#even thought it really. doesnt lmao

[grimalkinmessor]

Actually my Hannibal AU got me thinking about a canon Matsulawlight AU where instead of drawing L in towards himself Light meets Matsuda earlier and decides to frame him as Kira :) Bullshittery abounds ✨

[mirrorhouse]

I have what you're looking for. High quality. Befitting a man of my tastes. I have a room over on Divisadero, not too far a walk.

[slavhew]

you win. try again?

[freakinator]

pbj are first and foremost high beat ytbers (idk what its called lol, basically their story beats are almost always high energy) and it really shows lmao

[hivepixels]

.

[infinitystation]

the facebook ai slop is about to go crazy

[alchemiclee]

been trying to figure out what exactly it is about aventurine that feels perhaps relatable, or what it is that makes me want to study him like a bug...

and camr to the thought that he's pretty pessimistic for am optimist...but also ob the other side of the same coin, he's optimiaric for a pessimist. kinda both at the same time,.or depending on the day or how you look at him maybe.

he's an optimist becuase he knows he's going to win. he always wins. he has always won his gambles. he knows it will happen again and again. his luck, or gift, or blessing, or whatever you want to call it ensures that. but he's also a pessimist becuase he knows that "win" also always comes with some kind of suffering for him. he wins all his gambles, but at what cost? a lot, actually. so is it really a win? he knows he will win, but he also knows he will be used, abused, sacrificed, broken, or in pain. he expects those to be a consequence of his winning luck, to the point of making sure it happens and becomes self-destructive because of it. he acts calmly like it's ok and is the outcome he wants and calls that a win because it's what he plans and expects. he bets on it and it happens.

but at the same time, he's slowly breaking and seems to want it to end. he tests the limits of his luck to see if it's a real "gift" or if it is all a coincidence and has an end. he probably wants to meet the end to end the pain and suffering, but knows his "luck" won't allow it. he wants to be against the luck and see if he can win. a whole contradiction it itself. his luck kept him alive so many times and continues to do so. it will always do so, unless perhaps his end is the goal. what if he bets on losing this time? bets in meeting his end? he needs to get lucky enough to achieve that goal. flip his lucky fate by turning his luck around, make his end the final lucky win.

but it seems like he either lost for once and didn't meet his end....maybe his luck truly does intend on keeping him alive...or he changed his mind in the end and got lucky enough to get out of meeting his end once again...

he's still a bit of an enigma to me and i'm not sure exactly what happened. but he's for sure a complex and amusing character (even if I still want to put him into a snow globe and shake it as hard as I can) and this whole penacony story is too complex for my soggy trashcan brain lmao but i'm enjoying the ride

[carcarrot]

do i really want to make individual drinks again

[dreamsy990]

i drew silly gijinkas of my dogs

the dogs in question

[arinmoss]

Feel like venting about a very stupid thing that's been happening in my life that i keep vagueing about so feel free to ignore lmao. this is so tmi and also stupid long lol. i just, idk need to type it out.

but basically, me and my mom live below the poverty line. She makes barely $20,000 a year. My grandma knows this. She knows we're on snap ebt, and what that means. She knows my mom has no money and that when my dad died he left us nothing but his debt.

Now my grandma? She owns land, and leases it lol. She has a son who lives with her and i imagine pays for things, cause he's the one that runs their business. She also owned a beach house, however technically speaking her and her husband and all 5 of her children own a part of that property. However, my dad is dead so technically his part is now owned by my mom. Legally, she owns part interest in that property, and if my grandma were to sell it (which she did) she would first have to get my moms permission, and then some of that money would go to my mom. Which didnt happen. because my grandma didnt want to give her any of the money, even though it was legally hers and also she fucking lives in poverty.

Like when my grandma found out my mom owns part of it, she told my mom to sign over interest to her (also my mom didnt even know she owned it until my grandma asked her) and my mom said that she would if she gave her some of the money from the sale. cause you know. POVERTY. my mom is straight up broke and makes barely any money cleaning houses!!! and you know what my grandma said???? NO! that she needed ALLL the money and that it was ALLLL hers (which is legally not true lmao)

Like my grandma was so awful to my mom, blaming her for not signing it over to her since my grandma had technically already sold the house lmao. And whats crazy is my grandma made it sound like in order to sell the house, my mom NEEDED to sign her interest over to her and that she's why everything is going wrong. But mom could have just sold her share to the ppl buying the house herself!!!!! but at the time she didn't know that she even had the power to do that, she didn't know that was an option and my grandma certainly wouldn't have told her if it was since that would mean my mom would get part of the money.

but since my mom never properly claimed the property, since she honestly was confused on the whole thing, she then lost ownership and then it defaulted on to me and my 2 brothers. i think i was 18 or 19 when my grandma started shoving papers in my hands to sign and to give the property to her. again, i owned part of the property, but i was a teen so that literally meant nothing to me. And the way my grandma explained the situation, she made it sound like i HAD to sign over my interest to her in order for her to sell it. Which wasn't the case, she just wanted full ownership of the property so alll the money went to her, even if legally me and my brothers owned part.

she kept acting like this was all my moms fault, one of my aunts even got drunk and started getting mad at my mom, calling her fucking greedy of all things (like surrrreeee lady my mom living below the poverty line is greedy) she did apologize afterwards, but my mom certainly didnt forget this.

And back in july i think, me, my mom, and my 2 brothers got served. The ppl buying the property were filing a suit against my grandma, and we were confused cause every time my grandma shoved those stupid papers in my face i signed them like an idiot, despite my mom telling me not too. but apparently none of those times counted since the papers needed to be notarized. and so even my brothers started bugging me about getting the papers signed and notarized.

hell, my grandma had planned to drive over to my apartment and drive me to get the signature notarized, but my brother told her i didnt have an ID (which i didnt at the time lmao) and that you need to show one in order to get it done. She then was like what is her mother doing, why isn't her mom helping yada yda blah blah whatever. Anyways i did end up getting my id in time to get it notarized since every one kept bugging me, and everyone made it seem like this would end and the ppl suing would drop the case if i just sign over interest to my grandma.

I remember the day i handed those papers to my grandma. I asked if we had to go to court since i finally signed, she said no and that this would solve it and they just sent those papers as a scare tactic to get things done faster. lmao. i remember she hugged me after and told me she loved me. i also remember a little before that, when she asked how i was doing i mentioned that i still didnt know what i was gonna do about my apartment situation, and she swiftly changed the subject to her dog lmao and i just. went with it. Basically im gonna lose my apartment by the end of the year, and my moms moving back to mexico to live with family since she cant afford any apartment, but i didn't want to move to a different country just to escape homelessness.

so i asked my grandma if i can stay with her for a bit. she basically gave a long winded answer that was pretty much a no, saying something about like i shouldnt have to depend on other people that thats not what she wanted for me, and like how shes not in the mental head space for this or whatever. mind you she has like 4 empty rooms. plus she mention my aunt was gonna move in and i thought oh so she can but I cant? lmao and she has money but i dont.

whatever anyways she ended with "we'll talk about this later" which we never did. tbh one of my biggest anxieties right now is that i still dnt know where im gonna go. i really dont want to move to mexico, even for a few months. i shouldnt fucking have to. plus when we come back, all i'll have waiting is my moms friends couch lmao. since my moms friend offered up her couch to us. some random lady ive never met would let me sleep on her couch cause she cares about my mom.

i think thats what broke my brain a little bit, ya know? like ive never met my moms friend. but she offered that. because she loves and cares about my mom. but my grandms does not view my mom as family, hell when i lsot my house when i was 16 she straight up told my mom, to her face that if it wasnt for me she never would have taken my mom in. thats her fucking daughter in law. Her daughter in law, who is not only HOMELESS but also a WIDOW! in fact my dad died like 3 months prior to us losing our house.

whatever anyways. even though my grandma said we didnt have to show up in court, my mom did. she talked to the lawyer and he gave her some information. We then got served! again! for some reason! So my mom wanted to talk to this lawyer again to see whats going on, and we had a meeting yesterday. he explained how i own part of the property, and that the suit against us is ridiculous since we didn't sign off on the sale, and most notably how i dont have to give over my interest to my grandma. like technically my grandma was right that i need to, but i needed to in the sense that in order for her to have the full title and get all the money she needed my signature.

but i could have just sold directly to these people myself. he explained, legally i own part and these people, whether they be the ppl buying it or my grandma, have NO RIGHT to compel to do anything!! that even though he works for my grandma, he told me that the best thing would ne to sell my part my self and then i'd get money! which technically should have been my moms to begin with. but a wins a win.

except now im confused. cause i signed over the interest already, even though i wouldnt have if i fucking knew any of this, but the ppl suing still served us? so maybe we still got it wrong and the paper i signed doesn't count, or it does and the people dont know yet, or the lawyer just doesn't know yet since my grandma has another lawyer for out state we live in. idk. this whole thing was awful and strange, and lawyer himself said that things didn't have to become the mess it did if she just listened to him lol. he kept telling her to not just sign ever paper those people put in front of her. and she really had no right considering she didn't fully own the property.

so theres a good chance she just fully owns this property now. and she did tell my brother that she'd give us some of the money, though the only reason she offered this now in 2024 was because this thing had been going on since 2018/2019 and she wanted this over with and i imagine she plans to give us less than what we'd get if we sold directly to the buyers. but idk. idk either way that should've been my moms. that was my moms. my mom wasn't even asking for all the fucking money, just the portion that is LEGALLY and RIGHTFULLY hers. and my grandma made her feel so bad about it. even my brothers. even i would get annoyed, but my mom was right the whole time.

and like. its hard not to feel like racism didn't permeate through this whole thing. like my mom is a brown Mexican immigrant, she moved here when she was 19/20. and my grandma is an avid fox news watcher, complains about the border and claims she "doesnt see color" she's racist in that "nice" "polite" subtle New Englander way. lol.

and idk. i just hope she does give me some of the money so i can give it to my mom. but if the paper work was once again some how faulty, then i have no interest in handing the property over to her. i never would have if i just really knew what was going on. she made it sound like i had no other choice, that this was the ONLY way to sell the house. she made my mom feel awful like this was all her fault. and for what? for some more money? to uphold her comfortable white life? lmao. this whole thing makes me feel so strange and weird and a little sick. i keep crying cause like. idk.

is this something a grandma would do? is this something your grandma would do to you? would your grandma, knowing that you are poor, knowing your mom is poor, refuse to help you? knowing that she could help you? is this something grandmas do? Am i being insane? am i being irrational? is my anger and sadness irrational? and im blowing this all out of proportion? cause sometimes i feel like maybe i am. and then i sit with this for a while and start to cry.

like i thought families are supposed to help each other out, pool their resources together, be there for each other. i thought. i dont know. i just hope that she keeps her promise. its not gonna be the money im actually owed, im sure, but anything would help right now. but that doesnt change that none of this needed to happen. my mom shouldnt have to suffer the way she has been. i just feel so strange and awful all the time. and im sure the next time i see her im just gonna smile and pretend im not nearly as hurt as i am.

you know she's my only living grandparent? and she did house me for 2 years. like i do think she loves me but i cant help but feels there's some unconscious bias in the back of her head that sees me in some aspect differently than her other fully white grandchildren. its hard not to think this after everything. and i keep crying every night.

anyways this post is so fucking long and i dont think a single person is reading this whole thing. i just needed to type it out. i have literally no one to talk about this with. and i dont. i dont really know what to think or how to feel. its just a bit overwhelming. i dont feel like im really family...but also maybe im being ridiculous. idk.

[sabrocha]

saw this comment on an ig reel

and it fucking hit me like a semi truck bc i knew my former best friend did this but seeing it explained like this was just- 🧍🏽‍♀️

[coldvampire]

oh im gonna hsdgfjk

okay so three+ months ago i discovered I had a Fun Condition called perioral dermatitis. basically, just this Extraordinarily persistent face rash that looks like a bunch of small pustules in a circle around my mouth, but it also went around my nose and eyes. reacts to literally fucking Everything, deeply annoying to treat, even with antibiotics it takes weeks but usually months to clear. causes are ?? can be anything from inhaled steroids, face cream, toothpaste, hormones, etc. basically impossible to pinpoint. i have some guesses about what triggered it but ofc no real way to know for sure.

i go on 90 days of antibiotics. cool, whatever, condition dissipates but doesn't go away entirely. i think nothing of this bc I know even With oral antibiotics, it can still take months.

halfway through this treatment i develop arthritic symptoms. i also think nothing of this bc I have Some sort of illness undiagnosed anyway + family members have it so while I am definitely not happy w this development, I'm resigned.

i finish the pills.

less than 24 hours later, dermatitis has Returned. i know that allowing this to happen makes it worse and last longer. i cannot stress enough how bad it will be for my mental health if this happens. yes this probably sounds overly dramatic but I'm pretty sure watching my face flare up in any way is a legitimate trigger atp after dealing with cystic acne.

anyway. i book an appointment with my gp bc the pharmacist cannot refill the antibiotics. great except the appointment is at the End Of The Month, and I know this is going to be bad in a few days time. like, in the last few hours the inflammation has already accelerated, who knows how bad it'll be then, I'm assuming it'll be like I never even took the pills to start with. i am going to have a nervous breakdown.

mysteriously, the arthritis symptoms have Also started to decrease after stopping the antibiotics. that's weird, I think, that wasn't brought up in the list of side effects when I asked, but the timing is literally exactly when my face started flaring up so I know I definitely don't have those in my system anymore. i look this up, to see if there's a link.

'''acute polyarthritis''' also described as 'drug-induced lupus' are you Fucking Kidding Me

so i am now back as Square Fucking one for this shit, my skin is about to be so goddamn inflamed & I apparently can't even take the drug that was working to clear it up. because it causes inflammation in my joints.

and like i cant really express properly how mad this makes me lmfao because of Course. i spend a solid year on Accutane finally after being deterred for nearly a decade, i get maybe 4 months of enjoying my skin after I'm off of it and then This Shit. can i win?? can i Fucking win??????? no one else in my genepool seems to deal with this shit its just me and ohhh my god i am This close to walking straight into the ocean.

[bangcakes]

.

[todayisafridaynight]

sorry if you've already been asked this but what did you think about eiji in iw? like idk i feel like they were trying to recreate a masato and ichi moment without actually having any of the elements that made their relationship narratively compelling.

as a whole, i thought eiji was at least a nice 'how he wished things couldve been' for ichi in regards to masato, but still being independent enough from the masato comparison to stand on his own as a character (or at least as an antagonist. his actions wasn't what was reminding me he was a masato parallel, but more so ichi's insistence he help him). i think thats why ichi and eiji's relationship don't have the same 'elements' that make their relationship interesting like masato and ichi's

[trujellyfish]

thinking too hard abt how this rise of "mental health" discussion still only seems to focus on the Cute and Quirky symptoms and still demonizes other mental health (personality) disorders

like my carefully curated tumblr space is fine, but everytime i get sucked into insta reels i inevitably see tens of different reels of the same 3 symptoms of autism/adhd

like im glad theyre getting this positive moment but it just kind of fucking sucks to listen to people talk about how they ToTaLlY have a "touch of the 'tism" and ur friends are sending u "relatable adhd memes" so u think u have a little more support and understanding but then u mention how ur struggling with self harm and suicidal thoughts and violent/disturbing intrusive thoughts and suddenly everyone's like

😳

whats the matter babe, my mental health problems not palatable enough for you? :/

[miutonium]

Yesterday during Pre-FYP pitch: