#ficbunny: cherik

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Concept: Charles Xavier, Serial Matchmaker, sneakily bringing couples together via the medium of scalding hot threesomes.  

[amarriageoftrueminds]

@rainbowish-unicorn replied to your post “Idea: Mutant Vets AU  In which Erik is the Supervet, a brilliant…”

you need to tell me Absolutely Everything about this! *u* 

omg if you haven’t seen this show you need to see this show you’d love it’s all about this guy who is like a world-pioneer of doggy prostheses and designs half of the stuff he puts on the pets himself. (It’s 99% dogs and cats and extremely posh highly-strung owners because those surgeries and scans don’t come cheap). But he’s a bleedin’ wizard. He’s a bit like Doctor House, but for pets. Doctor Dog House.  (Y'know, typical surgeon.) 

So just... Erik. As that. 

The formidable animal surgeon dude with a small army of fellow-mutant animal nurses at his beck and call, using his mutation to make perfectly fitted prosthetics and titanium plates to put on broken animal bones -- only with his mutation he can do it much more quickly and accurately, and less invasively. 

And he got into vet. science because animals are better than baseline humans and he’s not allowed to use it to practise ‘human’ medicine. 

And where he knows all about how the insides work, Charles is the animal behaviour specialist who keeps bringing him difficult unusual animals for Erik to help (which of course he must because it’s Charles). 

And he is a bit like the mad marquis of Bath -- eccentric toff, grew up in a massive mansion full of exotic pets, leopards wandering round the library, reads with a parrot on his shoulder, that sort of thing -- and initially got into animal care because it helped him learn how to use his telepathy, by practising on simpler, quieter animal minds. 

And maybe if this is set in England he started his safari-park because local hunts wanted to shoot/hunt on his estate since it’s traditional and he was like ‘whups you can’t come on my land it’s going to have lions on it oh dear what a shame.’ 

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Idea: Mutant Vets AU 

In which Erik is the Supervet, a brilliant pioneering animal surgeon who moulds perfectly customised metal bionic prostheses out of thin air, and Charles is the eccentric animal-whisperer slash safari park/zoo-owner who has only to touch his temple to get a whole waiting room full of noisy animals to quiet, instantly. 

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Favourite thing: Charles Xavier + Avengers. 

shameless flirt Tony flirting shamelessly with shameless flirt Charles, calling him ‘Freckles,’ makes a marriage proposal at least once a year. 

having a running joke-feud over which of their sciences is better (which Tony loses because Bruce comes in on Charles’ side).

being childhood rich-sad-orphan-genius-bros (turned fuckbuddies) turned bros again who flirt with each other all the time mostly out of habit until Tony catches Erik’s eye and nearly pees a little and has to be rescued by Pepper. 

who d’you think introduced Phil to that Cellist in the first place.

Steve Rogers going a bit starry eyed because of his accent and love of old British things (turns out his mum was at Roedean with Peggy Carter) and Finally, Someone Else Who Speaks Righteousness and yet is also a proper New Yorker.

Thor going a bit starry eyed because of his accent and the fact that he’s a tiny bird-like brunet enthusiastic about science. 

???? somehow drinking Thor under the table?????

drinking tea and playing chess with Vision whilst fielding any Human Beings: Why?? questions with which he may be currently struggling. 

‘tch, these psioni-typicals, amirite??’ psychic bitching sessions with Wanda. 

taking a genuine interest in Clint’s family / how things are at the farm, and speaking ASL.

only known person able to fluster Sam Wilson, by a cunning mix of outrageous double entendre and earnestly praising his work at the VA.

getting hustled away from Natasha because he already has a slinky greeny-eyed redhead in his life thank you very much and Erik knows competition when he sees it. 

somehow ending every Avengers party in a separate room with all the women who adore him and administer stern shovel talks about him to all the other Avengers who are like how is he doing this

[amarriageoftrueminds]

*as the a/b/o fixation continues: cherik ficbunnies that won’t leave me alone* 

something like White Nights where omega Charles is a hostage prince type sent to live in alpha Erik’s fortress/dukedom as a kind of political insurance and because Erik is an unmarried alpha duke/king/similar whom everyone is trying to get hitched, he is used to all the omegas he sees being stunningly beautiful (because all the omegas in his court/staff are stunningly beautiful), looking their best to try and snare him, so at first he is visibly unimpressed by the appearance of scholar!Charles’ frumpy low-maintenance robes and makes this tactlessly plain to him so that by the time he realises he’s actually wildly attracted to Charles, Charles has already trained himself to be cheerfully and utterly oblivious to him and Erik’s like well shit I went and made him seduction-proof. 

alpha Erik who’s never really thought about how unfair the treatment of omegas is, and smug patronising doesn’t-realise-he’s sexist omega Charles who thinks of alphas as dim-witted cavemen fit only for one night stands and not relationship material, having passionate chemistry fueled debates about the subject in which Erik gets increasingly frustrated thinking how am I supposed to win the point about alphas not being obsessed with sex when all I want to do is jump him no I will NOT JUMP HIM THAT WILL MEAN I’VE LOST. 

Or, hurt/comfort where omega Charles has had a bad experience with an alpha in his life, meets alpha Erik who sees he’s still wary and treats him like absolute gold, reassures him when he realises Charles is worrying he’ll lose interest if he doesn’t put out and, just, the slowburn of Charles enjoying being wooed by someone who knows what they’re about, slowly getting his swag back under Erik’s TLC until they’re finally at the point where they can go through a heat together. 

bisexual-but-keeps-getting-mistaken-for-a-soft-butch-lesbian omega!Charles who happens to prefer dressing like a beta thank you very much and can people please stop stereotyping him just because he attended an all-omicrons boarding school happens to enjoy playing rugby and rowed for the omegas’ team at Oxford, honestly.

[amarriageoftrueminds]

Ideas for Modern Cherik NY Ballet AU

Erik is a world famous dancer and mutant icon whose career was tragically derailed under the influence of a toxic mentor when he was in his early 20s

for revenge he and toxic-mentor’s bitter ex-wife pool their resources and found New York Mutant Ballet, the world’s first mutant-only ballet company

he kicked off their infamy with an original piece of choreography where he used his mutant powers on stage to create a partner out of metal (earning him the nickname in Time magazine ‘Erik Lehnsherr: The Man From Mercury’) which the press went nuts about, and which became a huge cultural touchstone for mutants globally

Fastforward half a decade NYMB has become known for its spectacular productions and progressive mutant-hiring policy but it’s always tricky finding funding because of anti-mutant prejudice

Erik is super old school, insists on flawless classical technique in all his dancers to defy any anti-mutant critics who say that they're all flash and no skill 

MEANWHILE, Charles Xavier, AKA ‘Little Bird,’ is the Royal Ballet’s newly-legendary soloist, Unicef ambassador, seriously properly go-down-as-a-byword talented, breakout role as a 17 y/o Puck in Dream, has danced in the best companies all over the world, featured in Danny Boyle’s Olympic opening ceremony, etc. 

he’s having problems with TRB because he wants to come out as a mutant publicly and has a souring relationship w/ their creative director (who he was involved with, but he’s revealed himself as a bit of a psiphobe in relationships)

so when he hears from his little sister (in NY) that NYMB is holding their annual mutant-only auditions he says ‘fuck it’ hops on a flight and turns up unannounced

Erik by this time has become so insular and workaholic running the company he doesn’t deign to know about baseline (ie. non-mutant) dancers, so he doesn’t recognise him

the other audition judges are going HOLY SHIT IT’S LITTLE BIRD PSST ERIK, ERIK PLS- 

but he’s super rude because he thinks Charles is a human trying to make a mockery of their mutant-only hiring process and he’s like ‘WELL you’re too short but if you wanna dance FINE waste your own time’ 

Charles is struggling to keep a straight face as he finds the whole thing hysterically funny and is trying to be professional about it

but of course he then has to knock Erik’s SOCKS off when he dances

[ STUPIDLY SIZZLING CHEMISTRY ENSUES ]

queue Erik trying to remain unimpressed ‘okay okay ok-wait wait wAIT woah hang on a sec who is this guy-’ and then giving him a deadpan ‘...............fine’ 

and of course they take Charles on and his presence and personality are so inspiring he injects a huge burst of morale into the company (plus he’s really enjoying being in a mutant-inclusive environment and is even more enthusiastic than usual as a result) 

eg. like he takes the whole company out to a mutant bar to celebrate their first week of rehearsals together and Raven is like ‘hey bro bro do the Thing’ and Charles shows them his party trick which is to instigate a natural flashmob using his telepathy

and Erik sees him in the centre of the crowd making everyone laugh and enjoy themselves invoking the joy of dance that he’d forgotten and just being an absolute boss omega!telepath controlling all those people like it’s nothing and is like oh no I’m in trouble

but he can’t avoid Charles because he is now NYMB's star soloist, a huge draw, press darling, has to be included in all their fund-raising balls, etc. etc., their new season is centred around him and Erik is Obliged to choreograph new pieces for him 

queue jealous Erik in rehearsals having to watch other, less-good soloists trying to partner Charles, and butchering his choreography

finally snapping one day and going NO, LOOK, YOU IDIOT, DO IT LIKE THIS- striding onto the floor and taking position with him 

*:･ﾟ✧ MAGIC HAPPENS *:･ﾟ✧

ten minutes later they finish the pas de deux, stand panting and looking at eachother like woah because even for them the chemistry was off the chain, as the rest of the Corps slowly collect their jaws off the floor and erupt in applause because they just saw Dance History made

obviously from then on it’s decided Erik must come out of retirement to partner Charles on this one-off occasion for the good of mutant kind everywhere because they are simply Incandescent together

[ STUPIDLY SIZZLING CHEMISTRY INTENSIFIES ]

and pretty soon they are both crushing on each other Hard because they have to spend time together in private one-on-one rehearsals and Everyone Can See It

Erik is pining because he feels like he’s damaged goods who will drag Charles down/ruin his career the way his own toxic mentor did

both of them are trying to resist the Chemistry and keep it professional because they have rules about dating within the company and Charles is only supposed to be guest starring with them for one season (and unbeknown to Erik, Charles’ little sister has a crush on him.)

And the whole theme of the thing would be about the different kinds of dance (dance as art, dancing for fun, for romance, for seduction), Charles rekindling Erik’s lost love of the art and Erik being the first person to properly accept Charles’ telepathy in a relationship because he’s been pro-mutant-power so long and his co-director is a telepath and both of them can’t help surrendering to the inevitable

plus+ cool background mutant-culture world-building details: 

the different classes of mutants and how they see themselves, the slang around each type, 

the company staff doing jobs that fit their mutations, like photokinetics doing the stage lighting, telekinetic costume designers/seamstresses, technopathic engineers, a stage manager who can see through time, etc etc. 

Mutant NYC with mutant graffiti, teleporters acting like cab-drivers, Governors Island = GeNoShA (which is like the mutant TriBeCa) where the richest and trendiest mutants have lofts/condos/penthouses, etc etc. 

ends on the first night of their new show with Charles and Erik starring in a mutant version of Beauty and the Beast/similar which absolutely brings the house down and after the after-show party Erik finally, finally, Finally taking Charles back to his place

epilogue is them on the way to introduce Charles to Erik’s mum for the first time (now that they are officially a couple) laughing about how badly their first meeting went and Charles saying ‘well at least you weren’t the scariest person I’ve ever met. That was Dame Edie Eisenhard. Glad I don’t have to bump into her again!' and Erik turns to look directly at the camera. 

[amarriageoftrueminds]

@sherlocks-freebitch replied to your post “@ the Lord for that elaborately world-built and sexually restrained...”

PLEASE TELL US MORE

*interrupts you halfway through sentenceWELL IF YOU INSIST...* 

The meetcute was on the continent somewhere, there was this Napoleonic War business going on and British tourists debating whether to leave their resorts (currently full up with soldiers and politicians and their families). 

Erik was some kind of kick-ass Captain and notorious rake who got wounded in a woodland skirmish when the army ran away tactically retreated, thus leaving him temporarily behind enemy lines, so he had this long shallow sabre cut right across his back, and ended up in a little genteel spa town where half the buildings had been blown to bits by cannon fire. 

And Logan was his no-shit-taking batman (who had a pair of sabres strapped on his back), who was like ‘welp we need someone to stitch that up bub’ (because apparently there were no doctors available nearby... for some reason...) 

And Erik was all ‘don’t be stupid man everyone knows the only people who’re any good at sewing are omegas and we’re all alphas -- where’re we going to find an omega in this town??’ 

Enter stage right: Charles Xavier, wealthy bluestocking, and widower, who considers himself far too old to be re-marry-able because of his advanced age of eight-and-twenty, who happened to be in town because his pain-in-the-ass sister had run off to follow a young gentleman she wanted to elope with who was some ambassador’s assistant. 

So in bustles Charles, looking as knackered and stressed out as Erik feels (because he’s been kept awake by cannon fire and trying to talk said idiot sister into coming home with him). He’s not a medical doctor but his father was a great Physician who taught him a lot, and he’s like ‘right! off with your shirt, let’s have a look at you!’ 

And they were just quietly flirting with each other as Charles stitched Erik up, y’know, an unwed omega, alone in a room, with a strange alpha, who is in a serious state of undress; situation would be completely unacceptable and scandalous in polite society but is excusable here because There Is A War On. 

And Erik was peering at him like ‘wow, this gentleman’s got a really good complexion for a beta... and those eyes! and Byron himself would be proud of that mouth! and he smells amazi- WAIT A SECOND- you’re an omega?!’

And after he realised, every time Erik said/did something flirty Charles was just giving him a stern Look and shutting him down or jabbing him with the needle but secretly enjoying himself a bit. 

And there was a bit where Charles accidentally complimented Erik’s body by assuming he must wear corsets to get that shape (which is something men did do at the time and a bunny I’ve had for. ever.)

It went: 

C: Well you’re lucky, it’s a nice narrow slice - your stays must have held the wound closed.

E: ...My stays? 

C: Yes. You know. Your stays. Whatever you wear to keep your body in that ridiculous shape. Honestly! I know you military fellows like to cut a dash, but wearing corsets into battle is carrying it a little far, don’t you think?

And Erik was all like ‘do go on’ and tricked Charles into feeling his abs up for any bruises or pinch marks his corsets might have left, and Charles jerking his hand away in shock when he realised Erik really is that shape, it’s all real, he doesn’t wear corsets. 

And as they were chatting over the course of Charles stitching him Erik realised he was a proper gentleman not to be taken advantage of (like the kind of omega you usually find following the army), and when they went to say goodbye Erik straightened up and became all formal and respectful and Charles was trying to be all disapproving and ‘don’t think you can get round me with that charm I know just what you’re up to buster’ but a bit flustered all the same because Erik kissed his hand and hoped to be allowed to call on him whenever he’s next in London. 

And after Charles left and the rest of Erik’s garrison occupied the town he was like ‘oh by the way Logan just let the fellows know that there’s an omega in town and he is a gentleman to be treated as such and if I hear anyone has been importuning him they’ll be up for a court martial before their feet can touch the fuckin’ ground.’

.

And much later down the line they met up in London where Erik spotted Charles across the room at Almack’s. 

(That’s a really-tame posh assembly room in London where the high society went to introduce their daughters to the marriage market -- Erik was only going because one of his superior officers was there with his wife and daughters and he wanted to sneakily speak to him.)

And he spotted Charles across the room, sitting against the wall with all the ‘other’ old spinsters and widows who are NOT DANCING, because no one would ask them, and Erik was just like daaamn because before he’d only ever seen Charles in dishevelled travelling clothes but here is Charles in all his fashionably-bedecked omega glory. 

Oh! Oh! And the fashions! There were different fashions of evening dress for each gender! 

The alphas were in dark colours - the men in breeches, coats, and waistcoats, the women in breeches, coats, and bustiers, or v-neck dresses split to the hip with breeches underneath (because the style is supposed to be demure colours but really good tailoring, to show off an athletic body). 

The betas were like dandies, with more vivid colours and patterns and frills and jewellery (more eye-catching, cuz they don’t have the pheromones to help them be attractive). 

The omegas were all in pale colours, (tho the married ones could go darker/more patterned: the reason Charles was a bit difficult to read as an omega for Erik is cuz he has a touch of the beta-dandy about him; more pattern and colour than you’d expect on an omega, since he’s a widower.) 

The females were in empire-line dresses, as you’d expect, standard Regency fare, and the male omegas were like male alphas only the fabrics were softer and they had no neck-ties, so under the waistcoats the shirts were open to the upper/mid chest (it was all about having the neck exposed, for both kinds of omega, because that’s where the bond-mark goes and all the nice scent-places are) and their cuffs were open, too, to leave the wrists accessible (a bit more like the Georgian fashions, when everything was lace).

So Erik went over to ask Charles to dance and there was all this scandalised whispering going on because in London he has this reputation as a womaniser and Byronic bad-boy and Charles’ friends were all like no Charles don’t associate with him everyone knows Lehnsherr’s an absolute hellion who’s fought countless duels and got a trail of broken omega hearts behind him!  

And Charles was genuinely shocked to be asked to dance like ‘oh! but Mr Lehnsherr! I am eight and twenty!!?’ 

And Erik was like ‘fucksake you actual cherub if you don’t get on that dancefloor right this second I’m gunna to SIT NEXT TO YOU and SEDUCE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU for the rest of this evening’ (but in Regency speak). 

.

And the rest of the dream was just about Erik trying to win Charles over despite his bad rep by being a smooth bastard flirting his pants off and being blissed out on Charles’ perfect combination of married-omega worldliness and alpha-like understanding (cuz his father was very progressive and had him educated as well as any alpha heir and Charles is an abolitionist and runs charity schools and studies Botany and agriculture as his hobby to help him run his estates and is pals with William Wilberforce), and unravel the mystery of how Charles has managed not to be snapped up again by some lucky alpha when he looks like that and has a huge fortune, to boot.

(And it turns out that it’s because 1) his step-brother Cain, the blackguard, has been following Charles around seeing off any possible suitors, trying to force Charles to marry him so he can get his hands on his fortune, and it’s only the cleverness of Charles’ father’s will and his late husband’s that makes it impossible. 2) Charles’ sister is so beautiful that she overshadows him and people tend to overlook freckled little bluestocking Charles whenever they meet them - and, really, who wants an omega with opinions?)

.

There was a bit where Charles was thinking to himself ‘don’t be fooled, don’t let him win you over, you know he’s trouble’ while Erik was flirting with him, and Erik noticed the change in his face and said ‘you’ve stiffened up’ and Charles said ‘I BEG your pardon! I most certainly have NOT-oh, you meant my demeanour-’ and then went bright pink and Erik was Delighted.

And then there was this really super-romantic bit where Erik brought Charles a bracelet (it was so pretty, it was made of really finely-wrought silver leaves curled together in a little chain; English oak leaves, for his English Charles). 

And he got Charles to come into an empty room with him during a ball so he could give it to him (the bracelet, I mean) and persuaded him to sit down on a sofa and put his wrist on Erik’s knee so he could fasten it for him and Erik ended up doing a really slow seduction-caress thing where he was kissing his wrist while holding his hand and then kissing and sniffing his throat (under the pretence of admiring his necklace; boy’s got game) while Charles swooned. 

(It was a really fucking pretty necklace, too; just a single pearl drop on a blue velvet ribbon).

But then Charles’ mate Moira (who was on cad-blocking duty) burst in like ‘OH THERE YOU ARE CHARLES I’m not surprised you’re fainting it’s so stifling in here isn’t it such a frightful squeeze tonight so I’d best be getting you home you look like you’ve had quite enough excitement for one day GOOD EVENING, MR LEHNSHERRdon’t follow us.’ 

.

(And I’m pretty sure there was something in there about them being mutants, too, because Erik made the bracelet using his powers, and there was something about Genosha being significant to the war somehow like maybe it was a Johnathan Strange & Mr Norrell type scenario mutants are seen as Fey and were being given their own island in return for fighting against Old Boney??? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

[amarriageoftrueminds]

current favourite passive-aggressive ship daydream: 

Thor offering to be everybody’s go-to ‘I will help your ex realise what they’re missing out on by pretending to be your amazing new boyfriend for a night’ Friend™

[amarriageoftrueminds]

*pops in to jot down AU idea I had last night that is killing me*

Set-up is: ‘You’re the recently widowed step-father/legal guardian of the child I didn’t know I had, and now I’ve come to take custody of them but am distraught to find that you have grown emotionally attached, think of the kid as yours, and the kid thinks of you as their parent, and now we have to work something out or we’re both going to lose him/her.’

[amarriageoftrueminds]

in other news: had a dream omega!Charles had all his girl friends over so they could binge watch a mini-series called The Kids From Brooklyn. 

It was a romantic WWII melodrama about Steve and Bucky. 

[amarriageoftrueminds]

Ideas for Epic Cherik ‘While You Were Sleeping’ Modern Still-Powered Angsty Fluff with a Happy Ending AU

Set in New York not Chicago, obvs.

Charles is shockingly-young Professor of Genetics at Columbia, multiple degrees, PhD, all the usual impressive stuff, Hank is his bumbling TA

Erik is a civil engineer who travels the world working for a mutant-based Disaster Management company

Raven is a struggling children’s book author and illustrator (who just published her first series, ‘My Mutation Is Like...’ which aims to help mutant children understand mutations, a different one for each book).

She’s the one who ends up in a coma

She and Charles recently had a big fight (and are currently estranged) because he saw how horrible her boyfriend Azazel was on the inside and tried to persuade her to break up with him

After this, Erik befriended Raven on the train one day when he saw her being harassed about her blue skin by some anti-mutant humans; this was during his morning commute 

One day she gets on the train all agitated and tells him it’s because she just ran into her step-brother outside the station and doesn’t want him to find her; Erik offers to walk her to wherever she’s going if she’s worried

At a later date (near Christmas) he sees her being attacked by the same bunch of anti-mutant humans as before and getting pushed onto the tracks, he uses his powers to stop the train and save her

At the hospital he suspects she might not get the best treatment because she’s blue so he pretends to be Raven’s fiancé so that he can be in the room; glowering, etc. 

But then this pretty Englishman bursts into her hospital room looking distraught and introduces himself as Raven’s brother, Charles

Assuming he’s an anti-mutant human, Erik thinks this must be the infamous step-brother Raven was so clearly afraid of, and introduces himself as her fiancé again

Shit commences to hit the fan...

.

And later stuff... 

Charles looks at Erik like he hung the moon because he saved his little sister’s life, and her engagement to Erik (such a clearly put-together guy) obviously means that she must have taken Charles’ advice on board and all this time he’s been worrying about her she’s been secretly getting her life together

Of course Charles doesn’t read Erik’s mind because reading the minds of Raven’s boyfriends is what started the trouble in the first place

At first, Erik takes Charles’ professor-y clothes and Raven’s current straitened circumstances as proof that they’re not that well off and offers to help out with her medical bills; Charles can tell Erik genuinely had no idea Raven was so fabulously wealthy and therefore wasn’t after her for her money and this only makes Erik even more Perfect and Noble and Selfless and Wonderful in his eyes

Since Erik is a mutant immigrant and he fucked up a train and this is America *sigh* the police think the saving-Raven Incident was some kind of ‘mutant terrorist attack’ and are all up in his business 

Charles assumes the police have come to the hospital to get a description of Raven’s attackers from Erik and when he finds out why they’re really there, (to put Erik in jail!! A Hero!! at Christmas!!!??) he is so outraged that he pulls the W.A.S.P. card, hard, with a side of 'If You’d Like To Contact Mr Lehnsherr, Gentlemen, You May Do So Via Xavier Corps’ Entire Firm of Lawyers, Now GET OUT’ and is just uncharacteristically Fierce

So Erik thinks 1) wow look at the little fella go when he’s riled up wow he laid one royal smackdown on the fuzz in defence of a mutant wow 2) that’s kinda hot, 3) no wonder Raven’s scared of this guy. 4) Maybe I shouldn’t mention that I lied about being engaged to her because there’s no way I can afford the kind of legal defence I’m apparently going to need.

The press get hold of the story and Erik is suddenly trapped in a whirlwind of hysterical Mutant Hero Saves Fiancée From Oncoming Train After Muggers Pushed Her Onto the Tracks - At Christmas!!!! stories. (Queue Jewish annoyance.) Which luckily convinces the Powers That Be to let him off without punishment, but is another reason why he can’t confess he’s not her fiancé.

Ends up spending a lot of time with Charles while he’s, eg. going last minute Christmas-shopping, and coincidentally doing a lot of things (like, eg. strolling through the snow, going for coffee, ice skating whilst visiting the Rockerfeller Center Christmas Tree) Charles would usually do with Raven, that would probably pass for Romantic Dates if they weren’t, y’know, prospective brothers-in-law... 

Raven’s Disreputable Mutant Friends™ who provide plucky comic relief and try to get Charles out of his worry-rut and invite him and Erik along to parties, etc. 

Not that Erik cares, but who the fuck is this threateningly virile-looking guy in the wifebeater who he keeps catching in the act of Leaning at Charles? What's with the plaid?? What is he, some kind of lumberjack??? In New York??? Who even rides a motorcycle in this day and age????? Huh??? LAME.

Erik’s snarky office friend Emma who thinks his whole predicament is hilarious (also Edie and his Rabbi who can see from Day One what is really going on with him and Charles)

Erik shows up at the university to pick Charles up for a coffee-date- er, a platonic coffee meeting -slips in to the lecture hall and gets to witness the Magic that is Professor Xavier: Student Whisperer, ‘Cool’ Teacher, Hero of Men

Charles is Beloved among the student body and faculty because he cures hangovers (as a result of which his entire class is packed, every session, full of bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, pathetically grateful and engaged young people, despite the early hour, who hang on his every word and laugh at his terrible jokes). 

his entire class clearly adores him, and there’s this feelgood close-knit sharing-consciousness vibe like the ensemble at the end of a John Hughes movie; everyone hangs back at the end just to talk to Charles and give him Christmas presents and tell them about what’s going on with them because he’s genuinely interested (and also he gives his whole class Christmas and birthday presents every year).

And Erik takes all this in as well as noticing how beautiful he is when he’s striding back and forth with his curvy legs all animated and enthusiastic about Mutations smiling dazzlingly waving his hands as he talks and pushing his floppy hair out of his eyes and- oh... oh... shit...

Charles feeling increasingly angst-ridden because he’s clearly got a thing for Raven’s straight fiancé who is completely out of his league anyway and how will he live with himself if he ruins two relationships in a row for her just when she was getting her life together how will she ever forgive him???

BUT THE CHEMISTRY

MY SON IS ENGAGED AND I HAVE TO FIND OUT ABOUT IT IN THE NEWSPAPERS ERIK WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU BEING GAY SON ARE YOU HAVING A SEXUAL-IDENTITY CRISIS HAVE YOU TOLD RABBI ABOUT THIS ARE THERE BOOKS I CAN READ WHAT IS GOING ON

Charles was planning on being Alone at Christmas but when Edie finds out about this she is like I NOW DECLARE A STATE OF CHRISMUKKAH ERIK YOU MUST INVITE HIM ROUND I AM TELLING EVERYONE

Charles is clearly charmed and bittersweetened when he sees Erik’s happy family life / close relationship with his mother

Oh look Erik you’re under the ~*Mistletoe*~ MAMA NO

Erik increasingly confused as to why Raven was so afraid about Charles finding her, because Charles is so clearly some kind of angel/lamb hybrid in mutant form???

But then he finds out about Cain, the Evil Step-Brother, (courtesy of Threateningly-Virile-Looking Leaning-Lumberjack Guy) and meets the man in person when Cain shows up uninvited at a party and Erik has to defend Charles from him (ps. he is played by Tom Hardy) and okay now it really is time to put an end to this whole charade-

and getting a call from the doctor saying ‘Mister Lehnsherr, we’ve decided to bring Miss Darkholme out of her coma today because it’s really not good for the baby, okay?’  Ah yes, good, right. Wait. What?

Charles’ joy when he finds out I’m going to be an UNCLE!!! Thank you Erik, you’ve given me the best Christmas gift ever!!!

Meanwhile Charles’ TA Hank who’s secretly had a crush on Raven for ages has been going to the hospital to read books to her while she was in a coma (and is basically living the plot of a whole ‘nother Romcom on the side) but she’s engaged to That Handsome Hero Guy Everyone Thinks Is So Great, What A Jerk. 

Raven wakes up and can’t remember Erik beyond their brief meetings on the train and Charles is instantly like ‘Omg she’s got partial amnesia this is Dreadful!! We must take her to a specialist mind-reader! You too Erik! And in the meantime let’s leave you two love-birds alone together so you can get re-acquainted, I’m sure Erik can’t wait to introduce you to his Mum, Raven! Toodleoo!’

Erik is just saying shitshitSHIT at increasing volume in his head 

AZAZEL IS BACK, HE READ ABOUT RAVEN IN THE PAPERS, THE BABY IS HIS 

But Raven now sees Azazel is a bastard and dumps him

She kinda likes Erik (especially after listening to Charles rave about him) and thinks they could make a go at it because she thinks she remembers him reading to her when she was in a coma and finds that so romantic

‘Raven, I can’t marry you - I’m gay!’

HAVE YOU BEEN LEADING MY SISTER ON THIS WHOLE TIME WERE YOU JUST AFTER THE MONEY ALL ALONG YOU BASTARD

Hank bursting out with a ‘Raven, you can’t marry him, marry me! I will be your baby daddy!!’ 

ARGHHHHH

btw Raven while you were sleeping the press have been all over your story so your little childrens’ books are now at the top of the New York Times Bestseller List and your publisher wants you to do another series??

Ends with Erik getting found out, thinks he has blown it, sitting in his office one day, when Charles shows up (with an entourage of Disreputable Mutant Friends™ and newly-minted-couple Raven and Hank and Emma and his Rabbi and Edie and the fucking Postman prolly with their faces squished up against the glass of his office.) 

And Charles is like ‘Hello, I understand this is a Disaster Management Company, yes? Well I was wondering if you could help me. You see... I’ve got this friend... it’s his Love Life. It’s a complete disaster. In fact, you could say.... it’s a trainwreck.’ 

BIG DAMN KISS

T H E   E N D

[amarriageoftrueminds]

ADORABLE CHERIK DREAM LAST NIGHT

Low self-esteem disabled!Charles and his dick of a boyfriend were at this posh gala thing and the boyfriend rammed Charles’ chair into the corner of a buffet table, knocking a big stack of silverware onto the floor, then stormed off in a huff, embarrassed, so that when everyone turned around to see what the noise was it looked as if Charles had wheeled himself into the table

Erik came over and used his power to float all the stuff back into place no fuss

Later he overheard the dick boyfriend playing the sensitive-carer card to hit on a woman, with a bullshit monologue about how difficult his life is supporting Charles, within earshot of Charles himself

and Erik then spent the rest of the night coming on to Charles hard, flirting mentally with him right in front of the dick boyfriend and listing reasons why he should totally dump the dick boyfriend and go out for coffee with Erik instead and by the time they left he was mentally reciting his phone number really loud ^_^