#fighting to get us the Chance to be friends. challenge myself to grow socially. learn to trust people again.

[void-tiger]

…I need to stop waiting for you to either apologize or ask for an explanation. Or send your own damn meme. I already know deep down it’s not going to happen. Even though you’ve acted outside my (actually low, negative) expectations before.

[lets-talk-spirituality]

Belonging

I have my Chiron (astrological element that indicates where there is a strong chance to heal wounds in this life) in 11th house Virgo and throughout my life I have had wounding around community and group belonging. When I moved to Hawai’i, this changed. It’s a cliche here that people move here and feel at home and part of community, but it truly does feel that way to me. Over the past few months, I have been going through relationship boot camp, learning basic relating skills and what friendship and showing up consistently looks like. I have healthier friends now and it’s requiring me to confront my lack of capacity for relationships, teaching me how to grow and expand and allow myself to care deeply about more people, to allow others to care and know me. It’s challenging at times trusting and confronting how I am perpetuating my own separateness and I have to fight through discomfort to reach the intimacy I want.

Lately I’ve been reflecting on belonging as it was always something I’ve craved. I feel I have it now but it still feels like it’s illusive and I’m reflecting on why that is.

Where does the feeling of not belonging come from?

Part of my lack of belonging is rooted in my inability to actually ground myself fully in the present, to take up space, to bring energy to the table and to connect. It takes energy to be present and I found myself being on my phone when I was with my friends. I’d crave having people around to be around them and checked out.

Why? Socializing feels very intense and scary to me because of these feelings I carry about not belonging. Every time I felt slightly awkward or rejected I retreated to the comfort and acceptance of my phone instead of sitting with the reality of relating (it is a weaving not a continuous stream). My friends weren’t rejecting me when they don’t respond. I only felt that because I already felt a lack of belonging inside. No one can make you feel what you don’t already have within you. Because in more confident moments when I do feel I belong, I see it for what it is. Just a moment in conversation.

Belonging and Enmeshment

I’m starting to reflect on what parts of me are parts I’m meant to save for myself and parts I can safely share with others. Because those pauses don’t always show rejection— they may show where I should create a boundary. When you grow up enmeshed you think people need to know everything, that everyone can and should be able to be everything to you. As you heal and understand capacity you learn that you can get your needs met with more people and that you don’t always need them met so deeply. You only craved that deepness to that level because you were taught to give everything of yourself. That is where the loop began. Your parents learned that same suffering. You were never meant to give everything to anyone. So when people didn’t toxically give all of themselves to you, you didn’t see it as them showing you boundaries you needed for yourself, you saw it as a rejection of your desire for closeness. You saw it as unequal give and take. You wondered why can’t they get as deep and close as I can, not why do I feel I have to get so deep to be loved, why do I feel I have to get so deep to feel safe. You didn’t see their ability to meter out intimacy so it can grow healthily as a strength, but as a painful proof that there were never seeds to begin with. What I’ve learned here is that so many of us mourn illusions we hold because we live in a world of mirrors. To be within a group and feel alone, it’s not because you are depressed and fucked up, it’s not because the group doesn’t like you or want you there unless they specifically said so, often it is because you are still learning the lines between self and other, and that’s okay. To feel alone can feel safe because you feel like a self, to feel fully one with a group can be scary and you can become lost to group think. There’s a balance. Isolation to stay a self and enmeshment to belong are two halves of the same coin, a lack of boundaries surrounding what makes you a separate self. Those boundaries are made of core beliefs, things you’ve made for yourself and grown for yourself. When you’re young you lack boundaries so often because your walls are so short you can’t see them. There’s still so much your building for yourself you can’t even see the reason to protect it. Can’t even see it’s worth yet.

Misdirection

What I’ve also realized is that the concept of belonging is misleading. Belonging doesn’t exist without “I”. Belonging refers to the container of connection and energy that comes about when many loved ones are gathered together. If you are somewhere it is because you belong there and you belong there until you feel it is time to leave. My friends here, island living has shown me this. When the group dissipates, that connection dissipates, because belonging is a feeling that the group creates together. Connecting isn’t effortless, it takes showing up. We act as if connecting should always be effortless but to connect deeply is effort. I’ve had beautiful camping experiences but they didnt miraculously happen. Each of us brought something to make the party memorable even if it ended up just being ourselves. To be inside of a group and feel you don’t belong is an illusion of separation.

My one friend will always ask “feeling the pull?” When we’re both kinda feeling like it’s time to leave somewhere and I love that idea. It’s not leaving as much as being pulled somewhere else. Leaving isn’t as much about not wanting to be somewhere as much as it’s about wanting to be somewhere else more or being needed somewhere else. Life is all about preferences and choices and none of it is personal. It’s taken me a long time to feel these things and understand these things.

Things only exist because they exist

The energy of feeling a lack of belonging within a group only exists because someone feels a lack of belonging. That’s what people mean by your energy creates your reality. I live in a magical place and have the privilege to see these things so clearly because I’m around highly sensitive people all the time and I can watch them react to energy. When you feel you don’t belong people pick up on that. They don’t “avoid” you because of it, they give you space because they know it’s intuitively part of your process and job to know you already belong and they are there waiting for you to join in with them. Your feeling of lack of belonging is your emotion to manage. They are allowing you to see where you are blocking your own self from fully showing up with them. This space to reflect is actually a gift and not a rejection. The idea of gate keeping doesn’t actually exist. That’s why I’ve been in “dangerous” places and been fine. I belonged there and no one messed with me. Why? Because I brought the energy of belonging with me

What we mistake as our own lack of belonging is really just the collective pieces of energy from each person in that group. Our rejected, lower vibrational things that we work to clear out come to groups with us. We come together to clear our collective wounds, we all bring it and lay it down and what you feel not belonging isn’t you, but the pieces of all of us we’ve outgrown. They don’t belong anymore which is why you feel relieved and good a lot of the times after you let loose with friends.

How could you ever need to belong when we are all one? To be is to be a part of

[evoanakin]

Twitter

I’ve been on twitter for so long, I tweet what I relate to. I tweet the past, the present and the future. I tweet what I don’t do and what I do. Basically my twitter is a scam, a fake and any other social media, not everything is real.

Started working out every day since Oct

Quit smoking on August

I read books on my free time

I drink moderately with friends

Started seeing other people since June

I work day and night since May

Deleted my instagram and facebook

I’ve stop doing hard drugs since April

My peace of mind is what I hold to dearly. I can’t be in a crowded place without getting anxiety of the thought of seeing someone I know close to her there. I keep my friends small and healthy. I want an environment with no one is drinking every weekend, smoking cigarettes and doing drugs. I don’t get triggered easily now and my therapist told me only 2 weeks ago that is our last session cos he said I don’t need anymore, I am doing better and been good. It meant so much to me finally I am slowly loving myself, learning. I’m changing my bad habits in to something good. My insecurities are slowly dying and every time I get a negative thought, I control myself. The best part is the discipline I put myself into, I really am hard on myself lately but thats the discipline I need, the love I need.

This is the growth that I always wanted for my life and now I am here, I look at the past with a smile. My friend told me that “now you can see how toxic you were with that person”. And I told her “that not true”. The thing is, I just didn’t do all of this, I learned so many thing about life, myself and other people. My choice are my own and I am owning up to it. There is no one responsible for my own action other than myself. If you excuse yourself every time you do something wrong or blame other people, where will that take me? My bad habits in the past are my own doing and what my future is now is my own doing. You don’t own to your mistakes. How can you learn from it then? I learned that I have no love for myself in a very very long time. I was loving someone else way too much that every time I show her my love, I hate myself for it and I blame her. Thats not love. I was being unfair and very blinded of what really love is. This “time” I have been given was given by her, herself. She said that “i want you to grow, to be better and then maybe we can grow together.”. But I grew alone and she grew with someone else. I know nothing about her but my connection to her is my prayers. I pray to go to send out my messages to her heart and mind. If she could see me know, she’d damn proud. Before I wanted to do this for her, that I am not the person she thinks of me but she irrelevant to present. I have accepted that no future may come again. So every time I do something amazing, like stop smoking I make my family so proud and my friends so proud and amaze that I amaze myself. And it felt so good. So I started to challenge myself and do things, they said I couldn’t. I started doing it for myself.

For now, I need to love myself to know what love really is cos I forgot parts of it.

She wanted us to grow together and find each other. But that didn’t happen, meanly because she didn’t give me a chance. But thats okay. I wish she could see me now, she would be so proud.

Though there are girl who I choose to ignore. I don’t want to get comfortable with that thought that someone can save me. I wanna fight alone. I wanna change alone. I wanna be better alone.

Cos thats how she left me, and thats how she will find me.

[johairadiniosblog]

My Highschool Life Journey!

GRADE 7

This was the year I transferred to the school of St. Martin de Porres Catholic School here in Norzagaray, Bulacan. At first, I was so nervous to meet new friends and to meet new people because of my trauma in my previous school. This school year really changed my life a hundred times better. I've met new friends, classmates, and I even encountered a lot of amazing people that turns out to be one of the most important people in my life. This year taught me a lot of lessons that I can cherish for the rest of my life. I experienced selling brownies so I would earn enough for my daily allowance. I experienced working after school to help my mom and my grandfather, and I experienced being loved by my friends and all the people around me.

This has been the greatest year for me to finally meet someone with who I can cherish my friendship, love, and support. She's been my best friend for the past 6 years and I am wholeheartedly grateful to have a friend like her in my life. I've never thought that I would be able to find a friend like her. She played a big part in my life. Her name is Phoemela Ricci Gachalian and I am proud to say that she is my only beb.

GRADE 8

This was my second year in St. Martin de Porres Catholic School. I am now comfortable talking and joining in random groups in our community especially on parish activities. I wanna share something. When we moved here in Norzagaray Bulacan, I observed that the people here are very fond in attending mass, processions and worshipping God as their daily routines every Sunday and even on weekdays. I was so amazed and while I observed their way of living, I also adapt it to myself. Moving here in Norzagaray really changed the way I lived and the way I communicate to people.

2nd year of being a junior Highschool student, I already have my own group of friends and we were four at that time. There was a new transfered student in our section when we were still on our grade 8 days. I remembered, I was the one who talked to her first and that was the start of our friendship. She joined our group and that is one of the best moments that I can remember this year.

One of the most memorable moments for me this year is when our adviser (Sir. Mark) conducted an activity that changed our lives more than that we expected. There are a lot of fights in our classroom that time and he wanted us to be fond of each other. He talked to our teachers way back then to ask permission if he can borrow their time so that we can do this activity on one whole day. Then all of them agreed. When the activity ended, I feel like relieved and my mind was refreshed for all the negative vibes and this is one of the best things that remembered before.

GRADE 9

In my third year here at my current school, I am now aware of my responsibilities, the path that I will take and my decisions in life. There are a lot of adjustments that I do in my previous years but now I am just learning to accept my faith and I also have a hard time catching up on some opportunities. I admit it wasn't easy because I have very low self-esteem. I can't express my self that much and I can't also speak up for my self at this point. I do doubt myself a couple of times. The fact that I can't even sing the national anthem in front of my schoolmates is a bummer. I am too ashamed and has no self-confidence but then I believed in myself that I can do anything that I wanted to do.

The first step that I did is I joined the campus ministry's student catechist here in our school, it is one of my gateways to gain more self-confidence and it does help me to improve my self-esteem. I enjoyed teaching younger students especially grades 1 and 2. I taught them kindness and respect for any religious beliefs. The second step that I did is that I always keep in mind the things that have helped me to move forward. And lastly, I consulted my friends and my family if they're noticing any changes in my behavior.

GRADE 10

This was my last year in junior highschool and I currently enjoying life at this point. To be honest, our friendship with my four other friends turns out to be separate each others ways in the middle of the school year and it was fine actually. Even though our friendship's bond are no longer be the same as before we still communicate and talk to each other. The only person that I spend most of my time talking to is Pom and our bond to each other seems to have grown so much. This has been our greatest years in our junior highschool days. I’ve keep a lot of memories during these days especially when I had the chance to become an honor student again after my deepest and darkest days. Thanks for my classmates that keeps on pushing me to review our lessons and helps me to show my potential. 

During these days, I no longer doubt myself if I can’t do it or it will end up in a chaotic way. I just taught to myself to believe that I can make it and if I fail I’ll grow as simple as that but in reality I still have an anxiety and I also fear rejections. I have a lots of limitations when it comes to my personality and potential. 

This is also the year when I gain trust from my parents again and it has been one of my grateful days of my life. As a matter of fact, I feel loved again the way I wanted to. It’s warm helped me to become the person who I am today and I guess life is like a wheel, sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down. On the end, you just need to enjoy the ride.

GRADE 11

From the past years of being a highschool student, this is the most wonderful and the best year that I can consider as one of my treasures in life and I will never get tired of reminiscing memories from this year. My circle of friends is one of the Lord’s greatest gift from heaven and I am grateful that they came into my life. I remembered, the day won't end without a smile on our faces, each day we’ve shared each other’s a smile, our stories, our fears and happiness. The time past by and I can still smell the freshness of each of their colognes. I feel so loved and precious by the people around me. I can’t express how lucky I was when I’m with them.

This year, I’ve grown and got better day by day. I don’t feel any negative energy within my body because of all the positivity and joy that my friends are giving me. I also focus on my studies even though I procrastinate a couple of times. I asked my parents if they notice the changes in my personality and they said I’m getting better. My environment is full of joy and I also feel motivated.

Being a grade 11 student is not easy, there are a lot of objectives that we need to accomplish and there are a lot of adjustments that need to go through but with the help of my family and friends, I passed those challenges that I need to face and I also thanked our Lord for his guidance.

It has been a great year for me and for my friends that has been lucky to go through the same happiness as I encountered. The joy gives us a lot of life lessons that we can share to everyone especially for those people who are in their deepest right now. 

GRADE 12

My last year as a highschool student and it will also be my last school year here in my current school. Our lives have changed a hundred times worst this year because of the pandemic and I admit I really had a hard time adjusting to my online classes. I feel worst because I procrastinate most of the time and I’ve lost my passion in playing musical instruments in this time of pandemic. That saddens me the most because I feel like I’m giving up my talent. Anyways, I’ll going to fix it and I’ll probably make time to develop my talent again after our graduation but now I need to focus on my priorities. This year gave me a lot of realizations and it also changed my perspectives in life. I’m a dreamer before and now I am more on logical and analytical thinking type of person. 

The pandemic gave me a lot of blessings too. One of them are my friends (Q.C.), although we’re not seeing each other everyday we still communicate using different social media sites. They are the ones that motivates me everyday and they are the ones that I can also consider as my most precious gifts in this time of pandemic.

This will also be one of my chaotic years in my entire life because before this year ends, me and my family have been covid-19 positive and it is a one of a kind experience that I can remember for the rest of my days. It has been a very hard year for our family. 

It is also a sad year for our fellow schoolmates and teachers when one of our teachers died. I hope he is in a good place now. This year gave us a lot of lessons that we can cherish forever. One of the most important lessons that I’ve learned is never get tired of praying and life is short so don’t waste your time on the things that don’t make you happy.

[recentanimenews]

INTERVIEW: Witch Hat Atelier's Creator on The Legend of Zelda, The Lord of the Rings' Influence

Kamome Shirahama's Witch Hat Atelier has spellbound readers ever since the series started in 2016. With exceptionally detailed art and storytelling, Shirahama has brought an incredible world to life to tell the story of Coco, a young girl who wants to be a witch. The series also earned enough acclaim to recently win the Eisner Award for Best U.S. Edition of International Material—Asia in July. Crunchyroll Germany's Social Media and PR Manager had a chance to speak with Shirahama to talk about just how long it takes to write and draw a chapter, watching a lot of Game of Thrones, their dreams for an anime adaptation and more! 

  Note: The following is translated from the original German. 
 
Your drawings invite the reader to dream. You take them on a journey through fascinating landscapes and show them, beautiful creatures. Where does all your creativity come from? 

  I love to travel and the places I visit and the people I meet inspire me. When drawing I like to combine elements of different places I saw with my own eyes. Each place has its own expression – like where plants grow, how the shadow falls, how the wind blows, how big the sky seems, and so on. It doesn’t matter where on earth I am; everything is interesting and a source of inspiration.  
 


You have mentioned before that the world of Harry Potter has influenced you. Are there any other fantasy works that have played a role in your creative process? 


Of course, there are many works that influenced me. I practically devoured The Lord of the Rings, The Chronicles of Narnia and The Never Ending Story, and watched the corresponding movies as well. During my studies, I also learned about the works of the French comic artist Moebius that knocked me off my feet. And recently I’m downright addicted to Game of Thrones and watch it all the time while working.




As a child, I read many works of Japanese fantasy, like Record of Lodoss War or The Knights of Alfheim. I’ve never been much of a gamer, but worlds like the ones in Tactics Ogre or The Legend of Zelda did put me under their spell. 
  

Image via Kodansha Comics

  We found that in Volumes 4 and 5 of Witch Hat Atelier your series gradually becomes a little darker. Can we expect more storylines with a darker tone in future chapters? 


I’ve been writing Witch Hat Atelier as a serious story from the very beginning, but since Coco has to face more challenges it probably seems like it gets darker now. Even though Coco and her friends now have to go through many trials and serious things are developing — there is more to it. I also want to draw the entertaining cultural aspects of the world and the positive evolving relationships between the characters and hope that the readers enjoy them as much as I do.  
 

Can you tell us about your workflow? How much time do you spend on research, how much on drawing, how much on plotting?

  

I draw one chapter each month. After a briefing with my editor, I need about a week for the scribbles and for the complete manga chapter about ten days to two weeks. 


Would you like Witch Hat to be adapted into an anime? Have there been any approaches by anime studios already?



  I’ve been dreaming of having my own anime since I was a child, so of course, I would be overjoyed. I would love to see Coco and company in movement. 

    【NEWS!!】"Witch Hat Atelier" won the Best U.S. Edition of International Material-Asia at #EisnerAward. This is the same award as "Cat in the Louvre" by Taiyo Matsumoto. This is thanks to everyone who loved and supported my work. Thank you! #WitchHatAtelier #Δ帽子 #ComiConAtHome https://t.co/XtHjuWCVI6

— とんがり帽子のアトリエ7巻発売中????白浜鴎 (@shirahamakamome) July 25, 2020

  For which parts of your work process do you prefer to work in a team? And which things do you prefer doing on your own?

  

After the briefing with my editor, I work on the plot and the scribbles alone. For the final artwork, I have assistants for backgrounds, speed lines, and screentone that support me.  
  

What qualifies an idea to be incorporated into your story? Does it need to excite you or make you think? How do you select the ideas that end up being Witch Hat Atilier?

  
It’s important to me not to support stereotypes. Coco may be a young girl, but I make sure not to dismiss something just because she is a girl or a child. It still happens far too often subconsciously, and I hope to learn from it every day so that I notice these things sooner. 

  
Image via Kodansha Comics

  All of your characters grow through their own effort but also because they discuss and share their challenges with others around them. Is this mode of development something you take from your own experience? 


I studied at a design college where we had to do many group tasks. These experiences left an impact on me: To tackle difficult tasks with a group of people that all have different strengths. If you combine ideas, you can find solutions you never would have figured out on your own. From my own experience, I would say that you achieve better results when you work with others and share ideas than if you fight each other and the only thing that matters is who gets first to the top.   
 You are very active on social media, notably Twitter and Instagram, where you post your sketches of both Atelier and Comics that you love and also travel photos. What does this way of communication mean to you? 


I like it myself to see the work progress and posts of my favorite artists. Therefore, I post things myself and hope that my readers enjoy it as much as I do. Not to mention give me the messages and comments under my post much energy for work. I’m also always overjoyed to see when someone posts fan art or photos of my manga.  


  #Δ帽子 pic.twitter.com/qWXn2jLOu3

— とんがり帽子のアトリエ7巻発売中????白浜鴎 (@shirahamakamome) August 2, 2020

  Do you already have an ending for your story in mind? Or do you prefer to let your stories and characters grow like flowers in a garden instead of planning them out like an architect? 


I have a rough outline in my head, but I cannot tell yet if the story will actually develop like that. Even if you worked out your setting with all its rules, your characters sometimes act in unexpected ways and you have to adjust your story accordingly. I hope my readers are looking forward to upcoming developments.  
 

Do you have a message you would like to send to our readers? 


With the story of Witch Hat Atelier, I want to show that there is magic in everyone, the power to change the world. I hope that all my readers across the globe – even if they maybe haven’t noticed themselves yet that they are wizards – discover that they have this kind of energy inside them. Thank you very much for your support. I hope that you will continue to enjoy the story. 


We would like the German manga publisher Egmont for their cooperation in organizing this interview.

      René Kayser works as a Social Media and PR Manager for Crunchyroll Germany. He tweets under @kayserlein where he likes to annoy people to read the visual novel of Umineko When They Cry.

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[pokemonswshbutionlyplayedsword]

How about an AU where all the gym leaders +Hop, Marnie, Rose and Oleana 's personalities are completely reversed, like for example Milo turns into a savage and Bea turns into a human slaking.

That’s interesting. The Gym Challenge would probably be kind of unpleasant since the gym leaders would go from being kind of encouraging to rude and dismissive. This turned into a backwards bizarre world where everyone’s angry and evil. Also, I added Bede, even though you didn’t ask. I made myself sad with the misery that’s around this world.

Milo would be pretty lazy and not care about his farm at all. He’d be mean and selfish as well. Probably a healthy dose of hatred for pokemon as well. There’s a chance he’s only a gym leader for money or fame. He’s not humble at all, either.

Nessa’s confidence vanishes completely. She often wears clothes too large for her to cover her body up. She’s quiet and softspoken, and she’ll avoid people as much as possible. She’s probably only a gym leader because she has to be. She doesn’t like attention at all.

Kabu is ignorant and irresponsible. He’s reckless and careless. He disregards the challengers, and rarely takes them seriously. He doesn’t take his gym very seriously, and whatever happens, happens. He doesn’t care about the fate of his gym, and literally anyone who asks can be a gym trainer. He’s got no standards.

Bea is lazy and doesn’t care about her training. She became a gym leader because she was a prodigy from the start, and now she just thinks she’s the greatest. She disregards all of her responsibilities, and mostly just sits around. She watches tv and eats snacks all day, and she doesn’t care at all to meet new people. She’ll tell her fans to leave her alone pretty often.

Allister is a brat, plain and simple. He’ll say what he wants, when he wants, and he gets everything he wants no matter what. As soon as he hears the word “no” he throws a tantrum, because he’s a gym leader, so he should get everything. He disregards everyone who wants to meet them, and his advice to everyone is “don’t try, I’m a prodigy, and you can’t keep up with me.”

Opal doesn’t care about her gym. She handed it off years ago to some kid that showed “promise.” She doesn’t care about anything anymore. She stays in her house or goes to plays. She’s just a wicked old lady who uses her age to act entitled. She’s also ignorant about most things and whenever she talks the majority of it is just shit she made up to sound smart.

Gordie has no care at all about how people see him, and he doesn’t care about his fans either. He avoids them at any cost because his time and training are more important. He wants to be better than his mother, and he might have chosen to be a rock type trainer because he hates Melony. Their fight is over who gets to have control over the gym.

Melony is not a good mother. She is self absorbed and does things selfishly. She likes the fame and fortune of being a gym leader. She’s mad at Gordie, borderline hates him for betraying her and being a rock type trainer. And now he’s trying to steal the gym from her? The way she sees it, Gordie’s not her son anymore.

Piers is two sided, normally, so he’s be very flat and lack any sort of personality if it was swapped. He pretends to have quirks and personalities so people will like him and give him what he wants, but at home, he lacks any sort of interests. He’s pretty bland, and he’s exactly what he looks like, prickly and aggressive. He doesn’t get close to anyone, not even Marnie. He keeps to himself and doesn’t care about anyone else. His hobbies are absolutely zero, he’s just kind of existing. No feelings, heart empty. He also lacks any standards and will do whatever it takes to win a pokemon battle, including dynamax if he has the chance. Spikemuth fell to pieces long before Piers was gym leader, so he gave up on saving it. He’s only a gym leader because it’s he best source of income in the dump that Spikemuth became. It’s pretty much a landfill that poor people live in.

Raihan is shy and hides away from people. He runs away from fans when they recognize him, and he hardly touches social media because he’s scared. He doesn’t do any reading in his isolation, either, he just watches the pokemon version of youtube all day and trains somewhere where people can’t bother him. He hates being around the other gym leaders because he doesn’t care for them at all. He just wants his paycheck and his time alone at home.

Leon is boastful and has a serious superiority complex. He thinks he’s above the rest of Galar, including what in canon he would consider friends and family. He doesn’t associate with any “peasants” and he’s not afraid to tell off Rose or any associates. He thinks he’s right all the time and the world owes him their lives since he’s so skilled. He doesn’t bother with Hop, either, since he’s insulted that Hop thinks he can beat him.

Hop is angry and cold to everyone. It probably has something to do with his brother’s behavior, but he leaves no room for fun and games and works himself half to death. His only goal, really, is to rise to the top and crush everyone beneath him. Nobody is worth his time, and he has no interest in his growing fan base. He’ll get angry and ruse with anyone that interrupts him while he’s working, which he always is.

Marnie in canon hides a kind and loving personality behind a cold and serious exterior. So she’s now a cruel and vicious girl who hides her darker side behind a sweet facade. She can be manipulative and cunning, and will do anything to get what she wants. She learned it from watching Piers, from afar, since they’re not close at all. She wants to be powerful so she can take over Spikemuth Gym. She wants to snatch it from Piers and show him up so everyone can see how great she is. Of course, being the next champion would be even better. She wants to leave her shithole of a home in Spikemuth far behind if she can.

Bede is one of the only kind people in this backwards world. He’s just trying to be a good trainer, and thinks that his best chance is to be good and kind. He’s kind, but he’s not stupid, and no one can make him do anything he doesn’t want to. He’s got strong morals and will stick to them no matter what. He never gets to take over Ballonlea Gym because Opal handed it off a long time ago, so he’s trying to just become a gym leader by being strong and hard working.

Rose is the classic fat cat corporate. It’s all about money for him. He’ll do whatever he can to spend as little money as possible and gain as much as possible. He doesn’t care about quality or the people. He uses Leon for his own selfish gain, and Leon goes with it because he also benefits. Rose doesn’t care about Galar, he’s ruined the environment and the economy. Spikemuth is in even worse condition than in canon because it doesn’t profit. It’s basically a bunch of shacks in a pile of rubble.

Oleana worries about what Rose is doing. She can see people struggling. She sees the misery around Galar because all the gym leaders, the champion, and the chairman are awful. Everyone’s unhappy and that makes her sad. She’s kind to as many people as she can be, but people usually use it to walk all over her and exploit her kindness. She just wants to fix the damage that Rose and his lackeys have caused. And yes, the gym leaders and Leon are his lackeys. They’ll do whatever he says to get themselves ahead.

[rora-s]

The Derivative  Chapter 11: Prediction

Chapter 1 <- Chapter 10

My foot tapped repeatedly as I sat in a chair outside the principal's office. I had no idea why I had been called out of my english class to be here. Not that I was complaining about being taken out of a monotonous lecture on adjectives and adverbs. 

“Hey Abby” I looked up as the door opened and Mrs. Clive was there looking down at me. “Come on in” 

I grabbed my backpack and walked into the office, Clive closing the door behind me. Principal Brick was sitting behind his desk. I always thought his name fit his features with how square his head was. 

“Take a seat Abby” he offered, I nodded and sat down. Clive took the seat next to me. “I’ve heard a lot about you Ms. Calvin from Mrs. Clive here as well as your other teachers. Many of whom are concerned about certain behavioral issues you’ve shown since joining us here.” 

“If this is about that fight in the cafeteria I thought we had that sorted out I mean I didn’t cause it” I quickly defended myself sitting up in my seat. 

“We know Abby, that's not what we’re talking about” Clive reassured me. 

“Then what is it?” I asked, growing suspicious. 

Brick sat forward resting his hands on his desk. “To be completely honest with you Abby, originally we were led to believe by your social worker, a Mr. Grant, that your behavioral problems would be expected considering your history with the foster system and problematic past parent situation.” I shifted in my seat “however, Mrs. Clive has brought a different perspective onto the situation”

My head snapped to look at the teacher. She had a light smile on her face “I got into contact with a friend of mine Michelle Wiat she’s a principal at an elementary school it turned out you attended. She told me about the advanced courses she put you in College Algebra, Calculus. As well as your IQ testing she provided all the documentation as well” 

There was a moment where my brain was flustered hearing Ms. Wiat’s name again after so long. Then I finally collected my thoughts “so what does this mean? Are you finally putting me in advanced courses?” 

“Not exactly” Brick objected “we believe at this time that this school can no longer provide what you need to learn” 

“In other words we know you’re not thriving here” Clive cut in “so I’ve arranged here with Mr. Brick for you to possibly test out of high school” 

I was stunned at the news but felt excitement bubbling within me “serious like no more school?” 

“Part of it will require you to continue your education somewhere else such as college, university, or career center but you will no longer be attending high school” Brick explained. 

“This is awesome,” I cheered excitedly. 

“Don’t get too excited you’ll have to take a test to prove you’re capable and that’s only if your father approves all of this” Clive clarified. 

I felt my excitement hit a wall “my father?” 

“Yes we’ll be sending you home today with a note detailing everything and asking for a parent teacher conference to discuss any other issues that may come of this” Brick informed “since you are still a minor you can’t just make these decisions on your own” 

“Right” I murmured as Brick handed me a letter. 

“Don’t worry Abby this will all work out and then we’ll get to see what heights you’ll truly be able to reach” Clive reassured me with a hand on my shoulder. As I looked at the paper I didn’t feel as sure. 

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

3rd POV. 

Abby sat out in the hallway at school. She was reading Twelve Years a Slave. The nine year old had been kicked out of her 4th grade class for calling another kid an asshole after he broke her pencils. 

“Abigail” she looked up at the familiar disappointed voice of the principal. 

“Hello” the girl greeted. “Call me Abby” 

The principal, Mrs. Wiat, sighed and sat down next to the girl. “Whatcha reading?” 

“Twelve Years a Slave” Abby replied, showing the teacher the book cover. 

“Advanced book for someone your age” The principal voiced genuinely surprised. 

“It’s a good read but I feel bad for Solomon. He just wants to escape his captivity.” Abby voiced “he didn’t ask for any of his problems he just got dragged into it” 

“Do you relate to him?” The woman pressed sensing something. 

Abby shrugged and didn’t make eye contact. “Maybe a little” 

“Abby, you know calling people mean things is wrong” The principal explained. 

“But he broke my pencils,” the girl defended. 

“I understand but lashing out isn’t the answer” Mrs. Wiat kept her voice even as she spoke. “Abby, you've been fighting with other kids and not doing your homework. Is there something going on at home? Something you want to tell me?” 

The girl shook her head quickly “no nothing” 

“Okay” the principal nodded. “Then why don’t you do your homework?” 

“Because isn’t the point of homework to practice the stuff you learn in class?” The fourth grader asked. 

“That’s right,” the principal nodded. “Which is why you need to do it to learn.” 

“But I already know the stuff,” Abby objected. “I mean I get perfect scores on the tests so why do I have to do the homework?” 

The principal found herself speechless at the fourth graders logic. “Because it factors into your grade” 

“Well what's more important in school for me to learn or for me to get good grades?” The girl challenged. 

“Abby” the principal sighed. Then a thought came to her “I want to send a note home with you for your mother” the principal explained “I want to talk to her and get you in a more advanced program at least for your reading level maybe math also” 

“Does this program have homework?” Abby questioned. 

The principal chuckled lightly “Unfortunately Abby all of life has homework.”

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Abby POV. 

“What you think he’ll say no?” Charlie asked as he moved some papers around on the table. 

“I don’t know what he’s going to say,” I exclaimed, my chin resting on the table the note from my teachers in my hands. “That’s the part that bothers me.” 

“Well then I suppose the only way to resolve that would be to ask him” Charlie argued. I let out a breath in a huff. “Listen Abby, you've been arguing to learn more advanced curriculum since you got here and I’d wager even before then. This is a great chance for you. I’m sure Don will see that and let you test out okay?” 

“Yeah” I murmured. “Don’t tell him about this though I want to be the first one to talk to him” 

“My lips are sealed” the mathematician vowed as he typed on his laptop. 

A moment later Alan came in from the kitchen and I folded the note and stuffed it in my pocket. “Hey,” he greeted “Charlie whatcha working on there?” 

“Sabermetrics” Uncle C replied with a sigh “baseball math found on a dead man’s computer Don’s having me look at it for a case” 

“Oh” Alan murmured a little put off from the dead man fact. He walked up behind Charlie peering over his shoulder “What do these formulas tell you?” 

“The ones I’ve recovered indicate that the Dodgers are not on the right track to win the pennant next year” Charlie informed. 

“Like you needed math to figure that one out, huh?” Gramps muttered. 

Charlie chuckled “no” 

“I heard that, uh, Don was leaning towards the wife.” Alan voiced. 

“That’s right,” Charlie confirmed. 

“Seems to be the first place they look nowadays” Alan mused. 

“I don’t understand” Charlie agreed “I mean, if you hate the person you’re married to that much, get divorced.” 

“Even the thought of divorce holds its own special horrors, let me tell you” Alan sighed. 

“Well, you and mom never thought about- I mean, I was never witness to any kind of-” Charlie stammered as his father leaned on a chair. 

“That’s exactly the way we wanted it.”  Alan explained. Charlie shifted in his chair, eyes still fixed on Alan urging him to continue “well, it was a long time ago, we, um. We had a little rough patch there for a moment, but we got through it.” 

Charlie closed his laptop slowly and I looked between the two men wondering where this conversation was going “how rough a patch are we talking about?” Uncle C questioned. 

“It was when you were 13 years old,” Alan offered willingly “and you went off to Princeton.” 

“Mom came with me,” Charlie added. 

“The separation was pretty hard on both of us” Alan admitted “and aside from the money matters, there was this irrational jealousy. Anyway, even the possibility of divorce was never discussed, because we loved each other too much.” 

“I don’t remember any of it,” Charlie murmured. “I don’t even remember a raised voice between the two of you.” 

“That’s because your mother and I both agreed that we wouldn’t stress you or Don any more than we had to.” Alan explained sitting down. “Charlie that’s how parents argue in front of their children; they disguise the big things as little things.” 

Charlie was quiet for a moment looking at his work. I stood up and made to leave the room a churning feeling in my gut. “Abby you alright?” Alan called after me. 

“Yeah, yeah fine I just, homework” I lied horribly but Gramps didn’t seem to be questioning it and I didn’t really give him time to before I was bolting up the stairs. 

I collapsed on the bed in Don’s old room. Charlie going to college early had put a huge strain on his parents' lives. What kind of strain would I be putting on Don if I graduated early? In all my nagging why hadn’t I considered how this would affect Don. After everything my mom went through and sacrificed for me growing up was I really going to make my other parent sacrifice for me too? Let alone one I’d only known for less than a year? 

I groaned and grabbed the pillow covering my face. When did my life get so complicated? 

_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

3rd POV. 

Abby sat bored in yet another class at school. She glanced at the clock and sighed. Wondering how difficult it would be to slip out a side door during a passing block. The public library wasn’t too far from the school and it would be open at this time. 

Then her mom's words came back to her. She glanced around the class all of whom were still working on the algebra assignment she had already finished. How was she going to become friends with any of them? Most of them were upper middle class with well to do parents. Nice clothes, new backpacks, and cell phones. Abby wore thrift store clothes, had an old backpack that had seen better days, and never had a cell phone in her life. 

The bell rang jogging her from her thoughts. Gathering her things Abby headed out into the hallway. Going to the freshman lockers to ditch her stuff from algebra and grab her English stuff. 

They were reading “Of Mice and Men” which she had already read years prior. She remembered every word and had told her teacher as much but the woman had still insisted that Abby bring her copy to class everyday. Despite the obvious redundancy. 

“Hey gutter kid” Abby heard the call and turned just in time to get hit in the face by someone’s backpack. “Oops looks like Miss smarty pants isn’t much of a quick thinker.” 

Abby recovered quickly and looked to see who had thrown the bag. She wasn’t surprised to see a gaggle of laughing popular kids not far off. She looked down at the back pack and reared punting it down the hall. 

She smirked broadly as one of the kids ducked and another got a face full as she had. 

“Why you little” One of the kids came at her, pinning her to the locker. She kicked out on reflex and before she knew it a fight had broken out in the hallway. 

When a teacher finally showed up and pulled them apart. Abby was shocked that he first turned to the kid who had started it. 

“What happened?” the teacher asked them. 

“She attacked me-“ 

“I did not you liar!” Abby objected loudly. 

“You be quiet” The teacher ordered her. 

“But I didn’t-“ 

“Come on I’m taking you to the office now” the teacher ordered. He grabbed Abby’s arm and led her down the hallway. 

Not long after she was sitting outside the principal's office. She could hear everything going on inside. 

“She has a history of ditching” the teacher, Mr. Simons, was saying. “And now she’s picking fights.” 

“Abby skips because she isn’t learning anything in her classes if you put her in the advanced class-“ 

“That girl shouldn’t even be in regular classes,” Simons objected. “And don’t act like she’s some genius from the look of her I’d say she skips to go out drinking and do drugs-“ 

“Don’t you dare talk about my daughter like that!” Janice yelled. 

“Settle down both of you and Simons sit the hell down” the principal suddenly snapped. Then continued in a quieter but not any less tense tone “What exactly did Chris say happened?” 

“That she attacked him in the hallway” Simons stated “unprovoked” 

“Alright and what did Abby-“ 

“Why do you need any more convincing? It’s obvious what happened! What are you going to trust the word of some delinquent that can’t be bothered to show up to class or the straight A quarterback.” 

“My daughter is no liar!” Janice exclaimed. “She doesn’t go to class because she already knows everything that’s being taught cuz you refuse to put her in the advanced classes” 

“Do you really think a girl with elementary school education like Swiss cheese is actually going to make it in an advanced class?” Simons scoffed arrogantly. 

“She can remember everything that she’s ever read perfectly just ask her” Janice shot back. 

“Will you two stop!” The principal exclaimed and sighed. “I’m putting both students involved on temporary suspension” 

“What!” Simons exclaimed. The office descended into loud bouts of indiscernible yelling. Abby closed her eyes and tuned them and the world out the best she could. 

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_

“You alright?” Charlie asked hesitantly as him and Don left the Lorman group headquarters. 

“Yeah” Don murmured “It’s just all this stuff about predicting human potential I can’t help thinking about how it’d impact Abby you know?” he explained as the pair loaded into his SUV. “I mean she doesn’t really talk about it but I got enough from her social worker to know that her and Janice lived in some not great neighborhoods growing up.” 

“And this predictive model would have slighted against her despite her potential” Charlie inferred. 

“Exactly I mean she’s incredibly smart” Don explained “and I’ve been trying to go to bat with her regarding these advanced courses and stuff. Like, you were already in college at her age and she’s that same kind of smart. I just want her to have all the opportunities she deserves.” 

Charlie chuckled slightly “you know this side of you Abby brings out it- its kinda weird” 

“Yeah? Good weird or bad weird?” Don inquired. 

“Definitely good weird” Charlie assured. 

Don sighed “I guess I finally just understand what Mom and Dad meant when they said they wanted the world for us, you know. And that’s what I want for Abby” Don explained and Charlie smiled working very hard to keep his mouth shut about Abby’s letter from her teachers. 

_____________

Don glanced up at Abby as she ate her fries, her eyes scanning over the book she had laying on the table. They were eating dinner in their apartment now that he was back from the long case he’d just worked. The man took a deep breath deciding he had given her enough time “so I talked to Ms. Clive today and set up the time for the parent/teacher conference” 

Abby’s head snapped up so fast he was a little concerned “how did you? Did she tell you? Uh…” she fumbled over her words. 

Don scoffed setting down his burger “Abby, first off my job is to figure things out second off if you want a secret kept your uncle is the last person you should tell” Abby groaned putting her head in her hands and muttering a curse word or two towards Charlie. Don chuckled lightly “the only thing I don’t get is why you didn’t tell me. I mean, this is what you’ve been after forever I thought you would have jumped at it” 

“I was and I am… excited” Abby replied carefully biting her lip nervously which made Don shift in his seat. “It’s just… I know me going to college early is a big deal and it’s going to change things for me a- and for you and I didn’t want to make your life harder than I already had” 

Don was surprised by the confession and even more concerned as his daughter refused to make eye contact with him. He thought about what to say and only one thing came to mind “Abby I want the world for you” he told her. 

The girl looked up in surprise, her eyes meeting her father’s “what?”

“Listen I don’t care if this is going to change some things. Because I’m here for you” Don explained “Listen, I appreciate the concern but it’s the parents job to worry about the kid not the other way around or at least not until I’m old and gray” a small smile spread on Abby’s face. 

“Thanks Don” Abby told him. 

“Yeah, of course” Don nodded and he could tell Abby felt a lot better. Not just from this situation but it was like another wall had fallen down, chain had been released. And for him it was like another puzzle had been solved, another crisis averted. For both another step toward being family. 

Chapter 12 -> 

[haleviyah]

I just want to be clear ^^;

For future reference, and the fact I keep being asked about this, I am NOT a Christian.

I have not been to church in years, I have even been ousted by Christians over the littlest and most ridiculous reasons that occurred before I even published “Rose of Sharon”. I was policed and harassed by these said people online, and it resulted me to be disbanded from them not just for my safety and well-being but also for their’s as well…

Long story short, we don’t get along. I tried (emphasis on TRIED) making bridges with them, which resulted in these sheep always knocking it down… Geez. Sound familiar?  

HOWEVER, I am a person growing in Biblical philosophy. The reason why I don’t (and even refuse to) share verses of the Bible on social media anymore is not because I don’t believe in it. It is simply because:

I need to, and would rather, fully understand what these verses are contextually saying FIRST, before sharing. It’s pointless of me repeating phrases I don’t understand.

Call me old fashioned, I prefer to walk before I talk now a days. I don’t speak verses unless I apply them personally first.

I treat the Bible like how I treat my marriage: privately. Just the fact that I read the Bible should never be paraded so I can look good to others. If you want to share verses, feel free to share, but don’t do it to portray as the good guy or that ego going to bite you in the ass.

I rather let people judge me by my character and not the labels I wear or what I so happen to post here. That’s all I ask. (Common sense, if a woman loves her man she’s faithful to him, same context should apply to what I am reading from the Bible...same damn context!) 

So, I’m not aChristian technically speaking. I came, I saw, but they saw me too, hated me and… I left. And again, I am biblically growing, does this mean I hate other people by default? Uh, Hell no.

I mean, what gives me the right to damn another person who has just as much potential as I do?

Unpopular opinion here, I’m a woman who took Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s words more seriously than “certain movements” that have been trending on social media for the past few month. I prefer to judge by the content of character. It’s effective and helps you find real friends in the world. 

I really don’t care if you’re gay, American, Asian, African, atheist, Catholic, Jew, or even physically/mentally injured, I really, really don’t care. What I care more about is the continuity of your character.

It’s simple: If I see your are open and willing to listen, then we’ll talk. However if I see you are apathetic and expect me to psychically know your philosophies/issues without clear, adequate explanations from you, then I won’t understand you. Or if you expect me to kowtow to you because you’re “x” label, we will have issues. 

On a side note let me also say this: I have made the mistakes like many others here. I have made unjust judgements (I mean, who hasn’t?) and I have started fights that I to this day do regret even if I did apologize for them. Bottom line, I have learned from those cringe worthy mistakes. And with that, I know what leads a person to see the world through “Black and White” or “Kingdom of Light and Kingdom of Darkness”. It’s called ‘ignorance’. That simple.

That very filter of division does drive you mad, and turns you into the exact devil you claim to be fighting against. Arguably, (based on experience) that kind of divided mentality never truly unifies people - doesn’t matter if you’re religious or not. Living like that doesn’t really give chance for Truth and what is consistent in this world to speak up and guide or correct you. As a matter of fact, that kind of philosophy doesn’t even encourage you to accept correction or rebuke maturely; which is extremely dangerous! This “my way or the highway; if you’re not with me you’re the devil” mentality is more disgusting than snuff films. I’ll be frank...

In recent years, I’ve learned that there are different shades of grey in the world, different hues of light. Some people are dim sparks and other’s are bright stars; but each flame tells a story wether it be of tragedy or triumph, we can learn regardless from each person. But I challenge those who view the world divided, how can you reach out and unify these sparks into a beautiful light show if you are too damn picky of favoring the brightest, whitest lights? You’re going to go blind like that. If you’re playing favoritism like this you’re not the wiseman, you’ve become the fool in that case.  

I’ve said it before, and I will say it again: Ignorance breathes fear, fear breathes hatred, and hatred breathes destruction. Fear cannot be cured by committing genocide on everything you hate, it can be cured by simply educating yourself. Empathizing others.

What does it mean to empathize? Empathy simply means the act of placing yourself into the shoes of another and seeing the world through their perspective while investigating why they act and think this way. This move demands absolute humility and being empty of your personal opinions. Or how Christian’s constantly preach of “Being dead to yourself”. Unlike sympathy which is usually moved by emotion and usually only rewarding one person, empathy is moved by genuine willingness to understand another. It helps give opportunity for both people to grow and become stronger individuals through each other’s understanding. To have a clear picture of it, Sherlock Holmes is great example of empathy (the original novels, not the recent tv show). Pretty cool if this is your first time hearing empathy, huh?

Unfortunately, this requirement of humility, self-disesteem, and sacrifice of personal opinions is exactly why people don’t like empathy. Because humility by nature has a habit of getting you out of your comfort zone; out of that safe space so you can can understand your true place. Empathy is very self-convicting, but that’s what makes it so powerful and unifying than just holding riots in the streets with signs.  

That’s a mere brush up, but I hope that’s enough.

But going back to explaining myself. I’ve learned too much in the past year alone to just bow the knee to the demands of just anyone. I’m NOT doing that because this year has made me bitter… No. I am honestly putting the foot down for the sake of the other person. If I bow the knee to them, that rewards any bitterness that is eating them up inside, and thus would blind each of us to what is honorable and just in this world. In short, it would just kill us.

I am not for treating a person according to their sins, but I’m rather for rebuking them according to the potential they have and what they stand for. Of course everyone has a choice to listen or not, but let mine be the just thing to do.  

Do unto others and you want others to do unto you. We know who recited that phrase, but He also said “You shall be condemned (or held accountable) to the words you speak (what you uphold/ or the philosophy you live by).”  

So, back to original statement. After reading all this, do I sound or act like a Christian? What defines one since there are so many variations out there anyway?

Everyone is welcome here on my blog. I’m not going to push anyone away just because you are different from me, but I’m not expecting everyone to love me. I can be blunt sometimes, but it’s better than me lying to people. I am not going to shove the Bible down your throat because simply I find that stupid and immature. If you don’t like me you don’t have to follow me, just don’t resort to emotional retorts... it’s not going to make me do anything. 

If you’re open to me, I’m open to you. If you’re closed up from me, I won’t force you to open up… But please…

PLEASE! Don’t expect me to understand you if you don’t explain yourself.

It’s all that simple.

[lappland-arctica]

Hello friends! And welcome to the beginning of my blog! I am both new to blogging and tumblr, but I'll figure out as I go.

This blog will be about me surviving high school or whatever you call it. I am currently 16 and have started a new school for the next grade. This is swedish school, so I don't know what if anybody will really understand what i'm saying.

Explaination I guess...

Anyways, I have chosen the Nature course. Other examples of courses are The music course, the building course, The electric course and the trafic course. All of the courses have a purpose of teaching the ground work for certain jobs and or to study further. The music course for musicians, singers and filmakers, The electric course for electricians, the traffic course for truck and tractor drivers and the nature course for scientists and doctors. All courses have ground subcourses that are obligatory, and the rest are course specific subcourses like, programming and driving.

I am not planning to become a doctor or anything, I just like biology. Biology is only in the first year in all the other courses, but in all 3 years in The Nature course. Biology is my favorate subject, and high school is free so. It is the hardest because it has so many sub-courses, and the math is 2 times the speed. I don't worry though since it's not what I came for.

Let's call The nature course "Natur" for efficiency for the future, since it's what I call it in swedish.

Explaination over!

Backstory:

I am not so dissapointed in my work from my last school since it was close to the best I could do. But that school was shit, and I mean it. The students were crazy and destroyed the whole experience (Not to mention bullies). And the teachers hated their jobs and were unqualified. It was one of the worst years of my life. It is what made me fall into depression the first time. And that didn't make me grow as a person or anything because of the struggle, it STOPPED me from growing and evolving. I don't want to talk about that school too much. Just know it's bad and that I am kot exaggerating.

Me:

I am a 16 year old lesbian from Lappland Sweden who wants to make a bettet life for herself. I consider myself a gamer, but don't often play games. I might be a weeb, but only watch anime now and then.

My big interests are Biology, filosophy(pessimistic and optimistic), art(as in art itself) and people(as in empathy)

I like to think life has no boundries and that you can do whatever you want with it. But I just don't know what that is yet. But it will be fun to explore.

I am bad at socializing and have had to rely on showing my true intentions if friendship to people in order to make friends. I am also very interested in how people work. How they feel and how they see the world.

Right now I also have a bullet journal I am planning to start on #bulletjournalgang #bujogang, so that should be interesting.

The story so far:

I have already started my year actually a couple weeks ago. Maybe it's better this way so people don't find out where my school lies.

Friends have been going meh. I have 2 friends since before in the class, and a couple I already know. And I kinda sorta made friends with some in my class, but it's hard to tell. Also the rest of the people in my class have become such great friends leaving me behind. I luckily got aquanted with a lot of people in my last school and always had someone to sit with at lunch. Some good friends too.

I am motivated to make this year work, and I want to be more productive. And it has been working! My energy used to be completely drained before I even got home most days, so I rarely had time for homework. I wasn't even taking care of myself propperly. How could I when everyday life was a torture? But now this school has barely drained much at all. There is also less homework, but more work though.

The teachers are great too. It's like they actualky enjoy their job, and the're excellent at it. Especially my math and bioligy teacher. Math was really hard for me before, but it was like this specific teacher was chosen just for Natur because of the higher stakes. And there is also a place in the school for anyone to study and get help from math, biology, history, society, chemistry and physics teachers. It's a great help. Let's call that place "Studytopia"

Not only that. But there is a cafe that sells nice food and snacks to eat when studying at Studytopia, Mmm mmm MMMM.

Math has been hard, but I pulled through with the help of Studytopia, my parents and my amazing math teacher. When I had the first test it felt like the first test I had actually been quite prepaired for.

Back to the people in the class though. They are all the "geniouses" that were the ones that actually used to study and get the best grades before. I was one of those that actually studied and put in work, but I was the least intelligent of them, and the only one that wasn't friends with the other "geniuoses". I may be considered a nerd by some, but I am really just a curious person. Natur is usually packed with these types of people. And they all want to be the best. Sometimes I can't help but feel bad for being the one lacking when it comes to group projects. Except biology though, where everyone is on my level. Still feel kinda bad about people surpassing my biggest interest since diapers. But i'll show them.

Luckily, the feeling of being less capable than the others in my class only fueles my desire to prove them wrong even more! Not that they have said anything. I feel like I am actually being challenged fairly I guess. Where I have a chance at least. Still, the more odds that are against me, THE MIRE I WANT TO FIGHT TO THE DEATH! what is this feeling!? I don't know, but it's awesome.

My goals

I wan't to...

be more fit and healthy

quit my long term addiction of overeating sugar

study ahead, and have my progress planned

be organized, keeping track of everything

tidy my room(it's a mess)

be less materialistic(wanting to own a lot of things or have a lot)

take music more seriously

make art(any form)

do the best I can

Work towards become the best version of myself

Learn more about what I wan't to do.

socialize more

learn how to socialize more

Be more with friends

The blog

I don't know when I will update or write. I don't wan't to do it once a week or every day. Maybe give me tios and suggestions?

[aboleth-eye]

Hello! Would you have any advice for new DMs/things you wish you had been told when you started DMing? I'd like to try it myself, but I've only ever been a player, and just figuring out where to start is a bit overwhelming! Thank you in advance!

Great Question!  Here are my Lessons Learned from when I ran a game for the first time!  

There are Four Lessons I wish I’d known when I got started:  Have Your Resources Handy, Start Small (3 Parts), Things Go Awry, and Have Fun Together!   ((This is going to be a very long post, so I’ll cap it a little less than halfway down))

1.)  Have Your Resources Handy!

If this is your first time running a Tabletop RPG system, even if you’ve been playing for years, HAVE THE BOOK(S), WEBSITE(S) AND/OR PDF(S) NEARBY!  I’m serious about this, guys!  Playing a game or watching someone else play is a totally different monster to running it!  

When you first declare to the group that you’d like to host a game, I recommend you read the rules over at least two or three times before hand–start with a deep read first to get it all in your head, and then you can choose to speed read once you’ve had some time to digest the rules.  

But even if reading ttrpgs is your thing, have the resources within easy reach.  Either have your laptop available with open tabs to any pdfs/scans of the game source material and any relevant websites (like standard reference document pages), and/or have a physical copy of the game book with you.  If you are running certain monsters or encounters, I also recommend you copy down any stats and information to a separate text document (on laptop or printed) so you won’t have to page through stuff during the game.

2A.) Start Small: The Setting

If this is your first time or fiftieth time running a tabletop roleplaying game, and you are running a new system for the first time, limit the scope of project to start.  Writing campaign and world settings can be very intense, and it is very easy to write something too specific and railroad people into your lore and world.

For instance, don’t create a massive world with a continent of named cities and landmarks!  Don’t plan out every inch of your world, or else it’ll turn into a “fill-in-the-blank exploration” story instead of an organic world you can change as your group learns and grows!

My first campaign started in a very specifically written city on the edge of a vast magical desert.  I planned out a timetable of events that would catapult the players into the “open-world”.  The players noticed this and didn’t appreciate it. 

Also, do not bog your players down with Lore!  I’ve gone into campaigns where you need to know information “for backstory”!  This is your first campaign, it’s good to know what to introduce and when!  A group of starting adventurers typically doesn’t need to know your world’s entire array of deities, pages and pages of history, and legends “that shaped the world”!  You can introduce these things at character creation IF THE PLAYERS ASK, and then slowly dish things out as the characters live in your world.

It’s also good to not ties yourself down to specific placement of towns, countries, cities, landmarks, etc.  Leave the map blank save for the starting area, and any broadly defined areas such as forests and mountains.  Once characters finish their first missions and adventures, they’ll explore!  With all the “white space” of your world, you can insert places and things as you journey with the group!  

One of my favorite encounters when I was very new to D&D was when we accidentally burned down a forest.  We were fighting a massive tiger with a pixie NPC in a forest, and the pixie just trapped everyone (tiger included) in entangling vines.  Our pyromancer in the party tried to set the beast on fire, and they rolled a critical failure.  

The beast was set on fire and died!  And so did the pixie!  And now there’s a raging forest fire we have to run from!  We get an oxcart running and we take shifts to outrun the magical fire–FOR THREE DAYS!  It was an incredibly tense situation, and it was fun to add “an entire forest” to the pyromancer player’s list of things they set on fire.

You know what would have made all that suck?  If the DM had decided: “Okay, you pass through this location which is a lich’s hideout and have to face that; then the next day you’ll have to ford a river with the tired oxes.  Finally, you’ll be passing through this county’s border…”  

We just burned down a placeholder  forest, and all the consequences that came with it came AFTER we were finally safe!  The DM didn’t bog us down with heavy lore and their maps during a tense situation; they kept the focus on the action at hand.

Prioritize the players’ story before your own!  That’s the lesson I want to make absolutely clear.  You aren’t telling your story with friends as the characters; the Dungeon Master/Game Master/Storyteller is the worldbuilder who tells the character groups’ story as they interact with the world.

2B) Start Small: The First Encounters

Another item I want to bring up is Do Not Start Your Campaign with a “Unique Encounter”!  Start your campaign setting with a simple task for the players to face.  Here are the kinds of challenges I mean: defeat a bunch of zombies in a graveyard for a reward, go into a mine full of bats to retrieve a homing beacon, follow a simple mystery to find a girl’s lost dog, etc.  The Players’ should be introduced to your world with something simple to follow–that way they can make their marks and introduce how they roleplay to the story.  

Do Not try something you’ve “never seen before”!  Don’t have the characters whisked off to another plane or world while they slept!  Don’t have the players face fifteen or so mooks at once during an ambush!  Don’t have your characters struggle to tread water or leap floating platforms while fighting a monster!  These kinds of encounters instantly put players on guard and feel railroaded!  Give them the chance to decide how they integrate themselves into the adventure.

My first campaign violated this rule.  When the players left the city to enter the desert, they were suddenly beset by 12 monstrous scorpions!  And me, in my ambitious tunnel-vision, thought it’d be interesting to have each scorpion have its own turn.  I rolled twelve Initiatives for the scorpions and it was a LONG combat when it clearly didn’t have to be.  

It all looked so good in my head, but when you get players involved you can tell how grueling and boring something like that could be.  I learned a lot that session.

That combat ended the campaign for me.  I decided to go back to the drawing board because that kind of thinking was not going to fly for me and my friends.

Instead, give your players a task that could easily be solved in one or two sessions!  Do not give your players “only one way” to solve this!  For instance, if your first challenge is to get past some guards, let the players come up with the solution themselves.  They might decide to fight the guards, use magic/science to teleport past them, go off on a side quest to become guards so they can infiltrate them, or even walk up and attempt to socialize with them.  You as the storyteller/DM merely narrate the results of whatever the characters do; just bridge the gaps and think of consequences from the players’ actions.

ALSO!  Have a time limit for your first session, or plan breaks for food/drink/stretching.  This activity of DMing can be very stressful, and you might need a break to take stock of what problems and choices occurred during play.  

2C.) Start Small: The Players

Have your players build starting or low-level characters (I typically start with 3rd level for D&D).  The low levels will mean most powergaming and gamebreaking attempts by certain types of players will be nipped in the bud right from the start.  It will also typically limit the powers and abilities of your group (so you won’t have to memorize or look up high-level stuff until much later).  

Another thing I highly recommend is that you are present during character creation!  Do not let people determine/roll character abilities and stats without you.  Either be physically present when dice get rolled and abilities get determined, or be present digitally in a chatroom, discord or roll20 when electronic character sheets get filled in!  

My first campaign I allowed one of the players to bring a character from a friend’s campaign into it.  The original DM ended the campaign; and even though I had played in that campaign alongside this character I had no clue what they could do.  This made things challenging because this character “suddenly” remembered they could fly–so I had to add aerial combat onto my plate during the first fight of the campaign.

It made the situation tense, especially with my bad early encounters (see the 12 Scorpions combat above).

3.) Things Go Awry

If you’ve come this far, there’s one last piece of advice I want to give you.  Your first campaign is gonna suck in one way or another.

I don’t mean that to be disheartening; I want you to think of it as a learning experience.  Whenever a person learns a new skill or engages in a new activity for the first time, it’s always gonna suck.  (Even if someone has a “natural talent”).  You as the DM/Storyteller are going to notice problems crop up left and right; especially if you don’t take the advice I offered above.  For instance, if you start learning to paint with a new medium or start a sport you’ve never tried; you need to practice with the tools and techniques you’ve prepared to see what works for your style of learning.  

Running a roleplaying game is a very unique mashup of activities.  There’s typically a math element you need to consider behind every action the players take.  You need to workout your improvisation skills to bridge connections and gaps your players make.  You need to get in front of a group of people (sometimes more or less experienced than you) and tell a story that keeps their attention.  It’s a stressful mix of being an improv actor, a storyteller and the physical laws of your world.

Hopefully your players will understand when things get crazy and overwhelming.  Gametime might come to a halt because you need to look up a specific rule or wording that you aren’t familiar with.  It’s okay.  Until you get to know how your game world runs with your players in it, it is totally fine to take a breath and think things through.  Oftentimes you can ask your players for help in making a determination or house-ruling.

Last note on this topic: Get Feedback!  At the end of the session, be bold and ask your players if they enjoyed the session, what they liked and what they didn’t like.  Feedback is how DMs get insight on how the game is playing out.  While you’re DMing, your mind is on a million different topics; let the players tell you how they felt during gameplay, so you know what made them feel good or bad on the other side of the curtain.

4.) Have Fun Together!

This is something that needs to be said, if I’m honest.  Running a game can be a stressful activity that “ruins” some things about it now that you are “behind the curtain”.  This is your first session, in what you hope to be a series of games where you and your friends make all sorts of memories.

However, some DMs get incredibly discouraged and no-nonsense when they run a game for their first few times.  That is understandable, especially if being the “mastermind” is a challenge you haven’t prepared for.  A few sessions in and you might find the game isn’t fun for you and/or your players.  That might be a sign that you need to take a break from hosting–use that time to think how you can make the game fun for everyone, or if this campaign just needs to be scrapped!

The priority of the DM is to bring people together.  If a game system, campaign concept or player actions aren’t making the group (you included) happy; it’s better to stop things and take stock before things go too far.  It is never fun to admit your game isn’t viable or enjoyable, but hopefully you’ll have new experience you can take with you the next time you try your game.  

And heck, if you find you prefer playing at this time, that’s fine!  Even if this attempt didn’t have the results you expected, there is nothing to stop you from trying again later if you wanted.  But now that you know how it is behind the curtain, you are naturally more observant to how your own DM/GM runs their games and you can learn from it.

Remember how good the game system/lore/etc made you feel!  It’s why you wanted to DM in the first place; you recognized you had a story you wanted to tell, and this ttrpg had the tools to bring it to life!  No matter what problems arise when you’re behind the curtain, the game should still bring you enjoyment whether you play or manage the game.  Do not give up on the game just because of one bad session or two!  

When I decided to end my campaign, it really was a painful decision.  I loved the world as it was in my mind, but I was not executing it well so that my players enjoyed it.  I got feedback after that terrible 12 Scorpions combat, and decided to take some time to think about everything.  Our group went back to our original DM, with other members trying to DM in that time; and honestly I didn’t DM until I started a small separate group months later.  

During that gap in DMing I digested what I liked and didn’t like about my campaign, and had more time to reflect on the rules.  I decided to take a few steps back and learn from my mistakes.  I still made mistakes the second and third times I DMed, I make mistakes even to this day.  

But at the heart of it all, I love games so much that I want to constantly make my stories and worlds even better, even to this day.

I take the struggles of DMing as learning experiences, rather than let them define me as a writer, storyteller and game master.  I use them as stepping stones so I don’t fall through the gaps again.  I may have started out with a bad first campaign, but I would never take those mistakes away.  

I hope these lessons were helpful!  I love D&D and tabletop roleplaying games so much, and love giving out advice on how to make the experience your own.  I hope this helps a lot of new people bring their stories to life!  Also, I hope I helped everyone’s expectations into the right state of mind.  

Good luck and happy gaming everyone!!  Much love!

– Aboleth-Eye

[dellebecque]

Looking for RP--Aden Dellebecque

In-game: Aden Dellebecque Alias: Aden Aubeaux Race: Miqo’te Seeker of the Sun (X tribe/C tribe) Profession: dragoon, scout/surveyor, hunter

History

Of the Sky

They came many generations ago, sisters and cousins, and the Tias and Keeper men they had met along the way, or if not the men then heavy with the children the wandering men had left them with.  Desperate to break out of their tribal life, full of youthful rage against their lot in life as mothers and hunters and little else, they struck out to find a new way. And find it they did--nothing could be more different than Ishgard.  They set about learning a new way, building a new life, one with dreams of comfort and riches rather than long hunts and far horizons, and even taking on new names: the Aubeaux family, one branch called themselves. In their children’s children no tribal outcast lingered: patriots born, through and through, and obsessed with the social climb as many of low status in Ishgard must become.  And one cage was fully traded for another.

Yet you may take the miqo’te out of the tribe, but you cannot beat the tribe out of him.  Daughters were raised in grace and manners, to catch eyes with their tamed exoticism and curry favor with silver tongues.  Sons had too much wandering blood, too much of the drive to fight for supremacy--which made them perfect candidates to go to war, to seek glory or knighthood in deed.  Sons die young in the Aubeaux family, ground up in the bloody crucible of endless war, and daughters inherit the legacy.

And Aden’s father might have too, if not for a wandering woman of the C tribe, a thief and ne’er-do-well who had been a mercenary for many years before finding employ on some secret errand in Ishgard.  What became of her remains a mystery, but her lover raised their son alone for a few years until he sent him away and disappeared himself.

Serenity

When someone delivered a young child to Nadine Dellebecque and Arild Brewster's farm in the Black Shroud, they knew the worst had befallen a dear friend from their mercenary days. Aden, a letter said his name was, and they took him in and raised him as their own.

Aden had a good life with his adoptive mothers, growing up safe and loved. But he paid too much mind to tales of their time as adventurers, and to Arild's beloved travelogues. He took a little too keenly to Nadine's self defense lessons. He remembered the gleam of his father's lance, even if he insisted he didn’t--he’d seen their disapproving looks when they caught him jumping from the hayloft with a pitchfork, and abandonment had made a naturally quiet, thoughtful child reticent.

But Aden hadn’t forgotten.  He grew up obsessed, asking at every opportunity when his mothers might let him join the lancers guild--because this was all that was left to him.  In pursuing the spear he could be with the father who had sent him away, in spirit if nothing else. Finally he proved a danger to himself if they denied him any longer, and Aden went to Gridania to pursue his heart’s desire.

From the Sky

In his time with the lancers guild Aden caught the eye of a semi-retired dragoon, Flynt Knoltross, who saw in him a shadow of his younger self and perhaps a chance to make things right.  He saw too a familiar face, finally putting truth to the secret Aden had carried for years--his father had been a dragoon, though he had disappeared before Flynt knew him well. Aden pursued his training at a punishing pace, obsession merely growing when the lance offered him a sense of purpose and belonging, a more tangible connection to the place of his birth.  Despite the prejudices of his countrymen Aden meant to prove his worth in the spear, never realizing he was repeating the cruel cycle his father had sent him away to break.

Prove himself he did during the end of the war--but politics forestalled his advancement proper to the ranks of the Knights Dragoon the day of.  He has instead been classified as a reservist, and done everything from scouting and surveying in dangerous territory, to diplomacy and leading reconnaissance teams during the Alliance offensive in Gyr Abania. 

Hooks

Must Love Chocobos

Aden grew up on a chocobo farm, and as such he’s an experienced rider and an expert in caring for them.  He loves chocobos, especially his rather possessive and ornery destrier, Keva. He occasionally returns to the farm to help his mothers as they’re getting on in years, and can be found there at times.  Whenever Keva is stabled somewhere that the grooms don’t already know him, Aden takes care of Keva himself, and it’s another situation that might be easy to encounter him in.

Knives and Lanterns

Aden is a member of the Wandering Tonberry hunt lodge, and when he’s not busy with his duties to Ishgard he’s often taking care of hunts for them or doing other work that needs doing.  He can be found in and around the lodge, or out in the field on hunts.  They’re his found family, and he’s very loyal.

Bookworm

Aden is well-read and consumes books at a rapid pace around the rest of his activities.  The only time he slows down is when he’s in a bookshop or a library, and he’ll easily lose track of time.

The Wanderer

Aden has wanderlust deep in his soul thanks to Arild’s travelogues, especially after an eye-opening moment on the Azim Steppe.  If there’s somewhere strange or wild to explore, he’ll be there.

For the Sky

Aden spends most of his time in service to Ishgard, and those who interact with military elements--particularly with dragoons, military intelligence, or certain sorts of politicians--might have a reason to know him.  Being a miqo’te makes him an excellent scout in locations where someone being visibly Ishgardian might be a problem, but it also leaves him open to the prejudices of his countrymen and makes deploying him on any mission of high visibility a political act.  Those who have benefited from his service have set events in motion that will soon lead to his promotion into the position and title he should have had for years now, and potentially something truly far-flung and dangerous For the Sky….

But for now he remains a dragoon in everything but name, and on familiar shores.

OOC

Playtime: Weekday evenings and weekend days, schedule RP ahead of time (I don’t do walkup unless I’m at an event).  Eastern US time.

FC: Wandering Tonberry Trading Co.

Server: Balmung

Looking for: Friends, adventuring partners, fellow Ishgardians, chocobo fanciers, nerds, travelers, rivals, and enemies.

Tips: Aden is quiet, reserved, and usually very polite.  He’s awkward, anxious, and has trouble speaking to strangers (unless he’s working--but how he got that way is a story all its own).  Persistence pays off, though what lies beneath is not entirely like what you see on the surface--Aden is driven, passionate, and full of a long-held, slow-burning anger.  He’s philosophical and intellectual but a violent adrenaline junkie at the same time. He’s spent a lot of time living inside his own head, observing the outside world and thinking, and a lot of time with his head shoved in a book or alone in the wilderness.  He has abandonment issues and struggles with depression and social anxiety. Rather than a fanatic or obedient loyalist, Aden is a warrior-philosopher.  He’ll follow orders, sometimes without question, but he’ll seriously challenge his superiors when it’s appropriate to do so.  He has a reputation for thinking too much, but still getting the job done. Slice of life isn’t really my thing unless the character is already established as a friend or ally of Aden’s, in which case, sure! I am deeply uninterested in quick romance or uncomplicated relationships.  If reading over all of this calls to you in that regard rather than as a friend, contact, or rival, we can talk, but be warned that I have an extremely low tolerance level for bullshit, and Aden is a complicated person who is not here to play house, and will not tolerate someone who cannot keep up with him in the field--whether that be by force of arms or force of aether is irrelevant.  He’s grey-ace and homosexual/homoromantic.  However, people who are down to get punched in the face for making an advance are always welcome--it could be the start of a beautiful friendship! I’m also very busy IRL, hence being forced to schedule RP in advance.  I have a full time job that sometimes requires overtime, a loving partner I’ve been with for 15 years, a house to take care of, two D&D games, part-time work on a friend’s farm, a HUGE extended family, and am an avid outdoorsman.  There’s a lot to squeeze in there! If we start RPing, please be patient with me. I will do out of game RP on a rare case by case basis.  It used to be my bread and butter, but I’ve discovered as I get busier I’m too unreliable and forcing more realistic expectations on myself as a result.

Contact: Aden Dellebecque or Merrick Lockwood in game; Stormcalled#5187 on discord; or my ask box!

[theliamatienza]

A Manifesto To My Experiences in 2019

This year has been a ride. I lost and gained a lot of things and I think, and I believe, that I somewhat changed my perspectives in life, and by that, I can say that I am growing as this mature 18 year-old guy hoping to grow more in 2020, because as students of life, we tend to believe that we know something when in fact, we know nothing, even ourselves, and that mystery makes life great for we are able to challenge ourselves—are we going to do it? Is it worth it? Does it make me great if I do this and that? These questions are the key questions that can help us in growing and will guide us upon growing.

First, I would like to address the things I have lost. The first thing I have lost in 2019 was my faith. 2019 began, and I was doubting everything, from myself, to the relationship I was in that time, that ended up ditching everything, and even though I know how hurtful it is to break someone’s heart, I thought that it’s for his benefit as well. A month after, I also lost two of my friends, where one of them I loved dearly, and romantically. I loved him so much that I let him get the best of me. I let him invalidate my thoughts, my art, and my life in general. These two friends of mine were a couple, and I have seen their drama since the very beginning, but instead of putting hatred towards the two of them, I still tried my very best to preserve their relationship, because I love the guy, and I wish him nothing but happiness. But love doesn’t work that way. They were killing each other’s souls, and because I was so stupid, and because I lost my faith, I almost killed mine. That is why once I got out of the bubble, I thought I could be a better person, but without faith I thought I could help myself, but turns out, I did things I didn’t know I could do, and those are not the things I would want to do. I have engaged in a relationship with someone who just used me to mend the pain he has gotten to his actual relationship. I knew I was into him that time, but I know how obscene it is to ruin a person’s life by wrecking his emotions. We all hate something, and at times, we become the things that we hate. I broke other people’s hearts, and so does my heart got broken.

In the future months, I entered college, and even though I have opened a chapter over which I looked forward for its goodness, turns out, not all friendships last. Up to this day, I still have questions as to whether they resorted into distance as a way of coping, but sometimes, questions are not made to be answered. Maybe it will just hurt me more if I heard their truth. We all have our visions of the truth, and sometimes, the things we thought are true aren’t true for them. I just learned that despite their judging, I know myself. This is where I learned that it is okay to lose people no matter what their reason is. At the end of the day, nothing will save me but myself. But without faith, you will go nowhere. Throughout the year, because of my downfalls, I had series of diseases, and that includes losing my tooth, and I felt that my deteriorating health is my wakeup call to be someone who is better. I knew I’m better than this. I realized that faith doesn’t have to be acquired to some group, or some religion, it’s all about accepting your flaws, your mistakes, and turning it into something great such as growing into an individual that everybody looks up to. And by that, my faith is something I should regain first in the beginning of 2020.

Albeit I lost my faith, my dignity, my friends, my passion, to name a few, I have gained a lot as well. Upon graduating high school, I have seen the smiles of my classmates, and told myself that they have a very bright future ahead of them. During that time, I was enduring the pain of losing people, and losing the chance to enter the university I wanted. I really felt as though I am the stupidest person on earth, but everything happens for a reason. I may not entered the University of the Philippines where I wished to take up either Political Science or Creative Writing, but I still got the course I wanted in the Polytechnic University of the Philippines—International Studies. I was scared, because I knew barely about the field, and I was so afraid because my social circle in my high school life wasn’t that great, though a few people stayed by my side, which I would cherish forever. I entered college, and I befriended a lot of people, and these people helped in shaping the way I am now. They helped me in opening my eyes to what is happening in our society, and by that, I can say that my eye is on my goal. It goes back to my childhood dream to be the President of the Philippines, and with my vision being open on different lenses, I am here to fight! I will fight for my dream in serving as an inspiration not only to my countrymen, but also to people of different races and backgrounds. This is to remind you all that all of you are valid, and once you have faith, and you fight for what you want, you will eventually attain your goal. Not now, but it will come. Now, I am thriving in my field, and I wish to further improve myself in different aspects because I am not here to be a one-trick pony.

Also during this year, I met my boyfriend, who I think is one of the most intelligent people I know. I may have emotional inconsistencies throughout our time as lovers, but he was there to understand me even when I don’t understand him. I must admit, I’m still improving and shaping myself from all the mishaps I have faced with a lot of guys this year and he knows that. One thing I learned from his is that communication is really a key to understand each other. There were a lot of tears that have fallen from our eyes, but that wouldn’t stop us from thriving. That wouldn’t stop us from loving each other unconditionally. I also like that we both have our goals, and we help each other in every step of the way, and I think that that trait is really helpful to people in relationships nowadays. He was there while I was losing people under my bubble, and I promise to be there for him as well.

This manifesto serves not only as my reflection but also my resolution. I am really not fond of this, but I know that I’m still improving, and is willing to improve, in order to attain the goals. First, I must know how to speak up, no matter how much I loathe it. I know how to listen into different perspectives. Second, I would like to be more open to my family. I grew up loathing both of my parents. I had a rough childhood, but that wouldn’t stop me from taking them as my inspirations in achieving my dreams for I know for a fact that they are actually proud of me, even though that is something I have been looking for years. I also promise to be more open, and to be more cordial with my circle because I knew that I was kind of a reckless person by nature. I still have a lot of things to change but I would figure that out some time next year.

I met and lost a lot of people in my life in 2019. I have committed mistakes. I achieved a lot of things. I hope that once the clock ticked at exactly 12 o’clock of January 1st, 2020, I would evolve as this person who is thriving for success. I would want to see Liam Atienza aiming for greatness, not for himself, not only for the people who helped him in achieving such greatness, but also the community he is willing to change. I hope that in 2020—and in the years to come—he would use such greatness not to overrule others, but to serve as an inspiration to others, in order to make this world a better place.

[loraineannesblog]

PERSONAL BLOGS

MY LIFE AS A SENIOR HIGH STUDENT

by : Lalyn De Torres

Students face many challenges with school, relationship, work and social interactions. Hi! my name is Lalyn, 17 years old from laguna and I'am a senior at Francisco P. Tolentino Integrated High School. Let me tell you that being a student is not always easy. We really dont know what is stress is and we are just wait it until we grow up. But we as teenage students have our own levels of stress. All school activities is telling us to uphold our grade point average to yhe high standards, we dedicate any time to it day and night. Many students in their highschool years start their job, have to attend school in the morning, followed by responsibilities needing to be taken care at home.

High school is a place where students like me are made fun inside the school. we experience lot of things inside and outside of the school. Each of us knoes how to accept these challenges, and just like this challenges, i choose faith.

I am now Grade 12 student. I have lots of memories to keep with my beloved classmate and also our beautiful teacher. I knew that being a senior high student is not easy i taught that it is just for fun with easy activities but i was wrong. We, the students will give our own grade so we have to take focus and pass all the projects that the teacher give to us because we are graduating student we have goal that our batch will march on our graduation day.

My mom always tells me to enjoy it while i'am with my classmates. I know that the world outside of school is often harsh and that the responsibilities are serious. That’s exactly why I know that the focus I give to my future is essential in helping me navigate my way into a career that will allow me to contribute to society and enjoy who and what I become.

I want to remind everyone, including myself, that in this moment, we are as old as we have ever been, and as young as we will be again. Live in the moment! So that’s what I am trying to do learning as I go, wearing faith as my armor and knowing that in God’s plan we are all students and teachers, too.

TAGAYTAY

by : Loraine Anne D. Sarmiento

Experience the cool breeze and be refresh at the place which is also known as the little baguio.

Besides being known for its cold breeze. Tagaytay is also known for its tourist attractions. The second summer capital of our country is indeed a perfect getaway to enjoy the different places that locals and even foreigners admire and appreciate. Tagaytay is situated in the province of Cavite. Tagaytay is one of the country's most popular tourist destinations because of its scenery and cooler climate. Tagaytay is well-loved for its highland setting, offering a sanctuary that is close to nature. It's no wonder that it has become a popular destination, not just for fast vacations, but for celebrations. Tagaytay looks wonderful and beautiful it is, there's so much places that you've got to see.

There is beautiful places or destinations that you have to see in Tagaytay which is :

People's Park in the Sky, where it is located at the highest point of Tagaytay.

Skyranch have rides, where you can ride vikings, ferris wheel, roller coaster and many more. It is best to go there with your friends.

Picnic Grove, where you can get quiet picnic on the grass and you can also ride in the zipline. It is best to go there with your family.

Tagaytay holds many happy memories with me and my family. Both my parents are from Cavite where Tagaytay is. Come and visit and you can enjoy it's breeze and open spaces. Tagaytay is my place since I was born. I’ve been to so many places, but Tagaytay is one of the most beautiful and perfect places for me. It is always a chance to relax with my beloved parents, even though my both parents have a job. We cherish each moment together and I am so happy because I can see the happiness in their faces. Because on the other day, they already have a job. I was amazed by the ambiance and the view especially when I saw the taal volcano, even the tourist.

The tourist or people who visit in Tagaytay are interact with this place. It was beautiful and fascinating. We always enjoy foods, when we eat outside.

That moment I realized how important time is and enjoy my place. Thank you to my loving parents, because they gave me birth here in Tagaytay. Tagaytay will be always memorable places with me. It was nice seeing a lot people enjoying the view and taking pictures, here in Tagaytay. I think everyone love watching the view taking pictures, eating delicious foods and buying some stuffs, because every tourist I see, they enjoy everything in Tagaytay. Everyone had a chance to explore and see beautiful places that only here in the Philippines. I always thank God for being there for us and not letting us down. He never failed to amazed me to things that I can never imagined.

10 HEALTHY TIPS TO LIVE LONGER

Eat always healthy foods

Base your diet on plenty of foods rich in carbohydrates

Replace saturated with unsaturated fat

Always eat fruits and vegetables

Reduce salt and sugar intake

Eat regularly, control the portion size

Always drink water

Maintain a healthy body weight

Exercise Everyday

And Timer Starts Now!

1. Eat always healthy foods

For good health, we need different nutrients, and no single food can supply them all. It is not about a single meal, it is about a balanced food choice over time that will make a difference.

2. Base your diet on plenty of foods rich in carbohydrates

About half the calories in our diet should come from foods rich in carbohydrates, such as cereals, rice, pasta, potatoes, and bread. It is a good idea to include at least one of these at every meal. Wholegrain foods, like wholegrain bread, pasta, and cereals, will increase our fibre intake.

3. Replace saturated with unsaturated fat

Fats are important for good health and proper functioning of the body. However, too much of it can negatively affect our weight and cardiovascular health.

4. Eating fruits and vegetable everyday

Fruit and vegetables are considered to be a key part of your daily diet. These have vitamins and minerals which can help keep you healthy. They are naturally good. They can also lead to defense from certain diseases. Eating more fruit and vegetables as part of a healthy, nutritious, balanced and daily diet. The food is a healthy part of the vegetables and fruits, and a healthy diet has as essential a variety as quantity. Any single fruit or vegetables provides the nutrients that you want to be healthy. Fruits and vegetables contain fiber that helps fill up your digestive system and keeps you healthy. Fruit and vegetables are filled with essential vitamins, minerals, fibers and the fight against diseases. Good nutrition, combined with physical activity, will help you achieve and maintain healthy weight, reducing the risk of chronic illnesses like heart and cancer and improving the health overall. Good diet is a key part of leading a healthy lifestyle.

5. Reduce salt and sugar intake

A high salt intake can result in high blood pressure, and increase the risk of cardiovascular disease.

6. Eat regularly

Eating a variety of foods, regularly, and in the right amounts is the best formula for a healthy diet.

7. Always drink water

Water is a natural gift offered to us by god. Drinking water regularly on a daily basis is the best way we can offer to our bodies. Some of us drink it when we are thirsty and some of us drink it when we are completely hydrated. Drinking water can be sure to help our skins healthier, more relaxed and more radiant. Our skins need lots of water to keep ourselves hydrated. So we need to ensure every day we drink enough water. In order to keep our skins healthy, we need to drink water about 8-10 glasses a day. Water is also can lose our weight. There is a suggestion that we should drink a lot of water when we are in a diet or exercise plan. Therefore, drinking water allows our bodies to remove the fat in their bodies and thus reduces our weight. We can be healthier by reducing our fat in our bodies, because some of the diseases caused by obesity will be avoided. When we're properly hydrated, circulation in our body will be good. Water will help us remain alert and focused. Therefore, to support our minds, we must stay hydrated. It keeps the mood healthy and active, if our minds are hydrated properly. People with lower drinks water sometimes feel bored. In the meantime, people who drink more water are very active. It also allows our bodies to reduce their body tiredness. Drinking water is a very important part for the health of our bodies. Not only human but all the species need water in order to survive.

8. Maintain a healthy body weight

The right weight for each us depends on factors like our gender, height, age, and genes. Being affected by obesity and overweight increases the risks of a wide range of diseases, including diabetes, heart diseases, and cancer.

9. Exercise everyday

Physical activity is important for people of all weight ranges and health conditions. It helps us burn off the extra calories, it is good for the heart and circulatory system, it maintains or increases our muscle mass, it helps us focus, and improves overall health well-being.

10. And Timer Start now!

Changes in our lifestyle are easier to maintain than major changes introduced all at once. For three days, we could write down the foods and drinks we consume throughout the day, and make a note of the amount of movement we made.

Loraine Anne D. Sarmiento

Lalyn De Torres

[caticornsrreal]

Fighting Dragons with You

After twelve years, I'm finally telling the internet why I love Taylor Swift🖤 

Hello, internet using world. I’d like to introduce myself to the few people who followed me. Hi! My name is Christa and I am a Taylor Swift fan with every fiber of my being. Full disclosure, this is a short novel so now is your chance to make an exit, but I hope you stay.

Taylor and my ridiculously furry cat, Lyle

(affectionately nicknamed “rent-free”), are the only two beings made of flesh and bone who have been consistent in my life for the last 12 years. With a close second being my son, Gauge, who just turned 10. I won’t get into the details (in this post) as to why that is, but let’s just say there were a lot of ups and downs growing up.

The last 12 years have been an evolution for Taylor,

and subsequently, for me. At (dare I say it) 

38 years old, I’ve found that a lot of things happen in a decade. Like, A LOT. Now, I don’t feel 38. I guess I owe that to humor, singing, dancing, sarcasm, and launching a successful career that didn’t exist 15 years ago —something that has made me always push harder to set new goals and stay humble. But one thing I didn’t do over these last 12 years that I deeply regret was starting a fan page for Taylor. I mean, ESPECIALLY since I’m a professional travel blogger who makes her full time living from digital content!

There’s been a lot of momentum over the last 12 years

—demands which left me with little to no free time. But I can’t blame my absence from the Swiftie family entirely on that. In fact, I’d have to say, I blame much of it on fear.

Fear,

of being misunderstood, fear of judgment or writing something lame. I’ve had over 2,000 articles published online and in print as well as countless social posts, but the thought of Taylor seeing something I wrote and thinking it’s totally weird (or cough, too long for the internet), well let’s just say I’d be less afraid of walking into a burning building.

Fear,

of being called a fake because the financial demands as a single mom left me little money to spend on myself or Taylor merchandise, much less tickets to a show. I’ve always placed my son’s needs before mine.

Fear,

that I was too old to be a Taylor Swift fan. I mean, I was 26 when she hit the music scene and she was what, 16? I’ve been afraid. Afraid I would be rejected by other Swifties who really are the only people who understand this love we have for her  —which is basically like being rejected by your own people. Also, it’s super weird to be following teens/young adults on social, much less engaging with them.

Fear.

Along with my fear, a perfect storm of entrepreneurial demands, single motherhood, failed relationships (one of which was a marriage), and family matters have served as a constant reminder that my dream of ever meeting Taylor takes residence on another planet. An actual trip to Mars seemed more attainable. 

I feel like there is a whole demographic of women, “Swiftie Moms” who echo my story,

having watched Taylor grow into the strong beautiful woman she's become. Women my age who love her from behind the wheel of their SUV, on the way to drop their kids off to school, on the way back from a milk run, in the dark hours of the mornings when they’re dancing in the kitchen with a full on hair bun singing into a coffee spoon. Unnoticed fans who haven’t had the time to dive head first into the Swiftie Universe. But here I am. After all the fear and all the years...

So, why?

This is a hard one to answer. I guess you can say that after many years of challenges, judgment from others, and doing the complete opposite of what logic and reason said I should  —divorce, single motherhood, a second degree in my late twenties... risking it all to start a blog (which by the way in 2013 wasn’t even considered a side job much less a career), I kind of got to a point where I became

fearless.

I had to be. I had this tiny living, breathing human being who was counting on me at the very least, to give him a life a notch above the shit show I had growing up. Not to mention parenting —which is basically wandless wizardry pulled directly from the asses of parents. It demands that your mini human grows up to be a better human than you.

Yeah, unpack that.

Take all your collective shit, figure it out, and then teach your mini to do it better —to BE better than you at love, kindness, respect for others (especially boys respecting girls), integrity, money, and to be fearless. All while giving them the comfort of knowing that you, mom, have it all figured out... even when that couldn't be farther from the truth.

Top that with the pressures of working in the public eye

—which, while on a microscopic level compared to a full-on celebrity such as Taylor, is still very much a juggling act with none of the entourage to lighten the workload. Add to it the demands of working with national brands, and the unwavering ability for other bloggers to tear you down at any opportunity, or even worse, try to get close to you so they can raid your success like a Black Friday sale.

I found myself at the peak of my blogging career

but I was consumed by fear, AGAIN! Fear of shady AF bloggers and publicists, and so much to lose. And fear that now, thousands of people would have an opinion of me formed by jealous bloggers, and they didn’t even know who I really was. 

That’s when letting go of toxic people in my life became essential

—when, no matter who they were, or how I was tied to them, I had to realize that surrounding myself with the ones who lifted me took precedence over the ones who dragged me down. 

After all that..... I learned to give zero f***s about what people thought, or what they said behind my back. 

And I had to start caring about what made my heart happy, what made my family and friends smile, and what inspired me to do better. BE BETTER. Be the example of fearless, with the hope that I was lucky enough to stay that way. But I'm a vulnerable human made of heart and soul and sometimes people can still take the best from me.

I had to be fearless.

In August of 2017 when "Look What You Made Me Do” blessed my ears for the first time, I felt it pierce my skin and course through my veins. And to the very bones of this young 38-year-old Swiftie mom, I was shook AF! I sang, I danced and I drowned out the haters in the blogging world. She had a very clear message,

She had zero f***s to give, Taylor broke the internet.

After watching the seemingly endless myriad of shade thrown at Taylor over the years, my heart erupted with happiness as her flawless first single from Reputation revealed one BADASS BITCH. And with every music video release of her new era, she became a mythical Goddess with bullshit evaporating superpowers. Like, I legit think she’s an actual unicorn. After all, she does ride a caticorn named Olivia.

She got harder, she got smarter in the nick of time

One single post on my Facebook page praising her new era and new single she brought with it attracted a slew of hate speech, white people bashing, claims of Taylor ripping off Beyonce... I couldn’t believe the things I was reading from fellow bloggers. I even had a GLOBAL BRAND threaten my business relationship in their ambassador program because I stood up for Taylor and spoke out about the hate speech which was placed on my own personal Facebook page. But I stood by my words.

Fearless.

Over the following months into early 2018, and to the tune of, “This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things”, I, along with a slew of about 20 other bloggers, ended up taking down said global brand’s publicist who was using his budget and power to demean and sexually harass female bloggers (which would later reveal that blacklisting me was more about not buying into that bullshit rather than my voice on hate speech).

Zero f***s given to those haters.

Mythical Goddess with bullshit evaporating superpowers level officially achieved for Taylor, and even for me. Although I wouldn’t call myself a Goddess. That's all Tay. 🖤

She found love through the noise

And so did I. In November of 2017, I had approached the year anniversary of the greatest love I'd ever known. My last stop. And as the tracks played on, my heart was full. We both found happiness through a seemingly endless sea of anguish.

Taylor is truly doing better than she ever was, and so am I.

Her resilience up against the media and the demands of the industry are perfectly fearless. And her decision to keep her beautifully growing relationship with Joe private is wise. I’ve spent the last year at home, which has been incredible. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what’s most important to me, what has shaped me into the mom, partner and entrepreneur that I am, and it all comes back to Taylor. That’s why it’s time for me to be fearless again and officially join the Swiftie universe.

I’ve spent 12 years fighting dragons with Taylor

and growing a canyon of respect and adoration for her charm, wit, business savvy, musical talent, feminism, compassion, tenacity, love for animals, and of course her lovely, lovely, words. I’ve raised my son from birth with her. There isn't a single day that is spent where Taylor doesn't exist in our lives. For 12 years straight.

That’s a long time to love someone who has no idea you exist.

I play her music videos and YouTube uploads just so I can feel like she’s with us. And so my son knows that she’s one of the finest examples of a human being in his lifetime. I use Taylor’s kindness to teach my son how to be considerate and give back to others while sharing her fearless story with him so she can be a positive role model in his life. Taylor has essentially been part of our family all along. 

My son Gauge has a running joke that Taylor is the only person that can make me cry

(which happens more than I'm willing to admit). And it’s not because I’m weak, or on the verge of a mental breakdown (although I challenge you to try parenting, you might argue that), it’s because I truly love her like a best friend. When I see her happy it makes me happy, when I feel her sadness, it makes me sad. It’s visceral.

I don't believe the human connection is meant to be one-sided.

I feel in my heart, as weird as this may sound, that we will meet Taylor one day, even against all odds. Existing in the same lifetime as Taylor without at least trying to meet her doesn't feel right. I won't look at my son and teach him to let fear and doubt win, or that defying the odds is an impossible task.

Over the years I’ve been a spectator to her outreach to fans. She’s invited them to sessions in her homes, sent them gifts, invited them backstage, surprised them in their homes, made hospital visits, and Lord knows what else she has up her sleeve. And it’s all been done with pure excitement and love for her Swifties. With each outreach she extends, tears of joy are shed for fellow Swifties, and a ray of hope inspires me.

So, I’m starting a personal blog

which tells a very personal story of all the dragons I’ve fought with Taylor over the years. From living in a car at 15 years old to getting invited to LA premieres for Walt Disney and Marvel films. And I'll have no apologies for the truths that will be told (but will change names for privacy). It will be very personal and some of it won’t be pretty. Because life isn’t always pretty.

Taylor is releasing another album this year... we hope,

and she’ll be on yet another tour in 2020. After 12 years I’m finally ready for it. I’ve given my son everything he could possibly want or need. I’ve bought him a beautiful home in Northern Georgia. He’s been able to travel the world and do things most adults haven’t even done. And I owe much of that to Taylor for giving me the strength to take major risks, the courage to face my demons, the balls to cut people out of my life who were toxic and the self-confidence to defy the odds and do things my way.

2019 is our year to show @taylorswift how much we love her.

I’ll let the universe do the rest. Till then, I’ll be fighting dragons with her as I always have and writing my journal for her and anyone else who wants to read the memoirs of an OG Swiftie mom who keeps it real AF, full-on hair bun and all.

[bulgarianmermaid]

Traveling solo in Africa, changing jobs locally, finding a new home overnight all alone while mending a broken heart… “Impossible” they said, “I’m possible” I read. It was ME I was fighting for and I had Myself and I in my corner. And the angels above 👼 At the end my crazy Morocco adventure turned into an absolute fairytale better than I could have ever imagined 🏰 (And no, Mom, there is no man involved, just me and my wild heart)

“Aren’t you afraid of flying?” the little girl sitting next to me on the plane to Morocco asked. “Why would I be afraid, sweetheart?” I wondered. “But what if we fall?” she said. “And what if we soar?” I asked. She told me it was her first time flying and she was very scared. So I decided to tell her the story of my first time on a plane. How old do you think is old enough to travel alone? If you ask my crazy parents 3 yrs old was plenty to send me off alone on a flight from Algeria to Bulgaria with a lay over in Paris. The proper term is “unaccompanied minor”, a child that travels alone and gets taken through security and from gate to gate by a flight attendant 👮‍♀️ I still had to sit all alone on the planes yet I didn’t make a sound 👼 Three decades later my parents get really worried when I roam the world solo. “Really, Mom, really, you are worried NOW?!”

Thanks to my incredible Grandma who raised me while my parents traveled the world, every new experience was presented to me as the most fun adventure one could go on. And every new place visited as a land from the fairytales. That woman, my Grandma, was a magician with her words and her touch. So a plane was a bird that would take us to the land of Alaeddin and the desert was the land of the 1001 Nights of Shekerezhade. I celebrated my 3rd birthday in the middle of the Sahara desert of Algeria, having just joined my parents on their own African adventures. Three decades later I celebrated my birthday in Africa again, on the coast of Morocco, where the Atlantic Ocean washes the sands of the Sahara. French is my first language, not Bulgarian (I still understand French if you speak slowly 😱) and coming back to Africa always feels like coming back home. To my first memories of a home – dusty, dirty and oh, so wild and free.

  I didn’t grow up rich 💰 Even though my parents were traveling around the world for work and dragged me across Europe, to the Sahara Desert of Africa and thru the Gobi Desert of Mongolia all the way to China before the age of 10, we never had much money. Or a car I could use. My parents didn’t introduce me to the outdoors, enroll me in any sports, or teach me survival skills. They didn’t believe in any of that. But ONE thing they insisted on was languages and education and I have to thank Mom for that. I started learning French when I was 3 yrs old, I wrote and read in French by age 5. I speak 5 more languages (NOT fluently) and I happen to enjoy an elephant memory, two university degrees from some of the best schools in the world and a razor sharp brain.

I came to Morocco for work, I stayed for surfing 🏜 That’s the recap of my 2 months here. There is nothing else but the desert and the ocean. You must love surfing and water if you are planning on staying 🌊 I had been working on Online, Digital, and Social Media Marketing and Online Bookings for a Moroccan surf & yoga camp for 3 months and I was really excited to finally be here in person. Well, what I thought would be a “one man show” turned into a “complete shitshow” by week 3. But when your accommodation is connected to your job and you are a tall blonde traveling solo in Africa, you think twice before you quit. So I thought for a week and finally couldn’t take another day of it 😦

I had met a boy in those first 2 weeks and for once in my life I decided to give a relationship a chance, not run away and stay for him another few days. I purposefully call him “a boy” because a man would have acted differently. A man would have seen my worth beyond the current setbacks I was experiencing. A man would have been my rock when I was standing on shifting sands. When said “boy” heard about my work troubles and living condition challenges he said he didn’t want to invite my problems into his life and “sent me off” to figure it all out myself. He could have helped, it wouldn’t have cost him a thing and I wasn’t asking for much, just a roof over my head for a night and a warm hug. Instead he chose to cut all ties and continue with his “perfectly designed” life (and home) because in his eyes I was a “complete mess”. I chose to let Fate take care of him…because payback is a bitch and the Universe never disappoints.

So with professional setback under one arm and personal disappointment under the other and having just acquired a short spell of “Moroccan shits” I hastily packed my suitcase and took a “berber taxi” 🚗 (car not camel) to see a friend at a brand new surf and yoga camp (Surf Safari Morocco) close by for a couple of days, enjoy their pool and heal my body while figuring out my life. Because in Morocco it is just a matter of time before you get the shits – personal, professional, just shits. How these old “berber taxi” cars from the 1980s still function is beyond my understanding. How they make it up and down the hills is a sheer miracle. Considering 3 people sit in the front, 4-5 in the back and there is always room for 1 more (in the driver’s lap perhaps as there is already someone sitting in mine 😂) I guess we could pish the car all the way to town if it broke down.

My dear friend and yoga instructor Julian @hostelyogi who saved my life more than once

In retrospect, I should have left Morocco back then but it is too easy to judge life in retrospect and I am a warrior, I wasn’t going to let one asshole (ok, maybe 2) ruin my whole Morocco experience. When Plan A didn’t work out (it never does), it is time for Plan B. Oh wait, I don’t have a Plan B. I never do. Perhaps with the 100% chance of Plan A not working out in my life, I should start preparing a Plan B 🤔 I believe in the power of the Universe, I believe when we set an intention and we really want something the Universe responds. Not always in the way we expected, often in a better way 🙏 Sometimes it is hard to sit still and wait for the future to unfold while you are shaking in uncertainty but if you are patient and watch out for the signs, I promise you the result will be more beautiful and grand than you ever expected.

The surf camp where I went for 1 day to relax and recharge (and ended up staying a month) took me in with all my physical and emotional pain. They hugged me until I stopped crying – thanks Julian and Evan. They saw my worth even through the thick wall I had put up and hidden behind – thanks Younes and Mohammed. They gave me a week to just surf, eat, sleep, and heal. I will be forever grateful for that. (And do laundry, because after a month in a dusty, little Moroccan town nothing makes you happier than the sight of a new washing machine and European detergent.) Within a week after moving in, meeting the owners, observing camp operations and enjoying myself tremendously in and outside of the water, I was asked to help manage Surf Safari Morocco and take over Digital Marketing, Social Media and Online Bookings. Less than a month later we are completely full (actually that was true after JUST a week when management believed in my strategy and took immediate actions to implement my recommendations). For there are FEW things I’m very good at IF you believe in me and WORK is one of them.

Surf Safari Morocco – the greenest grass and the cleanest pool in town 🙂

To all the people who didn’t help me on my journey, who tried to stop me from succeeding or attempted to stall my growth – THANK YOU 🙏 For showing me I had verged off my true life path and I had to change course a bit. For the only constant in life is change and this mermaid does change better than most 🧜‍♀️ My Moroccan adventure has been one HELL of a story 📝 with plenty of ups and downs and “drowning time” in between (some call it surfing but I’m mostly under water 🙂 “Rugs to riches”, “nada to Prada” or just another way to say – believe in yourself even when no one else does!

Finally, a tribute to the girls who shared my first month of the “Moroccan shit show” – I wouldn’t have lasted as long as I did without you – Charlie’s Angels or MY angels – for true friendships are built in the most challenging of moments and we were together thru thick and thin 🙏 As we have all headed out on our new adventures (I was the very last one to leave Morocco from the group and I thought I would be the first) all I want to say is thank you Annie, Leah, Meli and G – for your friendship, your advice, your emotional support, your translation from German, and for having my back when you were pretty backless yourselves 💪 Yours truly, The Total Mess ❤

  Morocco – My Crazy African Adventure Traveling solo in Africa, changing jobs locally, finding a new home overnight all alone while mending a broken heart...

[yournatnatworld-blog]

Helianthus During Winter

Helinthus will bloom during winter.   My name is Louella S. Morales eighteen years old live in Kasayahan Street Batasan Hills Quezon City.My life began when I was born around one o clock in the midnight  of the first day of March year two thousand  and one I was born in Jose Fabella Hospital. My mom’s due date is last week of February but my mom wanted to gave birth at her birthday but because of excitement and eagerness to see my parents and the world outside my mom’s  womb I’m being lazy at her womb for a whole week. I was so small back then so that My mom easily delivered me even if she wants that we have same birthday .The interesting scenario after the labor day of my mom. The car stops in the middle of the highway and It was raining hard. I was the second child of Lolita and Gil Morales I have two beautiful sisters. The history behind my name is quite interesting, my names was Lou Ella given by my father but it turned out Louella because some of our relatives said that it was hard to pronounce.                I have amazing Childhood experiences tug of war, hide and seek, rock paper scissors and dirty slipper game name it all I can play outdoor games well. Me and my parents set an  agreement that before we play outside is to finish our meal, do our assignments and to sleep every two o clock in the afternoon so that we can choose what we’re gonna do to watch a television or to  play outside until five o clock in the  afternoon. During weekends they allowed  us to play at  two o clock in the afternoon until six thirty in the evening .But my parents decided that we aren’t longer a kid anymore we have to be responsible in the household chores. So my parents set up an a agreement that we need to do household chores in the Saturday  including general cleaning, washing the dishes and helping washing our clothes. During evening is the exciting  part of our weekend because our house is transforming in to a board game dungeon because we play several board games. Because English  is our second language in the house so  our parents gave us a book and let us analyze what stated there. We need to take down notes all unfamiliar words that are listed on the book and we need to find that words in a huge dictionaries  volume one to volume five. It’s a effective way to improve our vocabularies and English  Skills. During Sunday  we attend a morning  or afternoon mass if my parents aren’t  busy at their work, we’re excited because we know after the mass we’re heading in to a mall to buy our daily needs and clothes. If we’re not going in a mall our parents bring us in the park so that we can socialize with other people.                   My parents provide our needs they work hard for us because they know how’s reality work on. My father didn’t finish his studies because of financial problems ,My mom graduated, Pass the bar exams and get a stable job. My parents did their best to provide anything that we want. I’m thankful that they’re my first teachers they taught me how to be well mannered, Strong and smart woman. We have a dog named “Ampon” a rescued stray dog around our area.”Ampon” is a black and white dog beside of his color, ”Ampon” is a younger brother and a best friend to us but sadly our dog died because of depression. We have five cats live near at our house we fed them everyday. We have goldfishes in the house since I was young I wanted to have a fish and a huge aquarium because I’m interested in marine biodiversity. Since the day “Ampon” died I never trust any dog because some stray dog attacked my sisters. So for now I have a good relationship with cats because of their overflowing love and I know that they will never hurt me because I don’t want to bear a pain again once I’m connected on my pets. If I’ve given a chance to have a dog again I will protect them as we protect and care to ”Ampon”  in the past.Animals are indeed a creation of the God because of our pets we feel safe and happy when they’re  around. My first Nursery school was Music and Micah Preparatory School I’m the youngest student there during that time because my parents and the teachers see my potential. I’ m excited to meet a  new friends and enemies. So that they sent me in the school even if it’ s a accelerated subjects.     When I was in kindergarten school everything was smooth and fine. I proved to everyone that even if I’m the youngest it doesn’t mean that  I don’t have a rights and potential to attend a class. Some of my classmates bullied me verbally and physically because they know that I’m  weak but they never know that my parents taught me how to be well mannered and a strong woman. And my parents said that don’t mind them, In the end they will get tired. My parents said that when everything gets harder learn to stand on your own. When I was four years old a tragic accident happened at me. That day we’re playing outside with our neighbors and then someone  step my feet and I bumped into something hard so I lose my consciousness . The next day I can’t move my the whole right leg my parents think that maybe my feet are swollen. After several tests the result is my bones at my feet are broke into pieces. After I heard those word my mind become blank because I don’t know what will happen next. I lose my confidence after the accident and get stuck at the chair if I need something I have to call my mom so that she can assist me.I don’ t have time to play and attend m class because it was coated and cast and preparations for the surgeries. Because of that I stopped in my Kinder One and just follow the right age so that I can enrolled as a grade one at a right age.  I went to San Diego Elementary School and Batasan Hills National High School where I completed my Elementary and High School education respectively.  I joined the science technology program when I was in grade 8 because I know it will showcase my skills on developing, programming and encoding .Last night I received an email and its stated there that I’m qualified for the competition and a congratulations letter. The moment I received the email I can’t explain my happiness and emotion because it’s a one step closer to my dream. every qualified students have a same goal and reasons why they joined the program and because we all know it will help us in the future.          Skipped Meals and sleepless nights are endless just to present a codes and machines that we built. The day of the test drive comes quickly it’s a day o checking the machines and the codes. To avoid the misleading of the codes in the codes bar. I can’t express What I feel during the test drive because I’m not confidence enough on my work but I remind myself whatever happens, happened for a reason. After several hours of checking and analyzing the codes and the machines of my fellow competitors the result will be announced right there after the talking of the judges and some of professionals. I won the regional round but It doesn’t mean the battle is already done. It'a sign that I need to improve my work for the next round. Coaches and the speakers congratulates  me after the winners name announced at huge speaker and displayed on a huge screen. The speakers announced my names in rank seven.  I can’t express my self  because that moment I forgot that I’m in the venue of the competition because my mind keep reminiscing my sacrifices while doing my work. After that I told to myself that all my sacrifices and pain are worth it         Growing up around professionals wasn’t easy considering the fact that I’m still on the first rack to build my dream. I wanted to be Doctor someday and a teacher too but because I know Medicines take ten years to study so I need to choose the practical way. I Know God has plans for me  in right time and a right place I’ll pursue medicine so as of now I will take education to fulfill my dreams. Because I wanted to be a Doctor its related to my interests ,My interests are to read a book that related to medical ,biology and sciences.                They’re my favorite books rather reading fiction book though I still read them but not as my favorites books because for me Romance book are cliché .To be honest I can finish a more than two hundred pages of book in just one sitting on  my chair aside from reviewing the technical terms One volume of book is enough to live for a whole week.    I haven’t reach my biggest accomplishments so far because for me the biggest accomplishment in life is to finish my college education and to wear a black toga while holding my diploma. It’s the best and biggest accomplishment in my life. It’s not just my fight but also the fight of my parents because I know their sacrifices just to sent me on a school. I won’t waste their efforts and sacrifices because some of people didn’t have a chance to go to a school and some of them are have a problems with their financial. For me the biggest accomplishments is to give back, For some reasons the moment I reach the peak of the end. More challenges will come And I have to be ready because I’m no longer a kid that will tell “I can’t do it maybe later” because the time is important when you get older. My favorite is “Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.” written by Roy T. Bennett in his book The light in the heart. I’m strongly agree with that quote because I know when you let your fears ,pains overcome you there’s nothing good will happen. Unless you use your fears and pains to make yourself better and stronger.