#finally fucking free worst experience of my life

[manaosdeuwu]

ever since I blocked my mom I've lead a beautiful peaceful life full of wonders

[shogunish]

📣 PSA 📣

I GOT A NEW JOB AND CAN NOW QUIT BEING A NURSE, EVERYBODY SAY YAAAY 🥳✨

[waitingforminjae]

rc jekkies, COLLEGE GRADUATE!!!!!!!!

[thesilverlady]

since #that show is over I can finally complete the 2020 bingo card

[4giorno]

signora shouldve killed scara when she had the chance

[mattynmarns]

my ass hurts from this chair can't my uni use my tuition to buy better couches???

[eileennatural]

about to submit the powerpoint presentation worth 30 percent of my grade everybody please let's manifest that things go well so i'm not driven to murder-suicide. thanks

[hvylight]

I think I’ve adjusted to not being interested in tiktoks anymore

[asteromorphie]

not twitter having its pompeii moment-

can’t help but feel bad for all the creators (specially artists/devs) that are gonna lose one of their most profilic platforms because of a space karen

[lilahisntsadanymore]

Engaged to an Italian man and carrying a secret pregnancy, Y/n must decide when and how to reveal the news to her notorious family.

The reader pronouns: she/her

Pairings: the Shelby family x shelby!reader x OC (faceclaim Lorenzo Zurzolo)

Words count: 2.4k

Tw: mentions of death, pregnancy, italian written by me (but there are english translations)

Additional inf.: Y/n's mother, was made up by me as well

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

A Shelby Surprise

Now that the vendetta with Changrettas was over, everyone could take a breath. Finally all the stress was gone and for once the Shelby family wasn't in trouble. They hoped it would stay this way.

The stress was gone, but not for Y/n, Arthur's daughter. What nobody expected coming, she fell in love. What was so unfortunate about this? The man was Italian.

If it happened a few years earlier or a few years later maybe that would have been alright. But not right now when the memory of vendetta was still crystal clear.

The man Y/n fell in love with wasn't a Changretta, but she supposed it wouldn't matter to her family. As long as the vendetta was still a fresh topic, he would be a bad man in their eyes.

As if the problem wasn't big enough, Y/n got pregnant. The man knew about it and wanted to be present in the kid's life, he even proposed to Y/n. But the challange was to tell Y/n's family about it.

So there she was - calling each family member, inviting them for a little 'party'. Y/n had no experience in this stuff, so she considered it the best way, telling everyone at the same time when they're gathered together.

"It'll be fine," Y/n's fiance said, squeezing her hand lightly. "What's the worst that could happen? Will they murder me?" He laughed.

"You really didn't know what you're signing up for when you fucked a Shelby, did you?"

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

"Non voglio dirgli della gravidanza,"* Y/n paced around the living room, waiting for the guests to arrive. "What if we only tell them about our engagement?"

*I don't want to tell them about the pregnancy

"Non possiamo, cara mia. La noteranno prima o poi."**

**we can't, my dear. They'll notice it sooner or later.

Right after those words, the sound of knocking filled the room.

Y/n took a deep breath. "Hide upstairs, Nicco. I'll call for you when it's the right time."

The man walked in the direction she instructed as she herself went to open the door.

The Shelby clan. In front of Y/n's doors. Waiting to be let inside. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to tell everyone in the same time.

Despite her running heartbeat, Y/n tried to stay calm as she greeted each person that entered her house.

Something was off when Y/n hugged aunt Polly. The woman eyed her up and down. Did she know? Most likely. She sensed it when Lizzie was pregnant, so why wouldn't she now?

"You probably wonder why we've gathered here today." Y/n spoke, her gesturing more intense than ever. She tried to make her voice sound as light and free of stress as possible, but it was a difficult thing to do due to the anxious feeling in her stomach. Either the stress or the baby inside was making Y/n want to puke right there.

"Yes, we'd love to know." Polly said, a faint smile on her face.

Everyone had their eyes glued to Y/n. Ada watched the girl with worry, as well as Linda who treated Y/n as her own, Polly was fighting the smile from completely ruling on her face, Finn looked extremely confused, Tommy lit up a cigarette.

"Are you in trouble?" Arthur asked eventually.

"Yes and no." That answer didn't clear up anything.

"What do you mean?"

A nervous laugh escaped Y/n's mouth. "Do you remember mum? My mum, your wife, who died many years ago?"

Arthur nodded confusedly. How could he not remember her? He would never forget that amazing woman, who gave him love, hope and a beautiful daughter and then passed away too soon.

"I remember Georgia." Arthur didn't want to talk about her. Years passed and now he had Linda, but the wound caused by his first wife's death was still open.

"Dad, her name was Giorgia. She was Italian, don't try to rewrite that story. The reason why I'm reminding you about it is..." Y/n hesitated fr the last time, "I hope you'll understand my situation."

The times were different back when Arthur and Giorgia were together. Back then, she was just a simple girl who moved to England from Italy and fell in love with a man from Birmingham. There wasn't any vendetta, so their relationship wasn't such a sensitive topic, but nevertheless Y/n hoped her father would understand.

"Can you stop the charade?" Tommy chimed in impatiently.

Y/n nodded. "Niccolò, come here!"

The tall, brownhaired man walked down into the living room. He was dressed in a white shirt, black trousers and elegant black shoes.

"Everyone, this is Niccolò. Niccolò, this is my family."

Everyone eyed the man. Tommy and Arthur were especially suspicious about him.

Niccolò shook hands with each Shelby, taking the time to introduce himself better and get to know everyone.

When the man lastly got to Arthur and Tommy, they refused to shake hands with him, their arms remaining crossed on his chest.

Arthur looked at his daughter. "Why are you introducing him to us?"

"Seriously?" Y/n sighed. "Dad, are you this clueless?"

"Yes, Arthur, are you this clueless?" Polly asked with a full smile on her face now.

Arthur wasn't clueless. He suspected, he knew, but he didn't want it to be the truth.

"Niccolò is my fiance."

The room fell almost silent, if it wasn't for Finn's coughing. He choked on the air and smoke, he was lighting up a cigarette when Y/n broke the news. Finn was her uncle, but they were rather like siblings to each other, because Y/n was even a few years older than Finn.

"He's your what?" Arthur asked.

"Fiance. I'm sorry I haven't told you before, but I was afraid of your reaction."

"An Italian, eh?" Tommy interrogated, shifting his gaze to Niccolò. "Who are your parents? What do they do?"

Y/n added, "O digli il tuo cognome e lo scoprirà entro domani."***

***or say your last name and he'll find it all out by tomorrow

Niccolò smirked and the girl's comment, but then turned back to being serious. "They moved to this country before I was born. My father died in the war, but my mother has a flower shop in London."

"A flower shop?" Arthur raised an eyebrow. "That's interesting."

"I see what you're doing," Y/n said, "Nicco has nothing to do with the Changrettas."

"It's just funny how he appears in your life exactly when-"

"Yes, vendetta, I know. Can we talk in private, dad?"

Arthur and his daughter walked out of the room into a small kitchen. Y/n leaned on the kitchen counter.

"Can you stop?"

"Stop what?" Arthur asked. "I'm just trying to get to know my future son-in-law."

"Can you do it without making it seem like you're looking for a correlation between him and the Changrettas?"

"I don't want him to hurt you. Or any of us. Isn't it any suspicious to you?"

"It's a stupid coincidence!"

Arthur sighed, looking at his daughter with a mixture of concern and skepticism. "Y/n, you know how things are around here. We've been through hell with the Changrettas, and now you bring an Italian man into our lives. You can't expect me not to be cautious."

"I understand, but he's not connected to the Changrettas in any way. I wouldn't put our family in danger like that," Y/n pleaded.

Arthur rubbed his forehead, contemplating the situation. "You could have at least given us a heads up. This is a lot to take in all at once."

He was trying his best to remain calm. The old Arthur would've bursted out of the house a long time ago, but now he was in control of his emotions.

A lot to take at once. Prepare for more, then, Y/n thought.

"I know, dad, but I was scared. Exactly because of that. I'm sorry, but we really do love each other."

"Just promise me, if anything feels wrong, you'll let me know. I don't want you keeping secrets."

"I promise, dad. I won't keep secrets. I want us to be a family, including Niccolò."

Arthur forced a smile. "Alright, let's go back out there. I'll try my best to keep an open mind, for your sake."

Poor Niccolò was left alone with the Shelbys. It was a weight off his shoulders when Y/n was back in the room.

Everyone looked at Arthur curiously. He spoke. "We'll give it a chance. But you," he pointed at Niccolò, "hurt her, and there won't be a place on earth you can hide from us."

Niccolò nodded respectfully. "I understand, sir."

"Can we all just enjoy the evening and celebrate this occasion that is our engagement?" Y/n asked cheerfully.

The atmosphere felt lighter, the family peacefully continued the gathering. Most of them wanted to trust Niccolò and give him a chance.

Arthur and Thomas kept a close eye on Niccolò throughout the night. Their suspicions weren't easy to put to rest, but for Y/n's sake they chose to keep their mouths shut this one time.

After dinner Y/n and Niccolò managed to talk to Finn alone. Y/n decided that the pregnancy would be too much for just one evening and all her fiance could do was accept it. However, they trusted Finn with this information.

"Finn, we have to tell you something." Y/n said after she made sure everyone else is busy.

"Oh no, another big news?" Finn whined. "I don't know if this family can handle more tonight."

"That's why we wanted to talk to you alone," Niccolò pointed out, "it's a secret."

Y/n added, "A secret just for you, Finn. The mission is to keep it until we can tell the others. You understand, soldier?"

"Alright, I guess." Finn agreed with a curious expression on his face. "You didn't kill anybody, did you?"

"No, of course we didn't."

"Quite the opposite," Niccolò added with a chuckle. "Y/n is pregnant."

Finn raised his eyebrow and joked. ""Engaged and having a baby... You didn't waste any time, did you?"

"Proposing is the right action to make once you knock somebody up," Nicco chuckled, "but seriously, it was actually planned."

Y/n giggled, "Life comes at you fast, Finn. Engaged and having a baby. We wanted to share the news with you first."

"Besides it'd be a lot to handle in one evening." Niccolò grinned. "We'll make the announcement in the right time."

Finn shook his head in disbelief, "I can't believe you decided to put so much pressure on me!" He laughed. "Am I supposed to lie to Tommy and Arthur?"

"Like you haven't lied to them before." Y/n pointed out sarcastically. "They aren't going to ask you any questions."

As they headed back to join the family, Finn couldn't help but wear a mischievous grin. The rest of the Shelbys continued their celebration oblivious to the news.

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

A few days later, aunt Polly paid a visit to Y/n and Niccolò, surprising the both of them. Despite the surprise, they couldn't not let her inside.

"I need to talk to Y/n," the woman said, "it's a ladies business. Be so kind, Niccolò, and find something to do for the next... half an hour."

Niccolò raised an eyebrow at the request but decided not to push it. "Alright, take your time, ladies." He grabbed his coat, a pack of cigarettes and walked outside.

Polly and Y/n settled into the living room, the air heavy with curiosity. Polly took a moment, eyeing Y/n.

"I know you're hiding something," the woman said, lighting up a cigarette, "and I wanna hear it from you. I'm giving you a chance here."

"Am I hiding anything?" Y/n tried to convinvnce Polly that she was wrong. But she knew the woman has been a little different recently.

Tommy and Michael thought she's starting to go crazy or maybe it's the alcohol that she seemed to be drinking a bit more often, but Polly knew she had been blessed. Blessed with the gift of contacting spirits, predicting certain things.

"Let's start from here. Are you keeping it?"

Y/n's eyes widened. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not gonna tell your father if you don't want me to. I was in your shoes once. I know a place, we will go there and-"

"Yes, I'm keeping it."

Polly smiled widely. "That's wonderful. Would you like to know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"We want it to be a surprise. Besides I don't think it's safe to do... whatever magic you do on a pregnant woman."

"It's not magic, my dear. You can't read cards or tea leaves for a pregnant woman, but I just sense it's a-"

"A surprise. Please, please, please, I really don't wanna find out yet."

"Alright... and now, why didn't you tell us? Any of us?"

"Wasn't that a little bit too much in too little time?" Y/n scratched the back of her neck nervously. "Didn't wanna add to the chaos."

Y/n decided to not mention the fact that Finn actually knew about it.

Aunt Polly studied Y/n for a moment before nodding approvingly. "Well, love, you've made your bed, now you have to lie in it. But I'm not here to scold you. I just want to make sure you're ready for what's coming."

"I know it won't be easy, but I'm ready. I have a husband, almost. I have a house. We can make it."

"Remember, you also have us. Me and Ada can certainly help you with the baby. I'm sure Linda will also love this new little Shelby."

"The baby isn't going to be a Shelby... I'll go with Nicco's last name."

Polly leaned back, taking a thoughtful drag from her cigarette. "Fair enough. But remember, secrets have a way of coming out, especially in this family. And when they do, it's usually in the most dramatic way possible."

"I'll tell the rest of the family soon... can you come with me to dad and Tommy? I'm a bit scared to tell them..."

"Of course, love. There's nothing you should be afraid of, you're a grown woman. When your mother was your age, you were running barefoot in my backyard."

Y/n smiled at the comment. "Thank you, Aunt Polly. I appreciate your support."

Polly stood up, stubbing out her cigarette. She gave Y/n a hug before heading to the door. "Now, take care of yourself and that little surprise of yours. And let me know when you're ready for me to do whatever 'magic' you think I do."

As Polly left, Y/n couldn't help but be grateful for the unexpected ally in her corner. She suddenly felt much more confident.

[k-slla]

With You At Last

A/N: so I wrote this last night after work. I just had one song on repeat for the whole day and for some reason it made me think of Ben.

Song used for inspiration

Word Count : ~690

Pairing : Soldier Boy x Supe!Reader

Warnings: angst, language

All mistakes are mine. Feedback is appreciated 🤍

My Masterlist

You were there in Nicaragua, in 1984. You were there when Ben was taken from you. You were there when he was betrayed by your own team.

Actually, you couldn't say that they were your team, considering how Edgar kept you fighting from the sidelines, not putting you on the team. He did admit that you were and had always been very useful to them; you just didn't have…a certain appearance to be part of the official Payback team.

Those were his words to Ben, when he tried to get you on the team, to fight beside him. And as answer to Ben's boldness to question him and threaten to bring you to limelight, he spitefully coerced him to date the Countess for the tabloids. For showing his attitude.

And that fucking hurt. Seeing him with her on the covers of every magazine. Knowing that behind the closed doors he was yours, didn't help at all.

You knew that simple bullets couldn’t hurt him, but then again you didn’t know what could. So when you saw Ben being dragged away from the field, you assumed the absolute worst.

Everything around you collapsed. You were kneeling on the ground, completely shattered as you saw the rest of the team fleeing from the scene, clearly unbothered by the loss of their leader. All but Swatto, but even his death meant nothing to them, as long as they got rid of Soldier Boy. Or so at least it seemed to you.

Ben always hated the fact that you were kept in secrecy. He hated that you couldn't get the recognition that you deserved, just based on your looks.

"Who the fuck cares about our looks? " He had tried to reason with Edgar, who still wouldn’t budge, even after admitting your value to the team.

You had the power to manipulate people's perception. You were present on every battlefield beside Payback, helping them in the most useful ways with your ability. While Payback attacked, you deprived them from their physical awareness, so Ben and others could fight them without getting injured. To him, you were the one who made Payback’s conquests possible.

Ben honestly didn’t know what the fuck had happened that day. Everything went to shit in a split second. Mallory’s base was under attack and you were nowhere to be seen. And then there was nothing.

Until he woke up, restrained to some table, and about to be experimented on. For almost 40 years they held him there.

And all that kept him borderline sane during that time was you. And planning the payback for his former team. But all that was secondary next to you.

He had never thought that he’d ever find someone who would make him want to have something meaningful in his life. Something real. Something that no one would be able to take away from him. He just wanted you.

He wasn't even sure how he was capable of loving you as much as he did. He never received any love or affection from his father. Ben was abandoned, and had been alone since childhood. But he knew he loved you, otherwise he would have forgotten you. Otherwise he would’ve already given up on everything.

He waited for the day he’d finally be free. He knew it was coming and he’d be ready for that.

Still, his hope had started to waver, and he lost himself to loneliness. Hopelessness of seeing you ever again started to take power over his love for you in his mind. And he couldn't fight back to it.

After years of imprisonment and torture, Ben was certain that they had managed to kill him somehow. Or that he’d finally lost his sanity. He wasn't even sure which he would've preferred.

The air was knocked out of him when he saw you standing there in front of him. Even when you held him in your arms after all the years of being separated, he had a hard time believing that it was real. One kiss from you was all it took to convince him. It was real. You were real.

Finally, you had found him and he was not alone.

Taglist: @jackles010378 @cevansbaby-dove @deanwinchestersgirl87 @il0vebeingdelulu @alternativeprincess94

[dancermk]

HELLO MY FELLOW TRAVELERS!

I, like many viewers, have been completely entranced by Hawk and Tim’s love story in Fellow Travelers. As a mature queer person, this show has been very emotional, and I am deeply invested. (I WILL riot if Tim doesn’t get to die in Hawk’s arms, and know that he is, and has always been, loved by Hawk.) But I digress.

Something that I have been fascinated by are the differing opinions that have surfaced about the characters, especially Hawk. I’m not looking for any arguments here, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and this is simply mine. To me, Hawk falls hard and fast for Tim. He breaks all his own rules for Tim - they topple over like a house of cards.

When we are introduced to Hawk, he’s cold and heartless with the men he hooks up with - they are nothing more than a body to fulfil his sexual needs and desires. He doesn’t do repeats and he doesn’t bring them home. But Tim, he instantly begins returning to, gets him a job, then allows him into his own apartment, etc. When Tim pushes back, Hawk relents further, letting him in emotionally, sharing parts of his past, crossing lines by introducing him to others in his circle, and so on.

Hawk is a traumatised man, carrying guilt and anger and shame, and a bucket load of fear! Yes, he has some internalised homophobia, but interestingly, he’s also extremely righteous about his homosexuality -and I don’t believe he thinks being gay is wrong in any way. (His response to his father is indicative of this).

I can personally say that I’ve never thought it was wrong to be queer, yet I spent much of my life hiding who I was and feeling shame. It’s an odd thing! Perhaps it is that the shame forms purely from what is outside of us, while what is inside of us can love another person of the same sex, knowing it is right and pure. Perhaps these contradictions between self and society are what causes so much pain and conflict?

But back to Hawk. Hawk is undoubtedly most affected by his teenage first love experience. A love that he fucked up through his own fears (fear for many men is unacceptable and a sign of weakness), and now carries the burden of believing he is responsible for their death. Hawk doesn’t allow himself to love again, until Tim. And we see many times throughout the show how much Hawk fears losing Tim. And in the end he’ll have to face that fear. I think that, in part, not attempting to have a life with Tim, is also fuelled by his fear of fucking it up and losing Tim - so it’s easier to just not attempt it! In episode 7, when he loses his son, part of that spiral is Hawk recognising that he can’t really prevent loss, and he wasted his life trying to be something he’s not - still losing his child and Tim along with it.

But Hawk is a survivor! And no one has the right to hate or judge him for it. I don’t think some young people truly understand what it feels like to live in a world where who you love can put you in jail, and destroy your life. I grew up in the 70s/80s and my experiences were bad enough, but I try so very hard to think about what it was like before that! When being queer was a crime and a mental illness! That’s pure terror! And for Hawk, he chose to survive the best way he knew how, and he wasn’t able to change because that’s fucking hard when all you’ve known is living in constant ‘fight or flight,’ and when have chronic trauma and experience collective trauma.

I think in episode 8 we’ll finally get to see Hawk grow - I certainly hope so - because he deserves to be free. Our beautiful Skippy has been free for some time, and while we mourn for the cruelty of a world that would take such a truly decent man, I am glad he got to live freely. Being closeted is the worst kind of suffering- a compartmentalised and fragmented existence where you are never truly whole, and therefore can never be the best version of yourself.

Before I go, I just wanted to also talk about being in a closeted relationship-which I experienced in my youth. I think that Hawk and Tim’s intense and toxic and exquisitely beautiful relationship, in part, arises from this. Because two closeted people in love live their relationship in secret, in a bubble, only in certain rooms, with none of the outside world reflected back at them. It becomes the two of you against the world. It’s so insular. Hawk and Tim literally live their 1950s relationship within two rooms - their apartments. All their memories are held within those walls. And it only belongs to them. They know each in ways that no other living soul does. It’s all-consuming and often unhealthy, but also stupidly romantic.

Anyway, sorry for this long winded post that no one will read and is likely full of grammatical errors because I’m tired! This atheist is praying we get everything we need from episode 8! Acceptance, forgiveness, understanding resolution, healing and a whole lot of love! ❤️

Cheers queers! 🏳️‍🌈

PS Matt and Johnny are exquisite on and off screen and I am so thankful to them for bringing these characters and this story into our lives!

[f4riedimples]

MY COLLECTION

pairings: pimp!sam carpenter x f!reader

warnings: mentions of drugs,underage drinking,sexual harassment ,provocation dancing, prostitution

wc: 1241

a/n: hi everyone, just wanted to finally come back since I’ve only been active on wattpad recently. Hope it’s not too bad!

Oh.

this has to be the worst mistake of your life.

like your whole fucking life. You knew this was a bad idea but you loved Sam so you did it anyways. It took some time convincing but you caved.

you don’t even know why she wanted to start doing this. You were only dancing but even that made you feel a certain type of way because of the way it went.

Sam would invite people over, get them tipsy, get you and the “client” in the room, you would dance, get paid, and that was that.

you didn’t complain since it would bring in a lot of income a week.

On the fourth day you made just 950 dollars in two hours. And it just kept increasing from there. But this didn’t seem worth it anymore.

it all started just a few nights ago. Sam told you who you would take to the room and dance for and that was supposed to be it.

afterwards though you saw the creepy state the guy was giving you. After he paid all his money he tried to grab you but your waist and sit you on the bed.

you immediately got up not feeling comfortable. “No touching, nothing further.” You replied calmly before trying to move past the man and check your earnings.

The dance was quite short but he still paid around 300-400. “Take off your clothes.” He order as he looked you up and down.

you almost froze up in shock and disgust. You knew this would probably happen sooner or later. “That’s not my job.” You denied with a small bit of attitude.

“I’ll give you five dollars, just take your clothes off and fuck me!” He demanded impatiently assuming your it was part of your job or you should go further instead of just selling the fantasy.

“sir, like I said, that’s not my goddamn job.” You didn’t want to raise your voice since this wasn’t a regular. You never know what this man could pull out of do.

Things were getting too intense too fast and you just needed it to stop. As the man tried to get near you again you just wanted to grab the knife hidden in one of the drawers.

just as he was about to reach you, you heard a small bang on the door. “Open. Now.” It was Sam. It was Sam! You immediately ran to the door and unlocked it.

just so no one could sneak in and try to get a free dance with friends, it was a responsibility to lock the door.

Sam immediately came in and glared at the man. “What the hell happened?” She asked already seething. She had heard some of this from outside of the door.

“she won’t fuck me.” The man tried to stay confident even though he knew Sam would be pissed off.

“asshole, she’s a dancer, not sex worker.” Sam hissed before guiding you behind her. It made you feel a bit safer knowing Sam had did something and was here to help you now.

“get out.” Sam said and the man had no choice but to leave. After this Sam immediately stopped the party and everyone went home.

she sat you on the bed and lightly caressed your cheek with her thumb. “princesa, I’m so sorry. Did he hurt you?” Sam asked feeling guilty.

you shook your head only feeling a bit shook up. “No, he didn’t. Thanks for saving me.” You whispered a bit down by the experience.

“There’s no need to thank me. I’ll always protect you from weirdos like that.” She spoke softly before hugging you. You couldn’t help but tear up.

now however you were worried things would be different.

it had been around a month since the whole incident and you were Sam were out on a date. Sam had brought up the idea of bringing in another girl which made you feel a bit jealous.

you never knew if Sam could try to find interest in a new girl. Even though you knew she was joking you couldn’t shake off another feeling you had towards the idea. Fear. Or maybe guilt.

You knew Sam would probably bring in another really young girl desperate for money who wouldn’t know how dangerous this was until it was too late. You couldn’t imagine what could happen.

you couldn’t imagine someone else go through what you did or worse while you stand by participating.

that’s why you had to tell Sam what was on your mind. “Hey Sam? We need to talk about something serious.” you were gonna be open and hope for the better.

Sam immediately got serious and paid close attention. She stare at you still with her usual caring eyes as she waited for you to speak.

“I don’t think I wanna do this. Not anymore or ever again. This whole pimp and dancer thing is just not for me.” Even before you had agreed to do this you knew that even actual strippers or dancers can usually be followed home or harassed by creepy guys.

you knew that some men and other woman felt entitled to seeing more even if that wasn’t on the fine print.

Sam took a tense breath before shooting back. “Are you serious? Like- are you sure that you wanna do this?” Sam was cautious and hesitant not wanting to seem insensitive. She also knew this could lead to lots of troubles.

she tried to respect you and what you wanted. She tried not to be so blinded by the money. At the end of the day you were still her girlfriend.

“yes.” Your voice was soft and you almost felt bad. You didn’t want to disappoint Sam but you also wanted to put yourself first.

“then okay. That’s how it’ll go. I’m just surprised because you seemed to enjoy it especially when the nights were late.” Something about Sam’s last sentence caught you off guard.

on late nights you would decide to get a little extra tipsy to loosen up your nerves but not because you wanted to do more with these clients. “Excuse me?”

“you just seemed to really like it. You never complained.” Sam spoke a bit more quietly as if she was nervous to say. She started to realize maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

“you’re the one who asked me to do this. I could’ve said no but I didn’t because ends needed to be met and I loved you.” Sam was the one who had offered you this after seeing you give her a lap dance.

she realized how good you were naturally and decided that maybe she shouldn’t “let your talent go to waste”.

before this you never consider Sam would ever even have an idea like this. She would tell you how you would deserve the best but right now it didn’t feel the same.

You’ve been dating each other for around a year and known each other for way longer. how could this be your girlfriend.

“I know. And I’m sorry. I was selfish and was desperate to pay the rent and the bills and get more than cheap food.” You let out a soft breath as your nerves temporarily calmed down.

you reached out and held Sam’s hand. “And I forgive you.” You smiled sweetly before pressing a soft kiss against Sam’s lips.

but will things fall back in place?

[so-many-sainz]

i saw u wanna continue the storyline 😏😏 pierre being petty and subtweeting and then lando defending his girl as he should!! i LOVED ur latest update so much it hurts

Unbothered — lando norris

social media au

lando norris x yn

this is the continuation of STAY MAD (alternative of WE BROKE UP BTW and WE BACK)

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A MONTH LATER...

landonorris added to their story

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yninstagram to mr and mrs norris ❤️🥂🥂

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maxfrewtrell photocreds missy 🤨

ynsbff OH STUNNING

landonorris bunny 🤤🤤❤️

revolve omg hi queen

l4ndoslove monkey x bunny 😩😩 my turn when 😩😩

TWO WEEKS LATER... race week.

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landonorris Yes babyyyyyy! P3 🧡🍾 Tough race but we pulled through, lets keep pushing!

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yninstagram that's hot 😎🧡

landonorris on my way for our double celebration

carlossainz55 🍾🍾❤️

landolandi4 amazing race babyyyy!!!

ynsbrother LFGOOOOOO 🤙🏻🤙🏻🤙🏻

skysports will we get decent answers now that you're celebrating?

landonorris stop asking stupid questions if you don't want stupid answers

↪ teamclaren43 the amount of personal questions you got today is embarrassing

yninstagram added to their story

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landonorris my beautiful girlfriend graduated this week. YN, I'm so excited to share with you this new chapter, stressing study nights in random hotel rooms are over bunny, you did it! You make me so proud, love you lots.

Sincerely,

Your monkey.

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olivernorris1 get drunk sis @yninstagram

danielricciardo how much for a therapy session, dr @yninstagram? congratulations loveeeee

isahernaez 😍😍😍😍

f1daddies the high school sweethearts vibes these two have is overwhelming 🤧🥺💖

mcloony she's got the looks, the brains and a fine asf man.......

letsgol4ndo she's so lucky

↪ landonorris i'm the lucky one

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yninstagram yessssss graduation time!!!

I'm done with sleeplessness nights, all I got left is to thanks my incredible friends who were there for me every single time I needed a helpful hand, my family that supported me unconditionally and my amazing monkey who laughed with me during the crazy days and believed in me even when I didn't. Love you all.

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yninstagram I'M FREE WORST FUCKING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE LET'S GET DRUNK

ynsbff yikes

paulgasly congratulations yn! we love you

charles_leclerc so proud of you my friendddd, lmk when I can schedule an appointment ❤️

ynsbrother fucking finally!!!!! 🤪❤️

team10gasly no way

yukierrex he's back

↪️ team10gasly after what happened last weekend.....

↪️lovescarlando that's what happen when you live in the past friendssss

↪️yukierrex bitch it was a couple of months ago stfu

END OF THE SEASON

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yninstagram desert dump 🤓🐪 ft. a very nice mclaren car

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landowners hello God it's me

carlossainz55 very nice earrings 🤓

yninstagram yes! Isa is so good in graduation presents 😋😋😋

↪ carlossainz55 🙄

savnorris1 💖

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lando.jpg end of the season by me 📸

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yninstagram love you baby 💖

mclaren 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

maxfrewtrell excuse me?????

landonorris ok some of those were taken by max

[damn-stark]

Chapter 33 Where’s my mind?

Chapter 33 of Cherry

A/N: sorry?

Warning- Angst, swearing, fluff?, mentions of death, and violence and ptsd, suggest nfsw, cliffhanger

Takes place during- The final chapters special 2

Pairing- Jean Kirstein x fem!reader

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

*A COUPLE MONTHS LATER. MARLEY*

“A punishment must be imposed! They are from Paradise!”

“They helped save humanity! We are alive because of them! They deserve to be honored Marleyeans!”

They’ve been arguing over the same thing for the past couple of months, the battle between Titans and humanity ended and the first thing they focus on is whether they should punish every remaining Eldian, or honor you as the heroes you are. It’s a stupid fight, a childish argument that’s taken too long to discuss.

Besides Marleyan and Eldian? Does it matter now that Titans are extinct?

No, so their answer should be simple. If they don’t want to accept that it was because of you that their hearts are beating and their lungs are taking in another breath, then they're the real monsters.

Then again you don’t really care what they call you anymore, you don’t care if they continue to argue for the rest of their lifetimes. You don’t care if you’re celebrated and honored, you can’t care about much as of late. It’s weird, isn’t it?

All you can care about, all that matters is if they’ll choose a punishment or not. You just need to know if they want to lock you back up in their stupid underground cells or not, because you can’t go back there, you can't let them touch you again. You can’t.

The doctor that would perform all the experiments on you is dead, you killed him with your own hands, but there’s still more like him. You can’t go through that again and see their smug faces as they overpower you, a strong soldier. A soldier who kept their strength even after the Titans died. You can’t be trapped in the dark again, you can’t be hit and chased. You can’t. No, no…

…It’s happening again. The shortness of breath, racing heart, and panicked mind trigger the bad memories to flash and grow loud until the point you can’t hear what’s around you, you feel your body stiffen and everything go numb, even that once racing mind. It’s like you’re isolated, and feeling your own time slow down.

You need to collect yourself and focus.

Focus on Jean sitting beside you barely paying attention to what people are saying. Focus on the fact that you’re free right now, that you’re surrounded by your friends who wouldn’t let your worst fear come true. Focus…

Focus.

Yet as try to catch your breath the door opens and that doctor walks in. That same doctor who would hurt you, the same one you killed. He’s walking in….

“No, no, no,” you mouth under your breath and sit back as you grip onto the table's surface in front of you and squeeze your eyes shut.

When you open them again the doctor is gone and you notice that it was actually a woman. Your mind just tricked you…

Fuck. Damn it.

You loosen your grip on the table and stand up abruptly to walk out.

“Y/N?” Jean whispers.

“Outside,” you quickly throw out and slip past your friends watching you leave with concern.

But you can’t help it. You try to be better, but ever since the war ended your days have become longer as it’s filled with whatever tranquility means now; nothing. You have nothing to do now that you don’t have to fight, so those nightmares have turned into actual torture during some unexpected parts of your days.

They say it’ll go away, but it’s been months and you’ve gotten worse. You feel yourself getting worse, it’s why…well, it’s why you’ve come up with an important decision in your life. Something you can’t imagine will go well for one person in particular, but you have to make it. You just can’t handle what you’re suffering through whilst staying here.

Who knows if making your decision will make anything better, but you can’t even catch your breath when you’re outside. You can’t…you can’t find beauty in anything like you used to. It’s all so dull and bleak, so ugly. So you hope making that decision will help. It has to. Plus you're not only making it for you, but for a promise you made Eren…

Eren…who sacrificed so much, but you’re here unable to breathe and mad at the world. You're unable to find any motivation to seek the life you can now have, the life you want.

He’d be so mad and annoyed…Tsk.

You proceed to drop your head and notice your heartbeat calming down, and your breaths go in and out normally. Your mind still doesn’t let go of those bad memories, but you slowly push them back and just bask in the silence. For a while anyway.

“Cherry.”

You quickly turn around and see Levi approaching you on his feet. “You need to be on that chair,” you scold him.

Levi rolls his eyes. “I can’t stand sitting down all damn day,” he snaps back.

You don’t argue, instead, you skip over and plop yourself on his wheelchair. “Well when you’re not using it don’t haul it around, you look insane pushing nothing around.” You snicker.

“Tsk. Aren't you supposed to be inside listening?”

“Aren't you?” You retort and sit back before you begin kicking your feet back and forth as he begins to push you away from the meeting tent.

“We should find a hill so you can push me down it on this thing,” you suggest lightheartedly.

Levi scoffs. “Yeah and see you die when you fall off the damn thing,” he counters.

You chuckle softly and begin to fiddle with your fingers before you blurt out your trouble. “I’m thinking of going back to Paradise.” You swallow thickly and shut your eyes as you expect an angry protest.

After all, you’ve lived with this nagging fear that either of you could die when the Titans existed, and when the war was ramped. So now that things have calmed down and you don’t have such a nagging feeling poisoning your mind, you can finally live together with ease.

“When are you guys planning to leave?” He asks nonchalantly. He doesn’t sound upset, he doesn’t stop pushing you in his wheelchair either, and he sounds like what you said didn’t bother him.

It’s good. You need that. You want that from Jean too.

“No, just me,” you correct him. “I'm planning to leave alone. I don’t want to pull him away from this, it’s hard but he likes doing this. And I can’t stay here anymore, I just…need to get away from here. I need to…find myself, I don’t know,” you mumble and keep looking at your hands.

Levi finally stops moving the wheelchair and lets out a deep breath. You expect some protest, something that will make you feel bad.

“All right,” he says in comprehension and catches you off guard. Even though it shouldn’t, he’s accepting, he tries to understand even if sometimes that does come late.

“I mean I know you’re not asking for permission,” he continues. “But I think it’s the right thing for you.”

Your eyes well with tears and you can’t help but let a soft smile tug on your lips.

“I’ve just seen you struggling here, returning might be nice. And you won’t be alone, Mikasa is there, as well as Historia.”

You hum. “I know. I’ve written to them both, Mikasa says she has a room in her apartment. And Historia is working towards my pardon.”

Levi stays quiet for a moment before he interjects. “So is this more of a goodbye?”

You shake your head and look up at the bland land ahead ruined by the rumbling. “No, I’ve been indecisive. I don’t want to leave Jean behind, or you.”

“You don’t worry about me,” Levi quickly rebuttals. “Nor do you need to worry about him. Worry about yourself, that’s all that matters. If he can’t accept your choice in the right way that you deserve then he’s not right is he?”

You frown and try to defend him. “It’s not that, he’s just you know…protective, he’s headstrong, and stubborn.”

“Well, regardless,” Levi sighs. “He needs to accept your choice. Is that why you’re holding back from deciding?”

You hesitate but nod since you still continue to be a terrible liar. “Yeah,” you whisper and lift your head, managing to catch a group of young adults to the far right side of you glancing over here and murmuring to each other.

“Then stop,” he says sharply. “He’s just your boyfriend. If he loves you he’ll understand.”

You slowly peer back and flash Levi a smile. “What is this? Love advice? And you’re good at it. You sound like Pieck.” You giggle.

“I'm good at a lot of things,” Levi mutters and averts his gaze. “And I did raise a girl, so it was required.”

You chuckle. “20 years late.”

“Whatever.”

You face ahead again and sit back with an amused smile on your face and with this sense of relief comforting your hesitation and fear over telling Jean. You also feel a bit of bliss that Levi accepted without causing an argument or protesting.

However, that simple bliss vanishes away quickly as you see that same group looking over here and pointing as they smile and laugh, and instead an unfamiliar raging anger replaces it.

“You’ve got a fucking problem!” You snap at the group and hastily push yourself off the chair.

“Cherry,” Levi tries to calm you down, but you storm towards the group of men before he can even lift his hand.

“Yeah, you!” You sneer and point your chin at the main man who had been gawking like a schoolgirl. “You have a fucking problem!”

The blond man puffs out his chest and his friends grow quiet, but you see their smiles trying to peek through their serious demeanor.

“Nothing,” the blond man brushes you off. “Just talkin’.”

You huff out and shoot him a glare before you roll your eyes and turn away. You’re about to join Levi again, but then one of his friends mutters under his breath.

“Eldian—”

You don’t let him finish, you spin around and charge at the friend to grab him by the collar. “Say it!” You seethe and shove him back on the ground. “I saved your fucking life! So say it you fucking cunt. Say it!” You stomp over there and want to throw a punch, but then arms wrap around you and you’re getting pulled back.

“Relax, relax, just ignore them,” Jean tries to calm you down.

You squirm in his hold and point at the guy. “Say it!” You bellow between your heaving.

The guy's friends help him, and their teasing smiles and puffed chests are gone now. They look at you with disbelief and disgust.

“Just leave it,” Jean whispers in your ear.

You continue to burn your glare into them until Jean manages to turn you around to face Levi and the rest of your friends watching with concern.

“Just breathe,” Jean whispers. “Breathe.”

You drop your gaze and feel pissed that he pulled you away, but you don’t argue, you just do as he says and begin to realize that you let your anger get to you again.

You tried to fight it and not escalate to such an extreme, but this blinding anger is something so new. You’ve never felt it to such an extreme in your life. It’s so overwhelming that you can’t help but get lost in it. And you never realize how you’ve reacted until after.

“I’m okay,” you huff out even though you haven’t gotten to actually being okay with it yet. He just won’t let go until you say it. “I’m calm.”

Jean slowly lets go of you and walks around to face you. “What was that?” He asks.

You lift your gaze and meet Levi’s gaze, and you both know that what you want is the right thing to do.

“It was…nothing,” you brush Jean off and meet his concerned-filled gaze. “Just facing ungrateful people.”

Jean grabs your shoulders and leans in closer. “Well, sweetheart, they barely tolerate us as it is, so just look the other way okay? It’s hard I know, but please.”

The corner of your lips twitch to a smile and you lift your hand to caress his cheek. “The role of leader still suits you well.” You flatter him.

Jean holds your gaze and his eyes squint to try and read you, but he doesn’t take long because he accepts this as your defeat and strokes your chin. “Come on, we're done for today. Let’s go get ready for our date, yeah?” He smirks.

You hum and offer him a feigned smile before he goes to your side and throws his arm around your shoulders to begin dragging you with him and your friends.

“You okay?” Connie asks you.

You meet his curious gaze and nod stiffly. “I’m good. Don’t worry about me.” You shoot him a smile and pull away from Jean to rush over and push Levi’s wheelchair now that he’s sat down.

“Tell him,” Levi whispers with certainty so you know that he fully agrees with your plan. Now more than ever.

“I will,” you sigh and drop your head. “I will.”

——

*LATER THAT NIGHT*

The date went on like the previous ones, short, and unmemorable at least to you. You try to have fun like you would before, you try to laugh and make him laugh. You try to be your best and forget all your burdens for that moment, but it's a heavy weight so the date was short and it ended up the same, with you under him trying to at least feel something during your night of passion.

But you just mostly please him.

Can’t he see though? Can’t he see that you’re not really there, that you’re like a ghost?

Then again you don’t want him to see you, you want to be okay. And you don’t want him to treat you any more differently than he already is. So you don’t try to let him see, you play your part as best as you can. You let him leave a trail of sloppy kisses down your neck, you try to help him pull your panties down to your ankles, and gasp as you feel his kisses travel further down your body.

Do you feel pleasured though?

No. No matter how you try you can’t feel that same warmth in your stomach, you can’t feel eager or desperate to have him already be inside you. You just play a part. And he doesn’t notice.

Or at least he didn’t until now.

“Y/N?”

You snap your eyes down and watch him drag himself over to face you. “What’s wrong?”

Perhaps it was the need to tell him that you want to leave that gave it away this time. You can’t stop thinking about when you’ll tell him, or how you will, and how he will react.

“Yeah,” you lie and nod softly. “Sorry, I was lost in the moment.” You offer him a soft smile and he looks into your eyes, making you grin and grab his face. “Keep going, or I will flip you around.” You giggle.

Jean leans closer to your lips and parts his own lips, but he doesn’t commit the act of kissing you, so you lean forward and capture his lips with yours to try and make him feel that burning desire again. You don’t even seek an invitation to shove your tongue past his lips.

However, before you can deepen the gesture he rips himself away and sits up. You follow him and see him drop his head and frown down at his hands, so you pull your panties up and lean towards him to grab his arm.

“Jean, what’s wrong?” You ask cluelessly on purpose.

Said man mutters, “you tell me….do you not love me anymore?”

You gasp and grab his face to turn his head so he can face you. “Why would you say that? Of course, I do! I love you.” That’s the truth. The only truth you’ve said.

“Then how come it doesn’t feel like it? How come right now I don’t feel like you’re happy or like I’m pleasing you,” he argues and slowly narrows his glossy eyes. “Tell me, be honest.”

“I love you,” you assure him. “I love you. I am in love with you. You’re my everything, you’re my best friend and the love of my life. I love you. I can’t live without you.”

Jean holds your gaze and draws in a deep breath before he drops his gaze and nods slowly as he lets it out. “Then,” he continues in a quiet voice. “What’s wrong? I just feel like you’re not here sometimes, and when you are you pull stunts like the one earlier.”

You swallow thickly and stiffen as you get proven wrong about him not seeing you.

“So tell me,” he whispers and lifts his eyes to meet yours with a pleading and hurt look. “Is it this war ending? Because it’s hard I know. But we get to be happy now, we can’t change what happened to humanity.”

You nod softly. “I know that,” you whisper.

“Then?” Jean presses and grabs your cheek so you can hold his gaze. “Is it Eren? You guys were close—”

“No,” you cut him off softly. “It’s not Eren. I'm grieving Eren pretty well, I’m used to losing friends, so I can deal with it.”

Jean exhales and keeps pressing. “Then?”

You can’t tell him. This is not how you’re supposed to tell him. But he’s giving you an opening. The moment is here and you don’t have to squirm and try to encourage yourself to bring up the subject.

It’s here. Do it…

Do it!

“I,” you utter nervously. “I…I’m thinking about—no, I’m going back home,” you finally spill out.

“What?” Jean chuckles and slowly lets your cheek go, making you begin to fiddle with your fingers.

“I’ve thought about it,” you continue to explain without meeting his gaze. “And I’m going to do it. I’ve already let Mikasa and Historia know, they’re going to help me, and I’m going to go find myself again. I’m going to get better.”

“Find yourself?” Jean mumbles in disbelief. “What? What the fuck does that mean?”

You blink and steal a glimpse at him, noticing how bothered he’s beginning to look. However, you continue. “I need to go back home to heal. I can’t do that here. And I miss home. I miss it every day, and there’s a promise I need to keep for Eren. I can’t do that from here.”

Jean nods softly and snaps his eyes up to meet your gaze. “Okay, so when do we leave?”

You swallow back nervously and exhale deeply. “No,” you break it to him. “You’re not coming with me. I’m going back home alone.”

Jean's eyebrows furrow and he lets out a nervous laugh before he shakes his head. “No,” he stammers. “You’re not. Levi—”

“Is okay with it;” You assure him. “We talked, and he agrees that I should leave.”

Jean shakes his head again. “No,” he repeats. “No.”

“Jean,” you whisper and grab his hand. “I need to do this on my own, and besides maybe you can find someone else here,” you share with no ounce of pain, and that hurt him—“you can experience more of life now. You know? And who knows maybe, after this work takes you back home, maybe we can rekindle what we had.”

Jean pulls back and looks at you horrified. “Rekindle? Y/N, we’re supposed to get married. I love you. And you love me. So why-why are you saying this crap? Why are you pushing me away?”

It feels so much easier now. Even if you see him hurting it all feels so much easier to say.

“Because I need to do this on my own,” you tell him. “Because even if I love you, I know that having you there with me will only hold me back. Not because you’re a nuance, but because you’re my comfort, and in order to heal I need to not stay stuck where I am. Do you understand?”

Jean parts his lips but he just gapes like a fish before he drags himself out of bed.

“Jean?” You ask for clarification. “What are you doing?”

Jean begins to change back into his clothes and snaps back coldly. “Just think about what you’re saying. All this crap is stupid. So just think about it.”

You slide off the bed and grab his arm. “No,” you protest. “No. This is what I feel, I have been okay with it for a long time. I just didn’t want to break it to you because I knew you’d react this way.”

“How else do you expect me to react y/n?” He spats. “Do you want me to pat your back and say I’m happy you’re breaking my heart?!”

“Yes…No!” you quickly snap back and pull him to you. “No. I want you to be okay with it because you love me. I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t stay here. I can’t. It hurts too much, I need you to understand that.”

Jean huffs and grabs your wrists to pull you close. “Then tell me. If it’s about what happened at Marley then tell me. Please, my love. Baby. Don’t leave.”

“Jean,” you mutter with your annoyance growing at an unexpected rate that even catches you off guard. “Just listen to me!”

Jean freezes and steps back.

“Just,” you heave. “Listen.”

Jeans takes heavy breaths and his eyebrows slowly furrow as his mouth curls.

“I have to leave, don’t make this hard. It’s not supposed to be hard,” you cry between anger and anguish.

Jean scoffs and steps back to finish changing, you try to stop him but he pushes your hands away and takes a big step back. “No. No! Just leave then, if that’s what you want,” he hisses. “Then leave. I don’t care.” He turns around and storms out leaving you to look at the door frantically and in disbelief.

Yet it doesn’t change your mind, it just aches more that’s all, especially because he left you alone in the room. Which sounds pretty pathetic as someone who's already afraid of the dark, but you can’t help it, now you’re afraid to sleep alone, so you quickly change and find Levi. Luckily he’s awake too.

“What’s the matter?” He asks.

You meet his gaze and tears immediately begin to roll down your cheeks. “I told him,” your voice breaks. “He left.”

Levi exhales deeply and points at the edge of his empty bed. “Sit,” he commands.

You walk in and do as he says.

“You did what you had to do for yourself,” he adds softly. “Jean is a stubborn and hard-headed guy, but he’ll come around and if he doesn’t then that’s his fault.”

You blink repeatedly to push away your tears and respond in a quivering voice. “I yelled at him…I never do that. I was so angry that I was scared of myself,” you whimper. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Levi’s breath catches and he wastes no time walking over to sit beside you. “It’s not your fault. You’re just…” he sighs deeply. “Traumatized. It’s why if you want to go with no baggage then do it. Just choose what’s right for you, if it’s a mistake then learn to live with it.”

You slowly lift your watery gaze and look at him with a trembling lip. “Why don’t you go with me?” You ask. “We can go back home for a while. And then go back above ground.”

Levi averts his gaze and murmurs. “Cherry…it’s not my turn yet. But I will go back home when it’s time for me. You understand?”

It’s hard to grasp but you don’t argue. “Yeah,” you whisper with disappointment even if you had known the answer prior to asking.

“Now,” he whispers and pats the spot behind him. “Sleep. You look bad with those eyebags on your face.”

You muster a breathless laugh and drag yourself back to lie down and just stare at the ceiling. “I don’t sleep,” you share. “At least not anymore. So I guess I’m like you.”

Levi scoffs and gets up to sit back on his desk chair. “Aren’t we a pair?” He chuckles softly.

You watch the ceiling and sigh deeply as you dread leaving only because of the explanations and goodbyes you’ll need to give. You want them to be simple, and they probably all will, but will he want to say goodbye?

You hope and hope. And keep on hoping, but every day that week that leads to your final day, Jean never comes up to talk to you, he avoids you, he doesn't even have lunch if you’re there too. He's acting childish and you understand why.

It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt though. It doesn’t mean you don’t want to talk to him. But when that day comes for you to leave, for you to pack up your stuff you remain distant like never before. You don’t want to make him any angrier than he already is, so you avoid talking to him first.

You’ll say goodbye, but if he doesn’t want to speak about it you can’t force him. Maybe you’ll write to him when you get home, or a year from now when you’ve begun to heal.

Nevertheless, just as you are packing someone walks into your room.

“I’m almost done Levi,” you mutter without looking since you know you’re late. “Just wait okay?”

“Y/N,” you hear Jean utter.

You drop what you have in your hand and spin around to face him in disbelief. “Jean,” you whisper.

Said man holds your gaze as he heaves. “Don’t,” he says between his heavy breaths. “Don’t go.”

You drop your gaze and sigh deeply. “Jean,” you murmur displeased. “I told you I can’t.”

His footsteps approach and before you know it his hands fall on your cheeks and he lifts your head so you can face him. “Please,” he pleads. “Please, don’t go.”

You grab his hands and look at him with glossy eyes and discomfort as you have no choice but to give him reasons why you can’t live here a day longer. “I can’t stay, Jean! I can’t physically be here another day. Do you know that every day since you left I’ve gone to sleep with Levi because I’m terrified that someone from Marley is going to come to get me? I can’t walk down the street without looking over my shoulder every few minutes. I wouldn't even do that underground,” you cry and step back to hold your hands together as you feel them begin to shake.

“I don’t sleep,” you continue and meet his gaze with tears rolling down your cheeks. “I don’t eat. I can’t stand being alone, I’m angry, and I’m not an overly angry person, Jean. I’m terrified…absolutely terrified of going back, so much so that I carry…I…carry something that will end my life in a matter of seconds. That’s not okay. It’s not, I’m not okay.” You exclaim and watch him shake his head with his eyes filled with tears of pity and guilt, whilst also looking upset.

“And do you think I have it any better?” He argues. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now that it’s all over. So it’s not easy for me either, we can heal together. Just let me come with you, or stay.”

You shut your eyes and draw out a deep frustrated breath before you open your eyes and close the gap to grab his hands. “Jean, I can’t do this with you. I need to do it alone. Please understand. I love you, I’m in love with you. I will always love you, but please let me go. You love me so please let me go.”

Jean holds your gaze for a moment before he sniffles and nods softly in comprehension before he walks away, throwing away any chance at a good goodbye.

But you expected his goodbye, so you save your tears for later, wipe the current ones still rolling down your cheeks, and finish packing to finally head out. And of course, Jean is missing from the lineup, but everyone else is here.

“Could you look after my mom?” Connie comes up to you first.

You nod. “Of course I will,” you assure him and grab his shoulder to entrust something to him too. “Look out for him please.”

Connie doesn’t hesitate to nod, making you smile and step forward to embrace him tightly. “I’ll see you. Take care okay? I’ll write.”

“You better,” he quips. “And don’t be going around being stupid.”

You laugh and nod before you pull back and pat his cheek before you move on to Armin. “Keep fighting, a bit longer okay?”

Armin nods softly. “I will. And you…will look out for Mikasa?”

You smile and nod. “Of course I will. I promised I would.”

Armin is the one to give you a hug first, letting you let out a deep sigh as you slowly hug him back.

“He’ll come around,” he tries to assure you. “Just give him time.”

“I hope,” you whisper and rub his back before you pull away.

“Here,” he adds and shows off a letter. “It’s for Mikasa. Could you give it to her?”

You take the letter and secure it in your bag. “Right as I get down,” you assure him lightheartedly and step down the line to face Annie and Reiner.

And even if you’ve forgiven Annie, things are still awkward, and Reiner…well you still can’t forgive him or face him so you simply offer them something short. “Goodbye, you two. I’ll see ya.”

Reiner nods and steps forward as he raises his arms, but you quickly swerve his attempt at an embrace and face Pieck last.

“Goodbye, my friend. I will write because I do enjoy your company,” you let her know with a soft smile. “So expect them and write back.”

Pieck smiles and nods. “I will,” she says. “So I will expect them too.”

You shoot her a grin before you give each other a short embrace because in truth over the past couple of months, you’ve been together, you’ve gotten very close, especially because you didn’t have Mikasa, and Sasha is gone…so you became friends with her. And you’re happy you are.

Now, nevertheless, Levi is left, and you can’t embrace him like you want to because of his wounds, but you try your best with what you have.

“I love you,” you mumble. “I’ll write often, so I apologize in advance. And please write back or I will worry.”

Levi huffs. “Of course I will. I want to hear from you too,” he says softly as he caresses your back. “I want to see pictures. With that fancy thing, you took.”

You giggle and nod. “I definitely will take pictures.” You squeeze him a bit and inhale deeply to not forget his smell. “I’ll miss you.”

Levi hums. “I will too, but I’ll write, okay?”

You nod and pull back to face him with your eyes gleaming with tears. “Bye, Levi.”

“Bye, Cherry…I love you.”

You grin and feel content to leave with those three wonderful words. Yet you still look around for Jean when you ascend the ship, and find him leaning against a pole in the distance with his eyebrows furrowed and his frown deeply formed. He’s not happy but he’s there, so you’re content. You leave content.

——

*1 YEAR LATER*

To, Levi,

Today was a good day. I went out today, past the city and into the forest. You know the one by the old Survey Corps Headquarters? The one we arrived at when we first got above ground? Yeah, that one.

I didn’t realize how much I missed exploring. But, it was hard. Not because I got tired of walking, but I couldn’t make myself walk to that special tree. I couldn’t find the beauty in the simple things like the colored autumn leaves decorating the earth. I couldn’t see the colors as brightly as I used to, no matter how much I tried. No matter how many hours I spent waiting for my body to move.

I got so angry with myself, it’s so frustrating, I just want to see the world as I used to. I fell and cried until I couldn’t shed another tear. It got late when I could finally make myself walk away, so I camped in the ruins of our old headquarters. I can still remember all of them. I hear them in my memories. They can rest now, all of them.

Nonetheless, there’s an upside to my depressing exploration, my therapist says that it was a step in the right direction. Going back. He says that everything happens slowly, so please don’t worry. I’ll go again. I’ll make it to that tree. My nightmares will subside. The trauma I live with won’t be forgotten, he says, but it will hurt less. I will see all those colors rush back into my eyes, I will smell all those earthy smells, and find beauty in the birds melody.

Everything heals in time, I know I will. I have faith now. So don’t worry, okay? And please don’t tell anyone what I write, especially not Jean. I don’t want anyone to worry. Thank you again for listening…reading! My letters!

I should let you know though, I won’t be keeping you posted on my problems. I don’t want to dump all my shit on you. Just know I’m trying okay? I really am. That’s why I came back home, not only because I couldn’t handle being in Marley.

Anyway! You! Tell me more about this new Marleyan General! Are they good-looking? From what you’ve written they’re one of the nice ones. You should get to know them better, maybe invite them to some tea without the prying ears of your children. Haha. Get it? Making friends is a good thing, I am! I hope you’re doing well, tell me if you need anything, tea, pain reliever. I love you so much. I’ll wait for your next update.

Maybe let me know how Jean is doing. Okay?

Yours truly, Cherry.

P.S. Was it you who gifted me the kitten? Mikasa gave her to me and said she was only a delivery girl. No matter how much I asked my beloved cousin to spill who the sender was she chooses to be fucking true to her word of silence.

BUT P.S.S. We’re going underground soon, I’m taking Mikasa to go see it for herself, and I want to finally start helping, so I need to return to our roots first. Oh! and I’ve found land to buy. Cool right? You’ll have to come over and find out where it is though.

——

“Come on,” you encourage Mikasa inside a long-standing cantina you would go to often with Levi and the others when you were young.

It’s rundown, but it’s always looked that way considering it’s underground. From an outside perspective, it doesn’t look friendly, and sometimes people aren’t, but it’s home. You felt that the moment you walked in and heard the folk music being played on stage, as you saw the people minding their business around the bar, tables, and on the dance floor dancing without a worry. It doesn’t smell the best, but it’s an odd comfort after being away and missing the underground for so long.

“If you mind your business, and don’t look for trouble, we’ll be fine,” you let Mikasa know as you stop at an available table in a far corner of the cantina.

“Levi would bring you here?” Mikasa asks as she sits next to you to keep a watchful eye.

You smile softly and nod. “Yep, as long as he wasn’t workin’ he’d take me with him everywhere, he felt better that way.”

Mikasa nods and drags her cup towards her as she keeps her eyes dancing around the room.

“Relax,” you try to comfort her. “We’ll be okay.”

Mikasa glances at you, and it's at that moment that her eyes aren’t darting around the room that a tall guy with a black buzz cut begins walking to your table.

“12 o’clock,” you warn Mikasa with a faint amused smile.

Your cousin's grey eyes snap over in that direction, and the guy doesn’t falter. As he gets closer you see he looks not much older than you, he’s probably a standard built, but it also means he’s not from here, or he’s rich so he can afford food here. His eyes are the same color as yours, and his eyebrows are black and thick. He’s even got this cocky look on his face as he approaches the table.

“It looks mighty lonely over here,” the guy breaks the silence and reveals a soft-spoken voice.

“Yeah, we like it that way,” you cut off any attempts at a friendly conversation. “So please go.”

The guy meets your gaze and then glances at Mikasa. “First,” he says. “You wanna dance, miss?”

Your eyes snap to Mikasa and a teasing smile tugs on your face. “Yes, she does,” you don’t let her answer and push her off her chair.

Mikasa glares back and you offer her an innocent shrug.

“Just one dance and then I want her back or I’ll break your face,” you threaten the cocky guy.

“Alright,” the guy chuckles and leads a hesitant Mikasa to the dance floor to dance to the upbeat folk song playing. Now you’re alone but you don’t mind, not here, not at this moment. You actually watch Mikasa dance with a beaming smile.

That is until a tall woman sits next to you.

You ignore her and keep your eyes on Mikasa and the guy dancing with her.

“You around here?” The woman asks.

You sigh and mutter to the stale air. “Doesn’t matter does it?”

The woman lets out a soft chuckle and leans over the table so her face is clearer to you. “No matter how much people hide it you can always hear the accent. I can hear yours.”

You snap your eyes to her and the first thing you notice is her eyes that are the same colors as that guy that took Mikasa to dance. However, where his eyes carried a spark, the woman’s eyes carry evil and a spark of familiarity.

“What do you want?” You sneer.

The lady offers you a smug smirk and raises her chin to exert her confidence. “I came to introduce myself, I’m Marie. Your mother.”

.

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Tagged- @expectoscamander @greenygreenland @that-soft-lesbian-friend @dai-tsukki-desu @usernamehere91 @avocadopoosae @romancried @victor-criss-bish @moo-moo-meadow @stareatceiling @padfootii @ravensleepyeyes @thanosisadilf @dawneee @babyyblueey @leahseclipse @ifimnotabushimnoone @luvelyxp @ameliabs-world @dragon-master-kai

[burnedwriter]

What type of lover they are pt.2

A/n:i hope everyone is having a wonderfull day this is the part 2 of the previous fic,i just realized that i put diluc and dottore in the same fic....if you know you know.as always english is not my native language if there are any mistakes let me know.

warnings:overstim,bondage,edging,bj,threesome,c*m swallowing,exhibitionism, fingering,!afab reader

A/n:im not responsible for what people read,ageless blogs and under 18 do not interact.

💧Ayato

💧Ayato will spoil you,whatever you ask for it will be at you disposal.from expensive clothes to home decor,he can get anything you ask for.

💧he takes you to expensive restaurants for dates and buy you gifts,when he has free time to make up for neglecting you.

💧He told Ayaka to keep an eye on you when he was away for bussiness,and you ended up becoming best friends,Ayato is extremely happy to see you both having a great relationship with eachother.

💧showing you off to people with expensive clothing he has bought you,that hug your curves perfectly,he cant help but always place a hand around your waist to show to people who you are married to.

nsfw

💧He is a fan of bondage,he will tie you hands behind your back just to see you beg for him to touch you.

💧His teasing continues to the bedroom activities too,he loves edging you,he wants to hear you whimper and whine as you get denied of your orgasm over and over again.Its music to his ears

💧finally giving you the sweet realise you were chasing after hours of edging you,what you didnt know was that this was not going to be the only orgasm that you would have for the night.

‘‘Ayato~please i cant do this anymore~’‘you beg desperetly feeling your body tired as you feel your what would be your 4th orgasm for the night

‘‘Oh come on darling,i know you have another one for me’‘he cooed ,his finger moving mercilesly in and out of you.

‘‘Ayato~,im close again~’‘you cried out,as your bosy started to tremble,feeling yourself close again.

Your body shaking as Ayato continued to finger fuck you,your walls squeezing his fingers,your mind going hazy as you reach your yet another climax.

💉Dottore

💉hes not the best person when it comes to relationships,He might be the worst out of everyone on this list,this man is mostly busy making new machinery and doing experiments,some could say hes married to his job instead of you

💉he will make small mechanisms for you to put on your desk,like small ruin guards that can move things around to help you with your chores and also remind you of his presence that a part of him will always be there watching you.

💉He likes talking to you about his experiments and asks for your opinion if you find possible mistakes that have been made or going to be made during his experiment.He always asks you for a second observasions.

nsfw

💉Dottore will make toys for you ,to occupy yourself when hes busy with work or gone in other nations for long period of time.He will also use them on you while he is fucking you too.

💉He has both taken and given you aphrodisiacs,just to see how it will affect the two of you during your spicy time.

💉He is merciless when it comes to intercourse,he refuses to go easy on you,you will be a moaning  shaking mess by the end hes done with you.

💉He has let one of his segments fuck you right infront of him,while he watches.

Holding the bedsheets for dear life,the segment pounding into your cunt while the real one was stationed a few meters away from you his legs spread stroking his cock.His eyes glued at your face watching your reactions closesly.

‘‘Ah~hmph~i’m cumming’‘you moaned loudly

You could see that he picked up the speed of his hand to match the pace of his segment,strocking his cock rapidly,his eyes never breaking eye contact from yours

Both of you reaching your orgasms,with one last pump dottore spilled all over his hand while you collapse tired on the matress.

Getting up from his chair he marched closer to you,lifting your head with his hand,softly squeezing your cheeks to open you mouth.

‘‘lick my fingers clean’‘he commanded,forcing his fingers inside your mouth,your tongue twirling around them cleaning his mess.

🔥Diluc

🔥The best out of everyone,hes loving and caring towards you at all times.Though grumpy at times,he cant help but melt at your presence.

🔥he invites you to the tavern to keep him company and help him with the customers,He loves seeing you happy interacting with everyone and how they are coming just to chat with you.

🔥late night horse backriding where the both of you get to clear your head after long hours at work,you two get to open up and chat about your problems without getting interupted.Thats when he confessed to you.

nsfw

🔥He puts your pleasure over his,he doesnt care if he hasnt finished as long as you are satisfied,he is satisfied.

🔥He is always taking things slow and gentle,taking his time with you.Touching your body softly like its made out of glass that is about to break at the simplest touch.The only time hes is being rough with you is when he has had a bad day at the tavern but still he will ask you at the end if you are ok and bring you anything you need.

🔥So you decided to repay him back after taking such good care of you in the bedroom.Kneeling before him,your hands moved to his belt unbuckling it.

‘‘You dont have to do this,i will be fi...’‘He said

‘‘shhh....let me take care of you diluc’‘you cut him off and reasured him

Pulling out his cock,you wrapped your lips around the head before you started taking him slowly deeper in your mouth,as he hit the back of your throat,earning a few goans from the man above you.

‘‘fuck~ your mouth is so warm’‘you heard diluc grunting,holding his hips still so he doesnt make you gag.

Looking in eachothers eyes you saw the lust that formed in dilucs eyes.Starting to bop your head up and down into a steady pace.

‘‘Ah~ngh~’‘diluc let out low breathy moans at your actions.

Picking up your your speed into a faster one,one of your hands,moved to massage his balls,making him throw his head back from the pleasure 

‘‘fuck~i’m close love’‘Diluc choked,feeling him pulse inside you mouth before realising,you removed his cock from your mouth,swallowing his orgasm.