#even befor getting sick i hadn't been eating and drinking near enough for a while

[le-panda-chocovore]

I told you guys I was going to write it

"No, you don't."

Toji's voice echoed on the walls and in Shiu's ears like an ineluctable truth. He stood still, arm crossed on his chest, staring at the middleman with an unimpressed look on his face.

"What ?"

"I said you don't," he repeated but it still didn't make sense to the Korean man. "You don't love me."

Shiu blinked and stayed silent. What was he even supposed to say to that ? What kind of rejection was that ? He expected many things from Toji, he honestly didn't think the man would accept his feelings easily, but this was more violent and weird than any scenario he had played in his head before confessing. He was so ready to handle Toji being on the defensive, claiming that he's not interested in men (despite them fucking every now and then, often after a job), that now he didn't know how to react to the man saying that he -Shiu- didn't actually love him. As if he was wrong about his own feelings.

It could be worse, Shiu thought. Toji could have laughed at him or called him a slur. That wouldn't be too surprising. Actually, that would be more realistic than Toji's actual reaction.

"What makes you say that ?" And, because the other man didn't answer the question, Toji felt the need to elaborate. "What makes you think that you have feelings for me ?"

"Huh," Shiu hesitated, because this was a weird thing to ask someone who just confessed.

It was embarrassing enough to fall in love with Toji Fushiguro -the infamous Sorcerer Killer- and it had been hard to gather the courage to tell him, and now he was supposed to justify his feelings ? Was this a prank or what ? Did he anger a god or something ? How did he even end up in this painfully ridiculous situation ?

"Well," he started and immediately looked away. Toji's insensitive stare was uncomfortable. "Hum, I guess I... I feel happy when you're around ? I mean, sure you're annoying, you're a sick bastard, but you still manage to make me feel better just by standing near me. I can't stop myself from looking at you whenever we're in the same room, I want to touch you and kiss you and talk to you. So... Yeah, things, like that, you know ?"

Toji hummed lightly. He hadn't moved an inch, eyes entirely focused on the man who apparently was insane enough to fall in love with him. Or to believe so.

Shiu was uncomfortable. He wanted to go home. He knew he'd regret confessing, he regretted having feelings even before talking about them. He had no idea what was on Toji's mind or what he wanted him to say, so he kept going, hoping that the man would finally stop staring holes through his soul like that.

"And, uh, when you smile... Fuck that's embarrassing- Hum, alright. When you smile or laugh it does something to my heart, I can't really explain it, but it feels good."

"That's it ?" Toji asked with a raised eyebrow. He didn't look convinced at all. "That's not love Shiu, you just find me good-looking, you don't have actual feelings."

Shiu frowned. He was getting frustrated and annoyed by that shithead's attitude. He didn't go through all stages of grief when he realized he was in love for that bastard to tell him he doesn't know what Love is. That was bullshit. He had spent a while wondering about his feelings, trying to hide them or deny them before finally accepting them. He wasn't an inexperienced teenager who didn't know the difference between finding someone handsome and being actually in love.

"You want more proofs ? Alright, let's go through this. I already started so I might as well tell you everything."

Shiu sighed and silently prayed to not blush while declaring all the cheesy thoughts he had about that motherfucker.

"I learned your favorite dish, and your favorite drink, and your favorite TV show too. I even learned how to cook it so you can eat it when you're staying at my place. I hesitated to buy something for your birthday, but you don't like celebrating it so I didn't do it. I also bought XXL clothes so you have something to wear when you come here unannounced and decide to stay a few nights. I actually want you to stay every night, and every day. I want to take you on a date, hold your hand when we're outside, share some food in a shitty restaurant because why not, go watch a movie and fall asleep against your shoulder cause the movie would be boring. I want to kiss you even when we're not fucking. I can't get enough of your lips, I want to taste them every hour of each day and to call you with a stupid petname because you're adorable and I fucking love you. And this is stupid, I don't even know why I'm talking so much, but you're doing this to me and I'm not going to pretend these fucking feelings don't exist."

He took a deep breath after blurting out all of this and tried not to think about how much he wanted to bury himself in the ground. He couldn't look at Toji, but he could feel that the killer was still staring at him.

"That doesn't mean anything," Toji retorted dubiously. "I feel that too and I'm not in love with you."

Shiu blinked.

"What ?" He turned his eyes toward the man. "What the fuck do you mean, you feel the same ???"

Toji sighed as if it was a stupid question. Shiu wanted to punch him because he was clearly not the one being stupid right now.

"Well, what you just said," he waved vaguely at Shiu. "That's what I feel when I'm with you. The heart thing with your cute smile and wanting to touch you 'cause you're warm. And your place is nice, there's good food and hot water, I wanna stay too. But since I don't have feelings, it means you mixed up love with something else."

Shiu stared with his eyes wide open. He opened his mouth, closed it, breathed deeply, and opened it again. Toji chuckled quietly, he thought he looked like a very confused fish.

Shiu was indeed confused. Confused about how the hell did that grown ass man not realize that he was madly in love too. He just said he felt the exact same thing, and he dared to claim he didn't love him back ? That better be a prank.

"...You find me cute ?"

Toji shrugged.

"Yeah, sometimes." He said that as if it was normal. Shiu wanted to kiss him. And punch him too, but perhaps after making love passionately with that huge dumbass.

"And you'd like to stay at my place ?"

"You cook well, and your bed is comfortable. Better than mine."

"What about holding hands and kissing ?" Shiu tried, confused but hopeful.

"Yeah yeah, I told you, it's all the same ! Well, maybe not the clothes things cause I don't have money to spend on it, but sometimes I take your stuff home cause it has your smell and I like that."

"..."

He didn't even have the words to explain to him how not normal what Toji just said was. He stared. The bastard stared back.

The problem was pretty clear to Toji, and it wasn't really a problem since he managed to solve it in two minutes. There was nothing to worry about. They didn't need to stop their little coworker with benefits arrangement and Toji was quite happy with that. He also found it kinda funny that Shiu really believed he caught feelings. The middleman liked to pretend he was the mature and smart one but sometimes he was really dumb.

Toji understood how Shiu felt toward him, like he said it was exactly the same on his side. If it was like Shiu said, that'd mean that Toji had feelings too, which was completely ridiculous. Toji wasn't a romantic man, but as far as he knew, love was more like . . .

Since they felt the same thing then-

And Toji knew he wasn't-

Which meant-

...Oh.

Well, fuck.

Maybe Shiu did love him after all.

[despite-everything]

ive had such a good weekend. i have tuesday/wednesday off work. let me tell you about it

i slept in yesterday, which i hadn't been able to do in weeks. i'd been really exhausted and have been going pretty hard lately, so that was wonderful. spent the afternoon with my cat and organizing - i was recently out of town for a week, so it was really nice to spend good time with my cat. then i met my sister and her husband for dinner and had a really nice time. i'd been living with them for a few months, but moved out a while ago. it's hard to meet up with our schedules/work/home locations, so it was really nice. we shared papaya salad and summer rolls, and i had pho. split a taro-oat milk iced vietnamese coffee with my brother in law which was sweet but delicious. came home after and read with my cat.

today, i cooked myself a breakfast sandwich and cleaned the kitchen before heading out. got a blueberry soy milk iced latte (AMAZING) and tried a bakery i'd been wanting to try (got the red rice donut.. i liked the chewy texture, but the icing was too thick/sweet. also got an almond pastry for tomorrow) before heading to a tattoo appointment to finish a tattoo i'd already started. i was lowkey dreading it because the artist is superrrr heavyhanded. healing was such a bitch last time - i was super swollen and in a lot of pain. but the tattoo was beautiful and i loved the artist, so i wanted him to finish it. but this time it was shockingly fast and not nearly so painful!!! and i was a bit nervous because its on/around my elbow. my other elbow is also partially done, so i knew it would suck. i didn't fall asleep, but it was a near thing. i took some edibles before which was the right call (i know its not a great thing to get tattooed under the influence... i'd never do it after drinking, but i have enough tattoos to know it's gonna be okay if i'm a little high, and it helps me sit.) and after we were done, i chatted with the artist about ideas for a future backpiece, and he offered to help me with the process and even provide referrals if i want to work with a different artist which was soooo sweet. i might go back to get another small tattoo from him, but he can't be my go-to guy. i'm not that kind of masochist lol

after that, i picked up food at one of my favorite thai places (got pad see ew with tofu and greens (and i have leftovers for dinner tomorrow!), mango sticky rice (which is also in my fridge for tomorrow), and a thai iced tea. took it to a nearby park to eat/drink because the weather was perfect.

the park was near a cool movie theater/bar, so i looked up what they were screening tonight... and pricsilla, queen of the desert was playing in 15 minutes! i fucking love that movie but haven't seen it in ages. saw that, then walked to a dispensary (tattoo cost 1/2 of what i'd budgeted, and i don't like carrying that much cash, so i decided to stock up instead). got some stuff, then came home. now i'm hanging out with my cat, having just done my nails with oil in my hair. i'll shower in a bit and check out my tattoo again (sick as FUCK snake winding around/under my other tattoos)

i just had a really nice (but EXPENSIVE! my bank account is crying ngl. but this was kinda a belated 1-year on testosterone treat/celebration for myself. so it's okay. AND I JUST GOT A RAISE!!) weekend. i just to vent on this blog a lot about all the horrible shit in my life so i want to try sharing some of the good things now. i still have really bad moments, but starting hormones and moving across the country has really saved my life, and i'm learning how to love living.

if you read this i <3 you and hope you get to feel this happy soon

[dragongodryss]

Home

It had been two weeks since Rogue's release, and Sting's rental had expired. They needed to go. Besides, it wouldn't be safe to stay so close to the border for much longer.

Due to Rogue's injuries, he couldn't walk. Sting wasn't sure if that would ever change. The skin hadn't even begun to grow back.

They had agreed to go to Stella. It was close enough for them to make it fairly easily, and far enough from Fiore that they wouldn't easily be found. Frosch and Lector had flown them to the station, where Rogue had prompty fallen asleep as the medicine kicked in. Letting him get motionsick in his condition would have been extremely painful for him.

Sting was sitting on the train bunk, a large bucket in his hands and a sleeping Rogue leaning against him. Across from him, the cats slept peacefully.

He felt like crap, but as the train bore them ever further from Fiore, and with it Sting's crime, he started to feel as if he could start over. This time, he would keep his family safe.

The landscape turned to starry crystals as the train drove deeper into Stella, lighting up the world. It was probably beautiful, but Sting was too sick to care.

Finally, as the sun rose, the train pulled into the station. He woke Lector and Frosch so that they could take Rogue and the luggage while he dragged himself out of the train.

When his motionsickness cleared, Sting found a hotel. He quickly booked a room for them to stay the night in.

A week later, Sting had found a suitable house. It was a chalet in the mountains, near a village an hour from the town. It had more than enough room for the four of them. Three bedrooms was a bit excessive, but the location was perfect. It came with a small property just within their price range. Rogue had loved the pictures, and had been excited to be out of the hotel. The amount of people traipsing in and out were distressing to him.

They bought the house and Rogue packed a picnic. They made a day of the hike to the chalet.

Sting and the cats had been in and out of the house in the weeks before, getting it ready for Rogue's arrival. Frosch had usually stayed with Rogue while Lector had gone with Sting, but sometimes they had switched places.

On the hike, Sting was carrying Rogue on his back while the cats alternated between walking and flying. After half an hour, they stopped for lunch. They had made a late start.

Frosch and Lector spread the tablecloth and Sting put Rogue down on it, placing a kiss on his hand. Rogue blushed like Sting had asked him out on a first date and started unpacking the sandwiches and drinks. Frosch immediately dug in, and Lector soon followed suite. Sting sat down next to Rogue and took a cheese sandwich for himself. Rogue took a chicken sandwich and tucked in, smiling.

When Frosch had had her fill, she wandered off. Rogue tensed up, but Lector took one last sandwich before following her.

"What do you want to do when we get home?" Sting asked, leaning closer to Rogue.

"Hm… I want to find some nice nap spots." Rogue said, smiling. He wouldn't be disappointed. The chalet itself had all kinds of nooks and crannies he could curl up into for a nap. The area around it too, was filled with all kinds of potential spots.

Having finished eating, Rogue carefully lay down to catch some sunlight, a small, content smile on his face. Sting scarfed down the rest of his sandwich before lying down beside him, enjoying the warmth.

After a while, he heard the cats come back. Frosch sauntered over to Rogue, holding what smelled like flowers. Sting rolled over to get a proper look, seeing that she had a flower crown. She plopped it onto Rogue's head with a cheer, telling him it would help him get better. Rogue smiled up at her, assuring her that it did.

With Rogue now suitably outfitted, they packed up and walked the rest of the way to the chalet, with Sting starting a chorus of '99 bottles of beer'. He could practically hear Rogue's fond smile and exasperated eye roll as the cats joined in.

They reached the border of their land. Sting hadn't yet gotten used to how beautiful it was here. The autumn trees swayed lightly in the wind as they approached, the fresh air filling their lungs. It carried the scent of dried leaves, sap and algea from the small pond filled by the waterfall on the edge of the property.

Lector unlocked the door and let them in with a 'Tada!' It was warranted. The three of them had worked hard to make it feel like home. They didn't have a whole lot of furniture, but they'd added curtains and a tablecloths and stuff. Frosch had even put flowers in vases around the house to make it 'awelicious'. Whatever that meant.

He'd bought Rogue a nice armchair, which he had put by the window so that he could look out of it or even climb out of it to get some fresh air without being forced to walk. He knew that Rogue could shadow travel, and that he probably would most of the time, but he wanted to give Rogue the option to do it himself.

Sting put Rogue down in the armchair before helping him take off his coat.

"Welcome home, Rogue!" He declared, smiling.

"It's even more beautiful than I thought." Rogue breathed, looking around in amazement. It was. Almost as beautiful at Rogue, that is.

First Prev Next

[didderd]

First impression: oh hey cool artist making stuff about a disorder I'm curious about. Might as well follow him :)

Current impression: Still a good artist, takes better care of itself than most artists I follow, but still needs to remind themself to take breaks sometimes (like everyone)

I started following recently so my opinion hadn't changed/developed much.

(Also I know this might sound weird but I love your gender so so much. You're starting to make me want to try out it/its pronouns in private because I never really thought about that as an option before!!! But you can do anything with your gender!!! And it is so cool!!!!!)

ty! :'>

and SKDJVKJ YIS! go for it! (doesn't sound weird. i am actually very happy to hear that <333) i love my gender too. i love it/it's pronouns and neo pronouns. and jus. anything queer. i love being a queer lil creature. lil gremlin guy. so much love to my fellow queer lil gremlins, and especially fellow it/it's users <33333

(and i encourage anyone to experiment with queer things in any way. specially with pronouns. anything to your comfort. you won't find judgment here <333)

[inkflwrs]

Seasickness

Zoro helps rid you of seasickness and puts you to sleep in his own way.

CW: mentions of  vomiting, curse words, alcohol consumption, and sexual innuendos! (Otherwise it’s just fluff!) LITTLE TO NO PROOFREADING! ♡

Characters: Roronoa Zoro, GN Y/N, mentions of Luffy and Nami

an: sorry if the characters are a little ooc, I have just started the anime like yesterday so this is my first ever work for them... I just think Zoro is neat.

The ship rocked over the waves, making the contents of your stomach roll with them. Harsh breath left your lips as the upper half of you body leaned over the side of the boat. You were sure if someone looked at you your face would be cartoonish green from the bread and meat trying to slither it's way out to make another meal for the fish gliding beside the ship.

It was dark, the water looked like a bottomless abyss of black as your eyes stared down the side while you fought your seasickness. You didn't understand why you had suddenly become so sick in the night, you wondered if it had been something you ate. What kind of pirate gets seasick? A weak one. You and the rest knew that was furthest from the truth.

You didn't know what time it was all you knew was it was late as just a few hours ago you had been asleep in your own barrack and now as you looked around the ship the only one that seemed to be awake was your excitable captain Luffy. Although the rubber man seemed close to falling asleep at the helm, you would take over but you were too busy holding back throw up to take post.

"Eh? Y/N? What're you doing?" The voice behind you was low and filled with sleep. Without even coming up from the side you could hear the man adjusting himself in his trousers from the fabric scraping at skin. You chuckled softly as you pushed yourself back to standing position to look at the green haired swordsman with a bed head.

"Ah Zoro, you know just hanging out..." You laughed and he gave you another confused look as he reached under his plain shirt to scratch at his skin. You sighed and swallowed the best you could with your mouth watering, "Think I got food poisoning or maybe the sea is finally telling me I'm not fit to be a pirate anymore."

Zoro looked at you again as if his sleep induced brain wasn't getting it until his eyes widened and he nodded. The green haired approached, his bare feet padding against the wet board that only cause another queasiness in your stomach from the sound. Your eyes connected and he let out a small laugh.

"Nah, that meat you ate... It was near spoiled, Nami warned ya didn't she?" Zoro asked and you shook your head. Luffy's voice was heard in the distance just as the ship rolled over another wave that cause your stomach to do the same.

You clasped your hand over your mouth and before you knew it you were back over the side of the ship after pushing Zoro out of the way and back to emptying the contents of your stomach. Soft coughs left you and a low groan followed as your head spun from the rocking of the boat.

A gasp left you, making you choke on the tears the vomit had induced when a calloused hand placed itself on your back. Zoro's hand was warm and pressing just enough into you back to let his strength be known. You hummed at the comfort.

"Man you really are sick aren't ya?" Zoro's voice was softer this time and almost drowned out by the waves sloshing against the siding. "Y/N come with me, I got something that will help."

"Zoro... I can't move, if I move I will puke." You warned him and you heard a chuckle come the the swordsman. You raised your head to look up at him and his face that was one covered in sleep now had a smirk on his face. You knew that look all too well, you had challenged him unknowingly. Your eyes widened, "No-No don't pick me-"

"You throw up on me Y/N, I'll throw you overboard you hear me?" Zoro joked as he scooped up over his shoulder. Your view now being his backside and the wet board of the ship under his feet. He held you over his shoulder with your hips right beside his ear. Your unsettled stomach dug into his shoulder and the pressure relieved some of it's knotting.

You gave a hum and clasped a hand over your mouth as Zoro took his first step away from the side of the boat. Your eyes stared at the thin white fabric covering his back to keep you grounded on something other than thoughts of nausea as he carried you. The walk was short to wherever the man was taking you and before you knew it you were being placed onto soft sheets.

Zoro had brought you to his room. This wasn't the first time you had ever been in his room as the two of you shared a special bond with one another. If you were being honest most mornings you woke up in his bed. The only reason you hadn't been sleeping in these familiar sheets tonight is because the two of you knew rest was needed as the ships navigator Nami had informed them they would be hitting land soon.

You were thankful. Regardless of loving the sea, you still enjoyed being on land and sight seeing. Also the food you would get to try excited you the most, although right now food had turned into your enemy.

"Zoro, I don't think it would be smart to have se-"

"Eh!? I didn't bring you back here for that," Zoro said as he looked over his shoulder as he walked across the small room to where a small bag sat, "Although It would be fun, I don't think getting puked on would be a turn on for me." He laughed and you did the same.

You sighed as you leaned forwards with your head in your hands as you fought with another wave of nausea as the boat rocked. Your fingers dug into Zoro's sheets as the boat leaned and you almost fell. The need to yell at the captain for having such bad steering habits was going stronger with each wave the captain hit in the dark. You couldn't move though as Zoro’s sheets grounded you.

"Here, eat and drink this." Zoro's voice was over your head and you peeked up to see in his outreached hand a peeled banana and a wooden cup filled with brown liquid. You could tell it was whiskey from smell and you gave him a look as you took the items, "Eat that so it will settle your stomach and drink that whiskey so you can properly digest that meat you ate."

An inquisitive look settled on your face as you forced yourself to bite into the banana. You gagged as the flavor casted over your tastebuds and then took a sip of the whiskey. Another gag left you and you pressed the back of your hand to your mouth as you swallowed. Zoro laughed loudly as he leaned against his dresser.

“Don’t laugh at me,” You pointed at him and he raised hands in surrender, “You’re lucky I don’t puke all over your bed.”

“Your fault for eating eating spoiled meat, didn’t it taste funny to ya?”

“I didn’t know, I just thought it was some weird local seasoning the last place had for their food.” You argued as you bit into the banana again while looking him in the eyes. Zoro laughed as he rolled his eyes and walked over to the bed to sit next to you.

You leaned into him as you took another swig of whiskey. The feeling of it burning your chest slightly as it went down into your fairly empty stomach. His arm wrapped around your waist and you felt a soft peck to your temple as he thumbed over your side.

“Ah, just a little sickness, you’ll be okay in the morning.” Zoro assured as he took the empty cup from your fingers just as you bit into the last bite of the banana, “Feel better?”

You nodded as a small ‘thank you’ left your lips. You turned to him. His free arm pulling you closer and into his lap with his arms still around your waist. Zoro gave a hum as you nuzzled into his neck as he held you. Your stomach felt better and the warmth green haired man’s body left you feeling tired, after all it was the middle of the night.

“You’re warm.” You told him and he gave a soft chuckle.

“Wanna go back to sleep?” He asked and you nodded but whined when he moved to pull away, “Come on darlin’ your stomach’s finally settled lets go to sleep, I’ll still hold ya.”

Another soft agreement left you as you slid off his lap and into the covers. They were soft and smelt of Zoro’s natural scent with hints of sun rays from being washed recently. A sigh left you as your body finally settled to a complete relaxed state. Your eyes fluttered as Zoro reached over your form to put out the small oil lamp that brightened his dark room.

You smiled when you felt that calloused hand place itself on your head. You turned your head slightly and placed a small kiss to the inside of his wrist just before you playfully nipped at the skin. The sound of Zoro sucking on his teeth was heard before his lips place a peck to your forehead as he laid next to you.

“Do that again and I’ll make your stomach feel something again.” He teased. You let out a gasp as you turned to your side and sent a smack behind you that barely grazed his shoulder. Zoro’s arm wrapped around your waist again before he pulled you flush against him. Your back now pressed against his chest and his knee now between your thighs. A position you two were both used to.

“Maybe tomorrow night.” You told him as you snuggled deeper into the pillow. Another chuckle rumbled out of him and you felt it on your back before another one of his many kisses placed itself on your shoulder.

“Looking forward to it, Y/N.” Zoro’s voice was tired in your ear, almost already asleep, “Good Night..”

“Good Night, Zoro.”

[jointimeandspace]

This story was based on such a beautiful drawing by JvdB_art on Twitter. Source at the end.

You Have Me Forever

Three weeks was how long it had been since you went into a coma. Three quiet, painful weeks. Alcina missed your laughter, your feet pattering on the carpet, and the way you'd scream with joy when you were playing with her girls. The only sounds coming from the castle was the rain hitting the window panes; the large stacks of firewood crackling in the hearth. Alcina felt guilty, something that hasn't happened to her in a long time.

She sat at the large bay window that was in her room looking out at the village below. She hadn't eaten. Her pale skin was more cracked than it had usually been and a constant flow of tears wouldn't stop running from her eyes. "Why does everything have to be so difficult?" she said to herself. She looked over to you on her bed. No sign of movement from you yet. She leaned back on the wall with an exasperated sigh. She'd give anything for you to wake up. With Alcina's large size, it usually came with a few problems. One night, when you and her were making love, she drank from you. "Not a terrible way to go out," you always thought, and you had already done it many times before. However, Alcina took a bit much than she normally had and you passed out. She expected you to wake up after a couple of hours of night's sleep; when you didn't come down for breakfast or lunch that next day, panic set in. Nothing would stir you so she sent for Mother Miranda. She was relieved when Miranda said you were still alive, but she didn't know how long it would be until you woke up. Upon her inspection and running tests, she found out you had diabetes. During your activities, you sugar became low. You hadn't told Alcina, which was a foolish gesture on your part; you had been showing signs of low sugar but chose to ignore them.

Alcina stared into the fire as her memories went back to those first 3 days prior to the incident. Everytime she tried to forget, the memory came back stronger and more vivid than ever.

"Did you know about this Alcina? It's not like you to be so careless with your...pets."

"No, most reverent Mother. I didn't! Why she didn't tell me I don't know."

Alcina at the time did not know (and after all, how could she), that while in your coma, you un(f)ortunately could still here everything. You wanted to spring from the bed and protect your mistress, but you were helpless.

"Hmm!"

Mother Miranda turned back to you and walked toward your side of the bed. You couldn't see, but you could hear the condescending tone in her voice, and only imagined that a mix of malice and amusement ran across her face. She had Alcina under her thumb. Miranda knew all the right and wrong ways to push her buttons, and Alcina knew this, especially when it came to people she loved.

"Oh, Alcina! I'm so disappointed! You should've know what disease ailed her when you drank from her for the first time. Or have your senses started to fail you? Maybe I need to run a few more tests on you; get you back to tip-top shape. I can't let my favorite child falter, now can I? You'll let me know if her condition worsens."

Alcina took in a shuddering breath, trying to compose herself. She dared herself to not look weak in front of Miranda.

"Of course, Mother. Thank you!"

With that, Miranda shut the door and you two were alone again. She waited until the front door closed, and then she fell to her knees and wept. To hear her crying and not being able to move to comfort her was terrifying and heartbreaking. You were determined to make it through no matter what.

"Mama?"

Alcina came out of her daydream when Daniela appeared with a bottle of Sanguine Virginis in hand.

"Mama? Please eat! You don't want to get sick....you'll start turning."

Alcina looked back out the window. With a flick of her wrist, she signaled Daniela to set the bottle down. Daniela, always the intuitive one, went to sit beside her.

"Mama, it's not your fault. Certain ailments are hard to pick up sometimes. You'd have to have the same type of blood over and over again for at least a few years before you figure out which ailment is which. We've had so many types that even I can't differentiate plain from diseased. Staleness, though... we can always tell for sure," she chuckled. "Don't beat yourself up."

Alcina brought her hand to Daniela's cheek. Her baby was always there to comfort her whenever she needed. No wonder she took an interest in you. You always reminded her so much of Daniela.

"Thank you, darling! Go be with your sisters. I think they're looking for you."

Daniela nodded as she gave her mama a kiss and then disappeared in a smattering of flies. Alcina got up and moved to the bed so she could be near to you; she distanced herself for too long.

You looked liked Sleeping Beauty to her, waiting to be kissed. She got down on her knees to have a better look at you and took your hand.

"Oh, draga mea, why didn't you tell me? I would've been so careful."

You felt her kiss your hand- that was new! You couldn't feel any touch for awhile. Now, it felt like your entire body loosening up as if you were being thawed out. You slowly moved your toes and could feel the sheets hitting them. Your body was waking up. You were about to try to speak, but Alcina's voice rang out once more.

"Please, draga! Come back to me. I'll never be so careless again. Mother is right! I should've known, as long as I've been drinking blood. I always push, and push others until I break them. I told myself I'd be careful with you, and now here I am, praying for you to wake." Alcina sobbed, "I love you so much and don't want to lose you!"

She laid her head down on your arm as you felt the tears run down your fingers. Before you knew it, you opened your eyes and looked around the room. It was dark except for the fireplace. You rotated your head a bit and lifted your right arm. You felt stiff and tired, but you were determined to touch her- to comfort her. You looked down at Alcina, whispering silent prayers in your hand. To see her so soft, so vulnerable, and scared, was enough to shatter your soul. You reached over and ran your fingers through her hair. She stopped and looked at you, the light returning to her eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere! You have me forever. And I promise, none of this was your fault. I should have told you, but I didn't want to burden you with my issues. They've always been manageable, but I guess I should've listened to my body before we started that night. I neglected to take care of myself. Plus, I didn't tell you because I was afraid you wouldn't want me anymore; that I wasn't clean enough..."

Alcina silenced you with a deep kiss. How you missed her touch, her eyes, the pleasure that you two shared together. She kissed your face, your neck, hands and fingers. She was so happy to have her darling back. She brought your hand up to her face once more, kissing it and breathing in your sent. "Thank you, sweetheart," she said.

"Thank you for coming back to me. You too, shall always have me forever. And never, will I ever, not want you. You'll always be divine to me. My most precious little one."

[wastelandcth]

birthday polaroid - cth

summary: making memories on calum’s 25th birthday. 

author’s notes: happy birthday to calum! i hope he has a wonderful day and i hope you guys enjoy a little moment in time with our favorite guy. thanks to @lowkeyflop​ for sending me an idea that inspired this piece. 

masterlist || request

Everyone around them knew. The small touches and the laughs shared between one another when they thought no one was looking. Everyone knew from the lasting gazes or the way they always found each other in a crowd. Calum knew that he liked her and if he was being honest, he was absolutely terrified to find out if she felt the same. But everyone knew the truth. They were inseparable and it was no secret that there was something more than just friendship. 

When Calum and her first became friends, it was nothing more than hanging out with their friend group and texting every once in a while. Calum couldn't remember when things changed between the two of them. He couldn't remember when his heart started racing every time he thought about her or being near her. He couldn't remember when he started craving her attention. But he wasn't sure if she felt the same way about him. He didn't know if her hands got sweaty and her mouth dry when they hung out. But he really hoped so. 

She was in love with Calum. That much she knew. She was in love with the person she'd seen him become in the years of friendship. She was in love with his smile and his laugh and everything about him. She never had any plans to tell him how she felt, that would've been insane. She knew Calum, she knew that relationships were never for him and knew that he was afraid to ever be vulnerable in front of a person like that again. So no, there was no way she was ever going to tell Calum that she was truly, madly, and deeply in love with him. 

One thing Calum loved about her was how passionate she was about celebrating life and all the joys that came with being a human. When Calum first started hanging out with her alone, he learned very early on that she always tried to make everyone's day better. Whether it was playing Calum's favorite song in the car whenever he was having a bad day or letting Michael borrow her fuzzy sweater when he was cold and had forgotten a jacket on movie night. But Calum found himself more and more in love with her whenever she was just herself when she was with him and she was carefree. He loved listening to her laugh and then talk about something she was loving that day. He loved watching her eye light up whenever her favorite song played and the way she would dance along to the music in the car. 

Usually, on his birthday, Calum made plans to spend it with his friends and close ones. They'd usually go out to brunch and start the day off planning whatever fun activity they had for Cal's big day. Then there was the usual outing to whatever club they'd gotten bottle service at that night. Or there was a party at someone's house which usually ended with too many shots and Calum ending up on social media the next morning replaying the events of the night. But this year, Calum felt like shit. His cold started off as a tickle in the back of his throat, a tickle that wouldn't go away no matter how many times he cleared his throat or how many cups of tea he drank. Eventually, the tickle turned into a sore throat and a runny nose with a cough that forced Calum to make the decision on how his twenty-fifth birthday to be canceled. The day before his birthday, which was usually spent hydrating and what Calum described as the calm before the storm, he sent out the text to cancel any plans in order for him to rest and feel better. 

Calum hadn't expected anyone to show up. He'd sent out a text message to his friends the night before that he was sick with a cold and that any birthday plans would have to be rescheduled. If he was being honest, hiding in bed covered with blankets and sipping tea out of a Chewbacca mug was a perfect way to spend his birthday. He hated the idea of growing older and was not looking forward to waking up hungover from partying. But Calum wasn't expecting his doorbell to ring at two in the afternoon on the day of his birthday. So he'd ignored it at first, hoping that whoever had been at his front door would get the hint and leave him alone. Leave him to be a year older by himself while a cold that left his nose stuffed and his throat sore stuck in bed. It wasn't until he heard the familiar tone of his security system pinging, telling him someone had opened the front door, that Calum sensed something was off. 

"Duke, please tell me your father isn't passed out in the shower or worse," her voice rang out from the living room, making Calum put down the book he had been reading and make his way out of the bedroom. 

"Sweet girl?" Calum asked confused, his dry throat making his voice crack a bit. 

"Calum," she mumbled, a small smile on her face as she turned to look at him. She had that addicting smile that Calum loved so much, the one Calum liked to think she only showed when she was truly happy. She was holding multiple things, something that seemed to comically in excess, gift bags, and brown paper bags, and a pink cardboard box had been set on the kitchen counter.

"Happy birthday!" she cheered as she set down everything on the counter, "I know you said you didn't want to celebrate since you weren't feeling good but...it's your birthday and I wanted to bring you some stuff to hopefully make you feel better," she mumbled as she walked over to him and pulled him into a tight hug. 

Calum watched as she walked around his kitchen, humming quietly to herself while she waited for the soup she'd brought for him to heat up on the stove. She'd been here since the afternoon, something Calum was more than grateful for, making sure that he'd been drinking enough water and that he was taking medicine to help with whatever cold had decided to hit him on his birthday. As the day went on, with birthday presents unwrapped and many pictures taken on the polaroid that she'd gotten him as one of her gifts. 

"A camera?" Calum had asked with a sniffle as he unwrapped the box with a pink bow on top of it.

"You always talk about wanting to capture more memories. I thought that maybe having polaroids would help with that. They're more concrete, not as easily forgotten like in your phone." she mumbled and smiled, taking another bite of the cake they'd both been sharing. 

"I love it." Calum nodded, "Take a picture with me?" he asked as he pulled the camera out of the box and started to set it up. 

Calum hadn't planned on kissing her. He hadn't planned on capturing the exact moment when he told her how he truly felt about her on a polaroid camera, but his heart was full of love for her and how she'd come over to celebrate his birthday with him even after he tried to kick her out to not get her sick. But Calum hadn't planned to kiss her when she sat next to him and held the polaroid camera up in front of them. 

"I love you, you know that?" Calum mumbled softly, his own eyes widening as he met her eyes. Before he knew it, his lips were on hers and a flash went off behind his closed eyelids. 

The kiss was soft, exactly like she was, soft and warm and everything Calum had needed. Her hand cupped one of his cheeks, pulling him closer as her eyes closed and she fell deeper into the kiss. Calum's arms wrapped around her waist and his forehead rested against hers as they both pulled away. They both let out a shaky breath, Calum's nose brushing against hers as they sat in each other's arms, eyes closed because they were both too afraid to open their eyes and find out that this was all just a fever dream.

"I...I love you." she whispered, finally breaking the silence and opening her eyes, "I always have loved you." she mumbled.

His tired eyes and red nose made a perfect picture, one she'd save not only in her phone but in her heart too. The small polaroids from that day were laying on the bedside table, reminding her of the sweet boy who was dozing off with his head on her chest. His soft breathing warmed her heart and she pressed a kiss onto the top of his curls, her arms tightening around Calum as she felt him start to drift off. 

"Thank you." Calum mumbled against her shoulder, "Made my birthday special, made me finally realize how much I love you." he whispered, letting out a soft yawn. 

"You deserved to have a beautiful birthday, Calum. Even if it was just laying in bed and eating way too much cake." she teased and pushed back his curls, pressing a kiss onto his forehead. "I'm glad you love me as much as I love you, birthday boy."

"Mhm, best birthday ever," he whispered, his eyes finally closing as the smile on his face fell and he finally drifted off to sleep on what was the best birthday ever. Maybe, just maybe, being twenty-five wasn't going to be as bad as he thought. 

taglist:  @hoodhoran @finelliine @moonlightcriess @dinosaursandsocks @mxgyver @calpops @karajaynetoday @notlukehemmo @calumrose @devilatmydoor @lyss-xo @lowkeyflop

[rogue-durin-16]

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part II/VII)

"candy floss"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @sarcasticallywitty15 @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @leovaldez37 @missmulti @weasleywh0r3s

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: grief, feels, brief mention of Fred x Reader ig?

A/N: I decided to name the parts bc why the fuck not so keep an eye on the titles 👀. This story is based off this convo and these headcanons. If you wanna be tagged in the next parts tell me, and enjoy <3

Prologue :the aftermath

Part I : sleepless nights

Part III: shock therapy

Part IV: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VI: the downfall

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

The moment the last group of customers decided it was time to call it a day and exited the shop, I left the till counter and grabbed my wand from my pocket, instantly turning the sign in the door so it could be read from outside 'closed'.

A sigh escaped my lips as I leaned against the multicolored wooden rail.

I was drained.

The shop helped our minds to get distracted and stray from the grief, yes, but it was also exhausting.

We had been subconsciously overworking ourselves to the point where it was borderline self-destructive.

It didn't help that I was throwing myself into comforting George, either. I could not be blamed for doing that, though; he was broken.

A part of me, the rational one, knew he would pick up the pieces and build himself up again, it would just take a lot of time.

There was another part of me, though, that depressed, drained part, that was beginning to think he would never heal by himself —maybe he wouldn't heal at all— but still held onto the hope that, if I tried hard enough, I would be able to mend what had been broken in him.

A terrible idea, really, because I started to dismiss in its entirety my own miserable, damaged state.

And George, ever the caring, sensible one, would have noticed that; he would have made me realize I was not doing nearly as well as I thought, he would have talked some sense into me, but he wouldn't— he couldn't, because George was lost in an ocean of grief, trying so hard not to drown that he wasn't able to notice I was trying to aid him from my very own sinking boat.

It also seemed to be working; he was more animated, slept more soundly, and his smile was a bit brighter even —at least the one he had for me.

"Rough day?" My eyes, which I didn't know I had closed, fluttered open at George's voice.

"Very."

He walked to me with a tinge of guilt in his face. "You know we can switch places, right?" I had been working as the public face of the shop since we had reopened, and George had taken on the task of doing the paperwork and shippings instead, showing up from time to time to help me and to let people know there was still a Weasley running the business.

I had been the one to suggest this, since I knew George had compromised with reopening only because of me, and he was clearly not ready to put up a sociable, positive attitude for dozens of people every day.

"Nah, it's fine like this." I assured him with a reassuring smile.

He measured me with his eyes for a second; I couldn't really tell if he saw through me or not. "So I was preparing the today's shippings," he rocked a tiny purple basket I quickly recognised in front of me. "I found this in the back of the stockroom."

"Are those—?"

"Candy floss cupcakes, yes." A year and a half ago we had bought five baskets of candy floss cupcakes from Honeydukes per George's request in order to unsuccessfully try and implement them.

"Are they even edible anymore?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"I hope so?" He chuckled too, tearing the film covering the sweets. "Thought we might as well finish them."

My eyes travelled from the basket to him and viceversa before stating, "well I'm hungry so..."

"Same here." He was the first one to pull out a pastel colored cupcake, though he handed it to me. "Wanna get food poisoning together?" Laughing, I gave him a nod as he grabbed his own cupcake. "At the count of three?"

"One"

"Two"

"Three." We said in unison right before taking a bite of our respective madeleines.

I frowned at its surprisingly good flavour. "Am I delirious or are they actually edible?"

"Dunno," he shoved the rest of his cupcake into his mouth with a shrug. "maybe we're just starving."

"Go big or go home, I guess." I finished my cupcake before leaning on the basket to pick another one. My head snapped up with my brow quirked when I heard a soft chuckle. "What?"

"Nothing." George shook his head, motioning at the stairs. "Shall we sit down?" I followed his lead, sitting on the stairs and waiting for him, who had stepped towards the drinks aisle to grab a couple of juice bottles, to do the same.

We stayed there, eating and drinking in a comfortable silence until the basket was empty and our eyelids threatened to shut.

"I think we should head back to the flat." He spoke, leaving the half empty juice aside so he could stretch.

"I'm gonna learn how to cook." I stated, getting up. "We can't get by based on most likely expired sweets and whatever is in the Leaky Cauldron menu."

"Aight." He mimicked my actions, picking up the stuff we left on the stairs. "We will learn the basics tomorrow." He got behind me and began to gently push in the flat's direction. "But now we're gonna get some sleep, miss."

I would be lying if I said my heartbeat didn't pick up when his hands landed on my shoulder blades and made their way to rub both my arms reassuringly.

I would be lying if I denied I leaned back when he did that, letting myself get closer to his chest.

And I would definitely be lying if I said I didn't crave going back to my room so I could cuddle him all night.

One Week Later

"—right in the cauldron, love." I pointed at the cauldron besides me, giving a sweet smile to the kid in front of me, visibly going to be sick thanks to the free sample of Skiving Snackboxes.

"Y/n!" I spun around at the loud calling of my name above the shop's racket. I was able to discern a long, red mane flowing fast towards my position right on time for the owner to wrap her arms around me.

"Glad to see you too, Ginny." I laughed, trying not to lose balance due to her enthusiasm. "How come you're here?" I questioned, pulling away.

"We heard you were open." Harry walked up to me, appearing from behind the girl, "And thought we'd pay a visit to our friends, right?" Ginny nodded, looking around while Harry gave me a quick, yet comforting hug. "Where's George?"

I motioned up to the small office, redirecting the couple's eyes to the second floor. "Doing paperwork—AH!" I jolted when a pair of hands tickled my sides, my head snapping to see the towering ginger standing behind me. "Speaking of the devil."

"I thought I saw Gin through the window," George explained, his hands lingering on my waist for long enough to his sister to stare, before pulling Ginny into a tight hug. "And came down to check if she was distracting my employee."

"You got her all bored here, mate." Harry pointed out, a light joking tone in his voice.

"And you're the one supposed to help with that?" George rolled his eyes dramatically. "Pfft... What a world we live in." With the said, he gave the boy a side hug. I heard Harry murmur an 'We missed you' before they pulled away with a pat on the shoulder.

My gaze landed on the youngest Weasley, whose welled up eyes were trained on her older brother's half smile. I only averted my eyes and waited for her to discreetly wipe away the unspilled tears while Harry and George catched up.

By the letters she had sent me, I reckoned the last time she had been near George, he had been lifeless; seeing a glimpse of who was once one of the most cheerful, funny and charismatic people in her life, was probably poignant to Ginny.

I hadn't realized she had moved closer until I didn't hear her soft voice. "Thank you." I offered her a confused smile, though deep down I knew what she meant.

Two Days Later

George was having one of those days.

We both knew it was coming soon; it had to happen sooner rather than later, since he had been in a surprisingly good mood for almost a week. I suspected seeing Harry and Ginny had brought back the events of the Second of May.

I suggested to close the shop for the day, since he was unable to move out of bed; he refused to do so, but I convinced him to stay in the flat and rest —it was Tuesday, anyway; I wouldn't have to handle many customers.

Due to that, when I saw Hermione, Ron, Bill and Fleur entered the shop, it was understandable that I hadn't become the happiest person in the world.

I greeted them, there were hugs, kisses, and even a joke or two, and when Bill asked about George, I excused him without giving much detail.

They understood.

Fleur was the one to restart the conversation, lightening a bit before requesting a tour for the shop, since she had not yet been there.

It was when we reached the love potions that Hermione, using the fact that Fleur was very much interested in the product, held my hand and pulled me aside.

"So... how are you doing?" The frown in her face, the fact that she was whispering, the squeeze her hand gave mine, let me know she had read me the moment her eyes met mines.

I sighed with a shrug.

"You can tell me." Could I? "No one's asking you to put on a happy face, Y/n." The girl assured me, her eyes digging into mines. "It's not just George, we all lost—" she shook her head at her own words before correcting herself. "you lost him too."

I lost him too.

I bit my lower lip to stop it from quivering.

The memory of Fred's broken smile as his corpse laid on the stretcher, that memory that haunted my dreams, appeared vividly before my eyes.

My lips started to burn with the ghost of that kiss he gave me before we split up, him with Percy and me with George; it hadn't been meant to be a goodbye kiss. It was meant to be a good luck kiss.

I covered my mouth to muffle a sob, and Hermione's arms were quick to be wrapped around me, reassuringly rubbing my back.

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

I saw them entering from Y/n's balcony; I wasn't emotionally ready to face them all at the same time, but when I didn't see them exit, I figured Y/n hadn't been able to dismiss them.

I decided I owed to them all to bite the bullet, so I threw on a shirt and the first trousers I grabbed, cleaned up a bit and left the flat.

With a deep breath, I made it to the second floor and mentally prepared myself to go down to the first one.

As I began to climb down, though, I noticed Hermione and Y/n talking in private, closer than the others to the stairs.

I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but all my senses were automatically focused on Y/n whenever we were in the same room; she just stole me away from reality.

"You lost him too."

Hermione's words visibly triggered something on Y/n.

'Something', as if I didn't know what they had triggered, as if I didn't know what— who was on her mind.

I guess he was always on her mind, though.

What was left of my heart shattered in a million pieces when she broke down to tears —for several reasons—. "I miss him." She whispered in Hermione's shoulder. "I miss him so much."

If I had any tears left, I would have cried my eyes out right there. Had I been so selfish that I had disregarded how she was feeling? So blinded by the light and love and warmth she was constantly giving me that I had forgotten about her grief? Was I that bad of a person, that I would have rather live in the illusion that she had not lost the boy she was dating?

My mind told me I didn't want any of those questions answered.

"George!" As Ron yelled my name in surprise, Hermione and Y/n pulled away, the latter rubbing her eyes while both of my brothers jogged upstairs to hug me. "Ginny told us you're open—"

"But Y/n said you weren't feeling well." Bill finished, squeezing my shoulder. "We only stayed a little longer for Fleur to see the shop."

"Yeah, we'll come back tomorrow," Ron assured me. "So you can rest and..."

My brother's voice sounded further and further with each word; I felt myself drifting off, getting lost in my own mind and gravitating towards the same thought over and over.

She deserves better.

[fortheloveoffanfic]

Behind Closed Doors

Keanu Reeves x OFC (A/n- I hate these moodboards sm)

Masterlist. Behind Closed Doors Masterlist

Warnings- Angst, medical emergency, sexual tension

Chapter 3 Taking Blame

One month later After they'd gotten engaged, Keanu had been politely adamant in insisting that Miranda get to know Matt and Poppy better; take them out, spend time with them after their tutors left for the day and drive them to swim and ballet occasionally. As expected, she'd been reluctant, and even when Miranda did begrudgingly agree, Emma had been asked, or rather persistently urged, to join her. Of course, Miranda had dismissed Keanu when he protested that the entire purpose of her taking them was to spend time with the twins alone, arguing insistently that it was Emma's job to take care of them.

That had been nearly a month ago, and after one trip to the mall, two swim meets, three weekly ballet practices, spent with Emma trailing three paces behind Miranda, holding the children's hands along with whatever bags they had, Miranda had finally agreed to watch the children on her own and Keanu had let Emma have some time off.

Using her time liberally, Emma had gone to lunch with a couple old college friends, and then for a few drinks after. It was past seven when she finally returned, and from the minute she walked through the side door from Keanu's huge garage, the strong aroma of baked goods washed her senses, peaking Emma's curiosity, drawing her towards the kitchen. She didn't think Zelda had stayed that late.

Much to her surprise though, it wasn't the older woman in the kitchen, instead, it was Miranda standing amid the mess, a tray of grayish brownish cookies laid out on the the breakfast bar, dressed casually in white lounge pants and loose lace blouse, some of her hair pined away from her face. Surrounding the tray, was an assortment of ingredients, most of them looking like they'd been bought at a high end organic food shop. "Miranda?" Emma said slowly, beckoning the older woman's attention.

"Emily!" She spun on the absent heel of her ballet pump, and Emma gnawed on her lip to quell her annoyance. It was still extremely irritating when Miranda got her name wrong, but she'd given up on correcting her, deciding that she was more than likely doing it on purpose. "You're home, finally. Zora left….." she trailed off, waving her hand dismissively, "Some time ago, but thankfully you're here to clean up. Try one, they're peanut butter cookies. Totally organic," she shoved the tray closer to Emma.

"Okay," she cringed, wondering how bad organic desserts could be. She'd heard the stories, how they tasted like cardboard, grass and other things that most people wouldn't readily put in their mouths. Miranda stared at her intently, clearly waiting for Emma to take a bite and so, deciding that a cardboard cookie might be easier to endure than her boss's fiancée whining, she nibbled to the edge, just enough to get a taste. Eyes widening in surprise, she went in for a bigger bite, humming at the surprisingly good taste, "This is actually……"

"It's good right? Apparently Keanu thinks you baking is the gold standard or whatever," and once again, Emma wasn't sure if Miranda's compliment was actually a compliment.

Stammering, she just nodded, "It is good, you made them for the kids, do they like them?"

"Mhm!" With a triumphant grin, Miranda started walking out of the kitchen, reaching the mouth of the hall, "They’re in the playroom, and since you're here you can take over now!"

Not even bothering to respond, Emma just shook her head, shrugging off her leather jacket, draping it over a chair at the kitchen table, knowing the sooner she got to work, the better. The first thing she did was start clearing the remaining ingredients from the counter, barely glancing at names and labels until something caught her eye, "Miranda!" Emma yelled, panicked, not caring how upset she'd get, "Miranda!"

Seconds later, she came hustling into the room, muttering about how rude and incompetent hired help could be. "What do you want now?" She spoke through gritted teeth.

"Did you put this in the cookies?" Hastily, she held up a bag half filled with wheat flour, the plastic packing clutched tightly in her fist. Her heart was probably beating a mile as Emma anticipated a response.

"Yeah," Miranda scrunched her nose, still upset by Emma's scolding tone, "So what, it's good-"

"Didn't you read the list?" Already she was dropping the flour, not caring if it spilled, making a bigger mess than before, lunging for her handbag and rummaging for her keys, "Matty, Pop!"

"What list?"

"The fucking allergy list!" Emma sneered, too jolted to stop and worry about Mirada's precious feelings, "It's right there on the fridge,” she pointed hurriedly, and just as she was about to call for the kids again, Matt came running into the room, his face pulled with fright.

“Emma!” He ran past Miranda and straight for her, grabbing her thigh to get Emma's attention, “Come quick, something’s wrong with Poppy! She started coughing and-” He was on the verge of tears and there was an anxious bounce in his stance.

“Hey, sweetie, it’s okay,” Emma quickly kissed his hair, standing again to go get Poppy, “Everything’s gonna be okay, but I need you to be a big boy and wait by the car for me,” after that mishap, there was absolutely no way in hell that Emma was leaving Matt alone with Miranda, not when she was pretty sure she had a case of anaphylaxis on her hands, “I’m gonna go get Pop, okay?”

Nodding he ran off, and Emma went in the other direction, choking a sob when she reached the playroom, finding Poppy on the floor, gasping for breath, angry red patches on her skin. Without thinking twice, her instincts took over and she scooped the girl up in her arms, laying her head on her shoulder. Cradling Poppy’s head, she ran out to the garage, almost slipping on the tiles in the process, “It’s gonna be okay baby, I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, okay?” Tears were hot on her cheeks, but Emma knew that she had other things to worry about, her own emotions could be seen to after.

“What should I do?” Miranda came to stand beside her, wringing her hands as Emma got Matt into the car seat. “I swear I didn’t know that she was allergic-”

“Look I don’t have time for this,” not even realizing that she wasn’t wearing a jacket, Emma was already in the driver’s seat, getting the posh SUV started. Ideally, she should have taken Miranda with her to keep a check on Poppy while they drove to the nearest hospital, but she couldn’t bring herself to deal with the woman while she was also trying to keep Matt calm and his sister alive. Not without starting a fight at least. “Just call Keanu, lock up the house and then meet us at the hospital.”

The automatic door started reeling upwards, and Emma was backing out, “Are you sure I can’t-”

“You’ve done enough Miranda,” She backed out, “We’ll be at L.A General,” and with that, Emma backed into the street, shifting gears and then speeding off, hoping that she’d get to the E.R before it was too late.

Curled up next to Emma in the pale green sofa of the pediatric waiting room, was Matt, fast asleep. It was just past eight, and if they were at home, she knew he’d still be bouncing off walls, nowhere near ready for bedtime, but Emma had passed his tire off as a consequence of the hustle and trauma, it was certainly enough to have her eyes heavy. But Emma couldn’t sleep, not when the doctors hadn't yet come to update her on Poppy’s condition. By then, in just about an hour, she cried, hyperventilated quietly and almost screamed several times. All she could think of was how Poppy having that life threatening reaction was all her fault. She shouldn’t have left Miranda alone with them, she should have told her to read the list, checked on them instead of stalling in the kitchen. Something, anything.

Sitting across from her, on one of the single seats was Miranda herself, worried, though not half as frenzied as Emma. Maybe she was just good at keeping it at bay. They hadn’t spoken since she’d gotten there, instead, Miranda had opted to anxiously flip through magazines provided while Emma had struggled through trying to get Matt to have a sandwich from the cafeteria and a little carton of milk for dinner, almost losing her mind when he fought her, but eventually getting him to have some of it. And like she couldn’t bare to sleep, she was also too sick to her stomach with guilt to eat.

Her thoughts had left her sinking, and when Matt had succumbed to slumber, Emma had let the rest of the room fade to nothing, one mantra playing on loop in her mind, ‘just let that sweet little girl be okay.’ Keanu had been unreachable, so they'd left several voicemails, and Emma vaguely remembered that he’d mentioned that he had a meeting about a movie he'd worked on as a producer and then another with his agent, though, when he came though the white double doors, motorcycle helmet in hand, his eyes were red, his hair a mess there was an urgency in this long strides. “What the hell happened?” Were the first words that tumbled out of his mouth as he looked between Emma and Miranda, who both stood at his entrance.

Immediately, Miranda rushed to his side, sinking into his side and letting his arm go around her waist. Before Emma could process his question, Miranda was the one speaking, “I have no idea,” she shot Emma an unreadable look, though at the last second, there was devilish glimmer in her green eyes, “Emma came home and made them snacks, and next thing I know Poppy’s having a reaction.” Figures that out of all times, Miranda would remember her name, it would be then.

Her jaw hung slack and for the longest minute, Emma was at a complete loss for words. Though, her mind came up with a long list of the things she wanted to say, what the fuck? Being at the very top. “I….” She stuttered, wanting to instantly clear her name. But then, in a rush, Zelda’s words came back to her, Miranda always gets what she wants and stay out of her way. “I…” Even if she did tell the truth, Miranda was Keanu’s fiancée, who would he believe anyway? The hired help or the woman who he wanted to be the mother of his children. Emma was pretty sure she already knew the answer, best not to fight it, especially since she was clearly already on Miranda’s bad side. “I’m sorry,” fighting tears was hard, and the anger that heated up Keanu’s face was frightening, “I didn’t mean to- to- I just-”

Cutting off her stammering, moving his hand from Miranda’s waist, tossing his helmet to a chair and finally running both his hands through his hair. “How could you be so careless?” He hissed loud and venomously, “You could have killed my daughter,” the only reason he wasn’t full on yelling was because Matt was sleeping nearby, but Emma could tell that it was barely holding Keanu back and the low tone didn’t make his words sting less. “There’s a list for a reason, you know that. But now, my daughter is in the hospital because you were careless! What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I am so, so sorry Keanu,” hot tears streamed down her face, from tired burning eyes. Her hiccupped breaths made Emma feel like a child being scolded at recess and all she wanted to do was have a fissure in the floor open up and swallow her. “I would never hurt Poppy, not intentionally, and I swear, as soon as it happened-”

“She came and told me,” Miranda interjected, intent on only making the situation worse, a hint of a smirk threatening to twist her lips, “And I told her that she had to take the children to the hospital immediately. Poppy could have died, for God’s sakes!”

A strangled sob threatened to wake Matt, and Emma had to clasp her hand over her mouth. How could someone be so outrightly vicious, going as far as shoving the blame on another person. “Maybe hiring you was a mistake,” Keanu determined, and Emma’s eyes went wide, definitely not prepared for what came next, “Maybe we need to reconsider you as their nanny.”

“What?” Emma swallowed thickly, that couldn't be it. From the minute they met she knew that Miranda hadn’t liked her, but fired? Never seeing the twins again or Keanu, she didn’t think it would go that far. “Please don’t-”

“I think you’ve said enough,” Keanu raised his hand, motioning for Emma to stop, passing it over his face before turning away.

Emma needed that job, and she adored those kids. Hell, she might have even been falling for Keanu, but she was not prepared to be humiliated even further. And maybe, if Miranda was going to be a permanent part of the Reeves household, it was better that she didn’t stick around. She could put up with a lot, but being someone for an entitled celebrity to cast undue blame on wasn’t one of them. Passive aggressive insults, snide remakes, being a bag holding mouse and walked all over, she could take. But being humiliated in public, for something she hadn’t done? Being treated like she was an inept child and not worthy of having an explanation or a chance to clear her name? That was where she drew the line.

“You know what Keanu,” Emma felt around her bag, eventually pulling out the keys for the SUV that she used to drive around the kids, “Miranda,” she hissed vehemently, “Maybe I should save you both some time,” finding a spot of courage, she strode up to him, Emma shoved the keys to Keanu’s chest, not caring if he got a hold of them or not, “Cause I quit.”

From the minute he held the keys in his grasp, feeling her fingers brush his and subsequently watching Emma walking out of the waiting room, Keanu knew he’d made a mistake. Emma couldn’t just leave, his children adored her, he…...well, he wasn’t too sure about what he felt for her, but he did know that he didn’t want to lose her. The whole firing quip had been an empty threat, fueled by stress and anger. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath, “Mandy, you stay here,” he started walking off, hoping to catch Emma before she could leave the hospital.

“Where are you going?” She grabbed his bicep, “You can’t just leave me here with him,” Miranda gestured to Matt, still curled up sleeping, not knowing that the nanny that he’d started looking up to had just walked out on them, and it was all his father’s fault. “Besides,” she reasoned, tone even and cool, “If she wants to leave, you should let her. She’s lazy and irresponsible.”

“Wha- no,” Keanu shook off Miranda's grip and by extension, her words, “Emma is not lazy, she works her ass off for my kids, and irresponsible? It was a mistake,” in an instant, his mind was changing and Keanu was regretting the way he’d handled things with Emma. She was obviously devastated knowing that she’d put Poppy at risk, and he had just made it worse, “Allergies happen, she has to learn. And I do too. I'm sorry,” he began the walk to the doors, “But I have to go find her.”

Keanu hadn’t meant for things to go awry, or to force Emma to quit, but he had just been so upset; worry and fear morphing into anger, causing him to lash out. In her three months with their family, that was the first time that she’d made any sort of mistake. Emma had probably committed the list memory and believing that she could make such a careless mistake was becoming increasingly hard. It just didn’t make sense. Emma treated his kids like they were her own, and that was only one of the many reasons why Keanu couldn’t lose her.

Thankfully though, he was able to catch up to her just as she was headed for the curb, arms wrapped around herself to combat the night’s chill, her sleeveless cotton shirt, with a little knot over her navel not really doing her any favors. “Em!” He jogged up to her, speeding up when she walked faster, “Emma, please, just wait.”

“What?” She turned, olive cheeks tear stained and taking on a reddish tint, illuminated by the street laps lining the parking lot, rage and hurt intermingling, “What do you want?” She heaved, and Keanu hated that he’d made her cry. She didn’t deserve to cry, she didn’t deserve anything he’s given her back there. Emma was a marvelous person, who was exceptional at her job.

“I’m sorry,” Keanu breathed, shaking his head, stepping closer, “You’re the best nanny Matt and Poppy have ever had; they love you, they listen to you and they’d miss you a damn lot if you left. I’d miss you,” his features softened, his eyes pleading, “I shouldn’t have flipped out on you like that, I wasn’t even there and mistakes happen. I know that you wouldn’t put either of my kids in danger,” he slumped his shoulders, and Emma looked away, swiping at her eyes. She was fighting shivers too, Keanu could see it; it had rained earlier that day, and a distinct dampness along with an uncharacteristic chill still hung in the air. Not thinking much of it, just not wanting her to catch a cold, Keanu shrugged off his riding jacket, stepping closer and reaching around Emma to drape it over her slender shoulders, taking the opportunity to grip them after, “Please don’t leave us Em. I'm begging you.”

“I’ll stay,” she clenched her jaw, wiggling out of Keanu’s grip, “But not for you, I’m staying for those kids. And next time you want to accuse me of trying to kill one of your children, maybe you should dig a little deeper first."

“What?” Knitting his brows, Keanu watched as she started towards the hospital’s entrance, his coat swallowing up her frame, not even offering one backwards glass before going through the automatic doors.

Three Days Later The house had been exceptionally quiet since they’d returned from the hospital, Keanu had asked Emma to tell the tutors to take the rest of the week off, and Poppy had been recovering with her brother almost constantly at her side. The doctor warned them that Poppy’s allergy to wheat could have been deadly if they hadn’t gotten there sooner, and when Keanu had hugged Miranda in relief, while Emma was still wearing his jacket, she had to pretend it didn’t sting.

As a direct, though relieving side effect though, Miranda had been actively avoiding her, and Emma could tell that Keanu was too. That was, until late one evening, after Emma had put the kids down for an early bedtime and had resigned to her own room, getting into comfortable shorts and a loose camisole after her hot shower, deciding that a glass of wine and a movie on her laptop would be the perfect end to an easy Friday. The knock on her door and been soft, lacking urgency, and when she pulled it open, seeing Keanu on the other side, she was actually surprised, “Keanu?”

“Hey,” he smiled sheepishly, dressed like he’d just come home, still in his jacket and everything. The same one he’d lent her back at the hospital. She wondered if he’d washed it, or if he had let the fading scent of her favorite perfume linger against his skin.

Before he spoke again, Keanu faltered, almost losing himself as he drank her in, tiny cotton shorts boasting her smooth, toned legs, the fabric of her top stretched across her chest and Emma's long, drying tresses swept over one shoulder, leaving the slender column of her neck exposed. A wedding band that hung on a thin gold necklace settled against her skin, Keanu knew it was her father's, she'd mentioned when he asked if it belonged to someone else, someone like a husband. Remembering himself, Keanu took in a breath, trying to pull himself out of the trance that he'd fallen into, “Can I come in?”

Nodding, Emma stepped back, pulling the door open a little more, “Your house, your bedroom,” she tried to return his smile, still feeling the tension between them, not sure if it was a good tense or a bad one.

“It’s your room,” Keanu countered, serious, though not harsh, “As long as you’re here with us, its your home too, and your room.” Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he bent his head, dark mane curtaining his handsome face, smile fading. “I think I owe you an apology,” he shuffled his feet awkwardly, “No, I know I owe you an apology.”

“Keanu-” Emma tried to stop him, though he cut her off, not the way he had the last time, that night, it was softer, as he pleaded with her to just hear him out.

“I really need to say this,” Keanu raised his head, his whiskey gaze meeting her hazel orbs, and he tentatively toed a step closer, “What I said the other night at the hospital, I was way out of line,” he sighed, going slow so so he wouldn’t fumble over his words, “What I’m trying to say now is; I know it wasn’t you that caused the reaction.”

“What?” Baffled, and immensely relieved, Emma felt a mountain of stress that she hadn’t known was there, rolling off her shoulders, “How?”

Chuckling dryly, Keanu shook his head, moistening his lips, “When I came home, and saw those cookies, I knew it couldn’t have been you. I mean, you bake, but not with organic peanut butter and almond milk. I had my suspicions back at the hospital, you probably know that list better than the back of your hand,” he raked his nails through his beard, “And then I asked Matt, and he told me that it was Miranda that made the cookies. So I'm really, really sorry, about all of that.”

“Oh,” the soft exhale left Emma’s parted lips, and truly, she couldn’t believe that she was actually getting an apology from her boss. Not sure of how to proceed, she gnawed on her lip for a second, “What’re you gonna do?”

Huffing, Keanu smirked, “Nothing. Knowing Mandy, she’d just deny it anyway. Besides, it was an accident,” If Emma wasn’t mistaken, she could have sworn he sounded a little bitter.

“Thank you,” Emma smiled, happy when Keanu returned the gesture, “I know you didn’t have to apologize, but it means a lot to me that you did.”

“Uh, yeah,” grinning breathlessly, they lingered like that for a moment, until the air grew flustered, and Keanu noticed her wine glass on the nightstand and computer on the made bed, mumbling about how he should get out of her hair.

Though, when he was on his way out of Emma’s room, he absently grabbed his right shoulder, rubbing and rolling the joint, “You okay?” She halted him, “That looks like it hurts.”

“Yeah,” he winced, trying to downplay it, even if Emma could see right through his façade, “Went to the gym this morning, now I’m starting to think that my trainer was right when she said I’ve stayed away for too long. Nothing to worry about though, just a little sore.”

“Maybe I can help,” she had no idea where the suggestion came from, or why she hadn’t tried harder to keep it inside, but there was really no going back anyway. Clearing her throat, Emma blushed, “Why don’t you take off your jacket, and sit on the bed?”

Just as flustered, Keanu inhaled deeply, wanting to oblige, but not sure if he should, “You don’t have to-”

“I want too,” taking initiative, Emma approached him, leaning up on her toes, her eye line barely meeting the back of his neck as she urged his jacket off, folding it in half and draping it over the arm of an accent chair. His biceps strained against the sleeves and Emma swallowed the little flirtatious comment that sat at the tip of her tongue. “Sit, please. I insist.”

Nodding, Keanu went over to bed, sitting on the edge as instructed and then watching intently as Emma crawled up behind him. Her bare knees grazed him as she adjusted herself, and it wasn’t long before he felt her small hands on his shoulders, kneading slowly. Her fingers applied the perfect amount of pressure, and when she rubbed the base of her palms over them, the sensation was close to orgasmic, “Shit, Em…..” Keanu groaned, feeling the tension start dribbling away, “That is…..amazing.”

Giggling musically, she just carried on. The muscles beneath his t-shirt were far firmer than what she expected from someone his age, and touching him like that, seemed more intimate than Emma had intended. “That’s good, cause you are so tense. You’ve gotta take it easy Keanu,” she chuckled.

“I know, its just….I’ve got a lot on my plate,” he voice dropped lower as he closed his eyes, submitting to the pleasure. It had been a long time since he’d let someone take care of him like that, since someone even offered to take care of him like that, and not even Miranda’s touch felt that way, so warm and soothing. Keanu would be lying if he said he was okay with it ending. “I’m just glad I have you though.”

“Oh?” Emma slowed down, leaning forward so her unrestrained breasts were pressed against Keanu’s back when her face reached the side of his. By the time he turned to face her, their lips were a mere inch apart, and it wouldn’t have taken much for her to just kiss him. “Well I’m glad I’m here for you,” she whispered, her hot breath fanning his face.

“I need to ask you something,” Emma could have sworn that Keanu was leaning in, and his eyes searched hers, longing reflected.

Mesmerized, Emma barely registered his words, only anticipating what she thought might come next, “Okay.”

“I uh….” his gaze fell on her perfect, plump lips, “I was just wondering, would you go to Paris with me?” Her heart leapt and while it wasn’t the question she’d been hoping for, Emma was already excited, “With me and the kids I mean.” Suddenly, as fast as it was created, the moment was gone, and embarrassed, Emma pulled away, trying to refocus her attention of Keanu’s stiff shoulders, “I have to be there by next month for a premiere, and since I’m gonna be spending my birthday there, I thought I’d take Matt and Poppy too. Obviously, if you have other obligations here, I wouldn’t want you to leave them.”

Disappointed and confused, Emma’s response was void of enthusiasm, “No, no I don’t,” swallowing tightly, she tried not to cry, hoping her shame wasn’t audible, “I’d love to go, part of the job, right?”

Keanu took a minute before he responded, though, when he did, his somber tone seemed to reflected hers, “Yeah, I guess so.”

*****

Tagging- @harrisongslimited @magnificentclodpiebanana @keandrews @greenmanalishi @rdjloverxxx @danceoftwowolves @planetkt @wheretheriversrunintothesea

[heresathreebee]

Brackish and Briny Waters (five)

[Ralph Lamont x Female Reader]

Summary: Ralph apologizes and you've got baby brains, but sometimes life does nothing but kick you down. Previous Masterlist Next

Tag(s): 16+ | 1.7k words | more angst, baby fever, alcoholism, ghostly vibes

AN: GODDAMN Part 5 took me a lifetime to finish. As always no beta readers just poorly side eyeing this by myself and hoping it makes sense

THE NEXT MORNING

You barely stir when you hear the door open. You've all but forgotten last night, and yet you flinch when Ralphie tries to cuddle with you. He sighs somewhere near your ear and hugs you from behind anyways, lips brushing the nape of your neck and breath fanning over your back as he simply lies there, quiet as the grave. 

There's no bruise but you can still feel his hand gripping your arm from last night. "You're being a huge dick…" 

"... I know." 

That is not good enough. You roll over to face him and watch his face twist when he notices the tract marks of dry tears on your face. He swallows and almost unconsciously takes your hand, smoothing his thumb over the back of your palm in a way that was meant to comfort him rather than you. 

"I'm sorry." He opens his mouth again but he flounders for words. After a deep breath he continues. "We can't call Reagan. Because he won't do anything for us…" 

You wait impatiently for him to explain. 

"Sweetheart, if we called Reagan last night, he would have fucking laughed at us. It is step one down that slippery slope to the couple who cried wolf." He put a hand on your shoulder and looked you in the eye, "do you really think he would have done something?" 

You think about it. If Ralph hadn't stopped you from calling him, what would you have said to Reagan? 

I smelled exhaust fumes. Not an emergency, he would say. 

I think he found us. What do you want me to do about it, too late now, he would ask.  

We're in danger. I'll send a squad upstate, they should be there in 4 hours, he would joke. 

"It was real," you insist. "I smelled fumes." 

"I know. I believe you." 

You squint at him threateningly and he doesn't give an inch. He doesn't seem like he's mocking you. 

Ralph could be an asshole, but Reagan was infinitely worse. At least one of them gave a shit about your safety. The realization Ralph was right scared you more than anything. You were alone in this… 

Well, alone together. 

You sigh and bury your face in his neck. Your hair is tangled as shit and probably tickling his face, but your husband simply wraps you up in a tight embrace and holds you against him. It's all the apology you need. 

END OF THE FIRST MONTH

Adjusting to your new life hit you like a sack of bricks early on a Monday morning. You woke up from a dream where you still lived in your tiny little apartment two minutes walk from everything. In a reality which felt more like a fever dream, Ralph was late for work, donning a tie and tweed jacket and kissing you goodbye for the day. 

You never realized how much space there was in the new master bedroom. In the apartment, a queen sized bed nearly touched the walls and barely left room to creep around two night stands and a dresser, but in the new house you had room to lay on the floor and stretch, maybe put another piece of furniture in here like a bookshelf or something. 

And the whole damn house was like that. You had an entire second floor to claim as your own! There is almost too much space… too much space for just the two of you. 

God there's that thought again drifting into your mind unbidden, unfurling like a fern at the first droplet of sunshine. How many people does it take to turn a house into a home? Three should be plenty, your mind offers. 

You busy yourself with measurements, regrouting the loose tiles in the kitchen floor, and scrubbing the blackened hell out of that downstairs bathroom. It seems to come to life beneath your hands and you can feel yourself getting excited to show guests the improvement. 

The thoughts of turning your little twosome family into three persist over and over until you can't stand it any longer. Maybe it's finally time… 

Ralph's late getting home by 5 minutes instead of 5 hours but he still looks tired. No mud tracks on his pants or hard set eyes. He's halfway up the stairs before you realize he's probably going to bed early. 

"Hey!" 

Ralph stops like it pains him. His head sags and his hold on the railing is tight like he'll fall if he lets go. The way he's wobbling he might. He is barely able to meet your eyes as he glances over his shoulder and when he does he simply grunts. 

"I made dinner," you squeeze your hands together behind your back, "angel hair pasta and that sauce you love." 

Ralph's eyes flicker in thought. "Be down in a second." 

You wait nervously to see if he does come down. What if this is a bad idea? What if he doesn't take you seriously? Oh god what if he hates it, what if he calls you an idiot for even considering it? 

Ralph does come back downstairs, hair wild from running his fingers through it. He seems to gain a small amount of energy while eating, not wanting to talk himself but asking how your day has been going. 

You're definitely rambling right now. Ralph listens and listens, chuckling along but at some point he grows concerned and envelopes your hand with a worried expression on his face. "Jesus, I've never heard so many words come out of your mouth at once, it's like you're writing a dissertation over there. Are you OK, baby?" 

You snap your mouth shut. God, you hadn't even come close to talk about kids for all your rambling. And then there was that weird smell… 

Your blood runs cold as you recognize it. You lean a little closer to Ralph and he almost instinctively flinches away. If there's one thing you are sure of, one thing you could swear on god– Ralph Lamont has never flinched away from a kiss before. So he has something to hide. And that something has a sharp scent and explains his slow reactions and tired eyes better than anything else could. 

"Have you… have you been drinking?" 

It's the way he can't meet your eyes when you ask him. You know. It's beyond out of character, so much so that it's confusing and a little frightening for you. 

A little drink here and there is, to you, to be expected especially considering the wealth of your new company. So why hide it? Is there something else he's not telling you?

You suddenly feel sick and too hot, ripping your hand away from his and getting up to leave the table. 

He knows you get in your head sometimes and practically yells your name to stop you. "I'm… I don't know why I…" 

Ralph sighs and buries his face into his hands, ashamed. All this suspense is twisting knots in your stomach. You sit back down gingerly, taking deep breaths to calm yourself down. 

"Ralph," you warn, "you had better start explaining yourself right now before I lose it." 

Ralph stares a hole into the table and worries his lip. The truth is he doesn't know what to say because he doesn't know why he did it. The students are easy, you are easy. Even in the toughest of times, at his lowest, he didn't drink so… what the fuck was coming over him?, he asked himself. 

Something clicked. It rolled like fire in his belly given dry wood, smoking curling to the top of his throat and out of his ears. "They hate me." 

"Who? Who hates you?" 

"Everyone." 

You looked him in the eye for the first time tonight and saw something dark looking in there. It makes you uneasy. "What makes you think they hate you, baby?" 

Ralph's grip on his fork tightens until his knuckles are white before he gingerly sets the dishware down and deflates. He clicks his tongue and shakes his head with a sardonic grin. 

"You wouldn't understand… and how could you? You never leave the house." He looks at you and there's a growing instability rising in his movements. "You… you don't see it. It started out as little nothings that I could ignore because it didn't matter that they didn't like me: I was new.  

"Then it became lots of these little nothings. Staring and whispering and hushed silences. Tip toeing language and poking and prodding and testing me and my limits and it just… it just… it never got better…" 

Rumors. It dawned on you that his frustration seemed intimately familiar to you as you had had to change schools once or twice due to a few terrible rumors that snowballed and got way out of hand. And you can imagine the sort of rumors that accompany a man with little interest in making friends who has a wife nobody knows anything about. 

If you wanted to stay here long, you would need to change a few minds. You set aside your fear for a moment and make him look at you. You can see the unshed tears in his eyes and feel pity for him. 

"I want to do that dinner party," you announce. "With all that's gone on, you probably didn't have the grand introduction you deserve. Let me show them how much you mean to me." 

Ralph's shaking his head but he already knows you'll win this fight. For him it feels like begging for something he doesn't even want. He agrees because he already promised you could when you were ready and you needed to find new friends asap. 

His sleep that night is fitful and the room's shadows seem to reach out like claws seeking his immortal soul. When the haze of whiskey finally dies down in his system he sleeps dreamless and wakes to feel somehow more hollow with despair than before. 

Ralph Lamont has the distinct feeling things are going to get a hell of a lot worse before anything gets better…

@werwulfy @fundamentally-lazy @escape-your-grape @mimiscappinisideblog @go-commander-kim

[stanbillyhargrove]

Demons - an AU rewritten

Cat x Steve 💜

A/N: Billy is an asshole. Cat finds love in the arms of Steve

T/W: Eating disorder, self harm, suicide attempts, mention of sexual assault

Cat's POV

Another party. Another house full of nameless faces. Another night of barely managing panic with burning alcohol.

What the queen must do for her king.

Push down the memories. Smile. Accept every drink and more. Dance, laugh. Don't freak when a stray hand touches, it's harmless fun, right?

Right.

I lost Billy early on in the night, swept away in a sea of jocks to protect his crown. I was left behind, letting the music pound through my bones as I joined the crowd of dancers. I was well and truly wasted by the time I saw Billy across the room. He was standing in the kitchen, arms crossed against his chest as he stared at me. Saw a pack of guys I barely recognized around him, talking and laughing and then...gesturing at me. I watched Billy's shoulders tense, rolling back tightly as they kept talking to him. Watched his jaw tense and his eyes darken.

The guys around him stared and I glanced away when flashes of memory came back, making panic swell. Felt myself being bumped around by chaotic dancers when I stopped moving. Just a moment, a moment of blood pounding in my ears. Of trying to gulp down breaths. My hands came up to my chest, like I could hold myself together and stop my heart from thundering out of my ribs if I just held tight enough.

A moment of panic taking over until I felt a large hand on my arm, yanking me through the crowd. I stumbled along, just trying to stay upright until I was pulled outside, being shoved down the driveway by a very angry Billy.

"Wait, Billy, slow down! You're hurting me!"

He let go of my arm with the next push forward, my hands flying up to catch myself on the hood of his car before I ended up face first in the gravel.

"Billy! What the fuck?"

"Get in the fucking car," he growled, storming around to the driver's side and slamming the door shut behind him.

I crawled into the passenger seat, tucking myself against the door as he peeled out of the driveway. He was weirdly quiet, muscles clenching in his jaw and hands flexing on the steering wheel. Beyond angry.

"B, what's wrong?"

The engine revved louder, creeping up to dangerous speeds as we whipped around corners.

"B, please. Slow down," I pleaded, reaching out to graze his arm.

He flinched, "don't."

"Don't? Billy, what's wrong?"

"Don't play fucking dumb!" He yelled, "you cheated on me!"

I stared at him, dumbfounded and whispered, "what?"

He stomped on the brake, launching me forward until my seatbelt locked, digging into skin to stop me from flying into the dashboard. Let out a loud huff of breath as he threw the car into park and then...he exploded.

"The last summer party, I wasn't there so you threw yourself at them. What? You're so needy you couldn't handle being alone for a few fucking hours so you sleep with a fucking group of guys?"

I shook my head, "no...I, that's not..."

"Quit lying to me! They told me all about it, that you asked for it! They bragged about how good you were. You refuse to sleep with me but a group of strangers is fine? Seriously? Just to fuck with my head? To get back at me? Well, good fucking job! You got me!"

"B...no..I didn't..."

"Get out," he muttered.

I quickly glanced out the window behind him, at the blackness of the night, the houses I knew were closer to his house than mine.

"B..."

"Get out of my car, you fucking whore!"

I scrambled to get out of the car, barely holding back tears until he peeled away.

I collapsed just inside the door of my house when I finally got home. Fell against the door, hugging my knees and sobbing loudly into them. Crawled to the phone, pulling it down to the floor to dial. It took a while before he finally answered.

"Hello?" His voice was low and groggy, still mostly asleep.

"Stevie?" I sobbed, "I need you."

"Five minutes," he murmured before hanging up.

I curled up on the floor, feeling like my chest was cracking open. A jagged chasm starting at my heart and spreading out, threatening to break me to pieces and swallow me down.

I didn't hear Steve's car pull into the driveway, didn't notice the front door opening. I just suddenly felt myself being scooped up, pulled forward into a warm chest and tucked under his chin. Holding me together.

Steve sat there, running his hand up and down my back as I cried into his chest. The soft material of his shirt soaking up saltwater until it clung to his skin.

"It's okay," he murmured into my hair, "I'm here. I'm always here."

-- Steve's POV

Cat and I had been inseparable for the past couple weeks since her and Billy broke up. I'd spent more nights wrapped around her then I spent by myself. I found myself having nightmares more often that not and preferred to not spend the night alone, but we would compromise with calling each other if we had to be apart.

Nightmares where I was running through a sea of people, struggling to break free of them. Where I knew Cat was in danger but I could never find her until it started raining. Cold water poured from the sky, dissolving the people I'd been pushing through until I was face to face with Cat. "Why didn't you save me?" She'd cry. The rain turned to acidic blood, burning me and staining her skin as I watched her shrinking before my eyes. Skin stretched tight over jutting bones until it burst, leaving jagged rips in her skin. "Why didn't you save me?" She'd cry again. "I'm trying!" I'd scream. But she always dissolved into ash, floating away into nothing. Then I'd jolt awake, panting and panicked, sometimes waking Cat and Rocky when I did. Cat would roll over to sleepily nuzzle her face into my bare chest and stretch her hand across my stomach to intertwine her fingers with mine while murmuring, "it's okay, I'm here, Stevie." The nights I didn't wake her, I'd wrap my arms tight around her, holding my breath as I waited to feel her chest moving and then I'd sigh into her hair and wait for sleep to take me again.

She had eventually stopped crying every night, but I could tell she was hiding how she was really feeling. Even though she would laugh and smile around me, I could still see her slowly wasting away, could see hollows become darker and angles become sharper. I could see the hurt that she had buried deep inside. I wanted nothing more than to take that away, to bring the light back to her life and keep her protected. To stop my nightmares from becoming reality.

Tonight, Cat had gone home by herself with the promise to call me later. She had said she wanted to spend some time with her mom. But it was nearing eleven o'clock and I still hadn't heard from her, usually if she was alone she would have called by nine or ten. My worry got the best of me and I decided to just drive over and check on her.

I was met with a quiet house. Too quiet. I ducked into Cat's room first and found it empty except for Rocky. I padded over to the bathroom and knocked lightly on the door.

"Cat? You in here?"

I waited in silence for a moment before pushing the door open and freezing. I felt like my heart had dropped into my stomach and kicked up into my throat at the same time. My throat was so tight I didn't think I was actually breathing, except I could hear the quick, panicky breaths I was taking.

Cat was lying in a tub full of water, only wearing a bra and underwear. I'd seen her naked before, knew that she was sick but there was still no way to be prepared. No way to prepare yourself to see the hollows between her bones, the new and old scars across her body. It broke my heart to see her, to know that I wasn't able to protect her from this. From herself.

Her head lolled against the side of the tub, just barely out of the water. I lurched forward, dropping down hard on my knees next to the tub and yanked the plug out before grabbing the sides of her face.

"Cat, hey!" I gently slapped her cheek, trying to wake her up.

I saw her eyes twitch and felt a moment of relief. I looked around for a towel and saw an empty bottle of aspirin lying on the ground next to the tub.

"Fuck," I muttered, "fuck, fuck, fuck, okay."

I knew what I had to try, had heard what to do in this situation before. So I climbed into the tub behind her, holding her cold, wet body against my chest and reached forward to turn the shower on. Warm water sprayed over us, soaking my clothes.

"Come on, Cat," I pleaded, pressing my fingers past her lips, "please, don't leave me."

I pressed harder, my fingers dipping into her throat. I tensed when her body jerked and kept pushing my fingers down her throat until she puked. Tipped her forward to direct the puke into the drain and then leaned back to let her head rest on my shoulder.

"Hey, come on, Cat. Wake up, please."

I tried to shake her, which only resulted in a small groan. I had to force her to puke twice more before she started coughing and her eyes fluttered open.

"Oh my god," I sighed, wrapping my arms around her, "it's okay, I'm here, I've got you."

She tipped her head into my chest and started crying, clutching my shirt in her hands.

"Why...why would you...?"

"I didn't-"

"Don't...there's no way you can tell me this isn't exactly what it looks like. Why didn't you call me?"

She curled tighter against me and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to hold back tears.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered, "I'm so sorry, Stevie."

"Hey," I soothed, "we're okay, I've got you."

I leaned forward to turn the water off and pulled Cat up and out of the tub.

"Where are the towels?"

She gestured towards a closet and I got her to sit on the edge of the tub before I went to gather towels. When we were mostly dried off I picked her up and carried her to her room where I set her on the edge of her bed and kneeled down to look at her.

"Cat, where's your mom?"

"Gone, another work thing," she murmured, "said she'd be gone for a while."

"Come stay with me."

"Stevie, I'm okay...I swear, I didn't...it was an accident."

I reached forward to grab her hands in mine, "you don't have to lie to me, I want to help you. Pack a bag and come stay with me."

I was able to hold myself together until Cat was unpacking in my room and I left to empty medicine cabinets and hide the contents. It hit me then that I had just saved her life. That there had been a possibility of losing my best friend. I broke, sitting at the kitchen table. Buried my face in my hands and just let the sobs wrack my body until my throat felt hoarse.

Soon enough, small, cool hands wrapped around me and I felt Cat's face nuzzle into the crook of my neck. Felt the saltwater on her face as it dragged, soothing heated skin. I reached up with one arm, my fingers sliding through damp hair to hold her close.

I shivered when I felt her lips against my neck as she whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Stevie."

--

I had a new nightmare now. I was walking on a beach, surrounded by eery silence even though waves crashed angrily next to me. The moonlight cast a silver shine off the top of the water but there still wasn't enough light for me to see further than what was right in front of me. And then a flash of lightning and suddenly, I could hear everything. The roar of the water, the sand sliding under my feet, a mournful siren wailing in the distance, it was too much, too loud to think. I was running, feet sinking deep into the sand, running as fast as I could but going nowhere. Then another flash of lightning and everything settled. Crashing waves stilled, frozen in the air. The wailing didn't stop though, just became quieter and more haunting. My feet were stuck in the sand when I saw her, washed up on the beach. Cat's pale skin had started to turn blue. I struggled, trying to get to her, but the more I fought, the deeper I sunk in the sand. I tried to claw my way out, desperate to save her, but my arms were swallowed up. The sand consumed me until my head was barely above it and I couldn't move anymore. Another flash of lightning and the waves came down on her, sweeping her away. In an instant, she was gone, carried off into the dark. My screaming only stopped when sand filled my mouth.

--

The nightmares were catching up to me, keeping me up at night and exhausted all day. I'd been struggling to stay awake all day, my eyes getting heavier and heavier as the day wore on.

"What happened, Harrington? You look like shit. You know she's just another whore," Billy sneered, leaning against the lockers next to me, "not worth losing sleep over."

I rolled my eyes and huffed, "fuck off, Hargrove."

"Unless she's keeping you up a different way?" He smirked, a cruel glint in his eye, "that your thing? Get some friends together and pass her around? I hear she begs for it. You should invite me some time, I never got a chance."

I knew it was stupid, that he was bigger than me, stronger than me and could easily pummel me into the ground. But it didn't stop me from throwing the first punch. I got in a few punches before I was down on the ground, no longer fighting, just trying to protect my face.

All around us, people were yelling. Some cheering on the fight, some screaming for us to stop. Suddenly, Billy was yanked off me and held back by one of the guys on the football team. I was helped up to my feet, my head pounding as I glared at him.

"She was raped, you fucking asshole!" I spat, "those creeps drugged and raped your girlfriend and you just tossed her to the side! She needed help and you abandoned her!"

I didn't even realize that had come out of my mouth until I heard the reaction of the crowd around us. The gasps and murmuring. Billy's face dropped just before I heard.

"Steve?"

I turned to see Cat behind me, her face full of hurt and shock, eyes wide and full of tears. I knew I had fucked up, big time.

She turned and ran. Away from the school and away from me.

--

"Steve, I can't do this anymore. People won't stop talking, whispering behind my back. I don't know what's worse, the pitying looks some people give me or the accusing looks from people who still believe the lies. All I know is...I'm sorry...love you, Stevie."

Cat's voice on the answering machine sent chills down my spine. It was hollow, cold and lifeless. I knew what that voice meant, where her head was. I grabbed my keys and ran out to my car, cursing every second that ticked by.

I found her, barely conscious in a pool of blood. Choked on my sobs as I wrapped her wrists in bandages with shaking hands. Carried her to her room and helped her change into clean clothes before tucking her into bed. Saw the way her bones were even more prominent now than ever before. I stained my hands red cleaning up her blood and threw clothes and towels into the laundry machine. Scrubbed my hands raw trying to clean them before giving up and grabbing Cat something to drink and going back to her room.

I sat down on the edge of her bed with a heavy sigh, "Cat, you're out of control."

"Stevie.." she breathed.

"You lied...you lied to me and said you were fine," I choked, trying and failing to keep myself together, "I can't keep doing this, Cat. I can't let you keep destroying yourself...I can't lose you."

"I'm sorry..I don't mean to be a problem.."

I blinked tears out of my eyes and looked over at her, "please. Please, Cat. You need help. I can help you get treatment, or we can try to get through this ourselves but you need to want help. You need to let me help you," I pleaded, "please."

"I don't think I can.."

"You can, I believe in you. I'll be here to help, I'm always here for you. I won't give up on you. Please, try...for me? Let me take care of you."

She looked down, away from me, "you don't have to, Stevie. It'll be awful work."

I shifted so I could grab the side of her face in my hand, "not to me, not if it's you...I know it won't be easy but I want to," I took a moment before blurting out, "I love you. I love you so much, Cat. Let me help you, please?"

I felt her hand on my cheek, her thumb moving to brush tears away. I clasped my other hand around hers keeping it there and leaned into her touch. Leaned into the thought that everything will be okay, that she'll be okay and just let myself have that.

--

I could see Cat coming across the parking lot towards my car, moving slowly and giving me a tired smile when she caught me staring. I'd spent the weekend with her, changing bandages and doing my best to get her to eat small bits of food throughout the day. Something to try and bring her energy up, but she had slept most of the weekend and was still drained this morning. She wore one of my sweaters over her own, for extra warmth and for the longer sleeves to hide her bandages under.

She was almost at my car when Billy stepped out in front of her. Put himself between us and stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

"Cat, can we talk?"

She hesitated before jerking her head to nod, "okay."

"I just..I was a fucking asshole. I shouldn't have just taken their word, I should have asked you what happened."

"Thanks," she mumbled, trying to move around him.

Billy caught her wrist in his hand and I had to hold myself back when I saw her wince, her whole body tensing as she tried not to react.

"Wait, please," his grip loosened to slide up her arm as he drew closer.

My teeth were on edge, clenched together so tight I thought they'd crack. I kept Cat in my sight, ready to step in if she needed me.

"I love you," he murmured, "don't you get it? We could be together again."

She looked down for a moment, her eyes glassy when she looked past Billy's shoulder towards me. There was a moment where I thought she'd be back in his arms. I took a small step forward, waiting.

Cat stepped out of his grasp, "no, we can't."

She walked around him at the same time I continued forward to meet her halfway. I wrapped my arms around her when she buried her face in my chest and kissed the top of her head. I cast a glance toward Billy, who looked hurt and angry before storming off to his Camaro and tucked my face against Cat's hair. Breathed in her vanilla scent and felt love shining in my chest.

"I'm here, I've got you," I whispered, holding her tight.

--

"Stevie," Cat murmured, "is something going on?"

I took a deep breath and buried my face in the crook of her neck, shaking my head softly. I'm fine, I need to be fine.

She rolled in my arms so she could face me, "what is it? Talk to me."

My heart started to race as my eyes began to water. I tried to blink back the tears, I need to be fine.

"I'm fine," my voice wavered.

"Don't lie, not to me."

I blew out my breath, feeling my lip tremble when the words hit my tongue.

"What is it about me that's not good enough?"

"What?" She leaned up on her elbow, worry creasing her eyebrows.

Tears started to roll down my face, "am I doing something wrong?"

"Oh, Stevie," she soothed, her hand coming up to hold my face, "no, you're not doing anything wrong. Why would you think that?"

I held her hand tight, pressing it to my face and let my fears out, "you're not getting any better...and I just, I can't...those times I found you, I thought I'd lost you and it almost destroyed me. I don't, don't know what I'd do if you died...I couldn't bear it, not if I could have saved you. Please, tell me what you need...what can I do?"

--

"Stevie? What are you doing here?"

It was just starting to cool down as the sun began to set and I had planned a surprise date for us. The back of my car had everything I needed to take Cat on a picnic before driving out of town to the drive in theatre.

I reached out and took her hand in mine, "I planned a surprise date for us. If you want to come with me, that is."

She smiled, her eyes twinkling as she looked at me, "I'd love to. Do I need anything? Am I dressed okay?"

Cat was dressed in one of my sweaters, a dark blue one that hung loose over her frame and almost reached her knees, and a pair of dark leggings. Black hair piled messily on top of her head. She looked relaxed, beautiful.

"You're perfect," I murmured.

"A picnic?" Cat held her arms crossed over her waist, still nervous even though we'd been working together to help her get better, "I don't know..."

I flattened out a blanket overlooking the lake and turned back to her. Crossed to grab her hands in mine and loop them around my neck and smoothed my hands down her back.

"It's okay, I'm here," I whispered, touching my forehead to hers, "you can do this. You're so strong and so beautiful...inside and out. Trust me?"

Her fingers combed through my hair, sending chills down my spine, "yes."

I kissed her forehead softly before leading her to sit on the blanket and started pulling out the food I'd brought. I pulled out containers of fruit, cheese and crackers and a couple of drinks and set them down in front of us.

"This is only part one of our date, so I just brought a snack."

In truth, I knew bringing too much food would stress Cat out, but I made sure to pack things I knew she liked to hopefully get her to have more. She smiled, grabbed a bright, red strawberry from a container and scooted over so she could lean against me. 'Don't think, just eat,' was the motto we'd come up with so she started idly talking about her day, what she was going to do for the rest of the weekend and what she wanted my help with for class. We sat there and watched the sun set over Lover's Lake, just relaxing and enjoying our time together. Cat ended up eating more than I thought she would, distracted by talking until we realized the food was gone. She turned to me and beamed, practically glowing with happiness.

"Can I kiss you?" I murmured.

Her lips were sticky sweet, a smile stretching so far I could feel it. She twisted in my lap, wrapping her legs around my waist and tangling long fingers in my hair. I held her waist with one hand and her face with the other. With a sigh, her lips parted and her tongue cautiously swept across mine. She stole the air from my lungs like she needed it to keep her afloat and I happily let her. Would let her take my last breath if she needed. I forced myself to break the kiss, to tip my forehead against hers and try to catch my breath.

"I love you," I whispered, lips brushing against hers.

"I love you," she breathed.

--

"I don't want to die anymore."

I pulled my head back to look at her. She was curled against my chest as we laid in bed, a soft glow illuminating from a lamp. I slid my hand between the light sheet and Cat's bare skin, my fingers lightly running along her side. Cat twisted her hand in mine, tracing my palm absently. I stayed quiet, pressing a kiss the back of her head.

"I haven't for a while now...not even sure I wanted to before...I just, I felt like I was drowning, y'know?"

I nuzzled into her hair, "mhm.."

"I'm so sorry, Stevie...for everything. I wish that I could take it all back," she sniffed, "I wish I could have spared you...been a person, not a problem."

I shifted, rolling to look at Cat and holding her face in my hand. Wiped a tear away from her cheek with my thumb and shook my head lightly.

"I don't...if this was us meeting for the first time, I'd do it all again. The tears, anxiety and nightmares, everything...you understand? I'd go through hell if it meant I could hold your hand. You were never a problem, you needed help. I would go through that again and again because I love you."

She pressed her face into my hand, inhaling deeply and smiling, "I love you."

--

Through therapy, Cat found that she loved working out with me. She loved finding beauty in strength, loved pushing and challenging herself to do better every day. Muscle had been building under her skin, softening once harsh angles. She was a whole new person now, proud of the muscle that helped out lift me. Liked to make a show of opening jars for me just to make herself laugh. Sometimes, I'd purposely tighten lids just to see her smile when she pried them off.

Sure, we still had bad days. Days where I jolted awake in the middle of the night and held my breath as I waited to see Cat's chest slowly rise and fall. Days where Cat would stare out absently, fingers grabbing at curves or lightly tracing scarred skin. Scars that were hidden by tattoos now, invisible to anyone who didn't know. Days where we needed some extra love. But those times never lasted and became less frequent the more we grew.

Cat raced up the last of the hill, panting when she turned to smile at me.

"I beat you!"

I jogged up the last few steps and grabbed Cat tight, lifting and spinning her around.

"Steve!" She laughed, "put me down!"

I set her down, spinning her so we could both look out over the cliff at Lover's Lake. Set my chin on her shoulder and hugged her gently.

Looked over the water, shimmering silver in the golden light of the afternoon and decided this was perfect.

I turned my face into her neck, kissing gently and murmuring, "can I keep you?"

I was hyper aware of the weight in my pocket, of my fluttering heart and of her skin against mine.

She turned her face, looking over at me as much as she could, "what?"

I used one hand to spin her around, my other hand sliding into my pocket. With the cool metal between my fingers, I dropped to my knee.

"Cat, you are...everything to me. I want to wake up next to you every day, I want to take care of you and love you for the rest of my life..."

Her breath hitched and her fingers started to tremble in mine, her eyes tearing as she looked at me, "Stevie..."

I swallowed past the lump in my throat and looked up at her. At the love of my life, the one person I would lay down my own life for and asked.

@alias-b @charmed-asylum

[onewaigu]

Memory (pt.2)

Genre : short story

Theme : angst

Pairing : Kanghyun(Onewe) X Reader

Description : time had stopped once you caught his eyes. this was the very first time you guys met in a very long time. were you friends? who knows. you did ruin a perfectly normal friendship with him. Question was, why were your eyes filled with regret when you saw Kang Hyungu in front of you?

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Smiling with a drink in hand, I can talk about it now.

“That'll be-”, you choked on your own words.

You couldn't believe it. Out of all the people in the world, your first ever customer had to be him. Kang Hyungu. Maybe it wasn't him, maybe your eyes were just playing tricks on you. You tried to convince yourself.

“..free-of-charge?”, he cocked his eyebrow questioningly. He was probably amused at your sudden daze.

You snapped out of it.

“2000 Won please”, you avoided his gaze looking at only the money in his outstretched hand.

Once he took the change you gave him, you let out a deep sigh of relief. An air of awkwardness was clouding your consciousness that you weren't even aware you were holding your breath for quite some time.

Finally, he was about to leave.

Except he didn't though. Instead, he paused right in front of the store's entrance with his hand clutching the door's handle, head bowed.

From your peripheral vision, you stared at him quizzically. Slowly in that short period of time, questions started to flood your head only to be interrupted.

Scoff.

“Did you really think I wouldn't recognise you, Y/N?”

He chuckled but it was different than before. Your heart clenched upon hearing the once familiar sound, now coated with an essence of melancholy.

Time seemed to miraculously slow down. The silence in between was almost deafening. Your heart was pounding against your chest. No.

“And here I thought I'd gotten the wrong person but no, it is you isn't it?”, he humoured sarcastically. Ah, that hurt.

Before you could muster up the courage to reply him, you found his fingers curled around your wrist before gently yet firmly dragging you around the counter and out of the store.

You couldn't care less about leaving the store unsupervised. Besides, there weren't many people around.

Thunk.

The sound of the banana milk bottles hitting the table outside brought you out of your thoughts. “You never changed, huh?”, he asked, a faint glimmer of jest in his eyes.

“Still the same Y/N who loves daydreaming”

Now both of you were facing each other, sitting at the table outside the store. The LED lights behind you were illuminating softly onto Hyungu's face. It made him look like an angel almost. Anyone who saw him at this moment would have described him with one word — ethereal. Your eyes unconsciously wandered around his features. Blond suited him well.

“There you go, again”

“So do you”

“Hm?”

You repeated yourself, “I mean, you changed too”. Specks of red dusted your cheeks.

“We have something in common then”, you caught him lifting the corners of his mouth slightly.

I wanna go back, back, back, back, back.

Fitting. Cause you wanted to go back to how it was before with the banana-haired boy in front of you.

“Hm, nice song”, Hyungu hummed.

“..yeah”, your voice trailed.

“It makes me wanna ask, do you ever wanna go back?”, he asked knowing you knew what he meant by 'going back'.

There it was. The kind smile that you always saw whenever you were with him. With your friend, Hyungu.

He nodded understandingly at your silence, he knew. Of course he would.

“If only he hadn't existed in our lives, huh?”

Both of you knew who he meant. Kim Youngjo.

Seemingly perfect to anyone who knew of him, he was a year above you in school. Raven-coloured hair, alluring dark orbs, pearl-white teeth. Juniors idolised him while seniors wanted to be friends with him.

Everything happened when he crossed paths with you.

Ring!

It was lunchtime but you and Hyungu decided to skip it for the school library instead.

Miss Lee, the school's librarian, had told the both of you that the library was going to be restocked with newly-released manhwas. You guys were manhwa addicts so it wasn't surprising that you wanted to be the first two to grab ahold of them.

A few manhwas in, your eyes were starting to droop involuntaringly. Glancing to your right, you saw Hyungu's black fluff of hair touching the pages of a manhwa he was reading. Idiot fell asleep.

You tried to tug the manhwa from under him so he wouldn't drool all over it but you accidentally tugged too hard Hyungu's head hit the table with a low thud.

Oops.

Someone stiffled a laugh.

Your head shot up to see Kim Youngjo-sunbaenim standing near a bookshelf not to far from a still-sleeping Hyungu, trying hard to hide his laughter.

You smiled gingerly in his direction.

That was the very first interaction.

Spicy food should be dubbed as the devil's food in your honest opinion. It tempted and it tortured people. Too bad, your love for it had blinded any signs of rationality in you. You kept eating it then regretting after.

One day, you had bought spicy tteokbokki for lunch. Normally whenever you were having a spicy food crisis, Hyungu would immediately get you some fruits to cool down the spice.

However, he was on sick leave that day so you were forced to suffer silently in your seat. The spiciness was too much you couldn't even stand up.

Luckily for you, a bottle of banana milk appeared in front of your eyes. You didn't even care who gave it to you, you immediately downed the whole bottle.

Later you found out that it was Youngjo-sunbaenim who had given you the banana milk. Blush creeped up your cheeks out of embarrassment. How kind of him.

After that, both you and Youngjo-oppa kept crossing paths with each other. Every time you did, he'd always give you a bottle of banana milk. You found it cute. Days passed and the two of you slowly got closer each day. People were waiting and expecting you two to date.

Eventually on your birthday, he met you after school with two bottles of banana milk in hand.

“Aw, two for me? Tell me, Youngjo-oppa..do you maybe have a crush on me?”, you nudged his shoulders teasingly.

He scratched his red ears, “Actually Y/N, yeah I do”.

You stopped in your tracks. His blunt honesty caught you off guard. Yeah you always thought he was cute and kind but never did you imagine the two of you being more than friends. It made you curious.

“D-do you maybe wanna be more than friends with me?”, he stammered while he fidgeted with his hands behind his back.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, do you..wanna be my girlfriend?”

For the rest of your school years, you and Youngjo-oppa paraded the hallways as an item. It began with him joining you and Hyungu during lunch. Then he was practically there with the two of you anytime and anywhere. You found it quite endearing..in the past.

Blind love took ahold of you that even when Hyungu would always excuse himself everytime Youngjo-oppa appeared, you didn't even think twice as to why he did it.

The more you were with Youngjo-oppa, the more you were drifting apart from Hyungu. You didn't even notice.

Dating Youngjo-oppa was a thrill. You skipped lessons with him, hanging out under the bleachers. You would sneak out of the apartment at 2 in the morning to go to noraebangs with him. Being with him made you rebellious and you thought that it made you happy.

Until one day, Hyungu approached you after you had avoided him for a few weeks straight.

“Y/N”, he called out.

You tried to avoid him but he was too fast. He then led you under an empty staircase. His face devoid of any humour. “What's happening to you, Y/N?”, he asked looking at your eyes that were avoiding his gaze.

You shrugged him off, “Absolutely nothing's happening to me, Hyungu”.

Just as you were about to leave, he'd caught ahold of your wrist before replying to you in his most gentlest voice, “This isn't funny anymore, Y/N. You know you've changed ever since that guy entered our lives”. He sounded like a defeated puppy.

“That guy is my boyfriend, Hyungu and if you can't accept that then maybe you're much better off without me!”, your voice started to raise, anger boiled in your veins. The nerve of him insulting your boyfriend.

“No I'm not, Y/N..because I care about you”, his voice cracked saying those last words.

“Well, if you cared about me you would understand my feelings”

With that, you just left him alone under the staircase without even daring to look back. Little did you know with slumped shoulders, Hyungu was trying hard not to let his tears fall as your back became smaller in his blurry vision.

From then on, both of you didn't talk to each other even until Hyungu graduated. Unfortunately for you, you had to stay back a year because your grades were failing. So after a few long years of friendship..that was eventually ruined, the two of you were finally not going to see each other everyday.

You always thought to yourself about how stupid you were for trusting Kim Youngjo more than your bestfriend. Now you were alone without a trusted friend or a cheating snake by your side. If you could, you wished to go back to how things were before.

Whoever heard your prayers, you couldn't thank them enough. You had been wondering if fate ever decided to make the two of you cross paths again.

Finally, you were there sipping banana milk with him.

Looking back then, I would've called myself a fool.

[a/n]

this one really took a long time to write heh, anyways here's the angsty part two of Memory ^ ^ Part three's gonna be them talking it out with each other~

enjoy reading and stan Onewe

(video credit : Onewe - Reminisce About All)

[stanbillyhargrove]

Demons - an AU

A/N: Billy learns about Cat's assault from the guys who did it. T/W: eating disorder, self harm, suicide

Cat's POV

Another party. Another house full of nameless faces. Another night managing panic with burning alcohol.

What the queen must do for her king.

Push down the memories. Smile. Accept every drink and more. Dance, laugh. Harmless fun, right?

Right.

I lost Billy early on in the night, swept away in a sea of jocks to protect his crown. I was left behind, letting the music pound through my bones as I joined the crowd of dancers. I was well and truly wasted by the time I saw Billy across the room. He was standing in the kitchen, arms crossed against his chest as he stared at me. Saw a pack of guys I barely recognized around him, talking and laughing and then...gesturing at me. I watched Billy's shoulders tense, rolling back tightly as they kept talking to him.

I felt the panic swell and looked away. Felt myself being bumped around by chaotic dancers when I stopped moving. Just a moment, a moment of blood pounding in my ears. Of trying to gulp down breaths. My hands came up to my chest, like I could hold myself together and stop my heart from thundering out of my ribs if I just held tight enough.

A moment of panic taking over until I felt a large hand on my arm, yanking me through the crowd. I stumbled along, just trying to stay upright until I was pulled outside, being shoved down the driveway by a very angry Billy.

"Wait," I slurred, "Billy, slow down! You're hurting me!"

He let go of my arm with the next push forward, my hands flying up to catch myself on the hood of his car before I ended up face first in the gravel.

"Billy! What the fuck?"

"Get in the fucking car," he growled, storming around to the driver's side and slamming the door shut behind him.

I crawled into the passenger seat, tucking myself against the door as he peeled out of the driveway. He was weirdly quiet, muscles clenching in his jaw and hands flexing on the steering wheel. Beyond angry.

"B, what's wrong?"

The engine revved louder, creeping up to dangerous speeds as we whipped around corners.

"B, please. Slow down," I pleaded, reaching out to graze his arm.

He flinched, "don't."

"Don't? Billy, what's wrong?"

"Don't play fucking dumb!" He yelled, "you cheated on me!"

I stared at him, dumbfounded and whispered, "what?"

He stomped on the brake, launching me forward until my seatbelt locked, digging into skin to stop me from flying into the dashboard. Let out a loud huff of breath as he threw the car into park and then...he exploded.

"The last summer party, I wasn't there so you threw yourself at them. What? Couldn't handle being alone for a few fucking hours so you sleep with a fucking group of guys?"

I shook my head, "no...I, that's not..."

"Quit lying to me! They told me all about it, that you asked for it! They bragged about how good you were. You refuse to sleep with me but a group of strangers is fine? Seriously? Just to fuck with my head?"

"B...no..I didn't..."

"Get out," he muttered.

I quickly glanced out the window behind him, at the blackness of the night, the houses I knew were closer to his house than mine.

"B..."

"Get out of my car, you fucking whore!"

I scrambled to get out of the car, barely holding back tears until he peeled away.

I collapsed just inside the door of my house when I finally got home. Fell against the door, hugging my knees and sobbing loudly into them. I got myself together enough to crawl to the phone, pulling it down to the floor to dial. It took a while before he finally answered.

"Hello?" His voice was low and groggy, still mostly asleep.

"Stevie?" I hiccuped, "I need you."

"Five minutes," he murmured before hanging up.

I curled up on the floor, falling into the heartache as I waited.

I soon felt myself being scooped up, pulled forward into a warm chest and tucked under a soft chin.

Steve sat there, running his hand up and down my back as I cried into his chest.

"It's okay," he murmured into my hair, "I'm here. I'm always here."

-- Steve's POV

Cat and I had been inseparable for the past couple weeks since her and Billy broke up. I'd spent more nights wrapped around her then I spent by myself. She eventually stopped crying every night, but I could tell she was hiding how she was really feeling. Even though she would laugh and smile around me, I could see the hurt in her eyes. I wanted nothing more than to take that away, to bring the light back to her life and keep her protected.

Tonight was one of the nights that Cat had gone home by herself with the promise to call me later. But it was nearing eleven o'clock and I still hadn't heard from her, usually she would have called by nine or ten. My worry got the best of me and I decided to just drive over and check on her.

I was met with a quiet house. Too quiet. I ducked into Cat's room first and found it empty except for Rocky. Next I padded over to the bathroom and knocked lightly on the door.

"Cat? You in here?"

I waited in silence for a moment before pushing the door open and freezing. I felt like my heart had dropped into my stomach and kicked up into my throat at the same time. My throat was so tight I didn't think I was actually breathing, except I could hear the quick, panicky breaths I was taking.

Cat was lying in a tub full of water, only wearing a bra and underwear. I'd seen her naked before, knew that she was sick but there was still no way to be prepared. No way to prepare yourself to see the hollows between her bones, the new and old scars across her body. It broke my heart to see her, to know that I wasn't able to protect her from this. From herself.

Her head lolled against the side of the tub, just barely out of the water. I lurched forward, dropping down hard on my knees next to the tub and yanked the plug out before grabbing the sides of her face.

"Cat, hey!" I gently slapped her cheek, trying to wake her up.

I saw her eyes twitch and felt a moment of relief. I looked around for a towel and saw an empty bottle of aspirin lying on the ground next to the tub.

"Fuck," I muttered, "fuck, fuck, fuck, okay."

I knew what I had to try, had heard what to do in this situation before. So I climbed into the tub behind her, holding her cold, wet body against my chest and reached forward to turn the shower on. Warm water sprayed over us, soaking my clothes.

"Come on, Cat," I pleaded, pressing my fingers past her lips, "please, don't leave me."

I pressed harder, my fingers dipping into her throat. I tensed when her body jerked and kept pushing my fingers down her throat until she puked. Tipped her forward to direct the puke into the drain and then leaned back to let her head rest on my shoulder.

"Hey, come on, Cat. Wake up, please."

I tried to shake her, which only resulted in a small groan. I had to force her to puke twice more before she started coughing and her eyes fluttered open.

"Oh my god," I sighed, wrapping my arms around her, "it's okay, I'm here, I've got you."

She tipped her head into my chest and started crying, clutching my shirt in her hands.

"Cat, what the fuck?"

"I didn't-"

"Bullshit. There's no way you can tell me this isn't exactly what it looks like. Why would you do this?"

She curled tighter against me and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to hold back tears.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered, "I'm so sorry, Stevie."

"Hey," I soothed, "we're okay, I've got you."

I leaned forward to turn the water off and pulled Cat up and out of the tub.

"Where are the towels?"

She gestured towards a closet and I got her to sit on the edge of the tub before I went to gather towels. When we were mostly dried off I picked her up and carried her to her room where I set her on the edge of her bed and kneeled down to look at her.

"Cat, where's your mom?"

"Gone, another work thing," she murmured, "said she'd be gone for a while."

"Come stay with me."

"Stevie, I'm okay...I swear."

I reached forward to grab her hands in mine, "you don't have to lie to me, I want to help you. Pack a bag and come stay with me."

I was able to hold myself together until Cat was unpacking in my room and I left to empty medicine cabinets and hide the contents. It hit me then that I had just saved her life. That there had been a possibility of losing my best friend. I broke, sitting at the kitchen table. Buried my face in my hands and just let the sobs wrack my body.

Soon enough, small, cool hands wrapped around me and I felt Cat's face nuzzle into the crook of my neck.

I shivered when I felt her lips against my skin as she whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Stevie."

--

"You know she's a whore, Harrington."

I rolled my eyes, scoffing, "fuck off, Hargrove."

"Unless that's your thing?" He smirked, a cruel glint in his eye, "pass her around to all your friends? I hear she begs for it. You should invite me some time, I never got a chance."

I knew it was stupid, that he was bigger than me, stronger than me and could easily pummel me into the ground. But it didn't stop me from throwing the first punch. I got in a few punches before I was down on the ground, no longer fighting, just trying to protect my face.

All around us, people were yelling. Cheering on the fight. Until Billy was yanked off me and held back by one of the guys on the football team. I was helped up to my feet, my head pounding as I glared at him.

"She was raped, you fucking asshole!" I spat, "those creeps you believed drugged and raped your girlfriend and you just tossed her to the side!"

I didn't even realize that had come out of my mouth until I heard the reaction of the crowd around us. The gasps and murmuring. Billy's face dropped just before I heard.

"Steve?"

I turned to see Cat behind me, her face full of hurt and shock, eyes wide and full of tears. Instantly, I knew I fucked up.

She turned and ran out of the parking lot, away from the school and away from me.

--

"Steve, I can't do this anymore. People won't stop talking, whispering behind my back. I don't know what's worse, the pitying looks some people give me or the accusing looks from people who still believe the lies. All I know is...I'm sorry...love you, Stevie."

Cat's voice on the answering machine sent chills down my spine. It was hollow, cold and lifeless. I knew what that voice meant, where her head was. I grabbed my keys and ran out to my car, cursing every second that ticked by.

I found her, barely conscious in a pool of blood. Choked on my sobs as I wrapped her wrists in bandages with shaking hands. Carried her to her room and helped her change into clean clothes before tucking her into bed. Saw the way her bones were even more prominent now than ever before. I stained my hands red cleaning up her blood and threw clothes and towels into the laundry machine. Scrubbed my hands raw trying to clean them before giving up and grabbing Cat something to drink and going back to her room.

I sat down on the edge of her bed with a heavy sigh, "Cat, you're out of control."

"Stevie.." she breathed.

"I can't keep doing this, Cat. I can't let you keep destroying yourself...I can't lose you."

"I'm sorry.."

I blinked tears out of my eyes and looked over at her, "please. Please, Cat. You need help. I can help you get treatment, or we can try to get through this ourselves but you need to want help. You need to let me help you," I pleaded, "please."

"I don't think I can.."

"You can, I believe in you. I'll be here to help, I'm always here for you. I won't give up on you. Please, try...for me? Let me take care of you."

She looked down, away from me, "you don't have to, Stevie. It's awful."

I shifted so I could grab the side of her face in my hand, "not to me, not if it's you...I know it won't be easy but I want to," I took a moment before blurting out, "I love you. I love you so much, Cat. Let me help you, please?"

I felt her hand on my cheek, her thumb moving to brush tears away. I clasped my other hand around hers keeping it there and leaned into her touch. Leaned into the thought that everything will be okay, that she'll be okay and just let myself have that.

@alias-b @charmed-asylum