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glitching-desert-snake · 3 years

Note

“Last time I ask you for a favor!” with some venom sibs! :^)

It 'tis done! 3k worth of venom siblings and some lovely StarParty for ya. Hope you like it!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31265705

(appologies if the read more doesn't work smh)

:readmore:

"Order up! Can we get two blue plates and a Destroya special, hold the cactus!" Party called from the booth they're waiting to Ghoul and Kobra in the kitchen.

"On it!" Ghoul called back.

"Hey," a voice said from behind them, tapping them on the shoulder. Poison turned around to see Jet Star and their cheeks flush.

"Did you um need something Star?" They asked

"It's noon so Venom's are off, I can take it from here."

"Right" They hand him their notepad and pen, "Oh the girls over there want just one milkshake to share so make sure Ghoul puts extra in it."

"Got it, have a nice break." Jet smiled and they try not to beam right back, a small wave and they are hanging up their apron and heading outside.

"Heyy, Party Poison." A killjoy was at their heels as soon as they exit the swinging doors.

"And who might you be?" They pause and lean on one leg as the 'joy caught up to them.

"The name's Band Saw, and well- you don't happen to like roller skating do you?" It took Party a moment to hide their curiosity. They didn't care for tricks or anything but you could find them rolling around. Not like Show Pony who was on quads 24/7. But they did know a certain blue haired someone who was dying to learn to skate.

"Say I did,"

"Well would'jya maybe want to come with me to the rink party Pony's holding this weekend?" Party Poison looked up with intrigue but quickly hid it with a long eyeroll, "I would sooner go with you than get my finger stuck in a band saw." The joy recoiled and took a deep sigh, "Oh ok um, nevermind then." they scurried off. Poison felt a twinge of regret but then happily didn't as they looked up to see Kobra Kid leaning on the back wall smirking.

"Don't they know the first rule of The Diner is no flirting with the waitstaff." He chuckled, "I made the rule to get rid of goonies like that."

"Eh, they technically weren't in The Diner when they asked." They noted as the two walked out to the fields.

"I guess. Here, slap up the sun's nice today." Kobra handed them some sunscreen and went to find a spot in the dry grasses to lie down. "Ghoul said Helibomb is going to come by on Sunday to see about the warm water not working."

"Oh the gal who wears heelys everywhere? I didn't realize she did more than just well work."

"Yep, they say she can even roll on her heelys up hill."

"Seems like just a frequency static rumor to me."

"If it's true then I'm taking one from her book for my bike. I don't care if it's magic or what, I want a piece."

"I'm sure you do. Hey Kobra, could you do me a favor?"

"Sure, what's up?"

"Did you hear about Show Pony's gig this weekend?"

"The partner skate? Sure I have, but I'm not planning on going on account of too many love birds in one flock."

Party swallowed and went red even though they knew better.

"Well duh, I know you're not going. That'd be like me walking into the bathrooms at Hyperthrust during a party." They both laughed and fake gagged.

"But man, for all that I'm supposedly talk of the town, apparently I'm also the last to hear about major events." They threw up their hands. "Anyways, think you could be a messenger pigeon?"

Kobra grinned, "Party,"

"Look- I can't go asking myself, I have an image to uphold!"

"A damn bitchy one" Kobra quipped, chewing his lip. "But no, I get it. Who's the lucky 'joy?" he looked sharply into Party's eyes and they quickly looked down.

"You're going to hate me for this." They said with a flush creeping onto their cheeks.

"I'm not gonna be mad Pois, you know that." he said, hugging his knees and looking at them.

"It's Jet Star." They say with a gulp.

"Party fuckin Poison, what to say." Kobra was grinning and shaking his head as he spoke in a sing song drawl, "You pick good ones. Aesthetics? Top game."

"Shut up!" Poison giggles

"And yes, of course I can do the honors for you- but it better be at The Nest because we all remember the last time drama happened while at work."

"Yeah, bacon and avocado do not belong on the ceiling." Party shook their head and smiled. Their face is still hot but they stand up and shake twigs from their jacket. "Thank you for this, Kid, really."

"Oh I wasn't done-" Kobra said, standing up and pointing a finger at them. "Because I want a favor in return."

"Alright shoot,"

"I don't know what it is yet," he said as they began "It all depends how much of a chaotic disaster the ask winds up being." He laughed and the sun glinted on his braces.

"Of course," Party said with a chuckle but they can't help their mind racing with every dismal possibly that could happen.

"So we only sold five milkshakes today on account of the machine breaking, big deal! Helibomb is coming Sunday afternoon, don't stress it Ghoul." Jet was leaning on the table and poking through music to put on.

"You know they're are biggest seller when it's hot out." Ghoul reasoned as he reached for a brush from the couch and worked on undoing his braids.

"Pst, Poison get over here." Kobra tapped his sibling on the shoulder. "I'm not being your wingman if you're just going to hide in the kitchen." Poison gulped and reluctantly drifted into the living room and stuck to the side of the wall. Kobra looked back at them and smiled and then walked over to Jet who was putting Earthling into the cassette player.

"Hey Jet, I've got a proposition for ya." Kobra grins as Little Wonder came on intermixed with static.

"Oh yeah?" Jet tucked a curl behind his ear. Party cringed at The Kid being so formal but couldn't look away.

"Party Poison here wants to go to the skate party at Pony's rink tomorrow night. And they want to know, if you'd do them the honors of being their date." Kobra put his hands in the pockets of his jacket and rests a contented look on his face. Jet for his part looked astonished.

"Really?" He asked, with a smile creeping over his face, looking from Kobra to Party and back.

"Yeah- but like, only if you want." Party said. They got themself off the wall and managed to stay standing despite harboring no trust in their legs to function.

"No I'd like that, sound's rad. It's just- man I don't even know how to roller skate."

"Oh"

"But I'd love it if you showed me how." Jet finished and Party beamed

"Hey you should pick some skates from the shoe pile, I think TCM dropped off some that might fit you."

"Oh yeah!" Jet bobbed his head and smiled.

He left to the nest and Party followed after him but not before siding up next to Kobra to mutter, "Thank you," with a breathy sigh.

"'Course" The Kid chuckled, "But remember, you owe me."

"Yeah yeah." Poison smiled as they exchanged their secret hand shake. Poison bounded down the hallway after Jet.

"Hi." Star said, quickly turning around. He brushed his hair back for like the fifth time that day and Poison couldn't help but notice all the freckles that had come out from being in the sun on the walk home from The Diner where Kobra's whispered heckling and teasing just made Party more giddy than they already were.

"Hi" They repeated. They knew enough to not think that something like What's your shoe size? was a deemable conversation but were lost of what to say instead.

"Did you really mean me?" Jet was asking.

"What?" Poison looks at him with concern as they pull out the pile of shoes and start handing skates to Jet.

"I mean like, you really want to go on a date date with me, not just like as friends?"

"I- yes." they swallow and look away, "Jet if you don't want to go that's fine. Just tell me now so I can sort out my feelings in peace."

"What? No no I'm not breaking up with you- I mean I'm not- I'm pastel for you too, Party." It's Jet's turn to look away but Poison drops a skate in their lap to stare at him. "I didn't think you felt any way for me, I mean you're Party 'I insult everyone' Poison, I never thought you'd like someone like-"

"I don't insult every one." They interject with a sigh. "You and Kobra both on top of me over this." They shake their head, Ghoul understood the need to cover everything up and keep things safe with a shell of spite but Kobra and Jet would just zip shut over anything touchy. Well, or punch your lights out if it was Jet.

"Wait a minute, what were you going to say?"

Jet turned slightly towards them, "I didn't think you'd like someone all well, quiet n' stuff. Man, I come home from work and then just work on my bots whiles you off partying the lights away."

"Pff Star, you think I go to parties to pick up 'joys to date?"

"I mean, yeah?" Jet looks at them confused as he puts on another skate, "Think these fit." he said absent mindedly, still looking intently at Party.

"Star, I go to parties for the music, for the friends, and yeah maybe sometimes to blow off some adrenaline without a raygun, but I-" they stuck out their tongue slightly as they slipped the lace into an eyelet, I don't take people home from parties and I'd never fuck anyone, ever they want to say but instead just mutter, "I don't go to the club for crushes. And besides, I didn't think you liked me. Whyd'ja think I sent The Kid to ask for me."

"Party what do you mean! How could I not be pastel for your smiles and when you wear tank tops while tagging up the radio station, or skirts out to parties, and the way you get all nervous before reading."

"Okay now that's just not fair. You're so cute when you're covered in motor oil and showing me your bots, not to mention how sharp of a shot you are both at darts and dracs. But also you know you make the best milkshakes this side of the radiation pools."

"Stoop now you makin me all melted." Star shoves them and laughs,

"Not before you did!" Party retorts and they dissolve into a fit of laughter.

The following night Party and Jet rode down to the rink. The lights were bright and the pizza was pretty shitty but it was ok. Jet told them about his plans to try to make a drone while Party tied his skates for him. They stepped out on the rink and skated in a small circle then rolled back to the edge where Jet was still standing on the carpet. On other days they would stare at the black and bright colored carpet wanting to look like it but they knew Jet was just scared.

"If you fall, I've got you." They whispered in his ear and he looked up. Poison hadn't seen Star actually scared, not since ray blasts streaked the sky. He stepped onto the rink and diligently kept his feet exactly parallel.

"Here see, you skate like this." Party kicked off and skated a few feet, then turned and slid back to Jet.

"Here goes nothing." Star said and tried to put his feet into a V like theirs. He started to pick up his foot but fell off-balanced onto Party who hit the rink on their wrist guard. Star was mortified but his body was so close, Party reminded themself to breathe. They ran their hand along his arm.

"Hi" they breathed

"I suck at this for real." Jet groaned and then took their hand. Party got onto their feet and pulled Jet up to standing.

They spent most of the night very close to the nice friendly padded wall. Party showed Jet how to get comfortable on his skates and every once in a while left him on the shore of the rink to practice a spin or skating backwards.

"Now you're just showing off." Jet laughed as Party vogued to the song playing.

"C'mon you can at least do this." They insisted and rolled their wrist against their neck. Jet was much better at voguing than skating, shaping his face square and sweeping circles in the air. Party watched with a quiet smile intently trained on Jet, watching him slowly get more confident until the fear from the beginning of the night melted away.

Eventually Jet did manage to skate without holding onto anything, only to realize he didn't know how to stop. Veering towards Party, he pressed them up to the wall. Poison just laughed.

"Can I kiss you Star?" Party asked

"Only if you show me how to stop after." Jet smiled and Party pressed a kiss to his cheek. Jet held onto the wall as Party kicked off into a simple forwards skate.

"Point your toes and bring your legs together." Party half shouts over the music. Jet takes a couple of tries but eventually gets the hang of it. He skates up to Party and stops right in front of them. They hold his hands and he kisses them. Poison flips up to stand on their heel stops and leans into him. When they finish skating Jet's legs are shaking. He thinks it's on account of it being his first time skating. Party can't tell if it's from skating or being on a date with Jet. But really it's all three mixed into a wavering walk home bubbling with laughter and then dying down to quiet murmurs on the wind.

"So, what's your revenge against my innocent little ask?" Party said with their hand on their hips and a sarcastic lilt in their voice.

"You know how little Mr. Tommy Chow Mein's got that one spot on the back shelf that damn no body supposed to touch?"

"Oh noo, what about it."

"Well, I've been peeping this helmet he's got up there, right? And I think it'd be perfect to go with my wheels now that I have some races under my belt as Lucky No. 27 this dinky BLI helmet got nothing on the other guys. I want you, with all that charisma you got packed away in there, to get it in my hands."

"Oh come on Kid, it's TCM! I can't just walk up to our used-to-be-dad and ask him to sell me contra!"

"It's not actually contraband though, red." Jet Star chimes in from where he's listening bemusedly to the venom siblings. "Hand me a hair tie would you Ghoul?" he asks Ghoul, who's patiently getting his hair braided by Jet.

"I got 50 carbons you can use for bartering."

"Oh sure that'll help but it's still the no sells shelf. And TCM isn't pastel for you like Mx. Propulsion here." Ghoul said with a smirk and Jet flicks hair in his face.

"Alright alright, I'll try but no promises alright Kobra."

"What? Just try, that's BS."

"Hey I didn't know if I'd be getting a joyfriend or not out of your favor, I don't know if you'll be off with a helmet or not."

"Fine." Kobra said in a drawn out whine.

Poison grabbed the ring of carbons and Ghoul tossed Jet the keys to the Trans Am.

"You're coming too?" Party asks as Jet leaves with them

"You know I want to see how this plays out." He said with a laugh and Party rolls their eyes.

"Make sure they're putting in effort, I want that helmet next sunrise race!" Kobra called as they left.

"Heyy Tommy C! How's it hanging?" Party said

"It's hanging like a plastic bag in a 'crow's nest- what do you want Party?" Tommy shuts off whatever audio drama he'd been listening to and leaned on the counter looking down at Party.

"Jus' wanna talk, that so bad?" Tommy just rolled his eyes.

"Look are you buying something or just here to make me change the station. I've heard enough of your rants, I'm not turning on the radio my books are just fine."

"So listen, I was just wondering about that helmet you got over there. It's pretty bonus track and a uh, associate of mine was looking into it."

"This is not the helmet you're looking for." TCM said and a wave of calm washed over Party. They were immediately confused, they were never this calm. There was something they needed but it wasn't here. Wait of course it was. Jet wouldn't be standing in the corner watching the whole scene amused if it hadn't been for Kobra. What was it about Kobra? He wanted the helmet right. It took half of Party's effort just to remember this but then he was at it again.

"Where'd you get it anyways?"

"A long time ago. It's very old, your sibling doesn't want it."

"Oh yeah?" That pang hit their thoughts again but they kept going. "Where'd you get it?"

"No where near here, a galaxy far far away, you could say."

"Well look, since you already know it's The Kid who's trying to get his hands on it what do you even have against him?'

"Yeah, Jet pipes up- me and Ghoul were the ones always pulling pranks on you. He didn't do nothing to you."

"Let me do this, it's not your trade." Party said, putting their hand on Jet's chest.

"Fine." Jet sighed and went back to browsing the zine rack.

"The Kobra Kid can't have my helmet, and no one else can either."

"Ok but what if I gave you 50 Cs?" Party asked, stifling the blow to their train of thought.

"Agh! Why don't these work on you rascal?" Tommy threw down his sunglasses in annoyance. "Fine you want to know about this helmet. I got this helmet pod racing until my rival decided to blow out my hyperdrive frequency and led me to crash land by ship on this measly planet. And then what? Jammed radios from a certain somebody meant I couldn't fly anymore. Set up shop instead, an the rest's history.

"But you know what? If it's useless to me, it's just as useless to you and yours." Tommy sighed and took the carabiners of 25 carbons each and slid them onto the rods in his cash register and begrudgingly passed the helmet down to Party.

"Kobra! We're home!"

"Did they get my helmet?" Kobra asks as he runs into the nest.

"Sure did! Diligently and without help from yours truly." Jet reported back and kissed Party quickly on the cheek to the return of a grin on their face.

Kobra ran over and took the helmet from Poison and immediately put it on.

"Uh Party?" He waved his arms around

"Do you like it?"

"Pois, I can't see a thing." Kobra took the helmet back off and examined the front, realizing that not only was GOOD LUCK painted across the entire screen but the inside was also painted black.

"What the-" Party grabbed it from him and put it on, only to find completely darkness and if they crossed their eyes, a bit of shine to the paint.

"Man you get a joyfriend and I get a fuckin useless helmet!? Last time I ask you for a favor!" He pouces onto Poison and they topple onto the couch, wrestling each other until it dissolves into a pillow fight.

#snake writes #this was so fun to write #ask to tag #jet star #party poison #kobra kid #ttlotfk #ttlofk #danger days #starparty #jetpoison #answered aks

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thelordofdarkreunion · 4 years

Text

A List of Things the Scoundrels Are No Longer Allowed to Do

So, I have recently read “A List of Things Skippy Isn’t Allowed to Do in the Army” and “A List of Things Dr. Bright isn’t allowed to do at the SCP Foundation”, and I decided to do a version of my own. Some of these are taken from these other two lists. If anyone who reads this you has any ideas for the list, feel free to add them.

The group known as the Magnificent Scoundrels has gotten a bit out of hand. This list was compiled by Admiral Hackett of the Systems Alliance, Admiral Kelly of the GA, Fleet Admiral Hood of the UNSC, Inquisitor Vail of the Holy Inquisition, Commander Briggs of the Frontier Militia, Princess Leia of the New Republic, and Director Fury of SHIELD in order to curb the Scoundrels’ more dangerous or inappropriate behaviors. These rules apply to all Scoundrels and their teams/crews.

1. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to call SPARTAN super soldiers “big boys”.

2. The Better Business Bureau is not the correct agency for handling people who smuggle Sith holocrons.

3. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say the phrase “I am in need of a new host body” within earshot of Imperial Inquisitors.

4. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to bargain personnel for their “souls”. Even if they say they can get you a good deal.

5. Government equipment is not to be used to bootleg pornography.

6. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to cite Kevin McCallister from Home Alone as a credible source for anti-personnel tactics in official documents.

7. The rumor that Adam Vir wears heelies while in official dress uniform is a blatant lie.

8. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to send spam emails to Ceberus. Even if it is funny.

9. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to apply mind control devices to major political figures.

10. Thomas Drake is no longer allowed to use time travel devices. Especially if his reasoning is to “screw with those history nerds.”

11. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use telepaths to alter or affect the outcomes of reality based television shows.

12. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to trade government property for liquor.

13. “I was bored” is not a valid excuse.

14. The Scoundrels are not allowed to begin a crusade without the written permission of the Imperial Inquisition.

15. Thanos is not to be referred to as “Biggy T”.

16. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use fan conventions as recruitment drives.

17. Any proposal which includes the phrase “metric fuck load” is to be denied.

18. The video game Doom is not a credible source.

19. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to allow Starfleet red shirts to be possessed by daemons or ancient Sith Lords.

20. When researching time travel, please refer to the work of the IMC’s ARES Division or the Starfleet, not Doctor Who, Back to the Future, or Call of Duty Zombies.

21. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to to accept or use any of the following as currency:

Your soul

Anyone else’s soul

Firstborn children

Memories

Memes

Blood

Organs

Virginity

Ponies

Eldritch Artifacts

22. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to join any communist party for any reason. (Note from Thomas Drake- Hell yeah. Those guys suck.)

23. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to join any fascist party for any reason. (Note from Thomas Drake- Hell yeah. Those guys suck too.)

24. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to join the Imperial Cult, unless they are an already practicing member. (Note from Thomas Drake- LONG LIVE OUR GLORIOUS LEADER THE GOD-EMPEROR OF MAN AND IF YOU ARE AN INQUISITOR PLEASE NOTE I HAVE NEVER SAID ANYTHING BAD ABOUT THE EMPEROR EVER.)

25. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to taunt the Asari about how bad they are at fighting wars.

26. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to chew gum during staff meetings, unless they brought enough for everybody.

27. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to chew gum during staff meetings, even if they did bring enough for everyone.

28. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Volus’s as bowling pins or bowling balls.

29. While we do not have jurisdiction over him and thus cannot prevent their sale, none of the other Scoundrels are to purchase or proquire experimental drugs from Thomas Drake.

30. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to imply that their superior officers served in World War II. They aren’t that old.

31. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use military vehicles to “squish” things.

32. Surprisingly enough, or, perhaps not, considering what’s on there, downloading the entirety of 4chan into a Geth Colossus did, in fact, shut it down.

33. Loudspeaker systems are not to be used to broadcast the soundtracks of porno movies.

34. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to drink copious amounts of food coloring before urine tests.

35. When operating military vehicles, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt “something I saw in a cartoon”.

36. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.

37. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make s’mores while on guard duty.

38. The Illuminati are not a part of the chain of command.

39. Pants are not optional parts of a dress uniform.

40. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to trade military equipment for “magic beans”. (Note from Peter Quill- They were pretty cool though.)

41. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to call medics “Dr. Feelgood” unless Feelgood is the medic’s actual last name.

42. The God-Emperor of Mankind is not to be referred to as “Big Daddy E” or “The Lord of Bling”.

43. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to take the batteries from other peoples alarm clocks.

44. Unless you are a certified Titan Pilot, you are not allowed to pilot a Titan.

45. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

46. “Challenge accepted” is not a valid excuse for anything.

47. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to claim that they are reincarnations of famous historical figures without proof.

48. Thomas Drake is a human mercenary. He does not possess any of the following:

Laser eyes

Laser nostrils

Laser [CENSORED]

An adamantium skeleton

A map leading to “all of the Nazi gold”

Mjolnir

The Kronorium

The Necronomicon

The Book of Magnus

“The touch”

“The power”

“The secret”

“The 6th sense”

The ability to distinguish between butter and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!

49. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to start theological debates between members of the Imperial Cult and the Covenant.

50. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to mock Stormtroopers of the Galactic Empire over how bad their aim is. Even if their aim is bad.

51. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hold “Jamaican vacation giveaways”.

52. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sell counterfeit Infinity Stones.

53. Pictures of other Scoundrels in compromising positions are not to be put on the internet. Or the extra- or holo- net.

54. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to “water” Vrul. While they do get their energy from photosynthesis, they are not plants.

55. The Scoundrels are not “the final bosses” of anything.

56. The Scoundrels must try not to antagonize SPECTREs, Inquisitors, or ODSTs.

57. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on government time.

58. There are no evil clowns living under your bed.

59. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to form press gangs.

60. The Scoundrels are not the kings or queens of cheese.

61. If the thought of something makes you giggle for more than 15 seconds, you are to assume you aren’t allowed to do it.

62. Crucifixes do not ward off superior officers, and you should not test that.

63. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to mount bayonets on heavy machine guns.

64. Try and keep all mockery of the press at an appropriate minimum.

65. You cannot imply your CO is possessed by anything.

66. You cannot trade your CO to the Covenant.

67. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use government resources to waterproof dirty magazines.

68. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.

69. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

70. “I was drunk” is not a valid or appropriate excuse.

71. Mandalorian armor is not part of any of our governments’ full dress uniforms.

72. You should not yell “Kobe!” when blowing up enemy starships.

73. The “revolution” is not now.

74. Unless you are in extremely dire circumstances, you are not allowed to eat your uniform.

75. Body checking General officers is not a good idea.

76. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell police officers that belt-fed machine guns are “medicinal”.

77. If you check the box marked “Other” on official documents, you have to fill it out.

78. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to fill prescription drug bottles with M&M’s or Mike and Ike’s.

79. None of the Scoundrels possesses a name that, when spoken aloud, can kill.

80. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to challenge anyone to a duel.

81. The proper response to a briefing is not “that’s what you think”.

82. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to end official reports with Sabaton lyrics. Or lyrics from any metal band, for that matter.

83. The phrase “to conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not to be said.

84. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to appeal to humanity’s baser instincts on recruitment posters.

85. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to N7’s Iron Eye Soldiers Space Marines janitors anyone as “the cool kids”.

86. None of the Scoundrels have “won the internet” and are not authorized to declare that they or any other individual or individuals have done so.

87. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use redacted data in official reports as “mad-libs”.

88. The following are not appropriate sources for new crew members:

Temp agencies

Reality show talent pools

“Orphans”

“Urchins”

“Ragmuffins”

“Those sons of bitches who I know had a stacked deck”

Ex-girlfriends

Ex-boyfriends

Ex-partners of any variation whatsoever

Forum trolls

“Angsty teens”

89. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sneak links to Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up into official reports.

90. None of the Scoundrels possess “voodoo powers”.

91. “Why not?” is not a valid excuse.

92. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make masturbation jokes when in the presence of official dignitaries.

93. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to play the song Thriller when in the presence of anything that could be considered a zombie, which includes but is not limited to Curse of Unbelief victims, Vrul Zombies, and Reaper Husks.

94. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say the phrase “elephant sauce”.

95. “No shirt, no shoes, no service” does not imply that undergarments are unnecessary.

96. The following words and phrases may not be used in marching cadence:

Budding sexuality

Necrophilia

I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead

Lubrication

Your mama

All Marines are latent homosexuals

Tantric yoga

Gotterdammerung

We’ve all got jackboots now

Any references to squid

97. You can’t have flashbacks to wars you weren’t in.

98. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis the world is going to end, more than once.

99. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to take or place bets on what would happen if the Tyranids fought the Flood.

100. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use the Enterprise’s transporters to steal things.

101. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use the phrase “We fight for Mother Russia!”

102. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sing the National Anthem of the Soviet Union when entering or exiting buildings.

103. Adam Vir is no longer allowed to claim that “PTSD is just spicy nostalgia.”

104. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to try and get kidnapped by the Dark Eldar.

105. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to try to figure out a way to bring back the Protheans and the Forerunners so they can fight each other.

106. Drax the Destroyer is no longer allowed to claim that he can become invisible just by standing still.

107. Please do not confuse the primarchs of the Turian Hierarchy with the Primarchs of the Imperium of Man.

108. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to Admiral Ackbar or any other member of the Mon Calamari race as “those calamari boys”.

109. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to address their superior officers as “bro”.

110. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to try and sell major political figures to Trazyn the Infinite.

111. Peter Quill is not a god.

112. Please refrain from using nicknames when referring to the Avengers, which includes but is not limited to calling Captain America “the spangly dude”, Thor “sparky guy”, Iron Man “my homie”, and Captain Marvel “Her”.

113. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Titans as personal valets.

114. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to contact the Shadow Realm.

115. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to to steal artifacts from any of the following:

Luke Skywalker

Shadow Revenant

The Collector

Trazyn the Infinite

General Marder

The Adeptus Mechanicus

116. Thomas Drake is not allowed to be near any weapon capable of producing an explosive force greater than ten megatonnes.

117. Do not ever challenge a Klingon to a duel.

118. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to flip off Force ghosts.

119. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use the phrase “It’s boogaloo time!”

120. The Scoundrels are to stop introducing A.I.’s to the teachings of the Cult Mechanicus.

121. The Scoundrels are to stop referring to Thomas Drake as “Our Glorious Overlord.”

122. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to send porn to the Shadow Broker. This is the ninth hit on you guys we’ve had to stop.

123. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to the crewmates or superiors of any of the other Scoundrels as “extremely hot”. Even if they are.

124. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say that they are “super gay for Loki”.

125. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to pit a biotic, psyker, and Force-sensitive against each other just to “see what happens”.

126. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use this list as a resume.

127. The Scoundrels shall not may not begin their sentences with “thou shalt not”.

128. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to send videos of “the sax guy” to the Borg.

129. Jack Cooper does not have “tons of gold” hidden somewhere on the destroyed planet of Typhon.

130. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell Jedi or Astra Telepathica recruits “You’re a wizard, Harry”.

131. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to stand in the corner and twiddle their thumbs.

132. “YOLO” is not a valid excuse for anything.

133. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use this list as a to-do list.

134. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to replicate the experiments of Edward Richtofen from Call of Duty Zombies. Or the experiments of any other insane fictional doctor.

135. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to throw themselves through windows “to prove that the glass is unbreakable” for any reason whatsoever.

136. “Because reasons” is not a viable excuse.

137. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to anyone else as “peasant” or “plebeian”.

138. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell new personnel fictional horror stories involving their families.

140. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to tell new personnel factual horror stories involving their families.

141. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to taunt eldritch beings imprisoned within artifacts.

142. Speedos are not part of formal attire.

143. If Ciaphas Cain is telling you a story about his exploits, he is exaggerating what he did, downplaying what he did, outrageously lying about what he did, and telling the complete truth about what he did all at the same time.

144. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to sell fictional stocks to the Tesraki or Ferengi.

145. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to defraud the stock exchange.

146. No religious deity is allowed to contradict orders from a superior officer.

147. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to dress up as each other.

148. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make pin-up calendars. Especially of each other.

149. Vulcan nerve pinches do not work on Chaos Space Marines.

150. Shepard and Agent Coulson are not allowed to form a “Technically Undead Club”.

151. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to unmask members of the Mandalorian extremist cult known as ‘The Watch’.

152. Unless you want to lose nine months pay in twenty minutes, do not play cards with Han Solo, Ciaphas Cain, John Shepard, or Thomas Drake.

153. At all times, you should try and stay away from Revenant, Loki, and Cypher.

154. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to re-create scenes from Pulp Fiction.

155. Do not fake heart attacks around Dr. Krill. The poor guy is stressed enough as is.

156. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to challenge Thomas Drake and Liara T’Soni to a “who knows more secrets” game. Lord Inquisitor Hector Rex was very displeased when Drake stole the Grimoire of True Names. (Note from Amberley Vail- How the hell did he manage to get his hands on that?)

157. Thomas Drake is no longer allowed to steal things from the Imperium of Man or the Jedi Order, considering the consequences of such artifacts being in the wrong hands. (Note from Thomas Drake- Of course. I would never…)

158. It is not a good idea to piss off any Scoundrel that considers themselves an information broker.

159. Introducing the Black Templars to heavy metal was, in retrospect, a bad idea.

160. Any ancient alien technology should be submitted to the proper authorities, not sold on Ebay.

161. Challenging a Klingon, Sangheili, or Drev to a duel is a horrible idea. As already mentioned. However, challenging a Custodian to a duel is suicidal.

162. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Tony Stark’s nicknames for anyone.

163. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use telepaths in casinos.

164. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to start “prank wars”.

165. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sell themselves or any part of themselves to Trazyn the Infinite.

166. Be warned. If you challenge any of the Scoundrels to do something sexual, they will most likely do it.

167. Do not challenge John-117 or John Shepard to a drinking game. They cannot get drunk. You will die of alcohol poisoning before they’re even a little tipsy.

168. While several of the Scoundrels are members of highly elite military forces, none of them are members of any of the following:

The Swiss Guard

The 101st Airborne Division

The Winged Hussars

The Immortals

Napoleon’s Imperial Guard

The SAS

The 62nd Red Army

Spetznaz

The CIA

The KGB

169. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to kidnap penguins.

170. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to mount bayonets on bayonets.

171. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hand over annoying journalists to the Borg.

172. Do not ever say the phrase “What’s the worst that could happen?”

173. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hold contests to see who can cause more of these rules to be created.

174. Adam Vir is to stop bringing new alien species onboard the Omen as pets.

175. The Scoundrels are surprisingly creative when it comes to revenge. Don’t piss them off.

176. Unless you are a Space Marine or Sister of Battle, “Deus Vult” is not a valid excuse.

177. If you need upgrades to your weapons and gear, please use the engineers on your team or other government approved individuals.

178. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to host their own version of the Hunger Games.

179. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to quote Monty Python.

180. No matter how good they are with technology, the Scoundrels are no longer allowed to get any members of the following species to upgrade their gear:

Protheans

Forerunners

Necrons

Eldar

Rakata

181. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to summon any of the following beings to the material universe or into space ruled by any of our governments:

The Nightbringer

Darth Nihilus

Lord Vitiate

The Old Ones

The Kwa

The Reapers

Deus

The Dominion

Any C’tan

Any individual or entity associated with the Ruinous Powers

Shadow Revenant

182. If you ask them to, most of the Scoundrels will, in fact, “draw you like one of their French girls”.

183. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to bring members of extremely logical-minded species to modern art museums.

184. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to seduce diplomats.

185. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to yell “Ramming speed!” when at the controls of their starships.

186. There is only one God-Emperor of Mankind, and none of the Scoundrels are it.

187. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use Batarian soldiers as target practice.

188. The Imperial Inquisition encourages the Scoundrels to use heretics as target practice.

189. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to initiate random fire drills.

190. Shepard is no longer allowed to lord his SPECTRE status over Alliance enlisted personnel or other “lesser beings”.

191. Adam Vir is not allowed to tell fictional horror stories about Operation Steel Eye.

192. Adam Vir is not allowed to tell factual horror stories about Operation Steel Eye.

193. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to say the phrase “We ride at dawn!”.

194. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to pool their resources to buy any starship over a kilometer long.

195. THE SCOUNDRELS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STEAL STAR DESTROYERS OR ANY OTHER STARSHIP OVER A KILOMETER IN LENGTH.

196. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to make clones of each other.

197. None of the Scoundrels have holidays named after them. (Addendum: Cain does, on the planet of Perelia.)

198. The Scoundrels are encouraged to stay away from the planet Perelia.

199. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to refer to their crew as “my glorious minions”.

200. John-117 is no longer allowed to attempt orbital reentry with nothing but his suit of armor.

201. Do not imply that Caiphas Cain and Amberley Vail are in a relationship, because, no matter how probable it may seem, Amberley will kill you.

202. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to sell toasters to the Adeptus Mechanicus.

203. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to hold “Casual Fridays”.

204. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to use jetpacks.

205. Don’t try to blackmail Drake. The last time someone tried to do this, it was with his sexual history. He laughed in their face and personally published the video on the internet. His public approval rating then went up 30%.

206. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to attempt to replicate the experiments of the Vault-Tech Corporation from the Fallout video game series.

207. The Scoundrels are no longer allowed to play Triumphal March whenever they enter or exit a room.

208. None of the Scoundrels are to be allowed anywhere near a lightsaber.

209. None of the Scoundrels are allowed or authorized to knight anyone.

210. None of the Scoundrels are allowed to edit this list.

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princeboop · 4 years

Text

A dnd campaign

the party encounters a village where the floor is smooth concrete and everyone is wearing heelys and no one is allowed to step on the concrete unless they obtain heelys and the only way to obtain heelys from the villagers themselves is to hand over your first born child that the villagers will feed to a guinea pig that actually just is very scared about a baby being in its pen that the baby just dies slowly of malnourishment and the Guinea pig has ptsd of the sight of it paired with the sound of heelies on concrete 24/7

#boop merps #idk man dont look at me #lkjhgfd my own post got blocked by me for having dnd in it what is wrong with mE

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fizzyhosh · 4 years

Text

tagged by @kabeswaters !!!! love u big time

1. on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? .... 3

2. describe yourself in a hashtag? #onedirectionstan

3. if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? gross Harry Styles

4. if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? get ready for disappointment but the good thing is one direction would be to my musical as abba is to mamma mia

5. what’s one thing people don’t know about you? i have strong ambitions but they are outweighed by executive dysfunction so lots of adults like teachers just think I'm lazy 🤪🥴

6. what’s your wake up ritual? currently it's get up at 2pm, look at discord, snapchat, and instagram, then eat some gosh darn food

7. what’s your go to bed ritual? this is so unhealthy I know grab a snack and a soda and scroll mindlessly on social media until I get tired, get up and brush my teeth, go back to my bed and put on my sleep playlist (called sleeby) and set a time so it stops playing after I fall asleep

8. what’s your favorite time of day? despite the fact that I get up in the afternoon, it's actually like 10am that's a goooood time

9. your go to for having a good laugh? I look up Niall Horan laugh complications it genuinely works every time

10. dream country to visit? Germany or Italy

11. what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? my 19th birthday my roommates had a surprise party for me and I was so shocked and almost cried bc it was so sweet and bc made me anxious

12. heels or flats/sneakers? I thought that said heelys :(( but sneakers

13. vintage or new? vintaaaage

14. who do you want to write your obituary? uh idk hopefully none of my current family bc I don't want to die before them cause that'll mean I die young??? this question is making me overthink so I'm just gonna say Ewan Gregor and move on

15. style icon? this chick named mathilda on Instagram you might have seen her on insta or Pinterest she's a redhead but her style is brilliant

16. what are three things you cannot live without? music, dr. pepper, eggos

17. what’s one ingredient you put in everything? I sound so white but SALT I salt the heck outta everything

18. what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? Steve Irwin, Harry Styles, Freddie Mercury

19. what’s your biggest fear in life? dying while I'm taking a shower and having my family find my naked, wet, dead body falling out of love. which makes me not want to fall IN love bc then the chance of falling OUT of love becomes a possibility

20. window or aisle seat? window window window window window

21. what’s your current tv obsession? not really obsessed with anything rn but I rewatch new girl every chance I get

22. favorite app? instagram

23. secret talent? I can wiggle my ears

24. most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? i flew to New Orleans during a break with two of my friends bc they found $60 round trip tickets. We bought the tickets the day before. We literally got to NOLA at 7am and left 8pm the next day. only spontaneous/adventurous thing i have ever done

25. how would you define yourself in three words? funny, understanding, quiet

26. favorite piece of clothing you own? my overalls :'))

27. a must have clothing item that everyone should have? a jean jacket !! looks good on anyone and with anything and they're so cute

28. a superpower you would want? to make people see themselves as their loved ones see them

29. what’s inspiring you in life right now? music I'm fixated on one direction and harry styles and louis tomlinson rn of you cant tell by a lot of my answers

30. best piece of advice you’ve received? don't apologize because you like something. don't be embarrassed that you have preferences

31. best advice you’d give your teenage self? be unapologetically you. life is too short to feel guilty for having opinions.

32. a book everyone should read? me and earl and the dying girl

33. what would you like to be remembered for? being kind to all

34. how do you define beauty? kindness, humor, a sweet soul makes a beautiful person

35. what do you love most about your body? I think I'm proportional? like... my size and shape... I hate how that sounds but my overall body ,,,,,,,

36. best way to take a rest/decompress? crack open and nice cold soda and put on headphones and lay on the ground (it makes me back feel better)

37. favorite place to view art? art galleries the environment and ambiance is immaculate

38. if your life was a song, what would the title be? Everything is Outta Reach cause I fail a lot but also I'm sHORT

39. if you could master one instrument, what would it be? pianoooo

40. if you had a tattoo, where would it be? I want my forearms to be filled with random little doodle tattoos I get over time (picture louis tomlinsons right arm, like the "oops!" and skateboard, and dumb things like that)

41 dolphins or koalas? KOALAS

42. what’s an animal that represents you? .....koala. also chameleon...

43. best gift you’ve ever received? so I need to be hugging a pillow or stuffed animals to sleep and I lost some stuffed animals that I loved and were huge and my go to for hugging at night and that Christmas my brother got me a huge elephant and a body pillow to replace them and I actually cried

44. best gift you’ve given? im really bad at giving gifts but my brother searches everywhere for this book in specific print and language and after years I found one and got it for him for Christmas. he's not good at showing appreciation and excitement but I could tell that he was stoked

45. what’s your favorite board game? BETRAYL AT THE HOUSE ON THE HILL it's so complicated and so good and I love it so much

46. what’s your favorite color? yellow and red

47. least favorite color? o r a n g e I just realized it's between red and yellow make it make sense

48. diamond or pearls? diamonds

49. drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore! I don't wear makeup often enough to spend money on designer but occasionally I get some good stuff from ulta then immediately regret it and go back to my Walgreens makeup HAHA

50. pilates or yoga? yoga

51. coffee or tea? I don't drink either but I like the aesthetic of tea more

52. what’s the weirdest word in the english language? pneumonoultrascopicsiliconvolcanoconoiosos because it's the longest word in the English dictionary and it's has a very specific definition and it's so extra when I was 7 i had a friend who could spell it forwards and backwards

53. dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk!! I only like dark chocolate if it's reisens

54. stairs or elevators? stairs I'm afraid of elevators

55. summer or winter? summer

56. you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? mac and cheese

57. a dessert you don’t like? uhhhh... umm... uh... anything with tree nuts cause I'm allergic??? I love dessert

58. a skill you’re working on mastering? I'm learning guitar !!

59. best thing to happen to you today? I woke up before 2pm

60. worst thing to happen to you today? my family all decided to a be in a bad mood today so that's super exciting to deal with :))))))

61. best compliment you’ve ever received? that I'm a really good listener

62. favorite smell? candles right after they're blown out and the air outside when it's cold. it has a smell. it DOES.

63. hugs or kisses? hugs

64. if you made a documentary, would it be about? the one direction boys' solo careers and eventual reunion when it happens

65. last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? if that includes music, louis tomlinsons album walls. but if not, ehm the martian that movie makes me cry don't come for me

66. lipstick or lipgloss? lipstick

67. sweet or savory? savory

68. girl crush? lily james

69. how do you know you’re in love? I've been trying to figure that out... I think it's when everything reminds you of them and you can completely be yourself around them and feel a sense of home and belonging.

70. a song you can listen to on repeat? greyhound by calpurnia or baby driver by simon and garfunkel

71. if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? h a r r y s t y l e s I have questions I need answered and I wanna hear unreleased HS and 1D music

72. what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? going back to school so I can be with my best friend slash future boyfriend

tagging: @lupinlongbottom @outerlacy @fortisfiliae @theseuscmander @wizardwritings

#not hp #about ash #ask ash

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kireihan · 4 years

Text

MC Headcanons [1]

Bernadette

Is actually really good at tolerating spicy food

Her room probably smells like pumpkin spice 99% of the time

Is good at the ukulele and is good at guitar

½ of the group babies

Wears doc martens do not @ me

Horizon

½ of the I-Can-And-Will-Kick-Your-Ass duo

Average grades

Most likely to join the debate team

Is a skater girl

Owns about 50 different pairs of vans

Has surprisingly neat handwriting

Top of the combat class (for humans)

Julia

Is stressed 24/7

Mistaken for the mom friend but is more like the vodka aunt

Knows everyone’s secrets and could blackmail at any time

Has the same influence over Mammon as Lucifer in a sense

Cares for approx. 2 people the rest can go to hell

Whoops they’re already there srry

Lia

½ of the I-Can-And-Will-Kick-Your-Ass duo

Pretty strong upper body but actually is kinda slow at running

Not exactly the most academically bright

Street Smart > Book smart

Drinks too much carbonated drinks

Seltzer? Soda? Champagne? Yes.

Hates the feeling of shaving cream

Reese

Probably has back problems from slouching

Touch starved oop

Will fight if he hears someone putting their body down

Is an idiot who speaks flowers

Once wore a leather jacket and a spiked collar and acted tough for a play only to get really embarrassed off stage

Mammon wishes he got a video

Drank vinegar and passed it off as water bc he didn’t want to embarrass himself lmfao

Sen

Drinks her body weight in coffee because she has to take care of all these fucking children

Had surgery on her arm and now has a titanium plate in there, as well as faint scars :((

Her cooking is RAD’s favorite and they begged her to open a food blog so guess she has one now

Probably caved at one point and makes short recipe tiktoks

Really good at tennis.

Why tennis? Bc sen playing tennis looked hot in my mind

Takes supplement gummies

Usako

The girl who has vodka in her water bottle instead of water

Super good at oil painting but cant do shit with water color

Wears heelies!!!! Heelying down the hallway!!!!!

Always has gum on hand

Her eyeliner skills rival Asmodeus’

0 pain tolerance and 0 spice tolerance lmfao

Doesn’t grow body hair and doesn’t sweat

Literally only becomes sticky if it’s bad

Yuyan

Like,, probably ready to die lmao

Is surprisingly good at brewing potions and knows a few simple spells

Owns a lot of products

Has a 3 step morning routine, 7 step night routine and 5 step body/shower routine.

On one of her self care days, she can have 15+ total steps from shower to finish

½ of group babies

Doesn’t grow body hair and has nice skin

But bruises easily-

Runs surprisingly fast

Has a surprising amount of stamina due to sports background

Played basketball, volleyball and knows how to dance

But like well,, can be scary when watching the boys’ dance practice

#Headcanons #Bulletlist #MC #Horizon #Lia #bernadette #Julia #Reese #Sen #Usako #Yuyan #Fluff

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finalequeerscanbecomposedclearly · 5 years

Text

Videos

sep 2018 to aug 2019

Month: September 2018 Number: 1 Content: Snapchat video, downloaded. Caption reads: "First Day of School". There are several filters. Conclusion: It is the first day of school.

Month: October 2018 Number: 0 Content: N/A Conclusion: There was nothing of note in October 2018 to record.

Month: November 2018 Number: 4 Content: 1) Snapchat video, downloaded. Caption reads: "First time voting [double pink heart emoji]". There are several voting stickers around my face. 2) It is a video of me looking up, sighing, then turning off the video. It is 6 seconds long. I have no idea what it is for. 3) A video of me speaking about the Fall of Icarus. 4) A video analyzing the painting, "Landscape with the Fall of Icarus" as well as an acompanying poem. Conclusion: I voted for the first time. I made a video for English class.

Month: December 2018 Number: 1 Content: A two minute video on the Fibonacci Sequence Conclusion: I made a presentation on the Fibonacci Sequence. I did not have any fun over winter break. (This part is curious to me--I know for a fact that we had a holiday party. Did I not take any videos? Curious.)

Month: January 2019 Number: 0 Content: N/A Conclusion: Nothing of importance happened in January.

Month: February 2019 Number: 0 Content: N/A Conclusion: Nothing happened in February worth recording.

Month: March 2019 Number: 3 Content: 1) We see Amele on heelies, wearing sunglasses. They roll down the hallway and nod at the camera, then promptly fall flat on their ass. Laughing ensues, and Zoriana is seen entering the shot and helping Amele up. 2) A shortened version of the original 19 second video, without Zoriana rolling in to aid Amele. 3) A downloaded snapchat video with the caption "March For Our Lives". Conclusion: I was friends with Amele and Zoriana. They both knew how to heelie. I took part in March For Our Lives. (These are very simplified statements--Amele and Zori were my BEST friends. Amele was learning to heelie and Zori was quite good. I also gave a five minute speech during the March For Our Lives event.)

Month: April 2019 Number: 2 Content: A pov video of someone holding a water gun. This one gives me rage to think about. (Context: ever heard of the game assassins? the entire senior class played. I went to murder Ben. Ben's parents emerged. I did not shoot Ben's parents. I'm not mean. They told me Ben had already left. In my despair, I called an Uber. I stood at the end of the driveway. Ben rolled out of the garage in a car. He rolled down his window to shoot at me. My gun was of longer range. He rolled up the window. He took a photo of me and claimed that he had shot me before I had shot him. Bullshit. He then went to school and told everyone that he had shot me. Bullshit. Everyone believed him and I was eliminated.) Conclusion: Ben C is an asshole. I fucking hate his white supremacist fucking ass. He sucks.

Month: May 2019 Number: 3 Content: 1) a shakey video of what looks like a math test. The video zooms in on words in pencil, which read "rip not conservative". There is green pen below the pencil that reads "it is!". The video then moves over to where it says "-3; conservative". The video shakes. 2) The video pans across the bottom of a painting that has not been painted yet, there is only pencil. It reads, "MOIRAIL". 3) A video of me, not smiling. I have a rather strange, elaborate hairdo. The camera moves around my head, like a satellite. Conclusion: Math. I love Amele. I'm not very good at fashionable hairstyles.

Month: June 2019 Number: 21 Content: 1-6) Prom videos of inside the limo. 7) Prom video inside of prom. 8) A 16 minute video of the graduating class of a middle school. 9-10) Videos of a video on a different computer--the original video shows a little girl playing the clarinet. This little girl is Izzy. 13) A Google Photos compilation video of graduation videos. 14-15) A video of the elementary school graduating class singing. 16) A video of me playing the piano on stage. 17) a video of rain. 18) a video of a video on a computer screen. The original video shows a young me talking. 19-21) Videos of Ian and I in Lurey caverns Conclusion: Prom, graduation, beginning of summer

Month: July 2019 Number: 40 Content: 1-2) A downloaded snapchat story about my cousins. 3-19) Harry Potter world. 20-22) Videos of Ian taking pictures with Spiderman. 23) Google Photos compilation video of Universal Studios. 24-33) Mostly Ian in Universal Studios. 34) A Google Photos compilation video of Harry Potter world. 35) A downloaded video off of the Harry Potter version of Pokemon Go. 36) A salamandar on the pavement. 37) A grinning Ian in a swimming pool. 38) A grinning Ian in a restaurat. He looks very awkward. Conclusion: I can't fucking count. I miscounted somewhere. Oh well. Also, we went to HP World.

Month: August 2019 Number: 27 Content: 1-3) Andy gets knocked into the pool by a giant beach ball. We reshot it 3 times to try and make it funnier. 4) Ian's summer camp kids are taking a photo. 5-11) Eagles Game. 12) A downloaded Snapchat story about the Eagles Game. 13) An extremely poorly done animatic to the tune of "Turn It Off," from the Book of Mormon. 14-17) Videos of Ian picking peaches at Highland Orchards. 18) A Google Photos compilation video of the Highland Orchards trip. 19-20) [Redacted] University's welcome speech. 21) A video of how to register for classes. 22) A light display. 23-24) A pan around my new dorm room. 25-27) The time Anais turned into a STINGRAY. 28) A long line to the Cornell Store. Conclusion: I can't count. Again. Also, I moved into [redacted] University.

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