My DCCU Interlude: The Legion of Super-Heroes (Part 5)
Chapter Five: Increasing Fatality
Lemme tell ya, there are few things I want more in a comic book movie or TV show than a team of villains. Already mentioned my desire for this in my Superman essay series, and I even planned out a trilogy of films with a supervillain team in the midst. And again, we haven't really seen an established team like that in shows, at least not one that made an impact. Sure, Smallville had their versions of the Suicide Squad, Legion of Doom, and Injustice League, but all of those...sucked. They sucked. There might be a team in Titans, but I doubt it. And the Flash's Rogues? One day...one day. That is a mountain of rage that I will climb on this blog. One damned day.
Anyway, the Legion of Superheroes, as a big team, certainly has a lot of villains, solitary and teamed-up. I've already brought in the Dark Circle as a part of this series, and tied them with legendary Legion adversary Mordru for good measure. And throughout these write-ups, I've been name-dropping a number of other villains as well. Yet still, there's the political factions found throughout the galaxy, and even on Earth. Plus, there's the Science Police acting as opponents. I already have plenty of players on the board. And yet, some seeds can easily be dropped for a few more.
Esper Lass for example will be a part of a cult introduced as part of Saturn Girl's origins on Titan, while one of her primary rivals, Eve Aries, could also be brought in as a part of her life there. Mekt Ranzz, Lightning Lad's brother, has quite a big role in this version's origins, and will absolutely be seen and introduced this season as a part of Garth's story. Grimbor the Chainsman or Tyr could be adversaries hired to face the Legion by the Dark Circle. And I'd love Kirt Niedrigh to be seen here, maybe as somebody who loves the Legion, or even as an opponent to the United Planets organization, but there's room for him, for sure.
But no, Season 1 of this series would set up some of the most important enemies of the Legion and United Planets, showing each one of them in one way or another, until finally bringing them together in the second season of the series. That season will set up another group of antagonists, the Legion of Super-Villains, of which Esper Lass, Mekt Ranzz, Eve Aries, and Tyr are members. Add to that building tensions against aliens throughout these three seasons, and you have a fourth season antagonist set up in the form of Earth-Man. But of course, we'll be looking at the second season antagonists with first season set-ups in this post. So let's set them up one-by-one, starting with the most famous of all. Finally.
Emerald Empress: Unlimited Power
There have been many Emerald Empresses in comic books and media, all with their own strengths and weaknesses. There was Cera Kesh, the teenager given a She's All That style makeover with an Eldritch twist. There was Falyce, the SA victim from Orando who was driven insane by her circumstances (yeah, unfortunately). There was sugar baby Ingria Olav, who was literally given a knockoff Eye by her rich boyfriend. There's even been Legionnaire Shrinking Violet (AKA Salu Digby), or Young Justice's Ursa of House Zod. But for my money...there's only one true Emerald Empress. And that's the original: Sarya of Venegar.
Sarya, at full power, is absolutely terrifying. With the mysterious and all-powerful Emerald Eye of Ekron at her side, not only was she a formidable member of her supervillain team, the Fatal Five, but she was also the only member of the team to be a genuine and recurring threat outside of that group. Not the only one who mattered outside of their connection to the Five, but definitely the only one who was a genuine threat independently. She took over Weber's World, home of the United Planets, while working with the Dark Circle. She broke and shattered Legionnaires in her wake at full power. Sarya was a force to be reckoned with. For a little more about her, check out the Profile Post I made a little while ago.
But maybe the most important question to answer first revolves around the Eye itself. The Emerald Eye of Ekron contains all of the power of the Emerald Empress, and has been shown, in some cases, to literally possess the user, with Sarya being the best example of this. In this series, that will also be the case, but the Eye will be a lot more powerful...in a much different way. So, yeah, let's talk about my version of the Eye.
In truth, it doesn't really matter who Ekron was or is. Legends would exist around his particular corner of the galaxy, a sector which contains the planet Venegar amongst others. These stories range from world-to-world, referring to him as a legendary hero, a Green Lantern, an Elder God of the Third World, etc. No one story is ever confirmed, and again, it doesn't really matter. What does matter is the power of the Eye, and its resting place. Ekron was a being of willpower and magic, able to summon limitless amounts of power and energy, as well as being able to bestow that power amongst an initially willing participant.
However, this power comes at a cost of sanity and control. The party in possession of the Eye will eventually find that the Eye is actually in possession of them, seeking a mortal conduit to enact its power-seeking will. Whatever the full Ekron was, it was torn asunder eons ago, and the remaining pieces of its body were scattered throughout the sector to prevent it from reforming. In my headcanon, this is one of the early victories of the Manhunters, as commanded by the Guardians of the Universe. In any case, one of its burial sites was Venegar, where the Eye was enshrined and enshrouded in an ancient crypt, never to be opened or released...until...
Venegar is a tropical forest world, known for its resort locales and therefore fueled by interplanetary tourism. This is a somewhat recent development, as Venegar had been a poor and isolated world up through the end of the 30th century. However, around this point, a small child became lost in the deepest portion of the jungle planet, isolated from her family while they were traveling through. From there, she was called to a cave, deep in the jungle, where she first found the ancient tomb. There, the latent power of the Eye saw a child that could be manipulated into harnessing its power. She was given the ability to read the runes in the cave, then offered a wish, which was for her nomadic family to find a home.
Soon after this, the young girl's family settled not far from the jungle cave, granting the young girl's wish. This began the deepset bond between the girl and the Eye. Over the years, this girl, named Sarya, would come to visit the cave again and again, and the Eye would grant wishes for her to the best of its limited ability. Its corrupting influence worked on Sarya as well, and as she grew into a young woman, her desires became for selfish and power-hungry. At this point, her family had become fairly wealthy, and the planet itself began to gain more business due to subtle machinations of the Eye. Sarya herself wanted to be in the seat of this building power, as well as to remain beautiful and young, which was within the power of the Eye to maintain.
As Venegar grew, it gained interplanetary influence, and eventually gained the attentions of the United Planets, as the organization was just beginning to form. At this point, Sarya had worked up the ranks in Venegar's society to become a well-known figure, and high-ranking politician. Designing itself after other planets, Venegar was styled as a republic and democracy, which meant that Sarya's potential pull was somewhat limited. But at the age of 25, she had become the youngest senator in Venegar's history, and by the time she was 45, she was the clear representative for the planet on an intergalactic scale.
And it's at this point where you might be thinking, "Wait a minute...is this just Star Wars?" Good spot! Look, for all the stupid shit George Lucas did with his story over the years, the best thing throughout his films was Palpatine. His build of power throughout the original trilogy, as well as his manipulations and corruptions are the best things about the prequel trilogy, in my opinion (even if it doesn't always make sense). So, yeah, we should be getting some real Chancellor Palpatine vibes with Sarya. However, she'll be much subtler in her schemes, and her ambitions aren't quite as wide-reaching...at first.
Sarya knows that the path to power is to get Venegar incorporated as a part of the United Planets, and to become a part of that system in general. Using the wealth, clout, and newfound popularity of her world, as well as the help of her secret friend, the Eye, these goals are accomplished as planned, and Sarya becomes senator when she's 50. Her political ambitions continue, and she becomes the frontrunner for President of the United Planets by the time she's 65. Not that she looks 65, since the Eye has kept her young and vital during this time, which she plays off as a rare Venegarian genetic quirk (another part of her machinations and illusions with the Eye).
When the series begins, Sarya is in her second year as United Planets President. She's practically worshiped on her home planet, which will be prominent later on in the series, and she's well-liked throughout the United Planets as well. She's also had the piece of the cave temple to the Eye secretly brought here as a part of her homestead. Sarya seeks to expand scope of the United Planets, and struggles with convincing some worlds to join. Allowing Brande to form his Legion is a part of her plans, as is instigating war and conflict that would convince planets to join in order to gain further power and protection. This gives her knowledge and ties to many factions of the galaxy, both political and criminal. And again, that'll come into play later.
Here's the thing with power, though; it's a corrupting influence. And Sarya's long been corrupted. So, over the course of the first season, this corruption will rear its ugly head over and over again, although Sarya's actual role won't be revealed until the season finale, where the Legion will end up confronting her with this evidence. She will have been a pretty powerful ally for the Legion in public, but we'll know of her manipulations behind the scenes throughout the latter half of the season (with her role being essentially a mid-season reveal). Sarya will also be affiliated with the Dark Circle, using them and her various connections to act against the Legion, and further the cause of the United Planets as a result.
However, once Sarya's villainy is revealed, she'll be removed from her position in the United Planets, replaced by rival and politician of high standing, Winema Wazzo (mother of Legionnaire Tinya Wazzo, AKA Phantom Girl). While she's placed under watch and house arrest as investigations are set to take place, this is apparently for naught, as in the season finale, a massive emerald green explosion occurs within her living quarters. The only thing left behind is a charred body of a young woman, leaving the authorities and Legion to believe that this was an assassination carried out by the Dark Circle. Maybe that emerald green color is even seen in other parts of the season during local Legion fights, as sort of a clue to Sarya's involvement in conflicts like this.
Shortly afterwards, seemingly under the weight of the scandal, Venegar withdraws from the United Planets, and becomes closed off and isolated for the next few years. However, this is all the result of Sarya, who hadn't died in the explosion as assumed, but simply escaped with the Eye. The next time we see Venegar, it's completely changed in its political structure and prosperity. Realizing that power through legitimate channels is no longer possible, and wanting revenge against the Legion and United Planets for her ousting and failure, Sarya uses the Eye to remake her world as an empire, and claims the throne as the Emerald Empress. From her seat of local power, she will take over the United Planets the hard way: by conquering it.
Having the enslaved populace of Venegar under her thrall, she needs allies to act outside of the planet's borders. These allies will make their appearances throughout the first season, for the most part, as some of the more dangerous villains of the Legion. On their own, they comprise an episode-length threat. But together, and under the command of the Empress? That's a problem.
Mano: Right Hand of His God
Mano is, in my opinion, one of the most wasted power sets in the Fatal Five, specifically in terms of origin. See, Mano is terrifying. In his right hand, he contains enough power to destroy a planet. And he did it to his own goddamn planet. To be fair, that's definitely one of those comic book exaggerations that display a complete misunderstanding of science and the laws of the universe...but there is somewhat of an explanation for this. Mano's ability is the power to channel antimatter through his right hand, and to use it to destroy matter. Interesting.
The character usually doesn't have much of an origin (you can see a consolidated retelling of his origin in this post of mine), but he's always a mutant of some kind. I'm actually going to lean in a slightly different direction with him, and make him into a mutate. In my incarnation, Mano was a miner native to the impoverished planet of Angtu, specifically looking for the rare mineral valorum found there. While digging one day, he finds a strange blue metal. As he mines it, the exposure to it begins to change him. He also feels a pull and desire to excavate the full sample of the metal, as if it possesses power. His sanity begins to unravel, as his body begins to change.
Eventually, he's found within his mining uniform, unconscious and changed. The full metal piece has been unearthed, but it means nothing to anybody. However, those in the know would be able to identify it as a piece of armor belonging to a very important figure.
Hey, Tumblr? Quick word, real quick. Why are there no GIFs of the flippin' Anti-Monitor from Green Lantern: The Animated Series? I didn't really want to use the Arrowverse version, and I'm compromising by using the Aya version of the character, but...yeah, what the hell? We gotta get on that, people. Anyway, yeah, this is a piece of the Anti-Monitor's armor. For those not in the know, this is sort of a massive deal. Hinting, hinting, at the presence of this guy means that Crisis on Infinite Earths is a possibility in this universe. And honestly, I'm not saying it isn't possible. But that said: why?
Because the Anti-Monitor is from the Anti-Matter universe. Yeah. Why has nobody made this connection before for Mano? Basically, Mano gets his antimatter ability via exposure to a piece of the armor of the Anti-Monitor, and through a connection to the Anti-Matter Universe, which he channels through his right hand. This connection also drives him insane, and he begins to think of himself as a force of destruction, paving the way for the death of the world and universe by clearing the path, as it were. And so, Mano begins to make his way through his planet, becoming a force of destruction as prophesied, until, yes, he destroys the entire planet.
But Mano, essentially invulnerable at this point, is unharmed by this, and instead floats through space until eventually finding a new planet, one covered by the United Planets. This takes years, which makes Mano's sanity further vanish. By the time we meet him, he's completely lost his memories of his past life, and any record of him in the past is lost with Angtu. He's become a minor legend in his sector, destroying any ships or beings that come to close, and raving about his role as the herald of the anti-matter universe. His threat will be combated by the Legion, but will also represent a major challenge for them. He'll be captured by the Legion, but he won't be held for long.
Come the second season, Mano will have escaped, and the Emerald Empress will look to him as a major member of her Fatal Five. And in one of the battles with the Legion, he'll give a Legionnaire a major blow. Possibly as a mid-season event, the Fatal Five will finally form and attack the Legion. And in the process, Garth Ranzz is going to come extremely close to destruction when Mano grabs his right arm. And if you know anything about Garth in the comics (or even the animated series), that arm is gone. Honestly, he'll be lucky to escape with just that loss.
Tharok: Half-Man, Half-Robot, All Danger
If you look back to the Lightning Lad essay, you may notice that I name drop Tharok as an interplanetary gang leader. In this universe (and actually, in the comics as well), Tharok was a gang leader and a thug, with a normal fleshy body. Native to the planet Zadron, he's a nomadic criminal with various criminal ties. Mostly work for hire, his men are smugglers and thieves called the Scavengers. They mostly deal in antique weaponry and drugs, selling and moving them when necessary. They're also in cahoots with the Dark Circle, acting as their minions when the money and job is right.
Tharok is not the leader of the Scavengers when we first meet him. He's instead the second in command to an older man known only as Lynceus, who claims to be immortal. Tharok, clever in his own ways, seizes power of the course of the first season, and eventually gets Lynceus captured by the authorities, taking command of the Scavengers himself. The Legion drives the Scavengers into hiding, under the new lead of Tharok, after Garth has attempted to question him about the whereabouts of his brother, Mekt. But once driven to ground, he won't reappear for a bit. And once he does, he'll do something truly stupid.
Towards the end of the season, the Scavengers are floundering beneath Tharok's command. Truly unable to lead in Lyceus' stead, the group has dwindled to pathetic numbers. On top of this, Tharok is taking less-than-stellar jobs. One of these comes from the Dark Circle, whom Lyceus chose not to work with, due to their questionable goals. Seeing only dollar signs, though, Tharok has taken a dangerous job for an ancient Justice League era weapon, dating back to the 21st century at least. Specifically, this is the sonic cannon used by the legendary Titan, Cyborg. It's at this point that Garth and the Legion catch up to them, after waiting for their reappearance.
Garth, being the impulsive hothead that he is, immediately plows through the Scavengers to get to Tharok. He eventually finds him, only for Tharok to use the cannon as a weapon. However, the years have not been kind to this weapon, and an unstable power source is one of its many problems. The other problem is Garth, who attempts to disarm Tharok by destroying the weapon...only for it to explode, heavily damaging the entire left half of his body. And while he can be saved, the Scavengers are fully defeated by the Legion, and Tharok is taken into custody. And this is where his real story begins.
Why would I use Cyborg's arm as the weapon that explodes? In the comics, it's a nuclear weapon, but I feel like that's a little too much, realistically. Plus, why would that be a viable option to steal in the 31st century? Honestly, it doesn't have to be Cyborg's arm, but I would like it to be a reference to the heroes we know and love. But to be honest, I chose that particular weapon for poetic reasons. Because like Victor Stone, Tharok is going to have the left side of his body completely replaced with cybernetics. But unlike Cyborg, he's going to be far more dangerous.
Tharok is saved on the demand of the United Planets, so that he may be questioned for his connections to the Scavengers and Dark Circle. This is engineered by Sarya, who wants more information on how much is known about the Circle in connection to her in particular. Writing's showing on the wall at this point in the season. But the cybernetic enhancements also give Tharok a literal computer brain. Combined with the sadistic criminality of the original Tharok, and you have a robotic murderer on your hands. Unsurprisingly, Tharok will be devising several plans of escape, but he'll stay incarcerated until the second season, when Sarya will get in contact with him to join her team to destroy the United Planets and the Legion. In that time, he'll have continued his operations with a new group of Scavengers from afar, even while imprisoned, as well as engineering the murder of Lyceus in Takron-Galtos.
The new and improved Tharok is the brains of the group, able to see the flaws in any plan the Fatal Five will formulate, and adjust them to make them foolproof and as deadly as possible. Plus, his cybernetic body isn't exactly a pushover, outfitted with self-designed weaponry. With his brains, Empress' leadership, and Mano's power, this is already a formidable group. Let's, uh...let's make that even worse, shall we?
Persuader: Unstoppable Edge
Hoo boy, Persuader. This character is both ridiculously overpowered, and barely explained in a lot of ways. In the original comics, he's a former gangland leader who has an impossibly sharp axe. That's just the 31st century version, Nyeun Chun Ti, but there are also 21st century versions, like Superman enemy Cole Parker, and Teen Titans enemy Elise Kimble. Each has a different origin for their axe...maybe. In fact, the axe is maybe the most important and least-explained feature of the Persuader, so let's talk about that.
The Atomic Axe has the ability to cut through anything. And I mean anything. It's sharp enough to split atoms, it regularly gives Superman a run for his money, and it can even sever air supply, gravity, light, the soul, or reality. See what I mean by overpowered. While the OG axe is never really explained, the 21st century versions are magical, made by...a random-ass dude who's never explained. Yeah, it's not great, honestly. However, the Parker incarnation of the character does add two intriguing things, in my opinion. Again, it makes the Axe magic, which does make a lot of sense, and which I'll be using here. And secondly, it makes him a cult leader. I don't want to bring another cult into this, necessarily...so let's just use the one I've already established, shall we?
One of the weapons that Tharok's going to smuggle is an enchanted axe, carved with runes that essentially could break reality if the axe were completed. Made of a special allow of Nth metal that has some magical properties, this is an unbreakable axe that instead breaks whatever the user wants to break. Thus, only the most dedicated and focused can actually use the axe. Its origins, though, are unknown. The most likely explanation is that it belonged to a member of Earth's League of Assassins, but the reason for this is lost to time.
When Tharok comes across this during a heist early in the first season (likely the first time we see him), he happens upon this weapon by chance, and steals it for the Circle. They grant it to one of their most powerful warriors and initiates, a tattoo-covered magic-wielder named Châu Thị Nguyễn, from Earth. For the record, the name Nyeun Chun Ti makes no sense, from what I can tell, so I went for a straight-up Vietnamese name, as well as changing one more thing. When we meet Nguyễn, it's under cover of a shroud and mask. But now christened the Persuader, she is ready to face off against the Legion of Super-Heroes.
So, yeah, I'm gender-bending Persuader! Why? Well, frankly, there's only one woman on the team, so we could use the diversity. Also, the name problem. I wanted to get as close to the original name as I could, and my options are pretty gender limited, far as can see. One more thing here, too: I really want an AAPI person for this role. Mostly because the name was always meant to be Vietnamese, but also because some diversity would be nice here. Honestly, I haven't brought up race as of yet, since I haven't seen any characters where I think that matters as of yet. However, for Persuader, I'll place that limit. The only other issue here is that I'd love a particularly imposing actress here. Persuader should be a terrifying presence in their way, so that should be in mind when casting. No ideas personally on that front, but this is sort of a fantasy cast for me.
In truth, Persuader is more of a quiet and imposing threat. When we first see her, she'll be partnered up with two other major threats, each with their own iconic weaponry, and all part of or working for the Dark Circle. While Persuader is actively a part of the Dark Circle, and therefore a worshiper of Mordru and a magic user through her Axe, the others are hired to go up against the Legion. One is Grimbor the Chainsman, a more charismatic figure who'll come back as a recurring threat later on. The other is Hunter, AKA Adam Orion, a tech user and assassin. Each a threat on their own, they'll eventually team up against the Legion, with the Persuader being the clear threat between the three. At the end of this fight in question, Hunter will be dead, with his son to take his place in a future season, and Grimbor will get a new job, rather than working for the Circle. Persuader, on the other hand, will be captured and imprisoned in Takron-Galtos with Tharok, only to be freed as a member of the Fatal Five in the second season.
And that leaves one. And he's a biggun.
Validus: Complicated Simpleton
Here's the thing with Validus: his comic book origin is messy as shit. In the original continuity, he's the son of Saturn Girl and Lightning Lad, kidnapped by Darkseid and sent backwards in time, then given a massive mutated body and childlike mind, while inheriting the electric and psychic powers of his parents. BUT, he got better and became their child again in the present day, and the comics completely forgot this element of his origin. So, I'm also going to ignore this. Honestly, I just wanted to share, because Valifud is a great example of how soap opera dramatic the Legion comics got.
Validus is the muscle and powerhouse, with a body and mind that pack a physical punch. Of the Legion members, he's very much the most physically intimidating, but is also often one of the easiest to deal with. That's assuming you have a psychic on the team, of course. If you don't then...yeah, you may have a bit of a problem dealing with him. Dude can go one-on-one with Superman with only a little issue, and he's a solid threat. He should also be the only one who we don't see the Legion dealing with in the first season. Hints of him would be great, but he shouldn't pop up until season 2, possibly for the season premiere when we introduce some new members of the Legion.
So what's his story? Frankly, I don't know that it matters so much, but I actually do have one! He's a genetic experiment, engineered by the alien race known as the Dominators, as a weapon of war. Originally made around 100 years ago, Validus was the most powerful of his kind, made using the genetic material of multiple races, but with the ability to be easily controlled. When he grew too powerful, however, having destroyed the other members of his brood, he was put into a psychic hibernation and sent into the stars on a wandering invisible prison disguised as an asteroid. Essentially, Validus is a futuristic version of Doomsday, and actually has some of the original Doomsday's genetic material within him.
Validus would be a rumor, confirmed only to the most knowledged of the Dominator activities. However, with the formation of the United Planets, tensions with the Dominators are building once again. And as this is happening, Validus is somehow released from his prison. The slurry of genetic material within him allows him to unleash psychokinetic blasts that mimic different forms of energy, especially electricity. His strength rivals that of Kryptonians, and he's essentially invulnerable to physical attacks. I'm also giving him the ability to increase his size somewhat, but this will only happen when he meets Season 2 Legion member Colossal Boy for the second time. Validus should be a terror, but still defeatable by an experienced Legion, especially if Saturn Girl can wrest control of his empty mind.
Emerald Empress, having been President of the United Planets, is aware of Validus' existence, and was the one responsible for freeing Validus. This is part of a plan to pin this on the Dominators, escalating tensions and trying to spark another war. In her tenure as President, we'll find out that Sarya subtly escalated many conflicts, in order to make the United Planets seem more necessary to those planets in peril. Once Validus is defeated by the Legion, he's indeed traced back to the Dominators, which massively complicates matters for UP President Winema Wazzo.
Validus is brought to a moon of prison planet Takron-Galtos and imprisoned, where he'll eventually be broken out by Emerald Empress and brought into the Fatal Five. And in this fight, one of the Legionnaires will be permanently broken by Validus. And honestly, I'm not sure if I want him to live through that attack. That's mostly because, in the original comics, Validus kills Lyle Norg, AKA Invisible Kid. Like I said, though, I don't know if I want to kill him off. It's a thought, though. It's a thought.
With that said, that's essentially the story of the Fatal Five in this series, as well as setting up most of the conflict for Season Two. By building up the Five throughout Season One, then actually bringing them together in Season Two, we see this rising conflict that should generate investment and anticipation for the future. And in the same way, the Legion of Supervillains will be built up for Season Three, as well as the various political tensions building up between both seasons to prompt wars during Season Three, amongst a few other things to be built up. After all, Mordru is still a looming threat, even without the Dark Circle in play.
I'd talk more about my ideas for Season Two in one of these essays, but I'd also like to get back to my regularly scheduled programming on this channel, in truth. However, I will have one more short essay, detailing some elements of the plot for Season One. Not necessarily an episode-by-episode breakdown, but a general idea of the plot and story beats. As said, I'm not a writer, so it won't be amazing...but I'll give it a shot!
See you in Part Six!
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Chapter 50. Goodbye Australia
I can’t believe we’ve been here for two years. How has it already been 22 months!?
We’ve basically lived here just as long as the UK, yet our time in Sydney feels more like a semester abroad. I know the toilets flush a different direction here, but does time move faster too?? Are we so far away from the rest of Earth that there’s relativity distortion???
Regardless of how quickly it’s arrived, our time in Sydney is coming to an end. Like anywhere we’ve live, Sydney had its highs and lows, though I’m surprisingly more sentimental about Australia than any of our previous homes. Australia is a unique and special place, and this goodbye post will capture how proud and fondly Chelsay and I will remember our time Down Under.
The best and worst of Australia can actually be captured by the setting from where I’m writing this post. It’s 6:30 AM. The sun is rising, and I’m looking out my window at an empty Manly Beach, the vast Pacific Ocean in the distance. I have my iced coffee because it’s 85 degrees. It’s quiet. The setting is just perfect.
The birds start to rise from their evening slumber. Some light chatter. But then the magpies wake up. And then cockatoos. And then kookaburras. Pretty soon the romantic notion of waking up to birds chirping has turned into Baghdad. And that’s Australia in a nutshell: an absolute dream for the right amount of time, but then the magpies start & you know it’s time to wake up.
Now, it’s obviously more complex than that. Australia may be the most perfect place in the world to raise a family. First, the weather and setting are unmatched. Anywhere. In an age where American and British kids are glued to screens, Aussie kids are distracted from their phones or TV by sunshine, swimming, and surfing. Chelsay and I first observed this when we discovered the Northern Beaches.
Sydney has some phenomenal coastal walks, but our hikes through the Northern Beaches were my favorite. For 15 months, we were ferrying over to Watson’s Bay for the Bondi-to-Coogee. We’d wrap up with a frosé slushee from Coogee Pavilion, and stop in CBD on the way back for 678 Korean BBQ. It was great.
But one weekend, we instead decided to head north to see how many beaches we could cover by foot. North Manly, Freshwater, Curl Curl, Dee Why, Collaroy, Narrabeen. Pretty soon, we’d walked 20 miles and were stunned. This beautiful, quiet coastline had been in our backyard the whole time!?
The Northern Beaches walks became our “Richmond Park” equivalent, and as we walked barefoot along the sandy beaches, Chelsay and I took note of the young families. Their kids weren’t stuck back on the beach blanket, looking at their phones. It’s impossible when your spoiled by one of the best settings in the world. They played backyard games on the beach, or volleyball, or ran around with their border collies. Dads surfed with their sons and moms & daughters worked out with the lifesaving club. Yeah, the LIFESAVING CLUB. Instead of tee-ball, Aussie kids are learning to swim out in the ocean and save people. It’s easy to see how Aussies have great attitudes when they’re raised in an environment like this.
That actually brings me to my next point about why Australia is special: the people. Just phenomenal. There are a couple bad eggs like anywhere, but on the whole, Aussies are light hearted, funny, kind, optimistic, and always after a good time. At work, I had the most supportive and entertaining colleagues, enabling the best two years of my career so far. When learning to surf, strangers were welcoming and encouraging (they would tell us when to paddle and cheer when we caught a wave!). And only Aussies could come up with sayings like “Piss in your pocket”, “Good bloke, like a beer” and “We’re not here to ____ spiders.”
I have two stories to exhibit this lovable Aussie attitude. The first came when Chelsay and I visited the Museum of Industry. It was the 50th anniversary of the Apollo 11, so the museum was hosting a NASA exhibit. The whole thing was great: it was all about how Aussies helped with the moon landing. Really, they played a very small part by simply receiving the camera feed from the moon, which was only due to the Earth’s rotation making them best positioned for Armstrong’s first step. But the Aussies had so much pride in contributing to the accomplishment. They didn’t have the resources to send a man to the moon, but when the time came, Aussies happily and proudly stepped in.
My second story comes from North Curl Curl. Chelsay and I were on one of our Northern Beaches walks, when we came across a kids surf contest. (Again, instead of peewee football, Aussie children have surf competitions.) Anyway, the scene was great. It was sunny, the parents had come out to watch, and one of the teenagers set up a microphone to give play-by-play. Some highlights:
“Aw I’m calling it: best day of the year. The waves are rolling, sausages are rolling.”
“There are sets! Out! The back!”
“Suns out, buns out! Well no buns yet, but the lasses will be here soon.”
“Just a reminder to any surfers: yield your waves to the kids. You got a problem with that, we’ve got a group of 20 locals here. Get amongst it.”
This teen captured what it means to be Australian: funny, positive, and energetic.
I actually have a bonus third story about how much I love Aussie attitudes. Perhaps no story better sums up Australia’s priority of just having a good time than Steven Bradbury. Bradbury was an Australian speed skater that made it to the 1000m finals of 2002 Winter Olympic. As a quick aside, it’s a testament to Aussie athleticism that there is zero snow in the country yet they consistently compete and medal at the Winter Olympics. Back to Bradbury though. He basically only made the finals because all of his opponents crashed in the semi-finals. So now he’s in the finals. He’s matched up against the three fasted skaters in the world, and he knows he really shouldn’t be there. So, for 950m, he holds back. He’s enjoying that he’s made the finals in the Winter Olympics, taking in the moment and happy to let the other skaters fight. The front runners are stressed throughout, constantly passing one another and jockeying to take the lead.
With 50m left, Bradbury is a full 15m back. But then the aggression of the front runners costs them - after battling on the last turn, they all tumble. Bradbury, who was just enjoying a leisurely skate, passes them all and somehow with a grin and somehow wins gold! His quote afterwards captures his Aussiness: “I was the oldest bloke in the field and I knew that. Skating four races back to back, I wasn't going to have any petrol left in the tank. So there was no point in getting there and mixing it up because I was going to be in last place anyway. So I figured I might as well stay out of the way and be in last place.”
“Doing a Bradbury” is now another phenomenal Aussie saying.
The weather and people of Australia certainly exceeded Chelsay and I’s hopes when we moved to Sydney. That said, we’d never been here before, so how could we really know what to expect? Here are some other Aussie realities that turned out different than expectations:
The biggest surprise is how isolated Australia is. I knew it was far away, but didn’t grasp just HOW far. This makes travel harder, both because of flight times and flight prices, which ultimately is the biggest drawback of Australia. Sure we had some absolutely amazing trips (New Zealand, Western Australian, Fiji and Indo all stand out), but a just weekend trip doesn’t get you as far as it would in London. For this time in Chelsay and I’s lives, we’re really looking to see as much as possible.
On the positive side, We expected more bugs, spiders, and snakes. These have been a non-factor in Manly.
Despite the absence of insects, there have been far more sharks than expected. Not Great Whites, but 5 foot Dusky Whalers, Reef Sharks, Wobbegongs, and Port Jackson’s. I see at least one almost every time I go for a swim. After swimming with about 100 sharks over the past year, both Chelsay and I are much more comfortable with them than expected.
We should be better at surfing. We live on an absolutely ideal beach to learn. Sure, we can competently stand on a 5-6 ft wave or catch the occasional “green face”, but we’d never be confused with pros. After two years, we can barely turn. Those kids in the North Curl Curl competition would surf circles around us.
Okay, we’ve made it to the end. As a “completeness check”, I took a look back at my Goodbye London post. That post was absolutely spot on - I perfectly predicted how I’d feel about London 24 months after leaving. It was such a good prediction that I actually feel a bit of pressure to do the same for Australia.
So here it goes. With Australia, I predict we’ll forget the lack of travel options and focus more on memories we did make. The freedom of driving through outback in Western Australia and the Top End. Drinking wine, snacking on “the goods”, and listening to the hits on a warm night in Esperance. Vacations visiting dinosaurs (Komodo) or other worldly Mordor (New Zealand). Day trips near Sydney to see koalas (Port Stephens) or kangaroos and wombats (Kangaroo Valley). Chic brunches on the Sunshine Coast, and capturing all the Pokémon (Aussie wildlife) on trips to Tassie, the Barrier Reef, and Far North Queensland. Our long weekend walks through the Northern Beaches, followed by delivery daal from our favorite Indian place.
Ultimately though, what I’ll miss most is the free Saturdays and Sundays that we so easily take for granted. Waking up and getting a pretzel croissant from Sonoma. Watching the surfers from the corso, followed by barefoot morning walk along the beach. Grabbing our boards, snorkels, a book, and some guacamole and hitting the beach. Ending the day with chicken nuggets, truffle fries, and an elderflower spritz at Hemingway’s. Taking in the unbelievably colorful sunsets EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!
Unlike London, there won’t be sights or events or attractions that I miss about Australia. It will be the feeling of a free weekend in Manly, the hot sun, and warm Aussies around us.
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