#first i fell for a man that didnt care about me (2020) but i got over it

[divineintervention-comics]

When did you first read the myth of Ganymede? And why did you chose to make a comic for this myth?

its a long and convoluted story but im happy to share. in 2015, i was in middle school, i made horror character designs based on the zodiac signs and those later became OCs (i have never read homestuck, everything i know about it was forced upon me by my friends in school). i used the myths as backstories for the characters when they are living constellations. i wanted to make a RPG and they were stars that fell to earth when the gods got too caught up in their bullshit and neglected humanity and the earth and now they have to save the world.

i was immediately attached to Aquarius (who is now Ganymede), he was always an androgynous perpetually dissociated character even before i knew the backstory. i was a teenager myself at this point when i really got into it, and i found the Zeus and Ganymede myth to be disturbing since i was his age. it stuck with me, to the point where i struggled to find the other constellations myths less compelling.

i dont know how to code and didnt know how to make games, i already felt like i was losing it bc its been in production hell since i was 12 and i was 17 at the time. i felt like before i make the game, i should make backstory comics for ALL 12 CHARACTERS (how i thought i would be able to do that when i only cared about 2-3 of the characters in the series who knows). i couldnt stop thinking about Ganymede, i couldnt stop thinking about a story where he is a character and not just an object in the narrative.

in 2020-2021, i made my first draft beta version, it wasnt called "Cupbearers", it was "Divine Intervention: Cupbearer". i just found the myth so compelling in a "i need to make a horror story out of this" way, i needed to cope with my own fears of kidnapping, sexual abuse, human trafficking, loss of bodily autonomy, transformations, immortality, and being stuck through this myth inspired comic.

Ganymede, even as Aquarius, has always been a cathartic character for me, both as a 12 year old and now as a 21 year old. i grow up but he is cursed with immortality, cursed with eternal youth, the world keeps moving on and he will never be able to catch up. stuck in the same spot, never moving forward, never moving backwards, just stuck working for the man who stole his life until the end of time, eternal punishment viewed as a gift by those who bestowed it upon him. how could you be so ungrateful? we gave you a gift. we took you away from everything you've ever known, we've taken away ownership of your body, we've turned you into a beast like us, being tortured by me is a gift, it is a privilege that i chose you, you ungrateful meat-thing.

but he is just a kid, i want to protect him, i want to draw him having fun, i want to draw him enjoying a good meal, i want to see him find any comfort in the horror that is immortality. he's only a kid. just a baby, barely even though puberty, his brain isnt done developing, he had a future, he could have grown up and chose his own life. i think about that a lot.

i just generally have a lot of thoughts, everything i write and draw for this project has a point, it has a purpose, its not just needless suffering i dont write despair. (some zeus x ganymede shipper vagueposted about cupbearers being needless wallowing without purpose bc i dont write fluff fics between a grown man and his child slave)

i really appreciate this ask!!! thanks for asking me about my thought process, i have so much going on in my head and i need to get it out somehow

[4uru]

Being in the shadowhunters fandom is fucking wild,

bc i famously dont like cc and been here for 3 years now holy shit, some of the ppl here were here before i could even say goo goo gaga and shit,

so lemme explain my journey that nobody asked for✌️🤡

i have a strong hate for tmi, bc it traumatised me at the ripe age of twelve and book malec made my queer tween brain think i was a mistake and a stain on the universe for being a closeted bisexual.

The only character i cared about was simon and then cc made him cheat on the two most wonderful women. That didnt go well with my divorced parent having ass. Do i need to mention that it was around this time i came out to my parents during quarantine of 2020 june and promptly got shafted and traumatised. 🙃

I only read tmi bc my stepmother got me chog. And i read a 100 pages before i decided i needed context for this shit.

Anyway, I finished tmi, hated it, wanted to read tda, then went on to read tda, illegally, and got shafted when I found out I accidentally read summaries of the first two books. And not the books itself, got angry at me for being dumb and then went to read the 3rd book, finished it in a haze of rage and sleep and I barely remember what happened.

I tried to litsen to the audiobook of tid and after like 7 hours, the first part, i fell asleep. And lost patience to rewind the whole thing.

So i gave up and instead finished chog and then finished choi but i barely remember anything.

Last year around september i downloaded the whole tid triology to finish it, i made it to the point i left off last time, but got bored.

I got thru 7hours of ghost of shadow market on yt before it got deleted 👀

I skimmed Sobh bc the writing style there is fucking atrocious I do not know what happened, and I'm not sure if I want to know either. I maybe will read twp when I'm an old man with chronic back pain and way too much free time on my hands. So yeah. I will read Chot bc of Alastair Carstairs and Alastair Carstairs only.

Love some ppl in this fandom, but they don't know me yet. Did feel good during Alastair Carstair month when I was most active with my fics and drawings and I saw my fav blogs reblog my stuff. i had extreme fanboy moments .

I fill the void in my heart cc created by drawing her actually good and fleshed-out characters.

I loathe this woman for many thing and one of them is, creating this blasted universe which has so much potential; which would be so much better if someone who knows what they are doing got their hands on it.

I may or may not have 17361881367829 plot Lines that serve only one purpose, "have jace and clary not kiss when they believe they are siblings and sebastine doesn't have a raging hard on for them"

So I'm just a Bengali queer+trans teen with a hyper fixation. This fandom is my hell but I got comfortable. I come in and out, and each time watch it becomes just a little bit worse than before.

[7xwc]

ok but does anybody knows how to heal from a heartbreak? please lol

[st4rry4pples]

alas, i have made it back from the trenches (my toilet)

man, what is there to say? kate was the first real queer female representation i had seen in media, which was cool for little gay me. aidy has always been one of my favorites, she just has this loving and fun energy thats impossible to not make you smile. kyle is the most autistic non autistic person ive ever seen and i mean that in the best way possible. not only is he hilarious in all the weird shit hes done on the show but his creations outside of snl are amazing (watch brigsby bear!) and i cant wait to see what he does next (just please dont let it be dressing up as baby yoda dear god). and lastly, pete... pete davidson has gotten me thru some really shitty times. as a kid whos anxiety and hypochondria got so bad to where i couldnt leave the house, it was always cool to see a rad lad like him being so honest with his mental health struggles. ive been thru a lot with pete, all his rich fancy girlfriends, his movies. i remember one day at school i had felt depressed and completely burned out, so durinf my lunch break i watch (part of) his special alive from new york, and suddenly my troubles melted into laughter... until i would find out later that day that school would be shut down do to a pandemic 👍 but his comedy definitely distracted my anxiety for a bit which was cool. no matter his tone deaf choices in women, petey boy is always gonna have a special place in my heart :-)

now, where the hell can i start with you guys. im gonna be open here, i started liveblogging snl in feburary of 2020 (i know im ancient) then the pandemic hit and i fell into the worst mental state of my life. for once i didnt have an answer. i felt completely and utterly useless and didnt feel like i was living in my own body. every day felt the same. of top of that in august of 2020, a friend of mine took his own life. so adding grief onto my isolation made every day feel like a nightmare i couldnt wake up from... that was until i thought of actually doing something and getting in the snl liveblog tag again, where i was very pleasantly surprised at the community that had suddenly blossomed out of nowhere. at first, our crew was small, but it grew and grew with every month and soon it became a tradition i looked forward to every week. things had started to feel real again and i finally had something in life to look forward to even if it was just for an hour and a half every saturday (mid)night.

flash to a year and a half later and i can honestly say i am in the best mental state since i was a kid. sure i have my own set of problems and the world keeps getting wilder and wilder by the minute but i finally feel real yknow? im finally with my friends again and ive gotten so much better with my relationships and myself and balancing things (ok for the most lart i have a shit ton of work to do) hell even with work i finally feel an ounce of motivation, im even motivated to do stuff i like again like draw! i havent drawn reguarly in 3 years! i can honestly say that tuning in with you guys every saturday night has definitely made a difference more than you know. and while a big change may be happening to 8h, hell they got us through a big change and now its time for us to root them through one. thank you all from the bottom of my heart from hearing me ramble about my special interest, i wouldnt be who i am without snl or the comedy of the cast members throughout generations. its shaped me as a person and im proud to contribute to this niche little community :-)

i love you all, take care of yourselves, [insert an snl reference here im too tired to come up with], and i'll see you all in october :-)

[borisbubbles]

17. CZECH REPUBLIC

Benny Christo - “Kemama”

So first off, thank you for the nice commens. 😇The past few months haven’t been the happiest time for me, so thank you for your patience as I scraped my bearings together for another post! 😁

So I will now extend that same sympathy to Benny Christo, whom I think I damn fucking underrated. Let’s jump in~

ENTRY ANALYSIS

As one may expect i INSTANTLY liked “Kemama” because you know, it’s a fun, laid-back, tropical afro-breeze, completely different from anything else we would see in NFs and the year. EXACTLY the type of song I was hoping the Czech NF would deliver (and deliver they did, see NF Corner). This level of mild like swung into strong unironic like upon realizing that the title is a contraction of “Okay Mother” 😍 and the song deals with the subject of overcoming racially-tinged discrimination and rising above the hate. That just feels very poetic and apt? “Kemama” felt like the entry that had to overcome the highest odds in order to earn the respect it so fully deserves, and still hasn’t fully reached it.

.In our Western European bubble, comprised mostly of gays and left-liberal straights, we have a very grateful and universal acceptance of many different kinds of [lizard] people that make up Eurovision casts. Yet with “Kemama” we may have reached  an unusually grimy undercurrent of coded racism. 

Of course nothing I read was outrageously rancid, than Cod for that. The worst statement I read was a double-whammy of “EWW THIS ISN’T CARIBBEANVISION” and “WHY WOULD SOMEONE FROM *KENYA* WANT TO REP CZECHIA IN EUROVISION?”, and yes they first got the continent wrong and then *also* got the country wrong in the follow-up post and then they were torn limb from limb by a pack of aformentioned left-liberals. I’m sorry but i can’t not have any other response than laughter in the face of yet another fucking MORON faceplanting themselves with words like a... racist JK Rowling if you will?

Still, while I never read something outright vile about Benny doesn’t mean I found his deniers really annoying and they were! Think “Ew Solovey is ‘Too Aggressive’ it will NEVER DO WELL IN ESC”, a statement that isn’t coded nor racist (and yet extremely false and misguided), functioned as a similar idea by the same minds. A statement borne from the same breed of narrow-minded stubbornness which has caused elitist morons to be all “there is **SOMETHING** about “Kemama” i do *NOT* like and I cannot lay my finger on it... but I **DO NOT** like it at ALL. It won’t ever qualify because everyone will think the same way I do” -- Eurovision snobs, tiptoeing around racial coda in January 2020.

 They would also insist that Benny was “arrogant” because he was seemingly impervious to their (de)constructive criticism. Like, if you were a biracial butterfly living in a slavic country who had to deal with statements such as the above on a regular basis, you WOULD block out the noise. And if you heard them often enough you will start to block them out pre-emptively. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW COPING MECHANISMS WORK?? (oh wait you’re white-privileged. Nevermind 🙄)

 So naturally, when Benny decided that he would revamp “Okay Mother” by adding in MORE African elements it only made me love him even more lol. 😍 Was it a bull-headed, contrarian and possibly really stupid decision? Yes, yes and absolutely yes. Was it worth it? Well he managed to incite even more meltdowns in a group of people I feel nothing but contempt for, so hell yeah? Eurovision was cancelled anyway so who cares how much ‘worse’ “Kemama” actually got. 

Okay, so we’ve arrived at the revamp.

Granted, it wasn’t the best ‘vamp, I’d be a fool to deny it. The new elements threw a wrench in the melodic balance of the song. Out went tropical laid-back fun, IN went that fucking guitar oh my god this is some Hotel FM piano levels of overbearing I swear. (nb: this still didn’t stop me from ironically stanning Hotel FM’s lame asses anyway 😍). However, it made the personal backstory that I loved and savoured take a backseat to the now inferior composition. 😭

Regardless, New Kemama was fundamentally the same song, and I fundamentally liked Old Kemama, so whatevs, it made no different to me. In the eyes of many Eurovision diehards we were experiencing WORST PRESHOW SEASON EVER (after three songs... lol) and nothing clinches this brainworm more than a revamp announcement. “OH MY GOD HE WILL RUIN IT! I CAN GUARANTEE YOU I *WON’T* LIKE IT”. Self-fulfilling prophecies, ya know? It certainly didn’t help when the official channel accidentally uploaded a vid with broken soundmixing (‘OMG HORRIBLE LAST IN THE SEMI!!!!’ calm the ever-loving HELL down) and took another FULL WEEK to upload the correct vid. The damage had already been done. Typing "SEE I TOLD YOU THE REVAMP WOULD BE SHITE HA HA HA” in the Kemama comment box really just is the ESC equivalent of reponding with “Actually, *all* lives matter :smug:” to a BLM support pamphlet, isn’t it?

NF CORNER

While not my favourite NF of the bunch, I found the Czech NF to be lowkey epic. Not epic enough to remember its name but regardless Czechvision or whatever marked the end of an era because it was also the last selection spearheaded by Jan Bors :o

I think I’ve made it clear enough in the past that I’m somewhat mixed on Bors Era Czechia - Lake Malawi were a toetapping good, Ickolas was a pockmarked, skin-crawling evil and the other three inhibit a purgatory somewhere between “moderately nice” and “moderate timewaste.”

Still, I have great respect for the man who orchestrated Czech’s comeback after scoring NINE POINTS TOTAL across three years with the mindset of “So what? Why says we can’t win?” so ofc I was all into the idea of the “EIGHT INDIE ANGELS, HAND-PICKED BY BORS HIMSELF” NF that would serve as his swan song.

Naturally things went down the drain the second Bors left, with one of the eight peacing and his successor cancelling the live broadcast (does anyone remember what exactly happened? I vaguely recall one was the cause of the other but lol it’s July can’t be bothered to factscheck (Factsczeck?) anymore, bitches.

Anyway, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF, and yes, there was plenty.

We All Poop - “ All the Blood (Positive Song Actually)”

Yes, as you can imagine I ofc IMMEDIATELY fell into like when I saw that chyron and invisioned the inevitability of the Czech Rep’s Rep immediately alienating every parent just based on their name alone <3 😍 w/e WAP quickly became that “Good but not great” song you find in every NF that everyone gushes over because it’s the whitest option available. Like, yes, “All the blood” is good, but musically it’s identical to Green Day and Twenty-One Pilots and god name ANY 90s-early00′s American Punk Rock band. For me the enjoyment came from the fact that WAP were openly crazy vegan fundamentalists and the VC clip actively condemns the use ANY animal protein by replacing the cattle and game with LITERAL HUMAN BEINGS. 😍 :fusedmarcintensifies: :kasiamosage:

Pam Rabbit - “Get up”

Ohhhh YES a glorious experimental Synth-Trap song only I could love and ofc I did. God what is there even to say; the provocative darkness of the verses combined with the swirling amorphousness of the chorus gives me LIFE. LUFF THIS SHIT <3333 Ftr, this was also the fave of Slovene Juror duo / synth angels / Boris faves ZALAGASPER, further proving their pathetic naysayers that they own all things music and the haters can suck a series of-

Barbora Mochowa - “White and Black Holes“

Lol, yes even with a “Get up” existing, there was a song I liked even more. Barbora proved a very competent Lana del Gay last year, but I was a YUGE fan of this year’s... Kate Bush-Björk blend of ethereal awesome. It is so soothingly beautiful and the rare example of a song that I find completely free of flaws. Were the competition not such a hard place, I’d be pissed she didnt win (at least she won the jury vote MASSIVE KUDOS to every alum on that) but w/e this selection had opions and I’m rather robbed of a “Kemama” than I am of a BRILLIANT IRREPLICABLE AETHERBALLAD. ~Danse balance sûr les white and black holes~

Elis Mraz & Cis T - “Wanna be like”

I *VERY* strongly felt that if the Czech Republic wanted to win ESC, they should have picked Elis and even now I STILL believe she could have won. That isn’t to say I gushed over “Wanna be like” because I find it kind of annoying lol. Yes, I LOVE an annoying female voice (:Tones&Icackle:) but Elis’s reaches a Camilla Cabello sort of place for me (good lord get Senorita OFF the fucking radio) and the Scat + White Guy Rapping middle-eight. 😬. However, the second I opened up the video clip for this paragraph and was immediately BLASTED by Elis murdering a ukelele and wearing a  “schoolgirl” outfit straight from a Japanese tentacle porn movie and OH MY GOD THE AGGRESSIVE TWERKING made me reconsider that hey, this min-sized Meghan Traynor actually kinda highkey owns, yo!  Yet, I’m not at all bothered we lost her in the Czech NF because we got UNO DOS QUATRO CINCO SEIS :fatmansplit: fill up the megameme slot instead, so...

Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021

BENNY RUINED HIS SONG AND NEVER WOULD HAVE QUALIFIED. jk I’m not a moron. Sure, “Kemama” wasn’t an easy sell because you know AFROBEAT in a contest where half of the people watching are fash (ie: all of Eastern Europe, who watch out of ~Nationalistic Sentiment~ 😬), but there are Kemama live renditions out there and he owns them SO hard lol. A few soundmixing issues really would not have stopped Benny from qualifying in that RIDICULOUSLY WEAKSAUCE SEMIFINAL are you fucking kidding me. He probably would’ve bombed in the Grand Final, but I mean it’s Czech and it’s not Ickolas so ofc it would have.

And Czech renewed him for 2021 regardless of the sceptics, woohoo! I think part of it was due the Czech not wanting to re-organize an ENTIRE NF from scratch without Jan Bors, but probably also because Benny owns live when he isn’t engaged in psychological trench warfare with actual human detritus <3 and also because the Czech fucking CARE about their artists and don’t drop them like a sack of rotten potatoes wtfshitprus.

Can’t wait for the moment when he qualifies and Efendi does not, etc, etc. 

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I’d say that the core around which the Ben Drama spun was pretty standard fare: niche fave beats out the concensus fave, meltdowns ensue, people convince themselves it was the WRONG decision because it wasn the result they wanted, try to disown the song and make a fool of themselves because the song slaps, sorry. Even the revamp drama felt more of less generic for me, because yawn fantards melting down over a revamp of a song they don’t even like what else is new.  

However, what I do take away that the revamp was ENTIRELY Benny’s idea which he told no one about (cue to JAN BORS having a social media meltdown like he’s Caesar at the Ides of March 💔) added MORE afrobeat just to troll his haters even more <3  God, I’d say it was bad from a musical perspective but this level of in-your-face defiance is fucking iconic and hilarious, sorry. This entire this year is so batshit bonkers that the concept of a someone potentially shooting themselves in the foot and “torpedo’ing” their qualification chances  (not rly, he would’ve Q’d anyway lol) JUST to take the moral high ground in a racially coded argument only HE took seriously may not even be the craziest concept in the year! (lol it definitely isn’t. Look at the pics I haven’t greyed out yet)

This and more yield Benny some well-earned Senheads! Yay!! 

Score: 3 Senhits out of 5.

[drkcnry67]

ttile: my alpha, my omega

pairing: John x Reader

fluff 2020 sq: age gap

kink 2020 sq: daddy kink

Abo 2019 sq: older alpha/younger omega

rating: 18+

tags: WARNING: THIS IS NOT FOR MINORS!!!! THIS WILL GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES!!! DO NOT PROCEED AT ALL!!!!! I REPEAT NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18… TURN BACK AROUND DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200, DO NOT HIT THAT KEEP READING THING… DO NOT PROCEED… THIS STORY CONTAINS VAGINAL PENETRATION, ORAL FEMALE RECEIVING, HARDCORE SEXUAL CONTENT, FEMALE HEAT, MALE RUT, ALPHA CLAIMING OMEGA, FIRST TIME SHOWER SEX, ALPHA KNOTTING OMEGA… YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!

summery: not telling

word count (optional)

kink 2020 masterlist  fluff 2020 masterlist   ABO 2019 Masterlist

Many centuries ago, in a land now known to the world as Russia.. lives a legend where monsters of myth and story roam… to the west side we travel for our story today where we meet YN a young omega who is unaware yet of her full potential…

YN a young single omega who lives with her aunt who has always let her be her own person… but this her 21st birthday was when she now had to go and find her Alpha… she was now on a journey that sooner rather than later would cross her path…

John a handsome rugged alpha whose passion in the 4th week after his 35th birthday would soon lead him to a city called Bucharest to seek out his omega who would be on a journey of her own to find her alpha…

~today~

you were walking through the streets it was another day, another day of go to various places and check on the small businesses you were involved in… your own aunt had refered you into some small business transactions that you were now in charge of…

walking through the center of town, your nose caught a strong scent, you began to follow it… you were not paying attention as always you were listening to everything around you… 

 As you grew so did your abilities, your strength, your speed, your smell, your hearing, your sight… but you sure as hell did not see this one coming… for just a few feet away from you was someone new to town, someone who neither of you knew at the time would soon both parties would be very very very INTIMATE with one another. 

You were close to the fountain in the center of town, john who was not paying attention either was sitting on the edge of the fountain watching and listening to the bustle of the city… You were the one who was stupid enough to not be able to sense this one… 

for you tripped over a stone and fell knocking both you and John into the fountain… this was how you both met… not the greatest way to meet someone but certainly a unique way of doing things… 

john was first to come up for air… he noticed you struggling so he reached out and grabbed you by the hand and pulled you out of the water… some people who worked at the business your family had you in charge of had witnessed the entire thing, they came over with blankets awaiting orders or at least one of them was…

the other was your cousin, Castiel… your cousin was standing there laughing, this earned a low growl from John as he helped wrap you in the blanket… then he wrapped himself in one… 

John: “are you alright?”

YN: “ill be fine, but i should be asking you that… its my fault your all wet in the first place… i should have…”

you stopped speaking when your nose picked up the scent that now sat beside you… this man, this man was an alpha, your alpha… 

John however was having a similar reaction, this was the start the start of something beautiful… 

Castiel and his collegue come up to you as your cousin begins being a 1st class dumbass… 

Castiel: “oh cuz you tumbled cause you werent paying attention, what a clutz… how the hell are you still alive with you being so clumbsy?”

you had to show some restraint… you had to try and assert some authority…

YN: “you there shadowing my cousin, is the nearby apartment owned by the family still open…?”

collegue 1: “yes ma’am would you like it stalked with food and clothes for you and your friend here?”

YN: “yes and get my cousin a mouth muzzle he needs to learn when to speak and when not to speak…” 

 You hissed that last word.. this made john realize how badly he wanted you right then right there.. he could feel the feistiness coming off of you.. this sent him straight into a rut… 

 You however were already entering heat, you could feel johns hands round your own and the fact that you kinda knocked him into the fountain wasnt much better… both of you were not mad about the incident… But you now had started shivering, John gently picked you up into his arms you began to lead the way… 

the apartment nearby was prepped and ready when you and John arrived… John set you down on your feet…

John: “leave us we will let you know if we need anything…”

the poor collegue left in a haste… John went to lock the door as he took off his wet jacket and hung it by the door… you stripped off your sweater and tossed it on the heater… 

John: “cute place… i dont suppose you are a single omega, are you?”

you nod as you kinda do a hair shake but shiver in the process… 

John: “you should shower to warm up… go on i might join you in a few moments… just gonna see if there are towels…”

you nod not caring… you slunk to the bathroom and start the shower before stripping off your wet clothes… you get into the shower and the hot water starts to warm you up as you just stand there not caring that John might join you, not caring that it was the middle of the day..

John outside the bathroom was taking off his wet clothing and making sure his head was clear and that he was fully mentally composed before heading into the bathroom where he knew you were behind the curtain…

you knew he was just outside the curtain, so you turned around and smiled quietly to yourself… John came into the shower and stood behind you… eyeing you up and down he felt something come over him… his senses going haywire… 

John: “fear not i wont hurt you sweet omega… why dont you let go of all the embarrassment from earlier and let loose with me?”

YN: “but dont you have to claim me before we “let loose” as you so put it…”

John: “are you okay if i claim you right here right now? i know you feel the same way about me as i do about you…”

YN: “claim me John i do feel the same way.. and i have a bad heat right now ive had it since before i knocked us into the fountain… help me daddy…”

John at that moment placed an arm around your waist, you placed your arm on interlocking fingers, his teeth changed into fangs he let off a low growl before spinning around so he was under the water as he sunk his fangs deep into your shoulder…

the feeling of being claimed made a loud shrill of moaning sound escape your lips... Blood flowed from the wound down between you and John just the feeling that you had been claimed was amazing... 

Then John released the bite, he spun you around and lifted you up placing you on his massive cock... He trusted hard into your virginity... He was getting as much pleasure from this as you were... The release came in waves, fast never slowing waves... 

John had you against the wall as he thrust into you again, his cock already rock hard again... your pussy throbbing for more, your moans turning soft to loud in seconds... the kissing was constant... the thrusts grew more and more frequent with each passing moment... 

with now being claimed every single rut and heat that you both had been feeling in the last week came on and on and on... escaping the shower after your recent release before it hit again you both got out of the shower and dried off...

John: “im gonna fuck you into the middle of next week...”

YN: “but the age gap the pack...”

John: “do we really care about that?”

YN: “no daddy of course not...”

John: “by the way keep calling me daddy and ill give you my knot alot sooner than we may plan to...”

YN: “yes daddy...”

John threw you onto the bed and climbed on top of you kissing you he was hard again, you felt him slide into you a moan released from your lips. the feeling of being fucked by your alpha had your mind going ten thousand miles a minute... 

Johns mind was dragging him through the dirt... both of you would have to face the pack leaders sooner or later... yea there are alphas but there is a council that guards every single decision made within each pack... 

one of those leaders happened to be your uncle... that leader had spies everywhere... he knew what was happening in that apartment right then... he was planning his attack... 

several hours later you and John were laying there waiting for John’s knot to take effect... covered by the thinnest sheet on the bed you were just happy to be in the arms of someone who cares deeply for you...

John: “when the knot finishes being released, we need to connect with our packs and face the trials of their thoughts on us...”

You knew he was right but you snuggled in closer, his beard tickling the back of your neck... thats when you both heard it the footsteps and running outside the door... 

John: “alright baby girl stay calm just move with me we cant let the knot escape your body...”

the door flung wide open John was pounding you into the bed as your uncle and his men walked inside...

Nazam: “excuse me what the hell is going on?”

YN: “be with you in a moment uncle...”

you and John finished and then snuggled back into a spoon this time with a thicker blanket over the naughty bits...

YN: “uncle, what an unplesent surprise what brings you and your lackys here?”

nazam: “dont play dumb with me... i can smell the blood, this man claimed you didnt he?”

John spoke at that moment keeping his arm around your waist...

John: “yes i did, my name is John winchester im the alpha for the north eastern pack... i came this way to find my omega... and i found her in the form of your niece... now like my omega here asked, What brings you here?”

Nazam: “well well well, let me see here ah yes im here to invite you both to the trials of rites tonight... there is still 8 hours for you both to prepare... now dont you dare take it lightly and if you think about skipping town we will deny the trial of rites by which instead you both will be exiled hunted and killed... that is all...”

YN: “leave this apartment uncle... we know our rights and legally im claimed by John he and i cant be seperated... and if need be i will fight you uncle...”

Nazam stands tall and eyes you with John...

Nazam: “i suppose you will stand by her side...”

John: “yes and i intend to marry your niece with or without the blessing of the packs... this is the life we both want and its together forever... i hope this knot that im releasing into your niece gets her pregnant the council’s laws prevent execution or seperation of the couple upon findout of pregnancy... now leave good day sir...”

nazam leaves his henchmen follow, your cousin’s friends come in and fix the door... you and John are left alone once more with eachother and your thoughts... 

John: “were you serious about fighting your uncle?”

YN: “were you serious about marrying me?”

John: “i guess we both have plans and together we shall conquer it all... now lets rest a bit before tonight so we both have strength to deal with what is to come...”

You smile as John still having you on his cock so his knot can finish flips you around so you both facing eachother as you both begin to nod off..

John: “yo lacky thats outside the door...”

Collegue 1: “yes sir...”

John: “wake us up in 7 hours we are going for a snooze..”

Collegue 1: “as you wish sir...”

the lacky left you felt John holding you close to his strong form as you drifted off into a sleep full of happy thoughts... John fell asleep shortly after you did... both of you dreaming of a life where no threats stood in the way of your better lives...

~thats all for now~

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S2 E12

quarantine: may 31 2020

season 2 episode 12: “Rubicon”

the guy is running. watch he just die and no one gets clarkes message. i would love it if clarkes plane just backfired but of course they save him. 

ok but wait why was cage just random carrying a oxygen tank when he himself doesnt even need one.

tsing out here with her own personal army. then just plucking these kids one by one. damn 

these grounders really be listening to clarke just because lexa said so?? damn these grounders be loyal minus gustus and that one guy that tried to kill clarke but then got eaten by king kong

is raven really the only person out here doing all this crap?? like does clarke not realize how big of an ask shes asking of raven? raven is magic and shit but she has some limitations just to be somewhat realistic. just chill the fuck out clarke raven is doing the best out here arguably more than clarke.

i love how bellamy is still wearing that hat still looking like sean malto. but also how has someone not noticed him? but i guess bellamy like joe from you as in if he wears a hat he magically blends in.

“...all of this is for nothing” way to put pressure on prettyboy bellamy like he didnt already know that. chill clarke everyone is trying their best out here. ngl i would hate to have clarke as a manager cuz i think she would micromanage the shit out of people. 

remember in the last episode when clarke asked what her job was well i think that i figured it out:

i also wanna mention that finn literally died idk less than a week ago but clarkes in charge being out and about commanding people years her senior. i get that we had that whole episode dedicated to how finns death affects clarke but still she got over that pretty quick. a little too quick. but i guess that if youre a sky person your emotional metabolism is just through the fucking roof...

ooo clarke still be salty toward her mom. but yeah kane is kinda an enabler

but why do these people have clear paper. the art department is feeling themselves on that one. like is it because they wanted to be edgy and futuristic or is it from an actual realistic viewpoint that the space people dont have trees to create paper................does this also mean that the space people didnt have toilet paper???????? but also back to the paper thing did these kids never learn how to write in cursive??? since i would imagine actual writing utensils are limited so idk if they waste it on teaching kids cursive. actually tho does anyone have an answer to these questions??? 

where did jaha get that antler stick. i kinda want one. i like to imagine that he just saw it lying somewhere on their way to the desert and said to himself i would look epic holding that stick and then went to pick up and started using it even tho he doesnt actually need a walking stick....any hunter x hunter fans?

jaha’s mask at 8:29 is an example of what not to wear during corona season

“thanks for the water?”...while looking down a bit flustered ”its, uh..it was no problem” emori and murphy? ship?

bellamy crawling through air vents to save the day...magenta from sky high who??

also bellamy’s ear piece is giving me everything. *i know that the following meme is just a tiny phone but i just really like it so idgaf

again with the inaccuracy of bone marrow extraction.

but what really gets me is clarke recognizing what procedure is going o just by the sound of a drill. ok who is she? she be like the boy that can identify a vacuum just by the sound. For those that don’t know what I’m talking about:

https://youtu.be/Ar5nLNku0CM

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A missile?? where did these people get a missile

But also imagine if clarke was like actually i didn’t catch any of that conversation and bellamy just had to recap it like Luis in ant-man. I would die

thats a lot to ask of raven clarke. Like i could never get that shit done no matter how long you gave me. Yeah ppl be screwed if i was part of the 100

That hug btw Clarke and raven...ship? Jk i know it was just a friendship hug but yah can never know with these writers. Like i honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the writers said enemies (being part of that love triangle with finn) to friends to lovers

murphy and emori are definitly a ship. walking together behind with everyone else. Murphy said “i killed two people. I had my reasons but nobody cared.” Fuck you murphy you killed them cuz you a salty bitch. I also hate how he says this so blasé. Like dude want?? Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Murphy also said im the bad guy. Murphy is a billie elish fan?? Duh.

woah when that girl pulled out her claw????? I fell out of my seat. its actually huge. she could grab a whole basket all. They did a great job concealing/ not drawing attention to her hand before like i was so fucking surprised.

“Its pretty badass” and murphy looking at that claw tho...murphy is into kinky shit. But also that look he gave her while she walked away that was the most genuine look I’ve ever seen out of murphy.

Bellamy shoving jasper into a wall and whispering...bellamy and jasper? ship?

this secret talk between bellamy and Dante....bellamy and president Dante? ship?

But i also like to imagine that during this meeting that bellamy has the song dont be suspious. Dont be suspious playing in his head

woah. Mountain man said inconito mode activated. Reminds me of one of those green soldiers in toy story especially during the opening scene of i think the first movie

This character development in clarke is something else like remember when she talked about the grounders wanting finn out in the open and not in private causing a huge public uproar. Look at her now talking in private with Lexa about the missile. Phenomenal character growth if you ask me.

they really put all their eggs in one basket with bellamy. But bellamy be a really good basket tho. Trust Lexa trust.

where tf did this guy get an RPG??

Woah Emori be the real bad guy. But honestly she could slit Murphy’s throat and he would still live because cockroaches can still live without their head.

raven you should have just shut up. You really dropped the ball there.

lincoln???? What are the chances??? Isn’t he still a druggie?? Honestly octavias little speech would not motivate me at all. If anything it would make me want to take more drugs. At this point i would just say to Lincoln “dont fight it”

i like how they took everything but they let jaha keep his stick.

caspian is reall dressed like a hipster that sells artisanal kombucha

Jaha really has some faith in murphy...jaha and murphy? ship?

Also that was a really good shot of them murphy, jaha, and their crew climbing up the hill with a giant moon in the background

Lexa is giving me padme vibez wearing that head scarf like that

they were going to let kane and indra die

yeah sorry to break it to you abby but your child is a killer but then again so are you sooo..you really cant be out here to judge your kid like that. Like mother like daughter. But you really cant lecture clarke on this. you literally gave your husband up and you let your daughter blame her best friend for it. And on top of this you were part of the council that sent 100 kid down to earth without even knowing if earth was survivable. ma’m get the fuck outta here.

but all those lives for bellamy. i think its worth it. Because bellamy is worth everything.

theyre linking arms they got monty no!! absolutely not. they took jasper but i gotta say better he than monty bc Monty is king. Yeah jasper really fumbled with that gun. Really not smart. jasper should have just shot tsing instead

Oof a containment breach. wow what an epic door stop. Sooo loong tsing. That was such a cruel death tho but yeah she kinda deserved it.

Does Dante play the cello?? A real renaissance man isn’t he?

wow this makes octaiva and lincoln like an epic couple that conquered the world. power couple. Goals *gag* but ok does that mean that Lincoln just stopped cold turkey just like that?? Hes just automatically better? No this is not how drug addiction works. But ok sure Jan.

[knicole0527]

How Did I Fall For Unwritten History?

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If she was a drug I’d take it . She grounds me . She makes love to my mind , heart , and then my body . Her way of words sometimes makes me feel stupid because she uses words I cant imagine using . My vocabulary aint that big . But ask me about math or science ? I’m definitely ya girl . She was my missing piece . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met .

But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side .

Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t .

Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending .

Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace .

Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock .

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling each other out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our mutual friend , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack .

Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .

We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete failure in the relationship .

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept making promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I deserved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal .

But now , Im better than I was still struggling though .  But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .

But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health .

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . But I will play the hand I’m dealt . Maybe I will win and marry the woMAN of my dreams . Or maybe I will just fck it up once again . We Will See .

[legion1993]

my alpha, my omega

ttile: my alpha, my omega

pairing: John x Reader

fluff 2020 sq: age gap

kink 2020 sq: daddy kink

Abo 2019 sq: older alpha/younger omega

rating: 18+

tags: WARNING: THIS IS NOT FOR MINORS!!!! THIS WILL GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES!!! DO NOT PROCEED AT ALL!!!!! I REPEAT NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18… TURN BACK AROUND DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200, DO NOT HIT THAT KEEP READING THING… DO NOT PROCEED… THIS STORY CONTAINS VAGINAL PENETRATION, ORAL FEMALE RECEIVING, HARDCORE SEXUAL CONTENT, FEMALE HEAT, MALE RUT, ALPHA CLAIMING OMEGA, FIRST TIME SHOWER SEX, ALPHA KNOTTING OMEGA… YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!

summery: not telling

word count (optional)

kink 2020 masterlist  fluff 2020 masterlist   ABO 2019 Masterlist

Many centuries ago, in a land now known to the world as Russia.. lives a legend where monsters of myth and story roam… to the west side we travel for our story today where we meet YN a young omega who is unaware yet of her full potential…

YN a young single omega who lives with her aunt who has always let her be her own person… but this her 21st birthday was when she now had to go and find her Alpha… she was now on a journey that sooner rather than later would cross her path…

John a handsome rugged alpha whose passion in the 4th week after his 35th birthday would soon lead him to a city called Bucharest to seek out his omega who would be on a journey of her own to find her alpha…

~today~

you were walking through the streets it was another day, another day of go to various places and check on the small businesses you were involved in… your own aunt had refered you into some small business transactions that you were now in charge of…

walking through the center of town, your nose caught a strong scent, you began to follow it… you were not paying attention as always you were listening to everything around you… 

 As you grew so did your abilities, your strength, your speed, your smell, your hearing, your sight… but you sure as hell did not see this one coming… for just a few feet away from you was someone new to town, someone who neither of you knew at the time would soon both parties would be very very very INTIMATE with one another. 

You were close to the fountain in the center of town, john who was not paying attention either was sitting on the edge of the fountain watching and listening to the bustle of the city… You were the one who was stupid enough to not be able to sense this one… 

for you tripped over a stone and fell knocking both you and John into the fountain… this was how you both met… not the greatest way to meet someone but certainly a unique way of doing things… 

john was first to come up for air… he noticed you struggling so he reached out and grabbed you by the hand and pulled you out of the water… some people who worked at the business your family had you in charge of had witnessed the entire thing, they came over with blankets awaiting orders or at least one of them was…

the other was your cousin, Castiel… your cousin was standing there laughing, this earned a low growl from John as he helped wrap you in the blanket… then he wrapped himself in one… 

John: “are you alright?”

YN: “ill be fine, but i should be asking you that… its my fault your all wet in the first place… i should have…”

you stopped speaking when your nose picked up the scent that now sat beside you… this man, this man was an alpha, your alpha… 

John however was having a similar reaction, this was the start the start of something beautiful… 

Castiel and his collegue come up to you as your cousin begins being a 1st class dumbass… 

Castiel: “oh cuz you tumbled cause you werent paying attention, what a clutz… how the hell are you still alive with you being so clumbsy?”

you had to show some restraint… you had to try and assert some authority…

YN: “you there shadowing my cousin, is the nearby apartment owned by the family still open…?”

collegue 1: “yes ma’am would you like it stalked with food and clothes for you and your friend here?”

YN: “yes and get my cousin a mouth muzzle he needs to learn when to speak and when not to speak…” 

 You hissed that last word.. this made john realize how badly he wanted you right then right there.. he could feel the feistiness coming off of you.. this sent him straight into a rut… 

 You however were already entering heat, you could feel johns hands round your own and the fact that you kinda knocked him into the fountain wasnt much better… both of you were not mad about the incident… But you now had started shivering, John gently picked you up into his arms you began to lead the way… 

the apartment nearby was prepped and ready when you and John arrived… John set you down on your feet…

John: “leave us we will let you know if we need anything…”

the poor collegue left in a haste… John went to lock the door as he took off his wet jacket and hung it by the door… you stripped off your sweater and tossed it on the heater… 

John: “cute place… i dont suppose you are a single omega, are you?”

you nod as you kinda do a hair shake but shiver in the process… 

John: “you should shower to warm up… go on i might join you in a few moments… just gonna see if there are towels…”

you nod not caring… you slunk to the bathroom and start the shower before stripping off your wet clothes… you get into the shower and the hot water starts to warm you up as you just stand there not caring that John might join you, not caring that it was the middle of the day..

John outside the bathroom was taking off his wet clothing and making sure his head was clear and that he was fully mentally composed before heading into the bathroom where he knew you were behind the curtain…

you knew he was just outside the curtain, so you turned around and smiled quietly to yourself… John came into the shower and stood behind you… eyeing you up and down he felt something come over him… his senses going haywire… 

John: “fear not i wont hurt you sweet omega… why dont you let go of all the embarrassment from earlier and let loose with me?”

YN: “but dont you have to claim me before we “let loose” as you so put it…”

John: “are you okay if i claim you right here right now? i know you feel the same way about me as i do about you…”

YN: “claim me John i do feel the same way.. and i have a bad heat right now ive had it since before i knocked us into the fountain… help me daddy…”

John at that moment placed an arm around your waist, you placed your arm on interlocking fingers, his teeth changed into fangs he let off a low growl before spinning around so he was under the water as he sunk his fangs deep into your shoulder…

the feeling of being claimed made a loud shrill of moaning sound escape your lips... Blood flowed from the wound down between you and John just the feeling that you had been claimed was amazing... 

Then John released the bite, he spun you around and lifted you up placing you on his massive cock... He trusted hard into your virginity... He was getting as much pleasure from this as you were... The release came in waves, fast never slowing waves... 

John had you against the wall as he thrust into you again, his cock already rock hard again... your pussy throbbing for more, your moans turning soft to loud in seconds... the kissing was constant... the thrusts grew more and more frequent with each passing moment... 

with now being claimed every single rut and heat that you both had been feeling in the last week came on and on and on... escaping the shower after your recent release before it hit again you both got out of the shower and dried off...

John: “im gonna fuck you into the middle of next week...”

YN: “but the age gap the pack...”

John: “do we really care about that?”

YN: “no daddy of course not...”

John: “by the way keep calling me daddy and ill give you my knot alot sooner than we may plan to...”

YN: “yes daddy...”

John threw you onto the bed and climbed on top of you kissing you he was hard again, you felt him slide into you a moan released from your lips. the feeling of being fucked by your alpha had your mind going ten thousand miles a minute... 

Johns mind was dragging him through the dirt... both of you would have to face the pack leaders sooner or later... yea there are alphas but there is a council that guards every single decision made within each pack... 

one of those leaders happened to be your uncle... that leader had spies everywhere... he knew what was happening in that apartment right then... he was planning his attack... 

several hours later you and John were laying there waiting for John’s knot to take effect... covered by the thinnest sheet on the bed you were just happy to be in the arms of someone who cares deeply for you...

John: “when the knot finishes being released, we need to connect with our packs and face the trials of their thoughts on us...”

You knew he was right but you snuggled in closer, his beard tickling the back of your neck... thats when you both heard it the footsteps and running outside the door... 

John: “alright baby girl stay calm just move with me we cant let the knot escape your body...”

the door flung wide open John was pounding you into the bed as your uncle and his men walked inside...

Nazam: “excuse me what the hell is going on?”

YN: “be with you in a moment uncle...”

you and John finished and then snuggled back into a spoon this time with a thicker blanket over the naughty bits...

YN: “uncle, what an unplesent surprise what brings you and your lackys here?”

nazam: “dont play dumb with me... i can smell the blood, this man claimed you didnt he?”

John spoke at that moment keeping his arm around your waist...

John: “yes i did, my name is John winchester im the alpha for the north eastern pack... i came this way to find my omega... and i found her in the form of your niece... now like my omega here asked, What brings you here?”

Nazam: “well well well, let me see here ah yes im here to invite you both to the trials of rites tonight... there is still 8 hours for you both to prepare... now dont you dare take it lightly and if you think about skipping town we will deny the trial of rites by which instead you both will be exiled hunted and killed... that is all...”

YN: “leave this apartment uncle... we know our rights and legally im claimed by John he and i cant be seperated... and if need be i will fight you uncle...”

Nazam stands tall and eyes you with John...

Nazam: “i suppose you will stand by her side...”

John: “yes and i intend to marry your niece with or without the blessing of the packs... this is the life we both want and its together forever... i hope this knot that im releasing into your niece gets her pregnant the council’s laws prevent execution or seperation of the couple upon findout of pregnancy... now leave good day sir...”

nazam leaves his henchmen follow, your cousin’s friends come in and fix the door... you and John are left alone once more with eachother and your thoughts... 

John: “were you serious about fighting your uncle?”

YN: “were you serious about marrying me?”

John: “i guess we both have plans and together we shall conquer it all... now lets rest a bit before tonight so we both have strength to deal with what is to come...”

You smile as John still having you on his cock so his knot can finish flips you around so you both facing eachother as you both begin to nod off..

John: “yo lacky thats outside the door...”

Collegue 1: “yes sir...”

John: “wake us up in 7 hours we are going for a snooze..”

Collegue 1: “as you wish sir...”

the lacky left you felt John holding you close to his strong form as you drifted off into a sleep full of happy thoughts... John fell asleep shortly after you did... both of you dreaming of a life where no threats stood in the way of your better lives...

~thats all for now~

[baenxietydad]

alpha desperation march aka finding nemo part 7 || mu jun

@moon-yeongjun​

  Word Count: 4521

Date: July 8th, 2020

TL;DR: Mu Jun has my entire heart, brotp: swynlake is better with you in it, damn it

tw: climate change is mentioned, suicide is mentioned

 MARLIN:

 The second the door slammed behind Nemo, Mu-yeol’s eyes that had stung with tears the past several minutes overflowed and with his son gone, he allowed himself the long, pitiful, ugly cry he needed. As much as he wanted to go after Nam-min he wouldn’t do that to him and humiliate him in front of the entire Hollow - as if he didn’t do that daily, by virtue of living.

 He laughed bitterly as he began to run out of tears and once his nose stopped running he reached for his phone to call Jun. Surely Nemo ran off to Tae’s, and he couldn’t exactly call Eun-jung and try to explain to her why Nemo was at her house.

 “Jun?” Mu-yeol said before Jun had even said hello.

 JUN: 

Why the hell was Mu-yeol calling? 

 He was in the back of the store, handling some emails when his phone buzzed. He picked it up and expected one of his many distributors or partners since Jun had made all calls to the store get rerouted to his cell phone-- just in case, eh? He had to be reliable no matter the hour-- 

 And so part of him thought about making it go to silent because he was working, wasn’t he? Tcch, what time was it even…? 

 Ah, after 17:00, he supposed most people (not Jun though) were done working by then. Maybe Mu-yeol was calling on behalf of Nemo about some trip or event… 

 He answered it on the last ring and his hyung’s voice crackled over the line, thick and-- wrong. Jun knew right away.

 He blinked. “Mu-yeol hyung? Is everything alright?” 

 MARLIN:

 Did he sound that bad? He must,  it felt like he cried until he’d cried all he could for the rest of his life. He wiped the last of the wetness from his eyes and cheeks and cleared his throat. 

 “Is...my son isn’t with Tae right now...is he?”

 JUN: 

Ah, not again. 

 Jun flashed back to just a few months ago to when he’d gotten a call just like this one. Well, actually he’d gotten some texts and then he’d had to text Tae and caught him in a lie. Jun huffed and rubbed at his temple. That huff was not toward Mu-yeol of course. If anyone, it was against Nemo, who was a real piece of work, wasn’t he? So dramatic! Flying off the handle-- no fairy pun intended!  

“I ah, I don’t know, I’m-- I’m at the store right now, hyung. I can call Tae-yah? Did you get into another fight?” 

 MARLIN:

 “Um…” he trailed off and cleared his throat again. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

 And that’s when you knew it was bad. When he swore in English. 

 “No it’s okay. I think he’s smarter than to go there this time. Don’t worry about it, I’ll...figure it out.”

 JUN: 

Jun had never heard Mu-yeol like this. 

 He sat up straighter as the concern ballooned larger than before. There must have been a fight, but why was this so different from last time? How long had Nemo already been gone before his appa had decided to call Jun? Was the boy in danger? 

 Jun stopped this train of thought himself because he didnt know all the facts. The only things he did know where-- 1. Nemo was missing and 2. Mu-yeol needed help. More than one type of help. 

 “Hyung, hyung, it’s okay,” Jun repeated. “Please, let me help you, eh? Tell me what happened. We’ll find Nam-min together.” 

 MARLIN:

 “No, it’s not, it's not, he said he hated me and that he may as well be dead to me too now, and it’s all my fault. I know I’m in the wrong here, I know — and he wasn’t supposed to — fuck, fuck.” He paced back and forth, or rather, his wings flit behind him as he hovered from one end of their house to the other, and repeat. 

 “No, I. If he’s not with Tae, I think I know where he went. I’ll ask Olaf and it should be fine. He’s safe if he’s with Olaf and Sindri.”

 JUN: Jun had no clue who Olaf and Sindri were. Frankly, he didn’t care less.

 What he cared about was Mu-yeol and, yes, Nemo. Whatever happened--it didn’t matter who was right and who was wrong. He had to keep Mu-yeol calm and learn the facts as quickly as possible. And right now, not even Mu-yeol knew all those facts. 

 “Let me call Tae-yah first,” said Jun gently and calmly. “He could be at my house. You know how those boys are, eh? Even if he isn’t, he could’ve heard from Nemo. And we can go from there, eh? Why don’t you meet me at the Moon Market? By the time you get here, I’ll have more answers for you.” 

 And Mu-yeol, by the sound of it, shouldn’t be alone right now.

 MARLIN:

 He should be alone, actually. Deserved to be. Forever, in fact! His son was right to not want anything to do with him and he would have been right even before this. 

 Yeah. 

 This was just what he deserved. 

 But he agreed anyway, to meet Jun at the store, and thanked him for his help. 

 “Hi.” He said quietly, when he got to the store, unconsciously wringing his hands together. 

 JUN: Jun did as he said he would and called Tae, and he badgered his brother until he could confirm that Nemo wasn’t there and hadn’t contacted him either. He double-checked with Eomma just to be absolutely positive, though he did not want to worry her. Naturally, he did anyway. But this might be a situation for worry. There was always a time and place; a missing 16-year-old sparrow boy plus a distraught, unstable father felt like one of those times.

 He made Tae promise to let him know right away if Nemo did reach out. 

 All this did not take a long time. Maybe ten minutes of phone calls. Then, Jun could only wait for his hyung while his own concern grew and grew. If only Mu-yeol had told him what happened. It had to be some fairy thing maybe… or maybe just...so bad to truly humiliate him. 

 What could do such a thing? 

 When Mu-yeol arrived, Jun ushered him quickly into the back of the store. “Come, come,” he said. “Sit.” He gestured to the chair by the desk where the ancient Moon Market computer sat. “Do you need something to drink? We have-- well, everything. Here, hyung, let me get you a beer.” He clasped Mu-yeol’s arm fondly.

 MARLIN:

 He almost declined but good god a beer sounded good. A beer on the house, huh? Damn. Jun was worried. He had to calm down before he gave Jun a heart attack. 

 “Thank you.” He said when Jun brought him the beer, twisting off the cap with his hand. “I — god. I’m sorry to drag you into this Jun, this is. Very personal family shit.”

 Of course, he’d been by Jun’s father’s side hours before he died. It doesn’t get more personal than that. Jun, whether he liked it or not, was family now. 

 “Your mother isn’t around is she?” And when Jun shook his head no Mu-yeol nodded. “Good.”

 JUN: Very personal family shit, huh? Jun normally would not press-- should not press. But his eyes lingered on Mu-yeol’s face. He was a handsome man, looking much younger than his actual years which Jun assumed was another one of those unfair fairy things. But right now, he looked very old and very tired, as if the light was being drained from him. 

 Could Jun truly be the support Mu-yeol needed without knowing more? 

 He opened a beer for himself, mostly to show solidarity. It was never good to drink alone, even if someone else was in the room with you. “Don’t apologize. You would do the same if Tae-- or even any of my sisters-- disappeared. We have to help each other.” Jun shrugged. “If it’s...is it some sort of fairy thing then? Because I know you worry about my eomma, but-- I’ll make sure to tell her only what she needs to know. She can still be of help. She wants to, hyung. She has great affection for you too.” 

 MARLIN:

 He only smiled thinly at Jun’s comment about his mother and shook his head. “Not to sound like the bloodiest character in a teen drama, but she wouldn’t if she knew. The fairy thing is the least of my concern, even.”

 Eun-jung would be surprised, sure, but he didn’t genuinely think she’d go full pitchfork on him. Her sympathy would surely run out if she knew why Nemo ran away. Jun’s probably would too. 

 “It’s not a...fairy thing, not really anyway. It’s more of a me being awful thing. A liar, the worst, take your pick.” He took another sip from the beer and sighed, running his hand through his hair. 

 “I don’t know where to begin, Jun. I guess...Nemo found some things. A lot of things. That I’d hidden about my life in Korea, and that I...didn’t so much lie as I omitted about certain parts of my life and his mother’s. And he’s rightfully furious.”

 A beat.  

 “Would you believe if I told you my wife was a Ph.D student when she died?”

 JUN:

Mu-yeol probably wasn’t the worst. 

 Jun could not know. But by the sound of it, he did what most parents did-- lied to their child, for the sake of their child. There was nothing inherently bad about such lies. Children didn’t need to know everything at once and certainly not things that could hurt them. It was part of being a parent’s job, recognizing those things. Was Mu-yeol’s judgment on such things maybe more lacking than others…? 

 How could Jun say? He wasn’t a parent, even if some days he felt like it. Okay, most days. It wasn’t Jun’s positive to judge. 

 As for the next thing his hyung said… Jun raised his eyebrows. “Sure-- well, maybe, depending on what kind of Ph.D. I can’t imagine she was getting a medical license.” Such things had to be forbidden in South Korea too, eh? Stil, fairies could go to uni all they wanted.

 “But then, you’ve barely told me anything about your late wife at all. I assume you told Nemo something different?”  

 MARLIN:

 “Climate science.” Mu-yeol said. “She wanted to save the world all of you are still in denial is in crisis. So-yeon was too naive to realize the world doesn’t want to be saved. Humans...you don’t want to put in the effort.”

 He fell silent as he tried — and failed — to sort out how to start the whole story in his head. 

 “It wasn’t that I told him something different, it's that I never told him anything to begin with. I didn’t tell him that we lived in Seoul. Human Seoul, not a Hollow there, in the city. We lived in a terrible basement apartment. Like the Kim family in Parasite. It was all we could afford.”

 “I worked two jobs and sometimes three to put her through university. I knew I should have burned all of those pictures. Her Harvard acceptance letter.”

 JUN:

His lips pursed as he listened, waiting for the understanding to arrive. But it never truly came. Jun was as puzzled as he had been since this first phone call. Why was Nemo so upset to find out his eomma had a life of her own, eh? Actually, what was so bad about all this that Mu-yeol didn’t tell his son to begin with? 

 He wanted to just let his hyung talk and maybe these reasons would still reveal themselves, but Jun still half suspected it was a fairy thing, whether Mu-yeol thought it was or not. Some weird cultural barrier? 

 “I don’t get it,” he said honestly then. “Why would he get so upset finding these things? He lives a very human life now himself.” He wasn’t sure if Mu-yeol even wanted to hear that, with the way he could talk about humans, but wasn’t it true? “You know, all the, ah-- human dance and human school.”

 MARLIN:

 “He’s upset I never told him.” Mu-yeol explained. “And that I used to live among humans when, for his entire life I made him cover his ears when we went to town. I made him lie to Tae about being a fairy. I taught him that humans, as a whole, can’t be trusted.”

 He took another sip of beer and then said, “And it’s true. Just because some humans like you are good...it doesn’t change what happened to my family. The Korean police just shrugged off my wife’s murder. It was just a fairy, no need to find who did it, the less of them the better, right? Never mind she was four months pregnant and still dedicating so much time and energy to saving a planet humans are killing.”

 Mu-yeol laughed mirthlessly and shook his head. His son’s human obsession? That was his fault too. He should have made Nemo just dance with the performing talents. Kept him in the Hollow. Letting him go to town for dance was his second big mistake. 

 “I only let him go to dance in the human world because…” he trailed off. Why was he hesitating explaining Nemo’s wing? Jun was family. Yeah, Nemo wouldn’t want him to know but it wasn’t like most disabled people had the privilege of being able to just ignore it. 

 Plenty of parents talked about their kid’s challenges with their friends. It wasn’t outing Nemo.

 “Nam-min was - is - bullied a lot by fairies his age. Even adults in his Talent look at him like a factory mistake. Like a waste. He was born too early and one of his wings never developed properly so it’s smaller than the others. He loved to dance so I decided to go back to working in the human world even though I was - am - terrified so I could afford dance class for him. I wanted to give him somewhere he wasn’t looked at sideways for his disability.”

 A beat. “He’s upset I lied. About my past exposure to humans, about living in the human world. He’ll never forgive me, Jun.”

 JUN:

This was a lot of information. 

 Jun listened to it all, drinking his beer quietly and not reacting on the outside. He could do that when he focused. Normally he simply didn’t bother to hide what he thought from the world, because the world didn’t matter. But Mu-yeol mattered. For him, Jun would make an effort...to understand. 

 Much of what his hyung revealed Jun did not know how to talk about or react to anyway. Like his wife’s pregnancy. How horrible. How traumatizing. The thought of it made him sick, and so he drank his beer, swallowed his disgust down.

 And as for Nemo’s disability-- completely out of nowhere to Jun. But how could he have ever seen it, eh? He wondered if Tae even knew. Now the whole… strange fairy-test-day breakdown maybe made more sense.

 He could feel pity next to disgust, and he hated that as well, so he drank again. 

 And then they were at the end and still, Jun did not know what to say. Maybe he understood better now but… aiya, he never would, truly. Nemo still seemed to be acting irrationally to him. And Mu-yeol’s fear, while sympathetic and warranted, was ultimately misguided.

 Jun should give no one advice though. Hah. And so Jun tried for comfort instead.

 “I...didn’t know any of that. I’m sorry to hear it. But-- Nemo will forgive you, hyung,” said Jun. He set down his beer on the rickety table where the computer was set up, and he grabbed the extra chair so he could sit down next to Mu-yeol. He reached out and grasped his forearm for a brief moment. “I...I see-- that this is all a shock for him. Maybe his anger is justified, no one likes being lied to but-- he’ll calm down. I know your son, and he’s very sweet and-- cheerful, you know, he’s not someone who will stay angry forever. And I’ve seen you together. He loves you very much,” he said this next part gently.

 Inside, Jun’s own heart panged and he thought of Abeoji. Bah, stupid. Why was he thinking of his dead father? He and Abeoji were nothing like Mu-yeol and Nemo. 

 “Perhaps it’s good he left to get some space, eh? He can...ah… get his head on straight.” 

 MARLIN:

 He shook his head then quietly said, “Of course you didn’t know. I think I’ve only talked about Nemo’s wing with Kanga DeRosa. And I’ve never told anybody about my wife being pregnant; not even the fairy queen knows, it...hurt too much to explain when I first sought refuge in the Enchantra Hollow. Nam-min doesn’t know and if he ever speaks to me again, I’m not sure I’ll tell him either.”

 Mu-yeol bit his lip then smiled sadly before he had another sip of beer. 

 “He doesn’t need to carry the full weight of that tragedy; Appa will take it. That’s what Appas do.” He explained. 

 Jun tried to reassure him that Nemo would come around but he didn’t believe that was possible. Nemo would be right to hate him forever even before discovering his lies, let alone now that they had been literally laid out on the table. What he’d done was inexcusable and he knew that. 

 He may be trash but he was self-aware trash. 

 “You don’t know how well Nam-min can hold a grudge. I’d never seen him this angry. Not when I wouldn’t let him go to school, or when I made him break up with that affront to nature, or when I told him I agreed with Mistral’s assessment that he shouldn’t be allowed to test for fast-flying, or even when he found out I’d been secretly patching Ashlee up for months when her father was hurting her because she didn’t want to expose him and my hatred and distrust for the police kept me from just trying anyway. Jun, Nemo hates me.”

 Mu-yeol sniffed as fresh tears began to fall and he quickly wiped at his eyes. “I t-told him his mother’s parents were dead and he found out they weren’t. They’re dead to me, though. I came here to shield my son from them just as much as I did to protect him from bigotry. They are truly awful fairies who tried to take my son from me, so yeah, I didn’t let them.”

 In hindsight maybe he should have. 

 “They told me that if I had to have lived instead of their daughter, I at least should have had the decency to not botch my suicide.” Mu-yeol said, bringing the beer to his lips and finishing it off. “I didn’t. My younger brother intervened, so first of all get your facts straight. Suicide is...the greatest sin a fairy can commit. The word about my attempt spread fast and the shame it brought on my family pushed me to consider leaving. The efforts to take my baby boy away made it clear that if I wanted to be Nemo’s Appa still, I had to leave Korea and leave the shame attached to Bae Mu-yeol in Korea. But it...it found me. Nemo saw it. In a dream, like he saw you. He’s found out all of my terrible secrets and half truths, after a lifetime of always defending me to the other fairies, like he — like I needed his protection instead of the other way around.”

 Mu-yeol scoffed and shook his head. “When I had to wear the crown of thorns as my punishment for bringing Ashlee to hide in the Hollow, Nemo shooed away anybody that came to gawk. He was loyal to me, defended me, and loved me, and I lied to him.”

 JUN:

Mu-yeol was not making a good case for himself. 

 Jun had always suspected Mu-yeol suffered more than he ever dared to show. But who wasn’t depressed? Who wasn’t anxious? Who didn’t have skeletons in their closet? Jun would be a hypocrite to push for Mu-yeol to talk about these things when in his opinion, they couldn’t be fixed. There were little, temporary treatments like medications and therapy and yada yada, and look, Jun wasn’t against that kind of stuff, he knew that they could work for people, but they weren’t solutions. Personally, Jun thought the best treatment was to just ignore what you could not change. Jun could not change his abeoji’s death. He could not change Tae’s sexuality nor Eomma’s feelings toward it. And so he just ignored it all. 

 When you brought these things up into the light, this was what happened after all-- Jun looking down at the concrete floor, no help to give. 

 He could admit that he’d be pissed at his own abeoji too for those lies. 

 He also wished Mu-yeol never told him that he had once tried to kill himself. And Nemo knew about that? Aiya. That was too dark. That was too much. And even for humans, it was a sin. Very selfish. Jun couldn’t imagine… 

 But despite all of that, wouldn’t Jun still love his abeoji? Of course. They were family. Depression was inevitable, but so was family. Maybe that’s why they so often went hand in hand.

 “I…” Jun started, stopped. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what to say. Of course...what you did- maybe it isn’t right.” He lifted his shoulders to his ears. “But you did it because you loved him, eh? He still loves you too. He will forgive you because he is a good son.” And of course it was a son’s duty to forgive their father. Wasn’t it? 

 “Look, if he ends up at my house-- he can stay the night. You’ll know he’s safe. And in the morning, you can come by and talk to him then.” 

 MARLIN:

 “No, he knows from last time you’d just hand him right back to me.” Mu-yeol said. “He wouldn’t chance that now that I think about it.”

 He heaved a sigh and shook his head, resting his chin in his hand. Aiya, this was embarrassing. Jun didn’t ask to be dragged into his family drama. 

 “I only wanted to protect him from the same thing happening to him, and keep him from his mother’s parents who would have only reminded him how wrong he was for being born the way he was, but he’s too angry to believe me even if he’d given me the time to explain. I know I was wrong, I know. But I — I couldn’t lose him too. And I think I will anyway.”

 Mu-yeol groaned and let his head hang low a minute. “I want to go home. Korea home. I’m so tired of…” he gestured vaguely. “This. Not that it would be any different, probably, but at least I wouldn’t have been alone. It’s so hard, Jun, and Nam-min…he doesn’t understand.” Or appreciate how hard he worked to give Nemo what he wanted, how much he sacrificed for him. His son was kind of a brat but it was because he loved him so much and spoiled him.  All of his sacrifices frankly meant nothing now— his lies of omission surely cancelled them out. “I’m sorry to drag you into everything.”

 JUN:

There were times he wanted to go home to Korea too. 

 He still thought about Korea as home. He couldn’t help it. For ten years, he’d only known Boseong even though Eomma told him at least once a week about how it was all temporary. She referred to Swynlake as home. When we join your abeoji...she would say because it was this inevitable thing. But Swynlake was too...small. It was hard to describe. There was just more sky in Boseong. In Swynlake, the clouds hung too low.

 Despite that feeling though, Jun knew that if he were to go back, find his old farm, walk through the same tea fields, he wouldn’t feel at home. It’d be like looking at photographs. There were things you couldn’t ever capture again. Even if the same people were still around, Jun was not the same person himself. He couldn’t be that boy.

 It would be the same for Mu-yeol. Hard to realize though, when homesick for a thing that no longer existed.

 Jun waved another hand. “I keep telling you, eh? No apologies. We’d be involved no matter what, Nam-min is like family. You...you are family.” 

 He couldn’t look Mu-yeol in the eye when he said it. 

 He coughed awkwardly. 

 “Swynlake’s a piece of shit, but it’s better with you here.” 

 MARLIN:

 “Right.” Mu-yeol said, chuckling nervously when Jun again insisted no apologies needed. He wiped at his eyes with the heel of his hand and gave a shaky breath as he bit back another apology for crying still. 

 Jun’s embarrassment at saying something so honest, so vulnerable, was enough to make him forget how embarrassed he was right now. He almost laughed— like genuinely laughed. It was funny how human men were so…emotionally stifled. Sad funny, not haha funny, but it was haha funny that he seemed to be rubbing off on the standoffish Jun Moon. 

 “Yeah?” He said, managing to crack a real albeit small smile. “Tell the Hollow that.” A beat. “Think you’ll come up with a good explanation for your mother so she won’t ask too much? I don’t want to put you in an awkward situation.”

 JUN:

Ah yes, he had said he’d come up with something. That was before he’d heard all of it-- and Jun wasn’t quite sure how he should frame this to Eomma. In the end maybe it wouldn’t matter because, well, Nemo was still a child even if he was 16 now. He should still be with his father. He shouldn’t run away. No matter Marlin’s crimes, unless they were-- abusive-- this would still be true and he was sure that Eomma would see it the same way.

But part of him wondered if all the lies at this point were necessary. Surely, Eomma knew more than he liked to let on. Live and let live, don’t talk about it, etc-- but she wasn’t stupid. Maybe now was the time for Marlin to come clean to his eomma as well. 

 He sighed and drank his beer, kicking back most of it. “I can try,” he said. He didn’t sound very confident. “Maybe it won’t be necessary, eh? Maybe Nemo will surprise you, he’ll come home sooner rather than later, spare us all the need for...more lies.” 

 Just saying it made him feel exhausted. But he said he wouldn’t tell his eomma; he meant it.

 “Don’t worry. We have some time, I’ll make sure to think of something.” 

[shoober56]

THE VISION OF DEATH

(So, first off, this is HEAVILY inspired by bojack horseman, specifically season 3 episode 15, so go watch it. This story is mainly about my character Alex, Now Alex...is one of the most depressing characters I've ever made. He has brain cancer, he constantly overdoses on pills, he had depression. Now, i made him for the same reason people make depressing things. The same reason people drink coffee in the morning but when they get home, chug another whole thing of it, the same reason you wake up and go' do i have to wake up? Why cant i just sleep? Nobody will notice anyway' Alex is...a filter, hiding the darkness of death and sickness, and speaking of death. This is Alex's vision..of death)

The party of the year folks, literally. Well, no, not literally, since im sure im the only one who actually goes, and everyone else is an hallucination, i know this, its a fact, because everyone whos in that party, that i fall asleep and suddenly go to once every year...is dead. It all started when Samuel died, poor bastard fell off a bridge, nobody could tell if it was suicide or if someone pushed him off, but the next night, i dreamt of going to this party...the next year, Roberts unit blasted open from heating problems, letting out the last of my lover that i kept inside, and again, the night after his death, i dreamt of this party, with him and Samuel in it. The party normally goes the same way, i meet my lost loved ones, we dance and party, we eat a huge feast..and then i wake up, without saying goodbye, and it hurts my soul every. Single. Time. During the feast, we normally talk about our worst and best moments in life, my worst changes every year, the years get worse and worse as i continue to swallow each and every pill i have, but the best one stays, no matter what. Back before Samuel and Rebert died, i met a girl, i think her name was Rose, but she helped me, alot actually, i could never repay her though, she left before i could, but i know shes not dead, shes never at the party but...where is she? I just wish to thank her for once..February 14, 2020. I chug another pill bottle and fall on my bed, i still see liquor bottles on the floor from this morning, its the last thing i see before i doze off..

"Great thing seeing you again Alex, i wish you would stay this time" Samuel asked me, it was weird, dying seemed to let him talk freely. We were both sitting in the kitchen, talking about the good days. "Dont worry sammy, i'll come one of these days, either from tumors or drugs, one of the two"I replied, taking a sip of beer. " Alex...dont think that way, i always thought you would die first but man, you're days are numbered, i can see it."Robert joined us, back as a human, not a piece of tin i was obsessed over. "Oh sammy, dont say that, he's a guest, and until hes not on, let him be himself." Samuel and Robert started talking, so i got up, deciding to talk to my mom...

The feast is always my favorite part, talking to everyone i care about, letting them know i still love them. "Best part? Meeting my lover, isnt that right alex?"Robert asked me, yeah, i mother never liked it when me or robert mentioned that i was gay, but i didnt care."and worst part, well, getting stabbed of course, i had to watch alex sob over me for the rest of my life, and i couldn't do anything, i didnt have the right mind to do it." We talked, Samuels was sad of course, and i was happy when my mom said the best part of her life was having me, but then it went to me."..well..worst part...uh...shattering ringmaster, is he here? I cant see him and...best part, meeting Rose." Samuel sighed "Alex, its always meeting rose, you never found anything better?" He asked. I shake my head slowly before somebody tapped on their glass with their fork, this is normally when i wake up, but this time it doesn't happen, i pause and my mother looks at me"um...Alex, shouldn't you be gone by now?" The person who tapped their glass stood up, and i see it, a hint of a green suit covered in shadow"oh, no, he should stay,he is part of our family now.."Ringmaster spoke before samuel looked at me "oh...Alex..."i stand up from my seat "..what happened?"The ringmaster walked up to me, his eyes glistening green"well...your pills caught up with you faster than your cancer did...im sorry.."he pat my shoulder. This cant be happening, i'll wake up. It cant be happening. It cant be. It just cant...

@noisynesroboticsauthor

[96xie]

2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

[pokefanbri]

I got in touch with my 1st love a couple months ago..hes a half native American & white dude, pretty pudgy now like triple the size of himself in middle school lol. Doesn't have much time left on this earth I feel for him, im glad I know now cause if I hadn't it probably would've been alot more devastating. Doesnt have to wear a mask cuz really whats the point. We met for coffee, got to hang out at the mall & he visited my work, we did talk & clear the air..got some things out that were left unsaid & i gotta say it really did help & we're better for it 😊 we're now cool & no hard feelings.

We used to be on & off in hs but the last time I broke it off with him for good reasons & also due to my mother 😒 If it weren't for him & our own experiences, & then every guy since...I would've have known how much I really love or attached I can be to someone (which has been all of them really but does disintegrate over time & going into new relationships they become just a distant memory as the yrs go by & then ur all about the new guy 🤔 basically right) or how unattached I can get when I just dont love them anymore...(of which has only happened twice)

For the record I've had 5 relationships my whole life...not counting flings..out of 2 they broke up with me.. & they so happen to be the ones i fell hard & fast for...its a common theme but they are the best ones I've experienced & I think I have a confirmed type now that I think about it lol. Im thinking too much again, but..they're top tier unforgettable.

I fell damn fucking hard this time around just like I did Thomas..don't think I got enough of him either...😤 seriously wtf is it with these charming & hilarious, headstrong, smart ass, string bean, stoner, Leo men fucking my heart up after only a few months time! What is the universe trying to tell me! I swear to God in another lifetime they would've been friends its an incredible likeness. History repeated itself it seems..I was so in love with him too, we were only 19 but omg he was awesome & we were ALL OVER EACHOTHER 🤤. He was my coworker, a red headed skinny bobblehead tho, & lived in my apt complex his best friend Danny boy did too in his own, hard core Call of Duty players I remember they high jacked my tv for optimum experience...😒 walking the tv across the parking lot was super sketchy looking lol.

Anyway after Thomas broke up with me for saying the L word "too soon" it freaked him out I guess & my brain cracked from the devastation...doctors are convinced it was the weed 😒 and apparently I ODd on Tylenol...crock of bs btw but whatever...i couldn't sleep & for days I was in a haze til I finally called my aunt for help & all of a sudden I was locked away in a psych ward for 2 weeks so they could observe what was wrong & diagnose me. Had to quit pima college & stop working, put everything on hold for my health. After I came back, Tom admitted he wanted me back but he hated my 1st love with a passion. I confessed I was back with my 1st as he was there at my side & visiting..when Tom had no idea where tf I was, me missing worried him sick. I had no clue & for all I knew he forgot about me while I was grieving over us in the hospital (I couldn't have my phone..knew a select few #s by heart otherwise he would've been the 1st I'd call), I was still dazed & super fucked up from the hospital..just outright exhausted when Thomas came to my apartment wanting to try again....yea I messed that up though regretfully. I told him the truth...I know it hurt him, hurt me too. Never saw Thomas again 😔 he was my 2nd, wonder how he is.

After I broke up with my 1st there was like a 1 or 2 month relationship with a fat Irish dude named Patrick I met from college, he insulted my mom..kicked his ass the curb 😂 yea she chased him away too just like my 1st...but an Irish version..was kinda a deadbeat anyway good riddance. I was alone for about 5 years after that til eventually met my ex-husband matt & was with him for technically 7 years & then that ended.

Long story short I was hit with another love bomb over the past year (T2.0 lol) & the fallout is taking forever to disapate lol...well good technically I don't want it to yet lmao, it feels good to love someone with a full heart except for the fact they ain't here 😔

I love genuinely & with a full heart, ive never had a problem with love, except for my abusive mother I sought approval for....never have I been with someone that didnt want it...didn't want me, until him. If someone shows that to me in a relationship it hurts me at the roots, u don't understand how much it brings out that little girl that just wants to be loved back..to be wanted. It hurts to think im not even worth that. I realize though that he may have his own issues to get past first b4 he can learn to give it back & its not my fault. I should on some things honestly but I don't blame him..not anymore. I blame my own trauma that made me so fucking sensitive & off-putting to him, going from 1 relationship to another without healing first, & not knowing how to function walking on eggshells around a new person trying not to piss them off...not knowing how to do a fresh relationship from the start again....when you've been with 1 person prior for 7 yrs.

I grew up being beaten as a kid, I have no father, my mother chose drugs over her own children, everybody in my family arent like a hallmark card far from it...its fucking tucson ok it's a hell hole. A good amount are notorious for causing trouble around the city, nobody talks to eachother..stays away & fends for themselves, or just killing themselves with drugs & selfishly hurting people around them. Very few of us are really trying to make it out & create life for ourselves but it's really hard to escape because we're all struggling. I cry because I've been strong for way too long on my own, I cry when I think im not good enough. Besides some relationships & friendships along the way for support guess who's always taken care of herself to survive, yours truly. It's a huge accomplishment that I've never been homeless, only a couple times have I had to rely on a friend or family member for a roof over my head & that was just 2020-2021,boy is it good to have connections during a pandemic phew, alot more tough to find someone willing to help. My big sis Lisa, my mentor assigned to me at 12 yrs old cuz my mom couldn't be a real parent lol...she says im a strong princess thats gone through hell & back, she's seen me do it countless times, she can attest to how much of a boss & survivor I am...she knows I deserve nothing but to be appreciated,respected, valued. I'm underestimated all the time because apparently people think they can read what kinda person I am just by looking at me or by word of mouth, hell no very doubtful screw u lol... i don't need anybody's belittling opinions of what kind of person I am ok, how about talk to me & ill see if u in the ballpark lol cuz I guarantee im a boss ass goody 2 shoes that can kick butt 😊. So listen here, I know my worth & I deserve a prince to keep me safe from the big bad world right? I need an actual shoulder to cry on not someone that'll walk away when I need them most 😔 Why tf do I feel like rapunzel & all I get is fuckin Flynn 😂 I'm a queen ok, hear me now.

This will be my 3rd own rented apartment. The 1st time I was a teen & imancipated...had that place for a few years 1st & 2nd love era, 2nd time was the escape from my mother as an adult & I moved away eventually got married. And now at another turning point in my life... escaping a very different hell & losing pretty much everything including the man that started it all, 3rd time is the charm right. Fuck my life sidewinder style. Honestly this is the best apartment complex I've found that I want as my home....its gated nothing can touch me from outside unless I say so, so at least im secure to a point.

Why am I talking and not sleeping 😐 I'm tired, it's 5am now. Yeaaaaa I'm done 💤

[thekaeb3412-blog]

The Story of How I Fell In Love With Unwritten History

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met . 

But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side . 

Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t . 

Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending . 

Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace . 

Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock . 

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling eachother out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our friend Ladaya , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack . 

Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .

 We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete faliure in the relationship . 

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept amking promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I desrved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal . 

But now , Im better than I was still struggling though .  But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .

But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health . 

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . 

[savingtheunderworldofficial]

Supernatural

For SUPERNATURAL STORIES THE SHOW ON CW KIE IS ON THAT HIDDEN

KIE CRYING GAMES

Yesterday stories and todays kie cring games

Supernaral sceanes in the movie so true events from born true

Yesterday night

I dissided to talk to dean out of hell

Then i brought him some stuff to smoke

I forgot to pay off the store out their angels warn dean about catagrismic of smoking

About stealing and eating

Then angels got mad demons agreed not they have to feed

Then kie ask satan to take him again

Then kie took demons and agenles and bringing them back to ocean bay city

Wait now on that new bugging boring city nothing but boring outsiders and goobers and gobber's signs up sign down to distract the non livers here fuck that take the island f u all this is shit town

Today stories is erales saving kie

She didnt know on how he got here

Well long time ago

The storie of kie

He almost killed himself

On a roof top in brooklyn ny

First hd writing many stories

Then he got paanoad

Then smoke came threw the mist

Saw his fellow comrad effect him

Saw that then he didnt smoke

Teteta

Smoked in the demons venasa house he saw it and wanted to know

Smoked from the demonz

Blood of dawn

Then more movie were brought

Andy beat up fake shit

Kie said not my prob

Left

Then another guy was called

Kie said take her

Then venesa started new blood

Kie started to win and loose all the time

Movie came between brooklyn

The fight of war

Bring back before i go foward

Supernatural started in the 70for dad and mom

Mom desided to take bare of her stomack

She stated this kidd is smArt but hon weektheld the babie secrete of him

Carlos and kie bagan to play fight new moves kie got kicked and hit theheat meeter past out with a bruse slash on his eye ..jonathsn shegod

The son of kie a demond took him. And both of them showed them thir future past and present real shit

It felt kie cried for the devils and christ

Both desided tk give him something a saving mission for kie so kie laged on the crown and said devil

If u take me and give kie everything

So movies after movies started

Kie over whelmed with marijuana

So he deside to take a jorney

Back to the worlds of worlds

Kie first lost jonathan at home threw his movue

Then kie started a show

Then kie fir got cuase kie

First was on a mission of

To forget knowing not why

He began to expectations expirence

Ladies came gone

Kie got mixed up woth real and daydreaming still to this day daydreaming and night dreaming

Some dream came threw

Black calm dreams of tottal blackness

Rest came hs becomes immortal in his future --- back to the begining

Greedy krueger came and lie got taking

Unrissitable to the lives of all shegods

And freedy and lie became best kids friends to save kids and give the kids all the dreams they had but soon cops got in the way and thought they where stealing but the kids where still becoming strong and the freedy kids and lie kids became a well of pals on an on saving the Miss treated kids.

Then kie started to pay off with the mission if the gods and the guardians of the heavens door verizon and all wifi mofted with tv.ma netflix to certify and certify and fda approved most still pending lie netflix under lulygeo netflix and kie verizon ai come to get her for once to save the underworlds of kids

Kie kept going back to see gods in heaven

Then kie started to fade

The kie started

To make a ruetine with the family

That came later still in the movue

Kie still in school college hofstra .audio research .meds school. He died as a homie pig back at it again Ginnie pic for most meds ..wats that certifying most meds seeing wats new invega keep him dead in the movies like dead walking movie robot to the future robots kept him

Calos when kie got hit the gods took both of us robots did

Im not sure what happen when i got kicked and steemed

Mom came with her man thought

Kie thought it was dad mistake

Thoght it was mom too

Both of them feel out

Kie sent down to family cuase kie didnt finish

Cuasin came from padros and nito family

Drugs came kie was to small for biz

Gif small time gangster if candy sweet candy games for kids all hollween candy

Mom use to give him his favorite candy corn

1800

1900

Kie started to sees that to guy cry and run over by the ppl of god fa

ther

Kie still playing with his god father

Went to have better days with godparents

Went out to places with them unreal family  love that he missed

STARTED TO LOVE HIS 5 YEAR OLD LIFE

kie started to eat alot of evetything godparent gave him to this day

Then ice truck cames

Jimmies ice truck kie loved that giving and resiving ice

That girl from that huse ppl where still living there

Kie ramiged to closets having fun and making a mess

Then the

Jerking cames kie started to jerk to the movies but loosing his sperm so

Hi desided to grow up get a girl

Kie guvkef gor his first time in weldon

But she was hairy so he didnt like it

So kie stated

About the lock

Kie mother went to work kie broks the doir again becuse he left the kie inside

Mother that took him left everymornin

He didnt havd a phone

Wat to do i shouldve waitef but ppl

Where still movies

Didnt have anyone but david and joshawa

The wroked constinlately

Kie stupind broke the door becuase for noresson hd just was scred of seeing the family leave so he told they left him without keys

I broke the door and found rooms closed his room was still there

Ghost home

No brother monfamily

None

He fell asleep in that house with ghost

Kie and john in the movie they where showing him kie died dereck died john and kie rapef and abused

Kie dont remember of that but images of waht papa saids no so i stoped

Then continualed with gods mission

Saved john

Saved dereck saved carlos irving and suhey coco and all of the family

Kie speacial boygirl

Kie kept smoking finding out this boy just smoked everything

From bleach to deroritns

Secrets he put on from that took showers with one smoke

Kie left desided to go to god

Kie got birnt in his room alive what a murder for kie

Then fifty camehim and fifty

Something eles

Kie shot him self with a gun fifty jumped and died

Kie alond with his shadows becames stronger smoked wih them but didnt know he was with them

Luz came in thats fity ppl

Kie here with ppl on top of him kie

Watching is movie unvale

Luz started to take care ofge came back luz was here is that lucy

Kie didnt know

Gorge started to love wachother inba family way

Themove second in the 2000

1980

Kie was piss broke so lucy got him in the syic kie stated to be a ginnie pig for the hospitals still is falles asleep after ever drug doss still the young doctor wanted to help

So wifi and all wifi bacame outside and inside kie desided to do contruction fir borroughs the kid got scared and said to everybody leave the water is coming

Kie started to ebsorb plans

Ameeb cam after sandy

Kie ysed it saved everybody everytume after weasther

Kidd alla doing it wring kie

Said stop u doing it wrong kie said the weatger we in ths black hole dont wroory about the weather

Aquamen put us uderwater on the world island saved us if was anazing she just saved us water all around in the clouds

I knew she wilk saved

Stop doing that kidd alla ameen

He stoped kie stop abd just called rhe supervilluns and superheros

Soon kie get swiped by this all the time

All his stuff that goes to the movie and music goes out all the time

Jumpers came.

Rapits gods that wore rapits saw his future

Kie desided that was a fare deal

Lucy kept getting swipped looking for kie wgwn they moved here

Kie started to go to programs and movie and music

So kie started to creat the phone with metro pcs

Swipper was still at work ppl shoyld play play with that for tv and for ppl but ppl gst convused it does take time u have pay with ur phone uf all have unlimmited verizon started to say kei work

So i wirk with all wifi-$

Money little

Kie cry more money kie cry kie got

Kie got bomb shehe loves that

A relive cane he serches fir that

That its hapoyndss us coming to a bigning

Thwn bigie and teo pack past in the 1900

Then kie broght back twopack and biggie

Gorge got a job

Shehe still gwts swipped for leaving

But kie savs shehe all over i call him that becise she hears the sound of shegods he goes beserk kie too

Boobs and tits got to get out

Momie backing looking like fools mmey lier u git beutiful and kie see u louching

Rich as fuck and dont give a fuck money yes

2000

Metrotron jailed kie

For hitting a cop then kie desided

Ti become a cop then the love stories became for àtill as a 4 year old he atill does good and legit and some dont know they get tricked by the other cops

Hehehehhehheheehehahahha

All Fun and games

Kie cried

2001

Kie moved over here

With crookes and. Murders and inzane in thek kie membrain

Ppl loved kie fight lived kie

Kie started with muaic kept getting swipped messed upcant issis came2002

Kie cryed

2002

Kie astarted with saint jons

Work came

2020

Movies

Came prat

Fifffty came

Fity got shit

Jokes cames

That mother fuckder always loves to asmoke awoke and a dick wide he ia

Fight comes to movies

2020

Follow them i want some issis coochie

Gangster mother fucker no call me mother fucker oooooo i want some kie dick swippped kie fucking shit chinesses food came a black humain soulder super soulder dilvered his no smokes and just food kie is alive he been getting his stuff and dillivering it to ocean bay i

2020

Astill in the study room where I made all my rhymes for all the rhymers for black people latinos and all artistitas..still making

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S2 E13

quarantine diaries: june 4 2020

season 2 episode 13: “Resurrection”

those buildings in flames. that burning horse. definitely reminding me of game of thrones

yikes. but hey can you give me a hand?

remember how they have one healer? i bet they wished that they had more than one now. they better at least start an apprenticeship. oh look at abby stepping up. but still only 2 healers in a field of injured bodies. 

indra said put me down reaper. yes while were on the topic. remember how much of a struggle it was to detox lincoln in the first place...am i just supposed to assume that just quickly detoxed himself after seeing octavia??? seems kinda too convenient. woah they just double tapped indra. but she aint gonna die 

i kinda agree that these sky people are the bringers of death. i know we dont know what kind of life the grounders had pre sky people but this all takes people within a few months and i gotta same damn. when shit goes down shit goes down. 

that is deep hole. how did abby hear kane? especially with all the gunshots and other people screaming and yelling??

monty can do anything jasper. they brought back the hand shake!!!! 

there are so many baldies. i cant tell them apart from lincoln. i legit thought that he was the one that was shot.

that touching of foreheads. i know it was meant to be romantic but it really seemed forced. i honestly dont see the chemisty between octavia and lincoln.

woah jasper. woah monty. woah miller. these kids were ready to murder. red wedding who? 

honestly i didnt care about fox so im not that mad. but monty you didnt have to show jasper the video. that just assault to injury

american psycho who?

where is bellamy? its been too long since ive seen him

abby and kane... ship?

plot armor is strong with kane. no waaaaay abby. thank god i though that they super radiation blood was gonna also give them super strength. but at last not that lucky is she. 

shes said im not leaving you. i know that aint clarke. screw clarke.

BELLAMY my boy. too been too long but at least you made it. bellamy and fox....ship? this better not be a ship

he said ‘really? because im not getting that.” bellamy vibe checked mayas dad so hard. bellamy is the vibe checker of the show. he went:

i feel your anger. yes clarke send out those angry vibez

how did clarke recognize lincon in the darkness especially when there are so many bald guys? not to mention she didnt know about him returned from mount weather after delivering bellamy

ooo abby using physics but when that concrete fell back on the wound. i screamed. ooo and ofc the rubble falls on them because the writers said why the hell not. 

aaah what an ethical dilemma. “all you have to do is surrender” but surrender means death for the 47 so that means 47 for one life 

its morning already. that sniper be there all night. how much ammunition did he bring?? 

this is not the time to be drinking Octavia especially not from a random, unlabeled bottle you found on the ground. but plot armor is strong like smoke wasnt even fully covering her

ooo yikes monty. its ok monty i forgive you

karmas a bitch abby. but also how are you still alive? what was that? did someone say plot armor??

abby said it is my fault. clarke is my daughter she said. ooof. way to stay quiet abby. what a snitch. but snitches be getting stitches.

you know it kane. yeah this is learned behavior

‘like floating the man you love to save your people’-abby the same people who only a few months later released the same video that she had her husband floated for. abby you didnt save anyone. fuck you abby. 

i dont like to play god or anything but i gotta say it abby i dont really think that you deserve to survive. but good on you for questioning that 

monty said screw this. yes monty. 

of course its bellamy. but how? how did he get there? how did know the way there? like did he have mayas father whisper in his ear piece where to go??

aww i love the hugs between bellamy and jasper

jasper brought about FINN and his peace talks. yikesssss

but wait tho. this sniper is hella far from the village with forest of trees in his line of vision. who chose this vantage point because it sucks.

clarke really thought she was gonna out snipe a sniper with a pistol. 

lincoln again with the headbutt

the shot through lincolns shoulder to the guy. what a shot? but how clarke?!! like clarke only had one shooting lesson with bellamy. but i guess bellamy is a REALLY good teacher i guess. 

oooo that blood. but where did that blood come from honestly? where did the dead bodies go? am i just supposed to assume that these kids rubbed the body on the floor in that weird pattern?

how these mountain men not suspect of an inside man. like no one is suspicious of bellamy? hes too tall, too tan, too beautiful to fit in with these pasty ass vampires. but i guess the hat is just erases all that

you would think that these guys would be dead but plot armor is strong. let me be blunt. i dont care about abby or kane right now. like they dont have that many redeemable qualities but fine let abby’s healing skills save her once again

“we got two survivors” but dont yall remember when there was another girl screaming but abby was like no im not leaving you kane. basically abby let another person die. cuz i mean its not like she helped kane that much yet she stayed when she could have been helping another person. hmm

wow octavia and lincoln are the most consistent out of all the ships. octavia you surprise me. like i really thought you would have moved on by now. but why does it have to be them? they are my least favorite ship.

what a party popper abby. and with that stare between clarke and abby. i have never seen such a toxic mother daughter relationship ever in my life.

aww indra and lincoln. i love when friends reconnect.

this conversation between abby and clarke i cringed. the relationship is so strained it hurts to watch.

but abby, are you really the good guys tho? if it werent for monty and bellamy y’all could have fooled me. because you really be doing some questionable shit.

this music tho. they are trying to make it look heroic and epic but umm they're not. like maybe they were going for phoenix/rising from the ashes, vibez but they look pretty worn out and tired if you ask me