#exploding emotions

[megalony]

Exploding Emotions- Part 2

After getting a lovely request and so much feedback, I managed to do a follow up for this Evan Buckley imagine, I hope you will all like it, please let me know what you think.

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Evan Buckley Masterlist

Part 1

Summary: While out on a call, an accident gives (Y/n) flashbacks to the night her husband got trapped beneath the fire truck and what happened to her while he was stuck.

Enjoy.

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"Mr Buckley, please-"

"Off! Off, get off!"

When a blunder of 'fuck off' and 'leave me the fuck alone' spluttered past Evan's bloodied lips, everyone in the room was surprised. He had been stuttering through the simplest of words since they got him in the ambulance, but now he was riled up he wasn't quieting down. And his expletives had been loud and clear.

His arms thrashed at his sides and he fought off the hands trying to push him back down on the gurney.

All the team looked at one another, unsure what to do. They needed him off the gurney and onto the bed, but Evan wasn't making any of this easy. The more Evan thrashed around, the harder he would make it on his leg and the more pain he was going to give himself. Not to mention moving and disrupting his leg could cause damage to the split blood vessels and torn muscles and the bone that was splintered in multiple places.

"Let us get him on the bed." Bobby waved his hand towards Hen and Eddie while Chimney stood in the doorway with Maddie clinging to his arm.

It was going to be easier if the team transferred him onto the bed in the middle of the room. They weren't leaving until Evan was safely in an operating room and right now, he was in the trauma unit in the ER. He was getting a portable X-ray, his leg would be assessed and they would see what kind of surgery he needed and get him on monitors and most importantly, medication.

Hen and Eddie busied themselves carefully twisting Evan onto his right side so they could place a slip sheet beneath him but once he was rolled onto his back again, his hands were moving. He smacked Eddie in the shoulder with a surprising amount of force before he fisted Bobby's shirt in his hands.

"(Y/n). (Y/n)."

"Okay, let's sort you out first, kid, okay?" Bobby held his arms while Eddie and Hen pulled the sheet on the count of three.

Evan screamed. His voice crumbled and the sound pierced through the air when he was jostled onto the trauma bed and the gurney was shunned out of the way.

"I m-missed it." Evan's words came out as a whisper that no one else seemed to hear. His eyes rolled from left to right and briefly tilted to look at the back of his head. He couldn't get his thoughts in order, he could barely see and he felt like he was on a boat, rocking over tumulous waves in the ocean. Everything fizzled out for a few seconds.

All he knew was he had missed one of the most important moments of his life.

His girl was already here. She was already in the world and Evan hadn't set his sights on her yet. He hadn't held her in his arms, he hadn't kissed her or introduced himself. He hadn't promised her the world and told her how much he loved her and everything he would do for her to give her the best life and make sure she was loved every day of her life.

He didn't hold her when she was born, he didn't cut the cord or hear her first little cry. He wasn't one of the first things she saw when she opened her eyes. His daughter had probably been held by ten other people by now, all of them except for him. Nurses, midwives, (Y/n), Maddie. His sister had seen his daughter before him.

How was this right? How was any of this fair?

His senses came back to him in one big hit like the truck had collapsed on him all over again when someone tried to touch his leg. His left leg, the one that wasn't currently split open, automatically jerked and twitched from the pain that radiated throughout his whole nervous system that had been shot to pieces by now.

He did his best to sit up. He didn't want to be laid down because it was making him feel woozy and sick.

He felt a bit better when someone angled the bed up so he was at an angle. He was barely sitting upright and still felt mostly laid down, but it was better than nothing.

His upper lip curled and he huffed when someone started undoing the buttons on his shirt. What were they doing? Why were they stripping him down? His trouser leg had already been cut off near the bottom of his boxers to expose the full extent of his injuries. He gruffed and groaned when he was leant forward and his shirt was pulled off him completely.

But when cold stickers attached to his chest and wires clipped in place, he started to get uncomfy. The ECG machine beeped to life, showing his erratic heartbeat that was far too fast for his own good. And when a blood pressure cuff was slid onto his arm, Evan reeled his arms to his chest and closed his eyes.

The numbers were too high. He was getting more and more unsettled and he was going to crash if this carried on.

He barely felt the lady tapping the back of his hand and inserting a cannula into his vein.

"(Y/n)! I want- I want-" Evan paused for a moment when someone held his arm. Their touch was gentle, their hands soft and their presence so close that his pleading came to an abrupt stop.

He twisted to the left to see who it was, to see if it was his wife like he was been praying for.

It wasn't.

"…blood thinners now, and get a dose of morphine ready. Get the leg in place for a quick X-ray, and I want the anaesthesiologist in here now."

Most of the doctor's words reached Evan's ears, but he was more focused on dragging his arm away from the nurse at his side. He didn't want her help. He wanted (Y/n). He wanted his wife. He needed his daughter. He hadn't seen her yet, were they going to be cruel enough to make Evan wait to see his daughter? Was nine months not long enough?

A bubbling scream erupted from his lips and his body writhed when his right leg was moved. Their touch was tender and slow but Evan felt like his leg was hanging on by a single thread that was about to snap. He didn't like the foam blocks placed on either side of his leg to get a clear X-ray. He didn't like them moving the wires and straps around his fragmented skin to make the shot clearer.

And he hated the small, portable X-ray that was wheeled over his leg and felt like half of his body was stuck in a tanning machine.

All the surrounding bodies stepped back so pictures could be taken and every time his leg was adjusted, his split knuckles bashed into the bedframe and he screamed.

Maybe it would be better if they just chopped the leg off. He wouldn't be in agony if they simply knocked him out and took it off. He wouldn't have this pain, this suffering, this agonising wait.

All he cared about was seeing his girls, his leg be damned.

"I want my wife!" Blood and spit foamed past his lips and acidic tears stained his already bloodshot cheeks as his chest started to shudder up and down against the bed.

He moved his trembling hands to the ECG wires that felt like they had been superglued to his chest. He ripped them off without a second thought and tried to throw them away. He snagged the cannula from his wrist, not caring that even more blood was leaving his body and was going to drain him dry. He had to find his girls, wherever they were. They were too far away from him.

"Mr Buckley calm down. You need to let us help you."

"Buck no don't do that. Stop it!" There was an odd sense of authority in Hen's voice but it fell upon deaf ears.

"I want m-my wife!" His words screamed through the air and had everyone wincing and jerking away from him.

But when one of the doctors grabbed Evan's wrist and shoulder and tried to pin him to the bed, all Hell broke loose. A deafening roar left Evan's lips, his body jerked up from the bed and he thrust his arm up as harsh as he could until his elbow smashed into the doctor's nose.

The doctor stumbled back, knocking into the ECG machine before Eddie grabbed him, saving him from a harsh landing on the floor. Both his hands moved to cradle his nose that was splurting out blood and had officially been broken.

He ripped himself out of Eddie's steadying hands and stumbled to the back of the room. He couldn't help anymore. He coughed into his hands, anger and resentment in his eyes before he looked around the room.

"Someone get his damn wife in here before he kills the anaesthesiologist." With a shake of his head, the doctor headed out the room to get himself cleaned up and assessed by a colleague.

If Evan was going to start breaking bones until he had his wife in the room, then someone had to go and fetch her. They couldn't have him lunging for the anaesthesiologist who they would need to put him under ready for an operating room.

Bobby dragged his hand through his hair and twisted to look at the doorway while Hen and Eddie moved over to Evan. Hen busied herself holding Evan's hips down to the bed while Eddie grabbed his wrists, bracing one knee on the side of the bed so he could lean over Evan and pin him down as he struggled.

A round of "No!" and "Fuck off!" was spat at them, but neither of them listened.

"This is for your own good, if you want that leg then stop fighting us."

"Maddie, is (Y/n) in recovery now?" The pain in Bobby's eyes was evident. He didn't want his daughter to witness her husband in this state, it wouldn't be fair. She had been through an ordeal herself and she had only just had her baby. She would be exhausted and in pain and maybe on meds herself, she didn't need to be moving about she should be resting.

But Bobby knew his daughter. He knew she would be worrying, if not crying and screaming about not knowing the state of her husband. She would want to see Evan and right now, they needed her help.

When Maddie nodded, Bobby brushed the few tears out of his eyes. "Go bring her down here as fast as you can. She's the only one he'll listen to."

Maddie set off into a sprint, Chimney following one step behind her. They would comandeer a wheelchair and snatch (Y/n) from her hospital bed. She would willingly come down to the trauma unit with them once they hurriedly explained what was going on. They needed (Y/n) to calm Evan down because they would end up hurting him to sedate him if he continued to fight.

The remaining doctor and nurses looked at the X-ray images, conferring together in the corner of the room about the damage to the bone. They were all in agreement. They could save the leg if the blood vessels could be repaired and the nerves were in tact, and judging by the way his leg jerked and reacted to stimulant, he had a chance.

"Give me your hand for the IV." Hen turned around with a huff and pinned the right side of her chest and hip down into Evan's abdomen to try and keep him still and in place.

She tried to take his hand when Eddie let go of his wrist, but she couldn't get a good grasp when Evan started throwing his arm out at her. He wasn't opposed to elbowing, hitting and punching his colleagues if they were going to continue pinning him to the bed like this.

"Alright kid." Leaning over while Eddie had Evan's shoulders and left hand and Hen was practically laying on his waist, Bobby grabbed Evan's chin. It stopped him from trying to sit up and prevented him from writhing back and forth so much. "My daughter isn't coming in here with you lashing out at your own team and bleeding all over the place. So get that IV back in and stay put."

As much as Bobby wanted to be understanding, caring, compassionate, and be the father Evan had seemed to make him when they became family, he just couldn't. He couldn't give in to those feelings because they were making Bobby cry and giving in to Evan's lashing out wasn't going to help.

Bobby wouldn't let (Y/n) in here if Evan was lashing out because what if he hurt her by mistake? What if seeing him in a state like this pushed (Y/n) over the edge and sent her into shock? What if it upset her too much and she broke down?

If he wanted to see his wife, he had to calm down just a little and let them help him. (Y/n) wouldn't let Evan fight everyone in the room if she was here and they all knew it.

They were lucky he hadn't been restrained to the bed already for breaking a doctor's nose. Bobby was going to have to have a few conversations and do some pleading to make sure the doctor didn't sue or try and cause problems for Evan after this. But the doctor hadn't seemed vengeful, he seemed to understand that Evan was acting out of trauma and the worst agony of his life. This wasn't how he usually would be.

(Y/n) could hear evan before she set her sights on him.

Her hands were trembling, curled as tightly as possible around the arms of the wheelchair until her knuckles were close to popping through her skin.

The discomfort she felt and the agonising pain she had just been through with their daughter was nothing compared to the symphony her heart was creating from being apart from Evan. The agony she was in from not knowing if Evan was okay, from knowing he was in immense agony and there was nothing she could do about it.

Maybe now she could do something. She wanted to be there when he had been trapped. She had so desperately wanted to hold his hand and kiss his tears away and hold his hand through the mess. But she couldn't. Maybe now, she could calm him through the storm and then be there on the other side when he was out of surgery.

The sound of her husband's screams and tormented, gasping sobs called out to (Y/n) before they were down the hall in the trauma unit.

She pushed up onto trembling, heavy legs that felt like they were made of cement. Her knees tensed and tightened but hersocks glided against the floor as she shuffled towards Evan's room, using the wall as leverage to push herself faster. The dull cramps in her abdomen livened up as she moved, but she didn't care.

The sounds in trauma room three died down when (Y/n) appeared in the doorway. One arm secured around her waist, the other clinging to the doorframe. Hair askew and falling out the bun at the back of her head, eyes heavy, knees trembling and tears drenching her face once again.

Bobby's lips rolled together into a thin line that stopped him from bursting into tears then and there. He kept hold of Evan's shoulders but his eyes stayed focused on his daughter as she hurried into the room.

Both Hen and Eddie let go of Evan and backed away until they were stood at the far side of the room, allowing the doctor and two nurses to take their place so they could continue to assess him and get him ready. And Bobby finally let go of Evan and stepped back, resting one hand on his daughter's back as he leaned over to peck her temple.

As soon as Evan's sights set on (Y/n), a river of tears poured down his face and the ache in his heart overtook the throbbing trauma splitting apart in his leg.

Trembling set in all over his body and he finally stopped writhing against the bed as if all the worry, the tension and the pain had left his body. He didn't realise the nurse had confiscated his left hand so she could inject blood thinners and the morphine into his cannula.

Instead, Evan reached his right hand out towards (Y/n) as his lower lip wobbled and he started to sob.

A shudder ran down (Y/n)'s spine when she dared to look down at Evan's legs and her hand moved to cover her mouth. But it didn't stop a broken "Oh God," from leaving her lips.

It was worse than she expected. Seeing him being dragged free from that truck, he looked better than this. He looked like his leg was still attached and useable and able to be fixed. But seeing him right now, with the muscle split apart, the bone shattered into tiny fragments and all the blood soaked down his leg, (Y/n) felt sick.

Was his leg going to be saved? What would happen if Evan woke up with nothing below the knee? How would be cope? What would they do?

Shock had (Y/n) shaking and spasming, but she forced herself to look away from the tattered mess that was her husband's leg. Her hands reached out and she stood as close to the bed as possible, with her dad stood behind her, close by in case he had to step in.

Reaching her left hand out, (Y/n) shakily dragged her fingers through Evan's hair that was damp with smoke, sweat and surprisingly, blood. She raked her nails through the matted knots and leaned as close as possible while her right hand deadlocked around his left hand that was held out towards her.

"Oh baby," It hurt to crease forward but she didn't care, (Y/n) leaned over and smothered her lips against his temple. She could feel how flushed he was and he smelt of smoke and dirt and burnt rubber.

She inhaled all the different scents until all she could focus on was the scent of her strawberry shampoo that she bought multitudes of because she knew her husband used it every time he washed his hair. Her lips moved against his temple, whispering sweet nothings against his skin while he clenched her hand so tightly she wondered if he was going to break her hand.

Evan had gone oddly still on the bed, the only movement being the trembling that wouldn't stop, even with the high dose of morphine they gave him a few moments ago. After a few broken cries and hitched breaths, Evan turned his head to the right and burrowed his face into (Y/n)'s lower chest. He tried to take deep breaths, breathing into the shirt she wore which he recognised as one of his own along with his pair of joggers.

So that was what she had packed into the maternity bag she made in advance for when she went into labour.

"I- I'm so, s-so sorry-" He couldn't speak clearly for hiccupping and he let go of her hand in favour of binding his arm around her waist. He didn't want to hurt her, but he reeled her closer and smothered his face against her lower chest. His cries got worse when he nudged his nose against her stomach that now felt different.

Empty.

"The only thing you need to be sorry for, is hurting that doctor. You're gonna be okay, baby. It's okay."

She had been told why they were dragging her down to the trauma unit, although the moment Maddie said Evan needed her, (Y/n) was already up out of bed. She would have run all the way down here if her sister in law hadn't of practically heaved her into the wheelchair Chimney confiscated on the way up. They told her Evan was lashing out and he'd accidentally whacked one of his doctors.

They explained they were worried how they would sedate him in this state. No one had seen him so riled up and infuriated and broken before.

"I wasn't t-there… you had… had her alone." The more Evan thought about it, the worse he felt. He wanted to change time. He wanted to go back and put the universe back into place. He wanted to make everything better, have no mangled leg and have his daughter in his arms and the memory of her birth in his mind.

He knew for as long as he lived, he was never going to get over this. The ADHD part of his brain was going to hold this over him for the rest of his life. He was going to be infuriated for as long as he lived that the universe had broken him on the very night that he was supposed to welcome his first child into the world.

He tried to open his eyes, but looking at (Y/n)'s misshapen stomach only made him howl. And nuzzling his nose and lips against her soft bump where there was no longer a baby moving and kicking him made him hold her tighter.

He bound his arm around her back until he was beginning to hurt her and he buried his face into her abdomen until (Y/n) had to tilt her head back and take a deep breath to control her reaction. She didn't want him to know it hurt to hold her tight and she didn't want Evan to feel any worse. If holding her was going to calm a tiny part of him down then that was okay, (Y/n) would bear the uncomfortableness. She had been through much worse tonight, and the night was far from over.

"It's okay, shh." Tilting her head back down, (Y/n) kissed Evan's curls and moved her free hand to brush her thumb across his cheek. She glided her fingers around the side of his neck and slowly moved her thumb up and down his cheek and across his jaw while she pressed sloppy kisses to the top of his head.

"Is she o-okay?"

The tender tone in Evan's voice made (Y/n)'s heart soar, break and melt all at the same time.

She pulled back just a tiny bit so she could bend her knees and move down to Evan's height. Her fingers continued to card through his hair which seemed to be calming him down and keeping him in a soothed state. Her other hand cupped the side of his face and she pressed a chaste kiss to his wet, bloodied lips.

"She's perfect, a-and she's waiting for you." (Y/n) took a deep breath when she heard the door open and felt her dad's hand on her shoulder.

"They need to sedate him now and take him for surgery." Bobby kissed the top of (Y/n)'s head as he squeezed her shoulder. They had given Evan morphine, they had done an X-ray and they had managed to see his nerve endings and his blood vessels were somewhat in tact and could be saved.

He needed to go straight to an operating room so they could start patching him up. With Evan being so enraptured with (Y/n), the nurse had already managed to give him some more medicine through his IV to settle his heartbeat. And she was now prepping something to bring down his blood pressure so he would be stable for surgery.

"Baby, someone's here to prep you now."

A tiny, croaked whimper left Evan's lips and he tried to bury his face in her stomach again, but (Y/n) kept hold of his cheek and nudged her nose against his.

"It's okay, because you're gonna get that leg fixed, and when you wake up, I'll be right here holding your hand. And you can see your little girl, okay baby?"

(Y/n) figured the noise Evan let out was him agreeing with her. His eyes closed and his trembling simmered down for a moment when (Y/n) kissed his chapped lips, tasting the blood on her tongue when they parted. She leaned back up to her full height again which made her stomach feel a bit better. But having Evan tucking himself into her stomach like he was filling the void their daughter had left made her feel queasy.

He stayed compliant, left arm now wrapped around (Y/n) while his right hand was held in the nurse's frail grip so she could give him the medicines to settle his heartbeat and blood pressure.

The anaesthesiologist checked Evan's chart while the ECG clips were reattached to his chest, his leg was shifted and kept in place and the bed was lowered so he was flat on his back again.

"Okay Mr Buckley, once this is in your system, we'll get this mask on you and I'll need you to start counting for me. Don't worry, when you wake up, your lovely lady will still be right here with you." The newest doctor seemed calm and attentive with a charming smile that Evan couldn't see as he was still tucked up against his wife.

He must deal with troublesome patients a lot.

He fiddled with the medicine trolley and once a large dose was in Evan's system to work with the anaesthesia, he found the mask and got the tank turned on.

Evan whimpered again, trying his best to tuck himself into his wife, but no one was having it. He was compliant now, they could move him with ease without fearing a broken bone in retaliation.

"S'alright baby, I'll be here when you wake up." (Y/n) kissed his temple while Eddie gently rolled his shoulders back so he was laid on his back.

She began dragging her fingers through his hair in a soft, rhythmic motion and went back to holding Evan's hand so it wasn't bruising her waist anymore. She could feel tears drenching her face when Evan shuddered at the mask going over his lips. He didn't count like he had been asked, but he tried to mutter something which was as good as counting.

The shaking started to subside the more anaesthesia he inhaled until he was loosening his grip on (Y/n)'s hand. Softly drifting into a calm state of sleep, with the last thing he could make out being (Y/n)'s voice as she murmured "I love you." In his ear.

***

Opening her tired eyes, (Y/n) cast them about the room and soon felt herself waking up immediately when she heard Evan started to mumble.

It took some effort to push herself up from the small cot bed that had been laid out in the right corner of the room and (Y/n) felt her stomach crease and twinge when she pushed up to her feet. All she wanted to do was lay down and go to sleep, but she hadn't slept for over two days now.

As soon as Evan went into the operating theatre, (Y/n) thought that maybe she would get an hour or two of sleep, but her body decided against her. She couldn't sleep, her mind was too wired with the sound of Evan's cries and the mangled formation of his leg burned into her eyelids.

She hadn't been able to settle for fear of seeing Evan come out of that operation with only one leg. She wouldn't be able to piece her husband back together if he lost his leg. And (Y/n) didn't know what she would do if the operation didn't go well.

She had spent the hours cradling her daughter and crying while her parents tried in vain to comfort her and reassure her that everything would be okay.

When Evan's operation was finally over and they got him onto a ward in the recovery unit, (Y/n) made a small request. She was going to be discharged in the morning as long as her baby was feeding properly and all the checks were okay. (Y/n) asked if she could stay in Evan's room until she was discharged. She didn't care if that meant sleeping in a chair, just as long as she and their daughter could be in the same room as Evan so when he woke up, their family would be together.

Bobby and Athena had finally gone home for a few hours of sleep and would be back in the morning. Maddie had been in to see Evan, but he had been ninety percent asleep and high on morphine so he hadn't spoken a word. But she had been reassured her brother was okay and would be on the mend, so she and the team had all gone home with the promise that tomorrow afternoon, they would be back to see him.

Now though, now Evan seemed that he was finally coming out of the anaesthetic and (Y/n) was hoping he would finally wake up and be conscious enough to talk.

Shuffling across from the little cot bed, (Y/n) slowly heaved herself up to sit on the side of Evan's bed. She took his left hand in hers and entwined their fingers together while her right hand gently brushed across the side of his temple. She carded her fingers through his hair and peppered a few kisses to his cheek as he began to groan and twist his head from left to right.

It took a few minutes for him to properly come around. His fingers twitched in her grasp, his eyelids fluttered and little murmurs and noises left his chapped lips before he finally started to wake up.

"Evan, baby, are you with me?" Her fingers tangled through his hair when he opened his eyes and managed to focus his sights on her.

She leaned back to be out the way when Evan moved his free hand and shakily clutched the oxygen mask strapped over his mouth and nose. With one swift yank, he ripped it off his face and tossed it to the side.

"(Y/n)? I- did I…" He pressed his head back into the pillow and arched his chest up off the bed as he tried to draw in a deep breath.

Oh God, why did his mind feel like it had been beaten with a whisk? Why did his body feel like he was floating but with the absolution that any moment now someone was going to yank his chains and have him falling through the air to a harsh landing.

When his eyes opened again, Evan moved his right hand until his fingers were tracing over his thigh, but he couldn't find the will to move them any further past his knee.

Did he still have both his legs?

He could feel tears welling up in his eyes that were aching from the headache forming in his throbbing temple. But when he looked over at his wife, he found comfort in the tepid smile on her lips and the feel of her lips pressing against his cheek.

"Your leg's still there, baby, just with a few bolts and pins to keep the bone in place. You'll be up and walking in no time."

The relief was evident in Evan's features and he allowed a tear or two to slip down his features while he squeezed her hand. He tried to take a few deep breaths. He still had both legs. He would be able to walk soon. It might take some time, but he wasn't going to be learning how to walk with a prosthetic or crutches. He would be walking about soon. He would still be able to do his job.

"Talk to me baby, do you feel okay?"

"I feel high."

A quiet laugh rumbled past (Y/n)'s lips and she leaned down to kiss him, feeling elated when he squeezed her hand and leaned into her touch.

Feeling high was preferable to the pain he had been in last night. It was much more preferable than being in agony or feeling

uncomfortable or sick or drowsy or like he was having a bad reaction to the medication. If the morphine was making him feel high then it was doing its job and making sure he was comfortable and that's what they wanted.

"Good." Her lips formed a smile, but there was something hiding in her eyes that made Evan uneasy. He leaned into her touch, nuzzling his cheek into her palm, but when he saw the tears in her eyes, he felt his heart rate picking up. "Evan, I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry I wasn't there, I tried-"

"You? Sweetheart it's me that should have been there."

He tried to sit up, but he didn't have the willpower or the core strength and he flopped back into the pillow with a groan. Until (Y/n) let go of his face to press the button beside the bed, tilting the bed up at an angle so he was sitting up rather than lying down.

Sorrow filled his eyes as his right hand moved out to skim his fingers across her stomach. Only a few days ago he had done that and felt kicking against his palm. He had kissed her stomach and told their baby that he couldn't wait to meet and hold them and kiss them.

Now it was all over and he hadn't been there for any of it. He had let (Y/n)) go through something so traumatic without him and he was never going to be able to rectify that.

"You needed me, you needed help, and I- I couldn't help you-"

(Y/n) wondered how things would have gone if she hadn't of been in labour last night. Would she have been able to go to the scene if she wasn't in labour? Would her mum have taken her down there and let her hold Evan's hand while the team got him out? Could she have calmed him down while he was stuck beneath that truck? Could she have calmed him and travelled in the ambulance with him and made some sort of difference when he arrived?

She wanted someone to have been holding his hand through that ordeal. None of the team had told him he would be okay, they didn't hold his hand or kneel beside him to let him know he wasn't alone. Bomber or not, they shouldn't have left Evan alone. (Y/n) was never going to let go of that and she would never forgive herself for being in the hospital when Evan needed her the most.

"I broke every promise I made you. I wasn't with you… you gave birth alone, I- I wanted to be there, to hold your hand, a-and hold her…" When tears started to fall down Evan's face, (Y/n) let go of his hand in favour of cupping his face and pressing a tender, wet kiss to his lips.

"Maddie kindly took your place," Her thumbs swiped beneath his eyes to dry away his tears. "We can't change what happened, baby, but you're gonna be there for so much more. Her first word, her first steps, when she falls and cries and laughs, you'll see it all."

No matter how badly they wanted to change what had happened, they couldn't. All they could do was make sure that nothing like this happened again, and they could move forward.

(Y/n) didn't dare broach the subject just yet about Evan's recovery. The doctor was going to have to explain that he would need another operation to remove the pins, and maybe a third if the bone needed setting again or if any complications arose. Physio was going to take some time and he wouldn't be at work for at least five months, maybe more.

But that would give Evan ample time to be with their daughter. He could hold her and cuddle her to his heart's content. He would be there for her first smile, her giggles, her moving and interacting with them. And in the years to come, he would see her first words and her first steps, he would be there for everything that was important. Missing the birth wasn't much in comparison to what he was going to witness in the future.

"She won't remember or hold it against you that you weren't there, you know. I'd rather you miss the birth and be there for the first word or her first day at school. You'll be there when it counts, that's what she will remember."

Tilting her head forward, (Y/n) pressed her temple down into Evan's chest, smiling against his skin when she felt him kiss the top of her head and weave his arm around to cup the back of her neck. She felt his fingers tangle into her hair and they stayed like that for a few moments until (Y/n) finally tilted her head to look up at him.

"Are you ready to meet her?"

The light that lit up Evan's eyes was one that made (Y/n)'s stomach flip and she felt him bristle against her as he looked around the room. He hadn't thought she would be here or anywhere nearby, but Evan's eyes locked on the small plastic cot he hadn't noticed before at the far side of the room.

His baby was here. His baby girl was sleeping soundly across the room, so close that he should have felt her presence already.

He had waited long enough.

He didn't realise he was shaking until (Y/n) glided her hand up and down his chest and pressed a soft, fluttering kiss against his cheek. She patted his chest and slowly stood up to move across to the cot, feeling Evan's eyes on her with every step she took.

(Y/n) brushed her cheek against her shoulder to try and stop herself from crying when she turned around and slowly perched back down on the side of the bed. Evan was still shaking and he didn't look certain that he would be able to hold their daughter without dropping her, but that wasn't going to stop him.

His arms moved out before he could think about any of it and his teeth sank into his bottom lip as he trembled, desperate for that little weight to be rested in his arms.

A quiet gasp left his lips when the newborn was placed in the crook of his left arm and the movement seemed to wake her up. He didn't mean to wake her when she had clearly been sound asleep, but he was mesmerised by those bright, wide eyes that stared up at him when she came around. Her hands had little mittens covering them so she didn't scratch her nose in her sleep and Evan reached out to remove one of them.

He wanted to see the difference in the size of their hands. All of her tiny fingers could barely curl around his thumb and when he brushed his index finger against her chubby cheek, she actually leaned into the touch.

"She's beautiful." He couldn't help the tears he shed when he looked down at his little girl in his arms.

It took Evan a moment to remove his finger from her tiny hand, but when he did, he carefully shifted his hand around so he was holding her sides, allowing him to lift her up. He held her close to kiss her cheek that felt warm and cosy against his skin, and he tugged the itchy, uncomfortable hospital gown out the way so he could lean his daughter against his chest.

He loved the feeling when she instantly nuzzled herself into his bare chest as if the warmth was reeling her in. He curled his large hand around the back of her head and glided his thumb over the small streaks of hair that felt as soft as silk against the rough pad of his thumb.

The way she smacked her lips against his chest felt like she was trying to give him a kiss and Evan reciprocated the touch by attaching his lips to the top of her warm head.

"We need a name, up to now the nurses are calling her baby Buckley." (Y/n) dragged the back of her hand gently across their daughter's head, nudging Evan's hand before she moved to rest her hand on his arm instead.

Their eyes locked for a few seconds while Evan remembered the little agreement they'd had. They had a list of four names they had agreed on, depending on whether they had a girl or a boy and whoever guessed the gender right got to pick the name. Evan guessed a girl.

"Do you think Lilah suits her?" He mused, not breaking his lips away from her head since his girl was nicely snugged into his chest.

For a brief moment, Evan let his eyes drag away from both his girls and he looked down at his right leg. He had a cast from his foot all the way up to the middle of his thigh. Great. For the next month, he wouldn't be walking without a struggle. It sent shivers up his spine, but he warded away the bad thoughts with the knowledge that he still had a leg and he could learn to walk properly again and he could build up his strength.

He wasn't starting from the beginning with a prosthetic and crutches, waiting to adapt.

"Lilah Buckley it is." (Y/n) murmured softly, leaning across so she could kiss Evan's neck while her hand moved to rest on his good thigh.

She watched him for a few more moments as he got Lilah comfortable on his chest and slowly reclined into the pillows, easing her back on his chest. He still hadn't stopped kissing her temple and the way he was leaning from left to right was slow and almost unnoticable, but it made her smile. She dragged her free hand up and down his arm, gliding her nail across his skin to cause goosebumps in her wake as her head tilted to one side and she grinned.

"You're not gonna put her down, are you?" (Y/n) had a feeling that for however long Evan was going to be in hospital, their daughter was going to remain in his arms.

If he couldn't get up and walk about or carry her, he would be sitting here. Evan would want to feed her, he would want to wind her and cuddle her and get her to sleep on his chest so he never had to put her down. It was going to be hard for anyone else to try and hold her when Evan seemed to want to attach her to his person twenty-four seven.

The way he grinned against their daughter's head confirmed (Y/n) was right, but she didn't mind. She could see the serenity in Evan's eyes and the calmness that was washing over his face. He wasn't bothered about the state of his legs, the pins attached to his bone that was covered in a cast. He couldn't be bothered to think about the nuisance this cast was going to be for the next few weeks.

Evan couldn't even work up the nerve to think about the struggle he had ahead of him. All he could think about was the sense of peace he had now that his daughter was in his arms.

"Never."

[mmmurdockss]

The way Matt's face falls at the mention of Foggy, and his pained smile during the toast...we are seeing a man with so much repressed emotions roiling inside him. And Charlie's acting is so good at conveying it.

[shootingstareon]

going through every emotion on earth

[bold-embrace]

I need to draw Natori more often

[cubbihue]

A common misconception about Fairy Crowns is that it indicates the emotions a Fairy has. This is not true. A Fairy's Crown is purely an indication of their magical energy, as magic is directly connected to their health.

A crown losing its form is an indication that the flow of their magic is fluctuating, which humans often mistaken it as high emotions. Humans should be wary of Fairies with visible fluctuating magic, as it can mean that they are about to impulsively use magic in an erratic or dangerous manner.

Thankfully, crowns cannot do direct harm to others, and Fairies cannot do magic without a wand! Take their wand, and they won't do you harm!!

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

Instability: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[that-ineffable-devil]

I've praised George Rextrew a lot for the emotion he put behind various actions, and I stand by that.

But I also want to take a moment to appreciate Jayden Revri's ability to handle Charles' more explosive emotions.

In the Devlin house, you watch his anguish and anger build in equal measure. Unlike the characters, we get to see the build-up to the outburst that leads to him getting stuck in the loop. The first time he sees that man murder his family he wants to look away, he tries to look away. You can see how much it hurts him, but he turns back and watches anyway--and the horror turns to rage.

When the Night Nurse comes, he fights her off--very aggressively yes, but they didn't see what he did when she took him into his memories--and everyone looks at him like...like he's a bomb that may go off again? Like they've never seen him before?

The boy's just been through some of his most traumatic memories and committed an act of violence that probably only made that experience worse, and he sees his friends looking at him the way he'd always feared they would--like he's a bad guy. And Jayden portrays that grief and pain so beautifully.

And when he gives that little "no" while he's crying and jerks away from Edwin's outstretched hand?

My heart feels like it's been squashed and wrung out.

[a-glow-in-the-snow]

[Something something Soul and time loops.]

[Song is "Half The Glass" by Allenimations]

[nevertheless-moving]

So You Just Killed Palpatine

In Which, Much To Obi-Wan Kenobi's Surprise, While Dealing With The Consequences of One's Own Action's Can Be A Lot, It Isn't Always Entirely A Bad Thing

originally inspired by this and this from anon and husborth Part One, Part Two, Part Three ... Part Fo ... uh ... there's memes somewhere... Anyway Here's Part Five:

Obi-Wan blinked awake, head cloudy and body heavy, as if under unusually high gravity. But no, there was the all-too-recognizable ceiling of the temple healing halls, its mosaic ceiling drifting in lazy, clockwise circles.

What did I do this time? Wait, there was something I had to tell the rest of the Jedi...something important...

Oh dear, he was on the good painkillers, wasn't he?

“Obi-Wan?” someone familiar asked, voice and force presence ringing with a startling jab of hope.

“Bant?” he tried to reply, only to be met with burning pain in his throat. The only thing he managed to get out was an unintelligible coughing fit which pulled sharply at his gut.

“Take it easy!” she urged, moving into his blurry line of sight. “You’ve had extensive abdominal surgery, and your throat was — was crushed rather severely — it’s going to take more time for the grafts to heal.”

Obi-Wan nodded, chastened, before cautiously starting the process of pushing himself up in bed, Bant hovering nervously all the while. The effort made his muscles ache and the room spin faster, but things settled down once he was sitting up.

He looked around, sagging in relief at a small oily handprint on one of the otherwise sterile visitor chairs. Anakin had been here recently, and was in good enough health to be tinkering. Good, that was good. That was important.

He suddenly realized half his vision was obscured and sluggishly raised a hand to his face, only to find heavy cloth.

“I’m sorry, we weren’t able to save your eye,” Bant said softly. “Once you’re a little more healed we can discuss artificial or bioengineered replacement options.”

She plucked a cup off a counter overcrowded with a dizzying array of flowers. “Here, drink some of this if you’re feeling up to it, it’ll make talking a little easier.”

Obi-Wan accepted the drink, only to feel it slide out of numb hands. Bant gently closed her hands around his, helping to guide the drink to his lips. He grimaced at the taste.

“Bacta infused water,” she apologized. “You’re going to be drinking bacta infused liquids for some time, I’m afraid.”

A wave of exhaustion swept over him and Bant set the cup down as Obi-Wan sagged.

“Anakin?” he managed to rasp out.

“Anakin’s fine, he’s completely safe,” Bant said with a comforting squeeze of his shoulder. “He’ll be annoyed to know he missed you waking up, he very much wanted to be there.”

Obi-Wan was going to say something else, but sleep dragged him under first.

//

Obi-Wan opened his eyes — his eye — to the sight of Quinlan Vos scowling over a datapad. The dark spot on the left side of his vision was more noticeable than before. What the kriff did I do to myself?

He shifted, irritated at how lethargically his body responded. The pad fell to the ground with a clatter as Quinlan lurched towards the bed.

“Obi-Wan! Hold on, let me — you’re supposed to have the water before you try to talk.”

Quinlan helped hold up a cup and straw so Obi-Wan could take several short sips of the unpleasantly viscous and vaguely pineapple flavored water.

“How are you feeling?” Quinlan asked, hovering with uncharacteristic anxiousness.

Obi-Wan paused to think. “Weak,” he replied in a hoarse whisper. “How long have I been...”

Guilt flashed over Vos’s face. “You were in and out of Bacta tanks and surgery for a full two weeks. And then another week in an induced coma. And then another week in a self-healing trance. You had...a lot of internal injuries. I’m so sorry Obi-Wan—this is all my fault.”

Obi-Wan stared at Quinlan blankly for a moment. His face helped the memories to start trickling in.

"Yes..." he said slowly. "Yes — you knocked on my door... you said... Vos... please just... just tell me if I hallucinated anything — did I try to assassinate the Chancellor of the Republic?"

"I'd say you succeeded," Quinlan replied, half-smiling, half-grimacing.

"Did I — did we think he was a pedophile, only—”

He had to pause, throat burning as he fought a coughing fit. He swallowed more disgustingly flavored water before finishing the thought.

“—only to discover that he was in fact not sexually grooming Anakin, but was doing a number of other terrible things? And did he... did he — did he electrocute me...”

Obi-Wan’s voice trailed off and he took several more sips, throat filled with an uncomfortable fizzing sensation.

Quinlan nodded, wincing. “I mean parts of that you know better than me but yeah, that matches with what I understand.”

“Hm.” Obi-Wan finished the cup, mulling it over.

Quinlan Vos muttered something under his breath that Obi-Wan couldn't quite make out, but the word "dramatic" almost definitely featured.

Grey crept in around the corners of his vision, then black.

//

When he opened his eyes — his eye, he'd have to get used to that — next, he was greeted by a convenient and increasingly familiar cup at his bedside, as well as Master Windu. Obi-Wan quickly reached for the water, clutching it in both hands and taking a long drink.

Spurred on by the sight of the Master of the Order, he also reached for the urgent thought from earlier, wanting to get it out before he slipped back under —

“Chancellor Palpatine’s a Sith Lord!!”

The corners of Mace’s eyes crinkled. “Yes, Knight Kenobi," he said. "We’re aware of that now. You’ve proved it to be the case quite publicly. And ended the threat with remarkable... thoroughness.”

Obi-Wan head fell back. “A Sith Lord... the Chancellor!” he said in amazement. He was relieved to find his throat only barely twinging at his outburst.

“It truly stretches the imagination,” Mace agreed tolerantly.

“You’re telling me!” Obi-Wan took another long drink, head spinning.

Master Windu smoothed a crease from his robe before saying, with extreme delicacy, “I don't wish to pressure you into speaking before you've healed... but I admit, we’ve all been wondering how exactly you knew.”

"He force choked me and electrocuted me with Sith Lightning. Lighting! I thought that was a myth!” He drained the cup, hands shaking slightly.

“Yes,” Mace said quietly. “The healers were amazed you survived so long... let alone had the strength to fight back with such strength. We’re all extremely grateful to the Force for keeping you alive long enough for us to reach you.”

Obi-Wan made a mental note to feel grateful later, but his mental space was a bit of a mess at the moment, and he wasn't entirely certain he had filed it away correctly.

Master Windu sighed. “We would have been there sooner but I’m afraid none of us had any idea that you were going to confront a Sith.” A twinge of reproach crept into Windu's voice, but Obi-Wan set it aside along with the gratitude, to be examined at some later date. Ideally when his head felt less full of bantha wool.

“I had no idea,” Obi-Wan said numbly.

“Well you figured it out before the Council at least,” Mace replied, not without humor.

He couldn't help but snort. “Yes, because he shot lightning at me. I mean the force choking happened first but... lightning. Lightning!”

Lines formed between Master Windu's brows as he looked down at him. “As much as it pains me, I understand the risk assessment in not telling the High Council about a Sith Chancellor of the Republic, and goading a public fight was probably the best political move possible. But why start the confrontation so privately? It seemed rather — apologies, we can debrief on that when you're rested. I presume you were trying to get a confession about the droid and clone armies?”

Obi-Wan stared at Mace Windu wide-eyed.

“The what.”

The lines on Master Windu’s face deepened. “The... Kamonian clone army — the clones of Jango Fett...”

Obi-Wan’s eyes got wider. “Jango Fett—you mean Galidrean Jango Fett? The Jedi Killer? Palpatine made a clone army of him?”

Mace was silent for a long while, staring at Obi-Wan as though he were a particularly concerning puzzle. Obi-Wan chewed on the straw, mind wandering to whether or not it would be appropriate to ask Master Windu for a refill. As unpleasant as the flavor was, the fizzing did make his throat feel better.

“Knight Kenobi...” Mace finally said, speaking very slowly. “Do you remember why Chancellor Palpatine attacked you? The soul healers were quite certain the Sith Lord didn’t breach your inner shields but I think you might be suffering from some memory loss...”

His left eye itched; he resisted the urge to reach for it. Obi-Wan sank further into the cushions behind him, trying to think. Were there gaps in his memory? No, as usual, it all seemed a fairly clear path from Quinlan Vos knocking on his door to Obi-Wan ending up unconscious in the healing halls.

“Why Palpatine starting attacking?" he mused. "I suppose he wasn't going to just dance around forever — force, when he dodged my blaster shot, I simply could not understand how — it all happened so fast, but the next thing I knew I was pinned against the wall by a Dark —”

“Stop,” Master Windu ordered, raising his hand. He took a deep breath, radiating calm into the force.

“Do you remember what Palpatine said immediately before you shot him?” he asked patiently.

Obi-Wan shifted, feeling a pang of awkwardness as he muttered the answer guiltily under his breath.

“I’m sorry, Knight Kenobi, I didn’t quite catch that.”

“He said, ah, ‘you’re a Jedi’ and ‘you can’t kill an unarmed man.’”

Mace Windu stared at Obi-Wan.

There was a long pause while Obi-Wan fidgeted with the straw. He was starting to feel that perhaps his thoughts were even less clear than he had assumed them to be, and he was not handling this conversation particularly well.

Windu took another deep breath, radiating slightly less calm then before.

“Knight Kenobi. Why did you shoot the Chancellor of the Republic?”

“...I was trying to kill him,” Obi-Wan said, looking down.

“Why?”

Obi-Wan mumbled.

“Kenobi, speak clearly.”

“Well—ah—it actually turns out that I had misunderstood...I mean it had certainly seemed like...but he wasn’t actually...doing exactly what I thought...”

Windu stared at the recumbent Knight, who flushed.

It occurred to Obi-Wan for the first time, that, considering his plan of running away and becoming a bounty hunter was no longer possible nor, perhaps necessary, he could have misrepresented some of the timeline of events vis a vis sith slaying. Or better yet, pretended to have memory loss.

In his defense, the whole experience had been extremely unnerving! For all that weeks had clearly elapsed for everyone else, Obi-Wan was still processing Chancellor Palpatine shooting lightning out of his fingers.

A wave of exhaustion flooded over him, and he sank into it with relief, recognizing now the sickly sweet painkillers pulsing through his blood, clouding his thoughts and pulling him under.

//

Unfortunately, Mace Windu was still there when he woke up. Kriff.

He opened his mouth to try and backtrack, but Windu raised his hand, cutting off any poorly thought out explanations.

Master Windu took a deep breath, radiating very little calm by this point.

“Let me get this clear. Nod if yes, shake your head if no, did you go into the Chancellor’s office with the intent to assassinate the Chancellor of the Republic?”

Obi-Wan nodded.

“Did you know he was a Sith before you went into his office?”

Obi-Wan shook his head.

“Did you suspect he was a Sith?" Mace asked, slightly desperate.

Obi-Wan shook his head, cringing in apology.

“Before you went into the Chancellor’s office, were you aware that he was working with the Kaminoians to commission a clone army?”

Obi-Wan shook his head, biting back questions.

“Did you know he was working with the trade federation to commission a droid army?”

Another no.

“Did you suspect anything about these armies? Anything about a larger plot to destabilize the Republic? Destroy the Jedi? Become Emperor?”

Obi-Wan shook his head at each question, eyes widening with shock.

Mace Windu was radiating absolutely no calm at this point.

“Knight Kenobi...” he asked with a pained expression. “Did you... attempt to assassinate the Chancellor of the republic for personal reasons born out of some sort of misunderstanding? Only to inadvertently save the Republic?”

“I mean once I found out that he was a Sith... I of course changed tactics... and personal is a bit... but... that... Well. More or less sums the situation up, yes.”

Mace WIndu stared at Obi-Wan Kenobi, who wasn’t sure if he should keep talking or not. He didn't entirely trust his ability to explain things well at the moment, and ultimately decided to err on the side of silence.

Obi-Wan vaguely wished he could slip into sleep, but was fairly sure that it would be rude and possibly obvious to do twice in one conversation. His throat itched and he considered once again asking for more water, ultimately deciding against it.

Minutes passed, Master Windu staring blankly at the wall above Obi-Wan’s shoulders, while Obi-Wan's mind started to wander.

Who on earth had been paying to feed a clone army? How was Quinlan doing at getting Anakin to brush his teeth? Am I going to prison? Ohh that’s why the force was so insistent on killing Palpatine. Maybe that would help explain things to Master Windu? Though 'the force told me to' is  generally not considered a good excuse, in of itself, for acts of violence...though this is a rather unique situation...

Eventually Master Plo walked in, letting out a pleased noise.

“There he is! The Hero of the Republic!”

Mace Windu closed his eyes.

“Is that what they’re calling me?” Obi-Wan asked weakly, when it became clear Master Windu wasn’t ready to address everything wrong with that.

“Oh! Your drink is empty! Mace, Vokara was very clear with her instructions!” Master Plo scolded.

Mace Windu didn’t reply.

Plo-Koon snatched the cup, filling it up from a pitcher across the room and talking boisterously. “Well, the public is throwing around a lot of titles, but since you already had Sith Slayer...”

“Oh dear,” Obi-Wan said faintly, accepting the terrible water and drinking it for lack of anything better to do.

Plo-Koon patted him on the shoulder reassuringly. “I’m afraid to tell you it’s going to be very difficult for you to dodge commendations for your actions. Now that you’re awake you’re going to be faced with quite a backlog of requests for ceremonies and interviews—”

Obi-Wan choked. “Ceremonies?” he repeated in a higher pitch. He snuck a look at Master Windu. His eyes were closed, though he didn't appear to be meditating.

That probably wasn't a good sign.

"Yes, ceremonies," Plo-Koon said with far too much relish. "Turns out there are quite a lot of old traditions on the books regarding —"

Master Healer Vokara Che entered the room at brisk pace. “I thought I heard voices — I will remind you that before he is the ‘Sith Slayer Returned’ or ‘The True Chosen One’ or any such nonsense he is first and foremost my patient.”

She gave a sharp look to both Council Members. Plo-Koon nodded contritely while Master Windu continued to not say or do anything.

“The — no, no Anakin’s the chosen one —" Obi-Wan sputtered. "Anakin’s the reason — people aren’t actually calling me that, right?” he asked, drugs doing an admirable job at suppressing the panic he was fairly sure he was going to feel later. The device in Master Che's hand beeped faintly in answer.

“That and more, young Kenobi,” another familiar voice suddenly added, below his field of vision. “To collect your honors, expect to survive, you did not, mmn?”

“Master Yoda! No, I—I really didn’t expect... any honors... at most I was hoping that people would understand...” Obi-Wan protested weakly, shooting Windu a beseeching look which yet again failed to garner a response.

Che rolled her eyes, flipping a lek behind her somewhat sarcastically as she attached a glowing device to his chest. "Of course you didn't."

He barely refrained from wincing as several needles bit into him.

“Perhaps we would have had a better chance of understanding had you left us any of your evidence,” Master Koon chided gently.

“Put together the pieces we did, in our time,” Yoda added, hopping up on the nightstand to affectionately poke his shoulder.

Obi-Wan leaned back, feeling increasingly light-headed.

“Your vitals look good, all things considered,” Master Che said, sounding smug. “You should be back to getting into trouble in a year or so.”

Obi-Wan jerked his head in her direction, aghast. “A year?!”

“Busy, you will be, if work you wish. A seat, open there is for you. Comfortable chair, good company, important duties.”

Master Windu’s eyes squeezed further closed.

“What?” Obi-Wan asked, bewildered.

The healer scowled. “You were bleeding heavily into more or less all your major organs, including your brain. Really, it would be faster for me to list organs that weren't damaged. The fact that you recovered at all is only because Master Gallia conducted ill-advised on-scene amateur healing—"

"Is she alright?" Obi-Wan asked.

"—ill-advised, but successfully non-self-detrimental amateur healing, and I’m a miracle worker, and, credit where credit is due, you’re a stubborn bastard; not to mention your padawan has far too much energy to throw around — you really should consider enrolling him some healer’s courses—”

“Is he alright?” Obi-Wan asked, more urgently.

“He’s fine,” Master Plo reassured him with a gentle hand on the shoulder. “Everyone is fine except for you. He just tired himself out a few times, but Knight Vos has been keeping a close eye on him, and Anakin understands that the best thing at this point is to let you heal under your own power."

“Can I see him?” he asked. His voice was growing hoarse despite the dutifully refilled cup.

Vokara’s face softened. “Of course. He’ll be stopping by after class, in another hour or so. He’s been very punctual.”

“Master Windu? Alright are you? Silent, you have been.” Mace flinched upon being prodded with a stick. He opened his eyes, pinning Knight Kenobi with a steely gaze. Obi-Wan shrunk back, but Windu just sighed.

“You...” he trailed off. He stood up slowly, as if the movement pained him.

"I —" he said authoritatively, quieting the room. "—am taking a sabbatical. Call me when—” Windu gestured vaguely. “—you all sort out this mess.”

He walked out.

A long moment passed. “What did you tell him?” Master Plo finally asked in a hushed whisper.

"Ah..." Obi-Wan paused, limbs heavy with fatigue. "Well — you see— " He closed his eyes, feeling slightly cowardly as he did so.

//

When he opened them again, the light hadn't shifted nearly as much as other inbetweens, and his bandages hadn't been changed. Master Plo was still there, speaking quietly with Yoda.

Shit.

"Not too long that time," Vokara said, pleased. "I've lowered the dose on some of your medications, it should make it easier to stay awake."

"Oh. Good," Obi-Wan replied.

"Young Kenobi." Plo-Koon moved closer. "I dislike pressuring you in your current state, but... Master Windu appears to have left the temple. We were wondering..."

Obi-Wan opened his mouth, then closed it again, considering. His mind was, at last, starting to catch up with mouth. “He asked me... some questions. About how I came to suspect Palpatine," Obi-Wan said carefully. "It would appear I may have forgotten some details. About the evidence...Master Windu was — distressed regarding what I did and did not recall."

Vokara nodded. "Memory loss is completely understandable with the type of injuries you recieved."

"Alright, it is, if remember everything, you cannot," Yoda added kindly. "Our own investigations, ongoing are."

"So if I, ah, can't quite remember everything that led up to our fight," Obi-Wan asked, feeling guilty, but force, that blank look in Master Windu's eyes. "I mean I definitely remember the force willing me to decisively seek his end — really it was unusually loud about it," he added hastily. "If that helps."

Yoda nodded slowly. "This reason, understand we do. But, present to the public, perhaps not a good idea would be."

"Yes," Obi-Wan said. "I think — I'm not certain but I believe Quinlan Vos may have helped me collect some evidence..."

"Said as much, he did. Wait to confer with you, he wanted."

Obi-Wan sagged backwards with relief. "Yes. Yes! We had security concerns... Palpatine was so highly placed..." he trailed off.

"Considering Sifo-Dyas's and Count Dooku's entanglement in all this I can hardly blame you for hesitating to reach out to the council," Plo-Koon said, exhaustion audible even through his vocoder.

Obi-Wan choked on his spit; the following coughing fit was soon rewarded with a fresh bacta drink from Vokara.

Dooku?? Sifo-Dyas??

"Perhaps after I speak with him I'll be able to better assist with the current investigations," he offered hoarsely after recovering.

"Of course," Plo-Koon said gently. "Again, we apologize for interrogating you so early into your recovery but you really can't imagine the public and political scrutiny we've all been under —" He hesitated. "Master Windu was joking about taking a sabbatical right now, was he not?" he asked, sounding strained. "I know he's been under a lot of pressure, but surely you having memory issues couldn't—"

He was thankfully interrupted by the sound of small feet moving rapidly and a gangly body launching itself at highspeeds through the doorway.

Vokara just managed to snag the back of Anakin's robes before he crashed into Obi-Wan's medbed.

"Padawan Skywalker," she said, voice tight. "I believe I have mentioned the numerous injuries your master is recovering from and the need for —"

"Care in my movements," he said sheepishly. "Apologies, master, thank you."

"Anakin," Obi-Wan said, something in his chest relaxing at the sight of his dangling student.

"Obi-Wan." His padawan's eyes immediately started filling with tears.

Obi-Wan reached out instinctively. "Oh, Anakin."

"Give you a moment, we will," Yoda said, hobbling out, as Vokara sighed, then gently placed his pupil on the floor.

"Of course," Plo-Koon agreed. "Take all the time you need." He hurried to catch up with Yoda. Obi-Wan heard him begin to say, "Mace can't actually be leaving us to deal with this clusterfu—'' Then the door closed, and Anakin was weeping at his bedside.

"Shh," Obi-Wan said, tugging his padawan up, ignoring the protestations of his abdomen. "There, there, it will be alright."

Anakin crawled up, movements ginger and uncertain around Obi-Wan's numerous injuries. Together, they somehow managed to shift Obi-Wan enough for Anakin to fit beside him. His padawan shook with suppressed sobs, and parts of him were almost certainly hanging awkwardly off the edge of the bed.

Obi-Wan ran one hand through Anakin's hair, the other hand gently resting where he could reach without twisting too much, probably an elbow, though the boy was pointy enough these days that he couldn't be sure. If Obi-Wan was also shaking, well. There was reason enough.

"Sheev," Anakin finally said, oozing misery and an overwhelming tangle of other unpleasant emotions into the force.

"...I know he was your friend—" Obi-Wan said, after what was hopefully not too long a pause. This was another conversation that probably wouldn't be helped by painkillers.

"But he wasn't, really." Anakin curled up, even more miserable. "I know. I should let go."

The side of Obi-Wan's head throbbed. On second thought, painkillers were the way to go here. "That's not what I meant," he said. "He was a friend to you. He's gone now. Because of me, your master. And... I'm sure you've found out a lot while I've been asleep. I can't imagine a single padawan learner who wouldn't be struggling with their emotions right now. I'm struggling."

"I'm angry," Anakin said into his side. "Master, I'm so full of anger."

"You think I wasn't?" Obi-Wan asked dryly.

Anakin hiccuped a sob. "I'm angry at everyone."

"It's alright, Anakin," Obi-Wan soothed. "You'll work through it in time. I'll be here to help, whenever you want. Even when I'm the one you're angry with."

Anakin sobbed another minute, force presence roiling, before finally pulling himself in with a deep breath, and wiping his nose on the sheets. "You looked so cool when you were angry," he mumbled into Obi-Wan's side.

"Oh force," Obi-Wan groaned. "Of course there was holofootage. Of course you watched."

"Are you... still angry?" Anakin asked.

Fuck.

Obi-Wan tried to think of the right answer for a padawan learner. His head throbbed again.

"Honestly? Right now I'm mostly just tired. I feel like I was run over by a pack of bantha. It's never a good idea to try and deal with large emotional gnarls while you're this exhausted, remember that my young padawan."

"You've been asleep for years," Anakin whined. "How are you still tired?"

"Years?" he asked, amused.

"At least three," Anakin huffed, curling up against him.

Obi-Wan stroked his hair in peaceful silence for a moment.

"...Did you really smash in his skull with a metal chair to protect me?"

"I would do a lot of things to protect you," he confessed. "I'm sorry Anakin — I should have talked with you when I grew concerned with his behavior. I felt at the time I had to act swiftly, but I worry I only caused you more pain."

"It was a really cool fight."

"...Thank you, padawan."

"Can you teach me how to choke people with my ankles like that?" he sniffled.

Obi-Wan groaned internally. "Of course, as a Jedi, violence—" 

"Violence is our last resort," Anakin interrupted. "Right, yeah —but if it is needed—"

"—Such as when someone," Obi-Wan said over him. "After careful consideration, is found to be both politically insulated and positioned to commit great further harm—"

"Actually, I think you, the person who killed my trusted friend, lecturing me on why he was ultra especially irredeemably evil is traumatizing, even more traumatizing than all those holo compilations of you —"

"Oh force above, of course there's — oh. Oh no — please don't tell me—"

"The latest Jizz music," Anakin said, far too gleeful.

Obi-Wan groaned. Unfortunately, the extra movement in his chest triggered an admittedly ghastly sounding coughing fit and Anakin immediately lost the small edge of grace he had managed to cultivate during their back and forth.

"Master?" he asked urgently. "Master — hold on — I'll go get—"

"I'm fine," Obi-Wan rasped. "Any more of that —"

Anakin was already scrambling to fetch the pitcher.

Such a good boy, he thought affectionately, watching him pour and carry over a glass with the same care others might have when handling molten gold.

Obi-Wan drank with a reciprocal amount of delicacy, knowing his padawan was watching falcon-eyed for any wasted drops.

"Perhaps we should finish this conversation a little later," Obi-Wan said, once his airways calmed down.

Coughing should not be this exhausting.

"Of course," Anakin said, subdued, but he crawled back into bed readily enough when Obi-Wan patted it.

“Really, though —” Obi-Wan started to say, feeling it was duty to try and wrap up the lesson, but he was fortunately cut off before he was forced to figure out exactly what that lesson was.

“It’s alright,” Anakin chimed comfortingly. “We have time to talk about it, master. Can’t you tell?”

“Hm?” Obi-Wan replied, fighting the droop of his eyelids. 

“The force clears,” Anakin said, voice sonorous. “The dark retreats.”

“Oh.” Obi-Wan’s eyes started falling closed. “That’s nice.”

“So we have time. To figure out the rest.”

 “Very nice,” Obi-Wan murmured.

His padawan curled against him, force presence like ocean waves rocking him to sleep.

“The force says it’s going to be alright,” Anakin whispered, wonderingly. “It’s going to be alright.”

Obi-Wan smiled, then once again slipped back to sleep.

[kiddokori]

babygirl,,,,,

[stellophile]

Hi. coming back to remind you that Jayce Talis isn't stupid, or a himbo. He's one of the smartest characters in the whole entire show. He developed an almost entirely new branch of science nearly on his own. He partnered with Viktor, who had been underestimated his entire life, because he could see intelligence. It ended up being one of the smartest choices he ever made. He picked up politics in like, a day. He might have hated every second of it, but he figured it out so damn fast he had Mel on her toes constantly. In fact, Mel and Viktor were both drawn to his intelligence. He spent god knows how long in that ravine and build a brace to aid is extremely broken leg out of nothing but the parts of his hammer.

Yes, he made dumb decisions. His choice to take on the chem-barons with Vi was not a well though out decision. But it was made based on emotions. He felt like he was doing the right thing. His choice to build weapons was also an emotional choice. That does not negate his intelligence. He is not dumb because he made dumb decisions.

But remember how he negotiated with Silco and brokered a peace that literally no one else on the council could figure out? Thats what happened when he combined his emotions with his insane intelligence. If it weren't for Jinx's bomb, there would have very likely been peace and Zaunite independence.

Acting on your emotions doesn't make you stupid. It makes you human.

[judgement-marshmallow]

//judgement ep 8 spoilers

"you let.. them.. take the fall?"

[chemilico]

imagine me throwing this at you like that one poster of that one animated Adam Sandler Christmas movie

[aroaceleovaldez]

underappreciated Nico detail that I like - he seems to be an angry crier! very frequently he's angry when he cries and he cries when he's extremely angry. very AuDHD of him. emotional regulation sucks my guy and he's just going through it.

[pulchrasilva]

Ok sfth fandom is crazy because I'll be watching an edit about all the love stories they've done, all the problems their characters have overcome thanks to and for the sake of their relationship, and the super emotional climax will be "I slutdrop for you!! :(" and I will be genuinely emotional about it. Girl they're talking about slutdropping at the clurb why are you crying

[cinnamonanddean]

Can we talk about Clark in his jersey with the Luthor Corp logo above his heart and Lex (who has never given one single solitary crap about Smallville High or football until Clark joined the team) in the stands watching him win the game? Like this is insane, right?

[momochimchim]

Did some studies today, the artist I studied is @mooumao on twt, the expressions they do looks just so cool and effortless like... I want that 👁👁

I'm bad at the thing, like proportions?? Idk but the space (? It ends looking weird, if art good then why so hard