#even tho sunny isn't in any of these lol

[plant-sim]

And they were three :'>

[friesforfriday]

A real first kiss (Matt Murdock x F!Reader / College AU)

Summary: You tell Matt no one has ever kissed you out of love. He makes sure to correct that.

Wordcount: 2.5K ish

Warnings/Tags: No use of y/n, reader uses she/her pronouns (no physical descriptions aside from that), college AU, Matt and reader are both in law school, some angst, something that could be read as dissociation (reader feels disconnected to an experience), reader is not straight? (no sexual orientation specified but there's an interaction that is not heterosexual / only kissing tho), comfort at the end (bc I am a sucker for happy endings lol)

A/N: This was oddly personal, and while it’s a little short it was very therapeutic to write. Pretty much wanted to do something that related to being a late bloomer (like I have been my whole life) plus some fluff (: Please take into account that this wasn't proof read and that English isn't my first language; if you happen to see any mistakes, do let me know so I can fix them. Hope you enjoy this!

For most people, their first kiss was usually a memory of their early teenage years, maybe even a childhood one. You could recall the stories your friends have told you. On sunny days during summer camp, connections were born after swimming in a lake all afternoon. Laughter scattered in open fields or forests between games of capture the flag. That turned into late-night conversations, sneaking out from each other’s cabin after curfew to meet under the starry sky. 

Or perhaps it started out as a hallway crush. The kind that you would keep between friends and hid under silly codenames. It stirred up giggling after locking eyes during the free period, and guess what maybe it turned out they’d been watching you all along. Maybe later a study date would into something more when if your knuckles brushed accidentally.

All very innocent and sweet, most likely a terrible kiss, but nevertheless a story worth remembering.

There were plenty more stories you could think of, from childhood friends turned to high school sweethearts and plenty about games of truth or dare or spin the bottle. For some, their first kiss was meaningless, sometimes an embarrassing story they liked to joke about or occasionally a heartwarming one.

Throughout the years, you had patiently waited for your turn. You didn’t have many expectations of how it would actually happen, you just held on for the moment to finally occur. It just never did. 

Middle school rolled by, which was fine, right? A lot of people need more time to grow into themselves, it would eventually happen, you were sure. Maybe it wasn’t going to be one of those awkward extended pecks that your friends said seemed to last forever. They insisted it was for the best, no one really knows what they’re doing when they still haven’t even fully hit puberty. If you had your first kiss later in life, there was a higher chance it wasn’t going to be completely awful. You could deal with that; high school was supposed to be more exciting a new chance to expand your circle. 

Unfortunately, once again, you stood waiting. By this point, it was possible that maybe you had watched too many rom-coms or read one too many romance novels. You’re sure now that it helped in no way to ease your expectations. How difficult could it be? You saw it all. Your best friends got into relationships, went on dates, celebrated anniversaries, and had their hearts broken, only to survive them and start all over again. Kids in your classes, the kind to never speak their minds, suddenly grew into themselves and found their people too. 

During lunchtime, couples sat next to each other, holding hands in the cafeteria. Field trips meant seeing impromptu make-out sessions in the back of the school bus. Your friends received proposals for homecoming and eventually proms; always happy to invite you to come along when you didn’t receive any. At the occasional party you attended, you sat in corners watching as others were approached. Not once came anyone to strike up a conversation, to casually sweep you off your feet. You stood by wondering if you were doing something, anything, wrong.

Love was everywhere, just never in your life.

You’d be lying to say it didn’t hurt your self-esteem. How come it never happened to you? Were you really that unattractive or uninteresting or whatever it could actually be for no one to be interested in you? No matter how many times your friends, or anyone who found out really, assured you weren’t the problem, the evidence seemed to point elsewhere. 

It took you approximately one year of college to decide it had been enough. Would anyone genuinely ever like you? Maybe you truly were a late bloomer, but c’mon, those “the right person will find you when you least expect it” pep talks were starting to feel like bullshit. For fucks sake, it didn’t even matter anymore if they actually liked you, you just wanted to get it over with. It turned out, it wasn’t fun winning a round of never have I ever when you had to admit, and insist, that you had never kissed anyone no, not even a small peck.

The matter was taken into your own hands on a Saturday night. The crowded spaces doing you no favors to appease your social anxiety. As you walked around, room after room was filled to the brim with strangers, your friends nowhere to be found. The floor of the frat house they had dragged you to remained particularly sticky everywhere you went, especially in the kitchen where you had stopped to refill the red plastic cup in your hands.

Pouring rum into your glass full of coke, a familiar voice called your name from across the room, “Oh my God, is that really you?”

Greetings were exchanged, as well as short debriefings of what you’d been up to since graduating. For all the time you’d been at Columbia, that was the first time you’d run into a person from your old hometown. Soon enough you were sitting in a half-empty deck, reminiscing about middle school. The green eyes that looked at you weren’t full of love or lust, one of those odd friendships that stood awkwardly close to an acquaintance, and you suddenly knew you had an opportunity laid at your feet.

It was hard to approach the subject. In all honesty, you weren’t looking for romance anymore. Looking at him, you recalled all the times you joked around in Literature class or the times his parents gave you a ride home before you inevitably grew apart in high school. There was no spark when your knees brushed in the small sofa you were sitting in; but there was no discomfort either, so against your better judgement you decided to go for it.

By all means, it was a good kiss. If you were honest, there wasn’t anything else to compare it to, but none of the complaints you’d heard before happened. There wasn’t any unnecessary clash of teeth, it didn’t feel like he was shoving his tongue down your throat, he kept his hands safely and softly cupping your cheeks and neck. According to all the standards of all of your girlfriends, this was an A+ experience.

By the time you were heading home, you found yourself finally able to check having your first kiss off your bucket list.

Unfortunately, though, when you shared the news over the phone with your best friend, you realized that while everything had seemingly gone smoothly, you still felt empty inside. Like nothing had really changed. It was hard to put into words, how your body had felt out of its own, or maybe it was your mind that was playing tricks on you. Because for some reason, you hadn’t really felt there when it happened. It just sort of seemed to occur.

“You’re kidding, right?” Matt’s face was dead serious.

Letting out a giggle you said, “Why would I be kidding about that?”

“That jerk was your first kiss?”

“He’s not a jerk,” you tried to defend yourself, but he didn’t let you continue.

“He’s a conservative, Republican-governor-wannabe, how is he not–”

“He wasn’t back then!” Raising your tone, you simply burst out laughing at the same time Matt did, because yeah – that dude did end up becoming a jerk. Except it didn’t really matter because you were never into him, and you can’t blame former middle school classmates for who they end up becoming.

“But he is now.”

You both kept laughing, shoulders brushing as you sat on the bed on his side of the dorm room. Foggy had ditched you both for tonight, opting out of your usual weekend hangout in favor of a date with someone called Marci, or so he’d said.

“It doesn’t matter,” you said in your defense, lightly shoving his shoulder with your own. “I didn’t actually like him.”

“Wait…” Matt said scrunching his nose in disbelief, the laughter slowly dying down, “What are you talking about, why'd you kiss him then?”

With his face suddenly turned in your direction, you felt a little embarrassed to admit the truth. “I guess… I just wanted to get it over with.”

An apologetic smile was what he offered in return, with no real judgment behind it. “Well, you should’ve gotten something better... silly as it may be, you know... not just anyone.”

His words stop you in your tracks for a split second, a bittersweet feeling creeping up your chest. You’d never actually considered it, but in the years that had passed since that night, you didn’t recall that any other single kiss you’d received had actually been born from real love or any true feelings at all. 

There was that one time you hit it off with someone at a friend’s birthday. The light conversation between the colorful lights had you blushing more than usual. Their body was warm against yours when their lips were pressed to your own. The taste of their lip balm was sweet, almost sugary on your tongue, but it was all a spur-of-the-moment situation. While, unlike the first time, where you’d felt disconnected from your body, this time you’d actually enjoyed it. There was a warm feeling, maybe happiness, but definitely not affection and surely not love.

Then there were some other guys, whom you had very much liked. They listened to you and talked eagerly with you every time you bumped into each other, yet never actually asked you out. They flirted with you or had their friends act as their wingmen to eventually end up making out with you during random parties, but never – you realized – not one single time had anyone ever been interested in you affectionately, with tenderness or sincerity.

As if on cue, as if he could somehow sense what you were thinking, Matt broke the sudden silence that had grown in the room. “I didn’t mean to overstep I–”

You shook your head, breaking free from your thoughts, “No, no, I just… I don’t think I’ve ever had a…” Your voice quieted down before you could finish the sentence. While you weren’t ashamed of any of your experiences anymore, you couldn’t quite seem to get rid of the lingering pain that followed all of them.

“A real connection?”

Your eyes darted up to look at Matt; red glasses were shielding his eyes from yours, but did not cover the furrow of concern between his brows. It wasn’t a secret to Matt that you’d never been in a relationship. You’d told him at some point, during one of the many late-night conversations you enjoyed having. He’d found it hard to believe, truly, how anyone would pass on the chance of earning your trust. The thing was, anyone willing to pass on your endless compassion, your particular sense of humor, the softness of your skin, or the brilliance of your mind was a jackass, and he sure as hell wasn’t one.

He’d known you all of law school, at least all year and a half you’d both taken of it, although to him it might as well be a lifetime because he couldn’t quite picture a time when he didn’t recognize the sound of your heartbeat by memory. Right from the day you sat next to him in the Civil Procedures course, it took him no time to think of an excuse to talk to you, ignoring Foggy – who was also sitting next to him – to ask you if you’d care to study together someday.

Here and now, your very same heartbeat thumped loudly mere inches away from him. The opportunity he had once longed for.

“C’mon man, you gotta tell her at some point” was what Foggy had told him a few hours prior, before he’d left you two alone on purpose. “She obviously likes you, for real. It’s time.”

“I don’t know, Foggy. I don’t want to pressure her, what if she doesn’t want to be anything more than friends? I–”

“Oh my God, Matt! Are you being serious?” He said in a mock tone, “You don’t want to pressure her? She has completely memorized the way you take your tea and somehow prepares it perfectly in the shitty dining hall microwave. She genuinely prefers spending every Saturday night holed up in our dorm or out at Josie’s or pretty much anywhere just to sit next to you. She literally looks at you with stars in her eyes.”

Chuckling, Matt did his best to play coy, “Well, I can’t know about that last part–”

“You know what I mean. You have to tell her, tonight.” Foggy insisted as he made his way out of the dorm room; he pointed his finger at Matt before he fully headed out, “God forbids you actually pursue something that might make you happy. I’ll be over at Marci’s, don’t wait up for me…”

So yeah, Matt knew what he had to do. “I think I’d like to object to that… if that’s okay with you.”

At your silence– aside from the way your heartbeat continued to pick up – he proceeded, “You don’t really think there isn’t a single soul who’d honestly care for you, do you?”

His hand slowly moved from where it rested atop his lap. His knuckles gently brushed your knee and grazed your hand, guiding themselves with the line of your arm all the way up until they reached your shoulder. A small smile grew on your face and quickly turned into laughter. “Matt, are you serious?”

“I’m sorry it took me this long to tell you.” In a second, he mirrored your laughter, nodding his head. He felt the warmth of your fingers cover his other hand. “Is it okay if I– can I kiss you?”

If you recalled correctly, no one had ever asked you that, in all of your lifetime. Surely, for you, this was a first of its kind.

As soon as you said yes, dexterous fingers slid around your waist, gently coaxing you towards him, before taking off his glasses. Your body didn’t resist complying, the warmth of Matt’s chest as inviting as the feeling of his heartbeat against yours, your legs at ease around his own. 

The stubble across his neck gently brushed against your fingers, a tingling sensation that almost sent shivers down your spine. This close, there was no escaping the soft smell of soap and cinnamon from his skin or the way his breath fanned across your face. Warmth grew inside your chest as you felt the soft brush of his lips on yours, almost melting together. It was slow and languid, much like honey trickling down your tongue. You were sure it could be just as sweet too, a kind of feeling you had never felt before. 

A feeling you guessed was reciprocated if the rumble that reverberated through Matt’s throat was anything to go by. He couldn’t tell why he had waited so long to do this; all of his excuses gone the second the softest skin of your mouth met his. As far as he knew, he could stay with you like this for hours. He didn’t want to pressure you– not even when your breathing got a little faster or when your lips parted oh-so-gently to let him seek out your taste– but this much he could do.

The only reason he found to pull back was to ask you, catching his breath and brushing his thumb over your lower lip, “Does this mean I can take you out tomorrow night? We can do this properly.”

You smiled to yourself, “Only if you kiss me like that again.”

If you're here, thank you so much for reading!!! Please please please let me know what you thought - all feedback is appreciated- and consider reblogging if possible (:

[slimeranch7]

Imagine you being Ei's past lover who died during the cataclysm and Ei thinks it's because of her, she failed to protect you.

But now she found you again. You might not remember her, but she remembers you, how could she not? Well, she'll just make sure you do. She'll keep you trapped safe with her for eternity and she'll do her best to do that 💜

Even if she'll have to do it in hard and questionable ways...

How are you doing? I hope you're doing fine! :D

Waiting for your Lumine writing patiently

- Sage Anon

Whoops it's been a while sage anon hope u haven't dropped me LOL i don't blame u if you did tho

Content warnings: dead dove (?)

-----

The cataclysm didn't discriminate. It tore apart families, friends, companions, almost even nations. Death became such a norm that there weren't nearly enough people to bury the sheet amount of corpses before disease began to root in camps. Instead, they had them incinerated in a giant bonfire every night.

Raiden ei stood so close to the fire, one night, but no one dared disturb her even if her clothes risked scorching and her skin suffered burns. It's not like she could feel it, anyway, with how terribly numbing the casualty report had been to listen to.

The only comfort she had later in the privacy of her own tent was her sister, and a retired blade next to makoto's musou isshin. Regretfully, nothing would ever warm the cold pillow next to hers. Her silent, tearful promise of eternity falls to no one.

And that's the burden she lived with, on top of her sister's passing shortly after, for the next five hundred years. She is no leader, so she often finds herself turning to an old, fading portrait of her beloved general's smile when she can no longer find reason in herself.

-----

For a long while, no one dared impeach on Ei's stubborn pursuit in eternity.

But despite it all, she bends to her own whims at times and sneaks glances into the mortal realm.

To her shock, you stood before a group of children in a humble village, demonstrating a pitiful wooden replica of a sword as they watched in awe.

Your stance, graceful and poised as ever.

Your voice, calm and soothing, just as she liked it.

Your smile, gentle and patient, just as the first time you taught her how to love.

It's like a dream, when she warily approaches you, heart in her throat and too much pressure in her head.

What would she say? Should she hug you with five hundred years worth of grief? Tell you the things she wishes she had said? Would you remember her?

Are you even the same person she once knew?

It's laughable, how naive an archon could be.

Ei isn't angry. She isn't surprised. She shouldn't even be disappointed by the outcome.

Yet when she calmly approaches from the treeline after you've dismissed your students, her heart shatters at how you politely smiled her way.

The way you'd greet a passing stranger.

Not the way you'd wordlessly cup her face between your hands like she was the world when she needed it most.

It serves as a punishing reminder that it'll never be the same, that you'll never be the same, that you'll never look at her the way she did all those years ago.

Then, Ei decided she didn't need love, or affection, or any of that temporary nonsense.

Her mission is eternity.

-----

The Raiden shogun is as cold as her people say.

You don't dare to speak unless addressed directly, and her words are few. It doesn't help that you're taken care more often by her tight lipped servants than your own wife.

One sunny day, when she seemed particularly... Content, you spent all morning planning your question carefully.

It comes out as a pitiful, blubbering mess, lacking any formality. Nothing like the elegance and grace that should be expected from the spouse of the amighty shogun herself.

"Why... Why do you keep me here?" You keep your gaze downcast, but you can see from the corner of your eye, from her shadow, that she pauses in the midst of bringing up her teacup.

She pauses, air turning thick and heavy. You're no expert, but something about what you said brought up unpleasant memories for her.

She is frosty as ever when she answers you. "A means to an end," A mere mortal would not understand.

"Just another step I must take," But you can hear it, a solemn ode to nostalgia and heartbreak.

"A promise, if you will," A cry for redemption.

"A pursuit for eternity."

[ryker-writes]

Hi Ryker! Congrats on 1.2K, I found this lil guy who wants to give you flowers for the occasion :’)

I’m interested on who you’ll match me with *wiggles eyebrows* so here’s some info on me:

- My likes: fashion, rom-com and Disney movies, superheroes, shoujo anime and manga, fruit tea, kids (like babysitting them), sunny weather, hot fictional men (don’t we all?)

- Idk if favorite foods is part of likes or helps you with knowing me better but I love pastas, chicken, trying foods from various cultures

- My dislikes: soggy socks (like when it rains 😭), reaaally spicy food (my spice tolerance is WEAK), the gym, driving

- Some of my hobbies: cosplaying, writing fanfics, drawing and digital art. I’m not great at cooking but I’m learning lol

- Physical or personality preferences: for physical, I’d prefer someone taller than me but they don’t have to be (I’m 5’5”). For personality, I’d prefer someone who’s a good leader, good at looking after others, and good at giving advice to people. Someone who’s wise and both street-smart and book-smart. Someone who is self-confident and knows their worth. Someone who also isn’t afraid to tell the truth or say it like it is even if it can hurt or sound mean (basically someone who isn’t a people pleaser). Someone who, even if we don’t share the same hobbies or interests, is willing to learn about my interests like I’d be willing to learn about theirs. Also I’d prefer someone around the same age as me cuz I’m 21 and most of the TWST cast are under 18 😭 (if you have a first or second year in mind for me, I wouldn’t mind a platonic match up instead :0)

- My love languages: I think my two biggest ones are quality time and words of affirmation, and the ones I’d prefer a partner to have are quality time and gift giving

BETTY HI! Also based off what you told me, I can see a lot of connection to Leona lmao, but! I have another alternative that my brain likes (and I hope you don't completely hate ;-;)

"Betty! Of course! Now the obvious choice would be Leona. He checks off most of the boxes, but I think there's someone else out there who also would work really well!

Let me tell you about you and Vil!"

Okay okay so like I said, I think Vil also checks a lot of those boxes! He's not Leona, but based off what you told me, I think you two would actually do really well together! Now onto my little thoughts about you two :3

Fashion? Cosplay? Vil is all about that

he would help you adjust your cosplays if needed but also do makeup or give you any tips he can

if you want to promote your fashion and cosplay on social media you have his full support and will probably have over a thousand followers within a day

if not tho, he doesn't mind telling you good it looks on his own

Vil gets food from all around the world all the time and he has no problem sharing with you too so you get to try all sorts of new foods all the time

i don't know why but my brain is envisioning a beach date with the two of you relaxing in the sun with fruit tea

and this depends on personal taste of course but hot fictional men? I think Vil fits

he also fits most of your preferences!

we all know Vil can be brutally honest, but he pays good attention to those around him and that especially includes you

if something is wrong, he's the type to immediately notice and (maybe subtly) ask about it

Vil knows a little bit about a lot of things so there's a chance he already knows a little bit about your interests!

but that doesn't mean he isn't willing to learn more of course

he'll listen to you talk about anime, manga, or art any time of day

Now, he's a busy man so quality time with his partner also means a lot to him!

even if you're both doing your own thing, he loves spending time with you and he's still paying attention to you (even if he doesn't always seem like it)

he will also buy you all sorts of clothing and things he thinks are fashionable ✨

(Leona pls spare me)

[arklayraven]

I checked out the drama on twitter and the whole thing is blown out of proportion. That person only left one comment on the artist's post and then also apologized for any misunderstanding. I personally see the relationship between Asmodeus and Solomon as abusive after the screenshots you posted. It's not queerphobic to not want to see abusive relationships and I think this kind of representation does more harm than good.

God I really wish I could ignore this but can't...I hope I get my words out right here because lol feeling emotions high rn.

Blown out of proportion? The person literally is queerphobic clearly and transphobic at that too by the looks of things.

I'm keeping this person's identity hidden because I have some kindness still even in such situations...but how can you see this as not a issue? Take note as well, these are AFTER the apology they gave to the artist...

They say 'differing opinions' but what they are clearly showing is just pure queerphobia at best here.

Also, if you have a issue with someone's art. ship art or not. DON'T. COMMENT. ON. IT.

Keep it to yourself, or post your personal opinion on your separate post. Don't respond with negative comments over anyones art.

Also their apology is pointless to me at this point if this is how they responded afterwards.

As well about the whole damn Solomon and Asmo situation. Yes, their relationship isn't perfect. god I still don't support them as a ship personally myself much. Because of my clear reasons I stated many times before.

But I ain't gonna personally go after people over it and post shitty comments on their arts or fics involving them as a ship. Yes, you, and anyone, is allowed to dislike them as a pairing. But actions like, like this person has shown, when it comes to a damn ship, one that is very queer. Is just not excusable, even if you personally don't like the ship. Just blacklist, block, ignore and move on. Simple as that.

Also...God I've seen this talk many times over.

Not every display of queer relationships in fiction or media is gonna be perfect or has to be. Any relationship in such media can often come with their own issues and problems in story telling. But to say every display of queer pairing has to be just pure and good to be counted as 'good' rep. Really isn't okay? Like yes we'll like to see some queer relationships in media be shown in positive lights only. But some of us also like some dark, complicated and just fucked up shit too. Because that's the beauty of art and fiction. It can be either bright and sunny, or dark and stormy in story telling.

This of course, won't be for everyone, no duh, but its good to have different interpretations and options to explore and see. Freedom of creativity pretty much. Even if not everyone will be in agreement of some of those expressions of creativity.

Also its kinda harmful to want to see just queer relationships in media in just a pure light. I get what you're aiming for, but that's like saying characters like Deadpool, Loki, Harley Quinn, the whole damn cast of WWDITS, etc. Are all not valid queer rep in media because they are all complicated or show problematic stuff compared to the just happy bubbly queer rep pairings in other media.

All queer rep is valid rep. No matter if they have problematic stuff or not.

And even tho Asmo and Solomon relationship, if you see it as a pairing, isn't the perfect display of positive queer relationship rep in OM. It's still damn valid and important to a lot of people in the fandom and community.

For out of all the brothers, Asmo, is by far, the only on to truly show his queerness more openly than others. Yet because its not a perfect interpretation to some people when it comes with Solomon...Some want to see that now gone. And honestly...that's not okay. It's just censorship at that point and I'm against that shit.

Their relationship can be improved and fixed in time, I want to cling to hope it will in time. As og OM has apparently shown they did improve things between them in time...

So I hope in NB it turns out the same, even tho the writers clearly messed things up with writing from canon past information to present...

But no matter if its still a messy display for relationship. This is a rep that shouldn't be thrown away or seen as not valid, just because it doesn't fit some peoples personal likes and standards.

[pigidin]

I just randomly had a mood for sunkissed 😭

They're in qp, your honor 😋

Hcs below ↓↓↓

Kel was named Kelsey and is afab, but at the age of 6 he told his parents that he didn't feel as it was truly his name, as it gave him too much of a specific-gender feeling.

He also told them that he wanted to be everything, not sth specific, so parents even encouraged shortening the name to Kel, as they used to call him this way in the childhood as it was hard for him to spell the whole name properly (mild dyspraxia).

Kel mostly expresses masculinity (still thinking if to hc them t-masc) but as he got to know more about gender from Basil, he is fond of exploring his gender widely, adding more both androgynous and feminine features to his look, so now he's really keen on this. Basically is panpronominal, is occasionally ok with being referred to as Kalsey (so it can't really be considered deadname ig), but still prefers Kel.

As for Basil, it was a very difficult birth for them and they were not even named as well as not assigned as any gender; only later the parents decided to do it (afab + bailey) and in the end parents abandoned them completely.

Polly was wonderful and started to tell them more about everything in the world and they became interested in LGBT, started to learn more about themselves and discover gender. Basil is a pro, like a real pro in all queer stuff. They were actually the one who helped Kel and Sunny be more free in their bodies and encouraged them to be more open about expression.

It's actually Basil's coping: explore gender instead of dreadful guilt and depression they face; while Kel knows everything on trend-stuff, Basil is more familiar with sorta-selfdiscovering-things.

Sunny is intersex and was assigned at birth as one but just hates telling people he's axab(sry if this word isn't rlly right),,, nd sry for internalized phobia, but he hates his body sm..

Basil and Kel try to help him overcome this tho.

Sunny's kinda afraid to be more free, choosing to wear the same clothing for huge periods of time, but tries hard to beat the anxiety of outer world.

It's strange for Sunny to be agender, but he just hates everything binary and not, actually. It's not about being phobic towards sb else, but just to himself exclusively.

Sunny still wears two ponytails when he feels like it bc fem!omori concepts are stuck in me yk lol

brief qp thing^^ Sunny and Basil were in 'undeclared' qp before mari stuff, cuz they were really close to each other. They like shared everything with each other, and Sunny considered Basil his best-bestfriend. At the same point of time Sunny developed an interest of emotional subtext to Kel, but they remained good friends, and it basically was ok for both of them. Their connection wasn't that big as between Basil and Sunny, yet Sunny incredibly measured Kel and the feeling was mutual. Them three got together a few years after the ending of game, and immediately grow extremely close to each other. Sunny was attending therapy, but had still a lot to change. The same goes with Basil, who also was seeing a doctor. Kel never really thought about getting help, but having Basil and Sunny by his side and trying to open up, he understood that his optimism often becomes quite unhealthy, so he wanted to concur his own demons as well.

[scurvyratt]

Something I've been thinking about lately is Arab Muslim hypocrisy and Arab Muslim supremacy. It's just really funny to me how Arab Muslims (OBVI not all of them🙄🙄🙄. I'm saying in general) basically do not gaf about anyone but themselves lol. They will go on and on about how we are all "one Ummah" blah blah blah,, but that's just an empty statement that doesn't translate into their actions or even words.

There are millions of South Asian, South East Asian, African, etc. Muslims who have protested and donated for Palestine. Meanwhile Arabs barely say anything about atrocities that occur to other groups of Muslims. Maybe a couple months ago you could find Arabs posting or making statements about Sudan,, but now? Yeah, good luck finding an Arab who cares lol.

But you can break this down even further to discuss division within Arab Muslims themselves. The same sunni Muslims who despise Zionism and are protesting for Palestine, also think that Saddam Hussein was a good person and pray for him to go to heaven. "He did nothing wrong! Killing shias isn't bad because they are kuffar! There's no innocent shia!". Like how are you anyyyy different from a Zionist lol. Even a few months ago when Israel bombed a shia neighborhood in Lebanon, you could find lot's of Arabs saying something along the lines of "Okay I guess Israel isn't so bad after all🤣". It's just so ridiculous like I don't even have any further thoughts on the subject. All I can say is wtf...

Okay the other thing I wanted to talk about was Arab Muslim supremacy. Arabs, due to things like colonialism, imperialism, slavery, racism, etc. have turned Islam into a very exclusionary and stratified religion. Arabs try to force every non Muslim Arab group to conform to Arab culture and to speak Arabic. Like no, don't wear your traditional clothes, wear a abaya. Don't give your kid a name from your own culture and language, give them an Arabic name. No, you're not allowed to say Ramzan, you have to pronounce it as "Ramadan", the proper and correct Arabic way... And of course if any non Arab speaks up about this the Arabs lose it and become extremely defensive in the comments. "It's not Arab supremacy, it's just Islam! You have to follow these rules according to the Qur'an!!!".

Which leads into my other problem which is Arabs denying other ethnic groups experiences with Arab supremacy, discrimination, and racism. You can ask any non Arab who attends a majority Arab mosque about their experiences and they will have some insane stories to tell you. Arabs not sharing food with them, being scared of them for being black, not being allowed to pray in front of an Arab because they consider you beneath them, being shunned from groups, being shamed for not speaking Arabic, etc. I've even heard white Muslim converts say that Arabs have been extremely rude to them because they don't know Arabic or the religion?? Again, if anyone speaks up about this Arabs will immediately start denying, denying, denying. Don't ask any of those Arabs about the kafala system or who built the stadiums for the 2022 FIFA World Cup or who cleaned their families home back in Lebanon tho... Anyways I just don't get it. How can you tell MILLIONS of people that they're lying about discrimination lol.

I actually typed this up the other day in a fit of annoyance but decided not to post because it felt incomplete. But last night my mom was watching a vid of a dude going around and interviewing random Arab Muslims in Dearborn, and some of them were like "may Allah bless all Arabs!!!.... and other Muslims". And I actually snorted irl because that's exactly what I'm talking about. Non Arab Muslims are just an afterthought to these people like lol.

So anyways in conclusion I suppose, idk why Arab Muslims expect and demand sympathy from the rest of the Muslim world when they simply do not gaf about anyone else lol. (Again, not all Arabs🙄, but it's enough that something needs to be said. Like Arabs need to speak up about this and stop denying reality).

[annoyingfobbie]

what are your opinions on seasons tho

ohhhhhh boy i have STRONG opinions.

I'll go in the order by which they happen in the year:

winter is fucking evil. everything about it. the shorter days feel so suffocating and also i never get nearly enough sunlight bc i'm at school for like the only six hours that the sun is actually out. snow is miserable and terrible. it's like water that just stays there. like a flood but for some reason people like it??? it makes the roads icy and then when it starts to melt a little it gets super disgusting and sludgy and if goes into your shoes and soaks your socks and its hard to walk through. Also I like hate hate hate wearing layers. I cant do it. Something about the texture or feeling idk but I even find it difficult to have a blanket over me if I’m wearing clothes, so coats and jackets and stuff are torture. Also just in general I like to be wearing short sleeves and short pants as often as possible. it's comfier. and also winter is fucking COLD all the TIME which is MISERABLE but then you step inside and suddenly it's warm and you have to take off all your layers quickly before you have a heat stroke, and even then you're probably wearing thick long pants and shirt sleeves so you're still all sweaty! and the wind is MISERABLE when it's cold out. feels like it's attacking you. and the cold like freezes your fucking muscles until you can't MOVE!

Spring is when it finally starts getting warm, which is always a huge relief to me. things are looking up! it tends to be humid and rainy which isn't the best, but i'll take it over winter ANY day. the plants are starting to bloom too which is nice.

Summer is the best of all time ever. it's finally HOT!! And i can get all that wonderful sunlight!! I love getting some sun, dude, it's, like, a religious experience. just walking about in the summer is the best feeling ever. everything is nice and sunny and the plants are thriving and the days feel so long and the nights are warm and pleasant and you can hear the birds chirping and shit and you can get ice cream and sit outside with your friends and just hang out for hours. summer just feels like it's giving you permission to be lazy. like, cold weather makes your muscles all stiff, but hot weather kind of just melts you and makes you all languid and lazy in the best way. and i love summer clothes! short shorts and crop tops are great for someone like me who likes wearing minimal clothing lol. and then of course school is out and since i'm still only 18 and haven't gotten a job yet, that means I get a three month break from that shit, which is awesome.

Fall is difficult for me to have a solid opinion on. On one hand, Halloween is my favorite time of year ever, and as someone who practices witchcraft, fall vibes are impeccable. but it also means that summer is over which is very sad. Fall is when people start wearing layers and long pants and sleeves and shit which sucks too, but at least it's not as cold as winter. overall I think that if it weren't for the vibes and halloween I would probably hate fall almost as much as winter, but as it is I do not necessarily hate it, although i don't love it.

[potatotrash0]

Awakened Hajime AU I like to think about: He has electricity/lightning/storm powers. This came from the electricity bolt things that come off of him in the last chapter when he Awakens (if that's the right term lol). This is completely just for fun, not fully fleshed out, and I'd like to share it :)

He only gets the powers as Awakened, which is sorta like a different form he can transform into. Nothing much changes, other than getting electric powers or smth and being overall more inspirational lol ( +the obvious appearance changes). He can only access this mode for an hour or so a day. This form/power is only unlocked when he Awakens (there's that term again- someone lmk if theres some other way I should refer to it or if this is right.)

He uses this post-apocalypse to power places and stuff, it's super helpful and nobody really questions it for some reason (except for kaz as a mechanic, who knows that's not how any of that works??? Wh-???). He also can instantly recharge things, which Chiaki LOVES (also yes chiaki absolutely exists in this. She has a robot vessel izuru and kaz made that her ai was transferred to so shes still alive in some way. You can't take her away from me not yet no)

He can travel via... lighting... or smth. I imagine him summoning a lightning bolt and disappearing into it, then wherever he wanted to go to another bolt would strike down and he would reappear (even on perfectly sunny days without any clouds or anything-- hes magic it's ok it works). Since this is new to him tho he still hasn't mastered the landing (classic) and lands flat on his face every time, occasionally accidentally on top of someone he wasn't planning on standing there. The worst thing that happens to said someone is being shocked a bit from the remaining electricity and being crushed by Hajime (but I'm sure that theres a s p e c i f i c person that may not mind that so much though-- ajxkwkld)

Nekomaru is immune to this power for because 1. I love him and no harm shall be done to him, and 2. His eyebrows look like they could totally discharge the electricity away from him and back into the sky or smth ajxowkld as I said this is purely for fun and isn't fleshed out or serious.

Not only can he make storms, but he can also destroy/move storms. This is helpful for the rebuilding of the world post-apocalypse, because he can keep so many natural disasters away from construction sites and such.

Aysiskkd have fun tumblr I hope this isnt too silly for yall!!! Enjoy!!! :D

Bold of you to assume Kazuichi wouldn’t simply go “that’s so sick??????” and proceed to gush about it for an hour. If anything Mikan is the concerned one bc the human body does not work like that and she’s so concerned please let her check it out if only for her own peace of mind—

I can just see Chiaki zipping to Hajime’s side and just holding up her game system while the low battery warning flashes in her eyes and he just resigns himself to chilling out in the restaurant and holding onto her charging cord like he’s a walking power bank dkcnskdnkdbc. (He does get kusamochi as payment dw)

[blueboltkatana]

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

GUrll ur so sexy... Like you're Hot. I don't care if you were bullied in school, you're sexy, they lied.

Also bitch I KNEW i related to you too much our ascendants are both in leo we're so hot.

Ok ok no now I'll stop complimenting and start with the roasting here we go:

So the sun is your sense of "self" it represents you on the more base level i guess you could say, like what most people think you're like is represented by your sun. With Sagittarius being your sun it means you're very energetic Especially for those things you are passionate about, you might have gone through a LOT of hobbies, only a few of them stuck around but you like to try things. You're curious about the way people's minds works, you wanna figure them out. If the conversations you have don't involve some form of psychoanalysis or philosophy you might loose interest. You are a Talker, maybe you talk very fast or you are often told to lower your voice but you don't do it on purpose you're just very very animated. You are kina volatile, in the sense that you value freedom in everything, love, work, hobbies. You have a huge rebellious streak and you kinda like testing your luck. Think adrenaline junkie. It's cliché but with this much Sagittarius in your chart you prob love traveling, like i said you will chase freedom because you associate it with happiness. If you find people that make you feel free then you feel happy. Rules don't go well with you. You don't really like being involved with fights per se but you LOVE debating, if you can beat a motherfucker with nothing but facts and logic you will and you will enjoy it.

Your way of flirting or making friends is "lowkey bullying" or my favourite "verbally throwing hands". If they shoot back you get heart eyes (my mars in sag agrees). You can be tactless as fuck tho. Like you will say some outrageous shit that MIGHT be funny if the timing is right or MIGHT make everyone in a 5 mile radius mad.

I NEED to talk about your moon in sag bc Babe, babe the moon tells us about our emotions and how we deal with them, how we express them and how they shape us. But BABE. Sagittarius moons are so bad at comforting people it's embarrassing, trying to make them think of smth else or do smth else to distract from the situation is NOT a good way to deal with your emotions... Avoiding your emotions like the plague is not gonna invent a vaccine... Saying "everything is fine :)" DOESN'T MAKE ANYTHING FINE PLEASE GO TO THERAPY. ok to give you some credit, you don't let shit bring you down, no matter what you always get up and that is a *strength* that i admire, but love you're burning the candle at both ends, especially if you get yourself in More problems by trying to distract yourself from One problem.

Also you've had a horsegirl phase or a dog obsession phase or both huh. AND your love language is sarcasm but the type that you will make someone laugh when you're insulting them. You're also hilarious irl you're prob the "funny friend" but with that scorpio mars and venus baby inside ur sad and dark as fuck ripp.

I also wanted to talk about your mercury in sag... Babe... Do you know what a brain to mouth filter IS?! do you recognize that word?!?! Cuz you have never used yours i think. Like you are hilarious but that's because you have dolphins in the head cavity baby. Not trying to say you're stupid, you're actually very smart and opinionated, probably have been told that you'd be a great lawyer or smth. But miss gurl please think before you speak for the love of god ur gonna make someone cry. Also ur mouth is foul. Have you ever spoken a sentence without a "fuck" or a "cunt" somewhere in there?! God bless.

Now for your scorpio Venus I'm just gonna say, more confirmation that ur Sexy as Fuck, scorpio venuses are just sexy, amazing partners, VERY passionate, whoever dates you will never forget you, for better or for worse you'll forever be on the back of their mind. You had a harsh emo phase huh, maybe loved some obscure shit like witchcraft or just love dressing all black like someone's mother died, i bet you wear silver jewelry a lot, maybe necklaces or rings or chockers. If this isn't how you dress now it was prob a major phase in your life. Or maybe you just love horror movies idk

Being as passionate as you are you don't take well to being mistreated or lied to, you might like to plot revenge and things like those, you wouldn't do anything... You actually prefer letting things go but you WILL make an elaborate scenario in your head at 3am or even as you stare right in the persons face.

With mars in scorpio you might be kinda passive aggressive, maybe you act like things don't really bother you but you throw a comment or two once in a while just to stir the pot bc you can't move on lmfao.

You are attracted to people that are introverts or generally just mysterious, like i said above the nature of the Sagittarius is to Learn and to Study. People that you can't immediately figure out intrigue you. All your crushes are either on geminis or water signs lmfao.

The best careers for you are the ones that allow you some freedom of either movement or expression and something that can keep your mind from flying away, something that keeps you intrigued, like research or writing. You're a very "all or nothing" person and it can sometimes scare people away, i advise you to work on compromising, being less stubborn and more open with your emotions and desires.

(part one bc I'm taking too long and I don't wanna keep you waiting so much) I'll reblog this with part 2

Alright here we go part 2 of Roasting hella until she finds out I'm hiding in her walls.

I will skip over some planets that are Very slow moving and usually don't talk about you as an individual but refer to your generation as a whole.

I wanna focus on lilith for a sec bc worstie lilith talks about our fears, our more "darker" side that we hide from ourselves as well as the people that we love. Lilith in aries in the eleventh house tells me you might be afraid to take charge, you gravitate towards positions of leadership but you let go on the last second, almost afraid to have too much control, very often self sabotaging your own success. Your anger and you own ambition might scare you, you might be afraid of appearing too aggressive bc under your skin you have a deep rooted anger and rebellion that you wish to relieve but you can't find a good enough outlet, some things soothe it but you always feel like it never leaves. It might be related to some form of resentment that you never truly dealt with and now it sits uncomfortably with you and you just can't get over it and it bothers you. You might have been shy in groups as a child, maybe you talked a lot but it was always from a fear of the silence not always because you had something to say. The eleventh house is that of groups and friends and social awareness, technology and your hopes and wishes for the future, having lilith in this house talks about someone who had a hard time feeling comfortable around people OR someone who wasn't very accepted. You might have desperately wished for friends but have found it hard to find any. Or if you did, you deep down felt very alone. I would advise to learn to accept your anger and deal with it in healthy ways instead of brushing it off and repressing it.

The north node talks about what you need to focus more in your life for example in your case with Gemini in your North node you need to focus more on your communication letting go of anxiety and your relation with other people you need to become more interested in intellectual pursuit and growth. You need to let go off the need to always be right and look more at details instead of focusing on on the bigger picture all of the time. When your North node is is in Gemini then your South node is in Sagittarius which tells me that what you should focus less on is your pursuit of freedom and your rebellion. Be more aware of your words and use them with maturity.

Now let's have some fun with the ascendent in leo which we share and now i see why ur so relatable. The first house or the ascendant is that very superficial layer of our personality, it includes the way we carry ourselves, our style, the little habits or quirks we have. One thing about leo ascendants is that we have an obsession with our hair. Hair is important to us, some have huge hair that might remind you of a lions mane, others just have very unique style or color but we ALL are lowkey or highkey obsessed with it, either constantly touching it, pulling it, chewing on it, cutting it or dying it in unique ways you name it. You might have a rather large nose or cat like eyes.

This ascendent is full of life and light, very funny, light hearted and luxurious, you want to live that good life and i don't blame you. A negative aspect is that we come of as intimidating to others. ALL of my friends AND my ex have at some point told me I was intimidating to them. It makes us prone to overcompensating for it later in life so maybe now you're super outgoing and extroverted and you approach people first and try to be super friendly. Also you're an attention whore (affectionate) with a flare for the dramatics, very flamboyant, you basically fill the room with personality, it attracts attention and you love it. You're what people would call a "sunny" person.

You're hella competitive (get it lol) and you LOVE fighting your way to the top and crushing the competition. You're probably a weirdo that low key likes school. Not the way it's run or the teachers or whatever, but the "idea" of school. If you could just learn all your life you absolutely would.

Second house in virgo. The 2nd house is the house of money, work, income, daily routines, values, material possessions, habits, work ethic ect being in virgo it means you can have an extremely good work ethic, you put a lot of thought in planning and mapping your work, you might get overly critical on your work though and often undermine your own success and efforts because they didn't fit your impossible standards. You can be very organized in your work, you want things to be a certain way and if they don't follow your plan you will Make them. Its a good position for virgo but yoh need to be aware of not overworking by trying to do Everything on your own. Let others help you, and let people in your work do their own things don't try to help if not asked to because you will overwork yourself.

The third house is that of the mind, thinking, communication, siblings, interests and early education, in your case it is in Libra which means that you're early education might not have been very stable or it was a period of time that you look back with a lot of fondness but not much substance. You are a good talker but you get lost when it comes to details, you are indecisive when it comes to settling on an opinion on something if you don't have All the facts first, you always want to be right. You are pretty open minded and easy to talk to but you might have the bad habit of rambling off topic. You change interests constantly and you prob like to talk about others, you wanna know the tea if it kills you. You prob had a crush on a childhood best friend or on a hot neighbor. Your relationship with your siblings might be pretty good, friendly, no particular resentment or anything like that, you might be the one that everyone treats a little better, people let you get away with things more often, you might be the one that takes 2 hours in the bathroom lol.

Oof fourth house in scorpio babe how are the mommy issues? 😬 How is your relationship with your femininity? Having trouble with keeping secrets? So the fourth house is the one responsible for your home roots, your family, self-care, emotions, your mother, women and your femininity and having Scorpio here tells me that you might have very strong ties to your family, but they weren't healthy or emotionally supportive. You have grown with people that might have undermined your emotions, people that didn't teach you to set healthy boundaries and maybe even manipulators and gaslighters. You might have been the type to put your foot down a lot a home, assuming a very dominant role as well as the defender. You're very private about your family life and don't want to let people too close.

Ah i just noticed u have like 3 planets in this house including ur Sun and Moon, babe this house is what you need to focus on when you go to therapy. This almost secretive, guarded approach to understanding your own emotions is very prominent in how you see yourself, how you feel and with Pluto there, how you change. I could say the biggest changes in your life have happened in these areas and they have left the biggest impacts on you. Yes you are passionate and protective but don't let bad feelings marinate forever, address them and then move on from them because they're just weighting you down.

Fifth house in sag, also the house of your mercury. This house represents Love, romance, creativity, self expression, joy and childlike spirit. It tells me the way you express your creativity is through words which makes sense since you're a great writer, but not only, the way you express Love is also through your words, expression and free thoughts are your way you tell your loved ones how much you mean to them, think poetry, long rants, music recommendations bc of specific song lyrics, you have been writing form childhood and it's one of the ways you express your view on beauty as well, to you love is freedom and freedom is expression.

Capricorn in the sixth house paired with both uranus and neptune being in it tells me there is something about your knees, joints, bones or teeth in particular that stands out when it comes to your health, maybe you tend to break your teeth, maybe you like chewing on crunchy foods, maybe your joints crack a lot, idk but I'd drink my milk if i was you, take care of your joints and bones. Also for you, being emotionally unwell often translates to being Physically unwell as well, so be mindful of your emotions because they do affect you physically. You need to keep hydrated also and your health plan needs structure for it to work bc that neptune makes everything very chaotic and uranus constantly makes you bored and wanting to spice things up. Take care of your emotional needs just as much as you would with your physical ones. And for the love of jesus be CAREFUL with alcohol or smoking because that neptune in ur health house could mean serious trouble if you let it become an addiction, don't push it.

Aquarius in the seventh house of relationships, marriage, contracts, business partners ect means you are untraditionally traditional. That makes sense in my head let me explain. Aquarius is a sign that seeks individualism desperately, it likes to feel like a special person, impossible to understand. Yet always feels comfortable in the structure of traditional and safe paths. So for example you might marry someone in a way that is not traditional but at the end of the day you wish for your marriage to have a stability you would feel safe falling into. Also it says ur gay. Air signs in the relationship house says ur gay i Make the rules.

Pisces is in the eighth house of sex, intimacy, shared finances, inheritance, taxes, loans, property, mystery, partner's resources. This tells me you fuck with feeling lmfao. Or you simply make your love life something "special", a connection that only you and ur person can share, it's what makes you an amazing lover and an unforgettable one as well. But as amazing as you are at creating a otherworldly atmosphere, ur just as shit at setting boundaries and saying something when you don't like something. You don't like to see things that you love ending and a failed relationship makes you blame yourself too much, you have the tendency to stay in situations where you are being mistreated but you tell yourself It's on you.

A recurring theme I'm seeing is some weakness when it comes to liars or manipulators in your life. So either you irrationally fear people are lying to you because you "lie" to them about yourself or a lot of people in your childhood might have used lying or gaslighting as a way to keep you under control. I would advise to try not to overthink and become paranoid, people love you and they believe in you and they aren't deceiving you, they don't secretly mean something different from what they have said. Listen to your intuition about people sure, but don't confuse it with anxiety.

With lilith and aries in the 9th house of travel and higher education and religion I'm gonna assume you might have religious trauma. Religion might have been a way that people used to try and control you, if not religion then some form of system or government law. Being queer i completely understand the sentiment but in your case it's take a step further because you Value the ideals of this house so much, with lilith here, it's like at som point in your life you were finally awakened to how much injustice there was in the world ant that has made you very inclined to take action, you cannot stand unjust government or non tolerating religions. You might have felt crushed under an unjust system and it took you a lot of will and conviction to find your individuality and build yourself how you wanted once you were free.

Your midheaven in taurus tells me you are one that will achieve any goals you set your mind to. It might take you time, you might procrastinate around it, but at the end of the day, you will do it and you will do it well and it will be rewarding. If your father isn't a Taurus then he was a stable figure in your life, very much a rock for better or for worse. In your career life people will see you as very competent, very down to earth and helpful but you know you just procrastinated till the last second possible and stayed up all night do finish your work... You will seek careers that you believe will guarantee you stable income and a comfortable life. You might indulge in luxury from time to time because you think in order to get the position you want at work you need to look the part. Ultimately it's your sheer stubbornness and spite that gets you all the way up to the top of the food chain.

The eleventh house of groups, friendships, humanitarianism, and social awareness is in your case in gemini. It tells me you value friendship extremely and you surround yourself with a diverse cast of friends, you couldn't mix your different friend groups if you tried and you have tried. You have the habit of being too friendly to everyone which makes you end up with more friends than you know what to do with. You are approachable but people can get the impression that you are putting up a show or a facade and your emotions arent genuine, it's not always the case but you need to be more truthful and assertive, put some boundaries and don't let people get away with shit you don't like. Your public persona is very well liked, seen as fun and bright and smart and overall a joy to be around.

Now that last placement... 12th house cancer, i have the same placement and babe I'm sorry for all the shit you have been through. You deserve the freedom to be unhappy and to express that unhappiness in healthy ways. You deserve to be given unconditional love and support no matter how many mistakes you say you have made no matter how overly pessimistic you are about yourself it doesn't matter you're amazing and i love you and you deserve the world.

With jupiter the planet of expansion in the 12th house of endings, spirituality, solitude and karma?! Gurl i did say u were a cult leader but i didn't think it was astrologically backed up rippp. But it also says you might have a hard time getting the motivation to finish things, you might take a long time to finish a project. This house placements also tells me you're amazing at writing emotional ass fantasy stories which by now we have confirmed, but if you have like, an original idea for a book don't hesitate to get it started babe bc u have a very promising placement for that. Don't get too dragged into a sad whirlpool of emotions and daydreams but bring your creative ideas to life and you'll be fine.

This is all I'm doing today and i think it's enough lol. I'm posting this I'm sorry to my followers for the long ass post I'll tag it so you can filter it. This was a whole psycho-astrological analysis of our favourite writer Hellspawn1975. I have wanted to study her like a new lizard species for a while and i finally got the chance thank you hella for the opportunity.

Final words to @hella1975 i hate you and I'll fuck ur mom tomorrow, gn babe <3

[broomswept-thoughts]

I didn't  to write yesterday or this morning before work so I think that's why I feel so scattered and unstable. It smells like Japan and Nagoya suburbs outside. Like faint faint bitter exhaust fumes, warmth on my back, the sound of traffic and also faintly of insect sounds.

I really want to support her, but Julia is really really self deprecating and it's draining me a little being the only or one of the few supports she has in Baltimore. I try to hear her out and encourage her, but it feels like a constant uphill battle because of her really low self esteem. I don't think she really believes what I tell her and that might be part of why she feels like a failure. I'm not even that sunny of a person to begin with either, but I think she brings me down just a little because she doesn't change. I don't know how to tell her this though because she kind of always says oh I feel bad and apologizes nonstop about relying on me.

Rationally, the thing to do is to have boundaries and to tell her I feel down when you talk about everything being so depressing. I know you're going through a lot and I want to support you, but I think I also might need some time alone so I might not respond as quickly. Please don't think of this as me hating you or being tired of you. I think I just need to have more time offline a bit just because I'm feeling stressed.

Hmm would that work? Maybe honestly.

I feel honestly eh inside about Ryan and Duncan so ya know. Just me vibing because it doesn't even matter that hard at the end of the day maybe. I should probably let Ryan know if I'm going by the time I leave work or around 5 tho. Altho idk, maybe if he doesn't ask me I just won't go tbh.

I left Duncan on read. At first I was NOOOO but now it's just. Whatever. Altho I feel like if I don't respond soonish I'll forget about it and that's kinda mean. And not my intention. I think emotionally it's probably a lot, even if in the moment it just feels like texting anyone. I want to escape into the wilderness where no one will talk to me. I want to throw my phone into a lake and walk into the forest next to highways. I'm really tired. Of people. Of feeling alone. Of not being able to be codependent on someone or of catching my own toxic behaviors when I'm so tired. I know I should but I'm just. So tired of caring. And feeling alone and alone and alone. I'm tired of feeling used by people, even if it's unintentional. I'm tired of feeling like... I only have value for what I give to people. What am I if I'm not someone who gives? How Will people know who or what I am if I don't give? Time, words, thoughts, feelings, objects. Is my identity constructed through the value of what I give to people? Maybe. I feel tired and it makes me resentful enough to want to use other people badly or be mean to them. But that's not going to answer or help my own lack of self and self worth.

I want someone to love me and me alone. That's what I feel is conventional romancr which is what I'll talk about. Conventional romance means knowing that you're number one in someone and vice versa. Its only codependent when you restrict the person in question or don't have any other close connections, but isn't this what people crave? To be unquestioningly the very top of someones priorities. To be able to comfortably be the most important person in someone's life. That's why polygamy is uncomfortable to people no? Or maybe I'm just being cynical. But romance means that there is A Special Person who cannot be replaced and you expect said person to love you more than any other person. There's stability and constancy, even though I personally believe that attachment to that seems like a lie and I'm cynical of it all. It just seems nice. I'm also jealous and resentful. But I feel increasingly pessimistic about relationships as a whole. They just seem like fun codependent relationships. I'm tired of seeing and being around it all. I'm just so tired lol.

[kyunsies]

hello mädchen dearest <3 how are you?

no need to apologise ever - i hope you've had a wonderful week since your last message!

how is your cold now? i hope it has almost completely gone now. is your mom okay? please send my love over to her. i hope she is getting better now!

my sleep is still a bit crappy ngl, i would love a whole month off! but i guess most of us would want a month off too haha XD your mom sounds kind of incredible? we sound like we've had similar paths in life when it comes to education and stuff :/ my mom isn't a single mom but she's done so much for me i feel the same. like i'm sure she'd be proud of me if I didn't do anything big in life but I want to do my best for her as well. idk i know i should feel like i owe her but i do?

i totally get what you were saying about what you feel like deserve. idk about you but sometimes i end up getting or reminding myself of what i deserve from others? like i shouldn't because like, self love and all, but i guess that's just to do with what we've been though, right? but also, reminder to you that you are worth so so much! you do loads for people and people love you so much, so please feel like you deserve things.

thank you thank you re agency. these people do seem a lot nicer. tbh it was actually really unpleasant with the previous people: it wasn't even that i was ill and i had to say sorry but more that i got so ill i had to miss a rehearsal, like i couldn't even walk and such and the execs ended up basically saying really horrible things to me afterwards and just kind of gaslighting me like how i'd cost them millions and ah, it was really awful. i kind of wish i hadn't apologised? like i do worry for people that might work with/for them and face the same treatment. but thank youu <3 i'm happy it brings you joy :D and i'm glad you can get happiness from your job too - or at least can bring you happiness through the things you can get <3 <3

it is sunny as i type!! i think we are getting a bit more summer weather now. LINEN IS NATURE'S BEST ahh :D I hate how it crinkles but I just LOVE wearing it. yay you are tiny! i am tiny too - how tall are you? I feel you though. I was trying on tops the other way and anything that is too low I just can't wear at all? like there's a difference between showing off a bit and being like... i could not just wear a shirt if it looks like this lol XD my dilemma is finding jeans that fit me at the moment because for the life of me i can't find my size anywhere and it's just a bit annoying but it's fine. YAY!! I'm glad you got to wear that bikini to your aunt's - you deserve to feel super confident! what was the last perfume you bought? do you like fruit smells or like sweet things or...?

I was listening to blue moon against recently - it feels a million years since trespass, i can't believe that time has passed so quick for MX. did you like their acoustic performance of secrets? i think i'm in love with it - i just want them to release a whole acoustic album now!

HELLO TO YOUR MOM! it's nice you can share everything about that with her! i don't think my mom understands tumblr like, in any shape or form lol XD you guys sound so so so super close! it makes me so happy to know i can talk to you too and share whatever :D. have the best weekend! i love you lots and lots and lots. take care and

- 💥

HELLO LOVE !!!!!!! sorry again for taking so long to reply ;____; i know u understand that importance of a quality response tho bubbie so thank u for always being patient with me <3

I AM HAPPY TO SAY MY COLD IS FINALLY GONE FOR GOOD <3 it was probably one of the longest colds i've had in a long time UGH ... i'm so happy that i can go to sleep without my nose being clogged and my throat being dry hhh thank u for asking angel !!!!

GOD a whole month sounds great doesn't it?? i feel like i wouldn't go back to work tho HHHH even summer break between uni years, i like that it's like 3/4 months but at the same time when we get back into it i feel very overwhelmed HHSDLFJ :') but oh my gosh we kind of have the same situation going on huh? it's funny bc like, when u live with just your mom for so long and she's the only one taking care of you, when you're younger at least you're just like yeah she's doing her motherly duties but when you're older you truly realize how much mothers, esp single mom's do for their child .......... i couldn't imagine doing everything she did ;___; but at the same time, when u have a child of your own i guess you would do anything for them right? i feel like we owe it to our moms to do the best we can in life for them <3

and about what i said in the last response about how i feel towards myself LKDFJ it's nothing that i really pay attention to i guess ;____; i don't really know if it's that "catholic guilt" that i grew up on my whole entire life but like, most times i feel it's unnecessary to ... put myself in high regard?? i know that sounds silly but i think it's really hard to have self love, even for ppl who preach about it !!! honestly ,,,,, i don't even know if most ppl are confident in saying that they have self love ..... even with old age and you've got thru all of these experiences good or bad, i don't think self love, true self love is attainable LDSKFJ that sounds really pessimistic and terrible but that's how i look at this !! i think we are able to achieve contentment for sure !!! u can be happy with your situation and your friends, family, children, lover ...... but does contentment mean self love?? i don't know ;___;

OKAY BUT ALSO SCREW THAT LAST AGENCY FOR REAL ;____; who are they the freaking executives to say that about you to your face ?????????? WHEN U WERE ILL …….. absolutely uncalled for i home someone steals all of their toilet paper when they need to take a massive shit <3 hhhhh excuse my french <3 but also KDJDK yeah bubbie the job is okay !!!!! just a few more weeks until i have to go back to uni ….. 😭

is it still sunny by you hun? it’s really nice over here, we just had a week of rain so it’s nice that the sun is leaking thru 💖 ALSO SKDNKD YOURE TINY LIKE ME 🥰 TINY SQUAD !!! i am only 4’11” lol everyone towers over me, even my not so tall friends !!! i am easily the smallest of my friend group :’) and YES i was able to wear the bathing suit and feel comfortable !!!! i just want to wear clothes that make me feel confident and comfortable IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR ;___; and omg jeans are so hard to find …. eps boyfriend jeans bc you don’t want it to look like your drowning in fabric but at the same time i don’t like skinny jeans all that much bc they don’t hold their shape :/ OH and the last jo malone perfume i bought was honeysuckle and davana i am literally on my last spritzers of it 🥺🥺 i tend to go for fresh/citrus scents but the honeysuckle was really gorgeous, it’s a nice everyday scent i think !!!

OMGGGGGG BLUE MOON is literally one of my top 5 songs from them …… can i believe they came out with that masterpiece in their DEBUT ALBUM …… i want them to do like that lofi garage jazz sound again 😭😭😭 that’s my style i love love love blue moon 💘💞💖💕💕💗💓 !!!!! AND THE MOTHER FREAKING LIVE ACOUSTIC PERFORMANCE FOR SECRETS SKDJDJJDD !!!!!! incredible , it JINKI the band did SUCH a good job and mx sounded AMAZING like always <3

lastly KDJKD I WILL ABSOLUELY SAY HI TO HER FOR U <3 she feels much better so i’m happy 🥺 and yeah she knows almost all of my moots and if not by name, by country they’re from HHHH <3 we are really close T_T !!!!! i hope you had a really good week hun again sorry i got back to you so late :( i know you understand tho !!!! i love u to the moon and back babe 💓💕💖💞💘💗💓💕💖💞💘💗