#everlark domestic life

[mega-aulover]

Spiraling down an Everlark hole. Picturing Katniss missing one of her socks. Going into the freshly dried laundry pile and grabbing one, just 1 of Peeta’s because she can’t find her other pair.

Peeta folding laundry later on and discovering that another one of his socks has gone missing.

[softchouli]

It's one of those mornings where Katniss wakes up first. Blindly, she starts to feel the bed and in a heartbeat finds what her wandering hands were looking for. Only then Katniss allows herself to open her eyes, and Peeta's asleep face greets her.

Outside, sunlight is currently in its first stages, but bright enough for her to properly see how his peaceful demeanor cracks with the slightly fluttering of his eyelids.

As always, it creeps so silently.

So she comes closer, reaching for him, featherlight fingertips tracing the side of his face in familiar patterns, followed by the palm of her hand cupping his cheek as she kisses the tip of his nose. Then she keeps moving, brushing away the hair off his forehead to make room for another gentle press of her lips.

Snuggling into his warmth, body almost flush, she nuzzles his blond hair that welcomes her in all directions. After enveloping him with one arm she rests her hand by the nape of his neck, fingers automatically playing with the strands that curls so prettily at the ends.

And slowly, she can feel the rhythm in his chest, thump, thump, thump, start to beat in sync with her own.

It's only when the sun helps itself through the open window that she knows he's awake, the unmistakable feeling of his eyelashes brushing her neck giving it away.

She was certain they were so close already but she was proven wrong the moment Peeta decided to wrap an arm around her middle, squeezing softly while breathing Katniss in.

And right there, as her skin registers his voice way before her ears, as they seamlessly melt, she thinks this time their souls definitely may be at risk of getting intertwined.

[thedelicatearcher]

peeta is the one who washes the dishes and katniss is the one who dries them

[paintedpeeta]

winter is in full swing for a lot of ppl so reminder of toastbabies all bundled up!! (katniss putting on so many layers to keep her babies warm and them then being so chonky and unable to move and peeta just watching shaking his hand and smiling 😫🥺)

crying because she absolutely would fuss over her babies something terrible, pampering and taking care of them the way she should have been taken care of as a kid 🥺

she loves to spend time outdoors with her children, even if it’s just out to their back yard to let them toddle around and play in the snow or stomp around in puddles until they’re absolutely filthy. she doesn’t mind that sometimes they trail mucky boots through the back door of the house into the kitchen, but she does make sure to get them into a hot bath before supper and bed so they heat up nicely.

and if she was ever going out or to the woods she’d give peeta a stern warning that her babies are not to be let outside unless they’re bundled up. “Hats, scarves, and gloves. Oh, and make sure she keeps her coat zipped.” while he rolls his eyes and playfully nudges her towards the door, reminding her that they’ll be fine.

[littlemarianah]

EVERLARK DOMESTIC LIFE

Peeta loves giving rides. Need to go somewhere? "Oh, babe. please call me." He likes having her as a passenger next to him changing the radio until she finds a good song. Date night? He picks you up and drops you off. He loves driving and his old truck never lets him down.

Peeta is also the food guy. He cooks and she put it in the dishwasher. Easier this way. Sometimes when he's there chopping up the little pieces of carrot for the stew, she's sitting on the counter watching him.

Katniss is the one who do groceries though. Years on the poverty line gave her a good head start on saving. With the same amount of money she can buy twice as much stuff as Peeta.

Cleaning? Well, neither of them are the biggest fans. Peeta's mother is a cleaning neurotic and Katniss was a maid for a while. Neither of them has good memories of doing heavy cleaning, but they try. One of them throws the clothes in the washer and the other in the dryer. Peeta is consistent in organization, Katniss is more spontaneous.

The extra room they have in his house is sometimes Peeta's studio, or it's the space where Katniss works out. Over time she realized that maybe her back pain is due to a sedentary lifestyle. So it's good to stretch sometimes.

They are good roommates, most of the time. Maybe some complaints about heavy footsteps early in the morning. Because Katniss likes to sleep until noon, but her boyfriend with loud footsteps wakes her up at dawn. "Put on socks, you damn thing," she yells.

Splitting the bills... Katniss tried to do it 50/50 at first. She's always been afraid of losing her financial freedom and hates the thought of being provided for. Maybe a little too proud at times. Expensive bills start disappearing from her mailbox; Peeta Mellark is paying them on the sly again. He doesn't exactly think it's fair. He has higher education and a better job, he doesn't exactly think it's fair to share everything just because Katniss is stubborn.

But they are very good at saving money. Katnsis has a habit of keeping everything, so much so that Peeta has to beg her to buy new boots and throw away the old ones. She saves it out of fear, but he teaches her to save it for plans. "For us to buy our little house on top of a hill," he says, saving coins into the piggy bank.

Pets? No, thanks. Maybe a fish.

Sex? Probably already in the kitchen sink, but not very good. Sofa when they want something different, shower when they are in a good mood.

Who's going to sleep on the couch when after a fight? Both of them. At the same time.

[sincere1ystar]

hair braiding

A little snippet of everlark’s domestic life where their daughter asks Peeta if he can braid her hair.

Peeta’s a talented man who’s good at many things like baking and painting, but braiding hair? Forget it, the guy’s a mess.

One day when Katniss is out hunting, their daughter asks him to braid her hair. Even though he has no idea what he’s doing, he physically can’t say no to his little girl’s smile.

“Daddy!! Daddy!! I want my hair to look like my dolly!!”, the toddler exclaims.

Peeta chuckles as he brushes the little girl’s hair. He tries to mimic the way he’s seen Katniss braid her hair, but in the end it looks like nothing like a braid.

“Um… Ta- da!!!”, Peeta says trying to be enthusiastic as he holds up a mirror to the toddler’s face revealing a sloppy and messy braid.

He expects the little girl to be unhappy with his work, but instead a bright smile paints her face as she holds the mirror closer.

Even though his daughter is happy with the messy braid, Peeta can’t help but want to learn how to braid hair properly since it makes his daughter so happy. He spends the next few days reading books with simple tutorials on how to braid hair as well as asking the workers at the local hair salon for tips.

One day Katniss comes home with their baby boy in her arm she’s exhausted from the day. Despite her exhausted state she can’t help but laugh as she’s greeted to the sight of her daughter’s dolls all lined up in a row on the ground, all of them having the same messy braid.

“I’ve heard the greatest baker of Panem has now opened a salon”, Katniss laughs as she sees the sight of Peeta focused on practicing braiding hair with their daughter’s doll.

Peeta sighs in defeat as he says, “I just can’t seem to get it down.. I didn’t think braiding hair would be this hard since you always make it look so easy”.

“Well braiding hair is harder than it looks. I’m only so good at it from the practice I had with braiding Prim’s hair every morning”, Katniss reassures.

Despite the reassurance from Katniss and the fact that his daughter loves his messy braids Peeta still practices and practices. When he finally succeeds in braiding their little girl’s hair one day, he’s ecstatic as ever, as if he was the child in the situation instead of the parent.

(it was a rare once and a lifetime opportunity and the next day his hair braiding skill are back the same lol)

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Re: your tags about the spicy asks

There is practically NO foot fetish Everlark content 😢

I just know Peeta would love massaging, kissing, and worshipping her feet

I'm slightly concerned what it says about my life at the moment, that this is what came out while attempting to write literally anything this week. I'm personally not that into feet, but hey! There shall be no kink shaming here. Anon, may I present, slightly more angsty than you probably wanted, foot fetish Peeta. I do have ideas for later, less angsty scenes, if anyone is interested. (Side note, the ask references the tags on this post from several months ago, and of course my inbox is STILL a hot mess so yep.) Enjoy, my funky thirsty wenches!

****

With a beleaguered sigh, Peeta slams his bathroom cabinet shut and peers through the frosted glass window, out towards the darkening sky. His hair is still dripping on his shoulders and he’d prefer not see Katniss again until tomorrow’s training session. Today had been particularly grueling, with Katniss pushing back at every one of his demands. To the point that he couldn’t decide if he’d rather give her a good spanking as punishment for all her sass, or if he wanted to drag her somewhere more private and shut her the fuck up by shoving his tongue down her throat and kissing her speechless.

But none of that would’ve worked, he knows. So he simply made her do forty extra pushups and run five extra laps around the village.

After quickly towel drying his hair, Peeta throws on some clothes and searches his kitchen for something to take as a peace offering or trade. He baked cherry hand pies just that morning when he couldn’t sleep, so he warms up half a dozen of them before wrapping them up. He trudges three houses down the row in Victor’s Village and sheepishly knocks on the Everdeen’s door. He’s looking down when the door opens, and so it’s her feet that he sees first. A bandage wrapped around one toe and a poultice strapped to her right heel.

He’s hurt her, he realizes with a twinge of guilt. He should offer to rub her feet, to at least soothe some of the aches he’s caused. 

“What do you want? I’m not doing more pushups,” Katniss says. Her words propel his eyes up to hers. They glitter with the tension boiling between them, and Peeta bites back a snapping remark about how he’s only trying to do everything he can to make sure she survives again. She can thank him later.

“I’m not here for you. I’m here to see your mother,” he says. Something flickers in Katniss’s eyes and she draws back into the house, holding the door open for him as he quietly thanks her and enters.

“Anytime,” she says, her voice thick with sarcasm. As he brushes past, her eyes drop to his hands and her nose twitches. “Are those for me?”

“They’re for your whole family,” Peeta corrects. 

“Does that include Katniss’s cousin?” Gale emerges from the kitchen, shrugging his shirt back on, and Peeta averts his eyes, suddenly wishing he’d waited a little longer to come over. He knew Gale was still stopping by after working in the mines, so Mrs. Everdeen could keep track of how his back was healing. But Peeta would rather not witness this sweet, domestic scene.

“You’re not really my cousin, so no,” Katniss says as she takes the bundle of hand pies and peers into the wrapping. “Oh. there’s so many. I guess you can have one.” She hands the pastry to Gale, who eagerly accepts it, and Peeta shuffles his feet nervously. The action seems to remind Katniss that he’s even there.

“Mom! Peeta’s here to see you!” she shouts.

“I’m right here,” Mrs. Everdeen says, sounding exasperated as she too emerges from the kitchen, wiping her hands with a cloth. “Oh, Peeta. So nice to see you.”

Peeta attempts to smile at her. “He brought these,” Katniss says, her next words pricking his ire. “They smell incredible, but if he thinks a few tasty pies are gonna make me enjoy all those push ups--”

“Actually,” Peeta cuts her off and snatches the bundle out of her hands, “you probably shouldn’t have any of these while you’re in training.”

Gale snorts as Peeta hands the pies to Mrs. Everdeen. And the way Katniss’s eyes turn petulant, the way her lip quivers, almost makes him feel like the barb is worth it. Until her eyes flash with anger and harden again.

“Fine. But you can’t stop Prim or my mother from giving me one when you leave.”

“How can I help you, Peeta?” Mrs. Everdeen interjects, cutting their squabbling short. She ushers him into the kitchen as he tells her what he needs. He tries to focus on what Mrs. Everdeen is saying to him, what she’s asking of him. But his eyes and attention keep straying to the hall, where Gale holds the hand pie in his teeth while he’s buttoning up his shirt.

Jealousy sinks its teeth into Peeta as he surreptitiously watches them. He knows he’s not the best looking guy in the district. Gale has him easily beat on that account, but she couldn’t even stand to see Peeta when he was on death’s door. Anything someone might find sexy or attractive about him wouldn’t have mattered then, but here she seems perfectly fine talking to Gale as he lazily works the buttons through their slots. Honestly, could the guy be any more of a slow dresser? It’s ridiculous, really.

“Here you are,” Mrs. Everdeen says, her voice cutting into his thoughts as she presents him with another jar of the ointment she’s been making for their sore muscles. She gives him the instructions for it again. By the time she’s done and Peeta has thanked her, Gale has thankfully left, and Katniss is no longer in the foyer.

It’s all too much, all of a sudden. His throat dry and the edges of his eyes wet with unshed tears. Ridiculous. He knew. He knew what he was doing when he made his deal with Haymitch. He knew what he was doing when he started their robust training program, pushing Katniss at every turn. Pushing her away.

He knew that in the end, Katniss and Gale would be happy together. It shouldn’t bother him this much, seeing the truth of it now.

He’s in such a hurry to get out of the house, he doesn’t see the shoes until it’s too late. He trips and stumbles, crashing into the wall. Mrs. Everdeen gasps and rushes to his side. Embarrassment burns on his cheeks as he rights his leg, grateful that at least he didn’t drop the glass jar of ointment.

“Katniss!” Mrs. Everdeen screams. “I thought I told you to clean this up yesterday!”

“Clean what up?” Katniss asks from upstairs. Peeta sets aside the jar and winces at the sharp shot of pain, but he kneels next to Mrs. Everdeen as she scoops up a pair of shoes and several rather smelly, dirty socks.

Katniss’s socks. The ones she’s been wearing at training. There’s so many of them, she must’ve just been removing them by the door and leaving them there for days.

She bounds down the stairs and stops only part way down, eyes narrowing at them.

“I was going to get to it,” she says.

“Well you almost killed Peeta with your mess,” Mrs. Everdeen snaps.

“Almost?” Katniss asks and tilts her head, looking at him as he stands there with his hands full of her dirty socks. “Shame. I’ll try harder next time.”

Mrs. Everdeen apologizes to him and snatches up the socks from his hands. One falls to the floor, but she doesn’t seem to notice as she walks over to Katniss and shoves the entire pile of dirty socks and shoes into her daughter’s hands. She’s busy berating Katniss, and Katniss is busy trudging back upstairs and rolling her eyes, snapping back that she just wants a few minutes to relax!

So neither of them notice Peeta bending over and pocketing the stray sock. His palms are sweaty and nerves kick in as he snatches up the ointment just as Mrs. Everdeen returns to him. An awkward apology and thanks again for the ointment later, and Peeta finally manages to escape.

He breathes deeply as soon as he's about thirty feet away from the house, and then he shoves his hand in his pocket. His fingers rubbing at the stolen sock.

By the time he shuts himself alone in his house again, Peeta’s breathing heavily. Hurtling into the bathroom, he sets the ointment on the counter and grips the edge of the counter, staring at himself in the mirror.

“Why did you do that?” he asks his reflection. Has he really grown so desperate for any bit of softness from Katniss that he stole her rank sock?

He’s no stranger to dirty, smelly socks. He grew up with two brothers, after all, and he was on the wrestling team. But this… this theft scintillates him in a way he can’t explain. Retrieving the sock, Peeta holds it up in front of his face, wondering how on earth he’s going to return it. How could he possibly explain this?

He takes a deep breath again, attempting to calm himself. But inhaling the pungent aroma emanating from the sock does something to him. Something wicked and dangerous, he knows, even as he groans and brings the sock closer to his face. 

Peeta nuzzles the garment as he sniffs it. He imagines washing her feet, massaging soap between her toes and cleaning off the sweat and grime he caused with his heavy demands. He imagines wrapping her feet in a soft cloth and gently drying them, applying healing balms to her blisters and sore spots. Helping her into a pair of warm socks so the medicines can be better absorbed into her skin.

And it isn’t long before an undeniable arousal presses insistently against his pants. With a tortured groan, Peeta shoves the sock into one of his drawers. He ignores the erection as he gets ready for bed. Ignores it as he lays awake for far too long, given how early he’ll need to be up for training tomorrow morning.

[thegreenthepeacetheorange]

Everlark (The Hunger Games, Ch. 21-22)

21

it's crazy how easily they both fall into domesticity in that cave, like constantly snuggling/curling up together in the sleeping bag

katniss wondering about whether gale would be her boyfriend if she opened the door and what he makes of all the kissing (another thing the movies robbed us of)

she gives fever-ridden peeta a "long lingering kiss" before she heads to the cornucopia, but just for the cameras of course. acting!

22

katniss dreams of her mother gently stroking her cheek but of course it's peeta. she talks about how much she craves that gentle touch. again with peeta being the first person to truly make her feel safe since she kinda lost both her parents in a way

she jolts awake in alarm but feels better when she realises peeta is there

him saying "good to see your eyes again." and just generally how he looks after her with so much tenderness. he feeds her, rubs warmth into her feet, wraps her up and tucks her in. he kisses her on the nose. swoon

her still not getting why peeta gave her that bread. like after all these hints, how is she still clueless?

"i think we would like thresh. i think he'd be our friend back in district 12" - again katniss referring to her and peeta as "we" and "our." they never spoke before these games but now it's them, together. forever more.

again they kiss constantly. like it's very normal and natural and not out of place for them. and katniss welcomes the kisses because i feel like otherwise, she'd definitely have something to say.

her trying to flirt with him and pulling out the f*ckboy "or what?" looool

"and while i was talking, the idea of actually losing peeta hit me again and i realised how much i don't want him to die. and it's not about the sponsors. and it's not about what will happen back home. and it's just not that i want to be alone. it's him. i do not want to lose the boy with the bread" - in this little paragraph, katniss essentially shuts down literally every argument about how and why she's faking her feelings for peeta. she let's us know that deep down she knows that it's not for any of the reasons above that she's trying so hard to keep him alive. it's because he's him and she cares for him and he matters to her. after she realises this, she wants to pull the shutters closed and not have the whole of panem see this vulnerability from her. so she changes the subject and avoids talking about her feelings.

then they have their first kiss they're both fully aware of. she feels the stirring inside her chest, warm and curious, and she wants more. she is quite clearly falling hard for this boy but can't/won't let herself give in to it. but the feelings are there, the spark is there.

he pulls her head down (notice that dominance pls) to use his arm as a pillow and protectively drapes the other over her body while he sleeps. she notes that no one's arms have made her feel this safe since her dad died. and that is such a big statement! she's not been held like this or felt safe like this in like 5 years. gale's been around all that time but he's not made her feel like this. this is something new, something warm and curious.

(I fully believe that while katniss is the fighter with the bow and arrow and considered the more powerful one - in their romantic relationship, peeta is the protector, the dominant one, and she is the one who needs more looking after. and honestly i love that for her. i love that she and peeta found each other because she needed his energy in her life)

when he tells her why he fell for her, i have to laugh at her being like "i thought we were just playing pretend so why is he declaring love for me like this with factual evidence i cannot deny?!" like she is truly clueless. and it's why we love her. but wow. her mind works in insane ways

his story makes her "almost foolishly happy" though. like a giddy teenage girl who's falling in love for the first time.

when peeta says he doesn't have much competition in here (for katniss) and katniss replies that he doesn't have much competition anywhere, obviously it sounds like a cheesy line but before she says it, she again wants to close the shutters on her feelings. i really believe she felt that when she considered everything.

this is the moment where i think he really captures her attention. they cross that barrier from "pretend" into "real." her feelings are real but she cannot make sense of them. she leans in for the kiss and the readers are wondering how much of it all is playing to the cameras but i think peeta's confession completely disarms her because she wasn't expecting that.

a few posts ago i noted how peeta can easily tell when she's lying (3 occasions he mentions) so it's interesting that she's 'playing pretend' here but he doesn't see it as lying (because at the end of the games he's going to be hurt when he realises it was an 'act'). what he feels from her is real. katniss is rubbish at lying

[maedivae]

Could you talk about Everlark? Katniss and Peeta as a couple.

Why do you think they are compatible?

Thank you ❤

@everlarkshipper

Been kinda busy lately but here goes. They probably wouldn't have gotten together over pretty much every other circumstance given the conditions they live under, but they did anyway. It's the devotion and dedication which interests me the most. People may claim that they were only together because there were no other options available but I don't think either of them are so blase with their lives. (And they're teenagers they could've just drifted apart in adulthood if they really weren't working out).

The racial/class divide between merchants and seam, Katniss not wanting to get close to anyone romantically at the start, their stark differences in personality, etc. would make any relationship between them potentially difficult, even if they were never reaped. Add in the trauma and baggage of the Games and the pressures of being in a fake relationship in which both of them fear that if they aren't convincing enough they'll only harm the people around them. There's a lot of stress and deterrents to their relationship that they can't help because it's more to do with conditions outside of their control.

But in the end, nothing can really keep them apart, you know. They at least attempt to have a normal friendship regardless of how abnormal their lives have been. Really, it's the effort and work they put in that makes them compatible, because it'd probably be easier not to try at all, especially for someone like Katniss who doesn't open up emotionally. It's not a passionate love at first sight type of love for either, it's more comfortable, peaceful, domestic (my favorite), and durable with time.

Obviously real life couples become fractured over much smaller problems. Very avoidable ones if they only communicated better or set their egos aside. But through fiction I just like seeing the lengths to which a couple will get through something insurmountable, their journey there. Because it's never going to be all sunshine and rainbows and it's important to show how people adapt and work through it, which is very important to show in these books aimed at a younger audience.

[mega-aulover]

Hello there mega-aulover,

The story I hold dearly now (I say now because there are so many!) and never fails to make me smile are Wily Peeta and Pete GoLightly is Peeta Mellark. The domestic chaos and fun of Wily Peeta just warm my heart. It’s so much like in real life with the added bonus of Everlark.

Pete GoLightly is Peeta Mellark stayed with me for its adventure. Peeta suddenly missing in action, Claudius following his trail and paying off whoever could give him a clue, Katniss being clueless about who Peeta is, Gale (Oh, Gale!), the ambush interview, and the beautiful ending. Katniss and Peeta fell in love in a bubble of a town, folding laundry together. Hahaha. Peeta having a thing for laundry was awesome!

The next one, because of its uniqueness is ___*#*#*#*___. I wish I remember the title! I’ve done a good bit of stalking on your Tumblr page 😂, searching for the fic, but lo and behold, I gave up 😭. It’s the story where Katniss and her team of women from District 13 were dispatched for partnership/ pairing to the Capitol. But their ships were attacked and Katniss ended up in the woods where she was saved by Peeta. Peeta shows her how men can be trusted and that living together (men and women) alike is possible and good -- unlike what they have been told by Coin. For the life of me, I can’t remember the title. I don’t think this nugget is on your AO3 or FFN page. I’m so sorry for my brain fart. But I do love this story!

There are other stories that I want to mention like The Apothecary Bakery and Better Tomorrow. Thank you so much for your gift of stories to the fandom 🙏🙏🙏

I didn't see this until today @dandelionlovesyou thank you so much. I've been kind of absent. it's so lovely for you to say.

To be truthful just ask any writer on here, most of the time we think our writing is crap. And we honestly feel utterly fake. It's like being passed over to play on the team in gym class during our school years. So any opportunity to make others feel love is amazing. I will pass on the love to other writers I promise.

I think the story you're thinking of is Hatched. I have never put it on AO3, but it's on my page. lol.

I've linked it above should you like to read it again. I've written so many things but I've never posted them on AO3. I have to be dogged to post things - lol.

[softchouli]

"I’ve only ever tasted an orange once, at New Year’s when my father bought one as a special treat." – The Hunger Games, chapter 4.

"Let's plant this then." Peeta suggests gathering with care a few seeds from the oranges they've just eaten.

"It will take forever for this to turn into fruit." Katniss says, rolling the peelings in between her fingertips.

"We have forever." he's standing one second later, heading to their makeshift greenhouse.

Weeks later she can see sprouts in one vase, and simply cannot refrain from smiling when she touches the tiny leaves.

As their greenhouse expands its contents and goes through external improvement, the vase is reconditioned to pure soil on the floor. Months and months go by until small and light-colored flowers shyly start to bloom. In the third year, fruition can be tasted on an idle July afternoon, as they sit on their kitchen's threshold Peeta cuts one ripe orange and hands the first piece to Katniss.

When the saccharine flavor takes over her mouth, that one new year starts to fondly merge with the warmth of Peeta's as he hands her piece after piece of fresh fruit.

It makes Katniss wonder, if she would be able to dream about it if she tried, eating this category of their hard work, together, accompanied only by the mellow summer rain.

Something stirs inside her heart when the oranges can be introduced to their child's diet, and when one becomes two, peeling the fruit on the balmy weather and putting generous slices on tiny pairs of eager hands turns into an unspoken family tradition.

And now Katniss is convinced, not even her finest dream could come closer to this.

[oakfarmer]

Everlark song drabble - Rated M for language

I heard glass shatter on the wall in the apartment above mine.

His eyes still slowly bring the room into focus when he jolts up. His body registers the reality before his brain.

Muffled curses broken up by faint cries. Her pained voice grips the pounding heart in his chest.

Katniss.

Was someone else up there? He didn’t hear anyone but her. Had the glass been an accident? What if she was hurt?

She was obviously hurting. But vivid images of every way she could be physically injured merely two yards above his head start invading his thoughts.

He’s already in the elevator before his head is clear enough to remember everything that happened today. If that could have something to do with it.

How their country had been smacked across the jaw with yet another ‘once in a lifetime’ event.

It’s too quiet when he reaches her apartment.

I knocked upon her door.

Fuck.

Katniss sets the neck of the broken bottle back down. She’d only started attempting to clean up the mess she made for herself. She can’t afford to let a wine stain cost her the deposit on this place.

Checking the peephole she finds an all too familiar face.

Peeta.

She should be grateful it’s not the drunk apartment manager, though he might understand better than most. Yet the thought that she woke up the only ray of goodness in her life is somehow worse.

“Hey.” She cracks open the door and tries to sound casual. Like nothing could be more normal than for him to be up here at two in the morning.

“Everything okay? I thought I heard something.” The frantic words tumble out of him.

“Oh, I think your ears are playing tricks on you. I didn’t hear anything.” Her attempt to lighten the air fails miserably with Peeta looking even more distraught.

The way he’s trying to look around the door. It clicks that he might think there is a domestic situation. The sweater zipped up to her chin is unlikely to be helping that impression.

She opens up the rest of the way so he can see her empty apartment... and the glass on her living room floor.

If he doesn’t stop looking at her that way, she wouldn’t be able to keep holding back her tears.

“You know you can talk to me, if you ever need someone.”

How can she explain that she can't handle the world anymore? The last two….. five years … have shaken her already fragile being. History accelerating around her has left her far behind. What’s that curse? May your years be the answer to a future pop quiz? That’s not it. These night courses probably aren’t helping her mental state.

“Or not. We could just…” he scratches the back of his neck, “have a cup of tea at my place.”

“Thanks for caring, Peeta. That’s nice of you.”

But I have to go back in.

Peeta stares up at the ceiling.

He can't bear the thought of leaving her like that all night. The weight of his own loneliness crushing him into the cold floor at his back.

Peeta grabs his phone and flips to the first song that pops in his head. The same one their self proclaimed hippie music teacher had their class sing for the 5th grade recital. When her bright voice rang out across the auditorium.

When life felt simpler.

He stretches his arm up, pointing the speaker toward her apartment.

Maybe when she hears the words she’ll know she has a friend. That he’s here whenever she’s ready.

That she doesn’t have to face it all alone.

The song ends leaving the hum of his fan to fill the silence. But something else is there too. His ears strain to make out the noise.

He could almost swear its footsteps.

Jumping up, he throws open the door only to be greeted by an empty hall.

Must have been the wind.

[paintedpeeta]

okay but Katniss working/helping peeta at the bakery 🥺

yes yes yessss!!!!

i love this because she’s so... business minded? it just makes sense for her to be helping out in a traditional family run business. she’s had so much experience with trade, and whether she realises it or not, enterprise! like taking lady in as a gift for prim, but also as a way to make money for the family because of the milk and cheese she can produce? she’s a little home grown businesswoman i love her 🥺

also i feel like she’d keep right-brained peeta right, because she’s pretty logical and i just think she’d be really good at maths okay. she’s a clever cookie and she’d be great at keeping track of orders and stock taking (“I’m gonna add more cinnamon to next weeks order, Peet. It always goes down well this time of year and I don’t want us to run out.”) and other organisational stuff to keep the place running behind the scenes. and she’s not afraid to roll up her sleeves and get scrubbing if peeta was under pressure at busy times of the year and the place needed cleaned.

it also means she’d get to spend more time with him throughout the day, which is a win win for both of them. maybe during the winter the bakery would serve her stew from time to time, sort of like a limited thing where when it’s gone it’s gone but it goes down a treat.

him sneaking her little snacks throughout the day because he just likes to make sure she’s always well fed, he’s very proud of the fact his wife can always have a full belly and never has to worry about going hungry again. little rolls and buns passed into her hand throughout the day without a word between them.

she’s also a total softy when it comes to the children of the district (as is he) but she has a tendency to give them goodies on the house, especially to the sweet and well mannered ones who sometimes remind her of prim even if they look absolutely nothing like her, just the way they politely talk to their mother or the way their hair sits or how they skip a little as they walk away.

in time maybe she’d be able to bake simpler things like plain bread, cookies (he still does the icing of course) and biscuits.

gently bumping him with her hip when she passes, giving him the most devilish grin and flashing those silver eyes while he talks to a customer and he is just lost for words and starts stuttering EVEN AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS.

between customers she cuddles up behind him with her arms around his waist, placing little kisses on his back if there’s any areas of tension, pulling him away either to the back room or the apartment upstairs for some cuddle or sexy time it all depends on the mood (the latter is more common than the former. hey, there’s plenty of time to cuddle at home).

[rosaaeles]

WE’LL FIND COMFORT BY THE LAKESIDE .𖥔 ݁ ˖๋࣭ ⭑🌱🌲

prompt: can we have a soft fluff everlark morning? i love the way you write their happy moments +  katniss + peeta + lake (bonus points for skinnydipping) love ur writing XD

Word count: 2k

cw: none i don’t think!

ᨒ↟↟ᨒ↟ᨒ↟↟ᨒ

The sound of Peeta Mellark’s soft humming is what wakes Katniss up.

Gentle and slow, a melody she doesn’t recognise but that sounds overwhelmingly like home.  

Her head is on his chest as his gentle hand cards through her hair, and Katniss wants to stay here forever so she keeps her eyes shut and her breaths steady.

But this is Peeta, and he knows her better than he knows herself. Sometimes she doesn’t know where she ends and he begins.

“Morning, Kat.”

Katniss shushes him swiftly; a quiet reprimand that has no real bite behind it, “We’re still sleeping.”

When she moves from his chest to look at him, Peeta is already smiling indulgently

“Oh, oh okay,” he brings a finger to his lips and nods along playfully. “I’ll be quiet.”

They stay there for a little longer, Katniss closes her eyes again and focuses on the way Peeta’s chest rises and falls slowly with each breath. Focuses on how calm and quiet and safe everything feels right now.

After a while though, the boy’s hand slips under her head carefully and moves her so she’s leaning on her pillow instead of his chest. He shifts away easily then, and Katniss whines a bit at the loss of contact, but she’s so warm where she is, so pliant in this cocoon that they’ve made for themselves that she can’t bring herself to be too mad about it.

“I’m going to make us breakfast, d’you want anything in particular?”

The girl shakes her head in response, “I’ll eat whatever you feed me. You know that.”

Peeta grins at her. “Pancakes?”

“Sounds lovely,” Katniss shoos him away then. “I’m going back to sleep.”

The boy raises his arms in mock defeat and walks to the doorway, but before Katniss can shut her eyes again he’s rushing back, smacking a kiss against her forehead, and her nose, and the shell of her ear like it’s for good measure. He carries on peppering kisses all over her face until she pushes him away gently.

“Peeta!”

“Okay, I’m going, sorry - I’m going!” but there's a smile in his words and Katniss can feel one forming on her face too because she adores Peeta when he’s like this with her - light and happy and endlessly gentle.

If someone had told her three years ago that this would be her life one day, the girl would have laughed them off, and there are still days in which she doesn’t know what she’s done to deserve the tender intimacy that their domestic life brings with it.

Katniss knows she knows she wouldn’t change it for the world.

ᨒ↟↟ᨒ↟ᨒ↟↟ᨒ

A while later, she shuffles sleepily into the kitchen to find him flipping pancakes.

A quick peck is placed on her hairline when she wraps her arms around his warm chest followed by a murmured, “Hey you.”

Summer sunshine filters through the half-open curtains, bathing Peeta in soft golden light. He looks beautiful like this, Katniss thinks. Beautiful and soft and kind and everything that Katniss is not.

(She has long resigned herself to the fact that she will never be as good as Peeta Mellark).

He gazes down at her, features relaxed and sweet, hand coming up to brush against her cheek.

“Hey,” he murmurs. “You okay?”

It’s a harmless question, but Katniss knows that it holds real concern because Peeta has always worried about her, and being out of the games, out of the war, hasn’t changed that at all.

These early morning checkups have become routine after years of waking up to nightmares and panic attacks. At first, Katniss had been diffident - unsure of how to reply, but now she answers with ease.

“I’m alright. You?”

Peeta smiles in return. “I’m okay. The pancakes are ready.”

They sit beside each other, eating in a comfortable silence until Katniss feels Peeta’s eyes on her.

“Do I have syrup on my face again?” she asks, suddenly self-conscious under his gentle gaze.

Her boy simply shakes his head and smiles as his hand moves forward to tuck her hair behind her ear.

“Just love you a lot,” he whispers.  

He says it like it’s the easiest thing he’s ever said; like loving her is the easiest thing he’s ever done. The proclamation rolling off his tongue as Katniss fights the urge to turn away so he can’t see the heat rising in her face.

Before she can reply, Peeta snorts softly, using his thumb to wipe a spot on her lip.

“You did have syrup on your face though.”

“Peeta!”

She swats at his arm with a gasp but the boy laughs and spins away before she can place a good hit. And then Katniss is smiling too, and everything feels okay.

Peeta comes closer then, pulling her against him, holding her face gently in his hands.

“I was thinking we could go to the lake later? Have lunch there? It’s nice this time of the year.”

“Are you asking me out on a date, Peeta Mellark?” Katniss teases him lightly but in her head she’s already said yes a thousand times.

“That depends,” he murmurs, pushing his nose against hers. “Will you come?”

Katniss nods, a smile tugging at her lips.

“Yes, Peeta, I’ll come.”

ᨒ↟↟ᨒ↟ᨒ↟↟ᨒ

That’s how she finds herself sitting on the banks of the lake later that day, her head resting in Peeta’s lap as the boy traces absentminded patterns on the palm of her hand. He’s talking to her about the renovations at the bakery and Katniss is just happy to listen whilst the sun rests in the sky languidly, casting a warm glow over the lake. Picnic food is spread out around them and Katniss is full and warm of bread and cheese and honey and fruit.

Peeta asks her something she hadn’t been expecting then, breaking through the peaceful bliss.

“Want to go for a swim?”

Katniss shoots him a glance as he nudges her up and stands, brushing himself off as he does so.

“We didn’t bring any swimwear.”

“So?”

And before Katniss can reply, Peeta Mellark starts to take his clothes off.

Katniss gapes as he strips down to his underwear. Neither boasting nor shy in his appearance. Peeta smiles in return.  

“C’mon, Katniss. It’ll be fun.”

“I think we have different ideas of what that word means.” Katniss snipes back, but she moves forward to sit on a rock by the water’s edge anyway as Peeta wades in.

When he’s chest deep in the lake, hands treading lazily by his sides, the boy looks up at her.

“Coming?”

“Don’t we have to wait for thirty minutes after eating?”

“That’s a myth.”

“Okay well the answer is still no.”

Katniss can’t believe it when Peeta pouts - actually pouts.

“Please?”

“Peeta I don’t- my body isn't exactly-” the girl gestures down at herself before looking back at Peeta’s lean muscle and chiselled angles.

The boy is practically perfect- gentle golden curls, perfect blue eyes framed by long eyelashes, a cute dimpled smile. It’s no surprise, she thinks, that the Capitol instantly loved him. The scars that cover his body have faded into pale lines for her to trace.

She, on the other hand, is a shell of rough edges and hard corners. Burn scars trailing all over her spine and shoulders - remnants of the war they managed to survive and a sick reminder of all the people who didn’t. 

Most days she doesn’t mind; convinces herself that if she doesn't look in the mirror, she won’t feel the guilt that the scarring bears.

Other days, Katniss just wants to hide from the world, from Peeta, because no matter how lovely he makes her feel, nothing he does will ever take away the scars of their past.

“Isn’t exactly what, baby?” he prompts her gently.

"I’m not pretty, Peeta.”

And it’s true. Katniss Everdeen isn’t pretty. She has been radiant and bold in the past - striking even - but never pretty.

The boy just tilts his head. "I've got scars too, sweetheart."

“It’s different."

"No,” his voice is gentle. “It’s not.”

Then, he puts his hand forward, reaching out to her from the water.

“Come, Katniss.”

The girl isn’t sure whether it’s the softness in his tone, or the sheer openness in his eyes that convinces her.

“Can you turn around please?”

It’s a stupid request, especially considering the fact that Peeta has literally seen her naked before, but the boy simply nods and turns away without question. Her clothes come off slowly, shirt first, followed by her shorts and lastly her bra (she keeps her underwear on for the sake of modesty).

The water is cool and gentle against her body when Katniss steps in, rippling around her as she wades towards Peeta. When she’s behind the boy, the lake deep enough that its water reaches just under her collarbone, Katniss speaks again, barely a whisper.

“You can look now.”

He turns to look at her and something like pure adoration sweeping over his features as they stare at each other.

And then he’s gathering her up in his arms, holding her against him, skin to skin, and Katniss can’t help the shiver that runs down her spine when Peeta’s large hands move through the water to bracket her waist

“Is this okay?” Peeta murmurs, checking in on her - because for all his teasing and cheek he still values her comfort above all.

“Yeah- yeah it’s okay.” Katniss tries to hide the way her voice shakes a little at the admission.

“Good,” then, “turn around for me, Kat.”

Katniss doesn't have it in her to bristle at the nickname because it sounds like a prayer on Peeta’s lips.

When she does turn, one of Peeta’s hands goes to the centre of her back underwater, fingers sliding over the burn scars that litter her skin as his other hand stays planted firmly on her waist - grounding her.

He traces her scars so lightly that Katniss lets herself relax a little under his ministrations, but when he reaches the nape of her neck, the girl flinches - eyes bursting open as he touches the place where she knows the scarring is worst. A marred patchwork of healed skin which must look and feel different to the rest of her. Peeta coos tenderly as he pulls his hands away gingerly.

"You’re okay, Katniss. Do you want me to stop?"

"No," Katniss mumbles. "No, you can carry on."

He takes her hand in his and spins her around carefully then, so they're face to face once more.

Katniss avoids his gaze desperately, but Peeta places two fingers under her chin and tilts her head up.

“There you are.” he presses a kiss to her forehead and squeezes her hand gently. “I’ve got you.”

Then, the boy breathes deeply as his thumb brushes over her collarbones before moving lower.

“You’re so beautiful. You know that, Katniss?”

“You’re just saying that.”

“I’m not, I swear it, sweetheart. You are the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. I’ve thought so for years. You know that.”

And maybe it makes her selfish to like the way Peeta showers her with compliments - to want him to do it a thousand more times until every last shred of uncertainty and embarrassment is gone - but Katniss can’t help herself.

“Sap.” The word comes out teasing but her voice is thick with emotion.

Peeta laughs, shaking his head. "Still okay?"

"I'm with you," Katniss replies, more serious. "Yes."

They stay in silence for a while longer, so Katniss can only hear Peeta's breaths and the water sloshing around them as his hands continue to travel over her.

Peeta Mellark touches the skin in a way that is near reverent, as if she’s something to be worshipped. As if he’s a cartographer, mapping her out for the first time - the faded meandering scars on her hands, the soft plane of her stomach.

Katniss wonders if he can feel the coils forming inside her too.

“Will you tell me if I hurt you?” Peeta asks, gesturing to her scars. “I know they ache sometimes.”

Katniss wants to laugh at this - tell him that his hands are by far the kindest to have ever touched her body. That she could let him hold her like this for an eternity and then some and it still wouldn’t be enough.

“You would never hurt me, Peeta.”

(Sometimes Peeta needs that reassurance too).

He kisses her then, hands moving up to cradle her head as his lips press against hers gently.

“I love you.”

His words are a gentle promise against her skin and his beam is brighter than the overhead sun when Katniss replies.

“I love you too.”

[sincere1ystar]

my masterlist 🧸

the hunger games + billy the kid (2022)

🎀 requests are open!! (sfw only) 🎀

──────────────────────

The Hunger Games

• Finnick Odair •

Light of my Life

Finnick brings the light back into your life (comfort + fluff)

Sleepy Hellos

late night conversations with Finnick (fluff)

Almost

you two almost have it all but then life changes its plans (angst)

Broken Promises (part 1) , part 2

Finnick comes home late to you after promising he’ll be on time for once (angst?? + hurt part 1, comfort part 2)

Seashore Sweetheart , part 2

sailor Finnick x mermaid reader au (fluff)

Flower Crowns

Making flower crowns with Finnick (fluff)

──────────────────────

• Peeta Mellark•

Hair Braiding

everlark domestic au where their daughter asks peeta to braid her hair (fluff)

──────────────────────

Billy the Kid (2022)

Midnight Miracles

Because of his reputation and the townspeople judgemental words on your relationship, you and Billy can only love freely during the night

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

My THG Journey

Well I guess it just goes to show how long I’ve been lurking around this fandom that I know I’ve done this at least once, maybe twice before. But… given new book content and all, I guess I’ll share a little more than I previously have, too. Thanks to @everlarkedalways for being a champion of keeping the fandom discourse open. I’ve been enjoying reading some of our newer members’ stories and seeing where you come from.

Below a cut because I’m long winded. Sorry. :D

It’s hard to pinpoint one reason why I’m so drawn to The Hunger Games, I think maybe because there’s multiple levels to my love of it, multiple strings of the story connecting it to my heart. 

At first it was that Katniss stole my heart with one sentence. “District Twelve. Where you can starve to death in safety.” Until that moment, I was curious, but somewhat detached. That wry sense of humor though… that hooked me, and I only kept falling deeper for her as the pages went by. It had nothing to do with me relating to her, necessarily. I don’t really see a lot of myself in Katniss, but I still fell in love with her.

Yes, there was that page turning frenzy of “what happens next?!?!?!?” with the first book. Let’s face it, Suzanne really knows how to capture and keep her audience invested. The need to know the end kept me going for a long time.

I’ll confess that my complete love for Katniss actually had me doubtful and suspicious of Peeta for a long time. I didn’t start to trust him until she did. I’ve known and dated guys who sounded or acted like Peeta at first… who say exactly the right thing, do exactly the right thing, but if they don’t really mean it… if their motivations are selfish or manipulative… they eventually show their real selves. In other words, I was expecting Peeta to turn out to be a snake, and he didn’t quite have my love until close to the end of the first book. By the time they went home, though, he’d won me over. By then, I just wanted them both to be happy and safe. 

Since I came to the series around the time the first movie was released, all three books were out, so my binge of the first book turned into a binge of the second. I wasn’t sure what to expect, having miraculously avoided spoilers. Yes, there was some aspect of the romance that caught my heart, and I was inching closer and closer to the Everlark shipping territory with every page, but there was also another aspect of it that really hit home.

Katniss and Peeta’s return to the arena. Round and round we go, where it stops, nobody knows.

My life has been shaped by the military. I was born into it. Military brat for 16 years (which was when my dad retired). Then I joined it. Then I married it.

Two of my good friends were married to each other, and I had thought, such an amazing couple. They always seemed so much stronger together, so supportive. But, he was in the Army and deployment schedules at the time were harsh. It was already several years after the 2003 US invasion of Iraq and the war showed no signs of letting up. They went through a divorce, a really nasty one. But when PTSD turns into domestic abuse and he doesn’t want help… what else can you do? 

We lost him. She lost her husband, and because I was there for her first and foremost (I’d known her longer and in many ways better), I lost him too, one of my good friends. He had been there for me, alongside of her, when my own seriously toxic relationship with my high school sweetheart eventually came to it’s also very ugly end.

Meanwhile, my own spouse’s deployment schedule was just ramping up. Round and round, over and over. The reasons for us even sending troops overseas became murkier by the month. We lost another friend, this one to death. He was the type of person you think “Oh no. Not him,” over. The type you think doesn’t deserve it at all. Round and round with no end in sight.

Add on my spouse coming home with a mild and worsening with each deployment case of PTSD (getting shot at multiple times, almost crashing multiple times, and flying aeromedical evacuation missions and seeing 19 year old kids holding their own intestines together will do that). My bipolar flaring up and starting to become unmanageable depression more than anything else. We were already parents, and I started to wonder if we were even fit to be so, given our mental status. There was always this question of why fight a war if it’s not justified? What justifies that level of violence? Why are we doing this? And… the big piece that I have held quiet for a very long time in this fandom out of fear of judgement, guilt, and a heaping pile of regret…

My job while I was in the military was with a research, test, and development laboratory. To be specific, I worked on weapons development projects. My first job? Testing bombs. Mainly I worked with navigation systems, trying to make anything we dropped as accurate as possible. I rationalized that at least they’d only hurt the people they intend to, right? Except the thing is, once you make that thing and it’s handed over to the military… you lose control of how it’s used, and on whom. The fact is, since my hands were in the creation of that thing, whoever it killed, I had helped kill. Who did I kill? How many??? I don’t know, and it still haunts me to this day. 

Clearly I was not cut out for military service. My dad did try to warn me of that when I signed my life away to them...

My second job was in an entirely different research lab, and with a whole new set of projects. Not bombs this time. Eventually, I was placed on a project that shouldn’t have even existed. To be blunt... It was an illegal weapon. Or it should’ve been classed as one, if it ever saw production. At the time I was put on the project, it was still in the “Can we even make this work?” stages. Without going into gory detail, I will simply say that the manner of death it caused was gruesome and well beyond the realm of “do not cause undo harm.” There’s also the added extension of the fact that it was conceived as a nonlethal weapon and someone said… “can we amp it up and make it lethal?” So they tried. And they succeeded. Which is just wrong on a number of levels.

So I said something. I told my commander that I thought it was wrong to lethalize a nonlethal weapon. It was also just wrong as a lethal weapon period, even without the nonlethal confusion. It violated Geneva Convention, Law of Armed Conflict, and any sense of human decency. I told him we shouldn’t even be playing around with it.

Where are the bounds of what is acceptable to do to another human being?

I protested. I was told to shut up and do my job. So the first chance I had, I left. The channels that should have been there to protect me in terms of speaking up and making a change, did nothing. They gave me the same response. Shut up and do your job, lieutenant.

Maybe leaving the military was the coward’s way out. Maybe all I did was shove the problem into someone else’s lap, but I had run out of apparent options and it was destroying me. One test at a time.

It continued to wreck me as the years went on, and I kept having to say good-bye to my husband, live through nights when I wouldn’t know if I was a widow or not for days at a time. Would I have to explain this to my children one day? How would I even open that conversation? I had left my own military service behind but it was still affecting me. I was losing and gaining weight at scary rates. My hair started falling out. I’d have nightmares or tremors and all kinds of fun things. I started avoiding all of my friends. Barely talked to my sisters or my parents.

And what about the people on the other side of this? The people of Iraq and Afghanistan, and all the other places the USA has dragged it’s fist through? If we were so willing to do these things in theory, what atrocities are we actually committing to others?

And then, one night, about six months before I turned 30, while Mr. KDNFB was once again in harms way on a mission neither of us were even sure was ethical let alone worth his life, I saw an interview on TV that reminded me of those books I had but never read. The book trilogy that had sat on my e-reader, purchased on sale, for months. So I cracked it open and read the whole trilogy in four days. Then went right back for a reread.

By the time I got to Mockingjay the first time, I was, like so many others, incensed and fired up. I wanted the districts to rise up. I wanted Katniss to destroy Snow and overthrow the Capitol. Part of having the military shape my life includes an awful lot of studying military theories and rhetoric. A lot of it now turns my stomach, but at the time of reading the books, I wasn’t yet able to articulate that, or why the philosophies of war I’d studied for so many years, turned my stomach.

Then Suzanne pulled the best bait and switch I’ve ever read. Because instead of giving us Hollywood Blockbuster, she gave us Misery Porn Extraordinaire. And if I was already in love with the characters, Mockingjay made me fall in love with the story itself. She held no punches. She asked the hard questions. She asked her readers to ask and answer the hard questions. She reminded me that if you go to war, no one comes out with clean hands. No one. She did not take the easy way out of Everyone lives! It all turns out well!

No. It doesn’t. It’s a fucking struggle every day you wake up with these things in your life or in your past. Every one of her characters does something that they regret. That harms another person they care about. Or countless, unknown strangers. And yet… and yet… we still love these characters. We don’t think they’re monsters. And at the end of it all… at the end, can you live with your choices? Can you move on and can life be good again?

When I started reading the books, I wasn’t sure for myself. I didn’t think I could. By the time Katniss tells Peeta, “Real.” I started thinking maybe I could.

But in the midst of reading... when I had reached the scene with Katniss and Gale discussing the double exploding bombs and his other designs the first time, I had to walk away. Again. It happened multiple times in Mockingjay, but that was a big one of them. It was so close to my own issues. My own regrets and problems. It was so personal to me by that point. How was this in a book? I’d never read anything like it before!

Maybe it’s ridiculous to place the responsibility for my being able to start pulling myself out of a mental health abyss on a book series, but the thing is… there were so few people in my life who understood what I was going through. Some of it was this feeling of isolation. I didn’t relate to very many of the other spouses in my husband’s units. Making friends whenever we moved (which was stupidly often, until recently we never had the same address for more than 2 years). We lived a fair distance away from my closet friends I still talked to, and both of our families. He was gone so often that I usually felt like there was no one I could call and talk to. There was also that “Shut up and do your job,” still ringing in my brain, a constant reminder that this is what it takes to win a war. But... it shouldn’t be. It’s not.

Also for a very long time, I tended to internalize things, with the rationalization that what other people are going through is much worse and therefore I should just deal with my own problems. Silently. Alone. Soldier on, keep moving.

By the way, that’s a terrible way to live life. Do not recommend.

But the point is, that scene with Gale’s designs was like the proverbial nail in the coffin of my heart. There was no going back for me after that. So… I fell into another abyss. One called fandom. It’s been quite the journey from there -- from lurking to writing in secret to actually posting. Writing THG fanfiction and participating in fandom in the limited way I do has been cathartic in a way I cannot even begin to articulate. That’s why I write stories, lol. I work better in fiction. It has both been a healing experience and a reawakening of a side of me -- the inner storyteller -- I thought died in the midst of that oh so lovely toxic relationship of “young love” way back in high school. That wasn’t love, btw. It was… never mind.

The books aren’t the only thing, obviously. I started seeking help more often. Mr. KDNFB slowly made the shift away from combat oriented jobs to his current one as a Hurricane Hunter, we’ve settled in one area so our kids at least won’t have to deal with the constant uprooting and change. A hundred other small things that make life better, but it all feels like it started to get better with these books.

However, I still, to this day, tend to shy away from certain levels of meta discussion and certain types of fanfiction that hit too close to that final layer of connection I have to the series. The war story. I’m not afraid of pouring on the angst, but I tend to not put them in combat or arenas very often. I’d much rather read and write about Everlark in significantly less gruesome lives and worlds (with lots of smut), and enjoy some of the happier aspects of the story. Maybe it’s escapist, but there you go. 

Still, the war and violence aspect of it, that question of what is acceptable and how do we make it good again even after everything we’ve seen, done, or had done to us, is always there in the back of my mind.

In terms of people in the fandom… I often feel like I’m still that military brat. Friends come and go, but each of them has been special to me in a different kind of way. The landscape is always changing. I’ve never known a place I would call my Home anyways. I’ve always defined it by the people around me. The longest I’ve lived in one spot is six years, and I’m quickly approaching the age of 40 here. But my love for these stories hasn’t waned a bit in the last eight years. My url has only changed once since I started tumblr eight years ago, and that was a fairly early change. I’m somehow still posting Everlark fanfiction with the same psued (going on six years as kdnfb) for longer than I’ve ever lived in one spot. Sometimes I feel like I’ve outlived my welcome and should leave it to younger blogs and writers. More often, I wish I could make that leap from fanfiction to published. We’ll see I guess. I’m not giving up on that dream yet. But, I can’t seem to escape THG fully, lol. Maybe I’ll never be able to, but I’d rather have that round and round than the one I had before.

<3 to you all,

kdnfb