#excited to see how bad the tumblr compression fucks this up

[a-memory-a-distant-echo]

i know that it's at partly just that i do not generally post when i ride, but fang duobing, bounciest boy on the screen at all times, posting incredibly dramatically, is very funny and charming to me. he really wakes up and is like 'fuck yeah, every day is leg day, work them thighs!'

like, sir. please. you're gonna die. how far are you riding. how can you possibly sustain that, you cannot, it is impossible. how will you walk when you get off that horse. your thighs will be of steel, by which i mean utterly incapable of moving.

[sparxwrites]

i'm slowly circling around hermitcraft (i keep telling myself i'm not going to get into another minecraft smp thing, i did my days in the yogscast mines) and it's so compelling. i won't lie. what would you, personally, suggest as a starting point for someone who hasn't watched any of these people before? even without knowing these characters, your hermitcraft fic is so good that i want to learn more about them

yeah see, i told myself that too and then dsmp and 3rd life and hermitcraft happened and. here i am. back in the pits again!! having the time of my life about it ngl.

so, okay, my first caveat would be: fandom does a lot of heavy lifting re: it having a plot. like... i'd say they're less plotty than the yogs were, with season 8 being an honourable exception. so don't go in expecting that my fic has uhhhhh. really any relation to canon lmao. (though to be fair, it didn't really in yogs either, so...)

first option: watch an episode of Hermitcraft Recap (a channel that does a weekly "what happened on hermitcraft this week" highlights video), see if any of the things mentioned take your fancy, and then check out the channel of the hermit that did it. this is good if you're hunting for someone doing a specific Thing in minecraft, rather than streamer personality.

second option: see the rec list below, and check out one of those people's season 8. season 8 is now over, but it was very short compared to regular seasons - so a lot of the excitement gets compressed and amped up, and it's a good way to really get an idea of what people are about. it will give you an unrealistic idea of how plotty hermitcraft gets, especially the end, because they went absolutely off the shits with that one, but it's a great season.

third option: see the rec list below, and jump straight into season 9 - either at the beginning of someone's series, or at the current point, or skip around through various people's things. we're like 20-ish eps in, depending on the person, but honestly it's pretty easy to dip in and out; we just had a big Plot Development with rendog getting crowned king of the server, so it's a good time to start! rec list (biased to the people i watch, obvs! the others are great too, but these are my faves), to help you decide who to pick:

Literally unhinged impossible redstone, constantly on his villain arc, (and tomato plants?): DocM77

Very good redstone, also extremely funny: TangoTek (also makes excellent noises), MumboJumbo (on break atm. i miss him :( ), Zedaph (he's doing. weird shit this season, but i support him in his quest to be a lunatic)

Incredible building, but also chaos-gremlin energy: BdoubleO100 (excellent noises pt.2), Grian (main character energy, tumblr's fave), PearlescentMoon (i am kissing her s9 base directly on the mouth)

Incredible building, really nice voice: GoodTimesWithScar (tumblr's other fave)

Building but also like. weirdly chill-but-horny vibes: Keralis (deliberately), Rendog (on accident)

Literally no idea but you should watch him: Joe Hills (very odd, currently hyperfixated on pinball machines, i find him very soothing for reasons that escape me, writes haikus for his episodes????)

fourth option: some of what you've seen from me will be from 3rd / last / double life, a bunch of semi-hardcore "death games" series run by grian and involving a bunch of hermits (plus some other friends, including inthelittlewood from the yogscast!). these are great, and i watched these before hermitcraft, and then based who i was watching in hc on what i'd seen there. double life is happening rn and we're only 3 eps in, so it'd be easy to catch up! it's basically a soulmate au but in minecraft, because grian is insane; i'm really enjoying BdoubleO100, PearlescentMoon, Tango, Rendog, and Grian (Scar is on a weird zookeeping arc, godbless, so he's in my bad books until he starts killing again. otherwise, the go-to rec is Grian or Scar's pov of 3rd Life, which sent me fucking insane.

[divine-motion]

don’t fucking interact if you ship t/cest and minor/adult ships

more shitty phone photos of sketchbook sketches for my tmnt fan incarnation/tmnt 2012 rewrite bc i have no shame and i’m having fun with it! pictures should have captions since i spent time writing them out, but tumblr might mess it up, so in case captions doesn’t work: 1. left to right: leo, donatello up, raphael down, michelangelo 2. Casey Jones up top, April O’Neil to the right, donatello in the middle and karai at the bottom 3. casey and don again, raphael to the left, mikey at the bottom just bc i liked how their their expressions turned out and didn’t want a bunch of negative space so don and case appear again 4. size chart featuring turtles. left to right: leo, don, mikey, raph 5. sketchy Slash design. big boy.

general thoughts character stuff below the Keep Reading. A Lot of rambling below so beware!!

April: 15 years old, trans and bi. local fifteen year old telepath finds out that not everyone is able to feel what other people are feeling, something she’s been able to do since she was six after she played in that one weirdly glowy puddle (early Kraang mutagen attempt that only managed to mutate April in the sense that it gave her telepathy, was originally intended to make humans become part of the Kraang hivemind). she’s largely unfazed by the existence of mutants and aliens, taking it in stride, and finds out about the Kraang - and meets the turtles - while snooping around TCRI business (aspiring journalist that she is) and accidentally witnessing the mutation of Snakeweed. her telepathy, which later as she grows in power alongside the turtles extends to telekinesis and basically possession, is very useful whenever she gets into a scrap since she can predict what moves her opponent will make, thus letting her dodge their blows effectively. personality wise she is a very determined and driven young girl, incredibly curious (and cannot mind her own business, she wants to know all the drama while not having to be part of it... which makes her very fortunate to be a telepath. listen she’s 15 she’s allowed to misuse her powers a little bit. as a treat.), playful, and cheerful, and she’s an extroverted autistic. in her spare time between her studies, she likes to play bass, sing, read, and write. that, and investigating whatever shady business is going on in town, and she makes it very clear to the turtles that even if they weren’t going to deal with the Kraang, she’d continue to try to stop them herself. she would like to not live under the threat of her or her loved ones getting mutated, thank you very much! and, you know, it’s kind of exciting. kind of.

i know it’s bc i have brain issues when it comes to parent figures but i am very much leaning towards Splinter not being... a good dad. i don’t think 2012 Splinter is a good dad anyways but i’d probably amp it up, make him a mix of 2012 and idw probably. i’m still mulling it over but like, remember in the season 1 finale when leo is watching his show and thinks the captain guy making a totally unnecessary sacrifice is a heroic move, and then Splinter tells leo (his fifteen year old child) that leo should know what or who to sacrifice, more or less telling him to sacrifice his brothers’ lives, potentially?? i know there was a lot at stake but hello??? i remember watching it and being like me: ah i see, this is showing that splinter is wrong and there is no need for any sacrifices as seen in the show when the captain Goes Down With His Ship for no reason other than just sacrificing himself, and leo will see that- leo: *tries to sacrifice himself twice in the finale, both times being kind of unnecessary/seemed like if he had just hurried or done something slightly different there would be no need to stay behind, and he gets out fine with no consequences, seemingly no injuries, and does Not learn anything, his brothers don’t even get sad when they think he died or get mad at him for pulling such a dumb move) me: surprised_pikachu.jpeg

like that moment haunts me. has any other splinter told their sons to sacrifice himself or his brothers? has any other splinter put that on them??? idw doesn’t count if he has bc he’s more explicitly supposed to be bad so???

sometimes writers think they’ve made an uncle iroh but they really, really, really haven’t. also his backstory is the same as in the show

anyways. Donatello: 15 years old, bog turtle, nonbinary (he/they, doesn’t mind being called brother but doesn’t like to be called “boy” or “girl” or whatever), bi. he isn’t in love with April. no creepy incel shit here. donnie is instead more like a mix between his Rise and 2003 self. he has trouble expressing himself and is pretty introverted, but he is very altruistic, kind, and compassionate. a lot of his inventions are made to help people and he was driven to learn about science and engineering because he wants to find a way to reverse splinter’s mutation, to give splinter his life and humanity back. he feels like he needs to know if splinter would just abandon them if he wasn’t a huge rat man, needs to know if there’s any part of splinter that blames them for being constant reminders of his mutation. other than that, he also likes to make inventions because he’s a dreamer and wants to experiment to see how much of the unknown he can push beyond. also, the best liar out of the turtles. also fairly good at compromising and prefers to solve conflicts without violence he can get a little... “obnoxious 15 year old genius” at times. even when he’s helpful it can come off as a bit “poor dear isn’t as smart as me”, and while he usually gets along well with Raph, he doesn’t handle Raph’s temper well at all (calls him “Wrathael/Wrath” and thinks he’s being super clever) and gets really dismissive of Raph’s “outbursts”.

Michelangelo: 13 years old, diamondback terrapin, unsure about the gender and sexuality thing but he doesn’t think he’s exactly cis and definitely not straight. a bouncy ball of sunshine and surprising emotional maturity and emotional intelligence! more so than his emotionally constipated brothers, at least. it’s on his thirteenth birthday (it was leo’s idea for them to pick dates that would let them have their own birthdays instead of sharing the “Mutation Day”, Mutation Day being another special “holiday”) that the Plot would be set in motion, as he’s finally allowed to go to the surface same as his brothers, and on this first night out they meet April and the Kraang and other mutants. he is a goof still, but he’s capable in his own right and gets frustrated when people treat him like a baby or an idiot because he’s not. he doesn’t always treat everything with the seriousness it should but like. he’s thirteen, he’s having fun. even so, he’s very insistent of taking responsibility whenever he does do something wrong and gets mad if someone tries to take the blame for something he’s done. definitely the most compassionate and empathetic out of the turtles, he’s quick to make friends and is very persuasive due to his earnest nature and good heart. much like donnie, he prefers to solve conflict without violence but does enjoy knocking skulls a lot more than donnie. unlike donnie, though, he is almost overly forgiving and not petty at all. he’s well aware that his kindness and forgiveness may be taken advantage of, but he still likes to approach people with an open hand, even if he knows that it may end up getting bitten. oh, and his hobbies include drawing, cooking, singing, and dancing. he likes to express himself!

Raphael: 14 years old, mississippi map turtle, trans, bi. all his fury is compressed within his tiny body, that’s why he’s so angry all the time! no, he’s not angry all the time, but he does have a short fuse. he absolutely hates his anger issues which leads to a lot of self-loathing, and a lot of frustration as his family members either don’t take his anger seriously or don’t have the tools to help him with it. he’s the physically strongest out of the bunch and the least agile. he loves animals and plants a lot and keeps a lot of flowers in his room, hoping that he can one day become a gardener. as his idw self, he wants to watch things grow, but no matter what he does he seems to be best at destroying things. he’s also the one most self-conscious about how the human world perceives them, as he greatly fears rejection, and is the first one to see something positive with people getting mutated - namely, that maybe this way mutants will be more well known and finally accepted by society, so he’ll no longer be trapped in the sewer until the end of his days. so yeah, he’s a huge optimist, in truth. also he’s great at knitting - great at creating and taking care of things in general - and there’s no leo and raph rivalry this time around. he can get mad at leo but not really more than he gets with his other brothers.

Casey: 15 years old, nonbinary (they/them), bi. teen vigilante who gets inspired to fight mutants and the big time criminals (no beating up pickpockets or shoplifters or whatever, just the ones that are really hurting people) and gets roped into the turtle fam after meeting raph and becoming unexpected friends (everyone was expecting it, once Casey realized that mutants are people and not weird monsters. well, not all the time, anyways). they struggle a bit in school not because of a lack of trying but a lack of time, as their parents work full time jobs and someone has to take care of casey’s little sister. their parents are very loving, but they only have so much time, so casey takes it upon themselves to take care of their little sister when their parents are busy and/or burned out from work. that, and they run into the classic dilemma of vigilante work clashing with school work. as always, they have a short fuse, they’re pretty cocky, they like beating ass, and they like hockey a whole lot. hockey, vigilante work, school, and taking care of their little sister... yeah, they have a lot on their plate. oh, and making their little inventions like the taser glove and their puck bombs, something that they bond with donnie over.

Leonardo: 17 years old, Central American wood turtle, trans, gay. he doesn’t fall in love with his sister oh my god. ahem. so, leo is raised from the start to be a Leader and has to mature very quickly, learning to be an adult way earlier than he should’ve, and as such he is very stoic and quiet, and doesn’t seem to have any hobbies, instead just doing chores and training almost constantly, and when he’s not doing that he’s reading or sleeping in his free time. he’s incredibly protective of his younger brothers and his other allies/friends, even if he acts distant and detached most of the time, and removes himself from situations where they’re having fun to not be the stick in the mud. he loves his brothers and admires them greatly, believing they could be So Much if the surface world would just accept them, and as a result he tries to be The Soldier so his brothers won’t have to. alas, they still get caught up in the Kraang and Shredder business, which frustrates him internally. he is the best fighter out of the turtles on account of having more years to train (and convincing Splinter to wait a few more years before they got Real training bc Come On Dude They’re Kids) but it’s the Only thing he’s good at, along with stealth and his sharp eyes. he absolutely sucks at talking when it isn’t about a mission or something he can script easily in his head. in his mind, he’s supposed to be more of a weapon than a person, an idea that isn’t exactly encouraged by Splinter... but not exactly discouraged either. his arc would be very paralleled with Karai’s, as they would both learn to hate their dads... also, absolutely down for murder, and a lawful neutral at best, putting his family and friends’ safety above all other things and following a strict personal code. doesn’t care too much for society’s laws, though.

Karai: 16 years old, demigirl, lesbian. same backstory as in the show, she’s born as Miwa but gets taken by Oroku Saki and raised as his daughter. however, she doesn’t exactly want revenge against Hamato Yoshi because she believes that he killed her mother. she never knew her mother, so it’s much more difficult to hate someone for taking her mother away, even if it does mean that she never got to know her mother. especially since her father rarely spoke of what her mother was like, and much more about how much he hates Yoshi. instead, her need for revenge is more for the possibly idyllic life she was robbed of, since she believes that maybe, just maybe, her father Saki would’ve been a kind father that would’ve let her have a normal childhood and not be molded into a warrior from the start if her mother still lived. and hey, maybe Tang Shen would be a nice mom too. being trained in the art of deception, Karai has a tendency to talk a lot and say very little, or at least very little that is true. she is rarely ever sincere and acts as if she’s taking nothing seriously, which is part of her defense mechanism to never let anyone close or see her true self. she mocks pretty much everyone, ally and enemy alike, but especially likes to make fun of her father’s henchmen and is always the first to point out their failures. while she does value honor to some extent, she is a bit “flimsy” when it comes to loyalty, especially after the truth about her father is revealed. when that is revealed, she at first just feels very numb, learning that not only has she been nothing but a tool and a weapon for the Shredder from the very start, but also that the idyllic fantasy where her mother still lived, perhaps her life wouldn’t be so different after all. she looks at leonardo and sees a reflection of herself, that her “real” father chose to train his sons the same way the Shredder trained her. she feels stupid for feeling like she’s been robbed of even a fantasy, but it still enrages her. of course, this also inspires her to stay with the Foot Clan... just to get the kill on Shredder.

... yeah. that got long. ahem. i’m very passionate about this unfortunately!! anyways i might draw/write more for it because no one can stop me and i’m having fun

[iamthelostsundrop]

Apologize

ALRIGHT FUCKERS IM GONNA WARN YOU RIGHT HERE THIS PROBABLY WILL BE TRIGGERING TO SOME!!! Avoid if you are triggered by anything related o Abusive Relationships, Abuse, Trauma involving being harmed by someone else, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence or ANYTHING RELATED YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!! THIS DOES NOT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING

This was a cola with my very best friend who does not have a tumblr, we will call her Lady Of Slytherin. Thank you Lady Sly for helping me relate this twisted masterpiece.

Dabi X Reader 2400+ words enjoy our filth

🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥☄️🔥

You’d been through so much together. Every time he fucked up, you gave him another chance. You fell for the puppy dog eyes. Those blue eyes that you got lost in every time. You couldn’t say no to him. But this time, Dabi had gone too far, and you didn’t think you could come back from this.

You met him at a bar of all places. A skeevy bar your best friend Himiko convinced you was the best place to meet guys after your last break up.

“I promise, (Y/N), this place is awesome and I promise you’ll find someone.”

You rolled your eyes at her but continued to let yourself be dragged towards the alleyway and the sign lighting up the dark with neon letters that spelled BAR. “Yeah. Right”

The place was creepy to say the least; no more than five people in the whole place. Of course this would be the place your friend dragged you to. She was always finding these backwoods, out of the way places to go.

You instantly went up to the bartender and ordered a strong drink. You sensed you were going to need it. Toga was already off in the corner talking to some guy with blue hair whose face you couldn’t see. He seemed agitated and kept gesturing back to you. You hurried your head in your drink and quickly ordered another. You weren’t getting a very good feeling, but you still took the moment to look around at the other patrons. There was Himiko and the blue haired young man in the corner. A tall man in a top hat and tailcoat like he was going to perform at the circus later. One man seemed to have some sort of animal like quirk, his body resembled a lizard. The bartender himself seemed to be made of blue black swirling mist. Finally the last patron was a young man, about your age, with patchwork skin. You looked over at him with interest, he was cute for sure. Maybe this bar wasn’t such a bad idea.

Toga skipped back over to you with a mixed look on her face. “So. I may have gotten into a little trouble for bringing you here but that’s okay. Boss said you could stay since you’re quirkless.”

You gave her a perturbed look, but before you could speak she grabbed your arm and dragged you to each bar patron and introduced you. They all seemed friendly enough, Spinner and Mr. Compress anyway. Tomura didn’t seem too excited about you being there, like you’d intruded on some secret boys club. He kept his face hidden from you, but you didn’t mind so much. You were a guest in their bar, you’d be respectful of their wishes. Toga had explained this was the meeting place of their secret club. You were fine with that. When she pulled you back to the bar, you noticed the handsome man again. “Whose that?”

Toga looked over to the man and rolled her eyes. “That’s Dabi. Tall, dark and brooding.” A dark and excited look passed her face “Just your type” Before you could speak, she had you by the arm and dragged you over to him. “Dabi. Meet my very bestest friend ever, (Y/N)” she said, unceremoniously pushing you into the chair next to him.

You stared daggers into your best friend, who of course ignored you. “Sorry. Toga is a bit much” The young man gave you a curt smirk, looking you up and down with those piercing turquoise eyes. “Don’t, worry about it. I’m used to her brand of fun. Nice to meet you.” He gave you a dashing smile, and you melted. “Kuroguri, why don’t you get the lady another drink”

From that moment on, Dabi had you eating out of the palm of his hand. You became a regular at the bar the League inhabited. They all knew you by name, and even Shiggy got used to you being around. Once he and the others knew you wouldn’t turn them in to the heroes they all relaxed a little bit.

Toga was over the moon when you started hanging around more, and she teased you endlessly after that first night when you let Dabi escort you home. “I know you would like him! I am the best matchmaker in the whole world.”

You didn’t want to admit it, but she was right. You and Dabi got along swimmingly, which you would have never expected given his bad boy persona. You had always been the goody goody girl. Straight A’s, Perfect attendance, all of that. That changed when you started seeing him. He'd show up at your window while you were getting ready for class, comment on your schoolgirl skirt and inevitably sweet talk you into bed and convince you to spend the day with him. When he couldn’t convince you, you spent your day in class daydreaming about the night before. You spent all of your free time at the bar with the league. You’d even gone so far as to help them out with menial tasks such as fetching specific things they needed for their plans Ana’s even doing a little bit of spying on the UA kids.

You tried your best to please him and keep Dabi happy, but it wasn’t always easy. He was moody sometimes and you didn’t do what he wanted quick enough and he got annoyed and cranky. If he was having a particularly bad day, he’d take it out on you. Depending on how bad it was, he would yell, push you around, squeeze your arm or wrist so hard that you bruised or got a sprain. It always seemed worse whenever you were watching TV together and Endeavor appeared. A severely sprained and bruised wrist taught you very quickly not to ask Dabi why the sight of the No. 2 hero made him so mad and you never brought up the man around him either.

Despite all this, Dabi had never seriously hurt you. After every incident, he had always apologized and it led to fantastic makeup sex. You didn’t mind, you loved him. He made you feel so very much alive. He made you feel like the most beautiful creature on earth whenever he’d talk to you in that sweet little way that he only reserved for you, kiss you until your knees buckled in bliss. You would do anything for him, set the whole world on fire and bring him Endevor’s head to see that smile that Dabi would give only you; you weren’t stupid enough to take on the flaming bastard, you knew very well that it would end badly for you and lead the heroes back to the League. Even if you were caught and tortured, you’d never betray the man you loved and your new friends.

But then came that day that changed everything forever. It had been an honest mistake. Just because you were helping the League, didn’t mean you were completely heartless. So when you saw a man in a wheelchair at the nearby market struggling to reach some things, you immediately went over to help. He was very good looking, but had nothing on Dabi of course. This guy had the wholesome good guy act going on, so it wasn’t a turn on for you

He thanked you profusely, looking rather sheepish over the fact that he needed help with doing some basic tasks. He admitted that while the accident that put him in the wheelchair had happened some time ago, he was still trying to adjust to doing things differently.

You smiled, amused by his bashful expression and offered to help him around the store. He agreed and you two were off. As you helped him shop, you learned he had a brother in high school and you could hear the pride in his voice as he talked about his little brother taking up the family mantle. It made you wish your own family had talked about you that way. Once finished, you helped him secure his bags and walked him out of the store, bidding him farewell as he wheeled away.

But little did you know that someone had seen the entire interaction as teal eyes ablaze with fury watched you from the alley as you walked towards the bar. After everything he had done for you, after sticking up for you, after convincing the others to let you stay, after all the love he had given you, this was how you repaid him? Forget about the League punishing you for this serious transgression, he’d punish you himself and he’d make sure you wouldn’t forget it.

He hit you when you least expected it. You had said goodbye to the man in the chair and made your way to the bar, taking a shortcut you knew would get you to your boyfriend quicker when you were hit from behind, hard. You were knocked off your feet and you skidded on the unforgiving ground a few feet away from where you’d been standing. Head pounding, you turned to see your attacker, surprise in your eyes slowly turning to terror. You’d never seen Dabi this angry before. His eyes seemed to glow with fury.

“Babe, what-“ He cut you off with a blow of cold fire directly to your left, destroying a trash bin.

“Don’t you babe me you treacherous slut” he seethed as he walked closer to you.

You scooted away from him, purse forgotten on the ground. You were so confused. What was he talking about?

“You think you can just go around flirting with heroes whenever you want?”

What? Flirting? Wait.

“You mean me helping that man back there? He was in a wheelchair and he was struggling with his things. I’m not a hero but I’m not heartless, Dabi. I wasn’t going to stand by and wat-“ The ground next to you exploded in blue flames as he cut you off again.

“You’re not listening here babe,” The patchwork villain kneeled down and put his face next to yours and a tight hand on your upper arm. “You’re my girl. That means,” the cold heat creeped up to your shoulder and down to your fingertips as he ignited your arm. Before you could scream, his free hand covered your mouth. “That you’re mine. You do as I say. You go where I tell you to go. You talk to who I say you can talk to. No one else. Listen babe. You don't have friends anymore. Just me. You’d have nothing without me. I took such good care of you, loved you when no one else would. And then you go and throw it all back in my face by acting like a worthless whore for some paralyzed ex hero who probably can’t even get it up anymore. Got anything to say in your defense, fucking whore?”

You were speechless. What the hell was he talking about? You stumbled over your words before you finally said something.

“I’m sorry. I didn't know. I thought I was being nice. It won't happen again. I promise!” Tears were pouring down your face as you silently begged for him to let you go, to turn back into the man you knew and loved, not this terrifying stranger before you.

“You’re damn fucking right it won’t happen again, bitch. Because I’m going to give you a little reminder of just who you belong to, one you won’t ever forget. Then no one but me will ever want you!” An evil grin overtook his face, distorting his face, the flames making him look like a demon from hell sent to torment you.

Searing pain laced through your arm as the scent of burning flesh filled the air, the sound of sizzling flesh was drowned out by your blood curdling screams of agony. You writhed and wordlessly begged for release, but Dabi refused to let go, squeezing his hand even tighter until you felt your arm snap and the flames delve deeper than your skin, searing the muscle and tissues beneath.

When he finally let go, you fell back against the ground, hardly registering anything else but the overwhelming pain that flared with every breath she took. She dared to look at her arm and what she saw made her nearly vomit. Her arm had been burnt nearly black, blistering blood oozed from the handprint on her arm. He had branded her, like she was some sort of cattle. If infection didn’t kill her first, she’d possibly have to remove her arm, as he had basically reduced part of her arm to nothing more than a charred piece of meat. She couldn’t even feel anything below her arm anymore. She stared up at him in disbelief through her tears. This wasn’t her Dabi, she didn’t know this animal that had hurt her so badly. She let out a broken sob, attempting to scramble away.

That one pitiful sound seemed to snap Dabi from his fit of madness as he stared down at you with wide eyes. He saw what he had done and felt sick. He had always sworn to never be like Endeavor and yet, he was no better than the flaming bastard. He reached a hand towards you, trying to pull you into his arms. “Y/n… I’m so sorry… I… I didn’t mean it… I didn’t mean to hurt you like that…. Come on, we’ll go inside and get you fixed up, everything will be alright. I’m so sorry… I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

You stared at him in a haze of pain. Forgive him? Did he honestly think that you were going to forgive him for this? He burned your fucking arm! You’d probably have to get your arm amputated if you even wanted to survive this. He swore to you so many times that he would never hurt you again. You should leave, get as far away as humanly possible. But… As you stared into his remorseful and terrified face, you began to doubt yourself. Could you really leave him now? Now after everything he had done for you? He loved you right? You loved him still, it was just an accident. Unable to speak, you merely nodded, giving him your silent forgiveness. You whimpered in pain as Dabi carefully scooped you up and carried you back to the bar. The pain was worth it, he was worth it.

Why? Because you loved him.

[newhologram]

So my friend is taking a lot of heat because something they said was misunderstood and in true tumblr fashion, assumed to be coming from someone who is Not One of Us and therefore evil and of course no one on this site is mature enough to toss aside their ego for a moment to actually speak to them like a person rather than a concept to be mad at. Tumblr strips people of actually being people in the name of performative anger and it’s really messed up and often it’s THEIR OWN who end up hurt. How many times have we seen autistic and other disabled people dogpiled on and called neurotypical, and then still ignored when they say, “um? I’m disabled though?” because no one is mature enough to say, “oh shit, I shouldn’t have assumed. I’m sorry.”

It pisses me off and hurts a lot for a lot of reasons. Mostly being that friend is a good person who had genuinely meant no harm and who has given sincere apologies and explanations and is still being treated like shit with zero compassion or actual rational thought whatsoever from the people who are angry, because this is tumblr where we love to twist people’s words and actions to make them out to be Oppressors so that we can be mad and feel better about ourselves. Like how I’m constantly accused of icky intentions because I am white passing multiracial who also lives multiculturally as a Japanese language student practicing Ayurveda, or when I was cast in The Book of Life music video and put in Dia de los Muertos makeup. Anything I do is immediately judged by the fact that I got my dad’s skin and eye color. 

But right now, I’m just thinking, like. I’ve always had a hard time being understood. I got in trouble, yelled at, lectured, and scolded a lot growing up because I would say something and my meaning or emotion would be misunderstood. And even if I tried to explain what I meant, or that I hadn’t meant it in an angry way, or that I had been kidding, people would refuse to believe me, and just keep scolding me and talking down to me like I needed to be Educated. I would have meltdowns out of frustration when they did this to me. I would cry and cry and cry and cry, inconsolably, because why wouldn’t they believe me that it wasn’t what I meant? Why did no one listen? To this day people always still think I’m angry when I’m not. It still upsets me so much to be constantly misunderstood (and to have trouble understanding other people), and to be made out as a bad guy or mocked for it. If I ask for clarification at an audition, I sometimes get mocked by casting directors when I’m just trying to make sure my timing and action is right. A few months ago a customer said, “what is WRONG with you?” because I couldn’t understand what the hell he was trying to ask about our 10% off coupons. 

One time around maybe age 10 I joked that my friend “only picks on me because I’m small!” and she and her mother took it very seriously. They both turned on me and went on and on about how “she would never do that, why would you think that” and I kept trying to explain that I was only joking because we had such a size difference, like. I was being silly. It was a joke. I had a crying meltdown right there in the car because they they didn’t believe me and didn’t listen and kept lecturing me about making accusations like that. Things like this happened all throughout my childhood. 

I feel like a Martian, I feel so disconnected from other people, so I kept to myself a lot and I still do in a way, because interacting with can people frustrate me to tears but I’m an adult now and all my jobs whether acting, retail, or restaurant, involve talking to people a lot and having to do a good job pleasing them. I have to ask for clarification constantly because I never understand things and so I often look very stupid. 

I know it has something to do with the way that I speak, I have trouble conveying the right emotion so people always think I’m mad when I’m not. I get excited and say things that are then taken the wrong way. But also I found out a few months ago that I grew up with a compressed brain stem/vertebral arteries and it’s possible that this is either the cause of, or part of, and ultimately proof of me having lived with developmental delays/disabilities all my life. That’s a whole other thing and it’s still something I’m trying to come to terms with.

And so seeing this happening to my friend, them being excited and saying something that was then taken wrong, and being harassed about it and called an awful person because literally no one is listening to their explanation or even asking, “what did you actually mean?” is upsetting because I know how it feels and it’s quite frankly triggering. I don’t use this word a lot. I don’t like the way tumblr weaponizes it. I’m using it right now in the context of how being misunderstood mostly because I’m disabled caused so much stress that it is part of my larger complex PTSD and can actually cause me to go into panic rage mode because it immediately puts me on the defensive for someone to accuse me of meaning something I didn’t mean, and then not listen to me when I explain. It can make me see RED and make me feel hatred for myself because it still feels like something is wrong with ME, it’s ME that’s the problem, it’s ME that’s the broken robot, it’s MY fault I’m never understood, it’s MY fault people never listen, because I’m THAT fucking stupid. 

People can sometimes say things without thinking about a way it might be taken, but that doesn’t make them bad people. 

If you refuse to at the very least listen to them when they clarify meaning that was not conveyed and you say “NOPE, it doesn’t matter what you actually meant, or that you’re actually under the same identity/oppression umbrella as me, the thing you said would be gross if said by an oppressor and therefore you are gross and deserve zero respect!” then you’re being quite cruel to a real person for no reason other than your ego. And that is shameful.