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duckprintspress · 3 years

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Giving Quality, Motivating Feedback

A guest post by @shealynn88!

The new writer in your writing group just sent out their latest story and it’s...not exciting. You know it needs work, but you’re not sure why, or where they should focus.

This is the blog post for you!

Before we get started, it’s important to note that this post isn’t aimed at people doing paid editing work. In the professional world, there are developmental editors, line editors, and copy editors, who all have a different focus. That is not what we’re covering here. Today, we want to help you informally give quality, detailed, encouraging feedback to your fellow writers.

The Unwritten Rules

Everyone seems to have a different understanding of what it means to beta, edit, or give feedback on a piece, so it’s best to be on the same page with your writer before you get started.

Think about what type of work you’re willing and able to do, how much time you have, and how much emotional labor you’re willing to take on. Then talk to your writer about their expectations.

Responsibilities as an editor/beta may include:

Know what the author’s expectation is and don’t overstep. Different people in different stages of writing are looking for, and will need, different types of support. It’s important to know what pieces of the story they want feedback on. If they tell you they don’t want feedback on dialogue, don’t give them feedback on dialogue. Since many terms are ambiguous or misunderstood, it may help you to use the list of story components in the next section to come to an agreement with your writer on what you’ll review.

Don’t offer expertise you don’t have. If your friend needs advice on their horse book and you know nothing about horses, be clear that your read through will not include any horse fact checking. Don’t offer grammar advice if you’re not good at grammar. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give feedback on things you do notice, but don’t misrepresent yourself, and understand your own limits.

Give positive and constructive feedback. It is important for a writer to know when something is working well. Don’t skimp on specific positive feedback — this is how you keep writers motivated. On the other hand, giving constructive feedback indicates where there are issues. Be specific on what you’re seeing and why it’s an issue. It can be hard for someone to improve if they don’t understand what’s wrong.

Be clear about your timing and availability, and provide updates if either changes. Typically, you’ll be doing this for free, as you’re able to fit it in your schedule. But it can be nerve wracking to hand your writing over for feedback and then hear nothing. For everyone’s sanity, keep the writer up to date on your expected timeline and let them know if you’re delayed for some reason. If you cannot complete the project for them, let them know. This could be for any reason — needing to withdraw, whatever the cause, is valid! It could be because working with the writer is tough, you don’t enjoy the story, life got tough, you got tired, etc. All of that is fine; just let them know that you won’t be able to continue working on the project.

Be honest if there are story aspects you can’t be objective about. Nearly all of your feedback is going to be personal opinion. There are some story elements that will evoke strong personal feelings. They can be tropes, styles, specific characterizations, or squicks. In these cases, ask the writer to get another opinion on that particular aspect, or, if you really want to continue, find similar published content to review and see if you can get a better sense of how other writers have handled it.

Don’t get personal. Your feedback should talk about the characters, the narrator, the plotline, the sentence structure, or other aspects of the story. Avoid making ‘you’ statements or judgements, suggested or explicit, in your feedback. Unless you’re looking at grammar or spelling, most of the feedback you’ll have will be your opinion. Don’t present it as fact.

Your expectations of the writer/friend/group member you are working with may include:

Being gracious in accepting feedback. A writer may provide explanations for an issue you noticed or seek to discuss your suggestions. However, if they constantly argue with you, that may be an indicator to step back.

Being responsible for emotional reactions to getting feedback. While getting feedback can be hard on the ego and self esteem, that is something the writer needs to work on themselves. While you can provide reassurance and do emotional labor if you’re comfortable, it is also very reasonable to step back if the writer isn’t ready to do that work.

Making the final choice regarding changes to the work. The writer should have a degree of confidence in accepting or rejecting your feedback based on their own sense of the story. While they may consult you on this, the onus is on them to make changes that preserve the core of the story they want to tell.

Some people aren’t ready for feedback, even though they’re seeking it. You’re not signing up to be a psychologist, a best friend, or an emotional support editor. You can let people know in advance that these are your expectations, or you can just keep them in mind for your own mental health. As stated above, you can always step back from a project, and if writers aren’t able to follow these few guidelines, it might be a good time to do that. (It’s also worth making sure that, as a writer, you’re able to give these things to your beta/editor.)

Specificity is Key

One of the hardest things in editing is pinning down the ‘whys’ of unexciting work, so let’s split the writing into several components and talk about evaluations you can make for each one.

You can also give this list to your writer ahead of time as a checklist, to see which things they want your feedback on.

Generally, your goal is going to be to help people improve incrementally. Each story they write should be better than the previous one, so you don’t need to go through every component for every story you edit. Generally, I wouldn’t suggest more than 3 editing rounds on any single story that isn’t intended for publication. Think of the ‘many pots’ theory — people who are honing their craft will improve more quickly by writing a lot of stories instead of incessantly polishing one.

With this in mind, try addressing issues in the order below, from general to precise. It doesn’t make sense to critique grammar and sentence structure if the plot isn’t solid, and it can be very hard on a writer to get feedback on all these components at once. If a piece is an early or rough draft, try evaluating no more than four components at a time, and give specific feedback on what does and doesn’t work, and why.

High Level Components

Character arc/motivation:

Does each character have a unique voice, or do they all sound the same?

In dialogue, are character voices preserved? Do they make vocabulary and sentence-structure choices that fit with how they’re being portrayed?

Does each character have specific motivations and focuses that are theirs alone?

Does each character move through the plot naturally, or do they seem to be shoehorned/railroaded into situations or decisions for the sake of the plot? Be specific about which character actions work and which don’t. Tell the writer what you see as their motivation/arc and why—and point out specific lines that indicate that motivation to you.

Does each character's motivation seem to come naturally from your knowledge of them?

Are you invested (either positively or negatively) in the characters? If not, why not? Is it that they have nothing in common with you? Do you not understand where they’re coming from? Are they too perfect or too unsympathetic?

Theme:

It’s a good idea to summarize the story and its moral from your point of view and provide that insight to the writer. This can help them understand if the points they were trying to make come through. The theme should tie in closely with the character arcs. If not, provide detailed feedback on where it does and doesn’t tie in.

Plot Structure:

For most issues with plot structure, you can narrow them down to pacing, characterization, logical progression, or unsatisfying resolution. Be specific about the issues you see and, when things are working well, point that out, too.

Is there conflict that interests you? Does it feel real?

Is there a climax? Do you feel drawn into it?

Do the plot points feel like logical steps within the story?

Is the resolution tied to the characters and their growth? Typically this will feel more real and relevant and satisfying than something you could never have seen coming.

Is the end satisfying? If not, is it because you felt the end sooner and the story kept going? Is it because too many threads were left unresolved? Is it just a matter of that last sentence or two being lackluster?

Point Of View:

Is the point of view clear and consistent?

Is the writing style and structure consistent with that point of view? For example, if a writer is working in first person or close third person, the style of the writing should reflect the way the character thinks. This extends to grammar, sentence structure, general vocabulary and profanity outside of the dialogue.

If there is head hopping (where the point of view changes from chapter to chapter or section to section), is it clear in the first few sentences whose point of view you’re now in? Chapter headers can be helpful, but it should be clear using structural, emotional, and stylistic changes that you’re with a new character now.

Are all five senses engaged? Does the character in question interact with their environment in realistic, consistent ways that reflect how people actually interact with the world?

Sometimes the point of view can feel odd if it’s too consistent. Humans don’t typically think logically and linearly all the time, so being in someone’s head may sometimes be contradictory or illogical. If it’s too straightforward, it might not ‘feel’ real.

Be specific about the areas that don’t work and break them down based on the questions above.

Pacing:

Does the story jump around, leaving you confused about what took place when?

Do some scenes move quickly where others drag, and does that make sense within the story?

If pacing isn’t working, often it’s about the level of detail or the sentence structure. Provide detailed feedback about what you care about in a given scene to help a writer focus in.

Setting:

Is the setting clear and specific? Writing with specific place details is typically more rooted, interesting, and unique. If you find the setting vague and/or uninteresting and/or irrelevant, you might suggest replacing vague references — ‘favorite band’, ‘coffee shop on the corner’, ‘the office building’ — with specific names to ground the setting and make it feel more real.

It might also be a lack of specific detail in a scene that provides context beyond the characters themselves. Provide specific suggestions of what you feel like you’re missing. Is it in a specific scene, or throughout the story? Are there scenes that work well within the story, where others feel less grounded? Why?

Low Level Components

Flow/Sentence Structure:

Sentence length and paragraph length should vary. The flow should feel natural.

When finding yourself ‘sticking’ on certain sentences, provide specific feedback on why they aren’t working. Examples are rhythm, vocabulary, subject matter (maybe something is off topic), ‘action’ vs ‘explanation’, passive vs. active voice.

Style/Vocabulary:

Writing style should be consistent with the story — flowery prose works well for mythic or historical pieces and stories that use that type of language are typically slower moving. Quick action and short sentences are a better fit for murder mysteries, suspense, or modern, lighter fiction.

Style should be consistent within the story — it may vary slightly to show how quickly action is happening, but you shouldn’t feel like you’re reading two different stories.

SPAG (Spelling and Grammar):

Consider spelling and grammar in the context of the point of view, style and location of the story (eg, England vs. America vs. Australia).

If a point of view typically uses incorrect grammar, a SPAG check will include making sure that it doesn’t suddenly fall into perfect grammar for a while. In this case, consistency is going to be important to the story feeling authentic.

Word Count Requirements:

If the story has been written for a project, bang, anthology, zine, or other format that involves a required word count minimum or maximum, and the story is significantly over or under the aimed-for word count (30% or more/less), it may not make sense to go through larger edits until the sizing is closer to requirements. But, as a general rule, I’d say word count is one of the last things to worry about.

The best thing we can do for another writer is to keep them writing. Every single person will improve if they keep going. Encouragement is the most important feedback of all.

I hope this has helped you think about how you provide feedback. Let us know if you have other tips or tricks! This works best as a collaborative process where we all can support one another!

#duck prints press #original content #writing advice #guest blogger #guest blogger shea

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the-resurrection-3d · 2 years

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by mistake, I posted this to a different blog of yours, and since I'm never going to be able to find that blog again on my own, here's the question repeated: how do you post on the archive so often? / how do you write so damn fast???? everytime I check there are a couple new works from you. I respect it, but I'm also super baffled :) seriously how do you do it? I'm new and struggling and all the free time in the world couldn't help me.

LOL, I see the other ask in my mentions-- just so everyone is on the same page, @drake-the-incubus and I are different people. But I get how you made that mistake.

Here's the God's honest truth: I learned to write fast by accepting that most of my writing is bullshit. Seriously! The more comfortable you are with writing hot garbage, the more you will write-- there have been actual published works I've been paid actual money for that were such trashfires on their first drafts that I had to edit every single sentence.

My all-time favorite bit of creative advice comes from the dancer Martha Graham, where she says that:

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open."

So whenever I have an idea, I'll try to write it out in some fashion, even if it's just a sentence of description or line of dialogue. My notes app is FILLED with lines that go nowhere, but they add up quickly, and they're there if I ever need them.

I also take a "by any means necessary" approach to finishing drafts for things I want/need to finish, so I'll change tenses mid-scene, or skip a few lines and go [INSERT INTRO PARAGRAPH HERE], or what have you. Last fall, I was so mentally exhausted by grad school that I wrote the first draft of one final paper by writing a few words and then just hitting the enter key to start a whole new thought -- I couldn't even hold myself together long enough to finish a sentence. But I got the draft done, and eventually the edited paper.

So, for me, this "keeping the channel open" also means cutting right to the heart of what I want to write and often not bothering with how I get there -- as I'm sure you've noticed, most of my fics are oneshots, and most of the oneshots are only a scene or two, lol. Start a short story as close to the end as possible, as Kurt Vonnegut once said.

And if it makes you feel any better: I honestly think it's funny you sent me (and other Drake) this ask, because I personally feel behind a lot of the writers I follow, lmaooo. I follow people who professionally publish 20+ poems a year or who post a new fic almost every single day. So don't beat yourself up about your writing speed -- instead, think of your creative mind as a muscle that you can work out, little by little, and grow stronger. I saw this on my pro-twt a few days ago, and I think it's helpful now:

(As a side note, I don't even write every day, lmaoooooo.)

Anyway, I hope this helps! I also go over some other general writing tips here in this post. And you're welcome to ask for clarification or more advice if you have any other questions! I love talking about writing. c:

#2d nonsense

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writtenwhalien · 3 years

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hi !! i am a follower of your blog ! and i absolutely ADORE your works !!! like ksskjsjsjsjss i actually wanted some advice?? please feel free to not answer it !!! nowadays i feel like i should open a writing blog since i have soooo many ideas that i think could be really good plots?? but when i like think that YES !!!! i can do it ! i realise that i can't just throw some words together and get a good quality fic! i then look at all the other authors and their works and think that WOW !i could never do THAT !!! i just don't know how to start writing since i am not so good words like others are also i am kinda scared that if i start it and if i am not updating on regular intervals then people might not support my page?? like tbh i am kinda scared that my family might get to know abt my tumblr...like they don't know abt it and they are VERY strict when it comes to anything distracting me from my college studies....so i just am kinda confused

hey hey hey :) thank you for reading my works, that means a lot to me!!! 🥰🥰 as for your question, honestly, my simple answer is just start!!!!

(this got longer than I expected so see below the cut for more!)

don’t over complicate it. you have ideas so jot them down, pick one that appeals to you the most and go with it. once you’ve started, you’ll learn so much about the writing process and what works for you bc every single writer is different.

e.g. some writers (like me), like to write in chronological order, while others write scenes and piece them together. or you can be someone who combines the two and starts to write but leaves some blank parts out to come back to.

another thing is that writing is a really unique process to everyone, and it realky does take time to improve. when I first started, I was actually so terrible and I look back at some of my first works like ????? 😂 but over time I improved a lot more!!! + even though I read a lot (mostly in the past now LOL), my writing was still shit until I was reading at the time I started writing, and then I paid much more attention to things like sentence structure/how to keep a scene flowing without dialogue/even expressing emotions through body language etc. (still always learning though!!!)

also, you might realise as you start that there’s gaps in the writing process, (this happened to me a lot when I started and still does sometimes):

you have an overall idea but don’t know exactly how the scenes should play out, or how to get from point A to point B — say it’s the characters being friends (A) to becoming friends with benefits (B), before the main bulk of the story which is their journey from fwb to lovers;; it can feel a little discouraging but just go with it and give yourself time if you need to. the ideas will come to you naturally but it takes time to work it all out/maybe you need to sit and force yourself to think hard (this has worked for me before), and you won’t know how to deal with it until you start.

about taking intervals: don’t worry about it :)) a lot of blogs I know don’t post regularly either and it really doesn’t matter. if people like what they read, they’ll stay!

that said, consistency is key with growing your blog so maybe even writing drabbles/taking requests at first can be a good starting point (which might help with you developing your writing skills). taglist’s can help with this if you want to notify readers of your return with a new update. + about the family, you can keep your tumblr personal to you, just make sure you prioritise your real life and education first, that’s more important!!! 💓

#asks 💌#amelia talks <3 #q

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rpbetter · 3 years

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Sorry if this isn't the place to ask but I'm in need of advice. I have a canon character I truly adore, but I haven't gotten muse or any opportunity to write them at all. My blog is collecting dust and the fandom is kinda dead at this point. Not to mention, it's hard to find compatible writing partners, especially with how picky I can be. I'm honestly considering deactivating the blog (for the nth time), but I don't want to lose the writing I have. I know I could archive, but I hate having blogs just sitting around.

In short, I really want to write the muse/keep the blog but I'm not getting any incentive to do that.

Hello, Anon, it’s totally the place to ask!

I will say, though, that since finding and keeping muse can be flavored rather personally, I can’t promise that what works for me is going to work for you. I’ll even confess that in over two decades, I’ve never personally lost muse. I don’t know if it is due to underlying, neurodiverse style, fixating, or if it is due to keeping myself continually invested in both my muse and writing regardless of what else is going on. (Probably a combination of both, though, and the things I do to keep myself highly in touch with my muse I’ll be recommending.) I’m definitely happy to try to help, however.

That really is a very frustrating spot to be in, wanting to write the muse and keep your blog active, but logging in every day to be reminded of what little reason you have to do so. Since we’re drawn to the characters we are for reasons of personal appeal and writing in itself is a pretty personal form of art, it can also feel depressing on top of the frustration.

However, that’s also the good news, in my opinion, because your incentive here is, or can be, yourself.

You were drawn to this character because you connected with them. They mean something to you, you can relate to them, maybe they have qualities (good or bad) that you wish you could experience. Whatever it is, there’s a reason why you had this draw. Writing is like that as well, there’s a reason why this is a hobby that drew you, that you get enjoyment out of. Again, though all art (it doesn’t matter if it is a hobby) has personal bits of the artist in it, writing is uniquely personal. When you write, you’re exploring thoughts and feelings, giving them life in a character that matters to you. I know, all of that sounds really convoluted and hokey, but it’s true.

And it’s good! That means you always have a reason to write and that you have the tools necessary to find and keep muse without any outside push necessary.

I’d say, firstly, work on getting muse back.

Get back in touch with your muse the next time you feel a particularly strong urge to write. Instead of spending time trying to find people in a silent fandom or forcing yourself to write something you don’t want to, just do some exercises that will help you get back into your muse.

I don’t know what media type your character comes from, but especially if it is something like movie or show that you can have on in the background of what you’re doing, do that. If it’s a comic or a book, think about your favorite scene and read it over first. If you’ve ever made some playlists for writing/your muse, you can always do that instead or as well. The point is to do something passively inspiring while you actively create. Now, that creating...

You want to do something that requires you to think about your muse so you can get in touch with them, not something that is going to make you feel overwhelmed and shut down. So, maybe don’t pick writing prompts for this - you can work up to that. Try out headcanon and character development memes and other question lists instead for right now. Things you can scroll down a list of, find questions that jump out as interesting (or even simply answerable to you at this point, you’re jump-starting a dead battery, it’s alright) and answer them. You can also do something as simple as write down what you like best about the character or their story, or put down the basics of filling in missing information that has always bugged you.

The beauty of this is that it is all on your own terms, your only objective here is to answer what you want, as much as you want. You can stop any time, but you can also answer a single question for three hours, making it eight pages long if the inspiration strikes you. It’s only about recharging your inspiration and establishing a connection with your character again. (This is also going to help you with getting back into writing, or approaching it for the first time, with a more internalized focus of interest.)

When you feel like you’ve done that, you can branch out on these exercises more. Answer the memes more in-depth, answer more of them/the ones you don’t have immediate answers for. You can also try writing out scenes from the character’s canon from their perspective, if it wasn’t already so, adding in their thoughts and feelings, or changing the scene in some ways that would be interesting to write out. This is the point where it’s a good idea to try a writing prompt or two, as well! Take the prompt as a sort of starter sentence from a mutual, you’ve got the situation, fill in with your muse.

Write when you feel like writing. The RPC is great at saying this when it comes to muns not wanting to write, but kind of ignores the other side of the equation. The side where you want to write, have the inspiration and muse to do so, but it might not be the best time. As in, you’re not home/wherever you usually write, with whatever device you tend to write on accessible. No, you’re not going to be able to get as much done, but you can write without the usual situation and device regardless. You can write a scene or ideas down using your phone or tablet, or go old school and use a notebook. If you’re at work and your job isn’t applicable to being able to get down a single sentence, that still doesn’t mean you have to wait 8+ hours to get home; while you’re taking your break, write a little bit. It is a break, and writing is your hobby, it isn’t work. It’s good to do things you enjoy on breaks, and far more fulfilling to have also accomplished something you happen to enjoy.

Not writing when you have the drive to do, putting it off and holding it in until “the perfect moment,” is a great way to lose your inspiration and never actually have that moment. If you feel like doing it, that means it is the perfect moment. Life is restricting, don’t impose even more restrictions on yourself by having to be at home, in a specific spot, with a specific device, at a specific time, on a specific day. Was that annoying repetition? You’re right, it was. And that’s how your creative mind processes all the crap piled onto it that doesn’t allow for creativity.

Now, the other problem, the fandom situation.

There isn’t anything you can do about that, to be absolutely honest. I’m not going to blow smoke and tell you to be positive, wait it out, maybe the fandom will spring to life again. You know, maybe it will...but you could be waiting literal decades for that to happen. Not cool. Please, take my word for that, it’s personal experience that it blows even more than you imagine it will.

What you can do is take the matter into your own hands in other ways; putting yourself out there with more availability in multiple ways.

Are you a single-fandom blog, or are you crossover friendly? If you’re not crossover friendly, try to think of a single, relatively popular fandom that you enjoy. Don’t look at it like a hassle, but rather, just another creative exercise. A serious pitfall of creating alternate universe versions of muses is to take the simplest route, merely picking something you want from that other universe and applying it to your muse with no relevant changes that would naturally occur from it. It isn’t just reductive as hell, it’s not remotely creative, it’s like sticking a sticker on your muse’s forehead and saying that’s a whole different muse. It’s neither attractive to potential partners nor going to sustain your own interest for long. You want this to be a passionate investment on your own end, for yourself.

What not to do:

Let’s say the fandom you picked to do crossovers with is based around magic, the main characters are witches, and they are divided into factions based on how their magical talents display and develop. Not only do you decide to make your muse a witch, you pick the most badass faction. It’s the one full of assassins and action and (metaphorically or literally) sex appeal. Well, that’s also going to be the most popular faction in the fandom. That means there will not only be plenty of big name canons there but also that there’s going to be a plethora of OCs designed just for this universe...and other crossovers from other currently active fandoms.

While that might sound like it’s great for maximizing interaction chances, it’s really not when you’re just starting somewhere new with a character from another fandom that might not be known or liked. It can also take a minute in another fandom’s RPC to identify where the good partners are. Every now and then, it is the most popular and over-populous era/faction/etc., but most of the time, it isn’t. People who write with considerable dedication and talent fairly rarely are in the popular kids club even in their fandom choices. By inserting yourself into that area, you might be bypassing (and being bypassed) by better partners on the assumption that their characters are simply going to bore you to death since they’re not within the scope of your focal point.

It’s not a situation of not being allowed to be picky, you not only have that right regardless of your situation, you also should be. This is not a “beggars can’t be choosers” situation, you’re not beholden to anyone on the basis of being new and bored. However, some of my best, and longest lasting, writing partners over all 23 years I’ve been RPing didn’t/don’t fit with all the exact surface details that automatically draw my interest. It is as true within my own fandom as it is in dealing with crossovers. Opposites (with enough similarities) really do attract and work out well together!

Don’t judge and write people off for anything that isn’t an issue of compatibility with your muse, your writing, or yourself. Decline someone because they do one line only and you are novella, they write topics that are upsetting to you, you can see no way your muse and theirs can interact without instant murder, or because you cannot stand writing with someone who is pulling 90% aesthetics and purple prose. Not because their muse is a witch who uses life-based magic, loves nature, is a healer, and into their health...while your muse in this AU is all about the death, only appreciates an urban environment and is grossed out by animals, kills as an occupation, lives on cheeseburgers and caffeine. You see what I’m saying? Don’t limit yourself unnecessarily!

What to do:

Did you consider if, in that hypothetical idea of a fandom, your muse based on their purely canon self would even fit into that faction? Or is it just something you wanted to see? If you didn’t consider this, or it was the latter, fix that. That’s bad.

If you’re not absolutely dead set on that and only that, think about what really does fit the muse better. Maybe, they would be better as a healer, someone who messes with the very fabric of reality, or someone who manipulates natural elements at will. Then again, they might not even be a witch. They could be more mundane in terms of power, but more accurate and interesting as a normal, human (or whatever). They could even be greatly opposed to the use of magic and witches. Use your muse’s original canon as a base to decide these things.

If you are absolutely dead set on it, though, you have a lot of work to do making the character into what amounts to a markedly different one while still retaining some recognizable aspects of themselves. Consider what events, in this new universe of fandom, might have happened to alter the character thus. Keep in mind that even small changes can have great consequences in a character’s development, and you might need to think about the myriad ways in which that can display, how it changes still more things for this character.

While that job becomes so much more intense when you haven’t planned out a path that matches your muse’s canon characterization at all, it is still an important part of constructing an AU, of any kind, in general. Ask yourself what experiences led to the character you know as you already know them (including your own headcanons, yes). Then, find similar possible experiences within your new fandom verse that can have the same effect. Again, though, it’s important to understand that you are never going to have an identical set of experiences, so you need to explore relevant changes still.

When you do this, you’re allowing your muse to more seamlessly fit into this other universe in a fleshed out, interesting way. Interesting both new partners and yourself.

Okay, next obnoxious question from me! Do you have multiple verses, or are you single-verse?

Whether you are already exploring new fandoms or not, by creating a variety of verses for others to interact with, you’re increasing your chances for interest and activity. When you have a verse from a different fandom you can then, additionally, advertise your presence in both that fandom’s tags when you do a promo or applicable open starter and on active RPer lists for that fandom.

Every popular fandom has such lists. You can get on them by messaging/sending an ask to the blog or by reblogging their post to be added, following the directions. I haven’t seen one yet that doesn’t allow for crossovers. You simply have to tag it as stated in the post, such as “your canon’s name here - original fandom name - crossover.” By tagging your open starter or promo as “-insert fandom here- rp” and “-fandom here- open starter” you allow people in that fandom to find you to interact. Either way is excellent for getting started in totally new places with a character others might be unfamiliar with.

Please remember that if you tag a promo as “promo,” it’ll not show up in searches off of your blog. You know, where it actually needs to be searched. Thanks, tumblr, for being janky! Being more specific as to the fandom and character will help others actually find you. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot by tagging it as “promo.”

Make your verses accessible on your blog itself, in the nature of those verses, and how you set up your page or post that lists them.

Don’t put any page behind an impossible or complicated aesthetic. You really shouldn’t anyway, but when you’re needing interactions, it’s actively hurting your chances. Many people don’t want to have to play a game with your theme, it’s a turn off. Try a pinned post that lists all of your links to important pages like rules, verses, and bio instead. It means that, even from the dash, that information can quickly be found while other muns are first interested, and also that anyone who might be using the app can access it more expediently. (I’m genuinely not a fan or big supporter of doing google docs for rules, verses, bios, etc., as it forces people off site, so I can’t personally say, in good conscious and honesty, that I’d recommend it, but you do you!) You want to keep things quickly accessible is the idea here; when people are interested, you want to catch them right then and there before they have a chance to forget and lose your blog.

As to the nature of the verses themselves, give people real options. Don’t have 20 verses that all read same way. Same themes, plot possibilities, and backstories, or incredibly similar names. Have a diverse list of verses that can act as foundations for a variety of different muns. As many fandoms as you can reasonably have a good portrayal of, and different types of fandoms; not all the same genre (all fantasy, all horror, all scifi). Verses where your muse has substantially different goals, occupations, and other life situations that will involve another muse; don’t make your muse A Warrior™ in every verse, you can keep plenty of those aspects without being that literal. People love “modern” verses set in our own universe and, usually, in our own era. That doesn’t mean you have to go stereotypical or otherwise bore yourself by doing the standard “high school/college verse,” for instance. You don’t even have to designate that sort of thing, let alone make it the focus; simply create the verse by considering what your character really would be like if they existed within your reality.

As a final note on verses as pertains to this point, when you’re doing crossover verses, it’s alright to do some verses where your muse from their own canon existence somehow ends up teleported or whatever to another fandom’s reality, or even our own. Just don’t make every verse like this, it puts the onus of a great deal of creativity and effort onto the other mun by default; your muse has cluelessly dropped into the universe, and while it is high drama time for you, the other mun has to babysit, educate, deal with fallout, etc.

On making the list of your verses accessible, you want to focus on ease of browsing and not being overwhelming. People tend to look through a verse page and not read every verse listed, rather, they look at the titles and breakdowns to see if it is of interest, then read it. Don’t try to make everyone read them all, it isn’t going to happen, and shouldn’t change your effort any as the right people are going to find the verses that interest them...if you make it clear and easy enough.

Have a basic format you stick to, firstly. I do it this way: small verse banner, title of verse (linked to its overall tag so that muns can look through the tag at headcanons, aesthetics, pictures of the FC, and threads), muse age/age range, small blurb, possible triggers found uniquely or just heavily within this verse. In that order, one following the other in a simple, but pleasing way. Below that, is a more in depth breakdown of the “verse canon.” Sometimes, that is giving a brief rehashing of canon itself and anywhere my muse differs, be it in this verse only or overall, ending with where my muse is in this verse. Not literally where. I mean their present occupation, emotional and general state in life. At the very end, I provide any other relevant links and/or an expansion on the triggers mentioned at the top of the verse description if they’re that serious/recurrent so that muns can decide this isn’t the verse for them. I happen to have a potentially triggering muse, triggering verses, and writing triggering topics, though. That’s not something everyone needs to do.

Secondly, group your verses in a sensible way. I do my short list of default verses first. (And, I do mean short, you don’t want this be any more than four or five, it is overwhelming right out of the gate.) For me, that is two default verses of canon at different points on the timeline, one default AU that is a bit of a reversal of canon, and one default “modern” verse. Then, I list the verses that are in line with the altered canon one, just different possibilities, changes, points in history. After that, the different “modern” verse options. Then, verses for other fandoms, the crossover verses. And so on. This way, a potential partner can find the type of verse that might appeal to them and have an easier time picking from those possibilities and getting ideas.

Lastly, don’t be so succinct that you give too little information and underwhelm, but also don’t be so excessive that it takes all of the mystery of interaction away and overwhelms someone. It can be a difficult balance to strike, and some verses require more information than others, just experiment a bit. Additionally, it’s fine to link to pertinent information for the other mun to view aside from this, but don’t just link people to a fandom wiki as your “description/bio.” That isn’t giving information on how you write this muse, approach this fandom, or what another mun can otherwise expect. Keeping your descriptions interesting is important, you’re not giving a boring lecture, you’re trying to inform someone while making them hyped for their choices. It’s more interesting, and informative, to read if you do them with an ear to the “tone” of your muse in that verse. Is it a sad one? Sound that way. These can, indeed, function as snippets of your writing, so be sure you are writing them with the same care you should be giving your replies; spellcheck, good word flow and use, mind the grammar, and read over what you’ve written for common, easy mistakes.

Again, by giving a genuine variety of verses to choose from, you’re allowing for a greater reach in potential partners. Everyone from those still in your original fandom to those in new ones, all the way to fandomless muses will be able to interact with you this way.

Finally, in regards to what you can change or do when you’re in a dead fandom and seeking interactions; make sure you are increasing your reach by using proper tags, being honest about what and how you write, and don’t wait for others to stumble across you.

When you use tags properly, you’re increasing your chances of being seen at all. Every time you post something at all applicable on your blog, tag it with relevant things. Tag as described above with whatever fandom it is and “RP,” your character’s name, “open RP,” character name and RP, indie RP, open starter, and so on. Be sure you are optimizing your tags by placing the most relevant to finding you in the first four, those are what show up in site-wide searches only. Anything after that isn’t going to appear in a search across all tumblr.

By tagging your character’s name, as a canon, you should know that you are likely to get personal blog interaction. I’m pretty against being nasty to personal blogs for no reason, as I don’t appreciate personal and fandom blogs being shitty to me for the sole reason that I am an RPer. Please, use clear, short, attention getting directions for them. If you want no interactions with them, put right in the description of your blog “RP blog, does not interact with personal blogs.” When you say things like, “personals dni,” or “personals blocked,” you’re not doing anyone any favors. Personal blogs often don’t even know what the hell a personal blog even is! They do not denote themselves this way, to a personal blog, they’re just a blog. By designating first that you are an RP blog, you’re making it clearer that they’re the personal; they’re obviously not an RP blog, so that must make them a personal. Follow this up in a pinned post, right on top. Give a note to personal blogs that describes them as “any blog that isn’t an RP blog” first, then either tell them in brief what they can and can’t do or that you don’t interact and will block.

I don’t recommend taking your blog off of being findable, however. That’s alright once you have the RP activity you are looking for, but until then, it’s working against you. Other RP blogs cannot easily find you either, they will only find you if you’re on a list or appear in their recommended blogs, if you interact with a mutual, or are recommended by a mutual. You’re not just lessening your chances of personal blogs finding you, so if you have that turned off, turn it back on.

Don’t entirely rely on others finding you regardless, though. You can’t be 100% passive when you have no interactions, and by relying solely on serendipity you’re far less likely to get them. I know that everyone here is terminally shy, but seriously, you have to do more than put your silent will into the universe that someone perfect find you. You have to make this happen. Once you get a few people, you can afford to be more passive. Not only do you have some people to write with, you will be more visible to their mutuals, and more established as a presence. I’m not saying this is easy, or that it will become easy, not awkward or stressful, if you have a legitimate issue behind the shyness. Just that it is the only way to really proceed, and I believe you can do it!

So, go looking for interesting blogs. Be crossover and OC friendly (again, this doesn’t mean “accept everyone,” there are valid reasons for not accepting people you won’t work out with that have nothing to do with their fandom or being an OC), and search those fandom’s RPCs, following any blogs you think you might work out with upon reading their rules and other pages. Search for fandomless OCs and do the same thing. Fandomless OCs aren’t just floating around in the ether, they just weren’t created expressly for a particular fandom and within its confines. What is excellent about that is their ability to have a wide variety of verses and many possibilities to fit into any fandom or verse. So, don’t count them out solely on the basis of being an OC and fandomless. It doesn’t mean what people seem to think it does!

Do not stop at having followed 50 blogs. I mean, other than that you probably should stop following people for a bit. That you should do, as you need to be building writing relationships here, not following so many people that you cannot get to them. Don’t just stop at the follow, though. Since you’ve read their rules and information like a good RP partner, you should have some idea of what their interests are and where they align with yours, as well as how they prefer to be approached, if they accept memes right away to start, need plotting, have a rules password. When they’ve followed you back, proceed with interaction!

Ask if they’d like to plot when they have time, you’re really looking forward to writing with them. But...have some idea of a plot, please. It is a serious turn off to have someone message you wanting to plot, only to reply and get “lol I don’t have any ideas, anything works for me/whatever you want to do.” That isn’t plotting, it’s one party coming up with ideas and constructing a plot while they’re being told “I’m fine with anything.” That may be true, but it’s disheartening and a red flag for many people. If you genuinely can’t come up with anything, pick verses that match up well and suggest doing something within them.

“When you have the time, would you be interested in discussing writing? I was looking at your verses, and I think your verse -name- and mine, -verse name-, would mesh well.” Is a good way to start. Once you have a discussion flowing about the verses meshing and the muses, it’s typically easy to organically develop some plot ideas to go off of.

If both you and the other mun are alright with plot-free interaction and memes, you can send a meme any time. If you can’t find any memes on their blog, look for a wishlist or navigation page that shows you the tags for memes/wishlist. Still can’t find it? Ask them if they’ve got a wishlist or meme tag you can look through.

Additionally, if open starters are a thing you both do and are alright with, find some of theirs and respond. Post your own, tag it appropriately to be found in general and on your blog, and reblog it once or twice. Don’t excessively reblog it, and don’t get upset on the dash if no one interacts with it or any memes you reblog. Both are demanding to outright guilting, and not a good way to get partners. Just provide them with the ability to easily interact by making the posts available in the first place and by making them findable on your blog search and navigation.

Provide something for potential partners to see. Since you said you already do have writing, that’s great! That’s content on your blog that your partners can view. However, since you’re also having the issues you’ve stated, it’s likely that you haven’t many new posts. Show that you are active, interested in being here, and how you write your muse (and in general) by posting some newer content. For original content, do a headcanon or some meta, or post about new verses you are adding, the changes on your blog, a promo. For reblogs, things pertaining to your muse like canon imagery, fanart, quotes from canon or that generally express your muse, and aesthetics relevant to your muse are all excellent things to queue.

Use that queue. Not only do very few people appreciate having dash spam of similar content for the comparatively short time you might be around, but also, running these things on a queue means you spread that out for maximum view. While there are hours of heavier activity, you’ll have mutuals who are on at unusual hours due to their life and preferences or their timezone. This way, you’re not appearing inactive, if not outright invisible, to those mutuals. It’s not a bad idea to use a queue tag so that people know if they interact with a post that’s been queued, you might be here to quickly respond.

Ultimately, to fix your fandom and lacking partners problem, you just need to up your availability and reach beyond that fandom alone. Be proactive in following and approaching, decline blogs based on not working out only, utilize tags and fandom RPer lists, have everything on your blog easy to follow and not overwhelming, and have your verses meet as wide of a range of people as possible while also not being overwhelming.

Try updating your promo, as well, by the way. They’re not dead, they just really tanked when people kept making them based solely on aesthetic principle instead of being at all informative about the muse. They do seem to be coming back, so it’s a thing to consider.

Yes, make it visually appealing, it will draw people to reading it. No, do not just use a song lyric or quote with words highlighted linking your rules, verses, bio. Tell people basic info like the age of your muse and yourself, if you are multiverse and multiship, your muse’s canon verse and a couple of big interest verses of other major fandoms or themes that tend to be of interest to people, and what kind of RP you write - one line/para/multipara/novella. Absolutely give links to rules, verses, bio, and either memes, wishlist, or open starters, but give them just like that; make it very clear what this link is to. Put a very short statement of interest on there denoting that you’re expanding to new fandoms and looking for writing partners.

Do not sound desperate, demanding, or devaluing of yourself. Don’t say shit like “because my fandom is dead,” “trying this before I give up and delete my blog,” or “I suck at interaction/writing/ooc interaction/being a person but welp giving it a try, so follow and hit that heart.” (Conversely, calling yourself derogatory things and implying that your partners are too, such as the “we’re all just losers here” shit.) All of the above are not attractive, and they’re not even surprising enough to stand out anymore. It’s another reason to scroll right by that promo because nothing at all was different or of interest.

And as a wrap-up/rehash of the first topic, getting muse back: try starting over at the beginning by approaching the media involving your muse that has really stuck with you emotionally over the years, and exploring and developing your muse again.

Don’t tell yourself you can only write, for example, at home, on the laptop, after 7pm, and with a pop toy staring at you. The best thing about writing, as opposed to so many other hobbies, is that you can do it anywhere! So, do that. Do it any time you both feel the inspiration to do so and aren’t going to get fired or expelled for it. This isn’t work, it’s something enjoyable that does take effort (like literally all creative activities and skills do), but approaching it as though you need to follow novel writing advice from someone who has never published anything of note and isn’t you on the internet, with strict rules for success makes it feel that way. So does being frustrated with a dead fandom, no interaction. It’s disheartening, feels as annoying and fruitless as work often does. You probably need to break out of that mindset, and you can only do it by beginning to allow yourself to be creative on your own terms, entirely for yourself.

Do write simple things at first that you are inspired to do (you can’t get a scene out of your head, or a bit of dialogue), and/or headcanon/character development memes and question lists. Build from there as you get back in touch with your muse, writing things primarily or entirely for yourself still. Expanding on headcanons, doing some meta, or maybe writing out a missing piece of canon or what you’d be interested in seeing happen in canon if some event was altered.

Doing this sort of thing, you are getting in touch with your muse again and back into the real spirit of writing creatively, simultaneously.

Whatever you find most inspiring, do it. If it’s watching the movie or show again, do that, have it on while you write or simply think on the character’s actions, thoughts, and emotions during those scenes. If it’s reading the material again, do that, and read snippets of personal importance before you write. Maybe it’s some past playlists you can have on while writing, or even while you’re cleaning, walking the dog, driving or riding somewhere. It could even be your own previous writing! Go ahead and re-read that, it sounds like you still appreciate it, and that’s truly promising. If you find that you’re horrified by some of the things you’ve written in the more distant past, hey...that’s not just valid as hell, it’s natural. You know what else it is? An inspiration. You can clearly see that you could do better, that means you now know how to do better and are ready to do so. Validate yourself, prove it to yourself by rewriting or fixing something.

Don’t delete the blog or archive it. It is unpleasant to have a dead blog around, but don’t keep it dead. Use the same blog and simply transition it into wider things that will net you more partners and the interactions you deserve.

Look, even if you weren’t the most popular blog in your fandom before it went quiet, you really appreciated the blog, muse, and writing you were doing. You’ve defined that it wasn’t something you did to cause this situation, you just had the shit luck we all run into eventually of being in a fandom that ran out of material or interest. People are really fickle, so by taking a wider approach and fixing on the writing and muse instead of fandom now, you’re stopping this from repeating. Seriously, on a long enough timeline, every fandom dies or goes into hibernation. If you make a whole new blog with a different muse, it is going to happen again eventually.

So, don’t feel like you’re ridiculously clinging to the past and need to move on, you’re just sticking to something and can continue to stick to it through the next five fandom deaths. Just because it is the most popular thing to do to drop muses, constantly add new ones, and have this attitude that you can “blog refresh” your way out of recurrent, and inherent, problem doesn’t mean it is actually the right thing to do. It’s not even the most sensible, and certainly not the best thing to do with anything you’ve spent time and effort on.

That’s your incentive; yourself, the time and care you’ve put in, and your continued interest in writing and the muse. You’ll find good people, and bluntly, everyone else can fuck right off when you’re incentivized by yourself. It becomes a self-fulfilling activity at that point, I swear, and it feels really nice.

Just get back in touch with your muse and writing itself so that you can begin to expand and start interacting again!

#rp advice #rp problems #rp help #muse loss #dead fandoms #rp better #Anon E. Mous #answered

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shitseong · 5 years

Text

✎﹏﹏ FERN. 🌿

[pairing: jeonghan x female reader, college au]

[genre: fluff]

[warnings: curse words]

[word count: 1755 words ]

❛ what’s the most polite way to say fuck you with flowers? ❜

“honey, i’m home!” you yelled as you opened the door to the flower shop where you worked part time. a familiar “welcome home!” came from the back room behind the cash register. you couldn’t help but to smile — this little habit you and your coworker have developed indicated fondness towards each other, and it made you feel better coming to work. the scents and colors around you pulled you in, leaving you speechless for a second.

your little moment was aburptly ended when junhui decided to scare you. “YAH!” he yelled loudly, grabbing your shoulders from behind. “OH MY GOD!” you screamed in a high pitched voice. he laughed, and you joined him soon after. “jun, why do you always do this?” you asked, shaking your head. he shrugged his shoulders. “i don’t know, you’re really easy to scare.”

wen junhui was a college student, like you, but he was studying at a different university, and he was a year younger. he had a really playful personality, and he always managed to bright up any room as soon as he walked in. because he immigrated from china, you sometimes helped him with learning korean. during the six months that you’ve worked at the same place as him, you two managed to get pretty close.

“anyways, i have to go now, or i’ll be late to my lectures. have a nice day!” he said energetically before leaving. you waved after him as he did the same, and then went to the back room. you put away your belongings, pinned a badge on your soft pink romper with your name, and tied your hair into a low ponytail. you were ready to start your shift.

it was around two in the afternoon, and you were just talking to a customer on the phone about what kind of flowers he would like at his wedding. you were scribbling something on the blank white paper in front of you, so you didn’t notice when someone entered the shop. even the soft bell above the door didn’t get your attention.

you only noticed the presence of someone else when you finally put your phone down. he was standing right in front of the counter, his hands supporting him as he was leaning onto it, his gaze fixed on you. for a moment, you were too startled to say anything. his eyes were beautiful because of their shape, but his look was cold and determined. it was the only cold feature on his face.

“hello. how can i help you today?” you asked, studying his face more. he was handsome, there was no doubt in that. he looked like he could be an idol. but his unique eyes were something that you just couldn’t look past. they were slightly covered by his long blonde bands, but he didn’t seem to be bothered by that.

“what’s the most polite way to say fuck you with flowers?” he asked, his voice was calm and collected. this made you wide your eyes in surprise. his bluntness took your breath away for a second. “e-excuse me?” you asked, because you simply couldn’t believe your ears. you had to make sure you heard this man correctly.

he sighed, looking to the floor. “i asked, what’s the most polite way to say fuck you with flowers,” he repeated himself, looking really fed up with the fact that he had to do so. you quickly blinked a few times, slowly coming back to your senses. “what’s the occasion?” you asked as you were making your way towards the flowers displayed on the right wall of the shop. “me and my girlfriend are celebrating our second year anniversary today,” he explained.

you turned to face him, not sure if you missed a joke here. “then why aren’t you bringing her roses? we have many wonderful colors to pick from—” “she’s been cheating on me for the past few months,” he interrupted you mid sentence. for the second time in the last five minutes you found yourself at a loss of words. his gaze was fixed on yours as you tried to say something, but you had no idea what would be appropriate for this situation.

“please spare me your pity,” he said, assuming that you woud feel sorry for him. “just give me some flowers,” he asked, and you quickly turned away, facing the wall, so he wouldn’t see how confused you still were about this unusual situation. “okay, time to think,” you reminded yourself, taking a deep breath. “what is the least romantic flower you know?” you asked yourself, eyes scanning the entire shop. an idea suddenly popped into your head. “please wait a second,” you said and quickly went to the storage space in the back, where you stored decorations and some flowers.

after a few minutes you returned with a bunch of fern in your hand. the boy was leaning casually on the counter, scrolling through his phone, his facial expression not chainging at all. “do you want me to wrap this up for you?” you spoke a bit louder so you were sure he heard you. he looked away from his phone screen, and when he saw the plant in your right hand, it was like there was a new person standing in front of you. every single line of his face softened, like he tried really hard before to keep such a neutral expression. his lips curled into a wide smile that suited him nicely, and his cold, piercing gaze softened. he looked like a different person now, and the aura around him became warm. “please, arrange it like it would be the prettiest boquet you’ve ever seen,” he said.

the sudden change in his energy made you relax more, and you decided to do your best with decorating. minutes passed by, and he just watched your fingers do their job with the ribbon, like you’ve been doing this for your entire life. after you were done, you showed him the final product, and he just nodded, smile still plastered on his face. “it’s perfect. thank you for your hard work and effort,” he said. “you’re welcome,” you replied, as you printed out his receipt. “please shop here again soon!” you added, and you caught just a glimpse of his smirk before he turned around and left.

“what a strange customer,” you said quietly to yourself, before returning to doing the things you reguraly did when there were no clients in the shop.

»»————-　two weeks later　————-««

it was saturday, and you had a day off at your job. you were just walking from the gym, and you decided to go through the park. the sun was shining brightly, birds were singing, and there were quite a few people having a fun saturday in the nature. nothing was out of the ordinary that day. it was just another casual saturday.

then, you noticed something on the side of the pavewalk where you were walking. it was a bush of fern. suddenly, you remembered the weird request from a customer about two weeks ago, when you sold him a bunch of fern. he hasn’t crossed your mind once since, but now that you were looking at this plant, you suddenly remembered his eyes. how unique and beautiful they were, and how they reflected his entire energy. there was something special in those eyes.

“it worked,” you suddenly heard someone say from behind. you got startled, and quickly turned your head to the left to see who spoke to you so suddenly. it was the same boy whose eyes you were just thinking about because you remembered them so well. “e-excuse me?” you manage to blurt out. he let out a little laugh. “do you always stutter and say excuse me when you get flustered and don’t know what to say?” he asked, a wide smile on his face. his eyes were just as soft as you remembered them from the last encounter you had with him.

now he really left you dumbfounded and speechless, because you didn’t know what to respond to that. you didn’t know what else to do, so you just looked at your running shoes, trying not to show how embarassing this was for you. “i said, it worked. it turns out you really know how to politely say fuck you with flowers,” he said. that made you happy. you were glad to see you gave a customer what they came in to look for.

“i’m glad i could help,” you said and smiled at him. now he was the one that looked down at his shoes, and you sensed his smile disappearing. “we broke up. it was hard letting her go, but i know it was for the best.” again, you didn’t really know what to say. he was a stranger to you, and here he was confessing his feelings to his ex girlfriend. but you heard it in his voice that he was hurt, and you somehow wanted to help him, even if you didn’t know him.

“it only takes time to heal. time, and someone you can talk to. it’s always easier letting go if you can talk about it. and get angry. go to the gym, punch a punching bag. scream into a river. it should help,” you said. these were the only advices you could give him. he looked into your eyes again, smile reappearing on his face. “you know, i’ve been to many flower shops on that day. they all looked at me like i was a creeper, and said they couldn’t help me. but you still did your job, even if my request was so odd. so thank you for that. you made it very easier for me.”

that made you happy. knowing that you’ve helped somebody made you happy. “i’m glad i could help. at the end of the day, all i did was do my job.” now you were both smiling, looking at each others eyes for a few seconds. the more you looked at his eyes, the more you realised how mesmerizing they were.

“are you by any chance interested in screaming to a river with me?” he asked, his gaze remaining fixed onto yours. his bluntness took the words out of your mouth yet again, but this time, you were already familiar with that feeling when talking to him. you shook your head slightly. “this is going to be the weirdest first time hanging out ever,” you said.

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bonjourmoncher · 5 years

Link

You can contact Hamilton Lindley by: Phone at 254-759-5866 Email at [email protected] And mail at 1020 N. University Parks Drive, Waco, TX 76706

After ten years in Dallas, Hamilton Lindley moved his family of five to the home of the Baylor Bears. Hamilton P Lindley realized the brainwashing of his daughter was complete after she believed that the Baylor Bear mascots hibernate only after “eating all them Longhorns.” If you have the desire to see too many photos of Hamilton Lindley’s family, you can find Hamilton Philip Lindley on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram.

Let’s get straight to the point, shall we?

Busy people can be incredibly difficult to connect with.

You know the drill. You send an email, then you wait. And wait. And wait some more. You get no reply, so you try again. More of the same. Eventually, you give up.

If this sounds familiar, well, you’re not alone. Most men have struggled, at some point in their career, to try to connect with someone who is incredibly busy. Whether it’s a potential employer, a possible mentor, a dream client, or even just to connect with a girl so you can ask her out on a date, contacting a busy person can be very difficult.

Does that mean you give up? Heck no. Often, there is a good reason why busy people are so busy. Namely, it is because they are successful, and they’re successful because they are smart and well-connected and have access to resources or knowledge that might make all the difference in the world to you…if you can just break through.

But if you’re like most men, you’ve struggled with trying to figure out how to go about making that contact. How can you get the person’s attention? What should you say and how do you say it? Where do you even start? Should you follow-up if they ignore you? And new means of communication in the form of social media, Skype, text messaging, and blog commenting has made this issue even more confusing and challenging.

Throughout my career, I’ve tested just about every different approach for contacting busy people. I’ve also spent the past 2+ years reaching out to very busy entrepreneurs and authors to appear as guests on my podcast. I’ve tried techniques that work like a charm and other strategies that are guaranteed to bomb. Below, I include the best of what has worked for me.

Art of Manliness has previously covered how to write an email that will get a response. In this article, however, I want to share more of an overarching approach which can be (and often is) implemented using email, but which is also medium-agnostic. Email is what I’ve used the most and is still an effective vehicle. However, you should also consider other approaches such as face-to-face and social media where appropriate. To contact AoM’s reclusive McKays, you’ll even need to be willing to write a good old-fashioned letter! (Word is if they start getting too much snail mail to handle, they’re going to move to requiring messages by homing pigeon.)

Although it can feel like a daunting task trying to connect with a busy person, the rewards when you succeed can often be game-changing. You just have to be smart about how you make your first move.

Put Yourself in Their Shoes

At the outset, you must understand that busy people get hundreds, if not thousands, of requests for help, aide, or resources every week. Not surprisingly, a large portion of them look and sound exactly the same. “Can you help me?” “Can I pick your brain?” “I’ve got an awesome idea that I know you’re gonna love!”

Don’t kid yourself. You might think your request is incredibly original or immensely valuable to the busy person, but they’ve probably already heard it before (A new app that will make you more productive? NO WAY!) Naturally, they’re going to be a little apprehensive.

Before you even think about reaching out, you need to get your mindset right. Even if you have the best of intentions, and think your request is a relatively minor one, don’t expect an answer. By definition, “busy” people can’t possibly respond to every inquiry. They’re not being rude — they’re just prioritizing. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be as successful as they are.

According to Steve Pavlina, author of Personal Development for Smart People, “If you can accept that busy people must triage in order to be effective and have a life, and you can respect them for setting priorities, you’ll have a much better shot at building a bridge with them.”

Here are 8 tips for contacting a busy person:

1. Try to Connect Before You Ask for Anything

The worst way of contacting a busy person is to ask them for something in your first attempt to connect with them. A much better approach is to reach out and contact the person long before you ever actually ask for anything.

One way to do this is via social media. Look for creative ways to quote, feature, or mention the busy person, by including them in a blog post or article you are writing, and then share it with them afterwards via social media. A single tweet might be all it takes to “grease the wheels” and get the conversation started.

Continue to build the relationship by doing things like sharing their content, promoting them, or simply sending relevant resources their way. To do this, you need to really get to know the busy person and understand what they are working on or could use help with. Be patient and allow the connection to grow organically before you jump in and start asking for favors. Don’t burn the bridge before you build it.

Another frequently overlooked option is to examine your existing network and see if you have any ties back to that person. A friend? Business associate? Anything that can be used to show commonality between you and the other person will help.

“Getting someone else to introduce you is one way to get someone’s attention,” says networking expert Lynne Waymon co-author of Make Your Contacts Count. “Find out who you both have in common and ask ‘Will you introduce me?’”

2. Keep Your Communications Brief

“Just a tip of advice. Never write on both sides of the sheet when you are sending a letter to a busy man.” –Jack London, Letter to Louis Stevens, March 24, 1913

Save your life story for another time. The shorter the message, the more likely you will get a reply. And the busier the person, the more important it is that you not waste their time.

First, always start your correspondence with a relevant subject line that’s clear and to the point. The recipient should be able to quickly tell why they would benefit from opening your message, how they know you, or ideally, both.

“Can you help me?” With what? Your business? Your math homework? There’s about as much value here as in a rubber crutch. You don’t have to be psychic to know that this one is headed straight for the oval file.

“Podcast Appearance to Promote Your New Book” is a much better subject line. By clearly stating what it is you want, and more importantly, how it will benefit the other person, you are much more likely to get your email opened.

Being brief also means excluding anything that isn’t necessary. It’s okay to open with a couple lines of pleasantries about your connection/affinity for the person. “I’m a big fan of what you do and I’ve been reading your magazine for five years now,” or “Seeing your TED talk made me decide to switch my major to biology.” A bit of praise will get your email off on the right start and build rapport. But keep your opening to no more than two sentences.

Keep the main body of your email as succinct as you can as well; aim to make your pitch in five sentences or less. You don’t need to attach your 100-page business plan or a dozen pictures of your prototype before you’ve explained what it is that you actually want. Remember, be respectful of a busy person’s time and wait for the green light before sending follow-up information, if they are open to it.

3. Do Your Research First and Ask Specific Questions

“I do detest being asked general advice, because, in reply, I must do one of two things: (1) Either write two or three books handling the replies or (2) damp the replies by giving only a few short sentences.

What I mean is, any time ask me for particular specific advice, and I shall be only too glad to place myself at your service.

Please remember that I write thousands of letters every year to unknown correspondents. And please remember, (1) that I do not like to write for a living…and that (2) therefore, when I have written all the books that I have written and upon which I work every day, that I am so tired of writing that I’d cut off my fingers and toes in order to avoid writing…

Anyway, please remember that you can call upon me any time for SPECIFIC PARTICULAR advice on any subject.” -Jack London, Letter to Cordie Ingram, April 9, 1913

When you reach out to a busy person, do so with very specific questions in mind. You may only get one shot at this, so you want the questions you ask to offer the most metaphorical bang for your buck; make them questions where you cannot find out the answers anywhere else, and for which you absolutely need the busy person’s unique perspective/connections/input.

So first research the answers to the list of questions you have in mind as rigorously as you can, and see what you can find out from easier-to-access sources. You need to show the busy person you’ve done your homework. Tim Ferriss, author of The 4-Hour Workweek, says “It’s amazing how many would-be mentees or beneficiaries ask busier people for answers Google could provide in 20 seconds.” In Ferriss’ words, “That puts you on the banned list.”

Not only should you do research before you reach out to a busy person, you should also try to get going on your project/business before you ask them for help. “Don’t ever ask a busy person to ‘pick their brain’ before you begin working on your project or idea,” says AoM’s own Brett McKay. “Instead, wait until it’s really underway, you’re in the thick of it, and you run into a specific problem.” Advice on starting something is typically plentiful and readily available. So save your “Phone-a-Friend” lifeline for when you’ve done all you can on your own and you’ve reached a wall you can’t figure out how to break through.

What specific question you should ask will vary depending on your situation, so it’s easier to explain what types of questions you should not ask. Typical examples of the types of generic questions you should not ask include:

I don’t know how to get started with ______. What would you recommend I do?

Do you think ____ would apply to my situation?

I’m confused about ______ and I’m not sure why I’m not getting it. Do you have any suggestions?

A better approach than these generic questions is to explain 2 or 3 specific options you are considering and ask for specific feedback on this discrete choice.

When you take this approach, you can “make use of your opportunity and ask better questions about specific topics rather than just peppering someone with general inquires,” says McKay. “The time you land with a busy person is valuable, so use it to ask the highest leverage questions you possibly can.”

4. Make Your Pitch Something to Which They Can Say Yes or No

If the question you have for a busy person regards whether or not they want to work with you on something, make your pitch as clear as possible. In other words, don’t ask an open-ended question like, “Would you like to partner with us somehow?” It’s not the busy person’s job to think of ways you two might team up. It’s your responsibility to come up with a specific proposal. A proposal a busy person can answer with a yes or a no.

5. Show Up in Person

Think for a minute about how many sales calls or how much junk mail you receive in a week. The majority of these items are deleted before they are ever opened. The multitude of requests busy people receive often suffer the same fate.

Now consider what you would do if the person making that same plea was standing right in front of you. Not quite so easy to ignore them now, is it?

Waymon says if there is a particular busy person you want to connect with, you should find out what groups or organizations they are part of and see how you can add value to those groups. Perhaps you can join a committee they are on or offer to help with something they’re passionate about.

“Studies show that it often takes 6 contacts with someone before they know who you are and have you placed in their mental Rolodex,” says Waymon. “So committee work and small group activities are good ways to create that continued contact.”

Being part of the same team can get your foot in the door, but you have to be ready when opportunity strikes. “Always have an agenda. Before the meeting think of three or four things you’d like to find out or know more about. Also, be ready to talk about three or four things you’re excited about — personally or professionally,” says Waymon. “Since people want to do business with people they trust, your overall goal is always to teach people to trust you.”

6. Keep Bringing Value

The chances of getting what you want become exponentially better when you offer something of value. A lot of people struggle with how to find something of “value” to offer, but really the options are limitless.

One of the best ways to provide value to a busy person is by helping them to promote their new book, project, business, or event. You can do this in a variety of ways:

Write an online review on Amazon, Yelp, or other review site.

Feature the busy person in an article on your blog or someone else’s blog.

Offer to introduce the busy person to someone relevant. But be sure to ask first.

Interview the person for your podcast, or if you don’t have a podcast, record a simple interview using a free service like FreeConferenceCall.com and upload it to your blog or SoundCloud (also free). Keep in mind that if your audience is very small, the busy person will likely make a cost benefit analysis and decide that the amount of promotion you can offer is less than the value of their limited time.

Create a Click to Tweet link explaining why you love the particular person’s work and share it with all your friends like this.

Even if you don’t have a blog or podcast, you can record a simple video with the webcam built into your laptop and upload it to YouTube, where millions of people will watch it before going back to watching videos of a cat playing the piano.

Bottom line: Find out what it is they need, or who they want to connect with, and make it happen.

7. Assert Yourself

When you make a request, not only is the message itself important, but so is the tone in which you present it. Michelle Lederman, author of The 11 Laws of Likability, talks about approaching the conversation from what she calls the “middle ground.” You should come off as “not passive, not aggressive, but assertive” says Lederman. Think confident, but not cocky. And definitely not meek.

Lederman also recommends going for the “convenient ask.” Make it as easy as possible for them to say yes to the request. For instance, give the busy person specific dates and times to choose from. Offer to meet them at the location of their choosing. Anything you can do to simplify the request can help.

Finally, Lederman recommends creating a sense of “scarcity.” Create a deadline for a blog post or article so that if the busy person wants to be included, they will need to respond by a particular date in order to make it happen. Having a deadline elicits more responses since these types of requests are harder to push off until later (which usually results in the busy person forgetting to come back to the request).

8. Follow Up (Within Reason)

Now, what do you do if you don’t get a reply? Should you follow up, and if so, how? “I think the secret to building meaningful relationships is following up,” says Jeff Goins, author of The Art of Work. But Goins cautions that you have to be careful how quickly or eagerly you follow up. “If you’re too aggressive, it can hurt you. But if you’re too lax, you can miss an opportunity.”

Goins says he will reach out once, then follow up a week later if he doesn’t have a response yet. If he still hasn’t heard back by then, he will “follow up after another week or two with a ‘hey if I don’t hear back from, I won’t bother you again’ email and then move on.” If Goins is really determined, he says he might try a completely different approach. “I may try another way to build trust with the person, like finding a way to meet them in person, but I won’t try the same way that failed before.”

Brett and Kate McKay have a similar suggestion. They say you should follow up once two weeks after sending the original email, and then 6 months later. “Sometimes the busy person will be in a different phase or season of busyness where their circumstances have changed and they’ll be more receptive to the reach out,” says Brett.

If you want to follow up after a week or two, you can use this script:

Hey George, I just wanted to follow up on my prior email once, in case my previous email got lost in your inbox.

If you aren’t interested, I won’t take offense. If you are interested, let me know. I will send one courtesy follow-up after this email in case the timing right now does not work for you.

-John

By indicating in your message that you are just following up as a courtesy and that the busy person need not respond if they truly are not interested, you are respectful of their time while also balancing the possibility that they really didn’t see your email the prior time around.

Start Contacting Busy People

Remember: busy people aren’t selfish and inconsiderate; I’ve actually found the opposite to be true — that some of the busiest people are actually the most giving types of people. But they also want to be efficient with their time. Remember that the time they give to you is time they sacrifice from working on their own businesses or spending time with their families. So contact them in a way that respects this reality and impinges on their schedule as lightly as possible.

While the entire process may sound intimidating and overly complex, you shouldn’t be intimidated. Like any challenge, connecting with busy people is a skill that you can develop over time. And it’s worth the effort.

“Don’t underestimate your value to someone else,” says Lederman. “There are so many things you can bring to the table that you don’t realize. A little bit of legwork goes a long way.”

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supportforindieauthors · 5 years

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What are all these "author rules" we're supposedly breaking?

It happens at least once a week. I receive a newsletter in my inbox telling me about the top 10 rules I’m accidentally breaking as an author or the top 5 rules I should NEVER break as an author. . .

First of all, I haven’t published a book in 4 years, so I KNOW that I haven’t broken any of these rules recently, but I can’t help but wonder where all these rules are coming from and what’s going to happen if I’ve broken one of them. Is my college professor who ruled over her grammar class like a dictator going to show up and lock me in grammar prison?

Based on all these articles that I continue to receive on a weekly basis and read because I just can’t help myself, I have determined that these rules are nothing more than grammar, punctuation, and plot development suggestions to make publications feel important and needed.

Does that mean that these suggestions are bad? Not at all! In fact, if you find that they help you improve your writing, then that’s fantastic! But let’s not pretend like someone is going to lock away your book for all of eternity if you break one of these “rules.”

All of this being said, Riley and I thought we would review some of these rules and what we think about them as indie authors, and then we would go over a different kind of advice, one that is absolutely important for this day and age.

So let’s get started!

Always be consistent with point of view

Riley: Why is this a rule? I could never understand that. What better way to show two different points of view for differing characters. After all, what your narrator sees is different than your protagonist or antagonist.

Ann: I think this rule is more a reminder to the author to be conscious of how you’re speaking to your readers. Jumping around from first person to second person to even third person can be very jarring. That being said, if you have a creative reason for changing up your point of view, go with it! Let those creative juices flow and have fun with it.

Never start a story with the character waking up

Riley: This is just ridiculous. Our jobs as authors is to connect our characters with our readers. A simple way to do this is to use little actions we all use, like waking up.

Ann: Who are we (or who is anyone really) to tell you how to start your story? Each day we wake up is potentially a new start to something exciting, something traumatic, or something completely life changing. We have no idea. If that’s how you want to begin your work, you have every right to do so. There are a lot of books out there. To say that you have to be fully original in the way you begin you work is a tad ridiculous. Start it the way you want to start it. Be you. Don’t worry about whether or not it’s been “overdone.” Your work is unique to you. As long as you’re not plagiarizing, we won’t judge.

Never use adverbs, and especially not with speech tags

Riley: I get it, too many people use "like" all the time. That doesn't mean you should restrict creative juices. A few are fine, and I believe they enhance your work, as long as you don't carry them too far.

Ann: I think anything in moderation is fine. Honestly, the only reason to consider looking this in depth at your individual sentences and paragraphs is to intensify the action your characters are taking. If your work feel disjointed and a bit passive, then maybe you should look to this as a recommendation. But really, let’s all just calm down, shall we?

Never give main characters names that begin with the same letter

Ann: Sigh...So many of us authors feel the same way about our characters. They name themselves. We’re merely transcribing the story. It’s possible that some people who aren’t carefully reading your work will become confused, but the people who really care will be able to keep track of your characters as long as they’re memorable. I don’t even remember a time when I confused Eowyn with Arwen, even though they’re pretty similar. . .but my husband doesn’t even remember that there were two main female characters in Lord of the Rings. The people who are invested in your work will know the difference.

Riley: I really can't add anything to this. Besides, you should be striving to make your characters individual enough that you could almost name them all the same thing.

Never info dump

Ann: Info dumps can be beneficial. I think it’s important to keep it entertaining and make it pertinent to the plot, but when done well, I fully enjoy being caught up on what I need to know about the world an author has worked so hard to create.

Riley: Aye, exposition used in the correct way can really further your books. Look at how George RR Martin uses sex in his books. There are a ton of plot points dropped in between all the genitalia.

Kill your darlings (crutch phrases)

Riley: Actually I would tell you to do what your story tells you to. You never know when you'll suddenly be struck by an idea. Besides, if you really don't like it, take it out at editing time.

Ann: I think this is from Stephen King’s advice about the written work, but you can look at it from a variety of perspectives. If we’re talking about characters, you’re allowed to kill off any character you like - just have some good reasoning for it if it’s a particular fan favorite. (Looking at you George R.R. Martin) If we’re talking about crutch phrases, I think this is something to keep in mind just to ensure you’re not overusing a phrase. I recently listened to a podcast in which the interviewer used the phrase “100%” at least 30 times. Just be aware of the words you’re using. I don’t think there’s any set limit. Maybe your character has a favorite phrase that she or he uses consistently. Maybe it’s for comedic purposes. Regardless, do what works for your book.

Riley: And thus we see the joy of English. I took that rule literally!

Don’t use passive phrases

Riley: Passive phrasing has been a weakness of mine since I started writing. I don't think I'll ever be able to get over it, as I believe it offers versatility. I could be wrong, but I don't believe I am.

Ann: Why are suggestions often confused with rules? Don’t people realize that authors see the word “Don’t” as a challenge? Should we overuse passive phrases? Probably not as it makes for weak paragraphs and tends to make our readers feel left out of the action. But should we NEVER use it? That seems extreme. An occasional passive phrase isn’t going to sabotage your work.

Never open a book with weather

Riley: Again with the inane rules about how to start your book. Whatever the first words are that get you started and fit the story, they're the correct ones.

Ann: *rolls up sleeves* Is that a challenge? Seriously. DO. WHAT. YOU. WANT. Maybe your character is watching the incoming storm and thinking about how cliche it is that a storm would happen on THIS of ALL nights. As long as you’ve got a good hook, roll with it. A plot device can be used poorly or incredibly well. Just because some people have used it poorly doesn’t mean that you can’t use it to your advantage. I imagine that a lot of real life stories have begun with a turn in the weather.

Never use a verb other than “said” to carry dialogue

& then Never use an adverb to modify the verb “said”

Ann: To quote John Locke, “DON’T TELL ME WHAT I CAN’T DO!” Seriously, let’s find a happy medium, shall we? I feel like I’m just repeating myself with each of these. An argument can be made either way. I try to use a variety of phrases and words and I’ve never felt that my work has suffered as a result of it.

Riley: Besides, I read somewhere that readers skip 90% of your dialogue tags. So what does it matter? Use what you want!

Avoid cliches

Ann: Do you know how many cliches there are out there? And do you know how often we identify with cliches because they are so common? One of my college professors would mark down our grades for any cliches used. She and I did not get along very well. Can cliches be used to your advantage? Yes, yes, absolutely, 100%, yes. Should you attempt to use every single cliche in one work? …. Again, that seems like a challenge...

Riley: Just look at a hero's journey. How many books are based off of this "cliche" idea. Remember, it's all in the eyes of the beholder.

Don’t attempt to use semicolons

Ann: We have so many resources at our disposal. Do your research. Learn to understand, love, and utilize the semicolon. The internet is vast. If my husband can learn to install a toilet via YouTube, you can learn to use the semicolon and have a very successful relationship with it.

Riley: Yes! Use Google, use YouTube, use the resources afforded to us in these modern ages, and work that language.

Show don’t tell

Riley: Why shouldn't I show? What's wrong with painting a clear line that's easy for readers to follow? Not every story has to have a mystery or a twist. Some can be straightforward.

Ann: Sometimes you should show and sometimes you should tell. Only you can decide which is the right course in your particular work. Listen to your beta readers. Listen to your own instincts. Use what feels right to you and what feels right to the words you’re writing. I think that both can be an effective means of communicating to your readers.

Never start your book at the end of the story

Riley: What better way to get the tone for the rest of the book? I mean, there's a lot that can happen between the start and the finish, and some stories change over time. What better way to prepare your readers for the insane ride ahead?

Ann: “The end is only the beginning.” From The Mummy, right? But still true. If you have a reason for doing it, then by all means, stride boldly forward. Be confident in your decision.

Turn off the TV

Riley: Some of my best writing is done with a TV on! The sound of the voices in the background offer just enough of a distraction for my ADD addled brain. It helps me focus in the long run, and inspires me to do better than what I hear and see.

Ann: No, there is no singular right way to write a book. If you’re distracted by the television, radio, etc, then change your setting up. Find what works best for you and stick with that. I listen to music or have movies playing in the background as I work. Sometimes I need distractions because I get lost in my own thoughts and can’t force my fingers to type with all the conflicting plot points. A distraction helps me zone out and move forward. I can edit the dust bunnies out later.

Stay away from sentences that start with the words “there are” or “there is"

Riley: There is something wrong with this rule. There are people who truly believe this, and that makes me sad. English is a flexible language, use it.

Ann: A truly masterful answer, Riley. Enough said.

Write what you know

Riley: How do I expand my point of view then? I have never once done heroin, but people have told me Everyone Dies At The End did a great job of explaining heroin addiction and the demons it causes. Research, and write what you don't know.

Ann: Does no one know how to use the internet? Or a library? Or even discussing with your friends who know about the subject when you don’t? We have some pretty powerful brains. Use the opportunity to learn something new. If you’re determined to write about a topic you know very little about, then you’ll do your due diligence and learn about it in order to write about it. And you’ll be a better person for it in the end. We should all be attempting to expand our horizons with a little research every now and then.

Treat writing as a job

Riley: Maybe you’re lucky, maybe you're in the minority of people and you love your job. Most people don't. I love to write, I wish I had more time to devote to it. I love the freedom it gives me, especially in our modern age where I can literally pick up my phone at any time and start writing. Don't treat writing like a job, treat it like something you love to do.

Ann: Why, so I can hate it? You know what I did when I worked? I wrote. You know what I do now that I’m a stay at home mom who home schools her kiddos and designs websites? I don’t write because I feel like I SHOULD be writing. Find the joy it in it and stick with that. If sitting down at your computer from 9-5 with the sole purpose of writing brings you joy, then do it. But that doesn’t work for me and I refuse to adhere to that.

Focus on quality over quantity

Ann: What are we talking about here? Word count? Published book count? Pseudonym count? It’s so vague. If you’re capable of publishing a book a month and you feel passionate about that, then you go! Should we be working to put our best foot forward? Yes. But only you can decide when you’re ready to publish your book. Don’t let someone tell you that you shouldn’t just because you published a book a mere six months ago and you can’t possibly have completed another book since then that’s worth anyone’s time. Do what you feel led to do. And don’t let anyone shame you for that.

Riley: The most prolific author of our times has an entire religion based around some of his writings. Love him or hate him, L. Ron Hubbard has shown me that less isn't necessarily better. The man wrote in the golden age of pulp fiction, and had grammatical errors throughout his works. And yet, there are millions of people that follow his words to a point of reverence. This is not an endorsement or a chastisement of Scientology. Just something I always think about when people mention quality over quantity.

If you’ve read through all of our answers above, you’ve seen a common theme. A confusion over “rules” versus suggestions given to make us really examine our work prior to publishing. Don’t confuse the two or you’ll end up driving yourself (and everyone around you) completely insane with your constant recitation of grammar and writing rules.

I personally believe that any suggestion that makes you take a second look or a fresh look at your current WIP is helpful. But that doesn’t mean that you should lose sleep over the idea that one might have slipped by you during your editing process.

Sleep well. Write on. And Support Indie Authors!

-Ann Livi Andrews and Riley Amos Westbrook

Looking for more?

Our moderator, Dwayne Fry recently published his thoughts on Self Publishing in a book titled: Things I’ve Learned as an Indie Author. Some of the above rules are addressed as well as a multitude of others. If you’re looking for a fresh perspective on your work, I highly recommend giving it a read. You may see your work in an entirely new light.

#Writing Rules #Indie Author #Rules #Grammar #Punctuation #Mistakes #Author #Dwayne Fry #Riley Amos Westbrook #Ann Livi Andrews #supportindieauthors

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thevirgomen · 5 years

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Should I give up on my Virgo Man?

New Post has been published on https://virgomen.net/should-i-give-up-on-my-virgo-man/

Should I give up on my Virgo Man?

Many women ask the question, ‘should I give up on my Virgo man?’ because the male born under the sign of Virgo can be an infuriating partner to be with.

Having said that, his character of being honest and shy makes a Virgo guy the dream lover of most women looking for romance and a permanent relationship.

The part of a Virgo man’s hidden character that infuriates a woman the most is down to the time he takes to make up his mind before allowing her to see the true person.

A Virgo man can blow hot and cold seemingly at any time which makes a woman question whether he has the potential of being a serious long-term prospect.

Even after being together for a long period a Virgo man can come across as being disinterested leaving his partner thinking she must have done something wrong.

A recent study by a renowned relationship expert uncovered some startling facts as to why a Virgo man should act this way.

After extensive trials with 100’s of women, a formula has been devised that show the simple steps a woman needs to take to get a Virgo guy to commit to her. Following this program will give any woman the knowledge she needs to totally win the heart of her Virgo guy.

The expert who devised this system has produced a short video in which he takes you through his findings and explains why a guy acts the way he does. He explains his method HERE. I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on it in the comment section below.

Why you should not give up on your Virgo man.

Virgo men are generally intelligent hard working and conscientious. They tend to have a direct and planned outlook on life and like to keep up to date with current affairs and topics that may affect their future.

This can lead him into thinking that he is always right, so a relationship with a Virgo man will require a woman ‘To be on the Ball’ and ready to debate her point of view.

The good thing is a Virgo man has great respect for a woman if she remains unemotional in getting her point across.

Although a relationship with a Virgo man may have its up’s and down’s the upside prevails in getting someone who is honest and fiercely loyal. Once understanding and acceptance are reached on a Virgo guy’s characteristics harmony and romance will blossom.

Related article: How to get a Virgo man to forgive you

The caring side of a Virgo

Every woman seeking a relationship with a guy wants him to be caring and devoted. I’m sure you like me has had our share of uncaring men in our lives. Men are usually very different from women who get devoted quickly in any relationship she starts.

One of the very first things a woman may notice in a relationship with a Virgo man is that he cares. He comes across as wanting things to work out and starts by delving into finding the things that make you happy.

You may have noticed during the first few dates his caring nature coming to the surface. You may well be delighted but a Virgo man can sometimes tend to care too much in the early stages.

This then leads a woman to be confused when later he pulls back because he is one that needs his own space occasionally.

See also: What a Virgo man wants to hear – But needs you to discover it

When to ignore a Virgo man

From a woman’s perspective, I’m sure you like me had the opinion that most single men seem to be carefree with life.

Most men have a kind of confidence about them of ‘Take it on the Chin’ and ‘Whatever happens’ is meant to happen’ Type of attitude.

This is generally not the case with a Virgo man who has a much more structured outlook on how his life will pan out. He is known to be fussy about everything being in its place.

You may initially be bowled over and find it a refreshing change but sometimes he can take things too far.

A Virgo man tends to have an opinion on everything and can be fussy about things that fall out of his line of reasoning. Learning when to ignore him and just step back and let him work it out himself rather than get irritated is key to harmony.

Related article: Will Virgo man miss you more if you ignore him?

Can Virgo men be controlling?

A Virgo man is a definite person to go to for advice on most subjects. They tend to be someone who is prepared to give an opinion and often wise words on most subjects. This is something that will adhere them to women who tend to love them for it.

However, this advice thing can be a two-edged proposition. On the one hand, a Virgo man is willing to offer advice but does have a tendency to sometimes go overboard with its delivery. A Virgo man is keen to help which can lead to pushing their opinion too hard.

The difference between inspiring and motivating a person who needs advice or being over controlling is a fine line which sometimes a Virgo man misses.

For them, because of the high standards they set themselves, they tend to get close to controlling the situation rather than allowing a person to accept their advice.

See also: What kind of woman attracts a Virgo guy?

Will a Virgo man test you?

A Virgo man has a straightforward way of how things should be in his life and because of this he does not enjoy mind games.

In fact, he views this kind of behavior as underhand and deceitful. He will not get involved in it and he will expect his partner to do the same.

Any woman wanting a relationship with a Virgo guy should stay well clear of trying to get his attention by instigating a situation to try to make him jealous for instance. In his mind, there is no room for underhand deception and beating around the bush.

A male born under the sign of Virgo respects a person more for saying it how it is rather than trying to flower the words to avoid an argument. If you are not happy with something it is far better to broach the subject and get it in the open rather than ignore it and let it fester.

Related article: Does a Virgo man play mind games when dating?

Will a Virgo man want me back?

This is where so many factors need to be taken into account and considered. A Virgo man’s response will depend a lot on how much he feels let down by the break in trust that you once shared. If he feels you have not been honest with him and try to cover it up, there is probably no way back.

A Virgo guy is usually very perceptive and his intuition tells him when to walk away. To pick up the threads of a broken relationship your Virgo man will need a compelling reason.

Depending on the reason the relationship has turned sour will depend on how much energy you will need to put in to turn things around.

If you feel you have made a mistake it is best to come clean and admit you were wrong. A Virgo man hates needy and groveling but does respect humility. When trauma happens in a Virgo man’s life he usually withdraws inside his shell and thinks deeply before moving on.

This is where you need to give him some space to evaluate the good times you had between you before things started to go wrong. If you are serious about wanting him back take this time to examine yourself.

Ask yourself if you had been taking him for granted and may be starting to let yourself down without realizing it. You need to explore different avenues of letting him know you still care for him but without coming across as crowding him.

A unique method that has helped 100’s of women

Relationship expert Amy North has a unique method that has helped 100’s of women stay in the thoughts of their man while still giving them space. Words said in a certain way have been proven to have a deep-rooted effect on the subconscious brain.

Amy has developed a system whereby these carefully worded sentences can be sent directly to your Virgo man via text. These messages with their hypnotic connotations are proven to excite his feelings for you while still giving him space. Amy explains her method in a short video HERE.

For more on a Virgo man

I hope this article has been of help with understanding a Virgo guy. My website http://virgomen.net specializes in situations regarding a relationship with a Virgo man, so why not bookmark for future reference?

My joy is in giving

Charlene

#breakup #characteristics #feelings

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unpickingthetangles · 6 years

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I live for your tags on the "How to write good" post 🌸

Thank you so much! I reread those tags a bunch last night because I got an anon asking about them. They said I ‘Missed the Point’ and I was like, “Wait, what? What did I even tag that dang thing with?”

I realized I did goof them a bit!

Rereading it there was a line that said “you want to crush your own voice and write something that stands out?” and realized that the ‘and’ in that sentence should have been an ‘or’. WHOOPS-A-DOODLE. Way to undercut my whole point with a typo.

Come sit around Grammy’s rocking chair and listen to a story of Internet Betrayal.

Firstly, a confession: I have 34 chapters of Hadrian the Scholar finished, polished, and ready to read. 400 pages, something like 100,000 words. Years of solid work. Nearly halfway done with the story.

But then I listened to some writing advice about editing. I took it to heart, believing in doing so I was becoming a more mature, balanced writer, who could take advice and learn from it.

And so I went back and edited, I cut, I simplified. After I was finished I took a month or two off (because life happens sometimes). When I went back and reread my pride and joy--and I didn’t recognize it.

Oh sure, it had it’s old bones. The story was basically the same. I hit all the beats I had intended to hit. The characters were still in their places, functioning in their roles.

The language, the voice, the uniqueness of what I had written– it was laying dead in a shallow grave somewhere and I was the one standing with the muddy shovel. Me– like in a nightmare where I meant to throw a punch only to realize too late I was holding a knife.

The 34 chapters of Hadrian had all my love sliced away Cut. Destroyed. Worst of all? I had saved over the old copies because I had been so proud that I had had the ‘maturity’ to be critical of my work.If you think I’m being hyperbolic about this, trust me, I’m not. I washed out all my careful cultivated language, the meaningful moments of reflection about love and lost, the airlessness of certain scenes– everything that was specific to me was bleached out completely.

I set it down– all but forgot about it out of busied pride— for two more years. (small disclaimer: I AM A SENSITIVE SEA SPONGE OF A PERSON.)

Then I woke up one day with this feeling of…

Every wrong done can be undone! I’m still here! I still believe it!! I still have people to prove wrong! Including (and most importantly of all) myself! I started out with new eyes and a solid tone of voice. I began anew unafraid of being “not good enough”. This new version of Hadrian was going to have my grubby fingerprints all over it. Everyone would know that it was mine.

I took all the sulking I did over two years and beat it into a sense of purpose.

And a new motto: Fuck Writing Advice*

*if it smothers your own unique voice. There lays the tightrope act you have to do: knowing when advice is helpful and when advice is personal opinion stated as fact.

For example, good advice is: “let every scene have a single, strong idea that carries it. The scene should have an emotional polarization: negative or positive. A really good scene will flip between the two from the beginning to the end of the scene.”

And even then, that advice helped me, but what if you’re writing the next Waiting for Godot? It’s such a hard line to walk!

Bad writing advice is, “avoid alteration” Yeah, fuck that, alteration and assonance will be the bricks of this empire, baby. Or “never use adverbs!” Honey what? No thank you, Imma going smother and cover this biscuit with adverbs. And I think will all know how laughable “never write the word said again!” is when it is done in practice.

And even then! What if you can only write your novel in total absence of adverbs, because that is your voice? Because writing advice, well meaning or not, can be extremely harmful. Don’t believe that yet? Please reread the tale of woe hovering over John’s head.

What my tags on that post really came down to was this, the crux of the whole reason writing advice makes me furious (typo included):

If you want to publish a book that has been sanitized cleanly of everything you alone could bring to it, by all means, listen to all the advice you want. Hard truth of it is that may be the quickest and easiest way to publish.

You want to write something that stands out? Something to remember?Then work hard on cultivating that voice, revise over and over again to make that voice loud and honest, and get beta readers. Because as artistic as you may be, the work should still connect with people.

And do something different that catches everyone’s attention.

In conclusion, please learn from me and write what you want. Make it fun, silly, serious, involved, simple, complex, deep, or just easy to enjoy. So long as you never let other people’s opinion–flying under that flag of ‘true fact’– kill your own powerful voice.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk. T-Shirts for sale in the lobby.

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anniviech · 6 years

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Tabula Rasa (1/?)

Pairing: “Ten/Rose” (eventually) Rating: Teen Summary: Four months ago, John Smith woke up on a cold and windy beach with no recollection of who he was or how he had gotten there. He just knew that sometimes he felt like he didn’t quite fit in.

[Masterpost] -- [AO3]

Notes: See prologue.

Chapter 1

"I'm sorry, Mister Smith, but there still haven't been any news."

He thought he had gotten used to hearing this sentence by now. Almost expected it, really.

And yet he still found his jaw working as he swallowed down the unbidden emotions the uttered words had once again brought up to the surface.

"But we are keeping an eye on it, and I assure you we will contact you as soon as there is any update on your file, so you won’t have to go through all the trouble of making your way up here just to return disappointed."

It was the pitying look in the Detective Sergeant’s eyes that made his jaw work again as he clenched his teeth, briefly making his dimples show, before he gave a sniff and plastered on an easy smile that didn't quite reach his own eyes as he rose from his seat.

"Right. Well, thank you for your time anyway, Detective Miller," he replied with more enthusiasm than he felt, shaking the woman's hand over her desk. “Not a complete disappointment if I get to enjoy the lovely seaside view in a calm getaway, though, is it?”

“’Course, there’s always that,” DS Miller agreed with a smile that looked at least a little less pitying.

His own smile remained on John's face even after he said his goodbyes and turned his back on those pitying eyes, giving one of the faces that he recognised by now across the spacious room a small wave in passing as he made to leave the police station, all the while trying not to appear as upset as he felt.

It had been months by now.

Four months and two days, to be exact, since John Smith woke up on a cold and windy beach on the Dorset coast with no recollection of who he was or how he had gotten there. Even his name was just a placeholder – simply the first one that had come to mind when he’d been asked what he’d like to be called. (And it was wryly appropriate, he had to admit.)

He felt his mood spiralling further downwards as his thoughts drifted back to the time after he woke up as a stranger to himself.

The angler from the beach had been concerned and kind enough to offer him a ride, and when John had been unable to give a destination, they had eventually agreed on the local police station as being the most sensible choice after John had initially shot down the man’s advice to see a doctor.

What had been first assumed to be hopefully just a temporary blackout of sorts and minor inconvenience, soon turned into a much more complicated case for the friendly Detective Sergeant who had ended up assigned to it after being the one to greet them at the entrance of the station, when still not a single personal memory would return to John within the following day. Nor had any relatives or friends made inquiries into local hospitals or other nearby police stations, and none of the hotels and B&Bs of the surrounding towns had been aware of any missing guests that matched his description, either.

What had followed was a range of psychological examinations, as well as medical ones of his head which failed to find any trauma to it, interviews with various authorities, and conflicting emotions he didn’t really like thinking too much on.

With no further results.

In the end he had really lucked out thanks to sheer coincidence; otherwise his current situation would likely look much bleaker.

During a conversation with one of the doctors doing the examinations of his head, they’d found out that John was in possession of rather advanced linguistic knowledge, when he’d finished one of the doctor’s explanations for her, pointing out that the Latin and Greek in the medical terms she’d used kind of gave that away and that it was simply logical conclusion, really. Intrigued, the doctor had suggested to check if he might know any other languages, as any knowledge about his lost background could be of help, and when he’d been offered to use the internet on her computer, both of them were amazed to realise that he had no trouble reading the Cyrillic alphabet, Arabic abjad or logographic characters from Asian languages, and had even been able to easily speak sentences in the respective languages when prompted.

It might not have helped the police with his missing person’s report so far, but it sure had been a small blessing in regards to John’s current everyday life – since, as luck would have it, the doctor had a friend running a language school in London who was looking for a replacement for two teachers who were about to retire, and had given in to the impulse of giving them a call and arranging an introduction.

That was how, soon after, John found himself with a job teaching French and Russian at the Morris Language School in London, after an extensive interview with its owner Lloyd Morris. Morris, an elderly, well-travelled man, had been intrigued by his story and so thoroughly impressed with his linguistic abilities, that he’d wanted to hire him right away despite his unique situation and lack of educational certification, going so far as to offer John accommodation at the school’s student residence, in exchange for his income cut in half for the time being to make up for the loan in accommodation and food provided in the school’s cafeteria.

While John’s income would still not be comparable to that of his certified colleagues even if it wasn't cut, it was enough to have slowly built a wardrobe for himself over the months and might even allow tentative plans for looking for his own place to live in the near future.

Being offered a position at the school had definitely been a stroke of luck and he was forever going to be grateful for the opportunity, considering that he might’ve just as well ended up living penniless in some kind of homeless shelter. Plus it gave him something to focus his mind on, and he found that he quite enjoyed teaching. (He often wondered if he might’ve also been doing that before.)

At this point, one might even think John to be quite the productive member in society, all things considering – were it not for his own cluelessness as to who he was. Or the general feeling of not quite belonging that he sometimes felt.

He wasn’t sure if it was due to his situation of not knowing his own past, but sometimes he couldn’t help noticing little things about himself and the way his mind worked that seemed… different from other people. (And he didn’t just mean speaking an unusual amount of languages, which in itself already made him stand a bit out.) It was the way he’d find people staring at him when he joined in on conversations during very specific discussions, like that one time he’d watched a scientific documentation with some of the students in the common room and ended up explaining the jargon and one of the mentioned topics in detail, to several surprised faces. (To be honest, he had kind of surprised himself with that. The facts had sort of just blurted out of his mouth without him really realising.) Or how he slept much less than seemed to be common, often finding himself to be the first and only one up at the student’s residence during the week days – well, apart from the receptionists.

Little things that just made him feel out of place at times. (But then again, he sort of was out of place, wasn’t he?)

So here he was, four months later.

And there was still no one reacting on his own missing person's report. (Well, other than some recent insincere attention seekers who’d read that bloody news article about him – he was starting to regret ever agreeing to the blasted thing, as it turned out to only pile more annoyances to deal with on his plate instead of being of any real help. Fat lot of good that had done.)

He couldn't help but wonder what that said about his previous life and the man he used to be, when not a single person seemed to be actively looking for him.

Could he have been that horrible a person? That no one would miss him nor mind him being gone?

Once more he came to ask himself if perhaps he should simply let go of looking for his past life and just focus on who he was now. To try and fill the glaring hole in his mind with new memories and experiences, and just be the person he felt comfortable being at this moment.

'If only it were that easy,' John scoffed mentally as he pushed the glass door open to leave the circular building the police station was located in.

Maybe he should just start by stopping to come by here.

Detective Miller was right, of course they'd inform him if there were any news. It was just him being sentimentally hopeful that made him take the three hour train ride to this quaint, small town on some of the weekends to personally check in with the local police department (and to try to find any more clues around his mysterious appearance here himself), really – and what good had it done him so far? Every time he just left the place feeling dejected and even more lost than before he’d arrived.

Walking down a concrete staircase, hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, he decided to go for one last walk along the beach. Since he was already here, he might as well go and really enjoy the seaside view, he told himself.

Monday found John back in London.

He’d spent a good part of the first half of the day filling his lessons with comments and what he thought to be interesting facts about the respective countries’ culture on top of teaching the languages, keen on keeping his mind busy and distracting himself from any potential brooding which typically followed another fruitless weekend at the Dorset coast. (He tried not to question the wealth of his general knowledge too much, with his memories seeming to be perfectly fine in that aspect – while anything personal was just one big void. It was rather peculiar, and kind of hinted at the possibility of his amnesia having psychological origins… He wasn’t sure how he felt about that idea.)

His off the track rambling had been brought to an end, though, when one of his students corrected him on a rather well known historical fact, dumbfounding John when the other students had agreed with their peer. He’d been pretty sure he had gotten it right, as he’d been correct with everything else so far. He’d put it off to being a bit too scatterbrained (or his general memory maybe not being perfectly fine, after all) and decided to just check on that again by himself later.

With his courses finishing early in the afternoon on Mondays, John made plans to spend the rest of the day with flat hunting, next to planning future lessons, and made his way to a quiet little café he’d come to like frequenting, his second-hand laptop resting in a messenger bag against his side. While he didn’t mind company as such, he was growing a little tired of being constantly surrounded by people who were mostly over a decade younger than him, and having to share most of the living area with several students at once. (He was growing especially tried of curious - if probably well-meaning - students who tried triggering his memory by constantly asking him personal questions he had no answers to. He was really starting to regret that news article.)

While the arrangement had been fine for the first few weeks (beggars couldn’t be choosers, after all), he found himself increasingly longing for some more privacy, especially when he’d find his mood shifting towards the more gloomy side.

So he tried finding his own place to live at, or at least a shared living situation in a much smaller scale – which was easier said then done for a person lacking concrete identification and a comparably modest income in a city like London.

Still, couldn’t hurt to try.

And so John was nursing his second cup of tea at the café a little later, scrolling through offers on the internet after having already sent out three inquiries via mail, when another particular one caught his eye. At first he thought he had misread the rental charge, mixing up the line it was stated on with the advert above it, but when he clicked on it he realised it was indeed correct.

Instantly intrigued, John read through it carefully; a single person was looking for a subtenant to a spare room in their three room flat located in the nearby Chiswick area, with a monthly rent that was well within his budget and frankly speaking rather low considering the location, ticking all the mental boxes he had been looking for. He had hopes that as a subtenant people would be more inclined to turn a blind eye to his lack of identification papers as long as he could proof he had a stable income.

It sounded nearly too good, and John was almost certain an offer like that would already be taken up, as it had been posted a few hours ago, but he still hastily typed an inquiry anyway. Sending it away, he took a long drink from his tea, mentally crossing his fingers, before finishing his scrolling of the remaining adverts. When no other offer caught his eye, he finally decided to work on his course lessons.

Around twenty minutes into it, he got distracted by an alert to a new mail. Curiously opening his inbox, he felt a spike of excitement when he saw the subject line referring to the Chiswick flat, quickly clicking on the message.

“Hi John!

You’re actually the first person I got around to respond to since I only found time to check my messages just now, so no worries there! Give me a quick call under this number, so we can talk this out a bit?”

John blinked in surprise, hardly able to believe bis luck. But then his eyes fell on the phone number the message ended on, and he felt his excitement curbed again a little as he typed a reply.

“Sorry, don’t have a phone. Know it’s a bit unheard of and that I should be getting one, but so far I just didn’t get around to it. Is that a problem? I could ask to borrow one? Might just take me a mo’”

He send it off right away, with the hope that he didn’t sound too desperate coming up only once it was already sent into the digital ether. Still, if he was the first candidate, then he didn’t want to waste time that could potentially lead to someone else getting their chance. He was looking around the café, sizing up the few other patrons and which of them looked the most likely to borrow him their phone as he couldn’t spot the café’s employee right then, when another alert drew his attention back to the laptop.

John opened the message.

“Bugger. Do you have Skype on your computer? (You know, I think that might actually beat a phone call for a first impression!) I’m using the same email address on there.”

He was pretty sure he’d seen that name before among the pre-installed software, and sure enough, a quick search revealed that he did, indeed, have Skype on his laptop. Grumbling under his breath about why everything needed a separate registration, John finally managed set up an account and look for his potential future flat-mate. Adding them to his contacts, he typed a quick message.

“Hi, this is John who asked about the flat.”

A few moments after he had sent the message, he was surprised to find his laptop playing a ringing tune and popping up a window that informed him about an incoming video call. Clicking on the accept button, he watched the window turn black with a new tiny window displaying himself at the bottom corner, before the connection was finally established and revealed a view on his contact slash potential flat-mate.

John froze briefly as he took in the sight on his screen, feeling like something was tickling the back of his mind, similar to the sensation of a déjà vu.

It was a woman; around her mid-twenties, blonde, shoulder-length hair framing a triangular face in soft waves, a smile spreading over full lips as she gave a little wave into the camera.

“Hiya! I’m Rose.”

#ficandchips #10th doctor #Rose Tyler #doctor who #DW AU #anni fic #this chap is mostly an overview of what happened to get John to the point he is at now #things will progress in a more current and direct manner from here on #(and yes. Yes I did allow myself a small crossover cameo with the beach location there. Shhhh... ;D)

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college-student-in-her-twenties · 3 years

Text

My Main Takeaways from Attending a College-Level Writing Class as an Adult

Not everyone followed the classic graduate high school, pick a career when you are 18, go to college for four years, graduate, and get a job sort of path. Whether life got in the way, or you simply did not feel like college was for you – I want you to know that it is okay. Life is full of unconventional surprises, nothing goes according to plan, and sometimes you got to pave your own path.

With this in mind, and being in my twenties, I never pictured myself going to college. I love my job reached a point where I consider myself successful. I did not need an ounce of secondary education to get to where I am right now. But then there was a pandemic, and the world was upside down, and I started working from home. I had so much free time, and I realized I could attend college via Zoom. While I find online meetings absolutely dreadful, I thought to myself; I can get this “thing” over with. By “thing,” I am referring to getting a degree.

Fast forward, I applied to Florida International University, I got accepted, I was asked to pick out a major at age 23, I said business (I regret this, I am switching to something less math-centric), and there I was attending my first class. People usually say they feel a knot inside their throat when they are nervous. Well, I felt like I had 27 knots inside mine. While I only knew my classmates through an online realm, I was terrified. I have never been more afraid of 18-year-olds in my life. There was a voice inside my head shouting, “what if they realize I am older?”. They did realize I am older, not because of my looks, but because kids these days look up their classmates on Instagram and send them DM’s. Weird if you ask me, but hey, there were like one or two slightly older people like me in each class, and I felt a bit better about myself. As a slightly older generation, we have to get adjusted to change. Things are not the way we remember them; nobody takes notes in their notebooks anymore. Everyone brings their computer to class and uses an iPad with a journal app to take notes.

While there is so much you can learn online, college makes you step out of your comfort zone. Nothing like a good ole writing class to make you sit down and think about every single choice you have made in your entire life. While in the outside world, we all have access to Amazon books, Khan Academy, and sketchy PDF versions of texts, let’s be honest, none of us are reading them. Instead, my Writing & Rhetoric forcefully exposed me to so many narratives with points of view different from mine. The writing prompts of the class made me sit down and psychoanalyze the way I expressed myself. How my definition of language is rooted in my family’s culture and the places I lived in. As the kids these days say, I was “SHOOK.” While I do not think a person needs college to be successful in their professional life, college incites thinking. You have so many spaces dedicated to discussions and you get to receive feedback from professors who are the brightest people in their fields. As cliché as it sounds, you are forced to step out of your comfort zone.

Going back to why I personally decided to enroll, I required a serious change of pace. I needed to be exposed to other things; I was having a mini Eat, Pray, Love moment, okay? I was already doing all the eating by ordering all the Uber Eats all the time. It was time for that Pray moment; since I am not religious, the closest thing to a sermon that I will watch are TedTalks and god, did I have to watch those while in class. I had to listen to people that I would not typically want to listen to; I browse the internet all day, every day, and would not click on those talks if they popped up on my Youtube. Good thing I had a professor who made me listen to them. I learned so much. Did you know about the Sudani genocide? I did not.

Every assignment taught me something. Watching the Sudan Genocide TED Talk opened my eyes to so much. Not just the gory details of a mass tragedy, but the author explained how powerful sharing her trauma was to her. I thought she was inspiring, and then again, this is an example of a story I would have overlooked if I had not chosen to take this writing class. Now, for the sake of conciseness, I will list my main takeaways from the course. I want everyone reading this blog to also benefit from being exposed to different points of view and appreciate how they can make you a better writer.

Let’s get started.

Tip #1: Never stop writing. There is no such thing as a final draft, and there is something you can always work on or improve about your writing.

Most people do not think of themselves as “writers,” but anyone who can put words together and grab pen and paper are technically writers. What I learned throughout this class is that writing involves practice and dedication. While not everyone has hours and hours to devote to their writing, you can always make sure you at least re-read what you wrote down. Whether it is a text, a Tweet, or a cover letter, make sure to re-read. Even the most seasoned writers make minor spelling and grammar mistakes. Perhaps a sentence you wrote down made more sense in your head than it did on paper; fix it. You will improve your writing by a lot if you stop for a second and re-read.

As writer Richard Marius explains in his essay Writing Drafts, “Some writers cut up their first drafts with a pair of scissors. They toss some paragraphs into the trash; others they paste up with rubber cement in the order that seems most logical and coherent.” The writing process is different for all of us, but it will always involve some sort of re-writing. Adding, removing, or cutting up paragraphs and sentences. Finding new and improved words and expressions to give a better meaning to our thoughts. Writing is a messy yet beautiful process that I had forgotten about and that you probably have too. My advice to you, is to figure out a way to practice your writing. Whether it is starting a blog like this one, writing a letter to a friend, or finding a random essay prompt and writing an essay for yourself. The more you practice, the better you will get.

Tip #2: Embrace your identity. Everyone has a unique origin that makes them who they are. Whether it is your nationality, race, the languages you speak, where you grew up, or who you are surrounded by –make that a part of your writing—no more hiding your true colors.

Before this class, I rarely ever made a point to communicate my background through my writing. Every time I had something to write, I was as neutral as possible, which made my writing lack personality. Times have changed drastically in the last few years, and writing has become the ultimate way of self-expression. Do not be afraid to include cultural elements in your narratives, whether it is a word in your native language with no translation to English or expressions that are particular to your culture. Celebrate your heritage through your writing, and do not shy away from embracing who you indeed are. While I know you will not be writing a full-blown narrative about how your parents are immigrants, I recommend you put this tip into practice in your daily life. Perhaps include details about yourself on your next Instagram caption or Facebook status update. LinkedIn could be the perfect place to reflect about your heritage and the relationship it has with your profession. Your writing shall be a reflection of your true self.

Tip #3: Always keep your intended audience in mind. Make sure your writing suits the audience you are writing it for. Fix your tone, syntax, and structure to cater to the right audience and suit your genre.

This is such an essential tip! For example, when I am writing for my blog, I can say whatever I want and anything I feel. I can incorporate jokes and pop culture references. I can be as sarcastic as I want and as unapologetic as I feel on that given day. The same goes for my social media accounts and private conversations with friends. When writing a formal document, or cover letter that a potential employer would read, I would use a far more serious tone. I would shy away from jokes and opt for formal words. I would ensure my writing is sophisticated and concise. My goal would be to sound eloquent and respectful because I keep my intended audience, the potential employer, in mind.

Tip #4: Do not be afraid to get real. Feel free to write candidly about anything you want, whether it is a personal story or an issue you feel strongly about. Effective writing can help you tell your stories and effectively share your thoughts.

I struggle with this one a bit. While I can be personable and talkative, I am private about most things in life. Going back to the TED Talk about the Sudani woman, Emi Mahmoud, she convinced her audience and gave life to her poetry by opening up. If we did not know about her trauma, her words would not be as impactful. If you watch the conference, you will learn about the warplanes she could hear every morning while eating breakfast and how her hometown became a war zone. That is so impactful and heart-wrenching. Think of writing as a cathartic experience, it will allow you to release whatever experience is causing you trauma and allow you to connect your audience better. Writing about your experiences and who you are, makes you seem more human, which essential to communicate to an audience.

I genuinely hope you read through these tips and at least apply one of them to your writing. Before enrolling in college, I thought I was an excellent writer, and while I am probably not bad, I lacked depth. I did not sit down and think of the purpose of my writing and who I wanted to reach. I seldom opened up and did not let my writing embody who I am. Beyond the four tips stated above, my most important takeaway from this class is to be a fearless person and allow that to translate into my writing.

This philosophy can be applied to anything in life. For instance, if you want to go to college, do it. If you do not want to pick out your life at age 18, that is okay too. If you are 40, have kids, a job, a dog, and a mortgage, but feel like there are things you want to learn inside a classroom that Youtube cannot teach you, go to college! You mind your life, your choice. It is time for people to feel empowered to whatever they want at their own pace.

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