#feels weird to do her first when Normal was the main character in my dream

[cerealforkart]

Animated Dungeons and Daddies Superhero movie that doesn’t actually exist but I watched Spiderverse on new episode day and had a really vivid dream about it part 1, it’s Scary!

[Taylor] [Normal] [Lincoln]

Backstory under the cut

Once upon a time, Theresa “Terry” Marlowe was just like all the other girls. She loved playing soccer and spending time with her best friend, her mom, more than anything else, but everything changed when her new stepdad-also named Terry (ugh!)-entered the picture. While the newly restructured Marlowe family were moving Terry Jr. into their house, Terry the teenager accidentally broke a fishing lure that her new stepdad really should have packed better if it was so fragile and important. Since this incident, Terry has had a whisper in her ear and a power at her fingertips she can use to shape her world however she wants to. Armed with a “friendly” new guide and an awesome new power, Terry Marlowe is dead, and two new persona rise from the ashes, by day, she’s Scary Marlowe, goth-punk seeker of darkness, and by night, she has some sort of superhero name that I haven’t chosen yet, goth-punk enactor of horrors... Or something like that.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Hey have you broken down Marinette's crush on Adrien and the ways in which it

A) misrepresents how teen girls get crushes on people they actually know and

B) sets Marinette up to seem really weird in a way the show literally cannot address because the universe thinks it's fine?

I know you can't prevent people from misinterpreting your show, but i think at the point where a significant portion of your audience and people with secondhand knowledge think of your main character as a stalker, that's a breakdown of communication on the writers part.

I've mentioned it offhand a few times, but I can go into it in more depth because it is a pretty massive writing flaw for reasons we're about to get into.

Marinette is not written like a teenager with a crush on her friend. She's not even written like a stalker. She's written like a teenager with a celebrity crush or a crush on a fictional character. In fact, if you go read fics from when the show first started airing, then you'll find that a lot of people assumed that Marinette's crush came from before she met Adrien or that it was rooted in a love of his professional work. That she was a fan who suddenly got to meet her idol and didn't know how to handle that.

I completely understand why that read was so popular. It's the only thing that makes sense! I assumed that was the case, too, until we got to Origins and her crush suddenly went from "obvious celebrity crush" to "crush with actual depth that's just been badly written."

While I'm ace, most of my friends are not, so I am very familiar with the experience of teenage girls getting crushes. I'm also deeply familiar with the experience of teenage girls getting crushes on celebrities and fictional characters. I, unfortunately, also know quite a bit about stalking. The three experiences are wildly different. For now, let's focus on the first two.

Celebrity crushes and crushes on fictional characters are experiences rooted in fantasy. You can be as over the top as you want because you know that nothing will come of this. You can go to a concert and scream the cute boy's name or have his posters all over your walls or publicly squeal about him with your friends without caring if people overhear because you don't expect him to ever care or even learn about your behavior. You know that you will never actually date him. He's a dream. A fantasy. A thing that will never be. That's the fun of this kind of crush. There's freedom in it. (This isn't unique to hetero crushes, btw, this was just an example based on my lived experience.)

I have strong memories of my best friend acting like Marinette, but only when it came to fictional men. When she was crushing on guys that she actually knew? The experience was wildly different because it was real. This could actually be a thing. She's not the only woman that I can say that about, either. I had many friends who had a celebrity or fictional crush and none of them ever carried that behavior over to their "real world" crushes. The stakes with the "real world" crushes were far too high for that sort of freedom.

Writing Marinette like someone with a celebrity crush is a terrible call on multiple levels. The most obvious issue is that it makes her look unhinged and creepy. While I don't agree with this take, I'm not surprised that people label her a stalker because celebrity crush behavior feels really creepy when it's applied to a person that you actually know. Whenever stories do the thing where someone meets their celebrity crush and actually gets to know them, there's normally a noticeable shift in their behavior as the character mentally goes, "Oh shit, you're real now." They lose the freedom that came with this being a mere fantasy.

The other issue with this writing choice is that it makes Marinette's crush feel superficial. The show spends hours letting her fantasize and obsess over Adrien, but rarely lets her actually spend time with the poor guy! It's incredibly awkward writing. You could have Adrien be a celebrity that Marinette never met and a lot of the episodes wouldn't change. That's not a great choice if your goal is to write an actual romance. Romances generally let the romantic leads interact.

As creepy and awkward as Marinette's writing can be, I will stand by my statement that she's not a stalker. She's nowhere near that unhinged. She's not stealing Adrien's things or following him home every day or breaking into his private spaces because she knows that they have a "special connection". We're never once made to feel like she's making him uncomfortable or harassed. Those are the kinds of things that stalkers do. They're delusional and divorced from reality. Do any of you really believe that Marinette would keep pursuing Adrien if he told her to back off? Hopefully the answer is "no" and, if so, then she's really not written like a "true" stalker because true stalkers just get dangerous when you say "no." They don't respect things like firm boundaries or restraining orders.

Watching Adrien's public appearances isn't violating his privacy and that's mostly what Marinette does. The rare occasions where she follows him somewhere private mostly revolve around someone else doing something questionable first, making Marinette's actions less "I want to see Adrien" and more "I'm worried for Adrien's safety and I'm doing something questionable because of that". The first is the behavior of a stalker, the second is... well, I'm not going to call it good behavior, but it's certainly not straight up bad behavior because the show isn't treating these moments as wrong so it's less Marinette being wrong and more the writers making really questionable writing choice. I mean, one of her break-ins was literally forced on her and orchestrated by her friend group! (See: Gabriel Agreste)

In fact, most of Marinette's creepiest behaviors fall under the "questionable writing choice" category as they're often just very obvious jokes of questionable quality. For example, I've seen people freak out about her having Adrien's schedule and it's like, guys, you do realize that was literally impossible, right? She claimed it was his schedule for the next three years! Nathalie doesn't even have that! You don't schedule things that far in advance unless it's a major event. It's impossible to take this claim seriously if you think about it for five seconds.

If you wanted to treat this schedule claim seriously and have it match the show's tone, then you'd have to tone Marinette's claim down, too. It would go from having his schedule for the next three years to just being aware of what he does on a weekly basis because they're friends and in the same class and you just sort of learn this stuff if you pay attention. How does Marinette know that Adrien has fencing on Wednesday? Because he has fencing every Wednesday. That's how this stuff tends to work.

I don't blame anyone for disliking the way that Marinette's crush was written. I don't like it either! It leaves a lot to be desired! The show would have been much better if they scrapped using Marinette's crush as the main source of comedy, but then they would have had to let Marinette and Adrien become close and we can't have that because it breaks the formula. The simple truth of the matter is that Marinette is written the way she is as a stalling tactic, which the episode Simpleman straight up admits:

Marinette: What am I doing, honestly? The truth is, I'm scared that Adrien will reject me if I tell him how I feel about him. That's why I over complicate everything, so that moment never comes.

In this scene, Marinette is claiming that this is a her thing, but it's really more of a writing thing. Miraculous is a formula show. Part of the formula is the akuma/sentimonster of the week and part of the formula is Marinette trying and failing to confess her crush. The show makes this pretty obvious, but if you want a more official source that this is what's going on, then here you go:

[The writing director] sold the Miraculous series to broadcasters as a formula show.... [This is why] Marinette tries to confess her love for Adrien in every episode, but is unable to do so.

They made Marinette's failure to confess part of the weekly formula which means that there can never be any romantic progress, thus Marinette being written like a fan obsessed with her idol instead of a teenage girl with very real feelings for her kind sweet friend. The first makes for an easy formula, the second won't work in that model. It requires there to be progress and a planned endgame. I'm not against formula shows, but this is a terrible element to make part of the formula!

The same issue plagues Adrien, too. It's the main reason why Chat Noir can come across as overly pushy. He's not allowed to move on just like Marinette isn't allowed to confess her feelings because they're the endgame couple. But we keep pushing back the endgame by adding seasons and so it's all become a total mess with terrible pacing and awkward, unhealthy relationships dynamics that really aren't suited to the genres or audience that Miraculous is clearly aiming for.

[a-sociopath-do-your-research]

Hello Everypony :3

finally doing one of these, lol

💙About me!💜

Welcome to my blog for,,, everything! No sideblogs around here we die like men/j

My name is Oliver, but you can also call me oli! (ive got other names too, but that's the main one, check my pronouns page for the whole list!)

Xe/Void/Fox/It/They pronouns but get silly with it, i dont mind!! (except she/her)

We're a system! We dont talk about it a lot but sometimes it comes up yay!!

important post you should read!

I write and draw tho i am better at writing, lmao

@inky-drawings is my lovely girlfriend whom i love very much<333

@azamonvoid is my sib from another crib whom if i dont see soon heads will start rolling<3

@lmanburgseulogy SUPER AMAZING person (cough im copying part of the intro from bug), also my twin o7

@willthemicrowave AMAZING DUDE. Tem you're super cool

❌DNIs❌

cc!Wilbur and/or cc!Dream Team supporters. If i ever post about them its the characters.

-> also, if you see me reblogging from someone who supports them, please warn me!

Anyone who engages in discourse, esp syscourse. I do not care, let people live. Any interaction about it will be ignored and/or deleted. This isnt the place for it.

People in poppytwt/blr. I understand some people write it or engage in it to cope, but it personally just makes us uncomfortable. Thank you.

Just in general hateful people. Transphobes, terfs, homophobes, misogyinists misandrists ect ect. It is not that hard to leave people alone, and if you can't, get out.

✨ (main) Fandoms!! ✨

Hermitcraft/Life series!! My faves are Grian, Etho, Impulse, Zed, Jimmy and Mumbo (not in that order)

-> i engage in shipping the characters, quite a lot,,, if it makes you uncomfortable this ain't the place for you lol

DSMP! my mains are sbi (especially twinsduo you will always be famous to me,,,,), and sometimes feral boys!

-> i dont care most of those people are problematic now, my au just took a general outline of the smp then rewrote everything. There is barely any connection w/actual canon

SCU/Slimecicle cinematic universe!! Blame @alliumsmybeloved for this/j

Hollow Knight! Quirrel, Hornet, Hollow and Ghost are my faves!

-> nothing much other than i hate the traitor lord with a burning passion, lol

and many, many more!! Including percy jackson, portal, ect - these are just the ones im hyperfixating on the most lately!!

⚠ Terms and conditions? ⚠

I'm ok with flirting but ask first just to be sure!

autistic silly little guy. Sometimes i get too much, feel free to tell me if i exagerate and get weird!

-> be nice about it tho, please,,,

send asks send asks!!! They're so silly i love em<333

i do take requests on doodles, headcanons, snippets ect!! It just takes me a bit sometimes to answer!

I have a dsmp/hermitcraft/qsmp/ect au im working on, my magnum opus/j, go check it out it's @the-caladrius-au RAAHHH

I write about the characters, never the ccs.

💬Tag guide!💬

#Oli talks! -> silly tag for everything of mine, rambles,art, writing, reblogs (sometimes,,,)

#shift talks! -> like the above but for shift, one of our other alters :3

#Olis faves -> fav posts and/or posts i want to look back on!

#Oli writes -> pretty self explanitory, for when i write :3

#Oli draws -> for my art n doodles!

#Mutuals my beloveds -> Moot tag!!! For asks or when i talk with/about my mutuals! (if i forget to put it in a post with you, feel free to tell me!)

#nonnies my beloveds -> anon asks

#Beloveds! -> posts about/with @inky-drawings and/or @azamonvoid

#higgs Field au and #HFAU -> posts about my dsmp x Hermitcraft rewrite au

#the multiverse system -> stuff about our system!

#the horrors saga -> the horrors,,,,,, I just wanna write,,,,

#Twinsduo crumbs -> any and all Twinsduo content because I'm normal about them (lie)

-> if i forget to tag things properly feel free to remind me!!!

[plain text under cut]

Hello Everypony :3

finally doing one of these, lol

💙About me!💜

Welcome to my blog for,,, everything! No sideblogs around here we die like men/j

My name is Oliver, but you can also call me oli! (ive got other names too, but that's the main one, check my pronouns page for the whole list!)

They/It/xe pronouns but get silly with it, i dont mind!! (except she/her)

We're a system! We dont talk about it a lot but sometimes it comes up yay!!

important post you should read!

I write and draw tho i am better at writing, lmao

@inky-drawings is my lovely girlfriend whom i love very much<333

@azamonvoid is my sib from another crib whom if i dont see soon heads will start rolling<3

@lmanburgseulogy SUPER AMAZING person (cough im copying part of the intro from bug), also my twin o7

@willthemicrowave AMAZING DUDE. Tem you're super cool

❌DNIs❌

cc!Wilbur and/or cc!Dream Team supporters. If i ever post about them its the characters.

-> also, if you see me reblogging from someone who supports them, please warn me!

Anyone who engages in discourse, esp syscourse. I do not care, let people live. Any interaction about it will be ignored and/or deleted. This isnt the place for it.

People in poppytwt/blr. I understand some people write it or engage in it to cope, but it personally just makes us uncomfortable. Thank you.

Just in general hateful people. Transphobes, terfs, homophobes, misogyinists misandrists ect ect. It is not that hard to leave people alone, and if you can't, get out.

✨ (main) Fandoms!! ✨

Hermitcraft/Life series!! My faves are Grian, Etho, Impulse, Zed, Jimmy and Mumbo (not in that order)

-> i engage in shipping the characters, quite a lot,,, if it makes you uncomfortable this ain't the place for you lol

DSMP! my mains are sbi (especially twinsduo you will always be famous to me,,,,), and sometimes feral boys!

-> i dont care most of those people are problematic now, my au just took a general outline of the smp then rewrote everything. There is barely any connection w/actual canon

SCU/Slimecicle cinematic universe!! Blame @alliumsmybeloved for this/j

Hollow Knight! Quirrel, Hornet, Hollow and Ghost are my faves!

-> nothing much other than i hate the traitor lord with a burning passion, lol

and many, many more!! Including percy jackson, portal, ect - these are just the ones im hyperfixating on the most lately!!

⚠ Terms and conditions? ⚠

I'm ok with flirting but ask first just to be sure!

autistic silly little guy. Sometimes i get too much, feel free to tell me if i exagerate and get weird!

-> be nice about it tho, please,,,

send asks send asks!!! They're so silly i love em<333

i do take requests on doodles, headcanons, snippets ect!! It just takes me a bit sometimes to answer!

I have a dsmp/hermitcraft/qsmp/ect au im working on, my magnum opus/j, go check it out it's @the-caladrius-au RAAHHH

I write about the characters, never the ccs.

💬Tag guide!💬

#Oli talks! -> silly tag for everything of mine, rambles,art, writing, reblogs (sometimes,,,)

#shift talks! -> like the above but for shift, one of our other alters :3

#Olis faves -> fav posts and/or posts i want to look back on!

#Oli writes -> pretty self explanitory, for when i write :3

#Oli draws -> for my art n doodles!

#Mutuals my beloveds -> Moot tag!!! For asks or when i talk with/about my mutuals! (if i forget to put it in a post with you, feel free to tell me!)

#nonnies my beloveds -> anon asks

#Beloveds! -> posts about/with @inky-drawings and/or @azamonvoid

#higgs Field au and #HFAU -> posts about my dsmp x Hermitcraft rewrite au

#the multiverse system -> stuff about our system!

#the horrors saga -> the horrors,,,,,, I just wanna write,,,,

#Twinsduo crumbs -> any and all Twinsduo content because I'm normal about them (lie)

-> if i forget to tag things properly feel free to remind me!!!

[thepunkmuppet]

UNHOLYVERSE CLOSING THOUGHTS YIPPEEEE YIPPEE YIPPEE

it’s 1am and I’ve finished it :)

the plot was fucking amazing as was the writing, it was like a really really good tv show, or maybe an amazing movie (pt1) and its slightly more deranged sequel (pt2 and 3). I think I definitely preferred all things unholy as a whole, but yeah the next parts really did feel very sequel-like, in that the first one was The Story and the second and third were building on that first core story, expanding the characters and world. which ummmm btw the lore is insane??? so much going on lmfao but I think it all worked really well. the fallout boy stuff was fucking wild though icl because WHAT 💀 I’m also obsessed with the idea of god talking to frank in the form of the cardinal dream, that worked soooo well and still leaving it open at the end is great. I’m so glad frank and gerard got a happy ending, I ship those stupid twats SO hard I’m literally clawing at the walls they make me INSANE RRAAHHHH!!! icl I really didn’t care about mikey and ray’s romance like at all but it worked as a source of conflict and was pretty cute

I kind of forgot it was meant to be mcr fanfic for a while lmfao, which brings me on to I guess the most important part which is my main takeaway on the whole rpf thing

as I’ve said in a post before, I really struggle to picture voices and faces accurately in my head when reading. well except when it comes to buffyverse characters, but that’s just because those shows are so deeply ingrained into my psyche forever that istg I could literally channel buffy summers at this point and just become her. lmfao but yeah I really struggle with that! so when I��m reading, I just kind of create a vibe, a vague mind’s-eye image of a character, it’s very hard to explain. so for me these frank, gerard, mikey, etc characters were subconsciously already way far removed from the real people, like I had to consciously make an effort to make them sound and look exactly like them in my head. but like I said, it felt like a real piece of media like a tv show or something, so to me the unholyverse characters are just that - characters. it really felt like mcr playing movie roles lmfao which I was perfectly happy with. the romance and other relationships were written soooooo well, the real problem was ofc the smut!

I don’t like smut in general, not in a judgy or censor-y way, I just get no joy or kick out of reading it and all it does is make me feel awkward. but with rpf smut, even though I see unholyverse frank and gerard as fictional characters, I can’t ignore the fact that THIS IS FULLY EXPLICIT WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY PORN BEING WRITTEN ABOUT REAL PEOPLE 💀 read it write it all you want, personally I find it uncomfortable and it just doesn’t do anything for me. made me think too much about the fact that it WAS rpf, yk?? got me thinking about the real frank and gerard and how fucking weird it would be to read smth like that about yourself idk, also the fact they have wives and kids…. 😟 gosh idk it was very very well-written smut, it just made me so icked out the more I thought about it

but anyway, OVERALL: I loved it. it was so good, will definitely reread, bookmark, and think about it for a very very very long time. possibly scream and cry and tear my hair out too, idk. part 1 was my favourite by a long shot, it’s so iconic, and feels pretty removed from parts 2 and 3 in a nice way that makes it feel like a movie and its strange sequel. I’ve discovered I like rpf when it’s good and when it’s a complete au and the people feel like original fictional characters in their own right. I don’t enjoy rpf smut, though, AT ALL, which isn’t a surprise bc I don’t enjoy smut in general, the rpf aspect just made it way more uncomfy for me personally. kind of feel the need now to bleach my brain out and consume normal mcr content just to remind myself of the disconnect between unholyverse frerard and the real people lmfao

OH ALSO THAT

I do NOT ship frerard irl, that shit’s fucking weird don’t do it. yes there is a difference between fic like this and saying two married friends and colleagues in real life are actually in love with and attracted to each other. I do for sure ship unholyverse frerard, as I’ve said they’re fictional characters to me

[mephiles97]

Murder Drones AU/Fanfic: "Through The Looking Glass"

AO3 summary: What happens... When you look through a mirror and find out the world is reversed? Is it like looking at the same world but completely different at the same time? Is it like you're looking into a window to a different world? What happens if the world as you knew it was completely flipped upside down? What happens if you look in that mirror and the same person staring back at you... Isn't you anymore? But is someone completely different living life in your shoes on the other side of that mirror?

Beau Doorman is what he'd call an average worker drone... Except maybe not so average by the time you factor in the weird dreams and the crazy over the top inventions. Okaaaaay maybe not as average or as normal as he thinks he is. Any semblance he had to normal flew right out the window with the reappearance of the colony's local drifter, a fateful scavenging trip, and three new friends haunted by their ghosts of the past. With the reemergence of a terrifying program from the past, everyone finds themselves being thrown into a story about found family, loss, grief, and recovering from that grief.

Information about this AU and a link to its fic's first chapter below the cut!

"Through The Looking Glass" (abbreviated to LG from here on) is my personal take on a swap AU! In this AU, MD canon as you know it has been taken and flipped upside down or perhaps more aptly, run through a cracked mirror. This is a character swap AU but the characters and roles have been shuffled around in deliberately wacky and wild combos and not every character/role has a clean 1:1 swap or direct mirror to their canon role

Since LG is a swap AU, this is set to retell all eight (yes, I am aware only seven are out at the time of writing) episodes of Murder Drones but with the swapped characters. Do note this is not just a 1:1 retelling of canon and some scenes are entirely new or have been twisted upside down and all around compared to how they went down in the actual episodes to the point they're almost unrecognizable unless you notice the roots of the scene

As you can see from the AO3 summary I copypasted... This AU stars Beau Doorman as our main character, taking the place of Uzi's role. He was born and raised in Outpost-3 by his parents Alice and Khan Doorman. Unlike canon Nori... Alice did not meet the business end of nanite acid in this AU and has lived to the present day/the fic's start. She is well known around the colony for being a bit of a menace with her hobby of making all kinds of scrap inventions and weaponry

Beau is joined by his childhood best friends Vivian (V) and Thad who happen to be the two most popular kids and the power couple of the school. He has also managed to befriend the mysterious borderline feral drifter named Uzi that's been randomly turning up at his colony for months now before disappearing without a trace again. Nobody knows why that mysterious purple haired girl seems to crawl around on all fours or make warbles and chirping sounds... Or why her systems are seemingly constantly running at feverishly high temperatures

There's also those three disassembly drones that haunt the vertical corpse graveyard outside Outpost-3. Let's take a look at them now, shall we?

Serial Designation B (Braiden) is the appointed leader of the disassembly drone squad and the pilot of their crashed landing pod but he's... sort of known for not feeling much like a leader. He struggles with a lot of fears over failing the squad and letting the people around him down. In fact, he worries so much about letting people down he felt bad when he tried to scare off a certain worker drone he had befriended for their safety...

Serial Designation C (Cyn) is the fastest but physically weakest of the squad due to her body and core being prone to malfunctions. She has good days where she can move about normally but on her worst days she is prone to motor malfunctions as well as voice box malfunctions leading to her voice skipping words or getting stuck. She seems to harbor a lot of guilt over some ghost of the past...

Serial Designation D (Doll) is the strongest of the squad and in a way the secondary leader because B asks for her input or suggestions often when it comes to planning or hunting tactics. She carries the weight of the squad on her back most days and tries to keep B and C from falling apart on her, but she seems to know a lot more about things than she lets on...

None of the three seem willing to mention or talk about the missing fourth drone of their group... None of the three seem willing to discuss the mysterious three-pronged symbol that's popping up on the visor of their new worker friend either. Gee, I wonder why they look so scared...?

Visit the link below to read the first chapter of the AU! Do note this AU is still ongoing so it's not finished yet but I am working on it and post chapters as they're done. Also! My ask box is open if you want to throw a question or two my way about the AU (or my other AUs!)

(And one more quick note: LG here was the first fic I started writing if we don't count two quick shorts I did so the earlier chapters read a bit roughly. If you can bear it, I swear the formatting and wording gets better in the later/newer chapters now that I've had some practice. I will one day go back and edit the earlier chapters of LG to make it easier to swallow but I haven't done that yet at the time of writing this so you have been warned)

[hyperfixingfr]

I just had a 2 x Cree shipper try to follow me on main so I'm gonna say this bullshit again since grown ass adults can't get the damn point. Content warning for some mentions of weird proshipping stuff. Not in depth.

2 x Cree is a proship/comship. Aside from the disgusting age gap and role Cree has over Hoagie (most likely having babysat him and/or kids his age), she ASSAULTS him. With no reasoning behind it or comedy/playfulness to it. That's two different types of proship: abusive x abused, and authority x controlled. If you wanna say it for what it really is, much younger x much older.

I. Do. Not. Care. What. You. Change. NO ONE WITH A BRAIN DOES. You can't say, "but I made them adults", "but I made Cree nice" and expect people to take you seriously. The fact that you go as far as to change the canon character just to attempt to justify a disgusting ship should make you stop and think. If you need to change an aspect of canon to make it look better, your ship is disgusting and probably wrong. I don't know why you 2 x Cree shippers keep insinuating this makes it okay, because it doesn't. You don't look at siblings and decide, "how about we make them just really close friends so I can ship them!".

Cree is, as far as the canon has told, unwilling to change. She has no intention of it. She has "nice moments" with her sister, but that means nothing when you think about how people who act like that irl do it. They can't be all evil, or else no one would let them into their lives. It's completely unreasonable to change the very key villain aspect just for some stupid ship. If something were to happen in canon where she has a change of heart, then I would retract my statement. But she hasn't. And it doesn't seem like that will EVER happen, because Cree is supposed to be the villain of the Lincoln family. Her tendency to assault him alone makes it weird, but him being a very obvious abuse victim almost seems like a sort of non con justification/abuser support message. He has been hit and berated by his grandmother for at least since Tommy was a baby... His "feelings" for her in the show are most likely a trauma response at most (similarly to how S/A victims suffer from hypersexuality) and at least, they're just because he's confusing his feelings for Abby with Cree.

And that's just one reason why it's a disgusting ship. What makes it even more concerning is the gap. Look, if they met as adults with fully developed frontal lobes (aka 25+), I'd raise an eyebrow but I'd let 4 years slide. But they didn't. They met as little kids. Hoagie had been in the KND for a long while and most likely knew Cree ever since first grade - when she would've been in fifth grade. She has been there to watch him grow four years behind her ever since he was 7 (estimate). Not only that but the one episode implies that Cree frequently babysits for children of Hoagie's age, if not for Hoagie himself. Betty seemed to be extremely familiar with Cree and extremely trusting in her capabilities to babysit, implying it wouldn't have been her first time. Yes... I get that it was a dream. But the dream was also rooted in reality at the beginning. Hoagie thinking of her as someone to babysit him alone should make you feel weird about the pairing being together, even when they're adults. Because even as adults, they'll still have the same connection they had back then. Those connections don't go away. Normal people tend to always think of their babysitter as, well... Their babysitter. They would remember feeling that sort of connection with their babysitter, and vise versa. But even if she wasn't babysitting him, it would still feel weird. They have four years between them (for all we know, it could be closer to five due to uncounted months). That would make Cree in 9th grade (high school) while Hoagie is still in 5th grade (elementary school). That's such a big gap that Hoagie isn't even in the school level behind Cree, which would be middle school. He's so young, he'd still be in elementary school by the time Cree finally goes to high school. And to remind you once more... They know each other very well during this period. I'm sure they see each other frequently due to teens clashing with the KND. That, or visiting Abby and seeing Cree there.

I'm just gonna say it... It's ridiculous to ship them and try to justify it. If you're just proship and like pedo ships go ahead and just say it. I'm not gonna think of you any differently, but saying it out right is better than trying to hide it. There is NO REASON to want to ship them unless you like the problems the ship has. Abby is right fucking there, and she isn't abusive nor too old for him. It's the same family too - come on! If you personally don't ship 2/5 that's fine. But trying to ship 2/Cree instead is almost blatantly saying, "I wish 2/5 was more problematic". Cree is the older, more malicious counterpart of Abby. Aside from that, they're very similar. Cree is literally Abby's foil. There is no reason to think 2/5 isn't your flow, but 2/Cree is... Unless, once again, you like disgusting ships. And none of you hit me with the "but I ship Abby with someone else" because I don't recall anyone in this fandom bashing multishipping or polyamorous relationships. A matter of fact, most people in this fandom think of Sector V as polyamorous. Don't you dare use the fear of a harmless thing such as multishipping to excuse a creepy ship.

The maturity of you 2/Cree supporters/neutrals is shown very clearly through the amount of bashing and hatemail I've gotten from grown ass adults. None of you have acted any more mature than me and that says a lot.

To sum it up... I'm not a shipping wars person. I'm someone who has very reasonable evidence to support my feelings of disgust towards this ship. There's no reason to want to ship it unless you're proship with the existence of a near identical, canon, within normal age range, much more kind and loving character.

[tohjwcc]

Who am I? INTRODUCTION

Alright, so I've been here for like..half a year now? I actually don't entirely know, but ish 6 months. But I feel like I want to introduce myself. Idk why.

- So. Hi. I'm tohjwcc.. I honestly wanna change it, but I'm scared people won't recognize me if I do haha. So, I guess I'm stuck with it for a lil while longer. Guess I'm just a "normal" (heck I'm not, I'm weird as f-) 15 yr old girl...ehm, well, going to highschool after summer. Yasammy/cc/ct nerd, basically.

- My personality is complicated. For any camp cretaceous fan, I can easily describe myself as a softer version of Yaz. I have a strong Yaz side, but another big piece of my personality is just quirky and weird and funny (people say I'm funny.. so I hope they're telling the truth lol). But also, I've been told... SO. MANY. TIMES.... That I'm too nice for my own good. I'm kind and nice to everyone. I can't be mean to anyone. At least not on purpose. That is one thing that separates me and Yaz from being completely identical (personalitywise) (which again isn't entirely true, my quirky and weird side is bigger than my serious/Yaz side. I'm basically the yasammy icon. That quirky side could be referred to as Sammy lol.) But ofc there are other small stuff that also separates us two a little but yeah. (Tbh idk... I haven't really figured myself out yet. Idk what I am like, I just wanna be like Yaz cuz I love her so deeply and I can really relate to her in so many different ways. Idk, maybe I'm just not like her at all. Maybe I just wanna be like her...? Ugh, I don't know, I don't know myself. Dang it. My dream is to be cool. Like my girl Yaz. Okay, enough rambling).

- English is sadly not my first/native language, so any bad grammar or wrong wording could appear, so I apologize for that. I also like to make up new words, so if there's a word you've never heard before, it's probably one of my new creations. Confusion can appear, you've been warned.

- On this blog.. is it a blog? I don't even know. Anyways, on this account thingy I mostly post about camp cretaceous/chaos theory. That is where my main interest is. That leads us to my next.. ugh, me and words. I don't even know what it's called I'm my language. Paragraph, maybe? Let's go with that. That leads us to my next paragraph.

- Favorite shows. I've got a LOT, but the ones that might appear on this account are probably just Jwct/jwcc and the owl house. There's a chance like stranger things and heartstopper could be joining us too. I know nothing. I could be posting/reblogging random crap as well, so nothing is for sure.

- I started watching camp cretaceous when season 3 had been released. I was in my "Jurassic world era", so I had been watching all the Jurassic world movies (ish), so I guess I just wanted to rewatch some of them again, and then I saw it. "Jurassic world camp cretaceous". I was like "OoO". I began to watch it, and fell in love with it RIGHT AWAY. Also, a funny fun fact, I started watching it when I was 12. And now I'm 15. This means I was as old as the youngest character when I started watching it, and I am NOW as old as the OLDEST characters are in the show. This show has been with me through all my teenage years so far. I'm so greatful for this show and these campers. They helped me through so much, and I could never thank them enough.

-The jwcc character i can relate most to is Yaz. 10000%. Like I said before, she is so me. My friend says I'm a Yaz, and she once said I even looked like Yaz, which is cool, but idk how cuz I'm not a brunette haha. But these are the bestest compliments I've ever gotten.

Shoutout to everyone who even bothers to read this lmao. I might add stuff to this later, who knows.

Have a great day ^^

[mdhwrites]

Penacony: Star Rail's Haunted House

And like one trying too hard, you're left only reflecting on how cheap and fake everything is and not in the ways the story wants you to. Oh, and for my normal fans who like it when I rip something apart, this blog is for you.

I'm starting with my non-spoilery thoughts and to start that off, I do want to say that this is better than the Loufu. The game, from character designs, world design and just general work put in has never looked so good. The flavor on everything is top notch and it is a welcome escape from the bland, near industrialist feel of the Loufu. The game design is included in this too with some of the best dungeons we've gotten, not a bad elite in the bunch (as a Fire Trailblazer main, the monkey makes me laugh) and a lot of charm even in the superfluous mechanics you can mostly ignore. The writing also takes a step up as a lot of characters have personality... Kind of.

And this is the crux of the issue. By the end I was left with the feeling that a lot had happened, a lot of words had been said and I'd met a wide cast, but that little of it informed me of anything. Penacony is meant to be a mystery but we are not an investigator. We are just being shouted at constantly "ISN'T THIS MYSTERIOUS AND DRAMATIC!?" to the point where I look up at them and go "Maybe, if you actually let anything be human for more than five seconds." Which I will actually admit: It was human for about half of it. The middle of 2.0, from once you get into the dreams to when the first true twist happens, reminds me of the best of Belobog. Hell, there is a scene in it that is literally the best in Star Rail with how genuine it feels and how real the heartbreak of it is.

But then the lights come on and you see how that scene is nothing but smoke and mirrors too. It is a trick that made me FAR more upset than anything on the Loufu frankly but after the Loufu, it also has eroded a lot of my trust in the writers for their main content. That their narrative lens is extremely narrow and entirely against anything I enjoy in media.

And so I'm left wondering if I'll end up regretting having bought the Battle Pass at the start of the cycle, despite just a week ago having been pretty certain I was with Star Rail wherever it went.

That is enough beating around the bush though. I'll put a good bit of space to let people who don't want spoilers to leave and then I'll get into specifics. 'Kay? 'Kay.

Firefly and Robin are two sides of a coin but both are mistakes. I know it might seem weird to start here rather than talk about the build up, setup, etc. but... Why would I? EVERYTHING is built up to the tragedy of Firefly and the mystery of Robin. If we really must though, here are my impressions of each of the other characters:

Black Swan: Fuck if I know. Genuinely, I don't know. I want to know, especially after having put 150 pulls into her banner but the game is so hell bent on shifting gears with her so constantly and letting her not react to anything that I didn't get a read on her, despite being the character we probably spend the second most amount of time with in this patch. She is at least nice and kind of likable but I don't know how much of that is an act.

Sparkle: Cryptic Bitch. Move on.

Acheron: Okay, I will be fair and say I do like Acheron. I've talked to another person to find out that her red dialogue changes depending on your choices with her. From the white dialogue though, she feels like a Shounen Lancer. The serious one who also has a quirk that lets you laugh from time to time. The tease of her being an Emanator is interesting but also like... How the fuck is Sam even alive for five seconds after she draws her blade then? Unless she just didn't? Emanators are literally the absolute most powerful things in this universe besides the aeons themselves though. She doesn't get to be an Emanator and not be strong game.

Sunday: Cryptic and Evil. Move on because we still know fucking nothing about him.

March 7th and Welt: About as useful as on the Loufu and at least aren't taking up screen time on the Loufu. Welt continues to be a brick, especially with his voice acting and March 7th may as well not be here.

Himeko:

...

Lets out a long, slow breath. We'll talk about Himeko later. Let me just say that she really highlights a problem with a lot of the statements the game makes about us and the express in this patch.

Sam: Not a character and a fucking awful boss fight. AT BEST he is more of a murder hobo than BLADE. The dude motivated by his desire to murder one person. Move on.

Aventurine: The worst. Just the worst. He comes across as an asshole who has zero power, zero charisma and has literally bought every friend, ally and favor that he's gotten in the past ten years. He is not a gambler as his bets are always done deals because he won't make deals he'll lose. He also has way more knowledge than ANYONE else despite having no allies, no one liking him, no powers that we've seen and yet knows the secrets of the memory zone better than the PERSON WHO HAS POWER OVER MEMORIES. Because Black Swan doesn't know Aventurine's truth. She leaves that up to you. It makes for this petulant asshole who is just a mastermind because the game says he is, and NEVER proving it, the last person you'd want to trust but the one you're forced to put your faith into and ally with no matter what. I literally got a joke ending because I told him to piss off.

But let's move on to the two who mattered. Or that we are told mattered, right up until their deaths. Robin is the much easier to point out as bad. We had literally two conversations with her and then find her dead in a bathtub so as to prove that Aventurine is smartest of smarty people because he's just so smart and clever and powerful and OMG! It also is only to further anger and add personality to Sunday. As such, Robin is fridged for TWO dudes. And we have no reason to care because why should we? Because Sunday is now having to cover up her murder? I have to assume she's been dead only recently unless she's been dead for like weeks and you've been somehow preserving her body because Firefly sure didn't get to fucking survive for ANY time.

Speaking of: Firefly is a character made to die. The only options we get to react to her death is compassion for those around us or blinding anger. Not remorse or sorrow or anything like that. It is supposed to mirror the player. You either can just move on or be furious and have it push you to the end of the content. That's it.

And I REALLY mean it when I say she's made to die. She's this nice, sweet girl who snuck onto Penacony specifically to escape an illness she has that is genuinely tragic and is killing her. She is kind, a little mysterious but appears to genuinely have a good heart. We even take a selfie with her which is our keepsake for after she dies.

We also got to already fight the thing that kills her. It appears out of nowhere the first time, descending from the ether above us while it is only us and Firefly, leaving us defenseless. HOWEVER! In a boss fight I do genuinely like, we fend it off for one phase until it finally pushes us to the side and has Firefly in its clutches. It takes its time lifting her up and it looks like Firefly might do something when BAM! Black Swan appears, entirely subduing the beast and freeing Firefly so we can go round two against it and having it be a much easier fight now that three of us here.

But in the memory zone again, knowing that Death is coming and tracking something, with us, Black Swan and now a third super strong fighter, Acheron, we walk into an open area. AND DRUMROLL PLEASE!

It's the instant kill! Where the enemy we have dealt with before comes out of nowhere, shocking and surprising everyone, even physically just bumping into two of us before rushing past the MC while we stand there helplessly and killing Firefly in a single moment! Can we get a round of applause for one of the worst death tropes in video games, if not all of media!? I haven't seen a bullshit death like this since Kat in Halo Reach! Give it up for these writers and how absolutely hack they are!

And here is the worst part: It does hurt. It hurts a LOT.

Penacony's writing is genuinely good in places. The middle portion of Penacony with Firefly is great. Firefly is a delightful character, even if she's a cinnamon roll too precious for this world. The game spends literally half the patch just selling you on why you should care about Firefly. So yeah, seeing Firefly explode into goop hurts but it's like killing a dog. Yeah, that hurts me emotionally but I can tell they're nothing but meat to you and so I get ANGRY at you using my emotions against me.

And worse yet, and I cannot stress this point enough: She is not the important death. We move right back to investigating afterwards with only Acheron's heavy handed words, where she's acting almost like she's never seen death before, to carry the torch for her. No, instead, it's Robin's death that is stated as being able to bring Penacony down. The one that matters. So move on. Firefly is just motivation for you.

Which even if you don't play Caelus and are female with your MC, it still fucking sucks. It also makes the part of Penacony that's good null and void because all you are going to remember is the bullshit death that it was building too. It cheapens all those good moments because you see the manipulation going on.

And... I'm not surprised at this point. If you don't count Herta's Space Station, this is three deaths for three planets. Belobog didn't have a main character death besides the villain and it was PLENTY dramatic enough. The Loufu on the other hand killed Tingyun. Tingyun was our guide... LIKE FIREFLY so that's two in a row that they've axed, but she didn't get much of a character. Instead, it's just shock value for shock's sake, something the writers clearly understood because then the entire epilogue for the PLANET is spent backfilling how wonderful of a person she was and mourning her death. I'm not kidding.

So that is three for three on fridged women, all done in order to just add stakes or a twist to the story. All three of them are also really bad and don't actually add anything to the story. We just continue our investigation after Firefly like we would have done regardless and get to another boss fight that makes literally no sense because YOUR ALLY SENT US HERE ASS HAT!

Addendum: This is actually FOUR deaths in three planets. The fourth is at least a guy so it's not entirely gender biased but it is also off screen. A villain we met once, kind of, named Duke Inferno is claimed to have been killed by Acheron before she came here with his invitation. The only part of this story that's confirmed mind you is the death of Inferno which uh... To quote Aventurine talking about Acheron's story "Lines up a bit too perfectly" for the asshat in the coat. It's not good and it makes the trailer Hoyo put out for the Ever Flame Mansion, that uses imagery you can find on Penacony for it, feel like a lie since we're not likely to see those characters at least until 2.4. But yeah, thought I should mention that there is a fourth dead character.

But... If you are a writer who got a lot of infamy from character deaths and is used to having YEARS of backstory, build up, connections, etc.... This is actually what happens. This is the first the Honkai part of Honkai Star Rail has been a real problem for the game. Even in the lead up to Penacony, they hyped up the potential of death by bringing in the lead writer for the Honkai series, who hadn't been on a livestream since, it sounds like... He killed a BUNCH of Honkai characters a year and a half ago. But that was the SIXTH anniversary of Honkai Third Impact. (sorry if I'm getting the timeline and the like wrong on this at all btw)

Star Rail is not even a year old. With that pointed out: let's talk about Himeko and the Express in general.

I don't know these people. I don't have a connection to these people. This is literally the first real chance we are spending ANY amount of time with Himeko. What does she do with that chance? Be cryptic, untrusting and a complete ass honestly to pretty much EVERYONE despite having pushed us trailblazers as kind, helpful people who will take risks and the like. But nope, she's just as bad as the rest of the people we've just been introduced to.

So when Firefly wants us to take inspiration from our allies on how to lighten the mood or when Acheron at the very start says we've made unbreakable bonds that we might lose... What the fuck are you talking about? March 7th is the ONLY one that might be able to be claimed about. Everyone else has no relationship with us. Half of them may as well not have characters with how little they've done or shown us or felt like they're there mostly to help with exposition.

So sure, go ahead and kill them off. You don't care about them enough to actually make me invested in them, actually build a status quote to then shatter with real danger so... Why should I? These people just exist for you to slaughter because you apparently don't know how to write a dramatic story otherwise.

It... It is rough for me right now. I even played a bit of the side content and went "Yep, this is still a good part of Star Rail." It made me think of how my brother hoped that Star Rail wouldn't have the Persona 5 problem. Great character work, a lot of fun, some real, deep emotions and genuinely good storytelling (I've talked about Guinaifen with such praise for a reason)... You just will never know by playing the main story because it's not there. Not after Belobog. The most important content, the content EVERYONE will see just isn't good.

And whenever 3.0 comes out, I know I won't be hyped after this. Even if they undo the deaths, I don't care. I don't care about your main story because it makes no sense and the stakes are fake. So... Why am I still playing if only the side content is worthwhile?

If I can never trust that a Firefly will do anything but burn out?

======+++++======

I'll admit a lot of this is motivated by anger. I'll probably do a second blog talking about some of the positives about Penacony, because there is a fair bit of good mixed in with the rest, but I needed to get out this frustration first because it was the majority of what the patch left me with. I also still stick by most of what I said, maybe not quite as harshly, even with a calmer mind.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[themist-underground]

What's your opinion on bamon friendship if you would call it that ?

I haven't read the books but I think it's a shame that their relationship isn't the same in the tv show. From what I heard of the books they have a special sort of connection, share a kiss or two, and I think he respects her and he's a better friend?

In the show well, short answer I don't really like it, it's inconsistant and I'm not convinced of their friendship. Sometimes he's the only one who even thinks of her, but a lot of time she's not a priority for him (his number 1 priority is Elena), at best she's a second choice for him.

Longer answer under the cut:

Longer answer

Don't quote me on this, because I watched the show on and off while it still aired on tv, so it was a long time ago. I didn't watch season 7 & 8, just some scenes. So my knowlege of tvd is not extensive :-)

What I like:

They share some cute moments. In season 6, I liked some of their banter and dynamic. I think the actors have moments of chemistry, they help eachother, and went through a lot together.

There's too much things unsaid and unexplored. But that would be a lot to ask for a 2009 cw vampire show.

What I dislike:

From what I remember, in the first season Damon harass Bonnie, who is just a young teen, he attacks her and rips her throat (!), he's constantly in her face. There's little we know about how she dealt with that trauma. Especially when Sheila dies and there's no one to protect her from him and other threats. In tvd, young humans have to deal the consequences of vampire actions, and Bonnie is singled out, because she doesn't have time to grieve and heal.

What I dislike about Damon's character:

Somehow he changed from the bad guy in the first seasons to lead romantic character. But he didn't have a clear redemption arch. He's just always forgiven, the bad has done (killing, harassing, manipulating, lying...) is magically forgotten and forgiven. He's tortured but he doesn't re-evalute himself.

Something that bothers me in their characters building or lack of:

It has a lot to do with the show's disregard for POCs and Bonnie's mistreatement. As well as the show's runner blatant favoritism for Damon.

It bothers me that we know a lot of Damon, his past life, his emotions and torments, his motives, his dreams and ambitions, his relationships, but we know too little of Bonnie. For most of the duration of the show, her scenes are few and far between and are quite short. Even with Kat Graham did a lot with the little she had, she just doesn't get to be a fully fleshed character. It's like she's not allowed to have negative feelings towards her friends or normal reactions, like grieving, resentement, healing, setting boundaries. There's a lack of balance and equality between the two characters. I think it's why I'm not convinced of their friendship. If she was "allowed" to do be, it would be so much more interesting and complex and belivable that she choose to befriend him.

Bonnie's moral compass is really strange (something I don't completely understand).

What I dislike about their friendship/ how they wrote it in the show:

It's not that they don't have a friendship but it doesn't seem healthy to me. He might grew respects that she stands up to him, and respect the amount of her power, but he also calls her useless when she is powerless...There's lack of trust and honesty and mutual respect... There's no way around it, TVD has a problem with not making its main male characters not abusive. Bonnie is loyal to a fault even though she's used as a plot device. And like everyone else Damon uses her magic. Even though it's dangerous for witches to push their magic too much, they can die. Which she did at least twice. He belittles her when she doesn't have her power. During season 6, he calls her useless all the time.

Also, there's some weird dynamic where she's supposed to be special for Damon, like his best friend, but when you pay attention he lies to her, when it's convenient for him. Like when he wants to get Lily's back, even though she's a dangerous reaper. He doesn't care about the consquences on human lives. It's selfish. She's in the middle of what Damon wants and need. The writers did that again, with Kai spell linked to Bonnie and Elena, which makes Damon resent her for being alive...I remember one of the show runners saying the only reason Bonnie is alive is because Elena is dead. So by convinence.

The show runner's were adamant about not giving Bonnie too much limelight or romantic partners even though it's a show about vampire / occult romance! I'm not a Bamon shipper or enthusiat but they were popular and the actors seemed happy to have more scenes together. Maybe that's a second reason why I think there friendship looks "strange" or ambiguous? I think other viewers, especially poc ones, will agree, that the way Bonnie is treated just hurts :(

[safely-in-vhagars-belly]

House of the Dragon funko ideas

I can't draw and I refuse to use AI so bear with me. All photos and gifs belong to those who made them, i am thankful for the makers.

Here we go and welcome to my funko pop collection/ideas for future pops. I collect the House of the Dragon ones and currently have 4 standing (thats a lot considering I owned 2 prior) and now I can't help but think of cool funko concepts, because honestly: What is Funko itself even doing?

Diamonds and chases count as one.

We are going to first discuss the characters that have gotten a funko

Viserys Targaryen 4 (Regular funko with sword, sick with mask chase, on the iron throne, and a NFT where he is also sick/mask for some reason)

Daemon 3 (Samuari nft (Idk why its called that way either) dragon egg and with sword/regular)

Rhaenyra 3 (NFT wedding dress (cruelty) heir dress (including diamond edition) and Queen Rhaenyra on her beloved Syrax.

Alicent 2(with dagger, and without dagger)

Aemond 2 (NFT exclusive without eyepatch and...regular version without eyepatch?)

Carexes (1 funko)

Syrax (1 funko)

Vhagar (1 NFT funko)

Criston cole (1 nft funko)

Corlys (1 funko)

Otto 1 funko

Crabfeeder (1 funko

So that makes a total of 21 funkos released in the collections conbined! Without further delay lets dive in.

Rhaenyra Targaryen

So Funkos I want to see are her in her red suitor gown for young rhae. Perhaps her riding on Syrax when she comes to collect the egg that Daemon stole, and her wedding dress a normal without ugly nft box version.

For Emma's version or older Rhaenyra:

I want to see her new wedding gown when she wed Daemon, when she was crowned and I NEED a funko with her new diamond looking gorgeous dress with her crown.

DAEMON.

He already has so many uhm... Oh, I know. His outfit to Rhaenyras wedding, king of the stepstones and him riding Carexes/his battle outfit with the cool horns.

Viserys: I genuinely believe this man has enough. I can't think of a simple thing him and Aemma in the bathtub for the sake of nostalgia.

Otto: Him in his hightower armor. That is all I can think of for now.

Alicent. Alicent with book (young alicent) alicent in red and alicents wedding dress (A GIRL CAN DREAM)

Corlys: The one idea I have is him and Rhaenys holding hands and standing facing one another. It is such a gentle moment and I love their relationship. The other is his stepstone armor and the final one is his first episode look, the crest just really speaks to me.

Rhaenys. This is so weird that she does not have her own funko becauses included in so much promo material too. She and Criston are the only ones of the promo posters who didnt got their own funkos, and even criston got his in the NFT drop. The first funko I think would be cool is Rhaenys her dress when she is denied her throne. The only time we see her wear the targaryen black and red colours and she looks stunning. Another one is the moment she crashed aegons coronation and the final funko is for her amazing wedding look.

Criston Cole. I'd like to see a bloodied lip funko, a peasant disguise funko and a kingmaker funko because I feel like that are his main moments and he does not wear his boring kings guard uniform the entire time.

Myseria. I think shes a minor character so her getting a pop is unlikely but here are some ideas regardless. 1. her ''my condolances for your king.'' dress, lady of dragonstone dress, and finally her white worm dress.

This is just the first batch of ideas, I have more where that came from ahum.

[halfelven]

Arwen, Elladan & Elrohir for the character bingo? :D

Love the way you write the peredhel and your thoughts on them generally!!

- main of @olorinestel

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

repeating i do not have a saviour complex i do not have a saviour complex i do not have a saviour complex (< lying)

okayyyyyyy sooooooo. let’s start with arwen. when i first heard the goes to lie down alone in an empty land to die story i didn’t speak for several hours and i was still feel the pain of it and can taste the scent of fallen pine needles and see the golden sun on the warm bark of the shaking trees. i’m screaming and crying and throwing up. she is not like me. i do not get the falling in love thing. i’m checking mommy and daddy issues bc of what happened to her mom and the whole separation thing with her dad. i do think they were great parents

also she is insane. and it’s so good. especially with piercing gazes striking little hobbits and all that. close connections to her insane grandparents. whatever the hell is going on with her and aragorn. obsessed.

look elladan and elrohir came out the same but i’ll go with elrohir first

here’s where i do NOT have a saviour complex comes in. i did not read about them at five years old and dream of knowing violence and loneliness and peril to save people.

anyways babe gets mommy reasons for obvious reasons. daddy issues bc of the immortality or not reasons. do i think he would actually punch me? doubtful. but he’d probably stop me if it were the wild and he didn’t know if he could trust me. i didn’t choose my name partially bc it’s similar to his btw. i didn’t pretend i was elrohir and my sister was elladan and still have our nicknames set from theirs in my phone btw.

i don’t give a fuck what tolkien says!!! his name is star-rider!!! and it’s a tribute to earendil. tolkien can fucking fight me!!!!

god riding through the wilderness to tell aragorn hey daddy says we should go through the paths of the dead. elvish wights. dark magic and a fucking ghost army. i’m sooooo normal about him. i can’t picture every detail of his clothes and i have never pretended hallucinations were him until i wasn’t scared of them anymore. never had dreams about him that don’t even feel like dreams either. i’m so sane and normal. i don’t hate him because the self imposed pain he takes to protect the world hits too close. don’t relate to saving my mother from torments but not being able to save her either.

on to elladan

same mommy and daddy issues. again he probably wouldn’t actually punch me but maybe he would under certain circumstances.

i included a lot of the insanity when talking about his brother because they go together in a lot of that. also never had super weird dreams about him that took too long and had too much reading in them. only normal dreams.

but seriously i think the immortal thing with half elves goes a bit to their head. like the being able to live for thousands of years but you could drop it? insane.

also gonna fight tolkien bc i swear all three of them were kids at the same time. like seriously fight me tolkien. (i think i could take him)

again i’m soooooo normal about him. nothing about throwing everything aside to make my life about a singular purpose (or maybe not singular. protection and revenge. also you have to look at orcs as metaphors for this to work*)

stopping now or this will be too long. have to put it under a cut as is

*i like my ideas of what orcs are better than tolkien’s. i actually much prefer a few of my systems in fantasy to his. and i prefer my own fantasy world to his over all

thank you for the ask and for liking how i write them!!! they are some of the characters that got me through a lot of things and i will always love them even if i also write them suffering

[mcbethins]

Hello, just want to say I love your writing, and I have a question. What would you charge about the mk1 story mode. Like what would you do if you were writing it.🥰🤔❤️💜❤️💙💛

awww omg thank you! ❤️❤️❤️

OH ANON, MY GOODNESS 😆😭😤😳🙃🫶

First of all, I don't accept Liu Kang presiding over time *without* Kitana!

To me, this ending was so superior to the cluster fuck that was Aftermath.

And giving Kitana this role solves all of my issues with her in MK1!

Homegirl's dream was to lead a prosperous Outworld. She never wanted anything to do with Mileena. So I thought it was kind of wild that she was given Mileena as a sister...who was also in line to be Empress.

Nevermind the fact that Mileena was never actually Sindel's daughter.

Like I was rooting for Mileena in MK1 don't get me wrong, but I felt like they gave her the life Kitana actually wanted and deserved.

KINDA SOUNDS LIKE HOW THEY MADE HANZO AN ORPHANED CHILD AND GAVE HIS LIFE TO KUAI LIANG DOESN'T IT HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA-

I am so, so Normal about this, anon.

So yeah, Kuai would still be a cryomancer. And the Lin Kuei boys' dialogue would actually show us who they are as people instead of devolving into an argument over wHaT FaThEr WoUlD HaVE WanTeD 🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱

Bi-Han would still be an asshole, but have way more depth to his character. Also I would sneak Bireena in there somehow.

And at the end, Tomas and Kuai seek refuge with the Shirai Ryu which already exists and is led by Harumi and Hanzo WHO IS AN ADULT WITH HIS HOME, WIFE, AND SON.

Then we could have Subscorparumi or even throw Smoke in there with them. I'm flexible. I love love.

Next, fucking miss me with this Tarkat disease shit. I know its just a video game, I do. But changing a race into a *lethal disease* is giving racist genocidal vibes that I personally don't love. Let the Tarkatans be people, Liu Kang. Holy shit.

Speaking of morally dubious changes Liu Kang presumably made, the whole "I will prevent the villains from rising to power by trapping them in miserable existences" gets a no from me.

Like he basically baked in Valid Reasons to Hate Him And Turn to the Dark Side into their origin stories 🙈🙈🙈

Because 9/10 villains are villains because of trauma, I would have him give them loving childhoods instead. Maybe its my inner psychologist, maybe its Maybelline, but thats the way I would do it.

Idk. When Quan Chi said, "The mines" I kinda felt weird about it!

Make Shao Kahn actually be a good dad to Mileena and her adopted sister Skarlet. Shao is a dad and not an evil general, Mileena gets a sister, its a win win.

Sindel would live.

When Dark Raiden shows up I would have new timeline Raiden actually react to that and or interact with him. I feel like they missed an opportunity there.

And uhhh yeah there's probably more but this is the main stuff.

Thanks for stopping by! 😂😂😂

[ac-liveblogs]

Penacony part 1 kind of sucked. Despite an attempt at being a thrilling mystery whodunnit, the most surprised I ever got when exploring this place was when I realised a billboard was stalking me.

The second most surprised I got was finding the corpse in my bathtub, but I think that's a normal response. Also, HYV doing anything with playable characters is a novelty, let alone killing* them.

Besides Aventurine, the time you spend with the characters introduced this patch doesn't feel very well spent. You spend most of the first half of the patch chasing Firefly around - a girl that keeps you at arm's reach and is mostly just there to be sad, tragic waifubait - and almost no-one else, and by the time the second half is attempting to serve you mysterious curveballs with the rest of the cast you don't know any of them well enough to give anything resembling a shit.

When Aventurine accused Acheron of lying about being a Galaxy Ranger, murdering Duke Inferno and maybe being involved in Firefly's death, my genuine response was - "I don't know this woman well enough to have any emotions about this, let alone be shocked by the possibility."

Which, in a character-driven Whodunnit of clashing motivations that might make or break a whole planet, is really bad, actually.

My second was - "I can't believe they killed Duke Inferno off-screen he's barely done anything yet", but with a design like that he was never going to be playable. My guy :( Duke Inferno :(

Aventurine has the most personality, by merit of being a smarmy shit begging to get punched, his murder-threat and, again, corpse-bathtub jumpscare. He has unique dynamics with the Trailblazer, Topaz and Ratio, and we understand some of the stakes for why he feels the need to play this game and manipulate us.

Firefly seems to have gotten in over her head with someone (Sam, though I'm assuming her 'mecha' comment was a red herring), but everyone else is a big blank nothing. In terms of motivation that's fine at this stage, but we have two super calm and strong purple ladies that don't reveal much about themselves or emote much, the strangely handled Sparkle who spends most of her time being a) irritating (writing her archetype well is hard) and b) not Sampo, and the.... "I guess they exist" Sunday and Misha.

The Annihilation Gang probably isn't even coming anymore.

I wasn't too annoyed about Robin's death - beyond surprise as, again, playable waifu but given the game was very clearly attempting to endear Firefly to me and their idea of doing that was having her main contributions to most conversations being 'this guy is weird' and 'guess we'd better think hard about this puzzle!' prior to dumping part of her backstory, I came away from that one more annoyed than anything.

Trailblazer apparently agreed with me, given how quickly they recovered from it lmao

*I don't actually believe Firefly or Robin are dead. At the very least, Firefly didn't. Not only did the stakes of dying in the dream world not get established prior to this, it is a dream world. They'll be fine, they probably ended up in the Primal Dreamscape or whatever it is. Firefly's body still being in a doctor's surgery or whatever probably means she's fine.

It's a shame the main plot was boring, because the idea of it seemed pretty fun. As it is, the world we're in has far more personality than the playable characters. I like Penacony itself, I think it's well designed with decent puzzles and some some nice aesthetic choices. But the story has thoroughly failed to grab me, and I have the horrible feeling the quests we'll be picking up afterwards won't have much to do with any playable characters due to the nature of the story.

Due to the nature of this patch basically just being establishing the setting before the actual plot really kicks off, though, the main meat of the actual investigation will be dropping in ... 6 weeks time. Though the problem is that by this point I'm supposed to get you interested in the mystery, and by nature of not knowing many of the players nor caring about Firefly and Robin, I do not.

god this entire patch seriously was just a long-winded prologue huh

Also, did they audition for Clockie by asking people to do their best Mickey Mouse impressions, or what?

[salty-medley]

Winx Club - Controversy meme

( original made by https://www.deviantart.com/purfectprincessgirl/art/Winx-Club-Controversy-Meme-775394451 )

Favourite character: Darcy

Since the first season I always found her character interesting. First her look, most of the time a character with pants in Winx is a tomboy or a casual/active/sporty one while for Darcy it's very feminine and vintage. Her color scheme too. Then her contradictions, between having some feelings for Riven ( she's clearly shown as jealous toward Musa) and her original goal & attitude. She's not the total evil one like Icy or Stormy who at first live for chaos and power, she seems to be a bit more shy and nice. I'd really like to know more about her backstory.

Least fav character: Flora

World of Winx made me tolerating her a bit more but ... Ugh. She's way too sweet and boring. People tend to see her as a talented fairy, yet the fact she limits herself to vines and petals while she's called "fairy of nature" screams laziness and lack of talent for me. Flora is supposed to be the most powerful fairy after Bloom but still sucks in fights, and isn't that good for the rest. Adding to that she's insecure at a very annoying level.

Favourite villain: The Trix

In season 1 only. After that it's only by default. They were relentless, good strategists, able to made a whole dimension bow in front of them. While being only three ( eh, they summon the things, it depended on their energy, even Faragonda said it, Riven was a bit useless, just like Knut and the duck). They were only senior students at Cloud Tower, not a 100 years old demon like Valtor or Darkar.

Least fav villain: Kalshara & Brafilius

Was that duet meant to be a joke ? She looked cool at the start but after...

Most overrated: Bloom and Flora

I already said what I was thinking about Flora. Now Bloom.

Bloom was one of my fave characters in season 1. Determined, curious, willing to discover and learn, a good friend ( the fact she was ready to fight the three others just because she promised to help Flora for her exam in the swamp episode), just a normal person trying to fit in a very different place. She was also very brave and willing to help people in need WITHOUT looking like she's doing it for the camera. Her relationship with Sky wasn't my fave part, I always thought she'll have to apologize to Diaspro for that stupid fight, and be able to move one, with or without Sky. Unlike lot of people I sort of understand her running away to go home, when people are sad or live something like being humiliated in front of two or three whole schools and officials, the event being probably even broadcasted live in Magix too, after being sure that it was the witch who physically assault you since you're in that dimension. Heartbroken, lost, with weird dreams, far away from the only people she grew up with and who can't even come to help, realizing the guy she was seeing as a friend and potential love interest lied to her, and now humiliated in front of everyone... I think it's a valid reason when being a 16 years old to have a breakdown.

But Bloom in season 5, 6, 7 or 8? Please stop. Obnoxious, bossy, childish, insecure, cry baby and attention whore. What happened to the original Bloom ? Oh yeah, she get everything she dreamed of and now can't tolerate any obstacle.

Most underrated: Headmistress Griffin

I mean... She's an icon. I love her bickering with Faragonda, just like old friends. She's the healthy type of witch we should see more in the serie, the one who doesn't need to turn into a fairy to be good.

Plus, let me remind you that right after being freed from her prison she directly fought the Trix all by herself to allow the others to escape. She was a real threat for the Trix, it's the main reason why they imprison her instead of trying to eliminate her properly, better deal with her when having more powers and spells.

Also she's a total troll, fully enjoying the mess did by the Trix during the party in the start of the second movie. Just relatable. The only reason she's not in the "Favourite character" slot is that we don't have enough screentime for her compared to Darcy but it was very hard to pick only one.

Favourite season: Season 1

A classic. With an actual plot who was still enjoyable, nothing better than someone discovering a magical world and themselves. It gave me Harry Potter 1 feels and I live for that.

Plus they had personalities back then.

Least fav season: Season 7

Gosh it was boring!

And making a whole season related to animals while treating Roxy like that... Worst villains, worst transformation, worst season. Even season 6 seems enjoyable compared to that.

Favourite fairy form: magic/basic

No I won't call it "magic winx". Not every fairy is a winx, and there's tons of fairies having it before them. I think in the GBA games they called it pixie magic and it's way cuter.

Simple and efficient, I really like the fact they seemed more powerful in that form that in any other one. Just... Bloom breaking the ice and releasing that huge dragon. Did she ever do that again ? Nah. It was smaller and less powerful. A true shame she never used it again. Same for Musa's flute, Stella's scepter who mysteriously vanished while being a Solarian treasure.

Least fav fairy form: butterflix

Was that a contest of how they could make this season even worst than any other one..? If yes, I can confirm it's a success.

Favourite episode: S1 ep9 Betrayed

This episode has everything:

friendship drama ( Stella is a bitch, borderline bully)

teenage love drama

girl fight ( a simple slap but still lol)

prissy daddy's boy VS angry emo "I'm not like the other guys" teen

A real freaking street fight

Least fav episode: S3 ep18 Valtor's box

While this one is the start of one of my least fave couples: Aisha x Nabu. So you're gonna tell me they made Aisha a courageous and independent woman, who knows what she is willing to accept and all you can offer to her is a creep who stalk her, disrespect her and keep pushing her until she gave up to what he wants. This character and their relationship is poorly written. Aisha deserved better than ending with a creep chosen by her father, it's almost like if the wanted us to see forced marriages like a good thing. Stella's attitude was also disgusting, she could understand the situation Aisha was going through and just support her, encourage her to solve the problem instead of saying she could ask a guy what he thinks about it. Making someone uncomfortable seems to be her favourite hobby, it was already the case in season 1 with Musa, except she wasn't supposed to keep acting like that years after. That and the hideous rain outfits looking like a rainbow vomit when they finally had the occasion to make something less bright.

Favourite couple: ( non canon) Griselda x Wizgiz

I know it's a crack ship but as I'm not fond of any of the official couples I'll go with that one. Just check at Chocolatesmoothie's art https://www.deviantart.com/chocolatesmoothie/art/Smooth-Move-365780182

That's the type of interactions I want to see, not boring love at the first sight teens.

Least fav couple: Bloom x Sky

Where should I start ? Like everything with Bloom, it was good in season 1. But it became boring with the time. They're supposed to be engaged for a time now, and yet Sky's father still acting like if Bloom wasn't the hero of their dimension and a princess more powerful than him. That and Diaspro always in the middle, Sky unable to finally tell everyone to shut up, Bloom always crying but not ending this fail of a relationship... Gosh.

Just stop with them. Even Riven would be a better choice for her at this point.

Favourite sidekicks: Nereus & Tritannus

Do they count ? I take the lot.

Least fav sidekicks: the pixies

People will say that the selkies are worst BUT while the selkies can't bother you when you're not in the sea, these damn pixies will follow you everywhere. Between Scylla and Charybdis, I choose the less present one.

[embraceyourdestiny]

penned between the margins // Kingdom Hearts fanfic

Rating: General

Characters: Kairi (post KH1~ around CoM)

Warnings: Dairy entry that’s present tense + first person POV, slight dereality typical with memory related issues in Kingdom Hearts, Hospitals

AO3

————————————

Something happened. I don’t know what it was, but I know something did happen.

It started a few weeks ago. This… feeling inside of me. It’s nothing like anything I’ve felt before, so I don’t know how to describe it. It’s almost… hollow? No, that doesn’t sound right. Empty? Maybe, but not quiet.

Longing. That might be the way to describe it.

I don’t know where it came from. One day I was running down the beach of the main island with Wakka and Tidus, playing games with them, giggling with Selphie and the other girls about about dumb school stuff like we always do, and the next thing I remember I somehow ended up at the play islands, standing at the empty shore like I was looking for something.

Like something was missing.

I don’t remember how I got there, I don’t even remember leaving the house that day or what compelled me to go there without telling anyone. I just… did. Or did I? If I don’t remember doing it, did it really happen?

Everything feels like a dream. That’s probably the best summary of how most things have felt since that day.

Some things are real, I know for sure. Wakka and Tidus are as rambunctious as ever, sparring up and down the shore, laughing and messing with each other like they always do. Selphie and I are practically glued at the hip like we’ve always been. These things are the same and they feel normal but… but they also feel like they’re not.

It’s weird. I don’t know how to describe it. Somehow, things don’t quite feel real.

Nothing from my life is missing or out of place; mom and dad are as great as ever, no one moved in or away (I made sure — daughter-of-the-mayor privileges come in handy every once in a while), summer was ready to end and school was about to start a few weeks away just like it was before this gnawing feeling consumed me, so, what’s wrong? Why do I feel like this? Why does it feel like I’m searching for something I can never find, even though I can almost feel it brushing against my fingertips?

Selphie was the one who found me all those weeks ago and I still feel like I have to apologize for it everyday, even though I stopped doing that about a week ago. She said we were walking down the beach, chatting away like any other day, when I just… stopped. Stopped moving, stopped talking, even stopped breathing, though I don’t know how much of that was an exaggeration on her part or entirely true. She’s always had a flair for the dramatics, after all. it’s not that I doubt her, I just… I feel like I’m always second guessing myself these days.

Anyway, she said I stopped walking and just… turned on my heel and walked towards the shoreline. She said I would’ve walked right in if she hadn’t stopped me, and that might be the scariest part of all of this. The second scariest, actually. Doing things beyond your control and not remembering it is terrifying, but knowing you’re missing something without any proof of many things missing is indescribably startling. At least there’s a reason for people doing things and not remembering doing them, what explanation is there for remembering something that didn’t happen?

That’s what I keep telling myself. It didn’t happen. It feels wrong, so wrong, because I know something did happen, but maybe it didn’t. Maybe I’m just remembering wrong. Maybe I’m imagining it. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

And it’s even weirder because with how Selphie describes her story… I don’t remember it like that at all.

We might’ve been on the beach together at some point, the details of memories with her are fuzzy in an entirely different way, but I don’t remember her being there. I don’t remember anyone from the islands being there. No one. I was all by myself for so long. I have no visual memory of this, no flash of images that give me at least some solace that I’m not completely losing my mind, but I know I was alone.

Or… no, I wasn’t. Not entirely, at least. There was this… warmth. This light, almost. I was scared and alone, but the light helped keep me warm and safe. I think, at least. With no proof even within my own mind, it makes what I feel seem less reliable, but I know it happened. I know. Or, I thought. I don’t know. It’s all a big jumbled mess.

All I know is that before Selphie found me on the beach that day, everything was dark. And cold. And alone. But not. Because that light was protecting me.

Maybe I am losing my mind. How can I both feel something and not feel something at the same time?

Selphie nearly gave me a heart attack when her concerned hand gently touched my elbow that day, but outwardly, I had no reaction. It was unnatural. She touched me and I barely moved. I only slightly shifted to face her but with no control of my own. Like my body was on autopilot, trying to fly to my rescue. And I was so tired. As nice as she could put it, Selphie said I looked dead in the eyes when I looked at her before collapsing in her arms, and isn’t that embarrassing?

Wakka and Tidus had luckily come to the islands that day and found us soon enough, me lying in Selphie’s arms on her lap, wordless, almost comatose, and Selphie freaking out on the inside but surprisingly calm on the outside, holding my hand and gently stroking hairs behind my ear that just wouldn’t stay.

I don’t remember much from that day, honestly. All I know for sure is besides darkness and light, I vividly recall Selphie’s soft hand in mine, the slight shake of her body as she reassured me that everything was going to be okay, and the image of her crumbling to the floor the second she thought I couldn’t see her anymore behind the hospital door. But, I did, and it’s been haunting me ever since.

She looked so… frail. Small. Like a child, wailing on the floor in the middle of the hallway. For me. Maybe that’s the real reason I still apologize to her everyday, even if it’s only in my head. Purposefully or not, I did that to her, and the guilt is almost too much to bear.

Staying in the hospital was… an experience I hardly remember. It comes back in flashes, in sensations I’d never felt before but can pinpoint exactly now, like an IV in my arm and being fed food and water because I couldn’t do it myself for days on end. Humiliation is commonplace among my confusing and busted wheelhouse of emotions now, it seems.

The weird thing was, when I was conscious and coherent, trying to tell everyone what I think happened, with their words, they told me I was wrong, that I never left the islands, that everyone is safe and here, that I have nothing to worry about. But their actions said something different. Worrying hands that seemed frantic for reasons more than me having a bad… whatever I had. Quick glances constantly thrown over my parents shoulder, like if they looked away for even a second, I’d disappear into thin air.

Sometimes, it feels like the other way around. Like instead of disappearing into thin air, I just appeared out of nowhere one day.

It’s confusing because I don’t feel this way about my entire life. I know the memories of before that day are real, that I came to this island as a little girl, that against all odds I found a family and great friends, but it still feels so, so wrong. Even though those memories shouldn’t be tainted in anyway, they still feel off. Incorrect. Like something missing. Just like Selphie’s telling of the day she found me. I don’t think she’s lying, but I know she isn’t right. And the most confusing part is I’m not lying to myself, but I know my memories aren’t right either.

It’s been a slow adjustment, coming back. I keep phrasing it that way in my head. “Coming back.” I didn’t leave, not physically. At least, I don’t think, but it feels like I came home after a long, long, taxing journey. Like when you come back after a long family trip and the tiredness of your travels finally settles in, leaving you fatigued and sluggish, but I never feel that relief that swells in you when you finally get home. That feeling of when you step through the door of your house and comfort, safety, security, home washes over you. It hasn’t happened yet. I’ve never left, and yet I don’t feel like I’m home.

‘ Try not to think of it,’ my mother tells me. ‘Focus on what it is you’re feeling,’ the therapist says. ‘I’m losing my mind,’ I think.

I don’t know which one of us is right.

At the moment I’m sitting on the balcony of my bedroom, staring out at the setting sun as it’s light sparkles over the horizon. I’ve always loved twilight. It’s the best part of the day, when the sun is nuzzling into it’s comfortable place and gives us one last glow of it’s beauty before saying farewell and making way for the night. The time between day and night has always been one of comfort for me. It’s even prettier on the play islands, but I haven’t been back since Selphie found me.

Okay… not technically true. I did go back once when I could find the chance to get away between the hectic mess of discharging from the hospital and settling back in at home. And there I go talking about it like that again. “Settling back in.” I never left, so there’s nothing to settle into. I tell myself this so I feel like I at least have a little control, but once the lying starts it means that control has been lost for a long time, right?

...Right. The play islands. I went back because I thought I could… I don’t know. Find whatever it was that was missing? As if it was just some trinket I dropped near the paopu tree and if I came running back it’d be right there, waiting for me to return. It sounds as ridiculous as it felt to do. What I lost wasn’t some mere charm off a bracelet or something trivial like that, it was real and important, of course it wasn’t going to just magically appear the last place I remember seeing it.

Huh… that’s a bit of a clue, isn’t it? “The last place I remember seeing it.” The paopu tree. It keeps coming up in my thoughts and in my memories, as if I can trust those, but maybe that will be helpful down the line.

Before all of this stuff happened, I used to keep a diary. Not for any real reason, the content of it hardly mattered, honestly. Scribblings here, a random poem there, what I wrote wasn’t important, it was the fact that I was writing at all that was. It helped me keep things clear and concise in my own head, all my thoughts organized into one, easy to read space. I kept a journal with me constantly, writing down anything that seemed important and sometimes especially things that were mundane, so I wouldn’t forget it later. I eventually fell out of the habit, but the doctor suggested for me to pick it up again to help make sense of what happened to me and I’ve been trying to do it ever since.

These days, though, my thoughts and writings form into one big blob of a mess and I find myself constantly getting lost in the flow between them. Some things I thought I wrote down end up being only thoughts I had at some point and never committed to writing down, and other things I thought were only daydream imaginings end up staring right back at me on the lines of paper. I look down at the notebook in my lap now and realize I’ve been writing this whole time. It’s become second nature at this point, I wasn’t even looking at what I was writing. My penmanship has seen better days but the writing is still legible and… as coherent as I can make my thoughts be recently. It makes sense to me, at least. (And doesn’t.)

I scribble the note about the paopu tree down, even drawing a crude rendition of the tree with three paopu fruits on it in the margins, as best as I can muster. It’s not much, but drawing has also been helping me make sense of the mess of my brain recently, even though I’m not all that good at it. Maybe I need a hobby. Something to distract me. The doctor said something like that, too, I think, but, as always, I can’t remember clearly.

There are few and far moments in between when thinking about whatever it was that happened to me isn’t all-consuming and occupying every one of my thoughts, and my mind flits over to the thought of school.

God, doesn’t that sound awful.

School has never been bad, but dealing with it while also dealing with all of this sounds a bit much. Maybe I can ask if I can be homeschooled, just for a semester. Mom and dad will probably fight it, saying it’ll be good for me to be among my peers, especially after all of this, but I disagree. It might not be a good idea, but I think I just need to be alone with this stuff for a while, so I can make sense of it for myself, and then I can make it make sense to others. If it ever gets to that point. I don’t know if it will, honestly.

Well, it’s okay for now. School isn’t for at least another month so until then, I’ll just keep trying to make everything make sense.

I’m not normally a pessimist, but these thoughts and recent experiences have made me not feel like myself. I try to not let it bother me, but it does so much. I scribble another note down about needing to make a checklist of school supplies and end the note with an explanation point, dotting the bottom with a drawing of a paopu fruit.

Paopu fruit… paopu tree…

I look up from my journal and out to the glittering sea, the play islands gently hugging the darkening horizon. Maybe I should go back there soon. Something feels like it’s calling me. But maybe I’m imagining that, too.

I hear my mother call me for dinner and I sigh, closing my notebook. I stand, looking out wistfully towards the twilight horizon and the play islands one more time, before I leave the balcony and shut the sliding door tight, locking it into place.

Another thought for another day.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Fucking finally! Do you know how fucking long I’ve been waiting for this? Since I saw a spoiler in September that told me who would be on Taskmaster season 15. And I lost my mind wanting to celebrate about it, and I couldn’t, because I wanted to be ethical and not draw further attention to leaked confidential information. Even though the leaked information didn’t come from that obscure a source and probably a lot of people already saw it and have been in the same boat as I was, anxiously waiting until they could talk about it the thing people already knew.

Anyway, I have spent nearly two months waiting for this, and now I can finally say:

- Obviously, top story is: Frankie Boyle!!! It’s not just that I really like him as a comedian. He is specifically someone I think will be so entertaining on Taskmaster. Specifically because he’s not remotely suited to the format. That’s why I want to watch him do it. I want to watch how much he’s able to stay “in character” in something like this, and what it looks like when he isn’t. I don’t know what sounds funnier to me – Frankie Boyle’s normal comedy persona playing Taskmaster, or Frankie Boyle having to stop being his normal comedy persona. They both sound great.

- After the season 14 lineup was announced in June, I made a list of the five people who’ve never done Taskmaster, and whom I’d most like to see do it someday. Frankie Boyle was number one on the list, for the above reasons. The other four, in an order I did not specify, were Sandi Toksvig, Andy Zaltzman, Adam Hills, and Richard Ayoade. What I did not mention in that post was that Mae Martin was very much number six. I spent some time looking at the screen and thinking about that, deciding which of my six choices to cut. I ended up cutting Mae Martin because the other five barely edged them out, but they were a close sixth.

Then, just last month, someone asked me who my dream Taskmaster lineup would be, so I gave five names that were not on the list I made in June: David O’Doherty, Huge Davies, Susan Calman, Chris Addison, and Josie Long. I really wanted to put Mae Martin on that list, but I felt weird doing so because I knew they were already cast on season 15, and I couldn’t say so, so I just left them out of contention. But they very much should have been there.

- Reasons for why I want Mae on there: I have a feeling they’re quite competitive, based on the way they talk sometimes in stand-up, but I’ve never seen them show that so far. I want to see if I’m right, and if I am I think it’ll be brilliant. I love their style of talking, going at a million words a minute and overexplaining themselves and falling over themselves to get everything right. I know that’s affected for stand-up to some extent (and for their sitcom, where they talk basically the same way), but it’s consistent with the way they talk in interviews too, and I think they’d bring it to Taskmaster. That sounds like so much fun.

Also, and this isn’t the primary reason want them there because I think they’d be fantastic no matter what, but it is a very cool thing: first openly trans Taskmaster contestant!

- Battle of Charlotte Ritchie’s husbands!

- I’ll be honest, I know almost nothing about Jenny Éclair, even though I should, because pioneer of women in comedy back when women in comedy were not so common and all. I watched a bit of her while downloading clips of all the contestants to make a video, though, and she seems quite funny.

- 18 months ago I properly disliked Ivo Graham. 12 months ago I could take or leave him. He’s grown on me since, for various reasons. Watching British as Folk was the main thing that pushed me into properly liking him. I still think he can be up and down, and he’s better when he’s not going on about the posh stuff and/or trying too hard to sound like James Acaster. I have a feeling Taskmaster might push me into really liking him, because all the things that have endeared Ivo Graham to me are things that I think make people amusing on Taskmaster. I’m picturing him being self-effacing and overthinking and hesitating, and possibly really bad at it, I think I’m just describing John Kearns. But caring a little more how he does than John Kearns.

- I’m almost sure this means we’re not back to more Canadians than Americans on the show – Katherine Ryan and Mae Martin versus Desiree Burch. We’re beating the Americans at something!