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starks-hero · 3 years

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I Remember All of Them

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky has a nightmare and it leads to a late night conversation.

Word Count: 2,029

Warnings: angst, mentions of canon-typical violence, mentions of alcohol

You'd woken up to an empty bed. You had turned on your side and lazily run your hand along the mattress, hoping to find a broad chest or metal arm but instead being greeted with an empty space beside you.

Your feet met the cool floorboards as you swung your legs over the edge of the bed and stood. You couldn't help but worry as you pulled on one of Bucky's shirts and left the room. You tried rationalising your thoughts despite your tired mind. Maybe he just couldn't sleep and went out on a run, he could have been in the bathroom, there were multiple harmless and simple possibilities. But the fear that it might just be something else, something bad, was enough to stir you from bed and go looking for him.

Your footsteps echoed in the hallway as you made your way to the kitchen and you sighed when you found Bucky sitting on a stool at the counter. Your relief melted away as you took in his appearance. He was hunched over the counter, arms crossed and hair dishevelled with what you recognised as a glass of scotch sitting idle in front of him. A weight set in your chest.

"Bucky," you said timidly and he jumped at your voice. He turned to you with a fearful expression, the metal of his arm whirling and clanking in defence as if he were ready for a fight. But when he realised it was you his tough, soldier facade fell away and he exhaled slowly. He didn't say anything, slumping further down in his chair as you joined him in the darkened room, not bothering to turn on the light.

You gingerly placed your hand against his shoulder and he almost unnoticeably flinched away. Your heart sank.

"Nightmare?" You asked and he nodded silently, hardened glare boring into the marble of the counter. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"Didn't want to scare you," he grumbled.

He didn't say anything else as you took a seat next to him, your hand slipping from his shoulder and resting against his bicep.

"You think when I wake up in the middle of the night and you're not there it's any less scary?"

Bucky sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face. He glanced at you with tired eyes.

"I'm sorry."

He hadn't meant to worry you. When he'd woken up in a cold sweat with a scream dying in his throat and turned to find you sleeping peacefully beside him he felt panic swell in his chest. The nightmare wasn't any different than the rest of them. It felt just as real as the others. But it's what had happened in the dream, what he'd done, that filled him with the overwhelming urge to get away from you. His subconscious couldn't help but torture him further by replacing the image of his victim with you. And replacing their screams with your voice, begging him to stop.

"It's okay, baby." Your voice pulled him back and grounded him. "Why don't you tell me what happened," you coaxed gently and he immediately shook his head.

"Don't want to."

"Bucky-"

"I can't," he said quickly, his voice sharp. He swallowed and shook his head and you noticed the tears building in his eyes. Gently, you slowly ran your hand up his arm and brushed it through his hair. He exhaled frailly.

"Why not?"

It was quiet for a moment as Bucky wrung his hands. His gaze lingered on the intricate workings of the vibranuim for a few seconds more before he closed the prosthetic hand into a loose fist.

"I don't want to lose you," he admitted quietly. His voice was barely above a whisper and he refused to look at you as you listened attentively, comfortingly rubbing his back. He felt his chest grow tighter as everything else fell past his parted lips all at once. "You're all I have. You're the best thing that's happened to me in a really long time and I can't risk losing you. I can't."

Your expression saddened as Bucky hid his face in his hands. You carefully wrapped an arm around him and pulled him into your side and he went willingly, flesh arm wrapping around your neck. You shushed him gently and his aching muscles relaxed against you. Horrifying images from his nightmare flashed to the forefront of his mind but he did his best to dismiss them as he clutched onto you tighter.

"You won't lose me, Bucky. I'm not going anywhere." You pulled back slightly and cupped his face with your free hand, your thumb tracing his cheek. "Your past doesn't scare me. I promised you that I'd stick by you no matter what happens and I meant it. You don't have to hide from me, Buck."

Your hand fell from his cheek and gently rested against his forearm and he did his best to focus on your touch. He took a deep breath as he sat up and cleared his throat.

"When I have them they feel so real it's like I'm reliving it. They're not just nightmares, they're memories. And I remember all of it." He said quietly, eyes not leaving the counter. He felt his stomach tie itself in a knot and an uncomfortable weight setting in on his chest. Yet he willed himself to keep going.

"Tonight it was a mission in Germany, sometime during the eighties. A hydra intel agent had gone rough and they sent me to take care of him. Hydra couldn't afford to have any loose ends so it was my job to tie them all up. I eliminated the target like I was supposed to but-"

He hesitated and inhaled sharply. He was fidgeting anxiously, his fingers tapping relentlessly against the counter. His hand was itching to reach out and take the glass of liquor still sat in front of him. If anything just to feel something other than the pain in his chest. But he with-held the urge. He knew it wouldn't help, but telling you would.

"A young couple saw. Jesus, they were just kids." His voice broke. "But I had my orders. No witnesses. So, I killed them."

Tears pricked his eyes and he found it difficult to hold them at bay. A lump was forming in his throat and he felt moments away from breaking.

"I killed them."

He gritted his teeth as he grappled with himself and the tears began to fall. The nightmare had been among the worst he'd had in months. He'd learned to find a certain peace in some, knowing those he killed were bad, corrupt people who had hurt others. But this time that wasn't the case. They were innocent and young and had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time. They could have had a life together. Bucky couldn't help but think how if it had not been for him then they could have been married with children, grandchildren by now. But they weren't. Their lives had been cut short by him.

You stood and pulled him into a gentle embrace as a quiet sob left his lips. Your hand ran through his hair as he rested his head against your stomach. Still seated, his arms encircled your waist.

You let him cry as he held onto you like a lifeline. Only when the tears had stopped and his voice had been reduced to a hoarse whimper did his grip ease ever so slightly. You pulled away and sat back down facing him. His expression was blank as he glanced at his hands, pale cheeks still stained by tears and his eyes red and puffy.

You reached up and gingerly brushed away the tears still clung to his cheek with the pad of your thumb.

"Bucky," you tried timidly but he didn't look at you. "Baby, listen to me."

He sighed and brokenly lifted his head. The vulnerability in his eyes made your heart ache. You kept your tone soft and reassuring.

"What happened wasn't your fault. You didn't have a choice. You're just as much of a victim as they were. Hydra killed those people. Hydra created him, the winter soldier. And he's not you, Bucky. He never was."

With a tired shake of his head, Bucky huffed.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I know you." You answered simply and Bucky's expression softened. "I know the real you. I know you don't like it when people call you James because it makes you feel old. I know that you love reading books and drinking green tea. And I know that even though you say you're not a people person you're really good with kids."

Bucky's brows creased and his lip trembled slightly as he looked to you and hung on to each and every one of your words. You smiled, tenderly tracing his jaw with your hand and he sighed, leaning into your touch.

"You're not a killer, Bucky. Don't blame yourself for something you had no control over. And don't compare yourself to the people who forced you to do it."

Your words hit home and Bucky found himself standing from his seat and pulling you to his chest before his mind could completely catch up with him. He held you tightly, composure threatening to slip away again but this time for a completely different reason. You softly uttered words of comfort as he pressed you to his chest.

"I love you," you said quietly after a moment and you heard, or rather you felt, Bucky chuckle quietly.

"Sometimes I can't help but wonder why."

His hands didn't leave the small of your back as you pulled away just enough to look up at him. Your reassuring smile sent a wave of warmth through him.

"Because you're a better man than you give yourself credit for. And because you're kind-hearted, strong, sweet, brave. I could go on forever. You're a hero, Bucky, and a good man. Whether your mind lets you believe it yet or not."

Sighing with a teary smile, Bucky pulled you closer and pressed a kiss to your temple. You felt the tension slowly melt from his shoulders and tensed muscles. As if a weight had been lifted from his burdened mind.

I love you too." He mumbled against your forehead and you hummed quietly, nuzzling into him. You stood together in shared silence for a few minutes, or maybe more, neither of you were counting. The chill gradually making its way up your spine and nipping at your exposed skin, along with the growing urge to yawn was the only thing that caused you to pull away and break the serenity of the moment. It was still pretty early and a few more hour in bed sounded ideal. You both needed it.

As you pulled away from the warmth of Bucky's embrace your eyes landed on the counter and you heard Bucky quietly sigh beside you.

"I didn't drink any," he explained, motioning to the untouched glass of scotch sitting on the counter top.

You smiled sadly and leaned up to kiss his cheek. He was always so hard on himself. Sometimes he seemed to forget he was only human.

"Don't worry about it, it's okay." You said comfortingly and he let his head fall gently against your shoulder. "Let's get back to bed, hm? We don't have to sleep if you don't want to. You can just rest and we can talk a little more?"

Bucky smiled against you. "I'd like that." A gentle kiss was placed to your shoulder. "Sounds perfect."

You gently caught Bucky's hand as you both left the kitchen and trudged back towards your shared room. The covers and sheets had grown cold as you crawled back into bed but Bucky didn't mind. He didn't mind at all. Certainly not as you lay beside him, his head coming to rest against your shoulder as your hand worked its way through his dishevelled hair. The nightmares were nothing but a thing of the past as he closed his eyes and sighed. He was home, safe and not alone.

tag list: @miraclesoflove @bakerstreethound @nahthanks @doozywoozy @the-queer-dungeoneer @kealohilani-tepsie

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes imagine #bucky imagine #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #tfatws x reader #bucky fanfic #I was supposed to post this last weekend but decided to wait until after the content freeze

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trannydean-moved · 2 years

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RvB Monster Realm!AU

@queerchorus wanted to hear about this so here is my most recent and honestly my current favorite au, my monster realm!au. (it's really long and i forgot to add a 'keep reading' thing last night)

It starts out with Simmons. Simmons is a human in the human realm and he's not doing all right. He's got a sucky dad who passive aggressively hates him, a job that underpays and stresses him out, and he's got no friends or acquaintances so he's lonely.

After a particularly bad day at work, he decides he's had enough, and he just runs for it. He takes his in-shitty-condition car and heads down the highway. No two-week notice to his job (bc they don't deserve one), no telling his landlord he's leaving (fuck landlords anyway). He just grabs a few things and leaves.

Unfortunately for him, he's stressed out to the point he didn't realize he's running low on gas, and he ends up broken down on the side of a lonesome highway. There's no service, so he can't call a tow truck (not that he could afford to pay for one anyway). He hasn't seen many other people driving along this highway since he got on it, so catching a ride to anywhere was slim. This poor guy is hitting his breaking point.

As Simmons is about to fuck it and start walking back in the direction he came, he seems something flash by in the woods that lines one side of the highway. Usually, he's smart enough to not go after something strange in the woods, but this guy isn't running on logic right now. Simmons goes after it to investigate.

As he chases this thing, he is only catching glimpses through the woods, he's beginning to wonder if his mind had been playing tricks on him. Then, Simmons catches more than a half-second glance of it, right before it just disappears in thin air.

Of course, Simmons is like "uh, what the fuck?" but, like the idiot he is, he goes to the spot it disappeared at. I don't know what he was expecting, but he disappeared too lol.

It turns out that Simmons had found a portal to another realm. It sort of overlaps the human realm--they co-exist over each other? Next to each other? I'm not exactly sure on the logistics quite yet. But whatever it is, there are folds in between the two realms that sometimes cause portals that can transport a being from one realm to the other.

If you're not used to this traveling between realms gig, there are side-effects like migraines, bleeding noses, etc. Simmons? He passes out.

Now, that strange thing Simmons was following was Tau [one of my AI OCs], the little pet dragon of Mich [my main RvB OC] (he's fit-in-your-arms small, so he's definitely on the littler side of dragon species in this realm.) Animals can sense the portals between realms a lot better than other beings, such as humans and several types of monsters, so they often go through the portals to explore each realm. That's why you get crows in the monster realm and the occasional unicorn in the human realm. Tau goes to the human realm to pick up trinkets and supplies and such to bring back to the monster realm (*cough cough* yes, like Owlbert in TOH *cough cough*).

As usual with each excursion Tau goes on, Mich is in the area Tau had left at, waiting for him. She had dragged Grif along to come with her, since no one else at their place was available (aka, Grif had the weakest excuse as to why he couldn't come along).

Before I go on with the plot, I'm going to explain what each of the RnBs (Carolina and Wash are not included as of yet) are so there's no confusion.

Sarge is a gremlin/goblin sort of thing (I haven't figured out which would benefit the plot and humor level more). He's short and grumpy and is quite into inventing. He's the "leader" of the Red side of the clan/group/pack and is very insistent on Reds and Blues being separate, they definitely all hate each other, blah blah blah. Even though they all live in the same house. It causes quite a many disagreements--like how Sarge refuses to use the front door, since it's on the Blues' "side" of the house, so he uses windows and tunnels to leave the house. Or how the kitchen is on the Reds' "side", and he tries demanding payment any time the Blues try getting a meal they need/want. Sarge also helped design and create the house they all live in... and he designed it specifically special for everyone... and he always takes much care in expanding the house when someone new comes to live with them, whether they're Red or Blue... he's somewhat of a hypocrite.

Grif is a werewolf because yes to a big hairy man. He and his little sister were separated from their pack years ago during migration (uh I forgot if there's another word for wolves traveling from different den areas) (also, they weren't separated by accident 👀👀). They were found by Sarge, who at the time only had Mich staying with him. Sarge took them in and raised them. Now, Grif lives in a house full of morons that he says he hates. He never moved once he got older, though, and doesn't really plan on it. He excuses it as he'd rather stick with a bunch of idiots rather than wander alone until he found a new pack. Really, he cares about them and doesn't want to leave them. He'll never admit that, though.

Donut's an angel. He's got the wings (no halo, though... sorry all) and he does have a true angel form, although not many have seen it. He only shifts into that form when he's genuinely pissed off, which is thankfully not often. A while back, he was injured by a couple of demons and was discarded in the woods. He was found by the RnBs and they took him in to help him get back to health. When he was healed, Donut decided to stay, since everyone was so nice and they were now all his friends, even if they don't always share his cheerful sentiment.

Mich... well, nobody knows exactly what she is, or where she came from. Sarge says that she was dropped off as a baby at his old place's doorstep, and he had taken her in and raised her. She doesn't doubt him... though maybe she should, because he's not telling her the full story. That'll be a plot point later on, though. For now, Mich calls herself a hybrid and loves the mystery of it. Everybody just goes along with it, since that's probably what she was, in some way. They speculate that she's at least part demon, due to her leathery wings and completely chaotic attitude. Despite being probably part-demon, however, she and Donut are best friends. Almost everyone is her best friend, however, because no matter how annoying and chaotic she is, she will find any way to make someone her friend, if she wants to. Nobody complains though, because they like her, too.

Doc is a wizard. He isn't the best at what he does--quite far from that, actually--which is why he had his healing license taken and was exiled from his guild/coven/whatever. That, and he was harboring an ill-tempered poltergeist named O'Malley. Doc can perform some healing magic, some of the time, which is good because these muttonheads of the RnB household are always getting hurt. He might be an incompetent at best healer, but he's a good friend (even if he does like to recommend strange things in the ways of cooking). He had been wandering around a busy market on day when Sarge spotted him. Seeing his now-torn healer guild/coven badge on his coat, Sarge asked Doc to come back to his home to help one of his kids house residents, who was sick at the time. Nervous but hopeful, Doc went with Sarge, and Doc ended up successfully healing them. Doc was more than overjoyed to actually do something right for once. He ended up asking Sarge if he could stay with the RnBa, and Sarge obliged.

I don't know what Lopez is yet, but he was created by the combined powers of Sarge and a wizard who visits on occasion to the RnB residence (it's Florida. He and Sarge are boyfriends). Lopez can speak every language other than "common", which is what most monsters universally speak, or at least understand. Lopez understands it, all right--he just refuses to speak it. And he almost never speaks in a language any of the residents understands--it's a stubbornness thing. Lopez is tired, so tired, but he is loyal to his family companions and sticks with them, despite having the opportunity to leave them multiple times. He helps with Sarge's inventions and tries to improve them... or at least make sure they don't explode anything. (If anyone has suggestions on what Lopez can be, I'm open to hear any!)

Church is what is known as a human reflection. He used to be a human who had accidentally found his way into the monster realm like Simmons had. Church was found by Donut and Mich, who had been in the woods gathering ingredients for a potion Doc was working on. They brough Church back to the RnB residence, but Church was desperate to get back to the human realm. He had friends, and a girlfriend. He wanted to get back home. Sarge told him that there was a way to create an artificial portal that can get him right back to the spot where he had entered the first portal (a natural portal can take you anywhere, and besides, they're very difficult to find). The process to make one, however, was difficult, and finding all of the ingredients is even more so. Despite this, Church was determined to get back home. They found everything (or what they thought was everything) in four months, which astonished the group--it was normal for it to take several more months, even years, to gather everything. Sarge built the portal, and after saying goodbye, Church stepped into the portal. However, the portal didn't take him right back to where he had come from. Something was wrong with the portal, and instead of taking him back to the human realm, he was now in the in-between space of the two realms. Every portal is one-way, natural or artificial, so now he couldn't even go back to the monster realm. So he's stuck in the in-between realm. But there's one good(?) thing about being stuck there is that he can see into both realms--he can appear in reflections in either realm to see into them. Mirrors, water, polished metal, anything like that (*cough cough* yes, another thing I borrowed from TOH). The RnBs put mirrors all over the house so he can appear anywhere he wants. Church now doesn't age, but his grumpiness continues to grow at a disappointingly steady rate.

Tucker is another human who stumbled into the monster realm. He came a few years after Church. He got found by Doc this time, looking for herbs. Doc brought Tucker back to the house, but not before making Tucker carry a bunch of stuff for him lmao. Unlike Church, when Tucker heard about how hard it is to create a portal, he decided to stay in the monster realm. It seemed a lot easier to just learn to live in the monster realm then to find all this rare stuff to make a portal that might not even work. He ended up having a fling with an orc, which produced Junior. He ended up with Junior, since the kid didn't really fit in with the tough lifestyle that particular orc clan had. But that's okay because Tucker loves his son. The RnBs help out with Junior, so he's got a bunch of uncles.

Caboose is a centaur. He was found wandering alone when he was young, and Sarge adopted him took him in. He's the happiest guy in the entire realm and everyone knows it. He's friendly to everybody and often has to be stopped from breaking people's ribs with his literally bone-crushing hugs. Caboose loves giving his friends rides and running fast with them--he often scares them when he starts running fast. Soon after he was taken in by Sarge, he found a baby dragon alone in the woods. He took it in, named it Freckles after the brown flecks on its snout, and raised it as his pet. Freckles grew to the size of a large retriever (still significantly smaller, even miniscule, compared to other dragons in the realm) and is quite friendly, as long as no one is threatening Caboose. If that's the case, he's quite ready to spring on the attack. He can and is capable of tearing off limbs.

Kai is a werewolf like her older brother Dex, but when their mom was pregnant with Kai, she was bitten by a vampire, altering Kai's appearance and abilities. She's smaller than most werewolves (in both regular and shifted form), but has heightened senses and resistance to most vampire and werewolf deterrents. Her regular form makes her appear more like a furry vampire, and her shifted form is mostly hairless, but with huge ears, fangs, and claws. Her "strange" appearance is what eventually got her and Grif left behind by their pack during a migration. (Another reason why Grif doesn't want to go searching for a new "pack"--he doesn't want to encounter his old one. He also would never leave Kai). Despite the whole getting abandoned by the pack thing as a child, Kai is quite cheerful, energetic, and happy to explore the world. After getting found by Sarge, she was able to know what it's like to be in a family that won't degrade her for how she looks (hybrids aren't usually frowned upon, btw. It's just that pack was a bunch of old-fashioned dicks). She's a lot happier in the RnBs household now.

Now, back to the story. Mich and Grif are waiting for Tau to return from the human realm. Tau eventually reaches them, and instead of being ready to come home like he usually is, Tau leads them further into the woods. Puzzled, Mich follows, while Grif groans and complains, just wanting to get back home to eat the Oreos Tau had brought him (the monster realm has Oreos, but Grif doesn't think they taste all that good). Tau leads them to an unconscious Simmons, much to the two's surprise. They're standing there, wondering what to do with him (Church and Tucker hadn't been passed out when they had been found so this is new), and Simmons comes to. He sees Grif and Mich and screams. Mich is like "hey hey calm down!! We're not gonna hurt you!!" and while talking, she brandishes her large fangs and waves her hands sporting huge ass claws around. Simmons faints again gkhfkjd.

Grif's like "wow this guy's a fucking wuss" and Mich is like "we should get Doc to help him". Grif shrugs, and when he makes no sign of moving, Mich huffs in annoyance and races back to the house. While she's gone, Simmons comes to again and freaks out again, though on a slightly lesser level. Grif is quite annoyed and is like "dude calm down, I'm not going to eat you". Simmons tries to calm down and Grif just stands there, impatiently waiting for Mich to return with Doc.

Simmons calms himself down enough to stop dramatically freaking out. He asks "where am I, who are you, and what the fuck was up with the… other…. thing?" (rude, Simmons) Grif rolls his eyes and responds with "you're in the monster realm, human. I'm Grif, and she's my fr--housemate--Mich. Mich is a bit overbearing. you get used to it".

Mich returns with Doc, and Simmons' anxiety spikes a bit but doesn't start freaking out again. Doc helps him with his bloody nose, which Simmons did not notice until it was pointed out, and Simmons asks a bunch of questions about this "monster realm". he finds out about the difficulty to make a portal and is quite bummed. Especially when they tell him that Sarge is the only one around who would be willing to make a portal. He decides that he'll have to do some research to make sure the portal is done right--he doesn't want to turn into a human reflection like Church. Speaking of Church--he and Simmons are cousins and are quite surprised by the reunion. "so THAT'S what happened to you" "I don't want to talk about it".

This is mainly what I have for the plot so far. I've got a couple certain things that will come into the story eventually--such as parts of the journey to finding the components for the portal-- that'll I'll be listing here, along with different species I want to incorporate into this AU.

During the trek to finding the portal ingredients, Sarge tells the group (consisting of himself, Simmons, Tucker, and Grif) that they will have to get past a "moving mountain". Simmons asks what this means, and Sarge tells him about certain mountains that are there some of the time and gone other times. Simmons figures this means the mountain goes invisible, or it's some magic thing. When they get there, the mountain is gone. Sarge urges them to hurry before the mountain came back. Simmons is surprised that they aren't climbing up an invisible mountain, but definitely doesn't mind crossing the huge, open valley. As they're getting towards the end of the valley, the "mountain" returns, except it's not a mountain--it's a dragon, the size of a mountain. Simmons had come to believe that, since he'd only seen Freckles and Tau so far, that all dragons were on the smaller side here, and is terrified to see such a huge dragon. Tucker tells him that it won't hurt them, because it probably doesn't even notice them--it's sight and hearing are too weak to pick up on them. Sarge adds that they need to hurry, though, before the dragon flattens them when it comes to settle back down, and they barely make it across the rest of the valley before the dragon completely lays down.

As stated before, Sarge has been lying about where Mich had come from and what she is. What actually happened was that while out in a forest one day, and found a section of it that was on fire. He heard the wailing of a child. Sarge found baby Mich close to the fire, crying. He quickly rescued her and got her away from the flames. In the distance, he saw winged figures flapping away, and realized that they must have left her there, for some strange reason. He never told Mich the truth because he didn't want her to know she was abandoned, left for dead, in a field of flame. While Sarge, Grif, Simmons, and Tucker are on the hunt for the portal ingredients, Mich somehow finds out about the truth of what happened with her as an infant. She waits until they come back home to confront Sarge about it, and there's a long, drawn-out argument about it. They eventually break it up (read: Caboose drags Mich away from the situation) and fall in an prickly uneasiness around each other. Mich tries to find out who abandoned her in the fire and definitely doesn't find what she was expecting.

The Freelancers are going to have a role in here somehow. York (Mich's biological older brother) is definitely showing up, and he might've been in the plot of abandoning Mich (not willingly). Wash and Carolina are definitely making appearances too. I want to also have CT, the twins, Maine, Tex, and probably others here, as well. I just need to find ways of incorporating them (suggestions on this are welcome!)

The twins are going to be vampires (because they're so pale haha).

And now for the list of species I want to incorporate. If anyone has suggestions for additional species or possible ways of them being involved in the AU, please let me know!

chimera (chimera milk is a delicacy) (its eggs are a tradeable good on the black market)

elves (wood elves, dark elves, light elves)

orcs

dragons (different species) (scales are often harvested for potions, fashion, etc) (dragon farms are common) (there are dragon reserves as well as dragon poachers)

dryads

fairies/pixies (dark and light)

merpeople (partially and fully aquatic varities)

phoenixes (their tears, containing powerful healing powers, are highly valuable)

fauns/satyrs

griffins

harpies

brownies

kitsunes

hydra

sirens (a subspecies of merperson who has powers to draw one in via singing. can be partially or fully aquatic)

poltergeists

ghosts/spirits

witches/wizards/sorcerers

selkies

sphinx

unicorns/pegasi (the plural for pegasus in this AU)

manticore (venom within stinger is highly valuable)

salamanders (on fire ones)

centaurs

minotaurs

basilisks

werecats

#rvb #red vs blue #rvb au #rvb monster realm!au #aloe's aus #this took HOURS to write #omg i'm tired

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sebstanseabass · 3 years

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Afterglow (A Bucky Barnes AU fan fiction) - Chapter 3

Afterglow chapters

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

A/N: Thank you all so much for the support you've been giving to this fanfic!

CHAPTER THREE

It was a day of sunlight and cold smoke in New York. The clouds split above towering buildings, the sun shining in its full glory. You left the apartment earlier, scared to wake Bucky up, only for him to wake up to his stepbrother's roommate creeping up on him in the morning. You pushed Bucky's face at the back of your mind. Perhaps he just looked like someone you've seen before or you've bumped into. Who knows? New York is a pretty big city.

With your airpods plugged in, and your phone in your hand, you started running on the streets, greeting some people with a smile on the way, ignoring the pain on your head. There was Millie from the flower shop, Bob from the woodshop, Rex from the coffee shop, and Colin the friendly street beggar. After five blocks, you didn't know anyone anymore. Just some strangers on the street you see from time to time but never interact with.

Already nearing highway streets, you slowed down your pace, careful not to crash into some bikers or worse, these honking cars rushing to get to their 8-5 jobs. There was a pang of relief that rushed over me as you stood on the other end of the street, waiting for the walk sign to turn green. It was one of the things you loved working in a bar and handling your own photography gig. You weren't answering to no one and rushing to work like these angry hooligans. You both worked in the evening and on your own time. Steve wasn't a bossy boss who yells at his staff. He was just like one of you guys, but unlike you, he had a sense of leadership.

And you get to run every morning -- even though there was still a throbbing pain on your forehead. Peter will never be able to persuade you to go work in their company or in any company for that matter. But you must commend him for his unwavering determination.

You stopped at a convenience store after rounding a few more blocks and bought a bottle of water which you've finished right in front of the cashier who found her phone more interesting -- or perhaps she was just used to some girl finishing a bottle of water in mere seconds.

"Hey, where's the trash?" You asked. The trash can beside the counter wasn't there. She just shrugged and popped her bubblegum.

You walked away from the store, knowing all too well that she wouldn't say or do anything past chewing and popping her gum.

Right across from where you were standing was a tall, elegant white hotel adorned with golden flecks of some kind of shiny paint, which you remembered was Bucky's. It stood twenty something stories tall and wedged between a coffee shop and a pizzeria. On Sundays, whenever you and Peter would walk past it, he'd never forget to remind you that it was Bucky's "empire." It was no Chuck Bass empire but you must admit, that was one fine hotel.

You crossed the street and stood in front of it, a way of slowing down your heart rate just a few beats low. You were just about to cool down, anyway.

You admired the engrossed name of the hotel on the archway that led to the lobby: WHITE WOLF with a wolf headstone right between it, like the one in The Arcadian. A memory of Peter telling you how Bucky renamed it came across your mind. Before it was White Wolf, it was the Golden something. Apparently, Bucky was in a safari somewhere north or south? Maybe west. You honestly can't keep up with some of the stories. Somewhere in the face of the earth -- he was on a safari and came across a gorgeous white wolf with fur as white as snow, eyes as blue as the seas and skies. Bucky swore the wolf looked right into his soul. That was implausible but it did give him a good name for his hotel. He repainted the whole beige building white, standing out from the other buildings around.

A woman with no shoes made you tear your eyes away from the beautiful wolf headstone, screaming Bucky's name. You stepped aside and leaned in on one of the archway posts. There was a muffled noise coming from her. You removed your airpods to listen.

"...the hell is Bucky? You! Have you seen that son of a bitch?" She approached the valet boy. He shook his head no. Then she went to the uniformed man on his post or was it a podium?

"I haven't seen Mr. Barnes, madam."

You could tell by the sly look on the man's face that he saw his boss probably running down the street and taking a cab, but before even stepping foot on the streets, Bucky probably told not to tell.

The woman's lips were smeared with red lipstick, hair disheveled and was wearing a man's clothing, probably Bucky's.

Was this the thing that happened at his penthouse?

"Okay, I'm just gonna wait for him in his penthouse. If you ever see your boss, tell him I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes, madam."

She went back in, hips swaying along with her blonde hair, not giving a damn at the strangers staring at her as she walked towards the elevators.

The uniformed man caught your eye and you gave him a small wave and a smile. "Crazy morning, huh? Okay, bye."

You chuckled nervously and walked away as fast as you could back to the apartment.

When you got back, Bucky was already up, eating something out of a bowl while watching something on the television. You ignored the memory of you staring at him as he slept safe and sound earlier.

Without looking up, he spoke: "Weren't you supposed to rest?"

You grinned as you walked towards the kitchen, and prepared a protein shake. Suddenly forgetting the wound on your forehead. It didn't hurt as much now.

"I don't listen to Parker." You answered. "I never do."

You set your airpods on the kitchen island then grabbed a shaker, poured in some water and dunked a scoop of protein powder inside. You shook the whole damn thing while approaching Bucky.

You stood beside the couch and faced television. It turned out he was watching some old cartoon.

The image of his hotel flashed before your eyes. "I ran past your hotel today. There was a woman looking for you."

He almost choked on his cereal. You could feel his head look towards in your direction but you ignored him, enjoying the chase between Tom and Jerry on the tv screen. "Can't believe this is still on tv." You commented.

"D-did she say something?"

"Kept shouting your name and stuff. Called you son of a bitch and all that." You stopped shaking the shaker then took a big gulp. "I hear she's planning to burn down the White Wolf into the ground." You stifled a smile, letting the liquid stay in your mouth for a little while. "Then find you and take all your money away."

He groaned, picking up on your tone. "Not funny."

"All of that was true except the last part, though." You finally let out a laugh then looked at him who now had his eyes back on the screen. "So, you leave your girlfriend alone up there? Then come here?" You would've said it was pretty low of him but this was Bucky. You knew he'd done worse.

"She's not my girlfriend."

"She's a girlfriend?"

"She's nothing but a one night stand. Don't have a girlfriend." He sighed, putting down the bowl. It turned out it was cereal he was eating. Cartoons and cereal. Wow. He really did act like an eight-year old. "Then after we... well, you know, she suddenly told me she loved me. I was drunk! Then I felt this rush, like a panic, then when she was fast asleep, I didn't know what else to do so I came here."

You knitted your brows and kept your gaze on him. Last night, he told you guys it was a long story. A thing came up. "That wasn't a long story."

"I was hammered and real sleepy. For me it was a long story." He replied.

You just laughed in response, then walked towards your bedroom. Before you could even finish your drink, Bucky shouted for your name. You yelled for him back.

"Will you come with me to the hotel?" Bucky's voice was loud but small. Like a child asking to go to the playground. It felt more like it with the muffled cartoon noises in the background.

You stepped out of your room, finishing the rest of your drink. A big gulp. Then you pouted at him. "Want me to drive away the scary woman?"

Instead of responding with a simple yes or a slight nod, Bucky shot you a wide smile with his shoulders up, making an accidental flex with his lean tricep muscles on both of his arms, and squeezing his chest muscles while he was at it. He held it for too long that veins were starting to show.

You diverted your attention from his muscles to his face. He tried to look cute as a button but in your view, he looked strained. Yet his smile never wavered. You finally agreed to go with him as long as he took a shower first, telling him he reeked of alcohol.

"Are you always this mean?" Bucky said, but his voice was light and not at all heavy or dark.

"Pretty much." You snickered before going back inside your room.

You were sitting on your yoga mat -- just finished some few stretches -- and watching some tv show on the HBO channel when Bucky came out of the bathroom. A towel hung low on his waist -- you didn't even bother to look at his toned details so as to not freak him out with all the staring since you've been doing that a lot since he'd arrived. You focused your attention back on the screen.

"Were you just working out?" He asked, ruffling his hair.

"Just some yoga." You shrugged.

You let him borrow an oversized shirt of yours. The entire time, he was behind your in your room. Bucky attempted to make some small conversation while you were rummaging through your stuff. "Cool space you got here. You photograph?"

"Yeah." You replied. "It's probably not convenient having a studio space inside my room but Parker and I couldn't afford a three-space bedroom, so yeah."

"It's still pretty cool." His response remained.

Your room was bigger than Peter's since you had to have your studio corner. He wasn't a space hogger or anything so he let you get the bigger room. You had little decorations in your room except for a few photos of college friends, old roommates, and you and Peter, a clock on the wall, some band posters from the 70's like Led Zeppelin and Aerosmith, and the lights you needed for your studio corner. On that side, on the other hand, had more things to offer. Products from previous projects and all the stuff you needed for taking photos like lights, backdrops, tables, a bunch of chairs, and whatnots. Then the walls were just plain white. Yet Bucky still managed to explore around until you found him an oversized shirt.

You threw the shirt towards him. He managed to catch it on the air without looking at it. A quick reflex.

"Do you have some of your photos here?"

"They're in the bar downstairs." You replied. He looked at me with both eyebrows raised, asking a question with his face. "I work there as a bartender and my boss lets me put up my photos on the wall."

"Well, I'd love to see them."

"Actually, there's a shipment coming this afternoon. There will be no people. You can come with me then." You paused. "Unless you have other plans?" There was a part of you that wanted Bucky to have no plans this afternoon. You had a feeling he didn't. You wanted to trust your instincts.

"I have nothing going on." Oh good. "I can show you how I make a mean drink while we're there." Bucky smirked then put on the shirt which had a Rolling Stones logo on the front. He looked down on it and shot me a smile. The shirt still fit him, hugging all his muscles but it was better than Peter's clothes who wear the tightest fits on earth.

"What do you think?" He asked, showing you his fit while still having the towel draped around his waist.

"You look like a rockstar." You blatantly replied. "And hey, I can also make a mean drink. Really mean."

"Please I make the best ones, doll."

"I'll be the judge of that."

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes smut #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes story #chapter 3 yay #bucky fanfic #fan fic #fan fiction #bucky barnes fan fiction

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dolls-and-cats · 2 years

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Which of my historical dolls would have had access to ice skating as a recreation?

This question came up for me having recently read Corinne and Gwenn's books and also seeing lots of dolls in ice skate posts lately. I saw tonight that @holdmypoodle has been doing a similar post about snowshoes!

Pls note - someone could get a PhD on this question and I did not do any deep research on this. Just looked on the web.

Wikipedia said that ice skating goes way back ...2000 BCE in Finland...and that modern-ish ice skates with steel blades popped up in the Netherlanda in the 13th or 14th century.

Kaya, 1765, Idaho - I don't find anything about Native Americans ice skating at this time, but that may be aa limitation of my shallow dip for information. They would not have had steel. The Britannica article I link to below has information on people using animal rib bones to make ice skates way back in history, but I didn't find anything specific about 18th century Native Americans.

Claire and Jamie Fraser, 1776, Edinburgh, Scotland - Surprisingly to me, Scotland had the first ice skating club early enough that the Frasers could technically have skated there. They would have had steel available. I feel like Claire and Jamie were busy with Jamie's printing press and other avenues of earning money, so ice skating may have been low on the list.

Addy, 1867, Philadelphia, PA - I'm guessing yes. She lives somewhere far enough north that there would have been natural ice ponds. I know some of the characters went ice skating in the similar-time-period novel Little Women. I imagine that there would have been costs to ice skate on someone else's land and to use ice skates, which Addy's family couldn't have afforded right after slavery, but might have been able to later when her dad got skilled carpentry jobs.

Ilse Müller (my OC), 1875, Austin, TX - She lives somewhere warm enough that she could only have ice skated using an artificial rink. There was a stinky version involving lard and salt (gross!) invented by the 1840s in London. There was another kind using chemicals in the 1870s in London, but not in other places like Austin. No ice skating for Ilse.

Rebecca, 1915, NYC - definitely yes. Samantha, in NYC 10 years earlier, is the only AG doll who comes to my mind had ice skates as part of her stories or collection. Rebecca could have also had access to natural frozen ponds and ice skates.

Julia Olivares and Effie O'Sullivan (my OCs), 1919, San Antonio, TX - not just yet, but later in adulthood. There was an ice skating rink in San Antonio that opened in 1925 for things like hockey but was renamed Iceland in 1929. The article is vague about when exactly but by the 1940s it was a popular place to go

Bessie Coleman, 1928 - I strongly doubt she would have been able to ice skate anywhere near her family farm in North Carolina, where her story originates. Even if there were some rinks, they would have excluded African-Americans under Jim Crow. In NYC in the late 1920s, though, I think Bessie would have had access to ice skating, in the same way that Samantha and Rebecca would(?)

Melody, 1965 - Yes. Artificial rinks were around and accessible by this point. Melody discusses with her cousin Val that the library was race segregated in Southern states. Wikipedia states that Jim Crow laws were made illegal when the Civil Rights Act passed in 1964, but de facto segregation was not ended yet. In Michigan, though, I think that Melody and her family members would have been able to ice skate without segregation.

source: wikipedia "ice skating" and "ice skating rinks."

for more reading, this is succinct:

Also, all my dolls want to know why I didn't buy their winter coats, given that we all went through snowpocalypse about a year ago.

#ice skating #dollblr #american girl dolls

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freddiekluger · 3 years

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i love the "mike seeing the ghosts" idea SO much in general, so i've interspersed the main cap headcanon with some ones for the other ghosts- i love mike sm so thanks for requesting!!!

it started as a tickle in his throat, but come evening mike comes down with a serious chest infection. alison drives him to the doctor's in time to grab some antibiotics, but they've got a function at button house this week so for the most part alison has to keep her distance- can't afford for both of them to get sick, especially considering how many repairs, decorations, and vendor meetings still need to be sorted. mike pops a couple tablets before passing out.

the next morning, alison has to go out to run some errands, so mike finds himself stumbling to the kitchen for breakfast the next day. julian's already there, doing his trademark lunges while listening to the horse racing (it's become his ritual whenever the races are on- he's insufferable otherwise, so alison lets him keep the radio). they share a nod, and it's not until after mike sits down with his cereal that he realises he's just nodded at a dead politician with his balls out. between that and the phlegm in his chest, it was a rough start to the day to say the least.

after he gets over the whole "ohmygodicanseedeadpeopleholyshit" (and at least one reenactment of the hospital scene from the sixth sense), along with greeting the various ghosts he encounters on his way back to bed, via the loo (both him and mary got quite a shock when she "peeked on him at privy"), mike collapses onto the bed.

a pillow over his head, mike lets out a few substantial groans before hearing a cough that, surprisingly, doesn't come from him. he slides his head out from under the pillow and sits up to see a greying, slightly awkward figure in period military dress standing in the doorway. he assumes this must be the captain.

captain:

mike: hi?

captain: oh, hello. i was just on my way back from my morning run* and mary mentioned that you can, well, see us now.

mike: yep. [coughs] that's pretty much the deal. not sure why though

captain: oh that'll be the antibiotics you've got there. strong stuff, eh? anyways, i thought i'd stop by and say hello. hello

mike: hi. i would say nice to meet you, but [a coughing fit ensues]

captain: ahem, quite

[silence]

mike, holding up a video game casing: well, i was just gonna play this, if you don't mind?

*this is technically true. the captain is indeed, on the way back from his morning run, except his morning run finished half an hour ago, and he's been waiting for the right time to introduce himself to mike. unlike thomas, he doesn't expect anything to lead anywhere, but that doesn't stop him from wanting to be alone with the rather handsome buffoon.

mike's holding one of those war themed combat games, the kind with a vague plot but mostly battles and button mashing. the captain's temporarily distracted from staring at mikes arms, and starts quizzing him about the game itself. by the time the loading screen is done, mike's already gotten the impression that the captain doesn't want to leave for a few different reasons, and it's not like you have a WW2 army captain of hand to help you work out strategy every day, so they pretty quickly end up teaming up- long gone are mike's days of button mashing (or, mostly long gone. "sometimes it works!"). the only condition was that the captain had to stop calling mike 'michael'- mike said it reminded him of his grandad too much.

- the game has moments where your character can romance any of the other characters, regardless of gender- mike's a dirty player, the captain gets rather awkward when mike decided the best way to achieve his immediate goal is to seduce all relevant characters into giving up troop information, and mike would be lying if he didn't find it at least a little bit entertaining to watch

- in between levels, and when waiting for lives to replenish, mike asks cap about his time in the war, and the captain loves having someone to listen to all his stories (even if most of them are second hand). he keeps having to remind himself not to stare, because mike can actually notice his eyes wandering, but of course that just makes him even more aware of it and the cycle of awkward noises and obviously-not-looking continues. alison has let slip to mike that the captain is likely a bit of a bender, and is relatively flattered by the possibility of cap liking HIM (not to mention not wanting to accidentally send him into a toxic 40s shame spiral), so mike just keeps the friendly conversation going to keep cap feeling comfortable. the captain's crush migrates to the left, and by day four or five him and mike really are friends more than anything else- if there's one thing the captain couldn't stand, it would be turning into one thomas thorne, although he still gets a few butterflies when mike compliments his strategy after a tough level. (it's not every day you have the attention of a handsome man who thinks you're a genius- especially when you're dead)

- it warms alison's heart to see the captain having the closest thing to fun he's had since they arrived, and the whole ghost set up works well for her and mike- mike needs the company, and alison can't afford to get sick or fall behind on jobs

- kitty loves mike (not romantically, she just thinks he's neat!), and eventually joins him and cap for their video games. cap was dismissive of her at first (one part possessiveness over mike's time, one part disbelief that kitty could be a good player), but kitty ends up rivalling him when it comes to strategy. after one too many nights locked outside and having to break back in to her own home, she's become an expert at espionage (even if she won't admit her experience was anything other than a fun childhood game.) with cap and kitty helping him out, mike makes more progress in a single day than he had in a week of gameplay. not to mention, kitty could really use the confidence boost from mike's compliments which he gives to both of his gaming partners frequently, although he draws the line at kitty's georgian cough remedies

extras:

- fanny ignores him as overcompensation for Redding Weddy. well, i say ignore, but she's somehow always the first one to volunteer when alison asks one of the ghosts to check on him

- mike considers going down to the cellar to get a look at the plague ghosts. mike heads to the door. mike remembers the sheer amount of skeletons when they dug up the plague pit. mike pulls his blanket tighter around his shoulders and heads away from the door.

- obviously, thomas avoids mike wherever possible. mike barely even knows what thomas's voice sounds like by the time things go back to normal

- mike feels bad for humphrey, and keeps trying to pick his head up and place it amongst the action before remembering he can't actually touch him. he also feels bad for screaming everytime he sees humphrey's body stumbling around. it was in the bathroom one night, and let's just say it was lucky there was a toilet nearby.

- pat invites himself to watch mike, kitty, and the captain as they tackle the final levels together, on the proviso that he doesn't make a sound. pat's rubbish at tactical planning, even if he can plan a mean scouts activity, but he's just happy to watch. it's nice to see the cap really having some fun, and see kitty included. it'll be sad for everyone once mike finishes his course of antibiotics

- thing eventually do go back to normal, and the captain misses mike's company far more than he thought he would. mike's still around, but not being able to properly talk to him is tough, and the captain realised that he was maybe more fond of mike than he convinced himself (mike will still make a thomas thorne out of him yet). mike strangely misses the funny soldier, and the georgian 'battlemistress' (kitty chose the title herself), and alison finds herself constantly passing messages between them. they're currently testing out all the ghost-communication equipment under the sun (within a reasonable price range) to see if they can find a better solution

thanks sm for this one, and so sorry for the delay! i've been battling with hardcore brain fog, so it's been difficult to create totally new stuff with words- hope this was up to scratch

#bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts headcanon #mike ghosts #the captain #the captain ghosts #bbc ghosts ask #ben willbond #lolly adefope #kiell smith bynoe #six idiots

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chris-evans-indian-fanfic · 4 years

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Longing

Chapter 1

Description: Chris Evans becomes obsessed with you when he realises he can't have you. Eager to be with you in some form or the other, he starts writing fanfiction, where both of you are passionately in love with each other. But what happens when his imagination starts to merge with his reality in his subconsciousness?

Warnings: This entire mini-series will contain smut, bad language and angst. ONLY PROCEED IF YOU ARE 18+

This first chapter is inspired by the GIF below from @navybrat817 and @stargazingfangirl18 's ShamelessHoesForChris writing challenge. Click here to know more

A/N: I do not know Chris Evans personally. This fic is a work of imagination and should only be used as such. It doesn't comment on Chris or anybody else personally. It is also not meant to destroy his reputation or paint him in a bad light. I admire the guy and he really seems like a genuinely nice person. Again, I repeat, THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION SO TREAT IT AS SUCH!

A/N 2: I did search quite a lot on the internet and didn't come across a fic like this. Which makes me nervous and also kind of excited that I get to do something unique? Please please give me your criticism and feedback on this! Would love to hear your thoughts.

A/N 3: I have used a few big words throughout the series because this fic is from Chris' POV and we all know that he's a bit of a wordsmith 😅 I had never even heard these words before in my life. So please let me know if I have used them in an incorrect manner.

My Main Masterlist

I don’t consent to have any of my work published or featured on any third party app, website or translated. If you are seeing this fanfiction anywhere but Tumblr and AO3, it has been reposted without my permission. In that case, please do share the link and let me know.

…

The best thing about shooting Defending Jacob? Chris got to stay in his house in Boston. The worst part about working on the set? He was currently stuck in a room engulfed in hot, angry flames of fire. The fire had abruptly started due to a short circuit and spread across the set in the blink of an eye. Coughing, Chris doubled down on the floor, his breathing becoming more laboured with each second.

The smoke stung his eyes as he looked around for a fire extinguisher. He tried calling for help, but only small grunts managed to escape his lips. Just as he was on the verge of losing consciousness, he heard a voice. Your voice.

"Is anyone here?" you called out, your voice faint in his ears. "Hello?"

Chris tried to shout again, but only sank further towards the floor.

Luckily, you opened the door of his room and found his almost crumpled body on the ground. Using the fire extinguisher, you managed to douse as many flames as you could, while also covering Chris with a thick blanket. As the room was still filled with smoke, you pressed a wet towel on his face, asking him to breathe through his nose.

Slowly, you managed to drag him out of the room and into the corridor, the fire reduced to embers in most places thanks to your fire extinguisher. Chris being a heavy man, you tried your best to support his weight as much as you could, your body almost stooping to form a right angle.

Just as you thought you might be in the clear, you heard a crack from above. Looking up, you realised that the ceiling was about to cave in and so, on impulse, you pushed Chris out of the way, as portions of the false ceiling fell on you, knocking you unconscious.

Chris, in his state, vaguely realised what happened, before he lost his balance and fell to the ground a few feet away from you, his left arm stretched towards your limp body, as if reaching out.

Sirens of the firetruck and the ambulance filled the heavy air. A deep groan escaped his lips as he attempted to crawl towards you, a failed effort. Where did it all go so wrong? he thought. I was supposed to be the one to save you angel! You should be falling in love with me!! And break-up with your good for nothing fiancé!

Overwhelmed with emotions, Chris started drifting off to sleep, your name leaving his lips in the form of a desperate whisper.

🔥

8 MONTHS AGO

Chris met you for the first time at the table read for Defending Jacob. You didn't strike him as anyone special. Being the Junior Assistant Scriptwriter for the series, you were just in the room as a formality. It was your job to jot down the minutes of the meeting, and have the parts of the script marked which were supposed to be changed slightly.

You managed to stay invisible for more such meetings. An introvert by nature, you kept to yourself even when the shooting started.

It was in the Week 4 of the shooting when Chris actually started to notice you. He realised you were always absent from his house parties, never stayed around on the set for after-work shenanigans and, you never hung out with any of your crew-mates for a drink.

What really drove his attention towards you were your random acts of kindness. He once saw you feeding a homeless man in the alley behind the set. Unknown to you, it was where Chris often hid from his cast and crew to smoke.

Then there was the bit with setting up of a mobile blood donation camp on the set, which was completely your idea. He had also seen you distribute fliers for animal adoption centres and NGOs who fought for climate preservation.

You always made sure everyone on the set ate before you did, and the ones who couldn't due to work, you were sure to help them and share their load so they could have lunch.

But one particular incident made him see that you were no ordinary woman.

It was a particularly tough day on the set. They were shooting the 35-second sex scene between him and Michelle. While these scenes looked easy on the screen, they always made Chris feel uneasy about himself. "What if my body is not upto the mark?" , "I don't want to hurt Michelle in any way" , "God I hope I don't touch her inappropriately by mistake" and more such troubling thoughts clawed at his mind. After the scene finally ended, he felt the lustful eyes of the crew feasting on him, admiring his body on display.

He hurried towards his van, avoiding to look at anyone, until his eyes met yours for a total of 5 seconds. He expected to see the same smirk to be reflected in your eyes as everyone else's. Instead, he saw a completely different emotion. He saw sadness, sympathy, and most importantly, recognition of his discomfort etched on your face.

After that, Chris started to keep a close eye on you. You always wore comfortable clothes, with loads of pockets. Yet somehow, they always fit you well. He also noticed that you always got your own lunch, refusing to eat the food available on the set.

A few days after filming the sex scene, he decided to try to speak with you. Palms sweaty, he headed towards you and gently said your name.

"Hi," he said, and stopped.

"Hello Mr Evans," you greeted him back, a little surprised that he knew your name.

He continued to look at you, bright cerulean eyes bearing into yours, apparently lost. You blinked twice, unfazed, and a little uncomfortable, "Can I help you sir?"

Chris shook his head slightly. He was so used to women fawning all over him, that your utter lack of excitement on seeing him deterred him a bit.

He cleared his throat, a little flustered, *Ahem yeah… I wanted to ask… something… karaoke!" he managed to mumble, "It's karaoke night at my house. Tomorrow. Will you come? At night?"

"Umm… No Mr Evans. I am sorry I will not be able to make it," you politely declined while taking a small step back.

"Oh. Uhh… well we can have it any other night if you want," he cleared his throat again, sweat starting to gather on his forehead as he noticed your movement, "You never visit any of my house-parties."

You smiled a bit, "I like to go home early. I want to spend as much time as I can with my fiancé and my cat."

Chris raised his eyebrows at that revelation, "Fiancé? I… I don't see a ring."

"That's because there isn't one," your smile widened as you pulled the chain around your neck and revealed a locket. It was an intricately carved sunflower locket, with small, delicate curls nestled inside the petals.

Chris glanced at it with disdain. It looked hand-made, cheap, "Is that… is it made from clay?"

"Yes Mr Evans," you beamed at the locket, admiring it with love and pride, "My fiancé is a potter and he made this himself. It took him over 6 hours just to carve all the petals. But he still made it because he knows how much I love sunflowers."

"So he's too poor to give you an appropriate ring?" Chris snapped at you.

Offended, you looked at him in shock and anger as he continued. "You deserve someone who can afford to give you an expensive engagement ring. Not some cheap craft project."

You grit your teeth at his comment, "Unlike some people, I don't look at the price of the gifts, I look at their value. While this," you held the locket in front of his eyes, "is worthless for you, it is priceless for me."

You placed the locket back inside your shirt and walked away. Chris stood rooted at the spot, biting his cheek hollow. He hadn't meant to drive you away. He had just wanted you to see him as a prospective partner.

As he turned towards his trailer, an idea popped into his head.

🔥

Next Friday saw you and your fiancé walk into the bowling alley. The production house had organised a "Bring Your Partner to Work Day" and you both were excited to step out of your routine lives.

A few people on the set recognised your fiancé Aiden from his YouTube channel. Kenneth, an Assistant Set Designer, drooled over him, "Maaahhnnn! I love your pottery videos! They are so calming dude. How do you make them so relaxing?"

The ever shy and soft-spoken Aiden gushed at the compliment, turning a shade of red which you always found adorable. Aiden was almost the same height as you, with a lean figure and a kind, freckled face. Your friends always told you that Aiden's looks were nothing to brag about, but you disagreed. Because for you, this man was the most handsomest, cutest and sexiest person in the world.

And you knew he felt the same way about you. That's why, even after being together for almost 5 years now, you two still looked at each other with heart eyes.

As the party progressed, you made sure to avoid Chris, and so far, you were successful. That was until he softly said your name.

With dread in your stomach, you and Aiden turned around to face the man. Aiden knew of your previous encounter with Chris, and tried to square his shoulders as much as possible, but Chris' towering physique and personality literally made it impossible for Aiden to appear tough.

You gave Chris a curt nod and received a sweet smile in response.

"I believe I owe you an apology," he confessed, "I am sorry. My behavior that day was inexcusable." He paused for reaction, but looking at your hesitant faces, he continued, "It was quite a hectic day on the set and I guess I took it all out on you," he looked towards you, "You know I am capricious by nature. It takes me some time to become gregarious. But," he raised his hands in the air, "I repeat, the way I acted was inexcusable. I am sorry."

He extended his arm towards Aiden, "You are a porter I believe."

"Potter, sir," Aiden corrected while shaking his hand and introducing himself.

You bit your tongue, knowing that Chris was mocking you with his false apology.

He invited Megan to join the conversation, "Megan loves handmade ceramics. Maybe she would be interested in your work."

Introductions were made again, and as the conversation pursued, it arrived at the topic of your marriage.

"Have you guys decided on a date yet?" asked Megan as Chris looked at you.

"We are planning to get married as soon as the shooting ends for DJ," you smiled.

"Oh really? Wow that's… unusual," Megan tried her best to hide her surprise.

"We don't know exactly when will the shooting end," Chris said with a frown on his face.

"That's not an issue Mr Evans. We are actually planning to get married at the courthouse," revealed Aiden.

"You know if money is an issue then we would be more than happy to help you guys out," Chris offered in a sincere tone.

"Oh no no Mr Evans. Money isn't an issue," you clarified, "We have decided to donate the money we had intended to spend on the wedding."

"But thank you so much for the generous offer, we really appreciate it," Aiden added with a sincere smile.

"You know a lot of couples are doing that nowadays. It's a trend I believe," Megan commented, "Where are you going to make the donation?"

"The local orphanage where I grew up. We both love kids and, it just seemed to be the perfect choice," Aiden beamed at you.

You mirrored his expression while Chris scowled. "I think everybody should get the wedding of their dreams, and you" he stated, pointing towards you, "deserve much more than a courthouse wedding. Don't you want to get married in a beautiful church? Walk down the aisle in a gorgeous white gown? And get married to a man who can actually fulfill your wishes and desires?"

Squaring your shoulders, you looked at Chris dead in the eye, "I am marrying the man of my dreams Mr Evans. The wedding ceremony doesn't matter to me. What does matter is the beautiful life we will begin together. Now if you will excuse us," you linked your arm with Aiden's, "we need to leave."

Chris watched you leave as Megan tried to distract him with something else. Tonight did not go the way he had anticipated.

He left the party shortly after you, directly heading for his home. Standing under the cold shower, he tried to reason with himself. He was acting out of character. There was no reason for his behavior. You had made it ample clear that you loved your fiancé and that nobody in the world could sway you.

Then why was he so hell-bent on claiming you as his?

Because she's perfect for you, a voice answered him.

Yeah, but she belongs to someone else, he argued.

So what?, the voice urged, Fight for her. You saw her wimp of a fiancé. You can break him into two pieces without breaking a sweat. She is made for you. Just you, and nobody else.

"I… Just… No," Chris stammered loudly as he shook his head, trying to get rid of the voice in his mind.

He tried to meditate, but it didn't work. Dodger too, was unable to distract him. Even his books on self-help and mental health were of no use.

As a last resort, he opened his laptop, but his fingers halted at the search bar, the cursor blinking back at him.

He was too tempted to search for you again. The last time he had Googled you, he had been satisfied with the results. You often volunteered with a few NGOs, coordinated multiple donation drives, visited orphanages and taught underprivileged children. His heart had melted at a particular photograph- you were holding an 8-month-old girl in your arms, while looking over a painting drawn by a 4-year-old boy as the child looked up at you with a toothy smile.

It reminded him of everything he wanted to have, but still couldn't.

He closed his eyes and started kneading his forehead with his palms. Everybody he knew always only had the best things about him. Right from Scarlett to Mark to Olivia to every fucking person he had ever worked with, everybody said he deserved to have a loving wife, a stable family.

And yet, here he was, on a Friday night, home alone with a beer bottle, on the verge of anxiety.

Was it just anxiety though?

Who the fuck is Aiden and why does he deserve to be with her? the voice in his head was back.

They love each other, they want to get married, Chris reasoned.

He doesn't hold a candle next to you, the voice persisted, People love money more than they love others. She will come to you. But you need to let her know you are available. You need to take her to-

"No," Chris interrupted the voice loudly, "No. This is unhealthy. No."

Reaching for his phone, he searched for his therapist's number, when the voice chuckled, You really think a shrink is going to help you with this? Eh? They are only going to ask you to fuck another pussy, or read more books. And I will be damned before you touch another book about trees.

Chris shook his head again, but in vain. Unable to find the number in his contacts, he turned to Google for the second time that night and started searching for therapists in his area. The voice tut-ted, Yeah, as if the psycho doctor is going to shut their trap about Chris Evans crying over a girl.

Chris almost crushed his bottle in frustration. He couldn't let the voice take over. Not now. Not after working his ass off to get where wanted in his career. Taking a deep breath, he looked at the screen again and came across the headline- "Why Do People Write Fanfiction?" The word fanfiction seemed vaguely familiar to him. He was going to ignore the article and scroll downwards, but the brief underneath the headline made him stop- …mostly, people write fanfiction to stay in touch with the characters they love," says leading Psychologist Andrea Williams.

Intrigued, he opened the article and started reading. Then he opened another, and another and by the time he was done, he had read 6-7 articles on the concept of fanfiction and what it entailed.

Sighing, he opened a new word document. He was reluctant to type a letter, let alone a whole fictional story. He had tried everything and yet, you chose to occupy a rent-free space in his mind.

Now all he needed was a reference.

He minimised the document, and opened a new tab on his browser. His hesitant fingers typed the words - Chris Evans Fanfiction - into the search bar, and he instantly winced.

Millions of search results were displayed before him, and as he read the descriptions of each one of them, he realised that 99% of these stories were porn. There was no sugar-coating it. On the 5th page of the search results, he luckily found a story sans the erotica. It was a cute one-shot about him going on a first date with the reader. He read it with squinted eyes, afraid that a sex scene might jump out of the blue, but luckily, nothing of the sort happened.

Chris liked reading it. It was an innocent story filled with romance.

But the only problem? It was written from the reader's point of view. He checked a few others, and realised they were all written from the women's perspective, not his.

He sat back in his chair, turning his head such that he was looking at the ceiling, contemplating his options.

You want her, the voice whispered.

Reluctantly, he typed the first word that came to his mind. Your name.

Chris rested his chin on his palm, wondering where to start. If this were fiction, would tonight have gone different? Would you have visited his house for karaoke that night?

Tapping his fingers on the desk, he bit his tongue in thought. Thinking it was better to start at the beginning, he started typing from his POV-

The first time I saw her I thought she was pretty. I saw her during meetings and the shooting. Then one day I saw her giving food to a homeless man-

Deleting his words, Chris shook his head. This was insane! Right? You were a real human being and it was unethical of him to write this! He needed to learn to handle his feelings.

If you don't have the balls to fight for her, then be with her in the stories you write. Grow a spine Evans, whispered the insulting voice.

Hesitating, he tried to write another paragraph, which ended up getting deleted.

Try again, the voice coaxed him. Pour your heart into this. Write better.

Taking a sip of the beer, Chris started typing again-

It was lunchtime when I saw her arranging some equipment on the table. Her back was facing me as I carefully approached her, afraid to startle her. I breathed in her scent, light, floral and fresh, before whispering her name.

She turned around, a bit surprised to see me, but she smiled nevertheless. Oh gosh her smile. I had seen her smile a few times on the set, but in person, it took my breath away.

"Hi," I managed to greet her shyly. She matched my response.

"I was wondering if you would like to sing karaoke with me? There's a karaoke party tonight at my house if you would like to come," I asked her hopefully.

Her expression turned remorseful as she apologised, "I cannot come Mr Evans. My fiancé won't let me."

Imagine my surprise when I found out about her fiancé. "I didn't know about your fiancé. Why won't he let you come?" I asked her, concerned as she started sniffing a bit.

"He's… he's very strict Mr Evans. He doesn't like it when I go out with my fri-friends or co-workers," she shared between her light sobs.

My heart broke into pieces on hearing her confession. I had often noticed her taciturn behaviour on the set, but I had no idea about the reason behind it.

I raised my hands to cup her face. I was itching to wipe her tears with my lips, but instead, I used my thumbs.

"I want to help you. Please let me," I requested.

"Nobody can help me Mr Evans. I am stuck with a monster." She pulled a chain from underneath her shirt and I got a glimpse at the marks on her neck. "Aiden gave me this chain and locket instead of an engagement ring. He said it will be better than a ring. And now he-" she started sobbing harder. I pulled her into my chest, running my right hand through her hair as my left hand soothed her back.

"And now he uses it as a leash," my angel whispered, horrified, "he says I do not deserve a ring."

I hugged her tighter and thankfully, she buried her face in my chest, "You are no longer stuck with him. Are you listening to me?" I bent my face to bring my lips near her ears, "I will make sure that you are free of him."

She shook her head, reluctantly pulling away from me, "No Mr Evans. I cannot-"

"Yes you can," I interrupted her. "You are going to come to my house for karaoke tonight. Message Aiden right now, and tell him that I will be dropping you home. Okay?"

After some coaxing, she agreed. I held her close as she typed out the message, her hands shaking around her mobile phone. Finally she clicked on the SEND button.

I brushed a kiss on her forehead, "Wait for me in the back alley after the shoot, okay? I will pick you up from there."

She nodded gratefully in response.

I couldn't wait for the shoot to be over that day. In my eagerness, I even messed up a few takes, mumbling over my lines like an idiot. But eventually, I got through the day.

I was excited when I picked her up after the shoot. I could see she was nervous and maybe a little bit scared, but she still entered my car anyway. So I made small talk with her and tried to put her mind at ease.

Finally, when we reached my house, she was in awe.

"This is the most beautiful house I have ever seen Mr Evans," she gasped as I led her inside, "I don't think I have ever seen anything like it before!"

I chuckled, "I am happy you like it. It… it just feels empty sometimes, you know? I find loneliness ubiquitous in this house."

You looked at her puzzled expression and smiled. "Ubi-what was that word Mr Evans?"

"Ubiquitous," I replied, "it means something that is present and is found everywhere."

"Ahh okay," she nodded, "thank you for teaching me."

"I will accept your gratitude only on one condition."

She tilted her head ever so slightly, "And what would that be Mr Evans?"

I smiled as I slightly bent down and held her hand, "You need to start calling me Christopher."

Visibly flustered, my angel looked down at her feet. "I-I can't Mr Evans," she said in a low voice.

"Why can't you?"

"I respect you too much sir," she confessed.

"Hey," I gently nudged her forehead with mine, "I want you to say my name. Please?"

I stared into her eyes as she met mine. God.

There was something about her eyes that was absolutely riveting. The depth of her eyes pulled me in towards her as I read the plethora of emotions hidden within them. Her gaze searched my face for malice, deceit, but only found love and trust in return.

I slowly cupped her face as her breath hitched in her chest. I could feel my own heart race. Bringing my face as close as I could to hers, I whispered, the distance between our lips fast closing, "Please."

She parted her lips ever so slightly. I felt her warm breath on mine as she obliged, "Christopher."

I closed my eyes as I heard the most melodious symphony, my name draped in her sweet voice.

I dipped my head to kiss her, feel the shape of her lips, but she stepped back.

"I-I am st-still engaged Chris-Christopher," she stammered.

I straightened myself, my hands no longer cupping her face, "I understand. I am sorry. Would you like-"

Before I could finish, a car honked outside. While I was curious at the intrusion, her eyes widened with fear.

"That's him," she gasped, "Aiden is here. He found me."

"How is that possible?"

"He has a location app installed on my phone through which he tracks my location," she revealed, visibly shaking at the thought of greeting her fiancé.

"Stay here. You will be safe inside. Let me handle him," I said, squeezing her shoulders.

I walked out of the house and towards the car. The vehicle didn't look in good shape, it's owner even more so.

Aiden manually rolled down his window and spat on the ground. Fumes of cheep alcohol and stale cigarette smoke escaped through the window. "Where is she?" he hollered.

"That's not your concern anymore. She's breaking up with you," I crossed my arms and stood facing him. "If you know what's good for you, you will leave her alone and stay out of her life."

Aiden exited the car at that threat, the door of the vehicle rattled as he opened it. "She said that?" he scoffed, "Color me surprised, I thought the little mouse had no fight left in her. Bring her out here. I want to hear," he wriggled a finger at me, "whatever the fuck you are saying from her own fucking mouth."

"Not going to happen Aiden. You followed her here against her own wishes. Now scoot off before I call the cops," I warned.

"You think I will be scared of some Hollywood prick who shits diamonds?" he sneered.

"No. But you should be scared of the law. You are currently harassing the owner of this private property, not to mention you have clearly abused your girlfriend mentally, emotionally and physically. So be sensible," I took a step towards him, "and fuck off."

"STOP," she shouted as she trusted towards us. She stood in front of me, as if to guard me from her monster of a fiancé, "Please don't hurt him. I will come with you. Just let him be," she pleaded with him as he smirked.

Before he could react, I pulled her behind me, making sure my body was shielding her from Aiden.

"She's a gold-digging bitch. You stay away from her," he pointed at me as he tried to reach her.

I pushed him away once and kept my hand on his weak, thin torso. Turning my head, I asked her for the last time, "Are you sure you want to go with him? I can save you. I will protect you, provide for you and keep you happy!" I urged her.

She looked at me with hope and helplessness. Slowly, she glanced at Aiden who looked like he was ready to commit murder. Sobbing uncontrollably, she removed the chain with the sunflower locket and threw it at his feet.

"Leave me alone," she managed to mumble at him.

Furious, Aiden growled and tried to pounce at her. Fortunately, I intervened on time and punched his sorry excuse of a face into the ground.

She gasped as Aiden fell with a thud. Embarrassed, he slowly got up and dusted himself, muttering under his breath as he sat inside his wreck of a car.

"Don't bother coming back to gather your stuff! I am burning it all tonight you cock-sucking bitch!" and with that outburst, Aiden was finally gone.

She was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably at what had just transpired. I wrapped her in my arms to let her know she was safe. Within moments, I felt her ease into my body.

I closed my eyes and smiled, my nose buried into her hair. My angel was safe. My angel was mine.

Chris blinked his eyes as he re-read his story. He already felt a whole lot lighter, his anxiety at ease, and mind exhausted. Clicking on SAVE, he finished the last of his beer and went to sleep, hoping that this was the end to his problems. Little did he know about the horrors that awaited him, behind the door he had just opened by writing that fictional story.

__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__

Permanent tag: @donutloverxo

Chris Evans and his characters taglist: @onetwo3000

This story: @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @carpediemm-18

(If you guys don't want to be tagged in this, just let me know. No hard feelings 😊)

Taglists are open! Just comment, send an ask or a message!

#ShamelessHoesForChris #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fanfiction #chrisevans #chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x you #dark!chris evans #chris evans rpf

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jennsmischievousmind · 4 years

Text

Fucks not Found

One, but not done [END]

Seven sighed as One disappeared when it was time to pack everything "Is he always like that or is he just being purposefully annoying?”

“How the fuck would I know?!” Three slammed a crate on the ground, holding his back like an old man.

“Who?” you were all packing the mission’s gear in the Haunted House.

“One,”

“Purposefully, no doubt!” you chuckled.

Later you knocked on his trailer door,

"Old man, we have to talk,"

"Let me guess, you want a bigger trailer so you and skater boy could go at it, not gonna happen,"

"Hum .. not exactly, look I know it's the first rule you told us about, and we broke it, actually 4 of us broke it. We're human One,"

He sighed "I just.. need you to be focus on the job."

"We are fo-.."

"Getting shot prove that you were focus," he threw his phone on the desk

"Alright you got a point,"

"These numbers are for your own safety," he stated angrily "but I guess now it's all fucked up."

"Not necessarily, I mean, now we all know each other better, we have better bonds,"

"Tell me about it," you smirked at his saying "... actually don't," he furrowed his eyebrows as you chuckled.

"Think about it," you pointed out as you were stepping out "this team, could do so much more,"

He nodded and something snapped.

"Hold on," he rummaged through a drawer to finally hand you a silver key, his eyes changed for a second “Might be cliché but he would have been proud.”

Smiling slightly at One, you left to open your brother's safe.

There were photographs, a few envelopes with the same cachet and a P/O box address on it.

One of the photographs, in black and white yellowed by the time showed your Mamma and Papa at your age in front of the Coliseum, looking happy as ever, the warmth of their smiled enveloping you instantly. Another one with your Mamma in swims wear gracefully sat on the sand, holding both of you. You were so tiny, wearing terrible hats and frowning at the sun. You found yourself laughing, a tear landing on the envelope’s corner behind the pictures.

Setting aside those pictures, you flicked the envelope open. Eyes scanning the document multiple times you were not sure what you were reading. Palm against your agape mouth, you read the main text.

“Dear Anonymous donator,

We would like to thank you for all these years of generosity. Your help has given access healthcare to people in dread need of it. With the help of caring people such as yourself, we have been able to afford the construction of a new volunteer centre, which will provide a facility to help maximize the amount of lives we can save.

Your last donation in date had us all profoundly touch and grateful.

We will never not be thankful enough. We wish we had a name to put on the facility’s wall. But we respect your privacy and so we’ll stop asking from now on.

All proceeds of your donations advance our lifesaving mission.

Thank you, dear anonymous donator.“

The tears blurred your vision until you couldn't see through it. He had found his anchor.

You cried, not of sadness but of proudness. For you he was still the kid throwing stones on the neighbor’s roof, the one who couldn’t sleep on stormy nights, the teen who cried when his crush rejected him. He was your anchor for years.

One paid you much more than you needed to live. You assumed now your brother had donated the payment. And all these years when he worked multiple jobs... it all became clear.

"You were the better twin, baby brother!" You mumbled to yourself.

Weeks later the Donations continued yet the anonymous donator had a found an alias.

Six

Passing by the pool you stopped once more before leaving the scorching desert until One would need you.

Weeks ago you brother was laughing at you on the other side of this very pool, these memories were gold now, they didn’t make you sad anymore, you grinned remembering him holding his chest while laughing on the ground, little fucker.

“Hey luv,”

“Hey,” he sat next to you on the edge of the empty pool

"So we're out?" His hand snaked around your waist bringing you closer.

"Not for now," you smiled thinking about this time spend with this weird squad, eager for a new operation.

“So where shall we go until next,”

“You're ready to stick with me? Are you mad?" He laughed as you touched his forehead for any kind of fever.

"Banged my head a few times yeah, but I'm pretty sure I'm mad...about you."

"God you spent to much time around One." He gently reached for your jaw turning your head to him, the blush creeping on your cheeks not helping to hide that you actually liked that he was ready to come with you anywhere, he leaned in for a quick kiss.

The warm air and sounds of busy streets of Italy passing through the ajar window woke you up. Looking at your watch on the bedside table you immediatly turn your back to it, snuggling back into Four's chest. Too early. The night was short.

"What do you say about Transylvania?" he mindlessly ran pattern on your back with his warm fingers.

"For what? Vampire retreat?"

"Hiking, but I can bite" feeling his teeth of soft spot on your neck you squirmed.

"Aouch, alright, we'll go to Transylvania tomorrow. I got to see my brother first."

He nodded, his smile sliding off.

"What?"

"I'm...I'm not really comfortable with...mourning," he played with your fingers on his chest avoiding your look "I ..uh.."

"Calm down babe," you straddled him, the sheet sliding down your bare body "I'm not asking you to come with me." You chuckled at his concerned face, and his lost of attention at the sight of your naked body.

He sighed, "You know he was like a brother to me..." you tilted your head watching him

"That would be weird.." you removed your hands from his

"shit no not a brother," he caught your hands putting them right back on his chest" a .. a best friend,"

"Stop talking," you leaned in, enclosing his lips with yours. His hands immediatly reached your tighs, you felt a shiver ran his chest as your finger brushed his skin from his throat to his navel. A firm squeezed on your thighs made you giggled, he was so easy to trigger.

He sat up, one of his arm tightly set around your low back while the other snake to your back, his hand holding the back your neck. A lovely mess of tangled limbs in silk sheet was all you were. You pushed him back on the bed, holding his hands up his head.

You nibbled on his earlobe, and chuckled when he groaned at the ministrations trying to fight your hold on him. He could easily removed himself from your grip, guess he wouldn't this time.

Finding your way down his neck, chest, navel ... taking your sweet time until you reach the point of no return. He gasped, his head lolling back on the pillow "God I love Italy,"

“Ciao brother” cross seating at the grave of his fake death, there were flowers already with a cup of mochaccino beside it, you laughed, only One person could have done that. Glancing at your own grave, you shivered at your name engraved in the marble stone.

You recall the all mission as if your twin was there listening to you, “This one is for you, and the next, and the next.” You breathe in feeling tears coming up, “I kept your cross," you scoffed, "you can thank Four for that. As long as I have it, I’ll have you, mammà and papa with me promise.” kissing the cross you left a single tear rolled down your face.

One knew how to be a ghost, perfectly, no one could trace him, anyone but you. .... The gps tracker in his watch helped. If he knew, he’d probably wouldn’t be happy, but hey he is your cash source can’t lose an eye on him.

“So, that’s your secret!” looking at the little boy in the playground whom looked like the man beside you.

“Shit! He jumped

“Hey,” you grinned leaning on the grid, sliding your shades down.

“Aren’t you supposed to be OUT of Italy?” he groaned

“It’s my homeland One, what’d you expect?” you pointed at your wig and shades “Disguise,”

“It’s always better than Three’s in Vegas,” He joked “You’re kicked out, it’s immediate,” He stated, not even believing it himself.

“Yeaaaah, I don’t think so,” you nudged his shoulder. A ghost of a grin appeared knowingly.

"Do you follow everyone, or are you my private stalker?"

"You really wanna know!?" You shifted on your two feet, he got the idea that everyone had a stalker in the name of Eight.

"Cleavers," you used his own line

"Shut up," he answered tired of your shit, resulting in you laughing a bit too loud.

Regaining a sense of calm you felt he was still uneasy about you seeing his son. “Your secret is safe with me old man,” He nodded a tight smile on his lips, and somehow he knew he could trust you.

“Haunted house, in a week.”

“Noted.” Saluting with two-fingers you took a few steps back still eyeing him with fondness, proudness, maybe not just a cash source in the end. He flicked you off, a bright smile spread on your face.

“Where’s Four by the way?” he called out

“Somewhere on the roofs, he can’t help it.”

He lifted his head, you took this time to disappear around the corner.

Calling Four you stumble upon his voicemail “Skater boy, you better bring down your cute ass. We’re heading back to the Haunted House in a week. Mission 2 is coming. Love ya!”

A week later

"Please don't,"

"One, I only hugged her for a second," you rolled your eyes. Five was still holding your shoulders.

"Tell me you're not going to freak out everytime two of us are close,"

Two had a grin on, Five was being clingy on purpose. It had been a month since you've seen everyone, except Four and One. You had missed everyone, Five especially, after the parkour lessons, the incident on the yacht you had become close friends.

"Hey squad," Four let his skate rolled until it hit a wall. He reached you kissing your cheek, then sending you a wink as he took a seat next to Three. You eyed One, holding a laugh, Five carefully removed her hands from around your arm. Four looked dumbfounded as One sighed, staring at you. He then flung his arms in the air.

"Fucking Millennials!"

Thanks to everyone who read, liked, commented on Fucks not Found. It was fun to write, let me know what could be improved, I'm still working on my english that's why everything is not perfect and quite limited. Looking forward a new story. Thanks again.

A/N: don't forget to double tap if you liked it. 🙏

#6 underground four x reader #jennfic #6 underground imagine #ben hardy #billy x reader #four imagine #four x reader #6 underground #ben hardy x reader

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toilet-bound-messenger · 4 years

Text

TBHK theory: is Tsukasa really the "abuser"? + the meaning of the ropes

So I know that it is a common belief in the fandom that Hanako was abused by someone close to him since he did say that "he forgives it". And since he forgives it, it's obvious that it must be someone important to him, right? And that someone is most likely Tsukasa... or is it?

The reason why we think that is because of Hanako's reactions to when he runs into Tsukasa. So I guess a lot of us just assumed that he reacted that way because he's scared of Tsukasa. But I think that rather being scared of Tsukasa, he's scared of himself. Remember when he jumped on Yashiro after Tsukasa first showed up? I can't find the post anymore but I do remember someone saying that reenacting a past traumatic experience is a common way to "deal" with it. Thus he jumped on Yashiro to emulate that because seeing Tsukasa made him remember when he killed him. Which is why he's always so uncomfortable around Tsukasa: because it makes him think of a traumatic event. Not necessarily because Tsukasa was the "abuser".

We also have this image:

Which makes us think that Tsukasa might be the abuser because Hanako is bound by ropes while a shadow that looks like Hanako is saying something in his ear. A common idea here, is that the shadow is Tsukasa, however I'm not sure about that. If it really is Tsukasa, then why does he not have the patch on his right cheek? It might just be me, but besides the clothes, I think that the obvious way to tell Hanako and Tsukasa apart is the patches they have on their cheeks. Hanako's is on his left cheek and Tsukasa's is on the right. But as we can see the shadow doesn't have Tsukasa's patch. If the shadow does have a patch then it's on the side that we can't see: the left side, the same as Hanako's.

Thus, I think that this shadow might, or might not be a metaphoric representation of Hanako himself, fucking himself over and tying himself town out of guilt because he killed his brother. Hanako is blaming himself. After all, we can also see the knife being bound as a way to remind himself of what he did.

Oh, and let's talk about the ropes.

Another belief is that maybe Hanako was abused with ropes, that Tsukasa may have been into... bondage?? And he did that to his twin brother?? This doesn't sound right, doesn't it?

Tsuchigomori says: "you're always covered in cuts and bruises" but there's no mention of ropes. I mean, I'm only assuming here, but if the abuser really did use ropes then wouldn't they be easy to see? Tsuchigomori also says that it happens every single day so all the bruises he has on his body must always be fresh/recent, right? I would guess that rope bruises are really easy to identify whether you're a nurse or a normal person.

But then... What the hell do the ropes mean?! Well I have an easy answer to give: those ropes are a recurring theme in TBHK.

Almost all of the covers of the volumes have ropes on them and even side art from Aida.

Look at this:

So there could be 2 different explanations for this:

1) Aida likes drawing ropes

2) Ropes are a metaphor for something

I think it's obviously answer n°2.

Maybe what I'm going to say sounds super obvious, but I feel like ropes are a way to show us that all of those characters are "bound" together. Their stories and lives are all tied together since they're all important characters in the story and they're the ones to move the plot forward.

We can see it especially here:

The rope is tied to Hanako's pinky finger, and most times, in Japanese culture they call that the "red string of fate". Basically, you're tied to someone else. Which is most times your soulmate. That whole rope thing means that all of those characters' fates are tied to eachother.

But now the last point: if I don't think that the abuser is Tsukasa and that the rope doesn't mean that Hanako was abused with ropes then what the hell does this all mean? Who's the abuser?

Well to be honest... I don't know.

I think the obvious answer here would be their parents. I mean, we know nothing about them. Where are they?? Could Hanako and Tsukasa be orphans?

Maybe they were abused in the orphanage, after all, it's common knowledge that Japanese orphanages are shit. (Or at least they were shittier back then, maybe now it's better but I'm not a specialist in the subject.)

Also, isn't it weird how we always saw past Hanako but never past Tsukasa? Why? Why haven't we seen him yet? Maybe because Tsukasa was abused even more than Hanako.

Let me explain: we got this whole explanation

This is in chapter 46 when Amane was talking about Scorpius and Antares, and how they're actually twin stars but that one of the 2 is brighter than the other so you can only see one of them. (Sorry for the quality of the image, I can't find better.)

This is obviously a metaphor for Amane and Tsukasa. So what does it all mean?

Well, long story short: I think that Tsukasa wasn't allowed to go to school while Amane was.

If my orphanage theory is correct, then I would guess that the orphanage had funding issues (I mean, it's a problem even to this day and not only in Japan. Orphanages being short on money because the governement doesn't care enough to help abandoned kids is ocurrent.)

So I don't find that hard to believe that the orphanage might've been like "Fuck it! Let' send the older twin brother to school and the younger one can stay here. We can't afford to send all of our children to school after all." I mean it's weird, right? That in the flashback Tsuchigomori didn't even mention Tsukasa. If Tsukasa was really going to school and was the abuser then wouldn't Tsuchigomori be like "oh, it's weird how your twin brother doesn't have any bruises while you do. Is he the one to do this?"

But no. There is absolutely no mention of Tsukasa whatsoever. Which is really, really weird. I had twins in my classroom throughout elementary school and middle school and they were always put in the same classroom. So if Tsukasa really did go to school I would guess that they would not only be in the same classroom, but also Tsuchigomori would bring him up.

Thus while Amane was in school, Tsukasa was the one being abused, and that's why he's so fucked in the head. Because Tsukasa was actually the one getting most of the beatings, the cuts and the bruises.

Of course, school in Japan lasts longer than in the west with the clubs and all. But I would guess that Amane didn't join a club because he wanted to get back as quickly as possible to help his brother. That's why Amane didn't have any friends. Because he would always rush to the orphanage after school.

I think, Amane being the caring big brother he is, he would take the abuse instead of Tsukasa when he was "home" to protect him as much as he could, but since he was at school most of the time, Tsukasa was the one taking most of the beatings.

And since Amane was going to school, I would guess that they went "easier" on him so the teachers wouldn't call the cops on them. That's also why Amane decided "not to go anywhere anymore."

Because whenever he's away from his brother, Tsukasa gets hurt. Amane decided to throw his dream away to protect Tsukasa from the abusers.

And so, that is also why I think that Tsukasa has a mental illness. That's why he's so much more emotionally unstable than Amane. Hanako has obviously problems too, but Tsukasa is the one who got the short end of the stick.

I would guess, Tsukasa may be a sociopath at this point. A current belief, is that sociopaths like to hurt animals/kill them to feel something. When someone is abused, what the brain does is to "repress" emotions to feel less pain. That's how different mental illnesses get born.

For example, "dissociating" to feel like you're not you, to believe that it's someone else who's suffering right now your brain tries to make you believe that you're "out" of your body.

Dissociative personality disorder makes you develop multiple personalities inside yourself so you can switch between them and feel like you're safe while another personality is taking the abuse for you.

And then, of course, sociopathy, your brain "turns off" your emotions for you to stay "sane" but funnily enough, in the long run it makes you insane since you can't feel emotions in normal situations anymore.

A lot of mental illnesses come from traumatic experiences, they're defensive mechanisms after all. Mental illnesses are your brain trying to protect you from excessive pain...

This got dark real quick, sorry.

Anyway, this whole theory started with a thought I had: "Why would a sibling, not to mention a TWIN, abuse his brother?"

The conclusion I came to is: they wouldn't.

I'm not saying that it's definitely impossible at a 100% but I always found that weird how everyone thinks that a twin sibling would abuse his other sibling. Especially since twins are so close.

And to end it all...

I think that what went down with the Yugi siblings is that, one day they decided to end it all. They couldn't take the suffering anymore so they decided to kill themselves.

But right at the end, Tsukasa's emotions finally kicked in and he got scared at the last moment. And so, he begged Amane to finish the job. Amane then got traumatized from killing his brother and he ran to the girls' bathroom and hung himself out of guilt. Or maybe he also stabbed himself like Tsukasa? Who knows.

#jibaku shounen hanako kun #toilet bound hanako kun #tbhk #jshk #theory #yugi tsukasa #yugi amane #hanako

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lk-ramblings · 3 years

Text

Coming Home

Dicle and Barış

Menajerimi Ara

(This scene picks up from Dicle going to meet Barış in Episode 30.)

* * *

And I'd give up forever to touch you

Cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now

-Iris

Goo Goo Dolls

* * *

He watched his younger self on the tiny television, eyes full of hope- a far cry from his current state- and looked around. Everything about the house seemed like a museum; from the TV, to the peeling paint, to the sheet covered sofas like relics. Preserved to keep his worst memories intact.

He wondered why they even kept this house in this condition when none of them were living here.

But then he remembered he didn't know how long he could afford his current house, when the path ahead seemed so bleak. So many houses, no home. Younger Barış chose that moment to remind him of all his shattered dreams, " ......lastly, I congratulate myself. I'm sure there are good days ahead of me!'

The piercing ring of the doorbell interrupted the video; someone had clearly glued their finger to the ringer.

His temper, which always seemed to be bubbling under the surface these days, spiked and he welcomed the anger.

'Can't even be miserable in peace, NE VAR YA?' he shouted, going downstairs.

He opened the door, fully intending to give the idiot a piece of his mind- and couldn't believe his eyes.

He was hallucinating again. He had to be. She couldn't be here. Dicle-

'Sen bana bu nasıl yaparsın.....'

The sting of the slap barely registered. But she wasn't done yet. He'd never seen her in a temper like this.

'How could you just disappear like this? I've been losing my mind with worry! I thought something happened to you. How many days have I been looking for you? How many days have I been dying with worry?!'

His heart strummed an aching beat; he was elated, shocked, humbled, ashamed.

'Do you even have ANY idea what kind of state I was in? Bir şey soylesene! Ya cevap versene Barış!' She kept questioning him and he felt guiltier with every passing second. Just bore the onslaught of her fury.

'Do you even know what I'm dealing with? What I'm going through? And yet I'm not leaving everything and running away. I'm not leaving my loved ones alone.'

He didn't know what to say, couldn't grasp at words much less sentences.

"Is this how we're going to continue? Weren't we going to fight together? Weren't you going to be next to me?" Her voice turned beseeching, revealing the extent of her hurt, and he couldn't bear it any longer.

So he kissed her.

Gently, so gently, with a tenderness he could not find the words for, for the all the apologies he wanted to say. Her breath caught in surprise and she opened her mouth hesitantly.

His pulled softly at her lips- so sweet- taking one last taste. Even this had been enough to quieten the chaos in his head.

Dicle watched a tear fall unbidden down his cheek, as he waited for her reaction. She could still feel the ghost of his kiss, containing a wealth of things unsaid. You’re important to me. I missed you. I'm sorry.

So she decided to answer back. She kissed him again, not gentle like him, but devouring him, the pent up longing finally finding a release. I missed you too. I'm here now. Let me in, let us be together.

Barış felt the sharpness of her teeth on his lips and he knew he was not alone. He groaned into her mouth. His body ignited. This. This was finally something he knew how to do right. How to love the planes of her perfectly, countless nights spent imagining it.

He opened her jacket, his hands roaming all over, he couldn't get enough of touching her, never. Tried to get off his clothes without breaking away from her lips, his lifeline. He'd backed her against the wall.

Dicle arched into him, eliciting a hiss. Standing was no longer enough.

Never breaking the kiss, he picked her up and laid her smoothly on the bed. She remembered the night where they had fooled around, but this was so much more. Frantic with need, they both made quick work of her shirt.

He opened the clasp of her bra and kissed her; the cold of the house, and the warmth from his body heightening the sensations. She didn't want to let go of him. His hair was disheveled, his beard longer than she'd ever seen. He was so beautiful, it made her ache. Just before he pulled away, she licked at the sheen of sweat beginning to shine in the hollow of his collarbone.

He watched her, his eyes hazy, roving over every curve. She looked magnificent. All lithe limbs and creamy skin dusted with constellations of freckles; each of which he wanted to count with a kiss. And her hair.

Falling over him, unbound, when she moved forward. Reaching for him as if in a trance, he saw her eyes reflecting his own desire.

Suddenly embarrassed, she put her hands over her face and whispered, "What if I do it wrong?"

He removed her hands and gently touched his forehead to hers. "There is no wrong here. This is just you and me."

'Sadece Barıs ve Dicle."

That was all the encouragement she needed to claim his mouth again. He tasted of a slight tang and something she just knew as 'Barış'. His mouth was wet, soft, delicious. The moment he stopped, even to take a breath, or lavish attention anywhere else, she tugged him back.

He caressed her lightly, gently, where he knew she was ticklish. Devouring the softness and warmth of her body against his.

She felt untethered, the feeling both consuming and bewildering. They moved together, grinding, the friction promising a lovely high.

'Barış....' Even the dance of their tongues wasn't enough to sate her desire, instead stoking it higher. She grabbed at his shoulders, trying to get closer, trying to deepen the kiss even more, touching him everywhere. 'Barış...I need close...I want to be in you.'

He made a rough sound of amusment and spoke against her lips. ' I think you're stealing my lines, sweetheart.'

Dicle laughed on a sigh and then moaned as he kissed her thigh softly, first one then the other. The graze of his days old stubble was driving her insane. She made up her mind to ask him to keep it like this always, as he kept moving higher and higher making her writhe with need.

She had no idea exactly where he was; she could feel him everywhere. His breath in her hair, whispering endearments, his warmth surrounding her, one hand at her head, the other engulfing her waist.

'Dicle. Dicle. You're so soft. It's fucking ridiculous.'

'Everywhere I touch, you just fit me. So well. so fucking well. I've imagined it so many times, sevigilim.....'

Finally, finally he slid in. Skin to skin. The heat of it was exquisite. He bit her throat softly, trailing kisses down her neck. He tangled his fingers with hers and wondered how they they arrived at this moment, desire burning away the blazing anger from earlier.

But then she moved her hips in a needy motion, and he had no capacity for thought anymore. The pressure of her moving against him spurred him into a heavier, faster rhythm.

This. There was this.

Love and desire swirled together in a heady mixture as they fell together, her hair surrounding them, their bodies moving in sync, chasing the release.

* * *

'I didn't plan on that.'

'Hmm-mm. Me either.'

They lay cuddling together and Dicle finally voiced the question that had been at the back of her mind.

'So you've been going everywhere with protection at all times, in case the opportunity presents itself?' she teased him.

'Ah-what can I say- old habits die hard. I've always kept a spare wallet in my car.'

'What?' she sat up suddenly.

'What? What is it?' he followed her up aswell, trying to keep up with the sudden change in her tone.

'So you always keep one- or rather several- in your wallet incase you get together with some- I thought-'

'You thought?' he urged her on softly.

'I thought you were always ready because- I mean ever since we- I was talking about us earlier when I asked.' she muttered, her voice getting increasingly smaller.

Finally understanding dawned, and Barış tried to find the right words. To reassure her. To voice the depth of feeling that only she inspired. He could not fathom how she could think that this was just another one night stand for him.

'Dicle...Bak, I....'

He tried again.

''Abi and I learned to keep our cash and essentials on us if we ever needed to run from our father's rage. And then.....after his death, and getting a few small acting jobs, it was a lifestyle I fell into. Theatre parties. Chasing pleasure mindlessly if I could. Only a few times though.....' he hastened to add.

Dicle could see the faintest blush in the light filtering in from the hallway.

'I wasn't famous then, so, there weren't- but.....' he muttered and then sighed. "It just became routine for me to be careful."

She smiled at him after a beat, "And I'm glad for your care otherwise where would be right now?"

He relaxed at her words and caught a lock of her hair, running it through his fingers. Marvelling at the ease between them. Even in the dim light, she glowed.

"But you should know,' he spoke haltingly, hoping the words would come to him as he looked into her clear gaze, 'that my feelings for you.....my passion now....is like comparing an ocean to a drop. A sun to a lamp."

His words sank into her, igniting some primal part of her. She threw herself at him in a hug that took him by surprise. Barış caught her instinctively, a mass of tangled hair and long limbs.

Possession torched her throat, and she kissed him fiercely, instinctively, whispering in between kisses.

'Sadece bana bak.' The faintest touch of her lips on his eyelids. 'Bana gül.' Returning to his lips again. 'Bana dokun.' She kissed each of his cheeks in turn, the tiny dimples under the matted beard.

'Benim ol.'

He had been smiling into her kiss, but she felt him tense under her hands immediately, his shoulders stiff with tension. She drew back to look in his eyes, asking softly, "N'oldu?"

'Hiç,' he avoided her eyes, approximating a smile and tried to capture her lips again.

She gave him a kiss but asked again, caressing his face,' Barış, what is it?'

'Is it what I said? I know it wasn't original... but you...I see you in every thing I read and love so I just.....' she knew she was babbling at this point.

He laughed lightly. 'No, I love everything you say,' he followed the slope of her cheek to her lips.

'It just reminded me....I remember them- a version of them- from my childhood. In a far different tone and with a different intention.'

She just massaged his neck lightly, waiting if he wanted to share.

He took a deep breath and recited in a flat voice, " I often heard my father saying them to my mother. Whenever he would come back drunk, hearing whatever mahalle gossip there was, twisting it in his mind."

'This was my room.' He looked around, with a cursory glance, trying not to let the walls resurrect the past around him. He was grateful for the dark so he could pretend he was just sitting in a room somewhere with Dicle, just telling her these things, not living them.

' Abi and I moved here so- well I already told you. Closer to the door than the upstairs one. I would hear him shouting these things, doubting her, before going to sleep it off.'

Neither of them spoke. He could feel her hand in his hair, lightly stroking.

'Anne used to join us here aswell sometimes," he shrugged.

He looked so vulnerable in that instant as he looked at her and recounted his past with troubled eyes. She would have given anything to go back and soothe that smaller, younger Barış; protect him.

But there was only the present. And this Barıs, who remained soft despite life being hard to him. And she only had her words and her heart to give him.

Dicle took his hand. 'I'm so sorry,' she began softly.

'Memories are like that.” She pressed a kiss to his palm. “An endless reminder of the past. Forming and festering on their own. Sneaking up on you, when you’re least prepared for it.”

'But we can make new ones; better happier ones right now. Deliberately. In this same place.'

'So in the future, when you turn back, you go looking for them as a treasure rather than an insidious whisper you fear. Tamam mı?"

She hugged him, trying to absorb his worries. Hearing the beat of his heart next to her ear, knowing that he was warm and whole and next to her was enough.

'Dicle.....'

'Mhmm?'

'Just.....thankyou. Thankyou." He hugged her back, sighing, content to stay in her arms forever.

'Burada, what were you saying earlier? More poetry from Sabiha?"

She smiled, seeing his melancholy melt away slowly. 'Oh, no no, that was Madonna in a Fur Coat....."

'Hmm, looks like I have to read it aswell now after Shakespeare,' he said, closing the distance between them. His lips hovered over hers, and they smiled.

She knew they were both remembering the night she went over, hinting about Sinan and Serap. When they were testing and teasing each other.

But now, when she drew closer, it wasn't a game. He kissed her.

This time it wasn't hot and hungry. It was slow and sexy and sensual. He pulled her closer and closer by her waist until she was lying on top of him. Loving the warmth of her body against his, as their mouths fell together easily again.

* * *

After what felt like hours, she drew back. He lounged lazily next to her.

'What is it?" he asked, trailing a finger lighty down her shoulder, connecting the freckles. He gave her the mischevious look she loved so much, 'Are you tired?'

'No it's just....I'm thirsty,' she said, feeling unaccountably shy all of a sudden.

Barış laughed and sat up. 'Ah pardon. Where are my manners, not treating my guest properly."

'Oh, I wouldn't say that,' she had missed this, just talking to him, so much. ''I feel quite well treated, Barış Bey."

"Oh, öyle mı?"

"Evet. Although my nose hurts.'

He grinned at her, "I'll get some water from the kitchen.....there's nothing much else," he added embarrased.

'There's nothing else I need, sevgilim."

Giving him a quick kiss of reassurance, Dicle put on his shirt from the floor and made her way to the kitchen, wishing she could live in this moment forever.

There was nowhere else she would rather be.

* * *

#dicle x baris #menajerimi ara #my writing #episode 30

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skzluvs · 4 years

Text

Strawberry Cheesecake 🍰; Han Jisung

Genre: Fluff!

Warnings: Swearing

Word count: 2.3K

A/N: Reuploading this one cause it had too many mistakes!

She tasted the saltiness of the caramel Frappuccino she ordered next to her a strawberry cake her ultimate favorite.

"So tell me Y/N how's school" Chan asked with a smile while he sipped his iced americano.

You where sitting at table in a vintage local coffee shop surrounded by aesthetically pleasing neon signs and flowers.

"You know being a college freshman is way harder than I thought" You sighed looking at him. Discomfort written all over your face.

“I know that face you make when something is troubling you, what it is exactly? I truly doubt is school related" He spoke softly.

" I swore I wasn't going to fall for him Chan, then tell me why I can't take him off my mind" You almost banged your head on the table as a sign of frustration.

You just couldn't understand why he made you feel that particular way and why exactly had to be him the one who everyone wanted the one you absolutely just couldn't have.

“He just has that effect on people Y/N"- Chan laughed showing his cute dimples.

" He truly does but that's not the point Chan you are supposed to be my friend and tell me to stay away from him before I fall in deeper"

Chan knew him they're weren't exactly close but they both shared American literature and that means they have talked here and then. Also they share a lot of things in common for example they were majoring on the same career.

" I can't do that sweetheart because indeed I'm your friend and if you like him I guess I support it"- He raised his shoulders innocently.

" Christopher Bang Chan! I never said I liked him to begin with and second of all you are such a bad friend this is why Woojin will always be my favorite"- You replied to him with annoyance raising your voice a little. Causing some customers to look at you.

Yes, you had the guy on your mind 24/7 but you just couldn't afford to like him. It was not safe, there were a million reasons why you couldn’t fall on that trap and mainly because you didn't wanted to become another one of the so called “fans” he has too many of those already.

" I feel disrespected but let me remind you woojin is still mad at you because you ate his precious chicken" He snapped back.

"What part of I was drunk both of you don't understand I was about to passed out and that chicken was the only thing that was on the fridge it was totally not my fault in fact you guys should do the groceries more often just saying" you responded with a sassy tone.

You were too busy fighting with Chan to noticed that a group of guys entered the coffee shop. And in that small crowd of young boys the protagonist of your chaotic nonexistent love life.

" Y/N I think we are missing the point here" He said trying to go back to the initial conversation.

" And that is..." You said waiting impatiently for him to answer.

" To admit that you do like him" a grin spread across his face.

You wanted to beat him so hard for being such a cheeky bastard.

"Fuck you Christopher I'm just going to pretend I didn't heard you assume my feelings like that" You scoffed in disbelief.

" What are you so afraid of though" he questioned raising an eyebrow at you.

" I already told you. First of all he's never going to like me back we only talked like twice and that's only because my clumsy ass bumped into him in the library"

" Don't you guys share a clase together" Chan asked while taking a sip of his coffee.

" Yes economics, but you know Mr. popular sits in the back surrounded by girls who are staring at him all day admiring his beauty while on the contrary I have to sit on the front so I can actually listen to Wilson talk about Adam Smith and his invisible hand of capitalism for an hour straight"

" Sounds like fun" he repeated mocking you.

" Today you are acting like a real asshole and I'm questioning why I'm still friends with you"- You said sending him a dead stare.

"I guess someone not in the mood for jokes" He said grinning.

"I'm just stressed out okay!"- You growled.

" Well I'm just going to say, you can keep denying it all you want I know you better than anyone else and unfortunately I can tell you are already in love with the poor man"

Mental note never talk about your love life with Christopher Bang because he has no fucking clue about anything else but music.

" When did you gotten so wise ? clearly never because all you are saying is nothing but bullshit" You crossed my arms in denial.

" Whatever you say Y/N. Why haven't you eaten your strawberry cake yet this matter must be really affecting you today because you tend to devore that thing in seconds"

The straberry cheesecake was just there sitting lonely on the table dripping the red syrup while the big chunk of straberry on top was slowly melting. You stared at it lost on your own thoughts.

There are too many reason why is even risky to think You were to like him but You couldn’t help to suppress a smile when You thought about him laughing or just walking confidently along with his friends through the hallways. You felt like a high schooler all over again having this secret crush on someone who can be seen as unreachable.

To you he was a like a shinning star in a sky, someone I wished upon up every night knowing that even with my extended hands I was never going to be able to touch because he felt too high for a simple mortal like yourself.

" HEY BANG CHAN"- a voice called for my best friend who rapidly turn his head looking for the owner.

You stayed there frozen In your place you could recognize that voice anywhere Seo Changbin one of the richest and most admired guys in school and of course for my misfortune his best friend.

“Hey Seo how you been?" He asked while greeting the boy with a typical handshake.

There was no surprised that Changbin was talking to Chan they're both Music Majors, talented creative, self producers who were extremely passionate about their career unlike you who selected probably the most boring and time consuming career it could possible exist.

That's correct You were a Med student. Exciting knowing You’ll probably die before I get the chance to graduate.

"I've been well but actually I wanted to talk to you about a song I've been working on, do you maybe want to help me with some tracks ?” He asked directly and I could've sworn I heard Chris gasp.

" Of course mate I would love to" He replied with that beautiful smile showing off his dimples once again.

" I'm actually not that busy right now do you mind if we go to my place and work on it I barely started the beat" Changbin suggested.

" I don't mind I'm not busy either" Chan said immediately.

" Then let's go! can't wait for you to hear it" Changbin said turning around quickly.

You turned to face him for the first time since he got here, they were just talking comfortably as they pretended You wasn't even there but honestly You didn't mind at all, that's what happens when people with similar interests get together also nor You wanted to interrupt their personal conversation.

" I'm leaving Baby! I'll see you tomorrow I'm sorry we couldn't finish talking about you know what but I'll treat you to dinner next time"- Channie said while taking his jacket from the chair and standing up to follow Changbin.

" Don't worry about me, have fun with your new friend" You gave him a smile before he disappeared through the crystal doors of the coffee shop.

And then you came back to your thoughts while you kept on staring at my favorite dessert that didn't look as appetizing as before when you purchased it about 30 minutes ago.

As you was having this mental battle of trying to figure out my feeling for the dark haired boy you didn't even noticed that someone approached your table and stand there looking directly at you.

" Y/N" A sweet voice called out your name taking me out of your trance.

"Huh"- You said looking up confused.

That the minute your heart stopped for a couple of seconds and suddenly You forgot how to properly breathe. The most beautiful man was standing right there next to you with his hands on his pockets and his beautiful brown hair styled to the side. He was wearing sweatpants and a red hoodie but he still looked like a model.

"Can I sit here or are you waiting for someone" He asked offering that smile you always end up falling for.

Was he actually talking to you? You questioned mentally. You don't even know each other like that You wonder how is it possible that he even knows your name maybe he has a good memory and remembers you as the girl who tripped with the books on him on the library.

“God why did my mom had to made me uncoordinated” you said unaudible feeling your ears burn in embarrassment.

Your hands were sweating and You couldn't get the words out of your mouth you was suffocating on them.

" You can sit" you said rushing your words as you could spitted fire. If Chan ever needed a back up rapper you think you could do the job.

He proceeded to pull the chair in front of you and plopped himself on it while putting his elbows on the table and resting his cheeks on his hand his eyes looking directly at me. You instantly broke the eye contact and focused your gaze on that strawberry cheesecake again.

There was an awkward silence for a few minutes were neither of you made a sound until he decided to end it.

" Y/N i need to ask you something" His sweet voice sounded a little preoccupied.

" What is it" It was so hard for you to pretend to play it cool in front of him. The one who haunted you even on your own sleep a place where you thought it was safe. But not anymore.

"I know we haven't talked much but I found you really interesting" He scratched the back of his head nervously. "what I'm trying to say is that I would really like to get to know you I mean if that's okay with you of course" He said so fast no wonder why he's actually a rapper.

The red of your cheeks were just as the color of the strawberry syrup from that cake. How was you supposed to answer that while not long ago you was rejecting any possibility of liking him.

" I know this question might sound stupid to you but why me? You know there's absolutely no one in this one who hasn't fallen for you yet" I questioned still unable to believe on his words.

" Oh I know there's one, You are the only one who hasn't" He said obviously.

" So you are saying you find me challenging because I can resist to your charming face " you raised an eyebrow starting to feel offended you clearly wasn't going to be a game to him.

" Not quite I'm saying you are different and I like that maybe you don't realize it but even if the whole world liked me I would still only look at you, I mean I have been since you came in late the first day to Wilson's trying to fix yourself because you looked like you ran a marathon to get there" His laugh overflowed the whole room.

"Excuse me but my alarm didn't worked that morning and I didn't even got to eat breakfast so yes I ran my way all over there sorry I didn't looked presentable to your eyes but some people don't want to be late on their first day" You snapped back messing with him a little.

It was comfortable being with him like this right now. Something told me you was going to cherish this moment forever.

"I never said you looked bad in that moment I thought wow that messy girl is the prettiest one I've ever seen" A smirk spreading across his face.

"Are you just trying to cover up the fact that you literally just roasted me" You said laughing.

" Hey I didn't!” He said puffing outhis cheeks and You must admit he looks adorable every time he does that.

“By the way I was also meaning to ask is strawberry cheesecake your favorite as well?” He asked looking at the almost melted dessert.

" Yes it is. I have tried many variations but I always come back to this old friend, trust me I can eat strawberry cheesecakes for life I just haven't eaten this one because I was too distracted"

"Mine too! I love all kinds of cheesecakes to be honest with you, but no other flavor can surpass the deliciousness of the strawberry one. I must say it's my favorite because in some way it reminds me of you"

"How so" You asked curiously trying to hide the blush on your cheeks.

" It's really sweet but not to the point my teeth would hurt and the juicy texture of the strawberry just melts with the cheese and the cookie crust that's kinda how you are Sweet enough for me to like you with a twist personality that makes it even more fun"

You grabbed the fork and cut a piece of the cake while You shoved it on his mouth.

"Just be quiet for a moment you are being cheesier than the cheesecake" You said pointing at the plate while laughing at his sudden confession.

“Mmm this is delicious” He said savoring the taste on his lips. Liking them slowly in a teasing way.

“By the way, just for the record I was the one who purposely bumped into you at the library I'm sorry I had to grabbed your attention somehow" He winked at you with a smirk.

"JISUNG" You yelled at him.

You both talked about many things that afternoon but one thing you would never be able to forget is how his lips also tasted sweet like that strawberry cheesecake you shared.

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themousefromfantasyland · 3 years

Text

The Yule Man (6/7)

Told by ME

This was meant to be a short story, but it became too big, so I separated it in seven parts. I want to turn my blog in a space where I can share my writting every once and a while.

This is the first time I post one of my stories on a public space. This is the first time anyone besides my sister will be able to read, so I'm pretty exciting and anxious. I want honest criticism. I hope you all enjoy it.

Mia tried to spend the Yule Festival in Lichthafen City with Chris multiple times. The weather always found a way to close their path. Through it all, over the years, he always felt the presence of the North Wind with him. Bringing him to Arnsberg, dragging him away, watching over him.

The desperation grew in him and he decided to risk it all. This time he had an idea, and while he didn't know if it would work, he had to try.

He marched with his sack through a deserted street. He knelt down on the cobblestone, praying he would hear him. He did.

The North Wind engulfed him in a state of mind and spirit where neither time nor distance mattered. He heard a cacophony of thousands of sly voices closer to his ear.

"Why do you call me, son?"

On his knees, he looked up.

"How long I been doing this? Bringing snow to this place, to these people."

The voice blew against him.

"Since eternity began"

"How long I will continue to go through the mortal world as a mere seasonal specter?" He said with anger.

"For as long as eternity prevail."

"Do I have a name?" He feared the answer.

"You can't have a name. You don't have a soul. You don't live."

He drew his bag.

"Please, release me of this cursed state. I won't bring snow to this place ever again. I will never stop trying to run from you."

"Are you blackmailing me?"

"Yes." He shouted. "You can't punish me. If you try, I will never open this bag again."

The voiced flew with anger.

"What do you want?"

He lowered his tone. He looked down to earth.

"I want to exist; I want to be real. I want to be part of this world instead of being a mere apparition, a shadow."

"You should be thankful for not existing. Existence is pain. You’re free from this curse. You're free from old age, disease, suffering, pain, death and heartbreak."

"You forget that I'm also free from living, finality, purpose, pleasure, life and passion. There's more in existing than pain."

"There's entropy. Your days will be numbered. Death and the end of all things will always be a certainty. If you choose this path, there's little that I can do to bring you back. You accept that."

"I do."

"I tried to protect you from this existence. All the higher powers in this world know I tried. The mortals corrupted you. There's little I can do now. Enjoy existing. You live now. You die now. Enjoy the short time you have."

Chris felt different, as if his whole world changed before his sight. He felt everything he could felt on that moment. Pain. Cold. Despair. The certainty of Death. The threat of doom. The fear of the unknown. Love and passion. Joy of being alive. Purpose in life. Hope.

"Before you go, answer back foolish mortal: How long do you think this will last."

He closed his eyes and smiled.

"For as long it shall last."

He picked his bag and rushed to Mia's tailoring shop. He reached there by the evening. A huge man dressed in gentleman clothes sat inside.

"You still haven't paid us your debt."

Mia glared at him with fear.

"Friedrich, I promise I'll pay Mr. Müller everything, but I need time."

He stepped closer to her.

"All I have to say is that he's getting tired. If I were you, I would be very careful now. Happy Yuletide."

He stormed out and bumped against Chris. The boy carefully entered.

"Who was he?"

Mia straightened her hair.

"No one you should worry about." She continued. "Where were you been? We always met by morning."

"There was something I needed to do first."

He seemed different. Mia could tell it. He dropped the fur clothes and raced to the bathroom, where once again he shaved. He stared at the bathroom windows and smiled to the town. Things were changing.

Mia and Chris talked about everything. No secrets could stand between them. Well, no secrets alas for this one. Poverty finally stroked her. This year had been hard. In desperate times, people drown in desperate justifications for poor decisions. Mia didn't want to worry Chris about any of that. She could handle her problems.

During the conversation, Chris placed his old bag over the coffee table. Mia recognized immediately that thing. She touched on it and withdrew. Too cold for her. Even mortal, only Chris still could do the job.

"This year will be the last time I carry this."

Mia became surprised.

"Why? What happened?"

He looked like her siblings during the Solstice Morning.

"He allowed it. He finally allowed it.

"Who?"

"The North Wind."

"What."

He grinned from ear to ear.

"Mia, I'm mortal now. I exist. I'm real now. I'm real!"

She jumped from the couch. Mia couldn't believe it. He got up and he pulled her hands.

"When the Yuletide is over, I am not going anywhere this time. I will stay with you..." He paused and looked at her with his most tender eyes. "If you still want to stay with me."

Mia couldn't resist him. She and Chris hugged each other. They jumped, cried, and laughed together. A wave of emotions possessed each one.

"I need to do something first."

He pulled the bag and raced to the terrace. Not understanding what happened, she ran after him. He carefully placed his hand and hers on the tying knot. It didn't freeze her hands this time.

Chris suddenly got on his knees.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't have any money to afford a ring. But I want to marry you. I don't want to leave your side as long as I may live. I want to be forever a part of your life. If you allowed me in it." He started crying.

She shouted yes and hugged him close.

"One, two, three!"

They pulled the knot and release the snow. The cold breeze and the billions of bright snowflakes seamed to dance all around them. The danced up to far away, to every house and to every person in town, to all who needed them. All in Arnsberg felt their happiness that night.

They made love with deep passion. Magic flowed between them. They knew each other's bodies down to the minimal detail.

They had troubles getting any sleep that night.

"Do you think we could spend the Summer in that Lichthafen City? You know, really this time."

"For you to play in the sand and fill our room with it" She snuggled in his arms.

"Don't forget the tiny seashells" He laughed and stared at her in silence.

"Why are looking at me?" She gently poked his nose.

"I am appreciating the idea of growing old with you!"

Sophia and her brothers showed to the shop next day, all beautiful youths by now. Chris loved them, but they always brought with them the truth: Time had passed.

They invited them to pass the Yule Festival in the mansion with them. No balls or parties, only spending time together on that big house. Mrs. Hayek had at long time carved a tomb for herself on that residence. She had assumed the role of the reclusive widow with deep care. Their kids still hoped they still could bring life for that semi-dead body. Rekindling the Yule spirit was one of these measures.

Mia couldn't bear her mother, still, she loved her siblings and wanted to spend time with them and Chris. Even more, she wanted to get away from the Cat’s-eye’s presence.

Fritz and Thomas threw the Yule Log in the fireplace. The first time in years. The Hayek Mansion seemed almost the same when he first arrived there. Yet, the changes were pretty self-evident. Less servants, less decorations. The Yule Tree was absent.

Entering the house, they saw Mrs. Hayek crawling out of her room like a reptile. The proud woman disappeared. An old bald hag dressed in long floral robes stood on her place.

She stared at Mia. Didn't pronounced a single word, then returned to her room. Mia felt a deep abyss between her and her mom. Time had been cruel with them.

They chattered, ate sweets. They told ghosts stories by the fireplace. Simple, still full of meaning to all present there. Chris felt something he thought it was impossible for him, nostalgia. The kids he played with had all grown up. Sophia was engaged. Fritz found a job out of town and he wanted to know if the rest could take care of their mother. Thomas acted as the new owner of the house.

Mia found him sitting in the stone bench of the garden gates. Snow covered everything in sight, even her fiancé.

"Are you good?"

"The snow never bothered me anyway, madam." He smirked, but with a drop of bitterness behind his playful face.

She sat next to him.

"I never stood too close to mortals. I knew you are always changing. I never thought how much. It scares me."

She didn't said a single word.

"You don't know what to say!"

She nodded in shame. He gave a half-smile to her.

Mia then saw Cat’s-eye’s men on the other side of the gate. She jumped from the bench in fear.

"What happened?" He said worried.

He turned to see what was in the direction she was looking, but he didn't saw anything.

"Nothing, I thought I saw a wild animal on the other side. It was just the trees." Lying never was Mia's strongest suit. "Let's get back inside." She pulled him by his arm.

Cat’s-eye’s men didn't knew her family had money. She avoided using the name Hayek in her tailoring shop. They didn't knew she grew up in a mansion. They knew now.

#christmas #holiday season #yuletide #my writting #writters on tumblr #my story #The Yule Man

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kramlabs · 3 years

Text

So You Want To Believe The So-Called 'Experts'?*

By Karl Denninger

Let's go down the list.

This virus was newly discovered in January of 2020. FALSE; Judicial watch has now proved that Fauci and the NIH knew that Covid-19 was diagnosed no later than December 2nd 2019 in Wuhan. This was deliberately concealed under confidentiality agreements between China and the NIH. In short Dr. Fauci and the NIH knowingly and repeatedly lied about the time of first discovery and diagnosis and it is documented that this was known in February and early March and not disclosed. We also now know with scientific certainty that the virus was in the US no later than the second week of December of 2019 because antibodies were found in about 1.5% of blood donations from that time. This, along with the sequencing back-computation I performed in early 2020 places the latest the virus entered the US as sometime in October of 2019 and from the blood bank data it is scientifically proved it had infected about 1.5% of the population, or roughly 4 million people in the US, by the second week of December 2019. This in turn means that we had widespread disease which was blamed on something else. Indeed we handled all 4 million of those cases just fine up until the hysteria started, didn't we? You didn't even know those 4 million sick people, and those who died of it, existed prior to the hysteria being ginned up.

15 days will slow the spread. "If we all stay home and minimize contact for 15 days -- including closing businesses, schools and not traveling -- Covid will be under control and we can trace infections and stop it." FALSE and we now know impossible because the virus was already all over the country on an uncontrolled basis by that time and the NIH knew the virus had been circulating for at least a month earlier than they admitted at the time. It is true that if you immediately slam your borders shut 100% you can trace and quarantine yourself out of a transmissible epidemic -- at the cost of essentially all external trade, travel and tourism. But Fauci factually knew when we started that this was impossible because the virus had been spreading here for at least two months at the time and we hadn't done a thing about it for those two months. We were later to learn it was four months and perhaps longer.

If you give us 30 more days (remember, this is now six weeks to slow the spread) it'll work. FALSE AGAIN for the same reason; the NIH and Fauci knew there was no possible way to contain the virus when the original 15 days expired as he knew, factually, that the virus had been uncontained for at least three months.

But the lockdowns and restrictions worked to save lives! Nope; this is called the "exception fallacy" and now a peer-reviewed journal entry demonstrates it. We knew this early on too; indeed for five decades we've had "pandemic response plans" that make clear that once you have widespread community dispersion of an infectious agent attempting to lock down people or impose any other sort of non-pharmaceutical intervention is futile and causes harm. We ignored said decades of hard-won experience -- intentionally.

We don't have enough ventilators! FALSE; not one of the DPA-produced ones was ever needed; NY's Governor lied and had plenty of them, as did everyone else.

Ventilators not only are needed they will save lives. FALSE; they killed nearly everyone put on one then, and still do. We knew they didn't work in February as they killed 95% of the people put on then in Wuhan and this had been reported out by March.

This is mostly a community-spread disease in places like stores, bars, restaurants, churches, concerts and the local city street. FALSE; the CDC itself documented that more than half of all transmission was happening in homes and the next largest, and only other statistically material spread was occurring in industrial (e.g. meat packing) plants and health care settings. Nashville suppressed the fact that they could only trace about one percent of infections to social businesses such as bars and restaurants and now the CDC itself has stated that less than 1% of spread is traceable to such public venues as restaurants and bars. In other words we knew by late spring of 2020 the restrictions, including business closures, school shutdowns and masks couldn't work as that's not where the virus was spreading; we couldn't shut down the industrial plants without starving the population and destroying both energy production and sanitary services leading to an immediate societal and economic collapse. Nor could we invade every house and forcibly segment positive-tested people either; we had neither the resources nor would they get away with it without the cops and government goons being turned into swiss cheese. And when it comes to health care we could have segregated Covid-19 facilities and the people working in care homes but intentionally did not.

Asymptomatic transmission is a major risk. FALSE. Over millions of contacts traced in China not one was ever proved to be from an asymptomatic person. There has never been scientific evidence that asymptomatic spread has been material in any pandemic through history and there is no documented evidence of material asymptomatic spread for Covid-19 in the US or anywhere else. Worse, symptomatic persons least able to afford to call out sick due to lack of paid sick time or even the threat of being fired are those in low-wage and high-contact jobs such as fast food, grocery, meatpacking and other "essential" service industries never mind care home employees who are poorly paid and often moonlight in home health care among extremely vulnerable people.

We had no way to stop the nursing home deaths and did the best we could. FALSE. I pointed out immediately after Kirkland occurred that isolating the employees from all general public interaction, effectively creating a bubble, would stop nearly all of the transmission into these environments. We happened to have a lot of empty hotels at the time too. Yes, we would have had to pay significant bonuses to entice employees to go nowhere other than that hotel room and to work but we could have, and if we did it would have saved nearly 50% of those who died in the first four months. Not one so-called "expert" demanded or even suggested doing so but I was calling for exactly this in March of 2020. This, of course leaves aside the various Executive Orders that intentionally seeded the virus into nursing homes in multiple states by multiple Governors. Indeed even this winter in still-locked-down New York there was still no segregation of employees and residents were killed in size by infection brought into the care home by employees. Recent small case number spikes have been associated with vaccine distribution. How's that possible? There's only one rational explanation: The health care workers are giving the virus to the patients getting the shot! And yet we are still told that all these people are "heroes" and don't you dare forget it.

We didn't -- and don't -- have early treatment options that work. FALSE; Japan spent their effort on early treatment and keeping people out of hospitals. They have roughly a third of our population and only 8,000 dead people. Japan is far more-dense population-wise than us yet did a hell of a lot better despite having a materially older population. What Japan didn't do, in short, is spread the disease via their health care workers. In short if you went to the hospital you were likely to die; this has proved out in my own county in Tennessee with a >60% death rate. Up until we started with the panic porn -- the entire first three months of this outbreak in the US until March of 2020 -- we did fine too despite the virus being literally everywhere for months. We in fact knew of several early treatment candidate drugs, all cheap and available, in March of 2000 and exactly zero of them were investigated by the NIH, CDC or any of the so-called "public health" institutions such as Vanderbilt, IHME, Johns Hopkins and others. Those physicians and even hospital systems who did investigate them on their own were derogated, attacked and in some cases even threatened with license suspensions and other sanctions which continue to this day.

Age is the primary determinant of risk. FALSE; obesity and the panoply of health conditions caused and exacerbated by being a fat-ass is the primary determinant of risk. Nations with lower obesity prevalence have a ten times lower or better risk of death from Covid-19 on a per-100,000 population basis. Obesity is in each and every instance a lifestyle choice. This was known very early on in the NY Coroner data which is updated frequently; only six persons 75 and older have died of Covid without one of a relatively short list of underlying conditions -- and over 10,500 died with one or more. Simply put most of those who died deliberately put themselves in a medically compromised condition through their own lifestyle choices just a person who drinks too much and ruins their liver decided to drink. Absent those personal lifestyle decisions the death rate from this disease, while certainly not zero, is approximately half as likely as death due to an automobile accident over a year's time. Read here -- this is exactly what I pointed out one year ago. Who's been right on this -- and who's been wrong?

Existing drugs will not work and we have no existing treatments until you're hospitalized; we must develop new treatments and vaccines. FALSE. The data is that ivermectin works, among others. A trial out of Australia conducted in Britain (they locked everything in and did not have enough people in Australia who were sick) showed Budesonide (a cheap inhaled steroid used for asthma) works if given immediately when someone becomes symptomatic. The latter trial was stopped because it was ruled unethical to not give the controls the medicine since it prevented ninety percent of hospitalizations. Ivermectin has worked in every trial run thus far except one recently reported study the authors themselves state cannot prove effectiveness as the necessary deterioration in cases to do so was violated to the downside immediately, possibly due to widespread community use of the drug. The data on HCQ says it works if used early but appears to be worthless if not used until you're in the hospital. Remdesivir, which has an EUA, was disproved -- that is, shown worthless in a very large trial called "Solidarity" (along with several other drugs) and yet is still being used as it is on-patent and expensive. No drug works 100% of the time nor should it be expected to, but we should damn well not continue to use drugs that are proved worthless just because they cost $3,000 and the FDA issued an EUA for them. Deliberately not treating people until they're choking to death is monstrous and has resulted in hundreds of thousands of deaths, many if not most of them avoidable at a cost of a few dollars.

Masks are the best tool we have to stop the spread and, if you just wear them for a few -- 4, 6, 8 weeks -- we will have Covid under control. Stated under oath before Congress by the CDC's director in September following multiple previous statements over a two month period in the summer by the CDC and NIH which urged (and got) the issuance of mandates. FALSE and known false as Hawaii took a ten times case rate spike a month after their mandate. This was known before Redfield perjured himself before Congress. There are ZERO states which did not take a monstrous spike in the winter despite mandates including California with the most-strict lockdowns and mask mandates in the nation. Compliance via multiple surveys has been around 90% with no evidence of effectiveness anywhere against non-mandate states and counties next door. Those states including South Dakota and Florida who repudiated the mandates or refused to issue them in the first place had identical or better outcomes than the states and locales that imposed them. The CDC has now itself published a MMWR (weekly report) in which they "claim" masks work -- their definition of "work" is a shockingly tiny 1-2% decrease in deaths and this assumes you ignore the confounding elements in their study that could invalidate even that tiny impact. In other words despite the nearly year-long and continual screaming about masks even the CDC itself now states that out of the 500,000 dead only 5,000-10,000 lives were saved at best and statistically-speaking it is entirely possible zero lives were saved. REMEMBER, WE WERE TOLD IN THE SUMMER AND EARLY FALL THAT MASKS WOULD ABSOLUTELY CONTROL THE VIRUS AND IN FACT THE CDC STATED UNDER OATH THAT MASKS WERE BETTER PROTECTION THAN A VACCINE. THIS LIE WAS REPEATED FOR MONTHS AND IS STILL BEING REPEATED TODAY. This wasn't a random statement made "off the cuff" it was made under oath to Congress five months ago and has, over time and by the data, been conclusively proved to be a lie.

The new strains will cause another spike even worse than the last one. FALSE; this was stated originally in the fall and repeated in December through February and yet since then cases have dropped like a stone despite these "new strains" becoming more and more prevalent. Florida in particular has documented widespread prevalence of one of the "demon strains" that were trumpeted in Fauci's fear porn. There has been no spike. Incidentally viruses mutate all the time; within the first few months there were hundreds of distinct viral RNA strains of Covid-19 known and that was only of the infections sequenced -- a tiny minority. If our actions do lead to new strains (specifically our ridiculously-unsound mass-vaccination campaign) and viral evasion occurs you may well be more screwed if you took the vaccine due to ADE than if you did not!

The Super Bowl will cause a huge case, hospitalization and death spike in Florida due to the ridiculously crowded parties and no masks in bars and similar all over the Tampa area. In fact the mayor threatened to arrest people for exactly this reason (an empty threat as the Governor had banned enforceability of said mandates.) FALSE; there has been no spike. Look for yourself; it's been over a month and cases, hospitalizations and deaths are all falling. Where's the spike?

Texas dropping its mask order will lead to mass-disease and death. FALSE; there has been no spike at all. Biden called the move "Neanderthal thinking" and predicted disaster, as did California's Newsom among myriad others, both among political leaders and so-called "medical experts" such as Fauci. Multiple lefties claimed that "there is no limit to how far Republicans will go to kill people." The truth is that Covid-19 cases fell by 28% in the next two weeks. The histrionics were, once again, wrong.

If we social distance and wear masks we will buy enough time for the vaccines to be developed and approved. FALSE. The case and hospitalization rate on a national basis peaked and was falling before the first jab went in the first arm. That which you do after something happens cannot be the cause. Simply put the vaccines did not stop any of the death; despite the lack of testing and rushed approvals they came too late.

The only people who count for "herd immunity" are those vaccinated. FALSE; never in history has such a lie been propagated for any disease, ever, anywhere. The CDC by its own estimates puts the lower boundary of persons infected and recovered at over 1/3rd of the nation and that's their lowest estimate. By more-reasonable belief the number is over half. Those people have immunity and absolutely count. Further, we knew in the first months that a material percentage of the population has pre-existing resistance to some degree, likely due to previous infection with other coronaviruses. This is why the case rate peaked before fully-vaccinated persons existed in the US; there is no other possible explanation.

Even if you've had the disease and recovered you should get vaccinated. There is zero science behind this claim. If you've had the measles or Chicken Pox would you take a vaccine against either? I certainly would not and have not; that would be pointless and stupid. The claim that there is no durable protection once infected is nothing more than conjecture; note that coronaviruses circulate among us all the time and while immunity may not be perfect (e.g. eventually you may well get it again) the odds are extremely high that if you do it will be a mild case and of no clinical or personal significance. Suggesting that you take the risk of an experimental vaccine if you were previously infected is wildly inappropriate; there is no such thing as a drug without risk and there is zero scientific evidence that your acquired immunity will not protect you against serious disease.

Even if you've been vaccinated or had the disease and recovered you should wear a mask and distance from others. FALSE, unless you believe the vaccines are worthless. If you believe the vaccine protects the person who takes it then you no longer need a mask or to distance and since others can choose to take a vaccine or not you have no reason to wear a mask or distance for allegedly protecting others either. If you do not believe the vaccines are effective protection then why did you take it? In short you either believe that you gain immunity by vaccination or infection or you do not; if you do then there's no reason for you to take any measures beyond either recovery or completion of the vaccination. Further, if you don't believe infection and recovery provides meaningful and durable protection then neither will the vaccine so the same scenario applies to both cases and if you do not then believe the shots are protective then you are stupid for accepting them.

These are the very same people folks -- the NIH, the CDC, State Departments of Health, Fauci, Harvard, Johns Hopkins, IHME, Vanderbilt and many more who now tell you after a solid year of unbroken lies and falsehoods that the vaccines are both safe and effective while at the same time our government has provided a 100% waiver of all liability to the pharmaceutical companies that developed and manufactured them.

I note that unlike the other common vaccines that are safe and effective, and which took 10+ years to so-prove, the mechanism of action of these shots are wildly different; they use only part of the virus and rather than introduce it into your body they hijack your cellular metabolism to produce the spike protein exactly as would a replicating infection with the virus, but since only the "spike" is there rather than the entire virus the hypothesis is that hijacking your cellular metabolism in this fashion will not hurt you. While for other vaccines the immunity produced is metabolically identical to infection because a killed whole virus that cannot replicate is used in this case the shots deliberately cause replication in your body of only one part of the virus, the spike protein. This is not identical to the broad immunity provided by natural infection because it can't be with this approach; if the entire virus was used you'd get the disease and it would be systemic in every case instead of localized to your upper respiratory tract. Further, unlike a killed virus vaccine that cannot replicate in your body at all these shots all cause production of the spike protein by your cells exactly as would an infection and that production is systemic since it is given by injection and thus circulates through the body.

The safety of this approach is unproved and in fact the rate of deaths closely associated with these vaccines is wildly higher than that associated with any of the other routinely given vaccinations including flu and chicken pox. The intermediate and longer-term effects of this approach including the possibility of long-term or even permanent damage as a result of systemically hijacking your cellular metabolism to produce that foreign protein are unknown.

Unlike a mask you can remove you cannot un-take a shot and the litany of those previous lies killed over 400,000 Americans who otherwise would not have died.

What if their statements are false this time, specifically on safety? What if viral evasion shows up as did during early trials for a SARS vaccine in animals, trials that were abandoned and not performed for these preparations? It typically takes ten years to know if a candidate vaccine produces unacceptable side effects including lifetime disability due to immune dysfunction, never mind exactly how effective it is and for how long. Further, the media and these people continually claim that nobody has been killed by these vaccines yet VARES, the CDC's own reporting data which is public, shows roughly two thousand associated deaths. The number of associated deaths with the annual flu shot from last year's flu vaccination which shipped roughly 170 million doses, was twenty-six.

That means the Covid-19 shots are associated thus far with roughly seventy five times (7,500%) as many deaths as last year's entire set of flu vaccines! Remember that we give flu vaccines to old and morbid people just like the first priority for Covid-19 vaccines, so these should produce similar "associated" rates of bad events if they are similarly safe.

VARES reporting is voluntary and thus always under-reports vaccine-associated events. Association does not establish causation but a pattern of 75 times as many deaths as are associated with another commonly-given vaccine in the same population group damn well ought to raise anyone's eyebrows; to claim that such does not represent a "safety signal" is a flat-out lie.

I remind you that the false statements of alleged facts outnumber, by a wild margin, the true ones particularly when it comes to things you were told to do that "would work" to stem the spread of this virus. Every single one of those claims has been proved false over time.

In short you're now being exhorted to believe a cadre of people and government agencies who are proved repeated liars and to trust them with your life after their previous lies killed your mother.

The facts are that Covid-19 basically burned itself out before the first shot went in the first arm and that none of the mitigating factors prevented net deaths from occurring; in fact all these mitigations, from mask orders to lockdowns to closing businesses and others caused more deaths due to ODs, suicides, avoidable heart attacks and strokes not screened for and other maladies by a wide factor than the mitigations, even using fatally flawed claims taken on faith by these very same agencies, could have possibly saved. The actions we could have taken to actually reduce death, specifically as regards care home and other medical facilities we deliberately refused to do and we knew those actions would save lives. Instead of protecting the most-vulnerable while those least-likely to be seriously harmed were naturally infected and built a wall of population immunity we deliberately refused to protect those older and sicker people from infection via the health care system and they died.

Given this record of falsehoods, actions and intentional refusals to act you're willing to bet your life they're telling the truth this time?

Even without full testing there may be reason for certain people to accept the vaccine, particularly those at specifically-high risk who have not had the virus. However, on the data if you are not specifically morbid in known ways the risk of death from Covid-19, by the CDC's own data along with that of the NY coroner, is approximately 3/100,000. From the associated deaths in the CDC's own VARES system it appears the vaccines are approximately as dangerous to materially more dangerous than the disease in non-morbid individuals and that is without having any data on intermediate and longer-term effects which can only add to those risks. Further, if you've already been infected with Covid-19 you already have broad immunity and there is zero scientific evidence that vaccination can be of any value to you whatsoever.

When do we stop allowing people like Fauci, the CDC, Joe Biden, Donald Trump and Governors along with various health departments to lie through their teeth about virtually everything related to this virus?

Is not your dead Grandmother enough reason to put a stop to this horse**** -- and all who support it?

Original article has hyperlinks. Link: https://market-ticker.org/akcs-www?post=241875

#karl denninger #sars-cov-2 #global pandemic of stupidity

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