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oh-phineas · 4 months ago

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Where's The Trophy? He Just Comes Rushing Over To Me | Phinnip

Date: Sunday 9 February/the early hours of Monday 10 February Featuring: @exsqueak-me Warnings: Some uncalled-for Tom Brady shade and self-indulgent football metaphors

PIP

Right, so this was a very bad idea!!!

But Pip was determined not to show that, especially not to Milo. In fact, Pip had tossed himself full-throated into denial that the Eagles winning was even a remote possibility. Sure, maybe he'd stayed up too late reading football articles and commentary, all of which said the Eagles had a shot, but what did THOSE experts know. Nothing!! He believed, if not in the Chiefs, then in Taylor Swift. This was her night.

That being said, he wasn't about to exist in a basement with Phineas in awkward, tense silence for several hours. Milo had been right about that. So-- damage control.

Pip did not immediately approach Phineas. But after about ten-ish minutes of Phineas putting food down, talking to some people, he went to fill a plate up with snacks of his own. That's when Pip swooped in.

"Hey, do you have a sec?"

PHINEAS

Phineas knew he shouldn’t have come as soon as he got there and saw Pip. The memories of the previous evening flooded back to him, the absolute shitshow. Did Pip know Phineas had yelled at Mushu? That talking to Mim had almost made him cry? Maybe he could chalk it up to some temporary mania, because it didn’t make any sense, to Phineas or to anyone else.

He arrived with a tray of chili nachos and a case of Bud Light and spend the first ten minutes of the party avoiding Pip. Until he could avoid Pip no longer.

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Phineas said, giving a wave to one of Milo’s friends that Phineas had been chatting with. “Do you wanna, uh, here? Or…”

PIP

"Oh yeah, here is fine," said Pip quickly. If they like, snuck off, people would think something was up.

And nothing was up! Seriously, nothing was up. Phineas and Pip were not friends or business partners, but that didn't mean they couldn't exist in the same room as each other.

That was the mission of this conversation.

"I just-- wanted to make sure you knew I was cool with you being here," said Pip. "I'm sure Milo said so, but figured you should hear it from me so we wouldn't like, I dunno, be weird around each other."

PHINEAS

Was this a trap?

Phineas looked around furtively. Milo was off with friends clearly engrossed in conversation, and no one else seemed to be listening to this conversation. Was Pip really as chill about it as he seemed?

Somehow, that thought was even more anxiety-inducing to Phineas than the idea that this was some kind of trick. Because if Pip really didn't care at all…

He forced a smile.

"Yeah, no, of course," Phineas said, trying to sound breezy. "Uh, sorry if I was being weird last night. Fuckin' Skip yelling in my ear always gets me on edge."

PIP

The apology came out of nowhere. Pip blinked-- and felt himself flush. Phineas hadn't been weird at all, honestly. It was Pip who had arrived at the table hostile, ready for a fight. Phineas tried to be normal. Phineas wanted to make conversation. Pip had been a bitch.

Looking back, he was embarrassed, a feeling that also made him want to pick another fight, but that was the opposite of what he was here to do! "What? You weren't weird. It was fine." A pause. Pip squirmed. "I mean, I was a bitch if anything. But I won't be a bitch tonight. We can just-- be two people with a mutual friend in common."

PHINEAS

Two people with a mutual friend in common. Somehow, that was even more depressing.

It was also confusing to Phineas. Pip had been kind of rude, yeah, and he'd refused to talk to Phineas. And then he'd gone and kissed Mushu (seriously, who kissed people at speed dating? Still, Phineas was going to be normal about this). But Phineas was the one who had flipped out.

Was it really possible that Pip hadn't heard about that? Was it the right thing to do, to tell him?

Nahhhh.

"Um, yeah, okay," he said. "You weren't a bitch. You were mad at me. Which, like, I get. I was just hoping we could still, like, talk."

PIP

Despite himself, Pip found Phineas's answer annoying. God, why was he being so nice? Why was he letting Pip off the hook? Why did he want to pretend everything was fine when it wasn't?

See, that was the difference between Phineas and Pip. Pip cared too much. He was never a half-measure kind of guy. But Phineas? Phineas didn't actually care at all. He figured Pip should be over Build a brand by now.

No, no, be chill… Pip warned himself.

"I just don't think we have a lot to talk about anymore, that's all," said Pip, trying to keep the edge out of his voice.

PHINEAS

Phineas nodded, and he contemplated walking away. Sure, okay. They didn't have anything to talk about anymore. They could go sit on opposite ends of the room and root for opposite teams and be perfectly civil with each other in a way that came naturally to neither of them.

Well, maybe that wasn't true. Maybe Pip had grown up and Phineas hadn't, and things that were still hard for Phineas were easy for Pip now. Maybe they had changed and grown apart and-

Mim had said that wasn't true. That Pip still cared a lot. And Phineas couldn't really shake that, even if he logically thought Mim was probably full of shit.

"Pip, I…" He grasped for something to say, anything. An excuse to keep talking. "I'm, uh, having some thoughts about Build a Brand. About, uh, the future of the company. I thought you should know."

PIP

Pip blinked rapidly at that, pulling his head back. "What? Like you care what I think?"

Whoops.

It was completely kneejerk. Pip's ears were hot under his carefully styled hair. Of all topics of conversation, he figured Phineas wouldn't bring up Build a Brand. That he wouldn't have the guts.

PHINEAS

Maybe that was the wrong thing to say at this party that was supposed to be fun and chill, an excuse to eat nachos and yell at the TV. But if Pip was really committed to giving him the cold shoulder, when was Phineas going to get the chance to talk to him again?

Okay, if he was being totally honest, maybe he just wanted to get Pip's attention. He hadn't decided for sure, yet, that he was selling the company…

He did want to know what Pip would think, though, now that they were talking about it.

"Well, I do," Phineas said honestly. "I'm, uh… I don't think I can really trust Axel anymore. He doesn't understand the company's, like, DNA the way you do."

PIP

Granted, the best way to keep Pip from walking away right now would be to insult Axel.

"Uh, no shit," Pip said quickly. "I told you that guy didn't know anything."

Though Phineas had practically fallen in love with that guy. So what had happened? What did Axel do? What did Phineas do? Pip wanted to ask but then it would look like he cared more than he did (he cared. He cared a lot).

PHINEAS

"I mean, he's a decent business guy, but in the way that kind of makes him a shitty person," Phineas said. "I realized I didn't actually want to be anything like him."

He was silent for a moment. And then he blurted it out. "Um, I'm thinking about maybe selling the company. If I can get a buyer. And I think I have a good lead."

PIP

Pip's thoughts screeched to a halt.

"You're thinking about what?" The last word erupted out of him like a cannonball, echoing through the room. Several people looked over at them, but Pip just went slack-jawed. "You-- can't be serious? Why?!" Another cannonball.

PHINEAS

Strike two. Another wrong thing to say.

But hey, this wasn't baseball. In football, you got four attempts.

"We had this guest speaker come to our class. She was telling us about her first business, how she went into business with her friend and it kind of fell apart, and she ended up selling it and going corporate, and it didn't sound like the worst life," Phineas explained. "But if you think I shouldn't, like, you can tell me. I just don't really think I can keep going with Axel, and I don't think I can go on alone either. But I don't want to make you think I'm trying to get you to come back or anything. This isn't, like, a game. You made your choice and I respect it. I just thought you should know."

PIP

"Wait wait wait wait wait--"

Pip once again shook his head like a dog, as if he could dislodge the crazy from his ears. Okay, seriously, WTF had Axel done to Phineas? What kind of brainwashing gaslighting manipulative bullshit--

"Are you telling me you want to go corporate? Phineas Flynn suddenly wants to like, get hired by Google?"

PHINEAS

"No!" Phineas said quickly, and maybe a little too loudly. "I'm not gonna work for Google. I don't know what I wanna do, honestly. Maybe I need to take some time and, like,travel or something. But what I'm doing right now isn't working. That's all I know."

PIP

Pip was about .5 seconds away from calling the emergency line and getting Phineas tested for like, a brain tumor or parasite or concussion or something. That was how out of character a Phineas working in corporate life came across to him. Thankfully, Phineas rectified this misunderstanding before drastic measures were taken.

He let out a short sigh of relief. "Well-- good, don't do that. I mean, work for Google, not sell Build a Brand."

Selling Build a Brand. The words echoed in the air. They tasted weird. It didn't…Pip wasn't sure how he felt about it. He wanted to tell Phineas not to do it, but he had no good reason to. He wasn't going to go back. Even if Axel hadn't forced Pip out, he would have quit at some point. He had long ago stopped doing Build a Brand for the company.

He had been doing it for Phineas.

Maybe that was why-- now it felt like Phineas wanted to sell off the last piece of Pip he had.

The feeling burned. He swallowed. "I mean-- if you really do feel like… you're done with the company…then, yeah, you should sell it. That's what entreprenuers do, they-- create but that doesn't mean they're always the best CEOs. You could use the money for something else." Something with no ties to Pip at all.

PHINEAS

The scary thing was, maybe Phineas was going to work for Google. Or InterPride. Or something like that. Maybe letting go of this business idea meant he would be forced into a quiet, corporate life where he clocked out and went home and tried not to think about work too much, like most adults in the workforce.

It was antithetical to everything Phineas had ever wanted for himself. But he didnt have a clear picture of the future at all. So maybe he had to consider it.

After all, it looked like Pip probably wasn’t in his future. So everything was upside down.

“Uh, yeah. That was another thing,” Phineas said. “I probably need to figure that out. I never actually gave Axel an ownership stake, so unless you formally wanted out, it’s kind of your money too.” He paused. “Hypothetically, obviously. If I can sell.”

PIP

His money.

Pip had not, for one second, thought about getting a cut. Which he absolutely should have-- because god, depending on who bought it, that could be a lot of money right?? He doubted that Build a Brand would be a huge deal like most of the popular apps (they'd never even built an app-- that had been a pipe dream in a five year plan). How much would it go for? 10k? …20k? …More? Or way less?

Pip shut the train of thought down fast. Money had plagued him so long, he couldn't rely on that shit. He had to keep his eye on his target, stick close to the budget he set up for himself. Not get distracted. That's what this was.

"I-- you don't have to do that," Pip said, a little bit not believing the words were coming out of his mouth. "Technically, I gave you the idea, years ago. I think my exact words were like, free idea to a good home or whatever." No, those weren't his exact words, it had been the sentiment.

PHINEAS

Phineas knew what Axel would say. Take the money and run (and maybe kick him a couple K, since he was basically a partner even if not officially). Don’t worry about Pip. He’d probably even claim Pip wouldn’t be smart enough to know to ask for it, even though Phineas did not think that was true.

That was why Phineas wasn’t going to Axel about this. All Axel cared about, Phineas was realizing, was money. The lofty ideas about vision and creativity and changing the world were just window dressing for what he really wanted, which was to make a lot of money with as little effort as possible.

Phineas couldn’t be that cynical. Even after everything. He still wanted to believe there was something special about Build a Brand. And that there was something special about this thing between them, even if it was over.

“I think legally I do,” Phineas said. “But it’s not about that. This was our thing, and- anyway, we don’t have to figure it out now. We can talk about it once I actually make the deal. It’s all pretty up in the air right now.”

PIP

The more Phineas talked about money, the more upset Pip felt. He didn't understand that. He should be jumping up and down for joy! Money!!! was literally the thing Pip needed more than anything right now!! Who cared if it was out of some legal obligation, it was MONEY!

So why did it hurt? God, he just needed to get out of this conversation.

"Uh, okay," Pip said quickly. "Thanks for letting me know, I guess."

PHINEAS

“Yeah. No problem,” Phineas replied, suddenly feeling awkward again. There was a silence. Phineas would have filled it with anything, even something objectively stupid, like asking Pip if he wanted to make a bet on what color Patrick Mahomes was going to wear in his walk-in outfit.

But Pip had said they didn’t have anything to say to each other, and even if Mim said that wasn’t true, now probably wasn’t the time to test that. Not when Phineas didn’t even think he should be here in the first place.

“Uh, I’m gonna go, uh, find Mikey again. He wanted to talk about our presentation for tomorrow.”

PIP

Pip had wanted this conversation to be short. And here it was: the end. Only Phineas called it, not Pip. Only Pip had no clue that this conversation would also mean the end of Build a Brand forever as well.

Okay, don't be dramatic. He might not even find a buyer. And who cares? Not you. You have other dreams.

Pip still felt like he'd missed a step on the stair. He cleared his throat a little. "Oh yeah, cool. I need to like, get in proper Chiefs cheering mode anyway. I'm extremely outnumbered here."

PHINEAS

That, temporarily, caught Phineas off guard. “Wait, you’re rooting for the Chiefs?” Phineas said. “I mean, I get not rooting for a team at all, but isn’t Milo, like, die-hard for the Eagles? Are y’all in a fight or something?”

PIP

Oh shit.

Look, in his defense, Phineas was just supposed to fuck off! "No," Pip said quickly. "No, I uh--I'm doing this for Taylor Swift, obviously," Pip blurted. He pffted. "I mean, if the Chiefs win, she's like, either going to get engaged or announce Reputation TV, it's a very big deal."

PHINEAS

Oh right. Phineas had honestly kind of forgotten about that. He didn’t know a ton about football or Taylor Swift. His main source on the latter was…

Pip.

“Oh, right. You really think so?” he asked. “I guess you know more about this stuff than me. I’m just here for Kendrick. And, like, the commercials.”

PIP

"Wait, I thought you loved football. You're always talking about it with Milo," Pip said, blinking.

…Was he wrong? He thought… this party was something…Phineas wanted to go to. He wouldn't have DM'd Milo if he knew Phineas didn't care about football!

PHINEAS

“Uh, I mean, I’ll get in on it if Milo’s excited about it. But I’m more of a baseball guy,” he said with a shrug. “Milo was pretty persistent about this, so I figured it’d make him happy, and it’d be fun. But I don’t really care who wins. I was kind of rooting for the Eagles for Milo’s sake, but yeah.”

PIP

Baseball, the other ball sport. Goddamnit! You mean he could have avoided this entire thing if he just knew the difference between football and baseball?? Here Pip thought he was being nice and the bigger person and ensuring that Milo had all his fellow Philly fans around him but… nooooo, he was just a dumbass.

Pip was blushing again, but hopefully, the low light from the basement hid that fact. "Oh-- well-- great! Good! Have fun. I mean, I'm here for Milo too, obviously. Even if I'm cheering for the Chiefs. Still. Don't think too much about it. Anyway-- I'm starving!" Pip turned to the table of food.

PHINEAS

Pip’s demeanor seemed to have shifted. Had Phineas said something weird?

“Uh- yeah, same,” Phineas said. “Anyway, I’ll keep you posted on everything.”

PIP

"Uh-huh, yup, sounds good." Pip began to pile up nachos on his plate. When in doubt, stuff his mouth. Then he couldn't say anything stupid! Fool proof strategy, had never steered him wrong.

~~~~ Halftime: Eagles, 24; Chiefs, 0 ~~~~

PHINEAS

This game was kind of boring, honestly. Phineas was happy for Milo and all, but it wasn't even close. He'd spent most of the first half trolling strangers on Twitter about their prop bets (not that he really understood the ones that incorporated actual football terminology).

Kendrick had killed it, though, just like Phineas had hoped he would. Once the performance wrapped up, Phineas went upstairs to use the bathroom. And on the way down…

"Oh, fuck, sorry!" Phineas said, looking up from his phone. "I really shouldn't tweet and walk down the stairs, I- oh, hey, Pip."

PIP

Ah, if it wasn't the person he was trying to frantically run away from, but in a very cool and stealthy manner, ofc.

Pip grew stiff, eyes darting back toward the couch. Milo had indeed, locked onto him now that it was a commercial. Damnit. Now he was never going to get out of this room.

…but maybe he didn't have to.

He just had to convince Phineas to leave.

"Oh no, no problem. You headed out then?" Pip said casually.

PHINEAS

"Nah, I mean, it's pretty late, but I don't have class until noon tomorrow anyway. And I wanna see what color Gatorade they pour on the coach at the end. I have twenty quid on that," Phineas said. He didn't consider that Pip might be trying to leave. This was his house, after all.

PIP

"Oh, I can just text that to you," said Pip, waving a hand like it was no big deal at all, this offer to text, after a month of silence! Actually, Pip had blocked Phineas's number but.. he'd figure that out in a second. One problem at a time! "I mean, this game-- it sucks, right?"

PHINEAS

Phineas was still half-smiling, trying not to look too freaked out by this random run-in with Pip, but he was getting the sense that Pip maybe wanted him to leave. Was Phineas overstaying his welcome? Both Pip and Milo had said it was fine he was here, but maybe they were only hoping he would stay until halftime…

"I mean, kind of, yeah, but the commercials are fun," Phineas said. "I'm still having a good time. But, uh, if it's getting weird that I'm still here…"

PIP

The easiest way to get rid of Phineas was, indeed, to tell him to leave. Claim that he'd change his mind. He was going to be a bitch, actually. He thought Phineas would have gotten the hint by now, etc etc.

But that would just cause a scene and Milo would get mad at him and-- well, Pip really didn't want to see Phineas get all sad-eyed again. It made him feel like a monster who kicked puppies. He was a monster, but he was firmly pro-puppy.

"No, no, I just-- figured since you said you weren't into this whole thing…" he trailed off.

PHINEAS

Maybe it wasn't that Pip wanted him to leave. Maybe Pip felt awkward because he thought Phineas felt awkward…

Which was another thought he hated. He and Pip didn't usually dance around each other's feelings like this. They were usually pretty honest with each other. But lately, everything was so upside-down.

"Honestly, I'm having a really good time. I'm glad I came. I think you were right. This doesn't have to be weird. We can just… coexist," Phineas explained. "Like, really, don't worry about me. Milo's being a great host."

PIP

Oh great, he had gotten Phineas on board with his co-existence. This should feel like a win, but Pip glanced back at the TV just as Patrick Mahomes eats grass. Again.

"Oh come on, aren't you supposed to be good at this sport?!" Pip uncharacteristically shouts from across the room, temporarily forgetting he needs to be playing it 'cool.' Pip whirls back on Phineas. "This guy is like, TRYING to lose!"

PHINEAS

"It is kind of weird, right? I haven't been paying much attention to this season, but he's supposed to be really good, I've heard," Phineas commented. "Guess he's just having a bad day. Happens to the best of us. I guess Taylor Swift's not too pleased."

PIP

"He's not supposed to be good, he's supposed to be GREAT. Like, the best quarterback in the whole frikkin' sport!" Pip exclaimed, suddenly a football expert actually. Well, he had crammed for this-- forcing as much season knowledge into his brain to feel good about the Chiefs winning. "Like, they won most of their games, NOW they're flopping? Now? Today?!"

PHINEAS

"Trust me, I've been there. Don't even get me started on the 2008 White Sox. I mean, granted, I was six at the time, but I swear I remember the crushing disappointment of getting to the World Series and then totally getting your ass handed to you," Phineas sighed, shaking his head. Maybe it was the acknowledgement that they were good and things were not weird, or maybe it was the easy small talk (to Phineas) that was sports talk, but Phineas was actually starting to relax a little. "Have you been watching much this season? I didn't think you were that into American football."

PIP

"This is so not the same thing! This-- this is life or death!" Pip exclaimed, his eyes going even wider as they once again fumbled the ball. "OH MY GOD, LEARN HOW TO THROW. THIS IS YOUR JOB, YOU WHORE."

PHINEAS

There was really only one explanation of this to Phineas, which was that Pip was being a dramatic Swiftie on purpose to try and make people laugh, maybe to give people something more exciting to watch than Travis Kelce missing yet another catch. So he didn't feel bad laughing.

"Dude, it'll be okay. I'm sure Taylor'll be fine," he said, amused.

PIP

Pip looked back at Phineas frantically, his face flashing with confusion. Fuck, right-- Taylor-- yup-- he just had to play along.

"How do you know that? This is so embarrassing, I'd just break up with Travis after this shitshow if I were her," he blurted.

PHINEAS

Phineas raised an eyebrow, still amused. "That'd be a pretty shitty week for Travis Kelce. Lost the superbowl and his superstar girlfriend. But I think she'll stick by him," he said, turning his gaze toward the TV again, which showed a very sour-looking Andy Reid. "I guess his coach might break up with him, though."

PIP

Pip squirmed. Yes, Taylor and Travis might survive the night. But Pip would not. He glanced at the screen again just as -- oh my god, oh my god-- a touchdown from the Chiefs!

Pip shrieked and a hand shot out to grab Phineas's arm on instinct, as if he might fall down on the floor without some kind of anchor. "YES, FUCK, THANK FINALLY!"

PHINEAS

Phineas grinned, instinctively reaching out with his other hand to Pip’s shoulder to steady him. And then they were facing each other, almost like they were dancing, and Phineas’s ears went pink.

“Uh- fuck yeah,” Phineas said, dropping his hands just as quickly and shoving them in his pockets. “Game might be getting good again. You should probably grab a seat,” he said, nodding toward the TV everyone was clustered around.

PIP

A shock went through Pip's body, first as Phineas grabbed his other shoulder, and then again when their mets met.

Phineas quickly stepped away. So did Pip. And with that, escape felt extremely far away. All he wanted to do was run up the stairs but he'd absolutely clue everyone in on something being up.

He swallowed and glanced back at the TV. "You-- you actually think the Chiefs could still win?"

PHINEAS

Phineas’s heart was still beating like crazy, which he had no explanation for. “Uhhhh…” Phineas stammered. “I mean, maybe, yeah. If they could just-“

Phineas cringed as the kicker missed the extra point. “Yikes. Well, uh, they just need to score thirty more points now. In… a little over fifteen minutes?.”

PIP

Thirty points and fifteen minutes!!! Yes, that was possible. Miracles happened every day. That was the thing about sport, right? You get momentum and boom, you were back on top.

Pip had to believe this. He had to. There was no other alternative.

"Totally," said Pip. He nodded once. "…Well uh-- yeah, I guess I better cheer on my men! The vibes in here are rancidly pro bird," said Pip. And with that he peeled away, half his brain trapped in prayer, the other half still trying to figure out how he could master the art of teleportation before the last two minutes of the game.

PHINEAS

"Alright- I gotta go see about a Gatorade situation. Team purple, baby," Phineas replied, scanning the room for just about anyone else to talk to. And there was Morgan from Pizza Planet— thank god for Morgan from Pizza Planet. "Yo! Morg!" he said, and then he was off, paying very little attention to whatever was going on in the game. He'd check back in at the two-minute warning.

~~~~ Eagles, 40; Chiefs, 22 ~~~~

PIP

Around five minutes until the end, Pip also stopped watching the game. He stared at the clock instead, each second ticking down another grain of sand. Tick, tick, tick. Four minutes. Three minutes. It was like some kind of fucked up New Year's Eve redo, only this time, instead of shattering what was left of his relationship with Phineas, he was supposed to-- to--

ERRRR ERROR ERROR. He couldn't even think it, his brain ran into a wall.

Two minutes.

Everyone started cheering. They were jumping up and down, getting off the couch, throwing popcorn. Two minutes, but everyone was already celebrating like the game was over. Was the game over?! Pip didn't dare ask because just how desperate was he going to look, then, if he stood up with 1:38 to spare and demanded everyone give the Chiefs another chance--

The Eagles won.

The Chiefs lost.

Pip glanced at Milo and saw Milo staring at him, looking mildly scared. He fucking should be. Pip figured the only way out of this was to smother Milo with a pillow.

Or.

Pip surged up from the couch, fueled by sheer adrenaline. He started shouting along with everyone. He jumped, pumping his fist, passing Milo as he hopped his way toward the other side of the couch. Their eyes met again, Pip's wide and frantic, but he kept cheering! "GO BIRDS! GO BIRDS! GO BIRDS!" He arrived at Phineas's side, who was also already cheering along with everyone else. "YAYYYYYYYYYYYY FOOTBALL--"

He grabbed Phineas's face and before he could hesitate, or smash their foreheads together in a concussion, Pip kissed him.

PHINEAS

Phineas was kind of bummed about losing his Gatorade bet (he was so sure that it would be purple for Mardi Gras, but he guessed yellow was also technically a Mardi Gras color). He was happy for all of the Eagles fans in the room, though, and when the team started rushing the field, it was easy to get caught up in the excitement of it all.

Phineas started cheering too and threw an arm around Mikey. "They did it!" Phineas shouted, just basking in the beauty of the power of sports to bring people together.

He didn't notice Pip at first. But that voice was unmistakable, cutting through the noise, a voice Phineas could probably even pick out of the Broad Street mega-crowd. It was easy. It was Pip.

Why was he yelling Go Birds, though? Hadn't he, not thirty minutes ago, been panicking that the Chiefs were beyond saving?

Maybe it was just the fact that it was nearly four AM, the delirium of being sleep-deprived and tipsy and surrounded by Eagles fans. Phineas turned to tease him about it, when suddenly, Pip grabbed his face.

And kissed him.

Phineas's eyes closed and for a moment it was just screaming and the Eagles fight song and Pip's sweet scent (he always smelled good) and soft lips and warm breath. And for a moment Phineas's brain shut completely off and this actually made sense, it made the most sense. And for a moment, Phineas reached a hand up maybe to grab Pip's face back—

And then someone started an "MVP! MVP!" chant and Phineas pulled away, flushed and shaky and looking guilty, like he was Tom Brady caught red-handed with an underdeflated football (iykyk). But there was a lot more proof to this fact than there was to a certain NFL conspiracy theory.

Phineas had wanted that. Maybe he'd wanted that for a long time. Maybe that was the pounding in his chest, the pink in his cheeks when he'd grabbed Pip's arm earlier. Maybe that was the sinking feeling that Pip was leaving forever.

What the fuck? "Uhhh…" Phineas stammered, at a loss for words as he processed this new information.

PIP

Hullo, it's me again-- Dame Julie Andrews! It has been quite some time since I've stepped into the recording booth to narrate Philip Seville's inner monologue. As you might recall, Pip often disassociated when faced with huge feelings, whether positive or negative. This was one such time-- because really, is there any bigger feeling than kissing the boy you like?

You must be wondering-- what was it like? How did Pip feel? Were there trumpets? Fireworks? A Greek chorus?

Unfortunately, I can't tell you! In fact, I'm narrating this reply because Pip proceeded to black out entirely. Oh, physically, he was standing up, hands fiercely clamped on Phineas's red, red cheeks, kissing Phineas with the gusto that only Philip Seville could muster! But otherwise, it was indeed a kiss like a concussion. It happened very quickly. And then Pip was coming up for air again.

Oh! It looks like he's back! I'll let Pip take over from here.

Phineas pulled away first.

Pip expected that. He'd planned for it, because it would be a little bit like getting shot through the chest if he hadn't. Phineas, obviously, did not want to kiss Pip. Pip had prepared for that inevitability too and quickly launched into Phase Two.

"YAYYYY!" Pip screeched again, turning to the next nearest body. He grabbed Bram by the collar of his shirt and pulled him down to smack a fresh one on him!

Then he whirled around for his next target-- Mikey! "GO BIRDS!" Pip said again, and then smooched him too!

PHINEAS

Phineas stared at Pip, waiting for him to say something so that Phineas wouldn’t have to. But he didn’t.

And then Pip kissed Bram. And Mikey. And Phineas flushed a deeper shade of red, feeling extremely stupid for his reaction.

Pip was obviously sleep-deprived and delirious. He’d forgotten which team he was even rooting for. He was kissing everyone in sight. It didn’t mean anything, and the fact that Phineas wanted to yank him away from Mikey and kiss him again was fucking weird and he needed to stop going down this rabbit hole of what his “feelings” for Pip were before that rabbit hole led somewhere extremely weird.

But he couldn’t stop himself, replaying every little interaction and feeling, the way losing Pip as a business partner felt like a breakup. He liked Pip. He liked Pip.

And Pip didn’t like him back. He was just kissing everyone in sight because of sports ball.

In the chaos of the celebration, Phineas hoped no one saw him leave without saying goodbye. Pip probably wouldn’t remember this, anyway.

#alternate title of this was #so happy my travy made it to the big game #anyone anyone #pip #wheres the trophy he just comes rushing over to me

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