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#especially for shit pay lol
orcelito · 10 months
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showing off the commission i got from @ruporas for my fic, In the Next Life!
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i'm still so incredibly excited about this. it's been some months since the story event that caused these scars, but i wanted SO BADLY to be able to see what they'd actually Look like... & Here They Are.
ruporas rendered the scars So Well, i just cant stop Looking at them... there's a Fresh & a Healed version, which ruporas was kind enough to give me without additional charge (Thank U Again😭😭) so i get to see what it looks like at different stages.
Lichtenberg Figures. in terms of actual scarring, lightning strikes that people survive don't tend to leave permanent scars, but the lichtenberg figures that they (usually temporarily) leave behind are just So Cool... Now, what happens when you get someone who can survive an amount of electricity/lightning that would be Frankly Lethal to any normal human person?
This :]
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kindahoping4forever · 9 months
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my ultimate wish for this next era is they finally let Ryan go like they did Andy. I'm so sick of not getting the content we deserve. All the gatekeeping of tour diaries and now the crumbs of concert footage in that "documentary" yesterday. he was working for months on that? that's why we didn't get tour diaries? all that footage just goes in his vault now? Please.
Hello! I'm sorry to hear you felt disappointed by yesterday's special. However, I feel compelled to comment on a few objective points in your ask.
- "Live & Backstage in Amsterdam" was directed by James Tonkin, the same director (and production team, Hangman) they worked with on "The Feeling of Falling Upwards" (and the unreleased "Live in Brixton" special). Ryan was credited as director of the documentary footage and as a contributing editor (1 of 3) but the live footage and overall final program was not his work.
- Regardless of the particular creatives involved here (or in any given project for that matter), the fact remains that any directors, producers, photographers, etc are all hired hands operating with full input and specific direction from the band. The band chose to make this a hybrid concert film/documentary. The band chose to condense the setlist the way they did. The band chose this format over the traditional tour diaries. What happens to the unused footage will be determined by the band. Ryan is a friend but he is first and foremost an employee and the band owns that footage. (Likewise, the MYT diaries are not sitting on Andy Deluca's hard drive because he's "gatekeeping" or too lazy to edit it. If the band wanted them released, they'd be released.) All this to say, of course you don't have to agree with the decisions but it's important to clarify who your complaint is with.
- This concept of the band or their collaborators "gatekeeping" and fans not getting what we "deserve" is, to be blunt, entitled and immature. Being a fan does not make an artist indebted to you. They make music, if you feel so inclined, you listen. That's it. That's the extent of the contract. Anything beyond that is optional for both parties. Any content an artist chooses to release is not out of obligation or generosity, it's part business strategy, part artistic vision. Artists do not owe you anything. This band does not owe you anything.
#apologies for the long answer but clearly i had a lot to say (still do tbh)#i didn't link it bc it hit a lot of the same points but i answered an ask with similar sentiments last year about the CM promo era aesthetic#bottom line is at the end of the day these dudes are not our friends shit posting they are professional artists#artists trying to fulfill not just a creative vision but also business obligations#the people they work with are tools in the toolbox hired to help accomplish those goals#they don't get raw footage and do whatever they want with it - the band will always get final say#the hate their collaborators get is always so bizarre to me-whether it be their signature style or the manner in which they deliver content#the band hired these people for a reason 🤷🏻‍♀️#also just bc I have the time: Andy was not 'let go'#thru their work with 5sos andy & sarah have become quite prolific mv directors both individually and as a team#as well as continuing to be in demand live music photographers - andy literally shot depeche mode last week#ryan has also had a number of high profile ad campaigns he's shot this year#what I'm saying is they don't need 5sos lol#the band likes their work and is lucky to have access to collaborators that make them feel understood#i just... can't reconcile this 'we deserve' bit#this was the third concert special in as many years... we only had to pay for one... bc it was a global livestream#it's ok to be disappointed if it wasn't what you expected and i don't mean to invalidate that#but this concept of 'deserving' is a different thing especially in the context of this fandom where entitlement is an ongoing issue#so that's where this long ass answer is coming from lol#anyways that's my rant for the year - just in under the wire!#ask#anon
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vanessakimballs · 1 year
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RT making rvb's final season exclusive to their shitty first subscription shit after everything and how much they've burned rvb fans is mad funny but also peak RT. i honestly am convinced RT wants itself to crumble LMAO
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hanzajesthanza · 1 year
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also regis swearing at stygga is so meaningful to me because he swore over milva’s dead body and also in front of angoulême (and assumedly cahir too)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#txt#especially because milva was like… not only his friend but he cared for her medically…#i mean he did for everyone (including cahir and dandelion’s head injuries) but#idk regis seeing her dead when he had saved her life under the bridge and counselled her about pregnancy and abortion#and (i guess it’s headcanon but) when her ribs were broken by the druids and she was healing from that he was there for her#milva was beat up by the narrative but regis was always there with bandages lol#so to see her DEAD completely DEAD with no possibility of healing her#also because *he was off* and he paused for a drink (or two—who knows how many)#of course he’s like ‘fuck this place. i’m going to fuck this shit up’ because how shitty of a surgeon must he feel right now#and if he can’t protect his friends now with medicine well the only other option in his arsenal is Fucking Shit Up#his NOSEDIVE begins early in the halls of stygga castle and he just starts losing it#milva: dies | me: oh… oh they’re *all* gonna die huh…#who knows if regis had returned to the rest of the company and milva was still alive. who knows. maybe he wouldn’t have continued to drink#and maybe he wouldn’t have made that suicidal leap towards vilgefortz in the end#i think that in the loss of the rest of the company regis had nothing left to live for#both from an in-universe POV and from a narrative writing POV#because remember that there were previously written versions in which regis survived and lived#so paying attention to not just when he dies but when he starts to go on this downward trajectory is relevant#because sapkowski intentionally devised a way in which he would die that would be plausible for his character#which means that his death isn’t just random. this version was a specially crafted version to ‘allow’ for his death#i love how AS was like well yeah of course milva and cahir are going to die. but yeah i admit angouleme and regis are just stupid#(to clarify he said angouleme dies stupidly)#but i think saying ‘there were other versions in which the vampire survived’ = this is the version where he is stupid#c: regis#analysis#IN THE TAGS lol#book: lady of the lake
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randomnameless · 9 months
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A Minor dispute.
Put it behind you. Deal with it.
No, this isn't related to devoted fans and their discourse lol (even if i had to take a jab at them with the title lol)
Ike: I have to ask, Sephiran. What are you after? What’s this all about? Sephiran: Why do you wish to know? You would achieve nothing by learning my reasons. You would help no one. I lost faith in lesser beings, and desire an end to them. That’s all. Ike: So why did you save me on that day? Sephiran: May I ask you a favor, Ike? Tell me how you feel about it now. Can you bear recalling those horrific memories? Ike: Yes… I’m fine, now. But I suppose at the time I wouldn’t have been able to take it. Sephiran: All beings endure tragedies for as long as they continue to live. It has always been the case that suffering is unavoidable. And this grim reality plays out over and over, in every country, under every ruler… As long as there are beings who feel, they will feel pain. Ike: So what? We should all just give in and die? Put it behind you. Deal with it. Sephiran: Do not make light of this… Ike: I’m not. Sephiran, I’m extremely grateful that you once helped me through a terrible time. But we have to accept that occasionally we all have to deal with hard times. I’ve had pain, I’ve had suffering, and I have gotten up and moved on. I don’t try to forget what happened that day. I just accept it… And neither that or anything else will ever stop me. Sephiran: You are a strong man, Ike, son of Gawain. But not everyone is as strong as you…
This scene is unlocked if you've seen Ike's FB.
Of course, Ike here doesn't know the fuck he is talking about, as he later expresses by wondering why Sephiran is suddenly called Lehran (maybe if the game left Miccy/Yune talk to him before the start of the map, instead of letting him do all the convo it would have been different?).
So, in a way, it isn't as callous as Ike telling Lehran to put the genocide of his people "behind him" or to "deal with it", because he doesn't know what Sephiran is talking about.
But in a way, I have the feeling if Claude or Petra told Dedue to "put the massacre of his family" behind him or to "deal with it", Claude or Petra would have received a certain amount of shit, even if, when they would have said those, they wouldn't have known what the fuck Dedue went through.
Anyways, Ike later learns what, or who, Sephiran is, and talks to him. Maybe he will apologise for his callous words, spoken when he didn't realise what he was talking about ?
Ike: Sephiran... I mean, Lehran... Lehran: I can't apologize enough. I was so terribly mistaken, and now there's nothing I can do to help. Ike: Don't worry. Lehran: What? Ike: Wanting to do something that matters is enough. Sometimes, how you feel is more important than how you act. Lehran: Ike I... there's no one that I think more highly of... Ike: No time for compliments. We still have work to do here. Lehran: Yes... yes we do.
Lehran apologises for having wanted to destroy the world (and drops Altina in a trashcan because Ike is now the person he thinks the most highly of!) - and in the general scale of things, yes, Sephiran has much to apologise for, so he better start pulling his weight and try to make up for having tried to kill everyone.
But the "your people were genocided? No biggie, deal with it!" is completely ignored - or it is, again, another example of Ike talking shit and the game convoluting himself to make sure he never faces any consequences, even if, in this situation, the consequence would just have been an apology, like the one he gave to, iirc, Mordecai and Lethe after calling him subhumans but not realising calling someone "subhuman" was insulting.
Sure, the line he gives after the fight against Sephiran still holds value :
Ike: If death is what you really want, then I’m not going to let it happen on my watch. I don’t care what you’ve gone through. I don’t care how much you’ve suffered. What you’ve done is unforgivable.
It's not because you suffered, or went through the worst humankind can offer, that you can inflict the same on people!
When Lords like Marth, Seliph, Leif, Roy, Eirika, even Elincia try to understand people and what led them to act as they did - without ever giving excuses or wondering if they could walk with their respective antagonists - Ike here refuses to understand, and only condemns.
Is it because Ike isn't a Lord, so he isn't concerned with some general "making sure this situation never happens again"?
But then, he is the one to say those :
“But, even the dumbest creatures will love their family, their friends and… even love others. They will all have things that they can’t afford to lose.” “We know that we’ve messed up. We’ll do our best to avoid more war and to make peace our highest priority. Ashera, just give us one more chance. All we ask is for one more chance.” “You were like a mother to all of life– Your children still require a mother like you. When you watch over us, we don’t always do things that make you happy and sometimes we even disappoint you. Still, I think we would like you to continue watching over us. How about it?” “We all need to work hard to accept each other. As long as we don’t try and run away from our mistakes, then I’m sure we’ll be able to see each other again one day.”
How can you do you "best" to avoid more wars, if you don't even understand why the current one started, or don't care about the reasons that led the fucker who started this current war to, well, start it?
How can we talk about acceptance if we don't "care" about what the others live through?
So, on top of writing a check his ass can't cash - since he will leave Tellius and not be there to "avoid wars" or make sure people "accept each other" after promising the goddesses "we" will exactly do that - Ike's words here are empty.
-> In a nutshell, Ike reveals with those battle quotes and conversations that he is not ruler/leader material - but we knew that since RD's start since we followed Miccy and Elincia - and more importantly isn't the kind of person asking "why" things happen, they just happen but somehow everything will work out when it will happen again - because the why, or the cause, wasn't identified - and I think it's a perfectly fitting answer for the Tellius Saga and the larger Branded "issue" : we will never know why it happens, it just happens.
(can we say the epilogue, with Ashunera returning, is an ultimate "fuck you" to Ike's empty promises at the end of this chapter, since it starts with another war happening in the background?)
---
Back to that nonsense of a battle convo, I find it really interesting how Ike is basically thanking Sephiran for having wiped his memory when he was a child, to help him "deal" with the fact he witnessed his father stab his mother, because at that time (when he was a kid), he wouldn't have been able to deal with it.
But then, Ike tells Sephiran to "deal with" the tragedies he witnessed and lived through...
After thanking him for sparing him the "deal with it" step- he now asks Sephiran to take - when he was a child.
WTF?
Ike explains how he is thankful, but he ultimately had to "got up" and "move on" from the pain, and accept it. And that's precisely the point, Ike managed to take on that pain, "get up and move on" thanks to Sephiran's own meddling and help - else, by his own admission, he wouldn't have been able to "take it".
But now, he asks Sephiran to take his pain, without any magic amnesia to help, and deal with it?
And while I hate the idea of trauma olympics, grown-up Ike (even in POR) can now deal with the fact his dad killed his mother thanks to Lehran's magic amnesia - but he tells Lehran to deal with and get over - 1) the genocide of his tribe, 2) assassination of his great (etc) granddaughter because she had his blood, 3) the loss of his powers for a crap reason and the knowledge that laguz are bound to "die" if they mingle too much with beorcs as he personally witnessed it, 4) severe depression after realising he is not a laguz anymore but not even a beorc since beorcs will use pitchforks at him even if they regarded him 10 seconds before as sage, and the rest of Tellius' general fuckery? - without magic amnesia or plot hax?
Reyson was very close to pull something similar in FE9 when he tried to erase people in the Forest using "ancient magic", but abandoned the idea when Leanne was found - if PoR!Ike learnt that, would he have told Reyson to "get over" the heron genocide and Naesala's betrayal?
Of course not, because I'm pretty sure Ike knows, before meeting Reyson and even picking Leanne, what happened in Serenes.
And in RD, when he says those words, he doesn't know (but he later will!) that Sephiran is a heron.
Tl;Dr :
Supreme Leader's "minor dispute" is frowned upon by everyone, even if she might genuinely not know about what Nemesis did that made Rhea so enraged, in a doylist reading, Supreme Leader is a character who ignores a genocide to push her own specist agenda.
Doylist reading of that RD scene is, Ike telling Sephiran to man up and deal/get over the genocide of his people - but unlike Supreme Leader, when he comes to learn the truth of Sephiran's despair, he dgaf.
Thankfully, this scene is only triggered if Sephiran survives, so Ike can later explain his behaviour : he doesn't care what kind of suffering Sephiran endured, since nothing justifies what he was trying to do (kill everyone).
Even if the thing he should care, but doesn't want to, is, for part, a genocide.
#character rant#character salt#i mean when y'all saw Ike and FE10 you could have expected that lol#re-reading the Tellius scripts with the same fine toothed comb I used for Fodlan's is maddening#because I remembered Tellius as a saga I generally liked and who had a sort of solid/nice plot#and then it falls apart#especially regarding Ike#he isn't a lord like the other protagonists from the other games in the franchise i have the feeling that's why his writing is so convolute#is FE tellius a story where the player follows Gerik instead of the Renais twins?#But then Gerik gets the killing blow and the general plot importance that should have gone to the twins#Gerik is the one to tell fuck you to Fomortiis when Miccy can't even talk to Yune when she departs#sure i'm the first to make fun of the cheap sad'n'lonely backstories used in modern FE to justify the worst shit#but Serenes massacre was developed in FE9 the nonsensical branded and laguz death is more and more developed in FE10#and we're just supposed to tell him dgaf uwu when we proceed with the plot?#not even one 'i understand what you went through and i'll make sure it won't happen ever again but you really need to pay for your crimes"#stuff?#FFS I just realised#Ike says this to Ashera when she says she wants to erase humanity because they start wars#“we're not perfect yes you have a point but we will do better so don't kill everyone and i'll fight to save everyone”#but Lehran? Fuck him I guess#I made a quick joke some years ago about him and rhea being similar on a surface level#but look at how they're treated by the game lol
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coridallasmultipass · 1 month
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I am once again begging online shop payment processing companies to allow me to enter a separate name for shipping and separate name for billing!!
It's the same address, I'm just trans and have not legally changed my personal name, but I still prefer to receive mail as my preferred name! Like it's literally my professional name, I do business as my preferred name.
Annoying as fuck, and I don't want to chance my bank rejecting the payment (though I'm sure someone at my bank has put a note to allow it on my account by now, since I've contacted them a couple times before when I realized too late that the billing section didn't let me input another "address/name" section, and they said the payment was fine in those cases.)
Anyway, legal name changes should be free and non-advertised for everyone. Tbh, you should get a free name change every time you file your taxes on time as an incentive for good citizen behaviour. Once I am elected pres-
#i think the one i just used didnt even have a separate billing address option which makes no sense#guess they dont want anyone giving any gifts making the buyer pay twice for shipping like that#maybe it was a fault of the mobile browser but i highly doubt it since many desktop sites look like mobile browsers these days#just so fucking frustrating. what if i lived somewhere where my legal name would out me? (im in the closet rn so doesnt matter)#i dont want to fucking see my legal name. im already forced to see it everywhere else.#i dont wanna ruin my mood on a day when im supposed to be getting a package which should be a happy thing yknow#vent#transphobia#speaking of like i would change my name but i dont want to and cant afford the fucking ridiculous price for it#and i dont wanna advertise it in a newspaper either! shits expensive as fuck on top of the hundreds to file the court paperwork!#i already tried to do it once with money in hand and the receptionist told me that even tho it was for gender identity i could not...#...avoid the newspaper thing unless i also changed my legal gender marker. and i had to back out bc i have reproductive health problems#i dont want a gender marker change to fuck with my getting healthcare#(i did change the gender letter on my ID card later tho which only took a signature on a paper no hassle with anything)#it really really fucking sucks how all these little things add up all the time#especially when im closeted while living w family who wont even use my preferred name#the real kicker is that. both my dad and his dad used preferred names. my dad used his middle name#and i use part of my middle name. yet my dad even in death still gets the dignity of being called his preferred name and i dont#sexism at its finest#reasons why i dont even hint at being trans around my moms side bc i already got bullied by them for wanting to use my middle name#ive literally been asking them to call me my mid name since i was 12. and theyve been acting like im trying to be someone else#its the same middle name on my birth certificate they gave me. i dont understand why they wouldnt want me to use it#but yeah i stay closeted bc i dont wanna deal with the name drama amplified exponentially for gender#prob get kicked out too cuz theyre queerphobic as fuck and i cant work rn and dont have a car#id have to just go full feral and live in the woods with the lizards where i belong#Cori.exe#Post.exe#fuck lol just looked it up and u cant change ur first name if u get married. i cant avoid the fucking fee man. let me be cori#literally why is it cheaper to get married than change ur first name! bullshit! marriage has so much more legal implications#transphobic queerphobic aromanticphobic privacyphobic poorphobic shit ass fucking state ive literally been cori most of my life ffs cmon
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maschotch · 2 years
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idk if this is controversial but speaking of Reid girls n all that, i hate how forgotten Morgan gets since everyone seems to favour Reid. writing a mlm fic? it’s centred around Reid and Morgan is just sorta there, or maybe comforts Reid. need just one queer character? it’s Reid. a trans masc hc? it’s Reid again. and most of all,,, people making any kind of hurt/comfort or angst or whatever to do with csa… and they choose Reid. they make a head canon that he experienced csa, when Morgan literally canonically did, and everyone ignores that he did. and it’s fine to have a favourite character and all that, but it’s… disproportionately skewed in favour of the skinny white boy, yk? it feels so off to me. and also how people seem to totally forget about Morgan’s experiences. idk
aldhskdh it’s definitely controversial but youre so so right for it?? i feel like a lotta people just… ignore morgan. it wouldnt feel as purposeful or malignant if they didnt give the exact things morgan deals with to reid?? the same thing kinda happens w hotch, where people obsess over reid so much that it overshadows the places where they’re similar (like hotch being a nerd or autistic hotch or transmasc hotch) but even then, at least he’s got the hotchgirls to balance it out. where are the morgangirls?? where are they??
it seems like such a waste that morgan gets sidelined as the himbo jock football guy when the writers went out of their way to let us know that’s not who he is?? it’s the one time i think the writers actually did good in comparison to the fandom: they made him one of the smartest, most emotionally open characters. he’s so so caring. and reid is smart, sure, but even morgan has his strengths. he’s a better chess player than reid (something i wish we couldve seen more of), which i think no one ever fucking mentions. morgan seems like an afterthought at most in cm fics, with moreid, hotchgan, and morcia. he’s just.. underappreciated in general in comparison to his white counterparts.
as far as the trans masc hc… ok.. this one might get me into trouble lol but it feels so… uninteresting? he’s “gnc” bc he has long hair ig. i dont wanna say too much more on that bc morgan/hotch seem very comfortable in their gender identity, and it’s probably easier for questioning people to identify with the generally-insecure reid. which is like.. fine ig but it feels? belittling almost? infantilizing/woobifying trans men? idk
this shit is always kinda hard to talk about bc yeah there’s nothing inherently wrong for csa reid hcs or trans reid hcs or autistic reid hcs or whatever, but it feels particularly disingenuous when you have morgan right there who can easily have as many if not more of those popular hcs applied to him. but sure yeah lets just ignore him as the dumb jock lol. lets make him a prop for other characters. lets cast aside his characterization to make reid more interesting. it’s definitely a trend in fandom to hype up the skinny white boy, so i cant reeally blame reidgirls for living up to the stereotype, but it feels like they actively ignore morgan. it just sucks bc morgan js such a fun character
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springboggle · 7 months
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How it feels being lectured to about how mean and evil queer people act while having the audacity to call for solidarity and how basic feminism is thrown out the window when discussing your struggles after watching yall fuckass clowns do this to bi women for years without consequence
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aprillikesthings · 1 year
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in which I am a petty bitch
There's all these women on youtube and tiktok who talk about interests of mine like ADHD and historical costuming and fiber arts and I know some of them make a living off their content by now, but every time they mention their husbands etc. part of me assumes it's a situation where her share of the household income is like, part-time job level, and he's the one actually footing the bills behind the scenes for things like their house.
I know, I know. If you get a big enough following, making online content can actually pay a LOT now, especially when people diversify it a lot--youtube and tiktok and patreon, doing ads in their videos, etc.
And I also know that the reason I am Suspicious is because of The Toast--I assumed the folks running it were like, maaaaybe middle-class. But after The Toast closed and Nicole Cliff started posting in other places I realized--her and her husband are actually rich as fuck, and as far as I can tell the money is from her husband. A huge home in suburban Utah, horses, she has a favorite aesthetician and gets botox and just...yeah it's not so bad to run the kind of site that will never entirely pay for itself (The Toast was never going to make anyone wealthy lol) when you're not worried about what you'll do if it doesn't.
And I'm not saying I don't think she should've started The Toast! It was an amazing website with articles I *still* sometimes link to people, even though all the cultural references are dated now, and at least half the images aren't working. The Toast paid their writers, and that allowed them to publish a shit-ton of amazing content.
But it always felt (to me!) like she portrayed herself as the kind of city-dwelling nerdy feminist librarian type that was a lot of The Toast's readership...not someone in a McMansion.
And there's some folks on youtube where I'm just....you do not have a high enough follower count on this incredibly niche material for you to be paying for that nice place I see in the background of your videos, plus all the cameras and lighting and mics and editing software.
It must be nice, to have that kind of financial freedom. And I'm glad their spouses are willing to support them like that.
But I wonder how many possible content creators are out there whose amazing stuff we'll never see because they're too busy trying to pay rent.
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britneyshakespeare · 7 months
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you know. back when i reviewed poetry submissions for [insert unnamed literary magazine here], i once got a submission containing only two poems (you could submit up to five) both of which were about the author's older brothers, whose names are dan and john (my older brothers' names are dan and jon...athan) and her relationship w them and descriptions of them were not all that unlike my own brothers. still one of the weirdest things that has ever happened to me
#i understand my brother's do not have the most exotic names in the anglophone world#(although this was an international outlet and we frequently got pleeenty of submissions from non-anglophone countries)#(in fact one of the reasons i got sick of it over time was seeing too many worthy poems be rejected for bullshit reasons#and that seemed to happen in especially high numbers to poems from perspectives of other cultures/international issues#that i found to be very well-crafted and objectively deserving! but u can only afford to publish so many poems a week right#so u have to pass over the vast majority of stuff. so u have to grasp at reasons like 'the voice is too close' whatever tf that means)#(that shit used to pissss meeeee offff. i hate literary magazine readers. it's a fool's job and i can say it bc i've been the fool)#however that being said. what a coincidence#tales from diana#they were good poems too. i think i gave them a thumbs up before they were eventually rejected like most other thigns that are worthwhile#did i ever mention the literary publishing world is bullshit? bc it is#especially especially the poetry side of it. completely bullshit and so out of touch w how ppl read and appreciate poetry nowadays#no wonder that shit makes no money. well that and nobody wants to pay for it anyway#but when it comes to my poetry i have no problem being a starving artist. i never made a dollar from my work#but i don't think my work has ever been worth a dollar. it's never COST me a dollar either#and as far as i'm concerned i don't really want to be appreciated much for it#not that i ever have been. well. lol#but it wasn't about me bc i have reviewed thousands of submissions but only submitted to like... a handful of outlets over time#and having been on both sides of that equation. i do think that that's not for me#sometimes i do think about self-publishing but i don't even think the work of that would feel worth it to me#and if i were to do that i would probably do it under a pen name.#i don't have a collection of poems. i just have poems. thousands of em.#if i ever get around to writing those plays i have outlined in my head i might consider it though#bring back the closet drama
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blessphemy · 9 months
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was seeing some tumblr post about wage stagnation and cost of living increase
you know I was feeling a little bit of “should I be ashamed?” about myself for not sticking with 1 job for more than 2 years (a combination of circumstances, the fields I’ve worked in, mergers, etc) and not having a Career but then I remembered that in the process of my skipping around I have on two occasions doubled my prior salary (not an exaggeration) so like
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nomaishuttle · 10 months
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i do fr need to work on differentiating between "actually middleclass" and "doesnt live paycheck to paycheck" lmao bc that is something i struggle with... obviously ik i have more in common with like. even somebody whos fr middleclass disney vacations every year. I know i have more in common with them than i do with bezos but god at least i dont have to see bezos being annoying in front of me every day KJANDJKLNLJD
#bc its like this. i obviously have way more contempt for a billionaire. obviously. but ive never met an actual billionaire yfm. and i Have#met middleclass ppl and A lot not all but a lot. are so insufferable and ikkkk not all of them or whatever but like. i constantly got shit#for being poor from middle class kids and like. ik im supposed to be class solidarity with them bc were all poor when compared to a#billionaire but goddd fucking damn they make it difficult . ik its like well the upperclass Wants the lowerclass and middleclass to be at#eachothers throats bc it means they dont pay attention to the upperclass walking over the both of them. i knowwww. but i can multitask#major in hating rich people minor in hating the middleclass...#THIS ISNT RLY RELATEDFTO THE LAST POST AT ALL i just have a lot of like. complicated feelings abt classism basicallyy.#like. i wouldnt wish poverty on anybody it fucking sucks. but as a kid i did sometimes fantasize abt swapping lives with my classmates who#had more money than me Not even bc i wanted to live their life but just so they would like. see the apartments i lived in and see the room#i shared with both of my siblings (weeman didnt exist yet lmao) and just like. look in the fridge. bc i just rly wanted ppl to get it lol..#there was this one assignment that was like. wants vs needs and ppl kept putting needs as like. A big backyard. vacation once a year. my ow#personal bedroom etc and ik they were kids but it was like. insanely frustrating to have these kids who had like. never had to live without#Wants. yk. bc then i would just write down like. food. shelter. water. thats it lmao i even had clothes as a want instead of a need. and#they were making fun of me bc my list was so short and its like . look man i have gone without these three things on multiple occasions. yk#and now i try to be like. its good that there are ppl who have never experienced that i dont want ppl to have to experience that especially#like. that was in 4th grade lol. i was 9. i shouldnt have been worrying abt bills and stuff and none of my classmates knew anything abt tha#and thats a Good thing they shouldnt have. but theres this selfish part of me that wishes they did KANDJNS bc its so insanely isolating to#have ppl like. interrogating you abt why your shoes are so worndown or why your winter jacket is too small yk. and you cant say 'my family#cant afford better/new ones' bc they dont even understand what money is. yk. IDK. im just very sensitive abt these kinds of things KANDNW..#perhaps a bit too oversensitive at times but yk. im working on it and im working on not being spiteful abt it bc like. yes it was isolating#but it was a good thing that the kids didnt relate to it yk. kids shouldnt relate to that and i shouldnt have felt that way bc no kid shoul#im also Ik i bring it up constantly but im still so mad abt that time my friends heard me say Yeah i have to go to court against my dad nex#wednesday . and they didnt say anything and then one of them went Ughhh my dad wont buy me the newest iphone hes buying me the newest#samsung instead But i have an iphone app that i spent 50 dollars on that wont transfer !!!!!! and then she endedup getting the iphone#anyways. sry ikk its grudge and i need to let it go but im still peeved... brinn there are people that are dying .#and also now i know that like. a lot of the other kids in my class Did understand and were just like. posturing. yk. a few of those kids#were from the same neighborhood as me lmao i was just too autistic to realize we werent supposed to be honest 💀 but yes. sry for this like#manifesto i am just thinking out loud..... well not bc this is text famously a written form of communication but we all understand. anyways
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savage-rhi · 1 year
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I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.
#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to#place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like#LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee#so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of#people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take#a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM)#the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore#ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team#but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up#graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made#my adhd brain go WELL SHIT#ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do#love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving#people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt#but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel#amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou#life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i#just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive#but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present#and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now#on a positive note...#my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made#a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little#im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor#i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it#but damn it im tired#thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave#if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you#please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you
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Large groups who streamline their checkout and actually put back any tables they move together should be eligible for sainthood
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midnightparadox · 2 years
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I'm looking forward to watching Wicked with my lil sis. I bought the tickets as her birthday present cause she always wanted to watch it with me. Since we usually spend our birthdays together. Her bday is Jan 21st and mine's Jan 20ths. It be my first Broadway play. It be her 2nd since she saw The Lion King with our Grandma when she was a little kid.
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neganium · 3 months
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What I need to be doing: drawing, so that I can maybe attract customers with a snappy advertisement, or perhaps a nice YCH.
What I am Not Doing: Precisely This.
#sketching is relatively okay and all but the minute you ask me to do proper lines I'm screaming crying throwing up etc.#the keyboard drawer is a terrible place to put the tablet clearly. the main table of the desk itself is constantly in the way and it's-#a weird angle to boot due to both the drawer technically being broken and also me sitting offcenter bc of limited ways to arrange the-#desk area to be usable. I am NOT sitting any computer towers in the floor. however laptops are prone to overheating and have less storage-#and thus are much less practical... even if I kind of miss it; and it'd be a better fit for a desk with such a small surface area...#tho if I had one the tablet would still have to be in the drawer anyways; bc the keyboard ensures it doesn't fit on top of the desk#speaking of; they barely fit in the drawer together when I have to shove them both in there. the keyboard is easier to use on top of the-#desk tho; which is why I don't like to keep it in the drawer. the keys on this one especially don't mash good and hurt my fingies#also I HAVE tried the tablet on top of the desk and like. the angle for Literally Everything is just All Wrong; it feels kinda awful to use#in this position even. like. I already have issues getting the tablet to make marks where I want them to; I suspect it could be an age thin#or the pen fell onto the floor too many times lol. or some kind of incompatibility with the replacement cord; which was generic#bc I'm not paying an arm and a leg to wacom for any damn thing when this thing was like. ten dollars. tho I overestimated how long-#it needed to be; which has caused its own host of problems. maybe it's a short then...#cannot remember if this was a problem before the old cord shit out a few years ago or not
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