#every-dayiwakeup

[suledins]

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (2014) dir. Anthony Russo, Joe Russo.

[1-800-whatwouldbillydo]

 Dissecting Character Scenes: Billy Hargrove

*I say that like he’s not the only character I analyze lmfao- anyway* 

His Hand Movements

The above movement is what I do when: 

I’m nervous. For one, it helps me calm down. Since anxiety is essentially unwanted energy, it helps deal with me being an overcharged energizer bunny by using that energy in a non-harmful way. 

I get too in my head, and I need to ground myself.

I’m thinking.

I’m about to talk to someone or do something. When you overthink, or when you have a lot on your mind, even talking to people is something you feel like you need some preparation for. Especially when you’re in a completely different environment, and you have to start over. 

I need to remember something, like the “script”. What am I going to say to Person A? What are they going to do? How are they going to respond? How should I respond? These scripts are like mental teleprompters. I play numerous scenarios in my head, and I prepare a bunch of responses to them, whether it’s physical or verbal. It’s an internal peptalk. Sometimes you cancel out the responses that you don’t think will apply, and you zero in on what you’re going with. Needless to say, it takes some time to always do this, which you aren’t always offered. 

When you live with an unpredictable abuser, you’re walking on eggshells. It can require you to apply extreme control over your tone, your volume, your facial expression, and your words. They nitpick at everything you say, so you learn to think before you talk. You have to take a step back somehow, collect yourself, and keep a level head, which is hard in an environment like that. 

The impressions other people have of you can get you in trouble with your abuser. Whether you’re late for a class or you don’t turn in an assignment, the last thing you want is for someone to call your abuser. 

They count on you to mess up somehow, so they have a “justification” to punish you. If you talk back or raise your voice, they can see this as a green light, because they’re making you react. And your reaction, no matter what, will probably piss them off. 

So, thinking things through, including your tone of voice and what comes out of your mouth, are things you tend to pick up in that sort of environment. 

Scene #2

How am I going to handle this? 

That’s what I find myself asking when I find myself in an unknown situation where I need to measure my response. The unknown tends to be borderline suspicious. Sure, living with someone like Neil can make you paranoid, but you’ve got some built in red flags in your court. You pick up things that others may not. To you, it’ll probably be common sense. In this situation, it IS common sense for Billy to be suspicious of Steve. 

Flying off the handle immediately isn’t Billy’s style. It takes a considerable amount of control to even talk to Steve. Neil had shaken him up, and then Billy dealt with Karen. Now he’s having to deal with Steve lying to him about where Max is. But he uses force as a last resort. So much happened to him before this particular scene, that he was most likely a bundle of emotions and anxiety by the time he drove up to the Byers’ house. 

While the audience knew what was going on, Billy didn’t. The fact that he actually tried to talk to Steve shows that he didn’t want for there to be a fight. He just wanted to get Max home. 

“I don’t understand” is quite literally his theme all throughout his life. The entire time he was in Hawkins, he did not understand what was going on. 

@ickypuppi3​ pointed out that he fidgets so much with his fingers, like that scene with Max in the car at school when he’s holding his cigarette. The anxiety really comes through when he’s about to do something.

Scene #3 

Like in this scene, where he’s prepping to face Neil, who’s banging on his door, signaling that he’s in a hotheaded mood. How Neil’s “temperature” is will indicate what Billy’s reaction will be. Here, he has to face Neil’s heat with as much of a cool head as he can. He also knows that no matter what he does, Neil will blow a gasket. 

GIF credit to @suledins

[hephaestn]

Billy 😭😭

SCREAMM STOPPPPP FFJFJDJDJDJDJDJD

i might be genuinely losing it right now i can’t stop wheezing

[disdaidal]

People saying Billy was worse than Jason is so funny (a bit concerning too 💀).

Billy had plenty of reasons to be angry. He also... never really initiated fights. Whenever he was fighting, he was either protecting or he was experiencing flashbacks (sad that his trauma was still going on 🤧).

Billy actually seemed sorta... laid back. I hc he was bipolar, and ofc anxiety (like Dacre said). But for the most part, my dude waa just trying to get by.

Jason however...

I've said it before I'll said it again. He's gaston-

The duffers can't even make a character without ripping off other existing medias (joke but also may be true lmao)

I mean Billy was annoying and initiated at least some of that stuff, but the fight at the Byers house was a combination of him being lied to right in his face + frustration because of Neil & Max. People only focus on the Lucas part (which was shitty yeah) and the fact that he beat Steve up (yeah he crossed the line there, but it's not like Steve was completely innocent either). But there was so much else going on in there, too, and it irritates me to see this whole scene being brought up over and over again just for one or two reasons only.

But other than that, Billy was a pretty mellow bully compared to Jason. He was loud and annoying and mainly bullied Steve on the basketball court (again, Steve used to bully others) and tried to get his attention and show him who's the boss. His whole s2 arc mainly revolved around Steve and acting pissed off about being his stepsister's chauffeur & babysitter. (Which honestly would've pissed me off too because I was left alone at a much younger age & I was fine lol)

Whereas Jason rallied and led a whole goddamn mob after Eddie to kill him (just like Gaston), he and his friends beat up Eddie's bandmates because they wouldn't tell where Eddie was, his friends also tackled down Erica (an 11-year-old girl). He also acts like a total obsessed creep toward Nancy at the gunshop, grabbing at her gun and staring at her like a maniac while saying/asking disturbing things. Not to mention the final scene between him and Lucas which was way worse and way more violent than what happened between Billy and Lucas.

But Jason was toned down and just misunderstood? Okay.

I guess Billy should've been a little more psycho then. 🤷‍♀️ And, you know, less realistic. Because apparently, that's what these people hate more.

[themistymountainscold]

Billy: I'm so lonely 🥺

Eddie: *pops up out of nowhere like jack in the box* Hiya, stranger!

Billy: Not that lonely.

LMAO

eddie stored himself away for times like this. he is here to help billy's crisis' but continues to make them worse.

[prettyboybillyhargrove]

Soft, baby, eeby deeby, shiny ✨️

STOPPPP YOURE MAKİNG ME BLUSHHHJJJ JDKGLSLHŞSLFLSL YES WERE FRIEMSSSSS give me all the cat/froggie picssssss

[lutes-and-dandelions]

Obsessed with your "come on Eileen post" 🥺

Steve would definitely find a way to make every song about Billy

I’m so pleased you liked it so much! 💖

And he WOULD! I’m now imagining Steve singing “You make my dreams” by Daryl Hall and John Oates at Billy and it makes me want to weep. And and and and singing “Get Outta my Dreams, Get Into my Car” by Billy Ocean but instead of singing ‘get in the backseat baby’ he’d totally sing ‘get in the backseat BILLY!’ While waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

[belovedharringrove]

☆ Put this star into the inbox of your favourite blogs. It's time to spread positivity 💙

RED ❤️💖💘💕💖💓💕💗💝💝❤️💗❤️💝❤️💝❤️💗❤️ have i told you before that you’re my favorite person? because you are 😭❤️

[camaro-and-smokes]

List five things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box of the last ten people who reblogged something from you. Spread the positivity!! 💗💗

Thank you so much for the ask! I've been getting so many of these, and I'm trying to give everyone a bit different answers :D

New hair :) still purple 💜

My senior pup has recovered really well from his operation last week (he had a malignant tumor removed)

I was able to vacuum the house. I haven't done that...since December. We moved to a new house in between so it's just been a few weeks really - but it was the first time I vacuumed at the new house.

I'm doing so well mentally that I can actually get chores done. It's definitely something that's not going to last for forever, so, as mundane as it is, I'm trying to enjoy it while it lasts.

I get to go to the old house and actually start packing rest of the stuff for the BIG move. (yes, humans and dogs moved, no, all of our stuff didn't yet make the trip)

[imsodishy]

✨🧡🌙SEND THIS TO TEN OTHER BLOGGERS YOU THINK ARE WONDERFUL. KEEP THE GAME GOING ✨

[suledins]

You know me. No, I don’t! Bucky... You’ve known me your whole life. Your name is James Buchanan Barnes. Shut up! I’m not gonna fight you. You’re my friend. You’re my mission.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (2014) dir. Anthony Russo, Joe Russo.

[talesfrom-theupsidedown]

☆ Put this star into the inbox of your favourite blogs. It's time to spread positivity 💙

Red my dear!!! 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰 Thank you!!!! You’ve been so lovely and welcoming to lil old me who switched fandoms and started over with a new blog. Cause I have no control over my fixations. 😂 I adore you!! 😘😘😘

[hephaestn]

I think it's really poetic that after Billy is reminded of a time when he fought his father (trying to protect his mother- and he's yet again being put in that role with El, as well as someone he's been protecting, Max)... that's when he gathers enough strength to fight the Mind Flayer.

He's reminded of the boy Neil tried to keep hidden from him.

The real Billy Hargrove.

Right there, Neil also lost a victim.

Because Billy remembers who he really is.

And in that moment, Neil loses.

(I am choosing to ignore the.... other thing about s3 😁)

STOPPPPP 😭💔

i'm so aware of this and somehow reading it like this made my heart shatter even more... i genuinely hate that they thought his redemption had to be a death sentence but it's still the most powerful scene in the entirety of the show and i will fight anyone that says otherwise. because the mind flayer and neil are reflections of one another in billy's life, and it's so goddamn powerful that a small reminder of who he used to be, how he used to feel, makes him break free from that possession. but each time i get reminded that for standing up to a reflection of his abuse, a force that has inflected a violation of his body and mind, he dies... i want to break things

[disdaidal]

😭

jim why

[themistymountainscold]

I give you... this 🧍‍♂️

omg this is beautiful

thank you for this brilliant add on love

[fanatics4l]

thank you for existing✨ send this to people who you think deserve a sweet and kind message in their inbox 🌹

thank you!! feeling very appreciated <3