#even if she figures it out somehow i dont know how she'll like. bring it to light? or do anything abt it??

[ajdrawshq]

you love them...... 0(-(

[br1ghtestlight]

rewriting western spaghetti and meatballs?? if i ever turn this into an actual script or fanfic it will be more out together these are just ideas

okay first i will say that this episode suffers from two big problems being that it takes place too early into the show's run for it to have the emotional impact it otherwise would've (because we aren't yet invested in louise's relationship with gene or bob) and that it was so early into the writing process that the writers didn't have a full understanding of the characters or their personalities yet. i dont think this episode is bad (its a product of the time it was written in the show's history) but i do believe i could fix it and it could have been a really interesting episode focusing on the relationship between gene and louise

bob and louise watching their tv together and gene walks in and joins them. bob and gene get really into watching westerns together just like in the episode and they bond over it but louise gets jealous and bob is talking to gene abt the movie and explaining stuff bcuz he figures louise already knows what's going on and she doesn't really need him but louise feels like bob is favoring gene and that he'd rather be spending time with him so she gets upset, says she's going to bed and leaves

i don't know what linda and tina's subplot would be but i probably wouldn't make it be an assembly about conflict resolution?? maybe linda just isn't a big part of this episode or she's helping tina with something and they're bonding so that adds to louise feeling left out and neglected. maybe they're putting on a cowboy play at school and tina is rehearsing her lines and it brings the cowboy theme back around

gene is excited about being a cowboy and spending time with his dad BUT HE ISNT TRYING TO START A FIGHT OR STAND UP TO SOME RANDOM KID AT SCHOOL that feels slightly out of character for gene (who is importantly portrayed as a pacifist in the show and almost never gets into conflict or fights with anybody, he typically avoids confrontation and thats why him standing up to some random classmate for?? stealing his jokes??? feels slightly ooc even if he WOULD get annoyed) and i think he works better in this episode if he is genuinely completely oblivious to the fact that louise is upset or jealous. he doesn't get into a fight with louise but he's busy doing something related to the play maybe he's playing a character or doing the music (and so is tina) so louise has to eat lunch alone and she's sad and feels like she's being left behind and that her family isn't including her. she's losing her siblings and her best friends

later that day louise asks gene to hang out with her and play a game together in her bedroom but he's too busy rewatching old western movies with their dad bcuz he wants to be prepared for his role in the upcoming play. bob invites her to join them but louise gets pissy and leaves to ask tina and her mom to hang out but they're ALSO busy rehearsing for the play and even tho they invite louise to help out she gets bored and she misses spending time with her brother so she gets the idea to sabotage the play somehow so that he'll HAVE TO hang out with her again

louise convinces some friends (maybe rudy and millie) to help her sabotage the play tomorrow night and they're like hesitant (aka rudy is hesitant and millie is totally on board) but eventually agree to helping her and she basically just fucks with every aspect of production like the actors and props and costumes. she feels guilty but convinces herself this is for the greater good bcuz otherwise she'll lose her brother forever and he's her best friend

gene's big role in the play comes up and she sabotaged it so that the actor he was performing alongside got sick or locked in a closet or something and she actually feels really bad so she throws on their costume and joins the play. she doesnt know any of the lines so she just improvises (kinda like how bob did in hawk and chick) and gene realizes she fucked everything up and gets kinda upset but she tells him that he's her best friend and they do everything together. they've always had each others backs and she's scared of losing him or that he'll be too busy to hang out with her anymore she doesn't know what she'll do without him

maybe there would be like a clipshow of them growing up together but ALSO bobs burgers doesn't typically do moments like that so it might feel slightly off or won't work thematically?? idk

gene tells louise that he loves spending time with her and they do everything together and just bcuz he does things without her sometimes that doesn't mean he doesn't want to spend time with her etc and he ALWAYS wanted to watch the western movies with her but she seemed kinda pissy about it so he left her alone but they'll always be siblings and hang out together and maybe next time gene is in a school performance louise can act alongside him :)

linda and tina have a b-plot thats related to the play and maybe linda is either living out her own failed middle school performance through tina or otherwise being slightly overbearing and annoying but its not the main focus

if this were an actual piece of writing it would be MUCH MORE focused on the relationship between louise and gene and how they communicate/feel about each other bcuz usually their relationship is just "they hang out together and cause problems and gene goes along with whatever louise does" but there's a lot more stuff going on between them clearly as we see in the large brother where fart thou episode AND in spaghetti western and meatballs

[the-queen-of-ships]

So, I got back into a Disney classic, specifically Beauty and the Beast. I watched the live action in cinemas, a bit auto tuned and Emma was a bit stiff during her performance and I have a few nitpicks here and there but the clothes, cgi, and choreography was stunning even the yellow dress tho I was not impressed when I saw it and still think its not all that good I love how she twirls in it. And the additional songs are lovely currently Im obsessed with 'Evermore'.

So, beware cause I'm gonna start gushing about how this song is perfect for Whitney and Calpernia whether you think of it as romantic or unrequited. I wouldn't have pieced this together if I wasn't writing an indulgent fic but here we are. I'm only choosing the ones that correlate to the canon story so far and since I now have a one shot idea I ain't throwing all my eggs in one basket and really bc I dont want to make this too long bc I need to sleep.

I was the one who had it all

I was the master of my fate

I never needed everybody in my life

So this one is pretty simple, it's basically about Whitney's poor choices because of his upbringing. Couldn't afford the luxury of trusting anyone even his siblings and the one time he did, he almost died for it.

I learned the truth too late

I'll never shake away the pain

I close my eyes but she's still there

I let her steal into my melancholy heart

It's more than I can bear

So, this would be around the time he finally sought to change. He'll always live to regret his actions and the very last one who he wronged; Calpernia will still haunt him even when he has apologized. Like guy dedicates a journey for apologizing to other people and he decides Calpernia to be the last one.

Now I know she'll never leave me

Even as she runs away

She will still torment me

Calm me, hurt me

Move me, come what may

So, pretty much the same as the last one but I'd like to bring your attention to 'torment me, calm me, hurt me, come what may' Calpernia really does affect him. In the comic, she has 'tormented and hurt him' this could go two ways literally and figuratively.

Literally, when she was still mad and when she puts him on the spot during Gwen's dinner party.

Figuratively, like the thought of her. I'd imagine the thoughts of Calpernia and those he has hurt accompany him during his travels. When he arrived in the CPC, he started being tormented and hurt by his guilt increasing because he was unknowingly developing feelings for her.

She also 'calms him' when he was having self doubt and contemplating leaving.

Now I know she'll never leave me

Even as she fades from view

She will still inspire me

Be a part of everything I do

When Whitney was having self doubt about his and Calpernia's change, she was able to prove to him that she has changed by fighting bootleg Johnny Bravo. That inspires him to help the Princels with their couch.

And also, if we think about it they're in the present today because of their past mistakes. Calpernia who let herself be stomped down and be the bait to lure in Asa. Whitney who plotted to murder Asa but accidentally stabs the wrong person.

That's about it really. Since I'm looking to make a hopefully short one shot bc I mentioned before I was writing an indulgent fic about these two and it somehow turned out longer than I imagined. So am I procrastinating, since technically I'm still doing stuff I'll know I'll post?

[angloie]

Dark Skies

"Its cold. Just take my jacket, will you?"

in which two people definitely hate each other. even though they feel something between them- something other than plain dislike- Percy refuses to admit it. Nuh uh.

Add in a rainy day, a umbrella-less Annabeth, and a grumbling Percy to the mix.

warnings: swearing, thunder/rain storm.

The weather seemed to reflect Annabeth's mood.

As she sniffed under the tree, her tears became more rapid sliding down her flushed cheeks. Cold, leaving her shivering in the slightest.

Stupid classmates, being total jerks. When she had one of the older students ask her out- and when she rejected him, lightly- he had the audacity to insult her when he didn't get what he wanted.

"I-It was just a dare, anyways!" The boy had stammered before. "Not like anyone would actually want to date you, ugly."

Wow. What a way to handle a rejection. Even if it were a dare, was the insult really necessary?

If Annabeth knew this was awaiting her at the end of the day, then maybe she wouldn't have gone to school. Even after a rough day like that.

Rain. More rain, and even more. The local forecast didn't say anything about the horrible weather, (the forecast was always messed up, somehow, that was probably her mistake,) so why was she here; finding refuge under a branchy tree? It was just so peachy that she didn't bring her umbrella.

It was cold. Too cold for Annabeth's liking.

She wrings her hair in her hands, squeezing out every droplet she can manage. They run down her arms, hands, fingers, only adding to her shivering. Yup- her hair would be one frizzy mess later. And a pain to comb.

Great.

Her bag was soaked, along with her notebook. Oh, and her sweater was damp at the edges, sleeves a dark color from the once light grey. If Annabeth wasn't sick now, she definitely would be later.

"Oh? What're you doing here?"

Annabeth sighed and leaned on the somewhat dry trunk. Her phone wasn't doing much in the situation. Well; it was dead. So that wasn't very fun.

Was she being too sensitive? The insult hurt, no matter if it a as said in spite. I mean, if Annabeth wanted to get insulted in her appearance, she would've just gone back ho-

"What do you want, Percy?" Wiping her tears on her sleeve, Annabeth turns around to face the one and only. Even through the grayish blur she could manage his figure.

As if things couldn't get any worse.

Why him?

Percy Jackson.

"I couldn't help but notice you," Her smirks tauntingly. "Looking all down in the dumps, crying like that. What, not a fan of rain?"

Her number enemy number one. Both academic and athletic rival. The bane of her very existence. Her cocky and sarcastic rival ever since-

CRACKA-BOOM!

"I seriously despise you." Annabeth grumbles. "For your information, im dealing with something right now!"

"And what's that supposed to mean?" If she knew any better, Annabeth would've thought there was a little concern in his words. But concern? And Percy? Not two words meant to be paired together.

"J-just," She wipes her eyes clear now. By the way hes looking at her, mascara must be running down her eyes by now, and her skin must be red and puffy. How humiliating.

"Go away. Please. " Her voice cracks.

And how pathetic.

"No, I don't think I will."

"Just fuck off, then!"

"Oh shit."

There was thunder now?

"Yeah?"

"Shit indeed." Percy eyes Annabeth.

"You don't have an umbrella." He says, as if noticing only recently.

"And theres one heck of a storm we're in."

"Uh huh."

"If only you had someone to walk you home," He taunts, waving his dark blue umbrella in the blondes face. "How sad."

Annabeth knows that trees are a target of lighting strikes. She also knows that standing under one during a storm is, well, dangerous. So if Percy doesn't get to the point fast, she might have to do a full on sprint to her house.

"I get it, geez. Don't rub it in."

He stays silent for a second as he watches the droplets land on his shoes. They slide off painfully slow.

"Oh, fine. C'mere." Percy ushers her over, over to under his-

Under his umbrella?

"What?" Annabeth mouth slightly parts in surprise.

"Do you have a death wish or something?" He rolls his eyes. "I might hate you, but im not an asshole. Let me walk you home."

"Why should I?" She crosses her arms, frowning and turning away because head.

Another strike of lightning.

"You know what?” She pauses, staring at the charred peice of ground a few meters away. “Fine."

Its quiet as they walk.

Well, as quiet as you can get when there's a while thunderstorm going on. Percy nearly trips over Annabeth's feet as they speed walk through it all. Annabeth almost slips when they go downhill.

And, God, as she looked at a puddle, her appearance wasn't something to be proud of. All Annabeth is willing to disclose is a few words consisting of Mascara, a mess of hair, and red eyes.

Why Percy offered her to walk home? She didn't know. Maybe to torment her further. Or maybe to tease her.

"Im sorry." He says randomly.

Annabeth side eyes him. "For what?"

"I saw that douche back there," Percy sighs and shakes his head, "He's just insecure about himself. Don't let him get to you." After a beat of silence, he speaks up again. "Im sorry for not saying something. I should have. So I'm sorry."

"A-ah. Thanks, I guess." The corner of her lips twitch upwards.

"I dont.." He takes a sharp inhale. "I-I don't think you're ugly."

Is that...

pink on his face?

Is the Percy Jackson blushing?

Holy crap- he is. He totally is.

"Where's this all coming from?" Annabeth guffaws, fully grinning now. "You? Not being a total ass? What is it, is today doomsday or someth-"

"Shut up! I just don't want to see you crying again!" Percy falters as he hold the umbrella up.

"Aww, you're worried about me!"

"...You're impossible, you know that?"

"Bleh. Whatever."

Annabeth misses way Percy looks at her as she turns away. Tender, as she snickers to herself, its something straight out of a cheesy romance rom-com.

But she'll get to see it another day, anyways. For now Percy can settle with a soft smile.

[cherryblossomstars]

II. Navy (W. Ushijima)

Taken from my AO3 series of one-shots & reposted here

Pairing: Ushijima x F!Reader

Word count: 1,446

Genre: Fluff, birthday fic

Summary: Aoba Johsai's volleyball team has never been able to defeat the Great Ushiwaka of Shiratorizawa. Their manager, however? She can bring him to his knees in mere seconds.

Or, Ushijima Wakatoshi is helplessly in love with Seijoh's Ace's twin sister, and the Aoba Johsai VBC is not appreciative of it.

Previous | Next

It's no secret that Ushijima Wakatoshi is a baby when it comes to matters of love or any emotion that comes with showing affection. His movements on the court are lithe, careful, and precise. Mistakes rarely happen when he's playing his beloved sport, and errors will almost certainly never happen if he's at his peak concentration- then he's at a completely different and untouchable level. He has a degree of grace and beauty on the court that a professional figure skater would be jealous of (not to mention his incredible stamina).

And yet, when it comes to you, he may as well be an infant struggling to walk. It's messy, he's not sure what he's doing, and sometimes he gets hurt trying to figure it out. He knows you, that much he's sure about. You've both known each other for years now. So why, why is it so hard to figure out something to do for you on your birthday?

Around the holidays and on his birthday, he would always tell you not to get him something. He's not a big fan of presents. If he needed something, he'd simply ask his family and then in 1-2 business days, bam. The item in question would be at his front door. And yet, every time, you've still found a way to give him something meaningful.

In the three years he's known you, you've given him a scrapbook, a jar of reasons you love him, and, his most favorite gift of all, a volleyball with everyone's signatures on it. Not just his team's, but other teams as well. People from the Fukurodani, Johzenji, Nekoma, Itachiyama, hell, even Karasuno and Aoba Johsai. You'd somehow managed to coerce Oikawa into signing it. When he'd asked about Oikawa, you'd simply shrug and say "he owed me one". He decided not to press any further. While some people opted to simply write their name on the ball, others wrote little messages too. Iwaizumi Hajime had written a simple happy birthday, while Tendou had to be stopped by you from practically taking up the entire damn ball, a story told to him by his teammates later on. He even cracked a small chuckle imagining your small figure trying to restrain Tendou Satori of all people. He also learned that Oikawa likes to sign his name with a star next to his signature. Ushijima thought it was tacky, but it fit his personality well. Every year you didn't have a physical present for him, you'd take him out on a date or give him one of your homemade bentos.

He was not a fan of presents, but he's certainly grown to look forward to receiving yours.

Yet, every year, he struggles to figure out what to get you. In the past years, he'd given you something simple, but nice or something you just happened to need at the time. One year it was a phone, since Oikawa had accidentally broken yours that year. Ushijima had to visit Oikawa himself and convince him not to buy you a new phone, since Ushijima would be the one handling it. After some debate, Oikawa finally gave in. Another year he'd gotten you a simple silver band, one that you keep on your index finger. He rarely sees you go out without it on, something he's found very pleasing. It brings a sense of satisfaction to his mind when he sees it on you.

Perhaps it was the weather, he rationalized, that was getting in the way of his ideas. Or maybe it was the fact that he had another practice match coming up soon, so he was also coming up with game plans in the back of his mind. He needed to focus. Ushijima was normally ahead of things when it came to plans with you, but he's been so busy with volleyball these past few weeks that he hasn't been able to buy you your gift yet. And now it was six in the evening on a Friday, and he still wasn't sure what to get you for your birthday tomorrow.

He grumbled under his breath, he'd just have to swallow his pride and ask for help. He took out his phone and called the first person he could think of- Tendou. You two were good friends, after all.

"Helloooo? What's up Wakatoshi?" Tendou sang.

"[Name]." He said.

"You're gonna have to give me more context than that." His friend pointed out.

"We're celebrating her birthday tomorrow and I'm unsure of what to get her."

"Something sweet. She's got a pretty awful sweet tooth after all."

"I want something she can keep. Something that will last."

"Oh wow. What a doting boyfriend. Hmm... Well I don't think she needs anything right now... Oh! Why don't you just give that ace from Seijoh a call?"

"...I do not have his number."

"I'll text it to you. Later." And with that, the line went dead.

Damn. He had to ignore his pride just to call Tendou, but Iwaizumi? That was a different level. He'd do it, though, because it's for you.

Ding!

Tendou: It's +81-XXX-XXXX-XXX

Tendou: good luck~ (*´ I `)ﾉﾟ(ﾉД｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡

Ushijima: Thank you.

Should he call or text? Maybe texting would be the better option. You never answered any unknown numbers, who's to say your twin wasn't the same way? He gave your brother a contact before sending a text.

Ushijima: Hello, Iwaizumi. It's Ushijima. Do you have any good gift ideas for [Name]?

Iwaizumi: dude how'd you get my number?

Ushijima: Tendou had it.

Iwaizumi: cool. follow up question: why does he have it?

Iwaizumi: nevermind. not sure I wanna know.

Ushijima couldn't help but think about how you and your brother text the same way.

Iwaizumi: dunno. she likes meaningful gifts i guess. maybe an album? or a scr:"//ad39E

He furrowed his brows in confusion. A what?

Iwaizumi: sorry. oikawa made a grab for my phone. i was gonna say maybe a scrapbook.

Ushijima: I don't know how to make those.

Iwaizumi: painting?

Ushijima: I am bad at art. What are other people getting her?

Iwaizumi: im getting her a new video game for her switch. oikawa's getting her concert tickets to that band she likes so much. yahaba and kyoutani pooled their money together and got her a bunch of new clothes. kunimi's giving her $20. the rest of team pooled their money together and got her a new tablet. i know the players from fukurodani, karasuno, johzenji, nekoma, itachiyama, and inarizaki got her stuff but i dont know what.

Iwaizumi: wait actually those twins from inarizaki got her a stuffed animal and a box of cookies from a bakery she likes

Yahaba and Kyoutani got her clothes... A lightbulb lights up in his mind.

Ushijima: Thank you. I know what to give her.

Iwaizumi: yea no problem

Ushijima went to the shopping district for no reason, then. He went back to his dorm, stepping inside and immediately opening his closet.

"Figured something out?" Tendou greeted from his bunk.

"Yes." He responded, taking one of his sweaters off from a hanger and holding it out in front of him.

Tendou raises his eyebrows in shock, "she's gonna be swimming in that."

"Yes, but she likes to take my volleyball jacket all the time. She says it smells like me, so I may as well give her this one since she can't keep the volleyball jacket." Ushijima holds in front of him a large maroon sweater with the word Shiratorizawa printed in white on it. It was bought to fit him and all his 189 centimeter glory.

"She'll love it."

"Why are you giving this back to me? I gave it to you." Ushijima tilts his head slightly.

You stood in front of him holding out the sweater he had given you for your birthday a few weeks ago, neatly folded in your hands. You felt your face grow hot in embarrassment. "It... Doesn't smell like you anymore. There's no point if it doesn't feel like I'm close to you."

He's quiet for a moment before taking the sweater from your hands. "So you are returning it?"

You can't look at him in the eye, "for now. I want it back, of course. Just... wash it or something with whatever laundry soap you use and give it back so it smells like you."

He smiles softly at you and presses a light kiss to your forehead. He doesn't look like someone who could be soft. His sheer strength on the court and his powerful spikes on the court can attest to that, but he can't help it when it came to you.

"I love you."

Fin.

[girlmounter]

URGENT QUESTION TO ALL MY FOLLOWERS, I NEED YOUR FEEBACK!

Okay so here's the situation. I am asking you all to please please read this through and like, maybe tell me if I made the right decision... because I feel terrible about this. I would love it if someone told me if this is correct or wrong and I should've done something else. I'm not a popular blog, so whoever this post might reach (which is not going to be a lot of people) please please take some time out to read this through. I know it's a really long post, but I really really need your opinion on this. If you don't have the time right now, maybe just reblog it and save it for later. It would also help this post reach more people. Also please check the tags for the trigger warnings.

I have been going to a therapist for about 5 months now. My mom, as you probably know by now, is narcissistic and my dad enables her, along with my mom's parents who we live with. I have no siblings, and I just turned 17. Since we live in Asia, all you desi people know how hard society is on us when we go against our parents, who are supposed to be godly figures.

So all along, my therapist, (for confidentiality's sake we'll call him Sam, 21), has been bent on making me talk to them. I dont know why. I've tried explaining so many times that talking to my mom is not an option because 1) NARCISSISTIC PEOPLE DON'T EVER CHANGE and 2) my mom WILL use all my words against me and twist them into whatever she wants and later bring them up to bring me down. You guys with narcissistic parents know this shit too well.

It's not like I haven't ever even tried talking to them, I have! I've done it so many times, with a calm tone, in the most diplomatic way possible. There were times I tried to get the point across by crying and being desperate too. There were also times where I thought anger might work out.

It never did. It doesn't. It won't, because she is not looking for solutions or for mending the bond between us. All she wants is to infantilize me and keep me under her control forever. Mom and dad both want this. They don't ever want to let me out of their sights. They don't let me out of their sights.

A very long story short, I am supervised 24/7, I don't have much of a phone, I don't have friends, I don't have any family members who would support me, I don't have much of a family either tbh. I am monitored like crazy, gaslighted every single day, lied to, manipulated like hell, and babied to the point where it's just narcissistic infantilization and not concern anymore. To them, I'm a baby when it suits them, and I'm an adult when it suits them better that way. She doesn't care about what I think because apparently I'm a liar and to all those people out there who know the smear campaigning and the flying monkeys and the triangulation....yeah. All of that happens on a regular basis. I know I'm not providing any concrete proof and situations but please believe me. Please believe me. My memory is so shot I can't remember anything and i know it doesn't work out in my favor but please please believe me I'm telling the truth...

I have made three suicide attempts, I used to cut and was very badly addicted to it, and now I don't cut, but yeah I'll be sharing the reason in a little bit. Please hold on, this means a huge deal to me. Please don't scroll past this.

So Sam never really even had a smidge of doubt that my mom might be narcissistic, and I wasn't given the benefit of doubt either. After months of research when I myself figured that it might be narcissism, I told him and he went along with it. He does believe me now. But somehow I don't feel very understood. I dont feel better after I talk to him. I feel like my problems are trivial and that I'm just not working hard enough. I feel misunderstood and I never feel satisfied. I asked him for tips to deal with crushing loneliness and panic attacks and stuff like that, but I never receive real answers. When I asked for help with my suicidal thoughts, he just said that it's never an option and that's it. That's the only answer I got. When I asked for help with cutting, the only answer I got was that if I even tried to cut again, I'd lose him.

Like. Is that really how therapy is supposed to work?

Half of the time we just while time away, talking as if we're friends and I mean, it's a paid session. We're not very financially well off right now, what with the pandemic and everything, and we're paying him 2000 INR a week. It's a lot for us because we ain't exactly rich. That's like 10,000 INR a month.

I try to talk, I'm told that I don't stop talking and don't let him speak. When I don't speak, I'm not speaking enough. I dont feel comfortable anymore in a way that I think I should be with a therapist. I have recieved more helpful advice from actual PhD psychologists who are making videos on dealing with narcissism on YouTube. I feel more understood by them than I ever have with him. So many times I have left the session crying and hours later I'd still be stifling tears. So many times I don't feel heard and I feel like if I told him something he'd be angry. Sometimes he snaps and is like way too straightforward and it just doesn't do well with me. He doesn't support a lot of stuff that I support, like anti body shaming, especially for overweight people and stuff like LGBTQIA+ too, really. I'm mocked in an underhand way if I express that I support stuff that he doesn't really like. It's not straightforward but... I can't shake the feeling.

I do sometimes look forward to the sessions, if only because I'll have someone to talk to...but that's pretty much it. I'm not getting anything out of this. He claims that no one will understand me the way he does, and he keeps comparing my life to his, which I don't like. He says that in a way he and I both very similar and he relates to me and then proceeds to tell me about events in his life. He says that I'm his favorite client and now a good friend too, but I feel like that's not how it should be. And I do make an effort to listen to him tell me stuff about his life but...shouldn't it be the other way round?

Now I'm not saying that he is a bad person. I have loads of my own issues too; severe depression, crippling anxiety, overthinking every freaking thing, I'm like 100% sure I have complex PTSD from this childhood trauma, constant pain everywhere, crazy headaches, flashbacks, nightmares, hallucinations sometimes, and major emotion repression. I'm dealing with a million and one things right now and yes that might be causing me to feel worse about this situation than I should. I admit that I'm not exactly thinking about this in a diplomatic way...but somehow it doesn't feel right, and hence this really long post.

If you're still here, thank you so much. Your reading this is doing something that means a lot to me. Truly.

He exercises a lot, and he gave me a whole schedule to follow with the meals I should eat and the exercise I should do and somehow I never feel like I'm doing enough. If I miss out I can't tell him because he always reprimands me for messing up. I dont feel comfortable about opening up and then he forces me to do that and then when I do I don't feel better.

Lately, we'd been talking about how I need to tell my parents to their face what I feel is wrong with their actions, and how without that happening there's no point to our sessions anymore. Straight up went that if I don't talk to them on this Sunday, then we're not going to have sessions anymore.

I tried explaining to him many times how my mom will never change, how I don't want to enrage them further, how I don't want to give her more information on my life that she can use against me again...but no use.

He insisted over and over again on how she has no idea what she's doing to me, and if we just talked it out, my whole situation will be fine. This is just a huge misunderstanding.

I tried so hard to make him understand that that's not how it works for her, she doesn't want to resolve things and she'll just jump at the first chance she gets to use all my information against me, but no. I tried telling him that I have talked to her before and that I also used to think that if I just told her what they were doing wrong, then they would understand and mend their ways, I mean it took me YEARS to convince myself that it was never gonna happen! I tried it so many times and everytime I fell for this trap and everytime I regretted it but he doesn't get that! At all! That they're never gonna change!

Instead of helping me get over them, instead of telling me how to move on, instead of helping me grieve over my entire childhood... he was forcing me to talk things out with them, because if I didn't tell them I would be keeping it inside me and letting that fester would be bad.

I agree that it's not healthy for me to keep things to myself, which is why I talked to him right? And the things which are troubling me cannot be resolved with them because they refuse to change their ways!

The only thing that would come out of that family discussion is me at a disadvantage and them at an advantage by having all the latest scoop on my life and then have my mom (who is a doctor who has also done a course on CBT) psychoanalyse me even more than she does now. I'd be tailed harder. It will get worse and I know it. I've seen it and I promised myself that I would never make the same mistake of opening up to them honestly ever again. And here Sam wanted me to that very thing.

And I agreed initially, I tried convincing myself that maybe it'll work out and after all, Sam will be defending me and everything (even though he did say he would support them if he found them correct) but I didn't feel good about it. I remembered that a therapist is supposed to make you feel more at ease and let you take your own time to process through things and never force a client to do something if they had doubts about it.

And so I texted him today, and I refused. He said we won't have any more sessions, but I said it's fine. Because I don't want to go to him anymore anyway. I think I would rather have no one to talk to, than have someone belittle my experiences and just overall make me feel worse than I did when I first entered the session.

There's more stuff that was related to this, and if you guys want to know something before making your judgement of this situation, please please please ask me, message me, but please just have a bird's eye view on this whole thing and tell me if I made the right decision...please.

I would really appreciate some feedback right now.

Thank you so,so much for sticking with me till the end of this post. It means the world to me, honestly. I couldn't thank you more.