#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting

[icewindandboringhorror]

I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

[shygryf]

Getting to know each other

15 years ago I was just as into memes as I am now only I did them on Facebook and myspace. this one came up in my memories. I have posted my original answers and a clean version. I have added my current answers in green. below, there is a clean version if you want to answer yourself. Please tag me if you do so I can see your answers!

What time did you get up this morning? 8 5

How do you like your steak? medium rare

What was the last film you saw at the cinema HBP with T[redacted] 10 Things I Hate About You for the 25th anniversary with my BFFL Buttercup

What is your favorite TV show? Stargate SG-1 Still love SG1, but currently desperately waiting for season 2 of dungeon meshi

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Tucson, somewhere with air. I now have air and still live in Tucson

What did you have for breakfast ? Coco roos French Dip

What is your favorite cuisine? Italian

What foods do you dislike? most vegtables, mexican peppers

Favorite Place to Eat? bed. lol actually any place with good people Still true lol. I have come to really look forward to weekly dinner with my friend Mark

Favorite dressing? Ranch

What kind of vehicle do you drive? 1988 Chrysler LeBaron Convertible 2013 Toyota Corolla

What are your favorite clothes? around the house: my ratty red target t shirt (which i'm wearing), ratty shorts leaving the house :saphire blue T, black capris something special: black/white/silver kimonoesque top (a/n it's a faux wrap top with kimono sleeves, I knew better then don't know why i called it that ) my current favorite is my Desert Sunset skirt from @mayakern for work and dress, my favorite loungewear is my pac man nightshirt

Where would you visit if you had the chance? UK

Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? depends where it started. if it started full its half empty started empty half full

Where would you want to retire? Here

Favorite time of day? late late night I still love it i just can't see it anymore I fall asleep very early

Where were you born? TMC

What is your favorite sport to watch? Wildcat Basketball Hockey

Who do you think will not tag you back? doesn't matter

Person you expect to tag you back first? see above

Who are you most curious about their responses to this? any one who does this I’m very nosy (keeping A[redacted]'s answer)

Bird watcher? in dove season lol

Are you a morning person or a night person? night

Pets? sigh 3 cats 2 dogs (A/N I had just lost my cat Taco, my first cat who was really mine) I have 3 cats and one dog now, none of them the same.

Any new and exciting news that you'd like to share? I have prescription sunglasses and they are old lady glasses I have clean floors and got my curtains hung up finally after a year of owning this house

What did you want to be when you were little? it changed a lot.

What is your best childhood memory? spoons at the Hacienda during quiet time Still a great memory but i am now missing my Dad and my brother and some of our happier times together

Are you a cat or dog person? both they are better together

Are you married? nope

Always wear your seat belt? as often as i can

Been in a car accident? several even more now

Any pet peeves? Liars

Favorite pizza topping? bacon

Favorite Flower? White roses

Favorite ice cream? Phish food Also now Mint moose tracks

Favorite fast food restaurant? Eegees though if i;m actually eating Little cesar's dear god what was I thinking!? Graze aka the hipster burger place is my favorite currently

How many times did you fail your driver's test? 4.

From whom did you get your last email? work AO3

Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? i wouldn't unless someone else was paying it off

Do anything spontaneous lately? took the dogs to the park by myself not for like a week

Like your job? I wish i could get more hours but otherwise it is perfect (a/n it was a terrible job and they strung me along for years before giving me more hours but still not 40) If I have to work my job isn't terrible. my bosses have my back and i'm finally bonding with a few people from work even if they aren't actually coworkers

Broccoli? Nope

What was your favorite vacation? Road trip with my parents Road trip with my mom

Last person you went out to dinner with? thinks back thinks harder My family CeCe's Pizza Last Monday went to a fancy italian place with Mark

What are you listening to right now? "I loved her first" Lonestar The A/C and my keyboard

What is your favorite color? Purple

How many tattoos do you have? none I've gotten 3 but the third is a coverup for the first

How many are you tagging for this quiz? 6 total. J[redacted]and A[redacted] came late to the party Not tagging anyone everyone is welcome

What time did you finish this quiz 2:01pm 4:28PM

50. Coffee drinker?ETA sorry missed this one. not at all

What time did you get up this morning?

How do you like your steak?

What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

What is your favorite TV show?

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?

What did you have for breakfast?

What is your favorite cuisine?

What foods do you dislike?

Favorite Place to Eat?

Favorite dressing?

What kind of vehicle do you drive?

What are your favorite clothes?

Where would you visit if you had the chance?

Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?

Where would you want to retire?

Favorite time of day?

Where were you born?

What is your favorite sport to watch?

Who do you think will not tag you back?

Person you expect to tag you back first?

Who are you most curious about their responses to this?

Bird watcher?

Are you a morning person or a night person?

Pets?

Any new and exciting news that you'd like to share?

What did you want to be when you were little?

What is your best childhood memory?

Are you a cat or dog person?

Are you married?

Always wear your seat belt?

Been in a car accident?

Any pet peeves?

Favorite pizza topping?

Favorite Flower?

Favorite ice cream?

Favorite fast food restaurant?

How many times did you fail your driver's test?

From whom did you get your last email?

Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?

Do anything spontaneous lately?

Like your job?

Broccoli?

What was your favorite vacation?

Last person you went out to dinner with?

What are you listening to right now?

What is your favorite color?

How many tattoos do you have?

How many are you tagging for this quiz?

What time did you finish this quiz

Coffee drinker?

[curious-glitch]

Advice Porn, Doomscrolling, and Achieving Greatness

I just read the Paul Graham mega-essay on 'How to Do Great Work'

It was brilliant as always. My key takeaway - follow your curiosity and act earnestly, and everything else will fall into place. It also largely validates my long-held ideas to lean into what makes me weird while being intellectually honest with myself.

My bigger meta takeaway is that I get too hung up on the comfort of advice porn. It feels good to read something that validates my beliefs on how the world works and how to achieve success. Today it's Paul Graham, yesterday it was Kevin Kelly. The other day it was Tim Ferriss. They all say the right things, and they all gel with my world view, and I feel great after hearing them. But how does that translate to what I do?

This brings me to the other gem from the essay that struck me:

"Just as we overestimate what we can do in a day and underestimate what we can do over several years, we overestimate the damage done by procrastinating for a day and underestimate the damage done by procrastinating for several years."

I'm definitely guilty of this. I keep putting off stuff that I wanted to do from years ago. I read my notes from 8, 9, 10 years ago, and my aspirations are still largely the same - establish a writing outlet, do master's, work in a tech company, start a business... I'm lucky to have a good idea of what I want to do, so why not do it? This is especially striking when I see people like the environmental science guy, or the Data Machines lady, or even my artist friend Miggy, who 8 years ago was struggling in the same office as me, and now dominating the art scene as Distort Monsters. These are mostly my peers and they have gone so far and achieved so much. I won't deny that there's a hint of envy for what they have achieved, but it's also inspiring, and it makes me want to get started with my own projects, especially the creative ones.

But this is where discipline has to come in.

The doomscrolling death spiral still torments me as the ultimate productivity leech. I spend hours and hours swiping down the Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter newsfeeds. It makes me feel bad about not accomplishing things, which makes me want to scroll through the feeds again as a temporary salve. I can feel my attention span and focus getting dangerously short. Whenever I steel myself for a focused activity, I keep getting tempted. I've tried to purge these apps from my phone (and that helps quite a lot!) but I keep going back to them. Plus there are other sources of distraction that sap my attention, like Youtube and NFTs. It almost makes playing games and watching shows (who others may consider pure time sucks) as productive because I at least complete something while focusing on an activity. So I have to keep reminding myself - boulders > rocks > pebbles > sand

Having said all these, I believe that I'm getting better with acting on my dreams. I follow an okay cadence of writing once a day, walking over 12K steps everyday, hearing mass once a week, completing one book a month, and publishing one post per month as well. I'm doing alright with my teaching job and relationships. I am eating less, sleeping a bit better, and working out more. My biggest hack to get to these goals is a simple one: listening to audiobooks and podcasts while walking and working out, while taking in the view and the air and the sunlight, while taking occasional notes along the way. It's a four-birds-one-stone activity that relaxes me and enlivens me while also making me feel like I'm cheating time.

Where I have to improve is the follow-through. Another hack that works well for me here is to use good 'ol pen and paper as a way to organize my thoughts and connect the dots. Then I have to do a much better job to convert these raw notes into longer-form writings that I could use, share, and publish. I have to put more of myself out into the world. I need to keep reorienting my focus outward rather than inward. Yes, I should still create for myself, but with the motivation of benefiting others (like having an idea click so I could share them more convincingly) rather than out of vanity. I should keep imbibing the value of consistency, to direct my tendency for inertia in a positive direction - as a way to build momentum rather than a reason to be static.

[soft-october-night]

The Love Interests in the Works of Jane Austen: An Assessment

This is an "extremely scientific" and "thoroughly researched" ranking based on personality, money, family and connections, and is a bit of a blend between the book characterizations and the film characterizations (and is in no way only based on my own opinions). Here we go, grouped by book but not much else.

Edmund Bertram: absolute trash. His family has treated you unbelievably shitty since day one and not only has he BARELY noticed, he ALSO has treated you shitty. Will fall in love with someone beautiful and fun and when she dumps him will come crawling to you for a rebound. His passion for you is so lackluster that even the esteemed author who wrote about it barely spared a paragraph on your relationship. Has a job but only because his dad owns the land the church is built on. You’ll gain no connections or family by marrying him, since he’s literally your cousin.  0/10

Henry Crawford: There IS such thing as too much fun, and that is never clearer than in this man, who will try to seduce you as a game, freak out when his middling overtures don’t work and then try and seduce you “for really real” this time. You will definitely move up in the world if you marry him, and if you play your cards right it seems like his sister is also just REALLY into you, so see how that goes. Life will be pretty okay until you find him in bed with one (or more, who knows) of your relations. 3/10, 8/10 if you’re into that

John Willoughby: Will be like something out of a romance novel, you’re thinking he’s going to propose and then he just fucking ghosts you and embarrasses the fuck out of you at a party by acting like he doesn’t know you. Somehow marry him (congrats on the inheritance you must have, btw) and get ready to take a backseat to the whims of his aunt for as long as she lives. 1/10, at least you get to live in a nice house.

Edward Ferrars: Oh Edward. He’s a bit of a mess, isn’t he? Super kind, your family loves him, he made a bunch of stupid decisions in his youth that are coming back to bite him in the ass. He is loyal to an absolute fault, but you luck out when his fiance turns out to be a bit of a gold digger and dumps him when his mom disowns him. He doesn’t have a job and neither do you, but his family doesn’t wanna speak to him (lucky you!) and you’ll be happy and poor together if you two can work on your communication skills. 7/10.

Colonel Brandon: He’s got a nice house, the respect of his friends and the community, and he has a LOT of passion. He’ll give your sister’s penniless husband a job, dramatically rescue you from a rainstorm, make sure his dead girlfriend’s daughter is happy and taken care of even after your ex fucks HER over too, and is all around a pretty decent guy. Just. Uh. Maybe, kinda, sorta, needs to go after women his own age and is probably with you because you remind him of his dead girlfriend. 5/10 with the wildly inappropriate age gap, 9/10 without it.

Mr. Wickham: Please don’t. He’s a thirsty bitch who lives for drama and you think he’s fun until you find out he tried to sleep with one teenage girl and is making eyes at your fifteen year old sister behind your back. Marry him (through the grace of mysterious benefactors, cause he ain’t marrying anyone unless he’s paid the right price) and get ready for a life of being surrounded by military men in the north of England while your husband tries to fuck everything that moves. Work that out somehow with him and you might actually be happy. 0/10.

Mr. Bingley: He is a softboi who will do literally anything his friends tell him to do. He is SUPER rich, and marrying him will throw your sister’s into the path of other rich men and he is REALLY into you, but get ready to be sucking up to his sisters for literally the rest of your life. Unless he can ship Miss Bingley off to live with Mrs. Hurst, have fun trying to wage a war of barely concealed insults over the breakfast table every morning, and if you’re marrying Bingley I’m sorry but that is a war you just cannot win. He doesn’t have a job but he does have five thousand a year, and neither of you can manage money. You’ll love simply and deeply and be happy as any two can be. 8/10.

Mr. Collins: Last resort to rescue yourself from a life of being a burden to your parents until they die and then having to become a governess or something. Has a job but never shuts up about his boss. You will have to rearrange everything in your house according to his boss’ will. 2/10

Mr. Darcy: Is a anxious disaster who doesn’t know how to talk to girls at parties and needs to learn how say no to going out when he’s just not feeling it. He doesn’t have a job because he’s a landlord; he owns half of Derbyshire and has ten thousand a year, but turns out that all of that money and land can’t buy tact or charisma. Doesn’t know how to flirt and thinks he’s doing a great job (he’s not). He’ll propose to you out of the fucking blue one day by insulting literally everything about you, but don’t worry! Reading his letter unlocks Darcy 2.0. This patched version gives him humility, a personality, and he WILL gain the ability to rescue your family from utter ruin. Marry him and enjoy a life of luxury and witty ripostes, but beware! You ARE going to have to deal with Lady Catherine until the day she dies, not to mention Caroline Bingley’s barely concealed contempt every time you meet in polite company. Darcy 1.0 3/10, Darcy 2.0 8/10.

Captain Wentworth: Absolutely top tier. Has a job, has earned everything he has, including a fortune and the respect of his peers, superiors, and subordinates. His sister and her husband are practically the only happily older married couple you know, his friends are super fun and nice (even the dour one with all the poetry knows how to have a polite conversation). If you dumped him ten years ago on the advice of your almost comically shitty family yeah, he’s going to hold a grudge, but he WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU and the MOMENT he gets over his pride will do everything and anything in his power (including leaping the bounds of propriety!) to win you back. Based on his love, money, and connections you should RUN, not walk, into his arms TODAY and allow him to rescue you from your family and whisk you off to see the world on his ship, at least until Napoleon busts out of Elba. 12/10

Mr. Eliot: Will lose all your old schoolfriend’s husband’s money in a bad deal, has debts out the ass, might be trying to get with either you or the woman your dad has been flirting with for the last few years, you’re not sure. Is totally ruining the rekindling relationship you’re trying to get going with your far superior ex. He wants the land and title your dad has and will stop at nothing to get it. Marry him and you can move back into your old house (maybe? it’s a little unclear what with all the debts) but have every single cent your mother left you immediately put into some dumbass scheme. 1/10

Henry Tilney: another softboi who just wants to act in the school play while his dad and brother plan to ship him off to military school and berate him for not joining the football team. Bring him shopping with you to pick out dresses, spend long nights over tea chatting about books. Has a job, but again, only because his dad owns the land the church is on. Loves you even though you have some very strange ideas about his house, and will forgive you when he realizes you thought his dad either murdered or imprisoned his mom. If he can find the courage to tell his dad to fuck off and let him live his own life, expect a long, happy marriage of snuggling together in a window seat somewhere, sipping tea and reading. 9/10

John Thorpe: Trash bastard man. Peaked in whatever equivalent of high school he had. Shitty and rude to everyone, would post racist memes on facebook and start fights if he could, all while being shitty and manipulative and CREEPILY possessive of you. -2/10

Robert Martin: A sweet himbo farmer who just wants to love and worship you. He has a job, is pretty rich, and while his connections may not be above his class, he’s an earnest boy who wants to take care of you and be taken care of in turn. Marry him the first time, absolutely do NOT let your friend influence you against him, because who KNOWS if you will get a second proposal! (You will, he likes you THAT much.) Marry him and enjoy a sweet, simple life of exactly zero drama (unless your friend is around). 7/10

Mr. Elton: Trifling gold digging trash who doesn’t know what the word no means. Do not marry, unless you want to be censured by decent, hardworking people -1/10

Frank Churchill: Knows how to have fun, but you know there’s something more going on. He won’t let you see his letters, he sends out secret notes, then he smiles and tells you that everything is totally a okay. Another boy with ANOTHER overbearing aunt, only this one doesn’t know how to say no. Marry him if you’ve got the money, but he will always be longing after the poor girl next door that auntie wouldn’t let him married, and would have cheated on you already if she was into it. 3/10

Mr. Knightly: He’s your brother in law and you’ve known him almost your whole life, so that’s a little sus, but he is also the ONLY person in your entire life who knows how to tell you no (and you really, REALLY need to be told no sometimes.) He is extremely wealthy, but more importantly he’s kind and caring about people who are considered “beneath” him. He will break his weird no dancing rule to dance with your shy friend, he will ream you out for being shitty to unwed spinsters who value your opinion, and somehow has the correct read on everyone all the time. You will gain no connections by marrying him, since the two of you already have the exact same connections anyway, but the two of you should be content in a test of wills that will last a lifetime. You’ll be very happy as long as he doesn’t get super pedantic and start correcting you about everything. 7/10

[taylizmasterpost]

Liz After the Agency (September 2012 - September 2014)

So, Liz is spiraling. Her mental health isn’t doing great. And she was just asked to leave The Agency (presumably to take care of herself, although the public reason given was for her to start a solo career). Things are bad.

However, in the darkness, there’s always a light. And the light for Liz, in this case is her neighbor, Bryan Brown.

24 September 2012 - Liz and Bryan tweet at each other for the first time:

17  October 2012 - Taylor writes This Love:

Now, this COULD be about Liz, considering the back and forth. However, I’m more inclined to believe Taylor wrote this about Swiftgron’s first break up, right after they got back together, which you can read more about here. 

The same day, Liz makes a vague tweet about jealousy:

It’s crazy weird to me that the same day Taylor is celebrating getting back together with Dianna and writing This Love, Liz is pissed off and jealous about something. Coincidence? Maybe. But I don’t think so.

22 October 2012 - Red is released. According to a later interview with the photographer who did the Red booklet (who happens to be Liz’s current roommate), Taylor based the concept of the photoshoot on some headshots they’d taken for Liz: 

“Taylor is a mutual friend of ours. Stephen and his brother were friends with her years before, and I became friends with her separately. What ended up happening was one of her background singers needed headshots. When Taylor saw them a few months later, she came to me and was like, “Liz showed me the shots you took of her, and I need my album to look exactly like that.” Clearly, this was a no-brainer. I said, “OK!” Before then, I’d been kind of burned out on music photography. A lot of the shoots were super controlling. I needed a new perspective on the field itself and wanted future shoots to be very free-flowing — just the artist and a minimum crew. Luckily for Stephen and me, that’s exactly how Taylor presented the Red album shoot. So it was just the three of us shooting everything together. She wanted everybody else to remain off set, allowing for a more personal and intimate experience.”

So, I don’t know why Taylor did this. Maybe she wanted to look like a hipster for the Red album and Liz was the best she knew. Or, maybe, she wanted to scream to those who knew her well that this album was about LIZ HUETT. 

In this series of Liz headshots, there’s also one specific photo of Liz wearing the Stevie Nicks moon necklace that Taylor possibly gave to her:

Is this possibly one of the reasons why Taylor wanted to mimic them for the Red album? 

Later that day, Taylor goes on Good Morning America and says she wrote a new song “like two days ago” (probably talking about This Love?)

And after that, Taylor tells the LA Times that Begin Again and State of Grace are about the same person:

“There were a few track list choices I knew I was going to make way in advance,” she said. “I knew I wanted to bookend the album with ‘State of Grace’ and ‘Begin Again’ because they’re inspired by the same person who inspired a few songs on the record. I wanted to start and end the album with the first and last song I ever wrote about that relationship.”

“Then in between those songs, I wanted to paint a picture of the ups and downs I’ve experienced in life and love, not necessarily in the order it happened chronologically,” Swift continued. “I like to spread the emotions out in a way that never makes you feel like there’s a sad lull, then a burst of four songs in a row about joy. At the end of the day, I make a track list based on what my gut feeling tells me.” ‘Begin Again’ is my song version of a cliffhanger ending. Throughout the whole album, there have been songs about the trials and tribulations of love and loss, and there at the end of the record it starts all over. As soon as I wrote that song, I knew exactly where I wanted to put it.”

Now, I don’t think this means Begin Again is about Liz. I think it means that Liz is the past relationship in the song, and Dianna is the present. And Liz actually has a song called “Good About Her” that kind of mirrors Begin Again and I find that HILARIOUS and also kind of a smoking gun.

26 October 2012 -Taylor goes on Katie Couric. Katie asks if Taylor’s ex in WANEGBT got the message and Taylor says she “hasn’t heard from him since” and also mentions “some of my exes like to write really long emails.” Now, if the song is about Liz, this is a lie, because she definitely did get lunch with Liz after WANEGBT came out. However, I think it’s fair that what she’s hinting here is that things did not end well in that messy relationship.

25 October 2012 - Liz quote tweets Caitlin about crying on the treadmill to All Too Well :

8 November 2012 - Liz releases Never Know on YouTube:

The lyrics that make me think this is about Taylor are the “now and then I catch myself singing your old song.” ESPECIALLY in the context of that treadmill tweet and Liz probably having written this during her Nashville sessions over the summer. However, it could also be about Jason, who, as we know, was a struggling musician before he became a photographer.

18 November 2012 - Taylor shoots the MV for IKYWT, wears the same black and white shirt she wore around when Liz first joined the band. Liz calls the news of her leaving the Agency “bittersweet.”

And “bittersweet” is the exact same phrasing that around a week later Taylor would say the ex who most of Red is about used to describe listening to the album:

19 November 2012 - Ali Puliti tweets about listening to two Liz demos -- Blessed Are the Brokenhearted and Dammit, meaning this song, which wouldn’t be released until 2018, was likely written during those summer 2012 songwriting sessions:

When the song was eventually released by Jana Kramer in 2018, Liz posted this on Facebook:

The song also notably contains the lyric “cause I could hear you in the kitchen, playing your guitar” which REALLY REALLY makes me think of Taylor. Although it could maybe be for Jason, who was also a musician.

Here’s the story Liz told about the song:

“‘Dammit’, actually, was a story that I lived out. Like, I was with somebody I was, you know, getting very serious. We were talking about starting a life together and we even had this house, like, picked out in the city where we lived and we would drive by it and be like ‘one day when we buy that house’. And, so, when we broke up, the pain of, like, saying goodbye was really, you know, really intense, but it was also mourning the loss of the hypothetical future. So, it was like saying goodbye to the past memories and stuff, sort of what we almost had and that’s where that song came from. So, honestly, I didn’t write it for anyone else, but myself, truly. But, um, it’s beautiful that music has such a way of resonating with someone who might not even know and they connect with it so much that another artist would want to sing it. It’s such a high compliment.”  

And here’s a quick clip of Liz singing it. So, seems like a Jason song, if not for the fact that she wrote it almost a year after they broke up and kept it hidden for years before eventually giving it to another artist.

13 December 2012 - Taylor’s birthday. Liz does not wish her happy birthday. This, to me, is the biggest evidence that there’s some amount of bad blood between them at this point.

14 December 2012 - The Music Video for IKYWT comes out. Taylor wears a shirt she wore a LOT when TayLiz was first a thing in 2009. She also wears a key necklace, which will be important later.

17 December 2012 - Liz posts a picture from Claire’s birthday party using a picture without Taylor in it (even though it seems fair to assume Taylor would’ve been invited).

20 December 2012 - Liz tells a fan her favorite song from Red is All Too Well:

21 December 2012 - Liz wishes Claire happy birthday. Further signaling bad blood with her and Taylor since she didn’t bother to do it for Taylor.

9 January 2013 - Liz releases Blessed Are the Brokenhearted:

Here she describes love as “burning up out of control” which is the same phrase Taylor used on Red -- “burning red” -- and Begin Again -- “I’ve been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end.” Also, the idea of love as an out of control flame really does describe their relationship.

20 January 2013 - Liz releases One Hand on the Wheel:

Here, much like in Red, Liz describes a relationship using the metaphor of a car. The relationship is messy, maybe even toxic. There’s even a lyric that sounds like it could be out of treacherous: “Being wrong shouldn’t feel so right like it does / But it does.”

22 January 2013 - Liz releases Wreck of Who I Am.

This is the song that is the strongest evidence for me that Liz WAS going through some mental health stuff over the summer when she was doing all this songwriting, and that that Reddit post about running into a drunk Liz who said she was fired for being “out of control” seems somewhat accurate. Here Liz sings about her battles, the way she’s losing them, and asks her younger self what she would think if she saw her now.

I’m not going to go into too much detail on Liz and Bryan (since unlike her and Jason there’s no need to use them to say much about TayLiz) but, despite his flaws, he was the person to pick Liz up off the ground when she was feeling this way, so he should get some credit for that.

Sometime around this - Liz releases Stones. Similar upbeat nature to Blessed Are the Brokenhearted with mentions to some of the struggles of Wreck of Who I Am.

Choice Lyrics:

When you’re knocked off your throne And lying on your back Things will never be so clear Cause when you see it all like that Sooner or later it comes around Yeah we all taste that bitter truth But all the stones you’re throwing now Will be the ones they throw at you

Also with these batch of songs, we get Sun Out of the Rain:

So baby, hold on, the storm will roll away It may be pouring down, but it’s only for today A million pieces might be falling into place And when there are no words to say We’ll make the sun out of the rain

29 January 2013 - Chantelle Paige posts a picture of Liz and Taylor and talks about a “sad night turned awesome.” Once again, I think this is a throwback from that night in 2012.

2 April 2013 - Liz goes to therapy. Her and Bryan are dating at this point.

2 September 2013 - Liz tells a fan on twitter that she hasn’t been to any of the Red shows, which to me definitely backs up that fan account of Liz being bitter about being fired.

23 December 2013 - Liz wishes Taylor Happy Birthday. This seems like a peace offering to me, considering they haven’t spoken in like a year and she refused to do this the earlier year. Also worth noting that Swiftgron is on its last legs at this point.

1 March 2014 - Sara Evans releases Put My Heart Down, which was co-written by Liz and is about walking away from a toxic relationship:

Now, from what I know of Liz and Jason, this doesn’t seem like their dynamic at all. It’s too soon for it to be about her and Bryan However, it does remind me a LOT of what Taylor was writing about on Red. Her are some choice lyrics:

I never pictured us fighting this much Thought we were figured out, but it’s so messy now Your words cut so deep and I think you should leave

Put my heart down and walk away This kind of love is dangerous So pack up all your things, just leave some air to breathe A million toxic tears fallin’ like rain over here This is the final hour The end of our story tonight And I don’t wanna fight

Now, please go listen to Treacherous, Battle/Let’s Go and Story of Us and tell me this is not the same relationship.

Bonus though, this song is copyrighted for 2014, making it make even LESS SENSE for it to be written about Bryan. 

17 July 2014 -  Timothy James Brown releases a song called Change My Mind that was co-written by Liz. I’m out of video links, so here are some choice lyrics:

All the horses became soldiers Dark as night to drag me away A complicated kind of heartbreak When you promise somebody you’ll stay

I know you’ve been hurting I know more than most I don’t have the courage Where you’re going, I can’t follow

To me, this reads as Liz making peace with leaving the Agency. She recognizes her demons, and how they ruined her relationship with Taylor, and says “where you’re going, I can’t follow” because she’s not in a good enough place to keep touring with Taylor.

So things are looking bleak in TayLiz land. However, Liz seems to be recovering! She’s writing songs acknowledging some problems in the relationship and her own battles, and she’s also in therapy and dating Bryan. It’s time for some reconciliation. But first, let’s see what’s up in Taylor-land:

Liz References on the Red Tour

[assetsliterature]

7 ways to earn money while you sleep

: Creating money while you sleep. Whenever I get this in my mind, I always remember a quote from Warren buffet “if you don’t find a way to make money while you sleep, you will work until you die.”

First, let me tell you something. If you haven’t been heard this type of thing before, then believe these things:

Every way I share in this blog works.

Ways which can make money while you sleep are called: “Passive income.”

You cannot achieve multiple income sources just reading ``always remember “1 hour of doing > 5 hours of thinking.

Passive income :

Just imagine you wrote an ebook and publish it on Kindle, then people who are interested in your ebook will buy it, I know that selling a book on a huge level can be a hard task, but after doing this, you will make money while you sleep ;

This is just an example of ‘selling a digital product online.

~ Please scroll down if you don’t want intro~

Don’t let your area influence your mindset:

When I was living in my hostel, sometimes I used to to the terrace for stargazing at 3 a.m. with my best friend. One night he asked me to give my best advice to him because I haven’t got any advice for him in my mind.

But now I have one

:

You must have heard that- “the people you socialize with influence you so much.” That’s why you should be with people who have a positive mindset ~~

People around you affect your life in many ways. Let’s understand this with an example- “imagine you’re a student and your classmates don’t take their studies seriously, they only study one night before an exam, they bunk classes and waste so much time on not-so-good things.” Then there is a big chance that you can be like them too!

“Sociologists tell us the most introverted of people will influence 10,000 others in an average lifetime” every person you come in contact with is impacted in some way.

So, in my opinion, train yourself to not learn from negative minds. Stay with people you want to be. They will always lift you!

Remember: Just because someone is so confident at saying something doesn’t mean they are right!

How much you can earn:

Creating Passive income in your 20s is not something that everyone does, and for making your passive income source work good you have to put in some effort and time. You have to invest your money in it.

You can start with investing a little, and then you have to invest from your profit to make it work well.

So it depends on you; however, there are so many ways that have a huge income compared to another passive income source.

7 ways to create passive income for beginners :

1.Sell Digital Products:

If you’re a newbie, then this can be a good start for you!

There are a lot of things to create and sell online! I.e., ebooks, online courses, podcasts, graphic art bundles, photographs, music, templates, and so much more.

If you like blogging, you can create podcasts, ebooks, online courses related to your niche. Visit this for more examples of digital products_ If you’re interested in photography, you can sell your pictures at reasonable prices. Just pick your interest and go for it! It is not effortless, but you can learn and earn a lot from this!

Requirements?

All you need to have is a phone, a good internet connection, an urge to learn, and a lot of patience.

How much can you earn?

If you choose to write an ebook and you list it on Kindle for 1$, and you get one buyer a day, then you can earn 30$/month easily; stock photos earn approximately 25–45 cents per image, it depends on how many people are buying from you. The prices of online courses are usually 8$. If 1 thousand students buy your course, then you can get 624$ from it!

The more you work, the more you’ll earn but make sure to be creative and unique and don’t forget- “quality over quantity.”

# Don’t give up too easily if you’re here to earn.

2.Start a blog:

You may have heard that before, but it’s because it’s work. Even I was thinking about this so many times before starting this blog, and it’s good to have something on your bucket list to work on. When you are free, you can start a blog and give your six months in it.

Remember, it’s worth the hustle. Imagine if you started a blog one year ago. Do you believe you’re that useless that you can’t even get 50,000 views on a blog after working one year?

You can check this out if you’re interested in starting a blog.

Requirement:

I know a friend who is planning to start a blog. I asked him about his blueprint, and he said, “i will write and earn” he is stupid; I hope he is now seeing this right now, first learn about blogging in-depth and decide how much time you can give it, if you don’t have a plan then you will be lost for a moment, trust me I know that, been there.

These things are a must for starting a blog :

A niche

A map for both before posting an article and after posting an article

And expect the hard time will come, and if it will not, then it will.👁

How much you can earn:

Blogging is something a small blog can be a bug business after some time, many bloggers who just started blogging for a hobby leave their 9–5 from it,

It’s from google AdSense website;

Google will pay you according to your niche, but if you create a finance blog and you get 50,000 visits per month, you can make 15,012$/year.

# for blogging, you should learn daily and use google sheets for planning. You can download the sheets template from here

3.Join the affiliate program and use Pinterest:

You can join the Amazon affiliate program by just signing up to their website. By doing that, you can share your link, and if someone buys a product from your link, you’ll get paid depending on the product category and price.

So there is a problem in that like who will buy products from your link, I know, so that’s why you will use Pinterest,

If you don’t know about Pinterest, you can download Pinterest from any app store and use it.

You can share pics with links on Pinterest, and it’s called creating pins. So people can see your shared photos on Pinterest, and if someone sees a product they like, they will click on the pic, and then they will redirect to amazon.

Requirements: you don’t even need a laptop for it, just 1 hour a day and a little bit of Pinterest SEO, and it’s the best thing I love about Pinterest; it has so easy SEO compared to google.

How much you can earn?: amazon affiliate earning has no limits; you can increase it as you grow anywhere online. Once you achieve your target on Pinterest, you will thank you for just starting.

4.Rent your apartment on Airbnb:

Airbnb is a platform where someone can rent out their couch, room, or home.

Since hotel prices are so high in major cities, it’s been obvious that before booking hotels people check Airbnb.

If you have free space in Airbnb, you can try this out, and after some time, you can hire a cleaner and an assistant to manage everything.

Requirements: you have to live in a developed city, if you are like me then AirBnb is no use for you, but I will wait when my hometown has so many travelers all around the world XD!!

How much you can earn?: That depends on the level you are receiving orders from AirBnB, but for a try, you should register on it and try yourself how often you get a call !!

5.Write an ebook:

If you love the idea of digital products, then you can choose to write an ebook. In that case, you don’t need any investment. You can check this out for more category ideas !!

For creating book covers or any graphic, use Canava. You can choose something related to your studies or interest. But do remember this ‘getting readers for your book is not easy. Everything is hard, so choose your hard.

Requirements: just an idea about your ebook, map of where you will share your ebook(like Facebook groups. Forums related to your book title etc.), and you have to know good writing and your target audience but don’t worry and don’t afraid of failure, you should give 30 days to write your ebook and see what you can do

How much can you earn?: As I mentioned earlier, it depends on your readers. If you get 80 readers at a 1$ price per month, you get 80$/month without doing anything. It’s just a starting future. You will get more readers if you write valuable content for your target audience.

#write an ebook like you are talking to your friend about something

6 .Dropshipping:

Dropshipping is like selling products online, but you don’t store your product. You use a third-party supplier (like wholesaler or manufacturer) to fulfil product needs; I am sure you have heard Shopify’s name before from Shopify; you can create your dropshipping business; I highly recommend you check out Shopify website. If you use Shopify, don’t worry; no one will know if your eCommerce website is Shopify.

From here, you can learn how to start an eCommerce dropshipping store from scratch.

Requirements: A niche, a supply for your store, build your online store and then market your store after that to improve your store.

How much can you earn?: It’s just like a store but online, but it can be a lot more profitable than an offline store. You have to put a lot into it to succeed, so your earning cannot be defined by just typing and thinking !!

7. Create an app:

I am not saying that it’s not risky, but you can create an app that solves people problems or help them with something like if you use android, then you might have some problems and wish that there was a solution for it _

Some time ago, I was searching for friends interested in fantasy books, so i wish that I had an app where I can just find them ~

So if you can solve the problem from your app, then try it.

However, you have to invest in it first because everyone is not an android/ios app developer.

Requirements: an idea, some money to hire a developer, and a plan

How much you can earn?: when you upload your app on any app store, and user use it, you earn money, so it depends on what’s your planets

Like you can sell the app to every user or add a subscription fee or monetize your app.

So it will worth it when it achieves its meaning!

_____

Thanks so much for reading this article, I will share more business strategy in-depth and if you really want to earn from passive income please accept my suggestion and plan something and go for it because i know a lot of people who learn and never take actions ~~

You can subscribe to us if you love this topic!

Assets- Literature

Original article: https://www.assetsliterature.com/2021/05/how-does-cryptocurrency-work.html

You can check our website for other contents like this.

[purplesurveys]

1191

survey by voicedance16

name yourself: Robyn

name (one of) your best friend(s): Angela; she’s for keeps.

name 3 things in your fridge/freezer: I don’t think I opened the fridge at all today, but if I had to guess...eggs, bread, and our pad thai leftovers from dinner earlier.

name a color you're wearing currently: Green.

name the last thing you ate: I treated myself and ordered spicy tuna salad tonight because I had a shit shift. It’s been a while since I felt a little burned out with my job, but it happened today and it wasn’t very pleasant.

name the last store you went to: I never go out these days...does online shopping count? I’m always browsing through Shopee, if anything lol.

name the song you're listening to: ON - BTS.

name the artist of that song: BTS.

name your favorite animal: Dogs or elephants.

name what pets you have, if any:  Two dogs. Kimi, Cooper.

name the town/state you live in: No thanks. I live near Manila though, which is probably the only city most people know from the Philippines anyway so that should suffice.

name something commonly ordered at Starbucks: I think my usual is a pretty common order – caramel macchiato.

name the last person you talked to in person: Not sure. I think it may have been Nina? I was just jokingly asking her if her bias recognized her again on a VLive, since her comments have been read by her favorite group recently, and she tells me they even laugh at them :( Perks of liking a smaller, more underground group for sure; pigs would have to fall from the sky before anyone from BTS notices me lol.

name the last person you talked to on the phone: My mom. I didn’t hear her calling for dinner last night, so she ended up having to call me from downstairs while I was hanging out at the rooftop.

name the current day of the week: Tuesday.

name the current month: May.

name the current time: 10:22 PM.

name the last movie you watched: I have not watched an entire movie since i’m thinking of ending things back in September. I did watch a snippet from Portrait of a Lady on Fire a few weeks ago, though. That’s the closest thing I’ve got to watching any film recently.

name the last book you read: This one I’m even more uncertain about.

name a place you've been on vacation: South Korea.

name a place you'd like to go on vacation: Malta or Turkey.

name 3 things you can see from where you're sitting: It’s pretty dark so I technically can’t ‘see’ anything, but based on what I know I brought up to the rooftop tonight I have my phone, my salad, and my vape pen.

name your favorite musical: Miss Saigon, if anything. I’m not a big fan of musicals.

name an animal (any): Turtle was the first that came to mind.

name a fruit: Mangoes.

name a vegetable: Lettuce.

name a common breakfast food: Pancakes. They’d sound so good rn, too.

name a color: Grey.

name a type of flower: Dandelions.

name a type of tree: Uh...mango again? HAHA I’m not very good with trees.

name a city: New York.

name a state: Indiana.

name a country: India.

name a continent: Asia.

name a planet: Jupiter.

name a girl's name: Jessica.

name the last person to comment you on Facebook: Angela. She tagged me on this post that was promoting a local shop that makes customized face pillows and she told me we should order a Taehyung one for me and a Seokjin one for her, hahaha. The concept is definitely cute but it wasn’t my style, so I showed her another shop that also makes face pillows, but prettier.

name a clothing store/brand: Thom Browne.

name the last book you got at the library: If I remember correctly, it was History of the Filipino People which, coincidentally, my great-uncle wrote.

name a restaurant: Yabu but eugh, haven’t eaten there since the breakup. I should order from them soon to commemmorate moving on heheh.

name a grocery store: Can I just name a local one? SM.

name an iPhone app: YouTube.

name an actor: Eddie Redmayne.

name an actress: Emma Stone.

name a music group: BTS.

name your favorite/lucky number: It used to be 4, but I’m now going with 7.

name something you've accomplished: Continued from...last night, I think? I have no concept of time anymore. I managed to survive this week so far considering how deadly my schedule was.

name something you'd like to accomplish: Get a promotion once I’ve proven myself capable.

name someone who makes you laugh: Hans can make anything funny.

name something exciting coming up soon: Some of my online shopping orders arriving I’m guessing by later today, yayyyy.

name a song that makes you emotional: Oh man, there are a lot. O by Coldplay is probably the one that hits the worst, though; I still can’t listen to that song completely to this day. Recently, I also can’t really avoid being sad whenever I listen to Butterfly by BTS.

name one of your pet peeves: Overly slow drivers.

name someone you know who is an amazing singer: Hannah.

name someone who is the same religion as you: JM.

name a holiday you celebrate: Christmas.

name the last 4 digits of your phone number: That’s too many, lmao.

name one of your cousins: My cousin Lei from my dad’s side.

name a book you loved when you were younger: The entire Septimus Heap series. I must’ve reread Magyk (the first book) a hundred times.

name a song you loved when you were younger: Let’s go withhhhh Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne. Making sure there were no adults around whenever I sang along to “I’m a motherfucking princess” as an 8 year old was always a thrill.

name your favorite movie: Two for the Road.

name a popular book series: Percy Jackson.

name a musical instrument: Saxophone.

name a language: French.

name what other tabs you have open: Archive of our Own, Dailymotion, Bzoink.

name 3 things on the walls of the room you're in: The walls of the rooftop are bare.

name your house number 4.

name your high school: Nope.

name your college, if applicable: UP.

name your middle school See high school.

name your elementary school: See high school.

name the college you wish you went to/hope to go to: I was able to qualify for the university and degree I wanted to attend.

name your favorite teacher: My music teacher in high school.

name the color of your backpack: Hm, don’t really use backpacks anymore but the main one I had in college - at least until I switched to a simple handbag (aka my senior year when I started to not care lol) - was a pink Herschel backpack.

name a dessert: Leche flan.

name a famous landmark: Statue of Liberty, only because of the question after this.

name a place you might go in NYC: Tiffany’s.

name an inventor: Nikola Tesla.

name an article of clothing: Jeans.

name an ice cream flavor: Pistachio.

name a religion: Islam.

name an emotion: Resentment.

name a room in your house: Mine.

name a website: Twitter.

name a car: Hyundai Palisade.

name something you need to do today: It’s a holiday today so I technically should be off work, but since it’s a holiday squished in the middle of the week that’s just another way of saying my dayoff will be a scam lmao. That said, I need to draft an article today for a client.

name someone you admire: My dad.

name someone you miss: My two best friends.

name a part of the body: Thighs.

name the last youtube video you watched: It was a Taehyung-focused compilation.

name a quote you love: “If you really love to be loved, it’d be good to show those who love you how much you’ve changed.” There’s some background context obviously playing around in here and most people might not recognize the weight it holds if they’re unfamiliar, but it’s a quote that really means a lot to me and came to me during a time I needed to hear it.

[hongism]

Forewarning there is mention of death in this so please disregard this if that is triggering for you, and sorry if it is.. and also it's long and I am sorry it's just a bunch of sad stuff. This is so wild. I came to creep because I've been feeling pretty lost and hurt and I need a way to cope or distract that isn't.... detrimental I suppose. Less than 48 hours ago I thought of one of my friends who I haven't spoken to in awhile because 2020 was a bad fuckin year and also I've been trying to figure out how to share this big discovery about myself. I really wanted him to know and I knew he'd be supportive but we had feelings for each other so it felt.. daunting. I'll try to keep this as short as possible because the details hurt but he was my first love, nearly ten years ago and the other night he drifted to my thoughts as he often did and my heart soared at the thought of him and all these memories and feelings came rushing back and I realized I was still in love with him. basically i stopped recognizing the feeling as being in love and saw it as the feeling I got from him. So now it was time to share the secret and also to profess my love for him once again. But first. Make sure he's single because honesty is important but so is respecting relationships. Upon my search (I don't use Facebook anymore so it was impossible for me to have known before now) I learned that i would not be telling him anything at all, because he has been dead for 8 months. And I didn't know because I was scared of a secret. It's super painful and the only relief I can find is from my favorite book Slaughterhouse-Five, the passage about the tralfamadorian philosophy of "death" , that time is only linear to humans and in fact, all things that have or will ever happen are always happening. so a deceased person to them is "in bad condition" in that particular moment, but is perfectly fine in many other moments of life. I think he would really enjoy that philosophy too... so it's doubly comforting. I'm often too aware of my own mortality as well as friends and family, but he was always in this little box I my head as safe from the shortness and unpredictability of life.. just always felt like he was gonna be there. I haven't felt that way about anyone which is probably why this hurts so much more. But anyway it was just wild because I've been reminding myself about that philosophy all day and then I got on your blog and see the "everything was beautiful and nothing hurt" post which is from the same book and it just feels like.. some sort of sign. I'm not sure what, but something along the lines of "it will be okay". I guess this is a slap in the face to stop letting time slip away so easily. And i suppose i dont really have anyone to talk to about it and wanted it off my chest. Please dont feel pressured to reply - rolypoly

no worries my dear it's perfectly alright!!! you can always come to chat or rant or whatever even if it's just to get something off your chest that you want to get out there and share with someone, i'm more than happy to listen and talk whenever and wherever i can. honestly i can relate to this sort of feeling and situation a lot. i don't talk about it a lot but throughout my last relationship, my ex was in a very bad place mentally and it took a toll on both of us very heavily of course but there were also many underlying threats that he made about what he would do if i ever broke up with him or if he ever lost me. and that made breaking up with him much worse than it should have been because i spent weeks if not months after the fact fearing that he would do what he threatened to do. and even now i still catch myself thinking about it and wondering what has happened after all this time but i can never bring myself to reach out because i am very deathly afraid of hearing that he's no longer here. so i understand that fear you were feeling and i can only imagine that pain that came out of it as well. that philosophy is one i certainly find beautiful and comforting and i think it's easy to put people in our heads and heart as permanently safe because we hope that that's the case and we wish more than anything else that they will always be there and always be safe. frankly i am a person who believes in signs, and the fact that that post had been thrown in my queue and set to post randomly and you still came across it during this time in your life does tell me that it is a sign, and i'm hoping that it's a sign that everything will be okay because i truly believe it will. i'm glad you could speak about this because often times it's hard to allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable to others, and i hope you know that you are strong and brave and you are doing so much as it is, you are doing well and time may slip away sometimes and in some instances, but that doesn't mean that it will always be like this. i have confidence you can grow from this and reach a point where you can look back fondly at this and see it as a beautiful moment in your life ❤❤❤

[lovemesomesurveys]

an internet/social media survey. 1 - Are you one of those people who shares absolutely everything on social media? What do you think about those who do? I do tend to overshare in surveys and I share quite a bit on Twitter. I’m pretty quiet on my other social media sites, though, in terms of that. It only bugs me when people share something and then someone asks about it and they’re like, “I don’t want to share it on here” or “I don’t want to talk about it.” You just did, though? Why post about it then? Plus, my nosy ass wants to know haha. I see that all the time on Facebook.

2 - Does anyone in "real life" know that you take surveys? Would you be embarrassed if they found your blog? I don’t think so. Back in the Myspace days people knew cause I posted them there, but no one in “real life” follows me on here. I’m surprised I shared those back then cause I don’t want anyone to see them now. Although, I wasn’t as open back then in surveys. I took the more basic ones and didn’t elaborate like I do now.

3 - When you receive a text message, do you reply straight away or wait a little while instead? It depends.

4 - Who was the last person you blocked on social media? Did you have an argument that lead to that happening? I don’t recall. It was probably some spam account on here.

5 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you spend the most time on? I spend a lot of time on YouTube. 

6 - What was the first social media account you remember signing up for? Are you still a member of that particular website, if it even still exists? Ooh. I’ve had an online and social media presence for so long... like it was probably something that doesn’t even exist now.  I remember some teen sites I was on that I guess were like the social medias of the day. For example, there was this one website I remember called Kiwibox, where you could interact with other people, post stuff, and it shared like trending topics and whatnot that I was a member of in the early 2000s. It was pre-Myspace. I don’t think it even exists now, but if it did I’m sure my account was deleted long ago for being inactive. 

7 - How many social media accounts do you have now? Do you use them all regularly? If not, which ones do you think you update the most and why? I’m on all the common ones. I use them all, but I’m more active on some than others. Some I check regularly but rarely post. For instance, I’m super active on here and I post on Twitter quite a bit. I check Facebook a few times a day and “like” some stuff, but I very rarely post. I check Instagram and Snapchat, but not daily and I rarely post or even interact on there. I spend the least amount of time on those two.

8 - Are there are any popular apps/social media sites that you've never got into or signed up for? How come? Hmm. Like I said, I have all the main ones I think.

9 - Do you take surveys on any other website apart from Tumblr? Nope. 

10 - Before Tumblr existed, what kind of blogging site did you use (eg. LiveJournal, Xanga etc.). I had a Xanga and LJ account. 

11 - Is there anything you miss about websites like MySpace, or do you prefer social media the way it is now? The Myspace days were interesting that’s for sure. I miss the hype of changing up my page and adding stuff, picking my profile song, rearranging my top 8, changing my display name, follow forever trains, comment 4 comments... haha what a ride.

12 - How old were you when you first got the internet at home? Was it broadband/wireless or did you use dial-up? I remember it wasn’t long after my brother was born, so it was sometime in 1999. I remember when my mom brought home our first computer. Those were the days of dial up/AOL. Gah, I do not miss that. 

13 - Are you old enough to remember life without any kind of internet access whatsoever? What kind of things did you do to fill the time? Ha, yeah. It’s crazy to think of the days before the internet, but I did have them. I actually used to play outside *gasp* That’s shocking cause ya’ll know I’m a hermit crab. I used to get so tan back then cause I spent so much time outside. Other things I used to do was play Barbies for hours, play with my cousins, read, color, and watch TV.

14 - Have you ever gotten into an argument with a stranger online before? Lol yeah.

15 - Overall, would you say social media is a good thing or a bad thing, or does it depend on how you choose to use it? It definitely has its pros and cons. There’s a dark side to social media and the internet in general, but a lot of good can be done with it as well. 

16 - How much time do you think you spend online each day? Is this something that varies depending on the weather? I spend a decent amount of time online for sure, but it does vary. The weather has absolutely nothing to do with it. 

17 - If your internet went off right now and you knew it wouldn't come back on for several hours, what would you go and do instead? Well, it’s 3:50AM so I’d watch some TV and attempt to go to bed.

18 - Since getting the internet, what's the longest period of time you've gone without access to it? Did you miss it as much as you thought you might? Probably the times I had surgery. I didn’t have to go completely without because once I was able to I was able to rent laptops that were available for patient use or access a computer while there. That was really nice during the couple times I had to spend a few months in the hospital. Even the shorter stays, like a week or two, I had some access at some point. But yeah, I definitely wasn’t on nearly as much during those times. Not at all the first few days/week. Then when I was back home and had my laptop I still wouldn’t feel up to spending much online. I did miss it, but I spent so much time resting and sleeping during the early stages of recovery so it was fine for awhile. I did start to get stir crazy, though.

19 - What's something you find yourself doing less of because you spend too much time online? Hm. I can’t think of anything I do less for that particular reason. 

20 - What websites do you spend the most time on? Do these fall into any particular category or are they just random? Tumblr, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter.

21 - What website from your childhood/teen years do you wish still existed? I miss Xanga a lot. The survey community was poppin back then. I miss the days, not so much the websites themselves, of Myspace, Neopets, playing games on Disney Channel’s and Nickelodeon’s websites, making dolls, and the AOL teen message boards. Good times, good times. Much nostalgia. 

22 - Have you ever met up with anyone in real life that you first met via the internet? Did you get on as well as you thought you would? Nope. I had online friends back in the day that I talked to all the time and actually texted with. I even talked to them on the phone a couple times. :O That was during my Jonas Brothers days and I got close to a few people that I met through a Jonas Brothers’ message board and chatroom. I was pretty involved on there. I can’t believe I used to do that cause I wouldn’t do that now.

23 - What's your thoughts on internet dating and is it something you would ever consider for yourself? I probably wouldn’t do it myself, but hey if that works for people then go for it. *shrug*

24 - Do you tend to shop more online or in person? Is that something that's changed since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic? I do all my shopping online now since the pandemic hit, but even for a few years prior I was doing most of my shopping online. 

25 - Speaking of the pandemic, did you find all the stories on social media quite scary or overwhelming at the beginning? Absolutely. 

26 - If someone on social media annoys or upsets you, are you likely to tell them or just hit the hide/block buttons? Nah, I’ll just keep on scrolling. If it’s that bad then I’d likely mute or just delete. 

27 - Are there topics you won't post on social media about, simply because they always end up in an argument? I don’t post about politics. 

28 - Are you friends with your parents and family members online? Do you limit what you say because you know they can see it? Yes and yes. Like, even though I don’t post anything bad or risqu�� lol I still hide some stuff from my grandparents just because they wouldn’t get it, ya know? I’ve done that before and my Nana called my dad and asked if I was okay cause I posted some relatable self-deprecating meme or something haha. It’s sweet of course that she cares, but yeah I didn’t want her to get worried and concerned over stuff like that.

29 - Are you using the internet for anything else except this survey right now? I’m watching ASMR videos on YouTube as well.

30 - Do you access the internet more via a phone, tablet or laptop/PC? Which device do you prefer overall? I use my phone a lot for certain things and my laptop for others. Like, I much prefer the Facebook and Twitter apps, and I access Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok, the Kindle app, and my email on my phone as well. I use both for YouTube. I only like to access Tumblr on my laptop, though, as well as Pinterest.

[watchtheblog]

petty cache

thank you for coming to read my diary which masquerades as a blog but is actually just a vessel for disseminating my birthday wishlists. it’s like an event you show up to where the host tries to sell you a timeshare 25 minutes after some requisite, mindless song and dance.

welcome! if you’d like purchase a timeshare, scroll to the bottom. for the song and dance, look no further:

the other day i zoned out on zoom therapy and when my therapist asked where i “went” i had to lie because i had gone to the part of my brain that holds all the things i need to think about forever for no reason (i call it the petty cache — this is an umbrella term for the space that also houses my attitude cabinet) and dusted off a memory of a comment i saw on a stranger’s facebook three weeks ago that said “message me. i lost my password and i have good news to share”.

i don’t know either person, and that’s what i was thinking about. i spend $[redacted] a month on therapy and instead of focusing on one of my numerous unsolved mysteries, i was thinking about the nuances of this comment - like why they wouldn’t just share the news or message the person directly? or what losing their password had to do with anything? or why they would comment on facebook instead of texting or calling the person. did they not have their number? imagine not knowing someone well enough to have their phone number, but still wanting to share your good news with them!

all i want (for my birthday) is to know what the news is that this stranger has to share, and i’ll never know so i have to put that comment in my minutiae repository with all the other things that will plague me until i die from texting and driving, smoke inhalation as a result of purposely leaving a candle lit in my home overnight almost every night, consuming half a dozen hot dogs a week, or a now unnamed disease that will posthumously be attributed to my chronic inability to mind my own business.

i’m constantly concerning myself with things that are none of my concern - no matter how insignificant - because my brain is a commune of sentient pepperoni running instagram polls among themselves to discern if something is worth spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about. and guess what? it turns out absolutely everything that has ever offended, confused, bothered, intrigued, slightly inconvenienced, or merely happened to me is worth spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about.

because i devote so much energy to nonsense, i can often be found persecuting strangers for insulting me on the internet (and for other miscellaneous bad behavior). the information superhighway is my home so i have to protect myself (and my friends) here, and if that means spending 45 minutes to 48 hours trying to find every misstep you’ve made in your life until i have enough ammunition to spray a dozen simulated retaliatory bullets at your virtual head because you called me a “stupid bitch” on instagram, well… so be it!

i am relentless in my pursuit of wasting time, so if that doesn’t work, i will find the cold stone creamery you frequent, seek employment there, be hired on the spot, learn the craft, be promoted to manager, poison you on your birthday, gain access to your funeral, and tarnish your reputation by reading your shitty DM in front of the few family and friends whom i haven’t already made aware of the abhorrent way you conducted yourself online!

there are so many different ways strangers will try to hurt your feelings — an interesting genre of which come from men who (like me) have definitely never had sex before, and mistakenly think i care about the ways in which my body does not make them horny.

“no tits” one will say. and i’m like, how do you want me to respond to that? my boobs are indeed small, yes. did you come here to shoot facts back and forth all day? ok: you’re going to start balding way sooner than you’re prepared for, i bet your childhood dog is dead, your time on the internet should be supervised, your closet is full of vests, and you wait on line at nightclubs… good day?!

while i will obviously engage with anyone if they want to fight, i prefer when the unsolicited criticism is personalized, and not just thoughtless, lazily devised tripe.

a year and a half ago, a man who looked like he exhales smog DMed me to let me know - among other things in a paragraph long rant - he’d “lost brain cells” watching my story. knowing he had likely never had an adequate amount to begin with, it seemed like an emergency, so i started a group DM with his wife. because his message had come just three days after a “fuckkk [heart eye emoji]” response to a photo of my ass, i included a screenshot as evidence of his devolving mental state.

being - presumably - gainfully employed, neither of them responded.

luckily, the consolation prize for insulting me is that you gain residency in my brain and stay in my thoughts and prayers for all eternity, so i checked in on them a few days ago. they’d unfollowed and wiped their feeds clean of each other!!

because i’ve never “moved on” in my entire life, i fired up our long dormant group chat, and sent my condolences: “aw. sorry your trip to positano - where you were going to attempt to repair your ramshackle marriage - got cancelled because of covid and so you just got divorced instead :(” i wrote before being blocked by both of them. 

then i headed right over to my therapist’s facebook and commented “message me. i lost my password and i have good news to share”

i spent an entire therapy session detailing this monomania before my therapist thoughtfully suggested i “pick [my] battles”.

to which i thoughtfully responded: yeah, babe. i pick every single one.

                                                        ***

timeshare time! it’s the same list as this post, with a few additions (at top) (and edits based on availability).

places to donate food education fund pretty brown girl the okra project

some furniture stuff a side table  a pointless, laughably tiny little thing this website is calling a “drink table” a lamp one of these benches i do not want this but it’s important to me that at least 2 other people know it exists

this plant that obviously does not need to cost $165 but idk how to shop economically

air pods

gifts from the previous post - all still v much in play!

a pair of shoes (size 8 or 38) one pair, another pair, yet another, these are on sale, these are not, and a final pair

a specific clutch with three color choices they allege this color is called sand but it looks white to me, pink, green for those who do not know what malachite means (it couldn’t be me. i learned it 3 hours ago when i began compiling this cursed list)

something everyone with money to waste needs this

dresses i’ll never be able to wear until there’s a vaccine because unlike someone tacky who knows me, i won’t be having a birthday party in the middle of a global pandemic (hi, you fool) white polka dot, not white polka dot, also not polka dot, a red dress, a skirt (aka half a dress), a black dress

this sweatsuit xs in this, small in this

is sephora cancelled? i want this hair dryer which i’m sure you can buy elsewhere if sephora is cancelled, which it v well may be

this item which you may think is cheap but actually it’s not soooo a hairpin

earrings one pair, another pair, and another

this dress which i’ll never wear anywhere even when there is a vaccine because… what?! but maybe. you never know. size 34. lol when i get this far into the list i’m always blown away by how insane it is that i do this every year to no audience. so i’m just laughing alone at that. :) i am v funny to myself. another dress i’ll never wear ;)

the nicest weighted blanket you know of i’m depressed!!!!! if you can’t tell!!!!!!!

every year i have asked for a weekend bag and every year i have not received one, so alas, we try again this is not a weekend bag actually but it will do. this is!

a peloton but just venmo me the cash (@merce212) because i have a hookup

an assortment of ridiculous things a $500 body scarf a $580 beach towel with an octopus on it for no reason besides “art” i cannot tell analog time but it’s never too late to start!! how mad would you be if someone bought you a roulette table for your wrist? be honest. (THIS WATCH IS FOUR YEARS RENT!!!!!!) they won’t say how much this costs :( i’m losing my mind and must be gifted a chanel watch or else i will perish. to put my salami on when i am eating salami in my bed “24k gold crocodile [?!!) teddy bear”. the website says there’s only one left, which begs the question “why did someone buy one of these rather than buying me a chanel watch?!!” *real ‘billionaires shouldn’t exist [unless they’re buying me a watch]’ energy* to put my new watch in this is ugly but it’s on sale :) idk wtf “secret box pendant” means but i wish this necklace was also a USB with every season and spinoff of 90 day fiancé on it hi yes i’m stupid but i draw the line at $1500 connect four…

[eldritchsurveys]

1131.

1 - Were you glad to see the back of 2020? What were the best and worst parts of the year to you? >> I honestly did not care one way or the other. I understand why the ritualistic “good riddance to 2020″ thing works for people, it just doesn’t work for me. In my mind, it really doesn’t matter if it’s 2020 or 2021, just as long as it ain’t fuckin, say, 2009.

2 - If you’ve purchased something you love from a small business, are you likely to leave a review or anything afterwards? Why/why not? >> Yeah, like I just bought a bracelet from an Etsy seller and I left a happy review because I love the product. I never really thought about leaving reviews in the past, but it recently occurred to me that I should probably start doing it for independent sellers like that. This particular seller only had one or two other reviews aside from mine, so you know, it really makes a difference.

3 - When was the last time you received some good news? >> Well, seeing the pending stimulus deposit was good news. It is just enough to pay off the rest of what I owe on my computer, which means I do not have to worry about that anymore. I consider that a great relief, tbh; that $150/mo was no joke.

4 - Does wearing masks cause you to get acne or oily skin on your chin and around your nose? >> Nah. I’d probably have to wear them for much longer periods of time than I usually do for that to start happening.

5 - Do you prefer dogs or cats? Do you have a preferred breed as well? >> Dogs. Pitbulls are my fave breed.

6 - Do you have any plans for the next few days? Are these plans something you’re dreading or looking forward to? >> Mostly I just plan to enjoy having my normal routine back once Sparrow goes back to work (well, until Thursday, because now she’s going to be working from home every Thursday...).

7 - Leggings, jeans, jeggings or sweatpants? >> Sweatpants.

8 - How often do you meet new people? Is this something you’d like to change in any way? >> Not often at all, especially now. I don’t think it needs to be changed right now.

9 - What time did you wake up this morning? Would you rather have slept in longer? >> For the final time, around eight or so. I’m currently in a sleep deficit so I probably could have slept in longer, but I don’t like sleeping in. Maybe I’ll take a nap at some point, maybe not.

10 - What’s your favourite meal of the day? What’s your favourite thing to eat for that meal? >> I guess breakfast, since that’s my most stable and predictable meal most of the time. I almost always have a veggie burger and chips.

11 - When was the last time you visited a zoo or aquarium? What are your favourite animals to see there? >> I think the last time was Labor Day in 2019? The red pandas were pretty novel. I don’t think I have a favourite animal overall, though.

12 - Have you ever bought or sold anything via Facebook? >> No. This just reminded me to check on whether the Buy Nothing group in my city approved my membership, but apparently they did not, and that really confuses me, because... like, I live in the city. Why can’t I join the Buy Nothing group? This sort of thing is so distressing to me, I just... wanted to do a little community participation. :/ 

13 - When was the last time you had to cross a railway line? Was it an automated crossing or a manual one? >> I mean, we cross train tracks whenever we head downtown.

14 - What was the last thing you received as a gift? >> The gift from Sparrow’s parents that was late to arriving, which I got yesterday. It was a wine mulling kit.

15 - Are you a fan of cheese? What are your favourite types? >> I mean, I like cheese. I don’t know if I’d go so far to call myself a fan, though. I like pepper jack, brie, Kerrygold swiss, etc.

16 - What’s your “go-to” hairstyle when you’re feeling lazy or in a rush? >> ---

17 - How do you travel to work or school? Would you rather get there in a different way if you had the choice? >> ---

18 - What was the last activity you did that caused you to be out of breath? >> I don’t remember.

19 - When was the last time you changed your bedsheets? >> About a half hour ago, because they’d just been washed.

20 - What household chore do you hate the most? Are there any you actually enjoy or find satisfying in any way? >> Any “wet” chore -- so, most of the ones in the kitchen and all of the ones in the bathroom. I don’t mind vacuuming/sweeping, dusting, or laundry (I especially like the folding), and I love to tidy up and put things back where they belong.

21 - How much money did you spend the last time you went to the supermarket? >> I, personally, didn’t spend any, but the total grocery bill this weekend was about $170.

22 - How often do you buy fast food or takeaways? What’s your favourite place to get those foods from? >> Not often.

23 - Do you prefer white, brown or granary bread? What other types of bread do you like to eat? >> I’m not sure what granary bread is, but generally I’m not too precious about the type of bread. I’m far more precious about where the bread comes from (locally-made versus mass-produced).

24 - Are you in any kind of pain right now? What’s causing it? >> I wouldn’t say that. I mean, being tired and melancholy can be a bit painful at times, but... yeah.

25 - Can you hear anyone else in your house right now? What are they up to? >> Sparrow is having a shower. IDK what the cat is doing.

26 - Do you find farts funny or gross? >> Neither? They’re completely unremarkable to me, unless someone’s farting a tune or something, which I guess is novel enough.

27 - What are you wearing at the moment? Is anything you’re wearing new? >> Sweats, undershirt, hoodie. My winter uniform. Nothing I’m wearing is new.

28 - Who was the last person you spoke to via social media? Is this a person you’re close to? >> I don’t remember.

29 - Did you ever do surveys on a site other than Tumblr? Do you still take surveys anywhere else? >> Yeah, I was on Xanga for a long time. I had a brief fling with LiveJournal after Xanga went the way it did but ultimately settled on just posting them here.

30 - Are you overweight, underweight or a healthy weight for your height? Are you happy with that or would you like to change it? >> I don’t know which one I am and I’d rather not make a fuss about it.

[mineofilms]

2020… My Life… Everything Else Is Just Blurry…

Where to begin… I have been a type 2 diabetic since 2013. I got diabetes from excessive partying/drinking, originally. I continued to behave like this till June 2020. Granted, I wasn’t going as hard, in general, over the years, but each year and hardship I found myself going back to those old vices more frequently.

When the pandemic struck SWFL my drinking went up about 400%. No joke. I trained 4 days on and drank the other 3 days, hard. I did that from March to late June.

I caught Covid-19 around June 26th. By July 11th I needed to be hospitalized for Diabetic Ketoacidosis (where the body produces excess blood acids; ketones. This occurs when there isn't enough insulin in the body. It can be triggered by infection or other illness.) & Pancreatitis (inflammation of the pancreas. It happens when digestive enzymes start digesting the pancreas itself.) I was in ICU for 36 hours and in the hospital for 5 days. I lost 21 lbs over that time.

3 days after I got home from the hospital, Macular Edema (blood vessels in the retina burst and bleed into the eyes), set in. That took about a month to heal only for Diabetic Retinopathy (those same blood vessels that burst heal and are inflamed).

Usually requires anti-inflammatory shots into the eye ball and laser surgery to burn away some of the excess scar tissue. These cost thousands of dollars without insurance, which I do not have. I have read that they can heal on their own, but it takes about 8-12 months. I am in month 4.

However, I actually cannot confirm if that statement about them healing on their own is actually true or not. Some notes in journals say yes while other, more creditable sites, say no. One must get treatment.

Now let me be clear that Covid-19 did not cause my Diabetic Ketoacidosis & Pancreatitis. My lack of proper care for my diabetes caused these. I was already in the yellow and when I got Covid-19 it just put me in the RED. I now, at this point, required medical care or I would die. Those are the facts about me getting Covid-19, my Diabetic Ketoacidosis & Pancreatitis…

Flash-Forward to now… I got my blood sugars down to near normal (high) levels. This means my blood sugar is still high, but for me, I used to walk around at 400. 500-600 is diabetic coma. 80-120 is considered normal. I walk around between 130-230, currently, fasted.

I have not had a drink since June 26th. I will never drink again. I can’t.

1) Alcohol has thoroughly ruined my adult life in all sorts of areas besides this. It got me sick to begin with among, other, things.

2) If I drink I could be back in the hospital with Diabetic Ketoacidosis & Pancreatitis, again.

3) I made a deal with GOD. If I have to live through this (I prayed to die that night) that I would never drink again.

What kind of dick lies to GOD lol? A decade ago I would have… I hated everything about the concept of GOD. Now, I have come to terms that if there is or there isn’t; it doesn’t matter. I value me, my beliefs. Why not carry myself with that respect. I do not need to tell or share my beliefs with others. I care not for such things.

I am solely worried about my mental, physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual health.

I did not quit drinking because of addiction issues or any of that business. I made the choice because if I didn’t my pancreas would fail and I would be dead in a few months. That is how bad my pancreas was… I do not see myself as someone that is doing all this for attention. I have barely even made mention of this whole story on my social media. I have told people in direct messages, but I do not post everything that is happening in my life on social media.

Granted this Tumblr account is considered social media, but I do not use it for that purpose. It is strictly for my BLOG entries. I do not follow people on Tumblr. I post, get my URL and share it that way. Its not in your face on Facebook or anything, but one can click the link and go read about the crazy things in my head.

Taking care of my mental, physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual health is a full time job in and of itself. Now, currently I cannot work. I can only drive during the day. I cannot see well enough to drive at night.

I have other medical issues stemming from this and it is quite the laundry list. However, I think I gave you all enough to think about.

I am back in great shape now. Since I quit drinking and got back from the hospital I went from 119 to 163 lbs. I have not been this big since 2012. Right before I believe my Diabetic State started. My strength is coming back with a vengeance too. I am putting up more weight than I have in nearly a decade.

I have had to make serious and big changes to EVERYTHING in my life.

My computer is now changed from dual 22 inch monitors to one 46 inch monitor. I have to make changes like this just to see well enough to do some things on the computer.

I am still very blind. My vision has decent days and some days I cannot see much of anything. I cannot see my phone without a magnifying glass. I just got my eyes looked at several times cause my power keeps shifting and now my current glasses setup does not exactly help much. My computer glasses are ok for this, but my normal bifocals are pretty useless.

However; I do feel like I can write a little bit more now. I have a few blogs I want to write and then go right back into the novel. This might be the only realistic possibility of me being able to work to earn my keep. Normal 9-5, Monday-Friday are out of the question, indefinitely.

Not only am I not well enough for the grind, physically. My mental health is very questionable. I have had issues for years now. I have had about 20 jobs in 15 years. I have done a real number on my mental health over the years. Always trying to do more, work harder than the next person so I can make that “good money” that some always throw in my face. I did the work. I put in the time, but only to be messed with. Yes, I have that sort of mental issue.

One tries to mess with me. Mess with the positive shit I am doing. I lose my head pretty quick. I have repeatedly demonstrated over the course of my life that I have no restraint at all when it comes to that feeling of being seriously fucked with and have them look at you like; “What are you gonna do about it?”

Well that is it… I always do something about it. Even when I know I shouldn’t. It is my worst impulsive trait that I cannot get a handle on. Ever since I was a kid. I wanna say. It started when I was 11 or so.

I have made huge strides in changing my life, my thinking and how I fit into the scheme of things. I have become more an introvert than an extrovert. Even before the pandemic I was going out less and less. Doing things less and less. It got to a point to where I only went out when I could drink and/or the band was playing. I was already becoming less social. So this is nothing overly drastic about that UNLESS you count Facebook activity.

I have not advertised much on my Facebook and for good reasons… I posted about my 6 months of sobriety and the responses I got were all about, pressing on and “the struggle.”

I pulled it down. There was no struggle here. I am not a keep on keepin’ on mannnnnn… Type of Personality… No… I quit drinking so I can live another 10-15, hopefully more, years.  I just went through a friend dying from literally drinking himself to death. I know what people go through with their addiction struggles. I have my own reservations about how I feel about said subject matter.

Needless to say I did not appreciate how people view me on Facebook. I no longer post blogs their either. I post here on tumblr and put a link on my Facebook if anyone wants to read. That is about it.

I know people do not read more than a handful of sentences that ends with a weird hashtag or snapchat handle. I get it. It is also my fault because I have not told the Facebook wall/timeline of my mental and medical conditions and struggles. I reserve those conversations to be personal.

So if you want to know stuff, then let us get personal. Pretty much that simple. I do not do FAKE FRIENDS…

I try to be transparent. In the past it was easy, but now everyone has an opinion that they call facts. I do not know how many people I blocked on Facebook for being so damn ignorant or attention seeking.

I know I do not do attention seeking things. When I write it is with intention to say something. I would say 1600+ words on these subjects merits a little more than “attention seeking” behavior…

Things are looking up. I have done soooooooooo much. With so very little and make it look like I have a lot and that everything is fine. No. God Damnit… Everything is not fine. I am kicking ass trying to make something fine but not everything. Everything will never be FINE… Not ever. However, I can strive for it. I can continue to put in that work and just ignore the dumb shit. Which I am becoming pretty good at. I am still me. I am still blunt. If I rough feathers that is just my way of getting those people away from me.

Goodbye 2020… You will never be forgotten and your mark has definitely been left…

2020… My Life… Everything Else Is Just Blurry… By David-Angelo Mineo Words 1,738  12/30/2020

[medellia-of-the-vast-oceans]

Everyone who's followed me for a long time might remember my constant cry for love all the time in my posts. Usually it were something along the lines of "the only thing I need right now is for someone to want to spend the rest of their life with me" and how that was all I needed for my misery to go away. The truth is that I was a very miserable person. I was well aware of the fact that I idolised love perhaps a little bit too much but as the emotional ENFJ I am, are you surprised? I love being in love. I love to love and admire. and what I love even more is to be there for the one that I love. Give them all that they want because they deserve it. But I can't do it for the sake of it. It has to be real. I've not always been like this though, I realised this right before I finished therapy 5 years ago. However, I wasn't as miserable then as I was a year ago though because back then I was hopeful. In the beginning of last year I was devastated. 4 years had passed and my relationship status on Facebook had remained single throughout the whole time, however it felt like I had been in relationships with different people for 3 years. But just as it was about to get serious, something happened and whatever we had was just... Gone.

 If this is what I had to go through to get to where I am today, then I can honestly say that it was worth it. Sure, I must admit that God went a little overboard with teaching me a lesson about true love. I really could've done without some of it, so yep, I think I'll stick to my agnostic beliefs but I get it now and for as long as I live, there won't be a single day when I wont appreciate what I have. Every time he tells me "Jag älskar dig" is a reminder of that I'm not only loved, but I'm allowed to love as well. And another reminder that, as long as you are open for love... Then it could happen to you. Which is a message I will forward to anyone who needs to hear it. As miserable as I might have been, I never fully stopped believing in love nor did I closed the door and isolated myself. If someone truly wanted me, then they could always knock (in other words, send me a message on here like my fiance did).

So let's go back to the time when I would claim that "love would heal me" and "love would fix all my problems". So did all those claims turn out to be true in the end? Yeah, kinda. I've grown enormously as a person and most of all as an adult. I've never felt more ready to get married and start a family. Yep, that's true. We're engaged. We have plans for a lot of things that will affect us for the rest of our lives, both in positive and less positive ways. I've gotten used to the thought of marriage now and I'm excited, but sadly there's that thing where someone has to leave their home country and move across the ocean. However, I'm pretty sure I can speak for both of us in that we knew from the start that us was meant to be and whatever obstacle we face, we'll face together. I truly feel like he healed me, and he continue to do so every day. Mentally, definitely but the truth is that when I visited him last time I also noticed that my neck and shoulder pain disappeared. Sadly, I had a terrible cold most of the days but when I came home I also noticed I had more energy in my body. I walked faster and I felt more awake. So who knows, maybe he's the medicine I need for my hypothyroidism? :P

Because yeah, I must admit... As much as I'm in love and all that, I've not been able to shake off how I feel about my hypothyroidism. The illness has been very prominent the last few months and I have been very sick for time to time. Still is and I've been very scared because this time I have something to lose. It has also been very painful to not been able to be there for him as much as I'd like to. I've learnt something new in that, it's ok to let others care and help me when I need it though. To me it just feel unfair considering how much I've done for others, who have later screwed me over and then when I meet the person who's the one who really deserved all of that, I'm kinda.. drained and worn out. However, judging from the week we had together I might be able to give him much more eventually considering how much his presence gave me energy :) but besides that. hell yeah! I knew I was right! I knew love was what I needed to cure my misery :) and if you read the whole post that many hugs to you. If you're happily in love then that's great. If you're not, then remember to DON'T STOP BELIEVING (I'm not referencing Journey here, cuz that would be silly and I'm dead-fucking-serious right now, honestly. For the love of God, don't stop believe in the fact that you deserve love) don't close any doors, don't isolate yourself, if you like someone - message or talk to them, just say hi! Ask them about how they're doing. Be patient. I think it took us almost 8-9 months before we hit it off. I can't speak for him but when he first contacted me I never thought we'd end up where we are today. So it turns out you live on the opposite sides of the world? Well, so does Alex and I! That doesn't make it impossible. Now thanks for reading this. Take care everyone ❤️

[cartiabianchi]

{ CINDY KIMBERLY . CIS FEMALE .  21 . SHE/HER}  did you see that { CARTIA BIANCHI } just pulled up in hidden hills with { DEVON MAIN } sitting next to them in the passengers seat - isn’t that cute ! you know, for a { MODEL }, i’ve heard they’re really { BITCHY }, but that they make up for it by being so { LOYAL }. i see them all the time on snapchat && yesterday in US WEEKLY i read that they { HAVE } 2 kids - can you believe that ?!

some basics;

Cartia Bianchi is 21 years old.

She was born on September 23rd

Mother to Ronnie (3) with Vinny  and Olive (8 Months) with Devon

She was born and raised in Miami Florida with a single mom who had no clue what she was doing. She had her at 16 and it was a mess.

Lives HERE.

Model, Youtuber, Vlogs, Tik Tok’s, Music Video Girl and does lots of work with companies on collaborating and representing their companies products.

Also has money from her dad’s side of the family that she has saved up for years that accumulated overtime. Her dad being a big druglord sucked except for the cash constantly put in her savings accounts.

As soon as Cartia hit her teenage years, she was forced into sleeping and partying with older men by her own mother.

Her mom, Serenah, was just as reckless and would bring Cartia alongside her to bars and events. Father is in jail for life.

He could easily have other kids out there, Serenah doesn’t check her facebook messages.

When she was just 16, a local rapper used her in his video and promised to make her blow up in payment for being the star of it. He wasn’t lying. From there, she was in and became a model.

Best friends with Jordyn since she moved out to LA at 17. That’s how and where she met Vinny & co!

as a mother;

Ronnie Giancola was born 3 years ago and has more of Vinny’s traits than Cartia’s. He has dirty blonde hair, her dark eyes and skin, but his lips are just like daddy’s.

Olive Kay Main was born 8 months ago and is a perfect mixture of her mommy and daddy! She has rare, beautiful eyes, the sweetest smile that will make you melt and truly is such a daddy’s girl.

She had to leave her relationship with Vinny, but more importantly as a mother to Ronnie for her mental health when she suffered PPD 6 months after having him.

Cartia is super overprotective and hard on herself as a mom.

She is currently working on her relationship with Ronnie alongside Vinny as parents to him, hoping she can win her son back over and help him become accustomed to being with her and living with her as well.

She wants to be the mother to her kids that she never had. That includes discipline and shielding her kiddos from the world of things they’re too young for or not ready to take on.

Cartia is the kind that dresses her baby girl head to toe in matching designer fits, is getting her into baby modeling and barely trust anyone to hold her.

Olive is already tiktok famous and has an amazingly cute personality! She is full of giggles and loves to love on her mama. But people don’t know exactly who she is because Cartia keeps her name private, especially with Devon’s fame level.

Though Serenah wants to be in Olive’s life, she makes no effort to come out to LA and visit her. She posts photos on facebook or instagram that she has taken from Cartia and it annoys her to no end.

As a baby mama, she is tough. She is overbearing but giving her background, it makes sense? She never had a father in her life, so is afraid of her baby daddies getting overwhelmed by her, but at the end of the day, she has to put her kids first.

background;

Half spanish, half indonesian.

Has modeled since she was 12. 

Knows social media plays a huge factor in her success and growing following, so she vlogs and tik toks regularly.

Cartia has worked with MK, Rhianna, Kim K, D&G and many more.

She’s constantly rumored to have dated rappers after the video of her at 16, but she never confirms or denies allegations. Paying attention to a story is too much work for her.

Is in love with the idea of a family with Vinny, but in love with Devon in a different way. But the fact that both had other children and seemed to move on from her has her still struggling with anxiety.

Edgar, her father, was in jail for life for trafficking drugs and other crimes. She is daddy’s princess and he would lose it if he finds out about what his side piece, Serenah, did to his own daughter. He is SO overprotective but serving life in prision?

Neither Vinny or Devon know about the full extent of the trash things her mother put her through. She knows she needs to open up to someone else about it, she does, but is too afraid to. It’s too much vulnerabilty for her at this point. Even though she’s literally had their babies. They know that her mom had her doing bad things, but not exactly what she endured and for how long.

Hasn’t had a drink in a while, she still breast feeds and plans to for a long time with Olive. She didn’t with Ronnie and is doing everything she can to prevent PPD from happening again. She has taken placenta pills and does weekly therapy sessions.

Wishes Devon didn’t get someone else pregnant while she was. Thought that he was into her, but understands why he’s wonky about her, questions her feelings for Vinny and knows she has to fix her shit.

personality;

100% a Libra

She comes off as bitch to most, but has a soft spot for those she loves. Protects them like her life depends on it.

That mom bitching at others in line places if they mess with her kids.

Cartia will fight anyone about anything. Even if she is on the wrong standpoint of things, she will never back down or admit her wrongs.

Always willing to throw hands when she has to for anyone.

This girl loves to drink now that she is of age, but hasn’t in a long damn time. She’s been sneaking vodka and wine for far too long so invite her to the bar or over for drinks and she’ll be the happiest girl ever.

Food is something she struggles with. It’s hard to keep model thin, especially post baby, so she loves to be active and has an in-home gym because deep down she is afraid of being judged.

Making friends doesn’t come easy for her, she was homeschooled for high school because of her mom’s constant troubles with truancy and Cartia’s lack of care or drive for anything involving school work.

Traveling is her favorite thing to do. Even if it’s just a road trip or a private jet, she’s game.

She really needs mom friends!

[cindylouwho-2]

RECENT NEWS, RESOURCES & STUDIES, late February 2020

Welcome to my latest summary of recent ecommerce news, resources & studies including search, analytics, content marketing, social media & Etsy! This covers articles I came across since the early February report, although some may be older than that. I am a bit behind due to my trip last week and other events, but some things here are a bit time-sensitive so I wanted to release this now. 

I am still looking into setting up a new ecommerce business forum where we can discuss this sort of news, as well as any day-to-day issues we face. I need some good suggestions for a cheap or free forum space that has some editing tools, is fairly intuitive for inexperienced members, and is accessible. If you have any suggestions, please reply to this post, email me on my website, or send me a tweet. (I will put out a survey once we narrow this down to some good candidates, but if you have any other comments on what you want from such a forum, please include those too!)

As always, if you see any stories I might be interested in, please let me know!

TOP NEWS & ARTICLES 

Since we are seeing more shops closed due to Etsy’s customer service level standards, my blog post on ODR now has major revisions explaining what we have learned, and includes some tips for staying out of trouble and if necessary, appealing a suspension. Please circulate the info widely, as many sellers still haven’t heard about this, and some were closed without having any clue this was possible. 

Mobile continues to grow while desktop use is slowly shrinking. It should affect how we design web pages. “Mobile visitors also behave differently from their desktop web counterparts, staying on pages for shorter periods of time, for example.” Other interesting takeaways from this SimilarWeb report: “[Facebook] lost 8.6% of [web] traffic over the past year alone” but increased in app sessions. 

The price of domains ending in “.com” will almost certainly be going up soon, and will go up most years after that, unless something changes at the last minute. If you are absolutely certain that you will continue to use the same domain name for your website, blog, ecommerce forwarding etc., then you might consider paying a few years in advance to save a few bucks. 

Another article explaining how people are selling thrift store and vintage clothing on Instagram, without setting up a checkout/cart anywhere. (The article focusses on teenagers, but does reference other examples.)

ETSY NEWS 

Two weeks ago, Etsy Support posted on Twitter that they were no longer monitoring the account, and asked everyone to use the help page maze instead when they need support. Forum thread here.  

Another trend report for 2020 from Dayna Isom Johnson [podcast links & transcript] She leads off with tips on how to get featured: “ so it's incredibly important to see a bright representation that really clearly shows your product...Do be original. I'm always trying to find the latest and the greatest that isn’t already on the shelves...Do be inclusive. ... I'm talking about models of all ethnicities, all genders, all body types, all ages.” Etsy chose chartreuse as their colour of the year: “in the last three months, there's been a 12% increase in searches for green already, and a 55% increase in neon green.” The wedding trends part was mostly already covered in a blog post, but she does also answer a few seller questions. 

Website user experience (UX) is a big part of getting people to convert, and an outside group ranks Etsy’s as “acceptable”. Many will be unsurprised that search gets a score of “mediocre” and Accounts & Self-Service get a “poor” grade.  

The migration to Google Cloud services is complete, so now Etsy can run more experiments more often, including those involving AI. (Although the forum thread was laughing at the idea of bad reviews helping shops, there is actually some research supporting that, so it is a logical thing to test.)

Etsy sellers in the US, UK & Canada who use Instagram can apply to win a trip to Etsy HQ here, until March 1.

Etsy is launching an Etsy U program which just seems a bit sketchy. Forum thread here.

Reverb (owned by Etsy) named a new Chief Technology Officer on Feb. 18.

SEO: GOOGLE & OTHER SEARCH ENGINES 

Google does not confirm every large search update, so this one remains a mystery at the moment, since Google refused to give an answer. That means it’s not a core update. 

Another video (with subtitles in several languages) from the SEO for Beginners series from Google, on the basics you need for good website SEO. 

If you are interested in “searcher intent”, this 500 person survey asks about what people are really looking for, and what they think of the search results the end up with. Overwhelmingly, they say they prefer organic results to ads, and the majority see targeted ads that they can’t figure out the reason/s behind. “Sixty-eight percent responded that Google adding more ads to the search results would make them want to use the search engine less.” Also, a slight majority preferred text results to images, video, & audio. “When asked which factor had the most significant impact on their decision to click a result, 62.9% responded it was the description, followed by 24.2% who said the brand name, and 13% who said title.” That means that the first part of your Etsy listing description, or the coded meta description on a page on your website, has the most influence on people clicking on your link once they see it. 

I usually strongly suggest that people setting up their own websites make sure they do some SEO work & keyword research for their category/shop section pages, and it turns out that there is new research showing I am correct. “Specifically, e-commerce category pages – which include parent category, subcategory and product grid pages with faceted navigation – ranked for 19% more keywords on average than product detail pages ranked for. The additional keywords they ranked for drove an estimated 413% more traffic, based on the keywords’ search demand and the pages’ ranking position. With optimization, those ranking category pages also showed the potential to drive 32% more traffic.”

Semi-advanced: explaining the (seemingly endless) debate on whether subdomains or subdirectories are better for SEO. 

SEO study - do you really need to use H1 tags on a page? Maybe not, although some screen readers recognize them as the page title so they help with accessibility. (Etsy & many other marketplaces don’t let you make this coding choice, so don’t worry about it there.)

Confused about how to apply all of these SEO tips I post here to your Shopify site? Good news! Here’s a list of what is most important for Shopify SEO. Note the attention to setting up your category pages, which is something I completely agree with. (it’s by Ahrefs so of course it pushes their tools; you don’t need to pay for that.)

CONTENT MARKETING & SOCIAL MEDIA (includes blogging & emails) 

Some businesses say social media doesn’t work, but maybe they aren’t doing it right. See if you are making one or more of these three mistakes. “Understanding who your target audience is - what they want, what they need, where you fit in, etc. - is critical to maximizing your social media marketing performance.”

Email marketing also works better if you do it right, so here are 5 things you might be doing wrong. And if you like a quick read, here’s an infographic on the psychology of email marketing. 

8 ideas for getting more interactions on Facebook (detailed infographic).

More fourth quarter reports continue: Pinterest’s 4th quarter revenue was up 46% but they lost $1.36 billion, and they are introducing a verified merchant program. “Almost all (97%) of the top searches on Pinterest are unbranded, according to the company, giving merchants a chance to stand out.”

Want to tap into that Pinterest traffic? You should because “90% of weekly Pinterest users log in to make buying decisions.”  Here are 10 ways to get more attention, followers, and pins. 

Like almost all social media, Twitter has an algorithm that mediates what users see (although you can turn it off, or use apps such as Tweetdeck to get around it as a reader). Ranking factors include recency, engagement, media and activity. The article includes a few tips on how to make it work for you, but then slides into promoting its app as the solution - you can just skip that part. 

ONLINE ADVERTISING (SEARCH ENGINES, SOCIAL MEDIA, & OTHERS) 

Google search ads get more results than Facebook and Instagram, simply because more people who see them want to buy something. “Less expensive products tend to sell better than more expensive ones on Facebook and Instagram, per the study.”

If you are running ads where you can choose your keywords, don’t forget to examine your organic search results and impressions for new words to advertise. Google Search Console is a great source.

If you found Instagram ads too expensive, check out this post on how the ads are priced, which can help you make decisions on your spend. 

ECOMMERCE NEWS, IDEAS, TRENDS 

Amazon has nearly 40% of the US ecommerce market, according to a report by eMarketer. Etsy is not in the top 10; eBay is 3rd behind Walmart. 

Sales on Shopify sites during the Black Friday-Cyber Monday long weekend went up 61% to $3 billion in 2019. They claim that the “direct -to-consumer” approach can be successful for both big & small brands. 

Japanese authorities are going after Rakuten for the ecommerce company’s push to make its sellers offer free shipping. 

eCommerceBytes’ annual Sellers Choice survey placed eBay first out of the online marketplaces that were rate. Note that this is not a scientific survey and largely covers the site’s readership only. Bonanza was the most improved & Etsy showed the worst drop (from 1st to 5th place). 

A review of that article last month that says ecommerce sites should have info pages as well as product pages, if only for SEO reasons. The author approves. 

The CBC show Marketplace did a large test buying branded items on AliExpress, Amazon, eBay, Walmart and Wish. It turns out that most were fake. 

Facebook’s cryptocurrency plans (Libra) finally have a partner: Shopify. The potential benefits include no credit card processing fees. 

BUSINESS & CONSUMER STUDIES, STATS & REPORTS; SOCIOLOGY & PSYCHOLOGY, CUSTOMER SERVICE 

Younger people (think Gen Z) expect to see gender treated expansively and beyond traditional stereotypes, and they expect this from companies and advertising. “Half of women and four in 10 men in the U.S. now believe that there is a spectrum of gender identities, according to a recent Ipsos poll titled "The Future of Gender is Increasingly Nonbinary." An additional 16% of those surveyed said they know a person who identifies as transgender”

MISCELLANEOUS (including humour) 

Google employees are pushing back against the sea change in the company’s culture and values - and some are being fired. 

Turns out that the “Peleton Wife” ad might not have hurt them as much as you might think. However, their stock dropped 12% after the fourth quarter report showed a 77% increase in revenue that still managed to be below market predictions. Interesting discussion around going viral in a negative fashion.

[geraltofbrokilon]

Depression monday post.

You are born, you have zero acknowledgement of life.

You are a toddler shapes and colors excite you to death.

You are an infant, 2 years old almost or already can speak.

You are a child, pre school or kindergarten you’re sad because you’re taken away from the only environment that you’ve ever known.

5 years old, kids are kids there’s games and coloring books and cute catchy songs.

6 years old, a bit harder subjects but you have to go to this “school” and do your homework. Why? You have no idea. You just do it because thats how life is for everyone around you who’s as older as you.

7 years old, Things are getting a bit harder. At this point you’re either the talkative type or the shy type.

8 years old, You’re now fully aware of the situation of school. You have favorite things, food, colors, cartoons, favorite teacher.

9 years old, you’re getting smarter, now you begin to understand things you couldn’t understand before, you’re not completely aware of your emotional status tho. But you do feel fear and anxiety and insecurity because your teacher hate you and make fun of you in front of the entire class.

10 years old, panic mode when it comes to school from now on, you don’t speak to anyone. You dont want them to make fun of you and hurt you. You sit your ass down and stay as quiet as possible and you cannot wait for the day to end so you can get home and be safe privately.

11 years old, you’re either being shadowed by other kids or getting recognized by them. It feels like its always been this way since forever for you. The kids in the school bus still make fun of you, staring at you, giving you weird looks.

12 your body is developing and you don’t understand it. Some other kids already developed, you dont understand why they’re so popular in school and everyone is giving their attention to them. But at least you have your only friend.

13 your body has developed you are now a woman, no longer a child, but thats your body and not your mind. You still play alone in your room. But this time... this time.. they throw wet paper towels at you.

Follow you down the corridors

Sing insulting songs right behind your back.

Make jokes about your name.

Make fun of your glasses.

And it got physical.

They pulled your hair. You pulled back.

They pushed you, you pushed back.

They pulled you from your backpack and made you fall. You got up.

Your only two friends ditched you for new friends.

You’re alone.

You dont know how to cope.

Your family is busy with their lives and work

You enter your room alone.

You spend the day alone.

You don’t feel like going out.

You do not feel like meeting other people.

You do not your nightmare to become a reality for a second time.

You just cant deal with it anymore.

Crying only make you feel worse

And mornings are hell arent a bliss.

School is hell and kids are satan

You no longer have the desire to live.

14 you had to change schools. It was cold at first, lonely, but its for the best nobody knows you here. They cant make fun of you no more. You still have your room that you spend your time alone in.

15 things are getting a bit better, another new school, couple of new friends, you are now fully aware of your emotional status and you can feel things that you haven’t felt before. You are aware of your future you just wanna finish highschool at this point. School doesn’t interest you, all what you care about is the friends who wanna hang out with you and talk to you. You feel important for the first time in your life.

16 years old, best year ever, made a squad of friends, we hang out everyday after school, we have our own little adventures and stories, we laugh we cry we visit each other’s houses, and you’re actually acknowledged between them. They like you.

And thats all what you care about. Your friends.

School still don’t interest you.

17 the big year that will determine your future is here, but you have no idea what you’re going to be, growing up you were busy patching your scars and afraid of bullies, it blocked your mind. You say you’ll figure it out one day you tell yourself that you have to go through this one last year to see what happens.

18 you’ve finished highschool. But no college has accepted you your grades weren’t high enough. You were busy about finally having friends and feeling loved snd important you were being busy thanking the stars that its finally normal for you like how its supposed to be. Having friends who acknowledge you for who you are. School was mandatory for you, when you started you didn’t have a clue or a choice, you were too young on making future decisions . and when you were old enough to make a choice you were too terrified by by the teachers who bullied you and insulted you, by the students who did the same but with bigger numbers. You were still healing even tho you have a couple of good years with friends in them. Some scars never truly heal.

School was never your good place. Your safe haven. You never got excited at the thought of school. You don’t have dreams no more.

It was your nightmare

A real devilish nightmare that you got sick of. You cannot stand the idea of school no more, no wonder nothing inspired you. Because your heart was being poked and torn and your world was taken away from you.

School no longer interest you in what it has to offer long time ago. And you couldn’t care less.

You grew up. You never had anyone to love you, truly love you. You gave up on many things, the thought of friends no longer interest you, you’ve grown out of it, you don’t want or need it.

The thought of love make you laugh, what an absurd joke it is for you. Because it’s all just a mean joke and a game.

You spend your time alone, you read, you write, you play video games, you draw, you paint, you watch movies, you do sports, you look for a job, you work, you come home again. Alone.

You could have made new friends at your work place. You probably have a good two or three good relationship with your coworkers, but never outside of work.

You don’t know how to take the initiative. You don’t know how to make new friendships.

Because that what you supposed to learn in school. And school failed you.

You no longer care about anything.

Nothing interest you.

Nothing sparks your soul.

You feel like you’re standing alone, naked in the dark.

No compass

Nothing to guide you.

You either abuse drugs or alcohol or both.

You never get out anymore.

You either spend your time playing video games or watching movies.

You eat and sleep and do everything from your bed now. You can barely get up.

Some old friends from school pop up on your facebook page, all of them are married or expecting or just got married.

And you’re alone.

No friends.

No one to love you.

Family is a mess and they cant truly understand you.

You’re looking for a connection for something to light you up like a christmas tree.

But you found none.

Whats the meaning of life?

Humans are garbage to you now, because they are.

They kill, they cheat, they lie, they hurt.

You start to think that you don’t want to have kids

Why bring a child to this cruel society

Why bring a child here to this world so they’d grow up either afraid or too mean. You can build them up to be kind but you have no purpose to do that, you feel everything is uselss.

Your kid might go through the same school experience you went through.

You explain why you couldn’t pass college.

You tell them that education doesn’t interest you.

You’re uncomfortable sitting close to other people, who are not at all friendly and some ghosted you. You feel that you don’t need that shit again. You keep quiet and keep your distance from everyone.

They go to meet in bars, you decide to go one night, everyone role their eyes, you feel rejected immediately. You can sense their vibe they dont want you to be there.

You ignore your feeling and tell yourself that you’re being parranoid.

You go to the bar again next week and no one is there. You check you phone you find that they are hanging out. But at a different bar.

You say fuck em all and go home.

You stay in your room alone.

You once loved to become successful but you couldn’t.

You drop out of college. You’re done with society standards. You’ve already learn so much more than any school can teach you.

Your parents ask you why you ditched school

You tell them that you felt like suffocating. It felt more like wasting time to you. Because it was. To you.

You say what’s the point.

Why does anyone have to live like this?

You work hard, you prefer working because it actually pays real money that help you live the life you want. Rich or poor its all pile of shit upon pile of shit. A paycheck is a paycheck.

Your life still loveless.

Nothing light you up. They have killed your soul long time ago.

You finally make a decision

And its the only decision that actually lights you up like a fucking christmas tree.

You broke your soul free of your body.

And now you no longer feel your pain.

Its over. Its done. You’re never coming back.

Depression is real.

Mental health is important.

Be kind. You never know when someone is having a bad day.

In a world of darkness be a shining light.

Teach your kids to be kind.

Stop bullying.

Words hurt a way a lot more than actions.

Actions light you up and make you feel alive more than words do.