#fighting and sacrificing your own happiness and yourself to bring about needed changes

[cassandra-silver]

To anyone in the TUC fandom who has looked at AHS and skipped it because they heard the ending is happy...

... and then assumed that it's just a wish fulfillment "ideal reality" kind of outcome of the TUC story that cuts all of the depth, pain, and realism ... Go back and read it right now.

Because that is not what AHS is. Not even close.

AHS is not "my version" of TUC where I just change whatever I dislike without regard for themes or characters in the original. Far from it. One of the main goals I had was actually to give more of the Underland. More characterization (that aligns with canon, although some characters develop in a different direction because of shifts in circumstances), more worldbuilding (that coincides with canon, adding onto it), ... just more, period.

The best way I can describe what it actually is is honestly saying that AHS is to TUC like Marvel's "What if ...?" is to the MCU. It is quite literally a "What if Henry had survived his fall at the end of "Gregor the Overlander"?" And I kid you not, 95% of the changes in the story, compared to TUC, are simply a result of exactly this change.

But the entire plot of the final book is different, right? Well, I didn't say that the consequences of that one change weren't substantial. They are. Without spoiling too much I can only say that Henry happens to be an optimist, and it also happens that an optimist was exactly what the TUC story needed to achieve a happier outcome.

Anyone who has actually read my version of the CoC plot will tell you that it is far from ideal, perfect, or pain-free. A lot more happens in the actual plot, but most of those new events are there to serve the dark, violent nature of war. There's so much talk about loss, and sacrifice, exploration of (also the dark side of) heroism, and whether "for the greater good" is worth it. There's corruption and death, injustice, and grappling with unkind fates and alienation/rejection.

Now, I will admit that I did put less emphasis on the societal pressure aspect of CoC, but mainly because that theme is a huge part of AHS 2 already, and it did not really fit this part of the story anymore. Instead, "Gregor against society" becomes "Questers against society" (quite literally, since they are — small spoiler — banding together to actually overthrow Solovet and bring about change.)

BUT ... if there is corruption, death, and the violence of war, how is it happier then? How can it have a happy ending?

Very simply because it is not only corruption but also redemption. Not only death and suffering but also growth and gain. Not only violence and breaking of relationships but also companionship, hope, and mending of relationships.

... The main change that happens to be so powerful it can give this series a happy ending without disrespecting or abandoning its original gritty violent core is ... a shift in mindset toward the positive. For Gregor, but also for everyone else. One of the main themes I added is the exploration of the double-edged nature of things: Everything has good and bad consequences. What we take away from it is what we choose to focus on.

Now you might see better what I meant by "All this series needed was an optimist" earlier. If there were someone to remind people of the bright side, to remind Gregor that his rager power does not make him evil and that he is never alone or choiceless, to embody this hopeful outlook and bring it out in everything ... I promise to you that this is all it would have taken.

And this is what I'm giving you.

[a-concert-just-for-me]

The significance of 9, 99, and 999 in Asriel’s letter

Or: a disjointed analysis of Chara’s obsession with power vs. Asriel’s obsession with friendship and novelty.

Disclaimer: I haven’t played the game in a while, so some of the information may be misremembered. I tried my best using clips/screenshots for reference.

Disclaimer 2: I am also a Chara sympathizer!!!!! I changed the wording a bit to reflect this.

Chara loved the number 9 because they believed that in reaching the highest number, they’d become invincible. It’s implied in-game that Chara didn’t have a good past with the humans, so when they fell into the underground, the concepts of being safe and having power were likely novel experiences to them. They found comfort in the finality of “making it to the top” and staying there.

Asriel was just happy to have a friend.

Chara used to fill up their glass to the brim. Not necessarily because they were all that thirsty, but because it was “the most efficient way” to do things. Asriel followed their lead. There was a lot of spilled water in the house.

Chara, regardless of if their motivations were altruistic, neutral, or vengeful, wasn’t fully satisfied with their life in the underground at some point towards the end. They utilized the influence they had over Asriel to strong-arm him into a plan he voiced becoming uncomfortable with on a couple different occasions.

He recorded the two of them talking about their plan. He kept the lens cap on by accident at first. Then on purpose. Then, when he took it off, Chara instructed him to turn off the camera.

Asriel valued having Chara in his life. The thought of his friendship with Chara having a an expiration date was terrifying to him. He decided somewhere along the way that if he wanted to hold on to every single good memory they shared, he’d need to ensure he had enough space for them.

Asriel’s “highest number” in the letter went from 99 to 999 in the same letter. Maybe he could just keep adding more 9s to his memory counter. Maybe if he didn’t keep an eye on the numbers, he could stay with Chara forever…

When Asriel didn’t do what Chara said— when Asriel said he didn’t want to kill the humans on the surface, Chara tried to take control. They couldn’t compromise on what they wanted. It killed both of them.

Asriel later gained the power to reset. He couldn’t feel anything for anyone anymore, but out of curiosity, he tried every combination of actions available.

It became boring. He wanted more. He wanted Chara.

If he squinted his eyes really hard, he could pretend that YOU were Chara.

In the normal ending fight with Asriel, his stats became infinite. You felt the space in your inventory becoming smaller and smaller, filled with “Last dreams.”

Through determination, the dream came true. You were able to heal yourself. Nothing could hurt you anymore. You were invincible.

He still wanted to defeat you. He still wanted control. He still wanted to reset and bring all of your memories back to zero. He told you that determination, the power that let you get this far, was going to be your downfall.

It was for him, after all.

Yet as the player, you were still able to come back from death, so long as you stayed determined. It frustrated him. He told you he was fighting to keep Chara around because he cared about them.

He told you he didn’t want this to end. He told you he didn’t want to say goodbye.

When he became a monster again, he made a choice of his own: he wanted to break the barrier and let everyone to free.

He sacrificed his own happiness to let everyone else be free. He accepted that he needed to let go. He accepted that you need to continue on in the timeline without him.

Still, you as the player have the option to undo all that progress, if you feel the desire to. Just like Flowey, you can start seeing experiences and friendships as just numbers too.

On the neutral/pacifist run, Chara never fought for control over the player. But once you started killing in the genocide, they gained power and sought to use it by the end of the story.

In the genocide route, Flowey begged Chara to let him help. He thought up a plan to go to the surface and then live there. He was tired of the resets. He wanted stability with the one person he found interesting.

And then that person killed him.

Unlike Asgore in the scene before, there were no 9s above Flowey’s head when he died.

(I’m not 100% sure of the implications there, but it feels like a loaded detail, now.)

At the end of the genocide run, Chara wants to be your partner now. They have you trapped in the void. If you don’t do what they say, you’ll be stuck here forever.

If you want to keep playing the game, you have to agree. They kill you. Your screen floods with more 9s than you can count.

It wouldn’t be surprising if Chara’s next goal could be to conquer YOU.

(But. No one can hurt anyone anymore)

Chara’s next goal may just be to stop you.

But again: Overall, YOU still have the power to reopen the game. YOU have the power to play around with everyone’s lives. No matter how much control the kids fight for, they’re at YOUR mercy, at the end of the day.

There’s a highest number for you, too, though, isn’t there? Eventually, you’ll get bored and turn off the game.

But maybe not. You can always turn on the computer again and meet with Flowey at the beginning, like nothing ever happened.

Maybe Flowey was right when he said that determination would be your downfall.

[certifiedlovergirlsstuff]

the winner takes it all

pairing: peeta mellark x gn!reader

wc: 890

warnings: blood and weapons mentioned. cato getting eaten by mutts (spoiler i guess). a self-sacrificing suicide (i fucking fridge someone off)

summary: there can only be one winner of the hunger games.

A/N: bread boy! lover boy! peeta mellark everyone!!!

masterlist

cato was dead.

his screams of agony mixed with the growls and snarls of the mutts ripping him apart. you and peeta peered down from above on the cornucopia, panting from the strenuous fighting while witnessing the horror below. his screams of mercy, begging to be put to his death. all you could do was watch as he finally went silent, his vocal cords ripped out by a mutt with dark brown eyes. they ran away once their prey stopped putting up a fight, disappearing into the dark woods.

a canon went off in the silent night. you and peeta are the only two left. it’s over, the hunger games were over and there were two victors.

“we won,” peeta sighed. you slowly looked over to him, a barely there smile as his eyes seemed to bring a twinkle in those swimming blue irises. “we won.” repeating it with more enthusiasm.

your own lips twitched at the corners, both of you smiling at each other as you go in for a bone-crushing hug.

arms over his shoulders while your fingers sink into his dirty blonde hair, your face buried into his neck as you deeply inhale peeta’s natural scent. peeta held you close by the waist with his palms pressing flat to your back, his breath tickling your ears as his lips left an absent kiss on your skin. “we won,” practically cried at those words. you both could go home and be happy together, get to enjoy your growing love in private.

leaning apart while moving your hands from peeta’s hair to caress his rosy cheeks, smiling so wide the apples of your cheeks ache. your eyes roamed over the scars and dirt smudging over his pale skin, how he still was your peeta mellark. still kind, selfless, and caring. your charming, handsome bread boy.

hands on his face you bring him close as you lean in so you are able to press your lips together, sighing in relief. it’s been too long since your last one, having been separated for most of the games. you could drop your guard and indulge yourself wholly into being with peeta, tasting peeta, touching peeta. it was heaven on earth.

“i love you. i love you so much.” peeta declared breathlessly, puppy eyes peering into your heart. you leaned in for another kiss, muttering against his mouth, “i love you too.” you ignored the ghostly feel of all district eyes watching this heartfelt moment, it was just the two of you in this world.

peeta helped bring you to the ground just as the sky was changing from night to day. looking to the sky thinking a helicarrier might appear from above ready to whisk you both away from this nightmare, but nothing. no peacekeepers stomping the grounds, no obnoxious trumpet flair or announcer's voice, nothing.

“we won. why- why aren’t they-” frantically looking around just as a feedback noise sounded throughout the arena. seneca crane’s voice a godly thing. “the two victor rule has been revoked. there shall only be one winner of the hunger games. may the odds be ever in your favor.”

heart dropping to your stomach, tears pooling in tired eyes, your knees gave out and you dropped to the grassy floor. the salty drops stained your cheeks and burned your tongue as a scream was ripped from your chest, head pounding in protest. you didn’t notice peeta’s arms wrapped around you until he started whispering in your ear, “it’s okay. it’s okay, you’ll win.”

and those two words made you go insane. “no! no, this- this isn’t fair! we- we won!” trying to shake peeta’s embrace off of you, panicking about the next move for either of you. someone needs to die, and it’s not gonna be peeta.

feeling for the hunting knife in your waistband you gripped the thick handle and held it at your side. peeta looked down and shakily inhaled before locking eyes with you, forcing an imitation of his lovely smile. “you deserve to win, it’s only fair.”

you steeled your nerves so that with your empty hand you could reach for peeta’s cheek like earlier and bring him back to you, capturing every last touch of him before it becomes a distant memory. the returning tear drops bullets on your skin.

“peeta mellark,” pulling away and taking a few steps back, “i’ll love you even when i’m dead.” slicing the sharp blade over your throat, causing a warm thick waterfall of your blood to flow downstream.

“no!” he rushed to your limp body, catching you and bringing you both to the ground. he cradled your upper body into his chest, pushing your sweat-soaked strains away from your face. his face was twisted in agony, something you caused to spare him any pain.

“please, please don’t leave me. i need you.” peeta’s hand fretted about your paling face, drops of dark red blood staining your mouth. “i love you. you’ll be in my dreams forever.” kissing your temple with every ounce of love he could pour into it.

your heavy eyes memorized the freckles scattered over his cheeks, the shade of green coloring peeta’s orbs, and the feel of his skin on yours. with your last breath, you were able to choke out, “forever.”

then your heart stopped.

and a canon went off.

-

[elysiumblue]

Pick a card - Message from Lilith 🦉

Inspired by the previous reading on how to make some changes in your life, I invited Lilith the mother monster to give us some guidance to live a better, freer, more independent life.

As expected, some of the messages are HEAVY. If you're not ready for heavy messages, this reading may not be for you. I put trigger warning on the parts I mentioned potentially triggering topics. You can skip those parts if you don't want to see them.

As this is a general reading, please take what resonates and leave the rest behind. You may also tone down the intensity of the messages by yourself if the general ideas of the message still apply to you.

I hope this reading can help you live a more honest and fulfilling life. Even when some of the messages are harsh, Lilith and I deliver them with the intention of improving your situation, and bringing positivity to you.

👇🏻 Pick a butterfly that you felt drawn to 👇🏻

And find the corresponding reading for you below!

Pile 1

Lilith wants you to be more selfish. It seems that you're pouring too much of your energy on others. You're so quick to react to people's wishes, opinions, expectations, etc. You're a people pleaser, and you believe you can find happiness in people's compliments. However, Lilith wants to remind you that you're sacrificing your own personal development for the happiness you're getting. The more time you spend on thinking about what to do for the people, the less time you spend on thinking what to do for yourself. The more time you spend on thinking what people want from you, the less time you spend on thinking what you really want for yourself. These are the two tasks that cannot be performed at the same time, so Lilith really wants you to evaluate if what you're doing really worth the amount of happiness you're getting for return.

Some of you may become a people pleaser because of past traumas. Some of you may do it just because you believe that you shouldn't change something that's working in the past. But Lilith wants to remind you that you can never find the one that truly loves you or care about you, if what you're showing to people is not your authentic self. The thing you're working so hard to get love from people is the one thing that blocks you from being loved by people, isn't it a bit pathetic?

Lilith wants to invite you to discover what you truly desire, and just do the things that you enjoy. The process of digging through your heart to find your true self, and the experience of being a "villain" is tedious, painful, and even terrifying at first. But Lilith wants to tell you that it will worth the hard work, and she also wants to remind you that it's literally the only way to find true love and happiness.

Toss your worry behind, and start making real progress now. You will find sorrow within you, you will feel bad for a while, but those are difficulties that you can solve. If you don't face them, they will never be solved. Lilith also wants to tell you that making yourself happy is actually so much easier than making others happy, because you know exactly what you're thinking. It is a harsh truth that you can never know what others truly thinking about you no matter how much effort you pour into investigating it.

Lilith also wants me to tell you that The Emperor card was drawn in this reading. It may be meaningful for you, or the meaning of the card can be inspiring for you. A message I want to add personally is, "Your family can make you a king, but only you can make yourself a conqueror, and you don't need the help of your family, or even anyone else to do that."

Pile 2

You're suffering. Lilith wants you to acknowledge the fact that you're suffering (more specifically, a victim), instead of trying to tell yourself that everything is fine. You cannot right the wrongs if you never acknowledge the fact that there's something wrong happening. Stop fighting with yourself in your mind. Start working on the same goal. Even if it takes you time to plan, or just to pin point what is truly important to you, it's so much better than wasting your time and energy to work on nothing. You have to understand that performing meaningless actions will not lead to any progress, even if you're doing something.

//

!!! TW: SEXUAL ASSAULT!!!

Lilith also want me to talk about sexual trauma here, so I will talk about it in the next paragraph. Skip it if you are not comfortable with this topic.

I can see that some of you may be harmed by someone that you really looked up to, like a lover that you paid so much efforts in getting their heart. I can also see that you may be shamed by a group of friends, or just people in general about your sexuality. It may be related to the harm that you suffered, or not. You believe that it is your fault, because it seems to be impossible for others to be wrong, especially when the one who harmed you is a person that you really looked up to. But Lilith wants to remind you that denying your worth, denying the truth of what happened, will not make the wound magically disappear. Time can heal your wounds, but you have to allow yourself walk away from the past. This can only be done when you stop building a cocoon of lies, so you can sleep in a dream that everything is ok. Acknowledge the fact that you're the victim. It may not help with the situation, as it had already happened. But changing your perspective can really help you to vent out the emotions trapped within you. When the toxicity starts to be drained from the system, it'll be so much easier for you to heal, and invite happiness and confidence you always deserve to enter your life.

//

Lilith feels that your life is stuck because you're denying the fact that people did you wrong. It's like you're trying to balance the two sides of the scale, while there's nothing on one side. It's a mission impossible until you put something on the other side, which is putting yourself into the equation. Before this, you're just doing nothing but wasting your time. Lilith wants you to start putting yourself first. You may believe that it's so foolish to only think about yourself, or even believe that it is harmful for people. But Lilith wants to tell you that you can go full force on being selfish because this is how imbalanced the scale is right now.

Lilith admires that you have a logical mind, and likes to use this side of you to solve problems. You want to solve problems in the best way possible, and that's why Lilith wants to remind you that you have left yourself out of the equation. Remember, you're a good person no matter what you do, because this is the nature of you. You're an angel so please don't ever make yourself live in hell again.

Pile3

Wow! Lilith thinks that you're slaying! You're doing great so please take this reading as a confirmation that you should continue to shine and glow. If you're still considering if you should show yourself off to the world, do this right now because you're so flawless! You're amazing even when you're in your worst days. Some days you can be messy, but you're still a beautiful (hot) mess. Continue to radiate your energy, and great things will come to you.

Sometimes you may think that you're impulsive, and always let your intrusive thoughts win. But Lilith wants you to admire this aspect of you. Not only you have the ability to carry out your intrusive thoughts so beautifully, the work you are doing is also very inspiring to people. Your honesty makes people rethink about the values they're following. Some of them may not agree with you, but you still inspire them to think about why they still believe in what they believe. Please continue to follow your heart and do what you're doing. If you're scared that things you want to do may offend people, Lilith wants you to throw the fear away and do the thing right now. Also, if you're an introvert, Lilith wants you to show yourself to the people more. Engaging in more social activities can lead to more positive energies flowing into your life!

For some of you, especially the feminine ones, you have great skills in dealing with men. Men can't help but fall in love with you, and treat you like the queen you are. You have a mesmerizing way to interacting with men, making even the most "aggressive" man become a kitty for you and do what you want them to do. Lilith loves what she sees and wants you to keep up the good work 🦉👍🏻 or be more confident in yourself and start using your talent if you're not doing the good work yet.

[beardedmrbean]

Sorry, for these constant ranting about African and black American culture

It just sucks look at history as a black American at times. There no ancient kingdom or empire, like Han, Gupta, and Roman to call back to. No Mythos with great epics like Hellenism or Hinduism where I can see myself in.

No great warriors that might have shared your face and people use as inspiration in media. No great battle like the battle of Thermopylae for people recreate again and again

No great leaders like Alexander the Great, Ashoka the Great, Julius and Augustus Caesar that change the course of history

As soon as January and February ends, seemly everyone forgot your people history.

Will we be remember when mankind enter interstellar?

Sorry maybe my borderline suicidal depression kicking in. Despite all the diversity push, has black Americans done anything beyond fighting slavery and racism? So we still have to hijack other people history and pop culture? Are any of our stories worth being told by media?

Or are we nothing but a sad pitiful group? Ugh sorry for making you my therapist

It just sucks look at history as a black American at times. There no ancient kingdom or empire, like Han, Gupta, and Roman to call back to. No Mythos with great epics like Hellenism or Hinduism where I can see myself in.

Check the Nubians and southern kingdom of Egypt there were black Pharaohs and dynasties those are recorded and attested by non Egyptian sources.

As for the Mythos Rome took a bunch of them from conquered lands, much like Greece did, like Babylon and Assyria did, Egypt too, oh and Hindus did the same thing. Easier to keep a population happy if you point out how our gods and your gods are the same guys just with different names.

No great leaders like Alexander the Great, Ashoka the Great, Julius and Augustus Caesar that change the course of history.

They existed, we just don't have any records of who they were, nothing concrete at least, gotta decide for yourself how faithful the oral tradition is.

Or you can treat it like folklore, doesn't mean there's not some truth to it, exaggerated is all.

As soon as January and February ends, seemly everyone forgot your people history. Will we be remember when mankind enter interstellar?

No need to keep them separate, just because a skin colour isn't the focus doesn't mean people forget, stuff like the 'black national anthem' is divisive, it's bringing back segregation saying we have a different national anthem than you. No if you're Americans you've got the one, go start your own country if you want a different one.

Haiti looks like it's about to reset try there.

If you want some heroes that look like you, meet the Harlem Hellfighters

To our eternal shame the US wasn't in the business of giving medals to black soldiers in WW1 not so much in 2 either, France however was.

Sergent Johnson here managed a Coup De Gras for valor in the battle that got him named "The Black Death" it's always the black something isn't it, we back home finally rectified the travesty that had him overlooked for the Medal of Honor in 2015, he more than earned it, wish he could know how many people look up to him now.

I do hope he saw this after he got home at least, I'd have that on my wall lmao.

Legacy section of his Wikipedia page has lots of things on it, but this I think would be the thing I would be proudest of,

In 1919, co-founder of the American Legion Theodore Roosevelt Jr., son of former United States President Theodore Roosevelt, referred to Johnson as one of the "five bravest Americans" to have served in World War I.

One of the good Roosevelt's, and I'm gonna guess this got to him too, since he was still around.

You need a warrior here's one, he led and sacrificed, he's a good one to look up to, refused to let his buddy be taken captive at great personal risk after they'd fought of 12 Germans.

Need another group of warriors, we've got the Tuskegee Airmen.

Made a lot of white (fighter) pilots mad because they were that good at their job, white bomber crews loved them they saw the red taifin on the P-51 their hope for surviving the mission went way up, because they were that good at their job.

Look them up too if you haven't before, check out the movie "Red Tails" Black writers adapted a story by one of them about a damn fine group of pilots, I enjoyed the movie watched it a bunch of time when I was living in Florida because it was on one of the movie channels the hotel I was living in carried.

You've got warriors who fought great battles that you can look up to though, even more so because they knew what life was like back home and how they were treated and would be on their return, and they fought anyhow.

Admirable men worthy of being looked up to by anyone really. At least for this service which is what counts for me right now.

Will we be remember when mankind enter interstellar?

How could humanity forget these men, and so many other incredible human beings that worked for the betterment of humankind in their own ways? __________

As a aside, Max Brooks got together with a artist named Caanan White who I don't know anything about but they did a fictional graphic novel about the Harlem Hellfighters and it looks pretty dang cool, so you may want to look into that at some point too.

[thatgirlwhojumps]

This is a text heavy post!!

Logging in....100%

Hi!

Manifesting that this reading finds the right people as the right time.

Take what resonates, use the cards as time stamps.

This is for a divine masculine out there.

You are going through an awakening. You must have been unhappy for a while right now. Probably due to a situation of separation.

I see an opportunity out there, a chance to bring change and even ... Turning the tables around.

This might be something you have to do alone. It can be an inner-conflict. It's up to you to decide what you need to let go, and what you need to accept, because our outer world is simply a reflection of our inner world, as the way we interact with the outer world sums up to 99% of the experience with the outer world, our external realities.

The Situation:

Letting go of the things which do not bring internal peace is necessary. This includes, arguments, self hatred, self sabotage, excess of stress, over thinking, hyper independence, and aggression.

You are a warrior, and warriors deserve rest after each fight. Whether you were able to achieve your goals or not, rest. So that when you try again , you approach the conflict with a different perspective.

It is difficult to solve problems from the same perspective it originated from.

The Solution:

1. introspect where there is an imbalance in your life, make a list, you can use AI too to guide you here. (2 of pentacles in reverse)

2. Work on your perception of reality. Delusions, keeping things on a pedestal when it's not required, blaming people for your inner-conflicts, etc. (the moon)

3. Refrain from pouring into other people's cups before or without filling up yours. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. You might have been using your outwardly activities as a distraction to your inner suffering. Sacrificing the happiness of self for others is a form of self sabotage honey. You can't be a provider when you don't hold stuff in your own inventory. (Queen of cups in reverse)

The Submission:

Submit to the fact that things are ending, it the world happening to you, the things which are falling apart will land at the places where they are meant to be. See this as a redirection.

With the death card and the world together, it literally symbolises a change in your world, both internal and external, where things come to an end, including the cycles, habits, and even people who don't align with you might move in a different direction.

But all hope is not lost, with the fool card, a new beginning is at the horizon, a time of healing is about the begin simultaneously as you work on letting go, of what's meant to go.

Your commitment is being tested here, a commitment to self. It's time for you to keep yourself on a pedestal.

Logic and action go hand in hand. Your enthusiastic self is being asked to reflect first, act second. With the knight of wands amongst the three major arcana, you're being called to take the energy of this minor arcana card, for the benefit of all, including yourself. Look at your inner child which is being suppressed with your adult self, a conditioning of the past.

Take what resonates, use the cards as time stamps.

Manifesting that this reading finds the right people as the right time.

Logging off....100%

Good bye.

[ladala99]

Burnout's Power

Contains: mind control, Christianity-inspired demons

Burnout padded towards the ritual ground—the last place Ilere had been spotted.

Time was running out, and Burnout knew it. Wisdom had made it clear that Desert was not going to be sitting out of the fights for much longer.

Burnout was going to have to fight Desert, which meant that he wouldn’t get the benefit of Desert’s and Sandy’s powers. In fact, they would be used against him. He wouldn’t stand a chance. Not unless he had a power of his own.

The demonic portal shimmered. It was close to closing. Whatever he had to do to convince Ilere to give him a power, it had to be fast. Which probably meant sacrificing something. Perhaps becoming changed, like his father and Fortune. But the alternative was being vaporized and his soul absorbed as pure energy. It was a risk he was willing to take.

Ilere’s eyes glistened as he approached. “You’re coming to me?” she asked.

He bowed. “I need a power. Whatever it takes. I need to be able to fight Desert. Whatever. . .” his breath hitched. Was he really going to do this? “Even if it means losing myself in the process.”

He raised his head and met her eyes.

She blinked in pleasure. “I think I have the perfect power in mind. No need to change you myself.” She opened her eyes again and met his. The world faded from around them.

Burnout’s body tingled, and he felt an unfamiliar warmness in his chest. Like happiness, but not quite. Something a bit more sinister.

The world faded back into view. That was it?

Ilere spoke. “I have unlocked the ancestral perception that was locked before. You now have the ability to summon your ancestors at will, manifest them, and control them.”

His ancestors. Fergus, likely, but also, “Doesn’t that include you?”

She flicked her tail. “It does. But it would not give you access to my powers. Just my physical strength.”

This seemed too easy. “What’s the catch? You can’t just be giving me this for nothing.”

“In order for them to fight by your side, you must control them.” She let that sink in.

He would be controlling them like Sandy and Desert control lions. And Ilere at times.

She continued, “Using such a power for your own gain will, of course, put you in my pride in the end. Especially as you have chosen to receive it yourself.”

“I see,” he said. He dipped his head. “Thank you for offering me a fighting chance.”

“I hope you survive,” she said. “I would be rewarded greatly to bring your soul into my pride.”

“And I’d rather be there than be red energy,” he replied.

———

He didn’t have to use his power against lions like Fergus. He could use it on the mindless lions already chained the the demon realm. And for practice, he tried exactly that.

He was in a rocky clearing in the territory, and he focused inward. He thought about one of the ghostly kings he had seen, with the dead eyes. He felt a line of energy connecting him with that lion, and pulled.

It felt like he was dragging the other lion out of a pile of fallen trees, but he managed to get him free, channeling energy to manifest him.

The dull-eyed king was there, looking somewhat confused. He was the Primal Smilus one with saffron fur and an onyx mane.

Now to actually control him. Burnout poured the second type of energy, more sinister but feeling oddly good to use, into the ground. Chains of red energy burst from the ground and tangled around the dull-eyed lion’s legs.

Burnout could feel the other lion’s mind, though it seemed far away and through a thick fog. He mentally grasped at it, and as soon as he locked it in his mental jaws, the fog cleared.

The other lion’s body was Burnout’s to command, but a very confused presence itched at the back of his mind.

I’m dead, it said. I’m supposed to be dead. Ilere said that she would ensure I wouldn’t awaken to the horrors of her world. But I seem to be home. Is this a dream? Horror dawned on it. I can’t move. Something else is controlling me. Where’s Ilere?

The mindless lion wasn’t mindless after all. Burnout had the power to bring him—perhaps all of them—back. He let go, but as he did so, the mental fog rolled in and the other lion’s eyes glazed back over.

Burnout used his power again, taking back control, but also awakening the lion again.

That was weird, the other lion thought. It was like oblivion took me again, but I’m back. And still can’t move.

Burnout rose himself and walked into the other lion’s view.

“You’re still in there,” he said. “I tried my power on you because I thought you were mindless. But I guess I woke you up.”

Did Ilere know about this potential? Perhaps she knew it wouldn’t matter, as the fog would return when Burnout released him.

Who are you? The other lion wondered.

“My name’s Burnout. Lightning’s cub. I know you’re an ancestor, but what is your name?”

Lightning’s cub is controlling me. Not again. And must be able to hear my thoughts. I am Luke, son of Lana. I am the one who brought the Exile Pride back into the fold. Lightning was from the Exile Pride. What do you want with me, Burnout? And where is Ilere?

“I was testing my new power,” Burnout said. “I. . . I don’t know about any Exile Pride. I don’t know how it was in your day, but I’m a submale, and I’ll need to fight to stay alive. One of my opponents has the power to control lionesses, and he will use that power against me. I got this power, to manifest and control the bodies of my ancestors, to defend myself. Whoever loses these submale fights will die, and their soul will be absorbed as demonic energy.

“As for Ilere, well, the original is in the ritual grounds. I don’t know where the one that normally commands you is, if that’s what you’re asking. I can summon her, too, I think. If you want. I don’t know if you do since she’s probably the reason you’re mindless.”

Absorbed as demonic energy. Ilere must have integrated into the main line, then. So you are both of Lightning and Ilere. That’s . . . dangerous.

My Ilere is the reason I was like that, yes. In life she served me, and in death I was to serve her. She told me she would spare me the pain of being aware in that world of death and torture, and she did just that.

Burnout tested his ability to command the body. It felt oddly right, toying with its poses.

“You said ‘not again,’ earlier. What did you mean by that?” he asked.

The Lightning in my day wanted me dead. She could see the future and knew what my kingship would lead to. She also repeatedly tried to prevent my Ilere from gaining power over me. Including putting me in trances herself.

Lightning was powerful in her own way, Burnout. Combining her powers with Ilere’s. . . That is what you are doing now, isn’t it? Summoning a dead lion to control him.

“Yeah,” Burnout admitted. “It seems once I let go, you’ll be mindless again, though. So it’s not like I can free you. This is just making me feel bad whatever I do.”

“Is he not mindless now?” a lioness asked.

Burnout jumped, and spotted the lioness who normally commanded Luke sitting on a tall rock. Luke’s Ilere.

“The fog cleared when I took control and he seems to be who he originally was,” Burnout said. “Ilere gave me a power,” he added. “Summoning and controlling my ancestors.”

Luke’s Ilere jumped down. “Interesting,” she said. “I guess that makes sense that he’s preserved in there. After all, if we ever lose power, all of us will be returned to our most uncorrupted state, so we can be tortured most effectively.

“Of course,” she said, “this isn’t what you need, is it, Burnout? You can’t be distracted in battle. You’ll need to silence the mind as well.”

Dread crept into Burnout’s heart. She was right, of course. And he sensed he could do that.

She’s not even pretending to be kind anymore, Luke commented. What did they do to her down there? Perhaps it’s best I don’t know. Perhaps she just used her powers too much.

From my experience with my Ilere, the more you use your powers, the more you lose your true self. Remember that, and use them sparingly. But if you must practice, go ahead.

With that invitation, Burnout activated the third stage of his power that he could sense. Luke’s thoughts were choked out as Burnout’s will filled the space. It felt satisfying, but he also felt guilty.

Satisfied he knew how to do it, he let go completely. He felt the fog fill the mind again as he retreated, and could barely spot a spirit chain spring back out of Luke’s paw to unite him with his Ilere.

Luke walked dully to his Ilere’s side.

“Don’t let yourself get distracted during an actual fight,” Luke’s Ilere said, and they both walked off.

[carrythatwayt]

I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition. (4x01)

You don't think you deserve to be saved... (4x01)

Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul? (4x07)

I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. (4x16)

For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this. (4x16)

We've been through much together you and I. (4x22)

I'm hunted, I rebelled, and I did it, all of it, for you... (5x02)

So, what, I’m Thelma and you’re Louise and we’re just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together? (5x03)

I’ll just wait here then. (5x04)

What? I like past you. (5x04)

Don’t ever change. (5x04)

I rebelled for this?! So that you could surrender to them? I gave everything for you. (5x20)

Dean and I do share a more profound bond. (6x03)

I wish circumstances were different. Much of the time I’d rather be here. (6x10)

So I went to an old friend for help. But, watching him, I stopped. Everything he sacrificed and I was about to ask him for more. (6x20)

And the worst part was Dean, trying so hard to be loyal, with every instinct telling him otherwise. (6x20)

I’m doing this for you, Dean. I’m doing this because of you. (6x20)

I was there. Where were you? (6x20)

Dean, I do everything you ask. I always come when you call. (6x21)

Don't make me lose you too. (6x22)

I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you. (7x01)

You just met yourself. I've known you for years. (7x17)

Part of me always believed that you’d come back. (7x17)

I'll go with you. And I'll do my best. (7x23)

I'd rather have you, cursed or not. (7x23)

Cas, we're getting out of here. We're going home. (8x02)

I prayed to you Cas, every night. (8x02)

Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you. Understand? (8x02)

I have a price on my head and I’ve been trying to stay one step ahead of them. To keep them away from you. (8x02)

Cas, buddy, I need you. (8x02)

Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us. (8x05)

...thank you, for everything. (8x07)

Cas...I got you, hold on! (8x07)

...you can't save everyone my friend, though you try. (8x07)

I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? For failing you like I've failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about! I don't need it! (8x07)

I did everything I could to get you out – everything! I did not leave you. (8x07)

Yes, I am with you. (8x07)

I’ll watch over you. (8x08)

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you're back, I'm thrilled (8x08)

I won't hurt Dean. (8x17)

Cas, fight this! This is not you! Fight it! Cas. I know you're in there. I know you can hear me. Cas… It's me. We’re family. We need you. I need you. (8x17)

Dean, I can go with you. (8x22)

Dean. I'm sorry. For everything. (8x22)

Please man I need you here (9x01)

Cas? Cas!.... Never do that again! (9x03)

Dean, you know I always appreciate our talks, our time together. (9x03)

Nobody wants him here more than I do. (9x04)

Sorry I told you to go. I know it's been hard on you, you know, on your own. Well, you're adapting. I'm proud of you. (9x06)

I came as soon as you called. (9x10)

Cas, you just gave up an entire army for one guy. (9x22)

...everyone you love, they could be long dead. Everyone except me. I’m the one who will have to watch you murder the world. So, if there’s even a small chance that we can save you, I won’t let you walk out of this room. (10x22)

Dean. I don't wanna have to hurt you. (10x22)

No, Dean. Please. (10x22)

It?" It's not an "it," Sam. It's Cas...Cas is family. (11x18)

I could go with you. (11x23)

Morning, sunshine. Some coffee? (12x03)

And Cast—Cas is my best friend. (12x11)

My shy but devastatingly handsome friend. (12x12)

I love you… I love you all. (12x12)

It's a gift, you keep those. (12x19)

And I just wanted, I needed to come back here with a win for you. (12x19)

We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back. Okay? You’re gonna bring back Cas... (13x01)

It’s good to have you back. (13x06)

Cas, you wanna try this angel thing, then go for it. Just don’t get dead again. (13x19)

Dean. You asked "What about this is real?" We are. (15x02)

Cas, I hope you can hear me… that wherever you are, it’s not too late. I should’ve stopped you. You’re my best friend, but I just let you go. ‘Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong. I… I don’t know why I get so angry. I just know… I know that it’s… i-it’s just always been there. And when things go bad, it just… it comes out. And I can’t… I can’t stop it. No matter how… how bad I want to, I just can’t stop it. And… And I… I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. I’m sorry it took me so long… I’m sorry it took me till now to say it. Cas, I’m… I’m so sorry. Man, I hope you can hear me. I hope you can hear me. (15x09)

You don’t have to say it. I heard your prayer. (15x09)

What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it.

I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. (he smiles, crying now) You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.

I love you. (15x18)

Updated to include more quotes. Due to the deluge of script leaks showing edited or censored destiel dialogue, I decided it would be cathartic to collate the dialogue that did make it on the show. Data crunch: Dialogue spoken only by Cas and Dean. 65 total quotes: 34 Cas (52%), 31 Dean (48%).

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (April 25/2021) - The Red Banquet

The day has finally come.

All the preparations have been completed. The invitations have been sent out. Everything has been leading up to this moment, and the Eggpire is ready to make their move.

It’s time for the Red Banquet.

A brief summary of the week’s total events can be found at the end of the post.

---

VOD LINKS:

Captain Puffy

Badboyhalo

Antfrost

Eret

Skeppy

Ranboo

---

- Puffy walks around on the surface. Everything is prepared, the armor is where it should be. She hopes everything will go well.

- Everyone is dressed up for the occasion (except George). Hannah, Niki, Fundy, Eret, George and HBomb are all there.

- Bad says hello to Ponk in the Egg Room. Ponk tells him that no one has arrived yet. Antfrost greets them by the entrance and they go up the stairs to find Niki waiting. 

- Puffy and the other guests soon enter the room as well. Antfrost points them towards a coat room where they can put all their items. Foolish arrives with the Rolexes. They drink some cider, head to the dance floor and play some tunes.

- Bad comes over and greets Puffy. Foolish informs Bad that he peed on the Egg. Sam also has a dumpy and HBomb has two of Fundy’s cocks. 

- Antfrost goes off to speak with Ponk alone and check for some last guests. They watch as George arrives.

Ant: “He looks sort of lost, but that’s okay -- we welcome everybody here.”

Ponk: “Hold up...I don’t know...hmm. Hmm...”

Ant: “I mean, he looks harmless enough.”

Ponk: “We need to get a real good look at him first. Quickly.”

Ponk: “I don’t know what that’s about.”

Ant: “I don’t know. Well, we’ll just keep an eye on him.”

Ponk: “Yeah...”

- They then go speak to HBomb and Niki. H hasn’t stopped dancing

HBomb: “I’m doing my best impersonation of a white dad.”

...

Ant: “Did you guys notice that the guy over there -- George -- just sort of wandered in? He seems sort of lost.”

Ponk: “I feel like he’s hiding something.”

- From the walls, Ranboo in a shadowy outfit can be seen watching. 

- HBomb is the DJ.

- Bad comes over to say that dinner is ready. Bad tells Puffy that they have shrimp cocktails and they all go to sit at the table. Some people are in jail and weren’t able to attend. Ponk cooked all the food.

- Bad welcomes the guests to give toasts to the meal.

First up is Foolish, who says that he hopes that after today, nobody has to say “turn a new leaf” or “let bygones be bygones” ever again. Everyone has come here in agreement in the hope of something new.

Next is Eret. 

Eret: “As the monarch of the SMP, it’s awesome to be able to maybe see the SMP going back to being reunified again, and seeing all of us not have to worry about fighting each other on different sides. I hope this is a new chapter of the entire community as a whole. Cheers to that.”

Then Ponk steps up. Long ago, an old, wise man told him “People change like the tides in the ocean.” Now he truly knows they do.

Puffy steps forward. Bad and Antfrost, she considers as friends, and the Egg has separated them. She hopes this brings them all together and makes the server more peaceful. 

George was asleep twenty minutes ago. He asks about the soup. Ponk says it’s made from organic, free-range beets.

Finally, Bad says he appreciates everyone coming. This is the perfect opportunity for everyone to come together and let bygones be bygones. To set aside past issues to grow and advance forward, even with the wrongs that have been done. 

- He nods to Antfrost, who breaks a block behind them, revealing a button. Antfrost presses it.

Bad: “I was very, very happy that we were able to gather everybody here together for what is, I’m sure, going to be a banquet that none of us are ever going...to...forget.”

- Lava starts pouring down from the ceiling, walling them in.

Bad: “Yep. Prepare to die.”

- Everyone panics. 

- Puffy tells Bad that she didn’t trust the Eggpire anyway, and planned for this. She removes the cover from the table and looks into the chest -- it’s empty.

- They watch as the Eggpire members all don the diamond armor that Puffy and Sam had prepared. Hannah says she had to do it, had to tell them. For the Egg.

- Sam says that he had another plan, because he didn’t trust the Eggpire. He’s tired of all this fighting, and it’s about time that they blow up the Egg for good this time.

- Sam flicks the TNT lever and the explosives rain down on the Egg. When they explode, though, the Egg turns into crying obsidian instead of getting destroyed, reverting back to normal Egg blocks after a few seconds.

- After Quackity’s attack, Bad and the others took preparations to make sure that the Egg wouldn’t be vulnerable to TNT anymore. Now, it’s time for the executions.

Bad: “You see, the Egg needs something, and it’s gonna get it from each of you. See, in order for the Egg to hatch, it needs energy. And it gets that energy by people dying near it. And that’s the role that you guys are gonna fill! We’re gonna kill you, one by one--”

Eret: “You’re a monster.”

Bad: “What’d you say, Eret?”

Eret: “You’re an absolute monster. How could you. We all trusted you, Bad!”

Ponk: “Trust! Okay, Eret. Keep talking. Keep talking about trust.”

Eret: “...That was a long time ago.”

- Bad says that Eret is the perfect person to sacrifice first! He leads Eret to a spot in front of the Egg lined with Netherite blocks.

- Foolish steps forward, saying he’s had enough. The Egg can shield itself against TNT, but can it withstand lightning?

- Nothing happens. Bad laughs.

Bad: “You really thought, Foolish? You thought you could enter the Egg’s domain and beat it in a battle of power? Come on...you’re in the Egg’s territory, Foolish.”

- The Egg is suppressing Foolish. Ant suggests they start with Foolish instead and take Eret’s life later.

- Puffy steps forward. She and Antfrost shout at each other. Puffy says she gave them chance after chance. Antfrost says that Puffy betrayed them first.

Ant: “Foolish, your own son, is about to be slaughtered because of you!”

Puffy: “I’m only one person!”

Foolish: “Puffy, Puffy, it’s okay, it’s not your fault--”

Puffy: “NO! It’s not alright!”

Ant: “Puffy, you could have stopped this if you had stayed with the Eggpire. But this is your fault.”

- Antfrost kills Foolish with a sword.

---

CANON DEATH: FOOLISH

Cause: Sacrificed by Antfrost to the Egg

---

- Everyone screams in horror. The Eggpire wonders who to kill next.

- Suddenly, Quackity shouts at them to stop and drops into the room. He tells Bad to calm down. He puts on diamond armor.

- Quackity tells them they’ve just killed a man, asking if this is what they wanted. Bad tells him that he’s doing all this for the Egg, for what the Egg can give them.

Quackity: “I’m telling you, Bad, you’re a pawn to power. You’re nobody, Bad. You’re working for something that, quite frankly, doesn’t even care about you. I mean look at the Egg, look at the Egg! Look at what it means! It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean anything, Bad. So how about...how about we just stop playing games.”

- As Quackity monologues, he subtly slips Puffy a Netherite axe, potion of strength and a golden apple.

- Bad can’t stop, or else he can’t get what he needs. 

Bad: “Guess what, Quackity. If you wanted to stop us, you should’ve brought more than just yourself. You should’ve brought an army.”

Quackity: “Guess what, Bad? I did! I did. In fact, I brought the next best thing...I brought my biggest enemy!”

- Technoblade logs on and drops into the room, his hoard of dogs following.

- Not only that...Quackity also went looking across the lands for the best mercenary he could find. Purpled drops into the room as well.

Bad: “We HIRED you to take out Puffy, and you join the enemy’s side?!”

Purpled: “Bad, to be frank with you, Quackity just had the better price.”

- Techno explains that he didn’t want to work with Quackity, but the Egg is too great a danger to the server and it’s against everything he stands for.

- Suddenly, Puffy jumps forward with her axe, attacking Ant. The Eggpire is shocked that she has a weapon.

Puffy: “You’ve taken my kindness for weakness, Antfrost!”

---

CANON DEATH: ANTFROST

Cause: Killed by Puffy with an axe

---

- A fight breaks out. Bad shouts for the remaining Eggpire members to retreat. They run out. Quackity orders Purpled to go track them down.

- Bad leads the Eggpire out. They can regroup later. For now, they have to run. They have to split up. They can’t get caught, they have to stay safe and go as fast as they can.

- Alone, Bad thinks to himself.

Bad: “This is such a trainwreck. This whole plan...everything was for this moment! And it’s gone! They -- they have the Egg now...they have it. What can I do? I can’t do anything! I need to get out of here. I need resources...”

“Wait, I know where I can go. I know who I can see...but the Egg, the Egg is -- it’s in their possession right now. What can I do? What can I do against it? I can’t do anything, they have it! I needed the Egg, I needed...I needed what it was gonna give. It was gonna help me get what I wanted, but now they have it...they have it...I just...I just wanted what...I just wanted what it could give me.”

“I didn’t really -- I didn’t really want to hurt anybody. I just wanted what it could give me, but...I don’t know. Did I screw up? Am I in the wrong here? I don’t know...I just need to go. I need to get out of here.”

- Bad starts rowing away into the ocean.

- Quackity asks Sam what to do next. The Egg is invincible.

- Purpled lost them in the labyrinth. Sam says he’ll build a prison for the Egg if he has to. He wants to find a way to destroy it, but for now they need to lock it away where it can’t be accessed.

- Quackity makes sure everyone is alright. They then exit the room through the whole in the wall. Quackity tells Techno to come with him and Sam to talk. They leave the others to escape the rest of the way.

- They make it to the surface, relieved. HBomb hands them all soup to remember the event by.

- Puffy goes off on her own down the Prime Path. While she talks to herself, Ranboo walks down the path with potion particles coming off of him.

Puffy: “What did I do? What -- I...My son died! And I killed my best friend! I...I need to find Foolish. I...I don’t even know who I am anymore. The life I swore to protect, I didn’t at all, and then I took one myself! I don’t even...I...I can’t do this anymore. I just...can’t.”

- Eret mourns Foolish after the events of the Banquet. Foolish sacrificed his life for Eret, so at the very least he should be commemorated.

Eret: “I don’t even feel like I knew him that well...which makes things even harder. He’s helped me out with so many things, just from the kindness of his heart. He claimed to know me. He claimed to know a me which I don’t even remember... And he sacrificed himself for me.”

“At the very least, I need to commemorate his sacrifice, I...I should’ve been the one to die, not him.”

- Eret builds a Totem statue in his fortress. 

RIP Foolish I’ll miss you, old friend.

- Eret builds a replica of the Egg in their museum.

- Ranboo logs on in his house. He decides to go around the main area today and fix some stuff. His inventory is quite empty, so he grabs stacks of grass blocks from a chest and heads out.

- He heads over to the main area and remarks that the server is beginning to look okay now that the Blood Vines are gone.

- He notices some posters for the Red Banquet.

Ranboo: “Oh, that was today! ...Cool!”

- He carries on and runs into Sam near the Community House. They exchange some steak. Sam says he’s collecting materials for the bank, as people need it now more than ever. 

- Sam suggests Ranboo invest money and charge cash for his hotel. Ranboo points out that they already have currency in the form of emeralds and diamonds. Sam explains his waiver idea for the bank.

- Also, Sam needs to build a vault. People can come and rent a spot to lock away important items. 

- Ranboo asks if you can lock away people in the vault. Sam says that’s what Pandora’s Vault is for already.

- Sam mentions that they’ll put the Egg in there. Ranboo asks what makes this different from regular storage. Sam says it’s more secure.

- Sam and his associates will be there day and night to actively defend everyone’s belongings. Ranboo asks how many guards Sam has under his command. Sam says quite a few.

- Why now? Sam says there’s no time like right now and quotes Oogway.

- Sam doesn’t plan on charging interest. He just wants to establish a better system of trade on the server.

- Ranboo explains to chat that he can use this system to make infinite money by trading emeralds and diamond armor.

- What if someone is, say, already quite rich on the server? Sam says the trade and the guard of supplies is most important. 

- Ranboo asks how fragile the system would be. What would it take to bring it down?

- Sam says a whole nuke. Ranboo replies that he was thinking systematically. He asks how the Great Depression happened and Sam explains inflation and the circumstances for economic crises. 

- Sam gives Ranboo a “prototype Sam dollar.” (One iron ingot)

- They go to Hannah’s house to steal and then find an anvil in the spider spawner to name the ingot “Smollar.” They go down the tunnel and Sam says that Ranboo shouldn’t go down to the Egg Room. It’s under quarantine.

- He’s planning on moving the Egg and asks if Ranboo heard what happened. Ranboo didn’t. Sam fills him in in the Egg Room. Ranboo is curious about the Egg turning into obsidian and picks up a piece of the Blood Vines, suggesting Sam do some experiments.

- They exit the Egg Room and find some strange llamas. Ranboo shoves a chest in Drip Llama.

- Ranboo, Sam, and Foolish breed a ton of llamas to begin the Industrial Revolution.

- Bad comes over and becomes one with the llamas to cope. Foolish turns into a L’manburg Llama and is promptly slaughtered by Ranboo.

- Ranboo, Bad and Foolish create a gigantic llama train.

Upcoming Events:

- Quackity’s business opening

- Tommy’s plan

- Tales From the SMP: “Space Race”

- Dream’s lore video

- The Banquet aftermath

---

END OF WEEK RECAP:

4/19 - Nothing much happens.

4/20 - Nothing much happens.

4/21 - HBomb makes a diamond game, Jack plans to open a pub sidechain for his hotel business

4/22 - Tubbo shows Tommy how to make TNT cannons

4/23 - Puffy, Foolish, Hannah and Sam meet on Cloud Prime to discuss the Banquet, Ranboo’s Enderwalk Saga: “The Lessons”

4/24 - HBomb’s diamond game, George’s anniversary dream, Bad hands out invitations

4/25 - THE RED BANQUET.

[nastybuckybarnes]

Deep End  -  Five

Pairing: Dark!Steve Rogers X Reader

Summary: He’s back. After all your best efforts at getting away, he’s found you again. And this time, he’s not letting you go so easily. He’s determined to do whatever it takes to get you to be his. Forever.

Warnings: Dark Themes, Language, Angst, Manipulation, Injuries, 

Word Count: 3.2K

A/n: here we are, folks. What if I ended it like this lol that would be kinda gangsta of me LMAO

Deep End Masterlist

THIS IS A DARK FIC WITH SEXUAL AND TRIGGERING CONTENT!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!! 18+ ONLY!!!

~*~

You push open the front door with a heavy sigh, setting the paper grocery bags down on the counter then resting a hand on your growing belly.

There’s a tiny flutter under your hand and you can’t help yourself from smiling.

The smile vanishes, however, when a hand grabs at your shoulder and forces you to turn around.

“Where the Hell were you?” Steve’s angry voice demands.

You look up at him in shock and confusion, looking over at the groceries.

“I-I just went to the store.”

He shakes his head, grabbing your face with one hand and stepping closer. You take a step back with each one he takes towards you, and soon enough he’s got you pinned against the wall.

His grip on your face tightens and you wince, fear overwhelming your body, making your heart race.

“Bucky said he saw you talking to someone. A man. Who was he?”

You shake your head, tears welling up in your eyes.

“H-He was just asking me about my pregnancy. When I'm due, if I know what I’m having.”

It’s nothing but the truth.

“I give you freedom and this is what you do? You go and flirt with other guys? You’re my property. Don’t forget that.”

Your tears fall down your cheeks and into his hand, but he doesn't let go. Even as your chest heaves and sobs bubble out of you, he stays glaring at you.

“Please, Steve, stop. Y-You’re hurting me!”

His jaw flexes and he slowly lets go, only to cage you against the wall, slamming his fist against it in the process.  

Your heart hammers in your chest, terror gripping you and freezing you in place as you remember what he did to Nat and her baby.

“I-I came home, didn’t I? I could’ve asked for help! Could’ve said something, but I didn’t. I’m here, again, even though I could’ve run away. I’m here. You have me! You have me.”

You slide down the wall, knees drawn up to your chest as you sob, the reality of your words and the fear doing a number on your emotions.

Steve’s anger slowly melts away, replaced with concern as he sees nothing but terror on your face.

“I-I didn’t mean to yell, honey. It’s okay, shh, come here.”

You don’t fight him as he pulls you into his arms and brings you upstairs into your bedroom, sitting you gently on the bed and pushing your hair away from your face.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, sweetheart I just... You gotta understand how nervous it makes me when you leave the house like that.”

You sniffle then slowly look up at him, your eyes bloodshot and tear-filled.

“Then why give me the freedom to leave?”

Your voice cracks and it makes his heart hurt.

“I... I want to trust you. That’s why.”

You take a few deep breaths, your eyes focused on your trembling hands as your heart starts to slow back to its normal rhythm.

“Ever since that night when Nat and Buck came over you’ve... you’ve been off. I’m worried about you, honey. I just wanna make sure that everything’s okay.”

He wants to know what Nat told you. What she said to have you acting like this.

Your eyes meet his, wet and full of fear as you whisper three words.

“Is it true?”

He has an idea what you’re referring to, and his heart picks up speed.

“Did...did you do it?”

He swallows hard and avoids your eyes, but that’s answer enough.

Some strange mixture of a gasp and a sob bubbles out of you, and you bring your hands up to cover your face as your shoulders start shaking again.

“I didn’t... I guess I did.” You sniffle and look up at him through your tears.

“If you want me to trust you... if you ever want any hope at having some semblance of normalcy, you’re gonna need to elaborate. I’m trying to play your little game but I just... I’m scared you’re gonna kill my baby too. That you’re gonna hurt Sarah.”

He shakes his head immediately, grabbing your hands and holding them softly in his.

“I would never hurt Sarah, or our new baby, okay? Natasha... she was becoming a liability. That being said, I didn’t go into it with the intention of hurting her baby but... I knew it could be a consequence.”

You wait for him to continue, your heart pounding loudly in your ears.

“When you burned the book... that wasn’t the only copy. Fury made sure there was at least one more, in case we ever needed it. Had his own group working on it, creating a new version of it. Natasha became a test subject long before I met you. Before I... took you.”

He drops his eyes and huffs out a sigh.

“We didn’t need to wipe her memory, we just... needed a way to make her more complacent. To make her realize that she can’t go off on her own and keep secrets like that. Especially when they involve you.”

Your chest heaves as you glare at him, your anger growing by the second.

“Did you kill her baby?”

The words are harsh like the crack of a whip, and he has to stop himself from flinching.

“It wasn’t my intention... but it was worth it.”

You choke on another sob, yanking your hands out of his grip.

“I didn’t know what the tea would do to her baby. It was just a mild sedative so we could get her to the facility and do the procedure. Get her to tell us where you were, where Sarah was. But then she... she started bleeding. I didn’t... I thought maybe it was just a side effect but then the doctors told us... (Y/n), you’ve gotta believe me. You need to know that I didn’t mean to...” he trails off and shakes his head, thinking about the niece or nephew that he could’ve had.

The son or daughter that he stripped Bucky of. The pain he inflicted upon Natasha. But he has you, so in the end, it was worth it.

You slowly look up at him, shaking your head.

“Why? You’ve done nothing but lie to me and hurt me. Why should I believe a word you’re saying?”

He swallows hard, reaching for your hand again only for you to yank it away once more.

“You want the truth? Fine. You’re not the first person that we’ve... taken. And I doubt you’ll be the last. Bucky... he had someone. Someone to help him control the soldier. But she turned out to be worse than him. We had to terminate her because she became a liability.”

He looks down at his hands, remembering how innocent she seemed. And then she snapped. Tried killing Nat and Bucky. Turned the redhead against them until Fury stepped in.

“Nat didn’t... agree with what we did. So we changed her mind.”

Your brows draw together in confusion.

He can’t mean... can he?

As if sensing your confusion, he elaborates.

“We didn’t do exactly the same procedure. But it... its function was the same. We needed her to forget certain things. To be our friend again while still remembering other things about the situation. And it worked. All I wanted to do this time was open her up to us again. Tell me where you and Sarah were. I never meant to hurt her baby.”

You shake your head furiously, tears dripping down your cheeks. “You’re a murderer. A disgusting monster. I hate you.” Your words are venomous and acidic, and Steve almost flinches at them, shaking his head.

“That’s not true, (Y/n). I love you.”

You laugh, the sound manic and for a moment Steve’s concerned.

“This isn’t love, Steve, this is obsession! It’s unhealthy! You’ve got me trapped here against my will! Y-You’ve hurt me and raped me and now I’m supposed to pretend everything’s okay? I’m supposed to play the good little housewife while you go around kidnapping and killing women? Killing other people’s children?! No!”

You stand up and try to move past him but he grabs hold of your forearm, rising to his feet with you.

“You’re not going anywhere.” His eyes are fiery as he glares at you, but you’re not nearly as afraid as you once were. No. You’re just angry.

You glare at him, rage burning through your body as you yank free from his grip and walk out of the room.

“You leave this house and I won’t hesitate to drag your ass right back!” He shouts.

But you don’t plan on leaving.

Oh no.

Why does he deserve his happy ending so much more than everyone else?

You turn to face him once you reach the top of the stairs, your heart in your throat at what you’re about to do. The damage it could cause.

At least it’ll get your point across.

“Why do you deserve a baby so much more than Natasha?” He furrows his brows, trying to figure out what your next move is going to be.

“I’ve given my life over and over for this stupid pathetic world. I’ve sacrificed my happiness time and time again. Do I not deserve something good?”

You take a deep breath and shrug.

“Maybe you do. But not like this.”

With that, you turn around and let yourself fall down the stairs.

Steve tries to grab you, he really does, but he’s just not fast enough.

He watches you fall, tumble down the stairs then lay still at the bottom, and for a moment all he can do is stare.

Memories fill his mind. Of you falling down the stairs. Then bleeding. So much blood. And your baby... gone.

He nearly falls down the stairs himself in his haste to get to you, two fingers pressing first to your pulse, then his hand is pressed against your belly, trying desperately to feel for the fluttering kicks you told him about.

It takes a minute, maybe two, and then he feels a small press against his hand.

He lets out a breath of relief then grabs his phone, calling the doctor.

~*~

When the doctor assures him that both you and the baby are okay, he’s relieved. But that only lasts for a moment before anger takes hold, powerful and persistent.

You can feel the anger rolling off of him when you wake up, and for a moment you’re afraid.

But hopefully, you got your point across.

He doesn’t deserve another baby. Not if that’s what he wants. He’s a terrible human being. And bringing a baby into the world with him as the father should be a crime.

“Where’s Sarah?” You ask, hoping to keep him as calm as possible.

“She’s having a sleepover with Morgan over at Tony and Pepper’s.”

You nod, your stomach dropping as you realize you’re alone in the house with him and he’s beyond pissed off.

Your mind races back to all the times he’s punished you in the past, and you almost throw up with the anxiety coursing through your veins.

“You ever do anything like that again and I swear I’ll make you regret it. I won’t kill you, no. My baby needs his mommy, but I’ll make you hurt. You’re lucky I’m not doing anything to you now.”

You swallow hard and look away from him in disgust, only for him to grab your jaw and force you to look at him.

“You need to stop acting out like this. I told you what happened to the last asset who became a liability. Fury shot her point-blank. A clean shot between her pretty eyes. Then he left her to bleed out on the bedroom floor while he fixed Nat’s memory. S’why she’s even still here and with Bucky. If she remembered what he did to that poor girl... she’d have killed him herself by now. But he needs to outlet to keep the soldier at bay. And he deserves her. Deserves some happiness in his fucked up life.”

You shake your head, disagreeing strongly with every word he’s spoken.

They're monsters. Natasha less so. A victim, like you, maybe. But the two soldiers? Monsters. Monsters who don’t deserve any happiness. They deserve nothing but a slow painful death and an eternity in the fiery pits of Hell.

“I told you, (Y/n), I didn’t mean to hurt her baby. If I’d wanted to, I’d be rubbing it in her face more. Showing off your pregnancy more. And if you think I’m gonna hurt our baby, you’re wrong. I would never hurt my babies. It kills me that you think I’d ever do something like that.”

“Can you blame me? You’ve already killed at least one baby.”

A muscle in his jaw ticks and you regret your words.

“You know what? I think you really need a reminder of your place, sweetheart. You’re mine. Maybe not my wife, yet, but soon enough. Until then, you need to know that you belong to me.”

His grip on your face is painful, but you don’t make a single sound.

No, he’s not going to win.

He doesn’t want to hurt the baby or cause unnecessary strain, so he can’t have you on your stomach like he usually would.

So he makes the most of you lying on your back.

He grabs your wrists and binds them above your head, hooking them to the ring on the headboard despite your struggles.

“Steve, no! Please! I-I... Don’t hurt me, please!”

He cocks his head to the side, watching you wriggle and strain.

“You’re mine, (Y/n). You belong to me. There’s no one in this entire world who’ll help you. You’re my property. It’s time you realized that.”

A sick smile spreads across his face as he remembers what made you obedient last time.

“You know, I think I know exactly what you need.”

He climbs off the bed and drops to his knees, rooting under it until he finds his special black box.

You wriggle away furiously, trying to break free before he can hurt you, but deep down you know it’s all for not.

You squeeze your eyes shut as he sits back down on the bed, worming his way between your thighs and flipping your dress up over your extended stomach.

“Please don't,” you whimper uselessly.

He strokes your inner thighs gently, then leans down to spit on your centre.

You flinch away, tears leaking from your eyes as you realize what he’s going to do.

“Please don’t,” you repeat, only to be silenced by him pushing something far too big inside of you.

You cry out, your back arching and sending shoots of pain up to your scalp. The added weight of your baby makes everything ten times more painful, and you can't stop yourself from sobbing as he forces every last inch of the thick dildo into your unprepared cunt.

It burns. Fire spreads from between your legs up your spine and the tears don’t stop.

“Stop! Please! I’ll be good!” He knows you won’t. Or, he just doesn't believe you. You want the pain to stop but you’re not actually willing to change your behaviour for it. Not yet. But you will.

When the dildo is finally fully inside you, he climbs off the bed and shoves the box back underneath it. He adjusts his pants then walks to the door, pausing to look at your trembling figure on the bed.

Your shoulders shake with sobs, and he feels pride swell inside of him.

Good. Now you’ll finally learn.

“You’re gonna stay here until you learn your place. I don’t care how long it takes. When you’re ready to apologize and be a good girl, then we’ll talk. But until then...” He shuts off the light and pulls the door closed behind him, leaving you alone, in pain, and in the dark.

Memories of the last time this happened stab at your brain, and you quickly start hyperventilating.

What’s worse than that, though, is the tiny voice in your head telling you to get off your back. That it’s not good for the baby if you stay like this.

But no matter how much you scream or cry for him, Steve doesn’t come to the door once.

~*~

He leaves you there for hours, or maybe days. It’s so hard to tell.

The room is soundproof, so no one can hear your cries and you can’t hear anything outside.

Even if people could hear you, it doesn’t really matter now.

You’ve been on your back for so long that you’re starting to get dizzy.

During your first pregnancy, you learned only that it’s bad for the baby to sleep on your back. You didn’t think you’d be feeling the effects of it, too.

But here you are, covered in a thin sheen of sweat, mind spinning and lungs struggling to pull in enough air to satisfy you.

It must’ve been several hours ago that Steve left if you’re feeling such strong effects of it. You’re not sure what the technical term is, but you know that you probably don’t have much time left. Your baby has even less.

Your heart aches. Each beat makes sadness bloom in your soul and you can’t stop it.

New tears fall down your cheeks, and all you want is to reach down and caress your belly, apologize to the life growing inside of you.

Apologize for hurting them, for who their father is. For the life you’re bringing them into.

Nobody deserves that.

But now... now you might not have to worry.

Every passing second sends the walls around you spinning faster and faster and faster until all you can do is let your eyes fall closed.

Sleeping will probably make it better anyway, right?

As the darkness creeps up, seeps into your limbs and chases the pain away, you pray.

You’ve never really prayed much before, but you do today.

You send a prayer to any and all Gods, the old ones and the new, and you ask for forgiveness.

You pray for the safety of your unborn child, and for that of Sarah.

A deep part of your brain knows that you may never open your eyes, and you want your daughter to know that you love her. That she means the world to you and you’ll do all that you can to protect her.

Thinking about Sarah brings a wave of strength seemingly out of nowhere, and for a moment you wonder if the Gods heard you. If this is them sending their aid.

You take a few deep breaths, building up as much strength as you can, and try your luck one last time.

“I’m sorry.”

Your voice isn’t nearly as loud as it should be, and the room is so thickly padded that there’s no way he can hear you.

Hopelessness floods your body and you fall into it.

Your sorrow distracts you from the darkness until it takes hold of you and pulls you down, away from the world of pain that you’ve been trapped in.

And you feel peace.

[whimsicallyreading]

For Rowaelin Month day 17

 “A sick day”

CW- PTSD, mentions of violence

Aelin considered herself a fortunate person.

She has survived genocide, her family's murders, losing loved ones, slavery, torture, and the Great War. Now she is a queen, a mother, a beloved Mate.

Her life had changed since those bleak days where she'd wondered if she would ever escape captivity—the days when Aelin didn't know if she would ever be free or find love again. Every morning she woke up curled into Rowan's side, and while she drank her morning tea, Aelin could count on her young daughter snuggling into her lap.

Yes, she was swamped most days, but that was normal for a queen. But even the moments between boring meetings brimmed with life and laughter. Rowan's hand on her thigh beneath the table. Fenrys' theatrics when conversation spiraled off-topic. And even the hardened lords thought it was hilarious when their three-year-old princess barged into councils and demanded her mother's attention.

Her family gathered for dinners at the end of every day. Aelin's little family, Fenrys, Emrys, and Malakai were the regular attendees. Aedion, Lysandra, Elide, and Lorcan joined when they were present. It was a time reserved for family only, and it was by far Aelin's favorite part of the day.

Aelin had a good life now. Her family was growing, and her country thrived beneath her rule.

So it always took her by surprise when a bad day came.

She had woken up fine. Delly had slammed open the chamber door with a gust of wind and squirmed herself between her and Rowan in the early morning. Usually, Aelin treasured the moments when her daughter joined them, but being pregnant again had taken a toll on her sleep.

Rowan tried to stop their child before she entirely collapsed onto Aelin but was a moment too slow. Delly flopped onto her mother's chest in a disarray of wrinkled nightgown and golden curls. Soft sobs were sputtering out of the tiny figure.

I'm sorry. Rowan whispered into her thoughts. He knew how hard pregnancy was on her and took his mate's comfort very seriously. It troubled him that their toddling daughter woke Aelin so abruptly.

Aelin blinks the sleep from her eyes and sends him a happy smile to assure him everything is fine.

"What's wrong, Dell?" Aelin soothes a hand up her baby's quaking form.

Adelia sniffles harder, unable to talk through the tears. She'd started to have bad dreams in recent weeks, but never had she been so inconsolable.

Aelin shifts as Adelia's arms tighten uncomfortably around her bump. Rowan sees her discomfort and reaches around to pull Dell to him instead, but it is met with resistance.

"No," Adelia finally wails. "Mama. I want Mama."

Rowan frowns. Adelia was a daddy's girl to the bone, and this was the first time she'd ever refused to go to him. Their daughter squeezes harder and burrows her face into Aelin's torso.

"Dell," Rowan leans next to her and whispers, a cool breeze brushing against her flushed cheek. "What's wrong little love?"

Adelia lifts her head, and Aelin's heart contracts painfully. Her cheeks are red and swollen from the intensity of her crying, little sobs still stumbling from her chest as Rowan settles her down enough to speak.

"Mama was gone. She was hurt, and she couldn't see me." Dell sniffles, her green eyes glassy. "Can you see me, Mama?"

Aelin tugs her daughter in closer, unable to stand the sight of her so sad. "Yes, of course, I can. I'm right here."

"You were in a box. She wouldn't let me see you," Adelia whimpers in a small voice. "She told me she was gonna keep you. I don't want you to go, Mama."

Aelin's face blanches. It wasn't possible. Her little baby couldn't possibly have seen what was coming to her mind. She looks at Rowan, and his face is pinched with worry.

"It's not real, Dell." Rowan uses a thumb to wipe the tears off her cheek.

Adelia flinches. "Uncle Ress told me it was. He told me Mama had got stollen and put into a box by the bad lady and that she should have stayed there."

Aelin's heart stops. Nausea crawls up her throat, and Rowan tugs Adelia away just in time for her to crawl out of bed and gag into a potted plant. The sickness grips Aelin, the shudders in her arms only growing worse with her daughter's mumbled cries.

"Daddy, I want Mama to stay here." Rowan hushes her and murmurs quiet reassurances. "Don't let her get stollen."

Ress had said that? In front of her daughter? Aelin tries to close her eyes against the visions creeping into her mind. The places her scars used to be ache, and her hands pulse with the remembered pain of reconstruction.

The baby in her womb squirms under its mother's stress, and Aelin throws up again.

She should have stayed there.

Cairn brings the hammer down onto her frail knees, the ringing of cracking bone splits the air.

She should have stayed there.

Aelin opens her eyes to endless darkness. Sweet smoke wafts through invisible holes and sends her to sleep- leaving her mind vulnerable to Maeve's manipulations.

She should have stayed there.

More and more memories swarm behind her eyelids until a pair of grounding arms wrap around her shoulders.

"Fireheart, you are home. You are safe. Can you breathe with me?" Rowan sighs loudly behind her shoulder, and Aelin tries to force her own breath out.

Breathing in is harder, but Rowan's scent fills her nose and loosens the binds on her lungs. Soon, Aelin is doing the exercises independently, and Rowan nuzzles his face into her neck. His hands snake under her bump and lift some of the pressure, easing more of her tension.

"There you are," Rowan kisses her cheek as Aelin comes back around. "Are you okay?"

Aelin shakes her head and sinks into his arms. "Can you take me back to bed?"

Her legs feel like jelly, and her stomach is weak from turning. Rowan lifts her with ease. His arms are warm, and he murmurs sweet nothings into her ear as he carries his mate back to their bed.

"Adelia?" Aelin looks around for their daughter.

Rowan pulls back the duvet and reveals the sleepy from nestled right into the middle of the pillows. "She fell back asleep quickly."

"I can't believe Ress told her those things," Aelin can feel a tear slipping down her face. Ress had never forgiven her for her days as Celaena. Darrow had grown to accept her, but Ress never warmed up to having Aelin as his queen despite her efforts.

She hadn't realized the extent his hatred went.

Rowan scowls as he lays Aelin down next to their daughter. "Ress is young and foolish. I have forgiven a lot of his hostility and ignored most of his juvenile antics, but Aelin, I can't forgive this."

"He should never have said those things to Dell." Ress's words linger in her head. She tried to do right by her title and live up to her parent's legacy. Aelin took a lot of pride in listening to the demands of her people and tending to their problems personally. But the odds of Ress being the only one to feel this way are slim. Did they wish she'd never returned? Was she arrogant to take the crown just because it was her inheritance? She'd never had the formal training as ruler and relied a lot on Rowan to help manage foreign affairs. Despite the loss of her fire, many still feared her and considered her a murderer. No matter how hard she tried, Aelin's history as Adarlan's Assassin proceeded her.

Tears burn Aelin's eyes, and Rowan's scowl deepens. "He should have never spoken of you like that at all."

Aelin shakes her head, "It's his right to think what he wants. Maybe he has a point."

"No." Rowan growls, and Dell flinches in her sleep. Taking a deep breath, Rowan softens his voice. "He's wrong, Aelin. Ress was wrong to scare Dell, and he has no right to demean everything you've sacrificed. You've suffered for your people."

"I closed the lock because I had to Rowan," Aelin argues. "That doesn't automatically make me a good queen. What if I'm failing?"

Rowan pulls their duvet up to Aelin's chin, and Dell instinctively snuggles to her mother's side. Her daughter was a leach for warmth, and Aelin could feel her remaining flames writhing in her veins agitated.

"You are a wonderful ruler, Fireheart." Rowan bends down and kisses her lips reverently. "I've met my fair share of emperors, kings, and queens. None of them have given up so much to better the lives of their people. They care for you in return."

Rowan steps away from the bed, and Aelin makes a displeased noise. "Where are you going so early in the morning."

"I'm awake now. I feel like a flight through Oakwald. Go to sleep, and when you wake up, I'll bring my females breakfast," Rowan pulls on a plain white tunic. "Sleep, love. You both need your rest."

Rowan can read her too well. Aelin can feel her eyes drooping despite how much she wants to deny it. "Very well, but there better be tea and pastries."

As Aelin drifts back to sleep, she swears that a mischievous smile passes across her mate's face.

~~~

"Aelin," Maeve twirls a lock of blonde hair in her fingers. "Where are the keys?"

Cairn twists the blade in her thigh again, and Aelin screams, "screw yourself."

Aelin writhes beneath the pain and the dark queen's gaze. Her torturer goes to twist the blade again, but Maeve holds up a hand. "Wait. There is a smarter way to go about this."

"I won't tell you anything," Aelin gasps, the blood seeping from her thigh pools onto the table. "There is nothing you can do."

"Not even to spare the princess?" Maeve smiles as the cell door opens. Connall walks into the room, a squirming girl in his arms.

"Let me go," the girl screams, and the air in the room turns frigid. Her blonde hair whips around as she twists and fights. The little girl's head turns, and she freezes when she catches sight of Aelin. "Mama?"

"Adelia?" Aelin asks, confused. "You can't be here. You aren't supposed to be here." With renewed energy, Aelin thrashes against her bonds and bares her teeth at Maeve.

Maeve takes Adelia from Connall and strokes her hair. "Such a pretty one."

"This isn't real," Aelin hisses. "I wasn't pregnant when you took me. Adelia was born in Terresan."

Maeve hums a sympathetic note, "It seems you're confused." Aelin fights as the dark queen sits with a frozen Adelia in her lap. "Begin again, Cairn."

A hot iron is lain against Aelin's neck, and Adelia's screams rattle the stone chamber.

~~~

Aelin wakes with a gasp. Her chest is seizing in uncontrollable fits, and little hands cup the sides of her face.

"Mama?" Adelia's concerned face hovers over Aelin's. "Why are you crying?"

Relief washes over her at the sight of her daughter, safe and sound. She tries to take deeper breaths, but her body fights against her. The baby in her womb squirms uncomfortably. Aelin feels guilt that they are so subject to her moods. She tries to open her mouth to speak, consol her frightened daughter, but Aelin can't get any words out.

"Daddy!" Dell screams, frightened tears gathering in the corner of her eyes.

Rowan bursts through the door, "Dell?"

Adelia sniffles and kisses Aelin's face sadly, "Daddy, what's wrong with Mama?"

Aelin grabs at her chest, trying to ease the tightness there. She was scaring her daughter. What kind of mother would do that? Rowan sits beside her, and a cool wind goes up her nose and fills her lungs.

"Fireheart," Rowan lifts Adelia and sits beside her. "Is this a sick day?"

It was the code they'd come up with for the days when the past came back to haunt them. When the turmoil in their mind forces their bodies to rebel, and they can't seem to put on their usual facades. It used to shame Aelin, the days she couldn't rise from bed and do her duty. But her mate's unwavering love soon cracked that lie and eased her burden. Rowan had convincing arguments. Aelin's people needed their queen at her best, and on sick days, she wasn't able to give that to them. Their court was strong. They wouldn't allow Terresan to fall while she recovered. Aelin deserved time to heal.

Rowan must have been able to tell that she wouldn't be able to settle herself this time as his winds continued their push and pull in her chest. "Yes," she rasps dejectedly.

Dell buries her face into Rowan's shoulder. Her mate rests a hand on the side of her face and soothes her cheek. "To whatever end, Aelin. We will get through this just as we do everything else."

Rowan kisses the side of Dell's face. "Little love, do you think you can go to the kitchens and have someone bring Mama tea?"

That fae instinct to fuss rears its head in their child. Adelia perks up at the opportunity to do something useful. "Yes!"

Rowan sets her on the floor, and she takes off in a blur of untamed hair and swishing skirts. They wince as a gust of wind slams the doors of their chambers against the wall.

"She's a handful," Rowan talks, aware of the soothing effect his voice has on her. "But we always knew our children would be. I can't wait to see what kind of chaos our son brings into our lives."

Aelin wraps her arms around him as the remnants of her dreams finally fade away. "You think it's a boy?"

"I know so," Rowan pinches her side, and Aelin smiles. He'd also been confident that their first child would be a girl. His smugness after Adelia's birth was unbearable.

"Rowan," Aelin whispers. "Can we just lay here today?"

"I could never deny you anything," Rowan leans against their headboard and kicks off his shoes. "You don't need to ask, Aelin. It's okay to take time for yourself."

"What if I'm just proving Ress right?" The insecurity slips from her lips before she can stop them. "What if there is someone more capable?"

"Ress won't be a problem anymore," Rowan rests a hand against her bump, and the baby withing kicks at it, bringing a smile to his face.

Aelin narrows her eyes, "What have you done?"

"Nothing that anyone will blame me for," Rowan assures. "He would be in a lot more trouble if the rest of the court learned what he said in front of Dell. Ress should be grateful I didn't do a lot worse."

Aelin sighs, "I don't understand why I can't just let it all go. Why do I allow myself to be so haunted?"

"It's not that simple," Rowan shakes his head. "I'm hundreds of years old, and no matter how many years pass, there are things from my past that haven't healed. The mind is different from the body, and sometimes it takes longer for it to recover. There is nothing wrong with that. You gave up everything for the people you loved."

"Because I had to," Aelin contradicts.

A hardness comes over Rowan, "because no one else could."

Rowan rolls over her body into a plank and looks deep into her eyes. "No one else that day would have made the same sacrifices out of love. Not even me. I was too selfish to let you go. You gave up everything, and by the strength in your soul, you came home to me. In all my decades, I have never met someone so remarkable, and I never will again. Take as many years as you need to recover, Aelin. This world owes a debt to you, and I will make sure it pays. You deserve every happiness."

His hand threads through one of hers and drags it up to rest on the bump between them.

Happiness.

Dell darts back into their room, a cup of tea sloshing in her hands as she runs. "Daddy, I put extra sugar in it. Uncle Fen is coming with more cups, but I made this one special."

Rowan pulls away from her, and the laughter on his face is contagious.  

Aelin smiles and accepts the tea from Dell's hands. She even manages a few sips without cringing from the sweetness. Fenrys follows behind her shortly and sets a fresh cup covertly on her bedside table.

There may be hard days, Aelin realizes as her family gathers around her, but the love they showed her every day made it all worth it.

[frostfires-blog]

Various people have been mentioning how the latest SNK ED (#7 Akuma no Ko) is Eren's answer to the Mikasa in the first ED (#1 Utsukushiki Zankoku na Sekai)....so I have to check it out and analyze it. (P.s. Unfortunately the lyrics aren't in order)...Here goes...

NOTE: THE ARE ⚠️SPOILERS⚠️ HERE. ALSO MOST OF THIS IS MY OWN INTERPRETATION OF EVENTS THUS FAR AND MANAG SPOILERS I'VE HEARD...I'm not claiming to be 100% accurate here...I'm sure there are many different interpretations to this.

These lyrics directly contrast Eren's motivations to Mikasa confusion in the latest episode. After having been 'betrayed' by Eren, Mikasa is left confused and doubtful whereas Eren seems steadfast in his goals.

Eren is sacrificing everything to protect those dear to him especially Mikasa. He believes that this is the only way and claims that even if he is wrong he won't doubt his choice This reminds me of Levi's advice to him in during season 1

"But no one ever knows how it will turn out. So choose for yourself, whichever decision you will regret the least."

Mikasa has frequently claimed the world to be cruel and merciless.

"Only victors are allowed to live... this world is merciless like that."

"This world is merciless, and it's also very beautiful."

After the parents' death, Eren was the one to remind her to fight for her survival and take her life into her own hands. During the Battle of Trost arc upon hearing of Eren's 'death' she breaks down and contemplates whether life is worth living and if she can bring herself to live in a world without Eren. Her decision was to fight and survive as Eren would've wanted her to. To live in order to keep his memory alive. Since meeting Eren, Mikasa has prioritised the survival of herself and those she cares about above all else. However even though fate has cast Eren such a terrible role and even although the world is so cruel he still loves her. To him survival is nothing without freedom. It is not enough to just live or to live like livestock...He wants to fight not just for his survival but his freedom—for the freedom of those he holds dear even if it costs him dearly...

Time and time Eren has reminded and inspired Mikasa to keep fighting—to keep living; because life and freedom the world's greatest gifts bestowed to all...

Eren has always dreamed of freedom. Originally he desired to be free of the threat of the titans and the walls.

"We’re born free. All of us. Free. Some don’t believe it, some try to take it away. To hell with them!"

"Fight to live, risk it all for even a glimmer of real freedom! It doesn’t matter what’s waiting outside the gate, or what comes in! It doesn’t matter how cruel the world can be, or how unjust ! Fight. Fight. Fight. FIGHT! FIGHT!!!"

Over time that desire evolved to wanting to be free from the threat other nations posed. His goal is to create a world where he and those dear to him can be free, a place for them to belong.

Mikasa speaks about how precious and fragile dreams are...about no matter how hard you try to abandon them they will always find you somehow. This resonates with although Eren's motivations and goals seem to have changed from those of the Scouts; the foundation of his dream has never changed.

Throughout Attack on titan we have seen Eren descend into brutality. This reminds me of something Armin said early in the series:

“To surpass monsters, you must be willing to abandon your humanity.” 

And to many Eren has become a villain and a monster.

“I don’t have time to worry if it’s right or wrong, you can’t hope for a horror story with a happy ending.” 

However in the face of all these obstacles— "walls"—and despite his "strengths and weaknesses" he still is forced to make a choice. The choice on how to best protect those dearest to him. In the end he chooses to believe in his own strength to achieve that even if that means he needs to abandon those he loves. However as the Mikasa ending says "the more you forget the more you remember...." ultimately foreshadowing his precious friends being the ones to confront him.

[thefools-journey]

So. Some of you may be wondering why we haven’t written a whole ton about the secondaries or what have you. Here’s the reason: we were waiting for them to end before we really dug into the problems we were noticing. We felt that it was only fair to wait for the routes to finish so that we had an understanding of the writers’ vision. Who knew, we thought, maybe they would see the problems themselves and course correct, maybe they are building to something we can’t quite see yet and these issues will have actual payoff, maybe-

In light of Muriel and Lucio’s endings, and the general mess that has dominated Portia’s route for a year plus now, we are breaking our silence. We are actually going to talk about this shit show.

The fandom at large has talked about a bunch of issues with the secondaries but for me, the cardinal sin, the thing that really all the issues lead back to, is this: the writers lost sight of the tarot themes which so strongly defined and held together the primary routes. Let me explain.

The primary routes each center around three thematic cores:

The Love Interest’s Major Arcana and its Reversed/Upright meanings

The MC’s Fool’s Journey, both how it can go right and how it can go wrong

A question about the MC’s identity and their relationship to said identity

Asra’s route asks: Who was the MC? How does the MC navigate a past they cannot and will not remember? What do they owe a past they cannot remember? How do they handle the revelations of what Asra, Nadia, Julian, etc did? How do you right the past? Can you?

Nadia’s route asks: Who is the MC? The MC has no past. Are they the Fool only? Are they actually the same person they were? How can they tell? Who are they, really? Are they an imposter? No one can answer these questions for them.

Julian’s route asks: Who will the MC become? How does the MC see their future? Is there anything worth fighting for for that future? What will become of them and their loved ones? 

Now, if you notice, these themes are expertly woven throughout the primaries. Asra’s past dominates his route, Nadia is also missing memories and trying to construct her identity both with her family and with Vesuvia, and Julian’s fear of the future drives his flailing for control. Asra has to learn to take a broader view of his actions to get his Upright Ending, Nadia has to learn to trust herself and those around her for hers, and Julian has to learn how to let go for his. These lessons are the issues their cards stand for. The primaries are so dang elegant and delicate in their handlings of theme it is honestly awe-inspiring.

Thematically, the secondary routes have completely lost their hearts. First of all, the MC does not have strong, core questions which need to be answered. They just don’t. I suppose the writers did not want to retread old territory (which is weird considering how tightly bound the primaries are; it really tricks you into thinking you’re living the same events but from different angles depending on your route) but they did not replace the old with anything new. Muriel’s route is, on the surface, about discovering and owning his past, the good and the bad. Why not tie MC’s self-discovery to that story? Or they could have taken the angle that Muriel’s route is about convincing him to be present and active in the world while MC builds an identity for themself outside of Asra, the shop, and the memories they cannot retrieve. Why not tie the investigation themes running through Portia’s early route back to MC and their past? Portia has the unique angle of being as in the dark as MC about all of this, why not discover the past together? And for goodness’ sake, Lucio has no future when his route begins, why not tie that to his need for growth, responsibility, and MC’s own future between the Fool, the Devil, or something mortal and in between?

Secondly, the routes lost their tarot backbone. We have a primer on how to get specific endings for each LI and it still holds, but the writers did not follow through on the thematic coherence of each secondary. The Hermit is looking for something, be it perspective, insight, a solution to a problem, whatever. The key here is that the Hermit must find or learn what they are searching for, this thing must change their understanding of the world, and finally, they must bring this lesson back to the world from which they retreated. Can someone please enlighten me as what exactly Muriel learns then teaches the world around him? Nothing Muriel learns from Morga, MC, or even the Hermit ties back into anything. The Devil warns that you are out of control and exerting a lot of manipulative, destructive behavior on the world around you. It asks you to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. So can someone tell me why Lucio’s route actively avoids any interaction or reflection on two of Lucio’s biggest victims: Muriel and Julian? Why does the route only try to make amends with the “easier” of his victims in the cast? The Star is first and foremost the card of clarity, the light at the end of the tunnel. Perseverance, if you will. Yet Portia’s route has been the muddiest of the trio; the writers drop the investigation aspect of her route in favor just handing her and MC information they could have easily found and muddying the waters with Tasya (she blows up the palace but it’s all okay bc she has a secret daughter Julian never thought to bring up or mention) and the complete removal of the Devil as antagonist. 

So that leaves just the Fool’s Journey trying to hold this stool up with only one leg. And well...it doesn’t go well. At best, the secondary route books pay the barest surface level homage to the themes of the individual cards. At worst, they ignore the cards completely. Muriel's Moon book has nothing to do with illusions or delusions or lies or even an Alice in the Looking Glass upside down world. Portia's back half is a complete and utter mess, starting with her Temperance book being so badly mangled that Muriel's aftermath book does it better. Lucio's route too bungles the Tower and the Star. There just isn't enough here to carry the routes alone.

Add to the core loss the loss of intertextuality. The primary routes are very good, even great but they too do have their moments and mistakes. What helps strengthen them when the cores stumble is how the trio is woven together. Things you learn in Asra's route can inform the way you play Nadia's, for example. Julian's route informs what is going on in Asra's route and slots some missing puzzle pieces together. Nadia's route tells you of the power struggles she is facing and informs the other two routes' handling of Julian and his trial. On and on, the three routes support each other because they are built out of the same basic plot beats, just tackled in very different ways. Now, the writers are allowed to try and write whatever they want. They apparently wanted to be more experimental and less tied down to an overarching plot with the three secondaries. Okay, fine, they are allowed to do that. The problem is that they sacrificed one of the key strengths of the primary trio and didn't replace said strength with anything else. They also, on some level, harmed the very premise of the game, which is that only the player's choices and route selected change the overall plot. Instead of feeling like legitimate possibilities or offshoots of the same timeline/plot, the secondaries feel almost like Arcana AUs. The secondaries throw out all relations to the primaries and each other as quickly as possible and for what? 

It is probably the height of arrogance to suggest fixes for works whose behind the scenes I do not know. At the same time, some small, obvious changes could have salvaged Muriel and maybe Lucio's endings (rip Portia). Instead of having the Hermit appear as a disappointing cameo, why not have him say something cryptic to Muriel, then have MC start trying to seal the Devil. Then let Muriel use his forget me mark to cloak MC and hide them from the Devil's attacks. Protecting MC by hiding them from Lucio, keeping him focused on Muriel, seems to me a simple third solution between Muriel's desire to run and his desire to never fight again. It lets him stand up to Lucio and let him have it while holding onto who Muriel has become. The Reversed End would have MC try to draw Lucio's attention at some point, disrupting the sealing, and eventually leading to Muriel killing the Devil. With Lucio's Upright End, I just have to ask: why doesn't MC fully claim the power of the Fool instead of the Devil? We don't need the other Arcana involved in this fight; we have three routes that demonstrate that. Just have MC pull Scout into the conflict, then have Lucio tell MC he believes in them, then add his power to the mix. You got yourself a full Fool who leaves Scout guarding the realm until they and Lucio's mortal bodies fail and they return to the realm to be together forever. Boom, you're done, you can even add some ambiguous lines so that players can decide how happy their MC is with this arrangement, send me the check.

Here is the bottom line. Our group is full of aroace, and several combinations therein, individuals. We are the last group who should have gotten into a dating sim of all things. But the Arcana did something with the primaries that was special; they wrote a compelling plot with dazzling lore, complex characters, and strong themes wrapped up in a dating sim bow. The writers know better and we know they know better. I do not know what happened with the secondaries, especially around books 10-11, which is where minor issues slowly start spiraling into major ones, but it is clear that Nix Hydra needed some more planning before they released these routes. Hopefully they will learn.

TL;DR: Nix Hydra fired their tarot consultants about eighteen months ago and it has wrecked their secondary routes until they were just embarrassments. They never intended for the secondary routes to even exist and once they had to make them, they scrambled and threw out everything that made the primaries work.

- Mod Telos

[imasimpforshanks]

omg I am so sorry I completely forgot to put the alphabet 😅 E C J M T for Shanks for the angst alphabet! thank you and sorry for the mistake! ❤️

Angst Alphabet - Shanks

a/n: hiii! Thank y’all for requesting! To the second anon, I went with Shanks (I hope that’s ok!!!) 💗💗💗

LOLOL THIS MY HUSBANDDDDD 💍😍

A-Accident (would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?)

It would depend on how much he felt he could have prevented it. However, Shanks understands all to well just how cruel the world can be. He can’t constantly be in control of everything, so although it would be devastating, he would have to realize that this is reality.

B-Break up (How would they break up with you?)

Shanks would use the excuse that he is a Yonko. He’s no good for you, and you deserve so much better than an infamous pirate who only brings danger. While these are just excuses - ways to make breaking up with you easier - he really would be speaking from the heart. Shanks has always felt this way but never voiced it, but now it’s finally time to let you go.

C-Crying (how would they make you cry?)

He leaves for long periods of time and refuses to you along. You know he’s only doing it for your safety, but it hurts that he doesn’t think you’re strong or responsible enough to join his crew on their voyages (note: he doesn’t actually think you’re not strong or responsible – his pirate life is just extremely dangerous, even as a yonko).

D-Death (how would they react to your death?)

He’s seen and experienced a lot of death in his life so he’d be a able to cope with it a little better than others would. Even so, your death would still be heart-breaking (he would mourn privately though). Now, if he literally saw you get killed in front of him then RIP to the person who killed you because they will be the one/s to die next.

E-Emotion (what is one emotion they would try to hide the most and how would they do it?)

Shanks is quite an open book. If he’s angry everyone knows. If he’s happy everyone knows (etc.). But, if I really had to pick one… I suppose it would be sadness or grief. He feels obligated to put on a front for his crew (although they can see right through it). He tends to let out his sadness and grief when he’s alone.

F-Fight (do you two ever fight? How big are the fights? What do you fight about? Etc.)

He tends to crack jokes before your fights can escalate into anything too serious. Sometimes it’s intentional, but other times it’s just his personality shining through. And rather than serious fights there’s just a lot of teasing and taunts between the two of you.

If you were to have a serious fight, it would be about both of your safety (As would most fights with any of the One Piece characters).

G-Guilt (what is the biggest thing they feel guilty about?)

More often than not, Shanks finds himself able let go of a LOT of shit. But the one thing he can’t seem to stop feeling guilty about is his failure to show up to Marineford on time. He knows he’s not directly responsible for Ace’s death, but that doesn’t stop the overwhelming guilt. If only he had gotten there a few minutes earlier.

H-Heartbreak (what would cause them pain in the relationship? How would they deal during a break-up?)

Coming back to you after each voyage is something he always looks forward to. However, that happiness is short-lived when he realizes he has to leave again in a few weeks. It’s always so painful having to say goodbye again.

I don’t think he would be too different during a break-up. Perhaps he may crack a few less jokes, but other than that, his personality and demeanour when around others remains the same. It isn’t until he’s alone that he lets his smile fall.

I-Injured (how would they react if you are badly injured?)

Undoubtedly, he’d be concerned, but he knows you’ll pull through (you have to pull through). So, after that initial concern has passed, he’ll be feeling all types of pissed off. Whoever, or whatever, injured you will pay – and honestly, he may not even deal the perpetrator himself (his crew is already on it - you are like family to them).

J-Jealousy (what do they do if they are jealous?)

I honestly think Shanks is just the type of person to just tell you if he’s jealous. But he wouldn’t say “uhh I’m feeling a little jealous” or anything along those lines – no. Instead, Shanks puts on a little pout and does a massive fake sigh until you finally ask him what’s wrong. That’s when he hits you with the “I guess my attention just isn’t enough for you”, and you’re like “HUH?? MF WHAT?” He’s literally such a child HAHA.

But, if there’s one particular person he really does not like you being around and they won’t leave you alone, then he is not at all opposed to just shoving his tongue down your throat right in front of them. That’ll definitely get the message across.

K-Kill (would they kill for revenge?)

Shanks may be a goofy and laid-back individual, but he will resort to violence if the situation calls for it. So, it is very likely that Shanks would kill for revenge. Maybe he wouldn’t necessarily do it himself. But, if he orders it, it’ll definitely happen.

L-Loss (what is their greatest loss?)

Gol D. Roger’s death was probably one of the greatest losses in Shanks’ life. Roger is the reason Shanks is a pirate today, and young shanks was absolutely broken by his death.

(hard to write much for this one seeing as shanks’ character is still quite a mystery to us!)

M-Mistake (what is the worst mistake they ever made with you?)

One time he completely forgot a date night that you spent SO LONG planning. It wasn’t just any date night either. It was a date you planned on his final night before him and his crew had to leave again for a while. You spent hours waiting for to show up, but he was nowhere to be seen. Finally, he showed up at your place, breath reeking of booze. You just looked at him and it hit him (he was like “OH SHIT”). He started apologizing profusely. He didn’t try to make any excuses, he completely owned up to being a shitty boyfriend. But, the moment he knew he had well and truly fucked up was when you just nodded and waved good night to him, wishing him safe travels – you didn’t cry, get visibly angry you just left alone. Shanks knew that was far worse than any yelling.

N-Nightmares (how often do they have them? What are they about? How do they deal with it?)

I literally am not joking when I say this but I think Shanks practically drinks till he passes out so even if he were to get nightmares he wouldn’t wake up LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO (ok maybe I am joking with this one but also kind of not).

In all seriousness though, I don’t think Shanks has nightmares very frequently. It’s gotten to the point where any fear or things of that matter that could be nightmares for him, have become so common in his life that he almost finds it not frightening to think about.

O-Outrage (how and why would they get mad at you?)

He would get mad at you for placing yourself in unnecessary danger. He’d call you stupid and irresponsible, even though he doesn’t really mean any of those things – it’s just the image of him potentially losing you forever is replaying in his mind and it absolutely terrifies him.

P-Past (what has happened in your relationship that changed the way you saw each other?)

You saw him get serious serious once before. Like the kind of serious where he uses his conquerors haki and everything. It definitely caused a bit of a change in your relationship as it was terrifying to witness. You’ve always known Shanks was strong and intimidating when needed, but that moment really showed you what it meant when people called him an “emperor of the sea”.

Q-Quality (what is their most dangerous/toxic quality?)

Not wanting to openly express his sadness and grief in front of others can be a very unhealthy quality. Shanks doesn’t allow himself good enough opportunities to express him emotions in a safe and healthy manner.

R-Rejection (how would they react to you rejecting their confession (or the other way around))

(First of all WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO REJECT SHANKS ANYWAY LIKE HUBBA HUBBA I LOVE HIM ANYWHOOOOOOOOO…..) Shanks is the type to just shrug it off. He’d be a little disappointed, bc c’mon the hottest most amazing person he’s ever known just turned him down! But he knows not everything in life goes how you want it to. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and this just happens to be one of the things he’s lost. So ultimately, he’ll just shrug it off. (he will definitely get teased by his crew though).

S-Scars (battle or self-inflicted)

Shanks has no self-inflicted wounds. But he does have a scar across his left eye given to him by Blackbeard. He also has a missing arm which he (heroically) sacrificed as he saved lil Luffys life (does a missing arm even count as a scar?)

T-Trust (have they ever broken your trust?)

He’s never given you any reason to not trust him. He’s always open and honest with you. Well, as honest as he can be without placing you in any danger. Trust was something needed from the get-go of your relationship because he would be gone for long periods of time. The two of you wouldn’t be able to last without trust.

Oh, also if shanks ever did do anything to break your trust you best believe his crew will beat his ass (especially Benn). You’re family to them.

U-Urge (how badly do they want to see you after you guys separated?)

My god does he want to see you. He would give his other arm just to be right by your side in an instant. He’s gone for weeks, sometimes months, at a time. Shanks loves his crew, they’re a lively bunch and he trusts them with his life, and vice versa. But they’re not you. They don’t provide him with that same feeling of home that you do. Sure, this could be fixed if he let you join the crew on their journeys, but he absolutely cannot place you in that kind of danger. You’re already in enough danger as it is simply being in a relationship with him.

V-Vicious (what do they do when they lash out on you?)

Rather than lashing out at you, Shanks tends to give you the silent treatment. He looks at you without a word and just turns away. He does this in an attempt to make you feel guilty and as if everything is your fault.

W-Weak (what makes them feel weak how do they try to avoid it?)

There isn’t much that makes Shanks feel weak. But, being unable to be near his s/o is one of the few things that does make him feel weak. It’s a constant struggle between wanting to have them around him constantly, but also not wanting to place them in any danger. Ultimately, he decides that not placing them in danger is the better choice, despite how much it pains him.

X-X-ray (what do they hate and show it most obviously?)

Shanks can handle being picked on and ridiculed himself, but he will not tolerate that sort of behaviour towards his friends. The second someone goes after a friend (or someone else he cares about) they are done for.

Y-Yearn (what is one thing that they want but can’t have?)

LMFAOOOOOO WHY DID MY BRAIN AUTOMATICALLY THINK “his arm back” OOP-

I’M SORRY BUT I LITERALLY CAN’T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE OTHER THAN HIS ARM HAHAHAHAHAH

Z-Zero (what do they do/say in your dying moments?)

He’d try to crack a few jokes to at least help you feel better. Other than that, he just tries to make the most of your final moments together.

[aspoonofsugar]

Semblance of the Soul: Qrow and Raven

The Branwens are two people with a shared past, that have taken different routes in life:

Ozpin: Everyone has a choice. The Branwens chose to accept their powers and the responsibilities that came with them. And later, one of them chose to abandon her duties in favor of her own self-interest.

Qrow has made an altruistic choice. He hates the crimes of his tribe and is happy to help people by working for Ozpin.

Raven has instead decided to prioritize herself and her tribe and sees Ozpin’s cause as foolish and reckless.

At the same time, they are twins, but have chosen different families. This is why the concept of family comes up so often in their interactions. After all, they first meet in the episode called Family:

Raven: Hello, brother.

Qrow: Raven. So, what do you want?

Raven: A girl can't just catch up with her family?

And their last exchange is this:

Raven: Sorry, brother. Sometimes family disappoints you like that.

Qrow: We're not family anymore.

Raven: Were we ever?

Qrow: I thought so, but I guess I was wrong.

Still, how are they doing with their families of choice? Are they happy with them? Do they have healthy relationships?

For the both of them, the answer is no. This happens because Raven and Qrow are both scared to grow close to people.

It is just that this fear is declined in opposite ways. Raven is scared for herself (selfishness), while Qrow is scared for others (selflessness).

This trait they share, but show in different ways, is well conveyed by their respective semblances. This analysis will use their powers as means to explore both characters and their foiling.

RAVEN: BIRDS OF A FEATHER

Raven’s Kindred Link perfectly embodies the saying...

Birds of a feather flock together...

...until the cat comes:

Raven: I...I'm sorry...

On one hand it lets her create portals to the people she has a strong bond with.

On the other hand she mostly uses it to run away from those bonds.

Why does she do it?

The answer is clear:

Lionheart: I'm helping her for the same reason you are - I'm afraid. We... we can't stop her... no one can...

Raven is just another version of the Cowardly Lion. She is a coward like Leo, but does not aknowledge it and prefers to hide behind a pragmatic and survivalist mask:

Raven: That's why I tried to leave when I did. I'm not afraid, I'm smart.

This is why she goes back to her tribe after she leaves Yang and Tai. She says she does so because she considers them her family and wants to protect them.

However, her motivations are implied to be more selfish. She goes to them to run away from things that scare her.

To be more specific, the tribe protects Raven psychologically in two different ways.

1) It lets her be the monster, the criminal, the most violent and powerful one:

Mercury: We’re the guys you should be afraid of.

Raven: I doubt anyone should be afraid of you.

Here, Raven mocks Mercury, but the irony is that her coping mechanism is really not that much different from his. She hides behind a Grimm mask, a universal symbol of fear, but she is the scared one.

2) She goes back to the family who raised her and neglects the family she is supposed to raise (Yang).

Deep down, Raven is just an adult, who fails at being an adult.

Mostly, this shows in her inability to make a choice:

Yang: Which is it, mom? Are you merciful, or are you a survivor?

 As a matter of fact she keeps changing her mind because she is not brave enough to stick to one decision.

Initially, she is sent to Beacon, so that she could learn how to kill hunters. However, she ends up becoming a huntress herself and she accepts to fight Salem. She is considered so loyal that she is even given magical powers. Finally, she enters a relationship and has a daughter with Tai. She basically starts creating a life outside the tribe, only to leave it all behind at a certain point. It is not clear if it is because she saw something specific or if it is the result of a longer struggle.

The point is that nobody forced her to fight Salem. She could have also refused Ozpin’s powers. Finally, she could have told Ozpin and the others she wanted to stop. In any case, she did not have to leave her family to stop fighting Salem. What is more, she could have brought her family with her, when she ran away.

She chooses instead to leave everything she has built behind and goes back to the world she was a child in. It might be a violent world, but she sees it as safer.

Let’s highlight that she has the same tendency of changing idea in the series itself. She switches sides and organizes a risky plan, which puts almost all her major bonds (Qrow, Vernal and Yang) in danger. She does all that because she wants the relic, so that she has leverage against Salem. After all of this, even after Vernal’s death, she simply runs away. She is obviously shaken by her confrontation with Yang, who calls her out. However, Yang is perfectly right when she says so:

Yang: Because you're afraid of Salem!!! And if you thought having Maiden powers put a target on your back, imagine what she'll do when she finds out you have a Relic. She'll come after you with everything she has. Or she can come after me. And I'll be standing there, waiting for her.

Taking the relic would just put Raven in danger. For her it is safer to open the vault and disappear, so that someone else can take care of things. Even if this someone else is her daughter.

In other words, Raven is a failure of a mother. This is shown by her failing all three of her “daughters” (Yang, the Spring Maiden and Vernal). Moreover, it is perfectly conveyed by her being a Maiden.

The idea of maidenhood is symbolically juxtaposed to the one of motherhood. Of course, this does not have to be true in-universe for all the Maidens. Still, in Raven’s case, this juxtaposition is deliberate. Raven is an eternal Maiden, who runs away from her parental responsibilities.

This is why she received the power from her protegee instead than from a mentor figure. She is so selfish she takes from the people she should protect:

Cinder: Vernal was a decoy the whole time. The last Spring Maiden must've trusted you a great deal before she died. I bet that was a mistake...

What is more, it is strongly implied she killed the previous Maiden to take her powers. This is interesting because it ties to a second meaning of her semblance.

Her ability symbolizes the unfairness of the bonds she forges. She works to create those bonds and there is affection involved. However, these bonds are double edged swords for the other party involved because of Raven’s moodiness. She can leave when she wants and come back out of the blue. She can always go to others when she needs it, while others can never reach her. This leads to an unbalanced dynamic in Raven’s favour.

This dynamic can even become extremely dangerous for the other person:

Raven can potentially use her ability to attack the people she is bonded with. She does not use her semblance this way in the series. Still, what happened to the Spring Maiden is something similar. To receive the power of the Maiden, Raven must have been the last person in the girl’s thoughts before death. This probably happened because the two shared a close bond. A bond Raven betrayed.

In other words, the nature of Raven’s semblance hides in itself the potential of betrayal:

Raven: Aura can't protect your arm, it's Grimm. You turned yourself into a monster just for power.

Cinder: Look who's talking...

As Cinder points out, Raven too, like her, has become a monster to obtain power. The difference here is in how this montrosity is conveyed.

In Cinder’s case, she is literally turning into a Grimm. She has accepted this metamorphosis to take the Maidens’ powers.

In Raven’s case, it is ironically the opposite symbolically. She wears a Grimm mask, but the true monstrosity is the Maiden behind it:

Raven is monster-like because she stole the power from a person, who trusted her.

Let’s highlight that the motif of the Grimm mask has come up several times in the series. So far, it has been used by people, like Raven and Adam, who want to be feared. Something similar can be seen in the Hound as well, who is not really wearing a mask, but whose humanity is hidden behind his Grimm appearance.

In all three cases, the true scary thing is what is behind the Grimm-face:

It is always the humanity behind it that is scary. Be it the victim behind the monster in the Hound, society’s mistreatment of Faunus or Raven’s cowardice and what it led her to do:

Yang: You're right. I don't know you. I only know the Raven dad told me about. She was troubled, and complicated, but she fought for what she believed in, whether it was her team or her tribe! Did you kill her too?

Yang’s question is poignant and underlines how all Raven has done is simply to hurt herself. By hurting the people she loves, she has been killing a part of herself.

This is also conveyed by her emblem missing from her possessions. According to the wiki, Raven’s emblem is this:

Raven's emblem is a winged eye with a clock inside of it. This emblem has not appeared on any of her possessions so far.

This is a reference to Raven and Qrow’s allusion to  Hugin and Munin, Odin’s two ravens, who travel the world and bring him information. Raven and Qrow do the same for Ozpin and they are his eyes.

Qrow is the left eye:

Salem: The last eye is blinded... you disappoint me.

While Raven used to be the right. So, her emblem is probably the right version of Qrow’s own one. Still, Raven refuses that part of herself and this is why she is not wearing her emblem.

In short, Raven used to be a bird of a feather with Qrow, but she is not flocking together with him anymore. This is because a scary cat has come:

And Raven has sacrificed her bonds out of fear. Not only that, but she has weaponized them:

Yang:  You turn your back on people, you run away when things get too hard, you put others in harm's way instead of yourself!!

Raven has been using her most loved people as assets, so that she can shield herself from danger. Maybe it is because of this that she symbolically uses Omen to open portals. This even if she can apparently do so without it, since she opens them even as a bird. However, using her sword is a way to distance herself from the true nature of her ability (bonds). It is a way to reduce her ties with people to simple things she can use.

That said, this is damaging Raven herself.

To be more specific, she is making herself weaker and weaker:

Yang: Oh, shut up!! You don't know the first thing about strength! (...) You might be powerful, but that doesn't make you strong.

Raven is powerful, but weak. This weakness is symbolically conveyed by her behaving in the opposite way her semblance would need to truly shine.

Raven’s power works thanks to bonds, so it can be assumed it would be at its strongest if its user cultivated them both in quality and in numbers. However, Raven has few bonds and she is cutting them off one by one:

Yang: You can bond to certain people. And when you do, you could create a portal that takes you straight to them. You've got one for Dad. One for me. And you've got one for Qrow.

We know that Raven is also bonded with Vernal. Still, Vernal dies at the end of volume 5. Of the other ones Yang mentions, Raven has pushed away both Qrow and Yang through her actions at Heaven.

This makes this scene interesting:

Did the portal Raven opened at Heaven go to Tai? Did she go there because she felt nostalgic and missed him? Or is he the only one (both practically and symbolically) she can still run to?

QROW: A SCARE-QROW SCARED OF CROWS

Qrow’s semblance is Misfortune and it is basically a Bad Luck Charm:

I am no one's blessing I'll just bring you harm I'm a cursed black cat I'm an albatross I'm a mirror broken Sad to say I'm your bad luck charm

Qrow causes bad luck around himself. Because of this, he sees himself as a curse.

However, this conflict Qrow has with his semblance is actually symbolic of a turmoil developed on multiple levels.

Let’s begin with this:

Raven: You're the one who left. The tribe raised us, and you turned your back on them.

Qrow: They were killers and thieves.

Raven: They were your family.

Qrow: You have a very skewed perception of that word.

Qrow was born in a tribe of bandits and was taught how to kill and steal. Finally he was sent to a hunter academy, so that he could learn how to kill his classmates in the near future.

Qrow’s semblance is nothing, but the manifestation of his self-hate, that was probably partly caused by the environment he was born in. In a sense, it is his symbolical response to his childhood.

Let’s highlight that this response is very different from Raven’s. This is shown by their opposite behaviours toward their tribe. Qrow leaves it, while Raven goes back to it.

This difference can also be conveyed by how both Raven and Qrow share a specific motif, but embody it in different ways.

Both twins are associated with bad luck. Both can turn into ravens/crows, which are birds linked to misfortune. Moreover, their weapons are called respectively Omen (Raven’s) and Harbinger (Qrow’s).

The meaning is clear. The twins were born and raised with the idea that they should be symbols of violence and bad luck for their enemies. It is just that Raven wants to be a bad omen because it makes her feel strong. Qrow does not want it, but thinks he is:

I'm a harbinger, I cannot lie, I will change the color of your life.

It is to try and free himself from this curse that Qrow started working for Ozpin. He literally becomes the Scarecrow of the story to try and exorcise the bad fortune he brings. He is trying to scare the crows away. He thinks that if he does so, he’ll become a full person.

This ties with the original story of his allusion. In The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, the Scarecrow wants a brain because he is told by an old crow he would be just like a real man, if only he had one. In short, the Scarecrow wants a brain to become a real man, so that he can scare crows better than he already does.

Qrow too wants to be a full person, but he believes he is not. He thinks he is cursed and as a reaction to this he has attached himself to Ozpin and to his cause:

Qrow: No one wanted me... I was cursed... I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world... I thought I was finally doing some good...

This is why he reacts so badly when he discovers that Ozpin (who is basically a father figure for Qrow) has hidden so many things from him. Not only that, but he feels that the impossibility of truly defeating Salem (of truly defeating evilness) makes his life meaningless.

The point is of course that this is not the case and that Qrow does not need to do anything specific to be a true person and to be loved:

Qrow: Every choice I've ever made has led me here, and I've dragged you along with me. Oz, myself, the others... We're responsible for the mess the world's in now. I shouldn't have come, shouldn't have let any of you come... What was I thinking?!

Ruby: We're all in this together, and we're all going to do the best we can. That's all anyone can do. And I know it's what you've always aimed for. We would've come whether or not you'd let us, so stop talking like we're your responsibility! We're not! But we could still use Qrow Branwen on our side.

Ruby’s confrontation with Qrow at the end of volume 6 is basically the opposite of Yang’s confrontation with Raven in the finale of volume 5.

Yang calls Raven out because she refuses her responsibilities. She pushes them on others and leaves her own daughter to fight a battle she ran away from.

Ruby calls Qrow out on taking too much responsibility on himself. The kids were not forced by him to come. Qrow should not be completely responsible for them, but should learn to fight by their side.

Later on, Qrow is basically told the same by Maria:

Maria: You weren't half bad yourself today, Qrow.

Qrow: I feel like they did all the heavy lifting.

Maria: But you were there to help when they asked for it, and you were there to catch them when they fell. Literally, if I recall.

This is important because Maria appears just after Ozpin (aka Qrow’s mentor and guide) disappears. She is the person Qrow aspired to be:

Qrow: You never used your name, never showed your face. Lots of us thought you were just layin' low. Eventually, we just came to accept that you were probably dead. But the stories about you, I based my weapon off of yours. I wanted to be as good as the Grimm Reaper.

At the same time, Maria too, like him, considers herself a failure:

Maria: Well, I'm nothing but a disappointment, so you're well on your way.

However, at the end of the volume both Maria and Qrow realize that they do not have to save the world by themselves or to be invincible heroes. They just need to be there for their loved ones and the new generations. In short, Maria mentors Qrow on how to be a proper mentor.

And it turns out that he just has to take better care of himself:

In short, Qrow became the Scarecrow to scare crows, but ironically all he needs to do is to overcome his own fear of one Qrow.

If he does not, his semblance is bound to become a self-fulfilling prophecy, as it is shown in his two fights against Tyrian (vol 4 and vol 7).

1) In volume 4 he manages to protect Ruby, but ends up injured and unable to help the kids for the rest of their journey. He goes from their protector to a wounded man they have to take care of.

Narratively, it happens because of this:

Ruby: This is a lot to take in, and it all sounds crazy, but... I'm willing to do whatever I can to help because I trust you. But why couldn't you trust me? Why couldn't you just travel with us, instead of this secrecy, and, and--

Qrow: Look, this has nothing to do with trust. I-- It's a long story, okay?

The whole fight between Tyrian and Qrow could have played out very differently if Qrow were better at communicating with his niece. He wanted her away from Tyrian and himself because of his semblance, but Ruby interpreted it as Qrow not trusting her.

2) In volume 7, the battle ends with Clover’s tragic death being framed on Qrow.

Why does it happen?

Clover: Sometimes the right decision is the hardest to make. I trust James with my life! I wanted to trust you.

Once again, the problem lies in a lack of trust.

Qrow and Clover genuinely like each other and have bonded. Still, they fail to trust each other in a key moment and make the worst possible choice.

This is true for both characters:

Clover: I enjoyed working with you, you know. Even with that endless cynicism of yours.

Qrow: I'm usually proven right.

Clover: We don't have to fight, friend.

Qrow: You don't know my friends. That's how it always goes.

Qrow: Why couldn't you just do the right thing instead of the thing you were told?

In a sense, the whole fight can be read as The Scorpion and the Frog. In the original fairy-tale, the point is that one can’t overcome their own nature. The scorpion will sting the frog even if it goes against its own survival. Here, it is the same for the characters. In order for things to go well, either Clover or Qrow should overcome their flaw, but they fail.

Clover is not able to let go of his loyalty for Ironwood, even if it is clear the orders he received are wrong.

Qrow goes back to his usual cynism and makes a pact with Tyrian:

Robyn: I’m sorry for what happened. It wasn’t your fault.

Qrow: It was, though. I made a deal with the darkness, and he paid the price. It was all happening so fast, but Clover wouldn’t let up. Could have worked together against Tyrian if Clover just... 

Tyrian is the poisonous scorpion, while both Qrow and Clover are two frogs, who are hurt by him. Ironically, the frog’s mistake in the story is to trust the scorpion, while the mistake of our two frogs is that they did not trust each other.

Still, why is it so narratively? To be more specific, why is that so when it comes to Qrow’s character?

The answer is here:

Qrow: But the thing that really stings? For the first time in a while I thought, maybe, maybe I could be around somebody - anybody - without my semblance making it… complicated. And now, it just feels like a childish dream. Gone... like everybody else.

Clover is narratively this:

Blake: You have to understand that all of you are looking for simple answers to a very complicated problem.

He is a very simple answer to a very complicated problem that has its roots in Qrow’s interiority. Qrow’s flaw, what goes in the way of his relationships and happiness, is not that he is unlucky, but that he feels unlucky.

He feels worthless and thinks of himself as bad for others. This is why he keeps his distance and refrains himself from growing close to people.

He blames it on his semblance and this is why he makes an exception for Clover. It is because he sees in the other’s ability an easy fix to his struggle.

Still, he is proven wrong because in the moment of truth, they fail to communicate and everything goes to hell.

This is not to say that Qrow and Clover’s relationship was bad or that Clover deserved to die. In-universe their bond had beautiful aspects and could have grown stronger. Moreover, Clover could have developed and left his flaw behind.

Still, narratively Clover serves a specific purpose and him dying is a part of said purpose.

Clover brings a superficial harmony to a situation and a group dynamic, which is actually not harmonic at all:

Clover: What would you guys do without me?

The Ace Ops are a group of individuals repressing their own feelings and identities for the sake of an unspecified greater good. They see the world in black and white, not because they are stupid, but because they refuse complexity:

Robyn: Yeah, because you don’t care about the truth. You just want someone to be mad at. Easier than taking an honest look at what side you’re on.

Winter: Penny. The general is making hard choices so we don't have to.

This fits with them being a group based on Aesops aka short stories with a very well defined and often simplicistic message.

In short, Clover is the one that keeps his group together. Once he is gone, his group starts deteriorating. All because they refuse to aknowledge their feelings:

Ren: That’s why you lost against Team RWBY. You, you try to fight how you feel about each other, so you’ll never truly work as a team.

Once he is gone, Qrow is similarly forced to grieve and self-reflect. Luckily, he is not alone:

Robyn is the opposite of Qrow in terms of symbolism.

Qrow is associated with crows and bad luck, while Robyn is linked to robins, which bring good fortune.

She is also a symbol of unity and hope (her emblem is basically Katniss’s symbol in the Hunger Games, after all):

Tyrian: Robyn Hill. For such a little bird, you have quite the impact around here! Bringing hope and a smile wherever you go! I find it…upsetting.

Despite this, Robyn too has suffered isolation, just like Qrow:

Robyn: Believe it or not, I know a little of what that’s like. When people are worried you’re gonna sniff out their secrets, they tend to push you away. It makes a real connection… difficult.

Qrow: I-- never thought of it that way.

Robyn’s line is important for two reasons.

a) It shows Qrow that he is not the only one who has met difficulties in life because of his semblance. His case is not unique.

b) It links to the idea that trusting others is difficult and it is not something that comes without dedication and work.

As a matter of fact Robyn’s semblance is specifically symbolic of trust. It is the power to detect lies through touch, so if you are going to work with her, it means you must be ready to trust and to be trusted:

This also ties figuratively with the act of shaking one’s hand as if to make a pact (an act of trust). If Raven’s power is about asymmetrical bonds, then Robyn’s is about mutual ones.

Robyn highlights that this creates problems for her because it is not easy for people to trust. Some can’t be trusted, while others do not trust Robyn won’t cross their boundaries.

However, this also means that the relationships Robyn manages to forge are strong bonds, where everything or almost everything is out in the open. This is the exact opposite kind of environment than the one realized through Clover’s good luck semblance. It is a harmony more difficult to reach, but it is a more stable and genuine one.

It is these kinds of bonds Qrow should aim to create. In order to do so, he must accept his semblance and his past as parts of themselves. Still, he should not let them define him. Not only that, but he should learn to trust others and their strengths:

Qrow: Ruby, stop!

Ruby: I need you to trust me.

Only in this way, Qrow can truly grow. The secret is that it was never about scaring the crows away, but to learn how to live with them.

HUGIN THAT RUNS AWAY AND MUNIN THAT MAKES EVERYONE WORRIED

Raven and Qrow’s issues can be synthesized by this quote:

"Hugin and Munin fly each day over the spacious earth. I fear for Hugin, that he come not back, yet more anxious am I for Munin."

Raven never comes back, while Qrow has his loved ones fear for him because of his self-destructive tendencies.

In order to overcome these flaws, they must grow in opposite directions.

Raven must realize that her survivalism is actually self-destructive. It makes her survive, but it negates her the chance of living. She must become more selfless and trustworthy to make it up for the unfair bonds she created.

Qrow must accept that his self-destructiveness is actually selfish and damaging to his loved ones. He must start to trust others’ strengths, so that he can be brave enough to live together with them, instead of looking at them from afar.

[bcdwhcre]

“Sacrifice” Reader x Adult Trio

Prompt: simply something were to happen on a mission w/ adult trio and one of you has to be the sacrifice.

Warnings: none just sad bc I’m sad

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• Hisoka:

You had begged Hisoka to let you come with him on this mission, it had been a while since the both of you worked together and he couldn’t deny that you two made a good team but the more time went on, the more he got over protective with you and letting you come with him was like him having to babysit and do the mission all at once and he couldn’t risk losing you, not under his supervision.

When you finally went on the mission, you realized how hard it actually was until it came down to one last option at the back of your head. You didn’t want to think about it, you couldn’t so you continued to get up and fight with everything you had in you. Hisoka was trying his hardest to keep his eyes on you while also battling the main boss behind the whole operation you two were trying to take down. Hisoka simply thought this would be a fun interesting battle that he could probably easily win but with you here, he had to make sure you were safe above all.

Minutes passed and you were on the ground heaving from how exshaunted and beaten down you were. Your body ached but your heart broke more when you took a glance at Hisoka and seen how hard he was trying- for you. You knew in that second you had to do what you were thinking about earlier. Sacrificing yourself for Hisoka’s safety. Your power that was held inside of you was a deadly weapon, he knew that but what he didn’t know was that the power you held all these years can easily kill you. You kept it locked away for as long as you could, your past with your powerful family was traumatizing and you refused to use the power your abusive father passed on to you but the look on Hisoka’s face, the look you’ve never seen before was fear.

In that moment, it clicked and you knew you had to use it for this and knew you had to keep him alive at all costs. You couldn’t care less about yourself or your own life but Hisoka, you cared for his more. You never knew you could love someone this much that it made your heart ache. You slowly stood up, wiping the blood mixed with tears off your face and had used everything in your power to grab onto the boss and held on as you took everything you had in you to absorb the both of you with the intense power, practically burning you both alive.

Hisoka got knocked down from the sudden explosion, his eyes wide and strands of hair rested over his bloody forehead. He ran over to where you were, his heart racing and panic filled his head. Once he had seen your body, he knew what you did for him. He kneeled down and scooped up your lifeless body, emotionless. He didn’t know what to feel or what to think, you were all he had left. He had pushed the small strands from your face, sighing as the tears threatened to fall from his eyes.

“Thank you, darling.” Was all he said, carrying you away from the scene and through the woods, bringing you back home.

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Chrollo:

Chrollo had known you for quite some time and once you joined the spiders, the relationship between you two had blossomed rather quickly. It was unexpected, you had only joined to get revenge on the spiders for stealing precious items from the small town you came from but the more you had talked to Chrollo, the more you realized how much in common you two had and after that it went all downhill.

Your judgment was clouded, the only thoughts left in your brain was of Chrollo and you disappeared from your town years ago to stay with him and be wherever he was but the chain user had gotten to him in ways you didn’t want to believe and the chain wrapped around his heart had prevented him from speaking to the spiders and that had broken you down heavily.

It’s been months since you seen or heard from him and it had sent you in a spiral of sadness and rage to the point where you had gotten into a murderous rampage throughout the city, ripping apart people and burning places to the ground. Feitan had tried his best to look after you but it was no use considering how powerful you truly were and he noticed that there was no hope to tame a wild animal without their alpha, it was pointless.

Chrollo finally got light of what you were doing and it had made his heart ache more and more until finally he decided to do what was needed to be done. To see you. He didn’t bothering caring about the rest of the spiders nor the judgment chain that wrapped around his heart, preventing him from seeing you but as broken as you both were, he wanted to make this sacrifice just to see your face one last time.

He had made the arrangements and made sure he had written letters out to everyone in the troupe and one especially for you before he made his way to the city you were in causing chaos. Once he stepped foot in the city, he was having second thoughts. Did he want to kill himself just to see your face one more time or should he wait until he could get the chain off, would you handle waiting for that long? He wasn’t too sure but his love for you was huge and deep, it was endless and he knew he had to see you and make you stop this madness.

His feet made their way around, trying to find the exact location you were staying at before settling inside and waiting for you. His hair hung over his face and the clothes he wore were just a plain t-shirt and jeans. He was nervous, his hands were actually sweaty for the first time since he first met you. Suddenly, the door opened up and he saw a glimpse of your face and his heart began to race. You both made eye contact and you didn’t think twice before clinging yourself onto him. The hug was tight, your chests pressed against each other before your lips had met.

He knew he had to speed up this process, he knew it was coming in a matter of minutes so he quickly pulled back and made sure to cup your cheeks to keep you in place.

“Listen to me, I don’t have much time. I couldn’t handle not seeing your face or not being able to touch you and I finally realized that my last breath should be with you. You’ve made me open my eyes and see the world in a much better light, for that I’m forever grateful and I want you to live a long happy life, even if it’s without me. Got it?” He had rushed everything out, wiping the tears that had slipped and rolled down your cheeks.

“Chrollo- why,” Suddenly his eyes went wide for a second, the chain stabbing him clean in the heart and the whole time he kept his eyes on you, never letting go and you had to catch him as he fell, gasping for breath as his last seconds were kept focused on you.

“I love you, don’t forget that.” He barely managed to speak before his heart stopped beating and the life drained from his eyes.

You had sat there, holding his lifeless body close to yours as you tried to gather your thoughts and take in what had just happened. He risked his life to see you and for some reason you couldn’t handle that or process it. You knew you couldn’t manage without him and he wanted you to try. You had thought about years ago to when you two first met and had much he’s changed you, definitely made you crazy but in ways you didn’t mind.

Questions flew around your mind, are you going to be fine without him? Look around the city and look at what you did for him being gone for a few months and now he’s- gone forever. You felt stupid, it was your fault he came here and the pain thag swelled up your heart was so painful that it could kill you. It took you hours of holding onto his body to finally come up with a conclusion. As much as you loved him, you didn’t bring yourself to read the full letter he wrote to you, most of it consisting of living on for him and leading the Troupe but deep down Chrollo knew while writing it that the end of this story would be similar to Romeo and Juliet, the both of you dead inside the hotel room and he also accepted that fate.

As you got up from the floor, picking up a knife from your jacket pocket that was on the bed, you made your way back to lay beside him. The ache in your heart grew and grew more as you laid there before finally you made a sacrifice and that was to be with Chrollo. You pushed the knife in your chest, the sharp objecting instantly hitting your heart and your eyes rolled to the side to take one more look at him before the life drained out of you.

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• Illumi:

Illumi was never the type to be openly affectionate or caring towards other people. It had actually taken him years to even begin to show you that side and openly admit to somewhat feeling a different way when he was around you.

He was a quiet but gentle soul, that’s what you thought anyway but on the outside he was very cold and mysterious and that’s what you liked about him and that’s what drew you in.

He was very good at his job to say the least, never messed up and never ruined anything, he always got the job done and went back home or went back to wherever you stayed at. This time it was different, he had pushed himself a little too far and put his trust into your hands and had let you come along with him to do a job, assassinate a big well known man.

Illumi had repeatedly told you to stay close and to not get into any trouble and he would do the job, you were basically just a puppy following behind him and kept yourself tight on his trail until you had turned your attention away from him for a second, just one and that’s all it took for you to get yourself caught up in a ugly situation.

The people had taken you in as hostage and tried to use you against Illumi but you knew better than to put your life into his hands, he would leave you if it had to come down to his life. As much as you never said it aloud or wanted to admit it, he was afraid of losing you and didn’t want to put you in any danger.

You had met eyes with his, the cold stare on his face was making it hard to tell if he had any real emotion and if he was actually upset at the situation you got caught in. Your brain had wondered endlessly and you knew that you would be dead and you’ll have to be dead for him to do his job right and get out of here without a scratch.

Your eyes glanced around, trying to pick up the courage to try to fight the guys that held you hostage and you ignored the endless screaming of them threatening to shoot you if you didn’t stop but, you didn’t stop. You kept going, pushing them more and more until the gunshot echoed throughout the building.

Illumi’s eyes stared at you, taking the chance to kill everyone in seconds while they were distracted with you but he was a little too late as he seen your body limp on the cold floor, the bullet killing you instantly.

Illumi was never the type to sacrifice his life for someone else or care for someone but when it came to you, the amount of warmth he felt when he was around you was something new. It was thrilling yet scary in his eyes but he couldn’t shake you off, even when he tried and tried- you always came back.

The emotionless stars upon his face had stayed still, a small frown forming as he stared at you not knowing what to do, what to say. He ruined this mission, maybe if he had trust his gut to not take you and leave you back then you would still be alive. Now he was back to being alone and cold. The feeling of warmth he never felt from anyone, not even his own parents, was swept away in an instant along with your life.

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