#first of all tHE DOAS QUOTE...... THE DOAS QUOTE I WOULD LIKE TO ASK FOR SUPPORT

[the-bjd-community-confess]

Hello, Anon, this is your Oldie Chinese Diaspora Anon™️. I agree that these are legitimate questions and I would like to thank you for posting them. But I can’t quite shake the feeling that there was something suspicious with the background preamble. Please do not consider this as me doubting your goodwill. Please consider this my attempt to repeat the information that I have come to understand.

I collect Nendöröids. My understanding is that they are made-to-order and they require the handiwork of actual human workers. There are prototyped (and some of them are made) in Tottori, Japan. And the rest are outsourced to qualified factories in China. (More details here:

). Any figure not made in these two factories are considered counterfeits, and there have been multiple PSAs from Good Smile asking people not to buy counterfeits. As far as I know, when it comes to customising Nendös, most artists either use pre-existing, legitimate parts or sculpt their own parts. I have personally seen legit parts for sale on the aftermarket in different countries and I do not see modders who publicly announce that they use bootleg parts. One thing that I do see, however, is that there are legions of collectors – across the world – who advocate against buying bootlegs.

In fact, the most common admonition for Nendö customizers is to not buy the Chinese YMY body because they were bootlegs of the Japanese Piccadö body. (This is a lawsuit that was recently concluded. The company that produced YMY was fined over the V1 body, which was proven to be a counterfeit.)

I don’t doubt that there are unscrupulous customizers who will buy counterfeit parts as a basis for their modded pieces. After all, if these pieces are going to be modded to an inch of their lives, few care (or will be able to know) where the original base came from. But if I was a consumer and commission a modder, I think I -would- want to know where the bases came from. I would feel extremely cheated if the modder charged me for parts and quoted legit prices and sold me bootleg parts. Similarly, since we do not know the composition of the bootleg material, I would also like to remind everyone that the plastics are not the same between the original and the bootleg (which is why the bootlegs tend to be shinier than the more matte finish than the originals). If even the original will bleed plasticizer over the years, I personally do not want know what kind of things the bootlegs will leak into the air around me.

Finally, since you’ve asked in good faith, I think it’s only fair that your questions are answered. Once again, this is just to the best of my ability. Your actual mileage may vary.

One: The “ban hammer” at DoA tend to be rather arbitrary; but they are – on paper at least – very recast-aversive. I do not personally know if you are at risk under the very specific scenario that you’ve set up, but the risk is never zero. You also run the potential risk of people not wanting to sell you their second-hand dolls if you are, at any time, been suspected of owning a recast. It’s a very small hobby, after all; words travel.

Two: This is a very person-specific question – some folks weigh their personal friendships heavier than general morality; others the exact opposite. We have had this kind of conversations in this blog multiple times over the years and there’s no real answer. Perhaps the better question is to ask yourself “why am I asking this question in the first place?” “Why am I afraid of this?”

Three: Yes! Bootlegs of any figure/model/doll/jointed doll seriously hurt the original creator. Honestly, nobody tells it quite like Mr. Savage:

Four: If you buy a full set but only use one part, please consider selling the rest to a legitimate-only after-market business so they can pay you a fair price for it and the rest of the pieces that you do not use can also be sold to folks who need them. What you don’t need might be something very useful to someone else!

~Anonymous

[wolfgangie]

Sigma & the DOA

hey so this is kind of a part 2 of the previous theory i talked about sigma, fyodor & dazai. But this time i will go indepth about sigma & fyodor and their somewhat connection? Although this is more like an analysis there are some theories that i will mention

Well hello there, i went trough another rabbit hole of me and my friends conversation that i think is very interesting. This is connected to the theory that i mentioned before about how sigma might be based on the irl author of the book the Decay of Angels.

There is also another certain point of the theory on how sigma might be the real leader of the decay of angels (the DOA for short).

Ordinary man

This part is kind of ironic if you ask me, fyodor & sigma both keep mentioning about how sigma is ‘an ordinary man’ which if you think about it is.. ????!?

I dont think any ordinary man would be born from a book and has an ability (+ is in a terrorist organization😭). Which made me think what is so ordinary about him? Nothing. He isnt just ‘an ordinary man’

There is the point about the true meaning of ordinary.

‘With no special or distinctive features; normal’

There is a line between the word ordinary in our world and in their world. If having an ability is considered normal in theirs its not going to be normal in ours. Although for me, bungou stray dogs is filled with both of those people

Both ability users and non ability users. Safe to say, sigma is no where near the word ‘ordinary’

Fyodors story

Now onto fyodors side of the story. He (like sigma) likes saying on how sigma is an ordinary man. But one thing i think it weird is how much hes saying sigma is kind of like an alien..?

Not even an alien just something out of this world and is above all of us.

‘It is the hunting dogs that exists below him’

‘even you or i do not compare to sigma’

Now, its interesting to see fyodor talk about sigma this way cause… well he views everyone (ability users) as dirty ugly sinners but for some reason he views sigma very very high.

Cause sigma is technically an ability user why does he compare sigma as the highest of the highest in all creations in the world?

Now i will be getting into to points on why i think he thinks like that

1. Purity

Sigma is quote un quote ‘pure’

Fyodor views sigma as pure, why? Cause the way he says sigma was born 3 years ago, he has no idea what the world is like. Making him very distant to everything in here

He views every ability users dirty ugly sinners but not sigma cause he is foolishly nice, well more like kind. Sigma is more on the ‘good person’ side of the story, all he wanted was really a home in the first place.

Sigma is a kind person at heart, he doesnt understand the world fully on its own cause he was just ‘born’. I mean think about it, he was born 3 years ago? Of course he knows a portion of the world but not as much as how a person who grew up from a child to fully being an adult.

He isnt deemed as a sinner because he hasnt fully grasped the meaning of the world. That is why he is seem so pure in fyodors eyes.

2. The leader of the DOA

this is very simple

Fyodor views sigma ver high… because sigma is probably much much more than he is. (Which is quite obvious)

By much much more is how his connection and the true leader of the DOA really is. I mean to put it simple words, sigma is probably related to the decay of angels much more than he is now. As he could possibly be the ‘new’ or supposed to be leader,

Fyodor probably saw this and thought hes gonna lose with that big of a power. Thats why he probably sabotaged or wiped sigmas memory.

Fyodor talks about sigma as some sort of God that no one can compare to. Which is why i do think sigma’s role is much much more complicated than he already is.

Conclusion

I dont have a big conclusion in this one, but my point is that fyodor views sigma much more than he is now. (Though I will make a certain point about how fyodor said ‘nothing is more dangerous than an ordinary man’ which dazai quickly shuts down calling out on his bullshit.) i will say sigma is no ordinary man…

Lalalla another ramble this one also doesnt really make any sense but i hope you can slightly understand where i was going with this😭😭

[nikadoesanart]

Ello. So uh I'll get straight to the point...

Did Dazai's plan include Akutagawa's death? Like did he send him off knowing that he'll sacrifice his life for Atsushi when worst comes to worst?

I have theorized that he has zero empathy for Akutagawa, and I also think that he knows that he's sickly and dying and so he's making use of him before his time's up.

So I'd also like to think of how he'll react when he sees vampire Akutagawa, and if he'll feel genuinehuman emotions when he sees his development...if he lives.

(This actually my first ask so thank you anon!) also please note that I wrote this a week before ch 95 released

I don’t think Dazai intended for Akutagawa to die. I do think there’s a very good chance that he accounted for the very real possibility of Aku, and possibly Atsushi as well, getting severely injured when fighting Fukuchi at a minimum, if not dying at worst. After all, look at all of his military accomplishments. I’m couldn’t really say with confidence if I think Dazai did or did not know of the possibility of a vampire outbreak before hand, or if he knows of it yet. After all, we haven’t seen him or Dostoyevsky in a hot minute (this was written a week before ch 95 lol) so who knows what they’re chatting about now. I do think he accounted for the overall result of SSKK vs Fukuchi, as Atsushi was able to meet up with Ango afterwards fairly quickly. In terms of if he knew Aku would sacrifice himself for Atsushi, I think it’s more likely that he placed his bets on Aku willing to go to such extremes to show his growth to Dazai. Aku provided a chance for Atsushi to escape, which gives the ADA another chance to stop Kamui and the DOA. In essence, the sacrifice was for the sake of protecting Yokohama and later, the world (ideally).

I definitely agree that Dazai is by no means the most empathetic character in bsd. I do like to believe though that meeting and befriending Oda caused him to at least gain some sympathy. After all, he did tell Aku in Dark Era that, had Odasaku been the one to find and take in Akutagawa, he would have been having a much better time. Even if he doesn’t seem to feel (or at least express) guilt, he is certainly aware of the cruelty he is enacting, especially when compared to the likes of Oda.

I also agree in believing that Dazai must’ve known of Aku’s illness. Even if he didn’t sneak a look at Mori’s files or if Mori didn’t tell him (I say Mori because he is a doctor, and a very good one at that so it makes sense imo for him to have the files and even to look after some of his subordinates to some extent, plus he is the leader so it just makes sense for him to know and have this info imo), I very much think that Dazai is capable of deducing such a thing. Especially since Aku is his direct subordinate and he is very attentive to details. I don’t think Dazai’s perspective now is to make use of Aku while he’s still alive. After all, in past joint missions he’d drop a hint or clue knowing that it had the right incentive for Aku to act. Dazai certainly knows how to make use of everyone in optimal ways, but I do think that he does care at least a bit about Aku’s growth now. After all, he did mention that he took in Atsushi because he realized the potential in the strength that would later become SSKK.

Ch 37, p 33-34, translation by DazaiScans (tysm @chazukekani with the citation help)

I’m also really curious as to how Dazai will react to everything that has happened since Atsushi and Ranpo got on the ship with Fukuchi. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s trying to keep himself composed or focus on distracting Dostoyevsky when possible, since the first one of them to break can very much hinder their own side. Hopefully we see our two prisoners soonish (maybe by ch 100? Idk, I’m just throwing numbers into the void, don’t quote me on character comebacks lol). I also do both think and hope that there is some way to overcome the effects or at least the control aspect of the vampirism without dying. After all, why did Asagiri deem it necessary for Fukuchi to point out the importance of Tachihara’s ability to dealing with the vampirism?

Anyway, thank you again for the ask anon! Hopefully I didn’t miss anything in your ask and I’d love for this to turn into a discussion in the replies and reblogs >.<

Also again I wrote this a week before ch 95 so seeing Fyodor and Dazai so soon is almost a little funny to me lol

[superangsty]

for DOA - how ross found out abt chandler and joey? <3

aaa thank you anon! This took me AGES to write despite being quite short but it was very fun :)))

send me ficlet prompts for DOA so that I can put off writing the next chapter!

“We should cancel dinner plans more often,” Chandler says, taking a final drag of his cigarette before flicking it into the mug on Joey’s bedside table.

Joey sighs, half out of contentment and half in an attempt to expel some of the second hand smoke from his lungs, and he rolls closer to Chandler, slinging an arm over his waist. “You think Monica’s gonna be mad?”

Chandler smirks. “Oh, totally,” he says, “but don’t worry about it, she likes you. It’s me that’s the problem, she thinks I’m a corrupting influence.”

“Shouldn’t that be the other way round?” Joey asks, because really, he’s only met her twice. One and a half times, really. Surely she should be more critical of the new boyfriend than of the guy she’s been friends with for years?

“Hah, no, she thinks I’m a tool. But you, she thinks you’re this, like, beautiful Italian cherub who actually seems pretty normal for a catholic that grew up with Janice.”

Joey props himself up on an elbow to look bemusedly at Chandler. “Weird phrasing, but sure, I get the picture.”

“Oh no, that’s a direct quote,” replies Chandler, eyebrows raised. Joey pokes him in the shoulder.

“Still, I feel kinda bad. Maybe we should go out with her tomorrow?”

He watches for a second as Chandler counts the days on his hands, then lolls his head back with a groan.

“Ugh, I can’t,” he says, “I’ve got a thing with Ross.”

Joey’s not met Ross yet. He’s the only one of Chandler’s friends that he hasn’t, actually. Obviously, he’d already known Janice, and Monica and Phoebe living across the hall from him meant he was bound to run into them eventually. Awkward, though, that the first time he’d met two of his new boyfriend’s best friends was when he’d had said boyfriend pushed up against his front door to make out.

He’s not sure Chandler would ever have introduced them if that hadn’t happened. He’s awkward about stuff like that, talking about his love life. Maybe that’s why he’s reluctant to let him meet Ross.

Though, to be fair to Chandler, because Chandler’s great, maybe it’s Ross that’s the problem. When they’d first started dating last month, Janice had given him a run-down on Chandler’s little gang (Monica: control freak, Phoebe: hippie, Carol: annoyingly nice), and when she’d got to Ross all she’d said was “Ross sucks, don’t bother with him,” and also “but oof, I still would, y’know? Like, no questions asked.”

Still, he really likes Chandler. Like, he really likes him. And Ross is Chandler’s best friend, so Janice’s opinions aside he still feels like he should try get to know him.

“Got room for one more?”

“Joey…” Chandler sighs, wiping a hand over his face. “It’s Star Trek. The thing I’ve got with Ross is sitting on my couch eating takeout and watching Star Trek.”

What a fucking nerd. Joey desperately wants to kiss him. “Hey, no, Star Trek’s cool,” he says. It’s not. He leans up to press his lips to Chandler’s. “I like the doctor, uh, Crusher? Talk about milfs, right?”

Chandler groans. “Dear god, I hope you never meet my mother.”

“So, Star Trek?”

“Fine. Star Trek. My place at 7, and you’re buying the pizza.”

*

In the month they’ve been dating, Joey’s showed up early for every single thing they’ve planned, so Chandler’s pretty certain he’ll show up a while before the new episode starts. He just hopes he’s not so early that Chandler doesn’t get a chance to talk to Ross first.

Or, maybe he does want him to be that early, because Ross is sitting across from Chandler and he just really, really doesn’t want to be having this conversation.

So, Ross, he should say, I’ve been dating this guy, and I want you to meet him. And, just in case Ross tries to protest, he should add: he’s paying for the pizzas and he’ll be over in a few minutes, so play nice.

Or: So, Ross. Remember Janice, my good friend and your ex-girlfriend from freshman year? Well I’m screwing her cousin, he’ll be over in a few minutes.

So, Ross. I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love, isn’t that the most fucked up thing you’ve ever heard? Anyway he thinks Dr Crusher is a milf and he’ll be over in a few minutes.

Yeah, right.

“So, Ross,” he says, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I probably should’ve checked with you first, but I invited a friend to come watch with us tonight?”

“Huh?” Ross looks up from his textbook. “Oh, sure man, whatever. What’s his name?”

“Joey. His name is Joey. My friend.” Chandler rocks on his feet, staring at the wall past Ross. “He’s my. My good friend.”

“Oh, like – like a friend friend?” Ross asks. Chandler really fucking hopes the blush he feels rising isn’t visible. “You want some, uh, privacy? I can go?”

“Nah, man,” Chandler replies, cringing at the way he automatically switches into ‘bro mode’, how his voice gets just that fraction deeper. “It’s cool, I mean. I just wanna hang out with my best friend and my – and – him. He’s bringing pizzas.”

Ross shrugs and goes back to scribbling in the margins of his textbook – PhD students, honestly – and a few minutes later the buzzer sounds and Joey comes up wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, two pizzas and a six pack of beers in his hands.

His whole face lights up in a smile when he sees Chandler, and his hair is ungelled and hanging over his eyes and christ, Chandler wants to kiss him, but instead he waves Ross over to introduce him.

“Nice to meet you,” Ross greets, polite but uninterested.

“You too,” Joey says, polite but sincere, same as always.

Ross glances down at Joey’s sweatshirt, the corner of his mouth twitching up. “You like the Knicks?”

Joey grins. “Hell yeah, dude!” he says, and raises a hand to offer Ross a hi-five.

Ross hi-fives him, and his shoulders seem to lose some of their tension. He nods over at the TV, sitting on its sad little stand. “Here, sit wherever you like, it’s nearly time for it to start.”

[toxicjayhoe]

We don’t have to dance

Explicit

Shinso / Reader(OC)

M / F

Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot

I mean there's some plot in my head but y'all don't get to see that haha

Cunnilingus

Blow Jobs

Hitoshi is a good boy

he asks for consent

Brainwashing

Oral Sex

Vaginal Sex

Unprotected Sex

Aged-Up Character(s) obviously

Light Dom/sub

Choking

Ahegao

Smut

He glanced across the overcrowded room, observing acquaintances and strangers as they socialized and sipped their drinks, swaying to the beat of the music. The open space of the hero office had been rearranged as to accommodate as many individuals as possible for this year’s Christmas celebration.

Shinso had never really been the type who partied, but he thought it was important to attend, if only for appearances sake. As a new Pro-hero, he believed it was a necessity to demonstrate he was a team player.

He took a mouthful of his cider, feeling it burn down his throat as he swallowed the effervescent drink. He never really drank either, but he enjoyed a nice glass every once in a while.

The couch he rested on was quite comfortable, he thought to himself as he settled back into it. He was more than content in just sitting here all evening until he believed it was acceptable to leave. He wasn’t interested in idle conversation about the weather or whatever these people were gossiping about to one another.

However, the universe had other plans for him it seemed, as Denki quickly approached him, shots in hand.

“Hey bestie, down this and let’s go get some ladies.” The blond handed the liquor towards him, urging him to take it, waggling his eyebrows and winking.

Shinso sighed, ignoring the offending alcohol currently being offered to him. “What ladies, Denki? We are at the bottom of the food chain here.”

“My dude, it’s a Christmas office party. Have you never seen a movie in your life? Things always get spicy at Christmas office parties.” He cackled, downing one of the shots and throwing the empty cup behind him. He pulled another from behind his back.

The purple haired man made a face, before chuckling quietly. “Where did that one come from?!”

Denki shrugged, shoving the two shots into Shinso’s hands. He rolled his purple eyes, giving in to maybe the only true friend he had.

He brought them to his lips, one after the other, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and placing the empty receptacles on the table by him. Of course Denki had chosen peppermint schnapps.

“I’m only going to be your wingman, and only because you could really use the support.” He said with a bored tone to his voice as he pushed himself up from the sofa. Denki whooped enthusiastically, rushing off to where Shinso could only assume the ladies were.

He unhurriedly trailed after him, making his way between the gatherings of individuals, being vigilant as to not come into contact with anyone as he passed them. He wasn’t fond of strangers to start, much less being touched by them in any way.

He was terrific at communicating when he was obligated to, which was merely when he was required to use his Quirk. He still had issues with it and, even now, citizens still told him it was better suited for a villain, but he’d come to terms with not being able to please everyone. As long as he did a respectable job as a pro-hero and protecting the populace, then he would be happy.

Once he finally made it beyond the crowd and to where Denki had run off to, said man was being rejected by yet another woman.

Jaw clenched as not to show any suggestion of a smirk, he clapped the blond on the back in sympathy.

“You’re aiming way too high, Denki. And you try too hard.” He said simply, unsure if it was the right thing to say or not. Nonetheless, the shorter man smiled up at him, seemingly undeterred by yet another loss.

“Let’s go play foosball!” Denki hollered, forcing him in the direction of the tabletop game, stealing two additional beverages as a waiter walked by them.

They played a few rounds, one versus the other. Shinso loathed to admit it, but he had struggled to keep up with the innate talent Denki appeared to have at the game.

Just as he began to genuinely start enjoying his night, Denki sprinted off, declaring he needed to piss. Shinso took the moment alone to survey his surroundings once more, taking in the sight of people’s inhibitions all but forgotten as alcohol started influencing their behaviors. He took another sip of his own drink, finishing it in one gulp.

If he was being honest with himself, he was also starting to feel the affects drinking had on his body and on his mind.

He leaned onto the wall behind him, arms crossed on his chest as Denki came into sight, marching towards him, arms intertwined with the two women at his sides.

One of them he recognized as Jiro, whom he was relatively convinced Denki had a major crush on. The other, however, he could not recall ever having the pleasure of meeting.

“Shinso, don’t be rude, say hi!” He rolled his eyes before nodding silently at them both. “Good enough. Okay! Me and Jiro against the two of you. Let’s do this.”

/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*/\*\/*

Shinso was sure Denki had let him win for some odd reason his mind could not fathom.

As the two of them argued over why they lost the game, he cleared his throat, offering his hand to the shorter woman by his side

“I’m Shinso. Hitoshi Shinso. It’s nice to make your acquaintance”

She smiled, giving him a firm handshake.

“I know who you are, Brainwashing Hero.” His eyes widened, astonished anyone, let alone an alluring young woman, would know who he was. Was she not frightened of his quirk like everyone else had been? “My name is Aruna Ai.”

He heard himself hum before the words spilled from his mouth like word vomit.

“The moon does not fight. It attacks no one. It does not worry. It does not try to crush others. It keeps to its course, but by its very nature, it gently influences. What other body could pull an entire ocean from shore to shore? The moon is faithful to its nature and its power is never diminished.” He finished, taking a deep breath after such a long-winded sentence.

“Did you just quote Deng Ming-Doa’s Everyday Tao: Living with Balance and Harmony at me?” Aruna stared at Shinso, brows furrowed as her lips quirked up.

His hand found the back of his neck as heat rose to his cheeks in mortification, unable to look directly at her.

“Sorry, I don’t know where that came from, heh.” He continued to look everywhere but her, feeling crushingly stupid. Aruna chuckled, placing the palm of her hand on his muscular arm and squeezing.

“Don’t worry so much. I’m already a fan.” An overwhelming sense of calm overtook him then, like something paranormal was causing him to relax.

“What’s your quirk?” He blurted. He scratched his skull, once again mortified that he seemed to not have a filter tonight.

She squeezed his arm again before dropping her hand to her side, smiling brightly up at him.

“Well aren’t you just the most perceptive man?” She crammed her hand into her pockets, rocking back and forth on the heels of her shoes, seemingly deep in thought.

He patiently watched her.

“I can manifest emotions in others if I have direct skin contact with them. My power varies depending on the cycle of the moon though.”

He felt his eyebrow arch in curiosity. It was sort of similar to his own quirk, when he thought about it.

“That is truly fascinating, Aruna.”

She huffed and laughed. “Not as fascinating as being able to brainwash someone. I wonder what it feels like.”

“Care to find out?” He couldn’t believe the words leaving his own mouth.

“I would love to.” No hesitation in her voice, only a slight blush stained her cheeks.

His eyes narrowed as he stared into hers. “Are you sure?” His voice low.

She rolled her eyes “Of course I’m sure, Shin-“ Her eyes glazed over as her mind went blank.

“Follow me.” Came the command.

Although she had no control over her own movements, her mind was still aware enough to realise what was happening.

She was led across the crowds and through the halls. He silently guided her into an unoccupied office, small cots lined up on the walls.

He released his hold on her mind, allowing her a moment to turn around and leave, if she so chose.

His gaze never left her face, eyes concentrated on the way her cheeks darkened. Mortified, no doubt.

They remained standing, unmoving for long moments. Hesitation welled in him for a second, unsure of himself. Aruna’s breathing came out in a sigh as she strode forward, toward him in quick steps. When she reached him, her hands grasped his clothed shoulders as she pushed herself up onto the tips of her toes, raising her lips to meet his in a sweet kiss.

Purple eyes widened at the unexpected contact.

“I just… wanted to do that of my own accord first.” She whispered as she stepped back, breathing heavier than moments before, smile on her lips.

“You look at me like you think I’m someone else.” He said simply.

Her eyes narrowed, a look he could not read painting her features.

“How do I say this… We don’t have to talk, and we don’t have to dance around it, we don’t even have to be friends. I’m attracted to you…I want you to brainwash me. And…” She paused as Shinso slowly approached her.

Eyes peered into hers, pupils dilated. “And?”

“And… I want you to use me as you wis-“ Her mouth hung open, no words coming out as Shinso gained control once again. If she could smirk, she would have.

“Come here.” Her feet pulled her to where he was now sat on one of the cots.

Large hands grasped hers. The softness of her fingers in comparison to his own, rough and calloused, felt like heaven.

Shinso had never done anything like this before and the thrill of it all made blood rush through his entire body, his heart hammering in his chest.

He looked up into her blank eyes, dick twitching against his slacks at the sight of her. He couldn’t wait to see her ruined by him.

He couldn’t get enough of her soft skin, gliding his fingers up her arm and to her neck while the other hand drifted lower, reaching under her dress.

A devilish smirk formed on his face when his fingers tightened around her throat, a soft gasp leaving her mouth.

Hiking her dress up, he dug his fingers into her hip, pulling Aruna closer, lowering his head to kiss just above his tight grip.

Teeth grazed against her skin, eliciting soft moans from above as he nipped and kissed and sucked, marking her. He hoped the resulting bruises would last weeks, reminding her of tonight.

Despite that most thought that, while under the influence of his quirk, his victims couldn’t remember what they’d done under Shinso’s control, it all depended if he wanted them to remember or not.

He most definitely wanted Aruna to remember tonight, needed her to feel and see everything he would do to her and have her do to him.

“Spread your legs.”

A hum left his lips as she did what she was told, legs far enough apart for his face to fit nicely between soft thighs.

“Good girl.” He whispered, looking up into those blank eyes, her pupils now dilated, a look of lust filling them.

He kept his gaze fixated on hers as he released her neck, hand gliding to her breast, squeezing it gently. Fuck, he couldn’t get enough of her body. Her soft curves and her even softer skin. The breathy moans that left her lips at every new sensation.

Perhaps she was the one ruining him.

Both hands were on her hips, fingers slipping under the hem of her panties, dragging them down her legs and around her feet. He placed them in his pant pocket. They were his now.

As he pressed his nose to her, he inhaled deeply, a groan ripping through his throat. Absolute heaven, the scent of her driving him crazy with need.

His tongue met her folds, licking up to her clit before bringing it into his mouth and sucking. He felt her knees go weak, the only thing holding her up straight now were his strong hands at her hips.

She tasted absolutely amazing. Shinso’s eyes squeezed shut as he devoured her. He was sure his fingers were leaving bruises. He hoped they were.

Leaving her pussy for air was torture, but he could feel his control over her slipping as he got lost in the taste of her.

“I’m going to let go of your hips now. Don’t fall.”

He wiped his chin of her juices with the back of his hand, tongue darting out to gather the droplets on his lips. He pressed his palm down onto his cock, needing some kind of touch to release the pressure building inside him.

Nimble fingers unbuckled his belt, releasing his cock from its confines. Aruna glanced down, eyes lidded.

Her own tongue slipped from her mouth, licking her lips at the sight of him slowly stroking his cock, tired eyes locked on hers.

“Come taste me.” The commanding tone sent noticeable shivers down her spine, clearly trembling where she stood.

She could feel herself resisting the request, his control wavering as pleasure began to overtake his senses.

“ Obey me.” Aruna’s knees hit the floor, palms resting on his thighs as she positioned her mouth over him.

One calloused hand cupped her cheek, guiding her lower, the other gripping the base of his cock.

The sound that rumbled through his chest was unholy as she took as much of him into her warm mouth as she possibly could, hallowing her cheeks the instant the head hit the back of her throat.

“F-fuck. Aruna” His fingers fisted into her hair, staring down at her as drool dribbled down her chin. He gently pushed her down on his cock, face fucking her softly. He didn’t want to hurt her, but fuck if her wet tongue across the underside of his dick didn’t feel like paradise.

She moaned around him as he thrust into her mouth, sending delightful vibrations through him, dick twitching in her mouth. He was losing control. He could feel it.

Her tongue swirled around the head of his cock and- he was sure it would be the end of him. This girl. How did he get so fucking lucky?

Aruna’s fingers dug into his thighs as she came up for air, his quirk weak enough from the pleasure to break out of it.

His eyes widened as she quickly rose to her feet, pushing his chest down as she settled onto his lap, sitting on his cock, sinking down on it in one swift movement.

Strong hands grasped her hips once more, furiously fucking up into her. Every moan from her lips sent heat through him.

“You like that, baby?” He asked, voice hoarse and husky.

“Y-yes. Hah. You feel so good, Hitosh-“ Her pussy tightened around him, losing herself to his control once more.

“Silly girl. Stick your tongue out for me, and don’t stop fucking yourself on my cock.”

Her eyes blank again, tongue sticking out, drooling down her face. It was absolutely stunning. So fucking beautiful, and it was all for him. He had never seen anything so breathtaking.

He stared into her face, bringing his thumb to her clit, gently pressing circles into it and watched as she shuddered, grinding on him harder, breaths coming out unevenly, whimpers escaping her lips every time he bottomed out in her.

“You’re so beautiful. Aruna. Fuck. The way I fit inside you, like we were meant to be like this.”

The words left his mouth, any shame he might have felt discarded, pleasure overwhelming his every sense. She looked amazing, tasted amazing, smelt amazing. She was perfect.

He grasped her throat again, other hand on her ass as he met her thrust for thrust. She was close, he could feel it in the way her walls clenched around him, in the way her eyes crossed, tongue still lolling from her delicious little mouth.

“Come for me, my lovely moon. “

She stilled above him, walls clenching tight one more time as her insides fluttered around him, sending him over the edge, cock spurting deep inside her, a growl leaving his throat, fingers tightening painfully around her neck.

She collapsed against his chest as he released control over her, breathing heavily in the crook of his neck as he gently caressed her back and played with her hair, calming her as she came down from her orgasm.

Shinso adjusted her dress to cover her body. His heart felt full for what seemed like the first time in his life.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Aruna.”

He felt her smile against his neck.

There was no point in saving the world if it meant losing the moon.

Art by Me

[sinagrace]

As Pride Month comes to a close, it’s time I spoke candidly about my experience at Marvel Comics.

To date, I’ve always been honest about the joy of writing Iceman’s journey as an out gay superhero, but I’ve skirted around the challenges that came along with it. This is partially because I prefer to give off an upbeat vibe, and there’s also a fear that my truth will affect my career. With more corporations patting themselves on the back for profit-led partnerships wherein celebrities take selfies in rainbow apparel, and with buzz that Marvel Studios is preparing to debut their first gay character in the upcoming Eternals movie, there is an urgency to discuss the realities of creating queer pop culture in a hostile or ambivalent environment. Hopefully, my takeaways will serve as a guide for people in positions of power to consider when advocating for more nuanced and rich representation. In an ideal world, embracing our stories and empowering us to tell them will yield far more profitable (and way less messy) results than what I encountered while writing Iceman.

Stand by your people

It’s no surprise that I got the attention of trolls and irate fans for taking on this job. There was already backlash around the manner in which Bobby Drake aka Iceman came out, and Marvel needed to smooth that landing and put a “so what” to the decision. After a point, I could almost laugh off people making light of my death, saying they have "cancerous AIDS" from my book, or insinuating I’m capable of sexual assault… almost. Between Iceman’s cancellation and its subsequent revival, Marvel reached out and said they noticed threatening behavior on my Twitter account (only after asking me to send proof of all the nasty shit popping up online). An editor called, these conversations always happen over the phone, offering to provide “tips and tricks” to deal with the cyber bullying. I cut him off. All he was going to do was tell me how to fend for myself. I needed Marvel to stand by me with more work opportunities to show the trolls that I was more than a diversity hire. “We’ll keep you in mind.” I got so tired of that sentence. 

Even after a year of the new editor-in-chief saying I was talented and needed to be on a book that wasn’t “the gay character,” the only assignment I got outside of Iceman was six pages along, about a version of Wolverine where he had diamond claws. Fabulous, yes. Heterosexual, yes. Still kind of the gay character, though.

We as creators are strongly encouraged to build a platform on social media and use it to promote work-for-hire projects owned by massive corporations… but when the going gets tough, these dudes get going real quick. 

Believe in the work

You may be asking if my Iceman book was any good, or if I’m just being sour grapes over a bad work experience. Believe me, I asked that, too. From the get-go, my first editor asserted that Iceman would be DOA if it were “too gay,” while also telling me to prepare for a cancellation anyway, given that most solo X-Men titles don’t last beyond a year. Never mind that my work on Iceman had gotten positive press in the New York Times (in-print), or that in spite of (since-deleted) critical sandbagging, the series nets glowing reviews on Amazon… Marvel still treated me as someone to be contained, and the book as something to be nervous about. Do you know how hard it is to not argue with a publicist when he’s explaining the value of announcing Iceman’s revival via the Marvel homepage? Sis, that’s a burial. Instead of clapping back, I just went and got myself more press from the New York Times. From there, they tightened my leash. I had to get all opportunities pre-approved, and all interviews pre-reviewed. This would be fine if it was the standard, but I assure you: none of my straight male colleagues seek permission to go on podcasts promoting their books. 

What Marvel should have done is assign me a special projects editor. They should have worked with a specialty PR firm, rather than repeat a tiresome cycle of treating the book like a square peg, and getting confused when it’s a hit. 

Give us a real seat at the table

There was a moment before Iceman was cancelled where I wrote then-editor-in-chief Axel Alonso an email, pleading for a Hail Mary arc. I explained that Iceman was landing with a newer generation of readers who focused more on binge-reading than month-to-month periodicals. The series needed time in the book market before its true strength could be assessed. To Axel’s credit, he was warm to the idea and even gave me an extra month, but when he left Marvel that idea got brushed away. Of course I was right. The first two volumes sold like gangbusters thanks to word-of-mouth, librarian love, and support from retailers big and small. 

When the series returned, no one at Marvel asked me: “What do you think landed with readers?” Nor did they ask the question that Axel did: “What matters to your community?” So when I wrote what I thought the fans would be into, a story about a man learning to be a better ally in the war against hate, editorial totally missed its value.

Seat at the table pt II: The Shade of it all

All of the weird drama I put up with crystallized when I created a drag queen mutant, first called Shade, now called Darkveil. I told my editor that Shade would be a big deal for X-Fans, and asked how we should promote her. He said: “leave it up to the reader’s interpretation.” Everyone at Marvel shrugged off two years of goodwill and acted like I’d coordinated behind their backs on an announcement that made headlines. Beyond mentioning on Instagram the queens who inspired the character, I didn’t coordinate shit. Of course, their head publicist can’t admit that my quotes were pre-approved from an unreleased interview. At this point, I stopped believing that there’d be any more work for me. There were so many shady moves on their end that I’m still having trouble putting into language, but it all aligned with an experience I had in retail where a corrupt manager kept lying and moving the goal posts in order to keep me selling in a department I didn’t want to work in. I offered to give Darkveil a proper character bio, and I walked away.  

I recognize that some of my complaints can be filed under “this is freelance life.” I am aware that it was not a queer person of color who joked to me that “it’s not a matter of if Marvel fucks you over, it’s a matter of when.” That came from a cis white male. The same-day turn-arounds without warning, the work emails on Christmas week… that’s the freelance bullshit. Truly, I don’t even think of this as discrimination, I call it general ineptness. It is my belief that if we are telling stories about heroes doing the right thing in the face of adversity, wouldn’t the hope be to embody those ideals as individuals? Instead of feeling like I worked with some of the most inspiring and brave people in comics, I was surrounded by cowards. 

Truly, I hate writing this. In keeping with Pride Month, I am proud of the work I did on Iceman... I love the book! It sucks that I may be tarnishing its legacy going public about how the cookies were made. That said, the time for self-congratulating is over, and folks should be earnestly listening when they ask: what could we have done better? 

[wondersofdreaming]

Lost Boys - EIGHT

Characters: August Walker / Captain Syverson / Walter Marshall

Word count: 1.524

Warnings: I don’t know, there’s guns?

Author’s note: Everything in this story is a figment of my imagination, with inspiration and snippets from the movies ‘Mission: Impossible - Fallout’, ‘Sand Castle’, ‘Nomis/Night Hunter’. This is pure fanfiction. If something doesn’t make sense, it’s not supposed to.

And a little inspiration from ‘Furious 7’.

I do now own any of the characters from the movies that I write about in this story. Only the OFC’s are mine.

Tag: @katerka88 @littlefreya @hell1129-blog @mitzwinchester @mary-ann84 @valkavill @sciapod @henry-cavlll @luclittlepond @iloveyouyen @trippedmetaldetector @radaofrivia @omgkatinka @gothwhopper @fcgrizi @vania-marie @alyxkbrl​ @readings-of-a-cavill-lover​ @singeramg​ @onlyhenrys​ @henrythickcavill​ @madbaddic7ed​ @palaiasaurus64​ @mis-lil-red @queenslandlover-93​ (I’m so sorry I haven’t tagged you until now, love, I think I must have run into some technical issues when I wrote your URL in my document with tags, but you’re there now to stay)

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the list.

Feedback is appreciated.

MASTERLIST

[ONE] [TWO] [THREE] [FOUR] [FIVE] [SIX] [SEVEN] [NINE] [TEN]

“Don’t worry brother. I’ll save you instead.”

There was a knock on the door. August quickly closed the laptop. He moved with stealth towards the wooden entrance, silently clicking the safety off on his gun. He looked into the peephole and let out a breath of relief.

He opened the heavy door to let his tech-associate inside.

“Were you followed?” He asked as he investigated the hallway, it was empty.

“No,” Marc sounded offended. “Listen, Lark…”

“My cover has been blown, call me Smith.”

“Fine, Smith. You’re in deep shit. The bounty on your head has doubled, and now it’s definitely dead instead of DOA. You need to move away from here, go to some island and lay low for a few years.”

“Marc… I don’t have a few years.”

“Smith, you’re being hunted. Every government agency in the world is looking for you.”

“I know.”

“If you are recognized, I won’t be able to help you out of this country.”

“I know.”

“You need to keep moving.”

“I have a place in mind. But you’re not going to like it.”

“If you say that shitty cabin in Northern Thailand…”

“I won’t say it.”

“But it is that place. Fuck man! That place has no connection to the outer world! No internet. The nearest village is 10K away…” Marc took a deep breath, “But it is the safest place for you right now.”

“When can you arrange a flight?”

“Let me talk to my contacts. I’ll have a plan by tomorrow.”

Melanie could guess from the knocking who was on the other side of the door. She smiled brightly at the grumpy face that met her.

“Good morning, Walter,” she chimed happily.

“Morning, where’s my brother?” He grunted.

“Answering a phone call. Coffee?”

“Yes, black, no sugar.”

Melanie poured the dark liquid into a mug and handed it to him. Lucas walked out of his bedroom with a grim look on his face.

“Luc, what’s wrong?”

“That was Aiden. The bounty on August’s head has doubled. It’s up to two hundred million now, and they want him dead.”

Lucas plopped down on the sofa and ran his good hand over his beard.

“Then we better get started on finding him,” Walter mumbled.

“I don’t even know where to start,” Lucas’ voice sounded hopeless.

“You can start by telling me, when and where you last saw him.”

Walter wrote down the information, Lucas was giving him in a little black notebook that looked brand new.

“My brother, Charlie, works for the FBI, he should be able to help a little with this case.”

“Should I arrange for travel plans for Iraq? That’s where you last saw him,” Melanie inquired. The two bulking men stared at her.

“Don’t think he’s back in the Middle East, Mel. He might have passed through and gone across the border to hide in another country,” Lucas explained.

“Then how are we going to find him?”

“We’d have to speak to the people that know him. His colleagues, his adopted parents, his friends, if he had any, and so forth,” Walter chimed in.

“Alright, then it seems we’re going to Virginia after we’ve talked to your FBI brother.”

Walter and Lucas swallowed their cooled down coffees, they were mimicking each other without knowing it. They held the mugs the same way, on the opposite side of the handle and chugged the black liquid. They would lean their heads back a little to catch the last drops before putting down the empty cup with a loud thud.

Melanie was amazed by the two men, who looked so much like each other, but at the same time looked so different. One with long curly hair, the other with a military styled buzz cut. They both looked intimidating as hell, and Melanie prayed she’d never get interrogated by those two brothers.

Walter led them towards his truck. The drive took almost an hour before he parked at what looked like an abandoned warehouse.

Melanie felt Lucas tensing up next to her. He made sure to walk in front of her. She knew it was to protect her, but at the same time, she was annoyed, because he knew that she knew how to bring a man to his knees, in more ways than one.

Walter opened the steel door. He motioned with his head to follow him.

Inside looked to be a normal old warehouse with an abundant number of wooden crates. The smell of the room was awful. The waft of rotting fish and mould mixed together in the worst way possible hit Melanie’s nostrils. She nearly gagged at the odious place.

A door opened across the room, lighting up the dark room.

“Good to see you out of the police station for once, little brother,” the man said with a smile. He wrapped Walter into his arms. Melanie noticed that Walter didn’t wholeheartedly return the hug. Charlie Marshall was taller than his adoptive brother, but not as broad and muscular. His blonde hair was cut short at the sides and longer at the top. His deep ocean eyes were dancing with mischief until he locked eyes with Melanie. The smile disappeared from his lips and was replaced with a more curious look.

“Charlie, this is my brother, Lucas, and his sister, Melanie,” Walter introduced them. Charlie walked around his brother and greeted Lucas with a firm handshake, while he kissed the back of Melanie’s hand.

“Pleasure to meet you both. Walt told me about you last night, come in and I’ll show you what I’ve found so far.”

Lucas was burning holes into Charlie’s skull. Having not liked him kissing his sister’s hand. Melanie was elated to be shown a little attention.

“Charlie, back off. She’s not here for you,” Walter grumbled and walked into the tiny office space. A black-haired woman was sitting in front of multiple screens, tapping on the keyboard in front of her at lightning speed.

“This is Raven, she’s a hacker and technology expert. We’re doing this behind the scenes because we want to find your lost brother as soon as possible,” Charlie explained.

Raven didn’t look up but grumbled a greeting of some sort.

“How are we going to find August?” Lucas asked.

“With this,” Raven motioned to the screens. The monitors filled out a picture of the earth moving. A picture of August sitting on the top left.

“What does it do?” Melanie asked.

“It’s using all the cell phones with cameras to find him, kinda like God’s Eye from Fast and Furious.”

“Is this legal?”

“Not at all. That’s why we’re here, hiding from the rest of the world. This is only used during emergencies, and I consider this an emergency.”

“Found him yet?” Lucas grunted. He stood behind Melanie with a rank back and stern look. Walter stood almost in the same stance next to him, except he had his arms folded across his chest.

“Last time he was seen, was in an unused airport hangar in Northern Italy last night. He could have travelled anywhere since then,” Charlie said.

“How long?” Walter muttered.

“Hours, days, weeks. I don’t know, he’s really good at hiding,” Raven threw her arms in the air.

“Then there’s nothing to do but go to Virginia. Call us, when you have something, and thank you, Raven, for helping us,” Melanie sent the pale woman a soft smile and went to walk out the tiny room. Lucas, Walter and Charlie followed her to the truck.

“Thank you, for your help so far,” Lucas told Charlie and held out his good hand.

“If I had a lost brother, I’d do anything to find him too.”

Charlie winked at Melanie and walked back into the building. Walter drove the two back to the hotel in silence. Everyone was grumbling over their own things.

“Thanks for your help, Walter,” Melanie cut through the silence when he parked.

“I’m coming with you to Virginia,” Walter told them.

“What about your daughter?” Lucas asked.

“She said, and I quote: ‘You either find your long-lost brother and bring him home, or I’ll be the worst rebellious teenager that’s ever existed in the history of police-dads.’”

“Three tickets to Virginia, coming right up,” Melanie smiled.

The plane ride was fast and short. They landed, got their luggage, found the rented car and drove to the hotel. Another huge suite with three bedrooms. At first, Lucas wanted three separate bedrooms next to each other, but Melanie had stubbornly told him off that he needed her help with his broken arm. Walter didn’t have a say in anything as Melanie shut him up with a fiery glare.

They ventured out towards the house where the lost brother had grown up. The house looked like it needed a loving hand with the front garden, and the paint on the front door was slowly peeling off in large spots.

Walter rang the bell and knocked loudly. They heard a commotion inside before the door was opened. A short woman with greying hair stood in front of them. Her eyes widened and tears formed at the corners.

“August? Is that you?”

[chazukekani]

Analysis - The Bird’s Cage

In my opinion, the chapters of Sunday Tragedy is going to explore the theme of ‘THINKING’. As Fyodor mentioned before: ‘People honestly, simply, wrongly assume “I think so myself”’ in Chapter 42. This is probably my favourite line so far, not because it is an inspiring and alerting quote to me personally, but also hint the morale of Fyodor and the DoA. For me, the Decay of Angels shares a same or similar set of belief or mortal, which allow them to conduct the terrorist plot afterwards, that’s why I think the issue of ‘independent thinking’ or ‘freedom’ is something that drive the DoA members together, and allow them to pursue their own utopia.

In Chapter 58.5, Gogol once said humans are as if birds, where ‘a bird born in a cage doesn’t notice that it’s a prisoner, without knowing that it’s crippled’. That’s why Gogol wishes to become a bird in the sky and fly freely. There is some details that worth mentioning is that, when Gogol first met Atsushi in the mansion, the bird is crippled inside a cage; yet when Gogol was ‘cut’ into two separate pieces, there is no birds in the cage anymore. It makes me wonder whether DEATH is the ultimate way to liberate people’s thinking afterall? I think we have to see how Asagiri-sensei interprets it.

-

My school teacher once asked my class what is a difference between computers and humans, and I still remembered that one of my classmates answered ‘consciousness’. Indeed, humans are proud of being able to think critically, and believe that our own views are always objective and accurate. . Yet, that is exactly the proud has blinded us, and it makes us unable to aware the cage that locked us. We always believe with our eyes, and perceive our experience as facts, and all the argument made on top of facts are definitely non-partisan, but can we actually prove things we witness as objective? We cannot. Therefore, this sentence expressed by Gogol is somehow echoing with Fyodor’s line that I mentioned above - ‘People honestly, simply, wrongly assume “I think so myself”’. No wonder Gogol thinks Fyodor is the one who can understand him.

Gogol’s statement above is somehow supported by the development of the plot. For example, when The Book is activated and defamed the Agency as terrorist, soldiers already perceived the ADA as the culprit by mere evidence and personal testimony.

-

Although readers like us - who has God’s point of view towards the story - to think ‘that’s obvious that the ADA aren’t terrorist!!’, yet how many people is able to see through everything in the reality? Similar analogy can be spotted in [The Republic] by Plato (The Cave Analogy).

A little bit of context her, the Cave Analogy talks about there was once a group of people living in a cave back in the ancient times. The only source of light inside the cave was a torch of fire. People were tied on the wall of the cave by metal chains, so they could not turn their body. Those people could not see the torch, but only relying on others transporting objects through the central aisle of the cave. Thus, they could only observe the object through the projection via the torch, but never be able to see the actual object itself. Then on one day, a man managed to leave the cave. The man felt so sick under the dazzling sun, but he still to overcome the pain and adopted to it. When he went back to the cave, he wanted to share his experience to his friends who had never left the cave. Yet he found that the cave was all dark ,and people teased, laughed and feared his insane experience outside the cave. At last, Plato wrote that the man would be killed. (Extracted from the Book VII of The Republic)

Isn’t it similar? The people who stay inside cage/cave were indoctrinated with certain beliefs and doctrines, and never question them. Although we are able to witness the actual objects in reality, is it the truth? The same argument can be applied to my previous analysis on Ranpo. [quote] So it is quite ironic, but well-calculated for Asagiri to put forward Gogol’s point amid the arrest of the innocent Agency in order to portrait the dilemma of facts and truths.

Analysis - Chapter 79

For me, it is like a debate between ‘divine’ and ‘human nature’. Liberalists believe that humans are able to learn from experiences, and act rationally, and this fits with Dazai’s general perception towards humanity. So I think Kamui, along with the Decay of Angels, may see themselves as the executioner on behalf of God, and to bring ‘good deeds’, and to restore the order of the world. While Dazai’s belief of human nature, has to counter the war, and lead by Atsushi, in order to demonstrate the central message that needs to be conveyed by Asagiri Kafka.

-

Another short point that worth mentioning is that, characters such as Dazai and Fyodor  supposed to be the one who stay outside the cage/cave (in terms their state of mind). When they are discussing plots in the prison, the security guards look horrify about Dazai and Fyodor’s conversation because they could not understand. It also echos with Plato’s description towards the man who get outside the cave, because the man was feared by his friends when he get back to the cave. Therefore, people who has outstanding ability and vision could be welcoming to others, like Dazai; and could not seemed as terrified to others as well, like Fyodor. I will illustrate the similarities and differences between them in the next analysis, but you can tell that the the storyline and character development are always connected and related with each other.

I think the ‘Cage Analogy’ will be crucial in illustrating the main morale of the Decay of Angeles. Since the Cannibalism Arc, we can see that humans’ weaknesses and fear has been manipulated on their hands. It is thus crucial for ADA to acknowledge and distinguish the truth and uphold their morale in order to counter the DoA. Perhaps DoA is portrayed as the villain nowadays, but given that Gogol has a direct conversation without protagonist - Atsushi - I believe that the competition between two organisations will change in the future.

[lazuliblade]

Sports Nippon (Sponichi) January 1st, 2020 issue [the phrase I put in quotation marks is from Yuzuru; the accompanying article text is from writer/editor(?) Ryosuke Sugimoto] 冬の頂点を知る男が夏のアスリートへメッセージ

「心からの闘いを。」

ライバルの背を追い 進化を遂げて 日本男子初となる黄金の輝きを手に入れた。

ライバルに追われ、 負傷を乗り越えて、 66ぶりに連覇を達成した。

’14ソチ、’18平昌。 冬の頂を知る フィギュアスケート・羽生結弦(25 = ANA)から 東京五輪・パラリンピックに臨むアスリートへ。

「心からの闘いを。」

鍛えた体、 磨いた技術、 そして熱い心で舞え、 夏の勇者たち。 A message from the man who knows the pinnacle of Winter, to the athletes of Summer

“Battle from the heart”

Chasing after a rival’s back, evolution comes about, he became the first Japanese man to grasp the brilliance of gold.

Chased after by rivals, he overcomes injury, a consecutive champion was realized after 66 years. Sochi ‘14, Pyeongchang ‘18. From the figure skater who knows the pinnacle of Winter - Yuzuru Hanyu (25, ANA) - To the athletes facing the Tokyo Olympic & Paralympic Games.

“Battle from the heart” With bodies forged, skills polished, and hearts ablaze, dance, Heroes of Summer. -----------------------------

*technically it’s more like “passionate hearts/spirits” but in keeping with the rhythm of the sentence, I used “ablaze” instead. Like being fired up. Think: anime protagonists drawn with figurative fire because they’re rearing to go. Yuzu’s message “Battle from the heart” is deceptively simple. It’s vague enough that trying to capture that in English means playing with verb-noun and synonym usage. I typed up my process below for anyone that cares to read. If it helps my friends, maybe it can help other people too. I have pages debating with myself on how to capture the straightforward but poetic way the article is written (if you couldn’t tell, I’m kind of a nerd), but I’ll spare you that conflict. One quote is enough, I think.

He says “kokoro kara no tatakai wo.” Which needs some unpacking, because even though it’s like three words long, it’s a bit vague. Rather, precisely because it’s three words long, it’s vague. “kokoro kara no” = “a thing that’s from the heart” i.e. 心からの願い kokoro kara no negai = a wish (that’s) from the heart 心からの力 kokoro kara no chikara = a strength (that’s) from the heart “tatakai” = a fight (noun) BUT he doesn’t just say “fight” here. He doesn’t use the general kanji for “fight” 戦い which you would understand as protagonists fighting against their circumstances or against a rival (or delinquents fighting in the street). He uses the more advanced kanji 闘い which implies fighting a real hardship. He’s not just saying “a fight from the heart” – he’s saying “a challenge/ battle from the heart.” He’s implying that the Olympic grounds are a battlefield. (which we actually know from previous interviews) and so we get to the vague part…

“wo” “Wo,” alone, is meaningless. You attach it after a noun to show that the following verb is acting on said noun. i.e. “ドアを閉めます doa wo shimemasu” (close the door) “朝ご飯を食べます asagohan wo tabemasu” (eat breakfast) “お茶を買います ocha wo kaimasu” (buy tea) Since it’s New Year’s and this is incredibly fitting timing: よいお年を “yoi otoshi wo” = “[may you have/let’s greet/may you welcome] a good year.” Notice there’s no verb following the “wo” there. You can finish the sentence with “ お迎えください omukae kudasai” (politely requesting that the person welcomes/greets), but you don’t have to, since it’s implied. Which brings us back to Yuzuru’s sentence… His sentence isn’t a complete sentence, because he doesn’t have a verb in there. It’s left open-ended in classic proverb rumination style. So you can interpret it as him saying “do ___” or “aspire to ___” or “aim for ___” and you wouldn’t be wrong. Basically, as the athlete receiving this message, you can decide to employ the “tatakai” in whatever way best suits you. How you do the “tatakai”(fight) is up to you, as long as it’s from the heart. So finally, how I chose to capture this: “Battle from the heart” -“Battle” being a noun and verb so you can take it as “a battle from the heart” or “do battle from the heart” or “aspire to battle from the heart” or “aim for a battle from the heart.” -It sounds less clunky than “war from the heart,” -it doesn’t carry extra implications like adding a verb “wage war from the heart” (because he doesn’t actually tell you to wage an all-out war) -and “battle from the heart” feels heavier than “fight from the heart” It’s rallying against a hardship. You’re not just struggling or fighting, you are battling. Or to put it a bit less straightforward and a bit more appropriately poetic... he’s not just saying “fight,” he’s saying “battle with your heart on the line.”

---------------------------------------- Also, as an aside, giving short phrase messages like this may not be very common in some places, but choosing a saying for the year/season is a pretty big thing in Japan. You can see it with the JSF asking skaters to give a phrase for the skating season, and their responses looking something like: “overcome the wall” “challenge myself” “skate with a smile” etc. Not something limited to public figures, I’ve even seen it in elementary school with teachers collecting phrases to include in a newsletter for students at the start of a new trimester. If you had to choose one word, phrase, or sentence to represent the year and encourage your students for the final push, what would you choose? There are those who jot down the first thing to come to mind, and those who put a lot of thought into what to say.

[a-froger-epic]

Hi! One thing that i've noticed while reading your stories (especially DoA) is that you seem to really get the psychological part of your characters, all the complexities, their interior worlds. Don't know if you have any knowledge in the psychology area, but don't you find interesting that in the 60s, despite being a time of so many cultural changes in all aspects, young Roger and Brian seemingly had no issues with Freddie's sexuality? It speaks volumes of them, considering some of its (cont)

Hi! First off, thank you so much, I'm glad you think so. Yes, I'm very interested in digging into the psychological depths of my characters and writing a long story like DoA has really allowed me to do so, which has been a delight.

While I've never studied psychology, I have read a lot on the subject out of personal interest. Also, I'm an actor, and knowing your way around psychology and acting often go hand in hand. Understanding a character's true motivations makes it much easier to portray them, and it's also very interesting!

Actually, I've often wondered if I've been too kind to Roger and Brian in DoA, in as far as how okay they are with Freddie. But I don't really think I have been. Things were changing fast in the 60s. 1963 was not the same as 1969. As you said, homosexuality was partly decriminalised in 67 and that was huge. But also, throughout the 60s and then the early 70s there was a huge trend to embrace androgynous looks and behaviour. It was cool to be a bit "gay" (as long as you weren't actually gay). A lot of Freddie's friends from that time are quoted as saying that they assumed it was all an act. Although many also wondered.

I think it would have had much to do with upbringing. From what I know about Brian, for example, his parents had a very "live and let live" attitude towards homosexuality. And I don't know about Roger, but seeing as he had no problem being into fashion and being occasionally perceived as a "queen" I assume he wasn't brought up with a huge amount of homophobic beliefs, either.

I will say that both Roger and Brian still display some homophobic behaviour in DoA (and so does Freddie - internalised homophobia is a bitch). Roger flat out refuses to even consider being anything but straight and compartmentalises his relationship with Freddie in a way where it's *an exception* that only applies to Freddie and no one else in the world. We know less about what Brian thinks because his POV isn't there (I suppose I am the only one who really knows what's going on in his head, heh), but his approach is largely scientific. He's kind of standing on the sidelines studying them almost, trying to wrap his mind around what's happening with his friends. Later on, he'll have a bit of a time agreeing to the name Queen for the band (Roger and Freddie talked him around to it). So how okay he really, publicly is with it this early on remains to be seen.

But I'm not disagreeing with you, I do think that both Roger's and Brian's attitude to their clearly not very straight friend was admirable and probably also has to do with the fact that they were - all of them - very intelligent people.

Thank you for the very interesting ask! ❤️

[palukoo]

so a couple months ago i relistened to w359 and made a 18000 word document while doing so containing iconic quotes, my reactions, feelings, et cetera. heres some highlights with varying amounts of context. (theres lowkey spoilers for the whole series btw)

""""i empathize too much""""

crazy how i still vividly remember walking outside [my old job] and to starbucks while listening to the spider ep... trauma

i mean i dont love it but it makes me feel things

GABRIEL THATS TOO ON THE NOSE

"let me have my badass space chick victory cocktail"

god like i AM team what wrong with handcuffs but I WOULD NOT HESITATE to kill hilbert for hera

the girlssss are fightinggg

THE SAD W359 MUSIC IS KILLING ME

like memoria who maxwell who jk jk

i love you renee minkowski marry me

local idiot's heart is in the right place

HARPOOOOOOONSSSS

lovelace lovelace lovelace loveLACE LOVELACE

"maybe she's some kind of clone thing" EIFFEL... this is day 1!!!

i hate these self sacrificial idiots

no no no not this music again ill cry

yall are so emotionally stunted it fucking hurts but damn if you dont care

literally how are they still alive

i want to hug her so much omg

alan rody shut the FUCK up im crying

rip zach valenti's throat

face the death reality via math

jacobi being a piece of shit

maxwell said lets kill hilbert rights

this is a kepler hate blog

minkowski thinking her emotions dont matter to the mission oh ho ho

"youre gonna straighten up" cutter they cant theyre not straight

maxwell and jacobi show up and blow up lads

"and you should really be more careful with your queen" KEPLER WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

wolf 359 stop making me stan these literally terrible people

FUNZO FUNZO FUNZO

i am caring about men tonight lads

theyre both awful sure go ahead have history

hilbert you interrupted their emotional moment they wouldve had a MOMENT

hera said im gay

ohhhh nooo interpersonal conflict makes me sad

hug minkowski rn

FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC jacobi and maxwell are iconic

minkowski how did you not kill him

how much do yall use the words "good enough" and "cant"

"are you an alien" GOD the Hints

"one of our... sexier jobs" vs "this is gonna said less sexy after that"

eiffel stop cockblocking them

y'all's choice of pronouns IS illuminating

PROTECT HERA AT ALL COSTS

aw eiffel... minkowski... communication is KEY

oh yeah THATS what the psi wave regulator is for.... SURE

hilbert read the room

JACOBI you can't just describe minkowski like that without giving me a heart attack

how many times have all these bitches almost died

SORRY ANYTHING THEY SAY I LOSE IT

oh minkowski finally flipped (VALID)

oh wait that fact isnt fun at all and im literally crying

LIKE sometimes you save someone's life at great personal risk only to kill her a little while later

minkowski cries to “back to before” from ragtime

i feel to many things about the gals here idk what to tell you i love them thats the problem

its gay and it hurts!

lovelace laughing at people who can and will kill her... hot

OH WERE STARTING LOVELACES SELF SACRIFICE ALREADY

they let lovelace say FUCK

OH WAIT NO I FORGOT ITS WORSE

THANKS FOR MURDERING ME WITH YOUR TEARY ANGRY VOICE

ouchie anyways gay or no but also gay

hilarious and sad at the same time?

MAXWELL dont be a bitch... i expect this from jacobi and honestly i actually expect this from maxwell too but i dont like it

NO NOT THIS MUSIC

BROTP BROTP BROTP

i cant say anything else im too busy crying

UGH I COULD WRITE ESSAYS ON MY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS THE MESSAGE THE TAKEAWAY BROADLY THE PERSONAL EMOTIONAL ANGUISH THE DESIRE TO HUG HERA ITS

im mad but thank you... all of you... explain... 

stop stop stop im literally so tense gone straight from sobbing to freeze instinct

GOD I HATE ALL THESE SURVIVALS GUILT IDIOTS

OH theyre all about uncertainty... the what ifs... okay... ouch ouch ouch

give everyone awards for bolero

eris are you gay

she said gay rights and AI rights

like i know i know we been knew but goddard really is so awful

Hera stop narrating Lovelace’s ongoing existential crisis

HOW IS THIS NOT GAY (I know how it’s not gay but. Let me have this)

KEPLER stop giving Lovelace insecurities and existential crises

Team back off lovelace for the win

like not to be dramatic but her arc is beautiful

oh boy thats my girlsssss

THATS FLIRTING MINKOWSKI

god i love that concern for your gf keep it up minkowski

COMMUNICATION? WITH THIS CREW? BOLD

GOD angrey hera is great

you know hera is having the time of her life witnessing it

eiffel you just ruined their romantic moment

minkowski is gonna kill them

a much better gayer more altruistic light

WE’RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT COMMUNICATION

WAIT I WAS BEING CANON DAMN I THOUGHT I WAS BEING CREATIVE AND PERHAPS OOC BUT IM IN THE CLEAR I GUESS

god hera has needed to snap at eiffel for so long

i can already feel myself about to get hit with the tears... the emotions

that shit hits different renee

The implications that Goddard like destroyed global warming omfg

it’s the moral grayness babeyyy

when it hits you with minkowski's shaky sigh first thing you know its gonna hit different

MINKOWSKI i need you to. love yourself as much as i love you

GOD the mutual concern they always have for each other is touching whether or not you think its gay. i think its gay

HERA WOULD YOU ASK A COW TO NOT BE A COW

oh of COURSE they cut coms first

lovelace is man, butterfly is quote, it says "is this flirting"

jacobi i need you to chill

but jacobiiiii thats lovelaces schtick

oh eiffel... you fucking idiot who gets really lucky sometimes

this game of chicken where theyre both chickens and kepler doesnt know any of that and each of them only know half

minkowski said im an ethics teacher now

who taught minkowski empathy in high stress situations?

yeah so i stay hitting the nail on the head

“kepler SHUT UP” is what brings everyone together

this is, como se dice.... kinda gay

this statement does not bode well for that

“Maybe less talking to yourself” he says to himself

ugh, to be Pop Culture Man™️

RACHEL i love you even tho I also hate you

Rachel if you make one more hand joke I’ll lose my mind

HER NAME!!!! IS HERA!!!! And I love her!!

i have a vivid mental image of post-series eiffel doing stand up like chris fleming style 

"my crew has made it very clear through a series of looks and gestures that one more slip up and i am out, thats it, so im taking this job very seriously"

"minkowski is very overprotective in a weird, erratic way, like when your seat belt randomly locks and its like i appreciate what youre trying to do but im going 4mph in a drive way."

"so when something like this happens you have to at least consider going away for a long time and living on a cursed space station"

"you know how when maxwell and hera are talking ive never felt less needed, you know, like ‘cause you guys would be totally happy alone on a rock in the middle of a lake"

"this is the kind of body you look at and go he'd probably be ok in space without a space suit"

the whole "theater kids" video is actually him going off about minkowski

minkowski is too swole for her own good

jacobi im gonna need you to take the redemption arc more seriously

i love my crazy crazy bitches

this FUCKING music

GOD HOW DOES PRYCE JUST ALWAYS GET WORSE

she just like mutilated that man he is doa absolutely destroyed one hit ko

can you tone down the gay, sweetie

you did it you broke rachel and Goddard down to their bare essentials

GOSH shes so AWKWARD 

so damn jacobi was just IMMEDIATELY ride or die for maxwell

this is too much for my poor baby heart

pryce & carter literally are just like lets do eugenics, lets do genocide

when hera says ill pull a yall and sacrifice myself for minkowski and lovelace 

god like cant believe KEPLER got a redemption arc (well not arc but you know)

ah yes the most tragic scenes all take place at once :)

I HAD TO STOP LISTENING TO BRAVE NEW WORLD CAUSE IT MADE ME TOO CRAZYYYY

THE SCRIPT SAID IT NOT ME

i love space moms!

this fucking music ALAN RODY IM SUING FOR DAMAGES

like the document also does have a lot of like deep thoughts and meta and parallels and discussion of motivations but this is just fun random things i said

[lastsonlost]

I needed Marvel to stand by me with more work opportunities to show the trolls that I was more than a diversity hire. “

Sina Grace on Writing Iceman at Marvel: “I Was Surrounded by Cowards”

Posted by Jude Terror June 28, 2019 48 Comments

As has been documented in various Bleeding Cool articles throughout the course of the book’s two series, one of my personal favorite X-Men comics of the past few years was Iceman, written by Sina Grace, and drawn it its first volume by Alessandro Vitti and Robert Gill and in its second and concluding one-shot by Nathan Stockman. The book breathed new life into a character who it could be argued hadn’t really received significant character development since his days in X-Factor in the 1980s. It’s true that it was “The Great One” Brian Bendis who wrote Iceman outed by Jean Grey’s invasive telepathy, but it was Grace who wrote adult Iceman coming to grips with this and learning to be himself and love himself, alongside, of course, lots of mutant action and drama. The book ended too soon, when it was really just getting going, IMHO.

With all of that in mind, it’s sad but not surprising to read Sina Grace’s comments, posted to his Tumblr, about his time at Marvel writing the book and what he says was a lack of support from Marvel while he dealt with online bullying as well as a lack of support and promotion for Iceman itself.

Grace writes:

As Pride Month comes to a close, it’s time I spoke candidly about my experience at Marvel Comics.

To date, I’ve always been honest about the joy of writing Iceman’s journey as an out gay superhero, but I’ve skirted around the challenges that came along with it. This is partially because I prefer to give off an upbeat vibe, and there’s also a fear that my truth will affect my career. With more corporations patting themselves on the back for profit-led partnerships wherein celebrities take selfies in rainbow apparel, and with buzz that Marvel Studios is preparing to debut their first gay character in the upcoming Eternals movie, there is an urgency to discuss the realities of creating queer pop culture in a hostile or ambivalent environment. Hopefully, my takeaways will serve as a guide for people in positions of power to consider when advocating for more nuanced and rich representation. In an ideal world, embracing our stories and empowering us to tell them will yield far more profitable (and way less messy) results than what I encountered while writing Iceman.

Stand by your people

It’s no surprise that I got the attention of trolls and irate fans for taking on this job. There was already backlash around the manner in which Bobby Drake aka Iceman came out, and Marvel needed to smooth that landing and put a “so what” to the decision. After a point, I could almost laugh off people making light of my death, saying they have “cancerous AIDS” from my book, or insinuating I’m capable of sexual assault… almost. Between Iceman’s cancellation and its subsequent revival, Marvel reached out and said they noticed threatening behavior on my Twitter account (only after asking me to send proof of all the nasty shit popping up online). An editor called, these conversations always happen over the phone, offering to provide “tips and tricks” to deal with the cyber bullying. I cut him off. All he was going to do was tell me how to fend for myself. 

I needed Marvel to stand by me with more work opportunities to show the trolls that I was more than a diversity hire. 

“We’ll keep you in mind.”

I got so tired of that sentence.

Even after a year of the new editor-in-chief saying I was talented and needed to be on a book that wasn’t “the gay character,” the only assignment I got outside of Iceman was six pages along, about a version of Wolverine where he had diamond claws. Fabulous, yes. Heterosexual, yes. Still kind of the gay character, though.

We as creators are strongly encouraged to build a platform on social media and use it to promote work-for-hire projects owned by massive corporations… but when the going gets tough, these dudes get going real quick.

Believe in the work

You may be asking if my Iceman book was any good, or if I’m just being sour grapes over a bad work experience. Believe me, I asked that, too. From the get-go, my first editor asserted that Iceman would be DOA if it were “too gay,” while also telling me to prepare for a cancellation anyway, given that most solo X-Men titles don’t last beyond a year. Never mind that my work on Iceman had gotten positive press in the New York Times (in-print), or that in spite of (since-deleted) critical sandbagging, the series nets glowing reviews on Amazon… Marvel still treated me as someone to be contained, and the book as something to be nervous about. Do you know how hard it is to not argue with a publicist when he’s explaining the value of announcing Iceman’s revival via the Marvel homepage? Sis, that’s a burial. Instead of clapping back, I just went and got myself more press from the New York Times. From there, they tightened my leash. I had to get all opportunities pre-approved, and all interviews pre-reviewed. This would be fine if it was the standard, but I assure you: none of my straight male colleagues seek permission to go on podcasts promoting their books.

What Marvel should have done is assign me a special projects editor. They should have worked with a specialty PR firm, rather than repeat a tiresome cycle of treating the book like a square peg, and getting confused when it’s a hit.

Give us a real seat at the table

There was a moment before Iceman was cancelled where I wrote then-editor-in-chief Axel Alonso an email, pleading for a Hail Mary arc. I explained that Icemanwas landing with a newer generation of readers who focused more on binge-reading than month-to-month periodicals. The series needed time in the book market before its true strength could be assessed. To Axel’s credit, he was warm to the idea and even gave me an extra month, but when he left Marvel that idea got brushed away. Of course I was right. The first two volumes sold like gangbusters thanks to word-of-mouth, librarian love, and support from retailers big and small.

When the series returned, no one at Marvel asked me: “What do you think landed with readers?” Nor did they ask the question that Axel did: “What matters to your community?” So when I wrote what I thought the fans would be into, a story about a man learning to be a better ally in the war against hate, editorial totally missed its value.

Seat at the table pt II: The Shade of it all

All of the weird drama I put up with crystallized when I created a drag queen mutant, first called Shade, now called Darkveil. I told my editor that Shade would be a big deal for X-Fans, and asked how we should promote her. He said: “leave it up to the reader’s interpretation.” Everyone at Marvel shrugged off two years of goodwill and acted like I’d coordinated behind their backs on an announcement that made headlines. Beyond mentioning on Instagram the queens who inspired the character, I didn’t coordinate shit. Of course, their head publicist can’t admit that my quotes were pre-approved from an unreleased interview. At this point, I stopped believing that there’d be any more work for me. There were so many shady moves on their end that I’m still having trouble putting into language, but it all aligned with an experience I had in retail where a corrupt manager kept lying and moving the goal posts in order to keep me selling in a department I didn’t want to work in. I offered to give Darkveil a proper character bio, and I walked away.  

I recognize that some of my complaints can be filed under “this is freelance life.” I am aware that it was not a queer person of color who joked to me that “it’s not a matter of if Marvel fucks you over, it’s a matter of when.” That came from a cis white male. The same-day turn-arounds without warning, the work emails on Christmas week… that’s the freelance bullshit. Truly, I don’t even think of this as discrimination, I call it general ineptness. It is my belief that if we are telling stories about heroes doing the right thing in the face of adversity, wouldn’t the hope be to embody those ideals as individuals? Instead of feeling like I worked with some of the most inspiring and brave people in comics, I was surrounded by cowards.

Truly, I hate writing this. In keeping with Pride Month, I am proud of the work I did on Iceman… I love the book! It sucks that I may be tarnishing its legacy going public about how the cookies were made. That said, the time for self-congratulating is over, and folks should be earnestly listening when they ask: what could we have done better?

so what’s my take.....

Personally I think the kid got used, plain and simple. Also this should not have come as a shock to anyone.

Look at how badly they treat their customers that pay them money,                  OF COURSE THEY’RE GOING TO FUCK THEIR EMPLOYEES EVERY CHANCE THEY GET. A box full of scorpions would have had more loyalty.

@thespectacularspider-girl

______________________________

little history lesson for you kids: tokyopop did practically the same thing with the rising stars of manga. They snatched up young Talent, use them, and drop them.

[liebesyhhra]

ramadhan prep

Bismillaah

This post is inspired by my friend, H. She is someone i look up to a lot for all her tenacity, great ideas and really the amazing person that she is. MasyaAllah :) 

dear H,

last night as we welcomed ramadhan i finally had the drive to write about the lessons from sharing sessions and talks ive been to, particularly a talk i attended at masjid ansar about ramadhan. turned out the drive was warm warm chicken poop (hangat hangat tahi ayam hahahaha) only and i ended up not writing. hahaha nothing new there!!! 

that same night you shared with me about your islamic sharing instagram account big idea you had with your friend!! and i was so thrilled!!! partly because you’re basically doing what i’ve always wanted to do on a blog but been putting off for a long timeee. the other part is just me being so proud of you for always coming up with amazing ideas and always so willing to share the good stuff that you come across. i really hope this great idea will become reality and i really really look forward to it!!! count me in anytime hehe.

sometimes i hide behind an inferior complex when deciding not to pursue something like oh im never going to deserve to do calligraphy because i am not arty and i don’t want to degrade calligraphers by my undeserving attempt. that sounds super silly hahaha but ya i am silly like that. it was only natural (???? silly^10000 but yes) that i completely threw away my idea of finally posting something on my blog, because someone better is doing it already. but H you were so supportive and interested in my own initiative, and plus all the thought challenging i did i realised that other people taking good initiatives does not in any way degrade my own. and so fast forward to now i’m still trying to get to the subject of matter hahahaha what a prelude!!! 

i attach the event poster for reference

i was very much interested by the concept haha unlimited data plan yes please my bills are getting so ex because data usage :-) kidding hehe of course there was more to it than its literal meaning. 

the talkshow by the five asatizah panelists covered three main topics:

pre-paid pahala

free outgoing doa

ramadan premium gold member

1. pre-paid pahala

the topics surrounding intentions and sincerity were being discussed. having good intentions without even carrying out the actions yet entitles a person to rewards --> pre-paid pahala cool eh !! may we all proceed to carry out the good we intend to do with sincerity, amin.

i. what is sincerity?

having sincerity/ikhlas is defined as doing something without hoping for any reciprocation or rewards. this reminded me so much of our malay literature days when cikgu A would ask “what is the most important lesson we can learn from the sun?” when we were going through the sajak ‘menjaring mentari hidupku’. (sidetrack i really couldn’t remember the sajak title i just remembered something got to do with sun but definitely not mengejar mentari...........huehe anje ayanggg) the answer being: the sun gives and gives, even when it knows the beings on earth can never repay it. what can i give the sun?? what can the plants give the sun?? and still it continues being the number one source of energy everyday. 

in doing good deeds though sometimes we experience spiritual and moral roadblocks like feeling riyak and overly proud of the good we do. asatizah shared that the way around these roadblocks is not to simply stop doing the good, but continue to engage in the good deed as well as pray that Allah removes the riyak and grant us sincerity.

asatizah shared a story of saidatina Fatimah r.a’s sincerity in helping those in need, putting their needs above her own. nobody knew of the story until Allah sent down a verse narrating the sincere deed Fatimah r.a had carried out. 

the story took place during the month of ramadhan. each day Fatimah r.a only had water, milk and bread to break her fast with. on the first day during iftar, a needy person came knocking to ask for food. she gave away her food and only had water for herself. this happened for three consecutive nights masyaAllah! idk if it were me i’d probably have gone ‘oh im so hungy i havent eaten in three days i gave all my food away to the poor!!!’ probably hoping for some sort of acknowledgement or applaud haha or complimentary iftar. but masyaAllah Fatimah carried the deed out without expecting anything but Allah’s blessings. her intention was solely to please God. the verse is recorded in the quran:

وَيُطْعِمُونَ الطَّعَامَ عَلَىٰ حُبِّهِ مِسْكِينًا وَيَتِيمًا وَأَسِيرًا  إِنَّمَا نُطْعِمُكُمْ لِوَجْهِ اللَّهِ لَا نُرِيدُ مِنكُمْ جَزَاءً وَلَا شُكُورًا

surah al-insan, 8-9

ii. how do we know of a person’s sincerity?

we dont hahahaha. only Allah knows! but it’s always good to believe someone is doing a good deed out of good intention and sincerity. on our part too, we may have ulterior motives intentional or unintentionally along the way of doing good. dont stop nothing to see here move along now keep calm and doa!

iii. how to attain and maintain sincerity?

be conscious of our intentions to do something for the sake of Allah

act it out. actions speak louder than words

istiqamah in training our hearts

remember that Allah sees and appreciates each and every good deed and intention

introspection/muhasabah

here, asatizah shared the story of saidina Kalid al Walid r.a. Khalid was leading a battle when he was demoted by khalifah Umar. instead of being bitter about it he fought harder and with even more willpower. when asked why he was not the least bit demotivated over being demoted, he replied that he fought not for the title but for the sake of Allah. 

knowing that Allah always appreciates the good we do is so heartening. it’s also so heartening when people are appreciative of the good we do. this doesn’t negate our sincerity though, view it as Allah’s way of making us happy through His other creations

iv. benefits of ikhlas

self-fulfilment

pahalaaa hehe amin

peace of mind

wont feel disappointed over lack of reciprocation

part two nexttttttt

2. free outgoing doa

ramadhan is the month of mercy! forgiveness! and so we ask of Allah for aaall that and more in the blessed month. 

asatizah first shared the mannerisms of making doa, which are found in the structure of surah al-fatihah. ustazah S shared this before in school!! so excited for some reason when ustaz shared during the talk. making doa inadvertently makes us realise that we are such....small beings who depend so much on His mercy. it would only be appropriate to make doa in a state of sincerity, humbleness and humility. 

doa is significant in our lives, such that it instills Hope in us and husnuszhon towards Allah.

doa is also a form of self-motivation. when we pray for something good for ourselves eg ya Allah please help me become successful in my studies, indirectly we push ourselves to do our best so our prayer comes true. we won’t pray for something we are not working towards so masyaAllah this was an interesting insight!

on to the last one!!!

3. ramadhan premium gold member

aka laylatul qadr 

this talk was held pre-ramadhan, and ustazah said preparation had to begin NOW, which was a week ago haha but now now is not too late either! it’s not too early either considering insyaAllah we will try to find it in the last ten nights. however the spiritual burnout is real and nauzubillah, so let’s all keep in mind that the most loved by Allah are little but consistent deeds! youre doing great sweetie :* 

while living our nights in qiyam, asatizah reminded us to always keep ourselves and our parents in our doa. yang terbaik, amin! may we be blessed with the opportunity to live the night of power and receive blessings of a thousand months amin! ultimate level of premium gold membership masyaAllah.

4. miscellaneous

under the topic of doa actually, in our humility sometimes we would cry when asking Allah for something we really want. however there are also people who try their best to have that humility but cannot cry (like me hahaaaa so hard hearted nauzubillah) and that’s ok. sometimes it’s the peace in our heart that can be felt. 

so alhamdulillah! that’s all to share from the distinguished panelists. there were nasyid and poetry performances too which were amazinggg live spotify hahaha. this more or less helped me look forward to all the amazing goodness being offered in ramadhan, and what i can start with; having the right intentions. i really enjoyed penning this down and i hope this wont be the last! thank you, H, for spurring me on to finally act out this particular intention. may Allah bless you always all ways!!! so sayang

i was so afraid and unprepared to welcome ramadhan, still so irrationally afraid even as we’ve fasted for the first day.. going to this talk and previously the one with you at masjid Ruadhah helped me prepare a bit spiritually alhamdulillah. thank you for being there with me and for me during this journey! maybe i am afraid i won’t live up to my best behaviour. maybe i am so afraid of feeling lonely. maybe i am so afraid of.....idk actually what i’m afraid of. in spite of all that, i hope you, me and everybody else will have a blessed ramadhan ahead and do our best to give our best, insyaAllah

i am ending this off with a quote

God’s delays aren’t God’s rejections. Worry ends when Faith begins.

and a doa

اللهم انك عفو تحب العفو فاعف عنا يا كريم

ramadhan kareem! 

semoga Allah redha

sending lots of luv,

<3

[debajanfeministuniverse-blog]

De Unmannerly Politics of Opening Doors

Well for de pass few days de only local conversation on my timeline has been responses to a status on FB created by an entertainer. De context of the conversation is that he (De Entertainer) was told to pay attention to the manners of those in Barbados and he did by conducting a very, very, VERY, (0.013 % of the population) small social experiment.

De Entertainer states:

“I purposely held the door open for 20 women going in or out of establishments, 3 said thank you, the others didn't even nod. I held it for 20 guys, 18 said thanks.”

His findings are simple:

90% of men said thank you to a man holding open a door for them. 

75% of women did not.

This experiment did not then go on to explore the findings of a  woman holding the door open for men and women, but no… why <sarcasm> would <sarcasm>it <sarcasm>?

Now whether this post was intended to turn into a woman-bashing post or not, it did. Loads of people mostly cis men, a few cis women then started to chime in talking about their experiences of how “mannerly de men dat does come into my shops does be” and how “unmannerly women nowadays are”.

And though it is decidedly infuriating, it’s also not unexpected. The discomfort of the privileged often overlooks the societal grievances of the oppressed. As usual, people decided bashing black Caribbean women would be the best course of action without truly delving into the reasons why such findings would occur.

So to make sense of it in my own head I made a couple lists to consider:

Reasons why people open doors for other people:  

Manners maketh ... someting? :

In Barbados we brought up to be polite. From the moment we are born we are steeped in behavioural conditioning.  The biblical commandment they make you recite from like five years old is “Honour thy father and thy mother”. There is a lot of emphasis on being “nice”, “respectful”, “well behaved” children and to carry that into adulthood. .

In this small island where everybody knows everybody, even at our own personal expense, we are always to be seen as polite. To do otherwise is a fringed activity. 

Now if you are like me, and believe everything feeds back into colonialism you might see the correlation between the myth that “all the good slaves were sent here”. And you might consider that the emphasis of “Bajans are nice” is taught to us at Primary school level. They tell us “Tourists come here for de sun, sand and nice people.” In other words be super nice to dem tourists fuh dem sweet-sweet tourist dollars. Never let yourself be a seen as a threat. Our country’s economic success depends on it.

Chivalry & gender politics: 

Obviously this “good” behaviour looks different in accordance to the gender society decided for you. If you are decided man, you are expected to be considered  “nice” or a “gentleman” if you do things for other people, and you get extra points for doing things for the women folk. This came from the European idea that vagina havers are somehow the “fairer” (read weaker) sex and need help with heavy things like, pulling out their own chairs and opening doors behind them. Because you know, uterus = weak wrists? 

If you are decided woman, then your “good” behaviour is determined by how you reward/respond to “good” men. Don’t sleep with them too quickly. Be wifey material. Be a mother. Be a grandmother, and never question why your life is solely for the purpose of others.

Ulterior motives:   

Which leads me to the quote I heard when growing up that “Chivalry was just an excuse for men to look at women’s asses”. A lot of men are conditioned to see “niceness” and perceived nice actions as a means to be rewarded for their masculinity. If I as man, give you a lift, I expect, “gas, grass or ass”. In other words, if I do something nice for you, I expect something in return. Either through sexual gratification, compliance, or the opportunity to check out a woman’s bumpa up close.

Flow of traffic: 

Aside from all that gendered stuff, sometimes assistance is just assitance. You know like how yuh should really let out de car trying to come out of a gap you going in, when you have right of way? Sometimes it just makes more sense to hold on, keep the people behind you, and leh de person in front pass to avoid collisions or blockages. It’s not that deep. Just practical.

Now, I’m  down for discussing the differences in gender experiences, as long as you truly want a discussion and not just a place to shout and scream about how unfairly you as man, has been treated by Bajan women simply because you didn’t get the kind of gratitude you wanted when opening a door. If that’s the platform you need, there are no rivers in Barbados as of yet, find a gully, cry in it, and make one fuh me do.

Reasons why  “thank you” may be missing: 

Thoughts are in other places: 

“If I buy dese lil groceries I gun really got enough money to cover dis month bills?”

“Cheezon bread dis sun real so & so hot doa”  

“WHA’ DE ACTUAL HELL  <INSERT NAME OF POLITICIAN HERE> NOW SAY?”   See people often have loads of thoughts happening all at once and sometimes the door gets opened and you literally don’t know how. Just respect de headspace and realize it aint about you, just task 3,006 on the to do list.

Entitlement: 

Iz true, some women conform and uphold the patriarchy and believe it is a man’s obligation to open the door. And some people just stush, dey come in barging pass you like they are the Queen and it is your civic duty, you plebian scum, to eliminate all barriers from Their Highness’s path. Doan mind dese divas, you are your own protagonist too. Admire their self centrism from far and carry on smartly.

Social anxiety:

People have mental health complications that sometimes prohibit them from “simply” saying thank you. The world is terrifying. Tasks are overwhelming. We need to learn to respect and be considerate to those that may have hard times navigating that.

Defiance against Compliance & gender dictations:

Even if this idea rubs you the wrong way, after centuries of the world telling women what they can and cannot ever so often, a woman comes to a state of “fuck dis”. Anger is a legitimate response to oppression. The anger isn’t necessarily directed at you, but at the whole system that has told this woman since she was young “you aint strong enough to get you own doors, you ain smart enough to get you own business”. In this moment remember, you opened de door out of your own heart, you consented to the door opening. It’s now their turn to consent to gratitude or not. You have done your part in society, the rest is up to them.

Avoiding a platform for harassment:

Men, yuh all can be trash. Too often I have done the “polite thing” and said “thank you”  to the security guard paid to open the door, only for them to take my quick politeness as a platform to mentally juk me down with harassment. And my experience is not unique. If you don’t live as women and do not understand what weapons of harassments we have to protect ourselves from daily, don’t disrespect our shields. All I’m asking for is the next time we do a social experiment, let’s ask women how many times they say “thanks” and the person who opened the door for them used that as an invitation to suggest something sexual or romantic.

Conclusion:

I hope after reading that I’ve provided some insight into the matter at hand. Sometimes it’s easier to judge what’s going on in another person’s head, and sometimes it’s not.

But remember:

Do not harass somebody for a “T’anks”

DO NOT HARASS THEM AFTER A “T’ANKS”

Do not pin your positive daily experiences on a  stranger’s “T’ANKS” that you may or may not receive and are NEVER entitled to.

If however, you refuse to listen to me and are determined to practice the mentioned above, den doan bodder opening de damn door in de first place. We good.

No t’anxs,

De Bajan Feminist.

[single-is-remarkable-blog]

A Journey of Redemption

“Every individual has a weakness, yet they also own strengths

Every person has a problem, yet they also carry the key

Everybody has an option to overcome their weaknesses or problems.”

Apparently this is my first post in 2019 since the last post approximately one half year ago (yes, i was very unproductive to sketch something lately hehe).

This post shall become the first post in 2019 but also turn into the biggest lesson during my journey so far. True answer from Allah for my worship. An answer which makes my inner heart tremble immeasurably.

Allah grants me the answer in a very amusing way, I had to go through vast obstacle and time. Ultimately, I obtained the answer from my uncle (mother’s brothers and father’s brother) and last but not least from my mother.

Allah provides me the answer approximately like this

“Love and respect your family always, grow together with your family, do not leave your family behind no matter how good or bad the current state.”

From that moment also, I’ve just realized what my mother  and my late father truly wishes. My mother’s hope is very simple, she just expect me to cooperate with her taking care of my little brother and sisters. Perhaps my perception all this time that participating in society organization could make my mother proud was completely erroneous hehe.

“Self-ambition manifested totally by ourselves without asking our parents’ opinion will most likely be unreachable"

This is absolutely true, no matter how high our intelligence or how elevated our standings, we do still need our parents’ viewpoint. The most crucial is, if we are a male, not only our mother’ opinion but also her Ridha. Even though we design perfect plan and implementation to achieve our plan, if our mother isn’t Ridha, there will always be something that blocks us from accomplishing the target.

The condition is also vice versa, even if we don’t create a perfect plan and performance, if our mother is Ridha, there will always be something that help us accomplish the target easier.

Yes, I’ve done A HUGE mistake in this last 8 years. Allah endows me a chance to pursue my undergraduate study apart from my hometown. However all of my ambition was just for myself, what a selfish person hehehe.

“No matter how strong we bear the problem and solve the problem alone, we are just a human, a social living beings, at the end we would feel desperate if the problem cannot be finished.”

Of course we must inform our God (Allah SWT.) during prayers about our problem, but we should also explain the problem to the right person such as our family and close mukhrim comrade. Sometimes, telling them although they don’t present the appropriate answer/ solution at the moment;  Allah will guide you to the answer unwittingly.

Yes, I’ve also done A huge mistake in this 8 years. Particularly when facing a problem, I can say that I’am a typical person that don’t want to tell my problem to others. The reason is that I don’t want to bother other persons with my problem, especially family problem. Sometimes it is a wise decision to share our problem, joy and plan with our family. Don’t worry about our prestige within our family, because our family always love us unconditionally (tsaaah hehe).

To sum up, I must say Alhamdulillah for all events which occurred lately. I feel very grateful to all people I’ve met lately. All of them teach me valuable lessons. I suppose this is the right time to fix all and to atone for my sins. Allah grants me the second chance to make all things better , like a dream of my mother and late father.

I believe Doa is one of the most powerful tools that I have.

I don’t know what will happen on the next 2 or several years later. However if I believe Allah in my Doa, stay patient and struggle. Insha Allah it will be one of the greatest grants in the right time in the right place from Allah SWT during my life.

“I need time to understand my feelings,

How I should view the shinobi world, this world,

Perhaps i’ll be able to see things I couldn’t see before,

Thanks to you I found salvation,

After all my travels through the world,

I come to the conclusion, that this sharing of pain can perhaps be applied to something much bigger than us,

Things don’t go that smoothly as you and I know more than anyone,

The bigger something is, the harder it is,

To keep enduring, no matter what, until things come to pass,

And for we who must endure, perhaps that’s what it means to be a ninja”

---Sasuke Uchiha’ Quote---

[gcmblingdice]

Odd numbers from one to 17

Ask Me Stuff! || Accepting

1) What would prevent you from following someone? 

There isn’t much that would prevent me really, but there are a few things: How they treat others, are they problematic? [ i.e. do they purposefully cause drama? do they make it a habit to go out and be offensive as possible because it’s ‘their blog so stfu’?] In general I also screen and see who they RP with as there are some people I willingly do not engage with nor want to see on my dash. 

3) What current RP trend do you hate? 

Hecc IDK. Most the trends i hated are slowly dieing out, but occasionally I still see it. It’s mostly those posts that are in size 7 font, with italics, bolding, special characters, INSANE SPACES AND LIKE MULTIPLE QUOTES FOR ONCE ICON. 

Like as annoying as it is, it’s not often I see it. Like I get wanting to do a bit of layout or aesthetic design for posts or maybe using bold or italics to emphasize words, but people go overboard also the excessive use of purple prose and novel length posts all the time. Being mobile bound it’s really annoying at times, but I will never refuse to write with a partner if they do that, they will just have to expect I will only be able to reply when I can get a chance at the computer. Or if my motivation is there. 

Speaking of: making people feel bad because they have taken 5ever to reply due to lack of interest or shit outside their control. they are not here to doa  job, RP is fun and it is a hobby, respect your partners jfc. 

5) Do you prefer interacting with male muses or female muses more? Why?

Personally I like interacting with both! I’d love more female muses, but I’m not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth when i get the few I do. I think female muses are more fun, but male muses are fun too. I think though, for a lot of my plots and wishlists, it doesn’t really matter??? I’d love to see more non cisgendered muses tho. 

7)  What’s your opinion on call out posts?

Personally I despise them unless they are for a good reason and there is enough evidence to back up claims. If it’s purely because of an issue between muns that they cannot resolve, i don’t wanna see it. However if it is about a known toxic mun or certain blogs that are deemed toxic, WITH PROOF, then yes call that out. Same with if a blog is trying to copy/steal ideas from others or pretend they are others they are stealing from. 

Those are reasons for a call out post. Any other time it’s usually petty I notice and I just don’t care. 

9) What is your opinion on exclusivity? Do you practice it? Why / why not?

I personally do not practice it, although I do have my faves who will take higher priority. However if someone wants to do exclusives that’s fine. I’m gucci. Whatever makes their RP experience enjoyable! 

11) What do you know now about rp that you wish you knew when you first started?

You don’t need to be fancy or have fancy layouits/text posts. You don’t always need to be super dark or have super deep characters. Not everything has to be detailed. You are allowed to have over the top, silly or even downright ridiculous characters/plots and it’s fun. RP is fun. I been RPing since I was 11 and it was fun, as i got older into my mid teens/early 20′s i found myself treating it as someone that was not fun, but rather my whole pride, who i was and my rep was at stake based on how my blog/muses/etc were. 

Now I’m like “kay” 

13) Have you ever thought about leaving rp? What caused it? What changed your mind?

Constantly: Lack of interest in my muses, feeling like I’m a burden, mostly my mental health and my own lack of self confidence. I mean granted I swing to one end or the other in terms of confidence about my writing and muses, but for the most part I have left once for maybe a month. Due to issues outside of my control and I no longer felt needed or that I was allowed to enjoy a thing in a fandom that i once i wrote and loved. 

15) How has rp changed you personally?

I have become much more open to things, and in terms of growth writing my muses going through it and overcoming shit has helped me by proxy overcome similar situations. It’s also allowed me to have a healthy, safe space to explore my own issues i am dealing with in a safe and sane why. 

17) Have you ever sent a message to yourself on anon? Why?

Only for testing purposes. :V