to Jungkook and looked at the notebooks in his hands.
“I went through those already. Nothing but a few sad lyrics here and there. None of them triggered any memories.” You mentioned.
Jungkook put them down and started walking around the room with you as you talked about what you did find during the days that you were left alone. What he got from that conversation was that you had no luck with anything and that’s why you waited until either he or Yoongi could come over and help you. Jungkook knew that Yoongi was coming over later, so if he couldn’t help you find anything or answer any of your questions today, then maybe Yoongi could.
“Oh! I forgot to mention that I can’t even access any of my social media, so do you think I can look through my instagram through your phone? I mean, if that’s okay with you. I know some people feel uncomfortable giving their phone to someone else to play around with.” You asked.
Jungkook shook his head and stuck his hand in his pant pocket, reaching for his phone.
“It’s fine, you can look at your profile, I think I follow you. The password is 061313.” He stated as he handed his phone over to you.
You grabbed it excitedly, finally getting the chance to see what your life was like during the four years that were missing from your memory. You fell back onto your bed as you unlocked Jungkook’s phone and clicked on his instagram app quickly.
You took a look at his profile first, staring in awe at the pictures he’s posted. Most of his pictures are very dark and he had quite a few selfies. You smiled a little bit as you admitted in your head that he was indeed handsome.
Okay, Yn, onto the more important things! You thought to yourself as you quickly searched your username ‘faeyn’ on the search bar. At first you were excited, but it deflated when you saw just how many posts you had. 13 posts. And almost all of them were just landscapes. Some had pictures of you by yourself, or with Jin, but that was it. How the fuck were you supposed to try to figure out your life through 13 pictures?
Scrolling through each picture and their captions from the oldest to newest, you quickly realized that you must have decided that privacy was something that should be valued. There was nothing of substance to your situation in the captions you’d written. Just casual mentions of how your day was, or what you did that day. The only thing that caught your eye was the latest post you had, dated September 22. It was a picture of clouds and the caption said something about your therapist advising you to take a break, so you were going to be on a social media cleanse for a while.
Well, at least you learned one thing. Apparently, you started going to therapy again. For what? You don’t know. You only remembered going to therapy a couple of times after the whole incident with your bastard ex-boyfriend.
You filed this little detail into your brain and hoped that maybe it would make more sense later on. Swiping up on Jungkook’s phone took you to his home screen, but you paused for a little. Maybe you could snoop through some more apps and see if there was anything else you can find.
No, that would be an invasion of Jungkook’s privacy, you thought. Another part of you argued that he wasn’t going to know and he’s here to help you. If there was anything worth hiding, he wouldn’t have given you his phone and his password so easily. And if there was anything, it wouldn’t be incriminating since he mentioned that you two didn’t really know each other that well, so you shrugged and clicked on his messages.
I’ll just see if there are any messages to me. I won’t look at anything else, you justified, as if it made it any better.
After scrolling for a little while, you finally saw something worthwhile. A text convo between you and Jungkook and from the preview of the message, it looks like it was from the middle of September. You opened it, excited to see the contents, but what you saw made you furrow your brows.
What is this?
After Jungkook gave you his phone, he continued walking around your room until he got to the side of your bed that was next to the window. He looked around for a bit and saw something in the corner of his eyes. Crouching down lower, he saw something on the floor behind your headboard. He couldn’t tell what it was at first, but as soon as he moved closer, he realized it was a thick notebook. Jungkook surmises that you probably hadn’t seen it despite telling him that you looked ‘everywhere’. He took the notebook and sat down on the floor, completely hiding his figure, but not before he could look at you. He wanted to see what was in the notebook before he showed it to you, and luckily enough, you had been facing away from him.
So he sat down and opened the notebook. From just the first page, he could tell it was some kind of diary or journal. There were lots of drawings and stickers and a picture of you in a field of flowers right in the middle of the first page. He flipped through the whole notebook really quickly and found that half of it was already filled.
A part of him wanted to read through the whole thing and see what kind of things you wrote, but another part told him that it wasn’t appropriate. Despite that, he convinced himself that he should read maybe just one entry, just to see if this notebook was something substantial to your current situation.
Jungkook took a peek at you again and noticed you still had your back turned to him so he took that as a sign that he could probably get away with reading an entry. He flipped to a page randomly and focused his eyes on the writing.
The entry was dated August 4, 2020. Fairly recent. He noticed that there were some dark blotches on the paper that made the ink bleed.
He began to read the entry, not knowing what he was going to find out.
It still seems weird to be writing about my problems in a journal. I’m still not used to it, but it’s been helpful since I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this.
That made him frown.
I went to my OBGYN today because I’ve been having severe cramps and bleeding, but I already had my period so I was worried. And the cramps were starting to really hurt, so I had to go get it checked out just in case. Well, apparently I was pregnant and lost the baby.
Jungkook’s eyes widened and he gasped audibly. Luckily enough, it wasn’t loud enough for you to notice. He clasped his hand over his mouth at the disbelief in reading this information. A miscarriage? And so recent, too. He didn’t know how to feel. Yoongi had never said anything about this.
Jin actually just left my house a couple of hours ago. I don’t think the news hit me until now. I texted Yoongi earlier to tell him but he was busy so I think that was a sign that I should probably not tell him. It’s not like it matters right? Since the baby was gone anyways.
I know my therapist told me to stop with the negative self-talk, but it’s moments like this that really push me to just keep thinking I’ll never be good enough for the men that I love. Thanks to my bastard ex for fucking my mind up like this. No matter how hard I try, I always just circle back to the fact that I wasn’t good enough for him, and that I’m not good enough for Yoongi. Even fate is telling me that I’m not good enough to carry a child with the man I love. How fucked up is that?
Jungkook’s heart dropped to his stomach. He felt sick. There were so many things going through his head right now. He felt like he was violating something that was so private. Yoongi didn’t even know that you went through this. You didn’t even know you went through this. He shut the journal quickly, wiping the tears that formed in his eyes.
At that exact moment, he heard your heavy breathing and quickly got up to check on you. He walked around to your side of the bed and found you trembling with his phone in your hands. He noticed that his messages were open and he began to panic.
“What the fuck is this?” was the last thing he heard you say before your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you fell limp into your bed.
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rhaenyratargeryn · 3 years
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Title: Continuously, Without Interruption Rating: 🍋 Pairing: Takemura x female!V Summary: AU pwp fic where Takemura and V stick together after the events of the main story mission “Search and Destroy”. 
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The motel was barely more than four walls and a dirty mattress, paint peeling off in stained chips and carpet reeking of cigarettes and booze and the faintest hint of mildew. It wasn’t preem, but when had anything in her life been?
Luxury it was not, but safe? She would take safe, especially with her arms half full with a teetering, bleeding former Arasaka bodyguard. She went for the light switch, forgetting herself, but his hand caught hers and through labored breaths he said, “No lights.”
Takemura’s voice was always low, a rumble of thunder… but in pain, it was harsher, like gravel and sandpaper. V nodded in the dim light and helped him to lean against a far wall as she fumbled around in the darkroom. She found three half melted candles and a nearly empty lighter, but it would serve well enough to give them some kind of light in the motel bathroom. What first aid supplies she’d managed to scrounge from the hotel staff were in a box that looked older than her, but last she knew, bandages didn’t expire, and even if they did, they needed them. And most importantly, V had bought a half empty bottle of vodka from a drifter hanging outside room 102.. A true medical necessity.
Takemura had been grazed by at least a bullet, that much V was certain. The older man tilted his head back against the wall he leaned against while V hurried throughout the room, bracing himself as he took in shallow, but even breaths. 
“C’mon, gotta see what we’re dealing with…”
“You ripperdoc now?” Takemura asked, repressing a dry chuckle that surely caused him pain by the way his shoulders flinched.
“Yep, step right into my office.” V said, letting him lean on her as they stumbled into the small bathroom. She shut the door, running a finger along the seam to make sure it would stay light tight. V picked up one candle and after a few flicks, managed to get a light from the lighter. The room was soon lit in a soft glow, completely unfitting for the task at hand.
Takemura’s eyes moved around the room as he sat on the edge of the tub.
“Your medical facilities are not to code.”
It was a joke, but he said it with such damn seriousness that V felt the laugh punch out of her, sharp and breathy.
“Well, ya know how it is. Cut backs.”
“Ah, I see.”
Carefully, Takemura unfurled his arm from where he clutched at his side. The bleeding had slowed, oozing sluggishly now only when he moved too much. Takemura’s fingers curled around the bottom of his shirt, tugging it free from where it tucked into his trousers. The white material was stained with dark spots, nearly black in the candlelight. 
“Let me help.” V said, automatic, thoughtless. She came to stand between his knees, fingers undoing the buttons of his shirt. Her hands still trembled slightly, the rush from the firefight and the pain of a couple dozen bruises doing their work. She had seen the chrome work at his throat and was unsurprised to see it continue on, flaring out over his shoulders like veins. The rest of him though was ganic, smooth skin over hard, toned muscle. 
Takemura only winced once when she peeled the fabric, tacky with blood, away from where it stuck to his left side. She knelt down, noting the blood had seeped out from the back of his shirt too.
“Fuck.”
“Indeed.”
“Well… you are gonna have one hell of a scar. How the hell were you even walkin’?”
“Had one injector. Used it after that shot.”
“Good thinkin’.”
V set the kit on Takemura’s thigh, using him as a makeshift table as she picked through the contents. There was no MaxDoc or Bounce Back, but it helped Takemura already had one dose. It would boost his own body's healing process for a good enough while… the graze looked nasty, but the bleeding had stopped. The only thing threatening to kill the old koger now was a staph infection— and given their surroundings, it was probably best to wrap him up.
With a gruff sound, he tugged his shoulder free of his sleeve, removing the soot and blood streaked shirt and discarding it on the floor. No doubt this room had seen worse.
V unscrewed the top of the vodka bottle off with one finger and then casually flicked it off, the metal clanging across the tile. She offered it to Takemura, “Anesthetic?”
He wrinkled his nose. V shrugged, took a drink herself and then, without warning, spilled a generous amount over his wound.
Takemura swore, loudly.
“Shoulda taken the anesthesia.” 
“...わるガキ.”
V’s cyberware helpfully provided a translation: Brat.
There was almost a hint of fondness in the word even, V thought for a moment. Just a little. And judging by the way he hid a smirk that was threatening to overcome the tightness of his expression, maybe she was right.
Maybe it was the blood loss, or the near death experience, or failing to convince his last chance at finding revenge for his employer— but Takemura took the bottle from her then and drank deeply.
“Wow. Didn’t know you had it in you.”
“You going to be doctor or comedian?” he said, taking another shorter drink as V fished through the first aid kit and pulled out a few large gauze pads. She tore the wrappers free, packing two against the wound just in case.
“Hold please, nurse.”
Takemura growled, but did as directed, setting down the bottle to help hold the bandage in place as V used the gauze roll to wrap it tightly against him. Half way done, V realized… she had never been this close to Takemura before. His body was like a furnace, overstimulated and heightened from pain and the lingering effects of adrenaline. Beneath the smell of smoke and copper V almost thought she caught the scent of cedar… of faint pepper and incense.
V finished tacking the wrappings on, using her palm to smooth over the gauze to make sure it wouldn’t come off easy. Her fingertips ghosted against his skin and she felt the muscles of his abdomen clench, a tiny, nearly undetectable shudder going out across his skin.
Her eyes lifted to his, a smirk already spreading across her lips. Takemura was doing his best not to notice, picking up the vodka bottle and swishing the contents around.
“Takemura Goro. Elite Arasaka soldier, top of the class… and ticklish.”
“Should have separated. It is not safe for us to be together.” Takemura grumbled, pointedly ignoring the statement.
“Didn’t leave you then, not gonna start now.” V said, voice a murmur as she moved to flip the first aid kit closed, sliding back away from his space. A firm hand stopped her.
“You are bleeding.”
V looked up as Takemura let go, gesturing to his own temple. V touched the same spot on her forehead and pulled her hand back to see the smudge of sticky thickened blood. The swipe of her touch had been enough to break the clot back open, a droplet of fresh warm blood pooling up and dropping down her face.
“Didn’t even notice…” V said with a hiss, the sharp pain now registering. Takemura nodded and offered her the bottle.
“Anesthesia.” 
V huffed a laugh, taking him up on the offer as she knew well enough what Takemura was going to do next. She took one quick shot and held the burning liquid in her mouth, swallowing the moment Takemura splashed the alcohol unto her temple.
“Hold please, nurse.” he said, handing her the bottle and trying to ignore the positively shit eating grin of approval she wore at her own barb returned. V handed off a large adhesive bandage to him, the kind a kid might put on a scraped knee. She was surprised how gentle his hands were, brushing aside her hair as he meticulously checked where to best place the bandage before he ripped off the thin paper on the back and settled it in place.
V’s fingers twitched, itching to hold a smoke between them. The impulse born, like most weird shit in her life recently, from Johnny. She settled on rubbing her thumb across the inside of her forefinger and middle finger, staring at nothing as silence settled over the pair of them.
It wasn’t a tense silence. It wasn’t even grave, though given their current situation such a silence would be warranted. It was… comfortable. Or just plain tired.
When he was finished, Takemura rested his right arm on his thigh, taking care not to bend too far on his injured side. He let his head bow forward, his shoulders going lax.
“... I had thought tonight... I was to face my death.” his words were slow, cautious— no. Careful.
“You had no reason to come back for me.”
“Bullshit.” V said, the word falling like an exhale. 
He tilted his head up, eyes half lidded as he met hers, looking up at him now from where she knelt. Something in V’s chest ached. A pang, sharp and sweet and good. It arched it’s way from her heart to her stomach just from the way he looked at her.
She sat up a little taller, movements going still again when his hand came up to rest against the side of her neck, holding her steady. His thumb traced a circle against the space behind her ear and V felt as if the very blood in her body had paused, her breath shorting out on an inhale. The smell of him, the heat of him… it all came crashing back into V’s perception until she all but heard Johnny groaning with exasperation in her head.
Takemura didn’t do anything, didn’t say anything and that silence gave V the boldness she needed to close the hairbreadth of distance between them and touch her lips to his. It was soft, chaste in it’s hesitance and briefness. Takemura did not kiss her back.
V pulled back, eyes fixed over his shoulder on the far wall, anything not to see his face right then. The silence stretched on until V felt she would be crushed beneath it, words forming in the back of her throat, but dying before they could reach the tip of her tongue.
Then Takemura’s other hand came up and he held her face in both his hands, firmly directing her to face him. She looked at his lips, at his jaw, anything but his eyes.
“Look at me.”
His words translated in her mind from Japanese, the change in language startling her enough into obeying him. V didn’t have to look long, because within a moment his mouth was on hers, urgent and demanding. It took a moment for V to take control of the spinning in her head, but when she did she carefully settled her hands on top of his thighs, fingers curling slightly as she slid her palms up over the fabric of his trousers until she could wrap her arms high around his middle, above the bandages. She was content to let him cradle her jaw in his hands, holding her fast as if he feared she would spring away, vanishing into smoke.
V made a small sound, soft and needy, her mouth opening at the same time as Takemura. A shudder coursed its way up and down her arms when he made a sound, rumbled and deep in his throat and then caught her bottom lip, letting his teeth press against it.
She let her nails run a slow path across his shoulder blades, tension dropping from her arms as she sunk against him. They were both ravenous for touch unmarred by violence. By pain. When was the last time she had embraced someone other than to silently subdue them? When had he? In the grand scheme of things, Takemura had been starving for longer.
Her legs were unsteady, even with him helping to set her up on her feet. They stood together, breaking their contact only when absolutely required. If his mouth was not on hers, it was on her throat, her shoulder— bared now as he pulled and tugged her shirt collar aside, desperate to feel the soft warmth of her against his skin.
V shucked off her jacket, walking backwards as Takemura pressed forward, stalking her as surely as he did his prey with eyes darkened with artificial pupils blown wide. It was his hands that pulled off her tank top, throwing it away carelessly. V gave a nervous chuckle when those same hands gripped against her lower back and forced her up hard against his chest.
The soft swell of her breast pressed firmly against his skin, the shared heat positively searing as they stumbled out of the bathroom and unto the creaking worn motel mattress.
This was stupid. Irrational. Dangerous. They needed to be on guard, to be vigilant. Arasaka was still hunting them and yet V was certain Yorniubu himself could bust through that door and Takemura would not untangle himself to kill him until he had had his fill of her.
V fumbled with his belt, Takemura’s hand coming between them to catch her wrist, stopping the movement.
“You are sure?” he managed, his voice breathless and ragged. Falling into his mother tongue was something he did when he was overwhelmed, it would seem.
V’s answer was to settle her weight back onto her shoulders and press her hips up against him in a slow, enticing roll.
“はい.” 
Takemura needed no further convincing. 
He kissed her again, thoroughly and practiced, taking her other wrist in his hand and holding them down above her head. V’s last coherent thought was to wonder where he had found time to learn, but those thoughts scattered apart like a bullet through glass when he drew his mouth down her jaw and she felt the rough scrape of his beard between her breasts.
He pace was so slow. So agonizingly slow. Placing open mouth kisses against her breastbone as if he were a man with all the time in the world. 
“Oh— so suddenly that graze doesn’t bother you? Made me drag you halfway—“
V’s voice broke off with a surprised yelp as Takemura bit her nipple, a gruff sound of disapproval in his throat at her monologuing. The slight painful tug was all but forgotten when he rolled the same tightened peak with his tongue. 
V was quiet then, except for a soft panting as he went back to his own easy pace. 
“Goro…” his name came out unbidden when he switched to her other breast, a soft laugh sending hot breath over her skin.
“Better.” 
Smug bastard. V wiggled beneath him, one hand coming free of Takemura’s grip because he let her. That fact only made her tangle her fingers even more roughly at the nape of his neck, drawing strands loose as she tugged him demanding upwards.
She could feel the smirk against his lips when she kissed him, fiercely and sharply as she bit him back.
“Why hurry?” Takemura said, in English this time, his voice a low murmur.
“Cause when Arasaka busts that door in, I’d rather die having been well fucked.”
“You will.”
God, if a voice alone could make her cum those two words would have done it. That sharp pang hit right to her core again, making her want to press her thighs together and spread them open at the same time. 
“‘Fast is slow, but continuously, without interruption.’”
For once his quoting made some goddamn sense to her. It also helped he was using his now unoccupied hand to unfasten her jeans, sitting up to pull them off her legs.
He seemed to consider for a moment, the pause making V groan in impatience and then protest when Takemura pulled back and slipped off the foot of the bed. He took off his belt and the rest of his clothes before he kneeled onto the floor.
V was rising up on her forearms to get a better look at just what the hell he was doing— that was, until his hands slipped beneath her calves and pulled her to the edge of the mattress. He guided her legs over his shoulders and without warning, licked that same trail he had over her breast up the length of her slit.
V’s hips bucked, but Takemura was ready for that too, folding his arms across her middle and keeping her held in place as he bowed his head between her thighs and utterly devoured her.
There was a joke to be made here, V was certain, given Takemura’s picky “tastes'”— but every time his tongue traced a new pattern over her labia the joke short circuited.
Even Johnny, tucked away inside her head, was silent now. 
Takemura alternated at a whim, but his pace stayed slow… deliberate. Savoring. His beard tickled against the inside of V’s thighs. She fisted the motel sheets so tightly in her hand the damn thing pulled off the corners.
He only stopped once, forgetting himself and trying to force her thigh up higher and wider and managing to pull at his wound as he raised his arm. V reached down to touch him, to brush her hand through his hair and draw her thumb over his cheek.
“You okay?”
Takemura sat up, the dazed look that had settled in his eyes since they began clearing. He pressed a kiss against her knee as he let her legs slide off his shoulders, climbing back into the bed and moved to hover over her.
“Goro? Are you okay?” She asked again, worriedly touching the gauze tape and making sure he wasn’t bleeding through.
“... I am fine.” he said at last, the words soft and almost.. awed? As if he had never said them before. V searched his expression, holding his face between her hands and feeling something in her heart strain when he shut his eyes and leaned into the touch.
“Come here.” He said, though it was him who snaked his arms beneath her lower back and brought her core up flushing against his hips. 
She could feel him. Feel the length of him rested against her mound, feel the slight movement of his hips as he rubbed faintly against her.
She laid back, her hips elevated and secure in his arms. Takemura was back in his head again, eyes heavy and meditative for a lingering moment before he shifted his hips back enough to slip his head up against her and then slowly began to press into the silky wetness between her legs.
A deep deliberate breath exhaled from his lungs as V barely managed to keep herself from rolling and bucking beneath him.
No matter how many times she did it, that initial slow stretch brought with it the most intense feelings of fullness. Takemura was so poised, so controlled… V envied him in that moment and hated him for it in the best possible way. She wanted it fast and rough— pleasure easy and quick. Takemura though, clearly was more inclined to relish each and every motion.
The act felt… intimate. Too intimate. Takemura’s focus was pinpointed, every touch, every dragged out pull of his shaft inside her and then the gentle push back within her heat was done with such steady intent.
V felt almost god damn shy. The attention. The intensity. It was good, it was amazing,  but at the same time some part of her felt like it was on the verge of shattering… and the last thing she was going to fuckin’ do was cry during sex.
But fuck— when was the last time she felt safe? When was the last time she felt held? Takemura gently stroked his hand up across her stomach, over the valley of her breasts and back again, his eyes fixed on not just her but himself touching her.
V made sure not to wrap her leg around his injured waist, but squeezed at him hard with her other, trying to pull him in. To edge him on.
“Faster…?” She breathed, adding a raised lift at the end of her words. Questioning. Asking.
Takemura only nodded, returning his grip around her lower back. The position made it nearly impossible to give anything but deep, shallow thrusts, but V was not complaining. The quickened pace was giving her the friction she needed, the press of his pelvis against her clit, the edge of his head sometimes finding that spot deeper in that sent sparks through her body.
It gave her more than her own pleasure too. It was giving her his. He had been so quiet, purposeful and diligent.. and now his brow furrowed and his breath came sharper. His skin flushed hot and red where he was organic and untouched by chrome or cyberware. V bore down around him, clutching at his shaft when he pulled back and grinned when his hips suddenly snapped back forward. A rough groan slipped from his lips, a curse following when she rolled her hips forward and began to rather enthusiastically fuck him back.
He wasn’t shocked, but pleasantly surprised would have been an accurate term. As a man who lived to serve, it only made sense he wouldn't expect to receive.
“Pull me up.” 
V demanded, rising up on her forearms and then her hands until Takemura had no choice but to slip his hold up higher along her back and pull her up, sitting into his lap.
V grinned wickedly and saw the exact moment Takemura realized his mistake.
She rose her hips and thrust down, hands running from his chest up his neck and then back down to grip hard to his shoulders as she rode him.
“Oh... fuck—“
And that was the only word V managed to make sense of before Takemura slurred into half incomprehensible Japanese. She didn’t need her cyberware to translate that.
One solid push was all it took to have him flat on his back, her hands running up and down his chest as she took control.
He hissed once, grabbing hard at her thigh to move it away from his wound, but after that? The only word she understood from him beneath the rest was yes.
When she came, it tightened in her core, holding steady and constant and lingering right at the edge for long enough that when her body finally burst into spasms, she cried out half in shock of it.
The sound keened to a low whine as V rode out the waves, rocking her hips gently as the initial exhilaration faded to pleasant fading throbs. Takemura’s hands had slid down to her hips, squeezing and rubbing for the sheer pleasure of touching. He was far away again, but somehow, V knew that it was less to do with her and more to do with the fact he remained hard inside her.
“... you didn’t—?” V started to say, hips slowing, but Takemura’s grip tightened and he urged her on.
“Keep doing that.” 
So she did. Slowly moving and becoming intensely aware of how he felt wrapped up and pressing inside her walls. His eyes shut, his lips parting and V couldn’t resist the urge to lean down and kiss him, the movement as languid and lazy as her hips.
Takemura did not tense like she did, but instead every muscle went soft and lax beneath her. A quiet moan, half gasped out was her only warning before she carefully slipped off of him and he came, slow spurts spilling across his skin.
It was less like he had lost control rather than he’d allowed it to slip, but V had dismissed the thoughts, trying not to overthink it. Right now, she was busy making work of cleaning him up, licking a trail along his pelvis and enjoying the way the muscles played beneath her touch.
Ticklish, her thoughts reminded. Takemura rubbed a hand over his eyes, as if waking, alertness coming back into his expression, but… something still softened its edges. Made him more of himself but also less— or maybe it was just the side of him V had not yet seen.
She stretched, rolling off to lay alongside him like a cat, one leg still thrown over his as she propped up her chin on the heel of her hand.
“So… I don’t know if maybe there was some kinda life debt you mighta been thinkin’ bout giving me for saving your ass but uh— consider it paid.”
Takemura, to his credit, laughed.
“You realize, that is like saying my life is worth—“
“Oh, I know what I’m saying.”
“I do not know whether to be insulted or flattered.”
“Just be both and cover all the bases.” V said, leaning down to press several kisses along his jaw, indulgent and very appreciative.
She expected him to disparage the attention now that their purpose was completed, but while he did turn and shy away from the kisses, he also drew his arm up to wrap around her and hold her in a loose grip.
“Someone needs to keep watch.” Takemura said, his voice begrudging the very words.
“I’ll do it. Arasaka didn’t fuck me up near as bad as ya.”
He scoffed.
“You fell three floors, V.”
“First of all, it was two.”
“And second?”
She kissed him, thoroughly obliterating any desire he might have had to protest as he turned to bare her down into the mattress.
“Very persuasive.” He said against her lips, sounding thoroughly unconvinced. Despite that he let her go, grimacing when he noticed they would need to redo his bandages after the mess he made.
V got up from bed, finding her discarded jeans and tank top and tugging them on, delighting in the way her body ached just slightly still.
Spontaneous we-might-not-live-through-the-night sex clearly was the pick-me up she needed. Takemura was the opposite though, seeming sluggish and sated, laying still upon his back, his chest rising and falling with lingering speed.
Something like concern warmed through her and V returned to sit on the edge of the bed, carefully stroking the back of her knuckles over his cheek and feeling the scrape of his beard against her skin. He silently looked up at her.
“You really doin’ okay?”
“Three times in one day…” Takemura said with a short mirthless laugh.
“Three?”
“You’ve asked me three times if I am okay. I ...can not recall the last time anyone has asked me such a thing.”
Takemura gingerly rose only to pull his trousers back on, getting back into bed without bothering with the fastens or his belt. 
V didn’t even know what to say to that revelation, feeling her heart clench as she sat, waiting as Takemura settled back against a stack of pillows and closed his eyes.
“If someone arrives to kill us, wake me.”
“You got it, Goro.” V said, forcing humor into her voice as she stood only to retrieve her shotgun and then sat again at the edge of bed, muzzle poised towards the door.
Yeah she’d wake him alright, by killing whatever fucker dared come through the door for him.
Christ, V.
Johnny. His voice tinged with disapproval in her mind, the emotion almost acidic on her tongue.
Worry about us first. Though if you do manage to somehow live through this night, that’s gonna be a conversation I’d rather you take a blocker and sign me the fuck out for.
V responded with confusion, a mental indication of Whaddya mean?
The shit that Corpo just laid on you? That wasn’t just some casual fuck. As the minstrels say, he was makin’ love to you.
V audibly choked.
“V?” Takemura asked, a unspoken question lingering over her name. She shook her head without turning around.
“S’fine. Cough.”
And you were to him. Hormones all over the fuckin’ place. Nauseating.
I was not.
Don’t bullshit me, V. I can feel your emotions get all mushy every time you look at him. Now it’s just gonna get worse.
V tried to ignore him, making a pointed effort of blocking out his words with a stream of thoughts. Song lyrics, scenes from an old Bushido flick, the way Takemura looked at her with such open desire and sheer wanting when he had settled inside of her, warped up in the heat of her and her in him—
Fuck.
Yep. Told ya.
Headlights cut through the dark, shining between the blinds of the motel room as a car slowly edged across the parking lot. V’s grip tightened on her weapon.
There were more pressing dangers to worry about now, but somehow they felt smaller… when her thoughts would scatter into panic, rapid and heated, inevitably every single one landed back on the one thing that gave her comfort— Takemura was here with her. He was alive and here with her.
But that was some shit to sort out another day.
168 notes · View notes
sirrwritesalots · 4 years
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Dance With Me? ~ Spencer Reid (fluff)
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Pairings: Spencer Reid x Reader [Y/n] Warnings: none, just fluff, and possibly mention of PG-13 (if it's even considered that?) Summary: The team is invited to an FBI gala-type event with food, music, and casual conversation, and everyone ultimately has a good time, especially you and Spencer, who find the chance to have a dance with one another as the air shifts between the two of you. [The imagine is set with all characters -Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss, Jennifer Jareau, Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Penelope Garcia- and post-Maeve] Word Count: 1871 A/N: I love to write, but for the last few years, I’ve had horrible writer’s block, and I miss writing so much. This is my first imagine/creative writing thing I’ve posted on Tumblr, so bare with me please! I recently started watching Criminal Minds again, and this just popped into my head, so I figured why not? Though, Criminal Minds is not usually my genre, I wanted to give it a try (it might be cringy in some parts, I apologize). I hope whoever reads this enjoys it :)
Seeing as everyone on the BAU team was given a three-day-weekend off to have somewhat of a break, you all agreed to attend the FBI Ball Saturday night, giving you the day to relax and get ready.
That morning after you woke up, you had some breakfast and read a book by the window, followed by lunch and a nice, relaxing bath with rose oil, bath salts, and a lit candle. Once the water had gone cold and you were done with the bath, you decided to start getting ready for the plans you had later that evening, which consisted of blow drying and styling your hair, then applying some light - yet natural - makeup. Slipping into the dark blue evening dress with the strappy, laced-up back you picked out two weeks ago, you looked yourself up and down in the full-length mirror in your room with a smile on your face. It had been a long time since you had the chance to get dressed up and have a night of fun with friends, which is exactly what you were planning on doing; having fun. 
Work had been extremely stressful lately, for everyone - more so than usual, considering your line of work; being in the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI, where you work with serial killers day-in and day-out. One case in particular was rough on everyone; picked by the team’s communications liaison, JJ, you were flown out to Omaha, Nebraska to find an unsub who had a wide victimology and almost no similarities when it came down to location or anything else. You were there coming up on two whole weeks, when, after spending nearly forty-eight hours awake studying every detail, Spencer had found a similar signature connecting each murder. It wasn’t previously detected because it was so small it was easily overlooked, that is, until Derek and Rossi revisited every site and concluded that Spencer was right. At each location where a victim was found, a trinket of some sort was hidden, left behind as a sign of remorse. At first it made no sense, because each killing seemed too extreme to leave any room for remorse, not until the idea of a partner in crime was bounced around. Meaning that there were now two unsubs, one who was the alpha that controlled everything, and a second who most likely lured in the victims but only because they were told to rather than because they wanted to. Luckily, all the trinkets had traces of the unsub and their partner’s DNA left on it. That discovery soon led to tracking the unsub and chasing him down, where you and Emily went into the building first, to try and appeal to and reason with the submissive unsub, and would ultimately save the life of their latest victim. The plan went sideways when you two were met with the wrong one, and stepped into the middle of a trap... The unsub wanted a trade - the final victim for the two FBI agents - but the rest of the team, including the police force backing them up, were not about to have that. In the end, everyone was extracted and brought back to the precinct, except for the second unsub, who lost their life in the midst of the fight. 
To say the least, the team needed a break, and to have some fun.
Adding the final touch to your look -- a pair of black heels -- you grabbed your purse and jacket before locking the front door behind you and making your way to the car.
Once you were at the venue, a valet took your keys and parked your car for you. You stood on the curb, looking up at the gorgeous entrance of a high-end hotel. Before you could think about how all-out the bureau went, a familiar, deep voice spoke up on your right, “Damn Mama, I almost didn’t recognize you.”
Turning, you came face-to-face with the most iconic duo of your team, Derek Morgan with Penelope Garcia standing beside him. Your cheeks flushed as you smiled, “You don’t look too bad yourself, hot stuff. Penelope, sweetheart, you look as wonderful as ever.”
“Please, I don’t think anyone here looks as good as you.” She waved her hand, a dismissal to your comment as she noticeably gawked at you.
“Why don’t we find out. Shall we?” You raised an eyebrow at them, tilting your head in the direction of the hotel.
“We shall.” Penelope disconnected herself from her chocolate thunder, and looped her arm with yours with a giggle as the three of you entered the building and followed the signs to the ballroom.
Tables filled with assorted foods line one wall while tables are scattered throughout the front half of the room, a live band played against the back wall, and the floor of the other half of the room was left unoccupied by furniture to leave space for dancing and mingling. You mentally thanked the event coordinator, whoever they might be, for ensuring the lights were dimmer than usual, since it gave your eyes a rest from the usual harsh office lights. 
Your eyes scanned the room, searching for the rest of your team, when your gaze landed on a man wearing a slick, dark gray suit and a maroon tie with his hair flopped perfectly over his forehead yet just out of reach of his eyes. You hadn't realized you were staring until Penelope had to practically drag you to where Emily and JJ were standing while Derek split with you guys to meet up with Rossi, Hotch, and Spencer.
“So, is anyone looking particularly yummy tonight?” Penelope asked Emily and JJ, bubbly before her first drink of the night as her eyes eagerly swept across the room. Typical Garcia. Gotta love her, though.
You laughed and shook your head. “I’m going to get a drink, anyone else want a one?” The girls gave you their requests, and you were off to the bar stationed near the wonderful display of food that you were sure to raid in a matter of time - that is, if your stomach had any say about it. "One-"
A voice interrupted you and finished your order before you could get more than a single word out, "Gin martini with a lemon twist." A smirk formed on your lips as you see who was standing next to you. "Oh! And chilled, but not on the rocks," Spencer added with a wink in your direction, a goofy smile plastered on his face to match your own.
"Spence, you remembered!"
"Y/n, I have an idetic memory; of course I remembered."
You rolled your eyes in response and ordered for the girls before you forgot as the bartender handed you your drink. "So, how's your evening so far?"
"Good. Met a couple of Rossi's friends, one of which was an older woman who touched my arm a lot, though I don't know why..."
You chuckled and shook your head. "Oh, you poor innocent boy."
"Innocent?" He raised an eyebrow at you, faking offense, as he helped you carry the drinks to the table the girls were standing around. "Are you so sure about that?"
"Why shouldn't I be when you make comments like that?" you countered. "Alright," you announced, cutting the conversation short before it can lead to anywhere presumptuous in front of company, you name off the drinks as you and Spencer place them in front of their respective owners.
Spencer took his place by your side, his arm pressed against yours and his gaze fixated on you, waiting patiently for you to notice or make another comment from your earlier conversation. The girls hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary, seeing as you and Spencer had become the absolute best of friends in a short amount of time when you first joined the group, which meant the two of you were in very close proximity to one another about ninety-percent of the time. They were also too busy to notice over their ogling of the other attendees.
"You're staring," you murmured over your glass to him as you took a sip of your martini before stealing a quick glance up at him, then returning your eyes back to the crowd forming in the room. Rossi, Hotch, and Derek were still nowhere to be seen from your spot.
"Sorry," you heard him whisper, his eyes still stationed on you for a moment before he looked around as well. 
The live band began to play one of your favorite songs by Frank Sinatra, Fly Me To The Moon, and you couldn't help the smile that brightened your whole face after you took another sip of your drink.
The warmth that accompanied Spencer when he stood as close to you as he had been suddenly disappeared, making your heart unexpectedly quicken in a mix of worry and disappointment at the loss of contact. Then, when a throat cleared, and you saw him still standing next to you only a little farther away than he originally was with his hand extended and a lopsided smile on his face as hope flickered bright in his eyes. Your anxiety calmed, and was replaced with joy.
"Care to dance?"
Taking his hand, you stepped closer to him and replied, "I'd love to," as he led the two of you to the dance floor.
There, he pulled you closer to him, your bodies pressed against one another, as his hand slid behind you to rest easily on the small of your back while his other hand held one of yours, and your other hand took place on his shoulder. The two of you swayed as the music filled your ears.
You felt content in that moment. So happy with your friends, music, and food and drink. You couldn't think of a better way to spend an evening during your weekend off. Hopefully you wouldn't spoil it all by accidentally drinking too much and either a) managing to somehow embarrass yourself before the night is over or b) having to nurse a killer hangover the next morning - the last day of freedom before being called back into work the following day.
You felt Spencer's eyes on you once more. Though it wasn't creepy or unsettling; with him it never seemed to feel that way. Instead, it warmed your body, making your cheeks flush and your chest flutter.
"You're staring again." When he refused to take his eyes off you, you forced yourself to meet his gaze. "You seem to do it a lot. Why is that?"
"Possibly because you always look amazing. Except tonight; tonight you look... radiant."
"Oh, please... you're only saying that because you've never seen me all dressed up like this before." You dip your head rest on the side of his own in an attempt to hide your face, not from embarrassment, but rather to hide how red your cheeks had become in a mere matter of seconds by the few simple words he uttered.
"No, I'm not. Y/n, look at me, please." His voice was gentle yet serious as his fingers gently guided your chin up so you could properly look at him. "I mean it."
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Delete the Twitter app, Mr. Barba
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In which Rafael Barba deletes the Twitter app because of the Householder case, and Carmen babysits him. 
Accidental Feminist Icon
The last thing on Rafael Barba’s mind when he was in the hospital room with Maggie Householder was his online reputation. Once he’d turned himself in and been released on his own recognizance, however, he opened his phone to call mami and instead saw hundreds of Twitter notifications, emails from people whose names he didn’t recognize, and missed calls and voicemails from unfamiliar numbers. He didn’t touch Twitter, texting Carmen to ask how bad it was and she advised him to delete the application until at least after the trial. When he went home, mami was there and just as disappointed as he expected. There were tears the minute she saw him, but not any offered comfort. 
“You murdered a child, mijo.”
“You don’t understand, mami. No lo viste. El no estaba realmente vivo.”
“Esa fue la decisión de Dios. No es tu decisión. Tu abuela estaría tan decepcionada de ti.”
“No estoy de acuerdo. Si estás aquí para regañarme, vete a casa.”
“Te llevo a la confesión.”
“Vete a casa, mami. Me confesaré cuando esté lista.”
“Rafa-”
“Go home.”
Lucia stormed out, and Rafael went inside his apartment and went straight for the scotch he kept aside. It wasn’t his good scotch. It was the cheap one that burned his throat and left him sicker than he ever was the next day. Before twisting off the cap, he heeded Carmen’s advice, deleting the Twitter app as he dropped to the couch and began to drink. It was only eleven, not even noon, but he didn’t want to remember what had transpired the day before. He should wade through his email, but someone had posted it. He knew because it was referenced time and time again that they’d found his personal email via some Twitter thread or Subreddit or something else he hadn’t yet encountered. He’d had to mute his phone as phone calls rolled in; the only one he answered confirmed it was strangers from the Internet who had seen the news. Carmen called it getting cancelled when it happened to other people. That usually didn’t involve the loss of a life, so the term seemed not quite right for what was happening, especially given the fact this included more than just the people he was used to. People who had never encountered him were hearing about him in the news. 
He ignored Olivia’s calls, considering the morning’s interactions enough. As he drank, Rafael was able to filter unknown numbers and messages, tossing the phone aside and quickly finishing the bottle. Olivia came by, and he didn’t answer, choosing to lay back on the couch as the room spun around him. Carmen texted him, and he didn’t look. An hour later, he heard her outside of his door with Olivia and unlocking he apartment for her. He’d given her a key long ago so she could get files or suits or drop off leftovers. Both of them came in, and it suddenly dawned on him that he had his suspenders down and shirt open over his undershirt. He’d spilled the most recent tumbler over himself with the pizza he’d ordered. And now, they could see him like this, eyes rimmed red and mood unstable as he thought more than he could about himself. 
“Mr. Barba,” Carmen said softly, kneeling by him. Olivia stayed closer to the door, surveying the room. By the nature of their constant proximity, Carmen had seen the tail end or starts of Rafael getting frustrated, though he always pressed it down with a glass of scotch and good meal. That said, she’d found him too drunk after a trial didn’t go his way. Seen him frustrated as he went through a case he may not be able to do anything about it. Caught him yelling at paperwork as though something would happen. She’d also seen him the next mornings when he came in pretending not to be insanely hungover and was wearing the suit from his office.
“I’m fine.”
“No you aren’t. Is this what happens between an eight o’clock bourbon and the office suit?”
“Shut up, Carmen.”
“Don’t talk to me like that. I’m helping you.”
“Sorry,” he said with a huff as his hand ran down his face, and Olivia had to stifle a laugh at how properly embarrassed he looked. “My email and phone are bad. How bad is Twitter?”
“Medium. A lot of people understand. Or they feel that they can’t understand, so they’ll watch the story.”
“People understand murder?” he scoffed.
“No. No one does. But we all understand how impossible your choice was. How badly the parents were hurting.”
“I was too selfish to do it for my dad.”
“I know, Mr. Barba. But people want to know how long until they hear more. Want people to wait. Can see why you did it. It’ll blow over. We can change your number and your email. Twitter has a really handy button. Block.”
“My name’s Rafael.”
“You’re my boss.”
“Not for long,” he chuckled bitterly before his gaze softened. “All I wanted was for people not to hurt.”
“You need to go to bed, Rafa.” It was Olivia now, and his eyes suddenly snapped open. It was different when it was Olivia. They were friends, but they kept things to work. Other than the occasional group event, they’d grab dinner after work. She didn’t hear him debate pocket squares or see him drunk alone in his office or help him think of replies on Twitter. He’d probably lose his friendship with Carmen once he wasn’t in the office, he supposed. She humored her boss a lot more than she probably should.
“I’m fine, Liv.” It came with more of a snort than he liked, and he was suddenly pulling himself up to sit, wrapping his shirt around himself as though it were a cardigan. Carmen watched he was steady, and Olivia was sure she now knew what she’d looked like when Noah was learning to walk on his own with her hand on his back to keep him upright. Once things passed, she wanted to ask if Rafael was always this willing to be relaxed around Carmen, but she wasn’t sure she really wanted to know.
“I don’t think I’m helping things,” Olivia said softly, and Carmen gave a gentle nod.
“My son’s with my mom for a visit. I’ll take care of him.”
“You’re sure? I can call Lucia.”
“I’m fine, lieutenant. And mami has already been here.”
“Make sure he meets with an attorney tomorrow.”
“I make his calendar. I know.”
“You two can stop talking about me like I’m not here,” he grumbled, heels pressed against his eyes. “I’m drunk, not deaf.”
“You’re belligerent, counsellor.”
“Call me Rafael,” he said again, flopping onto the couch when Olivia had left again.
“I thought Lieutenant Benson was your best friend, Rafael.”
“She is, I guess. Is that sad? My best friend used to be Alex, but I pursued that case. As if mami needed more reason to hate me.” 
“You don’t act like you in front of her. Not all the way.”
“This isn’t me.”
“It’s you without a carefully constructed persona.”
“If that’s the case, I suppose you’re my best friend, Miss Frye.” She’d expected to see a bemused smirk or annoyed scowl, but Carmen was taken aback by how sincere he looked as his hand moved to rest on her forearm and squeeze as well as he could.
“My name’s Carmen,” she teased. “Now come on. You need to go to bed.”
“My suit will get wrinkled.”
“I’ll hang it for you.”
“You can sleep in the guest room. It’s not safe for you to go-” His eyes were suddenly wide. “Carmen, where’s Ollie?”
“With my mom. I told her you needed me for a couple days.”
“You don’t need to disrupt your life.”
“I’ll tell you a secret Mist- Rafael.”
“What?” he asked, flopping into bed where she’d pulled the blanket down once he managed to strip to his boxers.
“You’re my best friend too.” She tugged the blanket over him, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple. He smiled up at her, and she made her way out turning off the lights. It seemed silly to say it to someone like him, but they’d worked together a long time, had a lot of late night talks. She liked him more than a lot of people she knew, and saw him more than anyone outside of her family. 
Carefully, she cleaned his living room, dumping his other bottle of cheap scotch out and disposing of both before setting up the coffee to brew at seven, just in time to have him at an attorney’s office by nine. McCoy had approved her to work from wherever she needed to in order to keep Rafael functioning. She’d have been miserable helping Peter Stone with this trial anyway. They both knew about his father, and it seemed he may be a ticking time bomb. She logged into his twitter, going on a blocking spree as she explored his mentions, tweeting from her own account and his that she’d done it and retweeting it from his account. 
She also liked all the kind ones. The ones asking for understanding or expressing empathy. The ones that acknowledged he had an impossible choice and neither one would have sat well with their own conscious. Leave a child and his family to suffer without end or expedite the inevitable. Then there were his direct messages. Since getting verified, he had the ability to only see messages from people he followed. As she combed through, there were a couple of hateful messages she ignored, but most who knew him expressed understanding and a couple even included leads if he wanted out of the city. She marked those down in her notes app before falling asleep in the guest bedroom. 
The sound that greeted her in the morning was Rafael Barba vomiting as the coffee machine roared to life in the background. Silently, she ordered ginger tea and vitamin b12 for delivery, going to fetch the pedialyte she’d brought from home. When he came out, hair wet from a shower, she’d already brewed him tea, cooked breakfast, and given him an expectant look as she slid a glass of unnaturally purple electrolytes to him. He didn’t know what to say, so he took the proffered glas and took a long sip before wincing.
“Grape,” she said plainly.
“Grapes don’t taste like that.”
“Ollie likes it okay. I make him popsicles though.”
“He’s old enough for popsicles? Isn’t he still on milk?”
“Rafael, he’s two. He drinks milk, but he even eats.”
“Does he like books yet?”
“He does. He really likes being read to.”
“I’ll read to him next time I see him.” He was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was thick. “Do you play him music?”
“Some. Usually my playlists.”
“Play him Bach.”
“You’ll have to tell me what’s best to play him.”
“I’ll send you a playlist.” 
“Why Bach?” She watched as his jaw shifted from side to side, lips pressed together, and that told her all she needed to know. “Drew liked Bach?”
“He’d never know if he liked Bach. Maggie was playing one of his cantatas.”
“Maybe we can take him to an orchestra one day.”
“There are some shows. Kid friendly.”
“He’d like that.”
“I’ll send it to you.”
“You’ll come, won’t you?”
“Me?”
“It’s your idea.”
“You’d still let me around your son?”
“My son is a healthy vibrant boy. If he was in the same situation as Drew, it would be hard, but I’d still want you there. You did exactly what I would have done for him, okay?”
“Did you mean what you said last night?”
“Which part?”
“The last part.”
“You probably are my best friend. And that hasn’t changed. I wish you didn’t have to be put in the situation, but I would hope I’d have been strong enough to do the same. And other people agree with me.”
“God, you’re not actually looking at Twitter.”
“I looked at Twitter. I blocked anyone vitriolic. But, I collected all the kind ones in your favorites for when you’re ready. A lot of your attorney friends have job leads for you if you leave the DA’s office.”
“I’m leaving. And I’m probably going to fucking prison. You’ll be down a friend in a few months.”
“Stop it.”
“They’ll end me in there, Carmen. I sent some of them there.” She wasn’t sure what to make at how at peace with the prospect he was.
“And you won’t go to prison. Don’t focus on that. Even if you do, they’ll have to do something to protect you. And I’ll come visit you.”
“You barely know me.”
“We spend more time together than I do with anyone else. I know you’re good, you have a good heart, you send birthday presents to every SVU detective’s kid and think I don’t know you send them coffee gift cards on their birthdays. You’re a total mama’s boy and despite what a snarky prick you are, you have imposter syndrome out the ass. You’re lapsed enough Catholic not to go to church, but you pray when things are really bad. I also know some part of your brain feels like you’ve let down people who think you do good work by this one thing, but one bad doesn’t outweigh an exorbitant amount of good. I hope Ollie has half of the ethical backbone you do. I know there have been occasions in the past you weren’t perfect, but the man I’ve known deserves every ounce of credit he gets. That doesn’t mean you’ve never made a mistake.”
“You’re ridiculous,” he muttered, and much to his chagrin, Carmen wrapped him in a hug that he returned, refusing to look at her. He was suddenly aware he’d cry if he looked at what he knew was a genuine smile. “I’ve got to get dressed to see an attorney.”
“Who are you going with?”
“Randy Dworkin.”
“He’ll be good.”
“I hate to admit that. And I’m sure I’ll hate every second with him.”
“How about you teach me about Bach this afternoon?”
“You have work.”
“McCoy approved me to be remote.”
“So you’re my sitter?” She could almost swear a smile pulled at the corner of his lip, and she felt pride she didn’t expect.
“I suppose. So Bach?”
“Bring Ollie?”
“Deal.”
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rainy-day-gracie · 4 years
Text
Old Friends 5
Chapter 5!! Sorry I was busy today and didn’t get a chance to post it
Spencer Reid x Reader
Spencer helps Reader deal with nightmares. 
Chapter 5:
Coffee was an everyday thing for me. But recently it has become a necessity.
The nightmares started after the case in my hometown, and I’ve barely slept since. Not for lack of trying. 
I had my second cup of coffee before noon, and Morgan gave me a face. “Did the pretty girl get laid last night?”
I laughed bitterly. “Far from it I’m afraid.”
“Are you sure? Those bags under your eyes tell a different story.” Morgan continued to pester me all until I sat at my desk. He just chuckled and walked away. 
JJ came by to drop a stack of files on my desk, and she gave me a look too. “Did you get laid last night?” 
I dropped the pen I was holding. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”
“Did you?” JJ persisted. 
“Sorry to disappoint you JJ, but no I didn’t.” I faked a sad face. “Just a late night, that’s all.” Or a couple weeks worth of late nights. 
In the desk next to me, Spencer gave me a look but didn’t say anything. 
Hotch suddenly ran out of his office and knocked on Rossi’s door. They spoke a few words, and turned to look at us. “Everyone, grab your go bag. We’ll brief on the jet. Wheels up in 10.”
---
“Holden Baxley, a friend of mine from the Boston field office called me an hour ago. He couldn’t go into details, but long story short, a suicide bomber that hasn’t been identified walked into Boston PD with a bomb strapped to his chest.”
“Oh god,” JJ breathed. “What happened then?” 
Hotch closed his eyes. “The bomb went off, and half of the Boston police department blew out with it.”
The jet was silent. 
“How many casualties?” Morgan asked. 
“17 and counting, 23 wounded.”
“Do they think it’s a one time explosion?” I could only imagine the kind of panic this would have in the city. 
“No, because a note was left at the press two minutes before the bomber even walked into the station. The note read ‘God’s wrath will be unleashed on all who disrespect the word of the Lord.’”
“Old Testament much?” Rossi looked around the jet. “The fact that the news station is across town from Boston PD makes me think there’s more than one or two unsubs.”
“Guys,” I started. “What if it’s a cult turned terrorist cell?” 
“That is possible, especially if the leader is a psychopath that suffered a loss and blames Boston PD.” Spencer furrowed his eyebrows. “The leader could’ve involved others that feel the same and want revenge against law enforcement. By taking on the persona of the wrath of God, they likely aren’t going to stop until they wreak ultimate havoc on the city in the name of religion.” 
“We have to find them before they strike again. YLN, Reid, go to the explosion site. Prentiss, Morgan, set up in the Boston Field Office. JJ, Rossi and I will interview families of the victims and witnesses of the explosion. Try and work quickly. Something tells me we don’t have a lot of time.” Hotch didn’t miss a beat. “The wrath of God is about to be unleashed upon Boston.” 
---
The entire right side of Boston PD was blown out into the street beside it. Crowds of citizens and TV news channels flooded the streets, barely being kept back by the lines of yellow tape. 
“Spencer, how are we going to respond to the press?” I asked as we pulled up in the SUV. 
“No comment, for now.” 
As soon as we stepped out of the SUV, reporters and citizens alike screamed and shouted questions. 
“Is this the work of terrorists?” “How do we know if we’re safe?” “What do you have to say to the victim’s families?” 
“No comment.” Spencer and I held up our badges and ducked under the yellow tape. 
“The psycho that blew the place up was blown to smithereens as well. We didn’t find any kind of ID on him.” A Boston FBI agent approached us. “Larry Dillman, Boston FBI.” He offered his hand to Spencer and I took it before it got too awkward when Spencer didn’t shake it. 
“I’m SSA Dr. YFN YLN and this is SSA Dr. Spencer Reid. Where was the approximate location of the original blast?” 
Dillman walked us through what was left of the front door. “About right there, when he walked into the main hall. It was noon, so there were more people busying about. That’s partly why the body count is so high.” 
“Do you know if he said anything when he walked in?” Spencer asked. 
“Witnesses have said he just yelled ‘Matthew 10:34’ and boom.” 
“‘Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.’” Spencer recited. 
“He is literally using the Bible as his scapegoat to commit terrorism.” I looked up at Spencer. “We need to get to the station.”
---
After checking out the explosion we hurried back to the station. “Hotch!” I called out. “He’s using God as a scapegoat to terrorize Boston. The massive rage confirms that they aren’t going to stop.”
“Excuse me, Agents,” a woman stood up from her desk. “There’s someone on line 1 wanting to talk to an agent from the BAU.”
Hotch pulled Rossi up to the phone and gestured to Morgan. “Call Garcia to track the call.”
Rossi slowly picked up the phone. “Hello, this is SSA David Rossi with the FBI. To whom am I speaking?”
“Is it too pretentious to say your worst nightmare?” The voice said. Obviously using a voice modulator, classic paranoid narcissist by building himself up to be some almighty being. 
“Are you responsible for the attack on Boston PD?” Rossi asked. “Michael Devons incited massive panic with a small IED.” 
“Boston PD? You mean that building full of liars, cheaters, and sinners?”
“God speaks of forgiveness, but you seem to carry a lot of hatred.” Rossi looked over all of us. “Are your friends listening to this phone call as well?”
The caller was silent for a while. “You may think we see this as a game, but we don’t. God plays no games with the people he creates.” The line goes dead and I release a breath I’ve been holding since he called. 
“Garcia couldn’t track it, probably using a disposable cell phone,” Morgan pointed to the crime scene photos. “These guys are smart, using voice modulators, ensuring their members die for the cause, so why would they call us for no apparent reason?”
“A game...” I mumbled. “You make think we see this as a game...”
“What is it, YLN?” Prentiss asked me. 
    I gasped. “What if they’re testing us? That’s why they called, to see if we could figure out their next target... Fenway Park. Are there any baseball games today?” 
“Slow down, brainy lady,” Morgan said slowly. “What are you thinking?”
“He said, ‘You may think we see this as a game, but we don’t.’ What if he wasn’t talking about the bombings but the baseball games? That’s all about choosing sides and that’s something God forbids. They would see every person in that stadium as a sinner.” I looked Hotch in the eyes. “The next target is Fenway Park, it has to be.” 
Hotch pointed to the head of the field office. “Are there any baseball games at Fenway Park today?”
“Yeah, Sox versus Yankees.”
“We gotta get over there,” Hotch said and we all ran out the doors. “Swat will meet us there.” 
---
“We can’t evacuate the stadium, that would set the bomber off early if they see people leaving,” Hotch explained as we got on our tactical gear. “Search the stadium, most likely they’re under the stands.” 
“What do we do if we find the bomber?” JJ asked. 
“Try to talk them down, if you can’t... shoot straight. Let’s go.” 
The nearly empty corridors of Fenway Park were eerie as I walked by myself. Every now and then I would hear noise from the fans, and the smell of cheap nachos filled the air. 
As I approached concessions, I looked at all the people in line. A young couple giggling at each other, a man probably in his 70s, a pregnant woman pushing a stroller. 
And an isolated young man with a giant overcoat. As soon as he caught sight of me, the guy bolted. 
“FBI! Out of the way!” I yelled. “Stop right there and put your hands up!”
To my surprise, he actually stopped. 
“Put your hands on your head and turn around slowly. Everyone else, clear out of here.”
The man turned around, a smug smile on his face. “Romans 1:18!”
He started to unbuckle his overcoat. 
He didn’t get the chance when I shot him between the eyes. 
I took a shaky breath and called into my comm. “Suspect is down. Get bomb squad in here to take care of the explosive. Fifty feet away from concessions.”
The smile was still frozen on his face, even though half of his head was blown out.
---
I was quiet on the jet ride back. He wasn’t my first kill, but my first one with the BAU, and that was sure to ensue even more sleepless nights. 
Spencer sat across from me. “You were even more impressive than usual with this case. Somehow you always raise the bar.” 
“No kidding,” Rossi said in passing. 
“So are you going to tell me about this nightmare you’re having or...” Spencer gave me a look. “You know talking about it will help.”
“Spencer-“
“Talk to me.” I could see in his eyes he wasn’t going to give up. 
“Well, it starts out with me sitting with a teenage girl. She’s a patient, and she was talking about how her teacher was... messing with her. Slowly she disappears, and the room transforms into... my mom’s bedroom. She’s standing there, yelling at me. Except the louder she yells, the more blood comes out of her mouth.” I shake my head. “I try and help her, but no sound would come out. She wraps her hand around my throat, screaming at me and spitting blood in my face. I wake up before she brings her fist down on my jaw. 
Spencer was quiet for a while. “...Could it be the apartment making the nightmares worse? Sometimes a change of scenery helps distract the subconscious from the nightmares.” Spencer twirled a pen through his fingers, and his eyebrows furrowed. 
“Maybe, whenever I’m lying awake in my bed I’m looking around my bedroom instead of relaxing.”
Spencer thought about something. “Well... you could stay the night at my place if you want. I could sleep on the couch and you can take the bed.” I could see his nervousness in his darting eyes and twitchy hands. 
I smile. “Spencer, that’s really nice but you don’t have to-“
“No, no. I want to help.” And I could tell he was serious. 
“Okay sure, but on one condition- I take the couch and you sleep in your own bed.” 
Spencer huffed a laugh. “Fine.”
---
The plane landed at 10:12 at night. Not super late, but after this case, everyone wanted to go to bed. 
Hotch had made an announcement on the jet that we could take a half day tomorrow and come in at noon. 
“Can’t wait to sleep in until 11:45,” Morgan joked on the elevator.
Since Spencer takes the train to work everyday, he hopped in my passengers seat and immediately made a face. 
“What is it?” I asked, confused. 
“Your car is disgusting,” Spencer said. “I’ve seen shantytowns cleaner than this.”
“Oh, shut up Mr. Cleanliness. A couple food wrappers does not make me a slob,” I lightly punched him in the shoulder as I pulled out of the parking garage. 
“It’s more than a couple,” Spencer muttered. 
“I’ve starting to regret agreeing to a sleepover, pretty boy.” 
---
Sitting on Spencer’s couch eating popcorn and watching Doctor Who felt so much like college that I completely forgot about the fact that I could’ve been blown up today. 
We were still watching Doctor Who on the couch when my eyes fell heavy. Slowly, my head rested on Spencer’s shoulder and started to doze off. 
I was barely awake when I felt Spencer press a light kiss on my forehead. 
His lips felt the same as they did in college. 
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songtoyou · 3 years
Text
Chapter Seven: August
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Would You Call That Love
Pairing: Chris Evans x Raina Morrison (OC)
Rating: PG to PG-13 (Might be 18+ for some chapters)
Description: There was always that one person Chris Evans tended to turn to when he was not in a committed relationship, Raina Morrison. He could confide in her about things going on in his life that he did not feel comfortable talking to his family or close friends about. Chris and Raina were able to establish a way to openly communicate with one another, but also being respectful of the other’s time and needs. It was the only constant “relationship” he had, but without all the nonsense of trying to build a life together. A “friends with benefits” situation. However, what happens when Chris starts rethinking his “relationship” with Raina and if either are willing to pursue something more?
Chapter Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Word Count: 1,889
Author’s Note: Okay, I think I am back to paying more attention to this fic. I already know how I want to approach the next chapter. 
Sadly, I do not know Chris Evans or anyone in his family, and this is just a fictional take on his life. I do not permit this fic to be reposted on other platforms.  
Tag List: @patzammit​
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On the whole, George’s birthday celebration went well. Raina turned out to be right that her dad did not make the trip alone. She and Chris met up with her dad for a birthday lunch, where they got introduced to Diane. The woman was in her early fifties and was a widow. It turns out, George and Diane had met a few years ago at a group therapy session for people still grieving the loss of a family member. The two recently got back in touch through Facebook and have continued to talk. It was only recently that George and Diane began dating. 
It was all new for Raina to see her dad with another woman. She was aware that he had been out on dates before but never actually seen the man in the company of other women. Raina was glad to have Chris around for support. He definitely helped ease any tension or uncomfortableness during brunch by telling stories and keep the atmosphere light.
However, Raina could not deny that Diane was a nice woman and liked how attentive she was to George and vice versa. Raina noticed the older couple had a nice camaraderie with one another. Best of all was that Diane made her dad laugh and smile. That is what Raina wanted for her dad, to be happy. Who was she to hold any grudges or contempt because her dad was living his life? It is what Marie would have wanted. She would be happy that her husband and daughter were living their life to the fullest.
That night after the show, George and Diane came backstage to see Raina. Her dad gave her flowers, which she cherished. 
“Amazing, sweetheart. Absolutely brilliant,” George gushed, hugging his daughter. 
“Thank you, Dad.”
“I cried so many times, I lost count,” Diane revealed. “You have such a beautiful voice.”
“Oh my God, stop. You both are going to make me cry,” said Raina. Their compliments touched her. “I’m so glad you both got the see the show. Especially you,” she added, pointing to her dad. “I know it is late, but thanks for sticking it out.” 
“Anything for you, kiddo,” replied George. “So, lunch again, tomorrow night?”
“Absolutely. You two going to sightsee tomorrow?” asked Raina
“We got some stops we want to make. Like George, I never make it over to the City. We’re going to stop by the Metropolitan.”
“She begged me to take her,” teased George and wrapped his arm around Diane. 
“Well, it is a great place. The Museum of Modern Art is really cool. I took Chris there not too long ago. He enjoyed it as well. Museums, great places to have dates,” stated Raina happily.
When Raina bid George and Diane a goodnight, she got out of her costume and took off her makeup. She put on a pair of comfortable jeans, a long sleeve shirt, running shoes and headed off home to Chris. He opted not to attend the show that night as he had other prior commitments. 
Chris had been staying at Raina’s place for a couple of weeks, ever since they revealed their true feelings for one another. He did make a trip back up to Concord, but it was to bring some of his things and Dodger back to New York. Raina was surprised that Chris brought Dodger with him but was more than happy to have the four-legged creature around. Raina loved that dog immensely, and it warmed her heart to see the two lounging on the couch when she got home. 
Normally, she wouldn’t allow dogs on the furniture, but it was hard to deny such cute faces.
“Hey, you two,” Raina spoke, getting both of their attention. “What have you been up to?”
“Not much,” Chris spoke, turning towards Raina. “Move Bubba,” he nudged Dodger away to get up off the couch. He greeted Raina with a kiss and got out a wine glass from the cupboard.
“Red or white?” he asked her.
“White,” she replied and sat down next to Dodger. “Hey, kid. How are you doing?”
Dodger also proceeded to greet Raina with kisses and laid himself across her lap. She began scratching behind his ears. 
“Here you go, my dear,” said Chris handing Raina the glass of wine.
“Thank you, darling. Dad and Diane enjoyed the show. They had a good time. They’re cute together,” Raina confessed to Chris.
He nestled down next to Raina and Dodger, who was now laid across both of their laps. “Your dad looks happy, and Diane is great. You’re right; they are cute. It is nice that they found each other. Looks like they are the real deal. You can handle that, right? If your dad and Diane were to take their relationship to the next level?”
Raina knew Chris was referring to marriage. “I want my dad happy and not alone. He has taken his time when it comes to dating. He wasn’t in a rush to move on, which, honestly, I appreciate. Dad has supported me all these years, so I will return the favor,” she answered. 
The two sat in comfortable silence while watching the news. Of course, Chris had it on CNN. “How can you stand watching this stuff? At least watch MSNBC. They have Rachel Maddow,” Raina complained.
“I’m trying to stay informed, that is all. You used to watch this stuff too when Trump got elected to office,” Chris noted with a smirk.
“Oh God, do not remind me. I was obsessed with CNN and MSNBC. The only reason I watched the news 24/7 because I was waiting for the bomb to finally go off, and they’d find something to implicate Trump, and he would get kicked out of office, but nothing ever happened. It was exhausting.”
Nudging Dodger off of her, Raina got up and downed her glass of wine. “I’m going to take a shower and head to bed. Tomorrow, I’m going to have lunch with dad and Diane. Did you want to come?”
“Uh, I can’t. I have an appointment with Josh tomorrow. His still has some additional shading to do on the eagle,” said Chris, indicating to his covered chest of the unfished eagle tattoo. “Hey, before you head for a shower and bed, you got another vase of flowers. I put them over there on the table,” he motioned, pointing to the flowers, which were a lovely medley of lavender and white blooms. The clear cylinder vase offsets the colors of the flowers nicely.
Raina noticed a small envelope within the flowers and opened it. 
Dearest Raina,
Congratulations on the success of Moulin Rouge. I am so happy for you. It is a great joy to see someone you know accomplished what they’ve been hoping for and working toward. You are proof that good things come to those who are willing to sacrifice to reach a worthwhile goal. Words can’t express how proud I am. You have the creativity and determination to do whatever you can dream. It really warms my heart to see you achieving your goal of being on Broadway. 
Warmest regards,
T.H.
“Aw, how sweet,” Raina gushed at the note.
“What?” Chris asked. “Who sent the flowers?”
“Tom sent them,” she answered, taking a whiff of the flowers. They smelt heavenly. 
Chris was confused. “Tom? Tom who?”
“Hiddleston,” was all Raina said and placed the card in the flower arrangement. “He’s in New York as well doing that play, ‘Betrayal.’ We should stop by and see it. You know, to show support and all.”
Chris watched as Raina headed into the bedroom, but he still sat there a little stunned. He looked to make sure Raina was indeed out of earshot; he got up to look at the card. 
“What the fuck,” Chris said, stunned at the card. ‘Who the fuck does this guy think he is? Sending my girlfriend flowers and writing all that in the card!’ he thought to himself.
“Let’s go for a walk, Bubba. Come on,” Chris said to Dodger and got the dog’s leash. He figured some fresh would help clear his mind.
Walking the usual route for Dodger, Chris looked around to see if there were anyone around. Thankfully, the street was quiet, and no sign of fans or paparazzi. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Chris always felt bad when he lit one but couldn’t deny how the nicotine helped relax his anxieties. And right now, he was in desperate need of something to take his mind off the card.
Chris knew he was acting ridiculous. That Raina had no lingering feelings for Tom, she told him that to his face. However, he could not get the small feeling of jealousy bubbling under his skin. Plus, Tom was his friend. They respected one another. It wasn’t like Tom wouldn’t have found out with the rest of the world that Chris and Raina were in a relationship. Everyone knew! 
Looking down at Dodger, Chris saw that the pup was ready to head back inside. “Okay, we’re going to head back home.” The dog picked up the pace at the mention.
These past few weeks with Raina had been nice. Chris liked the domestic routine he had gotten into with Raina. It was definitely something he would like to continue, maybe say in Massachusetts. Unfortunately, Chris knew he would not be able to get Raina to live in Massachusetts full-time. She set on staying in New York. That was her home. It was the place where she grew up and most likely wanted to stay.
‘Don’t start overthinking things, Christopher,’ he more rational side began to say, which oddly sounded like his mother. 
Finally making it back home, Chris made his way into the master bedroom with Dodger following along. He saw that Raina had finished her shower and was already in bed. Dodger got up on the bed to nestle in the middle. Chris tried to get him off the bed, but Raina wrapped her arm around the furball.
“No, he is fine. He’s like a stuffed animal,” she pleaded and snuggled closer to Dodger.
Chris sighed but couldn’t help but smile at the sight. It was precious, his girl and his dog. He quickly took out his phone and snapped a picture. Chris stored it in his ‘Raina’ file on his phone. A keepsake of pictures of his girl that were just for him and not for public consumption. That is what his entire friendship and now relationship with Raina had been, something that was just for him. It was never for the public to scrutinize or even fawn over. He wasn’t with her for PR or added media hype. Chris always felt that what he had with Raina was honest and true. A real friendship that developed organically between two people that had progressed towards real love and devotion.
Sadly, both Chris and Raina knew there would be naysayers and critics watching their every move to see if any cracks were forming. With the positive press, it will ultimately bring out the negatives. It was the way of the game. A game Chris and Raina knew they had to be up for the challenge if they wanted their relationship to flourish and not burn out in flames in front of the whole world.
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youreacowgirllikeme · 3 years
Text
Just Friends?
note: this is for @jaketapperstan, I hope you like it :)
words: 3961 (sorry, I got carried away)
warnings: swearing, thoughts of cheating, smut
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The knock on the office door pulled you out of the little nap you had treated yourself with after a nearly sleepless night.
„Come in.“you called out, and Jake appeared through the door, carrying two steaming cups of coffee, smiling at you.
 "Hey, you looked so tired back in the studio, so I thought I’d bring you a little caffeine boost. “
 "You’re an actual angel, Jake.” you exclaimed, jumped up from your office chair and basically tore the mug from his hands, sighting in bliss as you smelled how strong the beverage was. Perfect, he just knew how you liked your coffee.

“And sorry for the way I look, we can’t all be like you, Mr. Perfect.” You joked, and Jake just shot you a grin. There was always a bit of flirting going on between the two of you, but you were keeping it professional.
You were the head of the production team for CNNs The Lead, so Jake was basically your boss. But over the years that you’ve worked together, you grew pretty close.
Having Jake as a friend meant always having a shoulder to lean on, the perfect counterpart for heated political discussions and, of course, the best coffee delivery service in the whole city.
And it was because you valued your friendship with Jake so much, that you vigorously suppressed all thoughts of getting closer to him. And because of Tom, your boyfriend, of course.
Thinking of him made your stomach churn. You’ve gotten together about a year and a half ago, and a few months ago things started to go downhill. Last night has just been another one of many fights in recent time, he complained about you being at work so much and you had the feeling he wasn’t valuing what you were doing at all.
"Earth to Y/N. “Jake’s voice called, and you snapped back to attention.
 "Sorry, I zoned out. “
 "Rough Night? “Jake asked, worry evident on his face and in his voice.
 "Another fight. He doesn’t understand why I’m here all the time, he doesn’t see the things Trump says as “you made quotation marks into the air „that big a deal. Imagine that. “you said angrily.
"I’m really sorry, Y/N, and I’m obviously no expert on that stuff given my record but talking things through is always a good way to start. I really hope you can work this out. “ he patted your arm, and you suppressed the urge to just hug him. You needed comfort, and Jake was that for you.
During and after his pretty messy divorce little over a year ago you provided the emotional support he needed back then, and the amount of time you spent together had made emotions rise in you that you were now desperately trying to bottle up.
"Thank you so much, Jake, I will talk to him and hope he sees my point. I want to make this work. “ You really did, because Tom was still a pretty nice guy and you had many fond memories with him. 
You gave Jake a small smile and tried to ignore the butterflies and the feeling of guilt that came with them when he smiled back at you.
 "I’ll be heading home in 20 minutes, you should go as well. The job is done for today, get some sleep. “
Jake said, emptying his coffee cup.
 "That’s actually a good idea, I’ll meet you at the elevator in 20? We can ride down together. “
 
"Sure. I’ll see you there."
With that, Jake left your office and you quickly turned off your computer and started packing up your notes.
 
Twenty minutes later you met up with Jake to take the elevator down to the lobby. Even though you were the only two people in the cabin, you stood right next to each other, and you suppressed the urge to touch his hand that was so incredibly close to yours.

The thought of what it would feel like to be pressed against the wall of the elevator by Jakes strong body entered your mind without any warning, and you could feel a flush creeping over your face, the cabin was suddenly feeling extremely hot and narrow.
“Just let me out of here before I jump him.” You thought, and your prayers were answered when you arrived in the lobby seconds later.
The doors opened, and there stood Tom, carrying a bouquet of flowers. You approached him with a questioning look, Jake dragging along behind you.
„Hey. “Tom said, giving Jake a short, irritated glance and continued.
„I wanted to apologize for last night. “
Before you could reply anything, Jake pitched in.
"Uhm, folks, I forgot my car keys up in my office, I need to go back and get them, you two have a nice day. “he said quickly and hurried back to the elevator without waiting for an answer.
 
 
As the elevator doors closed behind him again, Jake let out a groan, burying his face in his hands. He could not do this anymore, seeing you with another guy felt like a punch in the gut every time.
He hadn’t actually forgot his keys, but he needed to escape the scenery. The urge to tear you away from him and pull you into his arms was too strong . He hung his head, at loss on how to continue this situation.
 
When you made your way to the office the next morning, you were in better spirits.
You had a decent evening with Tom, no further arguing for a change.
There hasn’t been any substantial talking either, but you had to appreciate what you had.
 
Jake approached you in the briefing room with another mug of coffee.
"Everything alright? “he asked quietly.
 
"Sure, I feel better already, let’s just not talk about it now.“ you said, not wanting to discuss your boyfriend with Jake any further.
 The morning meeting started and soon you were in full work mode, making finishing touches on today’s episode and briefing the team about the latest developments concerning the guests.
You didn’t notice the longing looks Jake was giving you from the other side of the room.
It was a couple of weeks later when you knocked on the door of Jakes office an hour after the Friday show. There were some papers you needed to talk with him about, and above all you just really wanted to see him.
You hadn’t had the opportunity to really talk to Jake in days, work was stressful and things with Tom were going downhill at a fast pace again, leaving you sad, exhausted and in need of a friend.
When nobody answered, you slowly opened the door. Jake was sitting on his desk, leaned back in his chair and obviously asleep.
You quietly closed the door and made your way over to him, stopping right next to his chair. He was breathing softly and actually looked relaxed, something that was extremely rare.
He still wore his glasses through, so you carefully reached out to remove them from the bridge of his nose. But he sensed your touch and woke with a soft gasp, looking around for a moment before realizing you were there.
“Hi.” You whispered. "I’m so sorry for bothering, I didn’t want to wake you up, I’m just dropping of some papers."
 
Jake let out a yawn and stretched his arms over his head, and you were unable not to stare at the way his light dress shirt stretched around his muscular arms and shoulders. You felt a light blush creeping across your face at the thoughts invading your mind. The things he could do to you with those arms…
 "Don’t worry. You never bother me. “
Jake replied softly, bringing your attention back to his face. 
His hair was bit tousled, and you wanted to run your hands through it so bad.
Jake gave you another questioning look, somehow sensing that something was wrong.
"Are you really just here because of the papers, Y/N? Or is there something else? You look exhausted. “
He was clearly worried, and a warm feeling fluttered in your chest at sending his concern.
"I just..." you tried, and to your horror, you felt tears welling up in your eyes, the stress of the last weeks flooding to the surface.
Jake saw your tears right away, jumping out of his chair and pulling you into a close hug. You could not deny yourself this, not today, so you wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his chest and just cried. He stroked soothing circles across your back and you just stood there, letting the tears fall.
After a couple of minutes, you calmed down and told Jake about how work was killing you and your relationship was basically on the verge of collapsing.
He listened, holding your hand the whole time. It felt warm and comfortable, but also like your skin was almost burning where he touched you. Without realizing it, you had started stroking small circles across Jakes palm with your thumb, totally unaware that no one of you were speaking anymore and that Jake was staring at your joint hands instead.
The both of you were looking up, your eyes meeting. And in Jakes eyes, you could see it. They were dark, the pupils blown and staring right into your soul. You felt your own want reflected right back at you, and the intensity of the situation was almost too much.
"Jake. “you whispered, and his face took on an almost pained expression at hearing you say his name. You leaned closer, drawn to him like by an invisible string, until your faces were only inches apart.
Suddenly, the shrill sound of your mobile broke the spell between you. You hastily let go of his hand and fished your phone out of your pocket.
It was Tom.
"Yes?" You answered, bringing some distance between you and Jake, who just kept standing there like he was frozen.
Tom was annoyed, ranting on about how he would spend the upcoming weekend with his friends because you would not have any time anyway, and that you shouldn’t bother calling him for the next days.
After angrily replying something that was mainly curse words, you just hung up.
You were upset, and you did not want to pull Jake into this mess, especially not after what had just transpired between you.
"I am so sorry Jake, but I have to go now. I’ll see you on Monday." you said, quickly making your way to the door. 
He called your name after you, but you were already storming out into the hallway.
You needed to bring distance between the two of you, to clear your head.
Back in his office, Jake was still standing there, fists clenched at his sides.
He had you so close, almost able to finally kiss you, and yet you were so far away.
You were with someone else, and he just had to suck it up, no matter how intensely you had looked at him just minutes ago.
 
He let out a deep sight and started packing up for the weekend, his cold, lonely flat looking even more uninviting now. 
You made your way home to your apartment, feeling sad and empty inside. You had some dinner and settled down in front of the TV, unable to pay any attention to the movie you picked because your thoughts were revolving around your current situation.
You clearly weren’t happy with Tom, but what made you even more doubtful of your relationship was how indifferent and uncaring you felt at the thought of him spending the weekend apart from you. Your phone started ringing, Tom’s caller ID showing up on the screen. There was a small surge of disappointment because it wasn’t Jake, but maybe Tom wanted to actually apologize, so you picked up.
“Y/N. Wow, you’re not at work for a change?”
Tom was drunk, you could hear that from the way his words were slurred, there was loud music and the voices of what sounded like multiple people in the background.
“What is it?” you asked, starting to get annoyed.
“I just wanted to tell you that I have enough of your shit. You never make time for me, or for us, you’re just stuck at that stupid ass job of yours all day. Whatever there is between us, it’s over.”
You were quiet for a moment, your stomach clenching, then replied.
"You know what, fuck you, Tom. Good luck finding someone who puts up with your bullshit. “ with that, you hung up.
 
You felt a strange mixture of relief and incredible sadness because of his words. Tears started to fall and didn’t stop until you fell asleep.
When you woke up the next morning, you already felt better. Fuck Tom, you deserved more.
When you checked your phone, there was a new message on it. Surprisingly it was from Jake, and your heart did a funny little twist when you opened it.
 
Hi Y/N, I just wanted to check in with you after how upset you were yesterday. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. Jake
 
You thought back and forth about how to reply, feeling like some silly schoolgirl texting her crush. Telling yourself to get a grip, you typed a reply, hitting send before you could chicken out again.
Thanks for asking, means a lot. I’ve had better days, but it’s alright. Would you want to grab a drink somewhere this evening? some wise man said talking about things is always a good way to start ;)
You waited anxiously, but Jake texted back really quick, sending you a time and place to meet him.
When you got ready in the evening, you had to remind yourself that this was just a meeting between friends, and not a date. Jake was still your boss, and you didn’t want to jeopardize your friendship either.
The place he had picked out was nice, not too fancy but comfortable with many small booths providing privacy.
You had a good time chatting over drinks. To your relief, Jake didn’t pressure you into talking about what was going on, instead he offered to take an evening stroll together after you left the bar.
You walked the length of the national mall, admiring the lights in the reflection pool, and finally sat down on a bench near the Lincoln Memorial.
 
“We broke up.” You said, breaking the comfortable silence.
 
“I am really sorry, Y/N.” Jake said, and he was. Seeing you sad always hurt him as well. But inside him, there was a part that was full of glee about the fact that you were no longer with that guy.
“Don’t be, I’m actually glad it’s over. We weren’t good for each other, and he did not appreciate me.”
“Idiot.” Jake murmured under his breath.
“Apologizes.” He quickly added. “It’s just…what kind of fool would treat you like he did. You are absolutely amazing, and you deserve everything.” The last part was said more to himself than directed at you, and his view wandered over to where the Washington Monument was standing out against the dark sky. You tried to make out what kind of emotion lingered in his voice. It sounded a lot like longing, and your heart gave a small jump at the thought.
“Jake” you said quietly, taking his hand. Again, the air between you was buzzing with a strange kind of energy, and when Jake turned his head to meet your eyes, looking absolutely breathtaking illuminated by the lights surrounding you, you could not help yourself anymore. The magnitude of your feelings came crashing down on you, and you surged forward, pressing your lips to Jake’s.
He was onto you in the blink of an eye, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer. You gasped at the intensity with which he was kissing you back, as if he were starving and you were a feast laid out in front of him. His hands were grabbing your back while yours were around his neck, one buried in the hair on the back of his neck.
Kissing Jake felt like a firework went off inside of you, goosebumps were all over your body and the feeling of his tongue sneaking into your mouth made heat coil between your legs.
You broke the kiss, breathlessly looking at Jake. His hair was disheveled, and he was breathing heavily as well.
“Wow.” He chuckled, but still looked wary, like he wasn’t believing that this was actually happening.
“Jake.” You just said, “Please take me home with you.”
As he realized what you were implying, he ran his hand through his hair, looking torn.
“Are you sure this is what you want, Y/N? I don’t want to take advantage of how you are feeling right now.”
“Dead sure. I want this and I want you.” You stated, taking his hand again and squeezing it.
He just groaned and pulled you into another passionate kiss before standing up from the bench, tugging you along.
“We better not waste any time then.”
The taxi ride to Jakes apartment was short, but it still took everything in you not to climb into his lap in the back of the car. Jakes hand rested softly on your tight, but you could see that he was holding himself back as well by the way his other hand was clenched into a fist so tight that his knuckles turned white.
When the door of Jakes apartment finally closed behind you, he instantly pressed you against it, lips on yours in a bruising kiss. You moaned as his hands landed on your ass, squeezing it and pulling you flush against the hard bulge in his trousers.
“God, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.” He growled against your lips. “You were so close, but I couldn’t have you. It drove me insane, Y/N.”
“You can have me now, Jake, so take me, please.” You moaned, pulling him down into another kiss while simultaneously tugging his dress shirt out of his trousers.
His suit jacket was already on the floor, followed swiftly by your blouse and his shirt.
Then, with one quick move, Jake just picked you up and carried you through the hallway to his bedroom, carefully laying you down onto the bed.
 Lying there, you just stared up at him as he pulled his trousers down his legs, revealing his boxer briefs, already tented by his erection. Seeing him in that state of undress in front of you made your mouth water.
“Come here, please.” You whined, dying to finally feel his skin on yours.
He quickly got rid of his boxers and moved over to lie on top of you. He grabbed your breasts through bra, squeezing them and kissing your neck. Reaching behind you, he swiftly unclasped your bra and then leaned down to suck one of your nipples into his mouth. You groaned, tugging on his hair.
It felt like he was everywhere, touching, tasting, leaving a trail of fire with his tongue and his fingers, and when he finally pulled your underwear down, you were already so wet that he was able to effortlessly push two fingers inside you.
Jake groaned at feeling your arousal and warmth, slowly plunging his digits in and out of your pussy.
You were squirming under him, his fingers felt incredible, but you needed more.
“Please, Jake.” You whimpered, “Please, I need you inside me.”
He swore under his breath and withdrew his fingers before reaching over to the bedside drawer to fetch a condom. He quickly rolled the rubber over his hard cock and positioned himself at your entrance.
Jake locked eyes with you and your mouth opened in a silent cry as he slowly pushed into you. He let out a hiss as he bottomed out, his dark eyes never leaving yours. The pleasure was almost overwhelming, and as he started to move you could swear that you were seeing stars. Your hands clawed into his back and he buried his face into the crook of your neck, his heavy breath hot on your skin.
“Fuck, Y/N, I’ve waited so long for this, you feel so good, amazing, you are so beautiful.” Jake continued to whisper sweet nothings into your ear, how perfect you were, how soft your skin was, and every word made your heart soar and your arousal rise.
You moved in perfect unison and Jake gradually sped up the pace, deepening his thrusts until you were a whimpering mess beneath him, chanting his name over and over again.
You wrapped your legs around Jakes hips, creating a new angle that made both of you moan as he was thrusting into you relentlessly, his breath growing more erratic with every move.
A tingling sensation started to spread in your belly, a sign of your approaching climax.
“Jake, I’m close, please don’t stop.” You begged, clawing your nails into his back.
“Say my name when you come, please, Y/N.” Jake groaned, propping himself up on his arms to look at you. His hair was tousled, and his face was glistening with sweat. He looked amazing, and seeing him this unhinged while he was fucking you was the last push you needed.
You came, crying out Jakes name, head thrown back as the pleasure of your orgasm washed over you like a giant wave.
Feeling you clench around him and hearing his name fall from your lips did it for Jake, and with one snap of his hips he thrust his cock deep inside you and came as well, muffling his shout by burying his head in the crook of your neck.
He slowly rolled to the side and lay down next to you. You promptly snuggled up to him, caressing his face as he pressed a kiss to your hair. When your eyes met his, he smiled at you and you could feel your heart racing. You really just had sex with Jake Tapper, and you didn’t feel an ounce of regret. Now you could just hope that his sentiments were the same.
You lay in silence for a while, but your mind was working hard, so you spoke up. 
“Penny for your thoughts.” You whispered softly, looking up at Jake who was staring at the ceiling of the bedroom. 
He turned his head to face you, and you could immediately see the worry on his face.
“Hey, what’s wrong.?” You asked, cold fear in the pit of your stomach. Please don’t let him regret this.
 “This was amazing, Y/N. But I don’t want this to be a one-time thing, or just sex. Like I said, I have thought about this, about you, for so long now. But you just got out of a relationship, and I’m not sure- “
 “You’re not my rebound, Jake.” You interrupted him. “I’ve had feelings for you for so long now, and I was too scared to admit them, even to myself. But not anymore.” you said, trying your best to let your voice sound sure and steady.
 He just looked at you, speechless for a moment. Then he reached out, cupped your jaw and pulled you in for a kiss. You embraced him, responding enthusiastically. Kissing him was so wonderful, you could get used to it.
“So we’re doing this then?” Jake asked, after breaking the kiss, his voice still a bit unsure.
“Absolutely.” You smiled and pushed the worries about work and everything else to the back of your head as you pressed another kiss to Jakes smiling lips.
For now, you just wanted to be happy.
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purplesurveys · 3 years
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survey by joybucket
Have you _____ during this pandemic?
Worn a mask? I mean, of course. I put one on even when I’m only picking up deliveries from my doorstep.
got tested for coronavirus? Never. I also hope I’ll never have to go through this, I don’t want a stick up my nose and throat D:
known someone who died from the virus? Personally? Too many people at this point. 
gotten the COVID vaccine? Not yet, but I have many relatives who’ve already gotten theirs, my mom and grandmother included, so at least. I know my employer has a plan in place over the next few weeks or months, so I’m just currently waiting for updates on their end.
started a new hobby? Yeah, I started on embroidery late last year. I haven’t been able to keep it up, but I’m still very much interested and want to go back to it soon. I also plan on getting one or two new Klaypel kits so I can finally replace and throw out the ones Gabie gave to me as gifts.
hated being stuck at home? Yeah, especially during the start when there seemed to be no end in sight. When they heightened quarantine protocols again earlier this month, that also made me feel aggravated about being stuck at home indefinitely since I had already started going out on weekends for self-dates.
worn a mask someone made for you? No one has made a mask for me, but one of my uncles got me a supply of a certain kind of face mask that I didn’t initially use.
sewn your own mask? No.
purchased masks at the store? Not me personally, but my dad regularly buys a supply for the family to use.
purchased a KN95 or N95 mask? Again, not me. But we regularly have a stock at home, along with the blue surgical face masks.
complimented someone on their mask? I don’t think so. I barely pay attention especially towards mask designs.
protested mask-wearing? ????? My name’s not Karen.
complained on Facebook? Nothing mask-related, but I have definitely complained about the government’s negligence and lack of proactivity about this entire situation.
read a book? I started on Midnight Sun which my parents got for me, but I never finished it. I got busy immediately the week after since I got accepted into my internship, and it was also because I was dealing with my breakup and could not focus enough to read for more than 5 minutes.
had an event canceled you had been looking forward to? My college graduation, which I’ll forever stay bitter about.
stocked up on toilet paper? I don’t think so. My parents didn’t believe in panic-buying.
been to the store when it was crowded? I do remember the mall being packed when I went last-minute Christmas shopping. Not to a crazy extent, but there was still quite a number of people.
been to the store when the toilet paper aisle was empty? N/A. We don’t have toilet paper aisles, but all stores have hand sanitizers and temperature checks by their entrance.
lost your job? I didn’t have a job before the pandemic because I had still been a student when everything started.
worked from home? Yup, and still on an WFH arrangement until now.
still had to go to work? I’ve had to go two times, but that was because it was absolutely necessary to go to the office to get the work done. My employer is pretty strict about this anyway and if something could be done at home, they’d decline the request.
went to a protest at your state's capital building? Well we don’t have states so this isn’t really relevant to me. Should a credible org plan a protest against the government though, I’d be interested in going.
watched the news for updates on the virus? We keep the TV on during dinner, at which time the news is always on. Whether I want to or not, I always get updates on the Covid situation in the country.
wondered if you had covid? Yeah, when I got extremely sick in May last year.
not left the house for a week? Way more than a week.
watched YouTube videos? YouTube is pretty much a part of my daily routine, with or without the virus.
spent a whole day watching movies? I’ve only watched one movie since the beginning of the pandemic.
cleaned your house from top to bottom? Not me, but my mom.
ordered something online? Too much crap.
ordered a pizza? I’ve gotten pizza a few times for my family, yeah. I remember ordering from Pizza Hut, Motorino, and most recently, Yellow Cab.
prayed to God?
completely forgotten a holiday that you normally celebrate? Nah, I usually remember when holidays are because that means I get a day off hahaha.
voted in an election? There haven’t been any elections that have taken place since the start of the pandemic.
gotten to know your neighbors? Somewhat. I only say hi to them and greet them a good morning/afternoon when I walk the dogs, but I don’t initiate conversations.
sanitized everything in your home? We always do this, especially when a package arrives for someone in the family.
wrote someone a letter? Started one but never finished because I soon realized it wouldn’t be worth it.
wished this pandemic were over? Don’t we all?
been surprised this pandemic has lasted so long? Yeah, I definitely thought things would be normal by now.
worried about catching the virus? I think the worry exists for everyone. I just wouldn’t say I’ve ever gotten super anxious and panicky about it. I feel pretty resigned at this point and just want everything to be over, so I can finally have the life I was meant to have back.
stayed home because you didn't want to catch the virus? That, and because I was required to stay home to begin with.
been to church? We watch a service on YouTube every Sunday morning.
watched an online church service? ^ Yeah, that’s what I meant haha oops.
been stopped by a police officer? No, but there was one time I was cleaning up Cooper’s tray and there happened to be a village guard cycling by our street, and he just kindly reminded me to put on a mask or shield since I had forgotten to do it.
seen a lot of police cars patrolling the area? No. I would definitely be pissed off if this happened - especially in a residential subdivision - and share a pic on social media to alert everyone about the unnecessary mess that is the police.
had someone cough on you out in public? No. But again, this would also piss me off and I wouldn’t hesitate to confront the asshole who would do something like that.
has someone stand less than six feet away from you while waiting in line? Always. Some people here can still be unbelievably stubborn.
had to use an inhaler? Never needed one.
been to the doctor? Yeah, to have my blood and urine tests examined.
had increased asthma and/or allergy symptoms? I have neither.
felt like you were fighting a virus? Like I said, I got a bad fever sometime last year. Even though I didn’t show any of the common Covid symptoms (e.g. I had wet cough instead of a dry cough), I felt as if I was rotting away lmao. I could barely stand up and I felt like fainting the second I would raise my head.
been diagnosed with the coronavirus? No.
felt lonely? It’s natural.
went somewhere with a friend? Just a couple of times. I went to UPTC with Andi at the start of the year, then back in Feb I went to Perfy’s with several friends, well aware of our ignorance but badly craving for a sense of normalcy for even just a night.
attended an online event? BANG BANG COOOOOOOOOON. Best 8 hours of my life during the pandemic thus far.
had a business in your area close down? Like the people I know who’ve died from the virus, too many.
received a stimulus check? Hasn’t happened.
received food stamps? No, and I don’t think we have that system in place here. The government just lets the hungry go hungrier.
applied for disability? No, not applicable.
applied for food assistance? No, thankfully we haven’t reached this point.
visited a food pantry? ^
had a fever? Just back in May. Hasn’t happened again since.
believed a conspiracy theory about the virus? Cringe, no.
had to take online classes? When the whole world was still at a loss on how to handle a global pandemic, aka early March, I briefly took Zoom sessions for some of my classes. But it proved to be difficult what with many students struggling with internet connections or being stuck somewhere without their school supplies, so my university canceled the sem altogether not long after and gave everyone general passing grades.
ate at a restaurant? I did a few times. I frequented coffee shops rather than restaurants, though.
walked through a drive-thru? I’ve...driven through a drive-thru, but not walk.
had your mask fog up your glasses? Every damn time I get out of the car, hahaha.
had to go to the hospital because of covid? Nope, not for myself or for someone else.
had to go to the hospital for a different reason? For my fever.
used hand sanitizer? At least once a day.
felt encouraged, joyful, or blessed? Now, especially. Things are starting to look up, at least for my own life.
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haikyuu-sickfics · 4 years
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Warning for vomit and light alcohol drinking
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Read the Warning!
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I did this post-time skip, I hope you don’t mind!  Also, this has been in my inbox for the LONGEST time, I’m sorry about that
Steam danced in the air as Keiji slid a platter of various foods onto the table between the three. Kodzuken, Kenma’s channel, recently hit five million subscribers, and to celebrate Tetsurou invited Keiji and Koutarou over.  However, despite the celebration being for Kenma, Tetsurou and Koutarou seemed to be enjoying themselves far more.
A loud crack reached Kenma’s ears as Koutarou twisted open one of the two bottles of Sake he and Keiji brought over.  In response to the newly opened bottle, Tetsurou gave a wide grin and pushed over the small glass placed next to his plate.
“Don’t drink too much,” Keiji advised as Koutarou poured the smooth liquid into four small cups, his tone holding a combination of warning and pleading.
“Ah, Keiji!  Don’t worry, we’ll be fine,” Koutarou sang, wrapping his arm around Tetsurou and pulling him close. The two giving wide smiles which poorly hid their devious intent
Kenma rolled his eyes at the antics of the two, knowing full well just how unbearable the two can get while intoxicated.
“No thanks, I have a stream in a couple hours and I like being sober for those,” Kenma informed as Tetsurou pushed a glass in his direction.
Mumbling something about being a party pooper, Tetsurou grabbed his glass and lifted it to his own lips.  
And at that, the night began.
He flavourful smell of the food platter caused everyone's mouth to water, and food was quickly disappearing from the plate.  Kenma had only grabbed a couple forkfuls of food, he didn’t eat a lot most nights and he didn’t want to start now, especially right before a stream.  As it turned out, Tetsurou had other plans.  Perhaps the mild intoxication had triggered a parental instinct in him, or maybe he was just tired of seeing Kenma eat so little- regardless of the reason, Tetsurou wanted his husband to eat.  
“C’mon, the plates gonna be gone in a couple minutes, and you need to eat!  ‘Kaashi made this whole nice thing all for you, you can’t let it go to waste~  Or do you just not like his cooking?”
Kenma looked up at Keiji guiltily.  The food was good, the manga editor really knew what he was doing when it came to food.  In fact, every so often Keiji would leave little plates of food on their doorstep, something Kenma greatly looked forward to.  It was convenient considering how most night Tetsurou makes Kenma cook.  So- as to not lose this pleasantry- Kenma ate some more.  A choice which was already proving itself to be a bad one.
After he had eaten far more than usual, his phones unbearably loud alarm rang out.
“Shit.  The stream.  I gotta go, thanks for the food.”  At that, he excused himself from the scene and walked into his gaming room.
It was dimly lit, the only current source of light being various buttons on his computer and the glow of random gadgets on his wall.  The room was kept tidy, his leather chair was in pristine shape and the carpet decorating the floor didn’t have a spot of dirt.  Kenma prided himself in this fact, this room was his sanctuary and he’d be damned if he let it get dirty.  Just as he was admiring room, a sharp cramp jabbed at his midsection.  Letting out a groan, he cursed under his breath and sat down with a plop in his chair.
Leaning forward, he pressed the square button on his computer tower and relaxed in his chair as it powered on.  A soft chime emitted from the speakers and with a sigh, Knema leaned forward to set up for the stream.  It was far more difficult than usual, the screen’s light was harsh on his eyes and the twisting in his gut caused his movements to be slow.  Eventually, he was ready.  The webcam screen was small and in the bottom left of the screen, and Minecraft occupied the rest.  He had never played the game before, but he promised to begin once his channel reached 5 million.
With a sigh and groan, Kenma began the stream and uploaded onto his Instagram story.  Almost immediately people began flooding in.
“Hey guys,” Kenma greeted to the early arrivers, “So today’s the day I start Minecraft.  My username is Kodzukenn with two n’s because someone took my name, not cool.”
The chat exploded with sad pepe emotes at this.  On a normal day, this reaction would make Kenma smile- but he felt far from normal right now and the most he could muster was a small smirk.
“So I’m gonna start making the world right now while people are still coming in.”
Soft music began coming in through his headphones once he clicked the singleplayer button.  It was pleasant, and the calm notes began pulling Kenma to sleep.  Just as his eyes were about to close though, the streamer pulled himself out of the trance and muted the Minecraft music.
“I’m gonna quickly pull up some background music, then I’ll make the world.”
By now, people were beginning to notice just how run down Kenma was.  His chat began flooding with messages of concern and others telling him to take a break and stream some other time.  Kenma was to occupied with turning on music to notice them though.
Once a rather upbeat instrumental was going in the background, Kenma continued the creation of his very first Minecraft world.  Ignoring his chats pleads for creative mode, he decided to go make the world hardcore mode.  What was gaming without the constant fear of losing everything anyway?
Bright greens filled his screen and slapped Kenma across the face as the world loaded in.  Animal noises sounded out loudly all around him and suddenly everything became too much.  The game’s virtual sky was far too bright, the blue shade intertwining with the green grass and stabbing behind his eyes.  Pressing escape on the keyboard, Kenma dug his hands into his eyes in an attempt to rub away the pain.
‘Kodzuwu_ donated 5 dollars:  u don’t look gud, u can take a break if u need’ The computer’s voice rang out.
“No, no I’m good.  I’m fine,” Kenma assured, putting his hands back on the glowing keyboard.
The stream continued.  Kenma went through the various stages of Minecraft, ignoring the growing pain in his gut.
Unfortunately, just as he was putting his first but of iron in the furnace, the feeling became overwhelming.  Nausea hit him like a slap across the face, sweat beaded above his brow and his large headset suddenly became 10 times heavier.  Metallic saliva pooled in his mouth as hot liquid rushed up his throat.  Taking one last regretful look into his webcam, the Kodzuken experienced the lowest point in his career and vomited down his front.  On his screen, a skeleton shot him into a nearby pool of lava.  Before he could even get upset about the loss of his world, another wave pushed itself out of his throat.  This time he was able to grab the bin to the left of his desk.
‘Frooped donated 10 dollars: holy cow, why didnt u log off earlier?’
Kenma grimaced into the bucket as the computer voice reached his ears.  His ears were red hot with embarrassment and frustration, setting the bucket on his lap he quickly ended the stream.
“Fuck!” He screamed out, not caring if his friends were still over.
“Hey Kenma, you alright?” Tetsurou asked from the door.
In response, Kenma swirled around in his office chair to reveal his current state to his husband.
“This is your fault, I hope you know.”
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